But do I have okay, I got I got one, two, three, four, four ladies on camera. So I need
to see more of your pretty faces, y'all. So, get yourself on camera. I don't care if you
still are in your pajamas. It's totally fine. I have no makeup on today and I don't have
my contacts in. Okay. So like it, you don't, we don't care here. Our Tuesday live calls
are a little more relaxed. It's not like we have the men in the community where we're
trying to get all dolled up. Okay. That, that will come in phase three. When y'all graduate
into phase three, we will have those community sessions where the men and the women are on.
Those are the ones that yes, you want your camera on and you want your hair done and
your makeup done. Okay. But for this, you don't have to, okay. You know, do definitely
at times practice starting to get ready. Like sometimes I will give that activation
for you ladies through the course of this phase where you're just going to go and get
your hair, your makeup on even when you're going to the grocery store. I've done that
before. I'm not doing that yet. Okay. So that's not our activation this week, but just be
prepared because that might come. But yes, let's get your cameras on. I want to see your
beautiful faces. Do I have any new ladies to phase two or Luster accelerator? Do I have
anybody here for their first time? Most of you look familiar. Oh, Elaine. Yes. Elaine
is new. Do I have anybody else? You can raise your avatar hands. Okay. I think everybody
I recognize because I was on both calls last week while Ebony was resting and recovering.
She's doing fantastic. For those of you ladies that have been asking, she's doing really,
really well. So just continue to keep her in your prayers. Brittany, that is a really
great question. How long are you in phase two before you get to phase three? So the
minimum is four to five weeks. And the reason we say that is because if you are doing your
training videos, okay, so that's under, I think it's the coaching or training tab. I
can't remember. I think it's changed. But that's where your five videos are for this
phase. You're going to watch one a week. Okay. So that's actually something I wanted to cover
in housekeeping today. So those of you that are new, make sure you're only watching one
a week. I know it's very exciting, awesome information, and you're going to want to watch
them all. Like you could just sit there and binge watch them, but we ask you not to. The
reason for that is because we really want you to sit and process one video a week and
allow Holy Spirit to highlight certain topics in those videos that he is speaking specifically
to your heart that you can be working on. And then applying that into your life for
that week. Come to the community in the app, process through with it, process with us through
it. Hopefully you all know by now, my words are getting all tongue tied here. But yeah,
make sure you're showing up and letting us know how those videos spoke to you. And then
once you watch all of those videos in that four to five week period, if you feel confident
and ready enough to go into phase three, we let you go to phase three. Now what a lot
of the women in the community often do is they want to at least get one or two dates
under their belts and process through those dates with us coaches and feeling confident
and working on those guardrails that we kind of set up and set in place for you ladies
with dating. Because remember you come out of heartwork in phase one. And so now you're
going to practice what you've learned in heartwork and you're going into dating with a healed
and healthier heart, which is going to change the dating game for you. However, keep in
mind that now that you are dating with some heartwork, there are going to be some triggers,
some revealing for healings that will start surfacing with your dating because it's going
to be different. It's going to feel a little uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable because
you're not used to dating in that way. And so some women stick a little longer after
four or five weeks if they haven't been on any dates and then walk through some of those
dating experiences with myself or Ebony and we just kind of help you put those new dating
practices into place.
Okay, we help you kind of see some blind spots.
We also will highlight and kind of do some of those tough questions with you that will
reveal some areas of heartwork to work on dating because that's one thing that I want
to remind you ladies is that just because you came out of heartwork doesn't mean that
heartwork is done.
Heartwork is going to always continue.
You're going to constantly be evolving and growing and God's going to continue to upgrade
you.
Okay, things that you were not even aware that you need healed will surface.
It will surface in dating.
It will surface as you are navigating relationships with friends, family, co-workers, and believe
it or not, heartwork revealing for healings will surface even in your marriage, okay?
And so we want to help you put those heartwork tools into practice once you get involved
with the dating, okay?
Sound like a plan?
Does that help everyone here?
I always like to kind of give that reminder and just kind of get our minds like set on
that.
A couple more things, I'm noticing at times and I'm not saying anyone specifically currently
in our group now, but I felt put on my heart to share this because I've seen it in the
past is one thing that I've noticed at times is women come out of phase one and into phase
two and they were dating in phase one when we've asked you not to date, okay?
Now you're not in trouble if you did.
If you were dating somebody in phase one, it's okay if you didn't follow it.
Why I say this is if you were, it's really important that you let us coaches know because
what we will oftentimes see is that if you were dating in that heartwork phase, you might
not have tapped into a full like heart healing because you had the distraction of dating,
okay?
And so that just helps us kind of navigate you as now that you're in phase two and you
are going to start dating more, okay?
So I just, I'm sharing this for maybe anybody that watches it in replay, maybe in the next
couple of weeks, somebody might watch this in replay.
And so it's just important that if you were like, okay, I'm not going to, I'm not going
to follow that role.
Like you're not going to get reprimanded, but it does give myself and Ebony at least
an understanding of, okay, we might need to really focus on some areas of heart healing
if we see that kind of stuff coming up.
Okay.
And lastly, ladies, I just want to give a kind reminder, please refrain from quoting,
posting, linking any other authors, influencers, speakers, pastors, anything of that nature,
okay?
Because we don't have the library to vet.
We can't vet their libraries out.
Okay.
So what that means is we want to make sure that what is being shared in our last year
single community aligns with what we teach and what Jackie has made.
She spent a lot of time and effort in like, and God has downloaded a lot of really great
things.
And so sometimes what can happen is we will share something from a speaker.
We will share something from a speaker and it really doesn't align with what we teach
in the program.
Okay.
So just as long as you, if you refrain from just posting those quotes, the pastors, speakers,
authors, don't link any of their libraries of things that they do, whether it's a video
or whatever.
Now what is okay is posting like linking worship songs.
Like that was actually an activation for you ladies this week.
And so speaking of that, how many of you found that that was really helpful this week?
Karen, just raise your avatar hands, Missy, awesome.
I want to thank you ladies for sharing those, like it was very uplifting for me to go and
click and listen to those worship songs as well.
I actually was excited because I feel like we had so many more ladies participating in
that activation this week and actually utilizing the app more.
And so that was incredible.
So I really, really, really appreciate that.
And so for this coming week's activation, I really.
want us focusing on participating in the app.
Okay, because that is one of the reasons
why our community is as successful as it is.
Now, when I joined in 2020,
and I joined Jackie's community,
it was set up a little differently.
It was much smaller than it is now.
But one of the things that was really fruitful
was that we had a lot of the women
we had connections with one another.
Because we were sharing our experiences,
we were allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.
We were allowing women all across the country
and the globe, because believe it or not,
we even had, it was international even
in the very beginning.
And so now we're just getting more people
internationally coming in.
I know Christine, she was on here.
I think she's still on here.
She is.
She's in France.
We had Mary Scott, she's in the UK.
We had at one point somebody that was from Singapore.
So we had a lot of international things.
And so we just, I mean, I have friends all over.
I was sharing last week, I even got to attend
the wedding of one of the women that is from Australia.
She and her fiance flew over to the United States
and they got married in Austin, Texas.
And my husband and I lived in the Dallas Fort Worth area.
So we were able to drive down
and be a part of her wedding ceremony.
And so it's successful because you ladies
allow yourself to make connections
and draw close to women that are in the same season
of life as you, and you all can lean on each other.
You can lift each other up.
And it really, really is impactful.
And so I really want you to spend time
getting in the app, especially on every Sunday,
Bethany will make a post.
It will be pinned to the top under the all app
and it's our roll call post.
And so I wanna pull it up right now
because I have this just gut feeling
that oftentimes it gets overlooked.
But I really want you ladies to focus on spending time
and read through that post
and process what we share in that post
and then reply in that comment thread what you've processed.
So if you need to read through it
and spend a day or two processing it,
then come back and share with us where you're at.
So for example, this last Sunday,
Bethany shared and I'm just gonna read it off,
showing up for the hard things.
Your breakthrough begins here.
Beautiful last year, single family.
The Holy Spirit is calling you to show up,
especially when it feels impossible.
Can you sense it?
God is inviting us to step into the difficult seasons,
the uncomfortable growth and the places
where our faith gets stretched
because this is where our greatest breakthrough lives.
This is the moment to stop running from hard things
and start running toward them with kingdom courage.
The fruit that comes from the perseverance
is sweeter than anything comfort could ever offer.
Your willingness to show up when it's hard
is what separates breakthrough from breakdown.
Y'all, I cannot tell you how true that is.
Having been in this program,
I was in this community as a single
for over two years before I met my husband.
And let me tell you, I'm gonna be real with y'all,
is there will be hard times in this season.
It will be difficult.
It will stretch you.
It will grow you.
There were times that I had breakdowns, y'all.
But I didn't isolate myself in those breakdowns.
I came to this community
and I connected with my sisters here.
And because I did that and I showed up
and I showed up when it was difficult,
breakthrough actually happened.
So I can't tell you how true that is
having experienced myself.
Okay, I'm gonna continue on.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment
to step into your calling.
Your breakthrough isn't found
in the waiting room of someday.
It's found in the messy middle of right now
where faith meets action.
Here's your challenge this week.
So now this is what's gonna be part of your challenge.
And again, ladies, this is in our community app.
So if you don't have a pen and paper
to write all of these things down,
it's right there in your app.
You can pull that post up from Bethany.
It's pinned to the top.
Well, field check.
Where are you running empty?
Heed those internal warning signs
and prioritize rest, prayer, and alignment with God
before you burn out.
Community audit. Surround yourself with people who will pray through, pray you through, not
drama you down. Faith plus prayer plus community equals unstoppable breakthrough power. Ladies,
we have prayer every single day in this community. Yep, Lolita's like, yes, because she's on.
And I can tell you any of those ladies that are on the prayer consistently, okay, you might not
make it every day, but if you can make it a handful of days, those are the ladies that are
going to stay more encouraged and not lose faith and not get discouraged as much. Not that they
don't, but when you show up for prayer, you will be surprised what actually happens. Okay.
Um, next challenge this week, sabotage stop. What self-destructive patterns are you choosing?
Drama, procrastination, conflict, or illnesses that show up when God calls you higher
time to call it what it is and stop it. Barrier breakdown, unworthiness and shame.
You are worthy of his best fear of abandonment. The right people will celebrate your growth
feeling like a burden. Stop shrinking to make others feel comfortable.
False humility. There's nothing holy about playing small. When God called you to greatness,
declaration time, I show up for hard things because that's where my breakthrough lives.
I refuse to self-sabotage. I'm stepping out of the waiting room and into my calling
messy and perfect, but faithful. So, and then it goes on, drop your comment below to share
your breakthrough with us. What hard thing is God calling you to show up for? If, if in a
relationship, please share your status and timeline. Please also share what video and the
love story accelerator course content you just watched and have questions you have. Ladies,
I cannot stress enough to be looking for those posts from Bethany every Sunday,
process through them and then share in that comment or just comment, reply what you've
processed through what she has spent time, you know, pouring into you ladies. Okay.
So that's your activation this week. Now that's not typically what I do, but I really cannot stress.
Like I said, I cannot stress enough the importance of showing up in community.
Okay. I'm going to go back through. I see a lot of people sharing in the chat. So I'm going to
go through that before we open the floor for questions. Okay. Christine got you. You're on,
you're driving Brittany. You're on camera now. Good to see you. And then I answered your
phase three question. What if the idea of online dating stresses you out? Okay. I want you to put
your hand up for a question. Cause we can go through a process through that. All right. And
just know ladies, I honestly, I think a lot of women come into this phase where online dating
is like, eh, right. I think everyone's kind of being like, yep, ladies, that was me. I was,
I had been on the apps before I didn't enjoy the apps. Then I felt like I was not attracting
quality. Okay. So when I was challenged with stepping out and getting on the apps, just so
that I could practice dating. Now we're not saying it's a hard rule that you have to go on the apps,
but it is a way for you to start stepping into the dating process and practice what we're teaching
you here and practice coming from a heal, more healthier healed place when it comes to dating.
And what I can attest in my experience, and I know many other women in the program have
experienced the same thing is that after you have a healthier, um, healed heart,
you're going to start attracting healthier healed men. Now it didn't always, it doesn't
always happen that way because sometimes when we start attracting some of those unhealthy ones
and there's a pattern there, it's an opportunity for God to grow us and reveal some areas of
healing. What fears lies are we, um, aligning with and allowing us to kind of go through some
of that heartwork. And so God will use the dating experiences to prepare you and grow you
so that you have the capacity to receive that gift of a spirit mate.
Okay.
I'm not saying this is not a, if I do this, then this happens.
Okay.
This is not about the works part of it.
Okay.
Cause again, God has those blessings for us.
We don't have to do anything to get them.
Okay.
So this isn't, oh, I'm not getting my spirit mate because I didn't do this.
This is more of a, God is preparing me because he wants the best for me.
And he wants me to be able to have the capacity for it.
And so he will stretch us and grow us.
Does that make sense?
Cause I know sometimes we can't, there's a, there's a balance in that.
And a lot of times people can kind of take it to the other, the other extremes.
So we're not trying to go to the extremes here about with what I'm sharing.
We're trying to find that balance.
Okay.
So we can talk a little bit about that, Elaine.
Yeah.
Like Kim saying, you're not alone.
Like Kim gets it.
I get it.
A lot of the women on this call get it.
Okay.
Um, all right.
You missed last week, but listen to the joy FM all the time, girl.
I love the joy FM.
That is my favorite radio station.
It saddens me that I do not have the joy of them in the DFW area.
We have a different couple of different ones, but don't think that I don't have
that app downloaded and sometimes I pull it up and listen to it.
I miss my morning cruise.
I miss Dave, Bill and Carmen.
They were great.
Um, okay.
So then Kathy, she had to mask miss last week as well.
Um, the self sabotage part.
Okay, good.
I'm glad that that's speaking to you.
Um, awesome.
Awesome.
Okay.
Sounds good.
All right.
So I'm going to open the floor up here in just a moment to take your questions.
Remember to keep things short, brief and powerful because we have 15 women on
the call.
I want to be able to take as many questions as I possibly can.
Okay.
Um, and then, yeah, and then I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to go ahead.
I had a couple of things I wanted to chat about, but I'm going to wait and see if
someone brings them up and we can talk to them if it's part of somebody else's
question.
Okay.
So Elaine, you got your hand up.
Everybody else, if you got questions for me, let's put them up.
Okay.
There's no like terrible question here.
Don't be too shy.
All right.
This is a space of vulnerability and safety where you can ask anything, share
your dating experience.
What are you struggling with?
Um, what advice you need?
I'm here for you.
Okay.
So Elaine, you're new to phase two and the online dating is a bit stressed.
So tell me what about it is stressing you out?
Um, excuse my voice.
I'm having some more sabotage going on here because things have been going good.
Always happens that way.
Right.
I really think I was excited years ago about online dating and I got into it.
Um, I ended up in two long-term disastrous relationships.
I know I need to put that behind me.
I wasn't really seeking God and praying about it.
But I think the part I don't trust sometimes, um, I'm very transparent
sometimes too much transparent with people.
I don't really know.
Um, it needs to just have good boundaries and, um, I like even just making a
profile, I I'm just sort of frozen with indecision and I think it's just, it's
this trigger, it's like not knowing what I put out there that made the invited
this, you know, very charismatic people that, um, I just fall for.
And then I run by all the red flags and then afterwards I'm like, Oh my God.
So don't want to repeat that.
Okay.
Um, I can completely relate to everything that you're sharing
because I was, was the same way.
The FedEx guy is here.
I just have to run to the door, go ahead and do that.
And then, um, I'm gonna take another person's question and then I'll come
back and respond to what you shared.
Okay.
And ladies also, when y'all are sharing, I want you to know, like I'm always
taking notes cause I'm processing what y'all are sharing, so I just want to,
like, I'm a note taker because I want to get all the information and I'm usually
processing when y'all are talking and kind of, you know, I'm always inviting
Holy Spirit kind of download things to me as well.
Um, so just keep that in mind.
All right, Michelle, I see your hand up next.
Hello.
Um, yeah, so I have went out, I've mentioned this guy before we've went out
five times and.
We're gonna go out a sixth time tomorrow.
Things so far have been going really well.
I guess I have struggled a lot in the past
with like relationship anxiety,
and we are not in like a level three type relationship yet.
I could see if things keep going the next month this way,
it could be going that way.
And I've noticed in the past,
my mind will oscillate a lot between like,
maybe this is the one,
and I'm like picturing getting married,
or like, he's probably gonna end things with me tomorrow.
Like in almost every kind of relationship I've been in,
it's like, I can feel that the romantic fantasies
are unhealthy, so then I'll pull myself back
to the opposite of like,
this probably isn't gonna work, blah, blah, blah.
You know what I mean?
And so I'm trying to like keep my mind in a healthy place
in that like tension of not really knowing
what's gonna happen.
Okay, this is good.
Okay, and this is the guy, remind me,
I think sometimes I get people confused.
Is this the guy that has children, was divorced?
Okay, that's what I thought.
Okay, good, good, good.
Well, I'm glad to hear that things
are still continuing to press and going well, that's good.
So I just wanna remind you that again, you want,
so and this goes for all you ladies,
in the Dating 101 video, you'll hear Jackie
even speaking to this about the levels of relationships.
So she is in level two,
which means that getting to know you,
I would say she's even more on the latter end of level two.
So early stages of level two
are those really getting to know you.
Those are the second and the third dates
where you were just keeping things light, breezy,
get to know you, surface level type conversations.
However, now when you get into those dates now
after several months and you've had,
you're going into five, six dates,
you're gonna start really taking inventory.
Is this someone that I could potentially
have a romantic exclusive relationship?
Okay, and so now what you're experiencing, Michelle,
is that you are, my guess is an anxious attacher.
And so some of those anxieties are starting to surface.
Some of your past relationships
and some of the things that maybe have gone wrong
in past relationships are starting to creep in
and allow those fears to kind of take root.
And now you're going back and forth.
So now you're fantasizing all these things
because you're excited,
but then you realize, oh gosh, I can't fantasize.
So now I have to like, talk myself out of it.
Okay, so that's that anxiety, girl.
I did that a lot, okay?
So what we wanna do here is
we gotta start doing some heart work here.
So the biggest thing that I can express is again,
making sure that you're rooted in prayer daily, all right?
Spending time with your heavenly father.
Start asking him when those feelings
and those things start to surface,
the fantasies, and then the fears start coming in.
I want you to be asking yourself
what core belief is tied to those fears, all right?
So the best way I can explain this,
and I do this a lot on one-on-one calls
that I do with ladies is,
do y'all know the movie, Inside Out?
It's that Pixar movie, okay?
And you know those little balls,
like those core memories, okay?
Like that's where I want, like what theme,
what's the core memory or the core belief
that you are aligning with?
And so for example, a lot of times,
and then I'm just gonna even kind of just give you
my own example.
A lot of my fears and lies that I believed
were typically linked to my identity and my self-worth.
And I had to start getting to,
okay, what is the core belief that I'm linking?
What anxious thoughts, what fears are starting to surface?
And what is that rooted in?
And spending time with Holy Spirit and be like,
okay, Holy Spirit, I need you to reveal to me,
when did this belief or thought first enter?
Maybe it's in childhood.
Maybe it's in relationships,
some of your first relationships.
relationships and you've got to walk through the truth and asking the Lord
okay this is the lie that I'm believing and Lord what is it that you say where
were you at where were you at and all of this and what is it that you want me to
learn what what's the lie now I got to replace it with your truth and so that
at times will take some time to go ahead and process through and so that's why I
say spend time daily in prayer as you walk through this I think Michelle it's
it's something to celebrate is that you're recognizing that you're starting
to fantasize and you're recognizing how you're maybe sabotaging it okay it's
okay to be excited about a relationship but we have to figure out what is it
that we're believing about that relationship and what do we need to
break down does that help is there anything that is starting to surface
that you like just in me sharing that that's coming up in your spirit yeah and
actually just before this call it's like what you said confirmed but I felt like
the Lord was speaking to me cuz I was like God why am I suddenly feeling this
panic and I just I remembered I thought the Lord took me back to like when I was
18 and I was sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend and I I feel I felt like
the Lord was like you don't feel like these feelings are safe like if I like
someone they will take advantage of that and I'll end up right back where I was
before you know and so it's like weird because I like don't think about that
every day I don't think that that affects my life you know but then it
like so yeah this is when we're gonna take you're gonna take that experience
and you're gonna go back through your heart workbook okay you're gonna go
through that process and you're gonna go through all of that and God is just
gonna start downloading to you and so that's one thing that I say like you
have this belief that people aren't safe you can't trust someone's going to care
for you and the enemy is going to sit here and he's going to try to confirm
that lie he's gonna remind you of all the people that you couldn't trust in
your life he's gonna remind you of every boyfriend that you couldn't trust
he's gonna remind Pete you remind you of people even currently in your life that
don't feel like you can trust and so what we got to do is gonna be like okay
but God you can be trusted I can trust you so what does that look like Lord
when have I been able to rely and trust in you when have you shown up in my life
and then he might even start taking you through and this is what I had to do I
had to start owning my part in some of those things not that what people did to
me was my fault but then I was recognizing why I made the choices that I
did because of what I what I was believing and once I could be like you
know what that isn't true I don't believe that anymore this is what God
says is true and that's what we step into and we remind ourselves when those
fears because here's the thing ladies we can go through that heartwork process
and we can break off the lie replace it with God's truth but you want to know
what's gonna happen we're gonna want to replay the lie and when that surfaces we
got to go back and we got to cover it with the truth and be reminded of the
truth like you're gonna have to replay the truth you're gonna have to work that
muscle does that help does that make sense for you ladies okay so yeah spend
time this week Michelle and just process through that past relationship with when
you were 18 where you were sexually assaulted walk through some of your
heartwork if you hadn't already done it maybe there's a deeper level if you have
okay I had to do that often with my dad's or my dad's my um my son's dad
yeah I walked through the heartwork process I did the forgiveness stuff and
then there'd be times that would creep back in and I had to go a little bit
deeper I had to pull another layer and it does ladies the heartwork stuff that
process will get you'll you'll start you'll start realizing that it comes
more naturally the more that you do it it really really does okay but spend
time with that and again share in the community let's let's get excited for
you and then if there are things that we need to help you navigate in that
relationship we're here to do that as well okay thank you so much for sharing
Michelle I appreciate it all right Elaine is back all right Elaine so I'm
gonna go back through my notes here so
you have two disastrous relationships.
Have you, when you were in phase one,
did you, did you go through the heartwork
on those two relationships?
Did God kind of take you through some forgiveness
and healing and surrendering that over to the Lord?
Yeah, I almost feel like sometimes I forgive too easy,
if that sounds kind of weird.
I'm like, I'm not, it's not hard for me to forgive,
but I did, I went through that again.
I went through the soul ties.
I mean, they weren't totally disastrous,
but you know, they were pretty,
a lot of trauma came out of those.
There was hurt.
Yeah, there was some hurt thing.
Okay.
So yeah.
I just got divorced in January and that was the second one.
Okay.
So you're still freshly,
like you're still healing as well.
So, and that's, and that's the thing too,
just because you're in this phase,
you don't have to,
you don't have to take off running with the dating.
If you, if you feel like you need some more time to heal
and you just want to absorb what we teach here,
because phase two isn't, I mean, yes,
it's like the discovery for it.
Like we, we date for discovery phase.
We learn a lot about dating,
but what I will say is it's not just about dating.
It's about relationship.
Whether it's with someone that you're getting to know,
or maybe it's relationship with your kids,
relationship with people from your past,
relationship with family members, friends, co-workers,
people that you go to church with.
Like it's about relationships.
It's about discovering who you are,
what your boundaries are,
because you brought that up too,
like being, you know, you, you get very transparent.
You kind of deep dive.
We talk a lot about that here in phase two.
When we're showing up to get to know people,
we coach a lot of times what kinds of conversations to have,
which ones to kind of put on pause
and wait until you've gotten to know somebody.
And so again, it's just about practicing that.
It's also about giving yourself grace
to not hold yourself to that,
that if, oh man, I just had a conversation with someone
and I shared too much about my divorce or my ex,
and I shouldn't have done that.
You can give yourself grace.
You're learning.
You're developing a new muscle.
You're strengthening a new muscle.
And so it's simply, it's okay to make those mistakes.
Come and share it with us
and we can help you grow from that.
So that's one thing.
So it's, again, it's spend time absorbing what we teach
and those teaching videos,
I think you're gonna get a lot
of really great helpful information,
especially once you get to the fourth and fifth week
where you are gonna listen to the boundaries video.
That one is really, really good.
And we talk a lot every week on these calls
about when ladies get into dating situations
about having healthy boundaries
and how to communicate those boundaries.
And then a lot of women will come.
I was one of these.
I'm like, oh my goodness, ladies,
I just went on this date
and I just dumped all this information out.
And I got that, I forget what we call it.
It's like that, it's that like hangover that you feel
like you just exerted an emotional hangover
where you're like, oh my goodness,
I shared way too much.
And now I'm like, you know, in my head
and like, oh my goodness, like, you know.
So we have a lot of women that do that here too.
And we walk you through it.
And we lovingly lift you up and support you
because quite frankly, what y'all experienced,
myself and Ebony have probably walked through,
I've seen, you know, I've been doing this
for over a year and a half now.
Like it's nothing to like beat ourselves up about.
It's all that process of preparing.
And, you know, if you have to kind of baby step
your way through it, we've got you.
Does that help Elaine?
Yeah, I think that's right.
If I don't have to think about online dating, especially,
I think I'd feel a lot better.
I mean, I've definitely have been,
I've been absorbing this and I've been able to use it
in, you know, in my new friendships I'm having.
I don't, I know hardly anyone down here.
So I've met some really great Christian friends
and a couple of Christian guys that I had no interest in.
It was just sort of, you know,
great to just kind of share spiritually,
only come to find out they really wanted something more.
And I, I was,
was not ready for that.
So being able to kind of gracefully get through that
and be very honest, just sharing where I was at
and kind of watching their reaction to my boundary.
Like I said, a little boundary very nicely
and then seeing what they did with it.
And one of them turned from this just love God,
quoting scriptures every day to a total jerk.
I was like, oh my gosh.
So-
Ladies, that's why I always, I'm telling you,
boundaries are so good,
especially in those early stages of dating
when you honor what your boundaries are
and you communicate it.
And here's the thing, you can communicate it firmly
and it still be kind.
And you will see how people respond to that
and it will show you a lot.
If you put a boundary up
and a guy does not respect and honor that boundary,
he is not a masculine, mature man
and he is not marriage material.
Well, I won't-
Not that he, and again,
it doesn't mean that he can't get there,
but it's also not our job to like coach them
and teach them, well, you should.
No, that's just a, I see this, Lord.
Thank you for showing this to me.
I'm gonna heed your warning
and I'm going to bless and block and move on my way.
That's exactly how I felt.
I literally turned away from him and said,
thank you, Jesus.
I completely, I just, I hear what you're saying.
I give myself credit for growing.
And celebrate that.
Yeah.
Yes, ladies, it's really like celebrate your wins,
celebrate your growth.
That's why we have that wins tab in our app.
Celebrate when you realize, you know what?
I did something that I'm not used to doing
and I'm proud of myself.
Celebrate it.
And the good, like one last thing
I wanna share with you, Elaine,
before I take Kathy is you shared
about how you never saw red flags.
Well, guess what?
You have a community now and if you are showing up
and you're posting and you're sharing
with what your dating experiences are,
you got wing women.
We are here, like myself and Ebony have,
we have put the light on some red flags
for some of the women in this community.
I mean, like one woman, we had to coach her
to go get a restraining order on somebody.
And she just kept wanting to kind of go back to him,
which is fine.
Like, again, there's no shame in that.
We're here to support her.
We're here to help her.
And we're here to walk that through with her
and lovingly support her.
But also we're gonna lovingly tell you
when we think that there's a dangerous situation
and we're gonna be-
I think I swung the other way.
I think I now see red, red, red, red, red.
Maybe some of them are yellow,
but I maybe have to come back a little bit.
And that's what I'm saying.
So share that with us because if you think it's red
and you share it with us, I might tell you,
no, Elaine, that's more of a yellow.
Okay, so let's step back a minute.
We're not gonna just escalate this to red right away.
And let's allow him to have some opportunity
to show either a green flag or a red flag, okay?
Thanks.
That's what we're here for, okay?
So utilize us.
All right.
All right, Kathy, I have your name next.
How are you?
Thank you, so happy to be back.
I cannot tell you how much I missed last week
and I didn't even, wasn't able to do the replay.
I had to do a lot of self-care for about three days
to recover from taking care of my friend,
but thank you for being here.
Thank you all.
Juanita, I was impressed last night that you got that done.
I'm ready to do my profile.
I was so excited.
Last week was supposed to be my profile week
and I wasn't able to do it.
So I was a little depressed about it,
but there's one question I had
that I haven't seen covered anywhere in any of the videos
or any of the writing.
And if I missed it, I missed it,
but I've been single for over 20 years, y'all.
I'm gonna use a jockey word
and I'm ready to find my spirit mate.
And I, last time I tried online dating, it went so bad.
I had a second date with a gentleman.
Yes, he overstepped the boundary.
He said something really rude.
And I found myself racing home and saying,
I am so done helping you, God, I am done.
And I got completely off and I never online dated again.
And it's been five years and I needed that time.
I had it in my dad, got really sick.
So it's my time now.
And now I know I'm God defended and it's okay to online date.
So I'm ready to write my profile,
but I have not seen the topic of politics covered whatsoever.
And I had a relationship 10 years ago that was really,
one, I thought I was gonna marry this man.
Christian man, but we had opposite politics.
And I thought, oh, you know, spice of life,
you can respect other people.
But I found that that's not gonna be the case for me.
I need someone that's aligned.
So is there a way to put that in your profile without,
I mean, I just like to cut people out
if they're not semi-aligned.
Okay, so Jackie does share in that Dating 101 video
and it's towards the end.
And actually it's funny,
cause I just kind of watched it.
Like I went back and just watched a clip of it.
And she talks about things not to talk about on first date.
So in that getting to know stage,
you're not, ladies, you're not gonna wanna talk politics.
You're not talking sex, you're not talking ex,
you're also not talking politics, okay?
The reason we coach this is because again,
you are in the early stages of just getting to know them.
I'm talking about profile.
I'd like to cut it out before I even met them.
So you can just say, you know,
these are things that I align with, okay?
So when you're describing yourself,
so let's say you're just saying, you know,
I'm trying to think, things that I enjoy, like, okay,
it's been a while since I've had to write
my own dating profile, so it's hard.
And you're gonna do, you're just gonna sprinkle it in,
like, you know, I enjoy volunteering at my church.
I typically align to moderate views,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, okay?
You're just gonna sprinkle it in.
You do not wanna put a lot of emphasis.
And at that point, then men can see
that you've spent some time saying, you know,
I am more, I'm just using moderate
so that I don't offend anybody, all right?
Because again, I don't wanna, we don't wanna offend anybody.
Okay?
But I, but I, but Kathy, hear this.
I agree with you.
I agree that that is important, okay?
Being able to align on certain political social views
are certain, are important, okay?
And the reason I say that is because
I have my best friend now.
She is, she is one way,
and her boyfriend is complete opposite.
Now, she's not been in the program,
so she's not married, they own a house,
they have a kid together.
Again, no judgment, y'all,
because again, I was, had a child out of wedlock, okay?
So there's no judgment here.
But, you know, now they have a home together,
they have a kid together.
He helps her with her kids from her previous marriage,
and y'all, they butt heads when it comes to political views.
And especially now in our time, like that is a challenge.
And so I do hear what you're saying, Kathy,
and I do think it's important
because you don't want to get
into an exclusive relationship with someone
that you do not have,
at least on a lot of the core political issues
that y'all align and can agree on, okay?
That's important.
We're just not going to dive into that
in that first early stage of level two.
And I do wanna kind of speak a little bit to this,
and I see this often, I did this myself,
I see it all the time in this phase.
We get to know someone before,
sometimes even before we get on a first date with them,
we're wanting to say, oh, we don't align here,
I'm gonna cut and run.
We're not even giving the man an opportunity to show up,
and we're not even giving them an opportunity
to go on two or three dates with them,
and just getting to know them.
And so I really want to encourage you ladies
that if you are very quick to,
nope, I don't wanna waste my time.
I don't, nope, we don't align here,
so I'm gonna let it go.
We also wanna see what other things about a person
do we admire, or what qualities and characteristics
do we enjoy about somebody, okay?
Because sometimes what can happen is this idea
of I don't wanna waste my time,
what I have tend to find is that it is a defense mechanism
of protecting ourselves from getting hurt.
So if we are constantly replaying this,
I don't wanna waste my time.
my time. I don't want to waste my time. This guy, you know, did this and I just, I'm not,
I'm not attracted to that. And I, I'm just going to cut them, like cut them loose before I even go
on a first date with them or even give them an opportunity for a second or third date.
We have to recognize if that's kind of our go-to, I'm going to encourage you ladies
to spend time with that and process that a little bit more is are you
truly giving it a shot to learn and grow and use the dating experience as an opportunity
to prepare? Or are you go and are you going to that as a, I just don't want to get hurt.
I don't want to find myself in the same situation I was in before. So I'm going to cut and run
because I don't want to waste my time. Cause ladies, I will tell you, God isn't wasting
this time because he's going to use guys and dates that you go on that are not your spirit
mate to grow and prepare you for the capacity or when your spirit mate does come.
Does that make sense? We have to reframe our mind to God's not wasting my time.
Because guess what, ladies, God's time is perfect. If I would have met my husband
a year before, or even a few months before he dropped into my DMs, I wouldn't have been ready.
My heart was, I hadn't prepared my heart because one of the big things that I needed to prepare
and shift was this idea that I was never going to move out of Florida.
I was headstrong about that. Y'all I love Florida. I was just talking to Elaine. She's,
she lives where I like the same area that I was from. I lived there for 15 years. It's paradise.
It's gorgeous. It's wonderful. I loved living there. I actually moved away from there. Like
the first three years I had been there, I moved away and went back home to Indiana.
And I was like, no, I need to get back. And so I enjoyed where I lived, but I,
I, my heart was not prepared to release and surrender that pen.
And so had I met my husband prior to that, I would have cut and run. I would have asked him.
I would have been like, nope, here's something wrong with him. Here's something wrong. Cause
ladies for the first three weeks of me getting to know him, I was trying to figure out all the
excuses to not be interested in him. I mean, I actually remember Jackie being like, Carla,
get off the ledge, meet him, go on a date with him. Stop overthinking everything and just go
enjoy yourself on a date. And I was like, okay, fine. I wanted to cut and run. I almost even
canceled our first date because he wanted to have dinner like super late at night. And I was like
an old lady and was like in bed by nine o'clock. And he wanted to, I think he says the date was at
eight o'clock at night. I was like, no, I think it was at nine o'clock at night.
Maybe it was eight 30. We can meet in the middle, but I almost canceled the date.
So I I'm saying all of this is God's timing is good. It's perfect.
So we got to break up with this idea of I'm wasting my time.
How's everybody feel about that?
Michelle, pick you up at eight. Like who's eating dinner at eight o'clock y'all?
So late, you know, I had, I mean, I was a single mom and I would have like dinner ready by like
five or six because I had to get my kid homework, you know, schoolwork, showered, bathed, put in bed.
So my dinner time was early. Yes, it would be my second dinner too. So I was like, okay,
yes, it would be my second dinner too. So thank you for that laugh. Kathy, does that, does that
help a little bit kind of navigate like sprinkle it in, but I really want you to spend time. Like
don't, don't zero focus on that. I didn't hear you. What'd you say? I said, sprinkle don't baptize
in this case. Yes. I love that. Yeah. Don't, don't baptize somebody in that water. Okay. We're not
dunking them under, but definitely you can sprinkle it in. And one thing I also wanted to
share with you and then Elaine, I think this will help you when y'all are putting together your
dating profiles. We're here to help you with that too. I forget who just recently did that. I think
Allison, she shared a profile. Juanita, she shared her profile.
and I gave her some feedback on like how to word things,
what to put in, what to take out.
And so just draft something and I'll help you.
Ebony will help you, okay?
I always say, share a little bit
about what you're interested in.
Share a little bit about you, who you are.
You know, how would your best friend describe you?
You know, what are things that are important to you?
And then one thing a lot of people leave out
is that they forget to communicate what they're looking for.
And I'm not talking about like,
I'm looking for, you know, till death do us part.
And you know, things like of that nature.
Like I'm looking for a man that has a servant's heart.
I find men attractive who open doors for women.
I am looking for a man who is,
you know, accountable to influential people in his life.
You know, someone who is, you know, always learning to,
who wants to constantly learn and grow.
Like things of those quality and characteristics.
Like you share what's important to you,
what quality and characteristics you find attractive, okay?
Does that make sense?
Yes, Juanita, I did.
I briefly saw.
And so I will look that over today or tomorrow
and get back with you.
And then I did see you said something
about grammatical errors, girl.
Ladies, don't worry about the grammatical errors.
I have grammatical errors all the time on the app
because it's hard to sometimes go back and correct.
And then like, I go and post so that it doesn't crash on me
and I like get it all in and share it.
Sometimes I will even type it in a Word document
or in the notes so that I can copy and paste it
into the app so that I don't lose.
Cause sometimes that's happened
where I will literally have written several paragraphs
and responding to somebody.
And then the app just shuts down.
And like all that thought that I put in there responding.
And then I just get heartbroken.
Cause I'm like, oh, that was so good.
Like I really felt Holy Spirit on that.
And now it's just gone.
So don't stress about the grammatical errors.
I used to be an elementary school teacher
and I have a son who's dyslexic.
And so like I can read through a lot
of the grammatical errors.
It's like a teacher gift.
And like I said, my youngest,
like my husband will look at things that he will write.
And he's like, that's not a word, but I'm like
but I know this is what he meant.
So don't apologize for the grammatical errors.
But yes, Juanita, I will go back and look at that.
All right, I got Brittany and then Missy.
And so we're gonna try to keep things short,
brief and powerful.
Cause we got 15 minutes.
I will try to stretch it to 20 minutes
but we still got four people with hands raised
and I wanna try to get to those.
So let's set a goal for five minutes each.
That will stretch us to 20 minutes.
Cool.
All right, Brittany, you're up.
So I've been, I have four of my seven dates
and yeah, so, and one of the guys
we're gonna do a second video date
and I'm thinking it's probably not gonna go further
cause I just don't think we have the same things
that we want in life.
And then the other guy like,
and so, well, actually I'll start with this one.
So like, I can tell like he wants to build a family.
I feel like God's put on my heart to like build a ministry
and have a lot of spiritual children.
And like, there's a part of me that questions like,
is there something in me?
Why I don't like desire to be a mother,
like a biological mother.
And it's just kind of like,
I feel like that's a question that just like comes up
and it's just like, oh, does that mean
there's something wrong with me then?
Yeah.
Okay, well, so let's break up with this idea
that there's something wrong with you.
Where does that come from?
What's that root?
That, I want you to spend time investigating that.
And yeah, I don't, I mean,
some people are called to different ways of mothering.
So maybe it is that you're going to have,
you're gonna be a spiritual mother
and maybe not a biological mother.
Maybe, biological, being a biological mother
is actually in your DNA, okay?
These are things where, again,
it's about spending time processing with the Lord,
digging a little deeper, asking about roots,
asking for, one thing that I used to do is I would,
I would ask the Lord to give me dreams,
whether it was day, if I was daydreaming or.
night sleeping about things and and again just confirmations you know asking him to confirm
things that I thought I was hearing him say and I wasn't going out and like searching and like
making everything a confirmation but it would literally be more of a you know I put it out
there and then I'd be just going about my day and something would happen and it was like completely
out of my control and it would remind me of this is this is me confirming this for you Carla
and I would sometimes be like okay I think I see that and then I'd be like okay I'm gonna I'm gonna
my rule was always like get things and get things confirmed in threes
like I needed I needed it three times I needed God to confirm things with me three times
um so I would just again I would spend time you know I think we talk a lot about destiny DNA in
our program and so you'll get some of that in phase three there's you know replays and
teachings on that that you'll be able to replay when you get to phase three about destiny DNA
and if ministry is part of your destiny DNA he's got the perfect spirit mate for you
okay um but I really want you to spend time with this belief that there's something wrong
with you just because you don't feel a tug to have children of your own right now okay y'all I
I'm a mom okay I had my son in my early 30s and in my 20s I never wanted to have children
that was not something that I felt like I wanted to be a mom I was a teacher I we know I was mother
to teach like to lots of kids like I was teacher to a lot of kids but I never felt this desire to
be a mother and then I did I got pregnant and God really showed me what a what a gift like he
like he actually did call me to motherhood then I had no anticipation to have bonus children
I never thought I'd be a stepmom I thought I was gonna birth another baby and my husband had
a vasectomy and he was like I don't want more kids and I had to go to the Lord with that one
that was what I thought it was a non-negotiable that God was like Carla I told you you were gonna
have more children but I didn't say you were gonna birth them because in my head I knew he told me I
was gonna have more kids so I just assumed I was gonna have another baby myself biologically and
God was like no that's what you thought I said but this is actually what I have for you and so
now I am mother to three kids and you know I don't look at it like I know a lot of people
use the term bonus mom I don't typically use that because I am my children's mother because
their earth their biological mother is no longer on earth and so I am the only earthly mother that
they have and so I just want you like I share this to help you keep that open mind of you may
not have a pool for that but God has ways of opening doors and stepping you into what it is
that he's called to so but with this guy my guess is that is he communicated to you that he wants to
have children of his own yeah he's communicated that like he's just going through like healthy
habits of a home and like just like preparing like how to have his own home or how to have his
own family and like and me and like I'm feeling like this little like oh I just don't feel like
that's like I'm like I just feel like God's like put on my heart like ministry and traveling and
like have you shared that with him I haven't yet but I will on this call so I was just kind of
I'm like I was processing that through I'm like kind of you know is you know is that part of it
like can they go together and I just I just don't feel like like our energies are going in the same
you know yeah way so this is a second video call with him yeah so it'll be tomorrow okay yeah and
again that's it's still early on to have those kind of like deep dive conversations but I mean
you can be kind of surface level with it just say hey so I know we're still trying to get to know
each other a little more and you mentioned um your desire to it sounds like you have a desire
to have kids one day um you know and I I want to be honest with you um this is what I feel
very called and what I where I see myself in the future so again ladies this can be those questions
that you ask to get to know somebody is where do you see yourself in a year where do you see
yourself in three years where do you see yourself in five years and and people might share this
information with you about wanting kids and wanting a family and wanting to get married.
We're not saying don't have those conversations, but again, we want to keep them very surface
level.
And so you can share, you know, you share this with me.
I want to be very open and transparent with you.
I really feel called in the next three to five years.
I really believe that I'm called to ministry and to travel.
And so I'm not sure in the next three, five years, that's something that where I'm going
to have my focus at.
So I want to communicate that to you now, because if that's a non-negotiable for you,
I just want to be honest with you.
And then you, the two of you can talk and decide whether or not you pursue things romantically
or not.
And so typically after, I always say ladies, three dates in is where you're going to kind
of typically decide, do I want to continue to get to know this person because I can see
the potential of a romantic relationship forming after those three or four?
Like I would say, even like maybe by a third or fourth date, if you kind of just don't
feel this romantic interest, that's okay to say, Hey, I really appreciate you spending
time to get to know me.
I'm just not sure that this is going to go in the direction of a romance, so I want to,
you know, just wish you the best of luck.
And you can end things.
Okay.
And if we do it nicely, if God decides to swing that door back open, he will.
Things have a habit in this community of coming full circle.
We have several love stories where people are like, no, I'm not romantically interested
in you.
And then a year later, they reconnect and then six, nine months down the road, they're
getting married.
I think one of our love stories from a few months ago, when we shared in our phase three,
we do these things called love stories where we have couples come back and share their
love stories, married couples come and share their love stories.
And that was actually one of the couples.
So just something to think about.
Okay.
Missy, how are you?
Actually, does that, what I just said, I have a feeling, did that kind of speak to you about
when to release someone?
Because you had a post about that gentleman.
And I think you were kind of not finding yourself romantically attracted to him anymore.
Right.
Yeah.
And you honestly answered my question anyway.
I don't know.
I haven't broken things off with him yet.
I actually asked him to call me yesterday.
Okay.
He was with his kids all day and I didn't want to ruin his memorial day.
Are you looking to kind of pull the bandaid off?
Yeah.
I mean, I think my issue with him was he's, um, or not my issue, but like the positive
part, right.
Is he's such a godly good man.
Right.
And I just was hoping that my feelings would catch up because my sister was like, Missy,
I thought my, like the guy she was dating at the time, she was like, I thought he was
so nerdy.
And then finally she's like, I prayed about it and God just like opened my eyes and my
heart.
And like, it was like night and day and I'm like, maybe that'll happen, but I also, there's
a piece of that too, that, you know, I, and I even mentioned it, um, where he lives in
a different city and I'm stuck in Austin.
And so that might even be my answer, you know, um,
Well, I was going to say, I think, did you mention like you're in Austin and you can't
move and he's where he's at and he can't move.
Right.
Yeah.
At that point, how are you going to like, cause we're not trying to ladies, Jackie will
say this.
Y'all are not in girl, girlfriend area eras.
Okay.
We're not here to be girlfriend for over a year or so.
Okay.
Most of us are either in their thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, seventies.
We're not, we're not in our twenties, teenage 20 years where we're going to be a girlfriend
for several years.
No.
Okay.
So, I mean, you got to think Missy in a year, less than a year, can you guys move and relocate
and do life together?
And if you can't, if you're not in those same seasons of life and that's when it's, it's
okay to release.
Um, so I think, I think you're coming to terms with it, you know, you're going to have to
end things and again, just processing through how you're going to do it, do it kindly honor
the relationship, share with him things that you really appreciate about him.
You know, you can utilize this dating experience as an opportunity to say, okay, these are
things that I really admire and like in a man.
And that's what I desire in a spirit mate.
And then I want you to.
spend some time just processing through that.
I'm gonna also encourage you,
cause I'm gonna press you just a little bit.
Okay, know that I'm doing this in love.
Is I mentioned the way y'all were posed
was very physically close.
I think that's part of the reason
why you're feeling this tug.
That you don't wanna do it, but you did.
I think you allowed yourself
to get kind of physically too close early on,
and it's making it hard to release them because of that.
Is that, does that resonate?
Yeah, maybe.
I think it's more for me just letting a good man go
because it's more of a trust
that God's gonna give me somebody that I act,
that has some of those same qualities,
but that I am also attracted to.
And I think it's more of a belief
of like that can actually happen for me.
And it's just, I have a hard time letting good men go
because I fear that I'm not gonna find another one,
but I have to believe that I will.
Well, and I'm gonna leave you with this
because I do think it will give encouragement.
And I've shared this story several, several times.
And so if you've watched any of the replays in the past,
you might've heard me say this.
I had a similar situation with a guy.
I went on three dates with him.
We had a fourth date set up.
He was a really great intentional guy.
So, just so attentive and initiated things
just really made me feel valued.
And I thought, wow, this is a good man.
But for some reason,
there just wasn't a connection after three dates.
And there were just some things that I'm like,
it doesn't sit well.
It didn't feel right to me.
And I almost couldn't even describe what it was.
Like I couldn't pinpoint, this is why.
This is why he's not for me.
I couldn't figure it out.
I wrestled with it in this community.
And I finally got to the point where I'm like, okay.
I went in prayer and I'm like,
God, I can't keep going in this back and forth.
I'm just gonna make a decision to let him go.
And Lord, if I am stepping out of your will
and I'm stepping out of your alignment,
I trust that you will open the door when the time is right.
And I will tell you, Jackie knew of this guy
because I was in the community sharing about him, okay?
She would bring him up on calls with me.
When we were in group calls,
hey Carla, how's that one guy?
How's Jake doing?
Did anything ever come of that?
And sometimes I would think,
oh, maybe this is God's way of telling me
I need to reach out to him.
But every time I would think that God's like,
no, Carla, you gave me the permission
to bring him back into your life, not you.
I was like, okay, I kid you not.
When I had one of my last conversations with Jackie
before my husband came into my DMs,
I thought about reaching out to that guy.
And I held off.
A week later, my husband DMed me.
Because I kept going back to it.
I will tell you.
So I want that to give you encouragement
that you practice putting it in God's hands
and say, God, I'm wrestling with this
and I need your help with this.
I'm having a hard time releasing this good man,
but I don't know if this is the man that you have for me.
So Lord, whatever you need to do to work in my heart,
I'm gonna release him and I'm gonna trust
that you are gonna work in me what needs to be worked out.
And if this man is supposed to be my husband,
you are going to orchestrate it that way.
I hope that gives you encouragement.
I'm sure.
Okay.
Yeah.
Ladies, you can't mess up your spirit mate.
Sure.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay.
Is it Kristiana?
Did I pronounce that right?
Yes, that was perfect.
Awesome, I love it.
Okay.
And then Karen, I'm gonna hang tight for you as well.
I know we're a little over time,
but I'm gonna take your question
cause you've been waiting so patiently.
Okay.
You got for me.
Thank you.
And I will keep this short.
So I am in phase two with someone
and he's really, really great.
We are long distance ish,
like we're an hour and a half apart.
So we started out doing more phone calls
and then I've spent a little bit of time in person,
only two dates in person.
And he usually is really great about communicating,
talking, we'll just text a little bit.
So I definitely feel like things are going somewhere
and like everything I learned about him, I do really like.
Definitely feel like I was looking for the real qualities,
not like my past where I had different things.
Um, but what I think I'm curious about how I should handle is, um, his mom is sick and,
um, they're just figuring out, I think exactly what's going on and how bad it is or how great
it's going to be.
And so, you know, obviously I'm just praying for him, for her, for their whole family.
Um, but like, we're not close enough where like, I feel like he's ready for me to be
there for him, but like, I would be if he wanted me to, it's like, what's really like
in a, a good way for me to think about, you know, how I can just give him, you know, appropriate
space to do this, but not disappear on him, but also not, you know, if things just, if
I don't hear from him because of how he's trying to process and he just, you know, wants
to be alone, like not how much time do I give him, but kind of like, you know, what, what
should I be kind of using to like, yeah.
A couple of things I feel like I can kind of just share.
I like that you're recognizing, yeah, you've only been on two in-person dates.
It's really level two.
Okay.
You're not exclusive right now.
I think it's really beautiful that you are praying for his family and his situation.
Continue to keep doing that in your own prayer time.
Um, I would strongly encourage not, you know, getting on a call or in from him and praying
over him.
Okay.
Until you can get him more into a relationship, but definitely continue to keep praying for
him and his family in his spare time, um, reciprocate his efforts.
So when he's reaching out, you're also reaching out.
Um, I would even go as far as saying, look, um, I understand, like just communicate, like,
look, I understand that this must be a difficult time for you.
Um, I want to give you space to process when you need to, if you ever feel like you can
just communicate to him to say, Hey, if there's ever a time you need to kind of step up, step
away for a while to kind of process, just know, I understand, just give me a heads up
and just open that space up for him to say, look, I know that this might be a hard time
for you.
I want to continue to get to know you more.
I want to see, um, but I understand what your situation is and you might need a little
more time.
I just want to say, Hey, I'm still interested in getting to know you.
I'm going to let you take this to the pace that you feel comfortable and just communicate
that with him.
Now, what I do want to encourage, and I'm going to encourage all you ladies, when you
are in level two relationships and you're spending time and you really like someone,
remember you're still in level two.
And it doesn't mean that you're putting all your eggs in that basket.
You are still out there meeting, maybe possibly dating other people, okay?
We don't want to put all our eggs in one basket.
That's when we can sometimes emotionally attached.
So then when things don't work out, things start crumbling and we start getting heartbroken
and discouraged and hopeless because we were really hoping this would pan out.
And then if it doesn't, so you're still going out, you're living life.
What are things that you enjoy doing?
Make sure that you're going out, getting out, doing things that you like to do.
Okay.
And then again, you're going to allow him to kind of pace this and you're just reciprocating
efforts.
Now, when we talk about reciprocating efforts, ladies, we're not saying that the man is always
reaching out to you.
He's reaching out every now and then you're also reaching out every now.
It's a kind of a back and forth, okay?
We do want men initiating meetups and dates, especially after the first date, you're going
to want him to initiate that second date, but they're going to need to know, but you
already have a second date kind of playing with them, right?
Okay.
So this is just maybe for the overall community, but that reciprocation is, Hey, I have some
free time this weekend.
We'd love to get together if you're free.
And then if he's free, he can, if he's not, then let's hope that he is a good communicator.
And if he's not, we're going to give him grace.
Okay.
Cause not everybody's going to be a good communicator because he might be like, Oh, I would really
love to do that.
I'm really tied up.
We got a lot of stuff going on with my mom and I can't get away this weekend, but I'm
free on Wednesday.
Are you free?
There's that reciprocation.
Or if he says, Hey, I want to get together.
Oh no, I really want to get together, but I I'm preoccupied here, but how about we do
this day instead?
Are you available then?
So that we're going to, again, reciprocate efforts.
Okay.
So given the space, I always say communication is so valuable.
Okay.
But like you said, you're still in those.
early stages. So this is a guy that you're pouring everything in.
You're still out there getting to know other people because if we don't know
his, we don't know what the situation is going to look like.
We don't know if all of a sudden he's just not going to have the capacity and
he's going to need to say, I'm sorry, I can't do this right now. I need space.
Then you're not going to be tore up because you're also like, okay, well,
I'm also getting to know other people. Now you're gonna have to say that to him.
Okay. You don't have to disclose that you're dating other people. Okay.
Until you're like, until you're exclusive, like you're not,
you're not tied. You're not obligated to somebody. Does that make sense?
And they're not obligated to you.
So I just continue praying on, on, on your spare time,
on your own prayer time and then just reciprocate efforts and let him know that
you enjoy getting to know him.
You want to continue and just ask him,
can you just openly communicate what your needs are when,
when you have needs? Does that help?
Yes. Thank you.
Good, good, good. All right, Karen, thank you for being so patient.
You're welcome. I'll try to make it quick, but I have a few different things,
which I know take up the whole hour. But so I've got one guy,
we've been talking since I think the 12th of May, every couple of days,
you know, I'm in the middle of a huge move.
I'm downsizing. I had to get a storage unit. So I'm like,
I'm like, my time is so limited.
100%.
What's that? Yeah.
The 100%.
Exactly. So, and he's been really patient, you know,
he's been really kind and he said he wants to meet,
but he's made no effort as to like when. So,
but the other question, it's kind of a twofold.
I, I live in Georgetown, Texas. He lives in San Antonio.
So he's about 80 miles away and I'm not at really in a position to
be dating, you know, like long distance,
but I have, I've been on the app. I don't know how, like how long now,
probably at least, at least two months,
maybe three now since I started the program and maybe even
longer. There's no one in my area that has,
you know, started conversations. I've got one guy now in town.
He's about five inches shorter than I am. No judgment,
but it's just a little awkward.
That's yeah. That's, that's a big, big height gap. I get it.
He wants to meet my, you know,
and I told him I was in the middle of a move that it'd be, you know,
after this date. So anyway, but,
but one more thing, it never dawned on me, like in my heart,
moving out of this area has never been like
an option for me. And I, and so I'm not even looking,
which, you know, maybe I should be, I don't know.
Okay. Yeah. A couple of things here. So
you're in Georgetown currently and you're moving in to lift
20 minutes away. Liberty Hill. Okay. Gotcha. Okay.
That's actually where my husband grew up. Yeah. Um, okay.
So that's your, your move is just like 20 minutes away. Okay.
But he's still in San Antonio and you're right. That is,
but it's like an hour and a half, two hour drive. Yes. Um,
what do you, when you say you're not open to long distance,
is it because you don't, you just feel like you don't want to move?
My three children and my six grandchildren are here and I think,
don't me.
So it's you,
you cherish and value being close to your kids and grandkids. Yes.
Okay. I can understand that.
So is this man in San Antonio,
is he open to relocating?
You know, I don't know. He's we, we haven't,
we've talked very little just about the nothing personal. Okay.
So I want to encourage you to stick with this and to get to know him. Okay.
So after two or three dates, then it can, it can be brought up of, Hey,
you know, I'm enjoying getting to know,
especially after two or three days and you,
you really find some good qualities about him that you like,
like you share that he's patient and kind. Those are good fruits.
You're letting him know that you have a move and you don't have a lot of time
right now. And he's being patient and kind with that ladies. That's,
that's being a fruit inspector. Okay.
So you really love and value that he is like that.
So those are good qualities. So after two or three days,
if you continue to see, you know, fruit after that third date, you can say,
look, I really admire,
and I am attracted to all of these qualities about you.
I am going to.
to share with you, I'm not in a position to relocate.
Is that something that you would be able to do
in the future if we continue to get to know each other
and this goes somewhere romantically?
That's when you can have that conversation
after like three days.
And you're saying it goes somewhere
and really enjoy them, okay?
But let's not disqualify them right away
until you spend some time getting to know them.
One thing I will share is he might not have initiated
a date because he's allowing you space.
When you have the time available, let him know.
Hey, I really appreciate how patient and kind
you've been with me about this move
and us getting together.
I wanna let you know I'm actually free on Friday or Monday.
I'm free on Friday and Monday.
Would either of those days work for you to get together?
I would really like for us to meet.
Okay.
And then, so that's kind of your drop in the hanky
and you're opening the door because he's,
I think he's just respecting your boundaries.
I do too.
So that right there, if he isn't respecting boundaries,
ladies, that is being a fruit inspector.
Good, awesome quality.
And so, yeah, start there.
What about a video date?
What about a, you think a video date would be
another good option?
Video dates are fine, but if you guys can make
an in-person date happen, go for it.
Ladies, you're gonna always hear me say,
video, in-person dates are always,
if you can make this happen, make this happen.
Okay.
Video dates are great when you are several hours away
and it's almost impossible to get your schedules aligned.
And there's gonna have to be like a financial investment
in having to go see them.
Like, I mean, you might have to hop on a plane
or someone's gonna have to travel three hours
or they're gonna have to maybe get an Airbnb
sort of situation because it's a longer distance.
That's when it's good.
Or if you're meeting them online and you just,
sometimes it's like, I just need this vibe.
I need to make sure that they're a real person.
All right, I need to make sure
that they are who they say they are.
Then you're gonna do a video call.
Okay, but most of the time, if you're feeling,
like you're getting the gut feeling like,
okay, this is really great guy.
You've had some phone calls.
Get the in-person date if you can.
All right?
Okay.
One last thing I want to encourage you
is that you said, you're speaking this,
there's no one in my area.
Let's not make absolute statements
that tie us to something that we might be believing
that might not actually be true.
You're right.
There's nobody that has surfaced in your area yet.
Yes.
Doesn't mean that there isn't someone there, okay?
Or someone that you meet in your area
that knows of somebody in your area.
Cause maybe they're just not in all the places
where you think to look.
Okay?
So just spend time with that.
Think about that.
That goes for all of you ladies.
I know it's really, really easy.
Hey, I did it too.
Cause I was, like I said, Elaine,
I was talking to Elaine, like she lives where I live.
And I'm like, oh, there's nobody that's single in my area.
Everybody in my area is already married with kids.
And so I wasn't meeting singles,
but truth be told, there were singles in the area.
There was lots of them.
I just was not coming out of hiding and sharing enough.
Hey, I'm single, ready to mingle.
Like bring me, bring me the guys.
And so that's what I can tell you ladies,
come out of hiding, share with your community,
let people know, hey, I'm open to dating
and I believe that God's got marriage for me
and I want to start meeting people.
So if you know of anybody, send them my way.
That's why you ladies are going out,
getting dressed up, going, getting active,
going out and doing things,
putting yourself in positions
where you're meeting new people.
Okay?
I even say, introduce yourself
and make small talk with people that you don't,
that you're not interested in them for a date.
Even the women, go out and like make friends with ladies.
You never know who's tied to you tonight.
Can I ask a question, Karen?
Okay, what about like,
so I've been like anything like 80 miles and further,
I've just been clicking off,
like just X-ing out, X-ing out, X-ing,
because it's just not,
it's not conducive for me to go travel to them right now.
Okay, the state. So this is what you can do. Okay, is in your
profile, be like, I am not I do not have the ability to
relocate, but I'm open to meeting people that potentially
could relocate themselves. Okay. So, so ladies, you might not be
able to relocate. But if you're open to long distance dating,
and what God possibly has, then I wouldn't say x people out
because maybe as long as they they up your upfront, like, hey,
I can't move. But I would like to see where this goes. So are
you let me I just want to clarify first. So are you
clicking because you are just not in a position to relocate?
Or are you just not in a position where you can spend
time away? Occasionally, where maybe you go travel a day or
two to go visit them, and then they do the same.
Hmm. I guess I, the way I see it in my head is I could go meet
someone halfway. But if it got serious, I wouldn't be able to
maintain that. Okay, for any length of time, you know, three,
six months.
Why? Why do you think you are not able to maintain that? Is
is it?
finances would be a big one. And job.
Okay, so your job? Are you so you can't take a lot of time
off? Correct. Okay. So again, I don't think you have to
literally say like, you're completely shut off to it.
Right? Hold it loosely. Okay, surrender that pen a little bit
see what God wants to do. Okay, because here's another thing,
ladies, like, I was a single mom, I had, like, long distance
was, like, a bit scary for me. But like I said, Jackie
prepared my heart. A week before my husband reached out to me, I
thought he lived in Florida. He actually lived in Texas. And so
when we converse the first time, um, he showed me he was like the
Dallas Fort Worth area. And I was like, like, whatever, I'm
gonna be open to it. The cool thing is, he worked remotely,
but his company was based in Clearwater, which is an hour
away from Sarasota. And so he was able to travel to me through
his work where his work paid for his travel. But he also was
financially able to cover my flights to Texas. And so my
husband financially provided in our dating time, okay, now there
was like one occasion, I think I fronted a little bit of the
money or something like that. But men, you never know what the
financial situation of the man is. And if he is interested in
you, and wants to get to know you, and he is intentional with
you, who's to say that he's not gonna say, Well, I would like to
fly you up here to see me, I'm gonna, you know, set you up at a
friend from church's house that you can stay in, or I'll cover
your hotel fees, I'll cover the Airbnb, whatever that looks
like. And so I would, that's why I say, hold that stuff loosely,
because you'll be surprised how sometimes God will orchestrate
to make sure that those types of things can happen. So and again,
as long as you're being very forthcoming, when you're
meeting people, you know, and like I said, after like, three
dates, and you see that this potentially could go somewhere
romantically, that's when you can say, Hey, I want to continue
to get to know you better. Here's some things that I'm
concerned with that might put roadblocks for us to continue
this. What are your thoughts on that? And then let them share
what their thoughts are? Because maybe the guy's gonna be like,
Oh, well, I'm more than happy to cover your travel costs for you.
Because I really want to spend time with you. And you know
what, I can come down there a majority of the time to spend
time with you and go on dates with you. Does that make sense?
You're kind of confirming what I felt like the Lord just showed
me like a little bit ago.
Great how he does that. I'm telling you like everyone's love
story will also be a testimony to other people. That's why I
love this program. Because a lot of our situations and dating
experiences and circumstances, there's probably someone in this
program who has a success story that's tied to some somewhere
where you feel blocked. And God's just going to show you
like he can do some incredible things with y'all's love stories
as long as we surrender the pen. I had to surrender the pen in a
lot of areas and until I was ready to do so, and I had to go
through some dates to get my heart prepared to surrender that
pen is when my husband got introduced to me by a woman.
in this program actually she was on lookout she was being my wing woman when she was dating someone
she was in you know apps and things like that and she saw this she saw my husband and she was already
dating someone she's like i think this is for you carla i'm reaching out to him like you just never
know if i would have met my husband like prior to that i probably been like yeah no you're you're in
texas i'm not dating you he actually and then there was another confirmation one of jackie's
private clients talked about him because she was in that same community that my friend saw his
profile she shared with jackie about him so then when i came to texas and we went down to
the austin area jackie and david met my husband and right before we met she's like oh my gosh i
actually know this guy one of my private clients was trying to introduce me to him and get him in
our program to introduce and match make with the women in our community and she looked at
what she goes carla i would have never matched him with you oh she's like i wouldn't have matched
him with you because he was in texas and you were in florida and you were so headstrong about
not moving out of florida so god used that as a confirmation too or i was like okay
okay so just you never know how god wants to write your love story ladies okay i apologize
i definitely way way way over time um i didn't get to um pull some of the comments in the chat
so if you had a question and i didn't read it please please please share it in the app
in our community so that myself or ebony can get to your question ladies i hope that you have felt
encouraged um i hope you all had a lot of fun got lots of questions answered um and just keep
showing up okay don't don't forget that activation um with the roll call make sure that you're doing
that this week and next sunday as well okay sound like a plan ladies it's been a pleasure
love you all and i will see you next week thank you