Alright, awesome. Welcome, ladies. This is our Love Story Accelerator live check-in call
for June 3rd of 2025. For those of you who don't know me or are watching in replay, I'm
Carla Johnson. I'm one of the dating coaches here at Last Year Single. I'm a success story.
I've worked this program myself, came to find Jackie towards the middle and end of 2020
and have been with her since. It took me a couple years, but my husband did find me.
I had to release a lot. I had to surrender the pen on a lot of things. I had to allow
God to come in and heal things that I didn't even realize I needed a healing from. I had
to get uncomfortable at times, take the wisdom and guidance from Jackie over and over and
over again, but it did happen. It's just an honor and blessing to be here. It truly is
just awesome to be able to walk on this journey with you ladies and give you all what I received
in this program. It's truly my heart. I hope you ladies always know that there are times
I have to rip band-aids off. I have to have difficult conversations. I have to expose
things sometimes. I hope that you know my love for each and every one of you is strong.
I care about you all because I've experienced it myself. Just know that all of us here at
Last Year's Single Love care about you tremendously. We know that God has wonderful, great things
in store for you, not just the husband, but so much more. There's just so much healing,
redemption, reconciliation, upgrades, and breakthroughs that last forever. To me, that
is the biggest part. Coming and showing up and being vulnerable is so important in this
program. While yes, we always are like, this is the dating for discovery phase, if you
will, where we release you ladies to start dating the men, I do want you to realize it's
not just all about dating men. Even if you're stuck and not getting dates or you're getting
frustrated on your dates or you're not dating, maybe you're like, I need to just heal a little
more. I need to sit and soak it in. You're in the right place. There's so much that it's not
just about dating. I know that one of our ladies in Roll Call is our good friend, Mary. I don't
think she can be with us today, but she was like, I think I need to just pause being here
because she's going through some other stuff that really doesn't have anything to do with dating,
but it does have everything to do with heartwork. That's what our foundation is here.
That's why we have the Love Story successes is because heartwork is at the core, at the center
of it. Just because you might need to push pause on dating because you're going through
something, it doesn't mean that you can't come to this community and get support and share with us
what you need from us, how we can help you in whatever season you're in. I hope that you
ladies know that. I really wanted to take time to emphasize that because I know sometimes, again,
we can get like, well, this is the dating phase. I have to be dating. That's not necessarily the
case. Yes, we want you coming out of hiding and we want you practicing dating and doing it
differently than you did before heartwork, but sometimes our journeys look a little different
than what we anticipate. That's super important. Again, I hope you all hear my heart and hear our
sincerity, but we're always here for you. A couple of housekeeping things. Okay, good. I'm
seeing more ladies coming on, so this is good. I was a little worried when I was like, wait,
this is a new link because I always still go to the app. I still click on it, but I'm like,
that's a different password. I'm glad I'm seeing more people showing up. That's good.
A couple of housekeeping things. Just a reminder, ladies, please refrain from creating any post
that link authors, speakers, pastors, influencers, any of that. Did I say authors?
We just don't have the bandwidth to vet their libraries and we want to always make sure that
it aligns with what we teach here at Last Year Single. If
If you happen to do that, and then we remove it,
and you don't see it, just know it's,
if you linked somebody or quoted a pastor or an author,
we have to usually take those down.
So just keep that in mind.
It's not that what you're sharing isn't powerful,
and we're excited that that's something that helps you,
or is connecting you with God in a different way.
Like, that's amazing.
We just need to make sure that we honor what we teach here.
And like I said, it doesn't mean that those authors
and speakers aren't amazing,
but we just can't bet their library, okay?
I hope you all understand.
So that's one.
And then I do wanna remind you ladies,
just a brief reminder, we do have an admin email,
but I really wanna emphasize that those admin emails,
we cannot take personal coaching questions on that email.
Okay?
And so if you have to reach out to somebody on the team
for like a technical question,
please just post in the app and give us, you know,
even a brief overview of what it is your question entails,
because we can help kind of direct you,
whether to send the email or if we know,
I'm like, oh, I know I can contact this person for you
and get the answer for you.
As long as, you know,
I understand some things are more personal in nature,
but we have an admin email,
we just have to make sure that we're not asking
personal coaching questions, okay?
Like if you have a dating situation
or a heartwork situation,
we can't, we just can't take all of those emails in that,
because it's, we have lots of emails that come in,
hundreds of emails come in a day.
And so the manpower it takes
to answer all those emails is just,
it can get overwhelming if we're doing that.
Now, what I will say is we are in the works
of getting a website together
where we do offer personal one-on-one coaching sessions.
Those are an additional cost.
They're 50 minute sessions.
If you just need more one-on-one time with a coach
to process through something.
We have this, you know, forum here on Tuesdays
for you ladies to ask your brief questions
and for myself or Ebony to give you a quick response.
And sometimes, you know, we unpack a little more
and it actually helps other women
on their growth and healing journey as well.
But we are in the works
of getting that put together as well.
So we do offer that, there's just limited sessions,
but we have a handful of coaches,
myself and Ebony included,
that do take one-on-one calls, okay?
So just keep that in mind.
We haven't launched that website yet.
So don't like, don't overload us too much, all right?
I know it's exciting, but just keep that in mind.
Like if you just feel like I need a little bit more
than what we're doing in the app
and on these live sessions.
But I do wanna emphasize
when you ladies come with your questions,
know that you're impacting all the women on the call,
but also the ones that are on replay.
I walked through this program
and I got so much healing from my sisters
that came with their questions
and had to walk through seasons of their life
that they had to, you know, grow and learn from.
It helped me and it gave me encouragement,
helped me feel like I wasn't, you know,
alone and by myself in this process.
So I want to encourage you ladies
to allow yourselves to get vulnerable here,
allow yourselves to open up and share with us,
like your heart, we're here.
Like, you know, there's no judgment, there's no,
and if you're starting to feel like there's judgment
and you're feeling guilty or shame or anything,
like remind yourself that that's from the,
that's a lie from the pit of hell.
God does like, God wants community.
Like he wants you healed, he wants you married,
he wants you in community.
Like, so when the enemy is lying to you
about that stuff, like you just,
you can send that straight back to hell, okay?
So I just really want to emphasize that,
allow yourself to come here and get vulnerable.
You will see so much breakthrough from it.
And when you come and get breakthrough
from your vulnerability,
you're helping other women get breakthrough as well.
And so that's what we're here for, all right?
And lastly, when you are finished
with Love Story Accelerator, which is our phase,
we, you know, it's phase two,
but we call it Love Story Accelerator.
Remember that best practice
is a minimum of five weeks here, okay?
A minimum, doesn't mean that you have to be out
in five weeks, it's a minimum of five weeks.
with active participation, along with completing those bit,
you know, one video a week,
which is gonna total five videos.
And then once you've done that and you're ready,
you can request to join the Love Story community.
And that's like what we used to call phase three, okay?
And that email is admin at JackieDorman.com, okay?
Any questions in housekeeping stuff?
Good?
Everybody good?
All right, awesome, awesome.
Did you say that we needed to go on seven dates?
Okay, that's a really good question, Lori.
Before that time, because I...
So we give you the challenge, a seven date challenge.
That does not mean you have to complete the seven dates
before you move on.
Ladies, I didn't get seven dates for over a year.
I didn't date the first year.
Now, I wouldn't suggest that.
But I also know I had a lot of healing to do on my own.
I had a lot of self-worth and identity healing
that needed to come out.
And I had to feel comfortable and confident
to put myself out there.
I was also a single mom.
So I was honestly blocked a lot of times
thinking I didn't have time.
Or I was being picky about the guys
that I went on dates with.
So the seven dates, it's just to get you activated
and start putting yourself out there.
Because a lot of us, we've been in relationships
in the past and there's wounds there.
And a lot of times those wounds kind of keep us guarded
and not wanting to come out of that hiding
and start getting to know men again
and putting ourselves on dates.
And we're dating differently now.
We now have new information.
We have this program.
We give you a lot of, I don't wanna say rules
because then I don't want y'all thinking it's so rigid.
They're guardrails.
We set things in place and we coach you through like,
try this, work on this, be open to this
because we've seen success with it.
And even then, I don't wanna say we have rules
because I'm a rule follower.
And so if I broke a rule, guess what happens?
Shame, guilt, beat myself up.
I did this wrong.
I ruined it.
I ruined my spirit mate.
You know, if that guy was my husband, I just lost my shot.
And that's not how God operates.
And so, you know, I can just even just briefly share.
When I met my husband, I was ready to cut and run
before we met in person.
We were dating long distance, got to know each other.
And I was trying to find every reason to just cut and run.
Like this isn't gonna work out
because I was just at the point
I'm like, this is not gonna happen for me.
I wanted to cut and run
and I probably overshared more than I needed.
My husband overshared a lot.
And I know sometimes we're like,
oh, he overshared, that's not okay.
Then we put the rules on the men.
And I'm so thankful that I had grace for my husband.
I also had grace for myself when I'm like,
ooh, that was a little too much information too soon.
But I didn't mess it up, y'all.
He's married to me.
All right, so I hope that helps you, Lori,
that, you know, again, it's not a rule
that you have to do the seven dates.
We wanna encourage you to get to the seven dates.
However God decides to pace you on that is,
we're here to support.
We're here to support God.
We're here to partner with God and you, okay?
That's good.
I have another question about readiness, but I can wait.
Yeah, let me get through our activations
and then raise your avatar hand.
I see we've got three other questions.
So we will jump into that here in a moment.
So thank you though for that question.
That was really, really good.
Let me see.
I wanna make sure I'm not missing anything.
And then I see some people post in the chat.
So, okay, just real quick, real brief.
If y'all saw, if you're on last week or you saw the replay,
I activated you.
ladies to start, you know, reading through and processing
through those roll call posts that Jackie or not Jackie
Bethany post on Sunday, and putting yourself out there on
our app and communicating with us like what's going on. So how
did everybody do with that? We got this last Sunday and you can
unmute to share if you if you need to, like we had. Well, we
had Jackie had that storms that quick storms active like she
shared that which I just watched that today y'all how we're full
because and I don't know if you ever are on those supernatural
Saturdays or you hear them a lot of times when Jackie's
releasing words over our community. She's also talking to
herself. And she's not it's not just Yes, we're a community of
singles. But you know, Jackie's married, I'm married. Those
words are are from heaven. And they're powerful. And so I
really want you ladies making sure that you're getting on
those supernatural Saturdays. You're reading through those
pin posts, especially those roll calls, you're letting us know
what's going on. So how how did everybody feel they're doing
with that?
Well, I can start. I've been sharing a lot more than I used
to. And at times, I felt like I was oversharing. And you're not
just telling you the way I felt because I could see my name on
that app, like, post after post after post. So but it was
stressful. And I was like, Oh, my God, I can't do this. I can't
post after post. So but it was stretching myself out of my
comfort zone as well.
I love that. And ladies, did you hear that? She was getting
anxious because she kept seeing her name. What if we all started
posting so that we see everybody's name? And one
person's not just always seeing their name, right? So let's,
let's step out of that comfort zone and continue to practice.
Not just coming out of hiding in our communities in our local
communities and in life and, but let's come out of hiding here
in our community here. Like some of my best friendships now are
from this community. So many of the women in this community came
to my wedding. I mean, people that I thought I would invite to
my wedding, like college, you know, roommates from over 20
years ago. They didn't make that list because those weren't the
people that I was doing life with. I was doing life with the
women in this community. They were here to support me and lift
me up. I was sharing what was I was experiencing. They had
walked through my, you know, those my last year single, my
last two years single. And it was, it was beautiful. Like it
was beautiful. And, and to be able to still have the
relationships with them now is incredible. And like some of
them are married and some of them are in marriage minded
relationships and some of them are still single, but you know,
we stay connected and we, we care for each other. And it's
because we allowed ourselves to open up here. So really do want
to encourage that for you ladies. So let's keep that in
mind as we continue on this week. The next activation I
really want to share with you ladies is I really want y'all
practicing valuing men. And some of you are like, okay, yeah, I
value men. Some of us, this might rub us the wrong way
because we've been hurt by men. Okay. One of your sisters in
the community shared, I just saw her post today, shared a
beautiful, like growing healing revelation that she had. And I
really want you. So I want you ladies getting out, making eye
contact, smiling, and having small talk with men that you see
out and about. Okay. Young and old. Okay. This isn't an
activation for you only to do this with guys that you, you
think are cute and you want to go on a date with. If that
happens, awesome. Great. Like bonus, right? But it really is
about just seeing men for their worth and their value. Okay.
Because you're going to want men to see your worth and value
too, because you are worthy. You are valuable. And God created
men and women for one another.
because we all have strengths and so let's start appreciating and valuing the
strengths that men do have we're better together y'all that's why do you think
marriage is God's does like purpose is design it's his divine plan right in the
garden Adam and Eve so let's practice that this week and then I want you
ladies posting sharing about it like don't be shy okay and if you are shy
and you're struggling with this come and let us know this I'm really having a
hard time with this Carla like this this is stretching me because we can unpack
that with you we can we can walk you through the process we're here to
support you okay is there anybody
nervous about this activation anybody maybe we're just not wanting to admit it
yet I see some of you are laughing and smiling so that's good okay this is this
is about having fun I will tell you Jackie had us do this years ago when I
was in the program and we used to make the community of women that we were I
was in we used to make it a joke about going to Home Depot because that's where
the men were they all shop at Home Depot and Lowe's they're like you know fixing
things so you know and so we would always joke about that so have fun with
it all right okay I'm gonna check the comments here in the chat so I don't
miss any questions and then I'm gonna open the floor for you ladies to get in
the seat with your questions we'll help you unpack whatever it is that you need
to unpack all right Ashley you're too you're behind on two meeting replays
okay that's totally fine I think I've been here eight weeks okay yes yes it's
fine if you're here eight weeks I totally get it I'm glad that you think
it's fun I do want to encourage you ladies like it's okay to stay here for a
little bit but if you really do know that you probably need to move on like
you're gonna have fun in the next step to the next stage is fun too so I get it
and I love that you got that you ladies enjoy it I try to be as upbeat and fun
as possible I try not to take things too seriously but I also like I said I I'm
gonna be your I'm gonna be your sister that's gonna be real with you like but I
do my best to always practice it in the loving kind way because a lot of times
I've been I've been there I know exactly what it's like all right Kim
you've been feeling distracted okay a lot of things going on I want to get
more focused and engaged good yeah distraction that's sometimes the enemy
yeah I can't tell you the enemy is always using distraction for me I
struggle with ADD and so my mind it I like me and my husband joke we're just
a family of squirrels me and him and our three kids so I easily get
distracted where I often times feel like I get things accomplished and then I get
frustrated so just pick back up and get going it's totally fine like
distractions will happen you don't have to beat yourself up for those I'm so
glad you love this activation yes okay Lori it's not letting you post I need
probably fixing the problems but I guess there's only email okay Lori are you um
are you on the app on your phone or are you on your desktop okay so I was on my
desktop okay and it just I click on I click on the to read what Bethany wrote
and then underneath there it's my picture and it says to say something I
click in there and nothing like the little blue bar comes up to for me to
type and nothing types okay um do you have a way of downloading the app on
your phone the my app on my phone isn't working right either like it won't let
me do these I'm really frustrated with it I know I let me do it won't let me do
like so I missed the first part of the meeting because I was coming from a
meeting and I was trying to to log on on
my phone, I, I, I reinstalled, I deleted and reinstalled both
zoom and the app. I restarted my phone. And then I clicked, I
clicked on the link and it says web page not available. And
then so the tech support got back to me. And they sent me a
link and I clicked on that link. And that link brought actually
brought me up into zoom. But it said, it said, host has not
started meeting yet. And like, it's 1102. And I know you guys
start pretty promptly. And then I got in here and got on my
laptop. And you are all here having your discussion. And
yeah, okay. So
so you're, so you're struggling with posting in the app, and
then also still getting the zoom links to work.
Hmm. Okay. Let me
and I need I'm not techie. I mean, I need to get me and be
like, okay, press this button, press this button, do this, do
that. Okay, well, I'm going to encourage you again, to send an
email to admin and just explain some of your frustrations and
express that. Okay. Um, cuz I did be Jeff. Okay. I just did.
Well, I mean,
I'll follow up doing
paying attention to you. I'm sorry.
That's okay. That's totally fine. And I will follow up with
the team as well and say, Hey, like, what, what can we do? We
need to help you out so that you feel like you're accessing this.
And, and this is my only second my only my second, like week in
here with you guys. And I'm, I'm terrified. Like, I really am. I
mean, I've had several confirmations that I'm supposed
to be get married again. And but I've been married three times.
And, and my heart has been that I want a partner, I want a
partner, I want a partner, I've had so many confirmations. And
now it's to this phase. And I'm like, maybe I don't. Maybe I
don't. I think I'm good by myself.
Enemy is coming. Well, and that's the thing, ladies, the
enemy. I don't know about you all. But a lot of times, when I
have technical issues with computers, I know it's the
enemy just come in and distracting you like I do one
on one calls with ladies. And I like I kid you not. Last week, I
had two one on one calls with women. And we were getting
breakthrough for I was getting we like these women were getting
breakthrough. And then all of a sudden, things were just acting
funny. Their their screens were freezing. I couldn't hear their
audio. I couldn't hear them. And I'm like, what is happening?
Y'all, that's the enemy. He's he's going to do whatever
possible to get you derailed and off what God has for you. But
that's when we have to claim it. We have to send it back where it
belongs. And we're like, if anything, you know what, I must
be doing something that the enemy doesn't want. And I'm going to
keep pressing forward. And this is going to give me confirmation
encouragement to keep going. Because there's healing and
there's breakthrough. And I have purpose over my life. And God
wants me married because he's got a purpose for my marriage is a
purpose for my family. And the enemy is going to want to keep
you from that. Ladies, I cannot express just even Jackie's
coaching like this week on Supernatural Saturday and that
brief clip she posted on the storms. Ladies, I'm experiencing
a lot of storms. Recently, my health like, you know, I wasn't
even anticipating coming and sharing this with y'all. But I
was going to the doctor yesterday to get my hormone
therapy. And they couldn't do it. Because my blood pressure
was extremely high, to the point that I'm 42 years old, and
they're putting me on blood pressure medicine. And I'm like,
what? And I'm frustrated. And I mean, I'm crying. I'm just, you
know, feeling like, why do I keep feeling like I'm in this
storm that I cannot get out of mentally, emotionally, and now
physically. And my husband was like, it's because you got to
get somewhere. And y'all, my husband did not even hear
Jackie's message. And he was saying it, she was confirming it.
And I'm like, whoo. So I just Lori, I want just to encourage
you, you are in the right place, we are not going to allow the
enemy to
sit here and distract you and frustrate you with all the technical stuff it we are calling on the
blood of jesus to get you through all of this technical stuff so you can get linked into us
and you can feel the support because we are here with you you don't have to be scared we baby steps
one day at a time all right we're gonna get you there all right um i believe it
all right um okay let's see here any more quick questions um awesome metaphors i always love that
um if we have time i want you to share it um okay so missy yours isn't working on the app
either you redownloaded it okay i'm gonna definitely contact the team after our call
today and just be like look we've got a couple frustration because our app isn't
aiming to want to work with us so the enemy is trying to to get us off our track here so
um i will i made a note so i'm gonna reach out to the team afterwards and we're just gonna pray that
jesus finds a way okay all right um yay tuning in from italy awesome okay i do not want to take
any more any more time up um and not allow y'all to ask your questions so let's go ahead
and get started i got four hands up don't be shy ladies don't be shy if you got questions let's
let's hear them okay um members short brief and powerful so we can get get through everybody's
questions and we're gonna have fun and we're gonna help everybody get breakthrough sounds good
all right i got iphone user is that bernice yes girl how are you
i miss you i'm good and i've been on here for a long time too and i know i need to move forward
but um my question to you is um on facebook did you get a lot of likes and friend requests
but there wasn't any messages and because i'm kind of frustrated with that because i get that
a lot but there's no messages so i feel like i'm always having to
yes yay yes and so sure
yeah and and then even today i got this like and the guy has his back to me you know i mean he has
his back on there and it's like it's like there's a picture of his back yeah well he's like at a
basketball game and then he has four pictures like he's you know coaching or something like
that but i'm like nothing in the face no and so i got frustrated today and i i just said
why would you send me a picture of your back and there's nothing in your profile and
and so love it it's back and he says well would it make a difference and i said well
i turned it around and i asked him the question would you want me to talk to your back
and then he didn't answer and he said well i don't want to waste your time but i'm getting
a lot of likes and and you know friends but they don't say anything and it's like today i was like
i went through all of them that were still there and i just started asking them the question you
know why why why are you sending me these likes but you're not saying anything okay
get it guys he sent me his phone number but he was like saying the same thing i'm frustrated
because i don't think these women on here are real and then sometimes i i feel like
all right are these people real because when i and that like four four of the men disappeared
right away so i'm wondering if that's facebook too well i mean it can be a number of things
so um yes you're gonna get you're gonna get bots at times i do think facebook has gotten better
with that you're you're gonna get you're gonna get scammers all right um i i do want to emphasize
ladies if you're getting friend requests don't accept their friend request they're strangers
still don't allow them access to your personal social media right that's super important okay
um i mean that's i think we even teach that in the online dating video it's been a hot minute
since i've watched that i mean i watched it several times but i think we really do talk about
online safety, and that is important.
Now, what I would coach as far as you getting likes,
I would encourage, kind of like what you're doing,
you're like, okay, they like me,
but then you're like, why are you liking me
and not sending me a message?
I'm gonna encourage you, let's not interrogate them
with that, and I get it, it's so annoying, y'all,
but remember, some of these men
are also experiencing the same thing,
and so the women and the men,
we're all just trying to navigate
this whole online dating thing,
especially if y'all are like my age and older,
like online dating was not how you dated,
like it wasn't, like y'all, I'm 42,
and it really didn't start until like my late 20s,
is when online dating became a thing,
like it's weird, but what I will say is,
you pull people that are married
and you pull how they met,
you get a high percentage now people are meeting online,
but we're all still trying to navigate it,
and so I think having the grace for understanding
that some men are gonna like you
and they might feel intimidated or reach out to you,
they might be trying to drop the hanky with a like,
and they want you to reach out
and show them that, okay, you're dropping the hanky,
I like you, I wanna get to know you better,
so instead just, if you look at their profile
and they like you and you look at their profile
and you're like, okay, I wanna get to know him a little bit,
I wanna just see what he's about,
I wanna see if he's a friendly guy,
find something on his profile,
if you can, if he shared anything,
and ask him a question about it.
What I did, I did that,
this is the first time I frustrated with this.
Okay, I get it, okay, when you've done that,
now you've released it,
now God has an opportunity to protect you,
and if guys are ghosting you or not responding to you,
I want you to start practicing this mindset is,
I'm God defended,
and he's keeping me from something
that he doesn't want for me.
So when those guys, like that guy,
like, dude, you putting pictures up of your back
and can't show your face,
and like, I'm not talking, like you said,
I'm not talking, do you wanna talk to my back?
No, like, I wanna know who I'm talking to
as a form of respect, like we make eye contact with people
when we're respectful
and having communication with them, right?
So I get it, and if he's just like,
I don't wanna waste your time, thank you, boy, bye,
I don't need to get offended by it.
If you're not gonna respect me
and have some eye contact with me
and honor like what we're all here for,
then if you have ill intentions,
I don't want to be a part of it anyway.
And so, you know, what I will ask,
if you find that you're constantly getting this frustration,
I want you, and ladies, I coach this almost every week,
we have to get to what is it that we're believing?
Is there a lie or a fear or an anxious thought
that's come into our mind that's showing some repetition
that God's kind of been like,
hey, I'm gonna highlight this to you
because I'm gonna heal this.
So is there anything that when this is happening,
what is your core thought
with men not showing any interest
and wanting to engage with you?
Is there anything that's coming up that you're believing?
I'm just thinking why?
Why is it that guys are not communicating?
They're just sending likes and then a lot of them-
What's that making you believe about men?
I don't know if I've even thought about that.
I really want to encourage you ladies,
like when that stuff is like,
like, I don't know if I've even thought about that.
Like, that's a valid question.
Why are these guys liking me and nothing's happening?
Let's go take those questions to God in our prayer time.
Let's spend time meditating and sit still
and let's be writing like,
okay, Lord, I need you to reveal to me.
me, why is this happening? And see what comes up. See what questions come up. You know,
one thing that I do sometimes, especially when I'm frustrated and I'm in my head and
I'm angry or whatever, I write it all out. I get it all out on paper. And once it's out,
then it's surprising, like I'll be writing and all of a sudden God is giving me words
of comfort and wisdom and things to focus on that I'm like, Oh, I didn't even realize
like that was what was happening. And so spend time with that. Like, so if that's happening,
but I want to encourage you, like, you're not alone. Guys will like, and then some of
them are bots because they want you engaged in that, you know, not like Facebook, especially
maybe not even Facebook dating, but the online sites that you might pay for, they want you
to continue to keep coming back. So sometimes I do think that's part of a strategy. I don't
know. I mean, I'm not an expert in the online dating, like the technical stuff that they
do behind the scenes stuff, right? Because remember like me and Lori, we're not, we're
not techie. I have no idea what they're doing behind the scenes, but you know, it's, it's
not uncommon that guys are going to like you and then they're not going to do anything
with it. Um, you know, if you feel prompted to send out a message, do it. And after you
do that, then release it. They might respond. They might not, if they do great. Um, if they
try friend requesting you, you can say, Hey, I saw you friend requested me. I'm, I'm going
to wait until we've gotten to know each other a little better before I accept your friend
request. Um, would that be okay with you? Would you like to set up a video chat for
us to get to know each other better if they're local? Hey, would you like to, um, go meet
up for a hike or a walk or, you know, a smoothie, uh, whatever, you know, ice cream, like, do
you want to get together, you know, and, and go from there? Okay. Does that help? That
helps. Yeah. I'm rooting for you girl. And don't worry about sticking around. We're here
for you. Okay. Thank you. You are welcome. Brittany. Hey girl, how are you? I'm doing
great. I did my seventh date on Sunday. Uh, I felt like God was just teaching me so much.
I love what you were saying about, um, valuing men because there's like two guys where it's
like, I think I'm going to go on like probably one more date with them, but I already kind
of feel in my spirit. I'm like, I don't know, not me, you know, for me, but I just felt
like God just saying like, honor the process. Like it's honoring and respecting to both
people. Like, even if you don't think it's like, this is it really for you honor it still.
And like, I felt like he's teaching me to value the men and like how they show up for
me, even if it's not for me. And I felt like he taught me so much too. Cause I've, he revealed
like a fear in me of, um, him giving me something that I don't want, like changing my heart
for things that I don't desire. And he's like, and I just felt on that seventh date, like
him really showing me that I, I don't force things on you that you don't want. That's
not who I am and how I work. And then, and then I learned how to value, like maybe this
isn't for me, but I can still value and enjoy it and trust that he is going to give me something
I want. And it was such a huge breakthrough. And then, um, I was going to make a post on
that. I haven't gotten to yet, but my question is there's another guy, um, that we went on
one day and it just felt so easy and natural to just like build a friendship with him.
Like in conversation, like just all of the conversation felt easy and natural. And like
I enjoy it. Like he's, I think one of the first guys that I could tell, like, I really
enjoyed his company and found him interesting. And, but the thing is that he hasn't said
anything about his faith. I mean, I've, I've mentioned kind of like, I'm in a inner healing
program modality and got certified with it. And I was just kind of sharing him, like,
you know, this is what I do with this and what I want to do with this. And he's interested
in, you know, listening to it, but I haven't heard him mention anything about his faith,
but I felt like on that first date, God was like really teaching me like, Oh, I, I can
just enjoy building friendships with guys. Um, but we're going to go on a second date
this Friday. And so I was just curious, like, at what point should we start like asking
those questions about faith? Like when is that kind of appropriate?
This is good. Okay. I love this question and my heart filled response to this. And I know
a lot of women do not like this. So I might even be a little hesitating to say it. Um,
you have those questions when they prompt the conversation about exclusivity. Okay.
If they haven't brought it up already.
Okay, but if they're if you're enjoying them and you're getting to know them and then you know, let's say
one two months in
They're like, hey, I really like you. I really want us to like take this to the next stage
I want I want just to date you. I hope that you want that for me
Then you get to respond like I've really enjoyed getting to know you. I
Enjoy your company
Just your friendship is you know, maybe not even use the friendship word, okay
I always try to like warn but just caution women to you throw it because some men have complexes about being friend-zoned
But just say I really have gotten
Enjoyed getting to know you share the things that you really like about them and just say one of the things
for me to feel comfortable and stepping into an exclusive relationship with somebody is
Where they're at with their relationship with Jesus I am in
Now I am looking for a relationship that's going to lead to a kingdom marriage minded
merit like marriage and
That's not negotiable for me. It doesn't mean
They have to be where you're at. They did that or
Let me let me rephrase that
They don't need to have been on the same walk as you
They have to have a desire and hunger to go in the direction that you are going
Mmm, that makes sense
That's really good. And that like you don't really see that until you really feel safe with someone and you know that I enjoy this
And yeah, so and I will say that ladies and I know a lot of women
You know, I'm gonna be real with y'all. Okay, and and just I've been I've been coaching now in this phase for over a year and a
half and
Obviously been in this program for almost five years
When and
I and I I fell trap to this too. Okay, and so I've done it. I've seen women do it
We are so hungry for a godly marriage
that when we meet someone and
They show us oh, yeah, I go to church I do this let's pray together. Let's do all these things
We start
Fantasizing and believing. Oh
This is it. This is the guy got it. God has brought this man to me
It's a facade
Like that happened to me
With my son's father
And then I got pregnant and
It was very clear he was not a man after God
He drew me away from God not towards God and so I really want to encourage you ladies
I know this is hard because we are so
found a like Christ is our foundation and
We want someone to honor and respect and be on that same page with us
but sometimes we jump-start that too soon and
then we get blinded by it and
We start I always call it it's like a
It's a false intimacy
when we share a
spiritual intimacies with someone too soon, it's
it can bond us and
can confuse us and
To get us and gets us in our blind spots, then we can't see it
Like there were so many red flags with my son's dad
But I believed he was the guy that got sent for me and he he went to church
he wanted to go to church with me and he wanted to pray with me and I didn't know really know this guy and
so that like
Yes, Laurie see the fruit first spend time getting to know them. See how they show up. Do they have the fruits of the spirit?
When you're when they're out in community or they're with their friends like are they patient are they kind are they loving do they have
Self-control are they gentle?
Like how do they show up?
What's their heart posture?
Mean people can have there there are men like there are men and women out there that can preach a good word on
the Sunday and
They're not a good spouse
Like we want to see their heart
Religion
Can get yucky
It can get misguided
And so it's so important like let's get to know the person
And let's not jumpstart that so
Again, I know it's not what y'all like to hear. I encourage that if they
do not bring it up you can bring it up when they're asking to be in a
relationship with you exclusively like exclusively and then you can share this
is a non-negotiable I need to be in a relationship with someone that wants to
get married in the future but most importantly is going after God's heart
and so we're not gonna judge where they've been we're gonna hopefully have
seen through time how they show up and are they teachable do they want a
relationship with God doesn't mean that we're we're not ministry dating we're
not going and dating and ministering to men to get them to come along our side
so that they can be our partner no it's got to be a heart transformation for
them as well does that help does that make sense
my stir in some pots for people
doing it as lovingly as I can but I'm glad this is helping I'm so so glad um
that's a really good question though and I am really thankful that you asked it
and I love that God is confirming to you to value the men and honoring the
process and and I love that you even shared like the the fear that God's not
gonna give you something that you don't want like that just I felt Holy Spirit
on that you know God is a gentleman he is he is a perfect gentleman he's not
gonna force his will on us he's not gonna force us to take something that
you know we don't like you know in a way that you know we're just no I don't want
this I don't want this he's not gonna force us to take it and he's good he's a
good God
courage ladies you are welcome Marley hey girl
hi okay um so two things and one resembles a bit what Brittany just
shared so I went on a first date in-person date with a guy this week and
like right away I was like oh there are no sparks you know and during the
conversation he was very very gentleman like very very kind so we were talking
but I guess it was he was probably nervous at the beginning because he was
just bombarding me with questions and I was thinking oh I feel like I could get
out of there very fast but I stayed and of course I stayed and and it developed
into a very nice conversation and we went for a walk after and he showed me
art in the city different spots where he knew that they were pieces of art and
the history behind those so anyways to make a long story short at the end he
said well I really liked our and I think he was surprised as well that he turned
out to be that way he said well I enjoyed that and I would love to see you
again and so we're seeing each other again on Thursday morning for another
walk and but I that no sparks feeling is still there so again I don't want to
give the impression that I'm giving him the false false false hopes or anything
like that so that's if that's the first situation the second one is somebody
that I had a video chat with that person is eight years younger I thought
it was really really well lots of chats a lot lots of laughter lots of things in
common and and we both concluded by saying we want to see each other again
and then it was silence for I don't know how many days and when he went so
I I reached out and when he when we he did respond he said it was no there was
no way hello there was nothing it was just what's your phone number because
the last time we we we spoke he gave me his number and we FaceTime so I called so
he doesn't it doesn't look like he has my phone number
because I called through FaceTime.
So he said, what's your phone number?
And I was a bit frustrated by the response
because after silence, the response was,
what's your phone number?
No hello or anything.
So my response was, well, hello.
And I still haven't heard back.
And I feel like he's maybe playing games
or he's just too busy or I don't know.
I don't know what it is.
I just don't know.
Is he long distance?
Is he local?
No, we're in the same city.
Okay.
Again, I want him to kind of initiate a little more
with a second.
I do want you to spend time if this is,
again, and I get it, like sometimes it is.
The whole dating process can be frustrating for sure.
If you find yourself in a pattern
where you're recognizing this,
where you're getting annoyed when men are not responding
the way that you're hoping that they respond,
then we're gonna wanna unpack that a little more, okay?
But I get it.
I mean, I would do the same thing.
Like, dude, you can't like,
and I'm a very forward, very blunt person.
So I know like I handle things a little bit differently.
And so if this type of situation happens again,
I would encourage if you all communicate,
let's do a second date,
prompt them with, great, I would love to as well.
Why don't you go ahead and reach out to me
in the next day or two
and let me know a time that works for you.
Okay.
So now you've put it on them
to actually have to give you a response.
Now that is in their court, okay?
Because what I will say is sometimes there's,
I'll be honest,
there were times I was going on first dates with people
and I'd be like, they'd be like, yeah, this was great.
Let's do it again.
I'd be like, yeah, let's do it again.
And I didn't wanna do it again.
You know, I had to learn to not do that.
I had to learn to be like, if I didn't wanna do it,
I had to be clear and kind.
You know, thank you for spending time with me today.
I'm not sure a second date is something that I'm feeling,
but thank you for your time.
I really appreciate it.
And you can go on your way, okay?
So I think sometimes men have experienced that
and we just don't know what's going on in their head really.
So maybe he was hoping that you were gonna reach out.
And so, and maybe he was busy and he was like,
oh yeah, what's your number?
You know, maybe he needs an area of working
on how to communicate better and be soft in his responses.
And what I will say is when we're doing things
through text message, you cannot see people's face.
You cannot hear people's tone.
And we can miss read texts and messages all day long.
Yeah, for sure.
And so I'd like to see him, you know, initiate.
You might possibly say, hey, look,
I apologize if I came off short.
I thought we were on board with getting another video chat.
I really enjoyed our first time doing.
Are you still open for that?
If not, let me know.
If you are, what days work for you?
Okay, thank you.
And if he gives you yes, whatever, be like,
and here's my number by the way, right?
I find it funny that he doesn't have your number
if you called him from your number.
It was, well, it was through FaceTime.
So I called from my laptop and it was,
I think it was his first time using FaceTime
because he was-
Okay, so that makes sense.
So maybe he just doesn't really get it.
You know, which is totally fine.
I do want to touch a little bit on the sparks.
I know I talked about this several weeks ago.
I wish I remember which day,
cause I would probably direct you on to that,
to watch that replay if you hadn't already.
Okay, I know Jackie has shared on this.
And a lot of times ladies,
like I have listened to Jackie for five years.
So a lot of the things that she teaches
and she teaches over and over again,
like it is in my head.
And so she will communicate with you ladies
that sometimes those sparks are actually not ideal.
Yeah.
so we really have to kind of separate this sparks and maybe we need more of a
definition because maybe everybody considers sparks differently is that the
sparks where it's the fireworks that oh I really want to get to know this person
this you know I want to be romantic with them because again we'll coach the level
to you ladies really need a refrain from the romantic connection and I know a lot
of you don't like that but I will say in those early stages of level two I mean
I'm talking dates two and three okay by two and three you really don't want the
romantic connection by the third date that's when it's good to sit there and
okay it's a yes until it's a no but if you really are feeling like I am not
really drawn to consider a romantic relationship with this person then it's
understandable okay I remember I had that happen I had a really great guy
that I dated and we had three dates he wanted more and I kept saying I'm not
I'm not there yet I want to just continue to get to know you and he was
he was excited about it like I'm not trying to toot my own horn but he's like
you're the most beautiful girl I've ever dated I'm like okay thank you I
appreciate it's flattering but it's more than just the physical attraction like I
really do want to get to know you I want to see where like if we're on the same
page and I couldn't get there and I remember Jackie after a third date she's
like do you have like do you think at some point when you get married you're
gonna want to be physically intimate with this person and I was like no but I
didn't make that decision until after three dates
you can't you know after one date though I wasn't sure I was like okay it's not
there but there were things I liked about him there were things that I
appreciated and here's the thing ladies and I say this I preach this all the
time God is going to use all of your dating situations as opportunities for
you to grow and upgrade he wants to reveal things to you I dated a number of
guys some of them annoyed annoying me some of them were repulsive some of them
were nerdy some of them were not believers some of them were overly
religious some of them were in this community a lot of them were not but God
began to show me areas that I needed to heal in through every single one I I was
able to process and and really consider how I was showing up like God how can
you use this person to show me something that I didn't know before mm-hmm to
prepare me for what you do have for me ladies like for me it was a timing thing
it had to be on God's time not mine my husband had to be ready I felt like I
was ready bring him and I was gonna make it like I was even at a point like I
will make the wrong guy the right guy cuz I was tired tired of waiting and I
don't want you ladies doing that okay I want you be willing to allow God to use
this dating process to grow you and that's why we say it's a yes until it's
a no some of the best growth that I got were from being open to guys that I
might not have ever thought I'd want to get to know God used a lot of really
great men too like I love that we're doing this challenge of valuing men
because that was super important I had to to recognize that God had really
great men out there I believe it so you show me a lot of really great men a lot
of great men that weren't my husband cuz he's like every single one of these
men I created them for somebody else
I created them for marriage, regardless if it's you or not.
And I'm like, wow. So, and I, and I do want to also address,
cause I know this comes up as well. This, I don't want to lead a man on ladies.
The only way you're going to lead a man on is if you're kind of flaunting it out there,
like, and giving them this false hope, like I am more into you than I am.
And you're going to get something from me later down the road.
That's manipulation leading people on is manipulation. So
90% of the time when you ladies come with the, with the concern,
I don't want to lead this guy on. It's not coming from a place of
malice or manipulation. It's coming from a sincere place.
And if it's coming from a sincere place, I can tell you, you ladies aren't leading these men on.
You're getting to know them. That's, you're promising to get to know them.
You're promising to go on and to date, to be open to getting to know who they are.
You're not promising them a relationship down the road. I want to get to know you better.
And if there's a time when I decide, I don't think this is going to move forward.
After a few dates and you, it's again, it's a yes until it's no, then you can say, look,
I appreciate you. I really enjoyed this. I do not see this leading to a romantic relationship.
I wish you the best of luck. You're being clear and you're being kind about it.
And some men are going to appreciate that you did that.
And some men are going to appreciate that you did that because they are good men and great.
They have a really good woman out there for them that God has for them.
And you still have a really great man out there that God has for you, for your husband.
Now, some of the men might not receive it. Well, that's going to show you a lot.
That's just going to validate. Thank you, God. Thank you for showing me that, that
and confirming that person's not for me and you can bless them and you can block them.
You don't have to preach to them. You don't need to tell them what they did or need to do better.
You just be like, again, thank you for your time. I wish you the best block.
Okay. I hope, I hope you ladies are getting some good, valuable wisdom through this.
These are all amazing questions. I love it. I absolutely love it.
Stephanie Davis, girl, I haven't seen you. What's happened in your world?
Hi, my hair looks bad, so I can't come in here.
I love you.
I look like Don Kidd.
What's up?
Yeah. So I've been talking to this guy from Ohio
and it was a great conversation. I know we said that after a couple of days, we should ask
to either have a video call or a phone call. And today's my fourth time asking
and he has not responded. I explained to him, I tell him why I said, Hey,
you know, I just want to make sure that, you know, we are, both of us are a real person.
So, you know, we can either hop on a Zoom or we can hop on a phone call either. And he's still
not, I've not responded. And I want to be nice. I don't want to, I don't want to be rude,
but I don't think, you know, I should be asking you again. And I think I should just tell him,
I just think, you know, based on, based on this, I don't think we should continue the conversation.
Do you want me to give you some words like to use?
Well, I can handle that part.
Okay. Yeah. I, I, I agree with you. I, you shouldn't have to ask four times for a video call
that, that sends up a lot of red flags for me.
Okay. Great.
He's not willing to get on a video call. I'm going to now I'm starting to wonder,
is he, who he says? Yes.
Yeah. That's just, that's the same thing I said. And the conversation is so, I mean,
it's a great conversation. I've never met a guy, you know, talk about the Lord,
all that stuff. And I'm like, Oh my God, even though we're so far apart, it yeah.
So that's the thing, ladies. And if, again, I'm not going to assume he is a scammer,
but if he is, or if you find yourself with this and again, I'm not, I,
I don't want what I'm going to share with you ladies to freak any of you out. Okay.
So we, again, we got to remember the wisdom comes with balance.
If someone is
going to scam you, they are going to be very smooth with their words.
That's why I love the video calls because they can't hide who they are on a video.
I wouldn't even encourage the phone call.
I want to see you in person.
I want to see you face to face.
I get it.
We're long distance.
But yeah, I don't, I don't like, four times I've having just to ask, no, I mean, ladies,
you are here to date in real life.
You have to date in real life.
If you're going to want to marry somebody, marriage is real life.
You're not here to have pen pals.
You're here to date.
This is your season for dating.
And then you're going to get to a marriage.
You're not, you're not pen pals, we're not doing that.
So I think you will have wonderful words that will be very kind and clear.
This is not going to move forward.
I'm going to use Carla words.
Carla words.
I know my voice is in your head girl.
Well, I want to say this before, before I get off.
So it's, you know, when the time comes and I message you, you will know I'm coming to
my borrowed is your earrings.
If you wore, I tell you, I have those.
And that has been on my heart for you.
Okay.
So that's going to be my bar.
Okay.
There, there will be your something borrowed.
Okay.
And I said it back after.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye honey.
All right.
Lori.
So glad you're here.
Thank you.
So, um, I, before first year single, um, I had been on several dating, dating apps, um,
and a couple of Chris supposedly Christian ones, and actually the Christian ones were
the worst.
Like I got scammed, tried to, I mean, people tried to scam me so many times, like, and
bullying and put, like, if you don't come on this, what's up, we're over and like, okay.
See you later.
Um, but, um, I, and then I was on this other Zeus app for a while and like met a few guys,
but like nothing ever, um, they, they say, yeah, let's to get, get together.
And then something would come up.
Yeah.
But, um, so like, what is a good platform?
Like, I, I don't know, I'm, I'm a little bit scared because I've got a really bad taste
in my mouth from those previous, um, and they did have two questions and hopefully I'll
remember the other one, but I'm like, what is a good platform?
Like, so I wish there was this like miraculous app that's like, this is the one to go to.
Unfortunately, that's not the case.
Now we have partnered with arc.
It's a brand new app.
I encourage all you ladies to click on that, um, get the link.
And I know Laura, we've got to, we gotta, we gotta straighten out all of the technical
stuff.
Um, but we will have last year, single, um, partnership events that when you sign up through
our last year, single link, which is under the resource tab, and you will be invited
when the time comes for us to have these events.
And so it's, it's a newer app.
So you're, again, it's going to probably have a smaller demographic right now as they
are.
I live, I live in a rural area too.
I'm in Montana.
So.
Okay.
So, but even if you can find somewhere where, you know, maybe if there's enough notice that
you can have a little, you know, three or four day trip, you know, sort of thing happen.
Um, but, um, so I'm going to, I'm going to put a plug for that.
Um, I never experienced it cause it was a new app.
I honestly got a lot of good dates from Facebook dating.
Um, I know a lot of people use hinge salts, holy upward bumble.
There's a handful of them.
And I like what you brought up because a lot of times, and I see it in our community where
people are only set.
I only want to go on.
Christian apps. I get it, but like you said,
just because someone's on a Christian app
doesn't mean that they're a believer.
Doesn't mean they have a relationship.
And just because it's not a Christian app
doesn't mean that there are not people who love Jesus
that are on those apps.
Ladies, I was on apps that were not Christian-based
and I love the Lord.
And so keep that in mind.
I would say don't overextend yourself.
Try maybe two.
Sometimes you do a paid one and a free one.
Or two free ones, whatever.
Give it a good month.
I would say give the free ones a solid month.
If it's a paid one,
you're gonna wanna give it a good three months.
There is ebbs and flows.
Remember how online dating was for you before heartwork
is gonna be different how online dating is now.
And if it starts feeling similar,
it's probably because there's an area of healing
and some revelation.
There's a pattern or a belief or a lie that's surfacing
because of what happened before.
And so this is why I always encourage you ladies,
show up, post, comment.
Like Marley was saying, I feel like I'm posting too much.
You're not posting too much, y'all.
You're not-
This isn't going back to the picture.
So does that help?
Yeah, that's helpful.
So, you know, they have like on Zeus,
they had like profiles like you could,
they'd have like spiritual,
but not religious or Christian or Catholic
or like what categories like should you-
You get to decide.
You get to decide on this, okay?
I, okay, and I'm just speaking, this is what I did, okay?
Just because I did it doesn't mean y'all have to do it.
Cause remember, like I said at the beginning
and Lori, I don't know if you're here.
I don't like to say that we have rules.
Right, right, right.
Guidelines, we have guardrails, okay?
Like this is a discovery for dating process for you.
You're learning more about you as well.
What are your boundaries?
Who are you?
What do you like?
What do you want?
What do you not want?
You know, you get to make that choice.
I found it helpful for me to not get bombarded
was I was only going to like or respond to messages
or reach out to guys that had their category as Christian.
That was my choice, okay?
I know a lot of women that do that.
So you get, but you get to decide if, you know.
And I like that.
Cause at least I'm kind of filtering out
the possibility of nobody.
Like, I mean, here's the thing.
You're going to get people
that are going to put Christian on their category
and they're not really going to be like,
I don't know, for Jesus, you know?
Like they recognize it.
They believe in God and they think
just believing in God is, that's it.
There's no relationship.
There's no substance, okay?
But again, you're going to go on two or three dates
as long as they're not throwing you some red, red flags.
And if you're not sure about flags
or you want to say something's a red flag,
come check with us first.
And you're like, I always say your red flags
are going to be, if they are,
if they're completely inappropriate,
if they are crossing some physical, sexual boundaries,
they're saying inappropriate things,
they're not respecting your boundary.
If they are not like, that's a red flag, okay?
But if anything else, like you guys,
you ladies can come to us, like I'll, we'll let you know.
We'll let you know, okay, well, I get it.
That might be a yellow flag.
These are how we are going to see if it turns red
or if it's going to turn green.
And if you're like, this is what's happening.
I've had women share experiences
and they don't have any boundaries
and they think that what they're experiencing
with this man is okay.
And we've had to coach women and say,
no, this is a red flag.
We're concerned for your safety.
This man is modeling abusive behavior.
And if you continue and you don't end it,
we're concerned for you.
And we have to allow all you ladies to make your own choices.
So with, um, putting a profile up there, that's my next question.
Like I've been married three times, like, I mean, you don't have to share that with
men.
You don't.
Okay.
Cause I know I have that on my profile here with last year single, my profile here on
last year single.
Yeah.
Only Jackie and her two of my matchmakers, it's the men don't see that.
No.
Um, yeah.
You don't have to share that information.
And I know, and I just want to reassure you, your spirit mate that God has for you is not
going to hold your past against you.
Okay.
God is like, do you guys have coaching for like doing your, what is appropriate?
A lot of women say they type out their, what they want to share.
And then myself or Ebony can come in and we can give you pointers of, Hey, say this,
do this include this.
Um, I was just saying like, start off like, again, you want to be, keep it simple.
All right.
Cause a lot of, a lot of times we won't read the big, long profiles, you know, share a
little bit about yourself, um, your person, like what your personality, I was the one
thing that I use to kind of help me is I went to, um, to, I think I went, I actually
think I went to Bethany, um, cause she and I were good friends.
And then I went to my best friend and I said, okay, I need you to, to share with me, like,
how do you see me?
Uh, what do you would use to describe me?
And I would take, I took what like Bethany shared and what my friend Sarah shared and
I was like, okay, yeah, I like, this is, this is, you know, I am, I'm loyal.
I, you know, um, I forget him what they said.
This has been a year since I had that, my profile up.
Um, I'm just a good friend.
Like I am a good listener and I mean, I just shared a little bit about myself.
Um, I was, I did share that I was a mom.
I enjoyed, you know, my son was an athlete, so I enjoyed, you know, spending a lot of
my time was going to his games and practices.
We also enjoyed amusement parks.
We lived in Florida.
So we always visited Disney.
Um, so I shared a little bit about that.
I didn't give too much detail.
I never ladies, for those of you that have kids, like don't give too much detail, but
I want to, like, don't withhold that you are a mother, like you're going to want someone
that knows you're a mom because you're looking for someone to come and like, except the fact
that you have kids, like you're a package, you're a package deal.
Yeah.
I lost it.
I lost the date because I'm a mom.
And that's good.
Like, like I did y'all, I had one guy, he was actually in this program and Jackie's
like, Oh, this guy lives in your city, which was crazy.
Cause there wasn't a lot of like singles my age in this, in the city I lived in, in Florida.
And this man didn't, told Jackie, I don't know if I want to date her.
She's, she's got a child and she was never married and feel good.
Like the enemy wanted me to start believing lies that no good Christian man was going
to accept the fact that I had a child out of wedlock.
And God's like, no, like you've repented, you know, I've, I've come to like, you're,
you're forgiven.
And I'm married to a man now who is so understanding and forgiving of my past.
He doesn't hold that against me.
And so you don't have to share the whole, how many times y'all been divorced and all
that kind of stuff.
Like you don't have to share all of that.
Wait until you've gotten to know them to start giving them those layers.
Okay.
But share a little bit about yourself, where you live, what you enjoy, what, what, what
makes you, you, and then ladies make sure that you share, what do you like about men?
Like what are you looking for?
What qualities and characteristics are attractive to you?
Share that in your profile.
What are you looking for?
What do you want?
And let us know.
And we will, and we'll, we'll, we'll coach you through that.
We'll give you pointers.
We'll give you tips.
That goes for everybody.
All right.
I got, um, Lori and then Michelle, and we are like 15 minutes over time.
So, if we can be short, brief and powerful, I do want to take your questions though.
Laurie. Okay, so my question is around readiness to date. So I was just to kind of recap.
Where I'm coming in at a year ago in July, I parted ways with a gentleman that I was near to engaged with.
A ring in the making and really both out of obedience to the Lord and also to really to my own heart. He.
Was he's a Catholic, but not really any relationship with the Lord or.
Hunger and we were working, I started working with Danny silks.
And ended up going through Kylo University.
And coached with Brittany, Danny's daughter at that point. Okay. And yeah, definitely an equally yoked, but also had opportunities personally for me for growth and healing and boundaries and, you know, kind of 1 of those questions of how did I get here?
And I just, you know, I accepted things that weren't okay with me as far as, you know, a mate and under, you know, just anyway, so that has been like, so I basically I moved back from I am in Michigan.
I had been out in reading California for 5 years went to be a system. I moved back for this relationship in March back to Michigan, or you move back to reading.
I moved back to Michigan and in March and by July was parting ways and it was last year, March of last year in July. Yeah. Okay. Gotcha.
Yeah, yeah, so, and and was able to navigate through that really beautifully honoring and just really appreciating each other for the good that we brought and, you know, if anything, like, all the things that beyond the spiritual that were frustrating for me was really me, like, pointing back at myself and I really could see where I needed additional healing.
So, really went on that journey with the Kylo and then this last year single and I've experienced in our healing. So, I guess I haven't I haven't been working for like, a year now, but I am financially fine.
Okay, more than fine. So, like, but I, my, my dad also passed away in December.
My son, my youngest son eloped and so there was just a lot. It felt like triple grief. Yeah.
Um, but I feel like I feel healed and whole and with my boys and it just all feels really settled. And then, like, this, like, so many encounters the Lord where I just felt like he was just sealing in all the healing that, like, of the last five years.
So, it's just like, super beautiful. This season's been marked by so much beauty. Yeah, I would say. Yeah, since I would say maybe March of this year started really experiencing the beauty of the Lord and just goodness and sweetness and joy and feel like I'm feeling like myself again.
And I feel ready to date, but I have this belief in my mind that I can't work because well, I would say at large, because I don't have it all together from the standpoint of I should have, you know, just I don't feel like I've been ready until this point to really be like, okay, am I gonna work again?
Or I have, or am I gonna start my own business or, and have ideas, but honing in and, like, getting clarity on that. I feel like I have to have that together before I can move forward.
And maybe that's not well, and one thing that comes into my mind is just over the years, like, Jackie speaking on this sometimes.
our process and going through that or going to work is actually going to get us to that
person or that person is going to bring us to the job that we're supposed to. I mean
jobs can be temporary. Yeah. And so, but you mentioned this belief that you can't do something.
So let's like, Ooh, I feel that one. So anyway, so here's the thing. I sat in this belief.
I finished up. I had such incredible, that's incredible, really deep, dear. So intimate.
These encounters that I experienced through the first section and just feeling so alive.
And then I put this thing on myself, like, but you can put yourself on the shelf now
because you have to have this together. And I felt sadness then I felt like I came under
And I was sitting with the Holy Spirit and I said, what's going on? I feel like I've
lost all this beauty and this aliveness. And he said, you put yourself on the shelf. You
disqualified yourself. And I'm like, as soon as I said, okay, you can have the pen. You,
you can write it right now. Like I don't have it all together. And I feel like I've had,
I have it like lots of together in my life. So let's get to the, let's, let's start asking
Holy Spirit to show us where that root, where that lie came in, that I have to have it together
because ladies, do we all ever have it really together? It's like, Oh my word. I mean, like,
you know what? And actually I like, thank you. Thank you. We're always waiting on like,
just reminded me of something that Jackie shared. And this is, this is Holy Spirit.
I remember her talking about y'all know that saying, have your ducks in a row. Yeah. Jackie
pointed out, when have you ladies ever seen in a pond or lake with ducks where she got all her
babies in a row? There's always one way that she's having to go like back in here. You don't
ever have all of our ducks in a row. We don't have to be put together. We don't have to be
put together because Jesus did that at the finished work of the cross y'all. And so let's,
let's start asking Holy Spirit to reveal where did this enter? Where did this lie come in that I have
to be put together? I feel like, well, I think it comes somewhere from childhood, but yeah,
cause right. The rejection and perfection coming out of, you know, it will maybe if I'm perfect,
but yeah, it really, I want you to spend this week. I want you processing that. Okay. I want
you processing through that. I want you to come back next week, share with us what revelations
you have. What's God showing you if you don't want to wait till next week. Again, I encourage you
ladies to post things in the, in the app as well. So yeah, I really want you to work on that. I,
I'm, I think, I think some good healing. Yeah, I will do that. Do you, so is that and say,
I just needed to say it out loud. Is that so I can date. Yeah, you can, you can. And guess what?
There'll be healing in your dating. Ladies, there'll be healing. There's going to be things
that surfaced in your dating ladies. And I will tell you, like it, and it doesn't have to be
scary. It doesn't have to be scary at all. Okay. Let's just be open. Let's have those teachable
hearts. Let's be open to what Holy spirit wants to show us. All right. Let's be willing to receive
what he has through every experience, every interaction that we have. But yeah, you, you're,
you're out of heartwork. You are, you're ready for dating. Wow. We're here and we're here to
support you. And we're here to help you lift you up when, you know, because ladies, I'll be honest,
the roadblocks will happen. They do. They do. That's why we need Jesus. That's why we need
community. That's why we need each other. That's why God brought, that's why he made people for
people because he knew we couldn't go through this life alone. We needed him. And he brought
people to support us that will direct us to him because the enemy wants
to keep us in isolation.
Wow, I feel like I'm even sensing
that like it's just self-protection.
There's always gotta be some reason.
Yeah, you're protecting yourself.
So yeah, process through that more,
kind of ask Holy Spirit to reveal any memories
or areas like where did this enter?
And what healing needs to take place?
And again, ladies, I always wanna preface this
and I say it because sometimes I forget to do it.
When we figure out those lies that we're believing
and we recognize where they come from, that's not the end.
We have to replace the lie with his truth.
That is so important because then when the enemy
wants to come and give us that same lie again,
because he will, now we know the truth.
And the enemy can't sit and continue to use against us
if we have the truth to fight him off.
So just make sure ladies, when those hard work things
are coming up in your dating experiences
and when we prompt you questions and stuff like that,
make sure that you're replacing those lies
with the truth, with his truth, okay?
All right, Michelle, you've got the floor.
And ladies, if you have to go,
like I don't typically go this late
and that's all my fault.
If I get reprimanded for it,
I'm gonna take the blame, okay?
I know I talked a lot in the beginning too.
So just if you're new on the call,
just know we always don't go this long, okay?
We typically try to end it at like 2.15.
We try to keep it at like 75 minutes, 90 minutes tops, okay?
Michelle, thank you for being patient.
I'm so excited to hear what you got.
I know you said, I've been here for a while.
It's totally okay, we got you.
Yeah, I'll try to be succinct.
I just am asking for,
I wanna know if you think my perspective on this is healthy.
Like if I'm thinking about something the right way.
I think I am, but I just,
like, I don't know, affirmations.
So I've been seeing this guy for a while
and we've been on several dates.
I would say, obviously it's very preliminary,
like, cause we've only been on several dates,
but I don't have any concerns about him.
It's kind of been more of a slow burn
than I've ever experienced before,
but attraction and chemistry has definitely grown.
I find him really attractive, like we love,
we have really great conversations.
And I feel like we connect a lot on like a moral
and a spiritual level more than I have
with other guys I've dated.
And this instead, I think we just have very similar values
and ways that we kind of look at the world.
He is divorced and has two little kids,
which I've never dated anybody with that dynamic before,
but I am open to being with somebody with kids.
You work in the teaching field, right?
Right.
I remember this.
I remember a lot of this, so we're good.
Yeah, okay, cool.
So I will say about me a little context.
In the past, I would have never like went to coffee
with somebody if I wasn't like, okay, I've already decided
I can marry you.
Like I would, I have these really weird,
like needing to decide very soon thinking.
I think some of that was self-protection
and also that like fear of leading somebody on.
And then also one other piece of context.
So I grew up on a farm in a really kind of unique situation
where a lot of my family lives on a piece
of a 500 acre farm my grandpa owned generations ago.
So like, I grew up being next door to everybody.
And like, that's how everybody has,
like, I don't know how it's been that way,
but like, I see my cousins, like people see their siblings.
Like, that's just how it's always been.
So I always grew up with this very strong picture
of like, I'm gonna live next door to my parents
on a piece of this farm.
Because from the time I was a little kid,
it was like, oh, that's your piece of the farm.
Like, if you want it.
And I just took for granted that like,
I would meet somebody local like everybody else did.
And that's where I would live.
And so I felt though like the Lord recently
has been asking me to like hold that more loosely.
Cause that feels, it's like, it's starting to feel limiting.
Cause then it's like, okay, I'm gonna meet this guy now
who's not 20 when my cousins got married,
when they don't have anything,
but somebody who's in their mid thirties
who's like established somewhere, you know?
And be like, by the way, we have to live next to my parents.
Like that feels really weird.
And I'm not even sure that that's something
that I feel that I need to do.
It's just that it's been such a strong picture.
through my head. And this guy, because of his shared parenting,
I would have to live about an hour away. Um, which I, it gives
me some anxiety, but I don't feel like it's a deal breaker.
So that's why I have like, I'm like, kind of trying to sit in
that tension, instead of trying to make a decision. And I have
shared that with him, he knows that that's like, like, that's a
stretch. But when I have been in relationships before, once I'm
to a point where like, this is my boyfriend, I'm really
attached to this person, we've been together for a while, I
have been willing to move, like, an hour away, because by that
point, I was like, I didn't picture it as me moving alone.
It's like, I'm moving with you. Yeah. So I guess I'm just asking
if you think that that's okay for me, because at this point, I
mean, I've went out with quite a few other guys, since I
connected with Nick, did speed dating, all the things. But at
this point, I'm not really interested in trying to start
over getting to know a new person, I kind of want to see
what's gonna happen.
Well, you've had several dates. So then this is where you're in
that later stage of level two. Okay, is he prompted any
conversation about exclusivity?
He has told me that he is not seeing anybody else. Okay.
Yeah, he's prompting that. I mean, guys will say that
because they're trying to feel you out. Like, I'm not dating
anybody. Yeah.
I might. I was so I was like, okay, cool. And I didn't.
Yeah. Well, and I think because he's brought that up to you now
you can go to him and be like, look, you know, I appreciate
your patience with me. As we've gotten to know each other. I you
know, you communicated to me several weeks ago, a month ago,
whatever, that you were not dating anybody. And I want you
to I felt it necessary to let you know that I'm now okay, just
dating you if you're still open to that. I think he's given you
that prompting you can do that. Because, you know, one thing
that I love, I, you know, Michelle, I'm, I'm really proud
of the work that you're doing. And, and I know, trust me, when
I say this, I know how difficult it is to hold some things that
we really felt like we were gonna keep loosely. I get it. And
so I'm, I love seeing how you are surrendering that pen and
saying, you know what, I'm coming to the reality that this
is not a deal breaker. And just because it's not a deal breaker
anymore doesn't mean that it's not going to cause some like,
angst. Yeah. I thought a deal breaker for me was not moving
out of the state of Florida. I grew up in Indiana. And then my
early 20s, I moved to Florida, I lived 15 plus years in Florida,
there was a stint that I went back up to Indiana after I lived
there for, you know, after I lived in Florida for about three
or four years after a breakup, I went back and moved back home.
And I was like, No, I'm going back to Florida. And I was like,
this is where I'm keeping roots. This is where my community's
been. I was a son, who I had built a village to help help me
support I didn't want to leave. I get and it doesn't mean like
even after I've moved and been married that there are times it
is not hard. My husband, God bless him. He gives me the
space. He understands that, you know, there was some sacrifice
there. But he appreciates me. He sees how important is to me. I
mean, he was just like, Hey, I know what I want us to do for
Valentine's Day. And I was like, What are you talking about? He's
like, I want to I want to take you back to Florida. And I was
like, Oh, sweet. I'm like, Why? Why do you say he's like, I
don't know, I just really felt like it's something that you
needed. And so I, I value that you're holding that pen and
giving it to God. Like you're not holding it anymore, you're
releasing it to him. And so I think that's really important.
And the last thing I'll even express, like just being
mindful, and you have this healthy mindset of you
understand this man is divorced. He has two kids, he's gonna he
has got a parenting plan where he's gonna have to have shared
parenting, it's going to be important. I'm not saying don't
rush into this, okay, like you guys still need to establish
exclusivity and enjoy that. But there will come a point where
you know, if this continues to keep moving forward, it is going
to be important for you to get to be in the everyday life so
that you really understand what comes with that. Because I've
never no one in my family's divorce. I think that piece of
it is also it's like I've always said, Yeah, I'm open to
that. But I think that it's, I find myself trying to
picture it, like, like, what would that look like? What
would that be? What was that?
No, it's new territory. And so, you know, be gentle with
yourself and gentle with with him with Nick and gentle with
the kids and know that it's all a process. You know, obviously
take his lead. Have you met the kids at all?
Well, he asked me, like after our second date, and I said no.
Good.
You
go to a movie, I think he wanted to see me on the weekend that he
had them. And he was like, the movie with us, and my mom and my
sister. And I was like, Oh, that's kind of a lot. You know?
Oh, but you think I should I should I say now that I would?
No, I let you guys have exclusivity for a little bit.
Okay. And if you know, pray for God's timing on that. You know,
pray for Nick to know when the right time is for his kids.
Because again, like, we don't we don't know what where the kids
are at either. We don't know what their experiences are. We
don't know what they see. And I mean, I'm sharing this from even
just my own experience with blending a family. Knowing where
my son was coming from with his dad and our situation. Also, you
know, being now I have to be sensitive and understanding to
the fact that my bonus kids, my two oldest kids are, you know,
they've experienced trauma. Now they lost their mother. But that
marriage was not a very healthy marriage. So they saw a lot of
toxicity, a lot of unhealthy relationship, while like, their
parents were together. And so and then they saw their mom
suffering, her health and being sick, and lost her at really
young ages. My daughter was seven, my son was nine, when
their mother passed. So you have to be gentle with their
hearts, too. Because it's not just our love story, our own and
our spouse, or you know, it's the kids, it's the family, it's
their love story, too. And so just, you know, continue to pray
for God to show the right time for that. And, and but you know,
just know that as you guys continue to progress, that that's
important that you, you spend more time together in real life,
because there is going to need you're going to have to move at
some point. And so you're going to want to kind of navigate that
first, see what it looks like so that because there's going to be
there's going to be growing pains. Like there just is. But
we want, as long as we're coming at it with the healed, healthy
hearts, where you'll be fine. And you've got this community,
like, even when you decide to, to shift over, we've got coaches
over there, there's all sorts of community, there's more people
over there, even. So you have a lot more support, too. Okay,
ladies, thank you for sticking around. I promise I will not let
it go this late next time. But take care, and I will see you
all next week. Okay.
Love you girls.