So, welcome to our June edition of Love Seats.
This is your very first Love Seat.
Raise your hand.
We'd love to see who is brand new, who is brand new tonight for Love Seats.
Allison's brand new.
Welcome.
Lynn is brand new.
This is our live coaching call.
Megan is brand new.
All right.
Exciting.
Okay.
So, we do have a few people that are going to jump in the Love Seats with us, and that
is going to be awesome.
So, that's what we do here, friends.
You can volunteer for the Love Seat.
You can email us in advance and say, hey, next month I'd love to be on the Love Seat
or next week, whenever it's on the calendar, you can email us.
The easiest way for you to get in the Love Seat is not to email us, though, because that
might get lost, especially if you ask too far in advance.
And so, the best way for you to get in the Love Seat is there is a post that gets put
up in your Phase 3 group, your last year single community group, ladies and gentlemen in your
men's group, and it just says, hey, Love Seats is coming up.
Do you want to jump in the Love Seat?
Would you like to volunteer as tribute to be coached by Jackie in the group?
Do you have a situation?
Do you have a question?
What is it that you want to ask?
And we will have a little lightning round here at the end where you can ask your questions,
okay?
So, for those of you that are like, I didn't sign up for the Love Seat, but I really do
want to get in it.
If we have time at the end, which I will make sure that we do have time, we will definitely
let you jump in.
Okay.
So, let's take a look at the folks that want to get in the Love Seat.
Sarah Bath.
Sarah Bath wants to get in the Love Seat.
So, we're going to go ahead and start with you, Sarah.
Go ahead and unmute yourself so that I can find you, and we're going to get going here.
Sarah.
Hello.
All right.
There she is.
Okay.
All right.
There's Sarah.
Beautiful Sarah.
Hello.
Yes.
Thank you for having me.
You're welcome.
Okay.
So, my question is relationship.
Right?
Yes.
It would be, well, it's not technically a relationship, but I'm wondering if it should
even be something that I should, you know, take, try to take any further.
So, my question is, go ahead.
I'm just going to let them know what you wrote in and said.
So, LDR, potential LDR, long distance relationship, everybody.
They haven't met in person yet.
That's still true, right?
Haven't met in person.
Still true?
Right.
Okay.
Right.
Had two video dates, though.
So, kind of in person.
They've had two video dates.
He hasn't communicated as much as in the beginning.
He said he was busy with work and travel for work.
So, he doesn't know how much communication is healthy or normal to expect.
All right.
Tell us more.
Yes.
So, it's been, at first, he's sort of come on, you know, kind of strong.
We established that he's only going to be in Arkansas for a year and is willing to and
can relocate anywhere.
And because I can't because of my kids.
And so, that was the reason why I sort of entertained it because he was willing and
able to relocate.
And so, video calls went really well.
We got along great.
We seemed to, you know, hit it off.
And then after that second call, it was like communication was dwindling, you know,
further, fewer and further between.
And there seemed to be excuses like the dog had to go to the vet, the car had to
go to the shop.
And, you know, I completely understand that things happen.
But, and, you know, he would say things like, I'm so sorry.
I've been MIA.
And I didn't put that pressure on him.
I was just, you know, letting him reach out to me.
And, you know, and I reached out to him, too.
It wasn't all one-sided or anything like that.
But, you know.
All right.
How, like, okay, so after the second video date, how close were the video dates
together?
How close were they?
Like a week apart?
Let's see.
We connected first on a Sunday.
And then I think our second one was that same Tuesday.
So within the same week, just a few days apart.
And then we had a phone call that next week.
We didn't do another video call.
But he called me and we chatted the next week.
But we've not had any other sort of, you know.
OK, and how long has it been since the phone call?
It was last, I'm trying to think, when did I get?
It was not this past Sunday, but last Sunday.
OK, and you said that your LDR, are you LDR right now?
Is he in the same state as you right now?
But he's going to be, OK, where is he at?
He's in Arkansas, and I'm in Virginia.
Virginia.
OK, is your connection slow, or is my connection slow?
Anybody?
It could be mine.
It's probably mine.
OK, just making sure, just making sure.
OK, so you guys haven't talked since last Sunday,
which it's only Tuesday, so just a couple of days ago, right?
You had a phone call?
No, a week ago.
So not this past Sunday, but last Sunday.
OK, so 10 days, eight, nine days,
how much have you heard from him since then, nine days?
Not a whole lot.
I heard from him last on Thursday evening,
and before that, it was like the previous day, like that morning.
He said, well, I would never want to disappoint you
and let you down.
I'm so sorry.
I've been busy with work and things,
and I was like, well, you know.
And he said, I will definitely call you tomorrow
and catch you up, and then I didn't hear from him
all weekend until yesterday, and he just said, I made it.
He's in Kansas City right now for work.
He's like, I made it there, and we're running and gunning,
doing all the things.
I'll call you when I can, and it's just like,
OK, is this going to, you know what I'm saying?
I definitely know.
I know enough now to give you some quality feedback.
OK, so a couple of different things are happening here.
First of all, you guys, you all know
that I say that long distance relationships are hard.
They are because you're not in proximity to the person,
and what would normally be the trajectory of growth
in a relationship doesn't happen with long distance.
It either happens way too fast, where
we feel like we're being love bombed
and someone's catching feelings for us too soon,
and they're getting emotionally attached to us,
and things are being said way above the pay
grade of the relationship because we haven't even
met in person, or we've only met once in person, or whatever.
And then also, the converse is true,
where LDRs, they look like they're
going to go at a faster trajectory at first,
but then people start to get disillusioned, or busy,
because remember, you're not around.
You don't live where they live.
They can't just come over and take you out
for a coffee, or whatever.
So what seems kind of exciting at first,
pretty quickly, in just the minutiae and busyness
of regular life, starts to be burdensome.
And that's what's happening.
The second one is happening here.
He was really excited.
Here's this pretty girl.
He's talking to her.
He's excited to talk to her.
But then reality sets in that she lives in Virginia.
I'm in Arkansas.
And I also have a job that I travel a lot for work.
And guess where I'm not going?
Virginia.
And I'm going here to Kansas City.
I'm doing this.
I'm doing that.
Yeah, she's pretty.
Yeah, it's fun.
But I'm not going to see her.
And also, you can see that he's using language like,
I don't want to disappoint you.
I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And so he also has that on him.
So if he's getting busy and he's falling off a little bit,
what's most likely to happen with this personality
is he's then going to be embarrassed.
Then he's going to think that you are mad at him.
And then he's going to avoid talking to you even more
because he's disappointing you.
He's embarrassed himself.
He told you he would call the next day.
And he didn't for whatever reason.
And so it's not that he doesn't like you.
95% chance that he likes you, thinks you're pretty,
thinks you're fun.
But he also doesn't have bandwidth
for long distance relationship.
So I think that it's OK to give him an ouch.
So this is what you do.
Next time you do hear from him, you
say you heard from him yesterday,
you need to just say, hey, long distance is really hard.
I understand that you're in a really busy season.
And while you might have bandwidth to date locally,
perhaps you don't have time or attention
to give to someone who's long distance because it takes a.
little bit more time and attention. And it's not you,
it's not me, but I'm looking for something and someone who has
the time and attention, whether they're long distance or not to
really invest in getting to know me. Right? Okay, not mad at you.
And if he pushes back and it's like, I'm gonna do better. I
mean, you could give it another chance. But he's already showing
you that he doesn't have the bandwidth to invest in a long
distance relationship. Guys, this doesn't make him an over
doesn't make him a horrible person. It doesn't. It just
means that long distance is hard. And with this guy's
schedule, and with what's going on in his life, he can't do it.
He's not doing it. It's not doing good, is he? No, he's not.
Okay, so if you do want to give him another chance, and he wants
to get more intentional, and you want to give that a chance,
cool. Once again, it doesn't need to feel ultimate ultimatum
it just needs to be like reality. If you guys have
another call, even if you do, you might not. But if you do
have another call, be like, Hey, I've enjoyed getting to know
you. It doesn't seem like you have the space in your life to
invest in long distance. You know, and then just see where it
goes from there. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you so much. How old are
you? I'm 40. Okay, Sarah's 40 y'all. She lives in Virginia.
She cannot relocate. Okay, but she is single and ready to
mingle. So if you are long distance, but you have the
bandwidth to invest and you'd like to get to know her, let us
know you can email us put Sarah in the subject line. And Sarah
from Virginia and the subject line because we have lots of
Sarah's. And then also remember that she is a single mom. So
that's going to come as a prepackaged family. And if you
are in the Virginia area or close by, and it's not that long
distance, and you'd like to get to know her or ladies, you know
a guy that you think would like to get to know her all of those
people, all of those scenarios can email us about Sarah Beth.
All right. All right. Thank you. Remove spotlight. All right.
All right, you guys. Got some more. Let's get going. We have
Laurie Jean. So everyone have two names tonight. Sarah Beth
Laurie Jean.
I just have two names because my Facebook says Laurie Jean
because I don't really care for my ex's last name.
Well, there's
these dating things. I just don't want everybody to
instantly know your name when you're on stuff, you know,
I mean, that's fair. Okay. So is it Laurie? So Cal that I'm
just from Southern California. No, I'm just trying to find you
on here. Is that what you're looking at right now? Okay.
Yeah, let's get you spotlighted. Laurie. There's Laurie. Oh,
well, okay. Laura's back. Laura's back in the love seat
again. We've talked before. Catch everyone up the last
couple of weeks.
Yeah, we've talked a lot.
We've talked before. Catch everyone up the last time that
Laurie was here. She was talking about a long distance
relationship, not as long distance as Arkansas and
Virginia, but a distance and, you know, a growing attraction,
a growing, you know, exclusive situation, but he wasn't able to
pull the trigger and really make the kind of commitment that
Laurie needed. And so she, last I heard, you know, you ended
that, which was the advice that I gave you. And then it re-upped
to re-up. Did it go come back full circle? What happened?
It kind of did because he had wanted to like, get together and
talk a little bit more before it was completely done. And so I
have we already had plans for me, we go back and forth. And
so we already have plans for me to go up there. So we went up
there and did a lot of nice fun things. And then he made
reservations for some romantic dinner. And then that morning,
we're having coffee and talking. And that's when we started
talking about it. But then all of a sudden, it got really weird
because he just was still like this, you know, and this is a
man who had been telling me he wanted to marry me since last
May. We've been together for 18 months now, 16 months, I guess.
And, and talking about where we're gonna go for our honeymoon,
where we're gonna go, you know, all that. And then my birthday
was wait, I can't my son has, you know, life threatening
illness, my father in law just died. I'm doing a funeral at my
house with all these people coming. He kind of had a lot
going on felt like he couldn't said he couldn't commit. I was
just shocked. So then I followed through with your advice and
kind of did that. And so then we got together a couple weeks
later to talk and to decide what the plan would be. So like when
he reaffirmed all that I just said, that's cool. You know, I
accept that. And you know, I want you to have the best I want
to give you that grace. I want to leave in love. And, you know,
I'm having a hip replacement in July. And so I'm going to get my
hip replacement. I have two to three months off.
for recovering, and then I'd like to get together
and maybe we can reassess and see where you're at,
or I'm going to be totally making plans for my own life
because I'm thinking about moving to South Carolina.
And he just flipped a switch and just got super upset
and like, what?
You're just going to end it?
Because he keeps saying, it's not a no.
It's a not yet.
It's not a no.
OK, so let's talk about this really quick.
And you can tell us the ending of that story,
but I want you guys, I want to show you guys something, OK?
So she already had the conversation with him
that she needs more than he's willing to give, OK?
He started out very anxiously attached, wanted to,
we call it future faking.
He wanted to talk about the future.
He wanted to plan, oh, when we go on our honeymoon,
we'll go here, and I can't wait, and all these things.
And then what he did was, he's a disorganized attacher,
so he went from anxious to an avoidant.
So now he's using it.
Guys, it doesn't matter.
Life is going to happen to you as a single
and as a married person.
If your kid's going to get sick, they're
going to get sick as a single or a married person.
You're always going to have something going on in your life.
It shouldn't stop you from making commitment to someone
that you love.
And hopefully, it's not going to stop them
from making a commitment to you, because we're
in it to win it together.
That's the way.
And you didn't get to hear Lori if you weren't here last time,
but she said, you know, originally
when his son got sick, she knows his son.
She's been spending time with his son, too.
She's like, yeah, I want to help you guys.
I want to be there for him, just like you're there for him.
Like, she was willing to partner even in circumstances
that are not ideal.
So fast forward to this second meetup
where she had already broken things off,
and he's like, well, please come.
We already have this plan.
You know, come, come, come.
Now watch.
She goes.
They have so much fun.
He, you know, winds her and dines her,
takes her out for romantic things.
And when does he say, but nothing's changed?
Right before she's about to leave, right?
He doesn't say it at the beginning.
They don't have a serious conversation
when she gets there.
They just have fun, right?
He just gets to enjoy what?
Her company, her presence, her companionship
without making a commitment.
Guys, these are what situationships are made of.
They want to be with you.
It's not like they don't like you.
They just don't want to make a commitment.
They want to enjoy your presence.
They want to enjoy, you know, your, you know,
if you have a physical relationship,
they want to enjoy that physical touch
and the romance of the thing.
And they want to feel like they have someone
in their life that really cares for them,
but they don't want to take it to the next level
for whatever reason.
It doesn't matter why it is.
They're stuck on the inside
and that makes them stuck on the outside.
But you notice he waited till the end to tell her this.
And then when she says, okay, great.
Well, I'm going to move on with my life.
He's like, no, no, no, no, no.
Because why?
She's giving him exactly what he wants,
but he's not giving her what she wants.
He would love for it to stay this way
where she comes up once a month
and they have this romantic situation and they hang out
and he gets his fill of having a woman in his life,
but she needs more than that.
Okay, so tell us what you said when he said, no.
I said, okay, I'm changing my plane ticket
because it was two days early
before I was supposed to leave.
I'm here.
And I said-
Wait, didn't you do that last time too?
No, last time he was down here.
Okay.
So you changed your plane ticket?
Yeah, and then I just,
because I kept trying to tell him,
I didn't say I'm dumping you in October.
I said, I want to talk to you and give you that space.
I have things in my own life to take care of.
Loki.
But he would never hear that.
It was like gaslighting.
All he heard was he was getting dumped
and then he just totally dumped me.
And so I just made my plan.
I called an Uber.
He said, I'll drive you.
I said, no, I don't want to ride with you.
And I went and left and got, went out to the door.
He's crying.
I gave him a hug.
We don't have-
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Let me ask you a question.
This is really important.
Okay.
Now you are setting a boundary.
Okay.
He was telling you, I'm not saying no,
but I'm not, I'm saying not yet.
Okay.
I'm not ready for anything more.
I got this other stuff going.
I want you in my life, but I don't want you in my life.
And you're saying back to him, you know,
how long have you guys been dating again?
16 months.
Year and a half.
16 months y'all.
Okay.
So she, she's saying, no, you know,
if you're not ready now,
I don't really think you're going to be ready.
And I need to move on with my life.
You know, I have all this stuff coming up,
my hip replacement, all the things, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Okay.
So here's where I want you to see something, Lori.
You were setting a boundary and that was good.
Guys, boundaries are about identity.
Lori was saying, this is not who I am.
This is not what I want.
And I'm not going to settle for it.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm not, I'm not.
and you're a bad person. I'm just saying I want something different than you.
And so I'm going to go ahead and remove myself from the situation because you
don't want the same thing that I want. But then what did she do?
Well, instead of holding the boundary,
unless something crazy happened, instead of holding the boundary,
you birthed the bridge. You like torched it.
I want to ask you a really honest question.
Did you do that to keep yourself from ever coming back here?
Because you don't feel like you can stop the back and forth with someone who's
emotionally manipulative.
That's my unhealed part of my love hard work is that my MO is
like, F you, see ya. You know what I mean? You don't want this. I loved you.
I did this, whatever. I'm not going to,
but I used to beg and cry and plead and call and text and make excuses and
nothing. And so I just said, no. And he, I reminded him,
I am a daughter of the King. And just so you know,
I'm not a long-term girlfriend. I'm a wife. And when we started dating,
we were both marriage minded and it's a year and a half and you've changed
that. And I'm that I'm not looking to be your travel companion. You know,
you have got your house with your son, your beautiful pool,
your lovely life up here, your book, couples, Bible studies. I go,
I go home and it's just me and my dog.
Cause my son and his wife have moved away from California.
Now I'm not happy here and I'm not going to live this life and I'm leaving.
But it, but also I felt like it was kind of an F you,
which probably isn't appropriate to say, but that's what I felt like saying.
Usually I would go on and do something bad, like go drink or something.
I don't do that kind of stuff anymore.
I just want to tell everybody, you know what,
you can set a boundary and you know,
leave with your head held high without burning a bridge.
Yeah. I don't know how to do that.
I know you don't, but I want to teach you how to do that. So after you guys,
it's like, you're no means no. So after you say, Hey, okay,
you have free will. You're telling me what it is that you have capacity for.
I'm telling you what it is. I have capacity for those things don't match.
And so guess what? We have to part ways now.
And I had to get out of there because I felt like I was doing a lot of crying.
So it was he, but I felt like I was going to start begging, groveling,
like whatever. And then it was so weird. Cause then he, as he goes,
but what about our romantic dinner tonight? I'm like, what romantic dinner?
There's no romance. And we aren't having sex, which I don't, especially,
I'm going to just be honest because this is a Christian thing.
I wasn't always a Christian. I don't love that.
I loved that we were doing things exactly right at first.
And I feel like I really missed that intimacy,
that closeness in our relationship. And now that's been since the last October.
And he honored me with that.
And he prays before we're like physically around each other and stuff, you know?
So it's so controlled, but like, some of it is just like,
I just want some of that back. Not the full stuff,
but of course you do. You guys, I want you,
I want you to raise your hand. If you don't,
if you've already had sex, maybe you had bad sex. So that's a bad question.
Cause some people are like, I don't miss sex cause it was bad,
but raise your hand. If you really want to have physical intimacy,
like you're looking forward to it. You really,
you either miss it because you used to have something that was pretty good.
Or I mean, so, okay. So you see all the hands, right?
So you don't need to apologize for being physically intimate because everybody
wants that. We've been hardwired for that.
And if you're not raising your hand then,
and it's because there's some kind of fear around that,
then we can work with you on that. Okay.
Well, I just feel bad because, you know, so then I came home and decided,
you know, so he's sending me these nice texts.
Let me know when you get home safely, blah, blah, blah.
I send him polite texts back and then we just stopped. And then, um,
he had his funeral and all this, my trainer is a Christian,
and he had been praying for me. And he goes, you know, I, I've been,
I feel like God's telling me to let you know that I think you should just wish
him, send him a little bouquet for the funeral weekend,
praying for you and Jake, um, wishing you well,
hope Jake is getting better, Lori. So I did.
Wait, wait, you did this after like, you didn't,
you didn't give him the finger, but you got, you, you cut it short.
You wouldn't even let him drive you to the airport,
but then you sent bouquets for a funeral. No, honey. No, no.
Okay. Okay. So I did. Can you, let me ask you a question.
Can you go no contact with this man?
Well, that's what my question is now, because then he said,
can I call you when the kids leave? Cause all of us kids are there.
So he called me and has been crying and is empty inside.
Like I've been, and we had tickets to a concert up in Napa.
And so I'm supposed to,
so he bought me a ticket to come up there this weekend to talk and finish things,
talk about it. Cause he, let me, let me tell you guys that he was really sorry.
First of all, both of y'all have disorganized attachment. Okay.
I'm sorry. I don't want to know what disorganized. It's okay. It's okay.
But listen, listen.
If you guys ever want to know what disorganized attachment looks like, it looks like this,
okay?
Looks like push and pull, and push and pull, and brrrr.
Okay, a little rollercoaster ride.
And both of them have disorganized attachment which makes it really hard.
You know, Lori probably thinks she has anxious attachment but she doesn't have anxious attachment.
She has disorganized attachment because her attachments are chaotic, okay?
And a lot of them, as she's already told us, you know, they end with her, like either saying
F off or, you know, going and drinking or this or that.
And this, she's grown so that's good because disorganized attachment comes from childhood.
All attachment styles are rooted in childhood trauma, okay?
Rooted in childhood neglect, rooted in things that we're missing and deficits that we have.
So there is no shame in our attachment styles.
All of us, okay?
I used to be a disorganized attacher as well.
But let me just tell you, this is what's really important, is that when you are a disorganized
attacher and you are also happen to be dating another disorganized attacher, it will never
be, let's talk one more time.
It won't be.
Because that will turn into some sort of romantic situation that might end with another fight
or it might be romantic and we're back on for a little while and then it'll turn into
chaos again.
And that's what's going to happen.
You guys, it's never like, well, we need closure.
Forgiveness is what closure is.
If you really want closure with someone, forgive them for what they couldn't give you and forgive
them for what they did or didn't do for you.
Let them go.
Release them.
Start doing a little bit of soul tie work because there's definitely a soul tie here,
an emotional one, maybe a physical one.
And um, and then we just got to let them go.
This is not going to get better, Lori.
It's not going to want to like ask me for forgiveness and want to get married or something.
No, no, that's not going to happen.
Okay.
What's going to happen is, is you guys are going to have another really great time, okay?
Until this gets brought up and then the same thing is going to happen again.
Well, this is it.
I know that I did bring it up, but, but I guess it's has been, um, um, maybe this is
a failure that I'm going to do this, but I wanted to get your thoughts.
So I appreciate you saying that because I really thought maybe that's what was going
to happen and that maybe he would have not seen how he overreacted.
But in the meantime, I took steps for my new life.
I'm working out with my trainer.
I got a raise at work.
Um, I'm going, uh, I went and looked at houses in South Carolina with my best friend who's
building a house there and got approved for a home.
And so I'm going to give it through this weekend and then I'm going to tell them to start building
on that week after I'm going to go, why are you giving it through this weekend?
Because this is when I'll see him.
Oh, you, you already said yes to seeing him again.
Yeah.
That's why I was nervous and I didn't know where, what to, how, what to, how to handle
this all of a sudden, listen, even if he begs you for, for forgiveness and says, you know,
Oh, I've come to my senses.
I want to marry you now.
You're going to be right back here again.
Real soon.
Okay.
This man does not have, does not have to, it has nothing to do with his son.
His son is a convenient excuse.
Unfortunately the kid is really sick, but that is not the reason.
The reason is, is that this man does not want to be married.
He doesn't want to be married.
He's not healed from whatever was the last thing that happened to him.
He likes the companionship.
He likes the romance.
He likes the fun.
Unfortunately, if you guys continue in this trajectory, you're going to end up having
sex again.
That's what's going to happen.
Okay.
It's just inevitable if you end up like this, but I'm telling you, he would be happy to
stay in this type of relationship with you for as long as you're allowing it, especially
since he's going to end up eventually getting the sexual aspect because that's going to
happen a thousand percent.
Okay.
And so you deserve better than that.
You deserve someone who's going to love you and you're like, well, I'm going to, I'm working
out my track.
First of all, I want to nip in the bud any type of lies that you believe that this is
happening because you're not enough.
This has nothing to do with you.
Not anything.
It's not because you're not younger or fitter.
It's not because you're not more submissive.
It doesn't have anything to do with you.
This man was not going to commit.
He likes to paint a fairy tale because he likes what it feels like to dream and future
fake too, but he does not have what it takes to walk it out.
He just doesn't.
He needs a lot of healing, a lot of healing.
And I don't know if you've noticed or not, I don't know if all of you have noticed in
this story, but I sense a lot of emotional manipulation coming from this dude.
So he may be nice.
He may treat you good.
He may not raise his voice that you may not be verbally violent, but he is, he is manipulative.
His crying and all that, get the hell out of here.
Okay.
So you've got to cut it off because you're addicted to this.
So even if he promises you that he's going to marry you, you're going to come right back
here.
It's pretty sick because like, I feel like nobody's ever been this nice to me.
And that's why you're addicted to it.
You're addicted to it.
And this isn't even really nice, is it?
Is that what you're saying?
What good is nice if it's, if it's not real, like not his niceness, but it's, it's not
going anywhere.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's not going anywhere.
And so, yeah, it's possible.
We want to prepare you for all possibilities.
It's possible that this man's going to be like, Oh no, I'm losing her.
So I'm going to tell her what she wants.
I'm going to tell her, I'm going to give her what she wants.
Okay.
And he may even go a little bit down that road with you again to kind of like keep you,
you know, from fully executing these other ideas that you have.
I think in my spirit that a change of scenery and a move would be really great for you.
Okay.
I do.
And if you have family and that's where your kids are, they're super excited about me moving
there.
They're not there.
They love him though.
They wanted me to see him this weekend and decide, but they they want me to go and move
and, and you know, I can't retire here in California.
It's too expensive, but I can go and retire and have a great life in Southern California.
And there's like resort style pool in this neighborhood with people.
You mean South Carolina, not Southern California.
Southern Carolina.
Yeah.
With a community around me, instead of just living in a house by myself with my doggie,
you know?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So that's what I'm excited about.
And then I couldn't believe I got approved.
So I feel God defended as I left in the Uber, I just broke down and was crying.
And the guy goes, I don't want to scare you, but can I stop for water and a Kleenex?
And I said, sure.
And he comes back with two holy bread loves that had Christian writing.
He said, I'm a Coptic Christian and we do communion on Sunday and we make special loves
to give to people.
And God just kept bringing me further and further away.
And you keep saying the same thing.
So I guess that's what it is.
Look, it's my job to help you get married.
And so if I'm telling you to run, then you need to listen to me because I am, I'd be
the first one.
Okay, well let's give it a chance.
Let's see.
That's what I thought you were going to say.
No, honey.
No, this man, this man is, you know, at best, at best he's just manipulative and doesn't
understand how I'm healthy about what is.
And at worst, you know, he is, you know, a serial manipulator.
So he is being manipulative, whether he recognizes it or realizes it or not, but he doesn't have
to give you what it is that you're looking for.
And honestly, I think that that's God's divine protection on you because if he was willing
to go all the way through with this, I don't think that you would be happy because that
this man has a lot of work to do.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you.
Kim's like, please listen to Jackie.
Kim knows because Kim didn't listen to Jackie.
I love you, Kim.
But you did eventually, you did eventually.
And it's good.
She said, I sure did.
Okay.
Um, listen, we want you to be happy.
And you know, if you want to go have a last hurrah with him, just be prepared for the
idea that, you know, you're going to fall victim to all the things that you really love
about this.
And it's just still gonna, you know, waste more of your time.
You're going to end up back here.
Okay.
So back, back here with, Oh, okay.
All right.
And let's, you guys, honestly, in your discerner, this part of her God defense system is this
community.
Raise your hand.
If you think she should move on.
Don't just because you want to agree with me, raise your hand.
If you think that she should move on.
If you don't think it really, I think that it's, I think it's about to be unanimous.
People are still putting their hands up for 77 people so far out of 109, 78, 81, 82, 82
people out of 109.
So that is definitely the majority, right?
Someone's dog is barking.
Okay.
Is that your dog?
Yeah.
That's my baby.
He cries with me next to a meeting like when I'm crying, you have a lot of love to give
and God wants you to be able to give it to someone.
So once again, what I was saying is that, you know, doing all this stuff for yourself,
that's great.
Getting your hip replaced.
If you need that, all those things, that's wonderful.
It's time for you to really love you.
Okay.
Because God is going to give you someone who loves you as well.
And this is not happening because you're not enough.
That's not why this is happening at all.
Well, thank you so much.
I appreciate your honesty and everybody in here.
I feel like this, I feel like this man, I feel like this, this relationship with this
man is going to break you out of the pattern.
I feel like you have, I feel like this is not.
as toxic as your normal patterns.
I feel like the other is up showing their ugliness as well.
I feel like they start out sweet, but then they show their true colors.
And that's what's throwing you off because he's not cussing you out.
He's not acting crazy.
That's what's throwing you off.
But you guys, I want you to know that passiveness can be just as
toxic as aggressiveness.
This man is toxically passive.
He is not going to, he doesn't want anything better for his life.
He's not going to pull the lever.
He's not going to do that stuff.
And so there's, you know, there's manipulation.
And that toxic passivity is just as much in toxic aggression.
Okay.
All right.
We're rooting for you, Lori.
Lori, please keep us posted and be praying for you as you do whatever
it is that you need to do to make peace and thought that father, we
just pray that Lori sees exactly what she needs to see, that she's not
looking through the lens of anxiety or anxious attachment anymore, that
she's not just thinking if she does things differently, or if she could
be enough, or if she could be this, then someone would show up and really
love her, but she sees through the lens of what is real and what is true.
Lord, let her see that in Jesus name.
Amen.
Thank you.
All right, Lori, we're here for you.
We believe in you.
Lori's gorgeous.
She's your, she's your, um, uh, California, California girl.
I mean, just stereotypically blonde and tan and, you know, you just, you've
got some wounds from childhood, Lori.
Maybe daddy wounds, maybe mommy wounds, but they keep playing out with these
men and we got to stop and it's done.
Okay.
You are worthy of love.
Thank you.
You're worthy of love.
Okay.
So, um, Lori is in this new loveseat with us and we,
I hate it when my thing breaks, it's broken again.
Okay guys, hold on one second.
Um,
all right.
Next up is Eunice.
Where are you at?
I found you.
Hello.
Hi Eunice.
Um, I, I'm Eunice.
Are you scared?
You're like, I don't know.
I don't want to go now.
I was, I was just like, I'm scared.
You forgot about me.
Let's just be honest.
Perfect.
Okay.
Um, on Facebook, I put on, on there, um, that I want, I was thinking about
breaking up with my boyfriend.
Um, you've been dating for seven months.
I was on the last one.
I was asking about like premarital counseling.
Um, and it's because like, I was concerned about like, um, he wasn't sure about
what, what he's called to do and stuff like that.
And then, um, and then I was just thinking about like one day we were
sitting and we were talking and he was like, I was like, what do you see
ourselves in the future?
And he was like, like this sitting on the couch.
And I'm like, I don't want to sit on the couch for the rest of my life.
And so that concerned me.
Cause I was like, I thought I asked the right questions and all the questions.
And I was like, I don't remember hearing that.
So, um, for me, I didn't, I didn't see my life like that.
I want to travel when I do things, um, and everything.
Let me ask you a question.
Did he say that he doesn't want to travel?
No, before he was like, yeah, he wants to travel and everything like that.
Um, but yeah.
How is this your first ever relationship?
Right.
Okay.
It's been going on for seven months.
Yes.
And how old are you?
46, 46.
Okay.
First ever relationship.
Okay.
And how old is he?
46.
Okay.
Both of you are 46.
Has he been married before?
Has he been in a relationship?
He has been multiple, um, serious relationships before me.
Okay.
Serious.
And why did they end?
Um, both of them, he told me basically they weren't like on the same page.
Um, he's more conservative and they're, they were more liberal in thinking.
Um, and, and he serves at his church and they weren't
willing to like be at a church.
Oh, do you like his church?
Not really.
Okay.
But he is someone who doesn't like change.
Probably.
I mean, that's what we're saying here.
You know, he's at a church.
He serves there.
He's probably been there for a long time.
Maybe even grew up there, whatever.
But the bottom line is, is that.
He ended a relationship that was serious because they didn't
want to go to his church.
So instead of finding a church, they both like, you know, he,
and you know, and where do you see, where do you see us in the
future right here doing the same thing?
Cause you know, change.
Okay.
Now this doesn't have to be a deal breaker.
It doesn't, but you guys actually would be a really, really good.
Um, this, you'd be a really good couple to go through Simbas.
So you obviously really liked this guy.
You've been with him for seven months.
Simbas digs into these differences and, you know, reacting to change
and influencing each other and what you want in the future as 11 dynamics
that it goes through that really force you because part of the homework
to have these deeper conversations and really get answers.
And so a lot of times people just really don't know what it is that
they want to do in the future.
Um, they've never seen anyone in their family do anything different.
And it's not that they don't have the capacity or potential for it.
It's just, you know, maybe they're not a dreamer the way that you are.
Okay.
We can still be complimentary opposites.
Right.
Uh, and so I think that before you end something, if, well, well,
first, let me ask you this, what you're telling me the things that cause you
pause, what do you like about him?
Um, that he's kind and he loves God.
Um, he, like, he kind of shows me like, like he hears from the Holy
spirit and stuff like that, which is, um, important to me.
Cause I, um, operate in that a lot.
Um, and he treats me.
Well, it's all good stuff.
Like when you attracted to him?
Yes.
Okay, girl.
That's a lot of stuff.
So let's just not throw it out because you just happen to say,
where do you see us in five years?
And he said on the couch.
Okay.
He, he, he may not have known that this was a make it or break it question.
Poor guy.
Can I call a friend?
I don't know.
What's the answer.
Can you give 50 50 of what the right answer is?
Okay.
So, um, it's not win, lose or draw.
So it's important for you to dig a little bit deeper.
I really suggested the very least that you guys take the SIMBAs assessment.
If you guys want to take SIMBAs, I think that would be a, this would be a
really good time in your relationship.
To see if you're compatible long-term and that's going to help you the most.
We're planning on doing that, but he wants to do premarital
counseling with his pastor first.
Um, why even do that if you're not getting married?
Well, he that's that is direction.
He he's wants to go in.
Well, I mean, you can want all you want to, but the bottom line is, is
that you need to see if you're compatible before you do premarital
counseling, because especially with his pastor and you don't even like his church.
Yeah.
I asked him like, what happens if that doesn't change?
And he was like, I don't know.
I never thought about it.
Okay.
Well, how long does he want a premarital counsel for a session, three sessions?
He has his, when I talked to the other people, I think it's like,
he said he created his own.
I don't know what that looks like, but it's like, uh, it's like a four month process.
Oh, that's a long time.
Yeah.
Especially if at the end, you're like, this is a six week process.
So, um, and you know, you can tell him it's not premarital counseling.
It's like, you know, it's like relationship deepening.
So, cause that's really what it is.
Uh, but I really suggest that you do something like this before you get
into a situation that I'm not saying it's manipulative, but it's his pastor.
Did he grow up with that church?
Yeah.
So that's why recommending another couple do it.
So that's why I'm like putting on pause.
Cause I didn't want, cause it's like, he's, he's like a father figure to him.
Yeah.
And because of that, he's never going to, he's going to have a filter on when it
comes to this guy and he's not going to ever call him up.
Yeah.
So he isn't cause you guys, I hate to break this to you.
And I'm not down in this dude's church, but most churches are like us, us for no
more.
Okay.
They're just, they're just going through the motions.
You're doing the same old thing that they've been doing forever.
And as long as everyone that was born into that church stays there and they raise
their kids there and their kids stay there, then they'll have a church.
Right.
And I'm just, sorry, we're not doing that anymore.
Y'all we're not doing that anymore.
The kingdom is here.
Okay.
And so we gotta be moving forward.
And that's part of the reason why this guy doesn't know how to dream or tell you
what he wants to be in five years, because he's in dead religion.
I can just go ahead and call that out.
Cause I know that it's true.
All right.
So, um, don't get stuck in dead religion, honey.
Do the Simbas or do something similar to that, to see if this guy has potential to
break free from status quo.
Cause I can tell that you're a dreamer and you're not going to be happy in status
quo.
Okay.
All right, so let's see. Let's see what happens, right, Eunice.
I'm glad that I didn't forget about you because you needed to hear that.
All right, Eunice is like, she don't tell me to break up with him.
No, but I'm going to tell you to break free with him.
You guys either have to break free from all this religiosity or no, not good.
All right, looking for Eunice. Where is she?
I'm going to take the spotlight off.
Guys, my – oh, there it goes.
I was going to say my thing doesn't work, but it does.
All right, Eunice.
Okay, all right, that's all the people that wanted to be in the love seat.
I saw someone, Gabriella, I think.
Did you say that you wanted to be in the love seat?
Yes.
Are you talking to my former private client still?
Yeah.
Okay, let's get you then.
I want the tea on this. I need the tea on this anyway.
Okay, hold on one second.
Give me all the tea.
Okay, so we've been talking. Things have been going well.
We're on the same page spiritually from what I can tell.
Have you met in person?
Yes.
Okay, and how'd that go?
It went pretty well.
Did you have sex?
No, nothing like that.
Okay, well, I mean, these are some things that I've helped these people break free from,
so that's why I'm happy that the patterns have ceased to exist.
Okay, keep going.
I'm definitely firm on that boundary, but he came to visit with his son.
Okay.
Yeah, his son's close in age to my son's, so we thought it'd be a good experience just to meet his friends.
I have a relocation trial in August, so I won't know if I can relocate until after that.
And what's the percentage of possibility that you can?
It's pretty high.
I've gone through a whole custody evaluation, and the recommendation is in my favor to relocate.
I already have full custody.
Does your son see his dad at all?
Currently, they're on supervised visits only.
Okay, and how often does that happen, and what does your son think about it?
It's weekly.
My son is okay with he's open to relocating.
We've talked about it.
And what does dad think about relocating?
Is he completely against it?
He is against it, but it's a situation where I have full custody,
and the kids and I both have a permanent restraining order against him,
so it's not a safe situation for me to have kind of unsupervised custody.
So I'm hoping it's that way.
Forever?
Yeah, the restraining order never expires.
Okay.
All right, so interesting.
All right, so what's your question?
So he came to visit, and things went really well.
He was a gentleman and took the lead, and it was a very low key, low stakes,
just getting to know each other.
Just a few things have come up since when he came that I don't know if
they're incompatibilities or deal breakers or if it's something we can
work through.
Like, politically, he is very conservative, and I'm highly conservative,
but I'm more moderate, and I don't like to get – I don't like to really
talk about politics, but he started talking about things,
and I'm not going to just not say my opinion.
So we kind of disagreed, not in a – it wasn't a disrespectful way,
but it just makes me – like, because of my circumstances,
I feel like God's calling me to be like an advocate,
and I have a lot of compassion for people that are going through hard times,
and I really want my spirit mate to be someone that has a lot of compassion
and not just like this hard line, again, like one side.
Let me tell you something about men, okay, for the most part,
and my husband is very conservative as well, and I'm definitely more moderate
because I used to be a social worker, right?
And like you, I also feel called to advocate for people,
and I realize that there is a why behind the what, right?
We can't always judge people on their what.
We're not supposed to judge books by their covers, but we do it all the time
because there's a why behind the what.
And so I hear what you're saying and what I know about men,
I happen to really know the guy she's talking about really well.
He's been on and off a private client of mine for a year since 2020.
So I've gotten to know him really, really, really well over the years.
And so he's a good guy and he's got a good heart.
And so what I'll say about this is that it is women, the feminine that caused men to
be more empathic and more empathetic.
Okay.
We bring that to the table.
And when a man loves a woman, you know, she can really influence him with her compassion
and with her empathy.
My husband didn't used to stop for homeless people the way that I did, but he does now.
He doesn't even when I'm not with him, he does it.
So and not all homeless people, but you know, when God's leading to do something, he definitely
notices things.
He prays for people in different ways that he didn't used to do.
And so long story short, we are the mirror that helps them to emote, right?
More and more and more.
We're the, we bring that to the table.
We soften their hearts.
And so that's what happens.
All right.
What else?
I'm hoping I'm trying to be, I'm trying not to get too upset when I'm sharing my views
because it feels really personal and, um, yeah, in relationships, you guys, you can't
take politics and make them personal.
Okay.
First of all, none of us are running for office unless you are.
And so we're not going to take our politics and make them personal, but it's worth a conversation
and just saying to him, Hey, you know, I feel called to be an advocate and I need to
know that, you know, you're going to not be critical and judgmental of people that you
don't know or be prejudiced or racist or sexist or nationalist and lump all the people in
one category, because that doesn't really vibe with what I feel called to do with my
life.
Yeah, I mean, I've tried to explain my view of things and I don't think he's, he says
he understands my position, but then he kind of will send me something to refute it.
And it's making me feel like it's not, there's a big age difference.
How old is he?
How old, what's the age difference between the two of you?
He is 16 years older than me.
Well, there's your problem.
And it doesn't have to always be a problem, but you know, if he wants to act like your
daddy, then we're going to have to pass.
Okay.
You're a grown woman and you're allowed to have your own thoughts and mind without someone
trying to prove you wrong.
Okay.
That's something that a legalistic parents or authoritative parent would do.
Authoritarian parent would do.
And I will tell you, this guy actually, that's, that's a, that's a weakness of his, of actually,
you know, just being a little rigid in his belief systems.
And so it doesn't have to be a deal breaker.
And if there's enough positive stuff for you guys to, to build on, and he's willing
to work on this and not try to make you his daughter that does what he says and thinks
the way he thinks, then we might have something to do.
For those of you that are into the May, December romances, this is one of the main problems
with May, December romances.
That's anything over a 10 year age difference is that a lot of times one person will take
on a parental role.
Okay.
And we don't need parents as our spouses.
That's, that's gross.
We don't want that.
Okay.
We want to be equals.
Even if there's an age difference we want, yes, there's going to be a lot of things that
we don't believe in common because we've been raised in different generations, but we have
to find a level ground together.
Otherwise we can't partner.
It won't be a partnership.
Do you see what I'm saying?
It won't be a partnership.
You have to have a level ground to partner.
Otherwise it's going to be more of a, you know, an overseership now.
We don't want that.
Okay.
What else you got besides the politics?
And besides that, trying to make you think the way he does.
Um, he, I wouldn't say he's trying to make me think the way he does, but he's not budging,
which is, um, I don't feel like I'm influencing him to at this point, but it could change,
I guess.
Um, and it's not stopping him from talking to me or being interested, um, how many times
have you seen each other in person?
Well, he booked tickets for me and my kids to go visit and we're supposed to leave next
week.
So, okay.
Um, all right.
Well, since you've only seen each other once, I'd say, you know, continue it's a yes until
it's a no.
Like I said, I know this guy's got a lot of really great qualities.
This is just one of the qualities that are not great.
Yeah.
Um, uh, I guess my other question is he was the one that set the boundaries, which I appreciated.
Like he said that he's not sure what the right way to go about it is, since we don't know
if it's a possibility that I can relocate.
So he thinks.
We should stay friends until we know for sure.
So he was really good about maintaining boundaries and not doing anything physical.
I mean, he can relocate.
He's just not willing to, so, I mean, he can a hundred percent relocate, but I
don't disagree with that because I know him and I know that he's really dug his
heels in about being there and, you know, which I think that I'm the person that
actually suggested that you guys meet or like, you know, connect.
No, I told him about you a long time ago.
So I'm also relocating.
I want to relocate.
Like, no, I don't think it's unwise for you to wait until you know, whether you
can or not.
I mean, August is right around the corner.
Are you going to go for sure after this?
Hopefully it's been continued several times in the past and it could be
continued at the last minute, which will really be hard.
Um, just random reasons.
Like last time, one of the expert witnesses got diagnosed with cancer
shortly before the trial.
So it got continued another eight months and every time it gets continued, it's
another eight months down the road, but I'm hoping that it goes through this
time one way or the other.
Um, yeah, you know, he, he's definitely had, um, a lot of, you know, a lot of,
um, disappointment with long distance, uh, because of the relocation factor.
So it actually is probably wise for him to not put too many eggs in this
basket until he knows for sure.
So I don't see any lag with that.
If you're talking to me about a stranger, but I just happen to know this person
and I don't, I think that's actually wise at this point.
I agree that it's probably wise.
It's really hard to not get emotionally invested even.
I mean, I know the reasons and I, it's just hard.
I don't know how to navigate this whole situation.
So I don't know, like if I do, if I am able to relocate, what then do I just
move over there so we can get to know each other in person or do we, I mean,
yeah, when someone, when someone is once, I mean, no, not right away, but when
someone is going to do long distance, seriously, someone has to relocate.
And, you know, because you're the person who has agreed to do that, if you're
allowed to, if you can, if you have permission from the courts and you have
kids, it's, it's a lot bigger.
It's a lot bigger of a situation for you.
Cause you don't just have one kid.
You have how many kids?
Two.
Okay.
And how old are they?
My son's 14 and my daughter is seven.
I homeschool my daughter, but my son is in high school.
So yeah.
Okay.
And the 14 year old is okay.
Even though he's going into high school or in high school to move.
He's open to it.
He's like excited about the farm life.
He's not sure.
He's kind of intrigued.
And I think it'll be fun for him.
It'll be a good experience to ride a tractor.
And what I do know about one thing I do know about this gentleman, this
bachelor is that he is a very kind and nurturing father.
So for those of you that, you know, don't aren't up on this, this,
uh, the background here, you know, he is a widow or his wife passed away.
Um, he has an adult daughter and a son.
I think that's what, 11, 12, 13.
And so, um, but he is a very sweet father, you know, what I've seen from him just.
So I don't have any reason to believe that he wouldn't be like
that to your children as well.
And so, um, because that's how he is just really cares about his children
and how they feel and, you know, very emotionally available to them.
So there's, there's a lot of positives here, so we can't, we can't guess anymore.
All right.
So you, you've only, you've only seen this guy one time in person.
So don't put your anxious attachment away.
You have no idea of whether or not you would even really enjoy, uh, him as a
love, uh, you know, a love person, uh, right now just enjoy continuing
the building, the friendship.
Friendship is a great platform, a great foundation to build relationship off of.
When you know that you can, you know, um, actually entertain the
idea of moving and relocating.
Then my advice to you would be to, um, well, I mean, school's going to be
starting right when that's happening.
You're going to have school starting and you don't homeschool, right?
I homeschool my daughter, but not my son.
Okay.
So, um, yeah, when you guys go out there, this, this time to visit, uh, you know,
and see what life is going to be like out there, then we can, we can have another
discussion.
after August about what needs to be next steps?
Okay, and I just have one more quick question.
Since I have significant trauma in my past
and I've gone through a lot to keep my kids and I safe.
And so I did tell him in a nutshell my situation
and he told me kind of a nutshell about his past.
And I'm not sure if that was wise at this point,
but it happened and we moved forward with it.
But I don't know when is appropriate
to talk about that stuff in more detail.
Not now, I wouldn't talk about anything
except once again, building that foundation of friendship.
I think that's wise.
I think that's something wise that he said.
And you need to be able to be led at a certain level.
And so God's giving him wisdom at this point
for how this relationship should progress.
And I would go ahead and stick with that.
Okay, because that's what actually creates
emotional vulnerability and emotional soul ties
and all the things is just really digging into trauma
and talking to each other about all the bad things
that have happened and specifically in this area
because it includes sexuality.
I just don't think it's a good idea.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you.
All right.
This is really, this is gonna stretch you.
It's gonna stretch you in that anxious attachment
that you've been in.
It's okay, you don't need certainty right now.
All you need to do is just enjoy getting to know this person
and seeing what kind of doors God opens
and what's gonna happen next, okay?
I felt like I should, since he's investing so much in this,
I saw it as like a big investment.
So I just stopped talking to anybody else
and I'm only focusing on him.
I'm not sure if that's,
plus I don't know what's gonna happen in August.
So I feel like there's no point in talking to anybody else.
I mean, as long as you can stay out of,
trying to be in love and in trying to make this
into more than it is, personally knowing him
and he's pretty old fashioned, he's a lot older than you.
I think that he probably wouldn't like it
if you were talking to anyone else
with all the investments.
So it's probably, that's probably the right answer.
All right, but once again,
if you feel yourself getting in too deep
when you don't even know what's gonna happen here,
then you need to pull yourself back, okay?
Okay.
All right, thanks for getting in, Gabriella.
It's good to see you and excited for you
and cautiously optimistic, cautiously optimistic.
Okay, you guys.
All right, we're gonna go ahead and wrap her up.
We have like two minutes.
Oh, Christine was the other person.
So Christine, okay.
I'll try to do a little popcorn round here, okay?
So I see Lydia and Christine and Maureen
possibly has her hand up for this purpose.
But I did, I do remember Christine
being asked to come to the love seat.
I was.
Hi.
Okay, give us the background.
His name is Sam.
We met in February online.
Met in person in March.
I was gone for a month overseas
and he was chatting with me while I was gone.
We've dated in person for the last two months.
Things I like about him is he loves the Lord.
He knows the word of God.
He's not afraid to take initiative and pray with me.
We read scripture together sometime and talk about it
and it comes very naturally to him.
And I really enjoy that.
He's done a great job with physical boundaries,
like setting them and keeping them.
And it felt very rare, like out the gate,
he was like no sex before marriage.
He's been married once before.
He's a 16 year old son.
He's from Nicaragua originally, grew up in Miami.
His dad just moved back in with him.
So my question is mostly related to
lack of initiative and like planning dates.
And his house is a train wreck.
And so we've been talking for the last three months now.
I'm not seeing anybody else.
He is a lot shorter than me
and I'm kind of proud of myself because I'm 5'10
and I haven't actually been in a relationship
with someone who's that much shorter than me.
We get along super well.
He makes me laugh.
He's really good for my personality.
How much shorter?
Four inches.
I'm 5'10, he's 5'6.
For tall girls, we know.
But I really-
Is he skinny?
He's fit.
it's like he's, he's built. Okay, so he feels he feels
masculine. He does feel masculine. Okay, keep going. Um,
yeah, I don't know. There's like, it's not butterflies that
I'm looking for. There's something that's not totally
clicking with me. And he's fallen for me quit pretty
quickly. Um, he's like, I think I see a future with you. Someday
I'm gonna tell you that I love you. Um, what else did he say?
Yeah, he's just fallen for me. I think the relationships he's
been in in the past were, I don't think a woman's really
ever been kind to him. And I feel like I've just been kind.
And he's like, I can't believe you care about me. I can't
believe it's okay for me to show my feelings. Um, no one's ever
cooked for me. And so maybe that's part of why he's it's
his, his, it's gotten very quickly for him. So there's a
little piece of me that's like, Oh, I feel bad. Like, I like
him. I enjoy him. I don't feel I don't know. If I'm like, super
excited about him. And maybe I'm a little bit ashamed that I'm
dating someone shorter than me because I'm a tall girl. Like
I'm okay with it. But then maybe I'm actually not. That's not
what all this is about. But um, yeah, I feel as of right now,
like him planning a date has it's like he said, Oh, I didn't
grow up doing that.
I was gonna say, I was gonna say a lot of the things that you
said early on just now seem very cultural to me. So, um, you
know, possibly, you know, just, you know, how he was raised
cultural or cultural, you know, Nicaragua. So I will tell you
that my husband doesn't plan dates. He does not plan dates.
Well, he is not good at that. He never has been. He's not
actually a very romantic person at all. And so if I had been
looking for that and needing that, then I don't think that I
would have married my husband. So I'm kind of the wrong person
to ask about that. Because I think that, you know, I think
what's probably happening here more is your how old are you?
38. He's 43.
By the way, that's young 38. But you're 38 and never married,
right? Right. And, you know, and not the typical single, you're
someone who has, you know, thrived in single season has
done a lot of work has like, you know, optimize single season
also has helped other people optimize single season. You
know, you're one of our single city moderators. But beyond
that, you really care about other people meeting and finding
love. And I think this is just not the thing that you dreamed
for yourself. Because that's, that's, that's basically the
bottom line of what's happening here. So this is not the thing
you've dreamed for yourself, because you've been thinking
about this for a long time, not just for you, but for other
people. And so, um, yeah, so that's really what's happening
here. You know, you didn't you didn't feel like and it's so
funny. It's like, is he warning you? Or is he promising you
he's gonna tell you he loves you some days that warning? Is that
a threat? Or am I?
No, yeah, I think he wants I think he thinks that he does in
my mind. I'm like, that's fine if you think that but I'm like,
you know, it's three months. It's three months and four
months. March, April, May and now we're in June. So like, you
feel like do you feel like that's coming from anxious or
secure attachment though? Because secure people know
pretty quick to
I don't know. Is he? Is he love bombing you? Is he? Is he like
constantly acting like, like, you know, like needy or clingy
or trying to feels like you're pulling away and trying to like
win you over? Like, that's what kind of that's what anxious
attachment looks like in men. I mean, the fact that he's not
planning dates tells me he's probably not anxiously attached.
So
he seems pretty comfortable just being himself with his
trainwreck house.
Okay, he he cleaned for days for me to come over and I got to
his house. It was so bad. It was so bad. And I wonder what it
looked like before. Did you see my post about the worms? No.
There were more. This is so bad and bless him.
There were there there pantry moths and his kitchen. They're
like little tiny moths on the wall. But then I'm like looking
at the island and there was like a little worm and I was like,
Oh my gosh, that's so gross. And then somehow like I saw on the
ceiling, there was a little worm. And then I looked on some
spices and there were little worms and I was like, Sam,
worms. He's like, I know it's so gross. I don't know where
they're coming from. So of course, I start googling it. And
I'm like, Oh, my gosh, that's so gross. And I'm like, Oh, my
gosh, that's so gross. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, that's so
gross. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, that's so gross. And I
They're the worms of the moss that are on the wall.
start googling it. And they're the
And I'm like, no, we're in the kitchen.
And here's you guys,
and I know everyone's getting the ick right now
and they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
They're like, forget him, done.
But my son, who is almost 30 years old,
his current girlfriend
and the first girlfriend he's ever had,
she came over and she reorganized his apartment
and cleaned it because it was super bachelor pad
and it was super nasty.
And I raised, I didn't raise him that way, okay?
So the bottom line is,
is that I think a lot of men left to their own devices.
They're just, I mean,
there's all different personality types
and ADHD personality types
are not really that good at cleaning and they don't clean.
And so, yeah, I mean, yeah.
His mom passed away in November.
And so my response to his house was like,
hey, I'm really concerned about your mental health here.
And he said, what do you mean?
And I said, well, it's kind of hard to move around
in some of these rooms.
I said, if we got married and I moved in here,
there's not room for any of my stuff.
And he was like-
Like you literally said, if we got married,
what did he say next?
Well, that, I mean, yeah,
that wasn't the first time it had been on
like a topic of discussion.
So yeah, he was like, oh, you know,
I'll clean out everything and make room for you.
And I'm like-
Do you have a house?
No, I live in an apartment.
Okay.
And what about dad?
Did we inherit him now?
Mom's passed.
Does he have to take care of dad?
Yes, which is also cultural.
Like, you know, and then he said,
oh, my son's probably not gonna go away to college.
He'll live here.
And in my head, I'm like-
Yeah, because what we're basically saying
is that you're gonna live like Snow White
in a house with a bunch of men who don't clean
and don't take care of themselves.
Have you seen that scene in Snow White
where she comes in and she hoses everyone down?
No, we don't want that.
So basically you'd be taking care of three men
and you'd be doing all of the cleaning and cooking,
it sounds like,
since he's never had anyone cook for him before.
His mom never cooked for him?
No one ever cooked?
No, she did.
No, I don't think his wife did.
But yeah, I don't want to be Snow White.
And it's not-
I know you don't want to be Snow White.
Okay, so my question,
my post was like, do I stay or do I go?
Because there's great things here.
Yes, the worms are nasty.
I think it's, you know,
I don't think I'm in denial.
I think I'm looking at everything.
Okay, but wait a second.
I wrote down, I keep notes when people are talking.
You read scriptures and he's not trying to get you in bed.
What are the other good things?
Because I don't have anything else.
Oh, our personalities, we get along really well.
Okay, have fun.
Yes, we have fun.
I think he's good.
You can be yourself?
I can be myself.
He kind of helps me.
Like, you know, I have a very strong personality.
He like kind of brings me down a little, like helps me.
Is he willing to change?
Yes, when I talked to him, oh, I brought up,
so he's from Miami.
He's kind of got this slang thing going on
and I'm not a grammar snob, but sometimes I'm like,
hey, I said one time I was like,
hey, I'm not your bro.
Like, please don't talk to me like I'm your bro.
I was like, I'm your girl.
Please don't talk to me like I'm your bro.
And so we talked about that a little bit
and he like got this like English app
where he like practices his English on this little app.
And I just thought that was really sweet.
He's making efforts in that.
What's he do for a living?
He's a teacher and he works with junior high kids,
which is also complicated because they speak in slang.
And he has this 16 year old son.
Oh, that's why he's calling people bro,
because-
But like, I'm like-
No, listen, I think it's great.
You're calling him out and calling him up
and he is not pushing back
or acting like you're a terrible shrew.
So that's actually good.
That's a green flag.
Teachable-
No, he's super kind, super kind, super humble.
Yes, okay, so that's good.
Well, he's got enough good qualities for you to go forward.
I mean, like the, does he have bad hygiene?
His house has bad hygiene.
You know, maybe a tiny bit.
He needs a little, like a little beard upgrade.
And I like bought him some little beard goodies.
And I was like, we should do like a beard spa day.
And we can like, he just needs a little help
with like the beard situation.
But no, he dresses decently.
He wears cologne.
I wouldn't give him a 10 out of 10.
I would give him a seven.
Do you ever feel like you're kind of momming him?
Yes, and I don't want to.
I don't want to-
It would be mom energy right now, so.
Jackie, genuinely, I noticed that this week.
Cause I was like-
Like, so how I genuinely recognize that in myself. And I
was like, I never want to be a man's mother. I want to give
wife energy. I don't know the difference between giving not
you know what I mean by energy. Like I don't what how do you
it's okay, guys, wife energy if it's healthy, okay, it's
partnership, right? What she's doing is is she's like, you
know, she's, she's mommy. He doesn't he don't he doesn't have
the things that he needs. And so she's, you know, in some ways
fixing him. So she's doing what what mothers what parents should
do when kids are growing up. She's correcting his behavior.
She's correcting the way he's speaking to her. She's, and the
thing is, it's not but here's what I want you to know, when
I'm asking you, do you feel like you're momming him? I'm not. I'm
not saying that against you. He actually needs a mom. And so
like, he's he actually has some deficits. Okay, because he's a
grown man that doesn't know that this stuff is not all
right. Those worms were going to take over the house had you not
popped in and been like, Hey, you got worms. Okay. And so that
you know, he there's no excuse for not knowing this stuff, and
not taking care of it. There isn't. Okay. It's not like he
had a woman taking care of his house two weeks ago, and she
just moved out. He's been single for how long?
A year and a half. Okay, a year and a half. That's not long. But
he already said his wife was not a homemaker. She didn't cook.
She obviously didn't clean. And so so yeah, we're in a situation
where you need to have a grown up conversation with him about
his level of self care, which extends to his environment, not
just his body. And you know, what what does he bring in the
And, you know, what, what does he bring in the tape to the
table, besides the fact that he's willing to wait till
marriage, you enjoy and have fun with him. I have fun with a lot
of people that I don't want to marry. Okay. And that he reads
scripture that he loves God, you know, I mean, some of these
things, no offense or bare minimum, he's giving bare
minimum.
Guys, Jackie Dorman, y'all. Somebody. Okay, I love you. I'm
not mad. I think he has tons of potential, but it's not your job
to bring that potential out in him.
My palms are sweating. I feel like I'm on reality TV. So what
do I do? No, I'm serious. The whole night I've been like, I
feel like you have to have a grown up conversation with him
about the things that you really appreciate about him. But the
things that I get are giving you major pause. And we need to see
his reaction to that. Because you know, a lot of people just
have never been called up and called out, called out and
called up a lot of people just haven't been around people that
want more out of life. And you're definitely out. I want
more out of life kind of girl. And so, you know, he's either
going to have a huge growth spurt, or you're going to have
to say goodbye. But the growth spurt can't be because you're
leading him.
I don't want to
like a mom. No, I don't want to be a mom.
It could happen as a result of a conversation that maybe no one
has ever had with him. Because like you said, Stop calling me
bro. You didn't tell him to go get a grammar app. He did that
on his own. So that's a green flag for me. You told him
there's a better way. And he said, Oh, let me find it. And he
went and found it on his own. That's a green flag for me. This
guy could actually have a lot of potential to have growth spurts
as a result of you know, just a kind kingdom conversation by
someone he admires and respects, which is you. Okay, and so it's
a win win for him because either you're going to turn his sails
to the wind, and you're going to say this is not my boat,
though. Or you're going to turn the sails to the wind, and he's
going to show up with a yacht. One or two of those things are
going to happen. Because some people need, you know, a
catalyst to have that BAM kind of transformational moment.
Right? So, um, yeah, everyone's like, it's the most for me. Okay.
So, um, but once again, you don't want to get into a
situation where you're being a mother, but you can show up as a
friend, and say, Hey, these are the things that are giving me
pause, I'm just going to be honest, these are the things
that are keeping me from being able to have peace about going
forward. Or, you know, it's it's not an ultimatum, but it is, it
is a grown up conversation. And see how he reacts to it, because
defensive if he doesn't want to change, which doesn't sound like
he's like that. But if he's like, okay, tell me, like, tell
me, like, you know, what, what would you need to see from me?
And then he just goes and does it on his own. It's not you
doing it. And I would definitely bring up the fact that, you
know, he's not, he's not intentionally, um, you know,
he's not putting his best foot forward. I know that it's
probably cultural, but he needs, he needs to put more effort into
the relationship.
himself into his space, into wooing you, winning your heart over. You deserve to be wooed.
Now, I know that you had the dream and this doesn't look like the dream, but the part of
the dream that definitely you get to keep, it's a non-negotiable from heaven, all of you ladies,
is that at the very early stages of courtship, a man should be winning your heart. He definitely
should be winning your heart. Now you shouldn't be withholding your heart and you shouldn't be like,
playing games with his heart, but he should be intentionally trying to win you over to woo you,
not manipulate you, but to show you that he is going to be a mature, masculine,
mate, marriage-minded, all of those things. Okay. Thank you, Jackie.
The yellow flag is a big yellow flag. Okay. Which yellow flag? All of them.
Oh, yes. Okay. I was like, which ones? Mixed in with a little bit of potential red,
depending on his reaction and lots of green, unfortunately. That's what makes it so hard
because he is teachable. It looks like he is willing to have input. He knows that, you know,
that he's not living his best life. And so have that grownup conversation from your heart and see
what happens. Can you do it? I was actually kind of thinking about ending it with him because I
wanted to say, like, hey, it's not clicking for me. I see you're falling for me. And then I was
like, all week long, I'm up in my head running this stuff through my brain. And then when I
get in person with him, I'm like, oh, this is so much fun. We're having a great time. Why would I
end this? So can I do it? Yes, I can have that conversation. But, um, yeah, I mean, it's a lot
to ask, though. It's a life partnership. Sure. Sure. I mean, it's not a lot to ask to tell
someone that these are the things that are causing you to not be able to go forward in your heart.
Sure. I mean, the idea I don't know if I explained he cleaned for days.
Can you hear me? Am I frozen? Who's all frozen? I can hear you, but your face is frozen. Can you
hear me? I don't know if I'm frozen or if she's frozen. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you,
but am I frozen? No, you were. Okay, good. We're all unfrozen. So I mean, it's a huge,
it's a huge thing. It's a huge thing. He cleaned for days before I came over. And that's still
he's brought it up to me twice. Like, Oh, I cleaned my house for you. I cleaned my house
for you. I was like, how long are you going to tell me you clean your house for me? Because
in my head, I was like, you clean your house for me. And there were still worms on the counter.
Somebody hasn't been taught basic life skills. So Ruth, Ruth, it's basic life skills. It's not a lot.
Yeah. But a lot of people haven't been taught those things. And once again, cultural, you guys,
I know that you want me to say it's a deal breaker, but it's only a deal breaker if it is.
And so we don't know, because we don't know what his reaction will be to her misgivings about
moving forward. You know, he can take it really bad and really hard and to say, okay, you know,
you want too much. And, you know, or he could be like, yeah, you're right. I, I don't like this
patterns till now. I think he would go to the moon if I asked him to, but that's not what you
said earlier, hit the nail on the head of like, yeah, I feel like this isn't what I've been
praying for since I was 13. Nope. And that's part of the problem, but that's also the thing
that you've been praying for since you're 13 probably isn't going to happen that way, but
you're going to have, you don't have peace either here. You're going to have peace. And I don't know
whether or not you can get there with this or not, because once again, this is, he's giving bare
minimum. He doesn't know it though, because he's used to bare minimum, but you can't become his mom
and you can't become the person that, you know, fixer uppers are for houses, not spouses y'all.
We can't do that. We can't fix people. We can't, we do have to marry potential. Everyone's going to
only present potential. No one's going to be fully arrived, but when we start to have to fix,
that's when we need to excuse ourselves. So even if he responds positively, which I am 99.9%
certain he will, what do I do from there? Like I expect a clean house. I don't think words really
matter. I think actions are what's going to matter. Like you noticed that when you said,
Hey, I'm not your bro. He showed up with, you know, a linguist app or whatever he was doing.
But I've also had a conversation about planning dates twice. And we're still not there yet. Like
all week long. He's like, Oh, I want to dance with you. I want to dance with you. And in my head,
I'm like, we live in Orlando, you know, where we've danced before. Like what I'm not going to
help you if you want to go dancing with me. And I'm just staying quiet because I'm like, I was
Like, yeah, I love dancing.
That sounds fun.
But I'm like, take me dancing, you know where to go.
He's not doing it.
No, I get it.
And you guys, I want you to know that this advice
is for Christine, so don't apply it to your situation
because every situation is different.
I can use my son as another example.
You know, his current girlfriend,
we were all on a vacation together
and he was doing something that's not that healthy for him
as far as like his eating habits.
And he was off doing that and I was standing next to her
and you know, I've been married for 18 years.
So if that was my husband, because now I'm his wife
and I'd be like, hey, you know, this is, you know,
I'm gonna be that little voice that says,
hey, this is not the greatest thing.
And I said to her, like, kind of like,
aren't you gonna get your man?
And she was just like, that's not my problem.
And I was like, I like this answer.
I like this girl, because it's not.
And so the bottom line is, is that, you know,
if someone doesn't wanna change,
if they don't wanna do the things that are good for them,
then we can't make them,
we can't force them and we shouldn't.
Okay, but once again, my son has a lot of amazing,
wonderful qualities.
He's not perfect.
He's got things that are not good.
She named a whole bunch of really positive qualities
about this guy, but at the same time,
she has a very teacher type of maternal instinct
that is gonna cause her to fix, okay, with someone like this
and she doesn't want to put that hat on
because she wants to be wooed.
She wants to be a lover, not a mother.
She doesn't want that.
So she has to be careful in a situation like this
that she doesn't just give herself over
to trying to make someone a better person
because that's a gift of hers.
And if it gets overextended,
then it's gonna become a weakness.
Does that make sense to everybody?
Okay, so Christine, I hope you have a little more clarity.
I know that I'm not giving you like the answer,
but I'm not-
I wanted an answer, okay, but it's, this was great.
Thank you.
But the answer that I did tell you was,
is that he is giving bare minimum
and I don't think that you could ever be happy
with that long-term.
And if you were the person that was having
to do all the heavy lifting and get this person
to give you what it is that you want,
I think that that would eventually cause resentment.
Yes.
Thank you.
Appreciate you.
Okay.
Okay, you guys.
Lydia, I'm gonna take you really quickly.
What time is it?
We gotta go real fast.
So go ahead.
I think you're like, hey, why didn't I meet anyone yet?
Is that your question?
I mean, I've been on the apps and getting matches.
But a lot of-
I saw you post in the group.
I'm not, I'm not like being prophetic.
I saw something that you posted.
You guys, if you think that I never look, I do look.
And I also have a great memory.
So I'm able to remember a lot of details
about a lot of people.
So let me go ahead and...
Okay, I'm going to...
I'm going to get Lydia on here.
Okay, Lydia, how old are you?
First of all, what?
31.
I know that you hate when people say you're young,
but you are young.
Okay, so let's not get too stressed out here.
All right.
And then how long have you been dating?
Trying to date?
So let's see, I joined the program last year.
Okay.
And I tried a little bit-
In your life, how long have you been like ready
and open to dating?
Like how long?
I think I've always, like throughout my adulthood,
probably once I finished college,
like about a year after that,
I was kind of open to things.
It's just, I wasn't open to online dating
until probably about two years ago.
Okay.
All right.
So two years ago, online dating,
but you've been open since you graduated from college.
So like 23, 24, somewhere in there.
Okay.
All right.
And so you've been on the app,
you're not having any luck there.
So what's your question?
I think it's more like I'm getting matches.
It's just things aren't, you know,
okay, it turns into a conversation
or sometimes the conversations aren't turning into dates.
It's like, I'm trying to do what I can in here
to make sure, you know, whatever block here-
I can already tell
there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.
You might be a little bit shit,
a little timid, maybe a little shy
or maybe a little introverted,
but there's nothing wrong with that
until like you get to know you.
I can tell you it can be real fun
if you're friends with you.
Okay.
But my question for you is,
where do you live?
Kansas City.
Kansas City is a cool town.
A lot of Christian people there.
you doing to meet people in person? So I've been, I got on
the meetup app just to see, you know, okay, what things are out
there. I just, nothing's really been like, oh, that's something
I really want to do.
Okay, so what else? Like, what kind of church do you go to?
Does it have anything for singles over 30? There's lots of
other churches around that area. I mean, that's like, you know,
not the Bible Belt, but yes, I mean, there's lots and lots of
Christians in Kansas City.
Right. So like my church, I've been kind of just grouping all
of like the 20s and 30s together. So there's really just
not a lot of guys my age who show up to things.
Okay. What about other churches around? What about?
I just don't know a lot of what they have going on for people my
age, I think is part of it. Like I've talked to someone I know
who's at another church, and she's like, she knows a few
people, but then none of that's really gone anywhere either.
Okay, it's summertime. How many good friends do you have?
Not a ton of them. And most of them are people that are in my
church. I have a lot of friends who are already married and
having kids too. So
okay, so you don't have a date problem, you have a community
problem right now. Okay, so what I really feel would be the best
scenario for you is to start expanding your community. Okay,
getting involved in things that you enjoy some hobbies, meeting
new people, expanding the community that you have and the
people that you know, this is going to be really important
right now, you're kind of like in what I was saying over that
girl that was talking about her boyfriend's pastor doing the
counseling, like the us for no more situation that expand out
of that. Okay, did you grow up at your church? You've been at
your church your whole life? No. Okay. How long you been going
there?
Oh, let's see. And it's been over 10 years that I've been
there.
10 years, and you're only 31. So since you're 21, is your family
go there? Why did you pick this church?
So I moved here when I was 18. Okay, college. Okay. And so at
the time that I moved here, there were a lot of people my
age who were single. So it's just a lot of people have paired
off and gotten married since so
right. So you picked this church on on your own as an adult? Yes.
Okay. And you you'd love it there. Yeah. Okay. It's
spiritually fulfilling for you. Okay, so that's great. You have
a church that you love that spiritually fulfilling, but it's
not helping you to have community in this area. And so
getting more friends in, you know, from different places,
like, what are you into? Like, what are your hobbies? What do
you do? What do we first of all, what do you do for work?
So I work at an engineering company, it's kind of small, and
there's not a lot of Christians at my work. So there's a lot of
guys, but they're all, you know,
are you an engineer? Or are you like some sort of administrative
marketing? And you're on to? Okay, so what do you like to do
when you're not at work besides good church?
So one of the things I do, like, I enjoy writing, and I'm part of
a writers group, but it's mostly women who show up.
Of course it is because writers groups are women. Okay, so what
else do you like to do besides right? Um, I think part of it is
a lot of my hobbies. There's just, it's not the kind of thing
that guys show up to. Right? So you have a lot of girl hobbies.
Yeah. Okay, so you need to make some friends that are not the
people that you're already friends with. Okay, you need to
make some friends, you need to get out there. There's lots of
different things that you could get involved with, branch out,
find some new hobbies. I mean, obviously get involved with the
hobbies that you already have joined some sort of, like
serving things, some kind of nonprofit thing. I mean, I just
really feel in my heart while I'm talking to you that you're
just like a little bit like sheltered, like closed in. And
you need to get a little bit more out there. Okay, meeting
new people doing new things. Take a class of some sort.
There's all kinds of different things you can do. People are
putting stuff up right now. Do you have any other single
girlfriends that could be your wing woman and go out with I
don't mean like to a bar, but I mean, go out.
Please. I mean, I do have friends, you know, other single
friends. I think sometimes it's just people are so busy. It's
like, oh, let's do this thing. And then it takes three months
to plan. And
yeah, well, you need friends that are in the same season as
you. They just want to go out and have some fun and meet new
people. And so this is what you need. And trust me, you can't
find that because there's lots of there's lots of people. Did
you guys know that Bumble the dating app Bumble actually has a
friend side. So this keeps coming up in my spirit. So I'm
going to tell Lydia this. Bumble is not just for dating. It's
also to find friends. Okay, so as a girl, like I'm on Bumble,
my first move to Austin, you know, I met some women on
Bumble, not because I'm a lesbian looking for a gay
relationship, because there's a friendship side of Bumble.
They're married women, they're single women, and they
Look at your profile, just like a dating app.
You swipe on friends, deciding like who you have in common with.
There's a lot of Christians on there looking for other people to do fun things with.
And so get on Bumble on the friend side and find yourself some girlfriends.
OK. OK, and girlfriends that are fun and extroverted and that are going to drag you
out and make you have fun and meet new people because you need that in your life.
And then for all of you that haven't joined the ARC dating app, because we're going to
be doing some fun partnerships with this app for those of you that are like, but why
should I join? That's why you should join.
So go ahead and use the affiliate link.
You can find in the resource page of the app, your app here, last year, single and use
that link because that is going to put you in a database as being part of our affiliate
with ARC. When we have these pop up events, there's at least one more speed dating event
this month that you can participate in.
This is an app by Christians for Christians.
You guys, it's only going to get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger because they're
doing affiliates with lots of communities like ours.
And so get on there and do that.
OK, and be part of this next this next speed dating thing.
All of you have events.
You can go on Facebook and go to events and look at the events in a zip code.
Put your zip code in.
Look at all the events that are happening.
There's there's a theater in the park that's happening everywhere.
There's live music everywhere.
There's all different types of things.
Get yourself a wingman or a wingwoman and go out there.
Christians are everywhere, not just at church.
OK, I feel like your app exhausted, besides with just a friend, finding a friend,
finding girls on apps, take a break from the apps romantically, find some friends on
the app on Bumble and get on ARC just for that speed dating situation.
If you're not already on there with our affiliate link and let's get you out in
summer, having fun and meeting people in person.
OK.
That's for you. All right, that's probably for a lot of you.
All right, you guys, thank you so much for tonight.
We appreciate you. Love you all.
You guys just single cities are amazing.
Join your single city.
The one that's closest to you and new ones are coming all the time.
So we'll see you soon. Bye, everyone.