Appreciate it.
All right, ladies.
It's 7 o'clock on the dot.
And I am so excited to see y'all tonight.
I hope you've been having a good day.
I got a chance today to coach the 12 o'clock session.
And so that was exciting because Carla is out of town.
And I don't ever get to be with the 12 o'clock people
because some of the 12 o'clock people
never come to 8 o'clock because of their schedule.
And so this is my second session.
And I was wondering to myself, like, hmm,
how would this feel if I did sessions all day long?
Because there's some curriculum where
I've wanted to do courses and have group sessions where,
not necessarily coaching or relationship,
but other things that I do well.
And so I'm kind of getting a feel of that.
Y'all done asked for that.
That's probably a little bit too much.
But I'll just say this is my experience right now.
So that's what I'm doing.
So let's go.
Anybody new to this phase?
First time in our session tonight.
Perfect.
Hannah, how long have you been in phase two?
A while.
Really?
Have you ever been?
Yes, I haven't been able to make the live calls typically
on Tuesdays.
So that's why it worked for me to hop on tonight.
But I would say probably since like the maybe mid-April.
OK.
And end of April.
So.
In phase two or in the program?
Phase two.
OK.
Well, that hasn't been that long.
We got some people in phase two.
It's been here about 10, 12, 11, 12, 13 weeks.
Ha, ha, ha.
Hey, hey, Lisa.
Hi.
How are you?
Huh?
How are you?
I'm good.
Good to see you again.
Good to see you too.
Hey, and Leanne, were you raising your hand
your first time in phase two?
Yes, it's my first time.
And yeah, but I've been responding
to some of your stuff, right?
Correct.
I haven't been able to make a live.
OK.
But yeah, I've been in phase two for three weeks now.
OK, yay.
Well, so good to have all of y'all here on tonight.
Just for some housekeeping, you ladies
know try to grab one video a week.
If you get behind, it's just like you keep getting behind.
So I encourage you just to go for it and watch the videos.
I don't do well with replays.
Some of y'all may be like me.
So the sessions that happen, or prayers, or Fridays, Saturdays,
sometimes I don't get to go back.
So I try to catch it when it's live.
But however, we want to encourage you guys
to watch your videos, Dating 101, Online Dating,
all those great things, The Divine Feminine.
All of Jackie's teachings are absolutely excellent.
I know that you guys know that because you
have been under her teachings.
And it's something about her voice
that I can't get enough of.
And I've been listening to her teaching for a very long time.
So yeah, so we want to do that.
We want to remember not to post things from outside sources
unless Admin approves of it because it
is to keep our community safe.
Now, how many of you ladies had an opportunity
to check out the post from Bethany and respond?
Yeah, mm-hmm.
That's true, Leanne has responded.
You guys, she posts some really good thoughts,
really good encouragement.
And so as much as you can, as often as you can,
check out what she posts.
It's always so very encouraging.
And go ahead and post up a reply.
Because you ladies post some really good content.
And it's always very encouraging.
I can't tell you how many things you guys
post that I read that encourage me or speak to my heart.
And the way God speaks to some of y'all, it's just amazing
what he reveals to you.
And so all of you ladies who don't get a chance
to go through and see what your sisters post, please do it.
Even if it's a question, it's still really good.
The way some of you all are able to break down and process
what you are experiencing is so good.
And there's never been a post that anyone
has posted in my coaching career that I in some way
could not connect to.
Because us as women, we're just not very far removed.
And we can all learn from each other.
So I just want to encourage you guys to do that.
So Saturday, Jackie talked about us operating in the Holy Spirit
more, right, about our heavenly language.
Was anyone activated in their spiritual language on Sunday?
Did anyone receive that?
No, that's OK.
I was just checking.
We're going to do an activation this week and what we're going to do is we're going to piggyback
after what Jackie okay we're going to piggyback after what Jackie talked to us about on Saturday
and what Bethany also posted on the wall and I have it written down so I have to read it.
So we're going to practice seeking God for his plans for our day or our week and we're going
to do that we're going to ask questions of God is like how can we partner with you today.
So you know a lot of times we're used to bringing God our list of what's going to make our world
better because we know he just wants to do everything we want and sometimes I think we've
gotten used to a God that serves us and not a people who serve a God and generally people who
serve a God they actually take the the the commands and they do what that guy wants and so sometimes
in our relationship with the Lord this is not to me say that we're not supposed to bring our
cares and concerns to the Lord so please don't hear what I'm not saying but what I'm saying is
we get to practice the opportunity to go to our father and say how can I partner with you today.
What plans that you have for me before I made it to this day that you want to see
may manifest in the life that you created. Right in the book of first or second Corinthians it
says that we are God's workmanship that he created us for good works in the things it says
that the things that he foreknew about us already he has them planned for us these good works and so
that's what we're going to ask the Lord about those good works. So somebody may say Lord what
is the good work you have planned for me today? How did you envision this day in heaven when you
shaped me? The Bible says that he knew us he already knew us before he put us in our mother's
womb so all of our days have been numbered he knows everything about them and I know for certain
he had a plan for us this day as he does for tomorrow and for the next day and every day until
you get to see him again. Okay so that may be the question you may want to ask. How do you feel led
to deny your flesh or what distractions do you feel that you need to deny yourself of? So an
example for me I deny my flesh sometimes I do very well with this when I get emotionally or upset
instead of running to the idol of sugar or food I say no. Instead of running to an idol of shopping
the things we do when we don't go to God we're actually going to something else to give us
immediate pleasure, immediate comfort and all of us have a tendency to go somewhere that brings us
some type of pleasure or comfort instead of God and so what I'm saying is what do you want to
deny yourself of? What do you want to deny your appetite of? To say no that's not what we're going
to do or what if so in doing these things they actually do lead to greater intimacy with the
father because you're getting on one accord with him and intimacy is what you desire because it's
the Holy Spirit that speaks to you in every part of life in very intimate ways so that you'll know
the direction of the Lord and then the last little thing all right um let's ask a question of God
kind of piggybacks after what I said it's like how can I serve you today Lord? How can I serve you
today king? Because he is a king with a kingdom and if you are a born-again believer and you've
confessed Jesus Christ that means you live in that kingdom you have dual citizenship that's
what Paul said you have heavenly citizenship and earthly citizenship so I'm declaring over you
today that thy kingdom come that will be done on earth as it is in heaven through your life
so what are we going to do with it? What we're going to do is that's our activation for the week
and then we're going to take some time out and we're going to activate it right now
so how I have it written down we're going to complete create a plan for ourselves now if you
were at one o'clock you already created the plan we're going to create a plan and then Bethany's
post she said for about 50 days if you wanted to 40 days I want to challenge you to this let's
break it down to 10 days okay but we're going to create a plan on something that we're going to do
every morning when we wake up to set our mind and affections on God and his plans and what he wants
to do in our life that day so what does that look like um you may wake up and say I'm going to pray
for five minutes every morning for the next 10 days five minutes and when we pray we're not going
to pray about God I really want you to do this and do this and do this and do this and do this and
do this because I know you want it for me and I know you want that for me and I know you want this
for me
I want you to do this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this.
And when you get through with your prayer,
I want you to count how many times that you hear me in your prayer.
And then the next day, when you come back for five minutes,
you're going to come back at a place of surrendering and try it again.
And this is not to say that you don't have a care to lay before the feet of the
father, but for five minutes,
take out some time just thanking him and blessing him for who he is in your life
and how faithful he has been. And then your next rest of your day,
you can tell him all about what you want. All right.
And so we want to ask him, what are your plans?
Or what are your thoughts for today? All right.
And then maybe somebody else says they want to read their Bible for five
minutes. Maybe you have a devotional that you want to do for five minutes.
Somebody else may want to prophesy over their life for five minutes.
You want to go look in the mirror and says you are fearfully and wonderfully
made.
You can do hard things because you have a God who is with you,
who is for you, who is never against you. You look in the mirror and look in your
eyes. And you say, if it were me, Ebony, I love you.
You are worthy of love. You were designed for love.
And you can do that over and over for the next five minutes. If you like,
it really does change you because I do it. I've done it in the past.
It does something in our brain psychologically. That's why I started doing,
um, maybe you wanted to declare scriptures over your life.
Two of the scriptures that I chose to declare over my life is that I am the city
on a hill. Um, and that I'm the salt and light of the earth.
The reason why I'm doing that is because with our church,
we're focusing more on discipleship and evangelism.
And I need to know that who I am because the Bible says that a light or candle
should not be lit and put under a basket. And I am a light.
And it says that my light will, my light, when it's set on the hill,
it'll give light to the whole city.
And I'm in the business of giving light to my whole city.
I'm in the business of giving light to all of my neighbors and I'm in the
business of walking up to people and telling them about the gospel of Jesus
Christ. And so these scriptures I feel are going to empower me,
empower me being what God already says that I am,
but that I need to be more convinced of. All right.
And then you may say, um, when I get up in the morning for five minutes,
I want to thank God for everything that he has done and did in
my life. Or I just want to thank him that I have eyes to see and ears to hear,
a voice to talk and legs to walk.
I want to thank him for my arms and my fingers.
I want to thank him for the breath in my body and the organs that function so
well. I want to think that I have a functioning heart and not a pacemaker.
I want to think that I have an excellent digestive system and I'm not suffering
from Crohn's disease.
I want to thank him that I don't have osteoarthritis or arthritis
racking through my body. I want to thank him that my back is not in pain.
I want to thank him that I don't have scoliosis.
I want to thank him that I'm not in liver failure.
I want to thank him that all is well for me, no matter what's going on.
I want to thank him for my family. I want to thank him for my children.
I want to thank him that I didn't get a call over in the night.
I want to thank him that I woke up and everything was fine.
I want to thank him that didn't cause somebody come banging on my door,
telling me my house was burning down.
There are so many things that you can thank the Lord for.
And I guarantee you, it'll take you well past five minutes,
but you will be empowered because you're going to find out just how big and great
and wonderful your God is because he is a keeper.
All right.
I'm getting a little warmed up myself when you think about the goodness of the
Lord and all that he's done for me. That's what they would say at church,
you know, and the scripture says that when you command your soul to bless the
Lord, and then somebody else may want to do this.
I'm giving you a lot of ideas because sometimes we need them.
You may want to say to yourself over the next 10 days,
every time anxiety rise up on the inside of me,
every time I hear negative thoughts,
every time something goes wrong out of flat tire, whatever it could be,
instead of worrying about a thing, I'm going to swap it out for worship.
You may want to challenge yourself over the next 10 days.
When you feel these things happening, you quickly start singing a song.
I don't care if it's this little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine.
I don't care if Jesus loved the little children.
Maybe you don't know a lot of worship songs.
Maybe you have a playlist and in that moment,
you're going to play something or you're going to just, you know,
him a little song that's down in your soul that you already know.
And so those are our options. I hope that I didn't take too long,
but I want to give you a lot of options.
And now we're going to set the timer for five minutes and you're going to come up
with a plan for what you think you want to do,
how you want to connect God with more closely. You can,
some of you guys are driving and I totally understand.
You can post it in the chat if you want to share with the rest of the ladies.
And so I'm going to say, is that cool? Any questions about that?
Good. All right. I'm going to set us up for five minutes and.
I'll let you know at one minute. We at one minute mark. Okay, go.
Silence.
Oh, I forgot all about the one minute, y'all got one minute.
All right, ladies. I hope you ladies were able to hope you guys were able to jot something down.
I hope that something that was shared resonated with you to help you do that as well.
OK, awesome. Let me read the last one.
All right, ladies. So we're going to hold on to this activation and we're going to practice it.
And I want you guys to post throughout the week, post on the community wall.
And I share with you how much wisdom you all carry in your encounters with the Lord are so encouraging.
And so please do share. Share, share what you have going on.
It's always good. And so let's do that.
So, Scott, are you one of those little walking treadmill things?
I was like, why is she like she going backwards? I am.
I've been sitting all day. I'm like, I need to get moving.
Oh, no. Yeah, I understand that. OK.
So, ladies, it is time for you to share.
But before you share, when you share this, I want you to unmute your mics and share.
I want to know your statuses around here. Are you dating?
Are you trying to date? Are you online? What are you doing?
Are you are you dating somebody you've been dating for two or three months?
I need some statuses around here. So let's unmute and give me a status.
One person unmuted. Stop being you. You say something. All right.
Go for it.
I'm talking about a dozen a week. What's that, Juanita?
Working on my profile still. OK, profile. Got you.
Laura, I'm talking to about a dozen a week.
Oh, hey, man.
What do you mean?
But but but they but they drop off when I ask for a phone number or a chat.
They they drop off. I've gotten a couple of live dates from guys at church, but they're kind of too old.
How old? And they're 70s. I'm 63. And they're in their mid 70s.
You know, they want them a little young thing. So, you know.
Yeah, I know.
Don't be my forever friends. But they're not they're not the one.
Well, at least you got a couple of days, you know.
My, my, my. It was this guy at my church, my old church. I'm telling you, he got some millions.
And I was like, I think I like you myself, sir.
OK, go for it. Who's next? What are our statuses around here?
Currently dating, trying to figure out a situation with a long distance guy that I've been talking to.
So maybe you can give me some insight at some point in the call.
Oh, yeah, that'd be great.
Can't find you. Who was talking to me.
Hannah. There you go. See the screen was on the other screen. I couldn't even find myself. I'm Hannah. Okay, talking to my long distance. Gotcha. All right. Somebody else is saying for them in the wrong place. Who was that. Wave your hand like this.
It's me, Megan.
I definitely want to talk more about it later.
Okay, who else y'all come in hot because I got a lot of people want to talk
He can come to see y'all. That's what I be thinking. Here we go. Anybody else dating wave everything
Yeah, I
I'm on on the apps.
I'm chatting to people. I went on a date last week we set up a date for this week. I don't know that it will happen, though, because he
He has a church thing that he for he forgot that he was involved in. So we're rescheduling pending second date. We don't know when that's going to happen, but we're still talking
And then, yeah, just talking to people on the apps. I'm trying to do my best to like like people outside of what I normally go for, you know, so that's been that's been interesting. I've been like, okay, swiping right
Here we go. It's happening. It's happening.
Yeah, and then you look back and they like you back and it was like you look like they're probably like, why did I even pick you
Or real
You try to remember what mindset, you were in and you I'd be like, was I in the mindset of just pick somebody because I really messed up with this. I shouldn't have picked like this canopy.
Anybody else do that. Like, I was in that mindset, but I went to party.
All
Things when I go back to the profile. I'm like, oh my God.
Yes. Okay, ladies. So, um, and I want you guys to know.
Let me clear this up. I've said it a lot of times. I want to say it again.
Coaching is about your life. It's not just about dating relationships.
So no matter what,
if it's a relationship issue with a mom or with the dad or something that
you're struggling, it's all the same. It all builds capacity.
It all builds communication. It all build boundaries.
Like all of these things build capacity in the way you handle things.
When you're triggered, it be, you have,
you need to be triggered so you can practice what you've learned, right?
You got to get in the gym and lift weights.
If you want to get strong and we're building strong, powerful,
wise women who are led by God, who has,
who allows God to write their love story while they get equipped for the
promises that he has. All right, so let's get started.
Just raise your hand if you want to share it.
I'm gonna try to write your name down quick as I can. Go ahead.
Um, Hannah.
Hmm. Okay. So are we good?
Yeah. Oh, that's me looking like, what's your screen? You're good. Keep going.
So I was, um, I was in Nashville at the end of April and I just thought,
you know what, this is a perfect time to start going on dates.
So swiped right. And I,
so I play violin and I literally just went down there like,
I'm just going to walk the streets of Broadway and I'm going to go to a
gig and like play a gig while I'm here. So I'm going to go on dates.
So I was just like, put myself out there, went on the dates,
like played some gigs. Like it was great. Um,
met a guy who is from Michigan and strong Christian,
lots of values. Um, so we started talking, went on a date,
and then he actually came to visit in Minnesota, um,
like probably three weeks ago. And he was like,
so his, the visit went well. I mean, it was really discovery to see,
like, do we have like connection? Is there chemistry? Um,
it went well, but we never really recapped at the end how it went.
So he went back home to his home state. I'm obviously here and we've been
talking through this time, but like, I, I have to tell you,
I still have a lot of feelings about him.
I don't know if that's because I'm in the,
talking through this time, but like, I,
I have not been able to get engaged where he's at. Like, do you like me?
Do you not like me? Like he still reaches out,
but the phone calls are kind of like, um,
like kind of the impression that if he has time to talk, he'll talk.
Like he's initiating the phone calls,
but it's not like setting aside uninterrupted time. It's more like, Oh,
I'm taking my boat on the lake. I'm about to pick my family up. You know,
like, um, his mom or his nephews. And, and so like,
I have seven minutes, seven minutes of chat,
like just lots of kind of staggered.
And so I did reach out last week, and I just asked, like, hey, you know, we never really
had a chance to revisit your time here in Minnesota.
How did that feel for you?
And you know, just kind of curious what's going through your head.
He did say that he was interested, like that he enjoyed getting to know me.
It was more like kind of the connection piece, like, you know, just seeing if we do have
something like, like almost like a spark.
So we were going to talk about that over the phone, because this was all over text, and
we were trying to connect over the weekend.
And Friday night, he sends a text.
And it was kind of like, I don't have any immediate plans, but like, something might
come up, but I can talk.
And then it turned into, let's talk Saturday.
So then Saturday, he had like plans come up.
So we chatted for seven minutes.
He's like, let's talk tomorrow.
Let's talk Sunday.
So then Sunday comes, and all of a sudden, he's out on a boat with friends.
Like, it just kept getting pushed back.
And I kept getting more and more like uninterested.
And I was like, I don't even want to have the conversation.
So by yesterday, I did send a text, and I just said, you know, I really like appreciate
and admire you as a person, but I'm just not really feeling a strong connection to continue
things.
And it was kind of like a breakup text.
I mean, that was really the impression.
And he's like, okay, well, I was waiting for your phone call on Sunday.
And I'm like, he's like, I hope there wasn't a miscommunication.
And I'm like, well, I was waiting for yours on Sunday, because you were up with friends.
I didn't want to interrupt.
And he realized that he sent a text to the wrong person after he got off his boat.
And letting them know that he could chat, he meant to send it to me.
He sent it to somebody else.
So today has been a little awkward.
It was kind of like last night just kind of died off in conversation.
But today, I'm just like, I just don't feel it.
So he did send a text today.
And he was like, you know, just to be clear, like, do you want to keep talking and exploring
where this relationship goes?
Or you know, are you pretty, like decided?
And Ebony, it's like, he has great values.
Like he's, he does have a lot of values I appreciate.
But it's like, at this point, with the long distance thing, I'm just feeling like, I don't
think I feel enough of a connection or a spark to continue, especially since it's, it's felt
very low priority.
And he, I truly believe he didn't mean to, like, make me feel that way.
But he is a very entrepreneurial guy.
It's like, he's always doing something.
He's always on the go.
And the whole like, setting aside time.
It's like he and he's an extrovert, 100% extrovert, like, on the go all the time.
So I just was getting a sense like, it just seems like if nothing better comes up, then
you can talk but we haven't gotten deeper.
It feels like pen pals at this point.
So I don't know how like, I know long distance can be a challenge.
You know, at what point do you recognize like, okay, we do have really great values.
There is a lot there value wise.
And then what at what point do you just kind of recognize, but there's no spark.
Right?
And how long has it been?
We met at the very end of April.
Like the last week of April, he visited mid May, like right after Mother's Day, like the
I don't know, the 13th or the 15th or something.
And then we've been talking since mid May.
But like I said, like there was never any clear communication, like I really enjoy my
time with you.
You know, like you're so pretty, like, it's just been more surface.
It feels very, it feels very platonic.
Like that, that has been my impression.
Before he came to visit you for those three weeks, how much how often did y'all talk?
We were talking like, he was actually like really intentional during those, like, from
the time we met to the time he visited, we would talk at least like a couple times a
week over the phone.
And then pretty much send like, you know, a couple texts a day.
Um, yeah, it was it was a few times a week that we were talking.
So way more intentional, way more intentional.
And then the visit was kind of like, I mean, and he brought it up, he's like, you know,
we're talking, why don't we just plan a visit?
Like he travels all the time.
So long distance is not like he'll hop on a plane to go meet for coffee with a friend.
Like, that's the level of extrovert this guy is.
So he's like, let's just I'll come and visit you if you don't feel it like no pressure.
It'll be a visit, you know, visit to Minnesota.
But when he was here, it, I was trying to gauge him.
It's like he seemed to enjoy his time.
But I did not feel any sort of like, oh, you look so nice in your dress, or, you know,
like, when he was there, did y'all have things that you planned out for y'all to do?
Did y'all?
Did you?
Were you intentional with your time involving him?
Oh, yeah, for sure.
We I mean, we, it was like being a tourist in my own city.
We like went to super nice restaurants, we went to coffee shops, he owns a coffee shop.
up where he's from um we like took walks outside because it was beautiful here we were like
exploring different places so we were we were on the go um for like three solid days um
yeah were y'all physical no okay did he try to get physical no okay i'm just trying to add up
all the pieces before i say what i'm saying like i'm trying to get into the world it felt
it felt super platonic like okay like almost like he was he wasn't sure if he liked me and i wasn't
sure if i like him in that way like it felt like we had a friendship i will say this like the first
day that he um was here we we talked okay we spent from 2 30 in the afternoon to midnight because
like we went we were like doing restaurants coffee shops went to see a show went out for
you know dinner afterwards he talked the entire 10 hours except for the two hour show and finally
at midnight when i'm like exhausted i'm like i gotta drop you off at your hotel i need to go
home he's like oh yeah like what are your values like what do you want in somebody i'm like
i just want to sleep
so yeah so yeah you know you guys have been talking for a while and it doesn't sound like
he's very interested to me thank you okay because it didn't it didn't feel like that
either to me so i kind of like last week i did initiate a text on thursday and i was and i you
know just asked him like you know we really haven't had a chance to revisit your time here
how did that feel for you you know did you enjoy your time um and i did clarify i'm like you know
i'm really okay with wherever you're at i would just love to know what's going through your mind
and he responded the next day because i sent the text thursday evening he responded in friday
morning and he's like yeah like i really think you're great we share a lot of the core values
you love the lord um he's like i like you it's just more of a matter like long term why is it
for a good connection you're like a good fit time will only tell he's like i'd like to continue
getting to know you and then it was like and then he just asked me like where are you at
yeah but it didn't feel i'll put it this way it's like i didn't i don't feel pursued right
like i don't feel like he's so he's he kind of keeps putting it back in my court at this point
like again we were going to talk about it um after that text we were going to talk over the phone
friday evening he kept pushing it back pushing it back and it was always kind of like i don't have
any immediate plans right now so i can talk but if it doesn't work for you i'll talk tomorrow then
tomorrow came saturday and it was i have plans sunday came and so by the end sunday i was just
checked out like yeah yeah i think it's safe to say he's he's just not that into getting to know
you and that um you've given it a good go for it and if this is how he showed up in the first month
and a half i don't know what what then what it's going to look like later on and so i think that
you know that he's not putting in any effort you feel it you know it and you know ladies sometimes
a person can have really wonderful core values um but if we don't experience them we don't ever get
to see their fruit i only know what you say i don't know what you're doing on that boat i'm just
saying you don't have time with the person you don't get to experience them how do you know them
you only know what they say and you cannot build anything after that so i agree with you hannah
that helps me because i've been like in mental turmoil today like no and it doesn't matter
sometimes what a person says back to us we try to weigh it in but not when this type of time
has passed the only vote that matters at this point is yours hannah because you know how being
trying to do this with him has made you feel and you're not going to override what you've
experienced with him to take his word for something because you've experienced him for
almost two months and there comes a time you guys well we don't override what we've experienced
this is not the second you know second week and he's like oh look i've been super busy but
this is what i wanted this is what i'm gonna do and you're not gonna have to worry about that again
that's not what's happening here this is almost going into two months and so you've experienced
this for two months so now you have to take a vote for hannah and then you have to say no hannah's not
going to subject herself to this and whenever you build capacity to date i may no i see that you
don't have capacity to date me we're not going to revisit this right i really appreciate hearing that
Yeah, that resonates deeply.
He kind of kept putting it back on my plate since last night.
Because he was trying to explain himself, and then it was,
do you want to continue?
Are you confident in your?
So I felt like I was having to make the decision a few times
since last night.
And I'll be honest, my personality,
that's a big thing to kind of be vulnerable about.
I feel like I've been very vulnerable since Thursday,
and it's just come back with very low effort.
And so by last night, I was just like, you know, I, yeah.
Like in my mind, I was just like,
I don't think I do want to continue, so.
Yeah, no, you tell them that the experience
that you had thus far is not best for you.
And it's good that you use strong words like that.
The experience I've had with you thus far
doesn't suit me well.
I mean, it's not ideal.
Yeah, and I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna,
I'm not gonna fool with you.
So yeah, thanks, Hannah, for sharing.
That was really good.
Felicia. Thank you.
I appreciate it. You're welcome.
Oh, hi.
Hey, Hannah.
Hi, hi, hi.
So, okay, where do I start?
So yes, I have a guy yesterday who turns out,
it was a text, and apparently on his part,
I think he wanted to talk because the text,
as I mentioned in community that he said,
it was a bit strong.
Oh, yeah.
Remember?
Yeah.
So he wanted to talk,
and I kind of have this reserved mindset
where I just don't like people to call on me right away.
I like to always spend my time to do things.
But I said, you know what, let's get it done.
So I went ahead and, you know, he shared his number,
and I told him I'd prefer him to call me
because, you know, I chose to, you know,
have privacy in that area with my number.
So he did call, and then we talked.
And like I said, you know, it's a discovery.
I think I placed my heart in that section so much
that it's really working on me
that I'm not fuzzy about it, you know?
I mean, I don't know if because,
I don't know if you know my story
that I lost my husband in July coming in three years.
And I think, I don't know where I'm at with it.
I'm ready to move on.
I should be moving on.
But I kind of think that it's so new for me.
I've never had a man friend before,
never in my entire life.
I don't know what that feels like.
So having someone to talk to is very new,
but, you know, I can do.
I can do my best with coaching.
I think when you mentioned,
because I know at some point,
either from coaching or Jackie had mentioned
that we can say that, correct me if I'm wrong,
that we can let them know
that we're doing this with coaching.
And I feel great to say that,
because I'm not doing this on my own.
If they ask, so what led me to online coaching?
What led me to the app?
I said, you know, I can say I'm doing that with coaching.
And, you know, basically sometimes they sound like
it's so weird, it's a weird thing.
Like, what is that?
Like, you know, one of my community friends
that they look like they're lost when you tell them that.
So I did say that and he didn't understand it.
Then, you know, when we get talking,
he kind of sound like, you know,
I don't think when he say, you know, you're a big girl,
you know, I don't think you need anyone
to tell you how to date.
And I said, no, no, no, no, that's not what it is.
But then he said, oh, sorry, he understand.
And I explained to him why I need to walk through this.
He said, no, he understands.
And then he said,
that's what he was kind of misunderstanding
when I was texting him.
He could kind of see through me
that I'm a very firm person.
So I kind of think I need to talk to him about that.
Like, what do you mean when you said he can see through me
and see that I'm firm?
Or I don't know if I was coming off very direct with him.
I don't know if that has to do with because of, you know,
moving into this whole new dating world
I'm getting used to it.
And I just like to tell people, like,
if you ask a question,
I'm going to answer you exactly what it is, right?
So I don't live that if I need some coaching
or just things are coming up, you know?
But I was grateful that he told me that I was, you know,
I seems a bit strong.
But then when we talked, he was like surprised.
Like, I can't believe that I see your pictures
and the voice is different and the text is different.
But he kind of holding on, like he's texting me.
Where are you?
I'm like, I'm like.
Where are you?
Like, what are you doing today?
And I'm like, oh, God.
Oh, I see.
Can you read the text to me that you sent him?
Okay, let me go over there and see.
Okay, let's get over there and see what's going on here.
Let's find him.
So, okay, let's go over here, we're going to go into the matches, right?
All right, so, yeah, so he says, he's kind of one that I didn't want to answer, and he
did.
Okay, so he started by saying, okay, let's start here, where he said, he was talking
about a watermelon fast, let's see here, okay, he said, Hi, Felicia, how are you?
What's the weather like there?
So we talked about that, you know, what I'm doing, and it's raining now.
So he said he's chilling.
That's all he's preparing to do for a fast.
I didn't understand that.
So I wanted him to explain that to me.
So I could understand.
So I said, Sorry, I didn't understand the text.
I just wanted to understand so we can track each other conversation.
So he said, No, I am home chilling.
That's all I'm preparing myself for a fast where I am going to do a 70 watermelon fast.
I said, Oh, got you.
Wow.
First time doing it.
He said, I am funny.
I was like, Okay, what?
And I asked him, what's the benefit of that?
He said, What did you find?
So I asked him, What did you find funny in that?
You know, I kind of want to know what he sees funny.
I want to know if I'm funny, what makes it funny?
Then he said, No, he said the watermelon fast could be the first and whatever.
Then he said, Is what I said, what is what I said about understanding him was funny to
him.
Why he said I was funny.
Then he talked about the benefit of the watermelon fast.
And then we went into he asked me, What do I do in that era?
So I did green smoothie fast before organic fast before and all that good stuff.
Then he said, he talked about the watermelon fast again, what it does, then I said, he
asked me what, no, he said it's cool.
Then he said, I told him that hearing about a watermelon fast, all I'm thinking naturally
is the sweetness of it, not knowing there's great benefit behind it.
Then he said, Felicia, yeah.
So what type of relationship are you looking for on this app?
And I said, I'm looking for a friend.
No, he said, he answered me first.
I answered him and said, I am looking for a mature marriage-binded man, right?
He said, he's looking for a friend, buddy, wifey, long term.
Then he asked me, when was the last time you were with someone?
I tell you my mind, I saw it, but I was like, is he asking me if I was sleeping with someone?
Our mind can be so filthy if we're not reading things.
But when I went back and read it, he was just asking me like, you know, what creates single,
what create my singleness?
And I said, we can be so wrong.
When I look at the text, I said, the guy's just asking me, you know, how long I've been
single.
So I told him it's been July coming is three years.
So he asked me what type of relationship I'm looking for.
And I told him, I told him about the singleness, I asked him how the app working for him.
He said, so-so, I haven't had, he haven't found anyone yet.
Hopefully you can be the one for me.
I'm like, oh my God.
Then he said, I said, ha ha, now that's your funny time.
And I said, not finding anyone meaning, because I don't know what he meant.
Did he find, did he talk with people, what he meant?
Then he said, well, you know, conversation here and there, but nothing like, you know,
this long, nothing that this interesting of him talking to me.
He said, he's looking to find a soulmate.
He said, what about me?
I told him what I'm looking for.
Then I mentioned the coaching and he said, why?
He said, why you say that?
So that's where he was getting confused when you hear coaching, he was lost.
Like, well, then he said he wanted to talk with me.
And then we went on the conversation and we start talking.
So I don't know what part of it was kind of strong or, you know, I don't know.
Oh, hold on, what do you pick up?
Yeah, what happened was, it wasn't that you were strong.
If he had heard you say those things, you said he wouldn't have heard it that way.
He would have heard when you say, you know, I'm looking for a soulmate.
He would have heard when you say, oh, what's that?
That's what he would have heard.
Oh, what's that?
He wouldn't have heard, what's that?
Like, you know what I'm saying?
He could have heard the inclination in your voice, but some things get lost over text.
And so he may have said you came out strong.
It's just because he's not hearing your voice the way we're hearing your voice right now.
And had he heard your voice, he wouldn't, because a lot of,
he didn't, I saw a couple of times where he didn't recognize what you were saying to him.
Like, your slang way of talking.
didn't match his slain and his slain didn't match your slain.
You know, way of communicating.
So now if both of you guys had to use complete sentences
or made, you know, complete statement,
then it would have connected more,
but both of you didn't catch
each other's way of expressing yourself.
Yeah, there are no inflections in text.
And so I think that he was just going by,
he assigned you a voice in his head
based on your picture.
That's why I tell y'all, we cannot text for weeks on end.
You assign a voice to somebody,
you assign a personality to them,
and then everything you hear,
you hear through the assignment that you gave them.
So whether they're going to be your lover boy,
your money man, anything, you can pick it.
He's so awesome in the Lord.
Everything he says is going to look like that to you
because the brain does it, it does it automatically.
You can't stop it.
And so you didn't come out strong,
but I do believe that there was some translation.
This just lost, lost.
And so, and that was, you know,
kind of back and forth, but pretty lengthy,
but you know, it's an early on conversation,
but no, don't be concerned about that.
Well, I will tell you that Felicia, this is true.
You are a straightforward person,
but he didn't hear that from your text.
He created a voice for you
because you didn't say anything very strong,
but it's nothing wrong with you
being a straightforward individual.
And some people find that intimidating.
You are, as much as I've known you,
you are straightforward with what you're going to say,
but you are kind.
I'm a very straightforward person.
It's just how I'm made.
If it's an elephant in the room, I'm going to address it.
I feel safe that way.
It's just like, let's get this straight.
What's going on?
What's happening here?
What's your question?
And so interesting that y'all said,
who else by show of hands,
when he said, when the last time you've been with somebody,
who thought he was talking about sex?
Raise your hand.
I know me too.
I was like, no, he didn't.
See, see, and I've done it before.
Like I've looked at Beckett messages before
and I'd be like, oh, he didn't even say that.
And a lot of times,
you guys will post and be like, he said, hey, beautiful.
I didn't appreciate it.
I'm like, okay, what would you like him to say?
I just didn't appreciate what he said.
I was like, babe, all he said was,
hey, he told you, you were pretty.
Women, y'all don't want to admit this,
but you come in with a little chip on your shoulder.
I don't know what you be processing,
but you come in strong.
And then, so beautiful is not a pet name.
Beautiful is a compliment.
You guys, beautiful is not a pet name.
Hey, baby, baby is a pet name.
Hello, beautiful.
Hello, cutie.
Those are compliments.
When a man sees a pretty woman, he calls her pretty.
And when he sits down to have coffee
with that beautiful woman,
he won't be able to stop talking
because he is nervous.
And all his brain keeps saying is pretty woman,
pretty woman, pretty woman, pretty woman.
Ooh, pretty woman, pretty woman, pretty woman, pretty woman.
I can't believe this pretty woman is talking to me.
Can you believe this pretty woman talking to me?
I can't believe this pretty woman talking to me
because most men don't believe,
men don't get a lot of compliments
like women get compliments, right?
And so, and let me give you one more example.
We're going to keep it moving
because I don't want us to run out of time.
Why is it that a woman in the grocery store,
someone can say, oh, you are so beautiful
and you don't call that a pet name.
Do you?
Do you say, listen, woman, don't call me no pet name.
Because beautiful is not a pet name.
All right.
But pet names within itself are very unhealthy
because it sends a sign that you know a person
better than you do.
And you don't know them.
And it can be offensive
because you're trying to say, you know me and you don't.
And one more other thing, Felicia,
when he asks you what you're doing, what's going on.
I believe that because, and I had the same thing.
It feels like someone's invading your space.
It's like, what you mean what I'm doing?
You don't know me like that.
But I assure you, Felicia, it's just conversation.
They're just reaching out, trying to connect.
And so what they say is, what you're doing?
What's going on?
And I had one of my little cousins,
I will try to coach her.
And she told me, oh, it slid my mind just again.
She just don't like it if I'm if a boy takes her cuz she's like 21. What you doing?
That's all you got to say. I said, well, baby, what do you want him to say?
I called you today actually what you're doing you seem fine with it
Men don't have as many words as women and if they're reaching out they're making a connection
She said well, he could take anybody what you're doing. I said he sure can but he's texting you
and
So, you know
So you would get so worked up about this, but they don't know what to say y'all know how me and I
Don't know how to boys. Thank you know how your brother think they just don't have a lot of words
And that's why we like to move on to a coffee date
quickly
Well, he's willing to drive. He's a car and he knows how to drive
I think he's 150 miles away. I just want to let you know, it's not as I wouldn't do it. I'm just not ready to do it
So he said well, I have a car I can drive. Okay, but I don't know if I should continue because you look like he can
tend to stick
What
Explore more. I don't know if I should let him come that far too because if I tell him he will
He's not like he was ready to meet me
He's looking forward to meet me. He wants to talk
I
Mean just to go meet him like if I have to drive half the journey, I don't feel like I want to do
Well, you come to me but I already told him that I was not planning on driving, you know to him
He said that's when he said I have a car I can drive
Right, okay, you need to go on a coffee date
It's gonna be your first date, right
Yeah
He's driving that far. You have to do more than 45 minutes. I'm telling you it written
Yeah
so you
You need to be prepared for a cup of coffee and a cup of tea a cup of coffee and some ice cream if you like
Toast, I got something just tell me don't put them two together like that
How I ever I want you to go on the date and if he seems like a safe calm person
Go ahead and come out the app from texting
Let's make some face contact whether you want to a video chat or a phone call grab his voice
Put a date down for the coffee date and in the meantime talk to him verbally like he's ready for that. He's just that
Am I
What he said he said he's he's very open he said ask me anything, you know
I don't really want to question him. I can I do I can't do that
But I do he said you can ask me anything that you want to so you want me to challenge him to ask him things?
So well, that's how me and are maybe like whatever you want to know because they talk to women
They know women want to ask everything under the Sun
but you are not a woman that wants to ask everything under the Sun because you're not interested in those things because those things cause
You to be judgmental and me and you tell me too much. I'd be like don't tell me nothing like that. I'm gonna do
So I think staying on the surface
Let's plan a coffee day as quickly as possible not as far out as possible and going your first date
Post what you're gonna wear. Let us support you through it
I just want to see that break happen for you because once you get the first break, it just it just opens the door
So I know you may not feel comfortable. I want to encourage you to go for it. I'm gonna go for it. Okay
All right, uh guy
Okay
well, I'm talking I'm on
Several different apps I did
change my
age range
This week because so I'm 36. Most of my friends are 40 and above so I've normally date guys a lot older than me
and
Typically tend to date guys who have kids because I have dated guys without kids and in my experience
It's just been a different season. I have two kids and they're little and
So I've actually been talking to a couple guys who don't have kids and are a couple years younger than me and
It's actually been really kind of refreshing. I don't feel like they have as much
baggage and
So there's not a lot of guys I'm in Central, Oregon
Not a lot of Christians on the apps in Central, Oregon. It seems I got ARC, which is actually really cool
So I'm talking to guys that aren't
near me and
They're willing to do long-distance. I
Am very busy. I have my own business and
I'm in a leadership position. So I'm flexible, but I'm also not
I'm not a big fan of being in a long-distance relationship
not flexible, so I can travel, I like to travel.
I'm not a big fan of being in a long-distance relationship
I'm trying to talk to guys who are in cities
where I'm willing to travel to,
but I'm looking too far out.
I'm like planning everything out.
I'm like, well, I can't go like somewhere every week,
or I can't go somewhere more than every couple months.
So I guess I'm just trying to kind of, you know,
say I do end up really getting to like someone
who's long distance.
Like, am I to expect them to travel to me
more often than me to travel to them?
Does that make sense?
I mean, and I guess the answer might be
just if they're willing to do that.
I mean, we've been upfront about,
I've been upfront about my willingness to travel,
but just the extent of my travel.
So there isn't anyone that I've really keyed in on right now
we're gonna set up some FaceTimes this weekend
with a few of them.
So I haven't actually had a date with those guys yet.
Three of them have lived in Reading.
We went to the same ministry school.
So we have mutual friends in common.
We have-
Oh, you went to Bethel.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, cool.
The first year back.
Yeah, I lived in Reading for a while.
So I'm talking to guys who have either lived in Reading
or currently live in Reading.
And I'm in Reading pretty often too.
So I don't know.
I'm just kind of trying to navigate
like how far am I really willing
to date someone long distance
but there's not a ton of options locally.
I would like to meet someone local.
I don't know.
Okay.
So I think that if you're not able to meet someone local
and you're looking at someone long distance
I would say make your distance
about maybe two to three hours type long distance.
That's the thing about long distance.
You have to be upfront with yourself
because I think even if you talk to a guy who says
I'm gonna come to you most of the time
sometimes the weight of that expense
unless you're planning on sharing half of his expenses
can be like, maybe you'll feel some type of way
because he keeps coming to you.
And I just think that if you know
that you're not gonna be able to share that load
you already know you're not gonna do it.
Then it's not best to engage in that.
And not only to mention that long distance relationships
now they come with, it's a great sacrifice.
You're gonna spend more time talking.
You're gonna have to get to know each other
through FaceTime and talking.
And so, that's gonna be a reality, right?
And to get to know a person, you have to experience them.
And so, it's just already a stretch on you.
And so, the person that I get to date,
he's three hours away.
Even in that with both of us being school teachers
and me trying to go there,
I mean, it take three hours to get there,
three hours to get back, it take him to drive.
And you just kind of just be like,
I wish it was somebody that could just,
I can call and say, let's meet at the movies.
And so, let's grab a cup of coffee on Saturday morning.
And now that it's summertime,
we're trying to spend more time together
because you experience each other deep.
Experience matters, right?
So, yeah, I agree with you on that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, cool.
Well, I'm trying to do.
Do what you can to make happen.
Yeah, and my problem in the past
is I've ended up mothering guys
and I've ended up going too far
and giving too much of myself.
And so, I'm trying to keep a healthy balance
and not tip over the edge and say,
okay, I'll just, I'll spend all my money and come to you.
So, cool.
Thank you.
Oh yeah, guard yourself well.
You're doing this right.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Megan.
Hey.
So, I have been talking to a few guys.
There's one in particular I wanna focus on
for like questions and stuff.
But it was just, it was a little funny
because I was kind of between a couple guys.
One guy, the first one actually was closer in Austin.
I'm in San Antonio and I was feeling good about it.
The convo, he's like, I thought he was cute.
He's a Christian.
He's tall and I was attracted to him, all these things.
He ended up asking me on a date.
And so, I was excited about it.
And we were planning on going last weekend.
And then he had said that there was one thing
he wanted to share with me before we met.
And I was like, he said that kind of made me nervous
when he said that.
And basically, I don't wanna get all into like this.
I stopped it.
What's that?
It wasn't one.
The one you posted about he wears a diaper.
Yes, you read that?
I read it.
It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced. So basically, he just said
he used to wear diapers for longer than most kids and he like got over it. But he
like, still likes to wear them for comfort and security. And I was just like
my mouth dropped. I'm like, what do I do with that information? It was the
weirdest thing I've ever heard. And I've been on like the abs for a while. So I
just was like, Can I sleep on it? Like, I really didn't even know how to respond.
You know, I told him like, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Anyway, the next day
I was like, No, I really appreciate you being upfront about it. I just I that's
not something I'm like comfortable with. And so and he didn't respond. So I
decided I felt like it was that was an okay thing for me to unmatch. I started
to feel a little freaked out because I'm like, is he gonna try? Because he still
wanted to meet me after like divulging that info information. But I was like,
that is weird. It just kind of felt like psycho level, you know?
Weird.
Yeah, you would have been even more psycho if you had met up with him. I was
thinking it was a joke. I'm like, she's gonna follow up and say it was a joke
or no, it was for real. Like, it was Yeah, nuts. And so the funny thing is, I
was not talking that I felt like the convo was going better with him the
diaper. My friends started calling him diaper boy. And so I this other guy,
David, he's in California. And I was just like, I don't know, I wasn't sure
about it. I wasn't feeling as excited. And I like, almost went on a date with
the diaper boy and like, didn't, didn't give David a chance. And I'm like, I
can't believe that. So anyway, I was a god thing. I'm done. I'm gonna have to
read these comments later. Um, yeah, it's been actually pretty entertaining
with some of my friends as they've experienced this with me. So, um,
anyway, I was like, Okay, let me go back to David. And I'm like, Okay, no,
he's in California. And I'm just like, maybe it was a god thing that that just
cut off like immediately. So because that cut off, I started talking to David
more. So he's I'm 38 about to be 39. He's 36 in California. I felt like
there were some things like I did think he's kind of cute, but like he's
shorter, like he, he's an inch taller than me five, seven. And so I'm thought
about some of the talks like, okay, I'm kind of letting my ego go like go two
inches less than normal. And I feel like I was like, I want to give him a
shot because he's been very sweet and genuine and intentional. And so he's
already had said he would, he would come to meet me. And I was like, well,
let's do a video chat, you know, kind of get a vibe first. And it went well, I
was still I still feel like I was feeling it out. And so that happened
that Friday, it went well, though. And he's very spiritually mature,
emotionally mature. He told me like, he wouldn't be talking to me if he wasn't
interested. He's not really interested in a pen pal, like, and he would come to
meet me like, I honestly like all that. It feels very, you know, I appreciate
when somebody is direct and, and kind. And he's that way. It felt a little
overwhelming, because I'm like, I don't know if I'm ready for him to like, buy a
plane ticket and come here because it's just it feels I'm not used to the whole
long distance thing. It feels kind of high stakes for me. It's weird, like to
do this. You know, so I was like, well, let's like play day by day. And so we
were talking more and I don't feel this pressure from him. I felt like it was,
you know, natural. And I do feel like we have stuff in common. And like, he likes
to hike, I'm actually really into health and fitness. And I'm not really sure how
much he's into that. So the only like, they're very small hesitations about the
height and like, you know, the health and fitness. And that's just a big part of my
lifestyle, you know. But I was like, I told him I could chat again. I was like,
let's do you know, I'm free to FaceTime again, because he's, he's basically been
very clear with me that he's interested and
hold on, where does he California? Sorry. Okay, go ahead.
Yeah. So, um, then we talked again. And I felt like when we talked again, Sunday,
the attraction was growing. And I also feel like part of that is because he's
been so genuine and sweet. And, and then he you, you had said something about like
being nervous when they're when they think the girl's pretty, like he said
that to me, which was also just kind of, it felt all very genuine. And so he said,
you know, that when we talked before that I had to catch
myself, I was kind of like losing track just because I was
like, man, she's so pretty. And I was like, it just kind of was
like, it felt like a very genuine compliment. And so, but
then he said a lot of things about who I am as a person, just
like, like being sweet and genuine myself and like,
caring and all these things. So I feel like it's been really
positive. And then I so I think the attraction has grown and,
and I told him I'd be open for him to come visiting, come visit
to come visit me. And, and he said that he might not be able
to do till August. And I was like, I feel like that's kind of
far away, because he's got summer work. And he has this job
that's like, it's and he would want he wanted to, but he was
like, just realistically, and I and I mentioned that just from
some counsel, I feel like it's best to within three to six
weeks, I was like, I think that's too long, like too far
away. And so I was like, um, yeah, I just said it was too
far. And then he looked at his calendar. And he's like, Okay, I
think I can do July 12 week. And that's the one weekend. I was
like, well, that's, you know, I'm open. So anyway, there
hasn't been a, you know, confirmation yet, like that
he's bought the ticket, but we're still talking. And so I'm
actually starting to feel better about it. I think it's just
initially, I wasn't super excited. And I know, that's
okay. I just I know, I think it's growing a little I just I
sometimes am that way in the past. I've been like, I get
really excited. And so I know it can be kind of a slow burn. But
I don't want to be like, I want there to be some excitement. I
do feel like it's growing a little bit. And I think the
attraction piece is important. I know I can get a better feel in
person. And so that's why I would like that. But I do feel
like the FaceTime helps a little bit with the the feel of that.
So yeah.
Yeah, yeah, Megan. Um, well, that's interesting. You guys, I
want to tell you this. Sometimes when men pursue us, even though
we say this, we want we actually get afraid when they do. I've
done it, it was scared the heck out of you. And you'd be like,
what? Wait a minute, like, back up the longest you running
behind a man, you ain't got no problem. But as soon as a man is
intentional, and says what he wants, and what he's gonna do,
we'll be like, hold up, let's slow down. But it's the thing
we say we want. So if this was Hannah, Hannah would be glad if
that man would step up the way this young man, right, Hannah,
would you have liked this in your situation?
Let me say I normally actually do like I think because I had
those hesitations about maybe I was questioning some of the
attraction, but I think it's growing. So now I'm like, okay,
I do want him to. So yeah, I think I'm, yeah, it's still a
little overwhelming, though. I agree. Like, I don't know why
I'm like, I'm like, I think this is like, maybe stuff that I've
been praying for. So why am I feeling like hesitant? I think
some of it's maybe my ego. Like I, I'm used to taller guys, too.
And, and more athletic guys. And so but I think all the other
pieces are really like my friend was saying, it's like gold that
has he I've never really dated somebody as spiritually mature
as him. Like I felt this cover. I felt this covering over him
with like the spiritual maturity and emotional maturity. I'm
like, that actually is really different from my past. And I'm
really drawn to that. I think that's also drawing some of the
attraction as well. So I don't I'm starting I think the
excitement is growing. I just it is different about the long
distance thing. Like, it feels like a lot for him to come visit
me. But I, I, I definitely am open to it.
How long have y'all been talking?
Well, that was we had started talking like last week, we
actually met on arc two. And I had the same experience. I
didn't have a lot of local people on arc. But it came this
way. So y'all been talking about two weeks,
um, last week, and then this past weekend was the first video
chat. So about like, maybe 10 days or something like that.
Yeah, almost two weeks.
And so I'm excited for you guys to get to know each other. I do
want you to keep dating other people. And as you work your way
up to July, time is going to give you more time to get to
know him. Yeah. And so that's gonna be good for you. Yeah. And
so this is exciting.
Yeah, I think so too. I feel like it feels like a lot of
buildup before meeting somebody in person. So I wish it could be
kind of sooner. But he has told me to that he's wants to get to
know me. And I appreciate that. And so I think I'm growing in
that, okay, like, I want it to be this reciprocal thing. Like,
I want to be excited and want to get to know him. And I think
that's growing with me. So it's really sweet. And after my last
experience, I had somebody who was like, had a lot of anger
issues. And a couple of people from church recently, they're
like, you need a sweet experience. It was like,
I do.
Yeah, and so when he comes, I do want you guys
to kind of date in community.
Like, you go out with the group first.
Your first time meeting the person, you guys,
you know, something like that.
I think that'll be just safe.
As you, for a woman, I don't really care how long
you've been talking to him.
But you can grab some friends from church the first time.
It may not be something you're used to,
but just for your protection, because he's
going to be here more than a few days, right?
He's not coming if he comes for the weekend.
Maybe if you just had a group breakfast
first touchdown or a group lunch.
That's the first time you have community.
Make sure someone knows where you are.
Make sure that your tracker is on on your phone.
Yeah.
Like, these are, any time I go out,
my sister is always, I'm always connected.
She's always watching me.
I always call her when I get there.
And I'm 42 years old.
I call her when I get there.
I call her when I leave the restaurant.
And she's tracking me, and she's checking on me.
And so I know he is wonderfully spiritually,
as far as you know, of these 10 days.
Yeah.
Nothing to do with it.
He is a human being.
And so I want you to be safe.
And so that's how we operate in safety,
no matter who a person is.
I have been dating the same person probably
over four months now, and my sister still tracks me.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, well, and I feel like I was hesitant to, like,
initially, we started on Instagram with the FaceTime.
Then I gave him my phone number, like, especially
after the diaper boy situation.
Oh, Lord.
I got me kind of freaked out.
And I was like, because there were some talks on safety
on the online dating.
And I'm like, it made me realize, like, oh, safety is big.
Like, I can't imagine if I actually
met with that other guy.
So, like, it kind of just got me a little more hesitant
with being so quick to give my phone number, you know?
Yeah.
She can track you down more easily.
So, but I felt safer with him.
Yeah, nobody's going to track you down.
You can use a Google number, though.
Oh, that's true.
No, but, like, they were saying something,
I think, on the online dating.
If you give out your phone number,
they can find where you live or whatever.
But it made me think, like, with that,
with somebody I wouldn't trust, like that, the diaper boy,
I'm like, and he still wanted to meet me.
I'm like, oh, my gosh.
Yeah, that was weird.
Yeah, it was so weird.
But this guy, I felt safer.
Like, I'm pretty, I'm a pretty trusting person,
I think, typically.
But I think it made me realize I do
need to have, like, put my guard up
sometimes in certain situations.
Those are good, good tips.
Thank you.
You're welcome, Megan.
Keep us updated.
OK.
All right.
We'll do that.
Stephanie?
Thanks, Megan.
Stephanie.
Stephanie Davis.
Yeah, OK, Megan, again.
I just wanted to know.
Why are you laughing, Eboni?
Hey, girl.
I just wanted to find out if you could tell us,
because I don't know if you said it prior to with Art.
What are we getting from Art?
I mean, I'm on Art, but I stopped paying,
so I need to know.
Is there, like, a special going on for us as members?
What is going on now?
Did you sign up with Art through the link in the app?
Oh, no, I didn't before.
So I didn't know.
Look at Bethany's post.
And she said, like, she gave step by step
what you should do for Art so that you can sign up
through the Resources tab.
OK.
And that's how you're going to get the benefits.
And then when there's those speed dating
events that come up, then you're going to get
into those speed dating events.
So you may see Art posting something about them
as, like, advertisement.
But when it's time for the event to happen, you will know.
It just hasn't been time for it to happen.
That's the way it was explained to me.
I think, yeah.
Sorry, that's my son in the back.
Oh, no, no, no.
It was OK.
I got distracted because I wanted to see
if Bethany added something.
So she says she updated the original post today
to make it more clear.
The speed dating events aren't live yet.
Once they go live, you all can register or sign up for them.
We will let you know when they do go live.
Sorry for any confusion.
So some people are asking.
And we were talking about it today.
I asked her some questions about it for you all.
Because I saw some of the posts.
Huh?
No, I'm saying I do have the speed dating and the art.
Because with them now, I do go on them.
But I don't go as often.
Because again, it's kind of like finding someone in your area.
And most of the guys that want to date long distance,
they will tell you they don't want to do long distance dating.
They will let you know.
So it's kind of like most of them
will tell you when you go on it.
I just want to make sure I'm maximizing
what the resources we have.
So thank you kindly.
Oh, no, you're very welcome.
No problem at all.
If you guys do want to sign up for ARC,
make sure that you do it through the link.
That's how you're going to get that,
according to this post that Bethany made.
If you've already signed up for it,
she said there's no problem.
Just go back through the link on LYSF
and sign up again through the LYSF.
What were you saying, Lizzie?
Same thing.
So what was the answer to the premium?
So do we have access to that, or we don't have access to that?
Did you sign up through the app?
I did.
I clicked on the resources, and then I clicked on that app,
and that's how I signed up for it.
So I wonder if, let me ask that question specifically
to Bethany, if you guys get premium.
Because you're saying that you're still
not getting access, like you're just
getting the free part of it.
Is that right?
Yeah, I think so.
OK.
I'll specifically ask about, do you guys get,
when you use the affiliate link, are you supposed to get,
what are the special partnership benefits outside of speed
dating, right?
So you're trying to say, do we get like a month free
or something like that into the app?
OK, I'll figure it out.
I'll ask about that, and then I'll make a post.
Can I also ask one more question?
Yeah.
So remember, I put a post about me moving to Calgary.
There was this one person who did like me on our quiz
from Calgary.
But that's like a four-hour flight from here.
And I know you mentioned that I keep
dating for myself locally so that I can actually
go out on a date with them.
Would you recommend me even liking him back,
or should I just not do that?
Like, for now?
Not do that.
Got it.
Yeah, I want you to date.
I want you to get your coffee date.
I want you to date locally so you can have that experience.
I just signed up on Hinge, so we'll see what happens.
You're going to get a lot of likes
because your pictures are totally cute, and so are you.
So you don't have to worry about anything.
But I already have eight.
You know, when you first get on the app,
you be coming in hot, baby.
They put you in front of everybody.
So take advantage of it while they're rotating you a lot.
Sounds good.
Thanks, Ebony.
You're welcome.
Sarah says things that people are more
responsive on Hinge for her.
I've never been on Hinge before.
I always thought it was for young people,
and then I found out that it wasn't.
But I had opportunities, and my opportunities didn't pass.
So I want to take these responses back also
to Bethany about you not seeing any difference when
you sign up through the affiliate link
and when you do it regularly, you guys.
Sorry, I'm in the messages over here.
Oh, Sarah said, ARC, Holy, and other Christian dating apps
were like crickets.
I know ARC probably would be more than anything
because they just now trying to branch out into the US.
Someone asked about tips being safe when you get back out
into the dating world.
And one of the things I want to say is,
please do watch the online dating video
because they do have a lot of safety tips in there for you.
And you want to have somebody that knows where you are.
When I first started dating, you don't
have to do this is what I did.
I would take an Uber to the restaurant
because I dated locally.
And so that way, you couldn't track my car.
When you first get out into dating,
you're not as free flowing as somebody
who's been doing it for a while.
And so I was like, oh, I'll just take an Uber.
One time, one of my friends was with me,
and they sat across the restaurant.
Nobody knew they were there, but I felt safe.
And so that's how I did that.
And I only did that for a short little while.
And then, yeah, but someone's always tracking me.
My sister's always tracking me.
I have accountability.
I have a big thing for accountability in my life.
And that's in all areas.
And so I have a team of accountability people.
Even now with the wonderful guy that I'm dating,
when we go out on dates, we date in community.
Me and he selected two people from his church.
They have kingdom marriages.
And one or the other will go out to breakfast with us
or to lunch with us.
And so we get to have fun with them.
And they also get to mentor us and pour into us.
And then he's here.
I have people set up that I admire, some of my leaders
that we'll go out with and have lunch or dinner
or go bowling with, that they partner with us.
They mentor us and they pour into us.
And they're watching me.
They're watching my behavior, how I interact.
They're watching him.
And they're the eyes that I need.
Because after we went exclusive, it
was time to get introduced to my community
because now it's time for them to investigate.
Now it's time for the men in my life
to investigate, to see what I can't see as a woman.
And it's time for.
people to investigate me and you know how I'm showing up people who really know me know all
the things about me and how am I showing up you know so it is really good to do things in community
in this communities that's why we ask you to share run things by us um let someone help you
it's worth it because I'm telling you the first two months all of chemistry gets done
the way God set it up everything wonderful they so great they so generous they so kind they so
oh they so they so they so they so they so they so they so they so it takes time to get past the
day so and that's okay it's supposed to be that way God put it here for two people to attract
and then we also can't feel like the guy that I'm getting to know date that I like I wasn't
attracted to him but he had he was marriage-minded he was mature and he was masculine and he pursued
me and he pursued me well and so like there were qualities that I was I was looking for
that that were there and I said okay let me let me let me dive into this let me see what this is about
and so I I didn't feel no butter I didn't feel nothing for a very long time I don't move a lot
after feelings and butterflies because my butterflies have always been toxic they've
always been a toxic attraction there's always been something um and I am not a big even though
he's handsome I am people don't have to look a certain way for me as long as I look better than
them it's okay so I am not but no I've learned that really good things come in in different
packages sometimes and as long as you don't look like a crocodile or alligator everything okay
we're okay so I'm a little more lax but I've been married before and I know what's gonna cost you
in covenant I know what's not gonna pay out for me and so I just I just things that I know and
when you've not been on that side before you still live with a lot of fantasies about what you think
that life is like but when you get ever over there you realize that it takes communication
to sustain a marriage even if heaven itself put a stamp on it and said this is your man
you still gotta know how to communicate with that man you gotta know how to forgive you gotta know
how to show mercy and I'm telling you this is not because of you like height Megan all women like
six six feet tall me I don't care how tall he is if you can't respect that man you're gonna have a
problem in your marriage if you can't communicate you're gonna have a problem in your marriage and
you're a perfect little six feet tall man y'all gonna be finding yourself getting a divorce
because you don't have the capacity to do relationship and to do relationship well
okay how many times he can speak in how many times you can pray I don't care how spiritual you are
you have to know how to communicate you just do you can you can have all the anointing you want
you gotta know how to communicate you gotta know how to be vulnerable you gotta know how to do
these things you guys and so maturity is a must and that's what we're doing here so what the man
isn't there spiritually so that's a good question so I'm gonna answer our last two minutes if a man
isn't there spiritually there are scale there are also there let's say for lack of better there are
scales of maturity of spiritual maturity so you can't compare and say this person has to be like
me but do you know if this man is committed to being righteous see that's a whole nother that's
a that's a foundational thing that this person is committed to righteousness and so because it
doesn't take long for God to um mature a person is he teachable and men will shoot out they'll
grow faster than a woman because he has to lead his home right and so there's some things I do
want you to consider when we're talking about what if he isn't there spiritually if he's not
foundational and rooted grounded in Christ he's not the man for you you need a priest in the home
and he's not going to be the priest of your home and if he can't lead and he's not led by God and
he can't lead you you're going to take over and when you take over once you take over it's all
going down here right and so when we say levels of spirituality is he committed to righteousness
do you see the fruit of righteousness in his life is he teachable if you know that you're a
woman in ministry and you want to get this man don't believe in women ministering or this man
don't believe like well you know that ain't gonna work even if he's righteous like that's gonna go
against the design on your life does that make sense and so um like I said but if he you know
just stepping in the door he's you know depends on where you are spiritually too you know what
I'm saying you there there's a lot of growth that can happen
but if a person is not committed to the Lord that he's not the one for you and
it's gonna be a struggle if you're trying to be you you are gonna be his
pastor his wife with when you want to be because you can't be both and if he's
not submitted to a pastor before you came along he probably interested in
it that well I believe in God you know but I don't really go to church oh yeah
so what do you do then let me tell you something if if you don't have people
around you that are speaking God's truth encouraging you somebody is discipling
you who is it is it the TV is a social media is it the world's culture
somebody's discipling you who is it if you're not reading your Bible you ain't
worshiping you ain't going to church you ain't got no godly friends and who is
discipling you because at all times we were being discipled by something that's
just the way we're set up as people something is ministering to you something
is feeding you something keeps you fool that you're not hungry for the Lord
what's keeping you fool right and so if you're different denominations you just
have to determine how far are those denominations from each other so if
somebody's a seven-day Adventist and you charismatic you've already know
unless they trying to come up out of seven-day Adventist you probably ain't
gonna make it Mormons don't believe in Jesus so that ain't gonna work but they
say they do but then you that ain't gonna work now what other denomination
may you may have a hard time with you may have if somebody's Catholic and they
want you to convert over that may not work well for you all right if you're
not planning on converting over Baptist and Pentecost it'll be just fine it
depends on the heart of that person if they're hungry for the Lord I don't
think denominations aren't that big of a deal in a sense that when you're
talking about a person if they're operating in the fruits of the Spirit if
they're committed to righteousness now you may have a little complications
because you may want to go to a church is a little more charismatic and they
want to go to the church just saying them good old hymns then y'all gonna
have to say look because your husband can be righteous in a priest of his home
without going to your charismatic church he don't have to speak in tongues to be
righteous that's a gift okay so we want to be mindful about the a person can
speak in tongues and prophesy and not treat you right a man can speak in
tongues and prophesy and lay hands on a stick and they be healed and be cheating
on you and be beating you and mistreating you not know how to
communicate like these are real things that happen every single day they got
all kind of women I've been in leadership a long time and I've seen it
all but could be molesting their children and when they preach you feel
the Spirit and so we want to be fruit inspectors this is not to make you
afraid but I'm saying we want to we want to base things on the fruit that
people produce and not so much their denomination so yeah and Baptist not
always they get really rooted in the word and so yeah sometimes Baptist and
Pentecostal like you know all those things I think that um it just depends
on the person you know it really does I've dated people who are not like me in
some ways of spirituality um but there was solid people I have friends that are
solid people that aren't like me right but I can agree they can agree with me
in prayer and we can pray together they don't go to the same church I do but
they call me up like we got to pray for so-and-so you know and so I want you to
process it process that that way we want to be fruit inspectors who's super
sweet and you like to continue talking to him Amy he's a Baptist in your
Pentecostal the guy that you're dating he's super sweet is what you're saying
you can talk to a Baptist Amy go ahead it's okay I was talking to this Baptist
pastor one time but it wasn't gonna work out I told him you know in Mississippi
where I'm from at the black I mean it is black though it's a black Baptist
Church they expect the woman to be like the first first lady and all she does
sit there with a big pretty half a hat I told him I said baby I was born and
shaped in ministry I ain't gonna work out at that Baptist Church I'm too loud
I'm not your showgirl like I'm gonna lay some hands folk won't get healed around
ain't gonna work out me too bad in it me too i'm too old they gonna put me out
so ladies you guys have been amazing once again i don't want you guys to forget about our active
activation that we did at the beginning i want you to post about how it's going the plan that
you have for the next 10 days even if you do 50 days you know the 50 days are up there 40 days
so the next 10 days at least um let us know how your intimacy is going with the lord you're so
welcome um let's how let us know how it's going what aha moments are you having what's something
that the lord told you that morning he wanted you to do that you didn't expect some some surprise he
had waiting for you that you truly did enjoy um so in the meantime don't talk to any diaper boys
please do dodge them and i want you ladies to have a good night and i'll see you soon okay
good night all right thank you you're welcome thank you good night thank you love you guys
ebony thank you thank you you're welcome oh my god you guys are too funny