Hey! Hey, how's it going? I'm doing good, how are you? Good, good. How's, um, it reminds me of your
daughter's name. Right, Avea. Avea, A, how do you spell it? A-V-E-Y-A-H. Oh, so pretty, what does it mean?
Interesting, so I'll tell you the story behind it because there's a really cool story.
I didn't know I was pregnant, I didn't know that I wanted to have kids, I told you,
and then I had this dream that I was in the hospital, in labor, and gave birth to a baby
girl and named her Avea, and I hadn't thought of that name before, but that was my dream,
and I woke, it was so vivid that I woke up the next day and I thought,
I am gonna go do a pregnancy test because that was so real, and I've never done a pregnancy
test in my life, so I went to the store and got a couple tests just to make sure,
and I did one and it was positive, and I did another one that was positive, and I
ended up going to my doctor and she confirmed that I was like two weeks pregnant, so super new,
hadn't even missed a period yet, and so I said to my husband, you know, I've never heard this
name before, but if we have a little girl, can we name her Avea because that was my dream,
and then at the same time as I was kind of asking him about that, I looked it up online,
and it's not an easily found name because nobody really knows it, but it's a derivative from what
it said online of the name Avea, which means God is my father. Oh, isn't that cool? Yeah,
that is so neat to have a dream like that. Yeah, so I was like, I hope it's a girl, I hope it's a
girl, and it was really cool because yeah, God is my father, and then her middle name's Grace,
so Avea Grace. Yeah, that's lovely, how neat. Yeah, so I was my mom's first, and she didn't
know she was pregnant either, and she got up, she woke up one morning and just sick to her stomach,
so of course she went into the bathroom and, you know, threw up and all of that, and then came
and sat down on the floor, leaned back against the side of the mattress, the bed, and she was like,
oh, I don't know what's going on, why do I not feel good, and then all of a sudden she heard,
pray for the child within you. She's like, what? She didn't even know she was pregnant, so
that's how the Lord told her that I was going to be born, and funny thing is, they were going to
name me Nicole, Ashley, but then they thought that Nicole was too common of a name, and so they
decided to name me Ashley Nicole instead. Well, the funny thing is, is I was born in 1984, but
Ashley was the name, was the most popular name in 1985, so that was the whole reason why they
didn't name me Nicole, so anyway, but yeah, I go by Ashley Nicole for my business now,
but I think that that's pretty funny, and Ashley means dweller in the ash tree meadow,
and the ash tree is used as the tree to symbolize the mythological tree of life, and yes,
there's a real tree of life, but what I'm referring to about mythology is like Greek mythology,
where there's this tree of life that spans heaven and earth, that bridges heaven and earth,
and of course, there's truth in that, and you could figure out where they got that,
but the ash tree is what they use to symbolize the mythological tree of life, and Ashley also
means to rise from the ashes like a phoenix, and then Nicole means victory of the people,
so anyway, little did I know that I was being prophesied over about how the spirit would blow
into other people's lives, and about how to help people rise from, and know how to rise from the
ashes, you know, like a phoenix, and into
victorious living, you know, in the Lord. So anyway, it prophesied over me, thank goodness.
And then how the Lord uses me and speaks through my spirit into others. So anyway, that I that's
a lovely name. So okay, remind me the spelling one more time, a v, e, y, a, h, a, v, a, h.
Okay, because I whenever I hear somebody's name or say somebody's name, I always see
it in my head. It does not matter how long I've known them. If I see it in my head. So
I thought, okay, I need a spelling. So as a so I was just gonna ask you, that's how
we got started on this. It's gonna have house of a does she go down? Good. Have a good day.
Yeah, she's tired. We're both tired today because we went to the beach all day yesterday
and got a lot of sun. And then today, we were both just tired today. So yeah, she went
down. Okay, for sure. She's, she's pretty good. We have had a routine for bedtime for
so long that she's good at bedtime. She's a good kid. Most of the time she is. Yeah,
I know. She is sweet. So how have you been since we visited? We've been visiting a little
bit of Marco Polo. But yeah, no, you left a really great message. I started taking notes
about halfway through. And I'm going to go back and to the beginning and take more notes.
But you know, it's interesting. I take a lot of notes when you speak. And I noticed that
I don't do that very often unless I find something really profound. And then I'll take notes
or I'll record a conversation if I'm talking to somebody who has things to say that are
really profound. And so I find a lot of the things you say are obviously God breathed
they're from scripture. But they're interesting concepts because they're things that I have
not explored before in that way. Like I haven't in ways that are just different, just different
from what you do. So anyway, it's been really interesting. You know, there's so much more
to my story that you don't know. And so it's just interesting to listen to you teach because
I feel like a lot of things are coming together.
Well, that's exciting. Well, the Lord is the one who obviously always knows and just following
leading for your life and where he wants you to and you know, friends he wants you to meet
or ways who just wants to talk to you is it was fun to watch that that path and, you know,
in the physical, we wouldn't have heard those stories or none any of those things in the
spirit, you know, all of those things. So that's neat. Yeah. Okay. Well, did you have
any, any questions or anything you wanted to start out with? Or? And how's that? How's
been watching the sessions been going?
They've been good. I've watched seven.
Oh, wow.
Eight.
That's great.
Where am I on now? Maybe I was on I watched the tree of life versus the tree. That's seven
or six.
I think it's seven.
The three realms is eight. And then I'm guessing the purpose of journey and business with God
and rest is nine. Okay. Okay. I'm guessing I'm probably you because I had it up. I don't
know where it is. But anyway, I so I've watched, I watched the number I watched number one
and then I got your message and I started at number seven. After when, or was it I feel
like I'm holding on a second. I feel like I am going to be a lot more clear about what
I'm talking about if I can figure this out. Okay, so I'm at 24 minutes. I just want to
check this because I was watching one of them. I just want to find out what the what they
were. I got to go to units. Okay, so watch the love affair. Number one. Then I went to
session six one with God. Oh, okay. Yeah. Good. Because I think that's what you one
with God. Is that the I'm wondering if it's this one because I was when I started making
my notes, I didn't realize I was going to make so many. And then I so now I've got a
format for them, but I didn't. Oh, wow. So I can't remember if I made these notes from the
Marco Polo or if I made them from like I can
I marked done with the ones I had finished, so I know that I've, I know which ones I finished.
So okay.
So I, yeah, so I did one with God, two trees, three realms, and now I'm in business, forming
in rest.
Oh, okay.
So yeah, so I had some, I was sort of jotting down some questions as I was reading or watching.
Sorry, I'm so tired.
I feel like I'm not really on my game as I usually am, so you get to see the raw version
of me, which is fine.
I don't mind.
That's the best version.
I know.
Those are, these are the times when if I didn't have like something to do, I would have been
like, I'm okay just being by myself today, because you know, when you're really tired.
Yes, yeah.
The introversion.
But I, yeah, exactly.
So anyway, I was looking at, so I'm just read what I have here so I can, okay, so I go deep,
as you know, so just be prepared.
It's what I love.
Take a deep breath.
So I, when I grew up, I, my mom is very sensitive to this, so I pick a little bit of it up from
her, because this is her big question with giving her life to the Lord, and she hasn't
yet, really.
But when I was growing up, we lived in a neighborhood where Paul Bernardo, I don't know if you know
that name, he was kidnapping girls around where I lived.
And he was, he's a notorious like killer, kind of like a Jeffrey Dahmer type of killer,
like very notorious for what he did, it was awful.
So my mom is totally invaded by a spirit of fear, and she's in total bondage, and my husband
and I know that, and we're trying to be as sensitive as we can with her, but it's difficult
to be around her sometimes.
And the question I have is around your, you know, protection and provision is a state
of existence, and I get that, but what about people who are in that space, and they have
terrible circumstances?
So my mom will often say, well, where was God when these girls were being kidnapped
and tortured?
And I think in that situation, like, if I was in that situation, I could be, I could
go, okay, God's my protection and my provision, but in that situation in life, I am not actually
being protected and provided for, in a sense, physically.
And it's awful, what some people have to go through when you think about persecuted Christians
and stuff like that.
So it's a similar thing, like, how do you address something like that?
So, um, yeah, this is what I was going to talk about.
I wanted to do a live teaching about the, about this idea, because I mentioned it to
you, and I was like, oh, wow, this, you could just really impact this a lot more.
So the answer isn't what makes us feel necessarily comfortable, but it is honestly what I believe.
And so when we are protected, when, so it's a state in which we're existing, meaning that
it's, that it's when we're operating out of, we're coming into agreement with what
God says is true, that, and we operate in the spirit.
So remember what we were talking about in the three realms, in the spirit realm, the
soul realm, and the body realm.
So think of it kind of like courts.
And I think that I may have mentioned that in the teaching, I'm not sure, but think of
it kind of like a court, kind of like a, like a local court, a state court, or let's just
say it's state court, federal court, and the Supreme Court, well, whichever court that
we appeal to, in other words, whichever way in which we determined by our words that we
want to frame up our world, because there are laws that operate in each one of those,
whichever laws that we're appealing to as being true in our lives, and that we're wanting
to utilize to our advantage, they will also be utilized to our, and be used by other people
to our disadvantage.
So every, all of that stuff works.
In fact, I just got off of a Spiritual Warfare Live, in which I talked about this.
Yeah, I tried to watch the first one, and I couldn't, so I ended up not being able to
watch the second one, but I will eventually.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I actually deleted the first one because it cut me off in the middle of the live, so
I just started all over.
Okay.
Yeah.
But anyway, so whichever court that we appeal to is the court whose verdict that we're going
to take.
And it's fine when it works for our advantage, but then when it works against us, then we
have to bear the consequences of that as well.
Let me give you an example, say for instance, okay, well, let me just use the example that
I used in the spiritual warfare slide, that in order to know all of that, in order to
actually just battle in spiritual warfare, there's all of these laws that we need to
know.
All of these ways, all of these laws that the Lord created by which the spiritual realms
work and by which we have to battle, so to speak, in the spiritual and do battle against
Satan, et cetera, et cetera.
And there's whole deliverance ministries, et cetera, that spend their lives trying to
learn all of this information.
And there's just no end of learning to it.
It just goes deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper, and it's just extremely
complex.
And so what people are always trying to do is they're always trying to learn more than
Satan, learn more than God, learn enough to be able to use something for their advantage.
And anyway, so if you can know something in order to battle Satan in a particular moment,
then hey, that's great, and it worked for you.
But what if we decide, okay, yeah, spiritual laws and learning all of that stuff is the
way to go, but then we find ourselves in a situation in which we don't know enough, and
he knows more than we do, and then we lose.
We lose in that situation because we had chosen that that is the world that we're, that that
is the court that we're going to appeal to.
So we take whatever verdict comes from the bench, and if we decide, okay, I have to use
law.
I have to use these laws.
I have to know all this stuff in order to be able to wield it and be able to fight Satan.
Okay.
We've learned enough laws to be able to battle him in this situation, but in this other situation,
we didn't know as much as him, and we lost, and we suffered the consequences because that's
the world that we appear to appeal to.
So if we choose to operate, however, in the spirit, we're above everything.
Everything is that we're in Christ.
Everything is below his feet, and therefore, everything is below our feet, including Satan,
and therefore, we don't need to know anything in order to overcome him, et cetera.
We don't have to know all of that knowledge because there's a reason why the tree of knowledge
of good and evil is called the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
According to this tree, in order to provide for or to protect ourselves, we have to know
a lot of things.
According to the tree of life, we don't have to know anything, essentially.
We don't have to in order to have the spiritual laws and physical laws obey us.
We don't have to know anything.
We just abide in the father, and we're guided by his spirit, and we operate according to
the power and the authority that he's given us as sons and kings of God.
So we're over and above all of these things, and we don't have to learn them.
So I just wanted to explain that about the three realms and the courts just really quick.
It's like appealing to a different court.
Which court do we want to choose to appeal to?
Because we get all of the wonderful benefits and also the cons of appealing to the different
courts.
Of course, in the spirit, they're all positive, except for the fact that sometimes we feel
like we want to be in control, and we have to choose that God is the one who creates
our results.
And we just have to rely on and rest in him, trusting that he's always going to provide
for and protect us.
My point in saying all of that is if people live in fear, if people have appealed to a
court way down here, or if they've appealed to the one in the soul or whatever, and they
believe that they have to provide for and protect themselves by all of the things that
they know, well, in order to be safe in my neighborhood, I need to do these types of
things in order to, and it's risky to do these other types of things, etc.
Even if it didn't have anything to do with the neighborhood, even it has to do with,
I don't know, just going to the grocery store, or it didn't have to do anything necessarily
with this exact example that we're talking about.
It can be just this way in which they believe that the world works, is my point.
If they believe that there are horrible, awful threats against them, and that they're subject
to them, then they will be subject to them when those things come up based on other people's
choices and effects and their free will.
and then go ahead.
Yeah, sorry.
I was just gonna say like, I get that part,
but what if somebody is actually in a situation like that?
Like they're in a situation where they're being persecuted
or they're like, they're not living in fear of it,
but they find themselves kidnapped.
They find themselves in a situation
where they're being persecuted and tortured or whatever.
Then what?
Yeah, so that was the other thing
that I was going to mention.
And this one is really, really challenging
and really difficult for us.
And there's this, I do not fully have an answer for you,
but this is the closest that I understand
based off of my personal walk with the Lord.
Like literally what I am walking out on my own life.
And that is the fact that it doesn't matter
what the environment looks like.
The environment does not tell me whether or not
I'm protected and provided for.
God doesn't need something outside of me
and outside of himself in order to provide me
with protection, provide me with provision.
And those things are not actually a threat.
Now, yes, they are a threat to my body.
They're, depending on what it is,
it can be a threat to my soul,
but it's not a threat to my actual identity.
And so, yes, those things are terrible,
that they would happen to me and to people.
I've had things that happened to me,
not that kind of a thing,
but ways in which we're beset against,
and we have to choose that no matter what it is
that's going on,
no matter what kind of attack that's coming against us,
no matter what situation in which we're finding ourselves,
that if God says that something is true, then it's true.
If God says that he's providing for me
and he's protecting me, then it's true.
And it doesn't matter what the world says,
that, oh, if you're in this situation, you're not protected.
If someone is physically hurting you,
you're not being protected, you're not being provided for.
It's that much of a mindset shift.
And I know that what I'm saying does not make sense
in the world in which we live.
That's why the things of the spirit are foolishness,
it says, to seem foolishness to human logic.
We trust that if God says it's true, then it's true,
and it doesn't matter what the wind and the waves are saying.
It does not matter what the environment is saying.
And I know that that's very drastic.
I mean, drastic, I know that that sounds drastic.
I know that that's not the answer that we want,
because think about it also from this perspective,
is what other answer, and I'm not challenging you with this,
I'm just mentioning that,
what other answer would you imagine that there would be
if there is a world, if the world exists as it currently does
where bad things happen?
For instance, here's a really good example.
Christians are martyred all over the world.
Peter, talking about where was,
we talk about little girls being taken and raped
and whatever, and we just think it's horrible.
Let's remember how the disciples died.
Peter was hanging upside down.
I don't remember which disciple it was
that was actually, had skin peeled from his body.
John, the beloved, was put in a pot of oil to be boiled,
and he survived.
I don't know how that happened, but anyway, he survived.
All of the disciples were, now, he survived,
and of course, he was put on the Isle of Patmos,
but anyway, all of the disciples were put through
horrible, horrible things, and they walked with Jesus.
They knew him, and they wrote books in the Bible
and all of that, and we could say,
well, see, Jesus didn't protect them.
Jesus didn't provide for them,
and what we always have to believe is that,
no, if God says it's true, it's true.
Jesus was crucified on a cross.
He was, and we could talk all day about,
yes, but that was on purpose and whatever.
Well, why would Jesus' be on purpose and ours not be?
Well, Jesus willingly gave up his life and all of that.
Well, does that mean that just because Jesus
willingly gave up his life, God's like,
okay, well then, I'm not gonna protect you,
and I can provide for you anymore.
You are on your own.
There are always all of the disciples in Jesus,
and they choose to be so,
are always in a state of existence
in which they were being provided for and protected,
but what that looks like in the earth
is very different than the way that we've interpreted
what protection and provision looks like.
If God says that we're protected and we're provided for
in the spirit, then it's true,
but what we do is we're constantly.
holding God against how it manifests as to whether or not
he's providing for or protecting us.
It's not the answer that we want to hear
based off of the fact that we're always looking down here,
where I was looking at Yahweh.
Lord, is that really protecting me
if I was kidnapped and raped?
I mean, seriously, it's not only even where were you,
it's like, is that protecting and providing for me?
We can't reconcile the two.
And I don't mean that the raping is the protecting
and the raping is the providing
and it's the manifestation of it.
I just mean, we're always in a state of existence
in which we're being protected and provided for.
And I didn't say that, God did.
But I'm having to walk this out
because even for me, I'm like,
Lord, all of this sounds great in theory.
When you and I are talking on Zoom
and I'm very comfortable in my home
and you're very comfortable in your home,
but when something happens,
all of a sudden, all of these great theories get tested.
So I'm very, very much aware of what it is that I'm saying.
And there are things that God is constantly
in my maturation in walking with Him.
There was even stuff I was going through this week,
technically even, I was yesterday, oh my word,
yesterday and the day before,
and really for several days,
but it was like really,
it just kept building and building and building.
And I was like, okay, Lord,
you say that I'm protected and provided for,
but in this situation,
I'm trying to not be afraid.
I'm trying to not doubt you.
And I shouldn't say the word try,
but it was like, okay, Lord,
I'm choosing to believe if you say
that I'm provided for and protected, then I choose you.
You say I'm provided for and protected, I choose you.
I don't see how in the way that the situation
is manifesting, Lord,
that I'm being provided for and protected,
but the wind in the waves is threatening
to tell me something different than what you're saying.
So if there's a dichotomy, I'm choosing you, period.
Can I ask you?
He's maturing me in that.
Can I ask you?
Yeah.
Can I ask you what it was?
Yeah, that was, what was that?
That was in something that has been,
well, the particulars aren't something
that I'm actually able to share,
but it is something that has been going on for a while
that God keeps delaying.
Well, I say God keeps delaying.
He finally provided for it, by the way, yesterday,
but the provision to me didn't look like provision.
To me, it looked like delaying it.
It just got pushed.
I'm like, well then, Lord.
So in other words, the pressure wasn't right now,
it's later.
And I'm like, Lord, it's still not being dealt with.
And I'm like, Ashley, that is not true.
God, even God moving it is him providing for it.
And even God moving it is protecting you.
But I realized that what it was that I,
why I still didn't like the delay of it,
instead of just squelching it
and just dealing with it right then,
he made it like not so much of an impending threat,
because he shoved it out a while.
I was like, oh my word, Lord, but it's still there,
so I don't have to face it now,
but I'm gonna have to face it later.
And then I remembered, Ashley, you can't think like that,
because if he moved it out,
the reason you're worried is the fact that,
is because you think that,
that you're going to have to go from now until then,
trying to have faith and that you,
that God is love and that God is good
and that he's so much love and he's so much good,
that he is going to provide for and protect
and take care of you in the problem,
when right now you don't see it.
So in other words, it's drawing out
the amount of time in which I have to trust him.
That's why I wasn't happy.
I was like, okay, Ashley, you can't do that.
God's still provided for and protected me,
even though to me, it just looks like a delay.
And like, yeah, but God, you didn't squelch it.
So I'm afraid that it isn't such
that I can share the particulars,
but I could share like that much.
And it's something that's been going on for a while
and it still just didn't get resolved.
And in fact, it felt like it was just getting bigger.
And it's getting delayed and getting bigger
and getting delayed and getting bigger.
Is it your personal life?
Yeah, yeah, it's my personal life, yeah.
And the thing is that people don't know.
That's another thing that's hard.
People don't know because God's told me to rely on him
and not to allow other people to be aware of the situation
that I'm in and that I'm dealing with.
Because he's like, no, Ashley, you are,
I am your provision.
No one else needs to know because they are not,
if they're the way,
if they're gonna provide you some emotional support
or whatever through this issue.
then I will choose to provide it through them.
But you don't go seeking it outside of me.
He doesn't always do that,
but he's doing that in this situation.
So I had to ask him.
And I'm sorry, what was your question?
Oh, actually, you might've answered it,
because I was like,
I don't know, I don't know how to say this.
I guess because I'm a really open person
I felt like you were really open as well.
And so when this was something personal about you,
I was like, I wonder why she's choosing not to share it.
Is it like a court case or is it like,
so I'm wondering all these things
because I thought for me, it helps me to,
when you're talking about it in an abstract way,
it's a little trickier for me to grasp what you're saying.
So I guess I just went through this personal thing around,
oh, how come she can't share it?
So I think you kind of answered that.
Okay, yeah.
No, I mean, my family doesn't know.
I mean, it's one of those things where,
and they're where God has just been very selective
with me on this issue,
because there's something he's trying to teach me.
He's teaching me how to rely on him.
And by me telling other people,
he was saying, Ashley, in this situation,
you will actually make it harder for yourself
to trust in me because you're letting other people know.
And I want you to take advantage of this situation
to really truly rely on me and have faith and trust.
So it's just something, I'm actually a very private person.
I'm very transparent, but I'm very private.
But there are certain things, especially like this,
that are, that the whole point of them
is something the Lord's trying to teach me
about how to rely on him.
And I can't, and if I'm struggling in an area
of not relying on other people, he's like, okay, Ashley,
we're going to remove other people from the equation
so that you really truly rely on me.
So I'm sorry, it's nothing personal.
Oh, no, no.
This is something between me and the Lord
because he understands it's an issue for my soul
and he's trying to work on my soul.
You know what, I get that because I had a situation
like that recently that I felt him say the same thing to me.
I had a lot of people in my life who had walked me
through this very difficult situation that I went through
for the last three years, like insanely difficult situation
that I haven't told you about yet,
but it almost did me in, like it was bad.
And so there was part of that situation coming
at the tail end of it that I really felt
that I needed to do, and I felt like God
was allowing me the space to do it,
but it was, it felt weird because it was like,
I was supposed to do it on my own.
I was supposed to only do it
if I wasn't going to tell anybody about it
and I wasn't going to go through the process
of unpacking it with anybody,
which is what I would always do.
So I didn't tell my husband.
I didn't tell, like, I see a therapist,
I didn't tell her, I didn't tell anybody.
One friend actually asked me about it
and she just came out with a question,
so I didn't want to lie to her,
and I just kind of said to her,
same thing that you just said,
I feel like God has asked me to keep this just to myself
and that I've needed to just work on this,
but just on my own to work through it
and not talk to anybody about it,
not regurgitate the information or ruminate over it,
but just to be, I needed to get
to a place of clarity around it.
And I knew that if I was just with him,
I would gain more clarity than if I went to other people
who all are strong Christians who want the best for me,
who have great insight,
but I just knew that I wasn't supposed
to tell anybody about this.
And I thought, at some point it could come back to me
and somebody might find out,
but at this moment,
I just felt like it was exactly very similar
to the situation you're explaining.
It was just between me and him
and he was trying to teach me
that I could make a choice
without getting advice from other people.
I could unpack it with him and not with other people,
which other people would gladly give me their two cents,
but it wasn't about that.
It was about me trusting him.
So I absolutely understand, yeah.
So when you said that, I was like,
oh yeah, I get that for sure.
I also understood, yeah.
Yeah, I know. I've actually thought a lot about this recently. I'm like, oh my word,
I think this would help people in the rest of them so much. Because I'd understand when
I'm talking about things like, I'm talking about extreme situations that were fully sustained
in by abiding in him and that his character can fully, his character can fully sustain
this in all situations. And we can't throw something too big at him where it would crumble
and the support system would vanish. And so I thought, oh, it would be great if they could
know that I'm doing this, that if they could hear about it while I'm going through it,
as opposed to hindsight 2020 and, oh my goodness, I've already went through this. No, no, no.
That they could see me while I'm doing it so that they could be encouraged because otherwise
it can sound like that they're sharing their stuff with me and they don't, and they see
me like, say, oh yeah, I've done that. And I've been there before, but they don't understand,
but they're like, yeah, but what does Ashley look like when she's in the middle of it?
You know, I thought this is a really good opportunity. And I was like, no, like, okay.
I keep asking him though. I was like, are you sure? I just asked him again. So anyway,
so far it's been a no. Like I said, my family doesn't know. My friends don't know.
Yeah. No, I get that for sure. And at some point I will share, not that part of the story,
but I will share the three years of story when the time's right. I've kind of gone through this
period lately of contemplating vulnerability because I have historically been not a very
vulnerable person. Then I went into the extreme other side of it through this torturous situation
that I went through. And I was so vulnerable that like, I just, everything was spilling out.
But it was, it was really, it was really messed up. So it was a good thing, but now I'm like the
pendulum swinging back into the middle of what is, what is a healthy amount of vulnerability?
Because that amount of vulnerability was coerced and it was not healthy. It was not for my benefit
as much as it was for other people's benefit. So I am sort of trying to figure out the happy
medium between being vulnerable and sharing parts of my life with people and also not sharing too
much. Cause I've, I noticed I get vulnerability hangovers where the next vulnerability hangovers.
So like I'll get off a call or the next day I'll wake up and be like, Oh my God. I love it.
A vulnerability hangover. That's great. I love it. I can use that. That's what it feels like.
So I, like even one of our calls, one of the Marco Polas I left you, I noticed I had a
vulnerability hangover the next day. Cause I'd said something to you and I was like,
why did I say that? Like, that was, I started to kind of come down on myself about it. And,
and then I was like, okay, God, like, does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?
Like who cares? It's not a big deal. She's going to think what she's going to think and whatever
it is, it's going to be that. And it's not based on me. It's based on her, right? Like my opinion
is not based on you. Right. Yeah. So I kind of worked on that and it gave me another opportunity
for that, but I noticed that's something that I do. I get, I do still have a bit of a concern of
what other people think. So I, I'm in this weird space where I'm just not sure how much to give
and how much to keep back. Yeah. Well, you know, it's we just listened to the spirit. So what does
the, are we, you know, in the moment that we, and that we don't operate by our soul of what is it
that I want out of this situation I'm with so-and-so what, what do I want to pull from the
situation so that they, what do I desire to, how do I desire to trigger or manipulate the situation?
I understand those are very negative, quantitative words. And so I'm not saying that we actually
think that negatively in them, but sorry, I might, I'm hoping that my dog doesn't. And
my friend just pulled back into you.
left for a second, she pulled back in. So hopefully my dog will not bark. If she
does, I have the remote and I am ready. So anyway.
You turn the dog off with the remote? Is that how it works?
What did you say?
The remote turns the dog off and stops the dog from barking?
Basically, yeah. So she, I took her, that was a very
special gift that the Lord gave me to allow her to go to obedience
training for two weeks. It was a two-week boarding school training,
board and train. And I am so pleased. She did so good.
And she's 10 years old, so she's 70. And she, you can't,
old dogs can't learn new tricks.
That's awesome.
She did really good. I know, she did really good.
Okay, so let's see if I can remind myself.
I don't know, I can't see her yet.
Okay.
So I'm going to go ahead and come back with, like, I gotta be prepared.
Okay.
So we're being vulnerable. So it's important that we don't think, okay,
so.
I have a desire of something that I want to get out of this situation.
I desire them to either.
Feel better about themselves,
which is why I'm choosing to be vulnerable and like commiserate like,
You know,
I'm being able to talk about this stuff with them whenever and wherever.
We could have that,
that kind of an agenda, something that we desire to get out of the
situation. Again, all of this can be from a very.
God, what we think of is very Godly perspective.
Oh, I desire to help someone,
or we could desire to be getting help for ourselves.
I desire for them to, for so-and-so to think such and such about me,
that we can be helpful to them.
And I think that if it's important that we,
that the more and more that we operate.
In rest, the more important that we,
the more often that we operate in spirit.
And we remember our identity and remember who it is that we are.
They're less likely that we are to be open and vulnerable.
Where we regret it later.
And so, you know,
I think it's important that we remember that in the moment.
We were sharing it because we had a particular.
Outcome that we were trying to get from having said the thing.
That we were trying to get for ourselves. I want to feel loved.
I want to feel connected with, I want them to understand.
I want them to maybe they'll have advice for me, maybe, but whatever.
I want to feel loved. I want them to feel connected.
I want them to feel connected.
I want them to feel that we are.
Abandoned alone and protected and provided for.
And we're trying to use the situation to get something for ourselves.
Then that if we are vulnerable, because we're doing that,
we can often have.
Hangover.
You know, later we can often have that, that regret.
So what I have learned to do is just to look,
just sense the spirit in the moment.
And I can do that by saying, okay,
I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that.
Or do I feel any, any.
You know, any spiritual, spiritual, not soulish,
but a spiritual draw to say, or to open up in a particular way.
Then I just do my, do my best.
In this situation,
what I think that the spirit is saying is think the spirit is doing and
then do what you did, which is.
Just let it lie. Just let it be there.
And I think that, you know,
that's what I've learned to do.
And I think that's what I've learned to do.
So I determined that even after the fact, okay, God, I,
I believe that maybe I quote unquote messed up.
I quote unquote, I, I am.
I believe that I was trying to get something out of this situation,
believing that I wasn't provided for you.
Weren't going to protect me or whatever.
And that's why I was doing it.
Oh, sorry. Here.
Here she comes.
No, stay.
Hey,
I just held held the thing down, which lets her know, Hey,
there's no reason to be afraid.
Training.
She has a really, really sweet dog, but she's, she, she,
I believe that she was abused before she came.
And, and, and so she got hurt.
I don't think we have any more questions.
I didn't even read your note. Did you need something?
We sure.
Sure. Yeah.
The spicy chicken sandwiches.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Sorry. She's going to grow grab us and, and.
In the supper.
Anyway, so that.
And so I didn't want you to be worried that, that, um,
Oh, no, it's all good.
Sorry. Okay. So she's leaving. I didn't want you to be worried that, uh,
cause I other take other people's confidence, you know,
and all of these calls very, very quickly. So if, if people can hear me,
they can't, I make sure that they can't hear that.
They don't know like what on earth someone could have been asking you're
talking to me. In other words, I don't have specifics. This is just,
just general stuff that I'm saying.
And then they can't hear what other people are telling me.
So I just wanted to let you know that I'm very careful about that.
Is she, um, is she a friend of yours or a client that you're staying with?
Yeah, no, she's a friend. She's like a big sister to me.
She's my mom's age, but she's single. And so we, we just,
we just act like sisters though.
Oh, that's cute. I love that. Yeah. I, um, you know, it's funny at the,
the place where I said what I said was at the end,
close to an end of a Marco Polo, like tempted to,
I got this feeling of, yeah, but I'm like,
I just talked for like 10 minutes. I'm not going to delete it all now,
but I'm like, how do I backtrack and say,
yeah, but then I, yeah, yeah. You just let it go.
Yeah. I just let it go. Unless I feel something very, very heavy on me.
If I felt something very heavy and where I believe that it's actually in my
spirit, not my soul, not my soul. That's afraid,
but my spirit that actually, um, that, that it's convicting me,
I'll delete the Marco Polo. I've done that. Um, but if it,
if it's just kind of like something like, um, oh, well, I'm not really sure.
Oh, I don't know about all that. For me personally, I just let it go.
And I'm just like, okay, Ashley, just rest. It's all okay.
You know, I, um, I, because again, I'm appealing,
I choose to appeal to this court, not to be,
I choose that God, uh, that, that God and, um,
in his will, um, I'm choosing that.
I allow his will to pervade every area of my life and that it all is going to be
okay. And that he's going to work everything out, out for good. And,
and as opposed to me trying to, um,
manipulate everything, Oh, I said something, I did something. So let's,
let's delete it. Let's control the situation. Let's whatever. Yeah. Uh, anyway,
it all goes back to the, the, um,
whether or not I believe that what God says is true and I'm operating out of my
identity and the spirit, or I believe that I'm alone abandoned and I'm, I'm,
I'm afraid. So as, as to what it is that I shouldn't, shouldn't do.
And even if I do operate down here, I'm just like, well, you know,
it'll all be okay. I've done that a lot.
Oh, it's just insane that a lot of times I've noticed that I will say something
that I thought was wrong or messed up or, um, like my lies,
my teaching lies, I, my teaching lies that I have in there,
the ones that you're listening to in the rest intensive,
I thought that this weren't good enough to keep up, um,
for other people to watch. And so I tried to redo them, um,
few months ago and they just turned out awful and everyone, and not everyone,
but several people said, yeah, this weren't as good as the first ones.
I was like, really? Cause the first month I just thought was really that those,
you know, just weren't good enough. And I,
and I messed up in there and I went on all of these rabbit trails and I did
this and I was just tearing it apart. And, um,
but what I wasn't giving it credit for is the fact that I was blowing in the
spirit. And,
and so when I tried to create videos that,
that with them and, uh, and thought, okay, I have an agenda.
I did it out of the soul and the,
the spirit of them was just lost.
And so I scrapped all of the new videos,
kept the old ones and put them up permanently. But anyway,
yeah. Um, no, that's, that's interesting. I love that. And, uh,
I cannot remember what I was going to say in response, but,
um, anyway,
yeah, I'm just, I kinda, Oh, I know. I was going to say, it's like,
in your picture, it's almost like above the veil and below the veil,
you know, like the spirit is above the veil and then everything else is below.
So it's like, are we operating above the veil or below the veil?
It's just kind of like, that's the way I look at it. Um,
I think in pictures and you draw pictures,
which is fantastic because that's the way I think. Um, yeah.
I wanted to ask you, what is it's a type in a shadow mean?
Oh, it's, um,
it's not in Hebrews where it talks about the things of earth are types and
shadow.
Yeah, I don't have a way to look it up right now, but yeah, if you just Google something
like types and shadows as scripture or something like that, it'll tell you the reference and
it talks about the fact that, that, that creation is the things that are, are in creation, whether
they be laws or whether they be actual physical, tangible things or ways that, that things
or, or, or people relate to one another, all of those things are types and shadows of what
is actually true and real in, in the spirit.
So say for instance, the temples of the temple on earth was a type in shadow of the house
of God and the way that the house of God works in the visible realm.
And we don't mean that there, and it doesn't mean that there's actually a temple in the
heavenly realm that looks that has like this outer court and center court, and we're going
to be able to like walk through it.
It means that the spirit, that this principles that operate within abiding in God and interacting
and us interacting with each other and us being able to approach the Lord and all of
that operates like we could, like in the physical realm, there was an outer court and you walked
from the outer court into an inner court, and then there was the table of shoe bread
and there was the altar of incense.
And then you walk through a veil in order to see the Ark of the covenant and those were
all just physical pictures of actually something that we don't, that can't, that there is no
physical picture or representation that there is no physical, physical thing in the spirit
realm.
And so it gives us something, it makes something that's invisible, visible for us to at least
grasp an idea of that's what it means by type in the shadow or like Aristotle's was it Aristotle
or was it Plato's, the cave, do you remember him talking about the cave where all of those
men were lined up looking at the, at the shadows, but then they go out and they see the real
thing.
That's what it is.
It's like, okay, well, we think that that shadow is the duck, but it's not actually
a duck and the spirit, it's three dimensional and it's technicolor and it's, you know.
Yeah.
Cool.
No, I made some notes there.
So I have a personal question for you.
I am super curious.
This is just a curiosity thing because the way I see you, you're a beautiful woman.
You've got so much going for you.
You've obviously had this amazing relationship with the Lord and I just, I would feel like
men would be lining up to marry you and you're not married.
And I was just like, is that a choice or is that something like you just haven't met the
right person?
Or I was just kind of curious about that, if you're open.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
Thanks for the compliment, by the way, I appreciate it.
So yeah, I did want to be married.
In fact, that was my, that was my life goal.
I wanted to be married, six children, live in a farmhouse, homeschool all of my children,
that kind of thing.
That was the life I wanted to live.
I did not want a career.
I did not want to have anything to do with business.
I didn't want to go to college, none of that.
So here I am, 36, having a degree, been a turnaround business consultant, teaching everybody
else how to run businesses and traveling around the United States in my car with my little
dog.
It was not what I planned.
And the reason I tell you that is, my life is what it looks like when God has completely
redeemed something.
And when he just has, how beautiful that freedom can look, because I was enslaved in an obsession.
It was my, while other people dream of like starting a business, or they dream of becoming
a singer, becoming an actor, where it literally consumes them.
What everybody else stumbled into in life, those were what, those were the things that
consumed me.
And it was very unhealthy.
And so the Lord had to free me from being enslaved to those ideals and those dreams
and all of that.
And I am so very glad, so very glad that he did, because I now understand, I understand
now how free that I am in the Lord.
And then so that now when those things, when I have those things, when I do get married
one day, when, you know, when I do have children, that the, that it will just be a,
I'll just be able to receive it effortlessly instead of it as being enslaved by it.
Now, so yes, I would do want to be married and the Lord said that I am going to be married
at some day, he told me, but it just hasn't happened yet. So that's the short answer.
Now, so it is by choice, stay. So it is by choice, but it's by choice in the fact that
I chose to do whatever it is that the Lord wants me to do. And that I, I, if guys asked me out,
I'm going to go on a date, I would go on a date. And then when they, when they asked me, sorry,
if the guys asked me out and the Lord tells me to go, then I go. If they, he tells me not to go,
then I don't. And that's, that's how, just how I do it. And I'm trying to think if there was
anything else I was going to say about all of that. I thought that would help answer your question.
Um, so I'm not averse to it. I, it just, it just hadn't happened yet. The Lord also,
I've watched him be extremely protective of me. There were certain things that he
wanted to accomplish in my life. So, um, there, um, and I don't even know how to explain what
I'm trying to say, but I have watched and other people have noticed it as well. They're just like,
actually, you know, why aren't you, why aren't you dating? Why aren't you this? Why aren't you that?
I'm like, well, you know, I, I go according to whatever it is the Lord says that he wants me to
do. And he's just put me in an environment in which I just haven't, um, I don't know.
I just, it's just not a whole, a, um, I'm just not dating and right now. And well, I, I, um,
yeah, sorry. I'm trying to just kind of pull a thing because I'm 36 and I'm trying to think,
okay, like if I were to go all the way back, what are all of the details that would help
answer her question? But I guess that's basically it. Did that answer? Yeah. No,
thank you for sharing. I appreciate it. I, it was more of a curiosity thing and I didn't want to,
I didn't want to ask you sooner cause I felt like, I know it's a really personal question
and yeah, it was, it was more curiosity. I didn't know if you'd chosen it or if it was just that,
I mean, I didn't meet my husband until I was 33 and even then I was not ready to be married.
I wasn't ready to be married until, well, I don't know if I'm ready to be married even now, but
I'm, I certainly wasn't ready the last, um, we're celebrating our eight year anniversary tomorrow.
And maybe in the last year, maybe I've kind of been ready, but that's interesting. Yeah. I,
I was, when I got married, if the Lord would have kind of given me revelation,
I think I really wanted to be with somebody who I felt loved me and who would protect me and
I don't know. I just, I didn't feel worthy enough that anyone would ever love me enough
for me to get married. So when I met this amazing man who loved me, it was like,
wow, like he loves me. He wants to marry me. And I got married quickly because I almost didn't
want him to get to know me too well to like leave before. It's crazy. Um, no. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, according to what goes on in our era or the way that we typically think. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, the first year was brutal. I was like a mess. I had a fear of commitment. I was afraid
that now we live together. He was going to know me. He was going to walk away. I threatened
divorce probably every week. It was bad. Um, and I don't do that anymore. So this is good. He's
stuck. He's stuck it out with me. I, he's a good guy. Um, but man, I think I don't appreciate him
the way that I could, if I worked through some more of this stuff and I'm just very much like
in my own space right now where I want to work through more of this stuff and I want to be
better. But after sort of years of pain and years of, I have a little fruit fly that's flying around.
Um, after years of pain and everything, I feel like I've become closed off and, you know, I, I
don't know. I'd like to open back up, but I haven't opened up for a long time. So. Closed off to what?
To just him, to marriage, to, um, everything that comes with marriage. I've just been really closed
off to it. So I don't know. I definitely know that God brings good out of everything. And I
know that he's brought good out of my life for having my husband in it.
and I also I don't know it's just a weird it's just a weird place I'm in
with that whole thing so yeah I get it I totally get it and I'm I'm very chill in
our marriage now where I wasn't before but I'm almost too laid-back where I am
on like the lounge chair and I'm just not interested in getting it be yeah
letting it be almost too much yeah I know what you're saying yeah I understand
so that place yeah yeah no go ahead that place for us I was gonna say like that
place of rest is good in a sense but then I'm like I want to I feel like I
should do more or try more or be more and I don't know yeah yeah I know that
abiding and rest and understanding rest will help with that it doesn't hinder
because the rest is an apathy and abiding and rest is not apathy at all in
fact Jesus was extremely passionate that he always spotted and rest and God is
extremely passionate but he's always fighting in red so rest is a place from
which we do and from which we operate so when we and in like what you're
saying you know there's this there's this sense that if we don't if we don't
fully commit in something if we don't fully give of ourselves if we don't
fully try there there's some there we don't we understand that there's going
to be an openness that's required of us meaning that we're going to be
vulnerable we're going to be exposed we could be hurt we don't know and and then
and so we don't want to give that and then the whole then the whole apathy the
whole I'm just I'm just a lounge chair I'm just gonna kind of let it be what it
is also is is the same thing but from the opposite end it's the I'm not going
to invest I'm not going to be involved because we still feel like there's a
threat there's a threat to our existence and so when we operate out of
rest and out of the spirit and out of our identity we we heal that place and
we've been long to invest because we understand that there's nothing but good
that can come from it and we're not threatened anymore but when we because
we understand that our identity is in him but when we don't believe that our
identity is in him in all areas those are the areas in which we can feel
threatened and so we just we we you know can swing from one direction to
another where you know we're now completely apathetic and we think it's
totally what we think that okay well now I'm doing something different and we're
doing the exact same thing we're just expressing it different and that is
that's it we're not investing in ourselves we're not I don't want to say
working but we're just not investing and it all comes from the same the same
reasons trying to to hold back and create distance because it then it's not
risky yeah that's definitely what it is it's a I I don't want to get hurt I'm
comfortable I don't want to give too much I don't want to I don't know I
don't know if I want to be fully seen and known because it's almost you know
if you know anything about attachment styles my attachment style I'm working
on it because I have an insecure attachment style but I'm working on
making it more secure and I've come so far and I I feel like there's so many
good things that have happened and there are still these little things that God
is still working on in me and one of them is being able to attach securely
especially to my husband I can attach securely to friends and you know all
sorts of people but not they're not as much of a threat yes because if he
walked away it would be a lot harder on me right now if he was gonna walk away
trust me he would have already he had so many chances but it's more about me it's
like I don't know I don't know what it is I haven't been able to completely
figure it out but it's like this fearful avoidant push-pull kind of like if you
get too close yeah I run if you're not as close I'll work a little harder but
he's very even keel so he doesn't like push Paul he doesn't do anything he's
just like all the time so it's interesting and then I find like I come
to this place sometimes like I explained a little bit in the Marco Polo of now
why are you in the kitchen and you know why can't you do this like why do you do
this why can't you do this more
and I get judgy. I'm being totally honest like this is the stuff that comes up so
I'm okay. There we go. Okay. Let me, my phone, my earbuds died. So let me go, let me see where, okay.
Alright so my friend is all the way on the other end of the house and I have
the phone down really low. So please go ahead. No problem. Yeah that's kind of
where I'm trying to kind of figure out more about myself because I know God,
like trust me, I'll tell you stories someday when you know like I said the
times right and he has like God's chisel. If you've ever seen that video, have you
ever seen the God's chisel video? I haven't. You told me about it but I
thought that you said, were you going to send it to me or was I supposed to Google it? I think you were
supposed to tell me if you'd seen it and then I was gonna send it. Now that I know, I will
send it to you. This is an image I always have of God chiseling away the things
that don't serve us anymore, serve him ultimately. And my gosh, he has chiseled
away at me in ways that if I would have known he was gonna do that I don't know
if I would have signed up for it. But in hindsight, and I knew this at the time, I'm
like he is going to bring good out of this, I know it. And he has and it's a
miracle, the things that he's done. Miracles, absolutely. So there's still a
little bit of work to do and one of those areas is definitely my attachment
to my husband because it's just easier to do nothing than to do anything. I'm not super
motivated to do anything. I'd rather build my business. I'd rather work with
clients. I'd rather, you know, just sometimes just be by myself and not talk. And he is
amazing. Like I don't think I would go out there and meet somebody better. Like I
honestly think he is just a quality guy. So I don't know, I know it's me and I've
got, I want to work on it. Yeah, it's just our interactions with other people are a
mirror of what, how it is we view ourselves. Really, it's all that it is. And so once
we, once we put on our own oxygen mask, everything else works itself out. Because
that's what everything else is dependent on. And so it, anyway, so just be
encouraged that it's working. I don't want to, not working on yourself, but
paying attention to yourself and giving what it is that you know, and on your
relationship with the Lord, and just believing that he is who he says that he is, and that you are who he says that you are. And when he describes Christ, that he's describing you and that you are all those things. And you can take him at his word that you are, and choosing to come into a greater and greater agreement with it will effortlessly change how the choices that you make in the way that you interact with, with others. The way that you interact with your husband, the way that you interact with your
with your daughter, the way that you, the way that you make decisions in business, it's all effortless from that point, because it's based on, because we're, we're removing the hindrance and the resistance that's created by the fact that we believe that our old man is not dead. And we're, and we keep acting like him. And so once we remove that, will we effortlessly, we just
allow ourselves to be who it is that we are, which is the new man and the new man effortlessly does everything. We don't have to try to have blonde hair. We just have blonde hair, you know, so someone who has blonde hair like yourself, you don't have to try for it.
I mean, because I'm assuming you don't highlight it. I used to highlight my hair blonde, but you know, whatever color hair you have, you don't have to worry for it.
It just, it just happens. It's just effortless. It's the same thing, you know, for us with our, you know, relationship to like
The new man. We, we always believe our father. We don't have to try to believe we just have to let go of the resistance.
Are the new man always believes his father. He's always right. The new man is always righteous. He's always holy. He knows everything. He's wise. He always makes the right decision.
And, and the new man. Here's the father talks to the father has a good relationship with the father know and knows what's in the father's heart and looks like the father, etc. All effortlessly. So all of the issues that we have
They effortlessly work themselves out.
And because we we allow ourselves to just be
And that's what, what it means when it says that we work out our salvation is we're taking
who it is that we really are.
And we're working it out of ourselves, like, you know, deep down in us, we are spirit and
we're working it out into our soul and out into our body so it can go out into the rest
of the world.
That's what working out our salvation is.
It's manifesting what is actually true.
It's not making something true that isn't yet true.
No, it's just, it's just manifesting it.
It's making it visible when currently it's only invisible.
So anyway, all of that stuff will iron itself out and, and without having to work on, oh,
I need to be more intentional.
I need to be more vigilant.
I need to be whatever.
We can do all of those things and they do work.
They often though don't deal with the root issue.
In fact, they don't deal with the root issue.
And it's a lot of hard work.
It's 10 times harder to do down in the soul where we're working at it.
So anyway, that's what I was explaining the Marco Polo when you were, when you were asking
about like, like, like coaching questions related to how it is that I talk about the
rest is it's, it's a different perspective.
It's a different, it's a different approach.
They're both valid.
They're both valid, but I teach about rest because when, because the other works until
it actually until the, until it doesn't, it works until it works with everything we know
until we don't, until we find ourselves in this situation in which it requires knowledge
of something that we don't have yet.
And then we bear the consequences of not knowing it.
And because we can't rise above it and, and we're struggling or whatever, but it
can rest.
We don't need to know any of it, but it's difficult sometimes for us to shift in there.
So sometimes we, we use, we use the tool.
I do the same thing in areas.
I will literally be in a situation like, okay, look, I know I'm supposed to trust you.
I know I'm supposed to believe that you are, you are as love and as goodness.
Everything is just that you say that you are, but I'm in this particular area, my soul is
really struggling.
So I need a tool.
I need a tool to use for myself as leverage.
And so I'll, and so I'll use a spiritual law tool or I'll use an inner healing tool or
I'll, I'll do something, something that I've learned that I know and, um, in order to give
myself leverage, um, because I'm, I'm just struggling too hard to just choose that he's
that good.
I'm really, I'm struggling believing that he's that good in a particular area.
And so I'll, you know, if I am, you know, when I am, then I'll, then I'll use something,
but anyway, it's just a different approach.
So point is that, you know, with your husband and all of that, if you focus on putting on
your own oxygen mask and believing who it is that God says that you are and focusing
on that, everything else will effortlessly begin, you will effortlessly, um, do and interact
with him the way that God, uh, that God intended without having to figure it out and figure
out what am I doing wrong?
What should I be doing different?
What does he need me to do?
What does he not need me to do?
It's a lot of learning.
It's a lot of figuring out.
It's a lot of work to try to, to try to remember and to do something different and to shift
my mind.
Anyway.
Yeah.
So anyway, it's just different, different approach.
No, they're all valid.
Yeah.
No, I, and I, I love, like, I think I incorporate a lot of deep stuff in my program, but the
like shifting into that spiritual realm, like even today, my daughter was, she had a friend
over and it was great.
She had, she has lots of friends, but she struggles with insecurities with her friends
or what she's an only child.
So she struggles when friends go home and she cries and stuff, which is hard on me.
I know.
Um, but she gets really insecure.
Um, I don't know, like it's, it's weird.
It shows up in different ways.
Like when she's with her friends, she wants to be liked.
So she'll do certain things to be like, now she's only four, so she's still learning,
but then if a friend's over and they leave, she cries.
So it's just like, I feel like she's lonely and then I feel guilty cause I didn't have
another child, but I, I never wanted to have another one.
Um, I went through a lot, like I said, the last three years, I was not in a place to
have another child.
The year that she, after she was born, I had postpartum stuff that was awful.
Then the last three years was a write-off.
So then here I am and she's almost five and I'm almost 42.
So just not in that place.
And when she gets lonely and she gets upset and she cries.
wants this and that. I struggle because I feel guilty that I didn't have another child for her
to play with and I think that I am like doing something to her like she's going to grow up and
be insecure and be lonely and seek approval in other people and then she's going to end up like
I told you like having struggles like I did and so I'm like those things come up and I notice
I get really frustrated because I obviously come from a good place wanting the best for her but
then like how do I not feel guilty about all of that when she's so sad. Yeah well um you know
other people even as young as four other people are responsible for the meaning that they attach
to things. We were all responsible for how for the meaning that we attach to things even really
young where we were not aware that we were doing it we were still making choices and the way that
and one of the ways that we know that is that Jesus never sinned and Jesus lived a perfect
life and Jesus literally went through every age from zero to 33 technically I think it was 34
but anyway and once they figured out the timeline point is that Jesus went through went through all
of those things and and so it is it is possible but it's meanings that they've attached to things
and we do our our best in order to to in the way that we interact with children to give them a a
way in which they can attach the meaning that we know is true so in other words the way that they
are more likely to receive what it is receive the meaning that we believe actually is true as
opposed to being more likely to receive a different message and then after that and they really are
responsible in the in the end for what it is that they what it is that they choose and we don't know
what it is that they're how it is that they're going to take it we just follow the Lord's leading
as best that we can and ultimately we just leave them in their in his hands we have to leave that
our spouses in the Lord's hands we have to leave ourselves in the Lord's hands I mean um and
there God doesn't intend for us to um to carry um any guilt any shame or any self-condemnation
and that's the very first thing that we have to deal with is that when we're struggling especially
with an interaction with another human being for instance because that one really gets us
when we're dealing with an interaction with another human being and we're wondering what
is it what is it that I should and shouldn't do what we have to do first is to shift our place
itself and to make sure that we're shifted into a place of rest in order in other words that
we do remember who it is that we are and and usually the hindrance to that is we're currently
in a state in which we're we are we're shamed we're in a state of self-condemnation we're feeling
you know all of that guilt and God wants us to release that first in order to shift into a place
of rest in order to remember who it is that we are before we can have a hope of actually
dealing correctly and wisely with the situation in front of us how should I actually interact
with them um what is the righteous way in which I should do you know what is it that this person
really needs we know that thing in the spirit because our spirit knows all things but if we're
not in the spirit and we're in the soul which is evidenced by the fact that we're you know shaming
ourselves we're in condemnation I feel guilty I've done something wrong I am wrong I haven't
done it right I failed whatever if we're in that place we're not in a place in which we can hear
we're in which we're believing that God that we are who God says that we are and if we're not
where it is that God says that we are we're not acknowledging that we're in the father's heart
and therefore we can't hear it we can't hear the wise things we can't hear what it is that we're
supposed to do so we have to let go of the shame and condemnation because God says it's not for
us to carry anymore and he wants us to deal with that first then we shift up into the spirit and we
remember who it is that we are in front of that place we know all things and we know how to deal
with the situation and that situation isn't something they don't need a therapist they
need the Lord they need they meet the Lord knows how it is that they're going to take anything that
we say and the meaning that they're going to attach to it and so we want his wisdom and his
knowledge and his perspective and we have to get out of our own way in order to be able to finally
hear what it is that we need to be able to say or how we need to be interacting and we automatically
know that in the spirit as soon as we let go of all of that resistance of I'm a problem I'm failing
or I'm going I'm afraid that I'm a
to fail or I feel guilty I'm probably responsible for this what have I said
that's made her think this or I should have had another child you know I've
probably you know made it harder for her in other words it's just self-condemning
and we have to release ourselves first put on our oxygen mask first before we
can give it to someone else does that make sense oh yeah totally I guess so in
the moment when I'm feeling guilty the first thing is you try to drop it
because there's no condemnation in Christ correct and then shift into the
spirit to the point where I can say what does she need right now the most she
needs a hug she needs some playtime with me so she needs whatever and then along
with dropping the guilt I've got to drop my selfishness because sometimes I just
want to rest I think I told you I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue right
so I like to rest a lot do I rest in the spirit in that kind of rest not as much
as I'd like to and I I like to just lie down and do nothing because my body does
hurt a lot and so yeah you know living in the spiritual realm it's funny I can
go there and be like okay I'm in the spiritual realm I'm at rest and then I
can do lots I because I'm feeling energized and you're in the spirit but
then I don't have energy later it's like I need to save it up so I have enough to
last me through the day because if I spike then I'll drop so I I try not to
let myself get too excited do too much or else I'll end up having to lie in bed
for the next day right so that's probably a little bit of a competing
commitment for me around fear and living in the spirit right because if I live in
the spirit what if I do too much and then I'm out of the spirit and then I'm
like oh I'm so tired I'm in pain I can't take care of my daughter you know what I
mean like does this make any sense this is the depth that I think at so it's
great that's great so what what what's your question should you oh okay let me
let me back up there really quick and for one thing I need to understand what
your question actually is because I didn't get that but before I before you
answer that before I forget let me go back to something you said you said and
so get you know understand that I don't have it carry any more shame or
condemnation and then I need to you said need to shift in the spirit to see what
it is that she needs understand understand that by releasing the shame
and the condemnation and releasing all of the stress and anxiety you're
shifting into rest automatically so you're already shifting and you're
acknowledging that you are spirit in by and by being and residing in the spirit
you will then know what to do now yes you can also ask the Lord you can kind
of like seek you know seek his heart okay what am I sensing in my spirit that
she needs right now you know what should it is that what it is that what is it
that I should do and then going into even without you telling me exactly what
your question is going into your the second part where you were talking about
the fact that you know you don't feel like that you have a lot of energy
sometimes since you're like okay my goodness does this mean that I just need
to play with her just whatever when you were in the spirit you then know when
you're sensing the father's heart you know what it is that you should do and
or what it is that you think that you should do again what you're sensing in
the spirit not what you're thinking with your head sounds logical or
whatever but sensing what what's word where is my peace at wherever you feel
that your piece is that is where God will sustain you so God will sustain you
physically and give you whatever it is that you need if in your spirit your
peace is at spending time playing with your daughter or whatever the reason
that your body is is is suffering with like chronic chronic fatigue and
fibromyalgia or whatever is it's believes a lie that it's abandoned and
alone and it's a victim to to whatever all of our bodies are manifesting
different different health issues because of that root that root lie that
we believe that we're we're we're a victim we're abandoned alone you know
we've got to protect from provide ourselves again it's the court that
we've appealed to and our body is simply manifesting what it is that we actually
believe because physically our bodies get their instruction from the human
soul and even non-believers and recognize this and they they can they've
and done all kinds of scientific studies on it and whatever that anyway that's why
I think it's like sugar pills work because it's it's the placebo effect
because they know that our body
please respond to what it is that our souls tell it.
Anyway, but that's why it's doing that.
So if you actually begin to believe something different,
your body can then manifest that different belief.
So if you're choosing, okay, well,
what does it say that the Lord wants me to do in the spirit?
Okay, this is where my peace is at.
So what we believe that regardless of what it is
that our body is telling us,
we choose that whatever God says is true,
it really is true.
Like what we were talking about
at the beginning of the conversation,
you know, is like a rape victims
or kidnap victims or whatever.
Even in something like this,
didn't matter what the physical realm is saying,
I am choosing that if God says that he is giving me this,
that my peace is that,
God is going to sustain me in stopping
and playing with my little girl,
then he really will sustain me.
He will sustain me, you know, in my soul and in my body.
And we choose that over anything else.
We're not dictated to by our body
and just have to deal with it.
We tell it what to do.
And we're trying to get it to come into alignment
and come into agreement.
And it is a journey, understand.
So I actually had to talk to my book this week
because I heard it.
And it swelled up huge.
I mean, huge.
And I didn't tell anybody.
I'm like, I'm trying not to limp when I'm around people
because I was with my host family.
And I was like, I can't let anybody know.
And I just need to come into my foot.
No, you're not, you're protected and you're safe.
And I'm your King.
And I'm telling you that in the spirit,
I am completely healed.
And that's my identity.
And you just need to manifest it.
And you just need to deal with it.
I didn't get onto my foot.
I just told it, hey, look, I'm your King.
And I'm telling you that you're safe.
And I'm telling you, this is, I'm giving you instruction.
This is what I want you to do.
And it began to heal.
And by that evening, it was healed tremendously.
And then it healed even more the next day.
I don't know what went on.
I don't know what I did that,
or what it thought that had happened to it.
I don't know if it thought,
I mean, I was even wondering if there was a frac,
if it thought that I had a fracture, I don't know.
Whatever it was, it was huge.
It swelled up so big.
I mean, it hurt so bad to walk on it.
My whole foot was just puffy and sore.
And it, cause some furniture had jammed down
on top of my foot.
So my entire foot swelled up.
So, you know, whenever you walk on anything like that,
it just hurts like the Dickens.
And I just kept walking on it and saying,
no, this is how it is.
And I would just walk on it as if my foot was normal.
No, this is how it is.
This is how it is.
So I'm practicing.
And I'm not saying that I just have it like I have it,
that I still have more that I need to grow
into having faith in the Lord in, but I'm trying.
So point is that God will sustain you wherever
your spirit says that it's peace is at,
related to your daughter, related to,
even if it involves your physical exertion.
So.
Yeah, no, that's good.
So like, let's say you had a foot like that,
that acted up, you know, a lot.
And you knew that if you walk too long on your foot,
you would probably have, you know,
a couple of days out laid up in your bed
because you just overwalked.
Mm-hmm.
How would that affect your ability to like,
try to live in the spirit or live at rest,
knowing that there's a fear that if you did,
there might come, you know,
the next couple of days would be difficult for you.
Do you know what I mean?
Yes.
So I, that's what I, that's what I was,
that was a lie that I was threatened with believing
about my foot actually, was I thought,
what if it really is?
What if there, what if there is a fracture?
And in reality, because understanding,
I'm not denying reality.
I'm not saying, well, you know,
I see the fracture on the X-ray.
Well, that's not, that's not true.
No, there is a fracture, you know?
So it's not denying reality,
but it's telling the body to overcome
and to manifest something different,
to heal itself, to do whatever it needs to do.
And it needs to do it fast and needs to do that.
So I did actually, I was very,
I knew that if, if I didn't,
this is going to sound like a really weird way to say it,
but if I didn't do it right,
if I'm practicing and it quote unquote, didn't work.
And the only reason why it wouldn't work is if I, is the fact that I, it's not that it's
not true.
It's that I wasn't actually believing it.
Then I thought I could bear the consequences and this could just, this could, this situation
could compound.
I could be compounding the problem because in my mind, what was going through my head
was the, and this is one of the reasons why I didn't tell anybody.
One of the reasons I didn't tell anybody is I didn't want anyone in the physical to be
acknowledging that there was something wrong.
And then the other thing is that they were going to be on me, you know, say, Oh, well,
actually this is what you need to do.
You need to do this.
You need to do that.
And I'm like, no, I tell my body what it needs to do because.
And so every time I started thinking, okay, what do I need to do?
Well, normally I would soak it and normally I would elevate it.
Normally I would do this and I just, nope, not that.
And, um, um, anyway, I did actually believe it and I chose instead that I, because what
it is that I'm, what it was I was doing in the moment was not just related to my foot.
It was, I was trying, I was choosing to believe that God is who he says that he is and that
I am who God says that he says that I am, hopefully I said that right.
And I knew that it was that serious of a thing that I was undertaking.
It wasn't my foot.
And so I was choosing him.
I was choosing to believe the Lord.
I wasn't choosing to have dominion over my foot necessarily.
Yes, I was choosing to have dominion over my foot, but why?
Ultimately because God says that I, that is the position that I have.
And so he says that that's the position of mine that I have.
Ultimately what it is I'm choosing is that what God says is true.
And that's why I was so serious about the situation.
So, so in other words, you're asking about, well, what if you know that, that if you keep
doing this, that X, Y, and Z is going to happen?
Well, the reason that X, Y, and Z happens is because we've appealed to that court and
we appeal to that court, meaning that we don't believe that God is who he says that he is.
So I was choosing a higher court and I was practicing that.
And I knew that if I didn't, if, if I, if I was trying, if I was practicing that I could
bear these consequences because I was actually appealing to this court when I thought I was
appealing to this court.
So I thought if I'm still appealing to this one, even though I think I'm doing this one
and therefore I reap negative consequences, at least I tried and I need to do, and I need
to keep, keep at it.
And anyway, for me, it was a, it was a big deal and it was a long term, not a goal, but
just a long term intention and desire of mine that I was investing in.
And so I made a choice.
I was willing to risk this in order to attain that.
Not that I'm attaining it, but you know what I'm saying?
To begin to, to believe the Lord.
And I, and I risked it.
I knew full well what I was risking and, and I did it anyway, but there are other, but
that's where my faith was at.
There are other times where my health struggles and my faith is where I'm just like, okay,
I just need a pill, just, just give me, I've got this headache, just give me Tylenol.
And so I just go wherever, go wherever your peace is at.
There's no condemnation in the Lord, even when we choose this court, there's no condemnation
anymore.
It's not like, well, there's no condemnation here, but there is here and there isn't.
There is here.
No, no condemnation to anyone that we pick.
And he just bothers us into, into moving where we acknowledge more and more that we actually
are in the spirit.
But in the meantime, we need to go wherever our peace is at, because our peace is going
to reflect wherever it is that our faith is at, the degree to which we believe that God
is love and good.
And he says, and he's pleased whichever, whichever court we pick, he's pleased.
He's like, oh, they believe me that much.
He's not disappointed that, well, why didn't they believe all of the rest of this?
No, he's just like, oh, well, they believe me that much.
That's great.
And then he wants to bother us into, wouldn't you like to believe me more?
Wouldn't you like to receive even more evidence in, in manifestation in your life that I am
as good and as, and as loved as I declare that I am, because you have that much more
freedom available to you.
But it doesn't mean that he condenses for where we are in order to motivate us for something
else.
No, he's just like, this is great.
This is wonderful.
If you want to take Tylenol, take Tylenol.
If you want to sleep, sleep.
Go wherever it is that you're feeling your, your peace is at, because your peace is a
reflection of to what level you are currently believing God.
He will, he will be pleased.
is with whatever level to which you are believing him,
because all he sees is, she believes,
and he will sustain you in that place.
So whatever it is you choose, just believe him,
but go wherever your faith is at.
Do we really believe and trust in him though,
when we, I'm just curious,
because when you were talking,
I was thinking of a whole bunch of things,
but, and I was totally listening too, but I-
No, no, it's fine.
Um, if I go and reach for an Advil before I,
like if I'm like, okay, I could go to God and I could pray,
but I really want that Advil,
is it really, like, it's not his best for us.
It's not his ultimate goal for us, right?
It's like, I'm surprised he wouldn't be like,
um, yeah, that's not what I want you to do,
because I've got something way better for you.
I hear what you're saying,
and I feel like maybe because of my history,
I'm like, wouldn't he say, no, don't do that.
When I have something so much better,
why would you go and do that?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, so God created things like Advil.
He's the one who gave us the knowledge
and that enabled us to develop something
that we call Advil.
He's the one who created all of those things
to work like that, and those things are very good.
There's nothing wrong with them.
Now, yes, operating, using those things
outside of the tree of life results in nothing but death,
because it's separated from the life source,
and God is healing, God is everything.
So when we're using a tool outside of it,
believing this thing is going to heal me,
this thing is the source of my healing.
It leads to nothing but death,
which is why there are all those side effects to Advil,
et cetera, and why, yeah, you know that it's not perfect.
Sure, it numbs the nerves,
but then there's all of these other side effects.
It is just, again, physical type and shadow
of spiritual truth, which is the fact that things
just that are outside of the Lord just lead to death,
but he did still create all of those things.
So God doesn't create things that are bad.
God doesn't create plans and spiritual laws
and physical laws.
He doesn't create things that are bad,
but what he does wants us to do is that whatever tool
that we use that he created, he's like, okay,
if you're gonna choose to operate according to the tree
of the knowledge of good and evil,
and you're not going to choose to abide in me,
where you choose that I'm your protection, your provision,
and you choose to protect and provide for yourself,
I don't wanna send you out vulnerable in the world alone,
so I'm gonna give you some tools.
I'm gonna give you some things,
and I think I talked about this in the spiritual warfare
a lot that I just did, I'm going to make sure
that you have a way to protect yourself,
so I'm gonna give you weapons.
He did that with the prodigal son
when he sent the prodigal son,
when the father sent the prodigal son out,
well, he didn't send him out,
but the prodigal son said, I wanna leave,
and so he's like, so give me my inheritance early.
So the father gave him his inheritance early.
Instead of requiring that he's like, no, no, I'm sorry,
you gotta wait until I die, you can still have it,
but you've gotta wait until I die, he's like, no,
I don't wanna leave, I don't wanna send him out there
unprotected and unprovided for,
he's only ever known my house,
so he's gonna go out there,
he doesn't know about how to get a job
and how to work good at a job and make his own money,
so I'm gonna send him provision and protection
so that he's got tools by which he can,
that he can use to provide for and to protect himself,
and that's what he did, and then eventually it ran out
because, again, it leads to nothing but death
and there's an end to it,
and so then he has to come back to the father
from which you can always have everything
and in whom there is no,
you never reach the end of it.
So when the problem is what we believe
is actually the source of our healing,
that it's not the Advil that's the source of our healing,
we're just using it, but it's not our source,
God is our healer, and so he delights
even when we're choosing this realm
because this is where our peace is at
and this is the amount of faith
and belief that we have with the Lord.
There is still an element of belief and faith
that we have in the Lord,
but we believe that he's our healer,
we believe that he's our source,
but I'm gonna take an Advil
versus something like a Word of Faith style
where I believe that the Lord is my healer
and he is my provider,
but I require the currency of faith.
I've gotta declare, declare, declare, declare,
declare, declare, declare until finally it happens.
happens, you know, and then it's still a lot of work in that area.
Or we can just know, no, I, I receive healing in my body and it manifests in
my body because God is that good and God is that love and that's, and he
says that that is who he is and I receive it as a free gift, the free,
it's a gift freely given freely received.
And therefore I have a right to expect that it will manifest in my body
without me having to work for it, but we have to grow to that.
And in the meantime, while we're growing to that, we, we can, we can believe
that God is our healer, but I'm going to take Advil and then we just work.
We, we grow and mature as the Lord fathers us in our faith.
He's the father of our faith, fathers us in our faith to then, you know,
believe him more so that we're not as reliant on those tools or whatever.
So that's why it's not wrong for us to use the tools.
They were created by the Lord.
Jesus used tools.
Um, he was a carpenter.
He used tools.
Um, and, uh, when he knew how to, he knew how to calm the wind in the ways by word.
So why would a carpenter use tools if, if he could, if he could command, um,
creation to do whatever he wanted it to do, because there's nothing wrong with it.
It's in, we just need to not, um, believe that it's the source of
what provides for and protects us.
We use it, but it's not our provision and our protection.
So that's the difference between using it, believing, Oh my goodness,
I have to have this or why I'm not protected and provided for versus
God protects and provides for me anyway.
And I can use this.
Is that help?
Yeah.
That's interesting about the tools.
Yeah.
Like Jesus used tools, but he didn't really need to, because he could
have produced a house, you know, from nothing if he wanted.
Right.
Yeah.
And when he would go out with his disciples on, on a boat, um, it would
take them a while to row all the way across, except every now and then.
Uh, at least one situation it mentioned immediately, they, they got to shore.
I think it was when, um, I think it was when the, uh, when Peter was
called out to walk on the water and, and then they got back in the boat
and he said, Oh, you have a little faith, you know, dah, dah, dah.
And it said immediately they reached the other side.
And so in other words, that there are times in which God, you know, Jesus,
you know, superseded the, um, and told the physical laws and physical creation
hand wants to do something different.
But at all those other times, they, they got in the boat and they had
to row all the way out there and they had to do this and Jesus cooked fish.
And Jesus even ate, even after he had a spiritual body, he physically
chewed and ate in their presence to prove that he had a spirit, that he had a fit,
that even though it was a spiritual body and he could go through
walls, it was still physical.
So there's nothing wrong with any of those things.
Those are very, very good things.
We just need to make sure that they're not our, our, our source and our provision.
Yeah, but no, that's good.
I, I think, yeah, just continuing to just keep that focus and just shift, shift,
shift, and maybe it'll be five minutes one day and six minutes and then four
minutes the next, and then maybe it'll bump up a bit, right?
Like, is this kind of the process?
A lot of times that while you're practicing it, most people don't get it right away.
They kind of have to go through, uh, Oh yeah, it's just a choice that I make
is the fact that, okay, now I'm going to believe God, I'm going to believe God.
And I wake up every day thinking, okay, now I'm going to believe God.
And, and then I just, and I, I'm sure that I flow in and out of it.
But the thing is that I don't try to think about whether or not I'm
flowing in and out of it.
And am I in rest?
Am I not in rest?
I don't know.
I don't pay any attention.
I just, I just make it periodically.
I just, I just think in my, in my spirit, even without thinking of it consciously,
I'm going to choose that, that, that whatever God says is true.
I'm going to choose that.
I am who God says that I am.
God says that I'm righteous.
I'm going to choose to believe that I'm righteous.
And therefore, if I, if I know that I'm righteous, what would a righteous person
do, what, what do I want to do now?
And if I know all things, what, what would I do?
And, um, if I, if I'm, if I'm the Lord, well, then I love all people.
And if I, you know, and therefore there's no one that's unlovable and it's very
easy to love this person or that person.
It doesn't matter what, what brokenness of himself that they're presenting to me.
I don't have any issue with them whatsoever.
It's, it's just, it's just this choosing.
I don't, I don't think, okay, I'm shifted into rest and I've been in rest for this
long and I shipped out of rest and oh, I'm noticing myself shifting in and out of rest.
I don't notice that particularly.
I just, whenever.
or I notice something that I feel unsettled
or I don't feel at peace.
I'm like, okay, who am I?
Right, I'm gonna choose it.
And I choose it and then I go about my day.
I don't stop and like try to dwell on it and focus on it.
That's exhausting.
That's trying for rest, that's striving for rest.
And we don't need to, it's effortless.
We just need to let go of our resistance.
So have you ever made up like a sheet that says,
this is who God says you are.
These are his promises.
Have you ever made something like that up for anybody?
I haven't.
The reason that I haven't is there's a lot
that are already out there and they don't work.
Yeah.
I'm not saying that they don't work.
We've all read them and our lives haven't changed.
That's my point.
Well, and that's why I was wondering,
like if somebody wants to believe who they are in Christ
or his promises, wouldn't meditating on something
like that help them at least know what they are?
Like, so what's the difference between looking at that
and like saying, okay, I'm gonna believe this
and shift into that belief versus this abstract belief.
Like, I feel like if somebody doesn't know
what the promises are or they don't know who they are
in Christ, then they might struggle with that.
Yeah, and you're right.
If they don't know who it is that God says that they are,
then yeah, they would struggle.
So I've never, it's interesting,
I've never had anybody ask that
because everybody so far that's come to me,
they know who it is that God says that they are
because they've told themselves
and they've preached it to themselves and others so long.
They all know it.
They just don't believe it.
And so now they're having to come face-to-face
with the fact that, well, I know who Jesus is.
So therefore, that's who I need to choose
to believe that I am.
So I've never had anybody ask me about like specific,
whatever, I have noticed, obviously,
sometimes we forget certain things
so that when I mentioned them in teaching,
so like, oh, that's right, that is who I am
or that is who Jesus, you know, oh, it's so obvious
that that is who Jesus is and that is what he did.
And so therefore, wow, if he could do it,
well, then I can do it.
But yeah, but I haven't written anything up.
Jesus says that we are all of these things,
but there are all kinds of ones that are already online
about, you know, that people could pull up
of Christian identity or, you know,
who it is that God says that we are
or in the scripture references and whatever,
but no, I've never done one.
I've seen a bunch of them too.
And I've taught a little bit on identity
and well, I've taught quite a bit about identity.
I was gonna say, I thought that you taught
quite a bit about it.
Yeah, I do.
And like worth and value.
And like I go into the deeper during our coaching sessions,
we talk more about those blocks to believing.
Now, this is a different way of looking at it
that I haven't looked at before.
Yeah, there's some really awesome.
And so one of your videos,
I can't remember if it was the first one I watched
where you were talking about how we are one with God
and how, you know, we came out of Adam
and like, that was really cool.
I'd never thought about it that way,
about Jesus being pierced in the water and the blood
and his side being cut open and Adams.
That was really neat.
What were the verses if you remember on that aspect
of us coming, being part of him and coming out of him?
Do you remember where those were?
Are you talking about related?
Let's see, I think it's Romans eight.
It's a good chapter.
I think it's Romans eight that says he chose us in him.
Yeah, it was something, it was something about that.
Like it was basically you were referencing
the fact that we are him, we are,
we came from him, we are him, we.
Yeah, it says, you know, that we're one spirit with Christ.
We're God's.
Other than we're God's,
I talked about that in the teaching,
right about the fact that it says Jesus used us as a,
Jesus used Psalm, what was it, 81 or whatever
as proof that he was son of God.
Yeah, there's that.
I believe it's Romans eight that talks about the fact
that he chose us in him before the creation of the world.
So in other words, we were in him and he chose us in him,
you know, not that we would be joined to him,
but that we chose this in him.
And then, and then we were,
it says that anyone who.
as, oh, oh, and then there was Abraham, but I think that was still, wasn't that still
Romans eight?
It was just later on in the chapter about the fact that it says that we're one seed
with Christ.
So we've been rejoined.
We've been rejoined.
Is that from one with God?
That must be from one with God.
Yes.
All of that's one with God.
Yeah.
So that part of it, I thought that was interesting because I hadn't thought about that being
one with God and that we're one seed.
Yeah.
I wanted to, yeah, I wanted to go back to those verses, but I couldn't remember where
I feel like I've gotten so many great things.
I can't remember where all of them are, which is why I started taking notes.
Yeah.
I recommend reading the entire chapter of Romans eight.
Just that talking about that unity that we have with the Lord is amazing.
There's also Galatians.
Is it in Galatians maybe that it's referencing Abraham in one seed?
It might be Galatians.
It's referencing Abraham.
Galatians is another one that as a really good book and Ephesians, probably especially
Ephesians talking about our identity.
That's really good and strong identity book, but yeah, there's stuff in Galatians as well.
I don't remember if it's Galatians five that mentions Abraham and being one seed with Christ
and all of that.
I'll probably go through.
I got to read through Romans, Galatians, and Ephesians again, like in their entirety.
A friend and I are going through the Bible right now together, like kind of a chapter
a day, which is cool, but I'd like to get back into those ones because those ones are
awesome.
We just did Genesis.
We're doing Exodus now.
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
So we're going right through the...
We'll see what happens when we get to Numbers.
I think Numbers, it changed my view on Numbers when I heard that somebody actually became
a Christian when they were reading Numbers.
That's really interesting.
Yeah.
The genealogy was like blew them away, right?
Yeah.
So I know it's all books.
Yeah.
One of my favorite books in the Bible is Leviticus, actually, my favorite books.
I just find it so fascinating because again, there are types and shadows, even as structured
and as structured as it was, it just, to me, revealed the holiness of the Lord and it's
a type and a shadow of things in heaven and ways that God has set things up in the way
that he interacts with us.
Yes, so much of it though is according to the old covenant, but the nice, the neat thing
is that the things that they are types and shadows of actually reveal, you can actually
interpret it in different ways.
It's got like a layering of interpretation and you could look at it through the Old Testament
old covenant eyes in which it reveals just the holiness of the Lord and how far that
we were removed from him and da, da, da, da, da, da, but, or we can look at it and realize
it is, and see it in the interpretation of it, that those things are still a type and
a shadow of things that, of things in the spirit and in the spirit, there's complete
freedom.
Right.
And there's not in the, if we see it in the spirit, there are not the restrict, it's not,
you don't see it in the restrictiveness that it's, that we're, we so easily view all of
the, all of the instructions and Leviticus and we just see it as just so, I don't know,
just so structured and stifled and, and, and, and I don't want to say enslaving, but well,
yeah, no, it is enslaving because I was going to say, I don't want to say that as if I'm
like saying something that God didn't say.
And then I remember God did say that he said that the law, that we're a slave to the law.
And so anyway, but that there's, you can actually interpret it in the way that things are in
the spirit.
And so we can actually see that another layer by which we can interpret it is in, from the
perspective of freedom.
So that's something that God though, is still showing me how to, how to see that in Leviticus,
but it is there.
So it's one of my favorite books.
Well, thank you.
And you, like I said, I appreciate all, you know, it's not, it's not your insight, but
the way you've interpreted it and the way you teach it and share it is like, it's really
powerful and I appreciate it because I feel like I'm learning a lot and just of things
that I have never looked at in this way.
So I appreciate that.
I appreciate your time and your energy and...
Oh sure, I'm glad to get to visit with you today.
I'm glad that you're doing well. Yeah, I'm learning a lot. I'm a...
I feel like there, you know, are pieces I've maybe been missing from
this puzzle and I'm starting to feel like I'm
like looking under the sofa and finding them.
That's exciting. Wow, that's where they are. They've been
hiding there the whole time. But it kind of does, it kind of feels
like some of the pieces of the puzzle are coming in and
I think it'll take me, like I get it and I'm an interesting person
because I'll sometimes have to hear something
several times before it really clicks and I get this epiphany.
Yeah. So sometimes you might repeat yourself a little bit but at some point
I will, it'll just click. Okay, that's fine.
It's starting to click a little bit already and
I'm not quite there yet but I know I'm on the right path and the right journey
and I appreciate you being a part of it so
thank you. Oh sure, so glad that you did that and you
just felt it was between something that the Lord wanted in
y'all's relationship that he wanted that y'all would allow that
the rest intensive to be part of your journey and allowed me to be part of
your journey because it's special and encouraging for me to get to hear from
other people. You get to watch other people take their
own unique journey with the Lord and how the Lord is just revealing himself
and you know to his children and I get edified and encouraged by watching
others, by watching people that I'm one with in the spirit
and how the Lord is interacting with them as the Son of God is the way that
the Lord is interacting with me because the way
that he interacts with you is him interacting with me. He's
giving because if we're one in the Lord well then I get to receive
if I and if I receive you you know whoever receives a prophet
whoever receives a prophet receives a prophet's reward so if I receive
the beautiful ways in which God is manifesting himself
to you and revealing his character to you then I get to receive the benefits
of that is if he had done it in my life
so because it's my father manifesting himself to his son
and he'll manifest himself to his son or the character
of himself will be manifested in that way in my life as well
if I receive with someone the way that he interacts with someone else
hopefully that made sense but anyway yeah the one verse you just quoted
about the prophecy the prophet he receives a prophet receives a prophet's
reward yeah do you know where that one is
I don't you might want to google that you here receives a
prophet receives a prophet's reward and the all the verse all of the
translations say it slightly differently I believe some say like whoever gets a
prophet a drink and then another one I think says
something like whoever honors a prophet I know it's just they're all slightly
different that's just a paraphrase how did you learn so much about the bible
did you just study it yourself or did you follow someone
um yeah I uh I went to a school well I was homeschooled but it was a
curriculum that uh really drilled a lot of bible king
james so I can recite a lot of scripture very
poetically wow that's amazing so well well you know
because the king james you know it's just very very poetic so
I've forgotten uh and and I've just heard so much I had just
just uh and then of course I was a um missionary kid
and so we had a lot of a lot of bible you know that we talked about in the
home but then the majority of it was in school
went to college that just delved in in fact in my college we
were in we were in church seven times a week
so it's very extreme and anyway but I I chose it in my own
relation for lord and uh when um that this is
that it was important to me to spend time with them to spend time in this
word and I would just literally I have literally spent I don't know how
much of my life what percentage of my life pouring over
you know scriptures going to a coffee shop and sitting there for hours and
just talking to the lord about it you know reading through the life of
joseph reading through passage in romans and just like mulling over it and
cross-referencing and I just enjoyed it because I was seeking
the lord unfortunately I was not seeking him in
rest but um I was seeking him and uh anyway
he's I always asked him that he would give me
himself and um and he has so and he's continuing
to do so but anyway maybe he uh
maybe he allowed you not to seek him in rest for a little while so you would
understand
and that aspect of it.
Other people, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, you never know.
That empathy that you have
because you've experienced those things, right?
All at the strike.
Yeah, I know.
And you've seen the difference with you being in rest
so much more now and how that feels so much more peaceful.
I do think that there are a lot of people out there
that they don't experience that true freedom
that Jesus died for us to have,
that abundant freedom, abundant love.
I think I'm closer than I ever have been
and I still don't think I'm anywhere close
to where I could be, you know?
It's just like, you're so close, but you're not,
like, it's weird.
It's like a mental block or something.
Yeah, we'll never get to the end of it, I believe.
I believe that it goes on for infinity
because God goes on for infinity.
He has no beginning or end.
And therefore, we'll never get to the end of Him,
even in eternity.
Even being one with Him, we'll never get to,
there's an aspect in which we also are infinite,
but the understanding, the realization,
and just the relationship that we have with Him,
we will never get to the end of who it is that He is.
We'll never get to the end of His love,
we'll never get to the end of His goodness,
and even in eternity, so.
I know, it's a cool journey.
Yeah, it is.
I'm very grateful for it.
It's very beautiful.
Yeah.
I mean, we couldn't, I personally couldn't imagine,
when I stepped out into this,
I just thought that wouldn't,
I thought, that sounds like such a wonderful way
to have a relationship with the Lord.
I would like it to work like that.
And if I could come up with,
if I could come up with anything out of my head,
that I wanted, the way that I would want the world to work,
and the way that I would want my relationship with God
to be in actuality, it would be this.
And so I told the Lord,
when I was hearing about all of these things,
I was like, hey Lord, I don't know if it's true or not,
I sure do would like it, I sure would like it to be true,
and so I'm just gonna step out in faith that it's true.
And so, and he met me there,
and so he said, I'm just warning you,
so you can correct me when I'm in the middle of it,
that, hey, Ashley, I'm just not here,
and this is not right, and this isn't accurate,
but I'm just warning you, I'm going in,
so correct me while I'm in there if it's wrong.
So, and instead, he revealed himself.
He was like, here I am.
It's like, oh my Lord.
So yeah, it's beautiful.
But yeah.
So good.
Well, it's good to visit with you.
Oh, I'm sorry, did you have something else?
No, no, no.
No, that was great.
I just wanted to say thanks.
Well, thank you.
I hope you have a good night.
It is 10 o'clock there.
It's so late.
Yeah, it'll be my bedtime pretty soon.
Well, I hope you sleep well and get rest.
I will.
I always, I tend to sleep very well.
My body loves sleep.
Good.
Yes.
Yeah, no, this was great.
And I'll, yeah, I'm sure we'll be in touch
at some point soon.
And I guess as far as the units,
I'll just keep watching the videos
and then have another call with you next week.
And then in between, just Marco Polo or message you.
Yeah.
If I have any.
Yeah.
And as far as the sessions,
if you want to keep going as you're going
and then go back and watch two, three, and four,
or if you want to go back up to two and three and four now
before you go, whichever.
Because the ones that you're on now
are about how to apply it in rest.
But the ones two, three, and four
are literally the practical steps
we take to shift into rest
and what belief means and all of that.
So just whenever you're ready.
But it sounded from the questions that you asked
that you were needing the two trees
and the three realms teaching pretty quick.
So I recommended those first.
So now you can go back to the practical steps
so that you know how to actually shift
into rest in a moment
and then go into the application
or the application and then the how to,
whatever you want to do.
Okay, yeah.
No, that's good.
Because I was going to,
maybe I'll do nine and then I'll go back
and I'll do those ones
because I wasn't sure if I should.
Yeah, that sounds good to me.
I will do that.
And I'm sure I'll have some questions
as I'm taking my notes.
So I will reach out and-
Sounds good.
Yeah, always feel free to.
Thank you.
All right, well, enjoy your evening
and enjoy your,
I guess you haven't had dinner yet.
What's the time difference there?
It's nine here.
So it's central time.
And you haven't had supper.
So you-
Oh, I'm fine.
Okay.
If it was very important,
I would have-
it before we got on the call. Okay. How long are you at this place for? A week.
Okay and then you're off to? Well then I go back to Dallas because I signed up
for a conference before I knew I was going to be traveling so I'm gonna I'm
very excited I'm gonna go back to that conference and then I'm gonna head out
on a longer trip so anyway. Well that's exciting. Cool. Well enjoy and yeah we'll
talk soon. Okay good to see you. You too. Bye. Bye.