Hey Alana! Hello. How are you doing? Oh, I can't hear you. Can you hear me now?
Maybe not. I think my headphones weren't working. Okay, I was gonna say because I
can hear you, my, my, this one isn't working. Let me test them.
Okay, I don't need my headphones in. Okay, all good. Can you hear me now? Yeah, I
could hear you. My, my thing I think is my headphones being in. Maybe something's
wrong with them or it doesn't matter. It's okay. How are you? I'm doing good. How
are you doing? Good. Are you still at the conference? I am. I am. All my friends are,
we just finished and eating, so I have my earbuds in so no one can hear you, but
they're walking by and we had an amazing dinner. Oh my word. Yeah. Yeah. What did you
eat? Um, oh my goodness. We had chicken and steak, like tenderloin steak, and what was
the other meat? Oh, fish. Salmon, particularly. Grilled Brussels sprouts,
grilled spinach, macaroni, like baked macaroni and cheese, mushrooms, which I
think was made like a wine butter sauce. Um, I think I mentioned garlic spinach and
what else? I think there was something else, but anyway, it was, and of course,
um, we all drink wine and so we had really nice bottles of wine. Hey, did you
need it? Do you need in here? I can move. Oh, I appreciate, no, just my purse, and so if y'all
need to move it to the floor, you can. If my purse is on the, is on the swing, and
so if you need to move it off, you can. Yeah. Sorry. Um, so, um, yeah, so anyway, I guess I
finished saying what we've had for dinner. Well, that's awesome. So what's
the conference about? So the conference is about basically how to, how, how to
manifest or how God intended our bodies to work so that we can manifest heaven
to earth through our bodies instead of like thinking we have to ignore our
bodies and that our bodies aren't useful and all of that, but really that God has
a desire for us to redeem our bodies so that they're supposed to be in all
health and etc. So that's the pathway of explaining. Is it a week long? It was five
days, but then my friends and I are hanging out until Sunday. So we're all
staying like about a week and a half here at the resort. So it, we're in a big,
in a big lodge right now, so you can tell. Where are you? The guys are staying here
at the, in Missouri, and so the guys are staying here at the lodge, and then us
girls are staying a few cabins down because there's only three of us girls,
and there's like, I don't know how many guys. I don't know. Let's see. One, two,
three, four, five, six, seven, eight. That's a nice balance. Yeah. Anyone, any cute, any cute boys for you?
We just all enjoy just being friends. I'm trying to remember, I'm trying to
remember if only one of them is married. I'm trying to remember are any of them
married? Only one is. So, which is nice because it's, you know, it's also fun to be around people that, you know, if you're not married, to be around other people who aren't, who aren't married. So it's just, you know, it's just relaxing, and you don't feel like a fifth wheel, or a third wheel, or a seventh wheel, or whatever.
Anyway, yeah. So how about you? What are you up to? How have you been?
How was the answer I gave on Marco Polo? Did that
answer? You know what? It was it was really good and I want to go back and
listen to it again because it was really good and
okay it's interesting um some things have happened since then
and I've kind of okay so with that girl I it was really bothering me so I called
my friend the one who um like I haven't even talked to my
husband about it but I called my friend the one who called it the cult um who
went away and was like this is a cult went to my
pastor our pastor anyway I went to I called her up and I'm
like I just need to talk to you about something and I sent her a picture of
the girl and I'll just I'll give you an image just
so you get an idea of like what she kind of looks like that yeah
so this is this is a picture of her oh yeah so kind of and this is a picture
of the leader of the cult
wow do you see the similarity yeah they both have these
this look to them that's like yeah something's not right
and I I'm actually really curious if you're open to it I'd love to
send you those two pictures just to see with your discernment if you see
anything in them because I told you I already do
okay interesting what do you see um uh in fact if you look at a picture of
Elon Musk's new wife you'll see something similar you'll see
the same look really yeah yeah
um yeah it's um and and those things cannot be discerned with physical eyes
it can only be discerned through the spirit which is how you're discerning
it um yeah because otherwise in
in um in the current world those that look and those women look like
the heights of sensuality sexuality which is
considered to be the height of a beauty and
desirability and uh like this they
considered to be a tangible um uh six uh achievement of success as a
woman again as a world size not in anything
of value according to the lord but anyway but yeah
there's something um there's agreement
I'm not declaring over these women I'm just saying so please don't take what
I'm saying is like a declaration of what it is that they've done but
what it what the idea that I get from looking at their pictures reminds
me of the look that people have I'm not saying
they have them but the look that people have when they've made an agreement
it with that other realm you know meaning like uh
uh you know if uh with uh the um with where they've traded some aspect of
themselves or you know their genes or whatever
and future you know future generations for current
benefits um and then they can you know anyway so it's kind of like
Faust do you remember Faust the story of Faust
how he sold his soul to the to um Satan um and what was his name
uh Faust sold it to it starts with an m meta
meta something anyway um and it was an old classic story
of I think it's German and it translated into English and all of that but it's
about a man who sold his soul to the devil for benefit and um
and then at the end he you know it's time to pay the piper
and he has to and he goes to hell and etc so
um anyway yeah it's very it's very common like the Freemason world and
whatever but some people like like uh these like possibly you
maybe um you know normal lay people who aren't
in the Freemasonry movement or anything they can have made agreements just like
we can make agreements that we're don't realize that we're
making um they can make agreements
why um that and uh you know um with with Satan or whatever
sacrificing certain elements of their their nature of you know being
someone who was created in God's image and um and they're trading that for
success fame comfort security and whatnot so
and um those and then we can discern on them because they've made a trade
they've changed they reflect the nature of their father
which is Satan
I don't mean that Satan begat them or anything.
It's just that what you say is your,
that your father is someone that you reflect.
And that's why Jesus was telling people in the Bible,
hey, you know what, you are speaking of your father, Satan.
Your father is Satan or whatever he was saying
to the Pharisees and then when he was telling Peter,
he said, get thee behind me, Satan or whatever,
because the things that these people are saying
reflects the character of one who does not believe God,
which is Satan, because Satan is saying,
God, you're not a good father.
And so if we say, God, you're not a good father,
and I have to provide for and protect myself,
which is what Satan chose to do
and what he tries to convince all of us to do,
then we're reflecting the nature, his nature,
and whoever's nature we're reflecting,
that the Bible refers to us as our father,
even though he's not saying
that God is not our father anymore,
only Satan is our father.
He's not saying that.
He's not saying that we've switched fathers.
He's just saying that, hey, look,
you're reflecting that person's nature,
because that's what a father is.
A son reflects the nature of his father.
So whatever it is that we're reflecting
is evidence of the nature of who it is
that we're following, really.
That's why it looks like that.
That's why they get that look.
And whatever it is that we agree with
will manifest from every inch of the physical,
and that's why they can all get particular looks
on the outside, and they can all look kind of similar.
It's really weird, because I was thinking about
all of that last night,
and I was thinking about how the enemy comes
disguised as an angel of light,
and especially with the cult leader, who I call Jamie,
she presents as an angel of light, like magnetic.
You might not be, because you're extremely
in tune with the spirit and very discerning,
and everyone else I know is very drawn to her.
And I was watching this series right now
that's called The Chosen.
Have you heard of it?
Yeah, yeah, it's very good.
It is, and have you watched it?
I haven't finished it, but yes, I've been watching it, yeah.
I've watched two seasons, 27 episodes.
So on around episode six, seven, eight,
they start to really get to this place
where the disciples are worshiping Jesus,
and they're following him, and he's calling them,
and they're following him.
And we know that story and everything,
but I was getting so triggered last night,
I was in tears, because I was watching,
I think it was episodes seven and eight,
and that's what Jamie does to people.
She does the same thing that Jesus does.
She calls people to follow her.
She acts a lot like him,
but she mixes it in with abuse,
and manipulation, and exploitation, and evil.
But when I got caught up in it,
I couldn't see all of that,
because she would say,
I only do this because I love you.
I don't wanna have to be so mean,
and all sorts of other things.
And she was calling me out,
because she thought I had this greatness inside,
and she wanted to pull it out,
but she did it in a way that was very abusive.
So that's the difference between them.
But what triggered me was,
I was like, when you get involved with a person like that,
and you get so caught up in them,
that she actually reminded me of Jesus,
if he was walking the earth,
it was that crazy.
I was triggered, because I'm like,
I know this isn't true,
but I'm like, what if Jesus was a narcissist,
and he was walking the earth,
just like she was,
and he got all these people to follow him.
I know that's not true.
And it's like a trigger for me,
because I'm like, if she was able to do that,
and still is able to do that,
then how is it that,
how do we know who's real and who isn't?
Yeah, it says that our spirit witnesses
that we are the children of God.
That's how we know.
This is spirit witnesses to our spirit,
that we are the children of God.
And so that's how we know.
We know the voice of our father.
There's something within us that comes to life.
There's something within us that resonates,
that responds, that makes us feel like we're home.
That kind of a thing.
Also remember that.
at, I know that it gets confusing and can be a little, um, very disconcerting and,
and, um, there's another word I'm looking for, but anyway, uh, where we do what,
what you were talking about, like where we see the counterfeit, it makes us,
it makes us, and we can recognize it finally as the counterfeit, but it makes
us then begin to doubt the real, we realize how it makes us feel like our
world and our perception of our world is so fragile because it's like, Oh my
word, if it was so easy to create a counterfeit, you know, and I, and I,
you know, and I, uh, didn't notice it and I didn't, I didn't recognize it.
I didn't discern it.
Oh my goodness.
Am I sure I'm doing the right thing over here?
Everything all of a sudden starts to feel very fragile, which again is why the
Lord says, you know, you have to believe me.
You have to choose me because I said, and it says that our spirits witness to
our spirit, that the spirit witnesses to our spirit, that we're the children of
God.
He said, he said, my sheep know my voice.
So we know deep down.
We, uh, you know, in our spirits and in the very essence of our being, we actually
know.
Um, and, um, and that is how, if you think about it again, that's how you
recognize the counterfeit is you, um, you knew your spirit knew the truth.
So when it, when it came down to it, you could recognize the counterfeit.
And it was only because you knew the truth, not because someone had convinced
you that Jesus was real, but because your spirit knew that Jesus was real and that
this is how he operated and that he was loved.
And that he was, you know, that he's a, he's goodness and that he's, he's
fatherly and, and all of that.
Um, that is how you recognize the counterfeit.
So you can be assured that, that for yourself, that that is truth, because
that's how you recognize what wasn't truth.
And you didn't recognize it because it was a dichotomy or that it was the
opposite or that it was anti.
You recognized it because there's something inside of you, deep within you
that cannot be explained, um, uh, very well, you know, in English, it's something
that we just know in the very essence of our being, which is our spirit that such
and such is true and it's a standard and it's an anchor against which
we compare everything else.
Yeah.
So then with her, like, so with Jesus, when I gave my life to him, I felt peace
except for right before, cause I was scared, but I felt peace.
I felt joy.
I felt like I was becoming a better person with her.
When I first met her, something in my spirit said there was something very wrong,
but I had enough people in her crew that convinced me that she was amazing, loving.
Right.
So I ended up being deceived, even though at the beginning I knew something was
really off, I was still drawn to her as a person and drawn to the group.
And then I believed that that was truth.
I believed that I could do that with God and that he was going to be at the center of it.
Sorry, go ahead.
That's okay.
That he was at the center.
Sorry.
I lost my train of thought.
Um, I apologize.
I'm sorry.
No, no, that's okay.
I, I tried to find a quiet spot.
Like I'm in the dining room while everybody else was in another room.
So that I can be, and I said it, my son said that people would say I'm talking
to them, but I guess some people aren't seeing it.
I apologize.
That's okay.
No problem.
Um, but I, you know, at the beginning I knew, and then I got caught up in it and
wanted to, I wanted to follow her.
I wanted to have her pour into me, be a mentor, teach me.
It was so similar to the disciples with Jesus.
And, but it was hurting me.
It was actually damaging me.
I was in tears a lot, but not in a, not in a way that it was like
tears that the Lord would give me.
It was almost like tears of pain, tears of blaming myself, tears of
condemnation, and something was wrong with me.
And so that could be a difference too, maybe.
A difference?
Between like...
Oh, between, yeah.
Between the darkness and light.
Yeah, correct.
Because God does not bring blame, shame, condemnation, feelings of where
you feel less than, worse, that kind of a thing.
He does not.
Um, and, uh, the religion has made us, has numbed us to, um, and, uh, and lied
to us, making us believe that.
there there's two kinds of contemnation one from the Holy Spirit which we need
to listen to and then one from Satan and it's just not true there is there for
now no contemnation there is there for now no shame no obligation etc etc and
so that and and when you were talking about how easy it was to that you had
known the truth that you immediately are just like hey look something's wrong but
then you were convinced otherwise by people same thing that same thing as Eve
Eve had I don't know how long we do not know how long he Adam and Eve and that
were in the garden before and the serpent tempted them and when when he
tempted them he had to try to get her to convince herself so she knew the truth
and all sudden she's like well I don't I don't know maybe you know it gets her to
start to doubt herself like well I don't know maybe it's not like that
because Satan's like yeah but God did God really say he didn't question like
does God really exist you know are you sure that this that and the other he's
like you know did you got to say that you know are you sure gonna start
doubting that they've actually heard the Lord that the Lord actually said what
they thought that they've interpreted and that they've understood etc etc so I
mean even understood and knew and the end she started to combat sort of so to
speak she began to refute what what the serpent was saying she's certain that
asked her a question and she gave the answer God has said that it is and then
say it's like okay yeah but you misunderstood that's not actually what
God meant and and then didn't get need to kind of you know doubt herself and
desire and realize what it is just like you did what it is that she really
desired she did desire to please the Lord she desired to be wise she desired
to know the right things to do correct that you know and all of that and she
wanted she wanted a mentor she wanted to really so to speak she wanted a I'm
drawing parallels between you and you and her I wanted a wonder relationship
etc because she was built to to she was built to need all of those things but the
difference is she was she was Satan may was tempting her to believe that she
wasn't getting those things already and she had to look elsewhere that was the
thing she already knew and then someone else came along and then got her to
start doubting that she actually knew what she knew so it goes I mean Eve did
it so we can all you know have compassion for for Eve because we're all
presented with the same thing where we know and then everyone comes along to
try to convince us otherwise and and we we begin to doubt and we begin to doubt
that we know the truth and whatever well yeah and then I started it actually
that's a really good parallel because I hadn't thought about that because I'm
like why was I so deceived why didn't I see it and so then with Amy it took a
while to snap me out of it because again if you know anything about the way
cults run they are very addictive they have a way of pulling you in and it is
hard to leave and I mean I because it always leaves you thirsty and hungry
which is the opposite of Jesus which says you will hunger and thirst no more
that's the goal to make it addictive is it never satisfies but it gives you
enough where it let it makes you think that it's gonna satisfy because it
satisfies you in the moment but it's not long term so you always have to go back
with Jesus he said you will never thirst again so that's so true and you know
it's September 9th today on the 18th 19th and 20th the group is coming back
to my city they're like you know 5-10 minute drive away from where I live and
they set up shop and they do a weekend seminar and try to recruit people and I
I find that hard I don't know there's a lot of triggers going on for me I told
you about my friend Sarah who's on the HBO special about NXIVM so I've chatted
with her a little bit I can't I can't watch her special right now yeah I'm not
ready and I and then my neighbor that girl Sabrina so I was struggling big
time with her and didn't know why I just knew in my spirit something was off and
I I've learned to trust it and I still question myself to know like am I
actually legit in thinking this so I did some research last night to try to
figure out why I was feeling this way about her so I found her on Facebook and
I found her on Instagram and I started
looking through her profile, which as I dug deeper and deeper and went down the
rabbit hole a little bit, not even that far, I clicked on her
website and her Instagram,
the people she follows, and her website. It's like borderline like porn
that she's in. She's got like all these lingerie
shots of herself, she's got very sexual positions,
very demonic looks on her face, and she had one
video of her like almost like she'd made a gif of herself like
doing like awful things, like just like not nice things that you don't want to
hear about. And I looked at that and I was like
okay, now I know why I was like I don't want
her around my daughter. And I didn't know any of this stuff
before last night. I didn't want her around my daughter, I didn't want her
around me. I felt this very negative energy. She's got
she's got a lot of, she follows a lot of women who do like lingerie modeling
and she talks about like her wife, this other girl who's like openly
like bisexual or gay or something on her own page. And
so there's a lot going on there sexually that I think
is not healthy. Like I think it's coming from a really dark place because I don't
want to judge about it. And I mean I've, before I was a
Christian, I was very lost and I did my share of
things that I shouldn't have done that I'm sure the Lord was like
this is not my best for you. But I was making those choices
and so there's no judgment on that. But I think
my struggle is when I meet someone like that I'm
so affected by them. I'm so torn up inside about them. I used to be like I
want to help them. Now I've gotten to a point where I know
that it's not for me to help them. They're almost too far gone to the
other side for me to actually be able to help them.
So I can cut that off now which is healthier for sure.
But I'm so affected that I don't know how to even be
when someone like that comes around because it
bothers me on such a deep level. And I'm glad that I knew that I could
trust myself after I dug a little deeper and found this stuff out.
And it just made me realize like maybe my discernment is better than I thought
or maybe because I question myself a lot. I don't
want to be wrong about it, right? I know. Yeah. Yeah, correct. And that was
something that I was thinking about when
when you've been talking and not just this
time but other times we've talked about this before is that
is the the fact that you need to
you need to take the
not the task what would the word be take the charge
to start trusting yourself. You need to take the charge
very very very seriously. I recommend do whatever you want. Take it for the
Lord. But I recommend that you take the charge
very seriously in this in this season to actually trust yourself.
To trust and step out and act on it. That you believe because if you
if you truly believe that if you yeah if you truly
trust yourself you will act like whatever it is that came out of
you. Like if you you had a particular you
you believed that someone you shouldn't you know connect with someone or you
believe that you should connect with someone or whatever
then if you if you actually trust yourself you will act on whatever it is
what's coming out of you. So and and again it's
choosing something just like with the Lord choosing
choosing that what he says is true and then you will come to believe it and
then you will come to prove and then you will see the proof of it.
And and that's what I had to do. I had to
I had to start testing things by choosing to believe
that I really did this. That that I would be protected.
That God would protect me because truly I desired
to this was back when I was learning to trust myself. I still am. I'm still
learning and I'm still on a dream but I went through a in a more intense
time a bit when God began to do that last fall.
I guess.
So it was a year ago.
And I had one lady, I had this big long conversation with this lady and her husband and my brother.
I had him be there with me and then we, they were talking, they were walking, helping me
walk through some things, major transition in my life.
And out of the entire, everything that it is that they said, the thing that, that I,
that is just kind of like echoed, you know, in my mind throughout this whole year is she,
she said, actually, basically everything comes down to the fact that, because we talked about
the Lord and she said, everything comes down to the fact that you just need to learn to
trust yourself.
And by that, what she meant was, Ashley, you desire to, you desire to, um, to do with the,
what you, what the father wants you to do.
You desire to reflect his character.
You desire to reflect his love.
You don't desire to go off and do your own thing and reject and abandon the Lord.
And you desire to follow him.
So therefore you have to trust that what is coming up out of you is born out of that desire.
Sometimes, even if it, if it's not because your ultimate desire is for the Lord, you
have to trust that if you step out testing and, and, and experimenting like a child is
learning to walk.
I think this is what I believe.
I think that I can trust myself in this and I, and then I'm going to act on it, Lord,
that the Lord will provide a protective environment for you in which to, to make some mistakes,
meaning that he knows your true heart, that you don't desire to rebel against him.
You desire to do the right thing, et cetera.
And so he will see that you were protected even if in the journey you make mistakes.
So, but I, but my, my point is just to mention that as that is the thing that maybe you're
very concerned about.
And so I wanted to make sure to address that quote unquote worst case scenario of what
if I actually, you know, uh, what if I actually am trying to trust myself and I make quote
unquote the wrong decision or a decision that just doesn't work out the way that I wanted
to understand that God will have grace for that because he really does want you to know
that he, he created you as, as good as love, as righteous, as holy.
And he wants you to know that you can trust who he created you to be.
So he's going to provide a protective environment for you as a quote unquote child in the process,
you know, young in the process to provide you with a protective environment to experiment
a little.
You're not trying to experiment, like, let's see how much I can get away with.
That's not your heart.
And what God's going to honor is he's going to honor your heart as you try to figure out
what that means and what that looks like.
He has not abandoned you thinking that you're, you know, a 40 some odd year old adult and
just like, well, she ought to know better.
No, in that area, you're a child and he will treat you as a loving father does to a child
when a child is trying to figure something out.
He provides a protective environment in which the child can experiment.
And again, what God is going to honor in his interaction with you is your heart, not the
fact that, that, that you, well, you made the, you made the right decision or you made
the wrong decision.
No, he understands that you're just, you're figuring it out and you're trying to understand.
He provides you with a sandbox, a playground in which to figure all of that out.
And he'll correct you and he'll guide you, etc.
So just wanted to mention that I wanted to just really encourage you that to know that
you have God in you, don't, don't quiet the Holy Spirit and don't, you know, don't stifle
him.
Don't stifle the fact that you are one with God and the, and, and therefore God in you
and you that is attached to God, which is this good and perfect being, your spirit is
good and perfect, wants to express itself.
And don't think that it's bad because we're constantly treating it like, like it's this
thing we have to protect ourselves from.
Does that make sense?
So it's important that we really, truly start risking doing things actionably that may not
be our spirit.
It might actually be our soul.
And so, but, but the more often than not, I do believe that what you're going to be
operating in, when you, when you're trusting yourself and you're stepping out and you're
risking, I believe that, you know, for you, the vast majority of time, vast majority of
time, again, because it's your heart will actually be your spirit that, that you can
trust.
And then God will reveal to you when you quote unquote make mistakes that, Hey, no, no, that
was your soul.
He'll provide a protective environment in which you can, um,
he can show you that and then you can start discerning
between things, so anyway.
No, that's really good.
So I'm curious, like if I get a conviction about something,
like let's say there's something that I think I need
to say to someone and it's, let's call it feedback
about something that's happening,
but it's really coming from a heart-centered place.
And I really feel like God's telling me
that it could be useful information for somebody to have
or insight for them.
And I don't know because, okay, so here's the thing.
When Jamie would do that, she would say like,
everything that I say to you, everything I do,
I like talk to God first and I make sure
that it's coming from him and that I've kind of like
sat on his knee and asked him about it
and I want everything I say to be, you know,
breathed by him and it ended up being so hurtful to me
and so abusive to me and I still have trouble believing
that because it, in a lot of ways it felt like love,
but it was abuse and a lot of people tell me
that it took a long time for me to see it.
So how do I know that I'm not just thinking,
because she's convinced that she's coming from love
or she knows she's lying, I don't know.
But what if I think the same thing?
What if I think I'm coming from love
and I think I'm hearing from God,
but it's really the enemy, how do I know?
Okay, the first thing I highly recommend is do not,
and again, I don't mean this in a way of condemning,
I'm trying to like show you how, what freedom, love,
perfection, righteous and holiness that you are,
that's all that I'm saying,
is I highly, strongly recommend to not use something
that is a Satan as kind of a measure of like,
how do I make sure to not be, forget it,
that can't help, that can do nothing but create problems
because we don't, his isn't the measure
that we need to try to not be,
we do need to totally ignore it
and just listen to the spirit and you know, et cetera.
So as far as like you, you know,
how can I make sure to not do what she did?
Who cares what she did?
Who cares?
It was twisted, it was corrupt, it was deceptive,
it was of a totally different father.
So you don't even have to worry about that.
You don't have to worry about being hurt.
She's coming from a different heart.
I don't care what she said, I care what she said.
You know, the spirit within her was bearing fruit
that proved itself.
So, you know, I mean, you know, I bless her,
I bless her as a person, you know, in the Lord,
I'm not trying to like be condemning of her.
I'm talking about the, how she was talking
and the spirit in what she was talking
related to the current, related to our topic.
And so you just rely on, you just rely on the spirit
and know and make sure that whenever,
so whenever you, and this is what helps me.
I, it's very important that when I'm interacting
with somebody that I know and operate in my true identity
as a son of God, being one with Christ,
where I am in Christ, I'm his bride, he is in me.
So not only am I in him, but he's also in me
and we're all, I mean, it was just,
it cannot be any separation.
And then all of us are in the father
and the father's in all of us and there's just no separation.
And then, and that we're everything
that God says that we are.
And, and to, therefore,
we're always about our father's business.
He just wants to move out of us.
He wants to move out, he is in our spirit together,
desires to move out of us to into the world,
manifest heaven into earth,
including into somebody else's soul,
like somebody else that you're talking to.
And therefore, therefore we shouldn't be,
we should not approach other people
with a particular agenda.
Like I desire for them to know and understand that.
For instance, when I'm talking to you right now,
I do not have an agenda of how,
of what it is that I hope that you are gonna walk away
believing or understanding or feeling or whatever.
Because all I, the, for instance,
the tone that you're hearing in my voice
and the confidence and whatever else that you're hearing.
Cause in my, in my, because I know,
cause I'm in my, I'm in my,
when I'm operating out of my spirit,
I can hear like a spiritual authority
in which I'm speaking a word,
not a spiritual authority over someone else.
I'm talking about a spiritual authority to that,
to speak a truth that I believe is true.
And it's up to you and the Lord,
for you or whether or not you,
you want you to.
receive it. But I'm just saying that for me, you know, as an example of what you
can do to others, I don't have an agenda here. I don't have an agenda. Oh my
goodness, you know, I'm feeling really bad for Alana. I remember what it's like to
be in this situation. I do. I remember what it's like to not trust myself. I
still run into this situation sometimes and I remember when I was first
learning this and oh my goodness, oh, if only I'd known this other thing that it
would have really helped me. So I want to make sure that she learns this and
that she walks away from this session. I don't have any of that agenda. I
don't. I just, the way I'm speaking is because I'm hearing, I'm hearing a truth
resonating inside of me and I'm speaking what I believe to be a truth and you can
receive it between you and the Lord how everyone should receive it. But I'm
saying for me, me and my relationship with the Lord, I'm responsible for what it is I
speak and I bear the weight of that responsibility in my relationship with
him and he's holding me accountable to it. And I, if I don't have an agenda, I
can just speak the truth and then you can receive it however you choose to
between you and the Lord. And you might walk away just thinking, well, Ashley, that
makes no sense. Or Ashley, I, I feel condemned. Or, you know, Ashley, I just
don't think that that's in the Bible and yeah, you know, or whatever. Or, you know,
you think something like even worse than that. I can't have an agenda because
you're not, you're not mine. You're not mine to try to convince. What you, it is,
what it is that you believe and how it is that you receive or not receive what
it is that I'm saying has, has no bearing on my ability to communicate, has no
bearing on, I mean, bearing meaning like, um, has no, is no measurement or standard
that I am or am not communicating something well, that I have spoken the
truth or that I haven't spoken the truth or whatnot. It doesn't determine any of
those things. It can't, your response cannot affect what, how I feel about
myself and what it is that I've said. So I just speak the truth that what that
means is that if I don't have an agenda and then I find myself more often than
not, not saying something instead of saying something. Because what I tend to
do is I, if we have an agenda, we're like, oh, but I want, I want to help them. I so
badly want them to not go through what I went through and out of my compassion
and out of my sympathy, I'm gonna try to fix something. What we tend to do is we,
that, that is usually an indication that our soul is involved instead of our
spirit. But where we actually believe and understand that our identity, you know,
is in the Lord and not in how somebody
receives or rejects what it is that we say, then we can, we can more, we can, in
from that place, we are more likely to speak, we can speak the truth out of the
spirit and, and then allow God to create the outcome. Again, the outcome, whether
or not it, meaning like what it, how this affects your life, or whether or not you
receive what it is I'm saying, or you reject what it is that I'm saying, that
result is up to the Lord. It's not up to me. I'm just responsible for governing the,
for governing the increase, for governing what it is that the Lord has given me,
you know, what it is that I believe is, is the truth that's coming out of my
spirit. I'm responsible for that. The result of it, I'm not responsible for, but
we have a tendency to want to have so much compassion for someone else,
especially if we see our own experience in theirs and we want to save other
people from the experience that we had. We have a tendency to almost recreate our
own experience through them and desire so much that, and desire something for
them so much that we tend to put our own hands in it, in our, in our, in our soul
into it, and that can cause, that can cause destruction because there's no
life in it. It's out of our soul as the life source, which can only bring death.
It's not, it's not that our soul is bad. It's that our soul doesn't have life, is
not a life source to bring life. It only brings death. Our spirit, however, brings
life. And so, anyway, does that make sense? I was gonna say to discern between
what's coming from the spirit and what's coming from the soul, is it when you
don't have an agenda, it's coming from the spirit? Well, that is the way that you
can start to, start to discern whether you're in this soul or this spirit. So
when you're beginning to learn, okay, what's the soul and what's the spirit?
knowing that feeling like oh my goodness I really have to I have to fix this or I
don't want them to walk away feeling like that or whatever usually I believe
that you're going to be able to discern this better than if I explain it like
this when normally most people that I would tell them this too I don't think
they would be able to discern this but you're hyper self-aware I think that
you're going to understand what I'm saying when say for instance you have
someone sitting across the table from you and you know a kitchen table from
you and they've been telling you some stuff if you feel something kind of like
outside of you that just feels like this force that oh my goodness I can't I
can't I can't let them leave like this or I really don't want them to continue
to feel like that or I really want them to feel loved or if we have that kind of
an agenda even if it's a godly agenda like I want them to feel leave here
feeling loved I want them to do whatever what can I say what can I do etc that is
a pretty good indication that it's in our soul whereas if we are if we're at
peace and we're at rest understanding who it is that we are who it is that
God says that we are then and we speak from that place with completely burden
free of whether or not they walk away from the table feeling loved or not we
then God can use that that's more that's an indication that it's more of an
indication that we are operating out of the spirit instead of the soul so the
only reason I use that as an exam as an example about the whole agenda thing is
when I was learning to discern between up in whether I was operating out of
the spirit when I was interacting with people if the word agenda that helps me
it felt like this force a little bit kind of like slightly outside of myself
that felt like it was chasing I felt a desperateness if you're feeling a
desperateness that's getting you know especially in regards to someone else
that's usually your soul I get that a lot I get that desperateness and I think
yeah I feel like the desperateness and I could be wrong about this but I feel
like it comes from brokenness like I feel like it comes from not feeling like
I didn't have what I needed when I was young and still feeling like I don't
have what I need yeah yeah that's that like I said you're extremely self-aware
and extremely just spiritually and discerning well I appreciate you saying
that I think I'm still trying to get to a place of believing that so I
appreciate your insight on that um cuz I and and I wonder if those things get
passed down because I haven't started I okay cuz I've historically looked outside
of myself for the things that I didn't have inside like the holes that I had
inside I looked for people alcohol drugs sex whatever to fill none of it worked I
found Jesus that was the answer which was awesome and I've still even since
finding Jesus caught myself in places where I'm like oh this might fill that
hole but it's not it's him and I just need to keep remembering that he is the
one who comes in and heals those areas with his light and his love and and
sometimes I still find myself like if I'm accepted here if I'm loved here if
I'm respected here then I feel good and yeah so that's like issue number one
issue number two is I feel like it's passed on to my daughter so well go
ahead no I thought you were then no I was I was like so I'm not sure what to
do exactly about you or your daughter both like I think I understand what I do
but then I I'm struggling right now because of well what were you gonna say
in response to that and then I'll tell you kind of more specifically I gonna
say that it's important the best thing that you can do okay back up you know
that they say that the best thing that a man can do for his children is to love
their mother so in other words the thing is that my point is that sometimes the
best thing to do for our children is not what we would think that it would be it
has nothing whatsoever to do with our children and it's something else and
it's making sure that that other thing is fulfilled it is being filled being
taken care of and being addressed and so the same thing here is that the most the
best gift that you the most effective literally the most spiritually effective
thing that you can do to help your daughter is not related to your daughter
at all
it is to put on your own oxygen mask with the Lord.
It's not to make sure of this, that, and the other with her.
If you do it with you, two things. For one, you're creating a spiritual
atmosphere that she can then benefit from, a spiritual atmosphere in your home
which you constantly emanate every day, that she will benefit from.
And then the other thing is,
as she needs things in order to rewrite and overcome her own fears, her own
insecurities, etc. that may have, you know, passed from you
to her. Because not everything that someone deals with passes to the next
generation. Because again, you get half of your
father's DNA and half, or you know, you get, you know, one of the,
isn't it like half of your DNA is your father and
half is your mother and they're connected or something like that. Anyway, the point is
that it's not all of your father and all of your mother.
It's like, you know, there's bits that have been picked and chosen.
So, but if some of that has passed
from your grandmother to your mother to you,
then to your daughter. And then some of it hasn't, you know, depends on which
genes were passed on. The point is that
if it was passed on, she also, she, you can help her overcome
those things by, better when you've put on your own
oxygen mask first. As opposed to, because you can't give
someone something you don't have. You have to have it first.
So if I, the more I'm, the more I'm abiding in him,
the better mother, I'll come from that better place. I'll come from a more
spirit-filled place. And, and I get that. And that makes sense. It's just kind of
shifting my perspective to making sure I serve her, to making sure
I serve him. And then it flows out of me. It's like the fruits, right?
Yeah. Developing the relationship between you and your father.
And then from that, you will automatically do
everything that we're trying so hard to do with our actions.
You will automatically do it because it's who you are.
You will automatically be Jesus. In fact, according to Jesus,
do greater things than Jesus, he says. He says, you will do greater things than
I've done. Because that's who you,
effortlessly, because it's who you naturally are.
So the important thing is to, you know, like what we talked about in
Rest Intensive, you know, to, to stop resisting
all of these things in which we're resisting the Lord.
Stop having accusation against him, etc.
Believe him. Shift into our new man. Shift always into a place of rest.
And that we, we accept and believe that we are who God says that we are. And that
he is who he says he is. And the more that we do that, the more
that we're living in our new man, our new man
always knows how to, how to raise our children.
Our new man always knows when they, they have a question,
how to respond, what to say. And it's more than what we say and do.
It's our spirit that's emanating into our home and emanating into the child
in the moment, whether or not we're saying something.
And if we don't have it, we're not emanating it. We're not giving it.
Yeah, so that's why it's so, it's why it's so important
to focus on ourselves. It's not selfish and it's not ignoring them.
We can't give them something we don't have.
So we have to get it first. And so it's so interesting how much
people are willing to sacrifice for their children. They're willing to
sacrifice their lives, but they're not willing to overcome
in order to help their children. It's very interesting.
Is that, is that something you find with people? Is they're more willing to
sacrifice than overcome? Oh yeah. Really? Oh yeah. Oh absolutely.
More willing to sacrifice their own lives than to overcome.
Point, you know, case in point, most people die without overcoming.
So they're, they're, they will just push and push and push and push and push, you
know, until, until death, trying to do
everything the hard way. And then they end up dying because they,
and, and refusing to face relationship issues that they had,
you know, accusations against God, etc. They, they would rather die
because, they'd rather die physically, because the other requires a death to
self. And that's something they don't feel the
need to do.
they can survive. They would rather die physically feeling their fake sense of identity was intact
than to risk losing their identity altogether, which is what we're always faced with.
When God wants us to die to ourselves, which that's all releasing is, there is this belief
and this feeling that there's going to be lack on the other side of death, that there's going
to be nothing, that there's no safety net. But the reason that we fear that is because there
used to be nothing after death. There was lack after death. That was death's sting. That was
the sting, was lack. And God said, oh, death, where is your sting? You know, grave, where is
your victory? There's no more sting after death because after all death, you know, in Christ,
after all death is life, always, always. So go ahead. I was just going to say, that's so
interesting that you said that because my program is all about helping people overcome. Like it's
called the Set Free Academy. So it's all about being set free. And I find a lot of women that
I talk to can shy away because there's fear. They don't know if it's possible. They're almost more
willing to stay in a painful place than actually overcome. Absolutely. And you know, the rest
intensive is essentially free. And people pay, you know, how much or little that they feel that
they should, you know, in their relationship with the Lord and what it is that they believe that he
tells them. And I tell them, hey, look, all you have to do is you can pay. I mean, it can be one
cent. And most people, it either it's half or most, I haven't figured out recently, it was half.
And then I mean, it was half for a while. And I don't know if it's about half or most anyway.
Regardless, it's at least half of the people don't don't find out every single one likes the idea.
Every single one. I haven't come across a single person that didn't that didn't like it. It was
an Indian wasn't just really drawn to it. But but at least half of them don't join. It's free for
goodness sakes. Why wouldn't they? Because they realize and talking to me the seriousness of what
it is that is being asked of them. Not as me, but what I'm telling them that they would be putting
themselves into, and are they willing to do it? And they'd rather not. And it's free. So it that
the cost is too high. Yeah, and I always thought with my program, it was the money, but I really
think there's a fear. How do you help someone overcome that and actually get to a point where
they want to invest in themselves that way? What I do is I don't, I leave that in the hands of the
Lord. Because I just let everyone's going to just because someone has an issue does not mean that
that they are ready and in the season to be able to deal with it. So that the Lord knows who's ready
and who's in that season. And they can. And so I just let him prepare their heart. And, and if I
don't, I don't convince anybody. Not a single person. In fact, I've done the opposite. I've
actually, I've actually worked to sort of convince somebody to not do it. And because I could tell
that they weren't ready. And they kept wanting me to push them. And I'm like, No, it sounds like
you're not ready. So I didn't say it in those words. But that's what I said. And, and actually,
it was it was a friend of mine. Yeah, it was very, very interesting. And I just, I told her,
you know, because she's, well, you know, what do you think? Like, well, you know, I don't remember
what I said. But basically, essentially, I was, I was trying to convince her that if if she was
questioning, then she then it didn't sound like this, that she that this was something that she
was actually wanting, and maybe the right time for her. So I don't try to convince anyone of it.
And I, that, because here's the thing, when you are when someone is down here, when they're in
their brokenness, we don't want to come up underneath them and try to convince them that
they should do something and encourage them and affirm them and push them up, because you're
going to continue, they're in a poverty mentality, and they haven't, they haven't chosen.
They haven't taken ownership of their situation.
They need to take ownership of their own situation and that you're just available when they choose
to take ownership of their situation as opposed to, hey, I'm here, why won't you let me help
you?
Please let me help you.
I'll do it.
And they're like, oh, well, okay, I'll be convinced.
They haven't owned their situation and they're less likely to do what is our difficult work
that they need to do if they haven't even owned it.
It's hard enough for the people in the rest intensive who have all owned it, it is hard
enough for some of them to say.
Then, can you hear me?
Yep.
Oh, he can't.
Okay, sorry.
This died.
Yeah, the voice changed a bit.
I knew something changed.
That's okay if people hear me.
I'm not really too worried about it, honestly.
With what?
If somebody heard me, I'm not worried.
Okay.
No, nobody, nobody, nobody heard you.
And they're all in the other room right now, so anyway, I don't convince them at all now.
I used to teach people how to convince other people in sales, marketing, et cetera.
I no longer, I do not do that in the rest intensive.
I let the Lord do it.
It's entirely too serious.
This isn't a product that I'm selling them like a key, I'm not selling them a jug of
milk.
This is something that they have to own for themselves and it is a very difficult journey
and owning it is a very strategic part of their likelihood of success and they have
to do it themselves.
I don't convince someone one iota.
I leave that up to the Lord.
It's not up to me to fix their lives, to help them get their lives better, et cetera.
It's up to them to choose what do they want for their life and I'm available if they want
to come, but they have to make all, all, not some, literally, I make them come all the
way by themselves.
And anyway, so I have noticed that that is, that that's the healthiest, et cetera, and
they're not, my responsibility is in their blood is not on my hands.
If they, if they don't, don't take the opportunity to get help.
I have some very dear people in my life that are hurting them and destroying themselves,
creating truly a tremendous, it looks like to me, creating tremendous destruction in
their own families and, and they cannot hear, they cannot hear what I'm saying.
And they've asked me questions, so if they ask me questions, I tell them what it is that
I do.
They're like, oh wow, well, thanks for telling me, but they're not interested, doesn't absorb.
Yeah.
So, so I don't try to convince them of anything.
I just like, this is what I do.
And I don't try to, I don't try, I don't seek to help people.
I make myself available if someone wants help, then I make them come all the way, all the
way by themselves.
What I offer is help, but they have to come completely to me, completely.
So that, that's what, that's what I do.
I don't, I don't convince anybody, even, even in person, I don't have conversations with
anybody, trying to convince them or trying to give them help that they're not asking
for.
That's cool.
That's a neat shift.
I can, I can totally get on board with that.
I agree.
And I feel like I'm more in that place of making them, not making them, but allowing
them to show me that they're in a place to be ready before I even get on the phone with
them.
I can message them, email, ask some questions, see how they respond.
And before I get on a call, I want to have enough information to know that this person
might actually be a good fit because it's a lot easier to tell with more time than just
one hour of talking.
But if we message a bit and I ask them some questions and things like that, I get an idea.
Are they committed to getting back to me?
Are they committed to, you know, responding and actually answering the questions with
answers that show that they're thinking about these things?
Right. And they're not complicated questions, but I totally get that.
And so I appreciate you sharing that because that was some good insight.
And I think kind of going along with that feeling, you said, when it's kind of outside
of yourself here and that agenda, when you kind of feel it out here and you're like,
but I want to, you know, I have I told you like about my name.
birds and one of them that girl's living with right now
and the ones next door and they all have kids that my daughter plays with. My
daughter's an only child and that's okay. I never felt like I was supposed to
have a second one. I felt like I could adopt a second one
but I never felt I was supposed to give birth to a second one
and there were a lot of reasons around that but I think
I sometimes feel a bit guilty that I didn't have a second one
because she doesn't have a sibling and there's no guarantee they'd love each
other or get along or anything but I feel that way. So we've got these
neighbors with kids and they get along well and I
find myself reaching outside of myself to want them
to play with her because then she has friends, then she's busy,
then she's having fun especially with COVID where she didn't
really see a lot of friends except for them.
So I get I think because right now they're really
putting the brakes on hanging out because of COVID
and school starting up and everything and then that girl living there
it's like she has apparently no immune system which
I'm not quite buying a lot of the things that
she says but that's beside the point. She says that so they've protected her
and she's living at the house with three kids that are all going back to school
that are all in different classes, different schools.
Their mom possibly had COVID and she's still staying there but she's
got this awful immune system and could end up in the hospital for months.
So they've put the brakes on a little bit with hanging out
which has been really hard for me because my daughter's birthday party's
coming up and some parents and one other one that
she's friends with from school they're like oh because of COVID and
school starting up like we don't know if they can come to
her birthday party and I'm sad because I want her to have
friends, I want her to have a good birthday
and they don't seem to care. They cared all summer it was fine
when they would come over and swim in the pool and everything it was fine
and all of a sudden in the last week it's been like oh my gosh we need to
start having restrictions again and it's very confusing to me because
they change their tune and then like I'm kind of left going okay like I don't
know what's going on, my daughter wants to play with them, I
don't really understand if she can or not
and so I've been in this place of maybe a little bit of resentment
around it because I don't like the fact that they just kind of keep
choosing this and then the mother of her little best friend at school
is the same way she's totally in fear around COVID
and she doesn't want her daughter coming to Aveya's birthday and I was
like well what if what if we just have five kids and they
all wear masks and she's like no no I don't think so and I was like
okay but then she's sending her daughter to school
and they're in the same class and then I said well what if the two girls
Aveya and Hannah just hung out on their own and they both wore masks
would that be okay to have a play date no that's not okay either
so it's frustrating to me that I want I just like don't understand
it and I don't know I know there's a lot of
resentment in me about it because I just want her to have these people in
her life that love her but I feel like we're reaching
out to them more than they're reaching out to us
right now and it feels uneven and makes me want to just pull everything
back and be like you know what let's just keep our family unit and don't
worry about friends but then she doesn't have a sibling so
I don't know that's where I'm at with that so I don't know if you have any
insight on all of that
um well sorry
oh oh so sorry just one second Richard are you leaving
are you leaving oh tonight or tomorrow tomorrow
or am I gonna see you tomorrow I don't know okay sorry just one second
someone's leaving
sorry one of the I didn't realize one of the guys from the uh
that's been with us is uh is like leaving leaving like
the rest of us are staying till Sunday he's like leaving I didn't know that so
I had to give him a hug really quick he's going back to California
okay so um the thing is about um uh um the
you know all of the like the resentment and all of that it can feel
it we can create this we can
resentment can be created when we feel that someone else's actions are threatening something
that we're trying to get for ourselves.
And that would be something like, that would be something like a, an environment that is
fostering something for our child or something for, for ourselves.
And it can be good things, but it's like, you look that, you know, we, we were, we were
getting together and we were hanging out and everything was fine.
And all of a sudden you're changing the rules of the game on me, you know, and, and it can,
and so the thing is that we can feel kind of threatened as if like that, that, and it's
really weird because it's like, we realize that we're frustrated and resent the fact
that they're controlling an aspect of our lives that we want to control.
Does that make sense?
So anyway, I just wanted to let you know where the, where that idea of resentment comes from
is it's because it's like, wait a minute, you can't control my life.
And so what we have to do is we have to realize, no, I won't, I, I choose to not give them
that control in my life.
So what you can do is you can choose, okay, they've created a boundary so you can determine
where you want your boundary.
Would you, you know, like create a boundary, like if they, if they, you're originally the
boundaries are here or boundaries are here and then they decide to draw their boundary
here.
So you can either pull away completely or you can just pull your boundary to here.
Do you, are you willing to go this far in order to have this much of a relationship
with them?
Or would you, unless you can have this much relationship with them, you'd rather have
none of it.
So you just make that decision because they're drew it, drawing boundary.
And so you decide if whatever it is that they're willing to give is, and whatever it would
require of you, if that is worth it to you and, and then just meet them there.
And and, and the other thing, and the, like I mentioned this in the Marco Polo is your,
our children are, are the Lords.
And what you can do is you can, you can stand in your spiritual position in Christ and,
and declare and talk to the Lord and ask the Lord, beseech the Lord, not as the pleased
Lord God, would you do this to me?
But God says, no, come boldly before the throne because he's given us permission to do so.
And, and, you know, present the information to him.
You know, he already knows it, but this is all part of the relationship with you.
I mean, you know, just talking to him and, you know, cause everybody likes to be talked
to.
So even God likes to be talked to, even though he already knows all this about us, we just
talk to him like, Lord, you know I desire to, you know, this is, this is the situation
and I would really like her to have, have some friends.
Would you, you know, how can we, how is there, what, or Lord?
Can you provide and show me how to cooperate with you in order to, to provide for, for
it's Avea, right?
Avea, Avea to have, to have some friends and he might move so that the, so that in such
a way that the neighbors suddenly, you know, decide that they're willing to play, you know,
go back to the same rules again, play nice again, or God might bring some new opportunities
to Avea.
So God can create something out of nothing.
He can create a scenario that doesn't even exist yet.
He can literally create something from a blank canvas and he can move on the neighbor's behalf.
You don't ever know how the Lord wants to fulfill it, but you can bring that before
the Lord and say, okay, Lord, here's the situation.
And I'm feeling restrained.
I'm feeling restricted and therefore I'm feeling resentment because I'm locked in and
I'm limited to these people's interactions.
And I desire more for my daughter and I know that you do too.
And so is there a way that you can show me how to, how you desire to, would you move
to start making a way and providing for my daughter in this, in this area and, and, and
do it going boldly before the throne, that you have a right to ask and that God is such
a good father.
And this again comes from operating from a place of rest, believing that God is such
a good and loving father, that he would do that kind of thing.
And then not limiting him to how he does it.
Cause when we choose that he's our provision and protection,
we don't get to choose how he provides text.
We just choose a Lord.
I'm just going to put it in your hands and I'm not going to,
I'm not going to worry about it.
We were that, that again, part of that resentment is this loss of control.
It's like, Hey, look, why are you controlling my life?
I should be able to control my life when we feel like we're losing control.
And so we're just like, I'm just going to give it to you, you know,
because this just isn't working out.
They're not playing nice, you know, for a while.
I could keep it within my control.
And then they were playing the roles of the game.
Now they're no longer doing it.
I desire more.
I choose to give it all to you.
Therefore, I don't get to decide how you provide for it.
Um, but God in this is a loving father and he loves the, they,
and more than you do.
And he, I believe will ensure that you will.
I do know that he will ensure that he, she has what she needs, what,
what, what she needs looks like a manifested form that I don't know, but,
um, that, that would be something.
And then just releasing, releasing that resentment, forgiving other people,
which is releasing them from, um, any obligation to you, um, releasing
that sense of ownership again, you know, that whole releasing sense of
ownership is the, is the releasing the resistance is this, that's this
exact same thing as forgiveness.
Only it is.
So it's, it's releasing other P it's releasing our sense of ownership of
whatever someone did to us shouldn't be, and that they should, it
should be something different.
That is what forgiveness is.
And so releasing other people, you know, forgiving other people and
blessing them before the Lord, that will go a very long way.
That is shocking.
How praying for somebody will change our hearts.
It's wild.
Even when we don't feel like it, it will change our hearts for
us if we just pray for them.
Um, so those, those are some ideas about how to deal with the resentment,
you know, what the resentment is and then, you know, what it can possibly
be stemming from, and then, um, how to handle, you know, the, the fact that
you have resentment towards people and how to, you know, step into forgiveness
and then how to, how to not be in, um, how to not be out of control.
Um, and feeling out of control, but instead choosing, okay, I'm going to
choose that I'm going to stand in my position as a son of God.
And as a son of God, I can come boldly before the throne and present this thing.
Lord, here's your child that you have allowed me to be, to steward and
to work through me in her life.
And I am petitioning you and bringing before you something that I know that
you created her in your goodness to need.
It is a good thing that she desires this.
And it is a good thing, therefore, that you would want to provide for her.
And I am bringing to you, bringing this to you and to your attention, the fact
that it looks like there is a lack and that there is a void, and I'm asking
you to move on, on, um, on her behalf.
So.
Somebody clapping for your speech.
Oh, oh, you know what?
Okay.
So, um, the guy who, uh, who I, uh, was telling you about a while ago, he is,
um, he just finished up his, uh, he made supper for us.
So, I mean, like it was, okay, here they all come.
They're all telling him goodbye.
So, so anyway, um, but yeah, invite.
I probably see what time is it?
I need to go in five minutes.
I believe that's okay, but did that answer your question?
Or did it just like repeat what I said in Marco Polo?
No, no, it's good.
Cause I, I wanted to listen to the Marco Polo again.
Cause sometimes I like something a few times it helps and it helps
to kind of hear it like this too.
And I think you're right.
It is a control thing for sure.
And I, I kind of felt like it was, and then I wonder.
Oh, and just FYI again, don't take that as condemnation.
Understand like, no, you're under bondage and your need to, you need
to realize you, no one has a hold on you.
No one does.
And I want you to believe you're free.
That's what I meant.
I just want to make sure, you know?
Yeah, no, I, I don't take it as condemnation at all.
I know you're doing it with the right spirit.
I've learned to discern that.
Um, but, uh, I, I feel like, yeah, so I know it's about that, that
element of control in me, which I always, God's always teaching me more
and more about surrender every day.
Yeah.
And I mean, historically I've wanted that kind of control because then I
feel safe when I have a certain level of control, right?
And I know that God's my protection and my provision.
Um, so part of me wonders how much of this is my own issue that I get to deal
with versus maybe me projecting it on.
to her. Now, obviously, she wants to be with her friends and everything, but this could
be something that is hurting me because of my past, and it could be triggering me, and
I'm afraid for her that she's going to feel something that I felt when I was young.
Yeah, correct. Yeah. No, no, I definitely understand. I really, really do. It's that,
so we have to choose to believe that God is going to provide for and protect her, which
I know we can struggle with because we can believe that, well, Lord, you didn't provide
for and protect me. So how can I trust and trust my daughter to you? Because look what
happened to me. And so what we have to do is we have to choose. God says, don't look
at the wind and the waves. You're in a different position now, and God will act on you calling
on his character. So if you're like, no, God, forget what it looked like in the past. I
know that you are good, and I know that you are loved to the degree that you say that
you are, and I choose it. Even to the degree that I, even to a beyond, beyond this particular
degree where I don't actually believe it yet, I'm going to choose it because you say that
it's true, and therefore I'm going to start acting like it. And sorry, I had a text come
through from my dad, so swipe it out of the way. And so, yeah, so I choose to believe
it, Lord, and I trust, I choose to believe that you love, provide, and protect her more
than I do, and therefore I can entrust her with you, or entrust you with her, you know,
entrust her to you. There we go. Get the right preposition in there. Can entrust her to you.
So yes, it's definitely challenging. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not disregarding or, or,
you know, the emotions and the, and the struggles. It's just, okay, with those emotions and with
those struggles, what, what do we actually do? We, we choose. Okay, Lord, you said it,
therefore this, this is it. The wind and the waves, Lord, I'll be honest, they look, I,
the way that I'm interpreting them is that I can't trust, I can't trust you with her,
but you say that I can. You say that she's yours. You're the one who created her. You're
the one who created that whole aspect of, that she was, that, that, you know, you caused
that particular spirit to be in, to be placed in that particular soul and body that you
created in my womb. And, and I, and if you would go through all of that trouble and
all of it to think of what it is that her character should be like, her personality
should be like, um, you invested in her, you loved on her, um, you decided what she should
look like, her eye color, her hair color. And, and you've already talked with her Lord
about, you know, what her destiny is going to look like. Then I, then I'm going to choose
to believe that you love her, have a plan for her. And, um, that I can trust you with
her. Um, even, even if I don't believe it, I'm going to choose it. And therefore I'm
going to act like it. I'm not going to try to, I'm not going to have an agenda and try
to fix things and create something. I'm, I'm asking, you know, I'm asking you now, I'm,
I'm taking this situation into the spirit realm before the throne. And I'm, I'm, I'm
asking you to move on her behalf, very seriously, very boldly. This is what I'm asking. You
were King, you were sovereign, and, but you are love and you are good. And I know you
are the type that I'm telling you, God, you are the type of God that would do this type
of thing for me and do this type of thing for her.
No, beautifully said. That's awesome. I will pray that tonight before I go to bed. And,
um, it's her first day of school tomorrow. So I'm just praying that she meets some really
sweet little friends whose parents are open to hanging out even though we have like almost
no COVID in our city.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah. So there isn't a lot of fear. But some people are still there. So I pray that she
can meet some friends with parents that do not have the fear, maybe even Christian friends
and who knows, right? God can bring it in. I guess ultimately that we learn, her and
I both learn whatever we need to learn to become stronger in the Lord through this time
and through this experience. That's kind of what I'm always looking for. You know, when
we are in the, in the trenches, what, what is he trying to teach us in those moments?
Right. So.
Anyway, I appreciate your insight. Sure, I'm glad to get to talk to you. I'm glad
you're doing good. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's always nice to bounce ideas and
things off of you and just hear your take on them because I feel like I gain
a lot of insight, so thank you. Well, I always love visiting with you. Enjoy your
spirit. Oh, thank you. Well, have an amazing evening and the rest of the time with
your friends, and where are you headed next? Well, I don't believe that
there's gonna be anything getting in the way of me being able to be on the call
tomorrow if you're gonna be on the Thursday night call, too, and then I'm
going, I'm heading back. Currently, the plan is to head back to Dallas on Sunday,
and then I don't, that, I do not yet know where I'm going from there, so I don't
know, but I left my dog in Dallas, so I have to go back for my dog. Oh, yes. Oh, your
dog's gonna be, like, so excited to see you. I'm so excited. She's also cute. The
grandparents are watching her, so, and the great-grandmother who adores her, so,
but she's really spoiled, and apparently my niece went over there the other day and took her for a
walk and was so excited, so Doss has had a lot of attention. That's so cute. I'm very grateful for that.
I understand. She's a dog, so it always makes me feel very, it always makes me feel
love, kind of like, you know, when a whole bunch of people come over for a one-year-old's
birthday. I mean, the one-year-old's not gonna remember. You know, you do it for
the parents, right, so it always means a lot to me when people love on my dog or
ask about my dog or whatever because I understand that it's just an animal, but
they're acknowledging the fact that there's something in my life that means
a lot to me, and so it's, anyway, I fully realize that, you know, that's why people are doing it.
Well, and you know what? That's really well said because that's how I feel
about my daughter, right? When people love on her, it's like, it just fills
me up, right, that they care so much about her, which is why I think this, you know,
birthday party thing is hard for me because it's like, imagine if you're like,
oh, I want someone to take care of my dog and everyone's like, no, no, I can't, no,
I'm not interested, right? It's like that feeling of, like, that mama bear where
you're, yeah, you totally understand, you know, and it's similar feelings. It
doesn't matter whether it's an animal or a person, like, we care about our animals.
It's not like I care about my cats, like, crazy, right? And so I get that and it
does, it fills you up because you know they care enough and they care about
your sweet little dog, so they care a lot about you too, right? Yeah, yeah, so it
always, it always really ministers to me, makes me feel very loved. Yeah, that's
beautiful. Well, like I said, enjoy and I look forward to hearing more about what you've
been learning because I'm sure it'll show up in something. Yes, absolutely.
There's a lot. It's been really, really amazing, very, very heavy, very, very good.
I am, I am so excited for the day that the Lord allows me to do my coaching
business full-time and I can go attend more conferences like that because that
fills me up. Like, if I could be at that conference, I would be because those are
the things that I love. It's a lot of fun. I'm very grateful for it. So, yeah,
yeah. Exciting. Well, thank you again for your time and your energy and I
appreciate you. Thank you. Of course, good to visit with you. Have a good night. You too.
Bye. Bye.