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DASA, can you hear me?

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, can you hear me?

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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DASA, get in your bed.

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and did some work, got back to some people, but I still have a very long list,

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and that's just people to get back to. That's not, doesn't even include all the recordings of

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the private consultations that I did over the weekend that I need to like send out to people,

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and links that I need to make sure to get people, new people that join the conference who need to

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add to the distribution list, figuring out what to do with the conference. One of the

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one of the sessions aired live, but then it didn't keep, that YouTube didn't keep the recording,

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so I now need to go get the recording and then upload it. Get in your bed.

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I have to go get the recording and re-upload it so that people can watch. No, get in your bed.

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Sorry, just a second. Okay, there you go.

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Oh dear. Oh, my head. I know, I'm so sorry, and I just spilled stuff all over me. Anyway,

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so I need to go get a towel. Go ahead if you need to get a towel. Yeah, I can take you with me, but

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anyway, the point is that I have a lot to do, and I have not been able to do it. So, you're one of

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the, we're one of the lucky ones. One of the few people I've gotten back to. So, anyway, but that

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is my update. You're breaking up a little bit. Really well. I love to meet with some, you know,

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of our members in person. That was so much fun, and we sat in here. Here's the lodge. Here's where

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I am. So, we sat in here, that rest intensive group with their husbands. We had some special

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time. Dosa, get in your bed. Go on. She's testing. She doesn't usually do that. Get in your bed

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and stay. So, that was really nice, and I missed everybody else from the rest intensive being here,

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because that sure would have been fun. Wouldn't it have been? How many all be here? How many people

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ended up being there for you? I think six from the group, and that didn't, you know, that didn't

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include their husbands. It was just, I think it was Lori, Priscilla, Barbie, Audra, Diane,

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and Natalie. Is that seven? Maybe that's seven. Anyway, so, yeah, so that was really good, and then

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my best friend came, which was great, and like I already said, Audra, my sister. So, anyway,

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that's so good, but yes, so that is all the updates. You're so sweet to always ask and

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in check, especially when you weren't feeling well now, as well as yesterday, or yeah, yesterday.

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You were so sweet. I noticed you closed out your message with, by the way, I hope, you know,

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for your tears, by the way, I hope that everything went well over the weekend, and how are you,

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and are you okay, and you're so sweet to be thinking about somebody else when you're not

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feeling well, so. Well, I'm glad it went well. I was thinking about you a lot over the weekend,

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and just like praying for all you guys, and I wish I could be there, but I know that it just

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wasn't the right timing, but next, if you do it again, as long as the border's open, I will

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definitely be there. Honestly, that's the only thing, that was the only problem, so, and the

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quarantine, not even like I could fly over the border, but it's the quarantine. It's what? It's

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the quarantine. It's coming back and being isolated for 14 days. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh,

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I thought that the border wasn't open. Well, that's part of it. That's part of it. The border's

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open for flying, and I think it's supposed to be essential travel, but once you get there,

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it's either, it depends on the rules in the state, you might have to quarantine for 14 days when you

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get there, and then when you come back, you definitely have to quarantine for 14 days here,

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so I couldn't be around. I couldn't leave my house at all. Yeah, so it's just, it's just, it's not,

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it wasn't feasible this time around. However, I believe that the Lord is going to open the door,

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you know, the next time around, if you choose to do it again, so I'm just believing for that.

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Good. Yeah, and well, I'm glad it went well, and that's awesome. I just knew, you know, I wanted

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to participate this weekend, and I felt like it was really important for me, if I was going to be

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home, to spend time with my daughter, because she, she feels like,

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she's not getting enough of my time.

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And so I try to give her a lot more quality time

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on the weekends because she's at that age

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where she just really wants to be with me.

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Now that's not always gonna be that way.

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I love like this age is so fun.

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And I just, however, because I'm go, go, go,

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like I'm just constantly going, I've got her.

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So when I'm not doing my work and all those other stuff,

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she wants me and I'm on for her.

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My husband's pretty self-sufficient, which is good.

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So I don't need to be on for him very often.

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And then I'm teaching,

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which I've just taken the last two days off

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cause I just could not go.

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And then I'm doing, I'm so tired.

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I'm doing all of this stuff.

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And like what you said on your Marco Polo was perfect

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because I am in this space of wanting to help.

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And I feel like that's my mission,

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but my mission gets to be to allow God to work through me

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in the way that he does and just be me.

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And I think I'm struggling with that

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because I wanna be who's going to help them.

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And I know that the Lord's gonna help them,

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but I wanna bring them the information

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that's gonna help them.

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And I know that's not about me,

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but I'm making it about me.

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I'm making it about my wanting to just live out my purpose

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and then also wanting to quit teaching.

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So then there's the pressure of having the finances come in,

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which is going well.

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Like I'm not, I don't want for anything.

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Like God has blessed me in so many ways.

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And he even blesses me historically.

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I've seen it through all these difficult times.

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He always makes it work out for good,

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even the worst circumstances, as you know,

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because I've told you some of them.

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And crazy enough,

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my husband had a dream about Kimberly the other night.

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Wow.

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What, can I ask what the dream was?

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I mean, do you think it was?

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Go ahead.

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And do I think what, sorry?

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Do you think it was prophetic?

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I don't know.

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He had a dream.

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Now she's very seductive just in the way she is, right?

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Like we've talked about that.

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You mentioned it was like Elon Musk's wife

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had the same kind of thing.

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Was that you that mentioned that?

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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It was long time ago, but I remember that.

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Yeah.

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That sexual kind of energy.

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And she's very like that.

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She's really good at it.

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And so my husband was never like attracted to her or anything

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but he had like a dream where she was trying to seduce him.

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And he was like, that was so weird.

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Cause he, I mean, I still dream about her every few months.

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She'll pop into my dream.

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And it's usually almost always around reconciliation.

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Like there's a desire on both sides to reconcile.

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So we're trying to work through it.

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That's always my dream.

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His dream was that she was just coming up

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and trying to seduce him

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and he kept pushing her away and pushing her away

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and she kept doing it.

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But she does have this way

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of getting into people's subconscious.

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Just with the, he wasn't really a victim

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of the mind control like I was,

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but there's parts of it, right?

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And I think with everybody,

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there are parts of it that he had to break down

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but he never got indoctrinated to the degree I did.

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But anyway, so like, I think a whole lot of stuff

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is coming up like the,

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I'm really struggling at work.

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I'm really struggling to keep teaching.

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I really wanna quit.

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I want to take next year off.

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So I made this silly agreement

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cause I'm all about having goals.

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And I know it's not about the goal.

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It's about who you become in achieving,

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whatever the Lord has set out for you.

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But I said, if I get 10 new clients from this intensive

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then I can quit teaching next year and take the year off.

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So I've set myself up for this expectation

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that I really want to have that.

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And I just wanna take, I wanna stop teaching now.

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I just don't wanna go back.

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I just wanna lie in bed and do my work

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and go online and live in this space.

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I don't wanna be, in Canada, teachers get paid so well.

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Like I could make six figures teaching if I wanted to

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but I don't, I don't want to, I wanna do this.

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But I also wanna have the finances

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to be able to quit teaching.

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And so there's that

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and there's, I mean, there's fear too.

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And there's so much in this conversation

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but there's fear too around my parents

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because they believe that teaching is like the be all

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and end all job that I should stay in.

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So for me to have to talk to them about.

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but it is gonna be hard, especially my dad.

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My dad's very narcissistic.

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My mom is too, but it's different.

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It's like insecure, narcissistic, like a victim,

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that kind of place.

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But my dad is like ego narcissistic

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and he will have a bit of a fit.

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Like he threatens, he's like, if you don't call me enough,

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I'm gonna like write you out of the will.

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Like that's the kind of person he is.

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Yeah, so I've broken away from a lot

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of my parental influence over the years.

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However, it's nice that like he lives far away.

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He lives in the U.S. actually,

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but I'm just, you know,

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I don't want to have that conversation with him.

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So I wonder if some of it is a block for me in that,

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like self-sabotage,

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because I don't want to have to, you know,

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go through that conversation.

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And then, yeah, so like I just, and there's more,

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but I'll maybe just start with that,

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not to pile too much on you at once,

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but that's kind of, and like, I think I'm just worn out

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and I don't know why I'm just,

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like I said yesterday, I'm just tired.

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And I know I shouldn't be reinforcing the belief.

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I should be like, I have energy, you know,

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God's giving me strength.

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I should say all those things, but I'm just tired.

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It's important that we don't deny reality.

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Because denying reality,

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it actually ends up exacerbating the problem

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because it's staying hidden in the darkness

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and it's not being acknowledged.

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But by acknowledge something,

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acknowledging something is the first and the hardest step.

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And I mean, like truly acknowledging it,

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not just kind of like, oh yeah, well, I'm going to say it.

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No, like really, truly acknowledging it to oneself

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will is the first step in actually neutralizing

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its power over you.

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So no, it's, so don't worry.

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It's not like, oh, I shouldn't be saying this.

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No, it's very important to always acknowledge reality.

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Yeah, acknowledging reality neutralizes power.

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But you're not, it's important that when we say something

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that we're not, that we're just mentioning,

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this is what is manifesting,

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but we're not inwardly having this defeatist posture

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towards it like, oh man, well, this is the way that it is.

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We, if we, as long as we don't have that,

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because that's what's giving power to something

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to like keep the thing going.

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As long as we don't have that,

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well, then we're just acknowledging the reality.

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And so, and then that's powerful to neutralize it.

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So don't worry about that.

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Okay.

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So yeah, I, what do you think of all that?

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Well, when you said you're tired, like of what?

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And in what ways?

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I think I'm.

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Like how far does it pervade kind of a thing?

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How far does it pervade?

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Like, what does it pervade into?

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I mean, what different areas of your life?

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Cause you're just like, I'm just tired of like

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in which areas and.

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My body's tired.

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I don't want to, I'm not depressed or anything,

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but I don't want to get out of bed.

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Like I just want to lie down.

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And that's not that different from how I usually feel.

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It's just to a higher degree.

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I've been getting a lot of headaches lately and I'm just,

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pardon?

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Stress.

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Yeah, just stressed.

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And I really, I feel like I really want something.

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It's like, and I know this is such a good lesson

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cause I really want this, but you know,

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I have a friend who really wants her four

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and a half year old daughter back,

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but her four and a half year old daughter died a year ago

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and she'll never get her back.

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And she has to just be in that reality of that

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as hard as it is.

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And this isn't even close to that yet.

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I'm just not able to grab onto that reality of

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this is what it is right now.

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And even though this is what I really want,

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this is what it is.

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And that it's okay that it looks this way right now

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because I really want it to look different.

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And I know that that, what you said,

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like that's the first step is just not trying to say

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it has to look a different way than it does right now.

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It's just, this is what it is.

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And I know, I know that that's,

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a really good place to be.

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I'm just not sure how to get there at the moment.

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And I hear you say the resting and the being in him

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and all of that, but my gosh.

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And then the other thing that comes up is,

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I don't know, there's so much, but,

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and this is totally on a different topic,

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but maybe it ties in somehow.

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I guess I wondered, like, I don't know how to word it exactly, but I think I've tested

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people.

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I don't know if you've ever felt tested by me.

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Have you ever felt tested by me?

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No.

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I mean, you may have been doing it, but I mean, I didn't feel it.

295
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Okay.

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I just am curious, because I think I've a lot less, like I've done it a lot less, but

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I had an acquaintance friend tell me that she felt that way.

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She also told me that she didn't like the fact that I was always had my hair done and

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my makeup done when we got on a Zoom call.

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So she's got some stuff that she's working through, which is fine, but she felt like

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I was testing her.

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And then I was like, I feel like this is all coming from this place of everything outside

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of me.

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If these people like me, then I'm doing okay.

305
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If these people respect me, I'm doing okay.

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If I'm approved of, I'm doing okay.

307
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If I'm validated, if I'm serving people, if I'm being a good mom, if I'm being a good

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wife, if I'm doing all the things and being the way that I think God wants me to be, then

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somehow I'm in a good place.

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But then, and this is really, it's a good notice because I guess like I've made up a

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story in my mind, like if somebody doesn't get back to me in a certain amount of time

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or somebody may have talked to you about this, like I make up a story that they don't care.

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And we've talked about that.

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And I know it's not that, it's just that like everybody, I mean, I don't get back to people

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all the time very quickly, right.

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And yet I make up this story that I have historically made up a story that I'm not as important

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to them.

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Now that I'm aware of it, it's great because I can easily see it now and not do that.

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But I think it kind of ties in because it's like all of this stuff outside of me where

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it all gets to come back to him.

321
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But I really think like that my ability to have the life I want depends on other people

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investing in my program.

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And I know that's not it, but that's kind of the come from, I guess, right now.

324
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Yeah, it's not healthy.

325
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I know it's not the right way to be, but that's, that's where I'm at.

326
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And I think that's probably why I'm tired.

327
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It's all of this mixed in.

328
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Yeah.

329
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I think we're just starting to start, you know.

330
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I know what I want to say.

331
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I'm just trying to think of where to start.

332
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You know, you and everything that, okay, let me start by saying this.

333
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That you are, that you are free from having to try anymore to improve yourself, to catch

334
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any, what you're calling, what you are looking for as flaws or issues or something that someone

335
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thinks about you or a way that maybe you're hurting, that someone claims that you're hurting

336
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them or whatever people are saying, or how you, how you could do it better or catch that

337
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you've done something, what you would believe as a subpar, you know, you're, you're free

338
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from having to, to, to do that anymore.

339
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You're you, you have permission to, to, to stop, to stop analyzing, stop because, because

340
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God says that you're perfectly fine the way that you are, that he loves you and he accepts

341
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you just exactly you right now, without you ever changing from literally everything that's

342
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going on in this moment, everything that you are.

343
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:19.000
everything that you're feeling, the turmoil, which you're concerned of as what it of doing that you're currently doing something wrong in how you're processing, or what you're thinking, or the fact that you're tired into thinking I shouldn't be, or whatever.

344
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And he's perfectly fine with you. Just right now, you can stay this way as far as he's concerned for forever.

345
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And it doesn't change anything. As far as he's concerned.

346
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So,

347
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so you but you have to let yourself go. You have to allow that you have to choose that for yourself you have to choose okay if God says that and that's how God sees me, and he is the most righteous judge in the universe.

348
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And this is how he's judged me, then he's judged me as completely righteous he's judged me as complete as whole. He can't love me any more than he already does he can't he doesn't, he can't, there's not more love that he has yet to give until I become

349
00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:30.000
more spiritually mature, or anything or more, more acceptance, more, more an invitation to relate to him, and to seek him, and to be close to him. He doesn't provide you anything.

350
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He's already given you all of it. In this moment, and you don't have to change anything for that.

351
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And so,

352
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so it's important that you actually choose to receive that word from the Lord. In other words that you believe that word of God has spoken it that you truly do receive that and believe it is true.

353
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And by that it's not believing, it's actually choosing to step out on it, even without you feeling like you believe.

354
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So basically without you feeling it without you believing it but you choosing that it must be true, and it feels reckless.

355
00:27:17.000 --> 00:27:24.000
It feels risky because it doesn't feel like it's real it doesn't feel like it makes any sense.

356
00:27:24.000 --> 00:27:29.000
But the way that it worked for me.

357
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When I was in your situation way it worked for me to finally get past where you are, is, and was that I actually willfully stopped doing things.

358
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I thought okay, if God says that I don't have to do these things. I'm going to actually intentionally stop.

359
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Even if I want to do it.

360
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Even if it's a habit.

361
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Even if, oh well I'm really afraid that if I don't do this, if I don't, if I don't seek out and analyze the situation figure out what I did wrong, or if I don't apologize in the relationship, when someone comes to me and says that, that, you know, I've done something wrong, or don't

362
00:28:22.000 --> 00:28:26.000
I was very.

363
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:31.000
I was just very reckless in it reckless abandonment.

364
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:39.000
Okay, if God says it's true that I'm going to act like it stopped telling him I was sorry for things. I just stopped doing them.

365
00:28:39.000 --> 00:28:46.000
I mean like when I became aware of it when I became aware of it I was like okay I have a choice am I going to continue to do it or not.

366
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And if I show in either way I decided not to say sorry.

367
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And, and that was hard. Everything within me wanted to say I was sorry because it's how I was used to resolve absolving myself of guilt.

368
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And then, and then, but by me not saying I was sorry. I was telling the Lord God. This is me choosing actively that if you say it's true, then I'm declaring that it is true, and that I don't even need to say sorry so I'm proving that to myself by not saying

369
00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:30.000
sorry. And then, in order, and then, and when I did that, the Lord would would show up, and I would find that I was fully accepted without saying sorry.

370
00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:41.000
The same thing goes for doing or not doing the thing. Sometimes I would decide okay do I want to continue to do the thing, or do I want to repent and not do the thing.

371
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And sometimes I would continue doing the thing.

372
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I didn't continue to do the thing that I thought was wrong.

373
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Just because that's what I chose, and I didn't want to stop.

374
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That I was completely accepted unconditionally, and that God didn't love.

375
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or accept me any less, even though I stayed in it and didn't repent.

376
00:30:08.160 --> 00:30:15.600
And that is how I proved to myself that because I stood out on faith, that if it's true and God

377
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says it has no conditions, that I'm going to act like in real life, like there are no conditions.

378
00:30:23.120 --> 00:30:28.880
And then I found God. And then once I found God and I felt safe with him,

379
00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:36.480
then I started making those hard decisions that I hadn't had the courage to make before,

380
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:44.640
which was to relieve my sense of ownership of situations that I was in. Stop holding judgment

381
00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:49.920
against God that these situations shouldn't be like this and they should be something different

382
00:30:49.920 --> 00:30:55.440
or whatever the case may be, whatever situation I found myself in and whatever I needed to do

383
00:30:55.440 --> 00:31:05.440
to shift into rest, no shame, no condemnation, whatever. And anyway, when I began to do all

384
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:12.160
those things and discovered that I could be at rest, then I began to have courage to actually

385
00:31:13.120 --> 00:31:23.440
do things and give up ownership and give up, release judgment when I hadn't been brave enough

386
00:31:23.440 --> 00:31:30.560
to do it before, excuse me, you know, things like dreams that I wanted and whatever.

387
00:31:31.200 --> 00:31:38.880
I hadn't felt safe enough to give them up. So, but finally when I started recklessly doing all

388
00:31:39.200 --> 00:31:44.880
those things that I just mentioned, I finally, and I found that I was safe with God there.

389
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:49.280
I was safe with God by not, I was safe with God in not obeying him.

390
00:31:50.320 --> 00:31:59.920
That made me feel safe enough to actually risk obeying him and whatever results might come from

391
00:31:59.920 --> 00:32:05.760
that, you know, obeying him, such as in like doing what, something that I felt that he wanted me to

392
00:32:05.760 --> 00:32:11.120
do or releasing ownership of the situation, stop holding him accountable for it, you know, whatever.

393
00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:19.680
Stop, release my dream to him and choose him over my dream. That kind of a thing.

394
00:32:20.640 --> 00:32:25.280
And here's a really, really, really big thing that worked for me. And so this is one of the

395
00:32:25.280 --> 00:32:31.440
things that I thought of when you had sent me your video yesterday is, and this is what I would

396
00:32:31.440 --> 00:32:40.480
recommend doing, like seriously for a full week and do nothing else.

397
00:32:41.520 --> 00:32:47.920
No saying I'm sorry, no trying to change yourself, no trying to push past or trying to absolve

398
00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:54.800
yourself of guilt or find something that you did wrong and try to improve on it or

399
00:32:55.520 --> 00:33:01.200
get further in your business or, or have a good attitude about work or anything,

400
00:33:01.200 --> 00:33:06.000
just leave all those exactly as they come, just whatever comes up, let, let it come up.

401
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:18.240
If you're angry, be angry, you know, just whatever. And then, then you, sorry, then what I, from like

402
00:33:18.240 --> 00:33:24.960
all day long, from the moment that you get up to getting in the shower, to putting on your makeup,

403
00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:30.960
brushing your teeth, getting breakfast ready, going out the door, whatever it is in every moment

404
00:33:31.600 --> 00:33:42.400
in choose that God loves you and is loving on you receive it and thoroughly enjoy it

405
00:33:43.360 --> 00:33:50.960
and choose that he thoroughly enjoys you. This is the biggest. I would say that this is the,

406
00:33:50.960 --> 00:33:57.200
is one of the biggest, most foundational things that I did to begin to shift in a very foundational

407
00:33:57.200 --> 00:34:03.920
way, like all the way down to the root level kind of a thing. Yes, I did have to choose the Lord,

408
00:34:03.920 --> 00:34:10.400
but this is how I didn't know. I suppose it's a little bit of the, which came first,

409
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:14.480
the chicken with the egg. Did I choose the Lord and abandoned first and then do the,

410
00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:18.800
and that's what enabled me to choose that he loved me, or did I choose to believe that he loved me?

411
00:34:18.800 --> 00:34:22.000
And then I chose to abandon myself to him, you know, and everything else. I'm really not sure

412
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:26.080
which came first, chicken with the egg, but they're both very, very important. So I'll just

413
00:34:26.080 --> 00:34:31.040
mention that one first is just that whole thing of love that, you know, that's what I would do.

414
00:34:31.040 --> 00:34:36.480
I would get up in the morning and I would choose God loves me and thoroughly enjoys me because he

415
00:34:36.480 --> 00:34:42.320
said, so I am thoroughly being enjoyed right now, like right now, just because I'm me and because

416
00:34:42.320 --> 00:34:47.840
I'm getting up in the morning. And because, because I look like this and because I, I am,

417
00:34:47.840 --> 00:34:52.080
I make these particular gestures and I have like these particular, I have these particular tones

418
00:34:52.080 --> 00:34:57.120
and inflections in my voice when I talk. And then he enjoys me, you know, while I'm taking a shower

419
00:34:57.120 --> 00:34:59.680
in all of my little, my body movements. And.

420
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.000
be putting on my makeup. It's everything. When I was in it, when I was in my activities,

421
00:35:06.000 --> 00:35:12.400
I would intentionally choose, God enjoys me. I think he's watching me right now and he's

422
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:18.080
thoroughly enjoying it. And I would feel it. If I moved it too much into my brain, it wouldn't work.

423
00:35:18.080 --> 00:35:25.040
I had to choose it so that I'm like, no, this isn't something I'm trying to convince myself of.

424
00:35:25.680 --> 00:35:32.640
I'm actually choosing it. I'm choosing that. That is the laws of the world in which I live

425
00:35:34.720 --> 00:35:38.640
and I'm going to operate by them. And then I would do the same thing while I was making breakfast,

426
00:35:38.640 --> 00:35:41.360
even though in the back of my mind, I'm thinking I should probably be working.

427
00:35:41.360 --> 00:35:46.800
I'm not working yet. You know, I wonder if God thinks that I'm lazy and just like,

428
00:35:46.800 --> 00:35:51.200
and I pushed that thought aside and went, no, God thoroughly enjoys the fact that I'm making

429
00:35:51.200 --> 00:35:54.800
breakfast and he thoroughly enjoys me doing this. And he thoroughly enjoys me doing that.

430
00:35:54.800 --> 00:35:58.960
And he, and he just, and he just likes me, I don't know, getting out my favorite tea cup.

431
00:35:58.960 --> 00:36:03.520
And he, I don't know, I would just, it was everything. It was so very important because,

432
00:36:03.520 --> 00:36:07.920
because our book, we can only shift into rest to the degree that we've received that God loves us.

433
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:17.840
That's the very core of everything. Then after that, what I, what I did is I chose that I, I,

434
00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:24.640
I chose God over a lifestyle. And we've talked about this before. I chose him over a lifestyle.

435
00:36:24.640 --> 00:36:29.840
I chose him over a life. I chose him over my life, looking a particular way now or ever.

436
00:36:30.640 --> 00:36:43.600
And what I chose instead was that was that how would you put it? Was that he, and this is what

437
00:36:43.600 --> 00:36:53.040
I told him. I remember specifically telling him this, God, I choose you. And you're, I choose you

438
00:36:53.040 --> 00:36:59.840
to manifest your character, whatever you are, Lord. I know you say your love. I know you're

439
00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:05.440
saying you're good, but quite honestly, my experience in the way that I've interpreted

440
00:37:05.440 --> 00:37:11.760
my experience, I don't see it. And I don't, I don't believe it. I don't feel it and I don't

441
00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:17.520
believe it. But so I'm asking Lord very risky on my part, because I don't know what you're

442
00:37:17.520 --> 00:37:25.360
going to look like. I am asking and choosing to give up all of my life and what I want it to look

443
00:37:25.360 --> 00:37:30.880
like. And instead asking God, would you manifest whoever it is that you are? And I don't get to

444
00:37:30.880 --> 00:37:41.120
dictate who that is, whoever it is that you are. Will you make that, that thing visible in my life?

445
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:48.320
Including, you know, and you think of how that it made itself visible in Christ's life in amazing

446
00:37:48.320 --> 00:37:55.680
and beautiful and powerful ways, but also the cross also, you know, the whippings and all of

447
00:37:55.680 --> 00:38:00.240
that. So in other words, it's, it's that kind of a, that kind of a thing that we're opening

448
00:38:00.240 --> 00:38:07.840
ourselves to. And we're saying, God, whatever love looks like, whatever your goodness looks like,

449
00:38:07.840 --> 00:38:15.200
make that happen and manifest and show up visibly in my life. And that is what I want to make up

450
00:38:15.920 --> 00:38:24.800
and to make up my life is nothing but pictures and manifestations of your character.

451
00:38:26.160 --> 00:38:33.920
And and that is, and so that's what I chose and it supersedes. So by that I was giving up my life.

452
00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:42.400
I was giving up my ownership to, um, and my requirement and holding God accountable to

453
00:38:42.400 --> 00:38:47.920
reconcile how my life looked and all of these dreams that I had and all these things I wanted,

454
00:38:47.920 --> 00:38:54.800
including ones that I felt he had given me all of those things. I told him, God, I give up all of

455
00:38:54.800 --> 00:39:01.680
them. And I just want whoever it is that you are to make itself visible. And for that to make up

456
00:39:01.680 --> 00:39:06.720
what my life looks like is just expressions of your loving goodness. Even if it doesn't

457
00:39:06.720 --> 00:39:15.040
feel comfortable, even if it doesn't, um, even if it doesn't feel fun, um, uh, whatever it is,

458
00:39:15.040 --> 00:39:21.440
as long as it's you, um, cause you're more than loving goodness, God, you're all kinds of things.

459
00:39:22.080 --> 00:39:28.240
As long as it's you, God, I choose that that be what makes up what my life looks like.

460
00:39:29.040 --> 00:39:37.680
Um, so, and that helped me, that was the first step in me helping to, to release. In fact,

461
00:39:37.680 --> 00:39:43.040
I think I did do that before I did the whole love thing and enjoy thing, but that helped me to

462
00:39:43.040 --> 00:39:54.160
release, excuse me, release my sense of release, my stranglehold that I had on things. Cause

463
00:39:54.160 --> 00:39:59.840
otherwise I couldn't figure out how to let it go, how to stop holding him accountable.

464
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.320
those things, how to let go of a dream that I wanted so badly. That finally helped me let it go

465
00:40:07.200 --> 00:40:12.880
because I was replacing it with something. I wasn't just like giving it up. I was saying,

466
00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:18.960
I was telling God, okay, God, I'm intentionally choosing that. I want such and such more.

467
00:40:19.760 --> 00:40:23.360
I want whoever it is that you are. And I don't fully know who that is

468
00:40:24.320 --> 00:40:29.120
to show up and make up what my life looks like, as opposed to all these ideas that I have.

469
00:40:30.800 --> 00:40:35.760
And that breaks the bonds of literally everything that you've just told me,

470
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:41.920
literally everything that'll break it all, all of it, all of it, the money, the meaning like,

471
00:40:41.920 --> 00:40:48.400
you know, the desire for, for replacement of your salary so that you can stay at home. It'll break,

472
00:40:48.400 --> 00:40:54.720
it'll break, you know, this desire of, of wanting to help people, you know, meaning like that'd be

473
00:40:54.720 --> 00:40:57.760
your motivation. There's nothing wrong with helping people. It's wonderful. God says,

474
00:40:57.760 --> 00:41:02.560
it's a very godly thing that comes out of your spirit, which is who you truly are. And it looks

475
00:41:02.560 --> 00:41:07.760
just like God. So he loves that, that, that being the motivation of doing that, you know,

476
00:41:07.760 --> 00:41:14.960
that that's very enslaving because it's, it's something outside of us that we are subject,

477
00:41:15.600 --> 00:41:24.880
making ourselves subject to. It'll, it'll break that. It'll break this, everything that is leading,

478
00:41:24.880 --> 00:41:32.320
that is causing your exhaustion. And, and cause there's all of this other stuff under the surface

479
00:41:32.320 --> 00:41:38.000
that maybe you've been used to dealing with for so long. You, you might not know

480
00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:49.920
that it's exertion. You may have not recognized it as exertion. It's this under the surface.

481
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:56.400
It's this undercurrent going of, okay, in order, what do I want to do next to my business?

482
00:41:56.960 --> 00:42:01.520
When is my next launch going to be? What are all the things I need to do to prepare for it?

483
00:42:02.080 --> 00:42:06.400
Now I need to actually do the things to prepare for it. I need to find time to do the things to

484
00:42:06.400 --> 00:42:10.160
prepare for it. Meaning that I feel like I have to sacrifice time with my daughter.

485
00:42:10.160 --> 00:42:14.080
I have to do this. I have to do that. When am I going to get the schedule in? Am I going to have

486
00:42:14.080 --> 00:42:19.360
to like, you know, have a bit of lack of sleep in order to do that? Are clients coming in? Are they

487
00:42:19.360 --> 00:42:25.280
not? Then I have to sign them up. And then you know, then I have to start the thing and do the

488
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:29.440
thing, you know, start the launch, do the launch, you know, not to mention all of these people that

489
00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:33.840
you've interviewed and now you're going to be posting. I don't think you've done that right.

490
00:42:33.840 --> 00:42:36.960
You haven't like posted the interview chat and done that conference. Cause then you're going to

491
00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:42.560
have that, you know, it's all of this undercurrent that even when we're like, Oh, well, no, you know,

492
00:42:42.560 --> 00:42:47.760
I'm at rest. There's all this busyness going on underneath. That's the subconscious stress

493
00:42:48.320 --> 00:42:55.760
of I've got to do things in order for something to happen that in order, I need to get a particular

494
00:42:55.760 --> 00:43:01.280
results. And in order to get that result for myself, I need to do this. And then I need to

495
00:43:01.280 --> 00:43:10.160
do this. And I need to do this. We're telling ourselves God's my source, but really it really,

496
00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:19.840
if we want that result to back too badly, it means that we don't believe that God is our source.

497
00:43:20.640 --> 00:43:28.720
If we want that result that badly. So because when we, when God really is our source,

498
00:43:29.520 --> 00:43:37.680
we don't need it anymore. We, we still want it. We still enjoy it. We still desire it because,

499
00:43:37.680 --> 00:43:42.560
you know, it's a good wanting and desiring are good things born of heaven. Those are good things,

500
00:43:43.200 --> 00:43:50.560
but where we want it that, that badly where it's a problem. If we think that it might not happen

501
00:43:51.120 --> 00:43:57.760
or, or we're trying to, or we get concerned. If ever a hiccup comes while we're in the process

502
00:43:57.760 --> 00:44:02.160
and in the journey of trying to get to that point, I'm trying to see that theme manifest.

503
00:44:02.800 --> 00:44:08.640
Then it means that we don't really believe that God is our source. We believe we have to do it.

504
00:44:08.640 --> 00:44:15.840
And we believe we have to have it. So I was watching that in myself in the conference this

505
00:44:15.840 --> 00:44:23.440
weekend. And, and so I do a touch point every now and then I just kind of catch myself every now and

506
00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:28.640
then. Okay. You know, like, especially whenever there was a hiccup, I think that the first night,

507
00:44:28.640 --> 00:44:34.960
did you watch the first night? Okay. So you know, how, how we started very late,

508
00:44:34.960 --> 00:44:46.000
like at least 30 minutes late, maybe 40, 45, it was very late. And we and, and, and so I had to,

509
00:44:46.960 --> 00:44:54.960
I had to choose, okay, Ashley, you know, make sure that you are, are in rest, not just kind of like,

510
00:44:56.080 --> 00:44:59.680
and, and, and if you're, if you ever cat, because periodically I've

511
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.640
myself, you know, feeling a little stressed, not extreme, but a little bit where I could

512
00:45:04.640 --> 00:45:06.440
recognize them like, oh, there we go.

513
00:45:06.440 --> 00:45:08.480
That's a little bit of stress there.

514
00:45:08.480 --> 00:45:12.120
And I'd be in the middle of like trying to resolve the issue because we were having issues

515
00:45:12.120 --> 00:45:13.360
with the live stream.

516
00:45:13.360 --> 00:45:16.480
We could get live stream, but we couldn't get the link out to anybody.

517
00:45:16.480 --> 00:45:18.680
We were trying to figure out why the link wasn't sending out.

518
00:45:18.680 --> 00:45:24.520
And I wanted to make sure if people were attending virtually that, you know, and they made their

519
00:45:24.520 --> 00:45:29.360
commitment gesture and everything, I wanted to make sure that they got it.

520
00:45:29.520 --> 00:45:33.200
None of this, oh, well, we'll just, we'll just get to them later.

521
00:45:33.240 --> 00:45:34.120
No, no.

522
00:45:34.120 --> 00:45:35.880
Right now, you know, everybody can wait.

523
00:45:35.880 --> 00:45:36.720
We're going to work on this.

524
00:45:37.120 --> 00:45:41.160
So anyway, I'm watching all of this time is ticking by.

525
00:45:41.320 --> 00:45:43.640
And this isn't like five minutes late in 10 minutes.

526
00:45:43.640 --> 00:45:45.520
And we're starting to meet at 10 minutes late.

527
00:45:45.760 --> 00:45:48.120
It's like 30, 40, whatever it was.

528
00:45:48.560 --> 00:45:55.800
And I think and if I could have been, been, I tend to think, OK, what are people thinking?

529
00:45:56.200 --> 00:46:02.680
What are, you know, this looks so unprofessional, what a first impression, you know, what are

530
00:46:02.680 --> 00:46:06.720
they going to think about the quality of what it is they're going to hear if I'm not even

531
00:46:06.720 --> 00:46:11.880
starting on time, you know, or or, you know, just whatever.

532
00:46:12.080 --> 00:46:20.840
And or other people, other people around me that were needing things from me, I don't

533
00:46:20.840 --> 00:46:21.600
know, just whatever.

534
00:46:21.880 --> 00:46:26.720
If ever I felt that rise, I was like, OK, Ashley, you're grabbing a hold of this.

535
00:46:26.720 --> 00:46:32.160
It's indicative of the fact that you think that some result is important, that they had

536
00:46:32.160 --> 00:46:41.920
that they get something out of this conference and that it's up to you and that you and

537
00:46:42.080 --> 00:46:44.600
anyway, that it's up to you, et cetera.

538
00:46:44.800 --> 00:46:46.280
And you can't do that.

539
00:46:46.720 --> 00:46:48.200
You've got to let it go.

540
00:46:48.800 --> 00:46:57.880
And this this you're just here living, you are here being because you and God together

541
00:46:58.200 --> 00:47:02.760
in living life have decided the two of you together, the next activity I wanted to do,

542
00:47:03.040 --> 00:47:06.320
you wanted to do a conference that sounded fun.

543
00:47:06.800 --> 00:47:08.800
And that's why you're here doing this conference.

544
00:47:09.040 --> 00:47:11.920
You're doing it to live between you and the Lord.

545
00:47:12.240 --> 00:47:18.880
And as you live between you and the Lord, it's it's coming that the power of that has

546
00:47:18.880 --> 00:47:22.080
to go out because in spirit there's always movement.

547
00:47:22.440 --> 00:47:25.600
So therefore, it's going to move and it's going to move out.

548
00:47:25.840 --> 00:47:30.000
And people are going to people are going to be affected.

549
00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:30.920
People are going to be touched.

550
00:47:30.920 --> 00:47:36.520
People are going to be are going to experience things because your spirit and God's spirit

551
00:47:36.520 --> 00:47:41.200
is moving out. But it needs to be from a place of you just enjoying the living.

552
00:47:41.720 --> 00:47:48.360
Not you trying to give them something or get them somewhere or whatever, or trying to

553
00:47:48.360 --> 00:47:51.680
help them or trying to create an experience for them.

554
00:47:52.280 --> 00:47:54.480
So I continually had to do that.

555
00:47:54.480 --> 00:47:56.000
I had to do that with the catering.

556
00:47:56.480 --> 00:47:58.400
I had to do that with snacks.

557
00:47:58.720 --> 00:48:00.960
I had to do that with them.

558
00:48:01.280 --> 00:48:03.440
In other words, I'm just I'm just being very real.

559
00:48:03.720 --> 00:48:07.800
If ever it would come up in the in the in the situations that we wouldn't think about,

560
00:48:08.200 --> 00:48:11.840
you know, that I'm trying to create a particular experience for them.

561
00:48:11.840 --> 00:48:16.680
There was a time I got all of these waters for them and for people.

562
00:48:17.000 --> 00:48:21.080
And I wanted to make sure that and disposable cups.

563
00:48:21.400 --> 00:48:25.280
And I wanted to make sure that I had gotten everybody everything just like I had told

564
00:48:25.280 --> 00:48:31.200
them I would. And and so I found myself starting to stress a little bit when I thought, oh,

565
00:48:31.200 --> 00:48:33.120
no, what if I told them that?

566
00:48:33.120 --> 00:48:35.080
But I didn't actually give it to them.

567
00:48:35.480 --> 00:48:42.880
And and anyway, then then it's like they were expecting something and I didn't follow

568
00:48:42.880 --> 00:48:46.240
through. And so I've left them to fend for themselves.

569
00:48:46.240 --> 00:48:47.840
And I'm feeling all that.

570
00:48:47.840 --> 00:48:49.160
I'm like, actually, let all that go.

571
00:48:49.760 --> 00:48:56.440
Stop grabbing a hold of thinking that other people, even you promising them something

572
00:48:56.680 --> 00:49:01.080
in order to give them and wanting them to have a particular experience.

573
00:49:01.480 --> 00:49:03.200
Actually, you've got to let that go.

574
00:49:03.200 --> 00:49:06.640
Their experience is not up to you.

575
00:49:07.480 --> 00:49:13.120
You can desire to give them an experience and between you and your heart with the

576
00:49:13.120 --> 00:49:19.680
father and send that out and send that forth and and try to, you know, get snacks in

577
00:49:19.680 --> 00:49:23.320
order to do that in water and disposable coffee cups or whatever.

578
00:49:23.720 --> 00:49:32.000
But, Ashley, if you are getting stressed when something's not happening, like you got

579
00:49:32.000 --> 00:49:40.320
everything, but you forgot to give it to them or I don't know what, whatever the case

580
00:49:40.320 --> 00:49:44.000
may be, or you left it at the lodge and didn't take it to each of their individual

581
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:49.040
cabins. So if they need something, then you didn't bring it to them.

582
00:49:49.040 --> 00:49:54.760
And now they have to go search it out themselves, which really affects the experience.

583
00:49:54.760 --> 00:49:56.920
You know, I'm just like we talk myself through all of this.

584
00:49:57.440 --> 00:49:59.880
It's like, actually, if you if you're concerned about that.

585
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.600
grabbing ahold of a result. Let it go again. Let it go. It's not

586
00:50:03.600 --> 00:50:08.280
yours. It's okay. And it's you're free of that. You don't

587
00:50:08.280 --> 00:50:10.360
have to carry that that burden that weight and that

588
00:50:10.360 --> 00:50:14.440
responsibility of a result of whether or not people like

589
00:50:14.440 --> 00:50:17.120
something, whether or not they enjoy it, whether or not they

590
00:50:17.120 --> 00:50:20.320
get something out of the conference, whether they like

591
00:50:20.320 --> 00:50:24.120
the catering option. I had to give that up. I had to give up

592
00:50:24.120 --> 00:50:27.480
whether or not they liked the catering options, whether you

593
00:50:27.480 --> 00:50:30.440
know, whether lunch was late or not, and people were hungry.

594
00:50:31.480 --> 00:50:34.360
Whether things looked professional or didn't look

595
00:50:34.360 --> 00:50:37.240
professional. I didn't have to give it up. And I just had to

596
00:50:37.240 --> 00:50:41.320
get a goal. Where's my goal? I want it to be professional. I

597
00:50:41.320 --> 00:50:45.280
want it to be dependable and reliable. So people know that

598
00:50:45.280 --> 00:50:50.320
when I'm saying something that it's going to happen. And then

599
00:50:50.480 --> 00:50:54.840
and so I got a goal. And that was my intention. And then I

600
00:50:54.840 --> 00:50:58.560
just started living out of that intention. But as far as the

601
00:50:58.640 --> 00:51:01.600
that I had to let go of the result. If it happened, it

602
00:51:01.600 --> 00:51:05.880
happened. And if it didn't, it didn't. And it allowed me to be

603
00:51:05.880 --> 00:51:09.280
a son of God in intending something and then directing the

604
00:51:09.280 --> 00:51:18.000
intention. But without without carrying the but but I could

605
00:51:18.000 --> 00:51:23.360
still I could still live me. Me having intention was me just

606
00:51:23.360 --> 00:51:29.000
living with God and me just being and I had intention. But

607
00:51:29.040 --> 00:51:31.080
even though we think Oh, well, isn't the whole point of

608
00:51:31.080 --> 00:51:35.120
intention the results? No intention is the son of God

609
00:51:35.680 --> 00:51:41.680
choosing to exert his will on the earth. And so I'm doing it

610
00:51:41.720 --> 00:51:47.000
and I'm being it. But the result itself, what manifests as a

611
00:51:47.000 --> 00:51:52.400
result of the intention, that's from God. And I don't need to

612
00:51:52.400 --> 00:52:00.080
connect my intention and my living and my being with a

613
00:52:00.080 --> 00:52:04.280
result. The result does not need to is not what I need to be

614
00:52:04.280 --> 00:52:08.200
looking at to tell me whether or not I'm having the right

615
00:52:08.200 --> 00:52:12.560
intention, or I'm intending strong enough or appropriately

616
00:52:12.560 --> 00:52:15.400
enough. And, or Oh, my goodness, maybe this is evidence of the

617
00:52:15.400 --> 00:52:19.480
fact I'm not even I'm not even making a willful choice. I just

618
00:52:19.480 --> 00:52:23.600
release everything, releasing the fears, releasing anxiety,

619
00:52:23.680 --> 00:52:27.040
releasing the doubt, just continuing to live and choose

620
00:52:27.040 --> 00:52:32.480
and be choosing union with God for everything. So it goes, the

621
00:52:32.480 --> 00:52:34.880
reason I wanted to go into all of that detail is to kind of

622
00:52:34.880 --> 00:52:40.880
give you an idea of that the extent to which I would, you

623
00:52:40.880 --> 00:52:46.000
know, we're in situations, and how we live through them in the

624
00:52:46.000 --> 00:52:50.480
moment, not just preparing for them. But as things come up,

625
00:52:50.640 --> 00:52:55.040
okay, let that thing go. But continue to intend, as opposed

626
00:52:55.040 --> 00:52:58.080
to letting it tell me whether or not I think, well, maybe I'm not

627
00:52:58.080 --> 00:53:01.400
intending right. And I need to do something different. I need

628
00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:06.480
to try stronger. Absolutely not. Just live, just be and just do

629
00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:09.840
and just enjoy. There was so much about the conference that I

630
00:53:09.840 --> 00:53:11.840
thought, Oh, my word, I feel that maybe this is

631
00:53:11.840 --> 00:53:16.240
unprofessional. And there were so many times where, oh, my

632
00:53:16.240 --> 00:53:19.440
word, we usually did not start on time, even though multiple

633
00:53:19.440 --> 00:53:23.200
times I tried to start exactly on time. But in the moment, I

634
00:53:23.200 --> 00:53:26.560
made a choice, because either someone would come up and want

635
00:53:26.560 --> 00:53:28.560
to talk to me about some breakthrough that they were

636
00:53:28.560 --> 00:53:31.000
having, or some question that was really burning on their

637
00:53:31.000 --> 00:53:37.560
hearts. And, or there will be things such as people, not very

638
00:53:37.560 --> 00:53:39.760
many people were in the room yet, and we were supposed to

639
00:53:39.760 --> 00:53:42.480
start. And it was very important to me that people

640
00:53:42.480 --> 00:53:48.160
start hearing the beginning of it. And so I thought, okay, I

641
00:53:48.160 --> 00:53:51.320
could choose to allow them to have the responsibility of the

642
00:53:51.320 --> 00:53:55.520
fact that they missed it. And I can start on time. Or I could

643
00:53:55.520 --> 00:53:59.760
sacrifice starting on time, and sacrifice that what everybody

644
00:53:59.760 --> 00:54:01.960
else might think and how it might affect everybody else's

645
00:54:01.960 --> 00:54:07.200
lives, and make an intentional decision because I will it that

646
00:54:07.240 --> 00:54:11.840
I'm going to wait for more people. And that's the choice

647
00:54:11.840 --> 00:54:15.320
that I made. It's important that we own our decisions, by the

648
00:54:15.320 --> 00:54:17.720
way, it's very important that we own them, that whatever we

649
00:54:17.720 --> 00:54:20.640
choose, that whatever we choose, we only just send a decision

650
00:54:20.640 --> 00:54:25.000
without condemnation. Just because God changes, just

651
00:54:25.000 --> 00:54:29.800
because God teaches us that we should have made that, that

652
00:54:30.400 --> 00:54:34.720
teaches us more wisdom from having made an unwise decision

653
00:54:35.040 --> 00:54:39.920
doesn't mean that we need to experience or feel condemnation

654
00:54:40.320 --> 00:54:44.640
for having made a more unwise decision, own it, own the

655
00:54:44.640 --> 00:54:50.680
decision. This is what I chose. I tried to do what I thought was

656
00:54:50.680 --> 00:54:53.320
reflective of my father's character. And now I'm finding

657
00:54:53.320 --> 00:54:57.720
it wasn't as strong as what something another choice that I

658
00:54:57.720 --> 00:55:00.040
could have made would have been a reflective of his character.

659
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.520
But I own this decision, not that, oh, I'm proud of this decision, this was all me and

660
00:55:06.520 --> 00:55:08.280
how dare you tell me it should be something different.

661
00:55:08.280 --> 00:55:09.280
I don't mean that.

662
00:55:09.280 --> 00:55:10.960
I just mean, I own it.

663
00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:19.120
I made that choice and there's no condemnation in having made and owned a choice that I discover

664
00:55:19.120 --> 00:55:21.960
I could have made a wiser one.

665
00:55:21.960 --> 00:55:26.000
Just know that next time I could have made a wiser one.

666
00:55:26.000 --> 00:55:31.320
God loves us taking him at his word every step along the way, including the fact that

667
00:55:31.320 --> 00:55:39.000
if we make an unwise decision, that we don't have shame and condemnation because God says

668
00:55:39.000 --> 00:55:41.640
there is therefore no none.

669
00:55:41.640 --> 00:55:43.280
So I choose that first.

670
00:55:43.280 --> 00:55:51.280
So at every level, at some point, I'm always having to choose the word of God and he loves

671
00:55:51.280 --> 00:55:56.440
that and he honors that regardless of our action, regardless of our behavior.

672
00:55:56.440 --> 00:56:00.720
At the root of it, he's wondering, did you choose my word?

673
00:56:00.720 --> 00:56:03.320
Because his word is the way he's revealing himself.

674
00:56:03.320 --> 00:56:08.040
His word is him that he's giving us since he's invisible and we can't see him.

675
00:56:08.040 --> 00:56:10.920
What does he give us of himself when he gives us himself?

676
00:56:10.920 --> 00:56:12.520
He gives the word.

677
00:56:12.520 --> 00:56:18.200
So receiving word is receiving the aspect of God himself that he is actually actively

678
00:56:18.200 --> 00:56:19.440
giving.

679
00:56:19.440 --> 00:56:21.200
He doesn't give himself in bodily form.

680
00:56:21.200 --> 00:56:26.480
He gives himself in word that's receiving God himself is receiving word.

681
00:56:26.480 --> 00:56:31.600
So he takes that very seriously and he loves that even if we've made a quote unquote unwise

682
00:56:31.600 --> 00:56:39.000
decision, he's like, yeah, but they were seeking me and they thought that that was my word

683
00:56:39.000 --> 00:56:43.040
and they stood on that and they, and in my word.

684
00:56:43.040 --> 00:56:46.160
And when they realized that it was an unwise decision, they should have made something

685
00:56:46.160 --> 00:56:47.160
else.

686
00:56:47.160 --> 00:56:50.400
They chose my word again by choosing no shame and no condemnation.

687
00:56:50.600 --> 00:56:51.600
I love that.

688
00:56:51.600 --> 00:56:52.600
And I honor that.

689
00:56:52.600 --> 00:56:58.680
That is much more important to me than the decision that they made or their behavior

690
00:56:58.680 --> 00:57:00.320
or whatever.

691
00:57:00.320 --> 00:57:01.320
That's secondary.

692
00:57:01.320 --> 00:57:07.760
The primary is, did they believe my word of what it is I say, no condemnation, et cetera,

693
00:57:07.760 --> 00:57:08.760
et cetera.

694
00:57:08.760 --> 00:57:11.760
So that's a lot.

695
00:57:11.760 --> 00:57:12.760
What are your thoughts?

696
00:57:12.760 --> 00:57:19.120
Well, first of all, thank you for sharing your experience because I totally get that

697
00:57:19.480 --> 00:57:22.760
thought process of wanting it to work out.

698
00:57:22.760 --> 00:57:27.760
And something we learned in the wonderful cult I was a part of was this thing called

699
00:57:27.760 --> 00:57:31.680
intention plus mechanism equals result.

700
00:57:31.680 --> 00:57:33.360
And yes.

701
00:57:33.360 --> 00:57:37.640
And so basically if you have an intention that's strong.

702
00:57:37.640 --> 00:57:41.200
By the way, is tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but go ahead.

703
00:57:41.200 --> 00:57:45.160
I think a lot of their stuff was, but I didn't recognize it at the time.

704
00:57:45.200 --> 00:57:49.880
I mean, some of the tools for you just so that you now know that whole mechanism thing

705
00:57:49.880 --> 00:57:50.880
is a tool.

706
00:57:50.880 --> 00:57:53.520
And if we worship the tour, we think we need the tool.

707
00:57:53.520 --> 00:57:54.520
That's the problem.

708
00:57:54.520 --> 00:57:55.520
We can use the tool.

709
00:57:55.520 --> 00:57:56.840
That's fine.

710
00:57:56.840 --> 00:58:00.760
Intention creates the result, not our God.

711
00:58:00.760 --> 00:58:13.200
So God's word plus our belief makes a breeds the conception of a new being, the new creation

712
00:58:13.200 --> 00:58:14.860
that actually creates something.

713
00:58:15.560 --> 00:58:16.940
So we actually don't need a mechanism.

714
00:58:16.940 --> 00:58:23.420
We can use a mechanism by allowing creation to be part of the creative process, but we

715
00:58:23.420 --> 00:58:27.180
allow it to, so it's not required, but I just mentioned that to you.

716
00:58:27.180 --> 00:58:33.100
So you, if for whatever, in whatever way that this might help, you're more free than that

717
00:58:33.100 --> 00:58:34.460
old formula.

718
00:58:34.460 --> 00:58:39.260
You only, you don't even need the mechanism part in order for, for you as a son of God

719
00:58:39.260 --> 00:58:41.900
to create a result, but anyway, go ahead.

720
00:58:41.900 --> 00:58:44.020
Well, and that's, that's what they teach.

721
00:58:44.020 --> 00:58:48.380
So basically they teach first the intention plus mechanism equals result.

722
00:58:48.380 --> 00:58:53.700
But they're like, if your intention is strong enough, the mechanism will appear.

723
00:58:53.700 --> 00:58:58.020
And so basically they take out the mechanism part and say, intention equals result.

724
00:58:58.020 --> 00:59:03.300
So basically if your intention is strong enough, you will get the result that you're intending

725
00:59:03.300 --> 00:59:05.900
to get because your intention is so strong.

726
00:59:05.900 --> 00:59:06.900
Right.

727
00:59:06.900 --> 00:59:12.620
It's still the knowledge of good and evil because intention isn't built by strength.

728
00:59:12.620 --> 00:59:13.620
That's true.

729
00:59:13.620 --> 00:59:17.260
The knowledge of good and evil, where you're your own source and you have to work it up.

730
00:59:17.260 --> 00:59:21.580
Intention in the spirit is, can be this as small as the mustard seed.

731
00:59:21.580 --> 00:59:26.020
Remember faith, small of the mustard seed, the size of intention doesn't matter.

732
00:59:26.020 --> 00:59:29.460
Authority of the son of God speaking is, is enough.

733
00:59:29.460 --> 00:59:36.460
So intention in the spirit that bring, that brings a manifestation is actually, is actually

734
00:59:36.460 --> 00:59:40.940
authority, not, not strength.

735
00:59:40.940 --> 00:59:42.860
So anyway, you're more free than that.

736
00:59:42.860 --> 00:59:47.900
Well, and I think that's the difference because they were teaching it like it's my intention

737
00:59:47.900 --> 00:59:48.900
and my strength.

738
00:59:48.900 --> 00:59:53.780
And if I can't do it, then my intention is not strong enough, but the way you're saying

739
00:59:53.780 --> 00:59:54.780
it.

740
00:59:54.780 --> 00:59:55.780
Yeah.

741
00:59:55.780 --> 00:59:58.900
And then the, the, so what you're saying is like, you know, as small as a mustard seed,

742
00:59:58.900 --> 01:00:00.020
if we have faith, we have the authority.

743
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.800
authority for our intention to manifest through the Holy Spirit, right? So, so then,

744
01:00:07.920 --> 01:00:15.040
if the result doesn't happen, if we have, like, if I have a really strong intention, for example,

745
01:00:15.040 --> 01:00:20.640
that my intention is I want to have 10 clients come from this intensive, so that I can quit

746
01:00:20.640 --> 01:00:27.120
teaching for a year anyway, and see what happens. And that's my intention. That's what I want.

747
01:00:27.120 --> 01:00:33.200
That's what I'm, and I'm a son of God, so I can make it happen and get the result. But then what

748
01:00:33.200 --> 01:00:37.840
if the result doesn't happen, right? Like, what if my intention is strong, and I do have faith,

749
01:00:37.840 --> 01:00:48.000
and I do trust and it doesn't happen, then, then what? So again, intention,

750
01:00:48.000 --> 01:00:56.160
um, intention, because we're a son of intention, strictly because we're a son of God,

751
01:00:57.040 --> 01:01:00.800
is still operating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. In other words,

752
01:01:00.800 --> 01:01:05.920
it's an isolation and separation from the Lord. Like I intend this, this is what I want.

753
01:01:06.640 --> 01:01:12.160
When we intend something in the Spirit, abiding in God, we're in the Father's heart,

754
01:01:12.240 --> 01:01:18.880
and we're very aware of His heart, His desires, because we're living life together. It's our

755
01:01:18.880 --> 01:01:26.320
conjoined wills, our conjoined intention that manifests something into the earth, and that

756
01:01:26.320 --> 01:01:35.440
propels us forward in life, existence, relationship with Him, whatever. It's conjoined intention. So

757
01:01:35.440 --> 01:01:43.600
in other words, He, His opinion has a weight in the conversation, and depending on our spiritual

758
01:01:43.600 --> 01:01:51.440
maturity, it usually has a vast majority of the weight of the conversation. Think of a 35-year-old

759
01:01:51.440 --> 01:01:57.280
versus a 35-year-old father versus a five-year-old son. If he asked the son what he wants to do,

760
01:01:58.480 --> 01:02:05.120
who, um, who bears more weight as the decision maker in the discussion? Is it the five-year-old

761
01:02:05.120 --> 01:02:10.480
or the 35-year-old? It's the 35-year-old, because even though he's, he's trying to teach his son,

762
01:02:10.480 --> 01:02:15.600
he's trying to offer his son the opportunity, hey, what would you like to do? If the son,

763
01:02:15.600 --> 01:02:22.960
if they live in Seattle, or say they live in, they live in, um, where do you live again? Ontario?

764
01:02:24.000 --> 01:02:30.400
Ontario, okay. Um, if you, if you live, um, you know, say you live in Ontario, and your child,

765
01:02:30.400 --> 01:02:36.960
you know, right now, so Avea, Avea wants to go, if you ask her, what do you want to do today?

766
01:02:36.960 --> 01:02:44.960
And she says, I want to go to Disney World. Well, I'm sorry, we can't. The border's closed.

767
01:02:46.560 --> 01:02:54.000
It's, it's a whole long plane flight away. We can't do it. You know, you, you bear more weight

768
01:02:54.000 --> 01:02:58.560
in the decision making process, but you're more aware of what's going on. You're more,

769
01:02:58.560 --> 01:03:04.560
you're the more mature one, but you did ask her what she wanted, so you gave her an opportunity

770
01:03:04.560 --> 01:03:11.120
to contribute to what was y'all were going to do today, but you bear more weight in it,

771
01:03:11.120 --> 01:03:17.040
but as she gets older, she actually gets, you know, she gets to be a teenager. Finally,

772
01:03:17.040 --> 01:03:22.080
she gets to be an adult, and y'all decide what it is that y'all want to do a particular day.

773
01:03:22.720 --> 01:03:30.720
Then she actually, her opinion bears more, bears more equal weight in the discussion.

774
01:03:30.720 --> 01:03:35.280
So it's the same thing between when us, us and the father. So it's not just strictly our intention

775
01:03:35.280 --> 01:03:42.640
of this is what I've decided that I want, and I'm son of God, so therefore in my power, and God's

776
01:03:42.640 --> 01:03:49.520
given me power and authority to create something on the earth. It's, it's conjoined with the Lord,

777
01:03:50.480 --> 01:03:58.800
just, here's the, here's the picture. I, I drew this in the, in the,

778
01:04:01.840 --> 01:04:11.920
God gave me this in, I think, the second, the second five-day conference online, second five-day

779
01:04:11.920 --> 01:04:17.600
online conference that I did, and then I, I mentioned it in this, in the conference on

780
01:04:18.560 --> 01:04:25.040
Sunday. Anyway, so here we go. So you've got, can, is it backwards for you or right side?

781
01:04:25.920 --> 01:04:31.600
It looks good to me. Okay. Okay, good. All right. So you've got man and woman,

782
01:04:31.600 --> 01:04:36.240
and you see all of these different things, you know, I don't remember what, you know, God,

783
01:04:36.240 --> 01:04:44.080
man, what is it? Oh, yeah. Masculine, God, man, spirit. And then over here, you know,

784
01:04:44.160 --> 01:04:53.520
feminine, bride. So masculine, feminine, God, and his bride, and then man, woman, and then spirit

785
01:04:53.520 --> 01:04:59.760
and waters, which is interesting, because spirit hovered over the waters, and spirit hovered over

786
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.560
You know, so in other words, it was just another picture of two different contributors coming

787
01:05:07.560 --> 01:05:09.240
together to co-create.

788
01:05:09.240 --> 01:05:15.520
So we're very familiar of a man and a woman coming together to create a living being,

789
01:05:15.520 --> 01:05:17.200
creating a living being.

790
01:05:17.200 --> 01:05:24.280
And the man physically, according to his anatomy, we all know, was meant to initiate.

791
01:05:24.280 --> 01:05:29.800
And a woman physically, her anatomy shows that she's meant to receive effortlessly.

792
01:05:29.800 --> 01:05:39.120
However, even though a man initiates and a woman effortlessly receives, both of them

793
01:05:39.120 --> 01:05:42.100
have a contribution.

794
01:05:42.100 --> 01:05:46.760
He has the seed and she also has to supply the seed.

795
01:05:46.760 --> 01:05:53.680
Just because she receives the man, if she does not provide a seed, nothing can manifest.

796
01:05:53.680 --> 01:05:58.320
Nothing can, nothing can, you don't have conception.

797
01:05:58.320 --> 01:06:06.680
So with us, with our, I was trying to see if I, no, I didn't miss anything.

798
01:06:06.680 --> 01:06:07.680
Okay.

799
01:06:07.680 --> 01:06:15.480
Also, fascinatingly, just to carry on with the theme, man is the seed and he plants his

800
01:06:15.480 --> 01:06:18.580
seed in the woman's field.

801
01:06:18.580 --> 01:06:22.200
Woman is the field in which a husband plants his seed.

802
01:06:22.720 --> 01:06:25.720
Anyway, so, but there you go.

803
01:06:25.720 --> 01:06:31.440
Just like God plants his seed in us, and there's that gestation period of something.

804
01:06:31.440 --> 01:06:36.280
When God intends something and he gives it to us, think, for instance, a dream, a goal,

805
01:06:36.280 --> 01:06:38.800
a vision, whatever, or something else.

806
01:06:38.800 --> 01:06:44.200
Something else that's going to be birthed into humanity, birthed into creation.

807
01:06:44.200 --> 01:06:49.160
It's a seed that initially comes from the Lord, but in order for it to actually manifest

808
01:06:49.160 --> 01:06:55.720
as something physically on, in the earth, it has to have our contribution and our seed.

809
01:06:55.720 --> 01:06:56.720
Okay.

810
01:06:56.720 --> 01:07:00.720
So another thing I forgot to mention there, masculine is word.

811
01:07:00.720 --> 01:07:05.720
From God, we have word, and then we provide the faith.

812
01:07:05.720 --> 01:07:13.960
That is how, that is how we receive his word, is word, and then we, and then we receive

813
01:07:13.960 --> 01:07:17.120
it, is our, we have faith in it.

814
01:07:17.120 --> 01:07:19.480
We actually believe it.

815
01:07:19.480 --> 01:07:22.640
Faith is in, we choose it.

816
01:07:22.640 --> 01:07:33.440
And anyway, but then, so if God says it first, and then we choose to believe it, that intentionally,

817
01:07:33.440 --> 01:07:41.680
we intentionally choose to believe it, not lackadaisically, and just kind of very passively.

818
01:07:42.080 --> 01:07:46.800
Would be like a woman receiving a man, but not providing a seed.

819
01:07:48.160 --> 01:07:50.800
Her seed in a way is her intention.

820
01:07:51.680 --> 01:07:54.400
That's what she's bringing to the table as well.

821
01:07:54.400 --> 01:08:01.280
But the father presents first, you know, presents an idea, or not necessarily.

822
01:08:01.280 --> 01:08:03.360
And I, it's not just an idea.

823
01:08:03.360 --> 01:08:05.600
We can originate the ideas.

824
01:08:05.600 --> 01:08:08.000
We can, then we present them to the Lord.

825
01:08:08.000 --> 01:08:08.960
Hey, what do you think?

826
01:08:08.960 --> 01:08:11.920
Just kind of like, you know, between a man and a woman, you know, if they have physical

827
01:08:11.920 --> 01:08:13.680
intimacy, a woman can initiate, right?

828
01:08:13.680 --> 01:08:14.880
One can initiate.

829
01:08:14.880 --> 01:08:20.800
But the point is that, that the two of them have to decide together.

830
01:08:20.800 --> 01:08:22.560
This is what we want to do together.

831
01:08:22.560 --> 01:08:26.240
Otherwise, there's a violation of one or the other's free will.

832
01:08:26.240 --> 01:08:28.080
And in the physical, it's called rape.

833
01:08:28.640 --> 01:08:33.840
You know, if the Lord, the Lord does not like us to violate, you know, each other's, it

834
01:08:33.840 --> 01:08:38.479
does not allow us to violate each other's free will, you know, between us and the Lord.

835
01:08:38.479 --> 01:08:42.240
So even if we come up with an idea, hey, Lord, this is what it is that I would like.

836
01:08:43.600 --> 01:08:45.840
Well, it's, it's a joint decision.

837
01:08:45.840 --> 01:08:47.760
This is what we want to do together.

838
01:08:47.760 --> 01:08:52.080
If it's not a joint decision, and we just decide we want to do it, and we want the Lord

839
01:08:52.080 --> 01:08:56.080
to bless it, that's operating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which is

840
01:08:56.080 --> 01:08:59.040
where we have to come up with our own life source for it.

841
01:08:59.040 --> 01:09:02.880
And we don't have a life source when we're, when we believe that we're separated from

842
01:09:02.880 --> 01:09:05.200
God and we have nothing to give it but death.

843
01:09:05.520 --> 01:09:08.240
In the Lord, though, in spirit, we have life.

844
01:09:08.800 --> 01:09:14.720
So anyway, we, we, we can come up with an idea, but we have to present it to the Lord

845
01:09:14.720 --> 01:09:15.600
we're married to him.

846
01:09:16.160 --> 01:09:18.640
This has to be the two of us doing this thing together.

847
01:09:18.640 --> 01:09:24.240
Each of us provides a seed, a woman's seed alone cannot impregnate her.

848
01:09:25.600 --> 01:09:31.520
So a man and a, and a, and a, and a woman have to each provide a seed in order for it

849
01:09:31.520 --> 01:09:34.000
to bond and actually manifest.

850
01:09:34.160 --> 01:09:40.880
So that's why people can get very frustrated like, well, Lord, you know, I've intended

851
01:09:40.880 --> 01:09:45.520
something and, and I have faith for it and I'm a son of God.

852
01:09:45.520 --> 01:09:47.279
And therefore I've made this decision.

853
01:09:47.920 --> 01:09:52.960
And, and you said that I could come up with ideas, but if we're doing all of the right

854
01:09:52.960 --> 01:09:56.880
things, you know, intention, and we're, and we believe that we're standing in power and

855
01:09:56.880 --> 01:10:00.720
authority and whatever, but we're doing all of the right things.

856
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.240
it separate from God, not in conjoined wills, then we have to exert all of the, all of the

857
01:10:06.240 --> 01:10:09.160
effort and energy on our, on our own.

858
01:10:09.160 --> 01:10:11.240
And it's 10 times harder.

859
01:10:11.240 --> 01:10:12.400
You can get it.

860
01:10:12.400 --> 01:10:18.080
You can still get the result that you want, but you can't get it by spirit.

861
01:10:18.080 --> 01:10:22.680
You can, you have to, uh, because it's outside, it's in separation from the Lord.

862
01:10:22.680 --> 01:10:28.520
So it's, it's all of this tips, tricks, strategies, business, business formulas, and it's a lot

863
01:10:28.520 --> 01:10:29.520
of work.

864
01:10:29.520 --> 01:10:34.880
So in order to do it from rest, in order to do it from the, Hey God, you know, um, I have

865
01:10:34.880 --> 01:10:35.880
a dream.

866
01:10:35.880 --> 01:10:36.880
I have an idea.

867
01:10:36.880 --> 01:10:37.880
I'd really like this.

868
01:10:37.880 --> 01:10:40.640
What is your thoughts and dreams and ideas about this?

869
01:10:40.640 --> 01:10:43.720
Is this how you and I would like to live life together?

870
01:10:43.720 --> 01:10:50.640
Do we want, you know, 10 clients do we want because of this, because of this, because

871
01:10:50.640 --> 01:10:54.120
of this, whatever, is this what we want to do?

872
01:10:54.120 --> 01:10:56.760
And ultimately though, that's not the choice.

873
01:10:56.760 --> 01:11:01.640
Ultimately if you're, if you're, um, the question that we're really asking the Lord that you're

874
01:11:01.640 --> 01:11:06.960
really asking the Lord, there is God, I want to, I want to quit teaching.

875
01:11:06.960 --> 01:11:13.440
I want to stay at home, DASA, get in your bed, go on, get in your bed.

876
01:11:13.440 --> 01:11:20.280
I want to stay at home because whoops, sorry, I've got, um, these couches swing.

877
01:11:21.280 --> 01:11:25.680
So yeah, they, um, in fact, let me just show you real quick.

878
01:11:25.680 --> 01:11:29.680
So they, they swing way up there.

879
01:11:29.680 --> 01:11:30.680
Love it.

880
01:11:30.680 --> 01:11:33.200
So yeah, it's, it's a lot of fun.

881
01:11:33.200 --> 01:11:37.880
So the, this is two swinging couches and that's another swinging couch, you know, way up there.

882
01:11:37.880 --> 01:11:40.840
Oh, it's really fun.

883
01:11:40.840 --> 01:11:42.600
It's 3000 square feet.

884
01:11:42.600 --> 01:11:44.200
It's like all of these half levels.

885
01:11:44.200 --> 01:11:49.920
It's one, two, three, four, five, six half levels.

886
01:11:49.920 --> 01:11:50.920
It's really fun.

887
01:11:50.920 --> 01:11:51.920
Anyway.

888
01:11:51.920 --> 01:11:56.160
Um, and you have a deck outside and then if you add the other deck, that's the seventh

889
01:11:56.160 --> 01:12:03.360
half level, but, um, so, um, anyway, if we, if we go ahead.

890
01:12:03.360 --> 01:12:06.920
Well, I was just going to ask, cause what's coming up for me when you're talking among

891
01:12:06.920 --> 01:12:12.120
many things is, so what is keeping me from partnering with him?

892
01:12:12.120 --> 01:12:16.000
Why do I feel like I want to do it on my own?

893
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:19.360
You know, I, I think there's a history of that.

894
01:12:19.800 --> 01:12:24.200
I think I've, because I wasn't a Christian until I was 30, I did a lot of things on my

895
01:12:24.200 --> 01:12:28.360
own and I was able to get where I am on my own to a certain degree.

896
01:12:28.360 --> 01:12:32.840
But then when I partner with God and he came into my life, it was like a whole new level,

897
01:12:32.840 --> 01:12:36.560
but it often took pain to get to the next level.

898
01:12:36.560 --> 01:12:37.560
Yes.

899
01:12:37.560 --> 01:12:44.720
So here I am and I want to honor him and I want to do the things and I want to co-create

900
01:12:44.720 --> 01:12:45.720
with him.

901
01:12:45.720 --> 01:12:49.840
But at the same time, I'm kind of like in that place of being the five-year-old who

902
01:12:49.840 --> 01:12:54.680
wants my way and is like, well, fine, daddy, if you're not going to take me to Disney world,

903
01:12:54.680 --> 01:12:56.760
then I'm going to find my own way there.

904
01:12:56.760 --> 01:13:00.280
And then I pack my bag and leave the house and walk, you know, 10 feet down the street

905
01:13:00.280 --> 01:13:06.680
and realize that it was a stupid idea, but I, you know, but that's how it feels.

906
01:13:06.680 --> 01:13:13.120
It feels like I'm, I know, you know, while you're talking, I'm like, I know that I am,

907
01:13:13.120 --> 01:13:19.200
I am doing this on my own, but I think I'm doing it with him, but I'm not.

908
01:13:19.200 --> 01:13:21.360
So why am I not doing it with him?

909
01:13:21.360 --> 01:13:25.120
Like, why am I scared to surrender this to him?

910
01:13:25.120 --> 01:13:33.520
Because I'm afraid that he, I don't like people having control over me.

911
01:13:33.520 --> 01:13:39.280
I have had people have control over me and it has not been good.

912
01:13:39.280 --> 01:13:45.280
I know God's not a person, however, I think that's, I'm projecting that onto God because

913
01:13:45.280 --> 01:13:51.440
I'm like, I don't want to give anyone control over me again and end up losing myself because

914
01:13:51.440 --> 01:13:53.160
that was pretty horrible.

915
01:13:53.160 --> 01:13:55.200
And I mean, I've had a lot of narcissists in my life.

916
01:13:55.200 --> 01:13:56.600
I was raised by narcissists.

917
01:13:56.600 --> 01:13:59.280
I just went through that whole cult experience.

918
01:13:59.280 --> 01:14:07.320
I don't know that I fully want to surrender because I don't want to end up in a difficult

919
01:14:07.320 --> 01:14:08.400
situation again.

920
01:14:08.400 --> 01:14:12.520
And I feel like if I surrender this piece of me that I might lose myself, even though

921
01:14:12.520 --> 01:14:17.400
I know it's the right thing, because my identity is in him, it's, that's just where I'm at.

922
01:14:17.400 --> 01:14:18.400
Correct.

923
01:14:18.400 --> 01:14:20.760
No, you're absolutely right.

924
01:14:20.760 --> 01:14:24.200
And very insightful as always.

925
01:14:24.200 --> 01:14:28.640
You're very, you're always very brave to face yourself in truth and reality.

926
01:14:28.640 --> 01:14:29.640
It's very, very important.

927
01:14:29.640 --> 01:14:30.640
It's very powerful.

928
01:14:30.640 --> 01:14:44.080
And anyway, but, but yes, it's that that's exactly, that's exactly right.

929
01:14:44.080 --> 01:14:52.440
We take woundings that we have and we project them onto the Lord, you know, father wounds

930
01:14:52.440 --> 01:14:57.800
and mother wounds, you know, father wounds that I can't expect to be provided for protected

931
01:14:57.800 --> 01:14:59.920
or identified and mother wounds.

932
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.560
I can't expect to be loved, liked, or comforted.

933
01:15:03.560 --> 01:15:05.880
And we project those onto the Lord.

934
01:15:05.880 --> 01:15:08.400
And we don't feel safe with him.

935
01:15:08.400 --> 01:15:11.040
And that's why we're not at rest,

936
01:15:11.040 --> 01:15:13.680
because the place of rest is in God.

937
01:15:13.680 --> 01:15:15.320
It's not knowing about God.

938
01:15:15.320 --> 01:15:16.480
It's not loving God.

939
01:15:16.480 --> 01:15:19.160
And it's not wanting God.

940
01:15:19.160 --> 01:15:20.960
It's not thinking kindly about God

941
01:15:20.960 --> 01:15:27.880
and being subservient to him and submitting our will to him,

942
01:15:27.880 --> 01:15:29.240
so to speak.

943
01:15:29.240 --> 01:15:33.640
Yeah, that's complicated.

944
01:15:33.640 --> 01:15:36.880
And it's not those things.

945
01:15:36.880 --> 01:15:42.000
We actually have to surrender completely.

946
01:15:42.000 --> 01:15:47.480
And the degree to which we believe that God loves us

947
01:15:47.480 --> 01:15:50.240
is the degree to which we shift into rest.

948
01:15:50.240 --> 01:15:54.360
So if we're not at rest, that's the degree

949
01:15:54.360 --> 01:15:56.480
to which we don't love God.

950
01:15:56.480 --> 01:15:57.960
Well, I say not love God.

951
01:15:57.960 --> 01:16:02.400
That's the degree to which we're not receiving God's love.

952
01:16:02.400 --> 01:16:05.760
Forget our love back.

953
01:16:05.760 --> 01:16:11.480
Nothing's required in our life that requires our love of God.

954
01:16:11.480 --> 01:16:12.960
That naturally happens.

955
01:16:12.960 --> 01:16:16.520
What is required for certain things in our life

956
01:16:16.520 --> 01:16:20.360
is us being able to receive God's love.

957
01:16:20.360 --> 01:16:27.880
Anyway, so if the place of rest is in God,

958
01:16:28.600 --> 01:16:34.360
and we feel unsafe with him, we're not entering him.

959
01:16:34.360 --> 01:16:36.600
And therefore, we're not entering his rest

960
01:16:36.600 --> 01:16:39.880
because the rest is in him.

961
01:16:39.880 --> 01:16:41.920
And we feel unsafe with him.

962
01:16:41.920 --> 01:16:45.080
So we're not going in, and we're not being vulnerable.

963
01:16:45.080 --> 01:16:46.400
So I talked a lot about it.

964
01:16:46.400 --> 01:16:49.880
I went into a tremendous depth about a lot of the things

965
01:16:49.880 --> 01:16:53.480
that we're talking about today and a lot of other things,

966
01:16:53.480 --> 01:16:57.840
anyway, in the conference.

967
01:16:57.840 --> 01:17:00.560
Dosa, uh-uh, baby.

968
01:17:00.560 --> 01:17:05.240
And there's intimacy.

969
01:17:05.240 --> 01:17:07.760
Intimacy can only be had in vulnerability.

970
01:17:07.760 --> 01:17:10.240
You remember that Adam and Eve were naked?

971
01:17:10.240 --> 01:17:13.240
Well, that was a type and a shadow

972
01:17:13.240 --> 01:17:16.800
in the physical of the fact that they were vulnerable.

973
01:17:16.800 --> 01:17:23.080
Vulnerability is neither a bad thing nor an unsafe thing.

974
01:17:23.080 --> 01:17:25.880
Because vulnerability was always

975
01:17:25.880 --> 01:17:29.080
meant to be covered by the Lord.

976
01:17:29.080 --> 01:17:33.920
And therefore, vulnerability is actually

977
01:17:33.920 --> 01:17:39.840
the thing that's required for intimacy, for closeness,

978
01:17:39.840 --> 01:17:42.600
for abiding.

979
01:17:42.600 --> 01:17:45.000
That is what enables intimacy.

980
01:17:45.000 --> 01:17:46.720
Intimacy is through vulnerability

981
01:17:46.720 --> 01:17:50.640
because there's nothing in between,

982
01:17:50.640 --> 01:17:56.000
meaning fully exposed, one fully in the other,

983
01:17:56.000 --> 01:18:01.000
abiding in one another, where the two become one,

984
01:18:01.000 --> 01:18:03.800
there's no separation, et cetera.

985
01:18:03.800 --> 01:18:06.880
And anyway, but if we feel unsafe with him,

986
01:18:06.880 --> 01:18:10.400
we won't submit ourselves vulnerably to him.

987
01:18:10.400 --> 01:18:13.240
So we have to do that.

988
01:18:13.240 --> 01:18:19.680
And so that exercise about in love affair,

989
01:18:19.680 --> 01:18:23.680
where we sit and we look at Jesus.

990
01:18:23.680 --> 01:18:26.960
And if looking at Jesus doesn't help somebody,

991
01:18:26.960 --> 01:18:33.280
well, then we can always do, if that doesn't help someone,

992
01:18:33.280 --> 01:18:36.280
when like, say, for instance, you can't see God.

993
01:18:36.280 --> 01:18:37.680
Sometimes I can't see God.

994
01:18:41.560 --> 01:18:42.960
Sometimes I can't see God.

995
01:18:42.960 --> 01:18:45.600
Like the other day, I couldn't see Jesus

996
01:18:45.600 --> 01:18:47.360
when I did this exercise.

997
01:18:47.360 --> 01:18:52.240
But what I did was I thought, OK, the important thing

998
01:18:52.240 --> 01:18:54.640
is that I open myself up vulnerably to him,

999
01:18:54.640 --> 01:18:57.840
even if the tool that I'm using isn't working at the time.

1000
01:18:57.840 --> 01:18:59.560
The whole point of the tool was to get me

1001
01:18:59.560 --> 01:19:02.480
to the point where I was opening myself up to him.

1002
01:19:02.480 --> 01:19:05.520
So what helps me and what might help you,

1003
01:19:05.520 --> 01:19:10.720
in fact, I know it will, is if you choose to grab hold of it,

1004
01:19:10.720 --> 01:19:13.400
it's a very powerful tool.

1005
01:19:13.400 --> 01:19:16.640
And that is laying down on the ground

1006
01:19:16.640 --> 01:19:20.120
and especially doing it spread equal.

1007
01:19:20.120 --> 01:19:22.880
And I know that sounds weird, but it's

1008
01:19:22.880 --> 01:19:26.680
very, very vulnerable feeling, very vulnerable.

1009
01:19:26.680 --> 01:19:31.120
And you close your eyes, and then you

1010
01:19:31.120 --> 01:19:36.320
expose yourself to the Lord, like not just in body.

1011
01:19:36.320 --> 01:19:38.000
You can start at your body if you want,

1012
01:19:38.000 --> 01:19:39.400
if that gives you an anchor.

1013
01:19:39.400 --> 01:19:42.360
But then go deep within yourself, into your soul,

1014
01:19:42.360 --> 01:19:45.880
and then just exposing yourself to the Lord,

1015
01:19:45.880 --> 01:19:47.920
not knowing what he's going to say,

1016
01:19:47.920 --> 01:19:50.040
not knowing how he's going to receive it,

1017
01:19:50.040 --> 01:19:53.920
not knowing when what he sees, is he going to be disappointed?

1018
01:19:53.920 --> 01:19:56.400
Are you going to, is your soul going to finally

1019
01:19:56.400 --> 01:20:01.320
realize that God saw the last thing you wanted to see?

1020
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.200
see and kind of, you wanted him to see and come to find out, he really does believe the worst,

1021
01:20:07.200 --> 01:20:15.120
the, the things that were the worst fears and that you, that you had about yourself,

1022
01:20:15.120 --> 01:20:20.720
that it confirms that they're actually true. You know, that's what you're risking. Now you

1023
01:20:20.720 --> 01:20:26.240
won't have those things. Those things actually won't be true, but that's what we're risking.

1024
01:20:26.240 --> 01:20:32.080
That's what it feels like. It's, oh, I don't want him to see that. Or what am I going to feel like?

1025
01:20:32.080 --> 01:20:38.320
I'm going to, I'm going to feel out of control because I'm letting the greater, the greatest

1026
01:20:38.320 --> 01:20:42.720
way that we can allow someone else to love us is to be themselves and to choose to give

1027
01:20:42.720 --> 01:20:50.320
it themselves what they want to, to us. And we don't have to say, so we just show up and we say,

1028
01:20:50.320 --> 01:21:00.000
God, what, whoever it is that you are, give me that enter me. And, and you know, enter through me

1029
01:21:00.000 --> 01:21:05.520
and you don't know what, how he's going to show up. You don't know how it's going to feel. You

1030
01:21:05.520 --> 01:21:11.920
don't know the level of intensity and you continue to open yourself up more and more and more. And

1031
01:21:11.920 --> 01:21:17.520
whenever you get to a threshold where you feel yourself resisting, you're like, okay, I'm not

1032
01:21:17.520 --> 01:21:25.760
moving past this point. That's resistance. Then you realize, okay, I'm feeling unsafe.

1033
01:21:26.640 --> 01:21:33.920
And in that place, free fall into the unsafe place, because you will not have a way to convince

1034
01:21:33.920 --> 01:21:41.280
yourself that you actually will be safe on the other side. You won't have anything to go off of

1035
01:21:41.920 --> 01:21:47.040
and it will feel like you are unsafe and you are casting yourself into the unsafe place.

1036
01:21:48.080 --> 01:21:54.880
At a deep soul level. And you are just abandoning yourself to it. Go ahead.

1037
01:21:54.880 --> 01:21:58.640
I'm trying to figure out, cause like when you're talking, first of all, I don't know,

1038
01:21:59.520 --> 01:22:02.800
I have to clarify this. When you were saying lie on the floor, spread Eagle,

1039
01:22:02.800 --> 01:22:05.200
were you talking about with clothes on or not clothes on?

1040
01:22:06.320 --> 01:22:10.640
Well, I was talking about with clothes on, but I was going to mention, and I was like,

1041
01:22:10.640 --> 01:22:13.280
well, I don't know, Ashley, that might bother her if you take it that far.

1042
01:22:14.240 --> 01:22:21.760
I doing it with clothes off would even be more powerful because you feel especially vulnerable.

1043
01:22:22.400 --> 01:22:31.920
Yeah. Yeah. And so if you're wanting, honestly, if you are, if you are open to being,

1044
01:22:32.720 --> 01:22:38.880
um, what, what would you call it? Um, uh, what's the word open to,

1045
01:22:40.480 --> 01:22:49.600
um, pushing, uh, pushing through in the most extreme way. In other words, the fastest,

1046
01:22:49.600 --> 01:22:53.680
like taking the biggest risk as opposed to, okay, I'm going to take this risk

1047
01:22:53.680 --> 01:23:01.120
and I'm going to cut it into chunks. If you want to do a big leap, then, um, not just like,

1048
01:23:01.120 --> 01:23:06.720
oh, you want the result of the big leap? No, you have to make the big leap. If you're willing,

1049
01:23:06.720 --> 01:23:10.800
if you want to do it that way, then I would do it with clothes off.

1050
01:23:12.480 --> 01:23:20.400
Um, and, and sure. It's, it's very, very scary. Yeah. And I mean,

1051
01:23:21.280 --> 01:23:25.200
has to go down into your soul, into all those parts that you haven't even shown your husband,

1052
01:23:25.200 --> 01:23:30.320
that you haven't even shown yourself stuff that you won't pull up because you're too afraid that

1053
01:23:30.400 --> 01:23:34.560
subconsciously you're too afraid to see it. So you don't even know it about yourself and you're

1054
01:23:34.560 --> 01:23:38.880
exposing that to God. And there's reasons why you wanted to hide that from yourself and you want,

1055
01:23:38.880 --> 01:23:45.920
haven't wanted to bring it up. And now you're letting God see it. So why, so why does, um,

1056
01:23:45.920 --> 01:23:51.440
like how, I think I'm thinking about the how to, like I'm lying there, I'm letting him in,

1057
01:23:51.440 --> 01:23:56.960
I'm letting him in, I'm letting him in, which I can do, but like those, like, I don't know how

1058
01:23:56.960 --> 01:24:01.200
to keep letting him in. I don't know how to let him go deeper because I'll have thought that I'm

1059
01:24:01.200 --> 01:24:08.640
at the depth of what I could go. Um, like I, I faced a lot of parts of me, but there are probably

1060
01:24:08.640 --> 01:24:14.720
parts of me that I haven't faced because I'm not fully aware of them. And I'm not talking about

1061
01:24:14.720 --> 01:24:21.680
the fact that you will actually, you might, you might have things come up that you think about,

1062
01:24:22.320 --> 01:24:25.840
like actually think thoughts that come to mind of realizations of, Oh my word,

1063
01:24:25.840 --> 01:24:32.400
this was within year, whatever. I don't, um, those things don't come up for me to face

1064
01:24:32.960 --> 01:24:41.200
because God is not usually, especially I choose when I'm in those places, I choose

1065
01:24:42.960 --> 01:24:51.040
that God isn't interested in those things and having, and having me face those things and

1066
01:24:51.040 --> 01:24:57.840
realize them with my, with my mind. He wants to just, he just wants me to receive them.

1067
01:24:58.720 --> 01:24:59.840
And so I

1068
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.560
focus just on that. I don't focus on, okay, well, what traumas are going to come up that I'm going

1069
01:25:04.560 --> 01:25:09.600
to have to realize, and then I'm going to have to give those to him. It's a lot of work, a lot of

1070
01:25:09.600 --> 01:25:14.800
work. It might come up. So if it comes up, well, then that's fine. But mine don't come up because

1071
01:25:14.800 --> 01:25:20.800
when I'm submitting myself to the Lord, I'm submitting myself vulnerably to him where it's

1072
01:25:20.800 --> 01:25:29.600
just him and me interacting, and I'm just receiving of himself what he wants. I'm not focused on,

1073
01:25:29.600 --> 01:25:34.240
I'm focused on what he gives me of himself and making sure that I continue to open myself out

1074
01:25:34.240 --> 01:25:44.240
to receive more. I'm not focusing on myself and what he's looking at. I'm always focused on him.

1075
01:25:44.240 --> 01:25:48.800
And then as far as you were wondering, well, how do I know if I've gone deep enough? Well,

1076
01:25:48.800 --> 01:25:54.080
you'll have more than one time that you'll do this with the Lord, because this is how we're

1077
01:25:54.080 --> 01:25:58.800
supposed to always come before the Lord, not just in this exercise. We're supposed to always come

1078
01:25:58.800 --> 01:26:04.560
before him. This exercise helps us kind of trigger and become familiar with, oh, this is how it feels

1079
01:26:04.560 --> 01:26:09.120
to be vulnerable with the Lord. And this is what it feels like whenever I'm running up against a

1080
01:26:09.120 --> 01:26:13.360
resistance, whenever I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable, and then all of a sudden I stop

1081
01:26:14.000 --> 01:26:19.680
and I'm hitting a resistance. You become familiar with those, with that environment so that you can

1082
01:26:19.680 --> 01:26:24.480
recognize it when you're just reading your Bible or when you're talking to a veil or whatever,

1083
01:26:24.480 --> 01:26:29.840
you become more familiar with it. But this kind of isolates you to not think about anything else.

1084
01:26:29.840 --> 01:26:37.760
You can kind of get a touch point with it. But as far as how to know how deep to continue to go,

1085
01:26:38.320 --> 01:26:45.280
I just go until I just receive the Lord's love and I realize that I'm receiving it.

1086
01:26:46.240 --> 01:26:52.880
And then I just decide, okay, do I want to go deeper? And then I decide whether or not I do.

1087
01:26:52.960 --> 01:26:58.320
Sometimes that's enough for me. And I'm like, you know what? This is good for today.

1088
01:26:58.320 --> 01:27:04.880
This is really good. This is wonderful because God is not always looking at me,

1089
01:27:05.520 --> 01:27:10.640
thinking, okay, you did good today. Now, tomorrow we're going to get to this. And then the next day

1090
01:27:10.640 --> 01:27:16.480
he's not measuring me by a sense of lack and a sense of how far I've come and how far it's

1091
01:27:16.480 --> 01:27:21.760
going to take me till I get the next place. He's not. He's just, where are you right now? And I like that.

1092
01:27:22.560 --> 01:27:30.640
It's just now. In God, God only exists in now. There is no past, present, or future with God.

1093
01:27:31.360 --> 01:27:38.400
He's in our past, present, and future. But there's no past, present, and future in God. There's just now.

1094
01:27:38.400 --> 01:27:42.960
And if we're in God, we're in now. So in other words, all that matters is just right now.

1095
01:27:43.360 --> 01:27:46.480
So I'll allow that to be enough.

1096
01:27:47.120 --> 01:27:52.400
Like, how do you receive him then? Like, I guess I'm, I don't, like, I could sit here and I could

1097
01:27:52.400 --> 01:27:59.680
like open my hands and all of that and receive. But like, I'm trying to figure out the how-to

1098
01:27:59.680 --> 01:28:04.320
almost of it. And I know it's not about that, but I'm lying there. Like, what am I supposed to be

1099
01:28:04.320 --> 01:28:13.200
thinking, feeling, praying, saying? I don't know. Yeah. None of it. No thinking, praying, feeling,

1100
01:28:13.200 --> 01:28:20.640
nothing. The feeling will come over you because it's God's love. What you, so let me see if how,

1101
01:28:20.640 --> 01:28:26.000
so you don't do any of it. That's the thing. So to enter rest, we have, we can't do anything

1102
01:28:26.640 --> 01:28:30.800
because rest is freely given and has to be freely received. So therefore there's nothing to do. We

1103
01:28:30.800 --> 01:28:39.200
can't do anything and receive rest, not think about it, not do anything. So how would I explain

1104
01:28:40.000 --> 01:28:43.520
how to open yourself up? Well, while you're thinking about that, because I want to touch on

1105
01:28:43.520 --> 01:28:48.320
this while I'm thinking about it too, something that's coming up for me right now, which is kind

1106
01:28:48.320 --> 01:28:57.200
of scary is when I was really vulnerable with Kimberly in the cult, which is, she's probably

1107
01:28:57.200 --> 01:29:04.400
the person that I've been the most vulnerable with in my recent past, right? Like she had a

1108
01:29:04.400 --> 01:29:12.000
way of opening me up completely. And I felt very naked, right? But, and I'm wondering,

1109
01:29:13.200 --> 01:29:19.600
part of me questions myself still around that. I'm like, was I, was I scared of that vulnerability?

1110
01:29:19.600 --> 01:29:25.360
Was I, was I so scared of it? That's why I shut it down. That's why I ran away. That's why I

1111
01:29:25.920 --> 01:29:33.760
just like ended it and ran and sort of had this experience. Is this all to protect me from being

1112
01:29:33.760 --> 01:29:44.160
vulnerable? I think what I believe happened with Kimberly is like, and what you did in running away

1113
01:29:45.040 --> 01:29:57.200
was like a rape victim running away. That is being vulnerable to someone. And yet you sensed

1114
01:29:57.200 --> 01:29:59.920
something was wrong. That was not.

1115
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.000
To whom and in the way that you got God created you to be vulnerable.

1116
01:30:07.000 --> 01:30:19.000
So, you were acting your spirit was saving yourself, because it knew that it you know the priceless deep down you know the priceless thing that you are.

1117
01:30:19.000 --> 01:30:24.000
And you know the priceless thing that God, God gave you and made you to be.

1118
01:30:24.000 --> 01:30:28.000
And that is not to be shared with anyone but the Lord.

1119
01:30:28.000 --> 01:30:39.000
I'm not saying that you shared things with Kimberly you only should have shared with the Lord not with your husband or anything I'm not talking about that I'm just talking about like at a deep spiritual level because that's what was going on between you and Kimberly

1120
01:30:39.000 --> 01:30:51.000
was a spiritual connection and a stronghold in the spirit realm that, you know, and that she was enticing you with and in all of that is what sounds like.

1121
01:30:51.000 --> 01:30:59.000
And because of the connections and agreements that she's made, it's, it sounds like maybe, you know, the other side.

1122
01:30:59.000 --> 01:31:20.000
And so, anyway, good that was you not subconsciously recognizing that pricelessness that you have and pulling away. So I highly. So I, I urge you as a sister in Christ to not go back and doubt that.

1123
01:31:21.000 --> 01:31:26.000
And think, maybe that maybe I was wrong.

1124
01:31:26.000 --> 01:31:37.000
I mean I know that you know that you should have left that's not what I know that we're questioning that that you're questioning here is, oh my goodness was that indicative of something bad.

1125
01:31:38.000 --> 01:32:06.000
I declare this very very seriously. I declare that know that is was a, a, a very good thing. That was, that was God in using your spirit to protect you and to protect the pricelessness that you were, as opposed to leaving you continually vulnerable

1126
01:32:06.000 --> 01:32:24.000
and open to corruption and meaning like being corrupted like like someone like getting into you and and and and like changing the very priceless it not changing touching and violating that's the word I'm looking for, violating the priceless thing that God has

1127
01:32:25.000 --> 01:32:47.000
So, I believe that God is taking this, and I'm sensing this in the spirit that God is taking this very seriously, not to go back and then doubt and think that that instant change in your mind, or tribute in your mind, that thing that God is saying no that was your, that was a priceless

1128
01:32:47.000 --> 01:33:04.000
action that was being done in God in the spirit to save you, and to, and to twist that into think it to self condemnation and guilt that I would, I was that I was probably doing something wrong.

1129
01:33:04.000 --> 01:33:23.000
So I think that God wants to take that very seriously, and assure you that you are not to question yourself about that, that that is that you do not deserve that you just not deserve to think of yourself like that, to think of to think of the situation

1130
01:33:23.000 --> 01:33:24.000
like that.

1131
01:33:24.000 --> 01:33:27.000
And anyway.

1132
01:33:28.000 --> 01:33:30.000
So that.

1133
01:33:30.000 --> 01:33:37.000
Does that make sense I think that's extremely serious actually. So you're free from that.

1134
01:33:37.000 --> 01:33:49.000
None at all. It makes sense. And I think one of the reasons it's coming up for me is among, like, many reasons around the vulnerability thing because I think you're right.

1135
01:33:49.000 --> 01:33:56.000
And then this other person who was critiquing me about the way I look.

1136
01:33:56.000 --> 01:34:09.000
And basically saying well you're always all done up you're always this and that was similar to what she used to say about me being a walking Barbie doll trying to show people how to live life and having no idea myself and being a billboard and all that so that

1137
01:34:09.000 --> 01:34:22.000
was a parallel. The other parallel was this girl was saying and her name's Amy she was saying that I test her in our friendship which Kimberly used to say to me all the time that I test her.

1138
01:34:23.000 --> 01:34:26.000
And she said well Amy went through all the Clemmer work.

1139
01:34:26.000 --> 01:34:33.000
And, no, I didn't meet her there I met her through April. She's a mutual friend of ours now.

1140
01:34:33.000 --> 01:34:38.000
But she's really good friends with April, and she went through all of the work.

1141
01:34:38.000 --> 01:34:42.000
And she's saying the same things as Kimberly.

1142
01:34:42.000 --> 01:34:54.000
And Kimberly actually hated her hated Amy, like, hated her she bullied her like she was mean she bullied me but she was like the love hate bullying with Amy she just hated her.

1143
01:34:54.000 --> 01:35:00.000
And so Amy doesn't necessarily buy into all of that she doesn't buy into Kimberly but the fact that we're all friends.

1144
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.360
We were, they were saying the same things,

1145
01:35:02.360 --> 01:35:06.560
made me question myself again around,

1146
01:35:06.560 --> 01:35:08.620
was Kimberly right about me?

1147
01:35:12.160 --> 01:35:13.680
Because why?

1148
01:35:13.680 --> 01:35:15.380
What's the connection, I'm sorry?

1149
01:35:15.380 --> 01:35:18.620
That I am a Barbie doll,

1150
01:35:18.620 --> 01:35:21.080
that I am somebody who's trying to show people

1151
01:35:21.080 --> 01:35:22.680
how to live life when I have no idea,

1152
01:35:22.680 --> 01:35:25.440
that I am just somebody who tests people,

1153
01:35:25.440 --> 01:35:26.900
that all these things are wrong with me,

1154
01:35:26.900 --> 01:35:28.160
and like I have potential,

1155
01:35:28.220 --> 01:35:30.940
but right now all these things are wrong with me.

1156
01:35:30.940 --> 01:35:32.340
Yeah, I'm sorry.

1157
01:35:32.340 --> 01:35:34.100
What's the connection though?

1158
01:35:34.100 --> 01:35:34.940
What did you say?

1159
01:35:34.940 --> 01:35:36.620
Oh, well, this thing,

1160
01:35:36.620 --> 01:35:39.180
it feels like it's affirming or proving something.

1161
01:35:39.180 --> 01:35:41.260
How is it affirming or proving

1162
01:35:41.260 --> 01:35:43.460
other than the fact she's repeating the same words?

1163
01:35:43.460 --> 01:35:46.140
It sounds like you're saying there's something else

1164
01:35:46.140 --> 01:35:47.700
that affirmation,

1165
01:35:47.700 --> 01:35:50.060
but I'm trying to understand what you're saying.

1166
01:35:50.060 --> 01:35:52.660
I, well, then it makes me feel like

1167
01:35:52.660 --> 01:35:56.540
I did something wrong by walking away,

1168
01:35:56.560 --> 01:35:58.280
because here I had someone in my life

1169
01:35:58.280 --> 01:36:00.240
who was willing to tell me the truth,

1170
01:36:00.240 --> 01:36:02.360
and I was vulnerable,

1171
01:36:02.360 --> 01:36:03.520
but then I pushed her away.

1172
01:36:03.520 --> 01:36:05.160
So then it makes me think,

1173
01:36:05.160 --> 01:36:08.100
am I just scared of vulnerability because she was right?

1174
01:36:08.100 --> 01:36:09.320
And I pushed her away

1175
01:36:09.320 --> 01:36:11.400
because I was scared of the rightness.

1176
01:36:11.400 --> 01:36:14.200
I was scared of the vulnerability in her,

1177
01:36:14.200 --> 01:36:15.560
you know, all of that.

1178
01:36:16.960 --> 01:36:18.560
Okay, really big deal here.

1179
01:36:18.560 --> 01:36:20.080
Okay.

1180
01:36:20.080 --> 01:36:21.720
Alana, you can trust yourself.

1181
01:36:23.520 --> 01:36:24.880
You are very wise.

1182
01:36:24.880 --> 01:36:27.960
You are extremely discerning, extremely.

1183
01:36:29.380 --> 01:36:31.840
And you have no need to doubt yourself.

1184
01:36:33.140 --> 01:36:37.580
This whole, you know, this thing of like this,

1185
01:36:39.460 --> 01:36:41.300
and I say all this, you know, very nicely.

1186
01:36:41.300 --> 01:36:42.820
I wasn't being mean.

1187
01:36:42.820 --> 01:36:43.660
I was saying all of that.

1188
01:36:43.660 --> 01:36:46.420
It's just like, this is very serious.

1189
01:36:46.420 --> 01:36:47.820
I know, I know you are.

1190
01:36:47.820 --> 01:36:48.660
Okay, good.

1191
01:36:48.660 --> 01:36:51.060
I needed to make sure I was like, this is very serious.

1192
01:36:51.060 --> 01:36:52.460
I wasn't kidding onto you.

1193
01:36:52.460 --> 01:36:54.540
I was like, that's saying of the Lord.

1194
01:36:55.440 --> 01:36:56.920
That was the only thing I was talking about.

1195
01:36:56.920 --> 01:36:57.760
I wasn't getting onto you.

1196
01:36:57.760 --> 01:36:59.760
I was just like, that's the way of the Lord.

1197
01:37:03.880 --> 01:37:06.960
In other words, it's like, there is no, it's so solid.

1198
01:37:06.960 --> 01:37:09.920
It can't be questions, kind of a thing.

1199
01:37:12.520 --> 01:37:15.560
But you can trust yourself.

1200
01:37:15.560 --> 01:37:18.240
So when she's, when Kimberly's saying,

1201
01:37:18.900 --> 01:37:23.900
I'm gonna try to say, Lord, please help me.

1202
01:37:28.380 --> 01:37:33.380
What I'm hearing is fear, is fear of yourself,

1203
01:37:34.020 --> 01:37:39.020
fear that you can't, fear that you can't trust yourself,

1204
01:37:41.580 --> 01:37:43.300
fear that you're bad, you know,

1205
01:37:43.300 --> 01:37:47.180
fear that all of these things that they're saying

1206
01:37:47.180 --> 01:37:52.180
are true and whatever, and that you ran away.

1207
01:37:55.880 --> 01:37:58.420
Understand why you ran away.

1208
01:37:58.420 --> 01:38:01.860
You ran away because you knew it wasn't true.

1209
01:38:01.860 --> 01:38:05.180
You're afraid that you ran away because you were afraid.

1210
01:38:06.180 --> 01:38:09.980
And that I was afraid it was true, for example, you know.

1211
01:38:12.220 --> 01:38:13.940
Yeah, or that you're afraid of it,

1212
01:38:13.940 --> 01:38:16.980
that well, yeah, well, maybe it is true.

1213
01:38:17.780 --> 01:38:20.780
However, I would contend that you,

1214
01:38:24.180 --> 01:38:28.740
if you thought that it actually was true,

1215
01:38:28.740 --> 01:38:30.580
you would not have run away

1216
01:38:31.900 --> 01:38:36.900
because you prove it repeatedly by how serious you are

1217
01:38:37.900 --> 01:38:42.380
about finding the truth about who it is that you are

1218
01:38:42.380 --> 01:38:43.780
and how it is that you're acting

1219
01:38:43.780 --> 01:38:46.120
and making sure to do the right thing.

1220
01:38:47.620 --> 01:38:52.620
If you, that is what, it's a big driving force for you.

1221
01:38:55.660 --> 01:38:59.820
And so I think it actually proves the opposite.

1222
01:38:59.820 --> 01:39:01.740
And I do not say that lightly,

1223
01:39:02.860 --> 01:39:05.300
that I think that you ran away

1224
01:39:05.300 --> 01:39:08.380
because you knew it wasn't true,

1225
01:39:08.380 --> 01:39:11.700
but your old habit of doubting yourself

1226
01:39:11.700 --> 01:39:13.060
and thinking you're wrong,

1227
01:39:13.060 --> 01:39:16.640
you're intrinsically bad somewhere in there.

1228
01:39:17.600 --> 01:39:21.320
And so if you ran away,

1229
01:39:21.320 --> 01:39:26.320
then what if I was running away from being exposed

1230
01:39:27.600 --> 01:39:29.720
and that actually was true and whatever?

1231
01:39:29.720 --> 01:39:32.080
That's all of that self-doubt,

1232
01:39:33.200 --> 01:39:37.280
twisting the actual truth of the fact that you ran away

1233
01:39:37.280 --> 01:39:39.960
because you knew it wasn't true.

1234
01:39:39.960 --> 01:39:44.320
If you thought it was true, you would have stayed

1235
01:39:44.320 --> 01:39:49.320
and you operate like that repeatedly in life,

1236
01:39:50.680 --> 01:39:54.080
repeatedly, that is your default.

1237
01:39:54.080 --> 01:39:58.480
Your default is if you think something might be true,

1238
01:39:58.480 --> 01:40:00.120
you will, you will.

1239
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:08.880
You will push past the pain and you will endure it however long you have to.

1240
01:40:08.880 --> 01:40:16.920
So the fact that you chose instead to escape is proof in my mind that actually, and it's

1241
01:40:16.920 --> 01:40:17.920
not just proof in my mind.

1242
01:40:17.920 --> 01:40:21.400
I'm not saying all of this like, I'm like, oh, well, all of this is logic and that's

1243
01:40:21.400 --> 01:40:22.400
how I figured it out.

1244
01:40:22.400 --> 01:40:23.400
No.

1245
01:40:23.400 --> 01:40:24.400
I know this in my spirit.

1246
01:40:24.400 --> 01:40:28.520
I'm just also pointing out, by the way, you can like see that it logically makes sense,

1247
01:40:28.520 --> 01:40:33.160
but I know this in my spirit, that the reason why you left is because you knew it wasn't

1248
01:40:33.160 --> 01:40:39.800
true, but Satan wants you to doubt yourself and think, nope, he wants you to take blame

1249
01:40:39.800 --> 01:40:40.800
for that too.

1250
01:40:40.800 --> 01:40:41.800
You're always to blame.

1251
01:40:41.800 --> 01:40:42.800
You're always to blame.

1252
01:40:42.800 --> 01:40:46.520
It's just not true.

1253
01:40:46.520 --> 01:40:47.520
You're wise.

1254
01:40:47.520 --> 01:40:48.840
You make wise decisions.

1255
01:40:48.840 --> 01:40:51.320
You are, you are kind.

1256
01:40:51.320 --> 01:40:57.520
One of the biggest struggles that one of the biggest things that makes your life as hard

1257
01:40:57.520 --> 01:41:07.120
as it, as it is, is the fact that you don't trust yourself and you, you have permission

1258
01:41:07.120 --> 01:41:11.000
to let go of that because it's not true.

1259
01:41:11.000 --> 01:41:18.920
You actually are under no, you're no longer under obligation to doubt yourself or question

1260
01:41:18.920 --> 01:41:21.720
yourself.

1261
01:41:21.720 --> 01:41:23.560
That's very important.

1262
01:41:23.560 --> 01:41:29.680
You have to have that breakthrough in a very radical way and you have to choose it.

1263
01:41:29.680 --> 01:41:32.120
It won't come upon you.

1264
01:41:32.120 --> 01:41:34.600
You were going to have to choose that.

1265
01:41:34.600 --> 01:41:41.880
Um, and you have a right to, because God said, so you're, you're not making this up.

1266
01:41:41.880 --> 01:41:43.760
You're, you're not one.

1267
01:41:43.760 --> 01:41:47.800
This is not that conversation where you had earlier of like, well, I'm a son of God.

1268
01:41:47.800 --> 01:41:51.440
And I intended that, you know, I wanted to do this and well, what if God doesn't sanction

1269
01:41:51.440 --> 01:41:53.760
if what if that, what if it doesn't happen?

1270
01:41:53.760 --> 01:41:55.400
This is not that conversation.

1271
01:41:55.400 --> 01:41:59.400
This is the conversation where I was talking about the fact that you and God's conjoined

1272
01:41:59.400 --> 01:42:02.080
wills, God speaks word and you receive it.

1273
01:42:02.080 --> 01:42:04.100
God spoke this word first.

1274
01:42:04.100 --> 01:42:06.380
You have the opportunity to receive this.

1275
01:42:06.380 --> 01:42:10.200
This is not something we're making up and we're hoping God blesses it.

1276
01:42:10.200 --> 01:42:11.200
It's the opposite.

1277
01:42:11.200 --> 01:42:12.200
God said it first.

1278
01:42:12.200 --> 01:42:14.320
And he's like, you won't believe me.

1279
01:42:14.320 --> 01:42:18.400
If you believe me, you actually get to live it out.

1280
01:42:18.400 --> 01:42:24.720
So you have permission to radically choose that you can trust yourself.

1281
01:42:24.720 --> 01:42:25.720
Now you try.

1282
01:42:25.720 --> 01:42:29.240
Now, now it's important that we trust ourself in our spirits.

1283
01:42:29.240 --> 01:42:31.120
We have to be vulnerable before the Lord.

1284
01:42:31.120 --> 01:42:36.240
If we go to that other place of, I want this out of life and I'm going to intend it.

1285
01:42:36.240 --> 01:42:39.560
And therefore as a son of God, just on my own, you know, just because I have spirit

1286
01:42:39.560 --> 01:42:43.240
enough, you know, spiritual authority, then, you know, this thing can happen.

1287
01:42:43.240 --> 01:42:45.240
It won't, it won't work.

1288
01:42:45.240 --> 01:42:49.240
If we, we have to, we have to choose, we have to vulnerably submit ourselves to him

1289
01:42:49.240 --> 01:42:50.240
and choose.

1290
01:42:50.240 --> 01:42:51.240
Okay.

1291
01:42:51.240 --> 01:42:55.880
Lord, if you say it's true, I'm going to choose that it's true because you said so, and I'm

1292
01:42:55.880 --> 01:42:58.280
going to act on it.

1293
01:42:58.280 --> 01:43:03.640
I am going to make decisions and I'm not going to renounce them.

1294
01:43:03.640 --> 01:43:09.200
I am going to act, you know, unless God himself shows it to you.

1295
01:43:09.200 --> 01:43:14.360
Not you doubted questioning and wondering, no, you're like, Hey God, I'm going to submit

1296
01:43:14.480 --> 01:43:15.480
myself completely to you.

1297
01:43:15.480 --> 01:43:18.360
I'm going to make, I'm going to make decisions.

1298
01:43:18.360 --> 01:43:26.320
The first thing that comes to mind, my first, my first instinct, my first, whatever, what

1299
01:43:26.320 --> 01:43:31.680
I think is a wise decision before I start analyzing it to the nth degree, the first

1300
01:43:31.680 --> 01:43:37.200
one Lord, my gut instinct, I'm going to choose that.

1301
01:43:37.200 --> 01:43:42.960
That is really, that that is really me and you can guide me as to whether or not that

1302
01:43:42.960 --> 01:43:47.040
was really me, but whether or not it was, I will have no condemnation.

1303
01:43:47.040 --> 01:43:50.520
Even if I discover it really wasn't, which most of the time it's going to be, it, it

1304
01:43:50.520 --> 01:43:54.160
really was your spirit anyway, not your soul acting out of fear.

1305
01:43:54.160 --> 01:43:59.520
It really was you thinking, okay, well, what, you know, where's the character of my God

1306
01:43:59.520 --> 01:44:05.800
in this situation and what am I drawn to, you know, out of who it is that I am not out

1307
01:44:05.800 --> 01:44:06.800
of fear.

1308
01:44:06.800 --> 01:44:09.800
It's something I want to do, you know, out of who it is that I am, what do I believe

1309
01:44:09.800 --> 01:44:11.040
is the right decision here?

1310
01:44:11.120 --> 01:44:12.120
I'm in God.

1311
01:44:12.120 --> 01:44:13.120
I'm committing to you.

1312
01:44:13.120 --> 01:44:18.160
I'm going to say those things and I'm going to do those things regardless of risking the

1313
01:44:18.160 --> 01:44:26.560
results or what, or what results I'm going to be risking here because I'm casting myself

1314
01:44:26.560 --> 01:44:28.400
and gambling myself on you.

1315
01:44:28.400 --> 01:44:34.720
So I'm asking you to sustain me and support me in this because in support me by providing

1316
01:44:34.720 --> 01:44:40.680
me a safe environment in which to learn that I really am, um, that I really do make wise

1317
01:44:40.680 --> 01:44:47.200
decisions in safe environment in which to learn what is really my intention of my spirit

1318
01:44:47.200 --> 01:44:54.880
as opposed to the intention of my soul, whose sources fear, you know, and the majority of

1319
01:44:54.880 --> 01:44:58.880
the time you're going to discover that it's actually of the spirit.

1320
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:08.560
which is a very good thing, and that should never be doubted. So these are all what, you know,

1321
01:45:08.560 --> 01:45:15.360
I talked about repeatedly, absolute reckless abandon. These things aren't small. They're not

1322
01:45:15.360 --> 01:45:22.400
little. They're not cute. They're not baby steps. They're very big, and we can't test them.

1323
01:45:22.400 --> 01:45:30.880
We can't test them to see if they work. It's all chips in, burn bridges, no going back.

1324
01:45:32.560 --> 01:45:35.600
It's that kind of thing. That's the only way it will work.

1325
01:45:36.320 --> 01:45:40.960
What does that look like in your life? Like, what would be an example? You know,

1326
01:45:40.960 --> 01:45:44.080
you shared a little bit about the conference, but what would be an example of like

1327
01:45:44.720 --> 01:45:48.560
that big leap that you made where you burned the bridge and just like

1328
01:45:48.560 --> 01:45:52.400
reckless abandon and just trusted fully, and it was super scary?

1329
01:45:53.040 --> 01:46:00.640
Oh, I do that all the time, so let me think of one. It's very normal for me now. I mean,

1330
01:46:00.640 --> 01:46:05.920
it'll happen with money. It'll happen with a relationship. It'll happen with something.

1331
01:46:09.120 --> 01:46:15.760
Oh, man. What is, I'm trying to think of like the best example. I could give you all kinds

1332
01:46:15.760 --> 01:46:21.680
of things. The biggest one is when, okay, well, and I've mentioned this one before,

1333
01:46:21.680 --> 01:46:27.600
but the biggest one for me, I mean, that I can think of is when everything it is that I teach,

1334
01:46:28.240 --> 01:46:32.640
when I started to believe this, especially specifically related to the gospel part,

1335
01:46:32.640 --> 01:46:37.920
you know, the fact that I could have no condemnation and I didn't have to be,

1336
01:46:37.920 --> 01:46:41.680
I didn't have to operate according to statutes and laws and rules anymore.

1337
01:46:41.680 --> 01:46:46.800
I didn't have to say I was sorry, you know, things like that. That was very recklessly

1338
01:46:46.800 --> 01:47:00.160
abandoning for me, and when I chose those things, then when I told God, okay, God,

1339
01:47:00.880 --> 01:47:04.000
this is who I believe that you are, and I'm leaving all the rules behind.

1340
01:47:04.640 --> 01:47:10.800
When before I thought that it was those rules that were keeping me, keeping God from destroying me,

1341
01:47:10.800 --> 01:47:15.440
so I was risking God destroying me. Now, somebody else may not have had that same risk,

1342
01:47:17.600 --> 01:47:24.880
felt that same risk, but I did. That was mine, and I was risking my relationship with God. I

1343
01:47:24.880 --> 01:47:31.280
was risking the fact that the God of the universe might destroy me. I'm sorry to do this. Would you

1344
01:47:31.280 --> 01:47:37.600
excuse me for just a second? I just drank a lot of water and tea. Can I use the restroom really fast?

1345
01:47:37.600 --> 01:47:38.720
Yeah, absolutely.

1346
01:47:46.400 --> 01:47:48.240
Sorry. There we go.

1347
01:48:37.600 --> 01:49:06.000
Okay, so anyway, that was mine, and then I found God there. I was risking that I may not even be

1348
01:49:06.000 --> 01:49:12.880
hearing right. In fact, I wasn't sure that I was hearing him. I just was choosing to believe that

1349
01:49:13.680 --> 01:49:14.800
that's what he was saying.

1350
01:49:15.360 --> 01:49:20.880
So what was the thing again? Remind me. I lost my thought around. What was the thing that you were?

1351
01:49:22.080 --> 01:49:30.800
The gospel, the belief that, you know, the fact that, yeah, and acting on it. In other words,

1352
01:49:30.800 --> 01:49:37.280
leaving statutes, and laws, and rules, and being a good girl, and behaving, and actually starting.

1353
01:49:37.280 --> 01:49:42.720
I was risking the fact that if I started to do bad things because I wasn't being so

1354
01:49:44.800 --> 01:49:54.800
vigilant in making sure I did them, then was that going to incur the consequences and wrath of God

1355
01:49:54.800 --> 01:49:59.840
in my life because of all of the things that I was abandoning and stopping thinking?

1356
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.800
about because I was choosing a different gospel.

1357
01:50:03.800 --> 01:50:05.680
Not the gospel of laws and rules,

1358
01:50:05.680 --> 01:50:14.040
but the gospel of freedom and no condemnation.

1359
01:50:14.040 --> 01:50:21.920
And it specifically refers to it as different gospels in,

1360
01:50:21.920 --> 01:50:23.840
what was that?

1361
01:50:23.840 --> 01:50:26.120
I think it's Galatians.

1362
01:50:26.120 --> 01:50:31.720
Yes, I think it was Galatians 5, maybe.

1363
01:50:31.720 --> 01:50:34.000
It's either Galatians 3 or Galatians 5.

1364
01:50:34.000 --> 01:50:37.360
And it refers to it specifically as a different gospel.

1365
01:50:37.360 --> 01:50:48.040
This idea that we make ourselves pleasing to the Lord

1366
01:50:48.040 --> 01:50:51.440
by laws and rules, by following laws and rules,

1367
01:50:51.440 --> 01:50:54.200
and that it's required for intimacy and relationship

1368
01:50:54.200 --> 01:50:55.800
with the Lord.

1369
01:50:55.800 --> 01:51:02.560
And Paul said that if anyone, even an angel from heaven,

1370
01:51:02.560 --> 01:51:07.200
speaks a different gospel, he said,

1371
01:51:07.200 --> 01:51:11.920
may he be condemned or something like that.

1372
01:51:11.920 --> 01:51:13.720
So God takes it very seriously.

1373
01:51:13.720 --> 01:51:19.920
But I framed my whole world around it

1374
01:51:19.920 --> 01:51:27.240
and understand God, if I'm looking at my past experience,

1375
01:51:27.240 --> 01:51:30.440
at the time, if I would have looked at my past experience,

1376
01:51:30.440 --> 01:51:33.000
that is how God had showed up in my life,

1377
01:51:33.000 --> 01:51:37.120
was according to all those laws and rules.

1378
01:51:37.120 --> 01:51:41.560
So I had proof in my life that it was right

1379
01:51:41.560 --> 01:51:43.920
and that it was the right gospel.

1380
01:51:43.920 --> 01:51:47.840
And I was now having to, because if God

1381
01:51:47.840 --> 01:51:50.920
says that he's all of this, he says,

1382
01:51:50.920 --> 01:51:53.000
you can believe me to this degree.

1383
01:51:53.000 --> 01:51:56.440
But to whatever degree that you declare that I am,

1384
01:51:56.440 --> 01:51:58.400
that is how I will show up in your life.

1385
01:51:58.400 --> 01:51:59.760
I am all of this.

1386
01:51:59.760 --> 01:52:01.320
To what degree do you believe me?

1387
01:52:01.320 --> 01:52:03.960
Well, God, I believe you to here.

1388
01:52:03.960 --> 01:52:09.960
And God's like, then I'm going to encounter you and interact

1389
01:52:09.960 --> 01:52:14.480
with you like this, not like this.

1390
01:52:14.480 --> 01:52:17.880
So I actually had proof in my life

1391
01:52:17.880 --> 01:52:21.800
that he was like this because I had declared him to be so.

1392
01:52:21.800 --> 01:52:23.480
So that's how he'd shown up.

1393
01:52:23.480 --> 01:52:26.760
So even in my past, I had the proof already.

1394
01:52:26.760 --> 01:52:30.200
So do you understand that when I said it was risky,

1395
01:52:30.200 --> 01:52:37.960
I was like actually, I was leaving my, I even had,

1396
01:52:37.960 --> 01:52:42.640
I was even, it was so risky that I even had proof to back up

1397
01:52:42.680 --> 01:52:44.320
the fact that whatever it was I was leaving

1398
01:52:44.320 --> 01:52:47.560
was the true thing and why on earth.

1399
01:52:47.560 --> 01:52:50.800
And then, and now I'm abandoning myself in faith,

1400
01:52:50.800 --> 01:52:55.480
hearing in different gospel, choosing without proof

1401
01:52:55.480 --> 01:52:56.880
that it would be right.

1402
01:52:56.880 --> 01:52:58.640
That there was something in my spirit

1403
01:52:58.640 --> 01:53:01.040
and something in my soul that longed for it

1404
01:53:01.040 --> 01:53:05.440
because obviously it longs for what is actually true.

1405
01:53:05.440 --> 01:53:07.880
And it was just seeking it out.

1406
01:53:07.880 --> 01:53:11.160
And when I abandoned myself to it,

1407
01:53:11.160 --> 01:53:13.560
I found out God was there,

1408
01:53:13.560 --> 01:53:16.320
but I didn't know for sure if he was gonna be there.

1409
01:53:16.320 --> 01:53:18.160
In fact, I didn't believe he would.

1410
01:53:18.160 --> 01:53:19.480
I didn't believe he was gonna be there.

1411
01:53:19.480 --> 01:53:21.480
I just wanted him to be really badly.

1412
01:53:21.480 --> 01:53:23.840
So I told him I was gonna choose it

1413
01:53:23.840 --> 01:53:25.480
because the other hadn't worked.

1414
01:53:25.480 --> 01:53:27.320
And so it was very reckless abandonment

1415
01:53:27.320 --> 01:53:30.320
because there was the, I would push myself

1416
01:53:30.320 --> 01:53:34.840
to the point of death in every area of my life.

1417
01:53:34.840 --> 01:53:36.480
And I'm not saying that figuratively.

1418
01:53:36.480 --> 01:53:39.360
I literally pushed myself to the point

1419
01:53:39.360 --> 01:53:43.560
of things like physical death, emotional death,

1420
01:53:43.560 --> 01:53:48.520
mental death, relational, financial, professional.

1421
01:53:48.520 --> 01:53:50.680
When you say death and all of these things,

1422
01:53:50.680 --> 01:53:53.600
are you talking about like in a negative way, like sin?

1423
01:53:53.600 --> 01:53:55.560
Like you were purposely sinning

1424
01:53:55.560 --> 01:53:58.120
or you were purposely pushing yourself?

1425
01:53:58.120 --> 01:53:59.920
Yeah, I'm just trying to clarify.

1426
01:53:59.920 --> 01:54:02.200
Yeah, pushing myself to the nth degree,

1427
01:54:02.200 --> 01:54:06.560
like where it would create the death of my career

1428
01:54:06.560 --> 01:54:08.080
or the death of my reputation

1429
01:54:08.080 --> 01:54:11.800
or the death of a relationship or that kind of a thing.

1430
01:54:11.800 --> 01:54:13.760
So what did that look like, pushing yourself?

1431
01:54:13.760 --> 01:54:14.760
I'm trying to get a visual,

1432
01:54:14.760 --> 01:54:16.680
like pushing yourself to that degree.

1433
01:54:16.680 --> 01:54:19.720
Like, what would that look like in a relationship

1434
01:54:19.720 --> 01:54:23.200
or in your job or whatever, in order to live in this space?

1435
01:54:26.560 --> 01:54:31.560
If I had a particular relationship, then I would,

1436
01:54:31.920 --> 01:54:36.920
and I believed that God wanted me to say something.

1437
01:54:37.200 --> 01:54:39.680
Oh, well, let me come up with something different.

1438
01:54:40.960 --> 01:54:43.080
Okay, let me say it this way,

1439
01:54:43.080 --> 01:54:46.000
because this would probably just be a clearer picture of it.

1440
01:54:46.000 --> 01:54:48.440
Say for instance, I worked for a company

1441
01:54:52.400 --> 01:54:57.400
and Doss said, get in your bed, get in your bed.

1442
01:55:00.880 --> 01:55:10.000
Up. Sorry, just a second. Get in your bed. Thank you. Go on. Good girl. Get in your bed. Up, up, up.

1443
01:55:13.040 --> 01:55:18.480
Sorry, she's being funny. Okay, there you go. Good girl. I'm not wanting her to walk around

1444
01:55:18.480 --> 01:55:26.640
here at the lodge. Come on, up. Come on, up. Good girl. Because you're being really sweet,

1445
01:55:26.640 --> 01:55:31.760
letting you keep my dog here. But I know I don't want them to have to like clean extra good

1446
01:55:33.520 --> 01:55:38.560
so that it doesn't harm other people who stay here who might be allergic to dogs.

1447
01:55:38.560 --> 01:55:42.240
So I'm trying to like watch her and make sure she just like stays in her basket, that kind of thing.

1448
01:55:44.720 --> 01:55:52.800
But what was I talking about? You were saying like examples, yeah. Okay, yeah. The example,

1449
01:55:52.800 --> 01:55:58.240
like say, for instance, I would be working for a business and this is not a real example,

1450
01:55:58.240 --> 01:56:05.280
but I did do things like this. I did do things like this. But I'm going to say that I would

1451
01:56:05.280 --> 01:56:12.800
work for like a corporation, say FedEx, for instance. And I would be in a meeting

1452
01:56:14.560 --> 01:56:20.720
with a lot of people who are much higher ranked than I am, you know, up on the totem pole. Like

1453
01:56:20.720 --> 01:56:24.160
it was me and then my boss and my boss's boss and then his boss and his boss and whatever.

1454
01:56:24.800 --> 01:56:33.840
And I felt if I felt if they wanted me to do something and the project and it looked

1455
01:56:33.840 --> 01:56:42.240
in worldly wisdom, like I was supposed to do something. I mean, like it was wise to do a

1456
01:56:42.240 --> 01:56:48.080
particular action and then I need to end and whatever. If it looks like that to me, I mean,

1457
01:56:48.080 --> 01:56:54.160
I'm sorry if they wanted me to do that and even in worldly eyes, that's that in the world's eyes,

1458
01:56:54.160 --> 01:57:06.080
it would look like wisdom. If I felt that probably not even a hundred percent, if I felt probably

1459
01:57:07.600 --> 01:57:15.760
that God was telling me to say no and that I was going to declare that I would do something

1460
01:57:15.760 --> 01:57:23.920
different, I would say it. And we're not even talking it was I was for sure it was the Lord.

1461
01:57:23.920 --> 01:57:33.600
We're saying it was a probably. I would risk my job, my career, my reputation on things like that.

1462
01:57:34.160 --> 01:57:41.760
And it wasn't and so that's one that's one example. But so take that thing and then you can

1463
01:57:41.760 --> 01:57:46.800
just go and go down from there and you can go up from there is towards stream because I don't do

1464
01:57:46.800 --> 01:57:52.720
anything. Let me let me ask you this like so for example like the last two days I've taken work

1465
01:57:52.720 --> 01:57:59.440
off teaching. I feel super guilty. I feel ashamed that I had to take work off because I've been in

1466
01:57:59.440 --> 01:58:05.680
such a state. I feel like I'm letting people down. I feel bad like all of those feelings come up

1467
01:58:05.680 --> 01:58:11.520
but I felt like God was telling me to rest. I felt like I needed to rest and yet I'm sitting

1468
01:58:11.520 --> 01:58:20.240
here feeling like these awful feelings inside that I feel like align with where God wants me

1469
01:58:20.880 --> 01:58:28.320
and I'm wondering if this is an example of what does that mean feeling awful feelings inside that

1470
01:58:28.320 --> 01:58:34.240
you feel that you know what that God is telling you feeling guilty and shame like a shame that

1471
01:58:34.240 --> 01:58:39.280
I'm not at work like I'm not and then God's telling you that you're telling me telling you

1472
01:58:39.280 --> 01:58:45.680
that I feel like the Lord was allowing me the space to rest the last few days yes and then I

1473
01:58:45.680 --> 01:58:54.720
needed to spend some time just with him or with people who could point me to him and so I almost

1474
01:58:54.720 --> 01:59:00.480
liken that to your example because it's like I chose to do something that wasn't right in the

1475
01:59:00.480 --> 01:59:05.680
eyes of the world in the eyes of the teaching world in the eyes of my principal and vice

1476
01:59:05.680 --> 01:59:10.880
principal right but yet I felt called to do it and they're probably not going to be happy with

1477
01:59:10.880 --> 01:59:15.120
me and they're probably going to have their judgments about why I took you know a couple

1478
01:59:15.120 --> 01:59:23.520
days off or whatever but this is what I feel I needed to do and so is that an example of what

1479
01:59:23.520 --> 01:59:32.400
you're talking about kind of or am I really off um no no no I mean if you felt you know

1480
01:59:32.400 --> 01:59:36.880
you did it because you felt the Lord wanted you to and all if you're talking about like pushing

1481
01:59:36.880 --> 01:59:43.520
something to the point of risking death of the thing like right is that is that what you're

1482
01:59:43.520 --> 01:59:50.720
asking kind of like I'm risking the death of almost like when you talk about your reputation

1483
01:59:50.720 --> 01:59:56.320
like what people will think of me the death of possibly you know I can't get fired but

1484
01:59:56.320 --> 01:59:59.920
the death of my career at some point you know is is

1485
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:02.000
you know, it's impending almost,

1486
02:00:02.000 --> 02:00:04.080
like probably gonna happen.

1487
02:00:05.200 --> 02:00:08.000
Letting it go, even like deciding to take a year off

1488
02:00:08.000 --> 02:00:10.280
whether I get 10 clients or not.

1489
02:00:11.160 --> 02:00:14.000
Like is all of that pushing myself to,

1490
02:00:14.000 --> 02:00:16.840
is that an example of what you're talking about

1491
02:00:16.840 --> 02:00:18.320
or am I reading it wrong?

1492
02:00:18.320 --> 02:00:20.320
Cause I'm just trying to get a grasp on what you mean.

1493
02:00:20.320 --> 02:00:21.580
Cause I think it's really powerful,

1494
02:00:21.580 --> 02:00:25.440
but I just don't know that I fully ingested it yet.

1495
02:00:25.440 --> 02:00:28.640
Well, I'm not saying that what I was doing was right.

1496
02:00:30.000 --> 02:00:32.640
I'm saying what I was doing was the extreme.

1497
02:00:34.240 --> 02:00:38.340
I was just painting a picture of I'm so extreme

1498
02:00:38.340 --> 02:00:40.640
that I'm used to doing that.

1499
02:00:40.640 --> 02:00:44.120
And, but my point that I was getting to,

1500
02:00:44.120 --> 02:00:44.960
and I'm glad I remember

1501
02:00:44.960 --> 02:00:47.640
cause I was like, what point was I making anyway?

1502
02:00:47.640 --> 02:00:49.960
The point that I was getting to when I was saying that,

1503
02:00:49.960 --> 02:00:51.920
you know, I would push to the nth degree

1504
02:00:51.920 --> 02:00:53.800
in areas of my life to the point of death.

1505
02:00:53.800 --> 02:00:57.640
The one thing is the, I subjected all of those things.

1506
02:00:57.640 --> 02:00:59.880
The reason that I would push myself to the point

1507
02:00:59.880 --> 02:01:03.040
of potential death in all of them

1508
02:01:03.040 --> 02:01:06.320
is for my relationship with God.

1509
02:01:06.320 --> 02:01:10.920
Cause it is, so if I felt that it would,

1510
02:01:12.220 --> 02:01:13.280
well, yeah, anyway.

1511
02:01:13.280 --> 02:01:17.920
So if I felt that I needed to die in that area

1512
02:01:17.920 --> 02:01:19.880
or that thing needed to die

1513
02:01:20.520 --> 02:01:24.600
in so that I can continue to have a relationship with God,

1514
02:01:24.600 --> 02:01:27.760
then I would let the, I would risk the death

1515
02:01:27.760 --> 02:01:30.080
of the other thing in order to make sure

1516
02:01:30.080 --> 02:01:34.200
that my relationship with God was never risked.

1517
02:01:34.200 --> 02:01:35.600
I would risk everything else

1518
02:01:35.600 --> 02:01:38.200
in order to avoid risking my relationship with God.

1519
02:01:38.200 --> 02:01:39.320
That's what I'm trying to say.

1520
02:01:39.320 --> 02:01:43.680
Well, I got to that situation that I talked about

1521
02:01:43.680 --> 02:01:45.640
and that situation I talked about where I was like,

1522
02:01:45.640 --> 02:01:47.240
okay, God, I'm going to go into this

1523
02:01:47.240 --> 02:01:48.720
and I don't even believe it.

1524
02:01:48.720 --> 02:01:51.040
I'm not sure that this is from you.

1525
02:01:51.040 --> 02:01:53.760
That was the last thing that I risked

1526
02:01:53.760 --> 02:01:57.920
was for the first time I risked my relationship with God.

1527
02:01:57.920 --> 02:02:00.040
I risked everything.

1528
02:02:00.040 --> 02:02:02.320
So that was the point of my story.

1529
02:02:02.320 --> 02:02:03.160
What was that thing?

1530
02:02:03.160 --> 02:02:06.280
What was that last thing that you stepped into

1531
02:02:06.280 --> 02:02:08.120
that risked that relationship?

1532
02:02:09.560 --> 02:02:12.960
The fact that I chose the new gospel

1533
02:02:12.960 --> 02:02:14.520
and chose to leave the old one.

1534
02:02:15.480 --> 02:02:20.280
And the new gospel, the new gospel being.

1535
02:02:20.280 --> 02:02:21.440
The new gospel being, you know,

1536
02:02:21.440 --> 02:02:23.280
what we talk about in the wrath of intensive,

1537
02:02:23.280 --> 02:02:25.480
meaning the fact that we're one with Christ,

1538
02:02:25.480 --> 02:02:27.360
that there is no condemnation.

1539
02:02:27.360 --> 02:02:30.400
I mean, like ultimately there is no condemnation, like none.

1540
02:02:30.400 --> 02:02:33.480
We don't have to follow any laws and rules anymore

1541
02:02:33.480 --> 02:02:38.480
that I actually, I can rest and release.

1542
02:02:38.520 --> 02:02:41.920
And as soon as I do, I actually am naturally good

1543
02:02:41.920 --> 02:02:44.640
because if I'm operating out of the spirit

1544
02:02:44.640 --> 02:02:46.720
and not out of my soul, out of fear,

1545
02:02:46.720 --> 02:02:48.000
if I'm operating out of the spirit,

1546
02:02:48.000 --> 02:02:50.480
everything I do in the spirit is good and it's perfect,

1547
02:02:50.480 --> 02:02:53.280
just like Jesus Christ walked perfect on the earth.

1548
02:02:53.280 --> 02:02:54.200
That kind of thing.

1549
02:02:54.200 --> 02:02:59.000
In other words, that life was potential

1550
02:02:59.000 --> 02:03:00.800
for me to step into.

1551
02:03:00.800 --> 02:03:04.000
And meaning that I wasn't gonna be following laws

1552
02:03:04.000 --> 02:03:05.400
and rules anymore.

1553
02:03:05.400 --> 02:03:07.720
And I mean, like focusing on them.

1554
02:03:07.720 --> 02:03:09.360
It's not that I was gonna do bad things.

1555
02:03:09.360 --> 02:03:11.840
Now it was that I wasn't gonna be thinking about,

1556
02:03:12.600 --> 02:03:14.080
all the good and bad things that I needed to do

1557
02:03:14.080 --> 02:03:15.000
and to avoid.

1558
02:03:16.400 --> 02:03:19.040
And I was concerned that if I, in other words,

1559
02:03:19.040 --> 02:03:23.200
I was abandoning my reliance on knowledge

1560
02:03:25.240 --> 02:03:27.720
in order to please God.

1561
02:03:27.720 --> 02:03:31.680
And instead I was choosing that it sounded like

1562
02:03:31.680 --> 02:03:34.800
in scripture, he was saying, no, believe my word

1563
02:03:34.800 --> 02:03:37.320
when I tell you there, everything's done.

1564
02:03:37.320 --> 02:03:38.680
Christ had the victory.

1565
02:03:38.680 --> 02:03:39.920
There's no more costs.

1566
02:03:39.920 --> 02:03:44.920
There's no more payments and there's no condemnation.

1567
02:03:44.960 --> 02:03:48.480
And so therefore you can just be because you're enough.

1568
02:03:48.480 --> 02:03:51.120
You don't have to become anything.

1569
02:03:51.120 --> 02:03:53.480
That was another big part of this gospel

1570
02:03:53.480 --> 02:03:56.600
that we're already 100 fold.

1571
02:03:56.600 --> 02:03:57.680
We're already spirit.

1572
02:03:57.680 --> 02:03:58.960
We're already one with Christ.

1573
02:03:58.960 --> 02:04:01.520
We don't have to wait for death for it.

1574
02:04:02.560 --> 02:04:04.080
That's what it was.

1575
02:04:04.080 --> 02:04:06.680
It was because before I always believed

1576
02:04:06.680 --> 02:04:09.680
that I had to do all of the right things

1577
02:04:10.440 --> 02:04:11.520
and endure until the end.

1578
02:04:11.520 --> 02:04:13.280
If I could hope to,

1579
02:04:14.880 --> 02:04:16.800
now I believed that once saved, always saved.

1580
02:04:16.800 --> 02:04:19.200
So I did believe that back then,

1581
02:04:19.200 --> 02:04:23.880
but still this idea that in order to please God,

1582
02:04:23.880 --> 02:04:28.880
I needed to continually do upkeep.

1583
02:04:29.160 --> 02:04:32.280
And instead I was choosing to abandon all of that.

1584
02:04:32.280 --> 02:04:35.160
So in other words, I was abandoning upkeep.

1585
02:04:35.160 --> 02:04:37.560
And now that I've abandoned upkeep,

1586
02:04:37.600 --> 02:04:42.600
am I going to fall into corruption?

1587
02:04:43.160 --> 02:04:45.000
Is this a demonic gospel?

1588
02:04:46.160 --> 02:04:49.160
That's what I was risking.

1589
02:04:49.160 --> 02:04:50.640
It was very scary.

1590
02:04:52.360 --> 02:04:54.880
So then what does that mean?

1591
02:04:54.880 --> 02:04:58.000
Like abandoning the law, abandoning the rules

1592
02:04:58.000 --> 02:05:00.240
and just being in the spirit kind of thing?

1593
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:04.680
thing, what does that mean for the way that we work, the way we

1594
02:05:04.680 --> 02:05:08.820
do in life? Like, I know it's birthed out of that. But I'm so

1595
02:05:08.820 --> 02:05:12.600
in this place right now of, I want to be in that space, I want

1596
02:05:12.600 --> 02:05:16.200
to trust the Holy Spirit, I want to surrender, but then I'm still

1597
02:05:16.200 --> 02:05:20.560
not sure how to show up. Like, I look at you, and I look at how

1598
02:05:20.560 --> 02:05:23.160
His Spirit manifests through you. And I look at the way you

1599
02:05:23.160 --> 02:05:28.520
show up. And I, I love it. You know, like, I think it's

1600
02:05:28.520 --> 02:05:32.920
wonderful. I, I think, you know, He manifests His Spirit through

1601
02:05:32.920 --> 02:05:35.960
you in a beautiful way. And I've told you this before. And, you

1602
02:05:35.960 --> 02:05:38.880
know, I enjoy being around that and gleaning from you and all of

1603
02:05:38.880 --> 02:05:43.640
that. But I don't know. I don't know how He's supposed to

1604
02:05:43.640 --> 02:05:47.160
manifest through me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do

1605
02:05:47.160 --> 02:05:53.120
with that. I don't. I don't know that. I don't know that He can

1606
02:05:53.120 --> 02:05:56.080
manifest through me in a way that's going to be really like,

1607
02:05:58.480 --> 02:06:00.880
I don't know, it just I don't know how to explain it. But it's

1608
02:06:00.880 --> 02:06:06.240
just like the things that I do the actions I take. I can kind

1609
02:06:06.240 --> 02:06:08.680
of consult and be in the Spirit and be like, Okay, God, what

1610
02:06:08.680 --> 02:06:11.200
would you want me to do? And I know He wants me to be the fruits

1611
02:06:11.200 --> 02:06:14.200
of the Spirit. And He wants me to be all these things, which I

1612
02:06:14.200 --> 02:06:18.960
can be, but I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to

1613
02:06:19.920 --> 02:06:23.280
live that out in in like the way that you do in the way that is

1614
02:06:23.280 --> 02:06:27.640
just very natural for you. And I don't know that He what if He

1615
02:06:27.640 --> 02:06:31.400
manifests the Spirit through me, and it's like, really awful. And

1616
02:06:31.400 --> 02:06:34.040
it's not that He's an awful God or anything. But what if there's

1617
02:06:34.040 --> 02:06:37.520
something in the way of me allowing it and I'm like,

1618
02:06:37.800 --> 02:06:40.560
manifesting it in anger and resentment and all these other

1619
02:06:40.560 --> 02:06:43.520
things, but it's really not what He wants. It's just me skewing

1620
02:06:43.520 --> 02:06:47.040
it inside. And then that's how it comes out. Like, like when we

1621
02:06:47.040 --> 02:06:50.040
talk about not trusting myself, I think that's a big thing. I

1622
02:06:50.040 --> 02:06:56.840
trust Him. I don't, I don't, I don't trust myself. So I don't

1623
02:06:56.840 --> 02:06:59.160
know if that makes any sense what I just said.

1624
02:07:00.080 --> 02:07:03.080
Yeah, no, it makes complete sense. If we don't trust

1625
02:07:03.080 --> 02:07:06.760
ourselves, it means we don't trust Him. Because He's the one

1626
02:07:06.760 --> 02:07:10.440
who defined us. He's the one who told us what it was that we were

1627
02:07:10.440 --> 02:07:13.040
and weren't supposed to be trusting in life that we're now

1628
02:07:13.080 --> 02:07:16.200
that we're now creating a standard and comparing ourselves

1629
02:07:16.200 --> 02:07:21.160
against. So if we all, everything ultimately comes down

1630
02:07:21.160 --> 02:07:25.680
to an accusation against God. And so when I you know how I

1631
02:07:25.680 --> 02:07:28.360
often how I always say, you know, we need to believe that

1632
02:07:28.360 --> 02:07:31.040
God is who He says that He is to the degree that He says that He

1633
02:07:31.040 --> 02:07:34.560
is that and that we need to believe that we are who He says

1634
02:07:34.560 --> 02:07:38.640
that we are. That's redundant. I just say that just so that we

1635
02:07:38.640 --> 02:07:42.520
have a have an anchor point because I'm reminding people

1636
02:07:42.520 --> 02:07:46.080
that, hey, well, we because when we believe that God is who

1637
02:07:46.080 --> 02:07:50.280
He says that He is, we will naturally then believe that we

1638
02:07:50.280 --> 02:07:56.360
are who He says that we are. It because it so so to say that we

1639
02:07:56.360 --> 02:07:59.200
will believe we need to believe that we are who says that we

1640
02:07:59.200 --> 02:08:03.240
are. I am repeating what it is that I just said. It's because

1641
02:08:03.240 --> 02:08:09.000
that is in the other statement. So everything always comes back

1642
02:08:09.000 --> 02:08:12.560
to accusation against God, literally everything it is that

1643
02:08:12.560 --> 02:08:17.920
we're living out. That's not of the Spirit is accused is a

1644
02:08:17.920 --> 02:08:22.160
result of an accusation against God, because it's an accuser.

1645
02:08:22.200 --> 02:08:26.640
It's, it's denying his word. It's denied. In other words,

1646
02:08:26.640 --> 02:08:30.520
that whatever he said actually isn't true. And that's why we're

1647
02:08:30.520 --> 02:08:37.000
acting in a way that believes the opposite. And so anyway, I

1648
02:08:37.000 --> 02:08:39.600
just say that ultimately, that's really what what that

1649
02:08:39.600 --> 02:08:42.760
question is. So you're asking like, well, I don't know how to

1650
02:08:42.760 --> 02:08:47.640
show up. That's the thing. We're so used to having to work for it

1651
02:08:47.640 --> 02:08:51.280
and we're so used to having to try and we don't have to try

1652
02:08:51.280 --> 02:08:56.040
anymore. And if we're shifted into the Spirit, shifted into

1653
02:08:56.040 --> 02:08:59.720
the Spirit, you'll naturally do and all those be all those

1654
02:08:59.720 --> 02:09:02.880
things. Remember, it's called the fruits of the Spirit. In

1655
02:09:02.880 --> 02:09:06.920
other words, you already are those things in the Spirit. You

1656
02:09:06.920 --> 02:09:09.120
don't have to become those things. You don't have to learn

1657
02:09:09.120 --> 02:09:13.880
patience. We do not learn patience. We manifest it, we

1658
02:09:13.880 --> 02:09:16.600
already have it, we already have all the love, we already have

1659
02:09:16.600 --> 02:09:18.840
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control,

1660
02:09:18.840 --> 02:09:22.360
and the other thing is good to come. And we already have all of

1661
02:09:22.360 --> 02:09:25.880
those things. We already are all those things. But our soul isn't

1662
02:09:25.880 --> 02:09:28.880
manifesting it because it's resisting our Spirit because our

1663
02:09:28.880 --> 02:09:31.880
Spirit agrees with God, and our soul resists God because it's

1664
02:09:31.880 --> 02:09:36.120
afraid of him. So it's afraid of our own Spirit too. So we already

1665
02:09:36.480 --> 02:09:38.600
are those things. So we don't have to be afraid of how we're

1666
02:09:38.600 --> 02:09:42.360
going to show up. If we shift into the Spirit, we naturally

1667
02:09:42.360 --> 02:09:48.280
start being effortlessly and there are aspects of our life,

1668
02:09:48.320 --> 02:09:53.880
our personality, the tone of our voice, and our words that are

1669
02:09:53.880 --> 02:09:57.520
going to start changing. And we didn't even try. We didn't even

1670
02:09:57.520 --> 02:09:59.480
realize that we'll be in the middle of it and we'll think

1671
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:02.920
This isn't the way I used to really do it,

1672
02:10:02.920 --> 02:10:04.840
and this isn't what I've done for decades.

1673
02:10:04.840 --> 02:10:06.240
Why on earth am I doing it now?

1674
02:10:06.240 --> 02:10:07.560
Because we shifted into spirit,

1675
02:10:07.560 --> 02:10:09.680
that's who it is that we are,

1676
02:10:09.680 --> 02:10:11.740
and it's finally getting to manifest itself.

1677
02:10:11.740 --> 02:10:13.560
It's finally getting to express itself.

1678
02:10:13.560 --> 02:10:15.880
It's all effortless.

1679
02:10:15.880 --> 02:10:19.760
You finally find yourself having love,

1680
02:10:19.760 --> 02:10:21.620
joy, peace, patience, and all of that.

1681
02:10:21.620 --> 02:10:24.840
You remember that you asked me about that student one time,

1682
02:10:24.840 --> 02:10:26.960
a few, couple, two, three weeks ago,

1683
02:10:27.200 --> 02:10:32.200
about that student who had said something.

1684
02:10:32.960 --> 02:10:35.560
Oh yeah, she was upset because another student

1685
02:10:35.560 --> 02:10:37.320
had cut in front of her in line,

1686
02:10:37.320 --> 02:10:38.400
and you were wondering, okay,

1687
02:10:38.400 --> 02:10:40.820
how do I talk to someone in the spirit?

1688
02:10:42.080 --> 02:10:44.280
Because I was saying, talk to her in the spirit.

1689
02:10:44.280 --> 02:10:47.560
Talk to her spirit, not her soul, not the broken person.

1690
02:10:47.560 --> 02:10:48.720
You're like, how do I do that?

1691
02:10:48.720 --> 02:10:50.080
Like, what do I say?

1692
02:10:50.080 --> 02:10:52.240
And I said, and this is what I always say,

1693
02:10:52.240 --> 02:10:54.840
which I know might bother people,

1694
02:10:54.840 --> 02:10:58.760
but it's like, when you're in the spirit,

1695
02:10:58.760 --> 02:11:00.520
you'll know what to say.

1696
02:11:00.520 --> 02:11:01.960
So it's the same thing with you.

1697
02:11:01.960 --> 02:11:04.680
It's like what we're talking about here.

1698
02:11:04.680 --> 02:11:06.880
It's, well, I don't know how I'm gonna show up.

1699
02:11:06.880 --> 02:11:08.480
You don't have to figure that out.

1700
02:11:08.480 --> 02:11:10.080
You naturally are the thing.

1701
02:11:10.080 --> 02:11:15.080
Right now, we are going through life,

1702
02:11:15.200 --> 02:11:18.400
working hard to become something, be something,

1703
02:11:18.400 --> 02:11:21.160
act in a particular way, do a particular thing.

1704
02:11:21.160 --> 02:11:22.240
And so we're thinking, okay,

1705
02:11:22.240 --> 02:11:23.840
now if I'm supposed to change that,

1706
02:11:23.840 --> 02:11:25.080
what are the new rules?

1707
02:11:26.200 --> 02:11:28.920
What's the new way that I need to,

1708
02:11:28.920 --> 02:11:30.720
what's the new force, life force,

1709
02:11:30.720 --> 02:11:32.920
or source that I need to grab ahold of

1710
02:11:32.920 --> 02:11:35.760
that's gonna now help me be the new thing?

1711
02:11:36.960 --> 02:11:41.960
That it's, we're no longer having to try.

1712
02:11:42.360 --> 02:11:45.120
We naturally do it and we don't have to think about it.

1713
02:11:45.120 --> 02:11:47.080
We don't have to figure it out.

1714
02:11:47.080 --> 02:11:49.080
We naturally know what to say.

1715
02:11:49.080 --> 02:11:54.080
We naturally feel the right things, feel the godly things.

1716
02:11:56.200 --> 02:11:58.040
We naturally feel love for the unlovable.

1717
02:11:58.040 --> 02:11:58.880
And we didn't even try.

1718
02:11:58.880 --> 02:12:00.400
We didn't have to talk ourselves into it

1719
02:12:00.400 --> 02:12:03.320
and remind ourselves, well, Jesus is in them too.

1720
02:12:03.320 --> 02:12:05.560
We don't have to do any of that

1721
02:12:05.560 --> 02:12:06.400
because we're in our spirit.

1722
02:12:06.400 --> 02:12:09.600
So it's how we see everything because we are the thing.

1723
02:12:09.600 --> 02:12:10.760
So remember scripture,

1724
02:12:10.760 --> 02:12:12.800
whenever it's telling us all of these things,

1725
02:12:12.800 --> 02:12:14.800
be these things, do these things,

1726
02:12:14.800 --> 02:12:16.520
especially in the New Testament,

1727
02:12:16.520 --> 02:12:17.960
Sermon on the Mount,

1728
02:12:17.960 --> 02:12:19.960
or the 10 commandments in the Old Testament

1729
02:12:19.960 --> 02:12:21.200
and all of that,

1730
02:12:21.200 --> 02:12:23.560
all of those things are actually descriptions

1731
02:12:23.560 --> 02:12:26.080
of who your spirit is.

1732
02:12:26.080 --> 02:12:29.040
It's not things that who your spirit is becoming

1733
02:12:29.040 --> 02:12:32.120
or God is encouraging you to become.

1734
02:12:32.120 --> 02:12:34.560
The reason that it sounds like commandments

1735
02:12:34.560 --> 02:12:36.240
and the reason why it's called,

1736
02:12:36.240 --> 02:12:37.840
they're called commandments

1737
02:12:37.840 --> 02:12:41.160
is because it's talking to the soul.

1738
02:12:41.160 --> 02:12:45.960
But when the soul opens itself to the spirit,

1739
02:12:46.480 --> 02:12:49.760
before when it was under the Old Testament

1740
02:12:49.760 --> 02:12:51.680
and there were all those commandments,

1741
02:12:51.680 --> 02:12:53.840
well, the soul could only be interacted with

1742
02:12:53.840 --> 02:12:55.400
according to the law.

1743
02:12:55.400 --> 02:12:57.360
And according to the law, you have commandments

1744
02:12:57.360 --> 02:13:00.640
because the soul has to work for it

1745
02:13:00.640 --> 02:13:02.320
because it's not it naturally.

1746
02:13:02.320 --> 02:13:04.840
It's flesh, it's selfish.

1747
02:13:04.840 --> 02:13:08.000
The heart is deceitful above all things, et cetera.

1748
02:13:08.000 --> 02:13:10.240
But in the spirit, you're perfect.

1749
02:13:10.240 --> 02:13:14.320
In your spiritual heart is not deceitful above all things.

1750
02:13:14.320 --> 02:13:16.320
So now that we're under the new covenant,

1751
02:13:16.320 --> 02:13:17.800
now that we've chosen it,

1752
02:13:17.800 --> 02:13:21.800
if we continually choose to operate by it every day

1753
02:13:21.800 --> 02:13:23.320
in the decisions that we make,

1754
02:13:23.320 --> 02:13:24.480
and we live in that place

1755
02:13:24.480 --> 02:13:26.320
instead of like shifting down to the soul,

1756
02:13:26.320 --> 02:13:28.760
if we choose continually to shift in the spirit,

1757
02:13:28.760 --> 02:13:31.160
we get to benefit from all of the ways

1758
02:13:31.160 --> 02:13:34.320
that we live in life from the spirit.

1759
02:13:34.320 --> 02:13:35.600
And all of that's effortless.

1760
02:13:35.600 --> 02:13:37.960
We don't have to do or become anything.

1761
02:13:37.960 --> 02:13:42.960
We just live and allow ourselves to be,

1762
02:13:43.000 --> 02:13:46.080
to do and say out of what comes naturally

1763
02:13:46.080 --> 02:13:50.520
and everything that comes naturally from spirit is good

1764
02:13:50.520 --> 02:13:53.560
because the nature of the spirit is good

1765
02:13:53.560 --> 02:13:54.880
and righteous, et cetera.

1766
02:13:54.880 --> 02:13:58.880
So these are questions that you don't even have to answer

1767
02:13:58.880 --> 02:14:01.920
because you do them.

1768
02:14:01.920 --> 02:14:03.520
You'll just do them.

1769
02:14:03.520 --> 02:14:05.440
You don't have to learn how to do them

1770
02:14:05.440 --> 02:14:07.480
and then have to follow the rules.

1771
02:14:08.560 --> 02:14:10.360
You'll be it and you'll do it.

1772
02:14:10.360 --> 02:14:12.280
And you'll be like, oh, this is what I'm doing.

1773
02:14:12.680 --> 02:14:13.600
This is how I'm living.

1774
02:14:13.600 --> 02:14:14.440
This is what it is.

1775
02:14:14.440 --> 02:14:15.440
Apparently this is what it is

1776
02:14:15.440 --> 02:14:17.000
because this is what I'm doing.

1777
02:14:17.000 --> 02:14:19.800
But when we're in the soul,

1778
02:14:19.800 --> 02:14:23.600
we have to be in the soul.

1779
02:14:24.680 --> 02:14:28.400
It has been out of flesh

1780
02:14:28.400 --> 02:14:32.280
and we tend to make wrong choices.

1781
02:14:33.280 --> 02:14:36.000
But that's why the soul had to try

1782
02:14:36.000 --> 02:14:38.240
and had to learn all of the things

1783
02:14:38.240 --> 02:14:41.200
it was supposed to do instead and then try for it.

1784
02:14:41.840 --> 02:14:45.160
But all the things the soul has to try for,

1785
02:14:45.160 --> 02:14:48.320
the spirit does all those things naturally without trying.

1786
02:14:48.320 --> 02:14:51.400
It's good naturally and it cannot do bad.

1787
02:14:52.880 --> 02:14:55.680
It's impossible for the spirit to do bad.

1788
02:14:55.680 --> 02:14:56.920
Impossible.

1789
02:14:56.920 --> 02:15:00.520
Your spirit, it's impossible for it to do bad.

1790
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:05.840
too bad. It's in Christ. Christ will not be united with anything that's corrupted and anything that's

1791
02:15:05.840 --> 02:15:14.320
sinful. Sin cannot abide in sin, you know, so 100% guaranteed throughout scripture repeatedly

1792
02:15:15.440 --> 02:15:21.440
it, you know, it's impossible for you to do anything wrong. Impossible. So anyway,

1793
02:15:21.440 --> 02:15:25.440
we have to choose, though, in order to shift into the Spirit, which is in God,

1794
02:15:25.440 --> 02:15:31.920
we have to fit, we have to make ourselves vulnerable and choose to be safe, choose to

1795
02:15:31.920 --> 02:15:36.560
find our safety in God and he'll prove himself that we're safe, that we're safe with him.

1796
02:15:36.560 --> 02:15:40.480
That's the only way we can operate out of the Spirit. We can't operate out of the Spirit without

1797
02:15:40.480 --> 02:15:48.240
intimacy with God. We can't operate out of the Spirit without being vulnerable because vulnerability

1798
02:15:48.240 --> 02:15:54.720
gets us, gets us in God, so to speak. We're already in God, but it helps us shift in our

1799
02:15:54.720 --> 02:16:01.440
consciousness into it and it's from God that we operate out of the Spirit. We can't operate out

1800
02:16:01.440 --> 02:16:07.760
of the Spirit outside of God, so if we're not vulnerable, we can't have access to our own

1801
02:16:07.760 --> 02:16:11.040
Spirit. The only way we can have access to our own Spirit is to be vulnerable.

1802
02:16:12.160 --> 02:16:17.680
So then the vulnerability, like you said, you know, lie on the ground and all of that, like I'm

1803
02:16:18.560 --> 02:16:24.640
I'm trying to figure out, and I know again it's trying to figure out, but it's like I want to land

1804
02:16:24.640 --> 02:16:33.840
on what it is I can do to just be vulnerable and I don't, I don't know that I fully understand

1805
02:16:34.959 --> 02:16:40.240
how to be vulnerable. Actually, I didn't understand what vulnerability really was. I ended up

1806
02:16:40.240 --> 02:16:45.120
putting a question into my group recently and I said, what does being vulnerable mean to you? And

1807
02:16:45.760 --> 02:16:51.520
I got like 70 or more answers, which was great because I got to see, because I'm like, I have

1808
02:16:51.520 --> 02:17:00.639
such a skewed idea about vulnerability. I, I've seen myself not vulnerable at all, terrified to

1809
02:17:00.639 --> 02:17:06.000
be hurt, protecting myself with like a fortress around me, all the way to the other side of what

1810
02:17:06.000 --> 02:17:13.360
happened in Clemmer when I was so vulnerable and it was like brutal. And I thought vulnerability

1811
02:17:13.360 --> 02:17:20.160
was disclosing everything. But I don't think I have a full, even though I got all the answers,

1812
02:17:20.160 --> 02:17:27.440
which was amazing, I don't think I have a full idea of vulnerability besides it is kind of like,

1813
02:17:27.440 --> 02:17:34.160
you know, asking for help, being real and sharing the parts of you that you feel are not enough. But,

1814
02:17:34.160 --> 02:17:38.559
but other than that, I don't really know what it means to be vulnerable with God in a safe,

1815
02:17:38.559 --> 02:17:44.879
healthy way. Well, the,

1816
02:17:50.080 --> 02:18:00.799
I'm going to think of how to, how to articulate that. Something you said

1817
02:18:01.360 --> 02:18:03.200
struck me, but I don't remember what it was.

1818
02:18:06.559 --> 02:18:09.760
Okay. Let me think about it just a second. How to, how to maybe articulate it.

1819
02:18:13.440 --> 02:18:20.480
You allow him to come in. Okay. Think of it. Okay. So give yourself, give yourself some like

1820
02:18:20.480 --> 02:18:27.520
mental tools here. Think of like a, like a door or something inside where, wherever you feel

1821
02:18:27.600 --> 02:18:31.760
the most vulnerable. If you, if it's like, if you feel the most vulnerable in your stomach

1822
02:18:31.760 --> 02:18:35.520
or if you're feel vulnerability in your chest for me, I fill it in my chest,

1823
02:18:35.520 --> 02:18:38.879
but some people fill it in their stomach. So wherever, wherever you feel vulnerable,

1824
02:18:38.879 --> 02:18:44.000
I feel it here. This is the place I want to protect. Some people want to protect this,

1825
02:18:44.000 --> 02:18:47.840
you know, spiritually, you know, the, the, that, that makes them feel uncomfortable.

1826
02:18:47.840 --> 02:18:54.879
This makes me feel uncomfortable. So, so imagine wherever that is, you know, think of it like a

1827
02:18:55.440 --> 02:18:59.520
door. And then when you're lying there and you're lying there, you know, think of,

1828
02:18:59.520 --> 02:19:04.080
think of the fact that, that, that, that door is on your, is on your chest.

1829
02:19:04.799 --> 02:19:09.440
And then while you're lying there and that you, you invite God to come and then you,

1830
02:19:09.440 --> 02:19:19.360
and you open it. And, and if you need to, you can feel as if it's like opening yourself all the way

1831
02:19:19.520 --> 02:19:28.160
up like that. What's really going to help is the fact that you are spread Eagle in the fact that,

1832
02:19:28.160 --> 02:19:32.719
especially for a woman, it makes us feel very vulnerable when our legs are apart.

1833
02:19:34.080 --> 02:19:38.879
You're in, your legs are going to be part because it's spread Eagle. So that already is going to

1834
02:19:38.879 --> 02:19:47.120
help because you're, you're triggering things that already make you feel vulnerable. So if you're

1835
02:19:47.600 --> 02:19:54.880
that already make you feel vulnerable. And then in that place, in that States that you're used to,

1836
02:19:54.880 --> 02:19:59.760
that we're used to triggering our vulnerable, our feelings of vulnerability in the physical.

1837
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:05.160
It's going to go down into the metaphysical as we open it up, because we're already being

1838
02:20:05.160 --> 02:20:10.120
triggered in the physical, in the metaphysical, it's going to mirror and so as you open up

1839
02:20:10.120 --> 02:20:17.240
that trap door or that, you know, that door, you know, saying, God, you know, you can,

1840
02:20:17.240 --> 02:20:20.520
for me, I don't tell him, okay, God, you can see everything.

1841
02:20:20.520 --> 02:20:23.560
I just, I, I, that didn't really, I don't know.

1842
02:20:23.560 --> 02:20:26.840
Like I said, that doesn't play into what I'm not asking.

1843
02:20:26.840 --> 02:20:33.880
I'm wanting to do this effortlessly, and so I'm not wanting to belabor what he finds

1844
02:20:33.880 --> 02:20:37.280
in there, the specific things he finds in there and the traumas and what needs to be

1845
02:20:37.280 --> 02:20:38.280
brought up.

1846
02:20:38.280 --> 02:20:42.440
And so I have to think about it and I have to remember it and that's too much work.

1847
02:20:42.440 --> 02:20:44.200
I don't, I don't do that.

1848
02:20:44.200 --> 02:20:53.040
I just, I just opened myself up and, and then I just say, okay, God, I don't tell him he

1849
02:20:53.040 --> 02:20:55.240
can come in.

1850
02:20:55.240 --> 02:21:07.480
I draw him in and so I imagine him coming, not, I don't imagine a physical form.

1851
02:21:07.480 --> 02:21:17.080
I, I just, I imagine just this, I just get the sense of, of, of God, this, this being

1852
02:21:17.080 --> 02:21:22.160
this cloud, this, whatever, whatever comes, whatever comes to your feeling, you don't

1853
02:21:22.280 --> 02:21:23.280
have to think about it.

1854
02:21:23.280 --> 02:21:29.880
In fact, try as much as possible to not think and just feel your way through it.

1855
02:21:29.880 --> 02:21:36.360
And which was very helpful for me because I tend to think when I logically work all

1856
02:21:36.360 --> 02:21:37.360
this out.

1857
02:21:37.360 --> 02:21:38.360
And so it should probably be very helpful for you.

1858
02:21:38.360 --> 02:21:43.600
You know, you'd like to think, so just stop thinking and just feel your way through it.

1859
02:21:43.600 --> 02:21:47.600
Rely on your feelings and not on your thoughts because your thoughts will get in the way

1860
02:21:47.600 --> 02:21:53.480
because we're used to relying on them and we need to stop relying on a crutch outside

1861
02:21:53.480 --> 02:21:54.480
of God.

1862
02:21:54.480 --> 02:21:59.120
So, so anyway, so you just, I just kind of opened myself up to him.

1863
02:21:59.120 --> 02:22:04.320
I get this sense of God and then, and then I, and then I imagined him coming this, this

1864
02:22:04.320 --> 02:22:06.560
like cloud or, or whatever.

1865
02:22:06.560 --> 02:22:11.280
Again, I try not to give him like a human form because then that, that, that really

1866
02:22:11.280 --> 02:22:15.880
kind of messes me up and I'm like, well, and it doesn't feel like I'm taking him in because

1867
02:22:15.880 --> 02:22:18.240
then I start thinking about physics and I'm like, yeah, but he can't fit in.

1868
02:22:18.240 --> 02:22:24.040
And so I just think of this like spirit, whatever I think of spirit, you know, and it comes

1869
02:22:24.040 --> 02:22:31.040
in and then, and then I start to and then I start to feel that vulnerability at a deeper

1870
02:22:31.040 --> 02:22:33.400
level because, Oh, he hit it.

1871
02:22:33.400 --> 02:22:36.640
And then I'll find, I find me starting to push back a little bit.

1872
02:22:36.640 --> 02:22:42.200
So I've let him in and then I start, and I start pushing back at a certain point.

1873
02:22:42.200 --> 02:22:48.280
And then I have some, uh, Ashley opened that door and let him come in more.

1874
02:22:48.280 --> 02:22:55.880
And so every time you find that, a feeling of resistance where you're not where you realize,

1875
02:22:55.880 --> 02:23:01.400
okay, I've hit kind of like a little, a floor, then how do I open that floor again?

1876
02:23:01.400 --> 02:23:02.600
That floor is resistance.

1877
02:23:02.600 --> 02:23:03.600
How do I open it up?

1878
02:23:03.600 --> 02:23:04.600
Another floor?

1879
02:23:04.600 --> 02:23:05.600
Good.

1880
02:23:05.600 --> 02:23:08.880
Think kind of through your sort of kind of through your six tools and the fact that it's

1881
02:23:08.880 --> 02:23:16.440
like, let go, whatever you're doing, stop, no judgment, but it should be something different,

1882
02:23:16.440 --> 02:23:20.960
you know, choose, um, no shame, no condemnation, you know, whatever.

1883
02:23:20.960 --> 02:23:28.440
And just, and let it go, tell yourself whatever you need to, to finally get yourself to stop

1884
02:23:28.440 --> 02:23:30.120
doing what you're doing.

1885
02:23:30.120 --> 02:23:36.640
Um, and, and then that will, by the stopping, you'll be letting go, you'll be releasing.

1886
02:23:36.640 --> 02:23:42.640
Um, that, yeah, that's the, you know, is that helpful?

1887
02:23:42.640 --> 02:23:43.640
Yeah.

1888
02:23:43.640 --> 02:23:47.320
And then, so it does, it is helpful to have a visual.

1889
02:23:47.320 --> 02:23:50.960
Cause I was like, I don't know, like there, there was something missing cause I was trying

1890
02:23:50.960 --> 02:23:52.360
to figure out how to do it.

1891
02:23:52.360 --> 02:23:58.000
And, um, and I know that it's, it's supposed to be a natural thing, but sometimes when

1892
02:23:58.000 --> 02:24:00.240
it's new, it's like, we need those tools.

1893
02:24:00.240 --> 02:24:01.240
Right.

1894
02:24:01.240 --> 02:24:08.520
So I'm letting him in and I'm feeling all of those feelings and it's really good.

1895
02:24:08.520 --> 02:24:17.640
Um, so just doing that will help me experience more of his love and will allow me to live

1896
02:24:17.640 --> 02:24:22.240
more in his spirit from a place of being just by doing that, it's just going to transfer

1897
02:24:22.240 --> 02:24:27.680
over into other things because I do that every day or every however often, I don't know,

1898
02:24:27.680 --> 02:24:32.880
it's like, I know I'm looking for a formula and I know there's no formula, but it's like

1899
02:24:32.880 --> 02:24:40.240
just doing that allows enough of a transformation to actually live in the spirit more.

1900
02:24:40.240 --> 02:24:50.040
Um, well, what it's doing is by doing that, you're breaking down the resistance that you've

1901
02:24:50.040 --> 02:24:54.480
built against entering him.

1902
02:24:54.480 --> 02:24:58.960
But then there's an added measure of then choosing.

1903
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:03.780
of it can, just doing that, you can realize, oh my word,

1904
02:25:04.720 --> 02:25:07.480
you know, in this exercise, oh my word,

1905
02:25:07.480 --> 02:25:09.380
I'm in the place of my greatest fear.

1906
02:25:10.400 --> 02:25:11.800
I thought I wasn't safe here,

1907
02:25:11.800 --> 02:25:14.880
and I'm finding I am not only safe,

1908
02:25:14.880 --> 02:25:19.160
I'm finding that without words to articulate it,

1909
02:25:19.160 --> 02:25:20.920
and don't try, don't try to articulate it,

1910
02:25:20.920 --> 02:25:23.000
I highly recommend don't try to articulate it,

1911
02:25:23.000 --> 02:25:25.920
allow it to just be, it will be more powerful that way

1912
02:25:27.880 --> 02:25:29.100
than trying to put words to it,

1913
02:25:29.100 --> 02:25:30.620
because sometimes putting words to it,

1914
02:25:30.620 --> 02:25:32.420
yes, sometimes those things can be helpful,

1915
02:25:32.420 --> 02:25:34.940
but sometimes all it does is it just limits,

1916
02:25:34.940 --> 02:25:38.380
it limits the experience and the power

1917
02:25:38.380 --> 02:25:40.040
that we allow it to have over us.

1918
02:25:42.860 --> 02:25:47.860
So when, so there, so you do that,

1919
02:25:49.620 --> 02:25:51.420
and so it's gonna teach you more and more,

1920
02:25:51.420 --> 02:25:54.060
oh my goodness, in the place of my greatest fear,

1921
02:25:54.060 --> 02:25:57.740
I'm actually, I'm voluntarily putting myself there,

1922
02:25:57.820 --> 02:25:59.940
and I'm finding that I'm actually safe.

1923
02:26:01.580 --> 02:26:04.540
I was afraid that I wouldn't be safe,

1924
02:26:04.540 --> 02:26:07.340
and I'm actually finding the opposite,

1925
02:26:07.340 --> 02:26:10.060
I'm finding this is the safest I've ever felt.

1926
02:26:11.820 --> 02:26:15.840
I thought I would lose my identity in him,

1927
02:26:15.840 --> 02:26:17.700
but instead I've found it.

1928
02:26:17.700 --> 02:26:20.260
We find all the opposites are true,

1929
02:26:20.260 --> 02:26:22.100
but we're not articulating it to ourselves,

1930
02:26:22.100 --> 02:26:24.760
we just kind of feel that everything's fine,

1931
02:26:25.760 --> 02:26:29.040
everything, like in that place we're like,

1932
02:26:29.040 --> 02:26:32.120
God, I'm just experiencing you,

1933
02:26:32.120 --> 02:26:34.360
I'm just, I'm just, that's the best word

1934
02:26:34.360 --> 02:26:35.640
I can think of to describe it,

1935
02:26:35.640 --> 02:26:38.240
God, I'm just experiencing you,

1936
02:26:38.240 --> 02:26:43.240
and I'm feeling, and it feels like everything's okay,

1937
02:26:43.240 --> 02:26:47.280
everything's okay about whoever it is that you are,

1938
02:26:47.280 --> 02:26:48.680
which I'm not thinking about right now

1939
02:26:48.680 --> 02:26:50.960
in English words about what that is,

1940
02:26:50.960 --> 02:26:54.400
everything about you, whoever it is that you are is okay,

1941
02:26:54.960 --> 02:26:57.040
for it to be that way, and I'm not scared,

1942
02:26:57.040 --> 02:27:01.920
everything about myself is okay, and I'm not scared,

1943
02:27:01.920 --> 02:27:05.080
and I know finally who I am, and I don't have words for it,

1944
02:27:05.080 --> 02:27:08.880
all I know is I feel like there's this weight in me

1945
02:27:08.880 --> 02:27:12.920
that can't be moved, and I'm solid, and I'm sure,

1946
02:27:12.920 --> 02:27:15.680
and this is me, I found the place of my identity,

1947
02:27:15.680 --> 02:27:17.040
I found the place where I'm joined,

1948
02:27:17.040 --> 02:27:21.420
I found the place of my, of the origination of my existence,

1949
02:27:21.420 --> 02:27:26.420
and anyway, so, and we think, I found, I'm safe,

1950
02:27:33.540 --> 02:27:36.140
that's what I feel like right now, I am safe,

1951
02:27:38.020 --> 02:27:43.020
then, then from that place, we have more courage,

1952
02:27:45.900 --> 02:27:50.660
not having changed any of our behavior,

1953
02:27:50.660 --> 02:27:52.500
all we did was went through the exercise, right,

1954
02:27:52.500 --> 02:27:54.260
all we did was make ourselves vulnerable to the Lord,

1955
02:27:54.260 --> 02:27:55.340
so we didn't change our behavior,

1956
02:27:55.340 --> 02:27:58.380
we didn't do something amazing and grandiose,

1957
02:27:58.380 --> 02:28:00.180
we just made ourselves vulnerable,

1958
02:28:00.180 --> 02:28:01.940
and we found that place where like, oh my word,

1959
02:28:01.940 --> 02:28:05.340
this is where I've existed, and I didn't know it,

1960
02:28:05.340 --> 02:28:07.380
all we're doing is we're shifting our consciousness

1961
02:28:07.380 --> 02:28:10.720
into the fact that we already are in that state,

1962
02:28:10.720 --> 02:28:13.500
we're finally allowing ourselves to experience it,

1963
02:28:13.500 --> 02:28:14.740
but our spirit's already there,

1964
02:28:14.740 --> 02:28:17.060
in fact, our spirit is already there to a deeper degree

1965
02:28:17.060 --> 02:28:20.080
than we're actually letting our soul experience

1966
02:28:20.600 --> 02:28:21.760
in that moment, because we're just able to do it

1967
02:28:21.760 --> 02:28:25.360
to a certain measure based on how far we can go that day,

1968
02:28:25.360 --> 02:28:29.560
but I think, oh my word, this is where my spirit already is,

1969
02:28:29.560 --> 02:28:34.560
and so once you realize, okay, I didn't have to change

1970
02:28:35.560 --> 02:28:38.800
in order to experience this, I didn't have to change

1971
02:28:38.800 --> 02:28:40.880
in order to have this of the Lord,

1972
02:28:40.880 --> 02:28:42.800
I didn't have to be something different,

1973
02:28:42.800 --> 02:28:47.800
now, I feel safe enough to risk, to choose that God

1974
02:28:51.080 --> 02:28:56.080
I want you to manifest yourself in my life,

1975
02:28:56.400 --> 02:28:58.680
manifest your character into my life,

1976
02:28:58.680 --> 02:29:02.560
however, your character is to the degree that it is that,

1977
02:29:03.540 --> 02:29:06.680
and forget my lifestyle, Lord, forget it,

1978
02:29:06.680 --> 02:29:09.480
forget what it is that I want, I forget what I want,

1979
02:29:09.480 --> 02:29:14.480
meaning like I release ownership, it can all go away,

1980
02:29:14.680 --> 02:29:16.680
it can literally truly all go away,

1981
02:29:16.680 --> 02:29:18.560
not like, oh, it can all go away,

1982
02:29:18.560 --> 02:29:22.100
but I really hope it won't, no, it won't work,

1983
02:29:23.200 --> 02:29:27.960
God, you can take it all, not, oh, you could take it all,

1984
02:29:27.960 --> 02:29:30.280
you know, Lord, you know, if you really have to,

1985
02:29:30.280 --> 02:29:33.320
won't work, God, you can absolutely,

1986
02:29:33.320 --> 02:29:37.880
I am telling you and I am point blank giving you permission,

1987
02:29:37.880 --> 02:29:41.880
you can take away everything on my word

1988
02:29:41.880 --> 02:29:46.880
right here, right now, but I ask that the only reason

1989
02:29:47.800 --> 02:29:51.800
I'm doing that, Lord, is because I am saying,

1990
02:29:51.800 --> 02:29:54.920
what it is that I'm saying is I'm not giving this up, Lord,

1991
02:29:54.920 --> 02:29:58.280
what I'm saying is I want you instead,

1992
02:29:58.280 --> 02:29:59.520
that's what I'm doing.

1993
02:30:00.560 --> 02:30:06.960
I want you and who it is that you are to the degree that you are that to manifest in my life.

1994
02:30:06.960 --> 02:30:12.720
And it has permission to you as the good, as the giver, where everything that you give is always

1995
02:30:12.720 --> 02:30:18.400
about you and not, and you expressing yourself and not about me. I give you permission. And,

1996
02:30:18.400 --> 02:30:22.720
and I ask you, I, it's not just giving you permission. Like I'm just going to lay here

1997
02:30:22.720 --> 02:30:26.400
and go, okay, well, God, you know, just do whatever you want. That won't work

1998
02:30:26.400 --> 02:30:34.720
because that has no intention in it. It'd be like, God, no, I am actively choosing and asking you

1999
02:30:34.720 --> 02:30:43.280
and inviting you and pulling God, make that thing happen. And this is not passive Lord.

2000
02:30:43.280 --> 02:30:48.720
This is active. Make whoever it is that you are to the degree you are that make that manifest in

2001
02:30:48.720 --> 02:30:54.320
my life. And it can show up however you want. And it can show up as the opposite of what it

2002
02:30:54.560 --> 02:31:00.000
of the dreams that I presented to you this far, whatever you want, that will change everything.

2003
02:31:00.000 --> 02:31:06.880
It changed me when I did it. I literally made that choice and I gave up what I wanted about

2004
02:31:06.880 --> 02:31:11.840
literally everything in life, everything, no matter what I had to live out, no matter if I

2005
02:31:11.840 --> 02:31:17.360
had to live out what it is that I thought was I hated the most or whatever. So what you're seeing

2006
02:31:17.920 --> 02:31:27.440
that you like about, about my life, about how I, how I act, you know, how you say that I show up,

2007
02:31:27.440 --> 02:31:33.360
maybe you, maybe you admire and want the type of life that I, this type of lifestyle that I have

2008
02:31:33.920 --> 02:31:38.160
in the fact that I'm, I'm teaching and I'm coaching and people are asking for my services

2009
02:31:39.280 --> 02:31:46.080
you do know that I didn't get this until I said the other, that I was in the position that you're

2010
02:31:46.080 --> 02:31:51.520
in until I said the other, and I gave up everything. And then God's like, okay, the way

2011
02:31:51.520 --> 02:31:57.200
that my character will manifest will, it will develop over a long period of time, actually,

2012
02:31:57.200 --> 02:32:01.840
but eventually it will manifest and what it is that I'm living now, but what it is I'm living

2013
02:32:01.840 --> 02:32:08.160
now, isn't stable. It's continuing to change. One of the things that I'm doing here in this lodge,

2014
02:32:08.160 --> 02:32:12.960
the next few days is the next several days, past few days. And I was, in fact, I was doing it this

2015
02:32:12.960 --> 02:32:18.240
morning. I woke up early this morning and about three in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep

2016
02:32:18.240 --> 02:32:22.800
three 30. I went to bed at 12, woke up at three 30, couldn't go back to sleep. So guess what came

2017
02:32:22.800 --> 02:32:30.160
to mind because I was relaxed all of a sudden, all of these things for the ministry and where

2018
02:32:30.160 --> 02:32:36.240
the Lord might be wanting me to, where the Lord and I together might, what we might want to do,

2019
02:32:36.240 --> 02:32:40.320
cause he was, he and I were kind of talking about it in my spirit. All of a sudden I just got this

2020
02:32:40.320 --> 02:32:46.160
flood. So I, I wrote it all down, you know, and so it took me probably like, I don't know, over like

2021
02:32:46.160 --> 02:32:52.240
an hour, two hours, three hours. I don't remember how long. And, um, but so it's morphing and it's

2022
02:32:52.240 --> 02:32:59.040
changing, um, to other people who, who want this and who desire, this might look nice. I didn't

2023
02:32:59.040 --> 02:33:05.680
know that this is what I was going to be doing. I did want this, but, but I had to, I had to give

2024
02:33:05.680 --> 02:33:11.200
it up. And I thought that I wouldn't get it. If, when I gave it up, I was like, you know,

2025
02:33:11.200 --> 02:33:16.960
I bet you I'm not going to get it. And I gave it up under the circumstances and under the situation.

2026
02:33:16.960 --> 02:33:23.840
So, um, but once I didn't need it, God's like, okay, now you can have it. That's why that that's,

2027
02:33:23.840 --> 02:33:30.800
that's what it is that I'm living right now. I'm living something I don't need anymore. I used to

2028
02:33:30.800 --> 02:33:37.840
need it, but now that I'm in it, I, I don't, I mean, um, before God gave, before God had me

2029
02:33:37.840 --> 02:33:43.200
live like this and, and, and the way that he and I, um, in our relationship manifests into reality

2030
02:33:43.200 --> 02:33:50.800
in the way that it currently looks like to other people. Um, this, um, uh, sorry, I don't remember

2031
02:33:50.800 --> 02:34:00.080
how I started the sentence, but anyway, uh, that I didn't, um, this, this develops and I didn't get

2032
02:34:00.080 --> 02:34:05.920
it until, and it didn't develop until I didn't need it anymore. And then God's like, okay, now

2033
02:34:05.920 --> 02:34:10.240
that you didn't need it. I mean, now that you no longer need it. Now that you just focus on me

2034
02:34:10.240 --> 02:34:15.360
and the two of us living life together, what do we want to do? And how do we want to build it?

2035
02:34:15.360 --> 02:34:18.800
And I get to have a say so too. And I'm very excited that you're not wanting to live life

2036
02:34:18.800 --> 02:34:23.280
all on your own. And I get to make some of the decisions we get to do this together.

2037
02:34:23.280 --> 02:34:27.040
And I get to make the plans come true because I'm the one who creates all the results,

2038
02:34:27.040 --> 02:34:32.160
but we both provide intention and you provide ideas and I provide ideas and we just do this

2039
02:34:32.160 --> 02:34:40.080
together. So now that, that this is what it is that you need, Ashley, now it'll manifest in all

2040
02:34:40.080 --> 02:34:46.480
of these other ways that you used to think you needed in order to feel good. But now that you

2041
02:34:46.480 --> 02:34:53.840
feel good because you're with me now, we can do all these things. Um, but, uh, but I'm, I'm,

2042
02:34:53.840 --> 02:34:59.920
what it is I'm living out even currently, I don't need it. It's not like, Oh, I don't.

2043
02:35:00.000 --> 02:35:04.320
didn't need it. And now that I'm in it now, now I, now I need it again, you know?

2044
02:35:04.320 --> 02:35:08.120
And so I finally got it back, but I had to go through a season, you know,

2045
02:35:08.120 --> 02:35:12.520
where I didn't need it and I proved it to God. And then he was like, okay,

2046
02:35:12.520 --> 02:35:14.240
see, she doesn't need it now. I'll give it to her.

2047
02:35:14.240 --> 02:35:16.920
And then I start grabbing onto it again. I can't,

2048
02:35:17.360 --> 02:35:21.080
God continually reminds me when I'm starting to grab a hold of something,

2049
02:35:21.080 --> 02:35:25.280
because I really like it. Um, a relationship, um,

2050
02:35:26.400 --> 02:35:28.240
uh, my business looking a particular way.

2051
02:35:28.240 --> 02:35:32.120
He had me face all of this last November that I went to my business to look a

2052
02:35:32.120 --> 02:35:35.680
particular way. And God's like, and I was like, God, it's just fine.

2053
02:35:35.680 --> 02:35:39.200
The way it is. And God's like, no, it needs to change. And that, and that,

2054
02:35:39.240 --> 02:35:44.560
that was a very hard, um, so, uh, three weeks. Um, and, um,

2055
02:35:44.600 --> 02:35:48.000
I was, I was grieving a bit, um, that it had,

2056
02:35:48.040 --> 02:35:51.880
that my business had to change and ended up changing and just what it is now,

2057
02:35:51.880 --> 02:35:53.240
which is amazing. But I didn't know,

2058
02:35:53.260 --> 02:35:57.080
this is what it was going to look like when I told the Lord, okay, I'll, uh,

2059
02:35:57.160 --> 02:36:00.600
you know, if you, if we, if you say that we need it to change,

2060
02:36:00.840 --> 02:36:03.840
then I'm with you on it. We live life together.

2061
02:36:04.360 --> 02:36:06.360
I choose it out of my own free will,

2062
02:36:06.800 --> 02:36:09.520
not out of a servant's attitude of obligation.

2063
02:36:09.920 --> 02:36:12.200
I choose that this is what we're going to do because I love you.

2064
02:36:12.200 --> 02:36:15.360
And this is what you want to do. And I think it must be good.

2065
02:36:15.800 --> 02:36:17.120
And therefore here we go.

2066
02:36:18.040 --> 02:36:21.440
Only I'm blind and you're not because you know where we're going and I don't,

2067
02:36:21.600 --> 02:36:23.720
but I'm still choosing it in my own free will. And here we go.

2068
02:36:24.240 --> 02:36:27.080
And then over the next several months, it morphed into this,

2069
02:36:27.080 --> 02:36:31.800
but I have gone through so much questions and what on

2070
02:36:31.800 --> 02:36:36.760
earth is my doing and what's going on and am I doing it right?

2071
02:36:37.040 --> 02:36:41.720
And not everything that I chose was right.

2072
02:36:42.320 --> 02:36:45.760
And there, there were, I made, um, I made some unwise decisions,

2073
02:36:45.760 --> 02:36:48.440
but I didn't know that they were unwise until I made them.

2074
02:36:48.680 --> 02:36:51.640
And then God showed me after the fact, yeah, actually, you know,

2075
02:36:51.640 --> 02:36:55.360
next time don't do that because I'm like, oh, okay.

2076
02:36:55.800 --> 02:37:00.120
But no shame and no condemnation. So I'm like, okay. So now I learn, you know,

2077
02:37:00.120 --> 02:37:02.600
something more about my father. That's the whole point.

2078
02:37:02.920 --> 02:37:05.080
We're not learning how to be, how to be good.

2079
02:37:05.600 --> 02:37:08.000
We're learning more about our father and how to look like him.

2080
02:37:08.640 --> 02:37:12.320
So there's no good and bad anymore. It's just strictly, okay, well,

2081
02:37:12.560 --> 02:37:16.040
not to do that again. So God wasn't condemning me and saying you were bad.

2082
02:37:16.360 --> 02:37:19.240
It's just like, no, no, actually that's not what I look like.

2083
02:37:19.640 --> 02:37:24.360
So this other is how I look like, like, okay, well, I want to look like you.

2084
02:37:24.360 --> 02:37:28.920
So let's do that. I'm seeking for where he is and what he looks like.

2085
02:37:29.440 --> 02:37:30.680
And he's with me on the journey.

2086
02:37:30.680 --> 02:37:34.440
I'm not abandoned and alone to have to figure it out. You know, he's showing me.

2087
02:37:34.680 --> 02:37:38.640
So, um, that's how I got to where, to where I am. Um,

2088
02:37:38.680 --> 02:37:43.280
I know that you're seeing me in this place, but you know, I didn't,

2089
02:37:43.680 --> 02:37:46.920
I'm the only reason that the way that I,

2090
02:37:47.000 --> 02:37:50.720
that I'm here is because I've made all of those choices.

2091
02:37:51.160 --> 02:37:55.240
And I made those choices when I did not know this is where I was ending up.

2092
02:37:55.480 --> 02:37:57.320
And I continually make choices,

2093
02:37:57.320 --> 02:38:01.520
giving up things where I don't know where I'm going to go.

2094
02:38:02.240 --> 02:38:05.520
I don't know what's going to happen. Um,

2095
02:38:05.520 --> 02:38:10.040
but I have to choose him and I truly have to give up my life to give up what I

2096
02:38:10.040 --> 02:38:13.520
just, I wanted. And the fact that I wanted everything that you talk about,

2097
02:38:13.520 --> 02:38:17.680
Ilana, I, you talk about, oh, I went this and I went this and I wanted to let go

2098
02:38:17.680 --> 02:38:20.400
of them. I don't want to teach anymore.

2099
02:38:20.720 --> 02:38:23.720
And I want to be able to do this full time. And so I'm going to give, um,

2100
02:38:23.800 --> 02:38:27.960
I'm going to give a, um, I'm going to require that I have 10 clients.

2101
02:38:27.960 --> 02:38:30.480
And if I get 10 clients, we'll need to do that. I did all of that.

2102
02:38:32.640 --> 02:38:37.120
Only mine wasn't teaching. It was business consulting and, um,

2103
02:38:37.160 --> 02:38:41.560
it was all kinds of things, you know? And so the, um, uh, I,

2104
02:38:41.680 --> 02:38:43.880
I, I do know, and I made,

2105
02:38:44.240 --> 02:38:48.280
I gave it all up and I chose. So in a way,

2106
02:38:48.280 --> 02:38:53.160
it's like I chose that it wouldn't happen that. So if you, if you,

2107
02:38:53.800 --> 02:38:58.200
if that helps kind of grab a hold of the idea of

2108
02:38:59.000 --> 02:39:04.080
what it means to, to, um, give up ownership. I,

2109
02:39:05.240 --> 02:39:08.160
in a way you're, I'm letting go of it,

2110
02:39:08.160 --> 02:39:13.040
but even happening, not letting go of the fact that, okay, well,

2111
02:39:13.040 --> 02:39:16.720
God, it may not happen when kids technically that's what you're doing.

2112
02:39:16.720 --> 02:39:19.560
You're letting go of the fact that it may not happen because you don't know

2113
02:39:19.560 --> 02:39:23.480
what God's going to do. But when you let it go,

2114
02:39:24.440 --> 02:39:27.280
we have a tendency to still hang on by a thread.

2115
02:39:27.480 --> 02:39:30.760
If we have an idea in our mind, you have it. God might still give it to me.

2116
02:39:31.000 --> 02:39:35.320
So I have to give it up and say, okay, God, I give up even doing it.

2117
02:39:36.320 --> 02:39:37.200
Yeah. Well, and that,

2118
02:39:37.200 --> 02:39:41.360
that's powerful because I was thinking that with my friend and her daughter,

2119
02:39:41.360 --> 02:39:45.800
even like she has to let go of the fact that her daughter is going to come back.

2120
02:39:46.520 --> 02:39:48.520
Um, I,

2121
02:39:48.800 --> 02:39:53.160
if I'm not fully letting go and letting this just be buried in the ground,

2122
02:39:53.160 --> 02:39:56.960
like a little seed, that's going to grow into what God wants it to grow into.

2123
02:39:57.800 --> 02:39:59.960
I will continue to try to make.

2124
02:40:00.000 --> 02:40:02.840
work out. I'll like help God. I'll be like, God, this is

2125
02:40:02.840 --> 02:40:05.680
great. I think I know your plan. I'm just going to help it along

2126
02:40:05.680 --> 02:40:08.560
a little bit, make sure that it all works out the way you want,

2127
02:40:08.560 --> 02:40:15.000
because I think you need my help somehow. And so I will, like

2128
02:40:15.000 --> 02:40:18.160
that 10 people thing, if I say, Okay, you know what, it's not

2129
02:40:18.160 --> 02:40:21.040
going to happen. And I'm still going to do what I'm doing. Even

2130
02:40:21.040 --> 02:40:25.440
if nobody wants to work with me, I'm still gonna spend the money

2131
02:40:25.440 --> 02:40:29.480
on the advertising and bringing people in and blessing them with

2132
02:40:29.480 --> 02:40:32.720
this work, blessing them with the tools and how they can grow

2133
02:40:32.720 --> 02:40:38.200
closer to God and experience his love and all this stuff. And

2134
02:40:38.240 --> 02:40:42.080
nobody is going to sign up with me, nobody's going to be my

2135
02:40:42.080 --> 02:40:46.960
client. Um, then I'm free, right? It's like death of a

2136
02:40:46.960 --> 02:40:50.040
vision. I was just teaching on this yesterday, like, death of a

2137
02:40:50.040 --> 02:40:54.400
vision is really just letting it go. It's almost like I was

2138
02:40:54.400 --> 02:40:57.840
thinking about Abraham and Sarah, and their, you know,

2139
02:40:57.840 --> 02:41:01.200
promise of having a baby and him being the father of the

2140
02:41:01.200 --> 02:41:06.520
nations. And then it was 25 years until it came about,

2141
02:41:06.520 --> 02:41:11.600
right. And so I'm like, they, they really just had no idea.

2142
02:41:11.600 --> 02:41:13.920
Now, what they did is they took matters into their own hands.

2143
02:41:13.920 --> 02:41:16.960
And look how that turned out. There's still a war today,

2144
02:41:17.360 --> 02:41:24.720
between, right. So I'm like, okay, how do I believe God and

2145
02:41:24.720 --> 02:41:28.280
not take it into my own hands? As soon as I take it into my

2146
02:41:28.280 --> 02:41:36.680
own hands, I'm gonna end up trying to mold it into what I

2147
02:41:36.680 --> 02:41:41.360
want. And God's like, just leave it and let me do what I'm going

2148
02:41:41.360 --> 02:41:44.080
to do with it. But I'm still going to try to mold it. I'm

2149
02:41:44.080 --> 02:41:47.880
still going to be in this space of if I get 10 people, I get to

2150
02:41:47.880 --> 02:41:50.640
take the year off. I mean, I could take the year off. I don't

2151
02:41:50.640 --> 02:41:52.960
need to get 10 people to take the year off. I don't even know

2152
02:41:52.960 --> 02:41:55.720
why I created that. It was just some number that came up. And

2153
02:41:55.720 --> 02:41:59.720
I'm like, that'll give me God will give me a sign. If this

2154
02:41:59.720 --> 02:42:02.560
happens, it'll be a sign. Well, he's given me signs before that

2155
02:42:02.560 --> 02:42:06.280
I took a signs and they weren't really signs. I just made made

2156
02:42:06.280 --> 02:42:10.560
them into signs. So that's what I wanted. But it's not really a

2157
02:42:10.560 --> 02:42:15.440
sign. Like if, if I'm really gonna trust him, I might just

2158
02:42:15.440 --> 02:42:18.560
get to take the year off teaching and be like, okay,

2159
02:42:18.680 --> 02:42:21.120
let's just see what happens, right? I'm not bringing in that

2160
02:42:21.120 --> 02:42:28.480
income. But I know that if I continue to just like, hold on

2161
02:42:28.480 --> 02:42:33.600
to it happening, then I'm never gonna let it go fully. I'm never

2162
02:42:33.600 --> 02:42:38.240
going to be in a space of still doing what I'm doing, because I

2163
02:42:38.240 --> 02:42:43.120
love it. Not because I want to go surprise my husband and say,

2164
02:42:43.120 --> 02:42:46.400
guess what, honey, I got this many new clients because I don't

2165
02:42:46.400 --> 02:42:48.280
want to disappoint him. Now. I don't think he'll be

2166
02:42:48.280 --> 02:42:51.880
disappointed. He gets it. But I don't want to have to go to him

2167
02:42:51.880 --> 02:42:55.200
and say it didn't work. I don't want to have to go to anyone and

2168
02:42:55.200 --> 02:42:59.320
say I tried so hard and it failed. Right? God didn't bless

2169
02:42:59.320 --> 02:43:03.400
it. I was wrong. I don't want that. So I'm trying to be right.

2170
02:43:03.400 --> 02:43:08.240
I'm trying to make it work. And then I'm stressed and tired. And

2171
02:43:08.240 --> 02:43:12.560
it's like, I want to get out of this. But I'm so scared of

2172
02:43:12.560 --> 02:43:16.320
giving up this purpose, giving up what I want, giving up what I

2173
02:43:16.320 --> 02:43:19.040
love. I don't want to give it up. It's like, it's like

2174
02:43:19.040 --> 02:43:23.040
sacrificing your child, right? Abraham and Isaac, again, the

2175
02:43:23.040 --> 02:43:26.920
Abraham story is coming up a lot. It's like, he had to go up

2176
02:43:26.920 --> 02:43:29.120
there. And when he was willing to do that, which I don't know

2177
02:43:29.120 --> 02:43:32.280
how you did that. Like if it was my daughter, oh my gosh, like no

2178
02:43:32.280 --> 02:43:36.520
way. It's almost like that. It's like sacrificing. That's probably

2179
02:43:36.520 --> 02:43:38.720
why my friend's daughter comes to mind a lot. Because it really

2180
02:43:38.720 --> 02:43:43.560
is like sacrificing that and knowing that you might not get

2181
02:43:43.560 --> 02:43:49.320
that person back, right? And, and it's hard and it's scary.

2182
02:43:49.320 --> 02:43:55.560
And it's, it's an awful feeling to bring your child up on there

2183
02:43:55.560 --> 02:43:59.320
and like sacrifice them. Right? That's what it feels like for

2184
02:43:59.320 --> 02:44:02.760
me. It feels like it feels like someone's asking me to take her

2185
02:44:02.760 --> 02:44:04.720
up on a mountain and sacrifice her.

2186
02:44:04.880 --> 02:44:12.920
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Because it's so deep within you. It's

2187
02:44:12.920 --> 02:44:16.960
not the business, this question, and what you're

2188
02:44:16.960 --> 02:44:20.840
struggling with is not the business. It's not the fact that

2189
02:44:20.840 --> 02:44:23.920
this business is so important to you and all that. It's much,

2190
02:44:23.960 --> 02:44:29.040
much deeper. It's the fact of what this business will mean for

2191
02:44:29.040 --> 02:44:34.120
you, what it will, what circumstance it will trigger, or

2192
02:44:34.160 --> 02:44:38.800
security, it will trigger or whatever that you can then have

2193
02:44:39.040 --> 02:44:43.000
that can make you feel comforted, you know, purposeful,

2194
02:44:43.080 --> 02:44:48.800
protected, valuable, significant, worth, you know,

2195
02:44:48.880 --> 02:44:51.120
being here on the earth, I don't know, you know, just whatever,

2196
02:44:51.640 --> 02:44:57.080
and whatever we might attach to it. It's much, it's much deeper

2197
02:44:57.080 --> 02:45:00.080
than all of that. It's just the business that

2198
02:45:00.000 --> 02:45:05.000
is being used as it is the way that you have visualized

2199
02:45:05.400 --> 02:45:06.740
this deep need.

2200
02:45:07.760 --> 02:45:09.600
And so it's like, oh my goodness,

2201
02:45:09.600 --> 02:45:12.280
the business, even to you, that's not the point.

2202
02:45:12.280 --> 02:45:15.520
The point is what you think the business can give you.

2203
02:45:15.520 --> 02:45:19.240
And that's the need that we have

2204
02:45:19.240 --> 02:45:23.680
and that is what we have to give up.

2205
02:45:23.680 --> 02:45:25.160
Now, yes, the business, whatever.

2206
02:45:25.160 --> 02:45:27.500
So when you're talking about the fact that,

2207
02:45:27.500 --> 02:45:28.520
well, a couple of things.

2208
02:45:28.520 --> 02:45:33.520
One, when God gives us a vision or a dream or whatever,

2209
02:45:36.400 --> 02:45:41.200
then it's like him giving us a seed,

2210
02:45:41.200 --> 02:45:45.680
but we have to let him, he's like, oh, here's the seed.

2211
02:45:45.680 --> 02:45:48.200
Well, we have, he's like, this is gonna bring

2212
02:45:48.200 --> 02:45:49.280
something very special.

2213
02:45:49.280 --> 02:45:52.720
It's going to reap amazing results,

2214
02:45:52.720 --> 02:45:54.280
but it has to go into the ground.

2215
02:45:54.280 --> 02:45:56.240
You can't have it yet.

2216
02:45:56.240 --> 02:45:59.880
So we have to give it back to him.

2217
02:45:59.880 --> 02:46:01.160
We can't own it.

2218
02:46:01.160 --> 02:46:04.780
Remember, in order to have it, we can't own it.

2219
02:46:05.760 --> 02:46:07.880
We have to always keep our hands open

2220
02:46:07.880 --> 02:46:09.840
in that river of the spirit, open.

2221
02:46:09.840 --> 02:46:12.060
They can't be, they can't ever close.

2222
02:46:12.060 --> 02:46:13.600
They have to stay open all the time

2223
02:46:13.600 --> 02:46:15.080
in order for us to experience the river.

2224
02:46:15.080 --> 02:46:17.160
As soon as we try to close it,

2225
02:46:17.160 --> 02:46:19.600
you can't grab a hold of water.

2226
02:46:19.600 --> 02:46:21.080
And so there's nothing left.

2227
02:46:21.080 --> 02:46:24.440
So in other words, when we do this, it's death.

2228
02:46:24.720 --> 02:46:27.440
Because that's, you try, we're stifling,

2229
02:46:27.440 --> 02:46:30.320
we're strangleholding, we're stopping.

2230
02:46:30.320 --> 02:46:33.300
Spirit in life is movement.

2231
02:46:33.300 --> 02:46:38.300
Death is rigidity and lack of movement.

2232
02:46:41.960 --> 02:46:46.960
So anyway, we have to let the Lord plant the seed.

2233
02:46:48.440 --> 02:46:50.800
So he gives us the seed and shows it to us.

2234
02:46:50.800 --> 02:46:52.520
This is what is coming.

2235
02:46:52.520 --> 02:46:53.840
But you don't know what it's gonna look like

2236
02:46:54.240 --> 02:46:55.720
because seriously, does the seed look like

2237
02:46:55.720 --> 02:46:57.600
anything like the later result?

2238
02:46:57.600 --> 02:46:59.760
No, not even close.

2239
02:46:59.760 --> 02:47:02.920
So we can't think, oh, okay, well then,

2240
02:47:02.920 --> 02:47:04.480
you know, God, why can't I have it yet?

2241
02:47:04.480 --> 02:47:06.000
Why can't I have it yet?

2242
02:47:06.000 --> 02:47:08.600
That's like, this isn't it, just a second.

2243
02:47:08.600 --> 02:47:11.540
You know, and then it's gonna go down into the ground

2244
02:47:11.540 --> 02:47:12.520
and it has to die.

2245
02:47:14.320 --> 02:47:17.960
God says that a seed, when planted into the ground,

2246
02:47:17.960 --> 02:47:21.160
has to die first.

2247
02:47:21.200 --> 02:47:26.200
Not be hidden, not be quiet, not be quietly growing.

2248
02:47:26.200 --> 02:47:28.440
It has to die first.

2249
02:47:28.440 --> 02:47:29.960
In other words, zero life.

2250
02:47:31.120 --> 02:47:33.680
Where, remember Jesus, he died on the cross.

2251
02:47:33.680 --> 02:47:36.440
It didn't look like he was coming back.

2252
02:47:37.320 --> 02:47:39.920
I mean, like if the man who has been raising people

2253
02:47:39.920 --> 02:47:41.120
from the dead, if he dies,

2254
02:47:41.120 --> 02:47:43.160
now who's gonna raise him from the dead?

2255
02:47:43.160 --> 02:47:46.880
I mean, seriously, you know, if the miracle worker dies,

2256
02:47:46.880 --> 02:47:50.040
who's gonna perform his miracle, you know?

2257
02:47:50.040 --> 02:47:55.040
So anyway, the seed really actually has to die.

2258
02:47:57.520 --> 02:48:00.520
Not be quiet and wait patiently for it, you know,

2259
02:48:00.520 --> 02:48:04.400
but it's still there, no, gone.

2260
02:48:04.400 --> 02:48:06.800
Where death, remember that it doesn't look like

2261
02:48:06.800 --> 02:48:08.080
there's any hope after death.

2262
02:48:08.080 --> 02:48:10.500
And the only thing that we can hope for after death

2263
02:48:10.500 --> 02:48:14.000
is the fact that, I mean, hope for now,

2264
02:48:14.000 --> 02:48:16.080
even though we had death,

2265
02:48:17.080 --> 02:48:20.560
huh, sorry, it's creaking because of the wind outside.

2266
02:48:20.560 --> 02:48:23.440
Even though it had death, the way that,

2267
02:48:23.440 --> 02:48:26.680
what gives us hope that there is something after death

2268
02:48:26.680 --> 02:48:29.360
is what is the fact that Christ died

2269
02:48:30.200 --> 02:48:33.360
and he removed the sting of death.

2270
02:48:33.360 --> 02:48:36.500
The sting of death was lack on the other side of death.

2271
02:48:36.500 --> 02:48:38.580
But now that he removed the sting of death,

2272
02:48:38.580 --> 02:48:42.720
after death, there's always life, always life.

2273
02:48:43.720 --> 02:48:48.720
There's no more death with lack on the other side.

2274
02:48:48.720 --> 02:48:52.320
Now, death, so to speak, is not a state.

2275
02:48:52.320 --> 02:48:54.960
We just die, but there's no death.

2276
02:48:54.960 --> 02:48:56.120
There's no state of death.

2277
02:48:56.120 --> 02:48:58.760
There's just, there's just dying,

2278
02:48:58.760 --> 02:49:00.520
which is just like this passing.

2279
02:49:00.520 --> 02:49:03.880
Excuse me, this passing.

2280
02:49:03.880 --> 02:49:07.520
Think of like a waterline, like between air and ocean.

2281
02:49:08.400 --> 02:49:12.120
Well, the waterline you can think of as kind of like dying.

2282
02:49:13.120 --> 02:49:17.480
It's just simply moving from water to air,

2283
02:49:17.480 --> 02:49:20.960
but it's not a separate state that's not water

2284
02:49:20.960 --> 02:49:22.840
and it's not air, it's like this other thing.

2285
02:49:22.840 --> 02:49:26.080
No, it's just, you're in water and then you're in air.

2286
02:49:27.080 --> 02:49:29.040
But when you pass from the water into the air,

2287
02:49:29.040 --> 02:49:32.240
the boundary where the water and the air meet,

2288
02:49:32.240 --> 02:49:34.880
that's dying, that's death, but it's not a state,

2289
02:49:34.880 --> 02:49:39.880
it's not a place, it's the term of a transition.

2290
02:49:40.200 --> 02:49:41.360
And that's what releasing is.

2291
02:49:41.360 --> 02:49:43.440
When we're letting go, we're dying.

2292
02:49:43.440 --> 02:49:46.880
Anyway, so it's required to die,

2293
02:49:46.880 --> 02:49:49.120
but there's always life on the other side of the thing,

2294
02:49:49.120 --> 02:49:52.640
but it has to look dead first.

2295
02:49:52.640 --> 02:49:55.800
And we're so used to associating bad things with death.

2296
02:49:55.800 --> 02:49:58.040
We're so used to associating,

2297
02:49:58.040 --> 02:50:00.600
there's no life on the other side and it's all gone.

2298
02:50:00.000 --> 02:50:05.600
and we're never going to get it again. So it has to look like that first. Then after a while,

2299
02:50:05.600 --> 02:50:12.160
you know, the Lord can give it back to the Lord after it dies. Then it starts growing

2300
02:50:12.160 --> 02:50:19.120
after a while. It starts growing, but it's hidden for a while still, even its growth underneath the

2301
02:50:19.120 --> 02:50:23.760
soil. And finally it starts popping up and oh my goodness, we get excited. We can't do anything

2302
02:50:23.840 --> 02:50:30.880
with it yet, but we get excited. And then he'll let us start partnering with it,

2303
02:50:30.880 --> 02:50:38.240
watering it, fertilizing it, and whatever. We can't do anything with it yet, but we can't like

2304
02:50:38.240 --> 02:50:43.600
reap any harvest from it yet. But now we get to participate in it. Now we get to participate in

2305
02:50:44.320 --> 02:50:54.320
its germination and in its growth. And anyway, so that's that. The other thing that I was going to

2306
02:50:54.320 --> 02:51:01.840
say was, okay, so you know how you were talking about, I'm trying to figure out how to word this

2307
02:51:01.840 --> 02:51:09.760
to you and so that you know what I mean. So that you don't hear what I'm not saying.

2308
02:51:10.720 --> 02:51:16.320
And you know, you're talking about, okay, so I need to die to the results

2309
02:51:17.120 --> 02:51:22.080
of the business of what comes out. You know, oh, am I going to get a client? I'm not going

2310
02:51:22.080 --> 02:51:25.040
to get a client. You know, I'm just going to keep doing it. I'm going to keep pouring money

2311
02:51:25.040 --> 02:51:31.840
into advertising. When you go to this, when you go through this process of choosing,

2312
02:51:32.800 --> 02:51:37.600
when I'm talking about what you need to choose,

2313
02:51:40.800 --> 02:51:46.160
okay, you can do it. How would I word that?

2314
02:51:47.680 --> 02:51:52.960
Well, no, no. What it is that you're actually choosing is you're choosing it.

2315
02:51:53.840 --> 02:51:59.040
You're not giving up the results. You're giving up your business.

2316
02:51:59.920 --> 02:52:08.400
You're giving up your business. You're giving up your leading teaching. You're giving up your,

2317
02:52:09.920 --> 02:52:13.680
the relationship you want to have with your husband. You're giving up

2318
02:52:15.920 --> 02:52:23.040
Avea's growing up and developing and becoming whatever it is that you know,

2319
02:52:23.040 --> 02:52:27.600
you have in your mind and your spirit that she's to become and how you want to be part of that.

2320
02:52:27.680 --> 02:52:31.600
And what you want that to look like and the type of environment that you and your husband

2321
02:52:31.600 --> 02:52:38.000
are seeking to provide when you're making this choice, you're, you're, you're giving up your,

2322
02:52:38.000 --> 02:52:42.640
um, uh, your relationship with your parents. You're giving up your relationship with your

2323
02:52:42.640 --> 02:52:46.400
husband. You're giving up your relationship with child. You are giving up everything.

2324
02:52:47.840 --> 02:52:53.520
Now it doesn't mean you're going to run away. I'm not talking about that, but I'm saying in the soul

2325
02:52:53.840 --> 02:52:59.520
you were giving all of it up so that whatever God tells you, it needs to now look like,

2326
02:52:59.520 --> 02:53:06.160
and what you now need to do. You're, you're saying you'll do it. If he tells you to,

2327
02:53:07.760 --> 02:53:13.520
to literally pack your bag and walk out the house, then you'll do it. He's not going to tell

2328
02:53:13.520 --> 02:53:21.040
you to do it. I'm saying internally that trigger of panic and desperation and no, surely God, that,

2329
02:53:21.120 --> 02:53:26.800
it's to that level. It's very extreme. So when I talk about, you know, the fact that you give up

2330
02:53:26.800 --> 02:53:33.280
the lifestyle and idea it's in every area, it's in everything it's in what it is you want and who

2331
02:53:33.280 --> 02:53:40.480
it is you are. And all of the tendrils and all of the places that those tendrils have, have reached

2332
02:53:40.480 --> 02:53:44.560
and are sitting in and grabbing ahold of is giving up all of that and saying, God,

2333
02:53:44.560 --> 02:53:49.360
I have all of this idea in my life of what I want my life to look like in these various areas.

2334
02:53:50.240 --> 02:53:57.360
It's all gone. God, I, I, I die to it. I give it all up to you. Now you, I'm asking that you come

2335
02:53:57.360 --> 02:54:01.360
in. I'm choosing you instead. I'm choosing you instead of a life. I'm choosing you instead of

2336
02:54:01.360 --> 02:54:06.320
what my life looks like. I'm choosing you instead of where I want anything. I'm choosing you instead

2337
02:54:06.320 --> 02:54:12.640
of everything good that I think you need. I'm choosing you instead of what I want. I'm choosing

2338
02:54:12.720 --> 02:54:21.760
good that I think you, you want me to everything good that I think you want me to be and what

2339
02:54:21.760 --> 02:54:27.520
everything good that, and everything righteous that it should look like when I act, I'm giving

2340
02:54:27.520 --> 02:54:33.200
it all up Lord. And I'm asking that you, in other words, you're just saying, all you're saying is

2341
02:54:33.200 --> 02:54:38.160
I'm, I'm letting go of my ownership. You can do whatever you want, Lord. I'm letting go of your

2342
02:54:38.160 --> 02:54:43.920
ownership. Um, and remember without holding onto any hope that he's, that you're still going to

2343
02:54:43.920 --> 02:54:48.720
get to keep it because if you're still holding onto a hope that you're going to get to keep it,

2344
02:54:48.720 --> 02:54:53.920
it's not all chips then there's still this whole thing of like, Oh, well maybe, you know, and it's

2345
02:54:53.920 --> 02:54:59.440
that desperate because all you're doing, you're not just giving things up. What it is you're doing

2346
02:54:59.440 --> 02:54:59.840
is in.

2347
02:55:00.000 --> 02:55:02.480
Instead of choosing this, you're choosing this.

2348
02:55:02.480 --> 02:55:04.640
In choosing this, you're giving this up.

2349
02:55:04.640 --> 02:55:08.160
So it's not a, Lord, I'm giving this up.

2350
02:55:08.160 --> 02:55:10.480
No, no, no, you're saying, God, I'm choosing you,

2351
02:55:10.480 --> 02:55:13.200
that by default, that's giving up.

2352
02:55:13.200 --> 02:55:16.880
I'm just highlighting what it is you're doing over here

2353
02:55:16.880 --> 02:55:21.080
so that you know whether or not you've chosen God

2354
02:55:21.080 --> 02:55:22.680
to the fullest extent.

2355
02:55:22.680 --> 02:55:25.000
If you've chosen God to the fullest extent that,

2356
02:55:25.000 --> 02:55:27.560
hey, God, you can manifest who it is that you are

2357
02:55:27.600 --> 02:55:31.000
to the degree that you are that in every area of my life

2358
02:55:31.000 --> 02:55:32.680
and have that be made visible.

2359
02:55:36.160 --> 02:55:40.520
If you're choosing that to the greatest extent,

2360
02:55:42.320 --> 02:55:46.640
you are giving up on ever having,

2361
02:55:46.640 --> 02:55:51.520
on ever, not maybe, on ever having any of the things

2362
02:55:51.520 --> 02:55:54.920
that you've wanted and that you thought were important

2363
02:55:54.920 --> 02:55:57.240
and that you thought held body, soul,

2364
02:55:57.240 --> 02:56:00.480
and spirit together for yourself.

2365
02:56:00.480 --> 02:56:04.000
And it feels like dying because it is dying.

2366
02:56:04.000 --> 02:56:07.960
I went through this once when I was driving.

2367
02:56:07.960 --> 02:56:08.800
Did I tell you about that?

2368
02:56:08.800 --> 02:56:11.680
When I was driving one time and I let go

2369
02:56:11.680 --> 02:56:14.040
and I thought that I was gonna literally die.

2370
02:56:14.040 --> 02:56:15.240
I don't know, maybe.

2371
02:56:16.240 --> 02:56:18.920
That I was driving down the highway to work.

2372
02:56:18.920 --> 02:56:22.160
This was about, I think, 2013.

2373
02:56:22.160 --> 02:56:24.800
And it was like 6.30 in the morning.

2374
02:56:25.680 --> 02:56:26.520
And so it was dark.

2375
02:56:26.520 --> 02:56:28.560
And I was on a big three, four lane highway.

2376
02:56:28.560 --> 02:56:31.600
And God was, I was talking to God about,

2377
02:56:31.600 --> 02:56:33.880
I was in a very, very desperate place.

2378
02:56:33.880 --> 02:56:37.960
Just like God, I feel like I've sacrificed my life for you

2379
02:56:37.960 --> 02:56:40.320
and you're not giving me any gifts and dah, dah, dah.

2380
02:56:40.320 --> 02:56:41.720
And I'm just desperate.

2381
02:56:41.720 --> 02:56:42.560
I'm depressed.

2382
02:56:42.560 --> 02:56:44.440
I'm all of this stuff.

2383
02:56:44.440 --> 02:56:47.200
And he said, and he said, Ashley,

2384
02:56:47.200 --> 02:56:50.600
and I knew internally what he was wanting me to do.

2385
02:56:50.600 --> 02:56:52.320
He's like, he wants me to let it go.

2386
02:56:52.320 --> 02:56:53.960
He wants me to stop holding him accountable

2387
02:56:53.960 --> 02:56:55.800
for why he hasn't done it this far.

2388
02:56:55.800 --> 02:56:58.640
And will he ever do it?

2389
02:56:58.640 --> 02:57:00.520
God, I can give it up for now

2390
02:57:00.520 --> 02:57:03.160
as long as I know it'll come later.

2391
02:57:03.160 --> 02:57:04.320
Won't work.

2392
02:57:04.320 --> 02:57:06.040
It won't work.

2393
02:57:06.040 --> 02:57:08.840
That's why we keep giving it up

2394
02:57:08.840 --> 02:57:10.640
and we're still in the same place

2395
02:57:10.640 --> 02:57:12.680
because we still hold out hope.

2396
02:57:12.680 --> 02:57:14.480
In our giving it up, we still hold out hope

2397
02:57:14.480 --> 02:57:16.800
that maybe all we have to do is wait.

2398
02:57:16.800 --> 02:57:19.720
We have to give up the waiting too.

2399
02:57:19.720 --> 02:57:22.400
We have to give up the hope that it will ever happen.

2400
02:57:23.400 --> 02:57:25.560
And so anyway, so I was driving down the road

2401
02:57:25.560 --> 02:57:28.000
and I realized that that's what the Lord wanted me to do.

2402
02:57:28.000 --> 02:57:30.080
Well, my body started reacting

2403
02:57:30.080 --> 02:57:32.560
and it started panicking and it started suffocating.

2404
02:57:32.560 --> 02:57:36.480
I felt like I was strangling and that I couldn't breathe.

2405
02:57:36.480 --> 02:57:40.720
And I thought I was physically gonna die.

2406
02:57:40.720 --> 02:57:43.120
And so immediately I began to think, oh my word.

2407
02:57:43.120 --> 02:57:45.920
Okay, so if I make this choice

2408
02:57:45.920 --> 02:57:47.560
that I'm gonna give up all of this stuff

2409
02:57:47.560 --> 02:57:49.160
while I'm driving down the road,

2410
02:57:50.160 --> 02:57:53.000
I'll be dead at the wheel.

2411
02:57:53.000 --> 02:57:56.720
And then my car's gonna go careening

2412
02:57:56.720 --> 02:57:59.320
and all of these other people

2413
02:57:59.320 --> 02:58:01.600
that are coming down the highway,

2414
02:58:01.600 --> 02:58:03.480
they're gonna hit the car and then,

2415
02:58:03.480 --> 02:58:04.320
Lord, are they gonna die?

2416
02:58:04.320 --> 02:58:06.520
Am I gonna be responsible for all their deaths too?

2417
02:58:06.520 --> 02:58:09.560
I caught myself in the middle of thinking all of this.

2418
02:58:09.560 --> 02:58:11.200
I didn't think it on purpose.

2419
02:58:11.200 --> 02:58:15.400
My mind just started going because mind, body,

2420
02:58:15.400 --> 02:58:17.880
soul and body is so connected

2421
02:58:17.880 --> 02:58:19.920
that when my soul is going through turmoil

2422
02:58:19.920 --> 02:58:20.960
and it thinks it's gonna die,

2423
02:58:20.960 --> 02:58:24.120
my body starts manifesting the fact

2424
02:58:24.120 --> 02:58:26.520
that it thinks it's gonna die.

2425
02:58:26.520 --> 02:58:28.640
And my mind's brain starts going like that.

2426
02:58:28.640 --> 02:58:31.240
My eyes start suffocating.

2427
02:58:31.240 --> 02:58:34.840
Anyway, so I thought, well, the heck with it.

2428
02:58:34.840 --> 02:58:35.840
If I die, I die.

2429
02:58:35.840 --> 02:58:37.440
I have to make this choice.

2430
02:58:37.440 --> 02:58:39.640
So, and I'm making this very simple.

2431
02:58:39.640 --> 02:58:42.200
It was a lot worse than the way I'm describing it.

2432
02:58:42.200 --> 02:58:44.800
But I'm trying to cut the story short.

2433
02:58:44.800 --> 02:58:46.280
So I made the decision.

2434
02:58:46.320 --> 02:58:48.440
And as soon as I made the decision,

2435
02:58:49.760 --> 02:58:51.040
I shifted into rest.

2436
02:58:51.040 --> 02:58:52.320
And this was 2013.

2437
02:58:52.320 --> 02:58:54.640
I didn't know the word rest back then.

2438
02:58:54.640 --> 02:58:57.480
I didn't know what this place was.

2439
02:58:57.480 --> 02:59:01.280
I just, boom, everything's still and it was quiet.

2440
02:59:01.280 --> 02:59:03.200
It was like, they talk about

2441
02:59:03.200 --> 02:59:05.640
after you go through the sonic boom, how-

2442
02:59:05.640 --> 02:59:07.040
That's what I was thinking.

2443
02:59:07.040 --> 02:59:10.160
Yeah, there's just dead silence on the other side.

2444
02:59:10.160 --> 02:59:11.120
That's what it was like.

2445
02:59:11.120 --> 02:59:12.600
It was like this stillness within me.

2446
02:59:12.600 --> 02:59:14.440
I had all this noise, all this turmoil,

2447
02:59:14.440 --> 02:59:17.880
all this angst, anxiety, depression, stress for so long.

2448
02:59:17.880 --> 02:59:20.920
These accusations, these lies for so long.

2449
02:59:20.920 --> 02:59:24.840
It was total silence.

2450
02:59:24.840 --> 02:59:27.880
Not even the gentle running waters, nothing.

2451
02:59:28.880 --> 02:59:31.280
And it was wonderful.

2452
02:59:31.280 --> 02:59:36.280
It was so, after so much turmoil and angst,

2453
02:59:37.640 --> 02:59:41.000
it was beautiful and wonderful.

2454
02:59:41.040 --> 02:59:44.640
And I thought, oh my word, that was it.

2455
02:59:44.640 --> 02:59:47.240
All of these years that I've been holding onto

2456
02:59:47.240 --> 02:59:50.040
and holding God accountable for stuff,

2457
02:59:50.040 --> 02:59:52.120
this is all I had to do?

2458
02:59:52.120 --> 02:59:53.320
It was amazing.

2459
02:59:54.880 --> 02:59:55.920
And, oh, you know what?

2460
02:59:55.920 --> 02:59:57.080
It wasn't 2013.

2461
02:59:57.080 --> 02:59:58.320
I think it was 2015.

2462
02:59:58.320 --> 02:59:59.160
Anyway.

2463
03:00:00.000 --> 03:00:05.000
And then I then realized as soon as I,

2464
03:00:05.520 --> 03:00:07.240
as soon as everything within me stilled,

2465
03:00:07.240 --> 03:00:10.060
I thought I'm still alive.

2466
03:00:11.200 --> 03:00:12.840
See, I wasn't expecting it.

2467
03:00:12.840 --> 03:00:14.640
I know that that sounds really weird,

2468
03:00:14.640 --> 03:00:19.640
but when I was in it, I thought it was all real

2469
03:00:19.840 --> 03:00:21.720
and I'm not prone to drama.

2470
03:00:21.720 --> 03:00:25.640
I thought because the body manifests that whatever

2471
03:00:25.640 --> 03:00:28.800
in chosen invisibly, whatever the soul is going through

2472
03:00:28.800 --> 03:00:29.800
or whatever the soul believes,

2473
03:00:29.800 --> 03:00:30.840
the soul thought it was gonna die.

2474
03:00:30.840 --> 03:00:33.080
So the body thought it was gonna die.

2475
03:00:33.080 --> 03:00:34.600
It was very interesting.

2476
03:00:34.600 --> 03:00:37.520
Anyway, when I say that story,

2477
03:00:37.520 --> 03:00:40.100
sometimes you do feel like you're gonna die.

2478
03:00:40.100 --> 03:00:42.720
You really, really do on multiple levels.

2479
03:00:42.720 --> 03:00:44.760
And sometimes your body will react.

2480
03:00:44.760 --> 03:00:47.020
If you push through it, it's like the sonic boom.

2481
03:00:47.020 --> 03:00:52.020
Everything's loud and crazy until you pass,

2482
03:00:52.560 --> 03:00:54.320
until you pass that point.

2483
03:00:54.320 --> 03:00:57.460
And then everything's still because there's life,

2484
03:00:57.460 --> 03:01:00.060
there's life on the other side of it.

2485
03:01:00.060 --> 03:01:01.840
It doesn't lead to death.

2486
03:01:01.840 --> 03:01:03.420
It always leads to life.

2487
03:01:05.140 --> 03:01:08.340
Another thing, if you get any encouragement from this,

2488
03:01:11.660 --> 03:01:16.660
is that, you know, that there's an aspect of what it is

2489
03:01:17.780 --> 03:01:20.220
that I've walked out with the word

2490
03:01:20.220 --> 03:01:25.220
that is imparted to people if they choose to receive it,

2491
03:01:26.060 --> 03:01:28.040
because I've gone through it and I've walked through it.

2492
03:01:28.040 --> 03:01:31.300
And so it makes, they still have to walk the path,

2493
03:01:31.300 --> 03:01:35.820
but there are chains that what I've walked through

2494
03:01:35.820 --> 03:01:39.140
and overcame for the body of Christ,

2495
03:01:39.140 --> 03:01:41.860
that they don't have to break off now.

2496
03:01:41.860 --> 03:01:43.540
So it's easier for them to walk the path.

2497
03:01:43.540 --> 03:01:44.380
They still have to walk it,

2498
03:01:44.380 --> 03:01:46.180
but it's easier for them to walk the path.

2499
03:01:46.180 --> 03:01:48.020
Well, included in that,

2500
03:01:48.020 --> 03:01:51.340
I was sharing with everybody during the conference,

2501
03:01:51.340 --> 03:01:52.180
my name.

2502
03:01:53.260 --> 03:01:56.020
My name is Ashley Nicole,

2503
03:01:56.020 --> 03:02:00.140
and Ashley means to rise from the ashes continually,

2504
03:02:00.140 --> 03:02:04.540
like a Phoenix, constantly, life after death,

2505
03:02:04.540 --> 03:02:05.540
never ever dying.

2506
03:02:05.540 --> 03:02:07.140
There's always life after death.

2507
03:02:07.140 --> 03:02:10.220
Then Nicole means victory for the people,

2508
03:02:11.060 --> 03:02:12.220
victory of the people.

2509
03:02:12.220 --> 03:02:13.700
So together, Ashley Nicole,

2510
03:02:13.700 --> 03:02:15.420
which is one of the reasons why I use it

2511
03:02:15.420 --> 03:02:17.100
as my business name,

2512
03:02:17.100 --> 03:02:19.900
instead of Ashley Wheeler using my last name,

2513
03:02:19.900 --> 03:02:21.180
is because of what it means.

2514
03:02:22.020 --> 03:02:24.780
It's continually declaring this thing over,

2515
03:02:24.780 --> 03:02:28.820
over within the message of rest

2516
03:02:28.820 --> 03:02:32.860
and within when I'm speaking it and within the ministry.

2517
03:02:32.860 --> 03:02:35.180
And when I talk to people and whatever,

2518
03:02:35.180 --> 03:02:38.460
and people that choose to receive this message,

2519
03:02:38.460 --> 03:02:40.260
when they allow,

2520
03:02:40.260 --> 03:02:42.380
they choose that between them and the Lord,

2521
03:02:42.380 --> 03:02:45.620
that they want me to get to be part of their journey.

2522
03:02:45.620 --> 03:02:50.620
There's an aspect of impartation of what my name carries

2523
03:02:51.740 --> 03:02:56.740
of Ashley Nicole being the people rise together

2524
03:02:56.740 --> 03:02:59.340
in victory from the ashes continually.

2525
03:03:00.820 --> 03:03:02.180
Wow, that's cool.

2526
03:03:02.180 --> 03:03:03.020
Yes.

2527
03:03:03.020 --> 03:03:05.820
So my point is,

2528
03:03:05.820 --> 03:03:08.260
you can choose to receive that.

2529
03:03:08.260 --> 03:03:10.340
You can tell the Lord you choose to receive that.

2530
03:03:10.340 --> 03:03:13.100
I believe that's why he gave me that name

2531
03:03:13.100 --> 03:03:17.540
and why one of the reasons why he doesn't want me to,

2532
03:03:18.380 --> 03:03:23.140
why he has not had me go around just teaching this,

2533
03:03:23.140 --> 03:03:25.660
but actually mentoring people in this

2534
03:03:25.660 --> 03:03:27.060
because I'm investing in them.

2535
03:03:27.060 --> 03:03:31.060
So when I'm investing them in my name is helping to carry,

2536
03:03:31.060 --> 03:03:35.020
is being carried in this ministry,

2537
03:03:35.020 --> 03:03:40.020
within that name, God spoke that declaration,

2538
03:03:42.940 --> 03:03:45.500
that promise and that victory.

2539
03:03:45.500 --> 03:03:47.180
And people can choose to claim that.

2540
03:03:47.860 --> 03:03:50.340
People can choose to claim that is true of me.

2541
03:03:50.340 --> 03:03:52.940
That will be true of me, I choose to receive it.

2542
03:03:52.940 --> 03:03:57.940
That I will rise from the ashes in victory, like a Phoenix.

2543
03:03:59.940 --> 03:04:04.420
I will always resurrect in life after death, always.

2544
03:04:04.420 --> 03:04:06.660
But you come to death first,

2545
03:04:06.660 --> 03:04:08.980
but there's always life on the other side, always.

2546
03:04:08.980 --> 03:04:10.700
No matter how many deaths,

2547
03:04:10.700 --> 03:04:11.980
because there's going to be different ones.

2548
03:04:11.980 --> 03:04:14.900
It's not the same one, you know, different ones.

2549
03:04:14.900 --> 03:04:17.740
Every single time, every single time, always life,

2550
03:04:17.740 --> 03:04:19.060
always, always, always life.

2551
03:04:19.060 --> 03:04:20.820
And so you can choose to receive that.

2552
03:04:20.820 --> 03:04:22.500
And I believe that that is something

2553
03:04:22.500 --> 03:04:23.660
that the Lord gave to people

2554
03:04:23.660 --> 03:04:25.740
because it didn't say victory for me.

2555
03:04:25.740 --> 03:04:29.340
You know, that like Nicole doesn't mean one's own victory

2556
03:04:29.340 --> 03:04:31.420
and it doesn't just mean victory.

2557
03:04:31.420 --> 03:04:33.940
It means victory of the people.

2558
03:04:33.940 --> 03:04:36.500
So it's not for me to own.

2559
03:04:36.500 --> 03:04:39.780
There's something in that name from God

2560
03:04:39.780 --> 03:04:42.740
that he wanted to put out into creation

2561
03:04:42.740 --> 03:04:45.020
and people who chose to resonate

2562
03:04:48.660 --> 03:04:51.340
with his promise to his children.

2563
03:04:52.260 --> 03:04:57.260
And God said that between the two of them,

2564
03:04:58.260 --> 03:04:59.460
you know, him and them,

2565
03:04:59.460 --> 03:05:01.660
that they wanted me to choose to receive it.

2566
03:05:00.000 --> 03:05:08.480
be part of their journey. It meant that they got to inherit what my name, what God put into my name

2567
03:05:08.480 --> 03:05:16.160
and what it carries. I don't own it. I'm just carrying an aspect of God's spirit here on the

2568
03:05:16.160 --> 03:05:25.120
earth and everyone can access it. It's not mine. You know, does that make sense? And it's very

2569
03:05:25.120 --> 03:05:30.880
important. So you can choose to receive that. And I have to choose to receive it just because I have

2570
03:05:30.880 --> 03:05:35.440
the name. I have to choose to receive my name. I have to choose to receive what God put into

2571
03:05:35.440 --> 03:05:39.920
that name. And I also believe that other people have the opportunity to choose that promise

2572
03:05:39.920 --> 03:05:47.600
because remember he who honors a prophet receives a prophet's reward. You can receive, even though

2573
03:05:47.600 --> 03:05:56.400
it's my name, the prophet's reward comes from his father. It's a gift from his father.

2574
03:05:56.400 --> 03:06:02.800
And so he who honors a prophet gets a prophet's reward. He who honors a prophet gets to also

2575
03:06:02.800 --> 03:06:08.160
receive the same gift from their father that the prophet received. They're not receiving something

2576
03:06:08.160 --> 03:06:13.680
of the prophet is that the prophet is extra special. It's more special than them. It's just

2577
03:06:13.680 --> 03:06:19.840
the way through which, you know, God's just using that prophet and then, and then having them speak

2578
03:06:19.840 --> 03:06:27.440
a sound into the earth. And if someone else chooses to honor that sound from of the spirit

2579
03:06:27.440 --> 03:06:33.600
from the father, then they remember because what they're honoring is they're honoring what's from

2580
03:06:33.600 --> 03:06:40.160
the father. Then they get to, they get to receive that same reward without having gone through what

2581
03:06:40.160 --> 03:06:47.680
the prophet did. They have to still choose it though. Us to receive it. Anyway, there you go.

2582
03:06:49.120 --> 03:06:52.160
You know, that's really interesting. I know you've said that before,

2583
03:06:52.160 --> 03:06:54.800
but I never wrote it down and I never really quite understood it.

2584
03:06:56.800 --> 03:07:04.320
And that's kind of like what I'm trying to do right now is help women find their identity and

2585
03:07:04.320 --> 03:07:09.200
worth in Christ so that they don't have to go through some of the things I had to go through

2586
03:07:09.200 --> 03:07:16.000
to get to where I am at the point where I'm, you know, now a lot more solid in my identity and

2587
03:07:16.000 --> 03:07:20.320
worth in Christ where I wasn't, I built it on sand that foundation. Now it's on rock.

2588
03:07:21.680 --> 03:07:28.960
I, I think that kind of goes, no, I'm not a prophet obviously, but I'm, so I don't know if

2589
03:07:28.960 --> 03:07:33.200
this totally relates to me, but this is just what came up when you were talking about it. Cause you

2590
03:07:34.320 --> 03:07:38.000
have gone through your experiences and you're able to impart these things on people.

2591
03:07:38.800 --> 03:07:45.120
So like, I don't have to go through the experiences that you did because I'm gleaning from you and I'm,

2592
03:07:45.120 --> 03:07:50.080
I'm learning and you know, I, but then the experiences that I went through, maybe other

2593
03:07:50.080 --> 03:07:54.880
women don't have to go through that because they hear certain things that maybe they can bypass

2594
03:07:54.880 --> 03:07:59.680
some of those real difficult things because they're finding their identity and worth in Christ

2595
03:08:00.400 --> 03:08:04.080
before those things are coming into the, does this make any sense? Am I on the right track?

2596
03:08:04.960 --> 03:08:14.080
So what I'm talking about, excuse me, imagine that I'm enslaved and you're enslaved.

2597
03:08:14.080 --> 03:08:20.400
And there's all these chains that both of us are enslaved by. If I can choose,

2598
03:08:22.640 --> 03:08:25.840
okay, no, no, no, let, let, let me do it. Let me talk about a different way. This is the

2599
03:08:25.840 --> 03:08:31.440
picture that I use. They present for people. And Matt, so I, I hacked me overcoming.

2600
03:08:33.200 --> 03:08:40.800
I hacked through the jungle with a butter knife. It was hard. It was arduous. It was awful. I was

2601
03:08:40.800 --> 03:08:47.920
the pioneer. So I did that in order. And then I walked from a to B. So I got from a to B,

2602
03:08:49.200 --> 03:08:55.200
but, and I hacked through the jungle of the butter knife. So I made a path, made sure I overcame.

2603
03:08:56.000 --> 03:09:04.000
Uh, spiritual creation, but so you can come along now and, and you don't have to hack through the

2604
03:09:04.000 --> 03:09:10.960
jungle with a butter knife, but it doesn't mean that just, just, just because does it stay just

2605
03:09:10.960 --> 03:09:20.000
because I, just because I am at point B and I went from point a to point B doesn't mean

2606
03:09:20.000 --> 03:09:23.760
just because I'm already at point B, that doesn't mean that you're already at point B.

2607
03:09:24.480 --> 03:09:30.320
You still have to walk from point a to point B. You have to walk that same path. I did.

2608
03:09:30.320 --> 03:09:34.800
You just don't have to hack through the jungle. You don't have to blaze the trail. So it's

2609
03:09:34.800 --> 03:09:43.120
easier. So what it is is I overcame obstacles that, um, that were, that were hindrances

2610
03:09:43.120 --> 03:09:48.320
that if I didn't, you would have had to have had it that hard, but because I had it that hard,

2611
03:09:48.320 --> 03:09:53.760
so to speak, I, I overcame in those areas. I said, no, God is true. God's word is true.

2612
03:09:53.760 --> 03:09:58.800
And I'm receiving it. That's the, that's how we're overcoming. And I received his word.

2613
03:09:58.800 --> 03:09:59.840
And so it manifested.

2614
03:10:00.000 --> 03:10:04.680
into creation and it broke off chains and it released creation from frustration, including

2615
03:10:04.680 --> 03:10:06.480
in the metaphysical realm.

2616
03:10:06.480 --> 03:10:10.960
And so I got from point A to point B. So now there's a path that you can take from point

2617
03:10:10.960 --> 03:10:15.280
A to point B, but you still have to walk it.

2618
03:10:15.280 --> 03:10:19.080
It's not as hard for you, but you still have to take the same trail.

2619
03:10:19.080 --> 03:10:23.400
You still have to make the same choices and you still have to sacrifice everything.

2620
03:10:23.400 --> 03:10:28.380
You can't be at B and still be at A. You can't have both.

2621
03:10:29.380 --> 03:10:40.500
In order to operate and live in the spirit, you have to choose, but you can choose to

2622
03:10:40.500 --> 03:10:47.780
receive an impartation from me in the spirit by honoring the message of rest.

2623
03:10:47.780 --> 03:10:54.820
Only honor, not honoring it because I speak it, honoring it as in as you listen to it,

2624
03:10:54.820 --> 03:10:57.140
what it is that your spirit resonates with.

2625
03:10:57.140 --> 03:11:01.780
So between you and God, what your spirit knows to be true as it hears those things,

2626
03:11:01.780 --> 03:11:08.340
it attaches to those things and chooses to receive it by it coming out of my mouth.

2627
03:11:08.340 --> 03:11:12.700
When you are receiving something that your spirit resonates with and lights up, you're

2628
03:11:12.700 --> 03:11:19.460
receiving an impartation of what it is that I have, what it is that I've done, what it

2629
03:11:19.460 --> 03:11:20.460
is.

2630
03:11:20.460 --> 03:11:25.780
In other words, what it is that I chose, what it is that I overcame, making it easier for

2631
03:11:25.780 --> 03:11:31.740
you to make the choice that you have to make, which is the same choice I had to make.

2632
03:11:31.740 --> 03:11:33.620
But anyway, you get to receive an impartation.

2633
03:11:33.620 --> 03:11:36.700
So that's what I'm talking about.

2634
03:11:36.700 --> 03:11:41.300
It's not about the thing of like, well, I went through certain experiences, so hopefully

2635
03:11:41.300 --> 03:11:43.740
you can learn from my lessons.

2636
03:11:43.740 --> 03:11:46.300
That's the one way of viewing things.

2637
03:11:46.300 --> 03:11:53.140
This is spiritual chains and freedom that we're moving into that make it easier for

2638
03:11:53.140 --> 03:11:57.020
you to make your choice, but you still have to make the choice and it's still hard in

2639
03:11:57.020 --> 03:12:00.580
the fact that in a way, there's still the same cost.

2640
03:12:00.580 --> 03:12:03.420
You can't be at A anymore.

2641
03:12:03.420 --> 03:12:09.260
If you want to go to B, you can go to B, but you can't stay at A anymore.

2642
03:12:09.260 --> 03:12:10.460
That's the cost.

2643
03:12:10.460 --> 03:12:15.700
You have to let go and you have to surrender in full vulnerability.

2644
03:12:15.700 --> 03:12:21.660
So in a way, we're all both making the same extremity and intensity of choice in the fact

2645
03:12:21.700 --> 03:12:27.540
that we have to give up ourselves, dying so that we might have life.

2646
03:12:27.540 --> 03:12:36.540
He who gains it, he who saves his life shall lose it, but he who loses his life for my

2647
03:12:36.540 --> 03:12:40.860
sake shall gain it.

2648
03:12:40.860 --> 03:12:41.860
That's a good word.

2649
03:12:41.860 --> 03:12:44.860
I want to let you go because I realize how long we've been talking.

2650
03:12:44.860 --> 03:12:48.060
Time flies and your cough, you need to rest your voice.

2651
03:12:48.060 --> 03:12:49.060
I do.

2652
03:12:49.460 --> 03:12:54.060
Oh my word, three hours and 20 minutes.

2653
03:12:54.060 --> 03:12:56.740
So anyway, I hope all this is helpful.

2654
03:12:56.740 --> 03:13:05.020
I will upload this recording to YouTube and then I mark it as unlisted, meaning that only

2655
03:13:05.020 --> 03:13:07.460
people who have the link can access it.

2656
03:13:07.460 --> 03:13:10.740
Then I would ask that you download it and then let me know when you're done downloading

2657
03:13:10.740 --> 03:13:13.740
it so that I can remove it from the internet.

2658
03:13:13.740 --> 03:13:14.740
It's safe.

2659
03:13:14.740 --> 03:13:17.220
Yeah, that sounds perfect.

2660
03:13:17.220 --> 03:13:22.700
I will do that and thank you.

2661
03:13:22.700 --> 03:13:27.900
This was really great and this was really helpful and I took lots of notes and I'm going

2662
03:13:27.900 --> 03:13:32.260
to go back and watch it because I just feel like, you know, there's so many good words

2663
03:13:32.260 --> 03:13:35.020
in there and I just appreciate you.

2664
03:13:35.020 --> 03:13:40.420
Thank you for pouring into me and spending your time.

2665
03:13:40.420 --> 03:13:42.300
You're welcome.

2666
03:13:43.300 --> 03:13:48.780
You can't learn this, so just allow yourself to be with the Lord, like be, you know, go

2667
03:13:48.780 --> 03:13:52.580
back and watch this and remember the words that I used of like how to just, like how

2668
03:13:52.580 --> 03:13:55.820
you just feel your way through it, et cetera, et cetera.

2669
03:13:55.820 --> 03:13:56.820
You won't figure it out.

2670
03:13:56.820 --> 03:13:57.940
Don't allow yourself to figure it out.

2671
03:13:57.940 --> 03:14:04.100
Allow your soul and your spirit to shift without you knowing what's going on and you have to

2672
03:14:04.100 --> 03:14:07.780
give up control because you don't know whether or not it's working and you have to trust

2673
03:14:07.780 --> 03:14:08.780
it.

2674
03:14:08.780 --> 03:14:16.620
The other thing is, not that you have to, but people have said that when, like for instance,

2675
03:14:16.620 --> 03:14:20.780
I know that you've been through my longer rest intensive, you know, obviously, but there

2676
03:14:20.780 --> 03:14:23.340
are people who've been through the five day, which you were in as well.

2677
03:14:23.340 --> 03:14:29.260
You went through one of the five days and they said that it was very, very, they said

2678
03:14:29.260 --> 03:14:32.260
it was very impactful and they didn't think, and they thought, oh my word, Ashley, this

2679
03:14:32.260 --> 03:14:33.660
is so powerful.

2680
03:14:33.660 --> 03:14:36.140
They signed up for the conference and they were blown away.

2681
03:14:36.300 --> 03:14:41.020
They're like, oh my word, Ashley, there is so much more, more in the conference than

2682
03:14:41.020 --> 03:14:42.020
there was in there.

2683
03:14:42.020 --> 03:14:49.300
My point is that a lot of what we're talking about, I address in there in multiple sessions.

2684
03:14:49.300 --> 03:14:50.700
So all kinds of different areas.

2685
03:14:50.700 --> 03:14:55.100
I also mentioned some, I also go through some exercises that I don't think that you've ever

2686
03:14:55.100 --> 03:14:56.100
known.

2687
03:14:56.100 --> 03:14:58.460
I don't think you've ever heard.

2688
03:14:58.460 --> 03:15:00.020
So you don't have to.

2689
03:15:00.000 --> 03:15:03.600
But if you wanted to now, obviously, in order to have access to the conference,

2690
03:15:03.600 --> 03:15:06.680
you know, the commitment gesture is still required because I require that of

2691
03:15:06.680 --> 03:15:11.520
everyone, because again, a new we're committing to the Lord, a new level of

2692
03:15:11.520 --> 03:15:12.720
rest that we are committing.

2693
03:15:12.760 --> 03:15:15.000
I am going to actively step out on this Lord.

2694
03:15:15.440 --> 03:15:17.280
Um, I'm not just going to hear the revelation.

2695
03:15:17.280 --> 03:15:19.880
I am going to put my money, money where my mouth is.

2696
03:15:20.280 --> 03:15:23.840
Um, but I just wanted to mention that in case you might find it helpful because

2697
03:15:23.840 --> 03:15:28.360
other people have said that they, that there were new breakthroughs.

2698
03:15:28.720 --> 03:15:31.720
Um, in fact, one lady at Natalie was really sweet.

2699
03:15:31.720 --> 03:15:34.520
She said that she thought that this was the most.

2700
03:15:35.160 --> 03:15:37.880
That this was one of the best weekends of her life.

2701
03:15:37.920 --> 03:15:40.440
And she said it was definitely the most transformational.

2702
03:15:40.880 --> 03:15:44.560
So, and she's been in my rest intensive longer than you have.

2703
03:15:45.560 --> 03:15:51.200
So, um, and so in other words, there were like new breakthroughs and you might hear

2704
03:15:51.320 --> 03:15:59.120
them where these, um, we talking about my flesh.

2705
03:16:01.000 --> 03:16:05.360
So you don't have to, I just wanted to let you know where there's, uh, there's

2706
03:16:05.360 --> 03:16:09.680
another opportunity or possibility, but remember learning more, isn't going to

2707
03:16:09.680 --> 03:16:11.120
motivate you or change you.

2708
03:16:11.400 --> 03:16:12.640
It's not going to help it.

2709
03:16:12.960 --> 03:16:13.560
Honestly.

2710
03:16:13.920 --> 03:16:16.360
Um, it, in other words, I say, it's not going to help it.

2711
03:16:16.600 --> 03:16:17.240
It might help it.

2712
03:16:17.520 --> 03:16:18.760
It's not going to do it.

2713
03:16:19.760 --> 03:16:21.080
You ultimately do have to choose.

2714
03:16:21.080 --> 03:16:23.400
It won't inspire you to, to change.

2715
03:16:23.720 --> 03:16:27.720
Um, but it, uh, but it might help like get some more thoughts together.

2716
03:16:28.000 --> 03:16:31.280
Um, eventually though, you are going to have to let go of all of the thinking

2717
03:16:31.280 --> 03:16:32.720
and all of the knowledge and everything.

2718
03:16:32.720 --> 03:16:34.080
It is that you learn in here.

2719
03:16:34.280 --> 03:16:37.960
You're just going to have to give it up and, and, um, just submit it to the Lord.

2720
03:16:38.480 --> 03:16:38.800
Yeah.

2721
03:16:39.080 --> 03:16:40.920
Anyway, but anyway, there you go.

2722
03:16:40.960 --> 03:16:47.240
So, um, so you'll have the recordings available up on like some kind of a.

2723
03:16:48.120 --> 03:16:51.680
Like you'll have them on a platform so that we could just like give a

2724
03:16:51.680 --> 03:16:52.040
commitment.

2725
03:16:52.920 --> 03:16:54.200
They're currently on YouTube.

2726
03:16:54.440 --> 03:16:54.720
Yeah.

2727
03:16:54.840 --> 03:16:59.440
People are still, are still, um, yeah, are still watching it.

2728
03:16:59.440 --> 03:17:02.280
They're still sending in commitment gestures and still watching the recordings.

2729
03:17:02.720 --> 03:17:03.040
Okay.

2730
03:17:03.040 --> 03:17:08.520
So right now, the one thing that's not up is the last one because it was up

2731
03:17:08.520 --> 03:17:10.440
live and then it disappeared.

2732
03:17:10.560 --> 03:17:14.040
So I have the recording, but I have to upload it, but I haven't gotten the

2733
03:17:14.040 --> 03:17:17.600
recording from the photographer, from the videographer who filmed it.

2734
03:17:17.880 --> 03:17:22.400
So that's the one thing, but trust me, there's 20 to 22 hours of teaching.

2735
03:17:22.920 --> 03:17:24.120
You're not going to get through.

2736
03:17:24.120 --> 03:17:27.680
And before I get the last one, no, I think I'll be fine.

2737
03:17:27.720 --> 03:17:28.440
Well, you never know.

2738
03:17:28.440 --> 03:17:29.880
I'm pretty, pretty keen.

2739
03:17:30.080 --> 03:17:30.840
No, I'm just joking.

2740
03:17:30.880 --> 03:17:32.120
Um, but.

2741
03:17:32.880 --> 03:17:33.360
Okay.

2742
03:17:33.400 --> 03:17:38.440
So then I would just make it similar to what I did today and just put it through

2743
03:17:38.440 --> 03:17:41.760
PayPal and then let you know, that's what it was for.

2744
03:17:42.160 --> 03:17:47.120
And then, um, you would just give me access to those and what I download them,

2745
03:17:47.120 --> 03:17:50.640
or are they going to be up on YouTube unlisted for however long?

2746
03:17:51.000 --> 03:17:51.400
Yeah.

2747
03:17:51.400 --> 03:17:53.360
Um, for the foreseeable future.

2748
03:17:53.680 --> 03:17:56.480
So I don't have any, I don't have any plans right now.

2749
03:17:56.480 --> 03:17:59.080
I mean, I may change something in the future, but right now for the

2750
03:17:59.080 --> 03:18:01.200
foreseeable future, they're up for.

2751
03:18:01.720 --> 03:18:02.000
Right.

2752
03:18:02.040 --> 03:18:06.000
You know, yeah, no, I think, you know, I had thought about that.

2753
03:18:06.040 --> 03:18:10.480
I knew I couldn't attend live necessarily, but I had thought about maybe, you know,

2754
03:18:10.480 --> 03:18:16.120
talking to people about, so that's good to hear and yeah, that would be, that'd be

2755
03:18:16.120 --> 03:18:16.680
awesome.

2756
03:18:16.840 --> 03:18:17.240
Yeah.

2757
03:18:17.240 --> 03:18:21.080
So I just want to let you know, just in case you were looking for, I don't know,

2758
03:18:21.080 --> 03:18:22.120
just in case it would be helpful.

2759
03:18:22.120 --> 03:18:24.160
It'd be like, Oh gosh, I really wish I'd known that.

2760
03:18:26.040 --> 03:18:26.320
Yes.

2761
03:18:26.320 --> 03:18:28.880
And then what I'll do is I'll probably make notes from all of it and bring all my

2762
03:18:28.880 --> 03:18:30.800
questions to you on a one-on-one call.

2763
03:18:30.800 --> 03:18:32.640
I'll be like, all right, so what did this mean?

2764
03:18:32.640 --> 03:18:39.080
And what information gathering, and then eventually I'll be like, I've got enough

2765
03:18:39.120 --> 03:18:40.640
information and I can just let go.

2766
03:18:41.000 --> 03:18:41.240
Yeah.

2767
03:18:41.240 --> 03:18:42.880
And you're like, you just have to do it.

2768
03:18:42.920 --> 03:18:44.040
So yeah.

2769
03:18:44.040 --> 03:18:47.360
And the faster that you choose to do it and not need it, right.

2770
03:18:47.360 --> 03:18:50.640
And I mentioned, I talked about this in the conference and I repeat it multiple

2771
03:18:50.640 --> 03:18:51.080
times.

2772
03:18:51.720 --> 03:18:59.680
It's, it's important that we not require God to reconcile all of the, all of it first

2773
03:18:59.680 --> 03:19:00.840
before we just choose.

2774
03:19:01.120 --> 03:19:04.120
God likes us to choose it first before it's reconciled.

2775
03:19:04.560 --> 03:19:12.920
But anyway, so I would recommend that instead or before, whichever, doing the

2776
03:19:12.920 --> 03:19:20.640
conference, but that's totally up to you because you may not be at a point where

2777
03:19:20.640 --> 03:19:21.560
you feel you can.

2778
03:19:21.800 --> 03:19:28.480
You may be willing to be willing to, and you might, but don't be in condemnation

2779
03:19:28.720 --> 03:19:30.320
that you're not willing to yet.

2780
03:19:30.520 --> 03:19:33.720
I'm not saying that you are, I'm just saying if you're are in that place, don't

2781
03:19:33.760 --> 03:19:35.280
be in condemnation for that.

2782
03:19:35.280 --> 03:19:38.120
That's very important because condemnation will do nothing but make it

2783
03:19:38.120 --> 03:19:42.560
harder and, and, and we'll resist it and make the, make the process more difficult

2784
03:19:42.560 --> 03:19:44.600
and then not allow you to shift into rest.

2785
03:19:44.920 --> 03:19:49.080
So just be, just allow yourself to be willing to be willing to let that be

2786
03:19:49.080 --> 03:19:54.000
enough and then do what you need to do, you know, and, and grab another tool, yet

2787
03:19:54.000 --> 03:19:59.280
another tool, but, but ultimately, you know, you're going to have to let go of it.

2788
03:19:59.600 --> 03:20:00.000
If it.

2789
03:20:00.000 --> 03:20:07.440
changes but don't tell yourself you should let it go and expect it to work. You have to actually be

2790
03:20:07.440 --> 03:20:13.600
be ready for it. I know and that's that's what I could I'm ready for a bit I'll shift into it

2791
03:20:13.600 --> 03:20:18.720
then I'll shift out then I'll shift in I'll shift out so I think even that's good that's good but

2792
03:20:18.720 --> 03:20:26.080
I know it's a good start but longer periods of time shifting in would be yeah to deeper levels

2793
03:20:26.640 --> 03:20:32.320
to much more radical degrees like the entire life not just like the result for this this

2794
03:20:32.960 --> 03:20:39.200
experience in God you know or the result with this client but just like my entire life everything I

2795
03:20:39.200 --> 03:20:45.760
want for Avea and my husband and even having them and I mean just I mean it's like extreme as

2796
03:20:45.760 --> 03:20:50.240
radical as you can possibly go it's that extreme that we have to choose but I'm telling you what

2797
03:20:50.240 --> 03:20:55.520
everything's changed everything shifts on that everything it's amazing and then you never want

2798
03:20:55.520 --> 03:21:01.520
to go back if that's that's the full transformation of the gospel right there at that moment you'll

2799
03:21:01.520 --> 03:21:05.200
you'll discover something that you never knew life could look like that and you never knew

2800
03:21:05.200 --> 03:21:10.880
that you had to give everything up in order to gain everything so but I will put this up on

2801
03:21:10.880 --> 03:21:22.160
youtube and and send you the link thank you you're welcome I'll talk to you later okay bye