Hello, amazing beautiful people. Do you know how excited I get
when I just know that you're going to get the next episode of
something that is going to raise you up and take you to another
level. We recorded this this morning with a live group. So
I've just gone through this whole training this morning, and
I'm just too excited. I couldn't wait until Friday to do this for
you or with you. So thank you for those of you who are walking
with me every week and I catch up with you in the mentorship on
a Monday to unpack this stuff and to work it through and to
answer your questions. And also thank you to my DIY crew, those
of you who are just doing this for yourself, and you're working
through it at a pace that works for you. It is such a joy to
share this with you. Now I would love you to let me know how
you're getting on, just whether it's working for you, whether
I get to see the mentorship group, I get to see them, but
the DIYs, I don't get to see you much. So if you want some tips,
you want to know, or you want to just share this has been
helpful. It'd be super to hear from you. You can just flick me
a message 0273 or 20617 just in case you haven't got my number.
But anyway, right now I'm not going to fluff around because we
need to get on with it. You guys, time is money. And we need
to make sure that we're saving you time and money by moving
forward. That's not the that's better. So that's not the screen
I wanted to share. So we split week four, I was trying last
week, I was going to do power of love and forgiveness. But you
know, I really wanted to focus on the power of love. And this
week, I really want to zone in on forgiveness and the power
that that has for you. It is genuinely transformative, when
we release our past pain, and we exchange it for our future
promise. But before we go into forgiveness, let's have a quick
recap. So I encourage you to think about what have you done
with that dreaded drama triangle, and the empowerment
dynamic, what have you done about love, overcoming fear this
week. And so the first thing to consider is the insights that
you gained from last week, some of you may not even know how
the dreaded drama triangle relates to the empowerment
dynamic, you may not have seen how to flip from one to the
other, you may not even have known what the dreaded drama
triangle was. And so that might have been one of the things that
was an insight. Another is that I have choice in every moment.
So you get to choose. And that lovely, I'm just going to put
the might be in the learnings, actually, you know, changing,
just one word, have to, to get to, you know, that shifts and
moves mountains, it's nuts, that one word can make such a
difference. So just any other insights that you can think of,
I just encourage you to was there anything else where you
went, Oh, my goodness, that was amazing. I hadn't considered
that. Or I, you know, when we talked about things happen to
me, or things happen for me, or because of me, you know, or
choosing, you know, to be in a fixed mindset, rather than an
open mindset. So just pause for a moment on this video. And
take a moment to think about what the insights were. And
then think about how you've integrated them. And then what
have you noticed? What shifts have you noticed? So that have
to, to get to often brings freedom of choice, which can
make people feel more in control. So they are more in
control of their lives, rather than feeling other people are
in control, you have to do this and have to do that. And
whatever the situation is. So just have a think about that.
And also, you know, how have your relationships shifted, now
that you're not coming from fear. And I know that this
morning, one of our beautiful ladies shared, you know, her
husband wasn't very well, he actually came home because he
was fatigued and short of breath, etc. from work. And this
is something that is he's had before. But it normally lasts
a very short period of time is a bit longer. And she went, you
know what, I'm not going to be scared about his illness, we're
just going to go. And we're going to go, we're going to go
to, we're going to find the health line, then we're going to
end it up at ED and ask questions. So instead of being
fearful, she put herself on the front foot, and she drove him to
hospital, she she took
control. So again, that front foot, you know, puts you in a
situation where actually you're carving your path. So again, you
are in control or taking responsibility, which actually
in itself is empowering. And in this case, uplifted and
connected here more deeply with her husband. So that just gives
you like when we take, when we own it, when we take
responsibility, we actually empower everybody ourselves and
everyone around us. So it's really exciting. And then
reflecting your interactions over the past week, you know,
were you able to use the tools to discuss and foster deeper,
more meaningful relationships? When we come from fear, we often
argue, we often find resistance, we often find that we're
defending ourselves and moving back. So hopefully, you know,
you found that you were closer to people that were more, you
know, that were closer to you that rather than moving back,
you moved in. And there's that difference between, you know,
that's so you leaned in, instead of leaning out, you know, you
stepped forward instead of stepping back. So just have some
thoughts for yourself around how that worked. And for me, I have
to say I've had to put my Yes, we can do this. Today, we
recorded our introduction for our new radio broadcast that
we're going to do the new radio show that is going to come out
on a Sunday night, called Get the Message Out. So watch this
space. And I so again, it's connected to the person that
fell and I are going to be doing it together. So he owns
messenger bookstore here in Hastings. And obviously, I've
got this business. So the two of us are going to come together
and share and do a radio show over the next over the coming
weeks. So watch this space. So that was engaging with others
was getting out my comfort zone, it was putting fear aside, and
just focusing on the love focusing on how well we know
each other rather than I can't do this, oh my goodness, and
just roll beautifully. So the other thing to do then is also
to reflect, reflect on how you feel right now. Now, it's
mid-afternoon for me. So I've done all the stuff that I need
to do. And I'm probably a seven out of 10, which is the number
of completeness. So that's all quite exciting or number of
heaven, perfection. So my word is, and what's your word?
What's your word? As you listen to this? How are you feeling?
I would say, I'm just going to put content for now. That's
where I feel I'm at. So that's that little, it's that
mid-afternoon. Yeah, you know, things have gone well today. I'm
pumping, but I'm not like I'm just the energy levels have
dropped just a little bit. Okay, so just helps you when you're
sitting in this space to just be really self aware, be in the
present. His presence is the gift of today. And so be in this
gift, be aware of where you are. What does it feel like? What
does it smell like? What does it taste like? Okay. And then this
week, we're going to talk about unforgiveness and forgiveness,
which comes from chapter six in the book. And I love, I still
can't remember her name. I couldn't remember her name this
morning. That's really bad. I can see her face, but I can't
remember her name. She's a preacher lady. Anyway, she said,
unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other
person to die. When we harbor unforgiveness, we are holding
ourselves back. The other person doesn't even know. So I just
want you for a moment to consider where you might hold
unforgiveness, or might be holding unforgiveness in this
situation. And just for me, unforgiveness often sits with
injustice, or things aren't right. That's not fair. That's
not right. That's not from my perspective. And can also sit
in just in my situation or my perception of something so
doesn't fit right. And I can get quite stroppy about it. But we
all have a
hard to play. And so I could have been as in chapter six, I
could have been very unforgiving of my ex husband. You know, he
threw me across hallways and was physically and mentally abusive.
And I could have harbored that all my life. I was very lucky. I
got a great life coach at the time. And she helped me work
through some of that stuff. But me being bitter, me holding on
to that was only going to destroy me. So just think about
so it made me feel bitter, it made me feel less than. So
holding on to that unforgiveness, holding on to
those bitter memories, you know, basically destroyed was
destroying what can destroy, you know, it's just unhelpful.
And also makes us pull back, it disconnects us, we can't connect,
I can have a conversation with him now, like I'm chatting to
you. It's just what it is, because we worked on how my
heart's been healed. I've forgiven, I've let go and I feel
so much better, which we'll do in a minute. So it can
disconnect. And to be fair, it can cut off our nose to spite
our face. So it actually is, it's hindering us and making us
just feel, you know, unseen and unheard, which is a natural,
humans need to be seen and heard, we need to feel like
we're seen and heard, we need to feel valued, we need to feel
noticed, we need to feel like we're significant. And
unforgiveness stops all of that, makes us feel less than makes us
feel insignificant, like no one cares. Doesn't sound like God to
me certainly sounds like the opposite end of the spectrum.
Funny though. Okay, so understanding forgiveness, so
we've realised that this is ugly, makes us feel less than
destroys, disconnects, hinders us, holds us back, makes us feel
stuck, makes us feel like we can't do anything, we can't move,
it's awful. So when we forgive somebody, it's actually about us.
It's not about them. It's about releasing. So understanding
forgiveness is about releasing ourselves from the burden, the
burden of guilt, the burden of shame, the burden of whatever it
might be that we beat ourselves up over. I could beat myself up
about playing the victim, about I can't get out of here. You
know, I didn't know anyone at the time, you know, or didn't,
as far as I was concerned, still in a foreign country, this
wasn't my gig. I hadn't come here, I'd come here to raise a
family, not come here to be a solo parent. So you know, and
also that, you know, that failure, I'd failed. The one
thing that was meant to be good at bringing up a family and
being a good wife, I'd failed miserably at. So I had to forgive
myself and stop talking to myself as if I was a failure. So
it released me to become the woman I am today. So that
released that burden of failure. The other thing is, when we
forgive somebody, we don't forgive them for, we don't say
actually, that behaviour is okay. We're not condoning, we're
not saying actually, that's fine to beat somebody up. It's not
the case. We can forgive them because they know not what they
do. But we can forgive them. Because they don't know, they
don't know the impact it's had on you. They don't know how much
it's hit. And to be honest, to be fair, they probably didn't
mean it. My ex-husband, I don't think ever meant it. He did it,
but I don't think he meant it. I don't think it's who he was. I
don't think it's who he is. Well, it's who he chooses to be.
But it's like it's not, it's not him that was bad. It was our
situation that was unhelpful. So, you know, it just takes
away the pain. It takes away, when we forgive, it takes away
the guilt and the shame. And for me, it released me from
failure. When I forgave him, and actually what I did, I went a
step further. I went from failure to blessing. And what I
did was I went from, so forgiveness, forgiveness was the
key.
was the key that opened the door to thankfulness.
Now, some people, it could be
that the thankfulness brought forgiveness.
And I think maybe at the time
that was exactly where the right rounder was.
I thanked, and then I found the forgiveness.
So in that process, I wrote a three-page letter
thanking my ex-husband for bringing me to New Zealand,
for the amazing lifestyle that we had had
since we'd been here, for my two beautiful children,
for the stunning home that we had,
for all the holidays and the fact that my kids could ski
and they could swim and they could do all the things
that they did, that we'd had the horses all the way through.
There were lots of things I had to be thankful for.
And I wrote a three-page letter and it came from my heart,
but what it did was it allowed me to be free.
So pause, consider, what is it?
What would forgiveness bring you?
And it brings you connection, it brings you peace,
it brings you joy, and it brings you freedom.
There may be some other things that it brings for you too,
but those are the kind of things that forgiveness brings.
You're no longer trapped, you're no longer scared,
it brings you love.
And it did, brought me another husband.
How cool was that?
I wasn't expecting that, let me tell you.
I wasn't intending to get married for a very long time.
Anyway, I read that in the book.
So this is a forgiveness exercise to help walk you through
how to go from unforgiveness to forgiveness.
And the first thing is to identify unforgiveness.
Where are you holding on to unforgiveness?
Where are you holding on to some resentment,
some anger or frustration?
And I will often hold on to unforgiveness
in actually in the church space and often with elders
or leadership.
I mean, it's interesting the things that I get myself into.
So because they don't do things the way I do them,
but you know what, it's just as well,
because I couldn't and don't want to run a church.
So actually it's not what I'm called to,
I'm not called in that space.
So because it doesn't work the way I work,
because there are things I see that I see
are things they could do better,
I might get all self-righteous as opposed to right-standing
and get myself into a pickle.
And I can be quite unforgiving.
I can be quite rude if I'm not careful.
So the first thing you have to do with unforgiveness
or where that might be,
and it could be with your husband,
it could be with, you know,
there were times I used to get really stroppy about Kev
when he just used to leave his dirty dishes
from his lunch on the side
and not put it in the dishwasher.
Dishwasher's broken at the moment,
so we can't put anything in there at the moment.
But anyway, you know, but what the heck,
am I going to die now?
So let's go into the next bit.
So first of all, identify it.
And then I encourage you to allow yourself to feel
and express these emotions.
Now, often what happens in unforgiveness
is we push it down and we pretend it's not there.
We are, and we try and put this face on
that we're really supportive of whatever it is.
I'm a shocking liar, so it's written all over my face.
However, so let it be, let it come out
because once it comes out, once you speak it,
once you write it down,
once it's out of your head and out of your heart,
it is no longer yours and you can see it
for what it really is.
This is out of the darkness into the light.
So let, you're not going to hover,
you're not going to stay here, but let it out.
Let whatever it needs to come out, come out.
So in my case, I could be grumpy
because I don't see pastoral care in the,
I don't see the elders leading pastoral care.
It's not the gig, which is why they don't do it,
but it's, I don't see it.
They don't do it the way I do it.
So that's where I would get stuck
and get grumpy or that there's, you know,
often no acknowledgement of good works.
outside of the building.
Or, so I will get quite cross, probably identifying the
unforgiveness rather than, but I'll get cross, I'll get
stroppy. In fact, I'm just going to put these because
these are a bit more specific of this, of what I get
stroppy about. And then I get stroppy, I get vocal,
because I start telling everybody about it. And the
more stroppy, the more stroppy I get, or the more vocal I
get, the more stroppy I get, the more vocal I get, and it
just builds unhelpfully. It makes me feel sad, so I get
the pain. And you know what, I can get really riled, I can
get really going on this, and so it builds into something
unhelpful. And for me, I'm more angry, it makes me angry,
it makes me frustrated, it makes me fiery. So some
people it goes in, you know, it makes them sad, it makes
them feel depressed, oppressed, it makes them feel less
than, whatever it might be. For me, it does make me feel
less than, but it's almost like pressing the, you know, the
button to go. It's like, it just makes me fire. So
whatever your emotions are, express them. Even if you want
to pause this video and shout, or cry, or get angry, or
whatever it is, let it out. Let it out, because then you don't
have to put it back in. And then forgive yourself. Forgive
yourself for holding on to these things, because the next
thing we'll do, once we've let it out, normally, or
generally speaking, is we then go, oh, what did you say that
for? That was terrible. Oh, my goodness. And we start putting
ourselves down. Nope. Just let it out. That's no meaning. It's
just gone. And so forgive yourself. Forgive your former
self for being angry. That's a whole book is about looking at
my former self with compassion and understanding. It was about
forgiving myself for the mistakes I'd made. I did the
best I could in every situation. But it's different
today as it was yesterday. So have compassion. Give yourself
some empathy. And if you can, give yourself a pat on the back
for being here now,
and for letting go.
I'd also, you know, say, give yourself a pat on the back for
actually starting to see
how amazing you are.
Because you are amazing for being here. Now, we know about
this. It's right at the beginning. I think it might even
be in chapter two, the good old God box. Okay, so place these
thoughts, these feelings, this gongusmus. You can write down
both two, one and two. And if you want to three, but one and
two, because you're going to give them to God. That's not
yours. It's not yours. It's not my jurisdiction to run a church.
I've been given that authority. Thank goodness. So that's it.
Give it back to God. And then, you know, actually, we discussed
it this morning, so many people have been church hurt and they
leave church. And actually, we need to let go of those people
who hurt us. We need to let go of those situations. Church is
perfect until we're in it. But we're not perfect. We're
excellent, but we're not without fault. So place that stuff in
the God box. Give it to God. So I give him all my gongusmus.
It's a German. It's not German. It's a Greek word for grumpy. I
don't know if that's how you spell it, but gongusmus. So I
give him all of that stuff, all of my yuck, all of the pain, all
of the grief, all of the shame, all of my opinions, because I
have plenty of those, giving them to God. That's it. All
yours. I don't have
have to have an opinion about it. I don't have to get involved in this stuff. I can just let it go.
And then find yourself somewhere quiet, so pausing this video because you're somewhere quiet,
ask the exchange. Okay God, what am I not seeing?
Lord, help me to understand this person, this situation. Help me to see the unseen.
And what is it you want me to share? What is it you actually want me to go and talk about? What
is it? I get to talk to Cliff once a month with Kiv. We go and hang out with him and he's always
open. He always listens. In fact, the whole eldership team are pretty cool in that space.
They will listen and they will see you. So God, what am I, what is it Sally? I ask God, what is
it you want me to take? And so funny that he said there's 150 people online and there's no home
group. So, you know, it was like, okay, ask about home groups. You know, because that's the thought
they've got to think about. We're expanding the church. The church is growing. We're giving
permission to grow in this space. So I think about that. And also, and it was great, you know,
this week because our system, we're not really acknowledging the people online. So we get to the
end of a service and we go, you know, if anybody wants to give their lives to Jesus or if anybody
wants healing or whatever it might be, and that's it. The poor souls on the TV screen haven't got
any, they don't know how to connect. So, you know, again, offering the help
to those online and how to connect.
And thankfully, you know, some of that was actually addressed, literally we spoke on the
Wednesday, sorted on the Sunday. Job done. So, you know, what's the solution? What's,
come on, what's the exchange? That's my problem. That's my gongosmos, but that's not you. What is?
And then where do we go to from here? And then the other thing was, because I get,
there are people who want to do business with people that they know, but they don't know what
business they're in. And that's not the, that's not. So how about having some notice boards?
You know, some for business, some for community, some for events, whatever it might be. Let's start
there. So getting that exchange and then speaking out the forgiveness of verbally expressing your
forgiveness for that personal situation and declare your great exchange. So it could be,
you know, thank you. And often for me, it is thank you, Lord, for great leaders.
You know, I thank, I thank him for their hearts for him and to say yes.
You know, cause I don't want that role actually. So whatever it is, be grateful, be thankful,
speak out your thank you, Lord, for helping me through this. I release all of that. And I'm
claiming my great exchange. I'm claiming the fact that they did listen. They do implement
all the things that we share pretty much. So actually, Lord, thank you for giving me a voice
and thank you that they're here. Thank you that they see. And then it's all released. And guess
what? When we work together rather than against each other, goodness happens because actions get
taken and everybody together, everyone achieves more. We achieve more together. And then when old,
this is just a combat negative thoughts, it's kind of you've done that bit, but when old hurtful
thoughts arise, pause and replace them with the truth. So when something starts to rise,
when anger, frustration, whatever it might be, hold on a minute, where does that come from?
Oh, it's you. That's all right. I'll deal with it later. If that makes sense, or I'll deal with
that in terms of no, no, you are the weakest link. Goodbye. Thank you. I'm going to claim that truth
that I am heard that I am seen that I am honored that I am respected, whatever it might be for you,
claim the truth, because the truth will set you free. So I'm just going to put in here, I am
honored, or I am valued. You've got to feel this for yourself. This is about declarations. So
whatever your declarations are, or you speak your vision of yourself or your values,
rules over yourself, or your new belief over yourself, whatever it is for you, get in that
space and declare it. Could be a scripture that's just in your space in this time, but get
claiming the goodness of God. So today we've covered off some core concepts. One is the
great exchange. So identifying the unforgiveness, releasing those negative emotions and replacing
them for the joy. And the other is really just being remember that you get the opportunity to
get rid of your old baggage because it's your past. It's not part of here and experience your
new inheritance and your new luggage. So what I'd like you to consider today is what are you going
to do? What three at one to three actions are you going to do in the coming week? And I would
suggest that for some of us, it's just to be aware, just to be aware of where I'm at. And then
once we're aware, we actually pause, breathe,
get into a space we need to be, so just quietly. Sometimes if you're at work and you're about to
kick off, you know what, just go to the loo, wherever it is, just somewhere that's quiet,
somewhere you can just think for a moment, pause, breathe and ask for the great exchange.
What you might have to do before you ask is let go. So feel it,
let go of it and then ask the great exchange. So just feel it. Yep. Get rid, let go and then
replace it. Instead of this, I'm going to feel this and then see how that goes for you.
And you might not have a third thing, you may or you may not, but that's what I would do
in this coming week. And then the other thing I'd like you to do is just consider how you feel at
the end of this coaching. So I'm now pretty much ready to go. So I'm going to say eight,
which is new beginnings, because I've now got to get on with the rest of my day,
but we're going to walk the dog shortly. And I am feeling, I am feeling,
that was actually the word I had earlier, contemplative, because actually I'm going to
have to think and work and absorb some of this. It's going to take me some time to think about
this. So enjoy thinking about this over the weekend, enjoy thinking about this work. And I
would, for those of you who are in membership, get this done, have a think about it. We'll
unpack some more so that you can set your goals on Monday, clearly of what you want to achieve
for the week. And don't forget, we've got to recap what you actually achieved from last week.
And for those of you who are enjoying the DIY and doing it yourself, just let this sit for a day or
two or for whatever, and sit and then work out what it is that you actually want to do in this
coming week. And then have it in front of you, have it front facing. Send me a message, let me
know what you're up to, what it is you're going to do with this training this week. And then let's
keep each other accountable, because actually it's super good to be able to celebrate, to go, yay,
you've done this. Very, very exciting. Alrighty, have an amazing week. Enjoy forgiving and letting
go, because it brings us so much more. It lifts us up and it frees you. It doesn't mean that you
condone what they did, but it frees you. So have an amazing, God-blessed week. I love you all.