Okay, there, for some reason it wasn't saying recording.
Well, welcome ladies, this is June 24th, Tuesday, heart check-in, so good to see y'all.
If you are not able to come on camera, please, please, please do that.
I think someone is at work, Kelly, you're at work, so totally get it, can't come on
camera.
Glad that you're here to listen, that's good, and Juanita, totally fine if you have to mute.
All of you should be muted anyway until, if you have a question, then obviously I'll ask
you to unmute and you can, and I'll take your questions here in a moment.
Do I have anybody that is new to phase two and new to the call?
I recognize most of you, Karina, is it Karina, Karina?
I don't see your, I don't see your face, and I don't see a picture, I don't see a thing,
so I don't, I apologize if you're not new, I just don't recognize your name, maybe you
come on the evening calls?
Anyway, if you're new and watching this in replay, welcome, we're glad to have you here.
Okay, gotcha, thank you so much, I see your message in the chat, good, good, good.
Okay, ladies, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.
So those of you that are watching in replay that are new, my name is Karla Johnson, I'm
one of your coaches here at Last Year Single, I strictly coach most of the ladies here in
the Love Story Accelerator, along with my partner, Ebony, she takes the evening ones,
I take the daytime ones, and then you have other, you obviously have Bethany in phase
one, and then you'll have other coaches and stuff when you move on from Love Story Accelerator
and go to the all community, but I'm here for the Love Story Accelerator, and I am a
success story.
So I came to find Jackie in 2020, when she launched her program, and I happened to be
scrolling through Facebook during the pandemic, and at first, I kind of was cringy about it,
because we called it something else, it was called Married in 12 Months or Less, and I
thought, I just didn't seem like healthy.
But when I read what program was all about, super naturally just felt a tug that it was
something that I needed.
And I'm so thankful that I joined and have been in this community now, almost five years.
I, like I said, I am a success story.
So after about two years in the group, I did meet my husband.
Karina, there you are.
I do.
I remember you from last week.
Now I know.
Okay, thank you.
This is why I like to see your faces, because I'm better with faces, not so much with names.
But yeah, and so I met my husband.
We've been, we'll be married two years at the beginning of September this year, and
I've been coaching with Last Year's Single now, almost over a year and a half now.
So I know a little bit about the program, and I'll walk through it.
So nothing that we coach you here is probably something that I didn't myself have to be
coached on, or have experienced myself.
So just know there's a lot of grace and a lot of love, and a lot of compassion and
understanding of where you all are sitting and what things you all are experiencing.
So just know that.
All right, just go over a couple housekeeping things.
Just remember that when, to not be saving the Zoom links anymore, we are going to be
changing those frequently so that we don't have people that are no longer in the program
able to access it.
So you all are paying members, and so that is why you have access to these calls.
And so we don't want to save those, because then if people decide to drop off and then
they're just not having access.
And we want to keep this community safe for you all to get vulnerable here.
It's super important to the process of being able to share openly and feel like you're
in a trusted environment.
And that's one way that we do that, is we decided to switch up the Zoom links.
So when you need to come on to these Zoom calls on Tuesdays, just make sure that you're
going to the app in the events tab and getting the links that way.
What works for me, I know you can click and it will take you there.
Sometimes there's glitches with that.
The best way that I, and I've never had problems doing it this way, was to log into
Zoom.
on a different browser, like on my own browser,
log into Zoom, and then I click join,
and then I have to copy and paste the meeting ID.
If you do that, then it should pop up the password.
I type the password in, which again, it's on the events,
it's the info in the events tab on that day,
and then I never have any issues logging in that way.
I know at times, sometimes people can find trouble
clicking the link and it doesn't open it up.
You typically have to be logged into Zoom first
in order to be able to do that.
So, like I said, if you just log into
your free Zoom account, click join, copy the meeting ID,
paste it in there, and then type in the password,
you should not have any issues logging in
to our Tuesday Zoom calls.
Remember, those are at one o'clock Eastern
and eight o'clock Eastern, okay?
Just a quick reminder, when you are finished
with the Love Story Accelerator,
the best practice for that is to be here
at least, at least, at least four to five weeks, okay?
I have found more women get more if they're here
probably six to eight weeks, maybe a little bit more, okay?
That gives you time to be watching one video a week,
that's the content video that doesn't include replays, okay?
So, make sure you're watching those five videos,
just one a week, then that should keep you here
at least five weeks.
Make sure you're coming to as many live calls as you can,
or watching in replay, and ladies, make sure
that you're doing Supernatural Saturday,
and then try to get into a prayer call
if you can throughout the week.
That's gonna be super important to be intentional, okay?
And then once you do that, you can request
to move over to the all community,
which we used to call phase three, this was phase two,
and you just email admin at JackieDorman.com.
Just a reminder, that email, it is,
we can't take personal coaching questions on that email.
Now, we are in the works of launching our coaching website
so that if you need additional one-on-one coaching
for an additional charge, we do charge for that.
We do have several coaches, myself included,
where we do take one-on-one calls.
So, we are in the process of launching that website
so that if you feel like you just need
more in-depth coaching, then that's always available.
Just try, just don't be emailing personal coaching questions
to that admin email.
Any coaching questions need to go through the app, okay?
Like I said, if it's more in-depth and you need more time,
we do 50-minute sessions.
Those are available for an additional charge.
Otherwise, ladies, I really wanna emphasize
how important it's for you to go to the app
and let us know what's happening.
If you've got questions, if you're not sure what's going,
you know, how to handle a certain situation,
if you have hard work things come up,
dating situations or scenarios to go up,
if, you know, you're having an issue,
even just some triggers with family,
whatever it is that you're experiencing,
we're here to support you, but we can't support you
if you're not coming in the app and sharing it with us.
Okay, we're there to answer your questions,
we're there to coach you along the way,
we're here to support you, but we can't support you
if we don't know what support you need.
Does that make sense?
Okay, I see lots of shaking heads, so that's good.
Okay, so a couple of things,
and then I'm gonna leave the hour
for y'all to ask your questions.
Last week, our activation was putting yourself
in alignment with Holy Spirit,
and Ebony, a couple of weeks ago,
was giving you ladies like a 50-day challenge
to, you know, what can you do to help keep yourself
in alignment with Holy Spirit each day?
Is it five minutes reading your Bible?
Is it waking up and praying for five minutes?
Maybe it's, you know, prophesying over your life,
maybe it's listening to worship music,
declaring scriptures over yourself,
instead of doing some of those other things
that you typically do.
So if you're, you know, you're kind of down in the dumps
about something, are you self-medicating,
or are you leaning into Holy Spirit?
Okay, and so she gave you that challenge,
so I wanna encourage you ladies to continue to do that.
If anybody wants to share how it's been working for them,
or blocks that they're having with that,
by all means, ask your question here in a moment,
and we can dive more into that.
For this coming week, I wanted to kind of pull
from what Supernatural Saturday topic was,
so that's your activation,
is to make sure that you go watch Supernatural Saturday.
I want you ladies doing that every week.
I understand Saturdays can be difficult,
they're very difficult myself, because I'm.
my sports mom and we're typically busy with sports on the weekend so I can't
always get live on those calls but it is important to be watching those in replay
so make sure you're doing that each week but this week's Supernatural Saturday I
want you ladies focusing on getting in our app and sharing what your plan to be
intentional what you're planning to be intentional about this week okay how are
you going to shift from the waiting mode to believing in receiving mode okay it's
it's nothing new you'll hear it in this program all the time about not being in
the waiting room there's no waiting rooms in heaven there's preparation rooms
and that's what y'all are here for you're here for preparation okay so it's
gonna stretch you right when you when you get out dating it's gonna stretch
you if you're not dating and you just came out of heart work you're still
gonna be stretched because you're gonna have relationships outside of just
dating relationships you can have relationships with friends family
co-workers people at church and you'll be surprised it will stretch you when I
came out of heart work I didn't jump into dating I took about a year wouldn't
advise that but it did I took me a year but I still had stuff that I had to work
through and when I came out of heart work I noticed stuff that was surfacing
especially with people at my church you know I overextended myself I kind of
always if people needed me to serve I did it and I didn't do it because I felt
the heart to do it I felt like it was because I was gonna let people down or
people weren't gonna like me if I didn't serve or I I used the childcare service
because I had a son I was a single mom therefore I was obligated to serve in
the nursery y'all at the time I was a school teacher like I didn't want to be
serving the kids at the church I was serving kids as my job and then being a
single mom I didn't need to but I oftentimes felt pressured by my pastor's
wife that I was obligated to do that in it after coming out of heart work I
started putting boundaries up and I started getting some pushback so it's
not just this phase it's not just about dating we talk a lot about dating we
help you ladies get out and date and kind of you know step out of those fear
responses that you you got into because of some of the hurt that you experienced
but it's not just about dating okay so those of you that are like I'm not yet
dating yet it's okay you're still in the right place this is a season of
preparing okay and believe it or not when you work on your outside
relationships those will actually help you in your dating relationships as well
believe it or not because you're gonna see things and how you respond to people
differently and then when you do get into dating or see how you you do you're
gonna want to kind of go back to old tendencies because that's what's
comfortable and so when we're coaching you you're gonna be like but I don't
want to do that Carla I don't want to do that I already know this guy isn't
for me so I want to put the axe on him well no we're gonna tell you it's a yes
until it's a no we're gonna help you uncover what some of those blind spots
and those roadblocks are for you okay so just keep that in mind I know most of
you here are not new so you've heard this before but those of you that are
watching in replay I hope that gives you a better idea of what to expect in love
story accelerator okay so again what are you gonna be intentional about this
week and shifting from the waiting mode to receiving and believing so share that
with us in the app sound good for some reason I need to remove I can't see the
chat really well cuz I see participants okay now I can see okay so Kelly was
just listening to supernatural Saturday that's good it's helping you reset your
path so you're being intentional and wrong areas and time and wasting some
time okay that is so amazing I'm glad that you're seeing that and then Juanita
you were saying that is what I do every time with all the events okay good I'm
thinking with the zoom links is what you were referencing okay good I just wanted
make sure I didn't miss anything in the chat and so this week I just want to
briefly touch on what it means to be that it's a yes until it's a no okay it
means yes we want you to be open-minded okay we want you to give opportunities
to guys that maybe you once might not have thought would be a match for you
okay but that doesn't mean that you don't have choices and it doesn't mean
that you don't get to set some
So, for example, when you're on apps, a lot of times people will put their faith or something
on there.
And so, I see this often where people are like, am I just supposed to accept anybody
and everybody?
Well, no, you don't have to.
If you feel led that it's okay to do that, you can.
If not, that's fine too.
Now, when I was in the program and I was dating and using the apps, I just set a boundary
for myself that I wasn't going to talk to anybody that didn't at least put Christian
on their profile.
Now, that doesn't mean that they, like, if they didn't share anything in their profile,
I'm talking about, they didn't mark that they were Christian, okay?
If they marked that they were atheist, I wasn't going to date them, okay?
So, just because they say, like, we're not saying just take down all your fences and
everything, right?
We're not saying just have an open door, anybody can enter.
No, you're allowed to set preferences.
We're just going to request that your preferences aren't limiting you to getting to know some
really great guys, okay?
You get to have choices in this program, okay?
Now, if us coaches see that you're just constantly, like, shutting men down, not being open to
a guy that maybe, I'm going to kind of use Bethany as an example, and I don't think that
she would mind that I use her.
She was dating Brian before they got married.
She almost didn't date him and proceed to continue to date him because he was of a different
denomination than she was.
He was Christian, but he was a different denomination, and she would have passed up an incredible
man if she didn't be open to the idea that, well, maybe there are still God-fearing men
outside of my own denomination, okay?
That doesn't mean that, again, that you need to go date a bunch of different denominations,
okay?
It doesn't mean that you have to go date somebody that's a Buddhist, okay?
But it's just being open of, like, okay, they say they're a Christian, I'm going to give
them a shot.
Maybe they say they're Catholic.
Do you realize that there are some Catholics that do have a relationship with Jesus, that
they're not practicing all of that Catholicism stuff?
We have Catholics in our program right now, okay?
That sometimes tends to be a push with ladies, oh, he's Catholic, and so I'm not going to
date him.
I want you ladies just, again, it's about being open to the idea of just getting to
know somebody, all right?
So that's what it means to, it's a yes until it's a no.
A no is, like, after two or three dates, if you're like, I just don't know if there's
enough attraction and compatibility here or enjoyment that I want to continue to keep
getting to know them further.
I always encourage you ladies to at least give a guy two, if not three dates.
As long as he's not pulling red flags, like he's rude, talking about sex, asking too personal
of a questions after you put up a boundary, okay?
Don't knock someone just because they might ask you about your divorce.
You just don't know what questions to ask.
You might just, if they ask you that, just be like, that's a really good question.
I'd be happy to answer that in more detail once we've spent some time getting to know
each other.
Would that be all right with you?
You're setting a boundary there.
You're not saying, I'm not going to talk about my divorce at some point if this continues.
Because ladies, you are going to have those past relationship conversations when you're
dating, but we don't want you having those conversations the first two or three days.
Get to see if you actually like the person.
Do you like being around them?
That's what we're trying to get over first, okay?
Not, oh, I don't want to waste my time because he doesn't believe in sex before marriage.
You shouldn't know his stance on sex before marriage in the first couple of dates unless
he posts it on his profile.
My husband thankfully did that, so I didn't have to have the worry or the awkward conversation
like, I'm getting to know this person.
I like him.
He might cut and run if he realizes I'm not going to have sex with him before marriage.
Luckily, he did that.
Not all men are, okay?
Not all men are going to share that openly.
Some men will, honestly, and it's a blessing, but just because they may not have the idea
of like, okay, I'm not going to have sex with him before marriage.
have sex for a marriage.
But if they realize that maybe you will,
that you are, they actually might respect that boundary
and they're gonna have enough self-control
to be like, you know what?
I'm gonna protect that.
So again, those are questions that you're not gonna wanna
know the first couple of dates.
I mean, I actually, I say that in y'all,
but I do wanna know, but it's not necessary
because you haven't even decided,
do you even really like this person
to have that conversation yet, okay?
Does that make sense?
Okay, so that's what that means.
It's a yes until it's a no.
You don't have to date the atheist
just because they reached out to you on the app.
You know, you get to have choices.
We're just setting up guardrails for you, okay?
Just get outside of dating people
you normally wouldn't date, all right?
Does that sound good?
And then, all right, so if you have any questions,
we've got 40, 55 or so questions,
or not questions, minutes.
So don't hold back.
I wanna know what's going on in your world.
I got two hands up.
If I don't get more hands,
I'm gonna end up calling on people, okay?
I'm gonna ask like, what's going on in your world?
There's a couple of people I've seen some posts,
so I might ask you about some things, okay?
If you're not, this is where you get the coaching.
This is where the community is really, really helpful
because we're getting to know each other, okay?
And your questions will help other people
with breakthrough as well, okay?
Okay, now I see a couple more.
Thank you, ladies.
Thank you, Anita, Kim, awesome.
Okay, so now I got six of you, okay?
That'll be good, that'll be good.
And ladies, if you have a question pop up.
Wait, I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry, Carla, to do this.
I'm like trying to work and listen at the same time,
and like there's been some fires.
I missed that question.
Do you mind asking it one more time?
I'm saying if you have questions for the call,
so if you have a dating question, a heart work question,
something that you might've posted in the app
and want more clarity on,
you can use this time now on our call
to ask your questions.
Okay, cool, now I got eight.
All right, we got a lot here.
We got about 55 minutes or so.
So we need to keep things short, brief, and powerful, okay?
I don't need the full backstory.
If you've posted some in the app and I've seen it,
you don't have to like share it more with me.
I probably have read it,
just haven't had a moment to respond.
So just short, brief, powerful.
Lisa, how are you?
You're out there dating.
It's good, I like it.
Yes, I'm fine.
And then I'm gonna remind you ladies, one question, okay?
If you have more than one question,
then you can ask them after everybody's gotten
through their first question.
Sound good?
Yeah.
I don't know if you read, I did post it in the app.
Not sure if you had a chance to read it,
but I-
I saw briefly some of the video calls.
Is that what you're referencing?
Okay.
Yeah, okay.
So yeah, so this man, he's so sweet.
He's very respectful.
He has been, he started talking to me
and then on the third message he said,
when can we meet for coffee?
So, and then I said, well, I would love to do that.
But then I asked him another question
to divert that question.
And then we ended up having a date plan on 29th,
like coming Sunday.
But then I asked him to do a video call.
So in all of that, like he was really responding
pretty well consistently before we had set the date
for meeting in person and the video call.
Now it has kind of slowed down,
like not even a one message a day.
Like at the end yesterday, I was like,
hey, how was your day?
And he shared about his day, but he was pretty tired.
So I guess he probably gone to bed after that.
But now that that being said,
like today I have a call at 6 p.m. with him.
How do I even ask if I'll be okay to do it?
Like, I don't wanna get all dressed
and then him not be there.
Like, how do I initiate or do I even initiate?
Okay, so you guys have confirmed
that you have a 6 p.m. call tonight?
Yeah.
Okay, I think you can just be like,
hey, just double checking, are we still on for tonight?
Okay.
I think you can just be really, really simple.
Like, hey, I just wanna clarify
that we're still on for tonight.
And then wait for a response.
Go ahead and just get yourself ready.
Yeah.
Because here's the thing,
if he doesn't show up at six o'clock,
go find something to do.
True.
Like, distract yourself, okay?
Ladies, that's important.
I really felt like this is really good.
This is coming up in my spirit.
it. Ladies, I know how how easy it can be to get discouraged when plans don't go the way that we
expect them to go, especially when we're getting ready for dates and stuff and maybe someone
doesn't show or we feel like we get ghosted. It's really easy and it's valid to feel let down.
The way we shift out of that is we go find something to do. Okay, okay. Use it as an
opportunity. Like, you know what? This sucks, but you know what? I'm not going to let it get me
down. I'm going to use this as an opportunity to go do something nice for myself. Right. Sorry,
what did you say? How do I say to him? Hey, hey, just want to double check that we're still on for
six o'clock tonight. I'm looking forward to it. But ask the question, make sure there's an actual
question. And then I will encourage you in the future, don't divert when they ask questions.
Like if he's saying, let's meet in person. So he wanted to meet in person and you said,
that's great. Let's do that. Can we do a video call first? Okay. Is that what you did? Yes,
that's what I did. So then do the video call. Now at the video call at the end, if you if you
enjoyed yourself and you do want to meet him in person, remind him this was really fun. I'm really
glad we took this call. Um, let's definitely plan to get together in person. Let me know some days
and times that work for you. So, um, if they if they're not communicating a lot, like one message
a day, how is the best way to say that to them? Or is that okay in the beginning? Well, Lisa,
that's okay. In the beginning, you're still at level one. So level one, and even in ladies,
and you all need to hear this too, even in level two, it's okay that a guy's not talking to you
every day. And it's okay for you not to be talking to them every day. If you have time and you feel
like doing it, that's fine, but we don't want you hung up in these early stages of level two,
where you haven't even had an in-person date, or maybe you only had one in-person date.
And you're having a lot of emotional connection with the person that you're messaging them
several times a day, you know, without any intention of having real life interaction with
them. We don't want you getting clogged with this false emotional connection, just because
you're messaging back and forth. I say this from experience ladies, before I found this program,
okay, I found this program, I was like 36, 37 years old. When I was 29, 30 years old,
I was on the apps, and I dated a guy that lived in Indiana. And I was living in Florida. Now,
I'm originally from Indiana. So that kind of struck me. He was from Northern Indiana. I was
from Central Indiana. But he knew of the area that I lived in, which was Sarasota, Florida,
because he visited there, he had family there. And he, I actually met him a few times in person,
but it wasn't consistent. But we talked and messaged each other every single day for almost
a year. So when he eventually moved to Florida, y'all, I thought I was in a relationship with
this man. And he wanted really nothing to do with me. I was devastated. I spent a year now,
Kathy, I see you shaking your head. No. Yeah, like, shame on him. But guess what? Shame on me too.
Like, I allowed that because I allow myself to feel like it was a connection when really it
wasn't. You can't we don't want you emotionally connecting with someone that you are not going
to do life with. Okay. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. Thank you. You are welcome. All right,
Kathy, you're up next. Oh, thank you. So I thought I posted in the coaching part last night. And I
actually posted it and all because I missed the little secret tab at the bottom. So I just said,
but real quick, so since last week, and you weren't here last week, but I've had like three
in person dates. Now the one guy gave two dates to and kind of was outside my little parameter
as far as like age, I thought you're not okay. Like you said, I did all that. And he was a
Christian man and all good. So the second date, though, you know, we have diaper guy on the one,
the one lady had the diaper guy that like we're adult diapers. Well, this guy was great. I'm just
gonna call him wingman. The second date, we went to see that movie, the rodeo, the last rodeo,
which was great. And he took me to another bar. And then he ate chicken wings and had barbecue
sauce all over his mouth. And he just wanted a t shirt to the date. And I didn't even try. I
looked really cute for two days. And I just kind of got that wasted. So I think he must have gotten
the message. He's not really messaged me. He was going out of town. I'm going to be in Bradenton
tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm in Sarasota. I'm so excited to go see my friend. But anyhow, so what has happened
though, in the meantime, I met another guy, he contacted me first because even on his
profile he said, long distance can be a problem. And I'm like, and he's about three hours away.
So he posted that. And but anyhow, so he said, Gosh, I just love your profile. I said, Gosh,
I love yours too. And anyhow, so we have talked and talked and talked on the phone. I haven't
really done a video with them. But I had him, I could tell we became Facebook friends that
it was a five year old picture. So I said, Hey, you're visiting your sister, why don't
you take a picture and send it to me? He did. And he's a Christian man. And so as we progressed
already, his concern, and we kind of talked about this, I think last week a little bit,
I need some guidance on long distance dating. So it's three hours. He has great friends
that live here. Money is here's the other great thing. Money is not an object for him.
He's very well set hiring time. And this is what he told me yesterday. I just have to
tell you that I want a final relationship. I'm not into a hookup. I'm looking for someone
I wish to marry and live my days with. You can run now. Yeah, no, I'm in the same boat.
And then he made this comment. I've been praying so long that a yoked relationship
has not come. God wants me to live old and live old and alone. I believe I said stop
speaking that I I last I last year singled him and I go No, never speak that over yourself
again. And I said, That's not true. And he's coming here the fourth, fifth and sixth to
meet me. So yeah, so that's okay. But I need some help. Is there an area in the book, or
some of the videos I can watch about long distance dating? Um, there's not. But good
news. I was in a long distance relationship. Okay, so I do have experience with that. Obviously,
I was in this program and going through it. There's been many women in program that have
done long distance. I've heard Jackie teach on this. So it's, we we have, we have an understanding
of it. So you're not like, you're not floating out in the middle of nowhere. Like, what am I
supposed to do here? Okay. The cool thing that I'm hearing is that he, he obviously is set up
time to come see you. That's huge. So how long have you all been talking? Only about five days.
But I mean, a lot like he drove for two hours when he was driving back. Okay. So he's already
driven to see you. No, he, that was driving from his sister's house. We've just had long
depth conversations on the phone about a lot of things already. Okay. Well, the good news is that
you all are meeting in person in less than three weeks. That's important ladies. So those of you
that are open to long distance, it's going to be really, really important that you get
a face to face in a three to six week period. You don't want to be having this emotional
connection because you're going to, at this point, you're going to have to have
phone calls, texting, FaceTime, all that kind of stuff. You're going to have to date differently
than you can date in person. There's ways of doing it. But the big thing is getting in person to
really see if that, that connection face to face is really there and that you enjoy being around
that person. And so that's good. That's a good sign that he's already set up time to come see
you. I think it's important that, I mean, you guys have clearly already talked about how
money is, the finances is not an issue. That's, that's huge. Because you're going to, you're
going to want to make sure that you see each other as often as you can. Okay. For me, my
husband and I, I don't think we went more than a month of seeing each other. I think there was
one time there was a hiccup and he had to stay longer and it was like a six week period.
But I was either, he was either flying to Florida. Now the, the thing with him is that he worked
remotely, but his company was based in Florida. He was living in Texas, so he could travel for work.
And so he had hotel stay, all that kind of stuff was covered. And then his flights were covered. So
he was able to frequently come for work. So that helped for us. And then if he wasn't,
then he was flying me out to see him in Texas. And I had a little bit more flexibility because I was
no longer a school teacher. I was just, you know, working where I had a little bit more flexibility
in my schedule that I could take off when I needed to. So that's important that you are engaging in
that. I
would, do you know why he said long distance can be a problem?
I'm not sure he said that, but I told him you're the one that
reached out to me first year.
You talked to me and my son gave me like a green light because I wasn't sure I
was ready to leave Wichita for Kansas city area.
He said, mom, my girlfriend, her family's all in Kansas city.
It's no big deal.
So that was my big green light.
And so he, he's just really worried about how to navigate it.
He's still working.
He doesn't have to work, but he was waiting to find this person before
he retired, because I think he's a pretty bored.
Okay.
Um, but you, are you, you're retired?
Pretty much.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Even if you can't, or he can't come to you, he could fly you or, you know,
Oh, I'll just drive.
I've got friends there and that was my other thing is making
sure that you have places to stay.
I do free stays.
Yes.
Perfect.
Yeah.
So, I mean, it was funny because he's got great friends here too.
He said, well, I can stay with them or stay in a hotel, whichever.
So, I mean, it's a really, I mean, I didn't expect this.
So, and I'm, I don't want to put the cart before the horse, but I
mean, everything can be excited.
You can be excited for this.
I think it's totally fine, but you don't sleep very good.
So that's a problem.
Cause I'm traveling tomorrow.
Girl, I don't travel a whole lot and I still don't sleep good.
Cause my hormones are all over the place.
It'd be 65 and giddy.
Good.
I think these are all great things.
I love it.
Um, I, it sounds, it sounds wonderful.
I mean, are you, is there anything that you're nervous about or unsure about?
I mean, I, I think again, just making sure that you guys can see each other and
spend some time getting to know one another, the biggest key to make sure
in person, he's as good as he is on paper and the pictures are really good.
And yeah.
Yeah.
So, okay.
I'll just try to keep that in mind and we can meet in the middle too.
I've got a friend that lives in between too, that I can stay with.
And if you have anything that comes up where you're not sure about, or you
don't know how to navigate again, put it in the app, ask your questions.
Like I said, I have experience with long distance.
Okay.
Um, I've, I've heard Jackie coach on it frequently as well.
Obviously I leaned into her and I say this, I was not going to do long distance.
I was like, no, I'm not moving either.
Like I was, I like, that was like a non-negotiable for me.
Right.
And God had to scale that away from me.
And when I finally was like, fine, I'm surrendering it all.
Then my husband dropped in my DMS a week later.
And then I was like, oh, he's in Florida because he didn't
say about living in Texas.
He just said he worked out of Clearwater, Florida.
And that initiated me to be like, oh, that's yeah, we can entertain this.
And he's like, oh, I don't live in Florida.
I live in Texas.
And I was like, well, I guess it doesn't hurt to get to know you a little bit.
And then, like I said, once we met and got to know each other, it was like, no,
this was what God intended.
I just needed to be ready to release the pen about location.
And once I got through that, like the doors flung open, I was an army brat and
God had kind of put in my spirit that about moving and my son was like, well,
like another state, I go, no, I mean, I don't know.
I I'm thinking about changing locations within Wichita to a different house.
Yeah, but then this happened.
I'm like, okay, well, I think I was just supposed to be open to the idea of
moving and I'm okay with it.
So, yeah, I think, I think this is good.
I think I'm excited to kind of see again.
It's okay to be giddy.
Okay.
If you see anything like, remember, everyone's going to have yellow flags.
You, you have yellow flags, you'll have yellow flags.
Just make sure that you come and process, um, through them with us here.
We're here to help you navigate it.
Um, I think it, it sounds really good.
I'm excited for you.
Thank you.
Thanks Carla.
I'll be reaching out for you for sure.
Since you're the expert in long distance, I've got the long distance under my belt.
All right, Julia.
How are you, Julia?
Remind me.
Are you, have I, have I seen you before?
Were you here last week?
Um, yeah, I was here last week.
Yeah.
Please.
Sorry.
I'm I to talk much.
Okay.
Um, so yeah, I, um, I've had quite a few phone dates, I guess you could call them.
Um, the last week, my situation is difficult because I live rural.
Um, I've got kids, I've got them 24 seven.
Like it's, it's hard, you know, um, to, so I feel like video is a good first step
cause it helps kind of weed out.
Yeah, I was a single mom, too. I, I get it.
One of the guys I talked to last week, man, he, he was kind of a
jerk. I'm not gonna lie. I just, I just answered. I didn't know.
You know, when you're put on the spot, you almost don't know how
to respond. Like,
it's kind of like taken back, like you don't expect someone to
be a jerk. And then you're like, what is happening here?
Of course, I answered all these questions. And I probably
shouldn't have because I just wasn't, I was just taken back
that like, yeah. But looking back, I think I'm more prepared
for the future. Just in, you know, ending it and just being
like, you know, I don't think this conversation is going where
it needs to go. And, you know,
and then you can hit end.
Yes, yes, yes.
And the screen goes away.
Yes, yes.
And you can block and you don't have to give an explanation for
it, especially if they're crossing lines and being really,
really
well, like, yeah, like rude. I don't like, I don't know if
you've ever talked to somebody who says everything that's in
their mind. But like, that's what he was doing. Like he was
doing. He's like, Oh, he was like telling me how well he knew
me from just a couple things that I shared. And I'm like, you
have no idea. And he's like, I'll bet you have. It's like he
tells me this.
He said, wait, wait, I didn't you cut out. He said what?
He said, I'll bet you haven't been on very many dates. I can
tell. That's what he tells me.
Like,
I've been like, what makes you think that?
Right, right. Who is this?
Have you not been on many dates? Is that is that why? Well,
right. I sometimes I can dish it back. Like I learned how to do
that. Sometimes that's my personality. Like,
I asked him, you know, is that why you're still single to, you
know? Do you not have experience with dating either?
Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, I just felt like he thought he was
better than me. Does that make sense? Like, yeah. And I there's
not hierarchy in God's kingdom. So and we didn't I mean, we
didn't go deep. And honestly, he hasn't contacted me since and
that's good. I'm glad.
Yeah, and that's the thing is, and being able to sit back and
recognize that's a hurting person. It is such an insecure
person. Yeah. And you don't have to carry it. It sounds like
you're not carrying it, which is good.
But I was, I was real upset about it for a couple days. I
was like, I not tell him that. Why did I shoot it back? And
then, you know, God really clearly told me again, going
back to heartwork. I'm not here to please people. Like your goal
is not to please that person. That's not my daughter. And it
really doesn't matter what that person says. And I think back to
that one scripture about, about the people that were in the
synagogues that were leaders that did believe in Jesus. But
how they, they cared more about the praise of people than they
did about. And so they never admitted that they believed in
Jesus. So who knows where they are on the last day, right? Like
I don't want that to be me. I don't I want to be clear. So
and it sounds like I love that you you recognize, like, I sat
in it for a couple days. But then you leaned back into Holy
Spirit, you leaned into what God said, and you started taking a
lot of those lines and replacing them with truth. That's
heartwork. That's what you ladies are going to experience
as you start dating. I would love to tell you that you're not
going to experience some, you're not going to experience
disappointment in your dating. I would love to tell you that
that's you're not going to have to. But the reality is, that's
not going to, you're going to probably face some disappointment
with some of your dates. You're going to face some rejection,
you're going to face some things that are going to feel
odd and uncomfortable. And those things will happen because
there's a deeper healing that will take place, that's
preparing you for your for your marriage, and for that person
that is going to come. And it's not going to, none of the guys
that that are all the wrong guys are, it's not going to matter.
Because when you find that person that God really wants for
you, and you willingly choose that it's, it's going to be
you're in alignment with him. And so it really, it's really
important that you ladies practice these heartwork tools.
And that's what this dating for discovery is really all about,
is putting your heartwork tools into practice, as you date
differently, as you recognize things that maybe sit
uncomfortable to you, or you don't like, or it makes you feel
a certain way, or you're responding, or you know, you
recognize something that's unhealthy in you
or unhealthy in people that you're attracting
and you're gonna start growing out of that.
That's the cool thing about this program and the process.
So that's why when you ladies get into the whole dating,
it's important to connect with Holy Spirit
and see what he's wanting to reveal to you
and what opportunities he's using
in every dating experience.
So Julia, I think it was a blessing
that you got to experience this jerk
because it's showing you how much healing you've done
and you're setting, you're putting roots down
of what am I gonna accept and what am I not gonna accept?
And now you get to walk into,
here's how I'm gonna set better boundaries moving forward.
Ladies, you're not gonna do this dating thing perfect.
I didn't do the dating thing perfect.
Me and my husband didn't do the dating thing perfect
after I even had been in heart work.
I still didn't do it perfectly.
But it's the process,
it's making sure that we're partnering.
So I think it was a blessing that you met this jerk
because now you're realizing you're not gonna accept that.
And you get to put up boundaries
and you know if you have to come across
someone like that again,
I believe you're gonna end that call immediately.
Yeah, absolutely.
Well, thanks for letting me share.
I do have other questions, but you can go ahead.
We can circle back around, absolutely.
All right, Leanne, how are you?
Oh, there we go.
Now I got you.
I'm doing great.
Apologize how I look.
I just had an overnight flight.
We're all girls here.
It's totally fine.
Celebrated my mom's 75th birthday back in Pennsylvania.
Oh, exciting.
So dating's kind of a tricky thing for me
because I'm a travel nurse.
So I'm usually only in a spot for 13 weeks,
maybe more if I extend.
Thank you for the advice on the one guy
who after two dates wanted to become serious.
And then when I said, I'm not ready for that,
he asked if he could kiss me the next date.
Yeah, he's kind of like pushing on those boundaries, right?
Yes, so I did say to him that those are things
that are reserved when I get to the point
that I wanna be serious with somebody
that right now I just wanna get to know the different people
that was followed by, I'm okay with that.
But while I was home,
which he knew I was home for my mom's birthday
and seeing my kids who I haven't seen for a while,
there were lots of texts like, how's everything going?
Please send me pictures, those types of things.
And I just, again, reminded him that those are things
that I don't wanna do until I'm in a serious relationship.
So.
He sounds like he may have some anxious attachment himself.
He might not be a bad guy,
he just might be going through some of his own stuff
that maybe he hasn't healed from.
Right, and I don't feel like he's a bad guy,
but after being on a couple of dates with him
and stuff like that, I know he's not my guy.
Yeah.
And that I don't have an anxious feeling
about not disappointing people,
which is something that I've worked with a lot
through heart work.
And it was nice, because over the weekend,
there were certain things that happened with family
that would trigger that and I'd spiral downward that didn't.
I was able to stay home and see the growth there,
but I'm still not sure how to end things
kind of in a nice way,
because I would usually just go along until they stopped.
So I think the best way,
I always say being clear is being kind,
and you can be very simple.
Like, if you're just direct and clear, it's kind.
So if this guy reaches back out and says,
hey, how's it going?
How are you doing?
Whatever, and just be like, hey, I'm really doing great.
I'm gonna be honest with you.
I don't see this going anywhere romantically,
so I don't wanna keep prolonging this.
I do wanna wish you the best in your dating journey.
I hope you understand.
You're being clear
that you don't see it going anywhere romantically,
and you don't.
I'm guessing you've given,
it sounds like you've given this guy
at least two or three dates.
You've done that.
You spent some time.
I'm around him, you're still not feeling it, which is fine.
And you can say, okay, I'm gonna release this.
All right?
Just be clear.
Yeah, be clear and kind.
As far as the travel nurse stuff goes,
are you, I'm guessing you're open to long distance.
So yeah, go ahead and set those parameters open.
You never know.
We actually, when I was in the program,
one of the girls that I was friends with,
she lived in Atlanta, Georgia.
And she was a travel nurse.
She traveled up to like Fargo, North Dakota.
And she was on apps and she met her husband.
Then she got placed somewhere in Missouri,
which is where he was at.
And then now they're married.
She's actually the one that saw my husband's profile
and shot him a message.
I have a friend for you to meet.
So travel nurses can find love too.
I'm the friends with one and she was in this program
and she was a travel nurse.
So as long as you're open to long distance
and getting what that looks like
and just letting people know I'm a travel nurse,
long distance is probably gonna happen.
But then once you get to know somebody,
then you can probably end up figuring out
how to set roots down at some point.
But yeah, be clear and kind with that other guy
and just be encouraged that yes,
it might get a little challenging,
but this is the cool thing about our technology nowadays
is that there's FaceTime and video calls.
20 years ago, we didn't have that.
It's much more difficult where you'd have to do phone calls,
but at least you can do video calls.
I know, and I know I'm going off on a tangent,
but I do think this is gonna be helpful
for ladies that are dating long distance.
We have so many women in this program
that got really creative with their dates
with long distance, where they set up video calls
and had dinner dates.
They make dinner together on a video call.
They would plan with the guy they were dating,
hey, let's make spaghetti, go get this ingredients,
and we'll make it together on video.
I'll be in my kitchen, you're in your kitchen.
They'd sit down, they'd have a meal together
and talk over a meal.
They would do movies.
You video and you can screen share movies and stuff.
And so the two people could be watching a movie
at the same time.
And so there's ways of being creative with that,
all sorts of stuff.
So that's the cool thing nowadays
is we can get really creative with video.
Awesome, thank you.
You are welcome.
All right, Juanita, how are you?
Good to see you again.
Hello, yes, you were on vacation,
and then last week there were a lot of customers,
so I couldn't come on.
But because you wanted all of us to ask a question,
I'm sitting here going, okay,
what kind of question am I gonna ask you?
So anyway, so let's see.
I got a, so I'm not dating.
I got, somebody took pictures of me.
I have my profile almost totally situated.
Good.
And I am in a way wanting to get a new job.
And so last night, a job in Utah,
I live in California, but a job in Utah
teaching stained glass at a really huge facility.
I mean, it was just perfect right up my alley.
And I went into fear mode about moving to Utah,
not knowing anybody.
I already don't know anybody here,
but I've gotten familiar and comfortable.
And then to move, it's so like the whole thing
just kind of like seem, yeah, dangerous and scary.
But this morning,
cause I had prayed before I went to bed
and I was like, oh Lord, what is going on?
So anyway, but this morning I had, I don't know,
maybe it was just a brighter day or something,
but I had more, I was really interested.
And so I think I'm gonna pursue just putting in my app.
I mean, I'm 74 years old.
I don't know if they're gonna want,
but I'm active and I'm healthy.
I don't know who they're looking for.
I think it's just, yeah.
Even just stepping out in faith and putting the application in will be good.
Um, with the fear, have you been able to walk through a little bit of what are
the core thoughts or beliefs that's attaching that fear and really breaking
that down and then replacing it with God's truth?
Um, I guess in an organic kind of way, because last night was all just doom and
gloom, you know, it was just like, how are you going to get there?
How are you, what are you going to do?
You know, you know, financially you don't, you can't even, you know,
where are you going to live?
You can't, you can't, you know, you can't all the unknowns.
You're putting like the cart before the horse, but now the worry in it, when
you're like, okay, I haven't even taken the first step yet, so stepping out in
faith and letting God work out all the details.
Yeah.
And so I think what the Holy spirit was working with me this morning in that he
identifies, you're just operating out of fear and fear will keep you from doing
anything.
And so I've walked this journey with stepping into fear.
And I mean, fear coming, setting itself, its parameter around me.
And I'm, and I've had to like break through many times.
And so, so just like, um, I think it was Julia.
She was like saying, when things come at you so suddenly, you kind of don't have
an answer.
You kind of like are pushed back.
And that's kind of how I felt last night was like, but Juanita, the job description
is right, perfect for you.
And, um, and the funny part was that I saw it's called clay.
The company's called clay something.
And basically they teach ceramics, but, and, and I saw them on Facebook and I was
watching the guy and he's talking and I thought he was really interesting.
It's just this young man who opened up the studio and I thought he was really
interesting.
And I thought, what a cool thing.
What a cool studio.
So then I get a, cause I put my, um, the resume on indeed for, for apple for job
applications, you get an application in my email saying, Hey, there's a stained
glass shop for the same studio that they're just starting a stained glass
studio.
And they're looking for someone who knows how to set up a stained glass studio.
And I'm like, but I went into fear mode.
And, um, so anyway, so today I'm not in fear mode.
Okay, good.
Yeah.
So you're going to put that application in and you're going to keep us up to
date with what's going on with that.
I I'm excited for you.
I think that's really awesome.
Um, it sounds very like divine appointment.
Yeah.
And I was trying to push that off.
Like, no, but anyways, like even like just exploring the possibility, right.
Put the application out there.
Who knows?
Maybe you get to make a little trip.
Who knows what's going to happen?
You know, like go take a trip out there, see what it's all about.
Enjoy yourself, relax, take it in.
You don't have to decide.
And if they offer to offer you a job, you don't have to even
decide right then and there.
You can go investigate first.
See how you like it.
Go pray while you're there and go from there.
But it sounds it's it's I'm glad to hear that you woke up in a different spirit
today and that you're, you're motivated to go ahead and put that application in.
I'm, I'm excited to hear what comes of it.
So on my profile, because I'm like really ready to like go on the dating apps.
So on my profile, you know, the, the, the opening.
So if I'm looking to get a job and it might take me into, into
another state or whatever.
So how do I present myself as to where I live?
Um, I don't, I don't think you have to really share a whole
lot about that right off the bat.
I mean, you can say I'm currently here.
I'm open to relocating with whatever, wherever God takes me.
Cause who knows?
I mean, if you're putting that out in the open, then maybe someone
else is also open to relocate.
You, you just never know.
This is kind of that stuff where you allow God to kind of iron out the details.
Okay.
That makes sense.
I think as long as you're saying, okay, I'm currently here open to relocating.
Then this way, I mean, I'm guessing, are you also open to long distance?
Um, yeah, I mean, as far as it's in driving, driving distance, you know, like three hours.
So I mean, you're, I, again, this is where you, you don't want to stop living life just
because of dating, like, does that, obviously we want you ladies being intentional with
dating, but it doesn't mean that you stop living your life and stepping into what God
is asking you to go work through, like, go, go on. Does that make sense?
Yes. Because that's what I, last night that push pull came is like, well, you're intentional
about this whole dating thing, but, and then if you're going to go run off and try to get this
job, it kind of is like, what do you go like? Yeah. And God irons out those details. Like,
and I am testimony of that. I was so reluctant on moving. And when I let that go,
God worked out all the details. Like one of the biggest details that I had absolutely
no control over. I had a son, his dad lived about 45 minutes away from us. He'd see his dad
once every two weeks. And that was a big thing that I'm like, I, I didn't even know how I was
going to sort that out with dating someone that was long distance, but we weren't even in a
position to really have those conversations right away because we were still like newly
getting to know each other. And it just so happened when we decided to be exclusive the
very next day, my son's dad called me up out of the blue to tell me he was moving out of state.
I did like talk about God already working out details that I didn't have to do.
That would have been one of those roadblocks for me where I don't know if I would have gotten
through. I don't know if I would have pulled the trigger. If there was this looming, like I have to
deal with my son's father. He's going to be angry that I'm moving out of state. Cause my husband was
very clear. He wasn't leaving Texas. And I was like, Oh, how's this going to work? Okay. I'm
open to it. But in the back of my head, I'm like, but my son's dad, what am I going to do with that?
Now? We didn't have, we don't have, we didn't have a parenting plan. We had nothing through
the courts. We had never been married. So there was no paternity established, anything like that.
But like I said, God worked it out. He was not going to let any roadblock get in my way.
He was handling all of that. So I say that to encourage and give you hope and faith that God
is intentional in writing your love story. He has all of those what ifs already figured out.
Sweet. And a lot of times you don't have to do anything with it.
Just works it out. Now there's times we're going to be left with choices. I still had to choose
to move. I had to still, like, it was a choice I had, we have free will,
but he's like, I'm going to remove anything that potentially might cloud your judgment.
And that, that's how, that's how invested and how loving of a God we have and serve,
especially when it comes to our love stories.
Yeah, I'm really grateful for this community right this very second. I was just what was
going through my head was, see, I got such great encouragement and feedback.
And I thought this question was nonsense, you know, and so thank you.
Well, thank you. I think this is testimony for you just saying, okay, I didn't even know I was
needing to ask a question. You stepped out and got vulnerable and share something that you didn't
even think was going to be a big deal and you got breakthrough. And I guarantee there's probably
someone either on this call or watching and replay that it's something that they needed to hear as
well. Like, that's why it's so important, ladies, that you're on these calls, you're sharing,
and you're in the app and you're sharing what's going on. Because believe it or not, ladies,
like we, like people, there are people in this program that are wallflowers that go in and read
y'all's post and read our responses, but they're still, you know, scared and, and, you know,
unsure of coming out of hiding themselves, but they're getting breakthrough from your questions.
So I want, I want that to be encouragement for all of you. All right. I got Kim and then Lori
and then Sandy. And then Julia, I know I'm going to circle back around to you, I believe. And then
if Lisa, if I have time, I will do that as well. If not, we'll have to leave some things for the
app. All right, Kim, how are you? I'm doing well. Thanks. Juanita, I was with you that whole way.
So I'm, I've been
fear about getting into the dating apps. That's been my fear. And I did kind of a question and
I feel like Carly, you kind of answered it. I think what I need to do is go find write some
scriptures to claim God's promises so that because every time I go on Facebook, I've gone all the way
through on Facebook dating, and I get to the end where I'm ready to hit the button. And I can't do
it. I just can't do it. And then I, I've done this like three or four times now. And I've been in
this phase of this program for probably a little, a little over, maybe a little over two months,
and haven't even had one date. And I don't know, it's just so and then so I was like,
I knew that I had the fear. And then I was I kept praying about it. But I didn't feel like I was
getting an answer. And I was just like, I was feeling frustrated because I feel like I felt
like, well, something's not right either. There's something that needs to be healed to me that's not
healed. But I said, God, you need to reveal it to me. And I was going through that. Well,
then when you were saying something a little while ago about surrendering the pen. Yeah.
It was like, I'm sorry, it was like, that's exactly I that that was what it was because
I was in church on Sunday. And I think what's happened was I got really comfortable with being
single in my own house. There's I have a lot of peace. I have a lot of joy. I've been feeling
really good. And I'm like, do I really want to go back out there and start dating and have that
all come back into my life? Like right now, you're completely doing well. I'm doing you know,
I feel at peace. I feel close. You know, I am feeling close to God. And I'm like, do I really
need a man in my life, but I know that I want a partner in my life. So anyway, my voice is kind of
sore. I was at a baseball game. And I was cheering. My voice is a little messed up today.
But anyway, I get it. Yeah. So then I anyway, I went to church and the whole sermon was about
well, the one of the things was discomfort can cause us to be
discomfort causes us to be God dependent, which allows him to do great things in our life. And
I was really like I was feeling really comfortable in my singleness and being here at my own home and
not having that. But then, you know, they were saying God's willing to do anything if you're
willing to be uncomfortable. And that's just it stepping into the dating makes me very uncomfortable.
So I was like, Okay, I need to be that God does significant things when we're in discomfort,
because he, you know, and that we have to surrender to him and be God defended, which I,
you know, I keep hearing over and over. And I know that that's true. So my hope is that this week,
I'm going to get on those dating apps, I'm going to at least get on Facebook dating, I'm going to
do it, I'm going to just keep claiming God's promises, and it's gonna allow me to hit that button
to start it. I think you're gonna experience a lot of breakthrough when you do.
This is good. I think this is this is really good release for you. I think you know, you're
allowing yourself to be vulnerable. And, you know, and I think even Lori's even responding,
like she can relate. There's so many women in here that actually relate to that.
Especially, you know, for those of us that have been single for a little a little while, I relate
to that because I was single for over seven years when I joined this program. And I got comfortable
with it. And so and but God spoke to me same way that he's speaking to all of you and you brought
up and I say this frequently, you know, God just resonated with me. And it's so funny. I remember
I was at a new church and I was praying and worshiping and God spoke this very clearly to me.
And I didn't even realize that what he said is would carry through what I'm doing now with all
of you women. And it was get comfortable being uncomfortable. And that's like you hear that and
it's not what you want to hear from God. But there was like a piece that surpasses all understanding
when he said it. That this is a time ladies where it's going to get uncomfortable,
but get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Because just like Kim said,
it's in that discomfort that we really actually lean on him more. And that's really what he's
desiring. When we lean into him, that's where the full healing really can come about. And
I would encourage you, Kim, like in this process, start journaling or praying or maybe, yeah,
I don't know if you're a journaler, but write down what are the fears about letting someone
in your home, letting someone in your world, what thoughts and fears are surfacing? What
about it and start seeing what gets revealed there because there's gonna be
healing in that. I was the same way, the thought of having to trust someone
was really scary because my experience in a relationship was that I couldn't
trust anybody. There was every single person I was in a relationship at some
point let me down and they let me down because something that I felt like I did
and so there was healing that needed to take place and I'm even now in marriage
and realizing there's deeper healing that needs to go with that lie and fear
that I had and so it's just gonna take you to that next level. That's why I love
that you know we've been talking a little bit more about heart work in this
session because it does show up in the dating so I want you to spend time pray
meditate you know what what are the what are the anxious thoughts and feelings
where the core beliefs to the fear about being open to dating again what does
that look like what what what's fearful about it and then there you can start
breaking down those lies by putting God's truth in it. Okay I appreciate it
like all of this brought the answer you know even clearer today so I really do
appreciate it. I love it I love it see I love it we get so much breakthrough when
we come here we share we get vulnerable like it's good. All right Lori.
All right so I had I had put up a profile on Arc and like nothing like I
was like it are my peers bad or like it's still a new it's still a new app so
that's possible okay don't don't be discouraged with that it's still fairly
new because it's and so you're not gonna have as many people on it when it's
fairly new but just but like there was a guy actually in my area I was
surprised but so I like sent a note but then didn't hear anything back but also
I'm not I wasn't gonna pay like yeah I was gonna wait and see if something
happened before I paid you know so I was encouraged do some of the free ones
first and get like a feel for them and then and then see so then I did a
Facebook app just did the Facebook one and so I've got I actually have a
couple conversations started so one one conversation the guy lives really close
like really close right next town a couple couple towns over and I don't
know if he's a Christian or not but and I don't know if he'll even want to meet
me or anything it's just like texting right now but on his on his on his thing
one of his things about dating is how do you like to date or whatever he's like
one at a time so I was like and I know for us it's kind of like we're in
discovery and like we don't go exclusive or anything at the beginning so like how
would I even if it even ends up being well a couple things I do want to
encourage you to drop the hanky I don't want you to stay texting and messaging a
whole bunch don't do it past a week if it's been a week I want to encourage you
to throw out the why don't we meet in person let's get together okay I know
that can sound scary but you definitely want real-life dates and then you can
learn a little bit more about him we coach for you all not to throw all your
eggs in one basket and there's a lot of reasons that we do that is because women
we can get very emotionally attached we put all our eggs in one basket and then
if it doesn't work out then we get super disappointed and discouraged and so we
want to take the pressure off the whole dating experience and saying okay I'm
gonna take this one person and I'm seeing if he's husband material like we
just want you practicing the light easy get to know you do I enjoy being around
this person and so we're open to the fact that we don't have to force it all
on one person and we've got a couple conversations going or open to still
getting to know people so then that way if it kind of doesn't fall if it falls
through after like oh it's it's going great
for two or three days and then all of a sudden
you don't hear from them as frequently,
you're not so hung up on the ghosting.
I told you before you left.
But you are...
If he's drooling, he needs to eat.
Open to, there might be a possibility of somebody else.
Like, you see, like there's just a flow.
There's a better flow of that if you're not doing it,
you know, all on one person.
Just because we coach that here doesn't mean
that men are gonna sign up for that same philosophy, okay?
Remember, the men that you're meeting on these apps
probably are not even aware of Jackie and her program.
So, and we've gotten into a world where
dating more than one person is considered bad
because they're cheaters or players.
Well, that's only happening if you're
laying in bed with those people
and slopping saliva with them.
Like, that's when it's like,
but if you're not doing that, which is why we encourage
you're not having physical romantic contact with somebody
in these, you know, people that you're dating,
then you're not tied to anybody.
But just because we believe that
doesn't necessarily mean other guys
that you're dating are on that.
So here's the thing, if it works for him
to only focus on one person at a time,
that's his boundary that he set for himself.
But you're not obligated to come on board
and do what he does, all right?
Does that help?
So you don't even, if he asks you like,
hey, are you dating other people?
You'd be like, well, I'm on the app.
I'm using this opportunity to get to know other people.
Okay.
And then if they're like,
well, I wanna be in an exclusive relationship with you,
because guys will do that too,
especially I find that happens a lot of time with older men,
is they're just ready to be in an exclusive relationship.
So maybe even after one date, or I mean,
I've had women share, like they haven't even met in person
and the guy wants to know if they want to be exclusive.
And it's like, I haven't even met you in person.
How is that even a thing?
So I do see that tends to happen with older men,
like especially if they'd been married before
or they're widowed,
like they just want a companion.
They don't wanna do all of the dating
and dating sites and stuff like that.
So, but just because they throw that out there,
you get to decide what works for you
and you get to take it at the pace
that you're comfortable with.
And any masculine man is going to honor your boundaries.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
Awesome.
I have another question, but I'll put it in the chat.
Okay. Yeah.
Let's put it in the chat.
Yeah. Ladies that had second questions,
I'm probably not gonna get to you.
So if you put it in the chat real quick,
I can try to answer it before we jump off.
And then I have Sandy and Sandy,
and I think you posted something
and I have not gotten to your response.
Is that what you're asking about?
Kind of.
So I wanted to know, I know I posted about it,
but it's a little bit on that kind of,
did you read it?
Do you remember?
I don't remember it.
I can pull it up right now so that you don't have to.
It was about that dream.
And then I told my friend and she was like,
I think he's just a distraction.
And I'm like struggling with that
because of what we talked about last week.
Remember?
Okay.
Dream interpretations.
Okay. Sorry.
I was trying to read a little bit
and listen to you at the same time and I'm not.
I can just say it super fast.
Do you want me to say it super fast?
So the dream interpretation,
those are things that I encourage you ladies
to kind of go to the Lord
with asking for dream interpretations.
Bethany is a little bit more prophetically in tune
to giving dream interpretations,
but she's not always able to do it.
I will respond to that,
but then let's kind of dive in a little bit more
as far as how this is involving what your friend said.
Yeah.
So I feel like I'm in a place right now
where I'm really trying to do the healing
of like what you said last week.
So I've noticed this week that the theme
of like what's been highlighted
based off what we talked about last week
is that I feel like I messed up a lot in my past.
And so I'm like almost so afraid of like messing up again.
Like I feel like, oh,
I've got no more time left to mess up anymore.
Like I literally have to get it together
and just do what God wants,
but it's causing like this almost anxiety
to not want to like move forward with anything.
Cause I'm like, I don't know,
I need like almost like I'm wanting God
to give me step-by-step play-by-play instructions,
which is.
probably kind of crazy. Um, and I, and when I pray about it, I feel like I'm just getting like
where he's wanting me to relax and chill out. And I understand that. Um, so with this guy at church,
um, he's made an effort to come talk to me on multiple occasions where I'm like serving,
I'm doing whatever I'm doing. And he makes his way over to find me to talk to me. And then after,
if I get pulled away or something, then he just leaves like at the end of service, like he doesn't
talk to anybody else talks to me. So I was like, okay, I think there might be interest. Okay. I'm
not sure. I'm kind of like, I feel like dating blind where I can't tell if it's done because
it's been like, I don't know, seven and a half, eight years that I've been single. So I don't know
like the social, is he just friendly at church or does he like me? I had like, there was VBS last
week. So that's why I lost my voice. Cause I was later at VBS glitter on my arm. I had glitter on
my arms. Cause I was like helping the kids get all rallying. I had all this glitter and he came
up to me and was like, Oh, I like the glitter on your arms. I gave him a glow stick. It sounds so
high school, but we were around high school kids. So I feel like I was going to say, I think he's
probably interested in you. He's just not sure if you're interested in him. So I would say,
go drop the hanky and go say, Hey, let's get together. I gave him a glow stick. That was me
dropping the hanky. I don't know. Yes, but okay. Andy, I'm going to be, I won't be real with you.
Sometimes men just don't get it. Okay. So the first, the first, he was there on Thursday.
He talked to me, we were blushing like kids. And then I got pulled away. He texted me. I didn't
remember that we had each other's numbers from like years ago. He texted me. It's the first time
I was like, Oh my gosh, he's texting me. But then I replied and then he didn't reply again.
So I was like, Oh, so then we talked again Friday. It was weird. I gave him the glow stick.
I think you're going to have to be really clear with him and just be like, Hey,
what are your plans this weekend? Do you want to go putt putt? Do you want to go axe throwing? Go
find an activity and be like, let's go do this. Are you interested? Are you free this weekend?
You're going to have to be very clear with him. I texted him first on Saturday
and flirted a little, and then he didn't text back. He wasn't even at church on Sunday. So I'm
like, I don't want to feel pushy. I feel like that's my default is to do it for the guy.
I feel like my default is to be like, look, what's going on? Do you want to go on a date? Yay or nay.
But this time I'm wanting to really like lean into like the divine feminine and just let him
do it. But he's, I don't know, I can't. Here's the thing. Okay. Yes. We want to lean into the
divine feminine, but what we also coaches here is dropping the hanky. You have to be very clear
with these guys that you're interested. And sometimes it's a, Hey, let's get together.
I had to do that several times when I was in this program, I had to initiate the first, like, look,
I want you to take me out on a date. I'm free this weekend. Let's get together after that.
Then that's when you want to see them reciprocate it and initiate things after so that you can see,
okay, are they, are after a first date, do they want to continue to get to know me that you want
there to be that interest there? Yeah. I, I think, and one thing that I really felt in my spirit
is, you know, you were, we were talking about just this, not wanting to mess things up. I think
what is going to be really helpful for you is pulling triggers and just going for it,
going for things, doing things, and then just, it will help you realize that you're not messing
everything up. Don't hold back out of fear of not doing things and not being obedient. Just
walk in faith and step into those situations and scenarios, whatever it is, like,
I want you to start stepping into decisions,
even if it feels blind, and then I think more will be revealed.
Well, even if like a friend says it's a distraction, I was like, that's kind of like,
everything can't be a distraction. And I felt, I said, if it was,
well, that's what I'm saying. We have to, we have to be careful of who we're listening to.
Yeah, that's true. Okay. I mean, your friends are going to, like, even some of my friends,
I like, wouldn't go to them for everything. Like I have one friend who's like,
one friend who I really do know, she will be very honest when she hears Holy Spirit.
Even sometimes, she's the one friend that will tell me things that I don't want to
here, and I practiced it. I mean, she was one that prophetically spoke about my relationship
and what that would kind of look like, and I just disregarded it. But then when it happened,
I mean, again, it was like, okay, Holy Spirit's totally on this. We have to be very careful
of who we're listening to, okay? That's why I don't say just go to one person. I say you go
to many, like a couple different people, and you have this community here. So when it comes to
dating stuff, I would encourage you to put your focus on the coaches and the women here
and trust that process. And here's the thing, if it is a distraction and if it's not God, then
we can navigate that. We can process through it. Because here's the thing, sometimes
God is going to have you maybe even date people that you're not supposed to date, but
that are not your spirit mate, because there's a deeper growing that needs to come inside of you,
and it's going to be some of the people that are not your spirit mate that's going to get you there
in preparation for your spirit mate. Does that make sense? Yeah. So I want you to get comfortable
getting uncomfortable, okay? And that uncomfort is going to be stepping out and just making
decisions. Okay. Okay. Drop the hanky with this guy. Let's see where it goes.
I mean, it just sounds like he's just really not clued in or he's probably like if he's like,
so like, oh my gosh, this girl's amazing. And he's just like, she's so wonderful. Look how
beautiful she is. I don't even know if she's going to be interested in me in that way.
He's probably like really nervous. So inconsistent though. It's like when I gave him the break,
the glow stick, he came back after service and was like, here's your glow stick back. I was like,
what are you doing? What do you mean? Did you say that to me? Like, don't be a ding dong.
Just don't like me. Got it. I can take it. And he was like, no, I want the bracelet,
but I want it back. And I was like, no, you don't. Yeah. I like that. Like have some of that
interaction with it. It just sounds like he's really, he's, he's probably a little unsure of
himself. Not really sure. Just again, it doesn't hurt to go on a date. Yeah. I think he's flirting
too. He's probably flirting. He probably didn't expect me to get my feelings hurt when he brought
it back. I think he used it as an excuse to talk to me and I was like, wow, that's what I'm saying.
So that's not like, just, just have fun with it. Get to know him. If something comes of it,
great. If nothing comes of it, great. Like you're, you're stepping into a new season. You're,
you're practicing your dating skills. You're, you're practicing like this, you know, God's
showing you that you're not messing anything up. Yeah. I really think God just wants to show you,
look, there's nothing that you're going to do that. You're going to mess things up so bad
that I can't come in and help. Yeah. All right. We're a little bit over, but Lori,
can we be short, brief and powerful so I can get to you? I know you kind of jumped in and
threw your hand up, but I want to make sure I get to you. Yeah. I brought this up on last week's call
and I can bring it up again. Cause I was actually going to go to tonight's, but decided just to jump
on. But there's a guy that I went to BSSM with and had like really didn't have, I guess if I'm
going to make it really short, Ebony said to reach out to him. So he, I would say he's acquaintance.
He was friends with a housemate when I was out at BSSM. But as far as getting a, you know, a
conversation, just reaching out and saying, Hey, how's things going in your world? I guess at what
point would I say, I mean, would you have a couple of those? I'm still, I'm still stuck.
Do you have already reached out to him? Well, see, I, I look, I've, I pop up some of his stories
and I accidentally posted, I have no idea how I did this. I'm glad that I'm able to think that
this is really funny, but I apps accidentally clicked on somehow some avatar of me with fire
in her eyes. I don't even know if I could find this, but Oh my gosh. Like, it's like, I think
it's actually really funny. Cause it broke things off me because I, I laughed, you know, kind of
awkwardly hysterically, but the fact that I was able to, you know, reach out and go, Oh my gosh,
I have no idea where she came from. But then it's like, you know, people can see when you look at
their stories. Yeah. So, you know, it's like, I can see who looks at my story. So he, he
you if he pays any attention, who's looking at his stories.
But I said, oh, I hope you're well.
And then he asked, hey, where are you at?
OK.
So yeah.
And then if there's some, hey, where are you at?
And then you tell him, be like, hey,
is he fairly close to you locally?
No, he's out in California, and I'm in Michigan.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's going to be a little trickier.
You can maybe ask him, like, hey, are you?
Let me ask you this.
Have you seen Fire Eyed Girl?
No, I have not seen.
But I do want to go through my emojis and look for her.
Have you gotten any more?
Yeah, you can say that.
Absolutely.
Like, hey, so anybody have any more Fire Eyed Girl emojis?
And so yeah, drop that out there.
And then Lori, are you able to go out to California
anytime soon?
Are you planning any trips out there?
Where are you?
OK.
That's where it's going to get tricky.
Yeah, I don't, because it's hard.
Because you can't ask him out, like, hey,
we should get together.
Because you all are.
Hey, do you want to go for a coffee?
Yeah.
Or do you want to meet up on Zoom for a coffee?
You could do that, honestly.
Like, hey, why don't we catch up on a Zoom call?
Would you be cool with that?
But catch up isn't even appropriate.
Because we just knew of each other, really.
He had it in for my housemate.
OK, so he was interested in your housemate?
Yeah, and he's seven years younger.
And she was 10 years younger than him.
So my thought is, I just thought, oh, he's interested.
But you know, you just never know.
I just see great qualities in him.
If you can keep it going and see, I would see.
OK, if you keep it going, and then maybe throw it out there
one more time.
And then if he doesn't ever reach back out,
then I think you get your answer that he's just not
interested in starting anything up.
Because here's the thing.
If he's not even looking at dating,
he might not even be, like, if you're in Michigan.
He was in the singles group I was in.
OK, so he's single.
But well, maybe you can ask that.
Like, how is everything going with being single?
How's that working for you?
Feels.
I mean, this is where it's tricky,
because you guys are long distance.
And it's you showing interest in him.
And he hasn't really initiated anything with you.
So that's where you'd have to kind of be dropping
little breadcrumbs there just to say,
hey, you're getting yourself in front of him.
And then see if he picks up those breadcrumbs
and actually starts reaching out.
But I don't want to see you constantly trying
to get in front of him.
Yeah, it feels awkward to me.
It feels forceful, where it's not genuine coming
from his interest.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, I mean, we messaged back and forth
a few times after that.
But you're really going to want to see that he's initiated.
He asked.
Yeah, I thought I liked your post.
I have no idea where that fiery eyed girl came from.
Oh my, hope you're well.
Then he put a crack up emoji.
And then doing great things, still in Reading yourself.
And I said, oh, great to hear.
I'm back home in Michigan loving being by the water.
And he said, oh, nice, high five.
I just liked that because he didn't
ask me another question.
Yeah, I think even, I mean, he was even asking,
oh, are you still in Reading?
I think that could have been more of an open door
where you could have, if you were,
then you would initiate a meet up.
But if he knows that you're in Michigan,
then if he's not even, if he's dating and interested
in dating, we don't even know if he's opened a long distance.
Right.
And that's where it's tricky.
Like, he knows of you.
I mean, you could probably message like, so,
are you still single?
How is that working for you?
And then he could give you feedback.
And you can express like, I'm in this community.
And maybe even just introduce him to this group or something
and see what kind of comes of it from there.
But it's really, there's a, it's, it's, you're not, it's not in a territory where it sounds like you're on his radar because you're in Michigan and he's in California.
Okay.
But I don't think, I mean, if you want to kind of, you know, practice some of the flirting and the talking, you could do that.
Um, but I wouldn't put all your energy in this one person.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
I feel like he could have come back around and asked another question if he was interested.
If he was interested.
And that's what I'm saying.
I mean, him, you just even saying, no, I'm back in Michigan might've for him been like a, okay.
What, like, where does that go?
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, I think so.
Okay.
All right.
Well, ladies, it's been a pleasure.
I'm so happy y'all came and I know we went a little over, but I think we had lots of really good shares.
Continue to keep doing that each week.
Um, you can jump on tonight's call as well with Ebony.
I know there's typically a lot more women on that call.
Um, so if you did get to ask a question, um, please leave space for the other women that were not on today's, um, one o'clock call to ask questions.
But by all means, if there's time and you have more questions that you want Ebony to help unpack with you, definitely do so.
Um, I'm going to quickly go through.
I know.
Uh, I don't think, is she still on here?
I think Julia had to jump off.
I know Lisa, I saw her saying, um, she had asked in the community, so I will go and check that in the next day or two.
Um, Julia, we just wanted to know if things should be, if she should be initiating things with people, I've responded accordingly to how they communicate.
Some of them though, I don't want to meet in person.
So is it okay to just not contact them for further?
Yeah, ladies.
That's always a thing.
Like you can initiate things like you can initiate the first, like, you know, contact call or whatever, or drop the hanky.
Like let's, let's, let's meet up or something.
Um, but you definitely want that reciprocation.
Um, doesn't mean that only men can be the ones like reaching out to you first.
Like you can also initiate first if you feel led to.
Um, but if you don't want to meet the person, it's okay to just kind of let it fall off.
And level one, it's not really ghosting someone.
If you really haven't had a date, does that make sense?
Like you're going to get interested in people and then they're going to get interested in it.
Sometimes it's just out of sight, out of mind.
So I don't feel like you have to give an exclamation, an explanation to every single guy.
Like, Hey, I don't see this going anywhere.
I mean, you just are not super interested and that's okay.
Like guys will kind of fall off and not contact you in the app and you might fall off and not contact them.
Um, Lisa, that's a good question.
Do you initiate the in-person date or do we let them do that after a video call?
I think it can be either or.
We don't want you always initiating the dates.
So what I mean by that is you can drop the hanky and say, Hey, let's get together.
Let's get a video call.
Or I had a lot of fun on this video chat.
Why don't we meet in person?
Are you free this weekend?
You can throw that out there and then let them decide after the first in-person date, you want them to initiate the second date.
But that doesn't mean that you don't clue them in that you're interested in a second date, but you let them come to you and say, Hey, let's get together on this day or this date.
Like that's for the second one.
Does that make sense?
I feel like I just, maybe it was a little unclear.
So first date you can initiate after the call, let them know this was fun.
Why don't we do this in person?
You can say that after the first in-person date, if you still, if you had a good time and you enjoyed their time and you would like to see them again, let them know.
You might let them know at the end of the date, but then follow up with a message or a call.
Hey, it was really fun going bowling with you last night.
We definitely should get, get together again.
Let me know if you're interested and then let them say, okay, I'm free next weekend.
How does that work?
Do you want to go out to dinner?
Oh, great.
That would be wonderful.
Any idea of where you'd want to go?
Like having that just reciprocated effort.
Does that make sense?
And I don't know if Julia is still on there,
but hopefully she listens to the end and replay
or she might message in the app
and I can reiterate that to her there.
Okay, ladies, I'm gonna cut this off
because we're definitely way, way over,
but I look forward to seeing y'all in the app,
letting us know what you're gonna be intentional
about this week and don't be shy in the app.
Let us know what's happening, okay?
Talk to you girls later.