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good good it is good to see all of y'all come on in the room i hope you guys have been having a

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good week yes yes good day good hey heaven is this your first time with us you and if it's

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your first time yeah it is who else is this your first time how do you say your name is it karishma

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yeah yeah so heaven karishma who else anyone else raise their hand for this being your first time

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no well this i am ebony last name jones you see my name on there i live in austin texas i am the

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8 p.m coach so anytime you come on it will 7 p.m eastern time anytime you come on i'll do

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the nightly session carla does the 1 p.m session you can always come to both sessions it's up to

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you we are so happy to have you in phase two and we are ready to get you going on some dates we

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are ready to process with you because you just come out of hard work and guess what you're gonna

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be getting triggered left and right not just on dates but from people all around you and so i said

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that to say this to you this coaching session you come in here it's all about you it's not about if

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you have a date it's about you so whatever area in your life that you are processing through that's

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what we want you to bring to the table um and so it does you it's not just if you're dating

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you be sure and all of you ladies that you're watching the videos um because they're going to

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really help you on the journey and it's really good information it's really good it's what you

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need it's what you pay for and so we want you to get it um and so we want you to pace yourselves

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try to do one video a week in whatever aha moments you have go ahead and post them in the community

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anytime you experience something that you learn from the coaching from the video go ahead and post

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that as well and so we say one one video a week you don't have to be speedy gonzalez if you've not

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got to the video where it tells you about the seven-day challenge don't let it scare you

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there's a seven-day challenge but it doesn't mean you gotta have seven days before you move on to a

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different community or it doesn't mean you have to have seven days to be in this part of the program

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it's just an encouragement to get those dates because in this phase we are dating for discovery

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all right if you have those of you it's your first time joining us have you gotten to watch any videos

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yet no what about you haven't um i watched the kickoff but i haven't watched dating 101 yet

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okay i will spill all the beans i'll let you watch them they are absolutely amazing um but

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definitely before you if you're not familiar with online dating maybe you will be maybe you won't be

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but you definitely want to watch online dating and you definitely want to watch dating 101 because

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it kind of lays out for you some of the boundaries that we have um in different phases that's going

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to help you date well it's going to help you get to know people well and it's going to help you

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enjoy the process of dating differently this time all right okay um let's see for this is a few

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little housekeeping we don't post anything from outside uh sources without admin approving it

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first and the reason why we don't do that it may be encouraging however it may not be something that

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admin has had an opportunity to look at we do that for the safety of the entire group

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to make sure that the information that all of our sisters are getting is safe for their hearts um

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let's see you guys something we've done in the past that we don't want you to do going forth

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is saving the zoom link because they're going to start changing up and so what happened is just

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go into events each time and make it a habit of clicking on the zoom link for this session

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because if you yeah because it's going to switch up that's the best way to put it and i don't want

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you to not get in the session because you didn't know that it's going to switch up um brief reminder

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um that we do not have an admin email but we can take personal coaching questions on that email so

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if you have we don't have an admin email but if you have personal coaching questions

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we can take it on that email we will be offering one-on-one coaching sessions for additional costs

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with several of our amazing coaches at lys when that gets launched an email will be sent out

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if you ever have any technical difficulties all you have to do is go up to where it says support

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and then you should be able to drop a support ticket there to get help if there's something

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that you need to get help with and then we'll be able to get you there.

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beyond that, or you can't get any assistance, please post in the community and we will answer

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you and help you as best possible. And I think that's all of my announcements. How did we do

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last week? Who practiced some of their morning meditation, prayers, worship instead of worry?

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And for you ladies, this is your first time on. We decided to open up our mornings,

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as Lauren did, open up our mornings a little bit different, putting ourselves in alignment with

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the Lord, meaning like, hey, you know, hey, Father, I'm here, five minutes of prayer.

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Or some people decide to, okay, I see you, Steph, and instead of worrying, every time they worry,

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they will worship, read scriptures, make some declarations over yourself, just bringing

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yourself into connection and alignment. One of the best things that Father God does is he invests

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in us first. And I know that we're in this program because we want a husband, and we believe, and we

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know from the results of this program that we see kingdom marriages all the time, and we are

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absolutely convinced that you're going to have a marriage. So there's no doubt in our mind, because

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we see it too much not to know that to be true. However, and is not a but, is and the greatest

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investment starts in you. God is more concerned about you than he is about marriage, because you

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are the one going to be in the marriage. There is no marriage without you. Marriage does not exist

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without two people. And so, because of that, you are the greatest investment, and everything you do

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in this program invests in you first. And out of you comes all the wonder of a beautiful kingdom

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marriage that you can truly be in until death do you part. Sounds good?

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Yeah. All right. So let me see.

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If you haven't listened to Supernatural Saturday, we encourage you to listen to Supernatural Saturday,

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because it's really good, and we want you to post in the community on the wall anything. Well,

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you're going to learn so much, because it's always so good, right? But you're going to post how it

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applies to your life, what you're working on from Supernatural Saturday. And yeah, we want you guys

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to do that. All right. You know, I have to get through all my little notes here, because it's

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not printed out, so it listens a lot different. I mean, when I look at it on the phone, it's a

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lot different for me. Oh, the question from Supernatural Saturday. Is Saturday up online?

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I'm not sure, Shelly, but you can check it out and see. I want you guys to answer this question.

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You could put it in the chat, or you can unmute and share. So I want you to answer the question.

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It says, how are you going to shift from waiting mode to believing and receiving mode? Now, if you

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heard Supernatural Saturday, you would know that this was a thing that Jackie talked about. But

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let's talk about waiting, receiving, and believing. Waiting means I'm going to get an Amazon package

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with a man in it. He's going to say to me, I am your husband, because the Lord has said for you

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and I to be together. There's no other person on the planet Earth that you could be with besides me.

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Oh, that's waiting mode. Or waiting mode is an angel's going to show up, and he's going to say,

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Hark! All you hear, ye hear you. The heaven has decided that Scott is going to marry John. Here

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is John. He is an engineer, and he makes $180,000 a year. You don't have to work, Scott,

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because everything is going to be great. He speaks in tongues. He has mentors. He is prophetic.

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He is a minister. He works all day, and he's still at home being an amazing man. He doesn't get tired.

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Or the difference, so we have our waiting phase. Something's going to happen without me working,

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or investing, I'd rather say. And then what's the other? How are we shifting from waiting mode to

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believing and receiving? To believe is what you're doing right now, believe it or not. Even though I

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made a joke, even if you are waiting, you are still believing, because you wouldn't be in this

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program if you didn't believe. I don't care how discouraged you get, you still believe something

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is the reason why you show up. And then how do we receive? Sometimes receiving can be the most

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challenging. Why? Because it looks like this. Somebody tries to talk to you, and you nitpick

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them apart. That's our receiving phase. Now, I'm not saying take any straggler that comes alone,

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but I'm saying that we're not nitpicking men apart, because we're in a receiving mode. We're

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believed for something. We've come to the place where we can receive a date,

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so that we can go out and discover ourselves. And you keep turning it all the way.

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But somehow in your mind, you believe

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that you're going to receive a husband when he comes along.

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Ha.

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The only thing is, he has to come in the package

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that you've already pre-planned in your mind probably

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a very, very long time ago.

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And so now you've positioned yourself not to receive,

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because everything that comes your way, you kick it back.

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Right?

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So what are some ways we can shift?

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Find what mode you're in and share how you can shift from,

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what was it, waiting, believing, receiving.

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How do you personally think you, if you're in the waiting,

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how can you shift from waiting to believing?

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If you're in believing, how can you shift

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from believing to receiving?

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Evaluate you on your journey.

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And if it's nothing, I don't have anything.

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But if it's something, certainly post it.

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Or you can unmute and say it.

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Go for it, Hannah.

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I think the biggest thing that I'm learning

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is taking action, because I probably in the past

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was the one that, oh, it'll just happen.

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He brings so many good things, the right job,

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the right opportunity.

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He's just going to put it in my lap.

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And at 37, that hasn't happened, right?

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So I'm honestly, I was teasing a family member the other night.

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But I'm like, I am treating this like my job.

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Partnering with God, of course.

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But I mean, really making it a priority

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to go out and meet people and discover,

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OK, could this be a good fit?

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And then also being very open to it.

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So there's been a huge heart shift.

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But it's only come through being very intentional

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and taking action.

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Joining this program, going through all the hard work,

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striking up conversations with people, going on dates.

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So it's not like it's just falling into my lap here.

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So it's partnering with God and taking

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action versus just sitting on a country road.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, Hannah, that was really good.

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That was really, really good.

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I can't even add to that.

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That was so good, what you just said.

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All of it was so good.

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That was so good.

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OK, go for it, Sky.

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Yeah, kind of similar to what Hannah said.

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I think just partnering with the Lord

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and allowing myself to get to know men

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that I wouldn't otherwise typically

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date and just enjoying the process and learning

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and then taking the time to process.

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For example, maybe dating a guy that's

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shorter than I would have normally dated.

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And then, oh, he's great.

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He has so many good qualities.

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Why am I nitpicking the little things?

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And I'm not even tall.

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I'm short.

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So everybody's tall compared to me.

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But just enjoying the process and putting myself out there

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and making time, making room.

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Because I can make myself too busy too quickly.

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And just allowing the season to be about me,

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like what you were saying, allowing God to bless me.

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That's good.

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That's really good, Sky.

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You guys are on it.

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Come on, Megan.

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Hey, yeah, I feel like lately I've just

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been thinking about the whole concept of waiting,

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which Jackie has hit on in some of her books.

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And just when she talks about that,

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how it's having this hopeful expectation.

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And it's a preparation.

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It's not this passive thing, which

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I feel like the other ladies were kind of talking about.

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It's a partnership, of course.

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There's a balance with it, trusting the Lord,

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but also a partnership and expectantly hoping for that.

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And so not getting hung up on things that don't work out.

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I mean, I feel like there is a little bit of you

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have to kind of grieve through some disappointments and stuff

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and work through it.

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But just keep moving along, knowing that I

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want to keep hoping that God, the man's on the way,

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like you've said before, too.

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And not getting hung up on, yeah,

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the ones that aren't working.

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And then something else she had written in one of the books

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about just looking through a lens of hope and expectancy.

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And so that's kind of been on the forefront of my mind,

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and that whole concept of believing to receive it.

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And so I think some of that's the mindset.

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And it's helped me to be more at peace that God's got it.

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But just really, truly believing that, you know,

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just not saying.

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being stuck, just continuing to look through that lens of hope

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and expectancy, basically.

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Yeah, that's so good, Megan.

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Thank you for sharing.

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Yeah, thanks.

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Yeah, you're welcome.

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Y'all are on it tonight.

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It's so good.

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Let us be grabbing some of these ideas.

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Whatever phase you're in, all of them

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have just said something that will take you

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from one phase to the next.

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Go ahead, Stephanie Davis.

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Played in well.

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How to learn.

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Start back over, Stephanie.

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We didn't hear the first few words.

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No, how to wait well.

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That's my thing.

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For the last, not the last one, but the week

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before Supernatural, from my watch that one,

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or listen to it, that has changed me totally

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in a different way that I never expected.

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And so the process of while you're waiting,

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the things you need to work on, the things

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you need to do to wait to while you're waiting,

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I like things right now.

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I like it snappy.

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And God has been teaching me that it's not like that.

228
00:16:09.720 --> 00:16:11.760
One of the biggest thing he taught me

229
00:16:11.760 --> 00:16:16.760
was with Sarah and Agar is how that waiting season was

230
00:16:16.760 --> 00:16:19.880
like when they had to wait for that child of promise.

231
00:16:19.880 --> 00:16:23.040
And he's like, if you rush the process,

232
00:16:23.040 --> 00:16:26.680
you would end up with an issue if you don't wait well.

233
00:16:26.680 --> 00:16:28.320
And so that's what I've been doing.

234
00:16:28.320 --> 00:16:29.720
I don't like it.

235
00:16:29.720 --> 00:16:32.120
I wish he would drop the guy at the door

236
00:16:32.120 --> 00:16:36.160
and ring the doorbell with a paper and say, here he is.

237
00:16:36.160 --> 00:16:37.680
And I say, OK, great.

238
00:16:37.680 --> 00:16:40.120
I just put on my shoes, and we go downstairs,

239
00:16:40.120 --> 00:16:42.640
and then we get married, and then we come back upstairs.

240
00:16:42.640 --> 00:16:44.800
But that's not the case.

241
00:16:44.800 --> 00:16:47.240
There are things that he has to like broom inside of me.

242
00:16:47.240 --> 00:16:49.280
There are things he's working through with me.

243
00:16:49.280 --> 00:16:51.520
And I like to focus.

244
00:16:51.520 --> 00:16:54.760
Even though I'm doing this program, I run a business,

245
00:16:54.760 --> 00:16:57.000
and my focus is so much on that business.

246
00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:58.760
And this is like a side hustle.

247
00:16:58.760 --> 00:17:02.440
The last thing is like a side hustle for me.

248
00:17:02.440 --> 00:17:04.560
So I have to learn to balance that

249
00:17:04.560 --> 00:17:08.280
and to make sure I'm totally balanced and be present in it.

250
00:17:08.280 --> 00:17:10.280
So that's what I've been doing, yeah.

251
00:17:10.280 --> 00:17:13.359
Yeah, that's awesome.

252
00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:14.520
That's really good, ladies.

253
00:17:14.520 --> 00:17:17.319
You guys, everything y'all said is good.

254
00:17:17.319 --> 00:17:21.079
And whichever place you find yourself in, if you're waiting,

255
00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:27.280
let's wait well, meaning investing in yourself.

256
00:17:27.280 --> 00:17:30.600
Anytime you invest in yourself, you never feel stagnant.

257
00:17:30.600 --> 00:17:33.680
I'm going to give you a real simple example.

258
00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:36.240
Whenever I've set out, so my health journey

259
00:17:36.240 --> 00:17:38.080
is a big part of my life.

260
00:17:38.080 --> 00:17:42.800
But there's not one time that when I eat healthy or exercise

261
00:17:42.800 --> 00:17:45.400
that I ever feel like I'm fat anymore.

262
00:17:45.400 --> 00:17:46.960
Some people don't like the word fat.

263
00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:50.000
Maybe we can say the word overweight.

264
00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:54.000
But I've never, no matter what, I've been close to 400 pounds

265
00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:55.800
and now I'm 230 pounds.

266
00:17:55.800 --> 00:17:57.680
I'm telling you, at whatever stage

267
00:17:57.680 --> 00:18:02.200
I was in, when I gave my body the highest quality of food,

268
00:18:02.200 --> 00:18:06.080
when I moved my body because it was created to be moved,

269
00:18:06.080 --> 00:18:08.600
never with an agenda to lose weight

270
00:18:08.600 --> 00:18:11.880
because I had to reshape my thinking about food and health.

271
00:18:11.880 --> 00:18:14.000
But when I did that, I never looked in the mirror

272
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:16.240
and said, oh, you too big.

273
00:18:16.240 --> 00:18:17.960
I never criticized myself.

274
00:18:17.960 --> 00:18:18.480
Why?

275
00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:21.520
Because I was investing in myself

276
00:18:21.520 --> 00:18:25.080
to produce the best version of myself.

277
00:18:25.080 --> 00:18:27.040
And I have not experienced in my life,

278
00:18:27.040 --> 00:18:32.480
and I'm 42, a time when I've invested in me and felt stuck.

279
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:36.080
Because there was something happening on the inside.

280
00:18:36.080 --> 00:18:39.280
And what happens on the inside produces something

281
00:18:39.280 --> 00:18:40.600
on the outside.

282
00:18:40.600 --> 00:18:42.800
What happens in your thinking produces

283
00:18:42.800 --> 00:18:46.320
something that you're going to say out loud.

284
00:18:46.320 --> 00:18:47.960
Whatever you're thinking, that's what

285
00:18:47.960 --> 00:18:49.360
you're going to produce out of your mouth.

286
00:18:49.360 --> 00:18:50.960
You're going to say thoughts or you're

287
00:18:50.960 --> 00:18:53.080
going to say things that accompany what you're

288
00:18:53.080 --> 00:18:54.680
thinking about yourself.

289
00:18:54.680 --> 00:18:57.600
Another example, the other day I went into a restaurant

290
00:18:57.600 --> 00:19:02.400
with my friend and this lady kept staring at me.

291
00:19:02.400 --> 00:19:05.920
Now, mind y'all, one of my compression stockings

292
00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:09.240
that I have to wear are really super colorful.

293
00:19:09.240 --> 00:19:11.280
It's like a sock that comes up to my knee.

294
00:19:11.280 --> 00:19:14.000
So I had on short pants, a sock on one leg

295
00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:15.240
that came up to my knee.

296
00:19:15.240 --> 00:19:17.880
The other sock was a footie, so you didn't see it.

297
00:19:17.880 --> 00:19:19.880
And I didn't know I was missing an earring.

298
00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:21.920
So I had these big hoops on.

299
00:19:21.920 --> 00:19:26.320
So when she was staring at me, I said,

300
00:19:26.320 --> 00:19:29.800
I was like, oh, she must be staring at how beautiful I am.

301
00:19:29.800 --> 00:19:31.560
Like, I did make this up.

302
00:19:31.560 --> 00:19:33.040
It was just a thought I had.

303
00:19:33.040 --> 00:19:37.000
I said, she is so amazing, how pretty I am.

304
00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:39.120
So I was sitting there, me and my friend

305
00:19:39.120 --> 00:19:40.920
were talking, it's like 30 minutes late.

306
00:19:40.920 --> 00:19:45.240
And I was like, why didn't you tell me I was missing an earring?

307
00:19:45.280 --> 00:19:51.200
And oh, shoot, I got on one long sock and one short sock.

308
00:19:51.200 --> 00:19:55.680
And I could only imagine that she was thinking like,

309
00:19:55.680 --> 00:19:58.880
where is this circus going to?

310
00:19:58.880 --> 00:20:01.080
Because it was amazing.

311
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.000
Yes, but the things I thought about myself,

312
00:20:05.080 --> 00:20:08.400
like these no insecurities presented itself.

313
00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:09.840
I can tell you there was a time

314
00:20:09.840 --> 00:20:11.280
when I would walk into a space

315
00:20:11.280 --> 00:20:13.160
and I was absolutely convinced

316
00:20:13.160 --> 00:20:16.240
that the only thing a person could see about me was my size.

317
00:20:16.240 --> 00:20:17.960
I don't care, I've been beautiful my whole life.

318
00:20:17.960 --> 00:20:21.240
I never thought that they thought that I was beautiful.

319
00:20:21.240 --> 00:20:24.240
I always contributed everything to my body,

320
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:26.200
to my figure, to my something.

321
00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:28.840
And ladies, we have a tendency to do these things,

322
00:20:28.840 --> 00:20:31.520
but what we meditate on about who we are.

323
00:20:32.360 --> 00:20:35.440
Now in the mirror, when I look, I do see a pleasant face,

324
00:20:35.440 --> 00:20:37.520
but there are so many things now

325
00:20:37.520 --> 00:20:41.680
that when I say that I'm maybe a prize to be had,

326
00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:43.520
it's not just because I'm female.

327
00:20:44.520 --> 00:20:47.840
It really is because of what heaven has invested in me

328
00:20:47.840 --> 00:20:49.600
and what I've partnered with God on

329
00:20:49.600 --> 00:20:51.760
and what I've watched me overcome in life

330
00:20:51.760 --> 00:20:54.400
and how I conquered things with the Lord

331
00:20:54.400 --> 00:20:56.680
and how he's changed my heart

332
00:20:57.680 --> 00:20:59.800
and how I can feel the Holy Spirit pricking my heart

333
00:20:59.800 --> 00:21:02.520
and convicting me and the softening of my heart.

334
00:21:02.520 --> 00:21:03.840
And so now when I show up,

335
00:21:03.840 --> 00:21:07.080
I know that I am a prize to be had by myself

336
00:21:07.080 --> 00:21:09.400
and by my father in heaven.

337
00:21:09.400 --> 00:21:10.720
And so a lot of the thoughts

338
00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:13.600
that used to run through my mind, they just not there.

339
00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:20.440
So just saying, so I don't know what I was saying,

340
00:21:21.320 --> 00:21:23.120
but take that, cause it was good.

341
00:21:23.120 --> 00:21:24.960
Everything you guys shared was good.

342
00:21:25.480 --> 00:21:26.720
Yes, Liz.

343
00:21:30.120 --> 00:21:32.160
No, I'm sorry, not Liz, Felicia.

344
00:21:34.040 --> 00:21:36.240
Oh yeah, I think mine is the,

345
00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:38.840
as we were chatting a little bit before we came on.

346
00:21:38.840 --> 00:21:39.680
Yeah.

347
00:21:39.680 --> 00:21:44.680
Receiving, you know, as you prayed and you're receiving,

348
00:21:45.360 --> 00:21:47.760
I'm not saying all together, it's a discovery,

349
00:21:47.760 --> 00:21:50.960
but you're hearing the things that you have prayed for

350
00:21:51.000 --> 00:21:55.000
and so is the person who I'm talking to.

351
00:21:55.000 --> 00:21:59.080
And I think that's what's getting me in a control

352
00:21:59.080 --> 00:22:04.080
where I want to control it the way I want it, you know.

353
00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:08.160
You know, I want to, you know, it's a huge, huge control.

354
00:22:08.160 --> 00:22:10.800
And I think I'm feeling that pressure of control too.

355
00:22:10.800 --> 00:22:14.360
So that could be a part of what want me to be like,

356
00:22:14.360 --> 00:22:15.760
oh, I'm just overwhelmed.

357
00:22:15.800 --> 00:22:18.680
Is it because of my needs or time,

358
00:22:18.680 --> 00:22:19.760
something like that you asked me,

359
00:22:19.760 --> 00:22:22.360
or if it's intense because of that.

360
00:22:22.360 --> 00:22:24.160
And it could be because I sleep like that,

361
00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:26.160
because remember you said that, you know, that's men,

362
00:22:26.160 --> 00:22:27.720
men see a pretty woman, they're gonna be like,

363
00:22:27.720 --> 00:22:29.640
she's pretty, she's pretty, she's pretty.

364
00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:31.240
And then if they're hearing the things

365
00:22:31.240 --> 00:22:32.760
that they have been praying for,

366
00:22:32.760 --> 00:22:35.800
they're like, oh my goodness, yeah, I want it.

367
00:22:35.800 --> 00:22:37.040
She's the one, she's the one.

368
00:22:37.040 --> 00:22:40.080
So I think it's the receiving for me.

369
00:22:40.080 --> 00:22:42.080
It's like, I'm not afraid of anything.

370
00:22:42.080 --> 00:22:43.400
I'm not afraid of anything.

371
00:22:43.440 --> 00:22:46.560
And for me, it's like, I'm not afraid to receive.

372
00:22:46.560 --> 00:22:51.560
I know that God is faithful and he will bring it to pass.

373
00:22:51.560 --> 00:22:54.480
But I think just that intense moment of receiving,

374
00:22:54.480 --> 00:22:57.880
I'm like, oh, where did I get myself in?

375
00:22:59.400 --> 00:23:01.120
You know, so I think that's where I'm at.

376
00:23:01.120 --> 00:23:02.520
If it can help me.

377
00:23:03.600 --> 00:23:04.760
Yeah.

378
00:23:04.760 --> 00:23:07.680
Ladies, keep your hand up and we're gonna keep them up.

379
00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:09.080
Don't put them down.

380
00:23:09.080 --> 00:23:10.880
I'm going to come to you.

381
00:23:10.880 --> 00:23:12.600
You'll be the first ones we'll come to.

382
00:23:12.600 --> 00:23:13.560
I want to say one thing

383
00:23:13.560 --> 00:23:14.960
and then we're going to go right into coaching.

384
00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:15.880
Take me two minutes.

385
00:23:15.880 --> 00:23:17.800
And then you can still share what you're sharing

386
00:23:17.800 --> 00:23:19.080
in the coaching session.

387
00:23:20.760 --> 00:23:23.720
I want to spend a little time talking about what it means

388
00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:25.440
to be yes until it's a no,

389
00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:28.040
because we've seen that we need some help around that

390
00:23:28.040 --> 00:23:29.280
in the community.

391
00:23:29.280 --> 00:23:33.200
And I also want to talk about why we encourage you

392
00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:36.040
to date outside what you would normally date.

393
00:23:36.040 --> 00:23:38.200
Now, I think Liz had a really good question

394
00:23:38.200 --> 00:23:40.200
that she posted in the community.

395
00:23:40.200 --> 00:23:44.400
And it was about if someone was a Hindu

396
00:23:45.280 --> 00:23:47.320
and she knows that they believe in many gods.

397
00:23:47.320 --> 00:23:49.680
So when we say date outside your comfort zone,

398
00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:51.280
we're definitely not talking about go out

399
00:23:51.280 --> 00:23:53.160
with the agnostics or Hindu.

400
00:23:54.440 --> 00:23:55.600
That's a big conflict for you.

401
00:23:55.600 --> 00:23:59.600
Like that's your own personal convictions, right?

402
00:23:59.600 --> 00:24:02.520
And so that's not what we're talking about.

403
00:24:02.520 --> 00:24:04.600
But we're saying maybe date somebody

404
00:24:04.600 --> 00:24:07.840
that doesn't look the way you would want them to look.

405
00:24:07.840 --> 00:24:09.800
You know, I am almost convinced.

406
00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:11.800
I've not met one married couple,

407
00:24:11.800 --> 00:24:14.640
not one in my own personal world.

408
00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:18.600
Now I'm just one person that every woman I know says,

409
00:24:18.600 --> 00:24:20.640
oh, he really not my type.

410
00:24:21.760 --> 00:24:24.600
He's really not the one I would have gone after.

411
00:24:24.600 --> 00:24:27.080
Yeah, I think that's like a hint

412
00:24:27.080 --> 00:24:30.880
that our spouses could possibly more than likely

413
00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:32.720
come in a package we wouldn't expect.

414
00:24:33.800 --> 00:24:35.200
And because we know that,

415
00:24:35.200 --> 00:24:37.280
and in this program we've seen it over and over and over

416
00:24:37.280 --> 00:24:39.320
and over and over and every love story I hear,

417
00:24:39.840 --> 00:24:40.960
they say the same thing.

418
00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:43.600
I wouldn't have picked this person.

419
00:24:43.600 --> 00:24:46.560
Let's start looking for the one we wouldn't pick.

420
00:24:49.000 --> 00:24:50.640
Cause see what you wouldn't pick,

421
00:24:50.640 --> 00:24:51.480
we're not gonna,

422
00:24:51.480 --> 00:24:54.720
now I'm not saying cut yourself short on character.

423
00:24:54.720 --> 00:24:56.640
That's not what we're talking about.

424
00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:00.400
The makings of a quality man is married to.

425
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.040
Minded masculine immature, so we're not steering away from there

426
00:25:04.040 --> 00:25:09.480
But I'm saying try putting your eyes on a package you may not pick now since height is a big thing for people

427
00:25:09.720 --> 00:25:11.720
Then you may want to say hey

428
00:25:12.760 --> 00:25:19.080
I'm just dating for discovery. He a little shorter than I like but I ain't gonna marry him just getting to know him, right?

429
00:25:19.680 --> 00:25:23.820
Start working yourself into dating people. You wouldn't normally choose

430
00:25:23.820 --> 00:25:28.820
All right, um, and maybe he has a profession that you wouldn't normally choose

431
00:25:28.820 --> 00:25:33.020
Maybe you know, he's a teacher and you prefer a certain income

432
00:25:34.260 --> 00:25:39.820
Income amount but guess what? He may be a teacher but you get out and get to know him. He may be an entrepreneur

433
00:25:40.500 --> 00:25:42.500
He may have a non-profit organization

434
00:25:43.020 --> 00:25:48.620
He may been invested realtor like you don't know anything about this man in his mind

435
00:25:48.620 --> 00:25:52.660
And what he's working on what he's developing what his passions are

436
00:25:52.900 --> 00:25:57.460
You may find out that he has a heart for the homeless and he's built a facility here

437
00:25:57.460 --> 00:26:01.660
And he's doing this with his time. You may find out that he has a heart for missions

438
00:26:01.660 --> 00:26:04.660
You may felt like some of the things that are exact point on with your heart

439
00:26:04.660 --> 00:26:09.300
But you're concerned about an income that when you marry him if he was an engineer

440
00:26:09.300 --> 00:26:11.300
He could lose he could lose the job

441
00:26:11.420 --> 00:26:15.140
Something could happen to him and he not have the ability to work that hard

442
00:26:15.460 --> 00:26:19.780
Something could happen to him and he not have the ability to work that income anymore

443
00:26:19.780 --> 00:26:22.820
And if the income is what got you there, you're about to lose it

444
00:26:25.540 --> 00:26:30.580
Right and so we want us like some of those things we want to kind of let's work around some of those things

445
00:26:31.860 --> 00:26:36.540
And then it's a yes to listen. No, I'm gonna take one more minute. It's a yes to listen

446
00:26:36.540 --> 00:26:41.540
No, it's a yes to listen. No doesn't mean that you're gonna compromise on

447
00:26:42.220 --> 00:26:46.460
If a man is making comments to you that are inappropriate sexually

448
00:26:47.420 --> 00:26:49.420
You're not compromising on me

449
00:26:50.540 --> 00:26:55.100
It's a yes to listen no meaning I'm gonna go to the next step until it's a no

450
00:26:55.900 --> 00:27:01.580
So somebody asked to talk to you. Sure. I have a cup of coffee with you or sure

451
00:27:01.580 --> 00:27:05.500
I'll get to know you whatever. That's a yes, right?

452
00:27:06.180 --> 00:27:09.660
You go out you have a cup of coffee. You had a good time. That's a yes

453
00:27:10.180 --> 00:27:14.620
He takes you late on that night I said man, I had such a good time. I really want to suck your lips

454
00:27:14.620 --> 00:27:16.420
That's a no

455
00:27:16.420 --> 00:27:19.700
Do you see what I'm saying? It's a yes. Tell us a no or

456
00:27:21.100 --> 00:27:25.100
He says man's good time. Let's go on a date again. Yes, you come back

457
00:27:25.100 --> 00:27:29.660
I like him, but he's not quite my type and then he comes back and say let's go exclusive is a no. I

458
00:27:30.740 --> 00:27:36.020
Enjoy getting to know you but now it's a no but it was a yes until it's a no instead of when you look at

459
00:27:36.020 --> 00:27:38.420
Their profile. Oh, he says he wants you and I don't want children

460
00:27:39.220 --> 00:27:42.260
Oh, he says he wants to travel to Europe, I don't even like you know

461
00:27:45.380 --> 00:27:50.980
You get it like this immediate know about something you ain't gonna have his baby cuz you ain't gonna marry him

462
00:27:50.980 --> 00:27:52.980
You just going on a date with them

463
00:27:53.660 --> 00:27:55.660
You can't leave somebody on

464
00:27:55.820 --> 00:28:01.340
Until you go on a date with him and then you make promises to him that you can't keep so we hadn't even made it

465
00:28:01.340 --> 00:28:03.340
today

466
00:28:03.420 --> 00:28:08.780
He might get there not even like you I'm both of us a soul that every man in the world want us

467
00:28:08.780 --> 00:28:10.780
So we don't even make eye contact in the grocery store

468
00:28:10.780 --> 00:28:16.540
We think the men are falling over at our feet, even though it has not proven to be so we believe it

469
00:28:18.460 --> 00:28:23.300
Right like we just think if we look at them they go they go melt in our presence

470
00:28:23.820 --> 00:28:25.540
They will not

471
00:28:25.540 --> 00:28:28.900
Okay, and so I think the word is too

472
00:28:30.020 --> 00:28:32.020
Huh?

473
00:28:32.740 --> 00:28:34.900
No, okay, so, um

474
00:28:35.820 --> 00:28:41.300
yeah, so I hope that we got a kind of a good meaning if it's a yes to listen know if when you um,

475
00:28:43.140 --> 00:28:44.980
If you want to

476
00:28:44.980 --> 00:28:49.700
Hands are already raised. So if you have a question about that, I'll go further into but I don't want to take any more of your

477
00:28:49.700 --> 00:28:51.700
time, so

478
00:28:51.740 --> 00:28:58.660
Whoo, all these hands came up, but who did I stop with? I think it was time for Liz and then Juanita

479
00:28:58.700 --> 00:29:03.060
Right, right, if I messed up it's not her, I'm sorry

480
00:29:05.660 --> 00:29:07.660
Hey Liz

481
00:29:08.420 --> 00:29:15.060
So, um, first of all, what I wanted to say was thanks so much for sharing about the body image because I

482
00:29:15.700 --> 00:29:20.220
Was 150 pounds and now I'm 114 pounds. I still have that body. I

483
00:29:20.740 --> 00:29:25.220
Still sometimes criticize myself and it's like why like everything is okay

484
00:29:25.220 --> 00:29:32.180
How do you like undo that like how do I stop that's like first very quick question and then I would get into the dating question

485
00:29:32.180 --> 00:29:38.700
But how do you like stop criticizing myself? Like I'm not big anymore. I was but I lost everything. I

486
00:29:39.740 --> 00:29:41.740
think that

487
00:29:41.780 --> 00:29:45.340
Whatever you care categorize your first body is

488
00:29:46.620 --> 00:29:48.460
I

489
00:29:48.820 --> 00:29:53.860
Think that whatever you care categorize your first body is

490
00:29:55.380 --> 00:30:00.140
That's the lens in which you see your body. Yeah, well if you say that a hundred

491
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.440
140 pounds. I was so big. I just had to lose weight because I was so big and you were so big and what?

492
00:30:05.040 --> 00:30:07.040
You were so big and what did that mean?

493
00:30:07.520 --> 00:30:14.640
To you see it's about how you're what you think about being 140 pounds

494
00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:21.800
So if you were critical of your body at 140 pounds because you were critical of your body and everything's about your body

495
00:30:22.380 --> 00:30:26.680
Even when you're 114 pounds, you're still gonna criticize your body because you have a negative

496
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:30.620
Conception you have a negative perception of bodies

497
00:30:31.480 --> 00:30:37.800
That makes sense. So the problem is not about your weight. It's about the way you see a body

498
00:30:37.800 --> 00:30:40.160
It's about the way you've been taught about size

499
00:30:42.320 --> 00:30:44.080
Right

500
00:30:44.080 --> 00:30:49.080
Right. So in the reason why I'm going to there's like what I just told you I had that problem

501
00:30:49.320 --> 00:30:49.820
Yeah

502
00:30:49.820 --> 00:30:55.680
But I want you to sit in their reality then you're inside of your brain in your heart

503
00:30:55.680 --> 00:30:58.220
You're having a problem with bodies

504
00:30:59.040 --> 00:31:04.880
Right, and then when you have a problem with the body one of the things that I did and it was really the Holy Spirit

505
00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:06.280
That led me to do it

506
00:31:06.280 --> 00:31:11.520
He told me that I heard go to the mirror and take all your clothes out and look at yourself

507
00:31:11.520 --> 00:31:18.120
And I heard the Holy Spirit say I repeated what I heard. I looked it up my arms and I said arms

508
00:31:18.120 --> 00:31:22.440
Thank you for helping me reach. I looked at my legs and I said legs

509
00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:28.520
Thank you for helping me to walk and I began to thank and appreciate my body

510
00:31:29.160 --> 00:31:33.280
One speaking to my body healing it for all the trauma in the negative things

511
00:31:33.280 --> 00:31:37.480
I said about it, even though my heart is working good. My lungs are functioning

512
00:31:37.480 --> 00:31:44.160
Well, but I've criticized my body put so much hate in my body against it on self, even though it's working for me amazingly

513
00:31:44.240 --> 00:31:49.160
So one thing it speaks health back to your body and it says thank you body

514
00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:56.880
So there's a healing right and then I'm hearing myself really understand what the body is for

515
00:31:59.840 --> 00:32:06.400
Hmm and so when you start seeing your body in a different lens and how it cares for you the eyes to help you see

516
00:32:06.400 --> 00:32:10.560
And the nose that you use to smell not the nose that I don't like the way you're shaped

517
00:32:10.560 --> 00:32:13.040
And not the lips that are not big enough

518
00:32:13.040 --> 00:32:19.760
But the lips they allow you to produce words not the ears that are issue and not the skin color

519
00:32:19.760 --> 00:32:21.920
That's the issue but what it does for you

520
00:32:23.040 --> 00:32:27.400
And be thankful and grateful for the body that you eat. It really does shift your mind

521
00:32:27.800 --> 00:32:33.800
When you start seeing food as fuel it changes carbs being the enemy

522
00:32:34.680 --> 00:32:40.300
When you start saying I'm giving my body the very best because I my body deserves the best

523
00:32:40.500 --> 00:32:43.200
Then it's not like the doughnut is the issue

524
00:32:44.060 --> 00:32:47.580
It's just that it's not what I choose for the highest quality for my body

525
00:32:47.580 --> 00:32:51.320
I had to learn how to break food down in that way and to understand

526
00:32:52.300 --> 00:32:57.180
My decisions. I hope that's helpful to you. It is Wow

527
00:32:57.820 --> 00:32:59.820
It is it is very life-giving

528
00:33:00.180 --> 00:33:04.420
Yeah, so dating question. I was talking. I just had a video chat with somebody

529
00:33:05.780 --> 00:33:08.420
He is a really nice person. He's a believer

530
00:33:08.540 --> 00:33:10.540
He just looked a little bit older than

531
00:33:11.940 --> 00:33:19.780
He says he is and again same thing just what you preached you wouldn't take the time pick what you wouldn't

532
00:33:22.020 --> 00:33:25.940
His profession is not something that I would have picked he works at the factory. I'm a CPA

533
00:33:25.940 --> 00:33:31.700
I never thought that I would go out on date with somebody who is so opposite than who I am

534
00:33:33.100 --> 00:33:35.580
He he's really kind

535
00:33:35.740 --> 00:33:38.660
He was really nice he has a dog but I don't I'm not a dog person

536
00:33:39.660 --> 00:33:47.420
Yeah, I'm not a dog person. And so he is very excited. I he's very excited to meeting me in person on Sunday

537
00:33:47.980 --> 00:33:49.980
But I mean I was excited too

538
00:33:50.300 --> 00:33:55.260
But then when I actually talked to him, I was like we are really two opposite like that

539
00:33:55.260 --> 00:34:00.860
He is not somebody who I would have picked ever. And so what do you think I?

540
00:34:00.860 --> 00:34:04.300
Think you need to go out on your first date and drink a cup of coffee

541
00:34:05.420 --> 00:34:07.420
Okay or tea

542
00:34:07.900 --> 00:34:13.179
Okay, you're gonna have to go on a date. You don't have to be a dog person. He is not your husband

543
00:34:13.739 --> 00:34:16.860
Remind yourself of it. It doesn't matter if he's a dog person

544
00:34:16.860 --> 00:34:21.820
He would cat person because I'm finna tell you some if you find out he a good man. You gonna be a dog person

545
00:34:24.940 --> 00:34:28.380
It's amazing when you find out the quality of your relationship

546
00:34:28.380 --> 00:34:35.500
It's amazing when you find out the qualities of an individual how you become something you really weren't at first

547
00:34:35.580 --> 00:34:39.179
And then you may come it's like I never really saw myself doing this

548
00:34:39.659 --> 00:34:46.540
But yeah, I go rock climbing now. It's like really that man got you climbing some walls around now, huh? But no

549
00:34:48.300 --> 00:34:55.820
Go on the date list enjoy yourself. It is just a date nothing else. He's not auditioning for anything else just a date

550
00:34:55.820 --> 00:35:00.300
Sounds good, and then there is another person I won't take long just maybe

551
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.080
30 seconds. He is so shy. He, I had a video chat with him

552
00:35:04.080 --> 00:35:07.480
yesterday. He wouldn't even look at me. I was dressed like this

553
00:35:07.480 --> 00:35:12.000
with my contacts on. He couldn't even he was so shy. He could not

554
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:15.640
even look at me. He was blushing when he was looking at me

555
00:35:15.640 --> 00:35:19.200
whatever he was doing. He was blushing. And like, oh my gosh,

556
00:35:19.200 --> 00:35:21.280
I'm like, I was asking him a question. And then I was

557
00:35:21.280 --> 00:35:23.920
answering my own question. Because he couldn't even say

558
00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:29.200
what do you think about it? He was so shy. He's 32. I'm 29. I

559
00:35:29.200 --> 00:35:31.560
don't know. Like I haven't actually date with him on

560
00:35:31.560 --> 00:35:33.720
Saturday. So it's like to send

561
00:35:35.240 --> 00:35:39.600
Come on, Liz. Oh, you date me out weekend.

562
00:35:44.640 --> 00:35:47.920
Like, I feel like I'm gonna be initiating everything with this

563
00:35:47.920 --> 00:35:51.440
man. He's a French teacher. So he's pretty good with kids. So

564
00:35:51.440 --> 00:35:55.120
he talks about his work a lot when I asked, but he can't

565
00:35:55.120 --> 00:35:58.720
really ask me any questions. But it also could be like that he

566
00:35:58.720 --> 00:36:02.960
doesn't have experience with with this. But I don't know.

567
00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:03.840
What do you think?

568
00:36:04.480 --> 00:36:06.960
I think that you're a beautiful woman. And when men see

569
00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:09.680
beautiful women, all their mindsets is beautiful woman,

570
00:36:09.680 --> 00:36:12.680
beautiful woman, and she's talking to me. Most men don't

571
00:36:12.680 --> 00:36:16.480
ever feel worthy of women. I don't care how much of a

572
00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:20.320
supermodel they look. They just don't have a lot of self worth

573
00:36:21.040 --> 00:36:23.840
about themselves. They don't you know, so they keep saying this

574
00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:26.680
pretty woman is talking to me. I can't believe this pretty woman

575
00:36:26.680 --> 00:36:29.320
is talking to me. It's okay if you're going to have to lead the

576
00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:31.800
conversation. So I want you to pick question that you know that

577
00:36:31.800 --> 00:36:35.440
he will probably pick up on so like teacher stuff or ask him

578
00:36:35.440 --> 00:36:38.080
things about his profession since he likes to talk about it.

579
00:36:38.320 --> 00:36:43.200
Because the goal is, is to have a date. Right? And if he's

580
00:36:43.200 --> 00:36:46.760
pleasant to talk to, and because you are the one leading first,

581
00:36:46.760 --> 00:36:50.480
don't be afraid of silence. Give him a chance. Just because

582
00:36:50.480 --> 00:36:53.640
you're silent, it means nothing. Just sit there in it. It may

583
00:36:53.640 --> 00:36:57.080
feel awkward, but awkward is not bad. We taught ourselves

584
00:36:57.080 --> 00:37:00.320
that awkward is bad, but it's not. It's just called silence.

585
00:37:01.600 --> 00:37:05.400
Yeah, okay. I want you to go have fun. It's only a cup of

586
00:37:05.400 --> 00:37:09.080
coffee. And some little Google questions and tell them I wrote

587
00:37:09.080 --> 00:37:12.080
us some icebreaker questions down. How about you look up one

588
00:37:12.080 --> 00:37:14.000
and he got his phone. So how about you look up an icebreaker

589
00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:16.880
question and you asked me one or say, Hey, turn your phone

590
00:37:16.880 --> 00:37:21.120
around. I'm picking one now you pick one. Got it. So

591
00:37:21.720 --> 00:37:24.240
yeah, it's a long distance. So we are meeting in the middle.

592
00:37:25.240 --> 00:37:29.360
Okay. Yeah, we are meeting in the middle. So you're right. So

593
00:37:29.360 --> 00:37:33.160
should I message him to ask him to look at icebreaker question

594
00:37:33.160 --> 00:37:34.840
or should I just tell him when we are there?

595
00:37:35.080 --> 00:37:37.520
Yes, when you get there. And then since y'all are meeting

596
00:37:37.520 --> 00:37:40.000
halfway that date is probably going to go longer. So I don't

597
00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:43.160
want you to feel like you have to rush in you very well. So if

598
00:37:43.160 --> 00:37:44.360
you're meeting in the middle.

599
00:37:44.840 --> 00:37:48.480
Oh, yeah. How long do we do 100 kilometers? We are both coming

600
00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:50.400
to 100 kilometers in the middle.

601
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:52.680
What is 100 kilometers?

602
00:37:53.720 --> 00:37:55.440
Probably 80-85 miles.

603
00:37:55.600 --> 00:37:58.560
Oh, yeah, you need to take some time with it, man. Yeah, and

604
00:37:58.560 --> 00:38:04.240
yourself like, you can't stick with 45 minutes. It's gonna be

605
00:38:04.760 --> 00:38:07.480
I mean, you've driven a long way. And so has he.

606
00:38:08.160 --> 00:38:10.720
So do we do like two hours or around that?

607
00:38:11.160 --> 00:38:12.600
Yeah, if you want to.

608
00:38:13.160 --> 00:38:13.600
Okay.

609
00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:17.120
I hope you have so much fun that you lose track of time.

610
00:38:20.800 --> 00:38:23.160
Thanks, Ebony. That was amazing.

611
00:38:23.600 --> 00:38:28.000
Oh, you're welcome, Liz. Okay, Juanita.

612
00:38:30.520 --> 00:38:38.560
So intentional. That's that was from the previous question. Mine

613
00:38:38.560 --> 00:38:43.840
is intentional. And so when I decided to be very intentional

614
00:38:43.840 --> 00:38:51.960
about getting my, you know, my, so I had somebody take pictures

615
00:38:51.960 --> 00:38:55.920
of me. Because I didn't have a full body picture. I just I

616
00:38:55.920 --> 00:39:00.200
just had headshots and selfies. And so I still need to have

617
00:39:00.200 --> 00:39:05.200
somebody take a picture of me in a group because all my pictures

618
00:39:05.200 --> 00:39:09.240
are like, I don't know people here. So it's me hiking. It's

619
00:39:09.240 --> 00:39:13.760
me. You know, it's just me. So I decided, oh, you know, that's

620
00:39:13.760 --> 00:39:19.360
kind of weird. So I, I should try to have a group picture of

621
00:39:19.360 --> 00:39:19.920
some sort.

622
00:39:20.600 --> 00:39:21.320
Where are you?

623
00:39:22.200 --> 00:39:25.720
I live in Weaverville, California, which is west of

624
00:39:25.720 --> 00:39:33.480
Reading up in the mountains. Yeah, very, very small town.

625
00:39:34.440 --> 00:39:43.160
Yeah, I've heard beautiful, but yeah. So anyway, a lot of things

626
00:39:43.160 --> 00:39:47.400
are going in my mind because I my last marriage, I married

627
00:39:47.400 --> 00:39:52.320
somebody who I would have never ever picked. You know, he was he

628
00:39:52.320 --> 00:39:57.200
was a hippie, you know, had long hair, you know, and but it was

629
00:39:57.200 --> 00:39:59.960
like, yeah.

630
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.000
There were just a lot of qualities that he had that were amazing.

631
00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:09.000
Unfortunately, he didn't think, you know, that he wanted to be committed to marriage.

632
00:40:09.000 --> 00:40:12.000
So, off I went, you know, he offed me.

633
00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:15.000
So, that was sad.

634
00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:16.000
Yeah.

635
00:40:16.000 --> 00:40:17.000
So...

636
00:40:17.000 --> 00:40:18.000
How old were y'all married?

637
00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:19.000
Huh?

638
00:40:19.000 --> 00:40:20.000
How old were y'all married?

639
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:21.000
Two years.

640
00:40:21.000 --> 00:40:22.000
Two or ten?

641
00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:23.000
Two.

642
00:40:23.000 --> 00:40:24.000
Two, okay.

643
00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:25.000
Yeah.

644
00:40:25.000 --> 00:40:26.000
So, I met him up here.

645
00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:29.000
I moved up here, met him up here.

646
00:40:29.000 --> 00:40:32.000
And so, he was basically my best friend and community.

647
00:40:32.000 --> 00:40:36.000
And then when he left, it was like, ah, I have no one.

648
00:40:36.000 --> 00:40:47.000
So, that being said, yeah, I started to be really intentional about getting on Facebook,

649
00:40:47.000 --> 00:40:49.000
trying to get on Facebook.

650
00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:57.000
And I find that there's a lot of spiritual warfare, mental warfare getting there.

651
00:40:57.000 --> 00:41:04.000
Body image, you know, it's like when you're my age and, you know, it's like 50 is cool,

652
00:41:04.000 --> 00:41:06.000
you know, you're just maturing.

653
00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:09.000
60, in my case, was fine.

654
00:41:09.000 --> 00:41:16.000
But when I started turning 70, it's like my body decided I am just going to be a different body now.

655
00:41:17.000 --> 00:41:22.000
And, you know, and I'm like, who are you?

656
00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:25.000
You know, I mean, so I had to start doing what you said.

657
00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:29.000
It was like, Lord, thank you for my hands.

658
00:41:29.000 --> 00:41:30.000
You know, who cares?

659
00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:33.000
They're all wrinkly now, but they work.

660
00:41:33.000 --> 00:41:34.000
My legs work.

661
00:41:34.000 --> 00:41:35.000
You know, who cares?

662
00:41:35.000 --> 00:41:37.000
You know, blah, blah, blah.

663
00:41:37.000 --> 00:41:44.000
So, seriously, when you get this age and your whole body changes, you know, it's not even weight.

664
00:41:44.000 --> 00:41:47.000
It's just the quality of your skin and stuff like that.

665
00:41:47.000 --> 00:41:51.000
It's a whole different journey of age.

666
00:41:51.000 --> 00:42:04.000
So, yeah, and having a younger mindset at my age is like, you know, it's like, ah, you know,

667
00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:13.000
I'm living in a 73-year-old body, but my brain is 40 years old, you know, and it's like, okay, this is hard.

668
00:42:14.000 --> 00:42:21.000
It is hard because men get more settled, right?

669
00:42:21.000 --> 00:42:27.000
Like, older and more settled, and you have a young, ready-to-go, let's get, you know.

670
00:42:27.000 --> 00:42:28.000
Yeah.

671
00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:29.000
Right.

672
00:42:29.000 --> 00:42:37.000
And it's not like you're going to go grab a 50-year-old or a 40-year-old, but, yeah, get one your age, and it's like, what could I possibly get?

673
00:42:37.000 --> 00:42:38.000
You know, yeah.

674
00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:39.000
Right.

675
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:43.000
So, anyway, so that's a long story.

676
00:42:43.000 --> 00:42:51.000
But what I was going to ask you was, I'm going to have a gallbladder surgery.

677
00:42:51.000 --> 00:43:00.000
Should I wait until after the surgery to get on the app, a Facebook app, or should I just go ahead and do it?

678
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:01.000
Gallbladder removal?

679
00:43:01.000 --> 00:43:02.000
Yeah.

680
00:43:02.000 --> 00:43:03.000
Oh, no, no.

681
00:43:03.000 --> 00:43:05.000
That's an outpatient procedure, right?

682
00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:07.000
Right.

683
00:43:07.000 --> 00:43:12.000
Well, it's a one-day, go in, it's robotic, I guess they take it out.

684
00:43:12.000 --> 00:43:13.000
Laparoscopically?

685
00:43:13.000 --> 00:43:14.000
Yeah.

686
00:43:14.000 --> 00:43:15.000
Yeah.

687
00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:16.000
No, you'll be good.

688
00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:20.000
I mean, I had my gallbladder removed laparoscopically.

689
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:22.000
Laparoscopically.

690
00:43:22.000 --> 00:43:24.000
No, it's going to be on Facebook.

691
00:43:24.000 --> 00:43:25.000
Okay.

692
00:43:25.000 --> 00:43:26.000
Okay.

693
00:43:26.000 --> 00:43:27.000
You're going to meet your husband.

694
00:43:27.000 --> 00:43:28.000
Okay.

695
00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:29.000
Cool.

696
00:43:29.000 --> 00:43:30.000
Okay.

697
00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:31.000
Yay.

698
00:43:31.000 --> 00:43:32.000
Thank you.

699
00:43:32.000 --> 00:43:33.000
Post and let us know.

700
00:43:33.000 --> 00:43:34.000
Yay.

701
00:43:34.000 --> 00:43:35.000
Okay.

702
00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:39.000
Tammy?

703
00:43:39.000 --> 00:43:40.000
Hi.

704
00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:41.000
Hey.

705
00:43:41.000 --> 00:43:42.000
Hold on one second, Tammy.

706
00:43:42.000 --> 00:43:43.000
I'm sorry, Tim.

707
00:43:43.000 --> 00:43:44.000
Hold on.

708
00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:46.000
Juanita, when is your surgery?

709
00:43:46.000 --> 00:43:48.000
They haven't called me yet.

710
00:43:48.000 --> 00:43:59.000
I just found out Friday that I had this one-centimeter gallstone, and I've had issues for 30 years, so it's just time.

711
00:43:59.000 --> 00:44:01.000
So I'm just waiting for a phone call.

712
00:44:02.000 --> 00:44:03.000
Okay.

713
00:44:03.000 --> 00:44:07.000
Post a date on the community wall so we can be praying for you, please.

714
00:44:07.000 --> 00:44:08.000
Okay.

715
00:44:08.000 --> 00:44:09.000
Okay.

716
00:44:09.000 --> 00:44:10.000
Sounds good.

717
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:11.000
All right.

718
00:44:11.000 --> 00:44:12.000
Go ahead, Tammy.

719
00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:13.000
Hi.

720
00:44:13.000 --> 00:44:14.000
Hey.

721
00:44:14.000 --> 00:44:15.000
I think this is my second time saying something.

722
00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:17.000
I've got to tell you, you are so beautiful.

723
00:44:17.000 --> 00:44:18.000
Oh, me?

724
00:44:18.000 --> 00:44:19.000
You really are.

725
00:44:19.000 --> 00:44:20.000
Yes.

726
00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:21.000
You are so beautiful.

727
00:44:21.000 --> 00:44:22.000
Very attractive.

728
00:44:22.000 --> 00:44:23.000
I agree.

729
00:44:23.000 --> 00:44:24.000
Thank you, Tim.

730
00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:25.000
Thank you, Juanita.

731
00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:26.000
Definitely.

732
00:44:26.000 --> 00:44:27.000
And funny.

733
00:44:27.000 --> 00:44:28.000
And funny.

734
00:44:28.000 --> 00:44:29.000
Yes.

735
00:44:29.000 --> 00:44:30.000
Thank you, ladies.

736
00:44:31.000 --> 00:44:32.000
Yeah.

737
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:34.000
Yeah, the Lord's so in you, you know?

738
00:44:34.000 --> 00:44:35.000
It's just beautiful.

739
00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:36.000
Thank you.

740
00:44:36.000 --> 00:44:37.000
You walk with the Lord.

741
00:44:37.000 --> 00:44:42.000
My question is, so just Sunday, I didn't know.

742
00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:50.000
I found out about the fast on Saturday, but I didn't know it was going to start on Sunday, a 21-day fast.

743
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:53.000
I'm not one who does all these fasts.

744
00:44:54.000 --> 00:44:57.000
And Saturday, I just signed up for.

745
00:44:57.000 --> 00:45:00.000
So I've literally been with.

746
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.760
OIS nearly a year.

747
00:45:04.760 --> 00:45:06.320
And I've taken it really slow

748
00:45:06.320 --> 00:45:09.220
because when I got out of my other marriage,

749
00:45:09.220 --> 00:45:11.100
being married for so long,

750
00:45:11.100 --> 00:45:13.100
it was like, you know,

751
00:45:13.100 --> 00:45:16.220
we both grew up in dysfunctional families,

752
00:45:16.220 --> 00:45:18.620
dysfunction, attractive dysfunction.

753
00:45:18.620 --> 00:45:19.900
We had double dys, you know what I mean?

754
00:45:19.900 --> 00:45:23.260
So we just had a lot of stuff in the marriage

755
00:45:23.260 --> 00:45:27.180
and I just had a lot of healing I had to go through.

756
00:45:27.180 --> 00:45:29.920
And so coming into all of this,

757
00:45:29.920 --> 00:45:33.740
I didn't come with a mindset of looking for a husband yet.

758
00:45:33.740 --> 00:45:36.320
Spirit mate, I came in for heart healing

759
00:45:36.320 --> 00:45:40.700
because I want someone that's emotionally healthy

760
00:45:40.700 --> 00:45:42.600
and in order to have that,

761
00:45:42.600 --> 00:45:45.060
I know that I need to be emotionally healthy.

762
00:45:45.060 --> 00:45:48.920
So I got on the app on Saturday.

763
00:45:49.920 --> 00:45:51.320
So I got into phase two.

764
00:45:51.320 --> 00:45:52.240
I'm still in phase two.

765
00:45:52.240 --> 00:45:53.400
I haven't been on a date.

766
00:45:53.400 --> 00:45:56.400
I haven't been on any calls or anything.

767
00:45:56.400 --> 00:45:59.440
And I signed up for Arc of Grace.

768
00:45:59.960 --> 00:46:01.560
I haven't completely finished the profile,

769
00:46:01.560 --> 00:46:05.880
but they contacted me yesterday and they said,

770
00:46:05.880 --> 00:46:07.240
you're ready to go.

771
00:46:07.240 --> 00:46:11.220
And next thing I knew, I had two hits on there.

772
00:46:12.660 --> 00:46:13.860
Well, that was Monday.

773
00:46:13.860 --> 00:46:15.760
Yeah, I had two hits on there,

774
00:46:15.760 --> 00:46:19.280
but I haven't responded because I didn't go on there

775
00:46:19.280 --> 00:46:20.920
because I'm on a 21 day fast

776
00:46:20.920 --> 00:46:24.200
and I don't want it to interfere with the fast.

777
00:46:24.200 --> 00:46:25.040
Do you know what I'm saying?

778
00:46:25.040 --> 00:46:27.600
So I guess I'm just asking you.

779
00:46:28.480 --> 00:46:29.320
I came on late,

780
00:46:29.320 --> 00:46:30.920
so I don't know what the thing was,

781
00:46:30.920 --> 00:46:32.000
how you start this today,

782
00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:36.200
but I'm just thinking,

783
00:46:36.200 --> 00:46:38.400
do you think I should just not get on there

784
00:46:38.400 --> 00:46:40.680
and respond to that and say,

785
00:46:40.680 --> 00:46:42.240
listen, I'm on a 21 day fast,

786
00:46:42.240 --> 00:46:45.400
but I don't want to open up.

787
00:46:45.400 --> 00:46:46.760
I don't want to start something

788
00:46:46.760 --> 00:46:49.800
and then not be able to follow through.

789
00:46:50.640 --> 00:46:53.800
And I don't want to be distracted on the fast,

790
00:46:54.760 --> 00:46:59.240
with notifications and checking things and all that.

791
00:46:59.240 --> 00:47:01.440
I really want to devote my time to the fast

792
00:47:01.440 --> 00:47:03.720
and finish well, finish strong.

793
00:47:03.720 --> 00:47:08.280
So do you think I should just not respond at all,

794
00:47:08.280 --> 00:47:09.480
like not get on there?

795
00:47:09.480 --> 00:47:11.800
Since I was on there Saturday,

796
00:47:11.800 --> 00:47:14.280
they were closed on the weekend.

797
00:47:16.160 --> 00:47:19.600
They gave me the word that it's ready to go.

798
00:47:19.600 --> 00:47:22.800
I hit something and they banned me.

799
00:47:22.800 --> 00:47:24.560
They suspended me.

800
00:47:24.560 --> 00:47:27.520
So I had to send them an email on Sunday

801
00:47:27.520 --> 00:47:29.120
and say, what happened?

802
00:47:29.120 --> 00:47:30.280
What did I do?

803
00:47:32.520 --> 00:47:35.840
Yeah, and it was just because, whatever.

804
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:37.360
It was, yeah.

805
00:47:37.360 --> 00:47:42.360
Anyway, so I just think I should stay off,

806
00:47:43.280 --> 00:47:46.960
not respond, let the time go by.

807
00:47:46.960 --> 00:47:49.680
And so that's, I posted it on LYS,

808
00:47:49.680 --> 00:47:50.680
but I hadn't heard back.

809
00:47:50.680 --> 00:47:51.720
I posted it for a coach,

810
00:47:51.720 --> 00:47:54.920
but if you answer, I'm going to just pull it down.

811
00:47:54.920 --> 00:47:57.160
Okay, yeah, I agree, Tammy.

812
00:47:57.160 --> 00:47:58.440
You should just wait.

813
00:47:59.480 --> 00:48:02.960
I don't think, I wouldn't share that I'm fasting.

814
00:48:02.960 --> 00:48:05.120
It's just, it's not, right?

815
00:48:05.120 --> 00:48:06.640
Because even if you shared it,

816
00:48:06.640 --> 00:48:08.360
you're going to not be on there.

817
00:48:08.360 --> 00:48:09.880
So you'll be better off just waiting

818
00:48:09.880 --> 00:48:11.120
until you're done with your fast

819
00:48:11.120 --> 00:48:12.600
and those people that match with you,

820
00:48:12.600 --> 00:48:13.960
if they're still there,

821
00:48:13.960 --> 00:48:15.680
you can just respond to them and say,

822
00:48:15.680 --> 00:48:17.680
hey, I'm just getting, you know,

823
00:48:17.720 --> 00:48:20.680
get an opportunity to respond to you, you know.

824
00:48:21.960 --> 00:48:23.040
How's your day going?

825
00:48:23.040 --> 00:48:24.320
Something like that.

826
00:48:24.320 --> 00:48:25.160
Yeah, okay.

827
00:48:25.160 --> 00:48:27.120
I just figured that that would be the best thing

828
00:48:27.120 --> 00:48:30.800
because there's no point to poke my head in there.

829
00:48:30.800 --> 00:48:32.000
It's going to be a distraction.

830
00:48:32.000 --> 00:48:33.720
Big time, yeah.

831
00:48:33.720 --> 00:48:34.920
Okay, that was it.

832
00:48:34.920 --> 00:48:38.840
So I'm finally moving, finally.

833
00:48:38.840 --> 00:48:41.400
So, okay, pray for me on this fast

834
00:48:41.400 --> 00:48:43.240
because it's only been three days

835
00:48:43.240 --> 00:48:44.600
and I tell you, it was rough.

836
00:48:44.600 --> 00:48:47.960
I had a migraine, like body aches.

837
00:48:47.960 --> 00:48:49.120
Did you just water?

838
00:48:49.120 --> 00:48:51.440
No, I'm doing a Daniel fast

839
00:48:51.440 --> 00:48:54.240
because I wasn't able to,

840
00:48:54.240 --> 00:48:56.440
I was working an event outside

841
00:48:56.440 --> 00:48:58.000
and we were in the heat

842
00:48:58.000 --> 00:49:00.520
and I had heat, nearly heat exhaustion

843
00:49:00.520 --> 00:49:02.720
and I could not seem to cool down.

844
00:49:02.720 --> 00:49:03.560
Yeah.

845
00:49:03.560 --> 00:49:04.640
And this was like two months ago.

846
00:49:04.640 --> 00:49:09.520
And ever since then, I, it's like, God is healing me.

847
00:49:09.520 --> 00:49:12.560
I don't want to speak, you know, anything negative,

848
00:49:12.560 --> 00:49:14.840
but healing me from all that

849
00:49:14.840 --> 00:49:17.360
so that I'm not so sensitive to the heat.

850
00:49:17.360 --> 00:49:18.200
Yeah.

851
00:49:18.200 --> 00:49:20.440
So I just pray the Lord's strength over you on this fast

852
00:49:20.440 --> 00:49:23.280
and that you get to have incredible encounters

853
00:49:23.280 --> 00:49:26.160
with the Lord and that he gets to download you

854
00:49:26.160 --> 00:49:27.760
to awesome things

855
00:49:27.760 --> 00:49:30.440
and you just get to walk with him in joy and peace.

856
00:49:30.440 --> 00:49:35.440
And I really sense like a carefreeness for you

857
00:49:35.440 --> 00:49:36.840
during this fast.

858
00:49:36.840 --> 00:49:40.760
And so I just bless you with strength to enjoy

859
00:49:40.760 --> 00:49:42.440
what the Father wants to bring you into.

860
00:49:42.440 --> 00:49:44.360
It's exciting times ahead of you, Tammy.

861
00:49:44.360 --> 00:49:46.600
I really sense that in the spirit.

862
00:49:46.600 --> 00:49:48.480
And so I'm excited for you.

863
00:49:48.480 --> 00:49:49.960
Thank you so much.

864
00:49:49.960 --> 00:49:51.200
Yeah, I'm excited too.

865
00:49:51.200 --> 00:49:53.360
So I'm like, today I've read his word

866
00:49:53.360 --> 00:49:56.160
and I just wept and wept every time Jesus spoke.

867
00:49:56.160 --> 00:49:58.640
I was just, oh, so beautiful.

868
00:49:58.640 --> 00:49:59.480
Yeah.

869
00:49:59.480 --> 00:50:00.320
Okay, thank you.

870
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.320
So look, you're welcome.

871
00:50:02.320 --> 00:50:02.820
Kelly.

872
00:50:08.640 --> 00:50:10.800
Sorry, I couldn't get my phone to answer.

873
00:50:10.800 --> 00:50:11.300
You're OK.

874
00:50:11.300 --> 00:50:12.440
Hey, there.

875
00:50:12.440 --> 00:50:12.940
Hey.

876
00:50:17.040 --> 00:50:19.840
OK, well, I'm sorry I wasn't able to post

877
00:50:19.840 --> 00:50:20.960
in the coaches group.

878
00:50:20.960 --> 00:50:23.760
It's been a whirlwind here.

879
00:50:23.760 --> 00:50:27.360
My parents both got COVID, and my dad had a heart attack.

880
00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:29.320
But everybody's OK.

881
00:50:29.320 --> 00:50:31.680
And that was a week before, but there's

882
00:50:31.680 --> 00:50:34.360
just been a whole lot of stuff related to that

883
00:50:34.360 --> 00:50:35.320
and helping and stuff.

884
00:50:35.320 --> 00:50:38.840
So I haven't been able to write.

885
00:50:38.840 --> 00:50:40.760
But everybody's OK now.

886
00:50:40.760 --> 00:50:41.260
Good.

887
00:50:41.260 --> 00:50:42.160
Hallelujah.

888
00:50:42.160 --> 00:50:43.560
Hallelujah.

889
00:50:43.560 --> 00:50:46.440
Yeah, it was real scary.

890
00:50:46.440 --> 00:50:52.200
But what I was going to ask you about last week,

891
00:50:52.200 --> 00:50:57.760
I have an interest in someone that I met in real life

892
00:50:57.760 --> 00:51:01.720
in a connect group, which is our church's thing,

893
00:51:01.720 --> 00:51:04.600
like small groups.

894
00:51:04.600 --> 00:51:06.240
And I'm just taking a little back

895
00:51:06.240 --> 00:51:09.520
because the online dating, I feel

896
00:51:09.520 --> 00:51:12.400
like it's so rare when you meet someone

897
00:51:12.400 --> 00:51:16.360
that you're excited about right off the bat.

898
00:51:16.360 --> 00:51:18.340
So it's a little bit easier because it's

899
00:51:18.340 --> 00:51:20.640
like, eh, we'll see.

900
00:51:20.640 --> 00:51:23.840
Well, this guy, my friend invited me,

901
00:51:23.840 --> 00:51:25.760
my friend who runs this connect group,

902
00:51:25.760 --> 00:51:28.400
invited me to something around Easter.

903
00:51:28.400 --> 00:51:31.200
And I happened to sit across from him.

904
00:51:31.200 --> 00:51:33.440
I was their guest and happened to sit across from him.

905
00:51:33.440 --> 00:51:37.840
And we had really great conversation

906
00:51:37.840 --> 00:51:39.680
and with the other people at the table, too.

907
00:51:39.680 --> 00:51:41.080
It was just really nice.

908
00:51:41.080 --> 00:51:42.800
And she's been asking me and asking

909
00:51:42.800 --> 00:51:44.080
me to join their connect group.

910
00:51:44.080 --> 00:51:46.800
And I wasn't able to do it until just a couple of weeks ago.

911
00:51:46.800 --> 00:51:48.600
And so I went.

912
00:51:48.600 --> 00:51:49.880
And we chatted a little bit.

913
00:51:49.880 --> 00:51:54.440
He and I chatted a little bit then and last week as well.

914
00:51:54.440 --> 00:51:57.960
And so I'm a little bit off because I

915
00:51:57.960 --> 00:52:00.400
feel like now I find myself getting

916
00:52:00.400 --> 00:52:03.120
excited to see him this week and thinking about him.

917
00:52:03.120 --> 00:52:04.880
And I'm like, no, I don't want to go down

918
00:52:04.880 --> 00:52:06.840
this road of being too excited.

919
00:52:06.840 --> 00:52:09.880
I want to, do you know what I'm saying?

920
00:52:09.880 --> 00:52:12.880
I'm used to not being too excited because

921
00:52:12.880 --> 00:52:19.080
with the online thing, it's always kind of like, yeah, OK.

922
00:52:19.080 --> 00:52:22.520
But this guy, it was exciting.

923
00:52:22.520 --> 00:52:24.720
So now I'm trying to keep myself in line.

924
00:52:24.720 --> 00:52:28.040
And I'm not, I don't know.

925
00:52:28.040 --> 00:52:30.440
I need some input, maybe.

926
00:52:30.440 --> 00:52:32.720
Well, it's probably time for you guys to go out and have a coffee

927
00:52:32.720 --> 00:52:34.720
date, huh?

928
00:52:34.720 --> 00:52:39.880
Well, I don't feel comfortable asking him for that because,

929
00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:42.400
also because I just joined this group.

930
00:52:42.400 --> 00:52:44.240
And it's a group of older singles.

931
00:52:44.240 --> 00:52:45.880
And they are really tight.

932
00:52:45.880 --> 00:52:50.000
And I don't want to like, I don't know how to say it.

933
00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:54.040
I don't want it to appear as though I'm like, hey,

934
00:52:54.040 --> 00:52:56.320
I'm here for a hookup.

935
00:52:56.320 --> 00:52:58.120
No, you're there for a husband.

936
00:52:58.120 --> 00:53:00.120
So you won't be in the singles group anymore.

937
00:53:00.120 --> 00:53:03.480
And they have a man that is eligible that you like.

938
00:53:03.480 --> 00:53:04.920
That's what you're there for.

939
00:53:04.920 --> 00:53:07.080
So I ran a singles ministry.

940
00:53:07.080 --> 00:53:08.200
I'm going to give you this.

941
00:53:08.200 --> 00:53:10.440
And the lady who asked me to do it with her,

942
00:53:10.440 --> 00:53:12.840
she said, Ebony, will you do a singles ministry with me?

943
00:53:12.840 --> 00:53:14.840
And I said, she said, I only want it for ladies.

944
00:53:14.840 --> 00:53:16.880
I said, I won't have any parts of it.

945
00:53:16.880 --> 00:53:17.840
And she said, why?

946
00:53:17.840 --> 00:53:19.120
I said, I won't do it that way.

947
00:53:19.200 --> 00:53:21.920
I said, the kingdom is made up of men and women.

948
00:53:21.920 --> 00:53:24.520
I'm not interested in a singles group full of women

949
00:53:24.520 --> 00:53:25.800
where there are no men.

950
00:53:25.800 --> 00:53:28.160
I said, I want both perspectives at the table.

951
00:53:28.160 --> 00:53:31.040
And I want single women to have single men around them

952
00:53:31.040 --> 00:53:33.480
so they can see what a righteous man is like.

953
00:53:33.480 --> 00:53:36.360
So that when they choose, they can choose a righteous man.

954
00:53:36.360 --> 00:53:38.560
They can sit across the table from a righteous man.

955
00:53:38.560 --> 00:53:41.920
And they can even choose them if they want.

956
00:53:41.920 --> 00:53:44.320
And so some of the ladies were joining.

957
00:53:44.320 --> 00:53:45.720
They would say, well, I don't want

958
00:53:45.720 --> 00:53:47.080
them to think I'm here for them.

959
00:53:47.080 --> 00:53:49.480
And I said, why do you think they want you?

960
00:53:49.480 --> 00:53:51.320
We get this idea from, like, why do you

961
00:53:51.320 --> 00:53:53.080
think that every man that's around,

962
00:53:53.080 --> 00:53:55.120
why do you think they're going to think that you're

963
00:53:55.120 --> 00:53:55.760
there for them?

964
00:53:55.760 --> 00:53:57.000
Like, what are these thoughts?

965
00:53:57.000 --> 00:53:59.880
Like, they're all lies.

966
00:53:59.880 --> 00:54:01.800
And so I would tell the people when

967
00:54:01.800 --> 00:54:04.640
they would come to my group, I would say, hey, listen.

968
00:54:04.640 --> 00:54:09.480
Everybody here is single and righteous.

969
00:54:09.480 --> 00:54:13.080
So we're all good for the picking.

970
00:54:13.080 --> 00:54:15.240
Because I wanted to release that,

971
00:54:15.600 --> 00:54:18.160
these thoughts that we have as women in the back of our minds.

972
00:54:18.160 --> 00:54:19.560
So I went through all the thoughts

973
00:54:19.560 --> 00:54:21.360
I would have going to singles.

974
00:54:21.360 --> 00:54:22.880
And one of the thoughts was, they're

975
00:54:22.880 --> 00:54:24.960
going to think I'm just here for somebody.

976
00:54:24.960 --> 00:54:25.640
No, I'm not.

977
00:54:25.640 --> 00:54:27.200
But if you're a singer and I'm single,

978
00:54:27.200 --> 00:54:30.160
we should get married if we make a good fit, right?

979
00:54:30.160 --> 00:54:33.880
So I just want to expel that out of your mind.

980
00:54:33.880 --> 00:54:36.720
If this is a person that invited you that's a really good friend,

981
00:54:36.720 --> 00:54:40.840
maybe you can ask her about this young man.

982
00:54:40.840 --> 00:54:42.400
Is this person?

983
00:54:42.440 --> 00:54:46.400
Well, I think at some point I might be willing to do that.

984
00:54:46.400 --> 00:54:48.880
But I don't know.

985
00:54:48.880 --> 00:54:51.360
I feel really uncomfortable asking him out.

986
00:54:51.360 --> 00:54:54.920
Like, we haven't talked tons, tons.

987
00:54:54.920 --> 00:54:58.720
Is this your friend that invited you?

988
00:54:58.720 --> 00:54:59.240
It is.

989
00:54:59.240 --> 00:55:01.280
My friend who is.

990
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.860
Invited me she and her husband run the group, but I would feel uncomfortable asking that guy out like I would

991
00:55:08.520 --> 00:55:16.440
Hold up, hold up. I moved out from you. I heard you. So I want you to ask your friend about him

992
00:55:17.360 --> 00:55:18.560
Okay

993
00:55:18.560 --> 00:55:21.560
Can you ask her about him? Yeah, I can ask her

994
00:55:21.920 --> 00:55:27.920
How about you ask her her husband about this guy? Like who is he? What does he do? How long have they known him?

995
00:55:28.240 --> 00:55:29.240
Yeah

996
00:55:29.240 --> 00:55:33.800
Background and so then they may say why are you interested? I don't know what they're gonna say back

997
00:55:33.800 --> 00:55:37.360
You just say well, I thought he was an interesting guy. We've had some really good conversation

998
00:55:37.360 --> 00:55:39.960
So I'll see but what I don't want you to do

999
00:55:41.000 --> 00:55:47.200
Two three months in you're still having, you know still thinking, you know still pondering on it still thinking

1000
00:55:47.200 --> 00:55:50.760
What could it be? We had a really good talk and look like he looked at me like he liked me

1001
00:55:50.760 --> 00:55:55.960
It looked like this, you know how we do as women we create a whole scene in our head

1002
00:55:56.400 --> 00:56:03.960
Yeah, and so I just don't want you doing that so reframe yourself and every time you do it say if you do it

1003
00:56:03.960 --> 00:56:05.960
Say I'm not going to fantasize

1004
00:56:06.440 --> 00:56:11.840
Yeah one day or one day. He'll ask me for a cup of coffee or I asked him for a cup of coffee

1005
00:56:13.240 --> 00:56:19.520
Yeah, you have to tell yourself the truth to break fantasies because I can go into a fantasy in a minute

1006
00:56:19.520 --> 00:56:23.800
And I train my brain I say no, I don't fantasize. I live in reality

1007
00:56:23.800 --> 00:56:26.240
Yeah, reality is I've only had one conversation

1008
00:56:27.320 --> 00:56:34.000
Yes, and that's what I've been doing like no don't go there and I the minute I realized I was thinking about it outside of

1009
00:56:34.000 --> 00:56:37.880
The group I was like, oh I need to get a date not with him. But with somebody else

1010
00:56:37.880 --> 00:56:41.520
I need to get myself occupied, you know, like right so

1011
00:56:42.520 --> 00:56:45.880
unfortunately, most of the guys I've been connected with aren't in this area, but um

1012
00:56:46.960 --> 00:56:48.520
And I don't want to mess up

1013
00:56:48.520 --> 00:56:53.600
I don't want to create a weird dynamic in the group because I actually really really like this group

1014
00:56:53.600 --> 00:56:58.960
and I've been looking for one for so long and I feel like it's like a

1015
00:56:59.120 --> 00:57:05.840
really beautiful group of older singles who really do life together and I feel like this is such as I had this

1016
00:57:06.200 --> 00:57:08.200
overwhelming piece about just

1017
00:57:09.120 --> 00:57:15.800
even this stuff with my parents and being afraid being single and having so much to deal with and I felt this piece of like

1018
00:57:15.800 --> 00:57:19.880
This is a group that they're really there for each other. So I don't want to I

1019
00:57:20.880 --> 00:57:27.160
Really do value that just as much as finding a husband, you know, so I don't want to mess it up

1020
00:57:27.160 --> 00:57:29.160
I know what you're saying. You're saying is you

1021
00:57:29.680 --> 00:57:34.160
Yeah, you're saying you don't want to make a move too soon and destroy the peace there

1022
00:57:34.160 --> 00:57:36.360
Like cuz you don't know how he's gonna now egg goes

1023
00:57:36.360 --> 00:57:41.160
You're gonna want to not be around if he's gonna get all weird about it. So extra friends about him

1024
00:57:41.680 --> 00:57:43.680
Yeah, that's it

1025
00:57:44.440 --> 00:57:46.080
Just say oh, you know

1026
00:57:46.080 --> 00:57:50.360
You can ask about some more people there and throw him in there and say so he seems like a great catch

1027
00:57:50.360 --> 00:57:55.920
I just wondered they see get to know him more chat with him more and then report back

1028
00:57:56.360 --> 00:58:00.000
Yeah, and keep myself from thinking about it

1029
00:58:00.560 --> 00:58:05.520
You can think about it. I just wouldn't think about him like he my husband. I will think about him like oh

1030
00:58:05.640 --> 00:58:07.640
How do I ask him for coffee?

1031
00:58:08.760 --> 00:58:13.000
Just two different ways you won't think about him. He's not your husband. So

1032
00:58:13.960 --> 00:58:15.960
I'm saying he's not my husband

1033
00:58:18.200 --> 00:58:20.200
Okay, all right

1034
00:58:20.840 --> 00:58:24.760
So that's good, it'll keep me in line I'll be thinking oh no, I don't want to think about that right now

1035
00:58:26.320 --> 00:58:30.280
Just choose what you think about him. Okay, that's good. Thank you

1036
00:58:30.280 --> 00:58:32.280
Oh

1037
00:58:49.680 --> 00:58:51.680
Hey Natalie

1038
00:58:55.400 --> 00:58:57.600
I'm so sorry. I was trying to unmute

1039
00:58:58.520 --> 00:59:01.340
Okay, I was a little spit of a struggle there

1040
00:59:02.960 --> 00:59:04.960
Patience ladies

1041
00:59:05.040 --> 00:59:07.040
You're okay

1042
00:59:08.040 --> 00:59:10.040
So, I really appreciate you

1043
00:59:10.360 --> 00:59:14.240
Addressing us going outside the box, which I have I really have made an effort

1044
00:59:15.240 --> 00:59:19.280
To talk and see people who I normally wouldn't and that's fine. Um

1045
00:59:20.560 --> 00:59:22.920
kind of two questions surrounding that

1046
00:59:23.640 --> 00:59:28.880
You know, I know that there's some hot topics and I know we discussed it last week about really what should

1047
00:59:29.400 --> 00:59:35.560
Most likely not be said or talked about or brought up or how we should be responding to things like that

1048
00:59:37.880 --> 00:59:40.040
That are I don't want to say inappropriate

1049
00:59:40.040 --> 00:59:43.800
But maybe a little bit too much too fast too soon in the beginning like how I was sharing

1050
00:59:43.960 --> 00:59:46.440
With you and the ladies last week about that guy

1051
00:59:47.640 --> 00:59:51.560
Who who had the the two divorces for being?

1052
00:59:51.560 --> 00:59:53.560
unfaithful

1053
00:59:53.560 --> 00:59:58.560
Emotionally and things like that after a three and a half hour conversation. So I know we talked about that

1054
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.040
our dates, you know, maybe not exceeding an hour.

1055
01:00:03.320 --> 01:00:08.440
I'm thinking maybe to be mindful about the phone, especially before meeting

1056
01:00:09.720 --> 01:00:13.200
when getting to know someone was kind of what cost my mind as well.

1057
01:00:13.840 --> 01:00:19.080
And but having said that, I've been, you know, reflecting actually about a gentleman

1058
01:00:19.080 --> 01:00:23.720
that I met almost two years ago, and I really, really liked him a lot.

1059
01:00:24.760 --> 01:00:27.560
He checked all the boxes,

1060
01:00:27.560 --> 01:00:30.720
but he wanted to have kids,

1061
01:00:31.280 --> 01:00:34.520
and I didn't, at least at that time.

1062
01:00:34.520 --> 01:00:38.880
So he was the one that brought it up on the first date

1063
01:00:39.520 --> 01:00:43.400
and asked if I wanted to have kids, and I answered him honestly.

1064
01:00:44.480 --> 01:00:47.960
So, you know, I was just thinking

1065
01:00:49.120 --> 01:00:51.640
it's so tough being in this phase about not.

1066
01:00:52.720 --> 01:00:56.520
Looking for a husband, because it's like a lot of these guys that reach out to me,

1067
01:00:56.520 --> 01:00:59.960
I just want to ask them these questions to weed them out quickly.

1068
01:01:00.280 --> 01:01:02.600
Like, you know, are you a practicing Christian?

1069
01:01:03.200 --> 01:01:07.680
You know, that's a, you know, which church do you go to?

1070
01:01:07.720 --> 01:01:09.800
You know, like, let's just get it out of the way.

1071
01:01:09.800 --> 01:01:11.800
Are you serious or not?

1072
01:01:11.800 --> 01:01:14.960
And part of it, I think, is also to protect myself, because

1073
01:01:16.160 --> 01:01:19.920
since that guy two years ago, I finally I mean,

1074
01:01:19.920 --> 01:01:25.080
I haven't been attracted to anybody or seen anyone like that since.

1075
01:01:25.880 --> 01:01:31.560
But this week, I connected with a guy on a hinge

1076
01:01:31.560 --> 01:01:33.840
and I am attracted to him.

1077
01:01:34.600 --> 01:01:37.200
And I haven't felt those

1078
01:01:37.840 --> 01:01:40.200
excited feelings like in a while.

1079
01:01:40.200 --> 01:01:44.200
And he's local, but there's nothing in his profile.

1080
01:01:45.160 --> 01:01:48.880
About being religious at all, like it's just nothing, it's just blank.

1081
01:01:49.000 --> 01:01:52.440
So we haven't talked about it, but we're both like real smitten.

1082
01:01:52.440 --> 01:01:54.600
We got the FaceTime convo.

1083
01:01:54.600 --> 01:01:58.800
He made reservations immediately at a very nice restaurant.

1084
01:01:58.800 --> 01:02:01.720
Our first date's Thursday.

1085
01:02:01.720 --> 01:02:06.160
And I'm thinking like, oh, I didn't see this coming.

1086
01:02:06.760 --> 01:02:12.240
The opposite, where I'm the one like attracted to them

1087
01:02:12.240 --> 01:02:15.560
and I'm not going to want it to end

1088
01:02:16.120 --> 01:02:20.640
if I know he's just not a practicing Christian.

1089
01:02:20.640 --> 01:02:25.120
I almost feel like obligated, at least at some point in the dating period,

1090
01:02:25.120 --> 01:02:27.640
to be like, you know, I don't think spiritually we're on the same page.

1091
01:02:27.640 --> 01:02:30.000
So I'm a little concerned.

1092
01:02:30.000 --> 01:02:32.040
Yeah. So are you saying, Natalie?

1093
01:02:33.200 --> 01:02:35.920
And your concern is when you like a person more,

1094
01:02:36.480 --> 01:02:39.680
you want to go ahead and get stuff up front because you like them.

1095
01:02:39.960 --> 01:02:42.640
And so instead of going out on the second or third date

1096
01:02:42.640 --> 01:02:46.640
and now you got to release a person because y'all don't align foundationally,

1097
01:02:47.080 --> 01:02:49.640
then you really get it out of the way at the very front.

1098
01:02:51.040 --> 01:02:52.280
Because I don't want to get invested.

1099
01:02:52.280 --> 01:02:53.640
Yeah. Right. It's hard.

1100
01:02:53.640 --> 01:02:56.640
I mean, I know I'm supposed to guard my heart and I know how to do that.

1101
01:02:57.120 --> 01:03:00.080
But I'm just saying, like, it makes me almost feel sad

1102
01:03:00.480 --> 01:03:04.120
or disappointed going in because I'm like, this is going to end.

1103
01:03:04.160 --> 01:03:06.280
And I really don't want it to.

1104
01:03:06.280 --> 01:03:08.640
I know. I know. It's like.

1105
01:03:11.240 --> 01:03:13.760
Oh, no, no. That's a real thing.

1106
01:03:14.400 --> 01:03:17.000
It's called we talked about this in one of our sessions.

1107
01:03:17.080 --> 01:03:19.160
Remember releasing the good for the great?

1108
01:03:20.120 --> 01:03:22.280
Yeah, but you're not great.

1109
01:03:22.280 --> 01:03:26.120
And how hard it is to release is one thing to release something that ain't good.

1110
01:03:26.120 --> 01:03:30.600
Like, oh, but we're good, but it ain't great.

1111
01:03:31.720 --> 01:03:34.200
Right. And so that's a real thing.

1112
01:03:34.200 --> 01:03:36.280
I want to acknowledge that for you, Natalie.

1113
01:03:36.280 --> 01:03:41.200
I believe that you can date a person and you can ask all these questions up front.

1114
01:03:43.520 --> 01:03:46.960
You do it like it's no problem.

1115
01:03:46.960 --> 01:03:49.880
Men, when they date, if they're serious about a wife,

1116
01:03:50.440 --> 01:03:52.480
they hit you hard with these questions.

1117
01:03:52.720 --> 01:03:56.080
If they're serious about wanting children, men, they've never been coached.

1118
01:03:56.080 --> 01:03:58.320
So they're not going to waste their time with a woman that don't want children.

1119
01:03:58.320 --> 01:04:00.400
They probably do waste their time at some point with a woman.

1120
01:04:00.400 --> 01:04:03.920
They want to say they want children and turn back on them.

1121
01:04:03.920 --> 01:04:04.960
And they really want children.

1122
01:04:04.960 --> 01:04:07.200
So they like, look, if you don't want children to tell me now,

1123
01:04:07.200 --> 01:04:09.320
this ain't going to work, I want a wife that want children.

1124
01:04:09.600 --> 01:04:11.760
That's the real thing. And men do it all the time.

1125
01:04:12.520 --> 01:04:16.000
Now, the reason why we caution women not to do it,

1126
01:04:16.000 --> 01:04:18.720
even men shouldn't do it necessarily.

1127
01:04:19.080 --> 01:04:23.000
There is a discovery process that needs to happen.

1128
01:04:23.240 --> 01:04:26.080
And when you know certain things up front,

1129
01:04:27.200 --> 01:04:30.720
it doesn't happen. So they tell you like my friend, she,

1130
01:04:31.800 --> 01:04:35.760
well, she's in the program, but she went on a date, but she's in a higher year.

1131
01:04:35.760 --> 01:04:40.120
We were already friends. She's not a year, but she's in the phase three.

1132
01:04:40.640 --> 01:04:41.480
And she has been for a while,

1133
01:04:41.480 --> 01:04:44.960
but we already friends because we were church members. She met this guy.

1134
01:04:45.440 --> 01:04:50.000
He checked every box. She came back from the date. Oh, he loves God.

1135
01:04:50.400 --> 01:04:54.120
He's da da da da da. He, and he's six feet. Can you believe it?

1136
01:04:54.640 --> 01:04:56.520
And he actually had the green shirt on that.

1137
01:04:56.520 --> 01:04:59.840
Somebody told me that they saw in a dream and he loves God.

1138
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.600
Yeah, he loved him. Yes, he loves God. And he's been over a small group and she named all these

1139
01:05:05.600 --> 01:05:12.720
things. I said, okay, how do you know he loves God? He said it. I said, really? He said he loves

1140
01:05:12.720 --> 01:05:19.440
God? She's like, yeah, he loves him. He, I could feel it. He loves God. But while on the second

1141
01:05:19.440 --> 01:05:25.280
date, he tried to get her to have sex with him. Oh, come on. By the time they got to the second

1142
01:05:25.280 --> 01:05:30.080
date, she had already planned for this man that loves God because he said he loved God.

1143
01:05:30.080 --> 01:05:34.880
She already planned for this man who's in the men's ministry because he leads a men's ministry.

1144
01:05:34.880 --> 01:05:40.160
She'd already planned for this man who has a business, who has these things. She planned for

1145
01:05:40.160 --> 01:05:46.240
him just a few days because he checked every box, but there had not been observation. That means

1146
01:05:46.240 --> 01:05:52.320
there has not been proof. It's just like when one person said, oh, he's so generous. I said,

1147
01:05:52.320 --> 01:05:58.480
yeah. How do you know? He said it. I said, right. How do you know? I said it again. He said it.

1148
01:05:58.480 --> 01:06:02.480
I said, so he didn't have an opportunity to show you his generosity. Well, no.

1149
01:06:04.320 --> 01:06:08.720
What happens in this process is that when you ask a lot of questions and you think they're

1150
01:06:08.720 --> 01:06:13.600
checking boxes, you don't observe like you should anymore. And what happens is when they do

1151
01:06:13.600 --> 01:06:20.560
something opposite, you say back to them, well, you say it. Well, you say it. Well, you say it.

1152
01:06:20.560 --> 01:06:26.480
And what happens as a woman, we believe when a man says something that that is true because women

1153
01:06:26.480 --> 01:06:34.240
generally don't say who they are not because we believe what you say is real. That's how a woman

1154
01:06:34.240 --> 01:06:38.960
generally is. Like if a woman says something, we use our words. That's how we express ourselves.

1155
01:06:39.600 --> 01:06:46.320
We think that, oh, okay. We think that's the way it is. But men observe women to make a decision

1156
01:06:46.320 --> 01:06:52.720
about who they are because it's wise to be observatory. And so I'm saying, Nelly, that's

1157
01:06:52.720 --> 01:06:57.200
the only, sometimes people can tell you what you want to hear and you're still going to go through

1158
01:06:57.200 --> 01:07:01.440
that process and you're going to be even more disappointed because you're going to believe

1159
01:07:01.440 --> 01:07:06.000
something about them they have not yet shown you. And you're going to take them at their word,

1160
01:07:06.000 --> 01:07:09.440
even though you say, well, I'm going to take you at their word and watch you. But they've already

1161
01:07:09.440 --> 01:07:14.560
planted a seed about who they are when they could, should be planting the seed by showing you who

1162
01:07:14.560 --> 01:07:20.480
they are and you build upon what they show you. That makes sense.

1163
01:07:20.480 --> 01:07:27.040
What if it's the opposite though? Like what if he's not putting that he's Christian or practicing,

1164
01:07:27.040 --> 01:07:30.320
but like he's showing me the fruits of the spirit.

1165
01:07:30.320 --> 01:07:34.000
I meant to bring that back. I'm glad you said something else about that too. Just, yeah.

1166
01:07:35.920 --> 01:07:39.600
I've talked to, even in this program, a lot of Christian men that don't put that they're

1167
01:07:39.600 --> 01:07:45.600
Christian on their profile. I can't tell you how many women I know had dates with me and it's not,

1168
01:07:45.600 --> 01:07:50.160
it's not on their profile at all. And some of the reasons, and Jack had shared this before,

1169
01:07:50.160 --> 01:07:53.280
some of the men in our program said the reason why they don't put it, because women are just

1170
01:07:53.280 --> 01:07:58.240
looking for somebody to make a baby with them. They want a family and they, they want a Christian

1171
01:07:58.240 --> 01:08:02.080
man so they can have a family because they've always wanted a family. And they said they get

1172
01:08:02.080 --> 01:08:06.320
tired of women. It feels like they're being used by women just being like, oh, you're Christian.

1173
01:08:06.320 --> 01:08:12.000
Oh, you this? Oh, we're perfect together. And so a lot of Christian men said they don't put it on

1174
01:08:12.000 --> 01:08:16.479
their profile. I've met men who were believers that didn't have it on their profile. I think I

1175
01:08:16.479 --> 01:08:21.760
have. When I talked to them, they said, you know, whatever. I don't necessarily have to see that on

1176
01:08:21.760 --> 01:08:28.479
the profile, but it is a real thing. I've had too many men to see it. And we know for a fact from

1177
01:08:28.479 --> 01:08:34.800
even the men in our program that don't put Christian on their profile. So that's a real

1178
01:08:34.800 --> 01:08:40.240
thing. Now they put something like spiritual agnostic, like that's a no-go for me. It's not

1179
01:08:40.240 --> 01:08:43.680
even no point. I don't even know what we're going to talk about when we go to coffee. You know,

1180
01:08:43.680 --> 01:08:51.920
I'm just saying like, that's, that's just a no-go for me, but yeah. So I think that we should get

1181
01:08:51.920 --> 01:08:56.319
to know a person, even if a person is not a believer. And sometimes we feel like we don't

1182
01:08:56.319 --> 01:09:01.920
have time for dates. I'm looking for a husband. Trust me, Nella, as you start weaning people out

1183
01:09:01.920 --> 01:09:07.040
and let people rise to the top, you're going to start zoning in on a man that rises to the top

1184
01:09:07.040 --> 01:09:15.600
for spiritual DNA. Because we have a foundation for a man. Is he marriage minded? Is he mature?

1185
01:09:15.600 --> 01:09:22.399
And is he masculine? But God is going to take a man, this is for all of y'all,

1186
01:09:23.200 --> 01:09:30.000
that is usually the opposite of you to sharpen you, to birth out of you, to help bring forth

1187
01:09:30.000 --> 01:09:34.720
and cultivate the areas in you that need to be cultivated. And that's why most people,

1188
01:09:34.720 --> 01:09:40.399
husbands aren't just like them. No two spouses are just alike or they're going to have a very

1189
01:09:40.399 --> 01:09:45.279
boring life because they're just alike. But you need somebody that's going to ruffle your

1190
01:09:45.279 --> 01:09:49.680
feathers and hit your triggers to heal those broken places in you, because that's what

1191
01:09:49.680 --> 01:09:56.640
happens in marriage. It is God's maturity plan and you can't be mature, you can't be mature

1192
01:09:56.640 --> 01:10:00.160
if there's nobody there to mature you and they just don't come.

1193
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.040
the way we want them packaged. But they should be committed to righteousness.

1194
01:10:07.040 --> 01:10:13.440
Right? They should be committed to masculinity. They should be committed to maturity. They

1195
01:10:13.440 --> 01:10:20.080
should have a teachable heart. They should be integrous. Those are solid things that a man

1196
01:10:20.080 --> 01:10:25.600
should carry, but they're not going to always look. Most of the time, they don't. Because

1197
01:10:25.600 --> 01:10:32.240
they come packaged to help uproot in you what needs to be uprooted and healed and made whole

1198
01:10:32.240 --> 01:10:35.600
so that you can go together forth and get kingdom work done.

1199
01:10:36.480 --> 01:10:38.160
That's nice. Thank you.

1200
01:10:38.160 --> 01:10:43.680
You're welcome. Marlee. Oh, Lord.

1201
01:10:45.200 --> 01:10:45.520
Hello.

1202
01:10:46.320 --> 01:10:48.800
Hey, Marlee. How you doing, girl?

1203
01:10:48.800 --> 01:10:49.680
Good. Yourself?

1204
01:10:50.640 --> 01:10:53.120
I'm good. It's so good to see you tonight.

1205
01:10:53.120 --> 01:10:57.120
Nice to see you. I'm cooking, so that's why my camera was off.

1206
01:10:57.120 --> 01:10:58.160
Oh, you're okay.

1207
01:10:58.160 --> 01:11:08.400
Yeah. So two things. One, so I had posted way back about a male colleague who is in another city.

1208
01:11:08.960 --> 01:11:09.600
Yeah.

1209
01:11:09.600 --> 01:11:16.560
So he did come to town, and we did meet for coffee.

1210
01:11:17.440 --> 01:11:17.920
Coffee?

1211
01:11:22.000 --> 01:11:30.640
It was weird because as he was preparing to come, he started calling me. In his messages,

1212
01:11:30.640 --> 01:11:38.800
he started referring to me as a friend, my friend. And I was like, oh, that's interesting how he's

1213
01:11:39.520 --> 01:11:42.400
he's using different words.

1214
01:11:42.400 --> 01:11:50.400
So anyway, so we did meet for coffee. He came all the way to the area where I live, but it was

1215
01:11:52.880 --> 01:11:59.680
awkward. It was awkward because at first he was not looking at me at all. And somebody was saying

1216
01:11:59.680 --> 01:12:08.320
that earlier. I think it was Lisa who was saying that the guy was shy, so he was not really looking

1217
01:12:08.320 --> 01:12:15.040
at her. And I think that's probably what it was, but I didn't pick up on it right away. I was just

1218
01:12:15.040 --> 01:12:22.400
baffled. And so we had the conversation, and he kept talking and talking and talking. Oh,

1219
01:12:22.400 --> 01:12:27.680
my goodness, my computer is going to die, the laptop. Let me just go up so I can

1220
01:12:29.040 --> 01:12:30.000
Put it on a charger.

1221
01:12:30.000 --> 01:12:37.600
Yeah, put it on a charger. So that's what happened, and it didn't really go anywhere.

1222
01:12:37.600 --> 01:12:45.760
So he went back to his city, and we've been interacting like colleagues since, right? Nothing

1223
01:12:46.320 --> 01:12:56.240
else. No exchanges, no really text messages on our personal cell phones anymore or anything.

1224
01:12:56.240 --> 01:13:01.680
So I think he kind of died there, and he had said that he was going to come back to town

1225
01:13:02.240 --> 01:13:09.280
to see me this summer. But yesterday in a work email, he said, oh yeah, but I'll be coming in

1226
01:13:09.280 --> 01:13:21.760
September. So things change, and I think there's still issues with his ex. So I think that it was

1227
01:13:21.760 --> 01:13:28.640
a nice date. We had a chat, which towards the end became more professional than anything,

1228
01:13:29.600 --> 01:13:39.360
and that was the end of it, right? But I also registered on Salt, and for whatever reason,

1229
01:13:40.560 --> 01:13:47.040
there was this person that is in the US, and as you know, I'm in Canada. And I don't know,

1230
01:13:47.040 --> 01:13:52.320
there was something about him that I liked about his profile, the picture. So I just

1231
01:13:52.320 --> 01:13:57.440
sent a message saying that it was a beautiful picture, and we've been communicating. But

1232
01:13:58.720 --> 01:14:09.680
I put a question on the Ask a Coach section today, because after three messages, I think he asked,

1233
01:14:10.560 --> 01:14:20.560
how do I feel about relocating, and do I foresee an issue about the fact that he's Baptist,

1234
01:14:21.200 --> 01:14:28.400
and I go to a Pentecostal church? So I was thinking, that's a bit early. So I said,

1235
01:14:28.400 --> 01:14:32.560
I don't know enough about being a Baptist, that Baptist shouldn't know anything,

1236
01:14:32.560 --> 01:14:42.480
and about the relocation, I will have to get back to him. But now he came back, and he said,

1237
01:14:43.440 --> 01:14:50.880
I'm open to relocating, as long as it's warm weather most of the time, because he's retired.

1238
01:14:50.880 --> 01:14:59.920
For as far as denominations go, I do not think it's a bad idea to relocate.

1239
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.360
see any problem as long as both people respect each other's methods of worship.

1240
01:15:05.360 --> 01:15:11.360
What is a deal-breaker though would be someone who is caught up in the health

1241
01:15:11.360 --> 01:15:17.200
and wealth prosperity ministry. That's where I draw the line have a peaceful

1242
01:15:17.200 --> 01:15:19.280
and blessed day. I have no idea what that means.

1243
01:15:19.280 --> 01:15:24.240
Have you seen like you know people who say um I don't know what you mean by health and

1244
01:15:24.240 --> 01:15:26.560
wealth but I think he's trying to say like um

1245
01:15:29.200 --> 01:15:32.960
prosperity gospel what they call prosperity gospel.

1246
01:15:32.960 --> 01:15:33.760
Yeah but what is it?

1247
01:15:34.800 --> 01:15:41.840
Like when they teach that God wants you to be prosperous um yeah that God doesn't want you

1248
01:15:41.840 --> 01:15:47.440
poor he wants you to be prosperous like God wants you to have money he wants you to have wealth.

1249
01:15:48.480 --> 01:15:50.720
Okay so that's prosperity gospel.

1250
01:15:50.720 --> 01:15:52.080
Mm-hmm pretty much.

1251
01:15:52.720 --> 01:15:58.240
Okay okay okay yeah um yeah.

1252
01:16:00.640 --> 01:16:03.760
What what did you say to that?

1253
01:16:03.760 --> 01:16:12.080
I mean I just it's it's just it's let me give a coaching response hold up.

1254
01:16:17.920 --> 01:16:20.480
You would have another response as well I assume.

1255
01:16:21.200 --> 01:16:26.240
I'm like like what the heck who goes into all of that?

1256
01:16:26.240 --> 01:16:27.760
Like what are you talking about?

1257
01:16:27.760 --> 01:16:30.320
I don't think I'm preaching health and wealth shut up.

1258
01:16:30.320 --> 01:16:32.320
You want to preach broken poor?

1259
01:16:32.320 --> 01:16:34.080
What you want to be sick and poor?

1260
01:16:34.080 --> 01:16:35.120
What do you want?

1261
01:16:35.120 --> 01:16:36.400
What's God like?

1262
01:16:41.200 --> 01:16:44.160
You should message him back do you want to be sick and poor?

1263
01:16:45.200 --> 01:16:47.120
I mean sick you'll be yes.

1264
01:16:48.080 --> 01:16:54.560
Yeah I could just say oh thank you so much for sharing.

1265
01:16:55.680 --> 01:16:57.360
This is oh thanks for sharing.

1266
01:17:00.960 --> 01:17:08.480
Yeah I was thinking like all three questions the the one about the relocation,

1267
01:17:08.480 --> 01:17:14.160
the one about being Baptist and the one now about health and prosperity gospel were

1268
01:17:14.960 --> 01:17:19.760
early it's like I said I think it's the third chat message that we've had.

1269
01:17:20.960 --> 01:17:25.520
Men move a little more quickly if they feel like there's something that they want.

1270
01:17:25.520 --> 01:17:30.560
They know that usually time most time it takes a greater investment for men because

1271
01:17:30.560 --> 01:17:33.040
they're going to start putting their money into this woman.

1272
01:17:33.040 --> 01:17:37.120
He's going to put money into traveling so that means he's you know I'm saying he's

1273
01:17:37.120 --> 01:17:38.960
not going to be looking to you to do something.

1274
01:17:38.960 --> 01:17:40.720
So he's like well let's get this out of the way.

1275
01:17:40.720 --> 01:17:41.600
That's how men are.

1276
01:17:41.600 --> 01:17:45.440
Let's get the because they feel like they're going to be footing most of it and in dating

1277
01:17:45.440 --> 01:17:51.600
men do generally foot dinners and also they're thinking about financial investments and it's

1278
01:17:51.600 --> 01:17:54.160
like there's no point in investing in this if this ain't this.

1279
01:17:54.160 --> 01:17:57.360
It's kind of like Natalie said how about I just say up front what it's going to be and

1280
01:17:57.360 --> 01:17:59.200
you can tell me whether you want it or not.

1281
01:17:59.200 --> 01:18:03.440
That's what he just did and that's what I was telling that a lot of time men do that

1282
01:18:03.440 --> 01:18:09.600
very very quickly and he's just saying like if you enter this I don't want that.

1283
01:18:09.600 --> 01:18:10.880
You're not willing to relocate.

1284
01:18:10.880 --> 01:18:16.240
I'm willing to relocate to you but really Marley the response is like hey you shared

1285
01:18:16.240 --> 01:18:17.200
a lot.

1286
01:18:17.200 --> 01:18:20.240
I usually go much slower and just get to know a person first.

1287
01:18:22.320 --> 01:18:25.680
If you want to get to know him you can say so if you're interested in chatting and getting

1288
01:18:25.680 --> 01:18:27.600
to know each other I would enjoy that.

1289
01:18:27.600 --> 01:18:28.160
That's it.

1290
01:18:28.160 --> 01:18:30.400
Don't respond to will you move?

1291
01:18:30.400 --> 01:18:31.360
Will you this?

1292
01:18:31.360 --> 01:18:32.880
Is it sick and poor?

1293
01:18:32.880 --> 01:18:34.160
Wealth and rich?

1294
01:18:34.160 --> 01:18:34.960
Whatever.

1295
01:18:34.960 --> 01:18:37.680
Just don't even just say hey thanks for sharing.

1296
01:18:39.600 --> 01:18:40.320
Thank you Lori.

1297
01:18:41.440 --> 01:18:42.080
What did she say?

1298
01:18:42.720 --> 01:18:44.080
She said as long as we're poor.

1299
01:18:47.680 --> 01:18:54.800
But that's funny because before he said that about the wealth and prosperity gospel I was

1300
01:18:54.800 --> 01:19:07.360
thinking weirdly surprisingly I found myself not being opposed to the actual idea of possibly

1301
01:19:07.360 --> 01:19:13.440
I know I'm adding a lot of words but I was I was surprised that I was not well forget

1302
01:19:13.440 --> 01:19:21.760
it like next up that I was open to at least getting learning to get to know the person

1303
01:19:21.760 --> 01:19:22.560
you know.

1304
01:19:22.560 --> 01:19:28.080
I was I was surprised but that last title threw me off.

1305
01:19:29.120 --> 01:19:32.800
Yeah he's strong about that but I wouldn't even give feedback even if he talked about

1306
01:19:32.800 --> 01:19:35.040
just say hey I really do want to get to know you.

1307
01:19:35.040 --> 01:19:37.760
There's no need to talk about difference of theology right now.

1308
01:19:38.560 --> 01:19:38.960
Okay.

1309
01:19:39.760 --> 01:19:42.640
Yeah you're a person you're not a theology.

1310
01:19:43.280 --> 01:19:44.880
Okay thank you.

1311
01:19:44.880 --> 01:19:46.560
You're welcome that's a good question.

1312
01:19:47.280 --> 01:19:50.720
Um I'm about to mess up your name again.

1313
01:19:52.640 --> 01:19:54.400
It's not Sophia it's

1314
01:19:58.960 --> 01:19:59.680
Sifiso.

1315
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:11.880
Sofiso! Yes. Hey Sofiso! Hi, hi. Yay. Okay, I have some updates and then a question. Okay.

1316
01:20:11.880 --> 01:20:20.560
So I went on a date with, I went on a fishing date. We just like, we didn't, we weren't

1317
01:20:20.560 --> 01:20:25.920
gonna eat anything we caught though, because it was the Hudson River, so yuck, but we just

1318
01:20:25.920 --> 01:20:34.280
spent about an hour fishing, and I was like, this is a really nice date idea, you know?

1319
01:20:34.280 --> 01:20:40.640
It like, it was cute and flirty and stuff. I honestly, I don't know, he lives in Michigan,

1320
01:20:40.640 --> 01:20:46.600
I live in New York, and you know, he says he comes here a lot, but I don't know, but

1321
01:20:46.600 --> 01:20:58.000
I did go on a date, and okay, I'm talking to two people. One person is an artist and

1322
01:20:58.000 --> 01:21:03.040
is very communicative, which I really like. I love the way that he speaks about the Lord,

1323
01:21:03.040 --> 01:21:07.800
you know, it feels like there's, you know, he talks about creating with God and all of

1324
01:21:07.800 --> 01:21:13.960
that and in Jesus' name, and it's really beautiful to listen to, and he's also communicative.

1325
01:21:13.960 --> 01:21:19.040
One thing I'll say is he just lost his dad, and so he's like working through that, and

1326
01:21:19.040 --> 01:21:25.520
you know, he'll say it's manifesting as tiredness, his grief is sort of showing up as being physically

1327
01:21:25.520 --> 01:21:32.360
tired and like, we've been voice noting. Something I've started doing is just voice noting people

1328
01:21:32.360 --> 01:21:40.240
because people see my name, and they're like, and then I say I'm from Bulawayo, Zimbabwe,

1329
01:21:40.240 --> 01:21:44.720
and then when I show up speaking like this, they're like, oh, you have an accent. I'm

1330
01:21:44.720 --> 01:21:53.480
like, let's cut to the chase, to a voice note, so you hear straight up that I'm from somewhere,

1331
01:21:53.480 --> 01:21:58.320
you know, and it's been working. A lot of people are like, wow, this is so nice. I didn't

1332
01:21:58.320 --> 01:22:03.720
even know there was a voice note function on here, so that's been fun, but we've been

1333
01:22:03.720 --> 01:22:10.080
voice noting, and something that happened on Sunday is I had sent him a message on Saturday

1334
01:22:10.080 --> 01:22:15.880
evening before I went to a birthday party, and then he wrote back. He was like, oh, I've

1335
01:22:15.880 --> 01:22:22.800
been so busy, and I'm a little tired to respond, but I was walking down the subway steps and

1336
01:22:22.800 --> 01:22:27.800
heard this horn player playing, and I thought, man, have I got something for Sifiso, and

1337
01:22:27.800 --> 01:22:33.960
he sent me like a three-minute voice note of this beautiful jazz music by the F train,

1338
01:22:33.960 --> 01:22:40.300
and I thought, oh, that's like, what beautiful communication to communicate the boundary

1339
01:22:40.300 --> 01:22:50.080
that I can't right now, but I will send a voice note soon, and I did appreciate that.

1340
01:22:50.080 --> 01:22:55.000
Haven't heard from him, so, you know, I don't know. Like you say, people need to show you

1341
01:22:55.000 --> 01:22:59.640
who they are, like you need to observe. I'm really feeling that, but I did think it was

1342
01:22:59.640 --> 01:23:06.640
thoughtful, and then this other man, I have a question. He lives in D.C., so it's long

1343
01:23:06.640 --> 01:23:14.120
distance, and I'm curious, the question really is about the, like we talked on the phone.

1344
01:23:14.120 --> 01:23:19.120
I think we talked for too long. I started to just get crazy and say all kinds of things,

1345
01:23:19.120 --> 01:23:26.120
and I was like, I need to get off the phone real quick. I like, I was hallucinating, I

1346
01:23:26.120 --> 01:23:32.760
swear. I would say at one point, I was like, I need to get off the phone. Why am I still

1347
01:23:32.760 --> 01:23:41.560
speaking? Shut up. You know, swallow the words, but yeah, I don't know. I'm like curious about

1348
01:23:41.560 --> 01:23:46.760
how to do that. He's coming here on the 19th of next month. He's like, he confirmed today

1349
01:23:46.840 --> 01:23:51.640
that he's booked his tickets, and he's got friends that he's coming to see, but you know,

1350
01:23:51.640 --> 01:23:57.640
we've made plans to connect on that weekend, so I don't know. I'm just curious about the

1351
01:23:57.640 --> 01:24:03.800
interim. How much time is too much time on the phone? I don't want to get into that rhythm,

1352
01:24:03.800 --> 01:24:09.560
like in the course, you know, videos. It's like, don't be talking to these guys forever.

1353
01:24:09.560 --> 01:24:13.160
I don't know. I have quit. I just, yeah, I'm curious about what you think.

1354
01:24:13.960 --> 01:24:19.320
So, if you really like him, you're going to talk a lot, unless you have a lot of discipline,

1355
01:24:20.200 --> 01:24:25.960
and you tell yourself what to do, and yourself obeys you. So, but these are two things that can

1356
01:24:26.680 --> 01:24:32.280
happen, just to give you a pain of outcome for you. If you like him a lot, and you just start

1357
01:24:32.280 --> 01:24:37.560
talking every day, not every, you know, all the time, lots of time, you're getting yourself one

1358
01:24:37.640 --> 01:24:43.480
used to talking to him, used to making him a part of your life, and then he shows up,

1359
01:24:43.480 --> 01:24:50.440
and it's like, oh, I'm really not that into you, but you've already made him a part of your day-to-day

1360
01:24:50.440 --> 01:24:55.880
conversations, and now you got to also remove him from that. Yeah. You got to feel that sting.

1361
01:24:55.880 --> 01:24:59.880
Yeah. Right? Yeah. But you can...

1362
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.360
take it and pace out your time and you can tell him like I'm really into you, I look forward to

1363
01:25:05.360 --> 01:25:10.160
seeing you, but I don't want to build too much before we experience each other in person. So

1364
01:25:10.160 --> 01:25:15.520
let's pace out our talking until we meet each other because you want a part of getting to

1365
01:25:15.520 --> 01:25:20.160
know a person is not just on the phone, you really do have to experience them. Yeah.

1366
01:25:21.680 --> 01:25:26.000
Because it's different. It's going to be very different when you get around them.

1367
01:25:26.000 --> 01:25:30.880
Experience trumps phone conversations. And a lot of times you'll start to develop an emotional

1368
01:25:30.880 --> 01:25:34.800
connection, even if you're not talking about things, but you just, they're there and you get

1369
01:25:34.800 --> 01:25:39.840
used to it. And then when it doesn't line up, when you meet them in person, it's very disappointing.

1370
01:25:39.840 --> 01:25:43.760
And so the reason why I wanted to paint a picture for you of like what that outcome

1371
01:25:43.760 --> 01:25:48.080
could look like is so that even if you do want to talk to him, you understand

1372
01:25:48.160 --> 01:25:56.640
what you're waging here. Right. And so then also, let's say you get, he was okay, but you really

1373
01:25:56.640 --> 01:26:00.800
don't like him that much, but you've already made a habit of talking every day. So now you got to

1374
01:26:00.800 --> 01:26:07.440
show enough telling him, I really am not interested, you know, but if you don't do it that way and you

1375
01:26:07.440 --> 01:26:13.120
pace it when you meet him, so like, it was great meeting you. I don't feel like we have much in

1376
01:26:13.120 --> 01:26:17.840
common though. I don't feel like we're going to be a good fit. And here's why you wouldn't have

1377
01:26:17.840 --> 01:26:24.640
had all that equity of talking every day. You already paced it out. Yeah. That's good. And

1378
01:26:24.640 --> 01:26:31.120
you've already set the outline that I'm going to experience you before I make a decision. Yeah.

1379
01:26:31.840 --> 01:26:38.160
Instead of I'm sold on you. I can't wait to see you. Yeah. Two different things. And it changes

1380
01:26:38.160 --> 01:26:43.040
the expectation that he's going to expect from you as well. Yeah, that's really good.

1381
01:26:44.720 --> 01:26:50.240
Thank you. You're welcome. I'm excited for you. All right. So

1382
01:26:50.240 --> 01:27:10.960
Laurie. Okay. So since last week, I, I've set up a eHarmony and Facebook dating. Yeah. And I've been

1383
01:27:10.960 --> 01:27:17.520
talking to a guy from Chicago. Laurie, I'm sorry to interrupt you. Give me one second. So you guys,

1384
01:27:17.920 --> 01:27:24.560
we're well over time. It's 8.15. You can feel free to leave if you want. Felicia, Hannah, and Megan,

1385
01:27:24.560 --> 01:27:29.680
the reason why I jumped to Laurie because she hadn't asked a question. If you don't mind,

1386
01:27:29.680 --> 01:27:35.280
will you type your question in the comments and so, or write it out so that when you do

1387
01:27:35.280 --> 01:27:39.440
ask it, it'll be like really quick and I can give you a response. But if it's something that's a

1388
01:27:39.440 --> 01:27:44.480
little bit more in detail, I'm going to ask you to post it on the wall because it'll be my third

1389
01:27:44.480 --> 01:27:47.920
time going over time again. So I can't go over time though. We just went over time. I'm going to

1390
01:27:47.920 --> 01:27:51.920
let Laurie talk, but I want you guys to know that I recognize you and I'm not ignoring you. And if

1391
01:27:51.920 --> 01:27:56.160
you want to post it in the comments, when I read it, I can quickly respond just what it is, or you

1392
01:27:56.160 --> 01:28:03.440
could post it on the community wall. Is that okay? Okay. So you know, I don't, I don't have a burning

1393
01:28:03.440 --> 01:28:13.440
question right now. Okay. All right. Yep. So signed up on two sites and yeah, I tried to get out of,

1394
01:28:13.440 --> 01:28:20.080
I've had lots of things come up. I've like tried to get emailed eHarmony to cancel it. Cause I just

1395
01:28:20.080 --> 01:28:26.160
like, it was just like overload for my mind and then couldn't get out of it. Like just noticing

1396
01:28:26.160 --> 01:28:34.320
behaviors. Yeah. But now today somebody that's just a half an hour away reached out to me

1397
01:28:34.320 --> 01:28:45.040
and he looks like a really great possibility. Like he went to the same college, which is in,

1398
01:28:45.040 --> 01:28:52.560
in the town I'm in. So we've just exchanged a few messages, but both went to the same college and

1399
01:28:54.160 --> 01:28:58.880
both from Northern California, like grew up in Northern California, which I think is really

1400
01:28:58.880 --> 01:29:06.320
interesting. We haven't gotten too far into the conversation, but he's, he's rugged and masculine

1401
01:29:06.320 --> 01:29:11.920
and not, he's an executive, but he doesn't look like an executive. He looks more like somebody

1402
01:29:11.920 --> 01:29:18.880
that'd be like a mountain bike riding type. So like flannel shirt, but like groomed. Yeah.

1403
01:29:20.480 --> 01:29:25.840
So very different, very different from who I normally talk to. And then I'm talking to another

1404
01:29:25.840 --> 01:29:33.120
guy in Chicago and not super interested in him. Like he, he, it's just kind of like, he,

1405
01:29:33.760 --> 01:29:41.280
he sends, like, he just sent all this list of like society things that he's doing. And like,

1406
01:29:41.280 --> 01:29:46.480
there was no like heart in it. And this, the countenance on this guy is just like all heart.

1407
01:29:46.480 --> 01:29:53.120
And the one that I'm talking to now that's close. So it's like, I'm just not into like,

1408
01:29:55.840 --> 01:29:59.440
you know, dropping names of these.

1409
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.200
oppressive societies that I belong to, or being in that type of community.

1410
01:30:09.080 --> 01:30:11.840
I'm more into like, worship on the dune.

1411
01:30:14.320 --> 01:30:16.440
That's, that's what's coming up this Saturday.

1412
01:30:16.440 --> 01:30:18.880
That's more like, yeah.

1413
01:30:18.880 --> 01:30:22.240
Or, you know, something, uh, music in the park.

1414
01:30:23.680 --> 01:30:27.720
That sort of wouldn't have to be music could be jazz, whatever, but so it's

1415
01:30:27.720 --> 01:30:29.520
just interesting side by side.

1416
01:30:29.600 --> 01:30:34.200
Um, but I, yeah, I've definitely, I've gotten, definitely have had my

1417
01:30:34.200 --> 01:30:39.520
opportunities with triggers and notice that right after he sent that list of

1418
01:30:39.520 --> 01:30:44.240
things that was just like a list of all the things he's doing this summer.

1419
01:30:44.240 --> 01:30:46.920
And he's like somebody who's super active.

1420
01:30:48.000 --> 01:30:51.800
And, um, but he didn't ask any questions about me.

1421
01:30:52.440 --> 01:30:56.440
I called him an asshole in my head.

1422
01:30:57.280 --> 01:31:01.240
And I realized that except for it wasn't that nice.

1423
01:31:01.240 --> 01:31:02.840
I'm like, what an asshole?

1424
01:31:03.120 --> 01:31:04.960
Like, and I realized, Oh, wow.

1425
01:31:04.960 --> 01:31:05.840
Like, okay.

1426
01:31:06.000 --> 01:31:07.880
Why is, why is that coming up?

1427
01:31:07.880 --> 01:31:14.360
It's because he, he didn't ask anything about me and I didn't feel like he, like

1428
01:31:14.360 --> 01:31:18.760
he wanted to know me or cared about it being, and he really wasn't very two way

1429
01:31:18.760 --> 01:31:20.440
about the last thing that he said.

1430
01:31:21.200 --> 01:31:27.480
Um, but I just, you know, I was myself and I responded back with taking

1431
01:31:27.480 --> 01:31:30.240
interest in what he's talking about.

1432
01:31:30.280 --> 01:31:39.400
And, um, but this time I'm like, I feel like I want to say, Hey, thanks so much.

1433
01:31:39.520 --> 01:31:44.000
I also had the opportunity to chat on a phone, the phone call, like a zoom

1434
01:31:44.000 --> 01:31:47.720
call with somebody who's in Holland and was able to end that one.

1435
01:31:47.720 --> 01:31:54.800
Cause he's just, was not at all, just not at all interesting to me.

1436
01:31:55.800 --> 01:32:00.440
And so I, I just had the opportunity to say, Hey, thanks so much for

1437
01:32:00.440 --> 01:32:03.000
the opportunity to get to know you.

1438
01:32:03.160 --> 01:32:07.640
Um, I'm not feeling a romantic connection and wish you all the best.

1439
01:32:08.080 --> 01:32:12.440
So when he just messaged back and he said, thank you for, thanks for your honesty.

1440
01:32:12.440 --> 01:32:17.680
And I said, I said, yeah, I said, I, uh, yeah, I said, yeah, for sure.

1441
01:32:17.680 --> 01:32:20.520
And, and he said, um, I wish you well.

1442
01:32:20.520 --> 01:32:21.920
And I said, Hey, thanks you too.

1443
01:32:22.200 --> 01:32:30.640
So that was, uh, and I, I don't either that, or I could maybe have a phone

1444
01:32:30.640 --> 01:32:34.280
conversation, like a zoom conversation with this other guy just to practice.

1445
01:32:34.280 --> 01:32:39.720
Cause, uh, society guy, but I don't.

1446
01:32:42.320 --> 01:32:42.640
No.

1447
01:32:42.640 --> 01:32:43.040
Yeah.

1448
01:32:43.040 --> 01:32:44.440
You're not interested in him.

1449
01:32:44.440 --> 01:32:45.880
So it's, I don't think so.

1450
01:32:45.920 --> 01:32:46.240
Yeah.

1451
01:32:46.280 --> 01:32:46.520
Yeah.

1452
01:32:46.520 --> 01:32:47.960
It doesn't hurt at all.

1453
01:32:48.120 --> 01:32:48.520
Yeah.

1454
01:32:48.600 --> 01:32:51.080
We want the rugged lumberjack man, honey.

1455
01:32:54.560 --> 01:33:03.440
That's like, you know, his countenance is so whole, but he's definitely a man.

1456
01:33:03.520 --> 01:33:10.840
Like family, like family talks about like relationship with his

1457
01:33:10.840 --> 01:33:17.680
parents and devotions and like, he's like, yeah, it just sounds super

1458
01:33:17.720 --> 01:33:21.000
wholesome, but, uh, super masculine.

1459
01:33:21.960 --> 01:33:24.320
And like, he's got some grit.

1460
01:33:26.960 --> 01:33:30.040
So like he could come back at me and challenge me.

1461
01:33:30.720 --> 01:33:32.000
Ah, okay.

1462
01:33:32.120 --> 01:33:33.000
All right.

1463
01:33:33.960 --> 01:33:34.600
Okay.

1464
01:33:36.280 --> 01:33:36.960
Yeah.

1465
01:33:37.160 --> 01:33:37.720
Yeah.

1466
01:33:38.440 --> 01:33:42.920
Um, yeah, but I never did message that guy in California

1467
01:33:42.920 --> 01:33:44.520
that I went to ministry school.

1468
01:33:44.760 --> 01:33:50.440
I got on the call this afternoon and just quick asked, um, what do I say

1469
01:33:50.600 --> 01:33:53.120
after I say, Hey, how's things in writing?

1470
01:33:53.600 --> 01:33:58.240
And she kind of thought, well, he hasn't shown interest in, cause

1471
01:33:58.240 --> 01:34:00.120
he's an acquaintance really.

1472
01:34:00.200 --> 01:34:07.120
And so, yeah, she thought with the distance, it was.

1473
01:34:08.720 --> 01:34:12.160
It was maybe hard to strike something up, but yeah.

1474
01:34:12.840 --> 01:34:14.200
Well, that makes sense.

1475
01:34:16.320 --> 01:34:16.720
Yeah.

1476
01:34:16.840 --> 01:34:17.440
That makes sense.

1477
01:34:18.040 --> 01:34:19.880
I think that was a good, good decision.

1478
01:34:20.440 --> 01:34:24.960
And also like I posted things on, I just really realized that I was

1479
01:34:24.960 --> 01:34:26.960
holding back from doing my own dreams.

1480
01:34:26.960 --> 01:34:32.680
And so I've been painting all week and I, for the first time posted on Instagram

1481
01:34:33.360 --> 01:34:41.720
and I, um, I, I called myself a watercolor artist, illustrator,

1482
01:34:42.840 --> 01:34:45.240
surface pattern designer on there.

1483
01:34:45.240 --> 01:34:49.640
And then the next day I had a divine appointment at church and, um, got

1484
01:34:49.640 --> 01:34:51.760
invited to this artist collaboration.

1485
01:34:51.760 --> 01:34:53.960
And he released a testimony about how.

1486
01:34:54.480 --> 01:35:00.080
The Lord just like moved and they have a business and their family is doing.

1487
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.400
extremely well, and they're selling sugar cookies, and like

1488
01:35:04.520 --> 01:35:09.240
how like God can do anything. And so it's just super, it was

1489
01:35:09.280 --> 01:35:12.560
just been really cool. So my next thing is to sign up for

1490
01:35:12.560 --> 01:35:16.400
sailing lessons and get a paddleboard because I really

1491
01:35:17.880 --> 01:35:22.120
need to fill my adventure bucket. Yeah, that's good. So

1492
01:35:22.120 --> 01:35:25.880
yeah, I feel like it's just been a really good week of me just

1493
01:35:25.880 --> 01:35:35.280
rounding out just creating space for myself to fully step

1494
01:35:35.280 --> 01:35:37.520
into all the things my dream life.

1495
01:35:38.040 --> 01:35:42.040
Yeah, that's so good, Lori. That's so encouraging. I like

1496
01:35:42.040 --> 01:35:44.440
the way that you've been investing in yourself and

1497
01:35:44.440 --> 01:35:45.520
enjoying yourself.

1498
01:35:48.040 --> 01:35:52.120
Yeah, that's awesome. Thank you. You're welcome.

1499
01:35:53.000 --> 01:35:54.880
Well, is that all Lori?

1500
01:35:56.520 --> 01:35:59.440
Yeah, I think so. Okay, cool.

1501
01:35:59.440 --> 01:36:04.040
I just need to repent for calling him a bad word. But I'm

1502
01:36:04.040 --> 01:36:06.560
like, well, Jesus, you know, I thought it in my head. So

1503
01:36:07.560 --> 01:36:11.600
it's okay. Yeah, he's definitely not your type. And sounds like

1504
01:36:11.600 --> 01:36:15.040
he got some other things going on about getting down to who he

1505
01:36:15.040 --> 01:36:20.120
really is. And that's okay. Yeah. Ladies, as always, y'all

1506
01:36:20.120 --> 01:36:24.320
are so much fun. Ashley, I want some updates on the wall from

1507
01:36:24.320 --> 01:36:29.360
you and Daniela and Lori. I want to hear from you guys. I know

1508
01:36:29.360 --> 01:36:33.200
we're out of time now. But I do want some updates and Lolita

1509
01:36:33.200 --> 01:36:36.400
and Shelly, I need to know about a date that you're on is

1510
01:36:36.400 --> 01:36:40.600
summertime and you're a teacher. So you should be having some

1511
01:36:40.600 --> 01:36:46.920
people in the mix. Okay, so you ladies were a blast to keep us

1512
01:36:46.920 --> 01:36:50.520
updated. It's so good to see all of you. And I look forward

1513
01:36:50.520 --> 01:36:55.480
to seeing y'all next Tuesday. How does that sound? Thank you.

1514
01:36:55.520 --> 01:36:59.200
Bye, ladies. Bye. Haven't we enjoyed you and Megan, give me a

1515
01:36:59.200 --> 01:37:01.360
update on the guy when you on the wall.

1516
01:37:03.440 --> 01:37:04.560
Thanks, Ebony.

1517
01:37:11.040 --> 01:37:11.920
Good night.

1518
01:37:11.920 --> 01:37:16.640
Thank you. You're welcome. Good night, ladies. Night, night.

1519
01:37:17.240 --> 01:37:20.560
Night, night. Megan, did you hear me about the guy from

1520
01:37:20.560 --> 01:37:21.960
California? I want to update.

1521
01:37:22.480 --> 01:37:26.200
Yes, I was trying to type and it was like I couldn't type fast.

1522
01:37:26.240 --> 01:37:29.480
It was a little disappointing. I wrote on the wall about it.

1523
01:37:29.520 --> 01:37:32.360
Okay, I'll check it out and respond. Yeah. But I have a

1524
01:37:32.360 --> 01:37:36.160
hopeful thing that I was gonna talk about. But I can maybe add

1525
01:37:36.160 --> 01:37:37.680
that. Another.

1526
01:37:37.680 --> 01:37:40.720
And you can do a video recording if you want to on the wall like

1527
01:37:40.720 --> 01:37:45.960
record yourself and post it. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. Okay, you

1528
01:37:45.960 --> 01:37:48.320
record yourself and then post it. Okay.

1529
01:37:48.640 --> 01:37:51.240
Yeah, just record and post it or you can go live.

1530
01:37:52.080 --> 01:37:56.800
Okay. All right. Thank you. Okay. I'll think about it. All

1531
01:37:56.800 --> 01:37:58.720
right. Bye bye. All right. Good night.