good good it is good to see all of y'all come on in the room i hope you guys have been having a
good week yes yes good day good hey heaven is this your first time with us you and if it's
your first time yeah it is who else is this your first time how do you say your name is it karishma
yeah yeah so heaven karishma who else anyone else raise their hand for this being your first time
no well this i am ebony last name jones you see my name on there i live in austin texas i am the
8 p.m coach so anytime you come on it will 7 p.m eastern time anytime you come on i'll do
the nightly session carla does the 1 p.m session you can always come to both sessions it's up to
you we are so happy to have you in phase two and we are ready to get you going on some dates we
are ready to process with you because you just come out of hard work and guess what you're gonna
be getting triggered left and right not just on dates but from people all around you and so i said
that to say this to you this coaching session you come in here it's all about you it's not about if
you have a date it's about you so whatever area in your life that you are processing through that's
what we want you to bring to the table um and so it does you it's not just if you're dating
you be sure and all of you ladies that you're watching the videos um because they're going to
really help you on the journey and it's really good information it's really good it's what you
need it's what you pay for and so we want you to get it um and so we want you to pace yourselves
try to do one video a week in whatever aha moments you have go ahead and post them in the community
anytime you experience something that you learn from the coaching from the video go ahead and post
that as well and so we say one one video a week you don't have to be speedy gonzalez if you've not
got to the video where it tells you about the seven-day challenge don't let it scare you
there's a seven-day challenge but it doesn't mean you gotta have seven days before you move on to a
different community or it doesn't mean you have to have seven days to be in this part of the program
it's just an encouragement to get those dates because in this phase we are dating for discovery
all right if you have those of you it's your first time joining us have you gotten to watch any videos
yet no what about you haven't um i watched the kickoff but i haven't watched dating 101 yet
okay i will spill all the beans i'll let you watch them they are absolutely amazing um but
definitely before you if you're not familiar with online dating maybe you will be maybe you won't be
but you definitely want to watch online dating and you definitely want to watch dating 101 because
it kind of lays out for you some of the boundaries that we have um in different phases that's going
to help you date well it's going to help you get to know people well and it's going to help you
enjoy the process of dating differently this time all right okay um let's see for this is a few
little housekeeping we don't post anything from outside uh sources without admin approving it
first and the reason why we don't do that it may be encouraging however it may not be something that
admin has had an opportunity to look at we do that for the safety of the entire group
to make sure that the information that all of our sisters are getting is safe for their hearts um
let's see you guys something we've done in the past that we don't want you to do going forth
is saving the zoom link because they're going to start changing up and so what happened is just
go into events each time and make it a habit of clicking on the zoom link for this session
because if you yeah because it's going to switch up that's the best way to put it and i don't want
you to not get in the session because you didn't know that it's going to switch up um brief reminder
um that we do not have an admin email but we can take personal coaching questions on that email so
if you have we don't have an admin email but if you have personal coaching questions
we can take it on that email we will be offering one-on-one coaching sessions for additional costs
with several of our amazing coaches at lys when that gets launched an email will be sent out
if you ever have any technical difficulties all you have to do is go up to where it says support
and then you should be able to drop a support ticket there to get help if there's something
that you need to get help with and then we'll be able to get you there.
beyond that, or you can't get any assistance, please post in the community and we will answer
you and help you as best possible. And I think that's all of my announcements. How did we do
last week? Who practiced some of their morning meditation, prayers, worship instead of worry?
And for you ladies, this is your first time on. We decided to open up our mornings,
as Lauren did, open up our mornings a little bit different, putting ourselves in alignment with
the Lord, meaning like, hey, you know, hey, Father, I'm here, five minutes of prayer.
Or some people decide to, okay, I see you, Steph, and instead of worrying, every time they worry,
they will worship, read scriptures, make some declarations over yourself, just bringing
yourself into connection and alignment. One of the best things that Father God does is he invests
in us first. And I know that we're in this program because we want a husband, and we believe, and we
know from the results of this program that we see kingdom marriages all the time, and we are
absolutely convinced that you're going to have a marriage. So there's no doubt in our mind, because
we see it too much not to know that to be true. However, and is not a but, is and the greatest
investment starts in you. God is more concerned about you than he is about marriage, because you
are the one going to be in the marriage. There is no marriage without you. Marriage does not exist
without two people. And so, because of that, you are the greatest investment, and everything you do
in this program invests in you first. And out of you comes all the wonder of a beautiful kingdom
marriage that you can truly be in until death do you part. Sounds good?
Yeah. All right. So let me see.
If you haven't listened to Supernatural Saturday, we encourage you to listen to Supernatural Saturday,
because it's really good, and we want you to post in the community on the wall anything. Well,
you're going to learn so much, because it's always so good, right? But you're going to post how it
applies to your life, what you're working on from Supernatural Saturday. And yeah, we want you guys
to do that. All right. You know, I have to get through all my little notes here, because it's
not printed out, so it listens a lot different. I mean, when I look at it on the phone, it's a
lot different for me. Oh, the question from Supernatural Saturday. Is Saturday up online?
I'm not sure, Shelly, but you can check it out and see. I want you guys to answer this question.
You could put it in the chat, or you can unmute and share. So I want you to answer the question.
It says, how are you going to shift from waiting mode to believing and receiving mode? Now, if you
heard Supernatural Saturday, you would know that this was a thing that Jackie talked about. But
let's talk about waiting, receiving, and believing. Waiting means I'm going to get an Amazon package
with a man in it. He's going to say to me, I am your husband, because the Lord has said for you
and I to be together. There's no other person on the planet Earth that you could be with besides me.
Oh, that's waiting mode. Or waiting mode is an angel's going to show up, and he's going to say,
Hark! All you hear, ye hear you. The heaven has decided that Scott is going to marry John. Here
is John. He is an engineer, and he makes $180,000 a year. You don't have to work, Scott,
because everything is going to be great. He speaks in tongues. He has mentors. He is prophetic.
He is a minister. He works all day, and he's still at home being an amazing man. He doesn't get tired.
Or the difference, so we have our waiting phase. Something's going to happen without me working,
or investing, I'd rather say. And then what's the other? How are we shifting from waiting mode to
believing and receiving? To believe is what you're doing right now, believe it or not. Even though I
made a joke, even if you are waiting, you are still believing, because you wouldn't be in this
program if you didn't believe. I don't care how discouraged you get, you still believe something
is the reason why you show up. And then how do we receive? Sometimes receiving can be the most
challenging. Why? Because it looks like this. Somebody tries to talk to you, and you nitpick
them apart. That's our receiving phase. Now, I'm not saying take any straggler that comes alone,
but I'm saying that we're not nitpicking men apart, because we're in a receiving mode. We're
believed for something. We've come to the place where we can receive a date,
so that we can go out and discover ourselves. And you keep turning it all the way.
But somehow in your mind, you believe
that you're going to receive a husband when he comes along.
Ha.
The only thing is, he has to come in the package
that you've already pre-planned in your mind probably
a very, very long time ago.
And so now you've positioned yourself not to receive,
because everything that comes your way, you kick it back.
Right?
So what are some ways we can shift?
Find what mode you're in and share how you can shift from,
what was it, waiting, believing, receiving.
How do you personally think you, if you're in the waiting,
how can you shift from waiting to believing?
If you're in believing, how can you shift
from believing to receiving?
Evaluate you on your journey.
And if it's nothing, I don't have anything.
But if it's something, certainly post it.
Or you can unmute and say it.
Go for it, Hannah.
I think the biggest thing that I'm learning
is taking action, because I probably in the past
was the one that, oh, it'll just happen.
He brings so many good things, the right job,
the right opportunity.
He's just going to put it in my lap.
And at 37, that hasn't happened, right?
So I'm honestly, I was teasing a family member the other night.
But I'm like, I am treating this like my job.
Partnering with God, of course.
But I mean, really making it a priority
to go out and meet people and discover,
OK, could this be a good fit?
And then also being very open to it.
So there's been a huge heart shift.
But it's only come through being very intentional
and taking action.
Joining this program, going through all the hard work,
striking up conversations with people, going on dates.
So it's not like it's just falling into my lap here.
So it's partnering with God and taking
action versus just sitting on a country road.
Yeah.
Yeah, Hannah, that was really good.
That was really, really good.
I can't even add to that.
That was so good, what you just said.
All of it was so good.
That was so good.
OK, go for it, Sky.
Yeah, kind of similar to what Hannah said.
I think just partnering with the Lord
and allowing myself to get to know men
that I wouldn't otherwise typically
date and just enjoying the process and learning
and then taking the time to process.
For example, maybe dating a guy that's
shorter than I would have normally dated.
And then, oh, he's great.
He has so many good qualities.
Why am I nitpicking the little things?
And I'm not even tall.
I'm short.
So everybody's tall compared to me.
But just enjoying the process and putting myself out there
and making time, making room.
Because I can make myself too busy too quickly.
And just allowing the season to be about me,
like what you were saying, allowing God to bless me.
That's good.
That's really good, Sky.
You guys are on it.
Come on, Megan.
Hey, yeah, I feel like lately I've just
been thinking about the whole concept of waiting,
which Jackie has hit on in some of her books.
And just when she talks about that,
how it's having this hopeful expectation.
And it's a preparation.
It's not this passive thing, which
I feel like the other ladies were kind of talking about.
It's a partnership, of course.
There's a balance with it, trusting the Lord,
but also a partnership and expectantly hoping for that.
And so not getting hung up on things that don't work out.
I mean, I feel like there is a little bit of you
have to kind of grieve through some disappointments and stuff
and work through it.
But just keep moving along, knowing that I
want to keep hoping that God, the man's on the way,
like you've said before, too.
And not getting hung up on, yeah,
the ones that aren't working.
And then something else she had written in one of the books
about just looking through a lens of hope and expectancy.
And so that's kind of been on the forefront of my mind,
and that whole concept of believing to receive it.
And so I think some of that's the mindset.
And it's helped me to be more at peace that God's got it.
But just really, truly believing that, you know,
just not saying.
being stuck, just continuing to look through that lens of hope
and expectancy, basically.
Yeah, that's so good, Megan.
Thank you for sharing.
Yeah, thanks.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Y'all are on it tonight.
It's so good.
Let us be grabbing some of these ideas.
Whatever phase you're in, all of them
have just said something that will take you
from one phase to the next.
Go ahead, Stephanie Davis.
Played in well.
How to learn.
Start back over, Stephanie.
We didn't hear the first few words.
No, how to wait well.
That's my thing.
For the last, not the last one, but the week
before Supernatural, from my watch that one,
or listen to it, that has changed me totally
in a different way that I never expected.
And so the process of while you're waiting,
the things you need to work on, the things
you need to do to wait to while you're waiting,
I like things right now.
I like it snappy.
And God has been teaching me that it's not like that.
One of the biggest thing he taught me
was with Sarah and Agar is how that waiting season was
like when they had to wait for that child of promise.
And he's like, if you rush the process,
you would end up with an issue if you don't wait well.
And so that's what I've been doing.
I don't like it.
I wish he would drop the guy at the door
and ring the doorbell with a paper and say, here he is.
And I say, OK, great.
I just put on my shoes, and we go downstairs,
and then we get married, and then we come back upstairs.
But that's not the case.
There are things that he has to like broom inside of me.
There are things he's working through with me.
And I like to focus.
Even though I'm doing this program, I run a business,
and my focus is so much on that business.
And this is like a side hustle.
The last thing is like a side hustle for me.
So I have to learn to balance that
and to make sure I'm totally balanced and be present in it.
So that's what I've been doing, yeah.
Yeah, that's awesome.
That's really good, ladies.
You guys, everything y'all said is good.
And whichever place you find yourself in, if you're waiting,
let's wait well, meaning investing in yourself.
Anytime you invest in yourself, you never feel stagnant.
I'm going to give you a real simple example.
Whenever I've set out, so my health journey
is a big part of my life.
But there's not one time that when I eat healthy or exercise
that I ever feel like I'm fat anymore.
Some people don't like the word fat.
Maybe we can say the word overweight.
But I've never, no matter what, I've been close to 400 pounds
and now I'm 230 pounds.
I'm telling you, at whatever stage
I was in, when I gave my body the highest quality of food,
when I moved my body because it was created to be moved,
never with an agenda to lose weight
because I had to reshape my thinking about food and health.
But when I did that, I never looked in the mirror
and said, oh, you too big.
I never criticized myself.
Why?
Because I was investing in myself
to produce the best version of myself.
And I have not experienced in my life,
and I'm 42, a time when I've invested in me and felt stuck.
Because there was something happening on the inside.
And what happens on the inside produces something
on the outside.
What happens in your thinking produces
something that you're going to say out loud.
Whatever you're thinking, that's what
you're going to produce out of your mouth.
You're going to say thoughts or you're
going to say things that accompany what you're
thinking about yourself.
Another example, the other day I went into a restaurant
with my friend and this lady kept staring at me.
Now, mind y'all, one of my compression stockings
that I have to wear are really super colorful.
It's like a sock that comes up to my knee.
So I had on short pants, a sock on one leg
that came up to my knee.
The other sock was a footie, so you didn't see it.
And I didn't know I was missing an earring.
So I had these big hoops on.
So when she was staring at me, I said,
I was like, oh, she must be staring at how beautiful I am.
Like, I did make this up.
It was just a thought I had.
I said, she is so amazing, how pretty I am.
So I was sitting there, me and my friend
were talking, it's like 30 minutes late.
And I was like, why didn't you tell me I was missing an earring?
And oh, shoot, I got on one long sock and one short sock.
And I could only imagine that she was thinking like,
where is this circus going to?
Because it was amazing.
Yes, but the things I thought about myself,
like these no insecurities presented itself.
I can tell you there was a time
when I would walk into a space
and I was absolutely convinced
that the only thing a person could see about me was my size.
I don't care, I've been beautiful my whole life.
I never thought that they thought that I was beautiful.
I always contributed everything to my body,
to my figure, to my something.
And ladies, we have a tendency to do these things,
but what we meditate on about who we are.
Now in the mirror, when I look, I do see a pleasant face,
but there are so many things now
that when I say that I'm maybe a prize to be had,
it's not just because I'm female.
It really is because of what heaven has invested in me
and what I've partnered with God on
and what I've watched me overcome in life
and how I conquered things with the Lord
and how he's changed my heart
and how I can feel the Holy Spirit pricking my heart
and convicting me and the softening of my heart.
And so now when I show up,
I know that I am a prize to be had by myself
and by my father in heaven.
And so a lot of the thoughts
that used to run through my mind, they just not there.
So just saying, so I don't know what I was saying,
but take that, cause it was good.
Everything you guys shared was good.
Yes, Liz.
No, I'm sorry, not Liz, Felicia.
Oh yeah, I think mine is the,
as we were chatting a little bit before we came on.
Yeah.
Receiving, you know, as you prayed and you're receiving,
I'm not saying all together, it's a discovery,
but you're hearing the things that you have prayed for
and so is the person who I'm talking to.
And I think that's what's getting me in a control
where I want to control it the way I want it, you know.
You know, I want to, you know, it's a huge, huge control.
And I think I'm feeling that pressure of control too.
So that could be a part of what want me to be like,
oh, I'm just overwhelmed.
Is it because of my needs or time,
something like that you asked me,
or if it's intense because of that.
And it could be because I sleep like that,
because remember you said that, you know, that's men,
men see a pretty woman, they're gonna be like,
she's pretty, she's pretty, she's pretty.
And then if they're hearing the things
that they have been praying for,
they're like, oh my goodness, yeah, I want it.
She's the one, she's the one.
So I think it's the receiving for me.
It's like, I'm not afraid of anything.
I'm not afraid of anything.
And for me, it's like, I'm not afraid to receive.
I know that God is faithful and he will bring it to pass.
But I think just that intense moment of receiving,
I'm like, oh, where did I get myself in?
You know, so I think that's where I'm at.
If it can help me.
Yeah.
Ladies, keep your hand up and we're gonna keep them up.
Don't put them down.
I'm going to come to you.
You'll be the first ones we'll come to.
I want to say one thing
and then we're going to go right into coaching.
Take me two minutes.
And then you can still share what you're sharing
in the coaching session.
I want to spend a little time talking about what it means
to be yes until it's a no,
because we've seen that we need some help around that
in the community.
And I also want to talk about why we encourage you
to date outside what you would normally date.
Now, I think Liz had a really good question
that she posted in the community.
And it was about if someone was a Hindu
and she knows that they believe in many gods.
So when we say date outside your comfort zone,
we're definitely not talking about go out
with the agnostics or Hindu.
That's a big conflict for you.
Like that's your own personal convictions, right?
And so that's not what we're talking about.
But we're saying maybe date somebody
that doesn't look the way you would want them to look.
You know, I am almost convinced.
I've not met one married couple,
not one in my own personal world.
Now I'm just one person that every woman I know says,
oh, he really not my type.
He's really not the one I would have gone after.
Yeah, I think that's like a hint
that our spouses could possibly more than likely
come in a package we wouldn't expect.
And because we know that,
and in this program we've seen it over and over and over
and over and over and every love story I hear,
they say the same thing.
I wouldn't have picked this person.
Let's start looking for the one we wouldn't pick.
Cause see what you wouldn't pick,
we're not gonna,
now I'm not saying cut yourself short on character.
That's not what we're talking about.
The makings of a quality man is married to.
Minded masculine immature, so we're not steering away from there
But I'm saying try putting your eyes on a package you may not pick now since height is a big thing for people
Then you may want to say hey
I'm just dating for discovery. He a little shorter than I like but I ain't gonna marry him just getting to know him, right?
Start working yourself into dating people. You wouldn't normally choose
All right, um, and maybe he has a profession that you wouldn't normally choose
Maybe you know, he's a teacher and you prefer a certain income
Income amount but guess what? He may be a teacher but you get out and get to know him. He may be an entrepreneur
He may have a non-profit organization
He may been invested realtor like you don't know anything about this man in his mind
And what he's working on what he's developing what his passions are
You may find out that he has a heart for the homeless and he's built a facility here
And he's doing this with his time. You may find out that he has a heart for missions
You may felt like some of the things that are exact point on with your heart
But you're concerned about an income that when you marry him if he was an engineer
He could lose he could lose the job
Something could happen to him and he not have the ability to work that hard
Something could happen to him and he not have the ability to work that income anymore
And if the income is what got you there, you're about to lose it
Right and so we want us like some of those things we want to kind of let's work around some of those things
And then it's a yes to listen. No, I'm gonna take one more minute. It's a yes to listen
No, it's a yes to listen. No doesn't mean that you're gonna compromise on
If a man is making comments to you that are inappropriate sexually
You're not compromising on me
It's a yes to listen no meaning I'm gonna go to the next step until it's a no
So somebody asked to talk to you. Sure. I have a cup of coffee with you or sure
I'll get to know you whatever. That's a yes, right?
You go out you have a cup of coffee. You had a good time. That's a yes
He takes you late on that night I said man, I had such a good time. I really want to suck your lips
That's a no
Do you see what I'm saying? It's a yes. Tell us a no or
He says man's good time. Let's go on a date again. Yes, you come back
I like him, but he's not quite my type and then he comes back and say let's go exclusive is a no. I
Enjoy getting to know you but now it's a no but it was a yes until it's a no instead of when you look at
Their profile. Oh, he says he wants you and I don't want children
Oh, he says he wants to travel to Europe, I don't even like you know
You get it like this immediate know about something you ain't gonna have his baby cuz you ain't gonna marry him
You just going on a date with them
You can't leave somebody on
Until you go on a date with him and then you make promises to him that you can't keep so we hadn't even made it
today
He might get there not even like you I'm both of us a soul that every man in the world want us
So we don't even make eye contact in the grocery store
We think the men are falling over at our feet, even though it has not proven to be so we believe it
Right like we just think if we look at them they go they go melt in our presence
They will not
Okay, and so I think the word is too
Huh?
No, okay, so, um
yeah, so I hope that we got a kind of a good meaning if it's a yes to listen know if when you um,
If you want to
Hands are already raised. So if you have a question about that, I'll go further into but I don't want to take any more of your
time, so
Whoo, all these hands came up, but who did I stop with? I think it was time for Liz and then Juanita
Right, right, if I messed up it's not her, I'm sorry
Hey Liz
So, um, first of all, what I wanted to say was thanks so much for sharing about the body image because I
Was 150 pounds and now I'm 114 pounds. I still have that body. I
Still sometimes criticize myself and it's like why like everything is okay
How do you like undo that like how do I stop that's like first very quick question and then I would get into the dating question
But how do you like stop criticizing myself? Like I'm not big anymore. I was but I lost everything. I
think that
Whatever you care categorize your first body is
I
Think that whatever you care categorize your first body is
That's the lens in which you see your body. Yeah, well if you say that a hundred
140 pounds. I was so big. I just had to lose weight because I was so big and you were so big and what?
You were so big and what did that mean?
To you see it's about how you're what you think about being 140 pounds
So if you were critical of your body at 140 pounds because you were critical of your body and everything's about your body
Even when you're 114 pounds, you're still gonna criticize your body because you have a negative
Conception you have a negative perception of bodies
That makes sense. So the problem is not about your weight. It's about the way you see a body
It's about the way you've been taught about size
Right
Right. So in the reason why I'm going to there's like what I just told you I had that problem
Yeah
But I want you to sit in their reality then you're inside of your brain in your heart
You're having a problem with bodies
Right, and then when you have a problem with the body one of the things that I did and it was really the Holy Spirit
That led me to do it
He told me that I heard go to the mirror and take all your clothes out and look at yourself
And I heard the Holy Spirit say I repeated what I heard. I looked it up my arms and I said arms
Thank you for helping me reach. I looked at my legs and I said legs
Thank you for helping me to walk and I began to thank and appreciate my body
One speaking to my body healing it for all the trauma in the negative things
I said about it, even though my heart is working good. My lungs are functioning
Well, but I've criticized my body put so much hate in my body against it on self, even though it's working for me amazingly
So one thing it speaks health back to your body and it says thank you body
So there's a healing right and then I'm hearing myself really understand what the body is for
Hmm and so when you start seeing your body in a different lens and how it cares for you the eyes to help you see
And the nose that you use to smell not the nose that I don't like the way you're shaped
And not the lips that are not big enough
But the lips they allow you to produce words not the ears that are issue and not the skin color
That's the issue but what it does for you
And be thankful and grateful for the body that you eat. It really does shift your mind
When you start seeing food as fuel it changes carbs being the enemy
When you start saying I'm giving my body the very best because I my body deserves the best
Then it's not like the doughnut is the issue
It's just that it's not what I choose for the highest quality for my body
I had to learn how to break food down in that way and to understand
My decisions. I hope that's helpful to you. It is Wow
It is it is very life-giving
Yeah, so dating question. I was talking. I just had a video chat with somebody
He is a really nice person. He's a believer
He just looked a little bit older than
He says he is and again same thing just what you preached you wouldn't take the time pick what you wouldn't
His profession is not something that I would have picked he works at the factory. I'm a CPA
I never thought that I would go out on date with somebody who is so opposite than who I am
He he's really kind
He was really nice he has a dog but I don't I'm not a dog person
Yeah, I'm not a dog person. And so he is very excited. I he's very excited to meeting me in person on Sunday
But I mean I was excited too
But then when I actually talked to him, I was like we are really two opposite like that
He is not somebody who I would have picked ever. And so what do you think I?
Think you need to go out on your first date and drink a cup of coffee
Okay or tea
Okay, you're gonna have to go on a date. You don't have to be a dog person. He is not your husband
Remind yourself of it. It doesn't matter if he's a dog person
He would cat person because I'm finna tell you some if you find out he a good man. You gonna be a dog person
It's amazing when you find out the quality of your relationship
It's amazing when you find out the qualities of an individual how you become something you really weren't at first
And then you may come it's like I never really saw myself doing this
But yeah, I go rock climbing now. It's like really that man got you climbing some walls around now, huh? But no
Go on the date list enjoy yourself. It is just a date nothing else. He's not auditioning for anything else just a date
Sounds good, and then there is another person I won't take long just maybe
30 seconds. He is so shy. He, I had a video chat with him
yesterday. He wouldn't even look at me. I was dressed like this
with my contacts on. He couldn't even he was so shy. He could not
even look at me. He was blushing when he was looking at me
whatever he was doing. He was blushing. And like, oh my gosh,
I'm like, I was asking him a question. And then I was
answering my own question. Because he couldn't even say
what do you think about it? He was so shy. He's 32. I'm 29. I
don't know. Like I haven't actually date with him on
Saturday. So it's like to send
Come on, Liz. Oh, you date me out weekend.
Like, I feel like I'm gonna be initiating everything with this
man. He's a French teacher. So he's pretty good with kids. So
he talks about his work a lot when I asked, but he can't
really ask me any questions. But it also could be like that he
doesn't have experience with with this. But I don't know.
What do you think?
I think that you're a beautiful woman. And when men see
beautiful women, all their mindsets is beautiful woman,
beautiful woman, and she's talking to me. Most men don't
ever feel worthy of women. I don't care how much of a
supermodel they look. They just don't have a lot of self worth
about themselves. They don't you know, so they keep saying this
pretty woman is talking to me. I can't believe this pretty woman
is talking to me. It's okay if you're going to have to lead the
conversation. So I want you to pick question that you know that
he will probably pick up on so like teacher stuff or ask him
things about his profession since he likes to talk about it.
Because the goal is, is to have a date. Right? And if he's
pleasant to talk to, and because you are the one leading first,
don't be afraid of silence. Give him a chance. Just because
you're silent, it means nothing. Just sit there in it. It may
feel awkward, but awkward is not bad. We taught ourselves
that awkward is bad, but it's not. It's just called silence.
Yeah, okay. I want you to go have fun. It's only a cup of
coffee. And some little Google questions and tell them I wrote
us some icebreaker questions down. How about you look up one
and he got his phone. So how about you look up an icebreaker
question and you asked me one or say, Hey, turn your phone
around. I'm picking one now you pick one. Got it. So
yeah, it's a long distance. So we are meeting in the middle.
Okay. Yeah, we are meeting in the middle. So you're right. So
should I message him to ask him to look at icebreaker question
or should I just tell him when we are there?
Yes, when you get there. And then since y'all are meeting
halfway that date is probably going to go longer. So I don't
want you to feel like you have to rush in you very well. So if
you're meeting in the middle.
Oh, yeah. How long do we do 100 kilometers? We are both coming
to 100 kilometers in the middle.
What is 100 kilometers?
Probably 80-85 miles.
Oh, yeah, you need to take some time with it, man. Yeah, and
yourself like, you can't stick with 45 minutes. It's gonna be
I mean, you've driven a long way. And so has he.
So do we do like two hours or around that?
Yeah, if you want to.
Okay.
I hope you have so much fun that you lose track of time.
Thanks, Ebony. That was amazing.
Oh, you're welcome, Liz. Okay, Juanita.
So intentional. That's that was from the previous question. Mine
is intentional. And so when I decided to be very intentional
about getting my, you know, my, so I had somebody take pictures
of me. Because I didn't have a full body picture. I just I
just had headshots and selfies. And so I still need to have
somebody take a picture of me in a group because all my pictures
are like, I don't know people here. So it's me hiking. It's
me. You know, it's just me. So I decided, oh, you know, that's
kind of weird. So I, I should try to have a group picture of
some sort.
Where are you?
I live in Weaverville, California, which is west of
Reading up in the mountains. Yeah, very, very small town.
Yeah, I've heard beautiful, but yeah. So anyway, a lot of things
are going in my mind because I my last marriage, I married
somebody who I would have never ever picked. You know, he was he
was a hippie, you know, had long hair, you know, and but it was
like, yeah.
There were just a lot of qualities that he had that were amazing.
Unfortunately, he didn't think, you know, that he wanted to be committed to marriage.
So, off I went, you know, he offed me.
So, that was sad.
Yeah.
So...
How old were y'all married?
Huh?
How old were y'all married?
Two years.
Two or ten?
Two.
Two, okay.
Yeah.
So, I met him up here.
I moved up here, met him up here.
And so, he was basically my best friend and community.
And then when he left, it was like, ah, I have no one.
So, that being said, yeah, I started to be really intentional about getting on Facebook,
trying to get on Facebook.
And I find that there's a lot of spiritual warfare, mental warfare getting there.
Body image, you know, it's like when you're my age and, you know, it's like 50 is cool,
you know, you're just maturing.
60, in my case, was fine.
But when I started turning 70, it's like my body decided I am just going to be a different body now.
And, you know, and I'm like, who are you?
You know, I mean, so I had to start doing what you said.
It was like, Lord, thank you for my hands.
You know, who cares?
They're all wrinkly now, but they work.
My legs work.
You know, who cares?
You know, blah, blah, blah.
So, seriously, when you get this age and your whole body changes, you know, it's not even weight.
It's just the quality of your skin and stuff like that.
It's a whole different journey of age.
So, yeah, and having a younger mindset at my age is like, you know, it's like, ah, you know,
I'm living in a 73-year-old body, but my brain is 40 years old, you know, and it's like, okay, this is hard.
It is hard because men get more settled, right?
Like, older and more settled, and you have a young, ready-to-go, let's get, you know.
Yeah.
Right.
And it's not like you're going to go grab a 50-year-old or a 40-year-old, but, yeah, get one your age, and it's like, what could I possibly get?
You know, yeah.
Right.
So, anyway, so that's a long story.
But what I was going to ask you was, I'm going to have a gallbladder surgery.
Should I wait until after the surgery to get on the app, a Facebook app, or should I just go ahead and do it?
Gallbladder removal?
Yeah.
Oh, no, no.
That's an outpatient procedure, right?
Right.
Well, it's a one-day, go in, it's robotic, I guess they take it out.
Laparoscopically?
Yeah.
No, you'll be good.
I mean, I had my gallbladder removed laparoscopically.
Laparoscopically.
No, it's going to be on Facebook.
Okay.
You're going to meet your husband.
Okay.
Cool.
Okay.
Yay.
Thank you.
Post and let us know.
Yay.
Okay.
Tammy?
Hi.
Hey.
Hold on one second, Tammy.
I'm sorry, Tim.
Hold on.
Juanita, when is your surgery?
They haven't called me yet.
I just found out Friday that I had this one-centimeter gallstone, and I've had issues for 30 years, so it's just time.
So I'm just waiting for a phone call.
Okay.
Post a date on the community wall so we can be praying for you, please.
Okay.
Sounds good.
All right.
Go ahead, Tammy.
Hi.
Hey.
I think this is my second time saying something.
I've got to tell you, you are so beautiful.
Oh, me?
You really are.
Yes.
You are so beautiful.
Very attractive.
I agree.
Thank you, Tim.
Thank you, Juanita.
Definitely.
And funny.
Yes.
Thank you, ladies.
Yeah.
Yeah, the Lord's so in you, you know?
It's just beautiful.
Thank you.
You walk with the Lord.
My question is, so just Sunday, I didn't know.
I found out about the fast on Saturday, but I didn't know it was going to start on Sunday, a 21-day fast.
I'm not one who does all these fasts.
And Saturday, I just signed up for.
So I've literally been with.
OIS nearly a year.
And I've taken it really slow
because when I got out of my other marriage,
being married for so long,
it was like, you know,
we both grew up in dysfunctional families,
dysfunction, attractive dysfunction.
We had double dys, you know what I mean?
So we just had a lot of stuff in the marriage
and I just had a lot of healing I had to go through.
And so coming into all of this,
I didn't come with a mindset of looking for a husband yet.
Spirit mate, I came in for heart healing
because I want someone that's emotionally healthy
and in order to have that,
I know that I need to be emotionally healthy.
So I got on the app on Saturday.
So I got into phase two.
I'm still in phase two.
I haven't been on a date.
I haven't been on any calls or anything.
And I signed up for Arc of Grace.
I haven't completely finished the profile,
but they contacted me yesterday and they said,
you're ready to go.
And next thing I knew, I had two hits on there.
Well, that was Monday.
Yeah, I had two hits on there,
but I haven't responded because I didn't go on there
because I'm on a 21 day fast
and I don't want it to interfere with the fast.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So I guess I'm just asking you.
I came on late,
so I don't know what the thing was,
how you start this today,
but I'm just thinking,
do you think I should just not get on there
and respond to that and say,
listen, I'm on a 21 day fast,
but I don't want to open up.
I don't want to start something
and then not be able to follow through.
And I don't want to be distracted on the fast,
with notifications and checking things and all that.
I really want to devote my time to the fast
and finish well, finish strong.
So do you think I should just not respond at all,
like not get on there?
Since I was on there Saturday,
they were closed on the weekend.
They gave me the word that it's ready to go.
I hit something and they banned me.
They suspended me.
So I had to send them an email on Sunday
and say, what happened?
What did I do?
Yeah, and it was just because, whatever.
It was, yeah.
Anyway, so I just think I should stay off,
not respond, let the time go by.
And so that's, I posted it on LYS,
but I hadn't heard back.
I posted it for a coach,
but if you answer, I'm going to just pull it down.
Okay, yeah, I agree, Tammy.
You should just wait.
I don't think, I wouldn't share that I'm fasting.
It's just, it's not, right?
Because even if you shared it,
you're going to not be on there.
So you'll be better off just waiting
until you're done with your fast
and those people that match with you,
if they're still there,
you can just respond to them and say,
hey, I'm just getting, you know,
get an opportunity to respond to you, you know.
How's your day going?
Something like that.
Yeah, okay.
I just figured that that would be the best thing
because there's no point to poke my head in there.
It's going to be a distraction.
Big time, yeah.
Okay, that was it.
So I'm finally moving, finally.
So, okay, pray for me on this fast
because it's only been three days
and I tell you, it was rough.
I had a migraine, like body aches.
Did you just water?
No, I'm doing a Daniel fast
because I wasn't able to,
I was working an event outside
and we were in the heat
and I had heat, nearly heat exhaustion
and I could not seem to cool down.
Yeah.
And this was like two months ago.
And ever since then, I, it's like, God is healing me.
I don't want to speak, you know, anything negative,
but healing me from all that
so that I'm not so sensitive to the heat.
Yeah.
So I just pray the Lord's strength over you on this fast
and that you get to have incredible encounters
with the Lord and that he gets to download you
to awesome things
and you just get to walk with him in joy and peace.
And I really sense like a carefreeness for you
during this fast.
And so I just bless you with strength to enjoy
what the Father wants to bring you into.
It's exciting times ahead of you, Tammy.
I really sense that in the spirit.
And so I'm excited for you.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I'm excited too.
So I'm like, today I've read his word
and I just wept and wept every time Jesus spoke.
I was just, oh, so beautiful.
Yeah.
Okay, thank you.
So look, you're welcome.
Kelly.
Sorry, I couldn't get my phone to answer.
You're OK.
Hey, there.
Hey.
OK, well, I'm sorry I wasn't able to post
in the coaches group.
It's been a whirlwind here.
My parents both got COVID, and my dad had a heart attack.
But everybody's OK.
And that was a week before, but there's
just been a whole lot of stuff related to that
and helping and stuff.
So I haven't been able to write.
But everybody's OK now.
Good.
Hallelujah.
Yeah, it was real scary.
But what I was going to ask you about last week,
I have an interest in someone that I met in real life
in a connect group, which is our church's thing,
like small groups.
And I'm just taking a little back
because the online dating, I feel
like it's so rare when you meet someone
that you're excited about right off the bat.
So it's a little bit easier because it's
like, eh, we'll see.
Well, this guy, my friend invited me,
my friend who runs this connect group,
invited me to something around Easter.
And I happened to sit across from him.
I was their guest and happened to sit across from him.
And we had really great conversation
and with the other people at the table, too.
It was just really nice.
And she's been asking me and asking
me to join their connect group.
And I wasn't able to do it until just a couple of weeks ago.
And so I went.
And we chatted a little bit.
He and I chatted a little bit then and last week as well.
And so I'm a little bit off because I
feel like now I find myself getting
excited to see him this week and thinking about him.
And I'm like, no, I don't want to go down
this road of being too excited.
I want to, do you know what I'm saying?
I'm used to not being too excited because
with the online thing, it's always kind of like, yeah, OK.
But this guy, it was exciting.
So now I'm trying to keep myself in line.
And I'm not, I don't know.
I need some input, maybe.
Well, it's probably time for you guys to go out and have a coffee
date, huh?
Well, I don't feel comfortable asking him for that because,
also because I just joined this group.
And it's a group of older singles.
And they are really tight.
And I don't want to like, I don't know how to say it.
I don't want it to appear as though I'm like, hey,
I'm here for a hookup.
No, you're there for a husband.
So you won't be in the singles group anymore.
And they have a man that is eligible that you like.
That's what you're there for.
So I ran a singles ministry.
I'm going to give you this.
And the lady who asked me to do it with her,
she said, Ebony, will you do a singles ministry with me?
And I said, she said, I only want it for ladies.
I said, I won't have any parts of it.
And she said, why?
I said, I won't do it that way.
I said, the kingdom is made up of men and women.
I'm not interested in a singles group full of women
where there are no men.
I said, I want both perspectives at the table.
And I want single women to have single men around them
so they can see what a righteous man is like.
So that when they choose, they can choose a righteous man.
They can sit across the table from a righteous man.
And they can even choose them if they want.
And so some of the ladies were joining.
They would say, well, I don't want
them to think I'm here for them.
And I said, why do you think they want you?
We get this idea from, like, why do you
think that every man that's around,
why do you think they're going to think that you're
there for them?
Like, what are these thoughts?
Like, they're all lies.
And so I would tell the people when
they would come to my group, I would say, hey, listen.
Everybody here is single and righteous.
So we're all good for the picking.
Because I wanted to release that,
these thoughts that we have as women in the back of our minds.
So I went through all the thoughts
I would have going to singles.
And one of the thoughts was, they're
going to think I'm just here for somebody.
No, I'm not.
But if you're a singer and I'm single,
we should get married if we make a good fit, right?
So I just want to expel that out of your mind.
If this is a person that invited you that's a really good friend,
maybe you can ask her about this young man.
Is this person?
Well, I think at some point I might be willing to do that.
But I don't know.
I feel really uncomfortable asking him out.
Like, we haven't talked tons, tons.
Is this your friend that invited you?
It is.
My friend who is.
Invited me she and her husband run the group, but I would feel uncomfortable asking that guy out like I would
Hold up, hold up. I moved out from you. I heard you. So I want you to ask your friend about him
Okay
Can you ask her about him? Yeah, I can ask her
How about you ask her her husband about this guy? Like who is he? What does he do? How long have they known him?
Yeah
Background and so then they may say why are you interested? I don't know what they're gonna say back
You just say well, I thought he was an interesting guy. We've had some really good conversation
So I'll see but what I don't want you to do
Two three months in you're still having, you know still thinking, you know still pondering on it still thinking
What could it be? We had a really good talk and look like he looked at me like he liked me
It looked like this, you know how we do as women we create a whole scene in our head
Yeah, and so I just don't want you doing that so reframe yourself and every time you do it say if you do it
Say I'm not going to fantasize
Yeah one day or one day. He'll ask me for a cup of coffee or I asked him for a cup of coffee
Yeah, you have to tell yourself the truth to break fantasies because I can go into a fantasy in a minute
And I train my brain I say no, I don't fantasize. I live in reality
Yeah, reality is I've only had one conversation
Yes, and that's what I've been doing like no don't go there and I the minute I realized I was thinking about it outside of
The group I was like, oh I need to get a date not with him. But with somebody else
I need to get myself occupied, you know, like right so
unfortunately, most of the guys I've been connected with aren't in this area, but um
And I don't want to mess up
I don't want to create a weird dynamic in the group because I actually really really like this group
and I've been looking for one for so long and I feel like it's like a
really beautiful group of older singles who really do life together and I feel like this is such as I had this
overwhelming piece about just
even this stuff with my parents and being afraid being single and having so much to deal with and I felt this piece of like
This is a group that they're really there for each other. So I don't want to I
Really do value that just as much as finding a husband, you know, so I don't want to mess it up
I know what you're saying. You're saying is you
Yeah, you're saying you don't want to make a move too soon and destroy the peace there
Like cuz you don't know how he's gonna now egg goes
You're gonna want to not be around if he's gonna get all weird about it. So extra friends about him
Yeah, that's it
Just say oh, you know
You can ask about some more people there and throw him in there and say so he seems like a great catch
I just wondered they see get to know him more chat with him more and then report back
Yeah, and keep myself from thinking about it
You can think about it. I just wouldn't think about him like he my husband. I will think about him like oh
How do I ask him for coffee?
Just two different ways you won't think about him. He's not your husband. So
I'm saying he's not my husband
Okay, all right
So that's good, it'll keep me in line I'll be thinking oh no, I don't want to think about that right now
Just choose what you think about him. Okay, that's good. Thank you
Oh
Hey Natalie
I'm so sorry. I was trying to unmute
Okay, I was a little spit of a struggle there
Patience ladies
You're okay
So, I really appreciate you
Addressing us going outside the box, which I have I really have made an effort
To talk and see people who I normally wouldn't and that's fine. Um
kind of two questions surrounding that
You know, I know that there's some hot topics and I know we discussed it last week about really what should
Most likely not be said or talked about or brought up or how we should be responding to things like that
That are I don't want to say inappropriate
But maybe a little bit too much too fast too soon in the beginning like how I was sharing
With you and the ladies last week about that guy
Who who had the the two divorces for being?
unfaithful
Emotionally and things like that after a three and a half hour conversation. So I know we talked about that
our dates, you know, maybe not exceeding an hour.
I'm thinking maybe to be mindful about the phone, especially before meeting
when getting to know someone was kind of what cost my mind as well.
And but having said that, I've been, you know, reflecting actually about a gentleman
that I met almost two years ago, and I really, really liked him a lot.
He checked all the boxes,
but he wanted to have kids,
and I didn't, at least at that time.
So he was the one that brought it up on the first date
and asked if I wanted to have kids, and I answered him honestly.
So, you know, I was just thinking
it's so tough being in this phase about not.
Looking for a husband, because it's like a lot of these guys that reach out to me,
I just want to ask them these questions to weed them out quickly.
Like, you know, are you a practicing Christian?
You know, that's a, you know, which church do you go to?
You know, like, let's just get it out of the way.
Are you serious or not?
And part of it, I think, is also to protect myself, because
since that guy two years ago, I finally I mean,
I haven't been attracted to anybody or seen anyone like that since.
But this week, I connected with a guy on a hinge
and I am attracted to him.
And I haven't felt those
excited feelings like in a while.
And he's local, but there's nothing in his profile.
About being religious at all, like it's just nothing, it's just blank.
So we haven't talked about it, but we're both like real smitten.
We got the FaceTime convo.
He made reservations immediately at a very nice restaurant.
Our first date's Thursday.
And I'm thinking like, oh, I didn't see this coming.
The opposite, where I'm the one like attracted to them
and I'm not going to want it to end
if I know he's just not a practicing Christian.
I almost feel like obligated, at least at some point in the dating period,
to be like, you know, I don't think spiritually we're on the same page.
So I'm a little concerned.
Yeah. So are you saying, Natalie?
And your concern is when you like a person more,
you want to go ahead and get stuff up front because you like them.
And so instead of going out on the second or third date
and now you got to release a person because y'all don't align foundationally,
then you really get it out of the way at the very front.
Because I don't want to get invested.
Yeah. Right. It's hard.
I mean, I know I'm supposed to guard my heart and I know how to do that.
But I'm just saying, like, it makes me almost feel sad
or disappointed going in because I'm like, this is going to end.
And I really don't want it to.
I know. I know. It's like.
Oh, no, no. That's a real thing.
It's called we talked about this in one of our sessions.
Remember releasing the good for the great?
Yeah, but you're not great.
And how hard it is to release is one thing to release something that ain't good.
Like, oh, but we're good, but it ain't great.
Right. And so that's a real thing.
I want to acknowledge that for you, Natalie.
I believe that you can date a person and you can ask all these questions up front.
You do it like it's no problem.
Men, when they date, if they're serious about a wife,
they hit you hard with these questions.
If they're serious about wanting children, men, they've never been coached.
So they're not going to waste their time with a woman that don't want children.
They probably do waste their time at some point with a woman.
They want to say they want children and turn back on them.
And they really want children.
So they like, look, if you don't want children to tell me now,
this ain't going to work, I want a wife that want children.
That's the real thing. And men do it all the time.
Now, the reason why we caution women not to do it,
even men shouldn't do it necessarily.
There is a discovery process that needs to happen.
And when you know certain things up front,
it doesn't happen. So they tell you like my friend, she,
well, she's in the program, but she went on a date, but she's in a higher year.
We were already friends. She's not a year, but she's in the phase three.
And she has been for a while,
but we already friends because we were church members. She met this guy.
He checked every box. She came back from the date. Oh, he loves God.
He's da da da da da. He, and he's six feet. Can you believe it?
And he actually had the green shirt on that.
Somebody told me that they saw in a dream and he loves God.
Yeah, he loved him. Yes, he loves God. And he's been over a small group and she named all these
things. I said, okay, how do you know he loves God? He said it. I said, really? He said he loves
God? She's like, yeah, he loves him. He, I could feel it. He loves God. But while on the second
date, he tried to get her to have sex with him. Oh, come on. By the time they got to the second
date, she had already planned for this man that loves God because he said he loved God.
She already planned for this man who's in the men's ministry because he leads a men's ministry.
She'd already planned for this man who has a business, who has these things. She planned for
him just a few days because he checked every box, but there had not been observation. That means
there has not been proof. It's just like when one person said, oh, he's so generous. I said,
yeah. How do you know? He said it. I said, right. How do you know? I said it again. He said it.
I said, so he didn't have an opportunity to show you his generosity. Well, no.
What happens in this process is that when you ask a lot of questions and you think they're
checking boxes, you don't observe like you should anymore. And what happens is when they do
something opposite, you say back to them, well, you say it. Well, you say it. Well, you say it.
And what happens as a woman, we believe when a man says something that that is true because women
generally don't say who they are not because we believe what you say is real. That's how a woman
generally is. Like if a woman says something, we use our words. That's how we express ourselves.
We think that, oh, okay. We think that's the way it is. But men observe women to make a decision
about who they are because it's wise to be observatory. And so I'm saying, Nelly, that's
the only, sometimes people can tell you what you want to hear and you're still going to go through
that process and you're going to be even more disappointed because you're going to believe
something about them they have not yet shown you. And you're going to take them at their word,
even though you say, well, I'm going to take you at their word and watch you. But they've already
planted a seed about who they are when they could, should be planting the seed by showing you who
they are and you build upon what they show you. That makes sense.
What if it's the opposite though? Like what if he's not putting that he's Christian or practicing,
but like he's showing me the fruits of the spirit.
I meant to bring that back. I'm glad you said something else about that too. Just, yeah.
I've talked to, even in this program, a lot of Christian men that don't put that they're
Christian on their profile. I can't tell you how many women I know had dates with me and it's not,
it's not on their profile at all. And some of the reasons, and Jack had shared this before,
some of the men in our program said the reason why they don't put it, because women are just
looking for somebody to make a baby with them. They want a family and they, they want a Christian
man so they can have a family because they've always wanted a family. And they said they get
tired of women. It feels like they're being used by women just being like, oh, you're Christian.
Oh, you this? Oh, we're perfect together. And so a lot of Christian men said they don't put it on
their profile. I've met men who were believers that didn't have it on their profile. I think I
have. When I talked to them, they said, you know, whatever. I don't necessarily have to see that on
the profile, but it is a real thing. I've had too many men to see it. And we know for a fact from
even the men in our program that don't put Christian on their profile. So that's a real
thing. Now they put something like spiritual agnostic, like that's a no-go for me. It's not
even no point. I don't even know what we're going to talk about when we go to coffee. You know,
I'm just saying like, that's, that's just a no-go for me, but yeah. So I think that we should get
to know a person, even if a person is not a believer. And sometimes we feel like we don't
have time for dates. I'm looking for a husband. Trust me, Nella, as you start weaning people out
and let people rise to the top, you're going to start zoning in on a man that rises to the top
for spiritual DNA. Because we have a foundation for a man. Is he marriage minded? Is he mature?
And is he masculine? But God is going to take a man, this is for all of y'all,
that is usually the opposite of you to sharpen you, to birth out of you, to help bring forth
and cultivate the areas in you that need to be cultivated. And that's why most people,
husbands aren't just like them. No two spouses are just alike or they're going to have a very
boring life because they're just alike. But you need somebody that's going to ruffle your
feathers and hit your triggers to heal those broken places in you, because that's what
happens in marriage. It is God's maturity plan and you can't be mature, you can't be mature
if there's nobody there to mature you and they just don't come.
the way we want them packaged. But they should be committed to righteousness.
Right? They should be committed to masculinity. They should be committed to maturity. They
should have a teachable heart. They should be integrous. Those are solid things that a man
should carry, but they're not going to always look. Most of the time, they don't. Because
they come packaged to help uproot in you what needs to be uprooted and healed and made whole
so that you can go together forth and get kingdom work done.
That's nice. Thank you.
You're welcome. Marlee. Oh, Lord.
Hello.
Hey, Marlee. How you doing, girl?
Good. Yourself?
I'm good. It's so good to see you tonight.
Nice to see you. I'm cooking, so that's why my camera was off.
Oh, you're okay.
Yeah. So two things. One, so I had posted way back about a male colleague who is in another city.
Yeah.
So he did come to town, and we did meet for coffee.
Coffee?
It was weird because as he was preparing to come, he started calling me. In his messages,
he started referring to me as a friend, my friend. And I was like, oh, that's interesting how he's
he's using different words.
So anyway, so we did meet for coffee. He came all the way to the area where I live, but it was
awkward. It was awkward because at first he was not looking at me at all. And somebody was saying
that earlier. I think it was Lisa who was saying that the guy was shy, so he was not really looking
at her. And I think that's probably what it was, but I didn't pick up on it right away. I was just
baffled. And so we had the conversation, and he kept talking and talking and talking. Oh,
my goodness, my computer is going to die, the laptop. Let me just go up so I can
Put it on a charger.
Yeah, put it on a charger. So that's what happened, and it didn't really go anywhere.
So he went back to his city, and we've been interacting like colleagues since, right? Nothing
else. No exchanges, no really text messages on our personal cell phones anymore or anything.
So I think he kind of died there, and he had said that he was going to come back to town
to see me this summer. But yesterday in a work email, he said, oh yeah, but I'll be coming in
September. So things change, and I think there's still issues with his ex. So I think that it was
a nice date. We had a chat, which towards the end became more professional than anything,
and that was the end of it, right? But I also registered on Salt, and for whatever reason,
there was this person that is in the US, and as you know, I'm in Canada. And I don't know,
there was something about him that I liked about his profile, the picture. So I just
sent a message saying that it was a beautiful picture, and we've been communicating. But
I put a question on the Ask a Coach section today, because after three messages, I think he asked,
how do I feel about relocating, and do I foresee an issue about the fact that he's Baptist,
and I go to a Pentecostal church? So I was thinking, that's a bit early. So I said,
I don't know enough about being a Baptist, that Baptist shouldn't know anything,
and about the relocation, I will have to get back to him. But now he came back, and he said,
I'm open to relocating, as long as it's warm weather most of the time, because he's retired.
For as far as denominations go, I do not think it's a bad idea to relocate.
see any problem as long as both people respect each other's methods of worship.
What is a deal-breaker though would be someone who is caught up in the health
and wealth prosperity ministry. That's where I draw the line have a peaceful
and blessed day. I have no idea what that means.
Have you seen like you know people who say um I don't know what you mean by health and
wealth but I think he's trying to say like um
prosperity gospel what they call prosperity gospel.
Yeah but what is it?
Like when they teach that God wants you to be prosperous um yeah that God doesn't want you
poor he wants you to be prosperous like God wants you to have money he wants you to have wealth.
Okay so that's prosperity gospel.
Mm-hmm pretty much.
Okay okay okay yeah um yeah.
What what did you say to that?
I mean I just it's it's just it's let me give a coaching response hold up.
You would have another response as well I assume.
I'm like like what the heck who goes into all of that?
Like what are you talking about?
I don't think I'm preaching health and wealth shut up.
You want to preach broken poor?
What you want to be sick and poor?
What do you want?
What's God like?
You should message him back do you want to be sick and poor?
I mean sick you'll be yes.
Yeah I could just say oh thank you so much for sharing.
This is oh thanks for sharing.
Yeah I was thinking like all three questions the the one about the relocation,
the one about being Baptist and the one now about health and prosperity gospel were
early it's like I said I think it's the third chat message that we've had.
Men move a little more quickly if they feel like there's something that they want.
They know that usually time most time it takes a greater investment for men because
they're going to start putting their money into this woman.
He's going to put money into traveling so that means he's you know I'm saying he's
not going to be looking to you to do something.
So he's like well let's get this out of the way.
That's how men are.
Let's get the because they feel like they're going to be footing most of it and in dating
men do generally foot dinners and also they're thinking about financial investments and it's
like there's no point in investing in this if this ain't this.
It's kind of like Natalie said how about I just say up front what it's going to be and
you can tell me whether you want it or not.
That's what he just did and that's what I was telling that a lot of time men do that
very very quickly and he's just saying like if you enter this I don't want that.
You're not willing to relocate.
I'm willing to relocate to you but really Marley the response is like hey you shared
a lot.
I usually go much slower and just get to know a person first.
If you want to get to know him you can say so if you're interested in chatting and getting
to know each other I would enjoy that.
That's it.
Don't respond to will you move?
Will you this?
Is it sick and poor?
Wealth and rich?
Whatever.
Just don't even just say hey thanks for sharing.
Thank you Lori.
What did she say?
She said as long as we're poor.
But that's funny because before he said that about the wealth and prosperity gospel I was
thinking weirdly surprisingly I found myself not being opposed to the actual idea of possibly
I know I'm adding a lot of words but I was I was surprised that I was not well forget
it like next up that I was open to at least getting learning to get to know the person
you know.
I was I was surprised but that last title threw me off.
Yeah he's strong about that but I wouldn't even give feedback even if he talked about
just say hey I really do want to get to know you.
There's no need to talk about difference of theology right now.
Okay.
Yeah you're a person you're not a theology.
Okay thank you.
You're welcome that's a good question.
Um I'm about to mess up your name again.
It's not Sophia it's
Sifiso.
Sofiso! Yes. Hey Sofiso! Hi, hi. Yay. Okay, I have some updates and then a question. Okay.
So I went on a date with, I went on a fishing date. We just like, we didn't, we weren't
gonna eat anything we caught though, because it was the Hudson River, so yuck, but we just
spent about an hour fishing, and I was like, this is a really nice date idea, you know?
It like, it was cute and flirty and stuff. I honestly, I don't know, he lives in Michigan,
I live in New York, and you know, he says he comes here a lot, but I don't know, but
I did go on a date, and okay, I'm talking to two people. One person is an artist and
is very communicative, which I really like. I love the way that he speaks about the Lord,
you know, it feels like there's, you know, he talks about creating with God and all of
that and in Jesus' name, and it's really beautiful to listen to, and he's also communicative.
One thing I'll say is he just lost his dad, and so he's like working through that, and
you know, he'll say it's manifesting as tiredness, his grief is sort of showing up as being physically
tired and like, we've been voice noting. Something I've started doing is just voice noting people
because people see my name, and they're like, and then I say I'm from Bulawayo, Zimbabwe,
and then when I show up speaking like this, they're like, oh, you have an accent. I'm
like, let's cut to the chase, to a voice note, so you hear straight up that I'm from somewhere,
you know, and it's been working. A lot of people are like, wow, this is so nice. I didn't
even know there was a voice note function on here, so that's been fun, but we've been
voice noting, and something that happened on Sunday is I had sent him a message on Saturday
evening before I went to a birthday party, and then he wrote back. He was like, oh, I've
been so busy, and I'm a little tired to respond, but I was walking down the subway steps and
heard this horn player playing, and I thought, man, have I got something for Sifiso, and
he sent me like a three-minute voice note of this beautiful jazz music by the F train,
and I thought, oh, that's like, what beautiful communication to communicate the boundary
that I can't right now, but I will send a voice note soon, and I did appreciate that.
Haven't heard from him, so, you know, I don't know. Like you say, people need to show you
who they are, like you need to observe. I'm really feeling that, but I did think it was
thoughtful, and then this other man, I have a question. He lives in D.C., so it's long
distance, and I'm curious, the question really is about the, like we talked on the phone.
I think we talked for too long. I started to just get crazy and say all kinds of things,
and I was like, I need to get off the phone real quick. I like, I was hallucinating, I
swear. I would say at one point, I was like, I need to get off the phone. Why am I still
speaking? Shut up. You know, swallow the words, but yeah, I don't know. I'm like curious about
how to do that. He's coming here on the 19th of next month. He's like, he confirmed today
that he's booked his tickets, and he's got friends that he's coming to see, but you know,
we've made plans to connect on that weekend, so I don't know. I'm just curious about the
interim. How much time is too much time on the phone? I don't want to get into that rhythm,
like in the course, you know, videos. It's like, don't be talking to these guys forever.
I don't know. I have quit. I just, yeah, I'm curious about what you think.
So, if you really like him, you're going to talk a lot, unless you have a lot of discipline,
and you tell yourself what to do, and yourself obeys you. So, but these are two things that can
happen, just to give you a pain of outcome for you. If you like him a lot, and you just start
talking every day, not every, you know, all the time, lots of time, you're getting yourself one
used to talking to him, used to making him a part of your life, and then he shows up,
and it's like, oh, I'm really not that into you, but you've already made him a part of your day-to-day
conversations, and now you got to also remove him from that. Yeah. You got to feel that sting.
Yeah. Right? Yeah. But you can...
take it and pace out your time and you can tell him like I'm really into you, I look forward to
seeing you, but I don't want to build too much before we experience each other in person. So
let's pace out our talking until we meet each other because you want a part of getting to
know a person is not just on the phone, you really do have to experience them. Yeah.
Because it's different. It's going to be very different when you get around them.
Experience trumps phone conversations. And a lot of times you'll start to develop an emotional
connection, even if you're not talking about things, but you just, they're there and you get
used to it. And then when it doesn't line up, when you meet them in person, it's very disappointing.
And so the reason why I wanted to paint a picture for you of like what that outcome
could look like is so that even if you do want to talk to him, you understand
what you're waging here. Right. And so then also, let's say you get, he was okay, but you really
don't like him that much, but you've already made a habit of talking every day. So now you got to
show enough telling him, I really am not interested, you know, but if you don't do it that way and you
pace it when you meet him, so like, it was great meeting you. I don't feel like we have much in
common though. I don't feel like we're going to be a good fit. And here's why you wouldn't have
had all that equity of talking every day. You already paced it out. Yeah. That's good. And
you've already set the outline that I'm going to experience you before I make a decision. Yeah.
Instead of I'm sold on you. I can't wait to see you. Yeah. Two different things. And it changes
the expectation that he's going to expect from you as well. Yeah, that's really good.
Thank you. You're welcome. I'm excited for you. All right. So
Laurie. Okay. So since last week, I, I've set up a eHarmony and Facebook dating. Yeah. And I've been
talking to a guy from Chicago. Laurie, I'm sorry to interrupt you. Give me one second. So you guys,
we're well over time. It's 8.15. You can feel free to leave if you want. Felicia, Hannah, and Megan,
the reason why I jumped to Laurie because she hadn't asked a question. If you don't mind,
will you type your question in the comments and so, or write it out so that when you do
ask it, it'll be like really quick and I can give you a response. But if it's something that's a
little bit more in detail, I'm going to ask you to post it on the wall because it'll be my third
time going over time again. So I can't go over time though. We just went over time. I'm going to
let Laurie talk, but I want you guys to know that I recognize you and I'm not ignoring you. And if
you want to post it in the comments, when I read it, I can quickly respond just what it is, or you
could post it on the community wall. Is that okay? Okay. So you know, I don't, I don't have a burning
question right now. Okay. All right. Yep. So signed up on two sites and yeah, I tried to get out of,
I've had lots of things come up. I've like tried to get emailed eHarmony to cancel it. Cause I just
like, it was just like overload for my mind and then couldn't get out of it. Like just noticing
behaviors. Yeah. But now today somebody that's just a half an hour away reached out to me
and he looks like a really great possibility. Like he went to the same college, which is in,
in the town I'm in. So we've just exchanged a few messages, but both went to the same college and
both from Northern California, like grew up in Northern California, which I think is really
interesting. We haven't gotten too far into the conversation, but he's, he's rugged and masculine
and not, he's an executive, but he doesn't look like an executive. He looks more like somebody
that'd be like a mountain bike riding type. So like flannel shirt, but like groomed. Yeah.
So very different, very different from who I normally talk to. And then I'm talking to another
guy in Chicago and not super interested in him. Like he, he, it's just kind of like, he,
he sends, like, he just sent all this list of like society things that he's doing. And like,
there was no like heart in it. And this, the countenance on this guy is just like all heart.
And the one that I'm talking to now that's close. So it's like, I'm just not into like,
you know, dropping names of these.
oppressive societies that I belong to, or being in that type of community.
I'm more into like, worship on the dune.
That's, that's what's coming up this Saturday.
That's more like, yeah.
Or, you know, something, uh, music in the park.
That sort of wouldn't have to be music could be jazz, whatever, but so it's
just interesting side by side.
Um, but I, yeah, I've definitely, I've gotten, definitely have had my
opportunities with triggers and notice that right after he sent that list of
things that was just like a list of all the things he's doing this summer.
And he's like somebody who's super active.
And, um, but he didn't ask any questions about me.
I called him an asshole in my head.
And I realized that except for it wasn't that nice.
I'm like, what an asshole?
Like, and I realized, Oh, wow.
Like, okay.
Why is, why is that coming up?
It's because he, he didn't ask anything about me and I didn't feel like he, like
he wanted to know me or cared about it being, and he really wasn't very two way
about the last thing that he said.
Um, but I just, you know, I was myself and I responded back with taking
interest in what he's talking about.
And, um, but this time I'm like, I feel like I want to say, Hey, thanks so much.
I also had the opportunity to chat on a phone, the phone call, like a zoom
call with somebody who's in Holland and was able to end that one.
Cause he's just, was not at all, just not at all interesting to me.
And so I, I just had the opportunity to say, Hey, thanks so much for
the opportunity to get to know you.
Um, I'm not feeling a romantic connection and wish you all the best.
So when he just messaged back and he said, thank you for, thanks for your honesty.
And I said, I said, yeah, I said, I, uh, yeah, I said, yeah, for sure.
And, and he said, um, I wish you well.
And I said, Hey, thanks you too.
So that was, uh, and I, I don't either that, or I could maybe have a phone
conversation, like a zoom conversation with this other guy just to practice.
Cause, uh, society guy, but I don't.
No.
Yeah.
You're not interested in him.
So it's, I don't think so.
Yeah.
It doesn't hurt at all.
Yeah.
We want the rugged lumberjack man, honey.
That's like, you know, his countenance is so whole, but he's definitely a man.
Like family, like family talks about like relationship with his
parents and devotions and like, he's like, yeah, it just sounds super
wholesome, but, uh, super masculine.
And like, he's got some grit.
So like he could come back at me and challenge me.
Ah, okay.
All right.
Okay.
Yeah.
Um, yeah, but I never did message that guy in California
that I went to ministry school.
I got on the call this afternoon and just quick asked, um, what do I say
after I say, Hey, how's things in writing?
And she kind of thought, well, he hasn't shown interest in, cause
he's an acquaintance really.
And so, yeah, she thought with the distance, it was.
It was maybe hard to strike something up, but yeah.
Well, that makes sense.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
I think that was a good, good decision.
And also like I posted things on, I just really realized that I was
holding back from doing my own dreams.
And so I've been painting all week and I, for the first time posted on Instagram
and I, um, I, I called myself a watercolor artist, illustrator,
surface pattern designer on there.
And then the next day I had a divine appointment at church and, um, got
invited to this artist collaboration.
And he released a testimony about how.
The Lord just like moved and they have a business and their family is doing.
extremely well, and they're selling sugar cookies, and like
how like God can do anything. And so it's just super, it was
just been really cool. So my next thing is to sign up for
sailing lessons and get a paddleboard because I really
need to fill my adventure bucket. Yeah, that's good. So
yeah, I feel like it's just been a really good week of me just
rounding out just creating space for myself to fully step
into all the things my dream life.
Yeah, that's so good, Lori. That's so encouraging. I like
the way that you've been investing in yourself and
enjoying yourself.
Yeah, that's awesome. Thank you. You're welcome.
Well, is that all Lori?
Yeah, I think so. Okay, cool.
I just need to repent for calling him a bad word. But I'm
like, well, Jesus, you know, I thought it in my head. So
it's okay. Yeah, he's definitely not your type. And sounds like
he got some other things going on about getting down to who he
really is. And that's okay. Yeah. Ladies, as always, y'all
are so much fun. Ashley, I want some updates on the wall from
you and Daniela and Lori. I want to hear from you guys. I know
we're out of time now. But I do want some updates and Lolita
and Shelly, I need to know about a date that you're on is
summertime and you're a teacher. So you should be having some
people in the mix. Okay, so you ladies were a blast to keep us
updated. It's so good to see all of you. And I look forward
to seeing y'all next Tuesday. How does that sound? Thank you.
Bye, ladies. Bye. Haven't we enjoyed you and Megan, give me a
update on the guy when you on the wall.
Thanks, Ebony.
Good night.
Thank you. You're welcome. Good night, ladies. Night, night.
Night, night. Megan, did you hear me about the guy from
California? I want to update.
Yes, I was trying to type and it was like I couldn't type fast.
It was a little disappointing. I wrote on the wall about it.
Okay, I'll check it out and respond. Yeah. But I have a
hopeful thing that I was gonna talk about. But I can maybe add
that. Another.
And you can do a video recording if you want to on the wall like
record yourself and post it. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. Okay, you
record yourself and then post it. Okay.
Yeah, just record and post it or you can go live.
Okay. All right. Thank you. Okay. I'll think about it. All
right. Bye bye. All right. Good night.