Good morning, everybody, and welcome to Supernatural Saturday.
I am so excited about today.
I think we're going to talk about a subject that is really going to help so many of you.
But before we get started, I want to do a little housekeeping because we have so many
new friends, new community members.
And so if you're new here, this is going to be the session that we have every week that
we are leaning into.
What is the current prophetic reality?
What is heaven saying?
What is heaven doing?
You know, we have our reality and then there's God's reality.
And we want to live according to God's reality, not our own.
Our reality sometimes is good and sometimes it's not, but God's reality is always good
all the time.
It's always working for you.
Okay.
God is for you.
Life is for you.
Yes, we have adversity in this life.
Jesus promised us that we would, but he said that we should be of good cheer because he
has overcome this life.
He has overcome the world.
So regardless of whether we have adversity or persecution here, we already know that
we have an advocate in Christ, that we have a finished work of the cross where he died
for us and as us, and we can step into the abundance of that life, John 10 10.
And so that is what this call is all about.
It's a reminder of that.
And a lot of times it's instructional.
God is giving us instructions.
He's giving us the cheat codes, okay, so that we can go forward faster.
And so that's why I love this call so much.
The other thing is, is that obviously at zoom, please pay attention to your camera.
If you're naked in the morning, don't have your camera on.
All right.
And also if you're doing something active, like working out in the morning, don't have
your camera on.
It's really distracting for other people.
Okay.
Make sure that you're muted when you come in so that we can get started quickly.
All right.
Father God, we're so thankful for your goodness to us.
We're thankful that you have a reality for us, a plan for us, purposes for us that are
good, that are always good all the time.
They're never negative.
You're not sending negative tests to us.
You're not, you're not putting negative things on us like sickness or hurt or pain.
This life has that.
It's already here in this cursed world, but you are showing us the ways of escape.
You are showing us with every temptation, the ways of escape.
You are showing us the upgrades so that we can live an abundant life.
So we can live a heaven on earth.
And so Lord, we thank you, God, that you have called us to show this world what it looks
like to be a son and daughter of God.
And so we pray this morning that you would give us a new upgrade, a new mindset, new
mind skins so you can pour new wine into it.
In Jesus name.
Amen.
All right.
Today, you guys, we're going to talk about something.
All of you are in this community in one way, shape or form because you want romantic love
and romantic love is great.
And I believe that all God ever wanted was a family and family starts with romantic love.
Doesn't it?
Someone had a romance that turned into your family.
So marriage is the cornerstone of family and then family is the cornerstone of society.
So obviously marriage is so important and marriage is part of that eros love dynamic
where we come together, there's romantic love, there's sexual desire, physical intimacy.
And then of course, I think you should marry your best friend.
So then there's that filial love too.
There's that brotherly sisterly love.
I know it sounds crazy to describe a marriage that way because we haven't sex and we don't
have sex with our brothers and sisters.
I get that.
But we should also have that best friendship love, right?
Jesus describes, you know, we're the bride of Christ.
We're betrothed to Christ and in eternity, we're going to experience the same type of
oneness.
Guys, it's not about being married to Christ, it's about being one with Christ in eternity.
Think of it that way.
And the two shall come together and they shall be as one.
Remember that in Genesis 2, 22, 23, 24.
That's what we're talking about in eternity.
And so the oneness of man and woman on earth, all the way from the garden till now, all
it is is foreshadowing the type of closeness and intimacy that we will have with Jesus
in eternity.
Not just some of us, but all of us.
But we're also going to have that with each other.
I think it's important that you understand that.
Eternity is not just about you and Jesus.
It's about you and Jesus being one and all of us being one together, okay?
He doesn't have just one.
He doesn't just have one of us as his bride.
We're all the bride of Christ.
And so we're growing in understanding of that.
But also Jesus describes himself, and this is what I wanted to get to.
He describes himself in the word as the, or he is described in the word as the friend
that sticks closer than a brother.
Right?
So yes, we're going to have those romantic connections to our spirit mates, but we also
need to have a friend connection.
I married my best friend.
I married someone that I can tell anything to, and he's not going to judge me.
He's not going to think poorly of me.
He's going to be understanding.
He's going to listen.
He's going to sometimes reply with feedback that is constructive and good, and sometimes
he's just going to listen to me and let me grieve, let me vent, rant, whatever needs
to happen, and vice versa.
We want the best for each other.
We're always calling each other out in love and calling each other up.
That's what friends do.
That's what best friends do, right?
And so we're going to talk about friendship today because we're not going to talk about
it in the context of your spirit mate.
You should definitely be good friends with your spirit mate.
Be best friends with your spirit mate.
You want to start any relationship as a really strong friendship where you understand each
other, where you appreciate each other, where you enjoy each other and want to be around
each other because if you start a relationship that turns into a marriage where you don't
really like that person as a friend, but you are attracted to them, they're super mysterious.
They keep you guessing.
You're always having Eros kind of love for them as far as, you know, really sexually
desiring them, but you couldn't do a three-day car trip with them because you don't really
enjoy their company.
That's not a good start.
That's not a good idea, friends.
Not a good idea.
Now, we use the word friend really lightly in this day and age, so I want to dig into
friendship now, and remember, it's not for the purpose of your spirit mate.
It is for the purpose of, I want to talk about friendship.
Today's Supernatural Saturday, if we want to give it a title, is Friendship.
Why you need more than a mate.
You need a friend.
You need friends.
Some of you don't have friends, and some of you call people that are your acquaintances
friends.
They're not your friends.
You know, I'm a pretty friendly person, but I'm just going to tell you, being friendly
and being a friend are not the same thing.
And a lot of you are suffering with severe loneliness that you think is going to be solved
by meeting someone of the opposite sex and falling in love, and I'm just going to tell
you right now, it's not.
It might put a Band-Aid on it, but it absolutely is not going to solve it.
You're going to end up lonely in your marriage because you need more than just one person.
I'm going to give you a chance to really think about that for a second.
You need more than just one person.
I've been thinking about this for a while because so many of you have no community to
really speak of.
Okay, you have no 3 a.m. friends.
Who can you call at 3 a.m. if everything falls apart?
If the proverbial poop hits the fan, who can you call at 3 a.m.?
And they're not just going to answer, they're going to come.
They're going to come.
What kind of friend do you have like that?
Go ahead and put their name in the chat.
And I don't want positive mental attitude here of like, I hope this person would do
that.
No, you need to know that they would do it.
And if it's nobody, then put nobody.
I see some people being honest about nobody.
I see some people having more than one person.
Lots of nobody's in the chat.
And you guys, I'm not talking about family.
You can be best friends with your cousins.
That's all right.
I'm talking about friends.
Just straight up friends.
No family members.
A lot of times family members feel indebted to each other.
They feel obligated.
They feel responsible.
Those are not the types of motivations that we want in this phone call.
We want people that you're really truly deeply connected to through friendship.
Not your kids, Penny.
I need somebody else.
I need a grown-up human that is not indebted to you.
Come on, I want you guys to dig deep.
Think about it.
Once again, okay, I'm going to ask another question.
Thank you for answering that.
That's your 3 a.m. friend.
Thank you.
For those of you that said nobody, thank you.
For those of you that are thinking really hard and wondering if the name that you put
on is really truly the person that would show up for you if everything went south, thank
you because that's what this whole conversation is about.
It's meant to make you think, okay?
It's meant to make you think and to come into agreement with what God has for you.
He has so many good things for you.
So now I want you to go ahead and put in the chat.
I'm going to do a little activity.
today. Go ahead and put in the chat if you, you don't have to feel it all the
time, but if you struggle with loneliness. Even though you said you got all these
3 a.m. friends, if you struggle with loneliness, I want to see yes, I want to
see thumbs up.
Look at all those yeses. There's just a couple no's, but there's mostly always
yeses in the chat. Look at that, look at that, look at that, look at that, look at
that. I'm just going to tell you once again, loneliness is not a problem
that's going to be solved by marriage. I know people don't like to hear that
because they think that that's their problem, but your problem is often not
your problem. Loneliness is not going to be solved by marriage. It isn't. It isn't.
Okay. Loneliness leads to isolation even in marriage a lot of times. It's
something that, it's that itch that can't be scratched. Let me tell you what's at
the root of loneliness. At the root of loneliness is a fear of being seen and
known. And so the reason why we're lonely even outside of these spirit mate
relationships is because we're not really into me see. We're not really
allowing people in. We have people, maybe we have people in our lives, but these
are not deep, deep relationships. These are not relationships where we feel
seen, known, and loved. We're afraid of those deeper levels of intimacy with
people. And I'm talking platonically, friends. I'm not even talking sexually.
Okay. Others of us are people pleasers. We have friends that really aren't. We have
a lot of frenemies in our lives. We have people that are in our lives and yeah,
they're good for a laugh and going out on the town maybe to dinner, whatnot. But
we don't trust them. We don't trust those people and for good reasons. Those people
are not completing us. They're competing against us. They're always one-upping us.
We can't have a conversation where we feel known, where someone's really caring
and listening intently. Having a friend that truly listens, I mean truly listens
to you and cares about your heart is very rare in today's world. People are
guarded even if we call people friends. And you know how I know that? Let's talk
about COVID for a second. When everyone was truly isolated, really truly isolated
during COVID, especially singles that lived alone, not going out, not going over
other people's houses, people are afraid of their own shadows, on quarantine, on
lockdown, all the things. A lot of people saw who their true friends were based on
political lines that were drawn in the sand. I know friends that never spoke to
each other ever again after COVID because one was pro-vax, one was not. One
was this, one was that. Anytime there's any sort of turmoil in the earth, we see
where our relationships stand. Maybe it's a turmoil in your life where someone
doesn't agree with the decision that you make. Maybe it's a divorce. You thought
you had a bunch of good friends, but then all of a sudden, you know, they picked
sides and they didn't pick yours. You thought you were best friends.
Possibly a little geography got in the way of that best friendship that you had.
You had to move for work or for some other reason, and the person that you
thought was going to be your ride or die for the rest of your life now barely
returns your phone calls.
Come on, friends. I've been there. I've done that. And what happens with every
disappointment throughout life with friendships, and a lot of your
friendships are truly transactional. If you do this for me, I will do this for
you. It's unspoken. It's unconscious, but that's what it is. And if either one of
you ever breaks that contract by not being available, not doing the thing that
that person needs you to do, then they don't have any use for you anymore. That
friendship is now over with. A lot of you givers have transactional friendships
with takers. I had a lot of that. I thought I had lots of friends. I was so
popular, surrounded by friends. But what I understood, eventually, is that all
these friendships were based on the fact that I was giving this person something
that they needed, and that if I ever stopped giving that to them, that they
really truly would have no use for me anymore. In other words, I was being used.
But I was signing up for that willingly, because I wanted to have friends. So deep
down inside, I must have thought that I wasn't worthy of friendship, unless the
friendship was transactional, or was based on something that I was doing for
them, right? People-pleasing. Toxic helping.
And it's a beautiful thing when you stop, and you withdraw whatever
it is that you're doing and usually it's out of balance already.
And then that person still ends up being your friend eventually, like they actually truly
did like you for you and although they were kind of miffed that you stopped doing whatever
it was you were doing for them, whether it was watching their kids, whether it was letting
them call you at midnight three days out of the week and complain about their husband
or their marriage or their boyfriend or their girlfriend or whatever it was that you were
doing to try to hold them together and help them in areas, whether it was loaning them
money or loaning them a car or giving them a ride to work or whatever it was.
And you stopped doing it.
And then after they got over the shock of that, they actually still were your friend.
And that doesn't very, that doesn't happen very regularly, but it does sometimes happen.
So I want you guys to think about what I'm talking about right now.
The Holy Spirit really wants to help you because he doesn't want you to be isolated
because you've been created for relationship and not just romance.
You've been created for community, not just romance.
I know your heart thinks that it's looking for a mate, but it's really looking for a tribe.
It is.
We're very tribal people.
That's why you love this community so much.
We are a tribe here.
Some of us know each other better than others.
Some of us came in together.
We were already friends that shared this experience and shared this opportunity with each other.
Others of us have gotten together in real life and spent time together.
Some of you live in proximity to each other and you've made it a point to gather together
and really do life together.
And that is the whole purpose of this community.
I believe in community-based matchmaking.
We cannot community-based match unless we start to get to know each other better.
And so, prayerfully, this Supernatural Saturday will be a catalyst for that because I really
want that for all of you and for myself.
All right?
Okay.
So, I'm going to make this the summer, instead of for the public, you guys, in my next challenge,
I'm going to make it the summer of love.
But for all of you, I'm going to make it the summer of friendship.
I am dubbing this summer that just started last week, the summer of friendship.
Woo!
Don't get too excited.
Remember, you should definitely be friends with the person that you end up marrying.
So, it doesn't mean that your love story might not get kicked off this summer.
It just means that we need more relationships.
I often say this during Simbis when I teach it, that strong marriages, good marriages
happen in strong and good community.
If you decide to marry someone and you both don't have strong friends around you that
are really going to help you and support you and pray for you, fan the flames of your dreams,
call you up, call you out sometimes, then that marriage probably is going to struggle
and maybe not even make it.
Isolated marriages, think of it this way.
Think of two gazelles, beautiful, lean, strong gazelles separating themselves from the herd.
Okay?
Just over here by themselves on the fringe of the herd and then eventually pretty far
away from the herd.
They're going to get picked off, aren't they?
It can't just be you and him or you and her against the world.
No, friends, that doesn't work.
And I know that that's like a saying, me and you against the world.
Yeah, the odds are against you and you're going to fail.
It wasn't created that way.
Yes, one can put to flight a thousand, two can put to flight 10,000.
The problem is that sometimes there's more than 10,000 against you.
You need reinforcements.
You need friends that you can call and not gossip about your mate too and tell them,
you know, all kinds of bad things about them.
So now they're holding a grudge and they have offense too.
No, no.
No, that's not what I'm talking about.
You need people that are going to really support you and love you and see you and help you
and vice versa.
Real true friendship, write this down, is reciprocal.
It's not transactional.
We all have associates.
We all have people that we're doing something for.
You guys have probably heard me say this before, but friendships, deeper connections than just
some random person in community.
When you have a deeper connection, let's call it a friendship.
They're for reasons.
Sometimes they're for seasons and sometimes they're also for treasons, reasons, seasons
and treasons or betrayals.
That will definitely happen.
All right, so you guys already told me who your 3 a.m. friend was.
So let's talk about why we need friendship and why it's not optional.
You guys, it's not optional.
Some of you are like, okay, well, Jackie, yes.
Hold on a second, you guys.
Someone has hijacked my screen.
I don't know what's going on here.
What in the world was that?
It was a whiteboard.
I thought you were going to do a display of it.
I'm just going to tell you right now.
I did not put that whiteboard up.
I think my co-host, David Dorman, who's not being a good friend right now,
put that whiteboard up.
Okay.
The whiteboard is down.
You guys, please don't give your phone numbers out in the chat of this.
Okay.
There's 257 people here.
Let's be wise.
Okay.
So if you want to connect with someone, connect with them in your, in your
groups.
Okay.
All right.
Why we need friendship and why it's not optional.
Okay.
Let's go biblical foundation.
I got some scriptures here, Genesis 2, 18.
And of course we know that this is about man and woman coming together.
It is not good for man to be alone.
Hey, solitary is the word there for alone.
That is the original word.
And so this wasn't just about marriage.
Of course, marriage was what God solved this problem with, but there was,
there wasn't going to just be two of them.
You know that, right?
The plan was to, for them to, you know, um, come together and steward creation
and be fruitful and multiply.
There was going to be a multiplication, but what God was saying that day with
the Holy heavenly family, father, son, and Holy spirit were saying that day
was that Adam needed human connection, right?
He did to be in relationship with his own kind.
He already had lots of animal friends and a lot of you have animal friends.
And you know what?
Animals are amazing.
And God made them for our pleasure.
He did, unfortunately, because of the curse.
Now they're part of our food supply, but originally they were for our pleasure.
That's what they were for.
And I believe that they were quite different in the garden.
A lot of you are going to be really, really happy to see what
animals are like in heaven.
You are, you're going to be really excited to see what they're like,
because you love animals and God gave you that love for animals.
But some of you are using your love for animals as a
reason to isolate from humans.
Some of you have way better relationships with animals
than you do with humans.
In fact, some of you even have t-shirts that say that I like my dog better than
you, all right, or some other kind of goofy saying that talks about how you
like animals better than people.
And you know why?
Because the animals are safe.
Aren't they?
They always love you.
They love you unconditionally, except maybe cats.
I don't know.
Cats are always plotting your death, but dogs and other happy animals, they love us.
A lot of times God will assign for angels, and I'm just kidding about
cats for all you cat lovers.
Don't get your panties in a wad and do not email us, all right?
I do not dislike cats.
I don't.
I have never had a strong emotional connection to a cat, but yes, cats
are assigned as well to people.
I believe that God brings for angels into our lives, and oftentimes they're
with us through hard seasons, through building seasons, all different types of
things.
The problem is, is that if you become codependent with your animal, please
hear me, because I'm not joking now.
If you become soulmates with your animal, then what it's doing is it's
filling, it's putting a Band-Aid on, or it's very poorly filling a need that
you have, and that is for human connection.
I want you to remember that when Adam was in the garden, he was already with
all the animals.
In fact, he'd already prophesied over all of them with names and all the
things, and God still said that he needed humans.
Some of you guys got soul ties to animals.
You guys, the animals have souls.
They don't have spirits.
You know that, right?
Stop getting soul tied to animals.
Yes, we know that you love it, and it's good, and the way that you treat your
animals, the Bible says the way that you treat your animals shows what kind of
person that you are, and so I think that all of that's important, and so I'm not
downplaying this part of your life, but I am saying that if you are using that as a
crutch so that you don't have to let people come into your life, because you
know what animals are not going to do?
They're not going to call you out and call you up.
They're not going to help you become a better version of yourself.
There's not going to be any ironing, sharpening iron in a relationship with
an
animal. They're there and they're going to comfort you and they're going to
appease. They're not going to fulfill your loneliness.
They're just going to appease it. And sometimes that's just the medicating.
That's the medicating and it's keeping you stuck.
And your dog or cat's not going to be happy to hear me say this,
but you need to spend less time with them. I mean, in a healthy way,
don't abandon them, but you got to get out with people more. Okay.
So Genesis 2, 18, Ecclesiastes 4, 9, and 10,
two are better than one. If either of them falls,
one can help the other up because that's about friendship, not marriage. Yes.
It could be applied to marriage, but it's about friendship.
Why do you think Jesus sent them out two by two?
It wasn't just so, you know,
one could put to flight a thousand to 10,000.
It wasn't just about spiritual authority. It was about companionship.
It was about friendship. It was about, Hey,
when one of us is blind, the other one can see.
When one of us is weak, the other can be strong. We need each other.
Let's look at Jesus's life really quickly. Was he walking alone? I mean,
he was on assignment. He didn't have to have anybody else with him, but he did.
He had 12 with him and one of them was a betrayer. Remember reasons, seasons,
treasons.
But then he added that whole circle of disciples. He had an inner circle.
Didn't he had Peter, James, and John. He had a crew.
He had people that he was more intimately involved with.
He had people that he shared even deeper things with,
even though he had 12 associates,
he called them all friends. He even called Judas a friend,
but John was the one that he had an intimate bosom relationship with.
Didn't he? Can you imagine being John,
being the disciple that Jesus loves?
Wow. That must've been amazing.
Although the rest of John's life didn't look too amazing after Jesus left.
So I'm definitely not going to envy him, but at the same time, friends,
you know, Jesus was modeling something for us.
Jesus's entire life on earth was modeling something for us in certain ways.
Okay. He had a more Pauline calling where, you know,
he wasn't going to get married. He wasn't going to have a family.
He wasn't going to be here long enough for any of that.
And he didn't need that because of the other things that he had that were part
of the maturity plan that God puts us all through.
So right now God is breaking the lie. Close your eyes.
God is breaking the lie that he's going to get married to a woman who's going to
be a woman.
And he's breaking the lie that your spirit mate will meet all of your needs.
Right now he's trying to break that off of you because some of you are just
holding out for that. Like, Oh, I'm not going to be lonely anymore.
All my needs are going to be met. When I meet this other person,
that's way too much pressure to put on one person.
You're not created to just need one person.
God is breaking that lie off of you right now that your spirit mate is going to
meet all your needs.
Jesus met all of your needs at the finished work of the cross.
You already have one. His name is Jesus.
And at the finished work of the cross,
not only did he meet all of your needs and all the needs you will ever have,
but remember God is source,
but he's the head of the human resource department and the way that those needs
get met,
the way that the answers get manifested is through people and not just one
person.
So you were designed to be deeply connected to more than one person,
to a community, not just a companion.
And so we break this lie off of you in Jesus name.
Come on,
come on.
Some of y'all going to get free today.
You're going to start opening yourselves up for new relationships.
And who knows these new friendships actually might lead to your spirit mate.
Let's talk about, let's talk about categories of friendships.
I have some notes written down here.
Let's talk about some categories of friendships.
I already told you seasons, reasons, and treasons.
So let's talk about those for a second. Seasonal friends.
They're here for a short time, you guys,
because they're here for a specific purpose. All right, let's do an example.
Example of a seasonal friend in the comments,
someone that you, maybe you worked with them.
Perhaps that like I have a seasonal friend. Let me tell you a story.
When I worked at, when I worked at a daycare, when I was in college,
I worked at a daycare. I was married to my first husband.
I found out I was pregnant and I didn't have any pregnant friends to go through
this pregnancy with.
But one of the guys that I worked with at the daycare had a girlfriend and I
found out she was pregnant. So I started saying, Hey,
I want to meet your girlfriend. You know, I'm pregnant too. And we became,
we became seasonal friends.
We were seasonal friends throughout that pregnancy.
You know, we're still Facebook friends.
We're not close.
We haven't seen each other in many, many years.
That baby that she had, that I had a baby
and she had a little baby,
she invited me to his high school graduation.
That was the last time that I ever saw her.
We didn't grow, our children didn't grow up together.
We basically just very shortly after we both gave birth,
we sort of lost touch.
But we were good friends during our pregnancies.
See what I'm saying?
We were there for each other.
We were companions during our pregnancies.
It's really important, you guys,
that you don't try to make a seasonal friend permanent
because we're gonna get really disappointed.
Right, look, look, look, come on.
Think of a seasonal friend that you had.
And I want you to be honest with yourself.
Am I mad at my seasonal friend
because they're not still here?
Did I want to try to make that friendship permanent?
Was I trying to hold on to something that had expired,
that friendship had expired?
It was for a season.
Maybe you guys were in college together and you,
you know, when college was over,
you went your separate ways
and you lived very different lives and there's just no,
there's nothing there anymore.
Maybe they were your childhood friend.
They were seasonal in your childhood.
I want you to be honest if you have, you know,
if you've had a grudge or offense against them
because you expected more out of them
than they could give you
because they weren't assigned to your life
to be a lifelong friend.
Guys, this is about assignment.
The Bible says, how can two walk together unless they agree?
Guys, we can't walk with everybody
until the end of the road.
I don't want you to become a transactional friend
that just uses people for a season and throws them away.
But there will be signs of whether or not
this is just a seasonal friendship
or whether it's a permanent friendship.
Okay, so seasonal friends.
Reasoned friends or reasonable friends.
I just want to make it rhyme.
Reasoned friends, friends that are there for a reason.
Okay, they show up for a reason,
but they're not there for a reason.
They're not there for a reason.
Okay, they show up for a reason.
Business, healing, growth, transition.
There's a good reason why you know them.
But it's possible that they're not going to turn
into a lifelong friend.
For example, Jonathan and David.
Okay, they were friends for a reason.
If you didn't pick up in the story on what the reason was,
Jonathan gave favor to David
that helped him become the king.
Jonathan was the king's son.
So the favor that he had for David came from the Lord.
Even though his dad didn't have
that type of relationship with David, Jonathan did.
That relationship was for a reason.
He was lending David his favor
because God had anointed David to be king.
There was a strengthening that happened
through Jonathan to David.
So you guys, these friends,
they may only be friends that walk with you
during a specific season of your life,
during the start of a business,
during a healing that you might be going through.
They could be someone who introduces you to other friends.
They could just be someone who's a friend
that is a connector in your life.
That's the reason they're in your life.
You're not meant to be with them
like in deep, deep relationship.
A lot of times this is more of a transactional friend,
but it's a reciprocal transaction, okay?
You're not using them.
They're not using you.
That's an unhealthy form of this.
They've been assigned to you to bring something to you
or vice versa for you to bring something to them.
All right, let's talk about those trees and friends.
These are Judas level connections, you guys, right?
They're in close proximity,
but for the wrong reasons and the wrong motives.
So discernment is key.
And we did the last Supernatural Saturday on discernment.
Go back and listen to it if you didn't listen,
because I don't want you to be shocked
when someone that you've been hanging out with
is the same person who betrays you,
because that happens.
And a lot of times we know it's gonna happen
because we have that inkling,
we have that gut instinct, but we ignore it.
We ignore it because they're fun.
on or they're funny, we really enjoy them.
We tell ourselves, nah, that's not true, they're great.
They love me.
Right?
All right, so I skipped it, so let me go back.
Go ahead and put examples of reason friendships
into the chat.
You can put the reason, you put kind of where you met them,
so work friends, college friend,
you know, you're friends for a reason.
Maybe you were both assigned to the same project at work
and you worked together closely for three months
and you were just great, great friends
during that timeframe, helping each other
to complete that project, but then afterwards,
you just went your separate ways.
You just did your own thing.
Maybe you had a friend when you first moved to a city.
They're the first person that you met
and they showed you around.
Maybe you had a friend when you first came to a school.
I remember in high school, I went to live with my dad
who I'd never met, never really been around in my life
when I was 16 and I moved to his city to go to his school
and when I went to, it was summertime,
so school hadn't started yet,
so I went to some volleyball thing.
It was kind of like a volleyball camp thing at the school
to get ready for volleyball season
and I met a girl there, her name was Judith
and she was a foreign exchange student from Spain
and she spoke very little English
and I was a reasoned friend for her.
She had just moved to the U.S.
and she had just moved to this,
her host family lived in this school district
and that's why she was there
and no one else really wanted to bother with her.
This was really inner city school
and people were like, whatever,
to this girl who doesn't even speak English,
but I had a lot of patience with her.
This was before Google Translate, friends,
so I had to kind of just figure out
what the heck this girl was saying
and I was willing to do that
and I didn't know anybody there
and so that was a reasoned friendship.
I did see her later when she was in college
and we were amicable to each other.
We were pleasant and civil to each other,
but there wasn't any desire to rekindle
that 11th grade junior year of high school friendship.
Perfect example, Gwen said renters in her home.
When we first moved to Austin,
we rented two different houses from the same couple,
so we lived in one of their houses
and then after two years or so,
we moved into another one of their houses
and they just happened to be people
that went to our church
and so during the time that we were renting from them,
we were, we hung out and also, I just forgot this,
but she also was a hairdresser then
and she's the person that did my hair,
but then she ended up having two babies,
they ended up hanging out with a lot of people
that had young families, which of course we don't
and she stopped doing hair because she had babies
and so even though I still have fond thoughts of her
and every once in a while, she'll hit me up on Instagram
and say, hi, we don't have,
we don't have like a real friendship.
A lot of you need to think about how you define friendship.
A lot of you have a really low standard for your friends.
You call them your friends,
but you wouldn't be able to call them if you had a need
because they wouldn't be available
and you hardly ever see them.
They hardly ever reach out to you.
You're always reaching out to them.
If anyone's reaching out to anyone,
it's you reaching out to them
and yeah, they'll talk to you if you reach out to them,
but they're not seeking you out.
Yes, that's not a friend.
That's an associate, like we used to say when I was a kid.
That's an associate, that's not a friend.
All right, so trees and friends.
Discernment is key, you guys.
And I just wanna let you guys know
that if you have one of these trees and friends
that betrays you, you have to forgive.
But forgiveness does not mean access.
Just because you forgive them
doesn't mean there's gonna be a reconciliation,
doesn't mean they're gonna have access to you.
You can release them from what they've done
without giving them re-entry to your life.
Very important for you to know that.
All right, so let's talk about covenant friendship
or true friends.
Jonathan and David were described as covenant friends,
but I wanted to put them in the category of reasons
because it was very important that Jonathan
gave David the strengthening and the favor that he did.
But they were also described as a covenant friendship.
But we also know that Jonathan died, right?
He died in battle with his father
before David ever became king.
Well, in fact, I mean, he was already anointed king,
he was already the king.
From the moment that you're anointed, you guys,
you are that thing.
But sometimes it takes a while for you to,
you know, walk into the fullness of it.
Ooh, that's a word right there.
So does God anoint you for something?
It is so.
But sometimes, in fact, all the time, it takes a process for you to walk into the fullness
of it, the fullness of the manifestation of it.
All right.
Let's talk about covenant friendships.
These are lifers, you guys.
These are ride or dies.
Stop.
Wow.
We got a lot of disruptions today.
These are lifers.
These are ride or dies.
These are people that will be there for you.
They won't always say the things that you want to hear because they truly love you.
And you've given them permission to speak into your life.
You've given them permission to make withdrawals from this account because they've made a lot
of deposits.
They made a lot of deposits into this account, so now they're allowed to make withdrawals.
You guys, please don't make withdrawals from people that you've not made deposits in.
You can't do that unless you're in a relationship with them that indicates that you can, like
you're their boss.
If you're their boss and you're putting them on a PIP, a performance improvement plan,
then you're allowed to make a withdrawal.
I suggest that even with people that you're an authority over, whether you're a teacher,
whether you're a boss of some sort, a mentor of some sort, got to make sure that you're
using that sandwich method.
People don't care what you know until they know how much you care.
And so be careful, tread lightly.
But just in regular friendships, you cannot call people out on their stuff and you're
going to see their stuff, you guys.
But for those friendships that are for reasons and seasons, very rarely, unless the relationship
revolves around that subject, are you going to be able to call them out?
Like for instance, say you met someone in divorce care.
You met someone in like a divorce care class.
Because divorce is the subject and because inner healing is the method in a class like
that, you might, if you have a friend that you get really close to during that season,
they might allow you to, you know, point some things out to them.
They might allow you to, because that's the reason why you guys are friends in the first
place.
Okay.
If you have, if you have a trainer, someone that, you know, my trainer, I'm definitely
seasonal friends or reasonable friends with my trainer.
Okay.
She's great.
I actually kind of helped her get married and we don't see each other out of the gym
though.
I don't have any type of friends that go and hang out, go to happy hour, go to dinner,
whatever.
I've never met her husband.
I wasn't invited to her wedding because we're not that deep of friends.
But I think that she would call me a friend.
I definitely helped shift her mindset.
But the reason why I was able to help shift her mindset is because she was helped.
She was, she was allowed to help shift my body because I came to her and I wanted that
input.
But the reason why I met her in the first place is because she was dating one of my
former clients and he was not the right match for her.
He went on to marry someone else in this community and he's happily married.
But because our relationship started out with that context of her dating him and her asking
me for advice in that relationship, I was allowed to speak into her love life even though
she was just my trainer.
Does that make sense to everyone?
That was the reason that we were friends in the first place.
Okay.
So be careful trying to tell people or give people advice that they haven't asked for
if that is not the context of your relationship because that can end a reason or season relationship
really fast.
It will end it.
All right.
True friends can call you out.
They can call you up.
They will.
They're supposed to.
Iron sharpening iron.
You're not always going to be feeling warm and fuzzy towards your true friends.
You're going to be mad at them sometimes, but the difference between true friends and
transactional friends is you will overcome those rough spots and it will make you stronger.
You will be better friends because you will listen to each other and you will seek to
understand each other.
You will forgive each other, but you will also reconcile with each other.
I have a couple of true friends.
I have a couple of true blue lifer ride or die friends, and these are not even people
that you see all the time.
You don't have to see them all the time to have a covenant friendship with them.
They're just people that know you and love you and vice versa.
Okay.
The feeling is mutual.
The loyalty is strong.
Your spirit connected, you guys, you're in a covenant with these people.
I want you to see that.
You don't just make covenants with your, you know, your future spouse in a marriage relationship.
We have covenant friendships and you shouldn't enter into a covenant friendship lightly just
like you shouldn't enter into a marriage covenant lightly.
These people are going to sharpen you and they're going to stand with you.
You see this, you see these friendships.
So if you have a covenant friendship, go ahead and put it in the chat.
And you guys, I want to make sure that you understand that.
Covenant friendships, it's a type of friendship and it's not necessarily your oldest friend.
I do not have, you know, my oldest acquaintance or friend that was there for a reason or first
season, the person that you know the longest, the person that you've known from childhood.
It doesn't mean they're your covenant friend.
There's a scene in this one movie, I don't remember what the movie is called, I'll look
for it, but I actually quoted verses.
I'm going to try not to cry when I tell you guys this.
I quoted, I quoted not verses, I quoted words, scenes from this movie at my mother's funeral.
And the reason why I did that is because her best friend, Kathy, Kathy and Diana, Kathy
and Diana, Diana and Kathy, ever since I was born, I remember hearing that phrase, Kathy
and Diana, Diana and Kathy, they met in kindergarten and they were bosom friends.
They had a covenant friendship.
They were there for each other through the hardest time, through the death of parents
and siblings.
They support each other through divorces and raising of children and all the different
things.
And there's a movie, and I believe it has Susan Sarandon in it, where she's talking
about being married and she's talking about having a witness to her life.
Is everyone familiar with these lines?
Having a witness to your life?
This is what these friends do.
And this is, of course, what you want your, your future husband or wife to be, too, also.
I'm just going to look it up and I'm just going to quote it for you.
Here, here it is.
It is Susan Sarandon and the movie is called Shall We Dance?
It came out in 2004.
I can't, I never saw the movie.
I only saw the clip and I only looked up the clip because this is what my mom's bosom
friend Kathy wrote in what she wanted to share at my mom's funeral.
And she was so emotional that she couldn't share it.
So I'm the one that shared it for her.
So it just says we need a witness to our lives.
There's a billion people on this planet and you guys, we know there's 8 billion now.
There's 8 billion people on this planet.
What does anyone, what does anyone life really mean?
But in a marriage, or in this case, in a friendship, you're promising to care about everything.
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all
of the time, every day, you're saying your life will not go unnoticed because I will
notice it.
And your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.
I will be your witness.
And friends, all of you are going to have that in your spirit mate.
But you will be surely blessed if you have that in a friendship as well.
We all know that's true.
Every day, I don't know what the number is, but lots of people pass away into eternity.
And who even really knew them?
Who even really knew them?
Who knew their dreams, whether they fulfilled them or not?
Who knew the deepest secrets of their heart?
Who?
Who witnessed their lives?
Who will remember them?
Who will tell stories of them on earth to others?
Who?
You need friends.
Friends that deeply care for you, that have a super natural purpose in your life that
goes beyond a reason or a season.
And God wants to give you at least one covenant friendship, you guys.
At least one.
May you all have a Kathy or a Diana.
Okay, so let's just briefly, how long do we have?
We have nine minutes.
Let's just briefly talk about transactional relationships.
You guys, these are relationships, and I talked about it at the beginning.
And if you're a giver, you're going to have lots of these, you're going to have lots of
takers in your life, okay?
And if you happen to be a taker, please understand that those givers a lot of times are doing
this because they just want to be loved.
They just want to be loved by someone.
So they're giving you what they have to offer, but you're taking it and you're not giving
anything in return.
And true friendships, regardless of if they're for reasons or seasons, they are reciprocal,
you guys.
Just want to make sure that you understand that.
Even if they're for a reason and a season, they need to be reciprocal.
If it's just you giving to someone, that's just you giving to someone.
That's not a friendship.
Please don't call it a friendship.
Those are not your friends.
They're not.
If you have a relationship where you're just have someone that you're doing something for
and you're helping, don't call that a friendship.
That's not fair to you to call that a friendship because it's not a friendship.
It's a relationship for the purpose of you helping and those of you that are in full-time
ministry or any type of ministry, you help a lot of people.
Those people are not necessarily your friends.
Okay, so transactional relationships are based on what you can do, give, or offer, but when
the benefits run out, and they will, so does the relationship.
The quote-unquote friendship is over.
And this is often common in ministry, you guys, or in business.
These transactional relationships are not friendships.
They are relationships, but they're not friendships.
And then we can go from transactional to transformational.
Transformational relationships, okay, once again, they may not be friendships, they may
not turn into friendships, but they're based on shared purpose, alignment.
They're not using you, it's reciprocal.
And if it turns into a friendship, it's going to be someone who challenges you, they cheer
you on, but they also challenge you.
John 15, 15 says, I no longer call you servants, I have called you friends.
So I want you guys to know that God is replacing relationships of performance and competition,
okay?
He's replacing the relationships that are built on transactions with relationships where
you don't have to earn love anymore, where you feel seen, known, and loved, where you
feel supported.
If you want that, he wants to give that to you, it's important.
All right, so some of the reasons why we don't let people in for friendship is just the same
hard work that keeps us out of romantic relationship.
We have a lot of walls, we have a lot of wounds.
Some of them are core wounds, they come from childhood.
We don't trust people.
Gentlemen, you might be like, I don't trust women, and you know, this is about relationship
that's romantic, and men, you know, women, you're like, I don't trust men, but think
about it in the context of friendship.
Some of you guys don't trust men, and some of you women do not trust women.
In fact, oftentimes, I will have people raise their hand and say, I'm not a girl's girl.
I want you to do that right now.
I'm not a girl's girl.
If that's true of you, if you've never really had female friends, deep female relationships,
if you've always been kind of one of the guys, and you felt more comfortable around
men than women, let's see it, come on, get your hands up, get your hands up.
All this means is that you have mommy wounds.
All this means is that you don't trust women.
The Bible says, even more than men, women need each other.
Go look in Titus, read those scriptures.
Women are supposed to be helping each other, teaching each other, supporting each other.
Women are very communal.
Some of the other lies you might say to yourself is I've been betrayed too many times.
I picked the wrong friends.
I'm too naive.
I'm better off alone.
Friendship always becomes a competition.
Well, guess what?
If your friendships, quote unquote, always become competitive, you're a common denominator
of that.
Maybe you're the one that's competing.
I don't mean to call you out, but I'm going to call you out.
And some of you believe a lie that we already went after at the beginning of today's Supernatural
Saturday, and that is I only need one person.
I only need my man, my woman, my husband, my wife.
They're going to be my bestie.
So the common lie in all of these lies is just that it's safer to isolate.
But the truth is, is that isolation is not a safe place.
All kinds of negative stuff grows in isolation.
All kinds of negative stuff continues to grow inside of us in isolation.
This is where addictions prosper, including pornography.
In fact, I want to submit to you that I think part of the reason why so many people are
addicted to pornography is because they're lonely.
I know that seems like a crazy thing to say because you're like, it's perverted.
It's this, it's that.
No, I think they're lonely.
I think that they're isolated on the inside and the outside.
They want human connection.
They got addicted to the dopamine hits from this, and then it spiraled from there into
perversion.
I really think that one of the main reasons why pornography is so rampant is because there's
never been more people on the earth than now, eight plus billion people, and we've never
been more lonely than we are now.
So, in isolation, you guys, that's where all the unhealthy stuff grows.
You know why?
Because you can't grow without the help of other people.
You can't.
God has decided to create this in a way that we need each other for breakthrough.
Healing happens in safe relationships.
That's why I always say, hurt in family, healed in family.
Hurt in relationship, healed in relationship.
Hurt in marriage, healed in marriage.
Hurt in friendship, healed in friendship.
Hurt in community, healed in community.
So, right now, close your eyes.
We're going to end this call here in just a couple minutes, three minutes.
We're going to land the plane.
I want you to ask God to show you where mistrust, okay, where past betrayals are blocking new
friendships.
Where are you blocking your desire to have friends?
Ask him to highlight to you where you're stuck, that pastor that lied, that church
hurt that happened, the people that made up rumors about you, the betrayals, the misplaced
expectations, differing of opinions.
Some of you, heck, some of you even had so-called friends steal your former spouse.
That's true of someone here.
That's made you never trust another person in the level of friendship again.
You thought they were your friend, but instead, they tried to break up your family, and they
succeeded.
Guys, we have to have friends because they call out the destiny in us, and true friends
will hold you accountable to that destiny.
They won't let you stay stuck.
They won't.
I am all of your friend for this season.
I will call out destiny in you.
I won't let you stay stuck.
Same with our coaches.
We are your friends for this season.
Will we know each other 20 years from now?
Probably not.
In fact, some people leave here successful without even a wave goodbye, and I have gotten
to a place where I no longer mourn that, and that no longer hurts my heart because I realized
that I was only meant to play a part in their life for a season.
I'd like it if you say goodbye.
I'd like it if you leave your testimony.
I'd like it if you share pictures of your wedding.
I'd like to even be invited to your wedding, even though I may not come, but you can't
have it all.
All right, so do we have all community prophetic night tomorrow, Bethany?
Yes, we do.
Okay.
So the activation that I would like to do tomorrow night is I want us to break soul
ties with unhealthy, you know, any kind of treacherous or expired friendships.
They don't even have to be treacherous.
They're just expired.
You're keeping, you have to sign the DNR.
Do not resuscitate.
This person has shown you that they've moved on.
You know, they don't hate you or anything, but you're the only person that calls.
You're the only person that, you know, tries to connect.
It's time to let them go.
Make room for new friendships.
Okay.
So we're going to do some healing work tomorrow night from disappointment from friendships
that have gone wrong.
Okay.
We're going to declare open doors for new friendships, divine friendships.
I believe that a lot of courage is going to come tomorrow night to initiate connecting
again and it's going to be a good time.
So if you can come tomorrow night for all prophetic night, we're going to prophesy,
call you up, call you out, do what good friends do for each other, but also we are going to
do a little bit more friendship work because I really believe this is a very important
subject for all of us right now.
Okay.
God does not want us to live lonely, right?
Hurting hearts, medicate.
So when you're lonely, you're going to do all kinds of stuff that you wouldn't normally
do.
You're going to watch too much TV, too many videos, too much social media.
You're going to eat things that you shouldn't eat that are making your body unhealthy.
This is what happens when you're lonely.
You're medicating.
It's time to have friends, have community and live this life the way God created us
to live it.
I love y'all.