If a wife is supposed to submit to her husband,
then men should be reading this verse and thinking,
man, if a wife is supposed to submit to me,
then am I the type of person
that a godly woman can submit to?
In this episode, we are going to continue
our study of Colossians and finish chapter three.
And this passage is about God's design for family,
his design for marriage, and his design for relationships.
So let's read this passage together.
We're in Colossians chapter three, starting in verse 18.
Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Children, obey your parents in everything,
for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children
lest they become discouraged.
Bond servants, obey in everything
those who are your earthly masters,
not by the way of eye service or people pleasers,
but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.
Whatever you do, work heartedly as for the Lord
and not for men, knowing that from the Lord
you will receive the inheritance as your reward.
You are serving the Lord Christ.
For the wrongdoer will be paid back
for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.
Masters, treat your bond servants justly and fairly,
knowing that you also have a master in heaven.
So this passage has a little something for everyone, right?
Paul is addressing Christian households,
and in this section of his letter
he lists a few different groups of people, right?
He starts with wives, then he addresses husbands,
then fathers, then children, then bond servants,
and at the very end he addresses masters.
So as we study this passage,
whether you are currently a wife or a husband
or you're striving for that,
whether you're currently a parent
or you're striving for that,
or same with parenting, you wanna be a parent,
you are a parent, we all can pull something
out of this passage that applies to us.
So let's start with wives.
In verse 18, Paul says,
wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord.
And that word submit is important
to spend a little bit of time on and define
because it's often been misused
in the Christian church quite often,
and I think it's been misinterpreted.
And so this verse can really be divisive
because of that word submit.
So let's break it down, and as I explain it,
stay with me, because I know even that word
can make people cringe a little bit,
but we're gonna look at what it meant at the time
and the context and what it means for families today.
So the word submit here is the same word used
in the Bible to describe military ranks.
And so to submit means to be under in rank,
so let me explain further.
I spent 10 years in the military,
and in those 10 years, I promoted quite a few times
and started as an E1 and left as an E6,
and so got to promote and be different ranks,
and with that comes different roles.
And so I had people below me in rank that reported me,
and I also had people that I reported to.
And the military is set up in this way
to maintain order in what we call a chain of command,
and it sets up a system of order
and also a system of respect.
And it's important to maintain that order
and gives everyone a system to operate under.
And so God's created an order and design
for marriages and families as well,
and so his design for marriages is one
where the man and the husband is the head of the household.
That does not mean that the husband
is more important than the wife
or that the husband is smarter than the wife
or godlier than the wife.
It doesn't mean that at all.
And as a married man, I can tell you
that I am not smarter than my wife, not at all, right?
So that's not what it means.
In Galatians 3, it says that all are one,
all are equal under Christ, right, under God in Christ.
And so just like the military,
just because you outrank somebody
does not mean you're smarter or better than them
or anything like that.
So rank has to do with order and authority,
not ability or value.
So rank has to do with order and authority,
not ability or value.
And it's important that families operate as a team, right?
And to use a sports analogy,
teams have a captain or a leader,
and the other athletes on the team
submit to the leadership of that team captain,
but their positions on the team are just as important, right?
And everybody has to be doing their job
or the team's gonna fail.
And with more authority comes more responsibility, right?
These two things are connected.
So men, it's important to step up.
And yes, this verse, verse 18, is addressed to women,
but I think it should really speak to the men
because if a wife is supposed to submit to her husband,
then men should be reading this verse and thinking,
man, if a wife is supposed to submit to me,
then am I the type of person
that a godly woman can submit to, right?
And so as wives are reading this,
as men or husbands are reading this,
or future aspiring husbands,
and look at this verse and think,
man, can I be that person?
Am I that person?
What do I need to do to be that person
that a godly woman is able to honestly submit to, right?
So I think this verse speaks to the men and the women.
authority as the head of the house comes the responsibility to lead your family
well, support your family, and protect your family. And again this verse is
specifically written to women but men need to hear this if a woman is
biblically supposed to submit to your leadership be in a position where they
can they can effectively do that. And I also want to point out this verse does
not say men make sure your wives submit right or men force your your wives to
submit it doesn't say that this is a directive to women not to men right
women submit to your husbands and and wives submit your husbands and by doing
so wives are showing their husbands that they love them that they support them
that they're with them and that we're on the same team all while maintaining all
while maintaining their values beliefs and convictions right it says as is
fitting to the Lord so this verse is not saying that women should submit to their
husbands when abuse is happening right because abuse is not fitting to the Lord
so when this verse is happening well when these things are happening well
when the marriages will thrive families will grow and be successful so women
respect to your husbands respect your husbands and work as a team and last
point on this is is women who aren't married yet as you're as you're thinking
about marriage striving for marriage then make sure you choose a man with
whom you can submit right because you know he loves the Lord because you know
where his values are pick a man with whom you have the same values and
beliefs right you should be on the same page and if you hope to be married
someday then then date carefully date with that mindset right because here's
what I believe the goal of dating should be marriage so if you're dating someone
who does not love the Lord does not value marriage or family and what you
value then you might be wasting your time right and so we gotta have those
conversations about those things about kids about what the mission of your
marriage will be about about the future so when you're dating make sure you're
talking about those things so in keeping these verses in mind knowing what the
biblical standard for marriage is keeping that in mind even while you're
dating so that's the verse one the first verse of this section right talking to
women talking about submitting again submit does not mean blindly follow it
means lovely lovingly support and respect your husband and work as a team
all right husbands are up next verse 19 husbands love your wives and do not be
harsh with them love your wives as the wife submits to the husband the husband
must love his wife this is a biblical command so what does it mean to love
your wives well let me pause and say that I am NOT an expert in marriage I've
managed to be married for eight and a half years though so that's something
and I've learned a thing or two in the word love here in verse 19 does not
translate to affect like affectionate or romantic love like that's not the type
of love that Paul's talking about here it's a caring type of love an
intentional deliberate type of love in other words it's a choice it's an action
right it's waking up every day and choosing to love your wife it's not
about attraction or affection or feelings in fact it's not a feeling at
all right it's a deliberate action or a choice to choose to love right it's
action it's not just the way you're feeling is we show love by how we treat
each other by how we serve each other and so men my challenge is to consider
that all of that what does that mean right it's not a small thing loving
somebody every day whether you feel like it or not is a huge commitment a huge
choice a huge thing that you're committing to and that's what marriage
is you're choosing to love somebody every single day and that's not
something that should be taken lightly or rushed into right so when you're
looking for a wife you're considering marriage ask yourself if you're ready to
love that person every single day if you're selflessly ready to make that
choice to die to yourself and love your wife it's a sacrificial love right and
so on this idea of sacrificial love and we're talking about God's design for
marriage there's a specific order in which this whole thing works best right
and that order is to get married first right then have children then have more
children and and that's kind of the order of the design that God set up and
when you do that it allows you to this have this concept of dying to yourself
first for your wife and then once you add a kid now you're dying yourself for
your wife and that kid and then another kid and you're learning how to
selflessly serve other people in your family right and and when that that
order gets jumbled up and things happen out of order like God can restore and
redeem any situation absolutely and let him do that and ask him to do that
but when we operate within that design God's design for marriage it does allow
things to be a little bit simpler and allows you to kind of learn how to serve
other people and in a specific order and so when we deviate from that sometimes
things get a little more complicated but but again this verse is to husbands love
your wives and do not be harsh with them right do not be harsh with them so
husbands if future husbands those that are husbands a note on leadership right
husbands are the leader of the marriage the leadership
of the family. In order for the rest of the family to thrive, they must feel
loved and supported, right? And that goes with leadership to any degree, right?
As a youth pastor, I lead a team of volunteers, a team of servant leaders
who serve our youth, and I have to make sure that they feel valued and
appreciated, or they're probably not gonna want to serve with me, right? And so
the same is true of a husband leading his family, is to make sure his wife
and his children feel valued, feel appreciated, feel loved, because every
role in a family is important. Every role as a family is important. And so I don't
want men to read these two verses about wives submitting and husbands
loving, and get this mindset of pride or arrogance, or you know men
get to be the leader and the authority and all that. I think the opposite should
be true. I think men should read these two verses and be humbled, right? Be
humbled by the weight and responsibility that a man has when it
comes to family, right? Because there is, there's a weight and responsibility that
a man should be agreeing to biblically when they get married, when they start a
family of, wow I really am the the head and the leader, and that's God's design,
and that's a big deal, right? So instead of being arrogant by reading this,
we should be humbled by reading this. But not scared, because here's the
thing, God designed men to do this, right? God designed men to lead their family
well, right? And then it says husbands do not be harsh with them, right? Other
translations use the word bitter instead of harsh, and harshness and bitterness are
two things that can and will come up in a marriage, right? So just like love is a
daily choice, so is choosing to be kind and reserved instead of harsh. Choosing
to let things go instead of holding on to them and harboring bitterness. And
that's easier said than done, and again I'm not perfect, my marriage isn't
perfect, but I'll say the best way to combat those things, harshness, bitterness,
with your spouse is by bringing in the Holy Spirit, right? Praying with your
spouse on a daily basis, asking for the Holy Spirit's help as you interact in
your marriage, right? Praying should be a huge part of your marriage. Next up is
children, right? In verse 20, children obey your parents in everything for this
pleases the Lord. So this verse applies to children still living under the
household and authority of their parents. Once a child is of age and moves out
then things are different, but you should always honor your parents, respect
your parents, obey your parents in everything because it pleases the Lord.
And again, family order is God's design. It's God's design for husbands to lead
their wives, to submit, and for the pair to lead their children. And God gave you
your parents, and maybe you don't understand that, and it's not perfect, and
every relationship with parents is certainly not perfect, and I remember
struggling through that as a teenager as well. But at one point, you know, I had to
realize that in my case, actually, my parents were right about a lot of things
and I was wrong about a lot of things, and we were able to figure those
things out, and I know most, not every situation is perfect, but it's the Lord's
will for you to obey your parents. And again, the context of this is Paul's
writing to Christian homes, and if obedience to your parents causes you to
sin, then again, that's not pleasing to the Lord. We're talking about what is
fitting and pleasing to the Lord within his design. And again, I think the key
word here, like the key part of this verse is respecting your parents, right?
Respecting your parents while you're still under their authority. Then in
verse 21, Paul has a directive for fathers, right? Verse 21, fathers, do not
provoke your children lest they become discouraged, right? This is a verse that
my wife often quotes to me, right? Do not provoke your children, because in the
context of I like to joke with my children, I've got three boys, and we like
to have fun and joke around, but sometimes they get frustrated with the
joking, and then Allie quotes Colossians 3 21 to me, right? And so, but it's
important to realize we're supposed to be, you know, men and fathers and husbands
be encouraging and empowering our family, right? To get the best out of
them, not discouraging or condemning them, right? But encouraging and
bringing them up, loving and supporting family. Well, then Paul addresses
bondservants in verse 22. And a quick note on New Testament biblical slavery
and servanthood, we're talking about the context of the Roman Empire during this
time period that Paul's writing. And Rome had an incredible, like incredibly high
number of people enslaved or living as bondservants, and slavery here was
different than what we normally think of as slavery, and over half the people
living in the Roman Empire at this time would have fallen into this category of
being enslaved or being bondservant. And a lot of times the the slave or
bondservant is someone who is indebted to someone else and working as a servant
until their debts is paid, and so you would have had people like this in the
church that Paul's writing to. And so Paul's encouraging these people to be
obedient, and to strive, and to serve, and please God more than people.
advice for us in our jobs or school or wherever we are whether it's a boss or a
supervisor or a teacher be obedient be respectful and do your work or school to
please God and bring him glory right and that brings us to Colossians 3 23 which
I'll read again says whatever you do work heartedly as for the Lord and not
for men and this verse applies to everything we just talked about to
marriage to family to parenthood relationships all take work right and
Paul writes whatever you do work heartedly as for the Lord not for men so
when we're serving our spouse our children our parents our employer
whatever we're doing we're actually serving Christ right we're actually
serving Christ so do it as the best of your ability right love people well
serve people well foster and handle your relationships well why because when
you're doing that you're actually serving and pleasing the Lord and
operating under his design for marriage and family and relationships and always
always always give him the glory in whatever you do