All right, ladies. Welcome. It's the 1st of July. We're here at the 1 o'clock Eastern
live call for Love Story Accelerator. I'm Carla Johnson. I'm one of the coaches at Last
Year Single. It's always a pleasure to be here with you, ladies. I'm a success story
myself, having gone through the program as a single, taking all of the wisdom from Jackie
and applying it. So I say that so that you ladies understand that all the tips and tricks
that we share with you, we get it because we've been through it ourselves. Is there
anybody that's new to this call? I think I recognize everybody. So I don't know if anybody's
new or not. I think I got everybody. Well, if you are watching and replay and you are
new to the Love Story Accelerator, we are glad to have you. Don't be a stranger. Definitely
come in live if you can, if you're watching and replay. I just from experience know that
the most breakthrough, the most accelerated breakthrough does come from those members
that show up consistently and intentionally and stretch themselves. We just see a lot
of breakthrough from that, especially ones that come live. They get themselves, you know,
asking questions, letting us know what's going on with their, where they're dating
and their heartwork stuff. And they're getting the most breakthrough. Karen, so good to see
you as well. It's been a few weeks. So good to see you go. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.
All right, ladies. Well, let's go ahead and get started. Candy, you're new. Awesome. Okay,
good, good, good. I don't see your, I don't see you live on camera. So that might be why.
And I see that you just jumped on as well. Well, we are so happy to have you. So welcome.
All right. So just a couple housekeeping. It's not going to be long today.
Just remember, don't be saving those Zoom link passwords and logins because they're not always
going to work. We are switching those out consistently. So just make sure that you're
logging into the app and you're looking under the events and you're checking out the calendar
for that day. It will have all the information for your Zoom login. The best way that I have
never come into any problems is I just copy the meeting ID. I log into Zoom separately,
and then I join meeting and then I paste the Zoom meeting ID in there. And then it pops up
with the password and I type the password in, which again will be on the events calendar as
well. So that information is there for you. Okay. That is just the easiest way to get logged into
these live calls where you should not have any hiccups. Okay. When you are finished with
Love Story Accelerator. Okay. And when we say you are finished with Love Story Accelerator,
that is you've watched all five videos, but you haven't rushed through them. Okay. You're
watching one video a week. Okay. And you've come to some live calls. You've been an active
participant. Okay. Then you can request to move forward by sending an email to admin at
JackieDorman.com. Okay. Please only use that email to request to move on. If you have dating questions,
those questions need to go into our app. Okay. So we can't filter all of the dating questions
to that email. That's why we have the app for myself and Ebony to respond to you ladies and
give you tips on how to move through whatever it is that you're experiencing to give you encouragement
to pray for you, whatever it is that you are needing. Sounds good. We also want you logging
in to the app and communicating with us what you're doing in that week. So for example,
we'll do activations. So last week we were talking about, you know, how are you going
to be intentional? How are you shifting out of the waiting mode into the believing and receiving mode
and then come and let us know what it is that you're doing. All right. So that
We are keeping tabs and we know how to pray for you.
We know how to lift you up.
It's super, super helpful.
So now this week, what I would love for you ladies to do
is again, continue to watch Supernatural Saturday.
That needs to also always be on your agenda to do.
If you can't make it live, we have Supernatural Saturday.
That is in replay, okay?
So just don't beat yourself up if you can't come live.
I get it frequently.
I can't come live on Saturdays as well.
I am a travel baseball mom.
So we are always on the go.
So we actually just got back from a big tournament.
It was four days long.
So I was out of commission for four whole days.
I thought I was gonna have wifi and I didn't.
So I totally get it.
If you can't come to some of those things live,
but that's why we also have things in replay
that when you do make it to a point where you can watch it
and you can dedicate your time and to do that,
that that is available for you.
So like I said, watch that Supernatural Saturday, all right?
It was really, really timely.
It was really, you know, something that was,
was something that I even had to learn
when I was in this program
was building community and friendships
and also having to truly assess
where my friendships were,
the current ones I had, where I wanted to go
and all those kinds of things, okay?
So with that being said,
I'm gonna give us a few moments for you ladies
to throw up in the chat your contact information.
I used to do this frequently,
but we kind of, kind of sometimes takes up a lot of time,
but I really think it's important ladies
that you grab someone's contact information
from the chat and really be intentional
about reaching out to them this week.
One of the biggest blessings from this community
was the friendships that I made here.
So if there is some, go ahead.
Yes, Lori?
I'm driving, I'm driving.
I see that, I get it.
So when you are at a stop, if you can type it in,
go for it.
Ladies, if you can't and you don't,
you're not able to type it in right now
or you're watching and replay,
because if you're watching and replay,
you can't see the chat, right?
So I'm gonna request that you ladies under the all tab,
put up some contact information in the app
so that your sisters here can reach out to you,
can connect with you.
Start building relationships with, reaching out to.
Like I was saying, that was one of the biggest blessings
from this community that I wasn't even anticipating,
excuse me, when I joined this community.
All right, I was coming in here for heartwork, okay?
I wasn't even sure how I felt about the marriage part.
I was a little like, I don't know about that,
but I knew the heartwork was gonna be really,
really transformational for me.
And so that's what brought me into this program.
And like I said, the friendships that I've built
over the last five years in this community
has been such an incredible blessing.
Many of the women that I made friends with
were invited and came to my wedding.
And even now I'm able to still keep in contact with,
anytime I've gone on trips or vacations when I was single,
and even now as someone who's blending a family,
I have contacts, I have people that I can go and visit
and see and touch base with
and just have relationship with.
And it's been really, really wonderful.
So lots of ladies in there.
So yeah, I know Christine, you're in France,
if you even just put your email,
so maybe you don't wanna share your phone number,
but if you wanna share your email
or if you ladies wanna friend each other on Facebook,
sometimes I think you can look up your Facebook stuff
by your email and stuff or your full name or whatnot, okay?
So there's all sorts of ways, like I said,
if you can't do it right now in the chat,
definitely make a post in our app
so that you all can start making connections that way.
Does anybody wanna share how they were intentional last week
and how they are starting to step into
the believing and receiving mode?
Did anybody have any great breakthrough that?
they want to share. Sandy, I see your hand up.
Do you want to share with us?
Sorry, I'm not used to going first.
So that kind of threw me off.
Oh, you're good.
Now, I didn't open the door for anybody that wanted to share
about like intentionality and yeah, so I don't even have
really a whole lot to share with you ladies for this week.
So we can actually just go in and jump in and taking your
questions.
So ladies, if you want to throw your hands up, put those
avatar hands up and I am here to coach you through whether
it's a dating situation, a heartwork situation, a
friendship situation, a question about our program, whatever
it is.
There's no question that is silly.
Frequently a lot of people that have questions.
They think it's a silly question actually allows a lot
of women to get breakthrough.
So yes, let's throw up our hands and Sandy.
Yes, I'm going to give you the floor first.
Wow.
Okay.
So actually I feel like it was a pretty big week for me.
I heard what you said last week.
You told me to just go for it and with that guy at church,
but I was also in the apps on Hinge.
I've matched with a few guys and I'm like regularly talking
to three one.
We're off the app and texting.
I'm not really feeling like a right away immediate connection,
but I'm trying to like do what we're told in like at least
go on one day or at least give this person a chance and he
seems interested.
So I'm doing that the guy at church.
You told me to kind of suggest I can't see you.
So I'm going to move this.
Okay, you told me to suggest like a hangout and on Sunday.
It kind of felt like he was like following me around the
sanctuary a little bit.
Like I was one where like I was standing somewhere talking to
somebody else and he like interrupted the conversation
walked in between us and was like I still have the glowstick
you gave me by the way, and I was like, okay, but I was like
talking to somebody and then he like circled back came back
through and brought it up again and I was like, okay, we'll
show proof but then I just was like, all right, I'll go talk
to this guy.
He's coming back around.
So I talked to him a little bit.
My mom interrupted.
We went our separate ways.
I walked all the way to the left.
He went all the way to the right.
I started talking to somebody else and he comes back around
and he's standing over there by himself looking like he's
loitering.
So I'm like, okay, I'm not crazy.
I think this guy is into me.
So after I wrapped up this conversation, I thought I could
walk away or I could walk to him.
So I walked to him.
We're talking.
And then later I had texted him because I was like, look, I'm
just going to text him this because he like ran away from
the conversation.
He's talking about the glow stick.
I said that he was the only person I gave a blue one to and
he said, oh, so it was special and I was like, yeah, you're
getting it and then he ran away, which is weird.
I'm like, we're like in our mid 30s.
Like this is strange.
So I texted him and I asked him.
I basically said, hey, I feel like there's been a flirty
vibe.
Like I want to make sure I'm not misinterpreting is there
like, you know, I just want to make sure I'm not misinterpreting
ask for clarity.
And he essentially told me he was not interested in me.
Which super threw me off.
Like he said, what?
Oh, you muted yourself, honey.
Okay, there you are.
So he basically, what did I leave off?
Did you, did I tell you?
Okay, I heard that you got thrown off because he basically
said he was not interested.
He said he was being friendly and that he doesn't, his words
were, he was being, he thought that he was just being friendly
and silly and that he doesn't see it going that direction,
which doesn't make any sense because he somehow got my phone
number.
I don't know where, I don't, I didn't know he had my number.
He's following me around church.
His face is red.
He's acting nervous.
He looks like he likes me and then he said he didn't, so
weird.
I don't know.
Here's the thing.
You put yourself out there.
And now if that's the, what he's communicated to you, you can
just go on your way.
Yeah, right, right.
Uh-huh.
You know, and who knows, you know, and if he is, if he's
still acting weird and goofy and all that kind of stuff, then
you know what now you put it on him to have to reach out to
you, right?
Yeah, so weird.
I was being gaslit almost by myself.
Like I thought I kind of went through a tiny mini spiral
where I was like, am I so single that when a man talks to
me at church, I think he likes me.
But then I said, no, no, no, I'm not going to gaslight myself.
This guy literally.
acted, even other people were like, he likes you. So I did it.
I just went, I left my house. I didn't stay home. I didn't
spiral for longer than at least an hour. And then I went and
played pickleball with friends. So I really didn't sit here. I
felt like I did log on to the prophetic meeting, but they just
kept talking about making friends. I'm like, I have like
20 friends. I don't want to sit here and talk about I just got
friend zoned by somebody. It was like, so just like not what I
needed in the moment. So I went to go play pickleball. But I
mean, I'm still talking to three guys, I feel like I'm doing
something, you're still moving forward, you're still, you know,
progressing, you're still just, you know, again, that's ladies,
that's going to be so important, like, it is going to happen in
God's timing. And I can't stress this enough, like you ladies,
you're going to go through the ups and downs. And you know,
you're going to be good, like where things are at, and then
you're going to get in these lows where you're like, why isn't
it happening? Or it's not happening the way that we want
it to the best advice that I can give is just keep pressing
forward, keep showing up, keep doing you know, what it is that
you're doing. Enjoy life. Enjoy life. I mean, there were times
where I felt like I just put myself boggled down with all of
the dating stuff that I wasn't enjoying life. And when I when I
recognize that I had to pull myself out of it being like,
okay, no, what's going on in my life? What can I be focusing on
right now? What's important to me in this moment, and move
forward. So whether it's friendships, or like Sandy did,
she she went and played pickleball, she she got herself
out of that mindset. Ladies, that is going to you're going to
that's growth, ladies. If you can, if you can sit and feel the
fields to heal the fields, but you also don't want to sit in
sulk in it either. Pick yourself up, move forward. Remember, you
can't mess anything up. All right. You can't mess up
something that isn't yours. All right. So if this guy's being a
weirdo, then guess what? It's probably not hers. Right? Sit
up. She can just keep moving forward. She's gonna go enjoy
herself, go play some pickleball. Who knows? She
could have possibly met somebody playing pickleball. And she
wouldn't have even known that, right?
There was a really hot guy that was there that my friend brought.
Like she invited me and there was like, three men and one of
them was really attractive. I didn't really like talk to him
that much because I was intimidated. But that was a
lesson I feel like because I was like, I left my house being sat
over this like, goofy guy. And there's this super hot guy
playing pickleball and like hitting the balls at me really
fast. And I was like, Oh, I just walked into another situation
where a friend introduced me to somebody.
Ladies, you never know how you're going to meet your
person. And you can't meet your person if you're sitting in your
house kind of being sorry, feeling sorry for yourself. And
I say that because I did it at times. Sometimes I just needed a
day where I needed to feel sorry for myself. And then I had to
also get myself out of it and still go enjoy and live life,
especially with the people that I was around. All right. It's
also why we expressed to you ladies in the beginning and the
love story accelerator video is go and let people know that
you're single and ready to mingle. All right, let your
friends know, hey, I'm in this program. I'm really working on
myself. I believe that God has somebody for me. And you know,
if you know of anybody, please send them my way. Let your
friends know. Okay, and then you got your sisters here. And
that's why another thing we we express to you ladies, if
someone's not for you, but they're a good guy, connect them
to our community. They might not be for you. But maybe they're
for one of your sisters here in this community. That's what that
happened to me. My friend from this community, she was already
dating somebody and saw my husband's profile was like, it
looks like a good guy for Carla. And she reached out to him and
he thought it was the strangest thing. But she had actually
prayed that God would need to bring his wife in a very weird
way. Well, nothing more weird than a chick reaching out to
you that you don't know not not because she's interested in you
but because she wants you to hook up with a friend. Once you
to meet her friend, right? Like, hey, like I got someone
for you. It's not me. It's my friend like that that doesn't
typically happen in in our society nowadays. Right? So keep
that in mind. Okay, ladies. All right, Sandy, keep us posted
about those three guys that you are chatting with. And I love
the fact that you said that you didn't feel some connection
right away, but you're still giving it a yes until to know
because
these again you're not always going to feel the spark and Jackie will oftentimes
teach that sometimes the romantic spark is actually a red flag okay so keep that
in mind all right so it's okay if you don't feel this instantaneous like oh my
gosh like this might be my soulmate okay we don't want you feeling like that with
somebody that you don't know yet all right so I love that you're keeping that
open all right Candy welcome it's so good to have you for the first time yes
yes okay so my question is I actually I posted on the on the ask the coach as
well I'm doing ambling kind of answer me so but I have more questions so the
story is you know back in February 2000 this year I met this guy on a dating app
and and we talked for a couple weeks and he lives actually not far from me but
presently at that time he was in California so I'm in East Coast he was
in California his job he's like just renovating a house so he needed for a
few months so back then he said okay I'll be back into PA in in the end of
April so I was like okay good so then let's have a so we have a video chat
just to make sure that we are not scammer you know so we have a we have a
chat and then you know it went well and I know he's a he's Catholic and all that
but then the more we talk and then he said oh I cannot go back to PA until
like the end of May and then so then I just and then and then in April I joined
this program the last year single and then I I kind of like not talking to him
that much because I know that we're not supposed to date and I don't I don't you
know we just keep a very casual conversation but then you and then you
may I have a I have a big trip to go so I went to Europe for three weeks but I
came back with I injured my leg so so so now I'm home resting and try to recover
but he so because I'm home and he knows I'm home so we have been talking more
than usual but when he called me he's always like when he is on on on on his
car you know because he's he's renovating his house so he's busy but I
cannot imagine his busy 24-7 but he when he called me is only when when he's on
the call like I'll go to pick up a pick up a fast food fast food from a restaurant
like I can tell he's doing something he's not giving me the undivided
attention so I feel like it's you know I feel like I don't know I feel like he
always fit me into his schedule so in so in June so this month early on this June
I kind of like just kind of ignore him just move on my life you know like this
because I have to heal my body and then also you know have friends coming in to
visit and all that so then later on he said oh I don't I see that you're not
interested in me so good luck and then I was like what is this coming from you
know I'm interested but but and I said to him okay actually early on I said to
him you want this relationship to go at your own at your terms right and then
he's like oh no it's not the case under why being very okay I'm gonna cut you
off for a second okay sure he but you guys don't even live near each other
right well we we can move back to PA you will be okay but he's not there yet is
he right he's not there yet okay so I don't think you know if he's not there
there's really not much of a relationship that you can have if you're
not I mean have you met in person no not yet that's why I'm waiting for him
to come back to PA to his post I think at this point like what I would ask you
is what what feelings are surfacing for you if he's not giving you the attention
that you're wanting I'm kind of I'm not happy about that I feel I'm not
important that's what we have to get to we have to get to what is coming up
because again this is a this is a level two relationship this is someone that
you don't know very well okay it's it's not that he might not be interested it
just might not be the right time right we have to kind of uncover what is it
that surfacing that you don't like and why is it that you don't like it well
because I okay on a person okay because for me reciprocals reciprocation is very
important to me okay so if I give him and divide the attention when he call me
I really present you know the person I'm talking to you I'm present whatever you
talk to me I remember let's say if I decided if I promise you that I'm going
to call you but I will call you back rather for him you know he'll text me
something but he used to recording you know you know the voice voice recording
so there's a whole bunch of typo on the text messages so what he was saying no
no not not voice recording I'm sorry
I think he recorded on the text message.
Oh, I see what you're saying, like he's doing a voice to text.
Right, so then there's a whole bunch of typo mistakes, and I text him back saying I don't
know what you're talking about.
So again, with all this, I feel like he's not being sincere.
Did he go back and correct himself?
No, he said, oh, I'm sorry, I don't mean that, you know, like that.
And when I point it out to him, he will, but only if I point it out to him.
Okay.
Ladies, I think this is just really, really important, okay?
We can't, like, I, again, 100%, I agree on the reciprocating efforts, okay?
If someone's, if you're reaching out to them, you want them to reciprocate and reach out
to you.
That's the reciprocation.
Reciprocation, though, isn't, if I do this, then I expect someone else to do the same
thing, okay?
I get it.
If I'm giving you my undivided attention, I would like your undivided attention, but
if that's not happening, we can't get to a point where we're upset and we're holding
it against them if we're not willing to put those boundaries and communicate what our
needs are in place.
So if he, if it seems like you're not, like, if it feels like he's not giving you the attention,
you say, hey, it seems like you might be preoccupied or busy.
Is there a different time that we can connect to where I can get more of your attention
without distractions?
And you're putting it on them.
And then, ladies, again, it's the texting back and forth.
This is why it's so important to try to have phone calls, video calls, because then you
get their undivided attention.
I can't tell you how frequently I'm constantly on the move and on the go, and I have to stop.
And even with my friends, like, I can't give them the undivided attention.
Now, if it's something serious and my friend's like, hey, I really need to schedule a call
with you.
Okay, cool.
Let's do that.
Then I can give the attention.
What I think is really important is this, ladies, when you are dating people and things
are starting to surface and you find yourself getting irritated, annoyed, frustrated, just
overwhelmed, ladies, that's heart stuff.
And we have to be willing to go to the Lord with what is this.
This is when we want to use heart work tools.
I'm not saying that it's not valid.
It's valid to feel frustrated and annoyed when someone that you're wanting to invest
time in and get to know them and you don't feel like it's being reciprocated.
It's valid to feel annoyed by that, but we can't hold these expectations to someone that
we don't know well enough unless we're willing to communicate.
But if we're going to get irritated and upset with somebody and be like, oh, I guess you're
not interested in me and be kind of passive aggressive, that's not healthy either.
And we have to uncover what feelings and beliefs are surfacing that's leading us into that
direction.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, but I just have a little correction.
He's the one who said to me that I guess you're not interested.
So he's the one who said it.
And then did you give him a phone call and say, hey, I apologize if it came off that
I wasn't interested.
I actually would like to continue to get to know you.
It's just been a little difficult because it seems like our schedules make it very challenging.
Would you like to jump on a call with me or do a video chat sometime?
Yeah.
No, he did.
He did that way.
Yes, I did.
And he did call me.
It just that when he called me, it's always sometimes I just in during the inconvenience
time, you know, like it could be I'm almost going to sleep, you know, or maybe someone
my friends coming, you know, that kind of thing.
Well, then are you communicating that, hey, these are the times I'm available or any of
those times going to work for you?
No, I did.
But he didn't call me at the time to be indicated.
Normally, he just call me whenever he's free.
OK, well, then just say, hey, I just I apologize, but I'm going to need you know, I'm busy.
I have a busy schedule and ask him, is this time or this time work for you?
These are times that work for me or either of those times going to work for you.
Be direct, ladies, you have to be direct with men.
But is it do you think it's OK if I tell him how I feel?
Well, I mean, I think it's again, ladies.
It's how we communicate.
It's again, it's stepping in there are divine feminine.
Candy, have you watched the Divine Feminine video yet?
Yes.
Okay, I did go go back and watch that because again, I think
There's a way of being able to communicate in a soft way. That's not threatening. Okay, we can express
What our feelings are and what our perspective is
But we want to make sure that we're not going on defense either
Okay
Yes, yes, and you can say look I really want to get to know you I
Wonder if maybe our schedules are not really in sync. Is that what you're feeling, too?
I mean, this is that's how you communicate with them. And if he's like, yeah, man, I'm so busy. I got all this going on
Hey, look, I get it. I completely understand
I'm in a season right now where I'm just open to getting to know people and and and dating so
I'd still be open to you know, continue to get to know you better
So let's try to find a day or time this week where we can jump on a video call
Until you can get to PA and we can meet in person
But candy, are you dating other people right now? Are you out looking at other people and like?
No, I'm not because I'm I'm trying to heal my foot. So it's not convenience for me to go out
So I haven't really I mean I did it in the past but I haven't done it for a while. Yeah
Okay, well, I mean but I don't think that just I mean I get the whole you need to heal and you're not gonna be
Able to do any physical probably in-person dates
But it doesn't mean that you can't be on an app and trying to get to know people and putting that into practice
Okay, and getting to know people. I don't want you to get so consumed with this one guy that you're
You're you're finding yourself in this this cycle here
We're getting worked up and getting emotional about someone that is
Still a stranger to you, right? Right, right. Yes
Okay, great. Thank you. Keep us posted candy. Okay. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Ashley. You're you're up next
Sorry, I'm in the middle of eating my lunch. Oh, you're good. I
Don't know that I necessarily have a question. I just wanted to update you on where I'm at. What I'm absolutely anything. Um,
I've been I've gone through a really
intense season with family and
Travel and just life so I kind of put everything on the back burner. Yeah
As you have a few apps that I'm trying going to try you've heard me say it. I really don't like it
I don't know that anybody really has
There's something deep in me that like I just hate it I absolutely hate it I hate the feeling of it I hate the
putting myself out there in
um
Like like swiping or whatever the term is and then because I went like six weeks and nobody
Like there was no reciprocation which I mean I get it totally get it
but
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know
Um, I just don't maybe it's maybe it's Facebook dating
I like that because you can see like mutual friends and like yeah, I feel like there's
You get more information if they put it on there
Yeah, and the mutual friends thing really intrigues me because I'm gonna be like, what do you know about this person? Yeah. Yep. I did
Yeah, but I I actually just started I started talking to this guy on there and
It's it's not gonna go anywhere because we had a conversation like one of the big things that is really really seriously important to me is
That yes that they love Jesus, but that they it's not just a or say that they're a Christian
But it's not just that they say they're a Christian that they love Jesus
And so we talked a little bit. He said you look you seem really amazing and I'm like I am
But uh
He said your profile looks amazing which I was like, I don't really feel like there's that much information
So he didn't ask a lot of questions. Okay, so he asked if I could cook which was hilarious. He said he hated it
So I responded and said yes and yada
But one of the questions that I asked him was what does it mean to you to be a Christian because I'm I'm not looking
Personally not looking to find someone to bring up with me like to my level
I mean, I want somebody and need someone who's gonna lead because I see that as a
strong core value for me
And he said
He said that he didn't believe that going to the church made you made you a Christian it's all about your acts and
Following a person doesn't you know, he's basically said he doesn't go to church and he
it's all about works for him.
And that's my churchy interpretation of what he said,
you know?
And I said, well, he said,
following one person doesn't make you a better person.
And I'm like, well, none of it makes,
like you're not going,
misunderstanding of what, you know,
the relationship really is that it's,
it's not, it's by works.
It's not by works, but it's through faith.
And, you know, I was like, well,
following one person really does make you a better person.
That's Jesus.
And I started to feel like more like evangelizing.
Yeah. We don't want to do the ministry dating.
Like, no.
And I was like, so, but how would you say, just like,
I mean, cause this is all still very new to me.
I don't know how to shut,
shut it down the whole blessing block situation.
Cause I don't want it to be like one of those things
where next time somebody like ministers to him or whatever.
And he's, well, there was that one girl, Ashley,
she shut me down because I wasn't her kind of Christian,
you know?
Yeah, no.
I mean, I think that's why this is, again,
we just give guardrails.
We don't give any hard rules here.
Okay.
One thing that I learned over time is, you know,
especially when we're on the apps, ladies, obviously,
you know, we have our preferences.
I, you know, and, and again, like,
we let you ladies lead what your preferences are.
But for me, when I was dating, it was,
I was not going to swipe on them unless they,
they put in that like little blurb where it's like,
what's your faith, religious, whatever.
If they put Christian, if they put Christian,
I gave them a shot.
If they were putting atheist in there, I didn't.
Okay. Cause that was like, okay, that was my guardrail.
That was, that was my, that was my preference.
And so I made a choice that when I'm on the apps,
I was going to like, and swap, and engage with people
that said they were Christian.
Now, what I did based on what I was suggested to do
and was coached to do in this program was I,
I practiced being a fruit inspector.
I didn't expect a guy that says he's a Christian
to have the same belief systems as I did.
Okay.
I didn't, I didn't have the expectation on them.
Okay.
I just was seeing them as they're a person
that I can get to know and God will highlight
whether or not this person is for me or not.
And if they are, and if they're not,
God can actually still use that,
use this person to grow me in areas that I need to grow in
to prepare myself for marriage.
And so it's one of the reasons why we really do encourage
you ladies don't jump out the gate about their faith.
Okay.
Because I can tell you, there are some men out there
that know how to lay it on thick and make it sound like
they have this just die hard love for Jesus
and they are not good men.
So we don't want to get ourselves so consumed with that
that right now in this stage, it is discovery dating.
We are just learning about a person.
And I know, ladies, I know some of you are sitting here,
but I don't want to waste my time,
but I already know what I want.
I get it.
Okay.
I get this argument all the time when we coach this.
It really is about a supernatural surrender.
We don't doubt that you have a belief of like what it is
that you know that you need in a person.
I was the same way.
But when I released it and I allowed God to move in my life
and move in the whole dating,
there were things that got unlocked
and things that I learned and grown in
that had I been so particular about that,
that I would have never really truly been able to grow
and receive what it is that God wanted to give me.
So I get it's frustrating.
So I, like I said, I put the guardrail up
if they didn't say they were a Christian,
I wasn't going to entertain it.
But then I allowed myself those two or three dates
or some interactions to allow myself to be a fruit inspector.
Were they patient?
Were they kind?
Did they have joy?
Were they loving?
Did they have self-control?
Okay.
And then through time,
I kind of could learn what is their walk.
Okay.
Cause just because, I mean, here's the thing,
the guy was very honest and was like, look,
this is how I am.
And that was great.
Like you were able to learn,
okay, this guy's probably not for me.
And then that's when you can say,
hey, I really appreciate getting to know you.
I don't see this going somewhere romantically, but I really do wish you the best.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to, you know, get to know you a little bit
better.
Best of luck to you.
And that's how you can kind of, you know, end it.
Okay.
We don't have to, the blessing block is there for people that are completely rude and just
not okay.
Like, does that make sense?
Like if they are, are just disgusting, sexual, whatever, that's a, you gonna bless them and
you blocking them.
But guys that are nice, that are engaging with you, it doesn't have to be a blessing
block.
It could, it could be a bless and it can be a best of luck to you.
That's that's what that looks like.
But I, again, I don't want to, you know, that we got a lot more questions, so I don't want
to take up a whole lot more time, but ladies, I do really want you to press into the being
a fruit inspector and just because someone is not where you are in your walk, doesn't
mean that they not can't get to where you both are going.
So that's, that's one thing that we coach as well.
Okay.
So the thing that really, the thing that really like stuck it for me is he said, Oh, but I'll
go to your church if you want me to, I wanted to be more than a, I want you to go that that's
really thoughtful.
I'm, you know, that's, that's kind of, unfortunately, like, I just don't see this going anywhere
romantic, romantically, but I really do.
Okay.
And you don't need to bring up specifics or anything.
Yeah.
You don't need to leave.
Okay.
Yeah.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right.
And I will tell you, Yellowstone, Yellowstone is a hundred percent worth that you should
go someday.
Oh yeah.
I was the one that posted the waterfall picture.
Oh my gosh.
Yes.
My husband and I just went out to Vegas and we drove.
And so we did grand Canyon and we thought that was amazing.
So it definitely is on our bucket list for sure.
Just to a few, two days later, after we were there, maybe three days later, they had snow,
we were hot.
And then they had snow.
I was like, this isn't, I don't, this Texan cannot compute this.
Yeah.
Right.
Y'all like this week, I was in the middle of nowhere, Texas at rocker B ranch for my
son's baseball.
Y'all is hot.
There was like minimal wifi.
Like, I mean, I don't mind the country, but I'm, you know, there's certain things that
I really love.
I don't mind visiting, but I don't like being super hot either.
I like some cold weather every now and then.
All right, Lori, how are you?
What's your question?
Oh, you're muted.
And ladies just know when y'all are talking, I do take notes.
It's not that I'm not paying attention.
I'm typically taking notes on things that you're saying that things that like are coming
up in my spirit.
So I don't want you ladies to think that I'm ignoring you.
I am, you know, I'm listening to what you're saying and I'm usually jotting down a bunch
of notes.
So, um, I actually had my first date, um, only he's not, he's not a Christian, um, but
he seems like a nice guy.
And I straight up told him the first date, I kept it to an hour, followed the rules.
And, um, I asked him, um, cause he didn't say he, he didn't say, it didn't say if he,
what his religion was or anything.
So I was like, well, what do you think about Jesus?
And what'd he say?
He was flustered, um, but he, he's like, well, I'll tell you what I told my son.
My son asked me that.
And then he couldn't remember what he told his son, but that was okay.
And, and, um, we had a nice conversation and, um, he seemed like a really nice guy.
And, um, I said, well, you know, this probably isn't going to go anywhere like romantically
or anything, but I'm open to like friends if you want to just be friends, but like just
friends.
So hopefully that was okay.
And then he, like, I had some pretty bad things happen, actually that the day of our date,
I had brought my friend to an emergency room and, um, she ended up dying the next day.
So it was horrible, horrible, horrible.
So I'm going through this like total emotional stuff and he's texting me like all of his
problems.
Like, and I told him that my friend died and I was like, I just was like, Oh my God.
He didn't ever once like even be like, Hey, how are you doing?
And I just, I just kind of, well.
I cheated a little bit. I, I talked to to my AI app Gemini
I'm like, and she like gave me this really nice thing to tell
him. I'm like, Hey, you know what, my friend just died. And
I, I don't have the emotional capacity to, like, deal with
your stuff. Yeah, I just I just don't. And he was so respectful.
He was like, it's like, Oh, I'm sorry, I do that sometimes. And
he is totally backed up. He's like, good morning. He sends me
all these cool pictures. He works in irrigation, and he's
local. And, and so he's been really nice and still wanting to
like spend time with me and stuff. But I, I don't think
I've ever had that happen before where actually somebody actually
respected a boundary that I was like, Hey, I can't, I can't,
like, that was kind of nice.
That's, that's a win. That's definitely a win for you. I
mean, again, just even, you know, ladies, celebrate the
dates that you're getting. And, and again, like, you know, God
is bringing people in your life to show you, there are men out
there that will be respectful of boundaries, and be responsive
and respectful. So I'm thankful that you had that. I'm so sorry
to hear about your friend. For you, for sure. And, and now,
like, even this community, if you find that you're struggling
with that, bring like, let us know. You know, yeah, this is
not just ladies, this, this group, this program isn't just
about dating. We're here to do life with you. You know, I know
one of the girls that we was in my community, she found out in
the middle of this, that she had breast cancer and went through
like, chemotherapy. And, you know, she put dating on hold,
because that was important. And we just, we, we lifted her up.
And we, we, you know, she still showed up. She still showed up
in our community. And she was one of our sisters. So, you
know, whatever it is that you're experiencing, whatever
hardships that you're, you're having, or, you know, if there's
losses that you're, you're experiencing, don't hesitate to
come let us know so that we can be lifting you up and checking
in on you. And knowing how you're doing. It's, it's the
best way that we know how to pray for you. And to just to
keep, keep you on our heart. So Lori, I, I think it's, it's
incredible. I'm, I'm so incredibly thankful that you,
you, you utilize that opportunity to say, Hey, this is
where I'm at. I can't give something to you right now, sir.
Like, this is I don't have emotional capacity. And you were
able to use your voice and set a boundary. And I'm thankful that
he respected you on that.
And he is really sweet. He gave me this little the first date,
he gave me this little like, dog stuffed dog thing. And I put it
in my eyes. I put it in my car. I'm like, yeah, this is my new
mascot. I'm named in bluey. And I'm just gonna like, I'm gonna
anoint him with oil and pray for him. Like every time I'm like,
okay, Mike, you're marked for the kingdom now. Like,
there you go.
I'm saying like, you and you never, you know, you never know,
like, you know, he might have a friend or something like that.
And, you know, he's connected to your spirit mate in some way.
Never know. I haven't. I have another date this afternoon. And
then Mike also with a different guy. And then Mike also was
like, Oh, hey, were we gonna get together this afternoon? Oh, I
was thinking more this evening. So like,
I love this. This is good for you. I'm excited for you. Thank
you so much for coming and sharing. Thank you. Elaine, how
are you?
Can you get can you get me unmuted?
There we go. This is what I'm like with technology. Okay,
that's it there. I'm trying to be optimistic. I love this
program. I love the hard work. I hate the online dating, but I'm
trying to, I'm trying to get past that and just, you know, do
it anyway. Um, so I think the last time I was on here, I think
you, um, you're saying that maybe kind of take some time
because I've had some really bad experiences. And I just got
divorced in January. So I mean, I moved and all these different
things. Um, but I, I really have never had any healthy
relationships with men. I've had three real long
term relationships that were not good,
two of which I met online.
So this is kind of why I have an issue with online,
but I didn't want that to kind of write my story.
Yeah.
So I decided to go on to what I thought was the safest app,
which was Arc, which is brand new.
And there's like nobody around me.
So I'm like, well, this is perfect.
It's perfect because, oh, I'm sorry, you're too far away,
but let's just be friends.
So, I mean, I'm kind of open to it,
but I met this one guy, we really seemed to connect.
He was very engaging.
And he's like, I'm looking for my Rachel at the well.
And I was like, all right, well, I'm not Rachel,
but I'm just, I feel like he has been very idealistic.
Like this is what I want.
And this is what I, you know,
he kind of like laid it right out there,
which I thought was kind of unusual for,
I don't know, I don't want to say a guy, but.
And then the next thing he's kind of just really,
he's wanting to talk again, like the same day.
And immediately I'm like, this is too much.
Like one good half hour conversation was enough,
but I had another conversation.
And I think I tend to be a good listener almost to a fault.
I think, you know, I'll listen.
It's easy for people to talk to me.
They kind of, you know, they pick up on,
I don't know what it is,
but it's not always been a good thing, you know,
because I can tend to be, I come off as empathetic.
And then, so I was trying to let him talk,
but set boundaries as far as kind of almost jokingly
saying, I'm glad you're sharing so much,
because that means I don't have to,
I don't have to talk as much.
I don't have to say as much.
And he kind of like got the hint.
I mean, it was a little bit of a dig,
but I mean, after 20 minutes of just listening
and I'm like, yeah, so we had some,
like three good conversations.
I was starting to feel like actually good about it.
And then he starts, he's very athletic.
He's asking me, you know, what I'm interested in.
I love, I'm athletic too.
And then he goes, so how much do you weigh?
I'm like, I don't even know how to answer that.
I said, what?
What?
You're not supposed to ask a woman that, I said.
Exactly.
And I'm like, and see, that's how I am.
I'd be like, has no one ever taught you,
you don't ask those,
those are things that you don't ask a woman.
You don't ask her her age, you don't ask her her weight,
and you don't ask her if she's pregnant.
Yeah.
And I would have laughed it off.
Like.
I kind of did.
I'm like, you're kidding me right now.
Right?
And I'm like, you gotta be joking, right?
And so I think he kind of got that, you know, that.
And then we, you know, the conversation was good.
We talked a lot about God.
I mean, that's important to me.
I won't even look at someone's profile
if they don't at least mention something about God
as instead of just being like, oh yeah, I go to church.
So I was, I actually was kind of excited about talking to him
and then he completely ghosted me, 100%, just ghost.
So at first I'm like, what did I do wrong?
Then I went into, wait, wait a minute,
let's just check in.
What can I learn from this situation?
You know, I kind of had a little,
I had some little red, well, let's call them yellow flags,
but that one was kind of red.
You know, my gut sort of was telling me a little things
and I also pray God, anybody that you don't want in my life,
you know, have them go away.
So I got over it pretty quick.
And, you know, I wasn't like trying to create situations
in my head, like, oh, maybe I did this wrong.
Maybe I said, you know, I was just like,
but it was like only a few days after that
with a couple other conversations,
I just said, you know,
I just don't feel like I'm ready to,
I don't feel I'm ready to do the dating thing yet.
I'm enjoying my time alone.
I've never really been on my own ever.
And so I'm loving that I'm getting involved in my church,
meeting new friends, really getting in with God.
And I definitely want that spirit mate.
I just think, I just really don't think right now
is the time.
And it's not that I won't dabble a little bit again,
but yeah, I just wanted to.
At least I think this is a good lesson
on being God defended.
Okay.
Again, just knowing like, you know, you went out there.
you put yourself out there. You had some conversation. You weren't sure how you felt
about it. You still kept pressing forward. You know, yes, there were some yellow flags
and then he removed himself. Fantastic. Um, and I get it ladies, the not liking the online dating.
Okay. One thing that we coach you ladies here. And in the online video that we have you ladies
watch, we emphasize, do not go online dating if you are not in the mindset to be ready for it.
Okay. So we don't want you jumping into online dating out of like this. I have to do this. I
mean, yes, we're going to have you, you want, we want to stretch you. Okay. There's going to be
some stretching there, but we don't want you staying in it. If your heart is not fully in it,
but we don't want you stuck in the waiting room either. And so that doesn't just because you
decide not to online date doesn't mean you don't go other, find other ways to get yourself out
there. So Elaine, like I hear you saying you're volunteering at your church more, you're getting
out in community is putting yourself out there. Yeah. And I'm enjoying that. I'm a, I'm a face
to face person. And in fact, I'm joining like three, three small groups. I'm like,
not just one, let's, let's just cause I have those friendships and building those relationships with
people. Because again, you don't know who's connected to your spirit, me, right? I mean,
ladies, I even encourage I do this often with you, with ladies in our program, you know, we,
there's times that we give activations, like go out there and smile at men.
All right. Like go make eye contact, smile with men, ask a man for help.
I even tell you ladies to take it a step further, just go engage with people go, you know, if,
whether it's a man or a woman, whether it's a man that's, you know, 85 years old or a younger man,
who's 23 years old, you know, build relationship with people, step out of your comfort zone,
have conversations with people. You never know what you're going to learn, who you're going to
meet, who they're connected to, what similarities you have, what, you know, crazy, you know,
circumstances are put yourself out there. So you don't have to be online dating to be in our
program. Can I just add one more thing that from something you just said, I have this little bit
of a reluctancy with people to not want to attract, like, attract something that I can't
get rid of. This sounds awful. But I've had some situations where it's, you know, somebody's like,
and then I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I just don't. I don't. I don't want. I don't want this person
around. I want to be nice about it, but they tend to get clingy.
That's where I mean, and again, this, this, have you gotten to the boundaries video yet?
I have, I need to watch it again, because that's a big thing for me.
It sounds like, you know, boundaries might be really important in this season for you to learn
right now. Like you're having to learn how again, ladies, we're all on our own different journeys.
So you may have to work through some things that have created this anxious, like tendency in you
to be like, I have to be on guard or I'm not sure how to act. I want to be nice, but I want to put
my boundaries in place. So, you know, this program can work for that as you're getting out and
meeting people. And again, it doesn't have to be online. It doesn't even have to be you out dating.
God can start putting situations and circumstances and people in place that he's going to start
stretching you to practice these sorts of things. So it's going, and you can utilize this group
and our coaching to help you navigate the best way to hold good boundaries.
We can give you all sorts of words and, you know, how to communicate with people.
We can, we can do all that kind of stuff. Does that make sense? Does that
give you some reassurance that you are in the right place?
I mean, even like on the script, this is new to me. I don't tend to like reach out to people.
I'll just like watch and then just, you know, so it's just, it's all new to me.
And this is what this, that's what I'm saying. Like you might not even be, you know, if you're
like, I'm not sure I'm ready to date yet. Well, maybe this is the muscle that you have to work.
Yeah. Okay. I'm going to get comfortable sharing with, you know, community what's going on.
things, some, some work on myself, some areas of boundaries, how to not, I mean,
it sounds like, do you have things with a people-pleasing?
It's either people-pleased or people-pleased.
And then when I feel backed into a corner, I, um, I can tend
to maybe get a little mouthy.
Yeah, that's fine.
Absolutely.
How dare you step over my boundary that I didn't set.
Yeah.
And that's what I'm saying then that, and that's what God could be
using this season right now for you.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're in the right place, Elaine.
I appreciate you letting us know.
And, um, like I said, I'm glad you were able to kind of, you know, you're not,
you're seeing that guy as it's okay.
Like you're not holding onto that.
And it's like, no, look, what can I learn from this?
You know, and I wanted to just add one thing.
He was super sweet.
He literally said before, um, one of our, our first conversation ended, he said,
have, you know, have a nice evening.
I hope you have Holy spirit dreams.
And he either leads you closer to me if we're meant to be or far further away.
I mean, that was, that's huge.
Cause that's, you know, and maybe God just said to him even, Hey, this is it.
And I had to respect that cause he, he came right out and said that I
thought that was really awesome.
Okay, good, good.
Awesome.
Well, thank you for sharing.
Thanks.
All right.
I've got Christine, um, Marley, Karen and Kalen ladies.
We have got about 15 minutes.
So if we can try to keep things short, brief and powerful, and then I think
I've got another question in the app or in the chat as well.
So Christine, if you can unmute.
Oh, am I unmuted now?
Yes, that's it.
Here we go.
And I can hear you now.
Okay, good.
Great.
Um, well, I actually posted, um, I don't post very often, but I did.
And I just wanted to mention two things this evening that I had on my heart.
The first one was, um, following, um, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,
two things, of course, this evening that I had on my heart, the first one was,
um, following the Supernatural Saturday, uh, theme on friendship.
For me, it just, it was just, wow.
For me, because even though it, um, the theme wasn't directly
linked with, um, dating.
That during that time, we solidified, um, this friendship zone, if I can put it
this way, um, rather than the mom, daughter relationship, um, we really
discovered each other in a new way, in a new enlightened way.
And as I listened to Jackie's Supernatural Saturday, I just thought, wow, this is so
apt, this is just such perfect timing.
This is what I've just lived through this past week with my daughter,
this new discovery of friendship.
And it was necessary.
I didn't realize just how necessary it was, because in fact, I've actually
been keeping this L Y S pretty secret, pretty secretive from my children
who are 20, 21, and my boys are older than that, but, um, I didn't quite
I didn't quite know how to, I was embarrassed.
I was, I just thought, what are they going to think about their mom?
Am I too old, et cetera.
And then I went, I went to sunny Spain with my daughter and we just had a fabulous
time together, you know, the friendship, joy, laughter, and it was like woman to
woman, it wasn't just mom, daughter.
It was just doing things that we didn't normally do.
And it was invaluable because in fact, it was that open door that I needed to be
able to say, well, you know what?
It's time for mom to move on.
It's time for, I would really, I am ready now to meet somebody.
I would really like to do that.
And I'm, I'm working on it to do it, you know, doing it the right way, God's way.
Um, and I'm so thankful for this, for this super natural Saturday that I
listened to when I got back, we got back from holiday last night or
vacation, as you say in the States.
I love it when you, when y'all call it holiday.
I love it.
It's holiday time.
So I love it.
And I, I read your, your post and that it was.
Yeah. And that's the cool thing. Like, yeah, I can't tell you how many times those supernatural
Saturdays will be so timely. Like I hadn't, I didn't even realize what supernatural Saturday
was about. And I was even starting to kind of go back down, like this reminisce, like old
friendships and starting to feel really sad and upset that I kind of lost contact with some of my
old college friends and felt left out. And then I learned that, you know, supernatural Saturday was
about learning friendships are sometimes for certain seasons and certain things like that.
And I remember being like, wow, how timely, like I was just sitting here about to sulk in the fact
that, you know, some of those relationships are no longer. And I'm like, but that's not,
it's okay. It's okay. Like those friends, ladies and friendships don't have to even be like these
ending, like bad endings, great beginnings. Or like you said, like, you know, now you get to
morph into this friendship with your daughter in a whole new, different way. Yeah. Especially when,
when we have children and they're young and we care for them. We, I mean, I have to do that with
my kids. Like I'm not here to be your best friend. I'm here to be your mom. I'm here to be tough on
you. You know, I'm here to discipline you. I'm here to, you know, do a lot of things for you.
We can have the best friend relationship when you're an adult and you're grown and you're
responsible for yourself. Like I'll still be mother, but I can be more of your best friend.
And so that transition from, you know, when your kids become adults.
I didn't expect, you know, the best friend, you know, situation, but just the fact that we went
into that friend zone and I treated her as the adult that she is. And she saw me as a much younger
mom than I think she thought maybe because she knows I'm very active, but I did all the things
with her. I even went to a nightclub. It was like, I'm doing this for my daughter.
And ladies, it's just what it's all about. It's about enjoying life.
Yeah. But it, what it, what it showed me and what it taught me was that
what I went through with my daughter, I've also got to be prepared and willing to go through
in my dating, in the dating scene, however challenging it is because I really feel for
these other lovely ladies who have shared, who, who are saying how difficult it is for them.
I don't like this online dating business. I don't like it. One iota really. I don't,
I'm doing it because I feel forced to, but then you've just said, don't do it. If your heart's
not in it. There's other ways to meet people, especially when, you know, you know, when you
do different things in life that you enjoy and you have the opportunity to meet different people.
But going back to the core of what I was saying, that what I learned with my daughter is that I
can now take it into the dating scene. I can actually learn to let go and have fun doing
things that I don't normally do that I wouldn't normally do as long as they're good and wholesome.
And, you know, obviously, but just, it just widened my horizon just a little bit more.
And it was, I just found it so therapeutic and so helpful. And it was just so timely,
you know, the holiday, then I come home, then I listened to Supernatural Saturday.
Then just a little while ago, before going on here, I was listening to the Sunday Night Prophetic
and it was like, wow, it was just one thing after another. And I'm so, so, so thankful to God. And
you know, I just, and I'm thankful for the community because we've all got different
stories to share. We've all got different lives, but, you know, we've all got a heart that God
wants to heal, wants to, God wants to make whole and that God wants to make, see joyful. So I'm
thankful because I just, I don't feel alone. I'm not alone. I felt alone and isolated before,
but I'm not. And I'm thankful for the people that I have met on here, in particular,
Mary Scott, who lives in Scotland. She's not here tonight. She's having a hard time. So
please let's just lift her up in prayer. She's, you know, really having a difficult time. And
I think she's a wonderful, wonderful woman. And I'm so blessed, so blessed to be in Clinton.
I'm so blessed that you two have found each other too. Like that is really encouraging.
Ladies, let this be such a testimony of just all the fruit that can come from this community. I
know a lot of times we come in here because we're wanting the husband. You're going to get so much
more. And ladies, if you really allow yourself to just allow the Lord to come and work in your heart,
he's going to bless you abundantly with this community. Okay. And it's why we always like,
we encourage you ladies, like don't rush through the process. Don't rush through to get to the
all community where
You know, you think the men are like, I know we do have women that do that.
Okay. And we, and we're aware of it.
We're aware of the women that are only here because they want,
they want access to the men.
But I will tell you the fruit that can come from this community when you really
allow Holy Spirit to come in and really like the fruit is here.
I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be coaching if it wasn't. Yeah. I,
I have the husband now I was in this community very beginning.
I was been in here for five years and I'm telling you,
I believe in what we do here, not just for the husbands,
but for so much more.
Like it's humbling to me to be able to still be part of this community.
I am so blessed to be able to speak wisdom over you and help you ladies,
you know,
with your heart work and help you ladies with your dating situations.
Um, because there is so much goodness here. There really, really is.
So Christine, thank you so much for sharing that testimony with us.
I'm so blessed by you. Thank you. All right.
I got Marley and then Karen. How are you Marley? Things are going good for you.
I see. I'm sorry. Things are going well for you. I keep,
I see you posting and yes, yes. I, I, uh,
I'm out there. Let's say, yeah. Um, so I,
I just wanted to say after the last, um, post that I made,
I adjusted my, my, uh,
settings on the app so that I would not see as many, uh, um,
agnostics and, and at the, yes, um, men,
um, the, um,
I think the fact that I've gone on a few dates have,
has also helped me interact with men,
um, in my daily life. I don't have problems approaching people,
uh, men or women and engaging in conversation.
But when I had an inkling that a
man may be interested,
then I would be all tied in knots and now I would avoid them or I would make
sure. I, I, I, but I,
I find that this is going away a little. Um,
and my question is, um, I've,
I've told a few friends about, uh,
LYS and I've told them about the apps that I have been using.
So I've started with, uh, Hinge and, and Salt.
Salt is not too popular in Canada yet. So there's not many, uh,
um, profiles on, on the site. Uh, but Hinge has been,
has been more active.
And so one of the friends that I had shared with, um,
also lives in my surroundings, um, matched with a guy.
And, uh,
and they were supposed to go on a first date and
he just ghosted her and matched her.
And so she was a little upset about that,
but he just sent me a like.
So obviously he knows nothing about all this and that she
showed me and that she told me the story and I'm not interested in him, um,
or even in responding to the like, probably because of the way he behaved.
Um, but my question is if I were interested,
um, what, what do we do in cases like that? When,
and I'm,
obviously this guy you're, you're not interested in, but you're saying like,
if, how, how do we navigate when we're in community,
even in here, okay.
In here or even our friends that are single and may happen to be
interacting with someone that maybe we have once gone on a date with or
something, or this is a good question. Um, and,
and what I can basically coach on and,
and encourage you ladies to practice
pressing in with the, the mindset that
if you are on a date with somebody or you're interacting with somebody and you
know that they're not their spirit mate,
do you want them to be connected with their spirit mate? I'm sorry.
You're on a date with somebody and they're not your person. Okay.
Let's just say they're not your spirit mate.
Do you want to bless them so that they can go find their spirit mate?
Yeah, of course.
So would it be awesome if it was a friend that you knew
that you love and be like, wow, that's,
that's awesome that they found each other.
And it's, it's having the perspective as if they're not for me, it's.
Okay, doesn't mean that it's not for somebody else.
So ladies, when we have this thought process
where there's maybe jealousy, okay,
I think that's kind of what you're getting to,
not saying that you're jealous,
but what happens if you have a friend that's jealous
and you're not sure, like you're interested in somebody
and that didn't work out for them.
Well, I would hope that your friend loves and cares
about you enough that wants you to find your spirit mate.
And if it's not their person and it's yours,
they would wanna bless that, does that make sense?
And where that can come from, ladies,
is that scarcity mindset, is that there's not enough
out there and that's simply a lie from the enemy.
So in this case, who do you even tell?
Like, I didn't tell my friend.
I mean, you could, I mean.
I wouldn't, if you hadn't gotten to know the person,
like if you were interested in getting to know him
and you thought he was an interesting person,
can you hear me?
Yes, now, yes.
If you were getting to know him
and you thought he was an interesting person,
you could just get to know him.
I don't think you would need to tell him like,
hey, I think you had reached out to one of my friends.
Oh no, I meant to her, to my friend.
Would you?
I mean, you could, and you could just say,
hey, I think this guy also liked me.
Do you have any pointers?
You know, as long as you're not, I mean, if she's got a,
if she's bitter about it,
then you're not gonna get a very good understanding
of whether or not he's a good guy or not
until you actually get to know him yourself.
All right.
And maybe he is a not so great guy.
Okay, so you kind of got an idea,
like, okay, there's a yellow flag there.
You can be on the lookout for it and see.
But again, I mean, not everyone's going to be for you
and not everyone's gonna be for somebody else.
And so it's really about just giving people
the honor and respect just to get to know them
as who they are and who they present themselves, right?
And so I think again, like, if it happens,
it's just keeping the mindset of, you know,
or maybe it happens to you.
Maybe there was someone that you were interested in
and that person said, nope, I'm not interested.
And then now they go and like, when you're friends,
like, we got to check our heart
and what belief are we believing
about someone that's not for us
or someone that's for somebody else?
Does that make sense?
Yeah, because I think that if,
because I try to stick to the principle,
it's a yes until it's a no.
So to at least, if it had not been for the fact
that he had done that to her, I probably would have,
not that I feel any sparks or anything,
but I would have at least have responded
and started chatting and maybe gotten
to meet him virtually or in person.
But because he behaved in that fashion,
I thought, I don't want to interact
with somebody like that, yeah.
No, and I think that's fine too.
I mean, that's why, I mean, again,
us girls are going to chat with each other.
Like, I mean, I had that happen with a guy I dated
on the apps and it turns out like years later,
one of the girls I worked with, she started dating him
and we were talking and I'm like, wait,
is his name so-and-so?
And she's like, yeah.
And I'm like, girl, that's the guy that I dated.
And I'm like, and remember,
that was the guy that came into my work.
I said, and I, and she's like, oh, it was.
And so, I mean, we had a good laugh about it, you know?
And I said, look, the guy is a nice guy.
I said, he just wasn't for me.
I mean, there was some things that he did
that I was like, that didn't seem very healthy
and she knew about it, but I'm like, no hard feelings.
Like, you know, good for him.
He's still getting out there, I guess, you know?
And she was, and she's a grown adult.
She can make her own choices as well, you know?
And I oftentimes told her about this program,
this community, and she didn't take the offer.
I was like, I thought it was gonna be very helpful for her.
She had a lot of, you know,
bad, unhealthy behaviors herself
with how she was approaching dating.
But, you know, I loved her where she was at
and always offered, you know, this community
and this program and, you know,
and I let that be her choice.
But I still supported her
and I still had a good laugh with her and, you know,
whatever, to each their own, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.
All right, Karen, you're my last one.
How are you?
I saw that you kind of had the same situation.
Let me tell you at all I can say is that.
It is no, it is so serious that we are so
God defended here and I'm just so thankful I'm going
to catch up with Lane and share my experience with her
a little bit later, but just so thankful.
So I've got two really quick questions.
I want to say, though, that I am with everybody.
I came back from being from just exhausted from a
week of ministering last last week and I was so
discouraged with online.
I was ready to pull myself out of every single app
and just hide under the covers and put the pillow
on my head and just say I can't anymore.
The one thing that is keeping me online honestly is
the fact that people with the different men are
highlighting different parts of my personality.
And so because I'm such a people pleaser, what I'm
finding is that I'm showing up more authentically as
who I am and not being fearful of showing my quirks
and my crazy.
But I'm recognizing my quirkiness and just being OK
with and being OK with it and recognizing that whoever
God has for me, it's going to be OK with those
things as well.
So my first question is, there's a gentleman who
actually Facebook matched me with him.
And usually when Facebook matches me with somebody,
it's kind of like, OK, next, next, next.
But this guy, this guy is really interesting.
And so I want to get to know him better.
We spent about two or three days on the app.
So my first question is how to convert.
That into a call.
And I know I've heard it a gazillion times, but it
just is never it's not sticking.
And then the second thing is he's been so very
transparent.
It's been one of the things I've been so thankful for.
I work in a church.
I'm a children's ministry director, and I have had
things happen both ways where I've told somebody my
position and they all of a sudden are very, very
interested in meeting me, especially Christian.
And they're like, oh, you know, they were never
interested in going out with me.
And then I say, yeah, I'm a children's ministry director
at church.
And they're like, oh, really?
Let's have coffee.
Or I've also had the ghosting, you know, Christians.
I'm like, I'm a children's ministry director.
And they kind of go, they exit stage left, never to
be heard from again.
And so I want to know the best way to share that
information, because honestly, Jesus is my job,
and I have a heart.
I want people to know me apart from, you know, my
position and my job.
I love my job.
But and I get it.
It's very intimidating.
I work from I work 50 feet from three pastors.
I get it.
It's intimidating.
And so, you know, and I'm in meetings with them all
week long.
So I get it.
It's intimidating.
I just kind of want to know the best way to share
that information.
I think you can just, you know, if you have a
I think you can just, you know, when they act like
I mean, if he's being transparent with you about
like what his job is, I mean, just say I work in
ministry.
Like, can you just say that like I work in ministry
and, you know, it's.
You know, and here's the thing with this guy, I
wonder if you can say, you know, I work in ministry.
I would be open to sharing a little bit more about
it.
However, my experience with sharing what I do has
often led to these two circumstances.
So I'm a I apologize.
I'm a little guarded about sharing in more detail
because of the experiences I've had.
So would it be OK with you if I waited a little
bit to share that with you?
Or if he's like, oh, my goodness, absolutely, you
know, lead it to that.
Be very like you can be honest about I work in
ministry.
I'm hesitant to share about what I do because of
what I've experienced.
Ladies, being honest is being kind.
Being, you know, and letting someone know why you
might not feel comfortable with something that is
that allows them to respect your boundary.
OK, and then as you get to know him, you start to
understand.
You start to understand.
OK, and then as you get to know him and you
feel more comfortable to let him in and you could
say, you know, this has happened with guys that
I've been interested in getting to know more.
So when I share it and then they.
Kind of leave, it's it's just hard on my heart
or, you know, guys never being interested in
what I'm doing.
before but then as soon as I told them then they were interested in me and then
So I'm kind of like, OK, I'm going to let him
I didn't feel like they were really wanting to know me for who I am not what
I do so just being able to communicate that okay good and ladies I get the
discouragement I this I feel like is is constantly being brought up and I want I
want to again just emphasize I've been where you're at
ladies I've been where you're at with the discouragement especially online
dating the one thing that I can share wisdom about and and encourage you
ladies to do when you feel the discouragement let us know come in the
app let us know all right because it's it sounds like it's affecting a lot of
you ladies right now and we can't pray into it we can't help you know pour into
you if we don't know what's happening and it's not by circumstance that y'all
are feeling this discouragement okay it is so important to be to practice the
vulnerability and transparency in our community and let us know what's
happening where are you feeling discouraged ladies I share this because
I was extremely discouraged in this community so much so I mean I was
putting it out there and I like I was ready to throw in the towel I was done I
was done with dating and Jackie knew I was about to be done with dating so I
was like I'm done I can't do this I'm a single mom and I'm failing as a mom and
I don't feel like I'm being present with my kid and I'm like I'm constantly
getting disappointed I know I'm I've done a lot of healing I know I'm a great
catch but none of these guys will even look my way and I'm getting angry and
I'm getting ticked off I mean like y'all like Jackie could sit and just tell you
stories about me okay and she reached out to me and she's like I know you're
discouraged but I I believe that you you can still meet your husband this year
she's like you're not getting married this year because I was so certain in
2022 I was getting married y'all beginning of November there was no
prospects in sight and she's calling me okay now this is when we were a much
smaller community so she can't she can't reach out to everybody this way okay but
she was like look you're the bride like God showed me you're the bride show me
that you're next he's shown me and I know you're discouraged but just borrow
my faith and she's like you're not getting married this year but you can
meet your husband by the end of this year and I'm sitting here thinking it is
the beginning of November we got two months I got a kid that's in sports and
holidays are about to be around the corner I am NOT going to do this and
she's like be open just be open to it she's like it'd be open to dating
somebody that doesn't live near you I'm like whatever at this point I gotta give
it to God y'all a week later after that conversation with Jackie literally seven
days my husband dropped into my DMS he reached out to me I thought he lived in
Florida and I was like okay I'll give this guy an opportunity I wasn't sure I
mean his profile read really really well I was very interested by it he was a
decent-looking guy was I like super attracted to him no and I gave it a shot
and so when I reached out to him when we started talking realized that he lived
in Texas and I was like well I talked to my mentor and I have to be open to this
and ladies like three weeks later I met him in person and the rest was history
like there was just something different and God really gave a lot of
confirmation and you know we were talking about you know marriage within
those you know several weeks of getting to know each other and you know it was
accelerated I don't tell this story often because I don't want people to you
know accelerate something that God's not accelerating okay because that can be
dangerous to getting into a serious relationship as quickly as we did but it
was not without me pouring into this community and and sharing with Jackie
and sharing with my sisters in this community about what was happening so
all that to say is share your discouragement let us know what's going
on we're here to support you we're here to lift you up okay and just know that
one day you can be discouraged and a week later or two you're it it can
change
right? God can do some pretty incredible things and we just have to be willing to
supernaturally surrender the pen, okay? And we can do that more effectively when we're leaning
on each other, okay? So ladies, we're about 15 minutes over so I'm going to let you,
I'm going to release you ladies and bless you, okay? I want you to feel encouraged this week,
reach out, make connections with each other in this community. It is going to be
such a big blessing for you to connect with these women. And so we just, we thank you for
showing up and being here. We couldn't do this if you all were not vulnerable enough to be here.
So keep showing up, keep pressing forward and don't isolate when you're feeling discouraged.
Let us know, okay? We're here to support you. All right ladies, I love you so much and if you can
jump on Ebony's call tonight, please do. If not, I will see you all next week and I will see you
in the app, okay? Love you ladies. Have a great day. Thank you.