Yeah, I'm so excited to see y'all get updates, to see what's been happening, for y'all to
tell me to T. All these guys y'all are meeting, cutting out and meeting some more, dropping
some and picking up some more.
It's always exciting to me, but I'm sure for y'all it's like, oh, another one didn't work
out.
But I'm like, who's-
With the screen.
Do you know what a screen is?
It's the things that keep the mosquito out.
Oh.
Window.
Let me hear.
You want that?
Yeah.
Did that help?
Right there?
All right.
So anyway, I hope y'all have been having a good week and counting out joy that you get
to cut out and pick up, pick up and cut out again.
Don't be too disappointed.
It's a cycle.
It happens.
God is writing your love story.
It may not feel like it, may not look like it, but he is.
But the first story he starts with is you.
He will not bypass you for the story of your lifetime.
He will start with you.
So counting not strange, right?
Like Paul, James said, it's not a strange thing.
He starts with you and he works his way out.
All right.
So who is, tonight is your first time joining us?
This is you are your first time in phase two.
Oh, nobody.
Well, welcome.
You, Elizabeth.
I thought you looked new.
Nice to meet you, Elizabeth.
I am Ebony Jones.
I will always, usually, unless I feel in for Carla, I am the coach at 8 p.m.
Is Yvonna, is that how you say your name?
The one on the treadmill?
It's your first time with us tonight?
Okay.
Yay.
So I live in Texas, Austin, Texas.
I am a third grade reading and English teacher.
I am out for the summer and so I am filled with energy and so happy.
Nice to meet you also.
It's when summertime come when you realize why I teach as a teacher.
But then when I think about August, I keep thinking, I need another job.
But yeah, and so I have, I was also a part of this program, maybe about three years ago
now.
And so I got to go through the same process that you all get to go through, except for
having another coach, Jackie was my coach.
And so, but when you guys get to phase three, you get to see her a whole lot more.
You're in Texas too.
Okay, Yvonna, what part of Texas are you in?
I'm in Cibolo, so it's kind of near New Braunfels and San Antonio.
Okay.
All right.
I'm in Austin.
Oh, you used to work for a company in Austin.
Sarah, where are you?
I'm in Gulf, I'm in Gulfport, Mississippi now, but it was a remote job.
So I'm from Mississippi, from Lexington, Mississippi.
Where is that?
Because I'm originally from Virginia.
I'm not even from here.
Okay.
It's past Jackson, Mississippi, more North of the state, headed toward Memphis, Tennessee
or-
Okay.
Yeah.
Somewhere up there.
That's cool.
It's a restaurant in Gulfport that I really liked to go to two years ago.
This guy that I was dating, he drove me down there from Texas just to go to that restaurant.
It's like an Italian restaurant, kind of, sort of, sort of.
Was it on the beach?
Yeah.
Like salute, or it starts with an S?
Salutes.
Yeah.
I've never been there, but I've seen it.
Oh, it's so good.
You must go.
Their food is so good.
Well, you gave me a good excuse to go, so.
You should go.
Yes.
Anyway, Daniela, is this your first time with us?
This is my second time, but the first time I wasn't on video.
Oh, okay.
Because it's like your name looks a little familiar, but I see names all the time.
So I get a little, yeah.
Where are you from?
I'm from Florida, South Florida.
Oh, Florida's nice.
Okay.
Well, so nice to meet you ladies.
Be sure to grab you one video a week, and learn from it, and get you little aha moments.
All of the teachings are so good, they're so amazing, and they're transformative always.
We want, we're excited to do this journey with you.
You don't have to have had dates to come into the coaching session.
It's all about you, and it's about nobody else, and if you're dating, it's about you
and your date.
If you're not dating, if you had a problem, just you, school, work, a person, whatever.
You coming out of the hard work, and now it's time for all the things that you've learned
to be tested, so you can grow in those muscles, to grow in your healing.
And so,
It's going to come every which way.
But no way hits you like when you're dating a guy.
It triggers something totally different in you.
Because the closer a person gets to your heart,
the more vulnerable you are, the more you're triggered.
And then things come up.
And that's why dating is so good for you.
It's so much fun.
It's so good for you, because you
get to see yourself in a way you're not
going to see yourself when you interact
with your sister, or your mother, or your father,
or your brother, or somebody at work.
Dating triggers a whole different person.
And you act strange.
And you don't know why.
You can't figure out, why am I responding this way?
You respond this way because you respond
to those type of relationships a lot differently.
And so the goal is, ladies, this is to everybody,
is to grow in the muscles that you
need the most for the thing that you desire.
You're in this program because you desire a husband.
And dating, practicing with someone
that you would consider, or to grow with into a spouse,
triggers those areas so that you can grow in your capacity.
So that when you do get your marriage, or your husband,
you can stay married.
Or you can have a peaceful marriage.
So you can say, we've been married 30 years,
and it's been a good marriage.
Or you can be 30 years and be miserable and bitter.
The years don't determine the quality, OK?
And so we're here to stretch your capacity for the love
story that God is writing.
Because truly, nobody can write it like he can.
Even when we think a person has checked all the boxes,
the Lord knows if they have the capacity
to be a sharpening agent for us to be the very best
version of ourselves that God has called us to be.
Because he is the designer of marriage.
And he created marriage to make you more holy
than he created to make you happy.
It is his tool, one of his maturity plans.
It is the thing that looks most like what
he has designed between us and him.
And so marriage is designed to make you more holy than happy.
And you need to be equipped for that to happen.
Or you're going to get married, and you're
going to say, I didn't sign up for this.
Because you refuse to no longer be selfish.
You're going to have to come out of being selfish.
Marriage is a selfless thing, not a selfish thing.
And so we get stripped of ourself.
I'm not trying to preach to you, but I just
want to drive home to you why this is one of the best
stages that you will ever be in.
And I want you to jump out there and date so that we can scratch
up all that stuff and get you ready.
All right, so watch one video a week.
Take notes.
Learn and grow.
Create your profiles.
Online dating.
If you've done it before, you may say, oh, it sucks.
I don't want to do it again.
But it won't be the same way this time.
You pick out, go to the gym.
Go to places where there are single men.
Smile when you go into the grocery store.
Wherever you go, smile and make eye contact.
Yes, you make eye contact and look at that man
like you want him to ask for your number because you do.
You do.
So hold them eyes right in place.
Smile long enough for him to know I am available.
If you brave enough, come.
Welcome.
I welcome all contenders until you're no longer welcome.
Yes, you welcome them.
All right, so the first place we can do
start is smile, and don't smile, and turn your head
as quick as you can.
Think to yourself, don't say nothing, don't say nothing,
don't say nothing, don't say nothing.
No, no, no, no.
In every man you meet, it's not your husband.
Most of all of them that you meet are not your husband
because it only takes one person to be your husband.
And so I want you to think this way.
I am meeting someone to get to know them.
That's it.
It takes the pressure off, all right?
Another housekeeping, you guys, don't post things
from outside sources.
If you want to post something, share it with admin
so they can vet it out for you before we get it posted.
That way we can keep everyone in the community safe.
When you are, ideally you stay in this phase
for about five weeks at a minimum.
You want to come to the coaching sessions.
You want to watch your videos.
You get a minimum of five weeks and you participate it
and you want to go to phase three.
We are not gatekeeping you and holding you here.
You can just send an email to admin at Jackie.com.
Is it, that's what it is, yeah.
Send to admin at JackieDorman.com.
Ask them, just say on your email,
hey, may I be, can you transition me to phase three?
Or I forgot the new name of it.
I want to be transitioned over to phase three.
But you don't have to be in a hurry.
You can stay here with me a little while longer.
This is a wonderful phase.
It's a smaller group.
And because it's a smaller group,
that means you will get a little bit more, you know,
of this when you get into the next phase.
It's amazing.
I want you to go over there.
It's fun and it's exciting.
It has so many wonderful things there for you,
but it is a much larger pool.
And so it's a lot more going on, but it's fun.
So I think you'll like it all.
It's a wonderful program.
Jackie has done an amazing job with this program.
Let's see what else I wanna say.
That's all I wanna say.
How did you guys do last week?
Did anyone shift from receiving
to what were the modes we talked about?
Shift from expectation to receiving
or anybody who was sitting dormant,
waiting on an Amazon package to come to your door
in the form of a man of your dreams
to doing something different,
like getting to an acting or moving or doing something mode.
Did we switch any kind of modes last week?
For anyone, this is your first time.
We had a activation every week that we do
or every two weeks.
And so this was one of them,
switching the mode that we're in.
Most of us agreed that we were waiting
for Amazon package man.
And because we were in the waiting mode,
we decided to move into a different mode,
maybe like a partnership mode, right?
Nobody, no hands, cool.
Next thing, that's cause I'm excited to coach y'all tonight
and I'm excited to say what I have to say
so you can have more time to say what you need to say.
Where's the tracking number?
Exactly, Lauren, we need the tracking number.
All right, and ladies, I'm gonna tell you something.
All of you guys may know someone
and it's gonna sound like if I knew someone,
I'll be with them.
That's not true.
You may know somebody who's not a best fit for you,
but they may be a best fit
for some of the ladies in this group.
How about you?
Tell us about them, sign them up,
tell them to sign up for the program.
And if you do tell somebody to sign up for the program,
I want you guys to remember that you get $75
for everybody that you refer.
So you need to give them the referral code
before you let them sign up, okay?
And you just go to our resources tab
and that information will be under there for you.
Let's talk about things from Supernatural.
Oh, this is one thing I wanna do.
Someone said this in the community
that they need to make communities, they need friends.
You guys feel free to post up your information in the chat
and you ladies get to know each other, okay?
You can always do that.
Find out who's in your area.
Yeah, you could go ahead and raise your hand, Sarah.
I'll write your name down.
If you caught Supernatural Saturday,
you know what Jackie talked about.
If you didn't, we're gonna talk about it right now
because I made some notes
that I think are gonna be really good for you ladies.
So tell me this, who...
Oh, that was you for the friend chat, okay.
Who has a 3 a.m. friend?
You know what a 3 a.m. friend?
3 a.m. friend is a friend that you can call for anything
and wake them up because you need them, it's an emergency.
Do we all have 3 a.m. friends?
Okay, if we don't have 3 a.m. friends,
why don't we have 3 a.m. friends
and I want you to get your 3 a.m. friend.
Yes, yes, I see hands coming up.
Okay, everybody needs a 3 a.m. friend.
If you don't have one, a 3 a.m. friend,
how many of you guys want a 3 a.m. friend?
If you don't, you want one, yeah.
I've always wanted to be somebody's 3 a.m. friend
and so what I did was I created,
I led a singles ministry at my church
and the first thing I did was made sure
that they exchanged, they exchanged
and started getting to know each other outside of the group
so that when they need their medication,
somebody go get their medication for them.
You know, it's not worth it living, in my opinion,
living an isolated, lonely life.
It's not fun and it's worth the disappointment for me.
I am a seeker of all things gold, G-O-L-D,
and so I often dig out the gold
in the people that I'm around
because I believe that it's goodness in everyone
and so I seek all things good
and I actually pursue friendships
and if I find somebody around me that has some gold
that I want, I pursue them and I openly pursue them.
I tell them that I'm pursuing them by saying,
hey, you seem like a great person.
I really wanna get to know you.
When can we schedule a coffee date?
I do it all the time and I don't waste any time doing it
because I see good and I'm like, I want that in my life
and then when they, if I really want them
and they say they're gonna come down,
sure, but I keep on doing it for a little while
because I don't really care
and I figure once they find out how amazing I am,
they're gonna wanna stick around anyway
and so I pursue people.
If you don't have friends,
I wanna encourage you to start pursuing people
in friendship, okay?
I want you to pursue people in friendship.
So, this ties into what we're talking about.
I like how you're putting your contact information
in the chat, ladies.
This is what we're gonna talk about just for,
it's almost, oh, I wanna stick it to five minutes.
All right, so this is what I want you guys to post
in the chat.
You can take it out for your speaker and unmute yourself
and say it.
What excites you most about being married?
Is it someone to seek the Lord with,
someone to read your Bible with?
Is it someone to have deep connection and friendship with?
Is it emotional, physical intimacy?
Is it someone to share the likes of downs with?
Is it financial support?
Is it someone you can have all your own?
What excites you most about marriage?
Emotional intimacy, Liz, okay?
Yeah, I think having somebody to share life
and do all of the mundane and in and out,
be with each other through everything together.
Yeah, okay.
Having a teammate in life to accomplish things together.
All right.
All of the above, okay.
Partnership.
And if your hand is up for this,
and I don't know, cause it's just hands up,
you can just unmute and go for it.
Being able to grow in holiness, love and be loved.
Yes, to receive in the feminine,
so well to love him well.
Good, that was worded so well.
Being able to grow in holiness.
Are you as ready, honey?
Oh, wee!
Building kingdom with partnership.
Yes, someone emotional, someone emotional.
Sheila, I want you to raise your hand today
because I need to know who you dating.
We need an update.
Being able to do all fun things together
and serving the Lord together.
Someone to seek the Lord with and do ministry.
Yes, emotional, physical intimacy,
have an apartment to grow in purpose with,
doing life together, companionship, growing together.
Yes.
Yes, all of these are wonderful things
and these are all healthy things.
I think they're amazing things.
Now, out of the things that you listed,
let's narrow down those things that you can do
without a husband.
Or out of the list, let me read,
let me question it differently.
What is something you,
what is something out of the things you listed?
What is the thing that you can do
that doesn't require a husband?
Out of those things you listed?
Does that make sense when I'm asking?
So naturally, physical intimacy.
You need a husband to do that with, right?
But out of all the other things we have listed here,
do you need a husband to do them with?
I know you wanna do them with a man.
Don't think that way.
I want you to think the way I'm asking you to think.
What can you do that doesn't require a husband?
You can do a lot of things without a husband,
but it's not as much fun.
It's sometimes you need four hands
rather than just two hands.
So you don't need a husband?
Yeah, and sometimes you just want a conversation
rather than just talking to yourself all day long.
So yeah, I can be totally independent,
and that's been most of my life is independent.
I don't wanna be independent.
Okay.
Well, okay, Juanita, thank you for sharing,
but that's not technically my question or where I'm going.
I don't want you ladies to feel like I'm asking you
to defend why you want a husband.
What I really do want is the things that you listed,
what are those things that don't require a husband?
I'm not putting some responsibility back on you
like you can do it on your own.
That's not the point of this session.
What are the things that we listed
that just they require a husband
and everything else that doesn't require?
So we know physical intimacy.
Yep, we can still grow, seek the Lord with others.
It doesn't have to be our husband.
We can definitely accomplish things
with friends and community.
You can do life and be fulfilled without a husband.
That's true.
You can serve the Lord without a husband.
You can do fun things with other people too.
So there's not many things.
This is what I'm getting at.
So y'all won't feel scared and shaking.
We want you to have a husband.
This is not that group.
You can do all of these things that you listed
except physical intimacy.
You can do everything else without a husband.
And so on Saturday, Jackie talked about us believing
that marriage will cure our loneliness.
We believe that if we just get married,
a lot of times we were relegated.
All these things that we want to when I get married, you ever heard somebody say I'm gonna buy a house when I get married
I'm gonna do this when I get married
Everything is when I get married
But God did not create marriage to cure our loneliness
Nor that he create marriage to be our end-all be-all
But he created community for loneliness. The Bible says that he puts the lonely in family
Don't mean family don't mean a husband and children family means community people around you and so the whole point of this was
Whatever the order of those things that you're desiring in marriage marriage doesn't fix it
You know a lot of times we believe that if I get a husband I have somebody to seek the Lord with what if he?
Don't want to seek the Lord with you
What if he don't want to pray with you? Is it a rule in your house that he got to pray with you?
This is a righteous man. He's a righteous man
This is a righteous man. He don't need you to pray with him
It would be nice, but you don't have to
Do you know how many times do you get married so some things are fantasies
We create a fantasy about what marriage is gonna be like we're gonna wake up every morning
We're gonna read our devotional together. What if you don't want to read his devotional with you?
What if you don't want to read your devotional with him?
What if the Lord calls you to pray at 3 a.m. And you go lay on your face and seek him?
Because you have your own relationship with the Lord you have your own intimacy with your father
Right, what what if he has a different schedule and he seeks the Lord differently
What if he likes to seek the Lord when he gets in his car and go to work in the morning?
And what if he doesn't read, you know want to sit down and read the Bible with you
He liked to study it back on his own time
What are you gonna do when he says I want to be my own person not the person that you fantasize about while you were waiting
for a husband and
You're gonna be sitting there because you put every expectation or hope that you had into this man when he comes
This is not the story for everybody
Some of them have has very active life
But we do want to be mindful about what we're waiting on this man to come and fulfilling us and then we have these
Expectations and things he never told us he would do so I've been married before
And I'm divorced and I should tell my ex-husband you supposed to he said who told you that I?
Like what you supposed to do this cuz you this you supposed to oh, babe
I had a whole list of everything he was supposed to do cuz he was my husband
He was supposed to do it one day. He turned around to me while he's taking out the dress
He said who told you that and I said who told me what?
Who told you that I'm supposed to do that I said don't I have to tell me what you're supposed to do
I know what you're supposed to do because you're a man
But the truth is I had all these expectations that I had laid up for this man
I have been dreaming about it for years with my husband gonna be like
Do you know how hurt I was when I found out he didn't want to drive me everywhere
Do you know how hurt I was when I found out he didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with my family and we was gonna do
Christmas with his family
Do you know I heard I wasn't he didn't want to read devotionals with me. I
Had had these expectations for years of my husband
How we will sit at the table and eat dinner together
All of the things I had planned and to find out he was his own person
How dare he be an individual
So what I'm saying to us tonight and just kind of you know
Reiterate some of the things that Jackie said you guys we have to build community
Even when you get married you have to be a community you need community
You need someone's ideas this idea that we're gonna bring all these ideas that bubble up and those from the Lord share with our husband
He's gonna be our best friend. He should be your friend
But they believe that he's gonna always want to listen to everything you have to share
everything that you have to say you're not gonna want to always listen to everything that he has to share and everything that he
Wants to say but you do have friends that you can call
That
You will build a community before you say I do and
You have to build a community after you find out he relaying into you like this
Like into you like he wants to do everything you want to do when you want to do it how you want to do it
And so the encouragement is to build your own community
One of the things we found out is and I don't want this to be like I'm not trying to just like
Keep talking talking, but a lot of times we get on dates and we say to ourselves what I can't help it
I'm just deep like that
Could it be the truth is that you don't have anybody to share your wisdom with and so every time you get with somebody you
Start spilling everything that you know, and you put it on that you're deep. You're not that deep
You need community so that you can give your wisdom to people who you
you know, value your wisdom.
The Bible says that we don't spill our pearl before swine,
that they may trample over it.
And when you have community,
you have people that you can share with
that value what you carry.
They honor you for the goodness on the inside of you
and they seek it out.
Did you know just because you get married
doesn't mean your husband wants the wisdom that you carry
until you've proven to him that you do carry wisdom,
that you are honorable and integrous in all your ways,
that when you get angry,
you don't blow up and go off on him
and then turn around and then try to be kind and nice.
Like men like to watch and observe
and then they seek you out for your wisdom.
They don't want your wisdom
just because everybody at your church wants your wisdom.
Everybody says that, oh, you just, ah, you're so amazing.
And you hear from the Lord and you prophesied
all these wonderful things and accolades
that you've gotten all of your life before you met him.
It doesn't mean that he knows that woman yet.
And so that's why we learn to build relationships
in a healthy way.
And we don't spill all our pearl before swine.
We don't sit down at the table with a stranger
and say everything we know.
And then, you know, wonder why we're, you know,
we don't connect that way or, you know,
all of these different things.
So all I'm saying is that we need community
and now's the time to start building community
because that's why God gave us community and people.
And if you have a hard time making friends,
you want to ask the question of yourself,
why do I have a hard time making friends?
If you have a hard time making friends before you say I do,
you're going to expect your husband to be your friend.
And you're going to say, sometimes we think,
I don't need anybody else.
When I get married, I'm going to have my husband
and we're going to have our children.
I'm going to have my family.
What are you going to do when your children want friends
and they don't want to be your friend no more?
They tired of being your friend.
I'm serious.
Like people have their own autonomy.
Like they want their own life and their own world.
And nothing is going to be different
between you and your husband.
If you get a husband that wants you to be his everything,
it's going to feel a little good at first,
but then they're going to quickly wear out
because you cannot be anybody's everything.
And if a person wants you to be their everything,
that means they are in a deficit.
They're in a deficit and they want you to meet their need
and feel their need.
And you were not yet suffocating.
You weren't created to do that.
That is Jesus's job.
So that's the whole point of that.
All right.
Any questions, any thoughts about that ladies?
Please ask, please talk.
I want to hear it.
All right.
Now we're open up for coaching.
You can talk about anything you want.
Ask any question that you want.
It doesn't have to be about anything that we talked about.
It could be what you think is completely off topic.
I want you to go for it.
All right.
And tonight I'm going to be on task.
So you guys take a minute to share
and I'll try to take two, three minutes to coach.
If it gets better,
if it's a really a good thing that everybody can learn from,
I may take a little bit more time.
Make sense?
So start with one question.
If you have two,
then we'll come back around for the second one.
Okay.
Your children can't wait to find your spirit mate.
Amen.
Get rid of these parents.
I'm sorry.
Go Sarah.
Okay.
I'm like so excited.
I was like,
I got to raise my hand so I can get an opportunity.
And I'm like over here stuffing my face.
Okay.
I want to process this experience.
So I went,
I met like matched with someone on an app.
Great conversation through the week.
Met him for a first date on Sunday.
And this was the first time in a really long time.
So I was married for 10 years and all of that.
So I've been there and gotten that fun t-shirt.
But anyways,
this is like the first time in a really long,
long time that I actually was genuinely very excited
to meet someone.
Just based off of like our conversations
that we had through the week.
And it went really well.
But I used to really struggle with an anxious attachment.
And I'm like today,
his communication started to shift and kind of change.
And I noticed myself getting all up in my head about it.
And I was aware of it,
but it's so annoying.
And it's so uncomfortable because you're like,
I was literally trying to talk myself off the ledge.
I'm like, Sarah,
you've met the guy once.
Like I'm trying to talk the logical part of my brain
to the emotional part of my brain.
Like, come on.
But it's just, it's still there.
And then you said something a couple of weeks ago
to somebody like about the communication.
If they were kind of like pulling back to maybe,
I don't know, do the same,
but I don't, I just didn't really,
I was very uncomfortable with that.
And yeah.
So.
Yeah.
So what do you mean?
he y'all met when did y'all meet? Sunday. Online? We met like in person. Okay so this is my you met
online and you met them in person on Sunday and y'all went out for? Dinner. Dinner okay and the
dinner date went well? It did. Okay and did you guys talk after dinner? Text? Talk? Yeah well so
we well not really after dinner because it was time to like go to bed we both had to work the
next day but I talked yesterday evening and I asked him like so what are your thoughts like
after having like time to sleep on it and process he's like I thought that was like a really great
date. Okay. And I was like yeah me too like I definitely want to see you again. Okay. So
so I made sure to like make that known but I just saw myself getting kind of in my head today
because you haven't heard from him. No I had but it was really long this is why I told you
girl my anxious like the anxious little monsters are like coming back out again
I know this isn't healthy. It's okay Sarah it's okay this is a part of the journey.
My god bless America like when you said there's certain triggers that come out I was like yep.
So did you reach out to him today and then he responded to you? Or did he reach out to you?
He said good morning first so I responded and usually I mean again we've only been talking
like texting for you know a week but usually I would hear from him at least once which I told him
on our date that his way of communicating is very refreshing because I did I didn't go into
my history of my past relationship but I did come from a very suffocating relationship so I do find
his like style of like not being like up my butt all the time like very refreshing but at the same
time I'm like okay like you could be a little more like right I mean like so I didn't hear
from him all day and I usually would like once like just a little response and then we both go
back to work but I just saw myself getting in my head and then I even went the route of like
looking on bumble because I'm like wonder if he's just like not telling me he's not interested.
When I tell you like all the insecure feelings and thoughts coming up in my head were there
they were and it was very like uncomfortable. I know well I'm glad that you're having this
experience because you get to deal with it by working like to say okay this is uncomfortable
and then tell yourself a different narrative even if you go down the road of figuring something
else out you have to tell yourself a different narrative because there's no way to it's there's
no escaping what's in you but there is a way of changing how you think of what comes up and the
fact that you can recognize that it comes up tells you that you you've made a lot of growth.
See sometimes we think because we feel something it comes up something's wrong with it no it's
coming up so you can deal with it a new way than in the past. I am proud of the growth because like
I said I know I used to be very so it's like at least that awareness is there and I have like tools
but I'm like go away like this is so annoying because I haven't I haven't been this excited
about somebody so that's annoying too you know and I know this is too vulnerable like I know
stop it don't be vulnerable run and no I found myself kind of wanting to be like I'm like okay
so when he he finally answered it like responded at this evening I purposely did not answer right
away right and I gave it a couple hours because I was teaching anyway but then he called and I
didn't answer it right away because I was like no I'm not gonna like you know but then it took
everything in me when I did call him back to like act like I was cool as a cucumber.
So what you can do Sarah I like that he called you um and you know if you guys are I would like
to see you do more probably a little more talking than texting so you can become comfortable with
him meaning text you can give any voice that you want but in the early stages I do want you to
become a little more confident in his intentionality toward you and it may be
really good for you to talk to someone else as well like dating you mean like or like on an app
yeah I was purposely doing that today too because I'm like Sarah you've met the guy once you know
like all that self-talk but and we have we've talked on the phone every day he's not a big
texter he's like oh good good yeah so that's why I'm saying like that's why I was so excited to
meet him because we had like such great conversation yeah before yeah so I will say and I used to be
be anxiously attached as well, a very anxious attachment
person.
I would encourage you, what helped me a lot
was talking to more than one person.
I would talk to three people at a time.
That's not my, this is not a program suggestion.
I'm telling you about me.
I would rotate three men at all times.
The best one will rise to the top.
The other two would fall somewhere in between.
So that means when the best one rose to the top,
then he always got the priority time.
If he wanted to hang out, he got it first.
So I would make the other two wait
to see what the one that rose to the top would do.
And so that's how I would circle them out.
One would fall out, and then I'd pick up another one
and put in his spot.
And then they would get to rise or whatever.
And so everybody didn't get the same amount of time
because I didn't have that kind of time to give out.
But they would get slotted.
I would give time slots to everybody.
It was really organized.
People knew when they could talk to me.
But Sarah, if you can't do three,
I do want you to talk to another person.
It's really gonna help you not be so anxiously attached.
It's really gonna help you a lot.
I am doing that because it was like internal,
like just take your mind off.
Don't be so consumed with someone you've known for a week
and went on one date with.
Yeah, and sometimes it helps to remind yourself
that I don't know this person.
Yes, I love when you said,
tell yourself this is not my husband.
That keeps you so sober-minded more than anything.
This is not your husband.
So that was super helpful.
But I was proud of myself
because when I did get on the phone with him,
I thought, well, I'm not gonna call him
because I'm about to get on this coaching call.
And then I thought, no, I'll call him.
And then I said, well, hey,
it's been really nice talking to you,
but I have a call with some girlfriends.
That's what I was like,
I got a call with some girlfriends.
He goes, oh, okay, you don't wanna talk to me?
I see how it is.
And I wanted to stoop to his level and be like,
oh, okay, you don't wanna text.
Like, I didn't.
I was just like, oh, that's kind of funny.
You know, a little.
I know, that's so cute.
I was like, of course I do.
I'll let you know when I'm done.
And I was proud because codependent me years ago
had been like, no, I'll just skip the call
because he's like, finally, we're talking.
And I was like, no, I'm not doing it.
Like, I'm gonna stay committed to my process
and things that are good for me
just because he now wants to finally have time
to talk on the phone.
Yes, you did good, Sarah.
Way to go.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Marley.
Yes, hi.
First, I just wanted to say that what you said,
what you mentioned about build your own community
is really resonated with me
because it made me see what I was not able to articulate
before I have a family member who lives with me.
And that's the situation.
That person doesn't have community.
So I'm the community.
And at times it's heavy, right?
But it allowed me to see it, to see what it is.
So I have gone on a few dates
and with both men, three times,
three and four times with two men.
And so we've both decided
that we were not going to take it any further.
But for whatever reason,
I haven't been able to unmatch them on the app.
And I find that really weird.
So we have our phone, we have exchanged phone numbers.
So they could reach me if they wanted to,
or if I wanted to reach them,
but I haven't done that on the app.
And I'm not sure why.
And the second thing is,
when I look at the app,
it's the same profiles that keep coming back.
And I guess I was hoping or waiting
for them to like me first and they haven't.
So it's been very, very, very slow
in the past few days, week or weeks.
Yeah.
Well, Molly, what's the business with you
waiting on somebody to like you first?
What's up with that?
I don't know.
It's...
Go on, like the man, honey.
It's just...
Have...
All your guys liked you first
and that's one of your unspoken rules
that they have to like me first?
No, but I think I saw in one of the training
they were saying, oh no, it was only communicate
with people who, in the videos, there was something.
Was it communicate with the guys who communicate with you
or something to that effect.
So I didn't, but it's probably not the video
that made me react that way.
Or what I heard of the video that made me react that way.
Okay, you know, in our community,
we are big contenders for you guys dropping the hanky
and going ahead and putting yourself out there.
There's so much growth to be had
when we put ourself out there.
You know, well, sometimes, and we'll say,
well, I want to, most of you ladies can attest to this.
We've been taught that we are to be pursued.
And that if a man wants you, that he's gonna talk to you,
he's gonna come for you.
And if he doesn't, he may not want you.
That's not true.
And there's a sense of entitlement that comes along
when you think, well, he needs to say something to me first.
That's entitlement because you can,
the reason why you're not saying something first
is most of the time,
the root of it is you don't want to be rejected.
You don't want to feel the sting
of him not saying, I want you too.
Now, so let's, you know, a lot of times,
it's good to dig down to the bottom.
It's like, oh no, he should just say something.
He should just say something.
Well, when you hear your mind saying that,
I want you to know this,
you see some level of entitlement
that somebody should say something to you first
because you can say something to somebody first too.
And if you say, well, I ain't doing it, ask yourself why.
And don't stop till you get to the bottom of it.
And if when you get through, all your answer is he should,
some, you didn't answer the question.
You didn't get to the bottom.
I think I know in fact, now that you say it.
I know you know why.
Yeah, no, it's because my dating life as a teenager,
I was the one making the moves first.
And then it was playing on my mind.
Well, if I had not reached out to him,
would he have even been interested in me?
And I think that's what it is.
And so when they show interest first,
then I know they show interest
because they're interested in the person
as opposed to, oh, well, she reached out to me, so.
Right, yeah.
You know, I must be all this
because she reached out to me type of thing, yeah.
I would often say that I'm not a big person on looks.
As long as I look better than the man, I'm pretty good.
So, no, but it's kind of like that an answer.
Well, I mean, I look better, so it's okay.
Well, no, what I want to say is,
I want to speak into that
because that man could be looking at,
just let's play with this mind,
because that's what we do.
We think of things in our head and we assign them.
Let's say he's looking at your picture
and saying, man, that woman is so beautiful.
I'm not going to click on her.
She would never like me.
What if those are his thoughts?
Most men, when they sit across type from a pretty woman,
they just amaze you talking to them.
So, I want to deal with some of these mindsets
that believe that, oh, he just talking to me
because I want to talk to him.
You know, that's not true.
Actually, that's an inward judgment of yourself.
Your value and worth is not based on,
your value and worth is still the same,
whether you like them or they liked you.
Hmm.
Right.
So, I want you to hold true to your value and worth,
whether you select them or not.
How then, so then your question may be,
well, how do we measure if they are pursuing us?
It's called reciprocity.
I liked you.
I sent you a message.
Did you send me a message back?
Hmm.
All right.
I extended my number.
Maybe I gave you the call first.
Do you check on me during the daytime?
Are you giving me back what I gave to you?
See, the idea that just because somebody click on you,
they're pursuing you is not true at all.
What does it take to click on your picture?
We're measuring pursuit out of something that's trivial
that really means nothing.
It costs them nothing to do that.
It doesn't take much effort to do those things.
And so, just let's measure things in a meaningful way.
measurable way in a consistent way. So we want reciprocity. If I reach out then you're going to
return to something. So you want to make sure you're not the one always initiating everything.
But so I just want to encourage you to push yourself past that
boundary and see what happens when you do reach out. Like, you know, push yourself.
Okay. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome, Marley.
Liza, we are behind again. Liz, what's going on, girl? Been getting those dates?
I did. So I went on one date on Saturday.
Okay, y'all. Hold on. Wait a minute. Liz, how old are you?
29.
So Liz has already shared this with the group. So while she's running down all this stuff,
I just want to say this before time. She had never dated anybody ever in her whole 29 years
of living. Just know this. So go ahead, Liz. Start back. What were you saying?
Well, I was so well-dressed. I was very nervous. I had my hair curled. I had my contacts on.
I looked so beautiful, but it didn't cross my mind that I should take a picture. So I'm like,
oh, I should have taken a picture of myself to, like, just have a memory of first date ever.
But I had to drive like an hour and a half. So I was like,
I wanted to ask him, like, are we still good for today?
So we were. He was very respectful of my personal boundaries and my professional and my physical
boundary, emotional and physical. Like he didn't he didn't try to touch me. He didn't try to hug me.
But we played like that game. Would you rather this or that? Like in the beginning,
I was asking a lot of questions. And I'm like, I was just so honest. I'm like,
you know what? I'm running out of questions like you need to like you need to say something.
So then he started laughing and he said, I have a list. So he opened his list.
So he was prepared. He's 32. So he opened his list, but then he got bored. So he went on to
the online website and then we found this. Would you rather this or that?
And that was fun. Like it was funny questions. Plus, there were some deep, thoughtful questions.
So we really got to know each other apart from our faith, apart from our profession and apart
from our personal lives. We really got to know each other's faith. However, each other's thoughts.
However, my question is, after those, so the first video chat I initiated, same thing,
initiation, the first date I initiated, after we went home, he didn't message me back. I didn't
message him back the next day. I messaged him and said, hey, it was really nice to get to know you.
But he did say at the end, very end when I said, hey, it was nice to nice to meet you. Like we,
I would love to do it again. So he said, my friends do like a movie in the park,
maybe I will. I will tell you and then we can watch. Would you rather have a movie in the park
or would you rather have a picnic? So I was like, there you go. You can do that. But then
that's about it. And then when we went home, he didn't respond. Neither did I
message. And the next day I messaged and said, hey, it was nice to talk to you,
meet you in person. We would love to do it again. And then he initiated and said, hey,
why don't we do a video call again next time? Because it's like he's in Mississauga, I'm in
London. So I said, that sounds great. And then we are having a video call on this Saturday.
I mean, it was scheduled tomorrow, but I was busy. So I said, let's do it on Saturday. And
he agreed to that. However, it's like every time I initiate and as you said, he reciprocates.
But in the day, there's only one message or there are two at the max. So I just I just don't know
how how far should I take it where I'm always initiating. Like I was always asking him questions.
Hey, how was what are you up to for today? It's a Canada day. So what are you up to today?
He didn't talk. He didn't ask. I had to ask him that. So same thing. Everybody what everybody
is asking. I'm asking the same thing. And I have another date with another man. This coming Friday.
Yeah. Oh, that's right. I remember once I had three dates in one day. It was amazing.
So you're doing good. Let's wrap them up. Thank you. Yeah, stop initiating with him. You've
initiated enough. He's going to have to initiate some from here. So also, if you want to get to
know him more, you can just say, hey, I noticed we've been having a few texts here and there. But
I love to jump on a phone call with you. So we can just start getting to know each other a little
bit better. Feel free to say that. But you have initiated enough and he's he's he's responded
back. But I want you to give space to see what he's going to do. Okay, so then maybe like next
this Saturday, when we talk, I just won't message him back. And I just let him let's
see if he messages me back. Is that what you're saying? Oh, I'm saying like you send text to
don't send him a text tomorrow. Wait till he sends you a text or whatever. Or now if you want to. I
did mention you
Wanting to do you want to listen to me. Do you want to communicate with him more
Um, I don't know if he's the born again believer.
That's the only thing
But do you want to communicate with him more
Because in order to find out if he's a born again believe you have to communicate with them. So that's why I said, do you want to communicate with him more
It doesn't
Mean enough for that.
Um,
He is
Okay, so what you can do is say, hey, we've been sending a few texts here and there. Let's schedule some talk time. I know we're going to do a video chat on Saturday, but I would love to chat with you. You can put the hours that you're available to talk on the phone.
And then he can choose from one of those time slots. You don't have to follow up him anymore. After that, you told him that you're available. You would like to do a voice call with him and give him the times that you can do voice calls.
Okay.
That makes sense.
Yeah, he didn't ask my number, though. Am I the one who's going to ask the number
Oh, yeah. How are y'all talking in the app.
He's too
Bad.
I know
Okay, you can tell he's shy.
Yeah, he's very shy. He was
Having a hard time to even look at me when we were together and then he would make eye contact and then he would take it away.
Oh, that's
Pretty
Yes, what me and you like they can't look at
Look, it's
Just like she see me. She see me. I have to turn my head. She got me.
There. They're like 12 year olds. It's okay. Um,
Yeah, I would just tell just a taste. Hey, we hadn't got opportunity to exchange numbers. I love to do a voice call with you. Here's my number.
In the time that I'm available. Look, lock me in shoot me a text so I can save your number as well.
Okay.
I will be. Yep.
That that sounds I love your boldness and I'm going to do it.
Go for it. Look at you. I told you catch on to it. Once you catch me like, let's go, baby.
So, okay. So at what point then should I not initiate stop initiating at one point.
You're going to send him that text today or tomorrow over via the app. So when you do that, you would have given him your number.
You would have given him more access to you, you would have told him that you want to do a voice call with him and you would have also giving him the time
That you're available. That's it. His, his after that the bottles in his court.
Even the next day, you're not going to text him even the next day, you're not going to text him and then you'll see him according to your plans on the zoom call
Okay, what you will confirm if you haven't heard from him that the zoom call is good to go because I don't want you to get all dolled up and he doesn't show up.
Okay, so the reason why you are making communication before the zoom calls, just so you won't be inconvenienced. Yeah.
Got it. Yeah.
And after the zoom call. I'm not texting him and asking like they would. I mean, I just wait for him to message after this.
Because he was he should have when you give him your number. He's going to talk to you. He's going to reach out to you. And so you'll have more context going into the zoom call like you would have shown more to you by big
Okay. Right.
If he doesn't, when you get on the zoom call you can say, Hey, I gave you my number. I showed a bit of interest wanting to do a voice call with you is, is this something that you're not interested in pursuing
Right.
Yep.
So you'll know more before you get there.
Sounds good. Thanks, Ebony
You're welcome. All right, Lori.
Hey, y'all is 754 so I'm gonna speed us up for real this time.
One minute, get your who, what, and something. Who, what, and question.
Okay, I actually have two, but I think two relationships to
Sort a little bit. The first one is, well, it's the same two guys that I talked about last week, the rugged handsome guy.
Super cute. We exchanged numbers. The texts were flying so much compatibility, just having literally just having a ball and then I offered up a voice call
Or video chat said, Hey, it'd be fun to meet voice or video and he says, I can do a voice. I'm because he had a bunch of things. He's like, I'll be walking my dog. Is it okay if we
Talk during that time. So we did. And he's he asked a lot of questions. And so the call went, went good, but I didn't feel like I had as undivided attention. So anyway, got off the call and
I would say, I'd say it went good.
Didn't have as much connection as I felt like I needed to have, but
We had during the tax, but, um, and that was for maybe like 35, 40 minutes we
chatted and then nothing from Saturday noon until Sunday at like eight o'clock.
And so in that time, so like 36 hours ish.
So in that time, very long, I also had like so much, such an opportunity.
It was crazy, had such an opportunity for, um, sorting through anxious attachment.
And, um, so yeah, I mean, it's like a gift that it came up.
So anyway, and I called, you know, I was just processing with the Lord
and journaling and doing all these things and like, couldn't,
just couldn't settle it down.
And so I finally was just like, um, wasn't until the next day,
cause he didn't text like, Hey, it was a great call, you know,
let's chat again, nothing.
And so I just really sat with the Lord and was like, what, what is it that.
Um, I need that.
Why, why do I need that?
Why it's not like it was a bad call.
I think it was a good call.
So just really sat with the Lord and just allowed him to just like, just be with him.
But I would say that the biggest thing, my biggest breakthrough came through
and I remembered two things.
And one is like somatic, like nervous system healing that like, feel the
feeling of the trauma in my body and sitting with that and allowing the
Holy spirit to encounter me.
And then I said, God, I need a promise right now that doesn't
have to do anything with him.
But I just need a promise.
And he just said, declare my faithfulness.
And I really heard him.
And so every time that fear came up, I just said, Lord, you are faithful.
And it was like, it was like all the fear left, like so powerful for me.
I just said, Lord, you are faithful.
And I loved about that as it didn't say you are faithful.
Steve's going to be my husband.
It's like, Lord, you are faithful and you are going to be here with me all
the days of my life and you've always been good to me and you always will be.
And so it was such a breakthrough.
And then also, you know, leaning into a couple of girlfriends who were like,
you are overthinking this girlfriend.
Like this is the only bit I'm like, this has only been like 12 hours, you know?
So, or 24 hours.
So then when he messaged back through, cause he had asked me during the texting,
Hey, are you free on Wednesday evening to meet in person?
So then I thought, are we still meeting or not?
Anyway, he reached out Sunday evening and said, good evening, Lori, how was
your worship last night in your Sunday?
And, you know, I just gave a real brief and I waited to answer too,
because I, I needed to come down from, yeah, I was, I would say the
faithfulness thing helped, but I definitely still needed to come down
from the, that ride, but anyway, he gave a short description of his day.
And then he said, Hey, are you still free on Wednesday evening?
And he says, I have a super busy couple of days, but would
love to plan something for us.
I'd love to meet you.
And so there was nothing ever wrong.
Well, that's good.
He was processing.
I'm sure he's everybody's going to have questions, but you know, I think it was
really good for me to just sit in the waiting and think of all the different
mindsets that I could think of.
I could think, Oh, everything's great.
He's off having fun.
We had a great phone call.
It's good.
You know, it's just all the different options that I could
meaning that I could give it.
Yeah.
Um, so I guess I'd like to know, like, he is still not reached out and I expect
him to, because we have the date planned and he was said he was, he had extremely
compact Monday, Tuesday that he'd reach out with a plan.
Um, but I'm just wondering how long should we meet for?
He reached out, he reached out yesterday.
He reached out.
He reached out Sunday, but he said he would reach out yesterday.
No, he reached out.
He said he'd reach out.
He said he'd reach out with a plan, but we have Wednesday, tomorrow night.
Pencil out.
No, he said he's coming up with a plan.
He'll get back with me.
Oh, okay.
Well, tomorrow's Wednesday.
If you haven't heard by him tomorrow morning, you know, you can always shoot.
You can shoot, you can shoot them on ticks and you can say, Hey,
what's the plan for today?
Yeah. And you could do it on the earlier part of the day. Yeah, you can see what he says back. Um,
he did give his word that he would reach out, but it's okay for you to follow up so you can
know so you won't be, you know, I, I thought back, he said, he did say, you know, excellent
that I was still available. I look forward to planning something for Wednesday. And maybe he
meant he wanted to plan it. I don't know. Yeah, don't don't don't look far into it. Maybe he's
still trying to plan something perfect. He is the guy. They can be not own it. Just we already
talked about like preferences for restaurants and things like that. So or whatever, but I guess I
need to know like how long is a good Yeah, Laura, just reach out to him tomorrow. Tomorrow morning,
about nine, 9am or 10am, whichever one of those times are acceptable for you. If he doesn't
respond to you today, you can reach out to him tonight and ask him what the plan is for tomorrow.
And you can reach out to him tomorrow morning and ask him what the plan is. But you can shoot him
a text right now and say, Hey, what's the plan for tomorrow? Okay. I think that's the easiest way to
do it. I would, I don't like you to like keep taking your mind and wondering stuff. I am a
very direct person. And so I don't waste a lot of time with trying to figure things out. You gave
him enough time, you need time to know how to plan your day tomorrow if he's not gonna plan anything.
So it's just a quick text like, Hey, just checking in. What's the plans for tomorrow?
Time, meet up time, you know, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. And then how long should we spend together
for first in person? How far does he live? Within an hour? Yeah, just you know, enjoy yourself.
Um, you know, you don't want a five hour date. You know, you do coffee, that's about 45 minutes.
If y'all do lunch or dinner, that's gonna change it. So you know, a couple of hours. Okay.
Okay. Can I ask you real quick about the other one? Now, I want you to ask me but I got so many
more hands live Lori. But if I'm picking up we will gladly come back. So can you just leave
your hand up and then I'll know to double back to you. Okay. Okay. Thanks. Natalie.
Natalie.
Yeah. So I kind of have a similar question with communication. And I think I'm kind of going back
and forth in my mind. I'll be honest, probably because it's a little bit of a defense mechanism,
because I haven't heard from him. So then that's when I'll start to say, Oh, you know what,
we're probably not the best fit. Anyway, it's fine, even though it's bothering me.
Because what happened? And I think I messaged you ebony on this question with this guy on the
on the post when I said that he was not brought up in a Christian home, but he's intrigued by
the Bible. He's more intellectual. Yeah. So we had a great date on Thursday night,
we went to a nice steakhouse dinner. Very cute. He's the only guy I've dated in almost two years
that I've actually even just been attracted to. So I was excited for this date. You know,
I love having intellectual conversation. You know, I was interested in his take on the Bible,
even though he's looking at it from more a historical standpoint, rather than a heart
posture. But he also said he was going to send me an article on something he wanted me to review.
And I could see parallels to that. I was really excited about talking with him. But the next time
he's like, Well, I'd really like to get together with you again. I'm like, me too. Same. He did
give me a hug. He walked into my car and he did give me a hug. Goodbye, which I was okay with.
But I remember talking to you about how he did try to extend his hand to me at the table. And I
told him, you know, I really do like you, but I just prefer to take things slow. So then I felt
like I was giving him mixed messages. When he walked me to the car, and I gave him a hug because
I wanted to just hug him. I'm like, Oh, my gosh, anyway. So then he sent me a very nice message.
You know, when when I got home, you know, nice to meet you. Drutter conversation, the whole thing.
Okay, fine. And then the next night, which was Friday night around 9pm, he said, So hey, round
two, you know, I'd love to get together again, you up for dinner Sunday night. And I said,
actually, I'm set for plans this weekend. But I would love I said, Thank you.
for the invitation, but I really would love, you know,
to talk further, you know, about like the article
you sent me and he goes, yeah,
I'm going through Luke right now.
I said, okay, sounds good.
And I have not heard from him since Friday night.
You can't, you're on mute, Ebony.
Pull my calendar up.
I said, you ain't heard from since Friday night.
My mind like, what is today?
Oh, Natalie.
So have you reached out to him?
Oh, heck no.
Natalie, what is with you with this girl?
I can't do it, I can't do it.
I don't mean to be entitled, but it's just,
it just, oh, I can't do it.
And you know why?
Okay, remember how you told the last girl,
give some space to see what he does?
For me, it's really tough, Ebony.
I'm sorry, ladies.
It's really hard for me because I'm used to guys,
if they're interested in me, they pursue me.
It really is that simple.
It's no good morning, no getting to know you,
no how was your day, Natalie, no calling.
You know, I mean, I feel like we both made it very clear.
We wanted to get together again.
I said I was open.
I don't feel, and I'm sorry if it comes across as entitled,
I don't feel that I should have to reach out again.
I already told him I was open to doing it.
I mean, we're talking no communication,
like no good morning, no calls, nothing.
I don't know if he's seeing other people, what?
So I just was like, no, we're probably just not met.
He's not religious anyway, or he's not spiritual anyway,
whatever, we're not met.
I'm just gonna start seeing other people.
Well, Natalie, okay, first,
you should be seeing other people
because the rule of thumb is,
I know you don't like to adopt this mindset,
but he's probably not your husband.
But you did have a good time with him.
You did have a good time with him.
And you can reach out to people again.
You don't wanna do it.
I know you say they should pursue you,
but you also have an issue with rejection
and you need to bury that thing in the grave.
You gotta bury it, Natalie.
You gotta bury it.
I'm not cool with the fact he hasn't reached out at all.
I'm like, why is he not communicating?
I shouldn't have to do that.
I don't know.
That's why you need to say something.
I don't know.
Natalie, Natalie, Natalie.
He could be thinking the same thing.
Maybe she's not that interested.
She hasn't said anything since that day.
All I'm saying is, if you say something,
you know you've done your part.
So if you say something
and they didn't respond for seven days, who cares?
I reached out to you.
Clearly, you don't wanna talk to me.
But when there has been absolutely no communication
from either side, we can't measure to see
if they wanna talk to you or not
because you ain't said nothing to him either.
The same insecurities we have
are the same insecurities another person can have.
Remember, we don't know this person.
We're getting to know them
and they may not be very confident.
It could be a lot of reasons,
but I don't enjoy spinning reasons through my mind
about what another person could be thinking or doing or why.
And I'm with you.
And I know, and I have,
it's not like I'm like this with every guy.
I have made more of an effort to put myself out there.
Thank you.
And I have texted and I have called
and I have asked hard questions and things like that.
But I guess I was just really taken back
because I noticed this was his MO.
Like I initiated, first of all, I liked him.
So I'll even give myself that.
Woo!
I liked him on the app first.
Okay, so that was a big one for me just right there.
And then I set up a video chat for us.
So I did that too.
And we had a nice conversation
and he set up our date immediately
and gave me three different choices and we had a great date.
But between that time, there was no communication.
So he's already, to me, set the tone.
Like he just, he's just,
maybe he's just more of an in-person kind of person,
but okay, that aside,
what would you recommend at this point?
I could proceed.
Like to say, hey, I know you mentioned us getting together.
I'd still be interested.
Do I say, what would that look like for you?
Or would you like to get dinner this week?
I know you mentioned getting together on Sunday.
What would you suggest I do?
When did he say y'all would be together Sunday?
So the last time I heard from him was Friday night.
He asked me out for Sunday night.
I told him I had plans this weekend
and I thanked him for the invitation,
but that I would be open to getting together another time
so we can discuss this further,
like we'll use that as a talking point.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, oh, so this go a lot of ways.
Yeah.
How about you say, hey, so what did you have in mind
for us getting together again?
OK.
Yeah, I think that's a really good.
I wouldn't do all the options and stuff like that.
I just want to hear him respond back.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I would just say, hey, we haven't
chatted in a few days, haven't heard from you.
Just reaching out to see when that lets him know that you
did want to hear from him.
So, hey, haven't heard from you.
I'm reaching out to see when do you
want to reschedule our date.
I'm excited to get with you again,
hang out with you again.
OK.
Go for it, Natalie.
You got this.
I'll do it.
OK.
Go for it.
Tell me how it goes.
OK, thank you.
You're welcome.
Diana, it's been a while.
Yes, and I always have trouble unmuting.
Sorry.
It's OK.
So for those of you who don't know,
I had a reverse shoulder replacement surgery
done five weeks ago.
Friday, a gentleman contacted me on that new app, The Arc.
Yeah.
And he was somewhat local, so like 40 minutes from me.
So I responded.
His profile looked great.
He's a little older than I would usually date,
but I was trying to stay open to things.
I have difficulty texting because I'm right-handed
and it's my right shoulder.
So my responses to him were short and somewhat sweet,
anyway.
Then he would reply back with a book.
It was, oh my gosh.
Every single response was, I had to scroll constantly
to read everything that he wrote every time.
And so that was Friday.
Saturday, after our Zoom, he started in again.
It was all day Saturday.
So Saturday night, I suggested, it hurts so bad to respond.
And my answers were getting shorter and shorter.
And I just said, how about we talk on the phone
because I'm in pain?
I really am having trouble texting.
How about we talk and play Yahtzee?
Because we had talked about liking board games.
And so I put him on speakerphone and went upstairs
and share a home with my son and his children.
Anyway, I got the Yahtzee out and this guy
talked and talked and talked and talked and talked.
And I'm just like, tell me the words to shut this down
because I'm like, he has no friends.
He's lived in the area since 2021.
He's a widower.
He's got two adult children that live with him.
And he would want me to be his everything.
And I even talked to him about our Saturday call
about how we need friendships that are outside of a marriage.
And yeah, he has nobody.
And it's just like, cling on.
Oh, God help me.
Anyway, yeah.
So Sunday, he did wait until Sunday evening to contact me.
And I just kept it short and sweet.
And then last night, he sent me a message really late.
And all I replied was, I'm playing cards with my family.
And I didn't respond after that.
I feel bad, but at the same time, I don't.
OK, so help, help me.
Do you like him?
Maybe as a friend, definitely not further than that.
Why don't you like him for the dinner?
Why do you like him as a friend?
I could see him being a potential for one of my friends, like, yeah.
What qualities, what qualities he had that make him, you consider him as a friend?
Really good values, morals, his outlook on life, with the exception of making his partner everything, is good.
Yeah, okay.
So, he sounds like he has some really good framework to be a good friend if someone has to, you know, so.
You like how he looks? Physically?
Uh, not so much.
Ah, that's why you don't want to make him more of your little boo thing. You don't like how he looks.
I was just playing.
I was trying to get out of my comfort zone.
Yeah, it's too much stretching. Sorry.
You work with a crocodile over there, ain't it?
Well, so this is what I want to say to you.
It'd be good if you can he meet you for a coffee date, you need to go on a date.
Yeah, he wants to go out to dinner.
I think that'd be good for you to go out and dinner with him.
It is good for you to go on a date, Diana, especially if he has these qualities that you've noticed so far.
He doesn't feel like a threat to you or like a danger.
He wants to go on a date. I think this would be a good guy to go on a date with.
If you do continue talking to him, you're going to have you recognize that he's anxiously attached.
If you're going to continue talking to him, you're going to have to do some work by breaking up his time.
So that means that you're going to be in control of when you talk to him and how long you talk to him.
You can do that by saying, hey, he could text you. You can wait a few hours.
Say, hey, I saw your text. I was a bit busy. You know what?
These hours right here work best for me. Right.
Then when you get on the phone, hey, so good to talk to you today.
What you got going on? I got about four to five minutes and I'm going to have to hang up because I need to do something.
Whatever you want to do, you can fold clothes. I don't care. You don't have to lie.
You just need to think of something that you're going to hang up with him to do.
So if you want to continue to get to know him, you just take control and you start pacing the time.
Right. And if I do think you should go dinner with him sooner than later.
OK. Yeah, because you've been cooped up in the house.
And he wants to get to know you. So I think that it would be a good idea.
You know, all the time. I'm just saying this. I'm not saying that he is the one or anybody is the one.
Sometimes people come with certain attachment styles, just like some of the ladies in this group have an anxious attachment style.
But it doesn't mean that gold doesn't live on the inside of us.
And sometimes when we're a bit more skilled and we know things, sometimes we have to kind of work around a person for that.
Right. I'm not I'm talking about when this person carries some good foundational things that can make for good getting to know person.
Sometimes we work with we don't work with lust. We don't work with perversion.
We don't work with anger, hostility. But if they have anxious attachment style, maybe you can, you know,
you kind of work with it to give yourself to look for the gold in them.
It may outweigh that attachment style that they're operating in and it may not.
But I'm just saying some things can be sometimes worth a little bit of a journey. Makes sense.
Yes. Yeah. Go for it. Tell me about the day when you come back sooner than later.
OK, thank you. You're pretty posting pictures. You're welcome.
Sky. OK, so I've got on some dates here locally.
A few weeks ago, you coached me because I was talking about long distance and I really thought about it.
I don't know how I ended up talking to this guy in Jackson, Wyoming.
He's 10 hours away from me, but like financially, I'm able to travel.
He's able to travel. We've been talking for about a month.
We met up in Boise halfway. I have friends in Boise.
So even if it was a total dud, I'm like, I'm still going to have a good time.
So it wasn't anything that would have been much of a sacrifice.
We met. He's so great. We've been FaceTiming, talking on the phone.
own. I really like him. He's mature, masculine, marriage minded. It's very weird for me because
I have dated some really toxic guys and I'm used, I was used to that love bombing. He's
very intentional, um, communicates really well, isn't over the top, gives me compliments,
but they're polite and respectful. So there's really nothing in like my brain's like trying
to find something wrong with him. I'm like, Oh, well he's not as tall as I would've liked
or just, you know, little things that don't matter. I'm attracted to him, but not overly
attracted to him, which I think is good for me with my history of just like going for
looks and, um, things like that. So I've gone on a couple of dates with a couple other guys
since then, just because I know I don't want to get too attached to him, but I'm really
just not liking anyone else that I talked to. Um, we have another, he was ready to come
visit me here. We did talk about splitting, um, plane tickets, um, lodging, things like
that for visits. And we're both on board with that. So I know he's responsible with money
and, um, is able to afford that. So, um, we have another trip planned to meet in Boise
again in like three or four weeks. Um, so I know you've talked about the acceleration
that can happen when you're talking a lot with long distance. And so I'm kind of trying
to figure out, I haven't really done long distance before figuring out the timeline
for like how much time to spend with him on the next trip. I'm going to work remote because
I can work remote. So I'm going to stay for a couple of nights and like see friends. And
so we're going to see each other a couple of days in a row, but not the whole time.
But like how much time is appropriate to spend with him by then we'll have been talking for
two months and then we have a tentative plan if we're still talking and he still likes
me and I still like him, he'll come here in August. And then I'm actually already going
to Jackson with my family in September cause my dad wants to go there to see Yellowstone.
So we have availability to see each other every month, but we also are holding it loosely
knowing that we might decide we like someone else. Right. Um, so your question is how much
time to spend. Yeah. And just kind of like how that timeline, cause it just feels like
everything feels normal, which feels abnormal to me if I'm being honest. So I'm like, okay,
I want to like kind of pull back and take it really slow, but I don't, it feels peaceful
and safe and respectful and just enjoy getting to know him. That's good Sky. Yeah. I think
that when you do meet up, if I had to say you want to spend the biggest of your time
with him because you guys don't get to see each other and experience beats FaceTime,
you need to experience him. Yeah. Y'all this, everybody, that is the, the, the thing about
when you date long distance, you don't get to experience that person. You spend more
time talking to them than you do experiencing them and experiencing them is going to really
show you if you really do like them or not. And so I say that when you go to meet him,
even if your friends are in town, maybe y'all do some dates by yourself and then you maybe
do other dates in community. So like everybody goes to the bowling alley because you also
see how he interacts around other people around your community. All of those things are really
important. And so you need experience with him. Okay. Yeah. And that's another question
I had was just how, like, how soon do I bring him into community with my friends? Because
technically, I mean, we FaceTimed a couple of times and we've met in person, but technically
that's like our second in-person date. So I didn't want to just bombard him with friends,
but in August, if he does come out here to my girlfriends from California are going to be up
here. So I'll have friends that want to meet him. And he was open to coming to like a concert and
doing dinner before our concert. So. Well, so this is what I'm going to say,
if you're talking about, give me one second. If you're talking about hanging out as a group,
that's different than introducing him to your community, like important people,
like people you would introduce him to when you're saying, this is a thing.
Right. So you just start hanging out. Right. But if y'all are meeting up now, if you are
particularly really attracted to him, then your time alone, you're going to want to guard that
time alone. I like me that I'm not overly attracted to me, physically attracted to,
because the more time we spend together, the more you're going to want to touch or be more physical.
Everybody may not be that way. I'm that way. So I have to guard myself in those situations because I know me, right?
So so when I say hang out with people that you know, these people people in your community and know you date people
They know you get to know people so they're not saying ooh
This is guys, you know boo thing or something like that
And so that means y'all are hanging out
But you're still hanging out in a much bigger crowd and then you want to do activities when you hang out with him
Instead of like so give you example, so
The person I date is long-distance three hours away. So if I go up there on a Friday
I'll stay with somebody and I go stay I stay Friday and Saturday. We only see each other twice a month
So when I get there on Friday, we're doing well if it's after work, we do dinner. We hang out
I go to my friend's house. I wake up the next morning. I do breakfast then we do lunch with somebody
And then we'll go painting we'll go to the park we'll go bowling with a group of people and then that night we'll do dinner
Then I'll go home the next day, but we're together that whole time
We're out incorporating people. We're starting the day early because I'm getting biggest bang for my book
I am doing with his community
We're just integrating people so that we can have fun experiences and hang out with other people. So that's what I'm telling you
Okay. Yeah, I like that. That makes sense. Good. Okay, sounds good. Thank you
You're welcome. Oh
Ashley
All right, can you hear me? Yeah
Okay, perfect
So I have not yet even started trying to get on to online dating yet
After being off of it for a bit of time and the reason why is and this is my question is
It is so
exhausting to me
When you have to make small talk because I am in the medical field
So I have to talk to people all day
And so then it to try to come home and have the same conversation with people 18,000 times
So, how do you even get past that?
To even want to like that's why like I've been on and off
Online dating apps for a very long time
Because I would like get on and be like, okay, I can't deal with this. This is too much time
I thought that I had time but I don't
It's emotionally exhausting, how about that?
Yeah, it can be exhausting. I think we all can attest to that anybody on here. It is exhausting and draining
one thing you can do though is you have other ways of meeting people if you're if you have a lot of community and
you have
The gym you have like there you go places where single people hang out it
I don't know what your community is like
Those are options for you just throwing that out there if we're specifically talking about online dating too
Cuz I don't like us to forget about the norm like not normal, but just natural way of meeting people in community
Walking up to people talking in the grocery store. Like those are all real things
So this is what I live in the syphilis capital of the world, how about that in the hoop?
I live in the syphilis capital of the world. I'm in Norfolk, Virginia. So it is Navy guys up the wazoo
Yeah, it's but all of them have STDs
Okay, no, that's a no-go
But oh my what you have to do actually is you're gonna have to narrow down pick people that you really want to get to
know
Set a time give yourself 30 minutes say I'm gonna spend 30 minutes. I'm gonna spend 15 minutes
I don't care what you spend but you're gonna set a time and you can do that three times a week or two times a
week and then you're gonna
Like people back that you really do want to get to know I already have the small talk down that you're gonna use
So look, hey great. How's your day going or whatever you're gonna say?
me
What I do is this is not a rule this is me I
Don't do going on apps very well to talk to people after the first time I connect with you the second day that I talk
To you. I am going to ask to exchange numbers
That's what I do. I don't like going in an app exchanging text
You can text me on my phone because if I don't want to talk anymore, I can block you. I
Start out with the Google number and so, you know, you maybe you want to do that
But after the second time I've talked to a person granted they've given me I'm not gonna keep communicating back and forth
I just don't have the capacity for it and I don't keep going into an app
I just don't like it. And so by the second day at the latest the third day I am exchanging number
I'm like, hey, I would like to get to know you better. Is this something that you're interested in?
So I always want to hear their buy-in and then when they say yes, I'm gonna say great. Here's my number
Let's go ahead and shoot each other quick text to lock each other in when we do that. I tell them my availability
Okay voice conversation. I don't like also I don't prefer texting a person that I don't know
Mm-hmm, like I don't like to continue this long text journey with you
And I'm not even heard your voice before and so that may be something that will work for you
Actually not having the capacity to do this back-and-forth talk
My goal is always the same goal
I give you guys with the Jackie gives us with a local person is I need a coffee date
I'm not interested in talking on the phone to people all the time. I'm more interested in a date and
that's where I think that I almost send the wrong message to people because like as soon as you text me or
Chit chat on because I don't get my phone number on the date in apps
Because I had I had a co-worker who got stalked and it was a big thing
But I think I hear about Google numbers now
So we're gonna try that
but like I will almost immediately be like let's go meet up for a drink or a coffee or something because I don't want to
Like because I'm a better judge of like do I even want to get to know you?
I like in person versus
Versus dating or versus talking right on this app
But then I think that I
Think that it typically leads to people thinking that it's more of a hookup culture
Well
Yeah, um, you know, maybe say instead of saying let's go get a drink say let's go get a cup of coffee
Because a drink could give out a vibe it could it really could grab a drink but that's just your language
You're basically saying let's get to know each other
Maybe you may not like coffee, but just get a cup of jasmine tea. I don't know but it push you in the daytime
It was getting to know them and then after that if you like the more then you can say you want to meet up
You know a local place for you know a drink if that's what you want to do
But yeah, what cuts your time down from all this back and forth rigmarole that you're not into
Okay
I
Will try it with the 30 minutes and the Google and the number with the with the text me
Thank you people. You really want to talk to that's gonna really help you. Oh
There's very few people that I really want to talk to you. Anyway, so
Okay
I've been on these dates for so my last I my last big relationship was like
Almost a decade ago with marriage. And so it was
We're just we're just circling around at this point. Now. There's a couple of us who are just like, oh my gosh
So you're back on here. I'll see you again
Yeah
Yeah, yeah, no, I get it
Thank you, you're welcome Elizabeth I
Yes, this is my first time so
correct me if this is not the right question either, but I
Have I'm getting out and dating this week. We're gonna go online. I suppose and just launch into that
But I any kind of wisdom around I tend to in the past
Kind of really put put myself like do anything to be liked
And loved
so I forget who I am or my
struggle with low self-worth so I've
tended to
Put myself in a you know
Like if I figure out who they what I think they would he would like of me
I usually fit in in the past fit into that. Do you have any guidance on how to kind of?
Come at this a different way already just out of the gate even
Yeah, one thing you have to do is it's gonna be an inner talk thing
And you're gonna keep reminding yourself that this time I get to show up as me
And refuse to show up into anybody else like you have to tell yourself
I am refusing to show up as anybody else
But me one of the things that helped me is that I realized that dating can be one of the biggest
Scams there are because people will send me a lot of text messages
That I realized that dating can be one of the biggest scams there are because people will send their
Representative and so elizabeth this time this is going to be your your thing to practice. You're going to say yeah
I'm about to practice this
I'm going to show up as elizabeth and i'm only going to do what elizabeth wants to do and it doesn't matter how it comes
Out. Okay. So the first opportunity you get to go against something do it with everything in you
Like they say you want to do coffee. No, I want lunch. I don't care what it is
Every little chance you get to show up as elizabeth not just on the date
But in everything because what you do in one area spills over into the next area
I love it.
Yeah, so every change you get, rebel against it.
Okay, I will.
Say, I'm going to be true to me.
Okay.
Okay, so that means if somebody asks you to do something
you don't want to do, say, no, I don't want to do it.
I don't know why, but I don't.
Okay.
Or just say no for the heck of it.
I have to do it.
Like, I would just say, no.
You don't want to know, huh?
No, I don't want to.
Please do it, there's no explanation
to get that muscle working.
Okay, perfect, thank you.
Okay, and post on the wall.
Something this week that you said no to.
All right, I will.
I want to hear from you.
Okay, you got it, thank you.
You're welcome.
Felicia.
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
Thank you.
The guy I was talking to, I put him on a break
because he's throwing tantrums.
Like I said, he was, you know,
going on with that love bombing thing
and it was overwhelming me.
So I start to space it out
and he was not having that at all.
So I decide to take away FaceTime.
I take away access, you know,
consistent access to me.
And I just know he's throwing tantrums, you know.
He say things, not all the way disrespectful,
but hard stuff, you know,
like he would say women in our age
are looking for a perfect relationship
and, you know, stuff like that.
And there's no perfect relationship.
And so, you know, stuff like that.
So I do put him on a break.
I think I need to do that.
But I let him also know I am doing it.
I am, you know, put him on this break
where he has no access to FaceTime with me.
He still call like once and he will text and say,
I'm just trying to see if it, you know,
if you will talk to me or he wants to see me.
And I just decide, you know,
that's something I felt great.
One other thing I want to say too,
I have learned so much of just being empowered
of what the teaching on from all of you
and how to put myself in that place
of being not entitled, but empowerment.
And I realized so much of what I can do
without doing it because I, you know,
I feel like I should do it,
but do it because this is what I need to do.
And I am learning so much.
I mean, it's so, it's just,
I would say to the ladies, just do this dating thing.
You're gonna learn so much.
There's so much to learn from it.
I'm learning so much from it.
And just the thing to able to just put this guy
on that pause and let him know, I'm taking myself back.
I'm taking me back.
He's not understanding any of that.
He's seen it the other way.
Cause he's not in coaching.
He doesn't, he don't want to do dating
and he's in his sixties,
but I just believe it's the right thing.
Any coaching on that, that era for me.
And also I'm talking to other people.
I have a call tonight after this,
to talk.
And another thing you answered is that,
the men they're dragging their feet.
I'm a kind of direct person.
I want to know that if I'm texting for today,
next tomorrow, I need to,
but I normally don't initiate like exchange numbers.
So I think I'm going to start doing that now.
Like, Hey, let's talk.
I wait for them to say, let's talk.
I think I need to start doing it instead of this.
I can't do this long text on the app.
I can't do it.
Yeah.
No, yeah.
That's so good, Felicia.
I'm really happy for you.
And I'm glad you are this young man
that you are being,
like doing things that help you to,
help you to display the powerful woman that you are.
And sometimes a lot of these guys,
we are dating, we,
this is what you get to practice.
You get to say without a fear of losing,
like, Hey, look, no, I don't want to talk about that.
Or we're going to talk at this time
or we're going to do this
because it really is push you in the seat
that you already exceeding it
and you just don't know how to operate from that place.
And so, yeah, I think this is really good
what you're doing and what you're learning
and how you are navigating dating.
Great.
Yeah.
And I agree with you about,
I'm very much,
I don't have a lot of capacity for this drawn out stuff.
And I don't like to deal with a lot of thoughts.
So I just say what I'm going to say.
That's it.
I'm not, I don't like to sit wondering about.
what somebody's going to do next. All I know is what I'm going to do, what I'm going to do,
and then I'm going to put, I'm going to do what I'm going to do. Right, right. So like I put him
on this pause, it's so healthy for me, such a healthy, such a healthy place to be that I can
do this and you know, and I don't know when I'm going to talk to him. I just don't know. Right
now it's not a good time because he's just throwing tantrum like a little kid. And I know
in the beginning, I said, I'm looking for mature. That's one of my requests. And about now you're
not being mature. You know, you're throwing love bomb tantrum. And I, and I said, he can learn
something from this. You know, as I healthy pull myself away, this is not going to be it. I think
it's just a healthy place to be. I'm learning, hope he learned something from it. And it's
exciting to do that. Thank you guys. Yeah. Well, good. I'm glad. And so you like him enough to
keep talking to him as well? I think I'm more like for me to learn, learn what I need to learn
from it and for him to learn something if he wants to. But I don't know based on the few things that
he said, if they're very, you know, they're accusations. I don't like them, but they're
kind of things for me to learn too. So let's say they're, you know. That's good. Yeah. I like,
I like your perspective on that. Yeah. That's great. Felicia. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for
sharing. I'll follow up with you guys more on that. Okay. That'd be great. We like to follow up.
Okay. All right, ladies, Tammy, I hope you got off a good start to online dating. Did you say
you want to go online and start dating Tammy? No, you didn't. Were you supposed to date somebody
or talk to somebody? Me? Yeah. No. I'm on a fast. That's right. You were going to hold out. Thank
you. Sorry. No. Yeah. But I got, there's been several, I don't know, six notifications or
something, but I have not gone on the site or anything. I just, but I love the fact
that I was reading through the whole ARC thing because ARC sent me something and I like the
fact that it's Bible. You get to put your denomination and things like that. So I still
have 11 days of the fast and I'm like, yeah, just even drawing closer to the Lord. And
he's just, it's been sweet, you know? And so, but yeah. So I'm not doing that because it's,
it's too much of a distraction, but during the fast I've been on Facebook and I've been on
YouTube and that's a no, no for me during the fast, you know? So I've been distracted just
reading different things and I'm like, so I need to cut that. But, you know, but listening to all
of you, I've just learned so much tonight. You know, that just, I, yeah. So if I, me coming,
you know, Tuesday nights is good for me. Yeah. I haven't dated in like seven or eight years.
So long time or six years, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. So this is good, but you're really
good. You're a very good coach, you know, to just come out and say it like it is and,
and all that. So thank you for that. Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome. I love the
vulnerability of the women, the ladies here and, you know, just sharing their heart and just really,
yeah, you know, just it's great. That's good. Yeah. Awesome. All right. Thank you. Awesome.
You're welcome. Awesome ladies. I've enjoyed y'all tonight, Lolita. I will miss you because
you're going to phase three and anybody else who's going to phase three, we will miss you
over here in phase two. Get me some, you're welcome. Give me some updates on the community
walls. I missed any of your posts. I am sorry. I did not mean to. And yeah, actually I want to
update from you to actually a little bit. Sorry. I'll wait to hear that. I just realized I was
still on speaker. Oh, it's okay. I had a question on, I posted it, but I don't know if any of the
coaches saw it. I received an email the other day from I forget her name, but it said that
I don't remember what it was, but anyway, it's on the post. If maybe you can read it and just
answer because it, I think there's, there was supposed to be something in the attachment,
but it wasn't, it wasn't, there was nothing there. So I didn't know what she was talking about.
Okay. It was for the first time ever. I'm going to, that's what the email said.
okay I'll share with uh I'll share with this in it and I follow up with you I
just I see it now yeah thank you all right okay yeah cool all right ladies
this is the end of the show we're well over time but that's okay I want you
guys to do this activation so this is what you guys are gonna do what you're
gonna do is tonight when you get in your bed are you ready you are going to roll
over to you get to the other side don't fall out the bed and on your way back I
want you and thanking the Lord for the man that is soon to be laying in the bed
besides you because one day you are going to bump into him you're gonna have
to share your covers you may have to borrow pillow but there will be a man
laying beside you whose title will be your husband yes and you're gonna love
every moment of it get ready to make those pancakes at 2 o'clock in the
morning and not worry about those carbs cuz you're gonna have a man to eat with
baby have fun doing it and we will see you ladies soon all right have you love
you thank you thank you good night everyone good night good night thanks
ladies