WEBVTT

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Yeah, I'm so excited to see y'all get updates, to see what's been happening, for y'all to

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tell me to T. All these guys y'all are meeting, cutting out and meeting some more, dropping

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some and picking up some more.

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It's always exciting to me, but I'm sure for y'all it's like, oh, another one didn't work

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out.

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But I'm like, who's-

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With the screen.

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Do you know what a screen is?

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It's the things that keep the mosquito out.

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Oh.

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Window.

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Window.

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Let me hear.

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You want that?

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You want that?

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Yeah.

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Did that help?

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Right there?

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All right.

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So anyway, I hope y'all have been having a good week and counting out joy that you get

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to cut out and pick up, pick up and cut out again.

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Don't be too disappointed.

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It's a cycle.

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It happens.

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God is writing your love story.

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It may not feel like it, may not look like it, but he is.

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But the first story he starts with is you.

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He will not bypass you for the story of your lifetime.

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He will start with you.

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So counting not strange, right?

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Like Paul, James said, it's not a strange thing.

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He starts with you and he works his way out.

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All right.

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So who is, tonight is your first time joining us?

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This is you are your first time in phase two.

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Oh, nobody.

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Well, welcome.

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You, Elizabeth.

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I thought you looked new.

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Nice to meet you, Elizabeth.

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I am Ebony Jones.

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I will always, usually, unless I feel in for Carla, I am the coach at 8 p.m.

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Is Yvonna, is that how you say your name?

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The one on the treadmill?

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It's your first time with us tonight?

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Okay.

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Yay.

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So I live in Texas, Austin, Texas.

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I am a third grade reading and English teacher.

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I am out for the summer and so I am filled with energy and so happy.

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Nice to meet you also.

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It's when summertime come when you realize why I teach as a teacher.

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But then when I think about August, I keep thinking, I need another job.

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But yeah, and so I have, I was also a part of this program, maybe about three years ago

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now.

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And so I got to go through the same process that you all get to go through, except for

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having another coach, Jackie was my coach.

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And so, but when you guys get to phase three, you get to see her a whole lot more.

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You're in Texas too.

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Okay, Yvonna, what part of Texas are you in?

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I'm in Cibolo, so it's kind of near New Braunfels and San Antonio.

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Okay.

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All right.

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I'm in Austin.

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Oh, you used to work for a company in Austin.

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Sarah, where are you?

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I'm in Gulf, I'm in Gulfport, Mississippi now, but it was a remote job.

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So I'm from Mississippi, from Lexington, Mississippi.

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Where is that?

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Because I'm originally from Virginia.

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I'm not even from here.

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Okay.

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It's past Jackson, Mississippi, more North of the state, headed toward Memphis, Tennessee

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or-

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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Somewhere up there.

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That's cool.

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It's a restaurant in Gulfport that I really liked to go to two years ago.

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This guy that I was dating, he drove me down there from Texas just to go to that restaurant.

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It's like an Italian restaurant, kind of, sort of, sort of.

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Was it on the beach?

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Yeah.

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Like salute, or it starts with an S?

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Salutes.

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Yeah.

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I've never been there, but I've seen it.

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Oh, it's so good.

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You must go.

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Their food is so good.

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Well, you gave me a good excuse to go, so.

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You should go.

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Yes.

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Anyway, Daniela, is this your first time with us?

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This is my second time, but the first time I wasn't on video.

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Oh, okay.

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Because it's like your name looks a little familiar, but I see names all the time.

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So I get a little, yeah.

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Where are you from?

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I'm from Florida, South Florida.

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Oh, Florida's nice.

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Okay.

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Well, so nice to meet you ladies.

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Be sure to grab you one video a week, and learn from it, and get you little aha moments.

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All of the teachings are so good, they're so amazing, and they're transformative always.

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We want, we're excited to do this journey with you.

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You don't have to have had dates to come into the coaching session.

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It's all about you, and it's about nobody else, and if you're dating, it's about you

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and your date.

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If you're not dating, if you had a problem, just you, school, work, a person, whatever.

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You coming out of the hard work, and now it's time for all the things that you've learned

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to be tested, so you can grow in those muscles, to grow in your healing.

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And so,

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It's going to come every which way.

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But no way hits you like when you're dating a guy.

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It triggers something totally different in you.

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Because the closer a person gets to your heart,

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the more vulnerable you are, the more you're triggered.

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And then things come up.

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And that's why dating is so good for you.

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It's so much fun.

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It's so good for you, because you

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get to see yourself in a way you're not

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going to see yourself when you interact

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with your sister, or your mother, or your father,

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or your brother, or somebody at work.

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Dating triggers a whole different person.

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And you act strange.

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And you don't know why.

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You can't figure out, why am I responding this way?

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You respond this way because you respond

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to those type of relationships a lot differently.

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And so the goal is, ladies, this is to everybody,

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is to grow in the muscles that you

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need the most for the thing that you desire.

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You're in this program because you desire a husband.

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And dating, practicing with someone

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that you would consider, or to grow with into a spouse,

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triggers those areas so that you can grow in your capacity.

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So that when you do get your marriage, or your husband,

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you can stay married.

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Or you can have a peaceful marriage.

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So you can say, we've been married 30 years,

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and it's been a good marriage.

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Or you can be 30 years and be miserable and bitter.

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The years don't determine the quality, OK?

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And so we're here to stretch your capacity for the love

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story that God is writing.

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Because truly, nobody can write it like he can.

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Even when we think a person has checked all the boxes,

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the Lord knows if they have the capacity

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to be a sharpening agent for us to be the very best

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version of ourselves that God has called us to be.

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Because he is the designer of marriage.

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And he created marriage to make you more holy

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than he created to make you happy.

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It is his tool, one of his maturity plans.

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It is the thing that looks most like what

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he has designed between us and him.

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And so marriage is designed to make you more holy than happy.

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And you need to be equipped for that to happen.

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Or you're going to get married, and you're

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going to say, I didn't sign up for this.

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Because you refuse to no longer be selfish.

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You're going to have to come out of being selfish.

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Marriage is a selfless thing, not a selfish thing.

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And so we get stripped of ourself.

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I'm not trying to preach to you, but I just

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want to drive home to you why this is one of the best

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stages that you will ever be in.

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And I want you to jump out there and date so that we can scratch

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up all that stuff and get you ready.

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All right, so watch one video a week.

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Take notes.

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Learn and grow.

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Create your profiles.

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Online dating.

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If you've done it before, you may say, oh, it sucks.

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I don't want to do it again.

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But it won't be the same way this time.

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You pick out, go to the gym.

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Go to places where there are single men.

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Smile when you go into the grocery store.

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Wherever you go, smile and make eye contact.

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Yes, you make eye contact and look at that man

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like you want him to ask for your number because you do.

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You do.

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So hold them eyes right in place.

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Smile long enough for him to know I am available.

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If you brave enough, come.

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Welcome.

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I welcome all contenders until you're no longer welcome.

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Yes, you welcome them.

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All right, so the first place we can do

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start is smile, and don't smile, and turn your head

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as quick as you can.

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Think to yourself, don't say nothing, don't say nothing,

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don't say nothing, don't say nothing.

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No, no, no, no.

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In every man you meet, it's not your husband.

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Most of all of them that you meet are not your husband

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because it only takes one person to be your husband.

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And so I want you to think this way.

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I am meeting someone to get to know them.

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That's it.

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It takes the pressure off, all right?

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Another housekeeping, you guys, don't post things

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from outside sources.

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If you want to post something, share it with admin

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so they can vet it out for you before we get it posted.

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That way we can keep everyone in the community safe.

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When you are, ideally you stay in this phase

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for about five weeks at a minimum.

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You want to come to the coaching sessions.

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You want to watch your videos.

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You get a minimum of five weeks and you participate it

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and you want to go to phase three.

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We are not gatekeeping you and holding you here.

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You can just send an email to admin at Jackie.com.

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Is it, that's what it is, yeah.

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Send to admin at JackieDorman.com.

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Ask them, just say on your email,

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hey, may I be, can you transition me to phase three?

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Or I forgot the new name of it.

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I want to be transitioned over to phase three.

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But you don't have to be in a hurry.

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You can stay here with me a little while longer.

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This is a wonderful phase.

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It's a smaller group.

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And because it's a smaller group,

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that means you will get a little bit more, you know,

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of this when you get into the next phase.

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It's amazing.

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I want you to go over there.

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It's fun and it's exciting.

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It has so many wonderful things there for you,

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but it is a much larger pool.

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And so it's a lot more going on, but it's fun.

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So I think you'll like it all.

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It's a wonderful program.

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Jackie has done an amazing job with this program.

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Let's see what else I wanna say.

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That's all I wanna say.

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How did you guys do last week?

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Did anyone shift from receiving

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to what were the modes we talked about?

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Shift from expectation to receiving

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or anybody who was sitting dormant,

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waiting on an Amazon package to come to your door

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in the form of a man of your dreams

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to doing something different,

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like getting to an acting or moving or doing something mode.

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Did we switch any kind of modes last week?

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For anyone, this is your first time.

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We had a activation every week that we do

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or every two weeks.

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And so this was one of them,

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switching the mode that we're in.

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Most of us agreed that we were waiting

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for Amazon package man.

261
00:10:50.160 --> 00:10:52.000
And because we were in the waiting mode,

262
00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:54.000
we decided to move into a different mode,

263
00:10:54.000 --> 00:10:57.060
maybe like a partnership mode, right?

264
00:10:57.620 --> 00:11:00.140
Nobody, no hands, cool.

265
00:11:00.140 --> 00:11:02.820
Next thing, that's cause I'm excited to coach y'all tonight

266
00:11:02.820 --> 00:11:04.180
and I'm excited to say what I have to say

267
00:11:04.180 --> 00:11:06.540
so you can have more time to say what you need to say.

268
00:11:06.540 --> 00:11:07.660
Where's the tracking number?

269
00:11:07.660 --> 00:11:10.780
Exactly, Lauren, we need the tracking number.

270
00:11:11.700 --> 00:11:13.980
All right, and ladies, I'm gonna tell you something.

271
00:11:13.980 --> 00:11:15.900
All of you guys may know someone

272
00:11:15.900 --> 00:11:17.540
and it's gonna sound like if I knew someone,

273
00:11:17.540 --> 00:11:18.520
I'll be with them.

274
00:11:18.520 --> 00:11:19.360
That's not true.

275
00:11:19.360 --> 00:11:21.120
You may know somebody who's not a best fit for you,

276
00:11:21.120 --> 00:11:22.180
but they may be a best fit

277
00:11:22.180 --> 00:11:23.900
for some of the ladies in this group.

278
00:11:23.900 --> 00:11:24.780
How about you?

279
00:11:24.780 --> 00:11:26.600
Tell us about them, sign them up,

280
00:11:27.120 --> 00:11:28.480
tell them to sign up for the program.

281
00:11:28.480 --> 00:11:30.560
And if you do tell somebody to sign up for the program,

282
00:11:30.560 --> 00:11:32.880
I want you guys to remember that you get $75

283
00:11:32.880 --> 00:11:34.980
for everybody that you refer.

284
00:11:34.980 --> 00:11:37.040
So you need to give them the referral code

285
00:11:37.040 --> 00:11:39.440
before you let them sign up, okay?

286
00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:41.260
And you just go to our resources tab

287
00:11:41.260 --> 00:11:43.720
and that information will be under there for you.

288
00:11:45.440 --> 00:11:47.600
Let's talk about things from Supernatural.

289
00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:48.840
Oh, this is one thing I wanna do.

290
00:11:48.840 --> 00:11:50.840
Someone said this in the community

291
00:11:50.840 --> 00:11:53.040
that they need to make communities, they need friends.

292
00:11:53.040 --> 00:11:56.560
You guys feel free to post up your information in the chat

293
00:11:57.400 --> 00:12:00.240
and you ladies get to know each other, okay?

294
00:12:00.240 --> 00:12:01.560
You can always do that.

295
00:12:02.800 --> 00:12:04.460
Find out who's in your area.

296
00:12:05.320 --> 00:12:08.320
Yeah, you could go ahead and raise your hand, Sarah.

297
00:12:08.320 --> 00:12:09.980
I'll write your name down.

298
00:12:12.920 --> 00:12:14.960
If you caught Supernatural Saturday,

299
00:12:14.960 --> 00:12:16.400
you know what Jackie talked about.

300
00:12:16.400 --> 00:12:18.400
If you didn't, we're gonna talk about it right now

301
00:12:18.400 --> 00:12:19.320
because I made some notes

302
00:12:19.320 --> 00:12:21.560
that I think are gonna be really good for you ladies.

303
00:12:21.560 --> 00:12:24.520
So tell me this, who...

304
00:12:25.400 --> 00:12:28.040
Oh, that was you for the friend chat, okay.

305
00:12:28.040 --> 00:12:31.080
Who has a 3 a.m. friend?

306
00:12:31.080 --> 00:12:32.520
You know what a 3 a.m. friend?

307
00:12:32.520 --> 00:12:35.960
3 a.m. friend is a friend that you can call for anything

308
00:12:35.960 --> 00:12:39.200
and wake them up because you need them, it's an emergency.

309
00:12:39.200 --> 00:12:41.920
Do we all have 3 a.m. friends?

310
00:12:41.920 --> 00:12:44.120
Okay, if we don't have 3 a.m. friends,

311
00:12:44.120 --> 00:12:45.840
why don't we have 3 a.m. friends

312
00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:48.560
and I want you to get your 3 a.m. friend.

313
00:12:48.560 --> 00:12:51.240
Yes, yes, I see hands coming up.

314
00:12:52.120 --> 00:12:55.600
Okay, everybody needs a 3 a.m. friend.

315
00:12:55.600 --> 00:12:57.640
If you don't have one, a 3 a.m. friend,

316
00:12:57.640 --> 00:12:59.960
how many of you guys want a 3 a.m. friend?

317
00:13:02.040 --> 00:13:06.920
If you don't, you want one, yeah.

318
00:13:08.840 --> 00:13:12.160
I've always wanted to be somebody's 3 a.m. friend

319
00:13:12.160 --> 00:13:15.640
and so what I did was I created,

320
00:13:15.640 --> 00:13:18.040
I led a singles ministry at my church

321
00:13:19.400 --> 00:13:21.040
and the first thing I did was made sure

322
00:13:21.840 --> 00:13:24.280
that they exchanged, they exchanged

323
00:13:24.280 --> 00:13:27.840
and started getting to know each other outside of the group

324
00:13:27.840 --> 00:13:29.760
so that when they need their medication,

325
00:13:29.760 --> 00:13:32.160
somebody go get their medication for them.

326
00:13:32.160 --> 00:13:35.160
You know, it's not worth it living, in my opinion,

327
00:13:35.160 --> 00:13:37.360
living an isolated, lonely life.

328
00:13:38.840 --> 00:13:43.840
It's not fun and it's worth the disappointment for me.

329
00:13:44.600 --> 00:13:49.120
I am a seeker of all things gold, G-O-L-D,

330
00:13:49.160 --> 00:13:50.960
and so I often dig out the gold

331
00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:52.600
in the people that I'm around

332
00:13:52.600 --> 00:13:55.400
because I believe that it's goodness in everyone

333
00:13:55.400 --> 00:13:57.280
and so I seek all things good

334
00:13:57.280 --> 00:13:59.760
and I actually pursue friendships

335
00:13:59.760 --> 00:14:02.200
and if I find somebody around me that has some gold

336
00:14:02.200 --> 00:14:05.280
that I want, I pursue them and I openly pursue them.

337
00:14:05.280 --> 00:14:07.280
I tell them that I'm pursuing them by saying,

338
00:14:07.280 --> 00:14:09.120
hey, you seem like a great person.

339
00:14:09.120 --> 00:14:10.520
I really wanna get to know you.

340
00:14:10.520 --> 00:14:12.400
When can we schedule a coffee date?

341
00:14:12.400 --> 00:14:14.760
I do it all the time and I don't waste any time doing it

342
00:14:14.760 --> 00:14:17.960
because I see good and I'm like, I want that in my life

343
00:14:17.960 --> 00:14:19.880
and then when they, if I really want them

344
00:14:19.880 --> 00:14:21.080
and they say they're gonna come down,

345
00:14:21.080 --> 00:14:23.960
sure, but I keep on doing it for a little while

346
00:14:23.960 --> 00:14:25.680
because I don't really care

347
00:14:25.680 --> 00:14:27.920
and I figure once they find out how amazing I am,

348
00:14:27.920 --> 00:14:29.960
they're gonna wanna stick around anyway

349
00:14:29.960 --> 00:14:31.960
and so I pursue people.

350
00:14:31.960 --> 00:14:33.400
If you don't have friends,

351
00:14:33.400 --> 00:14:35.760
I wanna encourage you to start pursuing people

352
00:14:35.760 --> 00:14:39.520
in friendship, okay?

353
00:14:39.520 --> 00:14:42.680
I want you to pursue people in friendship.

354
00:14:42.680 --> 00:14:46.280
So, this ties into what we're talking about.

355
00:14:46.280 --> 00:14:48.200
I like how you're putting your contact information

356
00:14:48.200 --> 00:14:49.440
in the chat, ladies.

357
00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:52.160
This is what we're gonna talk about just for,

358
00:14:52.160 --> 00:14:55.600
it's almost, oh, I wanna stick it to five minutes.

359
00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:59.160
All right, so this is what I want you guys to post

360
00:14:59.160 --> 00:15:00.000
in the chat.

361
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.880
You can take it out for your speaker and unmute yourself

362
00:15:02.880 --> 00:15:03.840
and say it.

363
00:15:03.840 --> 00:15:07.560
What excites you most about being married?

364
00:15:07.560 --> 00:15:10.960
What excites you most about being married?

365
00:15:10.960 --> 00:15:12.680
Is it someone to seek the Lord with,

366
00:15:12.680 --> 00:15:14.520
someone to read your Bible with?

367
00:15:14.520 --> 00:15:17.000
Is it someone to have deep connection and friendship with?

368
00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:19.560
Is it emotional, physical intimacy?

369
00:15:19.560 --> 00:15:22.280
Is it someone to share the likes of downs with?

370
00:15:22.280 --> 00:15:24.120
Is it financial support?

371
00:15:24.120 --> 00:15:26.880
Is it someone you can have all your own?

372
00:15:26.920 --> 00:15:30.720
What excites you most about marriage?

373
00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:33.120
Emotional intimacy, Liz, okay?

374
00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:36.800
Yeah, I think having somebody to share life

375
00:15:36.800 --> 00:15:41.800
and do all of the mundane and in and out,

376
00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:47.080
be with each other through everything together.

377
00:15:47.080 --> 00:15:49.000
Yeah, okay.

378
00:15:49.000 --> 00:15:52.400
Having a teammate in life to accomplish things together.

379
00:15:52.400 --> 00:15:53.240
All right.

380
00:15:53.240 --> 00:15:55.360
All of the above, okay.

381
00:15:57.880 --> 00:15:59.720
Partnership.

382
00:15:59.720 --> 00:16:01.040
And if your hand is up for this,

383
00:16:01.040 --> 00:16:02.920
and I don't know, cause it's just hands up,

384
00:16:02.920 --> 00:16:05.520
you can just unmute and go for it.

385
00:16:05.520 --> 00:16:08.600
Being able to grow in holiness, love and be loved.

386
00:16:08.600 --> 00:16:10.160
Yes, to receive in the feminine,

387
00:16:10.160 --> 00:16:12.680
so well to love him well.

388
00:16:12.680 --> 00:16:14.640
Good, that was worded so well.

389
00:16:17.080 --> 00:16:18.840
Being able to grow in holiness.

390
00:16:18.840 --> 00:16:21.160
Are you as ready, honey?

391
00:16:21.160 --> 00:16:22.840
Oh, wee!

392
00:16:23.960 --> 00:16:25.960
Building kingdom with partnership.

393
00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:29.640
Yes, someone emotional, someone emotional.

394
00:16:29.640 --> 00:16:31.520
Sheila, I want you to raise your hand today

395
00:16:31.520 --> 00:16:33.080
because I need to know who you dating.

396
00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:34.240
We need an update.

397
00:16:34.240 --> 00:16:36.320
Being able to do all fun things together

398
00:16:36.320 --> 00:16:37.640
and serving the Lord together.

399
00:16:37.640 --> 00:16:39.800
Someone to seek the Lord with and do ministry.

400
00:16:39.800 --> 00:16:42.200
Yes, emotional, physical intimacy,

401
00:16:42.200 --> 00:16:44.560
have an apartment to grow in purpose with,

402
00:16:44.560 --> 00:16:48.560
doing life together, companionship, growing together.

403
00:16:48.560 --> 00:16:50.080
Yes.

404
00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:52.320
Yes, all of these are wonderful things

405
00:16:52.320 --> 00:16:54.920
and these are all healthy things.

406
00:16:54.920 --> 00:16:56.800
I think they're amazing things.

407
00:16:58.680 --> 00:17:01.720
Now, out of the things that you listed,

408
00:17:06.520 --> 00:17:10.000
let's narrow down those things that you can do

409
00:17:11.760 --> 00:17:12.880
without a husband.

410
00:17:19.520 --> 00:17:20.920
Or out of the list, let me read,

411
00:17:20.920 --> 00:17:23.359
let me question it differently.

412
00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:24.839
What is something you,

413
00:17:24.839 --> 00:17:27.400
what is something out of the things you listed?

414
00:17:29.440 --> 00:17:31.320
What is the thing that you can do

415
00:17:31.320 --> 00:17:33.320
that doesn't require a husband?

416
00:17:33.320 --> 00:17:35.600
Out of those things you listed?

417
00:17:35.600 --> 00:17:37.640
Does that make sense when I'm asking?

418
00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:39.600
So naturally, physical intimacy.

419
00:17:41.400 --> 00:17:45.360
You need a husband to do that with, right?

420
00:17:45.360 --> 00:17:47.960
But out of all the other things we have listed here,

421
00:17:48.880 --> 00:17:53.280
do you need a husband to do them with?

422
00:17:55.440 --> 00:17:57.160
I know you wanna do them with a man.

423
00:17:57.160 --> 00:17:58.760
Don't think that way.

424
00:17:58.760 --> 00:18:01.360
I want you to think the way I'm asking you to think.

425
00:18:01.360 --> 00:18:04.560
What can you do that doesn't require a husband?

426
00:18:06.440 --> 00:18:08.920
You can do a lot of things without a husband,

427
00:18:08.920 --> 00:18:12.240
but it's not as much fun.

428
00:18:12.240 --> 00:18:14.920
It's sometimes you need four hands

429
00:18:14.920 --> 00:18:17.160
rather than just two hands.

430
00:18:17.360 --> 00:18:19.400
So you don't need a husband?

431
00:18:19.400 --> 00:18:22.200
Yeah, and sometimes you just want a conversation

432
00:18:22.200 --> 00:18:24.840
rather than just talking to yourself all day long.

433
00:18:26.920 --> 00:18:31.120
So yeah, I can be totally independent,

434
00:18:31.120 --> 00:18:34.640
and that's been most of my life is independent.

435
00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:36.760
I don't wanna be independent.

436
00:18:36.760 --> 00:18:38.080
Okay.

437
00:18:38.080 --> 00:18:40.200
Well, okay, Juanita, thank you for sharing,

438
00:18:40.200 --> 00:18:43.720
but that's not technically my question or where I'm going.

439
00:18:43.720 --> 00:18:45.640
I don't want you ladies to feel like I'm asking you

440
00:18:45.680 --> 00:18:47.400
to defend why you want a husband.

441
00:18:49.360 --> 00:18:52.200
What I really do want is the things that you listed,

442
00:18:52.200 --> 00:18:54.720
what are those things that don't require a husband?

443
00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:57.280
I'm not putting some responsibility back on you

444
00:18:57.280 --> 00:18:58.800
like you can do it on your own.

445
00:18:58.800 --> 00:19:01.520
That's not the point of this session.

446
00:19:02.640 --> 00:19:04.080
What are the things that we listed

447
00:19:04.080 --> 00:19:06.040
that just they require a husband

448
00:19:06.040 --> 00:19:07.760
and everything else that doesn't require?

449
00:19:07.760 --> 00:19:09.720
So we know physical intimacy.

450
00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:15.280
Yep, we can still grow, seek the Lord with others.

451
00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:16.920
It doesn't have to be our husband.

452
00:19:16.920 --> 00:19:18.320
We can definitely accomplish things

453
00:19:18.320 --> 00:19:19.880
with friends and community.

454
00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:22.160
You can do life and be fulfilled without a husband.

455
00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:23.000
That's true.

456
00:19:23.000 --> 00:19:24.680
You can serve the Lord without a husband.

457
00:19:24.680 --> 00:19:27.080
You can do fun things with other people too.

458
00:19:27.080 --> 00:19:28.440
So there's not many things.

459
00:19:28.440 --> 00:19:29.440
This is what I'm getting at.

460
00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:31.200
So y'all won't feel scared and shaking.

461
00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:32.560
We want you to have a husband.

462
00:19:32.560 --> 00:19:33.800
This is not that group.

463
00:19:35.360 --> 00:19:40.120
You can do all of these things that you listed

464
00:19:40.120 --> 00:19:41.760
except physical intimacy.

465
00:19:42.680 --> 00:19:45.040
You can do everything else without a husband.

466
00:19:46.800 --> 00:19:51.800
And so on Saturday, Jackie talked about us believing

467
00:19:51.880 --> 00:19:54.600
that marriage will cure our loneliness.

468
00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:58.640
We believe that if we just get married,

469
00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:00.360
a lot of times we were relegated.

470
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.160
All these things that we want to when I get married, you ever heard somebody say I'm gonna buy a house when I get married

471
00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:08.720
I'm gonna do this when I get married

472
00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:11.920
Everything is when I get married

473
00:20:12.760 --> 00:20:15.600
But God did not create marriage to cure our loneliness

474
00:20:16.600 --> 00:20:19.160
Nor that he create marriage to be our end-all be-all

475
00:20:20.360 --> 00:20:26.980
But he created community for loneliness. The Bible says that he puts the lonely in family

476
00:20:26.980 --> 00:20:34.820
Don't mean family don't mean a husband and children family means community people around you and so the whole point of this was

477
00:20:35.340 --> 00:20:40.380
Whatever the order of those things that you're desiring in marriage marriage doesn't fix it

478
00:20:40.380 --> 00:20:44.980
You know a lot of times we believe that if I get a husband I have somebody to seek the Lord with what if he?

479
00:20:44.980 --> 00:20:46.980
Don't want to seek the Lord with you

480
00:20:46.980 --> 00:20:51.500
What if he don't want to pray with you? Is it a rule in your house that he got to pray with you?

481
00:20:52.860 --> 00:20:55.500
This is a righteous man. He's a righteous man

482
00:20:55.500 --> 00:20:58.380
This is a righteous man. He don't need you to pray with him

483
00:20:59.660 --> 00:21:01.660
It would be nice, but you don't have to

484
00:21:03.940 --> 00:21:07.580
Do you know how many times do you get married so some things are fantasies

485
00:21:07.940 --> 00:21:12.300
We create a fantasy about what marriage is gonna be like we're gonna wake up every morning

486
00:21:12.300 --> 00:21:15.780
We're gonna read our devotional together. What if you don't want to read his devotional with you?

487
00:21:15.780 --> 00:21:18.020
What if you don't want to read your devotional with him?

488
00:21:18.300 --> 00:21:22.580
What if the Lord calls you to pray at 3 a.m. And you go lay on your face and seek him?

489
00:21:23.380 --> 00:21:28.540
Because you have your own relationship with the Lord you have your own intimacy with your father

490
00:21:32.660 --> 00:21:37.060
Right, what what if he has a different schedule and he seeks the Lord differently

491
00:21:37.060 --> 00:21:40.460
What if he likes to seek the Lord when he gets in his car and go to work in the morning?

492
00:21:40.460 --> 00:21:44.100
And what if he doesn't read, you know want to sit down and read the Bible with you

493
00:21:44.100 --> 00:21:46.380
He liked to study it back on his own time

494
00:21:46.540 --> 00:21:52.460
What are you gonna do when he says I want to be my own person not the person that you fantasize about while you were waiting

495
00:21:52.460 --> 00:21:54.460
for a husband and

496
00:21:55.180 --> 00:22:00.780
You're gonna be sitting there because you put every expectation or hope that you had into this man when he comes

497
00:22:01.820 --> 00:22:03.900
This is not the story for everybody

498
00:22:03.900 --> 00:22:05.740
Some of them have has very active life

499
00:22:05.740 --> 00:22:11.020
But we do want to be mindful about what we're waiting on this man to come and fulfilling us and then we have these

500
00:22:11.380 --> 00:22:14.620
Expectations and things he never told us he would do so I've been married before

501
00:22:15.140 --> 00:22:21.340
And I'm divorced and I should tell my ex-husband you supposed to he said who told you that I?

502
00:22:22.260 --> 00:22:25.980
Like what you supposed to do this cuz you this you supposed to oh, babe

503
00:22:25.980 --> 00:22:30.420
I had a whole list of everything he was supposed to do cuz he was my husband

504
00:22:30.420 --> 00:22:33.900
He was supposed to do it one day. He turned around to me while he's taking out the dress

505
00:22:33.900 --> 00:22:38.060
He said who told you that and I said who told me what?

506
00:22:39.620 --> 00:22:44.580
Who told you that I'm supposed to do that I said don't I have to tell me what you're supposed to do

507
00:22:44.580 --> 00:22:46.620
I know what you're supposed to do because you're a man

508
00:22:51.340 --> 00:22:56.260
But the truth is I had all these expectations that I had laid up for this man

509
00:22:56.260 --> 00:22:59.300
I have been dreaming about it for years with my husband gonna be like

510
00:22:59.900 --> 00:23:04.340
Do you know how hurt I was when I found out he didn't want to drive me everywhere

511
00:23:05.060 --> 00:23:09.980
Do you know how hurt I was when I found out he didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with my family and we was gonna do

512
00:23:09.980 --> 00:23:11.700
Christmas with his family

513
00:23:11.700 --> 00:23:15.300
Do you know I heard I wasn't he didn't want to read devotionals with me. I

514
00:23:16.700 --> 00:23:19.980
Had had these expectations for years of my husband

515
00:23:21.340 --> 00:23:23.760
How we will sit at the table and eat dinner together

516
00:23:25.340 --> 00:23:30.780
All of the things I had planned and to find out he was his own person

517
00:23:33.740 --> 00:23:35.740
How dare he be an individual

518
00:23:38.100 --> 00:23:42.340
So what I'm saying to us tonight and just kind of you know

519
00:23:43.140 --> 00:23:47.540
Reiterate some of the things that Jackie said you guys we have to build community

520
00:23:47.540 --> 00:23:51.420
Even when you get married you have to be a community you need community

521
00:23:51.420 --> 00:23:57.740
You need someone's ideas this idea that we're gonna bring all these ideas that bubble up and those from the Lord share with our husband

522
00:23:57.740 --> 00:23:59.740
He's gonna be our best friend. He should be your friend

523
00:24:00.300 --> 00:24:03.860
But they believe that he's gonna always want to listen to everything you have to share

524
00:24:04.060 --> 00:24:08.700
everything that you have to say you're not gonna want to always listen to everything that he has to share and everything that he

525
00:24:08.700 --> 00:24:11.200
Wants to say but you do have friends that you can call

526
00:24:11.360 --> 00:24:13.360
That

527
00:24:13.600 --> 00:24:16.600
You will build a community before you say I do and

528
00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:20.640
You have to build a community after you find out he relaying into you like this

529
00:24:21.560 --> 00:24:26.520
Like into you like he wants to do everything you want to do when you want to do it how you want to do it

530
00:24:26.520 --> 00:24:30.480
And so the encouragement is to build your own community

531
00:24:31.120 --> 00:24:35.400
One of the things we found out is and I don't want this to be like I'm not trying to just like

532
00:24:35.720 --> 00:24:42.120
Keep talking talking, but a lot of times we get on dates and we say to ourselves what I can't help it

533
00:24:42.120 --> 00:24:44.120
I'm just deep like that

534
00:24:44.200 --> 00:24:49.840
Could it be the truth is that you don't have anybody to share your wisdom with and so every time you get with somebody you

535
00:24:49.840 --> 00:24:54.840
Start spilling everything that you know, and you put it on that you're deep. You're not that deep

536
00:24:55.360 --> 00:25:00.080
You need community so that you can give your wisdom to people who you

537
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.200
you know, value your wisdom.

538
00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:06.200
The Bible says that we don't spill our pearl before swine,

539
00:25:06.200 --> 00:25:08.320
that they may trample over it.

540
00:25:08.320 --> 00:25:09.680
And when you have community,

541
00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:11.280
you have people that you can share with

542
00:25:11.280 --> 00:25:13.880
that value what you carry.

543
00:25:13.880 --> 00:25:16.280
They honor you for the goodness on the inside of you

544
00:25:16.280 --> 00:25:18.320
and they seek it out.

545
00:25:18.320 --> 00:25:20.220
Did you know just because you get married

546
00:25:20.220 --> 00:25:23.320
doesn't mean your husband wants the wisdom that you carry

547
00:25:23.320 --> 00:25:26.020
until you've proven to him that you do carry wisdom,

548
00:25:26.020 --> 00:25:29.120
that you are honorable and integrous in all your ways,

549
00:25:29.160 --> 00:25:30.160
that when you get angry,

550
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:31.640
you don't blow up and go off on him

551
00:25:31.640 --> 00:25:34.260
and then turn around and then try to be kind and nice.

552
00:25:34.260 --> 00:25:36.180
Like men like to watch and observe

553
00:25:36.180 --> 00:25:38.480
and then they seek you out for your wisdom.

554
00:25:38.480 --> 00:25:39.480
They don't want your wisdom

555
00:25:39.480 --> 00:25:41.400
just because everybody at your church wants your wisdom.

556
00:25:41.400 --> 00:25:45.120
Everybody says that, oh, you just, ah, you're so amazing.

557
00:25:45.120 --> 00:25:47.400
And you hear from the Lord and you prophesied

558
00:25:47.400 --> 00:25:49.360
all these wonderful things and accolades

559
00:25:49.360 --> 00:25:51.960
that you've gotten all of your life before you met him.

560
00:25:51.960 --> 00:25:54.800
It doesn't mean that he knows that woman yet.

561
00:25:55.800 --> 00:25:59.840
And so that's why we learn to build relationships

562
00:25:59.840 --> 00:26:01.640
in a healthy way.

563
00:26:01.640 --> 00:26:04.080
And we don't spill all our pearl before swine.

564
00:26:04.080 --> 00:26:07.080
We don't sit down at the table with a stranger

565
00:26:07.080 --> 00:26:08.560
and say everything we know.

566
00:26:10.560 --> 00:26:13.600
And then, you know, wonder why we're, you know,

567
00:26:13.600 --> 00:26:15.560
we don't connect that way or, you know,

568
00:26:15.560 --> 00:26:17.040
all of these different things.

569
00:26:17.040 --> 00:26:19.720
So all I'm saying is that we need community

570
00:26:19.720 --> 00:26:22.640
and now's the time to start building community

571
00:26:23.640 --> 00:26:27.480
because that's why God gave us community and people.

572
00:26:27.480 --> 00:26:30.160
And if you have a hard time making friends,

573
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:31.920
you want to ask the question of yourself,

574
00:26:31.920 --> 00:26:34.320
why do I have a hard time making friends?

575
00:26:38.440 --> 00:26:41.040
If you have a hard time making friends before you say I do,

576
00:26:41.040 --> 00:26:44.080
you're going to expect your husband to be your friend.

577
00:26:44.080 --> 00:26:46.040
And you're going to say, sometimes we think,

578
00:26:46.040 --> 00:26:46.880
I don't need anybody else.

579
00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:49.560
When I get married, I'm going to have my husband

580
00:26:49.560 --> 00:26:50.640
and we're going to have our children.

581
00:26:50.640 --> 00:26:51.760
I'm going to have my family.

582
00:26:51.800 --> 00:26:53.880
What are you going to do when your children want friends

583
00:26:53.880 --> 00:26:56.080
and they don't want to be your friend no more?

584
00:26:56.080 --> 00:26:57.680
They tired of being your friend.

585
00:26:58.600 --> 00:26:59.440
I'm serious.

586
00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:01.720
Like people have their own autonomy.

587
00:27:01.720 --> 00:27:04.520
Like they want their own life and their own world.

588
00:27:04.520 --> 00:27:05.760
And nothing is going to be different

589
00:27:05.760 --> 00:27:07.200
between you and your husband.

590
00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:09.800
If you get a husband that wants you to be his everything,

591
00:27:09.800 --> 00:27:11.280
it's going to feel a little good at first,

592
00:27:11.280 --> 00:27:12.840
but then they're going to quickly wear out

593
00:27:12.840 --> 00:27:15.600
because you cannot be anybody's everything.

594
00:27:15.600 --> 00:27:17.440
And if a person wants you to be their everything,

595
00:27:17.440 --> 00:27:19.400
that means they are in a deficit.

596
00:27:20.240 --> 00:27:23.160
They're in a deficit and they want you to meet their need

597
00:27:23.160 --> 00:27:24.640
and feel their need.

598
00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:26.320
And you were not yet suffocating.

599
00:27:26.320 --> 00:27:28.080
You weren't created to do that.

600
00:27:28.080 --> 00:27:29.760
That is Jesus's job.

601
00:27:31.720 --> 00:27:34.280
So that's the whole point of that.

602
00:27:34.280 --> 00:27:35.120
All right.

603
00:27:35.120 --> 00:27:37.400
Any questions, any thoughts about that ladies?

604
00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:40.040
Please ask, please talk.

605
00:27:40.040 --> 00:27:41.760
I want to hear it.

606
00:27:41.760 --> 00:27:42.640
All right.

607
00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:45.320
Now we're open up for coaching.

608
00:27:45.320 --> 00:27:46.880
You can talk about anything you want.

609
00:27:46.880 --> 00:27:48.200
Ask any question that you want.

610
00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:50.480
It doesn't have to be about anything that we talked about.

611
00:27:50.480 --> 00:27:52.880
It could be what you think is completely off topic.

612
00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:54.680
I want you to go for it.

613
00:27:54.680 --> 00:27:55.520
All right.

614
00:27:55.520 --> 00:27:56.800
And tonight I'm going to be on task.

615
00:27:56.800 --> 00:27:59.080
So you guys take a minute to share

616
00:27:59.080 --> 00:28:02.360
and I'll try to take two, three minutes to coach.

617
00:28:02.360 --> 00:28:03.200
If it gets better,

618
00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:05.400
if it's a really a good thing that everybody can learn from,

619
00:28:05.400 --> 00:28:07.360
I may take a little bit more time.

620
00:28:07.360 --> 00:28:08.440
Make sense?

621
00:28:08.440 --> 00:28:09.760
So start with one question.

622
00:28:09.760 --> 00:28:10.600
If you have two,

623
00:28:10.600 --> 00:28:13.400
then we'll come back around for the second one.

624
00:28:13.400 --> 00:28:14.720
Okay.

625
00:28:14.720 --> 00:28:16.680
Your children can't wait to find your spirit mate.

626
00:28:16.680 --> 00:28:17.520
Amen.

627
00:28:17.560 --> 00:28:18.920
Get rid of these parents.

628
00:28:18.920 --> 00:28:19.760
I'm sorry.

629
00:28:19.760 --> 00:28:20.600
Go Sarah.

630
00:28:22.600 --> 00:28:23.880
Okay.

631
00:28:23.880 --> 00:28:24.800
I'm like so excited.

632
00:28:24.800 --> 00:28:25.640
I was like,

633
00:28:25.640 --> 00:28:28.560
I got to raise my hand so I can get an opportunity.

634
00:28:28.560 --> 00:28:30.080
And I'm like over here stuffing my face.

635
00:28:30.080 --> 00:28:31.080
Okay.

636
00:28:31.080 --> 00:28:34.720
I want to process this experience.

637
00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:36.440
So I went,

638
00:28:36.440 --> 00:28:39.320
I met like matched with someone on an app.

639
00:28:39.320 --> 00:28:41.840
Great conversation through the week.

640
00:28:41.840 --> 00:28:45.120
Met him for a first date on Sunday.

641
00:28:45.120 --> 00:28:47.320
And this was the first time in a really long time.

642
00:28:48.120 --> 00:28:49.560
So I was married for 10 years and all of that.

643
00:28:49.560 --> 00:28:52.040
So I've been there and gotten that fun t-shirt.

644
00:28:52.040 --> 00:28:53.200
But anyways,

645
00:28:53.200 --> 00:28:56.480
this is like the first time in a really long,

646
00:28:56.480 --> 00:29:00.080
long time that I actually was genuinely very excited

647
00:29:00.080 --> 00:29:00.920
to meet someone.

648
00:29:00.920 --> 00:29:02.680
Just based off of like our conversations

649
00:29:02.680 --> 00:29:04.200
that we had through the week.

650
00:29:04.200 --> 00:29:06.240
And it went really well.

651
00:29:06.240 --> 00:29:11.240
But I used to really struggle with an anxious attachment.

652
00:29:11.280 --> 00:29:12.920
And I'm like today,

653
00:29:12.920 --> 00:29:15.640
his communication started to shift and kind of change.

654
00:29:15.640 --> 00:29:19.040
And I noticed myself getting all up in my head about it.

655
00:29:19.040 --> 00:29:20.360
And I was aware of it,

656
00:29:20.360 --> 00:29:21.560
but it's so annoying.

657
00:29:21.560 --> 00:29:24.120
And it's so uncomfortable because you're like,

658
00:29:24.120 --> 00:29:26.120
I was literally trying to talk myself off the ledge.

659
00:29:26.120 --> 00:29:26.960
I'm like, Sarah,

660
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:28.600
you've met the guy once.

661
00:29:28.600 --> 00:29:31.000
Like I'm trying to talk the logical part of my brain

662
00:29:31.000 --> 00:29:32.400
to the emotional part of my brain.

663
00:29:32.400 --> 00:29:34.200
Like, come on.

664
00:29:34.200 --> 00:29:36.320
But it's just, it's still there.

665
00:29:36.320 --> 00:29:39.840
And then you said something a couple of weeks ago

666
00:29:39.840 --> 00:29:42.280
to somebody like about the communication.

667
00:29:42.280 --> 00:29:44.400
If they were kind of like pulling back to maybe,

668
00:29:44.400 --> 00:29:45.800
I don't know, do the same,

669
00:29:45.800 --> 00:29:50.800
but I don't, I just didn't really,

670
00:29:51.080 --> 00:29:53.880
I was very uncomfortable with that.

671
00:29:53.880 --> 00:29:55.720
And yeah.

672
00:29:55.720 --> 00:29:56.560
So.

673
00:29:56.560 --> 00:29:57.920
Yeah.

674
00:29:57.920 --> 00:30:00.160
So what do you mean?

675
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:11.280
he y'all met when did y'all meet? Sunday. Online? We met like in person. Okay so this is my you met

676
00:30:11.280 --> 00:30:17.520
online and you met them in person on Sunday and y'all went out for? Dinner. Dinner okay and the

677
00:30:17.520 --> 00:30:25.360
dinner date went well? It did. Okay and did you guys talk after dinner? Text? Talk? Yeah well so

678
00:30:25.360 --> 00:30:30.160
we well not really after dinner because it was time to like go to bed we both had to work the

679
00:30:30.160 --> 00:30:38.480
next day but I talked yesterday evening and I asked him like so what are your thoughts like

680
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:42.880
after having like time to sleep on it and process he's like I thought that was like a really great

681
00:30:42.880 --> 00:30:50.880
date. Okay. And I was like yeah me too like I definitely want to see you again. Okay. So

682
00:30:50.880 --> 00:30:58.000
so I made sure to like make that known but I just saw myself getting kind of in my head today

683
00:30:59.200 --> 00:31:06.080
because you haven't heard from him. No I had but it was really long this is why I told you

684
00:31:06.080 --> 00:31:09.760
girl my anxious like the anxious little monsters are like coming back out again

685
00:31:10.720 --> 00:31:16.240
I know this isn't healthy. It's okay Sarah it's okay this is a part of the journey.

686
00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:21.440
My god bless America like when you said there's certain triggers that come out I was like yep.

687
00:31:22.400 --> 00:31:27.520
So did you reach out to him today and then he responded to you? Or did he reach out to you?

688
00:31:27.520 --> 00:31:34.640
He said good morning first so I responded and usually I mean again we've only been talking

689
00:31:34.640 --> 00:31:41.040
like texting for you know a week but usually I would hear from him at least once which I told him

690
00:31:41.760 --> 00:31:46.880
on our date that his way of communicating is very refreshing because I did I didn't go into

691
00:31:46.880 --> 00:31:52.160
my history of my past relationship but I did come from a very suffocating relationship so I do find

692
00:31:52.160 --> 00:31:59.200
his like style of like not being like up my butt all the time like very refreshing but at the same

693
00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:04.320
time I'm like okay like you could be a little more like right I mean like so I didn't hear

694
00:32:04.320 --> 00:32:08.640
from him all day and I usually would like once like just a little response and then we both go

695
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:15.520
back to work but I just saw myself getting in my head and then I even went the route of like

696
00:32:16.320 --> 00:32:20.160
looking on bumble because I'm like wonder if he's just like not telling me he's not interested.

697
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:24.400
When I tell you like all the insecure feelings and thoughts coming up in my head were there

698
00:32:25.120 --> 00:32:32.400
they were and it was very like uncomfortable. I know well I'm glad that you're having this

699
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:38.960
experience because you get to deal with it by working like to say okay this is uncomfortable

700
00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:43.680
and then tell yourself a different narrative even if you go down the road of figuring something

701
00:32:43.680 --> 00:32:49.280
else out you have to tell yourself a different narrative because there's no way to it's there's

702
00:32:49.280 --> 00:32:55.920
no escaping what's in you but there is a way of changing how you think of what comes up and the

703
00:32:55.920 --> 00:33:00.480
fact that you can recognize that it comes up tells you that you you've made a lot of growth.

704
00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:05.440
See sometimes we think because we feel something it comes up something's wrong with it no it's

705
00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:12.160
coming up so you can deal with it a new way than in the past. I am proud of the growth because like

706
00:33:12.160 --> 00:33:16.400
I said I know I used to be very so it's like at least that awareness is there and I have like tools

707
00:33:16.400 --> 00:33:22.560
but I'm like go away like this is so annoying because I haven't I haven't been this excited

708
00:33:22.560 --> 00:33:28.720
about somebody so that's annoying too you know and I know this is too vulnerable like I know

709
00:33:28.720 --> 00:33:35.840
stop it don't be vulnerable run and no I found myself kind of wanting to be like I'm like okay

710
00:33:35.840 --> 00:33:43.360
so when he he finally answered it like responded at this evening I purposely did not answer right

711
00:33:43.360 --> 00:33:50.880
away right and I gave it a couple hours because I was teaching anyway but then he called and I

712
00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:55.920
didn't answer it right away because I was like no I'm not gonna like you know but then it took

713
00:33:55.920 --> 00:34:02.400
everything in me when I did call him back to like act like I was cool as a cucumber.

714
00:34:04.400 --> 00:34:10.719
So what you can do Sarah I like that he called you um and you know if you guys are I would like

715
00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:16.880
to see you do more probably a little more talking than texting so you can become comfortable with

716
00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:23.040
him meaning text you can give any voice that you want but in the early stages I do want you to

717
00:34:23.040 --> 00:34:28.159
become a little more confident in his intentionality toward you and it may be

718
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:34.960
really good for you to talk to someone else as well like dating you mean like or like on an app

719
00:34:34.960 --> 00:34:40.400
yeah I was purposely doing that today too because I'm like Sarah you've met the guy once you know

720
00:34:40.400 --> 00:34:46.400
like all that self-talk but and we have we've talked on the phone every day he's not a big

721
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:51.840
texter he's like oh good good yeah so that's why I'm saying like that's why I was so excited to

722
00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:59.840
meet him because we had like such great conversation yeah before yeah so I will say and I used to be

723
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.360
be anxiously attached as well, a very anxious attachment

724
00:35:04.360 --> 00:35:04.880
person.

725
00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:06.680
I would encourage you, what helped me a lot

726
00:35:06.680 --> 00:35:08.720
was talking to more than one person.

727
00:35:08.720 --> 00:35:12.000
I would talk to three people at a time.

728
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:14.400
That's not my, this is not a program suggestion.

729
00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:15.880
I'm telling you about me.

730
00:35:15.880 --> 00:35:17.940
I would rotate three men at all times.

731
00:35:17.940 --> 00:35:19.840
The best one will rise to the top.

732
00:35:19.840 --> 00:35:21.960
The other two would fall somewhere in between.

733
00:35:21.960 --> 00:35:23.960
So that means when the best one rose to the top,

734
00:35:23.960 --> 00:35:26.520
then he always got the priority time.

735
00:35:26.520 --> 00:35:28.440
If he wanted to hang out, he got it first.

736
00:35:28.440 --> 00:35:29.900
So I would make the other two wait

737
00:35:29.900 --> 00:35:32.160
to see what the one that rose to the top would do.

738
00:35:32.160 --> 00:35:33.900
And so that's how I would circle them out.

739
00:35:33.900 --> 00:35:36.280
One would fall out, and then I'd pick up another one

740
00:35:36.280 --> 00:35:37.680
and put in his spot.

741
00:35:37.680 --> 00:35:41.320
And then they would get to rise or whatever.

742
00:35:41.320 --> 00:35:44.640
And so everybody didn't get the same amount of time

743
00:35:44.640 --> 00:35:46.840
because I didn't have that kind of time to give out.

744
00:35:46.840 --> 00:35:48.000
But they would get slotted.

745
00:35:48.000 --> 00:35:49.960
I would give time slots to everybody.

746
00:35:49.960 --> 00:35:52.000
It was really organized.

747
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:54.920
People knew when they could talk to me.

748
00:35:54.920 --> 00:35:57.720
But Sarah, if you can't do three,

749
00:35:57.800 --> 00:35:59.400
I do want you to talk to another person.

750
00:35:59.400 --> 00:36:04.320
It's really gonna help you not be so anxiously attached.

751
00:36:04.320 --> 00:36:06.920
It's really gonna help you a lot.

752
00:36:06.920 --> 00:36:09.800
I am doing that because it was like internal,

753
00:36:09.800 --> 00:36:11.760
like just take your mind off.

754
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:14.240
Don't be so consumed with someone you've known for a week

755
00:36:14.240 --> 00:36:15.880
and went on one date with.

756
00:36:15.880 --> 00:36:18.080
Yeah, and sometimes it helps to remind yourself

757
00:36:18.080 --> 00:36:19.880
that I don't know this person.

758
00:36:19.880 --> 00:36:22.120
Yes, I love when you said,

759
00:36:22.120 --> 00:36:24.080
tell yourself this is not my husband.

760
00:36:24.080 --> 00:36:27.360
That keeps you so sober-minded more than anything.

761
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:29.440
This is not your husband.

762
00:36:29.440 --> 00:36:30.920
This is not your husband.

763
00:36:30.920 --> 00:36:32.800
So that was super helpful.

764
00:36:32.800 --> 00:36:35.000
But I was proud of myself

765
00:36:35.000 --> 00:36:36.640
because when I did get on the phone with him,

766
00:36:36.640 --> 00:36:38.040
I thought, well, I'm not gonna call him

767
00:36:38.040 --> 00:36:40.080
because I'm about to get on this coaching call.

768
00:36:40.080 --> 00:36:42.800
And then I thought, no, I'll call him.

769
00:36:42.800 --> 00:36:43.760
And then I said, well, hey,

770
00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:45.160
it's been really nice talking to you,

771
00:36:45.160 --> 00:36:47.560
but I have a call with some girlfriends.

772
00:36:47.560 --> 00:36:48.400
That's what I was like,

773
00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:50.080
I got a call with some girlfriends.

774
00:36:50.080 --> 00:36:52.080
He goes, oh, okay, you don't wanna talk to me?

775
00:36:52.080 --> 00:36:52.920
I see how it is.

776
00:36:52.920 --> 00:36:54.440
And I wanted to stoop to his level and be like,

777
00:36:54.440 --> 00:36:55.680
oh, okay, you don't wanna text.

778
00:36:55.680 --> 00:36:56.520
Like, I didn't.

779
00:36:57.360 --> 00:36:58.920
I was just like, oh, that's kind of funny.

780
00:36:58.920 --> 00:37:00.240
You know, a little.

781
00:37:00.240 --> 00:37:02.640
I know, that's so cute.

782
00:37:02.640 --> 00:37:03.840
I was like, of course I do.

783
00:37:03.840 --> 00:37:05.680
I'll let you know when I'm done.

784
00:37:05.680 --> 00:37:08.720
And I was proud because codependent me years ago

785
00:37:08.720 --> 00:37:11.040
had been like, no, I'll just skip the call

786
00:37:11.040 --> 00:37:13.320
because he's like, finally, we're talking.

787
00:37:13.320 --> 00:37:14.640
And I was like, no, I'm not doing it.

788
00:37:14.640 --> 00:37:16.760
Like, I'm gonna stay committed to my process

789
00:37:16.760 --> 00:37:19.480
and things that are good for me

790
00:37:19.480 --> 00:37:21.440
just because he now wants to finally have time

791
00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:23.240
to talk on the phone.

792
00:37:23.240 --> 00:37:25.080
Yes, you did good, Sarah.

793
00:37:25.080 --> 00:37:26.160
Way to go.

794
00:37:26.800 --> 00:37:27.800
Thank you for sharing.

795
00:37:28.640 --> 00:37:29.920
Thank you.

796
00:37:29.920 --> 00:37:30.840
You're welcome.

797
00:37:32.120 --> 00:37:33.080
Marley.

798
00:37:34.120 --> 00:37:35.200
Yes, hi.

799
00:37:37.480 --> 00:37:40.040
First, I just wanted to say that what you said,

800
00:37:40.040 --> 00:37:43.800
what you mentioned about build your own community

801
00:37:43.800 --> 00:37:46.240
is really resonated with me

802
00:37:46.240 --> 00:37:51.240
because it made me see what I was not able to articulate

803
00:37:51.960 --> 00:37:55.080
before I have a family member who lives with me.

804
00:37:55.080 --> 00:37:56.760
And that's the situation.

805
00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:00.120
That person doesn't have community.

806
00:38:00.120 --> 00:38:01.720
So I'm the community.

807
00:38:01.720 --> 00:38:05.200
And at times it's heavy, right?

808
00:38:05.200 --> 00:38:10.200
But it allowed me to see it, to see what it is.

809
00:38:12.680 --> 00:38:17.680
So I have gone on a few dates

810
00:38:18.520 --> 00:38:23.520
and with both men, three times,

811
00:38:23.720 --> 00:38:26.520
three and four times with two men.

812
00:38:26.520 --> 00:38:30.040
And so we've both decided

813
00:38:30.040 --> 00:38:33.640
that we were not going to take it any further.

814
00:38:33.640 --> 00:38:34.680
But for whatever reason,

815
00:38:34.680 --> 00:38:37.960
I haven't been able to unmatch them on the app.

816
00:38:37.960 --> 00:38:41.840
And I find that really weird.

817
00:38:41.840 --> 00:38:45.880
So we have our phone, we have exchanged phone numbers.

818
00:38:45.880 --> 00:38:49.080
So they could reach me if they wanted to,

819
00:38:49.080 --> 00:38:50.320
or if I wanted to reach them,

820
00:38:50.320 --> 00:38:53.520
but I haven't done that on the app.

821
00:38:53.520 --> 00:38:56.600
And I'm not sure why.

822
00:38:56.600 --> 00:39:01.120
And the second thing is,

823
00:39:03.000 --> 00:39:05.560
when I look at the app,

824
00:39:05.560 --> 00:39:08.560
it's the same profiles that keep coming back.

825
00:39:08.560 --> 00:39:13.560
And I guess I was hoping or waiting

826
00:39:14.040 --> 00:39:19.040
for them to like me first and they haven't.

827
00:39:20.880 --> 00:39:23.320
So it's been very, very, very slow

828
00:39:24.640 --> 00:39:29.640
in the past few days, week or weeks.

829
00:39:32.360 --> 00:39:33.480
Yeah.

830
00:39:33.480 --> 00:39:34.440
Yeah.

831
00:39:34.440 --> 00:39:35.880
Well, Molly, what's the business with you

832
00:39:35.880 --> 00:39:37.360
waiting on somebody to like you first?

833
00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:38.360
What's up with that?

834
00:39:42.360 --> 00:39:43.520
I don't know.

835
00:39:44.280 --> 00:39:45.120
It's...

836
00:39:48.920 --> 00:39:51.360
Go on, like the man, honey.

837
00:39:51.360 --> 00:39:52.200
It's just...

838
00:39:59.680 --> 00:40:00.520
Have...

839
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.680
All your guys liked you first

840
00:40:01.680 --> 00:40:03.400
and that's one of your unspoken rules

841
00:40:03.400 --> 00:40:05.720
that they have to like me first?

842
00:40:05.720 --> 00:40:10.720
No, but I think I saw in one of the training

843
00:40:12.200 --> 00:40:16.880
they were saying, oh no, it was only communicate

844
00:40:16.880 --> 00:40:21.880
with people who, in the videos, there was something.

845
00:40:24.840 --> 00:40:27.640
Was it communicate with the guys who communicate with you

846
00:40:27.760 --> 00:40:30.520
or something to that effect.

847
00:40:30.520 --> 00:40:35.520
So I didn't, but it's probably not the video

848
00:40:36.440 --> 00:40:38.560
that made me react that way.

849
00:40:38.560 --> 00:40:41.400
Or what I heard of the video that made me react that way.

850
00:40:42.440 --> 00:40:44.080
Okay, you know, in our community,

851
00:40:44.080 --> 00:40:47.280
we are big contenders for you guys dropping the hanky

852
00:40:47.280 --> 00:40:50.960
and going ahead and putting yourself out there.

853
00:40:50.960 --> 00:40:52.560
There's so much growth to be had

854
00:40:52.560 --> 00:40:54.200
when we put ourself out there.

855
00:40:55.200 --> 00:40:59.000
You know, well, sometimes, and we'll say,

856
00:40:59.000 --> 00:41:02.920
well, I want to, most of you ladies can attest to this.

857
00:41:02.920 --> 00:41:05.640
We've been taught that we are to be pursued.

858
00:41:06.600 --> 00:41:08.840
And that if a man wants you, that he's gonna talk to you,

859
00:41:08.840 --> 00:41:09.680
he's gonna come for you.

860
00:41:09.680 --> 00:41:11.920
And if he doesn't, he may not want you.

861
00:41:12.760 --> 00:41:13.840
That's not true.

862
00:41:15.040 --> 00:41:18.120
And there's a sense of entitlement that comes along

863
00:41:18.120 --> 00:41:20.640
when you think, well, he needs to say something to me first.

864
00:41:20.640 --> 00:41:24.880
That's entitlement because you can,

865
00:41:24.880 --> 00:41:27.080
the reason why you're not saying something first

866
00:41:27.080 --> 00:41:27.920
is most of the time,

867
00:41:27.920 --> 00:41:30.920
the root of it is you don't want to be rejected.

868
00:41:30.920 --> 00:41:32.360
You don't want to feel the sting

869
00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:34.720
of him not saying, I want you too.

870
00:41:35.840 --> 00:41:39.760
Now, so let's, you know, a lot of times,

871
00:41:39.760 --> 00:41:41.280
it's good to dig down to the bottom.

872
00:41:41.280 --> 00:41:42.880
It's like, oh no, he should just say something.

873
00:41:42.880 --> 00:41:43.720
He should just say something.

874
00:41:43.720 --> 00:41:44.800
He should just say something.

875
00:41:44.800 --> 00:41:47.040
Well, when you hear your mind saying that,

876
00:41:47.040 --> 00:41:48.280
I want you to know this,

877
00:41:48.280 --> 00:41:51.920
you see some level of entitlement

878
00:41:51.920 --> 00:41:54.080
that somebody should say something to you first

879
00:41:54.080 --> 00:41:57.320
because you can say something to somebody first too.

880
00:41:57.320 --> 00:42:01.240
And if you say, well, I ain't doing it, ask yourself why.

881
00:42:01.240 --> 00:42:03.800
And don't stop till you get to the bottom of it.

882
00:42:03.800 --> 00:42:07.640
And if when you get through, all your answer is he should,

883
00:42:07.640 --> 00:42:09.840
some, you didn't answer the question.

884
00:42:09.840 --> 00:42:12.280
You didn't get to the bottom.

885
00:42:12.280 --> 00:42:14.240
I think I know in fact, now that you say it.

886
00:42:14.960 --> 00:42:17.160
I know you know why.

887
00:42:17.160 --> 00:42:22.160
Yeah, no, it's because my dating life as a teenager,

888
00:42:24.320 --> 00:42:27.920
I was the one making the moves first.

889
00:42:27.920 --> 00:42:32.920
And then it was playing on my mind.

890
00:42:32.920 --> 00:42:34.920
Well, if I had not reached out to him,

891
00:42:34.920 --> 00:42:37.760
would he have even been interested in me?

892
00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:41.800
And I think that's what it is.

893
00:42:42.120 --> 00:42:47.120
And so when they show interest first,

894
00:42:47.680 --> 00:42:49.800
then I know they show interest

895
00:42:49.800 --> 00:42:51.600
because they're interested in the person

896
00:42:51.600 --> 00:42:56.520
as opposed to, oh, well, she reached out to me, so.

897
00:42:56.520 --> 00:42:58.760
Right, yeah.

898
00:42:58.760 --> 00:43:00.040
You know, I must be all this

899
00:43:00.040 --> 00:43:04.280
because she reached out to me type of thing, yeah.

900
00:43:04.280 --> 00:43:08.320
I would often say that I'm not a big person on looks.

901
00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:10.840
As long as I look better than the man, I'm pretty good.

902
00:43:10.840 --> 00:43:13.640
So, no, but it's kind of like that an answer.

903
00:43:13.640 --> 00:43:15.840
Well, I mean, I look better, so it's okay.

904
00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:18.200
Well, no, what I want to say is,

905
00:43:18.200 --> 00:43:20.080
I want to speak into that

906
00:43:20.080 --> 00:43:23.880
because that man could be looking at,

907
00:43:23.880 --> 00:43:25.880
just let's play with this mind,

908
00:43:25.880 --> 00:43:26.720
because that's what we do.

909
00:43:26.720 --> 00:43:29.360
We think of things in our head and we assign them.

910
00:43:29.360 --> 00:43:30.680
Let's say he's looking at your picture

911
00:43:30.680 --> 00:43:32.400
and saying, man, that woman is so beautiful.

912
00:43:32.400 --> 00:43:33.360
I'm not going to click on her.

913
00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:34.600
She would never like me.

914
00:43:36.760 --> 00:43:39.520
What if those are his thoughts?

915
00:43:39.560 --> 00:43:42.680
Most men, when they sit across type from a pretty woman,

916
00:43:42.680 --> 00:43:44.520
they just amaze you talking to them.

917
00:43:45.880 --> 00:43:48.720
So, I want to deal with some of these mindsets

918
00:43:48.720 --> 00:43:50.880
that believe that, oh, he just talking to me

919
00:43:50.880 --> 00:43:52.360
because I want to talk to him.

920
00:43:53.200 --> 00:43:55.280
You know, that's not true.

921
00:43:55.280 --> 00:43:57.920
Actually, that's an inward judgment of yourself.

922
00:43:57.920 --> 00:44:00.760
Your value and worth is not based on,

923
00:44:01.800 --> 00:44:03.880
your value and worth is still the same,

924
00:44:03.880 --> 00:44:06.240
whether you like them or they liked you.

925
00:44:07.240 --> 00:44:08.680
Hmm.

926
00:44:08.680 --> 00:44:09.800
Right.

927
00:44:09.800 --> 00:44:12.800
So, I want you to hold true to your value and worth,

928
00:44:12.800 --> 00:44:15.040
whether you select them or not.

929
00:44:15.040 --> 00:44:17.240
How then, so then your question may be,

930
00:44:17.240 --> 00:44:20.600
well, how do we measure if they are pursuing us?

931
00:44:20.600 --> 00:44:22.840
It's called reciprocity.

932
00:44:22.840 --> 00:44:23.760
I liked you.

933
00:44:23.760 --> 00:44:24.960
I sent you a message.

934
00:44:24.960 --> 00:44:26.720
Did you send me a message back?

935
00:44:29.080 --> 00:44:29.920
Hmm.

936
00:44:29.920 --> 00:44:30.760
All right.

937
00:44:30.760 --> 00:44:32.400
I extended my number.

938
00:44:32.400 --> 00:44:34.000
Maybe I gave you the call first.

939
00:44:34.000 --> 00:44:35.880
Do you check on me during the daytime?

940
00:44:36.520 --> 00:44:38.520
Are you giving me back what I gave to you?

941
00:44:38.520 --> 00:44:40.760
See, the idea that just because somebody click on you,

942
00:44:40.760 --> 00:44:42.800
they're pursuing you is not true at all.

943
00:44:42.800 --> 00:44:45.120
What does it take to click on your picture?

944
00:44:46.400 --> 00:44:50.280
We're measuring pursuit out of something that's trivial

945
00:44:50.280 --> 00:44:51.560
that really means nothing.

946
00:44:51.560 --> 00:44:53.120
It costs them nothing to do that.

947
00:44:53.120 --> 00:44:55.840
It doesn't take much effort to do those things.

948
00:44:55.840 --> 00:45:00.840
And so, just let's measure things in a meaningful way.

949
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.200
measurable way in a consistent way. So we want reciprocity. If I reach out then you're going to

950
00:45:05.200 --> 00:45:10.720
return to something. So you want to make sure you're not the one always initiating everything.

951
00:45:12.240 --> 00:45:15.040
But so I just want to encourage you to push yourself past that

952
00:45:15.040 --> 00:45:19.600
boundary and see what happens when you do reach out. Like, you know, push yourself.

953
00:45:19.600 --> 00:45:24.960
Okay. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome, Marley.

954
00:45:26.960 --> 00:45:32.400
Liza, we are behind again. Liz, what's going on, girl? Been getting those dates?

955
00:45:33.600 --> 00:45:38.640
I did. So I went on one date on Saturday.

956
00:45:38.640 --> 00:45:41.680
Okay, y'all. Hold on. Wait a minute. Liz, how old are you?

957
00:45:41.680 --> 00:45:42.720
29.

958
00:45:42.720 --> 00:45:46.080
So Liz has already shared this with the group. So while she's running down all this stuff,

959
00:45:46.080 --> 00:45:52.240
I just want to say this before time. She had never dated anybody ever in her whole 29 years

960
00:45:52.240 --> 00:45:56.480
of living. Just know this. So go ahead, Liz. Start back. What were you saying?

961
00:45:59.680 --> 00:46:06.640
Well, I was so well-dressed. I was very nervous. I had my hair curled. I had my contacts on.

962
00:46:06.640 --> 00:46:11.040
I looked so beautiful, but it didn't cross my mind that I should take a picture. So I'm like,

963
00:46:11.040 --> 00:46:16.160
oh, I should have taken a picture of myself to, like, just have a memory of first date ever.

964
00:46:19.200 --> 00:46:22.320
But I had to drive like an hour and a half. So I was like,

965
00:46:22.960 --> 00:46:25.440
I wanted to ask him, like, are we still good for today?

966
00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:36.320
So we were. He was very respectful of my personal boundaries and my professional and my physical

967
00:46:36.320 --> 00:46:41.680
boundary, emotional and physical. Like he didn't he didn't try to touch me. He didn't try to hug me.

968
00:46:41.680 --> 00:46:45.520
But we played like that game. Would you rather this or that? Like in the beginning,

969
00:46:45.520 --> 00:46:49.280
I was asking a lot of questions. And I'm like, I was just so honest. I'm like,

970
00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:53.440
you know what? I'm running out of questions like you need to like you need to say something.

971
00:46:56.400 --> 00:47:00.640
So then he started laughing and he said, I have a list. So he opened his list.

972
00:47:01.120 --> 00:47:06.800
So he was prepared. He's 32. So he opened his list, but then he got bored. So he went on to

973
00:47:06.800 --> 00:47:10.160
the online website and then we found this. Would you rather this or that?

974
00:47:10.160 --> 00:47:14.320
And that was fun. Like it was funny questions. Plus, there were some deep, thoughtful questions.

975
00:47:15.040 --> 00:47:20.000
So we really got to know each other apart from our faith, apart from our profession and apart

976
00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:25.200
from our personal lives. We really got to know each other's faith. However, each other's thoughts.

977
00:47:26.160 --> 00:47:30.960
However, my question is, after those, so the first video chat I initiated, same thing,

978
00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:36.240
initiation, the first date I initiated, after we went home, he didn't message me back. I didn't

979
00:47:36.240 --> 00:47:40.720
message him back the next day. I messaged him and said, hey, it was really nice to get to know you.

980
00:47:40.720 --> 00:47:45.680
But he did say at the end, very end when I said, hey, it was nice to nice to meet you. Like we,

981
00:47:45.680 --> 00:47:50.400
I would love to do it again. So he said, my friends do like a movie in the park,

982
00:47:50.400 --> 00:47:54.880
maybe I will. I will tell you and then we can watch. Would you rather have a movie in the park

983
00:47:55.280 --> 00:48:00.880
or would you rather have a picnic? So I was like, there you go. You can do that. But then

984
00:48:01.520 --> 00:48:05.200
that's about it. And then when we went home, he didn't respond. Neither did I

985
00:48:05.200 --> 00:48:09.280
message. And the next day I messaged and said, hey, it was nice to talk to you,

986
00:48:09.280 --> 00:48:14.160
meet you in person. We would love to do it again. And then he initiated and said, hey,

987
00:48:14.160 --> 00:48:18.880
why don't we do a video call again next time? Because it's like he's in Mississauga, I'm in

988
00:48:18.880 --> 00:48:23.760
London. So I said, that sounds great. And then we are having a video call on this Saturday.

989
00:48:24.400 --> 00:48:28.000
I mean, it was scheduled tomorrow, but I was busy. So I said, let's do it on Saturday. And

990
00:48:28.000 --> 00:48:34.000
he agreed to that. However, it's like every time I initiate and as you said, he reciprocates.

991
00:48:34.000 --> 00:48:40.800
But in the day, there's only one message or there are two at the max. So I just I just don't know

992
00:48:40.800 --> 00:48:46.640
how how far should I take it where I'm always initiating. Like I was always asking him questions.

993
00:48:46.640 --> 00:48:51.360
Hey, how was what are you up to for today? It's a Canada day. So what are you up to today?

994
00:48:51.360 --> 00:48:57.040
He didn't talk. He didn't ask. I had to ask him that. So same thing. Everybody what everybody

995
00:48:57.040 --> 00:49:02.560
is asking. I'm asking the same thing. And I have another date with another man. This coming Friday.

996
00:49:03.360 --> 00:49:09.440
Yeah. Oh, that's right. I remember once I had three dates in one day. It was amazing.

997
00:49:09.440 --> 00:49:16.320
So you're doing good. Let's wrap them up. Thank you. Yeah, stop initiating with him. You've

998
00:49:16.320 --> 00:49:21.920
initiated enough. He's going to have to initiate some from here. So also, if you want to get to

999
00:49:21.920 --> 00:49:27.040
know him more, you can just say, hey, I noticed we've been having a few texts here and there. But

1000
00:49:27.040 --> 00:49:31.120
I love to jump on a phone call with you. So we can just start getting to know each other a little

1001
00:49:31.120 --> 00:49:37.200
bit better. Feel free to say that. But you have initiated enough and he's he's he's responded

1002
00:49:37.200 --> 00:49:43.040
back. But I want you to give space to see what he's going to do. Okay, so then maybe like next

1003
00:49:43.040 --> 00:49:47.440
this Saturday, when we talk, I just won't message him back. And I just let him let's

1004
00:49:47.440 --> 00:49:53.200
see if he messages me back. Is that what you're saying? Oh, I'm saying like you send text to

1005
00:49:53.200 --> 00:49:59.040
don't send him a text tomorrow. Wait till he sends you a text or whatever. Or now if you want to. I

1006
00:49:59.040 --> 00:49:59.840
did mention you

1007
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.000
Wanting to do you want to listen to me. Do you want to communicate with him more

1008
00:50:05.320 --> 00:50:07.840
Um, I don't know if he's the born again believer.

1009
00:50:08.600 --> 00:50:09.960
That's the only thing

1010
00:50:10.360 --> 00:50:12.000
But do you want to communicate with him more

1011
00:50:13.960 --> 00:50:19.600
Because in order to find out if he's a born again believe you have to communicate with them. So that's why I said, do you want to communicate with him more

1012
00:50:19.880 --> 00:50:20.400
It doesn't

1013
00:50:20.840 --> 00:50:21.760
Mean enough for that.

1014
00:50:22.640 --> 00:50:23.120
Um,

1015
00:50:24.120 --> 00:50:25.600
He is

1016
00:50:26.080 --> 00:50:40.120
Okay, so what you can do is say, hey, we've been sending a few texts here and there. Let's schedule some talk time. I know we're going to do a video chat on Saturday, but I would love to chat with you. You can put the hours that you're available to talk on the phone.

1017
00:50:40.600 --> 00:50:51.760
And then he can choose from one of those time slots. You don't have to follow up him anymore. After that, you told him that you're available. You would like to do a voice call with him and give him the times that you can do voice calls.

1018
00:50:52.520 --> 00:50:52.960
Okay.

1019
00:50:53.800 --> 00:50:54.480
That makes sense.

1020
00:50:54.880 --> 00:50:58.280
Yeah, he didn't ask my number, though. Am I the one who's going to ask the number

1021
00:50:58.960 --> 00:51:01.120
Oh, yeah. How are y'all talking in the app.

1022
00:51:04.760 --> 00:51:05.040
He's too

1023
00:51:05.520 --> 00:51:05.920
Bad.

1024
00:51:08.400 --> 00:51:09.120
I know

1025
00:51:09.200 --> 00:51:10.680
Okay, you can tell he's shy.

1026
00:51:11.440 --> 00:51:13.400
Yeah, he's very shy. He was

1027
00:51:13.640 --> 00:51:19.000
Having a hard time to even look at me when we were together and then he would make eye contact and then he would take it away.

1028
00:51:19.400 --> 00:51:19.720
Oh, that's

1029
00:51:20.320 --> 00:51:20.680
Pretty

1030
00:51:23.280 --> 00:51:25.200
Yes, what me and you like they can't look at

1031
00:51:26.600 --> 00:51:27.120
Look, it's

1032
00:51:29.200 --> 00:51:32.440
Just like she see me. She see me. I have to turn my head. She got me.

1033
00:51:34.560 --> 00:51:38.360
There. They're like 12 year olds. It's okay. Um,

1034
00:51:39.800 --> 00:51:49.520
Yeah, I would just tell just a taste. Hey, we hadn't got opportunity to exchange numbers. I love to do a voice call with you. Here's my number.

1035
00:51:49.720 --> 00:51:54.880
In the time that I'm available. Look, lock me in shoot me a text so I can save your number as well.

1036
00:51:56.760 --> 00:51:57.240
Okay.

1037
00:51:58.280 --> 00:51:59.600
I will be. Yep.

1038
00:51:59.760 --> 00:52:03.280
That that sounds I love your boldness and I'm going to do it.

1039
00:52:03.920 --> 00:52:09.680
Go for it. Look at you. I told you catch on to it. Once you catch me like, let's go, baby.

1040
00:52:10.840 --> 00:52:15.920
So, okay. So at what point then should I not initiate stop initiating at one point.

1041
00:52:16.440 --> 00:52:23.840
You're going to send him that text today or tomorrow over via the app. So when you do that, you would have given him your number.

1042
00:52:24.240 --> 00:52:32.080
You would have given him more access to you, you would have told him that you want to do a voice call with him and you would have also giving him the time

1043
00:52:32.680 --> 00:52:38.240
That you're available. That's it. His, his after that the bottles in his court.

1044
00:52:39.240 --> 00:52:46.720
Even the next day, you're not going to text him even the next day, you're not going to text him and then you'll see him according to your plans on the zoom call

1045
00:52:47.600 --> 00:52:55.880
Okay, what you will confirm if you haven't heard from him that the zoom call is good to go because I don't want you to get all dolled up and he doesn't show up.

1046
00:52:57.160 --> 00:53:02.920
Okay, so the reason why you are making communication before the zoom calls, just so you won't be inconvenienced. Yeah.

1047
00:53:03.920 --> 00:53:05.040
Got it. Yeah.

1048
00:53:05.080 --> 00:53:11.120
And after the zoom call. I'm not texting him and asking like they would. I mean, I just wait for him to message after this.

1049
00:53:12.160 --> 00:53:23.360
Because he was he should have when you give him your number. He's going to talk to you. He's going to reach out to you. And so you'll have more context going into the zoom call like you would have shown more to you by big

1050
00:53:24.480 --> 00:53:26.080
Okay. Right.

1051
00:53:26.760 --> 00:53:37.160
If he doesn't, when you get on the zoom call you can say, Hey, I gave you my number. I showed a bit of interest wanting to do a voice call with you is, is this something that you're not interested in pursuing

1052
00:53:38.520 --> 00:53:38.880
Right.

1053
00:53:40.320 --> 00:53:40.680
Yep.

1054
00:53:41.200 --> 00:53:43.120
So you'll know more before you get there.

1055
00:53:43.720 --> 00:53:45.120
Sounds good. Thanks, Ebony

1056
00:53:45.440 --> 00:53:47.600
You're welcome. All right, Lori.

1057
00:53:48.640 --> 00:53:52.720
Hey, y'all is 754 so I'm gonna speed us up for real this time.

1058
00:53:53.680 --> 00:53:58.480
One minute, get your who, what, and something. Who, what, and question.

1059
00:53:58.920 --> 00:54:04.120
Okay, I actually have two, but I think two relationships to

1060
00:54:05.160 --> 00:54:11.480
Sort a little bit. The first one is, well, it's the same two guys that I talked about last week, the rugged handsome guy.

1061
00:54:11.480 --> 00:54:23.440
Super cute. We exchanged numbers. The texts were flying so much compatibility, just having literally just having a ball and then I offered up a voice call

1062
00:54:23.920 --> 00:54:34.280
Or video chat said, Hey, it'd be fun to meet voice or video and he says, I can do a voice. I'm because he had a bunch of things. He's like, I'll be walking my dog. Is it okay if we

1063
00:54:34.280 --> 00:54:49.240
Talk during that time. So we did. And he's he asked a lot of questions. And so the call went, went good, but I didn't feel like I had as undivided attention. So anyway, got off the call and

1064
00:54:51.520 --> 00:54:53.240
I would say, I'd say it went good.

1065
00:54:55.040 --> 00:54:58.560
Didn't have as much connection as I felt like I needed to have, but

1066
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.060
We had during the tax, but, um, and that was for maybe like 35, 40 minutes we

1067
00:55:06.060 --> 00:55:15.220
chatted and then nothing from Saturday noon until Sunday at like eight o'clock.

1068
00:55:15.700 --> 00:55:19.680
And so in that time, so like 36 hours ish.

1069
00:55:20.460 --> 00:55:29.100
So in that time, very long, I also had like so much, such an opportunity.

1070
00:55:29.560 --> 00:55:37.220
It was crazy, had such an opportunity for, um, sorting through anxious attachment.

1071
00:55:37.840 --> 00:55:43.420
And, um, so yeah, I mean, it's like a gift that it came up.

1072
00:55:43.420 --> 00:55:47.640
So anyway, and I called, you know, I was just processing with the Lord

1073
00:55:47.640 --> 00:55:50.680
and journaling and doing all these things and like, couldn't,

1074
00:55:51.400 --> 00:55:53.480
just couldn't settle it down.

1075
00:55:53.500 --> 00:55:59.660
And so I finally was just like, um, wasn't until the next day,

1076
00:55:59.660 --> 00:56:03.020
cause he didn't text like, Hey, it was a great call, you know,

1077
00:56:03.020 --> 00:56:04.460
let's chat again, nothing.

1078
00:56:04.860 --> 00:56:10.260
And so I just really sat with the Lord and was like, what, what is it that.

1079
00:56:10.980 --> 00:56:12.900
Um, I need that.

1080
00:56:12.900 --> 00:56:14.540
Why, why do I need that?

1081
00:56:14.580 --> 00:56:17.420
Why it's not like it was a bad call.

1082
00:56:17.840 --> 00:56:19.780
I think it was a good call.

1083
00:56:20.760 --> 00:56:26.200
So just really sat with the Lord and just allowed him to just like, just be with him.

1084
00:56:26.680 --> 00:56:29.800
But I would say that the biggest thing, my biggest breakthrough came through

1085
00:56:29.800 --> 00:56:31.440
and I remembered two things.

1086
00:56:31.440 --> 00:56:37.620
And one is like somatic, like nervous system healing that like, feel the

1087
00:56:37.620 --> 00:56:41.280
feeling of the trauma in my body and sitting with that and allowing the

1088
00:56:41.280 --> 00:56:42.800
Holy spirit to encounter me.

1089
00:56:42.800 --> 00:56:47.120
And then I said, God, I need a promise right now that doesn't

1090
00:56:47.120 --> 00:56:48.720
have to do anything with him.

1091
00:56:49.140 --> 00:56:50.460
But I just need a promise.

1092
00:56:50.460 --> 00:56:52.380
And he just said, declare my faithfulness.

1093
00:56:52.380 --> 00:56:54.180
And I really heard him.

1094
00:56:54.740 --> 00:56:59.400
And so every time that fear came up, I just said, Lord, you are faithful.

1095
00:56:59.700 --> 00:57:07.680
And it was like, it was like all the fear left, like so powerful for me.

1096
00:57:07.680 --> 00:57:09.420
I just said, Lord, you are faithful.

1097
00:57:09.700 --> 00:57:12.460
And I loved about that as it didn't say you are faithful.

1098
00:57:12.660 --> 00:57:14.040
Steve's going to be my husband.

1099
00:57:14.040 --> 00:57:17.940
It's like, Lord, you are faithful and you are going to be here with me all

1100
00:57:17.960 --> 00:57:21.480
the days of my life and you've always been good to me and you always will be.

1101
00:57:22.040 --> 00:57:23.840
And so it was such a breakthrough.

1102
00:57:23.840 --> 00:57:28.240
And then also, you know, leaning into a couple of girlfriends who were like,

1103
00:57:28.280 --> 00:57:30.400
you are overthinking this girlfriend.

1104
00:57:30.400 --> 00:57:36.440
Like this is the only bit I'm like, this has only been like 12 hours, you know?

1105
00:57:36.440 --> 00:57:38.820
So, or 24 hours.

1106
00:57:38.820 --> 00:57:43.680
So then when he messaged back through, cause he had asked me during the texting,

1107
00:57:43.680 --> 00:57:48.240
Hey, are you free on Wednesday evening to meet in person?

1108
00:57:48.240 --> 00:57:50.580
So then I thought, are we still meeting or not?

1109
00:57:50.880 --> 00:57:55.680
Anyway, he reached out Sunday evening and said, good evening, Lori, how was

1110
00:57:55.680 --> 00:57:57.440
your worship last night in your Sunday?

1111
00:57:58.000 --> 00:58:03.160
And, you know, I just gave a real brief and I waited to answer too,

1112
00:58:03.160 --> 00:58:08.640
because I, I needed to come down from, yeah, I was, I would say the

1113
00:58:08.640 --> 00:58:11.800
faithfulness thing helped, but I definitely still needed to come down

1114
00:58:11.800 --> 00:58:18.160
from the, that ride, but anyway, he gave a short description of his day.

1115
00:58:18.160 --> 00:58:22.900
And then he said, Hey, are you still free on Wednesday evening?

1116
00:58:22.900 --> 00:58:26.120
And he says, I have a super busy couple of days, but would

1117
00:58:26.120 --> 00:58:27.800
love to plan something for us.

1118
00:58:27.860 --> 00:58:28.960
I'd love to meet you.

1119
00:58:29.040 --> 00:58:34.040
And so there was nothing ever wrong.

1120
00:58:36.480 --> 00:58:37.480
Well, that's good.

1121
00:58:38.280 --> 00:58:39.240
He was processing.

1122
00:58:39.320 --> 00:58:43.800
I'm sure he's everybody's going to have questions, but you know, I think it was

1123
00:58:43.800 --> 00:58:48.360
really good for me to just sit in the waiting and think of all the different

1124
00:58:48.360 --> 00:58:50.280
mindsets that I could think of.

1125
00:58:50.280 --> 00:58:52.840
I could think, Oh, everything's great.

1126
00:58:53.400 --> 00:58:54.520
He's off having fun.

1127
00:58:54.580 --> 00:58:55.720
We had a great phone call.

1128
00:58:55.880 --> 00:58:56.380
It's good.

1129
00:58:57.160 --> 00:59:00.460
You know, it's just all the different options that I could

1130
00:59:00.460 --> 00:59:01.800
meaning that I could give it.

1131
00:59:02.360 --> 00:59:02.860
Yeah.

1132
00:59:03.060 --> 00:59:11.020
Um, so I guess I'd like to know, like, he is still not reached out and I expect

1133
00:59:11.020 --> 00:59:16.180
him to, because we have the date planned and he was said he was, he had extremely

1134
00:59:16.180 --> 00:59:20.220
compact Monday, Tuesday that he'd reach out with a plan.

1135
00:59:20.740 --> 00:59:24.700
Um, but I'm just wondering how long should we meet for?

1136
00:59:25.380 --> 00:59:27.700
He reached out, he reached out yesterday.

1137
00:59:28.620 --> 00:59:29.220
He reached out.

1138
00:59:30.340 --> 00:59:32.740
He reached out Sunday, but he said he would reach out yesterday.

1139
00:59:33.220 --> 00:59:34.300
No, he reached out.

1140
00:59:34.300 --> 00:59:35.380
He said he'd reach out.

1141
00:59:36.300 --> 00:59:40.260
He said he'd reach out with a plan, but we have Wednesday, tomorrow night.

1142
00:59:41.260 --> 00:59:42.740
Pencil out.

1143
00:59:46.100 --> 00:59:47.980
No, he said he's coming up with a plan.

1144
00:59:47.980 --> 00:59:49.060
He'll get back with me.

1145
00:59:49.620 --> 00:59:50.380
Oh, okay.

1146
00:59:50.860 --> 00:59:52.260
Well, tomorrow's Wednesday.

1147
00:59:52.340 --> 00:59:55.300
If you haven't heard by him tomorrow morning, you know, you can always shoot.

1148
00:59:55.420 --> 00:59:58.140
You can shoot, you can shoot them on ticks and you can say, Hey,

1149
00:59:58.380 --> 00:59:59.540
what's the plan for today?

1150
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.960
Yeah. And you could do it on the earlier part of the day. Yeah, you can see what he says back. Um,

1151
01:00:06.960 --> 01:00:11.920
he did give his word that he would reach out, but it's okay for you to follow up so you can

1152
01:00:11.920 --> 01:00:17.520
know so you won't be, you know, I, I thought back, he said, he did say, you know, excellent

1153
01:00:17.520 --> 01:00:25.600
that I was still available. I look forward to planning something for Wednesday. And maybe he

1154
01:00:25.680 --> 01:00:32.880
meant he wanted to plan it. I don't know. Yeah, don't don't don't look far into it. Maybe he's

1155
01:00:32.880 --> 01:00:39.920
still trying to plan something perfect. He is the guy. They can be not own it. Just we already

1156
01:00:39.920 --> 01:00:45.920
talked about like preferences for restaurants and things like that. So or whatever, but I guess I

1157
01:00:45.920 --> 01:00:54.000
need to know like how long is a good Yeah, Laura, just reach out to him tomorrow. Tomorrow morning,

1158
01:00:54.000 --> 01:00:59.680
about nine, 9am or 10am, whichever one of those times are acceptable for you. If he doesn't

1159
01:00:59.680 --> 01:01:04.560
respond to you today, you can reach out to him tonight and ask him what the plan is for tomorrow.

1160
01:01:04.560 --> 01:01:07.600
And you can reach out to him tomorrow morning and ask him what the plan is. But you can shoot him

1161
01:01:07.600 --> 01:01:14.720
a text right now and say, Hey, what's the plan for tomorrow? Okay. I think that's the easiest way to

1162
01:01:14.720 --> 01:01:20.240
do it. I would, I don't like you to like keep taking your mind and wondering stuff. I am a

1163
01:01:20.240 --> 01:01:26.240
very direct person. And so I don't waste a lot of time with trying to figure things out. You gave

1164
01:01:26.240 --> 01:01:31.600
him enough time, you need time to know how to plan your day tomorrow if he's not gonna plan anything.

1165
01:01:31.600 --> 01:01:35.440
So it's just a quick text like, Hey, just checking in. What's the plans for tomorrow?

1166
01:01:37.360 --> 01:01:43.280
Time, meet up time, you know, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. And then how long should we spend together

1167
01:01:43.280 --> 01:01:52.480
for first in person? How far does he live? Within an hour? Yeah, just you know, enjoy yourself.

1168
01:01:53.520 --> 01:02:00.880
Um, you know, you don't want a five hour date. You know, you do coffee, that's about 45 minutes.

1169
01:02:00.880 --> 01:02:06.720
If y'all do lunch or dinner, that's gonna change it. So you know, a couple of hours. Okay.

1170
01:02:07.280 --> 01:02:14.880
Okay. Can I ask you real quick about the other one? Now, I want you to ask me but I got so many

1171
01:02:14.880 --> 01:02:19.760
more hands live Lori. But if I'm picking up we will gladly come back. So can you just leave

1172
01:02:19.760 --> 01:02:26.240
your hand up and then I'll know to double back to you. Okay. Okay. Thanks. Natalie.

1173
01:02:26.960 --> 01:02:27.520
Natalie.

1174
01:02:30.640 --> 01:02:41.840
Yeah. So I kind of have a similar question with communication. And I think I'm kind of going back

1175
01:02:41.840 --> 01:02:48.960
and forth in my mind. I'll be honest, probably because it's a little bit of a defense mechanism,

1176
01:02:48.960 --> 01:02:53.840
because I haven't heard from him. So then that's when I'll start to say, Oh, you know what,

1177
01:02:53.840 --> 01:02:57.920
we're probably not the best fit. Anyway, it's fine, even though it's bothering me.

1178
01:02:58.960 --> 01:03:05.280
Because what happened? And I think I messaged you ebony on this question with this guy on the

1179
01:03:06.800 --> 01:03:15.440
on the post when I said that he was not brought up in a Christian home, but he's intrigued by

1180
01:03:15.440 --> 01:03:21.840
the Bible. He's more intellectual. Yeah. So we had a great date on Thursday night,

1181
01:03:21.840 --> 01:03:29.600
we went to a nice steakhouse dinner. Very cute. He's the only guy I've dated in almost two years

1182
01:03:29.600 --> 01:03:35.440
that I've actually even just been attracted to. So I was excited for this date. You know,

1183
01:03:35.440 --> 01:03:41.840
I love having intellectual conversation. You know, I was interested in his take on the Bible,

1184
01:03:41.840 --> 01:03:45.760
even though he's looking at it from more a historical standpoint, rather than a heart

1185
01:03:45.760 --> 01:03:52.640
posture. But he also said he was going to send me an article on something he wanted me to review.

1186
01:03:52.640 --> 01:03:57.280
And I could see parallels to that. I was really excited about talking with him. But the next time

1187
01:03:57.280 --> 01:04:02.080
he's like, Well, I'd really like to get together with you again. I'm like, me too. Same. He did

1188
01:04:02.080 --> 01:04:06.800
give me a hug. He walked into my car and he did give me a hug. Goodbye, which I was okay with.

1189
01:04:06.800 --> 01:04:15.200
But I remember talking to you about how he did try to extend his hand to me at the table. And I

1190
01:04:15.280 --> 01:04:20.480
told him, you know, I really do like you, but I just prefer to take things slow. So then I felt

1191
01:04:20.480 --> 01:04:27.840
like I was giving him mixed messages. When he walked me to the car, and I gave him a hug because

1192
01:04:27.840 --> 01:04:34.640
I wanted to just hug him. I'm like, Oh, my gosh, anyway. So then he sent me a very nice message.

1193
01:04:34.640 --> 01:04:39.680
You know, when when I got home, you know, nice to meet you. Drutter conversation, the whole thing.

1194
01:04:39.680 --> 01:04:47.600
Okay, fine. And then the next night, which was Friday night around 9pm, he said, So hey, round

1195
01:04:47.600 --> 01:04:54.480
two, you know, I'd love to get together again, you up for dinner Sunday night. And I said,

1196
01:04:54.480 --> 01:04:59.920
actually, I'm set for plans this weekend. But I would love I said, Thank you.

1197
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.080
for the invitation, but I really would love, you know,

1198
01:05:03.080 --> 01:05:06.680
to talk further, you know, about like the article

1199
01:05:06.680 --> 01:05:07.840
you sent me and he goes, yeah,

1200
01:05:07.840 --> 01:05:09.040
I'm going through Luke right now.

1201
01:05:09.040 --> 01:05:10.280
I said, okay, sounds good.

1202
01:05:10.280 --> 01:05:14.140
And I have not heard from him since Friday night.

1203
01:05:20.520 --> 01:05:22.680
You can't, you're on mute, Ebony.

1204
01:05:23.960 --> 01:05:25.280
Pull my calendar up.

1205
01:05:25.280 --> 01:05:27.160
I said, you ain't heard from since Friday night.

1206
01:05:27.160 --> 01:05:29.180
My mind like, what is today?

1207
01:05:31.000 --> 01:05:32.120
Oh, Natalie.

1208
01:05:33.400 --> 01:05:36.960
So have you reached out to him?

1209
01:05:36.960 --> 01:05:37.860
Oh, heck no.

1210
01:05:39.160 --> 01:05:42.200
Natalie, what is with you with this girl?

1211
01:05:42.200 --> 01:05:44.680
I can't do it, I can't do it.

1212
01:05:44.680 --> 01:05:46.560
I don't mean to be entitled, but it's just,

1213
01:05:46.560 --> 01:05:48.600
it just, oh, I can't do it.

1214
01:05:48.600 --> 01:05:49.440
And you know why?

1215
01:05:49.440 --> 01:05:52.040
Okay, remember how you told the last girl,

1216
01:05:52.040 --> 01:05:55.200
give some space to see what he does?

1217
01:05:55.200 --> 01:05:57.560
For me, it's really tough, Ebony.

1218
01:05:57.560 --> 01:05:58.600
I'm sorry, ladies.

1219
01:05:58.600 --> 01:06:02.360
It's really hard for me because I'm used to guys,

1220
01:06:02.360 --> 01:06:05.040
if they're interested in me, they pursue me.

1221
01:06:05.040 --> 01:06:06.600
It really is that simple.

1222
01:06:06.600 --> 01:06:09.800
It's no good morning, no getting to know you,

1223
01:06:09.800 --> 01:06:12.440
no how was your day, Natalie, no calling.

1224
01:06:12.440 --> 01:06:15.680
You know, I mean, I feel like we both made it very clear.

1225
01:06:15.680 --> 01:06:17.400
We wanted to get together again.

1226
01:06:17.400 --> 01:06:19.200
I said I was open.

1227
01:06:19.200 --> 01:06:22.280
I don't feel, and I'm sorry if it comes across as entitled,

1228
01:06:22.280 --> 01:06:26.160
I don't feel that I should have to reach out again.

1229
01:06:26.160 --> 01:06:27.760
I already told him I was open to doing it.

1230
01:06:28.320 --> 01:06:30.240
I mean, we're talking no communication,

1231
01:06:30.240 --> 01:06:33.520
like no good morning, no calls, nothing.

1232
01:06:33.520 --> 01:06:35.680
I don't know if he's seeing other people, what?

1233
01:06:35.680 --> 01:06:38.840
So I just was like, no, we're probably just not met.

1234
01:06:38.840 --> 01:06:41.040
He's not religious anyway, or he's not spiritual anyway,

1235
01:06:41.040 --> 01:06:41.920
whatever, we're not met.

1236
01:06:41.920 --> 01:06:44.480
I'm just gonna start seeing other people.

1237
01:06:44.480 --> 01:06:46.040
Well, Natalie, okay, first,

1238
01:06:46.040 --> 01:06:47.360
you should be seeing other people

1239
01:06:47.360 --> 01:06:48.680
because the rule of thumb is,

1240
01:06:48.680 --> 01:06:50.640
I know you don't like to adopt this mindset,

1241
01:06:50.640 --> 01:06:52.320
but he's probably not your husband.

1242
01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:54.680
But you did have a good time with him.

1243
01:06:54.680 --> 01:06:56.360
You did have a good time with him.

1244
01:06:56.360 --> 01:06:59.440
And you can reach out to people again.

1245
01:06:59.440 --> 01:07:01.240
You don't wanna do it.

1246
01:07:01.240 --> 01:07:03.520
I know you say they should pursue you,

1247
01:07:03.520 --> 01:07:05.800
but you also have an issue with rejection

1248
01:07:05.800 --> 01:07:08.640
and you need to bury that thing in the grave.

1249
01:07:10.880 --> 01:07:13.480
You gotta bury it, Natalie.

1250
01:07:13.480 --> 01:07:14.320
You gotta bury it.

1251
01:07:14.320 --> 01:07:17.680
I'm not cool with the fact he hasn't reached out at all.

1252
01:07:17.680 --> 01:07:19.640
I'm like, why is he not communicating?

1253
01:07:19.640 --> 01:07:20.480
I shouldn't have to do that.

1254
01:07:20.480 --> 01:07:21.320
I don't know.

1255
01:07:21.320 --> 01:07:23.760
That's why you need to say something.

1256
01:07:24.040 --> 01:07:25.120
I don't know.

1257
01:07:27.120 --> 01:07:29.880
Natalie, Natalie, Natalie.

1258
01:07:29.880 --> 01:07:31.440
He could be thinking the same thing.

1259
01:07:31.440 --> 01:07:33.160
Maybe she's not that interested.

1260
01:07:33.160 --> 01:07:35.480
She hasn't said anything since that day.

1261
01:07:35.480 --> 01:07:39.040
All I'm saying is, if you say something,

1262
01:07:39.040 --> 01:07:42.560
you know you've done your part.

1263
01:07:42.560 --> 01:07:43.400
So if you say something

1264
01:07:43.400 --> 01:07:45.960
and they didn't respond for seven days, who cares?

1265
01:07:45.960 --> 01:07:46.880
I reached out to you.

1266
01:07:46.880 --> 01:07:48.760
Clearly, you don't wanna talk to me.

1267
01:07:48.760 --> 01:07:50.800
But when there has been absolutely no communication

1268
01:07:50.800 --> 01:07:53.440
from either side, we can't measure to see

1269
01:07:54.120 --> 01:07:55.240
if they wanna talk to you or not

1270
01:07:55.240 --> 01:07:57.520
because you ain't said nothing to him either.

1271
01:08:00.080 --> 01:08:02.120
The same insecurities we have

1272
01:08:02.120 --> 01:08:06.440
are the same insecurities another person can have.

1273
01:08:06.440 --> 01:08:08.000
Remember, we don't know this person.

1274
01:08:08.000 --> 01:08:09.120
We're getting to know them

1275
01:08:09.120 --> 01:08:10.760
and they may not be very confident.

1276
01:08:10.760 --> 01:08:12.560
It could be a lot of reasons,

1277
01:08:12.560 --> 01:08:15.880
but I don't enjoy spinning reasons through my mind

1278
01:08:15.880 --> 01:08:19.760
about what another person could be thinking or doing or why.

1279
01:08:20.760 --> 01:08:21.760
And I'm with you.

1280
01:08:21.760 --> 01:08:23.040
And I know, and I have,

1281
01:08:23.040 --> 01:08:25.000
it's not like I'm like this with every guy.

1282
01:08:25.000 --> 01:08:29.920
I have made more of an effort to put myself out there.

1283
01:08:29.920 --> 01:08:30.760
Thank you.

1284
01:08:30.760 --> 01:08:32.760
And I have texted and I have called

1285
01:08:32.760 --> 01:08:35.880
and I have asked hard questions and things like that.

1286
01:08:35.880 --> 01:08:39.520
But I guess I was just really taken back

1287
01:08:39.520 --> 01:08:42.200
because I noticed this was his MO.

1288
01:08:42.200 --> 01:08:45.720
Like I initiated, first of all, I liked him.

1289
01:08:45.720 --> 01:08:47.279
So I'll even give myself that.

1290
01:08:47.439 --> 01:08:48.279
Woo!

1291
01:08:49.399 --> 01:08:52.240
I liked him on the app first.

1292
01:08:52.240 --> 01:08:54.279
Okay, so that was a big one for me just right there.

1293
01:08:54.279 --> 01:08:57.720
And then I set up a video chat for us.

1294
01:08:57.720 --> 01:08:58.840
So I did that too.

1295
01:08:59.800 --> 01:09:01.359
And we had a nice conversation

1296
01:09:01.359 --> 01:09:03.760
and he set up our date immediately

1297
01:09:03.760 --> 01:09:06.720
and gave me three different choices and we had a great date.

1298
01:09:06.720 --> 01:09:09.359
But between that time, there was no communication.

1299
01:09:09.359 --> 01:09:11.160
So he's already, to me, set the tone.

1300
01:09:11.160 --> 01:09:12.359
Like he just, he's just,

1301
01:09:12.359 --> 01:09:14.399
maybe he's just more of an in-person kind of person,

1302
01:09:14.399 --> 01:09:16.479
but okay, that aside,

1303
01:09:16.520 --> 01:09:18.520
what would you recommend at this point?

1304
01:09:19.880 --> 01:09:21.160
I could proceed.

1305
01:09:21.160 --> 01:09:24.279
Like to say, hey, I know you mentioned us getting together.

1306
01:09:24.279 --> 01:09:25.479
I'd still be interested.

1307
01:09:25.479 --> 01:09:29.800
Do I say, what would that look like for you?

1308
01:09:29.800 --> 01:09:31.840
Or would you like to get dinner this week?

1309
01:09:31.840 --> 01:09:33.760
I know you mentioned getting together on Sunday.

1310
01:09:33.760 --> 01:09:36.319
What would you suggest I do?

1311
01:09:36.319 --> 01:09:39.439
When did he say y'all would be together Sunday?

1312
01:09:39.439 --> 01:09:42.319
So the last time I heard from him was Friday night.

1313
01:09:42.319 --> 01:09:45.040
He asked me out for Sunday night.

1314
01:09:45.040 --> 01:09:47.319
I told him I had plans this weekend

1315
01:09:47.319 --> 01:09:48.840
and I thanked him for the invitation,

1316
01:09:48.840 --> 01:09:51.760
but that I would be open to getting together another time

1317
01:09:51.760 --> 01:09:54.160
so we can discuss this further,

1318
01:09:54.160 --> 01:09:57.360
like we'll use that as a talking point.

1319
01:09:58.480 --> 01:10:00.280
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1320
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.880
So, oh, so this go a lot of ways.

1321
01:10:02.880 --> 01:10:03.360
Yeah.

1322
01:10:03.360 --> 01:10:06.200
How about you say, hey, so what did you have in mind

1323
01:10:06.200 --> 01:10:08.560
for us getting together again?

1324
01:10:08.560 --> 01:10:09.320
OK.

1325
01:10:09.320 --> 01:10:11.200
Yeah, I think that's a really good.

1326
01:10:11.200 --> 01:10:14.600
I wouldn't do all the options and stuff like that.

1327
01:10:14.600 --> 01:10:16.680
I just want to hear him respond back.

1328
01:10:19.280 --> 01:10:20.520
Right?

1329
01:10:20.520 --> 01:10:21.400
Yeah.

1330
01:10:21.400 --> 01:10:22.600
Yeah, yeah.

1331
01:10:22.600 --> 01:10:25.840
I would just say, hey, we haven't

1332
01:10:25.840 --> 01:10:29.080
chatted in a few days, haven't heard from you.

1333
01:10:29.080 --> 01:10:33.480
Just reaching out to see when that lets him know that you

1334
01:10:33.480 --> 01:10:34.960
did want to hear from him.

1335
01:10:34.960 --> 01:10:36.840
So, hey, haven't heard from you.

1336
01:10:36.840 --> 01:10:38.280
I'm reaching out to see when do you

1337
01:10:38.280 --> 01:10:39.920
want to reschedule our date.

1338
01:10:39.920 --> 01:10:42.080
I'm excited to get with you again,

1339
01:10:42.080 --> 01:10:44.160
hang out with you again.

1340
01:10:44.160 --> 01:10:46.040
OK.

1341
01:10:46.040 --> 01:10:47.120
Go for it, Natalie.

1342
01:10:47.120 --> 01:10:47.680
You got this.

1343
01:10:47.680 --> 01:10:48.200
I'll do it.

1344
01:10:51.200 --> 01:10:52.520
OK.

1345
01:10:52.520 --> 01:10:53.640
Go for it.

1346
01:10:53.640 --> 01:10:55.120
Tell me how it goes.

1347
01:10:55.120 --> 01:10:56.360
OK, thank you.

1348
01:10:56.360 --> 01:10:57.760
You're welcome.

1349
01:10:57.760 --> 01:11:00.400
Diana, it's been a while.

1350
01:11:04.960 --> 01:11:07.120
Yes, and I always have trouble unmuting.

1351
01:11:07.120 --> 01:11:08.080
Sorry.

1352
01:11:08.080 --> 01:11:09.600
It's OK.

1353
01:11:09.600 --> 01:11:12.960
So for those of you who don't know,

1354
01:11:12.960 --> 01:11:15.520
I had a reverse shoulder replacement surgery

1355
01:11:15.520 --> 01:11:19.600
done five weeks ago.

1356
01:11:19.600 --> 01:11:25.520
Friday, a gentleman contacted me on that new app, The Arc.

1357
01:11:25.520 --> 01:11:26.360
Yeah.

1358
01:11:26.360 --> 01:11:33.640
And he was somewhat local, so like 40 minutes from me.

1359
01:11:33.640 --> 01:11:35.520
So I responded.

1360
01:11:35.520 --> 01:11:37.200
His profile looked great.

1361
01:11:37.200 --> 01:11:41.120
He's a little older than I would usually date,

1362
01:11:41.120 --> 01:11:43.360
but I was trying to stay open to things.

1363
01:11:46.400 --> 01:11:52.160
I have difficulty texting because I'm right-handed

1364
01:11:52.160 --> 01:11:54.160
and it's my right shoulder.

1365
01:11:55.080 --> 01:12:01.880
So my responses to him were short and somewhat sweet,

1366
01:12:01.880 --> 01:12:03.520
anyway.

1367
01:12:03.520 --> 01:12:07.040
Then he would reply back with a book.

1368
01:12:07.040 --> 01:12:10.560
It was, oh my gosh.

1369
01:12:10.560 --> 01:12:16.520
Every single response was, I had to scroll constantly

1370
01:12:16.520 --> 01:12:20.120
to read everything that he wrote every time.

1371
01:12:20.120 --> 01:12:23.880
And so that was Friday.

1372
01:12:23.880 --> 01:12:35.400
Saturday, after our Zoom, he started in again.

1373
01:12:35.400 --> 01:12:37.200
It was all day Saturday.

1374
01:12:37.200 --> 01:12:43.520
So Saturday night, I suggested, it hurts so bad to respond.

1375
01:12:43.520 --> 01:12:46.760
And my answers were getting shorter and shorter.

1376
01:12:46.760 --> 01:12:51.680
And I just said, how about we talk on the phone

1377
01:12:51.680 --> 01:12:53.640
because I'm in pain?

1378
01:12:54.400 --> 01:12:57.360
I really am having trouble texting.

1379
01:12:57.360 --> 01:12:59.920
How about we talk and play Yahtzee?

1380
01:13:03.080 --> 01:13:05.720
Because we had talked about liking board games.

1381
01:13:08.200 --> 01:13:12.760
And so I put him on speakerphone and went upstairs

1382
01:13:12.760 --> 01:13:18.080
and share a home with my son and his children.

1383
01:13:18.080 --> 01:13:21.160
Anyway, I got the Yahtzee out and this guy

1384
01:13:21.160 --> 01:13:25.680
talked and talked and talked and talked and talked.

1385
01:13:25.680 --> 01:13:34.720
And I'm just like, tell me the words to shut this down

1386
01:13:34.720 --> 01:13:39.640
because I'm like, he has no friends.

1387
01:13:39.640 --> 01:13:42.760
He's lived in the area since 2021.

1388
01:13:42.760 --> 01:13:44.440
He's a widower.

1389
01:13:44.440 --> 01:13:48.560
He's got two adult children that live with him.

1390
01:13:48.640 --> 01:13:53.680
And he would want me to be his everything.

1391
01:13:53.680 --> 01:13:56.520
And I even talked to him about our Saturday call

1392
01:13:56.520 --> 01:14:01.600
about how we need friendships that are outside of a marriage.

1393
01:14:01.600 --> 01:14:05.560
And yeah, he has nobody.

1394
01:14:05.560 --> 01:14:10.520
And it's just like, cling on.

1395
01:14:10.520 --> 01:14:11.960
Oh, God help me.

1396
01:14:11.960 --> 01:14:14.120
Anyway, yeah.

1397
01:14:14.120 --> 01:14:22.400
So Sunday, he did wait until Sunday evening to contact me.

1398
01:14:22.400 --> 01:14:27.640
And I just kept it short and sweet.

1399
01:14:27.640 --> 01:14:32.480
And then last night, he sent me a message really late.

1400
01:14:32.480 --> 01:14:36.440
And all I replied was, I'm playing cards with my family.

1401
01:14:36.440 --> 01:14:39.160
And I didn't respond after that.

1402
01:14:39.160 --> 01:14:43.480
I feel bad, but at the same time, I don't.

1403
01:14:43.480 --> 01:14:48.120
OK, so help, help me.

1404
01:14:48.120 --> 01:14:48.960
Do you like him?

1405
01:14:51.760 --> 01:14:58.880
Maybe as a friend, definitely not further than that.

1406
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.600
Why don't you like him for the dinner?

1407
01:15:03.600 --> 01:15:07.320
Why do you like him as a friend?

1408
01:15:07.320 --> 01:15:15.280
I could see him being a potential for one of my friends, like, yeah.

1409
01:15:15.280 --> 01:15:22.360
What qualities, what qualities he had that make him, you consider him as a friend?

1410
01:15:23.360 --> 01:15:36.360
Really good values, morals, his outlook on life, with the exception of making his partner everything, is good.

1411
01:15:41.360 --> 01:15:43.360
Yeah, okay.

1412
01:15:43.360 --> 01:15:52.360
So, he sounds like he has some really good framework to be a good friend if someone has to, you know, so.

1413
01:15:52.360 --> 01:15:57.360
You like how he looks? Physically?

1414
01:15:57.360 --> 01:16:00.360
Uh, not so much.

1415
01:16:00.360 --> 01:16:06.360
Ah, that's why you don't want to make him more of your little boo thing. You don't like how he looks.

1416
01:16:06.360 --> 01:16:08.360
I was just playing.

1417
01:16:08.360 --> 01:16:12.360
I was trying to get out of my comfort zone.

1418
01:16:12.360 --> 01:16:20.360
Yeah, it's too much stretching. Sorry.

1419
01:16:20.360 --> 01:16:25.360
You work with a crocodile over there, ain't it?

1420
01:16:25.360 --> 01:16:28.360
Well, so this is what I want to say to you.

1421
01:16:28.360 --> 01:16:35.360
It'd be good if you can he meet you for a coffee date, you need to go on a date.

1422
01:16:35.360 --> 01:16:37.360
Yeah, he wants to go out to dinner.

1423
01:16:38.360 --> 01:16:41.360
I think that'd be good for you to go out and dinner with him.

1424
01:16:41.360 --> 01:16:47.360
It is good for you to go on a date, Diana, especially if he has these qualities that you've noticed so far.

1425
01:16:47.360 --> 01:16:50.360
He doesn't feel like a threat to you or like a danger.

1426
01:16:50.360 --> 01:16:54.360
He wants to go on a date. I think this would be a good guy to go on a date with.

1427
01:16:54.360 --> 01:16:59.360
If you do continue talking to him, you're going to have you recognize that he's anxiously attached.

1428
01:16:59.360 --> 01:17:05.360
If you're going to continue talking to him, you're going to have to do some work by breaking up his time.

1429
01:17:05.360 --> 01:17:10.360
So that means that you're going to be in control of when you talk to him and how long you talk to him.

1430
01:17:10.360 --> 01:17:13.360
You can do that by saying, hey, he could text you. You can wait a few hours.

1431
01:17:13.360 --> 01:17:17.360
Say, hey, I saw your text. I was a bit busy. You know what?

1432
01:17:17.360 --> 01:17:21.360
These hours right here work best for me. Right.

1433
01:17:21.360 --> 01:17:24.360
Then when you get on the phone, hey, so good to talk to you today.

1434
01:17:24.360 --> 01:17:30.360
What you got going on? I got about four to five minutes and I'm going to have to hang up because I need to do something.

1435
01:17:30.360 --> 01:17:33.360
Whatever you want to do, you can fold clothes. I don't care. You don't have to lie.

1436
01:17:33.360 --> 01:17:38.360
You just need to think of something that you're going to hang up with him to do.

1437
01:17:38.360 --> 01:17:47.360
So if you want to continue to get to know him, you just take control and you start pacing the time.

1438
01:17:47.360 --> 01:17:54.360
Right. And if I do think you should go dinner with him sooner than later.

1439
01:17:54.360 --> 01:18:00.360
OK. Yeah, because you've been cooped up in the house.

1440
01:18:00.360 --> 01:18:04.360
And he wants to get to know you. So I think that it would be a good idea.

1441
01:18:04.360 --> 01:18:09.360
You know, all the time. I'm just saying this. I'm not saying that he is the one or anybody is the one.

1442
01:18:09.360 --> 01:18:16.360
Sometimes people come with certain attachment styles, just like some of the ladies in this group have an anxious attachment style.

1443
01:18:16.360 --> 01:18:20.360
But it doesn't mean that gold doesn't live on the inside of us.

1444
01:18:20.360 --> 01:18:28.360
And sometimes when we're a bit more skilled and we know things, sometimes we have to kind of work around a person for that.

1445
01:18:28.360 --> 01:18:35.360
Right. I'm not I'm talking about when this person carries some good foundational things that can make for good getting to know person.

1446
01:18:35.360 --> 01:18:39.360
Sometimes we work with we don't work with lust. We don't work with perversion.

1447
01:18:39.360 --> 01:18:47.360
We don't work with anger, hostility. But if they have anxious attachment style, maybe you can, you know,

1448
01:18:47.360 --> 01:18:51.360
you kind of work with it to give yourself to look for the gold in them.

1449
01:18:51.360 --> 01:18:57.360
It may outweigh that attachment style that they're operating in and it may not.

1450
01:18:57.360 --> 01:19:04.360
But I'm just saying some things can be sometimes worth a little bit of a journey. Makes sense.

1451
01:19:04.360 --> 01:19:09.360
Yes. Yeah. Go for it. Tell me about the day when you come back sooner than later.

1452
01:19:10.360 --> 01:19:15.360
OK, thank you. You're pretty posting pictures. You're welcome.

1453
01:19:15.360 --> 01:19:25.360
Sky. OK, so I've got on some dates here locally.

1454
01:19:25.360 --> 01:19:31.360
A few weeks ago, you coached me because I was talking about long distance and I really thought about it.

1455
01:19:31.360 --> 01:19:35.360
I don't know how I ended up talking to this guy in Jackson, Wyoming.

1456
01:19:35.360 --> 01:19:41.360
He's 10 hours away from me, but like financially, I'm able to travel.

1457
01:19:41.360 --> 01:19:45.360
He's able to travel. We've been talking for about a month.

1458
01:19:45.360 --> 01:19:48.360
We met up in Boise halfway. I have friends in Boise.

1459
01:19:48.360 --> 01:19:52.360
So even if it was a total dud, I'm like, I'm still going to have a good time.

1460
01:19:52.360 --> 01:19:55.360
So it wasn't anything that would have been much of a sacrifice.

1461
01:19:55.360 --> 01:19:59.360
We met. He's so great. We've been FaceTiming, talking on the phone.

1462
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.760
own. I really like him. He's mature, masculine, marriage minded. It's very weird for me because

1463
01:20:07.760 --> 01:20:13.920
I have dated some really toxic guys and I'm used, I was used to that love bombing. He's

1464
01:20:13.920 --> 01:20:19.840
very intentional, um, communicates really well, isn't over the top, gives me compliments,

1465
01:20:19.840 --> 01:20:24.760
but they're polite and respectful. So there's really nothing in like my brain's like trying

1466
01:20:24.760 --> 01:20:31.480
to find something wrong with him. I'm like, Oh, well he's not as tall as I would've liked

1467
01:20:31.480 --> 01:20:36.320
or just, you know, little things that don't matter. I'm attracted to him, but not overly

1468
01:20:36.320 --> 01:20:42.200
attracted to him, which I think is good for me with my history of just like going for

1469
01:20:42.200 --> 01:20:47.760
looks and, um, things like that. So I've gone on a couple of dates with a couple other guys

1470
01:20:47.760 --> 01:20:53.920
since then, just because I know I don't want to get too attached to him, but I'm really

1471
01:20:53.920 --> 01:20:59.120
just not liking anyone else that I talked to. Um, we have another, he was ready to come

1472
01:20:59.120 --> 01:21:06.840
visit me here. We did talk about splitting, um, plane tickets, um, lodging, things like

1473
01:21:06.840 --> 01:21:11.480
that for visits. And we're both on board with that. So I know he's responsible with money

1474
01:21:11.480 --> 01:21:18.040
and, um, is able to afford that. So, um, we have another trip planned to meet in Boise

1475
01:21:18.040 --> 01:21:25.440
again in like three or four weeks. Um, so I know you've talked about the acceleration

1476
01:21:25.440 --> 01:21:29.400
that can happen when you're talking a lot with long distance. And so I'm kind of trying

1477
01:21:29.400 --> 01:21:34.840
to figure out, I haven't really done long distance before figuring out the timeline

1478
01:21:34.840 --> 01:21:40.640
for like how much time to spend with him on the next trip. I'm going to work remote because

1479
01:21:40.640 --> 01:21:44.200
I can work remote. So I'm going to stay for a couple of nights and like see friends. And

1480
01:21:44.200 --> 01:21:49.800
so we're going to see each other a couple of days in a row, but not the whole time.

1481
01:21:49.800 --> 01:21:56.760
But like how much time is appropriate to spend with him by then we'll have been talking for

1482
01:21:56.760 --> 01:22:01.520
two months and then we have a tentative plan if we're still talking and he still likes

1483
01:22:01.520 --> 01:22:08.220
me and I still like him, he'll come here in August. And then I'm actually already going

1484
01:22:08.220 --> 01:22:14.460
to Jackson with my family in September cause my dad wants to go there to see Yellowstone.

1485
01:22:14.460 --> 01:22:21.780
So we have availability to see each other every month, but we also are holding it loosely

1486
01:22:21.780 --> 01:22:31.780
knowing that we might decide we like someone else. Right. Um, so your question is how much

1487
01:22:31.780 --> 01:22:37.460
time to spend. Yeah. And just kind of like how that timeline, cause it just feels like

1488
01:22:37.700 --> 01:22:45.460
everything feels normal, which feels abnormal to me if I'm being honest. So I'm like, okay,

1489
01:22:45.460 --> 01:22:50.340
I want to like kind of pull back and take it really slow, but I don't, it feels peaceful

1490
01:22:50.340 --> 01:22:59.220
and safe and respectful and just enjoy getting to know him. That's good Sky. Yeah. I think

1491
01:22:59.220 --> 01:23:03.540
that when you do meet up, if I had to say you want to spend the biggest of your time

1492
01:23:03.540 --> 01:23:09.620
with him because you guys don't get to see each other and experience beats FaceTime,

1493
01:23:09.620 --> 01:23:14.740
you need to experience him. Yeah. Y'all this, everybody, that is the, the, the thing about

1494
01:23:14.740 --> 01:23:18.820
when you date long distance, you don't get to experience that person. You spend more

1495
01:23:18.820 --> 01:23:22.980
time talking to them than you do experiencing them and experiencing them is going to really

1496
01:23:22.980 --> 01:23:28.500
show you if you really do like them or not. And so I say that when you go to meet him,

1497
01:23:28.500 --> 01:23:32.820
even if your friends are in town, maybe y'all do some dates by yourself and then you maybe

1498
01:23:32.820 --> 01:23:37.780
do other dates in community. So like everybody goes to the bowling alley because you also

1499
01:23:37.780 --> 01:23:42.820
see how he interacts around other people around your community. All of those things are really

1500
01:23:42.820 --> 01:23:48.820
important. And so you need experience with him. Okay. Yeah. And that's another question

1501
01:23:48.820 --> 01:23:53.140
I had was just how, like, how soon do I bring him into community with my friends? Because

1502
01:23:54.180 --> 01:23:58.020
technically, I mean, we FaceTimed a couple of times and we've met in person, but technically

1503
01:23:58.020 --> 01:24:02.580
that's like our second in-person date. So I didn't want to just bombard him with friends,

1504
01:24:02.580 --> 01:24:07.860
but in August, if he does come out here to my girlfriends from California are going to be up

1505
01:24:07.860 --> 01:24:12.500
here. So I'll have friends that want to meet him. And he was open to coming to like a concert and

1506
01:24:13.060 --> 01:24:19.940
doing dinner before our concert. So. Well, so this is what I'm going to say,

1507
01:24:19.940 --> 01:24:29.460
if you're talking about, give me one second. If you're talking about hanging out as a group,

1508
01:24:29.460 --> 01:24:33.220
that's different than introducing him to your community, like important people,

1509
01:24:33.220 --> 01:24:36.580
like people you would introduce him to when you're saying, this is a thing.

1510
01:24:37.300 --> 01:24:44.900
Right. So you just start hanging out. Right. But if y'all are meeting up now, if you are

1511
01:24:44.900 --> 01:24:50.340
particularly really attracted to him, then your time alone, you're going to want to guard that

1512
01:24:50.340 --> 01:24:55.700
time alone. I like me that I'm not overly attracted to me, physically attracted to,

1513
01:24:55.700 --> 01:25:00.260
because the more time we spend together, the more you're going to want to touch or be more physical.

1514
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.340
Everybody may not be that way. I'm that way. So I have to guard myself in those situations because I know me, right?

1515
01:25:06.480 --> 01:25:12.320
So so when I say hang out with people that you know, these people people in your community and know you date people

1516
01:25:12.320 --> 01:25:14.640
They know you get to know people so they're not saying ooh

1517
01:25:15.280 --> 01:25:18.840
This is guys, you know boo thing or something like that

1518
01:25:18.840 --> 01:25:21.720
And so that means y'all are hanging out

1519
01:25:21.720 --> 01:25:26.840
But you're still hanging out in a much bigger crowd and then you want to do activities when you hang out with him

1520
01:25:27.000 --> 01:25:29.720
Instead of like so give you example, so

1521
01:25:30.400 --> 01:25:35.280
The person I date is long-distance three hours away. So if I go up there on a Friday

1522
01:25:35.280 --> 01:25:40.760
I'll stay with somebody and I go stay I stay Friday and Saturday. We only see each other twice a month

1523
01:25:40.760 --> 01:25:46.160
So when I get there on Friday, we're doing well if it's after work, we do dinner. We hang out

1524
01:25:46.160 --> 01:25:51.600
I go to my friend's house. I wake up the next morning. I do breakfast then we do lunch with somebody

1525
01:25:52.360 --> 01:25:58.080
And then we'll go painting we'll go to the park we'll go bowling with a group of people and then that night we'll do dinner

1526
01:25:58.080 --> 01:26:01.640
Then I'll go home the next day, but we're together that whole time

1527
01:26:02.160 --> 01:26:08.240
We're out incorporating people. We're starting the day early because I'm getting biggest bang for my book

1528
01:26:08.240 --> 01:26:10.480
I am doing with his community

1529
01:26:10.480 --> 01:26:16.520
We're just integrating people so that we can have fun experiences and hang out with other people. So that's what I'm telling you

1530
01:26:16.600 --> 01:26:21.580
Okay. Yeah, I like that. That makes sense. Good. Okay, sounds good. Thank you

1531
01:26:21.920 --> 01:26:23.920
You're welcome. Oh

1532
01:26:25.200 --> 01:26:27.200
Ashley

1533
01:26:31.920 --> 01:26:33.920
All right, can you hear me? Yeah

1534
01:26:34.520 --> 01:26:36.040
Okay, perfect

1535
01:26:36.040 --> 01:26:41.680
So I have not yet even started trying to get on to online dating yet

1536
01:26:43.120 --> 01:26:48.640
After being off of it for a bit of time and the reason why is and this is my question is

1537
01:26:49.520 --> 01:26:51.520
It is so

1538
01:26:51.600 --> 01:26:53.040
exhausting to me

1539
01:26:53.040 --> 01:26:58.680
When you have to make small talk because I am in the medical field

1540
01:26:58.680 --> 01:27:00.680
So I have to talk to people all day

1541
01:27:00.880 --> 01:27:06.960
And so then it to try to come home and have the same conversation with people 18,000 times

1542
01:27:08.240 --> 01:27:11.440
So, how do you even get past that?

1543
01:27:13.640 --> 01:27:17.320
To even want to like that's why like I've been on and off

1544
01:27:18.320 --> 01:27:20.840
Online dating apps for a very long time

1545
01:27:21.440 --> 01:27:25.920
Because I would like get on and be like, okay, I can't deal with this. This is too much time

1546
01:27:25.920 --> 01:27:27.920
I thought that I had time but I don't

1547
01:27:30.400 --> 01:27:32.400
It's emotionally exhausting, how about that?

1548
01:27:32.720 --> 01:27:39.280
Yeah, it can be exhausting. I think we all can attest to that anybody on here. It is exhausting and draining

1549
01:27:40.240 --> 01:27:47.280
one thing you can do though is you have other ways of meeting people if you're if you have a lot of community and

1550
01:27:47.840 --> 01:27:48.800
you have

1551
01:27:48.800 --> 01:27:53.800
The gym you have like there you go places where single people hang out it

1552
01:27:53.800 --> 01:27:55.320
I don't know what your community is like

1553
01:27:55.320 --> 01:28:00.640
Those are options for you just throwing that out there if we're specifically talking about online dating too

1554
01:28:00.640 --> 01:28:07.040
Cuz I don't like us to forget about the norm like not normal, but just natural way of meeting people in community

1555
01:28:07.760 --> 01:28:12.480
Walking up to people talking in the grocery store. Like those are all real things

1556
01:28:13.400 --> 01:28:18.760
So this is what I live in the syphilis capital of the world, how about that in the hoop?

1557
01:28:18.760 --> 01:28:25.960
I live in the syphilis capital of the world. I'm in Norfolk, Virginia. So it is Navy guys up the wazoo

1558
01:28:27.800 --> 01:28:30.560
Yeah, it's but all of them have STDs

1559
01:28:34.080 --> 01:28:36.080
Okay, no, that's a no-go

1560
01:28:36.280 --> 01:28:42.040
But oh my what you have to do actually is you're gonna have to narrow down pick people that you really want to get to

1561
01:28:42.040 --> 01:28:43.480
know

1562
01:28:43.480 --> 01:28:48.680
Set a time give yourself 30 minutes say I'm gonna spend 30 minutes. I'm gonna spend 15 minutes

1563
01:28:48.680 --> 01:28:52.920
I don't care what you spend but you're gonna set a time and you can do that three times a week or two times a

1564
01:28:52.920 --> 01:28:54.920
week and then you're gonna

1565
01:28:55.480 --> 01:29:01.880
Like people back that you really do want to get to know I already have the small talk down that you're gonna use

1566
01:29:02.160 --> 01:29:06.740
So look, hey great. How's your day going or whatever you're gonna say?

1567
01:29:08.120 --> 01:29:09.480
me

1568
01:29:09.480 --> 01:29:13.920
What I do is this is not a rule this is me I

1569
01:29:14.840 --> 01:29:21.760
Don't do going on apps very well to talk to people after the first time I connect with you the second day that I talk

1570
01:29:21.760 --> 01:29:24.320
To you. I am going to ask to exchange numbers

1571
01:29:25.000 --> 01:29:29.000
That's what I do. I don't like going in an app exchanging text

1572
01:29:29.000 --> 01:29:32.240
You can text me on my phone because if I don't want to talk anymore, I can block you. I

1573
01:29:33.240 --> 01:29:37.820
Start out with the Google number and so, you know, you maybe you want to do that

1574
01:29:37.820 --> 01:29:44.260
But after the second time I've talked to a person granted they've given me I'm not gonna keep communicating back and forth

1575
01:29:44.260 --> 01:29:48.660
I just don't have the capacity for it and I don't keep going into an app

1576
01:29:48.660 --> 01:29:54.700
I just don't like it. And so by the second day at the latest the third day I am exchanging number

1577
01:29:54.700 --> 01:29:59.980
I'm like, hey, I would like to get to know you better. Is this something that you're interested in?

1578
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.760
So I always want to hear their buy-in and then when they say yes, I'm gonna say great. Here's my number

1579
01:30:06.920 --> 01:30:12.780
Let's go ahead and shoot each other quick text to lock each other in when we do that. I tell them my availability

1580
01:30:13.780 --> 01:30:19.120
Okay voice conversation. I don't like also I don't prefer texting a person that I don't know

1581
01:30:20.240 --> 01:30:24.540
Mm-hmm, like I don't like to continue this long text journey with you

1582
01:30:24.540 --> 01:30:28.900
And I'm not even heard your voice before and so that may be something that will work for you

1583
01:30:28.900 --> 01:30:31.720
Actually not having the capacity to do this back-and-forth talk

1584
01:30:32.980 --> 01:30:35.000
My goal is always the same goal

1585
01:30:35.000 --> 01:30:39.300
I give you guys with the Jackie gives us with a local person is I need a coffee date

1586
01:30:39.500 --> 01:30:44.240
I'm not interested in talking on the phone to people all the time. I'm more interested in a date and

1587
01:30:45.160 --> 01:30:50.960
that's where I think that I almost send the wrong message to people because like as soon as you text me or

1588
01:30:51.580 --> 01:30:54.940
Chit chat on because I don't get my phone number on the date in apps

1589
01:30:55.300 --> 01:30:59.200
Because I had I had a co-worker who got stalked and it was a big thing

1590
01:30:59.200 --> 01:31:01.500
But I think I hear about Google numbers now

1591
01:31:01.500 --> 01:31:02.860
So we're gonna try that

1592
01:31:02.860 --> 01:31:09.160
but like I will almost immediately be like let's go meet up for a drink or a coffee or something because I don't want to

1593
01:31:09.160 --> 01:31:13.700
Like because I'm a better judge of like do I even want to get to know you?

1594
01:31:14.340 --> 01:31:16.540
I like in person versus

1595
01:31:17.320 --> 01:31:20.700
Versus dating or versus talking right on this app

1596
01:31:20.780 --> 01:31:23.260
But then I think that I

1597
01:31:24.380 --> 01:31:29.660
Think that it typically leads to people thinking that it's more of a hookup culture

1598
01:31:31.380 --> 01:31:33.380
Well

1599
01:31:33.420 --> 01:31:37.820
Yeah, um, you know, maybe say instead of saying let's go get a drink say let's go get a cup of coffee

1600
01:31:39.780 --> 01:31:46.380
Because a drink could give out a vibe it could it really could grab a drink but that's just your language

1601
01:31:46.380 --> 01:31:48.860
You're basically saying let's get to know each other

1602
01:31:48.860 --> 01:31:54.220
Maybe you may not like coffee, but just get a cup of jasmine tea. I don't know but it push you in the daytime

1603
01:31:55.220 --> 01:32:01.460
It was getting to know them and then after that if you like the more then you can say you want to meet up

1604
01:32:01.460 --> 01:32:05.260
You know a local place for you know a drink if that's what you want to do

1605
01:32:05.740 --> 01:32:10.860
But yeah, what cuts your time down from all this back and forth rigmarole that you're not into

1606
01:32:11.740 --> 01:32:13.740
Okay

1607
01:32:13.820 --> 01:32:15.820
I

1608
01:32:15.820 --> 01:32:21.700
Will try it with the 30 minutes and the Google and the number with the with the text me

1609
01:32:21.700 --> 01:32:25.300
Thank you people. You really want to talk to that's gonna really help you. Oh

1610
01:32:25.820 --> 01:32:28.060
There's very few people that I really want to talk to you. Anyway, so

1611
01:32:31.580 --> 01:32:33.180
Okay

1612
01:32:33.180 --> 01:32:39.580
I've been on these dates for so my last I my last big relationship was like

1613
01:32:39.740 --> 01:32:43.020
Almost a decade ago with marriage. And so it was

1614
01:32:44.460 --> 01:32:48.900
We're just we're just circling around at this point. Now. There's a couple of us who are just like, oh my gosh

1615
01:32:48.900 --> 01:32:51.420
So you're back on here. I'll see you again

1616
01:32:53.620 --> 01:32:55.620
Yeah

1617
01:32:56.260 --> 01:32:59.100
Yeah, yeah, no, I get it

1618
01:33:02.620 --> 01:33:05.580
Thank you, you're welcome Elizabeth I

1619
01:33:05.940 --> 01:33:08.340
Yes, this is my first time so

1620
01:33:09.660 --> 01:33:13.100
correct me if this is not the right question either, but I

1621
01:33:13.940 --> 01:33:19.100
Have I'm getting out and dating this week. We're gonna go online. I suppose and just launch into that

1622
01:33:19.620 --> 01:33:24.740
But I any kind of wisdom around I tend to in the past

1623
01:33:27.540 --> 01:33:31.580
Kind of really put put myself like do anything to be liked

1624
01:33:31.740 --> 01:33:33.580
And loved

1625
01:33:33.580 --> 01:33:36.220
so I forget who I am or my

1626
01:33:37.100 --> 01:33:39.260
struggle with low self-worth so I've

1627
01:33:40.300 --> 01:33:41.980
tended to

1628
01:33:41.980 --> 01:33:43.980
Put myself in a you know

1629
01:33:43.980 --> 01:33:47.980
Like if I figure out who they what I think they would he would like of me

1630
01:33:47.980 --> 01:33:53.340
I usually fit in in the past fit into that. Do you have any guidance on how to kind of?

1631
01:33:54.060 --> 01:33:57.500
Come at this a different way already just out of the gate even

1632
01:33:57.820 --> 01:34:02.940
Yeah, one thing you have to do is it's gonna be an inner talk thing

1633
01:34:03.820 --> 01:34:08.620
And you're gonna keep reminding yourself that this time I get to show up as me

1634
01:34:09.180 --> 01:34:12.780
And refuse to show up into anybody else like you have to tell yourself

1635
01:34:12.780 --> 01:34:15.100
I am refusing to show up as anybody else

1636
01:34:15.100 --> 01:34:19.900
But me one of the things that helped me is that I realized that dating can be one of the biggest

1637
01:34:20.060 --> 01:34:22.940
Scams there are because people will send me a lot of text messages

1638
01:34:23.020 --> 01:34:27.580
That I realized that dating can be one of the biggest scams there are because people will send their

1639
01:34:27.960 --> 01:34:33.580
Representative and so elizabeth this time this is going to be your your thing to practice. You're going to say yeah

1640
01:34:33.740 --> 01:34:35.420
I'm about to practice this

1641
01:34:35.420 --> 01:34:40.060
I'm going to show up as elizabeth and i'm only going to do what elizabeth wants to do and it doesn't matter how it comes

1642
01:34:40.140 --> 01:34:45.180
Out. Okay. So the first opportunity you get to go against something do it with everything in you

1643
01:34:45.660 --> 01:34:50.700
Like they say you want to do coffee. No, I want lunch. I don't care what it is

1644
01:34:51.260 --> 01:34:55.180
Every little chance you get to show up as elizabeth not just on the date

1645
01:34:55.500 --> 01:35:00.080
But in everything because what you do in one area spills over into the next area

1646
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:01.200
I love it.

1647
01:35:01.200 --> 01:35:04.400
Yeah, so every change you get, rebel against it.

1648
01:35:04.400 --> 01:35:05.240
Okay, I will.

1649
01:35:05.240 --> 01:35:07.280
Say, I'm going to be true to me.

1650
01:35:07.280 --> 01:35:08.720
Okay.

1651
01:35:08.720 --> 01:35:10.640
Okay, so that means if somebody asks you to do something

1652
01:35:10.640 --> 01:35:12.040
you don't want to do, say, no, I don't want to do it.

1653
01:35:12.040 --> 01:35:13.320
I don't know why, but I don't.

1654
01:35:13.320 --> 01:35:14.160
Okay.

1655
01:35:14.160 --> 01:35:16.040
Or just say no for the heck of it.

1656
01:35:16.040 --> 01:35:17.040
I have to do it.

1657
01:35:17.040 --> 01:35:18.320
Like, I would just say, no.

1658
01:35:18.320 --> 01:35:19.840
You don't want to know, huh?

1659
01:35:19.840 --> 01:35:21.000
No, I don't want to.

1660
01:35:21.000 --> 01:35:24.400
Please do it, there's no explanation

1661
01:35:24.400 --> 01:35:26.200
to get that muscle working.

1662
01:35:26.200 --> 01:35:28.040
Okay, perfect, thank you.

1663
01:35:28.040 --> 01:35:29.960
Okay, and post on the wall.

1664
01:35:30.800 --> 01:35:32.320
Something this week that you said no to.

1665
01:35:32.320 --> 01:35:33.360
All right, I will.

1666
01:35:33.360 --> 01:35:34.480
I want to hear from you.

1667
01:35:34.480 --> 01:35:36.560
Okay, you got it, thank you.

1668
01:35:36.560 --> 01:35:37.600
You're welcome.

1669
01:35:37.600 --> 01:35:38.440
Felicia.

1670
01:35:40.120 --> 01:35:41.640
Oh, hey, hey, hey.

1671
01:35:41.640 --> 01:35:42.480
Thank you.

1672
01:35:44.640 --> 01:35:48.920
The guy I was talking to, I put him on a break

1673
01:35:49.760 --> 01:35:52.320
because he's throwing tantrums.

1674
01:35:54.880 --> 01:35:57.200
Like I said, he was, you know,

1675
01:35:57.200 --> 01:35:58.960
going on with that love bombing thing

1676
01:35:58.960 --> 01:36:01.240
and it was overwhelming me.

1677
01:36:01.240 --> 01:36:03.200
So I start to space it out

1678
01:36:03.200 --> 01:36:05.080
and he was not having that at all.

1679
01:36:06.000 --> 01:36:10.560
So I decide to take away FaceTime.

1680
01:36:11.400 --> 01:36:14.240
I take away access, you know,

1681
01:36:14.240 --> 01:36:16.200
consistent access to me.

1682
01:36:17.120 --> 01:36:22.120
And I just know he's throwing tantrums, you know.

1683
01:36:24.120 --> 01:36:27.920
He say things, not all the way disrespectful,

1684
01:36:27.920 --> 01:36:30.120
but hard stuff, you know,

1685
01:36:30.120 --> 01:36:34.680
like he would say women in our age

1686
01:36:34.680 --> 01:36:37.320
are looking for a perfect relationship

1687
01:36:38.200 --> 01:36:40.200
and, you know, stuff like that.

1688
01:36:40.200 --> 01:36:43.720
And there's no perfect relationship.

1689
01:36:43.720 --> 01:36:46.000
And so, you know, stuff like that.

1690
01:36:46.000 --> 01:36:47.920
So I do put him on a break.

1691
01:36:47.920 --> 01:36:49.840
I think I need to do that.

1692
01:36:49.840 --> 01:36:52.240
But I let him also know I am doing it.

1693
01:36:53.400 --> 01:36:56.160
I am, you know, put him on this break

1694
01:36:56.160 --> 01:36:59.080
where he has no access to FaceTime with me.

1695
01:36:59.080 --> 01:37:01.960
He still call like once and he will text and say,

1696
01:37:01.960 --> 01:37:04.240
I'm just trying to see if it, you know,

1697
01:37:04.240 --> 01:37:08.440
if you will talk to me or he wants to see me.

1698
01:37:08.440 --> 01:37:09.920
And I just decide, you know,

1699
01:37:09.920 --> 01:37:11.680
that's something I felt great.

1700
01:37:11.680 --> 01:37:13.840
One other thing I want to say too,

1701
01:37:13.840 --> 01:37:18.640
I have learned so much of just being empowered

1702
01:37:18.640 --> 01:37:22.720
of what the teaching on from all of you

1703
01:37:22.720 --> 01:37:26.040
and how to put myself in that place

1704
01:37:26.920 --> 01:37:30.200
of being not entitled, but empowerment.

1705
01:37:30.200 --> 01:37:34.960
And I realized so much of what I can do

1706
01:37:34.960 --> 01:37:37.320
without doing it because I, you know,

1707
01:37:37.320 --> 01:37:39.240
I feel like I should do it,

1708
01:37:39.240 --> 01:37:42.320
but do it because this is what I need to do.

1709
01:37:42.320 --> 01:37:45.040
And I am learning so much.

1710
01:37:45.040 --> 01:37:47.520
I mean, it's so, it's just,

1711
01:37:47.520 --> 01:37:50.120
I would say to the ladies, just do this dating thing.

1712
01:37:50.120 --> 01:37:52.720
You're gonna learn so much.

1713
01:37:52.720 --> 01:37:54.680
There's so much to learn from it.

1714
01:37:54.720 --> 01:37:56.160
I'm learning so much from it.

1715
01:37:56.160 --> 01:37:58.640
And just the thing to able to just put this guy

1716
01:37:58.640 --> 01:38:03.240
on that pause and let him know, I'm taking myself back.

1717
01:38:03.240 --> 01:38:04.680
I'm taking me back.

1718
01:38:04.680 --> 01:38:06.640
He's not understanding any of that.

1719
01:38:06.640 --> 01:38:08.000
He's seen it the other way.

1720
01:38:08.000 --> 01:38:09.040
Cause he's not in coaching.

1721
01:38:09.040 --> 01:38:10.360
He doesn't, he don't want to do dating

1722
01:38:10.360 --> 01:38:12.240
and he's in his sixties,

1723
01:38:12.240 --> 01:38:13.600
but I just believe it's the right thing.

1724
01:38:13.600 --> 01:38:18.000
Any coaching on that, that era for me.

1725
01:38:18.000 --> 01:38:19.400
And also I'm talking to other people.

1726
01:38:19.400 --> 01:38:21.280
I have a call tonight after this,

1727
01:38:21.560 --> 01:38:23.400
to talk.

1728
01:38:23.400 --> 01:38:26.000
And another thing you answered is that,

1729
01:38:26.000 --> 01:38:27.440
the men they're dragging their feet.

1730
01:38:27.440 --> 01:38:28.920
I'm a kind of direct person.

1731
01:38:28.920 --> 01:38:30.600
I want to know that if I'm texting for today,

1732
01:38:30.600 --> 01:38:32.080
next tomorrow, I need to,

1733
01:38:32.080 --> 01:38:35.080
but I normally don't initiate like exchange numbers.

1734
01:38:35.080 --> 01:38:36.760
So I think I'm going to start doing that now.

1735
01:38:36.760 --> 01:38:38.960
Like, Hey, let's talk.

1736
01:38:38.960 --> 01:38:40.960
I wait for them to say, let's talk.

1737
01:38:40.960 --> 01:38:43.560
I think I need to start doing it instead of this.

1738
01:38:43.560 --> 01:38:45.880
I can't do this long text on the app.

1739
01:38:45.880 --> 01:38:46.720
I can't do it.

1740
01:38:47.560 --> 01:38:48.400
Yeah.

1741
01:38:49.440 --> 01:38:50.360
No, yeah.

1742
01:38:50.360 --> 01:38:51.720
That's so good, Felicia.

1743
01:38:51.720 --> 01:38:53.240
I'm really happy for you.

1744
01:38:53.240 --> 01:38:56.320
And I'm glad you are this young man

1745
01:38:56.320 --> 01:38:58.000
that you are being,

1746
01:38:58.000 --> 01:39:01.080
like doing things that help you to,

1747
01:39:02.800 --> 01:39:06.400
help you to display the powerful woman that you are.

1748
01:39:06.400 --> 01:39:08.400
And sometimes a lot of these guys,

1749
01:39:08.400 --> 01:39:10.200
we are dating, we,

1750
01:39:10.200 --> 01:39:12.320
this is what you get to practice.

1751
01:39:13.360 --> 01:39:15.920
You get to say without a fear of losing,

1752
01:39:15.920 --> 01:39:17.960
like, Hey, look, no, I don't want to talk about that.

1753
01:39:17.960 --> 01:39:19.360
Or we're going to talk at this time

1754
01:39:19.360 --> 01:39:20.680
or we're going to do this

1755
01:39:20.680 --> 01:39:23.160
because it really is push you in the seat

1756
01:39:23.160 --> 01:39:25.200
that you already exceeding it

1757
01:39:25.200 --> 01:39:28.400
and you just don't know how to operate from that place.

1758
01:39:30.560 --> 01:39:33.360
And so, yeah, I think this is really good

1759
01:39:33.360 --> 01:39:35.360
what you're doing and what you're learning

1760
01:39:35.360 --> 01:39:38.720
and how you are navigating dating.

1761
01:39:41.600 --> 01:39:42.440
Great.

1762
01:39:42.440 --> 01:39:43.280
Yeah.

1763
01:39:43.280 --> 01:39:44.160
And I agree with you about,

1764
01:39:44.160 --> 01:39:45.640
I'm very much,

1765
01:39:45.640 --> 01:39:50.640
I don't have a lot of capacity for this drawn out stuff.

1766
01:39:51.360 --> 01:39:54.360
And I don't like to deal with a lot of thoughts.

1767
01:39:54.360 --> 01:39:56.640
So I just say what I'm going to say.

1768
01:39:57.680 --> 01:39:58.520
That's it.

1769
01:39:58.520 --> 01:40:00.720
I'm not, I don't like to sit wondering about.

1770
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.720
what somebody's going to do next. All I know is what I'm going to do, what I'm going to do,

1771
01:40:04.720 --> 01:40:11.360
and then I'm going to put, I'm going to do what I'm going to do. Right, right. So like I put him

1772
01:40:11.360 --> 01:40:17.920
on this pause, it's so healthy for me, such a healthy, such a healthy place to be that I can

1773
01:40:17.920 --> 01:40:23.440
do this and you know, and I don't know when I'm going to talk to him. I just don't know. Right

1774
01:40:23.440 --> 01:40:27.680
now it's not a good time because he's just throwing tantrum like a little kid. And I know

1775
01:40:27.680 --> 01:40:33.280
in the beginning, I said, I'm looking for mature. That's one of my requests. And about now you're

1776
01:40:33.280 --> 01:40:38.560
not being mature. You know, you're throwing love bomb tantrum. And I, and I said, he can learn

1777
01:40:38.560 --> 01:40:44.480
something from this. You know, as I healthy pull myself away, this is not going to be it. I think

1778
01:40:44.480 --> 01:40:48.720
it's just a healthy place to be. I'm learning, hope he learned something from it. And it's

1779
01:40:48.720 --> 01:40:54.480
exciting to do that. Thank you guys. Yeah. Well, good. I'm glad. And so you like him enough to

1780
01:40:54.480 --> 01:41:02.880
keep talking to him as well? I think I'm more like for me to learn, learn what I need to learn

1781
01:41:02.880 --> 01:41:10.240
from it and for him to learn something if he wants to. But I don't know based on the few things that

1782
01:41:10.240 --> 01:41:16.800
he said, if they're very, you know, they're accusations. I don't like them, but they're

1783
01:41:16.800 --> 01:41:22.160
kind of things for me to learn too. So let's say they're, you know. That's good. Yeah. I like,

1784
01:41:22.160 --> 01:41:27.920
I like your perspective on that. Yeah. That's great. Felicia. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for

1785
01:41:27.920 --> 01:41:32.400
sharing. I'll follow up with you guys more on that. Okay. That'd be great. We like to follow up.

1786
01:41:32.960 --> 01:41:38.800
Okay. All right, ladies, Tammy, I hope you got off a good start to online dating. Did you say

1787
01:41:38.800 --> 01:41:43.200
you want to go online and start dating Tammy? No, you didn't. Were you supposed to date somebody

1788
01:41:43.200 --> 01:41:51.040
or talk to somebody? Me? Yeah. No. I'm on a fast. That's right. You were going to hold out. Thank

1789
01:41:51.040 --> 01:41:58.000
you. Sorry. No. Yeah. But I got, there's been several, I don't know, six notifications or

1790
01:41:58.000 --> 01:42:05.360
something, but I have not gone on the site or anything. I just, but I love the fact

1791
01:42:07.040 --> 01:42:12.560
that I was reading through the whole ARC thing because ARC sent me something and I like the

1792
01:42:12.560 --> 01:42:20.160
fact that it's Bible. You get to put your denomination and things like that. So I still

1793
01:42:20.240 --> 01:42:28.960
have 11 days of the fast and I'm like, yeah, just even drawing closer to the Lord. And

1794
01:42:29.840 --> 01:42:38.240
he's just, it's been sweet, you know? And so, but yeah. So I'm not doing that because it's,

1795
01:42:38.240 --> 01:42:43.200
it's too much of a distraction, but during the fast I've been on Facebook and I've been on

1796
01:42:43.200 --> 01:42:49.040
YouTube and that's a no, no for me during the fast, you know? So I've been distracted just

1797
01:42:49.520 --> 01:42:56.800
reading different things and I'm like, so I need to cut that. But, you know, but listening to all

1798
01:42:56.800 --> 01:43:05.280
of you, I've just learned so much tonight. You know, that just, I, yeah. So if I, me coming,

1799
01:43:05.280 --> 01:43:11.280
you know, Tuesday nights is good for me. Yeah. I haven't dated in like seven or eight years.

1800
01:43:12.080 --> 01:43:19.600
So long time or six years, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. So this is good, but you're really

1801
01:43:19.600 --> 01:43:25.040
good. You're a very good coach, you know, to just come out and say it like it is and,

1802
01:43:26.000 --> 01:43:30.080
and all that. So thank you for that. Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome. I love the

1803
01:43:30.080 --> 01:43:36.560
vulnerability of the women, the ladies here and, you know, just sharing their heart and just really,

1804
01:43:37.360 --> 01:43:45.440
yeah, you know, just it's great. That's good. Yeah. Awesome. All right. Thank you. Awesome.

1805
01:43:45.440 --> 01:43:50.400
You're welcome. Awesome ladies. I've enjoyed y'all tonight, Lolita. I will miss you because

1806
01:43:50.400 --> 01:43:55.040
you're going to phase three and anybody else who's going to phase three, we will miss you

1807
01:43:55.040 --> 01:44:01.840
over here in phase two. Get me some, you're welcome. Give me some updates on the community

1808
01:44:01.840 --> 01:44:09.600
walls. I missed any of your posts. I am sorry. I did not mean to. And yeah, actually I want to

1809
01:44:09.600 --> 01:44:17.680
update from you to actually a little bit. Sorry. I'll wait to hear that. I just realized I was

1810
01:44:17.680 --> 01:44:25.440
still on speaker. Oh, it's okay. I had a question on, I posted it, but I don't know if any of the

1811
01:44:25.440 --> 01:44:32.800
coaches saw it. I received an email the other day from I forget her name, but it said that

1812
01:44:34.400 --> 01:44:38.560
I don't remember what it was, but anyway, it's on the post. If maybe you can read it and just

1813
01:44:38.560 --> 01:44:44.240
answer because it, I think there's, there was supposed to be something in the attachment,

1814
01:44:45.360 --> 01:44:50.080
but it wasn't, it wasn't, there was nothing there. So I didn't know what she was talking about.

1815
01:44:50.080 --> 01:44:59.840
Okay. It was for the first time ever. I'm going to, that's what the email said.

1816
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:04.800
okay I'll share with uh I'll share with this in it and I follow up with you I

1817
01:45:04.800 --> 01:45:13.440
just I see it now yeah thank you all right okay yeah cool all right ladies

1818
01:45:13.440 --> 01:45:16.880
this is the end of the show we're well over time but that's okay I want you

1819
01:45:16.880 --> 01:45:21.240
guys to do this activation so this is what you guys are gonna do what you're

1820
01:45:21.240 --> 01:45:25.760
gonna do is tonight when you get in your bed are you ready you are going to roll

1821
01:45:25.760 --> 01:45:31.520
over to you get to the other side don't fall out the bed and on your way back I

1822
01:45:31.520 --> 01:45:35.900
want you and thanking the Lord for the man that is soon to be laying in the bed

1823
01:45:35.900 --> 01:45:41.600
besides you because one day you are going to bump into him you're gonna have

1824
01:45:41.600 --> 01:45:46.280
to share your covers you may have to borrow pillow but there will be a man

1825
01:45:46.280 --> 01:45:52.360
laying beside you whose title will be your husband yes and you're gonna love

1826
01:45:52.360 --> 01:45:56.200
every moment of it get ready to make those pancakes at 2 o'clock in the

1827
01:45:56.200 --> 01:46:01.000
morning and not worry about those carbs cuz you're gonna have a man to eat with

1828
01:46:01.000 --> 01:46:12.000
baby have fun doing it and we will see you ladies soon all right have you love

1829
01:46:12.000 --> 01:46:29.280
you thank you thank you good night everyone good night good night thanks

1830
01:46:29.280 --> 01:46:31.800
ladies