Hello, welcome. Welcome, welcome. Hello. So glad to be here with you tonight. For those
of you that don't know my husband yet, maybe you're new to phase three or our men's group.
This is my husband, Brian Cooper. He's here going to co-facilitate with me tonight. And
we have three amazing couples with us this evening as well. So I'm going to start with
the one that's been married the longest, which we have two newlywed couples in an engaged
couple tonight. So it's kind of fun, but Eric and Melinda were married on March 1st. Congratulations
again. So y'all are about that. Well, just past four months. And then Joss, did I say
that right? All right. And I keep wanting to say Josh, but I'm going to work on that
tonight and Carrie, we're just married, married April 5th. So almost at three months for them.
And then AJ and Brittany got engaged on April 12th. And what I would love to know before
we go into kind of what's going to happen tonight, have y'all picked a date? No pressure
if you haven't, but just want to know, have y'all picked a date yet? Yes, September 22nd.
Awesome. That's great. Before we were even engaged. We picked a date before we were even
engaged. We did too. And we got married in September. So we did, we did. September's
a good month. Well, welcome to all of our couples that are going to be sharing their
love stories with you tonight. If y'all don't know the way that this works for anyone that's
new joining us for love stories is we have every couple share a little bit about their
love story from their perspective. How, like what was God doing in them before they met
each other? And then what was some of the things that God was doing in them as they
came together? And each person in the couple will share, excuse me, then we'll move to
the next couple, have them share. And then the third couple, and then what we'll do after
that is kind of like a round Robin where I'll just start to ask you all questions based
off of things that you share. I know a little bit about most of your stories, just been
chatting with you the last few days. And I know there's a couple topics we're going to
really want to touch on tonight. So I'm looking forward to drawing those out of your
stories and really blessing our community tonight. So thank you again for being here.
Let me pray for us real quick. Father, thank you so much for these amazing couples. God,
thank you that we get to be a part of this community and a part of the greater vision
that you've given Jackie and David and so many of us, God, that really believe in what
you're doing, that you're raising up kingdom families and marriages. We ask you to bless
this time tonight. Bless the couples that have come to share, God, that you would give
them insight and just direction, even as they share that you calm nerves and just let it
be a fun and exciting night for all those that are here as well. We thank you, God,
for more kingdom families and marriages to come and the days ahead as well in Jesus name.
Amen. Amen. Amen. All right. So we're going to go for those who have been married the
longest first. So we're going to start with Eric and Belinda, and then we'll go to Joss
and Kerry, and then we'll come to AJ and Brittany. So Eric and Belinda, do you want
to share a little bit about kind of your backstory before y'all met and then how God brought
you together and kind of as we chatted, just each one of you would share a little bit about
that and then we'll go from there. Absolutely. Thank you. If there were anything I would
have guessed would not have been that we were the longest married. It was not my expectations.
All right. So yeah, I'll start. I'll tell my backstory. I was born in, is that too far back?
No, I'm kidding. So I was married for about 20 years, got divorced, well, separated
15 years ago, divorced finally 11 years ago. So it was a bit of a drawn out situation.
There was an infidelity on my ex-wife's part that we couldn't work through or recover
from. And so that's what led to me filing for divorce. We were fairly amicable. Our kids are
older. So that made it easy. I think my youngest at that time was 17. So he was sort of months
away. So that made that easy. But obviously any time you're going through a divorce, it's
traumatic and very easy to point the finger at all the faults of the other person and
walk away cheerfully that you're all good. But that's obviously all of us at this point should
know that that's not.
the case. So I wanted to spend time getting myself healed and recovered from not only the trauma of
the marriage, but the trauma of the divorce. I went to a divorce care program through my church
at the time and one of the things that they suggested was that you should be single for
one year for every four years you were married. And I took that seriously and so spent
probably the first eight years very intentionally single,
um, spent time independently working on my own healing and sort of analyzing the reasons behind
the reasons of the things that I did to contribute in my in our relationship.
I'm a pretty avid outdoorsman. I like to hike a lot and so I spent a lot of time hiking
and what I would do is as I was preparing to go on a hike by myself,
um, I would think of a question, uh, relative to my healing or my situation or my personality or
what have you. And I would, um, start out the hike. I would ask and talk to God about the
question and then just hike in silence, waiting to hear for answers. Um, I brought a journal.
So I, when, when I would hear the Lord speaking to me, um, I would write that down for further
reflection. I'll be honest. There was a number of hikes that if somebody were walking the other
direction, they would have seen me sort of crying in, as I was, you know, reliving hurts, um,
going back to my childhood. So it was kind of semi-joking when I say when I start, but, you know,
a lot of the things that we do as adults are things that we learned as children, um, either
how we were treated by our parents or things that we saw modeled by our parents. Um, so,
you know, a lot of that's hard to face, uh, as an adult. Um, so that's what I did, read,
um, a lot of books on marriage and, and things to, um, or, or sort of expectations and what
should be expected of me as a Christian man in a Christian marriage. Um, so that I could
not only heal from heal, but also prepare for what was ahead, heal from what was in the past and,
and prepare, um, for what was, um, coming. Um, and then spent a lot of time and energy just being,
um, comfortable if relationship wasn't in my future, you know, spent a lot of time, uh,
reflecting on first Corinthians eight, where Paul talks about, if you're single, it's better to be
single because you can devote fully to the Lord. And when you're in a relationship, your, uh, focus
and your attentions get divided. So I meditated a lot on that. I've got a friend of mine. Who's a
single gentleman. And he would joke that we were like in Matthew, we were a eunuchs for the kingdom.
So that we, we were, uh, or, or I was, um, dedicating time and effort towards my growing
my relationship with the Lord, um, through obviously reading prayer, uh, trying to be
as active and serving in my church. I was involved in a couple of ministries that, um,
at my church. And so it was just really focused on that. I wasn't
necessarily looking for relationship when Belinda came along. Um, I don't know if you want me to
continue into that story at this point, or would you like to tag team if you want to? So Belinda
can come in and kind of tell her side, and then you guys could come back and tell how you met.
It's totally up to you. Oh, perfect. All right. So, um, hi everyone. I, I was married two times
previously, Eric's my third marriage. And the first marriage was about a year and a half. And I
got my son out of that, that my last marriage was a little over 11 and a half years. And we,
um, divorced in 2018. And I was just a mess after that. I wasn't making any good decisions.
I was hurt and, and, and I knew enough to know that I needed healing, but I didn't know how to
get healed. And so I just spent a lot of time just alone because I didn't trust myself making any
types of decisions. And I would just pray like a simple prayer every day that Lord, you know,
just heal the trauma to my heart, heal the trauma to the soul. And that's all I knew what to say.
Eric, I love to hike and I love the outdoors and I was coming back, driving back from a
hike by myself and Jackie came on the radio about her program and one of the things that
she was talking about, you know, back then it was called Married in 12 Months, but one
of the things that she talked about that really just witnessed to me was, you know, we can
go through life and get traumas or get hurts and wounds, but in it, like, creates these
false identities in us and creates filters and blinders on our eyes that cause us to
kind of continue to make the same mistakes over and over again and so you're repeating
these cycles and that just resonated so deeply with me that I was like, this is, this is,
this is it, Lord.
I felt it was really an answer to a prayer and so I joined her Facebook, her free Facebook
challenge and went right into the program and not necessarily because I wanted to get
married right away, I loved the idea of marriage, I wanted, obviously, to have a long-standing
marriage, but it was really just because I knew I needed healing and I didn't want to
get into a relationship carrying in kind of the same baggage that I did from the past
two marriages or from childhood, as Eric had mentioned.
We can carry things for years and bring those into relationships.
So it was mainly to get healed and to build community and I just fell in love.
There was people that I met, I live in California, there's a group of us with Northern California
that met some in Southern California and we would get together and just that sisterhood
and being able to share the teachings that we were getting and reinforcing that with
each other was just kind of, it was, it was wonderful.
So I think I spent the first couple of years pretty quiet, but I was listening to all the
lives, to all the teachings, I was taking it all in.
I did my Jesus Cares Board, which I still do today, and that heart, that, if you guys,
from the heart book that, you know, every morning just surrendering, asking the Lord
to look into your heart and reveal things that need to get healed, it's still just a
powerful tool that I use today.
So it was going through all those things through those first couple of years and watching everybody
go on their dates and learning how to date and being on the dating apps and so forth.
So that was kind of where I was coming from.
And then after about two years in the program, or maybe even two and a half years, I had
a friend that was actually in the community and she was dating somebody and she's like,
hey, you know, we, we know this guy and he's really, he's a great guy.
He's a godly guy.
He's financially secure.
He has a good job.
He's really sweet and so forth.
And, you know, I think you're, I think you're going to really like him.
And then she kind of goes, but he might be too old for you.
And it just kind of raised a flag for me.
My former husband was 14 years my senior, and I had told myself this story in my mind
that the reason that marriage didn't work out, one of the main reasons was because he
was the age difference.
And so as you guys know, in this community, we're really taught to kind of let go of our
lists and the things that we think we're looking for.
One of the things that Jackie kept encouraging us was like, just go out and have fun.
Meet people.
Go out on dates with people that you would normally not even, you know, give the time
to and give time to respect somebody by giving them that value of your ear and so forth like
that.
But for one reason, which really worked except for that one area, that, that age was really
a kind of a hindrance.
And so we actually went on a mutual hike, and that's where I was supposed to get introduced
to you.
And we did get introduced.
And I and my response was, she's beautiful.
She's super fun.
She's too young for me.
So that was June of 23.
And we we would run into each other a couple of times throughout the rest of that year
just in sort of group activities on a rafting trip and a couple of other hikes and just kind of,
you know, I don't know that I would say we became friends at that point, but, you know,
it's like we were aware of each other.
And then that year, and I think it was a New Year's Eve party put on by my church's single
group. And the same friends were a little bit more insistent on getting us together.
The gentleman who's a friend of mine, like, don't worry about the age difference.
He said with the gal in the gold dress because she was wearing a gold dress.
So I would say that was kind of the first time.
So we danced and sat together and that was.
really, for me, the first time that it's like, oh, there's some chemistry here.
There's this is this could be something bigger than friendship.
But again, she's too young for me.
And I don't know, it probably sounds silly,
but I'm just thinking that a beautiful, great woman like this
should be able to find somebody in her age group or closer to her age that would be
more suitable was what I'm thinking,
which is probably some insecurity or something.
I don't know.
And so yeah, and so just to wrap it up, just to say that I think, you know,
so I was continuing on this dating apps as well, and I would go out on dates
sometimes no more than two times with the same person.
And but I just wasn't finding that right person that connected to.
And as you said, we would see each other throughout this time.
And I think at the New Year's Eve dance, I finally just kind of said to myself,
I was like, why am I like not why am I passing this person up just because of age?
You know, like we get along and and like you said, we're starting to fill chemistry.
And so it was just like it was stupid, basically.
And it goes against everything we were taught, you know.
And so I finally in January kind of just reached out.
So, ladies, it's OK to reach out first.
I reached out first and I sent a simple
little text and I was like, surprise, it's Belinda, you know, and he responded.
And so that's kind of how we got matched up in our backgrounds to that.
This is so great.
So a couple of ladies are asking, what is the age difference between the two of you?
Because you mentioned what it was with your prior like your ex.
But what is the age difference between the two of you?
Fifty eight years, Tom.
Twelve years.
Eric, we like your humor.
I'm loving it. It's great.
So twelve years.
And one of the things I want to point out here, do you all hear the fact that he
disqualified himself there at one point?
Like, why would this woman who's beautiful and younger than me,
why would she pick me? Because there's probably people better
suited in her age category, all that kind of stuff.
And the reason I want to point that out is I know there's people even in the
community that they've said, you know, they'll see someone and they'll
think they're attractive or something and they'll just like they'll disqualify
themselves like, oh, they would never pick me.
And I really want to encourage you all
to pull away from that kind of thinking and trust the Lord.
And if they don't respond, OK, fine, whatever.
But like, give it your best shot.
Give it your best shot.
And I think that you just never know what
kind of amazing person you might find on the other side of that.
You know, what did they say?
Like.
Five seconds or 50 seconds of courage or whatever, however they say that,
but like if you just get the courage and take that step and yeah, shoot your shot.
That's right for the men and the women want you all to hear that.
And then a couple of other things that Belinda was talking about
with the surrendering the list.
And then I'm going to come over to Joss and Carrie here in just a moment
in the surrendering of the list.
Can you tell us what like what was what was the process God was leading you through?
Obviously the coaching.
But like what were the things that God
led you to surrender off your list before the age thing?
And how was it for you to like let that go?
Like tell us that what that looked like for you.
Yeah, it was every morning repeating that prayer to ask the Lord to reveal what was
in my heart and to heal those areas and to trust him.
I think that was huge.
I, you know, I found I felt like I always thought I trusted the Lord.
But I think what I found, I've only I
trusted him in certain areas and I didn't trust him with my heart.
And and, you know, Jackie, we'll talk
about that, that we can surrender our heart, but he's trustworthy.
And then go if we whether it's a step of action, if you're going on a date or maybe
making a decision in life to you could step out knowing that he's
for you and he has his best for you and to just be OK with it so that if it
doesn't work out, it's OK if it does work out or maybe you might experience
something bad, but there's going to be something maybe you learn from it.
So it was really coming down to learning
how to trust and it was just a daily surrender and trying to apply that to other
areas of my life. And so when I saw fruit of that,
then being able to finally release the heart, the heart, my heart was the hardest
thing it had been hurt, you know, I'd gone through two divorces
and they were this last one was rough and rough.
And so you just get these walls where you just want to be guarded and controlling it
and allowing me not to control it.
And you're right.
A lot of it just really is the teaching
in this community and it being reinforced through the morning prayers.
It's reinforced with the girlfriends that you're meeting in this program
and people reminding you that.
And so I just took to heart all those teachings.
I would take notes, I would review.
just meditate on that to eventually where I could start to loosen my grip on my heart
and allow the Lord to, to do something.
And it, and it, you're exactly, it worked out.
Like I took that shot with the text and I was, I don't know how this is going to go.
He responded and it worked out.
So it was great.
That's so good.
One last question before we go over to Joss and Carrie.
Someone asked how were y'all long distance or did y'all live close to each other?
We're in the same town.
In the same town.
All right.
We'll circle back to that in a little bit, because I'm going to ask you all just to prepare
you.
I'm going to ask you what were some guardrails and things God had you all put in place to
pace yourselves well, because you lived locally and also just to kind of make sure that you
were still growing as an individual and not just being absorbed into the relationship.
All right.
So when we circle back later, just kind of be ready for that.
All right.
Joss and Carrie.
Hi.
We would love to hear your story.
Go ahead.
Oh, okay.
I'll go first.
So I was divorced for eight years when I enrolled in the program and I was super intentional.
My whole mantra when I went through my divorce, which I went through infidelity, was just
letting go of the purse strings like, hey, God, what do you want to do with my life?
And so he really unraveled everything about my identity.
And I grew up like in the purity culture, sort of a toxic purity culture where marriage
was everything you stay, even if it's terrible, even if it's dangerous, all the things.
So there was a lot to be unraveled.
And I did program after program of heart healing, deliverance, like freedom weekends, all the
things, everything was focused on my relationship with the Lord.
There was nothing around marriage or dating or anything.
I had to get myself right again.
And so Jackie's program stumbled across my path in like early 2024 and the, the couple
of things that really transformed me were my attachment style.
I was super frustrated to learn that I had anxious attachment style, anxious, avoidant
attachment style.
So it's like, I would freak out about the thing and then I would run away.
And I saw that pattern from my childhood.
It wasn't even like, it wasn't even about dating relationships.
It was like, if something goes wrong, the bottom is falling out and I'm shutting it
down.
And I always saw it as a healthy thing because I was like, well, you know, maybe this isn't
for me.
So I would just kind of walk away.
And then the other thing that came out of the program was, um, breaking soul ties with
traumatic events.
So I come from a charismatic background.
We, we talk a lot about soul ties that was not new to me, but the idea of breaking attachment
with traumatic events was new.
I had broken a lot of soul ties with people.
So breaking soul ties with adultery and within my marriage was huge.
And then I had some other really pivotal events that had happened that I had sort of latched
onto that were just kind of holding me back.
And my interest in Jackie's program was totally about my heart.
It was nothing else.
It really even, it wasn't even really about dating and marriage.
But in the eight years that I had been single, I had drawn so close to the Lord.
He kept talking to me about being a wife.
I could not run away from it.
And I think I was trying to run away from it because the church had forced that down
my throat, that that was the goal to be achieved.
That's not biblical.
That's not what the Bible says.
So it took that time to reset my heart and say that it was not a standard that I needed
to achieve.
It was a blessing that he wanted to give me.
So once I walked through the soul ties with the traumatic events, specifically adultery,
that was a big one.
I met Joss like weeks later, weeks later.
And so
It just totally reframed everything.
It was more about abundance and love and it wasn't about obligation anymore.
And there were, as Joss and I started dating, and I may be jumping the gun, it was so...
He answered things so specifically.
I could not...
I couldn't look away from the fact that only he could have orchestrated what was happening.
So, yeah, so that's my story.
Yeah, well, I think mine parallels in some ways, and so it seems to be a similar theme.
My previous spouse, I was married for almost 19 years, married pretty young, and we were in ministry together.
For about a decade, and so I was a youth and worship pastor, and she kind of came alongside, did that.
We both started to have some doubts, different things, left ministry, just feeling like I couldn't be on the stage and still have these doubts and different things.
And so as I walked away, my doubts started to get answered and hers did not.
And so we kind of separated along faith lines, and then there was infidelity on her part, and so that was really tough, obviously.
But I really look back on it in retrospect.
Early in my healing from divorce, I looked back on it and said, well, she cheated on me, like that's what went wrong.
But what really went wrong was God was no longer the foundation of our relationship.
And I think that that was not something that she was interested in at all.
And so I think as God has pulled me away from that situation and as I grieve through that, that has been the consistent thing that I go back to early in kind of healing from divorce.
I'd never been through grief like that.
I'm going to work, and it would just hit you with pangs of hurt.
And so I'd never felt anything that could just kind of ambush you out of nowhere the way that that did.
And so I got into therapy.
I read all kinds of self-help books and all those things definitely helped.
They were huge.
But until I really trusted God to heal those parts of my heart and to walk me through grief and that, you know, if everything goes wrong, I'm still his child.
And I hadn't thought of myself as his child in a long time.
And so he really fathered me there for a period of time.
And I think that that was a really important healing part.
I think early on, I dated some early after my marriage ended, dated for a little bit.
But it was a lot more about assuring myself that I was still worthwhile to the opposite sex.
Like there were some hurt I was cheated on.
Do I have something of value that other people will see?
But that's not a good way to look for a partner, obviously, because I'm needing something from them.
It's not so much that we're two whole people that are coming together to make a more rich experience in life.
And so I really kind of pumped the brakes on that for a while and really kind of felt like I needed to walk alone.
I have two amazing boys that I share 50 percent custody.
So I have them week on week off.
And so just really threw myself into that.
Went on dates here or there, but it almost felt like practice.
Like, how do I talk to people?
I haven't been on a date since I was a teenager.
And so just kind of learning all those processes.
But I would definitely say that whenever we met was the first time that I was coming and I was like, all right, I think I'm ready to get back into this.
And the big reminder, the big thing that kept I kept at the forefront whenever I dated this time was who is God wanting me to be with?
Who's going to be able to do ministry with me?
Who's going to like sharpen what God's trying to do through my life?
And how can I sharpen what God's trying to do through their life?
And so that became more the focal point, not just finding company or trying to assure myself that I was worthy of a relationship.
I didn't need that to.
to edify who I was or anything like that.
And so I think at that, whenever I look back, kind of the straight line that I
can draw through all the hurts from a relational perspective that have happened
since my marriage ended was the further I was from God, nothing worked, not just my
marriage, but kind of my whole life, the grief cycle would come back, all those
different, different pieces.
And the closer I was to God, all of a sudden things were really falling into
place because I was on the path that he wanted me to be on.
So as we're navigating that now, I feel like that's been the one consistent
whenever there is conflict or whenever there is difficulty in kind of charting a
new course and a new marriage and that sort of a thing, being able to come back
to our foundation as God.
And that's what dictates what the boundaries of our relationship are and how we
support one another.
Whenever things are tough, it comes from a place of trying to keep each other
spiritually whole before anything else.
And so that's a big part for me.
I do want to share one thing.
So I did date some.
And one of the things I entered into dating with was this requirement of God.
It was, if I'm going to do this, you have to do this.
So I, um, I, I found myself in a relationship with someone like six years
into being single post-divorce and he ended up needing a kidney transplant and
I was a match for him.
And what I said was, God, do not leave me brokenhearted with scars on my body.
Like I just said that, um, and that relationship ended and I had my
scars on my body.
And so I think one of the things I learned, obviously that's a very
exaggerated dating experience that most people won't, you know, replicate.
But one of the things I learned was putting disclaimers as you
enter into this process.
Don't do this.
If you do this, I will or won't do this.
Putting God in a position, like we're playing poker where it's like this
ace in the hole situation where like, if you do this, I'll do this.
That that's not life in general with God.
There is always something he's something beautiful.
He's going to bring out of it.
And in that situation, he was looking to save someone's life and to teach him
the value of God's love for him.
But it wasn't marriage for me, but that's what I said up front.
So again, it was kind of going back to this church mentality where like every
relationship is going to end up in marriage.
And if it doesn't, it's sin.
No, that that's not biblical.
And there are so many things we learn through relationship in general, dating
or otherwise, that teaches us about the love of Christ, that teaches about
ourself, teaches us about other people.
And so in between like the huge loss of divorce and meeting, um, Joss, there
was this gap where I was like traumatized again in a very different way, but there
was beautiful, there was so much beauty in it that I wanted to discard because
it wasn't what I said it should be.
So that was a huge lesson I learned in dating.
These are so there's so much in what y'all are saying tonight, both
couples, there's so much richness and we're going to try to pull out as
much as we can from what you're saying.
Um, there's a couple of things here and then I'm going to come over to
AJ and Brittany and let you all tell your story, um, with everyone.
But man, Carrie, um, when you were talking about how God showed you that
marriage is not a standard to achieve, but a blessing that he wanted, God wanted
to give you, I just want to make sure everybody here tonight hears that.
That was like a nugget from heaven.
And I just want to make sure that we don't rush past that too quickly.
Um, there are some of you that there there's that kind of stipulation within
yourself.
I was just watching a show before we came on here and these people that were so
qualified in their jobs were constantly like never feeling adequate, never feeling
like they were enough.
And for whatever reason, that kind of comes to mind, even as we're talking
about this, that sometimes there's this unrealistic standard in our minds
because of what we've been taught because of our own perspectives and really
supernatural surrender is also about us coming out of those things.
It is getting rid of the list.
And I, I saw someone in the chat, you know, I'm not comfortable with that many
years and Hey, you all, here's the thing.
We're just planting seeds tonight.
Okay.
Now you need to go and pray about that.
Uh, for yourself and what is the Lord asking you to surrender?
And this situation.
in Belinda, God was nudging her to surrender the age thing, not
only because so she can meet Eric, but also so she could heal
from the past. There were lies all wrapped around that. And
that's key. You all these things that we need to surrender so
that we can step into God's fullness and his blessing. Like
what lies are connected to those things that we are not willing
to lay down? You know, and so man, so good. This has been so
good. I'm excited to see where the rest of tonight is going to
go. AJ and Brittany. Oh, I want to say one thing. Joss is eight
years younger than me. Okay. And that was a big, that was a big
shift, I think for both of us. And then tell us about even
though you guys kind of live in the same area. Explain to them
how like with the metro, what that looks like long distance
or local for you all.
Yeah. So Dallas, Fort Worth is very spread out and horrible
traffic. So while we live, we lived maybe 20 miles per I
don't even know. Yeah, it was an hour, hour and a half. As far as
commute time. So we saw each other maybe once a week.
Sometimes every two weeks. Yeah. And it was tough. Yeah, it was
very tough. Yeah.
All right. So good. All right. We're gonna keep unpacking this
y'all. All right, AJ and Brittany. Hi. Hi. I'm so
excited to meet you, by the way. She's been here in our
community. But tonight is the first night I'm meeting you. I
don't know about all the others. But we're so glad to have you
here with us.
Oh, thanks, Bethany. Yeah, nice to meet you, too.
I'm so glad he can join and meet everyone. But I joined this
community in 2023. I've never been married and never actually
well right before joining community. I was in my first
relationship with someone we were dating for about six
months, I moved out to where he was, which was in California. And
a couple months after I moved there, he broke up with me. And
I was definitely devastated in so many ways after, you know,
moving out there, uprooting myself new job and definitely
left really broken. But I remember even a pastor during
that time, he asked me, what's the one thing that you want from
this. And I said that, you know, I would receive healing, and
that the other person will receive healing as well. And a
couple months later, I was on YouTube, and I saw Chris
Valentin interviewing Jackie Dorman. And I've always had a
belief in marriage and family. And I've longed for it for so
many years. I'm 33. And you know, I felt like ever since I
was like, young, I was raised Christian, I was like, it was
always a desire of my heart, but always felt like, when will it,
you know, happen for me. And so, yeah, just Jackie's heart. And I
think, you know, growing up in a Christian community, I think
similar to what Carrie was saying, it's a little bit I was
from the purity culture. And so yeah, I think it's maybe a
little bit of a fear of dating a fear of relationship, a fear of
messing up and not obeying, you know, and following God exactly,
you know, and then you're gonna ruin your life and your future
marriage. So I think that definitely, you know, look,
looking back now, I realized how much that was an undertone of
how I viewed dating, and actually had a fear. And I would
say I was open to people, but really, I think I was pretty
guarded. And through Jackie's program, I think I was able, you
know, to recognize to trust the Lord in the process, and that,
you know, he gives us the ability to choose and have
freedom in it, you know, and and he's going to be with you along
the way. And I think, you know, one thing I remember her saying
is, or what she talks about is the spirit mate. And I think
that when I would go on dates, and even when I started dating
AJ, I was like, Lord reveal his spirit, you know, like, the
Lord's not going to steer you wrong in a relationship. And so,
yeah, and so I think yeah, and one another thing I think I took
from the program. I think it's so important to be in community
and dating in today's culture. It's so difficult. I think even
to in churches, it's hard to find. Maybe if you're older,
single, like other people who are in the same demographic,
you're maybe not focused on or encouraged. And so Jackie gives
so much hope and you Bethany always give so much encouraging
words to all of us. And I think that it's such a mind game that
the enemy wants to play that it won't happen for you, you know,
so I think it really is important to be
in community and to stay in community in the process, um, just because of that mental battle
that you're fighting against and because it is a spiritual thing as well. Um, and then,
yeah, practically, um, I think, you know, in my mind, my non-negotiable was like one of them,
I can remember writing was, I didn't want to marry someone in ministry. Uh, and that's because,
you know, I, I was part of many different ministries and, uh, you know, you see just
in here a lot of negative stories. Right. And so I was like, what is this really God's,
you know, non-negotiable. And I realized this wasn't and AJ, AJ is a youth pastor. So, um,
so yeah, I mean, I think it's that hurt, you know, you're hurt and then you're healed and
relationships. And I think that's, you know, what it is well, and we're still walking out that
dynamic and what it looks like, but yeah, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. I think for me,
it's like a little different because, so I wasn't a Christian until much later in life. So I became
a Christian 20 when I was 25 and, um, you know, I dated people over, I was in relationships and
stuff, but then, uh, for whatever reason, like when I became a Christian, I had these
crazy high expectations, not only of like what that other person is going to be or what they're
going to be like, but I also had these crazy high expectations of how we were going to meet.
And I thought that like, if, if it wasn't this crazy God ordained moment where we're in a
Christian coffee shop and we're both wearing the same, you know, cheesy Christian shirt that like,
you know, and that would be an easy sign. You know, that's how I thought that I would meet
somebody. And so, um, I was kind of doing like online dating on the side as a hobby.
And I was just for sure, not open to anything. Um, you know, people would come in my life and
be interested in things like that. And then I would find like one thing that would give me the
ick and then I would just be out. And, um, so I w it's almost like I was looking for something
that, uh, that, you know, I, I could check myself out of, and, you know, I kind of later had to
realize that that was a lot more of like my own inner healing stuff that I needed.
Uh, so it's not them. It was like, you know, me that I needed to be healed from, but, um, so I,
that pattern continued for, I mean, years and years and years. And then I think at the beginning
of last year, I just made a new year's resolution that I was going to go on a certain number of
dates every quarter. And, um, and I thought that was like a big step for me because you know,
my mind, I was like, I don't want to go on a first date with somebody unless I think that
I'm going to marry them. And, and to me in my mind, I thought that was like the godly thing to
do, like, right. You don't lead somebody on, you know, unless they're just, uh, you, you can see
it going towards marriage. Why would you even go on a first date? And so, but you know, it started
to shift that mentality. So I was going on a certain number of dates every quarter. And even
before I met Brittany, like I was seeing this one girl and, uh, you know, pretty like after a few
dates, I just wasn't feeling it. But then I like came back into prayer and was like, Laura, I don't
want to miss something like amazing that you have for me. So I'm going to like, I'm going to keep
this thing going until you really show me like, this is just not for you. Cause I just wanted to
stay open and not, and not get in my own way and get out of my head and things like that. And I
mean, obviously it didn't work out, but then, um, uh, Can I just share? I'm just going to say it.
So I actually messaged Brittany on hinge. I think it was a February and like totally forgot about it
cause it didn't hear anything back. And it wasn't until August, six months later, when she finally
like reached back out and, um, and, and like, I wasn't, you know, that's already kind of rejection
to me, right. To wait six months. So, so my mind, I was like, well, I need, I need one more date to
hit my quota for this quarter. So I'm just going to, um, I'm just going to try to set up a date
and go out with her. And I even like pushed it off a little bit and try to play pool. It's like,
yeah, I'll just talk to you when I get back from vacation. Um, but, uh, yeah, so we were, we were
going on our first date and I think, I mean, it was, it was like, to me, like just so much instant
connection. And I know I kept saying like, I wanted all these things to be in that person,
but it's the last thing I'll share, but I had journaled one time. Like I think it was the end
of, I don't know, 2018, 2019, something like that. Um, I felt like the Lord was leading me to write
down the things that I really want in a person. And, um, so much more than just like physical
stuff like that's there too, obviously. But so I wrote down 15 things and like, after our first
date, I was like, and I didn't even think about it after our first day, I went back home. I was
like, wait a minute. And so I pulled that journal back out and Brittany had like every single thing
of that.
list was checked off. So I thought that was pretty cool.
Even though I know I know we you want to get away from list and
things like that. But but I was definitely open.
Oh my gosh, this is great. Yes, we want to get rid of the list.
But that's okay. Because that was your process. You know, I
think it's important for everyone to understand. And I
wanted to kind of pull this out earlier a little bit too is just
that everyone would keep an open mind about people's healing
processes, too. Because remember, everyone that is has
been a part of last year, single, like you're here and
you're getting coaching. Not everybody is getting that, but
they might be getting healing another way. So like Eric was
going on these walks and really spending really special time
with the Lord and the Lord was cleansing his soul. Someone else
might not be able to get away like with that, because they
might need more coaching. But God met Eric in those moments.
And he went through the divorce care and other things, you know,
he's reading the books. And I know, just from Brian's
perspective, do you want to tell them a little bit like kind of
how your journey was real quick, just to add to another layer of
that? Yeah, but I have a really important question. Oh, my gosh.
Okay. Brittany, six months, like, I need to hear that. Like
what happened? Did you just not log in? Yes. Like,
you know, it was, I mean, it was, you know, you had to pay
for the hinge. Okay, I would elect all the legs when I would
pay monthly hundreds. And I was going by. AJ lives like an hour
and 20 minutes when there's no traffic on a good day. So I was
going by distance. That's my balance. There you go. Very
economical. Yes. And we will circle back to the quota too,
because I love that. And I think it's great. And it, it really
connects with our seven day challenge. And so I want to
circle back to that for a little bit. Yeah, but divorce care,
I just want you to share like, because your journey was
different than mine to regarding healing. You don't have to go
all the way into it. But just, I think it's important for people
because some of our lovely, amazing people in this
community, I love all you so much. But you have this like
checklist of what the man needs to do in order to be healed or
how he needs to spend time with Jesus. And if he doesn't do it
exactly like you, then he's not spiritual enough or those kinds
of things. And so this is my invitation from the Lord. I
believe it's from the Lord to all of you that might be in that
category to surrender the pen in those areas too. So what did
your healing journey look like? So my healing journey, I was out
in California also. And during that process, I realized that
the church didn't have much for men in the way of healing. They
didn't really know what to do with us. And I always feel
awkward, like, you know, almost like I need to walk through the
hall, say, you know, unclean, like a leper, like, you know,
kind of a thing. So really, one of the things that I found that
was helpful was divorce care. And even going there, I think I
was like the only guy because that part of the problem is,
it's kind of supply and demand. Men usually don't go to seek
help. So there's not usually not a lot of ministries for them,
because if they did, they probably just wouldn't be much
attendance. That's something that I really went to. And I
went through it twice. And they did recommend that and it was
actually really good for me. Because the first time I went
through you kind of broken and you're kind of healing kind of
numb. So you only you can only take in so much. I'm sure all
of you that have been through divorce, there's just you have
a capacity limit that you can only take in so much. And the
second time I went through that, for me, that was really where a
lot of the growth and the healing, like things started to
click a little bit more. So I went through those things. And
you know, through that experience, you know, Beth and I
both have a passion to have a ministry where we help people
heal where the church is a safe place for people doing that
people don't feel like they have to yell unclean because you're
going through a divorce or they're single. Yeah, whatever
the relationship status is. So for me, divorce care was a
really big thing. And I went through that a couple times.
And for those of you that don't know, obviously, I coach with
the community. But Brian is a lead pastor at a church. So we
also pastor that together on AJ, I'm about to circle back to you
on the quota thing. But on what he just said there, literally
right before Brian said the word capacity, I wrote it down on my
paper and circled it because some of you all tonight I think
you do you're feeling so frustrated because you're just
like, why isn't happening? Why isn't it happening? And what he
just said was so vital, y'all, we can only retain a certain
amount of information in a given season. And when we come
in, sometimes we're just in such a broken state that we might
need to do hard work more than once. And so for whoever that's
for tonight, I just felt led to draw that out. So
We wanna kind of just in a fun way,
let's talk about this,
the dating kind of challenge that you gave yourself
to kind of go out there
because you were doing that ultimately
to break the mindsets off that weren't helping you.
And so we have people in our community that really,
when that seven day challenge, Jackie gives that to them,
some people are just like, yeah, no, I'm not doing that.
And we never pushed anyone,
but can you like share with everyone,
like, I know you kind of touched on it a little bit,
but like, what all did that do in you
as you were kind of practicing and growing and learning,
I'm assuming, but from your perspective,
how did that help you come out of that mindset?
Yeah, no, I think it was really good for me
because it made me say yes to going on a date with people
who I just ordinarily wouldn't say yes to.
And that's because of like my own hangups,
like, you know, certain attributes
or, you know, maybe they're not funny enough
or their personality isn't enough.
And it's like, wait, you know,
cause so to me that was the most important thing
is like, I wanna be able to have fun with somebody, right.
And then I would just discount them
after a first date or whatever.
And then I think it just helped me to see like,
you're not gonna get someone's full personality
the first time you go on a date with them.
And, you know, there's just, there's nerves
and there's other things involved.
So that was a big deal.
And then, you know, to say yes to people
who I wouldn't initially be attracted to.
And I think that was huge for me as well,
because from what everyone says, like the, you know,
attraction grows like over time, right?
Like you're just gonna love the whole person over time.
And I think I was watching this Netflix special.
It was, oh my gosh, what is the name of it?
It's some, the Indian, oh, Indian matchmaker.
And like, yeah, you've never seen.
Oh, and one of the things that the matchmaker
was telling the girl who had like all these things
on her list, like they wanted to be,
she wanted them to be six foot, you know,
making a hundred K and all this kind of stuff.
And she, and the matchmaker kept saying,
well, you're not marrying his height, so let's move on.
And then she would say something else and be like,
well, you're not marrying his money, so let's move on.
And just helps you to like be open.
And I think that was, yeah,
that was just huge to be able to do that.
And then I kind of like,
which it didn't become my motto or anything,
but just something that like I would kind of think about
is you're really not looking for,
which I told someone this recently,
but you're not looking for marriage material
on your first date.
You're looking for second date material.
And so you're just trying to see if you can go on one date
and if it's a decent date, you go on a second one.
And then that's all I'm trying to do.
And it took the pressure off of the dates.
So I think that was the biggest thing I learned.
And Jackie says that all y'all in the community,
all you're doing is going on a first date
and seeing how it goes.
Are you having fun?
Are you getting to know the person in community
and being open to a second date if it gets to that place.
Thank you so much for sharing
that additional stuff there, AJ on that.
So Eric and Belinda, I want to circle back to you all.
I forget exactly how I stated the question to you.
So I'm hoping that you all remember
and then you can just start to share on that.
And then maybe it'll all come back to me,
How I remember it is you were asking
because we do live in close proximity,
how we do in our health, our boundaries and so forth.
So I will say the first month that we were dating,
Eric didn't try to hold my hand.
He never gave me a kiss and it kind of just threw me
because I was just so used to men wanting right away
to get into my pants.
And so I wasn't even sure the first month
that we were dating that he even liked me
beyond friendship.
That's how a reversal of this relationship was.
And so I remember later you telling me the reason
was because once you start that process,
you can't undo it.
And so I think he was just very intentional to hold it off.
But he finally kissed me after one date, after four weeks.
And then the next time we saw each other,
I don't know if you remember what you said,
but you said, it's obvious that we like each other.
And so I think we need to talk about guardrails.
And I was like, guardrails, do you mean boundaries?
And he's like, yeah, boundaries.
Do you remember that conversation?
And so he was really good about right away
having that conversation and he really led in that area.
And so we talked about boundaries
and I don't know like how, I don't wanna be graphic,
but you know, we were just like, you know,
obviously no sleepovers, no touching,
no things like that.
We just were very like, where would we would have?
We were pretty strict in the beginning, I would say, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was important for us, I'll be honest,
as best we could to maintain purity until we were married
because we want and believe God brought us together
for us to honor him and for us to honor others.
And he's not gonna bless it if we're not
you know, being as godly and honoring as we can.
You know, if we're just like jacking up,
that's not gonna be a relationship
God's gonna wanna bless and God's not gonna leave.
So because it's important to us,
both of us have a history of serving,
I guess, outside of professional ministry.
And we believe firmly that God brought us together
to continue that now as a couple,
we wanted to be sure that it was something
that God would be able to use and to honor.
And so that was sort of kind of foundational
in our desire to maintain purity.
And just try not to put ourselves in a situation
where we were going to be tempting.
And it got, I will, you know,
we knew probably within six months
that we wanted to get married at some point.
And so started looking into,
I think we did like a premarital through his church.
And eventually we did through Symbus
and we got married like I think within 13 months
from dating and it gets harder the closer you get.
I mean, I'll just be honest, it gets harder that,
but I really appreciate that in the beginning,
we had the conversation right after the first kiss
and really set that stage where the ultimate was
we just wanted to honor God.
I think that was the forefront.
And then that the rest was just like, okay,
what do we need to kind of do that?
And it, you know, and to talk about it.
And when it got a little harder,
because then we got engaged, I think at nine months
and we knew we're heading to,
we was just revisiting those conversations
and just trying to do the best through prayer,
praying about it and talking about it.
And holding each other, taking turns,
holding each other accountable.
Yeah, usually one was a little stronger than the other.
And so we would have to trade off
on those accountability conversations.
That's so good.
We had to do very similar things for those of you
that if you've never heard me tell this story,
like we at one point just literally where I was like,
I can't kiss you, I can't even cuddle by you.
Cause like, it's making me feel things I can't be feeling.
And 100%, it gets harder as you get closer
to that wedding day, for sure.
And so we had to put more guardrails in place
the closer the wedding day came.
So we even worked on like, you know,
even kind of being careful to not stay past dark,
you know, and those kinds of things.
And so I love that y'all brought that out
and what you shared, it's so good.
Thank you for sharing that with us.
For those of you that might struggle
in areas regarding physical stuff,
these are things you want to keep in mind,
you know, really being open and being able to talk
with the person that you're dating.
Hope, you know, if you're getting engaged
that those are open conversations.
That's what you said.
They kept revisiting it and so did we.
And that was huge because in the past
in relationships I had been in,
those were not conversations I felt like I could even have
with those individuals,
which that should have been telling right back then.
But I didn't know what I didn't know back then
until I knew it.
And so just keep that in mind.
If you all struggle to talk about that stuff,
you definitely want to get coaching around that
and work through that
so that you can have healthy conversations.
Symbus will help that
because that's one of the topics we talk about in there.
And so actually, let's see,
Eric and Belinda and Joss and Keri both took Symbus.
AJ and Brittany, I forget,
are y'all taking it or have you taken it?
Symbus.
Well, we just got the Symbus.
There's something somewhere.
We're going to take Symbus probably this week.
We'll do our assessment.
Awesome.
So good.
And we are going to circle back to you,
but I do want to go to Joss and Keri again
to have you all share
what were some of the things like with blending a family?
Can you tell us how that journey has been for you?
And maybe some of the things that the Lord has,
you know, really helped you do to love each other's children
and, you know, just what that dynamic has looked like
for you.
Yeah, I can start.
So our children are very different,
but they're very close in age.
So we have 12, 13 and 14 year old boys now.
And so that's.
been interesting for sure. They get along pretty well, and so that certainly helped.
I think we just had different rhythms with the kids that we're still ironing out what that's
going to look like. Carrie has her son a lot more than I have mine, and so I have mine week on week
off. She has hers, I mean, 90% of the time. And so he'll be here a little bit more, so we're still
figuring out what chores look like and some of those different pieces, and so that's certainly
been a challenge. But I think from loving each other's kids and that sort of a thing, one thing
that we've had to keep coming back to that came out of Simbus and different things and was one
area of conflict for a little while is really focusing on our relationship first and making
sure that that's strong so that we are united with the boys. And so it took me a little
while to get there because it's just been me and the boys for a long time. I've been very
protective of that relationship and that sort of a thing, and so it's taken some reorienting
in terms of just what the regular rhythms are. And then we actually got married in April, but
we weren't able to move in together until about three weeks ago because her son was
enrolled in a school in Azle, and it's the end of his junior high year this year, and so she wanted
him to be able to finish school there. So we kind of did a long distance marriage thing for
a little while, which was really tough. That was not fun. So we're still kind of
figuring out some of those things. We haven't cohabitated for very long, and then it's the
summer, and so it's kind of weird with possession schedules and different things. So we're still
figuring those pieces out, but I think just from a behavioral perspective, the boys like each other.
I think that her son moved in with my family, and so it's been a little more of an adjustment for
him because he had to leave his hometown. And then where I share 50% custody with my kiddos here,
I've got to live in the school district. So we were kind of stuck here.
Yeah, and I was single with my kid for nine years, and he's an only child. So sharing his mom
is a big deal, and having siblings is a big deal. He has a sibling with his dad,
and my son is also adopted. So it's a really convoluted situation, but Joss comes from
Joss's parents. This was, my gosh, this is God. Joss's parents were group home parents
growing up. So Joss understands foster care and all the things leading up to parenting my kid.
To say it's an answer to prayer is, I can't really, I can't overstate that.
My son asked, my son has been praying for a younger brother since he was like five years old.
He got two younger brothers with Joss and a dad that understands kids that come from hard places.
Joss was a high school principal. Joss worked in behavioral intervention. So Joss understands my
kid. I would say as a single parent, praying for the needs of, we tend to prioritize the needs of
our kids over us, and I don't think that's necessarily the priority. God has a husband
and a parent for your kids, and Joss is the husband and parent for my son. That's the thing
he answered prayers for above and beyond everything else. So I just celebrate that.
It's so huge and so specific. I can't even really express it in words.
Man, it's so beautiful. I mean, God is truly so creative, and He is looking for opportunities
to bless His kids. He is. And simple obedience leads us to each other. Isn't that the most
amazing thing about those of you that have met your spirit mates and for those that are here?
Just trusting that as God is leading you in that next step, that every...
next step that you do, it's leading you closer to them. And
that each person is doing that, whether you like, I didn't know
Brian was doing the healing things he was doing before I
met him, right, but he was, and God knew that. And so just want
to encourage you all that, you know, you're still looking,
you're still dating, trying to find that person that trusting
that God is working on them, and he's preparing them, and that he
is going to lead them to you, and he's leading you to them,
and he will highlight you to each other, that Jackie always
talks about, man, you're, I'm just excited to hear about your
family and what God is doing there. I look forward to hearing
kind of even a year from now, how much has changed and grown
for you all. I mean, the fact that you're just three weeks in,
I mean, you're already accomplishing so much. And I'm
sure there's bumps in the road, just from even having, you know,
young girls in my life. So just keep working on all of those
things. And God's going to meet you all right in the middle of
that. It's going to be amazing. We may circle back, I'm just
going to see how much time I have, I would love for Brittany
to share, because on your never will I ever list was I don't
want to date someone in ministry, you kind of touched on
that already. But what I really want you all are you to talk
about is, you know, how did God help you surrender that so that
you would open your heart to AJ and not, you know, not partner
with fear, because he was in that box of something you said
you would never, you would never date or marry someone in that
place.
Yeah, I mean, I think the first thing, well, actually, so his
hinge profile, he has, like, this hoodie that, well, first
hinge profile was that he was a youth director, and right, and
that he's Christian sounded more palatable.
And, you know, yeah, so I mean, I think immediately my
hesitation is like, no, I don't want to do this. But I think
just the practical step is going on that first date. So that's
what I did. And, you know, getting to know AJ, his
personality, our values. Yeah, just how we interact, we have
so much commonality. I think that it was around like the
third day, though, you know, I think something in the past that
I didn't do in relationships, or even situationships is expressed
how I really felt about something or a fear. And so I
think that was a big learning thing, even in the just previous
relationship I had, you know, things that I felt that I never
expressed. And so it was something I wanted to make sure
we were on the same page about from the beginning. And it took
a lot of courage for me to open up and being like, this is just
a fear of mine, right? It was just, you know, that type of
conversation wasn't like, I don't want this, but I just want
to express my fear to you. Right. And about, you know,
raising kids in, in that environment, or being married in
that environment, and what it looks like, you know, in a
marriage. So I think that was also a first step and just me
even just learning to communicate those things and
fears. And I think that's been even an ongoing thing that we
continue. Um, you know, as I joined his church and become a
pastor's wife. So that's just, you know, something we're
growing.
Yes, and I can totally relate to you. So it's really great to
hear how God has been stretching you in those ways. Someone's
asking, how did AJ proposed to you, Brittany? How did he
propose?
He proposed we have, like, you should share a part of it. AJ
proposed at we have like a sort of a special spot in SF. It's by
the ocean. So he proposed there, but he was very sly about it. He
told me to wear white, and that we might take pictures. And I
had no idea.
And I sent her a calendar invite on her phone, and told her to
take that day off.
So you know, I was shocked.
That's great. He's planning ahead you all. Okay, men, take
note. Take note. All right. No, it can be can be totally
spontaneous. But I love that that he was really intentional
to invest in that. Okay, so now what we're going to do with this
round robin next part is I would love for you all to share
something each person, something that you've learned about
yourself or a way that you've healed once you got into
relationship. Okay, everyone understand the question. So
something you've learned about yourself, or it could be another
area that you healed after being in relationship, because one of
the things we talked about is how, you know, hurt and
relationship healed and relationship hurt and community
healing in community.
I'd love for y'all to just kind of share,
and I'll start with Eric and Belinda first.
I would say probably the thing that in my case
is the biggest is the comfort and necessity
to speak your mind.
And in my past relationship,
I would hesitate saying, I guess, expressing my feelings
and or bringing up challenging topics.
And one of the things and, you know,
sort of that as Belinda expressed
sort of that conversation about guardrails or boundaries
to just do that in the past might've been something
that I would know that I needed to bring up,
but would be hesitant for fear of,
I don't know, offending her,
making an, you know, having an uncomfortable conversation.
But I guess in the healing,
I just got to the point where, you know,
I'm just gonna lay my cards on the table.
And if we're meant to be together,
we'll figure out how to play those cards.
I mean, it might not be the perfect hand
that I'm laying out,
but we can work together to figure that out.
And in the end, it ends up being a better result
than I guess me out of hesitation or what have you,
not bringing up conversations
that are important, but challenging.
And can you repeat, Bethany, like what,
repeat the question.
I'm sorry I rambled so long.
No, it was good.
I even forgot the question halfway through.
Oh man, I love when we laugh
and we have fun on these nights for sure.
So this is great.
So just what's an area where you either
like learn something about yourself personally
from being in relationship with Eric
or another area that you healed
from being in a healthy relationship?
Yeah, I think for me,
I think the biggest growth that I have
and I don't know if you would agree,
but as is because now I'm able to trust the Lord
and I learned how to surrender my heart
was ultimately trusting that God's like my source, right?
And he holds my heart essentially, right?
That I have been able to let go of control.
I used to be extremely controlling in previous relationships
just because as a way to guard
and make sure that I could control everything
so nothing could go wrong if I had it all around.
And I've been able to surrender that
because of what I've learned
of being able just to surrender to the Lord
and being in a healthy relationship
where you can actually trust your partner
and things aren't always perfect.
There's not such a thing as a perfect person
or a perfect relationship,
but when you find the right one and it's healthy,
you can move through things a lot easier
and not have things be so bad
to where it triggers me wanting to control everything.
So that was big for me.
So good.
All right, I'm gonna come over to Joss and Keri.
What do y'all think?
So I would say,
I think I've always been attracted to people
that were the polar opposite of me.
So I thought I was the calm person.
I bring the peace, right?
I bring the cerebral whatever.
When we went through Symbus,
we were really concerned about how similar we were.
We're both really calm, peaceful people.
So we actually asked Jackie, like, are we too similar?
Like, we're concerned.
And she said, I would counsel you to consider
where you're complimentary.
And what I have acknowledged is
my assignment is not to bring the calm.
That's not my job.
Joss brings it in a very different way.
We bring it in completely complimentary ways.
It looks quiet.
I think in both ways, we don't fight loudly.
And that's what I was used to.
One person was really loud and I was quiet.
That's not complimentary.
That's just volume.
So I think Joss and I have discovered we're very different.
And on the outside, maybe we look the same,
but we still compliment one another.
I think that my biggest thing,
and it's not just in relationships,
but I think it's amplified.
in relationships. It's just my alignment with God and pursuing him and his will is essential
to having healthy relationships and to being the person that I need to be as a father, as a husband,
all of those things. And that sounds so simple for so many people, but I think until
you go through some stuff, that's really tested. The faith is tested. All those different things
you don't realize how essential that alignment with him and your pursuit of him really is.
And so I think that that's whenever, I think I got good at being alone. That's the other side
of it was really hard to be alone at first, and then I got really good at it. And so now that
we're merging together and figuring out what that rhythm is going to look like, what I do find is
the more I'm in the word, the more I'm surrounding myself with people who are godly,
all those different pieces, the better I am just holistically as a husband and father for sure.
Love it. He got so good at being alone, y'all. I think there's probably some people on here that
can relate to that, and God's going to encourage you. You know, we're talking about friendship
in this season and the summer of friendship. And so I want to just kind of plug that again
as he's talking about that, the importance of connection and community. I released on top of
what we said on the prophetic night on Sunday night, I also reminded those in heartwork,
which they're not on here tonight, but I just am saying it for you all,
to really lean into that, getting out of their comfort zone and going and doing stuff that they
wouldn't normally do, which we touched on that Sunday night. And y'all, I had someone testify
today in the group that she went to this camp that they always go, she always goes to every
year with her family. And normally she would just hang out with her family. Y'all, she pushed
herself to go up and meet a bunch of new people. And she's like, and now I have like connections.
And one person like, like they exchanged phone numbers. And this was like, so exciting to her.
And I know that might sound so simple, but this is the stuff we get so used to the people we
always hang with. Or sometimes like kind of like what Joss is saying, sometimes we get really
comfortable just it being us or our kids or things like that. And so really pushing ourselves to get
out of our comfort zone to go meet new people in this season. And so really want y'all to really,
really, really lean into that. Okay. Community is so important and getting to know yourself is a
part of getting to know other people. And that can really help you prepare even more for your
spirit mate. Okay. So thanks for sharing guys, AJ and Brittany, how about you all?
Yeah, I think for me just in past, I definitely had fear of the other person leaving. So that
was definitely something that came up strongly in the beginning of the relationship with AJ
and just having thoughts that he would leave. And I, yeah, I remember just expressing them to him
and yeah, he's so good at reassuring me. And one of the, I mean, I did it not just one time,
I've done it twice. I think I did it three times, but the second time was really sweet. He was
like, reassuring me like, no, I'm not going to leave. And he told me a story that after the first
date that he went out with me, he asked the Lord, he's like, Lord, can I have her? And I thought
that was just really sweet that he did that. Yeah. Yeah. And then for me, I think what I've
learned is, so I think I mentioned like, you know, just things I've had to work on that's kept me
single for so long. And I think a lot of it, which I wouldn't realize at a time, but it was just,
you know, things that like, I would be like insecure about, like, you know, I think everyone
has insecurities, but like, I think mine would just be, get so blown up and that would keep me
single. And so like, I wouldn't want to bring them to anyone because I don't know, I just,
I just wouldn't. And that would like prevent me from that. And then the coolest thing I've learned
is so, you know, me and Brittany are not even married yet, but then just to realize like, oh,
I can bring those to her and she's not like scared by them. And, you know, I thought, I just
thought it was cool because, you know, that's like how God loves us. Right. Like, like we would never
stand before God and be insecure about anything. Right. Cause we're like, oh, the Lord loves us.
He created us. And then to have like a partner who sees us like that, you know, more and more,
I think that's been really special. Man, that's so good. I was just thinking,
Brittany, as I was hearing what you were saying about the fear of
another person leaving.
I was just reading a book this week
that was talking about how even after people get married,
women still have an underlying,
I'm not saying this is everyone, okay?
So everybody don't freak out,
but I'm just saying this happens for a lot of women,
that they still have an underlying question.
Are they gonna continue to love me?
Are they gonna continue to stay?
And so men, I wanna encourage you
to make sure that you are reminding your wives
when you get married, why you chose them,
why you wanted to be with them
and still want to be with them.
And then there's other things that I learned
that guys need too in that book.
But I just felt led to mention that tonight
because I think especially people
that have battled abandonment and rejection
and they have those fears,
sometimes for myself,
like I had a really bad day one day
and I just like was,
I felt like probably,
and when I say this to y'all,
I wasn't going crazy or anything,
but like I felt ugly in the way I acted.
Does that make sense?
Like I just, I was totally raw in front of Brian
and he never judged me.
He wasn't mean, he didn't put me down.
He just like, he just was there.
And that just happened like literally like two months ago.
And there's been other times that he's been like that too,
but just in that moment,
I was kind of like, oh,
like he still loves me.
And I was just really struggling in front of him.
He's not going to leave, you know?
And so for whatever it's worth,
I want to encourage you all like that struggle
regarding worrying that someone can't handle you,
if you will, that your stuff is too much.
That's a lie.
That's a lie from the enemy.
And so if that's something you're still struggling with
and believe that you would continue to unpack
that with the Lord,
even long after you meet your spirit mate,
like I'm talking about.
And so really important.
And then as AJ was sharing about the mind and thoughts,
I've also heard a common theme tonight.
I don't know if you all have heard it
about just how these couples have each one
in their own way expressed,
how something, an area that they've grown
or that they are still growing
is like knowing that they can be honest
about their feelings with the person that they're with.
And I want to say that happens
when you're in a healthy relationship.
That's what happens.
You have space to open up and share even vulnerable things.
And so I want to encourage you all to be praying into that,
that God would bring you someone
that walks in all of the fruits of the spirit,
you know, kindness and love.
Just start studying what those things mean.
Well, kindness means like,
they're like abundantly generous towards you,
means other things too,
but you know that we would be generous
with our love towards other people
and allow ourselves to be loved in return.
Even the most broken places and spaces of us,
y'all, we are lovable.
God created us that way.
And so I wanted to close with that tonight
because our minds are a battlefield,
but man, God can help us get control of those by his grace
and through his power.
He died on the cross for us to be free.
And whom the son has set free is free indeed.
And so if you're struggling with your mind,
just know that you're not alone
and God wants to help you with that.
He wants to help you with that
so that you can enter a relationship
with someone that's healthy
and really flourish more and more in the days to come.
So we're at 923.
I'm going to go ahead.
Do you have anything else that you want to add?
That would be helpful?
What you were talking made me think of Moulin Rouge quote,
the greatest thing in the world is to be loved
and to be loved in return from the spectacular spectacular.
So that's all I have to add.
Do you want to show them your Lego mug
before he's talking off y'all?
He was like, I got my Lego mug.
Oh, you got it.
You got to come in there.
I'm being censored.
No, it's just the screen.
So he's so proud of the Lego mug.
Y'all, for those of you that don't know,
we coined him as the Lego pastor.
And for those that were on a session with us before,
some of y'all have kind of been like,
oh yeah, Brian loves Lego.
So I wanted to give him that little shout out
before we log off tonight.
Joss and Kerry, Eric and Belinda, AJ and Brittany,
thank you.
Thank you for being here tonight and sharing vulnerably
and opening your lives and hearts to us.
Man, it's been encouraging to me.
And so I believe it's been encouraging
to everyone else here.
And AJ and Brittany, we're praying for you
as you prepare for your wedding day.
For Joss and Kerry and Eric and Belinda,
we're praying and asking God to cover your marriage
and your relationship and to continue to cause you
to flourish in your families as well.
And so thank you again for being here.
Would you mind to pray us out?
That would be amazing.
Lean forward.
Heavenly Father, we just thank you for this evening.
We thank you for the stories that we get to hear
of how you're working.
And Lord, we're so thankful for all the stories
that are being written even now.
The people that you have in store,
the spirit mates that you are preparing even now.
So Lord, as we go our separate ways,
even though we separate, you never leave us.
So we just thank you for that.
Continue to work in us and make us more and more
like you, Jesus, each day.
In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
Amen, amen.
Thank you again, everyone.
Have a good night.
Bye.
Thank you, Bethany and Brian.
Bye, thanks guys.