All right. Welcome, ladies. This is the Love Story Accelerator. It's our heart check-in.
It's 1 o'clock Eastern. It's 12 o'clock here where I'm at in Texas. Yes, we missed you
as well, Kim. Good to see you. Totally fine, Marlene. Or is it Marley? Sorry. You can't
get your camera on. That's fine. I know you've been on camera before. If you've never been
on camera before, ladies, I do want to see your face. Okay. Always good to see you. So
yes, this is your live check-in. It is July 8th, 2025. Do I have any new ladies on? This
is your first time in Phase 2 Love Story Accelerator check-in. I think I recognize
most of you. Okay, Elizabeth, you are new to the 1 p.m. session. Okay, yeah, I've seen
your post, so I recognized your name. But we're glad to have you here. So good to see
you. Well, ladies, if any of you are watching in replay, I want to welcome you as well.
My name is Carla Johnson. I'm one of the dating coaches here at Last Year Single. I've been
working for Jackie now over a year and a half, but I was actually in the program before I
started working with her. So I joined her in October of 2020 when I was single. And
after a couple years of, you know, the ups and downs, the, you know, putting myself out
there, stretching myself, leaning into what God wanted me to go through and process and
my journey, I did meet my husband. So we've now been married almost two years in September.
So I say that because I have been where you ladies have been. Okay, so I worked this program.
I've gone through the ups, the downs, the all of it. Okay, so I totally, totally get it.
Jen, welcome. Good to see your face. You are new here. Awesome. Perfect. Well, I'm so glad
you're able to make this live session. Ladies, just remember, these live sessions are sometimes
we get the most breakthrough. And so we understand that if timing, you might not be able to get
here, but I do want to encourage you to watch the replay. But if you can find the intentional
time to prioritize this Tuesday call in your schedule, at least during the season that you're
in the Lestory Accelerator phase, then I want to encourage you to do so. So we have the one
o'clock Eastern time and we also have an eight o'clock Eastern time. And so again, if you ladies
are new to Lestory Accelerator phase, just what I want to kind of just preface,
this is what we kind of call the discovery dating phase. And so what we mean by that is we want you
to start preparing your heart for dating. Okay, we held you off in phase one and that was super
critical. Mary is so good to see you. Oh, so good to see you. But yeah, we want to start preparing
you for either if you are ready to step into dating now, or if you kind of just want to soak
in it a little bit and prepare yourself to step out into dating, we want you to start getting
that ready. And so the biggest reason why we call it discovery dating is because it really is a time
for you to discover more about yourself and other people. Okay, this is a new dating
experience for you. I know we all have passed with dating before, whether it was online
dating, we didn't like it. Maybe we dated and had just horrible pickers. I had a horrible
picker, y'all. I had such a horrible picker. And just sometimes it's a little scary.
Like you think, oh, this is going to just be the same thing that I was dealing with before.
And it really isn't. It isn't doesn't have to be. Okay. And so we put some guardrails in place for
you. We start, you know, hopefully you ladies are starting to get vulnerable and share with us,
like what's going on in your life. And then that way it opens you up to share with us what's
happening in your dating life. And it doesn't have to be that way. Okay. It really is taking
the opportunity to learn a little bit more about yourself. Okay. Now that you got heartwork,
you're going to date differently. Believe it or not,
you will date differently. If you allow yourself to date differently.
Okay, but you're gonna discover you're gonna discover some things when you're dating
that need to be healed or
Patterns that you have that you're like, oh
Wow, that's something that I was doing and maybe that's why I was in the situation
I was in like there's some accountability there. All right, maybe you were attracted to the bad boys
That was me. I was always attracted to the bad boys
All right, and once I got some healing I started recognizing what about
that was
Making me attracted to it. And once I got some heart work and I started putting myself out there in this discovery dating
I started to recognize that there was an opportunity for me to grow
deeper in my relationship with the Lord
But deeper on my identity and what I wanted and what I didn't want
Okay, and so I learned my patterns that weren't healthy so that I could heal those I
learned that there were good men out there and
I was starting to become more attracted to the healthier men than I was to the unhealthy bad boys
So it was a celebration. Okay, so
I
Also preface this with you ladies and you know, I know this is not gonna be what you want to hear. Okay?
But if you know, you're starting to get into that dating
I really want you ladies to just sit in the idea that the first guy that you meet
Most likely isn't gonna be your spirit mate. Okay?
There's gonna be some growing and some learning that needs to take place. Okay? I'm not saying that it can't happen
I'm saying that
90 let's say 98% of the time that first guy that you're dating right out of heartwork is probably not your spirit mate
Okay, because you got to learn some new things about yourself
You're gonna you know getting your feet wet and all that kind of stuff
Like I said doesn't mean that it can't happen
Okay, you know God can do some pretty miraculous things, but in my many years in this program
It never worked out that way for most of us women here. Okay, so
If you go into it, like you are just discovering more about yourself and what you like about people
Then you're you're gonna be fine. Okay, so just go in with that heart and just be ready to
You know invite God into this whole idea of like what?
Opportunities and experiences. Can you have to grow and learn?
Okay, so I kind of spent a lot of time kind of going over that but I I do like to kind of sometimes
Remind my ladies
What this this we call, you know, love story accelerator will come phase two is all about. Okay
I'm gonna go ahead and quickly just pray us in and then go over a couple housekeeping things and then we'll go into the
Activations and then take your questions. How about that? All right, Heavenly Father. I just thank you for this time together
Lord, I just ask that you open
Everyone's hearts to your wisdom and your truth
Lord, I ask that there just be vulnerability shared shared here Lord. I thank you for
Each journey that you have for every single woman in that on this call and listening into replay and in this community in general
Lord you are here to prepare our hearts
for the deepest desires of our hearts that you've put in there and
So we want to
just
Absorb all the preparation that's necessary
so that we can have a full and abundant life with you with what you what you bless us with and
So Lord, I just ask that you again you open our hearts and our minds to your wisdom and your truth
And just be with us today. Amen
All right
Um
So Sarah you said I have definitely felt a major difference going back into dating field after hard work. Awesome
It's been refreshing and empowering. I love that. That's so awesome
Yeah, and a lot of you ladies will experience that if you allow yourself to for sure
Okay, a couple just housekeeping things again. Remember when you are finished with love story accelerator
Which means you've been here at least five weeks you've watched every one of our
Videos again, I'm gonna preface you ladies. Do not rush through those videos
Okay, I was actually I think I shared with them. I think was Laurie Laurie eyes
I told her hey, don't go rewatch the rewatch some of those those beginning videos and she did so and she
Says she feels so much better after doing so
You know, you can watch them a handful of times
Okay, but we definitely want you to take one video a week and really
please sit and process it, okay?
Don't, you don't have to rush through it.
You just sit and process it.
What is the Lord speaking to you?
What does he want to reveal to you?
What does he want you practicing this week, okay?
And remember ladies, it doesn't have,
you don't have to be dating in this phase.
Believe it or not, you don't have to be dating.
If you need a little more time, we totally get it.
But I want to encourage you that if you are not dating,
you are still actively participating in this community.
And this goes for everybody, whether you're dating or not.
We want to know what's going on in your life,
not just your dating life.
We want to build relationship with you, okay?
I was in this program and I have built so many relationships
in those beginning stages.
And it wasn't always about my,
I shared stuff that wasn't always about my dating stuff.
Like what was going on in my life?
What was God growing me in?
What was he showing me?
What breakthroughs was I having in my identity
and my self-worth and community and family
and all these other things about being a mom.
It was a single mom to a little.
Like he became like our like little mascot.
My son, when I first started,
he was like four or five years old.
Like now he's almost 10.
And like all the ladies knew who he was.
And like, I would visit with a lot of the women.
Women would come visit me in Florida.
Like, and everybody just knew
what was going on in Beau's life.
That's my youngest, all right?
So I didn't just share about my dating experiences.
I shared my life.
And so I really want to encourage you ladies
to do the same.
But yeah, when you're finished with Love Story Accelerator,
go ahead and shoot a message,
an email over to admin at JackieDorman.com.
And they will shift you over to the all community phase.
Okay?
So last week, ladies,
how did you do with connecting
with some of the women in the community?
Does anybody want to unmute and share like your experience?
How did that go?
I feel like I reached out to somebody from this group
and we talked a little bit.
I wonder if she's on here.
I'm looking really quickly.
No, I don't see her on here.
But when we shared numbers at first,
I remember thinking like,
oh, I don't really want to do that.
But then I had shared something
and she put in the comments
that she felt like she was experiencing something similar.
So I reached out and we've been texting
and we really like connected
on having that like similar experience.
I felt like that was kind of cool.
Good, yeah.
Yeah, I did do it.
Yes, ladies.
And I want to even encourage you.
So I'm guessing, Sandy,
she probably, does she live close to you or no?
No, she lives across the country.
She lives in North Carolina and I'm in California.
Exactly, ladies.
So I want to encourage you.
Like I know some people are like,
oh, I'm just looking for someone that lives in,
you know, who's in DFW area.
Like I want to connect with you.
That's great.
If you can find someone in this community
that lives close to you
and you can go hang out and visit,
but even if there isn't someone in your area,
still connect.
Because the cool thing is,
is then you got somebody to visit.
All right.
I made so many friends from all over.
I was living in Florida.
I went to Atlanta a handful of times.
I stayed with one of the girls and her kids.
Like me and my son went up there.
We like, she invited us to like stay there.
So it saved me from having to, you know,
buy a hotel or an Airbnb.
And again, we did life together
because we did life in community.
Whether, I mean, we were on Zoom calls,
we were in the apps,
like we were in Facebook at that point,
but we were still like connecting in that way.
We do sometimes do retreats.
So I met her on a retreat to Austin in the beginning.
So yeah, I want to encourage you ladies
just to continue to, you know, branch off,
like get to know somebody, you know,
this is your community.
And I know that sometimes it can feel a little scary
to allow people to come in,
especially if we've been hurt in community,
but we also know that Jesus wants us to be healed.
So if we've been hurt in community,
he wants to heal us in community too.
And so we do that by allowing ourselves
to connect with safe people.
And ladies, we get to know you.
We see you, we know you.
Okay, we're safe here.
This is a safe space, okay?
So just keep that in mind,
continue to connect in community.
If you did not get to go to Ebony's call last Tuesday,
her eight o'clock one,
I encourage you to listen.
into it. I think her and the women kind of went and broke down just how important community is
and how it ties into marriage and that, you know, especially if it's tied to loneliness.
Ladies, if we want marriage because we're lonely, guess what? Marriage isn't going to
isn't going to heal our loneliness. It just isn't. Okay, so let's prepare ourselves
for connection by connecting a community so we can fully connect with our spirit mates as well.
Okay, and let me tell you, your spirit mate isn't going to be your end-all be-all.
Okay, I love my husband dearly. He is my, you know, God's my number one. He's my number two,
but I still need community. I still need women. All right, I love my husband. He's a man though.
There's just something like some men just don't get it. You know, we're different creatures,
and so it is important to still have female relationships as well, and so I want to encourage
you to do that this week. Go listen to Ebony's replay if you can for next week activation.
Again, I'm going to activate you to listen to Supernatural Saturday. I was able to listen to
it last night. It was really, really good. It actually encouraged me to re-look at some
things that are happening in my life and start partnering with God to shift some of that stuff,
and so my activation for you ladies this week is kind of tied to that, so I definitely want
you listening to Supernatural Saturday first because it's going to make more sense. Okay,
but I want you ladies to revisit your Jesus Cares Board. Okay, that Jesus Cares Board that you
should have created in phase one of the heart work, right? I know mine has been in the back
of my closet for a long time, y'all, and so I need to pull that out and like just revamp it,
so that's my plan for myself this week, so I want you ladies revisiting your Jesus Care Board as
well. I want you to post a photo in our app, and I want you to share with us is there something on
that Jesus Cares Board that has been answered for you because I do want you celebrating the wins.
Okay, but this is the one I really, really want you to focus on this week. I want you to pick
something on your Jesus Cares Board this week that you need to make a plan to partner with God
to help make happen. So when you listen to Supernatural Saturday, that will make sense,
all right? What's interesting is the sermon that I had at my church this week
was very similar to what Jackie was sharing on Supernatural Saturday.
We have to be able to, like we want, faith is so important, but we have to, and prayers are important,
but we have to step into the action. We have to be willing to partner with God, and what that
doesn't mean, it doesn't mean that, you know, God's not going to give blessings to you. He's
not going to withhold something because you didn't do something, okay? That's not the God that we
that loves us, right? But we do need to partner with Him. We need to believe that He can move
and do things supernaturally. So we got to put feet to those prayers. So I want you ladies looking
at those Jesus Care Board, post us a photo, share with us a little about it, okay?
But pick something on there that you're like, I've been asking Jesus to take this, and this is what
I believe He's sharing with me on what to do about it, okay? So let's say, for example, it might be a
something financial, okay? That's definitely, I've got a lot of financial things that need to go on
our Jesus Cares Board for our family, and so I want to start getting into that. I'm going to
and so I'm going to start getting more specific, but I'm going to ask God, okay, what can I do to
be partnering with this? And I've done this once before, and I did it actually the beginning of the
year, and I made a poster for our family in our dining room on a get out of debt battle plan for
our family. I mean, I included my kids on this, y'all. That was my plan. I'm partnering with that
I know God can provide and help get us out of debt. He can provide ways for us to make income.
He can provide debts to be forgiven, all sorts of stuff.
I included my kids on that so that my kids can help us partner with it too.
Then it teaches my kids,
look, this is why it's important to steward your money well.
Then when we find ourselves in certain situations,
that we can lean on the Lord and he's going to help provide for us.
My husband and I, when we got married,
neither one of us really had any debt,
but there was a lot of crazy stuff that happened right before we got married,
that found us in a mountain of debt.
We're like, what happened?
Now we're almost two years into marriage and it's like,
how do we get here?
But we do trust that God is moving.
Maybe it's something financial.
I'm partnering, okay, we're going to meal plan.
I'm going to meal plan better.
I'm going to grocery shop better.
I'm going to be more mindful of that.
Those are things that I can be doing to partner with it and it's a plan.
I can do what I can do.
God will do what he can do.
It's just one example.
Now, I know a lot of you ladies might be,
okay, I want marriage.
This is how I'm going to partner with marriage.
Share with us.
Maybe I'm going to get on the apps.
I don't want to get on the apps,
but I'm going to trust that God's got this.
Maybe I'm going to do some volunteering,
volunteer groups, active groups, whatever it is.
Tell us what your plan is to partner with what it is that you're asking God to make happen.
Cool? Thumbs up.
Any questions? If you have questions, let me know.
We'll be doing that.
Awesome. Just right before I get onto questions,
I do want to touch base a little bit.
Actually, I'm going to ask first,
do I have any women on here that are single moms?
Raise your avatar hand if you are a single mama.
You got some young kiddos,
like 18 and younger.
I got three of you. Awesome.
Do I have any other women that have children, but they're adult children?
Okay. Stephanie, I see Kathy,
Kim, Lori, both Loris, I think do.
Okay, cool. All right.
I'm just going to touch a little bit on this.
I felt really just pressed to talk a little bit about it.
I was a single mom as well.
I was asking my husband about this last night.
Dating and being a single mom can have its challenges, right?
I specifically want to preface this.
When do you introduce men to your children?
If your children are a little bit older,
that's not going to be as,
you're probably not going to be as mindful as that as if you're younger.
But I really want to encourage you.
I was talking to my husband because y'all,
and the reason I share this is because my husband was a widow.
He had two children,
and so he was dating.
I think his wife had passed four to five years before I met him.
He was dating after she passed,
and he introduced his kids, our kids,
I call them my kids now too,
to a handful of women that he dated.
I personally was convicted,
and I know not everyone has these convictions.
I was strongly convicted to not introduce my son to anybody that I dated.
I really prayed a lot into that,
and it was really, really important that if I was going to
introduce my child to somebody that I was dating,
it was going to be that this was heading towards marriage.
I really want to encourage you ladies to press into that and really be praying about that.
Again, it was my conviction.
But the reason I want to preface this is I really want you ladies to think
about when it's appropriate to introduce your children to somebody that you're dating.
Because it can create all sorts of lies and situations for your kids too.
It can create issues that,
let's say you introduce them to somebody that's not your spirit mate.
This is what happened to me,
and this is why I share this,
is my husband introduced his kids.
to a couple different women and then when I came in the picture my oldest son
was a little more guarded to allow me to come in like he was really unsure it was
really hard for him at first okay and he warmed up as we were dating and we were
in the engagement period that by the time we got married he and I had a
pretty close relationship and you know we're continuing that my daughter on the
other hand she clung to me immediately she needed she wanted a mother she
desired a mother but she had done that with so many other women and then we get
married she didn't like that I was stepping into this mother role because
then I wasn't just this fun person okay that dad's dating now I have to come in
I'm living in the house I'm setting rules and boundaries I'm doing all these
things like the mother is supposed to do I'm homeschooling them okay and she
didn't like it she didn't like it at all and there was a lot of friction she
constantly was trying to divide me and my husband and one way she did that she's
constantly bringing up the ex-girlfriends like she'd say their name
like it was it was difficult y'all I share that because it was difficult for
me and so my husband I had the conversation and I mean obviously I love
him dearly and you know we can't change things that happen in the past but I did
express to him I'm like it really hurts me that you didn't wait to introduce
your kids to the person that you were going to marry because it's caused
hardship in my life and built and building connection with your children
and I wish you would have held on to that and kept that a little more sacred
so that I could have had a better an easier way okay not that it's I mean we
all have to go through some hard stuff but that's why I say that okay so you
really want to be very sure before you start introducing your kids to someone
that you're dating it's really important in those early level two stages that
you're building a foundation with the person that you're getting to know
it's so important okay we want to make like your love story is gonna be your
kids love story too okay and this can even happen even with your adult
children okay they might not be warm to the idea of you dating somebody okay so
you want to make sure that you're building enough connection and you've
gotten to know someone that they're a trusted safe person because you've built
foundation with them before introducing them and causing some turmoil or some
questioning or whatever have you does that make sense
does that make sense okay so do you want to preface we can we can dig into that a
little more if anybody has more questions about it but again I just want
you ladies to make sure that you're pacing yourselves well okay an
appropriate time for introducing people to your children probably towards the
end of level two going into your level three exclusive exclusive relationship
okay some people depending on how long you dated in level two it might be
appropriate if you get into level three quickly I'd still give it some time to
really get to know somebody to really make sure is this person marriage
minded we get along do we you know do we see ourself moving towards a future
together all right you've experienced some things you may be even I always say
you definitely want to have an argument with somebody you want to see how people
argue like typically it's really unhealthy if like you're dating someone
you're like oh we never fight there's something wrong there y'all like I thought
with my best friend I mean before I was married and now obviously even my
husband and I we get into some arguments you know but you're gonna want to you
want to know how does the person like can you get into some arguments with
somebody and you can you be respectful and all that good stuff okay all right I
got some questions so I'm gonna take your questions we've got like 45 minutes
which is a good amount of time I've got 21 ladies on so shoot your questions to
me raise that avatar hands
Don't be shy.
Let's see if I can pick on some people that maybe haven't heard on in a while.
Put those avatar hands up.
See, it's always my same people.
I love it. I love it.
I love it. I love it. I love it.
Awesome. Awesome. Good.
Good. Good. All right.
Mary, I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks.
I'm going to take your question.
How are you doing, my dear?
We've been praying for you.
Oh, thank you so much.
I really felt the prayers.
So, yeah, thank you.
It's been a difficult few weeks with my dad's declining health
and then my mum as well.
And my parents aren't together.
So and I've been working full time and covering for people
and my health's not been good.
So. So, yeah.
So I've been posting in the app.
So I'm really grateful.
I really felt the prayers.
So thank you for that.
But I've been listening to Supernatural Saturday
and I did watch the replay of last week
and I just want to say thanks to Christine,
because I I actually blushed when I listened.
I went red because I was just so touched by her lovely words.
But I've had a couple of full circle moments
which have come to me.
So and it's not specifically
relating to sort of dating or anything like that.
But I actually sense that God wants me to go back
to the church that I had stepped away from.
There was some conflict there and they've actually kind of
there's been a little bit of a split with
with some people that didn't want to go a certain way.
And I've just had that sense that God wants me to go back.
So I'm going back this Sunday and I had joined a new gym
and I just and I'm not enjoying it.
And I've had a sense that God wants me to go back
to my old place.
So I said, right, OK, let's go and do that.
So I thought, wow, I've had two full circle moments.
And I've been really struck by what Jackie has said about
the scripture of a man plans his way, but God directs his steps.
And just what you were saying as well and that moving.
And I was kind of think about it as.
You can't move a car unless you put it in gear
or, you know, you're just on a journey.
I think, well, God can direct me if I'm moving.
But if I'm standing, I'm not you know, I don't know which way to go.
It's best to step out.
So. So, yeah, so I feel like I'm stepping out.
So I am on a few dating apps.
I'm not really I'm waving to guys,
not really getting any responses, except they could be in like Argentina or
I've set my preferences for the UK.
And but they're still coming from South America.
And there's some in the UK, but there's like four or 500 miles away.
And, you know, they're nice.
They seem nice guys.
But I am not seem to be meeting anybody
closer. And from what you said last week, Carla,
it really resonated with me because I was thinking my heart's
not completely in the online dating.
And I think I actually feel comforted, comforted by a lot of people
not feeling that way as well.
I'm very old fashioned and I'd want to meet someone, get to know them.
But online dating seems to be the way to kind of do that at times.
So. So, yeah. So on a journey.
And I'm just really grateful to be back.
And yeah. So thank you.
Thank you all. You're so welcome.
Yeah, ladies, there's a couple of things
that I wanted to touch on.
I wrote I wrote down the not having the heart for online dating.
If you're not in it, like we're not going to force you to go do it.
I always encourage it because it allows you to get your feet wet.
And that's honestly, that's a lot of how people are dating nowadays.
I didn't love it, but, you know, I was open to it.
OK, so if you have to do it and then you just, you know, you go to it
and then you give it a week or so and you're like, OK, I'm gonna take a break
and then go back, just keep going back and forth to it.
But ladies, if you don't feel like online dating is what you where you want to start.
I want to encourage you, ladies, to go go out and do things that you enjoy.
Go have fun.
So, Mary, I really want to encourage you, you've had a lot going on.
A lot of heaviness, I think, has been happening in your life right now.
And I really want to encourage you.
For some self-care, go go plan and go do some things like at least once a week
that. Is fun for you.
Like really sit with the Lord and ask him, like, where do you want me to go?
What do you want me to go do? What do you want me to go enjoy?
And you'll be surprised like, ladies, if you're going out and having fun, especially if you're
around people, you're going to meet people and ladies, you don't have to meet men.
You can meet other women.
Do you know women can actually connect you to your spirit mate?
One of the women in this community connected me to my spirit mate.
Like it can happen.
You, you never know who you're going to meet and how they are connected.
What is it?
The six degrees, it's, um, you know, does anybody know who Kevin Bacon is?
He's an actor here in the United States, like it's the, it's like the six, six degrees of
Kevin Bacon.
Like everybody is tied to Kevin Bacon, but there's possibly six degrees or less that
someone is connected to your spirit mate.
All right.
So go out, have fun.
I know that online dating is not a blast.
Okay.
We got to shift our mindset and say, okay, I'm going to be open-minded to this, but it
doesn't have to be your only way.
Okay.
And then the last thing, Mary, you brought up, I love, I love the scripture and yes,
Jackie shared this too.
A man can, can plan his way, but God directs your step.
And the thing that just every time I hear that scripture, or I think about, you know,
putting things into action and doing, and just kind of stepping out in faith and just
being like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I'm going to go do this.
God always redirects me.
And I always get this vision of the GPS.
And I probably could pull up the video from many years ago when I was in this community,
because back then we used to do videos.
We would make posts and we would post videos and it kind of got out of hand because some
of us like me would spend 20 to 30 minutes talking on a live just to, you know, whoever
was watching.
And, but I remember there was one, I was literally in the car driving and, and God just clearly
showed me like, there's all these different ways that you can get to your destination,
but I'm going to give you the best.
I'm going to give you the quickest, the most exhilarated way.
And if you make a wrong turn, it's okay.
And sometimes there'll be traffic and he would take me on this route.
And I'd be like, Whoa, that's like way, that's way out of the way.
It was the scenic route and there was such a journey, but it actually got me there quicker
because there was a bunch of traffic on the, what was supposed to be the quickest way.
So I love that ladies just get out, step out in faith, you know, make a plan.
God is going to direct your path.
He will.
If you're stepping in the wrong direction, he will course correct if we're open to hearing
him.
Okay.
So keep that in mind, Mary, thank you so much for your update.
Good to see you.
Cause I just want to say that the word that was coming to me over the last week was rerouted
as well.
And that's just what, just similar to what you've said as well.
And it might be for other people as well, that God is going to reroute us.
So.
Yes.
Amen.
That's confirmation right there.
I love it.
All right.
Sarah, I see your hand.
Can you come on camera?
If not, it's totally fine.
Hello.
There she is.
Hi.
Hello.
I know I'm normally like working at the same time and I'm like looking like this 5,000
times.
So I'm not trying to be distracting.
You're good.
But I do just want to say for those that like are kind of feeling hesitant towards the dating
apps.
I was on it before the heartwork, then went through the heartwork and now back in it,
it actually is a little more fun now than like, like literally before I joined this
program, I was like, Lord, I'm, I'm tired.
Like I, I need your help in all of this.
And so since that, I mean, it's just been a different experience on the app.
So just a little encouragement for those that are not wanting to do that.
My question is though, something I've found coming up for me in the dating world is I
find myself wanting to figure out why people are the way they are.
And I'm shifting a little faster now than I used to.
It's something I think I've kind of always struggled with.
I had struggled with it in my marriage.
I'm like, I don't understand why he's like this.
A counselor had said, you never will.
And I was like, Oh, that was really freeing, but I'll still find myself wanting to be like
that office gift where it's Michael.
And he's like, why are you the way that you are?
Or like that whole circus thing of like, let me check out like, you know, the color of their
bra. I don't know.
It's very strange.
So I'm just curious if you have any like input on that, if you've ever struggled with that or.
Well, I think, you know, I don't think it's always necessarily, I mean, do you look at
it as it's unhealthy or do you think that it can be healthy?
I think it could be unhealthy if I got stuck in it.
Yes.
Yeah.
But I would say that it's probably, it's, to me, I think it's a good quality.
You want to learn why people make the choices that they make or act the way that they act
because you want to have connection.
To me, like, that's the thing that I think of, like when you were sharing that, I'm like,
you just desire deep connection with people and there's nothing wrong with that.
I think it's a matter of now, are you, is it coming from a place of frustration because
they're not doing something that you want them to do or act the way that you want them
to act?
If that's the case, then that's when you're going to have to have that heart check in
with yourself.
When you see that kind of coming up and surfacing, you need to kind of check your heart posture.
Like, okay, Lord, you know, this is actually just coming up in my spirit that I, I think
I shared it last week and I'm going to share it or maybe I think I might've done it on
my one-on-one call.
Ladies, it's really important to start asking God good questions.
When things come up, like start asking him good questions.
Okay, Lord, show me where this is rooted in.
You know, help me see like, what memories do you have for me?
What's, what's coming to service?
What is it that I'm believing about this, you know, feeling or concern or, you know,
my curiosity is this coming from a place of, you know, a good heart posture or is it coming
from a place of wanting control or, um, needing to know so that they, I can, you know, manipulate
them, whatever it is.
And I'm not showing your cases, but I think when you seeing that, when you see that surface,
be open to asking yourself, why is it there?
Does that, it doesn't, it is a genuine, like, I'm just a very, like, I love to know why
people are wired.
I mean, I'm very passionate about health in all forms.
It used to be physical.
Now it's mental, emotional.
And I'm like, it's so intriguing to me.
So it comes from a curiosity place, not a, what is wrong with you and why are you not,
you know, it's just kind of like, interesting.
I want to learn a little bit more about that, but you don't want to learn more about it
if they're red flags.
Yes, exactly.
So that's, that's what I'm saying.
Like to me, when you said it, I'm thinking, well, this is coming from a place of just
wanting deep connection.
Yeah.
Okay.
Really wanting to connect with people.
And I don't think that there's anything wrong with it where I will caution you is what stage
of dating are you in and what questions are you asking a person?
Like you don't want to deep dive with someone on a first date, second date.
Okay.
Right.
You know, you might put those types of things in the backyard.
I'm like, I wonder why they said it that way, or I wonder why they did this instead of this.
And those are things like, again, like my husband has opened my eyes to asking more
questions and he always encourages me.
He's like, you know, cause again, I sometimes will go to him for the male perspective of
things.
Okay.
And he's like, Carla, what women need to understand is that they just need to ask men questions.
A lot of times, like I will think he responded a certain way because of something completely
different.
And when I share it with him, he's like, that's not at all what was going on in my head, Carla.
That's not why I said that, or it's not what did the hat.
And I'm like, huh?
Because he's a man.
They're wired differently.
I have the pink headphones and they have the blue headphones.
Have you read that book before?
No.
I just want, that's why I chuckled when you said it made me think about that.
The whole blue and pink headphones on.
So yeah, I would, I would look at it as more as like you just desire deep connection, you
know, God's just showing that you desire deep connection and yeah, just be mindful of, you
know, and asking those good questions of when things surface.
And like you said, if you see some ladies, you're going to see yellow flags.
Yeah.
And you're going to wonder why they act that way or do that and whatever.
Yellow flags are not a reason to cut and run.
All right.
We'll help you.
We'll help you figure out what those red flags are.
If you've got some, if you have a yellow flag, bring it, bring it to our attention and we're
going to be like, okay, yeah, that's a yellow flag.
Just pace yourself, be mindful of things, see how they're responding.
Are they respecting boundaries?
Are they communicating well?
Are they open?
have an open heart, all sorts of things, okay?
So just keep that in mind.
Thanks, I appreciate that.
Awesome, thanks for your question, Sarah.
I appreciate you.
You're welcome.
All right, I had a bunch,
did I have a lot of people jump off
or I feel like I had way more hands
and now they're gone.
Maybe I answered your question.
Maybe I didn't, I don't know.
Okay, Stephanie, is this my Stephanie from,
is this my Stephanie?
Yeah, this is your Stephanie.
Okay.
Thank you.
My earring, Stephanie.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
So guess what?
I have my first date tomorrow.
Yeah, I'm super nervous.
So I have a couple of questions.
Okay, so he told me that he is a cheapo, very cheapo.
And he says, he is a cheapo, he says he's very frugal.
He shopped at the thrift store and all that stuff.
So he mentioned that when he's coming tomorrow,
so he's like an hour and a half away from me.
So when he's coming tomorrow,
he said he's gonna see if he can pick up a,
cause he does DoorDash.
If he's gonna see if he can pick up a DoorDash thing.
So I was like, okay, I sound a little funny about it.
And then I was like, okay,
probably I'm just a little nervous about that.
And then he mentioned about,
you know, sex came up.
I know it should have done,
but I make sure I told him that I personally,
I wanna wait until marriage before that came up,
anything like that.
So, you know, I told him we're dating for discovery.
So just to see if we like each other and anything like that.
And, you know, he was fine with that.
He planned a very good date.
I thought it was a good day,
but I chose to do one because I didn't wanna leave
and go somewhere else cause I didn't know him.
And then he asked me what type of car I drive.
So in my head, I think I watched too much 48 hours.
In my head, I was like, what is this?
I'm like, you know, my son, my son is only 18.
So he was in the car when I was talking about it.
And he was like, you know, you didn't tell me,
you should let me know.
So my son is actually the person
who picked the place I should go,
but then I couldn't go there anymore
because he's allergic to cheese.
So we're gonna go to the dinosaur barbecue place.
And we said, we can sit there.
The only thing about it is that
because there's not a lot of place to park.
So I wanted to park somewhere far away
where I could have walked, but where it is,
it's kind of a little bit challenging.
So I was trying to figure should my son drop me
or should, you know, I drive my own car, you know?
So those are the things.
I just wanna make sure that I'm safe.
I don't have, when you talk about a community,
I don't have a community here.
So it was a little bit, you know, yeah.
Okay, a ton of questions.
Got it, got it, okay.
What time of the day are you meeting him?
Tomorrow at 1 p.m.
Okay, so it's daytime and you're going somewhere
where there's lots of people.
Tons of people.
So I said I was gonna get there half an hour before,
see if he can speak to one of the waitress,
like what you said, if it's like as a bar and let them know.
So I make sure I pee before I go to the dates.
I don't have to get up to pee at all
or use the bathroom, do anything.
So those are some of the stuff I said I would do.
Yeah, that's good, that's good.
If you can arrive 30 minutes prior,
I think you're fine to drive.
I mean, are you saying that the parking is far,
that you have to walk to your car, or is there-
No, the parking is right there.
So you will see, you know, I wouldn't have an excuse
to say why I'm staying in the restaurant
and wait until he goes.
Because he asked me what type of car I drive.
So that's my only thing I was like, oh my God.
So I was hoping that my-
Again, who knows, again, kind of like Sarah,
like why do people say or do things that say like,
what is the reason to know what kind of car you drive?
I don't know.
I mean, it could be just innocent.
It could be weird.
I don't know, it could be whatever.
I don't think that there's anything wrong
with you driving yourself.
I typically prefer to drive myself
so that I'm not stuck somewhere,
so that in case something gets weird
and I have to leave, I'm not having to stick around
and wait for somebody to come pick me up.
What I will say, and this is something that even I had,
you know, even my therapist was even told me to do,
is when you get in your car and drive away,
like go stop on an errand.
Okay.
Don't drive straight to your house right away.
Okay.
Like go fill up your car with gas,
go, you know, go grab a few things at the grocery store,
do something, maybe go, you know, again,
to a public park and go take a walk somewhere.
but where there's people, okay?
So then that way, you know, again, so that's like,
not just on dates, but I, like,
people told me to do that even,
because I used to sell things on Facebook Marketplace.
And they're like, don't, don't,
why are you driving to meet people?
Or letting people know where you live?
These are complete strangers.
And I was like, I don't know.
So yeah, I think you're completely fine to drive yourself.
As long as it's public, you're, you know,
it's in the middle of the day.
I don't know why he would ask you
what kind of car you drive.
The one thing that came up and I wrote down
is when he shared that he's cheapo and he's frugal,
he probably has a scarcity or poverty mindset.
So to me, so, and again, somebody else was asking,
what's the difference between yellow flags and red flags?
To me, that would be a yellow flag.
If someone's talking about how cheap and frugal they are,
right out the gate, you might start seeing
other tendencies of a scarcity, poverty mindset.
Okay, so just keep that in mind.
Doesn't mean that it's a reason to cut and run,
but it's just things to be mindful in,
especially if it's gonna be someone
that you are gonna be entering marriage, okay?
Okay.
Okay, so Sandy, you say that's a red flag.
Truth be told, ladies, I'm frugal.
I'm a cheapo.
All right?
It doesn't always have to be a red flag, okay?
I sometimes do struggle with the scarcity, poverty mindset.
That's something that came up to me
when I was in this community and I was dating, okay?
But where those yellow flags can turn green
is how do they operate?
How do they,
are they open to looking and working on that, okay?
So I'm very frugal, okay?
I don't like to spend a lot of money.
I'm the one that freaked out
when we found ourself in debt.
I freak out about going out to nice restaurants.
My husband is a spender, y'all.
He just likes to spend money.
He's the spender, I'm the saver.
If anybody's ever done the Dave Ramsey,
you know what I'm talking about, okay?
I'm the one that has the budget.
I've got it all written out, calculated up, everything.
I'm sitting there figuring out
how much did we spend on groceries this month?
How much have we spent on going out to eat?
So what happens is that my husband and I
kind of balance each other in this area.
But I'm very open to, look, as frugal as I am,
I have a plan.
I'm not staying in this,
I'm not, sometimes people are cheap
because maybe they just, they have a lot of debt.
And right now they're trying to get themselves out of debt.
So again, this is to me is more of a yellow flag.
And as you get to know him more now,
if he is not going to be willing to want to
treat you places and be able to,
I mean, it doesn't mean
that you have to go to fancy restaurants.
It doesn't mean that you have to do,
he has to buy you these extravagant gifts.
But is he willing to utilize some of his resources
to help, to spend time with you?
Is he going to offer to pay for dinner
and maybe take you for ice cream or grab your coffee?
Or this is where, so if he's willing
and he's showing that he's doing that,
I think it's interesting that he's doing a door dash.
So he's willing to come drive to you,
but he also knows, okay,
this is gonna be a bit of an expense.
So I'm gonna need to compensate
and maybe make a little money.
If I'm going down that way,
maybe I can pick up a door dash
and an order and make a little extra money
because it's gonna cost me a little extra money
to go down and get gas.
I mean, that's kind of my thought process.
I'm like, okay, that could be like,
this is where it's turning a little green,
where it can turn red is if he expects you
to take care of all the expenses.
Where if you start spending time with him
and he wants you to pay for them.
I offered to pay him
because he was talking about being cheap.
I told him I'm okay paying for my own meal
because he was, and he said, it's absolutely okay.
It's up to me what I wanna do,
but he didn't say yes or no, because I don't know.
I have, I'm very scared because my ex-husband was a spender
and he was just, and left me in a financial ruin.
So every time I hear that, I don't know if it's a trigger.
I'm not saying, he's a great guy,
respect my boundaries and everything,
but I'm so, that is what is my biggest scare right now.
I'm not saying I'm gonna marry the guy,
but I'm just saying those are the things
that really scares me when I hear it.
Yeah, so those are the.
I'm saying these are gonna be things that for you just to keep an eye on and and you know
I want to encourage you let him take the lead on whether or not he pays or not
You know if he's just saying hey, look, I'm kind of frugal. I'm a little bit of a teapot, you know again
We don't know why he said that maybe it's because he's you know women have you know
Complained to him about it. Who knows
But allow him to step into that he can be cheap, but is he willing to invest some time and money
Ladies I really I'm a firm believer and I know Jackie's a firm believer. Let men pay for the dates
Let them pay
Okay
Doesn't mean that they have to always and it doesn't mean we expect them to okay like
Let them pay if it gets weird and they're and they're initiating. Oh, we're gonna sell the house
Initiating. Oh, we're gonna separate check
Don't just that's your first date. You see? Okay, they're not willing to split the bill. That's fine
Go in with it with the idea that okay, I may have to pay but I'm gonna allow the man to lead and pay
Does that make sense
Ready get it good. Okay. Yeah, so
Stephanie
Let him take the lead on that. Okay, if he brings it up just be like look if you know
Let him decide
Let him be the one to decide
Those are things to keep an eye out on him about you know, if does he have a scarcity poverty mindset?
Is he working towards something and again, this is a first date. You're not gonna know his finances. You shouldn't
It's level two
Actually, it's level one right now level two will be tomorrow when you go on a date
So you're not gonna know why he is the way that he is right now
You don't know why he is cheap and frugal, right? I
Know why I am it's because I you know, my parents we didn't come from money like we struggled
And so I know that sometimes that's where I get fearful because I remember what it was like being a kid that didn't have a
Lot of money that felt like I was always without that. You know, we were never keeping up with the Joneses, you know
And so that's kind of where my stuff comes from. So then I get really nervous that when you know
We got this debt and I'm like, okay like I we can't spend we can't do anything. My husband's like we
We're allowed to go out and enjoy a meal with our kids
Okay, Sandy so it's not that that the frugal part it's the telling a stranger before the date that you're gonna be cheap
Yes that I can understand. That's a little bit of a turn-off. All right, so I'm sure Stephanie you're probably like
No one wants to be told like I'm cheap
I'm not gonna spend any money on you. Not that it's out men needing to spend money on you, but I
Totally get that. Um
Keep in mind the whole sex because that if sex got brought up just keep that in mind
Try not to allow that to
Get brought up again. I think she jumped off or no. She's she's still here with me. Okay, um
Who's next I keep seeing I keep seeing like a bunch of hands and then they all of a sudden go to the bathroom
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know
Keep seeing like a bunch of hands and then they all of a sudden go down and then there was somebody else that was asking
about yellow flags and red flags, so
Do you can you be more specific on like what do you mean like what's a red flag and what's a yellow flag for some
Reason, I cannot scroll up
That's me chat. Okay
Hi, I just I just this is my first session in this phase and I joined late. So I'm I apologize
I'm glad to have you. Thank you. I'm just I'm just curious on the difference between
Labeling what is not a red flag as not a red flag because I mean, I'm also overtly cautious
Okay, and so like it's just good to know like what is something that you know
We can be open to and just more broadly
So that's gonna be so what would you think is a red flag?
Would you be cautious about
I think in the same example that you talked about about poverty mindset. I
think someone
Making you pay for your meal
in this context, maybe if you've not like if you're not talked that through or
Somebody having unresolved history with their ex
Okay, and coming into a relationship with baguette so if they say that oh like I don't trust anyone
things like that.
Like I mean, when I, I mean, I haven't dated for a while,
but when I was on the sites, I would tell them,
hey, I don't have too much experience with dating.
So sometimes if I ask a question,
like don't judge me for like where I'm asking that question
because I just don't know, I'm just asking.
And I think sometimes people like assume things about you
without giving you the space to provide an explanation.
Like for me, that's a red flag
because if you jump to a conclusion
and you make assumptions about people,
then like that's a behavior thing.
It's not like it could keep resurfacing,
but yeah, like I don't, honestly,
I don't know the difference
between yellow flag and red flag.
What's going to be important for you
is that when things come up and that you feel like,
okay, this is, I don't like this and I'm going to take off,
you're going to want to express that to us in the community
and we're going to be able to kind of help you navigate that.
So the couple of things that you brought up,
like if you're on a first date
and a guy makes you pay for your meal,
that would be more of a yellow flag.
I get it's a turnoff, ladies.
I totally do, okay?
But again, are they maybe just being cautious themselves?
There's a lot of reasons why guys
tend to allow women to pay for themselves.
There's a couple of reasons, okay?
These are some of the ones that come off the top of my head.
One, yeah, because the guy is weird about that
and wants women to pay for themselves, okay?
So he might, that might be his attitude
and at that point you're going to discover,
you're going to discover that in other areas
that will surface.
It's not just going to be him making you pay for your meal.
You'll see that type of belief come up in other areas, okay?
So if it's really truly that,
you're going to see it on how he treats women,
how he talks about women, you'll see that, okay?
But again, I wouldn't say a first date
if someone's making you pay that that's a red flag.
I mean, when I see hesitation from people,
I just offer to split, right?
Like I don't wait because I'm like either you know it
or you're hesitating.
I would even encourage you to let the man pick it up.
Don't even ask.
If you see them hesitate, just let them sit with it.
Let them sit with it.
Because, and here's the thing,
and if it goes on for like five or 10 minutes,
then you can maybe, you know, set your card out
or something like here, I can cover half, whatever.
If there is a stalling,
but let it sit there for five or 10 minutes.
It's totally fine.
Another reason that guys do that is because y'all,
we live in a very toxic feminine society, all right?
There is an attack on the masculine in our society.
And so we've made it very difficult at times
for men to step into their masculinity
because we need to be empowered.
And I'm not saying that there was not a reason,
like a place for women to have equal rights
and all those things.
There was a purpose for that, 100%, okay?
God doesn't want his daughters being treated poorly, 100%.
Okay?
But what we've had happen is that, you know,
you have this feminist-like mindset,
but the toxic feminine mindset crushes the masculine.
And that's not the way it should look.
It should be, we need men as much as men need women.
That's why God created a woman, right?
He's looking at Adam like,
something's not right, he needs a companion,
but I'm gonna pull part of myself out of him
and create women so that they can be one.
We need each other.
That's why marriage is God's divine plan, right?
So unfortunately, we live on the earth,
it's, you know, we live in sin, all right?
And we've crushed the masculinity.
So sometimes men are like, I don't know,
I don't want her to bite my head off if I offer her to paper.
Maybe she's such an independent woman.
We don't know that.
So again, those are things that are a yellow flag.
Now, if you recognize he's constantly like,
not wanting to provide, you know,
pay for a meal every now and then,
like that would be, you know,
okay, the man doesn't have his finances in order, okay?
At that point, he shouldn't really be dating.
There's a lot of men out there
that have gotten burned by women
taking advantage of the fact that they've been married.
pay. I've seen that where women will go and order the most expensive thing on the meal
and expect this and like rack up the bill and just be very self-centered and like the men are like
tired. You know like think about it ladies if you're if you know if we're dating and we're
let's say we're you know we're trying to get out on dates and we're trying to go on at least like
one date a week and you're going I mean nowadays like me and my husband can't even get out of a
restaurant for like under a hundred dollars a lot of times. You think about an appetizer a meal
you know grabbing an iced tea even iced teas are like five bucks you know and so you think
about that that man is throwing down four hundred dollars a month. It gets expensive
okay that's why I like Jackie even coaches don't go to the expensive restaurants for a first date
so you don't feel obligated all right doesn't mean that it is a hard rule. My husband broke that
rule our first date was a really nice restaurant and I was not aware of it and I went into it. I
mean I obviously dressed really nice but I was like oh wow this is a lot more expensive than
I thought you know but it really it really is there to kind of help cushion you a little bit
okay just hope hopefully that helps so again I know like we could we could go on and on and on
and talk about yellow flags and red flags. Red flags are going to be like they're crossing sexual
boundaries they are saying inappropriate things especially sexual in nature if they're just
downright rude and nasty and criticizing and mean that's a red flag that's a blessing block
peace out dude like you don't even have to give them the explanation you don't need it and here's
the thing you don't even tell them what they did wrong just block them bless them in your head
bless them to God okay God I need you to bless this man hopefully he doesn't know what he's doing
Lord you're going to need to move in this man's life but I'm not going to be the one to preach to
him and you block them okay but anything that you find questionable ladies bring it to our community
let us know because sometimes what you'll notice is certain things will set you and trigger you
and that's just an area of healing that you're gonna that God wants to work in you okay
all right Lori how are you good to see you
hi you guys are really cute I love those oh thank you they're readers
they're cute girl got my first readers ever well you look good in them oh thank you thank you I can
see you because I have my contact in but anyway oh I had a I had a I've had a really challenging
week okay I would say a doozy of a date so I've been working with Ebony on them like
so this is a guy that I thought was going to be like my new type like a possible new type but he
was um he was still very groomed but had a beard and he looked you know like he could uh he just
looked like uh real outdoorsy and really big-hearted like his smile and his countenance were just
so felt full-hearted like just I was just like oh my gosh like this is he just seems like really
emotionally whole okay so anyway he reached out to me so I was super excited and just thought oh
my gosh he's so handsome and rugged and very different from like a executive type that I've
always dated and so anyway that's the preface we're done so I'll get to this I'll get to the
okay so it's like so what happened then so he okay so he he reached out we messaged back and
forth and that you know was kind of like a a day in between so it's just you know good pace yeah
and then we got off of the app eHarmony and he was just asking me high level you know like what's
your favorite Saturday morning cartoon when you were a kid you know just fun just back and forth
real light-hearted and but it was just it was really fun and then um and then we ended up he
asked me out uh for the following week which was like four days out and uh would you like to meet
up um on Wednesday evening are you free so yes
And then maybe we had one other short texting bit, but he fell off.
And I thought, so he didn't give me a plan, and he did have to have his car, like, fixed,
and so he was going to, like, firm up on the date, but at any rate, he, so he came back.
So he fell off for, like, a day and a half, so it was, like, so much.
And then he fell off, and I thought, okay, well, I can lean in with this anxious attachment.
Okay, good, good.
So, because for me, it's like there was nothing at all that could have been wrong with the
texting.
It was all high level.
Yeah.
Anyway, he came back, and he said, are you still free on Wednesday evening?
So it's like, I think he must have known.
He also is widowed, and that's been five years.
I think, if anything, like, I'm processing so I can grow.
Yeah.
So, so then we got together, so then he kind of, like, there wasn't a lot of texting in
between Sunday and last Wednesday.
And then it got to be, like, nine o'clock at night on Tuesday, and he hadn't messaged
me with a plan.
He had firmed up, making sure, you know, just double checking that I was free on Wednesday.
And so, at nine o'clock, I said, hey, just curious, what's the plan?
And I didn't say it in that way, I said a few other things, and I said, I'm curious,
what's the plan for tomorrow evening?
I'm excited to be, so anyway, he texted back right away.
I'm so glad you reached out, da-da-da, and he said, you know, we came up with a plan.
It was really easy, straightforward.
He came over, he drove over, like, 45 minutes to see me.
We went out to, we did go out to a really nice restaurant, had an appetizer and a drink,
and he's very intentional about asking questions.
Good.
High-level questions, compatibility questions, but I will say, like, in the questioning,
it felt, and yeah, I mean, he is information gathering, but there was no point where it
turned into conversation.
It was just kind of this back and forth, which, and at one point, I said, gosh, lots of questions,
and he says, well, what do you expect me to do, a song and dance?
He was kind of defensive.
At one point, he mentioned that he had, like, he asked me, you know, about where I, you
know, what area I live in, and I asked him the same, what quadrant of Grand Rapids do
you live in?
And he said, well, most women understand where Lululemon is, and it was just this, really,
and also, like, I can check in my heart and be like, most women?
It sounds like you're, like, out there all the time, but, you know, it could mean anything.
So then he made another comment about how, well, I'm in a very, and we weren't talking
about anything around money, but he says, well, I'm in a very interesting position.
He's like, I can really retire any time I want to, and he's my age, he's 56, and I said,
oh, that's great, what are your dreams, you know?
Yeah, good.
Like, whatever, but I know with the Lulu comment, I said, oh, this is, like, my true honest
feeling, like, oh, I don't really love Lululemon, so I didn't go over it, like, I'm just, it's
not a brand that I, I'm not on that bandwagon, I'm sure they make great stuff, but, and it
was also, it was also a bit provoking for me, so, and I know I've been in the space
before, well, first of all, like, right when I met him, I was, like, melted, like, gorgeous,
super, like, everything and better, his eyes were just, are just gorgeous, dresses really
fashionably, kind of sporty, and, yeah, just really well put together.
Yeah.
So, anyway, date was, like, an hour and a half, he walks me, asks if he can walk me
to my car, which, even though I live downtown, I had driven to my date, to downtown, to this
spot, and he just had a little conversation at my car, and then he said, he says, well,
if you'd like to do this again, let me know.
Okay.
So, I thought, oh, I had a really nice time, I'd love to.
Yeah, perfect.
And so, yeah, so it was great.
Then what happened?
Then he reached out, and it was just so weird, I can't really figure it out.
Like then he, then he reached out, like, he fell off, well, I, I reached out maybe three
hours after the date, and, because I really.
So I hadn't thanked him.
I think I was so nervous.
I said, hey, thanks so much, because he paid,
and it was expensive.
And did he suggest the restaurant?
He offered it to me.
OK, that's what I'm saying.
I'm just curious, because again, like that Lululemon comment
too, and the fact that, you know, I don't know.
Like, I'm just I'm trying to gather some information here.
So did he say that he's not interested in going back out,
or did he just completely throw it all out?
So we went back and forth.
And I mean, he offered something up,
and then I offered up a couple of other options.
I didn't really like the place he offered up,
which was a brewery.
So maybe I should have gone for that.
But I offered up one other that was, I would say, equivalent.
And honestly, you don't have to spend a ton of money
at the restaurant, the one we went to.
The fact that he, you know, he wanted like, yeah, anyway.
I don't think that was it.
OK, so then he offered a brewery for the second date?
No, so at any rate, so he asked, you know, he put out there,
so what you doing tonight, or what are you doing this week?
And I realized that I was like, I made myself sound busy,
because I was too afraid to be available.
So then I looped back around, because I said,
well, I may be going up north this weekend on a getaway.
And so I looped back around, realizing
I made myself sound busy.
And I said, hey, I've firmed up my plans for up north.
I've got an Airbnb starting Tuesday.
So I just thought I'd loop back around and let you know
that I have some availability this weekend.
And I even said, would you like to meet for brunch on Sunday?
And he said, I love your idea.
He said, I said, I would love to meet up again.
One idea would be brunch.
And he said, I like your idea, maybe,
because my daughter's scheduled for flying.
She's getting a license.
And so he was going up for a session.
And so he says, maybe, I like your idea.
He's like, but it's weather pending.
This was already pushed off.
And so then he was like, I'll let you know.
Never messaged back.
OK.
Sunday brunch came and went.
And we didn't have a place or a time.
But it was just after church for brunch.
Well, again, I think it might just be one of those things.
It's still just kind of, it's on the back burner, right?
For me, though, there was a familiar spirit to it.
And maybe I'm wrong.
And I thought, after I sent the text, I thought, oh, my gosh.
I hope he doesn't think I was, like,
hinting at him joining me at an Airbnb,
because nothing, nothing was ever
sexual about our conversations, nor would
I think you'd mean that.
But yeah, so he just, it came and went.
And he would just, I mean, there was definitely
an air about him.
I was going to say, I'm a little, like, again, to me,
again, so we're talking about yellow, red flags.
The yellow flag would be the comment that he made about,
well, most women will know where Lululemon is.
Like, that sounds, to me, that sounds a little pretentious.
But OK, like.
He felt pretentious.
He felt a bit pretentious.
That's what I'm saying.
And then also that comment about.
Like, OK, a little bit of yellow flag.
Here's, OK, just moving forward, OK,
we don't have to dissect the why all of a sudden,
and it just stopped.
This is when the God-defended part comes in.
Yeah.
I had a really beautiful encounter
with the Lord and a memory.
I just laid down on my sofa and soaked
and had a really beautiful encounter
with the Lord and a memory in my childhood
where I felt abandoned by my dad.
And so that was one that I was really contending for.
And so that was really beautiful.
He's also, like, showing me what his perfection looks like.
Not like perfectionism, but what his,
what perfection is actually meant to be from heaven.
Yes, that's what I'm saying.
Like, so I mean, this is like this man might have just come
into your life just to give you another deeper level of healing.
And again, you're God-defended.
You're seeing what you're like.
You're open to being attracted to someone that looks.
It's a little different.
And you like certain qualities about him.
And so, recognize, oh, I really like someone
that's intentional with their questions.
I mean, the other thing I thought,
even just being able to share the kinds of questions
that he asked, like, what's your favorite
Saturday morning cartoon as a kid?
Like, ladies, pick that up.
Pick up that question.
That's a fun question to ask.
So when you're out there dating, I mean, if anything,
again, it's putting things into practice.
You're learning new things about yourself.
You're learning new things that you like and you don't like.
Yeah, but I think what I'm not sharing,
haven't shared here is I was a cat on a hot tin roof.
Like, it was like,
and it could mean that I need healing very well.
Could also mean that there's comments
because I was married to somebody
who had narcissistic behavior.
Could also mean that there were like these kind of hooks.
Yeah, it's just such a, like, from the countenance,
the countenance that I experienced to this idea,
like, his countenance on his profile didn't match
the feeling of being with him in person.
And, you know, it just kind of always was like,
almost like this air about him, like, kind of like,
if you want to go out with me again, just say,
hey, I'd love to do this again.
How about we, let me look at my calendar
and I'll get back to you and like the follow-up.
And so just like even not coming through
with a plan on Wednesday,
I just always felt like there were these hooks.
Like you'd say, hey, what you doing?
But it would like hang in the air
and it could be my attachment.
Well, and then also too, like the thing that came up-
So I tested it, you know, with asking him out for brunch.
When you ladies are setting up dates,
cause I know this happens sometimes,
I see this happen frequent, not frequently,
but enough times to bring this up,
where there's talk of, yeah, let's meet up,
let's meet up on Tuesday and it's Wednesday.
So you're going like six days and you're like,
okay, I have plans to meet on Tuesday.
It's coming with like,
don't be afraid to solidify plans in the beginning
and when you're first talking about meeting up.
Yeah.
So that there isn't this, well, he didn't reach out.
I'm not sure.
Oh, it kind of fell off.
Like, it's okay to kind of set some plans into place.
Yeah.
And then it's okay to reach out,
hey, are we still good for such and such date and time?
I'm looking forward to it.
And then wait for their response.
So I would say in the future,
when you ladies are planning dates
or planning a first in-person date,
don't hesitate to know the plan ahead of time
so that you're not feeling like,
you're like, okay, am I supposed to reach out to him?
Am I not?
He hasn't initiated anything, he has,
and it will save you anxious attachers,
which I was an anxious attacher.
So it will give you so much freedom
just to kind of know what to expect
and be able to enjoy the rest of your week.
I don't think there was anything wrong with you saying,
hey, let's get together for brunch if you're free.
And he said, maybe.
And my guess is that maybe turned into a no.
And would it have been nice for him to communicate clearly?
Absolutely.
But again, we can't have expectations
for people to behave and to react
the way that we want them to.
If anything, it just shows us, okay, this person,
I like someone that's gonna be a little more clear
and communicate a little better with me.
And this guy just doesn't seem to have it.
I don't need to dissect why he is or isn't
a good communicator.
I just need to be like, it's okay,
because I'm God defended.
I want someone who's gonna communicate well,
and I know God's got somebody that can communicate well.
Or someone that might not communicate well,
but is willing to grow and learn how to communicate well.
Yeah.
So the confusion that I'm experiencing.
Is normal.
Okay.
It's normal.
Okay.
But my mind is really triggered on,
oh my gosh, it's a narcissist again.
Or maybe avoidant personality.
I would, yeah, that's what I would be pressing
into the Lord with.
Is the, what am I believing?
And what are my fears?
And what is that being rooted in?
And God, what is your tool?
Okay. Cause here's the thing. We cannot label people a narcissist. Yeah. We haven't met
like when we only have gone on one date with them. Yeah. That's not ladies. It's not fair
to go label men based on your past experiences. Maybe he is. I don't know. But what if he
isn't our words of power? Yeah. I'm going to speak that over somebody if they really
aren't. Yeah. I mean, I think, I think the healthy thing was, is that I was able to separate
from the person and the spirit. And so I didn't feel like, I felt like I was really good at
keeping my heart in the spot of love towards him. Yeah. So, but spend some time, celebrate
the wins. Celebrate the positive things that happened through this encounter. Okay. And
this is a great lesson for all the ladies on the call and those that are listening and
replay like these, these are, this is discovery dating. This is why we do this is because
we're trying to learn and grow and we're, we're figuring out what we like, what we don't
like. We're allowing God to come in and heal us in certain areas where, you know, again,
it's any, I just strongly encourage you ladies that any of these dating experiences you have,
whether they're good, bad, ugly, indifferent, whatever, be pressing into the Lord about
it. Yeah. You know, what does God want to show you? How does he want to bless you in
these experiences? Yeah. And then you hold on to that. Yeah. But then again, like I want
you to press in a little bit like, okay, Lord, what am I, what am I needing healing from?
Where is this? Where's this fear? What lie am I believing? I want to know your truth.
You know, help me see this and spend some time in the Lord. Yeah. Afraid of losing myself,
but I am really proud of, and then I'll, I've taken a lot of time, but I'm really proud of
myself. The Holy Spirit prompted me to rewrite my story before going out on my first date and
it was such a transformative experience. So this wasn't like I took hours. I was listening to a
book and it was basically listing 10 things that I love about my life and that I'm thankful and
kind of like highlight highlights. If I were, and because my mind with trauma has had a tendency
to focus on the low lights. And so I went and I just thought if I could list 10 highlights,
what would they be? And my mind just swelled up with so much joy and gratitude. And I told a
different story and what was so crazy was it feels new, but I didn't tell my story. I just saying,
I, I just showed up a different way. And so it was the crazy thing is like, Lord, is this true?
And he's like, this is just as true as like, or more true than the story you've been telling
for so long. Like this is all felt equally authentic equally. It felt beautiful. I felt so
free and light and happy and good. Yeah. So that, that was all right.
Yep. Well, we definitely were like 15 minutes over. So I apologize, Sandy and Candy,
we are not going to have time, but Candy, I do see your thing in the chat. So I'm going to read
that off and I will see if I can do a quick response. Sandy, if you can post your question
in a thing, she just jumped off. Darn it. Hopefully she'll post in the app. Oh no,
you are here. Okay. I see you now. I don't, it's nothing like super crucial. I think I'll just
wait or I'll post it in the, I can post it in the group. Okay, perfect. All right. I can't seem to
scroll on my chat. I don't want to lose this. Candy's like her question. She had a, my first
video chat with a guy, they're in different states. He was very transparent of his background,
regardless is true or not. Okay. So he's transparent again. You still don't know him.
So you don't know how true is what he's sharing or not. I can understand that. Okay. We talked,
he told me he has no friends. Okay. That's interesting. And he is an introvert. All right.
Nothing wrong with that. But when he talks to me, he is very friendly. Okay. Well, introverts can
still be friendly. I know Jackie said, we need a community in the same time. Don't show up
your gift of coaching and counseling gifts. Yep. Is it appropriate to ask him? Do you ever feel
bored? This kind of area is kind of worries me because my ex-husband would not talk the entire
time during the meal with new friends. Okay. So we definitely like Candy, are you able, I can't,
I can't unpack this with you right now. Cause we're definitely out of time. Are you able to
jump on a call with Ebony tonight? Yeah. Okay. Sure. No problem. Okay. And I will, I will reach
and ask her to take your question first
to help you unpack that.
I don't think it's a problem,
like, you know, maybe reword the question.
Like, I mean, I would ask him,
so you don't have friends,
like, what kinds of things do you do for fun?
You know, and again, that might be something
that you might need to ask yourself,
is that, is this somebody that,
I mean, again, you can get to know them.
There's nothing wrong with going on
two or three dates with somebody,
because again, we're not dating for a husband right now.
Okay, we're just dating to discover.
We're getting to know people.
We're getting to know what we like, what we don't like.
And yeah, this could be something that you ask yourself.
Do you want to move forward with somebody
that might not be able to be, like, social?
Ladies, I'm a social person.
Okay, I'm one of those, I'm an introvert.
Like, I need to, like, be by myself to recharge,
but I still like people, okay?
I think they called it an ambivert,
so I don't know if I'm butchering that name or not.
But I like my space.
I love my alone time.
It's how I recharge.
I don't want to be around a lot of people, okay,
when I need to be recharged, okay,
because I'm an empath,
so my energy can easily get depleted.
So in order for me to recharge,
I can't be around a bunch of energy, all right?
But I love people.
I love being social.
I love talking to people.
I like getting to know people.
And so I, like, my husband, I'm like,
look, I need to be around people.
I need my husband to want to be around people at times, too.
Like, he just knows that about me.
He is, he's probably introverted as well,
but he's in sales,
so he talks to people all day long.
So he's cool just kind of chilling by himself, too,
but when we go out,
I'm definitely more of the talker than he is.
It takes him a little bit of time to warm up to people.
But then when we, like, we have friends that we go out with,
but it takes him some time to get to know them
a little better and to really warm up to them.
But I'm typically the one that kind of pulls him out
to go be social.
So you're gonna have, like, again,
I knew I needed someone that was like,
you don't have to be, like, social on my level,
but you're gonna need to have to hang with me at times.
All right, I'm not gonna go be by myself all the time.
So these are things, again, like,
take the experience of getting to know this guy,
get to know him as a person.
Don't get to know him as a, is this a spirit mate or not?
I just wanna know him as a person, okay?
But I gotta jump off, ladies.
It's been a great blessing.
Candy, definitely jump on tonight.
I will reach out to Ebony to ask her
to take one of your questions first.
Okay, thank you.
But ladies, again, thank you so much.
It's always so good to spend time with you.
And yes, Sandy, I wanna hear all about all of the stuff.
So if you can post, I wanna hear about it.
And yes, you're welcome, ladies.
Have a blessed rest of your week,
and I will see you all next week.