Hello, friends, and welcome to June's installment of, June, July's installment of Love Story.
You guys, that is how fast this year has gone by, it's crazy, right?
I'm so excited, let's go ahead and do a little bit of housekeeping.
I'm excited for all of us that want to be part of this halftime shift, and we're going
to be doing that session on the 17th of this month, and so if you want to be part of that
halftime shift, we're going to go ahead and launch into that on the 17th, so that's a
Thursday.
Very excited about what we're going to make plans to do, and so just to kind of give you
a little bit of an idea, we're going to show you how to make a plan to succeed at something,
whatever it is that God's been putting on your heart that you can succeed at, right?
Don't tell me that you want to finish your master's degree, that you haven't even gone
to college one day in your life by the end of the year, okay?
Let's be a little realistic.
We want the super on our natural, but our natural has to, you know, be within the boundaries
of that happening, and whatever that thing is, whether it's you want to move, you want
to get a new job, a better job, you want to, obviously, all of you want to get married,
and if that's the case, you can make that as your plan, obviously, all of you want that,
but make sure that that's the Jenga piece that God is highlighting, because remember,
God can make happen for you in a moment what you could never make happen for yourself in
six months, six years, 60 years, 600 years, and so you have to make sure that that's the
right thing in your life.
Obviously, all of you are here to work on yourself and your life and get into alignment.
You know, we call it preparing, positioning, and partnering with God in your love life,
and that's really important, but there may be something that is actually a prerequisite
to you meeting the person.
Possibly that job that you're in has been what's been keeping you out of your love story.
How could that be?
Well, let's think of a couple reasons.
If you work a lot of hours, if you have absolutely no emotional or social bandwidth after you're
done with your job, you don't have any free time, your job's far away, you spend so much
time commuting, not that you couldn't meet someone, but think about it.
Even if you did meet someone, where would you fit them in?
Where would you fit in building a new relationship if you have a job that's literally a 24-7?
And you're unhappy as well, so just your demeanor, your attitude in life could be really truly
being affected by that.
Also, maybe you're going to meet your person as a result of a new job.
Maybe you just don't like your job.
None of those things are true.
You're not overworked, you don't overcommute, but possibly some sort of relocation.
Remember that word is still valid that God gave to me for you and all the single nation,
and that is relocation, relocation, relocation.
Some is geography relocation, some is church community relocation, some is job relocation,
and so possibly that's a word that you felt in your heart, but you haven't been obedient
to.
A lot of times we don't move on what God tells us to do because we just are tired.
We think it's going to be really hard, and can I tell you something?
It is going to be hard if you wait until there's no grace on it to do it, but when there's
grace on something to do it, it doesn't matter how hard it seems.
When there's grace on it, there's like heavens backing you up, right?
There's wind in your sails.
For some of you, you have had a word from the Lord for a while, and you just have not
executed, and I think that's most of us.
Most of us have had a word.
A lot of you, a lot of you, a lot of you have had a word about your health, and it's time
to turn that ship around, you guys.
That's what the Lord spoke to me about my health.
He said, Jackie, it's time to turn that ship around, this ship, this ship around.
I just turned 50 years old, and I've let some things get really out of hand.
I got my blood test results back.
I went to the doctor, the functional doctor, hormone doctor, doctor, to look at them, and
you guys, I'm on the wrong road in lots of areas, okay?
I have prediabetes.
I feel led to do this.
We were going to do love seats, and we're going to do love seats, but because only one
person volunteered, I'm just going to go ahead and go after this for a second.
I have prediabetes.
I'm 48 pounds overweight.
A lot of you haven't ever seen me in person, so you just see my head, and my head is cute.
It's true.
She's cute, okay?
But the rest of her, she's tall.
She's tall, so she can carry it well,
but the rest of her is suffering, okay?
Suffering.
Because of what?
Because of COVID.
A lot of people lost weight in COVID.
A lot of people gained a lot of weight in COVID.
Because of isolation.
At the same time, my mom passed away.
My mom passed away, and then three weeks later, COVID hit.
So she passed away.
I was grieving.
COVID hit.
And then also on top of that, menopause.
Perimenopause and menopause, okay?
And gentlemen, you guys have menopause as well.
You do.
We don't call it menopause,
but we should because the word men is in there.
Maybe that should be your word and not our word.
But I will tell you one thing, ladies.
When you hit menopause, your give a damn's gonna be busted.
You're gonna have some attitude issues
that you didn't have before,
and you might need to put the men on pause
until you get yourself right again.
Because you're not gonna put up with much.
You're not gonna put up with much for very long,
that's for sure, okay?
And so not that that's a bad thing,
but also it's not really a great thing
for a new relationship.
Because everyone has stuff they're working on.
But guys have it too.
They have really low testosterone.
Can I tell you, I don't think that David would care,
but David also got his blood test done.
David also went to the doctor yesterday,
and he got a pellet in his butt.
Got a little pellet of testosterone.
They make a little slit, and they stick it in your booty.
It actually is kind of your upper hip.
So it's your upper buttock.
And they stick it in there,
and then apparently it releases testosterone
over the course of the next four months.
My husband always goes the most extreme measures.
I mean, I'm like, okay, all right, give me a lozenge.
Give me some cream.
I'll just like dip my little toe in the pool,
and he's like, let's go.
He's like, what else do you have for me?
Got some GLP-1s, what do you got?
I'll take it all, anything you have.
There are two different types of personalities
when it comes to health stuff.
There are me, and there's him.
Which one are you?
Are you a Jackie or a David?
I wanna see you in the chat.
I research everything.
I research my research.
And he's just like, you put it in his hand,
he'll pop it in his mouth.
No questions asked.
Which one are you?
I just think this is fun.
Are you a Jackie or a David?
So many of you guys are Davids.
And then of course there's Jackies in the house.
But you guys, I just wanna let you know
for all of you that are Jackies,
that the Lord just let me know,
hey, I need you to move faster on this.
I need you just to trust me.
I need you to trust me.
I've obviously researched these doctors,
but if you go to a doctor because you research them,
you also gotta do what they tell you to do.
Not all doctors are great, that's true.
And don't go to those doctors.
Make sure that you research your doctors.
And I go to a functional doctor
that believes in the things I believe in
and that are up on all the cutting edge things
that they need to know about.
But when you actually hire someone to help you,
listen to them.
Whether it's me as your dating coach,
whether it's a trainer in the gym,
whether it's your doctor,
because if you don't trust them,
then you should be going to someone that you trust, right?
Okay, so my insulin's high.
It's not as high.
David is insulin resistant.
I'm not, I'm not yet.
Yet, you guys, gotta turn the ship around.
All right, I'm like two points over,
three points over where I should be with my blood sugar,
so I'm considered pre-diabetic.
What else?
All kinds of my numbers.
My thyroid numbers are wonky.
They're not like terrible, but they're headed that way.
I don't have any thyroid symptoms
besides the weight gain.
I don't have the cold feet and the missing eyebrows
and the hair loss and all that stuff,
but it's headed the wrong direction.
And so many of you, that was your word from the Lord.
God gave me this word at least a year ago
that it's time to really focus on my health.
It doesn't matter if we get you a love story
if you're not alive to live it out.
And there are some things that are even worse
than death, friends,
and that's being incapacitated on Earth.
Being able to have to watch,
you know, not being able to participate,
but just watching from a distance
while other people do things that you've always wanted to do
because you don't have the energy,
you don't have the mobility.
Every one of you in this group, without any exceptions,
every one of you are at the age
where you should be strength training.
You should be lifting weights, okay?
I'm two days into lifting weights.
Now, granted, I did start before, but then I stopped.
And maybe that's what your six month, your halftime.
your halftime show looks like,
maybe your halftime show,
your halftime shift looks like you getting back
in the saddle and riding that baby.
You have to stay consistent.
You have to get up and you gotta keep going.
Yeah, it's hard.
Anything worth having is not easy.
But once again, there will be grace for you if you do it.
So, so many of you,
God has been talking to you about your health.
He's been talking to you about your health.
He has.
For others of you,
he's been talking to you about your wealth.
He's been talking to you about that big debt,
that big, you don't have a nest egg,
you have a debt egg.
You have a big debt egg.
It's like a snowball rolling down the hill
and getting bigger and bigger and bigger
and bigger and bigger and bigger.
And I know you don't wanna face it.
None of us wanna face this stuff.
I don't wanna face the extra 48.
Now listen, if I lost 48 pounds,
I'm tall.
I think I would be a twig.
Okay, because that means that I would weigh
like 150 pounds and I'm 5'10".
I probably haven't weighed 150 pounds since I was like 12.
So, don't think it's a great idea to weigh 150 pounds.
To give you kind of an idea,
when I'm a size 12 now, when I was a size six,
I weighed like 175 pounds.
And at 175 pounds, I'm already a size six.
Okay, so probably not.
Probably not a good idea for me to lose 48 pounds,
but they're just going by the charts.
Guys, I got fat trying to grow around my organs.
I got the visceral fat.
You don't want the visceral fat.
If you have never done one of those little in-body scans
where you hold on to the thing
and you feel the electricity go through your body
and it's like measuring your bone
and your skeletal mass and your fat mass,
you should do that.
A lot of health food stores,
a lot of like nutrition stores, they have those.
And they will actually let you do it for free even
as long as you let them tell you
all the supplements that you need.
You don't have to buy the supplements,
but they're gonna tell you about all the supplements
that you should take after you do that test.
Some people's gyms have them.
Yes, that yucky brown fat is bad.
We don't want the brown fat.
Okay, so enough about me.
Let's talk more about you.
Some of you have a lot of debt.
I'm debt-free.
I don't have any debt.
You might have debt, and I used to have debt.
I never really had a lot of debt
because I've never been a credit card person,
but you might have a lot of debt.
Maybe you lived on credit cards at a hard time in your life
and now you have that debt.
Maybe you still have school loans
from a bazillion years ago that you haven't paid off
and they're not getting forgiven, y'all.
I know we would have loved to have that happen,
but it didn't, and it's probably not going to.
And so you gotta pay them.
It's time to pay the piper,
and God can help you do it quickly
if you will be focused on doing it.
What else?
Some of you may have gone into debt,
had a bankruptcy because of a divorce, right?
That happens.
That happened to David.
David had a bunch of debt.
Guys, how do you think I felt when I married my husband
and he's like, oh, by the way, I have this debt?
And I'm like, okay, but it's not just his debt.
It's him and his former wife's debt.
And do you think that she was paying on it?
Oh, heck no.
She wasn't paying on it.
Every year when I filed my tax returns,
and this is when we were poor little full-time ministers,
that little tax return never got sent back to me
because they took it to pay him and his wife's old debt.
The IRS took it to pay him and his wife's old tax debt.
Do you think I was happy about that?
I want a new couch.
Back then was a full-time minister
just waiting for that tax return to come
so that we can go to the ground round, buy a new couch.
Some of you are like the ground round.
Does anyone remember the ground round?
Okay.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, so because of the community event
and I'm preaching at you guys,
let's just have a little fun right here.
I want you to put in the chat the name of a restaurant
or a store that no longer exists,
but will really tell people a lot about you.
Because it'll tell people where you lived.
I'll start.
I said ground round, I'll say Gold Circle.
Does anyone remember Gold Circle?
If you don't remember Gold Circle,
then you probably didn't live in Cleveland, Ohio.
So go ahead and put something up.
I see Zeller's, I see Woolworth's.
Oh gosh, I remember Woolworth's.
You guys remember when it had the soda fountain,
the counter at Woolworth's?
You could go and get an ice cream, a shake.
I loved Woolworth's when I was a kid.
Zerr's, Howard Johnson's, Kmart, The Sizzler.
Gotta love The Sizzler.
Forest City, yes.
Blockbuster, geez.
Blockbuster was a place to go.
Here you guys go.
Be kind, rewind.
Hollywood video.
Oh yes, Radio Shack, Steak and Ale, Caldor, Caldor,
some of these I've never heard of, the Brown Derby.
I actually worked at the Brown Derby, you guys, I did.
That was my husband.
Babe, I told them all that you got a pellet in your butt.
Sorry.
If he wanted a secret keeper, trust me,
he would not have married me.
Mask Brothers, Montgomery Wards,
or if he wanted anyone with a filter,
he probably wouldn't have married me.
Oh my gosh, Caldor, what the heck is Caldor, you guys?
Is it a restaurant, department store, what is it?
Oh, how about Higbee's, does anyone remember Higbee's?
Anyone remember Lazarus, May Company?
Hannah, Hannah's too young, she doesn't remember anything.
Nothing that she remembers is out of business yet.
We've lived through it, you guys.
So many businesses have come and gone,
Gimbel's, Thrifty's,
B. Dalton Booksellers, I remember a lot of these.
All right, guys, that was fun.
All right, let's go ahead and shift.
So once again, the 17th is gonna be our kickoff.
We're gonna make a plan.
If you can't be there live,
you can follow the framework to make a plan.
And then every month, we're gonna have a check-in.
Ladies, you're gonna have a chat
added to your Facebook group
that is only for the people
that are gonna be part of the halftime shift.
That way you can keep each other accountable
to whatever it is that you're doing.
And gentlemen, you will also have a chat
that is added to your chat in your Facebook group
called Halftime Shift,
and you guys can hold each other accountable.
And then once a month,
we're gonna come together as a group
and we're going to troubleshoot
places where people feel stuck,
places where people are like,
hey, I really wanna do this,
but for whatever reason, it's not moving forward.
I'm trying my best, but it's not happening.
And then we can give some wisdom
and even prophetic processing
to get you moving back forward.
Does that sound good?
Okey-dokey.
I like the idea.
I like it.
Let's do it.
Okay, so Q&A for loveseats.
If you're new to loveseats,
this is your first one.
This is that once a month session
where I do coaching.
I mean, I coach all the time,
but dating coaching, relationship coaching,
love advice, right here in real time.
You can volunteer to jump in the loveseat.
Only one person did,
so we'll get to her in just a second,
but we'll go ahead and take questions,
scenarios, anything you have.
Raise your hand if you wanna jump in the loveseat.
You weren't planned to jump in,
but you wanna jump in.
And remember, we need the shortest amount
of background that you can give us.
All right, I see Denise's hand is up.
I'm going to spotlight her.
All right, Denise, you can unmute yourself.
Hi there, Tammy.
Yes, you're in the loveseat.
What do you got?
I don't know.
What are we doing?
It's kind of like I'm-
Any question you have about your love life,
about dating, I'll answer it.
Oh, okay.
I guess my question right now I'm struggling with
is how do you have the patience just to keep waiting?
So I've been on several dates.
They've all fallen through.
And I feel like I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do,
but now I feel like it's just a waiting game.
So how do you keep your joy in the waiting?
I don't want you waiting.
So we don't wait around here, okay?
All we do around here, what we do is we prepare.
So you can continue to prepare, continue to...
By the way, friends, here's another announcement.
You're gonna have access to heartwork sessions.
So for those of you that heartwork was a million years ago,
there is a live heartwork session every single week.
It's for the people that are in phase one,
but you can listen in on those sessions.
You can participate in those sessions
if you still have some preparation,
if there's something coming up
and you wanna be part of one of those live sessions.
We're gonna add those to your calendar.
They are during the day and at night on Mondays.
You can jump into one of those if you want to.
And remember, the people there are not dating.
So you really wanna keep it heartwork focused
and not man focused or woman focused or dating focused
because the people that that session is for
are heartwork people.
So let's focus it on healing the heart.
So anyway, you wanna be preparing.
You wanna be positioning.
It's possible that you're not positioned.
You need to pray and say,
hey God, how can I position myself?
Because God's not holding out on you.
Exactly, well, how can, well, yes and no.
Friends, God's not coming to save you.
I just really want to make sure that you know that.
Jesus already did that on the cross.
No one is coming to save you.
We have to drive the car.
We have to put it in drive.
We have to make plans and execute plans
and let God order our steps when we're already out there.
I know a lot of people don't do that
because they're worried about misstepping
or making a mistake.
It's a guarantee that you're gonna misstep
and make a mistake, but that's what God can use.
He can use the missteps and mistakes,
showing you broken parts of your heart
from the missteps and mistakes,
showing you different directions to go,
rerouting you when you're moving.
And so it's important that we do that.
So let's not sit around and think
that God is going to give us the blueprints,
sit around and feel like God's going to bring the person
right to our doorstep.
It does happen every once in a blue moon,
but it's not the norm.
And also we want to prepare, position,
and we want to partner with God.
So it's really important that we're partnering.
What does positioning mean?
Does that just mean get yourself out there?
It means get yourself out there.
No, not just going to concerts.
I mean, where do you live at?
And why do you live there?
Los Angeles, because of the weather.
All right.
So you live in a place that is you have,
one of the obstacles that you have to overcome
is there's not a lot of believers there.
There's not a lot of men in your age bracket there
that are believers.
And so you're already running into,
you know, all you need is one, it's true.
But so you're already running into a smaller dating pool
and you're saying you live there for the weather,
but is it a non-negotiable for you to live there?
Oh, no, I'm willing to move if the Lord told me to.
Okay.
Well, start thinking about it.
Start thinking about where you might want to go and visit
and check out.
What else do you want to do?
Friends, I always want to tell all of you something.
If you're at a church where, if you're at a church,
let's just start, let's start with what,
remember relocation, relocation, relocation.
If you're in an area where you don't have an abundance
of friends and community and roots and a business
or a job that you're building that you can't do somewhere
else or elderly parents that you're taking care of
or young children that you're raising
on a shared custody agreement,
but you don't have any of that,
but your life is not thriving.
It's not exploding.
You're not just so excited about where you live
and feel such a burden for it.
You should think about moving.
If you have a church community where nothing's happening,
no one's getting breakthrough.
Everyone's still in debt.
Everyone's still, you know, dealing with all the same crap
that they were dealing with last year and the year before
and the year before.
You're not learning.
You're not growing.
You should think about going to another one.
You should, you think about going out there
and testing things and seeing.
Don't just wait for a dream and an address.
I did get a dream and an address once
and God told me exactly where to go.
But can I tell you that the other thousands of times
that I've done something,
I didn't get a dream and an address.
And so it's important that we are taking action.
The proof of belief is action.
If you are in a job that you don't feel fulfilled in,
you need to start praying during this halftime shift
about what you would like to do
and what you would need to do to prepare for that
in order to shift to that thing.
Friends, life is too short.
This is not a dress rehearsal, all right?
Denise said something that I just happened
to actually make.
I just made an Instagram video about it
right before I jumped on here.
People who are like, why is it taking so long?
Guys, God is not holding out on you
and people are literally getting
into marriage-minded relationships every day.
People are getting married every day.
And so if that's not happening for you,
it might be that you're not in proximity
to the right things.
And perhaps God's using your desire for a love story
to get you somewhere else anyway, right?
Sometimes he sells us what he wants
to give us what we need, right?
And so, Denise, that is the short answer.
Awesome, thank you so much.
Yeah, are you new?
I've been around for a month,
like three or four months at least.
Okay, awesome, well, welcome.
And she lives in LA,
so make sure you're joining your single city LA,
get to know some of the other ladies around there.
There's a handful of men in that group as well.
All right, so Margaret, are you ready to jump in?
You were our volunteer tonight, right?
Okay, all right, go ahead and unmute.
Hannah, you don't know, I wanna answer Hannah's question.
You don't know where to relocate
unless God highlights a place to you,
but you can follow the desires of your heart.
Where have you always wanted to live?
Where does it sound exciting to live?
You can just go visit and see if there's anything to it,
right, you can see if there's any favor there,
you can see if any doors open there.
That's what you can do.
You can see if you, you know, David and I felt.
inkling to move to Austin, Texas, it was kind of out of left field, neither one of us had ever been here,
but we came and visited and we fell in love with Austin and we're like, yeah, we're gonna do it and we did it and
that was seven and a half years ago.
So
someone just said, I don't know why but I want to live in Idaho.
Well, if you want to live somewhere that a lot of other people don't want to live,
then you might want to look into that because that might be from the Lord.
I mean, everybody wanted to live in San Diego because it's beautiful and sunny.
Everyone for at least a little bit of time wanted to live in Nashville, Tennessee because that sounded fun
and now everyone's moved there and the traffic is terrible.
Everyone wanted to live in Austin for a little while because everybody else was moving to Austin,
so why don't I move to Austin? But make sure that you go,
you visit, you check it out, you see how you feel, how does your spirit feel, do you have peace, are you excited?
You know, are opportunities presenting themselves? There's little litmus tests that you can put out there.
Okay, so Margaret is gonna get spotlighted. Let me get her.
You guys, if you're putting up more questions, I'll get to them in a sec.
All right, Margaret, short, brief and powerful backstory and then let's go.
Okay, so I've been in the community for since October of 2023.
Okay, that's a long time, Margaret. Yeah, yeah, and but I had a lot of hard work to do.
So I was gonna say I don't remember you from way back then. So you must have been the heartwork.
Okay, it's been a while so I was wrestling with with a with a was-been situation so
Yeah, and now I'm now I'm in a different position. So anyway, I've been
the struggle that I'm having is I've only been because of that. I've only been walking with the Lord for 25 years and
so and I've only been with two men so I haven't dated
pre
Last year single community and pre Jesus. I had no problems, you know my 20s
I was just like out there with whatever now I'm finding, you know, these apps and everything
There's a lot of scammers, but right now I'm in this
Dating person's life and I'm I'm a little confused. So that's what I'm bringing forward for the question. So
Basically, I can tell he likes me
And I I don't know if I like him like I
I'm fascinated by him and what I and I'm embarrassed to even admit this out loud
but it's it I feel like it's necessary to to get out here and ask these questions, so
Why are you fascinated
He is he's he's like
He doesn't laugh
Like but he smiles and like and he doesn't and and his response he's very self-controlled
He's the first man and I've been on a lot of dates and video dates and in-person dates
But he's the first man
that
Didn't want to come right in for like a hug or something
Like I actually asked I asked him and I asked him is are you you know?
Where are you at when it comes to physical touch type thing? So before my love language is physical touch
So it's like I there and there's a sense of like, I don't know
I just always want to just like touch your hand or like I don't know
There's that kind of thing going on. So you met it. You met a guy. That's your polar opposite
It feels like he's my polar opposite. It feels like and he's he's like
Tigger and I mean, I'm Tigger and he's like your you know, but he's not I mean
He's starting to come out of his shell a little bit
But I just don't know, you know Tigger likes your
I
Just I'm just trying to figure out I'm trying to figure out how long do you stick in with it?
Cuz I didn't throw him out with the bathwater. I kind of gave him a chance. I was gonna throw him out
I gotta be honest. I was like
like
My old my old ways would have done that but with last year single and with the community and with the women
Responding to some of the things that I had written. I realized okay, I'll give him a chance and we went on a video
date and
It it he's starting to come out of his shell a little bit, but I I get nervous around people who are too quiet
So, wait a second, did you see him in person or not?
Yeah, we did we did and then after the date the physical date in person. I was ready to say, okay, I'm done
I'm done like in person like okay, so it so you did one video date and one in person
Oh, you know, we've had four video dates. Okay, and one in-person date. Yeah. Okay. So what do you what?
What do you like about him Margaret? I like that. He's self-controlled. I like that. He's attentive
I like he's handsome
I like that
That he's a believer that he's a strong believer like that. He you know, he loves the Lord that he's a dedicated father
I like that, that, well, that sounds crazy,
but I like the fact that he's been married twice,
just like me, even though he was,
he's in a different situation.
Both his parents and grandparents were married.
They've been married 40 something years,
and then his grandparents were married 60 years
before they passed away.
So his two relationships that he was in, they ended them.
He didn't want them ended.
And so there's a sense of like, I don't know,
it's almost like, and I've been married twice.
So it's like, I don't judge.
But why did they end them?
Do they both end them for the same reason?
I have no idea.
We haven't gotten that far.
Okay.
So it sounds like the things that you like about him
are all pretty green flags.
And so I would say it's a yes until it's no.
And how do you know how long it needs to be a yes
until it's a no?
Like, how do I know that?
There's still things that you are needing
to find out about him to completely know exactly
the answer to your question, how do you know?
Because you're not sure.
Oh.
Okay, so that's how you know.
But I'm gonna tell you,
it sounds like there are things
that you're still curious about and wanna find out about
and wanna see if he kind of blossoms and opens up.
Now, it's a yes until it's a no.
And when it's a no, friends, it's a hard pass.
Like, you know that it's a no.
She doesn't know it's a no,
or she wouldn't be asking this question in the first place.
Right.
She would have just said, hey, see ya,
wouldn't wanna be ya.
True.
You know?
And so, yeah.
So it's still a yes because you have not
closed the chapter on it because you're intrigued still.
I am, yeah.
He's very different.
Different can be good,
as long as we're complimentary opposites, not fully polar.
And I don't think you can know that yet
because four video dates and one in person.
I would really recommend getting in person more.
Yeah, indeed, that's the plan.
That is the plan.
All right.
Thank you.
All right, thank you, Margaret.
So did everyone get what I was saying?
Okay, so someone said something that I wanna say.
I wanna say something.
Someone was like, my community's great.
God gave me a job.
I don't feel released to leave where I am.
And you guys, that's all you need to know right there.
Look, don't try to figure this out yourself.
You don't feel released.
Stay where you are.
This is why coaching in a big group like this,
it can be a little dicey because you'll take advice
that's not meant for you.
So for whoever it's for, it's time to move forward
in and out of where you are.
And some of you, listen, all you need is one.
They were saying, oh, there's not a lot of people here.
Maybe I'm standing in my own way.
How are you standing in your own way
by being obedient to the Lord?
If you don't feel released,
if you feel like you're right where you're supposed to be,
then you just need to trust the Lord.
But I guarantee you this,
and this is homework for all of you,
and I've given you this homework before,
but I'm gonna give it to you again.
Go and Google the population of your county,
not your city, your county.
And if it's more than one person,
then you're doing good because all you need is one.
And you don't know all the people in your county.
You don't know all the people in your city.
You don't know all the people in your state.
Every time that you go someplace,
whether it's walking into a grocery store,
whether it's walking into a restaurant,
whether it's walking into an event that you're visiting at,
there are gonna be people there
that you have never met before.
I want you guys to wrap your head around that.
I didn't meet David at picnic with the pastor,
but he was there and so was I.
You know where else he was that I was?
Applebee's at 10 o'clock every Sunday night after church.
We didn't go to the same churches,
but all kinds of churches were at the only restaurant
that was open after 10 o'clock at night.
And we were there at the same time,
year after year after year after year, you guys, right?
At that picnic with the pastor, they had a jumbotron.
Some of you have heard this story, some of you haven't.
And on that jumbotron, they were showing videos
that they had made, prank videos for the staff members
of this mega church that was holding this
or hosting this picnic with the pastor.
This wasn't my church.
I was a guest.
I was being invited by my friend
who went to church at this church.
And as I was watching the funny prank videos,
I saw one of the guys in the videos that they were pranking.
He was their current youth pastor
and he seemed familiar to me.
And so I asked the person who invited me,
hey, who is that guy?
And I don't remember what they said.
They said, oh, he's our youth pastor, blah, blah, blah.
And his wife was in the prank video as well.
Obviously I could see she was married.
I was married at the time to my first husband.
I was just starting to go through my divorce process.
And I wasn't asking for that reason.
I was asking because there was such a familiarity.
I was like, maybe I worked with him.
Maybe I went to school.
with him or college with him. Maybe he was one of my classes. Like maybe he works somewhere that I
go. Like his face was so familiar, but I just couldn't place him. You guys know what I'm
talking about, right? And even after I drove away, it just really bugged me. I was like,
where do I know that guy from? And then I eventually forgot about it.
And about a year and a half later, I was married to him,
that guy in the video, but I didn't know it. And when we were married, he was going through all of
his memorabilia and he popped in a VCR tape. That's right, y'all. It was a VCR tape. Please
be kind, rewind. And he said, babe, come watch this. It's so funny. I want to show you this
video that they made of me at church, this prank video. And I looked at the video and my jaw hit
the floor because it was him, this guy that I couldn't place because he was in my story,
but he was just in my future story. And so every time you go into any place that you,
even if you frequent it regularly, there are going to be people there that you've never met before.
You're going to cross paths with strangers all day long, every day, friends. And some of those
people may be in your story in one way or another. And so you need to remember that.
As long as you're not living on a desert Island all by yourself and you're the only person there,
then you're going to be crossing paths and rubbing shoulders every single day.
And so start slowing down, start looking people in the eyes, start smiling, men and women, both
start saying hi to people, start being friendlier. Some of you just need the word that you need to
see to be friendlier. You make fun of people that strike up conversations with strangers,
but perhaps your love story is going to happen because you strike up a conversation with a
stranger. And then they introduce you to their uncle or their brother or their next door neighbor
or gentlemen to their daughter, their niece, their neighbor. You don't know. Be kind to strangers,
always be kind, always be kingdom everywhere you go, because you know, you really literally never
know who you're going to meet. You never ever know my future daughter-in-law. Okay. My son's
going to be engaged before too long. My future daughter-in-law, she was driving Uber and she
was driving the CEO of Kendra Scott and she didn't know it. And that woman told her who she was at
the end of the ride, thanked her for being so kind and so friendly and gave her a necklace
from Kendra Scott. My future daughter-in-law was on the street and she ran into Bobby Brown,
the makeup artist. She recognized her. She started a conversation with her. They had a
great time. She ended up running into Kendra Scott on the street too, of Kendra Scott, Kendra Scott
of Kendra Scott. And they had an amazing conversation. She just runs into people all
over the place. You know, I don't know why, because she's very friendly and she's very kind.
And so you never know who you're going to run into and what connection is going to come as a
result of that. All right. So let's go with Susan Bennett. I think she had her hand up next. I'm
going to go ahead and spotlight Susan. So for those of you that were like, maybe I'm missing
out. No, if you feel peace about where you are, then you need to stay where you are. Just because
it hasn't happened yet there doesn't mean it's not going to happen. But be open to getting to
know people long distance, as long as they're willing to relocate to you, if you feel like
you need to stay where you are. Go ahead, Susan. Unmute. Hang on. Am I on? You are on, honey.
I got all sorts of flashing things at me. Oh, goodness gracious. So much to say, but
not sure what direction to go. What's your question? My question.
Okay. Maybe my question is, because I was pondering this, what am I going to say? What
am I going to ask? Because I always get so excited about these spotlight things that I really want to
come on and have some profound thing happen.
Well, what happened to the guy you were talking to? Oh, my gosh. That guy? That guy.
I don't know. All the ladies raise their hand and tell me who else on here was talking to the
same Greg that I was talking to off of ARC. I know there was, I think there was at least three
or four other ladies that were talking to Greg. I mean, I could have told you that.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, after he sent me his burpee video, him doing burpees,
then it just, it just went away. He never. You mean your desire to get to know him went away?
Well, he, it just, the, our texting just ended. Yeah. You know, well, burpees will do that to you.
You know, sometimes, yeah, burpees are fun.
So okay.
So that guy ended and then I went on a blind date, March or no, not March, December 28th.
Anyway, lovely, interesting man, but then he, he ended up telling me that he was emotionally
and mentally not in a good place.
So I'm like, well, then why are you talking to me?
So that fizzled, that ended because basically I said, you know, you're not in a place and
for one, I don't want to do long distance dating and I don't want to live in Northern
Michigan.
Okay.
And thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
So that ended.
Okay.
And, and then I've also noticed, been very heavily aware of my avoided attachment style.
And, um, but I'm very friendly.
Well, of course you're very friendly when there's no intimacy involved and there's no
threat of intimacy and you don't feel like you're going to be controlled by anyone.
You guys were going to do some integrated work, integration work for your attachment
styles for those of you that feel like you're still really struggling with either anxious
or dismissive avoidant or avoidant.
And we really want to help you to integrate.
You can integrate.
It's really fun work.
And so we are going to be offering that you guys know that we have a one-on-one coaching
page that's live on JackieDorman.com.
So if you need a one-on-one coaching session, we have lots of amazing coaches over there
waiting to coach you, to prophetically process you, to help you, to do heart work with you,
to do dating coaching, to help you make decisions, whatever it is that you have need of.
There's not therapists, there's not counselors, but there are coaches and they're all very
talented, gifted coaches that work for us and with us.
And so go check that out.
Men, you have your own page now.
I don't know if you know that or not, but JackieDorman.com backslash men take you right
to your page and there's all kinds of stuff over there.
There's men's only coaching there.
There's all kinds of fun stuff.
Friends, I have made the very hard decision after this affiliate partnership with Arc
to open SpiritMate Match to you guys, to the user instead of to us for events and single
spotlights.
Now, it's going to be kind of difficult because of a few different things, but we are going
to, we're going to do it because I will tell you, here was my process.
My process was, well, I don't want to open it to them because I don't want them to be
disappointed.
I don't want to open it to them unless we have a really good ratio of men versus women
because you guys, we have a curated community on SpiritMate Match.
It's not like, you know, it's not like the hot dog of dating apps.
I feel like dating apps are hot dogs.
They're full of lips and buttholes, okay?
It's just like every piece's part in the world are on these dating apps and like when
I saw the quality of men on Arc, I'm just going to be honest, besides our guys, I was
like, is this community night at the local prison?
What is happening on here?
And so as soon as I saw that, I'm like, Jackie, you have way better men on SpiritMate Match.
You have incredible men on SpiritMate Match.
Yeah, it might not be 50-50, but it's better than this.
And that's when I made the decision that we were going to do this.
And so please do not come at me with like, oh, Jackie, I already went through the hundred
guys on here and there's not a guy for me.
You know what I want you to do instead?
I want you, as soon as we go live with this to you, when you meet an amazing guy somewhere,
I don't care where you meet him, I want you to take out your phone, have him download
the app and fill out a profile and you just added another amazing man.
And the same with women, although we have plenty of amazing women on there.
And so, but guys, have your friends join as well.
We're just going to all take it upon ourselves to continue to add as many men as we can.
I think right now there's probably a couple hundred men on there, but we have to start
somewhere, don't we?
And it's way better than what I saw on this app that's starting out.
I'd had no idea that the pickings were so slim.
Jesus, help us.
I don't even know where these people came from.
In fact, some of the people I felt like we were being punked.
Are we being punked?
Did this person really fill out a dating profile because they look like a serial killer?
One guy had a bloody knife in his hand.
I don't know if he was a butcher.
I don't know what was going on.
but he had sunglasses on too,
which made him even more nefarious looking.
So anyway, we're gonna do it.
So Susan, you know I love catching up with you,
but was there a question?
Oh, okay.
Susan's a professional actress,
so she does love to be in the spotlight,
and she's gorgeous and funny,
and if you know her, you will love her.
But what do we got, honey?
Okay, I don't know.
Let's just go off of the fact
that you were talking about brown fat,
and I'm in my swimming suit.
That's cute.
Yes, it's long sleeve,
because I don't like all the sun anymore.
Anyway, so I've been cold dipping in the river here,
in the Animas River here in Durango, Colorado.
Okay.
Even in March when it was 50 degrees out
and the water was 48.
So I just want to piggyback off your getting healthy,
ladies, and lifting weights.
I'm 66, I lift weights.
Come on.
And you just have to do it,
and your body shape will change.
Don't worry about the scale.
Worry about what you're eating,
high protein and lift weights,
and go for intense walks,
and you will shrink.
I love it.
You will, and then dip in cold water
and get rid of your brown fat.
But I was trying to work out a joke for that.
Brown fat, I thought that was a good thing,
like Thanksgiving and brown fat in gravy.
It is a good thing.
It tastes delicious.
Let's work on a joke for that.
Brown fat and white fat walk into a bar,
and then what's the punchline?
Okay, we'll figure it out, you guys.
All right, Susan.
You guys, if you know someone that should meet Susan,
remember this is a community-based matchmaking community.
And so if you know someone who should meet
the vibrant, sassy Susan Bennett,
that's right, she also had five daughters,
just like Mrs. Bennett in Jane Austen's book,
I think that you definitely should introduce them to Susan,
all right, because she's incredible.
And right now she's in Colorado.
Okay, so remember, I'm answering the questions
of the people in the chat as well.
Okay, someone else said,
if we're not in the same season as someone,
how long should we give them to get in our season?
I don't know what that means.
So Debra, I think that was who it was.
If it's not Debra, it's someone, you know who you are.
Unmute yourself and tell us what you mean by that.
What do you mean?
I'm gonna go look for you now.
Dawn, nope.
Does this mean I can delete Arc now?
Yeah, if you want to.
I'm so sorry, you guys,
I thought it was a lot better than that.
Look at me out here trying to make connections
for all of you.
Diane, I'm sorry, Diane.
If not being in the same season as the guy
who you're seeing exclusively is the only concern,
how long is it realistic to give him
to be in the same season?
We need an explanation of what you mean by that.
What season are you in?
What season is he in?
What season are you hoping that he'll get into?
Diane Ward, you're the next contestant on.
Who wants to get roasted by Jackie?
You guys, I am kind.
So many people, listen, I'm a very direct coach
because you don't need anyone to sugarcoat it.
You need someone to tell you like it is.
But we have people all the time that message us
and are like, Jackie hurt my feelings.
You guys, my heart has no guile in it.
I would never hurt your feelings on purpose.
I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.
All right, so Diane's not here maybe anymore.
Maybe she ran away.
But I don't know what she means about season.
So I really can't answer that yet.
All right, let's go.
What apps have been good for you ladies?
Okay, Facebook dating has been really good
for a lot of people.
So she said she's on Facebook, that's good.
I was hoping that too, Elizabeth,
but apparently that's not right.
You guys, by the way, we just had a very sensitive situation
in one of the single cities.
We had to remove a man from the single city.
We don't actually really know how he got
into the single city in the first place,
but he was actually sending messages
that were, we consider threatening actually
to a member of this community
and like constant harassment, finding.
are her on different platforms and continuing,
finding her in different dating groups
and continuing to send messages.
So he has been removed and forever,
forever blocked and reported.
And so you guys, every once in a while,
that kind of stuff's gonna happen no matter what.
And so it's very important
that if you see something, say something.
The only way that we can keep our community safe,
you guys, we've been around for five years
and we've only had to remove like maybe five people
in five years.
And so I really want to encourage you,
if you see something, say something.
The reason why we've had such safe communities
is because people like you guys
are willing to report any kind of weird behavior.
Okay, we take it seriously.
I know dating apps don't take it seriously.
They don't remove the scammers and the spammers
and the, you know, it doesn't have to just be men.
It can be women too that are up to no good
and we will remove them and we will report them
and we will block them and we will warn everyone about them.
We will post their face everywhere for everyone to see.
You know, we will do that here.
So don't be afraid to message us
if you see something that's, you know, sketchy
or you have some kind of weird interaction
with someone that you think is a red flag, okay?
All right, Crystal, you're up.
Go ahead and unmute yourself, let's go.
Okay, well, if this isn't the question for now and here,
but it kind of relates.
So I've heard you say many times
that those of us that want to get married and have kids,
which obviously I want to get married,
I'm here at last year single and I want to have kids still.
I'm going to be 49 next month.
I've heard you say it multiple times
that those of us that have lots of love to give
could, you know, foster, foster kids.
I've heard you say, you know,
and many people have said this to me over the years
and I hear you, maybe nobody else hears you
and maybe I just hear you because you say, you know,
some things are meant for some people.
But, and many people have said it to me.
And then you said, you know, one good parents better than,
you know, my parents were married for 50 years,
you know, that's all I knew was two parents.
And I struggle with it because,
anyways, I had a whopper of a beginning of a year
and while I was, my office was flooded and stuff,
I did all the courses and everything to foster.
And I think like, for a couple of months,
I've just asked God, like, am I settling for second best?
Am I getting off on the rabbit trail?
Am I doing something that I shouldn't be doing
because I really want to get married and have kids?
No.
Okay.
So, I mean, you were dealing with, you know,
you were dealing with the situationship of some sort, right?
Correct me if I'm wrong.
You were dealing with something
that was kind of on again, off again,
or not on again, off again,
but like you're dealing with some kind of messy situation
or it was a divorce or something
if my memory serves me correctly.
Yeah, well, I was one month from marriage
and then ended up in a, we broke that off
and then ended up with the person like threatening my life,
trying to get after me, lots of police involved
and all kinds of other situational things, yes.
Right.
So you, okay.
So thank you for jogging my memory on that.
So you've had a lot going on
and as much as we want to move forward, you know,
sometimes there's other things that have to happen first.
And so my answer to you is, is that it's not too late.
Now, I don't know if you biologically can have children,
probably not outside of a miracle,
but miracles do happen,
but there are tons of children.
Don't have my cycle regularly every month.
I mean, and I've seen the doctor
and he's at the, what I call the,
whatever most people are not getting pregnant,
they're what I call anyways,
but he said I was still good, still good to have kids.
Oh, well, that's amazing
because we have another lady in this group
that's trying to get pregnant.
And they said that at that age,
anybody has less than a 1% chance.
So your doctor is telling you something completely different
than other doctors are telling people.
But once again, God can do anything.
And we believe in AMA or advanced maternal age miracles here.
God even gave us that word for this community.
So trust me, we're not gonna disagree,
but also there's lots of ways to have children
and parent children.
But at the same time,
I don't think that you're doing anything wrong.
I think that you've had a very complicated season of time
with this other relationship and all that stuff,
and then the fallout of all that.
And then of course, with the flooding
and everything that you're mentioning now,
it sounds like you've just really been through a lot.
And so I think that God healing your heart
and positioning you well for the future
is probably the most important thing.
And friends, I just wanna let all of you know
that when we really just allow God to order our steps,
we make our plans, we let God order our steps,
a lot of times we're gonna find ourselves in places
doing things that we didn't originally plan to do.
Like I'm supposed to be in Europe right now,
and I'm not, I'm in Austin, Texas.
I canceled my plane tickets.
which, by the way, I got such an awesome deal on.
It just kills me to lose a good deal.
It kills me.
But I did get a good deal, but I let it go
because I need to stay here and I need to stay focused.
And that's not super fun,
but I'm gonna stay focused on the things
that God has in front of me.
And so really, friends, if you're doing the things
that are right in front of you to do
and the things that you think that God has spoken to you
to do in this season, and if you don't know what that is,
just keep doing what's right in front of you
until something else happens.
I think that you're not gonna miss out
on your spirit, mate.
I don't, I don't think you are.
I think that sometimes we have some internal blocks
in meeting new people when we've had some significant trauma
in trusting people and kind of letting them in.
So that's the only thing that I can think of for you,
Crystal, is just making sure that you're praying into that
and saying, hey, God, I don't wanna come off as guarded,
even though because of what I just went through,
it would make total sense for me to be guarded.
I mean, obviously you trusted this person enough
to almost go all the way to the altar with them
without seeing all this other part
of their personality, right?
And so that can sometimes get internalized as,
I don't know if I have the best discernment
or I don't wanna be fooled again by someone.
Even if we're not consciously feeling like that
is what we're thinking, sometimes that can be a block.
Which is completely understandable
when you just dodged a huge bullet, right?
But you're God-defending.
I would definitely say that,
because I used to pick up hitchhikers as a kid
and I trust everyone.
When I moved to California for culinary school,
I let a homeless lady come live with me,
nine police officers, and seven hours later,
they had her out of the house.
So I have this innate trust for everyone
and it's gotten me in some trouble.
Yeah, no.
You guys, I just said this to someone else today,
actually on a VIP coaching call for my challenge,
but this person was saying the exact same thing as you,
like they have this beautiful heart to trust people.
And you guys, that's a gift
and God doesn't want you to harden your heart.
But when a gift gets overextended by trauma,
it becomes a weakness.
And so we have to make sure that we understand
that this is not the world that we grew up in
when we were kids, that things are way different out here.
And while we can be God-defended,
when we give our gift to the wrong people,
which is to trust them,
especially if we have a soft heart and a kind heart,
that can get used by the wrong people
and then our hearts can become hardened
and God doesn't want your gift to get destroyed
by abuse and by hurt and pain and suffering.
That's needless.
And so let's not let it get overextended
and become a weakness for us
and choosing the wrong people.
Let's use discernment.
That's what this gift is for.
I'm sorry, that's what this group is for as well.
This is your part of your God defense system.
You guys, if you bring them here, gentlemen and ladies,
if you bring them here and you let us vet them out
as far as like you tell us what's going on
in your love life, that's what Love Seat's about.
You tell us scenarios that you're not sure,
it's kind of a yellow flag.
We will help you know if it's a red flag.
We will see what you don't see, okay?
Especially me, I will see what you don't see.
And so will your group.
So post in the group as much as you can,
post in your groups, let other people weigh in.
Some people will be totally off.
They'll be going by their own heart wounds.
You can just chew up the meat and spit out the bones,
all right?
Don't get offended because someone's like.
Guys, one time, one of our, this is when we first started.
This reminds me of this.
One of my students had a date with a guy.
It was really amazing, it was wonderful.
And then afterwards, he was supposed to plan a second date.
And it was just like a day later,
she got a text message from him,
but it sounded like he was talking to somebody else.
And I forget what the text message said.
Like it was sent to her in error, right?
It wasn't meant for her, it was meant for someone else.
And it was talking about some other woman
and he wasn't sure if he wanted to take her out.
Well, this guy was in an exclusive relationship
with my student.
He was on the dating apps.
He was obviously going out with more dates
and maybe that message seemed to be meant for like a friend
or someone who was helping him weigh in
on making decisions about who to go out with
and who not to go out with.
She posted that message in her community.
And some other woman commented on it and said,
I think he's a human trafficker.
And I was like, what?
And then another woman jumped on and said,
oh, you know, there's a lot of human trafficking right now.
You might wanna be careful.
And then before it was over with,
this man was a human trafficker.
He had gone out with her because he was grooming her
and secretly planning to abduct her.
It was a hot mess, you guys.
And that just shows you what happens.
Well, we got a bunch of broken hearted people in the same chat with each other.
Now it turned out that what I thought was true was true.
He was just trying to figure out, you know, who he wanted to go on second dates with.
He was helping that someone else was going to weigh in and help him figure that out.
Guys, just because you meet someone on an app doesn't mean they're exclusive to you,
right?
He wasn't up to anything nefarious.
He just texted the wrong thing to the wrong person.
So anyway, let's make sure that our gift of intuition doesn't become the gift of suspicion
and just take us down a crazy road.
So Crystal, I don't think you're doing anything wrong.
I'm glad to see you back in the community.
I do believe this is your time and this is your last year single.
So just pray and to say, Hey God, is there anything that would cause me to seem closed
off to people that would want to meet me or want to talk to me?
I know that you're super friendly and nice, but we're all girls.
So what is there anything that would make you seem closed off to a man who would want
to talk to you and get to know you, right?
Also ladies, I mean, I know Crystal's really into health and wellness, so she's really
in shape or taking care of herself and all the things, but sometimes it can be off putting
if you are not presenting yourself well in person.
And I don't just mean like you're a little overweight or, you know, I'm talking about
like if you have kind of a stern look, if you have like a kind of a stern look to yourself.
So be careful that, you know, your outer appearance is open and welcoming to people.
Like Melissa Dawn is a perfect example.
She's very feminine in her presentation, okay?
She's very feminine in her presentation.
She's got on purple.
She's got on a color, not just black.
Okay.
Hello darkness, my old friend.
We don't want all black all the time.
And trust me, I love black.
It's my favorite color, non-color, absence of color.
So she's got on some pretty, she's got a pretty necklace on, she's got a pretty smile
on, she's got on some makeup, but not too much makeup.
Her hair is nicely coiffed.
Let's be welcoming, smile.
Remember that after a certain age, your marionette lines start to form and it makes you look
like you're in a perpetual frown, okay?
We call it RBF for a reason and that the main middle word there are what men are very afraid
they're going to marry.
So let's make sure that we're smiling, smiling, okay?
Pretend like you're a tourist from another country that thinks all Americans do is smile
and you're in New York City.
Smiling.
Okay.
So Crystal, I think this intersection of you and your spirit mates just right around the
corner, babe.
I receive it.
Okay.
Eva, you're up.
People are advocating for you, Eva.
They're like, take Eva.
She's been waiting forever.
Really?
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
In the chat.
It's like Eva, Eva.
That's funny.
Okay.
So I met this guy in community.
I'm part of like two Christian singles group.
And so I met, I saw him for the first time a year ago and just, um, we've done stuff
like disc golf, um, uh, bowling and stuff like that.
So we really started talking in the events like December.
Anyway, we started talking, talking in April, like we exchanged numbers and, um, we started
going on dates in May and he's been super consistent, super sweet, really nice.
He plays piano.
He's even composing a song for me.
Wow.
It's like a unicorn.
Um, he's an introvert though.
He's never been married and conversations I've had, um, all of his relationships have
been very short and like never been close to getting engaged or anything like that.
Uh, so, and, and he's an only child, but he's a lot, he's very solitaire.
Let's say he's, he's, he has his own business for home and, um, he does a lot of things
by himself.
Gotcha.
So, um, July 4th, I asked him what he was going to do and I knew he was going to say
nothing and I was going to my cousins and I asked him because I hate when single people
are by themselves on dates like that.
And I say, Hey, I'm going to my cousins.
If you want, you can go, no pressure because it's my family, you know, but if you want,
you can go.
And he went and as the date, so we went to.
my cousins for burgers. And then later, we went to a park to see the fireworks. So it
started like at 3pm. By the time everything ended, and he took brought me home. It was
11pm. But as the day progressed, like he was, he was not himself as the day progressed.
Like I didn't see the spark in his eye like still interested in me or like there was a
time that we in the park, we talked. And I was like, I don't see like this is gonna go
like I couldn't see that this is gonna go anywhere. So, so since then, and then when
he left, like his his face, he just look like, I gotta get out of here. So since then, the
communication has diminished considerably. And so like this morning, he's just here something
like we've talked every single day since April 27. And but like, it's shorter. And we do
have a movie date that he bought the tickets a couple weeks ago, on the 20th. So but nothing
in between from here until then. So I don't know if I should say anything. I mean, I don't
know. Okay, so let's talk about dismissive avoidance, because that's what you got right
here on your hands. Okay, let's talk about them. A lot of times they're not bad people. But
they're people that for whatever reason, have learned to have a vibrant inner world. You
know, my husband, David, you guys love him, you know, you love him, but he's a dismissive
avoid it. And the reason why he became that way is because he was an only child. He was an only
child. And he was an only child during the 70s and 80s, where parents were gone a lot. And so
he was an only child, his mom and his stepdad were gone a lot. So he was left alone a lot. And
so he created this, you know, self self self soothing type of life, where he's by himself
playing with, you know, building Lego worlds and doing the things that he does. And so you
are this vibrant ray of light, like I am, that came into my husband's life and said, Hey, you
don't have to be alone, come and let me share your inner world. And that's scary. Okay. The
good thing about my husband is that he was married before me, and he was married young. So he
was already kind of used to letting someone else into that world. But it's not easy for him. And
it's not easy for this guy. And so he probably has a social invulnerability hangover. All right,
just being around people for that length of time is your family like you? I don't know. But if they
are, then that was just a lot of movement, a lot of people. And then that's a long date as well.
And so I think that he probably just got overwhelmed. I don't think that it's that he
doesn't like you. I think that how old is he? He's in his 50s. I'm 57. He's 56. Yeah. So he's
made it this long without ever being in a serious relationship. None of his relationships last long.
And so the real question you need to be asking him if you guys talk again, is like, what do you
want? You know, are you a marriage minded person? Are you hoping to share your life with someone
someday? Even if it's not me? I mean, it's a fair question. At this point, you guys had hung out
enough that you can say what is it that you feel like you're looking for in life as far as
relationship is concerned? Because a lot of times also dismissive avoidance, especially ones that
have never been in relationship, they tell themselves that they may not be good at relationship. And so
they get scared and they kind of pull back because they don't want to disappoint anyone. And also
they tell themselves that if I'm kind of meant to be in relationship that I'll find someone that
will be easy with that. It'll just be easy to be with them. And we all know that that's a laugh,
right? Because relationships not easy. So Eva, if I were you, sounds like you really like some
parts of him. If I were you, I would definitely just ask him, you know, what he's hoping, you
know, will happen in, you know, in his relationship part of his life. Like, is he looking for, you
know, marriage? I would ask him that. And should I ask him about 4th of July or not? I mean, I think
you kind of already know what happened on 4th of July. You know, he thought he could go and handle
it. I mean, was there anything that happened that you thought could have turned him off or made him
act like that? Was there anything at all where he was made to feel uncomfortable in any way, shape
or form? Well, um, my family, we're all Hispanic, and our first language is English. I did tell him
don't, don't be turned off. If you hear Spanish, we're not talking about you. It's our it's our,
you know, original.
setting. Yeah. And out of all, all of us there, well, except
for the, it was just my cousin, his wife, and the two kids. So,
and myself, that was it. And so I said, if you hear Spanish,
don't be, you know, don't feel like it's just like, you know,
it's the first setting in our in our brain. So but everybody was
speaking English, I made sure I was speaking English the whole
time. But on the way to the park, there was a lot of Spanish
going on. And my cousin is very choleric temperament. And he was
getting on my nephew's case for not turning to the right place
or whatever. So I don't know if that bothered him. But it was
just on the way to the park for the I bet it was just I bet it
was just social overwhelm, honestly. I mean, that's a long
day. Yeah. So it's a long date. He's with strangers. He's with
strangers besides you. I wouldn't I don't think there's
anything personal in that. But if you want to say to him, hey,
I noticed, you know, I noticed, I think that I noticed, I think
I noticed by the end of fourth of July, that you were kind of,
you know, ready to go home, you know, what, you know, was
everything okay? You know, you can ask that, if you want, make
sure that you say, I think I noticed this, not that you did,
because you could be wrong. That could just be his tired face.
You don't know. We don't know. But I think that I think it's
time for you to get a little bit more clarity about where this is
going, or if it's going anywhere. Because quite frankly,
you don't got time to waste. Yes. All right. Okay. Someone
you're Thank you. Thank you for volunteering. Appreciate it. I
want to also just say to the person in the chat that said,
Hey, can we date guys that are younger than us? Yes. How much
younger? Well, depends on how young you want to go. Do you
want to be someone's mama. So you got to make sure that you're
matching seasons that you're matching maturity levels. There
are some people that came out of their mother's womb, super
mature. There's some men, I know that we think men are just
immature. And we're always told, you know, men mature slower than
women. And I think that's one of the reasons why women don't
want to date younger men. Because it's been drilled into
our heads that men mature at a slower pace than us. So why
would I want to, you know, get with someone younger than me, I
want someone more mature, right? I don't want someone immature.
And I think that men have been really just miss misrepresented
in that way. There's a lot of really mature men, there's some
men that came out of their mother's womb wearing a
three-piece suit, okay, ready to go off and build their fortunes.
And so it just depends on what the guy is, it's got to be a
case by case basis. How young is too young? Definitely under 18
is too young, okay? You don't want to be a panther or a cougar
or cheetah or whatever we're calling ourselves nowadays. But
at the same time, it's about season, it's about future plans
and desires. It's about attraction, physical, mental,
emotional, spiritual, instead of age. That's what's important.
All right, Nora, you're up.
Hello, coming to you from my car.
So Tiffany said he's 78 and I'm 47. Wait, someone was asking for
a guy that was younger than them. So Tiffany, you're dating
a 78 year old?
I wouldn't say dating because we hang out in the suburbs, 50
miles away from my area.
Okay.
We're not in the same seasons. He's a very generous man. But I
feel, okay, I feel like a sex worker every time we go out. I'm
like, these people probably think I'm a prostitute.
Wait, is he a different skin color?
Yeah.
He's a white man?
Yeah.
You guys, this is a big thing right now. I've been following
this chick on TikTok talking about the soft life and she's
this really pretty, older black woman. She's not young and she's
married to a much, she's married to an even older white man and
everywhere they go, people are like, what's going on here? I'm
down with it. Do you like him for any other reason besides his
suburban-ness?
He's very, very generous financially, which he would have
to be because there's no other reason for him not to be. He's
very smart. So he gives a lot of tips and, hey, have you
considered this? And, hey, what about this? But I told him, I
said, look, my son is six. I need somebody that's going to
run around with him. And I would love to have another child. And
he was like, I don't know. I mean, I could possibly have
another child. And I was like, hey, not with me. I wasn't
talking about it. I'm just saying in general. But he has
children older than I am. And they're very
Like, hey, what is going on here?
I'm like, what do you think is going on here?
Well, let's be honest.
You know, he's a nice man, but I can't see.
Jackie, he almost tried to kiss me
and almost jumped in the street, okay?
So you're repulsed by him?
I'm not repulsed by him.
I just don't want to see him eat or kiss me on the cheek.
Other than that, it's fine.
We can hang out.
We can laugh.
No, honey, you got a sugar daddy.
Well, I don't want to call him a sugar daddy
because maybe he is a sugar daddy.
Listen, you cannot see the man eat
and the thought of him even kissing you on the cheek
is makes you want to jump in the street?
No.
He's really nice.
He can be nice all he wants to,
but if he puts his teeth in a cup at nighttime,
it's just not gonna be the thing.
He just asked me like, hey, you know,
do you see us being committed?
I'm like, I just don't see it.
So I think he's kind of pushing a little bit further,
but I just feel like, oh my gosh, I'm too embarrassed.
I feel very embarrassed.
Okay, I hear what you're saying.
And also, you know, maybe this is the,
maybe this is the, what's it called?
The gateway drug to just getting you
into a different mindset about a different type of man
that maybe you could be with that's a few years younger,
but also well-established, okay?
You're a career woman, you're well-established,
you've worked hard for what you have,
so well-established, generous, kind,
but then has those other attributes
of being able to run around
and that you want to eat with him and also kiss him.
Those would be important.
Those are important things.
Absolutely.
All right, but listen, if he's a great guy,
we have plenty of women who are more in that age bracket
that probably would want to kiss him on the mouth.
Oh my God.
You know what, I will suggest our group.
I will, I'll do that tomorrow.
Is he a believer?
Yes.
Oh, perfect, yeah.
All right, Tiffany.
I'll keep you posted.
But I need to, I'll Instagram you that lady's account
because it's good.
Her Instagram account, you got to watch it.
Okay.
All right.
No, I can think of a million inappropriate things to say
that I'm not going to say.
Okay, so Nora, it's your turn.
Hello.
Hi.
Okay.
This group is so funny.
I love you guys.
Okay, but wait, I want to just reply.
The girl, the woman that said she's 51
and she's getting 39 year old guys,
men are not a really good judge of age, okay?
And let's just face it.
Gen X is out here aging like fine wine.
We're looking good.
All right, so they just think that you're pretty
and that's good and that's awesome.
But you have to make sure
if you're going to date a much younger man
and you're beyond childbearing eight years
and you're not going to have any babies
that you tell them that just right from the beginning.
Cause if you say the age difference,
they're gonna be like, oh, I don't care.
But say, hey, but you know, the womb is closed for business.
So if you're wanting to have kids
then I'm not the person that you should be pursuing.
And it really, that's just an important conversation to have
when you have a much younger man and an older woman.
That's all.
All right, go ahead, Nora.
Hello.
Okay.
So I'm going on a date tomorrow
with a guy that I matched with on Hinge.
And I, he told me like right off the bat
that he's like a father figure to the son of his ex.
And like, he's not his, like,
I guess the son never met his biological dad.
And so, and I don't know, like,
what the nature of his relationship with his ex was
if they were living together or what,
it sounds like they might've been.
But yeah, he's basically like, he's the,
I don't have any rights,
but like, I want to give him a sense of family.
And so like, he's basically my son.
And so like-
Okay, how long was he, how long was he with her for?
I don't know.
Like, it's a first date.
So he just told me this over a voice memo
and he was just like, kind of getting it out of the way.
Like, I don't know if this is a deal breaker.
And my response was, well, I really value family.
I can tell you do too.
I mean, that's, that speaks a lot of you.
I don't know how I feel about that particular scenario.
There's just a lot, there's a lot of information.
Cause I know a lot of people that didn't marry the person
that they dated for years and even kind of, you know,
in some cases lived with for years
and they really are the only mother or father
that that child ever knew.
So you need to know more.
Yeah. And so I guess my question is like,
what kind of questions make sense to ask about that?
Especially early on.
I mean, it's going to be a first date.
He seems cool.
I actually, I matched with him on Hinge,
but I met him like 10 years ago in grad school
and I thought he was so cute.
And then I like recognized him.
Yeah, but the thing with him is I don't,
I wouldn't have swiped on him unless I had recognized him
because like he didn't even list
that he was a Christian in his bio.
And it said like he was open to a long-term relationship,
comma, open to short.
So I'm like, he might not be aligned to my values,
but I was just curious if he was the same person.
and he was and I was like hey just so you know like I was curious about if you have a faith
background I'm a Christian that's really central to my life like do you have one because that's
just I don't want to waste your time but the reason why I'm asking because I recognize you
and so he was like yeah I was born and raised Roman Catholic I go to church it is important
to me I guess I just I assume that people don't read my bio so I didn't put it I don't know so
like I don't know quite where he is with his faith if we really are aligned but he seems super nice
and then so that's why I'm going out with him but I'm just like so there's a few things where I'm
like I don't know how this is going to be and also I guess my fear is if everything else worked
out but with the son like could there be some tie with his ex or like he would get back together
with her I don't like I think there's well I mean those are the questions if you get to know him
you know first of all because he's not this this child's biological father how long has he been in
his life did he raise him from birth why did they break up and because he doesn't have legal rights
of visitation you know has she given him rights because I'm going to tell you if she really has
moved on moved on and she gets in a relationship or gets remarried it's more likely that the man
she marries isn't going to want that yeah because he's not his dad and he's not going to want just
her old boyfriend hanging around it's one thing if someone has legal rights to a child and it's
another thing if they're just you know just playing parent to a child and so those those
situations in my opinion I've seen a lot of these types of situations believe it or not
and they usually that the the relationship usually gets cut off by the biological parent eventually
okay well that's good to know I mean it's not like I'm like I want that but I just I'm curious
what what makes sense especially when I'm first getting to know someone I don't want to like
interview him so is there something that would make sense to ask him like in the beginning or
or what I would just I would ask him I would ask him how long he was in relationship with her like
or how long he's been like raising this child okay yeah I think it's fine and about that other stuff
I mentioned like does any of that give you pause like the fact that he didn't list he was a
Christian on his profile but then apparently he's like a Roman Catholic I like I mean those kind of
value things like I don't I don't know where he stands on that so I'm sort of like am I wasting
my time going on a date with him but he's really cute I mean I think I think that there are a lot
of people that are Christians that don't list it on their dating profile for whatever reason
I mean I don't find it to be a red flag no okay okay well but you know you did when you said you
know it's central to my life and important you know if he wants to go out with you you know he's
going to try to meet you there with that even if it's not true so true so yeah so I would just yeah
just keep your eye on that okay well we will see all right okay thank you okay all right girl okay
let's see all right I'm just reading through I'm just reading through all these comments
oh so funny such a funny loveseat tonight okay we have less than three minutes so Gabby I need it
fast for some reason I don't hear you though hold on a sec it might be your headset
can you hear me yep now I can hear you go ahead okay so I'm still talking to the same
yes I heard from him as well so are my trip there was delayed but it's back on now because I got my
passport I had some delays but just so you know he's also messaging me so I'm pretty
much up to date on all that so you probably skip right to the question if you want
I'm nervous about the trip there's been some differences that have come up that
are kind of heavy on my heart yeah I feel like we're aligned spiritually but
then there's some things that have come up that we don't see eye to eye on and
a lot of the things that are happening in the world are like really heavy on my heart and I
realized we don't see things the same way so I think the I personally think knowing both of you
and knowing him really well I've been coaching him for several years now I think that y'all are gonna
go head to head I just do I think that you guys are going to have disagreements I think that he
is very set in his ways I don't think he's gonna change I really don't he has very very not just
conservative but also like far right far far right and you guys if that's you here I'm not
dogging you I'm just saying he's got very very very extreme views of
things.
He's, you know, he's got a lot of conspiracy theory views and that's going to be perfect
for somebody, but I don't know that that's you because you're not far right.
You're not far left, but you're definitely a moderate.
You're definitely in the middle.
You're definitely socially liberal, I would say, because you care about the plight of
the poor and unfortunate.
And I just, I think for, if you were the kind of person who could just kind of check what
you believe at the door and just not just like agree to disagree and not talk about
that stuff and not really get involved in that, then it could possibly work.
But I don't think you're like that.
I think you're kind of a passionate sort of person that likes to talk about what they
believe in and what you believe and he believes not the same thing.
And he also is someone who's passionate and wants to, you know, kind of win everyone over
to his thought pattern.
So I just, I think that you guys are opposites and you attract, but you may not cohabitate.
Now all that being said, do I think that you shouldn't go visit?
Not necessarily, but I think you're going to have to draw some really clear boundaries,
both of you.
Now this is the only way this even has a snowball's chance of working, okay, is if before you
even go, you say, Hey, listen, we disagree on these topics and we may never agree on
these topics and list them out.
And so while I'm visiting, these topics are off limits.
We're not talking about them at all.
And then you don't talk about them because you already know you disagree and all you're
going to do is argue about it.
And it's going to be tense and your kids are going to be there and just bleh.
So if you want to go have fun in Pennsylvania and get to know the other side of him, the
farmer side of him, and all, you know, the man side of him and all those things and be
together and see what you have in common that you could build on, I think that that would
be the only right, the only right thing here is if you totally put a moratorium on those
conversations.
Okay, I actually spoke up the other day because it's been weighing on me and I feel like everything
we've been talking about has been very surface and I don't like, I feel like the connection
has gone away because I don't feel connected because I can't share how I feel about things.
So I ended up sharing how I was feeling and he said he understood my perspective, but
that he sees it differently.
And I, I mean, it was better.
I mean, I feel like I was heard at least, but I was really concerned because he said
that he had brought up politics several times.
I didn't bring it up, but he said that even his daughter will try to talk to him and she'll
be like, but dad, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And he just, the way he said it just made me feel like if he'll dismiss his daughter
like that, then how is he going to, well, he's definitely, like I said, he's definitely
not going to change the way that he feels about those things.
Now my husband and I are not aligned politically.
You know, like I just have a lot of intuition and I see a lot of corruption behind everything,
not just behind the people on the red side or the blue side.
You know, this is not a sporting event.
This is not the world series or the super bowl.
It's not your team and my team, okay.
It's evil and lesser evil and evil.
And so the bottom line is a lot of women feel that way and that's why men need good
wives because we have a lot of discernment and we have a tendency to be able to prophetically,
you know, tell, tell them things that they wouldn't hear other places.
And so gentlemen, if you want a good wife, you're also going to have to understand that
she's probably going to see a lot of different things in just the culture and current events
than you're going to see in it.
And it's probably important that you listen to her, you know, not that we don't listen
to you.
And I want to make sure that I said this tonight, you guys, that the Bible is very clear that
men should sacrifice or even die, die to self for the family, for the wife, for the marriage,
right?
And then it's very, very specific that the woman should submit.
Okay.
And so I really want to encourage all of you to pray into this.
Ladies, are you worth dying for?
I really want you to be the kind of woman that's worth dying for.
It's worth a man wanting to sacrifice himself for you.
And I don't mean like physically, like going to war or running in front of a car.
I mean, dying to self, sacrificing for the family, for the needs of the family, for the
benefit and good of you.
Are you worth dying for?
And then gentlemen, you know, you need to ask.
yourself, you know. Are you willing to do that for someone? Are you, are you willing
to do that? That's the question. So, and we want to be, we want to be women worth dying
for and then gentlemen, you want to be men worth submitting to, right? You want to be
trustworthy and kind and have integrity and so that she can respect you and submit to
you. Okay. Go ahead, Gabby. And this is it. We're going to end right here.
The fear that's coming up is that I won't be able to find anyone I'm aligned with because
I don't, I'm not, I don't consider myself left or right. I'm independent and I try to
follow the Bible and I don't feel like either party perfectly aligned. So how am I going
to find anybody that I'm perfectly aligned with and how do I navigate this?
We don't have to be perfectly aligned, but we do have to respect each other. We have
to respect each other's decisions. And if we're raising children, we have to decide
ahead of time, you know, how are we going to raise those children? What are we going
to raise those children to believe about life, about the world, about God? You know, these
are the things we have to talk about and you guys both have smaller children. And so it's
important to, to, to have, you know, even if you don't agree on everything, when you
come together before you marry someone, when you're going to be raising children specifically,
you talk about how those children are going to be raised and what they're going to be
raised to believe. Okay. So this man's a lot older than you. I think that you could be
possibly aligned more closely with someone closer in your age. How many years difference
do you guys have? 16. Okay. So one of the reasons why he kind of believes the things
that he believes is because of the area of the country that he's lives, the, his vocation
as a farmer and the things that he's done in a cons, you know, a contractor and the
things he's done, and then also his age. Okay. This guy is in his upper fifties, almost 60
years old, and it's just a different generation than you with different belief systems. Now,
it could maybe possibly, but there would have to be a lot of respect for both of you for
the other person. And you'd have to find some common ground to build on. So if you do end
up going on this trip, that's what I would work on doing, seeing if there's anything
common that you can build on. Okay. Besides just attraction to each other and for you,
you know, well, there's nobody better out here, so I guess I'll settle for him. No,
way. That's not definitely not it. Okay. You're a beautiful woman. You're a principled woman,
and he needs to respect your viewpoints and vice versa. Guys have to agree to disagree and
have a commonality to build on in order to go forward. Right, friends. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for joining us for Love Seats. I hope you had a good time. I know I did. I had
so much fun with you guys. We had some fun conversations tonight. Thank you to everyone
who participated in tonight. Everyone's laughing and giggling a little bit. It was a funny
it was a funny one. And we'll see you guys soon. Bye everyone.