I can't believe like, we're
already halfway through July.
Like, what happened?
My kids will be going to school
soon.
That's good to know.
Less than a month.
I get to send them back off to
school.
So there's a little more peace
and quiet that way.
But anyway, it is July 15th.
This is your 1 o'clock Eastern
time.
Heart check-in.
It's 12 o'clock here, Central,
here in the DFW area in Texas
where I'm located.
It's so good to be here.
It's so good to be with you
ladies.
We've got some new faces.
I have a feeling we might have
seen some more people even
today.
I don't know.
We might have seen some more
people even joining here shortly.
Typically it takes a few minutes
for people to jump on.
But yes, we're welcome.
We're happy to be here.
We welcome you here.
So for those of you that are
brand new to Phase 2 or this is
your first heart check-in call,
please go ahead and raise your
hand and let us know that you're
here.
Emily, so good to see you.
I noticed a lot of women posting
in the app that are brand new.
They just left HeartWork and
they're here with us.
And I just want to say, ladies,
you're doing great already.
I have seen so many of you just
posting, interacting, sharing,
and that's half the battle,
honestly.
So I thank you for coming out of
hiding and letting us know that
you're here.
We see you.
We care about you.
So with that being said, I'm
going to kind of jump into some
housekeeping things.
And it's going to be a little bit
more geared to some of the newer
ladies that are on because I'm
seeing an influx of more women
coming from the HeartWork.
And so I want to put your minds
at ease.
I want to calm your spirit about
what this next phase is all
about.
So I want to reassure you, first
and foremost, if you've watched
the Love Story kickoff, there's
the seven-day challenge.
And I know this can get super
scary for a lot of you,
especially if you haven't dated
in a while.
That was me when I was in the
program.
So again, let me introduce
myself because I haven't done
that.
I'm Carla Johnson.
I'm one of your coaches here at
Last Year Single.
I was actually a member.
That's how I joined this
community back in 2020 when
Jackie did a big launch of her
community.
I got filtered in through the
Facebook app and joined her
community.
And I've been part of it ever
since.
I was a single.
It took me a little while to
meet my husband, but I did get
married about two years,
celebrating two years on
September 3rd this year.
And then I got the honor and
privilege to be able to coach in
this community as well and walk
alongside of so many of you and
be part of the love stories that
God has written for so many
people.
And it's been such an honor and
a blessing to pour in the same
wisdom that I received.
I was pretty stubborn, believe
it or not, and so I get it.
I get the pushback.
I get the, you know, I get the
fear.
I get all of that.
So again, that seven-date
challenge is not meant to scare
you.
That was actually something
introduced when I had joined the
community, and I didn't jump at
the bit right away, and so I want
that to kind of give you ladies
some reassurance for those of you
that are fearful of seven dates.
It sounds like a lot.
It's meant to be a lot, but it's
also meant to not be so much at
the same time.
So I can't tell you what was
going on in Jackie's head, why
she picked seven, but she did,
and it's been a thing for many
years now.
So but with that being said, I
want to let you know that you do
not have to complete the seven
dates in this phase, okay?
So if you get through the
content, if you've been here for
at least four to five weeks, now
ladies will choose to stay here
longer, and that is okay, and we
encourage that.
If you believe that you need just
a little more healing and
guidance in the dating, then
feel or just, again, just some
more heart work.
This phase doesn't mean that
you're not going to do heart work.
Heart work is continual.
You will continue to do heart
work, believe it or not.
Heart work will even take place
in your marriages, too.
I'm learning that now that
there's some more heart work.
things that are coming up to the surface for me that I still can do hard work on
I'm learning that now that
there's some more heart work.
And I'm learning that now that
there's some more heart work.
to build my relationship and my blended family because that is what I'm doing.
We have a blended family and you'll hear Jackie say so for some of you that have kids or are
going to get in relationships with men that have children, blending is a whole nother level of
hard work. But like Jackie says, it doesn't have to be easy. It just has to be worth it and it
really is. So hard work will still continue. Dating does not have to look the same for everybody.
Okay. You're going to complete the course. You're going to do the five videos. You're going to come
to the live calls. You're going to engage with the community. You're going to let us coaches know who
you are. All right. And after four or five weeks, if you feel like, you know what, I'm okay.
I can move on to the next phase. Then you're allowed to do that. You just email admin at
jackiedorman.com and they will put you in to that. We call it now it's all community VIP or
last year's single VIP. It's the all community. And then there's more things that happen over
there as well. I do have a lot of ladies that stick around for more than five weeks, more than
six weeks. Some ladies stay here two or three months and that's truly fine. Some ladies need
a little more time before they jump into the dating pool because some fears are starting to
surface. Okay. You dealt with some hard work stuff without dating in phase one. And now you're moving
on to phase two. And then there's this other layer where we now give you the green light to date.
And for some of you, that's going to bring up some fears. And so all that is, is just a little
more heartwork. We're going to help you process through that. What fear or lie are you believing
about dating? And what does God want to do to heal your heart so he can prepare you for dating,
which will prepare you for relationship, which will prepare you for marriage.
And then when you do decide to date, we're here to coach you through that process. So that's why
we have this level two, this phase two, if you will, I shouldn't say level, because we talk about
the levels of relationship and I don't want to confuse anybody. But in this phase, we allow these
one o'clock Eastern and eight o'clock Eastern Tuesday calls to give you ladies a platform to
be able to get live group coaching with myself or Ebony, which will be very similar to what you'll
get to experience when you move to the VIP phase three, where it is, you'll get some one on one
group coaching with Jackie, but it is in a much bigger forum. So there's a lot more people. And so
that doesn't happen as freely as it does in this phase. Now, we understand it can get super
comfortable. And so there's times that we do have to encourage some ladies, okay, you're ready for
the next step, like you participated, you've engaged, you've gotten growth, we've seen healing,
you're ready to move on. So I've had to do that sometimes to people to where they just got super
cozy with myself and Ebony. And, you know, it took a little nudging to get them over there.
But they're doing great now. So keep that in mind. I do also want to encourage you ladies.
I always feel like I do need to preface this. Some women come in here and they're just ready
where the men, how do I get to the men? I want to get through this phase because in the next phase,
then it's men and women. So how do I get there? How do I get Jackie to set me up in the spirit mate
match? Ladies, I want you to rest in God's time and sit and embrace what we have to offer here
in this space. Okay. We don't want you rushing over there because guess what?
Having been in this program myself, I have seen this happen. So many women and listen,
I was guilty of this too. So there is no shame and judgment whatsoever here.
We think that if we could just get in front of good godly men and one will like us,
then we're going to be fixed and healed. And that's just simply not true.
Okay. And so it's the women that actually trust in the process that we've built here
and allow yourself to be vulnerable in this community and get the deeper healing and get
that connection with holy spirit. That's where the acceleration.
happens. Okay, so I hope this gives you at least a little bit of an overview. I'm
gonna make sure that I didn't miss anything. Again, just everyone's story and
love story and pacing in this community will look different. And you know, some
ladies decide to take the plunge and go deep dive quickly into the dates where
others are like, okay I want to ease into the pool. I want to put a toe and then a
foot and then a leg before before we fully get into dating. And it can, will
help you with that pacing. Okay, I encourage a lot of ladies that are
fearful of going out and dating, especially those that are fearful of
online dating. I'm like, well then don't start there. Start with just letting
trusted people in your community know you're open to dating and you're open to
meeting people. That if they have anybody that they can think of that they
would think would be a good match and loves Jesus and is in line with some of
the things that you're aligned with to introduce you to them. You know, spend
time getting to know more people. Build your friend groups a little more.
Sometimes it's through friendships that we meet our spirit mates. Okay, and it
actually then allows us to build on how to build friendships. Some of us
have been hurt in friendships and relationships. I know that was me. I
struggled, especially in high school, with my relationships with girls and it made
it really hard for me to trust. So let alone, I didn't feel like I could trust
a lot of women, let alone men, right? And so we just encourage you like build on
those relationships. It is a preparation period. God has got you here for a reason
and he's going to work all that stuff out for your good if you trust in the
process and you surrender that pen. Okay, and so again I want to just emphasize
when we coach here in phase two, Jackie, not Jackie, well Jackie is you know
obviously doing the videos and stuff, but myself and Ebony when we're on these
calls with you, we will give you guardrails. They're not hard rules. Okay,
and that's what you'll hear those things in Jackie's teachings as well. A lot of
those are guardrails. Okay, many of you are not going to always listen to those.
I know I didn't. Okay, for example, you'll hear us coach that you before meeting
someone, you need to make sure you have a couple exchanges that you maybe get on
a video especially if they're long-distance and I didn't do that. We
always tell you within a week, get on a live date or a video call within a week.
Y'all, I met my husband and we only talked through messaging and texting for
three weeks and then he flew to Florida to meet me. Now luckily he had a job that
he worked from an office that was in Florida, but he worked remotely in Texas and I never
actually saw the real person. I saw pictures of him. I honestly didn't think
he was super attractive. Was he a decent looking guy? Yeah, but did my heart like
skip a beat when I saw photos of him? No, that has changed I assure you ladies, but
it took me three weeks and like he was coming to meet me and I was like, oh, I guess I'll give
him a phone call. Ladies, I just did a voice phone call. Okay, now we don't tell you to do
that. So again, like there's no hard rules. Now would it have eased my mind? Probably,
like I probably wouldn't have been so nervous about it. I mean, I was ready to cancel the
date even after even being on the phone with him. Like I was like, no, I don't, I don't know.
Like I was ready to cut and run. And Jackie assured me like, get off the ledge, Carla,
go have fun. You don't have to decide if this man is your husband right away. Like just go
out on the date. And so again, we will give you guardrails. It's not hard, hard rules. Now,
if you're breaking, breaking those guardrails and you're plowing through them, we're going to
bring you back. We're going to pull you back on the road and say, okay, this is why we coach this.
This is why this is a guardrail because you put yourself maybe in a not so fun situation. So it's
not a mistake. It's a lesson learned. We don't have to beat ourselves up for it. We're just
going to pull you back. We're going to guide you back in the process. Okay. And.
Just know that we're your biggest cheerleaders here,
but we're also gonna tell you things
that you might not wanna hear, but you need to hear them.
That's what we're here for.
And we say it and we do it all in love
and care and consideration for you.
And a lot of times, what we might be sharing with you
and the hard things that you don't wanna hear
are actually coming from a place of wisdom
because myself or Ebony probably done it ourselves.
And so I just wanna encourage you with that.
I wanna encourage you to step into your voice
and trust in yourself, okay?
Some of you might be on this,
I just don't know how to pick them and I need help
and I don't know how to date and all this.
And you're gonna want us to give you all the answers.
Ladies, we're not gonna be able
to give you all the answers, okay?
We're here to give you guidance,
but I wanna encourage for some of you,
you're gonna need to start practicing trusting yourself
and you're not gonna always need our permission.
We're just here to help with those blind spots, okay?
I hope that clears up any fear
that's coming to the surface.
But anyway, now that I've just blahed it all out,
I do wanna see a few more of you.
If you can jump on live on your videos,
I wanna see your beautiful faces if you can.
How many people do I have here with me today?
15 of you, okay, good.
All right, so yeah, I wanna see some more pretty faces.
I've got one, two, I see Vern, I see Sandy, I see Elaine.
It's so good to see Mary and Kim, Bridget.
Thank you, ladies.
Good, good, good, all right.
I'm seeing more people jump on, fantastic.
Okay, so I'm gonna dive in.
I'm just gonna briefly touch on our activations.
This week, I really do want you ladies
focusing on Supernatural Saturday.
You'll hear me share it time, time, and time again,
how important it is to get to Supernatural Saturday.
That is Jackie's like special time each week.
It's one of her favorite things to do with this program.
And y'all, if you've ever listened to it or been on it,
like it's just Holy Spirit anointed.
I mean, y'all, I'm not single anymore,
but I will tell you the words that she pours in
are exactly what I need to hear.
And she'll tell you too,
obviously her and David have been married,
I think now almost going on 15 years.
And a lot of the things that Holy Spirit is speaking to her
for this community and in our spiritual,
in that spiritual realm is for her too.
It's not just if you're only single,
there's other things that God wants to do.
God brought you here because you had a desire for marriage,
but there's so much more he's gonna do for you.
You know, one of my biggest testimonies about this program,
and what I learned that I really gained
is that the husband was just the bonus.
I gained so much more fruit.
My relationship with the Lord exploded.
I had no idea that there was even a deeper intimacy
that I could actually experience with the Lord.
And it was this program that got me there.
And so God wants to do like so much more in your life
besides bring the husband.
I promise you that.
Okay, he's got big assignments for you.
He's got assignments for your marriages,
but he's got assignments in other areas for you too.
So I want you to get ahold of that.
I want you to think about that.
So I really want you ladies focusing
on Supernatural Saturday this week.
Last week, and for those ladies
that were not here last week, don't worry.
I prompted you ladies to start looking
at that Jesus Cares board
that y'all would have been introduced to in HeartWork.
And so I'm curious if anybody,
did anybody kind of take a look at that?
I didn't see any posts about it.
I know sometimes that falls off a little bit,
which is totally fine.
All right, I'm just gonna call y'all out about it.
Just kidding.
But did anybody get a chance?
You can just throw it in the chat,
you know, that you looked at your Jesus Cares board,
you noticed some prayers got answered
on the Jesus Care board.
Maybe you decided that there were some other things
that you needed to add, you know.
And I also prompted you ladies
that if there was something on your Jesus Cares board
that hadn't got answered yet,
to be speaking to the Holy Spirit
and asking what is some steps of action
to partner with God in those plans
for him to come and move, okay?
And so remember, faith requires action, okay?
We wanna put feet on our prayers.
There's, cool, cool, cool.
Okay, someone's asking about where is the Jesus Cares Board?
So your Jesus Cares Board would have been introduced
in phase one in the heart work.
And usually I believe I'm starting to go
through the heart work material myself again.
I believe it's within the second week,
first or second week.
So Janine, if that, you may need to go back
into the heart work stuff and go through those weeks
and see if there's anything that says Jesus Cares.
And so that is what the Jesus Cares Board is.
And so you'll often hear Jackie talk
about Jesus Cares Boards, okay?
It's something that you will always want to continue using.
You know, I recently just pulled mine out
from the back part of my closet.
I had it up and hanging when I was living in Florida
and then I got married and moved
and it never got really unpacked from my closet.
So I pulled it out.
I was like, okay, I'm gonna start this fresh.
So now it's sitting in my bedroom up against the wall.
And my goal is for myself and my husband
to kind of personally, both of us do our own things,
but then also as a husband and a wife
and a family to be able to do it.
We kind of did something similar with my kids
in regards to our trusting the Lord
to help us out financially with some of the debt
that kind of just came with some spiritual warfare
at the beginning of our marriage.
It's the only way that I can explain it
because neither my husband or myself had any debt
going into the marriage.
And then just the enemy was coming
and just lighting bombs up.
And we got some lessons learned out of it.
It grew us as a family and as a couple.
But so that's what that Jesus Cares Board is about.
So I prompted ladies to look at that next week.
And so for this week,
I really want you focusing on Supernatural Saturday.
I really want you coming and sharing
and make a post about what spoke to you.
Okay, I'll be honest.
It's a tough one, but it's a good tough.
It's like tough love.
All right, Jackie gets really real, okay?
And I'll be honest.
There were things that she said
that I got a little triggered by,
like a little angry, got a little offended.
But again, I know Jackie well enough
that I'm like, this is, again, offense is a heart thing.
And I'm like, oh, I need to go to the Lord with that.
Why am I feeling a little uneasy about this?
Why I'm a little on edge about it?
Why does this irritate me a little bit?
So just know that can happen and it's totally normal.
But it's really good.
I'm gonna go back and listen and really sit
and take some notes and see what Holy Spirit
is speaking to me.
And so I'm gonna encourage you ladies to do the same.
A lot of times I'll listen to it and just process it.
And then I'll go back and watch a second time
and then process and write things out.
So that might be something that some of you ladies
might want to adopt and try out.
It's helpful for me.
So just think about doing that.
And then I also want you ladies to be taking this time
in this phase to go do something fun in your life
and let us know about it.
You know, this phase isn't just about dating.
I know we talk a lot about dating
and we give you some guardrails for dating
and what that can look like now
with a healthier healed heart.
But a lot of what this phase is about is about discovery.
And it's about discovering more about yourself.
Okay, you're gonna discover more about guys
and learn a little bit more about what you like
and what you don't like and learn a little bit more
and see them more as human beings
and not just can they fit a role of being,
you know, can they check the box of husband or not?
Okay, you're gonna discover more about them
and about God's creation, you know,
that men actually are a gift, but so are us women.
So you're gonna learn a lot more about yourself too.
And so I really wanna encourage you ladies
to get out and go do something fun.
Like what sparks joy in you?
What brings that fruit of the spirit out in you?
What things do you do that exude kindness
and peacefulness and gentleness and, you know,
self-control and, you know, what makes you you?
Because believe it or not,
each one of you ladies have the fruits of the spirit.
And so let's tap into that more.
let's really get out and enjoy yourself. I know I love seeing this week Elaine posted,
you know, just so much. She had beautiful pictures, made me miss Florida.
She's got to spend time with her daughter and her granddaughter. And, you know, she got stood
up on a date, but she took this beautiful photo of the sunset and she enjoyed herself.
You know, it's sucky when we get stood up, but if we change our perspective and say,
okay, well maybe that's just me being God defended and God wants to do something else
and he still wants me to enjoy life and he teaches us something through that.
She had a really great experience with that. She focused more on what opportunity and growth was
there than the icky negative feelings. And that's huge growth. All right. I don't know about you,
but you know, sometimes it's, I need to check in myself. I can look at a situation. I can think
about all the negativity, but sometimes I just need to be reminded, like really how important
was that? What is God actually doing in this situation right now? How can he upgrade me?
Y'all are here for an upgrade. Y'all are in this program for an upgrade.
Okay. So things to be thinking about this week. I got some messages in the chat.
Ladies, I'm going to open the floor for questions before I do that. I'm looking at the chat, but I'm
also going to give you ladies the gentle reminder to keep things short, brief and powerful. I know
last week we kind of got out of hand a little bit. I'm just as guilty of it. But if you could
come with your question at the beginning and then maybe give me no more than one to two minutes of
your backstory, we can get, because then I can ask you questions involving your question and get more
information if I need it. But I really want to make sure that we allow the time for everyone to
get their questions answered. Okay. I always try to do my best. We typically try to end the call
at, let's see, it's one o'clock Eastern for most of you. So we typically try to end it by 2.15. It
would be 1.15 my time here in Central. Occasionally I do allow us to go a little 10, 15 minutes over,
but I really like to be respectful of everybody's time. So I'm just asking you ladies to partner
with me on that and keeping things short, brief and powerful. Okay. So yeah, some people
were looking at their Jesus Cares board. That's awesome. Oh, so that's good, Mary. You filled it
up with all the things I'm pretending to be in my life. And so I'm guessing you're referencing
Supernatural Saturday and Jackie talks about, you know, what are we pretending that we don't know
or pretending that we want, but we're not acting on it.
You know, and so that really spoke to me as well. So I'm glad that helped you.
Thank you, Mary. Yes. Jesus Cares board is in week one. Okay. Perfect. Perfect. Emily,
I love that you had a pedicure. That is a good, good thing. And yes, Mary, you booked a spa day
for yourself. Ladies, it's just go out and have fun, pamper yourself, enjoy yourself.
It is good for you. And who doesn't want some cute toes for the summer? Like go get yourself
a pedicure. That's one thing I've had to learn to embrace. I'm like, I can just do it myself.
I don't need to go spend money on a pedicure. My husband's like, go get a pedicure. Like that's
something that he likes to make sure that I do for myself. It's what something he's like, no,
I want you to go do this for yourself. Um, you know, he's, he's the breadwinner of the family.
So I'm always like, I don't want to spend a bunch of money, especially if, you know,
we're trying to get some things that paid off, but you know, he, he's my balance. He's my
counterbalance. He's my complimentary opposite. I'm the saver. He's the spender. So we both need
each other in our lives. So just know ladies, as you get out dating, you're not going to probably
marry someone that genetically like you, there's going to be some opposite, some things that they
do that. You're like, why do they even do that? But I assure you there, there is things there's
polar opposites and you don't really want to get involved in polar opposites,
but there is something called complimentary.
opposites where areas that you're weak in,
they're strong in.
Areas that you're strong in, they're weak in.
And so that just helps everything, okay?
Awesome, continuing to see more of you on camera.
That's awesome.
I got two hands raised.
I know there's more, so go ahead and get your hands raised.
Elaine, I'm gonna take Sandy
because Sandy, I didn't get to touch with her last week.
She was one of the girls that didn't get to go.
And so I'm gonna go Sandy, Elaine, and Mary,
and then anybody else, throw your hands up, okay?
Any of your questions, any question, okay?
It doesn't have to be about dating.
It can be about the program.
It can be about, you know, heartwork stuff.
It can be about whatever you want it to be, okay?
Share, be vulnerable.
Let us know who you are, what's going on, okay?
Sandy, how are you?
I had a rough week last week.
I feel like it was a lot of like,
do you know when growth happens,
it like is stretching and it sucks.
So I had such a hard week that even come Sunday,
I like walked into church and just started crying,
which is so crazy.
Like I, that happens sometimes.
But what basically, you know,
that guy I was talking to you about
that I went on a date with,
I wasn't immediately interested.
And I did the, it's not, I did the whole,
it's not, it's yes until to no.
So we went on this second date.
After I put in the chat that I was questioning things,
I felt like he was rushing things.
Like he was putting a lot of pressure on me
to like speed things up.
And it was making me uncomfortable,
which normally passed me before unhealed me.
What if I'm like, I used to be a jumper.
Like I would jump right in head first.
So now I'm trying to be conscious and intentional.
And we scheduled a date for Friday.
He said, let's meet at six.
I was planning for six.
I was getting ready.
He texted me at five and said, can we do 530?
And I was like, no, no, I'm nowhere near ready.
Like I'll try.
I basically said, I will try,
but it's not like I'm planning for six.
So I showed up at 555, not even late.
And he'd been sitting there waiting on me like I was late
and had already ordered food for the table,
like ordered food for us.
And I have dietary restrictions and I'm just picky.
So I immediately got so just like uncomfortable.
I'm like, no.
I was like, please tell me you didn't order for me.
And he goes, yeah, I ordered two rolls.
I thought you would like that.
And I was like, I don't know a single woman
who would enjoy that.
But I, and he was like,
well, I was trying to do a nice thing.
Like I was sitting here waiting for you.
I'm like, okay, you said six.
I'm here before six.
I'm like, it's okay.
It's not a big deal.
It's fine.
And he was like, well,
if you want to order something else, you can.
So now that made me feel like I was being unreasonable
by wanting to order my own roll.
Finally, after like 15 minutes of me
trying to like whatever he ordered,
it had to like, the stuff that he ordered had mayo in it.
I have a dairy intolerance and I'm weird with mayo.
I feel like sometimes it is okay and sometimes it kills me.
So I was trying to eat it.
I finally ordered my own roll.
And he starts like, like kind of interrogating me,
asking me if I was interested in it.
He said, he said, based off the signs so far
of what I'm getting from you,
I don't think you're interested.
And I just felt like he was putting a lot of pressure on me.
And then he'd said at one point,
I feel like you just are dating because you like to date
and you don't actually want to meet your husband
and have something serious.
So I walked away from that date,
just feeling, I don't know, conflicted and confused.
And I was like, okay, whatever,
I'll give him another chance.
But then Supernatural Saturday happened
and Jackie was like, what are you ignoring
that you already know?
And what came to mind was,
I feel like I've been, I don't want to say slumming it,
but I feel like I've been slumming it,
dating these guys that I already know I'm not interested in,
that I already know I don't like,
because I am struggling to have faith
that God's going to give me what I do want.
Because I feel like it's like up here
and I'm dating like way down here.
To where it's like embarrassing to tell my friends
who I'm going on dates with,
because they're like, what are you doing?
It's like that bad.
So I sent him the text that you told me to send,
that you had said, like, I basically did that.
As soon as, I'm sitting at Dutch Bros,
as soon as I sent it, he like walked up at Dutch Bros.
I'm not kidding.
Oh my gosh.
I was sitting there with my friend,
I'm like, okay, I'm going to send a text.
Was this the message like,
hey, I just don't see this going anywhere romantically?
Yes.
And I'm so like, you were so kind and so thoughtful.
I wish you the best in finding your person.
And we were like sitting there,
I was typing it with my friend.
We're talking about it.
I hit send and he's like, he walks up to Dutch Bros.
He's like, hi Sandy.
And I,
I went like, uh, and he went to grab his drink and I quickly unsent it, but I don't know
if he saw it, but I was panicking.
And then when he left, I went home and I sent it again.
And he said, based off how you treated me today, I think the same thing.
I was like, okay, I didn't do anything.
I said, hi.
You know?
So I don't know.
There's a lot of things here.
Okay.
And so we've built a rapport with one another.
Do you, do you give me permission to tell you hard things?
Yes.
Tell me all of the things, please.
Okay.
So some of you ladies, you're going to, you're, this is what you're going to see.
And again, you ladies, I want you to know, like, I do this all out of love.
Okay.
One thing that I want to put, like, I know the week prior you had a good week and then
there's that growth week and there's the stretching and the hard week.
So yeah, ladies, that will come.
I think if you guys go back to heartwork and remind yourselves of like, there's, I think
it's like that week three that gets just really like intense.
I remember that because after I did that, I remember just being like full on rage because
when you open a wound to clean out a wound, especially a wound that's super infected,
like it hurts it, there's some infection that has to come out.
All right.
So when you do some surgery, some of that growth, like it's not always like great.
Okay.
Um, so it's not uncommon for all of a sudden you're like, Oh, I had a great, great week.
Things are happening.
And then all of a sudden just, it kind of gets a little hard because you're growing
into this new identity, this new way of looking at things.
Okay.
And so one, I want to applaud you for going on the second date and giving it a try and
doing the, it's a yes until it's a no.
A couple of things that I do want you to spend some time with Holy Spirit on.
Okay.
We do open you ladies up to date people that you normally wouldn't date.
Okay.
We don't want you to have all these lists.
We want you to give opportunity to people.
Okay.
And so Sandy's doing that, but she's really starting to realize like, I just know I don't
like these guys.
So I want you to spend some time.
What about them?
Do you not like our, is their personality just, you know, not compatible with
yours?
Are they dorky?
Are they critical?
Are they, are they just ugly?
I mean, all of the above, I would say.
Okay.
So you're allowed to give yourself some, again, you're allowed to give yourself some guardrails.
Okay.
What, what do I like?
What do I not like?
Okay.
I, let's just take probably something that's most people at one point in their, in their
life.
They probably can relate to the looks thing, being physically attracted to somebody.
Okay.
We all want to marry some of that.
We really are physically attracted to, right.
Okay.
That used to be a big thing for me.
All right.
I was really vain, believe it or not.
Like I, it, it was bad.
I started allowing myself, this was pre-heartwork.
I was like, well, all the good looking men that I date treat me like garbage.
So I guess I just don't care.
And so there was a guy that I worked with super overweight, like unattractive overweight,
but he had a great personality.
And so I convinced myself, well, looks don't matter.
I'm going to go for the funny guy.
I'm going to go for the charismatic guy.
And then y'all, I got freaking irritated because he wasn't a good guy either.
And then I was mad at myself because I dated the overweight guy that just was sloppy looking
and, you know, didn't care about himself, you know, like it just didn't matter.
So I had to be like, okay, I don't need a number 10.
I don't need a supermodel, but I'm also not going to go for the number, like the guy that
I'm like repulsed by.
All right.
And I say this, okay, and my husband, when I first saw him, he wasn't a 10, y'all.
He wasn't.
I wasn't a 10, okay?
Like, but I began to really invest because now I had heart work.
I had been in this program and I started getting out and dating and discovering what
What qualities and characteristics did I really enjoy about men?
And that's what I was looking for.
Now when I saw my husband, I was like, he looks fun, he looks outgoing, he looks like
he can be the life of a party.
He looks like he doesn't take life too seriously, but in his profile, it did show that he had
some seriousness, like there were certain things that he was grounded in and I really
value that.
Now he had a dad bod, but I was a mom, I wasn't like a 20 year old spring chicken like I once
was.
I've got cellulite, I've got stretch marks, I've got a little junk in the trunk, you know?
Women we can hide it well, men don't always hide that well, but there was other qualities
that I was intrigued to get to know him more.
So that's what that yes is until it's a no.
It's being open to the idea of just getting to know someone to discover what do you like,
what do you not like, what do you appreciate, what qualities and characteristics do you
like in men, what attracts you to them.
And if you start seeing there's certain things that someone has that's not there, you're
not a bad person.
That's when you're like, I just don't see this going anywhere romantically.
I wish you the best of luck.
Now what I do, I want to unpack a little bit more.
I know I'm taking a lot of time here.
I hope this helps a lot of you, okay?
And this is where I'm going to get a little, I'm going to rip a bandaid off of you, Sandy.
This situation where he showed up early and you're like, no, I can't do that.
That was good.
You were like, look, you were going to try to consider it, but you're like, no, I really
can't.
I'm not even close to ready.
I will be there as close as I can, but I'm planning on six.
Now he was saying, hey, I'm here.
Can we make it earlier?
It sounds like he was probably hungry, maybe he hadn't eaten all day.
It's probably why he ordered the food because he needed something to eat.
He was probably trying to do something nice and considerate.
Now did his body language show some irritation?
Possibly.
Were you possibly feeling irritated?
Because you're still telling me that you're not even sure you're really truly sure you
like him, right?
You're just like kind of on this like, but I let him pick the date and the time I let
him put in all of it.
And so he, by him changing it and like, I understand if he's hungry, like he ordered
an appetizer, but he, an appetizer is one thing, but he ordered for me.
Yeah.
And then I got food for you trying to be a gentleman.
Okay.
I'm not saying that he didn't like, he did make the time and the date and you said, no,
I'm not going to.
And that's fine.
What he decides to do and how he chooses that's on him.
But you did nothing wrong there.
Okay.
So if he's offended, that's his offense.
Now what I will say is that his offense sparked offense in you and then you started getting
defensive.
Yeah.
All right.
You got defensive.
Guess what?
He got more defensive.
So do you see how it's about what I want this opportunity to help you with is one, I want
you to spend time.
I don't want you to be like, Oh, I'm not going to give just guys.
I wouldn't think had a chance, a chance.
I don't want you to take that off the table.
Maybe give yourself some guidelines and some guardrails there.
But I also want you to embrace this opportunity is someone else's offense.
You don't have to pick up.
Look, try to find gold.
Oh, I really don't like that.
He ordered for me.
I have dietary restrictions, whether he knew that or not.
You might have told him that, but ladies, sometimes men don't have great memories.
My husband is like the worst person at remembering things.
It drives me crazy.
Y'all like he has a horrible memory and I'm like, I just told you that like, like, honey,
I just got done explaining this to you.
Okay.
So if you had dietary restrictions and he knew it, he probably forgot or he's trying
to do a nice thing and he's hungry and he's like, okay, maybe this way when she gets here,
she'll have something to eat.
I'm trying to get something for that.
I think she likes instead of getting defensive about it.
I would encourage you to say.
Hey, I really appreciate this nice gesture.
Unfortunately, I have some dietary restrictions
and that's not appealing to me.
I actually have to find something
that doesn't have mayo in it, and this does.
Sometimes it agrees with me and sometimes it doesn't.
Would it be okay if I ordered something else?
And he would have probably been like,
oh my goodness, I didn't think about that, I'm so sorry.
Yes, please order whatever it is that you want, okay?
A good man would do that, right?
Now, if he's still offended and being a butthead,
then you get your answer, right?
Yeah.
But I wanna encourage you,
instead of taking someone's offense and then pulling it
and then now it's your offense now,
and then now you get this defensiveness,
because then you probably got sharp with him,
read his stuff, right?
Got sharp, guess what he did?
He met you right where you were at.
No, I tried really hard to be nice.
I tried to hide the fact that I was dying inside,
but I think it's just
because I also have control issues that I'm working on,
which was so highlighted when I sat there,
and I felt like I was for sure being tested
on how to be nicer, less go with,
I felt like I was being tested by Holy Spirit.
How are you gonna handle this?
And it was definitely, I sat there and tried to be kind.
I don't know how good at hiding my feelings I was.
I feel like my face tells everything,
but it's a great learning experience for next time
to give somebody else more grace, for sure.
And that's what I'm saying, ladies, these opportunities,
like this guy is not your spirit mate.
Yeah.
And you know that, but you know what?
God's gonna use each one of these situations
to bring something out in you.
He's gonna give you,
you have an opportunity to upgrade or to stay stuck.
Which one do you want?
Do you wanna unpack this more?
Do you wanna spend time with Holy Spirit?
Do you wanna really get to the root of,
you know, why do I feel this need for control?
Why do I feel defensive when people are doing something?
Like, why am I upset when someone wants to change time?
Like, start asking Holy Spirit these good questions
and see what surfaces.
And you're not gonna get all the answers right away.
It might take a few more different dates
of bringing this out
and giving you new perspective of things, right?
Ladies, that's what this whole opportunity is about.
This is what this phase is all about.
It's, again, it's discovering more about yourself.
What areas can you get some more healing from?
Okay?
So Sandy, thank you so much.
And ladies, I appreciate you all allowing us
to take time to kind of dig into that.
I really felt like it was good stuff.
And again, Sandy's always a great sport.
She lets me pick on her.
She knows I mean this in love,
or at least I hope you know I mean everything in love.
All right, Elaine, Mary,
and then I've got Michelle, Vern, and Tina,
and Amaka, Amika.
I'm gonna butcher your name.
I'm so sorry.
Correct me.
It's the first one, Amaka.
Amaka, okay.
Thank you for correcting me.
I just wanna make sure,
because I am not great at names.
I am phonetically challenged.
All right, Elaine, short, brief, powerful.
What's your question?
And let's go.
I'll try to be short, brief.
Feel free to cut me off.
Feel free to tell me anything.
I'm open to that.
So a week ago, I was like,
I totally don't wanna do a dating thing.
I just hate it.
I hate online dating, blah, blah, blah.
So I'm an all or nothing person.
I decided, all right, let's just do it.
I tried two Christian dating sites.
They were absolute disaster.
Quit in one day.
That's a whole other story.
And then I was encouraged to try Facebook.
So I'm like, really, Facebook?
But anyway, I was kind of overwhelmed
with just like, I don't know if you go on there
and you just get a landslide of like so many people.
And I felt like I needed to answer and everything.
But my way of dealing with it is
if they didn't say in their profile something about,
I'm a Christian, God's first,
I would just, they might look interesting,
but I just kept saying, nope, I'm not gonna.
And I found probably 10 people
that I started having conversations with.
I've never dated a Christian man.
Okay, so my idea of what that should look like
is probably really just cute.
I mean, I grew up in a Christian family.
My dad and mom are like still married, love each other.
I think I have these maybe weird ideas.
The first person I dated said spiritual,
they were not Christian, had an awesome date.
I mean, it was really great.
We had good conversation and he wanted to see me again
and then I left thinking, oh no, of course,
he's great and he's not a Christian
and now what do I do to discourage him
from wanting to see me again?
And so the next one, Christian guy,
he's the one that blew me up.
He didn't blow me up.
It was kind of a miscommunication thing
where I had an awesome night and I was like,
phew, I didn't really wanna go on this date anyway.
I had an amazing evening.
Next day, it was today, I was having anxiety
because we did talk about God and everything.
I just had this thick feeling.
I said, Lord, just make it not work out
if it's not meant to be.
Sure enough, didn't work out.
And I was like, phew, I don't know what that means
about me being relieved when I don't have to go on a date.
But I'm having a lot of conversations
with this one guy, he's Christian.
I kind of had to stop him after 10 minutes
and say, we could talk about God all day long.
I can see that.
Let me hear a little bit more about you.
Good, that's awesome.
Yeah, so then he's like, oh yeah,
and he starts telling me about himself
and I just, I divorced a real intellectual,
somebody that would just wanna tell you,
he knew something about everything.
And this guy was reminding me of that,
like he's very knowledgeable
and this and this and this and that
and kind of wants to tell me
and how he can fix, if I say something,
he'll be like, oh, give me a whole thing
of how he can fix that.
And I'm like, all right, I'm ready to cut and run right now.
Yes.
But he's, so I'm just.
Some things are coming up, okay?
And so I don't wanna get completely
and if we need to follow up, we can.
One about the online thing, the dating, okay?
Ladies, I encourage you ladies to try at least two,
if not three different types of sites, okay?
Facebook dating, we have so many success stories from that.
I did that, that's the one I felt more enjoyable
than anything else.
But by all means, you all have your own,
you get choices in this, okay?
But I will encourage you to stick it out a little bit
or if you're like, okay, this is not,
I'm not feeling this one,
be open to moving to something else,
which is what Elaine did.
She tried two and she's like, this is not working out.
So she jumped on Facebook dating.
And I do like that, you get to set the parameters,
you get to decide how you operate the dating site.
So if you start off and like, okay, this is overwhelming,
I can only engage with people that mention
some sort of God or relationship on a spiritual level.
That's fine.
Now, what I will say, if some of you ladies do that
and you feel like it's pulling teeth
to get some dates, you may want to take that down
and be interested in learning about people
that intrigue you that might not put that on their profile.
What I will say, what I've heard Jackie talk about
because she coaches men too, she has men that are clients,
there are some, I'm not saying all Christian men do this,
some Christian men do not put that they're Christian
on their profiles.
I'm not saying all of them do that,
but there are occasional,
there is a small portion of them that don't.
And their reason for that is because when they do it,
they get an infiltration of Christian women
quickly wanting to talk about marriage.
So sometimes, so I would say, if you're like,
okay, I'm wanting to get more of a diversity,
I wanna get to know people
and see the intriguingness of them,
be open to that, okay?
But I like that this is how you're balancing
what you're experiencing, and that's good.
For me personally, I didn't swipe unless they mentioned God.
If they at least put on there, like it says religion,
and then it's like Christian.
If they didn't put that there, I didn't swipe.
So there's so many that check off Christian
that I don't even do that.
They have to like mention it in their profile.
But I feel like I attract, I mean, I'm a fun love,
like I don't.
No, I have a personality that can tend to attract people that just like,
let's just have fun, let's go do this, this, and that.
And then I don't know that I'm going to be able to, um, deter them.
And, and, and so I'm trying to put it out right away.
I'm like, my faith is very important to me.
I know some people don't read, you know, profiles.
Um, but I just, um, I guess I could say, and that's what, and we, we
talk to you ladies about like, if it comes up naturally and organically
in conversation, like talk about it.
I did that with a lot of guys I dated.
I didn't go into the story and ask them like, what's your
testimony, what are your beliefs?
I mean, I didn't come at those questions when they asked me questions.
I filtered my faith in my answers.
And sometimes that would spark conversation from them.
Not always, but sometimes.
Okay.
And that's why I love you also shared that with the one guy you guys were
talking and you're like, okay, we could talk about God all day, but
let's have some fun questions.
Let's really get to know each other.
Ladies, that's healthy because what can happen is when we
desire a godly man as a, as a husband, we can get this fantasy.
If the guy can talk the talk, he must walk the walk.
And y'all, I fell into that trap with my son's father.
I believed he was a man of God.
I believed he was a Christian.
He went to church.
We even went church together, y'all.
And that didn't happen.
It once we got now, again, I was not making good choices.
Okay.
Obviously I was never married to him and I had a child.
Okay.
If that, that tells you something, all right, but it was, we
were being pulled away from God.
And now like, I can tell that he's not a godly man.
I mean, my son even questions, like, does he believe in God?
I'm like, yeah, that's something that you're going to have to ask him, honey.
And you know, he'll tell his son, oh yeah, yeah, we do, but they don't
have a relationship with the Lord.
So I want you to keep that in mind.
So, you know, in the beginning stages, yes, we want to know that they have
some knowledge, some understanding, a relationship with the Lord, be okay
to surrender the process a little bit and allowing God to kind of reveal
himself in that situation and that relationship.
Can I, can I say one more thing?
Yes, absolutely.
Um, a couple of yellow flags came up.
I, I got this kind of impression that he's a bit negative now.
My ex-husband used to always, everything I said, he had to counter it.
He had to debate it.
So I just, I got some of that.
And then he even said, I've been, I've been, um, um, people have told
me I'm, I'm negative and skeptical.
I'm like, I don't do negative and skeptical.
Well, so, I mean, he said that.
And I'm like, it's probably more than a little bit if he's
actually right up front saying.
Yeah.
And he is, he is kind of doing a bit of that.
Like, Oh, I don't, I'll mention something.
And he's like, Oh, I'm one up me.
And I'm like, yeah, I mean, there's, there's definitely some things
that you want to keep an eye out for.
I think God is giving you an opportunity to kind of go a little deeper in your
healing, because that was another thing.
I'm glad you brought that back up is ladies.
When someone reminds you of a former spouse or former relationship, there's
probably some hard work that needs to go into it.
Okay.
There's some areas of healing.
So you brought up, you know, your, your, your former husband was an intellect.
And so there are certain things that you have kind of maybe aligned
with and started believing.
And so that is when you see that surface, there's going to be a fear there.
So I would encourage you to spend some time processing through like,
what bothered you about it?
What do you believe about it?
And do you align everybody that might model that to that behavior?
And it's a new area of healing.
Not unless they come out and invalidate everything.
Like when I say something just always, I mean, I don't know, do people just do that?
I got so used to it.
Like I say something, well, what about this?
You should think of it this way, dah, dah, dah.
So that it just.
So, yeah.
When we get triggered by people not validating us or there's an invalid feeling,
that's a heart thing with us where it's, it's to me, that's tied with our identity.
Okay.
and our worth and our value.
And so again, it's processing that with the Lord
is where do you get your identity from?
Okay, that's coming up in my life all over the place now.
Yeah, and so it's, you know,
yes, we want people that we care about
and we, you know, enjoy being around.
We want them to feel like they're partnering with us.
We want them, you know, we wanna feel like
we're significant to them and they're significant to us.
Like we want that validation, we want that.
But when it becomes a,
I'm not getting what I want from them,
they're not validating me the way I want to be
and then it makes you feel a certain way,
that's where that's the identity thing.
Not everyone is going to validate us.
There's times my husband doesn't always validate me.
I mean, he does a lot of the times,
but there's things where I'm like,
he doesn't have to agree with me all the time.
He doesn't have to.
And I don't have to take offense to it.
I just know it.
And him not agreeing with me on one thing
or not validating me on something
does not measure his love for me
or measure the love I have for myself.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, this was a dad thing, so I have to deal with that.
Yeah, I would say these types of things
are probably surfacing because there's a deeper
heart healing that the Lord wants you to discover.
And so it's spending time with him.
And ladies, this is good things to unpack
because dating is going to do this.
Be prepared for some of this stuff to surface.
And it doesn't have to be scary.
We're here on your side.
Like I said, we're your cheerleaders.
We're here to walk it through with you.
There's, you know, I went through all sorts of stuff.
I go through even stuff now.
We're here to come alongside you and partner with it, okay?
So thank you so much, Elaine.
All right, we're going to get through.
I'm going to probably have to extend my time
just a little bit because we got more.
And I want to allow time for you ladies.
All right, Mary, short, brief, powerful, please.
Yeah, absolutely.
Because I actually think you've already answered
some of my questions.
Okay, good.
See, that's even better when some of those things
answer themselves for other people.
Well, since last week, there was a man
that has been in touch with me who lives one hour away,
which is really good because last week,
some men from Argentina were getting in touch
and I'm all the way in Scotland,
so not very close to Argentina.
But this man is interesting
because he actually looks a bit like my ex-husband.
And that's not overly bothering me,
but it keeps kind of coming up
every time I look at his picture.
And it's basically just communicating
on Christian Connection dating website at the moment.
And he seems interested in me
and he's asking things about me.
And then last night, he sent me a song.
It was a Hillsong worship song.
And that was the first time he kind of brought
kind of God into things over the last few days,
which I liked because he-
Have you had a video date with him yet?
Not yet, no.
So it's only been a few days.
So I kind of, he actually sent me a message today
saying he was having a hot shave today
and because he has a beard.
So I asked him, is your beard gone?
Let's have a video call.
I want to see your beard.
I didn't say that.
Okay, good.
Oh, I haven't said that, but I wanted to say that,
but I'm kind of-
Definitely, I do want to encourage you,
especially when we got the long distance
and especially when men are starting to send us things
that especially that entice our spiritual, like intimacy,
I want you making sure
that you're getting face-to-face connection.
So we don't fall into this infatuation
with the idea that you're actually in front of them.
Is it possible, excuse me for just a minute,
I realized my computer is about to die
and I need to plug it.
Oh, is it possible for him to come and visit you?
Sorry, I didn't hear you, Carla.
Is it possible for him to come and visit you?
Yeah, it would be because he lives one hour.
We live one hour apart.
One hour.
Okay, good.
Yeah, definitely get that video chat with him
sooner rather than later.
And then if within the three weeks,
if you could try to figure out a way for y'all to meet up.
Yeah.
Okay, I kind of cut you off.
I want to make sure I got your question though.
No, definitely, definitely.
Because it was bizarre
because after I sent a message last night,
I had a dream that Jackie came to my house
and was talking to me.
to me about it, about leaving the past behind and things. So it was very interesting.
That's one thing I also see again, like I write these things down and I need to kind of go back.
When you were sharing about this man looking very similar to your former husband, like,
and I had just kind of talked with Elaine about, I want you to start asking yourself and processing
what feelings surface when that thought comes. Yeah. And let's, let's make sure there's your
healing there. Okay. Cause believe it or not, ladies, like men are going to remind you of
formers. Like that will happen. Y'all like, even it's, it even reminds me of a time, like not even
about relationships, but a little insider info. My husband is widowed. Okay. And so he was in
a marriage. It was a very toxic marriage. They were married for 11 years before she passed.
She had some mental health conditions. It was a really toxic marriage. And so there was stuff that
he worked through and heals through. But obviously I have two bonus children, like that had a mother,
an earthly biological mother. And my daughter misses her dearly. Like she had a bond with her.
And so I encourage, I mean, I never am like, I'm going to replace your mom. Like that's just not
going to happen. But I'm now your, your mom here on earth. You have a mom in heaven. You have a mom
here on earth and she has pictures of her. Okay. And at first I was like, it was fine, but then
it would rub me the wrong way. Believe it or not, there was a woman that I was coaching in this
community. This was like over a year ago, her photo came up on the zoom and she looked exactly like my
husband's late wife. And you know, like God had to work on me in that because it was something
that God was revealing to me that I needed to work on what my feelings were in regards to
this woman who was married to my husband and was my children's mother.
There was some stuff I had to sort through within my heart. So don't be surprised when
people will remind you of someone, use it as an opportunity to ask the Lord,
is this happening? Because I need to heal something like what feelings are surfacing.
Maybe they're good feelings. And then that's just, that's good. Maybe it's some scare,
fearful and anxious feelings. Then let's address that too. Thank you. Good.
Yes, it is. Dating is hard work continued. Yes, yes, yes. All right. Michelle,
Vern, Tina. And then I'm going to butcher your name again. I'm going to Amaka.
Okay. Got it. Okay. Michelle, she's coming on camera. Hey girl.
Yeah. Well, I don't have any questions to ask yet. But I do want it. I wanted to share something
I thought that I did that was really good that I know I need more help. One. The other day I
had gone into the bakery. And I noticed a guy pulling up in a beautiful car. And I'm like,
oh, that's a beautiful car. I went to reach for the door to get inside the bakery.
And the guy said, Hey, no, let me. And I was, I know I'm like, Ooh, is he my husband? No,
just kidding. Hey, it's nice. I thought it was nice to it. It's been such a long time since
that's happened. And so I said, well, thank you. And I walked in. I had just come from working out.
So I looked a hot mess. So lesson learned, you could still be cute working out. So now I got
to fix myself as I go to work out because you just never know who you might meet. So that was
one lesson that I learned. After he opened the door, I turned around. I'm like, Oh, I like this
tall glass of milk right here. Like he looked good to me. And so I thanked him. I said, wow,
people don't really do that anymore. I really appreciate that. He mentioned something, you know,
this generation, they don't, they're not privy. They don't know to open the door for a lady.
And then after he said that, he escorted me like to place my order, but I didn't,
I needed to see what if they had any gluten-free scones. I didn't know. I said, um, thank you,
but I'm not quite ready yet. And then he placed his
order. And I think he would have paid for it. Like he took his wallet out to pay for
it, but I took too long. It was okay. And then he just stood there and I had, I laughed
at myself. I'm like, Jesus, what else am I supposed to say? I had nothing else, but anyway,
that was that, that was good. I love it. So this reminds me, it's just a reminder of something
that we coach you ladies to do. And sometimes we'll do it as an activation is to start practicing
smiling at men. Yeah. Practice smiling at them. I'll ask them for help. Let them open
doors for you. And you're right. That does not happen often. Y'all I don't, I think it's
a Texas thing. Okay. Not that it didn't happen to me in Florida, but apparently in Texas
and this, my husband will tell you it is a Texas thing that men in Texas are taught to
open doors for women. And I'm like, is it just in Texas? But I mean, to the point, like
I am not allowed to open the car door and like, sometimes I have to get in the hot car
and I'm like, okay, honey, you're gonna have to walk faster over to this part because it
is hot and you need to start it because it's blazing here in Texas. But yeah, like that
doesn't happen often. And, and you'll be surprised, like it will spark men. Like you'll see the
joy that they get from being able to help out a pretty lady, like smile at them, engage
with them. Um, Michelle, like in the future, don't hesitate to drop a hanky. You know what
that was? I mean, you know, if he was going to pay for you and he didn't, he probably
was trying to, you know, and it's not like you were asking him to pay and you know, you
really were trying to like see what you could order. Um, or, and you could even said like,
I'm not quite ready. I have to, I have to see if they have anything gluten-free. I have
to choose a gluten-free item. Just letting him know that because then maybe it'll be
like, Oh, and then maybe he would have asked the clerk, Hey, what do you, what gluten-free
items do you have? And been able to kind of start spark a conversation. Don't beat yourself
up for not doing it. Okay. Like don't do that. Just lessons learned of don't be afraid
to engage in conversation, which it sounds like you, you were already doing. And then,
um, you know, just say, Hey, are you sticking around? Are you sitting, are you waiting for
somebody? Um, and if he was alone, you'd be like, I'm alone too. Would you mind, um,
joining me after I order? There was someone in the car and I couldn't tell if it was a female
or male, I couldn't tell. And, um, I just let that be like, wow, you actually had a conversation.
That was big for you. Yeah. I was gonna say, take that as a huge win and be,
be mindful of those opportunities and ladies it's, it's okay. If, if a gentleman is doing
something nice and you're intrigued and you want to get to know them more, you know, obviously I
always look to see, okay, do they have a ring? But my husband doesn't wear a ring, you know? Um,
he actually can't wear the metal, like any of the metals that he's allergic to them for whatever.
Um, and we have to get a fitted, like silicone one that fits him better. But you know, if you
see that he doesn't have a ring, you just be like, you know, I apologize if I'm being too forward,
but are you single? And if they're like, no, I'm not single, I'm married or no, I'm like,
oh, okay. You know what? Your, your woman is lucky to have you. You're such a great gentleman.
Like you can, you don't like men don't have to be offended to that. Women do not have to
be offended at like, I'm perfectly fine. If a woman wants to kind of drop a hand to my husband
and my husband just is like, Hey, I am married. Like nothing hurts in asking. I'm not going to
shoot a woman just because she finds that my husband has attracted him. And as a gentleman,
I actually find that appealing. I don't need to take offense to it because I know my husband is
going to leave me. I know he's not going to cheat on me. I know any of that. Okay. That's
security that I have. Okay. But here's the thing. If he is single and he says, yeah, I'm single,
would you mind if I share my number with you? I would love to get to know you better.
I see that you have somebody in the car and I don't want to keep you from them,
but if you ever want to grab coffee, why don't you give me a call?
You see how that, that works. And I know it's scary and it is,
it might take a couple opportunities, you know, missed opportunities.
to build the courage. But I want to give you ladies the encouragement. It doesn't
have to look a certain way. It can be whatever it is. And if there's
certain fears that are coming up again, ladies, this is hard work stuff. If fears
start surfacing at these ideas, maybe it's God giving you an invitation to go
deeper into what that fear is and what God says about it. But Michelle, thank you
so much for sharing. I love it. Thank you. Keep smiling. Keep looking good. Keep
going to the gym. And like, you know, let men open doors for you ladies. Let them
be chivalrous. Because I can guarantee you the more women that allow men to do
that, the more we're gonna see it. I really do believe a lot of it has to do
with women. Women have made men to be the bad guys and we have beaten the man
down so badly that men don't know if they can actually operate in their
divine masculinity anymore. And it takes us women that are in our divine
feminine, which if you haven't watched that video, it's your second video.
Actually, it's the third. Divine feminine. All right? Be okay to step in your divine
feminine so men can operate in their divine masculine. All right? And some of
you might even need to ask yourself, do I even like men? What area does God want
to heal in your heart if you don't like men? And some of you have reasons why you
shouldn't like men. I get it. I had a lot of men treat me really, really poorly. But
I had to heal through that. God had to take me through a lot of healing and
showing me that wasn't his divine masculine. That was men that were coming
from broken places. And I had to let go of that. I had to forgive. And I had to
trust that God had a good man for me. And he brought my husband and he is the most
amazing man on the planet. Like there is not a more perfect man for me than my
husband. And I am grateful that I waited the 40 years for him. It was worth the
wait. It was a hard wait, but it was worth it. All right, Byrne, what you got
for us?
Thank you.
Okay. Hello, this is my first time joining the group.
Welcome.
And I'm really excited. I just want to get some clarity. So I didn't start when
the group started, I guess maybe July 1, or something like that, when when the
group might have started.
We're just continuing. Yeah. So women come in here at all different times. So
we'll have women that will come into this phase next week, and the week after,
and the week after that. So we don't kind of do this cycle, like everybody's on
week one, you all pace videos on your own time. And then here is when you come
to ask all the questions. It can be questions about the first video questions
about the last video on boundaries. It can be a situation that you're
experiencing a heart work thing that's coming up. Maybe it's a family thing.
Maybe it's a kid thing, whatever it is.
Okay. And so the question I was going to ask, because I did go through and look
at I was doing some things last night. And what I want to ask. So when Jackie
said on one of those videos, I was looking at and I think I might have came
in when you said something at the beginning, because I really should be
sleep, I work overnight. So I got to go back to work tonight. But you mentioned
about something about four weeks, then she then she said about the seven day
challenge. And I'm really excited about that, because I'm going to be brave
enough to jump out on social media and put myself out there. I know it's going
to be odd. And when people see that, because you know, they like, wow, I mean,
because I haven't dated in 2019, excuse me, 1996, when my son was born. So I
actually had not been dating on a real in a real date. I've talked to a couple,
but but anyway, so I'm really excited about it. So I wanted to make sure so
right now, we're in the four weeks and we have that challenge going on right
there for the seven dates.
Yeah, there's that seven day challenge. You don't have to finish the seven dates
in order to move into the next phase. Okay, we ask that you are here for a
minimum of four to five weeks that allows you to watch one video per week,
and spend time processing one video at a time. Pray about it, journal it, ask the
Lord to reveal things to you that he wants you to focus on. Come to the live
calls as many as you can. Prayer call Supernatural Saturday, engage in the
community show up. Let us get to know who you
are. And then after four or five weeks, if you feel like, you know what, I feel good. I, you know,
I don't feel like I need to stay here. I can go ahead and move over. Now, most women stick around
longer than four to five weeks. And that's totally fine. Like some women want just a few dates under
their belts to kind of walk through, or they want to, they don't want to date for the first four to
five weeks when they're, you know, watching all the content, they just want to absorb it. They
want to hear other women. They want to learn from it. And then they want to kind of dip their toe
in and go on a date or two, however you want to pace. This is completely up to you. So if you're
excited about the seven day challenge, you let's do that social media. I do it. I think there was
a couple ladies who made the post and they were good, you know, and, and ladies, I know Jackie
talks about a template for the social media thing. There's really not a template in time with Holy
Spirit asking him, what should I say here? All right. I say, keep it short, simple, brief, you
know, let people know, Hey, I'm in, you know, I've been working on myself lately. I'm in this great
community of women and, you know, I have a dating coach and she is encouraged me to be bold and step
out and let the people that I love and care about most know that I am single Pringle ready to mingle.
And, um, you know, if you know anybody that loves Jesus and would be a good match, please just
introduce them to me and be praying for me during this time. Like sometimes it's just getting the
prayers of people. Yeah. Just seeing where it takes you. Okay. Thank you so much. And yes,
I've been in a group since I've been in a group since March. I did all of, you know,
the hard work and all of that. And then I actually met Jackie at, um, the SD experience. Um,
okay. So I've seen photos of you. I'm on there somewhere. I was the one on the boat
at the birthday part that it was actually my birthday during that time. So it really,
it really worked out well. Okay. Thank you so much. Awesome. Oh yes. Ladies always keep an eye
out on that stuff. Always check the resources page. That was really exciting. I remember that
originally that trip was supposed to be in a different country. And I remember looking at me
like, I can't make it to Mexico. Like I had a Mexico trip with my husband prior and I'm like,
there's just no way. And then it got changed to Florida and I was like, dang it. And then it got
sold out super quick. I'm like, dang, I would have loved to an excuse to get myself back to Florida.
For you ladies that don't know, that's originally where I was living. I grew up, I was born and
raised in Indiana. And then in my twenties, I moved to Sarasota, Florida. And I was like,
I'm not leaving Florida. I'm not leaving Florida. I don't, you know, God's going to have a husband
here in Florida for me. I had to surrender the pen. That's why I think it took a little,
little longer for me because there was just, again, I was like Sandy mentioned, you know,
she's, she's got some control issues, ladies. I have control issues. I wanted to control that
so badly. But when I released the pen yeah, my husband dropped into my DMS and I thought he
lived in Florida and he didn't, he lived in Texas, but Jackie was like, you need to venture out.
And I took her advice and my love story was written. So now I'm in Texas, but I, there's
still just, there's a little bit of Florida always going to be part of my heart. So I'm
glad you got to experience it. What a treat. Hey, Tina, how are you? Hi, doing great.
I went on my first date and it went well. We're going to meet, meet again. We have,
we have quite a bit in common. But just a testimony, like I'm going to start crying.
I am so thankful for last year's single in the ministry. Like, I don't know if I ever would have
even tried online dating. I might've, but it would have been horrible. And just, you know,
the support and the context and listening to all these wonderful stories that everybody's sharing.
I'm actually enjoying it, even though it's like a kind of a bleep show. You can go through a lot
of, yeah. And I'm just finding myself just, you know, I'll, I'll see a profile and I'll want to
pray for somebody, you know, I'll X and I'll go to the next guy, but yeah, it has just been super,
super helpful. And even just having like the, the, I guess the, the heart posture and the mindset,
we're just going for coffee. There's no expectations and I get to.
Get out and do some socializing, you know, and if it turns into a second date or more
like
I'm totally fine with that. I've got an open hand and
So, yes, I just want to thank you. It's it's so good. So good
oh, we love we love hearing those testimonies and and
It just warms my heart because I experience the same thing. It's why I do what I do. It's why I'm here
it's why I show up it's why I want to be here because
It it's a blessing it really really is and being able like
Being able to give back to you ladies. What was given to me is
Super powerful and humbling for me. And so, you know this community wouldn't be the community without you Tina
Without anybody, you know without anyone like if you all were not here, it wouldn't be the community
Like we need each other
We help each other grow. We support each other. We lift each other up like Latina said ladies your stories impact
each other
It gives strength in times where we might not feel like we have the strength to do it
It gives us encouragement to be bold to step out in faith to do things that we normally wouldn't do and
That's what's so powerful here. It's it's I'm telling you. It's more than just finding a husband
totally ladies if you
allow yourself
To really embrace and take in and absorb
What can be offered here? You're gonna get
Something so much more valuable than a husband
Don't get me wrong husband's nice
but there's so much fruit here and
when you embrace it and you walk through the process and you just
you know, like I said you absorb it you embrace it you just and you show up and
it it powerful things happen and
I love testimonies like that. I love it when you ladies come on and share with us
What this program has done?
It reminds me what this program's done for me, too
You know and gets me through hard days because believe it or not marriage can sometimes have some challenges
But I remember like it was worth it. It was so so worth it and God can do so many amazing things and
I'm just I'm so thankful for all of you and Tina. I'm so thankful for you sharing that I
Love hearing these stories. I want you to continue to keep letting us know about these dates
Keep us keep us in the loop. All right, always let us know the tea
Yeah, I'm sure. Thank you
All right
Amaka did I do that, right?
Yes
Please let me know if I'm butchering it
Are you so?
Let's definitely get your question. I know we're over time, but I'm gonna I'm gonna allow you the opportunity
Because you've been so patient and I know you've been sharing a lot on the post on the app and about some of your anxious
Attack. Yeah, so I don't know if that's what your questions about
But yeah, it is related for sure. I don't have the best internet. Can you hear me? I can hear you. Yes
I get perfect. It's definitely related
I think the last two weeks is face to my anxiety levels has just been like higher than
I've had in a couple of months
and
Obviously, it's not fun. I don't like it and then I was supposed to hang out with someone today and they had something
So they had to cancel which makes sense. But in that moment, I just thought myself having a meltdown which in hindsight, I'm like
Why that was totally unnecessary
But I found myself thinking oh this person has an avoidant attachment style just like my ex-fiance
and they're not gonna show up and they're gonna like
love you in their own terms and all of that stuff, but
But I don't know like how to heal from that because I thought I had in the heart work
Until now that I'm trying to date again
I'm gonna just start
Pushing some more feelings up, which is totally normal. Okay, I think I shared in one of those posts like I
have experience with the anxious and
Even avoidant I I get the pleasure of having both
I'm both avoidant and anxious. So I have some experience with that for sure
The biggest thing that and I
expressed I think in the in the reply back to you is really spending some time
with Holy Spirit and asking and processing through like what are the
core beliefs that I am feeling like what is coming up with this feeling is making
me believe what you brought up something about a former so it would be
I would I would encourage you to spend some time even you know again asking God
some good questions of like where is this surfacing what am I believing about
relationships what in my past relationship has made me align with this
belief that's causing me fear and anxiety so one thing that I'm kind of
feeling and sensing is you do you feel like you're valuable
honestly I spent some time with the Holy Spirit last night and one of the lies
he revealed to me was I feel deep down that I'm not good enough for someone to
be in a relationship with someone so I wrote that down last night and then I
wrote God's truth and the idea is to read that over myself the next couple of
days but I think that's definitely one of the roots forces of what's happening
and also the relationship I was talking about ended about two months ago and
we're supposed to get married so I don't know if I should be dating yet
because that can take place and I and ladies everybody comes into this phase
at different stages you know and so don't ever feel like if dating is
causing you a lot of fear right now or some things are surfacing it's not
mandatory that y'all are dating in this space all right so spend some time with
Holy Spirit ask them if you know is this something that I'm supposed to be
doing and are some of these feelings of anxiousness starting to surface as
you're getting the idea of dating people and getting out there and being worried
about not being good enough I think it's perfectly normal for you to have this
concern of not feeling like you're worth it because you were engaged and
then that's not happening were you the one that ended it or did he end it
she ended it yeah yeah so yeah I want it's okay to spend some time to process
through that I believe that God wants to show you just how valuable and worthy
you are and it's okay to just sit and go and enjoy life what kinds of things
do you do for yourself what do you like to do I like the spa I like going to the
movies going to the gym food restaurants yeah yeah definitely you know
prioritize doing those things do you have a community of friends that you can
do those things with a couple not a lot but a couple yeah yeah get out get you
know connect with them are you open to expanding your friend group yeah for
sure maybe spend some time focusing on that and grounding yourself and again
asking Holy Spirit to show you where your worth lies and giving you experiences
that actually show you just how valuable you are that you are worth it read
scriptures like Proverbs 31 just comes to mind you know that's the and once you
start speaking that stuff over yourself it's interesting you said because I was
taught Proverbs 31 a lot like in Sunday school and all of our stuff and I just
don't really like that passage because it was kind of thought in a very
interesting way of like women have to do everything they have to hold the home
together that's how I was thought yeah I'm thinking there is some there's some
healing and some revealing that wants to happen here that there's I'm trying
to figure out how I'm going to say this
there are times in our lives whether we were kids or even as adults young
adults, old adults, where sometimes when we're taught Scripture, it's through false lenses.
Either it's, and I don't ever think, a lot of times I don't think pastors mean for it to come
through as a lens. I do think at times the enemy can come in and construed and make us
believe things differently than what they really are. Does that make sense?
Where we get this false understanding of what God actually intended for that Scripture.
So I would encourage you spending some time with that Scripture and really
going to the Lord about what bothers you about it and if that's actually what God means by it.
Yeah. Maybe there's some lies that got placed in there about that Scripture.
Yeah, that's helpful. Have you watched the Divine Feminine video yet?
Yes, I have. I thought it was really helpful. Yeah. Maybe re-listen to that some and really
sit with some of that. Yeah. One of the things you said was asking the Holy Spirit for
experiences that shows my what? What would that look like? Are you talking about spiritual
experiences or natural? When I say that, it's just being open to the invitation of God just
revealing things to you. It's a way that you're asking God, okay God, I need you to speak to me
and so it puts you more on alert to be hearing. I think it's in some content somewhere. It could be
in phase one content where we did a How to Hear from God by Bethany Hicks. So I'm going to have
to look through and see if it should be available to you ladies. I don't think it's in our Love
Story Accelerator content. It might be in the phase one content, but it's for you just to be
in tune and listening for Holy Spirit just to show you things and he'll show you however it
is that he wants it and it will mean something to you and you'll grab hold of it. But it's just
being open. I mean like, okay Lord, I need you to show me. I need you to give me experiences. I need
you to bring to light what my worth is. How do you see me, Lord? I want to see myself through the
eyes that you see me. That's a powerful prayer ladies. I did that early on. I did that. I had
that prayer before I found this community and this community was actually an answer to that prayer
because it was in the heart work that I actually began to start being able to believe
that God had the ability to show me what he thought about me and that it was good.
Yeah, one last thing. Sorry to interrupt. One last thing. I find that in my career,
spiritual life, I don't struggle with that. But in my love dating life, it's different. I
think I struggle a bit more. It's asking God to reveal those roots.
Where do those roots are so that I can get more fruit in this area?
When you went through heart work, did you go through the heart work from your former,
your this walk through like some healing with the engagement ending?
Yeah, I did.
Okay. Did you do anything as far as going back to the roots of your childhood?
Yes.
Yeah. Sometimes that like just spending some time with that as well will be good as well. But
don't feel like you have to rush through this phase. Sit here, soak in it, embrace it.
Don't rush through it. You don't have to rush into dating if you're just like, I need a little
more time to understand what I'm feeling anxious about. And I really think there's something to
this belief of not being worthy. And so I want you to start accepting that you are
and do the baby steps here. Just put the toe in. You don't have to go full force
where it's making
can you want to cut and run? Right? I have experience with
that I was I was I was the cut and run because I too, had some
areas in my identity of not being worthy of things. And once
I sat with it and walk through the process and engaged in this
community, I began to just love myself more and see the value
and knew that there are people out there that would value me
too.
Thank you.
You're welcome. All right, ladies, it's been such a blast
such a pleasure. If I did not get to a question, you didn't
get your hand raised and you had a question, maybe it was in the
chat, definitely post it in the the community app so that we can
see it myself or Ebony can answer it. I quickly see. Yeah,
the Bethany Hicks, I will see if I can't find that again, I it
might be in phase one material. If not, it might be in phase
three. So it might be something and if it's in phase three, and
you all don't have access to it, I'll reach out to Bethany and
see if we can't get that posted. For you all to watch in a
replay, it was probably in a replay somewhere. So I will put
that on my to do's. And ladies, again, such a pleasure. I look
forward to seeing y'all next week. I look forward to seeing
y'all in the app. Make sure you're posting your questions
and your wins and testimonies all of it. We love to hear it.
We love to see it. And then if you can make tonight's call as
well, you can have a double dose. Ebony will be on tonight.
She is a fun person. I know because I've spent time with
her before. She's actually come to my house to visit. She is a
good time. Okay, so if you want to just you don't have anything
planned for tonight, and you want a good time. Ebony is your
good time. Okay. All right, ladies. Take care. Love you all.
We'll see you next week.