I'm excited to have each of you here. I want to start off by saying, don't sweat the seven
dates. I know when you hear Jackie say that in the kickoff challenge, it can get a little
nerve wracking, right? Don't sweat it. And this coaching session is not just about dating,
it's all about you. So we want you here sharing your world and then listening to the other
ladies in the tribe. Because we can learn a lot. We are not far in distance. Meaning
no matter who you are, women tend to be the kind of same all around. And so you're going
to see that we kind of all experience some of the same things. And so we want you here,
we need you here. We're excited to walk on this love journey with you. Oh, I really like
phase two. It's where I got my voice. Yeah, it's where I found out that I was more powerful
than I knew, and that I can make really good choices. And so you ladies, I hope you enjoy.
Remember that we don't post anything from outside sources without admin's approval.
And that's just for the sake of keeping the whole community safe. We want to make sure
that these things that are outside, maybe some other teaching or ministry is approved
so that it won't have some type of impact on ladies that we don't know that it's having
the impact on them. And so Jackie likes to look through those things or Bethany before
we post those. What else we want to talk about before we get started? Tonight, I am
making sure that I don't spend more time because I don't want to go over our coaching time
and I don't want to take up your time. So have you ladies been having a good week? Have
you been smiling at some men, liking some men, talking to some men, chatting with some
men, blessing and blocking some men? Yeah. Learning good lessons, learning hard lessons.
You've been learning some stuff about yourself. I hope so. Shante, is this your first time
with us? No, I was here last week. What? I'm so sorry. Charge it to my head, not my heart.
No, it was no, I took no offense at all. Good. It's so good to have you back then.
So I'm trying to, you're welcome. I'm trying to pull up
my notes right quick so I can see if it's something I want to touch on before we start
coaching for the night. Let's see. Give me one second.
Yeah. One thing I do want to mention that this is something, you know,
when we're in the community and we're seeing people posting and it looks like somebody's
just getting all the dates. It looks like you're not getting any dates or they just got it going
on. They love like everybody's at a different pace. Oh, hey, Sandy, new to face too as well.
So happy. I was wondering, but your name looks so familiar to me and I don't know why. I don't
know if it's because you're a Zimmerman or what? I'm not sure. I did. I've posted in the,
okay, on the community. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Welcome. So glad you're here. Thank you for letting me know.
Mm-hmm. Okay. But everybody's at a different pace and one, the way I may coach one person
may not be the way I coach you. And it's not a favoritism thing. It's just that that person
may have been on this journey a little bit longer. Maybe we've talked about dates in the past.
Maybe there's some areas that they need to grow in that has nothing to do with you.
Right. And so sometimes we'll think, well, you told them to do this and you're telling me to do
that. Well, you're two different people with two different personalities with two different areas
of growth that need to happen. And so, um, your situation may be where you don't need to say
something else to the guy. And this other person may need to say something to the guy, because
I know from working with them and they know that I'm pushing them to go a little bit above and
beyond because it's needed in their particular situation. So I hope that makes sense. So when
you start seeing some things look a little different, that's what it is. You guys don't
be concerned or be, uh, don't feel bad if you're taking, we call them baby steps. Dating is scary.
Anybody, raise your hand. If you know that dating can be scary, like coming out, it's like time to
start dating and even don't know how long you've been doing it. Every situation is so different.
That's right. Yes. Dating. So you guys don't feel like you should know this stuff and you
should have it all together. When you start watching the videos and you hear Jackie say,
it's a yes to us. No. When you hear yourself say, well, what, what that means?
That's a normal question.
It's the same question I said when I was in the program.
What does a yes, tell us a no mean?
Their response always is,
yeah, it's a yes, tell us a no.
That means, it's a yes, I'll meet you for coffee.
If the conversation was good,
it's a yes, I'll go to lunch with you.
Then when you get to lunch and they start
saying inappropriate things to you,
then it becomes a no.
It's a yes, tell us a no.
Not from the very beginning.
Oh, I don't know.
He, I don't know.
He, I don't even know if he goes to church.
I don't know.
I don't, I don't really like the job he has.
He's not my type.
I can tell.
Oh, he's too short.
I don't want him.
We're coming away from that.
Ladies, when we're looking on these dating sites
or you want to approach somebody in person
because dating sites are not the only way you can date.
It's just an easy way.
You know, you just get the flip,
but it has its ebbs and flows.
It has all of that.
It can get on your nerves and you need to stop for a while.
Like it's all of that and then some.
Nobody on this coaching session believes that it is.
Woo, put me on a dating site.
Not true.
But what I was gonna say is,
oh, it took my thoughts away from me.
I took them away.
I can't remember.
Anyway, can y'all hear my background really well?
No, good.
Okay, I think that's what threw me out of my background.
Anyway, so it's a yes until it's a no.
Get to know people.
Oh, you're not dating for a husband.
I know you believe that you are, but you're not.
You're dating for capacity for your husband.
Now, some of you guys are gonna accept that
and some of you guys aren't.
But whether you accept it or not,
if you go on every date asking yourself 50 million times
if this is the one, you're gonna judge him harshly.
You're gonna pick him apart
and you're gonna have expectations
that you never should have had out of a complete stranger.
Because at the end of the day, you don't know him.
He doesn't know you.
He's just another person.
And the quicker you see him as an individual,
the more you will enjoy your dating experience.
So this is my rule of thumb.
I tell myself half over and over, he is not my husband.
And you should do the same.
Because this is the stage where you get to date
and build capacity.
And when you hear thoughts come up in your mind,
like, I don't wanna waste my time.
I want you to get a different perception
and understand that when someone invests in themselves,
it is never wasting your time.
Every person needs to know how to build
healthy connections and communication.
You should not be on your first date
divulging everything about your life,
your mom or them, your dad or them, and your cousin
to somebody you do not know.
You are not that deep.
You're not operating in wisdom.
We do not throw our pearls before swine.
We give them to a trusted community who values us.
This man doesn't know you, nor does he value you
because he doesn't know you to value you.
And he's not gonna value you just because you're a woman.
You're a person that he wants to get to know.
And as he gets to know you,
he's gonna see the value that you are.
Got it?
Just a few little hints.
Now we're gonna move on from there.
But I wanted to give you guys that quick introduction
because that's a hard thing when you date,
expecting every person to be the one.
It's a hard thing to date.
Every man you click on, you like, uh-uh.
Is he the, ooh, he don't make enough.
Ooh, ooh, you just tear him apart all the way down.
Now you don't know if he's an entrepreneur.
You don't know what type of stuff he's working on.
You don't know the genius of a mind that he has.
You don't know how when the two of you guys come together,
how much fun you can have.
You don't know any of those things.
You don't know how he's gonna challenge you
when he makes that inappropriate comment to you
and you have to advocate for yourself
and stand up for yourself and say,
we don't make comments like that.
Every, most women, we've been trained to be nice.
And it's so hard for women to say,
could you not say that to me?
Please don't talk to me that way.
I don't appreciate when you talk to me that way.
Now, it's easy for us to get mad and block
and, oh no, he did not.
But we find it harder to say,
hey, you know that comment you just made?
It felt very dishonoring and I would like it
if you didn't mention it again.
And then you continue in the conversation.
Why would you do that?
Because you wanna see how well
this man can honor boundaries.
You wanna see if he's gonna say,
oh, I didn't realize that that was offensive.
Please forgive me.
Can we keep moving forward so I can just get to know you?
You can get opportunities like that
and it strengthens you, it gives you capacity
because when you get married,
if anybody's been married before,
I've been married and divorced before,
you have to know how to set boundaries
in any relationship you're in.
I don't care if it's your children,
if it's your mom and your dad,
your sister, your brother, and especially.
actually the person that you're gonna be married to.
They're still gonna be human.
They're not gonna be a replica of you.
They're not gonna think like you and act like you.
They're gonna have core foundational things just like you
because this was this.
But all those other things,
they're still gonna be their own person, okay?
So we're gonna move into coaching.
So that means you can ask any question
you would like to ask and I will do my best to answer.
And while you guys are getting those questions together,
hands are going up, I'm gonna pray, Lord,
I thank you for the questions
that's on the hearts of your ladies on tonight.
I thank you that we have solutions from heaven
that target everything that each person needs to know.
And we just thank you for that right now
in Jesus name, amen.
Okay, go for it, Laurie.
And our new ladies,
if you have any questions about the program, the videos,
don't forget to watch one, try to watch one a week.
You can ask those questions.
This is all about you, okay?
All right, go ahead, Laurie.
Okay, so like I had serious breakthrough this week.
It was so incredible.
I went from going on this date with a guy
that I was super interested in,
but then my anxious attachment came up.
And we both, we've had communication since
and really thought like he fell off
and at any rate, I had this opportunity
and I knew that that's what I was doing.
I could really sense it.
So I really leaned into the Lord for an encounter.
And I had this incredible encounter with the Lord
in a memory where my father walked away.
And it was just, it was an encountering the Lord
and just seeing God where he was in that moment
and the things he did and said in that memory
were just super powerful.
And so just like bawled my eyes out.
But at any rate, then I'm like, oh, darn it.
Like I ruined it, like he's gone.
Well, after I started, you know,
pain drove me to pick up a book.
I know we don't make recommendations on here,
but it's on empowering men and like empowering men
in our actions as women.
And it provided so many shifts for me.
And I realized that I was trying to compete with men
and that I was feeling like he does this,
you know, he's a lot of it has to do
with around like work position or whatever
and feeling like I needed to be, you know,
in the same sort of space that he's in.
And this totally shifted my thinking.
And all of a sudden everything opened up.
So then I also went up North
and stayed in a cottage for like four days.
And I literally practice all these things
that I learned in this book.
And I, it's like the whole world opened up.
I realized that I was treating,
also treating men like they were misbehaving
and had all these, just all these thoughts
and words in my mind that I would call them in my mind
that I had all these negative thoughts
because of that heart wound.
And so like, just all this awareness came up
and I literally like would go out and about.
And like one time I went back to a resort that we,
one of the nights I went back to a resort that we stayed at
and set up at the bar and had like a drink
and there's like boats and stuff.
And I literally had guys across the bar going,
come over here, like, come on, like, come over here.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, I have never in my entire life
had anything like this happen.
And I just was like, you know, thanks.
Cause I'm, and they were good looking,
but I was just like, I didn't, anyway.
So maybe like a half an hour, 45 minutes
and they did it again.
So I thought, oh my gosh, all right.
So I went over, I'm like, just to practice,
I'll just go over and just practice relating to them.
It's not like, it's more like a boating club
sort of scenario.
So it's not like bar, bar, but yeah,
and then I took a walk along the beach
and another man comes up to me
and starts carrying on a conversation.
And we talked for like 45 minutes
and he gave me his number.
So it's just like, oh, and also like I reached back,
I, Steve, we call him the lumberjack guy,
the one that I'm really, really interested in.
So this is the guy I reached back out and I said,
hey, can you help me understand why,
what created the disconnection?
And he wrote back like real soon.
And then we went out on another date.
went out on a hike, and had a fantastic time and we connected
and we're getting together again on Friday. So it's just like,
and we've just had so many just because these the shift of like,
I think really, it's like, I assume that you have a good
reason for everything that you do. Can you help me understand
what it is that that kind of narrative. So I'm just like, Oh,
my word, like I was creating all these things in my mind about
gosh, overlaying some filters that I've had about men. And
he's not those filters at all. So very authentic. And yeah, so
I'm excited to see where it goes. And I've also just had
such a great opportunity to step back and just approach more like
a friend. Yeah, he did after the hike asked if he could kiss
me. Uh huh. And I'm like, like, I'm super attracted to him. And
I said, I said, Yes, that's a possibility in the future. I'd
like to get to know you more. Yeah, that was good. Lori. That
was good. Like it was a fun connection. But I don't know
you. That's right. Can you share? Give me one example of
when you say treat me like they're misbehaving. What does
that mean?
Um,
you know, I think men are just to the point. And maybe there's
sometimes not as much emotion. I'm trying to think of
what you're saying.
So what you may say is actually quite and getting to know him.
He's actually quite his language is quite connective. And he's a
deep thinker.
Okay, let me so let me ask. Yeah, let me ask him because
this is not about him. Okay. This is not about your
interaction with him. Yeah, I want to know when you said that
I've never heard that before. So I wanted to know what is your
definition of treating me like they're misbehaving? Because I
wanted to see if there's something that all of those
women can fall into doing. And so that's one example.
No, I'm here. I'm trying to think of what a guy would do.
But I would you know, I I call him a
Lori, I'm not asking about what I just want to know. So I want
you to think about it and put it in this group. I've never heard
that before. So it's not me. I'm not even evaluating your
behavior. I've never heard it before. And I want an example to
see if I've also ever done it before. With the man just being
who he is being different. What's the way that we can that
you feel you felt in the past they were you treated them like
they were misbehaving when they did what so that's the question
answer this in the chat for me. So I can move to the next.
Well, in the book, she was talking about basically men
acting like hairy women, like we're expecting them to act like
us.
Oh, so when they don't act like us, we treat them like they're
misbehaving.
Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Gotcha. That was good. Thank you. Thank
you, Lori. Stephanie. Stephanie Davis from New York who went on
a date and she was looking fine. I don't know if y'all saw her on
the community. Wow. But yeah,
like a fine wine. I don't drink.
Okay, so I've been waiting because I didn't get to join
last exam and waiting so I could wrap up my text to this
gentleman. So I saw a call a post. I don't know if you saw a
response to mine. And so let me tell you my part and then you
can give me a coaching. And I'm open to hear it. But I am
willing to say if I'm wrong, I'm wrong. So how we have great
conversation. We've been talking for a month, who went on the
date.
Last week, Wednesday, he picked the place and we went there. But
he's always talking about money. Money is always his biggest
concern. We went to the we went there and we talk and talk. The
conversation was good. And then the bill came. When the bill
came, he said, I only have $25. I need to call the $25 wallet,
right. And I was like, okay, so I said, How much How much is my
bill? And he told me that he called the waitress over and
told and asked for a split bill. So that's my first thing. Then
my second thing for that was the second thing that while we were
on the date, he mentioned that he he would be a medication for
the rest of his life. Because he has anxiety, p pts.
and he has chronic depression.
So, I mean, I still talk to him
because I didn't want to be rude
because in my back of my head, I had a strange,
I can't explain to you, I don't know why,
but I had a strange instinct not for letting know
like the car I drive and where I was.
I can't tell you why.
I don't know if I was just being paranoid
or anything like that, but I had a strange,
when he told me that, I actually did like,
I didn't repent though.
I told him I went away for a break.
I had to be out there for 40 minutes
before I went to my car, you know,
because I told my son to drop me,
but he was like, he had to work, so he couldn't drop me.
And so that's what I did.
So I, Collin said it was a yellow flag
because of the, you know, splitting the bill.
My son said, let's see a dodge a bullet,
God save you, so let's move on.
So that was his thing.
He was like, listen, I don't care what those people,
the coaches said, you need to move on.
That God saved me from that, I need to do Matthew 633.
He's like, that's what you need to do, nothing else.
So I just want to hear your coaching on it
because I have my email ready to send to him
to like cut it off, but I just told him
just give me some time to respond.
He did ask me for a second date, which was good,
but he's a great, he's a great conversationist.
I love talking to him, but those are my two things.
That's my two things.
I'm sorry to cut you off, it was just funny
watching Kathy doing this the whole time,
you talking like, go ahead, unmute yourself, Stephanie.
Oh no, I'm done, I just want, I want to hear,
I want to, cause I, you know, cause it's something
you overthink and you overreact,
cause I haven't been on a date in 22 years.
I don't remember what to do, what not to do.
So this is, and I've never been coached a date before.
Right.
A guy see on the road and say, hey, I like you.
And you're like, can I have your number?
That's what I'm used to.
So I never had done it this way.
So I just want to make sure I'm applying what I'm learning
and that I'm not overreacting.
Cause I, I was like, I was, I was a little bit embarrassed
cause, cause I told the waitress,
cause I didn't know who he was.
And I told him just give an eye on me
just in case of anything.
And you know, the lady, the lady, the hostess say,
hey, kick him to the curb.
Yes, he paid, he didn't want to pay the bill.
And I felt so embarrassed being there at a restaurant
that you pick, and my bill was only $21 and 60 cents.
You could not spend $21 and 60 cents.
So that, that, you know, so I don't know.
Okay.
Okay, good.
I think you had a great experience.
I'm really happy for you.
You look really good.
Would I have liked him to pay for your meal?
Yes.
But what I want you to,
I want to dig into when you say,
you could have paid for my bill.
When you just said, whatever you said,
I can't remember the exact words,
but it sounded like, you felt like
it was something against you,
the reason why he didn't pay the bill.
Like you were embarrassed,
you were embarrassed that he didn't pay the bill.
No, because I was, I was embarrassed.
Hear me out.
I was embarrassed because he took a $25 to pay.
But Stephanie, hear me out.
Okay.
Hear me out.
What I want us to do is to make sure
that you're assigning him whatever shame belongs to him.
And whether he picks up some or not,
it's not your shame.
It could feel like this man took me out
and maybe he don't even feel like I'm worth $21.
Because what you said was, it was just $21.
Like, at least he could have paid for my meal for two.
Was I not worth it?
Just $21.
That could be the cake that you could be,
I want you to make sure that you don't hear that in you.
And if you are hearing that,
I want to clean that up for you.
His lack of paying or his resistance to paying for the bill
or not paying for the bill,
Stephanie does not reflect your worth or value.
Okay.
And if he doesn't have money to date,
then he shouldn't be dating.
And so that's your answer.
You let him know, thanks for the time,
but you don't see this going any further
because he's not in a position to date.
But I want to make sure that you're not assigning
his lack of finances to your value or worth.
You follow me?
Yes.
I thought you were going to have my hand.
Thank you.
Because I've been waiting for this class to text me.
Oh no, another thing.
I thought you were going to be like, it's a yellow,
it's a, another thing I want to mention too,
so my ex-husband put me in a financial ruin.
Wait a minute, Stephanie, hold up, hold up.
So what I want to say is to finish up that thought
is this ladies, you go on a date.
with someone i do want you to run it by us as coaches because some of y'all be cutting folks
out for no reason you just do you go looking for some baby y'all go like this a detective
do it do it watch i cut you out y'all go in there because you go in there you go in there ready to
cut a joker oh but if you go on a date and you did not have a good time it's something
dress it's something happened that like you run it by and be like hey if you didn't like it you
just didn't like it sometimes it's just like that and you don't have to feel obligated to go on a
second date stephan that's why i told you let me finish up this statement and so this man didn't
pay for the food you know and he pulled out 25 and this is all i got you know and so you have
to make a judgment call says okay he wants to go on another date with me but he's not gonna he's
not gonna treat me like a woman you know like i feel like i should be treated as a woman like oh
no i'm not gonna go out with him again and you get to make that decision without having to back it up
with something does that make sense ladies like that's a decision that you can you can make a
call you don't need no more evidence to make that call so stephanie also when he said he struggled
with depression ptsd and whatever is he sound crazy you as a woman who is vulnerable and this
man is stronger than you and you don't know him it's nothing wrong with a person struggling with
anxiety depression and ptsd that's a real thing but when you're talking about your safety as a
woman out on a date with a man that you don't know that's gonna cause you to draw back you
should draw back because that's the nature of a woman and you no longer feel safe
men that was a lot to share i have a friend very one of my best friends he's in the military he's
he's retired from the military now but because he was in combat his whole time he was a sniper
that's all he did was kill people that was his job he has to take pills just to sleep at night so
he can't sleep so he won't have dreams of the things that they've done and the children they
slaughter and things that they have to do in the name of duty and he struggles with ptsd he
struggles with depression he struggles with things after any woman that would have to be with him
he at least four days a week he can't process he's no count like and he spent 30 some years
being a killer it has cost his mental health so i'm saying i'll let to say this when he starts
when he meets a new woman i had to stop him from that the first thing he would do was tell her all
those things because he said he wanted her to know it's like he's saying this is the horrible thing
about me here it is run now if you want to run and i had to start training him that you don't
do that you don't know this woman you share these things with people you feel safe with
but he's a respectful honorable man but men don't understand and sometimes they lay all this stuff
out so he can be like look here you go i you want to go ahead with me go for me or not if you're
gonna count me out this is what you count me out on so i just want to add that go ahead stephanie
so ladies that's how something like that can happen that's why men lay stuff out so quickly
they'll start talking about they were divorced they was this they don't have nobody coaching
them and they feel like let's just get it all out in the open i don't care what they get out
in the open don't you get nothing out in the open this is like okay what i did i when he told me that
i just i went back to the word i told him like i directed that way jesus healed you because i i
i've never dealt with anybody telling me that right up front we didn't know so i know we weren't
supposed to be talking about bible but i was like that was a that was a moment to plug christ there
and i plugged him and hopefully you know that was able to help him and you know as i said he's a
sweet guy but he's just not the guy for me right so he's a sweet guy but he's just not the guy for
me and that's what i'm learning yeah um a man not paying for you just to be clear is not a flag
it's not a red flag or it could be cannabis he don't want to pay for you it's like
oh it's gonna make you go right and so i don't know if it's a flag it's definitely not a red flag
um yeah um i'm yeah i don't want to say i've gone on dates before and we split the bill
um for me at that stage in my dating that was
early stages a while ago and I felt safer that way because at the time I
didn't want to feel like I owed him something and I wouldn't be able to say
no. That was how I guarded myself. I'm not telling you to do that. You shouldn't let
me take the lead. But if I said that I went on a date with somebody and I split
the bill, I've done that before. So it didn't feel like a yellow flag to me. But
I've also gone on dates with men and taken a check. I weigh out a lot of
things. When women go on dates with men, men are always expected to carry the
bill. It is the chivalrous thing to do. It is the man-like thing to do. But I
recognize that men go on a lot of dates and they may pay a lot of first meals
for women who may not ever talk to them again. And so we just suggest you go on a
coffee date and don't do lunch. And if it's not gonna be coffee, do lunch or do
dinner, big tickets. If they ask you to go, then they've asked to go like he
asked Stephanie. You would think he would have picked up the bill, you know, but he
didn't. So if you're gonna suggest a date, how about just suggest a coffee date and
then, you know. Did he tell you he didn't have money before the date, Jane says?
No, he just, so I spoke to Carla a couple times. I mentioned it because he's
always, he says he's frugal, he's conservative with money, but he was
spending on that. So I thought it was a red flag at first, but she said, she said
it might be a poverty mindset. So I was like, okay, let me just not, because you
know, everything is turned down and I thought I was being picky. And so I said,
let me just go and try. I was excited because I thought it was great to break
the ice. That was it. Just break the ice and go. Yeah, I'm glad, yeah, I'm glad you
went on the date and I think that if you want to go ahead and call it quits, don't
want to go on another date with this guy, you have the right to do that. You did
not have a good experience with him. That did not feel good and you can say, no,
I'm just happy you went on the date. That's that, it's a yes till it's a no. Now
it's a no for you. And I think you did well and you bounced back quickly. You was
like, okay, I paid for my food. You know, he need to get his love money up. He
want to go on dates. He need to go get some cow foot tea. How do you feel about
this, Stephanie? I'm fine. Some of the things that you said, my son said it to
me, he was like, he was like, you mommy, if that part, you dodge a bullet, you, you
know, and, and stuff like that. And he was like, basically, you don't know if he
had paid for the day, if there was going to be something in returning water,
because he did bring up sex on the date. And I was like, no, not asking me for
sex. He just casually slipped it in. And I was like, casually, you're not my type
to even go there with it. But, um, he brought it up and I, I, I redirect it
quickly. So I didn't go anywhere further. And, but I, you know, some of those
things, it was just, as I said, I didn't know what to expect on a date with,
because I haven't been there for a little while. And so what I did, as I said, I
went to learn me. I didn't, I went to learn me. So I would know what my
boundaries are, what to look for, what to say. So now next time I know when I'm
going, I try to arrange a date when my son is free. So just, he can drop me and
wait to the parking lot. So if we want to go, we just drive off together for my
own sake, until I'm sure. Because most of the guys are online and you know, it's,
New York is pretty big. So, you know, you just want to make sure, because he looks
pretty normal. If he didn't tell me he was on medication, I wouldn't, he looks so
normal. And all I, all I, when he was across the table, I just thought he could
just stretch over and choke me. And it was like that freak, no, it freaked me
out. You just like, Oh, I'm just want to let you know, I'm on medication for the
rest of my life. He didn't say for six months, on the rest of my life, Xanax is
a strong pill. Listen, it is a very, this is a very scary. I'm the only one my son
have. I have to make sure I do this thing right. But it taught me what the
boundaries I need to put in place.
That's right. That's right. Gotcha. Thank you, Steph. No, you did good. I look
forward to hearing about your next date. Because once they start, baby, they just
roll in. You'll see once you break the ice, you kind of go like this. Helen.
Oh, hi. Hey, girl. I thought someone else was, was in front of me. So I just want
to make sure I didn't jump anybody. Well, I try to write your names down as you
come up. If I do it, y'all is I don't
try to do it. Okay. All right. Okay. Um, sorry if I jumped ahead of it. Um, so just two questions,
I guess. Um, so fairly new to face to first question is, um, there's this guy that I like
at my church and, um, just, we just say hi to each other. We know each other's names,
but nothing beyond that. Um, I have a couple of friends that's been praying over me a friend.
That's a couple that's been praying over me. And they went and asked one of the other
people that serve with him about him. Um, which I thought was cool. And they're on my
team kind of thing. And I'm so grateful for that. It turns out that he's divorced, which
is okay with me. I has, he has six kids, which one of my friends told me that I was like,
I thought he was kidding. Um, when he said that and I was like, and then I was like,
you're serious. And he's like, are you ready for that? And his wife was like, Helen, you,
that's a lot, but it's on you, but that's a lot. So anyway, there's that question. And
the second thing is, um, I'm on the arc, is it called arc arc? Y'all, um, recommended
and, um, I've been sending notes and likes stuff and some responses, but not much from
those that I expected the people that I, that look like they're really walking with God
on there and what marriage, cause you can put, you know, your goals and things like
that, but not much of a response that I would expect. And thank you for saying, first of
all, everybody's on the same, is on a different pace. So don't compare. And then just because
some, even if you do match with somebody that doesn't mean that's could be, that's your
husband, right, right off the bat. So anyway, yeah. But my two things. Yeah. So do you,
are you asking about the guy from church? Are you asking if we think this, if they
have an opinion about how many kids or you were just sharing? Yeah. Yeah. Because six,
he looks like he's in his, probably I'm guessing forties. So I'm guessing there's probably
some younger kids in there. What's that? Do you have kids? I don't, I just saw that comment.
I don't, I don't, but I really want some. And I, I, I don't mind being a step-mom or
foster mom. I guess I, I didn't anticipate that someone could have that many age, you
know? Yeah. How old are you? I'm 50. Okay. Oh, okay. My, this is what she said. She said,
Helen, I ain't trying to shoot. She was like putting myself in my shoes, my friend's wife.
And she goes, I ain't going to jail for nobody because just because of the way the world
is with the way you guys all know how crazy it is. Now you discipline your kid for a little
thing and they call somebody called CPS, blah, blah, blah, blah, that whole thing, especially
in California. Anyway, it's really bad. So yeah, everybody thinks I'm younger than 50.
So, um, so she's like, do you want to, um, have six kids? I don't know. I want kids. I don't know,
but I don't know about six. I don't know what six, I don't know about that. I think, you know,
let's try it again. I just want a yes or no. Do you want six kids? Once that are not mine? No,
no. Well, that's your answer. Then you probably not want to get involved in it.
Right. But if they're grown, maybe, I don't know. Well, maybe having kids when he was 15
and the youngest is 30. I'm just kidding. I don't know. Well, well, maybe this is your answer.
I want to talk to him to see for myself. You know, you can do that. You can still
go on a coffee date with him and he can tell you about his six children.
You don't, you don't have to count them out. They could be, he could just have two that are still,
um, you know, under a certain age. And then you already get to have grandchildren,
you know, some of his children may be married. So I think that if you want to make that
determination for yourself, is nothing wrong with you. I think sometimes we think, well,
if I ask him out for coffee, I've already crossed over a line and I have to make all of this
decision going in. And that's not true. Or if I ask him coffee, he's going to know I'm like him.
Then I'm going to tell him I really don't want to get to like him because he got six kids. And so I
better make a decision right now about his six kids. Well, we got to get rid of that thinking
because you may accept his six kids, but not like him. It doesn't matter that he loves Jesus. Don't
mean you're going to like him. You see what I'm saying? And so either way it's going to be,
it's going to, you're going to cross over a line. And I think that's the way it is.
You're going to cross the chicken line and you're an adult and he's an adult,
and you're just going to say, Hey, let's grab a cup of coffee.
You're really trying to get to know him. That's your brother in Christ. That's all you know about him right now
And that's all that really matters
And you would
I think you would have a safe coffee day
I think we live in the day and age especially in the church if you if you as a girl, especially if you ask
I guess both ways if you ask somebody out for coffee that you might as well have proposed marriage
exactly, you know i'm saying so
I think other ladies on here can appreciate that in the church. It's just
Yeah, how to just relate like that for them
And so if you wanna if you wanna have that coffee date with that young man, you know
Go for it
Okay
Yeah
And it always gets even more entangled when you involve somebody else and they're praying for you and they tell you
Well, I don't know about that, you know
He gives this and then you feel this pressure like if you still do it
You're going against them too. And all you're trying to do is just have a little fun
and so
That that's something that you can feel too
That's why you feel like he'll make a decision about his kids when you just want to date
Yeah, okay candy
Wait, what about the arc thing the oh, what about arc, you know arc is sorry about that. I'm glad you said no worries
arc is
I don't know why the guys are not responding arc is new to this area
And so a lot of ladies and I went on there just because I mean i'm dating somebody but I went on there for the sake
of y'all
It's true. Really? It's true. I wanted to see it when it first came out
And they don't have a lot of activity and a lot of other ladies have said that they don't get a lot of activity
out of arc as well
And they don't get a lot of men in their area. And so that's about uh
I like some guys on there too because I just really wanted to see the whole process and I never got a response back
Um either and so
Um, yeah, okay
I like facebook dating if you're on facebook, I think you should try it out
You know, are you on facebook, uh
I am now since you have to be out there and come out of hiding. I have to come out of hiding
Yeah, do you are you you have friends on facebook? Yeah, I feel i'm trying
Okay
When you do facebook dating it shows you who if y'all have friends in the same circle
It'll show you and that's what I like about it. Okay
Because it kind of puts you in a certain connection with the person. Okay, i'll try that. Thanks. Okay, you're welcome
jane
Hi good evening, it's actually jamie
Jamie sorry. Yeah. Yeah, that's okay
Uh, so i'm new to phase two and so I had some questions about phase two
Yeah, because I was under the impression
And this might be arc. I don't know because I haven't been on arc, but I was under the impression that in phase two
We would be seeing more guys in the program on here's what I had in my mind
And here's what i've been telling people i'm on a dating i'm on a dating coaching site and i'm doing some hard work and
And and there's men over there being prepared and they're doing their hard work and then when I finish this hard work
Then we're going to be
Hallelujah
Can't be the only one that thought that
You are not so it used to be in phase in this phase was called love story accelerator
Where we would have community all community events where there will be men and women
Sometimes they do a sneak peek of that
and then they have the spirit match made where you can fill out the form and then jacket would do some spirit match making and
then they'll do the
What's it called y'all and y'all remember the love seats?
where you'll put
Women on there and men on there and she'll let the three women
Interview the man and he'll choose which one that he wants all of that is in phase three
phase two will get a sneak peek in it and get to come to some of the
Um events so you can see what was in phase three, but spirit match made
That all community where there are men and women in there together
Um is in phase three
But sometimes they let phase two join in on phase three
Okay
Because phase two looks like it's really simple. I mean i've been through the first and the second
Chapters, I guess because it's not a book to you know that you go read you watch
A video
It's all about dating
Really? Okay. So i've been on I was on I was on facebook dating
actually, i've been on a lot of the dating sites, but
I've you know those subscriptions and then you know, you notice they saying guys on all these sites. I'm like
You just change your picture
Look, I'll be hoping they don't see me.
I'll be like, I hope they don't see me.
Right.
So I've exclusively been Facebook dating
because I got tired of paying for subscriptions
to talk to somebody.
So I cut it off when I started the heart work.
And then when I came to phase two, I put it back on.
I'm like, I didn't even miss nothing.
So it was just like, oh, do I really have to do this?
And so I put myself out there.
So I talked to a couple today.
I don't know that I'll do the Facebook post,
but I did talk to a couple that I trust today
and told them about it.
They were so excited.
I was like, I got a dating coach and they was like, oh.
So I'm telling people, you know, little by little,
but putting myself out there.
Yeah, Jany, I think that's exciting.
And I know that it is really like exciting to think
when I get to phase three,
they're gonna already be men who did the hard work
that are prepared for me.
But you'll hear Jackie say this all the time.
No matter what man or woman that's in a heart work program,
everybody can skip steps.
And everybody has to be vetted by all of the principles
and everything that you learned.
And when you date them, even if they're in this program,
there are lots of women who skip heart work stuff.
They be in the program three weeks and they come out,
I'm ready.
And they don't apply anything they learned in heart work
and they still move too fast.
And they still meet a man the first night
and they still get physical
and they still talk about spiritual stuff.
Cause they know, even though you didn't have much luck
with a husband, you get in the program
and you decide you still know best.
Because these are one of the areas where people refuse
to give up control.
And it's like, I did all this before.
I already know.
I know, I know, I know.
But you don't have no husband, husband, husband.
And it's true.
And it's like, I'm not taunting you,
but Jackie produces marriages and engagements
and lots of them every single month.
And when your heart is healthy, you attract differently.
And so you can do the same thing you did
before you got in this program
and you will see a difference.
You'll find that you choose a higher quality of men.
That when you do go out, that you require different things
and you don't walk around thinking somebody owes you
something because you're a woman,
but you actually invested in the woman that you are
and you have a healed heart.
A healed heart and a broken heart
see through two different lenses.
Look at who you are.
It's no way around it because the heart is the lens
in which we see from.
And so I know for myself,
I've watched so many women in this program
and it's just, it's the truth.
And I think you should, one girl said she works this
like it's a college course and she really did.
She worked it until she got her husband
and you are different now and you will date different
and you will make different decisions
because you're going to be faced
with the way you used to do things
and the new way of doing things.
And you're going to have to make a choice.
And it's so easy to go with a good feeling.
You know how it feel when you meet somebody
and it feels so good and you just, it feels so good.
But the feel so good don't never pay off.
It messes you up every single time,
but it's something about that feeling that just drives you.
It just feels so good.
And the level of restraint that is required of you
as a woman to not go into the feel so good.
Some people just don't want to put it up.
They don't want to do that level of restraint
because the feeling feels so good.
So Jamie, I'm excited for you to be in phase two
and don't try to rush off and leave us
and get you some men and get you some girls.
No, I'm not, but you know,
I am 61 now, but.
You're 61, huh?
I am, so.
We got to get this thing going, ain't it?
No, but what I really,
when I was listening to Jackie through the videos,
she was saying, you know, date more than one person.
And that's something different for me.
I was like, more than one at a time?
Okay, that's a little different.
I look, now I did it.
When I was in the program about four, three, four years ago,
Jackie was my coach.
So she was all of our coaches in the program.
So being coached directly on Jackie,
when you go to phase three,
you get a lot more Jackie coaching
because you get all of those sessions with her.
But she did encourage us to date,
and I needed to because I was more
of an anxiously attached person.
So in order to help my emotions calm myself down,
I would date more than one person
and it would mellow me out.
And it would have me not worried about,
oh, does he call back?
What'd he say?
What'd he mean by that?
And get on the phone with him.
Oh, I met him.
I think that I planned our whole future, baby.
Give me two hours, it's over with.
And so I had to slow me down.
Cuz I thought everyone I clicked on when my husband Jeff you like stop doing it
so it's like it was like this study till there's something cracked in my head like oh
oh
And then I just took out different this what I want to say
When you date so I would you don't have to do this and I know you're 61, but they don't change it
You look good. Y'all can pull this stuff out. I
Would date three men at a time and I will let the best rise to the top
And the other two will fall underneath and so the best will always get the best the best time slots
Already had time slots that were put in and when I would talk to a person and when I could go out on the date
whoever dropped under the best the second person they get the other time that the first person didn't get and
the third person usually gets replaced by somebody else who can come and trump the top person and
So I never I didn't I wasn't sit on dating sites all the time
I put it because you get tired you get tired of this stuff
And so I start putting myself on the schedule and I would enjoy the time I had on it and then I wouldn't so I
Regulated myself a lot and I encourage you guys to request if you get tired of swiping
Oh the same picture somebody holding the fish somebody sitting there with a dog
You know, you can you be like y'all ain't got nothing else to do
You know on a boat, you know the same old stuff it gets, you know frustrated and then I started making it fun
Yeah, I started going up to me and in grocery stores
I got tired of being afraid to say something to somebody. I'm like, I'm gonna do it. Just walk up
Forget it, I'm doing it
But I just I wanted genuine connections
I want I will take me and my sister and her husband will go out
He will go up and talk to me and say my sister over there. I'll take a wing woman with me
I'll go hang out and have fun with it and I encourage y'all to do that
It's so much easier when you have a wing woman
She's gonna do all the talking for you and then you can do all the talking for her and then it's gonna build up your
ability to have
Conversations even on dating sites and I'm gonna give it back to y'all cuz I got a lot of hands up
I gotta stop talking
Even on dating sites
I would give the phone to my sister sometimes and let her pick me and for me that I wouldn't pick for myself
And she'll even start the conversation with them for me because she knew me well enough to do that
And she knew I wouldn't pick them
But she knew you know, sometimes you look at me and they own it all fine, especially they like they work out every day
I'll be like no
He ain't gonna want me. He don't want me or you know, they have certain type of jobs
Sometimes we'll disqualify ourselves from certain me but you actually do like them, but you feel like they probably wouldn't like you
Well, I just let my sister click on me then I start talking to me. So those are some ideas
I want you guys to have fun
It's worth having fun a little while you'll be married and you won't get to do this again, so
You're welcome
All right. So for real we're gonna speed up. I think this is the game plan. All right, Sophia. You're next
It's Sophia. No, it's not
It's a piece. Oh, it's a piece. Oh
So we're gonna y'all are gonna talk for one minute and a half and I'm gonna talk for two minutes go
Okay, so it's like a I I think I need encouragement I'm just a little like I
Don't know. Okay, so there's two men that I've been talking to one is in DC
He was supposed to I'm in New York. He was supposed he had said that he was coming to New York this weekend
Last we spoke I should also say I went on a silent retreat for a whole week
And so, you know
I did give them I did give the the lads some warning that I'd be
Unavailable for a week and we could pick up when I got back. I got back
He was like super keen to talk to me. We see he phoned we spoke on the phone and then I
Got on the subway and he was like call me back later tonight. I tried to call back as promised
But he didn't pick up. So I left a message that was like a
Long time ago. I know he had a weekend thing planned
He was going away with friends from school for the weekend
And so haven't heard back and part of me is like let it go
and
Then another part of me is like should I feel empowered enough to be like
Like what's up? Are either weekend? Is that you know still a thing?
But then I also don't want to yeah, I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be like I
don't know what the line of like
Being desperate is and then also like being
Open and friendly. So there's that and then there's another guy who I've been talking
into for a while. We haven't met yet. I'm starting to get over the endless messaging.
We voice note a lot. I expressed that I'd like to meet. He was like, yes, absolutely.
And then like hit me with crazy, like this last weekend, I spoke to him last week and
I was like, um, what do you think about meeting up? He was like, absolutely. This weekend's
crazy. I have a wedding on Saturday and then my father's funeral on Sunday and I'm going
away. And I was like, huh? So like the man is grieving and is in like a really intense
place emotionally. And I don't know, I, I feel a little bit like I've taken a lighter
touch now. And he sent me a message yesterday to say that he, you know, went to the beach,
his dad loved the beach. And so now he does like a birthday tradition thing at the beach.
And he was like, I got here. And so I took a day to respond and just say, hope you're
having a good time. That was like an emotional weekend for you. Like, I don't know. I just,
I'm feeling a little bit, I don't know. I, I just don't know.
Okay. Okay. So for guy number one, do you usually reach out to him all the time?
No, it's been pretty consistent. The difference is I'm someone who texts and he's someone
who'll just pop up on, on the phone. Right. So, so it's been equal, but if you look at
our text thread, it'll be like, I send a text message and then he phones back. Yeah.
So how do we know when we are appearing desperate? That is the question. The first you want to
measure out how much you're reaching out to them versus how much they're reaching out
to you. Right? So this, how do I not look desperate? First thing you need to ask yourself,
am I desperate? Yes or no? I don't know. Not, I'm not sure, but I am interested. Well, let
me finish. So when you ask yourself the question, you measure the conversation back and forth,
this is how you measure it. Then you ask yourself the question, am I desperate? Yes or no? You
pick, no, I'm not desperate. Then you need to ask the question of that person that you want to know.
Okay. This is going to stop you from, I know that's when you say I have this self-consciousness.
This is how you measure out if what your, what your conscious is speaking to you is true or not.
Is there a level, are we leveled out with I, this, they reciprocate. Is this happening? Yeah.
Am I desperate? What's happening in my heart? Or am I being anxious? Yeah. And then if not,
if you want to know something, you ask them. And once you ask them, don't be around the bush.
Yeah. Be clear with the person about what you want to know. So you won't have to do a follow-up text
if they don't respond to you. Yeah. So if your text says, Hey, we haven't been able to connect.
I'm still very interested in us hanging out on Saturday. Like make it known what you want
so that you won't have to do another text after you sent one. And then you feel desperate because
they ain't responding. Don't send no phishing texts. That's so good. This is what I want.
Yeah. Yeah. And so be clear, be kind. And if they don't respond to that, you know,
you said exactly what you wanted to say. And the other guy is, you know,
because he is grieving or whatever. I like the way you handled it. And if you wanted to just
check on him and say, Hey, you don't have to call me back. I'm just checking. I'm just checking on
you. I know that you've had a emotional or, you know, weekend with the loss of your father. So
just want you to know that my thoughts are towards you whenever you, um, you know, come
back around this way. Um, I'm willing to be available. I'm willing to be available.
That's great. Okay. You're welcome. Um, Byrne.
Is this your first time Byrne? Yes. It's my first time.
Hey, well, I wanted to say that, um, I'm really, really excited about the program. And, um,
I haven't, I am, I just turned 62 just about a month ago and June, well, June 21st. So I'm
really excited about that. Um, I haven't dated in a really long time out of my 62 years. I looked at,
I haven't dated probably less than 30 years of, um, you know, of my life, but however,
I tried to go back and date, um, after 1996, when my son was born, I tried to date a guy
in the early part of, uh, 2000. I mean, um,
2018, I believe it was, somewhere around there, and I tried to date, and I found out very
quickly that I didn't know how to date.
I was still trying to carry those old principles from 1996 over to 2000, and, you know, and
I pretty much got kind of ran over a little bit there.
I do know that I did give out too much information at one time because I was, okay, I was very
proud of myself.
His dad was not there for me, and I left the relationship, and now I've been by myself,
and I've been learning some stuff, studying my work and all of that, and I was ready to
practice on him, but he was much smarter than me in reference to playing these games and
all of that.
But I can say that I did see, you know, yellow lights and plus red lights, but when I got
to the point after that year, I told him that I was trying to see where we were going with
it.
We're not going anywhere.
Then, you know, I was just going to kind of break it off, but I knew in my heart that
there was a child somewhere because I mentioned about, I didn't want to talk to anybody that
had any small kids because at that time I was in my 50s, late 50s.
But anyway, found out later, once he went in the hospital, excuse me, what happened
was he went into the hospital, and that's when everything started speeding up because
right when I was breaking up with him, I am naturally a caregiver.
I actually work in hospice.
I'm a hospice nurse.
So therefore, what happened was when he went in the hospital, everything speeded up really
fast, and plus at the end of that, he actually died.
I took care of him until he died, regardless of how mean he was to me and all of that.
And right before he actually died, I found out that he was married, and I about had a
fit, about had a fit on that.
But when I talked to one of his friends, because he didn't have a lot of friends, the girl
told me that he, yes, he got married in 20, in 2000, and he was supposed to get an annulment
or something like that, but he didn't do it.
But anyway, I did take care of him all the way up until he died, and I wasn't like in
love with him.
I liked him and everything, and I did tell him at that point that I was no longer his
girlfriend after I found out some things there, but because of what I do, I was going
to go on and take care of him because I would never just kick him to the side like that.
And right now, I'm still carrying some baggage from him, and that's been like over five years.
And what baggage I'm saying is that everything that was in his home, he said he didn't care
what I did with it, but me being me, and I was like, man, this man got all this good
stuff in his house, I can at least sell it or whatever.
And then I had to move him, he only came to the house right before he died.
And what I did was I had a friend who let us stay in her in-law suite.
We wasn't together like that, it's just that I needed a place to take care of him because
now I'm his caregiver.
But anyway, so out of all of that, I realized that I didn't know how to date, but I haven't
dated anybody since 2000, after he died, I tried to talk to another guy.
But what I'm looking at right now is that I know a whole lot more now than I did.
And so I haven't been going on any, but I go places to make myself, to push me out there
to have conversation.
I do go to Sprouts a lot, and I will talk to people because I love everything about
in reference to healthy living and exercise and all of that.
So I get a chance to talk to people and I have people to say, I had a couple of young
guys tried to talk to me, but for me, I say that they were too young for me or whatever.
I said that.
But yeah, and when I tell them my age and it was like, I would not have thought she
was like 62, I would have said, maybe your late 40s or early 50s.
But anyway, so I am excited about this and I'm looking forward to just being able to
be in a community that I'm hearing from other people too.
And we're helping each other along the way and everything.
But I'm not shy to putting myself out there because when I looked at the information the
other day from Jackie, well, which I was looking at yesterday, and when she said about putting
yourself out there on a Facebook, and I'm not shy to that.
I just have to see what I want to say when I put it out there.
And people are going to be so surprised because that's not me to be able to.
I mean, I'm a really happy go lucky person and I love to talk.
I love to, you know, to get with people and all of that.
But they're going to be surprised that I actually said that because I'm sure people.
thinking, you know, you hadn't dated in all these years,
you know, we thought you were married,
whatever, whatever, but I'm excited about it.
And so I'm also looking for, you know,
open to different tips and everything
for me when I get out there.
But I know a lot of ladies that are my friends,
they're just kind of going here and there and, you know,
well, if it's God's will and all of that,
and I'm over here doing something
because I know it's his will.
I want to be married and I've already talked to him
about that and we have gone through some things already.
And this particular program came to me
during the time, cause I work overnight.
So I take care of, you know,
I try to take care of people in the hospice,
do private care, but I'm up all night.
So I was like, Jackie's program popped up
and I know that it was supposed to be what I needed.
And then another thing that happened to me that
for my birthday, every year I steal away
and go by myself and spend time with God.
And I was like, Lord,
what am I going to do this year for my birthday?
I just want to do something that's just really different.
And something came up with the Esther experience
that came up.
And I was like, I want to go to this so bad.
And when I looked at it, it said Mexico.
And I'm like, Lord, I want to go to Mexico.
And then we got the update and it said,
Destin, I'm like, oh my God, I'm a Florida girl.
So I was brought up in Pensacola right there
next to Destin.
So I have family where my kids' family lived there.
And I'm from that area and everything was beautiful.
And I had such a great time.
And that kind of propelled me to say,
no, you have to keep going.
You have to keep going because I do feel like
this is my last year single.
I really do.
But the question that I wanted to ask,
because some of my so-called friends,
I told them I was kicking everybody to the curb
and including my son who said, mom, you're too picky.
You could have been married, but you just so picky.
And then I told my girlfriends, I said,
well, one of them, I say, listen,
I don't want to date anybody that like have small kids
or if they have kids, which my son is 29.
At first I said younger than him, but then I did,
I moved it back a little bit.
And I said, okay, if they're in college or whatever,
but I'm open to, well, of course, grandkids and everything.
But, and they were like,
why are you gonna just put a line there?
God may help for you to be,
for you to take care of someone that has small kids.
I don't think I can do me like that.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I don't.
And she asked me, why was I so fearful of that?
And I can say the reservation I have is because
when she asked me that we send this restaurant
and I'm sitting here crying, all of us crying.
Cause we were telling our stories about things.
And I told her, I said, I had a couple of guys,
I have three kids and three dads.
So, and then I have a fourth guy that I talked to.
And those were very, all of those
were very short relationships,
but I've never had anybody to really do anything with me.
And it's just like, everybody come,
they do to me the same way.
And, you know, and they leave,
or well, actually I break up with them
because it's like the same thing.
And I was like, why can't I just have somebody for myself?
Why do you have to come with all these kids and everything?
But that's just the way I felt.
And I know it's a part of,
I have been delivered from all of that
in reference to the, you know,
even though I did the hard work,
but I'm actually, I am actually
in a healing minister at my church.
So I've have been through all of that already
because I also minister to other people as well.
But that day I did,
I didn't realize that I had that in me at that time,
but I have gotten past that
cause I don't actually feel like that the way I did before.
But I said, yeah, it's just like,
I've never had anybody like to myself.
And yeah, so that was what I just wanted to share there.
I do want to speak to that very,
I'm trying to speak to 30 seconds.
Vern, if that's your preference, that's your preference.
A lot of times we get way out of hand with,
don't block the Lord from doing something.
You've got this and got this and got this and got that.
You're going to choose the person you want to marry.
That's the truth.
God's not going to choose them for you.
Right.
Because he's not going to marry them.
He's not going to communicate with them.
He doesn't do the work in the marriage.
You do it.
But does God have a thought or say, yes, he does.
Because he knows what that person is going to be like
in five years, 10 years, but you have a preference
and God is not a guy.
He didn't even make you accept Jesus.
Right, right.
Way too far fetched was this thing
about what God's going to do.
He's not interested in robots.
It's the most important decision you ever made in your life. He did not force you to do it. He's not forcing you to marry someone
And you have a right to say, I don't want to date someone with children and I just want to give that back to you as your right
And if they don't understand that I know you may love them, but don't talk to them about it again because everybody just don't it. It's okay.
Maybe they want to marry somebody with the children. You don't want to marry some you don't raise all your children.
You don't want to go back and raise children. You're trying to relax. This is the latter years of your life, right?
You don't want to marry a man probably who ain't got nothing put up for retirement.
You don't want to have to struggle in this age and y'all will work at Walmart.
Like that's not the life you want and that's not the life you're gonna get because you can choose.
Yes. Now, let's say some man comes along to sweep you off your feet and you say he may have this
But he has all these things and it's worth it to me. It's your say-so as well.
Mm-hmm. So that's it. And you shouldn't be finding two men and me at 62 with no little baby. No way.
Well, that's true. But the guy that is true, but the guy that I was talking to the one that died
He actually had it. Well, he was just he was born in January. We had started talking in June
and so he had a little one and he was getting ready to to be getting ready to be 60 and
He tried to hide that. I want to say what I do want to say
I saw something come up where Laura said you want all of the you know, you want the attention. Yes, I do
You do I do want that attention and not having to to go, you know to go back to and you know
To be having to go back and start taking care a little kid because he did ask to marry me like a deathbed type
Thing before he died, but I was like, I don't care what's going on
I'm not that person looking for money or whatever and I don't know what you have because we had not gotten to know each other
but I knew he was a very big liar and
You know, he didn't tell me several things
I found out like I said through Holy Spirit on those things and and I was not going to marry him and then I had
Some people to my girl you could have got his no
I don't want that because it comes with a lot of stuff and then I would have had a little three-year-old at that
Well, he's seven now at that particular time that I figured because I married your dad
then you belong to me and I would have because I love taking care of people and doing stuff and you know,
And he would have been a part of my life
but and thank you to first said something about the Facebook dating because I was wondering if it was connected to
Who your friends are or whatever? Like yeah
It may it may not be your friend group
But if if anybody you talk to is friends with anybody you're friends with it'll show you on the show
Yeah, all the people they're friends with that you're friends with okay. Yeah
I'm excited. I'm ready. You should be
You're welcome Linda
I
Think no, that's how I guess okay, so
I'm getting old
I'm the one that's been divorced since
2004 been on every dating site known to man except not tinder or bumble because those are like
More recent and they're for youngsters in my opinion
Not the safest either but
I've been in some great relationships. I've met some wonderful guys online
I've been engaged twice
And I've maintained good friendships from with a few of those men just friendships
But I feel like
Like I've been on Facebook dating. I mean, yes, it's true. The same faces come up everywhere
and
so it's kind of like I don't know I mean, I'm kind of anxious or excited to get on the
Spirit match mate or mate match or whatever because I'm hoping that the same people ain't gonna be on there
Because I feel like I've exhausted all my
options because I've been
Doing online dating for such a long time
And they probably wonder that about me like oh here this woman's been out here for 20 years. What's wrong with her?
well
so
So you want to try a different pool? Maybe like I'm trying a different rule some community groups in the area
Yeah, yeah, maybe yeah, I was the event planner for the Milwaukee area Christian singles
It was fun, I loved it, but it was too close for comfort cuz
I know knew everybody so well. So it was like too weird to date
anybody in the group. Yeah. So I don't know that, you know, that
probably wasn't good for my chances. But I still want to I
still believe and I still want to get married again. And I
thought that I was to the point where I was like, Okay, Lord,
if if it's not to be I accept your will, I will be happy
being single. And then of course, you know, Jackie's thing
came up and I'm like, Oh, I'm gonna get in this challenge
thing. Yeah, okay, this is my last chance. Maybe maybe just
maybe though the good Lord is saying no, don't you give up
yet. So I'm excited, but maybe cautious.
That's true. Because you've been engaged twice you've been
married before?
Unfortunately, yes.
Why?
I was married for 20 years to an extreme narcissist. Yeah. And my
first marriage was only a year that was a physically abusive
situation. So too bad, too bad marriages. Only good thing that
came out of the second one was my two children. Blessings.
And how long were your engagements?
One was about a year. And the other one was about six months.
Yeah. And I broke things off because I felt in my I did not
feel peace because they were not at the level. They were not
Christ followers. I mean, I don't like to judge other
people, but I know what you're saying. They weren't at the
level that I was looking for.
That's right. Well, I understand that you have some hesitation
this go around, but we want to stand and believe with you,
Linda. And I believe that when our heart gets healed, that it
sees differently. And I believe that it's a desire for you, you
have a desire to be married, and then you're going to be married.
And so we're excited to stand with you. We watch people get
married all the time. And it is not far from our thoughts. You
know, after you watch miracles so much, you start to believe
that they really are true, right? You watch doing something
over and over, you know, that is totally doable. And nothing's
gonna stop you. Not your not your history. Not nothing. Not
anything that you think about yourself won't stop you. Um, it
just won't stop you. And so we believe we've seen, we've seen
them all.
Yeah, and I love that Jackie posts some all the engagements
and the weddings because I don't know about anybody else, but it
gives me hope. It's like, Oh, yeah, that's cool. There's
there's got to be someone out there for me.
Yeah, it is. It's a lot of people. It only takes one.
Thank you. You're welcome. Go for Mandy.
Oh, my goodness. Okay.
First of all, Ebony, this is only my second time being here.
But you crack me up. I'm like laughing at everything. You're
just so funny. And I'm like, this is awesome. Um, I don't
understand the phases really well. So when you were like,
stay at phase two, I was like, deal.
Okay, so I have a few questions. I'm going to clump these
together. I have not talked on the phone with anybody. I have
not. Now I've only been doing this for like a week and a half.
Like it hasn't been long, right? Or maybe two weeks now. I've had
a few conversations. I met a really great guy. And his name
was Robin. But he just looked too old. And I couldn't get over
that. And he has grown children. And I have a seven and eight
year old and I just felt like we're two different phases. But
such an awesome man of God. Like, we just taught he shared
his Facebook with me. So I got to look at his Facebook and
stuff like that, you know. And I told him I said, you know, I
just I didn't have peace about it. And I just let him know,
hey, I, you know, spent some time with God last night, I
really prayed into it. I just feel like we're two different
phases in life. And but you're such an awesome guy. And I have
a great group of women that I'm in community with that would
love to get to know you let me know if you're open to it. So he
was like, let me pray about it. And he got back to me like a day
later. And he was like, Okay, I'm open to meet these ladies,
you know, if I could be a blessing for someone. And so he
has three grown children, but they're all in between like
early 20s, like 20 through 25. And anyway, he's just such an
awesome guy. So I reached out to one lady on here that I felt
like God put on my heart. She said she's gonna pray about it.
And then anyway, okay, so there's that.
And then I had another one, you know, how we were talking about people just like vomiting all their stuff.
I literally was matched with this guy on ARC. I'm doing Facebook and ARC.
And I paid for ARC, which stinks that everyone's saying that no one responds because I'm like, oh, well, I just paid for three months of that.
So that's great.
This guy respond and he was like.
He was like, if I could relate to anybody in the Bible, it'd be David.
He goes without the idolatry.
And then I was like, OK, I was like, and hopefully without the murder, too.
And he goes, well, actually, and sends me his testimony on YouTube.
He has murdered somebody. And I'm like, what in the world is going on with these apps?
I so listen, this is my first.
It's my first time ever in my life doing a dating app.
And I'm like, I don't know. I mean, I'm so glad you were redeemed in the name of Jesus.
I'm like, hallelujah. The blood of Jesus has washed over you.
You've repented of your sins. You've been a born again believer, you know, all the things.
But I am like this to children like, no, thank you.
So anyway, I have. Yeah. So it's been a lot.
Oh, somebody. OK, so I'm just venting for those two, OK?
But for the my actual question, somebody said not to ask religious questions.
I literally thought that that was like my key to weeding out the not good ones.
So I must have missed that.
I have watched all the videos already in phase two because I had a six hour drive and I just knocked them all out.
So I thought I was like paying attention.
I guess I missed like because that's huge for me.
If we are not on the same page spiritually, I'm going to pull you up.
I want I and I don't want to change anybody.
So I want to know where you're at spiritually so that I can choose whether or not, you know.
Yeah. So I that is what I've been asking them.
OK, you're a Christian. Like, what does that look like for you?
Like, what is your walk with God look like?
I felt like that was OK answer, but you can let me know your honest opinion if I shouldn't be asking that.
So some people will respond with, well, I believe in God, but I don't go to church.
I'm like, OK, that's you know, that's fine.
The church can be the body like it doesn't have to be like a building.
You know, even though in my heart, I'm like, no, my man better go to church because it's only one day a week.
Like, you better get your butt out of bed.
But, you know, I don't say that to them.
Of course, I keep my comments in my head.
But then sometimes they'll be like, oh, I have a really, really close relationship with God.
Like we're you know, like me and God are close.
And I'm like, OK, like, what does that look like?
So I'm trying to get them to answer questions without me being like, do you read your Bible?
Do you do this?
Do you do that?
Because I don't want to be I'm not anyone's mom and that's not my place.
But I'm also wanting them to like open up about that.
So half the guys don't respond, which is great because I'm like, well, that's awesome.
You don't want to answer those questions because you're not there yet.
That saved us time.
So let me know what's going wrong.
Yeah, let me let me speak to that.
See, one of the things that happened is we believe that because someone tells us something that is true.
OK, so you believe that the measure of a person comes from the words that come out of their mouth.
OK, fruit inspectors.
And so a person to how many people are coaching?
He loves God.
He does this and he loves God.
Who told you he loved God?
He said he loved God.
He tried to have sex with you the next night, but he loves God.
He speaks in tongues.
He's a minister.
They tried to have sex with you last week.
And so you say this is your go ahead to get to know him because he loves God.
Right.
He reads his Bible and he does this in the church.
And so you so you say, oh, he's great because he said this.
And then what happens is when he shows up differently, what you say is, well, you say it.
Well, you say it.
And so you measured a person by what they said and not by who they are.
And so when we start off with this interview saying, oh, I need to know that you're this believer before I give you any, any, any time.
I don't want to waste my time investing in you.
Investment is part of the point is part of the package.
Yeah.
You're not going to get around it.
If you're going to date, you're going to invest in the greatest investment is in yourself.
And one investment that we as women have to make is learning how to be observant.
Yeah.
A man can preach the gospel, lay hands on the sick and watch them recover and not know how to communicate with you at home.
true not know how to lead his family he can lead a mega church and not know how to lead his family
yeah that's true he can be a father to people in ministry and not know how to be a father to
your children at home yeah you can listen to people in counseling and not know how to connect
with you and so what happens is when we go on dates with interview type questions it robs us
of the opportunity to get to know a person because as soon as they say they are what we're looking
for we no longer investigate yeah that's why we come up back at the end well he said and i thought
and it don't count for nothing because you could have observed that person and let them show up as
themselves don't rob people of the opportunity to be themselves when you come with all these
interview type questions and expectations people will be who you want them to be because you've
already told them who you want them to be but the beauty of dating someone is letting that person
show up and so if they want to come on the date with you in cuffs like a sailor let them curse
like a sailor instead of saying i know he ain't talking that way around me and it's like who are
you jesus i mean like who are you and when you have to like process that way like let them be
who they are and then you make a decision like this like oh i see he has a foul mouth well that's
just who he is i really don't prefer to keep company with people with foul mouths like you
don't have to take offense to who another person is when you give them freedom to be themselves and
you get to be who you are too that's the thing about when you start asking people spiritual
questions you really believe in your mind that you know them better than you do oh you really
don't know them at all right yes yes so we don't do spiritual questions we don't do like all these
deep conversations we kind of let things unfold and that's how you develop healthy communication
that's how you grow to get to know a person in a very authentic way so they can be themselves
and remember ladies when you're dating the greatest investment that you're ever making
is in yourself yeah okay i have one more quick question sorry go ahead okay so my non-negotiables
are um drinking smoking because i came out of a very heavy addiction to that um and so it's
something that i just yeah that's just one of the things i don't want it in my bloodline i don't want
it around my kids i don't want it around me um so a lot that cuts out like 95 of these men i mean
truthfully when they're like you know social i'm a social drinker well social could be um you drink
every weekend social could be you drink once a year so how do i go about that dude so i have
been just exiting every guy that's a social drinker social smoker and i have like i feel
like i've weeded out like 90% of men in america already and um yeah i just don't know what to do
with that but i really feel like i can't i really like that is something that god's really put on my
heart heavy to like don't lower my standards in those areas just because of my past i think that
uh now you want to go on a date so mandy it sounds like to me you're you you pick me because you
think that could possibly be your husband yeah much as you might not want to do this you're going
to enjoy this process better and you're going to learn how to set boundaries and grow if you date
for discovery yeah because you're gonna have to open up i don't if they drink it has nothing to
do with you they're not your husband so you're missing opportunities of dating because you think
that man is your husband and he's not your husband he's a date yeah and so sometimes we have these
thoughts before we come into this world that i don't want to date my husband well who and what
how are you going to grow and learn and have capacity for marriage trust me if anybody been
married before and divorced you know that marriage or you're a widow you know that marriage is
challenging yeah and it requires a level of capacity you have not known if you've never
been there before trust me it's like when somebody's been a parent i already know i'm
not a parent and it's something you don't get until you birth that child and all of a sudden
it's like oh it's just it's just and you can act like a parent and want to spank other people
children and tell them what they should do till you have your own when you have your own all that
you used to do you close your mouth because now you know it's different the same thing with
marriage and so it will do you well mainly today if a person is a social drinker it really has
There's nothing to do with you until they ask you to be more romantic with them or something if it's just a date
It's just a date and then when they say, you know, I really like getting to know you you say, um
Well, thanks Alicia. I like getting to know you also, but one of the things that I'm really big on is
Drinking and I know you say you do it socially but in order for me to go for it
I think you're a great guy and you're a believer and I like these things about you like at this point
You know if you've gotten to that point you can say I just don't do drinking
I have young children and that's not something that I'm willing to live with is that it's a deal-breaker for me
And that man may say to you. Oh
That's no big deal. I don't have to drink. I think you're worth it
And so like there's a lot of ways you can play these scenarios out
You don't have to you don't have to lower your standard and I'm gonna speed up so we get the last few but I'm gonna say
This mainly my therapist said that when she met her husband
She she didn't want to get in time of the day
She didn't even know he drank or smoked, but she told him one day in their conversation. I wouldn't marry a man that drank
She didn't find out to after they got married that he stopped drinking that day
And then next time they were talking they went on the hike
She said I wouldn't consider a man that smoked cigarette
He quit smoking cigarettes now am I saying go get you a man that smoking drinking hope he quit
That's not what I'm saying. But a lot of times we throw out. Well, God told me don't lower my standard good
Don't lower your standard, but you just don't know how things are working
And so when you do this streamlining you start cutting people out based on something
You know like they may say yeah, I'm a social drinker because they want to be honest, but they only had one drink this year
Yeah, and you're saying oh no, you're one drink this year. Oh, no
You didn't even give him a chance. So I had to think about last year was the last time I had a drink
I don't drink. I
Don't know. I just kind of grew out of it
But if somebody asked me have you had a drink in a year and I would say yeah
I'm like, oh, I don't I don't want to deal with you. It's like what?
Mm-hmm. It was a sip of a margarita and I didn't even finish it
But what happens is when you start measuring that way you you give me what I'm saying Mandy. Yes. Thank you so much
Thank you
Okay
I'll turn
Yeah, and then you're in the after Felicia is you Lenina
Hey, yeah
I remember that you say as long as I'm pretty doesn't matter what he looks like. I mean, I don't want that looks too bad
But anyway, um, so
Few things so the other guy I just kind of you know, even though it's really nice me
You do what Felicia I can't hear you I
Think you're on mute
Felicia
You
Are you hearing me we hear you now? Yeah. Oh and ladies Harry
Hold up one second Felicia ladies if you're new the session in the a 15
You are always welcome to exit. I just because a lot of ladies hands were up for a long time
I'd like to go ahead and take those questions because their hands were already up
But you don't don't feel like obliged to stay on the call
You can exit in time you like I just want to say that to you go ahead Felicia
Yes, I nicely kind of let him understand that you know, he was not the person that I'm really looking for and because it's a discovery
I just want to you know, nicely know that he didn't want to really have it, but he wasn't disrespectful
He was just claiming that I was his and all of that good stuff
But anyway, I had an experience where I had met this other guy. I didn't meet him
I talked to him on the phone and I mean everything you want to say and I just want to say, you know
everything that you guys teach is so on point and
You know
Do you follow the guidelines just talk about that last week and I still don't get to post on the group because there's so much
Come at me and then I'm like, oh my god
But you know everything he said everything about the whole Bible
I mean not really going to it, but he kind of talked, you know, say I'm a gift
I'm a really gift and it doesn't matter if it's for him or for someone else
I'm really a gift and all the great things what I got to maybe after two days talking to him
I felt I need to have a video call and I kind of was feeling my spirit that I need to kind of put that
Out there that I need a video call. Let me tell her this is that this man. He he was like the man
could say, but because I'm not, I don't attach to people, you know, by what they say, I kind of need
to see action. So I said to him, so today we're going to need to do a video call. And you know,
this is the guideline I follow, and that's what it's going to be. And nicely, and he, I said,
if we can, if you can't do that, cause he keep going around it, his phone doesn't give it, he
can't find a way to do it. I don't know a lot of going around, but I honestly think before maybe
he didn't understand it, but I just think that something was not sounding right. So I told him
that, and then that was it. I said, we're not going to have another conversation unless you do
a video call. And he just didn't do it. I don't know what happened to him. And like I said, you
know, you hear the great things, you hear the word. I mean, he didn't get into much of it,
but you know, that's what a man would say, you know, you're a gift, you're a nice woman,
someone I would want, you know, God, you know, the scripture about a man finds a wife,
he finds a good thing. And I'm not, I am not all for that because I got to see when you're walking
around me and you're driving in the car, if you're going to curse at someone, if they turn on you,
those are the things I'm looking for. Like you said, you can see, you know, God, you read the
word and I'm telling you, you got to see them in action. And then it moved from there. Now,
another, and let me tell you, I learned, I'm learning so much. I say that every week,
listen, this jungle, Facebook dating, that's the one I stuck to really. I learned so much.
I'm picking, I'm getting to know me, I'm getting to, you know, find where I'm at, you know,
am I attaching to this one because he said that or not. And now I'm talking to this other guy and,
you know, I'm just, I'm just, I'm a fruit inspector. I get to be a professional fruit inspector.
I don't get to judge. And I don't get to, let me tell you, it's so exciting to do that. And when I
get in those places where I'm kind of feeling like, you know, I'm tired of it. Like Ebony said,
I start to go out and I just, oh, I saw a guy yesterday when I went to the DMV and he,
I have a cleaning business sign on my car. And he said, are you looking for hired help? I said,
I'm looking for many different hired help. I'm looking for a husband. I'm looking for people
to work for me. And he's tall and he's older, but he looks good. And I'm like,
I'm looking for a husband, people to work for me. I mean, whatever he was laughing,
he was cracking up. So yeah, what you're saying is so true. But what I'm saying is,
are you thinking, do you think I'm too picky or I'm too direct? Because, you know, I clean it up.
I let them know that, listen, if it's not gonna, if it's going to waste my emotional time to leave
me in a place where I think you're somebody and you're not, let's, let's talk about that right
now. I don't have the time. I schedule time to do these things. I put different people in schedule
and I inspect the food. I'm kind of thinking I haven't meet someone yet. I'm looking for people
around my era close to me. They're kind of, you can see them playing, like they texting buddy.
They're looking for casual. And I asked them, I said, what does that mean? So they might put it
up there. They don't know, you know, I said, what does casual mean? And they explained someone to
just hang out with and, you know, kind of see where it goes. I said, well, I don't know if
I'm looking for that. You know, my intentions are different and they will be like, wow,
you know what you want? Yes, I do. Do you think I'm kind of too direct or I'm too,
you know, I'm kind of wondering. Well, you, you know, I'm very direct. So I enjoy, I think it's
kind to be direct. But you may be being a little too picky and you don't need to be picky. You just
need to pick somebody who looks like they, they're safe enough to meet for coffee. Cause I want you
on a coffee date. And so I want you to, if they say they're just casual, it doesn't matter. If
they match your truth and they want to go to a coffee date, you go to a coffee date because
they're not your husband. And so it didn't matter if they were looking for a friend, a casual,
you looking for a date. And I want you to go on a date because you can't inspect that
much fruit from on the other side of the screen. You have to actually get to know people.
That is so true. It makes all the sense. I'm so excited to go on a date. Let me tell you,
I'm so excited. Listen, I'm kind of, I don't care. Okay. Yeah. Get somebody. I want you to go on a
date soon. Try to get a date for next Friday if you're free or Saturday to the coffee shop.
Yeah. I'm a beautiful woman. So I know you can get a date quickly.
Yes I am. I think I'm too picky. All right. I'm going to work on that. Thank you, Ebony.
You're welcome. Um, no, there's nothing wrong with you putting on your profile
that you're looking for a long-term relationship on your profile, Laura.
Go ahead Lamina. Hi ladies. Um, I'd just like to say, uh, this is my first
time and I just want to thank everybody for being so brutally honest and up front and genuine.
I love a community where women can be themselves and uplift each other instead of tearing each
other down. So this is wonderful. This is very difficult for me because I don't know that I ever
really dated. I had little two little boyfriends in high school and then I went to college and I
was the good girl and I dated two boys and I dated and I married the second one and was married for a
long long time before I was divorced and married him again and now I'm here 50 years old and
haven't dated in 20 plus years. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to swipe. I don't know
how to get on these app things. I found Jackie by like these these you know circumstances and
everything came together and and I was like yes I know I don't want to be single. I want to be a
helpmate. I know I was built to be a helpmate so I want to find my soul mate, my soul tie, all of that
goodness. I just don't know how to do it. This challenge is weirding me out. I don't know how
I'm supposed to do this. I know I'm gonna be on a cruise in about 20 days. I treated myself to a
cruise to Europe and I am ready for whatever life brings but I'm like can you date in a foreign land
and and come back with an Italian prince of a husband? I don't know. I don't know. I just
I'm like I'm ready for anything but I don't know that I know how to do this.
I don't know how to do this. I'm being completely honest in the front. So most of the ladies can
attest with your testimony that they don't know how to date. I never dated before I dated before
this program. When I went off to, well I dated like my high school sweetheart like 12 for like
six years. He was the only person and then I said Lord. I came out of the relationship. I was like
Lord you keep me until you send my husband and so then I married my ex-husband very quickly. I
didn't date. We didn't even date long before we got married and then so even though I was young,
I'm not as young anymore. I didn't have experience with dating and most women that come into don't
have experience with dating. Dating is like nerve-wracking. It can be challenging to put
yourself out there like that. It's not just you Lenina and your age. I know you feel like it
matters and I know a lot of times when ladies are in a group and you're with younger ladies it feels
like oh well we're older. All those things don't count for us but more older, more seasoned individuals
get married in this program. It's the season. If you see the pictures, it's women that are well-aged and
men that are aged get married a lot in this program. It's not just young people you see getting married
and so I want you to know that my friend Ralph, he was 64. He was in the program. He was one of the
men mentors and he married Diana and she was in this program and she was 55 and he moved to New
York where she was because she still had children. They were in high school and she had a custody
thing where she couldn't move out of state. So all I'm saying is
it's gonna happen. It's happening. It happens all the time and everyone is nervous about it and you
get to do, think of it like this, you get to do what you never done before and that's learn Lenina
in a way that you've not known her. You don't know that woman because you haven't spent, you
haven't had opportunity to spend time with her and yes, is it scary? But can it be done? Yes. Is it
worth it? Yeah. What Jackie said, we can do anything. Is it hard? But is it worth it? And so take your time,
watch dating 101 video. The other videos, they're also good and will help you make your profile,
get you some pretty pictures and then set up the profile. I did that. I did that for my 50th.
I got some great ones. Oh good. Take some pictures of your profile and put them on, post them on the
community wall. I will. Okay and as soon as you get somebody you think you may want to hang out with,
post it. Tell us about it. You don't, don't y'all don't feel pressure like you'd hair up and answer
people those men back because they say something to you. You don't. It's okay. No pressure and remember
we're interested in live dates. Live dates. That means I want a coffee date within a week of meeting
a person.
You're not a texting buddy. You are wanting a date because it's gonna feel really good when you go
Sounds good
Anything else lenina
No, thank you. Okay, so we we know we don't talk about sex and exes and all the deep stuff
So, where do you start?
Where do you start?
I think you should this is what I would do and we tell all the ladies to do you just
Go to google or ask chat gpt icebreaker questions for the first date
You're gonna get a lot of questions
You can ask ask on a date and when you get on that confident you can say okay
I got some icebreaker questions from chat gpt. Let's do the first one
And then you pick a few that you like and just ask the questions and you're gonna have so much fun
And you're gonna laugh. It's like okay. This is pretty cool
I see you michelle. You got it
Yeah, but do it like that, you know
Okay
Yeah, thank you
You're welcome
Okay, ladies, you rest. Well, it was fun as always and I look forward to seeing you guys post on the wall
We want to know how you're doing what you're doing
And i'm if that's all
We're gonna say good night, and I will see you
Are you about to say something burn?
Yes
Um, I had to go take care of my guy for a second
But I heard someone say something about dating site, oh you said post on what were you saying post on what were you saying?
Put up your profile
So that I could see it
her dating profile
Oh, you was telling her to post her dating. Yeah, she can post her dating profile. Yeah. Okay. I just want to see it
Okay. Thanks. All right, you're welcome. You all you ladies are welcome. I hope you rest well, and i'll be seeing you soon
Have a good night
Thank you. God bless. Good night. Good night. Thank you
You