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All right, welcome, welcome, ladies.

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It is July 22nd, this is the 1 o'clock Eastern Love Story Accelerator check-in call.

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My name is Karla Johnson.

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For those ladies that do not know me, I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year Single.

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I was a student at first, found Jackie in 2020, and am a success story, have now been

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married almost two years, and was able to meet my spirit mate after a couple years in

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the program.

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So it is an honor and a pleasure to be able to walk this journey with you ladies on the

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same journey that I had been and be able to just pour wisdom into you ladies and just

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be your number one cheerleader for your love story that God has written for you.

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I've experienced it myself.

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I've experienced the highs, the lows, and everything in between, so just know that I

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am your sister in the corner that is here for you, okay?

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Do I have any ladies that this is their first time here in Love Story Accelerator, call

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it phase two, kind of, if you will.

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Do I have any newbies?

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Yes, Demarius, good to see you.

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I see a couple people that I do not typically recognize.

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Yes, Helen, first time with you, yes, yes, yes, awesome.

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Well, ladies, it is such a pleasure to be with you ladies on this journey, so I'm just

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going to take a few minutes to kind of just go over a couple housekeeping items, and then

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we'll get started and open the floor up for questions, okay?

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So for those of you that are brand new, I want to reassure you that it's this dating,

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we call this the dating phase, but if you need to just kind of sit back and absorb,

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you're more than welcome to do it.

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We're not going to push you out of the nest right away if it's not what you're ready for,

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but we do want you to sit and just take in what we do coach here, and within some time,

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we do want to get you out and get you dating and get you interacting with people, coming

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out of hiding, letting friends and family know that, hey, you're single and ready to

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mingle, you want to be set up, maybe you feel called that you can do the whole online dating

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thing.

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We have a video for that in our content for those of you ladies that this will be your

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first time online dating since heartwork, okay?

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And so I know it is not uncommon for people to come into this phase and just remind us

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how much they do not like online dating.

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We get it.

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I get it.

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I was the same way.

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Okay.

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I did online dating before this program.

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I have the horror stories for it.

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And so then, you know, when Jackie's like, go ahead and go online dating, I was like,

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but no, it's terrible.

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I had to approach it with a different heart and a different perspective.

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And I can say that it was a much more pleasant experience after getting heartwork and having

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a community like this to be able to share the experiences that I had, okay, didn't mean

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that I didn't have some, you know, not so fun guys that I was talking to, but I had

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a community that was here to support me and help me discover more about myself.

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And what I liked and what I didn't like, what I was willing to accept and when I wasn't

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and was able to take every single one of those experience, good, bad, ugly, and make it an

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opportunity for growth.

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And so that's why we call, you'll hear us oftentimes myself and Ebony share with you

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ladies that this is a discovery dating.

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Okay.

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This is to discover more about you and about other people, what you like and what you don't.

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Okay.

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To uncover areas of your heart that will, you'll get, go some through some revealings

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for healings.

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Okay.

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Heartwork doesn't stop just because we're out of phase one, the heartwork continues,

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believe it or not.

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Heartwork will continue into your marriages as well.

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I can say that from my own experience, I'm kind of going through it right now myself,

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realizing that I have some triggers from my past.

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that are starting to surface and I am feeling what I felt years ago and it's

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coming up in marriage because it's a safe place for me to heal now and so God

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is allowing those opportunities to come so that I can just grow deeper in my

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relationship with the Lord, grow closer with my husband and my kids and just to

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continue my my healing journey. So artwork doesn't stop, all right? So just

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keep that in mind. I think I've touched on most of it just yeah still hard work

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here. Remember everyone in this phase we all like we're all here to support one

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another and your journey isn't going to be the same as somebody else's, okay? And

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so don't compare yourself just because someone's ready to go like hey I'm into

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dating and I'm gonna take I'm gonna get after that seven-day challenge. If that's

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not where you're at and you need to ease in and maybe just dip a toe into the

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swimming pool first and kind of inch your way in that's fine too. Also just a

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reminder, there's really no hard rules here in last year's single but we do

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give you guardrails for you to be able to put into practice, okay? I want you

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ladies to start trusting yourself, be able to come to our community, let us

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coaches know what you're experiencing, what's surfacing, what's coming up

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because we're here to help you walk through that and process any and all

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things that you experience. I do want to encourage you ladies not to rush through

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this phase. I just have to disclose this because I know this happens frequently.

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Many women get here into you know they y'all are told not to date in phase one

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then we give you the green light here in phase two and then ladies want to

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rush out of phase two because they want to get to phase three because they think

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that's where all the men are at. Okay, yes we have a co-ed community all right but

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ladies I will I can't emphasize this enough if you do not take time to go

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through and process this phase you're just gonna crash and burn in phase three

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okay and it's not that you're not going to be able to get lifted up okay don't

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don't hear what I'm not saying okay it's not like you're not don't be

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devastated okay I'm just saying you really want to make sure that you absorb

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through each phase what what's necessary okay the men aren't going anywhere your

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spirit mate isn't going anywhere okay God's timing is perfect believe it or

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not I was in this program for almost two years and I had the highs and the lows

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you know I thought it wasn't gonna happen for me but it was God's timing

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and can I tell you if I met my husband any sooner I wouldn't I wouldn't have

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been ready for him I I would have I would have like cut and run in fact I

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almost cut and run before I even met him in person okay I would not have been

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ready had I met him a few months prior okay so trust the process trust that

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God's got you all right there's no rush okay and here's the thing we want to

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think we know how God's gonna bring her husband but the truth is ladies we never

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really know I my love story is was not the way I would have written it but it

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is the best way it was written like God literally wrote it the best way okay and

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and my way would not have been as good his way was way better okay so I know

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some of you're thinking oh well if I can just get to the men in phase three that's

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where I'm gonna meet my spirit mate well he might be there he might not all

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right so let's sit through this phase take it in you got at least minimum four

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to five weeks so you might as well get everything you can get out of it okay

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and after five weeks if you feel like you're ready by all means you're ready

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you're free to go but I do have a lot of ladies that stick around for longer than

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five weeks and so that's fine too Stephanie and you know what Stephanie

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but you've you've shown up and have had so much growth and you are taking your

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time and allowing the process to work and in no time you're gonna be ready for

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phase three like Stephanie just went on her very first day

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in a really long time y'all like she didn't rush through the process and she is learning and

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growing and having lots of success okay so just keep that in mind i feel like there was one more

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thing i was going to share with you ladies oh yes um i want you ladies to make sure that you're

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checking out the resource tab in the app there's all sorts of good information in that resource

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tab so make sure that you actually go through that um it will give you instructions on how to move

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over when you're done in in love story accelerator so there's that there's the attachment style quiz

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which is really good there's the um last year single affiliate link so you can share

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our community with people that you know i actually encourage a lot of women and we've actually had

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this recently um where there's some guys that ladies have gone on dates with that have been

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great fantastic men but they just weren't their spirit mate good good solid guys but there just

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wasn't a connection but they're like but maybe maybe they're there for somebody else in the

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community if that's the case then you can definitely encourage those men to come to our

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community jackie has a men's page on her link um but if you have that affiliate link and they decide

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to join then you get um compensated okay and that goes with any of your girlfriends too

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okay so kathy your link wasn't working um we'll look into that some more here in a little bit um

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we can kind of maybe try to troubleshoot some if need be but yeah make sure you check out that

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resource tab lots of good stuff okay all right i see i've got four hands up i'm going to quickly

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pray five hands awesome i'm going to pray for us real quick and then i will go ahead and take

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your questions i'm not going to do a whole lot of teaching because i feel like we get so much

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teaching from y'all's experience so it always ends up working out that i get to touch on things that

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just holy spirit kind of already puts in my heart already so we're gonna let you ladies kind of

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you know ask your questions and holy spirit is going to be be part of part of our journey here

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okay all right so heavenly father i thank you for this time together lord um you know and i just

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so thank you for the opportunity to pour into these ladies and be part of each and everyone's

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love story that you have perfectly written for them lord i just pray that the women feel

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encouraged feel loved and feel just seen by you and that you are fully invested in their love

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story lord that you are so intentional the story love story that you have written for them is so

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intentional and so intricately woven and you have all the details figured out before we even know

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the details and i just thank you for the love and the care and the consideration that you put into

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our spirit mates lord you you place those desires in our hearts you know when i i pray that you know

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on this process and in this journey lord that whatever healing that needs to take place in the

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hearts of the women in this community that you are gentle and kind and that those things get worked

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out so that their marriages can be fully accelerated for your kingdom that the healing

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takes place before they meet their spirit mate so it is just an easier road for them when they

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find their spirit mate so lord i just ask you to continue to bless them nurture them

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show them they're loved and cared for and continue to work on the hearts of the men

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and help their healing so that they are fully ready to see their wives

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and i pray this in jesus name amen all right okay got lots more hands up how many people

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do we have on today i got lots of you here always good all right 18 of us awesome and i've got eight

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hands up so ladies just remember please keep things short brief and powerful okay i can't

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take the five minute backstory so just come out with your question the first sentence or two

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needs to be a question all right so i want you to sit especially if you got your hand

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Hands up, okay?

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Just think, what is the actual question that you have for me?

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If I need some background details,

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we will definitely unpack those, okay?

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Tina, I see your hand first, so I'm gonna grab you first.

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What's your question for us today?

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Good morning.

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Good morning.

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I just want your feedback.

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I went on a second coffee date with a guy

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and very, I like him, we're clicking.

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So really only talked to him for two hours so far.

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Okay.

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And so I think I've discovered something about myself

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and I've been doing some like nervous system somatics

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type of work to help me process emotion.

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Okay.

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Anyway, so he messaged me,

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he has messaged me after we've either gone for coffee

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and we've had a couple of phone calls

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and he's given me some compliments

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and I'm liking the person.

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And so I am finding that I have a fire in my belly

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and I'm discovering that, you know,

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I don't really know this person.

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So that is, I believe, a desire inside of me

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and it's showing me what I want.

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My love language is words of affirmation.

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So.

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Okay.

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So I've been married twice before.

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I slept with both of them after dating for about six weeks,

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similar fire in my belly.

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I am not going to let that happen this time.

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And so I think what I'm recognizing

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is that like I'm not projecting that onto this individual.

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It's just, you know, I've received.

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You're getting excited about it, like you like it.

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Yeah, and I'm receiving, you know,

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these words of affirmation, which speaks to me.

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Okay.

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So I believe in the past I was projecting

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what I was feeling, thinking it was this particular guy,

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you know, but I believe it's showing me that I'm,

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you know, it's from inside of me.

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Okay.

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So my deep desires are coming.

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Okay.

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So tell me what about him do you like?

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Yeah.

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Let's start unpacking.

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Okay.

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What qualities and characteristics

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do you find attractive about him?

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And let's see, are these healthy,

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healthy things to be attracted to?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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He's, he's a godly man.

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He's very respectful.

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He's asked me quite a few questions

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about what I believe in, like my,

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kind of-

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You're cutting out a little bit.

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Questions.

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Oh, sorry.

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So I heard the ask question.

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I'm guessing he's asking questions about your faith.

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Yes.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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And we are finding that we have very similar views.

230
00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:18.760
Okay.

231
00:18:18.920 --> 00:18:20.440
Theological views.

232
00:18:22.720 --> 00:18:25.840
And yeah.

233
00:18:25.840 --> 00:18:26.680
Okay.

234
00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:29.120
So how have you seen the fruit?

235
00:18:29.120 --> 00:18:30.360
So these are good things.

236
00:18:30.360 --> 00:18:31.400
Okay.

237
00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:33.400
You're seeing that he's respectful.

238
00:18:33.400 --> 00:18:36.880
What are some examples of how he's shown you respect

239
00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:38.240
or others respect?

240
00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:45.160
Well, he's told stories about, you know,

241
00:18:45.160 --> 00:18:47.200
how he helped his neighbor,

242
00:18:47.240 --> 00:18:49.360
who's estranged from his son.

243
00:18:49.360 --> 00:18:51.360
This guy's a senior, his neighbor,

244
00:18:51.360 --> 00:18:54.040
and he took him to get hearing aids.

245
00:18:54.920 --> 00:18:55.960
Okay, cool.

246
00:18:55.960 --> 00:18:57.200
That's, I love that.

247
00:18:57.200 --> 00:19:01.760
So you're seeing fruit in him.

248
00:19:01.760 --> 00:19:03.120
So that's all good things.

249
00:19:03.120 --> 00:19:04.320
We want to continue,

250
00:19:04.320 --> 00:19:06.640
as you're getting to know him and dating him,

251
00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:08.040
you want to see those fruits.

252
00:19:08.040 --> 00:19:10.560
So you're going to get on more dates.

253
00:19:10.560 --> 00:19:11.400
Okay.

254
00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:14.080
See him in action, get in community,

255
00:19:14.080 --> 00:19:15.480
be around people,

256
00:19:15.480 --> 00:19:17.760
see how he interacts with people.

257
00:19:19.320 --> 00:19:21.240
So those are all good things.

258
00:19:23.200 --> 00:19:26.000
You mentioned the physical boundaries.

259
00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:26.840
Okay.

260
00:19:26.840 --> 00:19:27.840
That, you know,

261
00:19:27.840 --> 00:19:31.200
that is one area where I will definitely coach you

262
00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:34.520
because I can relate to that as well.

263
00:19:34.520 --> 00:19:37.360
It's going to be important for you

264
00:19:37.360 --> 00:19:40.960
to make sure that you don't put yourself in situations

265
00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:42.960
where you're going to be alone with him.

266
00:19:44.320 --> 00:19:45.160
Right?

267
00:19:45.640 --> 00:19:47.840
And then making, you know,

268
00:19:47.840 --> 00:19:49.600
making yourself accountable,

269
00:19:49.600 --> 00:19:50.880
come and letting us know.

270
00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:52.520
I think that ladies,

271
00:19:52.520 --> 00:19:54.840
if you need help with accountability,

272
00:19:54.840 --> 00:19:57.600
that's what this community is for.

273
00:19:57.600 --> 00:20:00.040
Like I recall, I did that one.

274
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.480
time I went on a date with a guy and we went to a concert and he was a he was a really attractive guy

275
00:20:07.040 --> 00:20:14.720
he had some foul language which I didn't love um there was definitely some yellowish red flags

276
00:20:14.720 --> 00:20:21.040
but he would when we were at this concert he would put his hand on the small of my back

277
00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:30.800
and he would grab my hand and ladies I would get I got excited and I knew I was like oh

278
00:20:31.760 --> 00:20:39.680
it felt really good to feel like this guy saw me like he was being physically affectionate to me

279
00:20:40.320 --> 00:20:48.480
now we didn't kiss but just the touching was enough to excite me and I got home from that

280
00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:54.880
date and I came and shared it in my community to hold myself accountable so that's important to

281
00:20:54.880 --> 00:21:02.160
hold yourself accountable in those situations okay I think this is all really good you're

282
00:21:02.800 --> 00:21:07.200
you're you're getting to know them you've had a couple dates a couple you know it sounds like

283
00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:15.600
you've had like what two one-hour dates yeah yeah that's good um definitely are you doing active

284
00:21:15.600 --> 00:21:23.360
dates they've been coffee okay sitting down for coffee yeah yeah definitely get out do some more

285
00:21:23.360 --> 00:21:29.680
active things you know maybe where you're interacting with people um that sort of thing

286
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:39.280
um I love that this is starting to open you up to like what is it that you desire and it's

287
00:21:39.280 --> 00:21:45.360
you're again when you're noticing those things that's super important to be processing those

288
00:21:45.360 --> 00:21:52.240
things with the lord 100 because this is discovery dating you're learning about you you you're

289
00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:57.360
discovering like what you like you like someone that's going to give you words of affirmation and

290
00:21:57.360 --> 00:22:01.600
you've got someone that's giving you words of affirmation you're also learning okay I'm going

291
00:22:01.600 --> 00:22:08.080
to put up some healthy boundaries because I've learned in my past relationships I kind of let

292
00:22:08.080 --> 00:22:13.760
things go too quickly so I'm going to pace myself a little differently this time okay

293
00:22:16.080 --> 00:22:23.680
did I cover what you were hoping to kind of unpack or is there more yes thank you for that

294
00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:28.880
feedback I just wanted to put it out there and bounce it off of you so thanks I love it I love

295
00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:34.160
it it sounds really good I love that you're showing up letting us know ladies it's a great way

296
00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:40.000
just to always be coming here and processing with us okay whether it's on the live call or you're

297
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:48.400
or you're posting in the app okay super important it's one of the reasons why I think I was as

298
00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:55.920
successful as I was in this community because I was not afraid to share with the ladies what my

299
00:22:56.240 --> 00:23:04.480
dating situations were like so just know that we are a safe space for that all right Kathy how are

300
00:23:04.480 --> 00:23:10.480
you I'm great I'm so sorry I missed last week I was really looking forward to talking to you last

301
00:23:10.480 --> 00:23:16.960
week but it's been another week which is good because I can reflect on my situation yes yes

302
00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:21.360
that's right I've refreshed my memory just a little bit because I know we were going to unpack

303
00:23:21.360 --> 00:23:26.480
that and you couldn't come on so as quick as I can and first can I just say Juanita who used to

304
00:23:26.480 --> 00:23:31.760
be in the group and everybody should remember her she's having gallbladder surgery on the 30th

305
00:23:31.760 --> 00:23:37.600
Wednesday the 30th so if we could just pray for her absolutely be super great because she already

306
00:23:37.600 --> 00:23:42.800
moved up to three and she can't get back to two so but I'm sure I would bring that up because I

307
00:23:42.800 --> 00:23:47.280
know a lot of you ladies know her yeah and definitely ladies get on those prayer calls too

308
00:23:47.280 --> 00:23:54.240
we have a prayer call every single day of the week and you know definitely because that's where

309
00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:58.400
you're going to be able to connect with other ladies that were in this phase with you that

310
00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:04.000
might have moved on or ladies that you would have been in phase one with that didn't make it to

311
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:08.960
phase two yet and they're just taking a little little longer in phase one you can still connect

312
00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:15.200
with them on those prayer calls okay um but thank you for sharing that we'll definitely keep her and

313
00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:21.520
our our prayers for the 30th thank you for sure we love her so my situation was I had found a

314
00:24:21.520 --> 00:24:27.280
gentleman that lived about three months three hours away and we were we connected I think two

315
00:24:27.280 --> 00:24:32.320
weeks after um we had met but I had gone on vacation and I got in vacation mode I didn't

316
00:24:32.320 --> 00:24:36.000
really want to chat a lot with him and he was trying to chat a lot and I kind of pushed him

317
00:24:36.000 --> 00:24:41.440
back a little bit and then so I got back and then I was just go go and he was go go we never got a

318
00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:47.280
chance to have a video date which is so important so I've learned so many things about long-distance

319
00:24:47.280 --> 00:24:53.280
dating in the short time that I wanted to share him because there's not a really video about that

320
00:24:53.280 --> 00:24:59.840
that I could find and I you were very helpful with that too we talked about it but when he got here so

321
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.920
He came the 4th, 5th, and 6th of July.

322
00:25:02.920 --> 00:25:05.040
So we had agreed that he would come in the afternoon.

323
00:25:05.040 --> 00:25:07.680
We'd have lunch and probably dinner.

324
00:25:07.680 --> 00:25:10.880
And then Saturday, I arranged a blueberry picking thing

325
00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:12.440
or a blackberry picking thing.

326
00:25:12.440 --> 00:25:14.040
And we met some friends.

327
00:25:14.040 --> 00:25:15.720
Anyhow, had dinner.

328
00:25:15.720 --> 00:25:16.560
It was just a lot.

329
00:25:16.560 --> 00:25:17.840
And Sunday, we did church together.

330
00:25:17.840 --> 00:25:20.240
So that's way too much for a first.

331
00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:24.360
Yeah, the church, I would have definitely advised away

332
00:25:24.360 --> 00:25:26.540
from it, but it's fine, okay.

333
00:25:26.540 --> 00:25:27.380
Less is more, right?

334
00:25:27.900 --> 00:25:30.180
He went to a church similar to mine where he lived.

335
00:25:30.180 --> 00:25:32.480
So I knew it was gonna be very similar.

336
00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:35.220
And he had heard my speaker before he'd been to his church

337
00:25:35.220 --> 00:25:36.100
or my pastor.

338
00:25:36.100 --> 00:25:39.020
So anyhow, so I learned that.

339
00:25:39.020 --> 00:25:41.100
And here's the funny thing.

340
00:25:41.100 --> 00:25:42.260
By the time he got here,

341
00:25:42.260 --> 00:25:46.500
and we'd had a lot of phone conversations and texting,

342
00:25:46.500 --> 00:25:49.940
he was in phase four and I was in phase two.

343
00:25:49.940 --> 00:25:50.780
Hey, let's get together.

344
00:25:50.780 --> 00:25:54.100
So explain to me, what was he doing that like,

345
00:25:54.100 --> 00:25:56.740
was he like trying to get physical with you?

346
00:25:57.100 --> 00:26:00.820
Yeah, I mean, so he got here, brought me a dozen roses.

347
00:26:00.820 --> 00:26:01.660
Yay, check.

348
00:26:01.660 --> 00:26:03.120
That's great.

349
00:26:03.120 --> 00:26:03.960
Very sweet.

350
00:26:03.960 --> 00:26:05.100
Nice, okay, good.

351
00:26:05.100 --> 00:26:06.660
Went to lunch, he took my hand.

352
00:26:06.660 --> 00:26:08.660
Like you had your, I didn't have.

353
00:26:08.660 --> 00:26:10.300
So when he got here, he goes,

354
00:26:10.300 --> 00:26:11.940
oh my gosh, you're so much more beautiful

355
00:26:11.940 --> 00:26:13.100
than your pictures.

356
00:26:13.100 --> 00:26:14.260
And I was like, oh my gosh,

357
00:26:14.260 --> 00:26:17.240
you're not near as cute as your pictures.

358
00:26:17.240 --> 00:26:18.980
It was completely opposite.

359
00:26:18.980 --> 00:26:20.140
I was like, you know,

360
00:26:20.140 --> 00:26:22.340
and I'm not gonna be the shallow Kathy.

361
00:26:22.340 --> 00:26:24.700
I'm gonna, this could be a slow burn,

362
00:26:24.700 --> 00:26:27.740
because I know people that aren't super physical attractive

363
00:26:27.740 --> 00:26:28.900
but I mean, his picture,

364
00:26:28.900 --> 00:26:31.380
I had him take a newer one than he had with his sister,

365
00:26:31.380 --> 00:26:33.480
but it still did not do him.

366
00:26:33.480 --> 00:26:36.300
It still wasn't, didn't, it wasn't the same.

367
00:26:36.300 --> 00:26:38.380
Yeah, like some people are not photogenic

368
00:26:38.380 --> 00:26:39.380
and you'll be surprised.

369
00:26:39.380 --> 00:26:40.700
Like you see them and you're like,

370
00:26:40.700 --> 00:26:41.700
oh, they don't look that great.

371
00:26:41.700 --> 00:26:43.620
And then you see them in person, you're like, oh, wow.

372
00:26:43.620 --> 00:26:46.820
And then there's the other ones where they are photogenic

373
00:26:46.820 --> 00:26:48.660
and then you see them in person and you're like,

374
00:26:48.660 --> 00:26:51.180
oh, you look different.

375
00:26:51.620 --> 00:26:55.580
So yes, video calls, that is important.

376
00:26:55.580 --> 00:26:57.420
Like video calls, for sure.

377
00:26:57.420 --> 00:27:00.100
And I talked to another friend who had a video call

378
00:27:00.100 --> 00:27:02.420
until they even physically got there in person,

379
00:27:02.420 --> 00:27:03.780
they still didn't get it.

380
00:27:03.780 --> 00:27:07.080
And once the person was there, so it's gonna help,

381
00:27:07.080 --> 00:27:09.500
but it's not gonna be a fail safe totally I found.

382
00:27:09.500 --> 00:27:12.140
So I'm like, okay, good, good to know.

383
00:27:12.140 --> 00:27:13.900
But we went to lunch, he took my hand.

384
00:27:13.900 --> 00:27:16.220
I'm like, okay, well, I kind of like that a little bit,

385
00:27:16.220 --> 00:27:17.600
you know, that's all right and stuff.

386
00:27:17.600 --> 00:27:19.560
And he, anyhow, he came back,

387
00:27:19.560 --> 00:27:22.320
we were talking, talking, learning about each other.

388
00:27:22.320 --> 00:27:24.160
Anyhow, he was like, oh, I just wanna kiss you.

389
00:27:24.160 --> 00:27:25.460
And I'm like, oh, you know,

390
00:27:25.460 --> 00:27:28.040
I'm just not even close to where you are, Bob.

391
00:27:28.040 --> 00:27:28.880
You know, I can't.

392
00:27:28.880 --> 00:27:30.080
Oh, slow down.

393
00:27:30.080 --> 00:27:32.480
I'm like, pushing him back, pushing him back,

394
00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:33.300
pushing him back.

395
00:27:33.300 --> 00:27:35.480
Anyhow, so by the next day, anyhow,

396
00:27:35.480 --> 00:27:37.360
to make a long story short,

397
00:27:37.360 --> 00:27:39.560
he just way overstepped his bounds.

398
00:27:39.560 --> 00:27:41.360
The guardrails, he just banging into him

399
00:27:41.360 --> 00:27:42.920
like a bull on a china closet.

400
00:27:42.920 --> 00:27:44.800
And I was trying to rein him in

401
00:27:44.800 --> 00:27:47.080
and I was having a horrible time doing that.

402
00:27:47.080 --> 00:27:49.760
And I even told him, gosh, Bob,

403
00:27:49.760 --> 00:27:51.280
we're not even close to the same place.

404
00:27:51.280 --> 00:27:53.680
He got in front of me, on his knees,

405
00:27:53.680 --> 00:27:54.840
cause I have a neck issue, anyhow,

406
00:27:54.840 --> 00:27:56.560
I couldn't keep looking to my left.

407
00:27:56.560 --> 00:28:00.460
He goes, Kathy, you really like me, don't you?

408
00:28:00.460 --> 00:28:01.840
Well, that's a trigger for Kathy

409
00:28:01.840 --> 00:28:06.440
because that was like, Bob, no, I was just like,

410
00:28:06.440 --> 00:28:08.520
I do like you, but I didn't know how to really go.

411
00:28:08.520 --> 00:28:10.680
Yeah, no, I'm not into you like this,

412
00:28:10.680 --> 00:28:13.680
but I was able to, and then we went to church

413
00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:15.480
and he went to hold my hand, he's stroking my arm.

414
00:28:15.480 --> 00:28:16.800
Oh, does that feel good?

415
00:28:17.520 --> 00:28:19.880
And I'm like, no, he led with money,

416
00:28:19.880 --> 00:28:21.880
how much money he has, this and that.

417
00:28:21.880 --> 00:28:24.000
And then when it came to breakfast after church,

418
00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:26.360
he made some comment like, gosh,

419
00:28:26.360 --> 00:28:28.480
I hope this isn't expensive as last night.

420
00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:32.600
I was like, oh, I didn't even like go to the top

421
00:28:32.600 --> 00:28:34.840
of dinner places in Wichita.

422
00:28:34.840 --> 00:28:38.200
So anyhow, it was, there was a lot.

423
00:28:38.200 --> 00:28:43.200
So you got some growth here, you got a lot, right?

424
00:28:43.840 --> 00:28:46.120
It was a learning opportunity.

425
00:28:47.080 --> 00:28:47.920
For sure.

426
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:49.960
Yeah, with these types of situations,

427
00:28:49.960 --> 00:28:51.880
so it was a long distance, he traveled what,

428
00:28:51.880 --> 00:28:53.040
a couple hours?

429
00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:54.800
Three.

430
00:28:54.800 --> 00:28:56.480
Three hours to come see you.

431
00:28:56.480 --> 00:28:57.600
So yeah, we definitely,

432
00:28:57.600 --> 00:28:59.200
especially in those long distance ones,

433
00:28:59.200 --> 00:29:01.520
you definitely wanna try to have a video chat.

434
00:29:01.520 --> 00:29:04.200
And it's really important, ladies,

435
00:29:04.200 --> 00:29:07.600
to make sure that we're setting boundaries,

436
00:29:07.600 --> 00:29:09.720
even on those first meetups.

437
00:29:09.720 --> 00:29:13.200
Even if they're coming a couple hours,

438
00:29:13.200 --> 00:29:15.720
we wanna just be realistic.

439
00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:20.720
Hey, I know you're traveling a good amount of time.

440
00:29:20.720 --> 00:29:24.080
I just wanna set the expectation that,

441
00:29:24.080 --> 00:29:29.080
I can make time for you on this day and at this time, okay?

442
00:29:30.320 --> 00:29:34.360
It's okay to be like, I'm free for this day,

443
00:29:35.520 --> 00:29:38.560
not the whole weekend, okay?

444
00:29:38.560 --> 00:29:42.080
It reminds me of when I met my husband, okay?

445
00:29:42.080 --> 00:29:45.160
He was in Dallas, I was in Sarasota, Florida.

446
00:29:45.840 --> 00:29:49.920
And we set up a date for dinner.

447
00:29:49.920 --> 00:29:54.920
And the night before dinner, we had a phone call.

448
00:29:55.040 --> 00:29:58.200
And he came out and asked me, it was like,

449
00:29:58.200 --> 00:30:00.000
so am I gonna get to see you more?

450
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.560
And one time this weekend, ladies, you want to know my

451
00:30:03.560 --> 00:30:09.000
response to him? I said, I don't I don't know. Let's see how our

452
00:30:09.000 --> 00:30:13.760
first meeting goes. Well, that's good. I didn't I didn't I didn't

453
00:30:13.760 --> 00:30:19.600
promise him more than one day. Now, obviously, we hit it off.

454
00:30:19.600 --> 00:30:23.360
We had a really great day. And so when he asked to see me the

455
00:30:23.360 --> 00:30:27.880
next day, I said, Yeah, I'm free out. I can make that happen.

456
00:30:28.720 --> 00:30:33.480
All right, ladies, it's okay to go into it and be like, I'm

457
00:30:33.480 --> 00:30:37.880
available on one day. Okay, especially in those first

458
00:30:37.880 --> 00:30:42.560
meetups, because like Kathy experienced, she had some some

459
00:30:42.560 --> 00:30:46.160
phone conversations saying things seem to be going well,

460
00:30:46.440 --> 00:30:49.200
then he shows up, he doesn't really look like who he said he

461
00:30:49.200 --> 00:30:53.240
was, he's coming out the gate, ready to hold her hand, ready

462
00:30:53.240 --> 00:30:57.520
to kiss her ready to make it more like a romantic thing.

463
00:30:57.880 --> 00:31:02.240
And she wasn't. I even had to tell him I wasn't going to have

464
00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:05.160
sex before marriage. I mean, I shouldn't have had to do that

465
00:31:05.160 --> 00:31:05.880
at all.

466
00:31:06.600 --> 00:31:09.800
Oh, and that's insane. Ladies, that is that is when it's a red

467
00:31:09.800 --> 00:31:14.920
flag. If you're having if he's coming forward, and you have to

468
00:31:14.920 --> 00:31:18.240
put up a boundary, and they keep pushing your boundary, that's a

469
00:31:18.240 --> 00:31:23.880
red flag. All right, there should be no sex talk until

470
00:31:23.880 --> 00:31:26.840
you've spent time getting to know somebody in a level two,

471
00:31:27.080 --> 00:31:29.440
and you're in talks about moving to level three.

472
00:31:29.960 --> 00:31:30.520
Agree.

473
00:31:30.760 --> 00:31:36.160
All right. Now doesn't mean that will always happen. Okay. I went

474
00:31:36.160 --> 00:31:42.000
into dating that I was not going to express that until I spent

475
00:31:42.000 --> 00:31:45.080
time getting to know them. And I thought maybe I was going to

476
00:31:45.080 --> 00:31:48.160
move to a level three with them that I could see myself. If they

477
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:51.440
asked me to date exclusively, then I would put that out on the

478
00:31:51.440 --> 00:32:00.400
table. Okay. Now, my husband, right out the gate was look, I

479
00:32:00.440 --> 00:32:04.720
am about waiting for marriage. I was like, praise Jesus. So I

480
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:07.800
don't have to have the conversation. Okay. And that was

481
00:32:07.840 --> 00:32:10.600
and that was and then the topic was off. Like we didn't have to

482
00:32:10.600 --> 00:32:14.000
talk about it. We just continue to get to know each other. When

483
00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:17.240
we got exclusive, we had to make sure that we put up physical

484
00:32:17.240 --> 00:32:21.960
boundaries. So that didn't happen. All right. It's really

485
00:32:21.960 --> 00:32:25.360
important, especially because here's the thing, ladies, these

486
00:32:25.360 --> 00:32:31.560
guys don't have coaches. Okay. And even if they're in Jackie's

487
00:32:31.560 --> 00:32:38.760
program, sometimes they don't hear well. Okay. All right. 100%

488
00:32:38.760 --> 00:32:44.200
ladies, but some of you don't listen to us very well. So,

489
00:32:44.520 --> 00:32:48.000
okay, it's, it's, and that's fine. Like, there's not like

490
00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:52.280
there's no, there's no shame, no condemnation in it. Okay. But

491
00:32:52.320 --> 00:32:58.400
it's, it's good for you to be solid and who you are. And being

492
00:32:58.400 --> 00:33:02.200
able to put that boundary up. And ladies, if someone does not

493
00:33:02.200 --> 00:33:08.320
respect your boundaries, boy by in the date, it's done. All

494
00:33:08.320 --> 00:33:12.840
right. I get like, Kathy, I can only imagine you're trying to be

495
00:33:12.840 --> 00:33:17.040
nice because this man drove three hours to see you probably

496
00:33:17.040 --> 00:33:19.800
spent some money on an Airbnb or a hotel.

497
00:33:20.080 --> 00:33:23.040
He stayed with friends, but I paid for breakfast. I didn't

498
00:33:23.040 --> 00:33:25.920
want any of that hanging over my head after that stupid comment.

499
00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:29.560
And it's so helpful to have had this coaching. Because I thought

500
00:33:29.600 --> 00:33:33.400
I'm doing that. And so thank you for that. Because that was out

501
00:33:33.400 --> 00:33:37.480
of one of the other coaching situations to be willing to be

502
00:33:37.880 --> 00:33:40.160
to help pay, which I did on a couple of things.

503
00:33:40.280 --> 00:33:43.800
Yeah, good, good, good, good. Yeah. And then the last thing

504
00:33:43.800 --> 00:33:48.240
I'll touch on is again, the church thing. I ladies, this is

505
00:33:48.240 --> 00:33:50.560
one thing that some of you ladies will listen to me on and

506
00:33:50.560 --> 00:33:55.720
some of you won't. We really don't want to have like going to

507
00:33:55.720 --> 00:34:00.320
a church service early on in those level two relationships. It

508
00:34:00.320 --> 00:34:05.480
is a spiritual intimacy. Again, like you do not want to like,

509
00:34:05.680 --> 00:34:08.520
you don't want someone in your spiritual intimate intimate

510
00:34:08.520 --> 00:34:11.880
place that you don't want to be there. You also don't want

511
00:34:13.480 --> 00:34:16.920
because and that can be kind of manipulating to on both ends.

512
00:34:17.159 --> 00:34:20.800
Absolutely. That's one reason. And I know everyone's like,

513
00:34:20.800 --> 00:34:23.239
well, I just want to know that they're on the same page as

514
00:34:23.239 --> 00:34:27.440
thought like, you know, that I am and all ladies, all that

515
00:34:27.440 --> 00:34:33.679
stuff will come together in God's time. Okay, we're not

516
00:34:33.679 --> 00:34:36.800
saying that that will never happen that you're never going

517
00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:40.400
to have those faith conversations never get to go to

518
00:34:40.400 --> 00:34:43.639
a church service with them. We just want you to pace it

519
00:34:43.639 --> 00:34:48.600
accordingly. All right, wait at least a month after at least

520
00:34:48.600 --> 00:34:52.800
three dates or so before you are inviting them in your spiritual

521
00:34:52.800 --> 00:34:57.440
space. Okay, Jack will even recommend you're not praying

522
00:34:57.560 --> 00:35:00.200
with each other until you're an exclusive relationship.

523
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:08.000
I did tell him that. He tried to get me on a nap. I said, Oh, no, I can pray for you,

524
00:35:08.000 --> 00:35:14.200
but we're not going to pray together until we've gotten some time to know each other.

525
00:35:14.200 --> 00:35:19.880
Like and you can say, you know what? I, my intimacy with the Lord is really, is really

526
00:35:19.880 --> 00:35:27.360
important to me and really sacred. And it's, it's important that I guard that. And a masculine

527
00:35:27.360 --> 00:35:33.940
mature man is going to respect that. Even if he doesn't see eye to eye, he's still going

528
00:35:33.940 --> 00:35:43.000
to, he's going to respect you. Okay. Believe it or not, men can disagree with you and still

529
00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:50.880
be respectful. My husband and I disagree all the time. It's still very respectful to me.

530
00:35:51.680 --> 00:36:01.720
All right. But I want you ladies to, you know, being communicating clearly is being kind.

531
00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:13.680
Okay. You can be very direct and kind. All right. I know sometimes that's very difficult

532
00:36:13.680 --> 00:36:19.760
for women. We feel like we have to be nice that we have to appease. We have to make someone

533
00:36:19.760 --> 00:36:25.880
feel good. We have to do what somebody wants them to do what they want us to do, because

534
00:36:25.880 --> 00:36:30.080
that's being kind. I don't want to be me. No, if someone's not being respectful of your

535
00:36:30.080 --> 00:36:37.040
boundaries, it's okay to say, look, I'm sorry. I'm not comfortable. And if you don't stop,

536
00:36:37.040 --> 00:36:40.720
I'm going to have to end this date. You can say that.

537
00:36:43.320 --> 00:36:46.920
I have always, that was a trigger because I have never been strong like that. And my

538
00:36:47.000 --> 00:36:50.520
whole life, women are like, you're the strongest woman I know. And then it comes to men and you

539
00:36:50.520 --> 00:36:56.280
fall apart. And I think it was just what was modeled from my parents to me. So, I had that

540
00:36:56.280 --> 00:37:00.920
issue, but on the other good note, I took like a week off because I was white. I was like,

541
00:37:00.920 --> 00:37:04.520
I can't even think about dating right now. He just really.

542
00:37:05.880 --> 00:37:09.960
This is being revealed for you to maybe, you know, spend some time with the Lord a little

543
00:37:09.960 --> 00:37:16.040
more and being like, okay, what is that? Why was that a trigger for me? What am I believing?

544
00:37:16.040 --> 00:37:21.160
What am I believing that I, you know, am I not allowed to use my voice? Am I allowed to use my

545
00:37:21.160 --> 00:37:26.120
voice? What does kindness look like? Remember ladies, when these types of things come up and

546
00:37:26.120 --> 00:37:30.840
triggers come up, those are really good opportunities for you to sit and process with

547
00:37:30.840 --> 00:37:36.280
the Lord and ask the Lord really good questions. Ask the Lord for specifics.

548
00:37:38.280 --> 00:37:44.440
Ask a lot of questions. Ask God a lot of questions. He'll answer you. Okay.

549
00:37:45.240 --> 00:37:50.920
I had a date on Saturday though. A lunch date. She's getting back out there. She took some time.

550
00:37:50.920 --> 00:37:55.960
Just take a minute. And this guy, man, I've been talking to him from the start, but he's really

551
00:37:56.680 --> 00:38:01.960
hit and miss. So I was like, but after Thursdays, listen to Thursdays, I just kind of reached back

552
00:38:01.960 --> 00:38:05.640
out to him. I thought, okay, we'll just start talking again or see if he'll talk. And so

553
00:38:05.640 --> 00:38:11.560
finally yesterday pulled the trigger and asked me for lunch. I'm like, yay. Yes. So good. Yes.

554
00:38:11.640 --> 00:38:14.920
I love it. It's possible to get back out there again and be positive.

555
00:38:14.920 --> 00:38:19.000
Awesome. Perfect. Perfect. You're welcome, Kathy. Thanks for filling us in.

556
00:38:19.640 --> 00:38:22.120
All right. I see Elizabeth's got her hand up.

557
00:38:23.960 --> 00:38:26.280
Yes. Thank you so much. Hi, good. How are you?

558
00:38:27.800 --> 00:38:34.200
Very good. Good. Okay. So kind of a funny question probably, but so the previous guy was,

559
00:38:35.320 --> 00:38:39.880
yeah, I'm not trying to tell the backstory. My question is, he had a beard. There was a

560
00:38:39.880 --> 00:38:44.360
lot of history with him. I'm noticing that the beard game is strong out there right now.

561
00:38:44.920 --> 00:38:49.080
And absolutely. So I'm like, what? Like, cause I have been off them for the last couple of years

562
00:38:49.080 --> 00:38:56.280
dating this guy and or dating that guy. And I don't know if it's just my, like, I'm noticing

563
00:38:56.280 --> 00:39:01.400
it or it really is strong. Cause I'm like, I swear so many guys have a beard. So I did some

564
00:39:01.400 --> 00:39:05.880
hard work around it. Like you forgiveness of like, cause like of a beard, you know? And I'm like,

565
00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:09.960
does it turn you off or does it like, you're like, Oh, I'm really attracted to that.

566
00:39:10.840 --> 00:39:15.480
I was attracted to his beard. I never was, but I was when I was with him,

567
00:39:15.480 --> 00:39:19.400
but just with everything that we, like I went through with him, I don't want anything to do

568
00:39:19.400 --> 00:39:24.440
with fears. Yeah. So yeah. That's going to be a trigger. That's going to be okay. What am I

569
00:39:24.440 --> 00:39:31.400
believing about it? And, and, and, and again, it's being able to separate facial hair does not,

570
00:39:31.880 --> 00:39:40.760
right. Does not model someone's behavior. Yes, exactly. So, so are you open? Are you,

571
00:39:40.760 --> 00:39:45.960
do you feel like you're open to, if you see guys on there, you're not going to be like, Nope,

572
00:39:45.960 --> 00:39:51.160
not swiping on him. Cause he has a beard. It depends. Like I'm pretty much not swiping on

573
00:39:51.160 --> 00:39:56.600
a beard right now. Okay. Okay. Well I'm gonna, I'm going to encourage you. Don't let that

574
00:39:56.600 --> 00:39:59.720
scare you. Okay. Yeah.

575
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.160
If you have a preference that you just prefer men without facial hair, that's totally fine.

576
00:40:06.160 --> 00:40:07.160
It's funny.

577
00:40:07.160 --> 00:40:14.600
I I'm laughing because I actually noticed when I got out of heartwork and I was dating,

578
00:40:14.600 --> 00:40:19.960
I actually really liked guys with facial hair.

579
00:40:19.960 --> 00:40:27.480
And so, um, and, and before I never did, so, and my husband didn't have facial hair, but

580
00:40:27.480 --> 00:40:28.480
now he does.

581
00:40:28.480 --> 00:40:30.400
Oh, that's so cool.

582
00:40:30.400 --> 00:40:31.760
So I like it.

583
00:40:31.760 --> 00:40:34.440
I definitely think I see more men out there with facial hair.

584
00:40:34.440 --> 00:40:35.440
I don't know.

585
00:40:35.440 --> 00:40:36.440
Maybe it's an age thing too.

586
00:40:36.440 --> 00:40:43.040
I mean, I'm in my forties, so I think as, as I look at men, my age, it does look like

587
00:40:43.040 --> 00:40:50.520
more men that are in their forties above typically have the facial hair, but, um, I think it's

588
00:40:50.520 --> 00:40:51.520
good.

589
00:40:51.520 --> 00:40:53.640
Just continue to process through that.

590
00:40:54.120 --> 00:41:00.440
Don't, don't let yourself not swipe on someone just because their beard, if you really find

591
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:06.800
them intriguing, really ask the Lord to open your heart or maybe, um, blind your eyes to

592
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:07.800
the facial hair.

593
00:41:07.800 --> 00:41:08.800
Okay.

594
00:41:08.800 --> 00:41:09.800
Okay.

595
00:41:09.800 --> 00:41:11.800
That's something I actually even did.

596
00:41:11.800 --> 00:41:16.520
Um, when I started dating after I'd done her work, it took me a little while to get out

597
00:41:16.520 --> 00:41:22.440
on the absent date, but I was, for me, it was physical looks were really important.

598
00:41:22.440 --> 00:41:26.760
And so I had asked the Lord just to kind of blind me from all that, really search the

599
00:41:26.760 --> 00:41:30.280
heart of a person and, and God did that for me.

600
00:41:30.280 --> 00:41:31.280
Wow.

601
00:41:31.280 --> 00:41:35.480
Like I dated some really great guys and, and I remember just being like, I don't, I don't

602
00:41:35.480 --> 00:41:38.400
find them not attractive, but I don't find them attractive either.

603
00:41:38.400 --> 00:41:42.480
Like that just wasn't something that I was looking for.

604
00:41:42.480 --> 00:41:50.040
I was really looking for qualities and characteristics about the heart of a guy and then learning

605
00:41:50.040 --> 00:41:53.160
to find those things attractive.

606
00:41:53.160 --> 00:41:58.400
And then when you find the heart of a man, attractive ladies, the physical will be there.

607
00:41:58.400 --> 00:41:59.400
I assure you.

608
00:41:59.400 --> 00:42:00.400
Awesome.

609
00:42:00.400 --> 00:42:08.440
And I have another quick question too, um, is just like, um, shirtless selfies or shirt,

610
00:42:08.440 --> 00:42:10.720
like gym pics with like muscles.

611
00:42:10.720 --> 00:42:12.440
How do we feel about that?

612
00:42:12.440 --> 00:42:17.360
I don't like them, but here's the thing, ladies, we're going to have to give guys some of grace.

613
00:42:17.360 --> 00:42:18.360
These guys don't have coaches.

614
00:42:18.680 --> 00:42:22.680
I mean, obviously if they were in Jackie's community, she'd be like, absolutely not.

615
00:42:22.680 --> 00:42:23.680
What are you doing?

616
00:42:23.680 --> 00:42:24.680
Right.

617
00:42:24.680 --> 00:42:25.680
I didn't like them.

618
00:42:25.680 --> 00:42:26.680
Here's the thing.

619
00:42:26.680 --> 00:42:27.680
Like that's it.

620
00:42:27.680 --> 00:42:34.560
I, again, ladies, you get to decide what you swipe on and what you don't.

621
00:42:34.560 --> 00:42:36.960
You get to, you get to decide your preferences.

622
00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:38.040
All right.

623
00:42:38.040 --> 00:42:44.240
For me, there were certain things that I was like, okay, I'm going to have to help not

624
00:42:44.240 --> 00:42:45.480
overwhelm myself.

625
00:42:45.480 --> 00:42:49.400
I'm going to not swipe on this and I'm going to swipe on this.

626
00:42:49.400 --> 00:42:53.800
Like for me it was, they need to put something about being a Christian.

627
00:42:53.800 --> 00:42:57.080
So like said religion, I need to see that they said Christian.

628
00:42:57.080 --> 00:42:58.080
Yeah.

629
00:42:58.080 --> 00:42:59.080
All right.

630
00:42:59.080 --> 00:43:07.400
And if I saw a bunch of like, you know, shirtless selfies and gym selfies, you know, depending

631
00:43:07.400 --> 00:43:12.360
on what other pictures look like, most of the time I'd be like, no, no thanks.

632
00:43:12.360 --> 00:43:15.880
But if I kind of let it's like, well, there's not really many to swipe on here, but one

633
00:43:15.880 --> 00:43:16.880
looked interesting.

634
00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:21.600
I'm like, okay, I can forgive the shirtless selfie this time around.

635
00:43:21.600 --> 00:43:25.720
But I went into it like, okay, this is kind of a yellow flag.

636
00:43:25.720 --> 00:43:27.960
Is he going to try to put it out there?

637
00:43:27.960 --> 00:43:28.960
Right.

638
00:43:28.960 --> 00:43:32.040
Am I, am I taking a video call with him and he's answering a video call with no shirt

639
00:43:32.040 --> 00:43:33.040
on.

640
00:43:33.040 --> 00:43:34.040
Cause if that's the case, boy, bye.

641
00:43:34.040 --> 00:43:37.160
Like put a shirt on, right.

642
00:43:37.160 --> 00:43:41.320
Just first time you're meeting me, we went to coffee or went bowling.

643
00:43:41.320 --> 00:43:42.320
Would you show up without a shirt?

644
00:43:42.320 --> 00:43:43.320
No.

645
00:43:43.320 --> 00:43:44.320
You'd have a shirt on.

646
00:43:44.320 --> 00:43:45.320
Right.

647
00:43:45.320 --> 00:43:46.320
All right.

648
00:43:46.320 --> 00:43:47.320
Yeah.

649
00:43:47.320 --> 00:43:48.320
So, okay.

650
00:43:48.320 --> 00:43:49.320
So yeah.

651
00:43:49.320 --> 00:43:50.320
And yes.

652
00:43:50.320 --> 00:43:51.320
Public bathroom pics.

653
00:43:51.320 --> 00:43:52.320
Yeah.

654
00:43:52.320 --> 00:43:58.960
Like I get like, again, like, I'm not going to say you don't, that you, you don't, you

655
00:43:58.960 --> 00:44:01.960
have to swipe on them or you don't have to, you get to decide.

656
00:44:01.960 --> 00:44:02.960
All right.

657
00:44:02.960 --> 00:44:03.960
Yeah.

658
00:44:03.960 --> 00:44:05.840
If you're realizing like, okay, I'm not getting any dates.

659
00:44:06.840 --> 00:44:07.840
Okay.

660
00:44:07.840 --> 00:44:13.840
I'll give this one guy a shot, but yeah, I just don't want it to be like a trigger.

661
00:44:13.840 --> 00:44:15.840
If there's a trigger there, I want to work through that.

662
00:44:15.840 --> 00:44:20.840
If it is a trigger, then those are things that we take to the Lord.

663
00:44:20.840 --> 00:44:21.840
Like what is it?

664
00:44:21.840 --> 00:44:23.680
What are you believing?

665
00:44:23.680 --> 00:44:24.680
Always preface.

666
00:44:24.680 --> 00:44:25.680
Okay.

667
00:44:25.680 --> 00:44:29.120
What, what is the thought or belief that I am thinking?

668
00:44:29.120 --> 00:44:30.920
Is there an anxious thought that's coming up?

669
00:44:30.920 --> 00:44:31.920
What is it?

670
00:44:32.040 --> 00:44:35.520
And if you start listing it, you will see a pattern.

671
00:44:35.520 --> 00:44:42.080
Like sometimes it's, it's a, you know, you might think I don't trust men.

672
00:44:42.080 --> 00:44:43.080
That's the core root.

673
00:44:43.080 --> 00:44:46.520
That's the core belief is that you're just don't, you're not trustworthy of men.

674
00:44:46.520 --> 00:44:51.920
So then that's when God is going to start revealing, well, where did that lie enter?

675
00:44:51.920 --> 00:44:52.920
Okay.

676
00:44:52.920 --> 00:44:53.920
Yeah.

677
00:44:53.920 --> 00:44:58.920
So whatever it is, or, you know, I don't believe that I'm pretty enough.

678
00:44:58.920 --> 00:44:59.920
No guy is going to like.

679
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.040
Well, that's a worth that's an identity thing. So then that's hard work that you'll you're gonna do, right?

680
00:45:06.040 --> 00:45:12.240
So triggers can mean all sorts of different things. It's finding the pattern and finding the core

681
00:45:13.680 --> 00:45:18.280
Root belief lie that we're aligning with

682
00:45:19.060 --> 00:45:20.560
Okay

683
00:45:20.560 --> 00:45:22.560
Thank you so much. You are welcome

684
00:45:22.560 --> 00:45:25.640
Sarah I see your hand up. Hello

685
00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:30.700
Hey, hi, so I gave a really long backstory on a video

686
00:45:31.640 --> 00:45:35.360
Did you see I don't think I've seen that I saw other video

687
00:45:35.360 --> 00:45:39.480
I know I've just watched Laurie's video, which I think Laurie I see you here. Good to see you

688
00:45:40.160 --> 00:45:44.040
But I have not caught up on yours, but I will make a note of that. No

689
00:45:44.720 --> 00:45:50.080
Just give me just give me the what's the question and then we'll kind of if I have to get some more details

690
00:45:50.080 --> 00:45:51.480
We can go into that

691
00:45:51.480 --> 00:45:53.480
how to navigate

692
00:45:54.360 --> 00:45:58.440
There being some uncertainty, okay

693
00:46:03.200 --> 00:46:09.400
It's funny how much pressure we can put on something when you've only met not even in the person for a week, okay

694
00:46:09.960 --> 00:46:14.000
So yeah, just that you're feeling like there's a bit of uncertainty

695
00:46:14.320 --> 00:46:20.840
You're feeling like are you you feel like you have pressure and expectations of him or of yourself?

696
00:46:20.840 --> 00:46:27.680
I don't even have that. I met him thought he was attractive. We share a lot of values, okay

697
00:46:29.320 --> 00:46:35.200
Really cool character cool into health fitness his brother and him opened a business

698
00:46:35.800 --> 00:46:38.000
called revive and thrive and I'm just like

699
00:46:38.560 --> 00:46:44.720
we just align a lot like as he as far as values and all of that going on a very interesting person, so I

700
00:46:45.520 --> 00:46:48.440
Didn't feel that way. I asked him out we went on a date

701
00:46:49.120 --> 00:46:51.280
It has kind of caught us both off-guard

702
00:46:52.120 --> 00:46:54.120
Okay, cuz he's two years post-divorce

703
00:46:54.840 --> 00:47:00.000
Yeah thought about dating, but he said I didn't want to say no to opportunities that it came up

704
00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:02.000
But I'm the first date he's gone on in 12 years

705
00:47:02.840 --> 00:47:08.440
Okay, really? He he's thrown for a loop. And so I'm trying to figure out how can I honor?

706
00:47:09.040 --> 00:47:13.720
My own self and where I'm at but also like this is an interesting person

707
00:47:13.720 --> 00:47:17.600
I would like to continue getting to know him, but I want to also honor where he is

708
00:47:17.960 --> 00:47:19.960
Okay, how many do you think you've been on?

709
00:47:20.560 --> 00:47:22.560
three three dates

710
00:47:23.280 --> 00:47:28.120
What all did you do on each of those dates the first two were dinner?

711
00:47:28.560 --> 00:47:33.440
Okay, and live music and then dinner live music for the first two

712
00:47:33.600 --> 00:47:38.880
The the first one was just dinner. Okay, the second one was like live music and dinner

713
00:47:39.240 --> 00:47:45.760
Okay, and then the third date was doing a sauna cold plunge at their business

714
00:47:47.600 --> 00:47:52.040
I love this. I want to do a contrast therapy. I was like, yes, I'll do

715
00:47:55.640 --> 00:47:58.120
That would be so awesome love it

716
00:47:58.880 --> 00:48:01.800
I'm telling you that like my husband got me on those cold plunges

717
00:48:01.800 --> 00:48:03.800
we did one last month and I'm like, I

718
00:48:04.040 --> 00:48:10.600
Never thought I would do it and I'm like it is so invigorating and I feel so refreshed and relaxed afterwards

719
00:48:10.840 --> 00:48:15.040
It was nice fun and I wouldn't have what he coached me through it

720
00:48:15.040 --> 00:48:17.480
Wish that was very attractive because I've always been the coach

721
00:48:19.760 --> 00:48:27.120
Those are good dates though, I like them, um, but he's been uncertain that's where I'm getting and that's and that's fine

722
00:48:27.120 --> 00:48:34.160
This is this is why this is this is one of the examples ladies why we encourage you ladies

723
00:48:35.200 --> 00:48:40.280
To not just date one person at a time. Yeah, can you just still get to know other people?

724
00:48:40.320 --> 00:48:43.680
Okay, we're not getting romantic with them, right

725
00:48:44.120 --> 00:48:50.040
Okay, there's no romance here. There's no there's no kissing. There's no I mean there could be a friendly hug

726
00:48:50.160 --> 00:48:56.600
Okay, like oh, hey, it's good to see you. We're not going in for the long hugs. We're not kissing. We're not holding hands

727
00:48:56.800 --> 00:49:04.520
We're not getting that intimate romantic connection yet. We're letting that kind of just develop over time

728
00:49:05.100 --> 00:49:08.280
Okay, continue to keep communicating clearly

729
00:49:08.960 --> 00:49:12.240
All right beyond if did you find him on an app

730
00:49:13.400 --> 00:49:19.160
No, okay. Are you on apps? I am on apps. Okay still continue to be on apps

731
00:49:19.400 --> 00:49:22.320
Yeah, no, but feelers out get to know other people

732
00:49:24.040 --> 00:49:26.120
And just let him know like hey, I

733
00:49:26.760 --> 00:49:32.440
Understand that this is a process for you and this is taking you off guard

734
00:49:32.440 --> 00:49:36.520
I just want you to know like look we don't have to rush into anything

735
00:49:36.520 --> 00:49:42.720
we can just continue to get to know each other and see what develops and then you know after you know after a while if

736
00:49:43.840 --> 00:49:50.160
See how he paces along and you can always revisit and be like, hey, how are you feeling? Things good like

737
00:49:51.400 --> 00:49:57.200
You know, like just play it by ear and how how the dates go. All right

738
00:49:57.520 --> 00:49:59.520
Yeah tune to what's happening

739
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.120
Reciprocate energy, okay?

740
00:50:05.120 --> 00:50:09.520
If you notice that he's fallen back, it's okay to fall back a little bit too, and just

741
00:50:09.520 --> 00:50:13.600
kind of stay engaged in that way, all right?

742
00:50:13.600 --> 00:50:14.600
Yeah.

743
00:50:14.600 --> 00:50:19.360
But this is that level too, where it's like, I'm just getting to know you, but we're not

744
00:50:19.360 --> 00:50:20.800
romantic yet.

745
00:50:20.800 --> 00:50:27.640
And this is when, again, if you have people that they're going to need to slowly get themselves

746
00:50:27.640 --> 00:50:28.760
back into dating.

747
00:50:28.760 --> 00:50:31.720
That's where you just, again- Yeah.

748
00:50:31.720 --> 00:50:36.000
It's uncomfortable for me because I've never been in a healthy relationship, and I've always

749
00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:39.440
been one as well, that could rush that physical side.

750
00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:41.640
And so it's an awkward tension for me.

751
00:50:41.640 --> 00:50:45.640
And I said that to him, I didn't say that exactly, to him.

752
00:50:45.640 --> 00:50:49.720
But when he shared with me, I don't really know this is like all, and I said, well, this

753
00:50:49.720 --> 00:50:54.520
is also kind of challenging me in ways that I need as well.

754
00:50:54.520 --> 00:50:55.520
That's good.

755
00:50:55.640 --> 00:51:00.720
So, but it's so uncomfortable.

756
00:51:00.720 --> 00:51:04.920
And you've heard me say it, you got to get comfortable being uncomfortable, right?

757
00:51:04.920 --> 00:51:09.880
It is so uncomfortable not doing my typical patterns.

758
00:51:09.880 --> 00:51:14.280
So this is when you can go into the Lord and you could be processing this.

759
00:51:14.280 --> 00:51:16.680
Like what's the discomfort?

760
00:51:16.680 --> 00:51:22.040
What's the belief, the discomfort, like thought that's coming?

761
00:51:22.040 --> 00:51:23.400
Yeah.

762
00:51:23.400 --> 00:51:27.520
And go through and like process through that.

763
00:51:27.520 --> 00:51:33.320
You know, what is God trying to reveal to you in this opportunity of dating someone

764
00:51:33.320 --> 00:51:38.080
that's going to take things a little slower, that you can actually have healthy relationship,

765
00:51:38.080 --> 00:51:43.840
whether this guy's your spirit mate or not, out there that are willing to pace things

766
00:51:43.840 --> 00:51:49.120
much slower, that you don't have to have the expect that there's no expectation on you

767
00:51:49.120 --> 00:51:51.560
to rush things.

768
00:51:51.560 --> 00:51:54.680
Maybe men are going to allow you to pace things accordingly.

769
00:51:54.680 --> 00:51:55.680
Yeah.

770
00:51:55.680 --> 00:52:03.080
And that, that could be what's being revealed for you as well.

771
00:52:03.080 --> 00:52:07.920
Yeah.

772
00:52:07.920 --> 00:52:12.200
Just continue to keep, you know, checking in with us, you know, process your feelings

773
00:52:12.200 --> 00:52:15.160
of what's happening with us here.

774
00:52:15.160 --> 00:52:16.160
Okay.

775
00:52:16.160 --> 00:52:17.160
Okay.

776
00:52:18.160 --> 00:52:21.960
We don't want you going into like the spiral mode and all that kind of stuff.

777
00:52:21.960 --> 00:52:23.200
Cause I know that can happen.

778
00:52:23.200 --> 00:52:24.520
At least it would happen with me.

779
00:52:24.520 --> 00:52:25.520
Yeah.

780
00:52:25.520 --> 00:52:26.520
I was the same way.

781
00:52:26.520 --> 00:52:29.320
I, I mean, I jumped into relationships very, very quickly.

782
00:52:29.320 --> 00:52:33.920
I mean, I've got things physical very quick before hard work.

783
00:52:33.920 --> 00:52:39.360
And that was, that was a new thing for me, me, me literally putting the boundary up that

784
00:52:39.360 --> 00:52:43.200
I wasn't even going to kiss somebody until I was in an exclusive relationship.

785
00:52:43.200 --> 00:52:46.800
My husband asked me to kiss me on the first date and I told him, no, didn't mean I didn't

786
00:52:46.800 --> 00:52:47.800
want to.

787
00:52:47.800 --> 00:52:48.800
I know.

788
00:52:48.800 --> 00:52:49.800
I want to kiss.

789
00:52:49.800 --> 00:52:50.800
I like kissing.

790
00:52:50.800 --> 00:52:54.120
It's so hurtful to come into this faith-based community that's everybody's like, I'm waiting

791
00:52:54.120 --> 00:52:55.120
for marriage.

792
00:52:55.120 --> 00:52:58.360
And I'm like, I'm having a hard time not making out with this person the first time I meet

793
00:52:58.360 --> 00:52:59.800
them and I like them.

794
00:52:59.800 --> 00:53:01.640
And I feel slightly ashamed about it.

795
00:53:01.640 --> 00:53:02.640
Like a little bit.

796
00:53:02.640 --> 00:53:03.640
Cause I'm just like.

797
00:53:03.640 --> 00:53:05.720
Well then let's, we can unpack that.

798
00:53:05.720 --> 00:53:08.120
Like where does that shame come from?

799
00:53:08.120 --> 00:53:13.000
It's kind of, well, I don't even want to sit, maybe ashamed isn't the word, but like, what

800
00:53:13.000 --> 00:53:17.440
do you do when it doesn't feel wrong to you?

801
00:53:17.440 --> 00:53:21.760
It's just, I mean, again, it's, it's more or less, it's what, what were your beliefs

802
00:53:21.760 --> 00:53:28.560
about the physical connection in the first place, right?

803
00:53:28.560 --> 00:53:29.560
Here's the thing.

804
00:53:29.560 --> 00:53:33.040
There isn't anything wrong with physical connection.

805
00:53:33.040 --> 00:53:36.440
You are supposed to want to be physical with your husbands.

806
00:53:36.440 --> 00:53:41.000
Like he asked to hold my hand yesterday and I did let him, okay.

807
00:53:41.000 --> 00:53:42.000
So, okay.

808
00:53:42.000 --> 00:53:47.480
And so those are things and if you're going to allow him to hold your hand, you can just

809
00:53:47.480 --> 00:53:53.840
say, okay, I'm fine holding your hand, but this is maybe where you communicate.

810
00:53:53.840 --> 00:54:01.880
It's going to be important for me to not do anything past holding hands until I'm in an

811
00:54:01.880 --> 00:54:04.240
exclusive relationship with somebody.

812
00:54:04.240 --> 00:54:06.280
Would that be okay with you?

813
00:54:06.280 --> 00:54:11.320
We can hold hands, but until I'm in an exclusive relationship, I'm probably not going to be

814
00:54:11.320 --> 00:54:14.520
open to kissing or hugging or anything like that.

815
00:54:14.520 --> 00:54:15.520
Okay.

816
00:54:15.520 --> 00:54:20.360
Or if you want to say, Hey, I know I said I would hold your hand.

817
00:54:20.360 --> 00:54:25.960
It feels very intimate for me to hold your hand when we're not an exclusive relationship

818
00:54:25.960 --> 00:54:28.080
or we're just getting to know each other.

819
00:54:28.080 --> 00:54:33.280
Would it be okay if we, um, refrain from holding hands until we've gotten to know each other

820
00:54:33.280 --> 00:54:34.280
better?

821
00:54:35.280 --> 00:54:39.160
Can you like, what is it about that?

822
00:54:39.160 --> 00:54:49.280
Like, I don't know, like what, what's the benefits of the benefits of waiting?

823
00:54:49.280 --> 00:54:50.280
Yeah.

824
00:54:50.280 --> 00:54:55.000
Um, like waiting for like physical connection, just like handholding and stuff.

825
00:54:55.000 --> 00:54:56.000
Yeah.

826
00:54:56.000 --> 00:54:57.000
Or even a kiss.

827
00:54:57.000 --> 00:55:00.000
Um, because there's, there's.

828
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.680
the chemicals that will literally release and will emotionally attach you to the person.

829
00:55:06.240 --> 00:55:10.400
Yeah, I can see that. And that, I mean, and here's the thing, ladies,

830
00:55:10.400 --> 00:55:17.200
women are emotional creatures. Yes. Women have a probably a more difficult time with this than men

831
00:55:18.160 --> 00:55:25.760
because of just how we're wired. Yeah. All right. I knew for me, if I kissed someone,

832
00:55:25.760 --> 00:55:34.880
my walls were going down, that physical touch was like, it's on, like it's on. So I knew if I

833
00:55:35.680 --> 00:55:47.440
was going to kiss someone, make out with someone, that my ability to see red flags would be blinded.

834
00:55:49.840 --> 00:55:55.040
And I knew that about myself. God showed me that. And then I just never listened to him.

835
00:55:55.840 --> 00:56:00.640
I'm being stubborn as hell. And ladies, and I'm saying it from experience, y'all, like,

836
00:56:00.640 --> 00:56:10.960
if y'all know my story, I had a child and I was never married. Okay. Like, I did not do that well

837
00:56:12.960 --> 00:56:19.760
until I found this program and God really spoke to my heart. Now, God spoke to my heart prior to

838
00:56:19.760 --> 00:56:27.360
this program about waiting for marriage. And so it, but it didn't mean that it was easy. I really

839
00:56:27.360 --> 00:56:33.200
had to, you know, do some hard work around it. What were my beliefs about it? A lot of it was

840
00:56:33.200 --> 00:56:40.240
tied to my identity and my worth, how I saw myself. It was some things that happened to me in my past,

841
00:56:41.040 --> 00:56:47.840
all those things. And then the guilt and shame would come and I had to realize, okay, what is

842
00:56:47.840 --> 00:56:55.280
that? Well, then I thought, well, it's bad. Well, it's not bad. God designed physical intimacy

843
00:56:56.080 --> 00:57:04.720
within marriage. Like he's the one that created it for us, but in covenant.

844
00:57:05.760 --> 00:57:13.760
All right. It was for our protection. It was for each other, not just randomly with other people.

845
00:57:13.760 --> 00:57:19.120
And so that was something that, again, those are things that you can walk yourself through

846
00:57:19.120 --> 00:57:23.840
and process with the Lord. And we can, you know, again, it's, I've got a few more people that I

847
00:57:23.840 --> 00:57:28.560
got to take, but if we want to do it next call, or if you want to do it in the app, we can definitely,

848
00:57:28.560 --> 00:57:34.240
but spend some time processing through that. But I want you to know, like, there's no shame

849
00:57:34.800 --> 00:57:42.640
in wanting to be physically close with somebody. It's perfectly normal. God created us to literally

850
00:57:42.720 --> 00:57:51.200
want to have those things, but he wants us to have those with our spirit mate. Okay. Okay.

851
00:57:51.200 --> 00:57:58.160
But a reason we, we coach that is again, you, it will, it will cloud the intimacy. It would

852
00:57:58.160 --> 00:58:04.000
actually draw like ladies, if you have sex before marriage, it will actually keep you from getting

853
00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:12.240
close. There's there's all sorts of stuff. And I can even I think I posted it in the app a long

854
00:58:12.240 --> 00:58:18.400
time ago. I could probably do it again, or I can come prepared next week for it. But Jackie

855
00:58:18.400 --> 00:58:27.120
has a whole teaching. She had a social media posts like a year or two ago about why sex before

856
00:58:27.120 --> 00:58:34.480
marriage actually keeps you from being more intimate with your spirit mate. It causes like

857
00:58:34.480 --> 00:58:41.520
mistrust and all sorts of stuff. Like there's a deeper intimacy that happens before the physical

858
00:58:41.520 --> 00:58:49.680
intimacy. And so it's important to be able to, to hold on to that. Yeah, I'll pull that document

859
00:58:49.680 --> 00:58:56.720
up and have it for y'all next week. And I can, I can read through that off the top of my head.

860
00:58:56.720 --> 00:59:04.880
I don't, I know there's like three reasons why. But again, it's, there's the, for me and I know

861
00:59:04.880 --> 00:59:13.360
most women, it's, it's an emotional connection. Your body literally releases chemicals when you

862
00:59:13.360 --> 00:59:19.680
are physical with somebody. Yeah. I mean, think about, think about newborn babies, y'all. I mean,

863
00:59:20.640 --> 00:59:28.480
if any of you are moms, when you had your child, it was skin to skin, right? That oxytocin. It's,

864
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:35.680
it releases something. It's a bond. That's what, that's why they tell you. And they even tell dads

865
00:59:35.680 --> 00:59:42.880
to skin to skin with their babies too, because it bonds you to your baby. So if you are having

866
00:59:42.880 --> 00:59:48.880
skin to skin with another human being, guess what? Those endorphins are being released and

867
00:59:48.880 --> 00:59:58.400
you are bonding with that person. Okay. It's also why, you know, doing soul ties is important

868
00:59:58.400 --> 00:59:59.840
too, if you've been physical with people.

869
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.000
Not even just physical intimate, if you've had spiritual intimacy or emotional intimacy with somebody,

870
01:00:07.000 --> 01:00:10.000
there can be a soul tie.

871
01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:14.000
And that stuff you can find in Phase 1.

872
01:00:14.000 --> 01:00:20.000
You should have access to that stuff, those videos on soul ties and stuff like that,

873
01:00:20.000 --> 01:00:23.000
if you need to revisit any of that.

874
01:00:23.000 --> 01:00:30.000
You can have soul ties with parents.

875
01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:34.000
Even people who've passed on, you can have a soul tie with them.

876
01:00:34.000 --> 01:00:36.000
That's powerful.

877
01:00:36.000 --> 01:00:38.000
Soul ties with therapists.

878
01:00:38.000 --> 01:00:41.000
I know some people are literally so bonded with their therapist

879
01:00:41.000 --> 01:00:44.000
because they share intimate details with their therapist.

880
01:00:44.000 --> 01:00:52.000
And so sometimes some people, it's like they hold what their therapist says over what God says sometimes.

881
01:00:52.000 --> 01:01:00.000
And so some people, I've walked through where they've had to break a soul tie with a therapist.

882
01:01:00.000 --> 01:01:02.000
It's connection.

883
01:01:02.000 --> 01:01:07.000
And so that's why, again, this is not to scare you ladies from getting to know people.

884
01:01:07.000 --> 01:01:11.000
Level 2, the getting to know you, you are supposed to get to know them.

885
01:01:11.000 --> 01:01:14.000
And what characteristics do you like about them?

886
01:01:14.000 --> 01:01:17.000
What makes them them?

887
01:01:17.000 --> 01:01:21.000
What do you enjoy about them?

888
01:01:21.000 --> 01:01:29.000
Years ago, I was given an activation of sorts to every person that I met,

889
01:01:29.000 --> 01:01:37.000
find something attractive about every single person I met, young, old, male, female, whatever.

890
01:01:37.000 --> 01:01:40.000
And what that taught me was looking at someone's heart.

891
01:01:40.000 --> 01:01:42.000
What did I find attractive about someone's heart?

892
01:01:42.000 --> 01:01:44.000
Were they chivalrous?

893
01:01:44.000 --> 01:01:46.000
Were they kind?

894
01:01:46.000 --> 01:01:50.000
Were they considerate of other people?

895
01:01:50.000 --> 01:01:54.000
Like those were things that I would find attractive in people.

896
01:01:54.000 --> 01:01:57.000
And so that's that getting to know you.

897
01:01:57.000 --> 01:02:03.000
What about that person makes them one of God's children?

898
01:02:03.000 --> 01:02:09.000
And get to know them and spend time.

899
01:02:09.000 --> 01:02:10.000
Thank you.

900
01:02:10.000 --> 01:02:11.000
You're welcome.

901
01:02:11.000 --> 01:02:12.000
All right.

902
01:02:12.000 --> 01:02:13.000
I know I spent a lot of time on that one.

903
01:02:13.000 --> 01:02:14.000
I apologize.

904
01:02:15.000 --> 01:02:20.000
But I hope that you ladies got some good fruit from that.

905
01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:24.000
I'm checking so many, some of the chat here.

906
01:02:24.000 --> 01:02:26.000
How many dates do we stay in level 2?

907
01:02:26.000 --> 01:02:29.000
You're going to let the guy lead that, Lori.

908
01:02:29.000 --> 01:02:30.000
Is she still on here?

909
01:02:30.000 --> 01:02:33.000
I don't know if she is or not.

910
01:02:33.000 --> 01:02:35.000
I don't know if she's still here.

911
01:02:35.000 --> 01:02:39.000
So yeah, ladies, that level 2, it can be a month, two months.

912
01:02:39.000 --> 01:02:41.000
It could be four months.

913
01:02:41.000 --> 01:02:43.000
I don't know if it's the dating 101 video.

914
01:02:43.000 --> 01:02:45.000
I think it is.

915
01:02:45.000 --> 01:02:55.000
But you definitely want the man to lead that conversation.

916
01:02:55.000 --> 01:02:59.000
And I would say at least have two to three,

917
01:02:59.000 --> 01:03:03.000
if not four dates before deciding to be exclusive with somebody.

918
01:03:03.000 --> 01:03:06.000
Like spend at least a month.

919
01:03:06.000 --> 01:03:09.000
Before you jump into that.

920
01:03:09.000 --> 01:03:11.000
And again, come and let us know these types of things.

921
01:03:11.000 --> 01:03:14.000
Because if you're an anxious attacher,

922
01:03:14.000 --> 01:03:17.000
you're someone that attaches very quickly to somebody,

923
01:03:17.000 --> 01:03:20.000
then we're going to be like, okay, these are flags.

924
01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:23.000
These are your yellow flags.

925
01:03:23.000 --> 01:03:25.000
And so we're just going to be your blind spot.

926
01:03:25.000 --> 01:03:28.000
We're going to make sure that you're spending time with it.

927
01:03:28.000 --> 01:03:32.000
If you're an avoidant attacher, we ain't worried about you ladies.

928
01:03:32.000 --> 01:03:36.000
Attaching and jumping into a level 3 quickly.

929
01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:39.000
If you're someone that likes to avoid a relationship,

930
01:03:39.000 --> 01:03:44.000
my guess is you're not jumping into level 3 relationship right out the gate.

931
01:03:44.000 --> 01:03:48.000
It's my anxious attachers that will do that.

932
01:03:48.000 --> 01:03:52.000
So again, if you need to know what attachment style you lean towards,

933
01:03:52.000 --> 01:03:58.000
we have the attachment style quiz in the resource tab.

934
01:03:58.000 --> 01:04:03.000
So there's secure attachment, which is what we all thrive for.

935
01:04:03.000 --> 01:04:05.000
We're hoping to get there.

936
01:04:05.000 --> 01:04:07.000
We're hoping to get even there.

937
01:04:07.000 --> 01:04:10.000
I always believed that I was an anxious attacher.

938
01:04:10.000 --> 01:04:14.000
I just recently found out that I'm a bit of both.

939
01:04:14.000 --> 01:04:17.000
I'm one of those fearful avoidants.

940
01:04:17.000 --> 01:04:21.000
So I'm anxious and avoidant.

941
01:04:21.000 --> 01:04:23.000
And so there'll be some people that are that,

942
01:04:23.000 --> 01:04:25.000
and then there's some people that are avoidant.

943
01:04:25.000 --> 01:04:29.000
So it's always good to know just to kind of to check out.

944
01:04:29.000 --> 01:04:31.000
Oh, Lori, you are here.

945
01:04:31.000 --> 01:04:33.000
Okay, yes, Lori, anxious and you're getting better.

946
01:04:33.000 --> 01:04:34.000
You are.

947
01:04:34.000 --> 01:04:36.000
You are.

948
01:04:36.000 --> 01:04:37.000
For sure.

949
01:04:37.000 --> 01:04:40.000
Yes, I would definitely take it and see what it says.

950
01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:42.000
I've taken it and it said I was an anxious attacher,

951
01:04:42.000 --> 01:04:48.000
but I took a deeper one with my counselor,

952
01:04:48.000 --> 01:04:51.000
and that's where we uncovered I'm a little bit of both.

953
01:04:51.000 --> 01:04:55.000
So it was really, really helpful.

954
01:04:55.000 --> 01:04:58.000
All right, Candy, I'm going to take you,

955
01:04:58.000 --> 01:05:00.000
and then I've got three other people.

956
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.240
Oh, I'm gonna try to get to you.

957
01:05:01.240 --> 01:05:02.280
We got about 10 minutes.

958
01:05:02.280 --> 01:05:04.640
So ladies, I need short, brief, and powerful,

959
01:05:04.640 --> 01:05:06.200
and I know I'm not doing a great job at it.

960
01:05:06.200 --> 01:05:08.740
I'll try to do better here on the next four.

961
01:05:08.740 --> 01:05:10.320
What's your question, Candy?

962
01:05:10.320 --> 01:05:12.180
Okay, are you able to hear me?

963
01:05:12.180 --> 01:05:13.020
Okay.

964
01:05:13.020 --> 01:05:13.840
All right, good.

965
01:05:13.840 --> 01:05:17.560
So I post the questions on the, ask the coach,

966
01:05:17.560 --> 01:05:20.600
but yeah, so anyway, so that is reference

967
01:05:20.600 --> 01:05:23.680
to the question I have like two, three weeks ago

968
01:05:23.680 --> 01:05:27.320
when I asked you, I have been talking to a guy

969
01:05:27.320 --> 01:05:28.800
who spent half a year in PA,

970
01:05:28.800 --> 01:05:30.560
half a year in California.

971
01:05:30.560 --> 01:05:33.800
I have been talking to him since February,

972
01:05:33.800 --> 01:05:36.480
but we just have been very casual talk,

973
01:05:36.480 --> 01:05:40.040
nothing intimate, nothing deep conversation at all.

974
01:05:40.040 --> 01:05:42.640
Have you had any, have you had videos?

975
01:05:42.640 --> 01:05:45.320
Yes, so yeah, I do have video.

976
01:05:45.320 --> 01:05:47.240
So one video, but that video just like,

977
01:05:47.240 --> 01:05:49.440
just to make sure that we are not scammers.

978
01:05:49.440 --> 01:05:52.120
Okay, so after that, we just talk on the phone,

979
01:05:52.120 --> 01:05:56.160
and then later on, he has been one time,

980
01:05:56.160 --> 01:05:58.000
like a few weeks ago, he has been keep calling me,

981
01:05:58.040 --> 01:05:59.680
and I just find it very annoying

982
01:05:59.680 --> 01:06:02.000
because he just call me like 11 p.m. all of a sudden,

983
01:06:02.000 --> 01:06:05.000
and sometime like 2 p.m. all of a sudden.

984
01:06:05.000 --> 01:06:07.640
So I just ignore his call, and then he send me a text,

985
01:06:07.640 --> 01:06:09.280
say, well, it seems like you're not responding,

986
01:06:09.280 --> 01:06:11.760
that it seems like you're not interested anymore.

987
01:06:11.760 --> 01:06:12.600
Then I send-

988
01:06:12.600 --> 01:06:14.560
Well, but you just said you're ignoring him,

989
01:06:14.560 --> 01:06:16.140
so you aren't interested in him.

990
01:06:16.140 --> 01:06:18.240
If you're ignoring him, right?

991
01:06:18.240 --> 01:06:20.560
I ignoring him because I just find

992
01:06:20.560 --> 01:06:22.360
that he's not respect my time,

993
01:06:22.360 --> 01:06:24.680
because he just call me in the odd time

994
01:06:24.680 --> 01:06:27.760
that I prefer a scheduled time.

995
01:06:28.400 --> 01:06:30.520
Okay, well, then did you communicate that with him?

996
01:06:30.520 --> 01:06:33.200
Okay, so I did, and then I,

997
01:06:33.200 --> 01:06:36.400
at that point, I was thinking to just to end it, right?

998
01:06:36.400 --> 01:06:39.000
But anyway, so I sent him a text saying

999
01:06:39.000 --> 01:06:40.800
that I cannot believe you're not willing

1000
01:06:40.800 --> 01:06:44.140
to spend a few hundred dollars to come to see me,

1001
01:06:45.920 --> 01:06:49.400
especially you think that that's a possibility and all that.

1002
01:06:49.400 --> 01:06:51.480
And then he call me back.

1003
01:06:51.480 --> 01:06:53.840
Okay, so hold on, you said to him,

1004
01:06:53.840 --> 01:06:55.080
I can't believe you're not willing

1005
01:06:55.080 --> 01:06:57.380
to spend money to come see me?

1006
01:06:58.020 --> 01:07:00.060
Yeah, right, because I was getting-

1007
01:07:00.060 --> 01:07:01.420
Candy, I'm gonna stop you right there.

1008
01:07:01.420 --> 01:07:04.540
I want you to sit and think about that, okay?

1009
01:07:04.540 --> 01:07:07.620
If someone came to you and said,

1010
01:07:07.620 --> 01:07:10.380
I can't believe that you aren't gonna spend

1011
01:07:10.380 --> 01:07:11.580
a couple hundred dollars on me,

1012
01:07:11.580 --> 01:07:13.340
I must not be important to you.

1013
01:07:13.340 --> 01:07:14.780
How would that make you feel?

1014
01:07:18.820 --> 01:07:20.820
How would that make me feel?

1015
01:07:20.820 --> 01:07:23.060
That maybe you're not that important.

1016
01:07:23.980 --> 01:07:26.180
It's not positive, all right?

1017
01:07:26.180 --> 01:07:28.900
Okay, I understand it should be positive, right?

1018
01:07:28.900 --> 01:07:30.860
This is ladies, this is when I'm always

1019
01:07:30.860 --> 01:07:33.260
your biggest cheerleader, but I'm gonna tell you ladies

1020
01:07:33.260 --> 01:07:36.540
what you need to hear, not always what you wanna hear.

1021
01:07:36.540 --> 01:07:41.540
Candy, you can't have expectations on him and be,

1022
01:07:45.540 --> 01:07:47.520
it sounds like you have a lot of expectations

1023
01:07:47.520 --> 01:07:50.180
that if he doesn't do something that you want him to do,

1024
01:07:50.180 --> 01:07:54.180
then you ignore him or, well, I want it to be planned.

1025
01:07:54.180 --> 01:07:57.380
Well, believe it or not, not everybody works that way.

1026
01:07:58.620 --> 01:08:01.980
He's calling you because he's thinking about you.

1027
01:08:01.980 --> 01:08:02.820
Right.

1028
01:08:02.820 --> 01:08:05.020
He's not planning, he's not gonna go to his calendar

1029
01:08:05.020 --> 01:08:08.060
and be like, okay, I'm gonna plan to think about Candy

1030
01:08:08.060 --> 01:08:11.700
at 2 p.m. and that's when I'm gonna call her.

1031
01:08:11.700 --> 01:08:15.020
No, he probably just thought of you and be like,

1032
01:08:15.020 --> 01:08:16.899
you know what, I haven't talked to her in a little while.

1033
01:08:16.899 --> 01:08:19.979
I'm gonna give her a call and see how she's doing.

1034
01:08:19.979 --> 01:08:21.220
And he's calling you.

1035
01:08:21.220 --> 01:08:22.500
Yeah, I think that's what he's thinking,

1036
01:08:22.540 --> 01:08:25.700
but sometimes I just don't like people to call me

1037
01:08:25.700 --> 01:08:27.700
at the odd time, like all of a sudden, 11 p.m.

1038
01:08:27.700 --> 01:08:32.700
So that's when, and that's what I'm going to encourage you

1039
01:08:32.700 --> 01:08:34.859
to spend some hard work on that.

1040
01:08:34.859 --> 01:08:36.180
Spend time processing.

1041
01:08:36.180 --> 01:08:38.100
What is it that you're believing

1042
01:08:39.660 --> 01:08:42.779
as to why is that such a turnoff for you?

1043
01:08:42.779 --> 01:08:44.540
It's okay to want things planned.

1044
01:08:44.540 --> 01:08:46.979
Ladies, I'm a planner, okay?

1045
01:08:46.979 --> 01:08:48.180
I like things planned.

1046
01:08:48.180 --> 01:08:50.140
I am not a spontaneous person.

1047
01:08:50.660 --> 01:08:53.260
I, if things don't go as planned

1048
01:08:53.260 --> 01:08:55.140
and I don't have like a plan B,

1049
01:08:55.140 --> 01:08:58.939
I'm like, ooh, that is unsettling to me.

1050
01:08:58.939 --> 01:09:02.340
I have to be willing to communicate that with people though.

1051
01:09:02.340 --> 01:09:05.580
Hey, I really wanna get to know you.

1052
01:09:05.580 --> 01:09:08.540
My schedule is really crazy.

1053
01:09:08.540 --> 01:09:12.500
Would it be okay that we would schedule certain times?

1054
01:09:12.500 --> 01:09:15.819
If you call me and I'm not able to answer,

1055
01:09:17.140 --> 01:09:19.260
it's not that I'm not interested,

1056
01:09:19.260 --> 01:09:21.580
it's just, I'm busy at the moment.

1057
01:09:21.580 --> 01:09:23.100
Can you communicate to him?

1058
01:09:23.100 --> 01:09:25.300
Or when you see that he's calls

1059
01:09:25.300 --> 01:09:26.819
and it's not the right time,

1060
01:09:26.819 --> 01:09:31.220
do you ever consider, okay, I'm not available right now,

1061
01:09:31.220 --> 01:09:34.700
but when you have a free moment, do you call him back?

1062
01:09:35.779 --> 01:09:38.420
Well, I, no, because I'm-

1063
01:09:38.420 --> 01:09:39.580
Try that.

1064
01:09:39.580 --> 01:09:40.420
So like-

1065
01:09:40.420 --> 01:09:42.180
Okay, but can I just finish the story?

1066
01:09:42.180 --> 01:09:43.660
Okay, so anyway, so then he keep calling me.

1067
01:09:43.660 --> 01:09:44.819
Well, I don't have a whole lot of time

1068
01:09:44.819 --> 01:09:48.140
because I have three other people that we have to go,

1069
01:09:48.180 --> 01:09:51.899
but that's really what I want you to focus on, Candy.

1070
01:09:51.899 --> 01:09:55.700
I really want you to focus on what things you're believing

1071
01:09:55.700 --> 01:10:00.700
that, because what I'm sensing is that you're kind of-

1072
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.080
putting up a wall with him and then if he's not doing what you want him to do

1073
01:10:04.080 --> 01:10:09.720
you're criticizing him like that's not if you're gonna criticize somebody I

1074
01:10:09.720 --> 01:10:12.960
can't believe that you're not gonna spend some money to come see me you're

1075
01:10:12.960 --> 01:10:18.520
right so why are you like you might want to end it then if you don't think that

1076
01:10:18.520 --> 01:10:23.160
he's gonna invest the same amount of time but you also haven't opened the

1077
01:10:23.160 --> 01:10:29.280
door for him to feel like it's a safe space because if he's called you and you

1078
01:10:29.280 --> 01:10:34.680
don't respond to him and then he reaches out and it's like it seems like you're

1079
01:10:34.680 --> 01:10:40.400
not interested like it really does seem like you're not interested if you're

1080
01:10:40.400 --> 01:10:43.480
not responding to him I mean but I didn't respond back and said that I'm

1081
01:10:43.480 --> 01:10:46.960
interested it just that you know I took you know and then so he called me and

1082
01:10:46.960 --> 01:10:52.040
then I explained to him you know what happened and then he did call me back so

1083
01:10:52.040 --> 01:10:56.400
we have another video call yesterday actually okay and then those video calls

1084
01:10:56.400 --> 01:11:01.200
I mean but but just be mindful of how you're interacting with him he might

1085
01:11:01.200 --> 01:11:06.160
this relationship could possibly be stretching you to be open to what your

1086
01:11:06.160 --> 01:11:10.960
expectations are of people and what you're looking for and there's nothing

1087
01:11:10.960 --> 01:11:15.360
wrong with that and there's nothing wrong with wanting things to have a plan

1088
01:11:15.360 --> 01:11:19.320
and a schedule but I do want to encourage you to spend some time

1089
01:11:19.320 --> 01:11:24.760
processing like how you're responding to people because just even just hearing a

1090
01:11:24.760 --> 01:11:33.040
few things that you're saying of you know you're not spending money on me or

1091
01:11:33.040 --> 01:11:38.520
you know that like that can be off-putting for somebody and it doesn't

1092
01:11:38.520 --> 01:11:44.440
we can be clear and kind in our communication hey I'm interested in you

1093
01:11:44.440 --> 01:11:49.760
but you're calling me at some hours that I'm not available can we schedule a

1094
01:11:49.760 --> 01:11:55.000
certain time to call or if I see you call and I can't get to you I'll call

1095
01:11:55.000 --> 01:11:59.360
you back when I have a free moment okay because this because we have been

1096
01:11:59.360 --> 01:12:03.520
talking since February so it's such a long time okay I don't know whether this

1097
01:12:03.520 --> 01:12:07.440
should we continue or well we did talk about okay we're gonna meet in the end

1098
01:12:07.440 --> 01:12:12.400
of August so so right now I just having a very light discussion you know nothing

1099
01:12:12.400 --> 01:12:16.800
nothing deep conversation just to yeah well it's July so you've got you've got

1100
01:12:16.800 --> 01:12:21.560
like what five weeks I think so yeah just continue to see how it goes I

1101
01:12:21.560 --> 01:12:26.040
really want you to press yourself on how you're responding to him and being open

1102
01:12:26.040 --> 01:12:30.320
to maybe not always having things scheduled that if he calls you and you

1103
01:12:30.320 --> 01:12:33.720
have a free moment to pick up here's the thing ladies even if a guy's calling you

1104
01:12:33.720 --> 01:12:37.680
in the middle of something you can pick up and say hey I've only got about five

1105
01:12:37.680 --> 01:12:42.280
minutes how are you doing can I call you back at you know six o'clock I have a

1106
01:12:42.280 --> 01:12:46.040
free time then or you know I'm not gonna be free today but I can be free tomorrow

1107
01:12:46.440 --> 01:12:51.240
like you see how you're still communicating but not responding to

1108
01:12:51.240 --> 01:12:58.480
someone like that to me is signaling that there's some hesitancy on what you

1109
01:12:58.480 --> 01:13:03.560
feel about him so spend time processing what what do you want I get it's been

1110
01:13:03.560 --> 01:13:08.800
since February but do you want to if if you're interested in him continue to get

1111
01:13:08.800 --> 01:13:13.800
to know him if you're not sure and you wanted to say okay I need some time to

1112
01:13:13.800 --> 01:13:19.040
think about it that's fine too you need to decide what is it that you're wanting

1113
01:13:19.040 --> 01:13:22.680
okay okay okay okay great all right thank you candy

1114
01:13:22.680 --> 01:13:30.720
great Helen you're up next hi um a couple of questions I guess um just how

1115
01:13:30.720 --> 01:13:40.280
to navigate one question so I can get to Karina and um yeah okay so there's one

1116
01:13:40.280 --> 01:13:47.040
to maybe a couple of people in my kind of circle recently that I sense this

1117
01:13:47.040 --> 01:13:52.880
some kind of attraction but I don't know how to one guy he's at church and we've

1118
01:13:52.880 --> 01:13:56.920
been just you know the how high how are you we know each other's name stuff like

1119
01:13:56.920 --> 01:14:02.040
that and a couple of I asked this married couple who are my friends to

1120
01:14:02.040 --> 01:14:10.960
kind of find out about him he's single has six kids and which my my friend was

1121
01:14:10.960 --> 01:14:15.600
like he has six kids I thought he was joking but he was serious I'm like you

1122
01:14:15.600 --> 01:14:18.520
kidding right he's like you told me to ask for you and I'm telling you what you

1123
01:14:18.520 --> 01:14:22.040
know he asked another usher he's a this guy's an usher and he asked a fellow

1124
01:14:22.040 --> 01:14:25.880
usher and I was like oh dude I thought you were joking anyway I don't know how

1125
01:14:25.880 --> 01:14:30.920
to navigate that okay and then the other guy we played pickleball together

1126
01:14:30.920 --> 01:14:35.840
and he kind of invited me to a church service but it was just like oh there's

1127
01:14:35.840 --> 01:14:41.280
a service on Sunday nights okay directly extend the invitations I don't know if I

1128
01:14:41.280 --> 01:14:45.600
should like follow up or I don't okay well that way so you went pickleball and

1129
01:14:45.600 --> 01:14:49.760
he invited you to a church service you could probably follow me like hey I had

1130
01:14:49.760 --> 01:14:53.540
fun playing pickleball I'm not gonna be able to make the church service but why

1131
01:14:53.540 --> 01:14:58.940
don't we get together sometimes church service he didn't but he just said hey

1132
01:14:58.940 --> 01:15:01.940
there's a church service on

1133
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.800
Sunday nights, even like say, would you like to come?

1134
01:15:02.800 --> 01:15:03.760
Okay.

1135
01:15:03.760 --> 01:15:04.760
Well, I would still like,

1136
01:15:04.760 --> 01:15:06.640
did you have fun playing pickleball with him?

1137
01:15:06.640 --> 01:15:07.480
Yeah.

1138
01:15:07.480 --> 01:15:08.320
Just reach back up and be like,

1139
01:15:08.320 --> 01:15:10.360
hey, it was really, really fun playing pickleball with you.

1140
01:15:10.360 --> 01:15:11.880
We should do that again.

1141
01:15:11.880 --> 01:15:16.880
Or, you know, grab coffee or grab lunch or something.

1142
01:15:18.000 --> 01:15:19.120
Just shoot it out there.

1143
01:15:19.120 --> 01:15:22.520
Go ahead and just initiate, like say, hey, I had fun.

1144
01:15:22.520 --> 01:15:24.600
I would like to do this again.

1145
01:15:24.600 --> 01:15:28.640
And then let him lead planning the second date

1146
01:15:28.640 --> 01:15:29.520
if he wants one.

1147
01:15:30.040 --> 01:15:30.880
Okay.

1148
01:15:30.880 --> 01:15:32.080
But let them know you're interested.

1149
01:15:32.080 --> 01:15:33.400
Let them know you had a good time

1150
01:15:33.400 --> 01:15:34.760
and you want a second date.

1151
01:15:36.760 --> 01:15:38.960
So that's the second guy, right?

1152
01:15:38.960 --> 01:15:40.480
You said, was there another guy?

1153
01:15:40.480 --> 01:15:41.560
That was the second guy.

1154
01:15:41.560 --> 01:15:43.600
And it was a group, a group pickleball thing.

1155
01:15:43.600 --> 01:15:45.560
The second guy's at church.

1156
01:15:45.560 --> 01:15:46.760
Okay.

1157
01:15:46.760 --> 01:15:48.280
Okay, so it was a group pickleball.

1158
01:15:48.280 --> 01:15:49.120
Yeah.

1159
01:15:49.120 --> 01:15:50.920
Like, hey, I had a lot of fun hanging out with everybody,

1160
01:15:50.920 --> 01:15:53.720
but would you be open to just you

1161
01:15:53.720 --> 01:15:55.360
and I getting together sometime?

1162
01:15:56.520 --> 01:15:57.800
Throw that out there.

1163
01:15:57.800 --> 01:15:59.080
That's the drop in the hanky.

1164
01:15:59.080 --> 01:16:01.280
Let them know that, hey, I had fun,

1165
01:16:01.280 --> 01:16:04.280
but I just want to have fun getting to know you right now.

1166
01:16:06.840 --> 01:16:07.960
Yeah, the guy with,

1167
01:16:07.960 --> 01:16:11.520
so with the guy that had the six kids, the first guy,

1168
01:16:11.520 --> 01:16:14.320
are you like interested in dropping the hanky

1169
01:16:14.320 --> 01:16:15.480
to get to know him more?

1170
01:16:15.480 --> 01:16:19.600
Or are you a little thrown back by the six kids?

1171
01:16:19.600 --> 01:16:20.920
Both.

1172
01:16:20.920 --> 01:16:22.000
Okay.

1173
01:16:22.000 --> 01:16:22.880
Here's the thing.

1174
01:16:22.880 --> 01:16:25.720
There's no harm in getting to know somebody.

1175
01:16:25.720 --> 01:16:26.560
All right?

1176
01:16:29.960 --> 01:16:32.240
Just get to know him in the here and now.

1177
01:16:32.240 --> 01:16:35.160
You probably are not going to be asking questions

1178
01:16:35.160 --> 01:16:36.080
about his kids.

1179
01:16:36.080 --> 01:16:38.720
Now, if he offers some of that up,

1180
01:16:38.720 --> 01:16:41.960
remember, we don't want to go into the overshare.

1181
01:16:43.240 --> 01:16:48.240
Do you know if he's had, like, was he married before or?

1182
01:16:48.360 --> 01:16:51.720
So the investigation was that he divorced,

1183
01:16:51.720 --> 01:16:53.520
and my friends were like,

1184
01:16:54.480 --> 01:16:55.560
you don't know if it was,

1185
01:16:55.560 --> 01:16:58.360
oh, if this six kids have one mom or several moms

1186
01:16:58.560 --> 01:17:00.200
or you know what I mean?

1187
01:17:00.200 --> 01:17:01.440
There wasn't all of that.

1188
01:17:02.520 --> 01:17:04.800
I feel like my sense of him

1189
01:17:04.800 --> 01:17:06.960
is that he really loves the Lord,

1190
01:17:06.960 --> 01:17:08.200
that he really serves people.

1191
01:17:08.200 --> 01:17:10.880
I see how he serves people at church,

1192
01:17:10.880 --> 01:17:14.240
and that's what attracted me to him is his demeanor,

1193
01:17:14.240 --> 01:17:16.320
his love for God and his love for people.

1194
01:17:17.520 --> 01:17:18.920
This whole other thing,

1195
01:17:18.920 --> 01:17:20.920
I'm learning to give grace to people.

1196
01:17:20.920 --> 01:17:23.520
Yes, give grace for that.

1197
01:17:23.520 --> 01:17:26.720
Because again, who we were in our past

1198
01:17:26.720 --> 01:17:29.560
does not mean who we are now in our future, okay?

1199
01:17:30.440 --> 01:17:34.600
Even if he's got a couple of different baby mamas,

1200
01:17:34.600 --> 01:17:38.800
like, I had a kid out of wedlock.

1201
01:17:38.800 --> 01:17:43.200
Believe it or not, I had guys from Jackie's community

1202
01:17:43.200 --> 01:17:45.120
and guys from my church

1203
01:17:45.120 --> 01:17:47.520
that didn't want to date me because I had a kid,

1204
01:17:48.640 --> 01:17:50.040
and I wasn't married before.

1205
01:17:50.920 --> 01:17:54.480
And that hurt because I'm like,

1206
01:17:54.480 --> 01:17:57.560
yeah, I get that maybe I didn't do it the way that,

1207
01:17:57.560 --> 01:18:00.080
you know, I should have done it,

1208
01:18:00.080 --> 01:18:00.920
but you know what?

1209
01:18:00.920 --> 01:18:05.920
That wasn't, I only did what I knew how to do.

1210
01:18:06.400 --> 01:18:10.520
And I repented, I got forgiveness for that.

1211
01:18:10.520 --> 01:18:15.040
And I didn't like being judged for my past discretions.

1212
01:18:15.040 --> 01:18:19.480
And so we definitely want to go in it with eyes of grace,

1213
01:18:19.480 --> 01:18:22.480
but we also want to be mindful and being like,

1214
01:18:22.480 --> 01:18:24.640
okay, is there patterns here?

1215
01:18:24.640 --> 01:18:27.480
Was there healing or anything else that took place?

1216
01:18:27.480 --> 01:18:28.920
And that's again, like,

1217
01:18:28.920 --> 01:18:32.960
you get to see that over time getting to know somebody.

1218
01:18:32.960 --> 01:18:34.640
That's why I always tell you ladies,

1219
01:18:34.640 --> 01:18:38.360
go on two or three dates before saying it's a no.

1220
01:18:38.360 --> 01:18:40.280
It's a yes until it's a no.

1221
01:18:40.280 --> 01:18:44.280
Give it two or three dates, extend grace,

1222
01:18:44.280 --> 01:18:46.800
and you can come here and let us know.

1223
01:18:46.800 --> 01:18:49.560
Like, okay, I'm not really sure how I feel about this.

1224
01:18:49.560 --> 01:18:51.960
And we can help you see those blind spots.

1225
01:18:52.560 --> 01:18:55.680
So pray about dropping the hanky to him,

1226
01:18:55.680 --> 01:18:56.960
reach out to pick a ball guy,

1227
01:18:56.960 --> 01:19:00.520
let him clue him in that you want to just hang out

1228
01:19:00.520 --> 01:19:02.320
with just him and get to know him.

1229
01:19:02.320 --> 01:19:04.240
And the other guy at church,

1230
01:19:04.240 --> 01:19:06.680
again, you could probably drop a hanky there too.

1231
01:19:07.840 --> 01:19:08.680
Yeah.

1232
01:19:08.680 --> 01:19:09.960
Sound good?

1233
01:19:09.960 --> 01:19:12.480
It's so hard to do that kind of stuff, but yeah.

1234
01:19:12.480 --> 01:19:13.560
And you can space it out.

1235
01:19:13.560 --> 01:19:15.520
I wouldn't say go do it all in one day.

1236
01:19:16.920 --> 01:19:19.920
You don't want to double and triple book yourself either.

1237
01:19:20.440 --> 01:19:21.280
Do it on an app.

1238
01:19:21.280 --> 01:19:22.520
It's another thing too.

1239
01:19:22.520 --> 01:19:25.400
I was sharing at the other group, in the church circles,

1240
01:19:25.400 --> 01:19:27.040
you ask somebody to opt for coffee

1241
01:19:27.040 --> 01:19:28.400
and you might as well have proposed.

1242
01:19:28.400 --> 01:19:29.440
You know what I mean?

1243
01:19:30.760 --> 01:19:32.760
And everybody at church knows about it.

1244
01:19:34.000 --> 01:19:35.680
It's like, how are you going to be received?

1245
01:19:35.680 --> 01:19:38.880
Is it going to be, you know, it's just, ugh.

1246
01:19:38.880 --> 01:19:39.720
I don't know.

1247
01:19:39.720 --> 01:19:41.800
It's being vulnerable and it's putting yourself out there.

1248
01:19:41.800 --> 01:19:44.600
And again, like it's reminding yourself,

1249
01:19:44.600 --> 01:19:46.520
getting to know someone for coffee

1250
01:19:46.520 --> 01:19:48.640
is not a marriage proposal.

1251
01:19:49.160 --> 01:19:50.680
I explain it this way.

1252
01:19:52.080 --> 01:19:56.320
Would you be hesitant to go out with a new girlfriend?

1253
01:19:56.320 --> 01:19:58.440
Like a girl that you just want to be friends with?

1254
01:19:58.440 --> 01:20:00.680
Then why should it be any different with a man?

1255
01:20:00.960 --> 01:20:06.320
Because he's a man. I know but we have to just be like look I am just getting to know somebody

1256
01:20:06.320 --> 01:20:12.800
that is it. Seeing if there is a spark of interest there. Is there anything intriguing? What do I

1257
01:20:12.800 --> 01:20:18.720
like about a person? What do I find you know appealing about this person? What do I not find

1258
01:20:18.720 --> 01:20:23.440
appealing? Because sometimes we go into it thinking oh I'm really like excited for this and then

1259
01:20:24.800 --> 01:20:28.560
he's a slob when he eats and you're just like oh I can't I can't do that.

1260
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:35.200
Or he's really healthy and he's talking about you know an ex-girlfriend and he hasn't gotten

1261
01:20:35.200 --> 01:20:40.640
any healing from or whatever. Like you're just getting to know somebody that's it.

1262
01:20:41.200 --> 01:20:44.480
I was going to be like so what bible study do you go to? What life group do you go to?

1263
01:20:44.480 --> 01:20:49.840
Is that a strategy or is that too vague? I mean if you're at church right and you see

1264
01:20:49.840 --> 01:20:55.520
each other in a church setting. I don't see that being a problem because you are in community at

1265
01:20:55.520 --> 01:21:02.160
church. Those aren't things that like on an app I would be like hey go ask that to a guy on an app.

1266
01:21:03.920 --> 01:21:10.960
That's a little like you know let them disclose that information to you. But when you are in a

1267
01:21:10.960 --> 01:21:16.000
level one community of church community then that's an appropriate question to ask.

1268
01:21:18.400 --> 01:21:24.800
That question then would you like to have coffee? Yeah but keep us posted okay. Thank you.

1269
01:21:24.800 --> 01:21:31.040
Thank you. All right Karina how are you? Good to see you. Good how are you? Good.

1270
01:21:31.920 --> 01:21:39.200
Good so I've been off the apps for about three weeks because I was on a short mission trip with

1271
01:21:39.200 --> 01:21:44.480
my church. I didn't want to be talking to anybody while on except so I decided not to do that.

1272
01:21:44.480 --> 01:21:49.760
But anyway on the trip there was this one guy who's actually my co-worker now. He's pretty

1273
01:21:49.840 --> 01:21:56.880
new to where I work. We're both therapists and I started noticing how in the trip it was like a

1274
01:21:56.880 --> 01:22:01.600
week and a half and the trip he just kept kind of gravitating towards me kind of sitting next to me

1275
01:22:01.600 --> 01:22:08.720
kind of talking to me a lot. However one I was not interested because one I'm not attracted to

1276
01:22:08.720 --> 01:22:14.160
him at all. He's like where are you sure? I'm sure I'm five two. He's like max five three five four.

1277
01:22:14.880 --> 01:22:21.440
Okay and just I was just not attracted to him too. We work together even though we don't really see

1278
01:22:21.440 --> 01:22:28.640
each other because we're both part-time. But as he kept talking more and more to me like I started

1279
01:22:28.640 --> 01:22:33.440
realizing like you know I like his character. I'm not attracted to him but I'm starting to

1280
01:22:33.440 --> 01:22:38.560
like his character. He has like a very you know like a servant's heart and things like that.

1281
01:22:39.200 --> 01:22:44.160
But towards the end like I started noticing he kept on kind of like picking on me.

1282
01:22:44.160 --> 01:22:47.360
Kind of like a little kid that likes a little like a little girl kind of like. Yeah because he's

1283
01:22:47.360 --> 01:22:53.120
probably into you. But I'm not a fan of it. At first I was like you know what not that bad but

1284
01:22:53.120 --> 01:22:57.280
after it just kept going and kept going and kept going and I was like that's me like stop and he

1285
01:22:57.280 --> 01:23:03.280
just kept going and like picking on me. So I was like I don't know if that's a maturity thing or

1286
01:23:03.280 --> 01:23:10.400
if it's just uh. How old is he? He's 39. 39 okay yeah that's a little.

1287
01:23:12.560 --> 01:23:16.800
So I don't know that put me off but another thing that I was a little confused well not confused but

1288
01:23:17.600 --> 01:23:23.840
a little bit unsure about was um it's a hard work I know I have to do but he asked me like oh what

1289
01:23:23.840 --> 01:23:27.520
did you think about me when we first met which was like several months back and I told him and

1290
01:23:27.520 --> 01:23:34.320
then I asked him what about you he's like I thought you were very stuck up um he said because

1291
01:23:34.320 --> 01:23:40.080
I guess I can be very quiet so and I've been told this before that because I'm quiet it seems like

1292
01:23:40.080 --> 01:23:45.520
I'm stuck up and he's like you're very professional like you seem like you have your guard up. You

1293
01:23:45.520 --> 01:23:50.880
need to get to know people before you open up and let them in yeah and some people can read it that

1294
01:23:50.960 --> 01:23:58.080
way but I want you like did you affirm to him like that is not you and I want and and you are

1295
01:23:58.080 --> 01:24:04.400
not carrying that when people say that break that off if people say that over you it's okay to break

1296
01:24:04.400 --> 01:24:10.400
that off because you know that that's not who you are. Yeah and I didn't mention to him well I've

1297
01:24:10.400 --> 01:24:14.080
been told that since I was little so I was a little kid I've been told that not all the time

1298
01:24:14.080 --> 01:24:21.680
but sometimes um and and he was able to say like oh but you're also this you're funny you're this

1299
01:24:21.680 --> 01:24:27.200
he was able to say like positive things about me not just that but I don't know I feel like

1300
01:24:27.200 --> 01:24:32.400
it just triggered that and me again the whole people think I'm stuck up or I know I do have

1301
01:24:32.400 --> 01:24:37.840
a guard up like how do I work on that I'm like laying that guard down. Yeah those things will

1302
01:24:37.840 --> 01:24:43.120
be like you know just going and asking the questions and asking like when people when

1303
01:24:43.120 --> 01:24:50.240
people say that to you how does it make you feel and what are you thinking and then just be writing

1304
01:24:50.240 --> 01:24:57.680
that and again like the best way that that I've learned how to do this is if I can just write

1305
01:24:57.680 --> 01:24:59.920
and think like share like what my feelings are.

1306
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.960
are, I will, and then read over it, I will tend to see what

1307
01:25:04.000 --> 01:25:09.160
pattern, like, what's the root, like, I can typically see, okay,

1308
01:25:09.160 --> 01:25:14.040
this is tied to my worth, this is tied to my identity, this is

1309
01:25:14.040 --> 01:25:18.520
tied to trust. And I can kind of navigate that. And then that's

1310
01:25:18.520 --> 01:25:21.960
when again, it's just spending time in prayer, spending time

1311
01:25:21.960 --> 01:25:25.640
with the Lord, asking for those revealings for healings, when

1312
01:25:25.640 --> 01:25:29.400
did you when did you when did that? When did that first

1313
01:25:29.400 --> 01:25:34.680
feeling come about? Like what memories are tied to that? walk

1314
01:25:34.680 --> 01:25:37.640
through any forgiveness? Sometimes there's repentance,

1315
01:25:37.880 --> 01:25:44.520
like, you know, if it's, you know, when people say that,

1316
01:25:45.280 --> 01:25:51.920
sometimes it's a word, I repent from ever taking that on. I

1317
01:25:51.920 --> 01:25:55.320
repent from, you know, believing that about me,

1318
01:25:55.720 --> 01:26:01.480
because this is who you say I am. And so again, I'm just I'm

1319
01:26:01.480 --> 01:26:05.680
sensing it's more of an identity and a worth thing. And what you

1320
01:26:05.680 --> 01:26:07.040
believe about yourself.

1321
01:26:08.440 --> 01:26:13.840
And, yeah, I've been told, I don't know, like 1011, maybe by

1322
01:26:13.840 --> 01:26:17.320
like, an aunt, like a relative that I didn't really see very

1323
01:26:17.320 --> 01:26:21.400
much. And then after that, just by like other random people,

1324
01:26:21.720 --> 01:26:24.480
that I don't really go back to go back to that. And I would

1325
01:26:24.480 --> 01:26:27.840
spend some time processing through that. And recall the

1326
01:26:27.840 --> 01:26:31.760
memories. What was happening? What were you thinking? What

1327
01:26:31.760 --> 01:26:36.240
were you doing? What were you feeling? Was it a certain time

1328
01:26:36.240 --> 01:26:40.640
of year, like, ask the Lord to start revealing certain things

1329
01:26:40.640 --> 01:26:44.080
to you and figuring out where that root is, and what you

1330
01:26:44.080 --> 01:26:47.440
believed and what lie you started believing. And then

1331
01:26:47.480 --> 01:26:51.120
again, it's replacing the truth, like replacing the lie with

1332
01:26:51.120 --> 01:26:55.640
his truth. Okay, but that's where I'm, I'm, I'm sensing it

1333
01:26:55.640 --> 01:27:00.840
has to do with identity and worth. And there was something

1334
01:27:00.840 --> 01:27:03.960
Yeah, there's something there. And so that's why that's a

1335
01:27:03.960 --> 01:27:09.600
trigger. So, um, and ladies, and this is the thing, like, I would

1336
01:27:09.600 --> 01:27:13.400
say give him a chance, but you don't have to, if he asked you

1337
01:27:13.400 --> 01:27:15.680
out, I wouldn't say you have to go drop a hanky if he asked you

1338
01:27:15.680 --> 01:27:20.440
out, give him a chance. But if if you don't, and it's okay, if

1339
01:27:20.440 --> 01:27:25.160
you don't want to, I think this interaction in this situation,

1340
01:27:25.160 --> 01:27:31.480
this opportunity is allowing you another level of healing, just

1341
01:27:31.480 --> 01:27:36.560
growing you deeper, that's just going to heal you more and

1342
01:27:36.600 --> 01:27:43.280
continue to prepare you for your love story. Okay. All right. All

1343
01:27:43.280 --> 01:27:45.760
right. Is it Amaka?

1344
01:27:48.640 --> 01:27:51.480
Yeah, so I know I had a hard time with your name last week.

1345
01:27:52.480 --> 01:27:57.400
Yeah, you did. You did a good job today. So well done. Yeah. So

1346
01:27:57.400 --> 01:28:01.560
I just wanted to get feedback on how I handle this narration. I

1347
01:28:01.600 --> 01:28:06.240
live in Nigeria, we don't really do dating apps as much. So

1348
01:28:06.240 --> 01:28:09.600
that's not a thing here. But there is someone that I've been

1349
01:28:09.600 --> 01:28:13.840
talking to who met me from church. And I would say we've

1350
01:28:13.840 --> 01:28:18.840
been on level two for about two, three weeks. And we had the

1351
01:28:18.840 --> 01:28:22.840
conversation a few days ago, where he expressed interest in

1352
01:28:22.880 --> 01:28:27.000
moving to level three. But there are some issues. Number one, I

1353
01:28:27.000 --> 01:28:36.120
am going to be moving. Yeah, in November. And we're both like

1354
01:28:36.120 --> 01:28:39.320
very in person people. Like even when we want to have any

1355
01:28:39.320 --> 01:28:43.840
kind of serious conversations, we have it in person. Because we

1356
01:28:43.840 --> 01:28:46.000
tend to see each other frequently because of church

1357
01:28:46.000 --> 01:28:49.680
meeting and stuff. So we just talk after. And then the other

1358
01:28:49.680 --> 01:28:54.080
thing was, he also was very open about the fact that he doesn't

1359
01:28:54.080 --> 01:28:58.200
know if he's ready to be married, which took me aback

1360
01:28:58.240 --> 01:29:01.040
because I don't I don't know how to handle that. I think he's

1361
01:29:01.040 --> 01:29:05.840
scared that he's not ready. And I don't want to be his mom and

1362
01:29:06.120 --> 01:29:13.160
you know, navigate that piece. So I decided to kind of tell him

1363
01:29:13.160 --> 01:29:17.040
that I don't I don't think we should continue walking, given

1364
01:29:17.040 --> 01:29:20.920
the situation. So so that's what happened. But I wanted to get

1365
01:29:20.920 --> 01:29:24.480
some feedback on if that was the right move or

1366
01:29:25.000 --> 01:29:27.040
I mean, do you feel like it was the right thing?

1367
01:29:27.880 --> 01:29:31.200
I don't know. I'm confused. Because we get along pretty

1368
01:29:31.200 --> 01:29:36.800
well. We Yeah, I don't know. I mean, you're just second

1369
01:29:36.800 --> 01:29:41.120
guessing your choice, right? Yeah, like, I just want to want

1370
01:29:41.120 --> 01:29:45.240
to do how I mean, you guys have spent two or three weeks

1371
01:29:45.240 --> 01:29:49.160
together when he address like when he addressed you about

1372
01:29:49.200 --> 01:29:52.880
moving to level three. Is he aware that you're moving in

1373
01:29:52.880 --> 01:29:53.560
November?

1374
01:29:54.200 --> 01:30:00.040
He is. And he is and he basically was like, although the

1375
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.520
girls that I've dated in the past,

1376
01:30:02.520 --> 01:30:05.400
I would like to, you seem different,

1377
01:30:05.400 --> 01:30:07.920
and I do, I would like to be your boyfriend,

1378
01:30:07.920 --> 01:30:10.440
but with the move, I don't know

1379
01:30:10.440 --> 01:30:11.920
how we're going to navigate that,

1380
01:30:11.920 --> 01:30:14.600
was kind of what he said.

1381
01:30:14.600 --> 01:30:15.960
And I thought that made sense,

1382
01:30:15.960 --> 01:30:17.680
because I also don't know,

1383
01:30:17.680 --> 01:30:20.120
and I don't like long distance, so.

1384
01:30:21.640 --> 01:30:23.800
Yeah, I think in those types of situations,

1385
01:30:23.800 --> 01:30:27.480
like, it is, like, it would be asking,

1386
01:30:27.480 --> 01:30:29.440
well, what does this look like?

1387
01:30:29.440 --> 01:30:33.160
What does being, what does you being my boyfriend look like?

1388
01:30:35.520 --> 01:30:38.400
You know, I mean, because if it's a,

1389
01:30:38.400 --> 01:30:39.920
oh, I just want to be able to kiss you,

1390
01:30:39.920 --> 01:30:42.080
I want to be able to do all this stuff with,

1391
01:30:42.080 --> 01:30:44.480
you know, and you're investing your heart into it,

1392
01:30:44.480 --> 01:30:46.560
and then you're just going to be leaving,

1393
01:30:46.560 --> 01:30:47.880
you can be clear and just say,

1394
01:30:47.880 --> 01:30:51.280
look, that's not what I'm looking for.

1395
01:30:51.280 --> 01:30:52.560
Because here's the thing,

1396
01:30:52.560 --> 01:30:54.560
you don't know what it's going to look like.

1397
01:30:54.560 --> 01:30:59.440
Is he willing and open and interested

1398
01:30:59.440 --> 01:31:03.840
in the possibility of it continuing to get serious

1399
01:31:03.840 --> 01:31:06.040
even after the move?

1400
01:31:06.040 --> 01:31:09.120
And is he open to the idea of moving?

1401
01:31:09.120 --> 01:31:10.760
If you ask him, like, look,

1402
01:31:12.600 --> 01:31:14.240
you know, what does this look like to you?

1403
01:31:14.240 --> 01:31:16.800
What does being my boyfriend look like

1404
01:31:16.800 --> 01:31:19.760
with me leaving in November?

1405
01:31:19.760 --> 01:31:24.520
Is there any possibility that if this continues to go well,

1406
01:31:25.480 --> 01:31:27.800
and we enjoy each other, that you'd be willing to move?

1407
01:31:27.800 --> 01:31:30.680
And if his answer is no, then you can be like,

1408
01:31:30.680 --> 01:31:33.880
well, then I'm not going to continue to move forward.

1409
01:31:33.880 --> 01:31:38.320
If you are open to the idea of seeing where this goes,

1410
01:31:38.320 --> 01:31:40.000
then that's one thing.

1411
01:31:40.000 --> 01:31:41.960
I'm a little hesitant with him,

1412
01:31:41.960 --> 01:31:46.080
not sure if he's ready to be married, but here's the thing.

1413
01:31:46.080 --> 01:31:48.520
Sometimes men aren't sure yet.

1414
01:31:48.520 --> 01:31:51.920
Like men are not going to be always ready out the gate.

1415
01:31:51.920 --> 01:31:53.360
Some men, like you are going to know

1416
01:31:53.360 --> 01:31:54.760
if there's a marriage-minded man,

1417
01:31:54.760 --> 01:31:55.880
because if he is marriage-minded,

1418
01:31:55.880 --> 01:31:58.040
he won't let you know in the very, very beginning.

1419
01:31:58.040 --> 01:32:00.600
Most all the time.

1420
01:32:00.600 --> 01:32:02.840
Not everyone is like that though,

1421
01:32:02.840 --> 01:32:05.320
but it doesn't mean that they're not open to marriage.

1422
01:32:05.320 --> 01:32:08.840
It's just, they're not sure what that would look like.

1423
01:32:08.840 --> 01:32:12.640
So again, those are things that you have to,

1424
01:32:12.640 --> 01:32:17.280
you have to find peace within yourself about your decision.

1425
01:32:17.280 --> 01:32:21.920
And so that's what I would encourage you is spending time

1426
01:32:21.920 --> 01:32:26.000
seeking the Lord for the peace that you need

1427
01:32:26.000 --> 01:32:28.720
in the decisions that you're making.

1428
01:32:28.720 --> 01:32:33.080
So, go ahead.

1429
01:32:33.920 --> 01:32:36.320
Yeah, he did mention being open to move,

1430
01:32:36.320 --> 01:32:38.280
but the thing with the move is

1431
01:32:38.280 --> 01:32:40.560
there's going to be a lot of paperwork involved

1432
01:32:40.560 --> 01:32:43.600
with like filings and work authorizations.

1433
01:32:43.600 --> 01:32:46.480
It's not as straightforward, and most of the time.

1434
01:32:46.480 --> 01:32:49.760
Yeah, it's not like you're moving from, you know,

1435
01:32:49.760 --> 01:32:51.880
one neighborhood to the other side of the, you know.

1436
01:32:51.880 --> 01:32:52.720
Exactly, right.

1437
01:32:52.720 --> 01:32:54.200
You're moving completely international.

1438
01:32:54.200 --> 01:32:57.280
There's career implications and all of that stuff.

1439
01:32:57.280 --> 01:33:00.440
And most of the time you can't really do that for someone

1440
01:33:00.440 --> 01:33:02.280
unless you're married to them.

1441
01:33:02.280 --> 01:33:06.680
So it's almost impossible for him to just move.

1442
01:33:06.680 --> 01:33:07.960
It's going to be difficult

1443
01:33:07.960 --> 01:33:10.760
and have all of that sorted by himself.

1444
01:33:11.600 --> 01:33:16.000
So that's another layer to the situation.

1445
01:33:16.000 --> 01:33:19.880
So he's willing, but it's how will that work

1446
01:33:19.880 --> 01:33:21.000
in your relationship.

1447
01:33:21.000 --> 01:33:21.840
Exactly.

1448
01:33:21.840 --> 01:33:25.240
This is when, again, this is where it gets,

1449
01:33:25.240 --> 01:33:28.360
it's that surrendering the pen.

1450
01:33:28.360 --> 01:33:29.200
Yeah.

1451
01:33:29.200 --> 01:33:34.000
And that's why I encourage you to spend time

1452
01:33:34.000 --> 01:33:36.520
seeking the Lord for the peace,

1453
01:33:36.520 --> 01:33:41.120
because he's the only one that's going to give you the peace

1454
01:33:41.120 --> 01:33:43.080
about your decisions.

1455
01:33:43.120 --> 01:33:45.560
And so, and I, and just, again,

1456
01:33:45.560 --> 01:33:47.160
I can speak from my own wisdom

1457
01:33:47.160 --> 01:33:50.600
and I understand that when we surrender those pens,

1458
01:33:50.600 --> 01:33:55.280
it can be scary, but if we're connected to the Lord,

1459
01:33:55.280 --> 01:33:57.080
he is going to guide us in that.

1460
01:33:57.080 --> 01:33:59.480
There will be a peace that follows it

1461
01:34:00.600 --> 01:34:02.840
when you're seeking it.

1462
01:34:02.840 --> 01:34:04.120
And you'll know.

1463
01:34:04.120 --> 01:34:07.120
Like, I really want to encourage all of you ladies

1464
01:34:07.120 --> 01:34:09.840
is just to always be seeking the Lord

1465
01:34:09.840 --> 01:34:12.960
about those decisions and following up.

1466
01:34:13.840 --> 01:34:17.880
And that is peace even when you're not sure

1467
01:34:17.880 --> 01:34:19.640
what you're supposed to be doing.

1468
01:34:19.640 --> 01:34:20.880
I did that a number of times.

1469
01:34:20.880 --> 01:34:22.920
I did that with a guy that I was dating

1470
01:34:22.920 --> 01:34:24.320
and I wasn't sure if I was supposed

1471
01:34:24.320 --> 01:34:26.160
to break up with him or not.

1472
01:34:26.160 --> 01:34:30.120
And I did because I just didn't have peace to continue.

1473
01:34:30.120 --> 01:34:33.000
And after I had it done, I felt so much more relief,

1474
01:34:33.000 --> 01:34:36.400
but I also was like, did I do the right thing?

1475
01:34:36.400 --> 01:34:37.560
I gave it to the Lord.

1476
01:34:37.560 --> 01:34:39.800
I was like, Lord, if I shut the door

1477
01:34:39.800 --> 01:34:41.680
and I wasn't supposed to,

1478
01:34:41.680 --> 01:34:45.440
I invested in me and my spirit mate and my love story

1479
01:34:45.440 --> 01:34:48.200
that if I close the door and it was supposed to stay open,

1480
01:34:48.200 --> 01:34:50.920
you are going to bring this man back into my life.

1481
01:34:50.920 --> 01:34:52.880
I'm not going to have to do anything.

1482
01:34:52.880 --> 01:34:54.240
I'm not going to have to talk to this guy.

1483
01:34:54.240 --> 01:34:55.480
I'm not going to have to reach out to him.

1484
01:34:55.480 --> 01:34:56.400
None of that.

1485
01:34:56.400 --> 01:34:58.640
Ladies, that door never opened.

1486
01:34:58.640 --> 01:35:00.440
And that doesn't mean that Jackie.

1487
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.760
at times, because she knew about him, she would ask me about him and I'd be like,

1488
01:35:03.760 --> 01:35:08.240
oh, am I supposed to reach out to him? And I would always go back and be like, no,

1489
01:35:09.040 --> 01:35:16.480
God, you are going to bring him in front of me. I don't have to go do it. And it was about a week

1490
01:35:16.480 --> 01:35:23.840
before my husband and I met, or he got introduced, Jackie brought that guy up again. And I was like,

1491
01:35:23.840 --> 01:35:30.160
nope, not going to do it. And then with my husband, you know, I was unsure for a little

1492
01:35:30.160 --> 01:35:39.440
while. And then we started dating and there was so much confirmation, like things God had spoken to

1493
01:35:39.440 --> 01:35:47.200
me years prior to meeting him were just supernaturally happening. And so I really

1494
01:35:47.200 --> 01:35:53.760
sought the Lord in that relationship. And I had peace to follow into that relationship and follow

1495
01:35:53.760 --> 01:35:58.560
into marriage. And there was, again, there was a lot of different things. So ladies, I just

1496
01:35:58.560 --> 01:36:05.120
really encourage you to get in touch with the Lord and really, really spend that time

1497
01:36:06.640 --> 01:36:14.640
praying to him, seeking him, asking for his wisdom, asking for his peace and being in

1498
01:36:14.640 --> 01:36:23.280
relationship with God, because it will make the process a lot more less intimidating.

1499
01:36:24.640 --> 01:36:29.840
That's super helpful. I think for me, the last thing I'll say, part of why I was beating myself

1500
01:36:29.840 --> 01:36:35.600
up and second guessing is because I am a shy, anxious attacher. And a lot of times I make

1501
01:36:35.600 --> 01:36:41.920
decisions that come across as very emotional. So I tend to not trust myself because I know I was

1502
01:36:41.920 --> 01:36:47.280
very emotional when I was making those decisions. And so I'm like, was this God, was this logic,

1503
01:36:47.280 --> 01:36:52.400
or was this emotions? And I'm not really sure where to place that. God is not a God of confusion.

1504
01:36:52.400 --> 01:36:56.480
So if you're feeling confused, that's when you're sitting, you're trying to do it in your own

1505
01:36:57.200 --> 01:37:04.720
strength. So just rest in that. You can trust yourself because you have a heavenly father

1506
01:37:04.720 --> 01:37:10.320
that loves you and you can trust in that. And he's not going to steer you wrong.

1507
01:37:12.320 --> 01:37:13.280
Thank you.

1508
01:37:13.280 --> 01:37:19.280
You're welcome. All right, ladies, it's time. I appreciate you all so much. I hope this blessed

1509
01:37:19.280 --> 01:37:26.160
you. If you did not get to ask a question and you had a question, please, please, please put it in

1510
01:37:26.160 --> 01:37:32.640
the app. I definitely want to hear from you ladies. But again, ladies, always a pleasure.

1511
01:37:32.640 --> 01:37:36.320
And I will see you all next week. Okay. Take care.