WEBVTT

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So, ladies, it's so good to see all of y'all tonight, and I want to hit us on our right

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time tonight.

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Hey, Kathy, Ashley, and all, we're coming in, Stephanie, Sarah, Kim, hey, Kim, I saw

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your update on when I got off work today.

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Oh, thank you, Kim.

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Hello, hello, hello.

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Hey, hey there, Felicia.

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So, I don't think we have anyone.

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I love those green earrings, oh, my God.

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Thank you.

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Oh!

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Okay.

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Thank you.

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Hey, Stephanie, yes, Asena, yes, Sania, is this your first time with us?

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Yes, it is.

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Well, welcome to phase two, we are so happy to have you, I am Ebony, I'm your last year

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single coach.

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I'm so happy to do.

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Nice to meet you.

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Nice to meet you.

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Nice to meet you.

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I am a third grade teacher here in Austin, Texas, and we're so happy to do this phase

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of the journey with you.

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It's one of my most favorite phases because it causes so much growth to happen, and it

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requires a lot of surrender for most ladies, so, yay.

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Are you familiar with how to go in and look at the courses?

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Yes.

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Yes, I am.

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Good.

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And it's just like hard work, I shouldn't have put a piece of candy in my mouth, I'm

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sorry.

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It's just like hard work, we want you to watch one every week and grab your a-ha moments,

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post anything you want to on the community while we'll respond to you.

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This coaching session is not just about dating, it's about you, and so, just show up you.

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And yeah, that's it, do you have any questions for me?

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No, thank you, thank you for the introduction.

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You're welcome.

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All right.

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Okay, ladies, I'm on the phone tonight, so when y'all start putting your hands up, I

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may not catch it the same way, but I hope so.

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Hey, um, oh, Soficio, hey, Soficio.

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Hey, how are you?

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Good to hear your voice tonight.

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Okay, y'all are rolling in, um, Michelle, and from NYC, is that Malkia?

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Good evening.

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Malkia.

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Malkia.

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Malkia.

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Is this your first time with us?

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Um, I'm usually not live, but I do listen to the replays.

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Oh, okay.

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All right, well, good.

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Okay, good.

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Well, glad to have you.

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I'm sure, so that means you hear Carla's voice a lot more.

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Usually the replay is usually, um, Carla's session.

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Anyway, all right, great.

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Let's go.

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I think it's this ring light that has me glowing, but I'll take it, honey.

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I want to take it with me everywhere I go.

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All right, so ladies, we don't have much for housekeeping.

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Um, just keep showing up, keep sharing, and keep encouraging each other, and it always

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helps when you see someone else post.

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If you have a like experience, um, thank you, Stephanie.

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If you have a like experience, feel free to encourage and support your sisters.

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We are not far apart from each other.

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Most of us struggle.

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Since we've been in this tribe, we understand that most of us struggle with some of the

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same things, if not all of the same things.

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And most of all of us, probably except for maybe 5%, are nervous about the dating process.

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Nobody on here is not nervous whether they've been on 10 dates.

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The very first date, the very first profile, the very first everything was a struggle.

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It didn't come easy.

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Um, and so I just want to say that.

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So what do you ladies have on your mind tonight?

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Do you post when you have a date?

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We like to know when you have a date.

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We like to know what you're wearing.

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Oh, you got a dinner date tonight.

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Oop, whoop, whoop.

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We like that.

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But no, you don't have to post.

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We just like to know all about it.

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It's fun.

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Lauren, did you have your hand up?

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Yeah, I just want to do a follow up to last week.

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Go for it.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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Um, so last week I shared that I matched with someone on Facebook dating, and we were talking.

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And I think I mentioned it was like talking and then texting and felt like he kind of

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had like an anxious attachment and you encouraged me to take control and slow it down, which

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I did.

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So thank you.

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Yeah.

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And it helped.

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I think it helped me also, because this is like a new you know, it's been a while.

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And then the whole online dating thing.

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So I've been able to kind of put more space.

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So if he like text me, and I like just take it off the pressure of feeling I need to respond.

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I'll like respond when I feel like good about responding.

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And I have also initiate some texts.

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So we did have our first date on Sunday.

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It went well.

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I was a little nervous because of the texting and talking on the phone.

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I felt like it kind of had a connection.

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So I was a little worried like meet in person and there's just like chemistry and then it's

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like too much little overwhelming.

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So we met in person and there wasn't that for me, which in all honesty, I was relieved

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because that tends to cloud judgment.

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And I just wanted to be able to have clarity and be able to like be curious and hear him,

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especially with questions being asked.

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So once got over the whole nervousness of meeting in person, like I just felt calm.

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I had this clarity.

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I could ask the questions.

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I really wanted to find out about him.

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And he was very sensitive to me of like wanting to kind of walk around and not just meet and

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sit down and have like a meal.

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So we we met like at a mall and walked around, got something to drink, sat down for a little

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bit, ask some questions.

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I try to keep it light, but I also ask some serious questions.

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And yeah, and then we did have a meal together and yeah, it wasn't awkward.

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I'm just taking it slow and I actually am like learning about him and liking him.

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So it's very different for me because I'm usually the pursuer and he's very intentional

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and he's making a lot of the contact, which feels good to me.

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He's very open and upfront what he wants.

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Again, I'm not used to.

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So very different for me.

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A lot of like leaning back and kind of receiving and not taking the control.

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And yeah, so we have another date.

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He asked me out again today.

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So Saturday is our second date.

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That's so exciting.

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I'm happy for you and I like that you decided to set a pace that works for you.

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I think oftentimes we can put.

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Oh, hold on.

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I never had no phone call come through because I ain't never been on my phone.

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I disappeared from y'all.

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Oh, I'm back.

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Do y'all see me?

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Great.

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A lot of times we think that we are operating in a way that, oh, well, he's doing this and he's doing that.

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And he's doing this and he's just going too fast.

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And he's just this this as if we don't have a vote in the matter.

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And a lot of times that happens when we also put other responsibilities on the man.

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He should call me. He should do this.

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He should do that. He should do that.

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Also produces that other mindset.

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Well, he just he talked about it, so I talked about it.

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He did this, so I did it.

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He's just going too fast.

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I just don't know, you know.

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And so what happens is when we start giving out roles, we exclude ourselves from the more powerful things that we can be doing.

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Like what you did and said like this is overwhelming.

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Hey, I want to get to know you, but there are some terms that I have.

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And these are my terms.

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And then all of a sudden you can breathe.

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And it's not as bad as you thought it was.

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It was just so bad.

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because you feel like someone else was controlling the pace of your process. And that's never fun.

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Yeah, it really helped me like your encouragement really helped me to like,

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yeah, set boundaries. And he's in CFP respects them. And he has like, he'll, he'll still text

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like, he's been consistent. So like, what I appreciate, like he hasn't, like, oh, she hasn't

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responded, you know, like, he's not playing games, like, I don't respond. And I had told him up

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front, you know, I will respond when I can. And I have and like you're saying, not playing games.

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Because I also want to acknowledge like his effort. And I want I don't want to discourage him

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because especially a man nowadays, like, being really intentional upfront, no games. I'm not

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like, does he like me? Or is he interested? Like, he's very interested. He asked me questions.

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And I also just wanted to share with you that exercise about like, the picture of the heart,

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like really helped me I had that image in my mind of like, being guarded and what to share and what

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not to share. Like he is a stranger, I'm still getting to know him. So I just want to thank you

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for that exercise, because it was a picture in my head. Yeah, really?

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Yeah, that is so awesome. Let you remember when we did the activity, when we put this circle around

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us and determine who goes where. And she's just saying that that was very helpful. I'm so happy

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to know that, you know, the first time I learned that some years ago, I forgot what I was doing.

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But it stuck with me also. Like, that's how I see people in life. Like there's a spot for

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everybody. And so yeah, I'm so happy that that's helpful to you. Yeah, yay. Thank you for sharing.

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And just as Mandy prepares to share, you guys, I want you to take note that she said he is

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definitely pursuing me. When a man wants you, you won't know about it. It ain't no well, maybe he

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well, maybe he no. There's no confusion. And you don't know it until you experience one like that.

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And when you experience a man who wants you not a man who just want to have sex with you, right?

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I'm not talking about that type. I'm talking about a man who knows his value, knows his worth,

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and he is pursuing you. Like, you know, the difference. And when you experience you like

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they were right. They were right. It took me that experience to know like, they're right.

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And just briefly share a win for me. Yeah, that frightens me because that vulnerability,

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like it scares me and sometimes I'll run because I'm usually like pursuing and I feel like I have

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some control. But like leaning back and receiving like it's really kind of helped me also see where

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the hard work I've done. And you know, when I do feel like, like that, like, wanna shut down,

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I challenge myself. And like, well, where is this coming from? So the, you know, doing the

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hard work has really, like, you know, the dating and discovery really does show you like how much

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work you've done. Yeah, good, like, you could like be proud and also, okay, I need to work

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more here on this. But overall, it's really just helped me to learn more about myself.

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And what I really do want at the end of the day, and what's important to me.

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Yeah, that's awesome. That's awesome. Thanks, Lorraine. Yay. Okay, Mandy getting on here

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looking fine. Honey, if I knew you were bringing it like that. Oh my gosh.

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You're cracking me up. Thank you. So okay, so I've had a really interesting week.

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And I went on like a spontaneous ice cream date. And well, I know you're clapping. But uh,

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yeah, it was interesting. So it was okay. This man was not my type at all. But I know in the

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program, we're like, give him a chance, blah, blah, blah. Okay, so I've realized when I know

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somebody's not my type, I just can't do it. Because when he showed up, I was embarrassed.

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I know that sounds so bad. But I don't know if anyone's ever experienced that.

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But he just looked so much older than me. And he was not cute. I was like, praying to God,

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Lord, please let no one see me that I know. I know that sounds really mean and shallow.

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But I literally was like, this man looks worse than the pictures. And he was really like,

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he was all in like, I can't believe you matched with me. And

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this is just a dream come true and got me flowers and all the things and

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I had to, you know, I had to break it to him nicely, because it was like a lot, it was a

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little overwhelming with the texting after that and sending me scriptures and being encouraging

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and all these things. And yeah, anyway, so I just let him know, like, I just see you as a brother

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in Christ, but I told him about the program. No, you did hit him with the brother in Christ.

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I did, I had to, I was like getting nauseous. And I'm like, I know, I know, because I just,

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I feel like I'm, the enemy wants me to believe this lie that if I date a man of God, he's going

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to have to be ugly. And I just, I don't know why that it's like, all the guys that I'm interested

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in are not interested in me. And then the ones that are not attractive at all, or, I mean,

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maybe they're okay. And I'm like, I just need to get to know them. And then maybe they'll become

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cute anyway, but I do feel, I know that sounds bad. Okay. But I've dated both. I've dated some,

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you know, that are like super fine and disgusting on the inside. And then I've dated some that are

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just like, you know, anyway, so that was interesting. And then I've just been praying

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for God to shut all counterfeit doors. I've had a lot of conversations, a lot of FaceTimes,

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and I just feel like I got, I don't know, like it's just not going anywhere. And so recently

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there's this guy who I've been talking to. I actually told him I wasn't interested on Facebook

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dating. And then he matched with me again on the art app. And he said, please give me a chance.

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00:16:36.180 --> 00:16:44.240
And I was like, okay, I will. And it's been like the best conversation that I've had with

229
00:16:44.240 --> 00:16:52.060
a guy. And I FaceTimed him for 30 minutes. He seems very driven. I don't even know, but I like

230
00:16:52.060 --> 00:16:57.540
have so much excitement and peace. He's not like, oh my gosh, like super hot, but he's cute, you

231
00:16:58.300 --> 00:17:03.040
know? And he loves the Lord. He believes in the Holy spirit and all the things that I believe.

232
00:17:03.040 --> 00:17:10.579
And so anyway, I'm kind of trying to like, he's busy. He's getting his master's degree right now.

233
00:17:10.579 --> 00:17:15.060
So I'm trying to like give him space. And I feel like I'm the one that's wanting to like push more

234
00:17:15.339 --> 00:17:20.740
of like FaceTime and stuff, but I'm like, keep giving the ball to like in his court. He lives

235
00:17:20.740 --> 00:17:26.480
in Nashville. So it's like two and a half hours away. But anyway, but he's, I don't know. It's

236
00:17:26.480 --> 00:17:30.740
been pretty fun. So pray for me on that. And then that's all, that's all I have.

237
00:17:31.300 --> 00:17:37.220
Oh man, these are such good updates. I like the guy who's not so pleasant to your eyes.

238
00:17:38.600 --> 00:17:45.040
I like that you didn't. You could have ghosted him. You could have been too ashamed to tell him

239
00:17:45.040 --> 00:17:52.620
like, hey, you're just not my type physically. And could have ghosted him. But you hung in there.

240
00:17:52.780 --> 00:17:58.100
He should have at least looked like his picture. And his picture was already a little ratchet. And

241
00:17:58.740 --> 00:18:01.620
he looks worse. It's like, that's catfish.

242
00:18:04.340 --> 00:18:09.240
Like, that's, that's like the one time I had talked to this guy on his dating app. And then

243
00:18:09.240 --> 00:18:18.040
when we FaceTime, and I was like, your pictures look like you're 27. Like you look 47. I said,

244
00:18:18.060 --> 00:18:24.840
this is not right. This is wrong. I'm like, I ain't going nowhere with you. Somebody see me

245
00:18:25.400 --> 00:18:32.600
Oh my gosh. And out of all people, he saw his pastor and I know his pastor. And I was like,

246
00:18:32.600 --> 00:18:39.380
you got to be kidding me. I was like, God didn't have my back, but that's okay. You know, I forgive

247
00:18:39.780 --> 00:18:46.880
him. Yeah. I do want to make another comment though, about this. The guy, when are y'all

248
00:18:46.880 --> 00:18:55.000
going to meet for a date? We've been talking for like, uh, two weeks, but we matched in the very

249
00:18:55.000 --> 00:19:00.800
first week I started this whole journey. And then, so I found out, okay, he said he was spiritual.

250
00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:05.820
And that threw me off. Cause I was like, uh, no, I'm not doing spiritual. So he was like,

251
00:19:05.840 --> 00:19:10.540
I shouldn't have worded it like that. I'm a Christian. I believe in Jesus as my Lord and

252
00:19:10.700 --> 00:19:14.060
savior. I'm filled with the Holy spirit. And then after he said that, he was like,

253
00:19:14.060 --> 00:19:18.520
please give me a chance. And that's when I was like, okay, but you can't be saying you're

254
00:19:18.520 --> 00:19:24.220
spiritual because to me, you know, that's a little red flag. They don't know no better.

255
00:19:27.020 --> 00:19:30.500
Well, because, cause I even thought about it, they pick it because they're trying to say,

256
00:19:30.580 --> 00:19:34.620
I don't, I'm not religious. I have an intimate relationship with my father.

257
00:19:34.820 --> 00:19:39.540
Right. Well, I spiritual, um, but spiritual actually means, you know,

258
00:19:39.540 --> 00:19:43.980
tarot cards or maybe right. Right. Gay or like, right. Gay is a thing,

259
00:19:44.140 --> 00:19:48.720
but it comes into the whole, whatever. But Mandy, when are y'all going to go on a date?

260
00:19:49.380 --> 00:19:54.360
I don't know. I gay, I put that in his court. I told him that I am down to me

261
00:19:54.960 --> 00:19:59.940
and I would like it to be sooner than later. And I don't know, but.

262
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.840
He's very intentional with his texting, like every text message.

263
00:20:03.840 --> 00:20:05.660
He really like, it's very thought out.

264
00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:10.200
It's very like well-worded, like, I don't know, like the things he's saying

265
00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:13.340
are super sweet and I'm like, are you left bombing me?

266
00:20:13.480 --> 00:20:15.040
Like, it's not like too much.

267
00:20:15.040 --> 00:20:18.580
Like the other guy, the other guy was like, you're a child of God.

268
00:20:18.580 --> 00:20:21.260
You're a beautiful princess and all this crazy stuff.

269
00:20:21.260 --> 00:20:23.480
I was like, I can't, I literally cannot.

270
00:20:23.780 --> 00:20:29.100
But this guy, I'm like, okay, I believe you because I don't have a reason not to

271
00:20:29.100 --> 00:20:32.540
trust you, but Lord, just give me discernment.

272
00:20:33.300 --> 00:20:33.600
Yeah.

273
00:20:33.920 --> 00:20:34.360
Yeah.

274
00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:36.640
Well, I want you to go on a date with him.

275
00:20:36.940 --> 00:20:37.060
Basically.

276
00:20:37.800 --> 00:20:38.680
Well, me too, girl.

277
00:20:38.860 --> 00:20:43.660
If it stays in his court, if it stays in his court too long, he has to have a text

278
00:20:43.660 --> 00:20:48.780
that said, Hey, we've been talking for a while and I'm more comfortable talking

279
00:20:48.780 --> 00:20:50.480
with the person that I meet in person.

280
00:20:51.160 --> 00:20:55.280
Because if you're looking at three weeks, four weeks, that's a no-go because you

281
00:20:55.280 --> 00:20:57.120
don't know a person until you sit with them.

282
00:20:57.620 --> 00:20:58.060
Exactly.

283
00:20:58.060 --> 00:20:59.300
That's how I feel.

284
00:20:59.640 --> 00:21:00.100
I'm just saying.

285
00:21:00.360 --> 00:21:04.780
So if he extends his time, that could be that he don't have any money.

286
00:21:04.840 --> 00:21:07.000
He's waiting to get more money or something like that.

287
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:10.620
But I'm thinking he's going to say something to you though, and he

288
00:21:10.620 --> 00:21:12.240
probably is planning the perfect date.

289
00:21:12.420 --> 00:21:14.840
I don't know, but tell us all about it.

290
00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:15.320
Okay.

291
00:21:16.300 --> 00:21:16.740
Okay.

292
00:21:16.740 --> 00:21:17.260
Sounds good.

293
00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:17.820
Okay. Thank you.

294
00:21:18.100 --> 00:21:18.540
You're welcome.

295
00:21:19.460 --> 00:21:19.520
Stephanie.

296
00:21:20.940 --> 00:21:21.380
Hi.

297
00:21:22.040 --> 00:21:22.920
Hey girl.

298
00:21:23.540 --> 00:21:27.560
So I've been listening on the replays and, and then I think I caught one

299
00:21:27.560 --> 00:21:32.180
live, but this is my first time, um, being able to share.

300
00:21:33.240 --> 00:21:38.780
Um, I am about a week into online dating again, after years ago,

301
00:21:38.800 --> 00:21:41.540
trying it and it being awful.

302
00:21:43.560 --> 00:21:48.800
And first, I don't know how many times I've said it like audibly like,

303
00:21:49.540 --> 00:21:54.220
ick, uh, and I don't know if it's just like, it's the pictures, it's the

304
00:21:54.220 --> 00:21:57.260
prompting, it's what they talk to me about right away.

305
00:21:57.260 --> 00:22:04.480
And anyway, the point is that I got to a point where I realized that I am,

306
00:22:04.480 --> 00:22:06.480
like, I'm kind of scared of men.

307
00:22:06.780 --> 00:22:10.000
Like I don't trust their intentions.

308
00:22:11.980 --> 00:22:12.660
Yeah.

309
00:22:15.300 --> 00:22:21.180
And I'm praying about this and I'm trying to go back to, you know, the

310
00:22:21.180 --> 00:22:23.240
revelations I had in my heart work.

311
00:22:25.780 --> 00:22:30.120
But it's scary, especially because like I started with the Facebook dating,

312
00:22:30.320 --> 00:22:32.960
cause you know, I already had the Facebook profile and it was easy

313
00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:34.580
to get into and all the things.

314
00:22:34.680 --> 00:22:38.340
And at first the, you know, the swiping is a little bit exciting

315
00:22:38.340 --> 00:22:40.320
cause you're like, oh, okay, okay, okay.

316
00:22:40.600 --> 00:22:44.840
And I try to go in with an open mind of like, uh, you know that, but you

317
00:22:44.840 --> 00:22:47.080
know, I'm gonna try, you know, I'm gonna keep an open mind.

318
00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:52.200
And then what happens is that when we do much and the guys that I'm not

319
00:22:52.200 --> 00:22:56.920
attracted to start talking at me and they're like duds anyway, it's already

320
00:22:57.060 --> 00:23:06.460
like, oh, I knew it, but also then there are the ones that, you know, or go too

321
00:23:06.460 --> 00:23:13.780
soon and, and, you know, want to be extra flirty, um, or I've, I've

322
00:23:13.780 --> 00:23:15.120
been having several conversations.

323
00:23:15.120 --> 00:23:18.960
I have some possible video dates coming soon.

324
00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:23.980
Uh, just because some of the guys, I mean, I'm in New York, but it takes

325
00:23:23.980 --> 00:23:25.700
a million years to get anywhere here.

326
00:23:26.480 --> 00:23:30.320
So even though, you know, from Queens to Brooklyn, it's just the one borough.

327
00:23:30.460 --> 00:23:32.240
It could take an hour and a half.

328
00:23:32.400 --> 00:23:36.060
So I'm like, you know what, let's, let's try a video because it seems

329
00:23:36.060 --> 00:23:37.660
like a long drive for a little coffee.

330
00:23:38.640 --> 00:23:45.560
Um, anyway, I don't, I'm scared and I don't like it.

331
00:23:46.080 --> 00:23:48.220
I know definitely.

332
00:23:48.560 --> 00:23:50.320
What are, what are the thoughts you're having?

333
00:23:50.500 --> 00:23:51.660
What are you afraid of?

334
00:23:52.140 --> 00:23:52.500
Okay.

335
00:23:52.500 --> 00:23:56.160
So I keep going back to, like I said, I started with the Facebook dating.

336
00:23:56.500 --> 00:24:00.480
I kept, I took, um, forget her name.

337
00:24:00.480 --> 00:24:02.280
The one that does the dating one-on-one.

338
00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:03.860
Um, yeah.

339
00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:06.100
So, you know, I kept it super light.

340
00:24:06.100 --> 00:24:08.540
I, I do believe that men don't even read the profiles

341
00:24:08.540 --> 00:24:09.720
anyway, for the most part.

342
00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:11.520
You know, I kept it lighthearted.

343
00:24:11.700 --> 00:24:14.980
I'm getting a lot more likes than I did when I tried.

344
00:24:14.980 --> 00:24:18.900
Um, online dating before I was also in a different city.

345
00:24:19.840 --> 00:24:25.320
Um, but I was getting a lot more traction, but then what I didn't do is like, I'm

346
00:24:25.320 --> 00:24:29.900
trying to gauge the, how soon is it to, you know, talk about faith?

347
00:24:30.020 --> 00:24:30.780
How soon is it not?

348
00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:37.980
I felt like in the past it was a, I know that it was rejection for God, you know,

349
00:24:37.980 --> 00:24:43.780
from God, like protection, the rejection that was protection, but it hurt every

350
00:24:43.780 --> 00:24:47.620
single time that I would like, you know, I'm a Christ follower.

351
00:24:47.980 --> 00:24:50.260
Like Jesus is important to me, you know?

352
00:24:50.460 --> 00:24:54.860
And I tried every which way in the past to bring up abstinence and the first

353
00:24:55.020 --> 00:24:59.980
conversation, three dates in two weeks out, it didn't matter at all.

354
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.080
turned out to be the same thing, I know those weren't my man,

355
00:25:06.680 --> 00:25:09.900
but it still was taxing.

356
00:25:10.080 --> 00:25:11.600
It stings, for sure.

357
00:25:12.180 --> 00:25:14.920
And so I'm just trying to gauge.

358
00:25:15.080 --> 00:25:16.620
I'm like, how much effort do I want

359
00:25:16.620 --> 00:25:18.900
to put into somebody who I'm just

360
00:25:18.900 --> 00:25:23.400
going to end up disappointing if I don't fit into the box

361
00:25:23.400 --> 00:25:24.360
that they imagined?

362
00:25:24.620 --> 00:25:28.140
Or maybe I should have told them sooner

363
00:25:28.140 --> 00:25:31.740
that I wasn't trying to date like everybody else dates.

364
00:25:32.580 --> 00:25:38.420
So I'm having all these like just hesitation about when

365
00:25:38.420 --> 00:25:39.820
I should bring certain things up.

366
00:25:39.880 --> 00:25:41.700
Or yeah, just let it come up naturally

367
00:25:41.700 --> 00:25:44.420
and get to know the person for who the person is.

368
00:25:44.520 --> 00:25:47.740
But there's this fear in me that the longer

369
00:25:47.740 --> 00:25:50.000
I let that go without telling the man,

370
00:25:50.040 --> 00:25:52.840
he's going to be aggressive and angry when I tell him,

371
00:25:52.900 --> 00:25:54.920
like I wasted his time.

372
00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:57.640
I just realized that talking to you,

373
00:25:57.640 --> 00:26:00.360
like working it out with you, that that's one of the things

374
00:26:00.360 --> 00:26:01.760
that I'm afraid of.

375
00:26:01.760 --> 00:26:02.100
Yeah.

376
00:26:02.540 --> 00:26:05.360
And who have you experienced that with in your life?

377
00:26:05.660 --> 00:26:07.280
What man have you experienced that with?

378
00:26:08.160 --> 00:26:10.620
Like being in your life, foundational.

379
00:26:11.060 --> 00:26:14.620
Like with your father, who have you experienced this with?

380
00:26:15.840 --> 00:26:16.900
Yeah, he was.

381
00:26:17.020 --> 00:26:20.340
My father, my relationship with my father is very complicated.

382
00:26:20.980 --> 00:26:21.300
Yeah.

383
00:26:21.520 --> 00:26:22.960
And he's not a safe person.

384
00:26:23.560 --> 00:26:24.060
OK.

385
00:26:24.140 --> 00:26:26.780
And I'm in the middle of something with him

386
00:26:26.780 --> 00:26:29.220
right now that I've had to put up boundaries.

387
00:26:29.400 --> 00:26:30.600
And it's really stressful.

388
00:26:32.400 --> 00:26:36.660
But I can't let this man continue to affect me

389
00:26:36.660 --> 00:26:37.540
this way in my life.

390
00:26:37.620 --> 00:26:38.560
Like I'm over that.

391
00:26:39.640 --> 00:26:42.280
And a lot of the way we see the world

392
00:26:42.280 --> 00:26:45.360
is your heart sees the world, not your eyes sees the world.

393
00:26:45.600 --> 00:26:48.440
And so the things that you're struggling with about men

394
00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:51.400
and not trusting them and about, oh, when I just tell them this,

395
00:26:51.460 --> 00:26:52.620
they're not like, that's a real thing.

396
00:26:52.620 --> 00:26:54.780
You tell somebody, and they're going to walk away.

397
00:26:55.540 --> 00:26:57.800
But that is under the assumption that you

398
00:26:57.800 --> 00:26:59.260
wanted to keep them around.

399
00:27:00.680 --> 00:27:02.920
So if I tell a person, like so it's a thing

400
00:27:02.920 --> 00:27:04.240
because you may have liked them.

401
00:27:04.360 --> 00:27:06.160
But when I tell a person like, hey,

402
00:27:06.240 --> 00:27:08.200
I don't have sex before marriage,

403
00:27:08.200 --> 00:27:10.880
and they don't want me anymore, it's like, oh, great.

404
00:27:13.140 --> 00:27:15.060
And it's like, well, I know you say that,

405
00:27:15.180 --> 00:27:16.140
but I don't feel that way.

406
00:27:16.260 --> 00:27:17.920
But have you been married before?

407
00:27:18.700 --> 00:27:18.940
No.

408
00:27:19.820 --> 00:27:20.300
OK.

409
00:27:20.720 --> 00:27:23.020
So what happens is we've never been married before.

410
00:27:23.020 --> 00:27:25.800
We don't know how to count up the cost of a man who's

411
00:27:25.800 --> 00:27:26.500
not disciplined.

412
00:27:27.980 --> 00:27:30.360
And so you think you're getting hurt because another man

413
00:27:30.360 --> 00:27:31.180
walked away from you.

414
00:27:31.180 --> 00:27:32.720
But what you don't know is a man who

415
00:27:32.720 --> 00:27:34.500
doesn't operate under discipline also

416
00:27:34.500 --> 00:27:36.600
doesn't operate under discipline in marriage.

417
00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:40.620
And if he can't operate and subject his body to not having

418
00:27:40.620 --> 00:27:42.740
sex, he may not be able to subject himself

419
00:27:42.740 --> 00:27:44.020
from not spending all your money.

420
00:27:44.140 --> 00:27:46.800
He may not be able to subject himself or put himself

421
00:27:46.800 --> 00:27:48.940
under when it comes to how he talks to you.

422
00:27:49.300 --> 00:27:51.660
Because one behavior begets another behavior.

423
00:27:51.660 --> 00:27:53.600
It can just kind of trigger all over.

424
00:27:54.260 --> 00:27:56.500
And so with you being marriage-minded and somebody

425
00:27:56.500 --> 00:27:58.980
says, no, I'm not willing to do that,

426
00:27:59.020 --> 00:28:00.860
you find out that they don't even

427
00:28:00.860 --> 00:28:02.120
believe that they're valuable.

428
00:28:02.560 --> 00:28:04.260
They don't know their worth.

429
00:28:04.360 --> 00:28:07.660
So you keep thinking it's about you and you lost something.

430
00:28:07.880 --> 00:28:09.020
You didn't lose anything.

431
00:28:09.140 --> 00:28:12.700
You met a person who doesn't value their body enough

432
00:28:12.840 --> 00:28:15.480
to keep it until they marry.

433
00:28:15.780 --> 00:28:17.980
And most people will think, oh, well, it's just sex.

434
00:28:18.080 --> 00:28:19.460
Everybody have needs and desires.

435
00:28:19.460 --> 00:28:21.700
We're talking about kingdom men.

436
00:28:22.060 --> 00:28:23.740
Now, I know if you're dating a worldly man,

437
00:28:23.760 --> 00:28:24.420
that's another thing.

438
00:28:24.500 --> 00:28:26.280
But if you're dating a man of God

439
00:28:26.360 --> 00:28:28.920
who says that Christ is his King and Lord,

440
00:28:29.100 --> 00:28:31.740
he comes under a different set of standards.

441
00:28:31.860 --> 00:28:35.160
And if he doesn't measure up to the standard of a man of God,

442
00:28:35.320 --> 00:28:37.600
then you're not interested in having a marriage that's not

443
00:28:37.600 --> 00:28:38.360
a kingdom marriage.

444
00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:42.160
Because marriage comes to make us holy and not happy.

445
00:28:42.320 --> 00:28:45.160
And if somebody is not subject to the Holy Spirit,

446
00:28:45.200 --> 00:28:47.640
you're going to have a miserable marriage.

447
00:28:47.640 --> 00:28:50.260
Because you need somebody to go to.

448
00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:52.900
He needs the answer to somebody.

449
00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:56.240
And so it does sting.

450
00:28:57.360 --> 00:28:59.720
And a lot of people say sometimes, oh, you dodged a bullet.

451
00:28:59.820 --> 00:29:02.060
I'm like, you think I want to hear that?

452
00:29:02.320 --> 00:29:04.140
See, I literally missed everything.

453
00:29:04.500 --> 00:29:06.420
I just wasted my time.

454
00:29:06.940 --> 00:29:10.360
Yeah, I mean, I've been in my relationship with the Lord

455
00:29:10.360 --> 00:29:11.260
now 14 years.

456
00:29:11.280 --> 00:29:13.540
And that's how long it's been since my last relationship.

457
00:29:13.640 --> 00:29:16.760
Because I refused to compromise in that area.

458
00:29:17.400 --> 00:29:24.280
Now, I have, I've been on some dates

459
00:29:24.700 --> 00:29:28.300
and kind of was talking to this guy for about six weeks

460
00:29:28.300 --> 00:29:30.580
in the interim that was a believer.

461
00:29:30.760 --> 00:29:34.520
But for the most part, like I was in Texas

462
00:29:34.520 --> 00:29:37.860
and I just found that there was a lot of Christians

463
00:29:37.860 --> 00:29:40.220
who just were Christians.

464
00:29:40.360 --> 00:29:44.960
But when I talked about biblical concepts,

465
00:29:44.960 --> 00:29:46.920
it was like, oh no, I don't do that.

466
00:29:47.100 --> 00:29:49.680
And it's like, I'm sorry, what Bible are you reading then?

467
00:29:49.760 --> 00:29:51.440
Like, what Jesus are you following?

468
00:29:52.300 --> 00:29:59.820
Because, so I'm trying to navigate this new approach of,

469
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.300
of, well, you know, let those things come up naturally or like a lot of men don't put

470
00:30:05.300 --> 00:30:10.740
it on their profile and a lot of, but then like that gives me so much uncertainty because

471
00:30:10.740 --> 00:30:16.600
I don't have clarity about where they stand and if they're believers or not.

472
00:30:17.160 --> 00:30:17.800
Right.

473
00:30:17.800 --> 00:30:25.360
I understand the process that you're operating under when you think about this, but Stephanie,

474
00:30:25.360 --> 00:30:34.600
just from what you shared to me, man is going to have to be restored in your heart and who

475
00:30:34.600 --> 00:30:37.660
man is and how God designed the creature.

476
00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:39.380
I can't find you.

477
00:30:39.620 --> 00:30:40.380
I don't know why.

478
00:30:40.820 --> 00:30:41.500
Are you still here?

479
00:30:41.700 --> 00:30:41.780
Stephanie?

480
00:30:42.100 --> 00:30:43.180
Oh, there you are.

481
00:30:43.980 --> 00:30:48.520
There's a process that's going to have to happen for you and this has nothing to do

482
00:30:48.520 --> 00:30:50.120
with, is somebody going to want to have sex?

483
00:30:50.600 --> 00:30:51.900
I'm going to be honest with you.

484
00:30:51.900 --> 00:30:56.580
There's going to have to be a level of vulnerability where you allow God to redeem man.

485
00:30:58.760 --> 00:31:03.780
You're not going to all of a sudden meet some man who's so holy and so spiritual and you're

486
00:31:03.780 --> 00:31:04.600
going to trust him.

487
00:31:04.600 --> 00:31:06.340
I don't care how good he is.

488
00:31:06.460 --> 00:31:08.940
You will rip that man apart with your hands.

489
00:31:09.620 --> 00:31:11.440
You'll tear him apart with your suspicion.

490
00:31:11.960 --> 00:31:18.960
Then you're the one who's unhealthy because you don't have a restored identity of how

491
00:31:18.960 --> 00:31:20.220
God made man.

492
00:31:20.920 --> 00:31:26.520
It's not your fault, but there are some foundational things there and you're going to grow through

493
00:31:26.520 --> 00:31:26.740
them.

494
00:31:26.800 --> 00:31:29.000
This don't mean go back to phase one and do more healing.

495
00:31:29.140 --> 00:31:34.160
You've done your hard work, but God wants to take you on a journey so he can restore

496
00:31:34.160 --> 00:31:35.880
man to you.

497
00:31:38.000 --> 00:31:43.520
You've not been in a relationship in 14 years and so this is not accusing, but I don't know

498
00:31:43.520 --> 00:31:45.940
how you're going to respond when you get with a man you really like.

499
00:31:45.940 --> 00:31:48.780
I don't know how well you're going to be able to keep yourself from having sex.

500
00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:53.060
I don't know the boundaries you're willing to put in place because it's one thing to

501
00:31:53.060 --> 00:31:56.300
say it when we're on this side, but when we get on the other side and we start dating

502
00:31:56.300 --> 00:32:00.120
and things start speeding up and we think that they're the one, a lot of things happen.

503
00:32:00.460 --> 00:32:05.700
I am sharing this with you to help you with your perspective of man and sex.

504
00:32:05.700 --> 00:32:09.300
Now, if a man says straight up, I'm not going to wait, that's one thing, but I'm just telling

505
00:32:09.300 --> 00:32:10.380
you it's a whole package.

506
00:32:10.920 --> 00:32:11.680
Does that make sense?

507
00:32:12.300 --> 00:32:12.700
Yes.

508
00:32:12.700 --> 00:32:17.980
It doesn't serve you well to believe that there's not, there are millions, billions

509
00:32:17.980 --> 00:32:22.380
of people on the planet and to believe that there's not one righteous man.

510
00:32:25.180 --> 00:32:26.160
Do you understand what I'm saying?

511
00:32:26.380 --> 00:32:28.100
I see it like this.

512
00:32:28.780 --> 00:32:35.840
There's no way God is going to bypass me, whom he invested in and sharpen when he's

513
00:32:35.840 --> 00:32:39.140
looking to put kingdom, put his kingdom man with a woman.

514
00:32:40.500 --> 00:32:44.380
He ain't going to give me anyone like he's not going to give that man anyone, right?

515
00:32:44.740 --> 00:32:48.240
But he's going to put the two best together that serve each other well.

516
00:32:48.660 --> 00:32:51.440
This is not, is not your time or just wait.

517
00:32:51.580 --> 00:32:55.620
This is, I'm saying to you that God is going to do that part.

518
00:32:55.760 --> 00:33:00.960
I don't care how far away it may seem to you, but I believe that he wants to restore man

519
00:33:01.600 --> 00:33:08.760
to you, man, masculinity, mature, marriage minded, even if the one you get is marriage

520
00:33:08.760 --> 00:33:11.100
minded and mature, but he's not the one for you.

521
00:33:13.460 --> 00:33:15.880
So what is my responsibility?

522
00:33:16.820 --> 00:33:25.420
Is to go through this really challenging process and to not ask somebody about their faith

523
00:33:25.420 --> 00:33:28.820
because I don't care what they say, who they are will show up.

524
00:33:28.900 --> 00:33:33.080
You can act like on the third, you could tell somebody, Hey, my faith in Jesus is a really

525
00:33:33.080 --> 00:33:33.860
big deal to me.

526
00:33:33.860 --> 00:33:35.980
Do you have an active relationship with Jesus?

527
00:33:36.140 --> 00:33:37.240
You can say that.

528
00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:40.640
You can say it on your coffee date, but you need to go on a date.

529
00:33:41.440 --> 00:33:45.700
It could be one thing that man can do that can restore a piece of your, your soul that's

530
00:33:45.700 --> 00:33:46.200
been broken.

531
00:33:46.760 --> 00:33:51.860
And it doesn't mean that he's the one I'm going to give you a quick example where some

532
00:33:51.860 --> 00:33:56.240
years ago, I just broke down crying because I was learning that God is like father.

533
00:33:57.140 --> 00:34:01.100
Well, I kept trying to relate to God as father, but see that's the issue.

534
00:34:01.820 --> 00:34:06.560
What our earthly father does gives us a representation of what our heavenly father is like, because

535
00:34:06.560 --> 00:34:09.980
our earthly father is the first one we're introduced to, to what a father is like.

536
00:34:10.300 --> 00:34:13.360
That's why some people can believe, I can't ask God for too much.

537
00:34:13.540 --> 00:34:16.639
That's why some people can believe that that connection is not there.

538
00:34:16.639 --> 00:34:21.120
Cause what have you had with your earthly father before God, you get healed, you know,

539
00:34:21.120 --> 00:34:21.679
different stuff.

540
00:34:21.679 --> 00:34:22.560
You see God that way.

541
00:34:22.560 --> 00:34:23.280
It's just a journey.

542
00:34:24.040 --> 00:34:24.460
Right?

543
00:34:24.780 --> 00:34:27.820
So anyway, I'm struggling with this God is father.

544
00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:30.080
And one day I just broke down crying.

545
00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:32.179
I was like, I can't do this.

546
00:34:32.460 --> 00:34:33.699
I can't do it.

547
00:34:33.699 --> 00:34:35.159
How am I supposed to know you as father?

548
00:34:35.239 --> 00:34:37.120
And I've never known a father in my life.

549
00:34:37.520 --> 00:34:39.880
My father has never been a father to me.

550
00:34:40.080 --> 00:34:41.659
And he said, I heard him clear.

551
00:34:41.659 --> 00:34:45.679
He said, finally, I've been waiting on you to say that.

552
00:34:46.340 --> 00:34:49.000
Now, let me show you what a father is like.

553
00:34:49.560 --> 00:34:55.820
He literally for months after that took unassuming men, one male held the door for me.

554
00:34:56.000 --> 00:34:57.800
I said, my sister has him, my brother-in-law.

555
00:34:57.920 --> 00:34:58.900
I went up to bed.

556
00:34:59.200 --> 00:34:59.980
He got ready to leave.

557
00:34:59.980 --> 00:34:59.980


558
00:34:59.980 --> 00:34:59.980


559
00:34:59.980 --> 00:34:59.980


560
00:34:59.980 --> 00:34:59.980


561
00:34:59.980 --> 00:34:59.980


562
00:34:59.980 --> 00:34:59.980


563
00:34:59.980 --> 00:34:59.980


564
00:34:59.980 --> 00:34:59.980


565
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.900
He said, I'll take care of that.

566
00:35:01.900 --> 00:35:02.860
He cut the light off.

567
00:35:03.020 --> 00:35:03.520
He locked the doors.

568
00:35:03.680 --> 00:35:05.960
The Lord says, a father is a protector.

569
00:35:06.300 --> 00:35:08.420
In those quick moments, he started

570
00:35:08.440 --> 00:35:12.380
restoring broken pieces of me through men around me.

571
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:15.120
He would use a man in church to say something to me,

572
00:35:15.120 --> 00:35:19.020
not a prophetic word, not, oh, God is a father,

573
00:35:19.400 --> 00:35:23.960
but small things that started healing my heart and giving me.

574
00:35:24.220 --> 00:35:27.820
You have to have an image, an ideal of a father

575
00:35:27.820 --> 00:35:29.300
to know God is father.

576
00:35:29.300 --> 00:35:32.280
It's not just going to happen like that, right?

577
00:35:33.400 --> 00:35:34.800
Does that make sense, what I'm saying to you?

578
00:35:35.220 --> 00:35:37.360
And God is going to do the same thing with you.

579
00:35:37.660 --> 00:35:39.860
And man, he wants to restore man so

580
00:35:39.860 --> 00:35:42.140
that you can receive your husband

581
00:35:42.220 --> 00:35:44.240
and you can honor that man.

582
00:35:45.660 --> 00:35:48.420
And not spend the first five years of your marriage

583
00:35:48.420 --> 00:35:51.200
tearing him down in areas you got to rebuild back up

584
00:35:51.200 --> 00:35:52.860
later on because you finally catch on.

585
00:35:53.900 --> 00:35:58.080
Not much damage you can do with the words of your mouth.

586
00:35:58.080 --> 00:36:00.660
And when somebody say something, you don't trust them.

587
00:36:00.780 --> 00:36:02.980
You make them feel like they wrong, like they bad,

588
00:36:03.140 --> 00:36:04.040
like they guilty.

589
00:36:05.260 --> 00:36:08.120
Like that's a real thing that we can do as a woman

590
00:36:08.120 --> 00:36:10.740
when we've been broken and we're hurting and we don't trust.

591
00:36:11.440 --> 00:36:14.120
So that's why I said to you, I said to you,

592
00:36:14.160 --> 00:36:18.340
I believe that the Lord wants to restore those parts of you.

593
00:36:18.720 --> 00:36:21.500
And so when you're dating,

594
00:36:21.880 --> 00:36:24.220
I'm not telling you it's going to be all sunshine,

595
00:36:24.220 --> 00:36:28.100
but you'll be amazed at what the little things can do.

596
00:36:29.300 --> 00:36:31.100
And you'll be like, oh, okay.

597
00:36:31.440 --> 00:36:33.760
Some people do do what they say they're going to do.

598
00:36:34.560 --> 00:36:36.660
He's not my guy, but he definitely did what he said

599
00:36:36.660 --> 00:36:38.740
he was going to do when he said he was going to do it.

600
00:36:38.940 --> 00:36:40.620
I can appreciate that.

601
00:36:41.060 --> 00:36:42.000
And so it's just these parts.

602
00:36:42.080 --> 00:36:45.200
I don't want you to beat yourself up because you're afraid

603
00:36:45.200 --> 00:36:47.160
or beat yourself up because you don't trust me.

604
00:36:47.380 --> 00:36:50.360
You have a, you rightfully so don't trust me.

605
00:36:50.360 --> 00:36:54.480
And if man has never poured into you,

606
00:36:55.060 --> 00:36:57.400
you're giving them back what they put in you.

607
00:36:57.440 --> 00:36:58.720
That's all you know.

608
00:36:59.500 --> 00:37:03.520
That's like, you're gonna spit up what's been put in you.

609
00:37:03.880 --> 00:37:05.380
And now that you've gone through the healing

610
00:37:05.380 --> 00:37:07.440
and these things have been stirred up,

611
00:37:07.980 --> 00:37:11.040
now the new things are going to be deposited in you

612
00:37:11.040 --> 00:37:13.320
because there's a small wee bit opening

613
00:37:13.880 --> 00:37:15.600
that could allow for it.

614
00:37:15.600 --> 00:37:21.660
And so I think that the Lord always reveals

615
00:37:21.660 --> 00:37:23.420
to redeem and to restore.

616
00:37:26.260 --> 00:37:29.860
He's not one that dangles a carrot in front of us.

617
00:37:30.240 --> 00:37:32.500
Now say, figure out how you going to get it.

618
00:37:33.320 --> 00:37:35.540
That's not who our father is.

619
00:37:36.720 --> 00:37:40.220
And so, and just this last example,

620
00:37:41.400 --> 00:37:43.880
I had dated this guy for an entire year

621
00:37:43.880 --> 00:37:46.500
and I didn't know he was married.

622
00:37:47.400 --> 00:37:49.700
We had gone to premarital counseling.

623
00:37:50.720 --> 00:37:54.000
We had, he was going, I was remembering another church

624
00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:55.380
where he's going to my brother-in-law church

625
00:37:55.380 --> 00:37:56.860
with my brother-in-law's the pastor.

626
00:37:57.680 --> 00:37:59.960
And he was like, like all this stuff,

627
00:38:00.100 --> 00:38:02.560
all my niece and nephew, they all knew him.

628
00:38:02.580 --> 00:38:03.940
It's like, how do you date somebody

629
00:38:03.940 --> 00:38:04.920
you're not know they're married?

630
00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:06.440
Had I gone to his house before?

631
00:38:06.560 --> 00:38:07.980
Yes, I'd gone to his house before.

632
00:38:08.480 --> 00:38:11.340
But his ex-wife, well, not ex-wife.

633
00:38:11.340 --> 00:38:12.420
She gave his ex-wife.

634
00:38:12.540 --> 00:38:14.780
His wife, who I thought was his ex-wife,

635
00:38:15.040 --> 00:38:16.980
she lived in Dallas.

636
00:38:18.100 --> 00:38:21.740
So when it all fell apart from one simple prayer,

637
00:38:22.580 --> 00:38:24.540
Lord, if this ain't you, let it fall apart.

638
00:38:24.720 --> 00:38:27.680
And boy, did it fall apart like the bottom fell out.

639
00:38:28.200 --> 00:38:30.640
Anyway, what happened was the Lord told me,

640
00:38:30.640 --> 00:38:33.120
he said, hey, listen, I woke up that next morning,

641
00:38:33.540 --> 00:38:35.640
like I was just distraught.

642
00:38:36.000 --> 00:38:38.120
And he said, do me a favor.

643
00:38:38.460 --> 00:38:40.280
Don't look for a call, a text or email.

644
00:38:40.280 --> 00:38:41.500
Can you do that?

645
00:38:41.680 --> 00:38:43.120
I said, yes, I can do that.

646
00:38:43.160 --> 00:38:44.600
The next morning, I opened my eyes.

647
00:38:44.760 --> 00:38:47.260
He said, the Lord told me, clean my apartment,

648
00:38:47.400 --> 00:38:48.200
like call my friend over.

649
00:38:48.240 --> 00:38:50.520
She came over, help me clean, throw everything away.

650
00:38:52.380 --> 00:38:55.620
So, oh yeah, he said, don't look for call, text or email.

651
00:38:55.740 --> 00:38:57.940
He was telling me, you're not gonna get an apology.

652
00:38:58.900 --> 00:39:01.840
And you're not gonna say goodbye, right?

653
00:39:03.440 --> 00:39:07.540
So I went through, I'm on a inner healing team.

654
00:39:07.740 --> 00:39:09.840
And so, and I have, I already have a trauma counselor.

655
00:39:09.840 --> 00:39:11.520
So I have so many things already in place.

656
00:39:11.660 --> 00:39:14.160
And I know what has to happen after something like that.

657
00:39:14.160 --> 00:39:16.600
Cause I know the trauma that's been done,

658
00:39:16.740 --> 00:39:18.080
not to the depth, but I know sometimes.

659
00:39:18.360 --> 00:39:20.120
So I'm already talking to my counselor,

660
00:39:20.500 --> 00:39:22.140
already in inner healing church.

661
00:39:22.200 --> 00:39:23.320
I'm already all these things.

662
00:39:24.160 --> 00:39:26.560
So I don't know, maybe about four months later,

663
00:39:26.720 --> 00:39:29.440
I said, maybe let me try this dating thing to see.

664
00:39:29.620 --> 00:39:30.800
It felt so weird.

665
00:39:31.300 --> 00:39:32.380
And I'm, I'm coming straight up.

666
00:39:32.380 --> 00:39:33.700
I'm getting to know this guy.

667
00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:35.480
Like we went out to lunch and he was like,

668
00:39:35.540 --> 00:39:36.940
you're so much fun, let's go again.

669
00:39:37.040 --> 00:39:37.940
We went again.

670
00:39:37.940 --> 00:39:40.580
And I wasn't, my heart was still kind of numb.

671
00:39:40.700 --> 00:39:43.660
So I really couldn't receive him that way.

672
00:39:43.780 --> 00:39:45.240
I didn't think much about it.

673
00:39:45.300 --> 00:39:46.380
I didn't think, is he the one?

674
00:39:47.000 --> 00:39:48.460
I wasn't there yet.

675
00:39:48.680 --> 00:39:50.620
But what happened was the next time we were talking,

676
00:39:50.800 --> 00:39:51.320
he wanted to go bowling.

677
00:39:51.440 --> 00:39:54.360
And I said, hey, you know, do you still want to go bowling?

678
00:39:54.680 --> 00:39:56.240
He's like, Evan, I'm so glad to talk to you.

679
00:39:56.320 --> 00:39:57.800
He said, I met another young lady

680
00:39:58.040 --> 00:39:59.620
and we live closer together.

681
00:39:59.740 --> 00:39:59.980
And I.

682
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.060
I think it just makes sense for her to try a relationship

683
00:40:02.060 --> 00:40:03.180
and get to know her better.

684
00:40:03.680 --> 00:40:06.260
And so I just want you to know, getting to know you

685
00:40:06.260 --> 00:40:07.940
has been absolutely amazing.

686
00:40:08.340 --> 00:40:11.720
He said, you are the most God-fearing, honoring woman

687
00:40:11.980 --> 00:40:12.760
I've ever been with.

688
00:40:12.760 --> 00:40:15.580
He started to say all these wonderful things about me.

689
00:40:15.680 --> 00:40:17.060
And I said, well, OK.

690
00:40:17.240 --> 00:40:20.140
I'm so glad that you met someone and y'all

691
00:40:20.140 --> 00:40:20.880
were going to be in close proximity.

692
00:40:21.040 --> 00:40:22.020
But listen, this is what happened.

693
00:40:22.300 --> 00:40:24.500
When he hung up for me, the Lord said,

694
00:40:24.700 --> 00:40:27.820
this is the way I want you to receive goodbyes.

695
00:40:28.460 --> 00:40:31.140
And this is the way it's going to always be for you.

696
00:40:33.780 --> 00:40:35.560
God made up for me.

697
00:40:35.820 --> 00:40:40.060
He made up in this man what that man didn't do.

698
00:40:40.560 --> 00:40:41.040
Right.

699
00:40:41.660 --> 00:40:42.900
That was strategic.

700
00:40:43.900 --> 00:40:46.820
That wasn't like, oh, and on the flip side, look what you got.

701
00:40:47.240 --> 00:40:48.880
He, as soon as that man hung up for me,

702
00:40:48.940 --> 00:40:52.400
God said, this is the goodbye that you deserve.

703
00:40:53.740 --> 00:40:55.360
So he said, don't even worry about getting

704
00:40:55.360 --> 00:40:56.220
a goodbye from that joker.

705
00:40:56.220 --> 00:41:00.100
I'm going to give you what's owed you because I'm your father.

706
00:41:00.960 --> 00:41:02.360
And so I said that.

707
00:41:03.020 --> 00:41:05.060
I took that time to say that because I

708
00:41:05.060 --> 00:41:07.580
want you to know that God is strategic in that way.

709
00:41:07.620 --> 00:41:12.820
And he sends people to do things, little things,

710
00:41:13.800 --> 00:41:19.360
that restores our soul, that heals wounds,

711
00:41:19.660 --> 00:41:22.300
that it don't cost you a great big investment.

712
00:41:22.300 --> 00:41:25.280
It don't cost you a big old chance to take.

713
00:41:26.920 --> 00:41:28.080
And when you're dating these men,

714
00:41:28.180 --> 00:41:29.920
the one thing you can hold on to is the thing

715
00:41:29.920 --> 00:41:31.160
that I hold on to the most.

716
00:41:31.620 --> 00:41:32.720
He's probably not your husband.

717
00:41:32.940 --> 00:41:33.840
Just say that to yourself.

718
00:41:33.920 --> 00:41:34.900
He ain't the one.

719
00:41:36.280 --> 00:41:37.920
And don't start thinking superficial.

720
00:41:38.240 --> 00:41:40.020
Well, what if he is and I'm rejecting him?

721
00:41:40.700 --> 00:41:42.260
God don't work like that.

722
00:41:42.380 --> 00:41:46.160
But to keep you safe, just say, he's probably not my husband.

723
00:41:46.200 --> 00:41:47.640
So I'm just going to get to know him.

724
00:41:49.620 --> 00:41:50.020
Right?

725
00:41:50.020 --> 00:41:53.060
That takes the pressure off, yeah.

726
00:41:53.280 --> 00:41:54.120
Yeah, it really does.

727
00:41:54.180 --> 00:41:55.320
Just say, he probably ain't the one.

728
00:41:55.380 --> 00:41:57.140
And if he is, trust me, baby.

729
00:41:57.700 --> 00:41:58.680
You will know.

730
00:41:59.520 --> 00:42:01.260
The Bible says that when a man find a wife,

731
00:42:01.260 --> 00:42:03.400
he find a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord.

732
00:42:03.660 --> 00:42:07.260
Any man who looks at you and believes that you are his wife,

733
00:42:07.580 --> 00:42:08.860
he won't be scared out.

734
00:42:09.440 --> 00:42:11.200
He won't run at the first sign of trouble.

735
00:42:11.360 --> 00:42:13.720
He'll be a man that knows that when God put two people

736
00:42:14.160 --> 00:42:16.020
together, cultivation has to happen.

737
00:42:16.300 --> 00:42:18.180
And he's going to look at you and he's going to say,

738
00:42:18.900 --> 00:42:20.300
I think I can work with it.

739
00:42:20.980 --> 00:42:24.920
I see she's afraid, but I think I got it in me to work with it.

740
00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:26.100
You understand what I'm saying?

741
00:42:26.600 --> 00:42:27.720
Yes, thank you, Ebony.

742
00:42:28.300 --> 00:42:29.180
You're welcome, Stephanie.

743
00:42:29.260 --> 00:42:30.280
You can't lose.

744
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:33.100
You're on the winning team now.

745
00:42:33.540 --> 00:42:33.980
Hey.

746
00:42:34.980 --> 00:42:35.500
Hey.

747
00:42:35.580 --> 00:42:35.580


748
00:42:37.300 --> 00:42:38.680
OK, is that it?

749
00:42:38.680 --> 00:42:39.960
I hope I answered everything.

750
00:42:41.120 --> 00:42:42.460
Yes, more than enough.

751
00:42:43.500 --> 00:42:44.540
OK, great.

752
00:42:46.180 --> 00:42:47.060
All right.

753
00:42:49.620 --> 00:42:51.060
Then we'll stay with Preeti.

754
00:42:52.280 --> 00:42:53.880
Oh, and Preeti, before you start talking,

755
00:42:54.480 --> 00:42:58.020
so Laura asked a question a long time ago, y'all.

756
00:42:58.420 --> 00:43:02.660
And so she asked, what are my thoughts or, I guess,

757
00:43:02.760 --> 00:43:04.900
coaching thoughts on dating someone

758
00:43:05.060 --> 00:43:07.220
who you are not attracted to?

759
00:43:07.340 --> 00:43:08.740
Was that the question, right, Laura?

760
00:43:15.280 --> 00:43:17.320
Laura, not Laura, but Lori.

761
00:43:19.320 --> 00:43:20.520
Oh, yeah.

762
00:43:20.820 --> 00:43:24.460
Yeah, our thoughts on dating someone who.

763
00:43:24.680 --> 00:43:27.880
That was based on Mandy's conversation.

764
00:43:28.260 --> 00:43:29.540
Oh, about her dating someone.

765
00:43:29.780 --> 00:43:33.080
But the way she said how unattractive he was to her,

766
00:43:33.080 --> 00:43:35.040
I mean, that went pretty far right there.

767
00:43:35.860 --> 00:43:38.700
Like, she not like, oh, his nose too big.

768
00:43:38.920 --> 00:43:40.460
Oh, he kind of short.

769
00:43:40.840 --> 00:43:42.320
His ears are flappy.

770
00:43:44.700 --> 00:43:48.040
You know, like, she ain't say no fixable stuff.

771
00:43:49.100 --> 00:43:53.680
He got some tart on his teeth for, you know what I'm saying,

772
00:43:53.720 --> 00:43:55.720
he missing a tooth, which is rough.

773
00:43:55.800 --> 00:43:57.680
But we can get a tooth put in, you're pretty good.

774
00:43:57.860 --> 00:43:59.580
Now, we can get you a tooth.

775
00:43:59.720 --> 00:44:00.820
Order that up.

776
00:44:01.740 --> 00:44:03.220
Right, we can get you a good cleaning.

777
00:44:03.460 --> 00:44:05.360
If you're good, we might even find out

778
00:44:05.360 --> 00:44:06.400
how to get you a good bath.

779
00:44:06.420 --> 00:44:08.240
And sometimes you smell like oil.

780
00:44:08.380 --> 00:44:09.520
You know what I'm saying?

781
00:44:10.080 --> 00:44:10.880
Oh, man.

782
00:44:11.900 --> 00:44:13.900
She, now, that was far with she.

783
00:44:13.900 --> 00:44:16.220
I mean, I was a little turned off by the man

784
00:44:16.220 --> 00:44:17.320
just listening to her.

785
00:44:17.400 --> 00:44:18.560
My stomach turned.

786
00:44:18.820 --> 00:44:20.560
I said, God, look at you.

787
00:44:20.560 --> 00:44:22.560
I don't see how she like that.

788
00:44:23.400 --> 00:44:26.180
So I think that it's going to be very challenging.

789
00:44:26.280 --> 00:44:28.380
And I had to learn this the hard way, Laurie.

790
00:44:29.020 --> 00:44:33.620
But it's hard to, there's a level of you're not my type.

791
00:44:33.780 --> 00:44:38.420
And then there is, I am very unattractive to you.

792
00:44:38.720 --> 00:44:39.280
Yeah.

793
00:44:39.340 --> 00:44:41.060
So you're kind and wonderful.

794
00:44:41.060 --> 00:44:47.220
So there's no level of attraction, right?

795
00:44:48.620 --> 00:44:50.760
That's a different measurement for everyone.

796
00:44:51.800 --> 00:44:57.560
Because me, personally, I don't need a fine man.

797
00:44:57.880 --> 00:44:59.920
As long as I look better than him, I'm happy.

798
00:45:02.220 --> 00:45:08.440
I just, I, but he needs to look, I need to be able to stomach him.

799
00:45:08.800 --> 00:45:09.600
So right.

800
00:45:10.300 --> 00:45:11.780
He can look like a little rat.

801
00:45:11.860 --> 00:45:14.340
I'm all, I probably could work with a little rat looking face.

802
00:45:14.440 --> 00:45:15.580
I'm just being honest with you.

803
00:45:15.640 --> 00:45:16.620
He's a good man.

804
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:17.880
He's a terrorist.

805
00:45:18.860 --> 00:45:20.200
He fears God.

806
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:22.240
I just love God, but fears the Lord.

807
00:45:22.620 --> 00:45:26.820
That the reason he treats me the way he treats me is because he knows if he goes against

808
00:45:26.820 --> 00:45:29.760
his father, he's going to have some business to tough out with him.

809
00:45:30.180 --> 00:45:34.940
Like that type of man who fears the Lord, that the reason why he didn't cheat on his

810
00:45:34.940 --> 00:45:39.000
wife and the reason why he's faithful to his children and family is because he knows he

811
00:45:39.000 --> 00:45:40.340
has the answer to God.

812
00:45:41.240 --> 00:45:41.440
Yeah.

813
00:45:41.860 --> 00:45:45.380
Man, you know, I can work with little stuff like that.

814
00:45:45.720 --> 00:45:46.160
Yeah.

815
00:45:46.340 --> 00:45:51.360
I know the weight of those things, but if you are like complete, if you are just like,

816
00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:53.160
when you look at him, you want to throw up.

817
00:45:53.220 --> 00:45:54.560
You can't, I don't know how you're going to.

818
00:45:54.580 --> 00:45:55.640
I can't even.

819
00:45:55.640 --> 00:45:56.160
Yeah.

820
00:45:56.160 --> 00:45:57.600
I couldn't even do that.

821
00:45:57.680 --> 00:45:58.120
Yeah.

822
00:45:58.120 --> 00:46:05.600
So that's going to be challenging, but I'm on the other end of wanting, wanting a lot

823
00:46:05.620 --> 00:46:11.880
of attraction because I, I, yeah, because that's not what I was.

824
00:46:11.880 --> 00:46:15.000
I was married to somebody I was attracted to, but not crazy.

825
00:46:16.460 --> 00:46:16.900
Yeah.

826
00:46:17.240 --> 00:46:22.080
As long as I'm attracted, but I'm, I guess, so I don't know if somebody turns your stomach,

827
00:46:22.240 --> 00:46:23.920
I just don't know how that's going to work.

828
00:46:23.920 --> 00:46:24.140
Yeah.

829
00:46:24.140 --> 00:46:24.840
That won't happen.

830
00:46:25.340 --> 00:46:27.020
I'm worried about that.

831
00:46:27.020 --> 00:46:27.740
All my time.

832
00:46:28.040 --> 00:46:28.840
You ain't going to be able to be out.

833
00:46:28.880 --> 00:46:34.220
If you thinking when you with them, I hope don't nobody see me, baby, just leave it alone.

834
00:46:35.200 --> 00:46:35.800
Oh yeah.

835
00:46:35.800 --> 00:46:37.300
No, I won't do that either.

836
00:46:38.480 --> 00:46:39.000
Yeah.

837
00:46:39.020 --> 00:46:39.440
Yeah.

838
00:46:39.440 --> 00:46:44.340
Because yeah, that's, that's too big of a deal, which is also why I think video dates

839
00:46:44.340 --> 00:46:45.220
are really great.

840
00:46:45.220 --> 00:46:52.560
Like a initial like meet and greet over video is great, but I, I, I have, yeah, I've only

841
00:46:52.560 --> 00:46:54.620
been on a date with Steve so far.

842
00:46:55.080 --> 00:46:56.020
So yeah.

843
00:46:56.920 --> 00:46:57.620
Yeah.

844
00:46:57.840 --> 00:47:00.320
Can I ask you a quick question while I'm on here?

845
00:47:00.660 --> 00:47:01.120
Okay.

846
00:47:01.660 --> 00:47:02.020
Okay.

847
00:47:02.020 --> 00:47:10.040
So I chatted with a second guy, another guy like Steve reached out on Facebook dating

848
00:47:10.040 --> 00:47:18.920
and was super the same type, super fiery eyes, like rugged, you know, all the same thing.

849
00:47:18.920 --> 00:47:26.680
So I'm just like, and he was just like, Hey, like I'm he's, he's he was just like, Hey,

850
00:47:26.680 --> 00:47:27.740
I'm super interested.

851
00:47:28.920 --> 00:47:32.100
But what are your, would love to hear your thoughts on the distance.

852
00:47:32.100 --> 00:47:33.240
And it's only three hours.

853
00:47:33.320 --> 00:47:35.720
And I mean, I've dated like from California to Michigan.

854
00:47:35.880 --> 00:47:40.180
So I'm thinking, I'm like, yeah, that's, that wouldn't be a problem.

855
00:47:40.320 --> 00:47:41.920
I don't see that as a concern.

856
00:47:42.680 --> 00:47:45.320
And he never messaged back.

857
00:47:45.320 --> 00:47:52.040
And he was, he was like, he did have like pictures of the Detroit Tigers.

858
00:47:52.120 --> 00:47:58.140
And I've realized he was with somebody famous, but I didn't know that.

859
00:47:58.200 --> 00:47:59.780
And maybe he needed me to know that.

860
00:47:59.800 --> 00:48:01.900
But like, it was just the weirdest thing.

861
00:48:01.940 --> 00:48:09.780
It was just, and I find like that, like, you know, my adrenaline just goes really high

862
00:48:09.780 --> 00:48:14.380
when I see this gorgeous guy and like super high attraction.

863
00:48:15.200 --> 00:48:17.900
And it's like, Steve, he came in hot.

864
00:48:19.060 --> 00:48:21.360
And I thought, oh, this is my new type.

865
00:48:21.360 --> 00:48:23.420
And I'm like, yeah, I don't know if this is my new type.

866
00:48:26.440 --> 00:48:34.580
And again, like, I loved what you said when you were talking with, oh, you processed for

867
00:48:34.580 --> 00:48:35.020
a while.

868
00:48:35.020 --> 00:48:39.400
I can't see her on here, but the gal that you were talking about with a father.

869
00:48:40.360 --> 00:48:40.680
Yeah.

870
00:48:41.360 --> 00:48:47.020
And I just loved what you said with, you know, I'm like, the, the Lord was just saying, like,

871
00:48:47.020 --> 00:48:54.040
why are you allowing a man that comes in and text you once to, you know, him falling off to,

872
00:48:54.780 --> 00:48:56.460
to define you in any way.

873
00:48:56.460 --> 00:49:01.440
But I did have an opportunity for more heart healing and went into another encounter.

874
00:49:01.520 --> 00:49:03.040
So I'm thankful for that.

875
00:49:03.040 --> 00:49:11.540
But just, yeah, just why would, what, what do I need to work on other than that heart

876
00:49:11.540 --> 00:49:14.660
healing for like, it was on around abandonment.

877
00:49:14.940 --> 00:49:19.600
And so like, what else could I be working on so that this doesn't impact me?

878
00:49:19.600 --> 00:49:25.980
Because I was like, you know, it's like, I was sad for a couple days.

879
00:49:26.760 --> 00:49:31.200
And that feels, that feels silly that I gave it that much power.

880
00:49:33.160 --> 00:49:35.080
Let me speak into that.

881
00:49:35.300 --> 00:49:38.680
But if you could see how gorgeous he was, Ebony, you might understand.

882
00:49:38.700 --> 00:49:39.900
Sorry, you always do this.

883
00:49:40.440 --> 00:49:41.400
You stay away from the environment.

884
00:49:41.660 --> 00:49:45.180
The way your face light up when a man look real good.

885
00:49:45.240 --> 00:49:46.720
I get nervous for you.

886
00:49:46.960 --> 00:49:48.520
You be like, isn't it?

887
00:49:49.400 --> 00:49:52.540
Might be God's grace that he's like, oh, not, nope.

888
00:49:52.540 --> 00:49:53.560
Too much attraction there.

889
00:49:53.620 --> 00:49:54.320
She won't make it.

890
00:49:55.880 --> 00:49:57.580
Let me speak to this, ladies.

891
00:49:57.960 --> 00:49:59.960
And not that I won't try to hold y'all.

892
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.280
ends forever. I think y'all forget that we're on a faith journey and that when you meet a man,

893
00:50:08.440 --> 00:50:13.640
you are walking by faith. And when you see someone, you're attracted because deep down,

894
00:50:13.780 --> 00:50:18.460
sometimes on the inside of us, all of us could believe that a kingdom man just ain't gonna look

895
00:50:18.460 --> 00:50:24.000
that good, right? Or sometimes we don't believe that we're going to get someone that is just as

896
00:50:24.000 --> 00:50:26.860
handsome as we would desire. Like these, these things that are running in the background,

897
00:50:26.860 --> 00:50:33.120
but you are, every day you click on somebody, you set up a coffee date, you are walking by faith.

898
00:50:33.440 --> 00:50:38.060
You will believe in God for your love story. So think it not strange when you have some

899
00:50:38.080 --> 00:50:44.820
faith fatigue and you just tired. And it's like, well, I shouldn't trip like this because it was

900
00:50:44.820 --> 00:50:51.720
just two days. It's bigger than that. It's not just this guy. It is this process that you're in.

901
00:50:51.760 --> 00:50:56.500
You committed yourself to a program. You're trusting the Lord. You're doing all this work.

902
00:50:56.500 --> 00:51:00.840
You're investing in yourself. You're putting yourself out there and you believe in that

903
00:51:00.840 --> 00:51:04.940
God is going to meet you. And when it falls through, this is another time that didn't

904
00:51:04.940 --> 00:51:10.120
happen. So you pick yourself back up because you're not trusting in that man. You're believing God.

905
00:51:11.500 --> 00:51:15.400
And so it's one thing when you first get started, after you get your seven days and after you get

906
00:51:15.400 --> 00:51:19.560
your seven days, you're like, okay, I did do some dating. So you've been dating for four,

907
00:51:19.560 --> 00:51:26.020
five months at this point. And so I think sometimes we're not counting up what we're

908
00:51:26.020 --> 00:51:33.600
actually doing and how much is it taking to get back up for the thing you thought would have

909
00:51:33.600 --> 00:51:40.140
happened by now. By the time Jackie gets done with us, we ready to go out and take a mountain.

910
00:51:41.700 --> 00:51:48.400
It's really my love story. And he is. But oftentimes there's a journey

911
00:51:48.400 --> 00:51:51.500
from Egypt through the wilderness to the promised land.

912
00:51:53.300 --> 00:52:00.340
And in the process, we're getting stripped of all this stuff that will hinder our promise from

913
00:52:00.340 --> 00:52:07.020
having its fullness in our life. And you don't know the timing. And so I just want you guys to

914
00:52:07.260 --> 00:52:11.820
give yourself more grace when you do get tired. Give yourself more grace when it was just one

915
00:52:11.820 --> 00:52:17.540
conversation and it stings. Yeah, it stings. Because you was in the process before this man

916
00:52:17.540 --> 00:52:26.960
came along. It's bigger than him. This is between you and father God. It's about the man. But

917
00:52:26.960 --> 00:52:32.400
sometimes it even make us think it's about the man, but it's really not. But it is, but it's not

918
00:52:32.400 --> 00:52:41.340
because before him, it was your journey. So I think that it's so important that y'all remember

919
00:52:41.340 --> 00:52:45.920
that. Like faith fatigue is a real thing. And when you feel it, sit down somewhere,

920
00:52:46.860 --> 00:52:53.360
tell the Lord, I'm tired. Because the truth is what's going to happen is the Bible says that

921
00:52:53.360 --> 00:52:58.400
they that wait up on the Lord, he shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings

922
00:52:58.400 --> 00:53:01.920
with eagles. They shall run and not faint. I mean, they should walk and not faint. They

923
00:53:01.920 --> 00:53:06.480
should run and not be weary. That's a real. Why do you think he said something like that?

924
00:53:07.380 --> 00:53:14.880
Why do you think he said in the scripture, he says, after you have suffered a little while,

925
00:53:15.840 --> 00:53:22.960
I will strengthen you. I will perfect you. I will establish you and I will settle you.

926
00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:29.540
That's what the word of God says. Paul says, we don't fight as one that beats against the wind.

927
00:53:29.900 --> 00:53:35.000
Like we're just hitting punches for no reason, right? We're not just like, so all of these

928
00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:39.480
things we know are true. And it's a real thing. And there's a reason why we have those scriptures

929
00:53:39.720 --> 00:53:45.840
that encourage us to get up and keep going and to sit back. And when you're tired and just stop for

930
00:53:45.840 --> 00:53:51.400
a moment and don't have these thoughts like this, if I stop, I need to keep going so I can get

931
00:53:51.400 --> 00:54:01.380
closer and closer. I put it on, I put it on, take a break and I just take some time and just get

932
00:54:01.660 --> 00:54:12.320
regrounded because yeah, it's not a race and, but yeah, definitely like, yeah, it's, it's just a new

933
00:54:12.320 --> 00:54:23.460
thing for me to, yeah, this type, but yeah. Is there something in me that I should be,

934
00:54:24.220 --> 00:54:30.720
that you're concerned about with my getting like so crazy excited? I'm like,

935
00:54:31.960 --> 00:54:36.560
I'm not concerned about you because this is one thing and it's true. The Bible says he who began

936
00:54:36.560 --> 00:54:45.300
good work in you is faithful to complete it. And I don't think he gave me, oh wow. That's the verse

937
00:54:45.300 --> 00:54:51.840
that he gave me when Steve dropped off. I said, what promise do you want me to believe? And he

938
00:54:51.840 --> 00:54:59.340
said, just keep declaring that I'm faithful. And then he gave me that verse. Yeah.

939
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:08.440
you know trying to do a self-inventory doesn't doesn't serve you best. If there's something that

940
00:55:08.440 --> 00:55:11.800
needs to be pulled out there something needs to be dealt with you better trust and believe that

941
00:55:11.800 --> 00:55:18.020
the father's going to do it because if you're in partnership with heaven for marriage then he's

942
00:55:18.020 --> 00:55:26.180
going to do the work as long as you partner with him yeah yeah okay sounds good you're welcome

943
00:55:26.180 --> 00:55:30.100
okay here we come printing let's go girl

944
00:55:33.740 --> 00:55:39.620
hello so i put my question in the chat but i was super late trying to do it all morning but

945
00:55:39.620 --> 00:55:46.440
i got it but i'm gonna read it now very quickly so um a sister and i from this program we went

946
00:55:46.440 --> 00:55:52.420
on a hike this weekend and you know like before the hike like we prayed like for no tick bites

947
00:55:52.420 --> 00:55:57.360
and also like to meet men organically because like both of us were talking how

948
00:55:57.360 --> 00:56:02.460
like we literally don't see any men and because of this program we've been telling ourselves there

949
00:56:02.460 --> 00:56:06.960
are good men everywhere there are good men everywhere right and so i was like at least

950
00:56:06.960 --> 00:56:13.820
even seeing mankind would be encouraging right so we kind of prayed over it and we went along

951
00:56:14.000 --> 00:56:20.340
and then very early into our hike we we met a pretty attractive man who was you know hiking

952
00:56:20.340 --> 00:56:24.880
by himself he was trying to take a picture in this beautiful background so i kind of reached

953
00:56:24.880 --> 00:56:30.460
out and i said hey i can take your picture and he was very grateful and he was very kind and then

954
00:56:30.460 --> 00:56:37.140
he was very chatty and friendly and then suddenly he became very flirty like in a french french

955
00:56:37.140 --> 00:56:42.540
canadian way you know like he's like oh you mademoiselles are very pretty blah blah blah and

956
00:56:42.540 --> 00:56:50.320
we found out very quickly that like he's he's single and then he comes to visit his mama

957
00:56:50.900 --> 00:56:57.880
and you know so that's why he's here and whatever whatever so i don't know like the moment he

958
00:56:57.960 --> 00:57:03.600
he's with like he was being very nice like it was a little flirty for me i like i don't i don't know

959
00:57:03.840 --> 00:57:10.120
um i think he was a little flirty and then my gods kind of went up and the sister's gods also

960
00:57:10.120 --> 00:57:15.580
went up and so we kind of politely ended the conversation and we kind of went our own separate

961
00:57:15.580 --> 00:57:21.500
way we ran into him a few times and we were kind and polite like you know true canadian but we

962
00:57:21.560 --> 00:57:28.000
didn't engage too much like we didn't like we didn't um you know ask him hey do you like how

963
00:57:28.000 --> 00:57:32.820
many days are you here are you coming back again do you want to go for a hike sometime like we

964
00:57:32.820 --> 00:57:38.880
didn't we didn't try any of it because we kind of got into our own bubble and so we met like we were

965
00:57:38.880 --> 00:57:44.400
talking about this the following day and she kind of had this revelation i was kind of feeling like

966
00:57:44.400 --> 00:57:49.300
weird about it but i couldn't process it and we talked about it and we were like we kind of

967
00:57:49.300 --> 00:57:54.620
went back into our bubble despite the fact that i keep praying that this online stuff is so weird

968
00:57:54.620 --> 00:58:00.440
and i want to meet somebody organically and there the lord answered our prayer and got like you know

969
00:58:00.440 --> 00:58:08.240
a man organically like discovery phase right and then we completely blew it and both of us like we

970
00:58:08.240 --> 00:58:14.000
kind of confided that like how it's our kind of automatic reflex like we didn't plan for it but

971
00:58:14.000 --> 00:58:21.300
it just kind of happened and so and i think like i i was looking back at that because like i work

972
00:58:21.300 --> 00:58:26.000
in a field where there are a lot of men right like i work in policy and government and so like there

973
00:58:26.000 --> 00:58:32.460
are men everywhere and then i'm very professional and like like i'm here to do business and i'm here

974
00:58:32.460 --> 00:58:37.960
to get things done right and so then i kind of like don't switch into like oh like could this

975
00:58:38.240 --> 00:58:42.740
person be something more and like it's very hard for me to switch that

976
00:58:42.900 --> 00:58:51.040
mindset so a i got awkward b i chickened out uh so i guess i wanted to ask you

977
00:58:52.060 --> 00:58:57.360
like what can i do practically like other than because i came back and prayed about it right and

978
00:58:57.860 --> 00:59:03.720
like i was like lord like i was really stupid like i didn't i didn't act on what you like

979
00:59:03.720 --> 00:59:10.520
opportunity you presented to me but i don't know like if um if you have any practical advice for me

980
00:59:11.260 --> 00:59:19.020
so that's a really good story and i have done that also and so i just practiced it a whole lot

981
00:59:19.020 --> 00:59:24.480
like i'll just go in like heb and be like it's just a grocery store here i'm like let me find

982
00:59:24.480 --> 00:59:31.700
one and so i don't like to fear something and if i fear it i go against it with everything in me

983
00:59:32.780 --> 00:59:36.460
this is just kind of mindset i have and so what you can practically do

984
00:59:36.460 --> 00:59:39.460
you won't do what i do just walk up to somebody

985
00:59:41.940 --> 00:59:48.260
so i'll walk up and i'll be like hey or like if they look like you talk men are much nicer to

986
00:59:48.260 --> 00:59:53.680
talk to than women usually you're right women like i'm busy move along unless you say their

987
00:59:53.680 --> 00:59:59.980
hair is cute or their clothes are cute or something like that uh and so so what

988
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.180
you do is you could just be like, oh, hey, how are you?

989
01:00:03.620 --> 01:00:05.340
You know, how's your day going?

990
01:00:05.480 --> 01:00:06.780
And it's like, everything's going great.

991
01:00:07.020 --> 01:00:08.340
You can just keep going.

992
01:00:09.100 --> 01:00:11.380
You don't have to, you know, like you can start

993
01:00:11.400 --> 01:00:13.740
breaking yourself in if you're at the gas pump

994
01:00:13.760 --> 01:00:16.340
and the guys at the pump says, hey, how are you today?

995
01:00:17.000 --> 01:00:18.520
Just something like that.

996
01:00:18.620 --> 01:00:20.040
Give him a nice strong look, you know,

997
01:00:20.060 --> 01:00:22.440
check out, see if he got a ring on his finger.

998
01:00:22.740 --> 01:00:24.960
So this guy was at the service station

999
01:00:24.960 --> 01:00:26.520
and maybe about five days ago

1000
01:00:26.520 --> 01:00:30.200
and he was playing this affirmation,

1001
01:00:30.920 --> 01:00:32.700
like God's kingdom come, his will be done,

1002
01:00:32.860 --> 01:00:34.860
like this very loud in his vehicle.

1003
01:00:35.300 --> 01:00:37.200
I was like, I wonder is this guy married?

1004
01:00:37.420 --> 01:00:38.960
And I kept trying to see his finger,

1005
01:00:39.120 --> 01:00:40.300
but he was at the other gate,

1006
01:00:40.320 --> 01:00:42.920
like on the other side of me, so I couldn't see it.

1007
01:00:42.960 --> 01:00:44.320
And so I was like, you should say something.

1008
01:00:44.480 --> 01:00:45.900
So I said, like, my heart stopped racing.

1009
01:00:45.960 --> 01:00:47.400
Like I still go through the same process.

1010
01:00:47.700 --> 01:00:48.300
None of this changes.

1011
01:00:48.640 --> 01:00:51.840
Then I was like, hey man, what's that you're listening to?

1012
01:00:51.940 --> 01:00:53.200
It's really good.

1013
01:00:53.420 --> 01:00:55.560
Then he came around and he's like, he was married,

1014
01:00:55.560 --> 01:00:58.080
but he was like, yeah, this is on YouTube.

1015
01:00:58.260 --> 01:00:59.640
He's like, let me show it to you.

1016
01:00:59.700 --> 01:01:00.840
And he was a man of God.

1017
01:01:00.900 --> 01:01:02.740
And he was like, it is so good.

1018
01:01:02.780 --> 01:01:03.820
I was like, yeah, it is.

1019
01:01:03.980 --> 01:01:05.140
Thank you so much for sharing.

1020
01:01:05.500 --> 01:01:06.780
It's just nice to hear it.

1021
01:01:06.780 --> 01:01:07.820
And it really was good.

1022
01:01:09.800 --> 01:01:11.660
But that was just an interaction.

1023
01:01:11.880 --> 01:01:13.780
And I just went for it because at first I was like,

1024
01:01:13.800 --> 01:01:16.720
just forget it, don't say anything, right?

1025
01:01:16.720 --> 01:01:19.320
And so when you interact with a guy,

1026
01:01:19.460 --> 01:01:21.460
if he wants to say something to you

1027
01:01:21.760 --> 01:01:24.740
and you're looking at him and he's looking at you,

1028
01:01:24.740 --> 01:01:26.720
this is opportunity to make a move.

1029
01:01:28.620 --> 01:01:33.660
And you can just start speaking to me if you like.

1030
01:01:34.580 --> 01:01:37.360
You can slow down and speak to somebody.

1031
01:01:38.760 --> 01:01:45.480
And don't move too fast when you're walking away, right?

1032
01:01:45.840 --> 01:01:47.240
It's like kind of linger.

1033
01:01:47.380 --> 01:01:49.320
I think that's a practical step you could make.

1034
01:01:49.380 --> 01:01:50.600
It really helped me a lot.

1035
01:01:52.400 --> 01:01:53.220
I don't know.

1036
01:01:53.320 --> 01:01:54.500
What are your thoughts about that?

1037
01:01:58.380 --> 01:02:02.160
So what should I have done when he was asking,

1038
01:02:02.300 --> 01:02:04.340
so what are you guys doing after the hike?

1039
01:02:04.600 --> 01:02:07.320
Are you going to this market or whatever?

1040
01:02:08.080 --> 01:02:10.680
I mean, we just said, no, we are not going to this market.

1041
01:02:10.960 --> 01:02:15.100
So what should I have asked more about his?

1042
01:02:15.580 --> 01:02:18.840
I was just like, it was almost like I was lost for words.

1043
01:02:18.840 --> 01:02:20.980
And honestly, I'm an extrovert.

1044
01:02:21.360 --> 01:02:23.740
I can literally talk to anybody under this.

1045
01:02:29.420 --> 01:02:31.500
Did she freeze or did I freeze?

1046
01:02:32.420 --> 01:02:33.640
Did I freeze?

1047
01:02:34.320 --> 01:02:35.340
Prateek froze?

1048
01:02:36.220 --> 01:02:36.500
She froze.

1049
01:02:36.660 --> 01:02:37.060
I don't know.

1050
01:02:38.040 --> 01:02:41.220
Somebody was telling me, oh, I should have got his phone

1051
01:02:41.220 --> 01:02:43.060
number or exchanged Instagram.

1052
01:02:43.220 --> 01:02:46.140
And that just feels a bit too intense for me.

1053
01:02:46.140 --> 01:02:49.740
I don't think I have the courage to do that.

1054
01:02:50.400 --> 01:02:52.360
Well, I understand that.

1055
01:02:52.520 --> 01:02:53.820
You gave him enough conversation.

1056
01:02:54.160 --> 01:02:56.240
He could have made a move if he wanted to.

1057
01:02:56.840 --> 01:02:58.520
And sometimes we have experiences just

1058
01:02:58.520 --> 01:03:01.040
so the Lord can show us how closed off we are.

1059
01:03:01.440 --> 01:03:03.800
Because when he started flirting, your first thought was,

1060
01:03:03.940 --> 01:03:04.740
let me get out of here.

1061
01:03:06.400 --> 01:03:06.880
Yeah.

1062
01:03:07.380 --> 01:03:08.660
And he could see it.

1063
01:03:08.760 --> 01:03:09.900
Y'all like, don't talk to us.

1064
01:03:10.500 --> 01:03:12.580
And women will carry a look.

1065
01:03:12.780 --> 01:03:14.440
Like, don't talk to me.

1066
01:03:14.440 --> 01:03:18.200
And still be praying, Lord, I really want a husband.

1067
01:03:18.760 --> 01:03:19.180
They do it.

1068
01:03:19.180 --> 01:03:21.060
Like, I watch women do it.

1069
01:03:21.360 --> 01:03:23.440
They won't even look at men.

1070
01:03:23.480 --> 01:03:25.100
But they keep talking about they want a husband.

1071
01:03:25.340 --> 01:03:27.300
They don't understand why the Lord won't come through.

1072
01:03:28.960 --> 01:03:30.740
You won't look at nobody.

1073
01:03:31.180 --> 01:03:33.640
Every time you go somewhere, you in such a hurry, baby,

1074
01:03:33.660 --> 01:03:35.420
even an angel can't catch up with you.

1075
01:03:35.540 --> 01:03:36.580
You like, whoosh, whoosh.

1076
01:03:36.580 --> 01:03:37.240
I ain't got time.

1077
01:03:37.260 --> 01:03:37.800
I gotta go.

1078
01:03:38.800 --> 01:03:41.620
When I'm in my car, girl, in traffic,

1079
01:03:41.620 --> 01:03:44.460
men will start blushing.

1080
01:03:44.720 --> 01:03:45.860
I will stare them down.

1081
01:03:49.660 --> 01:03:51.780
And I can see they'll just keep looking back like,

1082
01:03:51.980 --> 01:03:52.660
is she looking at me?

1083
01:03:52.720 --> 01:03:55.640
Like, they like that a woman would be checking them out.

1084
01:03:55.920 --> 01:03:57.560
It just blows their mind.

1085
01:03:57.900 --> 01:04:00.540
And they be like, is she looking at me?

1086
01:04:00.720 --> 01:04:01.160
I be like.

1087
01:04:02.480 --> 01:04:03.980
But I flirt, too.

1088
01:04:04.000 --> 01:04:09.520
So that's a part about my personality.

1089
01:04:09.520 --> 01:04:12.460
I'm not saying, like, I wasn't always like that.

1090
01:04:12.480 --> 01:04:14.380
But I've learned to grow up.

1091
01:04:14.960 --> 01:04:18.860
I've grown to be comfortable telling a man

1092
01:04:18.860 --> 01:04:22.800
if he's handsome to me without desiring to like him.

1093
01:04:23.260 --> 01:04:26.420
I do that intentionally because I like to build men up.

1094
01:04:27.580 --> 01:04:32.960
So that's just a part of my who I am, right?

1095
01:04:33.100 --> 01:04:34.600
So but back to what I've seen.

1096
01:04:34.720 --> 01:04:37.880
What you can do is start speaking to men.

1097
01:04:37.880 --> 01:04:40.500
Now, it's going to be more challenging in your workplace

1098
01:04:41.720 --> 01:04:43.420
because you can speak to them.

1099
01:04:43.640 --> 01:04:47.080
But I understand how you don't want to mesh all that together

1100
01:04:49.540 --> 01:04:51.420
because it's one thing to go on a coffee

1101
01:04:51.420 --> 01:04:52.320
date with somebody from work.

1102
01:04:52.360 --> 01:04:54.780
But if you get down the road in some months' time

1103
01:04:54.820 --> 01:04:56.980
and y'all find out y'all don't work out too well,

1104
01:04:57.020 --> 01:04:59.020
I don't know how well that's going to go in the workplace.

1105
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.680
But practically, you need to start speaking to me.

1106
01:05:04.580 --> 01:05:06.900
Okay. Yeah. I mean, when I mean work,

1107
01:05:07.040 --> 01:05:09.860
like it's the external circle,

1108
01:05:10.080 --> 01:05:11.440
like not my immediate work,

1109
01:05:11.600 --> 01:05:13.600
or my immediate work is like a no-no,

1110
01:05:14.900 --> 01:05:20.160
like it's too much of HR contention to deal with,

1111
01:05:20.220 --> 01:05:22.960
but when I meant work is like in the same field.

1112
01:05:23.320 --> 01:05:24.100
Okay. Yeah.

1113
01:05:24.100 --> 01:05:24.920
You can find a work.

1114
01:05:25.580 --> 01:05:26.820
Yeah. I think, yeah,

1115
01:05:26.820 --> 01:05:28.180
then you should give a little more.

1116
01:05:28.180 --> 01:05:30.600
You can smile a little harder.

1117
01:05:31.440 --> 01:05:33.480
Okay. I was in a conference with like,

1118
01:05:33.480 --> 01:05:36.000
I don't know, 5,000 men like yesterday and today,

1119
01:05:36.020 --> 01:05:38.700
and like I did not do very well.

1120
01:05:39.220 --> 01:05:40.700
So I tried.

1121
01:05:41.140 --> 01:05:43.100
But see, we need to be up in that call.

1122
01:05:43.160 --> 01:05:45.980
I bet every time they look at me, I'd be like this.

1123
01:05:50.540 --> 01:05:52.440
But yeah, try it next time.

1124
01:05:52.780 --> 01:05:53.960
Smile. You have a beautiful smile.

1125
01:05:55.620 --> 01:05:58.860
It's the small things that help develop you in other areas.

1126
01:06:00.320 --> 01:06:00.440
Yes.

1127
01:06:01.440 --> 01:06:02.480
All right.

1128
01:06:02.740 --> 01:06:03.680
Thank you, Ebony.

1129
01:06:04.420 --> 01:06:06.600
You're welcome, Felicia.

1130
01:06:07.140 --> 01:06:09.580
Here we come, ladies. We're going to speed up.

1131
01:06:13.080 --> 01:06:14.120
Hi, Ebony.

1132
01:06:14.440 --> 01:06:18.280
Just quickly, you talk about some things that really helped me.

1133
01:06:20.240 --> 01:06:22.160
But one of the things I want to ask.

1134
01:06:22.160 --> 01:06:26.920
So we know that we're taught how to do the guideline

1135
01:06:27.280 --> 01:06:28.640
in meeting someone.

1136
01:06:29.080 --> 01:06:30.600
I'm talking to this guy.

1137
01:06:31.480 --> 01:06:34.380
It's kind of fun because we're from the same country.

1138
01:06:34.520 --> 01:06:36.800
It's very familiar, and that's why I didn't want to go there.

1139
01:06:37.540 --> 01:06:41.340
But he's very, he's okay.

1140
01:06:41.820 --> 01:06:42.940
He's hot.

1141
01:06:44.760 --> 01:06:46.380
I'm learning how to do that.

1142
01:06:46.640 --> 01:06:48.180
I'm learning how to see that

1143
01:06:48.180 --> 01:06:50.180
because normally I am not like that.

1144
01:06:50.860 --> 01:06:53.960
I just very confident and know that, you know,

1145
01:06:54.060 --> 01:06:56.560
I talk to guys who are good looking and they're great.

1146
01:06:56.600 --> 01:06:59.340
And I like to let them know that they are.

1147
01:07:00.480 --> 01:07:02.780
But he works night and day.

1148
01:07:02.780 --> 01:07:04.200
He kind of have some choppy days off,

1149
01:07:04.200 --> 01:07:07.900
like he'll have a Monday off, but then he'll work Tuesday.

1150
01:07:08.620 --> 01:07:10.720
He'll have a Monday day off, then he'll work the night.

1151
01:07:11.100 --> 01:07:12.900
He'll have a Saturday day off, then he'll work night.

1152
01:07:12.940 --> 01:07:14.240
So he doesn't have the time.

1153
01:07:14.960 --> 01:07:16.780
He wants to make the time for us to meet.

1154
01:07:17.020 --> 01:07:18.160
He's four hours away.

1155
01:07:18.220 --> 01:07:19.080
That's South Carolina.

1156
01:07:19.080 --> 01:07:21.720
But he wants to meet me so bad.

1157
01:07:22.440 --> 01:07:24.500
And I'm feeling like I don't want to go

1158
01:07:24.500 --> 01:07:26.140
all the way there to do it.

1159
01:07:26.400 --> 01:07:31.040
I keep having that tug, like, why can't I just do it?

1160
01:07:31.040 --> 01:07:32.500
Or should I not?

1161
01:07:33.140 --> 01:07:33.720
How far is it?

1162
01:07:34.240 --> 01:07:37.200
I think it's four hours away from me.

1163
01:07:38.480 --> 01:07:41.040
Okay, why would you go four hours away though?

1164
01:07:41.780 --> 01:07:43.100
I mean, like meet him.

1165
01:07:43.100 --> 01:07:44.040
I could meet him,

1166
01:07:44.080 --> 01:07:46.340
but it's going to be like two hours, two hours.

1167
01:07:47.120 --> 01:07:52.620
But because he works so much, what's your idea on that?

1168
01:07:53.260 --> 01:07:56.700
Or he said, let's wait until he can take some time off

1169
01:07:56.700 --> 01:07:57.420
to do it.

1170
01:08:00.060 --> 01:08:01.720
Do you like him?

1171
01:08:03.060 --> 01:08:05.100
I'm getting to like him.

1172
01:08:05.100 --> 01:08:07.220
How long have you been talking to him?

1173
01:08:07.700 --> 01:08:09.820
About two weeks now.

1174
01:08:10.000 --> 01:08:10.660
A week and a half.

1175
01:08:10.740 --> 01:08:12.040
It's not almost a week.

1176
01:08:12.800 --> 01:08:14.140
Almost a week and a half.

1177
01:08:14.900 --> 01:08:17.700
If you like him, I think you should go meet him.

1178
01:08:18.939 --> 01:08:22.160
I think that if you're not willing to go meet him

1179
01:08:22.160 --> 01:08:24.260
and you want to wait till he takes some time out,

1180
01:08:24.720 --> 01:08:27.260
you're going to keep talking to a person

1181
01:08:27.260 --> 01:08:28.700
that you don't know.

1182
01:08:33.920 --> 01:08:36.920
If you like him, go meet him.

1183
01:08:37.340 --> 01:08:40.120
So you can make a decision about him.

1184
01:08:41.540 --> 01:08:43.200
But I kind of think he's more like

1185
01:08:43.200 --> 01:08:44.899
he wants to take the time off first

1186
01:08:44.899 --> 01:08:46.819
to make the effort to meet me.

1187
01:08:47.880 --> 01:08:51.840
Now, Fenneke, I really don't care what he want to do,

1188
01:08:52.300 --> 01:08:52.300


1189
01:08:53.200 --> 01:08:57.560
I don't like that it's your expense.

1190
01:09:00.920 --> 01:09:04.180
I don't prefer that you continue talking with someone

1191
01:09:04.180 --> 01:09:06.279
until they're able to take out some time,

1192
01:09:06.340 --> 01:09:08.340
unless they're able to take out the time next week

1193
01:09:09.279 --> 01:09:11.300
or the week after that.

1194
01:09:12.140 --> 01:09:16.140
I just don't see how that serves you well,

1195
01:09:16.620 --> 01:09:18.420
except for you want to keep it that way

1196
01:09:18.420 --> 01:09:20.319
because you don't want to go and meet him

1197
01:09:20.439 --> 01:09:23.300
because somehow you feel like it could be a waste of time

1198
01:09:23.300 --> 01:09:24.580
and you don't want to invest.

1199
01:09:24.939 --> 01:09:27.220
There's some reason you're not wanting to invest

1200
01:09:27.220 --> 01:09:29.140
in the person that you say you like.

1201
01:09:31.260 --> 01:09:35.700
Now, if it's financial or you have to take out work

1202
01:09:35.700 --> 01:09:36.660
to make that happen,

1203
01:09:37.000 --> 01:09:39.120
then now we're talking about something different.

1204
01:09:40.319 --> 01:09:42.340
I have more time than him.

1205
01:09:42.600 --> 01:09:46.460
I can make more flexible room than him.

1206
01:09:46.660 --> 01:09:48.279
Cause he kind of tours here.

1207
01:09:48.420 --> 01:09:50.420
So right now they're going to be laying off soon.

1208
01:09:50.580 --> 01:09:52.200
And he kind of waiting for that.

1209
01:09:52.279 --> 01:09:55.980
So he's kind of, you know, working for now

1210
01:09:55.980 --> 01:09:57.200
instead of taking the time off.

1211
01:09:59.020 --> 01:09:59.980
So I have more time.

1212
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:07.460
take this time off because I'm thinking like driving two hours for a day and he

1213
01:10:07.460 --> 01:10:11.040
drive two hours I don't know if that makes sense

1214
01:10:11.740 --> 01:10:16.640
Felicia when is the man gonna get the time out there what I'm saying that

1215
01:10:16.640 --> 01:10:22.740
should I I think he wants to wait for like longer than I would want to take

1216
01:10:22.740 --> 01:10:37.380
the time off yeah so how long do you think he's saying which month the end of

1217
01:10:37.380 --> 01:10:43.800
the month this month I can't see your eyes anymore so I think this the thing

1218
01:10:43.800 --> 01:10:50.480
to hear what you're saying oh well you know this month it's almost it's the 19

1219
01:10:50.480 --> 01:10:58.780
it's the 19th today right 20 no today well it's just about 10 more days 11

1220
01:10:58.780 --> 01:11:04.940
actually I think it's 31 days in this month I'm so quick like say oh it's not

1221
01:11:04.940 --> 01:11:12.020
gonna work you know just forget it I see it I already know we going there why

1222
01:11:12.020 --> 01:11:15.700
you hit your ass from it I'm saying that I can't even say that no more I'm

1223
01:11:15.700 --> 01:11:20.740
not trying to pull the wool over my eyes cuz this ain't making sense if you like the man

1224
01:11:21.020 --> 01:11:26.320
you don't I do like him but I don't know what's so wrong with me I just maybe I'm

1225
01:11:26.320 --> 01:11:33.140
scared I don't know well being scared is a natural thing so I'll tell you what

1226
01:11:33.940 --> 01:11:39.260
you can drive it two hours and see it as an adventure but if you don't see it as

1227
01:11:39.260 --> 01:11:46.140
an adventure I'm concerned like right you can't do it for him and you can't do

1228
01:11:46.140 --> 01:11:54.340
it with some expectation that's unrealistic and sometimes Felicia we

1229
01:11:54.340 --> 01:11:59.880
are more comfortable talking to people and just having somebody to talk to then

1230
01:11:59.880 --> 01:12:16.260
we are actually meeting people and so which one are you talking because we've

1231
01:12:16.260 --> 01:12:24.440
been working on this day for a while hey I know so the thing is what I'm this is

1232
01:12:24.440 --> 01:12:29.540
my thoughts if you're not willing to drive two hours to meet him when are you

1233
01:12:29.540 --> 01:12:35.100
gonna be willing because if you end up liking him you're gonna have you're

1234
01:12:35.100 --> 01:12:44.120
gonna want to spend your desire to spend time with him like but if you don't want

1235
01:12:44.120 --> 01:12:49.380
to talk to if you don't if you really don't want to get to know this man then

1236
01:12:49.380 --> 01:12:56.680
why are you talking to him no this long distance I don't know it's just oh I

1237
01:12:56.680 --> 01:13:00.820
don't think I do well with it but that's what that's what came up you know

1238
01:13:00.840 --> 01:13:07.680
four hours three hours away okay well sounds like you need to have a

1239
01:13:07.680 --> 01:13:10.400
conversation with him huh

1240
01:13:16.100 --> 01:13:24.980
about that you don't want to get to know him oh okay now you may have some

1241
01:13:24.980 --> 01:13:31.520
because you enjoy feeling this space that's a real thing right um and if you

1242
01:13:31.520 --> 01:13:37.520
don't believe that he's serious about you but if you think that he's really

1243
01:13:37.520 --> 01:13:43.940
interested in you and I think that you the integrous thing will be to say hey

1244
01:13:44.080 --> 01:13:48.560
I'm not interested and I'm not interested in long-distance dating

1245
01:13:53.700 --> 01:14:01.900
okay I'll work on what do you think about this I'll think about it and see

1246
01:14:01.900 --> 01:14:05.980
if I want to go in I was thinking about it today that I should be a big girl and

1247
01:14:06.140 --> 01:14:14.880
just drive the two hours so you like them I do like him okay so I need to

1248
01:14:15.000 --> 01:14:22.460
encourage you just to do it okay I don't know I'm asking you what do you

1249
01:14:22.460 --> 01:14:30.480
want me to encourage you to do I don't know I just I don't know I just think I

1250
01:14:31.320 --> 01:14:38.160
don't know why I just don't want to make the effort to me to go two hours how

1251
01:14:38.160 --> 01:14:44.940
long have you been talking to him about a week and a half oh we can have I don't

1252
01:14:44.940 --> 01:14:48.000
know I tell you what the longer you chat with him the hard it's gonna be to make

1253
01:14:48.000 --> 01:14:55.260
yourself meet him the more possible insecurities to come in just do it

1254
01:14:55.260 --> 01:14:59.980
scared like I said last week come on that's right do it scared I think

1255
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.860
You should just somebody may mention in the comments that you should just take a day trip

1256
01:15:03.860 --> 01:15:06.740
I think you should I think you should do it for you, though

1257
01:15:07.860 --> 01:15:14.080
Anything that happens you're not disappointed you took a day trip to meet a guy. It's really fun. I

1258
01:15:14.420 --> 01:15:17.700
Can't see I will drive two hours to meet somebody if I was interested

1259
01:15:19.120 --> 01:15:25.280
You're not me, but I would definitely do it. Um, just because I enjoy the process of dating

1260
01:15:26.280 --> 01:15:28.420
Right, and I enjoy

1261
01:15:28.420 --> 01:15:31.020
What it does within me

1262
01:15:34.120 --> 01:15:39.360
So, you know, it's a different man's mindset and so I

1263
01:15:39.360 --> 01:15:42.480
Think you need to go on a date though. I

1264
01:15:42.480 --> 01:15:44.300
Think I need to do it because I don't date a lot

1265
01:15:46.200 --> 01:15:48.380
It's like it was hard to just

1266
01:15:50.200 --> 01:15:55.020
Take my little car on this drive and we'll meet someone who I was only like, oh my goodness

1267
01:15:58.440 --> 01:16:01.860
Yeah, that's not bad and probably playing for multiple hours

1268
01:16:02.400 --> 01:16:07.520
So if you're gonna drive to our job should you know have something else playing too?

1269
01:16:08.040 --> 01:16:13.860
So I started in the morning like mid-morning with a cup of coffee go do something go to lunch

1270
01:16:17.860 --> 01:16:19.140
And then

1271
01:16:19.660 --> 01:16:24.840
Walk around the drive back something like that. Okay. Oh, that's not my problem

1272
01:16:24.840 --> 01:16:30.920
Then I go then I drive up by myself like I'm making it very hard like okay, so I'm gonna be driving back by myself

1273
01:16:31.920 --> 01:16:33.800
You won't bring him back with you

1274
01:16:39.020 --> 01:16:39.500
You

1275
01:16:41.700 --> 01:16:43.720
Came about yourself

1276
01:16:51.820 --> 01:16:56.560
Yeah, I really need to work on that I don't know where's that coming from where I just don't

1277
01:16:57.200 --> 01:16:59.280
Move to do things like that

1278
01:16:59.740 --> 01:17:03.440
You know, I'll do anything for anyone. I'll drive to see anyone but

1279
01:17:04.020 --> 01:17:06.340
Just to do something for myself like that

1280
01:17:07.240 --> 01:17:09.640
Yeah, I think I'm making it hard

1281
01:17:11.280 --> 01:17:12.400
Yeah, yeah

1282
01:17:13.240 --> 01:17:19.760
Well, this how thank you so much always great talking with you and I always move one step further when you talk to me

1283
01:17:20.580 --> 01:17:21.360
Oh good

1284
01:17:24.100 --> 01:17:27.780
Thank you, you're welcome Janie

1285
01:17:31.020 --> 01:17:34.500
Did you say Jane

1286
01:17:35.280 --> 01:17:39.620
Jane I thought was Janie it is Janey. That's what you said

1287
01:17:40.620 --> 01:17:46.000
I'm sorry ladies. I can't come on camera. It's my bedtime and I have on my my bonnet and my pajamas

1288
01:17:46.000 --> 01:17:47.540
Not to have money. Come on

1289
01:17:48.140 --> 01:17:53.260
Yes, I do. I just wanted to give a quick update and share a win today

1290
01:17:53.380 --> 01:17:55.820
Okay, so quick update on Melvin

1291
01:17:56.420 --> 01:17:57.760
We did talk about

1292
01:17:58.300 --> 01:18:04.280
Actually, I wasn't supposed to call him but I did because I did not want to go into the whole next week

1293
01:18:04.520 --> 01:18:09.620
You know wondering what his intentions were. So I asked him he come so yes, I'm very intentional and we had a conversation

1294
01:18:10.160 --> 01:18:13.880
About him being intentional and wanting to date and he's like, you know

1295
01:18:13.980 --> 01:18:20.040
I'm interested in marriage if it's the right person blah blah blah. And so I said, okay, so we had a good conversation

1296
01:18:20.040 --> 01:18:21.640
he said I'm glad you brought it up because

1297
01:18:22.320 --> 01:18:24.600
it was a good conversation and I

1298
01:18:25.580 --> 01:18:29.240
Didn't think you liked me is what he said. I said, well, why would you say that?

1299
01:18:29.240 --> 01:18:33.480
He said because I think I talk too much. I said well, that didn't bother me and he said, okay

1300
01:18:33.480 --> 01:18:35.520
So I'm really interested in knowing you

1301
01:18:36.860 --> 01:18:42.280
But that was the last conversation that was Saturday, so then he text on Sunday. No, that was Sunday

1302
01:18:42.580 --> 01:18:45.300
So then he text on Monday. Good morning

1303
01:18:46.440 --> 01:18:52.040
And I said, okay. Good morning. That was it didn't hear from the rest of the day. Okay, go ahead. Yeah

1304
01:18:52.420 --> 01:18:52.780
So

1305
01:18:54.480 --> 01:18:58.740
And so I told him about the program and then when I saw that the program had a sale

1306
01:18:58.740 --> 01:19:03.080
I think that's awesome on Facebook. I sent it to him early this morning and I said, hey, this is the program

1307
01:19:03.080 --> 01:19:04.180
I was telling you about

1308
01:19:05.120 --> 01:19:10.600
I'm not your friend on Facebook. And so he said oh my last name something was the last name is and then that was it

1309
01:19:10.600 --> 01:19:15.380
I ain't heard him from him. I'm like, okay, so I wasn't gonna go be his friend on Facebook

1310
01:19:15.380 --> 01:19:19.760
I just wanted you to check out the program. That's the program if he was interested in so he had said no more

1311
01:19:19.760 --> 01:19:22.940
He didn't call yesterday. He didn't call today and I was not calling him today either

1312
01:19:23.540 --> 01:19:24.280
Wait, no

1313
01:19:24.920 --> 01:19:26.480
We'll see if he's gonna be intentional

1314
01:19:27.780 --> 01:19:28.980
Well, he's done

1315
01:19:29.860 --> 01:19:30.340
engine

1316
01:19:31.340 --> 01:19:31.820
right

1317
01:19:32.520 --> 01:19:39.640
He said he's very intentional about the process and all that but he has not shown it. So I'm like, okay moving on

1318
01:19:39.840 --> 01:19:44.920
so I updated my profile to reflect Phoenix and try to get people in

1319
01:19:45.600 --> 01:19:48.800
Phoenix and then reaching out to some people there and gotten any responses

1320
01:19:49.860 --> 01:19:55.000
Okay, so my way for today is I remember way back when

1321
01:19:56.200 --> 01:19:59.980
We were on a zoom and they think it was Bethany and I

1322
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.160
I'm not sure if it was Bethany, whoever said,

1323
01:20:01.560 --> 01:20:02.840
that men like dresses.

1324
01:20:02.940 --> 01:20:05.040
So I get on my little sundress today

1325
01:20:05.040 --> 01:20:06.120
and I go to the grocery store.

1326
01:20:07.000 --> 01:20:07.400
Yeah.

1327
01:20:09.320 --> 01:20:11.980
So, you know how we ladies, we just pushing the cart.

1328
01:20:12.120 --> 01:20:13.920
We pushing around, you know, we're going slow,

1329
01:20:14.000 --> 01:20:15.060
just checking out each aisle.

1330
01:20:15.340 --> 01:20:18.100
This man comes speeding around the corner,

1331
01:20:18.540 --> 01:20:19.640
him and his teenage son.

1332
01:20:19.940 --> 01:20:21.340
I'm looking at clothes for my grandson

1333
01:20:21.340 --> 01:20:23.260
and down the other end of the aisle,

1334
01:20:23.500 --> 01:20:24.500
there's men's underwear.

1335
01:20:24.640 --> 01:20:25.780
He comes speeding around the corner.

1336
01:20:25.860 --> 01:20:28.040
He's like, that don't look like that's gonna fit you.

1337
01:20:28.040 --> 01:20:30.380
And I was like, oh, I turned around and said,

1338
01:20:30.380 --> 01:20:31.200
oh, hey, how are you doing?

1339
01:20:31.620 --> 01:20:33.740
And so I spoke to him, kind of flirty.

1340
01:20:33.960 --> 01:20:35.360
And I saw he had his teenage son

1341
01:20:35.360 --> 01:20:37.600
and I'm looking like, okay, dude, he got a wedding band?

1342
01:20:37.680 --> 01:20:38.740
And then they're down there

1343
01:20:38.740 --> 01:20:40.040
talking about underwear, whatever.

1344
01:20:40.300 --> 01:20:41.300
So I'm still there.

1345
01:20:41.320 --> 01:20:43.440
And so I goes and avoid him.

1346
01:20:43.480 --> 01:20:44.960
I go around the other way

1347
01:20:45.420 --> 01:20:46.860
because I didn't know if the man was married.

1348
01:20:46.920 --> 01:20:48.940
He got a teenager and I'm like, hmm.

1349
01:20:49.040 --> 01:20:51.540
So I go around the other way and go to the freezer

1350
01:20:51.540 --> 01:20:52.720
to go get me some eggs and milk.

1351
01:20:52.740 --> 01:20:56.200
So he comes over there talking to me about some milk.

1352
01:20:56.940 --> 01:20:59.240
He come over there talking to me about milk

1353
01:20:59.240 --> 01:21:00.460
and I'm looking at almond milk.

1354
01:21:00.580 --> 01:21:01.820
He's like, I heard that milk's not good for you.

1355
01:21:01.940 --> 01:21:03.720
I said, well, where you hear that at?

1356
01:21:03.740 --> 01:21:05.080
Because that's not true.

1357
01:21:05.420 --> 01:21:06.860
And so I said, he said,

1358
01:21:06.880 --> 01:21:08.080
well, why don't you drink the other milk?

1359
01:21:08.120 --> 01:21:09.440
I said, I don't drink cow's milk.

1360
01:21:09.480 --> 01:21:10.380
I said, what are you drinking?

1361
01:21:10.700 --> 01:21:13.020
So I just have a little conversation with him,

1362
01:21:13.120 --> 01:21:14.480
which was kind of cute

1363
01:21:14.740 --> 01:21:16.220
because normally I would have been like,

1364
01:21:16.560 --> 01:21:17.480
chill, leave me alone.

1365
01:21:18.360 --> 01:21:20.440
You got a whole grown son with you.

1366
01:21:20.800 --> 01:21:21.820
But you know, I engaged him

1367
01:21:21.820 --> 01:21:23.620
and he sitting on his phone talking about,

1368
01:21:23.620 --> 01:21:27.060
hey, Siri, what are the benefits of almond milk?

1369
01:21:27.100 --> 01:21:28.580
And he's on his phone and everything.

1370
01:21:28.660 --> 01:21:30.680
And I was like, I said,

1371
01:21:30.700 --> 01:21:32.120
well, I'm still gonna get this almond milk

1372
01:21:32.120 --> 01:21:33.140
because that's what I like.

1373
01:21:33.500 --> 01:21:35.220
And he asked me what I do with it.

1374
01:21:35.220 --> 01:21:36.900
And then he said, well, I'm lactate.

1375
01:21:37.440 --> 01:21:39.180
And I thought the man was leading on to something,

1376
01:21:39.240 --> 01:21:39.900
but it was cute.

1377
01:21:39.920 --> 01:21:41.100
And he went on about his way.

1378
01:21:41.120 --> 01:21:42.600
And I said, he might gonna be up front waiting for me

1379
01:21:42.600 --> 01:21:44.040
when I get up there.

1380
01:21:44.560 --> 01:21:45.600
How funny was it?

1381
01:21:46.660 --> 01:21:47.500
He was long gone.

1382
01:21:47.580 --> 01:21:48.640
I stayed in that store a long time.

1383
01:21:49.280 --> 01:21:50.160
But that was cute.

1384
01:21:50.180 --> 01:21:51.080
That was my win for the day

1385
01:21:51.080 --> 01:21:55.100
because I actually talked to somebody eye to eye.

1386
01:21:55.640 --> 01:21:56.560
Normally isn't passing, you know,

1387
01:21:56.600 --> 01:21:57.420
I'm like, hey, how you doing?

1388
01:21:57.500 --> 01:21:59.560
You know, I'll speak, but I'll keep on going.

1389
01:22:00.020 --> 01:22:00.420
Yeah.

1390
01:22:00.760 --> 01:22:02.360
That was a lot of fun.

1391
01:22:02.960 --> 01:22:06.200
And when he saw that feminine woman with that dress on,

1392
01:22:06.620 --> 01:22:07.280
he had-

1393
01:22:07.840 --> 01:22:07.840


1394
01:22:10.020 --> 01:22:10.420
Yes.

1395
01:22:10.740 --> 01:22:12.120
But that was my win for the day.

1396
01:22:12.220 --> 01:22:12.960
That's all I wanted to share.

1397
01:22:13.620 --> 01:22:14.400
Good, thank you.

1398
01:22:14.460 --> 01:22:15.320
That was a good win.

1399
01:22:16.280 --> 01:22:17.700
Daring, that was really good.

1400
01:22:18.580 --> 01:22:18.980
You're welcome.

1401
01:22:19.620 --> 01:22:20.660
You know, come on Kim,

1402
01:22:20.660 --> 01:22:22.040
come on Kim.

1403
01:22:27.140 --> 01:22:28.660
You still on mute.

1404
01:22:33.440 --> 01:22:34.620
There I go.

1405
01:22:36.760 --> 01:22:38.880
Well, I was kind of going along

1406
01:22:38.880 --> 01:22:40.660
with what Lori was talking about.

1407
01:22:41.080 --> 01:22:43.640
But so Lori, I had somebody also,

1408
01:22:43.760 --> 01:22:45.400
but I've been talking to him for a week.

1409
01:22:45.960 --> 01:22:47.860
It was, I'm gonna call him Farmer Jay.

1410
01:22:47.860 --> 01:22:51.220
And anyway, everything was good.

1411
01:22:51.320 --> 01:22:53.020
And then it was his birthday Friday

1412
01:22:53.020 --> 01:22:54.460
and I wish him a happy birthday.

1413
01:22:55.440 --> 01:22:57.620
He says, he goes, it's actually my birthday today.

1414
01:22:57.620 --> 01:22:58.880
I'm going out with some friends for dinner.

1415
01:22:58.960 --> 01:23:01.400
And I'm like, oh, I said, happy birthday.

1416
01:23:01.560 --> 01:23:03.980
I said, I hope you have a great time tonight,

1417
01:23:04.880 --> 01:23:05.960
you know, or whatever.

1418
01:23:06.280 --> 01:23:08.060
And I don't know, anyway.

1419
01:23:08.500 --> 01:23:11.680
And then the next day I texted him and said,

1420
01:23:11.820 --> 01:23:13.260
hope you had a great birthday.

1421
01:23:13.880 --> 01:23:15.520
And we've been talking back and forth

1422
01:23:15.520 --> 01:23:17.900
and he's been very, very sweet, very nice.

1423
01:23:18.340 --> 01:23:19.460
Everything's been great.

1424
01:23:19.740 --> 01:23:21.820
And I actually know someone that knows him

1425
01:23:21.820 --> 01:23:23.080
and says he's a great guy.

1426
01:23:24.380 --> 01:23:28.800
So anyway, I said, hope you had a great birthday, nothing.

1427
01:23:29.840 --> 01:23:35.100
Then Sunday, I sent him a little text and I just said,

1428
01:23:36.040 --> 01:23:36.920
because we've been talking about

1429
01:23:36.920 --> 01:23:38.140
wanting to talk on the phone.

1430
01:23:38.220 --> 01:23:41.640
And I said, if you have time today to talk,

1431
01:23:42.320 --> 01:23:44.180
I'm home today doing chores.

1432
01:23:44.180 --> 01:23:45.460
And then I said, of course,

1433
01:23:45.500 --> 01:23:47.440
you could be extending your birthday celebration

1434
01:23:47.680 --> 01:23:48.620
through the weekend.

1435
01:23:48.700 --> 01:23:50.180
And if so, I wouldn't blame you.

1436
01:23:51.140 --> 01:23:53.100
I sent him a photo from my recent trip to Colorado

1437
01:23:53.300 --> 01:23:55.000
because he's been talking about traveling.

1438
01:23:55.000 --> 01:23:57.120
And I said, hopefully this gives you incentive to travel.

1439
01:23:57.620 --> 01:23:58.640
This is where we went fishing.

1440
01:23:58.900 --> 01:24:01.100
We live in such a beautiful country, still nothing.

1441
01:24:01.460 --> 01:24:04.920
So that was Sunday, Monday, nothing, Tuesday, nothing.

1442
01:24:05.260 --> 01:24:07.680
And I'm like, what happened?

1443
01:24:08.440 --> 01:24:09.360
What happened?

1444
01:24:09.540 --> 01:24:11.040
Like everything was going so well.

1445
01:24:13.140 --> 01:24:15.360
So Carla answered me and said,

1446
01:24:16.000 --> 01:24:17.340
don't reach out to him again.

1447
01:24:17.780 --> 01:24:20.440
Cause I've talked to him like couple days now,

1448
01:24:21.200 --> 01:24:22.360
but that's hard for me

1449
01:24:22.360 --> 01:24:24.180
cause it's like, I feel like I have no closures.

1450
01:24:24.440 --> 01:24:25.200
Like what happened?

1451
01:24:25.260 --> 01:24:27.280
I feel like did something happen to him?

1452
01:24:27.960 --> 01:24:29.780
Like, is he okay?

1453
01:24:29.980 --> 01:24:30.860
Like, I don't know.

1454
01:24:32.120 --> 01:24:32.640
So I don't know.

1455
01:24:32.660 --> 01:24:33.780
I just don't like it.

1456
01:24:34.380 --> 01:24:37.220
It's just like, and of course my history

1457
01:24:37.220 --> 01:24:39.020
is like second guessing myself.

1458
01:24:39.240 --> 01:24:40.760
Did I say something wrong?

1459
01:24:40.760 --> 01:24:44.340
Did I offend him in some way?

1460
01:24:44.600 --> 01:24:46.120
Like, what did I do?

1461
01:24:46.180 --> 01:24:47.380
And I know I didn't do anything.

1462
01:24:47.460 --> 01:24:49.280
And I've done a lot of healing around that.

1463
01:24:49.520 --> 01:24:53.720
And I feel like I was kind throughout the entire process.

1464
01:24:53.820 --> 01:24:56.360
So I guess guys just disappear sometimes

1465
01:24:56.400 --> 01:24:58.520
and it's just frustrating, right?

1466
01:24:58.800 --> 01:24:59.680
Disappointing, frustrating.

1467
01:25:02.000 --> 01:25:03.460
So I kind of, it's hard.

1468
01:25:03.520 --> 01:25:04.800
So Carlos said, just let it go.

1469
01:25:05.380 --> 01:25:07.840
And I'm, I, last night I surrendered it.

1470
01:25:08.520 --> 01:25:11.920
I, I, I lifted up and surrendered and said, I'm going to give him to you, Lord.

1471
01:25:12.820 --> 01:25:14.840
And then I had to get up to go to the bathroom.

1472
01:25:14.940 --> 01:25:17.820
And when I came back, I found myself thinking about it again and

1473
01:25:17.820 --> 01:25:18.960
looking back at what I said.

1474
01:25:18.980 --> 01:25:20.800
And I said, well, boy, you really didn't surrender.

1475
01:25:21.480 --> 01:25:22.760
Here you are back in it again.

1476
01:25:23.540 --> 01:25:27.560
So then I was like, no, Kim, give it to the Lord, let it go.

1477
01:25:28.040 --> 01:25:30.580
And that's, and today I'm feeling a little bit better about it.

1478
01:25:30.600 --> 01:25:33.840
Well, and I do have a date tomorrow, my first in-person date, since

1479
01:25:33.840 --> 01:25:39.520
this whole thing started, and it's a coffee date and I do have book club

1480
01:25:39.540 --> 01:25:41.520
at 1130 and the coffee dates at 10.

1481
01:25:41.560 --> 01:25:42.620
So I only have an hour.

1482
01:25:42.780 --> 01:25:43.700
So that's perfect.

1483
01:25:43.880 --> 01:25:44.780
I'll have to leave.

1484
01:25:45.540 --> 01:25:49.780
Um, but I am nervous, but I, you know, it's like, it's just, like

1485
01:25:49.780 --> 01:25:50.900
you said, dating for discovery.

1486
01:25:50.900 --> 01:25:54.040
I'm just trying to go and have a good time, have a cup of coffee

1487
01:25:54.040 --> 01:25:55.940
and learn and meet somebody new.

1488
01:25:55.940 --> 01:25:59.980
So I'm trying to, that's where I'm trying to go in with, but anyway,

1489
01:26:00.220 --> 01:26:02.060
so that's all that's what's going on.

1490
01:26:02.980 --> 01:26:03.780
That's exciting.

1491
01:26:03.920 --> 01:26:07.980
And it does stink when somebody falls out the face because you're actually

1492
01:26:07.980 --> 01:26:09.600
trying to get to know this person.

1493
01:26:09.720 --> 01:26:13.400
And so I'm interested to see if he's ever going to reach back out and

1494
01:26:13.400 --> 01:26:17.400
though it may be challenging whatsoever you do, if you reach out to him and

1495
01:26:17.400 --> 01:26:19.040
he doesn't respond, you're going to be upset.

1496
01:26:19.360 --> 01:26:22.380
And if you reach out to him and he does respond, you're going to be upset.

1497
01:26:24.500 --> 01:26:28.820
I'd almost rather him tell me, Hey, look, I'm, I'm, I went to birthday

1498
01:26:28.820 --> 01:26:32.020
with my friends and there's this lady and we're kind of interested.

1499
01:26:32.480 --> 01:26:33.800
So just tell me the truth.

1500
01:26:33.800 --> 01:26:36.400
I, I mean, I feel like I'm not that invested yet.

1501
01:26:36.420 --> 01:26:40.440
I, I can handle it, but just why can't you just say why you disappear?

1502
01:26:40.520 --> 01:26:42.140
Like why just disappear?

1503
01:26:42.260 --> 01:26:48.160
I just don't understand that, but I guess we don't always understand stuff.

1504
01:26:49.040 --> 01:26:52.360
Well, yeah, but we'll see if he follows back up with you.

1505
01:26:52.360 --> 01:26:56.880
If he doesn't, he didn't want to talk for whatever reason, I guess.

1506
01:26:57.300 --> 01:26:58.200
Yeah, I know.

1507
01:26:58.420 --> 01:26:58.940
That sucks.

1508
01:26:59.440 --> 01:26:59.960
You block his number.

1509
01:27:00.040 --> 01:27:02.240
So when you do call back, he can see you don't play.

1510
01:27:03.460 --> 01:27:07.240
No, I would like closure on it, but I don't, I don't know

1511
01:27:07.240 --> 01:27:08.120
if I'm going to get closure.

1512
01:27:09.180 --> 01:27:12.340
So look, you don't need no closure about what?

1513
01:27:12.900 --> 01:27:13.620
I don't know.

1514
01:27:13.660 --> 01:27:15.700
Just because we were having a nice conversation.

1515
01:27:15.760 --> 01:27:17.360
It was my first one out the gate.

1516
01:27:17.620 --> 01:27:20.700
It was my very first person on, on Facebook dating.

1517
01:27:20.700 --> 01:27:25.500
And I mean, immediately it was like, oh, this is, this is, this is great.

1518
01:27:25.560 --> 01:27:28.100
Like it was making me feel really encouraged.

1519
01:27:28.500 --> 01:27:30.260
And then now it's like, boom.

1520
01:27:31.420 --> 01:27:31.860
Okay.

1521
01:27:32.120 --> 01:27:32.680
All right.

1522
01:27:32.680 --> 01:27:33.520
This makes sense.

1523
01:27:33.700 --> 01:27:35.020
It was your first one out the gate.

1524
01:27:35.080 --> 01:27:35.520
Okay.

1525
01:27:35.580 --> 01:27:36.020
All right.

1526
01:27:36.020 --> 01:27:38.840
I'm checking with you that I understand now a little bit better.

1527
01:27:38.880 --> 01:27:40.520
I'm glad you made they come in.

1528
01:27:40.520 --> 01:27:41.620
When is your first one?

1529
01:27:41.640 --> 01:27:41.860
Yeah.

1530
01:27:42.200 --> 01:27:43.080
If yeah.

1531
01:27:43.100 --> 01:27:43.540
Yeah.

1532
01:27:43.540 --> 01:27:44.940
I've had people stop talking to me.

1533
01:27:44.940 --> 01:27:45.920
I'm like, what did I do?

1534
01:27:46.720 --> 01:27:47.020
Why?

1535
01:27:47.060 --> 01:27:48.300
Why would you just stop talking to me?

1536
01:27:48.300 --> 01:27:50.060
Like, what, who does that?

1537
01:27:50.060 --> 01:27:51.200
Who does that?

1538
01:27:52.640 --> 01:27:54.520
First starting, they do it at some point.

1539
01:27:54.660 --> 01:27:55.600
I got like, oh, whatever.

1540
01:27:56.300 --> 01:27:59.440
But it wouldn't, you first started and they just up and stop talking to you.

1541
01:27:59.620 --> 01:28:02.060
Or you'd be like, what did I even do to you?

1542
01:28:02.720 --> 01:28:04.500
What I do to deserve it.

1543
01:28:05.500 --> 01:28:05.980
Exactly.

1544
01:28:07.120 --> 01:28:09.280
Um, you didn't do anything to deserve it.

1545
01:28:09.380 --> 01:28:11.180
And I became, I'm a firm believer.

1546
01:28:11.260 --> 01:28:15.020
And I tell people these, when somebody shows you who they are, believe them.

1547
01:28:17.180 --> 01:28:22.200
I don't want, I don't even want what you got to say, whatever it is, you're

1548
01:28:22.740 --> 01:28:24.300
inconsistent, like, this is not judging.

1549
01:28:24.420 --> 01:28:27.940
Like you're looking at a person's behavior, um, because he can come back

1550
01:28:27.940 --> 01:28:31.240
and say, oh man, if he said he lost his phone, okay, all right.

1551
01:28:31.240 --> 01:28:32.780
Then you could give him a chance to talk to him.

1552
01:28:35.400 --> 01:28:41.500
But you know, yeah, just kind of like, but have fun on your coffee date.

1553
01:28:41.520 --> 01:28:44.840
And if you get to, if it gets spicy, you may have to miss that book club.

1554
01:28:44.840 --> 01:28:45.020
And it's like, I don't know.

1555
01:28:45.020 --> 01:28:46.140
Enjoy your cup.

1556
01:28:46.480 --> 01:28:50.300
I got to make my book club, but, um, you know, but we'll see each other again.

1557
01:28:50.300 --> 01:28:51.300
But he lives in my neighborhood.

1558
01:28:51.400 --> 01:28:54.840
He's, I mean, not my neighborhood, my neighborhood, but he lives in my area.

1559
01:28:54.840 --> 01:28:55.800
So he's close.

1560
01:28:55.840 --> 01:28:57.280
The other guy was like an hour away.

1561
01:28:58.040 --> 01:28:59.100
Um, so that's good.

1562
01:28:59.260 --> 01:29:02.260
And he's, and he, he goes to a really good church.

1563
01:29:02.260 --> 01:29:04.760
He mentioned what church he goes to, and I know it's a really good church.

1564
01:29:04.800 --> 01:29:07.240
And I, you know, he's a believer, so that's exciting.

1565
01:29:07.360 --> 01:29:08.720
And I didn't know about the other guy.

1566
01:29:08.740 --> 01:29:10.820
I knew he was Christian, but you know how that is.

1567
01:29:11.040 --> 01:29:11.860
I didn't know.

1568
01:29:11.960 --> 01:29:13.860
So maybe God, maybe it was God's protection.

1569
01:29:14.020 --> 01:29:14.760
Maybe he's not.

1570
01:29:15.020 --> 01:29:17.140
You know, that, that person.

1571
01:29:18.100 --> 01:29:18.780
So, okay.

1572
01:29:18.780 --> 01:29:20.040
Well, thank you.

1573
01:29:20.220 --> 01:29:20.980
I'll go tomorrow.

1574
01:29:21.380 --> 01:29:22.360
Oh, definitely.

1575
01:29:22.640 --> 01:29:23.060
I will.

1576
01:29:23.220 --> 01:29:23.860
I'll post it.

1577
01:29:24.100 --> 01:29:24.540
Thank you.

1578
01:29:24.800 --> 01:29:25.200
All right.

1579
01:29:25.260 --> 01:29:25.860
You're welcome.

1580
01:29:26.520 --> 01:29:27.000
All right.

1581
01:29:27.100 --> 01:29:30.220
Audrey, it's been a long time coming, but we made it.

1582
01:29:32.180 --> 01:29:33.160
Hi, Ebony.

1583
01:29:33.680 --> 01:29:37.800
So yes, I've never shared yet in this group before.

1584
01:29:37.800 --> 01:29:43.920
I've been kind of processing a lot of things and, uh, thanking things.

1585
01:29:43.920 --> 01:29:45.140
I don't have a date yet.

1586
01:29:46.320 --> 01:29:54.060
Um, but I do want to share some of my process with you about what is going on.

1587
01:29:54.520 --> 01:29:55.960
Um, just like thoughts I've had.

1588
01:29:56.220 --> 01:29:56.740
So yeah.

1589
01:29:56.740 --> 01:29:59.380
So I just wanted to do a quick share, but, um,

1590
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.220
So yeah, I haven't been on any dates yet, but I'm like, it's in my mind because I'm like having to rewire my brain a lot.

1591
01:30:06.280 --> 01:30:18.800
Like I haven't dated a lot and I've kind of had the mindset too of like, oh, you know, if they like me, like I might be interested in a guy like, oh, he's cute, you know, or like, oh, I like this about him.

1592
01:30:18.920 --> 01:30:24.320
Or, but I'm like, if he likes me, he'll ask me out, like, you know, even with like smiling and different things like that.

1593
01:30:24.320 --> 01:30:30.580
But I've never like been one to approach guys, drop the hanky, be like, Hey, would you want to get coffee or something like that?

1594
01:30:31.380 --> 01:30:47.000
So now I'm entertaining doing that, like stepping out and initiating conversations, um, you know, with like even text messaging, like reaching out to this guy that I'm, I think he's single, like, um, but it'd be like long distance.

1595
01:30:47.000 --> 01:30:55.760
So like, I'm thinking of like these situations where I'm like, why not just reach out and message message them, you know, and just see like first before, before going online.

1596
01:30:55.880 --> 01:30:57.580
Cause I'm not online yet.

1597
01:30:58.060 --> 01:30:59.760
I'm terrified of going online.

1598
01:31:00.660 --> 01:31:03.460
Um, number one, cause you hear all this bad stuff about it.

1599
01:31:03.520 --> 01:31:04.540
And number two.

1600
01:31:05.420 --> 01:31:06.080
Oh yeah.

1601
01:31:06.120 --> 01:31:06.640
Yeah.

1602
01:31:06.640 --> 01:31:14.940
Number two, like, I'm also just, I think I'm afraid, like, I think the bottom line is fear, but also like with online.

1603
01:31:16.040 --> 01:31:17.940
I'm such an old soul too.

1604
01:31:18.120 --> 01:31:20.480
Like, I'm just like, I hate all this.

1605
01:31:20.600 --> 01:31:22.800
Like, I don't like the ghosting and all this stuff.

1606
01:31:22.840 --> 01:31:25.940
I'm just so, but I'm also like, well, I haven't tried it before.

1607
01:31:25.960 --> 01:31:26.820
I need to try it.

1608
01:31:26.880 --> 01:31:27.540
You know what I mean?

1609
01:31:27.500 --> 01:31:31.600
Like, so, um, so I know I need to do it.

1610
01:31:32.400 --> 01:31:34.880
Um, and, but I think I'm scared too.

1611
01:31:34.880 --> 01:31:39.320
Cause like, I'm, I'm like worried about how emotionally it might affect me.

1612
01:31:39.880 --> 01:31:43.700
Um, because I don't like texting a lot.

1613
01:31:43.760 --> 01:31:50.900
Like I don't like, I don't know, but I like, I like your advice of yeah.

1614
01:31:50.900 --> 01:31:52.980
Message a week and let's meet them in person.

1615
01:31:53.080 --> 01:31:54.460
Let's get this thing going.

1616
01:31:54.540 --> 01:31:56.660
So I'm like, that is a great boundary.

1617
01:31:56.800 --> 01:31:59.220
Like I can hold myself to that.

1618
01:31:59.540 --> 01:32:01.820
Like I can figure this out.

1619
01:32:01.840 --> 01:32:05.700
Like we'll figure this out, but I haven't made my profile yet.

1620
01:32:06.940 --> 01:32:10.220
So I'm just like procrastinating on it, I guess.

1621
01:32:10.600 --> 01:32:14.180
And then the guys that like, I've thought of messaging, I haven't messaged.

1622
01:32:14.440 --> 01:32:19.540
I'm scared, I guess, of rejection, which one guy I did, there was a guy.

1623
01:32:19.960 --> 01:32:21.040
It's been a few years now.

1624
01:32:21.080 --> 01:32:24.560
I did like, just be like, Hey, you want to get for coffee, go out for coffee.

1625
01:32:24.560 --> 01:32:27.920
And it was like a big deal for me to ask him that.

1626
01:32:28.360 --> 01:32:31.040
Um, but it didn't really work out, but that was okay.

1627
01:32:31.040 --> 01:32:33.760
But it was like a, you know, I faced that fear in the moment.

1628
01:32:33.800 --> 01:32:35.680
So I'm like, I know I can do this.

1629
01:32:37.460 --> 01:32:40.240
But, um, I just haven't yet.

1630
01:32:41.180 --> 01:32:44.800
So, but I'm like you, like what you said tonight earlier, you're like, when I have

1631
01:32:44.800 --> 01:32:47.880
a fear, I want to, I want to go ahead and conquer it, you know?

1632
01:32:47.880 --> 01:32:48.940
And I'm like, yes.

1633
01:32:49.620 --> 01:32:51.860
So anyway, that's kind of where I'm at.

1634
01:32:51.860 --> 01:32:54.120
I just wanted to share any thoughts you had.

1635
01:32:54.680 --> 01:32:55.420
Thank you.

1636
01:32:56.620 --> 01:32:59.200
Audrey, thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable.

1637
01:32:59.880 --> 01:33:04.280
Yeah, it is, you know, this fear of rejection, like it's a real thing.

1638
01:33:04.280 --> 01:33:08.540
Nobody on here, unless I don't know them, there's not a woman I've ever talked to

1639
01:33:08.540 --> 01:33:12.120
who didn't have the same fear you have, right?

1640
01:33:12.120 --> 01:33:17.760
The same fear that's confronting you confronting us all and it's not going to

1641
01:33:18.360 --> 01:33:24.660
disappear, but also you guys, um, me and have another, another process going

1642
01:33:24.660 --> 01:33:25.580
through them, right.

1643
01:33:25.760 --> 01:33:29.400
And, but they also have fears of rejection.

1644
01:33:30.140 --> 01:33:35.300
It's a real thing, but they're built, they're the masculine order, right?

1645
01:33:35.300 --> 01:33:39.940
So there's some things that are in them, but, um, it's just, just

1646
01:33:39.940 --> 01:33:41.820
that fear, there's nothing wrong with you.

1647
01:33:42.680 --> 01:33:44.240
It's just what it is.

1648
01:33:44.520 --> 01:33:47.720
And it's only one way to do it, just to do it.

1649
01:33:48.060 --> 01:33:52.400
And so on the dating apps you do have, you don't always have to say something to you

1650
01:33:52.400 --> 01:33:56.100
because if you match with them, if you like them and they like you back, at least

1651
01:33:56.100 --> 01:33:59.420
you know, they liked you, like they were interested.

1652
01:33:59.860 --> 01:34:02.640
And so that a point I started a conversation quick.

1653
01:34:03.700 --> 01:34:05.960
So as soon as we match, I'm like, Hey, how's your day going?

1654
01:34:06.060 --> 01:34:09.220
Because if I don't do it, I'll forget, or I'm not always in an app.

1655
01:34:09.640 --> 01:34:11.640
So I had to get stuff done.

1656
01:34:12.640 --> 01:34:17.020
Um, but they liked you, you liked them, you know, y'all liked each other.

1657
01:34:17.020 --> 01:34:18.660
So at least you got that right.

1658
01:34:18.780 --> 01:34:22.400
And then you just ask them like after a week, go on your coffee date.

1659
01:34:22.400 --> 01:34:27.320
Like you say it, I wouldn't be concerned about if you get too emotionally attached

1660
01:34:27.320 --> 01:34:32.540
to all these other things, that's part of practicing, learning how to organically

1661
01:34:33.120 --> 01:34:38.120
and healthily in a healthy way, get to know a person.

1662
01:34:38.360 --> 01:34:38.840
Yeah.

1663
01:34:38.980 --> 01:34:42.200
And so you got to think before you came to this program, I talk about all these

1664
01:34:42.200 --> 01:34:44.880
different boundaries and things to be the place we will show up and put

1665
01:34:44.880 --> 01:34:49.320
our heart on the platter and now you're afraid of that happening again.

1666
01:34:49.960 --> 01:34:52.620
And then we say, Hey, don't talk about emotional things.

1667
01:34:52.880 --> 01:34:53.520
Don't talk about these.

1668
01:34:53.760 --> 01:34:54.480
Don't talk about that.

1669
01:34:54.720 --> 01:34:57.000
Then you say, well, you need to know.

1670
01:34:57.020 --> 01:34:59.980
I need to know something, but that's what you did before you.

1671
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:01.080
got in the program.

1672
01:35:01.660 --> 01:35:03.480
Then you'll get on the program and do the same thing

1673
01:35:03.480 --> 01:35:05.100
you did before you got in the program.

1674
01:35:06.180 --> 01:35:08.300
But it really is too much.

1675
01:35:09.520 --> 01:35:11.020
So the less, the better.

1676
01:35:11.860 --> 01:35:13.000
Practice getting to know someone,

1677
01:35:13.120 --> 01:35:14.600
because that's the same thing that's going to happen,

1678
01:35:15.760 --> 01:35:17.580
needs to happen when you meet your husband.

1679
01:35:18.100 --> 01:35:21.120
I know we like all these stories that have these fireworks.

1680
01:35:21.740 --> 01:35:24.620
When I met him, it was just like, I knew,

1681
01:35:24.820 --> 01:35:28.240
and the Lord told him, and we were married in a month.

1682
01:35:28.240 --> 01:35:33.300
It's like, and all of us want an Amazon, man,

1683
01:35:33.420 --> 01:35:35.120
and God just do it.

1684
01:35:35.120 --> 01:35:36.440
I know he does it.

1685
01:35:36.720 --> 01:35:38.060
I know he does it.

1686
01:35:38.060 --> 01:35:40.500
But we don't ever sign up to the Lord and say,

1687
01:35:40.420 --> 01:35:43.420
hey, I need, because you don't know what needs

1688
01:35:43.420 --> 01:35:45.040
to be processed out of you if you've never

1689
01:35:45.040 --> 01:35:45.940
been married before.

1690
01:35:46.560 --> 01:35:48.840
And so you think that you're wonderful,

1691
01:35:49.180 --> 01:35:51.120
but ain't nobody but you and Jesus right now.

1692
01:35:51.240 --> 01:35:51.940
He perfect.

1693
01:35:53.660 --> 01:35:55.940
So you've not had any time to be processed,

1694
01:35:55.940 --> 01:35:58.200
there's no time to be triggered to see what actually

1695
01:35:58.200 --> 01:35:59.040
comes out of you.

1696
01:35:59.380 --> 01:36:02.040
But you think, and you're somewhere in your mind,

1697
01:36:02.220 --> 01:36:03.440
that you're wonderful.

1698
01:36:04.200 --> 01:36:05.640
I know I'm going to be OK.

1699
01:36:05.800 --> 01:36:07.620
He just needs to be a man of God,

1700
01:36:07.900 --> 01:36:10.240
and he just needs to be all these things.

1701
01:36:10.300 --> 01:36:13.480
And somewhere in your mind, you believe you're perfect.

1702
01:36:14.900 --> 01:36:17.400
You don't admit it most of the time.

1703
01:36:17.480 --> 01:36:19.480
Or we feel like, hey, I'm good.

1704
01:36:20.660 --> 01:36:21.800
I'm really good.

1705
01:36:21.800 --> 01:36:24.460
God's going to bring the man and da-da-da-da-da.

1706
01:36:27.500 --> 01:36:30.180
But the process is worth it.

1707
01:36:30.380 --> 01:36:32.840
The refining is worth it.

1708
01:36:33.240 --> 01:36:35.820
I believe that when we partner with Jesus in my man,

1709
01:36:35.860 --> 01:36:38.460
when we partner with heaven, we get

1710
01:36:38.460 --> 01:36:41.020
to see a different version of ourselves.

1711
01:36:42.780 --> 01:36:45.840
We get to see that shaped right in front of us.

1712
01:36:45.880 --> 01:36:48.960
We get to be vulnerable and get the sting of rejection.

1713
01:36:48.960 --> 01:36:52.720
And we get to see how we deal with it.

1714
01:36:52.780 --> 01:36:53.660
Do we go eat sugar?

1715
01:36:54.180 --> 01:36:55.020
Do we eat ice cream?

1716
01:36:55.240 --> 01:36:57.860
Do we go talk to somebody else when our hearts are hurt?

1717
01:36:57.960 --> 01:37:00.400
Do we just bounce back and put another person in this space?

1718
01:37:00.760 --> 01:37:02.320
Do we allow people to hold space in us

1719
01:37:02.320 --> 01:37:04.360
because we don't want to feel empty or void?

1720
01:37:04.480 --> 01:37:06.360
Or do we actually run to God?

1721
01:37:06.600 --> 01:37:07.500
Why does that matter?

1722
01:37:07.560 --> 01:37:09.600
Because when you get married, your husband

1723
01:37:09.600 --> 01:37:10.580
is going to break your heart.

1724
01:37:10.640 --> 01:37:11.700
He's going to be the person you have

1725
01:37:11.700 --> 01:37:13.200
to forgive more than anybody else.

1726
01:37:13.240 --> 01:37:15.180
He's going to be the person you have to show more grace to

1727
01:37:15.180 --> 01:37:15.880
than anybody else.

1728
01:37:16.080 --> 01:37:17.100
He's going to be the person you have

1729
01:37:17.100 --> 01:37:18.940
to show more forgiveness to than anybody else.

1730
01:37:18.940 --> 01:37:21.640
The closer people get to you and your heart,

1731
01:37:22.040 --> 01:37:23.820
the more triggers and things pop up.

1732
01:37:24.100 --> 01:37:25.800
That's just the nature of it.

1733
01:37:25.920 --> 01:37:28.740
That's why a child can go out with somebody else

1734
01:37:28.740 --> 01:37:29.440
and not cry.

1735
01:37:29.600 --> 01:37:31.280
But when they're at home, their mama, whatever she say,

1736
01:37:31.380 --> 01:37:32.620
they fall out on the floor and cry.

1737
01:37:32.800 --> 01:37:36.160
Because they're the person they feel the safest with.

1738
01:37:36.480 --> 01:37:38.320
So she gets all of them.

1739
01:37:40.020 --> 01:37:41.620
And you know, some people be like,

1740
01:37:41.680 --> 01:37:43.240
they don't act like that when they with me.

1741
01:37:43.340 --> 01:37:44.840
Their mama just got them spoiled.

1742
01:37:45.260 --> 01:37:46.320
That's not the case.

1743
01:37:46.380 --> 01:37:48.340
They feel most safe with their parents.

1744
01:37:48.340 --> 01:37:50.580
So their parents get all of their behavior.

1745
01:37:51.320 --> 01:37:51.960
That make sense?

1746
01:37:52.960 --> 01:37:56.040
And so good night, Ashley.

1747
01:37:56.300 --> 01:37:59.180
So that's what I'm trying to say to you.

1748
01:37:59.300 --> 01:38:02.220
So I want to encourage you to take the journey

1749
01:38:02.560 --> 01:38:04.580
and do it while you're in community.

1750
01:38:05.500 --> 01:38:07.080
And you're God defended.

1751
01:38:07.200 --> 01:38:08.920
And I know you've heard these things before,

1752
01:38:08.960 --> 01:38:10.680
but it does well to hear it again.

1753
01:38:11.160 --> 01:38:14.240
All these ladies on this call, we're doing the same thing.

1754
01:38:14.280 --> 01:38:15.900
I've done the same thing.

1755
01:38:16.640 --> 01:38:19.000
And you can take it slow and at your own pace.

1756
01:38:19.220 --> 01:38:21.740
But it's something about when you get an in-person date

1757
01:38:22.300 --> 01:38:30.200
and you get cute and you go out, it tells you that you want it

1758
01:38:30.260 --> 01:38:31.320
and you're desired.

1759
01:38:31.980 --> 01:38:33.980
It has nothing to do with sex.

1760
01:38:34.100 --> 01:38:35.640
Just going on a date feels good.

1761
01:38:35.980 --> 01:38:37.980
Who can attest by the raising of your hand

1762
01:38:37.980 --> 01:38:39.800
how good it feels when you go on a date?

1763
01:38:42.240 --> 01:38:44.700
It just feels good.

1764
01:38:44.700 --> 01:38:45.720
It's just nice.

1765
01:38:47.200 --> 01:38:50.020
It makes you feel like a little dainty woman.

1766
01:38:53.920 --> 01:38:56.240
Especially when you're doing it with the Lord.

1767
01:38:57.180 --> 01:38:58.860
And I'm not saying don't feel that way when

1768
01:38:58.860 --> 01:38:59.520
you're not with the Lord.

1769
01:38:59.840 --> 01:39:03.020
But I'm just saying, it's just different.

1770
01:39:03.920 --> 01:39:05.840
So I hope that encourages you.

1771
01:39:05.980 --> 01:39:07.640
There's nothing wrong with you.

1772
01:39:07.800 --> 01:39:09.380
It's just part of the process.

1773
01:39:10.180 --> 01:39:10.700
Yes.

1774
01:39:11.140 --> 01:39:12.240
Yes, it does.

1775
01:39:12.360 --> 01:39:13.240
I'm going to get started.

1776
01:39:13.240 --> 01:39:14.500
I'm going to get started.

1777
01:39:14.500 --> 01:39:16.320
OK, sounds good.

1778
01:39:17.280 --> 01:39:17.860
Thank you.

1779
01:39:18.260 --> 01:39:19.020
You're welcome.

1780
01:39:20.180 --> 01:39:20.480
Joanne.

1781
01:39:22.800 --> 01:39:25.460
Hello, this is my first time too.

1782
01:39:25.800 --> 01:39:26.520
Welcome.

1783
01:39:27.700 --> 01:39:29.140
Thank you.

1784
01:39:29.460 --> 01:39:29.980
You're welcome.

1785
01:39:30.660 --> 01:39:34.720
Yeah, to be honest, I felt some Greek.

1786
01:39:34.880 --> 01:39:37.820
I'm turning 46 in a few hours.

1787
01:39:39.320 --> 01:39:41.580
So thank you.

1788
01:39:42.560 --> 01:39:45.480
I would say hope deferred makes the heart sick.

1789
01:39:45.680 --> 01:39:47.240
I think that's how I feel.

1790
01:39:48.000 --> 01:39:50.600
Like, I just like, oh, I thought I'd be married with kids.

1791
01:39:50.680 --> 01:39:52.060
I'm sure many people can relate.

1792
01:39:52.320 --> 01:39:55.280
But I think when I'm just giving some context,

1793
01:39:55.380 --> 01:39:57.520
I feel a little burnt out of dating.

1794
01:39:58.840 --> 01:39:59.980
I'm thankful that I'm single.

1795
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:07.020
I do have dates and, you know, but nobody seems to be aligned.

1796
01:40:08.040 --> 01:40:10.020
Um, I get discouraged about that.

1797
01:40:10.340 --> 01:40:15.200
And I think I want to address, uh, like a situation you, you commented about it.

1798
01:40:15.200 --> 01:40:20.080
Like I reconnected with this guy who I had matched with like a year ago.

1799
01:40:20.080 --> 01:40:23.680
And then, um, we're in the same Christian circles apparently.

1800
01:40:23.780 --> 01:40:27.640
And then he told me he likes me still like, like, I don't know, it's been a year.

1801
01:40:28.140 --> 01:40:34.940
And I did get on a phone call with him and last night, and I'm just, I just, I'm

1802
01:40:34.940 --> 01:40:37.340
just not, I'm just, I wasn't feeling it.

1803
01:40:37.420 --> 01:40:42.240
I mean, I mean, there's a way I describe is like, he's like really good on paper,

1804
01:40:42.240 --> 01:40:44.780
but it's just like, he's trying so hard.

1805
01:40:44.800 --> 01:40:49.000
It feels like I'm talking to chat GPT, like I'm serious.

1806
01:40:49.740 --> 01:40:52.920
And I mean, I'm just like, I feel drained.

1807
01:40:53.160 --> 01:40:56.420
And, but then I was talking to my counselor this morning and she's like,

1808
01:40:56.420 --> 01:40:59.980
I feel like, yeah, your hope meter is very low.

1809
01:41:00.140 --> 01:41:00.960
You're very exhausted.

1810
01:41:01.620 --> 01:41:05.340
And so you're not really giving much like grace for men.

1811
01:41:05.420 --> 01:41:12.980
Like, but I feel like I used to, I would just be so open and like give many guys a

1812
01:41:13.580 --> 01:41:13.600
chance.

1813
01:41:13.760 --> 01:41:16.340
And now I'm just like, well, I don't want to do that anymore.

1814
01:41:16.340 --> 01:41:17.540
I don't want to waste time.

1815
01:41:17.540 --> 01:41:18.680
I'm almost 46.

1816
01:41:18.780 --> 01:41:20.160
I'm pretty much almost for it.

1817
01:41:20.160 --> 01:41:23.820
I'm like, so I feel like I'm trusting my gut more, you know?

1818
01:41:23.820 --> 01:41:29.560
And not like going against like what I, what I like or don't like, but at the same

1819
01:41:29.560 --> 01:41:34.620
time, I have this like, well, am I being gracious enough?

1820
01:41:35.280 --> 01:41:40.720
Like, you know, like I think there's a tendency to be like double minded and I

1821
01:41:40.720 --> 01:41:41.960
don't want to be double minded.

1822
01:41:42.500 --> 01:41:49.100
Like, and I'm very prophetic and I'm very discerning and I'm a much more healed, but

1823
01:41:49.100 --> 01:41:52.660
I think there's still like these like wounded lenses.

1824
01:41:52.660 --> 01:41:57.980
And so I can discern something, but it could be like, like, you know, negative.

1825
01:41:59.540 --> 01:42:02.200
So, so anyways, I'm sifting through all that.

1826
01:42:02.380 --> 01:42:06.300
And so I'm like, I don't know, maybe I should just like not date.

1827
01:42:06.400 --> 01:42:07.420
I don't know.

1828
01:42:08.360 --> 01:42:13.540
It's just like a very, I just feel like, you know, there's the prophetic side of me.

1829
01:42:13.560 --> 01:42:17.260
That's like, God is able and I trust him.

1830
01:42:17.260 --> 01:42:19.440
I believe him, but I don't.

1831
01:42:20.240 --> 01:42:24.920
Like the reality is it's hasn't happened and it's not.

1832
01:42:25.060 --> 01:42:29.920
And then I'm like, okay, well, I don't, I'm just kind of in this space.

1833
01:42:30.320 --> 01:42:30.760
Yeah.

1834
01:42:32.320 --> 01:42:32.760
Yeah.

1835
01:42:32.760 --> 01:42:34.720
How long have you been on this journey?

1836
01:42:35.660 --> 01:42:37.020
Very, very long.

1837
01:42:37.080 --> 01:42:40.100
Like, so like I've never been married and don't, you know, don't have kids.

1838
01:42:40.140 --> 01:42:41.320
I would love to have kids.

1839
01:42:41.420 --> 01:42:44.840
My last relationship was like almost two years ago.

1840
01:42:47.160 --> 01:42:53.980
Um, and yeah, so gone lots and lots and lots of dates, you know, I don't

1841
01:42:53.980 --> 01:42:55.420
think I have a problem going on dates.

1842
01:42:56.060 --> 01:43:00.660
It's like, I just want the right person.

1843
01:43:01.100 --> 01:43:07.480
And I'm like, okay, do I, I mean with Tony, this guy, I, I'm not feeling it,

1844
01:43:07.500 --> 01:43:11.340
but I'm like, maybe I should just, you know, say, I just want to be friends.

1845
01:43:11.340 --> 01:43:12.600
I'll just be friends with you.

1846
01:43:12.700 --> 01:43:15.640
And then I don't know, you know?

1847
01:43:15.820 --> 01:43:18.280
Well, I mean, how long have you been getting to know him?

1848
01:43:19.120 --> 01:43:24.520
Well, I haven't really been getting to know him because we didn't talk.

1849
01:43:24.680 --> 01:43:26.120
We haven't talked for months.

1850
01:43:26.120 --> 01:43:28.320
Like all we match on his site.

1851
01:43:28.360 --> 01:43:30.180
And then I said, no, I'm not into this.

1852
01:43:30.620 --> 01:43:33.460
Like, no, I don't, I don't, I don't want to confirm nice way.

1853
01:43:33.480 --> 01:43:33.920
No.

1854
01:43:33.940 --> 01:43:36.180
And then I saw him at all these single events.

1855
01:43:36.200 --> 01:43:38.020
I'm like, oh, okay, cool.

1856
01:43:38.020 --> 01:43:38.820
That's cool.

1857
01:43:38.820 --> 01:43:43.620
And then I, we didn't talk, but then out of the blue, he's like, I just don't like

1858
01:43:43.700 --> 01:43:46.700
you, like, I would like to catch up.

1859
01:43:46.720 --> 01:43:50.920
And I'm all like, remember I wrote that on that, um, in the comment.

1860
01:43:51.120 --> 01:43:52.640
And so I was like, okay.

1861
01:43:52.780 --> 01:43:55.920
But then I'm like, I still feel the same way.

1862
01:43:55.920 --> 01:43:57.660
Like this is draining.

1863
01:43:58.040 --> 01:44:00.600
Oh, so what's the problem with them?

1864
01:44:00.600 --> 01:44:01.460
What's happening.

1865
01:44:01.760 --> 01:44:06.840
It's like, it's too intense, too fast.

1866
01:44:06.840 --> 01:44:10.160
And I kind of tried to tell him that like, this is a very deep and

1867
01:44:10.820 --> 01:44:12.260
what is he doing?

1868
01:44:12.340 --> 01:44:13.280
Give me examples.

1869
01:44:16.560 --> 01:44:23.420
Oh, he just, he just talks like, so like even our first few conversations, like

1870
01:44:23.500 --> 01:44:30.840
he, it was too much like talking about our past trauma and I take ownership.

1871
01:44:30.860 --> 01:44:33.800
I asked him a lot of questions and I shared some stuff, but he

1872
01:44:33.800 --> 01:44:35.900
would share like a lot, you know?

1873
01:44:36.420 --> 01:44:42.260
And it's not like he's totally talking like as deeply about his traumas, but

1874
01:44:42.260 --> 01:44:44.460
he always wants to like dig really deep.

1875
01:44:44.560 --> 01:44:48.080
And I love deep, but it's like too much too soon for me.

1876
01:44:48.120 --> 01:44:49.580
And I try to tell him that.

1877
01:44:49.760 --> 01:44:52.000
And then it feels like he's not very confident.

1878
01:44:52.140 --> 01:44:53.980
Like he's always asking me permission.

1879
01:44:54.720 --> 01:44:58.540
Like, Joanne, is it okay if I ask you questions?

1880
01:44:59.100 --> 01:44:59.940
Of course.

1881
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:01.900
It's okay for you to ask me questions.

1882
01:45:02.100 --> 01:45:04.620
Or like, is it okay if I text you tomorrow?

1883
01:45:04.780 --> 01:45:06.600
And I'm like, yeah, you should just do,

1884
01:45:06.960 --> 01:45:08.580
you know, and I'll tell you when I'm comfortable

1885
01:45:08.580 --> 01:45:09.220
and when I'm not comfortable.

1886
01:45:10.240 --> 01:45:10.680
Okay.

1887
01:45:10.960 --> 01:45:13.940
So what do you think initiated your first,

1888
01:45:14.460 --> 01:45:17.180
when you first started talking about deep things with him?

1889
01:45:17.860 --> 01:45:19.100
Was it just a mistake

1890
01:45:19.100 --> 01:45:21.160
or the conversation kind of went that way?

1891
01:45:22.700 --> 01:45:23.740
I don't even remember.

1892
01:45:23.820 --> 01:45:24.620
It was like a year ago.

1893
01:45:24.680 --> 01:45:25.320
I think it was just-

1894
01:45:25.960 --> 01:45:26.840
Oh, okay.

1895
01:45:26.840 --> 01:45:28.100
You talked to him a year ago.

1896
01:45:28.100 --> 01:45:29.900
How far did y'all make it a year ago?

1897
01:45:31.760 --> 01:45:33.420
Wait a minute, how far did I make it a year ago?

1898
01:45:33.420 --> 01:45:34.860
You talked to him a year ago.

1899
01:45:35.300 --> 01:45:37.260
How long did y'all get to know each other?

1900
01:45:39.000 --> 01:45:39.540
I didn't really,

1901
01:45:39.600 --> 01:45:42.400
I only had a few conversations and a lot of texting

1902
01:45:42.400 --> 01:45:44.000
and I was like, okay, this is not gonna work.

1903
01:45:44.080 --> 01:45:44.620
For how long?

1904
01:45:45.640 --> 01:45:47.560
Maybe like a few weeks.

1905
01:45:48.700 --> 01:45:49.800
And then, yeah.

1906
01:45:50.080 --> 01:45:50.080


1907
01:45:50.780 --> 01:45:51.020
Uh-huh.

1908
01:45:51.140 --> 01:45:51.620
What was that?

1909
01:45:53.480 --> 01:45:53.880
Sorry.

1910
01:45:54.500 --> 01:45:55.940
Why did y'all stop talking?

1911
01:45:56.260 --> 01:45:57.120
I was interested.

1912
01:45:57.120 --> 01:45:58.700
I told him I'm not interested

1913
01:45:58.800 --> 01:46:01.420
because I felt like there was too much like dysfunction,

1914
01:46:01.880 --> 01:46:03.300
like woundedness from him.

1915
01:46:03.540 --> 01:46:04.100
Like-

1916
01:46:04.100 --> 01:46:04.100


1917
01:46:04.160 --> 01:46:05.500
He's super pleasing,

1918
01:46:05.940 --> 01:46:07.780
told me like his attachment style,

1919
01:46:07.840 --> 01:46:08.660
like he's avoided,

1920
01:46:09.320 --> 01:46:09.980
all this stuff.

1921
01:46:10.160 --> 01:46:10.880
And I was like-

1922
01:46:10.880 --> 01:46:11.180
Okay.

1923
01:46:11.180 --> 01:46:12.180
So a year later,

1924
01:46:12.220 --> 01:46:14.100
you decided to talk to him again.

1925
01:46:14.420 --> 01:46:15.440
Well, he wanted to talk.

1926
01:46:15.600 --> 01:46:16.300
I said, okay, fine.

1927
01:46:16.320 --> 01:46:17.720
So I talked to him last night.

1928
01:46:17.720 --> 01:46:18.920
But when you talked to him

1929
01:46:18.920 --> 01:46:20.500
and you've been talking to him about a week,

1930
01:46:20.740 --> 01:46:23.060
he's still the same person he was a year ago.

1931
01:46:23.340 --> 01:46:25.560
He's different in the sense that he told me

1932
01:46:25.560 --> 01:46:27.080
he's in Al-Anon now.

1933
01:46:27.500 --> 01:46:29.100
He's more social.

1934
01:46:29.900 --> 01:46:30.960
He's in a therapy,

1935
01:46:31.100 --> 01:46:32.120
which is awesome.

1936
01:46:32.180 --> 01:46:34.060
And he's like more content with his life.

1937
01:46:34.120 --> 01:46:38.680
But then the vibe of the conversation was still that sense.

1938
01:46:38.980 --> 01:46:39.940
Oh, okay.

1939
01:46:41.020 --> 01:46:41.500
Yeah.

1940
01:46:41.500 --> 01:46:42.940
I didn't have the-

1941
01:46:42.940 --> 01:46:44.720
So I needed the pieces to make sense of this.

1942
01:46:45.160 --> 01:46:47.060
So yeah, you're just gonna have to tell him like,

1943
01:46:47.260 --> 01:46:49.120
hey, I talked back to you again

1944
01:46:49.120 --> 01:46:49.820
just to see,

1945
01:46:50.120 --> 01:46:50.540
to catch up,

1946
01:46:50.540 --> 01:46:51.380
to see things different.

1947
01:46:51.380 --> 01:46:53.020
But I still feel that vibe.

1948
01:46:53.500 --> 01:46:53.880
You know,

1949
01:46:53.880 --> 01:46:56.340
I don't know how to exactly explain it to you,

1950
01:46:56.400 --> 01:46:59.560
but I'm not interested in us doing anything romantically.

1951
01:47:01.180 --> 01:47:01.180


1952
01:47:01.180 --> 01:47:02.700
So you don't think I'm being like,

1953
01:47:04.120 --> 01:47:06.660
like not being gracious enough

1954
01:47:06.660 --> 01:47:08.880
because I'm like just hope deferred.

1955
01:47:08.960 --> 01:47:10.080
I'm just tired of dating.

1956
01:47:10.240 --> 01:47:11.500
I'm just like,

1957
01:47:12.180 --> 01:47:12.780
like-

1958
01:47:12.820 --> 01:47:14.500
What gracious enough mean?

1959
01:47:16.500 --> 01:47:19.660
Like giving this guy a chance, you know,

1960
01:47:19.660 --> 01:47:23.780
like am I being too strict and too harsh?

1961
01:47:24.100 --> 01:47:25.320
I mean-

1962
01:47:25.540 --> 01:47:28.440
Gracious is like to be grateful for something.

1963
01:47:28.740 --> 01:47:30.420
What does gracious mean for you?

1964
01:47:33.340 --> 01:47:33.900
Like,

1965
01:47:36.460 --> 01:47:38.240
like giving the benefits out.

1966
01:47:38.660 --> 01:47:41.040
Like, I guess it's a different situation.

1967
01:47:41.040 --> 01:47:42.160
Like giving the benefits out.

1968
01:47:42.160 --> 01:47:42.560
Like, you know,

1969
01:47:42.560 --> 01:47:45.100
I also mentioned there was a guy who was supposed to,

1970
01:47:45.120 --> 01:47:46.040
I talked on the phone

1971
01:47:46.040 --> 01:47:49.320
and he was just getting postponing and getting interrupted.

1972
01:47:49.320 --> 01:47:52.060
And I felt like gracious would be like,

1973
01:47:52.120 --> 01:47:54.740
oh, give a guy a chance if he missed his call

1974
01:47:54.740 --> 01:47:56.600
or he was not really-

1975
01:47:56.600 --> 01:47:56.600


1976
01:47:57.440 --> 01:47:59.320
Like gracious, like give him a chance.

1977
01:48:00.040 --> 01:48:02.260
Like, you know, you don't know the guy.

1978
01:48:03.160 --> 01:48:03.480
Like-

1979
01:48:03.480 --> 01:48:04.220
Okay, got you.

1980
01:48:04.700 --> 01:48:06.620
So, a couple of things can happen.

1981
01:48:09.420 --> 01:48:11.040
You can set the pace.

1982
01:48:11.960 --> 01:48:14.040
You can accept that he's intense

1983
01:48:14.420 --> 01:48:16.180
because some people are intense.

1984
01:48:16.180 --> 01:48:18.000
You can make a decision

1985
01:48:18.000 --> 01:48:19.400
about what you're going to talk about.

1986
01:48:20.180 --> 01:48:21.040
You can set that boundary.

1987
01:48:21.800 --> 01:48:23.260
I would lean,

1988
01:48:23.580 --> 01:48:26.660
I would not lean real heavy on chopping things,

1989
01:48:27.040 --> 01:48:27.920
chopping him up a lot.

1990
01:48:28.340 --> 01:48:29.080
Like, well, look,

1991
01:48:29.420 --> 01:48:31.040
like when he started asking you about things,

1992
01:48:31.040 --> 01:48:33.180
he's asking you this because at some point,

1993
01:48:33.320 --> 01:48:34.880
maybe, you can tell me if I'm wrong,

1994
01:48:35.140 --> 01:48:36.460
he got an understanding

1995
01:48:36.460 --> 01:48:38.040
that there are certain things you don't want to do

1996
01:48:38.040 --> 01:48:39.060
and certain things you do want to do.

1997
01:48:39.120 --> 01:48:41.680
So he's going to err on the side of caution and just ask you,

1998
01:48:42.460 --> 01:48:43.980
do you okay if we talk about this?

1999
01:48:44.160 --> 01:48:45.480
If we're okay if we talk about this?

2000
01:48:45.480 --> 01:48:46.960
And you're like, look, don't do that.

2001
01:48:47.200 --> 01:48:48.660
I'll tell you what I don't want to talk about.

2002
01:48:49.400 --> 01:48:51.180
But him wanting to impress you

2003
01:48:51.180 --> 01:48:53.760
just keeps asking, what do you want to talk about this?

2004
01:48:54.140 --> 01:48:55.040
Is this too much?

2005
01:48:55.360 --> 01:48:56.420
That's a possibility.

2006
01:48:56.960 --> 01:48:59.600
If you keep feeding him what you want

2007
01:48:59.600 --> 01:49:00.800
and what you don't want,

2008
01:49:00.900 --> 01:49:03.540
you're going to keep getting questions like that.

2009
01:49:04.020 --> 01:49:06.440
If you want to give him an opportunity

2010
01:49:07.660 --> 01:49:09.200
to get to know him,

2011
01:49:09.240 --> 01:49:11.440
then you're going to have to do just that

2012
01:49:11.440 --> 01:49:13.320
and just let him show up.

2013
01:49:14.200 --> 01:49:16.980
So you won't adjust him to what you like.

2014
01:49:18.460 --> 01:49:23.020
Take the next two weeks and let him show up as he is.

2015
01:49:24.000 --> 01:49:26.020
Accept him for who he is

2016
01:49:26.240 --> 01:49:29.780
so that you could get a good measurement of who he is.

2017
01:49:31.100 --> 01:49:33.660
Because two weeks is not going to cost you much.

2018
01:49:33.980 --> 01:49:35.100
You already don't like him.

2019
01:49:35.120 --> 01:49:37.280
So it's not like some huge emotional attachment

2020
01:49:37.280 --> 01:49:37.960
is going to happen.

2021
01:49:38.820 --> 01:49:40.900
You're basically tolerating him.

2022
01:49:40.900 --> 01:49:44.240
So if that's the way you want to go.

2023
01:49:45.660 --> 01:49:47.840
So either you want to give two weeks to him,

2024
01:49:48.040 --> 01:49:49.740
let him show up and be who he is,

2025
01:49:50.240 --> 01:49:52.400
go out on a coffee date, go to lunch, go to dinner,

2026
01:49:52.520 --> 01:49:55.140
and get to know him a little bit better for where he is.

2027
01:49:55.720 --> 01:49:58.320
Knowing your mind, you're just getting to know him.

2028
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.320
then at the end of those two weeks you can make a decision if you want to get to know him more

2029
01:50:05.340 --> 01:50:13.160
the other is i never even allowed him to take me on a date well it's okay this is a new opportunity

2030
01:50:13.960 --> 01:50:20.080
so right um this is a new opportunity and so you can kind of surrender to that process of

2031
01:50:20.080 --> 01:50:28.100
getting to know him for who he is don't adjust him that's not fair that's not how that works

2032
01:50:28.100 --> 01:50:35.440
and then um and you're not gonna be the just anybody you marry you're gonna be miserable

2033
01:50:35.440 --> 01:50:40.960
i don't care how much either one of y'all hear from the good lord anybody that comes in somebody

2034
01:50:40.960 --> 01:50:48.620
life just like if i came over to you and start moving parts around to suit me it doesn't work

2035
01:50:49.340 --> 01:50:55.140
it doesn't don't work people don't that's offensive everybody wants to be seen heard

2036
01:50:55.140 --> 01:51:00.880
and known for who they are and accepted for who they are right and so you could say take the next

2037
01:51:00.880 --> 01:51:09.740
two weeks it's only a little bit about you know after that understanding that i had heard from

2038
01:51:09.740 --> 01:51:18.420
the lord and so i think that he's i'm on my season that i had and all these things um all right

2039
01:51:18.420 --> 01:51:25.160
but you can do that the other option is go ahead and say sorry

2040
01:51:28.160 --> 01:51:33.840
but but what i don't want you to do is stay in your head about am i being too great and i've

2041
01:51:33.840 --> 01:51:39.140
been gracious enough am i being this because is it me i'm tired am i so tired that i'm acting like

2042
01:51:39.180 --> 01:51:47.420
this just stop that makes you tired i am a believer that whatever the holy spirit wants you to see and

2043
01:51:47.420 --> 01:51:55.240
he is going to show you period he's not going to miss the mark because he don't miss the mark

2044
01:51:56.060 --> 01:52:00.760
but you keep drilling yourself do you think this is this do you think this is this do you

2045
01:52:00.760 --> 01:52:03.740
think it's this it don't matter let the chips fall what they made

2046
01:52:06.800 --> 01:52:11.640
you get to know them and in the process get to know yourself

2047
01:52:14.500 --> 01:52:21.220
okay well if you if i choose the route of like okay let me just get to know him do you think i

2048
01:52:21.220 --> 01:52:25.960
should just allow him to take me out i've never had him take me out a day i don't even know it's

2049
01:52:25.960 --> 01:52:32.760
just all like virtual or groups you know yeah you need to go out with somebody joey how you gonna

2050
01:52:32.760 --> 01:52:40.760
get a husband you'll never go out i don't know i just like honestly i mean these are also part of

2051
01:52:40.760 --> 01:52:47.920
kind of reminds me of like my past like someone who's avoiding oh he reminds me of past guys

2052
01:52:47.920 --> 01:52:52.440
because he kind of told me he has a tendency to be like people pleasing and then like

2053
01:52:52.880 --> 01:52:59.160
bye you know like i'm not i don't like something i'm just not confronting but so i'm like

2054
01:53:00.960 --> 01:53:05.960
well you know i think that you shouldn't concern yourself with that if you you're going to get to

2055
01:53:06.220 --> 01:53:11.340
him you need to go ahead and say you know ask them like hey when is a good time for us to meet

2056
01:53:11.340 --> 01:53:16.500
up for coffee and just go for the date i mean it really doesn't matter if he's a people pleaser

2057
01:53:16.500 --> 01:53:21.520
thing he avoids because you're not evaluating him on that level right now you're just dating

2058
01:53:21.520 --> 01:53:25.580
for discovery if none of that even it's nothing has nothing to do with you

2059
01:53:30.600 --> 01:53:34.300
those things don't matter because you remember that you are already sitting on the fence

2060
01:53:34.780 --> 01:53:40.760
you say you don't want the man but you give him an opportunity to get to know him and so if you

2061
01:53:40.760 --> 01:53:44.420
were telling me that you want to be emotionally invested in him it'll be a totally different

2062
01:53:44.440 --> 01:53:50.040
conversation right now not if a person tells you that you if you're if your heart is getting

2063
01:53:50.040 --> 01:53:54.680
attached to them and they've already told you that they have a tendency to be avoiding or a

2064
01:53:54.680 --> 01:53:58.540
tendency to please and then walk away then we'll be having a different conversation so i'm just

2065
01:53:58.540 --> 01:54:03.660
saying that for everybody to hear but she's not at that stage and she's at the very beginning

2066
01:54:04.680 --> 01:54:07.220
with one foot already at the door

2067
01:54:11.080 --> 01:54:13.900
so let us know how the coffee date goes this week

2068
01:54:15.820 --> 01:54:21.180
okay we'll see i'll pray on it and then i'll let you know if i do whatever yeah i'll let you know

2069
01:54:21.180 --> 01:54:23.820
thank you you're welcome

2070
01:54:25.400 --> 01:54:31.520
okay ladies it has been wonderful i hope that you all rest well i think i got everybody because i

2071
01:54:31.520 --> 01:54:37.780
don't see any more um yes we are invested too that's right pamela we all invested in this

2072
01:54:39.700 --> 01:54:46.840
we need to know michelle it's so good to see you tonight thank you yeah you're welcome michelle

2073
01:54:46.840 --> 01:54:50.980
good to see you good to see you too sarah i don't ever get to see your face so that's awesome good

2074
01:54:50.980 --> 01:54:53.700
to see you laura and sarah jt

2075
01:54:55.800 --> 01:54:59.800
all right ladies you have a good night we'll see you next time and post on the page

2076
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:01.100
Okay, thanks.

2077
01:55:01.920 --> 01:55:16.420
One thing i'm going to be making like i'm gonna do a live i'm gonna go live and ask you guys to give me an update under that post, I want us to do that because we usually have sometimes like 50 women, and so I want us to start doing updates through the week, so we can.

2078
01:55:18.020 --> 01:55:20.020
get more done more quickly.

2079
01:55:21.840 --> 01:55:22.800
Thanks yeah.

2080
01:55:23.280 --> 01:55:23.480
Thank you.

2081
01:55:24.240 --> 01:55:25.820
you're welcome all right good night ladies.

2082
01:55:26.180 --> 01:55:28.780
Have a great night bye everyone bye.