I got in late today so I'm here yay okay so I am excited to see all y'all
tonight let us just pray oh we got a full house father god I thank you for
each and every one of these amazing ladies I thank you for this opportunity
that we have to come together and to get solutions from heaven for our journey
that you we are partnering with you on we are not alone I speak to every heart
in this zoom on tonight I speak faith to your heart where you've become weary I
speak hope to every place of doubt and frustration and I declare that this
journey is one that Jesus is definitely with you on you are not alone I don't
care how long you feel I don't care how many likes you don't get back how many
you send out how many don't stop for you it only takes one and I'm so glad
that we already have the one that is gonna lead us to the one because we do
not have the tools or the equipment to pick out what's best for our lives so we
love you Jesus and we thank you amen all right so just a couple reminders it's
kind of warm if this is your first time with us um be sure to watch the videos
all of the teachings they're so good if this is your first time with us at 8
o'clock coaching call wave your hand yeah hey Katie we're happy to have you
Oh Elizabeth I see okay Karen Emily it's so good to have y'all um we're excited
making sure I got everybody here um this is your time I just want to tell
you this um you don't have to be dating use a little one o'clock with Carla oh
she's a treat you don't have to be dating this is all about you so we know
that you've just come out of hard work and there are a lot of things that the
Lord is refining in your life a lot of practice you get to have in everyday
life and so you want to show you want to come you want this to be your space even
on the community wall right down what you're struggling with nobody is far
removed if they're not in this space far removed from those experiences
there's not an experience that anybody has posted that I cannot relate to
because us as women we're just not that far apart from each other in the way we
think I was just reminiscing and I was gonna tell y'all this I was just
reminiscing the other day when I was talking to this guy that I met through a
dating app and I did not like him and I was afraid to tell him I didn't want to
anymore so I would talk to him every day dreading how he looked I don't want to
talk to you anymore like I believe the lie that I don't want to hurt him I
don't want him to think this about me I don't want to think here you know it's
like all these well I don't want him to think that and I don't want him to think
this and I was just like oh my goodness that was me you know it takes the Lord
to take us back down memory lane you know and so that's how I you know I say
that we once we go through the program and through the process and still live
day living out of hard work and growing that is just the truth we've been there
done it you know been there had that experience we know how it feels and trust
me I and this this guy was on the video just vaping vaping away and I'm like I
do and he was ugly I was like it wouldn't come out so cuz I was believing
so many lies about you know I wouldn't want him I do this to me I want about
it it's like all of these things misappropriated perceptions putting
things in the wrong space but anyway so this is your space to be you I'm in it to
encourage your other sisters and to enjoy and so anytime somebody's saying
something you want to encourage them in the chat go for continue to post on the
community wall because we want to process with you it's a lot of us here
at eight o'clock and so sometimes we don't get a chance to get to do
everything fully but once you guys to start posting so we can really start
piecing through some things but some things are just hard to do through
typing oh my facial expression gets lost my heart you can't hear it through words
so it could opportunity for offense you have to really know a person hard to
know like oh she's just joking oh no no surely she didn't mean it that way right
but anyway watch her videos they're so good it's such good teaching and show up
and even when you think you got the one on the hook you're gonna feel tempted to
be like okay I got this stay connected I know how to tempt you're gonna be
Like I thought there's nothing like a woman when she thinks she got a man, baby
Way, you can't tell her nothing
Everything go out the window
Especially when they say they know they know it's God it's over then and don't let them have some type of confirmation
Three or four not three confirmations is over and if three one for the father son and the Holy Spirit
And then you can tell her that's it
so
So listen
Listen stay connected. We want to help you process all the way through
I have been in great relationships up to six months and seven months
They were one of the wonderful men of God that I've had to part ways with
Not because they did something to me or but you realize after you get past the third month the fourth month things slow down
And you see people in that a wedding you see people like you start to see things
It's like I'll do they really carry like the last relationship. He didn't carry what I need what was needed to champion me
He didn't carry what was needed to sharpen the ebony that is kingdom
Like there are things the parts of me that have to be aligned correctly
This is what I'm about to he speak in tongues of prophesy
He wasn't equipped to carry his level masculinity needed to grow some more
He had a level masculinity, but it wasn't to the level of ebony that I needed for me. And so
You know, it's just like you learn things and it's things and it hurts but you know, so stay connected
I'm gonna give you a lot of time. All of it is ours
But you know, I want to say that to you and we're here for you. We want to see you do well
That being said if you are a new member guys, please remember I see you man
I please remember you guys that we don't post anything from outside sources
And if you do will will delete it, but it's not offensively
We delete it because it needs to be vetted out before it's put in the community because someone can become offended
It can hurt their feelings
It could give someone the wrong ideas and they think because it is posted in the community that it must come from the community
Well, that's not true
And so you want to get it approved by the admin?
Bethany send it through Bethany or send an email and ask them to approve it before we post it
So I want to give you an example. Maybe your pastor preaching a message
Maybe somebody else
Preaching a message or some post that you saw was really good and you wanted to share it
If it's not one of Jackie's posts, I will just encourage you to send it through admin and let them check it out first
So many things could happen in the process
You know and it could just backfire a lot more than your processing you think oh, it's just gonna help
This is so encouraging but so much stuff could get twisted all around
So it's just best to
Do it this way. Um
and so
Any other thoughts about that?
Yeah, I don't know what order y'all put y'all hands up. They went up so fast
I didn't expect it after Manda went in y'all like oh, no
But anyway, okay, let's go go for Mandy I
I
Had to be so quick on the draw I
Hate to be like that on these but I really needed to speak to you this week. Yeah, it literally started on Wednesday
So I'll make it really really short. Okay met this guy on Facebook dating and
He just like answered all the questions. I didn't have to ask him about his character all the things, right?
So I'm like, okay sounds like a decent man
Anyway asked if we could switch numbers or exchange and I'm like, yeah if you get you know, I'm thinking if you get weird
I'll just block you. It's fine. So
Anyway, we hop on the phone. Um, literally, okay. There's a plot to us. I don't get excited ladies, but
The best conversation I've ever had as a born-again believer with a man
Like I felt like I was being read like spiritually
Like he like got scripture out like it was the best to I went over two hours
Which I know we're not supposed to do but I am so glad that it happened and I'm literally in my head
This has gotten me so messed up
like I know you're gonna understand because I remember you sharing a story that you dated somebody or
We're gonna marry somebody something. Anyway, I'll get to that part. Sorry
Anyway talking on this on the phone even like medically like I'm more of a natural person
He like believed in all that everything was aligning to the point where I'm thinking God in my head he hopped off the phone or
went to a different call just for a second because the Sun was calling him and they hop back over and I'm just praying in
The spirit while he's on the other line. I'm like God show me if this man is that for me?
Cuz I'm getting so excited. I've not been excited before
So at the end of this conversation
This woman hops on the phone and says, hang up the phone, hang up the phone.
This is his wife.
And the phone hangs up and I'm like sitting there shocked.
Like what the heck just happened?
And I would never in a million years cross the lines with the married man.
And I'm just like, I don't know.
I'm literally shocked.
I'm like, do I not have discernment?
Do I not have, like, do I not even understand how the, could I not
even see the fruits lacking?
Like, I don't even understand how you can lie the way this man lied.
So I get a text the next morning after I go to bed and this, his wife texts me
and was like, we have an 11 month old son.
He has 14 children and we've been married for two years and he's been
talking to other women and asked me if like we slept together and I'm like,
no, I just had one conversation.
Like it was our first phone talk.
Like I like voice clipped her and I was like, I know this is weird, but I've
been in your situation before with my children's father, like if God just
put us together so I can pray with you, like I'm willing to do that.
Like I've, the number, his number is blocked.
Like, it was just so weird.
Well, that brought up, like, I'm about to cry because it brought up a lot of like.
Just insecurities.
It brought up emotions that I thought I healed from this guy that I have
been talking to, who's a decent guy.
We've been like consistently talking for over a month and I'm like questioning
him and like everything, and I just feel like I can't trust anybody.
And yeah, it just really sucked.
So I deleted Facebook dating because I literally just cannot
handle any more crazy situations.
So yeah, I would love like, even if you just could pray.
Yeah.
Um, yeah, that, um, yeah, I know everybody can, um, put your heart on this.
That was betrayal, right?
And so you, you probably don't want to categorize it as betrayal
because you think I didn't know him.
Yeah.
Um, he wasn't, he never gave a lying allegiance to me or something, but
something happened when you were talking to him and you believe that you
were talking to a brother in Christ.
So let's break that down.
You believe that you were talking to a believer in Jesus.
Well, that made a connection.
Older women falling.
Um, that made a connection.
You didn't see it, but it made a connection.
And it wasn't because you didn't make a connection.
Cause you were so stupid.
And how could I not catch it?
Like all those things are just lies.
I want you to come back to the basics of what happened.
Yeah.
Just like if me and you were to sit here and I was to pray and you'd
be like, that prayer was so far.
That was the Lord.
He touched my heart.
And then you heard me on the phone.
Yeah.
Mandy is so some, some, some, you won't be like, is that Ebony talking?
You get what I'm saying?
Like I switched up and will be betrayal and you will be hurt because
you wouldn't have expected that.
I want to take time to clear that up because sometimes we don't realize
the levels that we connect on.
And then you don't give yourself grace and you beat yourself up for
something that's really not true.
Or the enemy comes in and gives you thoughts and tell you
that you're being stupid.
Yeah.
Right.
Like, why do you feel like that?
You didn't even know me.
What were you thinking?
So those things, so let's clear that.
And I'm going to pray, but I want to clear that up for you.
And another lie I want to clear, cause I don't need it hanging around
is when you said, do I not even hear from Holy spirit, but you
prayed and she picked up the phone.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Because I even told him like, God shuts the door on me with men so quick.
Like, I'm just going to let you know, like, and then literally at the
end of the phone conversation, I'm literally thinking this man is the one.
I feel crazy to even think that.
And I'm like, what the heck?
Like I've been single almost eight years in January, you know, I don't know.
It's hard.
And so this guy that I'm talking to, I'm not that attracted to him.
He's cute, but he's short and I have an issue with short men.
And I'm like, literally trying to find a way out and every situation,
but he's such a good guy.
So, but I'm also like, what if he's married?
What if he has 12 kids, 14 kids, you know, anyway, so yeah.
So let's get out because that's going to help you not take what you experienced,
take the good from what you experienced, you know, Mike, and so Holy spirit
intervenes, just like he can do with you.
And this other guy, this man's wife picks up the phone, which.
Weird all together because how is she you know, how would that even happen the Lord your God defended first?
Yeah, that's why we're gonna stomp this fear thing. That's trying to care, but to gravitate towards you
You got defended he defended you and Mandy you don't have to be right
About you don't have to have eagles eyes
You don't live in the future nor do you live in the past?
You have a God that takes care of all those things in it and even in your best picking
You could not pick a man that would be quick for you 10 years from now
Even in your best picking you couldn't pick a man that's equipped for the Mandy 15 years from now
You couldn't pick a man that knows how to come in and sharpen Mandy the way that the Lord can
So you just not equipped to do it
And I think that this is one of these moments where we have to surrender and say I can't do it
Like if this didn't show you anything
I want us to see what it really did show you and it came to produce more fruit in you
What happened to me
I'm right here. Can you see me?
Let me find is it is it cuz I put my hand down. Oh, there you go. Yeah, probably so I found you
Oh, sorry. Oh, it didn't come to
To take away from you it came to prune you
So that you could surrender more now, I know it didn't feel like it
But I'm telling you there is a there is a good perspective in this thing
And I'm gonna help you find it because the enemy is lying to you
But anytime the the Lord King he uses everything around us
So we start cutting stuff out, but ladies the Lord uses what's around us to get to us to help us
You know how we say it a lot of times we think oh
Well, you want somebody to post it? They're Christian
I'm not saying that but you know how when a man comes and say everything that you think is good
and
He and then when you hang up you like he loves the Lord
He loves the Lord. We're both on the same track. How do you know he said it? Okay
But you know, I think that this is just it. I think he's the one because they see everything, right?
and
This just shows not like ha ha it shows that the process is
Worthy like that's the purpose of the process to I hear what you say now. Let me get to know you and
That our feelings can be off. Yeah
Women we usually talk about how we feel and that's how we do it we talk
Me in our observatory, so that means when a man comes back and says the things we like
We say okay, cuz who would say this if they didn't mean it right me in it
right
So you're thinking who says stuff like this like there's some people you can talk to and when they talk about the Lord
You can tell that they have a depthness with the Lord. You can tell that they have intimacy with the Lord
There's a certain way you can talk
They can reveal things about if you're you know, if you're having that type of conversation with the person and it's like well
How would they know to say all of it, right?
Yeah, literally this is right. How do they know to do that?
How do they know to say that and so all of it is really good and then you get this happen
So what I'm saying is it's worth taking in what a person says and say this sounds good
And you can still say this sounds like it may go somewhere
Let me see where this could go
and
Put yourself under the subjection under the under the guidelines that you've created for your dating process
That this sounds good
I'm gonna submit this to the father and I'm gonna see where this could go because this might could be something in this process
The enemy wants to come along and strip you of all that hope Mandy. Everybody's listening. He wants to strip you of hope of
Hope that it could be good of
Hope that it could have that magical feeling to it
He wants to strip you of the excitement in the joy and tell you you're not gonna find a godly man
There there's no there's no kingdom in it. Look who you're talking to now. He probably lied, too
Because now the heart has been
Has been wounded and you're seeing through the wound and not the way you saw before
But you remember the whole feel person was just the hour before you got on the phone with him. Exactly
She's not far removed from you and you don't have to leave her on the other side of that phone call
We're gonna pray and you can reunite with her Mandy
Amen
We're not gonna allow the journey within itself is a tiresome one
And we're not gonna allow the enemy to get in
Footing in our life. And so you might get sat down for a minute, but you're gonna bounce back
What is she gonna do lay down and give up?
I'm so sorry that happened, but I feel like you gained so much more
Even with this young man that you're getting to know I think that would be the time instead of saying I don't know
Are you a mayor? I can see you becoming more suspicious. I was in a relationship with the ultimate huge betrayal
It makes you rethink everything like was this even real was that in a real world? Was this a sick joke?
Like who does this so you begin to question on this thing and I don't want to prolong the time with it
But I want you to know that I understand and that was betrayal, but it was a quick betrayal
Yeah, it really was I'm like, thank you God at least I
just wasted two hours and 20 minutes of my time, so
Yeah, and you gained a lot more
Because then that young man
I believe you gained a lot more than young man that you keep trying to get rid of that you may not like as much
You may want to hear what the Lord has to say about
Yeah, well I like start asking him questions and he was like, where are all these questions coming from
Because I was so insecure about what happened and I just told him the truth because I told him I've been like
Getting to know people like you're not the only one I'm getting to know but you I actually do like him
And I don't like the other guys. I'm just like small talk, you know
Anyway, and he like called me and listened to me and was just like I'm so sorry that happened
But I can promise you I'm extremely single like super single and I definitely don't have 14 kids and like made a joke out of it
You know and it was just it was fun. He's yeah, so I don't know. I guess it's just like I
Just want an attractive man, and he's cute, but he's not yeah, so I feel like I'm being insecure in that area
So anyway, he's not what?
He's he's just not super hot
What me you say he's attractive but he's not what is it that you want that he doesn't have
You know, I think it's just the height thing. Yeah, what what does height represent for you? I
Don't know why I feel like more safe or secure with height
Woman, most all women feel safer and secure with height because yeah
Right. Yeah, and I like to wear heels
How short is he? How tall are you? I'm 5'5 and
He's like 5 well, I don't he says he's 5'7, but you know, you got a deduct like 2 inches on these apps, so
That's 2 inches y'all are both shrink in time
Be short
It I said we'll all be sure I know I'm gonna have to switch to flats or something
At least he won't increase back about 14 kids
You're right
Well, I
Say Mandy, I want you to
Submit that relationship also to the Lord
Okay. Yeah X the look, you know, the Bible says and there's something that the Lord told me
You know when Samuel went to anoint David?
Um, he said are these all your sons and then you know Samuel saying surely this is one surely
This is the one surely
This is the one and the Lord says you judge me and by the our appearance by either Lord judges the heart
And my encouragement be for all of you women on the line when you meet a man
Asked the Lord. How have you judged his heart?
hmm, I
Want you to remember because there's a powerful prayer to pray. How have you judged his heart?
Yeah, because in it's in the Lord's judging of a heart
It's gonna tell you if someone is suitable for you and God says I'm just as hard good
Have you it's his heart good for my heart
That's convicting
Very convicting. Yes. Yeah. Look I do is for a long time
And it really is for better or for worse
Yeah, I
Just feel sad for that woman that married him and know he had 14 children. I know I was like, what's wrong with you?
For me to pray for you, I know we're gonna go ahead and pray for you Mandy father. Thank you for Mandy
I thank you for every experience that you've come to give her on this journey, and I think you have a moment of this journey
She'll be wasted, but you will use every single
Opportunity every experience every man that comes her way to sharpen her to prepare her for what you have for
Prepare for her. I will exit you increase and enlarge her capacity every woman on this line
I thank you Lord that you're coming into every broken place and you're giving us opportunity to be
Combined in those areas so that when they come up and when we say out and when we say that hurts
We won't quickly go back and to to Egypt
But we'll remember that we're walking in the promised land that we're in the place that we've done the work and now you're coming
To to make us completely hold through the experiences that we have
So I just I just release us from that mindset that every time something hurts us. We believe should I go back?
No, you're right where you need to be
So this time when it comes to to take a stab at you
You'll know how to deal with it because you are a new creation in Christ
She's been all things truly have passed away and all things have become new and so I just speak grace over each and every one
of you to walk in the new place that you're in to know that the old things that you used to do in the
Old way that you used to do it doesn't work in this new land
And so take your new tools and run with them with great speed
I just declare acceleration over your life
acceleration over your mind
acceleration over your thoughts
Acceleration of the way that you hear the Lord
I speak acceleration over your feet that as you walk into new land that you will take the
Territory that belongs to you and refuse to leave anything on the table because this time will not come back
You won't get it again
All things have passed away and all things become new and so I release you to enjoy the land that you're in now
in Jesus name
Amen
Thank you so much, you're welcome, you're welcome
You know, yeah, I just I just only last part of prayer
I really you know
I really felt the Holy Spirit hands so heavy on it because you're going into
Maryland and you don't get this land and a lot of times we want to skip over the land that we're in
To get to a land that we don't know nothing about
You ain't equipped for the Lord is not done with you and you won't just skip past something. It's a ha
Give it to me
He's like I have fullness of joy in my right hand. There are pleasures evermore right where you are
You got your eyes on the prize, but I've already won the prize I've already got that for you. I
Love you so much that I'm invested in every part of your life and there is goodness right here for you
So much goodness so much overflow
Don't despise the day of small beginnings
So praise Jesus
Yes, praise Jesus, all right candy
Candy girl, you are my world. Will you get candy?
Yeah, okay, yeah, hi, yeah
I don't know how to unmute myself
I was enjoying you. I was enjoying your
Okay, so, um, all right, so I met this guy at the whole hot holy and he lives like five hours away
He lived in Pittsburgh and I live in New Jersey. So
So, you know
we have been texting each other for a week and
I was the one who initiated like asking for a phone call and we did have a phone call and they made
And I kind of asking about how flexible are you about the location?
And he said, you know, he's flexible and all that, but I just I did not I guess I did not
Ask the question clear enough for him to give me a clear answer
so I want to address that again later on, you know, when we have a call again or whatever, but
And I can feel you know when he wrote to me I think that he's he's
he's merry-minded and
also
And also
masculine, but one thing about the maturity, that's one thing that really
bothers me is he one of the taxi asked me is that he said
He's like I want to take a picture of me sitting on the bed and I'm not sure whether you want me to do that
I'm like, you know what he said. He wants to take a picture of him sitting on the bed
and I'm not sure whether you want that.
And I just, I don't know how to answer him.
I just ignore him.
I just move on to the next subject.
You know, I was like, what kind of question is that?
So, right.
So, and then later on the next day,
he asked me a very odd question.
He said, do you like someone who has beer or no beer
or doesn't matter?
And then the next question is,
do you like boxer briefs or boxer briefs?
I was like, what?
You know, what kind of question is that?
So that, you know, that connect to, you know,
that connect to the love language
that we are talking about, the love language.
He put on his love language as a physical touch, you know?
So, and yeah, for me, I put the love language
as a fourth item, fourth item.
So I put on quality time.
So, so I don't know.
I don't know how to answer him those questions.
So instead of answering him, I said,
how about we jump to a, how about we have a video call?
Cause I do want to get to know you more.
And then we, so I said tomorrow or the next day I'm free.
So let's have a video call and I can tell you my preference.
Yeah.
So I don't know whether I handled it correctly
or I don't know.
I mean, he's, he's actually eight years younger than me
and he said he's, you know, he said that age
is only a number and I'm okay with that.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
Well, King Andy, I'm going to tell you,
I feel a little leery about him.
I can only tell you from me if a man asks me,
hey, you want to picture me on the bed?
Already, it sounds to me like he's trying to draw you in.
So depending on how you would have answered him back,
maybe you would have said,
oh, like what you mean on the bed?
I think he would have liked you to say that,
but you're like, okay, let me just ignore that.
Well, when he asked you if you like boxes or briefs,
so that's a very, you know, like why?
Right.
Why does he want to know if you like boxes or briefs?
Exactly.
Like you don't know him.
He don't know.
Yeah, exactly.
Even if you knew him, I dated somebody
and he never asked him if they like boxes or briefs,
six months, a year.
And I never said to you like boxes or briefs.
And so it was those questions sound like
he was baiting you in with certain questions
so he could get to what he really wanted to talk about.
And so for me, that's very concerning.
And he didn't do it just one time.
He did it two times.
I mean, those were like clear sexual innuendos to me.
And then the other question that he asked,
I felt like it was a leading question as well.
I can't remember what was the next one you said, but.
He said, do you like people who have beard or no beard?
Or it doesn't matter?
Yeah.
So when he said,
do you like people who have beard or no beard?
Now, if I was to step into that world in my mind,
yeah, he is throwing bait.
I think based on how you, if I'm in his sexual mind,
beard or no beard,
he didn't just ask you about how you like a man to look.
Beard is gonna feel a certain way
depending on what you're doing in a sexual act.
And this is my, I'm looking at Mandy's face
and I'm like, I'm scared to say it.
Mandy look at me like, what are you about to say,
and I'm just saying like,
all of his questions were so sexual.
And so when you say it, he said beard or no beard,
I'm like, I don't know.
So I'm a little surprised that he asked him that question,
when he actually pray,
he actually write the prayer on the text,
which I'm very impressed instead of saying,
because I went to a vacation last week
and he prayed for my safety and all that.
So he wrote on the text of how,
the prayer and all that, and then amen at the end.
So I was very impressed by he praying,
he actually wrote on it rather than just saying,
I'm gonna pray for you.
But what he wrote about those stuff is really,
it's alarming to me that,
what is, we just have not even talk on the phone,
I mean, talk on the video chat,
we have not even face to face conversation.
And I don't know.
People tell you who they are, you just have to listen.
And men are not afraid usually to talk about,
sometimes if that's what they want really upfront,
especially from dating apps.
Also y'all, I wanna say this,
men can pray, preach, prophesy, lay hands,
cast out demons and have a problem with pornography and sex.
They can be touched, and this is gonna sound harsh to you,
I've been in leadership a while.
They can be touching their daughters.
They can have problems with,
they can have a lot of perversion going on.
So I don't want, I just wanna think like,
sometimes when we see a man pray,
we get so impressed.
Respite, but let me tell you something. The Lord has some giants in the faith in the form of a man
Men are amazing. There's no shortage of
mighty men of God
Maybe a shortage in certain areas that we're in but I want to normalize that
So that we can stop being impressed when a man can pray because Canada the truth is that's the foundation of any man that you want
But just because we can pray we can also have some things that we're struggling with and that's everybody
Y'all I can pray well, but I said in my classroom today repenting in my heart for being harsh with one of my students
This is one of the hardest things that I have to deal with you. You walk by my class. You won't be thinking this
Like literally the way I hug and love on them like you will think these two people exist
But sometimes I have trouble with staying with a gentle tone with them like all of us have struggles
Like there are so many areas of my life that I've struggled in and it doesn't mean that God is not with me
It means that I'm growing and I want us to understand if you evaluate your own life
Look at your own struggles and see how much God still lives with you fully
It's the same thing with another person. I
Just want to say that
We can all struggle with perversion
Pornography masturbation
smoking drinking
Drugs, whatever you want to call it. You can be there and be in Christ
and be growing
Does that make sense?
I'm not trying to have a preach night, but I just want y'all to know that
And so when I'm talking to a man, no matter how great he is. I remind myself that he's no he's a person
Oh
Good so do you suggest I should move on?
Yes, I do I
Do I think that those all those comments were very inappropriate candy?
They weren't honoring or respectful and I think that if you do stick around
He's gonna send out some more bait and then you can stick around to see for yourself
Um, but I wouldn't take him serious if I did if I were yeah, yeah, I'm not a bank owner much
Yeah, I say me. Yeah, I'm probably gonna have a video call with him and dance
Yeah, and maybe next time you make those comments go ahead and challenge and say, you know
When that's safe when you say things like that, I'm wondering what you're talking about
So, what do you mean?
What are your thoughts about this?
Why don't you want to give him a picture you on the bed? Like I just asked the questions
Don't be afraid of what he's gonna say. I
Should just say I just asked him. What do you have in your mind?
Yeah, okay, okay. All right. Yeah. Thank you. I believe yeah
All right, all right
I'm amazing. I like it. It's gonna make a face. Can you mommy Lauren?
Yeah, Lauren. Yes. Sorry. I'm here. You're okay. I didn't call you number one time. I wrote so quick my little penis
I
Okay now I'm you Lauren I
Hear me. Okay. Yeah, I had to meet you to get out the background. Okay, um, so I
had I know I had you know posted some about this and
On the page and you had responded about that
I'm not sure cuz I meant to come, you know last
week, but I hadn't been able to I had some other stuff going on and
But I did, you know
Send him
another
Message and we did get a I want to let you know that we did
Find a time not this weekend because of the holiday
Weekend but the next
after that where we're going to have a
date in person
And so I wanted to you know, just kind of let you guys know about the
The updating in with the situation I think you might still be muted
No, I was just clapping for you
Oh, thank you
Yeah, so how do you feel about it tell me like what is your thoughts because this has been how long you've been getting to
know him, um
Well, I'm I'm going to tell all myself. This is gonna be this is gonna be bad
But we had it's been
several months where we have just been talking just primarily on the
messenger, texting messenger on Facebook. Like I said, we did have the phone and
the video and the audio call, so I do know that, you know, he's a real person
and stuff. But I mean, I am, you know, excited to kind of see how things go, see if, you know,
there's any further connection or anything. Because yeah, I mean, I haven't really,
don't have any experience with this, so this is going to be the first
date. And so I am looking forward to seeing, you know, learning more about him. And because I had,
you know, sent a message, let me see if I can, just so that, you know, give an idea. I mean,
it was similar to kind of the things that you had mentioned in your, when we were messaging
about it. But, you know, that it was, that I had been praying about it because it had been a few
days since we had talked, since I wanted to take that time to, you know, kind of pray
and figure out exactly how I wanted to word everything in the message so that I didn't
seem like, you know, abrupt or whatever, or that I was changing things up that, oh,
you've been happy to just do this or what's changed or whatever. And so, but he was, you know,
very responsive and so I'm excited to see, you know, if things, how things move forward from
here. Yeah, Laura, how far is he from you? We're about two hours away. I'm in Cleveland and he
lives in the Columbus area. And so we're going to meet about an hour away in Mansfield. And so
it's a little bit, you know, further, I mean, a little bit closer for both of us. Neither one of
us has to drive the whole way. And have y'all planned the date yet? Yes, he has taken some of
initiative with planning some of it, which I know that I had mentioned that in some of when I was
posting on the wall about that's, I think, at least part of the reason why I had let things
go on for such a long time, but without actually meeting in person is because I was wanting him to
be the initiator. Yes. And so he was planning some of the stuff with the date and
on the 7th of September, we're supposed to go to a botanical gardens there in Mansfield. And so
we haven't discussed if, you know, we're going to do anything else. But that's right now what
the plan is for the... Yeah. And what time are y'all going to meet? At 10. Oh, good. 10 in the
morning. So y'all be able to grab lunch. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm excited for you. I just speak
peace over your nervous system. I can't imagine talking to somebody that long. It gets harder.
The longer you talk to a person, the easier it is to get used to them being your texting buddy.
Yeah. And that's why I wanted things to change and why I had, you know, sent the
initial post in the group. I didn't want to just be texting, but I kind of needed
some advice on how to, what to say and how to word it. Yeah. In order to make that change.
Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm excited for you because it's going to be your first date, right?
Yes. Okay. Well, keep us posted. Let us see your outfit for the day. And then
message us before you leave. Y'all, I feel like Lauren, message us before you leave and message
us when you get back. Okay. I will. Okay. All right. Yay. All right. Thank you, Ebony.
You're welcome. Hey, Aubrey. Hi, Ebony. Hey, sweet face. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you?
I'm good. I'm here to get some help. We want to help you. Yeah. Okay.
I guess just quick update. So I'm still dating Boston guy. We've done April, May, June, July,
we've done four visits. So he was come for a few days, I would go there for a few days.
It was it's been good as far as contact points like in person and real life contact points
for distance, I reckon. Yeah. So where we're at right now.
I guess a little a little bit of backstory. So you understand this about me.
So my faith has been kind of very mirrored to like, maybe like a messianic believers faith.
So things like the Sabbath, like biblical feasts, things like that have been really
important to me and my family, you know, probably for like the last seven, seven years.
And so what I feel like I often come against not against, I don't know, but
face with dating is that these things are not really mainstream. Like there's not there's way
more believers that are not in the same perspective in these areas. And so
a big concern that I've had previously in dating is what is it going to look like
when I'm with somebody we're considering long term, but I have a lot of
things that they're not super mainstream. And basically, every, every guy that I have
encountered dated, they like all of this is new concepts, like new ideas,
why would you even do this? This seems so irrelevant, like every time, right. And so
I think where I'm at right now, basically, so he's coming to visit next weekend.
It's just super short visit. It's like he gets in really late on Friday night,
he's here Saturday, and then he leaves like in the late, well, the evening, I guess on Sunday.
But what I'm trying to navigate is like, everybody's faith is personal, right? And the
exact expression can differ from person to person, and it can still be so very valid.
And yet when you're thinking about the practicals of life, it's like,
well, I'm just I'm struggling because I don't want to abandon my values. But I also don't want
to be so inflexible because I know there's many different expressions that are all valid. And so
that's where I'm at. Basically, we we've talked through a lot of stuff. We've done a lot of like
studying like why do you believe this and like really digging into the word and that has been
really good. And I think I was scared to do it at first because I'm like, this guy is amazing.
He's a godly guy, like, emotionally, relationally, like, he's so communicative, like,
he's forgiving, he's patient, like, he's got so much character. And yet we come from very different
backgrounds. So what does that look like? And so I don't know your input on that just
it's not like, you know, we're, we love the same God, we have many of the same values. But
yet there's other things that I have done that have not been a part of his life at all.
So where do I put that? Yeah. So my first question is, do both of you believe that Jesus
is Lord and Savior of the world? Yes. So you're not Messianic Jew. You just celebrate the Jewish
holidays. I mean, in that way, you're saying you are you. So we know Messianic Jew is a Christ
like Jew. Sorry. Yeah, they they follow. They are. Okay. So I want to say this. I celebrate a lot of
Jewish holidays. Okay. And so when you say that to me, it's not alarming to me at all. I do it
because that is the calendar that Jesus operated by as well. And he was a Jew. That's my belief
based on what I believe in. And so I enjoy celebrating the holidays. And I don't, I don't
think nothing of it. Even if I marry somebody, I wouldn't think none of it. I'm just gonna celebrate
the holiday. If they don't want to celebrate the holiday, they don't have to celebrate the holiday.
I don't celebrate Christmas. I don't celebrate the advertisement or the sales of Christmas.
I was, my mama just never really celebrated it. I celebrate the birth of Christ,
but he wasn't born on Christmas. And Christmas to me is a sales thing to make money.
I wouldn't care either, but that's a big deal for people. Well, it's a really big deal for a lot of
people, but you know, I'm just saying like, and so I know that it's something like that.
Some just, if we have children or something, our household.
or have the decision have to be made for the kids,
but not for two adults or whatever.
But if somebody around me wants to celebrate Christmas,
I just join in with them.
I don't get into the commercial sales of things
because I know what it is, but I enjoy the holiday.
Does that make sense?
My sister, we create our own things.
I'm just giving you an example.
Her children, her and her husband,
he wanted to celebrate Christmas.
She just was like,
look, I don't really want to raise the children up in this.
Yeah.
He agreed, but they don't stop the grandparents
from sending gifts.
Like they don't stop people,
like their grandparents that love them so much
from sending them a Christmas gift
because they've taught their children the truth.
And so it's like, yeah,
they don't withhold grandparents
from expressing themselves that way, right?
That's what I'm saying.
All I'm saying is if the core foundation is the same,
these other things are just logistics,
unless he's saying to you,
well, we're not celebrating the Passover
and we're not celebrating the new year in September.
Cause I think that's on the Jewish council,
the new year's in September.
Oh, we're not celebrating the days of feast
and we're not celebrating the, whichever.
I'm like, come camp with us for Sukkot.
Like, it's great.
It's wonderful.
You know, I love it.
And if he's saying that I'm not going to do that,
then you may want to say if he's,
if you feel like he's that great
and you feel like that,
if you feel like God's hand is on this relationship,
and then you may want to say to him,
would you be okay if I live this way?
That I celebrate these things, right?
So then that's that question.
Like, we'll have to be separate on this part.
That's-
When you think about kids, that's what I think about.
Like, what do you teach them?
Right.
That's what I immediately think like,
well, what if there's conflicting-
It is going to be conflict.
So that's why you talk about, say,
so when we had children,
what way do you want them to be taught?
And then you just have to make a decision.
Aubrey, I'm going to tell you something.
I don't believe that somebody, some person,
one person is such so amazing that they can't be released
because your positioning is limited.
You only see them where you are.
And I would submit that idea to the Lord
that this person is so wonderful and amazing
that there's nobody like them,
and ask him, is this what you have for me?
Is this the best for Aubrey?
That's a really big deal because I dated a person.
It's like switching up.
We talked about one time switching up the good
for the better, the better for the great.
You don't want to let go what's good
because you deemed it so good, but it's something better.
And sometimes we get the better,
and God said, let go of the better for the great.
And it's like, do we get any better than this?
And like, yeah, it does
because he's not measuring by our measuring.
Their emotional environment, they're this,
and they're this, and they're that,
and they're this, and they're that, and they may be.
But because you haven't seen the 15 year,
the 10 year Aubrey, the five year Aubrey, the 3.0 Aubrey,
you don't know if this person is fit for that Aubrey.
You just know the one that's fit for this Aubrey.
Then all of a sudden, all that good stuff they had
ain't gonna be so good no more
because it doesn't fit anymore
because you haven't seen your path of growth yet.
It hasn't been unveiled to you yet.
So what I'm saying to you is I want you to submit the idea
because this is what you've been saying since the beginning.
This just so good.
It's just so good.
Do you remember?
It's just so good.
He says that we're gonna have the exclusive we date.
This so good, I can't let it go.
And it's not worth like being torn about it.
I will submit it to the altar of the Lord.
I would nail it to the cross and say,
Jesus, I give this to you to make a decision
because I can't, because it is so good.
The way you made this guy is amazing.
He is an amazing man of God.
And I thank you for the opportunity
that I've had to get to know him.
But you know what's best for Aubrey.
And if you says this man is best for me,
then tell me how we're gonna work through these other things
because if he is what serves you best, Aubrey,
all of this stuff is already worked out.
You have just yet to see it unveiled,
but you're not gonna be able to get surety
in a place you have not been.
You can't get grace for a land you don't live in.
Right, you got grace for-
To solve problems for babies that don't exist, right?
Or getting a house.
Well, if you're considering marrying somebody,
you do have to know how you're choosing.
we're not gonna be raised.
And you don't know if even if he says,
look, I ain't trying to go on that feast days,
but you never know what happens in his heart
after y'all get married.
Like there's so many things you can't account for.
So stop.
So there's nothing wrong with you talking about it.
This is a big deal.
That's not what I'm saying to you,
but I am concerned about you talking about it
tied to the idea that he is the best thing
since sliced bread.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I was just even praying today
because he's coming to visit and he's like,
okay, we really need to talk more
through all of these different things.
And I'm like, yeah, we really do.
And so there's a lot of things we're gonna be,
and it's gonna be, I think maybe hard conversations, right?
Which I'm like not super excited,
but I'm just praying and thinking like, okay,
Lord, if this is not it and I will be okay.
I will be okay.
And I'm like, I'm having to tell myself that
because I'm like, I feel I have not gone through a breakup
or a walk away from a something and been okay.
And I'm like, if I need to walk away, will I be okay?
I'm gonna be okay.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, it'll take a while, but you will eventually.
It's gonna hurt bad.
If you needed to hear that, that's the truth.
It is gonna hurt.
You know that it's gonna cost you, right?
There's a cost to all things,
but after you pay the cost, you look at what you gained
and you would have not lost Aubrey.
You don't lose in this process.
And once you get rid of, I can lose.
Trust me, you can have conversations better.
When you get rid of, I have to give up what I really want.
No, you never even had what was really for you.
You were having an experience.
You went all in to take a journey.
And what's wrong with it, right?
Would you rather marry the wrong person
or the right person?
And if it costs you this,
would you be willing to pay for it
to get to what's best for Aubrey?
Of course, and so I think you should have the conversation.
I think y'all should have hard, ask the hard questions.
And I think that both of you should pray.
Both of you guys are believers.
And say, Lord, we lay this relationship on your altar.
We are limited in our knowledge and our understanding
and in our wisdom.
But you, oh God, know all things.
And then this is my favorite prayer right here.
If this ain't you, just let it fall apart.
Now, some people don't like that kind of abrupt stuff,
but I'm like, just let it.
So I won't have no, well, what if, but if I,
but I guess, but what if I was wrong?
What if we could've had something special?
I mean, what if I was just being too hard?
What if my standards are too high?
I mean, we all have our own way of expressing the God
that we believe in.
Look, God, I give this to you.
I trust you with it.
If it's not what's best, you deal with it.
I know what you allow to happen.
You're gonna keep my heart safe.
And even when it's broken,
I can go to the one who will hold my heart
until I'm well, whole, and complete.
Ready to start again.
Ooh, your face, it make me wanna hold you,
arm you like a little baby.
How old are you, like 24?
I'm 27, what are you talking about?
How old are you, Sydney?
Do y'all see her little face?
It's a little fat face.
She's like, save me.
I've been crying a little bit.
Save the one Lord.
I've been crying a little bit,
but I'm like, I just think like,
these are big, big decisions.
And I think I've, for years,
wanted to put the responsibility
or the decision-making to somebody else.
And so to me, it's like, oh my goodness.
Okay, no, God's with me,
but he also is like, wants me to set my boundaries.
And you know what I mean?
Make decisions, right?
And that's hard.
Oh, I know it's hard
because that last relationship I was in, which was lovely,
I cried and I told the Lord, you do it.
I did.
I said, you make the decision, you do it.
And it wasn't audible,
but he basically told me, no.
It was a stern one.
I'm not doing that for you.
But I said, you gotta do it.
Just do it.
I even begged him, turn my heart toward him.
You do it.
He's wonderful.
He's amazing.
What are you?
God, just turn my heart.
If you say do it, I'll do it.
Just, well, you do everything as you do it.
And he said, no, I won't.
And there's something that God,
you know, y'all, we want God to do everything for us,
but he's empowered us to do it.
We have to make decisions
because you ain't finna get on the other side of I do
and tell God it's his fault.
Yeah, you made that decision and we're powerful. We can make decisions and we always make decisions
All of us are making decisions every day
Let us know how it goes
Aubrey we are supporting it. Yeah father God give all be strength and right now I release any skill
That is on your eye and on your mind
Any lies that have wrapped itself around your belief system. I pull it up by the roots now
Replace it with the blood of Jesus
to heal your system from um
Like to like almost like your memory system to heal the the systems of your memory where any lies have been embedded in your mind
I pray now scales will fall after your eyes
Anything that's blocking your ears
It will be removed in anything that's blocking your heart will be removed so that you may hear and see all things
Well, I pray that the Lord would meet both of both of you are both of you have invested so much
You really really have and the Lord knows your heart
He loves both of you so much and I just speak over your life Aubrey. It's impossible for you to lose
Any person who has a God who defends them in fights for them will never lose and I call the devil a liar
You can't lose you haven't lost time
God is a God that restores time and it will be as if you've never missed anything
He's the only one that can do that
He's the only one that can go in the past and make up and he's the only one that can grab from the future and
Add to the present and make you full lacking no good thing
And so I just declared that there's a God that sits in the heaven and looks over
Aubrey and he's called the God that lacks no good thing and I just thank you Lord for
Reaching her now speaking to her now ministering to her heart and fortifying her for the decisions that have to be made in
Jesus name. Amen
Amen
Amen. Thank you. Ebony. You're welcome
All right, we get some good praying tonight. Don't come out heaven know how to do it
That's prayer wasn't even for me. But no
I
Been praying for you, too
Thank you. I don't like I ain't heard from you. I started to come up there to Dallas
But I couldn't found know what school you it but I've been praying for you
I will tell you what school I am and I will be accessible to you
I
Am at Shaw Elementary, they're right. So I'm gonna come up there. Let me see a shower in the midge now
I'm in shop elementary in Mesquite ISD. Okay. All right. All right. I got you
All right, man
What's going on girl? Tell us about that hot date you finna go on
You
You know, I was I was absent and missing last week because I
Just started a new job. So I had to kind of pull my roll on a couple of things
However, I'm telling you I've been having to beat him off with a stick
But I mean they've been coming they've been saying stuff we've been having conversations and all that
But I gotta beat him off because I'm like no this it's just just this is not it
I mean when I tell you my little I'm one three
I'm on upward Facebook mark Facebook and
What's the other one, um the arc I think I'm on three different ones
and so I was getting a lot of people from Facebook in which I still am but um, I
Wasn't getting very many on the upward for a while then all of a sudden I just start getting these people and I'm like
Did I say did I say some on the profile that you know?
I thought I might have said something that was running them off and they wasn't calling
I mean messaging me, but anyway, so I've had a couple of them that I've talked to here and there
But I've been me some jokers
I've been beat some jokers who think this beautiful face this smile
Would just go for anything
I
Know I'm cute, but I ever
Listen, I have seen some things before and this time, you know, I'm you know, I'm watching I'm being watchful
But um, I'm gonna tell y'all about
Two one of them is when I really had to discount so I've been getting some who say
Okay, let's just email each other
I'm like, I can't see I can't hear your voice
I gotta hear something so I can you know, I got analyzed cuz I'm analyzing everything
And of course, I want to see your face.
I'm like, I got to see your face.
They send one picture.
They have one picture.
And I'm like, oh, I need more than one picture
so I can say, I can read the pictures.
And then I have the ones who, like, they
don't want to do the phone call.
I had one that was, or when we get up to that
and then I start mentioning that, hey,
let's just change numbers because they
didn't exchange numbers.
So I had a couple on that.
Then I have one that wanted to talk on WhatsApp.
Now, he is from Atlanta.
So I'll tell you more about that one in just a second.
So we have been talking a little bit here a couple of days.
However, this one joker that we was doing good
and he was like, you know, I love your beautiful smile.
I love your pictures.
And he's talking to me and all that.
And then I hit him with, OK, your profile
says 400 miles away.
But your profile also, well, let me tell you
before I get to that.
Your profile, I've been seeing this.
The profile will say, like, you're 63.
But he says, you know, there was something happened.
And although my profile says 63, I'm actually 59.
So I'm going back to try to fix that.
So that was just a red flag to me all the way around.
But I saw several people saying that.
And so then when I saw the 400 miles and I'm in Atlanta,
I'm not slow.
He said 400 miles and then it said New York.
And so when I asked him, I say, question,
if I got in my car right now and drove 400 miles,
where would I end up?
And he was like, oh, that's a good question.
And so and I'm like, so where would I end up?
Because I know you don't get to New York in 400 miles.
Well, anyway, so we got to talking.
And then one day he said he told me he was a widower.
And just been it's been two years since the spouse died.
And I'm like, wow.
I mean, I know people bounce back at certain times, but two years.
I mean, but they do bounce back.
But anyway, he say, well, I'm new to this app.
And my buddy told me about it.
That's how he met his wife.
So he told me I should try this.
And I said, OK.
He say, so I do want to ask you a question.
What have you been seeing when you're
trying to connect with people?
How have that been going for you?
So I figured I'd throw in what he was looking for.
So I said, hey, I'm new to the app, too.
So I would like to conversate with you to see what you're finding, too.
So and I say, but listen, I just got off a shift
and I pretty much work out of my car.
So I'm in the car more than anything.
I got a mobile office in the car.
So we need to talk on the phone because I got a whole hour home.
And that will be good, I say, because I do better holding conversations.
I can hear the person's voice.
And, you know, that's a lot.
He sent me this long message
about why we would talk.
On just email each other, I mean, you know, text, whatever we're doing,
the message when we're doing it that way.
Well, anyway, so he went as far as to tell me, well, on a 400 miles,
I'm actually not in New York, I'm in South Carolina.
I said, OK, so that kind of, you know, he say, and I'm here with my buddy,
the one who told me about the app with him and his wife.
And I'm going to be here for a while.
So he told me about the wife, what happened to the wife.
And then he told me he had a 15 year old son
and he was very interested in it.
And I'm like, well, but he started telling me all this stuff.
And then he told me that he worked in the UK.
He yeah, he works girl.
I don't want to just tell him off, but I did.
I just blessed and blocked.
I didn't even I wanted to answer so bad and say so.
But I didn't. I just went on.
And, you know, I didn't say you joke or I just went off.
It just got rid of him just like that.
And there's so many other ones were saying some things, too.
However, I got a still got one who emailed me and he sent me something today.
And he was like, well, I was looking to hear back from you.
No, no, no. That's not the one this because I do have a book
and I got to write them down because I'd be getting, you know,
I got to know what I'm talking to.
So I got to write it down so I can remember who I'm actually talking to.
Well, anyway, so another one, he sent me a message
and he sent another message today and was like, hey, I thought we'd probably
get a chance to talk on Sunday.
I mean, on Saturday, but we didn't give me a call when you have some time.
But I haven't done I haven't called him back yet.
It must have been something that I didn't really.
life, but I would have talked to him just to kind of get a chance to see whatever he put on there,
we can, you know, he can kind of clear that up. Well, anyway, I started talking to one
and I say, I was thinking, you know, like he's maybe a little bit older than I would have wanted.
Well, not really wanted because I actually said between 59, cause you're going to be 60 at some
72 and he's 71 and he only had one picture. So I said something about that. I would like to,
you know, talk to you to get to know you, but I would like to see more pictures and all of that.
So he sent me some information on WhatsApp, the, some pictures on WhatsApp and he lives here in
but then he started, he called me on WhatsApp and we've been talking for a little bit,
just having a couple of conversations, talking about a few things. And, and I haven't had a
lot of time to talk because I just started a new job on Monday and I actually, I be getting in the
bed. I've been getting in a bed by nine so I can fall asleep by 10 because we're on zoom right now
because we're, I'm in orientation and I felt myself kind of nodding the other day. But so
he's, it's been, it's been nice to have all this and conversations with, and we have
some things in common. I was trying to figure out again, cause I'm always trying to analyze,
did I say what I actually do? But we had some things in common in that area and he's really
nice gentleman. Now he don't, now I am a talker and I know how half the tone, my talking down,
he don't talk that much, but he will talk. And I'm like, I need you to be talking to me. Like,
you know, he's got this nice voice and I love to hear the voice, but he will talk when he's quiet.
Let me get it all out. But so that's what I've been doing, you know, just
having conversations here and there. So we'll have another conversation because he said,
he said, is it okay if I call you, you know, again before the weekend, but I am going to
respect your time that you are, that you go to bed pretty early. Yeah.
Well, Vern, that's a good update. One thing about it, it's fun too, even though, I mean,
that's not ideal what you want, but you, you do talk to some people and it's good practice when
you can say, Oh no, I ain't got time for this. Like it's just a good practice of your boundaries.
A lot of times we see it as wasted time, but it's not wasted time. It's actually a good use of your
time. It's to determine, are you going to just allow somebody to shoot bull to you just so you
can have somebody to talk to? You going to keep texting forever just so you won't face things,
you know, like you need to be sharpened in these areas. And so I'm excited that the guy from
Atlanta is actually in Atlanta and that you can have a real date with him. Right. And that y'all
have talked on the phone. And so that's hopeful and I'm excited for you and Lord, we want to
beat him out with a stick of nuance. No, if there's a thing, beat him out with a stick,
but there's some old hardheaded joke with this line. You really do have to beat them with a stick.
You got to beat them off with a stick. I'm telling y'all. I'm looking to get married
and I have seen some jokers already. I had three jokers already through my life and yeah, no,
I cannot settle for that. So no, we won't be. So I got to just make sure that, you know,
I'm having a conversation so I can actually really get to see who they are. But I'll,
I'll let y'all know how this one go. Okay, good. Thanks for the update. All right. All right.
Nari.
Hi, Ebony. Okay, so I met somebody like,
last Monday, actually, I've met a couple people, both on,
on Holy, and both really solid, great Christian men, both in California, and I'm in Michigan.
And I've had one phone conversation with one and three conversations with another one,
like video connects. And I think what I love about it, and I feel really proud of is that like,
there are people so like, this one in particular that I'm really interested in, he's
Jay, he has a lot of the same things like Steve did. Yeah.
that I was super hot for. But I'm noticing like this is so so
different. So he like has some of that vibe, but he's deep and
he has an incredible heart and I'm connecting we're connecting
like on a heart level instead of an ego level. And this is the
first time I feel like in my life where I have talked with a
man that like for dating, and it feels like a friendship instead
of like, because I had so many like wounds that I was always
looking for a man to take care of me. And, you know, just
provide. And so like, we're, and he's so funny. So like, we are
laughing hysterically on the calls. I just feel like I can
what he's bringing out of me is just like, I feel calm, I feel
grounded, I feel peaceful, I can be like I could, I could be a
complete dork on the call. Like I could, if I did something
completely goofy, I wouldn't worry about it. And I was so
feeling like I needed to put this, like perfect image up with
and like, just yeah, like, I think all of his questions were
more around, like, and Jay will share like, things he's done
accomplishments, but it's such a different way. That, like,
there's, he's just not like, he's just a very humble, he
laughs a lot, like we just laugh so much, like, just feel like a
like, he's got a spark, he's got that spark in his eye, like
Steve did. But this is just like, there's so much depth to
it. Like, so anyway, like, it's so different. But at the same
point in time, like my cortisol, which I've struggled with, like,
I had really bad adrenal fatigue, like, I think I'm like,
it feels a bit crashed out. Yeah. I'm just processing and
it looks so different. I mean, he's, I think he's, I think he's
probably successful, but he's not like, CFO or something, you
know, like, which is what I've always been so like, but he
just like, he's a friend. And I'm like, and I'm super
attracted to him. But it's a different attraction, Steve. I
don't feel like I have to get all fussed up about how I look
or. Yeah. Like, what do I do with myself? I think I feel
like, because of the cortisol thing. Yeah. I mean, I think
trust that that will come back down. But he's talking about
flying here to meet. Which is super exciting. And I said, I
would love that I would definitely love to meet sooner
than later. But would also like the opportunity to continue
these chats. Because there's I think a lot of compatibility
things, but we've already had like, the question of like, what
do you want in life? You know, he's 62. So it's like, what do
you still want in life? What are your dreams? What do you want in
this space? Like, we're both marriage minded. So that's
great. And he's, I love that he chose his work. It's always been
like image things for me. Like, it's always been men who had
these high level positions. And he was talking to me about his
position is like an administrator for a veterans
hospital. But he just loves serving people. And so it's
like his heart around it. I'm like, that's amazing. It wasn't
like, it wasn't like anything showy at all about it. He was
just like so connected to why he loved it and why he chose it.
And he's got a great relationship with his family
and his mom. He has a lot. He did lose a child back when he
was 17 years old.
accident. So that's been, he's been single for five years. He
did marry, he was married for 34 years, and got married to her
because he got her pregnant. So and never really connected with
her. So anyway, he's Yeah, and then I think also, I would say I
think my cortisol thing is also on the thought because like, I
moved back home last March for a relationship. And I was out in
California for ministry school. And I think in my heart, I'm
glad that I moved home because I needed to come full circle. And
he's on the other side of the state. And that was a definite
like, there were so many beautiful things about that
relationship. But like, I heard God's voice. And it was like a
fear of the Lord moment, because I wasn't living right. And also
because it was, I still had things that needed to be healed.
And also, like, he wasn't Lord, Jesus wasn't Lord of his life.
He was a confirmed Catholic, but he he's he was honest. He said,
I don't know where I'm going to end up on that. And after being
in a relationship for two years, I took him at his word and the
Lord helped me to move on. It was a really painful thing. So I
don't know that I could move cross country again, but he is
wanting to be in California. But anyway, you know, these are just
like long term. Talk, we're just like, where are you going long
term sort of conversation. So my mindset in these spaces,
which I don't need to spend a lot of time in those spaces,
because I don't have, I have so little information at this time.
But it's where I don't feel I also don't feel like I have have
this, which I felt before. I'm just like, okay, this is
beautiful. I'm enjoying this. But I'm not like, like, I was so
like, so wanted Steve. And so this is such a big shift for me
of like, this is beautiful. It's healthy. I hope.
Sorry. Yeah.
Yeah. Anyway, so it just feels so much healthier. And like,
there's a lot of things that I that I want. Yeah.
Lauren, how long have you been normal?
Have I known him for? Oh, we've been talking only for a week.
And y'all have FaceTime? Yep. Okay. Um, well, this sounds
exciting.
It's exciting, but I'm not like,
yeah, like, I just got to a bit too high, I think on on Steve,
like, it was just such a, such a polar thing.
Yeah, well, we know when they look like a lumberjack there,
you need to stay away from.
Well, Jay Jay has a rugged, you know, he's like a soak out a
Southern California guy.
But you know, sometimes it's just at the time when things hit
us, what we're processing what we have going on what we want to
cling to what we have bored of what we're hungry for that
we're not taking care of. You know what I'm saying? There can
be openings at certain times in our life that allows us to cling
to things differently than we would at another moment. Um,
what you've been longing for, what you've been thinking about
what you it's so many moving parts, especially with a woman
and then you look back and like, why was I even acting or
behaving that way? Um, you know what I'm saying? Or that
process can that thing can come to process that out of you?
Yeah. So process that part out. So then now you get to this
place, you're like, okay, this feels good. And then you know,
that guy, Steve, he kind of tapped on those insecurities
that you had, it kind of sent you in a tailspin, because you
were trying to figure out what he's, you know, he was very
confusing. He did the hot and cold. And maybe for you, if
you're used to that pattern, you grab hold to it and went for it.
Yeah, hot and cold, that toxic pattern, like kind of drew you
in to try to get him. So you know, like I used to be because
I was a broken little girl, because the man, the first man
I ever loved broke my heart was my father. When I will meet a
man, I will pursue them to conquer them. Because every time
that happened to my little girl's heart, I want a father,
I want
The man and so I was a winner of me, but it was from their broken little girl
And so if I you know, so I was more anxiously attached then and so anything to trigger that in me
It's like I'm gonna win you
Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna get you and it just switches over. So, you know, I wouldn't you just never know
What mold his toxicity put you in it or that you allowed yourself to operate in when it happened?
100%
Yeah, well, I'm excited for you. Keep us updated. This is fun
Coming out to see you. Yeah, when do you think is a
good time to I
Think he'd come next weekend if
He got plenty of money. I want to meet me a hospital administrator
I don't know how you meet these people with all the money, baby. I need to go to the app you won't
Hey, it's just only
I've been on hold. I ain't meet no hospital administrator. You've earned you met one bar. What about you pretty we
He dropped over
No around here, I don't need no uber drive in my life
That was a fancy thing
I'll talk about me and me and our foundation not y'all we have to drive on the side
There's one thing about my foundational stuff. Okay, lady
anyway, Laura
This man got plenty of money. He can fly down there tomorrow
What different do it make just go have a cup of coffee with him?
It ain't gonna cause him nothing but seriously if he stayed in the same area we he was gonna come on a bigger person
He was gonna come for a weekend and get a he was gonna come for a weekend
You know when you're 62 they change you ain't like the young people you can go in for a weekend and meet a person and
Sometimes which is nothing wrong with you guys a meeting sooner than later. And then I want to add this and then I'm
Mosey alone, but me and like to know if they are serious
That this is something I want to invest in because usually they invest more financially
Than women do and so it's always an investment. So sometimes you'll see me like, okay, what we're gonna do
Just like the guy Aubrey was dating he said I'm not gonna make this type of investment
We live in two different states every time they see each other. They have to take a flight
They do this once a month. You're much much money. They've spent over six months in flight
That's what I did cuz this last relationship was long-distance and yeah, we saw each other every month
It's so yeah before I get these emotional time. We're just gonna meet
Yeah, see if it's something we want and that could be just what he's saying
Just gonna meet and see if there's something that I want to do. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, so let us know how it goes
All right. All right
Okay. Okay. Here we come pre-t
Oh
And Pamela and why pretty is coming on
Pamela you asked a question in the chat in phase two
Do we just date and then date a little while didn't go to phase three?
So I deal is set up will you stay in phase two for about five to six weeks?
yeah, and on one of your first accelerator call of teaching Jackie gives a issues a
While
I'm talking. Are you still on the line of person? I'm talking to was it Pam Pamela. Did you post it?
Yes, okay
She posts a challenge and gives you guys a seven-day challenge, which you don't have to meet this challenge
But it's just a challenge to go on seven days the way
The logic behind the program and the way that is designed that as you date you get to date for discovery to learn about
yourself and
Heal things and see perspective growing capacity
And so the more you date the more you see because dating in a romantic situation
Pull something out of you that other relationships just don't pull out of you. You go into protective mode, baby
You won't take nails and nail stuff up anything to guard your heart
And so that's what phase two is about and then at any time four or five
Weeks if you want to transition to phase three, you're always welcome to do that
Email to admin tell them you're ready to move face three and then you go to face three
But we do ask that you do try to date come on to the sessions
Get you know get all of this when you get to phase three is absolutely amazing. The community is much bigger
And so it's not as you know, Chloe, you know quaint. It's just much bigger. And so yeah, that's how it works
And then Leah we go on to you next pretty and Leah I did send you a message and I told
that I thought you were very beautiful and I just wanted you to know that.
And so I wasn't sure if you saw my message, Leah, but I wanted to tell you that. Okay.
All right. You saw it, Leah? No? Yeah. Okay. Preeti?
So, Ebony, I have one very practical question for you. But before that, two things.
You said something to someone last week about asking God to restore
the value of man in life. And I just wanted to let you know that that's been really powerful
for me. Just because growing up, my dad got really sick when I was really young,
and my brother's kind of not been too much in my life. And so I do feel that I have lacked
godly men in my life, or just even men role models. And so, I mean, brothers from church
have been filling up this role for so many years. But, you know, like, that's been really helpful,
because sometimes I know that, you know, God will bring men in my life just to kind of have that
role. And they may not be like my husband. So, like, that was really, like, very helpful to
process emotions of, like, why sometimes people just come and go, right? So thank you for that.
And even, like, today's wisdom around, like, the good, better, and best was very helpful. Because
sometimes, you know, like, I've cried over, like, guys who I thought were, like, really good. And then,
you know, I just watched something today where, like, the God, I mean, where the Lord challenged
me that, like, you can have anything you want. Like, are you, like, why are you crying about
something? Like, not in the context of dating, in something else. But, like, that was really
helpful. So thank you. Thank you for your wise words. I'm very, very grateful for this time.
My quick question to you is, so I'm not having too much success with online dating, because, like,
the moment I feel like I'm having great chats, and people are like, oh, would you like to meet? And
I'm like, yes, let's meet. And then they go, like, quiet. And I'm kind of tired. So what I've been
doing is I've been telling my friends to set up, set me up with people. And, like, I can tell you,
my girlfriends have taken this really seriously. Like, people are on it, you know, like, so
people introduce me to, like, random people. And I've just been obedient, not random, like,
somebody they know. And I've been obedient and, like, trying to follow up, right? So
one such person lives, so I'm on the East Coast, and one person lives on the West Coast. And, like,
I'm not really attracted to him or anything, but, like, I'm discovery mode, right? Like,
my seven day challenge. And so the thing is that he makes it sound like he is seeking a
relationship, but he also has a busy job. And he's kind of blaming it on, like, the time difference,
because he's been giving me, like, one hour as an option to have a phone chat, like, between seven
days. So, like, he'll give me one random time on a Saturday, or one random time on a Sunday,
after, like, one whole week of, like, not being available. And, you know, like, I have friends
all over the world with different time zones. Like, I know how to work time zones, right? Like,
that's my superpower. Anyway, I'm kind of getting, like, I want to tell him, dude, like,
let's connect when you have more than, like, because even when we give a professional appointment,
like, we give people three times, like, hey, are you available here, here, or here?
Not, like, one appointment in seven days. So I want to, like, you know, my regular, like,
call it what it is, Preeti will be like, hey, dude, like, let's connect when you have more
time. But I want to do it agently, if that's your approach, or if you think I should try and
compromise and, like, meet him where he's asking me to meet, like, I just wanted advice on what
my approach should be. Because, like, I was kind of just wanting to tell him, like, this is not
working out for me. Like, if you give me, like, an hour time as an option to meet in between seven
days, like, you need to make more time. Yeah, I think that if you want to get to know him,
you can voice to him that your idea of getting to know someone doesn't happen with one hour
in seven days, the seven day span, and you understand if that's all he's available, but that
a level of availability is not going to work for you. Okay, yeah, that's that's much more kinder
way of saying it. Yeah. So that doesn't work well for you. And so you understand this is not the
best time in his life meeting people. And that could just be what it is. And it cannot be a good
time. And if he's like, oh, what type of time did you have in mind? Yeah, I've given him my option.
Like, I have told him I'm available most days between six.
p.m and 9 p.m eastern right and more times on the weekend so like i've given him like a pretty big
range of availability right so so you can you know reiterate or what do you want to say like hey i'm
clearly way more available than you are however one day out of seven days just doesn't and one
hour like that particular hour yeah it doesn't serve best for me where i am in life okay in my
availability seems not to serve best for where you are in life okay thank you that's super helpful
yeah and then tell them and ask them is this something that you agree to is this what you
agree with what i'm saying if he says yes then well great thank you so much for taking time
for us to get to know each other okay yeah sounds good thank you you're welcome i like how your
friends are setting you up all my friends want me to set them up they don't know nobody and they
telling me oh you don't know nobody i'm like what kind of world we live in yeah i mean my friends
have spoken to their co-workers and co-workers are speaking to their neighbors so like you know
i'll be famous in my city of 1 million but some like everybody's trying to find a husband for
pretty you know oh no come on network network yes yes joanne
hi hey yes so quick update is that um i am going i did give the guy a chance his name is tony he was
so happy and i actually organically ended up sharing how i felt like without being confrontational
because we ended up talking about so many things i told him how i felt like he's being chatty bt
and he's like oh i'm so sorry that's awful so um we had a good talk so we'll meet up this sunday
for like kayaking and um but what i wanted to discuss is like a guy i just did a video call
on holy yesterday and today we were like basically on the video call um he was talking a lot
and then he would ask i'd be like well do you have any questions for me and he would ask a
question but then you get so excited and like interject and hijack the conversation and he
had told me at the end of the conversation joanne i just want you to communicate with me
i want you to feel like you can tell me how i feel i mean how you feel you know i want you to be open
and so this morning he had texted me and then um i told him how i felt and i said yeah i i want he's
like i wasn't sure if i was came off you know like it was too much for you you weren't interested
i said no i still want you to come visit me i still like get want to get to know you but like
i said i've told him this a couple times i want more like reciprocal conversation like i i need
space to share without interrupting and i think that's how you get to you'll get to know me more
and he felt he said he felt so bad and so i called him i was like you don't need to feel bad and
it's okay and then he was like oh no i can't see your face um and so so oh no it's fine it's my
zoom and then so long story short we ended up texting a lot and uh we were no i got on the phone
and i started sharing with him how i felt like i just like i appreciate this you know wait wait
well yeah i did we talked about that conversation like the back and forth and he was totally
respectful and then he was sharing he just over shares a lot he's like sure it's like what he
shared with me like in the first video to even today was like what people share within like
at least one month of dating you know and and then like i shared something that i had a concern he
said i'm to myself i don't really have a lot of friends i'm just like to myself you know and i
said well i i don't that's not i i can't i don't date guys unless they have healthy community and
and he and then he ended up hanging up the phone on me and then he he hung up the phone i thought
it was like a disconnection like oh what happened like the phone dropped he's like i just feel
terrible about myself i feel like you're like you basically i've turned like you decided you
don't think this is gonna work and he basically told me he really likes me like really likes me
and he thinks i'm like the best thing he's ever met in his life and so he's was freaked out like
he met this woman that he never thought like he could ever meet and he feels like he just
couldn't handle the rejection so he hung up on me and then i we were texting and he's like
I think you just, you're worthy so much more.
I think you should just be with another guy
who doesn't have as much trauma and has a better family.
And I was just feeling so bad too.
I'm like, am I being codependent right now?
Because I'm like, he's like, okay, I wish you the best.
I just, and I was like,
I just encourage you to have good community
because I really feel like that makes healthy relationship
that I've learned from my past mistakes.
Like when I didn't have healthy community,
that person didn't have healthy community, it's bad.
And he's like, okay, well, you know,
he was just trying to say, I understand.
And, you know, I would do this for you,
but it seems like you don't want this.
And then he was like, goodbye.
And I started crying.
I was like, what is going on?
Why am I crying?
Like what is, I know, I'm a total feeler.
So I'm like, am I having compassion?
Am I being codependent?
What is this?
Am I reliving some trauma?
And then he was like, goodbye, I love you.
And I was like, I love you?
What is going on?
Yes, I know.
And I don't even know how we got on the phone.
We got on the phone again and we talked it out.
And then we laughed about it, the whole thing.
And he was just like, I never,
I want to like talk to you and be with you, Joanne.
It's just that I was saying goodbye
because I could tell you wanted to be like, this isn't,
I'm not measuring up.
And I couldn't handle like meeting this ideal,
perfect woman and being like,
no, you don't meet up to my standards.
So anyways, I'm like, is this red flags?
Is this red flags?
Is this red flags on the guy?
It's a red flag party, baby.
So yeah, yeah, that's very unhealthy, Joanne.
And that's very unhealthy.
And yeah, that's very unhealthy.
That's very unhealthy behavior and he needs counseling.
Okay, and so he does, you can't help him
and that's not the position that you want to be in.
So I'm gonna give you an example.
When he says to you, oh, he hung up on you
because I just feel so horrible that I just can't be,
you can say, okay, all right, thanks for letting me know.
But what happens is you respond and try to console him.
It's okay.
No, see, don't, no, don't beat yourself up.
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
This is a grown man.
He's not a little boy.
He's not your son.
He's an adult man.
How old is he?
He's 41.
There's a grown man.
And then so you take on the position of a mama
and coddle him.
Because he hangs up on you and beats himself up
when you call him back.
So he's dishonorable to you, just hangs up on you.
Basically, then you call him.
No, I didn't end up calling him.
He actually tried to call me like several times.
Well, when he called you, he tells you,
yeah, how stupid he is.
He beats himself up.
And da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
And he's like, I'm really sorry.
I won't do it again.
I was like, I hate hangups.
And he's like, I won't, I promise I won't.
Yeah, but the problem is that it's this constant,
his world is to please Joanne.
I know.
Now, I want you to know it's like now you're doing it
because you're talking to him.
But I want you to imagine what it would be like
to have a husband like that.
I want you to imagine what it's gonna be like
to have a husband when a decision needs to be made
and he makes the wrong one and he goes into
a little, like a little baby.
And then you gotta coddle him
and live with the mess he's made.
Because it ain't gonna be cute no more
when you have a boy that's supposed to show up as a husband.
And so this pattern that he has,
this always, this is a constant pattern with him, Joanne.
And it is a red flag and it's very unhealthy.
And I don't encourage you to try to fix him,
to tell him he needs community,
to tell him he needs that.
And he needs to be this for Joanne.
And Joanne needs this and Joanne needs that.
And this is the life Joanne wants,
so you be that for Joanne.
Because if you keep talking to him,
you're sending a message that,
okay, now you rise up to the occasion.
And he's like, I just keep messing up.
I talked too much, didn't I?
Oh no, I'm not enough to measure up for one.
Oh hell, Joanne, queen of the world.
You're a person that is just as flawed as he is.
He just can't do that.
But that's the point is this, he has this,
you don't, you shouldn't,
you don't have to tell another adult
that another person is flawed.
They've lived long enough to know that people carry flaws.
Does that make sense and so there's this like, you know, you don't have to assure him that you have flaws
Anybody who's had the forgiveness of Christ knows that we all come with something, you know
So it's a level when we don't recognize that somebody else could have issues too is just because we haven't you know
Maybe gotten help from my own but that's not the world road. I want to go down
There's a blinder in the way that he processes things is what I'm saying
That he doesn't see you as a person and that he keeps putting you on a pedestal sure you may be a wonderful woman
But he doesn't know you
Everybody
Everybody comes with something that needs to be cultivated and I believe that anytime a man believes that he's not worthy of you
That he doesn't understand your value. He'll never know how to treat you. Well because he doesn't even believe he deserves you
So what chance we ever have it getting it right he doesn't believe he deserve you
Yeah
Right. And so that is a problem and I think it's very unhealthy to consider continue conversing with this young man
And being some type of rescuer for his emotional
roller coasters all the time
I was thinking too. I was like, this doesn't seem healthy, but I'm like, why am I being drawn? Is this my mom stuff?
What is going on? What is happening? Why am I getting so well?
It's okay. It's just a thing, you know, like it's just like, you know
Have you ever talked to somebody and you were for sure you didn't want them and
Then when y'all broke it out you walk by and they didn't even look at you. He's like, wait a minute. You stopped wanting me
Let me see if I say someone you won't be again who's ever experienced it like the person you didn't want
They said you broke it out. Then all of a sudden they didn't act the same way like they wanted you so bad no more
You don't want me. I bet you won't me. You don't want them to want you again
I'm just saying like this. That's the thing. So yeah, I don't want you to be
What is that? Is that like am I being an emotional hoarder? Like it's
This man is talking to you like you to Queen of England, baby
Yes, why you like talking to her and he's like I will drive now to come see you for like
Drive six and a half hours. You tell me what day what time I'll come I'm like
Really? Oh, that's too intense. That's too much man. Yeah, I'm just I'm a concern and so
Yeah, send him to the man's community to do some inner work since he'll do anything for you you can tell him about 18
1812 I think this the means community
But you told me not to not to refer not to fix not to help you once they're talking to
So I should just say I'm sorry, bro. I can't I I don't I think we need a part ways
Are you comfortable with talking to him?
Do you see that this is an issue like it keep popping up to you
There's something it feels needy like even now he's like texting blowing up my phone. I'm like, this is way too much
Yeah, how about you say? Hey, I understand that you feel certain way about me and I hear I hear you
But I need you to hear me that this is not gonna work well for me
And this thing
Is since he already believed that he won't work no way it ain't gonna be too far from the bottom when you tell him
Well, he still wants to make it work. But regardless it's not good for me. I don't think it's healthy. It's so unstable
I'm like, oh my gosh, what's going on? I don't I'm not I'm not an unstable person. This make me unstable
Well, he's not making you unstable. He's causing you to set boundaries and make decisions to show your stability
So it's not a matter of you're not being you being unstable you have to show your stability by saying hey, this is not healthy
and so
We're not best suited for each other
Okay, man, I really don't like saying those things but I have to it's so hard to say
And they set boundaries and they're not always easy and
That's why these type of relationships or friendships of people you meet serve you so well
Because you get to do the hard things
Life is full of hard things that none of us want to do
But at some point it calls for it. And so you have to make a decision
Are you willing to pay the cost that is gonna be to stay in this toxicity or you will you set a boundary and
The boundary didn't look like but we can be friends
You're not interested in friendship.
You're interested in friendship with people
who help sharpen you and help you grow.
You didn't set up to have a friendship with him.
He pursued you romantically.
Okay, thank you for the clarity.
Yeah.
But I wasn't like, yeah.
I'm like, I think it's this red flag.
Yeah, red flag central, red flag party.
Yes, it was a red flag last week.
It's a red flag this week.
At least it's been less than,
at least it's been only 24 hours, dude.
Like, thank Jesus.
Yeah, he's a tough one.
Yeah, okay.
Thank you for sharing though, it's been fun.
You'll be sharing about somebody else really soon.
You're such a beautiful woman.
You won't have a problem at all.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay, we got eight minutes and we got three, two people.
Go Felicia, tell us about this date
that this guy you met halfway and y'all had a blast.
Oh my God, you're gonna have to work
through this with me, Ebony.
I just want, I can't wait to surprise you.
I just, you know, like you had said,
when I get shy away, I realized that
there was something that was not coming through
and it's because I was asking, you know, direct question.
And after coaching, which I told you,
I always so get help.
I don't know if everyone is like that.
Man, you just get so moved after coaching.
And I was able to just get serious and said,
listen, we need to talk.
And then, you know, I find out that he's so used to
all the women that he met on the apps,
throw themselves at him and come to see him.
And they drive miles and fly from,
I think you said a woman came from Africa
and they came to him.
So when I gave him that proposal,
that this is a guideline that we're gonna do,
he did not want to accept that at all.
He pushed back on it and,
but he wasn't pushing back on it
when I was talking to you last week Tuesday,
is after coaching, I get into the rhythm of it
and said, listen, we need to talk.
And he was just like, you know,
he'd never get proposed that before.
He's not used to that.
He don't know what that is.
So I just decided to just let him know that,
listen, this is the guideline that I'm following.
And, you know, what I do now
is what I'm gonna able to do into a relationship.
And I don't wanna break boundaries and guidelines.
I don't wanna use the word rules, but guidelines,
because I'm gonna do the same thing into the relationship.
And I said, wouldn't you think that's what happened?
And he said, yes, you're not gonna trust me.
So I said, listen, I think we need to just decide
that we're not aligned in that area.
And he didn't wanna take it,
but I just decided that's what I'm gonna do.
That's my decision.
Cause he didn't wanna meet halfway.
And he was just making up a lot of,
cause he was talking about work and a lot of stuff.
And then he get two days off from his,
from both jobs at the same day, on the same day.
And he still didn't wanna do it.
And that's why I said, I need to talk to him.
So he didn't wanna do it.
So I just end it.
So it phase out.
Yeah, they do phase out after I did like him,
but it phase out, phase out after a day, next.
So that was what was going on.
And then I have this other guy that I'm talking to,
but I don't think I am talking to him.
I think he's choosing when to talk to me
and that's phasing out too, because he's someone,
you know, the long distance,
I don't think it's really working for me,
but he's on a schedule.
And his schedule comes with a lot of boundaries
and cockiness, it seems to be.
And, you know, I talked to him on video call.
So I asked him,
were you planning on letting us do a video call
so you can see who you're talking to?
And he said, he was not gonna ask for a video call.
He said, there was no need.
I said, but, you know, why?
And he said, well, he needs to,
he needed his way until he decided that he wants to,
if it's someone he wants to continue talking to.
And, but anyway, all of that is phasing out.
He says hi in the morning
and then he has his calendar in the evening.
I'm not interested.
I can't know someone like that.
So I'm ready to send him a message
and let him know that that's not working.
But then I moved from Facebook dating up to The Hinge
and I'm getting a lot of success there.
I talked to this guy today
and that was really, really like a O and a half away.
And that's getting me excited
that at least I can come up with a date close by.
He's really, you know, just very interesting
and healthy seems to be, but, you know, we're just talking.
So let's see where that goes.
So that's my update for now.
Those are really good updates, Felicia.
And I agree with you about this guy.
He used to be, you know, that's the, you know,
a blessing block.
If a man...
not willing to come and see you offering to meet him halfway is really nice um but that was so
he's not a masculine man in that way to require say to you ain't nobody came from
north africa to see him unless it was his cousin baby bye you know ain't nobody
and baby they can tell you they can tell you all that nonsense they can't fool me trust me
and i have to add this listen i am a professional food inspector let me tell you the moment they
act their foolishness i just pick it up and in a healthy way i just pick it up and i say okay
that's not gonna work because if you pick it up now and it's not gonna work what are they gonna
do later on in another year another two years another three years and that is really keeping
me well that's inspecting those fruits that's right well you should say what part of africa
she came from see you joker i'm lying he needed but what you should have laughed at him you
should say call me so i can laugh at you so you can hear me like video tap and you know he know
better but now you did right to cut him out i thought he was one from what you shared last
time he was wanting to drive to see you all the way that's what he said when he got a day out
he wanted to come and he's gonna take time off work and everything but you did right and i'm
excited for you talking to the guy that's a hour and a half away you know when you want to get live
dates you really do you can talk to people at a distance but you want to try to talk to some
people that are close enough so that you can have your first date because it's easy to get caught
up in the world where you just talk to people all the time but when you go on a date i'm telling you
spark something on the inside of you just a little confident you start to feel real dainty
it's just something about it you just feel it you just feel it you feel it you're feeling you're
feeling and so okay good good update felicia thank you thank you you're welcome stephanie
and we're gonna end it with you hi i am pulling over i was just taking advantage of traffic while
um but pulling over right now okay take your time i don't like facebook dating
so um i i think i'm just really still triggered for my for my ex um so and the thing is
i was legit basically just getting no play on facebook dating and was totally fine actually
with it so i almost preferred when no one was hitting me up i thought that my algorithm was
just just had me hidden and i had to check and make sure that i that it wasn't just me
and some some of the guys profiles seem like they have not updated it since the pandemic um
bit so that's why i was like well maybe that's why because they were bored in the pandemic and
they just never shut down their account and now they're saying stuff like well it's 2020
you might as well try this and it's like like have you not even logged in to your account so
there's that finally kind of broke through and and got um one guy that is messaging me
he seems nice um but i feel like my guard is just super up because of my ex and i might also
be triggered because of yesterday being my brother's birthday and my ex being a lot like
my brother so i think that i'm just i'm i'm acknowledging that i'm a little more on edge
and i'm trying not to be so like on the defense when it comes to any guy from facebook dating
but it's really hard to not be that way right now especially when like all the guys from the
holy app have just gone m.i.a. completely um they seemed like good options but then
like they disappeared so it's god defended so i'm i'm a little bit of the abandonment wound
was trying to creep in whenever they just went m.i.a. but i squashed that right away and holy
spirit really helped with that but um yeah so it's it's been it's been challenging i am
i'm still pushing through i'm still texting and messaging with one guy and i was sick last week
and we're gonna face time at some point but i'm not enthused about it i'm i'm i'm like dragging
my feet through the mud because of i think because of the fact that i met him on facebook dating so
yeah
You guys, you know, Stephanie, online dating just comes with its challenges.
It's not a cakewalk all the time.
Sometimes it's good and fun, and then you could choose any app you want.
All of them are going to have their ups and downs, and you don't have to do the app, but
you have to be very active outside of the app to meet someone, to approach people more,
to try to get you some winged women and go out, and then when you're ready to do that,
you have these thoughts, because I've had them too.
Oh, but how do I know if they're a believer?
You don't really ask the person there when you first meet them.
At least on the dating app, I can read if they're a Christian, they say a little bit
more about themselves, and so it's like you do have that advantage, but somebody just
posted, which is true, for Tisa, a lot of these men don't put a lot about themselves.
Like, what you mean?
Somebody you want to know just asked.
I ain't going to ask you nothing.
I'm not going to do it.
It's going right past your profile.
You should have wrote something.
It's a dating app, so you ain't intentional enough for me, because you don't even take
time to create your information for somebody to get to know you.
I can tell we ain't for each other.
Or the angry profiles.
Oh.
The angry profiles drive me crazy.
It's like, well, you're just way too negative, and the fact that you
have said multiple times, multiple ways that you want a woman that is biologically a woman,
it's like, who hurt you?
What have you been through so bad that you're saying that several different ways?
Yeah, men, a lot of them have, and the JK has talked about those negative profiles before
and just seeing that, okay, this person has a lot going on and realize they're not the
one.
A lot of times, I don't even read them because they come out so strongly, and then there
are a lot of women who post negative profiles.
Don't talk to me if you ain't got no car, you ain't got no job, I ain't trying to be
this, I don't need this from you, dah, dah, dah, dah, and so then men see that, and then
they repost something the same way.
I ain't got no money for you, I got my own house, I got my own car, don't come for me,
I got this, and I got ... I'm like, golly, and it's just like, look, bro, I don't go
on.
You a different level type of man, that's my quality of a man, and so really, when I
read them, I'm like, oh, great, I see who you are.
I can tell where you are, and that's okay, there's another woman for that type of man,
just not me.
But so, Steph, I can understand you being discouraged, and you can always take a break.
You don't have to be, you know you don't have to do it.
I know that I can't allow myself to take a break, because if I take a break, then that
break will last for a year, so I can't do that, and I have to be super transparent with
my community, like you as the coach, and everyone else, because I know that I will back all
the way back, but I am going to a white party with my roommate on Saturday, and I'm going
to that.
There's a guy that might be there that she wants to introduce me to, while I was on this
call, walking downstairs from work, there was a guy on the stairway that was talking
to me, was trying to spark a little conversation as well, so I'm trying to be smiley and intentional,
so yeah.
I like that.
I like this, gonna meet, gonna this, like all these different things just, they bring
an energy to them, and I'm excited that you're partaking in it, and you're right, sometimes
when we get discouraged and say, I'm just going to take a break, guess what, that break
could cause you, I'm not saying you shouldn't rest when you're tired, so don't hear what
I'm not saying, but sometimes, like she said, if I stop now, it'd be two, three years, three,
four, five years, you know what I'm saying, you're just like, I'm going to do my own thing
for a little while, a little while, women can get content, three, four years, five years,
you know, and so I understand that, and I think that you're doing well, in spite of
all your triggers, you're still moving forward, and I'm happy for you.
Thank you, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'll keep you posted, I'm nervous about this white party,
and about meeting friends of friends, I felt more comfortable, I think, with the app and
the strangers, with the friends of friends, so.
Well, you just get cute, make sure you smell good.
Yes.
I have a dress, it's cute, so.
Post us a picture.
Okay, I'll do that.
Okay.
All right, ladies, well, it has been a blast, and I've enjoyed you all so much.
Please post in the...
In the app, let me know how things are going and what's a white party a white party is where it's like a
Summer party where everyone's wearing white
Yep, my all white part. I want to go to me somebody little pot. I got a white dress
Well, look it was so good to see y'all to hear y'all some faces I haven't seen I heard Stephanie was in in the house
I heard a voice and saw her little picture. And so I am so excited
I hope you ladies have a good night in a good rest of your weekend. We will talk soon. Have a good night
Thank you. Have a great night. Thank you. Ebony. God bless y'all. Bye
Thanks so much
Good night. Love you, Ebony. I love you
Bye ladies
Bye