but at first I didn't hear you but now I hear you.
Nice yes it's my first time nice to meet you too.
Nice to meet you and you Sandy Hernandez?
Yes it's my first time.
Yes nice to meet you well I'm Ebony and how do you say your name is it Alea Alaa?
It's Alaa.
Alaa I know this is not your first time this is your second time right?
First time on the evening Zoom.
Oh so I've just responded to you in the chat.
Yes thank you.
Okay all right you're welcome all right okay I'm all caught up so it's so good to see you
ladies tonight we're gonna get started I'll be calling our names all day because I like
to greet y'all on a personal level I don't want you to feel like you're in some huge Zoom
it's very intimate space and so I'm excited tonight let's just pray Father God I thank
you for this evening I thank you for every single one of these ladies I thank you for
their faith journey that they get to take with you look some people just get married
and others of us have to believe by faith for the manifestation of it and so we thank
you for this process because in this process we get to know you differently everybody's
gonna get to know you some kind of way on some journey in their life and so we're excited
about this journey that you chose with us to do it with us in Jesus name we thank you
for wisdom and kingdom solutions on tonight amen amen yes holy spirit come in and make
yourself manifest on tonight so I already have hands up before we do that I want to
take just a few minutes how many of you guys were on the Sunday prophetic call
no no yeah Anita you were there well look it was not I know Helen you were there yes you
were Helen you were there and some of you guys you already have your hands up and Stephanie
you were there just because for questioning that's fine but that's so good and so what
I want to do is something that we did Sharai you were there also and Lori heard the replay
listened to the replay it was absolutely fantastic supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
good it was such a faith builder and for all of you hey Brandy and for all of you that
weren't there I want us to do this again and why do I want to do that again is because it was
a faith builder and when you're on a journey of faith you need faith building you need
fire starters you need to hear about the goodness of God over and over and over and over and over
and over and every day you need a dose of it and every day you need more of it and you don't get
enough to last it doesn't work that way you gotta keep getting it and keep getting it and keep
getting it and so I have just an example I have a women's group it's a women's prophetic group we
get together and we come together we get words for our weeks for our families for our month
and we're in a group chatting all the time God did this oh man I thought he was gonna do it
then do this this made me sad but then somebody posts he did this and he did that and it just
keeps you it keeps you fed it keeps you hungry it keeps you excited it keeps you trusting it
keeps you believing that God is in your neighborhood you know if he did it for somebody else
he's around the corner he's doing it all around you so good to see that so this is what we're
gonna do each one of you guys are gonna post something in the chat that God has done for you
like a breakthrough that he did in your life like uh it could be a miracle any you can call it a
miracle call it a breakthrough but I want you to put something in there for the other for us to
read what God has done in your life and this is gonna build a faith and you're gonna see what I'm
up in the chat the time frame doesn't matter you can go back to your childhood baby when I tell you
God is faithful he faithful it don't have no time limit ain't on it ain't no expiration date on God's
faithfulness and what he's done I'm telling you no matter when he does it still speaks the same
just like when we think about when Noah built the ark it still speaks the same testimony
just when we think about the Bible says in the beginning that the Lord creates the heavens and
earth and the and the earth was void and without form and it says that the spirit of God hovered
over the earth and then God spoke I don't care how many times you hear that he does something
it's like come on God speak again the Bible says he spoke the spoke the night and in the day and
he and he you know he spoke the um the told to see where to go like he just began speaking and
everything appeared and as much as we hear God spoke it just like something on the inside of us
and so yes I didn't mean to go on that little preach but I'm just telling you
it ain't like bread it don't
Get still it just get gooder and gooder and better and better. We're gonna be like david
We would have fainted unless we believed to see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living
We are not gonna faint tonight. We're not gonna faint on this journey. You remember these are just one of your journeys
Come on now. This is just one of your journeys. This is not the end all be all
This is just one of your journeys in christ that you get to take that you get to partner with him and know him differently
That you get to partner with him and know that he's faithful
I declare for every one of y'all while y'all are feeling this chat up with the goodness of god that your life
Will declare that god is good
I'm talking about the very essence of your life will speak of his goodness
Your life will speak of his faithfulness and see that's the kind of thing we're going after on tonight
Your life is going to declare who god is no words. Just your life all by himself. How did you get that?
It was god
How did how did you get that how did you get a husband like that it was god
I could spoke something on sunday night and she said
She said you guys
You guys this thing is supernatural
Your love story is supernatural and i'm telling you i've heard jackie say that so many times
And when she said I was like, oh
Yeah
Because in the process of partnering with heaven
Getting on the dating sites doing the hard work getting the setback bouncing back again
Getting back up getting ghosted picking through this you thought it was the one it's not the one you forget that it's supernatural
Because you better did so much work
You ain't sitting on your butt waiting on amazon to drop you a man if you were doing that I can see you know
What i'm saying, but we're putting in the work. We're doing our part
But we can't forget that there's a part called the supernatural where he puts his super to our natural
And we don't have control of that part
We only have control of the part we have and when we have control of that part
Sometimes we start to believe that we have control of the whole process
And we forget to surrender the pen
Because the truth be told if we can make it happen, baby
We would i'm telling you ain't nobody getting on the bus to wait on no husband. We're gonna make that thing happen
Rightfully so ain't nothing wrong with that. God has given us wisdom. He's given
He's given us a mind. That's how you show up and be who you are because of what god put in you
right, and so
I just want to say that uh, and i'm gonna open up the chat because it seems like they done piled up now and i'm
So excited. I like when all the testimonies just start piling up on you
and um
It's just overflow. Um, so a recent thing. Um, okay now, uh, uh
Heal and save my dad. Come on. Hallelujah
And y'all don't be afraid to come on
Because when you clap and when you say hallelujah
If that thing is sending in on the inside you hearing it is sitting in on the inside. Okay. Now, which one lord so much?
I love that felicia. Um, I have my dream job the job. I prayed for when I graduated from college. Come on ronda
Hallelujah
And y'all can unmute and say hallelujah. I don't want to be the only one I know you want to make
To the lord. Oh he lands
A recent thing that god did was one of one of one of cases that was going to get denied got approved
Come on, we are not next we are now we're not tomorrow. We are today
It got approved. It was supposed to be denied. But guess what her case was different and so is yours
All right, he has helped me recently to achieve my career goal. Yes praise jesus
God helped me recover 100 of my very expensive security deposit
Every single penny was returned
Hallelujah god, we bless you
Me too, but for me, it was my insurance trip claim. Come on
He's in our neighborhood, I need some returns some checks in the mail who needs some checks in the mail
I am literally waiting on the insurance company to send my check. He in my neighborhood. Come on
He in my name and I just said today lord
Let him give me more than they was supposed to somehow some way, you know, however, you could make it happen
All right. He has I made the thing
Uh, he has blessed me and my kids with a home from habitat humanity. Come on, won't he give you a hand?
Thank you lord
Ain't nothing like when you and your babies need somewhere to lay your head in safety in a home
Where they can have a bathroom to go into they can have a living room in the city. Come on. God is faithful
He cares for us
All right
prophetic word about my marriage and i've been birthing something in intercession the last couple of weeks and
Bethany or jackie was talking about it this weekend. Praise god for
information come on the birthing process is not easy it comes with a long journey comes with pain
it comes with a whole shebang i've never had a baby before but i watched my sister have a baby
she's had five but on the last one i passed out i just i don't know i just
she does home birth and i just went out for the count come on so i know all right um i don't
group three hold up i want to i'll talk about that for you laura uh yeah thursday is one of the days
um he helped me break off a dating relationship and to be honest without much anxiety for the
first time holly come on hallelujah that is not an easy task i love the way that you um broke
out something because it speaks to you setting boundaries it speaks to you saying i know what's
best for me no i don't want this like that is major come on thank you jesus we just declare do
it again god over every woman in here do it again every month i'm declaring yes do it again it's okay
if y'all talk about i'm talking it's like saying thank you lord hallelujah go for it it's just a
good note sounding to the lord i will provide a home and a job and community praise and glory be
to god come on thank you jesus thank you lord home and community and a job come on we ain't
struggling we got community to support us in our home in our new job praise you lord
what else we got okay i'm almost out of my little time oh god is so faithful
the same money that didn't pay the bills when my ex-husband was in the home paid the bills
after he left hallelujah hallelujah now god provides more money than before you know sometimes
you hold on to something because you think you need that little money and god said just let it
go and watch what i do with the money you got he is a god that can stretch some m-o-n-e-y
he does what he do but he can do it come on my daughter says if it's god's will it's on god's
will yes yes yes yes i agree praise the lord i like that god has provided so many times yes
hallelujah um some drivers are cute which drivers mandy
god allow me to get my teaching job during the pandemic and i moved to
texas after a terrible first year of teaching hallelujah thank you jesus talking about
restoration yes god has prospered me he has blessed me by allowing me to be a grandma for
the first time in my life hallelujah hallelujah you want to show us a picture of your grandbaby
hold it up to the camera i would love to see your baby right now i'm in the midst of helping
my friends buy a house that 10 years ago i was used i was used to purchase uh say that for me
anita you're helping your friend buy a house that it used to be a house safe house for women
survivors and now it's being sold and it looks like my friends are going to be able to buy it
oh wow that is such a miracle hallelujah yeah it's there's it's a long story but i mean it's
just has god all over it and i live in one of the most expensive areas in the country and my
my friends have six kids and this tiny little house and i've been trying to find them a place
for over a year just because this is and anyways when this they when i found out it hasn't been put
on the market yet so we were able to make a deal you know before it came on and contractors
started bidding for it and so it's just um it's the most glorious thing yeah praise jesus thank
you for sharing that sure yeah that's awesome hallelujah all right someone said got somebody
sent them 500 today come on hallelujah ain't nothing like money in the hand i felt led to
pa to oh i think pa is pennsylvania but i'm not sure to ohio so i did he provided a free
place to live for four months then a rental for half the market price then when i was finishing
up a temporary job he provided a full-time teaching job here's the wildest part i remember seeing the
school's website and i intentionally did not apply for it yet somehow the principal got my resume and
called me on the exact day i had i had the next free um the exact day i have the next day free for
Interview, I just started year three at this school. Come on
Talking about many of the plans in the man's heart, but it is the lord that establishes his footsteps
God said I know what you think but I got something else for you. Hallelujah
God blessed me with a home when I didn't think I could afford it
He healed me and in kins and I can see him working in my cousin's life. She was baptized recently
Hallelujah what we're talking about?
Salvations welcome to the family and thank god. He blessed you with a home
I'm, so excited about that and he healed you. Yes. I'm on a homebound journey also
So that is so encouraging. He gave you the ability to rest when you need it. Now, that ain't the testimony. Come on. Hallelujah
We need the lord to sit ourself down
Sometimes we just won't stop. It's such a blessing god is faithful and bringing me through every difficult season
Hallelujah in the end let me scroll down a little bit more
We got a couple more. He brought me to a great neighborhood and wonderful neighbors praise jesus for t. Yes
That is a blessing god healed my body fully. Thank you. Jesus god gave me my teaching job
Which is an amazing testimony and god saved me out of my first marriage and kept me safe
Open doors of ministry for me over the years. Hallelujah
After my husband went home to be with the lord we had a truck on thirty two thousand dollar balance
I was joined by one of my mentors and um speaking it to remove permanent from my credit
I had to hand over the truck and trust god that it was already done
It was moved and total clean from my credit and someone needless sent me
$10,000 the same day to buy me a car without dick. Oh, oh jesus
God
Oh my word
Okay, come on
Let's see
Okay, did I get them all yet? God word never fails. He is never late always on time. Uh
i've
What?
Okay, I missed that part up but after waiting patiently god opened the floodgates you won the job making the most money i've ever made
Still doing what I love. This is my second week in training. Hallelujah a new job making more than you ever made
hallelujah
Well ladies, I mean who thinks that's encouraging
I wanted to
Pull this scripture up for you because I wanted you to think about this
I have been meditating on this in the book of lamentations chapter three
and the prophet is
I know y'all can't see me but
I you probably can but i'm trying to get i'm on another screen. So I don't really know how that works
All right in the book of lamentations chapter three and i'm not about to preach a sermon
But i'm finna tell you the prophet was wailing
right
And he was crying and he was saying that my hope was gone and I don't even know what prosperity looks like anymore
He said I mean he said all kind of things like, you know
The lord had put his teeth to the dust and um, he was bitter and he was wailing he had lost all hope
And then he said
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope
That's what I wanted this activity to be for you
Yet this I call to mind and yet I have hope yet this whatever your testimony is
I call to mind and yet I have hope the prophet goes on to say it's because of the lord's tender mercies
That his compassions that I am not consumed
Great is his faithfulness toward me
And so no matter how many challenge how challenging this gets I want you to use this to call to your mind
Yet this one thing I call to mind whatever the lord has done
Hallelujah. Now, there are a lot of hands up
If you're not if you had your hand up just for like, thank you lord
Go ahead and drop them now and then I can see where we are. And if I do out of order, i'm tired
It's it's done now, so i'm just gonna go across the screen as I see it, okay, go ahead. Yes. Um, yes
I'm gonna say it wrong. Just sending
I'm, sorry, go ahead. Oh, that's okay. Um, it's yesenia
Um, so i'm not discouraged yet
But
But I do need prayer because this is going to be my second week on a christian dating site
And I have zero likes to the point where my sister was like is yours disabled or something?
And i'm like, I don't think so
but
It's upward
Okay
Yeah, so just prayer
So that I don't get discouraged. Do you want to get on another app?
I tried but they're so expensive like they want like 60 bucks a month. Oh, I know. Are you on facebook?
I am not
Maybe I should try
that one yeah you you'll have to are you do you have a facebook profile i do but i don't really
use it oh yeah it's free and you may see more people in the community all around you
and so um i just i don't know where you went to on the screen i'd like to look at
because you put your hand out but i'm gonna find you yeah i think that i would encourage
you to try another app um okay that's my encouragement to you i would pray for you
but i do want you to try another app because i know that it probably could feel very convincing
that because upward is a christian app um but upward is a big hit and miss it's kind of like
if you go on arc arc is from it's just coming to this area so you're not going to find a lot of
people and so i'm saying to you some of your discouragement is not really about you um
someone just posted that they'll wait until you pay so that they can push you out more and so i
just want you to know like it could be just some of that i paid for it i paid like right away when
i signed up oh well you know what's your money worth how much long did you pay i just paid for
the three months i think that was the option so i did that that's right yeah well do do your second
one do it with facebook because it's free you're gonna feel good just to get some hits it's nice
um have you liked anybody yeah like the first day i was like let me just get some you know
activity going but i know it's fun too you know yeah but i mean when i go out i always get
approached and talked to but i'm just scared if i don't get prayer now i will be discouraged
at some point god we thank you that yesenia is uh that that that the best of the best
that the cream of the crop is drawn to her that you put a a glorious shield around her
and god if it's not the cream of the crop and the best of the best just let them stay where they are
and we trust you that she's god defended and you're leading this journey and i it's gonna
get better it always does sounds good thank you and amen i agree i'm in agreement yes okay you'll
be writing us about it on the wall telling us soon um yes receive that as well helen um
i'm gonna say it the way i phonetically see it but your next uh i know that jay should sound like
hoka hoka go hoka i'm gonna start right there yeah actually when i was in college that was my
college nickname hoka that was my college nickname so i kind of want to process something just for
yesenia really quick i i've tried upward in the past and it wasn't that great either but right
now i'm on coffee meets bagel and that's actually where my question leads to so i met some guy from
coffee meets bagel um i decided to be more open-minded because that's one of the things i
had to let go in level one um because part of my thing was um it's gonna sound so bad but i was
like i'm done with latino men i was i was having one of those like moments where i was like okay
i've already tried dating other cultures and it was just so much better that i was like okay i'm
done but that's one of the things that in level one that got highlighted to me and so i match
with this guy because he had a really nice profile and um so i've actually like really
impressed like he's just such a like he's a good guy he's christian like he's accomplished because
i'm an attorney so that was like really important to me to have somebody like who was also like you
know had his own thing going on and you know he's in real estate so i like him and so we've been
talking pretty much like uh this was our second date was on saturday oh um our second date was on
saturday but i'm just not sure if like like dating like in a holy way like how slow it is
because like you know he didn't really like try to hold my hand or try to be cute or anything like
that and he had so many opportunities to do so like i actually even asked him like we were walking
like i'm we were um i don't know if you guys you guys probably not familiar with this area but i'm
from long beach and so we went to shoreline village which is a popular place in long beach
and i've been there a ton of times and like um and like they're you know they're like you know
there's like vendors and like i know and one of one of the vendors was like oh are you gonna buy
her a flower
and I turned around and I was like,
are you gonna buy me a flower?
And he just like kept on walking, you know, like,
and I, cause I was like,
well, I think I kind of made it clear that I do want one.
Cause I kind of did when he said that I was just like,
well, I do want a flower, you know?
And like I said, like no action.
And we were talking like the whole,
since that was like our second,
like the whole prior to this, prior to the second date,
like we were talking for like two hours on the phone
when we did talk on the phone.
I think it was like three times that week.
And so that's why I'm like, how slow is too slow?
Yeah.
You know, or, or, you know,
I know that he really wants to do things right.
He made that clear that he's like,
Oh, like I want to make sure that, you know,
I'm, I'm being holy and being, you know, a good,
you know, being a man of God throughout this whole thing.
But I wasn't sure whether, you know what I mean?
Like, I didn't really get a lot of like,
of that romanticism.
Yeah. Well, tell me this.
What him, what, what is it that you desire?
You want him to do?
You want him to hold your hand and whatever?
Yes. Yes.
That's what I was just like, you know,
we were walking on shoreline,
which is like by the beach and like,
didn't try to hold my hand, didn't buy a flower.
I mean, at the beginning he just said that I look nice,
but even when I like, I had asked him,
like during one of our calls, if he found me attractive,
just because I had a bad experience a couple of months ago
where some guy like after the first date kind of like
made that clear that he didn't really find me attractive
after the first date.
And so I was just like, I just want to be clear.
It's not that you have to like say anything,
but I just, just want to get the baseline that you want,
that you actually find me attractive.
And he was just like, well, yeah, you have your charm.
That was pretty much it.
And yeah, who suggested the second date?
He did.
We were talking and he was like,
no, I want to connect with you again.
And we kept on going back and forth with it.
And like, even in the, I need to stop this.
I need to like, not that I need to stop this,
but it's, I'm very straightforward and very honest.
And we were going back and forth.
Like every time we had a conversation during the week,
he was like, oh, let's connect on Saturday.
Let's connect on Saturday.
And then he would say, oh, let's hang out again.
But he wouldn't like pick a place
on where we were going to like hang out and stuff.
First, he was saying that he was going to come to my area,
you know, where I live in Huntington,
which is another beach city.
And I was just like, oh, I thought that was cool.
But then he was like, no,
you should come to my area and go hiking.
And then he was saying that, and I was just like,
hey, do you like not know how to plan a date?
Because we keep on going back and forth.
And I'm used to dating like masculine men
where it's like date time show up and that's it, you know?
So I was just like, okay.
And he was like, yeah, I do.
And so I'm just kind of like unsure in that.
Yeah, for sure.
Okay.
And now I mean, granted,
I don't have everything when I'm processing this.
So you can throw in other thoughts as I'm throwing back out.
So you're a lawyer, so you're used to taking charge.
Yeah.
Okay.
You could possibly be giving off a lot of masculine energy.
So when you look back at a man and say,
are you going to buy me a flower?
It's almost like you're putting demand on him
to do something you want.
He's not free flowing.
So the fact that he whipped you,
that he didn't buy it, right?
No, he didn't.
Right, he stood, you say there's not masculine,
that's masculine to say, no,
I'll make a decision if I want to buy you a flower.
But when you turned around and said, are you going to do it?
Now he could have said, oh yeah, I could have.
But that would have gave to you that this is a man
that does what he thinks pleases you.
That's not what you want.
You want a man that can make his own decisions.
And even in the face of that, that was heavy pressure.
For you to look back at him and say,
are you going to do this?
Cause you pretty much say it, I want it.
Now you don't do it.
I don't think that has anything to do with pressure.
Now what you could have said is, oh, I do want a flower.
He may not get it, but I would like to get it.
Like you could have said that, right?
Or you could have left it quiet to let him do it.
The reason why, whether he did it or not,
if you had held your tongue,
it would have put you in a very feminine position.
Probably want to practice shifting over your energy.
I know that you feel like,
oh, this is just, I'm just straight forward.
But that type of energy is not going to help you.
How can I attract a masculine man to you?
Yeah, but the thing is, in the past,
I've gone out with Middle Eastern men,
and they just automatically are like that.
And I never give that kind of energy.
I just comply, because they're just already like that.
Because I had went on a date the previous week
with a guy who was Egyptian, and I never
gave off that kind of energy.
Because it was like, this is what we're going to do.
This is what it's going to be.
And I don't.
I've been in that position.
And so this guy is more different.
So it just kind of brings out that in me.
He should be.
Rightfully so, he should be different.
It can bend you toward that way, but you
have to stabilize your own self.
You have to decide what position are you going to stand in.
And then you've got to hold your ground right there.
Middle Eastern men also are more dominating.
There's a difference between masculinity and domination.
And Middle Eastern men are more dominating.
There's nothing wrong with that, more dominating.
I used to believe that I would have to marry a dominating
man to tame me.
Because I am very forward, very plowhead.
I will run over you with a bulldozer.
No lie.
Something in me will rise up because the way
I've been raised from controlling women,
I will go head to head with a man.
I had to learn that that's not the order
that I needed to operate in.
So I'm just saying, I had to, though.
I have to pull myself back in.
Even when there's things that I don't like,
even when I want them to make a decision,
even when they're going back and forth, I just get quiet.
And let them just kind of like...
Just until I decide, like, hey, well,
you haven't made a decision.
And so let me know next time I put it on the calendar.
You let things like that speak for you.
Like you give them space to be who they are
so you can discover who they are.
You don't have to accept who they are.
That's your choice.
But you don't want to lead them and tell them
who to be to suit you best.
Okay.
So when you relax and let back,
and that's how you let them lead,
whether they do a poor job at leading or not,
you're just trying to let them be who they are.
Right?
And so I wanted to say that.
And so every man gets an opportunity
to shape something different in us
because it is dating for discovery.
And I'm going to speed up.
It's dating for discovery.
This is something, because he is who he is,
you get to discover this about yourself.
And about him, right?
You get to discover.
You saw something about him,
but your biggest revelation is going to be about
how you're going to learn.
How I handle that situation.
Yep.
Yeah.
And how are you going to come into a place
where you can set yourself solid
and say, if I want a kingdom man, a leader,
then I have to hold a position.
And then when I see that man doesn't have,
or is not operating or leading me,
like the way you see best is one perspective,
one perception, right?
But you got to hold still enough to see the way he leads
and then decide if you're on board or not
without trying to tell him who to be.
That's yes.
Yes.
Right.
So I'm going to make you be this person,
but that's not what you want, actually.
If you get the right man,
he'll let you tell him who to be,
but you're going to pay for it later
because he's going to resent you.
Okay.
He's resenting you because he's folded
under the pressure of being who you wanted.
But when he gets his voice, he's going to let you have it.
Because he did everything to please you.
It was for you.
He's going to find out you're never pleasable
because anytime somebody shapes another person,
they can never be pleased.
Because it's like you're typing into a computer
and they're giving you back what you want.
And then you're going to say to yourself one day,
well, who are you?
Mm-hmm.
You're not going to last that way forever.
You're going to want to know who that man is
because it's going to make you feel that he can't lead you.
Even though he gives you everything he wants,
you're going to doubt his ability
because you know after so long,
he's just giving you what you told him you wanted.
I just want to say that.
And so I want you to position yourself
more in a feminine place,
like shift yourself because your job
and probably every other thing around you
pushes you to that place.
Like a woman who pays all her bills.
Like a woman who has to take care of her household.
You're naturally going to have a masculine energy
flowing through you
because don't nobody take care of you but you.
If it's going to get done,
you're going to want to be the one to do it.
Well, in order to come into union and marriage
and be happy in your marriage,
You've got to come into a position of humility.
You have to operate in more grace.
You have to understand that when a man and a woman
comes together, there is an order.
And the order is what serves you best.
Every little way that you can come under,
like submit or lay back, maybe come under
can be harsh for some people to receive that word,
especially if you've had some trauma in the past with marriage
or men.
Any way that you can lay back and let go,
that's going to help you.
OK, yeah.
Because I don't have traumas with previous men like that.
Because my previous relationship, he just led
and I followed, planned everything
and I just followed.
But now for the past three years where
I have been completely independent,
I mean, I can see exactly what you're
saying that I need to work on.
Because I have stepped into a masculine world.
Because after my dad died, my ex-boyfriend just
kind of took over and was just like, he was the man.
And so after we broke up, that's when
I kind of had to rebuild myself.
But I rebuilt myself into the masculine energy
because I had to take care of myself now.
So that makes total sense.
Makes total sense.
So that was great.
I'm going to step into that feminine energy more.
And one piece at a time, it's not easy.
It's not easy, but it's doable.
Just bite out small chunks.
Just very small things will get you there.
What you do in one area will navigate over, swim over
into the other area.
Yeah, and give yourself grace.
Everybody has something to grow in
and every person coming into a marriage
is going to have something to cultivate in the other person.
Yeah.
And when a man shows a woman she can be safe with him,
she becomes soft really quickly.
Yeah, no, it's true.
It's true.
That's because I've already experienced it.
I think now that I've changed so much
since that last relationship, you
don't realize how much you have stepped
into your masculine energy.
Yeah.
Oh, I want to say this, and then I'm going to move on.
I'm so glad Hellosphere brought back to my remembrance.
I want you to explore what holding someone's hand
does for you.
What does that mean to you if he held your hand?
Does it mean that he wants you?
Yes.
Yeah, that would mean he, I guess.
Yeah, I guess that he likes me more than just a friend.
He likes you more than just a friend.
Right.
And so if he doesn't hold your hand,
does it mean he doesn't like you more than a friend?
He's spending his time with you.
Mm-hmm.
What does that count for?
I mean, it does.
I guess it counts, but I'm not sure if like, I don't know.
I guess I would know for sure whether he really likes me
or not if it got, I guess, a little bit more physical.
Like, yeah, you can drive down from where you live
and meet up with me, but it's like, I'm still,
I feel like, I guess I'm still more of an option.
I guess it makes me feel like I'm more of an option.
And so that's something good to explore
because he could hold your hand and not like you at all.
He could hold your hand and just want to sleep with you.
He could not like you.
And hold your hand.
That's right, yeah.
So what we say is, so I want you to process through that
and what we say is, when you're first getting to know a person,
you know, you're first, don't do any physical contact.
Yeah.
Physical contact speeds things up.
Mm-hmm.
So that means don't hold hands.
Don't do real long hugs.
You know, hug and pull back.
You know how you can hug a real long time.
Don't hug a real long time because you could feel
the feels when you do it.
So you want to stay clear of that.
And I want to tell you this.
I know I got to move on, but I just want to say this.
You never know what physical touch can activate in a person,
especially a man.
And we don't realize how much they have to restrain themselves
because they are visual creatures.
And when they see, it activates something in them from the image.
And so when a man is operating in Christ
and he wants to operate in purity,
he has to go to further restraints than a woman would sometimes
to keep himself on the straight and narrow, right?
So you never know what one thing triggers.
What surprises me the most,
and I think that's kind of, I find intriguing,
he's actually a virgin.
Like we had a conversation about it.
I was, I'm still surprised.
I'm so kind of shocked.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever met a man like that.
Oh, interesting.
Well, it's a reason he's still a virgin.
Because he ain't holding hands.
That's right.
I think when he said that, and I was just like, oh my gosh.
Because I'm not.
Not that I've had a long list of men, but I'm not.
Yeah, well, no, no, we totally get it, yeah.
Yeah, so that's why I was just like, oh, well.
I didn't expect that from someone his age
and his accomplishments and stuff like that.
Yeah, so I'm kind of amazed at that.
So I guess I'm the one who wanted it more than him.
Because physical touch is not my love language.
But it's, I don't know.
I just wasn't, I guess, wasn't sure how to handle it.
Sometimes with a woman, we feel like we
know you want us if you desire us sexually.
That's a real thing that has been embedded in a woman.
Yes.
But it's not true.
Women have sex for love.
Men have sex to have sex.
But women, most of the times, if you
are pretty kind of OK, kind of healthy,
just not really out there.
But almost, not even got to be out there.
This ain't got nothing to do with OK out there.
I'm sorry I even said that.
We have sex for love.
When a woman has sex with a man, she usually
doesn't just give her body up, unless she's
going through some type of phase.
There's a connection that happens
with a woman when she has sex.
And so usually, a woman will have sex out of love for love.
But that's how men can have sex and get up and walk away.
And you're like, but we had sex.
What were you doing?
But we, but we, and they're like, we what?
So there's a different thing that happens.
And so that could be an underlying thing that tells you,
if he wants to hold my hand, he's attracted to me.
And you may have some underlying issues
with being attracted to me.
Like you said, that last man said it to you.
It wouldn't affect you as much unless something
could already be there.
Yeah.
Right?
And so I want, like, process through that
and let me know what you come up with.
Because I do want you free from that.
Yes.
Yeah.
Sounds good.
Yes, that was great.
That was great.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
OK, go for it, Brandi.
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
OK, I just had a question about when a man tells you
to call them, because I was talking
to a gentleman on Saturday.
We talked for an hour, and then the call
closed with him saying, yeah, well, just call me,
and then we can plan to get together.
And I could call, and maybe I will,
but I don't know if I want to.
One thing I didn't particularly like
is that he kind of cursed about the call,
so I wasn't a fan of that.
And I think right at the close of our call,
he called me greedy when I was talking about going to go eat,
and I was just like, what?
Was he making a joke?
Yeah, he was trying to make a joke,
but I don't like it when people make jokes at my expense.
I think it's strange, especially if they don't even know me.
So I didn't really care for it.
But other than that, the call went well,
and it seemed like we had some things in common.
But when he closed, he was just like, yeah, give me a call,
and then we'll go ahead and figure it out.
And I just generally don't.
I felt like in the past when I've talked to other people,
and this is not every other person I've talked to,
like the man is basically preparing
me to call him all the time, and I just don't want to do that.
Yeah.
And I do not.
OK.
I'm slow on the draw, so I don't like him doing that anymore.
But what should I be doing?
Because normally what I'll do is I'll
text him and say, hey, can you give me a call tonight when
they say that sort of thing to me, because I still
don't really want to lead.
But I can't tell if he's just trying to assess and see
if I'm interested, or if he's trying to relocate me
into his role as lead.
Yeah.
Well, OK, I've been thinking about that,
and I think something that can happen,
and you will have to evaluate yourself with this
when you're talking to people.
But when we're talking to men, if we
come with a lot of rigidness, a lot of,
I don't like this, like this.
People can tell when you are rigid.
People can tell when you're particular,
especially men, because they're observatory.
And so they can sense it.
It's the energy that's given out.
And when you're like that, you will
get a man that says, hey, look, I'm
going to put the ball back in her court,
because she likes things a certain way,
and I don't want to mess this up.
And so you think he's shifting the lead.
He's not shifting the lead.
You've proven that you want it a certain way,
and what he doesn't want to do, out of all things,
is mess it up.
So in order to not mess it up, I don't
I'll let you lead the way in this, because you're particular.
Now, talking to you, I can tell that you
seem to operate from a particularness,
even when you post things.
And I think that the particularness
that you're operating from can feel safe to you,
but it's not helpful to you, Brandy.
Because no one is going to want to lead
a person who has told them who to be,
how to be, if they want to please them.
Even if it's in small things, it'll show up,
and they're like, I don't quite know how to fit that.
I want to get to know her.
She seems like a great person.
This is a possibility.
But I don't know how to fit that.
So what I'm saying is, don't give constraints.
Don't do this with people.
Don't box them in, in your words about what you want,
what you like, what you don't like.
How we got to be?
How do I do this?
Because I feel like it's likely that what you're saying
is a problem that I can't quite see.
So how do I see this?
So this is how you do it.
When you talk to a person and you're getting to know them,
you let the conversation,
you probably already do this, I don't know.
You let conversations organically develop.
You don't ask them questions about their past,
or you don't ask, I'm not saying you do this.
I'm just telling you a plan to do.
This is what I do.
I don't ask probing questions.
I stay very surface and I let things flow and I pull back.
And I just let them be whoever they want to be
so that I can make an evaluation of who they are.
So I'm going to give you an example.
I'm like getting to know this guy,
and it seems to be based on his track record,
he could say that he's going to do some,
but he doesn't really follow through.
It doesn't bother me that he doesn't follow through
because he's just being who he is.
And so he said that he will call me one day
at a particular time.
He didn't, but he usually reaches out.
So I reached out the next day and I said,
I said, hey, good morning.
I know you worked double last night.
So, because I don't know what your schedule
is going to look like today,
I'm going to give you the opportunity to call me
instead of me reaching out to you
because of your schedule.
He said back to me, I'm so sorry about that.
I apologize.
I got dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
Are you available between one and three?
I said, hey, those times work for me.
Do you think he still didn't call me between one and three?
But I just didn't take it personal
because I want this man to be who he is.
I don't have a demand on him as a person
because what happens is I determined from his track record
if he serves my life this.
And I don't make early assumptions either,
not even in the first two weeks
because it's just not healthy.
Like, I'm not looking for him to be my husband.
He's not in some type of lineup for me to choose from.
I just need him to be who he is.
And whatever it takes for me to let that happen,
I fall back to let it happen.
Does that make sense?
It does.
And I feel like in some ways I'm doing that,
but I'm probably doing the other thing too
because he was asking specific questions.
So that's when I'd be like,
well, I'm actually dating from a place of intention.
I'm not, he thinks about all his dating experiences
and I kind of was trying to bring the conversation back
because some of the stuff he was saying wasn't really,
I don't know, going down that road too hot.
I don't know how else to say it,
but he was telling me about on dating apps,
a lot of the women are trying to do like prostitution
and all that stuff.
And I was just like, I don't really know what to make with.
So that's when I'll bring the conversation back
and maybe that's where I'm coming across rigid.
It's like, I don't wanna talk about some things
if I don't feel like it's really about getting to know,
but maybe about me learning to say that
instead of just moving as much,
moving things around or orchestrating the conversation
into a certain tone.
Oh, I don't think that personally,
I wouldn't wanna hear that either.
And I don't know.
I probably would say, oh, wow, that's an idea.
I don't really wanna talk about that.
That's what I would do.
Like in a very try, in my very gentle, like, hey,
I'm really not interested in that, I would rather get to know you a bit more.
I know you probably had a lot of experience on dating apps, but I just want to get to know you.
Maybe something like that. I can't say the best thing, Brenda, because I think that
that's normal. You don't want to hear about that. And men kind of suck at stuff to talk about
sometimes. Everybody I talk to say me, I would say, I'm an open book. And it's like, okay,
what you want me to do with it? Every man you talk to, I'm an open book, I'm an open book.
But they've learned that, I think, that women say men don't talk enough. So they feel like
if I say to this woman, I'm an open book, she'll lead the conversation. Because he really don't
know how to lead a conversation. That's a real thing that some men don't know how to communicate
well. But I do think that I can't answer your question. I just, I want to give you this tactic
to try or this skill and to watch yourself. Usually what we think about people can come out
in the way we conversate with them. If we don't really like something they do, it could come up
in a woman. She can express without using words. And so we have the ability to do that. And so I
just want you to try laying back and letting the person show up. And then you make a decision after
they've shown up, if that's something you want to go further with. Okay. So should I call him?
Right? No. He put the ball in your court. So if you want to get the ball out of your court and
back in his court, what you can do is say, Hey, I'm reaching out. Do you have time to talk? So
that's a text and say, if you do give me a call, I'm available now up until, you know, whatever
time. And he may shoot you back. I'm like, cool. Let's talk. If he says it, you can press call.
I don't have a problem with that because who calls who doesn't necessarily reveal to me
about leading. I look for reciprocity. Okay. So the name of the game is reciprocity.
It's not, it's I give, you give. I give, you give. And if I find that I'm giving a little bit more than
you are, and then I pull back, but I don't mind showing up as me. And so if me would have called
you two times, like I reached back out to the guy, that's me. I don't have a thought in my mind about
what he's going to think about me. Cause I'm showing him who I am. Nice. So, um, try to think reciprocity.
Okay. Very helpful. Thank you. Okay. Sounds good. Keep us updated.
Okay. All right. Um, Felicia who went on a date, might I add, let's show her some love.
Woohoo. Finally, Jesus.
I believe the Lord had to trick her on a date. Lord have mercy.
Is it that hard for me? Lord said there's nothing too hard for him. Oh my goodness.
It was, it was a great conversation. Just so mature. Goodness. It's such a shift.
Such a great shift from the other discovery that I've been having. Yeah. I had to step aside too.
I had to get out of the way. You know, like I shared that the Lord wanted me to get out of the
way because I was like, I don't know what I was doing in the way, but I was in the way.
And when he said, get out of the way, I just went and rest for four hours at the botanical gardens
on Sunday. And I just laid with the Lord. I'm like, okay, Lord, here am I, I'm just resting with you.
He said I should do. And then he led me into this conversation because I didn't want to answer. I was
like, I'm not going to go on the app. I'm not, but I keep led into just say, hi, just say one more
hi to this one person. And I did say hi and I, you know, I didn't want to do it, but I, you know,
I did it. And such a maturity, so mature gentleman. And the thing that he drive three hours,
he lived three hours away and he came up to see his sons that he loved the early. And I'm so
attracted to a man who invest in their children. I just love that. He's just such a great dad.
And just listening to him. Like you were saying, I learned so much from you tonight that,
you know, listen to them, listen to, you know, I don't ask questions.
We just have conversation, you know, and it's anyone either, you know, I see interest in the
I just, I just, I just rest into that. And it's something I learned to do because I can
be a leader to like you, just run them over. But I learned how to just rest and just listen and let
conversation flow. And that's what's been going on. But I hear so much of his character by him
just speaking to me. I even hear great faith in him by him speaking to me. So it's such a good
thing to just rest and listen.
and instead of act like it's a business deal, you know, this question, that question. So I've been
trained, thank God for this group and many other mentor courses that I've been into that teaches
me how to just rest and it's, you know, we'll see where it goes and it's just really, it sounds
healthy, I don't know where it's gonna go but I just like the shift that happened because of all
what I was getting. The Lord just showed, I believe the Lord just showed up and said, as you obey me,
here I'm giving you something. I don't know where it's gonna go but he just showed up and said,
there's hope. Here is what I have for you daughter. So that's what I'm gonna say about it
but it's good. I don't know if you have any question for me. No, no, I'm just so happy for
you. It's something about when you go on that date, you feel so dainty. Yeah and like it was
like Sunday, he talks to me on Sunday and I knew when I was working out, I kind of fell in my
that he's gonna ask me, that when he come up, he drive three hours up to see the boys and then
three, 30 minutes to me and he said, he's gonna ask me if he could see me. I think he's gonna do
that and as soon as I go to the gym and we talk, he said, I'm gonna ask you something but you're
okay to say no. That's fine if it's a no and I said, okay and I knew it was gonna ask me,
can I see you after the boys? I'm like, oh my god. I literally, I kind of zone out like when
hello, are you there? My friend and I was laughing like, oh my god girl, you get chicken out. I said,
yes, I didn't know how to answer and then I said yes and it was a nice conversation. Beautiful,
healthy. Yeah, it was. That's awesome. Yeah, so let's see what happens. Yeah, yay. Thank you.
Thank you for the push. Yeah, yeah, yay. That's so great. Okay, Helen.
Hi. Hey. Sorry, I'm stepping over my new dog. Yeah, okay.
So, I don't want to be, I refuse to be negative so I won't say bad news. I'll say
news. No dates yet but like you said, Supernatural was awesome and it was so good
but pray for me, pray for me and then in other news, it's kind of like a confession. So, I read
an article. It's been a year or two since I read it. I wish I could find where it was but it said
one of the places they recommend to meet single guys is grocery store, grocery stores especially
in the evening. I need to find that step and I was telling a friend of mine and she's like,
know what? I think you're right but apparently, there's a study about where to like bump into
guys and it's grocery stores especially in the evening because they don't cook. A lot of guys
don't cook. Okay. And maybe they're not going to order out that day. Anyway, so the other day,
I was at the grocery store and I'm walking down the aisle and this guy goes, where's the rice?
And here's the confession part. Instead of looking at this as an opportunity, maybe,
maybe not, who knows? I went, I actually don't work here.
It's the truth though. I actually don't work here but it's that way and then he said,
I don't know how he knew but he said, I know you don't but I'm asking you and he was really nice
about it. Like, he really and then I felt convicted in that moment. So, I went, I, where I pointed
down that aisle, he was going the wrong way and I was like, hey, it's that other aisle and
if I see him again, I think he was from the gym next door. If I see him again, I am going to go
up to him and apologize and be like, I was a jerk and I really apologize because he was so nice.
He was so nice. But anyway, so next time I'll be more on my, just be kind and I think I'm a
generally very kind guy to men, intentionally kind to men, like pouring into them, being
conscious of how I speak, my tone, my, like elevating. I'm huge about, I think people who
know me know this, I'm huge about elevating the men around me and the men in our lives and so,
and I've been pumped by this community about doing that but I think I'm generally intentional
about that. But that, maybe that caught me off guard. I don't know, maybe I was having a bad day,
I don't know. But anyway, so I just wanted to share that. I think that was fun. Thank you for
sharing because I'm going to the grocery store. I mean, I can't go through the week because I'd
have to teach it, but I'm definitely going to go and go straight to the hungry man meal,
you know, the microwave meals. I'm just going to go around that aisle, so see.
Talking to one of the girls in the community,
we talked on the phone, and she was like,
just go and bump your car into somebody, you know,
or stuff like that.
But yeah, anyway, so I think that maybe
was God nudging me to be like, come on,
I'm bringing him to you, and you're,
I don't know if he was the one, but I'm just saying,
like, that could have been an opportunity.
If it wasn't him, somebody he knows.
I know, I know, that's so fun.
I seen someone, someone just posted, too,
Home Depot or Lowe's.
Yeah, I'm going, I'm gonna go.
I don't know about the home improvement stores,
I feel like the guys who go, well, contractors,
I guess that's true, I guess contractors.
I heard this lady give a testimony
on one of the intercessory prayer teams
that I'm a part of, and she said she heard
that single men hang out at Lowe's and Home Depot,
so she went, and sure enough, she met the man
who she's now getting ready to marry.
At Home Depot, I think she was at Home Depot,
she met this guy, yeah, yeah, so cool.
All right, thank you for sharing.
All right, if, I can't tell,
cause when hands stay up, I just don't know,
so I'm going, Laurie?
Hi, Ebony.
Hey.
Okay, so, oh my word, what a whirlwind of events.
So, same guy as last week.
His name is Jay, and this is the hospital administrator
that you asked, where do I find guys like this?
Well, you need to hear the rest of the story.
So anyway, like he, you know, we were talking,
we talked, had like maybe four or five Zooms,
and it's been a couple weeks, and he was like,
hey, I wanna come out and meet you,
and he was talking about coming by, you know,
mid-month, and, you know, where, you know,
help me out with an Airbnb that would be, you know,
decent proximity from you, and, you know,
talking about coming Thursday through,
a Thursday through a Monday,
and I think that right there felt like a lot to me,
but I get it, he's coming, you know,
it's a lot of like compact days together,
so anyway, like he made this comment,
and I mean, super high attraction level between us,
and so, and he's very expressive,
but it wasn't inappropriate.
I mean, it was just fun, and it was playful,
and all the conversations were, felt really appropriate,
and just really lighthearted, and laughed a lot,
and I honestly felt like,
I felt so comfortable to be myself,
like I felt like I could be goofy,
and, you know, just laughing, laughing so hard,
and I felt, I felt like at ease to like,
just kind of like playful banter back and forth,
and I felt free to say no to things,
and free to just like, yeah, just to be my,
to disagree, I should say, like in a nice way,
but just to be honest, and not be people pleasing,
so anyway, like, so he messaged,
he's like, he's like, well, he says,
he said something about how he could see,
you know, super attracted to you,
I could, something about lip action when we meet,
and, and I just, I brought that up,
because it was really important to me that,
you know, if he was coming, coming a distance,
that was, that was not, not on my,
not something I was interested in,
and I feel like I've had heart healing,
and it's something to like guarding my heart,
and I know that like going in with even a kiss,
not even like making out, it's like,
it changes the whole, and so that much time together.
So I asked him, I said, I just, I said,
I, you know, got your comment,
and I know we're being playful,
but it was the first thing that was physical
that he mentioned, and so I just said,
I just need to clarify that like,
I need to build a foundation,
and like I need to develop a friendship
before I feel comfortable being in that physical space,
and I know that for me, like once that happens,
like the whole relationship changes,
and, and it clouds my thinking, and judgment,
and, you know, it's just really important
for me to steward this well,
and he said, you know, I'm so attracted,
I don't know how I could not,
and it just, it felt like I was really restless,
so I'm like, gosh, what am I so restless about?
Like.
without running. And I'm like, just like, just feeling really
anxious. And so finally realized in the Holy Spirit's like, ask
him about, about that comment. And so that's when I leaned in.
And I actually had a conversation around it. And he
just didn't, he didn't know if he could do that. And, and so I
said, Wow, that's really, I felt like it felt like he challenged
my challenged my boundary. Like he didn't come back and say, I
want that too. And that's important to me to Stuart as
well. And he came back and was just like, he didn't know if he
could do that or not. Like he'd be so and so it's like, is it
perfection? Or is it, you know, lust? So then it was. So then I
just didn't feel safe. It just there was something about it
that just made me feel, you know, remind me of some times
past where I chose into some wild experiences. And so it's
been bringing it's brought that up. And I think, you know, the
And so I just asked him that question. But what was really
interesting was, you know, I saw Jackie's post today on the
avoidant. And I asked him the question, it could have been a
really straight answer. But instead, he went into and, and I
let him talk because I was learning. And in some ways, I
just wanted to. Because I asked him, you know, do you do you
have guardrails in this area? And I said, when I initiated the
conversation, I'm like, it's super early to be talking about
this. But because you are, we are looking at like cross
country travel, and you being basically in my camp for, you
know, this amount of time, not that I would owe him more than a
Hello, if it didn't work out. I, I need to be protective of
myself. And that was really important, because he brought
that up. And so he went on, like talking about other
Oh, no.
And he literally between that and the other question that I
answered, answered, asked to talk.
Lori, I, in an effort to mute someone else, can you unmute
yourself for me? Sorry.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I let him talk. And he ended up talking
for between this and one other question that I really felt
like I needed clarity on before we got together. He ended up
talking about like his life and experiences in this area for a
couple hours. And the other question was, as I noticed, like
in our conversation, like we, and he didn't actually come out
and answer the question is, at the end, he was like, I want,
you know, I want to have guardrails. And I want to do
this well. And I know what's right. And I want to choose
right. And yeah, that's my that's my heart's desire. But it
was just so like, didn't feel like there was a conviction
there. And so the other question was, as I noticed, in the first
couple chats, he was in a car. And, and so then the next time I
I, you know, and he, he's, he's living with his mom. And he's
actually caretaking. And apparently other family members
have, like, done extended care, like for like, five years, and
he said, it's his turn. His brothers have done their five to
seven year turns. And he's been up in Yonville, which is like
northern California. And yeah, so at any rate,
so what did y'all decide?
Well, after we had that conversation, he messaged back,
like, within a half an hour. And he said, I left our
conversation tonight feeling like I'm not or not the right
fit for you. Nothing personal. I just think we have different
wants and needs in life. I also just shared at a high level a
few dreams because it's kind of like also the question of what
do you want in life came up? I'm just in a general piece is
important to me, God's given me enough to be comfortable. And
that's sufficient for me. It's okay to have big dreams. I'm
sure you'll meet the right guy. And then he just said, bye with
a kiss emoji. So then I spent like a day and a half or two
days just like processing this, what felt like such a rash
thing. And he's like, I'll definitely miss you.
I followed up with a message after I processed it for a couple days and we're chatting again,
but I'm just feeling like, so I found out also that his mom gave him his inheritance
early.
It sounds like his divorce from 2020, that he had a lot of debt and so, because my question
was is, you know, I, is there any, is there anything more to the story?
I'm not looking for like detailed information, but high level information.
Is there anything more to the story about your living with your mom?
Because I just didn't want to, you know, if there was like something, so I think he had
financial, quite a bit of financial stuff, but it sounds like he's cleared up, but yeah,
it just feels too complicated.
Yeah.
He's not, he's not best fit for you.
Yeah.
I don't think so.
Right.
I'm so glad y'all ever had those conversations before he came.
Yeah.
It was like the Holy Spirit was like, ask him these things.
And for me, it's been like, I've had heart healing, so guarding my heart is super important.
And for me to just come out and say, no, actually that doesn't work.
That won't work for me.
That's, you know, God's built a strong conviction in my heart in this whole area.
And I don't want to be with somebody who's half hearted.
Right.
Do I think it'll be a struggle?
Yeah.
I think it's going to, I think it's going to be challenging to walk in purity until marriage.
It's not something in the relationships I've done since my divorce and, but I have a deep
conviction in me that the Lord's built into me and, um, that's taken time to build.
And, and so it's like, wisdom is just like, yeah.
Um, and it's going to be even more challenging if you partner with someone who does not have
the same views and same conviction.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, thank you for sharing that, Laurie.
I think you made a good decision.
I think you have a lot to be pleased with about yourself.
Thank you.
That's what dating for discovery does.
It shows you what you've grown.
Yeah.
It's wonderful.
It really is.
I'm happy for you.
I think you handled it very well.
Do you think this is avoidant?
Talking about what you're doing?
No.
Do you think that his, his, uh, Jackie posted something about avoidant.
Do you think this is avoidant?
I'm just looking to see, okay, what do I need healed on?
And I felt the Lord say, Laurie, I'm proud of who you're becoming today, which was like,
oh, okay, great.
Cause I felt like such a hot mess.
I was even shaking earlier today.
No, Laurie, I think that sometimes we can over-evaluate something and believe it's something
about hard work.
We always want to go back to hard work, hard work, hard work.
You are working out the hard work.
Yeah.
You set boundaries.
You set, and it's not about him being avoided.
Really Laurie, I want to encourage you not to take time to try to analyze this man.
Yep.
I need that.
That's probably what I need to take away.
Yeah.
Could you stop that?
Stop analyzing him.
Stop analyzing any man.
You make a decision for Laurie and walk away.
Yeah.
When you get caught, when you start trying to analyze that man or every little thing
besides what matters most and it's you, I mean, some things are, are, are granted that,
but clearly this man was against your foundation, what you want in life.
So that just wasn't going to work.
You guys didn't align in the core areas and that's all right there.
There's nothing else to be discussed after that.
Okay.
And so it doesn't matter if he was avoiding, anxious, disorganized.
He wasn't for you.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yep.
I'm spending way too much energy on it.
Yeah.
It's time to let there be water under the bridge.
Yep.
That's right.
Be proud of yourself for sticking to your band.
You did a good job.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Come on.
Yeah.
Okay.
Anyway.
Good.
Okay.
All right.
Come on.
Stephanie Davis.
Okay.
I've been my nightguard.
I'm so tired.
I can't someone care.
I'm so sorry.
But I wanna say this.
Yes, I think my Ephesians 25 has found me.
My Isaiah 62.
I'm no longer forsaken and I'm now going to be a Bueller.
Do you know what Ephesians 5.25 says?
What does it say?
It says that he will love me as the Christ loves the church.
That's what it says.
So I think I found him.
Okay, that was just a test.
I've been sent to Mark 11.24.
And so today, it was so hard for me to do this because today the Lord spoke to me about marriage.
And this is what he told me.
He said, go and testify you have found him.
And I'm like, it's going to feel so stupid.
It's going to feel weird.
But he said, do it.
Because he said, when you pray, if you believe, you'll receive what you have.
I didn't get an excited test, but I thought everybody would be excited for me.
But guess what?
I am excited because guess what?
He is on the way.
And that's all I wanted to say.
Have a good night, everybody.
I'm going to my bed.
I work early in the morning.
Just to add, we are excited for you.
It's the way you unveiled it to us.
So we're like, huh?
And then after you did it, you recanted all of it.
No, I didn't recant it.
But it's just something that God has been dealing with me.
Because I was like, this is very hard.
As everybody can know, I had a bad marriage before.
So this is really, and I was like, okay, guys, I've been really praying to Mark 11, 23 and 24.
And this is, so today I was like, God, I don't really want to do it.
It's going to feel really awkward.
It's going to feel really weird.
But he was like, you need to testify because this is working.
You were saying it.
If you say you're a believer, if you're saying it, you repeat the scripture over and over and over again.
And you say you receive it, then guess what?
You will go and testify.
And it was like, well, testify to the crowd because you're in this group.
Testify and say.
And then you came on.
That was the first thing you were talking about, testify and be.
I was like, okay, that was a confirmation for me to do it.
And I was like, I would almost fall asleep.
But I was like, okay, whatever.
If you didn't call me, I was going to go to bed.
And then I said, I'll do it another night.
But then you said, okay, Stephanie Davis.
I thought you were talking to other Stephanie, but you said Davis.
Yes.
Good night, everyone.
Yeah, we're excited for you.
I was telling Stephanie on her post in the app.
And get ready, Priti, we're coming to you.
You know, she said God had her do an activation that just brought so much breakthrough for her.
And that's what you're doing right now, activation.
You know, the Bible says in the book of Proverbs, so a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
And so God knows that we have to get that thing in our heart to grab a hold to it, to believe it.
And then it becomes, and that's what you just did, Stephanie.
And so we celebrate and we celebrate with you.
Baby, I didn't declare it.
I know.
Yes, we celebrate with you.
Yay.
We're getting our dancing shoes ready.
Come on, Priti.
Good night.
Hi, Ebony.
Hey.
So I have a debrief from my date on Saturday.
Yes.
So I put in the chat, but I don't think you had a chance to review it.
But essentially, you know, after like a hard experience a few weeks ago, like, I think this went really well.
You know, we were awkward, like for the first 5-10 minutes, we were both a little socially awkward.
But I think it got better pretty quickly.
And like we talked about a whole range of topics, like we talked about, and it was organic.
So like I didn't kind of have an agenda or anything like that.
But we did talk about like some hard topics like politics, economics, and, you know, culture and sports and values and favorite places to hike in the neighborhood or in the area.
And then a little bit about faith, too, towards the end.
And I know, like, I mean, I wasn't intending to bring out faith, but it just kind of came up organically.
So then I kind of, you know, went all in into it or like answered whatever questions he had.
So we spoke for about 90 minutes or so.
Normally, I have a friend who calls me at 90 minute mark, like to make sure if I need like an out.
And so she did call me and I was like, no, I'm good.
But, you know, we are kind of wrapping or whatever.
And so then we ended with a little walk in the neighborhood.
And yeah, it was I mean, overall, it was great, like no, no issues, no, no challenges.
It free flowed pretty quickly.
We had it. We had a lot of common interests.
he um like when he asked me which church i go to he kind of knew the pastor uh there so
like he does his research i'm not sure about how plugged in he is in a church community but
we did speak about some pretty hardcore theological stuff uh so you know like he i mean
he he he's read he's well read like he he knows his bible uh so all in all like it ended well
somebody asked me like did he talk about like meeting again and we didn't say anything
about it he he said he said when he was leaving that i had a blast and have a great hike because
like i told him that i was going to go for a hike afterwards and then we kind of had a very brief
hug like a platonic brief hug and then we kind of went our ways um and then i kind of didn't hear
from him for the whole day after but like he asked me about something and i had told him i'll send
you a link so i did uh and then he was like okay great thanks and then you know we've been having
on and off chats like not too much um but like we've exchanged a few messages he hasn't said
anything about meeting again um so i don't know like i mean somebody asked me will you meet him
again and i was like yeah like i mean i would meet him again uh but it hasn't come up so my question
to you is like i have responded to some of the like chats that like he didn't ask me any big
questions but like you know we exchanged some pleasantries but after that like we haven't really
so this was saturday today is tuesday we had a long weekend like we both had plans and um
yeah so like i don't know like should i should i uh should i wait like you know what should be
my next step go ahead and reach out okay tell him you had a great time if you haven't told him that
yet and that you look forward to doing again when he when time permits okay cool but or like i'm
i look forward to doing again just let me know right okay okay cool i think that'd be great
sometimes when we end the day we say what's good this person good but everybody's kind of waiting
to see like are we gonna talk again or you say something and so just get it out of the way that
way you won't be thinking about it no more it's like hey i did it and i can know which way we're
going okay cool post on the wall let me know what happens okay okay okay i'm happy for you to
yes it was uh you know after like that first experience that i had like which was discouraging
even though you say it was a good date like it was really hard on me um so after that like this
was just it was just nice to see everything being normal and not creepy and not weird and not
stressful right so like i mean again there were like there were no sparks or there was no like
you know like immediate attraction or anything like that but like we had a we had a great time
like we yeah we we spoke about some hard topics and it went well so that's good that's good yeah
awesome okay you're welcome thank y'all for y'all patience we're down to the last three
and we're gonna stop at 8 30 because go to bed which is weird it's okay um i'm gonna get better
with our time but come on verne while i'm chatting it's 8 23 so i want to get us last
three done before 8 30. okay i'm gonna i'm gonna make it quick so what i'm gonna say is that i'm
gonna tell y'all don't go to sleep on home depot and lowes and sprawl and sprawls don't go to sleep
on those places um however i am enjoying um what i'm doing right now i hadn't had a i i have some
traffic coming through and all that but i also want to say i'm not afraid to go out to eat by
myself so when i go i get of course i get the table for two and they're looking like okay do
you have anybody but who knows there might be a gentleman that coming to the restaurant honey
and he'll say is this seat taken come on and for you yes but yeah so yeah i'm enjoying myself um
the one guy that i told you about i kind of thought he for me i felt like he was maybe just
a little bit too old for me because i did although i mean i'm 62 i'm getting ready to be 63 but
ever he was 72 i believe it was but he was just so quiet and we talked a little bit here and there
and uh you know i i would have loved
to see him do more talking.
However, I just started a brand new job.
This is my second week and I'm so excited about that.
But it does take, it's a lot that I'm doing right now
that I need to stay focused on that
because I have to take a certification
that's a part of me keeping my job
because I have to be able to be certified
and get my license and everything.
So I'm not worried about that,
but I can't just be doing a lot until like the weekend.
And so I did tell him like, I get off at about 4.30
but he can call me, you know,
but I've been doing all the calling, I don't like that.
I felt on Sunday, like I'm doing too much calling.
And then I called him and we talked for just a few minutes
and he said he needed to run
because he had another call that come in.
And I was like, okay, and I was like,
yeah, that's what I was feeling.
So yeah, I can call him and let that one go.
But anyway, that's what I felt like that I can.
Yeah, when you don't feel like you're doing too much calling
you're doing too much calling, I'm glad you popped it.
You can feel it, people don't know,
but you can feel it when you do too much.
Oh yeah.
It's like, oh no, I did too much.
Yeah, so I felt like I was doing too much.
So I did a guy that's, he's like 57
and I'm like, that's too young for me.
And then, so I'm sorry, no, no, no, no, no.
But then my friend said, my friend say,
no, you with your energy, you need to be on that side
than you need to be on the 70 side.
But we just had just a little conversation
but there are some other ones
that I have been talking to here and there.
And some of them, I've already X them off the list
but I want to tell you a couple of things that from the,
I say where the guy has been kind of hitting on me.
So this younger guy, he said that he,
he said, he was looking at a picture.
I thought I could pull it up and let you all see it.
He said, I just wanted to say that you are so beautiful.
You look so beautiful in that pink dress.
Although the dress was lavender, like a purple, light purple.
He said, you look so beautiful in that pink dress.
You about to make me be your slave.
I was like, oh my gosh, what in the world?
And I was like, okay, but he was a little younger
but anyway, it was just kind of funny what I did.
But anyway, and then there was another guy sent me one
and he said something in reference to the same purple dress.
And he was like, by the way
you look beautiful in that purple dress.
And he said, yes, I would love to take you
on a road trip in my RV.
If you promise me you'll wear that lavender dress.
And I was like, because that's one of the things
that I wanna do, I wanna travel by way of RV.
Just travel around, do some traveling.
So yes, I have been enjoying my discovery period here
when I can get a chance to just get on
and get a chance to just get on and look at some things.
I'm no longer working overnights
cause I used to work overnights in hospice
but I'm not doing that anymore.
I'm doing something else now.
And so I was able to pop on sometime
and kind of keep myself confident
but I don't wanna be on there too late at night
although I'm overnight
because I don't want anybody to think
that I'm up all night.
Just no, I didn't want them to get that impression
or anything like that.
But I'm enjoying what I'm doing and it feels good
just to have the conversations and everything
because I haven't dated in the long,
I mean like over 25 years.
So I haven't dated in a long time.
I tried to date a guy back in 2020.
He started out being a boyfriend, I tried.
And right afterwards he got sick
and I went from being a girlfriend to his caregiver
taking care of him.
And he died a year later.
So we was just starting to talk
and I took care of him all the way up until he died.
So, but yeah.
So other than that, I'm enjoying it.
And so I'm looking forward to have,
I'm looking forward to tell you guys
when I actually went on a date.
Actually, when I actually meet someone in person
because some of them were saying,
a couple of people like,
let's just talk on here or whatever.
And I was kind of waiting for someone to offer
about us getting together.
And the one that I was talking to,
I was thinking about asking him
after I spoke to him on Sunday
was to see whether or not he wanted to get together.
I don't drink coffee, but I drink tea.
but we could go somewhere and so we can talk.
But when he was like, well, OK, I got to get the phone.
I got to call.
I was like, OK, yeah.
OK, so he made me go ahead on and make my decision
because I was getting ready to anyway to kind of end it
because, yeah, I was doing everything.
Yeah, so that's it about me.
I'm so happy for you, Vern.
I'm so happy that you're enjoying the process.
And the date is going to come.
And you don't have to wait on somebody
to ask you out for coffee.
You're going to be third time talking to them.
You want to go ahead and say, hey,
would you like to meet up for coffee?
And they're trying to get you to run around
and you ain't got time.
Nobody got time for that.
Yes.
Yeah, these people are old enough
to know what they want, baby.
Yeah, that's what I said, too.
And I'm very proud because I did tell my kids.
I didn't want to quite tell them yet.
Those have grown kids of mine.
But I showed them my photos because it was like, mom,
let me see what you put up there.
And then they was like, OK, you did good.
Good, that's good.
That's good.
All right, great.
Yes, hi, yes.
OK, great.
So just want to give you an update from last week, right?
We talked about that, you know, ask those questions.
OK, so just have a video call very quickly.
And then I'm the one who initiated the video call.
But anyway, so he's asking, what do you have in your mind
when you ask me those questions?
And he said, oh, no, those are just icebreaking questions.
Nothing really.
And and I said, well, you know, if you want to send me a picture,
why don't you send me a picture?
I mean, the fact that you're sitting on the bed doesn't make any difference.
I mean, you can just send me the picture.
But he's like, you know, I just send you a picture. That's all.
I mean, OK, so I don't think he's I don't think he's
you know, like
anything sexually.
But then I but I don't but I have no there's no smock with him.
So I think I'm going to end it with him soon.
Yeah. But I have another question is I met you
if I met you with a guy at OKCupid.
So, you know how OKCupid works, right?
They ask they have many, many questions, right?
And then they match you with different percentages.
So this guy is nine match with him with 99 percent.
OK. Yeah. So and he's he's a Christian.
And he right off the bat, he's told he told me already that
he does not want any intimacy
before marriage.
You know, he already told me right off the bat.
But anyway, yeah.
But my confusion is because we have not we have not have a phone call yet,
which we will tomorrow.
My question is, I know what you guys coaching
as is the first two weeks trying to be light, right?
The conversation trying to be light and don't go too deep.
So I'm just not sure when you consider light.
I don't know what is light.
Like, for example, he can say something about
you know, he mentioned about his, you know, on the 16 personality.
He gave me the sign of a 16 personality.
Are you familiar with that?
Yeah. 16 personality dot com.
And then he gave me his sign.
So I have I can ask him a lot of questions about that.
But I haven't asked him, so I'm not sure whether I should
because you guys saying that don't go too deep. Right.
And also I can sense that he's he's a rigid person, very rigid.
Like he has to do things in a certain way this way.
You know, like very rigid.
And he's you know, he's the same age as me, you know, 57.
But he never married.
So and I asked him, you know, and I and he told me he has a few days
before, but nothing get nothing get matched up.
So it seems to me that he's looking for a perfect person, perfect match.
So I don't know how to deal with this kind of person.
I mean, yeah.
And yeah, and also the the 16 personality that he gave me.
The first one is I, I means introvert.
So that also reminds me of my ex-husband.
He's also introvert.
And I'm a little afraid of introvert, you know, like.
So even though I'm not an introvert, I'm only like I'm extrovert,
but only like 50 percent, maybe 50, 50 percent extrovert, 50 percent introvert.
So I'm just not sure how to deal with this kind of person.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah. When are you going to meet a very ugly man?
Yeah. When are you going to meet for coffee?
No, not yet. We haven't.
Tomorrow I'm going to talk on the phone.
OK. And how long have you been talking to him?
Just a week.
Where do you live? Does he live near you?
Yeah. An hour and a half. Yeah. An hour and a half.
OK, so once you talk.
him on the phone and then next week it'll be two weeks go ahead and schedule to meet up with him
to have coffee um i think yeah but my question i don't know what is considered like you know i i
know again i mean you could talk to you could talk to him about his personality profile that's
not a deep question if you want to hear all of that i don't think because i was i was so i was
i was going to ask him okay when you on your you know your 16 personality.com say you're introvert
can you tell me a little bit what you mean by you're introvert and also one of the question
is saying that he's a social socially he's awkward so i also want to ask him about that
what do you mean by that no but again i don't want to get into too deep i think that i think
you can ask him about that it's not too deep but i want unless it's something startling
you know what i'm saying like something you're sensing that is puts you in danger the idea that
we can scrape up enough information about a person to let us know them and make a decision
is not always a good lens to look through if you want to know this man he seems like a godly man
go have coffee with him right give him a chance to get to know him because he may be introverted
and your ex-husband may have been introverted but i don't know if he i don't know if his godly
wisdom helps him to navigate his introvertness in a different direction every introvert is not
the same i have really good friends they're introverts and we make a really good pair
they're my friends i'm totally extroverted and we fit well together and so i think that if you
start profiling people based on specific things it just doesn't serve you well
and if you want guarantees before you hang out with a person and experience them it doesn't
serve well unless they have some alarming things where you think your life is going to be in danger
but if they're godly they seem like they got some sense talk to them on the phone do a little video
date this week today is just tuesday you should be ready to meet him next week well i'm actually
going i will like in between his area on this saturday so i was thinking to ask to ask him to
meet on saturday i think that tomorrow after tomorrow phone call i was thinking to ask him
to meet on saturday i think that'll be really good if you feel safe you know you don't have
any alarms about it i think if you can meet with him on coffee the sooner the better because
experience tells you about a person does that make sense yeah i understand but again i'm i'm
still very confused about talking too deep you know which what is considered too deep like do
you ask him about the love language oh about love language okay love language is none of your
concern if i had to be real i know some people like to talk about love language but what different
does it make you don't even know him and what happens is when you get to know him because you
know his love language you'll put the car before the horse and try to meet a language that's not
for you to be met you're not in an exclusive relationship in exclusive relationships you may
want to cater to a person's love language but that's for for spouses people need to you know
i just so like i see people talk about i heard me and bring it up what's your love language what my
love language have anything to do with you and so what i do is say well you know i don't think
that's really important because i know how it trickles back when you start liking a person
you naturally desire to want to please them and now you know how something a way that can please
them so i don't think that there's the best conversation to have but i'm going to tell you
what's deep so deep would be were you married that's fine if you you want to say were you
married in the past so they could say well you know my ex okay if you say to them after they
say that and you can just say oh okay if you say to them after that oh why did y'all get a divorce
oh what happened that's deep because i'm telling you you may want to know but when you find out
you're going to judge them yeah that's what i did in the before i get to this program i always ask
that question you're going to judge but you ask it because you want to know you want to protect
yourself you want to guard yourself for being hurt but what you do is you measure that person by who
they were you don't know who they are today and the only way you're going to know who they are
is that you experience them they could have cheated on their wife and been with 50 different
women you think you're going to sign up to be with them but they could be a reform change man
can make you one of the happiest marriages ever i don't know but what i'm saying is when we start
going into people's past we start judging them by their past if that ain't even none of your business
all you want is a coffee date uh-huh so how can i and and because i'm just so afraid that i um
i try try to compare him
to my ex-husband that like my ex-husband is also introvert and it's very quiet type and i and i tell
myself i would never want to date this kind of uh this type of personality so so how can i tell
myself don't you know i don't know i think you should tell yourself i don't want to date my
ex-husband again but i don't know these other people because you can date your ex-husband again
and the person can be extroverted you can date him again you could pick him again it was what
was in you that attracted you to your ex-husband he didn't you didn't attract yourself to a man
that was like whoa you tricked me we alike attract like right and so it wasn't that your
ex-husband was an introvert maybe it was that he was an introvert and he didn't know how to
become what you needed and so you can find a man who's an introvert but also knows that my spouse
she needs communication and so we're gonna pencil in a hour every day to give her what she needs
even though i'm introverted i value what she needs okay so this is a different type of man
so it has nothing to do with being introverted extroverted you're extroverted and you know
your spouse is introverted and so what you say is because you um because you value him you say
i'm not going to overwhelm him with all of this conversation because i understand that he is
introverted i understand that he's introverted he goes in and so we've determined that when i
bring a conversation up i'll give him a day to think on it i understand that it's better for
him to probably write down what he's thinking because he's going inward and so that's all
i'm saying is we can't get caught up in if they're introverted like my spouse i don't want that
that's not true the problem wasn't that your spouse was introverted
okay it was the way he expressed himself and how he showed up in the marriage and how he refused
to partner and he said well this is just who i am and this is how it's going to be well that's
not partnership right yeah yeah you're right yeah okay and then another quick question is um
like like this last year program like at what stage can we uh can we recommend to to the guy
that we're dating whatever i mean i don't know if you want them to to join the program and then
go through the hard work what stage do you think the date i mean what stage in the dating process
that we should introduce that to them i think if you found somebody that you liked and you say i
think this guy has potential but it seems like he needs some hard work right i think then you
could say hey i want to go further with you i realize that you like me a lot and i do like you
but i'm concerned about these areas okay okay once you share that you let them share something back
with you they should be sharing their concern now they may say oh you're right i want to get
some counseling and then you could say okay oh okay right you let them determine like what they
want to do or you could say i'm in a really great dating program you could tell them about
the dating program you're in and just say what you're doing that's it yeah i did say that but
he never i did say that but he never followed you did not ask me questions so so well yeah so he's
not interested in it yeah i i don't i'm not sure just you're just taxing i'm doing the tax we said
i said that but yeah but then maybe next time when we really meet then i can tell him that yeah i'm
this program uh but i don't want to sounds like i'm trying to to teach him something you know like
i don't you know yeah you know i don't want to yeah you know yeah so so just don't bring it up
but but you're right that i should i should i should frame myself to the way that let him tell
me that he wants the counseling then i say okay yeah this this program is great and all that
yeah right because you don't know him and y'all are not in their space yet you probably won't
you know um so so quick question to this so then if they do join the program are they also
are they also asked to pause their dating for five weeks
yeah the guy huh i mean unless he says i'm in a committed relationship if y'all not an
exclusive relationship there's no reason why he shouldn't be dating no no no because when we
for women we were asked to to pause our oh oh sorry sorry yes he will be asked to pause dating
so that he can get heart healthy oh okay which you would want that okay no i'm just the one to
get an idea
Yeah, yeah. People have to want help. And we can't assume that everybody needs hard work.
Right. Because everybody doesn't need hard work. Right. But so far, the people that I met,
they think they need help. Well, if you're meeting people that need hard work,
and that's not your person, you you ideally want a masculine, mature, marriage minded man. And
that doesn't mean that a masculine, mature, marriage minded man doesn't need hard work.
But once you get that foundation down, if you have a mature man, he's in marriage minded,
after you grow with them some, and there's some areas that need to be cleaned up, and they've set
their sights on you, they're gonna, you know, they could feel encouraged to do what needs to be done.
Okay. I'm not I'm gonna confuse what you just said. So okay. So I was dating a guy, we were
we hang on exclusive yet. Exclusive conversation comes up because I did the whole, you know,
you don't have to be me, it could be two months, I did 90 days. And so by the time we made to 90
days of exclusivity, we were really good friends at this point, we got to get we got to know each
other. And so even before then, I had noticed some things, some behaviors and some patterns.
And so we were just kind of talking. And I was like, Oh, I can see how this pattern in your life
has made it tough for you. One of the things that helped me I have a personal trauma therapist,
I've always had, I'm a really big believer in being healthy. So I said, one of the things
that helped me with that was my counselor. Okay, counselor taught me this. And that's how I know
these things. He was like, Oh, he was like, Well, I don't have a counselor. But that's something I
will be interested in. And I was like, Oh, well, you know, you can check to see if your insurance
covers it, or whatever, you know, my, you know, whatever. But he wouldn't got in counseling on
his own for issue he had. We, he knew that he wanted he was very marriage minded. Does that
make sense? Okay. Yeah. So I, after we build rapport with each other, navigated some things
and told him about me. And then he said, Oh, I am interested in it. I didn't tell him about
the program. I did tell him about the program later. I was like, you want to get into this
after we went exclusive, like you want to get in the program? He's like, No. But he was he
was already had a counselor. And so, but I didn't suggest to the him to the program because
of some like, I mean, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah. I see.
Okay, I have to see how the phone calls go. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Take it one day at a time.
Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Emily. Yeah. Thank you.
Joanne, I don't want to see you go, but I'm so glad you're on tonight.
Hey, are you do you have time? Yeah. Oh, good. Um, so two things I want to update you.
Did you say you were going to phase three? Oh, I was just wondering how long are we supposed
to stay on here? Oh, okay. I don't really want to go on here. I mean, leave yet. But I was just
okay. You don't have to leave. I did all the homework. I did all the like reading and video,
but I was like, I think I need to be on here a little longer. So I have two things I wanted
to update you about my date and then someone I'm thinking about like reconnecting with. So yeah,
Tony. Tony's that guy I mentioned, I was like thinking, no, I don't want to do this. But
I went on a date with him and it was actually pretty good. He's such a gentleman like
sorry. Oh, shoot. What's up? I muted everybody and thought that I was gonna be like quick to
quickly unmute you and not miss a word you say, but it didn't work out that way.
But Tony, I've only missed like three words. Yeah, I mean, it went well. He's such a gentleman
in a sense. Like he's just such he's so sweet and kind, but to the point where I'm like,
this is really you, you know, because he has people pleasing tendencies. Like he would not
let me pay for it. I mean, I like it when a guy pays, but I brought him to a potluck.
So I wanted to pay for the rotisserie chicken. And he's like, No, I want to pay for you. And
then he was like, we went to the potluck and he wanted to serve me on the plate. I'm like,
are you kidding me? Like, so I let him serve me on the plate. Like he put food for me that I
wanted. Yeah, but it was like, so Mike, so I'm kind of like, I need to check out if this is like
him being people pleasing or if this is really him, right? Because he has a history of people
pleasing and codependency.
You know he has a history of people-pleasing and code-appeasing.
He tells me that.
Joy, everybody you talk to, you know all this deep stuff after one day and then you keep telling me they tell me.
Ain't nobody telling you all that stuff. You been digging.
Okay, I admit. I dug. I dug.
And so I've been learning from this whole, you know, Zoom.
I'm like, yep, I did that. Yep, I did that. I need to not do that.
So I think it's also my fault that like he divulged.
He's so honest. Like if I ask him something, he'll tell me the blank truth.
He doesn't like like build like he's so honest and he'll tell me and I'm like, oh wow.
So yeah, I probably shouldn't ask like deeper probing questions, you know, so I don't get overwhelmed.
Yes, stop using your skills to get information out of people because you have a skill set to do that and you're going to have to stop.
Okay, everybody has a way that they learned love.
Everybody has a way they learn love. You learn love a certain way.
I learned love a certain way. So somebody's going to come with a way that they learned love. Ain't no way around it.
And so we cannot label a person because they learn love a certain way.
Now, the only way that he's pleasing, okay, you said, oh, is he just pleasing and you're going to if he's a pleaser,
you're going to question everything he does because he's a pleaser and it's going to be hard to tell the difference.
It's going to be challenging to tell the difference, but you will be able to tell the difference.
But I want you to know that when a man likes a woman, when he wants a woman, he does things for her.
And he does a lot of things for her. He becomes the peacock in the yard.
He pulls up all his feathers and say, look at me. That is what a man does when he likes a woman.
So you digging right now is going to be real challenging because you'll start picking him apart for being a man.
He's going to pull back. And you're going to tell him it's because he's a pleaser.
And that's not going to go well. That man fixed your plate because he wanted to.
But because you did, you start attributing things and you don't you're not getting to know people.
Because even if he's a pleaser and you just you guys grow and you like him, he can get help for pleasing.
I mean, he is an Al-Anon. I mean, I'm proud of him. He's in counseling. He's an Al-Anon.
And yeah, but he does that. He's kind of doesn't give himself enough credit.
So I have a tendency where I want to encourage him a lot because he's like, how long have you been knowing him, Joey?
I know. It's just OK. Give me an example. He goes, I'm a whole answer my question.
How long have you been knowing him? I haven't known him that long. I met him.
Well, I like started talking to him last year and then we had a bunch of like, wait a minute.
Is this the still red flag party? No, no. I blessed and blocked that dude after the call.
I completely blessed and blocked. OK, OK, go ahead.
No, this is a chat GPT guy who's like, I was like, how are you so nice?
And like, anyway, so I met him last year, but it was like we talked so deeply.
I was like freaked out. He told me all his issues. And I was like, and I dug.
Sorry, I admit I dug. And then I know you did, you know, too much not to dig.
You the digger. And then like we saw each other at these Christian single events that I would go to, but we didn't really talk.
It was like we're miniature golfing. Right. We're not like catching up or anything.
Not too much. And then so he reached out like this month, a few weeks ago, wanted to talk to me.
He still likes me and wants to like talk to me. Right.
So we talked. I don't know. We both. I feel like it's a synergy where like I ask you questions and then he he like he wants to talk and like he wants to be deep, too.
Like, I don't know. So I'm like, I don't know.
I anyways, I think my takeaway is don't ask such don't probe, but don't like ask deeper.
Just be like, oh, interesting. And just be like, all right, whatever. You know, just keep going. Right.
Yeah. You just say, hey, let's just save these conversations for later. Let's just enjoy getting to know each other.
You just say, yeah, like, hey, I get it that you have struggles, but I just want to get to know you and you're not your struggles.
You can just say things like it is not that you guys are deep is that you're not operating in wisdom.
Wisdom tells you.
That there is a natural organic way to get to know a person in is not being up in their jam
Before you know their heart or know something about them
Right, and so it's just wisdom
That's all it is is wisdom because there's gonna be things that people say it ain't nothing you could do. You're gonna judge him
He did tell me he didn't feel judged by me. So I'm like, yeah, but you already judge him in his head
It don't matter what he feel you've made decisions about him. Like you're he don't he don't know no better
Of course, he don't you like the judgment happens internally
You ain't gonna say it at your mouth cuz you getting out his information
So, of course, you want him to keep saying it and you gonna tell you gonna make him feel like you ain't judging him
Cuz if you made him feel like he was judging me, he was shut down Joey
Yeah, I know. Okay. I'm gonna change
These men don't know the ways of women
Mm-hmm. They don't know the ways of these women
Yeah, he's not very experienced, which is fine. But yeah, I'll see him in two weeks. I will do better and then
No, I will I will he's okay
So then there's this other person that I completely declined because it was very turned off about him talking about work
so much like he wanted to hear about my testimony and then it became all about his work and
He tried a couple more times to like ask me to
To meet up or God to dinner and I just declined, you know
what
Because I didn't want to talk about work. I even told him okay, but I don't want to talk about work and he's like fine
Deal, and then I just didn't do it
Okay, so Joanne what I
Know you're gonna tell me don't tell him but now what I'm telling you is
Sometimes people will hold fast to what they feel their best in
And that means that he keeps talking about work because maybe he feels the most accomplished in work
But it doesn't mean that this person is if they feel safe if they have some other things going on that they're not
They're not good to meet up with
Because right now that's probably all he knows to talk about but remember you're not you're just you're just discovery
Just go have the cup of coffee. The person wants to go out with you unless you don't feel safe. There's always my
So when you say he just keep talking about work and I don't want to talk about work
So no, I didn't go out to eat with him, but he was okay
But I just think like even because he keep talking about work. Okay?
Well, he keeps talking about work. It could be that he takes his identity in work. He does
Okay, he was he was stressed. He's been laid off for so many years. So he was so stressed and
There's other things that I was like
Okay, so there are other things okay, but if there weren't other things I'm just talking on that level and then another thing is
He knows that women measure me and by their ability to provide for them and a man should be able to provide
And so if he is self-conscious about that and he's had issue around provision
He knows that you're gonna need provision and so that could be a thing
He keep bringing it up because he's insecure about it now, there's some other things
I can't speak to those things, but I don't know them, but I do want you to consider that and I want you to
Listen, you gotta stop being so quick to cut people out. I
Think it's because I was the opposite. I always always give people a chance like a Home Depot guy. Oh
like so
And so I'm like, okay do that anymore. So I can't I got you went on the other spectrum where I'm like
Yeah
Yes, the pendulum swung all the way over I get it. Okay. Okay, so we I got a little graceful Joey
I want you to come to the center. I'm trying. I don't I don't yeah, so stop talking about deep stuff
Hang out on the surface. All you need is just going on a coffee date get to know a person give them space to show
themselves
But what if I don't like how they show themselves?
Well, you know it if you just give it time
How much if you don't because if you don't think group situations were group friends and I'm like some of it
I'm attracted to some of it. Yeah
Well, you're gonna give them time to show themselves
You just it's just a week, you know talk to him once or twice two or three times
Don't talk every day and stop talking so long talk a few minutes talk more on the coffee date
So you think it's okay that I initiate it because he tried so many times tried a couple of times I declined
So he think yeah, just follow back up and like hey, I think I'm ready for us to go hang out
Okay
All right, let us know how it goes
Okay, okay
All right. All right. Okay, even though I have other concerns like spiritually. Oh
Well, can you put before you say that to him? Can you put?
No, no, no, no, no.
Before you tell me you want to go on a date, it's 9 o'clock.
So we got to go.
But can you post for me on the wall what the other concerns
are, like put it in ex-coach.
Post it for me so I can look at it,
because I really do want to look at it.
I don't believe that you're a woman without wisdom.
And so I value what you share.
And so I really want to know those concerns that you have,
because you're not making things up.
And I don't think that about you at all.
And so what you share is valid.
OK, thank you.
And so before you do that, I want to hear it.
OK, thank you.
You're welcome.
OK, well, thank you, ladies, for hanging in there.
I hope y'all have a good night.
I think Audrey is the only person
that thought you was funny.
Audrey laughed just like me.
Every time you said stuff, we would bust out laughing, Joanne.
So you are funny.
But ladies, you were amazing, yes.
And I hope to see y'all next week.
And post whatever you got to tell me, because I
want to hear all about it, OK?
Thank you so much.
Have a great night.
Thank you.
Thanks, Ebony.
Thank you.
Good night, everyone.
We appreciate you, Ebony.
Oh, you're welcome.