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but at first I didn't hear you but now I hear you.

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Nice yes it's my first time nice to meet you too.

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Nice to meet you and you Sandy Hernandez?

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Yes it's my first time.

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Yes nice to meet you well I'm Ebony and how do you say your name is it Alea Alaa?

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It's Alaa.

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Alaa I know this is not your first time this is your second time right?

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First time on the evening Zoom.

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Oh so I've just responded to you in the chat.

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Yes thank you.

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Okay all right you're welcome all right okay I'm all caught up so it's so good to see you

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ladies tonight we're gonna get started I'll be calling our names all day because I like

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to greet y'all on a personal level I don't want you to feel like you're in some huge Zoom

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it's very intimate space and so I'm excited tonight let's just pray Father God I thank

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you for this evening I thank you for every single one of these ladies I thank you for

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their faith journey that they get to take with you look some people just get married

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and others of us have to believe by faith for the manifestation of it and so we thank

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you for this process because in this process we get to know you differently everybody's

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gonna get to know you some kind of way on some journey in their life and so we're excited

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about this journey that you chose with us to do it with us in Jesus name we thank you

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for wisdom and kingdom solutions on tonight amen amen yes holy spirit come in and make

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yourself manifest on tonight so I already have hands up before we do that I want to

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take just a few minutes how many of you guys were on the Sunday prophetic call

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no no yeah Anita you were there well look it was not I know Helen you were there yes you

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were Helen you were there and some of you guys you already have your hands up and Stephanie

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you were there just because for questioning that's fine but that's so good and so what

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I want to do is something that we did Sharai you were there also and Lori heard the replay

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listened to the replay it was absolutely fantastic supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

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good it was such a faith builder and for all of you hey Brandy and for all of you that

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weren't there I want us to do this again and why do I want to do that again is because it was

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a faith builder and when you're on a journey of faith you need faith building you need

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fire starters you need to hear about the goodness of God over and over and over and over and over

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and over and every day you need a dose of it and every day you need more of it and you don't get

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enough to last it doesn't work that way you gotta keep getting it and keep getting it and keep

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getting it and so I have just an example I have a women's group it's a women's prophetic group we

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get together and we come together we get words for our weeks for our families for our month

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and we're in a group chatting all the time God did this oh man I thought he was gonna do it

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then do this this made me sad but then somebody posts he did this and he did that and it just

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keeps you it keeps you fed it keeps you hungry it keeps you excited it keeps you trusting it

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keeps you believing that God is in your neighborhood you know if he did it for somebody else

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he's around the corner he's doing it all around you so good to see that so this is what we're

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gonna do each one of you guys are gonna post something in the chat that God has done for you

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like a breakthrough that he did in your life like uh it could be a miracle any you can call it a

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miracle call it a breakthrough but I want you to put something in there for the other for us to

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read what God has done in your life and this is gonna build a faith and you're gonna see what I'm

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up in the chat the time frame doesn't matter you can go back to your childhood baby when I tell you

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God is faithful he faithful it don't have no time limit ain't on it ain't no expiration date on God's

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faithfulness and what he's done I'm telling you no matter when he does it still speaks the same

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just like when we think about when Noah built the ark it still speaks the same testimony

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just when we think about the Bible says in the beginning that the Lord creates the heavens and

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earth and the and the earth was void and without form and it says that the spirit of God hovered

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over the earth and then God spoke I don't care how many times you hear that he does something

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it's like come on God speak again the Bible says he spoke the spoke the night and in the day and

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he and he you know he spoke the um the told to see where to go like he just began speaking and

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everything appeared and as much as we hear God spoke it just like something on the inside of us

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and so yes I didn't mean to go on that little preach but I'm just telling you

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it ain't like bread it don't

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Get still it just get gooder and gooder and better and better. We're gonna be like david

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We would have fainted unless we believed to see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living

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We are not gonna faint tonight. We're not gonna faint on this journey. You remember these are just one of your journeys

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Come on now. This is just one of your journeys. This is not the end all be all

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This is just one of your journeys in christ that you get to take that you get to partner with him and know him differently

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That you get to partner with him and know that he's faithful

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I declare for every one of y'all while y'all are feeling this chat up with the goodness of god that your life

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Will declare that god is good

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I'm talking about the very essence of your life will speak of his goodness

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Your life will speak of his faithfulness and see that's the kind of thing we're going after on tonight

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Your life is going to declare who god is no words. Just your life all by himself. How did you get that?

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It was god

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How did how did you get that how did you get a husband like that it was god

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I could spoke something on sunday night and she said

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She said you guys

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You guys this thing is supernatural

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Your love story is supernatural and i'm telling you i've heard jackie say that so many times

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And when she said I was like, oh

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Yeah

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Because in the process of partnering with heaven

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Getting on the dating sites doing the hard work getting the setback bouncing back again

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Getting back up getting ghosted picking through this you thought it was the one it's not the one you forget that it's supernatural

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Because you better did so much work

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You ain't sitting on your butt waiting on amazon to drop you a man if you were doing that I can see you know

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What i'm saying, but we're putting in the work. We're doing our part

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But we can't forget that there's a part called the supernatural where he puts his super to our natural

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And we don't have control of that part

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We only have control of the part we have and when we have control of that part

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Sometimes we start to believe that we have control of the whole process

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And we forget to surrender the pen

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Because the truth be told if we can make it happen, baby

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We would i'm telling you ain't nobody getting on the bus to wait on no husband. We're gonna make that thing happen

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Rightfully so ain't nothing wrong with that. God has given us wisdom. He's given

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He's given us a mind. That's how you show up and be who you are because of what god put in you

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right, and so

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I just want to say that uh, and i'm gonna open up the chat because it seems like they done piled up now and i'm

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So excited. I like when all the testimonies just start piling up on you

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and um

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It's just overflow. Um, so a recent thing. Um, okay now, uh, uh

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Heal and save my dad. Come on. Hallelujah

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And y'all don't be afraid to come on

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Because when you clap and when you say hallelujah

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If that thing is sending in on the inside you hearing it is sitting in on the inside. Okay. Now, which one lord so much?

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I love that felicia. Um, I have my dream job the job. I prayed for when I graduated from college. Come on ronda

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Hallelujah

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And y'all can unmute and say hallelujah. I don't want to be the only one I know you want to make

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To the lord. Oh he lands

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A recent thing that god did was one of one of one of cases that was going to get denied got approved

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Come on, we are not next we are now we're not tomorrow. We are today

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It got approved. It was supposed to be denied. But guess what her case was different and so is yours

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All right, he has helped me recently to achieve my career goal. Yes praise jesus

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God helped me recover 100 of my very expensive security deposit

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Every single penny was returned

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Hallelujah god, we bless you

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Me too, but for me, it was my insurance trip claim. Come on

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He's in our neighborhood, I need some returns some checks in the mail who needs some checks in the mail

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I am literally waiting on the insurance company to send my check. He in my neighborhood. Come on

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He in my name and I just said today lord

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Let him give me more than they was supposed to somehow some way, you know, however, you could make it happen

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All right. He has I made the thing

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Uh, he has blessed me and my kids with a home from habitat humanity. Come on, won't he give you a hand?

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Thank you lord

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Thank you lord

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Ain't nothing like when you and your babies need somewhere to lay your head in safety in a home

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Where they can have a bathroom to go into they can have a living room in the city. Come on. God is faithful

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He cares for us

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All right

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prophetic word about my marriage and i've been birthing something in intercession the last couple of weeks and

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Bethany or jackie was talking about it this weekend. Praise god for

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information come on the birthing process is not easy it comes with a long journey comes with pain

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it comes with a whole shebang i've never had a baby before but i watched my sister have a baby

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she's had five but on the last one i passed out i just i don't know i just

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she does home birth and i just went out for the count come on so i know all right um i don't

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group three hold up i want to i'll talk about that for you laura uh yeah thursday is one of the days

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um he helped me break off a dating relationship and to be honest without much anxiety for the

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first time holly come on hallelujah that is not an easy task i love the way that you um broke

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out something because it speaks to you setting boundaries it speaks to you saying i know what's

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best for me no i don't want this like that is major come on thank you jesus we just declare do

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it again god over every woman in here do it again every month i'm declaring yes do it again it's okay

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if y'all talk about i'm talking it's like saying thank you lord hallelujah go for it it's just a

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good note sounding to the lord i will provide a home and a job and community praise and glory be

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to god come on thank you jesus thank you lord home and community and a job come on we ain't

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struggling we got community to support us in our home in our new job praise you lord

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what else we got okay i'm almost out of my little time oh god is so faithful

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the same money that didn't pay the bills when my ex-husband was in the home paid the bills

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after he left hallelujah hallelujah now god provides more money than before you know sometimes

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you hold on to something because you think you need that little money and god said just let it

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go and watch what i do with the money you got he is a god that can stretch some m-o-n-e-y

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he does what he do but he can do it come on my daughter says if it's god's will it's on god's

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will yes yes yes yes i agree praise the lord i like that god has provided so many times yes

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hallelujah um some drivers are cute which drivers mandy

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god allow me to get my teaching job during the pandemic and i moved to

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texas after a terrible first year of teaching hallelujah thank you jesus talking about

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restoration yes god has prospered me he has blessed me by allowing me to be a grandma for

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the first time in my life hallelujah hallelujah you want to show us a picture of your grandbaby

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hold it up to the camera i would love to see your baby right now i'm in the midst of helping

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my friends buy a house that 10 years ago i was used i was used to purchase uh say that for me

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anita you're helping your friend buy a house that it used to be a house safe house for women

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survivors and now it's being sold and it looks like my friends are going to be able to buy it

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oh wow that is such a miracle hallelujah yeah it's there's it's a long story but i mean it's

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just has god all over it and i live in one of the most expensive areas in the country and my

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my friends have six kids and this tiny little house and i've been trying to find them a place

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for over a year just because this is and anyways when this they when i found out it hasn't been put

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on the market yet so we were able to make a deal you know before it came on and contractors

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started bidding for it and so it's just um it's the most glorious thing yeah praise jesus thank

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you for sharing that sure yeah that's awesome hallelujah all right someone said got somebody

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sent them 500 today come on hallelujah ain't nothing like money in the hand i felt led to

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pa to oh i think pa is pennsylvania but i'm not sure to ohio so i did he provided a free

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place to live for four months then a rental for half the market price then when i was finishing

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up a temporary job he provided a full-time teaching job here's the wildest part i remember seeing the

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school's website and i intentionally did not apply for it yet somehow the principal got my resume and

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called me on the exact day i had i had the next free um the exact day i have the next day free for

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Interview, I just started year three at this school. Come on

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Talking about many of the plans in the man's heart, but it is the lord that establishes his footsteps

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God said I know what you think but I got something else for you. Hallelujah

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God blessed me with a home when I didn't think I could afford it

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He healed me and in kins and I can see him working in my cousin's life. She was baptized recently

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Hallelujah what we're talking about?

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Salvations welcome to the family and thank god. He blessed you with a home

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I'm, so excited about that and he healed you. Yes. I'm on a homebound journey also

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So that is so encouraging. He gave you the ability to rest when you need it. Now, that ain't the testimony. Come on. Hallelujah

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We need the lord to sit ourself down

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Sometimes we just won't stop. It's such a blessing god is faithful and bringing me through every difficult season

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Hallelujah in the end let me scroll down a little bit more

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We got a couple more. He brought me to a great neighborhood and wonderful neighbors praise jesus for t. Yes

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That is a blessing god healed my body fully. Thank you. Jesus god gave me my teaching job

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Which is an amazing testimony and god saved me out of my first marriage and kept me safe

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Open doors of ministry for me over the years. Hallelujah

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After my husband went home to be with the lord we had a truck on thirty two thousand dollar balance

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I was joined by one of my mentors and um speaking it to remove permanent from my credit

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I had to hand over the truck and trust god that it was already done

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It was moved and total clean from my credit and someone needless sent me

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$10,000 the same day to buy me a car without dick. Oh, oh jesus

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God

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Oh my word

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Okay, come on

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Let's see

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Okay, did I get them all yet? God word never fails. He is never late always on time. Uh

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i've

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What?

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Okay, I missed that part up but after waiting patiently god opened the floodgates you won the job making the most money i've ever made

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Still doing what I love. This is my second week in training. Hallelujah a new job making more than you ever made

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hallelujah

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Well ladies, I mean who thinks that's encouraging

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I wanted to

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Pull this scripture up for you because I wanted you to think about this

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I have been meditating on this in the book of lamentations chapter three

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and the prophet is

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I know y'all can't see me but

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I you probably can but i'm trying to get i'm on another screen. So I don't really know how that works

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All right in the book of lamentations chapter three and i'm not about to preach a sermon

209
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But i'm finna tell you the prophet was wailing

210
00:17:53.060 --> 00:17:53.500
right

211
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And he was crying and he was saying that my hope was gone and I don't even know what prosperity looks like anymore

212
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He said I mean he said all kind of things like, you know

213
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The lord had put his teeth to the dust and um, he was bitter and he was wailing he had lost all hope

214
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And then he said

215
00:18:11.360 --> 00:18:16.020
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope

216
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That's what I wanted this activity to be for you

217
00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:26.060
Yet this I call to mind and yet I have hope yet this whatever your testimony is

218
00:18:26.060 --> 00:18:32.240
I call to mind and yet I have hope the prophet goes on to say it's because of the lord's tender mercies

219
00:18:33.460 --> 00:18:37.260
That his compassions that I am not consumed

220
00:18:37.560 --> 00:18:40.320
Great is his faithfulness toward me

221
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And so no matter how many challenge how challenging this gets I want you to use this to call to your mind

222
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Yet this one thing I call to mind whatever the lord has done

223
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Hallelujah. Now, there are a lot of hands up

224
00:18:55.580 --> 00:18:58.860
If you're not if you had your hand up just for like, thank you lord

225
00:18:58.860 --> 00:19:04.960
Go ahead and drop them now and then I can see where we are. And if I do out of order, i'm tired

226
00:19:06.760 --> 00:19:13.120
It's it's done now, so i'm just gonna go across the screen as I see it, okay, go ahead. Yes. Um, yes

227
00:19:13.520 --> 00:19:15.360
I'm gonna say it wrong. Just sending

228
00:19:15.940 --> 00:19:19.860
I'm, sorry, go ahead. Oh, that's okay. Um, it's yesenia

229
00:19:20.840 --> 00:19:23.880
Um, so i'm not discouraged yet

230
00:19:23.880 --> 00:19:24.900
But

231
00:19:24.900 --> 00:19:31.780
But I do need prayer because this is going to be my second week on a christian dating site

232
00:19:31.780 --> 00:19:37.440
And I have zero likes to the point where my sister was like is yours disabled or something?

233
00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:40.380
And i'm like, I don't think so

234
00:19:40.380 --> 00:19:40.900
but

235
00:19:41.760 --> 00:19:43.020
It's upward

236
00:19:43.500 --> 00:19:44.220
Okay

237
00:19:44.340 --> 00:19:46.360
Yeah, so just prayer

238
00:19:46.680 --> 00:19:50.460
So that I don't get discouraged. Do you want to get on another app?

239
00:19:51.100 --> 00:19:57.240
I tried but they're so expensive like they want like 60 bucks a month. Oh, I know. Are you on facebook?

240
00:19:57.800 --> 00:19:59.300
I am not

241
00:19:59.300 --> 00:19:59.980
Maybe I should try

242
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.400
that one yeah you you'll have to are you do you have a facebook profile i do but i don't really

243
00:20:06.620 --> 00:20:13.280
use it oh yeah it's free and you may see more people in the community all around you

244
00:20:15.740 --> 00:20:21.480
and so um i just i don't know where you went to on the screen i'd like to look at

245
00:20:22.580 --> 00:20:27.660
because you put your hand out but i'm gonna find you yeah i think that i would encourage

246
00:20:27.660 --> 00:20:33.620
you to try another app um okay that's my encouragement to you i would pray for you

247
00:20:33.620 --> 00:20:39.020
but i do want you to try another app because i know that it probably could feel very convincing

248
00:20:39.020 --> 00:20:45.300
that because upward is a christian app um but upward is a big hit and miss it's kind of like

249
00:20:45.300 --> 00:20:51.380
if you go on arc arc is from it's just coming to this area so you're not going to find a lot of

250
00:20:51.380 --> 00:20:57.520
people and so i'm saying to you some of your discouragement is not really about you um

251
00:20:57.520 --> 00:21:03.980
someone just posted that they'll wait until you pay so that they can push you out more and so i

252
00:21:03.980 --> 00:21:09.180
just want you to know like it could be just some of that i paid for it i paid like right away when

253
00:21:09.180 --> 00:21:15.180
i signed up oh well you know what's your money worth how much long did you pay i just paid for

254
00:21:15.180 --> 00:21:22.540
the three months i think that was the option so i did that that's right yeah well do do your second

255
00:21:22.540 --> 00:21:28.340
one do it with facebook because it's free you're gonna feel good just to get some hits it's nice

256
00:21:28.600 --> 00:21:34.760
um have you liked anybody yeah like the first day i was like let me just get some you know

257
00:21:34.860 --> 00:21:41.180
activity going but i know it's fun too you know yeah but i mean when i go out i always get

258
00:21:41.180 --> 00:21:47.040
approached and talked to but i'm just scared if i don't get prayer now i will be discouraged

259
00:21:47.040 --> 00:21:58.540
at some point god we thank you that yesenia is uh that that that the best of the best

260
00:21:58.540 --> 00:22:05.420
that the cream of the crop is drawn to her that you put a a glorious shield around her

261
00:22:05.420 --> 00:22:10.720
and god if it's not the cream of the crop and the best of the best just let them stay where they are

262
00:22:11.220 --> 00:22:16.500
and we trust you that she's god defended and you're leading this journey and i it's gonna

263
00:22:16.500 --> 00:22:26.720
get better it always does sounds good thank you and amen i agree i'm in agreement yes okay you'll

264
00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:32.540
be writing us about it on the wall telling us soon um yes receive that as well helen um

265
00:22:33.780 --> 00:22:40.200
i'm gonna say it the way i phonetically see it but your next uh i know that jay should sound like

266
00:22:40.200 --> 00:22:48.560
hoka hoka go hoka i'm gonna start right there yeah actually when i was in college that was my

267
00:22:48.560 --> 00:22:57.960
college nickname hoka that was my college nickname so i kind of want to process something just for

268
00:22:58.560 --> 00:23:03.520
yesenia really quick i i've tried upward in the past and it wasn't that great either but right

269
00:23:03.520 --> 00:23:09.120
now i'm on coffee meets bagel and that's actually where my question leads to so i met some guy from

270
00:23:09.120 --> 00:23:15.220
coffee meets bagel um i decided to be more open-minded because that's one of the things i

271
00:23:15.220 --> 00:23:23.780
had to let go in level one um because part of my thing was um it's gonna sound so bad but i was

272
00:23:23.780 --> 00:23:28.420
like i'm done with latino men i was i was having one of those like moments where i was like okay

273
00:23:28.420 --> 00:23:33.940
i've already tried dating other cultures and it was just so much better that i was like okay i'm

274
00:23:33.940 --> 00:23:39.000
done but that's one of the things that in level one that got highlighted to me and so i match

275
00:23:39.000 --> 00:23:45.980
with this guy because he had a really nice profile and um so i've actually like really

276
00:23:45.980 --> 00:23:51.460
impressed like he's just such a like he's a good guy he's christian like he's accomplished because

277
00:23:51.460 --> 00:23:56.620
i'm an attorney so that was like really important to me to have somebody like who was also like you

278
00:23:56.620 --> 00:24:01.600
know had his own thing going on and you know he's in real estate so i like him and so we've been

279
00:24:01.600 --> 00:24:08.620
talking pretty much like uh this was our second date was on saturday oh um our second date was on

280
00:24:08.620 --> 00:24:19.020
saturday but i'm just not sure if like like dating like in a holy way like how slow it is

281
00:24:20.240 --> 00:24:28.280
because like you know he didn't really like try to hold my hand or try to be cute or anything like

282
00:24:28.280 --> 00:24:36.080
that and he had so many opportunities to do so like i actually even asked him like we were walking

283
00:24:36.080 --> 00:24:41.520
like i'm we were um i don't know if you guys you guys probably not familiar with this area but i'm

284
00:24:41.520 --> 00:24:47.760
from long beach and so we went to shoreline village which is a popular place in long beach

285
00:24:48.140 --> 00:24:55.340
and i've been there a ton of times and like um and like they're you know they're like you know

286
00:24:55.340 --> 00:24:59.420
there's like vendors and like i know and one of one of the vendors was like oh are you gonna buy

287
00:24:59.420 --> 00:24:59.960
her a flower

288
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.680
and I turned around and I was like,

289
00:25:01.700 --> 00:25:02.800
are you gonna buy me a flower?

290
00:25:03.640 --> 00:25:08.140
And he just like kept on walking, you know, like,

291
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:09.920
and I, cause I was like,

292
00:25:10.020 --> 00:25:12.000
well, I think I kind of made it clear that I do want one.

293
00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:13.980
Cause I kind of did when he said that I was just like,

294
00:25:14.040 --> 00:25:16.160
well, I do want a flower, you know?

295
00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:18.420
And like I said, like no action.

296
00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:19.700
And we were talking like the whole,

297
00:25:19.900 --> 00:25:20.840
since that was like our second,

298
00:25:20.920 --> 00:25:24.140
like the whole prior to this, prior to the second date,

299
00:25:24.140 --> 00:25:26.420
like we were talking for like two hours on the phone

300
00:25:26.420 --> 00:25:27.840
when we did talk on the phone.

301
00:25:27.840 --> 00:25:29.720
I think it was like three times that week.

302
00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:33.020
And so that's why I'm like, how slow is too slow?

303
00:25:33.820 --> 00:25:34.060
Yeah.

304
00:25:34.080 --> 00:25:35.980
You know, or, or, you know,

305
00:25:35.980 --> 00:25:37.960
I know that he really wants to do things right.

306
00:25:37.960 --> 00:25:39.720
He made that clear that he's like,

307
00:25:39.900 --> 00:25:42.020
Oh, like I want to make sure that, you know,

308
00:25:43.740 --> 00:25:46.740
I'm, I'm being holy and being, you know, a good,

309
00:25:47.380 --> 00:25:49.620
you know, being a man of God throughout this whole thing.

310
00:25:50.500 --> 00:25:54.820
But I wasn't sure whether, you know what I mean?

311
00:25:54.820 --> 00:25:57.300
Like, I didn't really get a lot of like,

312
00:25:57.540 --> 00:25:58.660
of that romanticism.

313
00:25:59.100 --> 00:26:01.460
Yeah. Well, tell me this.

314
00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:04.620
What him, what, what is it that you desire?

315
00:26:04.660 --> 00:26:05.700
You want him to do?

316
00:26:06.040 --> 00:26:07.860
You want him to hold your hand and whatever?

317
00:26:08.160 --> 00:26:08.780
Yes. Yes.

318
00:26:08.780 --> 00:26:10.020
That's what I was just like, you know,

319
00:26:10.020 --> 00:26:11.520
we were walking on shoreline,

320
00:26:11.740 --> 00:26:13.460
which is like by the beach and like,

321
00:26:13.500 --> 00:26:16.320
didn't try to hold my hand, didn't buy a flower.

322
00:26:17.120 --> 00:26:19.520
I mean, at the beginning he just said that I look nice,

323
00:26:19.600 --> 00:26:22.100
but even when I like, I had asked him,

324
00:26:22.700 --> 00:26:25.260
like during one of our calls, if he found me attractive,

325
00:26:25.520 --> 00:26:27.860
just because I had a bad experience a couple of months ago

326
00:26:27.860 --> 00:26:30.360
where some guy like after the first date kind of like

327
00:26:30.360 --> 00:26:32.320
made that clear that he didn't really find me attractive

328
00:26:32.320 --> 00:26:33.700
after the first date.

329
00:26:34.040 --> 00:26:35.960
And so I was just like, I just want to be clear.

330
00:26:36.040 --> 00:26:38.060
It's not that you have to like say anything,

331
00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:40.700
but I just, just want to get the baseline that you want,

332
00:26:40.700 --> 00:26:42.260
that you actually find me attractive.

333
00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:46.160
And he was just like, well, yeah, you have your charm.

334
00:26:47.360 --> 00:26:49.540
That was pretty much it.

335
00:26:49.540 --> 00:26:52.500
And yeah, who suggested the second date?

336
00:26:53.740 --> 00:26:54.280
He did.

337
00:26:54.420 --> 00:26:55.860
We were talking and he was like,

338
00:26:55.860 --> 00:26:57.480
no, I want to connect with you again.

339
00:26:59.040 --> 00:27:01.980
And we kept on going back and forth with it.

340
00:27:02.140 --> 00:27:04.880
And like, even in the, I need to stop this.

341
00:27:05.140 --> 00:27:06.960
I need to like, not that I need to stop this,

342
00:27:07.720 --> 00:27:10.580
but it's, I'm very straightforward and very honest.

343
00:27:10.600 --> 00:27:12.140
And we were going back and forth.

344
00:27:12.220 --> 00:27:14.920
Like every time we had a conversation during the week,

345
00:27:15.060 --> 00:27:17.040
he was like, oh, let's connect on Saturday.

346
00:27:17.140 --> 00:27:18.020
Let's connect on Saturday.

347
00:27:18.460 --> 00:27:22.880
And then he would say, oh, let's hang out again.

348
00:27:22.940 --> 00:27:24.820
But he wouldn't like pick a place

349
00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:27.540
on where we were going to like hang out and stuff.

350
00:27:27.640 --> 00:27:29.760
First, he was saying that he was going to come to my area,

351
00:27:30.520 --> 00:27:32.120
you know, where I live in Huntington,

352
00:27:32.740 --> 00:27:34.080
which is another beach city.

353
00:27:34.080 --> 00:27:35.980
And I was just like, oh, I thought that was cool.

354
00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:37.440
But then he was like, no,

355
00:27:37.480 --> 00:27:39.240
you should come to my area and go hiking.

356
00:27:39.340 --> 00:27:41.200
And then he was saying that, and I was just like,

357
00:27:41.360 --> 00:27:43.360
hey, do you like not know how to plan a date?

358
00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:45.940
Because we keep on going back and forth.

359
00:27:45.940 --> 00:27:49.020
And I'm used to dating like masculine men

360
00:27:49.020 --> 00:27:54.260
where it's like date time show up and that's it, you know?

361
00:27:54.260 --> 00:27:56.000
So I was just like, okay.

362
00:27:56.020 --> 00:27:57.460
And he was like, yeah, I do.

363
00:27:57.560 --> 00:28:01.320
And so I'm just kind of like unsure in that.

364
00:28:01.380 --> 00:28:02.460
Yeah, for sure.

365
00:28:03.180 --> 00:28:03.640
Okay.

366
00:28:04.120 --> 00:28:05.200
And now I mean, granted,

367
00:28:05.200 --> 00:28:07.580
I don't have everything when I'm processing this.

368
00:28:07.580 --> 00:28:10.900
So you can throw in other thoughts as I'm throwing back out.

369
00:28:13.160 --> 00:28:17.920
So you're a lawyer, so you're used to taking charge.

370
00:28:18.020 --> 00:28:18.340
Yeah.

371
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:19.600
Okay.

372
00:28:22.900 --> 00:28:27.140
You could possibly be giving off a lot of masculine energy.

373
00:28:28.100 --> 00:28:30.620
So when you look back at a man and say,

374
00:28:31.280 --> 00:28:32.540
are you going to buy me a flower?

375
00:28:33.040 --> 00:28:35.600
It's almost like you're putting demand on him

376
00:28:35.600 --> 00:28:37.360
to do something you want.

377
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:38.980
He's not free flowing.

378
00:28:38.980 --> 00:28:40.500
So the fact that he whipped you,

379
00:28:40.500 --> 00:28:41.900
that he didn't buy it, right?

380
00:28:42.280 --> 00:28:43.020
No, he didn't.

381
00:28:43.480 --> 00:28:45.680
Right, he stood, you say there's not masculine,

382
00:28:45.760 --> 00:28:47.480
that's masculine to say, no,

383
00:28:47.500 --> 00:28:50.120
I'll make a decision if I want to buy you a flower.

384
00:28:50.420 --> 00:28:52.960
But when you turned around and said, are you going to do it?

385
00:28:52.960 --> 00:28:55.800
Now he could have said, oh yeah, I could have.

386
00:28:56.060 --> 00:28:58.620
But that would have gave to you that this is a man

387
00:28:58.620 --> 00:29:00.640
that does what he thinks pleases you.

388
00:29:01.140 --> 00:29:02.460
That's not what you want.

389
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:05.300
You want a man that can make his own decisions.

390
00:29:05.620 --> 00:29:07.940
And even in the face of that, that was heavy pressure.

391
00:29:09.360 --> 00:29:11.220
For you to look back at him and say,

392
00:29:11.260 --> 00:29:12.420
are you going to do this?

393
00:29:12.420 --> 00:29:15.620
Cause you pretty much say it, I want it.

394
00:29:15.620 --> 00:29:16.700
Now you don't do it.

395
00:29:18.940 --> 00:29:21.620
I don't think that has anything to do with pressure.

396
00:29:21.820 --> 00:29:24.720
Now what you could have said is, oh, I do want a flower.

397
00:29:25.060 --> 00:29:27.660
He may not get it, but I would like to get it.

398
00:29:27.820 --> 00:29:29.700
Like you could have said that, right?

399
00:29:30.440 --> 00:29:33.420
Or you could have left it quiet to let him do it.

400
00:29:33.760 --> 00:29:36.080
The reason why, whether he did it or not,

401
00:29:36.080 --> 00:29:39.020
if you had held your tongue,

402
00:29:39.720 --> 00:29:42.300
it would have put you in a very feminine position.

403
00:29:43.840 --> 00:29:47.340
Probably want to practice shifting over your energy.

404
00:29:47.960 --> 00:29:49.140
I know that you feel like,

405
00:29:49.260 --> 00:29:50.840
oh, this is just, I'm just straight forward.

406
00:29:53.620 --> 00:29:59.980
But that type of energy is not going to help you.

407
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.800
How can I attract a masculine man to you?

408
00:30:02.360 --> 00:30:04.340
Yeah, but the thing is, in the past,

409
00:30:05.140 --> 00:30:07.500
I've gone out with Middle Eastern men,

410
00:30:07.580 --> 00:30:09.680
and they just automatically are like that.

411
00:30:09.760 --> 00:30:11.620
And I never give that kind of energy.

412
00:30:12.420 --> 00:30:15.960
I just comply, because they're just already like that.

413
00:30:15.960 --> 00:30:19.920
Because I had went on a date the previous week

414
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:23.980
with a guy who was Egyptian, and I never

415
00:30:24.120 --> 00:30:25.720
gave off that kind of energy.

416
00:30:25.720 --> 00:30:28.460
Because it was like, this is what we're going to do.

417
00:30:28.460 --> 00:30:30.480
This is what it's going to be.

418
00:30:30.840 --> 00:30:31.640
And I don't.

419
00:30:31.900 --> 00:30:32.820
I've been in that position.

420
00:30:33.180 --> 00:30:35.940
And so this guy is more different.

421
00:30:36.760 --> 00:30:39.620
So it just kind of brings out that in me.

422
00:30:39.980 --> 00:30:40.640
He should be.

423
00:30:41.480 --> 00:30:43.160
Rightfully so, he should be different.

424
00:30:44.360 --> 00:30:47.440
It can bend you toward that way, but you

425
00:30:47.440 --> 00:30:49.600
have to stabilize your own self.

426
00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:53.980
You have to decide what position are you going to stand in.

427
00:30:54.060 --> 00:30:56.580
And then you've got to hold your ground right there.

428
00:30:56.580 --> 00:31:00.740
Middle Eastern men also are more dominating.

429
00:31:01.860 --> 00:31:04.080
There's a difference between masculinity and domination.

430
00:31:04.740 --> 00:31:07.760
And Middle Eastern men are more dominating.

431
00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:10.540
There's nothing wrong with that, more dominating.

432
00:31:10.760 --> 00:31:14.000
I used to believe that I would have to marry a dominating

433
00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:16.140
man to tame me.

434
00:31:16.760 --> 00:31:21.380
Because I am very forward, very plowhead.

435
00:31:21.400 --> 00:31:24.380
I will run over you with a bulldozer.

436
00:31:24.380 --> 00:31:25.940
No lie.

437
00:31:28.140 --> 00:31:30.060
Something in me will rise up because the way

438
00:31:30.060 --> 00:31:32.140
I've been raised from controlling women,

439
00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:35.180
I will go head to head with a man.

440
00:31:35.820 --> 00:31:38.420
I had to learn that that's not the order

441
00:31:38.500 --> 00:31:40.460
that I needed to operate in.

442
00:31:40.680 --> 00:31:43.200
So I'm just saying, I had to, though.

443
00:31:43.200 --> 00:31:45.140
I have to pull myself back in.

444
00:31:45.300 --> 00:31:46.680
Even when there's things that I don't like,

445
00:31:46.820 --> 00:31:48.220
even when I want them to make a decision,

446
00:31:48.500 --> 00:31:50.640
even when they're going back and forth, I just get quiet.

447
00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:55.560
And let them just kind of like...

448
00:31:55.560 --> 00:31:58.300
Just until I decide, like, hey, well,

449
00:31:58.300 --> 00:31:59.600
you haven't made a decision.

450
00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:02.840
And so let me know next time I put it on the calendar.

451
00:32:04.100 --> 00:32:06.620
You let things like that speak for you.

452
00:32:06.800 --> 00:32:09.420
Like you give them space to be who they are

453
00:32:09.420 --> 00:32:11.480
so you can discover who they are.

454
00:32:11.760 --> 00:32:13.700
You don't have to accept who they are.

455
00:32:13.700 --> 00:32:14.920
That's your choice.

456
00:32:15.280 --> 00:32:17.860
But you don't want to lead them and tell them

457
00:32:17.860 --> 00:32:19.980
who to be to suit you best.

458
00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:21.200
Okay.

459
00:32:21.600 --> 00:32:24.500
So when you relax and let back,

460
00:32:24.820 --> 00:32:26.720
and that's how you let them lead,

461
00:32:26.800 --> 00:32:28.820
whether they do a poor job at leading or not,

462
00:32:28.840 --> 00:32:32.660
you're just trying to let them be who they are.

463
00:32:33.960 --> 00:32:34.440
Right?

464
00:32:34.500 --> 00:32:36.440
And so I wanted to say that.

465
00:32:38.320 --> 00:32:41.140
And so every man gets an opportunity

466
00:32:41.160 --> 00:32:43.000
to shape something different in us

467
00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:44.440
because it is dating for discovery.

468
00:32:44.540 --> 00:32:45.280
And I'm going to speed up.

469
00:32:45.300 --> 00:32:46.560
It's dating for discovery.

470
00:32:47.180 --> 00:32:49.640
This is something, because he is who he is,

471
00:32:49.640 --> 00:32:51.460
you get to discover this about yourself.

472
00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:54.040
And about him, right?

473
00:32:54.060 --> 00:32:54.860
You get to discover.

474
00:32:55.400 --> 00:32:56.640
You saw something about him,

475
00:32:56.840 --> 00:32:58.700
but your biggest revelation is going to be about

476
00:32:58.700 --> 00:32:59.760
how you're going to learn.

477
00:32:59.760 --> 00:33:01.120
How I handle that situation.

478
00:33:01.280 --> 00:33:01.560
Yep.

479
00:33:01.560 --> 00:33:01.880
Yeah.

480
00:33:01.880 --> 00:33:04.360
And how are you going to come into a place

481
00:33:04.360 --> 00:33:06.680
where you can set yourself solid

482
00:33:06.680 --> 00:33:09.860
and say, if I want a kingdom man, a leader,

483
00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:12.380
then I have to hold a position.

484
00:33:13.680 --> 00:33:16.960
And then when I see that man doesn't have,

485
00:33:16.960 --> 00:33:19.220
or is not operating or leading me,

486
00:33:19.920 --> 00:33:22.540
like the way you see best is one perspective,

487
00:33:22.900 --> 00:33:23.900
one perception, right?

488
00:33:23.900 --> 00:33:26.960
But you got to hold still enough to see the way he leads

489
00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:28.740
and then decide if you're on board or not

490
00:33:28.740 --> 00:33:30.420
without trying to tell him who to be.

491
00:33:31.860 --> 00:33:32.740
That's yes.

492
00:33:33.360 --> 00:33:33.800
Yes.

493
00:33:33.820 --> 00:33:34.200
Right.

494
00:33:35.220 --> 00:33:37.160
So I'm going to make you be this person,

495
00:33:37.220 --> 00:33:39.000
but that's not what you want, actually.

496
00:33:39.660 --> 00:33:40.980
If you get the right man,

497
00:33:40.980 --> 00:33:42.640
he'll let you tell him who to be,

498
00:33:42.820 --> 00:33:44.220
but you're going to pay for it later

499
00:33:44.900 --> 00:33:46.720
because he's going to resent you.

500
00:33:47.240 --> 00:33:47.680
Okay.

501
00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:50.840
He's resenting you because he's folded

502
00:33:50.840 --> 00:33:52.620
under the pressure of being who you wanted.

503
00:33:52.680 --> 00:33:55.140
But when he gets his voice, he's going to let you have it.

504
00:33:55.640 --> 00:33:57.380
Because he did everything to please you.

505
00:33:57.520 --> 00:33:58.080
It was for you.

506
00:33:58.480 --> 00:33:58.480


507
00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:00.220
He's going to find out you're never pleasable

508
00:34:00.540 --> 00:34:03.360
because anytime somebody shapes another person,

509
00:34:03.700 --> 00:34:04.860
they can never be pleased.

510
00:34:05.660 --> 00:34:07.500
Because it's like you're typing into a computer

511
00:34:07.500 --> 00:34:09.040
and they're giving you back what you want.

512
00:34:09.060 --> 00:34:10.560
And then you're going to say to yourself one day,

513
00:34:10.580 --> 00:34:11.980
well, who are you?

514
00:34:12.659 --> 00:34:13.139
Mm-hmm.

515
00:34:13.380 --> 00:34:15.080
You're not going to last that way forever.

516
00:34:15.260 --> 00:34:17.300
You're going to want to know who that man is

517
00:34:17.300 --> 00:34:20.699
because it's going to make you feel that he can't lead you.

518
00:34:21.800 --> 00:34:21.800


519
00:34:21.860 --> 00:34:23.480
Even though he gives you everything he wants,

520
00:34:23.540 --> 00:34:24.980
you're going to doubt his ability

521
00:34:25.219 --> 00:34:27.100
because you know after so long,

522
00:34:27.159 --> 00:34:29.219
he's just giving you what you told him you wanted.

523
00:34:29.440 --> 00:34:30.820
I just want to say that.

524
00:34:30.860 --> 00:34:33.159
And so I want you to position yourself

525
00:34:33.159 --> 00:34:34.980
more in a feminine place,

526
00:34:35.580 --> 00:34:38.139
like shift yourself because your job

527
00:34:38.139 --> 00:34:40.179
and probably every other thing around you

528
00:34:40.179 --> 00:34:41.580
pushes you to that place.

529
00:34:42.080 --> 00:34:43.560
Like a woman who pays all her bills.

530
00:34:43.940 --> 00:34:45.340
Like a woman who has to take care of her household.

531
00:34:45.639 --> 00:34:47.880
You're naturally going to have a masculine energy

532
00:34:47.880 --> 00:34:48.739
flowing through you

533
00:34:48.739 --> 00:34:50.600
because don't nobody take care of you but you.

534
00:34:50.920 --> 00:34:51.800
If it's going to get done,

535
00:34:51.900 --> 00:34:53.380
you're going to want to be the one to do it.

536
00:34:53.480 --> 00:34:56.000
Well, in order to come into union and marriage

537
00:34:56.000 --> 00:34:58.240
and be happy in your marriage,

538
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.280
You've got to come into a position of humility.

539
00:35:03.920 --> 00:35:05.920
You have to operate in more grace.

540
00:35:06.600 --> 00:35:08.920
You have to understand that when a man and a woman

541
00:35:08.920 --> 00:35:10.600
comes together, there is an order.

542
00:35:11.140 --> 00:35:13.520
And the order is what serves you best.

543
00:35:14.340 --> 00:35:17.020
Every little way that you can come under,

544
00:35:17.540 --> 00:35:19.460
like submit or lay back, maybe come under

545
00:35:19.460 --> 00:35:21.980
can be harsh for some people to receive that word,

546
00:35:22.040 --> 00:35:25.480
especially if you've had some trauma in the past with marriage

547
00:35:25.480 --> 00:35:26.020
or men.

548
00:35:26.660 --> 00:35:30.540
Any way that you can lay back and let go,

549
00:35:31.260 --> 00:35:33.200
that's going to help you.

550
00:35:33.340 --> 00:35:35.020
OK, yeah.

551
00:35:35.020 --> 00:35:38.140
Because I don't have traumas with previous men like that.

552
00:35:38.740 --> 00:35:44.600
Because my previous relationship, he just led

553
00:35:44.600 --> 00:35:46.620
and I followed, planned everything

554
00:35:46.620 --> 00:35:47.640
and I just followed.

555
00:35:47.920 --> 00:35:50.440
But now for the past three years where

556
00:35:50.440 --> 00:35:52.020
I have been completely independent,

557
00:35:52.240 --> 00:35:54.520
I mean, I can see exactly what you're

558
00:35:54.520 --> 00:35:55.880
saying that I need to work on.

559
00:35:56.500 --> 00:35:59.060
Because I have stepped into a masculine world.

560
00:35:59.060 --> 00:36:01.320
Because after my dad died, my ex-boyfriend just

561
00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:05.760
kind of took over and was just like, he was the man.

562
00:36:05.940 --> 00:36:07.480
And so after we broke up, that's when

563
00:36:07.480 --> 00:36:08.960
I kind of had to rebuild myself.

564
00:36:09.120 --> 00:36:11.420
But I rebuilt myself into the masculine energy

565
00:36:11.420 --> 00:36:13.580
because I had to take care of myself now.

566
00:36:15.560 --> 00:36:17.720
So that makes total sense.

567
00:36:18.360 --> 00:36:19.280
Makes total sense.

568
00:36:19.560 --> 00:36:21.080
So that was great.

569
00:36:21.680 --> 00:36:26.200
I'm going to step into that feminine energy more.

570
00:36:26.920 --> 00:36:28.760
And one piece at a time, it's not easy.

571
00:36:29.160 --> 00:36:30.880
It's not easy, but it's doable.

572
00:36:31.280 --> 00:36:32.880
Just bite out small chunks.

573
00:36:33.460 --> 00:36:35.600
Just very small things will get you there.

574
00:36:35.780 --> 00:36:39.020
What you do in one area will navigate over, swim over

575
00:36:39.020 --> 00:36:40.080
into the other area.

576
00:36:41.340 --> 00:36:43.120
Yeah, and give yourself grace.

577
00:36:44.460 --> 00:36:46.340
Everybody has something to grow in

578
00:36:46.340 --> 00:36:47.840
and every person coming into a marriage

579
00:36:47.840 --> 00:36:50.400
is going to have something to cultivate in the other person.

580
00:36:51.820 --> 00:36:52.340
Yeah.

581
00:36:52.800 --> 00:36:55.660
And when a man shows a woman she can be safe with him,

582
00:36:55.760 --> 00:36:58.100
she becomes soft really quickly.

583
00:36:58.640 --> 00:36:59.800
Yeah, no, it's true.

584
00:37:00.020 --> 00:37:00.460
It's true.

585
00:37:00.560 --> 00:37:02.600
That's because I've already experienced it.

586
00:37:02.740 --> 00:37:05.120
I think now that I've changed so much

587
00:37:05.120 --> 00:37:07.460
since that last relationship, you

588
00:37:07.460 --> 00:37:09.420
don't realize how much you have stepped

589
00:37:09.420 --> 00:37:10.740
into your masculine energy.

590
00:37:11.300 --> 00:37:11.800
Yeah.

591
00:37:11.800 --> 00:37:13.900
Oh, I want to say this, and then I'm going to move on.

592
00:37:14.180 --> 00:37:16.340
I'm so glad Hellosphere brought back to my remembrance.

593
00:37:16.700 --> 00:37:20.580
I want you to explore what holding someone's hand

594
00:37:20.580 --> 00:37:21.760
does for you.

595
00:37:22.360 --> 00:37:24.780
What does that mean to you if he held your hand?

596
00:37:24.980 --> 00:37:26.240
Does it mean that he wants you?

597
00:37:29.300 --> 00:37:29.780
Yes.

598
00:37:30.680 --> 00:37:32.140
Yeah, that would mean he, I guess.

599
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:36.220
Yeah, I guess that he likes me more than just a friend.

600
00:37:36.720 --> 00:37:37.980
He likes you more than just a friend.

601
00:37:38.840 --> 00:37:39.320
Right.

602
00:37:39.520 --> 00:37:41.620
And so if he doesn't hold your hand,

603
00:37:41.660 --> 00:37:43.580
does it mean he doesn't like you more than a friend?

604
00:37:44.300 --> 00:37:46.580
He's spending his time with you.

605
00:37:46.580 --> 00:37:47.060
Mm-hmm.

606
00:37:47.720 --> 00:37:49.260
What does that count for?

607
00:37:53.300 --> 00:37:54.220
I mean, it does.

608
00:37:54.560 --> 00:37:57.800
I guess it counts, but I'm not sure if like, I don't know.

609
00:37:57.860 --> 00:38:02.620
I guess I would know for sure whether he really likes me

610
00:38:02.620 --> 00:38:05.780
or not if it got, I guess, a little bit more physical.

611
00:38:05.900 --> 00:38:08.820
Like, yeah, you can drive down from where you live

612
00:38:08.820 --> 00:38:14.760
and meet up with me, but it's like, I'm still,

613
00:38:14.760 --> 00:38:16.960
I feel like, I guess I'm still more of an option.

614
00:38:17.140 --> 00:38:18.880
I guess it makes me feel like I'm more of an option.

615
00:38:19.500 --> 00:38:21.380
And so that's something good to explore

616
00:38:21.380 --> 00:38:24.000
because he could hold your hand and not like you at all.

617
00:38:24.300 --> 00:38:26.960
He could hold your hand and just want to sleep with you.

618
00:38:28.040 --> 00:38:29.400
He could not like you.

619
00:38:30.720 --> 00:38:30.720


620
00:38:30.840 --> 00:38:32.160
And hold your hand.

621
00:38:35.540 --> 00:38:36.920
That's right, yeah.

622
00:38:37.980 --> 00:38:41.960
So what we say is, so I want you to process through that

623
00:38:41.960 --> 00:38:48.700
and what we say is, when you're first getting to know a person,

624
00:38:48.840 --> 00:38:51.340
you know, you're first, don't do any physical contact.

625
00:38:52.060 --> 00:38:52.360
Yeah.

626
00:38:53.280 --> 00:38:55.760
Physical contact speeds things up.

627
00:38:56.460 --> 00:38:56.780
Mm-hmm.

628
00:38:57.020 --> 00:38:58.580
So that means don't hold hands.

629
00:38:59.060 --> 00:39:00.360
Don't do real long hugs.

630
00:39:00.400 --> 00:39:01.880
You know, hug and pull back.

631
00:39:01.940 --> 00:39:03.660
You know how you can hug a real long time.

632
00:39:04.060 --> 00:39:06.160
Don't hug a real long time because you could feel

633
00:39:06.160 --> 00:39:07.480
the feels when you do it.

634
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:10.260
So you want to stay clear of that.

635
00:39:10.260 --> 00:39:12.040
And I want to tell you this.

636
00:39:12.040 --> 00:39:14.080
I know I got to move on, but I just want to say this.

637
00:39:14.220 --> 00:39:18.860
You never know what physical touch can activate in a person,

638
00:39:19.100 --> 00:39:19.940
especially a man.

639
00:39:20.280 --> 00:39:23.380
And we don't realize how much they have to restrain themselves

640
00:39:23.380 --> 00:39:24.920
because they are visual creatures.

641
00:39:24.980 --> 00:39:28.420
And when they see, it activates something in them from the image.

642
00:39:28.600 --> 00:39:31.040
And so when a man is operating in Christ

643
00:39:31.040 --> 00:39:33.400
and he wants to operate in purity,

644
00:39:33.500 --> 00:39:37.140
he has to go to further restraints than a woman would sometimes

645
00:39:37.140 --> 00:39:40.180
to keep himself on the straight and narrow, right?

646
00:39:40.260 --> 00:39:42.240
So you never know what one thing triggers.

647
00:39:42.780 --> 00:39:44.300
What surprises me the most,

648
00:39:44.480 --> 00:39:46.240
and I think that's kind of, I find intriguing,

649
00:39:46.300 --> 00:39:47.420
he's actually a virgin.

650
00:39:48.340 --> 00:39:50.300
Like we had a conversation about it.

651
00:39:50.340 --> 00:39:52.360
I was, I'm still surprised.

652
00:39:52.420 --> 00:39:53.300
I'm so kind of shocked.

653
00:39:54.020 --> 00:39:54.760
Oh, wow.

654
00:39:55.100 --> 00:39:58.320
Yeah, I don't think I've ever met a man like that.

655
00:39:58.700 --> 00:39:59.480
Oh, interesting.

656
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.440
Well, it's a reason he's still a virgin.

657
00:40:02.440 --> 00:40:03.920
Because he ain't holding hands.

658
00:40:06.080 --> 00:40:06.720
That's right.

659
00:40:06.720 --> 00:40:09.180
I think when he said that, and I was just like, oh my gosh.

660
00:40:09.840 --> 00:40:11.560
Because I'm not.

661
00:40:12.440 --> 00:40:16.240
Not that I've had a long list of men, but I'm not.

662
00:40:17.640 --> 00:40:19.760
Yeah, well, no, no, we totally get it, yeah.

663
00:40:20.040 --> 00:40:22.200
Yeah, so that's why I was just like, oh, well.

664
00:40:22.620 --> 00:40:25.400
I didn't expect that from someone his age

665
00:40:25.400 --> 00:40:27.880
and his accomplishments and stuff like that.

666
00:40:30.440 --> 00:40:32.780
Yeah, so I'm kind of amazed at that.

667
00:40:33.280 --> 00:40:38.260
So I guess I'm the one who wanted it more than him.

668
00:40:38.560 --> 00:40:40.500
Because physical touch is not my love language.

669
00:40:40.980 --> 00:40:42.540
But it's, I don't know.

670
00:40:42.540 --> 00:40:46.280
I just wasn't, I guess, wasn't sure how to handle it.

671
00:40:46.300 --> 00:40:48.840
Sometimes with a woman, we feel like we

672
00:40:48.840 --> 00:40:50.980
know you want us if you desire us sexually.

673
00:40:51.240 --> 00:40:54.140
That's a real thing that has been embedded in a woman.

674
00:40:54.600 --> 00:40:54.960
Yes.

675
00:40:54.960 --> 00:40:56.060
But it's not true.

676
00:40:56.760 --> 00:40:58.280
Women have sex for love.

677
00:40:59.160 --> 00:41:01.860
Men have sex to have sex.

678
00:41:01.980 --> 00:41:04.500
But women, most of the times, if you

679
00:41:04.600 --> 00:41:07.380
are pretty kind of OK, kind of healthy,

680
00:41:07.520 --> 00:41:09.160
just not really out there.

681
00:41:10.020 --> 00:41:11.440
But almost, not even got to be out there.

682
00:41:11.540 --> 00:41:12.740
This ain't got nothing to do with OK out there.

683
00:41:12.800 --> 00:41:13.880
I'm sorry I even said that.

684
00:41:14.200 --> 00:41:15.540
We have sex for love.

685
00:41:15.780 --> 00:41:17.800
When a woman has sex with a man, she usually

686
00:41:17.800 --> 00:41:21.060
doesn't just give her body up, unless she's

687
00:41:21.060 --> 00:41:22.340
going through some type of phase.

688
00:41:22.720 --> 00:41:24.220
There's a connection that happens

689
00:41:24.220 --> 00:41:25.640
with a woman when she has sex.

690
00:41:25.640 --> 00:41:29.440
And so usually, a woman will have sex out of love for love.

691
00:41:29.720 --> 00:41:31.800
But that's how men can have sex and get up and walk away.

692
00:41:31.880 --> 00:41:33.360
And you're like, but we had sex.

693
00:41:33.500 --> 00:41:34.600
What were you doing?

694
00:41:34.840 --> 00:41:37.140
But we, but we, and they're like, we what?

695
00:41:37.960 --> 00:41:39.500
So there's a different thing that happens.

696
00:41:39.600 --> 00:41:41.660
And so that could be an underlying thing that tells you,

697
00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:43.700
if he wants to hold my hand, he's attracted to me.

698
00:41:43.760 --> 00:41:45.460
And you may have some underlying issues

699
00:41:45.460 --> 00:41:46.760
with being attracted to me.

700
00:41:46.780 --> 00:41:48.480
Like you said, that last man said it to you.

701
00:41:48.500 --> 00:41:51.080
It wouldn't affect you as much unless something

702
00:41:51.080 --> 00:41:52.360
could already be there.

703
00:41:52.860 --> 00:41:53.260
Yeah.

704
00:41:53.880 --> 00:41:54.280
Right?

705
00:41:54.280 --> 00:41:57.040
And so I want, like, process through that

706
00:41:57.040 --> 00:41:58.240
and let me know what you come up with.

707
00:41:58.280 --> 00:42:00.180
Because I do want you free from that.

708
00:42:00.660 --> 00:42:00.940
Yes.

709
00:42:02.040 --> 00:42:02.360
Yeah.

710
00:42:03.220 --> 00:42:04.180
Sounds good.

711
00:42:04.420 --> 00:42:05.700
Yes, that was great.

712
00:42:06.140 --> 00:42:07.060
That was great.

713
00:42:07.200 --> 00:42:08.000
Thank you so much.

714
00:42:08.400 --> 00:42:08.900
You're welcome.

715
00:42:09.520 --> 00:42:11.920
OK, go for it, Brandi.

716
00:42:15.680 --> 00:42:16.640
Can you hear me?

717
00:42:17.480 --> 00:42:17.820
Yeah.

718
00:42:18.080 --> 00:42:22.200
OK, I just had a question about when a man tells you

719
00:42:22.200 --> 00:42:24.660
to call them, because I was talking

720
00:42:25.760 --> 00:42:28.200
to a gentleman on Saturday.

721
00:42:28.520 --> 00:42:30.160
We talked for an hour, and then the call

722
00:42:30.440 --> 00:42:33.120
closed with him saying, yeah, well, just call me,

723
00:42:33.120 --> 00:42:35.080
and then we can plan to get together.

724
00:42:36.240 --> 00:42:39.640
And I could call, and maybe I will,

725
00:42:39.840 --> 00:42:41.540
but I don't know if I want to.

726
00:42:42.620 --> 00:42:44.880
One thing I didn't particularly like

727
00:42:44.880 --> 00:42:48.680
is that he kind of cursed about the call,

728
00:42:48.720 --> 00:42:50.000
so I wasn't a fan of that.

729
00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:53.300
And I think right at the close of our call,

730
00:42:54.140 --> 00:42:57.160
he called me greedy when I was talking about going to go eat,

731
00:42:57.200 --> 00:42:58.560
and I was just like, what?

732
00:43:00.040 --> 00:43:01.300
Was he making a joke?

733
00:43:01.820 --> 00:43:03.280
Yeah, he was trying to make a joke,

734
00:43:03.360 --> 00:43:06.660
but I don't like it when people make jokes at my expense.

735
00:43:06.740 --> 00:43:10.280
I think it's strange, especially if they don't even know me.

736
00:43:10.680 --> 00:43:12.660
So I didn't really care for it.

737
00:43:12.860 --> 00:43:14.820
But other than that, the call went well,

738
00:43:14.860 --> 00:43:17.380
and it seemed like we had some things in common.

739
00:43:18.080 --> 00:43:20.460
But when he closed, he was just like, yeah, give me a call,

740
00:43:20.460 --> 00:43:22.000
and then we'll go ahead and figure it out.

741
00:43:22.240 --> 00:43:23.840
And I just generally don't.

742
00:43:24.200 --> 00:43:26.860
I felt like in the past when I've talked to other people,

743
00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:28.880
and this is not every other person I've talked to,

744
00:43:29.600 --> 00:43:31.480
like the man is basically preparing

745
00:43:31.480 --> 00:43:35.360
me to call him all the time, and I just don't want to do that.

746
00:43:36.040 --> 00:43:36.060
Yeah.

747
00:43:36.140 --> 00:43:37.340
And I do not.

748
00:43:38.680 --> 00:43:39.020
OK.

749
00:43:39.320 --> 00:43:42.460
I'm slow on the draw, so I don't like him doing that anymore.

750
00:43:42.940 --> 00:43:45.180
But what should I be doing?

751
00:43:45.200 --> 00:43:47.040
Because normally what I'll do is I'll

752
00:43:47.040 --> 00:43:49.200
text him and say, hey, can you give me a call tonight when

753
00:43:49.200 --> 00:43:51.680
they say that sort of thing to me, because I still

754
00:43:51.680 --> 00:43:53.300
don't really want to lead.

755
00:43:54.820 --> 00:43:57.660
But I can't tell if he's just trying to assess and see

756
00:43:57.660 --> 00:44:01.500
if I'm interested, or if he's trying to relocate me

757
00:44:01.500 --> 00:44:03.320
into his role as lead.

758
00:44:04.700 --> 00:44:05.200
Yeah.

759
00:44:06.540 --> 00:44:09.100
Well, OK, I've been thinking about that,

760
00:44:09.340 --> 00:44:11.660
and I think something that can happen,

761
00:44:11.940 --> 00:44:14.640
and you will have to evaluate yourself with this

762
00:44:14.640 --> 00:44:16.080
when you're talking to people.

763
00:44:16.080 --> 00:44:19.340
But when we're talking to men, if we

764
00:44:19.340 --> 00:44:25.400
come with a lot of rigidness, a lot of,

765
00:44:25.460 --> 00:44:26.400
I don't like this, like this.

766
00:44:26.580 --> 00:44:28.660
People can tell when you are rigid.

767
00:44:29.300 --> 00:44:31.440
People can tell when you're particular,

768
00:44:31.980 --> 00:44:34.080
especially men, because they're observatory.

769
00:44:34.680 --> 00:44:36.000
And so they can sense it.

770
00:44:36.020 --> 00:44:37.680
It's the energy that's given out.

771
00:44:37.780 --> 00:44:40.900
And when you're like that, you will

772
00:44:40.900 --> 00:44:42.960
get a man that says, hey, look, I'm

773
00:44:42.960 --> 00:44:44.360
going to put the ball back in her court,

774
00:44:44.360 --> 00:44:46.100
because she likes things a certain way,

775
00:44:46.180 --> 00:44:47.600
and I don't want to mess this up.

776
00:44:48.520 --> 00:44:50.640
And so you think he's shifting the lead.

777
00:44:50.700 --> 00:44:51.980
He's not shifting the lead.

778
00:44:52.460 --> 00:44:54.060
You've proven that you want it a certain way,

779
00:44:54.080 --> 00:44:56.080
and what he doesn't want to do, out of all things,

780
00:44:56.160 --> 00:44:56.960
is mess it up.

781
00:44:57.360 --> 00:44:59.980
So in order to not mess it up, I don't

782
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.140
I'll let you lead the way in this, because you're particular.

783
00:45:04.980 --> 00:45:07.960
Now, talking to you, I can tell that you

784
00:45:08.120 --> 00:45:10.860
seem to operate from a particularness,

785
00:45:10.940 --> 00:45:13.260
even when you post things.

786
00:45:13.520 --> 00:45:16.300
And I think that the particularness

787
00:45:16.300 --> 00:45:20.400
that you're operating from can feel safe to you,

788
00:45:20.400 --> 00:45:22.400
but it's not helpful to you, Brandy.

789
00:45:24.740 --> 00:45:28.480
Because no one is going to want to lead

790
00:45:29.200 --> 00:45:32.480
a person who has told them who to be,

791
00:45:33.140 --> 00:45:35.720
how to be, if they want to please them.

792
00:45:38.260 --> 00:45:41.620
Even if it's in small things, it'll show up,

793
00:45:41.720 --> 00:45:47.420
and they're like, I don't quite know how to fit that.

794
00:45:48.680 --> 00:45:50.340
I want to get to know her.

795
00:45:50.520 --> 00:45:51.720
She seems like a great person.

796
00:45:51.780 --> 00:45:52.960
This is a possibility.

797
00:45:53.460 --> 00:45:55.780
But I don't know how to fit that.

798
00:45:56.960 --> 00:46:07.040
So what I'm saying is, don't give constraints.

799
00:46:07.620 --> 00:46:08.900
Don't do this with people.

800
00:46:09.540 --> 00:46:12.560
Don't box them in, in your words about what you want,

801
00:46:12.760 --> 00:46:14.260
what you like, what you don't like.

802
00:46:15.580 --> 00:46:16.680
How we got to be?

803
00:46:17.160 --> 00:46:18.740
How do I do this?

804
00:46:18.740 --> 00:46:22.340
Because I feel like it's likely that what you're saying

805
00:46:22.360 --> 00:46:24.860
is a problem that I can't quite see.

806
00:46:24.860 --> 00:46:26.840
So how do I see this?

807
00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:28.960
So this is how you do it.

808
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:31.680
When you talk to a person and you're getting to know them,

809
00:46:31.800 --> 00:46:33.040
you let the conversation,

810
00:46:33.180 --> 00:46:34.900
you probably already do this, I don't know.

811
00:46:35.260 --> 00:46:37.640
You let conversations organically develop.

812
00:46:38.220 --> 00:46:41.980
You don't ask them questions about their past,

813
00:46:41.980 --> 00:46:44.440
or you don't ask, I'm not saying you do this.

814
00:46:44.440 --> 00:46:46.040
I'm just telling you a plan to do.

815
00:46:46.080 --> 00:46:47.040
This is what I do.

816
00:46:47.720 --> 00:46:50.100
I don't ask probing questions.

817
00:46:50.100 --> 00:46:54.560
I stay very surface and I let things flow and I pull back.

818
00:46:55.120 --> 00:46:58.020
And I just let them be whoever they want to be

819
00:46:58.020 --> 00:47:00.800
so that I can make an evaluation of who they are.

820
00:47:00.840 --> 00:47:02.860
So I'm going to give you an example.

821
00:47:03.680 --> 00:47:05.780
I'm like getting to know this guy,

822
00:47:06.200 --> 00:47:08.620
and it seems to be based on his track record,

823
00:47:08.620 --> 00:47:10.260
he could say that he's going to do some,

824
00:47:10.300 --> 00:47:11.760
but he doesn't really follow through.

825
00:47:12.140 --> 00:47:14.720
It doesn't bother me that he doesn't follow through

826
00:47:14.820 --> 00:47:17.140
because he's just being who he is.

827
00:47:17.940 --> 00:47:21.020
And so he said that he will call me one day

828
00:47:21.020 --> 00:47:21.980
at a particular time.

829
00:47:21.980 --> 00:47:24.460
He didn't, but he usually reaches out.

830
00:47:24.540 --> 00:47:26.700
So I reached out the next day and I said,

831
00:47:26.700 --> 00:47:28.040
I said, hey, good morning.

832
00:47:28.220 --> 00:47:30.100
I know you worked double last night.

833
00:47:30.800 --> 00:47:32.440
So, because I don't know what your schedule

834
00:47:32.440 --> 00:47:33.540
is going to look like today,

835
00:47:33.540 --> 00:47:36.280
I'm going to give you the opportunity to call me

836
00:47:36.280 --> 00:47:38.040
instead of me reaching out to you

837
00:47:38.760 --> 00:47:40.440
because of your schedule.

838
00:47:40.700 --> 00:47:43.540
He said back to me, I'm so sorry about that.

839
00:47:43.540 --> 00:47:44.460
I apologize.

840
00:47:44.540 --> 00:47:45.800
I got dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.

841
00:47:45.800 --> 00:47:47.860
Are you available between one and three?

842
00:47:48.120 --> 00:47:49.680
I said, hey, those times work for me.

843
00:47:49.720 --> 00:47:52.820
Do you think he still didn't call me between one and three?

844
00:47:53.720 --> 00:47:55.880
But I just didn't take it personal

845
00:47:56.460 --> 00:47:59.520
because I want this man to be who he is.

846
00:47:59.600 --> 00:48:02.060
I don't have a demand on him as a person

847
00:48:02.060 --> 00:48:05.840
because what happens is I determined from his track record

848
00:48:05.960 --> 00:48:08.320
if he serves my life this.

849
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:12.540
And I don't make early assumptions either,

850
00:48:12.780 --> 00:48:14.920
not even in the first two weeks

851
00:48:14.920 --> 00:48:16.500
because it's just not healthy.

852
00:48:17.060 --> 00:48:19.060
Like, I'm not looking for him to be my husband.

853
00:48:21.200 --> 00:48:26.400
He's not in some type of lineup for me to choose from.

854
00:48:26.520 --> 00:48:28.220
I just need him to be who he is.

855
00:48:28.400 --> 00:48:31.040
And whatever it takes for me to let that happen,

856
00:48:31.540 --> 00:48:33.360
I fall back to let it happen.

857
00:48:34.140 --> 00:48:35.080
Does that make sense?

858
00:48:35.800 --> 00:48:36.500
It does.

859
00:48:36.600 --> 00:48:41.100
And I feel like in some ways I'm doing that,

860
00:48:41.100 --> 00:48:42.740
but I'm probably doing the other thing too

861
00:48:42.740 --> 00:48:46.300
because he was asking specific questions.

862
00:48:46.640 --> 00:48:48.040
So that's when I'd be like,

863
00:48:48.080 --> 00:48:51.080
well, I'm actually dating from a place of intention.

864
00:48:51.260 --> 00:48:55.240
I'm not, he thinks about all his dating experiences

865
00:48:55.240 --> 00:48:58.380
and I kind of was trying to bring the conversation back

866
00:48:58.380 --> 00:49:01.320
because some of the stuff he was saying wasn't really,

867
00:49:02.180 --> 00:49:06.080
I don't know, going down that road too hot.

868
00:49:06.100 --> 00:49:07.020
I don't know how else to say it,

869
00:49:07.020 --> 00:49:10.020
but he was telling me about on dating apps,

870
00:49:10.020 --> 00:49:13.700
a lot of the women are trying to do like prostitution

871
00:49:13.700 --> 00:49:14.700
and all that stuff.

872
00:49:14.740 --> 00:49:18.760
And I was just like, I don't really know what to make with.

873
00:49:19.280 --> 00:49:21.480
So that's when I'll bring the conversation back

874
00:49:21.480 --> 00:49:23.800
and maybe that's where I'm coming across rigid.

875
00:49:23.900 --> 00:49:27.320
It's like, I don't wanna talk about some things

876
00:49:27.320 --> 00:49:30.180
if I don't feel like it's really about getting to know,

877
00:49:30.920 --> 00:49:32.940
but maybe about me learning to say that

878
00:49:32.940 --> 00:49:34.720
instead of just moving as much,

879
00:49:35.280 --> 00:49:38.140
moving things around or orchestrating the conversation

880
00:49:38.140 --> 00:49:39.420
into a certain tone.

881
00:49:40.680 --> 00:49:43.000
Oh, I don't think that personally,

882
00:49:43.240 --> 00:49:44.940
I wouldn't wanna hear that either.

883
00:49:45.800 --> 00:49:48.960
And I don't know.

884
00:49:49.640 --> 00:49:52.800
I probably would say, oh, wow, that's an idea.

885
00:49:53.300 --> 00:49:54.840
I don't really wanna talk about that.

886
00:49:55.740 --> 00:49:56.940
That's what I would do.

887
00:49:56.960 --> 00:49:59.700
Like in a very try, in my very gentle, like, hey,

888
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.460
I'm really not interested in that, I would rather get to know you a bit more.

889
00:50:04.460 --> 00:50:08.740
I know you probably had a lot of experience on dating apps, but I just want to get to know you.

890
00:50:09.280 --> 00:50:12.760
Maybe something like that. I can't say the best thing, Brenda, because I think that

891
00:50:13.000 --> 00:50:17.940
that's normal. You don't want to hear about that. And men kind of suck at stuff to talk about

892
00:50:19.320 --> 00:50:22.940
sometimes. Everybody I talk to say me, I would say, I'm an open book. And it's like, okay,

893
00:50:22.940 --> 00:50:26.300
what you want me to do with it? Every man you talk to, I'm an open book, I'm an open book.

894
00:50:26.300 --> 00:50:33.200
But they've learned that, I think, that women say men don't talk enough. So they feel like

895
00:50:33.200 --> 00:50:38.300
if I say to this woman, I'm an open book, she'll lead the conversation. Because he really don't

896
00:50:38.300 --> 00:50:43.340
know how to lead a conversation. That's a real thing that some men don't know how to communicate

897
00:50:43.240 --> 00:50:50.140
well. But I do think that I can't answer your question. I just, I want to give you this tactic

898
00:50:50.140 --> 00:50:58.580
to try or this skill and to watch yourself. Usually what we think about people can come out

899
00:50:58.580 --> 00:51:02.960
in the way we conversate with them. If we don't really like something they do, it could come up

900
00:51:02.960 --> 00:51:10.200
in a woman. She can express without using words. And so we have the ability to do that. And so I

901
00:51:10.200 --> 00:51:17.040
just want you to try laying back and letting the person show up. And then you make a decision after

902
00:51:17.040 --> 00:51:23.780
they've shown up, if that's something you want to go further with. Okay. So should I call him?

903
00:51:24.340 --> 00:51:30.520
Right? No. He put the ball in your court. So if you want to get the ball out of your court and

904
00:51:30.520 --> 00:51:36.600
back in his court, what you can do is say, Hey, I'm reaching out. Do you have time to talk? So

905
00:51:36.600 --> 00:51:42.980
that's a text and say, if you do give me a call, I'm available now up until, you know, whatever

906
00:51:42.980 --> 00:51:49.180
time. And he may shoot you back. I'm like, cool. Let's talk. If he says it, you can press call.

907
00:51:50.100 --> 00:51:56.200
I don't have a problem with that because who calls who doesn't necessarily reveal to me

908
00:51:56.200 --> 00:52:03.440
about leading. I look for reciprocity. Okay. So the name of the game is reciprocity.

909
00:52:04.220 --> 00:52:10.040
It's not, it's I give, you give. I give, you give. And if I find that I'm giving a little bit more than

910
00:52:10.040 --> 00:52:16.800
you are, and then I pull back, but I don't mind showing up as me. And so if me would have called

911
00:52:16.800 --> 00:52:21.360
you two times, like I reached back out to the guy, that's me. I don't have a thought in my mind about

912
00:52:21.360 --> 00:52:29.180
what he's going to think about me. Cause I'm showing him who I am. Nice. So, um, try to think reciprocity.

913
00:52:30.140 --> 00:52:35.840
Okay. Very helpful. Thank you. Okay. Sounds good. Keep us updated.

914
00:52:37.720 --> 00:52:45.020
Okay. All right. Um, Felicia who went on a date, might I add, let's show her some love.

915
00:52:46.420 --> 00:52:49.280
Woohoo. Finally, Jesus.

916
00:52:53.920 --> 00:52:58.060
I believe the Lord had to trick her on a date. Lord have mercy.

917
00:52:59.860 --> 00:53:04.640
Is it that hard for me? Lord said there's nothing too hard for him. Oh my goodness.

918
00:53:05.900 --> 00:53:13.680
It was, it was a great conversation. Just so mature. Goodness. It's such a shift.

919
00:53:13.680 --> 00:53:20.920
Such a great shift from the other discovery that I've been having. Yeah. I had to step aside too.

920
00:53:21.040 --> 00:53:25.340
I had to get out of the way. You know, like I shared that the Lord wanted me to get out of the

921
00:53:25.340 --> 00:53:29.060
way because I was like, I don't know what I was doing in the way, but I was in the way.

922
00:53:29.380 --> 00:53:34.680
And when he said, get out of the way, I just went and rest for four hours at the botanical gardens

923
00:53:35.020 --> 00:53:40.080
on Sunday. And I just laid with the Lord. I'm like, okay, Lord, here am I, I'm just resting with you.

924
00:53:40.080 --> 00:53:45.560
He said I should do. And then he led me into this conversation because I didn't want to answer. I was

925
00:53:45.760 --> 00:53:52.740
like, I'm not going to go on the app. I'm not, but I keep led into just say, hi, just say one more

926
00:53:52.740 --> 00:53:58.340
hi to this one person. And I did say hi and I, you know, I didn't want to do it, but I, you know,

927
00:53:58.340 --> 00:54:05.800
I did it. And such a maturity, so mature gentleman. And the thing that he drive three hours,

928
00:54:05.800 --> 00:54:11.380
he lived three hours away and he came up to see his sons that he loved the early. And I'm so

929
00:54:11.380 --> 00:54:17.340
attracted to a man who invest in their children. I just love that. He's just such a great dad.

930
00:54:18.120 --> 00:54:21.880
And just listening to him. Like you were saying, I learned so much from you tonight that,

931
00:54:22.800 --> 00:54:26.160
you know, listen to them, listen to, you know, I don't ask questions.

932
00:54:28.140 --> 00:54:33.820
We just have conversation, you know, and it's anyone either, you know, I see interest in the

933
00:54:33.820 --> 00:54:38.800
I just, I just, I just rest into that. And it's something I learned to do because I can

934
00:54:38.800 --> 00:54:44.940
be a leader to like you, just run them over. But I learned how to just rest and just listen and let

935
00:54:44.940 --> 00:54:50.680
conversation flow. And that's what's been going on. But I hear so much of his character by him

936
00:54:50.680 --> 00:54:58.360
just speaking to me. I even hear great faith in him by him speaking to me. So it's such a good

937
00:54:58.360 --> 00:54:59.700
thing to just rest and listen.

938
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.060
and instead of act like it's a business deal, you know, this question, that question. So I've been

939
00:55:06.060 --> 00:55:10.800
trained, thank God for this group and many other mentor courses that I've been into that teaches

940
00:55:10.800 --> 00:55:18.600
me how to just rest and it's, you know, we'll see where it goes and it's just really, it sounds

941
00:55:18.600 --> 00:55:23.140
healthy, I don't know where it's gonna go but I just like the shift that happened because of all

942
00:55:23.140 --> 00:55:29.100
what I was getting. The Lord just showed, I believe the Lord just showed up and said, as you obey me,

943
00:55:29.100 --> 00:55:33.500
here I'm giving you something. I don't know where it's gonna go but he just showed up and said,

944
00:55:33.960 --> 00:55:39.720
there's hope. Here is what I have for you daughter. So that's what I'm gonna say about it

945
00:55:39.720 --> 00:55:45.140
but it's good. I don't know if you have any question for me. No, no, I'm just so happy for

946
00:55:45.140 --> 00:55:50.480
you. It's something about when you go on that date, you feel so dainty. Yeah and like it was

947
00:55:50.540 --> 00:55:54.620
like Sunday, he talks to me on Sunday and I knew when I was working out, I kind of fell in my

948
00:55:54.760 --> 00:56:00.360
that he's gonna ask me, that when he come up, he drive three hours up to see the boys and then

949
00:56:00.440 --> 00:56:05.820
three, 30 minutes to me and he said, he's gonna ask me if he could see me. I think he's gonna do

950
00:56:05.820 --> 00:56:10.920
that and as soon as I go to the gym and we talk, he said, I'm gonna ask you something but you're

951
00:56:10.920 --> 00:56:17.100
okay to say no. That's fine if it's a no and I said, okay and I knew it was gonna ask me,

952
00:56:17.220 --> 00:56:23.200
can I see you after the boys? I'm like, oh my god. I literally, I kind of zone out like when

953
00:56:23.920 --> 00:56:30.160
hello, are you there? My friend and I was laughing like, oh my god girl, you get chicken out. I said,

954
00:56:30.220 --> 00:56:36.080
yes, I didn't know how to answer and then I said yes and it was a nice conversation. Beautiful,

955
00:56:36.340 --> 00:56:43.800
healthy. Yeah, it was. That's awesome. Yeah, so let's see what happens. Yeah, yay. Thank you.

956
00:56:44.140 --> 00:56:50.160
Thank you for the push. Yeah, yeah, yay. That's so great. Okay, Helen.

957
00:56:52.660 --> 00:57:01.520
Hi. Hey. Sorry, I'm stepping over my new dog. Yeah, okay.

958
00:57:02.840 --> 00:57:08.140
So, I don't want to be, I refuse to be negative so I won't say bad news. I'll say

959
00:57:08.300 --> 00:57:15.660
news. No dates yet but like you said, Supernatural was awesome and it was so good

960
00:57:17.620 --> 00:57:24.280
but pray for me, pray for me and then in other news, it's kind of like a confession. So, I read

961
00:57:24.540 --> 00:57:31.440
an article. It's been a year or two since I read it. I wish I could find where it was but it said

962
00:57:31.440 --> 00:57:37.780
one of the places they recommend to meet single guys is grocery store, grocery stores especially

963
00:57:37.780 --> 00:57:44.020
in the evening. I need to find that step and I was telling a friend of mine and she's like,

964
00:57:44.020 --> 00:57:49.520
know what? I think you're right but apparently, there's a study about where to like bump into

965
00:57:49.520 --> 00:57:54.680
guys and it's grocery stores especially in the evening because they don't cook. A lot of guys

966
00:57:54.680 --> 00:57:59.720
don't cook. Okay. And maybe they're not going to order out that day. Anyway, so the other day,

967
00:57:59.720 --> 00:58:06.080
I was at the grocery store and I'm walking down the aisle and this guy goes, where's the rice?

968
00:58:06.840 --> 00:58:11.060
And here's the confession part. Instead of looking at this as an opportunity, maybe,

969
00:58:11.060 --> 00:58:14.420
maybe not, who knows? I went, I actually don't work here.

970
00:58:16.400 --> 00:58:25.380
It's the truth though. I actually don't work here but it's that way and then he said,

971
00:58:25.620 --> 00:58:29.600
I don't know how he knew but he said, I know you don't but I'm asking you and he was really nice

972
00:58:29.600 --> 00:58:36.100
about it. Like, he really and then I felt convicted in that moment. So, I went, I, where I pointed

973
00:58:36.820 --> 00:58:42.740
down that aisle, he was going the wrong way and I was like, hey, it's that other aisle and

974
00:58:43.760 --> 00:58:50.540
if I see him again, I think he was from the gym next door. If I see him again, I am going to go

975
00:58:50.540 --> 00:58:56.760
up to him and apologize and be like, I was a jerk and I really apologize because he was so nice.

976
00:58:56.760 --> 00:59:08.520
He was so nice. But anyway, so next time I'll be more on my, just be kind and I think I'm a

977
00:59:08.520 --> 00:59:15.280
generally very kind guy to men, intentionally kind to men, like pouring into them, being

978
00:59:15.280 --> 00:59:21.980
conscious of how I speak, my tone, my, like elevating. I'm huge about, I think people who

979
00:59:21.980 --> 00:59:29.180
know me know this, I'm huge about elevating the men around me and the men in our lives and so,

980
00:59:29.540 --> 00:59:34.140
and I've been pumped by this community about doing that but I think I'm generally intentional

981
00:59:34.140 --> 00:59:37.260
about that. But that, maybe that caught me off guard. I don't know, maybe I was having a bad day,

982
00:59:37.260 --> 00:59:44.940
I don't know. But anyway, so I just wanted to share that. I think that was fun. Thank you for

983
00:59:44.940 --> 00:59:48.360
sharing because I'm going to the grocery store. I mean, I can't go through the week because I'd

984
00:59:48.360 --> 00:59:52.200
have to teach it, but I'm definitely going to go and go straight to the hungry man meal,

985
00:59:52.300 --> 00:59:58.340
you know, the microwave meals. I'm just going to go around that aisle, so see.

986
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.620
Talking to one of the girls in the community,

987
01:00:02.080 --> 01:00:03.700
we talked on the phone, and she was like,

988
01:00:03.700 --> 01:00:06.920
just go and bump your car into somebody, you know,

989
01:00:06.920 --> 01:00:08.400
or stuff like that.

990
01:00:09.140 --> 01:00:11.340
But yeah, anyway, so I think that maybe

991
01:00:11.340 --> 01:00:14.500
was God nudging me to be like, come on,

992
01:00:14.620 --> 01:00:16.320
I'm bringing him to you, and you're,

993
01:00:16.540 --> 01:00:18.420
I don't know if he was the one, but I'm just saying,

994
01:00:18.780 --> 01:00:20.180
like, that could have been an opportunity.

995
01:00:20.300 --> 01:00:21.720
If it wasn't him, somebody he knows.

996
01:00:22.380 --> 01:00:24.160
I know, I know, that's so fun.

997
01:00:24.220 --> 01:00:26.640
I seen someone, someone just posted, too,

998
01:00:26.720 --> 01:00:28.000
Home Depot or Lowe's.

999
01:00:29.360 --> 01:00:32.000
Yeah, I'm going, I'm gonna go.

1000
01:00:32.100 --> 01:00:34.720
I don't know about the home improvement stores,

1001
01:00:34.880 --> 01:00:36.980
I feel like the guys who go, well, contractors,

1002
01:00:37.180 --> 01:00:38.780
I guess that's true, I guess contractors.

1003
01:00:39.620 --> 01:00:41.440
I heard this lady give a testimony

1004
01:00:41.440 --> 01:00:43.620
on one of the intercessory prayer teams

1005
01:00:43.620 --> 01:00:45.840
that I'm a part of, and she said she heard

1006
01:00:45.840 --> 01:00:48.740
that single men hang out at Lowe's and Home Depot,

1007
01:00:49.000 --> 01:00:52.020
so she went, and sure enough, she met the man

1008
01:00:52.020 --> 01:00:53.380
who she's now getting ready to marry.

1009
01:00:55.040 --> 01:00:56.780
At Home Depot, I think she was at Home Depot,

1010
01:00:56.780 --> 01:01:00.700
she met this guy, yeah, yeah, so cool.

1011
01:01:01.420 --> 01:01:02.860
All right, thank you for sharing.

1012
01:01:03.820 --> 01:01:06.520
All right, if, I can't tell,

1013
01:01:06.880 --> 01:01:08.780
cause when hands stay up, I just don't know,

1014
01:01:08.960 --> 01:01:09.880
so I'm going, Laurie?

1015
01:01:13.500 --> 01:01:14.540
Hi, Ebony.

1016
01:01:15.320 --> 01:01:15.920
Hey.

1017
01:01:16.820 --> 01:01:20.320
Okay, so, oh my word, what a whirlwind of events.

1018
01:01:20.480 --> 01:01:23.800
So, same guy as last week.

1019
01:01:25.240 --> 01:01:29.900
His name is Jay, and this is the hospital administrator

1020
01:01:29.900 --> 01:01:32.800
that you asked, where do I find guys like this?

1021
01:01:32.880 --> 01:01:35.460
Well, you need to hear the rest of the story.

1022
01:01:36.320 --> 01:01:36.320


1023
01:01:36.500 --> 01:01:39.600
So anyway, like he, you know, we were talking,

1024
01:01:39.820 --> 01:01:42.660
we talked, had like maybe four or five Zooms,

1025
01:01:42.780 --> 01:01:46.060
and it's been a couple weeks, and he was like,

1026
01:01:46.180 --> 01:01:47.920
hey, I wanna come out and meet you,

1027
01:01:48.720 --> 01:01:52.300
and he was talking about coming by, you know,

1028
01:01:52.300 --> 01:01:56.740
mid-month, and, you know, where, you know,

1029
01:01:56.740 --> 01:02:00.520
help me out with an Airbnb that would be, you know,

1030
01:02:00.520 --> 01:02:05.300
decent proximity from you, and, you know,

1031
01:02:05.300 --> 01:02:07.180
talking about coming Thursday through,

1032
01:02:07.760 --> 01:02:09.260
a Thursday through a Monday,

1033
01:02:11.280 --> 01:02:16.280
and I think that right there felt like a lot to me,

1034
01:02:17.420 --> 01:02:19.340
but I get it, he's coming, you know,

1035
01:02:19.340 --> 01:02:21.540
it's a lot of like compact days together,

1036
01:02:21.540 --> 01:02:24.840
so anyway, like he made this comment,

1037
01:02:24.880 --> 01:02:28.200
and I mean, super high attraction level between us,

1038
01:02:28.200 --> 01:02:31.820
and so, and he's very expressive,

1039
01:02:31.820 --> 01:02:33.140
but it wasn't inappropriate.

1040
01:02:33.400 --> 01:02:35.840
I mean, it was just fun, and it was playful,

1041
01:02:36.560 --> 01:02:40.100
and all the conversations were, felt really appropriate,

1042
01:02:40.140 --> 01:02:42.600
and just really lighthearted, and laughed a lot,

1043
01:02:42.620 --> 01:02:44.400
and I honestly felt like,

1044
01:02:44.700 --> 01:02:46.780
I felt so comfortable to be myself,

1045
01:02:46.960 --> 01:02:50.980
like I felt like I could be goofy,

1046
01:02:51.660 --> 01:02:54.980
and, you know, just laughing, laughing so hard,

1047
01:02:55.100 --> 01:02:59.100
and I felt, I felt like at ease to like,

1048
01:02:59.200 --> 01:03:02.260
just kind of like playful banter back and forth,

1049
01:03:03.380 --> 01:03:06.640
and I felt free to say no to things,

1050
01:03:06.800 --> 01:03:10.740
and free to just like, yeah, just to be my,

1051
01:03:10.860 --> 01:03:14.000
to disagree, I should say, like in a nice way,

1052
01:03:14.680 --> 01:03:18.980
but just to be honest, and not be people pleasing,

1053
01:03:18.980 --> 01:03:22.440
so anyway, like, so he messaged,

1054
01:03:23.520 --> 01:03:26.440
he's like, he's like, well, he says,

1055
01:03:27.500 --> 01:03:29.840
he said something about how he could see,

1056
01:03:30.480 --> 01:03:31.800
you know, super attracted to you,

1057
01:03:31.820 --> 01:03:35.980
I could, something about lip action when we meet,

1058
01:03:39.200 --> 01:03:42.580
and, and I just, I brought that up,

1059
01:03:42.900 --> 01:03:45.440
because it was really important to me that,

1060
01:03:45.620 --> 01:03:48.440
you know, if he was coming, coming a distance,

1061
01:03:48.440 --> 01:03:52.100
that was, that was not, not on my,

1062
01:03:53.260 --> 01:03:54.580
not something I was interested in,

1063
01:03:55.120 --> 01:03:57.600
and I feel like I've had heart healing,

1064
01:03:57.860 --> 01:03:59.880
and it's something to like guarding my heart,

1065
01:03:59.980 --> 01:04:03.720
and I know that like going in with even a kiss,

1066
01:04:03.740 --> 01:04:05.640
not even like making out, it's like,

1067
01:04:05.640 --> 01:04:10.280
it changes the whole, and so that much time together.

1068
01:04:11.000 --> 01:04:15.200
So I asked him, I said, I just, I said,

1069
01:04:15.200 --> 01:04:16.860
I, you know, got your comment,

1070
01:04:16.860 --> 01:04:18.220
and I know we're being playful,

1071
01:04:18.220 --> 01:04:20.240
but it was the first thing that was physical

1072
01:04:20.240 --> 01:04:22.700
that he mentioned, and so I just said,

1073
01:04:22.760 --> 01:04:24.900
I just need to clarify that like,

1074
01:04:24.900 --> 01:04:26.620
I need to build a foundation,

1075
01:04:26.680 --> 01:04:28.860
and like I need to develop a friendship

1076
01:04:28.900 --> 01:04:32.220
before I feel comfortable being in that physical space,

1077
01:04:32.340 --> 01:04:35.920
and I know that for me, like once that happens,

1078
01:04:36.260 --> 01:04:38.280
like the whole relationship changes,

1079
01:04:39.200 --> 01:04:42.380
and, and it clouds my thinking, and judgment,

1080
01:04:44.120 --> 01:04:46.100
and, you know, it's just really important

1081
01:04:46.100 --> 01:04:47.400
for me to steward this well,

1082
01:04:47.400 --> 01:04:51.140
and he said, you know, I'm so attracted,

1083
01:04:51.260 --> 01:04:52.720
I don't know how I could not,

1084
01:04:54.220 --> 01:04:56.820
and it just, it felt like I was really restless,

1085
01:04:57.280 --> 01:04:59.360
so I'm like, gosh, what am I so restless about?

1086
01:04:59.460 --> 01:04:59.620
Like.

1087
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.280
without running. And I'm like, just like, just feeling really

1088
01:05:03.280 --> 01:05:07.160
anxious. And so finally realized in the Holy Spirit's like, ask

1089
01:05:07.160 --> 01:05:12.200
him about, about that comment. And so that's when I leaned in.

1090
01:05:12.220 --> 01:05:17.200
And I actually had a conversation around it. And he

1091
01:05:17.200 --> 01:05:21.800
just didn't, he didn't know if he could do that. And, and so I

1092
01:05:21.800 --> 01:05:29.240
said, Wow, that's really, I felt like it felt like he challenged

1093
01:05:29.240 --> 01:05:36.480
my challenged my boundary. Like he didn't come back and say, I

1094
01:05:36.480 --> 01:05:40.620
want that too. And that's important to me to Stuart as

1095
01:05:40.620 --> 01:05:45.900
well. And he came back and was just like, he didn't know if he

1096
01:05:45.900 --> 01:05:52.920
could do that or not. Like he'd be so and so it's like, is it

1097
01:05:53.170 --> 01:05:59.670
perfection? Or is it, you know, lust? So then it was. So then I

1098
01:05:59.670 --> 01:06:02.970
just didn't feel safe. It just there was something about it

1099
01:06:02.970 --> 01:06:07.810
that just made me feel, you know, remind me of some times

1100
01:06:08.330 --> 01:06:14.650
past where I chose into some wild experiences. And so it's

1101
01:06:14.650 --> 01:06:23.150
been bringing it's brought that up. And I think, you know, the

1102
01:06:23.150 --> 01:06:26.690
And so I just asked him that question. But what was really

1103
01:06:26.690 --> 01:06:29.970
interesting was, you know, I saw Jackie's post today on the

1104
01:06:30.050 --> 01:06:32.650
avoidant. And I asked him the question, it could have been a

1105
01:06:32.650 --> 01:06:35.770
really straight answer. But instead, he went into and, and I

1106
01:06:35.770 --> 01:06:39.270
let him talk because I was learning. And in some ways, I

1107
01:06:39.270 --> 01:06:45.810
just wanted to. Because I asked him, you know, do you do you

1108
01:06:45.810 --> 01:06:50.670
have guardrails in this area? And I said, when I initiated the

1109
01:06:50.670 --> 01:06:53.330
conversation, I'm like, it's super early to be talking about

1110
01:06:53.330 --> 01:06:56.890
this. But because you are, we are looking at like cross

1111
01:06:56.890 --> 01:07:02.430
country travel, and you being basically in my camp for, you

1112
01:07:02.430 --> 01:07:04.890
know, this amount of time, not that I would owe him more than a

1113
01:07:04.890 --> 01:07:11.790
Hello, if it didn't work out. I, I need to be protective of

1114
01:07:12.370 --> 01:07:15.790
myself. And that was really important, because he brought

1115
01:07:15.790 --> 01:07:20.650
that up. And so he went on, like talking about other

1116
01:07:20.770 --> 01:07:21.490
Oh, no.

1117
01:07:21.930 --> 01:07:25.390
And he literally between that and the other question that I

1118
01:07:25.290 --> 01:07:28.290
answered, answered, asked to talk.

1119
01:07:31.130 --> 01:07:35.730
Lori, I, in an effort to mute someone else, can you unmute

1120
01:07:35.730 --> 01:07:37.030
yourself for me? Sorry.

1121
01:07:38.810 --> 01:07:44.090
Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I let him talk. And he ended up talking

1122
01:07:44.090 --> 01:07:47.330
for between this and one other question that I really felt

1123
01:07:47.990 --> 01:07:54.650
like I needed clarity on before we got together. He ended up

1124
01:07:54.650 --> 01:08:00.630
talking about like his life and experiences in this area for a

1125
01:08:00.630 --> 01:08:03.050
couple hours. And the other question was, as I noticed, like

1126
01:08:03.050 --> 01:08:06.630
in our conversation, like we, and he didn't actually come out

1127
01:08:06.670 --> 01:08:10.070
and answer the question is, at the end, he was like, I want,

1128
01:08:10.350 --> 01:08:12.810
you know, I want to have guardrails. And I want to do

1129
01:08:12.810 --> 01:08:15.550
this well. And I know what's right. And I want to choose

1130
01:08:15.450 --> 01:08:21.370
right. And yeah, that's my that's my heart's desire. But it

1131
01:08:21.370 --> 01:08:24.990
was just so like, didn't feel like there was a conviction

1132
01:08:25.710 --> 01:08:29.590
there. And so the other question was, as I noticed, in the first

1133
01:08:29.590 --> 01:08:36.210
couple chats, he was in a car. And, and so then the next time I

1134
01:08:36.979 --> 01:08:43.220
I, you know, and he, he's, he's living with his mom. And he's

1135
01:08:43.220 --> 01:08:46.020
actually caretaking. And apparently other family members

1136
01:08:46.020 --> 01:08:49.460
have, like, done extended care, like for like, five years, and

1137
01:08:49.460 --> 01:08:55.680
he said, it's his turn. His brothers have done their five to

1138
01:08:55.680 --> 01:08:59.540
seven year turns. And he's been up in Yonville, which is like

1139
01:08:59.729 --> 01:09:04.010
northern California. And yeah, so at any rate,

1140
01:09:06.689 --> 01:09:07.930
so what did y'all decide?

1141
01:09:09.850 --> 01:09:14.450
Well, after we had that conversation, he messaged back,

1142
01:09:15.630 --> 01:09:18.770
like, within a half an hour. And he said, I left our

1143
01:09:18.770 --> 01:09:21.569
conversation tonight feeling like I'm not or not the right

1144
01:09:21.569 --> 01:09:25.890
fit for you. Nothing personal. I just think we have different

1145
01:09:25.890 --> 01:09:30.189
wants and needs in life. I also just shared at a high level a

1146
01:09:30.189 --> 01:09:32.330
few dreams because it's kind of like also the question of what

1147
01:09:32.330 --> 01:09:37.569
do you want in life came up? I'm just in a general piece is

1148
01:09:37.569 --> 01:09:39.970
important to me, God's given me enough to be comfortable. And

1149
01:09:40.050 --> 01:09:42.630
that's sufficient for me. It's okay to have big dreams. I'm

1150
01:09:42.630 --> 01:09:45.710
sure you'll meet the right guy. And then he just said, bye with

1151
01:09:45.710 --> 01:09:49.850
a kiss emoji. So then I spent like a day and a half or two

1152
01:09:49.850 --> 01:09:54.990
days just like processing this, what felt like such a rash

1153
01:09:54.990 --> 01:09:58.370
thing. And he's like, I'll definitely miss you.

1154
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:08.840
I followed up with a message after I processed it for a couple days and we're chatting again,

1155
01:10:08.920 --> 01:10:14.620
but I'm just feeling like, so I found out also that his mom gave him his inheritance

1156
01:10:14.680 --> 01:10:15.340
early.

1157
01:10:16.440 --> 01:10:25.240
It sounds like his divorce from 2020, that he had a lot of debt and so, because my question

1158
01:10:25.240 --> 01:10:29.840
was is, you know, I, is there any, is there anything more to the story?

1159
01:10:29.900 --> 01:10:33.280
I'm not looking for like detailed information, but high level information.

1160
01:10:33.280 --> 01:10:37.240
Is there anything more to the story about your living with your mom?

1161
01:10:38.060 --> 01:10:44.360
Because I just didn't want to, you know, if there was like something, so I think he had

1162
01:10:44.440 --> 01:10:50.840
financial, quite a bit of financial stuff, but it sounds like he's cleared up, but yeah,

1163
01:10:50.840 --> 01:10:53.020
it just feels too complicated.

1164
01:10:53.660 --> 01:10:54.180
Yeah.

1165
01:10:54.180 --> 01:10:54.500
Yeah.

1166
01:10:54.500 --> 01:10:57.300
He's not, he's not best fit for you.

1167
01:10:57.660 --> 01:10:58.220
Yeah.

1168
01:10:58.240 --> 01:10:59.680
I don't think so.

1169
01:10:59.760 --> 01:11:00.140
Right.

1170
01:11:00.280 --> 01:11:04.100
I'm so glad y'all ever had those conversations before he came.

1171
01:11:04.680 --> 01:11:05.220
Yeah.

1172
01:11:05.220 --> 01:11:08.140
It was like the Holy Spirit was like, ask him these things.

1173
01:11:08.340 --> 01:11:13.260
And for me, it's been like, I've had heart healing, so guarding my heart is super important.

1174
01:11:14.100 --> 01:11:18.100
And for me to just come out and say, no, actually that doesn't work.

1175
01:11:18.940 --> 01:11:21.140
That won't work for me.

1176
01:11:21.140 --> 01:11:27.780
That's, you know, God's built a strong conviction in my heart in this whole area.

1177
01:11:28.760 --> 01:11:32.260
And I don't want to be with somebody who's half hearted.

1178
01:11:32.940 --> 01:11:33.360
Right.

1179
01:11:33.440 --> 01:11:35.380
Do I think it'll be a struggle?

1180
01:11:36.160 --> 01:11:36.720
Yeah.

1181
01:11:36.720 --> 01:11:40.640
I think it's going to, I think it's going to be challenging to walk in purity until marriage.

1182
01:11:41.500 --> 01:11:49.000
It's not something in the relationships I've done since my divorce and, but I have a deep

1183
01:11:49.000 --> 01:11:57.080
conviction in me that the Lord's built into me and, um, that's taken time to build.

1184
01:11:57.720 --> 01:12:03.160
And, and so it's like, wisdom is just like, yeah.

1185
01:12:03.800 --> 01:12:07.940
Um, and it's going to be even more challenging if you partner with someone who does not have

1186
01:12:07.940 --> 01:12:11.100
the same views and same conviction.

1187
01:12:11.460 --> 01:12:11.980
Yeah.

1188
01:12:12.380 --> 01:12:12.900
Okay.

1189
01:12:13.720 --> 01:12:15.720
Well, thank you for sharing that, Laurie.

1190
01:12:15.720 --> 01:12:17.200
I think you made a good decision.

1191
01:12:17.200 --> 01:12:20.420
I think you have a lot to be pleased with about yourself.

1192
01:12:21.380 --> 01:12:22.120
Thank you.

1193
01:12:22.520 --> 01:12:24.200
That's what dating for discovery does.

1194
01:12:24.420 --> 01:12:26.500
It shows you what you've grown.

1195
01:12:26.820 --> 01:12:27.080
Yeah.

1196
01:12:27.340 --> 01:12:28.440
It's wonderful.

1197
01:12:28.740 --> 01:12:29.760
It really is.

1198
01:12:30.020 --> 01:12:31.460
I'm happy for you.

1199
01:12:31.620 --> 01:12:33.520
I think you handled it very well.

1200
01:12:34.180 --> 01:12:36.060
Do you think this is avoidant?

1201
01:12:37.860 --> 01:12:39.280
Talking about what you're doing?

1202
01:12:39.720 --> 01:12:39.880
No.

1203
01:12:40.020 --> 01:12:44.780
Do you think that his, his, uh, Jackie posted something about avoidant.

1204
01:12:44.820 --> 01:12:46.340
Do you think this is avoidant?

1205
01:12:47.100 --> 01:12:51.160
I'm just looking to see, okay, what do I need healed on?

1206
01:12:51.300 --> 01:12:55.640
And I felt the Lord say, Laurie, I'm proud of who you're becoming today, which was like,

1207
01:12:55.860 --> 01:12:57.140
oh, okay, great.

1208
01:12:57.140 --> 01:12:59.520
Cause I felt like such a hot mess.

1209
01:12:59.580 --> 01:13:01.740
I was even shaking earlier today.

1210
01:13:04.300 --> 01:13:08.860
No, Laurie, I think that sometimes we can over-evaluate something and believe it's something

1211
01:13:08.860 --> 01:13:09.640
about hard work.

1212
01:13:09.660 --> 01:13:11.840
We always want to go back to hard work, hard work, hard work.

1213
01:13:12.060 --> 01:13:14.460
You are working out the hard work.

1214
01:13:14.960 --> 01:13:15.460
Yeah.

1215
01:13:15.460 --> 01:13:16.560
You set boundaries.

1216
01:13:17.000 --> 01:13:18.680
You set, and it's not about him being avoided.

1217
01:13:19.120 --> 01:13:24.220
Really Laurie, I want to encourage you not to take time to try to analyze this man.

1218
01:13:24.900 --> 01:13:25.480
Yep.

1219
01:13:25.480 --> 01:13:26.320
I need that.

1220
01:13:26.480 --> 01:13:28.320
That's probably what I need to take away.

1221
01:13:28.420 --> 01:13:28.720
Yeah.

1222
01:13:28.760 --> 01:13:29.700
Could you stop that?

1223
01:13:29.900 --> 01:13:31.100
Stop analyzing him.

1224
01:13:31.420 --> 01:13:32.720
Stop analyzing any man.

1225
01:13:33.080 --> 01:13:36.560
You make a decision for Laurie and walk away.

1226
01:13:37.140 --> 01:13:37.740
Yeah.

1227
01:13:37.900 --> 01:13:43.160
When you get caught, when you start trying to analyze that man or every little thing

1228
01:13:43.160 --> 01:13:49.320
besides what matters most and it's you, I mean, some things are, are, are granted that,

1229
01:13:50.520 --> 01:13:55.440
but clearly this man was against your foundation, what you want in life.

1230
01:13:55.480 --> 01:13:57.400
So that just wasn't going to work.

1231
01:13:57.840 --> 01:14:03.000
You guys didn't align in the core areas and that's all right there.

1232
01:14:03.180 --> 01:14:06.220
There's nothing else to be discussed after that.

1233
01:14:06.220 --> 01:14:06.840
Okay.

1234
01:14:07.000 --> 01:14:11.540
And so it doesn't matter if he was avoiding, anxious, disorganized.

1235
01:14:11.540 --> 01:14:13.840
He wasn't for you.

1236
01:14:14.360 --> 01:14:14.920
Okay.

1237
01:14:15.680 --> 01:14:16.120
Yeah.

1238
01:14:16.520 --> 01:14:16.540
Okay.

1239
01:14:17.380 --> 01:14:17.740
Okay.

1240
01:14:17.740 --> 01:14:17.880
Yep.

1241
01:14:17.880 --> 01:14:19.880
I'm spending way too much energy on it.

1242
01:14:19.880 --> 01:14:20.240
Yeah.

1243
01:14:20.240 --> 01:14:20.720
Yeah.

1244
01:14:20.720 --> 01:14:22.740
It's time to let there be water under the bridge.

1245
01:14:22.940 --> 01:14:23.500
Yep.

1246
01:14:23.500 --> 01:14:23.960
That's right.

1247
01:14:23.980 --> 01:14:25.580
Be proud of yourself for sticking to your band.

1248
01:14:25.640 --> 01:14:26.580
You did a good job.

1249
01:14:27.160 --> 01:14:27.720
Thank you.

1250
01:14:28.080 --> 01:14:28.640
You're welcome.

1251
01:14:28.940 --> 01:14:29.280
Come on.

1252
01:14:30.280 --> 01:14:30.840
Yeah.

1253
01:14:30.840 --> 01:14:31.220
Okay.

1254
01:14:31.420 --> 01:14:31.880
Anyway.

1255
01:14:32.460 --> 01:14:32.960
Good.

1256
01:14:33.480 --> 01:14:33.920
Okay.

1257
01:14:34.100 --> 01:14:34.600
All right.

1258
01:14:34.640 --> 01:14:35.080
Come on.

1259
01:14:35.080 --> 01:14:36.060
Stephanie Davis.

1260
01:14:40.040 --> 01:14:40.600
Okay.

1261
01:14:40.600 --> 01:14:42.040
I've been my nightguard.

1262
01:14:42.400 --> 01:14:42.960
I'm so tired.

1263
01:14:43.160 --> 01:14:44.380
I can't someone care.

1264
01:14:44.600 --> 01:14:45.220
I'm so sorry.

1265
01:14:45.920 --> 01:14:48.300
But I wanna say this.

1266
01:14:48.700 --> 01:14:52.400
Yes, I think my Ephesians 25 has found me.

1267
01:14:52.460 --> 01:14:54.080
My Isaiah 62.

1268
01:14:54.240 --> 01:14:59.360
I'm no longer forsaken and I'm now going to be a Bueller.

1269
01:15:02.000 --> 01:15:05.760
Do you know what Ephesians 5.25 says?

1270
01:15:07.980 --> 01:15:08.680
What does it say?

1271
01:15:09.260 --> 01:15:15.300
It says that he will love me as the Christ loves the church.

1272
01:15:16.040 --> 01:15:16.980
That's what it says.

1273
01:15:17.100 --> 01:15:18.980
So I think I found him.

1274
01:15:19.660 --> 01:15:20.920
Okay, that was just a test.

1275
01:15:21.460 --> 01:15:24.080
I've been sent to Mark 11.24.

1276
01:15:24.080 --> 01:15:32.360
And so today, it was so hard for me to do this because today the Lord spoke to me about marriage.

1277
01:15:33.020 --> 01:15:34.740
And this is what he told me.

1278
01:15:34.760 --> 01:15:38.480
He said, go and testify you have found him.

1279
01:15:38.520 --> 01:15:40.940
And I'm like, it's going to feel so stupid.

1280
01:15:41.260 --> 01:15:42.940
It's going to feel weird.

1281
01:15:43.160 --> 01:15:44.540
But he said, do it.

1282
01:15:44.540 --> 01:15:51.340
Because he said, when you pray, if you believe, you'll receive what you have.

1283
01:15:51.340 --> 01:15:55.700
I didn't get an excited test, but I thought everybody would be excited for me.

1284
01:15:55.880 --> 01:15:56.340
But guess what?

1285
01:15:56.360 --> 01:15:58.280
I am excited because guess what?

1286
01:15:58.960 --> 01:16:00.580
He is on the way.

1287
01:16:00.640 --> 01:16:02.160
And that's all I wanted to say.

1288
01:16:02.440 --> 01:16:03.320
Have a good night, everybody.

1289
01:16:03.460 --> 01:16:04.080
I'm going to my bed.

1290
01:16:04.200 --> 01:16:05.420
I work early in the morning.

1291
01:16:05.420 --> 01:16:05.420


1292
01:16:05.900 --> 01:16:08.140
Just to add, we are excited for you.

1293
01:16:08.300 --> 01:16:10.080
It's the way you unveiled it to us.

1294
01:16:10.240 --> 01:16:10.880
So we're like, huh?

1295
01:16:10.900 --> 01:16:13.760
And then after you did it, you recanted all of it.

1296
01:16:14.240 --> 01:16:16.400
No, I didn't recant it.

1297
01:16:16.400 --> 01:16:20.980
But it's just something that God has been dealing with me.

1298
01:16:21.100 --> 01:16:24.100
Because I was like, this is very hard.

1299
01:16:24.460 --> 01:16:27.200
As everybody can know, I had a bad marriage before.

1300
01:16:27.660 --> 01:16:33.380
So this is really, and I was like, okay, guys, I've been really praying to Mark 11, 23 and 24.

1301
01:16:34.080 --> 01:16:37.440
And this is, so today I was like, God, I don't really want to do it.

1302
01:16:37.440 --> 01:16:38.780
It's going to feel really awkward.

1303
01:16:39.120 --> 01:16:40.520
It's going to feel really weird.

1304
01:16:40.700 --> 01:16:43.720
But he was like, you need to testify because this is working.

1305
01:16:43.820 --> 01:16:45.220
You were saying it.

1306
01:16:45.220 --> 01:16:50.440
If you say you're a believer, if you're saying it, you repeat the scripture over and over and over again.

1307
01:16:50.540 --> 01:16:53.340
And you say you receive it, then guess what?

1308
01:16:53.620 --> 01:16:54.640
You will go and testify.

1309
01:16:55.060 --> 01:16:58.280
And it was like, well, testify to the crowd because you're in this group.

1310
01:16:58.600 --> 01:16:59.400
Testify and say.

1311
01:16:59.980 --> 01:17:01.020
And then you came on.

1312
01:17:01.080 --> 01:17:03.220
That was the first thing you were talking about, testify and be.

1313
01:17:03.440 --> 01:17:05.580
I was like, okay, that was a confirmation for me to do it.

1314
01:17:05.920 --> 01:17:08.180
And I was like, I would almost fall asleep.

1315
01:17:08.400 --> 01:17:09.680
But I was like, okay, whatever.

1316
01:17:09.680 --> 01:17:11.920
If you didn't call me, I was going to go to bed.

1317
01:17:11.980 --> 01:17:13.340
And then I said, I'll do it another night.

1318
01:17:13.340 --> 01:17:14.920
But then you said, okay, Stephanie Davis.

1319
01:17:15.060 --> 01:17:17.740
I thought you were talking to other Stephanie, but you said Davis.

1320
01:17:18.300 --> 01:17:18.700
Yes.

1321
01:17:18.920 --> 01:17:19.920
Good night, everyone.

1322
01:17:20.560 --> 01:17:22.100
Yeah, we're excited for you.

1323
01:17:22.460 --> 01:17:24.980
I was telling Stephanie on her post in the app.

1324
01:17:25.460 --> 01:17:27.060
And get ready, Priti, we're coming to you.

1325
01:17:27.820 --> 01:17:31.700
You know, she said God had her do an activation that just brought so much breakthrough for her.

1326
01:17:31.720 --> 01:17:33.720
And that's what you're doing right now, activation.

1327
01:17:33.940 --> 01:17:39.040
You know, the Bible says in the book of Proverbs, so a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

1328
01:17:39.040 --> 01:17:45.520
And so God knows that we have to get that thing in our heart to grab a hold to it, to believe it.

1329
01:17:45.560 --> 01:17:48.120
And then it becomes, and that's what you just did, Stephanie.

1330
01:17:48.300 --> 01:17:51.180
And so we celebrate and we celebrate with you.

1331
01:17:51.200 --> 01:17:52.220
Baby, I didn't declare it.

1332
01:17:52.380 --> 01:17:53.000
I know.

1333
01:17:53.340 --> 01:17:55.260
Yes, we celebrate with you.

1334
01:17:55.400 --> 01:17:55.720
Yay.

1335
01:17:56.260 --> 01:17:58.080
We're getting our dancing shoes ready.

1336
01:18:00.420 --> 01:18:01.500
Come on, Priti.

1337
01:18:03.560 --> 01:18:04.540
Good night.

1338
01:18:06.840 --> 01:18:08.180
Hi, Ebony.

1339
01:18:09.320 --> 01:18:09.960
Hey.

1340
01:18:11.480 --> 01:18:16.660
So I have a debrief from my date on Saturday.

1341
01:18:17.180 --> 01:18:17.820
Yes.

1342
01:18:18.380 --> 01:18:22.160
So I put in the chat, but I don't think you had a chance to review it.

1343
01:18:22.360 --> 01:18:32.060
But essentially, you know, after like a hard experience a few weeks ago, like, I think this went really well.

1344
01:18:32.880 --> 01:18:38.320
You know, we were awkward, like for the first 5-10 minutes, we were both a little socially awkward.

1345
01:18:38.700 --> 01:18:41.340
But I think it got better pretty quickly.

1346
01:18:43.080 --> 01:18:48.200
And like we talked about a whole range of topics, like we talked about, and it was organic.

1347
01:18:48.340 --> 01:18:51.220
So like I didn't kind of have an agenda or anything like that.

1348
01:18:51.220 --> 01:19:06.360
But we did talk about like some hard topics like politics, economics, and, you know, culture and sports and values and favorite places to hike in the neighborhood or in the area.

1349
01:19:06.700 --> 01:19:10.920
And then a little bit about faith, too, towards the end.

1350
01:19:12.140 --> 01:19:17.980
And I know, like, I mean, I wasn't intending to bring out faith, but it just kind of came up organically.

1351
01:19:17.980 --> 01:19:24.740
So then I kind of, you know, went all in into it or like answered whatever questions he had.

1352
01:19:24.820 --> 01:19:29.340
So we spoke for about 90 minutes or so.

1353
01:19:29.780 --> 01:19:34.660
Normally, I have a friend who calls me at 90 minute mark, like to make sure if I need like an out.

1354
01:19:34.860 --> 01:19:36.940
And so she did call me and I was like, no, I'm good.

1355
01:19:36.940 --> 01:19:39.540
But, you know, we are kind of wrapping or whatever.

1356
01:19:39.980 --> 01:19:44.540
And so then we ended with a little walk in the neighborhood.

1357
01:19:44.540 --> 01:19:51.740
And yeah, it was I mean, overall, it was great, like no, no issues, no, no challenges.

1358
01:19:52.420 --> 01:19:54.880
It free flowed pretty quickly.

1359
01:19:55.200 --> 01:19:57.720
We had it. We had a lot of common interests.

1360
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:08.140
he um like when he asked me which church i go to he kind of knew the pastor uh there so

1361
01:20:08.240 --> 01:20:14.160
like he does his research i'm not sure about how plugged in he is in a church community but

1362
01:20:14.580 --> 01:20:22.400
we did speak about some pretty hardcore theological stuff uh so you know like he i mean

1363
01:20:23.160 --> 01:20:31.340
he he he's read he's well read like he he knows his bible uh so all in all like it ended well

1364
01:20:31.680 --> 01:20:36.460
somebody asked me like did he talk about like meeting again and we didn't say anything

1365
01:20:36.960 --> 01:20:43.260
about it he he said he said when he was leaving that i had a blast and have a great hike because

1366
01:20:43.260 --> 01:20:49.020
like i told him that i was going to go for a hike afterwards and then we kind of had a very brief

1367
01:20:49.020 --> 01:20:55.060
hug like a platonic brief hug and then we kind of went our ways um and then i kind of didn't hear

1368
01:20:55.060 --> 01:21:02.540
from him for the whole day after but like he asked me about something and i had told him i'll send

1369
01:21:02.540 --> 01:21:10.160
you a link so i did uh and then he was like okay great thanks and then you know we've been having

1370
01:21:10.160 --> 01:21:17.160
on and off chats like not too much um but like we've exchanged a few messages he hasn't said

1371
01:21:17.160 --> 01:21:23.400
anything about meeting again um so i don't know like i mean somebody asked me will you meet him

1372
01:21:23.400 --> 01:21:29.820
again and i was like yeah like i mean i would meet him again uh but it hasn't come up so my question

1373
01:21:29.820 --> 01:21:36.640
to you is like i have responded to some of the like chats that like he didn't ask me any big

1374
01:21:36.640 --> 01:21:42.820
questions but like you know we exchanged some pleasantries but after that like we haven't really

1375
01:21:42.820 --> 01:21:49.400
so this was saturday today is tuesday we had a long weekend like we both had plans and um

1376
01:21:49.400 --> 01:21:56.260
yeah so like i don't know like should i should i uh should i wait like you know what should be

1377
01:21:56.820 --> 01:22:04.360
my next step go ahead and reach out okay tell him you had a great time if you haven't told him that

1378
01:22:04.360 --> 01:22:12.800
yet and that you look forward to doing again when he when time permits okay cool but or like i'm

1379
01:22:12.800 --> 01:22:18.860
i look forward to doing again just let me know right okay okay cool i think that'd be great

1380
01:22:19.220 --> 01:22:23.020
sometimes when we end the day we say what's good this person good but everybody's kind of waiting

1381
01:22:23.020 --> 01:22:27.600
to see like are we gonna talk again or you say something and so just get it out of the way that

1382
01:22:27.600 --> 01:22:32.460
way you won't be thinking about it no more it's like hey i did it and i can know which way we're

1383
01:22:32.880 --> 01:22:42.460
going okay cool post on the wall let me know what happens okay okay okay i'm happy for you to

1384
01:22:43.360 --> 01:22:49.140
yes it was uh you know after like that first experience that i had like which was discouraging

1385
01:22:49.140 --> 01:22:56.140
even though you say it was a good date like it was really hard on me um so after that like this

1386
01:22:56.140 --> 01:23:02.500
was just it was just nice to see everything being normal and not creepy and not weird and not

1387
01:23:02.500 --> 01:23:08.560
stressful right so like i mean again there were like there were no sparks or there was no like

1388
01:23:09.400 --> 01:23:14.420
you know like immediate attraction or anything like that but like we had a we had a great time

1389
01:23:14.420 --> 01:23:21.320
like we yeah we we spoke about some hard topics and it went well so that's good that's good yeah

1390
01:23:21.760 --> 01:23:27.280
awesome okay you're welcome thank y'all for y'all patience we're down to the last three

1391
01:23:27.580 --> 01:23:35.120
and we're gonna stop at 8 30 because go to bed which is weird it's okay um i'm gonna get better

1392
01:23:35.120 --> 01:23:40.500
with our time but come on verne while i'm chatting it's 8 23 so i want to get us last

1393
01:23:40.500 --> 01:23:49.680
three done before 8 30. okay i'm gonna i'm gonna make it quick so what i'm gonna say is that i'm

1394
01:23:49.680 --> 01:23:57.800
gonna tell y'all don't go to sleep on home depot and lowes and sprawl and sprawls don't go to sleep

1395
01:23:57.800 --> 01:24:05.660
on those places um however i am enjoying um what i'm doing right now i hadn't had a i i have some

1396
01:24:05.660 --> 01:24:11.460
traffic coming through and all that but i also want to say i'm not afraid to go out to eat by

1397
01:24:11.760 --> 01:24:17.740
myself so when i go i get of course i get the table for two and they're looking like okay do

1398
01:24:17.740 --> 01:24:23.400
you have anybody but who knows there might be a gentleman that coming to the restaurant honey

1399
01:24:23.400 --> 01:24:35.040
and he'll say is this seat taken come on and for you yes but yeah so yeah i'm enjoying myself um

1400
01:24:35.040 --> 01:24:39.820
the one guy that i told you about i kind of thought he for me i felt like he was maybe just

1401
01:24:39.820 --> 01:24:47.840
a little bit too old for me because i did although i mean i'm 62 i'm getting ready to be 63 but

1402
01:24:47.840 --> 01:24:56.820
ever he was 72 i believe it was but he was just so quiet and we talked a little bit here and there

1403
01:24:57.180 --> 01:24:59.980
and uh you know i i would have loved

1404
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.740
to see him do more talking.

1405
01:25:02.860 --> 01:25:05.380
However, I just started a brand new job.

1406
01:25:05.640 --> 01:25:08.540
This is my second week and I'm so excited about that.

1407
01:25:08.540 --> 01:25:12.360
But it does take, it's a lot that I'm doing right now

1408
01:25:12.360 --> 01:25:15.640
that I need to stay focused on that

1409
01:25:15.640 --> 01:25:18.240
because I have to take a certification

1410
01:25:18.760 --> 01:25:21.280
that's a part of me keeping my job

1411
01:25:21.280 --> 01:25:23.300
because I have to be able to be certified

1412
01:25:23.300 --> 01:25:25.200
and get my license and everything.

1413
01:25:25.540 --> 01:25:27.740
So I'm not worried about that,

1414
01:25:27.740 --> 01:25:32.720
but I can't just be doing a lot until like the weekend.

1415
01:25:33.160 --> 01:25:37.500
And so I did tell him like, I get off at about 4.30

1416
01:25:37.500 --> 01:25:40.180
but he can call me, you know,

1417
01:25:40.620 --> 01:25:43.200
but I've been doing all the calling, I don't like that.

1418
01:25:43.280 --> 01:25:46.840
I felt on Sunday, like I'm doing too much calling.

1419
01:25:46.960 --> 01:25:50.100
And then I called him and we talked for just a few minutes

1420
01:25:50.100 --> 01:25:52.480
and he said he needed to run

1421
01:25:52.480 --> 01:25:55.200
because he had another call that come in.

1422
01:25:55.320 --> 01:25:57.000
And I was like, okay, and I was like,

1423
01:25:57.000 --> 01:25:58.200
yeah, that's what I was feeling.

1424
01:25:58.520 --> 01:26:00.220
So yeah, I can call him and let that one go.

1425
01:26:00.600 --> 01:26:03.400
But anyway, that's what I felt like that I can.

1426
01:26:03.440 --> 01:26:05.640
Yeah, when you don't feel like you're doing too much calling

1427
01:26:05.640 --> 01:26:08.180
you're doing too much calling, I'm glad you popped it.

1428
01:26:08.300 --> 01:26:09.660
You can feel it, people don't know,

1429
01:26:09.760 --> 01:26:11.140
but you can feel it when you do too much.

1430
01:26:11.360 --> 01:26:11.520
Oh yeah.

1431
01:26:11.660 --> 01:26:14.040
It's like, oh no, I did too much.

1432
01:26:14.260 --> 01:26:16.120
Yeah, so I felt like I was doing too much.

1433
01:26:16.380 --> 01:26:21.200
So I did a guy that's, he's like 57

1434
01:26:21.400 --> 01:26:23.660
and I'm like, that's too young for me.

1435
01:26:23.920 --> 01:26:25.580
And then, so I'm sorry, no, no, no, no, no.

1436
01:26:25.580 --> 01:26:28.080
But then my friend said, my friend say,

1437
01:26:28.580 --> 01:26:33.640
no, you with your energy, you need to be on that side

1438
01:26:33.640 --> 01:26:36.180
than you need to be on the 70 side.

1439
01:26:36.420 --> 01:26:39.180
But we just had just a little conversation

1440
01:26:39.180 --> 01:26:40.540
but there are some other ones

1441
01:26:40.640 --> 01:26:43.260
that I have been talking to here and there.

1442
01:26:43.640 --> 01:26:45.940
And some of them, I've already X them off the list

1443
01:26:45.940 --> 01:26:50.520
but I want to tell you a couple of things that from the,

1444
01:26:50.800 --> 01:26:53.060
I say where the guy has been kind of hitting on me.

1445
01:26:53.060 --> 01:26:57.220
So this younger guy, he said that he,

1446
01:26:58.500 --> 01:27:00.460
he said, he was looking at a picture.

1447
01:27:00.640 --> 01:27:02.440
I thought I could pull it up and let you all see it.

1448
01:27:02.520 --> 01:27:05.500
He said, I just wanted to say that you are so beautiful.

1449
01:27:05.720 --> 01:27:07.760
You look so beautiful in that pink dress.

1450
01:27:07.820 --> 01:27:11.300
Although the dress was lavender, like a purple, light purple.

1451
01:27:11.340 --> 01:27:15.060
He said, you look so beautiful in that pink dress.

1452
01:27:15.200 --> 01:27:17.600
You about to make me be your slave.

1453
01:27:17.980 --> 01:27:21.520
I was like, oh my gosh, what in the world?

1454
01:27:22.200 --> 01:27:25.120
And I was like, okay, but he was a little younger

1455
01:27:25.160 --> 01:27:29.240
but anyway, it was just kind of funny what I did.

1456
01:27:29.540 --> 01:27:33.200
But anyway, and then there was another guy sent me one

1457
01:27:33.200 --> 01:27:36.020
and he said something in reference to the same purple dress.

1458
01:27:36.440 --> 01:27:38.620
And he was like, by the way

1459
01:27:38.620 --> 01:27:40.780
you look beautiful in that purple dress.

1460
01:27:40.800 --> 01:27:44.260
And he said, yes, I would love to take you

1461
01:27:44.260 --> 01:27:46.540
on a road trip in my RV.

1462
01:27:47.260 --> 01:27:50.400
If you promise me you'll wear that lavender dress.

1463
01:27:50.400 --> 01:27:54.560
And I was like, because that's one of the things

1464
01:27:54.560 --> 01:27:58.360
that I wanna do, I wanna travel by way of RV.

1465
01:27:59.020 --> 01:28:01.160
Just travel around, do some traveling.

1466
01:28:01.680 --> 01:28:07.460
So yes, I have been enjoying my discovery period here

1467
01:28:07.700 --> 01:28:10.140
when I can get a chance to just get on

1468
01:28:12.420 --> 01:28:16.260
and get a chance to just get on and look at some things.

1469
01:28:16.600 --> 01:28:18.100
I'm no longer working overnights

1470
01:28:18.100 --> 01:28:21.400
cause I used to work overnights in hospice

1471
01:28:21.400 --> 01:28:23.040
but I'm not doing that anymore.

1472
01:28:23.200 --> 01:28:24.400
I'm doing something else now.

1473
01:28:25.080 --> 01:28:29.060
And so I was able to pop on sometime

1474
01:28:29.520 --> 01:28:31.520
and kind of keep myself confident

1475
01:28:31.520 --> 01:28:34.340
but I don't wanna be on there too late at night

1476
01:28:34.340 --> 01:28:35.200
although I'm overnight

1477
01:28:35.200 --> 01:28:36.560
because I don't want anybody to think

1478
01:28:36.560 --> 01:28:37.600
that I'm up all night.

1479
01:28:38.140 --> 01:28:40.180
Just no, I didn't want them to get that impression

1480
01:28:40.340 --> 01:28:42.120
or anything like that.

1481
01:28:42.160 --> 01:28:47.160
But I'm enjoying what I'm doing and it feels good

1482
01:28:47.160 --> 01:28:50.380
just to have the conversations and everything

1483
01:28:50.380 --> 01:28:53.140
because I haven't dated in the long,

1484
01:28:53.340 --> 01:28:55.560
I mean like over 25 years.

1485
01:28:55.860 --> 01:28:59.400
So I haven't dated in a long time.

1486
01:28:59.460 --> 01:29:03.740
I tried to date a guy back in 2020.

1487
01:29:04.080 --> 01:29:06.900
He started out being a boyfriend, I tried.

1488
01:29:07.520 --> 01:29:10.100
And right afterwards he got sick

1489
01:29:10.380 --> 01:29:14.500
and I went from being a girlfriend to his caregiver

1490
01:29:15.020 --> 01:29:16.340
taking care of him.

1491
01:29:16.340 --> 01:29:18.420
And he died a year later.

1492
01:29:18.580 --> 01:29:20.480
So we was just starting to talk

1493
01:29:20.640 --> 01:29:23.160
and I took care of him all the way up until he died.

1494
01:29:23.520 --> 01:29:24.580
So, but yeah.

1495
01:29:24.580 --> 01:29:27.540
So other than that, I'm enjoying it.

1496
01:29:27.740 --> 01:29:30.880
And so I'm looking forward to have,

1497
01:29:31.680 --> 01:29:33.020
I'm looking forward to tell you guys

1498
01:29:33.020 --> 01:29:34.960
when I actually went on a date.

1499
01:29:35.220 --> 01:29:38.200
Actually, when I actually meet someone in person

1500
01:29:38.200 --> 01:29:40.180
because some of them were saying,

1501
01:29:40.380 --> 01:29:41.760
a couple of people like,

1502
01:29:42.280 --> 01:29:44.360
let's just talk on here or whatever.

1503
01:29:44.360 --> 01:29:46.840
And I was kind of waiting for someone to offer

1504
01:29:47.160 --> 01:29:48.380
about us getting together.

1505
01:29:48.520 --> 01:29:49.920
And the one that I was talking to,

1506
01:29:50.240 --> 01:29:52.460
I was thinking about asking him

1507
01:29:52.500 --> 01:29:54.160
after I spoke to him on Sunday

1508
01:29:54.640 --> 01:29:57.800
was to see whether or not he wanted to get together.

1509
01:29:58.120 --> 01:29:59.980
I don't drink coffee, but I drink tea.

1510
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.360
but we could go somewhere and so we can talk.

1511
01:30:02.880 --> 01:30:05.080
But when he was like, well, OK, I got to get the phone.

1512
01:30:05.120 --> 01:30:05.620
I got to call.

1513
01:30:05.840 --> 01:30:07.100
I was like, OK, yeah.

1514
01:30:07.320 --> 01:30:11.320
OK, so he made me go ahead on and make my decision

1515
01:30:11.320 --> 01:30:14.040
because I was getting ready to anyway to kind of end it

1516
01:30:14.040 --> 01:30:15.820
because, yeah, I was doing everything.

1517
01:30:16.380 --> 01:30:17.820
Yeah, so that's it about me.

1518
01:30:18.300 --> 01:30:19.740
I'm so happy for you, Vern.

1519
01:30:19.740 --> 01:30:22.080
I'm so happy that you're enjoying the process.

1520
01:30:22.520 --> 01:30:24.420
And the date is going to come.

1521
01:30:25.020 --> 01:30:28.080
And you don't have to wait on somebody

1522
01:30:28.080 --> 01:30:29.400
to ask you out for coffee.

1523
01:30:30.160 --> 01:30:32.060
You're going to be third time talking to them.

1524
01:30:32.500 --> 01:30:33.820
You want to go ahead and say, hey,

1525
01:30:33.820 --> 01:30:35.040
would you like to meet up for coffee?

1526
01:30:35.760 --> 01:30:37.700
And they're trying to get you to run around

1527
01:30:37.700 --> 01:30:38.600
and you ain't got time.

1528
01:30:38.740 --> 01:30:39.860
Nobody got time for that.

1529
01:30:40.140 --> 01:30:40.540
Yes.

1530
01:30:40.980 --> 01:30:42.080
Yeah, these people are old enough

1531
01:30:42.080 --> 01:30:43.100
to know what they want, baby.

1532
01:30:43.100 --> 01:30:45.020
Yeah, that's what I said, too.

1533
01:30:45.020 --> 01:30:47.460
And I'm very proud because I did tell my kids.

1534
01:30:47.520 --> 01:30:48.860
I didn't want to quite tell them yet.

1535
01:30:49.200 --> 01:30:51.180
Those have grown kids of mine.

1536
01:30:52.660 --> 01:30:55.860
But I showed them my photos because it was like, mom,

1537
01:30:55.880 --> 01:30:57.060
let me see what you put up there.

1538
01:30:57.060 --> 01:30:59.240
And then they was like, OK, you did good.

1539
01:31:00.640 --> 01:31:01.460
Good, that's good.

1540
01:31:01.900 --> 01:31:02.780
That's good.

1541
01:31:02.880 --> 01:31:04.280
All right, great.

1542
01:31:05.200 --> 01:31:05.200


1543
01:31:10.320 --> 01:31:11.700
Yes, hi, yes.

1544
01:31:11.740 --> 01:31:12.740
OK, great.

1545
01:31:12.860 --> 01:31:17.680
So just want to give you an update from last week, right?

1546
01:31:17.680 --> 01:31:20.120
We talked about that, you know, ask those questions.

1547
01:31:20.620 --> 01:31:23.000
OK, so just have a video call very quickly.

1548
01:31:23.220 --> 01:31:25.960
And then I'm the one who initiated the video call.

1549
01:31:25.960 --> 01:31:30.200
But anyway, so he's asking, what do you have in your mind

1550
01:31:30.200 --> 01:31:31.480
when you ask me those questions?

1551
01:31:31.740 --> 01:31:34.820
And he said, oh, no, those are just icebreaking questions.

1552
01:31:35.580 --> 01:31:36.380
Nothing really.

1553
01:31:37.520 --> 01:31:41.360
And and I said, well, you know, if you want to send me a picture,

1554
01:31:41.420 --> 01:31:42.400
why don't you send me a picture?

1555
01:31:42.460 --> 01:31:45.780
I mean, the fact that you're sitting on the bed doesn't make any difference.

1556
01:31:45.780 --> 01:31:47.020
I mean, you can just send me the picture.

1557
01:31:47.320 --> 01:31:49.660
But he's like, you know, I just send you a picture. That's all.

1558
01:31:49.660 --> 01:31:53.260
I mean, OK, so I don't think he's I don't think he's

1559
01:31:53.260 --> 01:31:55.740
you know, like

1560
01:31:58.520 --> 01:31:59.560
anything sexually.

1561
01:32:00.100 --> 01:32:04.200
But then I but I don't but I have no there's no smock with him.

1562
01:32:04.320 --> 01:32:07.000
So I think I'm going to end it with him soon.

1563
01:32:08.740 --> 01:32:11.400
Yeah. But I have another question is I met you

1564
01:32:11.400 --> 01:32:14.800
if I met you with a guy at OKCupid.

1565
01:32:16.560 --> 01:32:18.880
So, you know how OKCupid works, right?

1566
01:32:19.500 --> 01:32:21.920
They ask they have many, many questions, right?

1567
01:32:21.920 --> 01:32:23.980
And then they match you with different percentages.

1568
01:32:24.240 --> 01:32:27.560
So this guy is nine match with him with 99 percent.

1569
01:32:28.100 --> 01:32:30.820
OK. Yeah. So and he's he's a Christian.

1570
01:32:31.780 --> 01:32:35.620
And he right off the bat, he's told he told me already that

1571
01:32:35.840 --> 01:32:38.980
he does not want any intimacy

1572
01:32:41.260 --> 01:32:42.220
before marriage.

1573
01:32:42.260 --> 01:32:44.320
You know, he already told me right off the bat.

1574
01:32:44.440 --> 01:32:45.200
But anyway, yeah.

1575
01:32:45.680 --> 01:32:50.700
But my confusion is because we have not we have not have a phone call yet,

1576
01:32:50.700 --> 01:32:52.260
which we will tomorrow.

1577
01:32:53.080 --> 01:32:56.600
My question is, I know what you guys coaching

1578
01:32:56.600 --> 01:32:59.420
as is the first two weeks trying to be light, right?

1579
01:32:59.420 --> 01:33:03.080
The conversation trying to be light and don't go too deep.

1580
01:33:03.420 --> 01:33:06.920
So I'm just not sure when you consider light.

1581
01:33:07.440 --> 01:33:08.600
I don't know what is light.

1582
01:33:08.740 --> 01:33:11.220
Like, for example, he can say something about

1583
01:33:11.600 --> 01:33:15.400
you know, he mentioned about his, you know, on the 16 personality.

1584
01:33:15.740 --> 01:33:18.200
He gave me the sign of a 16 personality.

1585
01:33:18.200 --> 01:33:21.000
Are you familiar with that?

1586
01:33:22.120 --> 01:33:23.880
Yeah. 16 personality dot com.

1587
01:33:23.900 --> 01:33:25.520
And then he gave me his sign.

1588
01:33:26.700 --> 01:33:30.120
So I have I can ask him a lot of questions about that.

1589
01:33:30.180 --> 01:33:32.920
But I haven't asked him, so I'm not sure whether I should

1590
01:33:33.720 --> 01:33:37.220
because you guys saying that don't go too deep. Right.

1591
01:33:37.220 --> 01:33:40.620
And also I can sense that he's he's a rigid person, very rigid.

1592
01:33:41.660 --> 01:33:44.760
Like he has to do things in a certain way this way.

1593
01:33:44.760 --> 01:33:45.740
You know, like very rigid.

1594
01:33:45.740 --> 01:33:49.420
And he's you know, he's the same age as me, you know, 57.

1595
01:33:49.900 --> 01:33:50.700
But he never married.

1596
01:33:51.620 --> 01:33:56.500
So and I asked him, you know, and I and he told me he has a few days

1597
01:33:56.500 --> 01:33:59.260
before, but nothing get nothing get matched up.

1598
01:33:59.620 --> 01:34:03.880
So it seems to me that he's looking for a perfect person, perfect match.

1599
01:34:04.240 --> 01:34:06.940
So I don't know how to deal with this kind of person.

1600
01:34:07.160 --> 01:34:09.040
I mean, yeah.

1601
01:34:09.380 --> 01:34:14.540
And yeah, and also the the 16 personality that he gave me.

1602
01:34:14.540 --> 01:34:18.160
The first one is I, I means introvert.

1603
01:34:18.540 --> 01:34:21.600
So that also reminds me of my ex-husband.

1604
01:34:21.860 --> 01:34:22.760
He's also introvert.

1605
01:34:22.880 --> 01:34:25.720
And I'm a little afraid of introvert, you know, like.

1606
01:34:26.060 --> 01:34:29.340
So even though I'm not an introvert, I'm only like I'm extrovert,

1607
01:34:29.460 --> 01:34:33.660
but only like 50 percent, maybe 50, 50 percent extrovert, 50 percent introvert.

1608
01:34:34.060 --> 01:34:37.620
So I'm just not sure how to deal with this kind of person.

1609
01:34:38.040 --> 01:34:39.100
I mean, yeah.

1610
01:34:39.580 --> 01:34:42.280
Yeah. When are you going to meet a very ugly man?

1611
01:34:42.960 --> 01:34:44.760
Yeah. When are you going to meet for coffee?

1612
01:34:46.000 --> 01:34:47.140
No, not yet. We haven't.

1613
01:34:47.500 --> 01:34:48.760
Tomorrow I'm going to talk on the phone.

1614
01:34:49.680 --> 01:34:51.780
OK. And how long have you been talking to him?

1615
01:34:52.300 --> 01:34:53.200
Just a week.

1616
01:34:53.680 --> 01:34:55.600
Where do you live? Does he live near you?

1617
01:34:56.400 --> 01:34:58.560
Yeah. An hour and a half. Yeah. An hour and a half.

1618
01:34:59.020 --> 01:34:59.980
OK, so once you talk.

1619
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.200
him on the phone and then next week it'll be two weeks go ahead and schedule to meet up with him

1620
01:35:06.340 --> 01:35:14.560
to have coffee um i think yeah but my question i don't know what is considered like you know i i

1621
01:35:14.560 --> 01:35:19.600
know again i mean you could talk to you could talk to him about his personality profile that's

1622
01:35:19.600 --> 01:35:27.360
not a deep question if you want to hear all of that i don't think because i was i was so i was

1623
01:35:27.360 --> 01:35:32.540
i was going to ask him okay when you on your you know your 16 personality.com say you're introvert

1624
01:35:32.540 --> 01:35:37.440
can you tell me a little bit what you mean by you're introvert and also one of the question

1625
01:35:37.440 --> 01:35:43.300
is saying that he's a social socially he's awkward so i also want to ask him about that

1626
01:35:43.300 --> 01:35:49.840
what do you mean by that no but again i don't want to get into too deep i think that i think

1627
01:35:49.840 --> 01:35:58.220
you can ask him about that it's not too deep but i want unless it's something startling

1628
01:35:58.280 --> 01:36:04.940
you know what i'm saying like something you're sensing that is puts you in danger the idea that

1629
01:36:04.940 --> 01:36:09.740
we can scrape up enough information about a person to let us know them and make a decision

1630
01:36:09.760 --> 01:36:16.940
is not always a good lens to look through if you want to know this man he seems like a godly man

1631
01:36:16.940 --> 01:36:24.200
go have coffee with him right give him a chance to get to know him because he may be introverted

1632
01:36:24.200 --> 01:36:30.300
and your ex-husband may have been introverted but i don't know if he i don't know if his godly

1633
01:36:30.300 --> 01:36:37.740
wisdom helps him to navigate his introvertness in a different direction every introvert is not

1634
01:36:37.740 --> 01:36:43.380
the same i have really good friends they're introverts and we make a really good pair

1635
01:36:43.920 --> 01:36:50.400
they're my friends i'm totally extroverted and we fit well together and so i think that if you

1636
01:36:50.400 --> 01:36:54.420
start profiling people based on specific things it just doesn't serve you well

1637
01:36:56.040 --> 01:37:00.480
and if you want guarantees before you hang out with a person and experience them it doesn't

1638
01:37:00.480 --> 01:37:04.760
serve well unless they have some alarming things where you think your life is going to be in danger

1639
01:37:05.240 --> 01:37:11.640
but if they're godly they seem like they got some sense talk to them on the phone do a little video

1640
01:37:11.640 --> 01:37:18.960
date this week today is just tuesday you should be ready to meet him next week well i'm actually

1641
01:37:18.960 --> 01:37:23.820
going i will like in between his area on this saturday so i was thinking to ask to ask him to

1642
01:37:23.820 --> 01:37:29.560
meet on saturday i think that tomorrow after tomorrow phone call i was thinking to ask him

1643
01:37:29.560 --> 01:37:34.660
to meet on saturday i think that'll be really good if you feel safe you know you don't have

1644
01:37:34.660 --> 01:37:39.680
any alarms about it i think if you can meet with him on coffee the sooner the better because

1645
01:37:39.680 --> 01:37:49.100
experience tells you about a person does that make sense yeah i understand but again i'm i'm

1646
01:37:49.100 --> 01:37:54.500
still very confused about talking too deep you know which what is considered too deep like do

1647
01:37:54.500 --> 01:38:00.180
you ask him about the love language oh about love language okay love language is none of your

1648
01:38:00.340 --> 01:38:04.400
concern if i had to be real i know some people like to talk about love language but what different

1649
01:38:04.400 --> 01:38:08.860
does it make you don't even know him and what happens is when you get to know him because you

1650
01:38:08.860 --> 01:38:13.400
know his love language you'll put the car before the horse and try to meet a language that's not

1651
01:38:13.400 --> 01:38:18.460
for you to be met you're not in an exclusive relationship in exclusive relationships you may

1652
01:38:18.460 --> 01:38:24.220
want to cater to a person's love language but that's for for spouses people need to you know

1653
01:38:24.220 --> 01:38:28.800
i just so like i see people talk about i heard me and bring it up what's your love language what my

1654
01:38:28.800 --> 01:38:33.360
love language have anything to do with you and so what i do is say well you know i don't think

1655
01:38:33.360 --> 01:38:37.860
that's really important because i know how it trickles back when you start liking a person

1656
01:38:37.860 --> 01:38:44.080
you naturally desire to want to please them and now you know how something a way that can please

1657
01:38:44.080 --> 01:38:48.920
them so i don't think that there's the best conversation to have but i'm going to tell you

1658
01:38:49.060 --> 01:38:54.600
what's deep so deep would be were you married that's fine if you you want to say were you

1659
01:38:54.600 --> 01:38:58.760
married in the past so they could say well you know my ex okay if you say to them after they

1660
01:38:58.760 --> 01:39:03.140
say that and you can just say oh okay if you say to them after that oh why did y'all get a divorce

1661
01:39:04.580 --> 01:39:10.420
oh what happened that's deep because i'm telling you you may want to know but when you find out

1662
01:39:10.420 --> 01:39:15.940
you're going to judge them yeah that's what i did in the before i get to this program i always ask

1663
01:39:15.940 --> 01:39:20.840
that question you're going to judge but you ask it because you want to know you want to protect

1664
01:39:20.840 --> 01:39:26.120
yourself you want to guard yourself for being hurt but what you do is you measure that person by who

1665
01:39:26.120 --> 01:39:29.800
they were you don't know who they are today and the only way you're going to know who they are

1666
01:39:29.800 --> 01:39:34.600
is that you experience them they could have cheated on their wife and been with 50 different

1667
01:39:34.600 --> 01:39:39.560
women you think you're going to sign up to be with them but they could be a reform change man

1668
01:39:39.620 --> 01:39:45.440
can make you one of the happiest marriages ever i don't know but what i'm saying is when we start

1669
01:39:45.440 --> 01:39:50.860
going into people's past we start judging them by their past if that ain't even none of your business

1670
01:39:51.000 --> 01:39:58.360
all you want is a coffee date uh-huh so how can i and and because i'm just so afraid that i um

1671
01:39:58.360 --> 01:39:59.980
i try try to compare him

1672
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:06.840
to my ex-husband that like my ex-husband is also introvert and it's very quiet type and i and i tell

1673
01:40:06.840 --> 01:40:13.560
myself i would never want to date this kind of uh this type of personality so so how can i tell

1674
01:40:13.560 --> 01:40:18.940
myself don't you know i don't know i think you should tell yourself i don't want to date my

1675
01:40:18.960 --> 01:40:28.040
ex-husband again but i don't know these other people because you can date your ex-husband again

1676
01:40:28.040 --> 01:40:35.260
and the person can be extroverted you can date him again you could pick him again it was what

1677
01:40:35.260 --> 01:40:42.660
was in you that attracted you to your ex-husband he didn't you didn't attract yourself to a man

1678
01:40:42.660 --> 01:40:51.620
that was like whoa you tricked me we alike attract like right and so it wasn't that your

1679
01:40:51.620 --> 01:40:56.060
ex-husband was an introvert maybe it was that he was an introvert and he didn't know how to

1680
01:40:56.060 --> 01:41:02.720
become what you needed and so you can find a man who's an introvert but also knows that my spouse

1681
01:41:02.960 --> 01:41:09.520
she needs communication and so we're gonna pencil in a hour every day to give her what she needs

1682
01:41:09.520 --> 01:41:16.120
even though i'm introverted i value what she needs okay so this is a different type of man

1683
01:41:16.120 --> 01:41:19.800
so it has nothing to do with being introverted extroverted you're extroverted and you know

1684
01:41:19.800 --> 01:41:25.660
your spouse is introverted and so what you say is because you um because you value him you say

1685
01:41:25.660 --> 01:41:31.900
i'm not going to overwhelm him with all of this conversation because i understand that he is

1686
01:41:32.980 --> 01:41:38.540
introverted i understand that he's introverted he goes in and so we've determined that when i

1687
01:41:38.540 --> 01:41:44.900
bring a conversation up i'll give him a day to think on it i understand that it's better for

1688
01:41:44.900 --> 01:41:49.260
him to probably write down what he's thinking because he's going inward and so that's all

1689
01:41:49.260 --> 01:41:53.700
i'm saying is we can't get caught up in if they're introverted like my spouse i don't want that

1690
01:41:54.260 --> 01:41:57.360
that's not true the problem wasn't that your spouse was introverted

1691
01:41:58.800 --> 01:42:06.080
okay it was the way he expressed himself and how he showed up in the marriage and how he refused

1692
01:42:06.080 --> 01:42:11.260
to partner and he said well this is just who i am and this is how it's going to be well that's

1693
01:42:11.260 --> 01:42:18.320
not partnership right yeah yeah you're right yeah okay and then another quick question is um

1694
01:42:18.320 --> 01:42:25.700
like like this last year program like at what stage can we uh can we recommend to to the guy

1695
01:42:25.700 --> 01:42:32.620
that we're dating whatever i mean i don't know if you want them to to join the program and then

1696
01:42:32.620 --> 01:42:37.580
go through the hard work what stage do you think the date i mean what stage in the dating process

1697
01:42:37.580 --> 01:42:43.760
that we should introduce that to them i think if you found somebody that you liked and you say i

1698
01:42:44.000 --> 01:42:51.940
think this guy has potential but it seems like he needs some hard work right i think then you

1699
01:42:51.940 --> 01:42:58.720
could say hey i want to go further with you i realize that you like me a lot and i do like you

1700
01:42:58.720 --> 01:43:06.820
but i'm concerned about these areas okay okay once you share that you let them share something back

1701
01:43:06.820 --> 01:43:12.420
with you they should be sharing their concern now they may say oh you're right i want to get

1702
01:43:12.420 --> 01:43:19.800
some counseling and then you could say okay oh okay right you let them determine like what they

1703
01:43:19.800 --> 01:43:23.800
want to do or you could say i'm in a really great dating program you could tell them about

1704
01:43:23.800 --> 01:43:29.880
the dating program you're in and just say what you're doing that's it yeah i did say that but

1705
01:43:29.880 --> 01:43:38.200
he never i did say that but he never followed you did not ask me questions so so well yeah so he's

1706
01:43:38.200 --> 01:43:45.640
not interested in it yeah i i don't i'm not sure just you're just taxing i'm doing the tax we said

1707
01:43:45.640 --> 01:43:50.900
i said that but yeah but then maybe next time when we really meet then i can tell him that yeah i'm

1708
01:43:50.900 --> 01:43:57.260
this program uh but i don't want to sounds like i'm trying to to teach him something you know like

1709
01:43:57.340 --> 01:44:02.360
i don't you know yeah you know i don't want to yeah you know yeah so so just don't bring it up

1710
01:44:03.260 --> 01:44:09.320
but but you're right that i should i should i should frame myself to the way that let him tell

1711
01:44:09.320 --> 01:44:14.140
me that he wants the counseling then i say okay yeah this this program is great and all that

1712
01:44:14.160 --> 01:44:19.900
yeah right because you don't know him and y'all are not in their space yet you probably won't

1713
01:44:20.720 --> 01:44:27.580
you know um so so quick question to this so then if they do join the program are they also

1714
01:44:27.580 --> 01:44:31.160
are they also asked to pause their dating for five weeks

1715
01:44:32.600 --> 01:44:38.020
yeah the guy huh i mean unless he says i'm in a committed relationship if y'all not an

1716
01:44:38.080 --> 01:44:44.420
exclusive relationship there's no reason why he shouldn't be dating no no no because when we

1717
01:44:44.420 --> 01:44:51.620
for women we were asked to to pause our oh oh sorry sorry yes he will be asked to pause dating

1718
01:44:51.620 --> 01:44:58.940
so that he can get heart healthy oh okay which you would want that okay no i'm just the one to

1719
01:44:58.940 --> 01:44:59.600
get an idea

1720
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:09.100
Yeah, yeah. People have to want help. And we can't assume that everybody needs hard work.

1721
01:45:09.720 --> 01:45:15.000
Right. Because everybody doesn't need hard work. Right. But so far, the people that I met,

1722
01:45:15.180 --> 01:45:20.020
they think they need help. Well, if you're meeting people that need hard work,

1723
01:45:20.040 --> 01:45:26.040
and that's not your person, you you ideally want a masculine, mature, marriage minded man. And

1724
01:45:26.040 --> 01:45:30.380
that doesn't mean that a masculine, mature, marriage minded man doesn't need hard work.

1725
01:45:30.540 --> 01:45:36.580
But once you get that foundation down, if you have a mature man, he's in marriage minded,

1726
01:45:36.820 --> 01:45:42.300
after you grow with them some, and there's some areas that need to be cleaned up, and they've set

1727
01:45:42.300 --> 01:45:47.100
their sights on you, they're gonna, you know, they could feel encouraged to do what needs to be done.

1728
01:45:49.220 --> 01:45:57.160
Okay. I'm not I'm gonna confuse what you just said. So okay. So I was dating a guy, we were

1729
01:45:57.160 --> 01:46:03.820
we hang on exclusive yet. Exclusive conversation comes up because I did the whole, you know,

1730
01:46:03.820 --> 01:46:08.740
you don't have to be me, it could be two months, I did 90 days. And so by the time we made to 90

1731
01:46:08.740 --> 01:46:14.380
days of exclusivity, we were really good friends at this point, we got to get we got to know each

1732
01:46:14.380 --> 01:46:19.700
other. And so even before then, I had noticed some things, some behaviors and some patterns.

1733
01:46:20.100 --> 01:46:24.860
And so we were just kind of talking. And I was like, Oh, I can see how this pattern in your life

1734
01:46:24.860 --> 01:46:30.840
has made it tough for you. One of the things that helped me I have a personal trauma therapist,

1735
01:46:30.880 --> 01:46:36.580
I've always had, I'm a really big believer in being healthy. So I said, one of the things

1736
01:46:36.580 --> 01:46:42.980
that helped me with that was my counselor. Okay, counselor taught me this. And that's how I know

1737
01:46:42.980 --> 01:46:49.720
these things. He was like, Oh, he was like, Well, I don't have a counselor. But that's something I

1738
01:46:49.720 --> 01:46:54.280
will be interested in. And I was like, Oh, well, you know, you can check to see if your insurance

1739
01:46:54.280 --> 01:47:00.100
covers it, or whatever, you know, my, you know, whatever. But he wouldn't got in counseling on

1740
01:47:00.100 --> 01:47:06.700
his own for issue he had. We, he knew that he wanted he was very marriage minded. Does that

1741
01:47:06.700 --> 01:47:14.260
make sense? Okay. Yeah. So I, after we build rapport with each other, navigated some things

1742
01:47:14.260 --> 01:47:19.520
and told him about me. And then he said, Oh, I am interested in it. I didn't tell him about

1743
01:47:19.520 --> 01:47:22.700
the program. I did tell him about the program later. I was like, you want to get into this

1744
01:47:22.700 --> 01:47:28.500
after we went exclusive, like you want to get in the program? He's like, No. But he was he

1745
01:47:28.500 --> 01:47:36.000
was already had a counselor. And so, but I didn't suggest to the him to the program because

1746
01:47:36.760 --> 01:47:45.280
of some like, I mean, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah. I see.

1747
01:47:45.660 --> 01:47:50.100
Okay, I have to see how the phone calls go. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Take it one day at a time.

1748
01:47:50.960 --> 01:47:53.560
Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Emily. Yeah. Thank you.

1749
01:47:54.860 --> 01:47:58.620
Joanne, I don't want to see you go, but I'm so glad you're on tonight.

1750
01:47:59.460 --> 01:48:06.220
Hey, are you do you have time? Yeah. Oh, good. Um, so two things I want to update you.

1751
01:48:06.220 --> 01:48:11.940
Did you say you were going to phase three? Oh, I was just wondering how long are we supposed

1752
01:48:11.940 --> 01:48:16.900
to stay on here? Oh, okay. I don't really want to go on here. I mean, leave yet. But I was just

1753
01:48:16.900 --> 01:48:22.260
okay. You don't have to leave. I did all the homework. I did all the like reading and video,

1754
01:48:22.380 --> 01:48:26.900
but I was like, I think I need to be on here a little longer. So I have two things I wanted

1755
01:48:26.900 --> 01:48:32.460
to update you about my date and then someone I'm thinking about like reconnecting with. So yeah,

1756
01:48:32.460 --> 01:48:41.220
Tony. Tony's that guy I mentioned, I was like thinking, no, I don't want to do this. But

1757
01:48:42.060 --> 01:48:47.180
I went on a date with him and it was actually pretty good. He's such a gentleman like

1758
01:48:54.400 --> 01:49:01.260
sorry. Oh, shoot. What's up? I muted everybody and thought that I was gonna be like quick to

1759
01:49:01.260 --> 01:49:05.520
quickly unmute you and not miss a word you say, but it didn't work out that way.

1760
01:49:06.220 --> 01:49:12.060
But Tony, I've only missed like three words. Yeah, I mean, it went well. He's such a gentleman

1761
01:49:12.060 --> 01:49:17.480
in a sense. Like he's just such he's so sweet and kind, but to the point where I'm like,

1762
01:49:18.380 --> 01:49:23.160
this is really you, you know, because he has people pleasing tendencies. Like he would not

1763
01:49:23.160 --> 01:49:27.460
let me pay for it. I mean, I like it when a guy pays, but I brought him to a potluck.

1764
01:49:27.460 --> 01:49:32.480
So I wanted to pay for the rotisserie chicken. And he's like, No, I want to pay for you. And

1765
01:49:32.480 --> 01:49:36.860
then he was like, we went to the potluck and he wanted to serve me on the plate. I'm like,

1766
01:49:36.860 --> 01:49:44.180
are you kidding me? Like, so I let him serve me on the plate. Like he put food for me that I

1767
01:49:44.180 --> 01:49:50.500
wanted. Yeah, but it was like, so Mike, so I'm kind of like, I need to check out if this is like

1768
01:49:50.500 --> 01:49:55.340
him being people pleasing or if this is really him, right? Because he has a history of people

1769
01:49:55.340 --> 01:49:57.020
pleasing and codependency.

1770
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:02.100
You know he has a history of people-pleasing and code-appeasing.

1771
01:50:02.100 --> 01:50:03.260
He tells me that.

1772
01:50:04.660 --> 01:50:11.620
Joy, everybody you talk to, you know all this deep stuff after one day and then you keep telling me they tell me.

1773
01:50:11.860 --> 01:50:15.120
Ain't nobody telling you all that stuff. You been digging.

1774
01:50:15.560 --> 01:50:18.480
Okay, I admit. I dug. I dug.

1775
01:50:18.600 --> 01:50:21.420
And so I've been learning from this whole, you know, Zoom.

1776
01:50:21.600 --> 01:50:25.840
I'm like, yep, I did that. Yep, I did that. I need to not do that.

1777
01:50:25.840 --> 01:50:30.440
So I think it's also my fault that like he divulged.

1778
01:50:30.640 --> 01:50:34.620
He's so honest. Like if I ask him something, he'll tell me the blank truth.

1779
01:50:34.620 --> 01:50:40.260
He doesn't like like build like he's so honest and he'll tell me and I'm like, oh wow.

1780
01:50:41.220 --> 01:50:48.200
So yeah, I probably shouldn't ask like deeper probing questions, you know, so I don't get overwhelmed.

1781
01:50:48.900 --> 01:50:58.100
Yes, stop using your skills to get information out of people because you have a skill set to do that and you're going to have to stop.

1782
01:50:59.400 --> 01:51:02.680
Okay, everybody has a way that they learned love.

1783
01:51:03.940 --> 01:51:08.020
Everybody has a way they learn love. You learn love a certain way.

1784
01:51:08.440 --> 01:51:14.320
I learned love a certain way. So somebody's going to come with a way that they learned love. Ain't no way around it.

1785
01:51:16.120 --> 01:51:21.320
And so we cannot label a person because they learn love a certain way.

1786
01:51:21.860 --> 01:51:28.220
Now, the only way that he's pleasing, okay, you said, oh, is he just pleasing and you're going to if he's a pleaser,

1787
01:51:28.340 --> 01:51:33.200
you're going to question everything he does because he's a pleaser and it's going to be hard to tell the difference.

1788
01:51:34.000 --> 01:51:37.400
It's going to be challenging to tell the difference, but you will be able to tell the difference.

1789
01:51:37.400 --> 01:51:43.920
But I want you to know that when a man likes a woman, when he wants a woman, he does things for her.

1790
01:51:44.620 --> 01:51:49.140
And he does a lot of things for her. He becomes the peacock in the yard.

1791
01:51:49.280 --> 01:51:55.740
He pulls up all his feathers and say, look at me. That is what a man does when he likes a woman.

1792
01:51:56.380 --> 01:52:03.640
So you digging right now is going to be real challenging because you'll start picking him apart for being a man.

1793
01:52:04.700 --> 01:52:09.520
He's going to pull back. And you're going to tell him it's because he's a pleaser.

1794
01:52:11.520 --> 01:52:17.640
And that's not going to go well. That man fixed your plate because he wanted to.

1795
01:52:19.460 --> 01:52:24.820
But because you did, you start attributing things and you don't you're not getting to know people.

1796
01:52:27.220 --> 01:52:34.780
Because even if he's a pleaser and you just you guys grow and you like him, he can get help for pleasing.

1797
01:52:35.540 --> 01:52:40.720
I mean, he is an Al-Anon. I mean, I'm proud of him. He's in counseling. He's an Al-Anon.

1798
01:52:43.480 --> 01:52:49.640
And yeah, but he does that. He's kind of doesn't give himself enough credit.

1799
01:52:49.640 --> 01:52:57.880
So I have a tendency where I want to encourage him a lot because he's like, how long have you been knowing him, Joey?

1800
01:52:58.440 --> 01:53:04.740
I know. It's just OK. Give me an example. He goes, I'm a whole answer my question.

1801
01:53:04.780 --> 01:53:07.980
How long have you been knowing him? I haven't known him that long. I met him.

1802
01:53:08.200 --> 01:53:13.160
Well, I like started talking to him last year and then we had a bunch of like, wait a minute.

1803
01:53:13.160 --> 01:53:19.100
Is this the still red flag party? No, no. I blessed and blocked that dude after the call.

1804
01:53:19.360 --> 01:53:22.200
I completely blessed and blocked. OK, OK, go ahead.

1805
01:53:22.680 --> 01:53:31.160
No, this is a chat GPT guy who's like, I was like, how are you so nice?

1806
01:53:32.160 --> 01:53:37.440
And like, anyway, so I met him last year, but it was like we talked so deeply.

1807
01:53:37.440 --> 01:53:41.160
I was like freaked out. He told me all his issues. And I was like, and I dug.

1808
01:53:41.160 --> 01:53:46.420
Sorry, I admit I dug. And then I know you did, you know, too much not to dig.

1809
01:53:46.540 --> 01:53:54.660
You the digger. And then like we saw each other at these Christian single events that I would go to, but we didn't really talk.

1810
01:53:54.660 --> 01:53:58.100
It was like we're miniature golfing. Right. We're not like catching up or anything.

1811
01:53:58.840 --> 01:54:04.940
Not too much. And then so he reached out like this month, a few weeks ago, wanted to talk to me.

1812
01:54:04.980 --> 01:54:08.260
He still likes me and wants to like talk to me. Right.

1813
01:54:08.260 --> 01:54:20.440
So we talked. I don't know. We both. I feel like it's a synergy where like I ask you questions and then he he like he wants to talk and like he wants to be deep, too.

1814
01:54:20.520 --> 01:54:24.120
Like, I don't know. So I'm like, I don't know.

1815
01:54:24.120 --> 01:54:29.420
I anyways, I think my takeaway is don't ask such don't probe, but don't like ask deeper.

1816
01:54:29.560 --> 01:54:35.020
Just be like, oh, interesting. And just be like, all right, whatever. You know, just keep going. Right.

1817
01:54:35.020 --> 01:54:41.540
Yeah. You just say, hey, let's just save these conversations for later. Let's just enjoy getting to know each other.

1818
01:54:42.000 --> 01:54:49.280
You just say, yeah, like, hey, I get it that you have struggles, but I just want to get to know you and you're not your struggles.

1819
01:54:50.560 --> 01:54:57.560
You can just say things like it is not that you guys are deep is that you're not operating in wisdom.

1820
01:54:58.440 --> 01:54:59.940
Wisdom tells you.

1821
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:06.700
That there is a natural organic way to get to know a person in is not being up in their jam

1822
01:55:07.000 --> 01:55:11.880
Before you know their heart or know something about them

1823
01:55:12.840 --> 01:55:14.800
Right, and so it's just wisdom

1824
01:55:15.200 --> 01:55:21.040
That's all it is is wisdom because there's gonna be things that people say it ain't nothing you could do. You're gonna judge him

1825
01:55:21.800 --> 01:55:27.140
He did tell me he didn't feel judged by me. So I'm like, yeah, but you already judge him in his head

1826
01:55:27.140 --> 01:55:32.960
It don't matter what he feel you've made decisions about him. Like you're he don't he don't know no better

1827
01:55:32.960 --> 01:55:37.140
Of course, he don't you like the judgment happens internally

1828
01:55:37.140 --> 01:55:40.140
You ain't gonna say it at your mouth cuz you getting out his information

1829
01:55:40.140 --> 01:55:45.180
So, of course, you want him to keep saying it and you gonna tell you gonna make him feel like you ain't judging him

1830
01:55:45.180 --> 01:55:48.680
Cuz if you made him feel like he was judging me, he was shut down Joey

1831
01:55:49.200 --> 01:55:51.920
Yeah, I know. Okay. I'm gonna change

1832
01:55:52.740 --> 01:55:54.840
These men don't know the ways of women

1833
01:55:55.440 --> 01:55:58.680
Mm-hmm. They don't know the ways of these women

1834
01:55:59.020 --> 01:56:05.120
Yeah, he's not very experienced, which is fine. But yeah, I'll see him in two weeks. I will do better and then

1835
01:56:07.240 --> 01:56:09.920
No, I will I will he's okay

1836
01:56:09.920 --> 01:56:17.260
So then there's this other person that I completely declined because it was very turned off about him talking about work

1837
01:56:17.380 --> 01:56:23.000
so much like he wanted to hear about my testimony and then it became all about his work and

1838
01:56:23.150 --> 01:56:27.090
He tried a couple more times to like ask me to

1839
01:56:27.090 --> 01:56:31.350
To meet up or God to dinner and I just declined, you know

1840
01:56:32.030 --> 01:56:32.590
what

1841
01:56:33.350 --> 01:56:38.870
Because I didn't want to talk about work. I even told him okay, but I don't want to talk about work and he's like fine

1842
01:56:38.870 --> 01:56:41.150
Deal, and then I just didn't do it

1843
01:56:43.370 --> 01:56:45.870
Okay, so Joanne what I

1844
01:56:46.910 --> 01:56:51.490
Know you're gonna tell me don't tell him but now what I'm telling you is

1845
01:56:51.490 --> 01:56:56.010
Sometimes people will hold fast to what they feel their best in

1846
01:56:56.790 --> 01:57:01.970
And that means that he keeps talking about work because maybe he feels the most accomplished in work

1847
01:57:02.010 --> 01:57:08.870
But it doesn't mean that this person is if they feel safe if they have some other things going on that they're not

1848
01:57:08.870 --> 01:57:10.890
They're not good to meet up with

1849
01:57:12.350 --> 01:57:18.790
Because right now that's probably all he knows to talk about but remember you're not you're just you're just discovery

1850
01:57:18.790 --> 01:57:24.010
Just go have the cup of coffee. The person wants to go out with you unless you don't feel safe. There's always my

1851
01:57:25.850 --> 01:57:29.170
So when you say he just keep talking about work and I don't want to talk about work

1852
01:57:29.170 --> 01:57:31.050
So no, I didn't go out to eat with him, but he was okay

1853
01:57:31.050 --> 01:57:33.950
But I just think like even because he keep talking about work. Okay?

1854
01:57:33.990 --> 01:57:39.550
Well, he keeps talking about work. It could be that he takes his identity in work. He does

1855
01:57:40.090 --> 01:57:44.750
Okay, he was he was stressed. He's been laid off for so many years. So he was so stressed and

1856
01:57:45.690 --> 01:57:47.430
There's other things that I was like

1857
01:57:48.690 --> 01:57:55.570
Okay, so there are other things okay, but if there weren't other things I'm just talking on that level and then another thing is

1858
01:57:55.630 --> 01:58:02.130
He knows that women measure me and by their ability to provide for them and a man should be able to provide

1859
01:58:02.130 --> 01:58:07.410
And so if he is self-conscious about that and he's had issue around provision

1860
01:58:07.410 --> 01:58:11.850
He knows that you're gonna need provision and so that could be a thing

1861
01:58:11.850 --> 01:58:16.090
He keep bringing it up because he's insecure about it now, there's some other things

1862
01:58:16.090 --> 01:58:21.610
I can't speak to those things, but I don't know them, but I do want you to consider that and I want you to

1863
01:58:22.170 --> 01:58:28.010
Listen, you gotta stop being so quick to cut people out. I

1864
01:58:28.010 --> 01:58:33.870
Think it's because I was the opposite. I always always give people a chance like a Home Depot guy. Oh

1865
01:58:33.870 --> 01:58:34.750
like so

1866
01:58:35.430 --> 01:58:40.990
And so I'm like, okay do that anymore. So I can't I got you went on the other spectrum where I'm like

1867
01:58:40.990 --> 01:58:41.850
Yeah

1868
01:58:42.670 --> 01:58:49.390
Yes, the pendulum swung all the way over I get it. Okay. Okay, so we I got a little graceful Joey

1869
01:58:49.390 --> 01:58:55.610
I want you to come to the center. I'm trying. I don't I don't yeah, so stop talking about deep stuff

1870
01:58:55.610 --> 01:59:02.810
Hang out on the surface. All you need is just going on a coffee date get to know a person give them space to show

1871
01:59:02.970 --> 01:59:03.530
themselves

1872
01:59:04.330 --> 01:59:06.630
But what if I don't like how they show themselves?

1873
01:59:08.250 --> 01:59:10.770
Well, you know it if you just give it time

1874
01:59:10.990 --> 01:59:17.070
How much if you don't because if you don't think group situations were group friends and I'm like some of it

1875
01:59:17.070 --> 01:59:18.950
I'm attracted to some of it. Yeah

1876
01:59:19.390 --> 01:59:21.870
Well, you're gonna give them time to show themselves

1877
01:59:21.870 --> 01:59:26.510
You just it's just a week, you know talk to him once or twice two or three times

1878
01:59:26.510 --> 01:59:31.070
Don't talk every day and stop talking so long talk a few minutes talk more on the coffee date

1879
01:59:31.650 --> 01:59:36.730
So you think it's okay that I initiate it because he tried so many times tried a couple of times I declined

1880
01:59:36.730 --> 01:59:40.650
So he think yeah, just follow back up and like hey, I think I'm ready for us to go hang out

1881
01:59:40.650 --> 01:59:41.630
Okay

1882
01:59:43.690 --> 01:59:45.730
All right, let us know how it goes

1883
01:59:47.670 --> 01:59:48.990
Okay, okay

1884
01:59:49.930 --> 01:59:56.150
All right. All right. Okay, even though I have other concerns like spiritually. Oh

1885
01:59:56.150 --> 01:59:59.970
Well, can you put before you say that to him? Can you put?

1886
02:00:01.200 --> 02:00:02.500
No, no, no, no, no.

1887
02:00:02.500 --> 02:00:05.640
Before you tell me you want to go on a date, it's 9 o'clock.

1888
02:00:05.760 --> 02:00:06.480
So we got to go.

1889
02:00:06.580 --> 02:00:09.320
But can you post for me on the wall what the other concerns

1890
02:00:09.320 --> 02:00:11.300
are, like put it in ex-coach.

1891
02:00:11.640 --> 02:00:12.840
Post it for me so I can look at it,

1892
02:00:12.840 --> 02:00:14.100
because I really do want to look at it.

1893
02:00:14.300 --> 02:00:16.640
I don't believe that you're a woman without wisdom.

1894
02:00:16.840 --> 02:00:18.560
And so I value what you share.

1895
02:00:18.860 --> 02:00:21.360
And so I really want to know those concerns that you have,

1896
02:00:21.440 --> 02:00:22.820
because you're not making things up.

1897
02:00:22.820 --> 02:00:24.500
And I don't think that about you at all.

1898
02:00:24.640 --> 02:00:26.460
And so what you share is valid.

1899
02:00:27.180 --> 02:00:28.120
OK, thank you.

1900
02:00:28.120 --> 02:00:30.540
And so before you do that, I want to hear it.

1901
02:00:30.380 --> 02:00:31.640
OK, thank you.

1902
02:00:32.240 --> 02:00:32.940
You're welcome.

1903
02:00:34.160 --> 02:00:36.420
OK, well, thank you, ladies, for hanging in there.

1904
02:00:36.600 --> 02:00:37.360
I hope y'all have a good night.

1905
02:00:37.500 --> 02:00:38.860
I think Audrey is the only person

1906
02:00:38.860 --> 02:00:39.880
that thought you was funny.

1907
02:00:40.380 --> 02:00:41.260
Audrey laughed just like me.

1908
02:00:41.260 --> 02:00:43.800
Every time you said stuff, we would bust out laughing, Joanne.

1909
02:00:43.820 --> 02:00:44.660
So you are funny.

1910
02:00:44.920 --> 02:00:47.280
But ladies, you were amazing, yes.

1911
02:00:47.320 --> 02:00:49.620
And I hope to see y'all next week.

1912
02:00:49.900 --> 02:00:52.000
And post whatever you got to tell me, because I

1913
02:00:52.000 --> 02:00:53.080
want to hear all about it, OK?

1914
02:00:53.740 --> 02:00:54.700
Thank you so much.

1915
02:00:54.760 --> 02:00:55.320
Have a great night.

1916
02:00:55.420 --> 02:00:55.820
Thank you.

1917
02:00:55.820 --> 02:00:56.140
Thank you.

1918
02:00:56.740 --> 02:00:57.640
Thanks, Ebony.

1919
02:00:57.900 --> 02:00:58.520
Thank you.

1920
02:00:59.460 --> 02:01:00.480
Good night, everyone.

1921
02:01:01.500 --> 02:01:02.740
We appreciate you, Ebony.

1922
02:01:03.620 --> 02:01:05.060
Oh, you're welcome.