WEBVTT

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All right, let's pray, Father God, I thank you for this night, I thank you for the opportunity

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to fellowship together.

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We thank you, Lord God, for kingdom solutions to everything that we have going on.

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Nobody knows the heart like you, oh God.

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And so I thank you, Lord God, for specialized answers, for specialized hearts.

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In Jesus name, amen.

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All right, I see Brandy came in the room, the other Laura came in the room.

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It's so good to see you ladies, iPhone 13, Anita's in the room.

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So good to see you, hey, hey, hey.

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So I don't have any announcements to make.

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I hope, hey, Felicia, it's September now, but I hope to see some of you guys at the

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50th, at the five year anniversary.

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You should hear them, it's good, you'll appreciate it.

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I don't know if any of you guys are going or coming to Austin for it, but-

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I would like to, but I didn't, I saw something about it, and then it wasn't in the events

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piece anymore.

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So I don't have any, but I'm definitely, because I'm close enough that I want to come.

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Where are you?

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In Houston.

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Oh, yes, honey.

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I like Houston, it has a special spot in my heart, I come go to Rigg Global Church there.

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Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I live about 10 minutes from Rigg.

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Oh, wow, okay, okay, I try to get to the Apostle Arrival Church any time I can.

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Yeah, yeah, he's good, but yeah, are we going to get invitations or more information?

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Because just know that for sure, I'm definitely wanting to come.

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It's on her website, those tickets are on Jackie's website.

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So like, whatever, JackieDorman.com or her main website, and then you click on like the

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menu or something, and it's going to pop up, you can get the event tickets there.

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Okay.

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Are there any, I guess, are there still some available?

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Yes, for the, should be for the anniversary party this Sunday, mm-hmm.

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Okay.

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Yeah, so it'll be good.

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I hope to meet all of you, whoever comes, it'll be great.

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So we're going to jump right in, just a reminder, ladies, you know, we don't post anything from

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outside sources.

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If we want to post something, we want to get admin's approval before we do that.

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And the reason why we do that is because we want to make sure that everything we post,

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someone just put it in the chat for you, Stephanie put it in the chat for you, Shante, we want

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to make sure that everything we post is safe for the community.

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But other than that, I don't have any announcements and we can get started.

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I want to make our time tonight.

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So who has something?

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It doesn't have, and for those who, I'm going to start with you, Kim, and for those who

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are new, I am Ebony, I'm here, I'm a third grade teacher.

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I was in the program probably about three, I keep saying three and in a little while

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the clock going to change on me.

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So I probably was in the program about three years ago, and this phase was one of my most

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favorite phases.

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I mean, all of it is so good, but Dating Changed Me, it really brought a full circle to the

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heart healing and growing and all the things that I learned, Dating Changed Me.

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So I just encourage you to dive in.

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I know it's scary.

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It was just as scary for me.

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But Jackie was my coach at the time, so we didn't have all these coaches.

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And she was the coach.

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And so, you know, she comes through the strong and she's like, dang it, just go on the date.

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Just go on the date.

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And she was right.

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Like, you need somebody to push you like, look, just go.

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And when you go on the first one, it's just something, I'm telling you, something happens.

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Something opens up in you.

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And so I just want you guys to know that we're so excited to walk with you and do this journey

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with you.

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It is exciting.

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I encourage you to get everything you can get while you're on it, because truth be told,

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I know that you want a husband, but once you say I do, we pray that it will be forever.

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And so enjoy this time in this season where you get to grow in capacity and in preparation

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for your marriage, because marriage does make us more holy than it makes us happy.

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I've been married before, I am divorced, but even in that experience, I learned that there's

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a difference.

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And when you're single, you can't see it.

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But this is the time of equipping, because the marriage is sure to come.

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You just, it just hasn't manifested yet.

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But there's nothing worse than being in a marriage and not being equipped to even process

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emotions and not know how to communicate, to sit down at the table, to come in with

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a lot of lack of grace, ability to not forgive because your heart is so hardened, you know,

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with the perception not able to.

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all those wonderful things that you learn in dating,

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it still shows up the same.

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So be encouraged.

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Let's go Kim.

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So just an update.

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So my very first experience, I was afraid to jump in.

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I was one of those.

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And when I finally did my very first experience,

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I got very excited about, and I got ghosted.

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And then I was like, okay, I can't do this.

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I just can't do it.

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And then, but anyway, I persevered, the Lord helped me,

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and I got back out there again.

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So I had a date with a guy for coffee.

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That went well.

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And I found out that we went to the same grade school,

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which was really bizarre.

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And then said something about a bike date,

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but then it didn't happen.

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And then I went out of town.

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So when I came back,

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we ended up having the bike date last Friday.

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And it was great.

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He brought the bike for me, like a bike for me,

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which was really nice.

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And we rode, but at one point we were side by side,

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but he rides bikes all the time.

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And he just said, it's kind of hard to talk,

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which it is because of the wind and stuff.

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So he kind of like took off.

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So we never rode side by side.

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He was always in front of me.

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And I was kind of like, I don't know about this,

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but probably I'm not, I was having trouble keeping up.

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But anyway, so we had the bike date and then we,

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he took a path and we saw this car race thing

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where these guys race these cars.

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And like, there was a mention of like,

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how much do these cars cost to some guy?

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And I think they're like $2,000.

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And I said, oh, I'd much rather spend that on a trip.

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And he goes, where are we going?

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And I was like, I don't know.

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I'm not ready to go on a trip with you yet,

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but you know, I don't know.

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So anyway, and then that stopped.

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So then we finished the bike ride

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and we had to hit this big hill and I made it up.

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I was so proud of myself because I made it up that hill.

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And, but I was kind of out of breath.

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And then he was putting the bikes back on.

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And I kind of thought this was like a 2.30 in the afternoon.

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I kind of thought he'd asked me to go have like a soda

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or something afterwards.

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Cause we never really got to talk.

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And then he just said, yeah, well, I'm going to take off.

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And I'm like, okay.

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But he did ask me, he goes, are you doing it?

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Or he goes, what are you doing tonight or something?

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And I thought, well, maybe he's going to ask me

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to dinner or something.

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And I said, well, what day is it?

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Cause you know, I'm retired.

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And I, so it was like, oh yeah, it's Friday.

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And I looked at my calendar and go,

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actually I don't have anything going.

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Cause I didn't normally, I do have things going,

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but I didn't.

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And then he didn't say anything.

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So I was like, well, okay.

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So then we went to say goodbye and I was like,

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I went to hug him and like to give him a hug.

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And it was kind of an awkward, like he turned

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and it was kind of like one of those sideward,

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sideways, awkward hug.

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It was very awkward.

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And I thought, well, maybe afterwards when I left,

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I thought, well, maybe he was sweaty

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and he didn't want me to, I don't know.

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But anyway, it was just kind of awkward.

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And then I walked to my car.

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He didn't really walk me to my car, which that's fine.

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And then I left and then I had a weird feeling,

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like, I don't know, like,

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and then I didn't hear from him Saturday.

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Well, he knew I had to work Saturday.

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I didn't hear from him Saturday,

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didn't hear from him Sunday.

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And then I started getting that feeling like,

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uh-oh, here we go, I'm gonna get ghosted again.

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And then, so I texted him, which I didn't know.

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And I just said, hey, thanks again for the bike date.

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It was really fun.

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I really appreciate that you packed up the two bikes

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and brought them.

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And I said something like, I hope, you know,

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I don't know, what did I say?

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Oh, I also, I said, I also wanted to let you know,

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we talked about the blood moon or the lunar eclipse,

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but I said, it's not gonna be visible in North America.

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So I said, you probably already figured that out,

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but I said, so it's kind of disappointing.

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And I sent that Sunday night and then didn't hear from him.

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And then yesterday he sends me a picture of the blood moon,

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just a picture, doesn't even respond to what I texted,

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sends a picture of the blood moon and then says,

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go outside and look at the blood moon.

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And I'm like, what?

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And then sent me another picture, a larger picture.

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And then he says, I'm home now.

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And I'm like, that's just weird to me.

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So he didn't respond to anything I said

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about the bike thing.

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I've noticed that he doesn't really ask me

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a whole lot about myself.

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So now I'm starting to think, you know,

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there's something off here.

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But then I realized maybe he was making it look like

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he went to Africa or Asia or Europe to go see the blood moon

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and he's saying he's home now

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and that's why he didn't call me or talk to me.

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And then I just said, ha ha.

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I just put ha ha on it.

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And I don't think I'm gonna text him again

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if he reaches out and asks me on a date, great.

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But if he doesn't, I just think I'm not gonna do it.

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Does that seem right?

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Right, did he make mention that he was going out of town to see the blood moon?

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But the blood moon was in Africa.

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Well, the blood moon was only visible from Africa, Asia, and Europe.

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I know he didn't go there for the weekend.

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Do you think it was visible in his home?

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What is his home?

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He lives right, like in the same, like, community that I live in.

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It wasn't visible.

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Okay.

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I don't know.

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Maybe, maybe.

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I don't want to make it about the blood moon.

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What I was trying to do was, I was trying to track down...

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I just saw Anita laugh and Sarah laugh, and I was like, yeah.

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I know it looked like I was chasing the blood moon, but I wasn't.

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This is what I was going after.

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I was wondering what you said about when he says,

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I'm at home now, was he trying to show you, like, I'm at home and look at the moon.

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So it did show here because you messaged him, was like,

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well, you know, it's only going to be in these places.

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And so I was wondering, did he read what you said and was like, oh,

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but it is here and I'm at home and let me show you the picture.

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And so that's why I asked.

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Yeah.

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I agree with you Kim. This man got us confused.

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I mean, he didn't even address me.

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I mean, he could have said, oh, my pleasure on the bike thing.

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I mean, I was saying thank you again and doing all that.

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He didn't even respond to that at all. Like, I don't know.

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Well, he couldn't respond. Me and our...

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It's not that I'm trying to make an excuse for a man.

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I don't put much weight on the fact that he didn't respond to those things.

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I think he just reads up and be like, oh, okay.

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Like, it's just like an okay in their mind,

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especially if they're not used to doing this type of conversation back and forth.

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So it could be just cut and dry with a man.

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00:12:01.520 --> 00:12:03.200
And so I don't want to put a lot of weight on that.

244
00:12:03.220 --> 00:12:08.000
But what I will put some weight on is you allowing him to reach back out to you

245
00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:12.300
because you have reached out to him and you have made yourself available to him

246
00:12:12.300 --> 00:12:17.100
and he knows that you're available or at least interested in going on another date with him.

247
00:12:17.100 --> 00:12:19.380
Right. Right. Right.

248
00:12:19.380 --> 00:12:21.400
Yeah, I was willing to give it another try.

249
00:12:21.520 --> 00:12:25.920
Like I said, we just haven't had a chance to really sit down like and talk.

250
00:12:26.040 --> 00:12:28.580
I mean, at the coffee date we did, but it was just an hour

251
00:12:28.800 --> 00:12:33.300
and we had just met and we kind of talked a lot about where we grew up in that area.

252
00:12:33.380 --> 00:12:34.820
We didn't really get to know each other.

253
00:12:34.920 --> 00:12:36.720
I don't really feel like I know the guy very well.

254
00:12:37.160 --> 00:12:40.820
Yeah. Now, one thing you can do,

255
00:12:40.820 --> 00:12:44.140
you know, I'm not telling you you have to do it.

256
00:12:44.440 --> 00:12:48.480
If you want to, if you want to like shut the book on it,

257
00:12:48.480 --> 00:12:52.800
if you just really want to know you can reach out and say, hey, I enjoyed our time together.

258
00:12:52.800 --> 00:12:57.520
I would like to get to know you more. And so whenever you want to do another,

259
00:12:57.780 --> 00:13:02.740
you know, if you want to do another date in the near future, I would enjoy that.

260
00:13:02.940 --> 00:13:06.120
The ball is still in his court. You did express yourself.

261
00:13:06.120 --> 00:13:12.220
So you do know if he doesn't respond to that, you have your final answer, right?

262
00:13:12.220 --> 00:13:18.840
That's true. So if you want to stop there and I would word it very intentional the way I said it don't leave space

263
00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:22.220
for what he could have thought that when I said no, no, no, don't leave no space.

264
00:13:23.300 --> 00:13:27.740
I enjoyed our time together. I'm very I'm interested in getting to know you more.

265
00:13:28.260 --> 00:13:31.680
If you if you would like in the near future,

266
00:13:31.680 --> 00:13:35.860
I say near because he called you two weeks from the three weeks a month from now.

267
00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:40.160
Oh, no, he clocked been passed up. And so, you know, if you want to,

268
00:13:40.380 --> 00:13:42.860
if you want to, you know, do something in the next couple of weeks,

269
00:13:43.380 --> 00:13:47.260
let me know and we can we can try to make that happen.

270
00:13:47.300 --> 00:13:51.460
So you can even put like a timeline on the next week or next couple of weeks or something like that.

271
00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:56.040
Okay. All right. Well then and then just really quick. I had a lunch date today.

272
00:13:56.040 --> 00:13:58.380
So I did have a lunch date today. So now I'm on day three.

273
00:13:58.380 --> 00:14:03.520
So I'm working towards my seven and but then

274
00:14:03.520 --> 00:14:07.880
and I really like this guy and I really had a good time and he was adorable.

275
00:14:07.940 --> 00:14:12.740
But there's the only problem with this one is he convinced well, he he's very young at heart,

276
00:14:12.740 --> 00:14:17.100
but okay, so he's like 12 years older than I am

277
00:14:18.260 --> 00:14:23.600
and I just wish he was younger because everything he you know,

278
00:14:23.600 --> 00:14:26.520
he's a good Christian man. I we he was so intentional.

279
00:14:26.660 --> 00:14:30.440
He was getting to know me. It was just a really lovely lunch.

280
00:14:31.480 --> 00:14:35.920
Very chivalrous just all the things that I am looking for

281
00:14:36.540 --> 00:14:39.020
and up to this point and it was only a lunch

282
00:14:39.480 --> 00:14:42.120
but but anyway, but he's quite a bit older than me

283
00:14:42.120 --> 00:14:46.300
and I'm I'm no spring chicken either like I'm getting ready to have a big birthday

284
00:14:48.300 --> 00:14:50.900
and I just think you know,

285
00:14:50.900 --> 00:14:53.020
well, I was thinking well, we have a lot of time

286
00:14:53.020 --> 00:14:55.660
and we even talked about it and I said, but then again,

287
00:14:55.780 --> 00:14:59.240
I mean anybody you know, we never know when our when God has our number

288
00:14:59.240 --> 00:14:59.980
and when we're going.

289
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.060
ago. So does it really matter if we're connecting on the heart? You know, I don't know, but

290
00:15:06.060 --> 00:15:10.820
how old are you? Well, I'm turning 70 a week from Saturday, a week from Friday. Yeah. We

291
00:15:10.820 --> 00:15:18.080
from Saturday. He's 81. He's 82. 82. And you say he's young. He's very young. I'm going

292
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:22.040
to tell you right now, I've been either seriously and girls, when I look at these men on this

293
00:15:22.040 --> 00:15:26.000
dating site, like the people, the men that are in my age range, I am young at heart for

294
00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:32.580
my age. And I look younger than I am. I have good genes, I guess, but I, and I'm very active.

295
00:15:32.860 --> 00:15:37.040
And this guy is too. I could tell that he looks better than most of the guys in my age

296
00:15:37.040 --> 00:15:42.160
range that I'm seeing on Facebook. Like the guys I'm seeing have these big gray beards.

297
00:15:42.400 --> 00:15:47.160
They've got hair coming out of their nose. I'm not, and I'm not trying to be, I'm not

298
00:15:47.160 --> 00:15:52.000
trying to be rude because they might be, they might have a really good heart. And then maybe

299
00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:55.020
they just need some help. They just don't have a woman in their life. I don't know,

300
00:15:55.020 --> 00:16:01.840
but you look at them and you're like, Oh no, no, I can't. I just can't. And then I feel

301
00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:06.320
bad for judging them, but you know, what are you going to do? I don't know. You have to

302
00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:08.460
have some attraction there. And they're just like, no.

303
00:16:09.700 --> 00:16:14.220
Yeah. Some things, some things are workable. Some things are not. You, sometimes you have

304
00:16:14.220 --> 00:16:18.560
to meet a person, discover what's workable. I mean, people can get their teeth clean.

305
00:16:19.060 --> 00:16:23.260
People can get hair cut out of their ears. They can take care of the hair in their nose.

306
00:16:23.260 --> 00:16:28.100
You know, if they got some good bones, I have dated somebody and I told him, I was like,

307
00:16:28.760 --> 00:16:33.320
look, you're going to have to get that hair out your ears and out your nose. If we're

308
00:16:33.320 --> 00:16:38.040
going to keep talking, this ain't going to work. You got boogers, it's sticking, all

309
00:16:38.040 --> 00:16:42.620
stuff gets stuck because all that hair in your nose, you're too young for that. And I

310
00:16:42.620 --> 00:16:46.840
said, I'm just telling you from a sister in Christ to a brother in Christ, they're not

311
00:16:46.840 --> 00:16:51.660
going to work. You need to go let these people, they do it at the barber shop. Baby, he want

312
00:16:51.660 --> 00:16:59.440
to clean this stuff up. I see you looking better already, brother. So yeah, you really

313
00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:04.800
can say those things, huh? You really can say those things. I really can. And I really

314
00:17:06.819 --> 00:17:10.500
say if I feel like they got some potential and I feel like it's something that I'm going

315
00:17:10.500 --> 00:17:16.060
to invest some of me in, then I'll say, Hey, can I talk to you as a sister in Christ? Can

316
00:17:16.060 --> 00:17:20.300
I just come to you on another level? We're getting to know each other, but I know that

317
00:17:20.300 --> 00:17:24.020
you're in the field dating. And so I want to tell you something about what women are

318
00:17:24.020 --> 00:17:27.260
looking for. Men usually don't take care of themselves unless they have a wife in their

319
00:17:27.260 --> 00:17:31.340
life. Well, you don't have that, but I can see that you got good bones and you're an

320
00:17:31.340 --> 00:17:37.180
attractive man. I just want to share this with you. And then there you go. And so it's

321
00:17:37.180 --> 00:17:43.280
the posture that we take. And it's not a posture, do this for me. I know I told him, I was like,

322
00:17:43.320 --> 00:17:48.180
well, you're going to hang out with me. But I did have that conversation with him, right?

323
00:17:48.180 --> 00:17:53.200
So I changed my posture. Like you don't, you're not pleasing me. This is for the betterment of

324
00:17:54.520 --> 00:18:01.680
you. I give you, if you want to, you know, so Kim, I say, keep talking to the 81 year old,

325
00:18:01.800 --> 00:18:07.340
just to see if you want to, like, that's not going to cause you, I really do want to see him

326
00:18:07.340 --> 00:18:11.180
again. And he's, and he made it very clear. And he says, Kim, I really, I really want to see you

327
00:18:11.180 --> 00:18:15.940
again. I mean, he, you know, he's saying that he says, I really liked you and I'm looking forward

328
00:18:15.940 --> 00:18:22.580
to seeing you again. So, yeah, it was good. I mean, I, you know, I just don't want to, you know,

329
00:18:23.040 --> 00:18:28.580
if, if I decide that he is like, it's too, too old. I mean, I have a lot of things I want to do

330
00:18:28.580 --> 00:18:32.880
with the next 10 years, but then he might be able to do it. I don't know. He's pretty active. So

331
00:18:32.900 --> 00:18:35.460
well, just think about when you aided one, he'd be an animal.

332
00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:41.480
I know. I know. And I don't, like I said, I'm, I'm at, you know, you all are so young on here.

333
00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:45.140
I like I'm on, you know, and there are some other ones in here too, that are seniors, but

334
00:18:45.960 --> 00:18:52.120
senior dating is just. Yeah. And you don't, you don't want to be a widow in five years. I mean,

335
00:18:52.120 --> 00:18:55.720
who get married for that? Then you're going to be back on here talking about you trying to, you

336
00:18:55.740 --> 00:19:04.400
know, you want some longevity, but okay. All right, Kim. Thank you. You're welcome. Heaven.

337
00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:10.260
Hi, can you hear me? Yes.

338
00:19:10.260 --> 00:19:14.260
We can hear you. Hello. This is my first time talking to you. I can't believe it.

339
00:19:15.740 --> 00:19:19.380
Yeah, it is useless on the, on the community. Wow.

340
00:19:20.140 --> 00:19:23.660
I know. It's usually because I don't have a pressing question. So I just like to listen in

341
00:19:23.660 --> 00:19:27.900
and see what everyone else is saying. And then I did share my updates in the app, but I do have

342
00:19:27.900 --> 00:19:33.740
a question today. So as you might remember, I've been talking to this guy miles for the past,

343
00:19:33.820 --> 00:19:38.080
I think a few months it's been. And we just finally had the conversation about faith because

344
00:19:38.080 --> 00:19:45.340
he put agnostic on his profile. And it turns out he's not really agnostic at all. It's his,

345
00:19:46.100 --> 00:19:53.840
what he is, is not, I wouldn't describe it as agnostic. He just left a Christian community

346
00:19:53.840 --> 00:19:59.360
and just hasn't found another one. That's essentially what's been the deal with him.

347
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.020
It's like, oh, that's not what agnostic is,

348
00:20:04.240 --> 00:20:06.160
at least based on the Google definition that I had.

349
00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:09.160
But anyway, so that was one of the things

350
00:20:09.160 --> 00:20:11.180
that I was wondering about with him.

351
00:20:11.420 --> 00:20:14.800
But the other thing is, since it hasn't come up yet,

352
00:20:15.040 --> 00:20:17.620
but no one's talked about like,

353
00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:20.540
if they're dating like other people,

354
00:20:20.620 --> 00:20:21.160
you know what I'm saying?

355
00:20:21.160 --> 00:20:23.340
Like we haven't talked about exclusivity at all,

356
00:20:23.380 --> 00:20:25.100
but I was just wondering like,

357
00:20:25.120 --> 00:20:28.120
should I say that I'm still getting to know other people?

358
00:20:28.120 --> 00:20:30.700
Because I know that sometimes the guy will ask,

359
00:20:30.800 --> 00:20:33.600
but he hasn't, and I didn't want to be like,

360
00:20:34.220 --> 00:20:35.980
by the way, if it's not necessary.

361
00:20:36.300 --> 00:20:38.180
So I was wondering like, it's been two months,

362
00:20:38.300 --> 00:20:39.840
no one's said anything about it.

363
00:20:39.860 --> 00:20:41.380
So I wasn't sure if there was like a,

364
00:20:41.820 --> 00:20:43.780
should I just be like upfront about it

365
00:20:43.780 --> 00:20:46.180
or just let it be what it is?

366
00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:50.100
Yeah, no, you know, I would encourage you

367
00:20:50.100 --> 00:20:51.360
not to mention that,

368
00:20:51.460 --> 00:20:54.100
that everything has nothing to do with anything.

369
00:20:54.560 --> 00:20:54.980
Okay.

370
00:20:56.060 --> 00:20:57.320
And y'all are at two months.

371
00:20:57.320 --> 00:20:58.380
Are you at the beginning of two months

372
00:20:58.380 --> 00:20:59.960
or two months, almost three months?

373
00:21:01.240 --> 00:21:02.920
By the end of this month, it'll be three.

374
00:21:03.760 --> 00:21:04.000
Okay.

375
00:21:06.340 --> 00:21:09.180
Well, some conversations are going to have to be had.

376
00:21:10.100 --> 00:21:12.040
You don't need to bring those conversations up,

377
00:21:12.100 --> 00:21:13.240
but I just want to,

378
00:21:13.240 --> 00:21:15.860
I want to leer you against going into four months

379
00:21:15.860 --> 00:21:17.100
and there no,

380
00:21:18.760 --> 00:21:21.180
I mean, if you want to go somewhere with this guy

381
00:21:21.180 --> 00:21:22.900
and if you don't want anything with him,

382
00:21:23.020 --> 00:21:25.140
but after, you know,

383
00:21:25.140 --> 00:21:27.340
cause the three and a half months, four months,

384
00:21:27.880 --> 00:21:29.960
then a conversation is going to need to be had

385
00:21:29.960 --> 00:21:31.080
because I'm going to be concerned

386
00:21:31.080 --> 00:21:34.440
that you are emotionally involved probably already

387
00:21:34.440 --> 00:21:35.520
depending on how much you talk to him,

388
00:21:35.520 --> 00:21:37.300
how much time you spend with him.

389
00:21:37.420 --> 00:21:37.900
Yeah.

390
00:21:37.900 --> 00:21:40.860
And we're going to have our third in-person date next week.

391
00:21:41.040 --> 00:21:43.760
So we've got three or so video dates as well.

392
00:21:43.860 --> 00:21:48.120
So it's like up to six, but only two in-person so far.

393
00:21:48.460 --> 00:21:48.960
Cause it looks like-

394
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:49.980
Well, that makes a difference.

395
00:21:50.120 --> 00:21:50.600
Yeah.

396
00:21:50.980 --> 00:21:52.460
Yeah, that makes a difference.

397
00:21:52.760 --> 00:21:54.240
In-person dates make a difference.

398
00:21:54.800 --> 00:21:56.640
So it's only been two in-person

399
00:21:57.280 --> 00:21:59.220
and the third one's next week.

400
00:21:59.240 --> 00:22:01.200
And so just because of our distance

401
00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:02.540
and he works on the weekends,

402
00:22:02.720 --> 00:22:04.880
so it kind of makes it a little slower.

403
00:22:05.580 --> 00:22:09.920
So I don't know how to like push any conversation

404
00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:11.480
cause I like him, he's a nice guy,

405
00:22:11.560 --> 00:22:15.440
but I don't necessarily like have like a super invested,

406
00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:18.060
like, oh, I definitely want this to go further.

407
00:22:18.180 --> 00:22:20.740
Like if it does, and we get to that conversation,

408
00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:23.540
I will totally be welcome to having it,

409
00:22:23.540 --> 00:22:25.740
but I don't know like what type of conversations

410
00:22:25.740 --> 00:22:28.160
we should be having now without,

411
00:22:28.400 --> 00:22:31.060
cause it's just like slow moving is what it feels like.

412
00:22:31.220 --> 00:22:31.660
Yeah.

413
00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:33.920
Now you don't have to have any conversations.

414
00:22:34.080 --> 00:22:35.720
I said we get to three months

415
00:22:35.860 --> 00:22:39.800
and you look like we open three with 90 days.

416
00:22:39.960 --> 00:22:41.800
So if you go into a hundred days

417
00:22:41.820 --> 00:22:44.080
and then you go up to 120 days,

418
00:22:44.740 --> 00:22:47.800
we get to whatever come after that.

419
00:22:47.880 --> 00:22:49.480
And if it's four months,

420
00:22:49.700 --> 00:22:52.440
it's well over enough time to ask a question.

421
00:22:52.440 --> 00:22:53.080
And it's like, well,

422
00:22:53.120 --> 00:22:55.980
we've been talking now for about three and a half months.

423
00:22:56.800 --> 00:22:59.120
And I'm just wondering, are you marriage minded?

424
00:23:00.280 --> 00:23:00.580
Yeah.

425
00:23:01.480 --> 00:23:02.500
Something like that,

426
00:23:02.500 --> 00:23:04.760
or where do you see this relationship going?

427
00:23:04.820 --> 00:23:06.900
That's not the conversation I want you to have.

428
00:23:07.120 --> 00:23:08.480
That's what we should lead in.

429
00:23:08.560 --> 00:23:11.140
We always encourage that the man leads in this conversation

430
00:23:12.040 --> 00:23:14.400
for the mere fact that it's not being led

431
00:23:14.740 --> 00:23:16.660
into say something, right?

432
00:23:17.520 --> 00:23:19.720
So, but you're not there yet,

433
00:23:19.960 --> 00:23:21.920
but at three months when you're almost there

434
00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:23.940
and you get halfway to the fourth month,

435
00:23:24.420 --> 00:23:25.860
something's gonna have to be brought up.

436
00:23:25.900 --> 00:23:27.440
Not, I want a relationship with you.

437
00:23:27.620 --> 00:23:29.460
You're not trying to get him

438
00:23:29.460 --> 00:23:30.700
to be in a relationship with you.

439
00:23:30.920 --> 00:23:32.880
You're trying to understand what's happening

440
00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:35.260
so you can position yourself rightly.

441
00:23:35.840 --> 00:23:36.400
Yeah.

442
00:23:36.700 --> 00:23:38.760
Meaning position your heart rightly.

443
00:23:40.900 --> 00:23:45.680
So you won't have any undue or unjust hardships.

444
00:23:45.800 --> 00:23:47.460
There's no reason for it.

445
00:23:47.380 --> 00:23:48.980
Yeah, that makes sense.

446
00:23:49.040 --> 00:23:50.180
And he's the only person

447
00:23:50.180 --> 00:23:53.520
that I've successfully been on an in-person date with so far.

448
00:23:53.740 --> 00:23:56.080
Like I've had plans with other ones,

449
00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:57.680
but they either haven't worked.

450
00:23:57.920 --> 00:23:59.320
Like so many of these schedulings

451
00:23:59.320 --> 00:24:01.840
that we're both just like, okay, this just isn't.

452
00:24:02.200 --> 00:24:03.680
So it's like, she's the only one

453
00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:05.200
that I've had in-person dates with

454
00:24:05.260 --> 00:24:06.900
that I've talked to other people

455
00:24:06.900 --> 00:24:08.520
and like said that these things haven't worked yet.

456
00:24:08.540 --> 00:24:10.900
And I'm like, man, this is slow moving.

457
00:24:11.040 --> 00:24:13.080
The other ones aren't like going,

458
00:24:13.440 --> 00:24:16.720
like actually in person, just like kind of,

459
00:24:16.940 --> 00:24:18.260
it feels, I don't feel stuck,

460
00:24:18.260 --> 00:24:20.360
but I also kind of do if that makes sense.

461
00:24:20.820 --> 00:24:21.000
Really?

462
00:24:21.080 --> 00:24:25.440
Like I can't get past in-person dates with other people.

463
00:24:25.760 --> 00:24:26.280
It's like him.

464
00:24:26.280 --> 00:24:28.600
And I don't, it's not like a just him settling type.

465
00:24:28.700 --> 00:24:30.360
It's just, he's the only one

466
00:24:30.600 --> 00:24:33.260
that I've had like consistent dates with so far.

467
00:24:33.380 --> 00:24:35.460
So it's just like, I was trying

468
00:24:36.440 --> 00:24:38.760
and I know I need to be more consistent

469
00:24:38.760 --> 00:24:40.100
on like the asking things.

470
00:24:40.100 --> 00:24:42.060
And I know that's partially my problem

471
00:24:42.060 --> 00:24:43.140
because I've just been so busy,

472
00:24:43.360 --> 00:24:45.520
but yeah, it's just a weird time.

473
00:24:46.240 --> 00:24:48.260
Yeah, well, you're not stuck.

474
00:24:49.100 --> 00:24:51.100
It's just that you've been able to go

475
00:24:51.100 --> 00:24:52.660
on successful dates with this young man.

476
00:24:52.780 --> 00:24:54.480
I think it just is that.

477
00:24:54.780 --> 00:24:54.920
Yeah.

478
00:24:54.920 --> 00:24:56.040
It's nothing more than that.

479
00:24:56.160 --> 00:24:58.440
And another thing that's very comforting

480
00:24:58.440 --> 00:24:59.980
that can be comfortable when

481
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.080
You get that one person that they're for sure.

482
00:25:02.260 --> 00:25:02.820
We don't talk.

483
00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:04.300
We got our set up time when we talk.

484
00:25:04.600 --> 00:25:05.960
And he do want to go on a date.

485
00:25:05.960 --> 00:25:08.040
So that tells you he is interested because he

486
00:25:08.040 --> 00:25:09.040
does want to go on a date.

487
00:25:09.140 --> 00:25:10.860
And he's just a sure shot.

488
00:25:11.220 --> 00:25:13.320
In some ways, there's comfort in that

489
00:25:13.320 --> 00:25:18.060
slows you down from a stronger pursuit of something else.

490
00:25:18.380 --> 00:25:19.760
That is very natural.

491
00:25:20.140 --> 00:25:22.800
That's a natural occurring thing within a person.

492
00:25:24.780 --> 00:25:28.860
So I just don't want you to read into more than what it is.

493
00:25:28.860 --> 00:25:30.260
It's not something about you.

494
00:25:30.260 --> 00:25:31.260
You're not stuck.

495
00:25:31.420 --> 00:25:32.440
You're not any of those things.

496
00:25:32.500 --> 00:25:34.580
If a great guy came along tomorrow and you met him

497
00:25:34.580 --> 00:25:35.660
and he said, let's go on a date, you

498
00:25:35.660 --> 00:25:37.760
will go on a date with him.

499
00:25:38.080 --> 00:25:43.340
And so don't let your mind take you there.

500
00:25:44.240 --> 00:25:48.120
And so, yeah, it's paced.

501
00:25:48.380 --> 00:25:49.700
You're getting to know him.

502
00:25:50.860 --> 00:25:53.500
It will be good if you say he's long distance.

503
00:25:54.320 --> 00:25:56.540
He's two hours away, but he works on the weekends.

504
00:25:57.060 --> 00:25:59.120
And I'm about to start working a new job

505
00:25:59.120 --> 00:26:00.420
and don't know my schedule yet.

506
00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:03.480
So so far, we've only managed two in-person dates.

507
00:26:03.540 --> 00:26:05.280
And our next one is next week.

508
00:26:05.800 --> 00:26:06.620
Oh, good.

509
00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:09.660
Yeah, when you don't get to spend a lot of time in person,

510
00:26:10.100 --> 00:26:11.220
it changes things.

511
00:26:11.540 --> 00:26:13.580
Long distance is a little bit more challenging also.

512
00:26:14.220 --> 00:26:18.460
Yeah, not my preferred, but I don't mind it.

513
00:26:18.460 --> 00:26:21.940
I will do it if it comes to that, but it's just a first.

514
00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:22.960
Oh, good.

515
00:26:23.820 --> 00:26:24.780
Well, enjoy.

516
00:26:24.780 --> 00:26:26.180
I've dated long distance before.

517
00:26:26.360 --> 00:26:27.360
We were three hours apart.

518
00:26:27.720 --> 00:26:28.900
And because of our work schedules,

519
00:26:28.900 --> 00:26:31.200
we were able to get together twice a month,

520
00:26:31.240 --> 00:26:35.040
which I like that pace because it slows things down for me.

521
00:26:35.100 --> 00:26:36.000
And that's what I like.

522
00:26:36.020 --> 00:26:37.980
I like slow pace, take your time.

523
00:26:38.080 --> 00:26:39.860
Had he lived in my city, we probably

524
00:26:39.860 --> 00:26:44.100
would have went on a lot more dates, like hanging out more.

525
00:26:44.740 --> 00:26:46.520
So I think it's good.

526
00:26:47.180 --> 00:26:48.320
OK, thank you.

527
00:26:48.960 --> 00:26:49.460
You're welcome.

528
00:26:51.040 --> 00:26:51.520
Felicia.

529
00:26:59.800 --> 00:27:00.860
Hi, Ebony.

530
00:27:01.360 --> 00:27:01.740
Hi.

531
00:27:01.840 --> 00:27:01.860
Hey, you.

532
00:27:02.900 --> 00:27:03.500
Hi.

533
00:27:03.500 --> 00:27:06.960
It's raining here all day.

534
00:27:07.600 --> 00:27:09.980
Anyway, so I was talking with Carla.

535
00:27:10.320 --> 00:27:14.080
You see, I was on the app, the community app.

536
00:27:15.380 --> 00:27:20.360
One of the thing with Richard is that, like I said,

537
00:27:20.380 --> 00:27:21.540
he's a great guy.

538
00:27:22.220 --> 00:27:22.700
God.

539
00:27:25.140 --> 00:27:27.940
This is what I'm sensing in my, I don't know,

540
00:27:28.180 --> 00:27:32.960
I know where it's coming from because of the distance.

541
00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:38.180
And in my past, in my marriage, I'm always alone.

542
00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:39.780
He's always traveling for work.

543
00:27:39.820 --> 00:27:41.960
So I'm always by myself.

544
00:27:42.160 --> 00:27:44.820
And I fill myself up with so much things to do,

545
00:27:44.860 --> 00:27:45.820
just to keep going.

546
00:27:46.720 --> 00:27:47.840
And so I'm always busy.

547
00:27:47.980 --> 00:27:51.280
But I want to change that in the season of my life

548
00:27:51.280 --> 00:27:53.540
where I don't have to keep filling myself up with things

549
00:27:53.540 --> 00:27:54.580
just to keep going.

550
00:27:54.900 --> 00:27:57.040
I don't mind doing it, but I always

551
00:27:57.040 --> 00:28:02.320
feel like I need to go back to it in between talking to people

552
00:28:02.320 --> 00:28:07.420
to not feel like I'm maybe needy,

553
00:28:07.880 --> 00:28:11.980
which I don't think I make myself like that, but I can.

554
00:28:13.300 --> 00:28:17.820
So he did put on his profile that his rest is very

555
00:28:17.820 --> 00:28:19.280
standout on his profile.

556
00:28:20.280 --> 00:28:20.940
That what?

557
00:28:21.300 --> 00:28:22.560
He put on his profile what?

558
00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:27.440
About him resting after working or his rest time,

559
00:28:27.460 --> 00:28:28.760
taking his rest time.

560
00:28:29.740 --> 00:28:32.060
It's very standout on his profile.

561
00:28:33.080 --> 00:28:37.640
We talk about that because I realize that his rest time,

562
00:28:37.700 --> 00:28:40.820
meaning that he's shut off for a day or two,

563
00:28:41.300 --> 00:28:44.660
and he might just say hi maybe in the evening

564
00:28:44.660 --> 00:28:48.900
and maybe close to his bedtime.

565
00:28:49.460 --> 00:28:50.900
So we kind of touch on it a little bit.

566
00:28:51.120 --> 00:28:53.560
I kind of wanted to hear what he put on his profile,

567
00:28:53.640 --> 00:28:55.000
but I want to hear from him.

568
00:28:55.620 --> 00:28:57.440
So we talk about it a little bit.

569
00:28:57.840 --> 00:29:01.120
And he shared that it's very important to him,

570
00:29:01.120 --> 00:29:02.380
and he likes to do that.

571
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:05.540
So I said, I want to see what it looks like.

572
00:29:06.260 --> 00:29:10.040
So since we've been talking, Sunday and Monday

573
00:29:10.040 --> 00:29:11.820
was his rest day of this week.

574
00:29:12.420 --> 00:29:13.800
So this is what it looked like.

575
00:29:13.800 --> 00:29:15.800
He take the whole entire day and he rest.

576
00:29:16.060 --> 00:29:17.060
He just rest the entire day.

577
00:29:17.140 --> 00:29:19.580
And then when he closed to like maybe nine o'clock,

578
00:29:19.680 --> 00:29:21.980
10 o'clock, his bedtime, he just said hi to me.

579
00:29:22.020 --> 00:29:23.080
He would just say hi.

580
00:29:25.080 --> 00:29:30.320
And we did talk a little bit because I'm maybe instigated.

581
00:29:30.860 --> 00:29:33.100
And then Monday he rest all day again,

582
00:29:33.760 --> 00:29:35.140
whatever he does for rest.

583
00:29:35.560 --> 00:29:39.660
And then he say hi again in the middle, in the nighttime.

584
00:29:40.660 --> 00:29:43.160
So then for me now, I am done.

585
00:29:43.160 --> 00:29:48.480
Emotionally, I'm like, okay, that's it.

586
00:29:48.600 --> 00:29:50.580
Because it's so common for me

587
00:29:50.580 --> 00:29:52.460
and I don't want something like that.

588
00:29:52.500 --> 00:29:55.640
And I do like to take my time and I'm a busy person.

589
00:29:55.780 --> 00:29:57.600
I like to take my time, go work out

590
00:29:57.600 --> 00:29:59.020
and let me take my time and read.

591
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.640
But I don't know what you're, what you think about that.

592
00:30:06.080 --> 00:30:09.360
So when it's not those days, what does communication look like?

593
00:30:13.580 --> 00:30:21.260
Well, before Monday, before Sunday and Monday, this Sunday and Monday, it used to be if he

594
00:30:21.300 --> 00:30:25.220
drives, he drives and he might have trips where he drives and go.

595
00:30:25.640 --> 00:30:29.980
And on his way back from the trip, he would love to talk to me and it could be like, you

596
00:30:29.980 --> 00:30:31.880
know, 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, he would like to talk.

597
00:30:32.500 --> 00:30:37.560
But then when he's when he's not doing that, and he's resting, he's gone, he shut off.

598
00:30:37.640 --> 00:30:43.440
He's like, you know, so this weekend was the first time I see him in the rest mode.

599
00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:48.360
Because I wanted to inspect it to see what it looks like.

600
00:30:48.900 --> 00:30:49.920
So what are you saying?

601
00:30:50.160 --> 00:30:51.220
How long y'all been talking?

602
00:30:52.260 --> 00:30:53.540
It's about two weeks.

603
00:30:54.220 --> 00:30:59.280
Okay, before rest mode, these things that you got to observe every day, you talk to

604
00:30:59.280 --> 00:31:00.620
him at 11 o'clock at night?

605
00:31:01.420 --> 00:31:05.220
No, we used to talk earlier because I would do that like before I work out.

606
00:31:06.080 --> 00:31:08.300
Okay, and how long do y'all talk when y'all talk?

607
00:31:09.160 --> 00:31:13.580
I mean, it could be if it's close to his bedtime, it could be an hour and a half, but by 10

608
00:31:13.580 --> 00:31:14.600
o'clock, he's ready for bed.

609
00:31:14.620 --> 00:31:15.460
And I know that.

610
00:31:16.120 --> 00:31:16.940
I know he's ready.

611
00:31:17.140 --> 00:31:17.680
So I'm like, okay.

612
00:31:17.880 --> 00:31:18.700
When he's on the road.

613
00:31:19.240 --> 00:31:23.140
When he's on the road, that's when he's on the road, we'll talk maybe his trip coming

614
00:31:23.140 --> 00:31:28.460
back maybe about an hour and a half ride, hour to an hour and a half ride back from

615
00:31:28.460 --> 00:31:33.360
the trip, which was just like two times.

616
00:31:33.480 --> 00:31:36.420
And the rest of the time was just like checking in, hi, how you doing in the morning?

617
00:31:37.420 --> 00:31:37.420


618
00:31:39.760 --> 00:31:49.080
So if his rest schedule does not work for you, you can just tell him that you're interested

619
00:31:49.080 --> 00:32:05.160
in getting to know him more and you understand that he takes time to rest, maybe, but that

620
00:32:05.160 --> 00:32:06.860
doesn't work well for you.

621
00:32:07.280 --> 00:32:11.120
Well, it brings up so much memory of my past and I just-

622
00:32:11.120 --> 00:32:11.520
Hold up.

623
00:32:11.520 --> 00:32:12.400
Hold up, Felicia.

624
00:32:12.620 --> 00:32:16.720
I'm making my statement that you need to say to him, but I'm working through my words.

625
00:32:16.860 --> 00:32:17.900
So it's slow paced.

626
00:32:17.980 --> 00:32:18.600
No, you're okay.

627
00:32:18.600 --> 00:32:24.580
But you can tell him that, so you're just getting to know him, right?

628
00:32:24.640 --> 00:32:29.520
You see that this doesn't work for you, whether it brings up memory of your past or not.

629
00:32:29.640 --> 00:32:34.380
You're uncomfortable with it, it's pulling on something in you and you're early enough

630
00:32:34.380 --> 00:32:35.200
to walk away.

631
00:32:35.560 --> 00:32:47.820
If he's not worth it to you, if he doesn't feel like worth that investment, this two

632
00:32:47.820 --> 00:32:51.180
not going to go away from bothering you, one.

633
00:32:52.380 --> 00:33:00.840
The second thing is, if he, you can share with him your concern to see how he will show

634
00:33:00.840 --> 00:33:07.060
up differently because now he's in a getting to know this woman that likes him.

635
00:33:07.160 --> 00:33:10.280
He's not just not dating someone.

636
00:33:12.280 --> 00:33:16.920
And so maybe he can adjust it to one day of rest, or maybe on his day of rest, he can

637
00:33:16.920 --> 00:33:20.700
shave out an hour to talk to you.

638
00:33:21.440 --> 00:33:23.540
And so I don't think this is the time.

639
00:33:23.580 --> 00:33:26.420
I'm not going to encourage you not to say anything.

640
00:33:27.760 --> 00:33:34.980
I want to encourage you to be expressive, but not with a lot of your triggers showing

641
00:33:35.080 --> 00:33:36.860
up in the expression.

642
00:33:36.960 --> 00:33:40.640
Not without you going into your past, thinking, well, I'm just going to say it like it is.

643
00:33:40.900 --> 00:33:44.640
See, in my past, and this makes me feel like, no, no, no, we're not going to do none of

644
00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:44.760
it.

645
00:33:45.660 --> 00:33:53.540
You're going to make a request if you want to, and then you're going to see how he responds.

646
00:33:55.800 --> 00:33:55.800


647
00:33:56.060 --> 00:34:00.520
And so, so I'm processing while I'm talking, I'm a verbal processor, so I'm trying to work

648
00:34:00.520 --> 00:34:01.120
through this.

649
00:34:01.300 --> 00:34:06.320
And so what you could say to him is like, we're getting to know each other, I'm really

650
00:34:06.320 --> 00:34:06.980
enjoying it.

651
00:34:06.980 --> 00:34:11.800
And I know that you take out two days a week, but for me, that just doesn't work best.

652
00:34:11.800 --> 00:34:19.659
And so I was wondering if you would be willing to maybe reach out to me on one of those days

653
00:34:19.659 --> 00:34:24.440
or both of those days, and at least talk with me, you know, for 20 minutes, 30 minutes.

654
00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:28.020
I know that you're used to having a set schedule this way.

655
00:34:28.260 --> 00:34:30.239
And so I just wanted to make this request.

656
00:34:31.440 --> 00:34:35.800
He can say something back, if he says no, you say, I totally understand.

657
00:34:35.960 --> 00:34:37.940
I know how it is when you're in your routine.

658
00:34:38.500 --> 00:34:43.060
And so because of that, and because I understand your position, and I also understand my position,

659
00:34:43.219 --> 00:34:47.320
I want to go ahead and transition from getting to know you.

660
00:34:47.659 --> 00:34:48.659
It has been great.

661
00:34:49.560 --> 00:34:50.420
That's an option.

662
00:34:50.560 --> 00:34:55.060
If he says yes, I can make those adjustments, then I think that is to be noted.

663
00:35:03.500 --> 00:35:07.260
And you can say, okay, so what adjustment are you willing to make?

664
00:35:07.640 --> 00:35:10.040
He can tell you the adjustment he's willing to make.

665
00:35:10.400 --> 00:35:12.280
If you agree to the adjustment, move forward.

666
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:14.360
If you don't agree to the adjustment, don't move forward.

667
00:35:14.640 --> 00:35:18.140
So the adjustment look like I'll text you good morning in the morning, that adjustment

668
00:35:18.380 --> 00:35:19.340
don't work.

669
00:35:23.340 --> 00:35:25.940
That doesn't cost him anything, that's not an adjustment.

670
00:35:28.860 --> 00:35:31.400
And so maybe if he said, what did you have in mind?

671
00:35:31.500 --> 00:35:32.600
You could say whatever you want.

672
00:35:32.640 --> 00:35:35.720
You need to go ahead and say what you want then, don't slide it.

673
00:35:36.420 --> 00:35:38.500
If you want an hour, say I want an hour.

674
00:35:39.420 --> 00:35:41.780
Remember he going to have 24 hours in the whole day.

675
00:35:42.240 --> 00:35:44.840
So if you're going to say what you want, say what you want.

676
00:35:47.580 --> 00:35:50.220
And then just see where it goes from there.

677
00:35:51.560 --> 00:35:55.360
If he says no or whatever, before you just say, okay, I'm going to walk.

678
00:35:55.360 --> 00:35:57.360
So just say, well, let me think about that.

679
00:35:58.340 --> 00:36:02.560
Let me think about how you responded to me and I'll follow up with you with my thoughts

680
00:36:02.560 --> 00:36:03.380
on that.

681
00:36:03.660 --> 00:36:04.040
Okay.

682
00:36:05.380 --> 00:36:05.900
All right.

683
00:36:05.900 --> 00:36:06.600
That was fair.

684
00:36:07.080 --> 00:36:07.480
Thank you.

685
00:36:08.520 --> 00:36:09.000
You're welcome.

686
00:36:09.460 --> 00:36:10.560
Keep me updated.

687
00:36:11.100 --> 00:36:11.500
I will.

688
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:12.320
Thank you.

689
00:36:12.360 --> 00:36:12.960
You're welcome.

690
00:36:13.520 --> 00:36:13.520


691
00:36:16.700 --> 00:36:17.160
Hi.

692
00:36:17.960 --> 00:36:18.780
Hey, Karen.

693
00:36:18.880 --> 00:36:20.040
Let me just say this one thing.

694
00:36:20.120 --> 00:36:21.460
You can stay on the mic, Karen.

695
00:36:21.460 --> 00:36:27.340
And Felicia, I want you to know that you don't have to settle for what you have had in the

696
00:36:27.340 --> 00:36:27.600
past.

697
00:36:27.660 --> 00:36:31.960
I don't care how many men you meet that seem like they don't have time, but that's not

698
00:36:31.960 --> 00:36:33.060
the man for you.

699
00:36:33.640 --> 00:36:34.080
Okay.

700
00:36:34.660 --> 00:36:35.780
You're not going to settle.

701
00:36:35.920 --> 00:36:38.020
You're not going to go and pick something that you want.

702
00:36:38.060 --> 00:36:40.160
That is not your lot in life.

703
00:36:42.460 --> 00:36:47.940
You going to keep attracting, if you're attracting men who don't have time, you're going to tell

704
00:36:47.940 --> 00:36:52.820
enough of them, no, until your attraction turns, until what starts coming to you is

705
00:36:52.820 --> 00:36:56.280
going to be of the value and quality that you want in your life.

706
00:36:56.600 --> 00:37:00.240
All you have to say is no enough to get to your yes.

707
00:37:01.320 --> 00:37:02.920
And so you be encouraged.

708
00:37:05.380 --> 00:37:06.920
I just wanted to add that.

709
00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:07.280


710
00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:08.020
Go for it.

711
00:37:08.020 --> 00:37:08.100
Karen.

712
00:37:09.300 --> 00:37:09.820
Okay.

713
00:37:09.820 --> 00:37:10.240
Thanks.

714
00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:11.760
This is my first time talking.

715
00:37:12.240 --> 00:37:12.760
So hi.

716
00:37:14.260 --> 00:37:15.300
Hi, Karen.

717
00:37:15.300 --> 00:37:15.300


718
00:37:15.300 --> 00:37:23.280
So I posted in the group on the app that I was going to an anti-dating app party, and

719
00:37:23.420 --> 00:37:26.040
it was quite an amazing experience.

720
00:37:26.220 --> 00:37:27.480
We had a great time.

721
00:37:27.980 --> 00:37:33.380
They had a lot of icebreakers for you to do when you walked in the door.

722
00:37:33.560 --> 00:37:36.880
They gave you a bingo card, and on the bingo card had all these things like, do you want

723
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:37.440
to do a podcast?

724
00:37:37.800 --> 00:37:39.740
Do you want to travel to different countries?

725
00:37:40.120 --> 00:37:41.160
Do you want to write a book?

726
00:37:41.160 --> 00:37:45.660
And you had to go around and introduce yourself and put your name on people's bingo card.

727
00:37:46.540 --> 00:37:52.680
And so I started chatting with this one guy, and what I want to say about this is we had

728
00:37:52.680 --> 00:37:57.620
so many travel experiences that we just kept talking and talking and talking and laughing

729
00:37:57.680 --> 00:37:59.540
and joking about all the different places we've been.

730
00:37:59.860 --> 00:38:01.080
And it was hilarious.

731
00:38:01.140 --> 00:38:03.020
I enjoyed my conversation with him.

732
00:38:03.280 --> 00:38:07.940
Now, I wouldn't say he was the most attractive person there, but I really loved the flow

733
00:38:07.940 --> 00:38:10.420
of our interaction.

734
00:38:11.160 --> 00:38:16.780
And then, out of the blue, this other guy comes over because I kind of know him from

735
00:38:16.780 --> 00:38:17.400
other events.

736
00:38:17.740 --> 00:38:21.540
And he comes over and he goes, hey, and I'm like, hey, and Chris, I knew his name.

737
00:38:21.640 --> 00:38:23.100
And he doesn't even remember my name.

738
00:38:23.220 --> 00:38:24.600
We're Facebook friends, but he doesn't even remember.

739
00:38:25.020 --> 00:38:29.500
And he totally bombards my conversation with this guy that I was having.

740
00:38:29.680 --> 00:38:33.560
And so then this guy walks away, and I was having a great conversation with him.

741
00:38:33.560 --> 00:38:38.200
And so now I'm sitting there with Chris, who I already know, and I know I'm not interested

742
00:38:38.200 --> 00:38:38.560
in him.

743
00:38:38.560 --> 00:38:40.300
And he's telling me the lowdown in his life.

744
00:38:40.840 --> 00:38:43.420
And, oh, I was, you know, lots happened since we last saw each other.

745
00:38:43.420 --> 00:38:44.420
I got married.

746
00:38:44.580 --> 00:38:46.760
It only lasted three months because she cheated on me.

747
00:38:47.140 --> 00:38:50.520
And I'm like, can you bring back Kurt, please?

748
00:38:56.200 --> 00:39:03.160
And you know, now Chris, more attractive, but not emotionally healed, not fun.

749
00:39:03.160 --> 00:39:04.140
And he talked about himself.

750
00:39:04.440 --> 00:39:08.040
Kurt, totally not as attractive, but the conversation was amazing.

751
00:39:08.220 --> 00:39:10.840
It was, you know, we had a lot in common.

752
00:39:11.020 --> 00:39:14.040
And I, like the whole night, I kept wanting to, like, go and spend more time with him.

753
00:39:14.220 --> 00:39:16.520
And so we had to do, like, these different group game things.

754
00:39:16.520 --> 00:39:20.560
And I, like, made sure I was in his group game and, you know, got to know him a little

755
00:39:20.860 --> 00:39:21.220
bit.

756
00:39:21.260 --> 00:39:25.740
And like, when we were all together at a table, there was like, we had to be in a group of

757
00:39:25.740 --> 00:39:29.520
five and there was five of us and he was the only guy and he and one girl was Keisha, the

758
00:39:29.520 --> 00:39:30.260
other girl was Keisha.

759
00:39:30.600 --> 00:39:31.360
Another girl was Kelly.

760
00:39:31.400 --> 00:39:32.820
Then it was me, Karen, and his name was Kurt.

761
00:39:32.820 --> 00:39:34.520
He's like, we're the 5Ks.

762
00:39:34.600 --> 00:39:37.800
And I'm like, you know, like, we were just like, personality.

763
00:39:38.020 --> 00:39:39.180
And I loved it.

764
00:39:39.420 --> 00:39:43.320
And then, like, he even made sure that the ladies had, like, a stool to sit on.

765
00:39:43.320 --> 00:39:46.760
And he got up and stood, you know, to make sure that one of the ladies could have a seat.

766
00:39:47.380 --> 00:39:48.200
And it was great.

767
00:39:48.280 --> 00:39:50.760
And so at the end of the night, they give you, like, these cards where you're supposed

768
00:39:50.760 --> 00:39:53.500
to put your phone number on them if you want to, if you felt like there was a connection

769
00:39:53.500 --> 00:39:53.980
with anybody.

770
00:39:54.460 --> 00:39:59.900
I didn't do it because I was, I saw him, like, communicating with this other woman.

771
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.340
and kind of got like, you know, I don't know, I just kind of

772
00:40:03.340 --> 00:40:05.480
didn't know what to do. Like, I was like, maybe he's interested

773
00:40:05.480 --> 00:40:08.480
in her. I don't know. I feel so weird. I don't know what to do.

774
00:40:08.860 --> 00:40:13.120
So I didn't. I didn't give him my number. And I walked there. I

775
00:40:13.120 --> 00:40:15.200
said goodbye to him. He was like, bye, Karen. And that was

776
00:40:15.200 --> 00:40:17.580
that. And I don't know if I'll see him again. I might at

777
00:40:17.580 --> 00:40:21.740
another event, who knows. But I was like, man, I really had a

778
00:40:21.740 --> 00:40:24.860
great time. It was personality, personality, personality and

779
00:40:24.920 --> 00:40:27.540
connection matter more than attraction, because attraction

780
00:40:27.540 --> 00:40:32.460
can grow, which I know. But so that was the first thing. The

781
00:40:32.460 --> 00:40:37.060
second thing is start talking to this guy on Facebook. And he

782
00:40:37.960 --> 00:40:40.660
he's obviously living here where I am. But he's like used he's

783
00:40:40.660 --> 00:40:43.060
from Germany. I lived in Switzerland. So we had that

784
00:40:43.060 --> 00:40:47.280
kind of commonality. But we started chatting a little bit.

785
00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:51.040
And then he goes, Can I have your phone number to move on to

786
00:40:51.040 --> 00:40:53.900
our conversation. And I had just finished the online dating

787
00:40:54.040 --> 00:40:56.640
course. And I was like, I don't think I'm supposed to give him

788
00:40:56.640 --> 00:40:58.600
my phone number. I think we're supposed to do like a zoom or

789
00:40:58.520 --> 00:41:02.820
something. And so I mentioned that I was like, would you be up

790
00:41:02.820 --> 00:41:06.680
for doing a zoom? And he was like, No, I really want to chat

791
00:41:06.840 --> 00:41:09.720
via text first. And I didn't know what to do. I haven't

792
00:41:09.720 --> 00:41:11.060
responded because I don't know what to do.

793
00:41:15.500 --> 00:41:18.300
So this is a dating app person guy.

794
00:41:18.780 --> 00:41:22.960
What's that? He's on the dating app. Yeah, that last guy is on

795
00:41:23.400 --> 00:41:27.800
You're like, I want to see you first. Right? So I feel like

796
00:41:27.800 --> 00:41:28.780
it's a red flag.

797
00:41:29.900 --> 00:41:31.320
Well, not a red flag.

798
00:41:31.580 --> 00:41:32.080
Maybe a yellow.

799
00:41:33.780 --> 00:41:38.100
No, he's just that he said he don't want to do it. Yeah, don't

800
00:41:38.100 --> 00:41:40.820
flag them. You just come back with what you want to do if you

801
00:41:40.820 --> 00:41:44.720
don't want to do it. Okay, I don't. You don't have to zoom

802
00:41:44.720 --> 00:41:52.940
call a person before you give them your number. Okay. You

803
00:41:52.940 --> 00:41:57.500
feel free to give him your number if you want. But if you

804
00:41:57.500 --> 00:42:01.160
want to see him before you give him your number, then you can

805
00:42:01.160 --> 00:42:04.700
say, Hey, I totally get it. You want to text. I like to see the

806
00:42:04.700 --> 00:42:10.680
people that I'm talking to. And so I, I'm happy to go ahead and

807
00:42:10.680 --> 00:42:12.000
part ways at this point.

808
00:42:12.020 --> 00:42:13.940
Okay, that's a good way to say it.

809
00:42:13.960 --> 00:42:17.180
Yeah. So he told me he want to text. Yo.

810
00:42:18.040 --> 00:42:20.980
We're already texting through the Facebook app. Like how much

811
00:42:20.980 --> 00:42:21.620
more do you want to do?

812
00:42:21.620 --> 00:42:26.500
Right texting? Right. And so you just tell them your preference

813
00:42:26.500 --> 00:42:30.300
is to know the person you're talking to. Okay, see their

814
00:42:30.160 --> 00:42:34.160
face. Yeah. Okay. Or, you know, you don't have to say anything

815
00:42:34.160 --> 00:42:36.740
back. You can just block them. I mean, you don't have to respond.

816
00:42:36.980 --> 00:42:39.560
I mean, at this point, you don't you don't have to respond to

817
00:42:39.560 --> 00:42:42.560
this guy. You told him what you wanted. He told you what he

818
00:42:42.560 --> 00:42:45.700
wanted. Y'all don't see eye to eye. Yeah. But in the future,

819
00:42:45.760 --> 00:42:48.600
when you do say that to person is like, can I get your numbers

820
00:42:48.600 --> 00:42:51.340
like, hey, I think getting exchanging numbers will be

821
00:42:51.340 --> 00:42:55.060
great. How about we do a video call first, because I really do

822
00:42:55.060 --> 00:42:58.020
like to see the person that I'm giving my phone number to before

823
00:42:58.020 --> 00:43:02.160
we move forward. You can always say that. And if they tell you

824
00:43:02.160 --> 00:43:06.140
they don't want to do a zoom call, so I totally understand. I

825
00:43:06.140 --> 00:43:09.840
get and respect your decision. And I really appreciate you

826
00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:13.300
respecting my decision. So it's great getting to know you, if

827
00:43:13.300 --> 00:43:14.420
only for a moment.

828
00:43:17.340 --> 00:43:20.560
Okay, that sounds good. Yeah, I'm so glad you're having fun

829
00:43:20.560 --> 00:43:23.420
Karen. And next time you give that man your number. He's

830
00:43:23.440 --> 00:43:26.780
dating just like you. He can talk to more than one woman at

831
00:43:26.780 --> 00:43:29.940
a time. May the best woman win. That's right. Yeah, that's what

832
00:43:29.940 --> 00:43:32.380
I should have said to myself. But I guess this was my first

833
00:43:32.800 --> 00:43:37.340
time getting back out there. So I was like, I know, I probably

834
00:43:37.340 --> 00:43:39.760
would have did the same thing. But I just wanted to give you a

835
00:43:39.760 --> 00:43:41.860
thought. So next time it happens, you'll have something

836
00:43:41.860 --> 00:43:44.260
else to run out. Yeah, that's good. I like that.

837
00:43:44.260 --> 00:43:50.560
Thank you. You're welcome. All right, Renee. I want that sweet

838
00:43:50.560 --> 00:43:53.180
baby. You got Renee. Whose baby is it?

839
00:43:53.960 --> 00:43:54.380
Say hi.

840
00:43:56.500 --> 00:43:57.180
Baby.

841
00:44:01.480 --> 00:44:02.160
Girls.

842
00:44:05.360 --> 00:44:11.340
Say this is my granddaughter. So she is just being calm with me.

843
00:44:12.100 --> 00:44:12.440
Yeah.

844
00:44:12.700 --> 00:44:13.360
What's her name?

845
00:44:14.260 --> 00:44:15.260
Her name's Lily.

846
00:44:15.960 --> 00:44:17.920
Oh, that's a beautiful name.

847
00:44:19.360 --> 00:44:21.300
So if she starts crying, I'll mute.

848
00:44:22.420 --> 00:44:29.040
But she should be good. So I went to a singles retreat this

849
00:44:29.000 --> 00:44:32.380
weekend. And I'm going to shut the door real quick. So let me

850
00:44:32.380 --> 00:44:34.420
shut the door. Yeah, take your time.

851
00:44:35.340 --> 00:44:39.100
Soficio, I'm so happy to see you.

852
00:44:39.700 --> 00:44:45.340
Okay. Um, so it's my first time actually talking on here too.

853
00:44:46.600 --> 00:44:54.160
But I went to a singles retreat and with a friend of mine. And

854
00:44:54.160 --> 00:44:57.420
we met a whole bunch of singles. But it was a weird dynamic. I

855
00:44:57.420 --> 00:44:59.980
wasn't in between stage. So there was a whole bunch of

856
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.940
people Kim's age, which was great.

857
00:45:03.000 --> 00:45:04.860
And there was a whole bunch of people

858
00:45:05.260 --> 00:45:08.280
in their 30s and 20s,

859
00:45:08.440 --> 00:45:10.380
but there wasn't people in my age range.

860
00:45:10.560 --> 00:45:13.700
So I was in this weird dynamic of where

861
00:45:14.740 --> 00:45:17.720
there were nobody in my age range,

862
00:45:18.360 --> 00:45:19.880
but just trying to talk,

863
00:45:20.020 --> 00:45:22.440
there was a couple guys in my age range

864
00:45:22.460 --> 00:45:25.040
and I tried to go over there and talk to them

865
00:45:25.040 --> 00:45:26.580
and they were like,

866
00:45:26.900 --> 00:45:29.440
they just didn't know how to do conversations.

867
00:45:29.960 --> 00:45:32.280
You'd be like, hi, how are you?

868
00:45:32.820 --> 00:45:35.160
So, you know, we did a canoe race

869
00:45:35.160 --> 00:45:36.300
and I was like, so, you know,

870
00:45:36.340 --> 00:45:37.860
have you done canoe races before?

871
00:45:38.060 --> 00:45:39.060
You did really well.

872
00:45:39.340 --> 00:45:43.660
And the guy was like, yeah, I did it in high school.

873
00:45:43.740 --> 00:45:45.960
And then he got up and left and I was like,

874
00:45:46.160 --> 00:45:47.840
all right, that was awkward.

875
00:45:48.500 --> 00:45:51.580
And they just weren't conversing

876
00:45:51.580 --> 00:45:53.860
or we learned how to two-step.

877
00:45:54.400 --> 00:45:57.300
And the guy, I was trying not to lead.

878
00:45:58.440 --> 00:46:02.000
And I said, you know, you're supposed to lead in this

879
00:46:02.000 --> 00:46:04.000
because I'm not supposed to lead,

880
00:46:04.300 --> 00:46:05.940
but it was just very awkward.

881
00:46:06.240 --> 00:46:08.740
And so I guess my question for you is,

882
00:46:10.580 --> 00:46:13.120
I worked in a very male-dominated field.

883
00:46:13.220 --> 00:46:14.140
I was the only female.

884
00:46:14.900 --> 00:46:17.660
And I have a habit my friend told me after

885
00:46:17.660 --> 00:46:20.320
because I was carrying stuff out after the weekend

886
00:46:20.840 --> 00:46:24.020
and we'd been playing Aptag,

887
00:46:24.400 --> 00:46:26.660
but I kind of kicked open the door

888
00:46:26.660 --> 00:46:29.060
because my hands were full.

889
00:46:29.540 --> 00:46:31.180
And she's like, you're very masculine.

890
00:46:31.440 --> 00:46:37.000
And so I'm trying to be more feminine in a way.

891
00:46:37.180 --> 00:46:39.300
And she's like, you know, you walk masculine.

892
00:46:39.900 --> 00:46:43.940
And I was like, look, I was an engineer.

893
00:46:45.220 --> 00:46:47.400
I worked with men.

894
00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:49.600
You couldn't be very ladylike.

895
00:46:49.780 --> 00:46:51.600
You had to be respected by the men.

896
00:46:51.660 --> 00:46:52.800
You had to act like a man.

897
00:46:52.820 --> 00:46:55.000
And so now I'm trying to be very feminine

898
00:46:55.000 --> 00:46:58.320
and I'm not even sure how to do that in a way.

899
00:46:58.600 --> 00:47:00.600
And I hear Jackie talk about it all the time.

900
00:47:00.720 --> 00:47:01.920
She's like, embrace your feminine.

901
00:47:02.140 --> 00:47:04.560
And I'm like, well, what does that look like?

902
00:47:04.600 --> 00:47:05.900
You know, I can wear a dress,

903
00:47:06.900 --> 00:47:09.180
but like, is it like a Disney princess?

904
00:47:09.640 --> 00:47:10.520
Am I gliding?

905
00:47:10.760 --> 00:47:11.900
Like, do you glide?

906
00:47:12.160 --> 00:47:14.820
Like, am I supposed to be gliding across the room?

907
00:47:14.820 --> 00:47:16.580
Like, what does that look like?

908
00:47:16.580 --> 00:47:19.200
Or do I watch these movies and they're like glide

909
00:47:19.200 --> 00:47:22.780
and you're like, do I wear high heels or something?

910
00:47:22.780 --> 00:47:25.160
Like, I probably look like I could walk

911
00:47:25.160 --> 00:47:27.480
like a guy in gliding too.

912
00:47:27.580 --> 00:47:29.640
So I'm trying to figure out the balance.

913
00:47:29.700 --> 00:47:32.240
I'm sure kicking open the door did not help,

914
00:47:33.540 --> 00:47:35.820
but I'm just trying to figure out

915
00:47:35.820 --> 00:47:37.860
what the balance looks like

916
00:47:37.860 --> 00:47:41.000
so that I can come off more feminine.

917
00:47:43.440 --> 00:47:50.500
And because even if I do it in my profile,

918
00:47:51.300 --> 00:47:54.780
I haven't been getting any likes even on my profile.

919
00:47:56.200 --> 00:48:00.300
So it is this weird dynamic of guys

920
00:48:00.300 --> 00:48:01.840
at my church aren't interested,

921
00:48:02.760 --> 00:48:04.540
men on my profile aren't interested.

922
00:48:05.680 --> 00:48:10.960
And even though on my profile I've traveled a lot,

923
00:48:11.040 --> 00:48:13.200
I've done a lot of fun stuff,

924
00:48:14.540 --> 00:48:17.360
and I'm an outdoors person.

925
00:48:17.840 --> 00:48:19.620
So I've done dog sledding.

926
00:48:19.620 --> 00:48:21.560
I've been in helicopters.

927
00:48:22.180 --> 00:48:24.320
Like I've done some crazy fun stuff.

928
00:48:24.900 --> 00:48:29.200
And so I've kind of tried to present that even on my app,

929
00:48:31.580 --> 00:48:35.920
but I don't know if it makes it seem more masculine

930
00:48:35.920 --> 00:48:40.440
or just not as girly as what it should be.

931
00:48:40.920 --> 00:48:42.260
Can I see your profile?

932
00:48:43.220 --> 00:48:46.660
I sent pictures in the app for you to make it easy.

933
00:48:46.660 --> 00:48:47.620
It was weird.

934
00:48:47.700 --> 00:48:49.820
It wouldn't let me, on the app,

935
00:48:49.960 --> 00:48:52.600
it doesn't let you put something bigger,

936
00:48:52.840 --> 00:48:56.560
more than one picture, and it made it difficult.

937
00:48:57.200 --> 00:49:00.040
So I had to screenshot it and clip it.

938
00:49:00.580 --> 00:49:02.640
You've done that a while ago, didn't you?

939
00:49:02.740 --> 00:49:03.560
I did.

940
00:49:03.840 --> 00:49:04.960
It made it difficult.

941
00:49:05.140 --> 00:49:07.900
And so it would only let you post one thing at a time,

942
00:49:07.940 --> 00:49:11.260
and you had to do it in separate pages for you,

943
00:49:11.580 --> 00:49:13.640
which made it even more difficult.

944
00:49:13.640 --> 00:49:16.220
Renee, how long ago has that been?

945
00:49:17.900 --> 00:49:21.140
Probably four days ago, because-

946
00:49:21.140 --> 00:49:24.280
Well, did you post it under ex-coach, wins, or all?

947
00:49:25.500 --> 00:49:26.600
Ask a coach.

948
00:49:27.280 --> 00:49:28.320
Ask a coach.

949
00:49:30.320 --> 00:49:32.160
Let's take a look at your profile.

950
00:49:32.360 --> 00:49:35.380
I think that some things can seem,

951
00:49:35.460 --> 00:49:37.620
like I think dog sledding is cool,

952
00:49:37.680 --> 00:49:39.440
but it can come out masculine.

953
00:49:39.660 --> 00:49:41.280
But I don't think,

954
00:49:42.680 --> 00:49:44.580
I think it just sounds fun.

955
00:49:45.820 --> 00:49:47.640
It was a blast, let me tell you.

956
00:49:48.260 --> 00:49:51.700
Yeah, I want to say this too about the feminine thing.

957
00:49:51.860 --> 00:49:53.700
You're probably going to have to grow into it.

958
00:49:54.240 --> 00:49:55.500
It's a real thing.

959
00:49:55.920 --> 00:49:57.520
And dresses do make a difference.

960
00:49:57.700 --> 00:49:59.980
The more you wear them, the more it's going to affect you.

961
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.360
wear on you like the more you're gonna come into someone said last week when we met they wore a

962
00:50:06.360 --> 00:50:10.920
dress and me and tried to talk to them at the store they never approached them some guy approached her

963
00:50:10.920 --> 00:50:15.580
and she had never had that experience before and she knew it was because she wore a dress

964
00:50:15.640 --> 00:50:23.120
the first time she did it if you're on tonight just say that was me but um she wore a dress and

965
00:50:23.340 --> 00:50:31.080
approached by a guy i don't know why it's not pulling up and ask a coach so in it i have to

966
00:50:31.080 --> 00:50:35.340
do it through the computer but i'm gonna take a look at it and i'm gonna add any suggestions that

967
00:50:35.340 --> 00:50:43.420
um it was jane okay um even the jean shirt dress is super cute um yeah i do like the dogs and

968
00:50:43.420 --> 00:50:47.400
somebody said dog sledding sounds really unique and fun i want you to keep that because it does

969
00:50:48.060 --> 00:50:55.680
very unique but growing in your femininity is gonna take time and i think that i want you to

970
00:50:55.680 --> 00:51:00.740
get in your mind that you just have to practice on the job and i don't want you to feel like oh

971
00:51:00.740 --> 00:51:05.760
you're asking me to be something i can't be because life has shaped me to be this way and

972
00:51:05.760 --> 00:51:12.400
though life up to this point has shaped you has required you to carry a more masculine energy

973
00:51:12.400 --> 00:51:17.840
you're not gonna be that way always because femininity lives in you also and so you're

974
00:51:17.840 --> 00:51:22.240
gonna learn on the job and so i'm gonna give you a really good example i was out on a date with a

975
00:51:22.240 --> 00:51:28.000
guy on sunday every time he got up to go in the coffee shop to get some i'll be like oh i'll get

976
00:51:28.200 --> 00:51:36.520
it he's like i did it three times he's like ebony no but it didn't even click in my mind that here

977
00:51:36.520 --> 00:51:43.300
this man is trying to serve me and i keep saying i'll do it oh sit i told him sit down i'll get it

978
00:51:43.300 --> 00:51:47.440
and it was just like and then it didn't it done on me like the first thing he looked at me like

979
00:51:47.940 --> 00:51:58.800
no and i was like or the same the same guy we were walking to the car and so he put his arm

980
00:51:58.800 --> 00:52:03.880
i don't know if y'all could see me like this so that my arm can go under his arm oh yeah see me

981
00:52:04.780 --> 00:52:08.380
i missed it honey i don't even know what he

982
00:52:10.920 --> 00:52:17.300
i didn't know what he was doing he's trying to be a gentleman figure it out and then when

983
00:52:17.300 --> 00:52:21.960
he did it like kind of out more because we were coming up to a curb and he was helping me step

984
00:52:22.300 --> 00:52:31.940
down oh and i was like oh my country self i was just like why did you miss it golly but

985
00:52:31.940 --> 00:52:38.100
that's that part of me that has to develop and grow more in my femininity and i'm okay with it

986
00:52:38.380 --> 00:52:44.340
because experience showed me like hey lay back some more chill back some more and i've come a

987
00:52:44.340 --> 00:52:50.640
long ways i'll just i was like a bulldozer i could just take over like oh yeah i could tell

988
00:52:50.640 --> 00:52:54.800
he wanted to ask me out but he kept being slow about it and i made mention to him i was like

989
00:52:54.800 --> 00:52:59.140
i was about to just ask you did you want to go out he said don't do that and he never cracked

990
00:52:59.140 --> 00:53:06.220
his mouth he said don't do that and it was like that line like no don't don't do that and so

991
00:53:06.220 --> 00:53:13.740
there's that part of me that i coach myself all the time i have a conversation in my mind that

992
00:53:13.740 --> 00:53:24.560
says stand down slow down wait rene over and over and i took that from the little bit i learned

993
00:53:24.560 --> 00:53:31.420
from not a little bit i took from what jackie taught us and then i just start working it over

994
00:53:31.980 --> 00:53:36.740
time okay the women in my family are very controlling very take over they gonna they

995
00:53:36.740 --> 00:53:41.000
gonna do it they don't don't worry they don't need no man for nothing and they don't mind

996
00:53:41.000 --> 00:53:47.680
letting their husbands know if you can't get it i'll get it right and so i just want you to know

997
00:53:47.680 --> 00:53:52.180
that's a growing process i believe that you are going to get dates i know you feel like you're

998
00:53:52.180 --> 00:53:57.180
i know you feel like that you're not going to get attention but i don't care who the woman is

999
00:53:57.320 --> 00:54:03.680
on here if you may say they look like a a beauty queen they've had the same thing

1000
00:54:03.780 --> 00:54:10.280
every woman has said the same thing and that's how i know it's not just you and that's how i can tell

1001
00:54:10.280 --> 00:54:15.780
you and i felt the same thing i've been on dating apps and nobody would talk to me for months and

1002
00:54:15.780 --> 00:54:21.580
the ones that did look like somebody got thrown away on Saturday they were missing teeth like i

1003
00:54:21.580 --> 00:54:28.560
requirement people like you have to have your teeth i'm sorry yeah i would think it was something

1004
00:54:28.560 --> 00:54:33.140
about me that the man with the missing teeth would want to talk to me yeah so understand

1005
00:54:33.300 --> 00:54:39.060
or they look like serial killers serial killers or missing teeth and i'm like i don't want to be

1006
00:54:39.060 --> 00:54:45.780
on a documentary she went on a dating app and all of a sudden she ended up murdered in the hallway

1007
00:54:45.780 --> 00:54:52.800
and you're like come on you know it's true they do look like serial killers yeah like their eyes

1008
00:54:52.800 --> 00:54:59.740
are all open and you're like and you're like oh please stop okay you know yeah and so

1009
00:55:00.720 --> 00:55:11.600
I want to be encouraged. I do want to look at your profile. If you would just send me one more picture. I can't find it right now, but just take a screenshot of your front page with your first picture and just send it to me.

1010
00:55:12.560 --> 00:55:21.360
You commented on the picture and you said the picture was fine and then I sent you a picture of the description, but I can resend that to you. No problem.

1011
00:55:21.360 --> 00:55:40.780
I also had a question. When you've been single for so long, how do you get out of that independence? Because I've been single for so long, like I've been single for 17 years and it's like I am so hyper independent now.

1012
00:55:40.780 --> 00:55:51.760
Like it's almost like, okay, I want a man in my life, but I am so independent. It's like who's going to, who's going to, the toilet gets plugged, who's going to do it?

1013
00:55:51.760 --> 00:55:58.580
Well, I have to do it because there is not a man there. So how do you get out of that mindset?

1014
00:55:58.580 --> 00:56:08.680
One step at a time. And I know this seems simple and people be like, oh, I'm going to ask somebody else to help me with my groceries, but really asking somebody to help you over and over and over again.

1015
00:56:08.980 --> 00:56:14.240
Letting people in your life do stuff, even if they're not a man. So if they offer, let someone do it.

1016
00:56:14.240 --> 00:56:26.820
But the truth is Renee, whoever, whoever, whoever the Lord has in your love story for you is going to have to help cultivate that part of you because you've had to take care of things yourself for 17 years.

1017
00:56:26.920 --> 00:56:32.280
That doesn't just go away, but every person comes with an area that has to be cultivated.

1018
00:56:32.280 --> 00:56:41.760
And so that's why we can't be too quick to come with all of these lists of questions when you first meet a person and want to X people out because of certain things, because you don't understand.

1019
00:56:42.360 --> 00:56:50.660
The understanding has to come that God designed us to be cultivated by the other person because we sharpen each other.

1020
00:56:50.660 --> 00:56:58.880
And when you get ahead of yourself and ask all these questions way ahead of time and you don't know their heart, you don't have anything to measure them by.

1021
00:56:59.420 --> 00:57:07.140
It's your judgment. And so know that there are some things this man is going to come and help cultivate out of you.

1022
00:57:07.380 --> 00:57:12.800
There are parts of you that's going to be healed in their relationship. I've been doing things on my own.

1023
00:57:12.900 --> 00:57:17.680
I've been a single woman for a lot of years. And when I was married, I was doing everything then.

1024
00:57:18.000 --> 00:57:23.980
Yes, my husband is going to have his work cut out for him, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to partner with the man.

1025
00:57:23.980 --> 00:57:30.740
That doesn't mean I'm not willing to catch myself going one way and I pull myself back in and say, no, that's not how we're going to do this.

1026
00:57:30.740 --> 00:57:39.020
So it's a matter of are you willing to partner with the man when he comes along and to say this is hard, but I am going to do this.

1027
00:57:39.060 --> 00:57:45.040
Right. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. Oh, you're welcome.

1028
00:57:45.920 --> 00:57:54.380
All right. Vernon, Vern. I don't know why I said Vernon because you put your whole name, I ain't never seen your whole name before.

1029
00:57:55.520 --> 00:57:58.040
Yes, I got my whole name in there today.

1030
00:57:59.020 --> 00:58:00.180
Is it Vernender?

1031
00:58:00.700 --> 00:58:01.560
It's Vernender.

1032
00:58:02.340 --> 00:58:02.820
Vernender.

1033
00:58:03.320 --> 00:58:09.000
Vernender. Well, I got my sticks with me today. I had to beat some people off. These my war sticks right here.

1034
00:58:09.260 --> 00:58:11.300
You had to beat me and Apple the sticks here.

1035
00:58:11.300 --> 00:58:11.600
Yeah.

1036
00:58:15.320 --> 00:58:22.160
Listen, I can tell you guys, I am really enjoying myself, but I'm talking to people.

1037
00:58:22.300 --> 00:58:27.420
I just ain't had no dates yet. I talk to people all the time, all the time.

1038
00:58:28.860 --> 00:58:33.460
But we'll get to this little place where like one of them, this guy.

1039
00:58:33.540 --> 00:58:38.980
OK, let me tell you what I did. I changed up a little bit and I saw I saw a couple of people said that they were preachers.

1040
00:58:38.980 --> 00:58:42.760
You know, they were ministers. So I said, let me see what they saying over here.

1041
00:58:43.320 --> 00:58:52.680
And so one guy, he asked me, he said, are you that queen I've been searching for?

1042
00:59:00.960 --> 00:59:07.840
Are you that queen that I've been searching for? Are you that queen who knows God?

1043
00:59:08.860 --> 00:59:13.120
Wait, who's. Oh, no, she is in God.

1044
00:59:14.160 --> 00:59:18.420
And see, that was no brainer for me. So I gave him a list. I gave him I did.

1045
00:59:18.420 --> 00:59:28.780
I did give him some information on that. And I think he needed he needed less because I think he was like, I think you got too much.

1046
00:59:29.780 --> 00:59:37.140
All I told him was that I just told him was that I am confident in who I am.

1047
00:59:37.140 --> 00:59:46.260
I do know what I want. I have talked to some people before my kid's dad.

1048
00:59:46.520 --> 00:59:52.900
And not that I'm just comparing to that in a sense, but I know what happened then.

1049
00:59:53.340 --> 00:59:56.640
And I do. I'm not going to compromise is what I'm saying.

1050
00:59:56.740 --> 00:59:59.980
I'm not going to compromise on the part in reference to me and my relationship.

1051
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.680
relationship with Christ. So I'm not going to compromise on that. And so I am, I do ministry in my church

1052
01:00:07.500 --> 01:00:08.140
and

1053
01:00:08.340 --> 01:00:14.160
I'm not gonna compromise with with those things. I, I did, I did

1054
01:00:14.800 --> 01:00:16.840
kind of, I

1055
01:00:16.840 --> 01:00:23.060
won't say compromise, but my, my brother, my brother-in-law said, like if people say like they occasionally

1056
01:00:23.520 --> 01:00:25.160
drink or whatever,

1057
01:00:25.680 --> 01:00:34.100
he say, maybe they just do like him, you know, just socially drink or whatever. And that's still kind of, I

1058
01:00:34.100 --> 01:00:41.120
don't, you know, but I'm still interested. I'll still talk to them and everything. I'm not kicking him, kicking him to the curb.

1059
01:00:41.380 --> 01:00:43.900
I still want to see, because I know on there

1060
01:00:43.900 --> 01:00:47.980
it acts like, because I've seen people who say it often and that kind of stuff,

1061
01:00:48.040 --> 01:00:51.300
but most of the people have said like occasionally. But anyway,

1062
01:00:51.300 --> 01:00:59.560
so this guy and I had started talking for just a little bit, was holding some conversations, and then he just went silent.

1063
01:01:00.920 --> 01:01:01.560
And

1064
01:01:01.560 --> 01:01:03.120
then my other guy,

1065
01:01:04.020 --> 01:01:08.220
he went silent. So I was like, well, maybe I'm too, maybe I'm too

1066
01:01:08.780 --> 01:01:11.340
young for them, because they were like 70,

1067
01:01:12.960 --> 01:01:15.580
70 and 71. And

1068
01:01:16.360 --> 01:01:17.000
I,

1069
01:01:17.000 --> 01:01:21.780
again, I have a guy now, and he was very comical.

1070
01:01:22.100 --> 01:01:28.240
I got a couple things out there where we were kind of talking a little bit, that we just started talking in the last

1071
01:01:28.740 --> 01:01:34.760
day or so. And so, and one guy, he was really comical, and

1072
01:01:34.760 --> 01:01:37.200
he sent me something, and I

1073
01:01:38.340 --> 01:01:39.940
just answered him tonight,

1074
01:01:40.380 --> 01:01:44.920
because when I'm at work, I can't be talking to anybody. I'm supposed to be working.

1075
01:01:44.920 --> 01:01:51.000
So, so I'll see how those go. I had one that was 68, and

1076
01:01:51.880 --> 01:01:55.940
he was really nice. And then there was one who was 57.

1077
01:01:57.080 --> 01:01:58.720
He was really nice, and

1078
01:02:00.040 --> 01:02:03.200
I will answer, but he's from South Carolina, and

1079
01:02:04.260 --> 01:02:09.860
I'm from Atlanta, but I was still interested in just seeing what he's saying.

1080
01:02:10.740 --> 01:02:17.520
But, yeah, so. So I want to say this, and I don't know how long you're talking with these guys before things go flat,

1081
01:02:18.060 --> 01:02:21.720
but the quick, the fastest way to get dates,

1082
01:02:22.580 --> 01:02:25.420
and when you start, they come, they can come real rapid.

1083
01:02:26.920 --> 01:02:27.500
Date locally.

1084
01:02:28.440 --> 01:02:29.960
Yeah. Within a week.

1085
01:02:30.800 --> 01:02:32.340
Yeah. You need to be at a coffee date.

1086
01:02:32.560 --> 01:02:38.240
So you're talking to them the first day, after the first day, the second day when you get to know them, like offer, say

1087
01:02:38.240 --> 01:02:40.700
let's do a Zoom call, and let's meet for coffee.

1088
01:02:41.200 --> 01:02:45.020
And then in between that time, if it's at the end of the week,

1089
01:02:46.920 --> 01:02:48.420
space your talking time.

1090
01:02:49.700 --> 01:02:52.960
Mm-hmm. Don't give them a lot of talking time. Does that make sense?

1091
01:02:54.420 --> 01:02:56.360
We haven't been doing a lot of talking time.

1092
01:02:56.380 --> 01:03:01.780
Oh, no, I was just giving you a formula for like the next guys that come along, when you start liking somebody.

1093
01:03:01.900 --> 01:03:06.440
If you want to nail in those dates, I found this to work well for me.

1094
01:03:06.440 --> 01:03:06.880
Okay.

1095
01:03:08.220 --> 01:03:14.220
I give less time to talk and like, let's get it, you know, let's get the date scheduled.

1096
01:03:14.300 --> 01:03:16.680
Now, if it's two weeks, you're going to obviously talk a little bit more.

1097
01:03:16.740 --> 01:03:22.420
I'm not saying just don't talk to a person, but don't oversaturate yourself in conversation with them,

1098
01:03:22.700 --> 01:03:24.680
because unless they feel unsafe,

1099
01:03:24.880 --> 01:03:29.320
but then they can just start to say stuff that kind of turn you off, and what you're just trying to do is get to

1100
01:03:29.320 --> 01:03:31.160
the date, if a person feels safe.

1101
01:03:31.760 --> 01:03:36.120
And another thing is, when he said like, are you the queen I'm looking for?

1102
01:03:36.180 --> 01:03:38.720
And you're like, well, I know what I want, so I just told him all about me.

1103
01:03:39.240 --> 01:03:42.540
It will serve you better just to say, well, we'll find out.

1104
01:03:42.600 --> 01:03:44.420
Are you interested in grabbing a cup of coffee?

1105
01:03:46.240 --> 01:03:52.220
Because when a woman lists who she is or everything about her worth,

1106
01:03:52.520 --> 01:03:54.820
that is intimidating to a man.

1107
01:03:56.140 --> 01:03:57.740
You're not trying to marry him.

1108
01:03:57.740 --> 01:03:59.200
You're trying to get to him.

1109
01:03:59.860 --> 01:04:02.960
And so I don't, he don't even need to know that stuff about Vern.

1110
01:04:03.040 --> 01:04:05.460
So you just say some flirt, flirtish bit.

1111
01:04:05.660 --> 01:04:09.060
Like, I don't know about all that, but are you interested in a coffee date?

1112
01:04:09.140 --> 01:04:11.180
Like, we'll have to find out.

1113
01:04:12.100 --> 01:04:13.640
You know, something real light.

1114
01:04:14.720 --> 01:04:18.500
Even if they, even if, you know, like,

1115
01:04:18.680 --> 01:04:21.520
keep stuff very surface to get to the date.

1116
01:04:23.280 --> 01:04:24.320
Mm hmm.

1117
01:04:24.500 --> 01:04:27.680
Because after the date and you want to see them again,

1118
01:04:27.760 --> 01:04:30.300
that's when you start to see a little bit more.

1119
01:04:30.860 --> 01:04:32.440
But our goal is the date.

1120
01:04:33.920 --> 01:04:35.380
No mistake about it.

1121
01:04:35.540 --> 01:04:36.380
Right. OK.

1122
01:04:37.540 --> 01:04:38.320
Just the date.

1123
01:04:39.560 --> 01:04:39.920
OK.

1124
01:04:40.940 --> 01:04:42.780
OK, I got it.

1125
01:04:43.360 --> 01:04:44.580
Vern, I know you could get a date.

1126
01:04:45.620 --> 01:04:46.760
I really do.

1127
01:04:46.840 --> 01:04:50.060
I really believe in your ability to get a date because there are a lot of men

1128
01:04:50.060 --> 01:04:51.680
talking to you, you can get a date.

1129
01:04:51.800 --> 01:04:54.540
And I know how it feels to have all these men talking and you don't get a date.

1130
01:04:54.680 --> 01:04:56.040
I get it. I've done that before.

1131
01:04:56.480 --> 01:04:57.200
Yeah. But.

1132
01:04:58.200 --> 01:04:59.380
Let's try this method.

1133
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.480
Okay, well, these two, we'll see what these three that I kind of met like yesterday, yesterday and today.

1134
01:05:09.060 --> 01:05:09.640
Okay.

1135
01:05:09.980 --> 01:05:11.000
We'll see how that goes.

1136
01:05:11.960 --> 01:05:13.320
Okay. All right, y'all.

1137
01:05:13.500 --> 01:05:13.980
All right.

1138
01:05:14.280 --> 01:05:16.120
Get that date. They said get that date, Vern.

1139
01:05:16.300 --> 01:05:16.560
Candy.

1140
01:05:20.760 --> 01:05:24.280
And while Candy is coming on, ladies, we have two more.

1141
01:05:24.960 --> 01:05:27.200
Alicia, oh, Stephanie just jumped in, and Sarah.

1142
01:05:27.420 --> 01:05:31.220
But we are going to wrap up at 815 Olayna 820 tonight.

1143
01:05:31.260 --> 01:05:32.240
It is 807.

1144
01:05:32.600 --> 01:05:35.100
And so I will talk fast if you talk fast.

1145
01:05:38.440 --> 01:05:39.520
Oh, Candy.

1146
01:05:40.300 --> 01:05:42.080
You got to run, Sarah.

1147
01:05:42.760 --> 01:05:43.320
No.

1148
01:05:43.420 --> 01:05:43.920
I know.

1149
01:05:43.920 --> 01:05:44.760
I'm just messing with you.

1150
01:05:44.760 --> 01:05:47.060
I hope you enjoyed your time.

1151
01:05:47.280 --> 01:05:48.120
All right.

1152
01:05:48.440 --> 01:05:48.900
Candy.

1153
01:05:50.640 --> 01:05:51.600
Candy girl.

1154
01:05:53.640 --> 01:05:54.120
Hello.

1155
01:05:55.120 --> 01:05:55.600
Hello.

1156
01:05:55.820 --> 01:05:56.240
I'm sorry.

1157
01:05:56.480 --> 01:05:56.500
Yeah.

1158
01:05:57.800 --> 01:05:58.280
Okay.

1159
01:05:58.660 --> 01:05:59.140
Yeah.

1160
01:05:59.600 --> 01:06:04.500
So, um, no, actually, if you want to hear the update from last week on.

1161
01:06:04.860 --> 01:06:05.980
I mean, it didn't go.

1162
01:06:06.160 --> 01:06:07.380
It didn't go well.

1163
01:06:07.800 --> 01:06:11.200
So, yeah.

1164
01:06:11.820 --> 01:06:12.240
Yeah.

1165
01:06:12.240 --> 01:06:12.280
Yeah.

1166
01:06:12.280 --> 01:06:17.420
So, you know, he's looking, he's, he's looking for, he's looking for a lot of yellow.

1167
01:06:17.420 --> 01:06:18.340
I think he's not.

1168
01:06:18.640 --> 01:06:21.380
I'm sure he's not coached being a coach.

1169
01:06:21.600 --> 01:06:21.800
Right.

1170
01:06:22.140 --> 01:06:25.800
Seems to me that he's looking a lot of yellow flags as a reflex.

1171
01:06:27.020 --> 01:06:27.320
Okay.

1172
01:06:27.560 --> 01:06:30.640
So he's looking for exact trend of him.

1173
01:06:30.960 --> 01:06:33.100
So, so then, you know, that's over.

1174
01:06:33.120 --> 01:06:36.540
But anyway, I have a question about, because I, I saw.

1175
01:06:36.820 --> 01:06:39.000
I get into the Facebook dating app.

1176
01:06:39.000 --> 01:06:41.340
And there's a lot of guys are in Catholic.

1177
01:06:42.940 --> 01:06:47.200
They, they're Catholics. So how, how do I handle that?

1178
01:06:47.240 --> 01:06:49.400
Like, do I ask them question?

1179
01:06:49.640 --> 01:06:50.980
If I ask them question.

1180
01:06:52.600 --> 01:06:53.340
Let's see.

1181
01:06:54.320 --> 01:06:54.740
Oh, sorry.

1182
01:06:55.220 --> 01:06:56.780
What do you want to date?

1183
01:06:57.280 --> 01:06:58.300
Do you want to go on a date?

1184
01:06:59.120 --> 01:07:00.880
Well, yes and no, but.

1185
01:07:01.920 --> 01:07:04.580
If it's just for experience, yes, but I'm not really.

1186
01:07:04.580 --> 01:07:07.820
Well, I guess, I don't know. I really don't know.

1187
01:07:08.000 --> 01:07:09.360
Because last time I think.

1188
01:07:09.520 --> 01:07:11.620
Carla was mentioning color. Right.

1189
01:07:12.420 --> 01:07:14.020
It was mentioned in the group. There's something.

1190
01:07:14.720 --> 01:07:17.140
Some people actually dating people from who is Catholic.

1191
01:07:17.680 --> 01:07:20.980
So I don't know how in reality, how the Catholics.

1192
01:07:22.480 --> 01:07:25.940
You know, if one, one person's a Catholic, the other person's question.

1193
01:07:26.340 --> 01:07:28.720
How do they, how do they handle that?

1194
01:07:29.080 --> 01:07:32.380
No, it's not a conflict, but also conflict.

1195
01:07:33.300 --> 01:07:35.440
It is definitely, it can be a conflict.

1196
01:07:36.060 --> 01:07:39.980
But if you want to date, just go, you can go on a date with the Catholic.

1197
01:07:40.400 --> 01:07:43.220
You know, at least, you know, y'all believe in the same basis of a thing.

1198
01:07:43.240 --> 01:07:47.360
You just, well, you, you kind of believe the same, right?

1199
01:07:48.320 --> 01:07:49.660
That's the case for a date,

1200
01:07:49.780 --> 01:07:53.600
but you never really know how strong a person is in whatever they say they

1201
01:07:53.600 --> 01:07:53.940
believe.

1202
01:07:55.140 --> 01:07:57.320
And so that's what you can't determine.

1203
01:07:57.320 --> 01:08:01.460
And it's not best to try to determine it through a series of questioning.

1204
01:08:01.680 --> 01:08:03.960
If you want to go on a date and get to know a person,

1205
01:08:04.260 --> 01:08:08.780
go on a date and get to know them to get boxes checked before you do that

1206
01:08:08.780 --> 01:08:10.600
is to put a lot on the line,

1207
01:08:10.600 --> 01:08:14.340
to believe that it could be something that is not no matter how many boxes

1208
01:08:14.340 --> 01:08:16.319
they check. It doesn't mean that they're your spouse.

1209
01:08:17.200 --> 01:08:20.520
But if you think that you've covered stuff by checking boxes,

1210
01:08:20.520 --> 01:08:22.800
you set yourself up for an expectation.

1211
01:08:22.800 --> 01:08:26.540
You put an expectation that that there probably will not go well for you.

1212
01:08:26.540 --> 01:08:28.960
And so it's always best if they're Catholic,

1213
01:08:29.100 --> 01:08:30.859
I'll get to know a Catholic person.

1214
01:08:31.540 --> 01:08:33.180
You can get to know them,

1215
01:08:33.300 --> 01:08:38.420
go out on a date and just get to know them because you never know how

1216
01:08:38.420 --> 01:08:42.819
committed someone is. Just like, um, heaven said, she's talking to this guy.

1217
01:08:42.979 --> 01:08:45.460
She didn't realize he was, he had posted that he was agnostic.

1218
01:08:46.479 --> 01:08:48.340
She wouldn't make him saw that he was agnostic.

1219
01:08:48.640 --> 01:08:50.200
She's like, Oh, we're going to have to talk about this.

1220
01:08:50.260 --> 01:08:51.880
Come to find out he's not even agnostic.

1221
01:08:53.240 --> 01:08:55.600
Now I'm not telling anybody to click on somebody's agnostic.

1222
01:08:55.600 --> 01:08:58.080
Cause I definitely would not select a person that's agnostic.

1223
01:08:58.319 --> 01:09:01.359
I ain't even going to ask him about it cause I ain't going to talk to him.

1224
01:09:02.260 --> 01:09:05.340
But, um, like that's just not, I'm not going to select it.

1225
01:09:06.439 --> 01:09:09.140
But however, she didn't know. And when she did talk to him,

1226
01:09:09.140 --> 01:09:09.920
it really wasn't it.

1227
01:09:09.939 --> 01:09:12.319
I know people who talk to people that say they're Catholic all the time,

1228
01:09:12.319 --> 01:09:15.340
and they're really not sold. They started going to their Pentecostal church.

1229
01:09:16.540 --> 01:09:16.540


1230
01:09:18.520 --> 01:09:21.040
Normally I would ask them, you know, at the beginning, I'll ask them, Oh,

1231
01:09:21.100 --> 01:09:22.960
you know, if they did not put down their religions,

1232
01:09:22.960 --> 01:09:26.140
I would put ask them what is the religions. And then they say Catholic.

1233
01:09:26.580 --> 01:09:30.720
Then I said, then I just, I don't want to get deep into it. Just, Oh, I know.

1234
01:09:30.760 --> 01:09:32.620
Okay. They, they, at least they have a religions.

1235
01:09:33.560 --> 01:09:37.100
But I'm just saying like, let's say if, um,

1236
01:09:37.100 --> 01:09:40.660
I'm not sure whether this is a phase two question could be a phase three

1237
01:09:40.660 --> 01:09:44.399
questions. Like how did they actually, uh,

1238
01:09:44.399 --> 01:09:47.340
how did they work out together if they have different religions?

1239
01:09:47.939 --> 01:09:50.620
Well, that's not going to work out unless you're willing. If they,

1240
01:09:50.620 --> 01:09:53.660
if they like a diehard Catholic, you won't have to convert.

1241
01:09:53.859 --> 01:09:57.140
If you don't mind converting them. And if they're,

1242
01:09:57.340 --> 01:09:59.860
so that's how it works with Catholicism.

1243
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.740
You're going to have to convert if they're in it like that.

1244
01:10:04.040 --> 01:10:06.740
But it's not a level three because that's exclusivity.

1245
01:10:07.020 --> 01:10:09.140
So that means you've been dating them for two to three months

1246
01:10:09.140 --> 01:10:11.080
unless they actually go exclusive in one month.

1247
01:10:11.240 --> 01:10:12.680
But if you've been two, three months,

1248
01:10:12.720 --> 01:10:13.820
you've got some skin in the game.

1249
01:10:13.900 --> 01:10:16.020
Because by the time you get to know a person for a month,

1250
01:10:16.020 --> 01:10:17.640
there's no reason why you can't bring up

1251
01:10:17.640 --> 01:10:19.800
to them what they believe in.

1252
01:10:19.820 --> 01:10:20.260
Right.

1253
01:10:20.700 --> 01:10:23.160
Right, when you talk about surface level questions,

1254
01:10:23.160 --> 01:10:25.080
you're talking about the first three days.

1255
01:10:25.620 --> 01:10:26.060
Right.

1256
01:10:26.340 --> 01:10:27.920
But after that, you're naturally,

1257
01:10:27.920 --> 01:10:30.020
because a conversation is progressing,

1258
01:10:30.200 --> 01:10:31.980
you're naturally going to progress.

1259
01:10:32.780 --> 01:10:33.300
Correct, right.

1260
01:10:33.380 --> 01:10:36.220
Right, and so at that point, you can just say,

1261
01:10:36.300 --> 01:10:38.700
I noticed on your profile that you were Catholic.

1262
01:10:39.240 --> 01:10:42.720
Can you share with me a little bit more about that?

1263
01:10:43.040 --> 01:10:45.160
You know, my faith is very important to me

1264
01:10:45.160 --> 01:10:46.420
and I saw that you were Catholic.

1265
01:10:46.560 --> 01:10:48.620
Can you share a little bit more about that?

1266
01:10:49.060 --> 01:10:50.320
Right, so let's say they share,

1267
01:10:50.340 --> 01:10:51.600
they said that one of them,

1268
01:10:51.620 --> 01:10:55.780
they said that they all share in a Catholic church, right?

1269
01:10:55.780 --> 01:10:59.180
So let's say, for myself,

1270
01:10:59.380 --> 01:11:00.980
if I don't really believe Catholic,

1271
01:11:02.060 --> 01:11:04.660
then why even bother to go out with this person?

1272
01:11:05.880 --> 01:11:08.220
Well, see, the thing about it is, Candy,

1273
01:11:08.900 --> 01:11:10.860
you're trying to lock down something.

1274
01:11:11.060 --> 01:11:12.380
You're living ahead of time.

1275
01:11:13.160 --> 01:11:15.240
You're putting the cart before the horse.

1276
01:11:16.180 --> 01:11:16.520
Okay.

1277
01:11:17.040 --> 01:11:20.540
It sounds like, you can correct me,

1278
01:11:20.580 --> 01:11:23.040
you may not be sold on dating for discovery.

1279
01:11:23.920 --> 01:11:25.180
I'm sorry, say again?

1280
01:11:25.180 --> 01:11:28.640
See, dating for discovery says, I'm just going on a date.

1281
01:11:29.700 --> 01:11:30.040
Right.

1282
01:11:30.280 --> 01:11:32.240
But if you keep trying to get concrete,

1283
01:11:32.380 --> 01:11:34.120
then you're not dating just to go on a date.

1284
01:11:35.200 --> 01:11:36.720
Well, because in the back of my head,

1285
01:11:36.800 --> 01:11:40.440
I already have a wall, you know,

1286
01:11:40.660 --> 01:11:43.860
thinking that, oh, this is not the type that I want.

1287
01:11:43.940 --> 01:11:48.140
Then I might not act normally, you know?

1288
01:11:48.140 --> 01:11:49.880
I might have a resistance.

1289
01:11:50.660 --> 01:11:51.760
I get it.

1290
01:11:52.320 --> 01:11:53.440
I get it.

1291
01:11:53.440 --> 01:11:55.140
So there's two perspectives to this.

1292
01:11:55.140 --> 01:11:56.480
If you date for discovery,

1293
01:11:56.580 --> 01:11:59.200
it really doesn't matter if they're Catholic or Pentecostal.

1294
01:11:59.840 --> 01:12:01.180
They believe in Jesus.

1295
01:12:02.400 --> 01:12:02.880
Okay.

1296
01:12:02.880 --> 01:12:04.060
You want to date a Christian?

1297
01:12:05.620 --> 01:12:06.100
They're Christian.

1298
01:12:07.500 --> 01:12:09.040
That's the truth.

1299
01:12:09.140 --> 01:12:10.760
Oh, so just go out with any boxes.

1300
01:12:11.000 --> 01:12:12.680
If you are dating to marry,

1301
01:12:12.780 --> 01:12:14.880
if you're saying, if they don't check these boxes,

1302
01:12:14.980 --> 01:12:16.820
I'm not even investing at all.

1303
01:12:16.960 --> 01:12:17.440
Right.

1304
01:12:17.920 --> 01:12:20.780
Well, then you missed the opportunity to invest in you

1305
01:12:20.780 --> 01:12:22.880
because you think it's about investing in them,

1306
01:12:22.880 --> 01:12:25.980
but dating for discovery is about investing in you.

1307
01:12:26.900 --> 01:12:27.460
Okay.

1308
01:12:27.460 --> 01:12:28.780
It's about investing in you

1309
01:12:28.780 --> 01:12:33.740
and your ability to release and go with the process.

1310
01:12:34.960 --> 01:12:35.520
Okay.

1311
01:12:35.520 --> 01:12:37.700
Because what you think you know, you don't know.

1312
01:12:39.680 --> 01:12:41.820
You don't know these people.

1313
01:12:41.940 --> 01:12:44.400
The boxes that you have that you measure people by

1314
01:12:44.400 --> 01:12:47.460
are no count when it comes to the heart of an individual.

1315
01:12:47.820 --> 01:12:49.200
And that you don't know.

1316
01:12:49.720 --> 01:12:51.240
You have no insight on it.

1317
01:12:51.240 --> 01:12:53.340
And when somebody does check your boxes

1318
01:12:53.340 --> 01:12:56.300
to show that they are whatever your standards are,

1319
01:12:56.360 --> 01:12:59.020
that could be so far away from what Canda needs

1320
01:12:59.020 --> 01:13:01.440
to help her grow and to help her become.

1321
01:13:03.040 --> 01:13:05.860
And so part of this process is investing in you

1322
01:13:05.860 --> 01:13:08.500
and releasing the pen and stepping out

1323
01:13:08.500 --> 01:13:10.500
and getting to know people,

1324
01:13:13.020 --> 01:13:16.100
which builds capacity for marriage.

1325
01:13:18.840 --> 01:13:19.460
Okay.

1326
01:13:19.460 --> 01:13:21.280
That's what I'm saying.

1327
01:13:21.600 --> 01:13:21.900
So.

1328
01:13:22.440 --> 01:13:23.040
All right.

1329
01:13:23.680 --> 01:13:27.040
So then I'll be so busy that I have to go out to date.

1330
01:13:27.820 --> 01:13:28.780
There'll be so many.

1331
01:13:30.400 --> 01:13:31.400
Well, let's see.

1332
01:13:31.440 --> 01:13:32.820
You should have a lot of fun then.

1333
01:13:33.580 --> 01:13:35.260
Yeah, but then I'm not interested to go

1334
01:13:35.260 --> 01:13:36.800
because like I said to you before,

1335
01:13:37.160 --> 01:13:38.160
I went out with one guy

1336
01:13:38.160 --> 01:13:41.920
and I know before I go out to have a dinner with him,

1337
01:13:41.940 --> 01:13:43.760
I already know that he's not my type.

1338
01:13:44.120 --> 01:13:46.200
I already know, but I went out anyway.

1339
01:13:46.200 --> 01:13:49.640
And then he can sense it

1340
01:13:49.640 --> 01:13:51.940
and he didn't pay for the meals, which is fine.

1341
01:13:52.240 --> 01:13:55.460
And then at the end, when I tried to decline him,

1342
01:13:55.520 --> 01:13:58.380
he said, oh, it's because he did not pay for a meal.

1343
01:13:58.440 --> 01:13:59.140
But it's not true.

1344
01:13:59.620 --> 01:14:01.180
I don't mind to pay for the meal.

1345
01:14:01.500 --> 01:14:04.380
But what I'm saying is this backfire me.

1346
01:14:05.220 --> 01:14:05.700
That kind of thing.

1347
01:14:06.220 --> 01:14:07.000
It didn't backfire on you.

1348
01:14:07.020 --> 01:14:08.360
He should have paid for your meal.

1349
01:14:08.460 --> 01:14:09.780
And I'm glad he thought that.

1350
01:14:09.780 --> 01:14:11.880
He shouldn't take no woman out he don't want to pay.

1351
01:14:12.360 --> 01:14:14.220
Now I'm just telling you, Canda now,

1352
01:14:14.280 --> 01:14:15.940
it didn't backfire on you.

1353
01:14:15.940 --> 01:14:18.460
The reason why you feel like it may be backfired on you

1354
01:14:18.460 --> 01:14:20.420
is the way that you're processing it.

1355
01:14:20.420 --> 01:14:22.000
It didn't backfire on you.

1356
01:14:22.000 --> 01:14:23.680
You got the date.

1357
01:14:23.840 --> 01:14:25.340
That was the goal.

1358
01:14:27.400 --> 01:14:27.800
Okay.

1359
01:14:27.860 --> 01:14:30.140
You don't make that the goal

1360
01:14:30.380 --> 01:14:32.540
then it's gonna feel like it's not working.

1361
01:14:32.620 --> 01:14:34.120
So I feel like I'm using him, no?

1362
01:14:34.180 --> 01:14:35.220
I've been using him now.

1363
01:14:35.520 --> 01:14:36.300
That ain't possible.

1364
01:14:36.360 --> 01:14:37.360
You paid for the date.

1365
01:14:37.740 --> 01:14:38.860
Yeah, I pay for the date.

1366
01:14:38.940 --> 01:14:39.460
I don't mind.

1367
01:14:39.520 --> 01:14:41.180
But I'm saying if he paid for the date,

1368
01:14:41.180 --> 01:14:42.940
then I feel like I'm using him.

1369
01:14:42.940 --> 01:14:44.060
You're not using him.

1370
01:14:44.340 --> 01:14:45.280
That's not true.

1371
01:14:45.280 --> 01:14:47.640
That man don't, he ain't looking at you.

1372
01:14:47.640 --> 01:14:49.120
What, you gonna go to the alter and say,

1373
01:14:49.180 --> 01:14:50.320
I do the next day?

1374
01:14:52.520 --> 01:14:55.200
No, but then there's a possibility to continue

1375
01:14:55.220 --> 01:14:56.880
to have conversations.

1376
01:14:57.460 --> 01:14:58.540
So I'm not even feel like-

1377
01:14:58.540 --> 01:14:59.980
But you are one possibility.

1378
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.000
Ability of another 20 possibility. It's called dating

1379
01:15:04.680 --> 01:15:09.980
Uh-huh. Y'all can get down the road and he figure out, you know, I really don't like her perspective on this

1380
01:15:09.980 --> 01:15:13.280
Oh, well, it's done you one month in and y'all been paying for stuff

1381
01:15:13.820 --> 01:15:18.480
That's what dating does it helps you get to know a person and so

1382
01:15:18.480 --> 01:15:22.860
What you can do is to feel like you're not using a person if you want every time you go on the date

1383
01:15:22.860 --> 01:15:24.520
You just go go Dutch

1384
01:15:25.200 --> 01:15:25.660
Yeah

1385
01:15:25.660 --> 01:15:30.540
That is not you that yeah, that's fine. But then if I saw someone that's not my type

1386
01:15:30.540 --> 01:15:35.500
Oh, no, you look older than on his picture. I already I already get turned off so quickly

1387
01:15:36.180 --> 01:15:39.680
I know candy, but you're using you're using one example

1388
01:15:40.660 --> 01:15:41.220
to

1389
01:15:41.460 --> 01:15:42.820
to kind of like

1390
01:15:44.320 --> 01:15:49.460
To go against the principle that I'm giving you. Okay, I understand you can't do that

1391
01:15:50.180 --> 01:15:56.880
Date for discovery and get to know candy or you're choosing to make sure that they meet a certain level of qualifications

1392
01:15:56.880 --> 01:15:59.740
Before you go out. It's your choice

1393
01:16:00.280 --> 01:16:07.120
Okay is your choice? And so you can set your dating profile to only show you Christians and not Catholics

1394
01:16:07.640 --> 01:16:10.960
You get to choose there. No, there's no pressure for me

1395
01:16:10.960 --> 01:16:16.920
But I want you to know when you date for discovery the date within itself is the the goal

1396
01:16:16.920 --> 01:16:17.400
nothing

1397
01:16:18.240 --> 01:16:18.720
Okay

1398
01:16:20.440 --> 01:16:27.500
You don't feel like he's dangerous then he can be a good person to go on a date. Okay. All right

1399
01:16:27.500 --> 01:16:30.860
I don't change my perspective. In other words. Yeah

1400
01:16:31.280 --> 01:16:34.620
Have to tell myself. Yeah, I had to change my perspective. Okay

1401
01:16:35.160 --> 01:16:36.680
Yeah, you're welcome in

1402
01:16:36.960 --> 01:16:40.960
Alicia you're up next and just for everybody listen, you won't always date for discovery

1403
01:16:41.340 --> 01:16:43.880
You won't always date in this phase at some point

1404
01:16:43.880 --> 01:16:48.540
You're gonna transition after you learn enough about yourself. You're gonna be dating for spirit DNA

1405
01:16:49.720 --> 01:16:54.320
You're not gonna always date everybody. He's in a different season of life

1406
01:16:54.660 --> 01:16:58.800
Let me tell you if you're 70 like him who looks amazing

1407
01:16:59.460 --> 01:17:04.480
If you are you're not gonna keep dating for discovery at your age you come on now you 70

1408
01:17:04.880 --> 01:17:09.500
Like you a 70 if a 70 year old man don't know what he won't then

1409
01:17:09.500 --> 01:17:15.680
It ain't even worth it you're at an age settle in life where decisions can make that's why people who are up in age

1410
01:17:15.680 --> 01:17:17.580
They can get married much quicker

1411
01:17:18.920 --> 01:17:21.720
They know what they know they won't they live

1412
01:17:22.280 --> 01:17:27.220
They ain't got time on their side like somebody who's in their 20s, and I'm just saying that you know

1413
01:17:27.220 --> 01:17:28.840
Like that's a real thing

1414
01:17:28.840 --> 01:17:35.700
And so you deal with your heart you work through some things through a little dating and then you you keep moving

1415
01:17:35.700 --> 01:17:39.620
You right cuz you're dating for discovery you're learning about yourself

1416
01:17:39.620 --> 01:17:44.140
And I just think that's something that we have to keep in mind. We think that we'll be in this phase forever

1417
01:17:44.520 --> 01:17:46.860
You won't date for discovery forever

1418
01:17:48.620 --> 01:17:51.100
Because this is refining you

1419
01:17:51.140 --> 01:17:54.840
This is helping you work your boundaries. This is helping you get rid of your

1420
01:17:55.680 --> 01:17:58.040
all of your like

1421
01:17:59.400 --> 01:18:02.940
Entitlement your is helping break you to show people grace

1422
01:18:02.940 --> 01:18:08.000
It's helping you to grow in forgiveness because you're still gonna need these things for marriage. I don't give you a to one and you get

1423
01:18:08.000 --> 01:18:08.300
mad

1424
01:18:09.040 --> 01:18:12.280
Right. It's helping you come down with all your biases

1425
01:18:13.780 --> 01:18:20.760
So it's just working some things out of you got this all this phase is and that's why when we're resistant to dating when you're

1426
01:18:20.760 --> 01:18:26.180
Resisting to the process. It's only it's only just closing out that part of you

1427
01:18:26.360 --> 01:18:33.420
Mm-hmm cuz it won't always be a dating for discovery at the stage that I'm at

1428
01:18:33.420 --> 01:18:38.360
I don't date every single person that reaches out to me. I'm not in dating for discovery anymore

1429
01:18:38.360 --> 01:18:45.240
I did I did that phase. I'm a little more streamlined. I

1430
01:18:45.240 --> 01:18:46.700
Date for a spirit DNA

1431
01:18:46.700 --> 01:18:50.960
I know like everything's cars to get a bit more streamlined at some point

1432
01:18:50.960 --> 01:18:53.840
And so that's just why we encourage you guys to I know it's a 20

1433
01:18:53.840 --> 01:18:59.040
We encourage you guys to enjoy this phase because I'm telling you won't have it always but you can discover so much

1434
01:19:00.600 --> 01:19:05.560
And so have fun with it go for it like they say go for broke

1435
01:19:05.560 --> 01:19:11.360
Yeah, go all in. So thank you candy for sharing. Okay, Alicia or Alicia

1436
01:19:12.040 --> 01:19:13.760
Yep, Alicia. Yep. Hi ladies

1437
01:19:14.060 --> 01:19:19.400
So my question is regarding over sharing early on in the dating process

1438
01:19:19.400 --> 01:19:20.140
So

1439
01:19:20.680 --> 01:19:22.740
How do you navigate?

1440
01:19:23.300 --> 01:19:30.260
the right verbiage to maybe stop a man from over sharing about his past his ex and

1441
01:19:30.260 --> 01:19:34.700
What I noticed is that when they start talking I get that empathetic like oh now

1442
01:19:34.700 --> 01:19:42.940
I'm gonna share all about my business and I in turn and talking for hours and I'm like, this is this shouldn't have happened

1443
01:19:44.660 --> 01:19:46.040
It's not just you

1444
01:19:47.040 --> 01:19:50.980
And so this is what you do and this is your practice to come out of it

1445
01:19:51.020 --> 01:19:56.980
Yeah, so when you do it be like, oh shoot. I did it again, but that you're aware that you did it

1446
01:19:56.980 --> 01:19:59.740
That's what matters most you are now aware

1447
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.720
So what you do is you remind yourself that these people that you're talking to

1448
01:20:04.720 --> 01:20:06.880
have probably never been coached before.

1449
01:20:07.820 --> 01:20:10.960
Men, every man I ever talked to, the first thing they say, I'm an open book.

1450
01:20:11.060 --> 01:20:14.960
And they want to tell you everything upfront because their mind is thinking,

1451
01:20:15.200 --> 01:20:16.300
I'm going to lay it out.

1452
01:20:16.360 --> 01:20:18.320
If you want to move forward, we can move forward.

1453
01:20:18.400 --> 01:20:22.300
If you don't walk away now, that's what they're thinking because men

1454
01:20:22.400 --> 01:20:24.780
invest more in dating than women do.

1455
01:20:25.260 --> 01:20:26.680
Men are the ones carrying the bill.

1456
01:20:26.780 --> 01:20:27.680
They're paying for things.

1457
01:20:27.680 --> 01:20:31.040
And so they're like, let me get all this up front to you.

1458
01:20:31.620 --> 01:20:33.620
So you can decide what you want.

1459
01:20:34.420 --> 01:20:36.300
So that's what they're thinking.

1460
01:20:36.540 --> 01:20:40.300
But at any time when they're talking, saying you can say, Hey, wait one second.

1461
01:20:40.320 --> 01:20:40.780
One second.

1462
01:20:40.940 --> 01:20:44.740
I know that you're sharing and you probably feel very comfortable doing it,

1463
01:20:44.960 --> 01:20:47.820
but I would rather learn these things about you a little bit later

1464
01:20:47.820 --> 01:20:49.100
when we know each other better.

1465
01:20:49.180 --> 01:20:53.160
So how about we talk about something a little bit more lighter?

1466
01:20:53.300 --> 01:20:54.480
How does that sound to you?

1467
01:20:54.640 --> 01:20:57.160
And they're going to say, Oh, Oh, Oh yeah.

1468
01:20:57.160 --> 01:20:59.440
I was just saying, you know, anything you want to know, you ask me,

1469
01:20:59.440 --> 01:21:00.820
thank you for the invitation.

1470
01:21:01.020 --> 01:21:04.480
And I already have your little question on standby that you got from AI.

1471
01:21:04.540 --> 01:21:08.340
If you could be any superhero or something fun, like whoever they're

1472
01:21:08.340 --> 01:21:10.960
talking to, once you feel like the person that pick out a fun question,

1473
01:21:11.500 --> 01:21:15.140
the same thing when y'all in person talking, when you feel it going deep,

1474
01:21:15.320 --> 01:21:18.880
say, Oh boy, I think this is taking a turn that I didn't want to take.

1475
01:21:19.700 --> 01:21:21.220
Let's scurry back over here.

1476
01:21:21.260 --> 01:21:26.800
And then you change the topic and you have to be open up your mouth and

1477
01:21:26.800 --> 01:21:31.140
just do it, interrupt them, drop something, stop the conversation or say,

1478
01:21:31.600 --> 01:21:32.540
Hey, I want to stop right now.

1479
01:21:32.620 --> 01:21:35.600
I just really don't want us to go that deep into things.

1480
01:21:35.680 --> 01:21:36.080
Okay.

1481
01:21:36.140 --> 01:21:36.580
Thank you.

1482
01:21:37.220 --> 01:21:37.600
You're welcome.

1483
01:21:37.980 --> 01:21:39.660
And I say this all the time.

1484
01:21:39.700 --> 01:21:41.500
I was like, Hey, I really don't want to know that.

1485
01:21:41.600 --> 01:21:42.460
Maybe like, it's okay.

1486
01:21:42.460 --> 01:21:44.700
I said, maybe okay for you, but I'm totally going to judge you.

1487
01:21:45.360 --> 01:21:47.640
So please keep it to yourself.

1488
01:21:48.700 --> 01:21:50.420
I am going to make a judgment.

1489
01:21:50.800 --> 01:21:52.000
I know me.

1490
01:21:52.060 --> 01:21:56.380
You tell me that you cheated on your wife that you were married to for 20 years.

1491
01:21:56.380 --> 01:22:00.540
And then while y'all divorced, listen, I ain't gonna go over.

1492
01:22:00.780 --> 01:22:02.480
Ain't gonna be no, I can see your heart.

1493
01:22:02.520 --> 01:22:06.360
I'm telling you right now as a woman who wants to guard herself,

1494
01:22:06.420 --> 01:22:07.940
some of the woo, whoa.

1495
01:22:08.860 --> 01:22:10.440
And then I'm going to keep digging.

1496
01:22:11.640 --> 01:22:14.700
Oh, if he's, you know, like, so yeah.

1497
01:22:14.900 --> 01:22:16.040
Great question, Alicia.

1498
01:22:17.720 --> 01:22:18.880
All right, Sarah.

1499
01:22:19.940 --> 01:22:20.820
iPhone Sarah.

1500
01:22:21.840 --> 01:22:22.360
Hello.

1501
01:22:24.000 --> 01:22:25.120
How are you?

1502
01:22:25.380 --> 01:22:26.000
I'm well.

1503
01:22:26.000 --> 01:22:27.100
How are you saying that?

1504
01:22:27.100 --> 01:22:30.700
I know you're wrapping up, but I just wanted to give a little update.

1505
01:22:31.520 --> 01:22:38.420
Um, you had, you had suggested, cause the last person I brought up was someone

1506
01:22:38.420 --> 01:22:40.680
that lives in my apartment complex.

1507
01:22:40.740 --> 01:22:43.560
I wasn't sure, you know, it was like, is he just being nice?

1508
01:22:43.700 --> 01:22:44.340
Is he not?

1509
01:22:44.880 --> 01:22:51.060
So I did kind of put myself out there and, um, said I wanted to get to know him better.

1510
01:22:51.180 --> 01:22:54.400
And he said, his response was sounds fun.

1511
01:22:54.400 --> 01:22:56.240
I'm really busy the next couple of days.

1512
01:22:56.420 --> 01:22:59.280
Let me check, um, back in with you.

1513
01:22:59.320 --> 01:23:00.660
And he never did.

1514
01:23:00.860 --> 01:23:03.800
So I was really bummed, but that's kind of my answer.

1515
01:23:04.680 --> 01:23:05.600
Oh, man.

1516
01:23:07.240 --> 01:23:08.160
I did.

1517
01:23:08.480 --> 01:23:11.020
And I had like, uh, my friend was in town.

1518
01:23:11.160 --> 01:23:12.760
She was my little hype squad.

1519
01:23:13.200 --> 01:23:16.080
Like, I don't know if I would have done it if she wasn't there.

1520
01:23:16.080 --> 01:23:19.940
Cause I had her like read through all of our, like our text exchange.

1521
01:23:19.940 --> 01:23:22.700
And she's like, oh yeah, you should definitely just go for it.

1522
01:23:22.700 --> 01:23:29.740
So I guess the pro is that I haven't, like, I don't see, I have not seen him, but, um,

1523
01:23:30.880 --> 01:23:38.120
yeah, so that's that, but then I did go to a mixer, um, like two weeks ago and it

1524
01:23:38.120 --> 01:23:39.940
was for like a 40 and up crowd.

1525
01:23:40.020 --> 01:23:42.620
There's only four men and like six women.

1526
01:23:43.640 --> 01:23:46.420
Um, so the odds are really that great.

1527
01:23:46.420 --> 01:23:49.620
And I was like, I had wanted to go to this other mixer that

1528
01:23:49.620 --> 01:23:51.100
was more of a younger crowd.

1529
01:23:51.100 --> 01:23:56.780
And I was kind of a little bit like questioning if I made a good choice,

1530
01:23:56.900 --> 01:23:59.760
but I did exchange numbers with one guy.

1531
01:24:00.440 --> 01:24:05.220
Um, I felt like, like our conversation was pretty good and he asked if I could

1532
01:24:05.220 --> 01:24:07.680
go to drinks with him that weekend.

1533
01:24:07.680 --> 01:24:10.800
I was away last week, so we're going to go this weekend.

1534
01:24:12.480 --> 01:24:13.480
Um, yeah.

1535
01:24:13.480 --> 01:24:20.740
And I have not been on a date in a while, so I'm trying to just, you

1536
01:24:20.740 --> 01:24:23.760
know, not like overanalyze things.

1537
01:24:23.940 --> 01:24:26.340
He's been pretty flirty in his texts.

1538
01:24:27.300 --> 01:24:31.420
Um, like he said, he had thought about walking me to my car and I was like,

1539
01:24:31.500 --> 01:24:32.420
Oh, don't worry about it.

1540
01:24:32.420 --> 01:24:33.420
I felt really safe.

1541
01:24:33.480 --> 01:24:36.460
And he's like, sometimes it's not always about safety.

1542
01:24:36.580 --> 01:24:38.740
And I was like, Oh, okay.

1543
01:24:38.740 --> 01:24:39.160
Yeah.

1544
01:24:39.160 --> 01:24:40.960
You were like, just wanting more time.

1545
01:24:42.900 --> 01:24:46.780
Um, so anyways, we'll see, we'll see how it goes.

1546
01:24:46.820 --> 01:24:48.760
So I'm going out Friday with him.

1547
01:24:51.480 --> 01:24:51.960
Yeah.

1548
01:24:52.580 --> 01:24:53.060
Yeah.

1549
01:24:53.520 --> 01:24:54.700
I'm excited for you.

1550
01:24:54.780 --> 01:24:58.580
And when you see that guy at your apartments again, I'm going to be like,

1551
01:24:58.620 --> 01:24:59.980
I guess we didn't get a chance.

1552
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.400
It's the workout, but it's okay.

1553
01:25:02.840 --> 01:25:06.180
So yeah, don't be with it out when you see me. I'm totally okay.

1554
01:25:07.000 --> 01:25:07.060
Yeah.

1555
01:25:07.220 --> 01:25:10.660
You say something like that. So you won't feel like, oh, I hope I don't see him. I hope I don't see.

1556
01:25:11.000 --> 01:25:20.620
Yes, I know. Because I have kind of been feeling that way. And I'm like, but, uh, yeah, I'm trusting like God will, you know, work it out. It'll be fine.

1557
01:25:21.100 --> 01:25:23.300
Yeah, it will. Yeah, yeah.

1558
01:25:23.320 --> 01:25:24.240
Way to go Sarah.

1559
01:25:24.340 --> 01:25:25.040
Thank you.

1560
01:25:25.820 --> 01:25:26.260
You're welcome.

1561
01:25:27.760 --> 01:25:28.200
Stephanie.

1562
01:25:34.640 --> 01:25:55.520
Hi, I'm off in time to be able to jump on, um, super quick updates. You've gotten some of them in the app. I am going to say, um, I'm going to try to do like a FaceTime probably with that one guy who just seems like he's too aggressive for me, um, mainly because we haven't FaceTime.

1563
01:25:55.520 --> 01:25:57.760
It's only been phone conversations and stuff.

1564
01:25:57.860 --> 01:26:04.800
And the reason why I feel like I need to do a FaceTime with him is because he is triggering me.

1565
01:26:04.860 --> 01:26:09.120
And I believe that there's something that I need to learn about myself with asserting those boundaries.

1566
01:26:10.380 --> 01:26:23.180
Because after talking to my mom about him, I'm noticing that I noticed that he, um, there's things that he says that remind me of my ex who reminded me of my brother.

1567
01:26:23.740 --> 01:26:29.440
With how, with that, with, um, with his critical, with as far as being critical.

1568
01:26:29.640 --> 01:26:32.360
And those are certain early stage things.

1569
01:26:32.620 --> 01:26:52.900
So I think that I'm supposed to, I feel that I'm supposed to not continue on for a long time, but to at least have a FaceTime conversation with him and learn more about myself and, um, build some thicker

1570
01:26:52.900 --> 01:26:55.460
skin with having assertive communication.

1571
01:26:57.980 --> 01:27:07.220
Um, but I think that that's what I'm supposed to get from this particular guy in this, um, discovery dating season from him.

1572
01:27:07.960 --> 01:27:09.740
Yeah, I think that's good, Stephanie.

1573
01:27:10.200 --> 01:27:10.560
Yeah.

1574
01:27:10.560 --> 01:27:11.660
It's going to be tough.

1575
01:27:11.860 --> 01:27:22.880
And so I think that I'm going to have to do a little fast for a little bit because it's, there's been, um, a lot of healing layers with my brother.

1576
01:27:22.900 --> 01:27:26.260
Um, and no resolution with him.

1577
01:27:26.660 --> 01:27:33.260
He, um, he hasn't asked for forgiveness, but I've had to do a lot of forgiving on that side, but I still need to.

1578
01:27:34.140 --> 01:27:37.880
Um, but I know that I've attracted men that are like him.

1579
01:27:37.880 --> 01:27:45.740
So I know that that's where I need to really just kind of sew into that and see how God does more healing in me through that.

1580
01:27:46.380 --> 01:27:46.860
Yeah.

1581
01:27:47.380 --> 01:27:50.360
I went to that white party, didn't meet anyone.

1582
01:27:50.400 --> 01:27:52.260
I only was there for a brief moment.

1583
01:27:52.260 --> 01:28:00.760
Um, but with that one, um, God was wanting to activate me wearing white from the activation that Carly gave.

1584
01:28:01.100 --> 01:28:04.100
And I was having trouble with seeing myself as a bride.

1585
01:28:04.260 --> 01:28:10.440
So he needed, um, he was activating in me that I need to get acquainted with wearing white.

1586
01:28:10.520 --> 01:28:14.500
I need to be acquainted with, um, also my birthday.

1587
01:28:14.700 --> 01:28:16.240
This is my birthday month.

1588
01:28:16.280 --> 01:28:22.240
So I also need to get acquainted with feeling celebrated, which I was struggling with.

1589
01:28:22.960 --> 01:28:27.820
So I know that he's working that part out with me too.

1590
01:28:28.360 --> 01:28:32.620
So one thing I have to do is buy more white and wear more white.

1591
01:28:34.640 --> 01:28:42.460
And then to, um, the Disney retreat was going to be like the celebration, but that was before my birthday.

1592
01:28:42.700 --> 01:28:46.120
But I like, was like, okay, that'll be fine for my birthday.

1593
01:28:46.240 --> 01:28:47.520
I'll that that'll be it.

1594
01:28:47.520 --> 01:28:50.240
But, but God's like, no, I want you to celebrate.

1595
01:28:50.420 --> 01:28:51.960
I want you to be childlike.

1596
01:28:51.960 --> 01:28:56.620
I want you to like plan something, which I don't, I didn't want to do that.

1597
01:28:56.820 --> 01:29:08.640
But as I'm, I'm doing this like art experience thing where you, um, can like throw paint against the walls and, and, um, like one of those paint experience places.

1598
01:29:08.640 --> 01:29:11.400
And I'm having a few girlfriends come with me.

1599
01:29:12.000 --> 01:29:19.760
And like what God was saying is like, I'm inviting you to invite your friends to create and play and to be childlike.

1600
01:29:19.760 --> 01:29:22.400
I gave you childlike as the word at the beginning of the year.

1601
01:29:22.500 --> 01:29:25.160
So your birthday, you need to sow into that with friends.

1602
01:29:25.420 --> 01:29:31.420
So I'll be doing that for my birthday at the, in the last Sunday of the month.

1603
01:29:31.800 --> 01:29:33.400
So that's awesome.

1604
01:29:33.900 --> 01:29:34.460
Yeah.

1605
01:29:34.460 --> 01:29:46.860
And then the other thing new update, the other part of my birthday weekend celebration is I'm going to this one day, um, singles conference called house of kingdom marriage.

1606
01:29:46.860 --> 01:29:59.980
And, um, Mia Fields is going to be one of the speakers and she has her story about her, her and her husband and waiting on that kingdom marriage promise and kingdom marriage.

1607
01:30:01.400 --> 01:30:07.660
family as well so yeah that one's in LA the last Saturday of the month and I'm

1608
01:30:07.660 --> 01:30:12.420
gonna be going to that and they have like breakout sessions for women and men

1609
01:30:12.420 --> 01:30:15.880
but then they also have like the combined with the men so we'll see how

1610
01:30:15.880 --> 01:30:20.680
that goes but that's gonna be one of the ways I celebrate my birthday too yeah

1611
01:30:20.680 --> 01:30:27.700
that's like I know me oh yes her story is amazing mm-hmm that's gonna be so

1612
01:30:27.700 --> 01:30:32.480
exciting for you yeah that's gonna be awesome

1613
01:30:33.080 --> 01:30:38.920
right now it's a it's a lot of like all right God you're taking me on this

1614
01:30:38.920 --> 01:30:46.660
journey so I believe that I'm to stay in this phase two part as I'm sussing out

1615
01:30:46.660 --> 01:30:51.880
some of the whole like being acquainted with celebrating with accepting

1616
01:30:51.880 --> 01:30:57.040
celebration and sewing into that and with seeing myself as a bride so yeah

1617
01:30:57.040 --> 01:31:01.980
that's like the the final activation that God really wants to do within me

1618
01:31:01.980 --> 01:31:06.660
before moving on to the next phase okay this sounds good you've grown by leaps

1619
01:31:06.660 --> 01:31:13.580
and bounds Stephanie oh it is so true you you were so resistant not resisting

1620
01:31:13.580 --> 01:31:17.520
but you were just because of all the trauma that you've experienced and so

1621
01:31:17.520 --> 01:31:27.020
I'm excited for you you're welcome it's only been one date but hey it's been a

1622
01:31:27.020 --> 01:31:33.960
way to go Stephanie hey Caitlin what do you have if you ladies don't know me a

1623
01:31:33.960 --> 01:31:38.380
fears you Mia feels if you haven't heard testimony I do encourage you to go to

1624
01:31:39.180 --> 01:31:48.420
dear future my future husband podcast and type in Mia feels dear future has

1625
01:31:48.420 --> 01:31:53.300
dear future husband podcast on YouTube and type in the name Mia feels to listen

1626
01:31:53.300 --> 01:31:59.620
to her interview she did a two-part interview but it is absolutely amazing I

1627
01:32:00.440 --> 01:32:04.120
mean real straight-up real belief marriage but go ahead

1628
01:32:05.140 --> 01:32:11.240
Caitlyn hi I've watched that podcast and it's really encouraging yeah Jackie was

1629
01:32:11.240 --> 01:32:21.640
on one of the interviews so yeah um I'm normally on the oops oh I'm normally on

1630
01:32:21.640 --> 01:32:26.000
on Carlos calls but I was able to drop in briefly and I just have a couple

1631
01:32:26.000 --> 01:32:30.980
minutes before I have to go so I'll be quick but um just just want a little

1632
01:32:31.180 --> 01:32:37.400
encouragement for I have a date tomorrow it's with it's actually a guy who I met

1633
01:32:37.400 --> 01:32:44.460
at my church and it was kind of fun because I noticed him and I like

1634
01:32:44.460 --> 01:32:51.500
practiced just like making eye contact and yeah and it worked like over like a

1635
01:32:51.500 --> 01:32:55.840
couple weeks we started he like he introduced himself to me he must have

1636
01:32:55.840 --> 01:33:05.420
noticed me like making eye contact and anyway he's a single dad yeah and I

1637
01:33:05.420 --> 01:33:13.920
don't have any kids but I'd love kids um and anyways I'm I'm looking forward to

1638
01:33:13.920 --> 01:33:18.380
it I have chatted with him a couple times at church so I've gotten to know

1639
01:33:18.380 --> 01:33:24.160
like a little bit about him and he also does kind of shit he has he hasn't like

1640
01:33:24.160 --> 01:33:29.660
over shared but he's told me a little bit of like his situation with his

1641
01:33:29.660 --> 01:33:35.760
daughter like he's got full custody of her and he hasn't shared like the dirty

1642
01:33:35.760 --> 01:33:43.300
details or anything of what went down but anyways I'm excited and I have a lot

1643
01:33:43.300 --> 01:33:50.840
of mixed feelings swirling around and one is I'm not sure if I'm physically

1644
01:33:50.840 --> 01:33:55.400
attracted to him or not so that's something I'll discover as I like spend

1645
01:33:55.400 --> 01:34:01.420
more time with him the other thing is I feel like I've been dating for years

1646
01:34:02.240 --> 01:34:08.740
like I have done a lot of the online dating and being set up for friends and

1647
01:34:08.740 --> 01:34:13.760
I'm tired I'm kind of tired of doing discovery dating I'm like I'm like I'm

1648
01:34:13.760 --> 01:34:25.460
over discovering stuff well in this program more I don't know I was in the

1649
01:34:25.460 --> 01:34:30.780
program and then I left because I felt like I needed a hiatus from dating in

1650
01:34:30.860 --> 01:34:39.240
general oh I see so not super maybe maybe two months or maybe a month and a

1651
01:34:39.240 --> 01:34:50.400
half in this program I've done it after yeah after heartwork okay yeah but it's

1652
01:34:50.400 --> 01:34:57.860
been a little mixed up because I kind of quit and then returned yeah so anyways

1653
01:34:58.720 --> 01:34:59.980
yeah I don't really know what

1654
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.740
phase of I'm in with dating. I know I gotta it's good to just keep it discovery and like hold

1655
01:35:06.740 --> 01:35:13.120
things loosely but I have a hard time not like right being like okay is this a person I can

1656
01:35:13.120 --> 01:35:19.400
make some forward movement with. Right well the thing about not being really attracted to him

1657
01:35:19.400 --> 01:35:28.700
is a good thing because it stops you from planning out your future. Well it can slow that down

1658
01:35:29.700 --> 01:35:33.660
and you know a lot of times thoughts just encourage you can have these running thoughts like what if

1659
01:35:33.660 --> 01:35:37.780
it didn't work out and what if it didn't this and then you answer yourself and say okay if it

1660
01:35:37.780 --> 01:35:42.160
didn't work out then he's not the best person for me and I'm not the best person for him.

1661
01:35:43.320 --> 01:35:47.620
Yeah and so a lot of times we think it's a one-way track but if he's not the best for you

1662
01:35:47.620 --> 01:35:55.280
then you're certainly not the best for him. Yeah true. And so you just keep it cut and dry to

1663
01:35:55.280 --> 01:36:05.700
it's a date. Yeah yeah. That's it it's just all it is. Yeah I know my mind is gonna do all sorts

1664
01:36:05.700 --> 01:36:12.240
of other stuff. Yeah. But you just keep telling yourself that. You have to baby you have to

1665
01:36:12.240 --> 01:36:17.060
program yourself you got to tell yourself over and over especially as a woman because we baby we

1666
01:36:17.060 --> 01:36:24.260
will go up to plan our future by how by land what do we move. I mean like a woman can go some places

1667
01:36:24.260 --> 01:36:33.020
in her mind. Yeah yeah. Like so it's just you have to rein yourself in and say yep those things could

1668
01:36:33.020 --> 01:36:39.540
happen but right now what's happening is a date. Yeah yeah. Right now there's a man sitting in

1669
01:36:39.540 --> 01:36:43.720
front of me that I do not know and I know we go to the same church and I know we get the same

1670
01:36:43.720 --> 01:36:52.820
teachings but I don't know him. Yeah for sure 100 percent. So have fun and see it as a date

1671
01:36:52.820 --> 01:36:58.300
and I know you've been on a lot of dates but if you had to go through hard work and now you're

1672
01:36:58.300 --> 01:37:04.080
dating again trust me you date differently. Yeah yeah. And if you're still dating what you used

1673
01:37:04.080 --> 01:37:09.720
to date before you did hard work then you're not practicing the new things you learn. Yeah

1674
01:37:10.780 --> 01:37:22.800
all right I'm gonna practice that tomorrow. Okay and give us an update. Okay thank you. Okay you're

1675
01:37:22.800 --> 01:37:31.440
that I did have another phone chat with someone that a family connection set us up and it was

1676
01:37:31.440 --> 01:37:36.980
fine like it was fine for dating for discovery. It's the same person from like the other side in

1677
01:37:36.980 --> 01:37:42.220
British Columbia who complained about time difference. Anyway I told him like your message

1678
01:37:42.220 --> 01:37:47.400
was very helpful like you drafting the message so he kind of responded because I was like dude you

1679
01:37:47.400 --> 01:37:53.720
to make time kind of a thing so he did. It was fine for discovery but anyway I just wanted to

1680
01:37:54.580 --> 01:37:59.360
kind of just give you thanks because and this program because like in the last five years I

1681
01:37:59.360 --> 01:38:06.360
had zero dates and then in the last one and a half month like this is five on seven date challenge so

1682
01:38:06.360 --> 01:38:14.140
I'm very good for discovery right. So I just want to thank you and also letting you know that I'm

1683
01:38:14.140 --> 01:38:19.680
traveling for the next two weeks. I'm in a different time zone so I will try to join but

1684
01:38:19.680 --> 01:38:28.560
if not then I'll see you in two weeks. I'll miss you Priti. Me too. I watched the recording

1685
01:38:29.220 --> 01:38:34.000
but anyway I wanted to let you know that I won't be here like I may not be here and

1686
01:38:34.840 --> 01:38:44.100
yeah yeah I know like it is very encouraging to even know that you met somebody or you

1687
01:38:44.100 --> 01:38:50.740
like ever since I moved to the city right and so like it just puts a lot of self-doubt in you and

1688
01:38:50.740 --> 01:38:56.520
so it's encouraging. Yeah I mean it's still been hard right like don't get me wrong like people

1689
01:38:56.660 --> 01:39:01.900
ghost you like you're having a good conversation and suddenly they're gone or like you meet someone

1690
01:39:01.900 --> 01:39:05.680
and you've had a great conversation and you've kind of told them like hey I would like to meet

1691
01:39:05.680 --> 01:39:13.740
again or whatever and then they're kind of quiet so like I just find like I just like I think men

1692
01:39:13.740 --> 01:39:20.300
also are doing their own discovery right like they're also figuring this out so anyway. Yeah

1693
01:39:20.820 --> 01:39:27.340
yeah well thank you for sharing. Yeah thank you. I know you wanted to close at 9 15 and or my time

1694
01:39:27.340 --> 01:39:33.980
9 15 and you're already late so thank you for thank you for giving us your time. Oh of course

1695
01:39:33.980 --> 01:39:38.840
no it is your time to have and guess what ladies I do want to say this as we close out. Some people

1696
01:39:38.840 --> 01:39:43.640
get married and they just get married and there are others of us who have to bleed by faith for

1697
01:39:43.640 --> 01:39:49.100
marriage. In life you're going to have to bleed by faith for something and this is just one of the

1698
01:39:49.100 --> 01:39:54.000
things that you have to bleed by faith. In partnering with heaven to see a promise come to pass

1699
01:39:54.020 --> 01:39:58.820
is not easy but it's definitely worth it and if it's not marriage it's going to be something else

1700
01:39:58.820 --> 01:39:59.980
but oh the joy of life.

1701
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.340
be in marriage because I am telling you that marriage comes from the father and nobody knows

1702
01:40:05.340 --> 01:40:10.260
the heart of an individual like the father and he knows what you need to help you become the woman

1703
01:40:10.260 --> 01:40:17.080
that he has designed you to be and so I am telling you that yes faith is work but it's a work that

1704
01:40:17.080 --> 01:40:21.660
pays out in the end so I want you to remember that yep when you see somebody else getting married

1705
01:40:21.660 --> 01:40:25.780
say yep they got married yep they didn't have to worry about they got married when they were 20

1706
01:40:25.780 --> 01:40:30.920
look at them living their best life why do I have to do it because some things in your life just

1707
01:40:30.920 --> 01:40:36.160
come by faith some people have health and they do nothing for it and others of us have to believe

1708
01:40:36.160 --> 01:40:44.160
for our health and guess what that thing comes in your life by faith and that's the way it is

1709
01:40:44.160 --> 01:40:49.260
some people got amazon package pay some people got amazon package husbands some people got amazon

1710
01:40:49.280 --> 01:40:54.820
package bodies but other folks have to believe we gotta work by faith if we eat cupcakes it's

1711
01:40:55.380 --> 01:41:04.480
then what my metabolism is different and I better recognize that right and so be encouraged sleep

1712
01:41:04.480 --> 01:41:09.880
well and I look forward to seeing everything you ladies going to share on the wall and um

1713
01:41:09.880 --> 01:41:16.500
see you next time have a good night good night good night thank you you're welcome

1714
01:41:16.500 --> 01:41:19.940
you thank you good night everyone

1715
01:41:22.980 --> 01:41:24.520
thank you good night ladies