Welcome, ladies. We are about 30 seconds out from 1 o'clock Eastern. It is September 9th.
This is your Tuesday 1 o'clock check in. So good to have you here. For those ladies that
might be watching and replaying don't know who I am. I'm Carla Johnson. I'm one of your
coaches here at last year's single. Just a little background about me. I came to join
about five years now. I was a single lady myself and just celebrated last week two-year
anniversary with my husband. So the program works, ladies. It took me a little while but
I can just be here as a testimony to you ladies that God is in control. He is so intentional
about your love story and there are so many opportunities in this season that God is going
to be able to use for you just to continue your healing and your growth. I know I've
had a couple ladies share in the app that they miss heart work, which I get. We come
out of phase one and there's just so much good content there and just community. I want
to reassure you ladies that the heart work doesn't stop. Okay. So if you are brand new,
maybe you're watching a replay, you're brand new to this phase and you're like,
but I miss heart work. I miss phase one. Don't worry. We get into heart work here too. Many
of my ladies that have been here for several weeks and have come to lives, they know that
usually our problems that we're facing or our struggles that we're facing and dating are not
the real problem. It's still deeper heart work. Trust me. Okay. I totally get it. And then even
when you get married, there's heart work in marriage too, ladies. I can attest to that as
well. So I just want you ladies to know that. Don't feel like we're not going to do heart work
here because we will. And don't feel like if you're not dating someone, but you have some
stuff that's coming up, like we're here to coach you through it. Believe it or not. A lot of times
it all links back to heart work. All is so good to see you. Awesome. Awesome. Okay. So let's just
go ahead and get some housekeeping stuff out of the way. Um, and then, okay. Yeah. Just wish you
still had access ladies. If you're wanting access to phase one heart work videos, go ahead and email
admin at Jackie dorman.com and make that request. Um, cause I'm not sure how we're going to be able
to do that, but if there's a, an ability to do that week, we might be able to do so. So, um,
send those requests to admin at Jackie dorman.com. Okay. You should still have like, you have all
replays and all things like that. So, um, and like I said, we do heart work stuff here too.
Or if you have a heart work question, maybe you're not dating somebody and you have a heart
work question, bring it, bring it in the app. Like I'm, I mean, we're more than happy. Every,
everything that we do here, the foundation is heart work. So don't hesitate to bring all your
heart work questions. Even here in this space. Okay. You don't just because you might not have
a dating question. Doesn't mean that you don't have a question. Okay. Cause like I said, I was
in this community for a couple of years before I met my husband. And let me tell you, God did
lots of work in me and my heart used dating experiences. He used, you know, family, he used,
you know, my kid, he used everything to help prepare me for my love story. Okay. So just
embrace that. Um, and so continue to come out of hiding in the app, post your questions. All right.
Let us know what's going on. Um, if you can't make one of the calls, we do these in replay.
So make sure you watch the replays. We have an eight o'clock call tonight. So if you can make
that definitely join with Ebony. Um, if not hers will be in replay as well. So you can catch that
as well. Um, do I have any newbies? Anybody new? I think I recognize most of you, Kim. Yeah. I
brand new, fresh out of heartwork. You can unmute.
All right. So this is your first, first live. Yes. Welcome. Thank you. So you, are you,
are you one of those are like, I miss my heartwork. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that.
I didn't know that we wouldn't have access.
as to them, had I known that,
and if there's no other solution,
had I known that I probably would have stayed
a little bit longer and just gone over them again, you know?
Yes, I totally get it.
But again, just know our foundation is heartwork.
So we do heartwork stuff in here too.
Is there anything in particular
that you like really absorb from heartwork
that you're like, oh, I'm really gonna miss that?
Well, I think that the videos are just very strategic
and very systematically presented
so that you sort of cover, you know,
and look at things in more detail.
And I understand we can bring our questions in here,
but sometimes those questions don't come up
unless you're listening to a video
and they're addressing certain topics.
You're going, oh, I guess, you know,
that sort of, you know, touched my heart a little bit.
Maybe I'll write that down and bring that forward.
So it just brings, I think it helps to bring things up
that maybe you don't, aren't either not aware of
or just haven't addressed yet.
And so, I mean, like you said,
heartwork continues throughout life,
but sometimes those things aren't brought up
unless you're hearing either other people talk about them
or the videos were very helpful.
Are you talking about the videos that Jackie does
in alignment with the reading?
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
Okay, I'm gonna make a note of that
so that way we can see if we can't have access
to those as well.
I'm just making a note right now.
Yes, the content was so full.
And do you still have access to your book?
I have, yeah, I have a book.
I bought a book.
Okay, because I will tell you, okay, I'm five years in
and I'm, you know, and even now I'm married,
I still open that book.
Yeah, I know that will be helpful.
Yeah, so, and you'll, and again,
like I understand what you're saying,
like, cause sometimes, you know,
I always go back and listen to replays as well
because there's new, like there's information
that I like, it just, it hits differently
the second, third, fourth time that I listened to it.
So I totally get that.
I will bring that to the team so that we're, you know,
everybody's made aware and we'll see what we can't do.
But that's helpful to know.
So thank you so much for sharing that.
I appreciate it.
And we're so glad to have you here.
I see a few more people on.
Do I have anybody else that's brand new
to phase two, Lustre Accelerator?
Do we have anybody else?
I think I see one, I'm horrible.
I'm like not very great at phonetic, like reading.
So I end up butchering people's names and I never mean to.
Where did she go?
Is it Alyssa?
Yes, thank you.
Hi.
Did I pronounce that right?
Yes, thanks.
Okay, good.
I'm so glad to have you here.
I see you.
I haven't, it's been a couple of weeks I think
and since I've seen you on with the one o'clock.
How are you doing?
Meg R, I see you girl.
I got you, I'm waiting for you.
I got Sonia.
Hi, Sonia, how are you?
And then I think the Stephanie's are at work
so they'll come on camera shortly.
Sonia, are you new here?
I've been in the program
but this is my first time actually attending a live
so I'm new to this.
Awesome, awesome.
So have you been in our phase for a little bit?
Yes.
Okay.
Yep, yeah, I was the person that did the really long post
and to update you all how I feel like
this is just a second job, the dating.
Yes, no, I just read yours here before I jumped on.
So it was, I can relate.
You're the single mama, aren't you?
Yes.
Okay, yep, I got you girl.
I know my girl, Alyssa, she's a single mama too.
We had this conversation a couple of weeks ago as well.
So I have some experience with that.
So if you're a single mom, I'm right there with you.
I went through this whole program as a single mom.
So I do believe that there's Kinsmen Redeemers
for all you single mamas out there, okay?
I got myself one.
So I know if God can do it for me,
he can do it for you too, okay?
Yes.
All right, ladies, let's go ahead and just,
I'm gonna pray and then let's get started.
How about that?
Let's see.
How many do I have on here today?
I've got 13 of you plus myself, awesome.
All right, Heavenly Father, I thank you so much
for this wonderful Tuesday, September 9th.
Lord, I just thank you for your presence.
Lord, I thank you for the ability for us
to just get on these calls, to just come as a community,
just to partner with one another,
for us to be able to be vulnerable,
to share our struggles, to share our celebrations,
just to be able to have community to do that
and women here that are gonna be here to support.
Lord, I thank you that you bring community together
in order to achieve what it is that you wanna do.
So Lord, I ask that your presence
just be here and felt today.
Lord, I ask the women to open up their hearts
and their minds to be comfortable getting uncomfortable,
to be okay with being vulnerable.
Lord, and I just pray that you highlight any areas
of healing that you want us to embark on, Lord.
And I just, again, I pray for your presence
in Jesus' name, amen.
All right, I got a few more people on, okay.
So yeah, ladies, how is everybody doing
with Supernatural Saturday?
How many of you are watching your Supernatural Saturday?
You can't come live, but you're still watching a replay.
Go ahead and raise your little avatar hand.
Okay, I see Leah, she's got her hand up.
Audrey, Stephanie, okay, good, Laurie, awesome.
All right, ladies, if you're not watching
Supernatural Saturday, you're missing out.
So many powerful things get released
on Supernatural Saturday.
All right, I know we all have busy schedules.
I am definitely weekends are a challenge for me,
but I don't know about you all,
but what I find helpful for me is I live in the DFW area
and it's traveling, I mean, just driving takes you forever.
So what you can do is if you can't come live
while you're driving and you're in traffic
and you're in that rush hour traffic,
play that Supernatural Saturday, listen to it in your car.
I don't know about you all,
but my car is typically like my prayer closet
when my kids are not in there.
I mean, even when my kids are in there,
sometimes I'm like, okay,
everybody's got to play the silent game
because I need to have a moment with the Lord.
Your mom's out there, no.
Like sometimes I just need to pray in the car.
So put Supernatural Saturday on,
and sometimes you might have to pause it,
which is totally fine.
If you have to watch it in chunks, totally fine.
Maybe you watch the first half and then you get stuck,
then you're like, oh my gosh,
I can't remember where I left off.
Then listen to it again from the beginning.
Sometimes I do that and I'm like, oh my goodness,
I didn't hear that the first time around,
but I'm glad I listened to it a second time
because I got something even deeper
or more like of an aha moment
or God just highlighted something to me.
So ladies, please, please, please make sure
that you are doing that.
How's everybody?
Did anybody do some activations
on tapping into their inner bride this week?
Oh, I was gonna say something on the Supernatural, sorry.
Yes, go for it, Stephanie.
So I didn't catch this one,
but I catch it one week before by replay.
And for the whole, I mean, listening to it,
it was so powerful.
I do my own company, plus I work part-time
to try to supplement when there is no work
because I do a reading program for children.
And I was listening to it,
and I'm always in this hustle thing, like hustle,
like, oh, you need to go to the market,
and you market, and you do this, do all of that.
After I finished listening to that,
she kept on saying about the hustle mentality,
but at the end, she talked about orphan hustle,
children rest.
I had to go look, that sent me down a rabbit hole,
and then I found Galatians 3, I think, like 28 to 24,
that talk about that you are sons,
and it's by the faith in Jesus makes you son of God.
And I'm like, it took me,
all I kept on saying for the whole time,
I am a daughter, I am a daughter.
And then God showed me, He said,
if your son needs something,
does he have to go to somebody else
to talk to him to get to you?
What do you, what does he do?
He come, I don't care if I'm on this call,
he just stand up there and talk, and start talking,
and like, everybody is mute,
you have to mute everybody else to talk to him.
And he's like, it's the same thing.
I can come to him and talk and that was so powerful. I was like, oh my god. I was really good
Yeah, that's all I wanted to say. Thank you. Yes. No, that's so good. Yeah, and that's what I'm telling you ladies
These supernatural Saturdays and I know you know, Kim Kim was just sharing with us
You know coming out of heart work and stuff that sometimes it's like you don't realize something until you know
We're watching the video and something just gets uncovered the same thing happens on these live calls. It happens on supernatural Saturday
I mean ladies again, I'm married now, you know having been in this program and I'm married now
but there's a lot of things that
Let's speak to me on those calls
so it's it's it's really what you know, and Jackie is got such an anointing and she really really I mean
God can just put some like mic drops on her and and it's really really powerful. So
Definitely make sure that you're checking those out
And getting on those okay again if you can't be there live get get in the replay
I mean in an interview like we were just sharing like any of you that are moms
I I've listened to it even with my kids in the car because believe it or not
it helps all my kids like my got kids that are I have a 16 year old an almost 14 year old and
a kid that just turned 10 and
My 10 year old was with me from the very beginning of this program
so he was like we used to joke that he was kind of like the mascot of
last year single
Like he and Jackie are like this because he was like five years old and he'd be in listening to all of our you know
stuff and he would be praying for mom to find a husband and
God would actually use my kid to speak to me about my husband. It was
bizarre just
Absolutely bizarre and bring hope as well. So
Definitely get on those calls but going back to
Tap it into her inner bride. Did anybody go on an adventure tap it in on their inner bride?
I know I released this a couple weeks ago
You know go go, you know
wedding shoe shopping
Buy your dress I did that that's a big one
go to like a
Maybe just get on Pinterest. Did anybody do that?
Yes, Kim. Yes, they often use children to speak. Yes. I love that
so Stephanie
You didn't get to activate your bride, but you identified the fear of getting your hopes up. Okay. Well, that's good. That's progress
when we identify those fears ladies
it's a way for us to get deeper healing and
So I want I want to encourage you ladies
I know we're in this week. We call it the dating phase the discovery dating and some of you
You know might not be ready to jump out on to the dating scene yet, and that's fine, too
But there's still so much progress that you can be making
Okay, if there's things that are holding you back it's being able to tap in it's like what is that big fear
What does God want you to release? What is he want you healed from?
Okay, so if you feel led to just go do something to activate that inner bride
I know someone just posted they purchased a gift for their husband
That's that's an activation that I've released for you ladies before, you know, go buy a gift for your future husband
Like and it's really cool. Like I'm telling you get like down the road when y'all meet your husbands and
You get to post about some of these activations, it's awesome
like and it and it will activate hope and the other women that are in this community that are just joining and
So yes, awesome. Like somebody went to a conference call a marriage conference call. I love that
Start activating it start start activating that inner bride
All right, let's let's put some put some legs on our prayers
You know, we want to see ourselves as brides
So try on those wedding dresses go try on some veils
Buy a really cute pair of earrings that you're like, maybe I want to wear these on my wedding day
I know Stephanie's got dibs on my I my wedding earring. I do
She's gonna get those something borrowed earrings from me because I had ladies coming on like a couple months ago
I'm like, you know, let's get dolled up ladies
let's wear wear some flashy earrings and I wore my wedding my wedding day earrings and
Stephanie saw those and she's like I want those are my stuff borrowed
So don't be afraid to just you know have some fun and do that and so that's what's leading me to
Activate you ladies this week is I want you to start activating your joy. I
know
I think it was Sonia. She was posting like okay this dating feels like a job
It's
It's really stressful.
Ladies, I don't want you ladies dating
to where it feels like a job
and it's adding stress to your life.
We wanna add joy to our life.
So if you're feeling like the dating stuff
is bogging you down,
I really want you to press in
and be spending time with Holy Spirit
and asking him what brings you joy.
What are some things that you can do for yourself this week
that bring you joy?
Cause yes, those dating apps can be very time consuming.
Ladies, if you haven't watched it already,
you will about boundaries.
Sometimes we've got to create boundaries
for ourselves around our dating, our dating apps.
Like how much time are you spending on the apps?
We don't want you in it like making it a full-time job.
You have life to go live out there.
Go have some fun.
Bring some joy into your life, all right?
We used to do this thing in the very beginning,
Jackie used to call it Child's Play Saturday.
And on Saturday, like she would literally be like,
I want you ladies going out
and doing something that your inner child wants to do.
And Saturday we would have to make posts.
What did we do to go play on Saturday?
So I want you to be thinking about that,
post it in the app this week.
What are you doing to get out and create some joy?
All right?
Cause again, those dating apps can be very time consuming.
I get it when you're sitting there swiping,
swiping around and you're reading things
and you're like, oh no, that one doesn't look good.
No, he doesn't mention Jesus in his profile, right?
You're like, why are the guys having the little,
what is it, the gym selfies?
Like we don't like that, right?
It gets tiring, it can get very, very time consuming.
So go out and have fun.
Cause guess what ladies,
you don't just have to meet men on dating apps.
I mean, a lot of us actually would prefer
to meet men in real life, right?
How many of you would be like, okay,
if the Lord has my husband not on an app
and I can meet him in real life, sign me up.
Where's, where do I sign up?
Right?
That's how we want to,
but ladies, if we're not getting out and enjoying life,
we're not meeting anybody, right?
Believe it or not,
one thing that even prompts some of the ladies in here
is don't just go and mix, you know,
eye contact and smile with men,
but engage with other women as well.
Cause you don't know what girl that you meet
has a brother or an uncle or who knows what,
a neighbor that is your spirit mate.
My spirit mate came to me
through one of the women in this program.
She was on a dating group site
cause I was like, I'm so done with this stuff.
I'm so done with like having to, you know,
filter through all these guys,
but she was on there and she saw a photo
and she read his, my husband's profile.
And she's like,
she was already dating someone at that time,
but she's like, I'm going to screenshot these to Carla
and I'm going to see if she's interested.
She ended up actually reaching out to him and saying,
Hey, you got to meet my friend, Carla.
He thought it was the craziest, strangest thing.
Like, why is a woman reaching out to me
to set me up with somebody else?
And so that was strange for him,
but y'all know, like my husband was praying
that God was going to have to bring his wife
in a very weird way.
And he's like, it doesn't get much weirder than that.
Somebody that I don't even know
wants me to meet their friend that I don't know.
And so he's like, okay, I guess I'm going to reach out to her
and then the rest is history.
So you never know who's going to connect you
with your spirit mate.
So go make friends, go meet somebody new.
You know, if you're at a bookstore
and someone's like, strike up a conversation.
And I know for some of us that are like introverts
and that we're a little shy,
that that can be a little bit, you know, uncomfortable.
But I want to encourage you to start getting uncomfortable.
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
That's something that the Lord spoke to me
very, very early on when I joined this program
was you're going to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Because when you get married,
sometimes marriage can be a little uncomfortable at times.
You can get a little vulnerable, and that might be foreign to you,
especially if maybe you were in a previous marriage where you weren't allowed to be vulnerable.
But God wants to bring you a husband that you can be vulnerable with,
and he's going to have so much care and consideration and protection over your heart.
And so I really just feel Holy Spirit on that.
Let's start getting comfortable being uncomfortable, but let's really start.
Let's start sparking joy.
So I want to hear what are some things that you all like to do that make you smile,
that make you laugh, that spark joy.
Maybe it's just going out on a playground and swinging on the swing sets.
I went and helped out with my son this morning, his fourth grade class,
and they were doing a project at car pickup.
They were trying to get people to donate playground equipment,
like soccer balls and basketballs and footballs and hula hoops and jump ropes
and all that kind of stuff because it's brand new, brand new school.
We don't have any of that stuff.
Our boys don't typically like to play on the playground.
They want to play soccer and football.
But this morning when we arrived, my son was like,
Mom, what's everybody doing over there?
The kids were swinging on the swing set.
And one of the moms was like, My son never wants to play on this stuff,
but he's over there swinging on the swing set.
So maybe you want to tap into your inner child and you want to go swing on a swing set.
And listen, when she likes dancing, girl, I love dancing.
That was like my jam when I was single.
My husband is not much of a dancer.
It's embarrassing.
He thinks he's a good dancer and he's not.
Don't tell him I said that.
Skating, so ice skating or roller skating, that's good.
So I want you to feel led this week to go do something that's just going to bring joy.
All right.
And then come back and report what it is that you did.
What sparked joy?
What did God do?
All right.
Yeah, if you have grandchildren, play with those grandbabies, y'all.
I mean, I was just at practice the other day and one of the moms has a,
one of the players, he has like a little sister that's two years old.
And she had a little plastic pony and she had this little plastic hairbrush.
And she's like, play with me.
You know, she's like, comb the horsey's hair.
And so I did.
I grabbed the thing and I'm like, okay, I'm going to play with the horsey.
But kids love that.
They want to play.
So tap into that inner child.
All right.
Okay.
I got ladies that want to share.
I know, Allah, I want to hear from you how things are going with you.
I've got Audrey, Liz, Meg, Karina.
Awesome.
Okay.
So if you don't have time, anybody else, go ahead and put your hands up,
please.
We're going to try to be short, brief and powerful and get through this.
I know.
We all like to talk here.
Myself included.
All right.
Audrey.
I'm going to, I'm going to call you up first.
What's going on, girl.
Let's let's update.
Okay.
I kinda,
I kinda feel embarrassed to share this because I feel like, I mean,
I made a mistake.
I was out of line.
And what I did.
But I do feel like I just need to share it.
Like probably, probably partially externally processed,
but I'll try to make it.
Okay. So I was talking to that guy from Ireland.
Yes. Yes.
Guy you suggested mentioning the video call. So yes.
I mentioned the video call. He seemed to kind of be.
Backtracking or skirting a little bit and maybe saying some things about
his schedule, you know, which is fine, you know, schedule concerns as well.
But anyways, but he was like, yeah, we'll find time to, well, he's like,
yeah, we'll find a time. We found a time. Then he was like, actually,
let's do an audio call. Cause I'll be on the move.
And I was like, no, I mean, I kind of need a video call.
Like if we can.
So I said all that, this isn't even the point. So I said all that.
And so we, so we were like, yeah, he was like,
I'm going to find time for a video call. Okay.
So I did something.
So anyway, so I got curious and I went on it.
So we've been talking voice memoing through Instagram.
So I went and looked at who he follows on Instagram.
Okay.
Yeah. So this is not even at the worst part yet.
So I noticed he followed a lot of women and there were some women he
follows that dress and very revealing clothing.
Several, like it wasn't just, you know, one or three or.
It was several and I got really concerned and really.
fearful, really upset. And so then I was like, I like went to
prayer, I say prayer in parentheses. And I was like,
God, what do I need to do what I do? And I immediately heard tell
him. I don't know if that was him. That might have been my
favorite in my song. So I ended up sending a voice memo telling
him that I did that. And that it made me feel uncomfortable. And
I also I was trying to do it in a way that wasn't accusatory or
judgment or anything, but it probably came off that way. And
I probably I know I shouldn't have did it. But I was saying,
Hey, like, I know, I don't know you. And I'm sure you know, I
have no idea about you or whatever. But I did do this, it
did make me uncomfortable. Like, and I can't remember what else
I said, I'm losing my train of thought. But um, I was like, I
felt led to just tell you my thought process that I was
uncomfortable as I saw this, you know, but this is my thought
process. It's like, OMG, like, what is he looking at in his
feed? Like, what is he opening his eyes to it makes me feel
scared or uncomfortable. I didn't say scared, but
uncomfortable. And so I was like, I know, I don't know you
in. But I was just like, I wanted to share this thought
process with you and be honest with you. As like, my brother in
Christ. What's his response? So yeah, his response was, the next
day, his response was, um, thank you for being honest with me
about that. He said, This is actually really strange. I've
not never had anyone share something like this with me
before who doesn't know me. He's like, yeah, you don't know me.
And he was like, um, and then he was like, which this is what I
was like, I needed to apologize for later, which I did. Like, he
was like, you don't know me. You're forming opinions and
assumptions about me that are not true. And he said, um,
basically, he was, he was offended, he was upset, and then
he blocked me. And so, but then upon receiving his feedback, I
was like, okay, I think I was I was way out of line, I should
not have said that outside of relationship context with him,
because, you know, I shouldn't have even said any of that. Like
that's not appropriate to talk to him about that without being
in a relationship context, right? So I was like, yes, this
was offensive. This was a boundary violation. So I felt
really bad and wanted to tell him, thank you for being honest
with that. Thank you for sharing me giving me insight. But he had
blocked me. And so I ended up finding him on Facebook, just to
write out an apology of like, I'm so sorry, I, you know, went
and looked at your followers and went behind your back to do
that. And I'm sorry that I formed opinions and assumptions
without knowing you in a genuine relationship context. So I
owned that and apologize. And then he did receive that
message and said, Hey, thanks for this message. I hope you
can understand my boundaries. And then he blocked me there. So
so anyways, I had that experience. I definitely owned,
owned like my mistake in bringing that up to him. Out of
fear. Here's the thing. I like there's a lot of teaching points
that we can probably cover on this topic. And so I'm really
thankful that you brought it. Okay. I like that you're kind of
you're checking yourself of like, Oh, why did I do that?
Because again, ladies, here's the thing. When we go searching
for things about men, especially if we get suspicious, we're
gonna find it. Okay. Honestly, I think you dodged a bullet with
this guy. I think it was actually probably a blessing
that you saw it and you mentioned it. Um, I want to
encourage you ladies, don't go searching to be like
investigate. And like you said, there's going to be tons of
like, wow, like I am forming this judgment of somebody that I
don't know. Okay. But what I will say is a divine masculine,
mature man would have responded differently than he did.
Okay, that's what I want. I think that is like, like, just
I like I know you're sitting here like I made a mistake. I
needed to apologize. I needed to own it. And I get I love that
that's your heart. A man that is marriage minded, masculine,
mature, he's not going to respond in the way that he did
that guy did. Because chances are, here's here's here was a
yellow flag for me. He's dodging the video call. Yes. That to me.
is like, okay, you're dodging a video call.
Oh, yeah, we can do it.
No, I'm gonna put you on audio.
No, dude, like, I'm thankful
that you held your boundary there.
No, I need a video call.
Ladies, do not feel bad for having boundaries.
It's okay to wanna make sure that this person
that you meet online is who they say they are, okay?
Now, I don't want you ladies that are all gonna be like,
oh, I'm like, you're always thinking
someone's gonna lie to you
or is not who they say they are, okay?
We have to have balance in this situation, okay?
We wanna be cautious, but we don't wanna be so cautious
that we're not like being God defended here.
We wanna have healthy boundaries.
That's why I love when we can come to this live sessions
and we can have these conversations.
And I can talk to Audrey
because she's the one that's coming with me.
And I see, you know what?
She's setting some healthy boundaries
and now she's sitting here thinking
that she needs to feel bad,
which Audrey, I don't think you need to feel bad about that.
I really don't.
Now, some of you ladies that are on this call,
you may be constantly looking to find a reason why
to like a guy is not a good guy.
For you ladies,
I would give you a different coaching advice, okay?
But this guy in particular, in Audrey's situation,
he probably wasn't genuine.
He's over in Ireland, again, international.
Like you gotta be careful with those international ones.
I'm not saying that there are not men on there
that are legit and real and they're international, okay?
Believe it or not,
we have a lot of international marriages in this community.
Okay?
But these are things like,
that's why we encourage you ladies,
get the video call ASAP, okay?
Especially if they're long distance, okay?
If they're long distance,
you need to have that video call within the first week.
Okay?
And if they're long distance and we can make it happen,
we want you meeting them in person within three weeks,
no more than six weeks.
Okay?
Again, these are guardrails.
They're not hard rules
because every situation is gonna be different.
But if you can't,
we need to come to the community
and let us know what's going on.
Because we can help you come up with solutions,
ideas, all sorts of things.
But Audrey, I really want you
to spend some time with Holy Spirit
and I'm gonna make this suggestion to you
and you can give me your feedback here.
What is that rooted in this feeling
like you had to go apologize
for his unacceptable response?
Like what led you to feel
that you had to go then after he blocked you,
that you had to go find him to apologize?
I love that heart.
I think there's like a goodness in that.
But what are you picking up
when he responded the way that he did?
I don't want you to take on his response
and be down on yourself about that.
Does that make sense?
Yes.
Okay, because I really think
this was showing you were God defended.
Like he blocked you,
that was a, okay, Lord,
you took him out before I really needed to do it myself.
Yeah.
I want you to trust your instinct at times
that, hey, I mean, I wouldn't, again,
I wouldn't encourage you ladies
to go like searching their social media
and all that kind of stuff
because you never know what you're gonna find.
And again, if he wasn't being inappropriate,
he would have been like, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.
And he would have talked through it with you
and he wouldn't have blocked you.
He wouldn't, you know, like that's just the thing.
But yeah, if they're following some scandalous,
risque women on social media is probably not a good thing.
Okay, and again, he was dodging that video call,
which was a yellow flag for me.
And so that, I think just that yellow flag,
guess what?
It turned, it turned red.
It turned red when you brought it to his attention
and your heart posture,
when you came to him and talked to him about that
and you allowed yourself to get vulnerable,
just know a healthy, divine, masculine,
mature marriage-minded man is gonna handle it
in a much better way.
Okay, it doesn't mean that they're not gonna get offended.
Y'all, I'm married and we've been married for two years
and there's times that I offend my husband.
My husband doesn't respond to me in a way that shuts me out.
It actually grows us closer.
Like, okay, because he knows my heart is not to offend him.
Just like when he offends me,
because believe it or not, he offends me sometimes.
I know his heart posture is not to offend me.
And it's our opportunity to work together
so that we remove any of those offenses.
Because remember what Jackie says,
if you're offended, it's typically, it's a heart issue.
It's something inward that you now have the opportunity.
And with your person,
it's actually going to grow you closer together.
And it's also gonna grow you deeper
in your intimacy with the Lord.
It really will.
Okay, so thank you.
I know you said you were embarrassed by that.
I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about
because, I mean, I used to do that too.
I used to go searchin', all right?
I would, I mean, and I've messed up in my marriage sometimes
and have said things that I'm like,
ooh, I really made a mistake.
Yeah.
Ladies, like mistakes are gonna happen
and it's totally okay.
And so it's when we can come here, we can release it,
we can share it, and you can get some solid coaching.
And I hope that it's given you reassurance
to know like, you dodged a bullet with that one.
I really, really do.
Like, I didn't like the fact
that he was skirting along that video call.
Really didn't.
And so when you shared that
and he went ahead and just blocked,
girl, you were getting in on,
you were starting to figure him out.
He was like, oh no.
He thought he had it like hook, line, and sinker.
Oh, I got this girl.
Like, I'm gonna be able to manipulate her.
And you're like, no, I need a video call.
Okay, now there's some things
that are making me uncomfortable
with the women that you follow.
And he's like, uh-oh, she found me out.
So he's getting himself out of the line of fire.
Yeah, yeah.
I think you dodged a bullet.
I don't think you should feel bad.
You know, I think there's some learning opportunities there
that you can uncover.
Okay, what's my fear?
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Again, your spirit mate
is not gonna respond to you in that way.
Yeah, I think that is what I really needed to hear too,
because I'm like, my heart longs
for someone to hold space and capacity
for even the mistakes, even the fears, even the stuff.
My heart longs for a man to hold space for me.
And like, yeah, like you said, even in offense,
like let's dialogue and talk this out.
It was the block that like really bothered me, the block.
I was never been blocked before.
And it was like, why would you block me?
Like, let's dialogue.
But this is where,
so ladies, this is where that discovery dating is.
This is part of discovery dating.
You realize like, Audrey's finding out like,
I know what I like and I know what I don't like.
And God is revealing to her the heart of her husband.
Wow.
What the heart of her husband.
I got Holy Spirit on that one.
He is revealing that to you.
He's giving you glimpses of what his desire is
for your mate and who he has for you.
So you're seeing what it doesn't look like.
And you're like, no, but I really desire that.
I want someone to leave me space.
I want the grace.
I tell that to you ladies all the time.
If you've been in here for a hot minute,
you know, I will tell you ladies,
you have to practice giving grace to men in this community
and in your dating,
because you're going to have to give grace to your husband.
I have to give grace to my husband often,
but guess what?
He also has to give grace to me often.
Like, and divine masculine and divine feminine
and mature marriage-minded, Christ-centered.
There's going to be a heart posture there of humbling.
And so I know that, you know,
your husband is going to be that safe place for you.
That's the divine masculine.
He's there to protect and to be that safe space.
And so I think it was a blessing
that you had this experience.
And again, in these moments where you ladies
are like getting some of these men
that, you know, they're not nice or they're nasty,
and it can really be discouraging
and it can really get us upset.
But I really want you ladies
to really spend time digging in with Holy Spirit
on what is He revealing to you about your future spirit mate.
Take these opportunities of disappointment.
and be like, okay, Lord, what are you showing me here?
So, Audrey, he's showing you the heart
of what your husband is like,
what your husband's heart's going to be like,
and it is going to have space for you.
It's going to have space in these moments of,
okay, this is making me uncomfortable,
and I really want to talk this out.
Like that right there, ladies,
that's when we're saying look for the three Ms.
That's one of the three Ms.
Okay, you're going to have conflict in dating,
and you're going to have conflict in relationship.
It's how people show up,
and they're allowed to make mistakes too.
We're allowed to make mistakes.
Ladies, I love it when you all come to me and say,
I made a mistake because chances are I probably made
that mistake a hundred million times when I was single.
So, Audrey, again, thank you so much.
I think you've blessed all of us with that.
I hope you all were able to take a little bit
of wisdom from that.
I hope it blessed all of you.
Thank you so much, Carla.
Woo!
Thank you.
I love this community.
That was good.
That was really good.
Free spirit is so good, right?
All right, Liz, you're up next.
How are you?
Oh, you're muted.
I'm muted.
There you go.
How are you?
I'm okay.
What about you guys?
We are good.
Okay, this is my first time sharing.
That's okay.
I'm a bit nervous.
Okay, so I had my first date
with a certain guy I met at shopping.
My first issue was going out and meeting new people.
So I've tried going shopping.
And last week, last Saturday,
I went to a church community for singles.
It was something very good.
I enjoyed.
I'm happy.
I had fun meeting other people who are single
and we had so many things to learn.
But I had issues with the first dates that I had
and you told me to come in
so that we may discuss a bit about him.
So this is the guy that you met.
He was working at one of the stores
that you were shopping at, right?
Yes, yes.
And he started coming out the gate asking you,
like, who do you live with?
Yeah.
At the one.
And then you ended up going out on a date
and then he asked if he could walk you to your car
or walk you home.
Was it to your car or to walk you home?
Home.
Yes, and y'all, she did good.
Liz did awesome.
She's like, no, you cannot.
This is a first date.
She didn't know who he is.
And he wants, I mean, again,
some men feel like that might be the chivalrous thing to do,
especially a man that maybe has a good heart in it, okay?
There are gonna be men that will do that
because they have a good heart,
but we don't know that yet, okay?
So she put up the boundary and she's like, no.
And then his response was,
well, will you escort me to my house?
No, sir.
No, absolutely not.
So you told him no.
And then what has his response been?
Have you still been contacting him
and pulling up your posts now
so I can even refresh my memory some more?
Yeah, we have been talking.
Okay.
So his response was, okay,
so when are you going to be comfortable?
I told him when we get to know each other well,
then we will discuss if we can come at my house
or at your house.
But for now, I'm not comfortable
because we are still strangers.
Then he said, no, he just left the topic like that.
So sometimes he brings up the topic
if maybe if I ask about his preferences in food
or something like that,
he says maybe you can come and cook for me
or I can come at your house and you cook for me this food,
which I like, which I declined also.
Yeah.
So on Sunday, we were supposed to have a second date.
I told you he calls me the pet names like my love and-
Yeah, I don't like that either.
He's calling you like wifey.
Have you, when he's done that,
are you putting up a boundary and saying,
hey, I'm flattered,
but can we please wait for that type of talk
until we've gotten to know each other better?
So the first time I'd not say anything,
I just ignored the names.
So, that day when I shared with you guys, you told me to tell him to stop.
So, I told him, I shared with him on Sunday, before our date, then he just said okay.
Then I asked him about the date, at what time will we meet, because we were supposed to meet
after he closes his shop. So, he called, then he said, he was in a very noisy place, so I could
not hear him. Then after that, he said we should chat instead of talking, but he never got back to
me until today. So, he got back to me today and he was like, my phone broke, I could not reach back
to you on time. Then I told him, okay, so what happened to your phone? He just told me it broke
and he could not reach me until today. He missed me a lot and he told me, can you come to my
shop today? I told him, no, I have a Zoom meeting today, so I won't be able to come, maybe tomorrow.
So, that is it. Are there any qualities about him that you like?
The only thing that I have noticed that it's common to both of us, he likes gym and I also like
working out. Most of the things, I really do not know him that much, because even when we chat or
we talk to each other, it's just greetings. It's not those kind of calls that you can get to know
someone. I mean, I'm having some concerns because it sounds a lot to me like he's love bombing you,
which for ladies that don't know what that is, it's like a complete stranger just being like,
oh, I miss you. Oh, hey wife, how are you doing? He's calling her wife, he's telling her that he's
you've only gone on the one date, right? You guys haven't had the second date yet.
Gone on one date y'all and he wanted to escort her to, he wanted to come to her house and when
she said no, he wanted her to come to his house. Ladies, to me, these are red flags.
So, Liz, I'm not going to sit here and tell you what you have to do or what you need to do,
because you're going to have to come to that conclusion yourself. But I really do want you to
spend time. Is this someone that you really feel comfortable with? Do you feel comfortable
with someone pushing your boundaries and not respecting boundaries? Ladies, I get this story a
lot and I share it out of experience. My husband wanted to kiss me on our first date and I told him
no. He didn't push the issue. He respected it and he was constantly asking me, do you mind if I hold
your hand? Do you mind this? How are you feeling about this? He was very intentional about
what I was feeling and how I felt. He wanted to make sure that I felt comfortable around him.
Ladies, that's important. Okay. Your boundaries are important. And so, Liz, what's concerning me
is it doesn't sound like he's catching what your boundaries are and he's not respecting them.
He's constantly seeing how far he can push to see what you're going to give in. And ladies,
that's where it can get dangerous, ladies, especially for some of us that are like,
okay, maybe I'm not being nice enough. Maybe I'm not giving him a chance, all that kind of stuff.
And those guys will do that. They will see where you're not sure and they're going to keep coming
at it. It's important that you hold boundaries, but again, this is always about balance. Balance
is so key. Your divine feminine can come out, but you also need to have that balance of being able
to have good, healthy boundaries too. All right. Some of us have the walls up and some of us don't
have any walls. We got to find the happy medium here. Okay. But Liz, this guy I have concerns with
that he is not respecting your boundaries.
He's constantly pushing that issue,
wanting to get you somewhere where it's not public.
Even coming to his shop when it's closing, like, no.
No. All right, ladies.
Again, I'm not trying because there's going to be
some of you ladies that are on alert and this is going to be like,
oh my gosh, and I get that.
But this is where we have to come into community and we
will help you walk through that, all right?
You don't know this man, all right?
Ladies, it's so important that when you're out dating in level one,
level two, that you are in public places.
You're not going to people's houses,
you're not inviting them to your house.
That's so, so important.
I hate to share this information,
but we've had women in this program that have not followed that,
and unfortunately, they've gotten themselves hurt because of it.
It's so important in our community that you ladies are safe,
and so I just, Liz,
I just don't get,
I get a lot of red flags with this guy.
Thank you so much.
How are you feeling with that?
Were you feeling it and just felt like maybe you
just needed someone else to share that with you, or?
Yes, I felt like he's pushing me towards something that I do not want.
I wanted to ask you guys so that you may help me.
Because there are times you feel like maybe you're being
mean or not doing something good,
you're being antisocial and stuff.
Ladies, again, it's that fine line of it's about setting boundaries,
and you did that so well,
and he's not respecting it.
That feeling of discomfort and you're like,
okay, I don't like this,
this is not what I want.
That's your boundary saying,
this person's not respecting it,
and that's when you can bless and block.
You literally can bless and block this guy.
Okay. Thank you so much.
Again, ladies, I will always leave it up to you.
Do you want to, you ladies can decide,
okay, I'm going to say, hey,
I just don't see this going anywhere romantically.
I wish you the best of luck. Take care.
You can say that to him.
Sometimes you don't even want to engage in that.
That's why sometimes it's okay to just bless them and block them,
and not even give them a reason.
Because what you have to be very careful of is you can give him the,
I don't see this going anywhere,
and these men that will sometimes want to sit there,
and then they're going to try to figure a way to come pull at your heartstrings.
That's why it's okay at times,
ladies, don't feel bad to bless and block.
I've had to do it.
No, boy, bye.
You don't have to tell them why you're blocking them.
That's part of being God-defended.
Utilize that as your godly intuition instinct.
You're putting up a boundary.
He's not respecting it.
It's making you uncomfortable.
Now you're starting to feel bad.
No, don't feel bad. This is not what I want.
I don't want this.
It's clear he's not respecting my boundaries.
All right. Sorry, sir.
You don't get access.
I'm closing that gate.
Boy, bye.
All right. Thank you so much for coming and sharing.
I hope that's helpful to you.
I hope that's helpful for a lot of you ladies.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, Meg from Chicago. How are you?
Hi, Carla. Hi, everybody.
What's your question? What you got?
Well, there's more I wanted to share with you,
kind of update what's going on and hear your thoughts.
Yes.
You remember I'm the one who has the friend for everybody else.
We've been friends since we're about 21 and we're now 48.
On and off.
But he was married and now he's not.
And, you know, I went this past week.
I just got home last night.
How'd it go?
It went really well.
Before I get into it, I will tell you the previous slightly
hairy situation he did end up apologizing for.
OK.
He sent me just a funny little meme of a guy who was on a date
romantic weekend with his girlfriend, and he ruined it by saying
what he really thought.
Oh, it's just kind of like a little, you know what I mean?
Just kind of like a funny.
Yeah. It screwed up.
OK, so he did that and you're like,
how did he know that that was not OK for him to do?
He didn't know, actually, we would just.
think he's he has a conscience. Do you know what I mean? I
really do respond to him though.
I didn't know. I pretended that that's not what he was referring
to that he was just sending something really funny. Because
I didn't want to make any beliefs or assumptions. And I
just, I just said, that's a really funny one. I said, good,
you know, and I just said, Tell me what are you thinking right
now at this very second? You know what I mean? I just kind of
tried to be very tongue in cheek about it and make light of it
and not serious since we are just friends historically, and
we really haven't talked about well, and you have some were
like, there's there's history there. Like, you know, each
other, there's going to be a comfort level there. Yeah,
there's a comfort. There's a safety with one another. Yeah,
absolutely. So I went this week that I went for about five days.
Okay. And he started texting me the moment I got there. And he
would text me in the evenings, he would text me in the
mornings, what are you up to? And my best friend who lives
there said, See, I was expecting this. See, now you're here. And
now it's real for him. You know, so we had made plans to go out
on Friday night. Okay, he picked me up. And we talked nonstop for
five hours, like nonstop for five hours. We went for dinner
and then for drinks. Maybe I drank a little much, but we were
very appropriate with each other, you know, just every now
and then we'd reach out and touch one another on the arm. So
there was that. Yeah, but there wasn't like a lot of like, um,
you know, I'm used to guys who want to get in your pants like
that's my history, right? And I'm used to really putting the
moves on you checking you out with their eyes. We were kind of
jokey a little bit, but it was really more like knowing one
another. Yeah, we talked for five hours. He shared a lot he
shared about his divorce, what had happened, found out he had
been dating for a few years now. So the divorce is five years
old. I thought it was three years old. I don't really know
that he's been dating seriously, because his life is incredibly
busy and hectic. And it he just didn't make it sound like any
race was happening. So um, but we really didn't talk about
relationship stuff. We talked about us, we talked about where
we have been, what's going on. He asked questions, I asked
questions, of course, loved, loved being with him. Okay,
because we have this. I don't know if it's that we're just
special to each other. But we have this connection. You know
what I mean? Like, we get one another and we talk incredibly
easy, even about very esoteric topics that other people may
know nothing about, but yet they're a part of our regular
lives. Yeah. And so I want to and I'm gonna I'm gonna stop you
for just a minute, because I do want to make sure that I'm
sharing this with all the ladies that are on the call,
and then we're gonna be watching a replay. Meg's situation is as
much different than what we coach. Okay. So what she's
sharing, if this was a random guy that you didn't know, what I
would be like, okay, we're getting too much information too
soon. Okay, because talking about somebody who's divorced on
a first date, like getting into the like nitty gritty of that
that's something that we're gonna say, hey, like, hold hold
those conversations. Okay. It's slightly different here with
Meg, because she has known him since she was 21. And so there's
some history there. They were friends, they were good friends,
they were both married, then then they both got divorced. And
so it's all kind of overlapping. And it's kind of going to these
like full circle situations, right. And so, again, it's the
same thing with the flirting and the messages that are going
on. If this was someone that she just met, I would be saying,
hey, these are some pretty big flats. But this is a different
delicate situation, because there's history there. Okay, so
I just want to make sure that I'm sharing that because, again, I
don't want ladies thinking, oh, we're totally fine with, you
know, the flirting and the going and having drinks. And
like, this is a little bit different. This is not a guy
that she doesn't know who he is. Okay.
Yeah, yeah. This is somebody. He's always kind of had my heart
at some level. I've had his heart. And we were young
together. And now we are old together. You know, so yeah.
Did you spend a lot more time with each other that you that
more than you thought you would or
honestly, I care. So Carla, there's just so much like I
didn't even know what to expect, because that's the only first
time I saw him this weekend. So then some other things happened.
Not bad. Very, very good. But um, you know, I went in there
because I hadn't seen him so long. And I think so highly of him as a person and just really believe
that God could be in this. So I don't, cause I deal with the fear of messing it up that I have
to kind of just me and God. Right. But so I didn't really have a grid for what it was going to look
like. I knew in some way I was facing my Goliath, which is not him, which is the spirit of fear
by going into that conversation. At the same time, I knew the Lord had prepared me,
like even on the way driving down there, I came across this audio series. I had never listened
to in my car and I didn't have my car 25 years ago, but this audio series was 25 years old
about releasing single women from the invisibility tag and stuff in the spirit. That's keeping their
spirit mate from seeing them and saying that now is your time. Now is your season. And God's about
this is your coming out party. And I just thought, wow, this is happening right when I'm driving.
This is odd. The same time that's happened. And I'm repenting of things and dealing with stuff.
This construction sign flashes up, you know, the signs where they can change what it says.
Oh yeah. It's like move over, use your blinker. You believe what it said? It said,
it's a love story, baby. Just drive safe.
I'm like, what? I love those. I call those God wings. Okay. So it has to be a God thing, right?
So I mean, cause it's not me cooking stuff up. So I went there with faith, but yet very fearful.
So it went a lot better than I thought in terms of like, we just kind of snapped back in as if
had seen one another yesterday, our spirits know each other, you know? So we just, yeah,
you have that history. You have that comfortability with each other. When we went for drinks,
I don't really drink much. So he's like, what do you want to order? I said, heck, if I know,
just order, you know, so get me an old, get me what you're drinking. I said, just load up on
the cherries. And so those really expensive cherries, like the second time it was like
he had stuffed it with like seven of those really, I mean, like he's just really, he's got such
character and I, I value him a lot, but you know, we're in a loud space. So we have to be incredibly
close to one another, staring straight at our faces for hour and a half. Right. Okay. And he
didn't say anything. And I thought too, you know, I've just dropped some bombs on him because
up to this point, we chat online. Sometimes we flirt not so much after that incident, really.
Yeah. You know, it can be just like kind of shooting the crap. It's not necessarily a big
deal. So he didn't even know like, where am I at with God? What do I think about things? I know
more about what he thinks. Cause he posts stuff on Instagram. I don't care. So I do realize like,
he's just really, I'm just dropping the bomb on him in a lot of areas and see, he's just for the
first time actually seeing how aligned we are in every single thing we're saying, whether he
confesses that. So then he, he goes to take me back to the hotel after five hours. You know,
I get it. He's like, my bedtime is between 10, 12, 10 30. He's like, we got to go. I'm like,
okay, we're going. We get back to the hotel and he said, so when are you here? Till I said,
I'm supposed to leave Monday morning. He said, let's grab coffee on Monday. He's kind of a
high priority person. So the fat and we're also our love languages are both quality time.
Okay. So the fact that he tells me he's going to take off his meetings when he's like
super high in the company on Monday morning to have coffee. That's not a nothing. You know what
I mean? Yeah. Okay. So we plan on doing that. But yet in the meantime, it's Saturday now,
he's still writing what's going on today. You know, I'm, I ask him what he's doing. He asked
me what I'm doing. So the conversation is still going. He just might not always have all that time.
Yes. And then on Sunday, some other stuff happens. So Sunday I'm going to go to church. I go to the
church. He said, what service are you going to? I said, well, nine, but I don't think I'm going
to make it. Sometimes he doesn't go to service. He said, I'll be there at 11. I think in a way,
he may not have been going to come unless I showed up. But anyway, I was there. I was there at 11.
I walked in, couldn't find a seat. It got dark. It's a big church. So I just stood there in the
doorway. I'm like, what am I going to do? Where am I going to sit? All of a sudden, this guy blasts
me. And like, I hit the wall because he hits me so hard, right? When the guy turns around and says,
pardon me. And it, and then he went and then he looks and it's Matt and he goes, come on.
So we went and sat together, but we weren't planning to sit together.
So it's just kind of weird.
So here we are,
and the message is all about suffering and hope
and laying down everything for the future for God,
laying down everything,
and God's gonna do something so amazing in your life.
I'm like, this is really just weird.
Then we go out,
and our cars are parked right next to each other.
And it's just kind of odd, right?
So anyway.
There's some good things.
There's good things happening here.
I love it.
So.
Then on Monday, quickly.
Okay.
We gotta wrap it up though,
cause I got.
Yeah, yeah.
People don't want to share.
We got together and we talked,
but he didn't talk.
I guess my question is,
because he didn't talk overtly
about anything relationally, right?
He just talked.
And he's talking and talking and sharing.
And he's like,
I do not know why I'm monopolizing this conversation.
And he just keeps, you know,
and we're talking and sharing
and finding all these other things we have in common.
Now, Friday was about then.
Monday's about now.
And he said, I would tell you to move here.
He said, but don't come here.
He said, because this is a horrible state.
And I said, well, I don't have much choice.
He said, well, I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to.
I said, well, when I leave,
I'm not leaving alone.
So I don't think him saying that
had anything to do with me, him.
It had to do with financially.
Don't get yourself stuck here.
I do have to move there
because I need a place to move
and that's where people live.
I'm going to be going to Airbnb.
I've decided.
So it's not a commitment.
But anyway, my question is,
he didn't make anything,
any words about a commitment or about,
I'm sure I'm going to see him.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like this is a friendship and the guy likes me.
He's still texting me.
I'm home.
When we left, I did say,
thank you so much for all the time you spent with me,
for all the trip.
I mean, he spent over $200 on me.
You know what I mean?
Like this is not a guy who spends a lot of money easily.
And I just said,
you know what makes me much less satisfied
to go back to only texting now.
But I guess I just don't know.
Continue to get to know him.
I mean, continue.
I mean, at some point I do,
would encourage the,
hey, you know, you can have the,
you know, where are you at?
Like what's going on in your life
and see what he's able to offer up to you.
Okay, we don't want to have the,
the where's this going conversation.
Ladies.
No, no, no.
Oh yeah.
For the men.
The men need to initiate that.
This is where it's going.
But I want you just, again,
it's about creating healthy boundaries and balance.
And are you open to dating other people in this time?
I am.
I'm not open to going online.
Okay, that's fine.
I'm gonna have to find another way.
Getting out, do life with people,
you know, continue to have the reciprocating
back and forth with him.
Right?
And then,
and let's just kind of keep seeing what he brings up
and things of that nature.
And here's the thing is,
if he's making flirty comments to you or things like that,
that's when you can say,
hey, you know,
you're saying a lot of these flirty comments.
Are you looking to get into relationship in the future?
What would that look like for you?
Do I wait to say that in person or should I?
Because we don't really have a lot of quality contact
on texts.
It's more like just.
I mean, I wouldn't text it.
I wouldn't text those type of conversations.
If you have like,
do you have phone conversations or video calls?
No, we don't.
So.
Offer those and see if he'd be willing
to do some video calls with you.
Okay.
I really enjoyed spending time with you when I was visiting.
It would be really nice for us to stay in touch
and do some video calls.
Would that work for you?
And then see what he says.
Because there's a lot that can happen on video.
You're gonna be able to see people's facial expressions.
You can hear their tone.
You can see how they're responding.
Is there engagement?
Like, are they in tune to what you're saying?
Are they leaned in or are they being distracted?
There's all sorts of things
that you can pick up on body language.
So I would offer that.
I would offer like, this was really fun.
I'd like to spend more time
continuing to get to know you better.
Would you be open to doing like,
a weekly video call with me?
I don't know why I'm afraid to do that.
Is there a mistake in waiting
until I move there temporarily at the end of the month?
Well, let's dive into this.
What's the fear?
Because you even said that you had a fear of messing up.
There's some fear.
There's a spirit of fear.
What are the concerns?
What's the biggest fear?
Like, if you put that out there,
what are you worried is gonna happen?
I guess the fear is,
okay, so I just dropped a bomb on him about all these things
and perhaps he hasn't been considering
anything serious with anybody
because there has been nobody to, you know.
And I guess my fear is he's going to think now I like him and he's going to run the other
way.
Or that the fear is he's just not interested or because he's a very, very smart.
He's like me.
He's incredibly brainy and like, like focused in his mind.
He, he may be like just an in-person person.
Okay.
I don't want to put a pressure.
I don't want you to sit here because you, it sounds like you can easily get spiraled.
Yes, I can.
It's the fear.
I mean, and I can relate to this on so many levels.
I mean, it's, it was very much something that I struggled with as well.
And so I want what, what my concern is, is that you allow the fear to continue to keep
holding you back.
You're running the risk of getting yourself into a situationship where you're going to
start fantasizing what this could look like, but you're going to be so scared because if
he doesn't feel the same way, so you're holding back because if he doesn't feel the same way,
then it kind of crushes things, right?
There's that fear of what if it doesn't turn out the way that I want, or maybe I messed
something up or I speak too soon.
I really want you to spend time with Holy Spirit on that one with this fear of messing
up fear of making mistakes.
I think a lot of women on this call will be able to relate to that as well.
This fear of making a mistake, the fear of messing it up.
You're not going to, ladies, you're not going to mess up your spirit, mate.
I guess, I guess the question is given that this was a friendship to start with, and if
it stays like that, it stays like that.
I've got a lot of guys in my past and I am, I know about moving on, but I guess I just
don't know the protocol because it is a friendship and maybe he's not thinking anything because
it's a friendship.
How do I approach this?
Well, I think you can say, Hey, I like reach out to him now that you've, you know, you
just got home.
Hey, I really enjoyed my time getting to know you.
I'm not sure where you're at, but I would like to continue to keep getting to know you.
Where are you at as far as, you know, in your life, I mean, you can, you can say, I want
to continue to get to know you.
I really enjoyed myself with you and I'd still want to continue to spend more time getting
to know you better.
So basically like I value you and I want you in my life.
The, Hey, I really enjoyed this and I would like to see what we've got going on here.
Let's just start getting to know each other and see his response.
Now if you start seeing that he's pulling away, then that might be an indicator.
And then you can have that conversation again, your situation is going to be slightly different
because you know of him.
So it may be, it might not be a bad idea to just put it out there and say, Hey, share
with him.
I'm in this program.
It's called last year, single, because I believe God's got a spirit mate for me and I'm intentionally
getting out there and dating.
And I really enjoy my time with you.
Where are you at with that?
I know you recently got divorced.
Have you ever considered romantic relationships in the future?
Okay.
Like it's, you can say this is, this is a different, this is a different scenario because
you guys have some history guys know each other a little bit.
So again, I wouldn't coach women who, you know, just met somebody that you can throw
that conversation out there, but because you have a friendship, it's probably good to figure
out where the two of you are at because you don't want to jeopardize this friendship.
And if he's not there, then you can be like, okay, like, and you can move on.
But if he is interested in entertaining and getting to know you better, then you guys
can see where you're going with it.
So if he's interested, is that there a valid assumption?
Because I guess I've just been assuming if he's interested, he is eventually going to
say something not always because we're friends and he may not get it.
No.
I mean, I was gonna say sometimes men don't, sometimes men are grippled with fear to believe
it or not.
I mean, if he's gone through a divorce, I don't know what his, his marriage was like
before.
Maybe there's some rejection there that he's even sensing, like, believe it or not, ladies,
men have insecurities too.
They have fears too.
And so you never really know.
And that's why communication is important.
I'm always communicating to you ladies, like having open.
communication, healthy conversations.
Makes me wonder if I messed up.
No, don't see, we got to get to this.
This is again, God is utilizing this situation and scenario.
Cause I kind of see you getting like, Oh, you're the gears are going, girl.
I'd recognize it because I was there with you.
Okay.
So we got to like spend some time.
This is where that heartwork comes in.
I mean, I guess your, and where, where did that, where did that enter?
What memories in your past?
I guess it's just always been there.
All I know is when he said about not coming to the area because of it's, you
know, cause of the politics or whatever.
And I said, I don't have a choice.
I'm a single lady and I'm not going somewhere where I don't
have people who love me.
And so this is my pick.
This is where I've got.
And I said, and also single I'm trusting.
I'm believing, I hope.
And I do believe God will change that.
Yeah.
But for right now, this is what I got.
And then when he said about leaving the state, he would, if he could.
And I said, well, I agree with that.
But when I leave, I'm not leaving alone.
Yeah.
So I think it's clear what I'm interested in.
Yeah.
So I just don't know, do I need to say anything else or just let him percolate?
I think I don't want to, I want you to spend some time with Holy spirit on this.
I really want you spending some time with your fears.
I just don't want to, I would, I would be happy to say this in person.
I could have said this in person while we were there.
Okay.
I would get the video, get a video call.
Cause you guys are not going to be able to be in person.
And then is this, is this going to sit?
In your mind and create chaos in your mind to where you release it.
I don't think so.
I've got an Airbnb down there starting in number 27th.
And it will be for six months because the truth is I've just relocated after 20
years on the East coast and I'm living with my mother and I can't stay here.
And the only place where I'm known with people I love is there.
Well, here's the thing.
You're making a decision to move there because it's the best decision for you.
It's where God has, you're not going there because of him.
He's there and use that and it's a perk.
Like that's great because you get along with them, but you are there because it's
where God is, is calling you to be.
At least for now.
And we'll see.
Exactly.
So, yeah, I think again, you can continue to keep having conversation with him.
I really want you to be in tune with when you are having the fearful thoughts and
spend time with Holy spirit on that.
This is where, again, I'm going to reference you back to heartwork.
What is the fear?
What is the anxious thought?
When in your past, did you feel that before?
Where does it feel similar and start unpacking?
Okay.
Is Lord, is there a lie that I'm believing?
What is your truth?
Right.
No, no, I show me, I want you to spend some time focusing on that because here's
the thing from someone who, who can, I mean, I'm an, I'm, I can go on the hamster
reel, like nobody's, nobody's business.
Okay.
From someone who has been there.
One thing that has really helped me and that I continue to do heartwork is
constantly going back and being in check with what, what lie, what fear, what
is the truth?
That's so important just in life in general.
One more thing.
Okay.
I'm going to have, can you put it in the, in the app so that way I can get to it?
Cause there's, I've got four other women and we are already 10 minutes over.
And so I want to be able to get to them.
So come to the app, post in the app, ladies, I want to encourage all of you
ladies, because I know that these, these one-on-one or with these group calls,
we can get into some meaty stuff.
It really does help move things along for everybody in the whole group is if
you're keeping us up to date in the app.
So like Sonia, I know she's, she's posted in the app.
I know Liz has made, she made some posts in the app.
I got, um, I think I've seen Patty, Stephanie, Kelly, Stephanie Davis,
uh, both Stephanie's actually Lori Allie, like, or all Allah she's in
like these women are coming into the app and they're sharing what's going on.
So that when we get to these group calls, myself and Ebony at least have
some background knowledge so that we can't dive all that in.
So we want to be able to help you unpack all of it.
Okay.
It helps us if we.
are getting up to date through the week.
We also do offer one-on-one coaching.
You can hire us to do one-on-one coaching as well.
So if you need more time, like a 50 minute session,
that's five zero, you can go on Jackie's website,
myself, Ebony, several other coaches are also able
to do one-on-one calls as well,
so that we can kind of dig a little deeper if we need to.
But make sure you're coming in the app and posting, okay?
So Meg, I'm gonna look for that for this week.
I'm gonna look for your post, okay?
Karina, how are things going with you
and your relationship?
Things still, are we doing good?
Are we getting in some blind spots?
What's happening?
What's your question?
It's good, but I think I've noticed
I've gotten triggered several times,
but not necessarily anything he does.
Okay.
I think my fears, like my fears trying to protect me
from like getting hurt and all that kind of stuff.
I think that's the main thing.
Like I was praying about it and I realized like,
you know what, like I'm trying to like protect myself.
I'm not being like God defender, like I'm trying.
Yeah.
Future scenario is like, oh, well,
what if his family doesn't like me?
Cause they're very different than mine
and they're very different than me.
That most of them are not believers and things like that.
Okay.
We, I don't even, haven't even met them
and I'm thinking like very future oriented.
So, because I've realized like I'm very future oriented,
like I realized I need to take a step back
and be more like in the present,
but that's got me a little bit confused about timing then.
And that's my question when it comes to timing,
like, cause we've been dating
for like a month and a half now.
So it's like, when is the right time to like meet parents
or family or friends, like that kind of stuff too.
Cause I think in a lot of like Christian communities,
like I've heard, like it's important for, you know,
for people to like meet your person,
seeing kind of have like those, you know, extra eyes
and see if there's anything that you might be missing.
So that's my question.
Here's the thing for you, it's gonna, it's gonna look,
maybe it's gonna look a little differently for him.
So it's gonna be important for you to invite him
to do things in your, in your world.
So if you're somebody that is, you know,
if you're family oriented
and you and your family do things together,
or you and your friends, like if things like that happen,
like you can invite him to come along
because here's the thing ladies is when you get,
cause she's in a level three relationship now,
they're exclusive, they're just dating each other.
And so now is when you're gonna start integrating
your lives together.
They're gonna, you're gonna want them to see you
in your daily life and you're gonna want opportunities
to see them in their daily life.
Okay.
And so what it can start off with Karina
is you inviting him into your world.
Okay.
Start there.
Okay.
Maybe that's the comfort level for him right now,
because maybe like you said, his family isn't believers.
They're very different than yours.
So there might be some hesitation on his part
or he might not know,
like we don't know what that looks like for him yet.
So inviting him into your community
and doing life with you on your terms,
that is a good start.
And then as you guys do that,
you can open the floor for conversation of,
hey, have you ever thought of, you know,
me coming and meeting your family?
After some time of him maybe coming around your family
and seeing those questions or those, not those questions,
those conversations and those topics will naturally come up
as you're continuing to get to know each other
in this level three.
Okay.
It's not going to happen overnight.
Okay.
It often doesn't.
Okay.
I know in our community, we do have accelerated stories,
but there's a lot of stories too,
where there isn't as much so acceleration,
but there is a slower pacing, which is totally fine too.
It's just, again, it's that staying in the moment,
staying in the present, you know,
you can invite him into your world to do things.
And then wait for him to invite you into his.
And after a while, I would say after, you know,
after a while, if you're, you know,
constantly doing stuff in your life, in your community,
say, I would really like to see you in your,
like in your daily world.
What would that look like?
And bring that up to him, like,
and seeing where he is with that.
Yeah, he did mention to set up something
with like two of his cousins, girl cousins.
One of them did grow up as a Christian.
So I think maybe that's why he's like,
I think it'd be easier transition start with her.
Like he's a fairly new believer, right?
And y'all work at the same church.
He grew up a believer, but he's been back to church,
like maybe a year and a half.
Okay.
Okay, so yeah, like he's grown up, but he's like,
there was maybe some time away for a little bit.
He's got friends that aren't believers.
I know we talked about that when they went
for their little weekend trip with the guys,
all that kind of stuff, 100%.
So that's what I'm saying, like,
you are at some point gonna be integrated into that.
And so set the tone and inviting him into your world,
but also be open to saying,
hey, it's really important for me
to be able to see your world too,
and making it a safe place for him so that he knows,
like, you're not going to just cut and run
because one of his friends that he's good friends with
is maybe, you know, not a believer,
doing things maybe they shouldn't be doing.
Maybe they got a mouth on them,
it has some language, maybe, you know, whatever that is.
Okay, so just, again,
it's about creating a safe place for him as well.
And you can start that
by inviting him into your world as well.
He mentioned that he wanted to set up something
with those, but he hasn't brought it up since.
So I don't know if I should bring it up
or just wait for him to bring it up again.
You can bring it up.
Be like, hey, you know,
the other day we were talking about this,
you know, do we have any plans for that?
Okay.
Yeah, don't, ladies, don't hesitate to bring things up.
Because I will tell you, when you get into marriage,
sometimes I have to bring up the uncomfortable conversations
with my husband because he's on a different like wavelength.
Men just think differently than women.
Like for me, it's in my mind all the time.
And I'll be like, hey,
and he'll be like, oh, I totally forgot about it.
Not because he was trying to avoid the conversation,
it's just because he literally forgot about it.
Like, forgot.
And so I don't want you ladies to feel
like you have to hesitate to tiptoe around.
Like, you're not going to want to feel
like you have to tiptoe around the guy that you're dating
and potentially, you know, when you get into marriage,
you don't want to tiptoe around your husband.
Like, you want to be fully comfortable sharing,
hey, this is on my mind, let's talk about this.
You know, and then that's okay.
So sometimes it's because they just forget.
Sometimes they just need a little reminding.
My husband is always telling me, babe,
that's why you're here, you're here to remind me.
I'm like, well, I have my own stuff to remember
sometimes too.
And the kids.
So he's getting better at it.
But yeah, sometimes the men just need a little reminder.
Okay, and keep us posted.
All right, Alla, are you able to chat?
I know we're trying to get her connected with community
and she's shared with us.
Did you want to talk about what you posted earlier
about what to do when guys like say things
that feel like rude?
Maybe a little bit, but I can really stand up for myself now
as life took me on an adventure,
I will stand up for myself no matter what.
Okay, good.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was asking her,
cause she came in with a question
and I was asking her in the app,
like how she felt about standing up for herself.
Because, and so I just said, hey, let's jump on that.
Let's jump on the call.
Let's unpack that some
and just share whatever it is
that she's got on her heart right now.
So I'm gonna leave the floor to you, Alla.
So you let me know, what do you wanna bring to the table?
I'm really at peace in dating right now.
So I'm not putting too much effort
because God knows my schedule, my abilities.
And I'm really busy.
I'm actually driving to pick up my kids right now.
I was gonna say, yeah.
In the future, when we come on the one o'clock call,
is it better for you to jump in the seat
like and chat in the beginning or?
It varies.
Okay.
It really varies.
I have two jobs and three kids
that I have to get to school and from school.
So, but I'm trying.
Well, next week when you come on,
you just let me know,
hey, I got this amount of time
and we will make space for you, okay?
Cause I know you've got a busy life.
It's fine.
I know there's a chat 24 seven, I can do it.
Yeah, we're always connected with you ladies.
So just know, okay.
I do like, I just wanted to check in on her
cause she's been coming a couple of times.
And so she lives where I used to live.
And so have you been able to reach out to anybody?
Yes, yes.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
I sent both messages or email and message
and they both responded
and hopefully we can meet soon.
Good.
I hope you guys.
is can get connected. They're really that might y'all like
community and having a village is so important. Whether you're
you know, you're a single mom, or maybe you're not a single
mom, and you just are single, like, community is so huge and
so important. So definitely make that sure that y'all are doing
that staying connected with people get out meet people. So
Allah, I'm gonna lead you to it because you're driving.
I have, I have one thing to ask. Yes.
This keeps popping up in my mind. And
my heart is telling me to ask
community, but I'm like, maybe, maybe I should not. But I will
just ask you, I guess, since I'm here. So before I started this
program, I met somebody online.
We were chatting on the text messaging and
and for like a month or two. And later on, the person said that
we're not compatible. And
we can be friends only. That's it.
At that time, we were Facebook friends. And I saw later on that
he was dating somebody else. But a short time after, like, a few
days later, we were in church. And I was on one of the Sundays.
He sent a message to me. Like, we can be friends again and
started this whole chatting back again. Apparently, he broke up
with his. Okay. And he was like, Oh, sending all the best
messages, like, we can be friends, I can sit next to you
on Sundays. Okay. And that never happened. We were chatting for
like, a couple months. And I, I asked him, is it possible to
meet in person? And he said, No. I don't know what, why would
somebody like,
okay, so you were chatting online, but you guys go to the
same church.
Yes. Okay. So you've seen each other in person before.
Actually, after I met him online, that's when I'm it. It's
a little bit complicated. I, I moved to the the new city to the
Sarasota from Northport. And I was looking for a church and he
said that he's going to the church. So I was like, let me go
check it out. And then I went there and I saw him first there.
Okay, so he let you know what church he went to. And so and he
knew that you were looking for a church. Yes. Okay, so you go
there. But he's still kind of being like, Oh, we can be
friends. But doesn't it? Here's the thing. If a guy is saying we
can be friends. That's what they're that's what they're
offering. A guy that's interested in getting to know
you on a more romantic level or date you to like court you. He's
going to be very forward that he's not going to sit there and
beat around the bush me like, Oh, let's be friends. If a guy's
interested, you're gonna know he's interested. Does that help?
Yeah, but why send all the messages? Like, I will want to
meet you and we're gonna
that could be just out of his own insecurity and where he's
at. And you know what, what what wants and needs he's trying to
get met within himself. So if he's got some insecurity and
just wants to be, you know, feel like he's being accepted and
wanted, then he's going to try to seek that right. And so maybe
he was feeling rejected from this girl. And so it's like,
okay, now I got to go keep myself busy with other girls.
And so he's like, Oh, be my friend until whatever. I was
gonna say like, this guy, I don't know. Um, I'm not getting
good vibes from that. I think it's respectful that he's like,
Hey, I don't see this going anywhere. Best of luck to you.
Perfect. But this like, now you're dating someone and now
you know that he's not. And then when he's not now he's he's
coming back to the surface. Yeah, I don't I don't like that.
That just doesn't seem very mature and masculine to me.
That's to me that reminds me of like the Peter Pan boy.
Well, it's a church person, right? We're looking for
Christian mature men. Where else can we find better?
I mean, I hope that that but guess what? We're all sinners,
right? We're all not perfect. You know, yeah, but my
My son's father, I thought he was a believer.
That was not, you know, he went to church, we went to church together.
And then I realized this is not what he portrayed.
He was and left me seven months pregnant.
Y'all like, not a good, good thing.
Okay.
So again, you can still see him in passing.
And again, I will ask you, like, check your heart.
Like, how do you feel towards him?
What feelings are surfacing for you?
And is it an opportunity for you to get some deeper healing?
Like, is the Lord highlighting something to you to help you grow in?
That's what, that's what I was trying to figure out.
I guess, why did God brought me to the church?
And we have been going there for like over a year.
Well, yeah, but I guess there might be like you, you, you go to church there,
but I mean, we were talking about you having community.
Is there not any community there at your church that you feel like you can lean on?
Well, from my availability, I was attending a couple of cell groups.
Okay, good.
And the, even I met the pastor in person on one of the cell groups.
He just told me, like, he knows I'm a single mom.
Yeah.
He just told me, if I have any questions, just go ask the people.
And I'm like, I'm really tired of asking people.
I will not ask anymore.
In the last, in the 10 years of being single, I have asked plenty of times.
Yeah.
You just, you need people that are going to see where you're at and come help.
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, and again, I just pray on that.
Just pray for God to start, you know, showing you and highlighting community for you.
Um, cause like I said, you know, I know, I know that area.
I know, I know it's, it's, it's small, but it's big.
It's a small area, but it is a big area.
And so it is important to get connected and to have people that are going to reach out.
And like, you know, when you can't, because you have so much on your plate that people
are coming in and checking on you.
So I would just be praying for God to highlight any community for you.
To get plugged in where it's not going to be you constantly having to seek community,
but people are going to be also coming out and reaching out to you.
Yeah.
I know you're kind of busy and you're like on the run here and I got two more ladies
that I need to show space for.
I don't usually extend this late, like this past this time, but I'm going to make an
exception this time.
Um, because I know Lori, she didn't get to chat with me last week and then Sonia came
for a live, but again, ladies, um, just continue to stay connected.
I'll let you do such a wonderful job keeping us posted in the, in the chat.
Um, and, uh, we'll definitely connect some more.
Okay.
We were here for you.
All right.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right, Lori, I'm going to, I'm going to challenge you to be short, brief and
powerful.
Well, I have made my decision.
Okay.
What's your decision?
My decision decision is no.
Okay.
The part ways.
And, um, I feel like I've learned, so I'm just really out processing.
Like I just, so we had another conversation, um, last night it was a couple
hours and learned more about them.
This is probably our sixth conversation.
He is for you guys.
Um, this is a guy I've been getting to know for the last three weeks.
He's from Southern California and yeah, I mean, just represented so many, like super
attractive, like, you know, it was felt like that aspect felt like a dream and loved
his personality.
Um, felt like it was an opportunity for me to practice boundaries.
Like when he asked if he could come and visit, like within a week of getting to
know, uh, you know, flying here, um, he had made that comment about, you know, Hey,
like with all this attraction, I can't imagine not having some lip action.
And I was immediately like, yeah, I'm not inviting you.
You are not welcome in my territory for a long weekend.
And so I asked for clarity on that.
So I'm like, this whole thing was just like, no, no.
And like, he was willing to honor that is, you know, he came back and I felt like his
answers were good, but I did notice that it was a constant tension.
and of like, feeling like there was just a lot of energy coming
at me that I was constantly having to, to push back. And he
shared some things, he got into some past relationship stuff,
like I asked high level questions, but he, and I would
be like, that's, that's more than, than I feel comfortable
with knowing right now. But he did share some next level things
last night that were just like, I mean, wild, like, and I don't
even want to get into those. But it was, it was the type of
thing where the boundary conversation comes up. And it's
like, yeah, I don't, I don't hang out with people like that.
And it's good, like you're asking those high level
questions, you're putting up those boundaries. And so that's,
I want you to, you know, focus on taking that in, because
ladies, God is going to use this dating season to highlight
things to you. It's why we call it discovery dating, you're
going to discover, you know, what are the things that you
desire in a spirit mate? What are things that you know, what
are your boundaries? What, what are your boundaries, and then
practicing those boundaries and seeing those people
reciprocating. So it sounds like, you know, he, he might,
you know, have some good, like respect for boundaries. But
again, there was some other core things that you're starting
to get to know about him, that you're like, I don't know if I
can, if I can give that up, like, I'm not willing to make
Yeah, it was, it was areas. And that's really extreme, to be
honest with you, like what I heard last night was rescuer and
honestly, straight up demonic. Yeah, sort of stuff. And my
so it was my opportunity is why would I stay and listen? Yeah.
Yeah. Would I still try to make it work in my mind? Like, and
this is like, you know, he talks about the Lord, but he's, and
this relationship was back in 2021. So honestly, like there
were so many times where I just reminded, like, I have a whole
page written out of things that I've learned with the Holy
Spirit. And it's like, just, you know, being a kinsman
redeemer. And would I introduce this person to family? And
would I would this be a good lead for my family? Would he be
a good man in my kids life? Yeah. guarding my heart. And
even this morning, I was thinking, I could see this like
redemption story, because I've been through some wild stuff.
That felt next level. But, but like, I was starting to like
envision this, like redemption story. And I sat with the Holy
Spirit and got real quiet for like a half an hour. And he
said, it's like he put his arm around me. And he was like, not
this one. Yeah. And I really, I feel like God is usually
utilizing this. And this is what I'm just hearing from Holy
Spirit is he's showing you how you're healed, like areas that
you're healed. He's using these opportunities where you are
starting to decide. And I'm going to ask, like, have you
felt in the past that you just didn't know how to pick men? Oh,
yeah. I think he's showing you that you do know how to pick
men. And that you do hear from him. And so he's utilizing these
opportunities to show you like, you're not going to find
yourself in that same situation again. Because now you hear
from the Lord, you've gotten some healing. I heard a voice
in my last relationship. It's like I didn't date since 2017.
And that was a Yeah, that was a crazy relationship. And I just
took time to be with the Lord and went out to Bethel and just,
yeah, just got saturated in the word and the Lord in his
presence. And then I went back into a relationship. And
although he was a super kind man, and he had, so like he was
safe, he was consistent, he wasn't avoidant, and he wasn't
Jesus wasn't Lord of his life. And I could have lived a life of
like, you know, all the things like, well, spa and like all the
things, but I didn't have a piece about it. And the Lord
actually said, don't go. And I went and I passed that two times
and I've walked that so I like literally have experienced the
fear of the Lord reverberating through me. And it was that same
voice this morning. So I don't have to think about it. Because
it's just lying. Yeah, like it got showing you like, hey, you
hear me, you know, my voice. I'm guiding you. I'm protecting you.
Like I really think and I also feel you have do you have a
passive
like, um, kind of fantasizing relationships and making them
what you want them to be and not what they are. And God's showing
you. Yeah. He's keeping you from going down that, like that
pattern. And he's going to start showing you the realities of
things. He's going to reveal that stuff to you and you can
trust and know that he's got you. He's protecting you. You
hear from him. And this is what this discovery dating is all
about. Yeah. And there was definitely that. I know this
stuff can start feeling heavy and we can get let down and all
that, but sit in the rest, rest in the knowing that God's got
you on this journey to show you where he's healing you. And I
really believe that for you, Lori, like he's showing you, you
hear me, you can trust yourself. Like I'm going to help you.
Yeah, you can, you can pick a godly man that I have for you.
He definitely like said, I miss you. And, and so like, it just
there were so many things that are like, do I feel like, you
know, I've always known you. And I'm like, well, I've always
known this familiar spirit. Yes, right. This is not. I think
it's one like, there was so much we're telling you. Oh, I just
feels like I've known you. If people are saying I feel like I
know you probably. Yeah, like, so there were just so many
things. Well, that's a problem. Your whole life. I'm I honestly
forced myself to speak today because there's some things that
I'm like, you know, I could sit in shame and be like, Oh my
gosh, what am I attracting? But God's been so good because he
said that the promise way back when I started and this other
guy that I was super into. And I read a prophecy. It's just
like so many things like spiritually, like, read a
prophecy about how there was an assignment of the same spirit
people that God was wanting to like, you don't go around the
mountain again. And it was like, so tempting to be like, oh,
you've attracted this. And he's like, he just broke all that
off. And then like, so I can rejoice because this has been
now three weeks, not two years. Yeah, exactly. And the word he
said, Lori just stand. Yes, you just stand. And so like this,
I've been in like the Sabbath. So the Sabbath, September is
super big. But if that wasn't enough of a sign, like the day
and I went back in for another, like four days. But the day that
I heard just stand, I literally guys, this is me a year ago at
church worshiping the Lord. And it was after I'd come out of
this relationship. I'd moved back home from California to
Michigan. And my church posted this picture of me from last
year, and I've never waved flags before. And the first was some
25. And it says, we will shout for the joy over your victory.
And in the name of our God, we will set up our banners, may the
Lord fulfill all your petitions. And it was like, literally, he'd
put a stake in the ground. And like, you're not going back.
You're not. You're not. He's all the shame of like, Oh, you did
this again, you're still there.
That's the enemy. And that enemy is like, you're still there.
You're still codependent. You're still don't have boundaries. And
at every turn, it was like, No, that isn't okay that I don't
invite that into my life. No, that's not what true. And like
when the Lord put his arm around me, and he said, Not this one,
sweetheart. And I was like, Oh my gosh, but I woke up with such
peace. And I was actually if you had heard the story last night
was crazy. So they were, oh my gosh, I've attracted this again,
like, and, and I'm like, Well, why do I feel peace? Like, I am
so blanketed in peace right now. Yeah. And that's so amazing.
Like, felt like I had to work my way towards redemption and like
take this craziness and be like, and he's like, this is not what
redemption looks like. Redemption doesn't look like you
taking somebody who's, you know, six months out of their
last relationship. Like, I have spent time and built history
with the Lord. Yeah. And, and it's the fruit inspection. And
so it's just like, I don't see fruit, you talk about the Lord.
But yes, exactly. Ladies, and let that be like a lesson to
ladies is, you know, we get so worked up on like, but he talks
about the Lord and all these things.
Ladies, we talk about being fruit inspectors
because the enemy knows the word of God too.
Yeah.
So you have to be like, it's about looking at the fruit.
How do people show up?
It really is so important.
Lori, I'm celebrating this with you.
I just needed to bring it to the light.
I love it.
Like, can you please post that picture of you in the app
and like, just, if you feel led to just kind of share
like what the Lord has been working on you
in this situation.
Because it's such a lie to be like, you're still there.
Yeah, like ladies, I'm like.
Go hide and bury your head
because like you haven't grown, you haven't healed.
And that's the life instead of hell.
Ladies, that is what the enemy is going to sit there
and try to do.
Oh, it's like I raised my hand and I'm like,
oh my gosh, if I were to repeat
what the things he said last night, like,
and I'm just like sitting in the space.
I'm like, I raised my hand, but I'm like so embarrassed.
And he just started speaking to me.
So I feel like there's a reason why I went last
and like what I'll share, I'll speak up
because I will not be silenced.
No.
Oh, I love that.
That's so powerful.
I'm so glad I held the space.
You know, I usually can't do it, but I'm like, no,
today I'm going to do it.
I'm going to leave the space because ladies, I'm like,
I just want to release that over you.
God is not a God of shame and condemnation and guilt.
That is not him.
So when you hear this, oh, look,
you're back in this same situation again,
that should be an indicator to you
that that's the enemy speaking to try to get you
to take your focus off what God has already done inside.
Like he was acting like he was holding, you know,
a mirror up and like, see what you've attracted.
And that's not, that's not from our God.
No, that's what.
I mean, you hear the like attracts like,
so there, it could be like, I could have gone there.
Yeah.
And I'm so thankful that you're like, no,
I'm standing firm on God's word.
And the foundation is his,
that's his word is the foundation of truth.
Yeah.
And I'm not going to listen to that anymore.
And, and, and the fact that like we can sit here
and tell you, you know, you're recognizing
that's not what you are attracted to.
Yeah.
That's not what God has for you.
When am I going to get into like.
And there's no shame in that.
So like, oh my gosh, so fun to have a, you know,
hot guy from California come in and spend the weekend here.
And I'm like, that is not fun to me anymore.
Oh, no.
And that's the thing.
It's not fun.
Ladies, you will start seeing these things
like transform to you as to what you find attractive.
Ladies, my, my husband,
I physically was not attracted to him at first.
Y'all, my husband, I'm like, like, I don't look,
there's no way I would ever want to look at anybody else
because it's his heart.
Yeah.
Makes him so much more attractive.
And I look at my husband, I'm like, dang, you are hot.
Like I didn't see that at first, but I wasn't supposed to.
Like if we're drawn to that attractive physicalness,
sometimes we gotta pump the brakes there.
And ladies, that was part of my story.
When I was in my younger 20s and into my early 30s,
I was all about the guy had to look a certain way
because I struggled with my self-image
because I thought I had to look a certain way.
And if I had to look a certain way,
then the man had to look a certain way
because that portrayed who I was.
And God was like, no, no, honey.
Once he started working this program in me
and I was getting the heartwork,
he was really started to show me where my identity was.
And it wasn't on the exterior.
It was inside here.
And ladies, once you can start tapping
onto that in yourself,
you're gonna start attracting that same heart in the men.
And Lori, I think God is showing you
you're not attracted to that anymore.
You are attracted to the heart.
And that's-
I mean, he also felt like he had a sweetness about him.
He had what felt like a good heart,
but then I'm looking at like the choices he made.
And like some of that,
I would say like some of like,
maybe the scales fell off my eye
because I started to see behind like the fun loving,
like charisma.
And-
I would just say that that man
probably doesn't have part of that spirit.
He probably is.
But again, it was a way for you to recognize like,
but I want more.
I want a deeper intimacy.
I want to know what the man's heart is.
Because here's the thing.
We all have a past.
We all have made mistakes, okay?
And that doesn't mean that we're unworthy of love
or anything like that,
or someone else.
else isn't worthy of love but we have to again it's just about partnering with
God and following what is he trying to show you in this moment and I think he's
trying to show you like look you're gonna start finding other things more
attractive and I have and like you're like that man probably is a really sweet
great guy but you know what your husband's gonna have that and he's gonna
have so much more and he's gonna help the Lord and you're gonna see the fruit
ladies be fruit inspectors look for the fruit don't don't and don't feel like
you have to know how you feel about this person right out the gate you know you
don't have to make a decision if this person's your spirit mate you yeah
getting to know there was a lot of that talk about you know needing to jump to
finality and you know I just came to the Lord and I said Lord I'm so tired like
I'm so tired fighting and that's what I said just stand and then that picture
got posted and I'm like the chances of that picture from a year ago when I
chose to walk into the unknown when I chose to let go of something that was
good for the God thing and then like flag you know flagging being a new thing
that I was actually warring in the spirit like heaven knows like the power
that's released in that like it's just like and it's just like okay like I'm
tired but he's like just stand just it's just like just oh ladies thank you so
much for sticking it out Laurie thank you so much for sharing I'm celebrating
with you I'm so happy for you this has been such a great call this is like
again I don't usually go 45 minutes over but I I feel Holy Spirit was on
that and I'm so thankful that we waited it out and we we got to hear your your
praise like what God is doing ladies let's take a hold of that let it be a
testimony for you as well yeah all right
like oh I'm so embarrassed I'm just gonna hide this and I can figure it out
myself and look Audrey was embarrassed to share today I want somebody else like
oh I'm a little shy at this ladies let this be an encouragement if you didn't
get to speak today or maybe you've been sitting and thinking I don't know if I'm
gonna speak up let this be an encouragement for you ladies that this
is such a safe place a safe community and so much breakthrough happens when we
do take what we think is in the dark and we put it to light because guess
what then it has no power that the darkness has no power when we put it in
light and so ladies I don't ever want you to feel like you have to hold back
or feel shame or guilt about you know what you're experiencing what you're
feeling what you're thinking what what situation you found yourself in what you
did what you didn't do there's no condemnation here absolutely none and I
can assure you I made plenty of mistakes before I found Jackie and even
while I found Jackie and even now there's times where I'm like oh I just
didn't get that right but we like we have to just go ahead and expose the
darkness and then we release it okay ladies be blessed if you can jump on the
eight o'clock call tonight to definitely do that if not watch it and replay
ladies I hope to see you all again next week and I hope to see you all in the
app to let us know what's happening in your life okay take care ladies