All right, let's pray, Father God, I thank you for this night, I thank you for the opportunity
to fellowship together.
We thank you, Lord God, for kingdom solutions to everything that we have going on.
Nobody knows the heart like you, oh God.
And so I thank you, Lord God, for specialized answers, for specialized hearts.
In Jesus name, amen.
All right, I see Brandy came in the room, the other Laura came in the room.
It's so good to see you ladies, iPhone 13, Anita's in the room.
So good to see you, hey, hey, hey.
So I don't have any announcements to make.
I hope, hey, Felicia, it's September now, but I hope to see some of you guys at the
50th, at the five year anniversary.
You should hear them, it's good, you'll appreciate it.
I don't know if any of you guys are going or coming to Austin for it, but-
I would like to, but I didn't, I saw something about it, and then it wasn't in the events
piece anymore.
So I don't have any, but I'm definitely, because I'm close enough that I want to come.
Where are you?
In Houston.
Oh, yes, honey.
I like Houston, it has a special spot in my heart, I come go to Rigg Global Church there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I live about 10 minutes from Rigg.
Oh, wow, okay, okay, I try to get to Apostle Arrival Church any time I can.
Yeah, yeah, he's good, but yeah, are we going to get invitations or more information?
Because just know that for sure, I'm definitely wanting to come.
It's on her website, those tickets are on Jackie's website.
So like, whatever, JackieDorman.com or her main website, and then you click on like the
menu or something, and it's going to pop up, you can get the event tickets there.
Okay.
Are there any, I guess, are there still some available?
Yes, for the, should be for the anniversary party this Sunday, mm-hmm.
Okay.
Yeah, so it'll be good, I hope to meet all of you, whoever comes, it'll be great.
So we're going to jump right in, just a reminder, ladies, you know, we don't post anything from
outside sources, if we want to post something, we want to get admin's approval before we
do that.
And the reason why we do that is because we want to make sure that everything we post,
someone just put it in the chat for you, Stephanie put it in the chat for you, Shante, we want
to make sure that everything we post is safe for the community.
But other than that, I don't have any announcements and we can get started.
I want to make our time tonight.
So who has something?
It doesn't have, and for those who, I'm going to start with you, Kim, and for those who
are new, I am Ebony, I'm here.
I'm a third grade teacher, I was in the program probably about three, I keep saying three
and a little while, the clock going to change on me, so I probably was in the program about
three years ago.
This phase was one of my most favorite phases.
I mean, all of it is so good, but dating changed me.
It really brought a full circle to the heart healing and growing and all the things that
I learned, dating changed me.
So I just encourage you to dive in, I know it's scary, it was just as scary for me.
But Jackie was my coach at the time, so we didn't have all these coaches, she was the
coach.
So she comes through the strong and she's like, dang it, just go on the date, just go
on the date.
And she was right, like you need somebody to push you, like look, just go.
And when you go on the first one, it's just something, I'm telling you, something happens.
Something opens up in you.
And so I just want you guys to know that we're so excited to walk with you and do this journey
with you.
It is exciting.
I encourage you to get everything you can get while you're on it, because truth be told,
I know that you want a husband, but once you say I do, we pray that it will be forever.
And so enjoy this time in this season where you get to grow in capacity and in preparation
for your marriage, because marriage does make us more holy than it makes us happy.
I've been married before, I am divorced, but even in that experience, I learned that there's
a difference.
And when you're single, you can't see it.
But this is the time of equipping, because the marriage is sure to come.
You just, it just hasn't manifested yet.
But there's nothing worse than being in a marriage and not being equipped to even process
emotions, to not know how to communicate, to sit down at the table, to come in with
a lack of grace, ability to not forgive because your heart is so hardened, you know, with
the perception not able to.
all those wonderful things that you learn in dating,
it still shows up the same.
So be encouraged.
Let's go Kim.
So just an update.
So my very first experience, I was afraid to jump in.
I was one of those.
And when I finally did my very first experience,
I got very excited about, and I got ghosted.
And then I was like, okay, I can't do this.
I just can't do it.
And then, but anyway, I persevered, the Lord helped me,
and I got back out there again.
So I had a date with a guy for coffee.
That went well.
And I found out that we went to the same grade school,
which was really bizarre.
And then said something about a bike date,
but then it didn't happen.
And then I went out of town.
So when I came back,
we ended up having the bike date last Friday.
And it was great.
He brought the bike for me, like a bike for me,
which was really nice.
And we rode.
But at one point we were side by side,
but he rides bikes all the time.
And he just said, it's kind of hard to talk,
which it is because of the wind and stuff.
So he kind of like took off.
So we never rode side by side.
He was always in front of me.
And I was kind of like, I don't know about this,
but probably I'm not, I was having trouble keeping up.
But anyway, so we had the bike date
and then he took a path and we saw this car race thing
where these guys race these cars.
And like, there was a mention of like,
how much do these cars cost to some guy?
And I think they're like $2,000.
And I said, oh, I'd much rather spend that on a trip.
And he goes, where are we going?
And I was like, I don't know.
I'm not ready to go on a trip with you yet,
but you know, I don't know.
So anyway, and then that stopped.
So then we finished the bike ride
and we had to hit this big hill and I made it up.
I was so proud of myself because I made it up that hill.
And, but I was kind of out of breath.
And then he was putting the bikes back on.
And I kind of thought this was like a 2.30 in the afternoon.
I kind of thought he'd asked me to go have like a soda
or something afterwards.
Cause we never really got to talk.
And then he just said, yeah, well, I'm going to take off.
And I'm like, okay.
But he did ask me, he goes, are you doing it?
Or he goes, what are you doing tonight or something?
And I thought, well, maybe he's going to ask me
to dinner or something.
And I said, well, what day is it?
Cause you know, I'm retired.
And I, so it was like, oh yeah, it's Friday.
And I looked at my calendar,
I go, actually, I don't have anything going.
Cause I didn't normally, I do have things going,
but I didn't.
And then he didn't say anything.
So I was like, well, okay.
So then we went to say goodbye.
And I was like, I went to hug him and like to give him a hug.
And it was kind of an awkward, like he turned
and it was kind of like one of those sideways awkward hug.
It was very awkward.
And I thought, well, maybe afterwards when I left,
I thought, well, maybe he was sweaty
and he didn't want me to, I don't know.
But anyway, it was just kind of awkward.
And then I walked to my car.
He didn't really walk me to my car, which that's fine.
And then I left and then I had a weird feeling,
like, I don't know, like,
and then I didn't hear from him Saturday.
Well, he knew I had to work Saturday.
I didn't hear from him Saturday,
didn't hear from him Sunday.
And then I started getting that feeling like,
uh-oh, here we go, I'm gonna get ghosted again.
And then, so I texted him, which I didn't know.
And I just said, hey, thanks again for the bike date.
It was really fun.
I really appreciate that you packed up the two bikes
and brought them.
And I said something like, I hope, you know,
I don't know, what did I say?
Oh, I also, I said, I also wanted to let you know,
we talked about the blood moon or the lunar eclipse,
but I said, it's not gonna be visible in North America.
So I said, you probably already figured that out,
but I said, so it's kind of disappointing.
And I sent that Sunday night and then didn't hear from him.
And then yesterday he sends me a picture of the blood moon,
just a picture, doesn't even respond to what I texted,
sends a picture of the blood moon and then says,
go outside and look at the blood moon.
And I'm like, what?
And then sent me another picture, a larger picture.
And then he says, I'm home now.
And I'm like, that's just weird to me.
So he didn't respond to anything I said
about the bike thing.
I've noticed that he doesn't really ask me
a whole lot about myself.
So now I'm starting to think, you know,
there's something off here.
But then I realized maybe he was making it look like
he went to Africa or Asia or Europe to go see the blood moon
and he's saying he's home now
and that's why he didn't call me or talk to me.
And then I just said, ha ha.
I just put ha ha on it.
And I don't think I'm gonna text him again
if he reaches out and asks me on a date, great.
But if he doesn't, I just think I'm not gonna do it.
Does that seem right?
Right, did he make mention that he was going out of town to see the blood moon?
But the blood moon was in Africa.
Well, the blood moon was only visible from Africa, Asia, and Europe.
I know he didn't go there for the weekend.
Do you think it was visible in his home?
What is his home?
He lives right, like in the same, like, community that I live in.
It wasn't visible.
Okay.
I don't know.
Maybe, maybe.
I don't want to make it about the blood moon.
What I was trying to do was I was trying to track down.
I just saw Anita laugh, and Sarah laughed, and I was like, yeah.
I know it looked like I was chasing the blood moon, but I wasn't.
This is what I was going after.
I was wondering what you said about when he says, oh, I'm at home now.
Was he trying to show you, like, I'm at home, and look at the moon?
So, it did show here, because you messaged him, and was like, well,
you know it's only going to be in these places.
And so, I was wondering, did he read what you said, and was like, oh,
but it is here, and I'm at home, and let me show you the picture?
And so, that's why I asked.
Yeah.
Anyway, I agree with you, Kim.
This man got us confused.
I mean, he didn't even address me.
I mean, he could have said, oh, my pleasure on the bike thing.
I mean, I was saying thank you again, and doing all that.
He didn't even respond to that at all.
Like, I don't know.
Well, he couldn't respond.
Me and our, it's not that I'm trying to make an excuse for a man.
I don't put much weight on the fact that he didn't respond to those things.
I think he just reads up and be like, oh, okay.
Like, it's just like an okay in their mind.
Especially if they're not used to doing this type of conversation back and forth.
So, it could be just cut and dry with a man.
So, I don't want to put a lot of weight on that,
but what I will put some weight on is you allowing him to reach back out to you
because you have reached out to him, and you have made yourself available to him,
and he knows that you're available or at least interested in going on another date with him.
Right.
Yeah, I was willing to give it another try.
Like I said, we just haven't had a chance to really sit down and talk.
I mean, at the coffee date we did, but it was just an hour,
and we had just met, and we kind of talked a lot about where we grew up in that area.
We didn't really get to know each other.
I don't really feel like I know the guy very well.
Yeah.
Now, one thing you can do, I'm not telling you you have to do it.
If you want to shut the book on it, if you just really want to know,
you can reach out and say, hey, I enjoyed our time together.
I would like to get to know you more.
And so whenever you want to do another, you know,
if you want to do another date in the near future, I would enjoy that.
The ball is still in his court.
You did express yourself, so you do know if he doesn't respond to that,
you have your final answer.
Right.
That's true.
So if you want to stop there, and I would word it very intentional.
The way I said it, don't leave space for what he could have thought that when I said,
no, no, no, don't leave no space.
I enjoyed our time together.
I'm interested in getting to know you more if you would like in the near future.
When I say near, because he called you two weeks from the three weeks,
uh-uh, a month from now, oh, no, he clocked, been passed up.
And so, you know, if you want to do something in the next couple of weeks,
let me know, and we can try to make that happen.
So you can even put like a timeline on it, next week or next couple of weeks
or something like that.
Okay.
All right.
Well, then, and then just really quick, I had a lunch date today.
So I did have a lunch date today.
So now I'm on day three.
So I'm working towards my seventh.
And but then, and I really like this guy, and I really had a good time,
and he was adorable, but there's the only problem with this one is he can,
well, he's very young at heart, but okay.
So he's like 12 years older than I am.
And I just wish he was younger, because everything, he, you know,
he's a good Christian man.
He was so intentional.
He was getting to know me.
It was just a really lovely lunch, very chivalrous, just all the things
that I am looking for.
And up to this point, I mean, it was only a lunch, but anyway,
but he's quite a bit older than me.
And I'm, I'm no spring chicken either.
Like, I'm getting ready to have a big birthday.
And I just think, you know, well, I was thinking, well, we have,
well, we have a lot of time, and we even talked about it.
And I said, but then again, I mean, anybody, you know,
we never know when our, when God has our number and when we're going.
ago. So does it really matter if we're connecting on the heart? You know, I don't know, but
how old are you? Well, I'm turning 70 a week from Saturday, a week from Friday. Yeah. We
from Saturday. He's 81. He's 82. 82. And you say he's young. He's very young. I'm going
to tell you right now, I've been either seriously and girls, when I look at these men on this
dating site, like the people, the men that are in my age range, I am young at heart for
my age. And I look younger than I am. I have good genes, I guess, but I, and I'm very active.
And this guy is too. I could tell that he looks better than most of the guys in my age
range that I'm seeing on Facebook. Like the guys I'm seeing have these big gray beards.
They've got hair coming out of their nose. I'm not, and I'm not trying to be, I'm not
trying to be rude because they might be, they might have a really good heart. And then maybe
they just need some help. They just don't have a woman in their life. I don't know,
but you look at them and you're like, Oh no, no, I can't. I just can't. And then I feel
bad for judging them, but you know, what are you going to do? I don't know. You have to
have some attraction there. And they're just like, no.
Yeah. Some things, some things are workable. Some things are not. You, sometimes you have
to meet a person, discover what's workable. I mean, people can get their teeth clean.
People can get hair cut out of their ears. They can take care of the hair in their nose.
You know, if they got some good bones, I have dated somebody and I told him, I was like,
look, you're going to have to get that hair out your ears and out your nose. If we're
going to keep talking, this ain't going to work. You got boogers, it's sticking, all
stuff gets stuck because all that hair in your nose, you're too young for that. And I
said, I'm just telling you from a sister in Christ to a brother in Christ, they're not
going to work. You need to go let these people, they do it at the barber shop. Baby, he want
to clean this stuff up. I see you looking better already, brother. So yeah, you really
can say those things, huh? You really can say those things. I really can. And I really
say if I feel like they got some potential and I feel like it's something that I'm going
to invest some of me in, then I'll say, Hey, can I talk to you as a sister in Christ? Can
I just come to you on another level? We're getting to know each other, but I know that
you're in the field dating. And so I want to tell you something about what women are
looking for. Men usually don't take care of themselves unless they have a wife in their
life. Well, you don't have that, but I can see that you got good bones and you're an
attractive man. I just want to share this with you. And then there you go. And so it's
the posture that we take. And it's not a posture, do this for me. I know I told him, I was like,
well, you're going to hang out with me. But I did have that conversation with him, right?
So I changed my posture. Like you don't, you're not pleasing me. This is for the betterment of
you. I give you, if you want to, you know, so Kim, I say, keep talking to the 81 year old,
just to see if you want to, like, that's not going to cause you, I really do want to see him
again. And he's, and he made it very clear. And he says, Kim, I really, I really want to see you
again. I mean, he, you know, he's saying that he says, I really liked you and I'm looking forward
to seeing you again. So, yeah, it was good. I mean, I, you know, I just don't want to, you know,
if, if I decide that he is like, it's too, too old. I mean, I have a lot of things I want to do
with the next 10 years, but then he might be able to do it. I don't know. He's pretty active. So
well, just think about when you aided one, he'd be an animal.
I know. I know. And I don't, like I said, I'm, I'm at, you know, you all are so young on here.
I like I'm on, you know, and there are some other ones in here too, that are seniors, but
senior dating is just. Yeah. And you don't, you don't want to be a widow in five years. I mean,
who get married for that? Then you're going to be back on here talking about you trying to, you
know, you want some longevity, but okay. All right, Kim. Thank you. You're welcome. Heaven.
Hi, can you hear me? Yes.
We can hear you. Hello. This is my first time talking to you. I can't believe it.
Yeah, it is useless on the, on the community. Wow.
I know. It's usually because I don't have a pressing question. So I just like to listen in
and see what everyone else is saying. And then I did share my updates in the app, but I do have
a question today. So as you might remember, I've been talking to this guy miles for the past,
I think a few months it's been. And we just finally had the conversation about faith because
he put agnostic on his profile. And it turns out he's not really agnostic at all. It's his,
what he is, is not, I wouldn't describe it as agnostic. He just left a Christian community
and just hasn't found another one. That's essentially what's been the deal with him.
It's like, oh, that's not what agnostic is,
at least based on the Google definition that I had.
But anyway, so that was one of the things
that I was wondering about with him.
But the other thing is, since it hasn't come up yet,
but no one's talked about like,
if they're dating like other people,
you know what I'm saying?
Like we haven't talked about exclusivity at all,
but I was just wondering like,
should I say that I'm still getting to know other people?
Because I know that sometimes the guy will ask,
but he hasn't, and I didn't want to be like,
by the way, if it's not necessary.
So I was wondering like, it's been two months,
no one's said anything about it.
So I wasn't sure if there was like a,
should I just be like upfront about it
or just let it be what it is?
Yeah, no, you know, I would encourage you
not to mention that,
that everything has nothing to do with anything.
Okay.
And y'all are at two months.
Are you at the beginning of two months
or two months, almost three months?
By the end of this month, it'll be three.
Okay.
Well, some conversations are going to have to be had.
You don't need to bring those conversations up,
but I just want to,
I want to leer you against going into four months
and there no,
I mean, if you want to go somewhere with this guy
and if you don't want anything with him,
but after, you know,
cause the three and a half months, four months,
then a conversation is going to need to be had
because I'm going to be concerned
that you are emotionally involved probably already
depending on how much you talk to him,
how much time you spend with him.
Yeah.
And we're going to have our third in-person date next week.
So we've got three or so video dates as well.
So it's like up to six, but only two in-person so far.
Cause it looks like-
Well, that makes a difference.
Yeah.
Yeah, that makes a difference.
In-person dates make a difference.
So it's only been two in-person
and the third one's next week.
And so just because of our distance
and he works on the weekends,
so it kind of makes it a little slower.
So I don't know how to like push any conversation
cause I like him, he's a nice guy,
but I don't necessarily like have like a super invested,
like, oh, I definitely want this to go further.
Like if it does, and we get to that conversation,
I will totally be welcome to having it,
but I don't know like what type of conversations
we should be having now without,
cause it's just like slow moving is what it feels like.
Yeah.
Now you don't have to have any conversations.
I said we get to three months
and you look like we open three with 90 days.
So if you go into a hundred days
and then you go up to 120 days,
we get to whatever come after that.
And if it's four months,
it's well over enough time to ask a question.
And it's like, well,
we've been talking now for about three and a half months.
And I'm just wondering, are you marriage minded?
Yeah.
Something like that,
or where do you see this relationship going?
That's not the conversation I want you to have.
That's what we should lead in.
We always encourage that the man leads in this conversation
for the mere fact that it's not being led
into say something, right?
So, but you're not there yet,
but at three months when you're almost there
and you get halfway to the fourth month,
something's gonna have to be brought up.
Not, I want a relationship with you.
You're not trying to get him
to be in a relationship with you.
You're trying to understand what's happening
so you can position yourself rightly.
Yeah.
Meaning position your heart rightly.
So you won't have any undue or unjust hardships.
There's no reason for it.
Yeah, that makes sense.
And he's the only person
that I've successfully been on an in-person date with so far.
Like I've had plans with other ones,
but they either haven't worked.
Like so many of these schedulings
that we're both just like, okay, this just isn't.
So it's like, she's the only one
that I've had in-person dates with
that I've talked to other people
and like said that these things haven't worked yet.
And I'm like, man, this is slow moving.
The other ones aren't like going,
like actually in person, just like kind of,
it feels, I don't feel stuck,
but I also kind of do if that makes sense.
Really?
Like I can't get past in-person dates with other people.
It's like him.
And I don't, it's not like a just him settling type.
It's just, he's the only one
that I've had like consistent dates with so far.
So it's just like, I was trying
and I know I need to be more consistent
on like the asking things.
And I know that's partially my problem
because I've just been so busy,
but yeah, it's just a weird time.
Yeah, well, you're not stuck.
It's just that you've been able to go
on successful dates with this young man.
I think it just is that.
Yeah.
It's nothing more than that.
And another thing that's very comforting
that can be comfortable when
You get that one person that they're for sure.
We don't talk.
We got our set up time when we talk.
And he do want to go on a date.
So that tells you he is interested because he
does want to go on a date.
And he's just a sure shot.
In some ways, there's comfort in that
slows you down from a stronger pursuit of something else.
That is very natural.
That's a natural occurring thing within a person, OK?
So I just don't want you to read into more than what it is.
It's not something about you.
You're not stuck.
You're not any of those things.
If a great guy came along tomorrow and you met him
and he said, let's go on a date, you
will go on a date with him.
And so don't let your mind take you there.
And so, yeah, it's paced.
You're getting to know him.
It will be good if you say he's long distance.
He's two hours away, but he works on the weekends.
And I'm about to start working a new job
and don't know my schedule yet.
So so far, we've only managed two in-person dates,
and our next one is next week.
Oh, good.
Yeah, when you don't get to spend a lot of time in person,
it changes things.
Long distance is a little bit more challenging also.
Yeah, not my preferred, but I don't mind it.
I will do it if it comes to that, but it's just a first.
Oh, good.
Well, enjoy.
I've dated long distance before.
We were three hours apart.
And because of our work schedules,
we were able to get together twice a month,
which I like that pace because it slows things down for me,
and that's what I like.
I like slow pace, take your time.
Had he lived in my city, we probably
would have went on a lot more dates, like hanging out more.
So I think it's good.
OK, thank you.
You're welcome.
Felicia.
Hi, Ebony.
Hi.
Hey, you.
Hi.
It's raining here all day.
Anyway, so I was talking with Carla.
You see, I was on the app, the community app.
One of the things with Richard is that, like I said,
he's a great guy.
God.
This is what I'm sensing in my, I don't know,
I know where it's coming from because of the distance.
And in my past, in my marriage, I'm always alone.
He's always traveling for work, so I'm always by myself.
And I fill myself up with so much things to do,
just to keep going.
And so I'm always busy.
But I want to change that in the season of my life
where I don't have to keep filling myself up with things
just to keep going.
I don't mind doing it, but I always
feel like I need to go back to it in between talking to people
to not feel like I'm maybe needy,
which I don't think I make myself like that, but I can.
So he did put on his profile that his rest is very
standout on his profile.
That what?
He put on his profile what?
About him resting after working or his rest time,
taking his rest time.
It's very standout on his profile.
We talk about that because I realize that his rest time,
meaning that he's shut off for a day or two,
and he might just say hi maybe in the evening
and maybe close to his bedtime.
So we kind of touch on it a little bit.
I kind of wanted to hear what he put on his profile,
but I want to hear from him.
So we talk about it a little bit.
And he shared that it's very important to him
and he likes to do that.
So I said, I want to see what it looks like.
So since we've been talking, Sunday and Monday
was his rest day of this week.
So this is what it looked like.
He take the whole entire day and he rests.
He just rests the entire day.
And then when he closed to like maybe nine o'clock,
10 o'clock, his bedtime, he just said hi to me.
He would just say hi.
And we did talk a little bit because I'm maybe instigated.
And then Monday he rests all day again,
whatever he does for rest.
And then he say hi again in the middle, in the nighttime.
So then for me now, I am done.
Emotionally, I'm like, okay, that's it.
Because it's so common for me
and I don't want something like that.
And I do like to take my time and I'm a busy person.
I like to take my time, go work out
and let me take my time and read.
But I don't know what you're, what you think about that.
So when it's not those days, what does communication look like?
Well, before Monday, before Sunday and Monday, this Sunday and Monday, it used to be if he
drives, he drives and he might have trips where he drives and go.
And on his way back from the trip, he would love to talk to me and it could be like, you
know, 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, he would like to talk.
But then when he's when he's not doing that, and he's resting, he's gone, he shut off.
He's like, you know, so this weekend was the first time I see him in the rest mode.
Because I wanted to inspect it to see what it looks like.
So what are you saying?
How long y'all been talking?
It's about two weeks.
Okay, before rest mode, these things that you got to observe every day, you talk to
him at 11 o'clock at night?
No, we used to talk earlier because I would do that, like before I work out.
Okay, and how long do y'all talk when y'all talk?
I mean, it could be if it's close to his bedtime, it could be an hour and a half, but by 10
o'clock, he's ready for bed.
And I know that.
I know he's ready.
So I'm like, okay, he's on the road.
When he's on the road, that's when he's on the road, we'll talk maybe his trip coming
back maybe about an hour and a half ride, an hour to an hour and a half ride back from
the trip, which was just like two times.
And the rest of the time was just like checking in, hi, how you doing in the morning?
So if his rest schedule does not work for you, you can just tell him that you're interested
in getting to know him more and you understand that he takes time to rest.
Maybe, but that doesn't work well for you.
Well, it brings up so much memory of my past and I just-
Hold up, hold up, Felicia.
I'm making my statement that you need to say to him, but I'm working through my words.
So it's slow paced.
No, you're okay.
You can tell him that, so you're just getting to know him, right?
You see that this doesn't work for you, whether it brings up memory of your past or not.
You're uncomfortable with it, it's pulling on something in you and you're early enough
to walk away.
If he's not worth it to you, if he doesn't feel like worth that investment, this two
not going to go away from bothering you, one.
The second thing is, if he, you can share with him your concern to see how he will show
up differently because now he's in a getting to know this woman that likes him.
He's not just not dating someone.
And so maybe he can adjust it to one day of rest, or maybe on his day of rest, he can
cut, he can, he can shave out an hour to talk to you.
And so I don't think this is the time.
I'm not going to encourage you not to say anything.
I want to encourage you to be expressive, but not with a lot of your triggers showing
up in the expression.
Not without you going into your past and go, I'm just going to say it like it is, see in
my past, and this makes me feel like, no, no, no, we're not going to do none of it.
You're going to make a request if you want to, and then you're going to see how he responds.
And so, so I'm processing while I'm talking, I'm a verbal processor.
So I'm trying to work through this.
And so what you could say to him is like, we're getting to know each other.
I'm really enjoying it.
And I know that you take out two days a week, but for me, that just doesn't work best.
And so I was wondering if you would be willing to maybe reach out to me on one of those days
or both of those days, and at least talk with me for 20 minutes, 30 minutes.
I know that you're used to having a set schedule this way.
And so I just wanted to make this request.
He can say something back.
If he says no, you say, I totally understand.
I know how it is when you're in your routine.
And so because of that, and because I understand your position,
and I also understand my position, I want to go ahead and transition from getting to know you.
It has been great.
That's an option.
If he says, yes, I can make those adjustments, then I think that is to be noted.
And you can say, okay, so what adjustment are you willing to make?
He can tell you the adjustment he's willing to make.
If you agree to the adjustment, move forward.
If you don't agree to the adjustment, don't move forward.
So if the adjustment look like I'll text you good morning in the morning, that adjustment
don't work.
That doesn't cost him anything, that's not an adjustment.
And so maybe if he said, what did you have in mind?
You could say whatever you want.
You need to go ahead and say what you want then, don't slide it.
If you want an hour, say I want an hour.
Remember he going to have 24 hours in the whole day.
So if you're going to say what you want, say what you want.
And then just see where it goes from there.
If he says no or whatever, before you just say, okay, I'm going to walk.
So just say, well, let me think about that.
Let me think about how you responded to me and I'll follow up with you with my thoughts
on that.
Okay.
All right.
That was fair.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Keep me updated.
I will.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hi.
Hey, Karen.
Let me just say this one thing.
You can stay on the mic, Karen.
And Felicia, I want you to know that you don't have to settle for what you have had in the
past.
I don't care how many men you meet that seem like they don't have time, but that's not
the man for you.
Okay.
You're not going to settle.
You're not going to go and pick something that you want.
That is not your lot in life.
You going to keep attracting, if you're attracting men who don't have time, you're going to tell
enough of them, no, until your attraction turns, until what starts coming to you is
going to be of the value and quality that you want in your life.
All you have to say is no enough to get to your yes.
And so you be encouraged.
I just wanted to add that.
Go for it.
Karen.
Okay.
Thanks.
This is my first time talking.
So hi.
Hi, Karen.
So I posted in the group on the app that I was going to an anti-dating app party, and
it was quite an amazing experience.
We had a great time.
They had a lot of icebreakers for you to do when you walked in the door.
They gave you a bingo card, and on the bingo card had all these things like, do you want
to do a podcast?
Do you want to travel to different countries?
Do you want to write a book?
And you had to go around and introduce yourself and put your name on people's bingo card.
And so I started chatting with this one guy, and what I want to say about this is we had
so many travel experiences that we just kept talking and talking and talking and laughing
and joking about all the different places we've been.
And it was hilarious.
I enjoyed my conversation with him.
Now, I wouldn't say he was the most attractive person there, but I really loved the flow
of our interaction.
And then, out of the blue, this other guy comes over because I kind of know him from
other events.
And he comes over and he goes, hey, and I'm like, hey, and Chris, I knew his name.
And he doesn't even remember my name.
We're Facebook friends, but he doesn't even remember.
And he totally bombards my conversation with this guy that I was having.
And so then this guy walks away, and I was having a great conversation with him.
And so now I'm sitting there with Chris, who I already know, and I know I'm not interested
in him.
And he's telling me the lowdown in his life.
And, oh, I was, you know, lots happened since we last saw each other.
I got married.
It only lasted three months because she cheated on me.
And I'm like, can you bring back Kurt, please?
And you know, now Chris, more attractive, but not emotionally healed, not fun.
And he talked about himself.
Kurt, totally not as attractive, but the conversation was amazing.
It was, you know, we had a lot in common.
And I, like the whole night, I kept wanting to, like, go and spend more time with him.
And so we had to do, like, these different group game things.
And I, like, made sure I was in his group game and, you know, got to know him a little
bit.
And like, when we were all together at a table, there was like, we had to be in a group of
five and there was five of us and he was the only guy and he and one girl was Keisha, the
other girl was Keisha.
Another girl was Kelly.
Then it was me, Karen, and his name was Kurt.
He's like, we're the 5Ks.
And I'm like, you know, like, we were just like, personality.
And I loved it.
And then, like, he even made sure that the ladies had, like, a stool to sit on.
And he got up and stood, you know, to make sure that one of the ladies could have a seat.
And it was great.
And so at the end of the night, they give you, like, these cards where you're supposed
to put your phone number on them if you want to, if you felt like there was a connection
with anybody.
I didn't do it because I was, I saw him, like, communicating with this other woman.
and kind of got like, you know, I don't know, I just kind of
didn't know what to do. Like, I was like, maybe he's interested
in her. I don't know. I feel so weird. I don't know what to do.
So I didn't. I didn't give him my number. And I walked there. I
said goodbye to him. He was like, bye, Karen. And that was
that. And I don't know if I'll see him again. I might at
another event, who knows. But I was like, man, I really had a
great time. It was personality, personality, personality and
connection matter more than attraction, because attraction
can grow, which I know. But so that was the first thing. The
second thing is start talking to this guy on Facebook. And he
he's obviously living here where I am. But he's like used he's
from Germany. I lived in Switzerland. So we had that
kind of commonality. But we started chatting a little bit.
And then he goes, Can I have your phone number to move on to
our conversation. And I had just finished the online dating
course. And I was like, I don't think I'm supposed to give him
my phone number. I think we're supposed to do like a zoom or
something. And so I mentioned that I was like, would you be up
for doing a zoom? And he was like, No, I really want to chat
via text first. And I didn't know what to do. I haven't
responded because I don't know what to do.
So this is a dating app person guy.
What's that? He's on the dating app. Yeah, that last guy is on
You're like, I want to see you first. Right? So I feel like
it's a red flag.
Well, not a red flag.
Maybe a yellow.
No, he's just that he said he don't want to do it. Yeah, don't
flag them. You just come back with what you want to do if you
don't want to do it. Okay, I don't. You don't have to zoom
call a person before you give them your number. Okay. You
feel free to give him your number if you want. But if you
want to see him before you give him your number, then you can
say, Hey, I totally get it. You want to text I like to see the
people that I'm talking to. And so I, I'm happy to go ahead and
part ways at this point.
Okay, that's a good way to say it.
Yeah. So he told me he want to text. Yo.
We're already texting through the Facebook app. Like how much
more do you want to do?
Right texting? Right. And so you just tell him your preference
is to know the person you're talking to. Okay, see their
face. Yeah. Okay. Or, you know, you don't have to say anything
back. You can just block them. I mean, you don't have to respond.
I mean, at this point, you don't you don't have to respond to
this guy. You told him what you wanted. He told you what he
wanted. Y'all don't see eye to eye. Yeah. But in the future,
when you do say that to person is like, can I get your numbers
like, hey, I think getting exchanging numbers will be
great. How about we do a video call first, because I really do
like to see the person that I'm giving my phone number to before
we move forward. You can always say that. And if they tell you
they don't want to do a zoom call, so I totally understand. I
get and respect your decision. And I really appreciate you
respecting my decision. So it's great getting to know you, if
only for a moment.
Okay, that sounds good. Yeah, I'm so glad you're having fun
Karen. And next time you give that man your number. He's
dating just like you. He can talk to more than one woman at
a time. May the best woman win. That's right. Yeah, that's what
I should have said to myself. But I guess this was my first
time getting back out there. So I was like, I know, I probably
would have did the same thing. But I just wanted to give you a
thought. So next time it happens, you'll have something
else to run out. Yeah, that's good. I like that.
Thank you. You're welcome. All right, Renee. I want that sweet
baby. You got Renee. Whose baby is it?
Say hi.
Baby.
Girls.
Say this is my granddaughter. So she is just being calm with me.
Yeah.
What's her name?
Her name's Lily.
Oh, that's a beautiful name.
So if she starts crying, I'll mute.
But she should be good. So I went to a singles retreat this
weekend. And I'm going to shut the door real quick. So let me
shut the door. Yeah, take your time.
Soficio, I'm so happy to see you.
Okay. Um, so it's my first time actually talking on here too.
But I went to a singles retreat and with a friend of mine. And
we met a whole bunch of singles. But it was a weird dynamic. I
wasn't in between stage. So there was a whole bunch of
people Kim's age, which was great.
And there was a whole bunch of people
in their 30s and 20s,
but there wasn't people in my age range.
So I was in this weird dynamic of where
there were nobody in my age range,
but just trying to talk,
there was a couple guys in my age range
and I tried to go over there and talk to them
and they were like,
they just didn't know how to do conversations.
You'd be like, hi, how are you?
So, you know, we did a canoe race
and I was like, so, you know,
have you done canoe races before?
You did really well.
And the guy was like, yeah, I did it in high school.
And then he got up and left and I was like,
all right, that was awkward.
And they just weren't conversing
or we learned how to two-step.
And the guy, I was trying not to lead.
And I said, you know, you're supposed to lead in this
because I'm not supposed to lead,
but it was just very awkward.
And so I guess my question for you is,
I worked in a very male-dominated field.
I was the only female.
And I have a habit my friend told me after
because I was carrying stuff out after the weekend
and we'd been playing Aptag,
but I kind of kicked open the door
because my hands were full.
And she's like, you're very masculine.
And so I'm trying to be more feminine in a way.
And she's like, you know, you walk masculine.
And I was like, look, I was an engineer.
I worked with men.
You couldn't be very ladylike.
You had to be respected by the men.
You had to act like a man.
And so now I'm trying to be very feminine
and I'm not even sure how to do that in a way.
And I hear Jackie talk about it all the time.
She's like, embrace your feminine.
And I'm like, well, what does that look like?
You know, I can wear a dress,
but like, is it like a Disney princess?
Am I gliding?
Like, do you glide?
Like, am I supposed to be gliding across the room?
Like, what does that look like?
Or do I watch these movies and they're like glide
and you're like, do I wear high heels or something?
Like, I probably look like I could walk
like a guy in gliding too.
So I'm trying to figure out the balance.
I'm sure kicking open the door did not help,
but I'm just trying to figure out
what the balance looks like
so that I can come off more feminine.
And because even if I do it in my profile,
I haven't been getting any likes even on my profile.
So it is this weird dynamic of guys
at my church aren't interested,
men on my profile aren't interested.
And even though on my profile I've traveled a lot,
I've done a lot of fun stuff,
and I'm an outdoors person.
So I've done dog sledding.
I've been in helicopters.
Like I've done some crazy fun stuff.
And so I've kind of tried to present that even on my app,
but I don't know if it makes it seem more masculine
or just not as girly as what it should be.
Can I see your profile?
I sent pictures in the app for you to make it easy.
It was weird.
It wouldn't let me, on the app,
it doesn't let you put something bigger,
more than one picture, and it made it difficult.
So I had to screenshot it and clip it.
You've done that a while ago, didn't you?
I did.
It made it difficult.
And so it would only let you post one thing at a time,
and you had to do it in separate pages for you,
which made it even more difficult.
Renee, how long ago has that been?
Probably four days ago, because-
Well, did you post it under ex-coach, wins, or all?
Ask a coach.
Let's take a look at your profile.
I think that some things can seem,
like I think dog sledding is cool,
but it can come out masculine.
But I don't think,
I think it just sounds fun.
It was a blast, let me tell you.
Yeah, I want to say this too about the feminine thing.
You're probably going to have to grow into it.
It's a real thing.
And dresses do make a difference.
The more you wear them, the more it's going to affect you.
wear on you like the more you're gonna come into someone said last week when we met they wore a
dress and me and tried to talk to them at the store they never approached them some guy approached her
and she had never had that experience before and she knew it was because she wore a dress
the first time she did it if you're on tonight just say that was me but um she wore a dress and
approached by a guy i don't know why it's not pulling up and ask a coach so in it i have to
do it through the computer but i'm gonna take a look at it and i'm gonna add any suggestions that
um it was jane okay um even the jean shirt dress is super cute um yeah i do like the dogs and
somebody said dog sledding sounds really unique and fun i want you to keep that because it does
very unique but growing in your femininity is going to take time and i think that i want you
to get in your mind that you just have to practice on the job and i don't want you to feel like oh
you're asking me to be something i can't be because life has shaped me to be this way and
though life up to this point has shaped you has required you to carry a more masculine energy
you're not gonna be that way always because femininity lives in you also and so you're
gonna learn on the job and so i'm gonna give you a really good example i was out on a date with a
guy on sunday every time he got up to go in the coffee shop to get some i'll be like oh i'll get
it he's like i did it three times he's like ebony no but it didn't even click in my mind that here
this man is trying to serve me and i keep saying i'll do it oh sit i told him sit down i'll get it
and it was just like and then it didn't it done on me like the first thing he looked at me like
no and i was like or the same the same guy we were walking to the car and so he put his arm
i don't know if y'all could see me like this so that my arm can go under his arm oh yeah see me
i missed it honey i don't even know what he
i didn't know what he was doing he's trying to be a gentleman figure it out and then when
he did it like kind of out more because we were coming up to a curb and he was helping me step
down oh and i was like oh my country self i was just like why did you miss it golly but
that's that part of me that has to develop and grow more in my femininity and i'm okay with it
because experience showed me like hey lay back some more chill back some more and i've come a
long ways i'll just i was like a bulldozer i could just take over like oh yeah i could tell
he wanted to ask me out but he kept being slow about it and i made mention to him i was like
i was about to just ask you did you want to go out he said don't do that and he never cracked
his mouth he said don't do that and it was like that line like no don't don't do that and so
there's that part of me that i coach myself all the time i have a conversation in my mind that
says stand down slow down wait rene over and over and i took that from the little bit i learned
from not a little bit i took from what jackie taught us and then i just start working it over
time okay the women in my family are very controlling very take over they gonna they
gonna do it they don't don't worry they don't need no man for nothing and they don't mind
letting their husbands know if you can't get it i'll get it right and so i just want you to know
that's a growing process i believe that you are going to get dates i know you feel like you're
i know you feel like that you're not going to get attention but i don't care who the woman is
on here if you may say they look like a a beauty queen they've had the same thing
every woman has said the same thing and that's how i know it's not just you and that's how i can tell
you and i felt the same thing i've been on dating apps and nobody would talk to me for months and
the ones that did look like somebody got thrown away on Saturday they were missing teeth like i
requirement people like you have to have your teeth i'm sorry teeth and i would think it was
something about me that the man with the missing teeth would want to talk to me yeah so understand
or they look like serial killers serial killers are missing teeth and i'm like i don't want to
be on a documentary she went on a dating app and all of a sudden she ended up murdered in the
like their eyes are all open and you're like and you're like oh please stop okay you know yeah and
I want to be encouraged. I do want to look at your profile. If you would just send me one more picture. I can't find it right now.
Okay, I can do that.
Your front page with your first picture and just send it to me.
Okay, you commented on the picture and you said the picture was fine and then I sent you a picture of the description, but I can resend that to you, no problem.
I also had a question. When you've been single for so long, how do you get out of that independence?
Because I've been single for so long, like I've been single for 17 years and it's like I am so hyper independent now.
Like it's almost like, okay, I want a man in my life, but I am so independent. It's like who's going to, who's going to, the toilet gets plugged.
Who's going to do it? Well, I have to do it because there is not a man there.
So how do you get out of that mindset?
One step at a time. And I know this seems simple and people are like, oh, I'm going to ask somebody else to help me with my groceries.
But really asking somebody to help you over and over and over again, letting people in your life do stuff, even if they're not a man.
So if they offer, let someone do it. But the truth is, Renee, whoever, whoever, whoever the Lord has in your love story for you is going to have to help cultivate that part of you because you've had to take care of things yourself for 17 years.
That doesn't just go away. But every person comes with an area that has to be cultivated.
And so that's why we can't be too quick to come with all of these lists of questions when you first meet a person and want to ask people out because of certain things, because you don't understand.
The understanding has to come that God designed us to be cultivated by the other person because we sharpen each other.
And when you get ahead of yourself and ask all these questions way ahead of time and you don't know their heart, you don't have anything to measure them by.
It's your judgment. And so know that there are some things this man is going to come and help cultivate out of you.
There are parts of you that's going to be healed in their relationship. I've been doing things on my own.
I've been a single woman for a lot of years. And when I was married, I was doing everything then.
Yes, my husband is going to have his work cut out for him. But that doesn't mean I'm not willing to partner with the man.
That doesn't mean I'm not willing to catch myself going one way and I pull myself back in and say, no, that's not how we're going to do this.
So it's a matter of are you willing to partner with the man when he comes along and to say this is hard, but I am going to do this.
Right. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. Oh, you're welcome.
All right. Vernon, Vern. I don't know why I said Vernon, because you put your whole name, I ain't never seen your whole name before.
Yes, I got my whole name in there today.
Is it Vernender?
It's Vernender.
Vernender.
Vernender. Well, I got my sticks with me today. I had to beat people off. These my war sticks right here.
You had to beat me and Apple the sticks here.
Yeah.
Listen, I can tell you guys, I am really enjoying myself, but I'm talking to people.
I just ain't had no dates yet. I talk to people all the time, all the time.
But we'll get to this little place where like one of them, this guy.
OK, let me tell you what I did. I changed up a little bit and I saw I saw a couple of people said that they were preachers.
You know, they were ministers. So I said, let me see what they saying over here.
And so one guy, he asked me, he said, are you that queen I've been searching for?
Are you that queen that I've been searching for? Are you that queen who knows God?
Wait, who's. Oh, no, she is in God.
And see, that was no brainer for me. So I gave him a list. I gave him I did.
I did give him some information on that. And I think he needed he needed less because I think he was like, I think you got too much.
All I told him was that I just told him was that I am confident in who I am.
I do know what I want. I have talked to some people before my kid's dad.
And not that I'm just comparing to that in a sense, but I know what happened then.
And I do. I'm not going to compromise is what I'm saying.
I'm not going to compromise on the part in reference to me and my relationship.
relationship with Christ. So I'm not going to compromise on that. And so I am, I do ministry in my church
and
I'm not gonna compromise with with those things. I, I did, I did
kind of, I
won't say compromise, but my, my brother, my brother-in-law said, like if people say like they occasionally
drink or whatever,
he say, maybe they just do like him, you know, just socially drink or whatever. And that's still kind of, I
don't, you know, but I'm still interested. I'll still talk to them and everything. I'm not kicking him, kicking him to the curb.
I still want to see, because I know on there
it acts like, because I've seen people who say it often and that kind of stuff,
but most of the people have said like occasionally. But anyway,
so this guy and I had started talking for just a little bit, was holding some conversations, and then he just went silent.
And
then my other guy,
he went silent. So I was like, well, maybe I'm too, maybe I'm too
young for them, because they were like 70,
70 and 71. And
I,
again, I have a guy now, and he was very comical.
I got a couple things out there where we were kind of talking a little bit, that we just started talking in the last
day or so. And so, and one guy, he was really comical, and
he sent me something, and I
just answered him tonight,
because when I'm at work, I can't be talking to anybody. I'm supposed to be working.
So, so I'll see how those go. I had one that was 68, and
he was really nice. And then there was one who was 57.
He was really nice, and
I will answer, but he's from South Carolina, and
I'm from Atlanta, but I was still interested in just seeing what he's saying.
But, yeah, so. So I want to say this, and I don't know how long you're talking with these guys before things go flat,
but the quick, the fastest way to get dates,
and when you start, they come, they can come real rapid.
Date locally.
Yeah. Within a week.
Yeah. You need to be at a coffee date.
So you're talking to them the first day, after the first day, the second day when you get to know them, like offer, say
let's do a Zoom call, and let's meet for coffee.
And then in between that time, if it's at the end of the week,
space your talking time.
Mm-hmm. Don't give them a lot of talking time. Does that make sense?
We haven't been doing a lot of talking time.
Oh, no, I was just giving you a formula for like the next guys that come along, when you start liking somebody.
If you want to nail in those dates, I found this to work well for me.
Okay.
I give less time to talk and like, let's get it, you know, let's get the date scheduled.
Now, if it's two weeks, you're going to obviously talk a little bit more.
I'm not saying just don't talk to a person, but don't oversaturate yourself in conversation with them,
because unless they feel unsafe,
but then they can just start to say stuff that kind of turn you off, and what you're just trying to do is get to
the date, if a person feels safe.
And another thing is, when he said like, are you the queen I'm looking for?
And you're like, well, I know what I want, so I just told him all about me.
It will serve you better just to say, well, we'll find out.
Are you interested in grabbing a cup of coffee?
Because when a woman lists who she is or everything about her worth,
that is intimidating to a man.
You're not trying to marry him.
You're trying to get to him.
And so I don't, he don't even need to know that stuff about Vern.
So you just say some flirt, flirtish bit.
Like, I don't know about all that, but are you interested in a coffee date?
Like, we'll have to find out.
You know, something real light.
Even if they, even if, you know, like,
keep stuff very surface to get to the date.
Mm hmm.
Because after the date and you want to see them again,
that's when you start to see a little bit more.
But our goal is the date.
No mistake about it.
Right. OK.
Just the date.
OK.
OK, I got it.
Vern, I know you could get a date.
I really do.
I really believe in your ability to get a date because there are a lot of men
talking to you, you can get a date.
And I know how it feels to have all these men talking and you don't get a date.
I get it. I've done that before.
Yeah. But.
Let's try this method.
Okay, well, these two, we'll see what these three that I kind of met like yesterday, yesterday and today.
Okay.
We'll see how that goes.
Okay. All right, y'all.
All right.
Get that date. They said get that date, Vern.
Candy.
And while Candy is coming on, ladies, we have two more.
Alicia, oh, Stephanie just jumped in, and Sarah.
But we are going to wrap up at 815 Olayna 820 tonight.
It is 807.
And so I will talk fast if you talk fast.
Oh, Candy.
You got to run, Sarah.
No.
I know.
I'm just messing with you.
I hope you enjoyed your time.
All right.
Candy.
Candy girl.
Hello.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, um, no, actually, if you want to hear the update from last week on.
I mean, it didn't go.
It didn't go well.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
So, you know, he's looking, he's, he's looking for, he's looking for a lot of.
I think he's not, I'm sure he's not coached being a coach.
Right.
Seems to me that he's looking a lot of yellow flags as a reflex.
Okay.
So he's looking for exact trend of him.
So, so then, you know, that's over.
But anyway, I have a question about.
Cause I, I saw.
I get into the Facebook dating app.
And there's a lot of guys are in Catholic.
They they're Catholics.
So, um, how, how do I handle that?
Like, do I ask them question?
If I ask them question.
Uh,
Let's see.
Oh, sorry.
What do you want to date?
Do you want to go on a date?
Well, yes and no, but.
If it's just for experience, yes, but I'm not really.
Well, I guess, I don't know.
I really don't know.
Cause last time, I think.
Uh, Carla was mentioning color, right?
It was mentioned in the group.
There's some, some people actually dating people from who is Catholic.
So I don't know how in reality, how the Catholics.
Um, you know, if one, one person's a Catholic, the other person's question.
How do they, how do they handle that?
It's not a conflict, but.
Oh, it's a conflict.
Um, it is definitely, it can be a conflict, but if you want a date, just go.
You can go on a date with the Catholic, you know, at least, you know,
y'all believe in the same basis of a thing.
You just, well, you, you kind of believe the same, right?
Um, if that's the case for a date,
but you never really know how strong a person is in whatever they say they
believe.
And so that's what you can't determine.
And it's not best to try to determine it through a series of questioning.
If you want to go on a date and get to know a person,
go on a date and get to know them to get boxes.
Check before you do that is to put a lot on the line,
to believe that it could be something that is not,
no matter how many boxes they check.
It doesn't mean that they're your spouse,
but if you think that you've covered stuff by checking boxes,
you set yourself up for an expectation.
You put an expectation that that there probably will not go well for you.
And so it's always best if they're Catholic,
I'll get to know a Catholic person.
You can get to know them,
go out on a date and just get to know them because you never know how
committed someone is.
Just like, um, heaven said, she's talking to this guy.
She didn't realize he was, he had posted that he was agnostic.
She went back and saw that he was agnostic.
She's like, Oh, we're going to have to talk about this.
Come to find out he's not even agnostic.
Now I'm not telling anybody to click on somebody's agnostic.
Cause I definitely would not select a person that's agnostic.
I ain't even going to ask him about it.
Cause I ain't going to talk to him.
But, um, like that's just not, I'm not going to select it.
But however, she didn't know.
And when she did talk to him, it really wasn't it.
I know people who talk to people that say they're Catholic all the time,
and they're really not sold.
They started going to their Pentecostal church.
Normally I would ask them, you know, at the beginning, I'll ask them, Oh,
you know, if they did not put down their religions,
I would put, ask them what's the religions.
And then they say Catholic.
Then I said, then I just, I don't want to get deep into it.
Just, Oh, I know.
Okay.
They, they, at least they have a religions.
Yeah.
But I'm just saying like, let's say if, um, maybe I'm not sure whether
this is a phase two question could be a phase three questions.
Like how did they actually, uh, how did they work out together?
If they have different religions.
Well, that's not going to work out unless you're willing.
If they live, they like a diehard Catholic, you won't have to convert.
If you don't mind converting them.
And so that's how it works with Catholicism.
You're going to have to convert if they're in it like that.
But it's not a level three because that's exclusivity.
So that means you've been dating them for two to three months
unless they actually go exclusive in one month.
But if you've been two, three months,
you've got some skin in the game.
Because by the time you get to know a person for a month,
there's no reason why you can't bring up
to them what they believe in.
Right.
Right, when you talk about surface level questions,
you're talking about the first three days.
Right.
But after that, you're naturally,
because a conversation is progressing,
you're naturally going to progress.
Correct, right.
Right, and so at that point, you can just say,
I noticed on your profile that you were Catholic.
Can you share with me a little bit more about that?
You know, my faith is very important to me
and I saw that you were Catholic.
Can you share a little bit more about that?
Right, so let's say they share,
they said that one of them,
they said that they all share in a Catholic church, right?
So let's say, for myself,
if I don't really believe Catholic,
then why even bother to go out with this person?
Well, see, the thing about it is, Candy,
you're trying to lock down something.
You're living ahead of time.
You're putting the cart before the horse.
Okay.
It sounds like, you can correct me,
you may not be sold on dating for discovery.
I'm sorry, say again?
See, dating for discovery says, I'm just going on a date.
Right.
But if you keep trying to get concrete,
then you're not dating just to go on a date.
Well, because in the back of my head,
I already have a wall, you know,
thinking that, oh, this is not the type that I want.
Then I might not act normally, you know?
I might have a resistance.
I get it.
So there's two perspectives to this.
If you date for discovery,
it really doesn't matter if they're Catholic or Pentecostal.
They believe in Jesus.
Okay.
You want to date a Christian?
They're Christian.
That's the truth.
Oh, so just go out with anybody.
If you are dating to marry,
if you're saying, if they don't check these boxes,
I'm not even investing at all.
Right.
Well, then you missed the opportunity to invest in you
because you think it's about investing in them,
but dating for discovery is about investing in you.
Okay.
It's about investing in you
and your ability to release and go with the process.
Okay.
Because what you think you know, you don't know.
You don't know these people.
The boxes that you have that you measure people by
are no count when it comes to the heart of an individual.
And that you don't know.
You have no insight on it.
And when somebody does check your boxes
to show that they are whatever your standards are,
that could be so far away from what Canda needs
to help her grow and to help her become.
And so part of this process is investing in you
and releasing the pen and stepping out
and getting to know people,
which builds capacity for marriage.
Okay.
That's what I'm saying.
So.
All right.
So then I'll be so busy that I have to go out to date.
There'll be so many.
Well, let's see.
You should have a lot of fun then.
Yeah, but then I'm not interested to go
because like I said to you before,
I went out with one guy
and I know before I go out to have a dinner with him,
I already know that he's not my type.
I already know, but I went out anyway.
And then he can sense it
and he didn't pay for the meals, which is fine.
And then at the end, when I tried to decline him,
he said, oh, it's because he did not pay for a meal.
But it's not true.
I don't mind to pay for the meal.
But what I'm saying is this backfire me.
That kind of thing.
It didn't backfire on you.
He should have paid for your meal.
And I'm glad he thought that.
He shouldn't take no woman out he don't want to pay.
Now I'm just telling you, Canda now,
it didn't backfire on you.
The reason why you feel like it may be backfired on you
is the way that you're processing it.
It didn't backfire on you.
You got the date.
That was the goal.
Okay.
You don't make that the goal
then it's gonna feel like it's not working.
So I feel like I'm using him, no?
I've been using him now.
That ain't possible.
You paid for the date.
Yeah, I pay for the date.
I don't mind.
But I'm saying if he paid for the date,
then I feel like I'm using him.
You're not using him.
That's not true.
That man don't, he ain't looking at you.
What, you gonna go to the alter and say,
I do the next day?
No, but then there's a possibility to continue
to have conversations.
So I'm not even feel like-
But you are one possibility.
Ability of another 20 possibility. It's called dating
Uh-huh. Y'all can get down the road and he figure out, you know, I really don't like her perspective on this
Oh, well, it's done you one month in and y'all been paying for stuff
That's what dating does it helps you get to know a person and so
What you can do is to feel like you're not using a person if you want every time you go on the date
You just go go Dutch
Yeah
That is not you that yeah, that's fine. But then if I saw someone that's not my type
Oh, no, you look older than on his picture. I already I already get turned off so quickly
I know candy, but you're using you're using one example
to
to kind of like
To go against the principle that I'm giving you. Okay, I understand you can't do that
Date for discovery and get to know candy or you're choosing to make sure that they meet a certain level of qualifications
Before you go out. It's your choice
Okay is your choice? And so you can set your dating profile to only show you Christians and not Catholics
You get to choose there. No, there's no pressure for me
But I want you to know when you date for discovery the date within itself is the the goal
nothing
Okay
You don't feel like he's dangerous then he can be a good person to go on a date. Okay. All right
I don't change my perspective. In other words. Yeah
Have to tell myself. Yeah, I had to change my perspective. Okay
Yeah, you're welcome in
Alicia you're up next and just for everybody listen, you won't always date for discovery
You won't always date in this phase at some point
You're gonna transition after you learn enough about yourself. You're gonna be dating for spirit DNA
You're not gonna always date everybody. He's in a different season of life
Let me tell you if you're 70 like him who looks amazing
If you are you're not gonna keep dating for discovery at your age you come on now you 70
Like you a 70 if a 70 year old man don't know what he won't then
It ain't even worth it you're at an age settle in life where decisions can make that's why people who are up in age
They can get married much quicker
They know what they know they won't they live
They ain't got time on their side like somebody who's in their 20s, and I'm just saying that you know
Like that's a real thing
And so you deal with your heart you work through some things through a little dating and then you you keep moving
You right cuz you're dating for discovery you're learning about yourself
And I just think that's something that we have to keep in mind. We think that we'll be in this phase forever
You won't date for discovery forever
Because this is refining you
This is helping you work your boundaries. This is helping you get rid of your
all of your like
Entitlement your is helping break you to show people grace
It's helping you to grow in forgiveness because you're still gonna need these things for marriage. I don't give you a to one and you get
mad
Right. It's helping you come down with all your biases
So it's just working some things out of you got this all this phase is and that's why when we're resistant to dating when you're
Resisting to the process. It's only it's only just closing out that part of you
Mm-hmm cuz it won't always be a dating for discovery at the stage that I'm at
I don't date every single person that reaches out to me. I'm not in dating for discovery anymore
I did I did that phase. I'm a little more streamlined. I
Date for a spirit DNA
I know like everything's cars to get a bit more streamlined at some point
And so that's just why we encourage you guys to I know it's a 20
We encourage you guys to enjoy this phase because I'm telling you won't have it always but you can discover so much
And so have fun with it go for it like they say go for broke
Yeah, go all in. So thank you candy for sharing. Okay, Alicia or Alicia
Yep, Alicia. Yep. Hi ladies
So my question is regarding over sharing early on in the dating process
So
How do you navigate?
the right verbiage to maybe stop a man from over sharing about his past his ex and
What I noticed is that when they start talking I get that empathetic like oh now
I'm gonna share all about my business and I in turn and talking for hours and I'm like, this is this shouldn't have happened
It's not just you
And so this is what you do and this is your practice to come out of it
Yeah, so when you do it be like, oh shoot. I did it again, but that you're aware that you did it
That's what matters most you are now aware
So what you do is you remind yourself that these people that you're talking to
have probably never been coached before.
Men, every man I ever talked to, the first thing they say, I'm an open book.
And they want to tell you everything up front because their mind is thinking,
I'm going to lay it out.
If you want to move forward, we can move forward.
If you don't walk away now, that's what they're thinking because men
invest more in dating than women do.
Men are the ones carrying the bill.
They're paying for things.
And so they're like, let me get all this up front to you.
So you can decide what you want.
So that's what they're thinking.
But at any time when they're talking, saying, you can say, Hey, wait one
second, one second, I know that you're sharing and you probably feel very
comfortable doing it, but I would rather learn these things about you a little
bit later when we know each other better.
So how about we talk about something a little bit more lighter?
How does that sound to you?
And they're going to say, oh, oh, oh yeah.
I was just saying, you know, anything you want to know, you ask me,
thank you for the invitation.
And I already have your little question on standby that you got from AI.
If you could be any superhero or something fun, like whoever they're
talking to, once you feel like the person that pick out a fun question,
the same thing when y'all in person talking, when you feel it going deep,
say, oh boy, I think this is taking a turn that I didn't want to take.
Let's scurry back over here.
And then you change the topic and you have to be open up your mouth and
just do it, interrupt them, drop something, stop the conversation or say,
Hey, I want to stop right now.
I just really don't want us to go that deep into things.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
And I say this all the time.
I was like, Hey, I really don't want to know that.
Maybe like, it's okay.
I said, maybe okay for you, but I'm totally going to judge you.
So please keep it to yourself.
I am going to make a judgment.
I know me, you tell me that you cheated on your wife that you married to for 20
years and that's why y'all divorced.
Listen, that ain't going to go over.
Ain't going to be no, I can see your heart.
I'm telling you right now as a woman who wants to guard herself,
someone will go, whoa.
And then I'm going to keep digging.
Oh, if he's, you know, like, so yeah.
Great question, Alicia.
All right, Sarah, iPhone Sarah.
Hello.
How are you?
I'm well.
How are you?
I know you're wrapping up, but I just wanted to give a little update.
Um, you had, you had suggested, cause the last person I brought up was someone
that lives in my apartment complex.
I wasn't sure, you know, it was like, is he just being nice?
Is he not?
So I did kind of put myself out there and, um, said I wanted to get to know him better.
And he said his response was sounds fun.
I'm really busy the next couple of days.
Let me check, um, back in with you.
And he never did.
So I was really bummed, but that's kind of my answer.
Oh, man.
I did.
And I had like, uh, my friend was in town.
She was my little hype squad.
Like, I don't know if I would have done it if she wasn't there.
Cause I had her like read through all of our, like our text exchange.
And she's like, oh yeah, you should definitely just go for it.
So I guess the pro is that I haven't, like, I don't see, I have not seen him, but, um,
yeah, so that's that, but then I did go to a mixer, um, like two weeks ago and it
was for like a 40 and up crowd.
There's only four men and like six women.
Um, so the odds are really that great.
And I was like, I had wanted to go to this other mixer that
was more of a younger crowd.
And I was kind of a little bit like questioning if I made a good choice,
but I did exchange numbers with one guy.
Um, I felt like, like our conversation was pretty good and he asked if I could
go to drinks with him that weekend.
I was away last week, so we're going to go this weekend.
Um, yeah.
And I have not been on a date in a while, so I'm trying to just, you
know, not like overanalyze things.
He's been pretty flirty in his texts.
Um, like he said, he had thought about walking me to my car and I was like,
Oh, don't worry about it.
I felt really safe.
And he's like, sometimes it's not always about safety.
And I was like, Oh, okay.
Yeah.
You were like, just wanting more time.
Um, so anyways, we'll see, we'll see how it goes.
So I'm going out Friday with him.
Yeah.
I'm excited for you.
And when you see that guy at your apartments again, I'm going to be like,
I guess we didn't get a chance.
It's the workout, but it's okay.
So yeah, don't be with it out when you see me. I'm totally okay.
Yeah.
You say something like that. So you won't feel like, oh, I hope I don't see him. I hope I don't see.
Yes, I know. Because I have kind of been feeling that way. And I'm like, but, uh, yeah, I'm trusting like God will, you know, work it out. It'll be fine.
Yeah, it will. Yeah, yeah.
Way to go Sarah.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Stephanie.
Hi, I'm off in time to be able to jump on, um, super quick updates. You've gotten some of them in the app. I am going to say, um, I'm going to try to do like a FaceTime probably with that one guy who just seems like he's too aggressive for me, um, mainly because we haven't FaceTime.
It's only been phone conversations and stuff.
And the reason why I feel like I need to do a FaceTime with him is because he is triggering me.
And I believe that there's something that I need to learn about myself with asserting those boundaries.
Because after talking to my mom about him, I'm noticing that I noticed that he, um, there's things that he says that remind me of my ex who reminded me of my brother.
With how, with that, with, um, with his critical, with as far as being critical.
And those are certain early stage things.
So I think that I'm supposed to, I feel that I'm supposed to not continue on for a long time, but to at least have a FaceTime conversation with him and learn more about myself and, um, build some thicker
skin with having assertive communication.
Um, but I think that that's what I'm supposed to get from this particular guy in this, um, discovery dating season from him.
Yeah, I think that's good, Stephanie.
Yeah.
It's going to be tough.
And so I think that I'm going to have to do a little fast for a little bit because it's, there's been, um, a lot of healing layers with my brother.
Um, and no resolution with him.
He, um, he hasn't asked for forgiveness, but I've had to do a lot of forgiving on that side, but I still need to.
Um, but I know that I've attracted men that are like him.
So I know that that's where I need to really just kind of sew into that and see how God does more healing in me through that.
Yeah.
I went to that white party, didn't meet anyone.
I only was there for a brief moment.
Um, but with that one, um, God was wanting to activate me wearing white from the activation that Carly gave.
And I was having trouble with seeing myself as a bride.
So he needed, um, he was activating in me that I need to get acquainted with wearing white.
I need to be acquainted with, um, also my birthday.
This is my birthday month.
So I also need to get acquainted with feeling celebrated, which I was struggling with.
So I know that he's working that part out with me too.
So one thing I have to do is buy more white and wear more white.
And then to, um, the Disney retreat was going to be like the celebration, but that was before my birthday.
But I like, was like, okay, that'll be fine for my birthday.
I'll that that'll be it.
But, but God's like, no, I want you to celebrate.
I want you to be childlike.
I want you to like plan something, which I don't, I didn't want to do that.
But as I'm, I'm doing this like art experience thing where you, um, can like throw paint against the walls and, and, um, like one of those paint experience places.
And I'm having a few girlfriends come with me.
And like what God was saying is like, I'm inviting you to invite your friends to create and play and to be childlike.
I gave you childlike as the word at the beginning of the year.
So your birthday, you need to sow into that with friends.
So I'll be doing that for my birthday at the, in the last Sunday of the month.
So that's awesome.
Yeah.
And then the other thing new update, the other part of my birthday weekend celebration is I'm going to this one day, um, singles conference called house of kingdom marriage.
And, um, Mia Fields is going to be one of the speakers and she has her story about her, her and her husband and waiting on that kingdom marriage promise and kingdom marriage.
family as well so yeah that one's in LA the last Saturday of the month and I'm
gonna be going to that and they have like breakout sessions for women and men
but then they also have like the combined with the men so we'll see how
that goes but that's gonna be one of the ways I celebrate my birthday too yeah
that's like I know me oh yes her story is amazing mm-hmm that's gonna be so
exciting for you yeah that's gonna be awesome
right now it's a it's a lot of like all right God you're taking me on this
journey so I believe that I'm to stay in this phase two part as I'm sussing out
some of the whole like being acquainted with celebrating with accepting
celebration and sewing into that and with seeing myself as a bride so yeah
that's like the the final activation that God really wants to do within me
before moving on to the next phase okay this sounds good you've grown by leaps
and bounds Stephanie oh it is so true you you were so resistant not resisting
but you were just because of all the trauma that you've experienced and so
I'm excited for you you're welcome it's only been one date but hey it's been a
way to go Stephanie hey Caitlin what do you have if you ladies don't know me a
fears you Mia feels if you haven't heard testimony I do encourage you to go to
dear future my future husband podcast and type in Mia feels dear future has
dear future husband podcast on YouTube and type in the name Mia feels to listen
to her interview she did a two-part interview but it is absolutely amazing I
mean real straight-up real belief marriage but go ahead
Caitlyn hi I've watched that podcast and it's really encouraging yeah Jackie was
on one of the interviews so yeah um I'm normally on the oops oh I'm normally on
Carlos calls but I was able to drop in briefly and I just have a couple minutes
before I have to go so I'll be quick but um just just want a little encouragement
for I have a date tomorrow it's with it's actually a guy who I met at my
church and it was kind of fun because I noticed him and I like practiced just
like making eye contact and yeah and it worked okay over like a couple weeks we
started he like he introduced himself to me he must have noticed me like making
eye contact and anyway he's a single dad yeah and I don't have any kids but I'd
love kids um and anyways I'm I'm looking forward to it I have chatted with him a
couple times at church so I've gotten to know like a little bit about him and he
also does kind of shit he has he hasn't like overshared but he's told me a
little bit of like his situation with his daughter like he's got full custody
of her and he hasn't shared like the dirty details or anything of what went
down but anyways I'm excited and I have a lot of mixed feelings swirling around
and one is I'm not sure if I'm physically attracted to him or not so
that's something I'll discover as I like spend more time with him the other thing
is I feel like I've been dating for years like I have done a lot of the
online dating and being set up for friends and I'm tired I'm kind of tired
of doing discovery dating I'm like I'm like I'm over discovering stuff in this
program well in this program more I don't know I was in the program and then
I left because I felt like I needed a hiatus from dating in general I see so
not super maybe maybe two months or maybe a month and a half in this program
I've done it after yeah after heartwork okay yeah but it's been a little mixed
up because I kind of quit and then returned yeah so anyways yeah I don't
really know what
phase of I'm in with dating. I know I gotta it's good to just keep it discovery and like hold
things loosely but I have a hard time not like right being like okay is this a person I can
make some forward movement with. Right well the thing about not being really attracted to him
is a good thing because it stops you from planning out your future. Well it can slow that down
and you know a lot of times thoughts just encourage you can have these running thoughts like what if
it didn't work out and what if it didn't this and then you answer yourself and say okay if it
didn't work out then he's not the best person for me and I'm not the best person for him.
Yeah and so a lot of times we think it's a one-way track but if he's not the best for you
then you're certainly not the best for him. Yeah true. And so you just keep it cut and dry to
it's a date. Yeah yeah. That's it it's just all it is. Yeah I know my mind is gonna do all sorts
of other stuff. Yeah. But you just keep telling yourself that. You have to baby you have to
program yourself you got to tell yourself over and over especially as a woman because we baby we
will go up to plan our future by how by land what do we move. I mean like a woman can go some places
in her mind. Yeah yeah. Like so it's just you have to rein yourself in and say yep those things could
happen but right now what's happening is a date. Yeah yeah. Right now there's a man sitting in
front of me that I do not know and I know we go to the same church and I know we get the same
teachings but I don't know him. Yeah for sure 100 percent. So have fun and see it as a date
and I know you've been on a lot of dates but if you had to go through hard work and now you're
dating again trust me you date differently. Yeah yeah. And if you're still dating what you used
to date before you did hard work then you're not practicing the new things you learn. Yeah
all right I'm gonna practice that tomorrow. Okay and give us an update. Okay thank you. Okay you're
that I did have another phone chat with someone that a family connection set us up and it was
fine like it was fine for dating for discovery. It's the same person from like the other side in
British Columbia who complained about time difference. Anyway I told him like your message
was very helpful like you drafting the message so he kind of responded because I was like dude you
to make time kind of a thing so he did. It was fine for discovery but anyway I just wanted to
kind of just give you thanks because and this program because like in the last five years I
had zero dates and then in the last one and a half month like this is five on seven date challenge so
I'm very good for discovery right. So I just want to thank you and also letting you know that I'm
traveling for the next two weeks. I'm in a different time zone so I will try to join but
if not then I'll see you in two weeks. I'll miss you Priti. Me too. I watched the recording
but anyway I wanted to let you know that I won't be here like I may not be here and
yeah yeah I know like it is very encouraging to even know that you met somebody or you
like ever since I moved to the city right and so like it just puts a lot of self-doubt in you and
so it's encouraging. Yeah I mean it's still been hard right like don't get me wrong like people
ghost you like you're having a good conversation and suddenly they're gone or like you meet someone
and you've had a great conversation and you've kind of told them like hey I would like to meet
again or whatever and then they're kind of quiet so like I just find like I just like I think men
also are doing their own discovery right like they're also figuring this out so anyway. Yeah
yeah well thank you for sharing. Yeah thank you. I know you wanted to close at 9 15 and or my time
9 15 and you're already late so thank you for thank you for giving us your time. Oh of course
no it is your time to have and guess what ladies I do want to say this as we close out. Some people
get married and they just get married and there are others of us who have to bleed by faith for
marriage. In life you're going to have to bleed by faith for something and this is just one of the
things that you have to bleed by faith. In partnering with heaven to see a promise come to pass
is not easy but it's definitely worth it and if it's not marriage it's going to be something else
but oh the joy of life.
be in marriage because I am telling you that marriage comes from the father and nobody knows
the heart of an individual like the father and he knows what you need to help you become the woman
that he has designed you to be and so I am telling you that yes faith is work but it's a work that
pays out in the end so I want you to remember that yep when you see somebody else getting married
say yep they got married yep they didn't have to worry about they got married when they were 20
look at them living their best life why do I have to do it because some things in your life just
come by faith some people have health and they do nothing for it and others of us have to believe
for our health and guess what that thing comes in your life by faith and that's the way it is
some people got amazon package pay some people got amazon package husbands some people got amazon
package bodies but other folks have to believe we gotta work by faith if we eat cupcakes it's
then what my metabolism is different and I better recognize that right and so be encouraged sleep
well and I look forward to seeing everything you ladies going to share on the wall and um
see you next time have a good night good night good night thank you you're welcome
you thank you good night everyone
thank you good night ladies