Okay, there we go. So glad to have you all joining us tonight. My name is Bethany Cooper. I'm one of
the master heartwork coaches here in the community. I'm so glad to have you joining us. If you're new,
you've never been here before, this is your first live session, we would love for you to put that
in the chat for us so we can welcome you. Let us know that you're joining us and hey, tell us where
you're joining from and do city and state and then our ladies that are returning, you've been here
before, you're coming back for more, welcome back. We'd love for y'all to put in the chat as well
because guess what ladies, some of y'all might live near each other and you didn't even know it.
So if you put that in city and state where you're joining from, that's just a little fun way for us
to get you connecting right out of the gate tonight because part of heartwork, if you don't
recall this or you haven't heard us as because again it's your first time joining us live, part
of the heartwork is coming out of hiding. It's being seen, being known, being loved and experiencing
the blessing of community when it is God's way. It's so, so amazing. So on that note, thank you
again for joining us. We're excited to dive into the content tonight. God has a lot in store.
Before I pass it over to Annette to do a couple housekeeping things, there was just something
this afternoon that I was really just felt led to talk about before we even do housekeeping
and it is this. As we are in the month of September and we're leaning into the Sabbath
rest, we're practicing not only ceasing or breaking from activity, but sometimes you're
still doing something, but it is a state of rest for you. So as you're praying and asking the Lord
what He is wanting you to do during the Sabbath to rest, to enter into rest, I want you to be
paying attention to a couple things. Here are two things I want you to be paying attention to.
What is the rest bringing up in you? Okay, is it bringing up peace in you or is it bringing up
loneliness? Is it when you're still and you slow down, what is your flesh experiencing?
What are the thoughts that you're having? Are you feeling any kind of shame or guilt or
or whatnot because you are choosing to rest? Maybe you're experiencing something amazing
and wonderful, but either way I want you to pay attention to what is it bringing up in you.
Number two, what is it bringing up in other people around you? We had someone post in the group and
that's what got me thinking about this. So often when we start to rest, even also when you start
to do your heart work and you start to heal, what happens is the people around us may not always like
us resting. Those people around us might not always like us healing because guess what?
For some of you, when your unhealed self was functioning and doing all the things for all the
people, yep, those people might not be served the same way anymore and they might not like it, but
it's better for you because you're starting to set some boundaries and live in a healthier place
and space. And so what is it bringing up in the people around you? If you are leaning into rest
and people around you are not liking that, I don't want you necessarily to stop resting. I want you
to pay attention to the people that are giving you a hard time for resting. What are they saying? What
are the lies? Sometimes it can be lies that are coming through them from the enemy,
but also is it something that God is doing to reveal an area for healing for you? Maybe it's
going to signal to areas where you need to put some boundaries in place in the days ahead.
So we're not here to just serve everybody else. Yes, God calls us to serve, but He also
calls us to live in balance, ladies, to be healed, to function not in a people-pleasing state, but
to love people out of the overflow of the love that we receive in the healing we receive first.
And so for Audrey, if you haven't heard the Supernatural Saturday where Jackie kind of
released the message, that was from two Saturdays ago. It's under our Replace tab in the app.
Definitely encourage all of our new ladies to check that out. We normally have Supernatural
Saturday every Saturday for the month of September. We are doing September Surrender.
That's the whole focus. So we're really calling the whole movement into a month of resting
and really practicing what does Sabbath look like? What is it supposed to look like?
And then also because we're about to celebrate our five-year anniversary,
we believe God is calling us as a movement to birth a lot of additional things. And so we're
resting. We're kind of
resting the land, if you will, for the month and preparing for what God has in the days to come.
So on that note, I'm going to pass it over to Annette. She's going to do a couple
housekeeping things for you and then we're going to pray and we're going to go right
into the content tonight. Hello ladies. It's good to be here with you tonight.
I wanted to just go over a couple things that are really best practices while you're in your
The first thing that we always encourage you to do is to press a pause on dating.
It really allows you the opportunity to focus on your heart and that's what's needed in this time
is for you to like Bethany was talking about rest for you to step back and have the time and
opportunity to work with Holy Spirit on your own heart work. And so if you can just hold off
and allow that time between you and God and Holy Spirit to do the work, then that will really
lay a strong foundation for you as you move ahead in the different phases. And in that respect,
we also encourage you to at the minimum, allow yourself one week of content for the five weeks.
So you can move through slower if you need it, but we really encourage you to set that as a
baseline pace to go through one week of content at a time in the five weeks. You're always welcome
to take as long as you need. But those two things are really important. Press a pause on dating
and allow one week for each time. And the other thing that's important while you're doing that
is really good self-care. This is hard work. This is emotional work. This is digging deep and
digging in. And so you really want to be allowing time for rest. Give yourself margins in your
schedule and in your day that can give you opportunity to be quiet before the Lord. Drink
water, lots of water. And of course you always feel better when you eat healthier. So try to
healthy choices and really take care of yourself during this time. And one way that I love to make
sure that I'm taking care of myself, that actually is restful, even though I'm moving
is I call it my walk and talk with God where I'm away from distractions. And I really just,
I walk in a place that's peaceful for me and it allows me a lot of time to reflect and to listen.
And I love how God always shows up for me and just talks to me, whispers those things that he's
continuing to work on in my life, just like he will do in yours. And the movement is good for
your body. Okay. Now I'm going to go ahead and I'll pray us in and we'll get started tonight.
It's good to have everyone here. Father God, we thank you for meeting us where we are for the
work that you have to do and want to do in each one of these ladies hearts for the purposes and
plans that you have for them to be their most authentic self, to be healed and to walk in the
freedom that that brings for them. I ask that tonight there would be revealing for healing,
that there would be aha moments and things that are nuggets of truth that they can take with them
into their week and be encouraged and continue in this purpose and process for this divine appointment
in you bringing them here. Bless Bethany tonight as she speaks, may your words flow from her and
just continue to be a blessing. You use her each week and thank you for doing so again this week.
In your name I pray. Amen. Thank you so much. I'm very excited to talk tonight about a couple
different topics. One of the things we're going to lean into tonight is the story of Candice.
For those of you that are brand new you might not have heard this yet in the content.
For those of you that have been here for a little while you might have heard it and maybe don't even
recall it or maybe some of you remember exactly what I'm talking about when I say that. We're
going to talk about the story of Candice. We're going to kind of lean into that, the reality that
God cares about you. We're going to talk about the different layers of what he cares about
and we're going to talk about broken promises. Okay and we're going in this direction because
ladies the reality is this. If we don't believe that God is good, not just in our heads but in
our hearts, if we don't believe that then God can try to give us something to bless us and we won't
be able to receive it. Whether that's the truth of his word, whether that's a friendship, whether
that's a romantic relationship in the future, maybe for some of
you it's a job, maybe for some of you it's a house. I don't know what your needs are,
but God does and he is wanting you to know that he truly is a good father
who gives good gifts to his children. But so many of us, because of brokenness and trauma
that we've experienced, we say we trust the Lord and we say that we believe that he's good,
but so many of us in our heart, our subconscious self, is actually telling us the opposite.
Okay, so tonight hopefully is going to, excuse me, reveal some lies that you've been believing
about God and things that you believe about him also, the opposite, that actually aren't true.
So there's just these things that are floating around in our subconscious because of things
we've gone through and we don't realize how they're invading in our souls and it's creating
a toxic environment and those toxic environments make it really hard to receive the fullness of
his blessings for us. And so the story of Candace, I'm not going to go through the whole thing
because you guys have either heard it or you will, but I want to touch on it briefly because it sets
a very good stage for what we're going to talk about tonight. Candace was someone that God was
talking to Jackie about. God was saying to Jackie that Candace is going to be there and she needs
healing. There were these conferences that were happening, there were two different conferences
in two different places, but God just kept speaking to Jackie over and over about Candace.
Candace needs healing and she's going to be there, but Jackie didn't know who Candace was.
So I want you to understand in this story, God knew who Candace was and he knew how to get her what
he needed to give her and he was willing to use Jackie to be a conduit of that flow of healing to
Candace. Candace ended up being someone who showed up on the scene that wasn't the original speaker,
but the original speaker canceled and Candace filled in. So that's why Jackie had no clue who
Candace even was because Candace wasn't on the docket. Candace wasn't supposed to be this person
that filled in as a speaker and so even after the conferences were over, Jackie started
just asking how they went and that's how she found out who Candace was. So here's what I want you to
be thinking about. God knows what you need, God knows where you are, and he knows how to get you
what you need, but do you believe that's how much he cares about you? Do you believe that he's
actually moving things and speaking to people on your behalf even right now, people that you don't
even know that God can put your name on their heart and say something just like what he said
to Jackie and maybe instead of the name Candace, maybe it's Megan. Megan needs healing
and I want to get it to her, you know, and sends people to you. He's drawn every single one of you
here to this heartwork course and process for such a time as this. He has divinely led you and
drawn each one of you, whether you realize it or not, God's hand is at play in you being here
even tonight. And so God is working in you, he's doing things, he's shifting things, and so part of
my prayer for you is that tonight that God will you reveal to them right now any areas that they
are currently struggling to believe that you, God, care about their needs and their wants.
So many of us, oh yeah, I believe that God wants to provide my needs, but what about your wants?
Do you think he actually cares about those? Now there's a caveat here, ladies. Sometimes the
things that we want are actually not good for us. Case in point, I was in a relationship for six
years with my spiritual daughter's dad that was not good for me. I didn't know how bad it was for
me in the beginning, and I pleaded with God to lead him to commit to me and to want to marry me
and you all all the things. I tried to be better and and sexier and this and that and all these
things, and it still was never enough, you all. He still cheated, he still lied, he still was
he still put me down. It didn't matter what I did, but here I was praying and asking God to
change his heart, to change his heart, to make it work, to help us come together. Y'all, we were not
meant to come together. God was protecting me from something that would have literally probably
killed me. Emotionally, there were already things. When I look back now at pictures from that time in
my life, like there wasn't light in my eyes. I was existing.
I was moving, I was doing things, you know, I was doing my best to serve the Lord,
but when I look at pictures, I just don't even look like the same person.
Because every time something bad happened in that relationship,
it just, it caused me to lose another piece of myself.
And God did not have that for me.
God wanted me to be in a healthy relationship where I could come alive
and thrive and laugh and do silly things like I talked to you guys about,
you know, army crawling to scare my husband, you all, these are real things.
God wanted me to have that kind of relationship.
But I had to trust him enough to surrender fully and give that other thing up
and take some time to heal and prepare for what God had for me and my husband now, Brian.
I would not have been able to receive Brian if I had not gone through the heart work and the healing
and all of the things that you guys are going through in your process right now.
So I'm asking God to reveal to you that he is good and that he will come through for you.
You know, Sarah, he's going to come through for you, Tiffany and Jennifer and Mary.
He's not just going to come through for other people.
Some of y'all, that's kind of like where you park your heart.
God, you're just always coming through for them and you're blessing them and they're getting married
and they're having babies and they're getting this and they're getting that.
But God, you aren't doing any of that for me.
And there's no shame in it, ladies, because I used to live there too.
But God wants to invite you to come out of that tonight.
He wants you to come out of the alignment with those lies that God is only good to other people,
but he's not really good. He just doesn't come through for me like he does other people.
And so many times we don't even really realize that's what we believe.
But what happens is when the pressure is applied, the lies are revealed.
And so I just want you to be thinking about how many times have you partnered with,
yeah, this is just, nothing's ever going to change.
This is never going to work out for me.
You know, God just kind of passes me by, like whether you realize it or not,
maybe you've never said those words out of your mouth, but somewhere in your heart,
you just don't believe that God is really this promise keeper that you hear about.
You actually feel like he's a promise breaker. He's a trickster. He's a deceiver.
But that's the enemy, Satan, the devourer, who comes to kill, steal, and destroy.
That isn't the God that you serve.
But somewhere along the way, things kept shifting and shifting and shifting in your heart and your mind
until you believed the lie that was fed to you.
Letdowns, trauma, and unhealed wounds from the past can cause us to view God and others
through filters and false lenses.
Remember, for those of you, if you're just joining us for the first time tonight,
you wouldn't have seen this last week, but it is available in the replay.
But I put on the sunglasses, and I was kind of representing how, you know,
the lenses and the filters that we wear subconsciously are the same thing as like those lenses.
It changed the way that I saw the things around me.
It changed the colors of the things that I was seeing.
And so some of you, that is where you're at.
You are being impacted still by those traumas and those unhealed wounds and the letdowns from the past.
Numbers 23.19 in the King James Version says this,
I'm going to read the same scripture in the Message Version now.
Again, this is Numbers 23.19.
It says,
For some of you, the difficulty that you have in believing that God is a promise keeper
is because people in your life, man, let you down.
Someone broke a promise to you.
Maybe multiple people have broken promises to you.
And when those things happened, you didn't actually receive the healing that you needed
so that you could believe the truth.
So that stuff is still down underneath of there.
You know, even little things.
This just came up in my spirit.
I know this was a movie, but there's this, the Santa Claus movie,
way back years ago with Tim Allen.
And the adult people in the movie, both of them,
Tim Allen's ex-wife and this guy that she was married to now,
you know, there was this whole scene around these gifts that they wanted when they were little children for Christmas.
And how they didn't believe in Santa.
And I know we don't, okay, we're not going all the way here,
but I just want to use this as kind of like symbolism.
little bit. They didn't believe in Santa Claus because they didn't get these gifts that they
wanted when they were little kids. But that's actually what happens in us. There's these gifts
or these things that we wanted long ago or even maybe five years ago or two years ago. I don't
know what your time frame is, but because you didn't get it, you started believing the lie that
God, A, is he even real? Can he come through for me? Well, he hasn't before. The enemy tells you
he hasn't come through for you before, so he's not going to do it again. But here's the thing
that's really kind of crazy is he actually has come through for us before. But in that moment,
because we're in pain, we're like, you're right. God never comes through for me. And we partner
with the lie. And so again, tonight, all these things, I'm kind of sowing these seeds.
It's all about coming out of agreement with those lies and deciding that tonight is your night,
your D-Day. It's your decision day. And that you, I feel the Holy Spirit. I didn't even say that
this afternoon. That was so good. It's D-Day. It's time for you to decide I am not going back to that
camp anymore. I'm not going to stay in the land of Egypt and believe the lies that God isn't
going to come through for me anymore. I'm going to partner with the truth that God is on my side.
He's working even when I can't see it, that I am a bride because he's called me and he's positioned
me and he's preparing me. And I'm going to receive the promise. I'm going to receive the fullness
of the promise, every good gift that he had for me from before he even formed me in the womb.
That's the God that we serve. But so often, again, we struggle to let go of the less than
that we're holding on to. Even some of you, you know, the less than is the areas of temptation
and sin that we're still struggling with. But yeah, we're asking God to give us this beautiful
marriage and relationship. But these things over here, they're just taking up all this room.
And God's asking you, will you surrender that? Will you surrender that and start to believe that
I'm good? Start to see that I want to bless you and I want to anoint you and I want to lead you
into the land flowing with milk and honey, with every good thing and even things greater than we
could ever imagine you all. That's where he wants to lead us. Psalm 31 16 says, let your face shine
on your servant. Save me in your unfailing love for thy mercy's sake. That unfailing love there
in the Hebrews actually means goodness, kindness, faithfulness, merciful. So I'm going to read it
again to you. Let your face shine on your servant. Save me in your goodness. Save me in your kindness.
Save me in your faithfulness. I want you to just, again, just imagine everything good that God is
that just literally emanates from him to us, that as he turns his face towards you, his servant
tonight, Leslie, Gabriella, Lydia, that as he's turning his face towards you, he's literally
encompassing you and everything good that he is. We're going to keep going. We're going to look more
at what the Bible says about this unfailing love, and I'm going to show you all several different
layers of it tonight. Psalm 32 verse 10 says this, many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's
unfailing love surrounds those, excuse me, surrounds the one who trusts in him. Unfailing love again
is mercy shall encompass about them. So those that trust in the Lord, this word surrounds
actually means to turn about, to be around, to be aside, to be back, to be towards, to go about or
around, to surround or encircle you. So again, I want you to kind of imagine not in this harsh
scary way, but God encircling you and surrounding you with his love. You know, the Bible talks about
hiding us under the shadow of his wings and in the presence of the almighty, like God, that isn't
something scary you all, that is literally God saying, I love you so much, my daughter,
as you trust me, I'm going to surround you and head you in on every side with my unfailing love.
His love doesn't fail. It's fail proof, literally,
not height or depth, nor principality, nor power, nor things in
present or things to come can ever separate you from his love if you remain in it. That's the
key, ladies. It's if we remain in his love, rooted and grounded in no matter what comes our way. And
you know what? Sometimes life is utterly hard. Sometimes it's full of anxiety and fear. I know
the struggles that some of y'all are facing. I've walked where some of you are right now,
where it's like, why hasn't this worked? Why isn't it? You know, again, I was in that
situationship because that's what I was in. I wanted him to commit. I wanted him to commit.
The guy was not healthy enough to commit, nor was he mature enough, marriage minded or masculine.
He acted rough and tough. Could beat anybody up. He always wanted to fight everybody. You all know
that is not masculine. Okay. That's divine masculine, out of balance and all fragmented
and broken. There was a little boy on the inside trying to prove himself and I don't judge him.
Y'all, I really don't because I know why he is the way he is. And I feel, you know, brokenness
for him. I hope that one day for my, my spiritual daughter's sake, that he truly gets delivered
and set free from that stuff. It could change his whole life. So as we keep going, I want you to be
thinking about, even in your own failures, God, he like is willing just to continue as you trust me.
I'm going to surround you. I'm going to envelop you with my love. Psalm 33 verse 5, 8, excuse me,
5, 18 and 22. I'm going to show you again in the same chapter. There's these different layers of
this unfailing love. The Lord loves righteousness and justice. This is verse 5. The earth is full
of his unfailing love. In this scripture, it is of the goodness of the Lord. So if the earth is full
of the goodness of the Lord, then why do we believe we can experience it?
Sit with, I just want you to sit there for a minute in that.
If you believe that you don't experience the goodness of God or can't, why is that what you
believe? If the earth is full of it, verse 18, but the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him
on those who hope whose hope is in his unfailing love. In this verse, it actually means mercy.
The eyes are of the Lord are on those who fear him on those whose hope is in his mercy. Do you
believe that he's merciful to you? Or do you believe that he's up there with his gavel,
just waiting to bring judgment down on you? Y'all, these are real lies. We believe,
but we've got to ask, where did they come from? Verse 22, may your unfailing love be with us,
even as we put our hope in you. Unfailing love here means mercy and goodness.
He's combined them both now into one word. His mercy and his goodness can be ours.
There's a song called Sparrows. You guys, many of you have probably heard it. I'm going to read
some of the lyrics over you really quickly tonight. And I want you just to really be
about what it's saying here and the things that you need and the things that you want
and how much God wants to provide for you even more than the sparrows.
The sparrow's not worried about tomorrow or the troubles to come. The lily's not thinking about
the seasons, the drought, or the flood. A tree that's planted by the water isn't fazed by the
fire. So why should I be? Because you take good care of me. You take good care of me. You know
what I need before I even ask a thing. And you hold me in your hands with a kindness that never
ends. I'm carried in your love no matter what the future brings. Yeah, you take good care of me.
The sun's not worried about the winter because soon it will pass. The light's not thinking about
the darkness or the shadow that it cast. A heart that is planted in forgiveness doesn't dwell in
the past. So why should I be? Because you take good care of me. You take good care of me. You
know what I need before I even ask a thing. And you hold me in your hands with a kindness that never
ends. I'm carried in your love no matter what the future brings. Yeah, you take good care of me.
I want you to be thinking right now even about, you know, last week we talked about forgiveness,
ladies, and how important it is to obey and choose to forgive because we've been forgiven.
given. That part of the lyric there, a heart that's planted in forgiveness doesn't dwell in
the past. So why should I be? I want you to be thinking about the reality is that when we dwell
on the past and the broken promises, and we just keep dwelling on them versus healing from them and
moving forward, you're allowing yourself to live below the potential and the blessings that God
has for you. God is calling us to come out of these fear postures, these lack postures, orphan
mentalities, limiting beliefs that I'm never going to get what I want or need. And for some of you,
it's because you genuinely did not get your needs met. Not just things that you wanted,
like some of you didn't actually even get your needs met as a child. Basic love and care.
And some of you experienced that with a former spouse or someone else.
And God wants to show you that that was not his plan for you.
His plan was good and it was full of life and hope. And then trauma entered your world.
And that broke his heart. So on that note, why is this time any different for you? Some of you,
that's what you battle every day. Well, this hasn't worked for me before, so I don't even know
if this is going to be any different. I don't even know if I really should do this heartwork because
I don't even know if it's going to matter. Some of you have done heart healing before
and you still feel like you're struggling. And so the enemy is just trying to convince you to quit.
I was there. Of course he wants us to quit. But if you keep going, I believe that you will be
just a totally different person at the end of this process. And in the months ahead,
you're going to start to see things different about yourself. So why is this time different?
Because I believe by faith that you are different. That every single one of you, every day that
you're in this heartwork course, you are becoming someone brand new and you're unbecoming those
counterfeit identities that you've been living into. And so it's going to be different because
you're going to be different. So you're going to choose differently, I hope, and we pray.
For those of you that might blow through and you won't fully apply the course, you might
struggle and flounder and you might make some choices that aren't the best for you still.
But for those of you, you know, you really stay the course and you allow the community to come
around you and you really listen to the things the coaches are saying to you, even beyond this
heartwork course, when you're dating someone and we're like, hey, this guy doesn't seem healthy
for you and you listen to what we're saying, it could change your whole life.
Ecclesiastes 3.1 in the message version says this,
there's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth.
We believe God has divinely drawn each one of you here for such a time as this.
That God has brought you here to prepare you. He put a promise in your heart for
a covenant relationship, not just romance, a covenant, healthy, whole relationship.
Not perfect. Y'all, there's a difference. There are no perfects, but healthy and whole
and a blessing. That's what God has for you. So heart change equals life change.
Real and lasting change is a process. The process that you are in right now is so
important. So remember what I said a little bit ago, don't give up, stay in the game.
When the enemy tries to get you into isolation to pull away from the community, I want to encourage
you, don't pull away. Don't listen to him. Lean in, come into the group. Those times that he's,
he's trying to convince you to quit or that, you know, that person didn't even respond to your
posts, y'all, those little things. I know, you know, someone doesn't respond in the timeframe
that you think they should. And we just hear all these lies. I'm not seen. Nobody ever sees me.
My voice doesn't matter, but here, stay in the game, do the process. And the life change that
will happen is going to change so many other things for you.
Sorry, y'all. I just don't want to forget what I wanted to say to you.
So part of the problem for us as well, as we live in a culture where it's microwave,
you know, it's go through the drive-through, everything is fast, fast, fast, and it's not fast
enough. I don't know if y'all have ever done this before, but I did this recently. Thankfully,
I didn't say anything to anybody, but in my head, I was thinking these things.
I'm in the drive-through and, you know.
Oh, it wasn't super speedy in that moment.
And I was in a hurry.
And I remember thinking like,
man, what's taking them so long?
Y'all, it really wasn't that long.
It was that I was in a hurry.
And as soon as I had that thought in my head,
man, what is taking, I'm looking in the,
you know, you look in the window like, where are they at?
Where are they at in there?
What's taking so long?
I know some of y'all do too,
because I see you laughing.
But anyways, the Holy Spirit said to me,
well, it's not really taken so long, Bethany.
And I was like, hmm, you're right.
It's not.
I'm gonna simmer down.
I'm just gonna be thankful for this moment to pause.
I'm gonna thank the Lord for these people
that are making my coffee right now
that I don't actually need.
It's just something I wanted.
And I'm gonna be blessed in this moment
because I'm not in a rush right now.
I don't have to be in a rush.
I was choosing, yes, sometimes my schedule is very full,
but I don't have to live in an internal rush state of mind
that then pours out onto other people.
So I'm giving that to you for free too,
because for some of you, God's wanting you to slow down.
He wants you to be thankful for the pause moments,
to be a blessing to the people that are serving you.
And we can come out of alignment of,
I have to have everything super fast.
So why am I saying that to you?
Well, because so often people don't want the process,
even in the heart work.
People don't even wanna go into the next phase
and actually have to learn how to date healthy.
They just wanna go into the dating and do it by themselves
and they go MIA.
So you all, I'm telling you now, don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't be one of those people.
Stay engaged.
Cause those are the ones that literally learned so much
and they avoid pitfalls and these guys
that just are up to no good.
They're just up to no good.
And we can say to you, hey, this guy's up to no good.
Bless and move on, okay?
But if you just disappear and you go off on your own again,
thinking, okay, I got my healed heart
and now I'm just gonna go out and DIY this part of it
and try to do it all by yourself
without the additional tools,
I'm telling you, it's a pitfall.
There's gonna be all kinds of landmines
that you don't even know you're about to enter.
And so be thinking about that,
prepare your heart for that now.
Cause I'm not just trying to convince you,
I'm telling you, I've been through this.
Community was a game changer for me.
It helped me really recognize,
in the past I just kept picking the wrong people.
And I remember literally saying to my counselor
before I came into this program,
there's somebody I was working with,
my picker is broken.
She asked me why, why I felt like I needed a counselor.
I said, well, I think I literally said to her,
I think my picker is broken.
I keep picking these really unhealthy people
and I don't know how to stop.
And that's what I said to her.
And so she started working with me.
And that was before, again,
God was having me work with her to prepare me
before I even came into the heartwork.
And then God brought me here.
So for those of you,
I really want you to be thinking and praying about,
you know, these areas where you're trying
to just be in a rush and maybe missing the process
and the promise that is encapsulated in the process.
Okay.
I'm gonna have Annette share a couple things as well.
And then we're gonna keep going.
There we go.
It took me a minute to unmute.
That's all right.
So for those of you that don't know as well,
Annette Lewis is one of our peer coaches in the community.
And so we're so blessed to have her here with us tonight
to share as well.
It's good to be back.
I had to miss last week.
Actually, I got to spend some time with my husband,
which was fabulous.
So I'm glad to be back this week.
One of the things that as I was thinking about
and asking God for help,
what he wanted me to share about,
one of the things that will always stand out to me
is when I was growing up, my physical needs were met.
We had a roof over our head.
My parents both worked.
So our basic needs were met.
But as far as emotional needs and nurturing
and encouraging and supportive environment at home,
that wasn't there.
So I often was left feeling like if I needed anything
or wanted anything, I needed to make it happen
or I needed to try to figure it out.
And so honestly, I still struggle with that sometimes now.
I'll run ahead of God a little bit,
trying to figure it out.
And he always comes along and shows up.
me like, if you just will wait for me, I've got the answer. I
can show you. And an example that I always go back to when
I'll, and I'll think I'm doing that. And again, God, aren't I?
When Arthur and I first started dating, there was something
deeply personal to me that I wanted to talk to him about. And
I, I really had thought about it all along in the time that I was
dating. But would be like, I don't know when the right time
is to have the conversation. I don't want to be too vulnerable
upfront. This is important to me, it may not be important to
them, it may be a game changer to them. And so I would mull it
over trying to figure it out on my own. And trying to think, you
know, have all the answers for myself. And not too long after
Arthur and I started dating, he said, there's something I really
want to talk to you about. I was like, Okay, you know, let's talk
about, we'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. And then he
actually ended up leaving to drive back to Canada. And when
he I said, you didn't talk to me about what he goes, I know, I
wanted to talk to you about it on the phone, so that I wasn't
there. And I was like, Okay, and I was really nervous. Like, what
is he going to talk to me about? What is he going to say? And do
you know that the exact same thing I wanted to talk to him
about that was important to me, that could be a game changer for
somebody was the exact same thing. He wanted to talk to me
about that could be a game changer for me. And if it wasn't
important to me, then it would be a deal breaker for him, just
like it was for me. You guys, I worried about it for months, in
different dating relationships. And then I showed up in com and
because Arthur started the conversation first, I was able
to say, I'm so glad that we're talking about this, because I
just didn't know the right time to have the conversation. And I
always go back to it now. And remember that if I just leave it
at God's feet, and trust in him, that he loves me, he cares for
me. And he's in the details. Even before he brought Arthur
and I together, he was already working out that, that
conversation. And I was worried about the details. And God had
already gone before me. And he had everything worked out for
both of us. But we chose to be worried about it, and try and
figure it out on our own. And, and we spent a lot of time
worrying that we didn't need to worry about if we would have
just rested in the peace and presence of God, that he's in
the story, he's in the details, he's interested in the things
that are important to our hearts. And he cares for us, we
don't have to try to provide it on our own. Yeah.
And I'll go, I go back and think about that, no matter how little
something is, I can take it to God. And I've even prayed about
parking spots in the rain, I've got natural curly hair, I don't
want to run in the rain into a building, I want something
close. And I'll and it sounds crazy. But there's even
sometimes when I'm like, a spot right up front. So I love that.
That's,
y'all he's in the big things and the small things. That's what I
hear out of what is sharing right now. And it's super
important for y'all to understand that. I'm Amy is
saying is it ever? Is it ever super hard to articulate what
exactly you need? Because you're so used to having to figure it
out on your own? Yes, I think so. I think that part of the
process there is asking God to help you know yourself. Like to
really get to know what are your needs? What are your wants? Some
of you haven't dreamed of things that you want in so long, like,
um, I had a lady this afternoon that was sharing, you know, she
has a dream to have a house built, and all this stuff that
she's wanting in the house or needs in the house. And, and
she's been hearing lies, like, you know, basically, you're too
old for this to even for this dream to come to pass and, you
know, some other things. And so, you know, some of you are going
to start to have dreams bubble up in you. And the enemy is
going to try to come quick and steal that. But we got to guard
that stuff. And
You got to really allow that to percolate
and come to the surface.
And the more that you heal,
the more that you should most likely experience
some of that, okay?
So as we start to move forward,
we're getting ready for breakout sessions.
This is not your question for breakout,
but I do want you all to be talking to the Lord
about this question this week.
And here's the question.
Where do you currently need an upgrade
in your understanding of God's care for you?
So this week, I want you talking to the Lord about it,
meditating on this.
Where do you currently need an upgrade
in your understanding of God's care for you personally?
Not your sister, not your mom, not your friend, but for you.
And so spend some time talking to him
about that this weekend.
And ladies, I want to encourage you
to get really honest with yourself, okay?
Now, here's your question for the breakout session tonight.
We're going to talk about the broken promises.
When was a time someone broke a promise they made to you
and how is it still affecting you today?
When is a time someone broke a promise that they made to you
and how is it still affecting you today?
We had a lovely sister bring up this afternoon
that it actually wasn't someone else
who broke the promise to her,
but she broke some promises to herself.
So I'm throwing that out there
for y'all to talk about that if that's you.
And it's more the promises that you've broken
that have harmed yourself that you need to talk about.
That's okay too.
So I just want to make sure everybody knows that.
Let me get these breakout sessions ready for you.
It's going to be great.
Some of y'all, you know, you're brand new.
You're not going to know the person in the room with you,
but you're going to get to know them tonight.
This is how sisterhood grows.
And this is how new friendships can be formed.
All kinds of good stuff can happen here, okay?
We're going to do this for eight minutes tonight.
Make sure I got this set right.
Okay, go ahead and click.
That's going to be up on your screen.
Click to join those as quick as you can.
Remember not to try to fix each other, just share.
There we go.
Give me a moment, ladies.
I'm going to try to get people switched around here.
12.
11.
Almost there.
Bear with me.
I'm going to make sure all these rooms are,
just got some people by themselves still sitting here.
Okay, she's going to have to bump too.
Okay, I think I got everyone.
Let me just double check these.
Father, thank you so much.
As I'm kind of glancing over these rooms again,
for everyone that's here, that's in the breakouts,
those that are in the main room,
God, those that are going to watch the replay,
thank you that you are working in ways beyond yourself.
And God, thank you that you are working in ways
beyond what we could ever ask, think or imagine.
God, I thank you that you would renew their understanding
of you as a good father tonight,
who is faithful to your word,
that you are a promise keeper,
that you're not a man that you should lie,
that you have good things in store for them,
and that you are preparing them for the promises
that you have for them in the days ahead.
God, we thank you that you would continue to transform them
by the renewing of their minds,
that all old things have passed away,
and behold, everything is becoming new and new.
We thank you, God, that you're just showing us the areas
where we need to come out of alignment and agreement
with the lies of the enemy, with lack, with doubt,
with unbelief, with fear,
which is false evidence appearing real.
We thank you, God, that you're showing us your goodness
and your truth more every day.
Hi, Stacy and Saruthi.
I think that might be how you say it.
I'm not sure if I said that wrong.
Did you all get kicked out of a room
or are you all just joining us?
If you're just joining us, I can put you in a room
or I'm not sure if you came out of one.
Or if you can't go on breakouts, that's fine.
You can hang out here.
You can put that in the chat for me
so that I know if you're not able to unmute.
So father, just thank you also for just continuing to, um, as I've asked the ladies to meditate on this week to give us an upgrade in the understanding of your constant care and love for us, God, thank you that you're, um, even right now, intricately weaving deals, details, and moving things around to, um, the word that's coming up in my spirit is coordinate them for these surprises and blessings that are in store.
Lord, I thank you.
Um, Lisa, did you get kicked out?
I see that Wendy's by herself now.
Think some, some people are having some internet issues or something.
Maybe.
Sorry, ladies.
I keep going in and out of prayer, but I'm seeing some people sitting by themselves.
It's okay.
Did you get kicked out?
Lisa having sound trouble?
It's okay.
Yeah, it's okay.
I don't.
Oh, I see.
You have no audio.
It's okay.
It says she has no audio.
You can stay here with us.
I moved the lady around, so she's okay.
All right.
Father, thank you for just even comforting Lisa man.
Technology sometimes is such a blessing, but it can also be really stressful at times.
And so Laura, just thanks for just relieving any tension and just God, even in this, that you, um, you're caring for Lisa and anybody else really well.
God, we thank you that you're giving us everything that we need.
So Lord, I pray that if there's any area where people have broken promises to Lisa or any of the other ladies that maybe couldn't get into a breakout room or the technology was causing issues, God, that you would just come into those areas and places.
Where the broken promises existed, God, and you would just come and breathe healing, uh, and grace over those areas, God, and that you would just, um, just come with your gentle touch and the power of your spirit.
And, uh, place the balm of Gilead upon those areas.
And we just thank you, God, that you would, um, also just tonight, a message that I heard is just about faith.
God, I pray that you would give us all the gift of faith to believe in your promises for us.
God, that we wouldn't believe the lies of the enemy that caused us to, um, believe the other shoe is going to drop, that we're not going to really be able to rely on you, God, or anybody else.
And Lord, we just, we just come against those lies in Jesus name.
And we take those thoughts captive and we cast those down and we choose rather to believe what the word of God says about us, about our situations, about the things that you have for us.
Lord, we thank you, God, that you are preparing our hearts to, yeah, Lord, make room for the new that you desire to give us.
Just like, um, you know, I always love to go back to that Isaiah 43, 19 verse that talks about, you know, I'm doing something new.
Do you not perceive it?
I am bringing rivers in the wasteland and streams in the desert.
He's bringing life and, and healing and resurrection power to every area of our lives.
And we don't have to fear, um, that we're always going to be stuck.
And if we feel stuck, praise the Lord.
It's a, it's a revealing for healing.
It's a signal to an area where we need God's grace.
We need his love to come in and permeate those places.
And that he is always willing and available.
When we turn to him, ladies, when we come to him and we say, daddy, I need you.
Can you help me in this area?
Help me to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing, you know, and you know, the lies that I believe.
And because of this thing that happened, he's like, yes, daughter, I want to help you step into freedom.
And so Lord, we just thank you that the freedom comes as the spirit of truth comes.
So we just ask you, Holy Spirit, just to have your way, uh, tonight in a supernatural way that you would just come in,
bring revelation and truth right to the core of every lie.
And you would just literally abolish the darkness as your light is so evident there.
Lord, I thank you that you would show us all the ways where, um, we have been settling for less than your best,
even in our mindsets and our thought patterns, God, that you're trying to lead us into these.
Um, I'm hearing the Lord say new horizons.
Y'all have you ever just been driving and you just, you come on the crest of a hill and you just see for miles.
And it's so beautiful.
I feel like that's what God's kind of saying tonight.
Like he's leading us into this place where we're coming up on this horizon and there's just all this beauty and awe and wonder in front of us.
Now, some of us may not have eyes to see that because our eyes are still kind of, you know, fleshly and, you know, tangled up with the lies.
And so it, it, again, it causes us to see things differently than what's really there.
But Lord, I pray that you would lift the veil from our eyes and from our hearts.
just like he did Paul. He met Paul on the road to Damascus and transformed him. And then at the end
of those three days, the scales fell off. And so in Jesus name, we're asking for scales to fall off
of eyes and hearts and minds and bodies and spirits and souls tonight, that literally there would be
this massive transformation from the inside out, that we would awaken to something new
that is true in God and that he's doing something really amazing in us. And
ladies, you know, we don't want to despise the day of small beginnings. So some of y'all,
there's some seeds that are getting sewn in tonight that are really good. And they're going
to, they could, they have the potential to grow up and produce a harvest and really cause you to
flourish, but you're going to have to protect the seed. Okay. You're going to have to protect the
seed and fight for that. So some of y'all, that's what it's, you got to fight for the promise,
not war and contend like with God, but, you know, really protect it from the enemy and trust that
you're God defended and God is actually protecting you. Okay. So you're protecting the seed and God's
protecting you and the seed. That makes sense. All right. Awesome. For those of you that have
just been coming back, I've been here kind of getting people situated, praying, talking,
sharing some things, God speaking to me. You can always go back and catch that part in the replay.
We're about an hour in, if you just want to fast forward to that part, because I think it'll be a
blessing to you as well. Welcome back. So glad to have you joining us again from the breakouts. I'm
going to talk to you very quickly about your activations this week. There's two, I'm going to
put again, the post up in the group. I hope the posts have been helping you all. I just started
doing that in the last few months. I feel like we're getting a little bit more traction with that.
And hopefully if you have any questions, you can put it in the comments and we can answer your
questions there. But activation number one, never will I ever list. Okay. What this list is,
is, is we want to not hear just, okay, I'm never going to date anybody that's an addict.
We hopefully, hopefully you're not going to do that. And what I mean by that is someone who's
actively an addict right now, not someone who's had that struggle in their past, but they're
healed and delivered. But so many times we have people that are saying things that, you know,
are kind of more obvious if you will. So the never will I ever list, a lot of times these form
through your trauma, through things that you've gone through and you made a vow, a commitment
on the inside saying, okay, I'm never going to date a person like this ever again, because of
whatever reason you have, whether you realize it or not, some of you, you've passed up good guys
because of your list. And so as you come into the group and share your list, you're going to make
your list first. I'm going to give you some examples here and yours might have some other
things, but as you make your list, I want you to come into the group and post it. And then our,
our team is going to help you process some of those things because, you know, sometimes I'm
just like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are good. Those are good. And then here's this one where I
can tell it's connected to some, something that needs healed. So those are the ones that we're
going to come in and we're going to coach you on, and God will use those mightily in your life as
well. So here are some examples of what we hear. Never will I ever date a man who has been
divorced. Never will I ever date a man who has kids. Never will I ever date a man who has any
kind of financial struggle. Y'all, yes, we want you to be with someone who's financially responsible,
but here's the reality. Myself included, when I came through my divorce, I had debt that I was
paying off. Man, I would have hated for Brian to pass me over because of that. I'm a responsible
person, but there was a whole lot of crap that I went through in my divorce. And then, you know,
other things after that. So I'm just putting that out there for y'all to think about. Maybe some of
you are saying never will I ever date someone I'm not attracted to because you all have these
standards, and sometimes it's the standards that are actually getting you into unhealthy
relationships. And here's the thing, ladies. God isn't going to force you into a relationship that
you are literally going to be tortured by. So let's just get rid of that lie, okay?
But here's the truth. I would not have originally picked Brian, my husband.
I actually passed him by the first time.
And then he kept popping up in my feed. And I sent him to my best friend, and I'm like,
what do you think about this guy? He's kind of handsome. That's what I said. His dog's really
cute. Y'all, no joke. No joke. And then I read his profile, and I liked what his profile said. So I
am one of the dating apps, Crystal.
And y'all, everybody meets people on different dating apps. So just know that God will lead you
to your person where you need to meet them. But so we matched, right? And the first time he came,
he was dressed nice, but he wasn't like dressed super trendy. And I was kind of like,
I don't know if I'm attracted to him. But we had an amazing time. On our first date,
the conversation was really amazing. We did one of those kind of side hugs,
because I was all nervous. And it was awkward. And he asked me on another date before we even
left. And I said, yes. And you all, the second date, if I'm being fully honest, I'm being fully
transparent right now, because it's going to help some of y'all. On the second date,
he was just being very not in a creepy way. But he kind of put his hand on my back a little bit.
And I was like, I don't know if I want people to think we're together here. That's what I was
thinking in my head, you all. I don't know if I told him that one. So nobody tell him that one.
But I might have told him. But I just, I didn't know how I felt about him. And I didn't know if
I was attracted. And is this normal what I'm feeling? And I sat down to dinner that night
with him. And the more that we talked, I thought, and I'm sitting across the table from him. I'm
like, man, he, he is kind of handsome. Like, he's got some nice thing to say here. And my heart
started opening a little bit more. And the more time I spent with him, the more attractive he
became to me. Y'all, it's really a real thing. Okay. All right. So I'm not going to go into that
further. Y'all get a lot. Go ahead, Annette. I was, I was going to say with the never will I ever
list that really resonates with me. And I was just going to share. I literally said never,
ever will I marry a firefighter. I come from a family of firefighters. And that was not for me.
And when Arthur said he was a firefighter, I was like, I'm out. I'm out. And we were having
a conversation on the phone. And as soon as he started talking about it, I was like, okay,
Holy Spirit, I need you because I'm ready to hang up the phone. I don't want to talk to him. He's a
conversation. And I was thankful that God, that Holy spirit led me to stay on the phone because
one of the things he said towards the end of the conversation is firefighting is what I do. It's
not who I am. And that made a big difference for me. So sorry, I wasn't trying to interrupt,
but that list is real. The list is real. It is. It's so real y'all. And, and here Nadine,
she was saying, cause she was raised in a home, home and family with firefighters.
And so you just never know. There's probably a lot of things there, but I'm going to keep going.
So some of us say I'm never going to marry someone that's a pastor or someone in full-time ministry
or like in a nuts, maybe their military police officer, firefighter, name the job.
Maybe you're saying I'm never going to marry or date someone with the name, John, Paul, Mark. I
told this story this afternoon. I'm going to try to keep it very brief so we can keep moving. But
my main abuser, my oldest brother, his name is Brian. So y'all better believe
when God sent me Brian, I definitely asked the Lord, did he really have to have the name Brian?
What's that all about? That's what I literally, like, I literally had this conversation with the
Lord. And he said, I want to redeem the name Brian for you. This is real stuff. You all,
God doesn't want us to be afraid of people because of their name, because of the hurts
that someone else has inflicted upon us. I'm not saying that's going to be your story,
that God's going to send you someone with the same name as someone who hurt you.
But I just want you to know that all God wants is for us to be willing to surrender
the pen fully. Never will I ever date someone with a certain age because my ex was this age or
a certain ethnicity, you know, whatever it is, ladies, let's get it on the list. Let's figure
out, and our team can help you unpack it. So that's activation number one. Activation number
two is dream again. I want to encourage you to start to partner with the truth. I am a bride.
I want you to, you don't have to unmute, but just right where you're at.
I want you to say it with me. I, then say your name.
I'm a bride. I am a bride. I want you to practice saying that around your house
during the day and all the things. And here's the thing, I want you to
say your full name. So I used to walk around my house, I, Bethany Stanko, am a
bride. And it wasn't just something I was saying, you all, with my mouth. I believed
it in my heart because God was talking to me about having faith and really
asking God to help me believe. Now, not only that, here's what I want you to do
with it. In addition to saying it, I want you to activate it even more. I want you
to pray and ask the Lord what you should go buy that is bride gear. Something. It
could be something small. It could be something bigger. You need to pray and
ask God what you are supposed to buy. Maybe yours is a bride mug or a cup or
something. It could be, you know, it doesn't have to be your actual wedding
veil, but it could be like, you know, one of those veils that people get for like
their bachelorette or something. And just on occasion, you put it on and you pray
over yourself and thank God that he has, he's made you a bride and that he's
leading you to your spirit mate. Maybe it's gonna be the shoes that you might
wear on your wedding day or a bride shirt. You know, you guys get what I'm
saying. And then I want you to take a picture of yourself with your bride gear
and I want you to put it in the group. Who's willing to take me up on this
offer? I can't wait to see it. I'm telling you what, when I went through the
boot camp, um, that's what we used to call it, heartwork boot camp. Um, when we
started doing this in the group, you all, it just, it literally, it was like this
huge, like dose of faith and hope, just seeing everybody partnering with their
belief. So we talked about broken promises today and we're going to coach
on it. And then I want you to partner with the promise. Yes, Lord. I just felt
that I want you to partner with the promise that you are a bride. Y'all, we
got to believe it in our soul before we can receive it in the physical eyes to
what the father sees ears to hear what he is saying to you and then partner
with it and activate it and let us see it. All right. I'm so excited. I can't
wait to see what God's going to do through these two activations. You're
going to get set free and, and ways that you can even ask or imagine through
these things. Okay. So who's willing to share with the whole group, what you
shared in your breakout about when was the time someone broke a promise they
made to you? How's that affecting you? Crystal, go ahead. Hi.
Hi. Yes. Mine was recently about six months ago. I was dating a guy and back
in 2019, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. And so when I was dating him,
they said the lymph nodes had increased. And so they wanted to do a biopsy and
thought it was back. So I was like, I can't date this guy. Um, so I told him
and he was like, I want to be there for you. Um, and he was so supportive and it
was everything I wanted to hear from my ex-husband cause my ex-husband could not
be there for me. Um, anyway, it, and then even after we had a point where we, um,
broke up, he said, no matter what happens to us, I still want to be there for you.
And of course he wasn't. And so it was just, and I've, it's so weird because
with this relationship, I've had such a hard time shaking it. Um, and I've done
the soul ties. I've done the forgiveness sheets, you know, blessed him. I've done
everything I know to do to say, Lord, why can't I wash my brain of this
relationship? And I feel like it has to do with something tied to that whole,
cause there was so much trauma in my former marriage. And then, you know, once
I got diagnosed, that was kind of the wake up call. And then, um, I tried to go
back cause I just, I didn't believe in divorce. And, um, he actually ended up,
he said he had a PTSD moment hit me and I said, no, this, I can't stay. And that
was, you know, there was a lot of bad things. And even I put in the chat thing
that I'm having a hard time even thinking of, I would never date. And so it makes
me think too, um, there might be a problem there. Like I should have an, I
would never date blank. Um, I mean, it, it might just, so some of the
stuff to ladies gets really pushed down in us. Okay. So, um,
I would say just a little bit that I've gotten to know you.
And it could be as well because in Christian circles, we're
really kind of taught we're not even allowed to think anything
negative. Okay. Yeah. So there might be some religious stuff in
there that's causing you to actually not even be able to be
honest with yourself sometimes, or to feel like if you have a
thought like that, you just got to get rid of it. Because, you
know, we just can't even have those things. Which isn't true,
okay, because the reality is, is we have those things, we
actually need to acknowledge them. And that's what helps us
heal from it. But, um, that might be something to consider
their crystal.
Well, I'm in week three. And it's so funny. It said at the
beginning, if you're not experiencing anything, maybe
you should go back. So I thought I'm gonna go back. Well, two
days later, I I've just been a crying mess. Yeah. And I'm like,
and even just trying to sometimes connect the puzzle
pieces of and I and I'm in a job where I work with a lot of
grief. So it kind of
well, that makes so much sense to what you're saying. Okay, so
you're in this job where you're working with a lot of grief. So
most people even myself as a heartwork coach, I have to
really guard my heart because if I don't, and this isn't an
unhealthy thing, but just in a healthy way, I could take on
because I'm also very empathetic. Okay, so I'm a big
feeler, I feel things from people, like I could walk into a
room and feel stuff. And so in Harvard coaching, one of the
ways I kind of make sure I don't take people's trauma on to
myself, is to, um, you know, just keep a safe boundary, like
reminding myself, okay, this is where their story ends, and I
begin, right. But when you're it's like, probably two to a
level, if I was in person with you all, and I would feel it
even more, there's another whole level there. So I would say that
there's probably some protective mechanisms that you've put in
place to really kind of help yourself because you're dealing
with grief so often. And so it's not surprising to me that, you
know, in week three, you went to go back, and now you're starting
to feel some of those emotions and things kind of coming up.
And so that's a good sign. That's a good sign. And so just
pray, if you don't come up with your list right now, there's no
pressure for everybody just y'all know, I don't want y'all
avoiding the assignment. But if you're in a situation like
crystal, where maybe those thoughts aren't fully even
coming to you yet, I want you to know there's grace, okay, trust
in God's timing of him revealing things to you. Okay, now on this
situation, I almost think that it's just that it's entangled
with some other things. I actually think that you're
probably over this guy. But because he came in the midst of
kind of that scare coming back up, that I feel like it's just
entangled a little bit with the other things. But the enemy is
trying to convince you that you're you're not over this guy
or that you're not past that. But I actually think that you
are more past it than you realize. But because of the
other stuff that you need to process, it's just kind of
hanging out there. That makes sense. Okay, yeah, yeah. And so
maybe, honestly, processing some of the grief that you've been
having to deal with, because of your job might be a great start.
Yeah, I work in hospice. Yeah. So there's just a lot.
Yeah, yeah. And I'm sure that is a weight that you're carrying
far beyond what you I mean, I'm sure you know, you know, just
from talking to you, I'm sure you have the knowledge that that
is something that, you know, is there. But I'm sometimes we
again, put those kind of protector things up. And so I
would just encourage you to ask the Lord to reveal if there's
any, you know, grief that you've been kind of carrying
subconsciously that came through your job that you need healing
from. Okay, and let's just see what else might come up with
that, as well as when you were diagnosed with the cancer before
because sometimes even though you've processed that, sometimes
stuff can kind of get sucked down into our subconscious
without us realizing because we're going through a very
traumatic time and we go into fight or flight. And so that
stuff kind of gets pushed down. And so those two things I would
I would start there and then let's see what else kind of
percolates to the surface. Okay, thank you. You're welcome.
Thank you. Nari, go ahead.
Hi. Hi. So I just want to start off by saying that I've been
away for a few weeks. And I wasn't going to log on today
because I've just had a lot going on. I just got back into
the country. I'm on week three, I kind of walked away from the
course a little bit, I found myself getting a little bit
overwhelmed. And, and it's interesting, because as soon as
I logged on tonight, everything that you were saying was really
speaking to me. I still really struggle with believing that
like God is on my side and is a good father. Like that's
something I just really struggle with. And I've been doing the
heartwork, but it's just, it's still there. So it's something
that I'm having trouble working through just really fully like
feeling like I can fully surrender and trust in the Lord
and really feel like I have a relationship with him and one
and believe that he wants the best for me. So I find that I
still try to take a lot of control in my life. With respect
to the the question for today. I'm someone that I've done a lot
of inner work, and I feel like I know my boundaries. But the
minute that I enter into a relationship where I have
someone that I'm interested in, I find myself easily kind of
letting go of those boundaries or like self abandoning because
I really like the person. And that's something I really
struggle with. And so the broken promises me breaking the
promise. I'm always doing that. So I'm here now and I told
myself I would come back today and I'd really fully engage in
this because I'm I'm kind of half one foot in one foot out.
So that's where I'm at.
You're doing great. And I just want to say welcome back. Thank
you. I want you to know that you're not alone. And there are
people that have felt the way you felt and they came back to
and they finished and I believe that you will finish as well.
Um, the first thing that I wanted to say is, um, when you
said easily let go of boundaries and break promises
to yourself. Um, when you're talking about that, I was
thinking about a chameleon and how a chameleon will like change
and morph to be in the environment that it's in
because they're trying to kind of exist there survive there if
you will live there. And so I want you to be praying and
asking the Lord to reveal to you the first time that you went
against your values to morph to make someone happy.
Okay, the answer to that. Okay, go ahead. It's definitely from
like when I was a little kid because I grew up in a very
chaotic, unstable home. So I found that I really had to self
abandon and sacrifice and people please because I was trying to
keep the peace in the family. And if I wasn't doing the things
that made my parents happy, then it would be chaotic. So
that's something it's almost like a trauma survival mechanism
that I've developed. And I do and I do struggle with that.
Like, like when you say chameleon, I'm definitely a
people pleaser. All right. And I've worked on that. But it's
still something that comes up a lot for me. Yeah.
So I want to kind of work on the opposite to counteract that
because sometimes what can happen, it's really amazing when
we do healing work. And we focus on these areas where, okay, we
we know that we do this, and we want to stop doing it. And this
is a trauma response that we have. And sometimes the tricky
thing is that people have a hard time coming out of that because
they still haven't fully identified the truth, not only
the truth to replace the lion scripture, but the truth within
themselves. Okay, and so I think it's gonna be really important
for you. How old were you when this like the first time? Do you
think?
I'm probably I want to say like six or seven.
Okay. So this might feel a little funny at first. But I
want you not I want you to do it for your age now too. But I want
you to do it first as a six the six year old version of
yourself. Okay. I want you to, um, I like to give you guys
assignments with eight and a half by 11, because it feels
more doable. If I say a board, then some people get
overwhelmed. So let's just start with an eight and a half by 11
sheet of paper. I want you to think of the opposite of
everything that you gave up. Okay, so if you morphed to
self-abandon and self-sacrifice, I want you to write down what was there before you gave that up.
Okay, so who was the six-year-old version of yourself that went into hiding and became that
chameleon? Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm just writing down what you're saying.
So yeah, I just want to make sure because I don't want it to be confusing for you.
You know, who were you and what were the things that got kind of pushed down with that,
that self-abandon, that self-sacrifice? Was there fun parts of yourself that you didn't feel like
you could be anymore? I kind of hear the word flittering too, like I don't know if you had a
really joyful spirit as a little girl, kind of flittering around, you know, excited and happy,
like free, like I just feel like thinking about even as a little girl aspects of yourself that
were not there anymore as soon as you started kind of morphing to self-sacrifice and self-abandon,
because I want to help you connect your current age with her, okay, before all that stuff came in.
But so often when we don't remember or we don't identify that, and if you have a hard time,
ask the Lord. Ask the Lord to give you a vision of who you were as a little girl before you started
becoming that chameleon, that people pleaser, and denying your own needs or wants or whatever
that looked like for you, and He'll show you. He'll show you a picture of yourself, and sometimes it
might not even look like you. I had a vision God gave me this one time when He was walking me
through some healing. It wasn't exactly the same as this, but it was similar, and I saw a vision of a
little girl with blonde hair, and she was skipping, and I knew God was showing me myself even though
I didn't look like me, and He was showing me that that was who He was going to help me become,
and over the years, God kept giving me. He kept building on that and showing me more things of
that vision, but that meant so much to me, and so I feel like it's going to be a really big
game-changer for you because you've just said it. You've been doing heart work for a long time.
You've been doing this healing, and that's really amazing, but I want to kind of fight against the
fatigue and the overwhelm because I want you just to kind of lean into who were you that got
kind of smushed down during that so that you can partner with her again. Does that make sense?
Yeah, it does. Then as you kind of discover that as that six-year-old version of yourself,
then you can start to, okay, do I live into this now? Do I allow myself to be
creative and fun and vibrant, or do I typically tell myself I just have to follow the rules and
I can't have fun? I'm too busy. I'm too, you know, whatever it is so that you kind of
start to measure, and even though, you know, we're talking about other things here, breaking promises
to yourself, part of the reason we break promises to ourselves, ladies, is because we don't know our
identity. We kind of know it but not really, and so when we don't know our identity, we don't tend
to stick to our values. Does that make sense? Because deep down, we actually don't think we're
worth it. I was just going to say that, like a lot of what you're saying, I think why I do that
is because of the lack of worth that I have in myself. Yeah, so many men as well, okay, this is
not just a female thing, but women especially, we really like take a hit when we go through trauma
regarding our self-worth and our value, especially when there's lies that we're hearing and then we
start telling them to ourselves and we look in the mirror and we don't like what we see or whatever
that is for us, but that really goes back to the core, like our identity when we were younger,
that got, like, it took a hit, you know, and so healing that little girl version of yourself and
really allowing her to come back out to play is going to be a really good kind of reunion moment,
if you will, where you can start to kind of redefine, like, okay, what is my identity? Like,
who did God create me to be? And so be asking God some of those questions, like, you know,
Lord, what is it, you know, in me? Like, what have you put in me that I don't recognize?
Help me to know myself through your eyes, not through the world's eyes, where you start to
really hone in on that core identity of who you are. And some of the sessions coming up,
I'll just give you kind of a teaser. In a few weeks, we're going to be talking about
the real you and helping all of you identify who you really are. Like, not the counterfeit
versions of yourselves, but who did God originally create you to be. And so it's going to be really
good. But I think that's the best place to start, Nari. And then I would love for you to come in
the group and share in that process. If it's hard, come and talk to us about it, okay? It's going to
be really important for you. It sounds like when you start to feel overwhelmed, the enemy tries to
get you to isolate and pull back. And so I don't know if you heard me when I started, I think it
was tonight's session, I was talking about this. I want to encourage you to lean in and really
fight the urge to isolate, okay? Because I feel like the community is going to be a big part of
your healing process too, and really letting yourself be vulnerable and seen. So you did a
great job tonight by sharing out loud. Yeah, you're welcome. I'm glad I came. I am glad you're here too.
Ladies, it's really important, you know, just to even think for a moment, everybody that's here
tonight may not ever be here again at the same time like this. And God brought you all here
divinely tonight for a purpose. So whether you know everybody on this screen or not, or even
the people that are going to watch the replay, God has brought you all here divinely. And it's
really, really powerful. And so thank you everyone for being here tonight. All right, let's see here.
Let's see, Jennifer Godowski. Hi. So one of the things that I shared was that I've known
about for a while, and I've already begun working through it, is all the men in my life, both from
pastoral to my own father, and the men in my family have all abandoned me at one point or
another, and they're not involved in my life. So I've never had anything, a healthy, consistent
male presence. So I don't know what that looks like. So for the person who will be my husband
one day, he'll actually be the first. And one of the things I started doing to work on it is
if any one of the guys I work with at my job, if they ask me, hey, can I help you with that? I let
them, which has been a big help. Yeah, I love that. So I wanted to celebrate that. I think
that's really awesome and amazing that you're practicing letting men help you and that you're
seeing the blessing in that. I think the first thing as well, have you already done forgiveness
prayer sheets for the pastor and your dad? Because those were the first two people you mentioned.
Not yet. I'm finishing up the reading and doing video one. And I want to post those in
the community page, and then I'm going to do that after that.
Okay. And just so you know, it's okay for you to kind of finish that process of those videos. But
as you're processing the forgiveness there on the pastoral and the dad,
I'm just kind of sensing that the pastor, for some reason, almost feels a little more weighty
in my spirit. So I don't know if it's because, you know, pastors tend to reflect typically.
Oh, it is. It is.
Yeah. Like the father, God's heart to us. And we put more weight on them because they are pastoral.
And so when they make mistakes, it's very hard for us to, what's the word I want to use,
kind of reconcile that within ourselves. And so there might be a couple layers to that one,
I guess, is what I'm saying to you. Oh, it is. Because the church I grew up in for
22 years, there was a lot of cliques and a lot of the pastors in that church saw me grow up.
But then there was always this disconnect. I was a black sheep growing up in that church.
And I had a few pastors would see me on the street, and they would purposely avoid me.
Even if I just wanted to say hello and not really bother them, because I know they're in their
private time outside of the church wanting to do everyday things. But it was still very hurtful.
I can't even say hi. What is the big deal of it? And then when my mom got sick with cancer,
and we were still a part of that church, no one on the pastoral staff reached out,
prayed with us, prayed with her. And it's very layered. But my mom and I ended up going to
another church for a little while before we moved to
back up north.
Okay, I'm really sorry to hear that,
that you all went through that
and that you had those experiences.
And so one of the things that is really powerful as well
is that oftentimes where we have experienced hurt
and woundedness, God wants to heal us
through similar types of people.
So for example, hurt in family, healed in family,
hurt in relationship, healed in relationship.
And so in a community with another pastor,
God may bring you to a place where that pastor
will be kind and caring,
and that can redeem some of those situations
from before as well.
And so as you're in those forgiveness prayer sheets,
just make sure that you write specific,
kind of like what you started talking to us about tonight
and forgiving them as you go, super important.
Will do, thank you.
You're welcome, thanks for sharing.
Mikayla, go ahead.
Yeah, so I was actually with Jennifer
and something that I shared was,
as you were talking,
it was just what came to my mind at first was,
I had a friend,
it wasn't necessarily in romantic relationships,
even though I've had stories there,
but it was with a friend like years ago
and we became good friends.
And I remember her saying something to me like,
oh, like I always wanna be there for you
or I always wanna be like your friend.
And she still is my friend to this day,
but I remember we kind of like went to different colleges,
she got married, was in a relationship,
got married kind of younger,
had a couple of kids as time went on
and we just kind of,
there was just kind of a distance there.
And sometimes I would try to reach out to her
and she wouldn't respond,
not because she didn't love me,
but she was just very overwhelmed with life at the time.
And so, it kind of seemed like a small thing,
but I also had another friend,
it was a very similar situation,
like I was like a maid of honor in her wedding.
And so she would call me her best friend,
but then when she got married,
it was like the dynamic change.
So I think that for me,
God's kind of showing me
that sometimes it's like Satan kind of writes
this narrative over those events of like,
oh, well, friendships just never really last
or friendships are just seasonal
or like there is no such thing as like lifelong friends
that you just stay connected with over the years.
And like that friends kind of let you down
or they're not really there for you,
which I know is not always true,
but it's, as you were talking,
it's like a perspective that I've had
because of those experiences.
And I've just realized that,
oh, like that is something that has been in my past
that it's kind of made me view relationships currently
through that lens, so.
Yeah, this is super good insight.
And I really think the Lord is revealing that to you.
There's a couple of things
I do think it's important for me to mention.
So, most of us are lucky if we have,
you know, this many really good friends, okay?
And what I mean by that is like
the people that really know us, okay?
We're really blessed if we even have remotely this many,
let alone, you know, maybe even two, some of us.
I'm doing that really funny,
but just, you know, however many.
And so then the other reality is this,
is that seasons change.
And I remember way back,
I used to feel a lot of deep rejection
when friendships would change and shift.
And I just wanted to keep all of my friends forever.
Now, I do have the best friend I've had my entire life.
I've known her since preschool.
Super thankful for that friendship.
But even in that, you all, the reality is this.
That friend, I love her, I can spend time with her,
and we can just, you know, connect and have fun.
And she genuinely, like, I love her like family.
But I can't talk to her
about a lot of really deep spiritual things.
So that's really tough.
That's always kind of been there.
Now, she goes to church and, you know,
I know that she loves Jesus,
but there's just, it's just different.
And so I'm sharing that with you
because I had to really grow in my understanding
of when seasons change with friends,
unless something negative happens
where I feel betrayed or something,
and I really have to do some heart healing,
like, I can release them and know
that that is probably happening
so that God can bring me something new, okay?
And when in the past, I didn't believe that,
I would feel so much rejection and so.
much like abandonment, because I had all these abandonment wounds
when I was younger, and that those things just fed right into
that. And so I just wanted to mention that. So if you struggle
with any kind of feelings of rejection or abandonment, it
could be because there might be something in your own, like core
growing up time that needs some healing. But just that we can
kind of hold things a little more loosely, ladies. And it
doesn't have to be a friend that lasts your whole life, but
that we can trust that the friendships that we need in
every season that God will provide those. And where we can
start partnering with that kind of, like thinking about friends
in our life and, and all of that, and it can it can really
help us, you know, approach it from a healthier place. Okay.
So, but for you, I feel like a cycle has kind of been starting
to kind of perpetuate itself. And so I'm, I want to encourage
you to ask the Lord, these two friends you mentioned, okay, I
want you to ask him, was there any other friends in your life
even before these friends, where you were being more of a friend
to them than they were being to you? Because that's actually
what I heard you talking about, whether you realize or not. And
so that's my classic. That's, that's me. Okay. Is that how it
is in romantic relationships as well?
Sometimes it can be. Yeah. I'm the character nurturing
together one. Yeah.
Okay. So sometimes in life, when we've got gone through a lot of
things, and we can become these amazing givers and protectors and
all this stuff. It's just beautiful. It's amazing. But
that can can get overextended. Okay. And then we don't have
boundaries. And then we're kind of pursuing these people always
trying to make them be our friends or follow up with us or,
you know, we're like always checking on them. But then we're
feeling sad and resentful on the inside because they're not
reciprocating that. Well, a lot of times it's because we're
putting expectations on them. Because of how we are, when
they've already shown us that that isn't the kind of friend
that they can be. And it doesn't mean that they were never that
friend, maybe they were that friend in the past, but in this
current season, if that is not the kind of friend that they are
capable of being, instead of us trying to chase that down, that
we would kind of release that it doesn't mean we can't, we won't
still be friends or that we won't still be kind, but that we
can release that and say, okay, Lord, like, you know, and
acknowledge if we feel sad, feel the feels so that we can heal
the, you know, all those feels. But Lord, just, man, I'm really
bummed about this friend, but I'm just going to release her.
And Lord, if, if you have someone in this season, new for
me that can really run the race with me, help me to receive that
friend, and, and have a connection where we're both
giving, we're both giving and we're both taking it's flowing,
you know, it's not just this one sided, take, take, take, take,
take, or they're not engaging at all. And we're just trying to
pursue, pursue, pursue. Does that make sense? Yeah, that's
great. And some of us same thing, again, in romantic
relationships, we get into those. And that person like that
situationship I was in that I told you all about earlier, I
was pursuing him like nobody's business. But he, he literally
was never in it. I can honestly say it, it's really hard to, to
really look at that. But he was never in it from day one. Six
years I spent trying to convince him to love me. Praise the Lord,
God's a redeemer of time. And he gives us that back. God has
absolutely, radically, totally given that back to me. So let's
look at was there a friend before these friends that you
went through that stuff with, where that was the root of, you
know, these things showing up? Or was this situation with these
two friends? Is that where it started? Because we want to get
to where did it start? And maybe it might not even be with a
friend, it might have been with a family member where you were
just giving, giving, giving, giving, you know, so just be
really open to what the Lord shows you. But it might even
been a little friend, you know, when you're in elementary
school, like I know it sounds like a little crazy, but we can
even start these cycles when we're that little. Okay, thank
you. That's very helpful. Thank you. You're welcome. And ladies,
you know, again, let's go back to the value. What
are we worth? What is our value? Well, we're worth somebody
loving us and investing on us, but let's do it mutually. Okay.
Alright, so we're at 940. I have 2345678 ladies who have their
hands up and I know I'm not gonna be able to get through
you all. Okay. So I'm gonna just say out loud right now because I
can't say on past 10 tonight, that if I don't get to you,
please do not get your feelings hurt. Okay, let's come into the
group and put your post in there and I will coach you in
there. Because I want to hear what you have to say and so does
the community and I want you like it's really important for
you to know that. But I genuinely I know I won't get
through all of you in the next remaining moments that I have.
Let me go to Chrissy next.
Hi. Hello. Can you hear me? Yes. Okay, great. So it's my first
night first time on here. I've only been signed up for like a
week. I didn't automatically have a person in mind. So I in
my breakout room, I sat and I listened to the other woman
first. Shalonda, I think was her name. I don't remember. I'm so
sorry. And then she asked me a question, which I don't remember
the actual question. But I do remember that the person that
came to my mind was my grandmother. And so I told her
about, Shalonda, thank you. I told her about my grandmother
and that she had gone through some trauma, obviously losing
her son, which was my father when I was little. And then she
lost her daughter, her only daughter shortly thereafter,
which was my aunt. But when you were talking, there was more
that the Lord revealed. She used to call me. We're Brazilian. So
she used to call me Meu Tesouro, which is my treasure. But she
lived more for her dead son and dead daughter than she did for
any of her living family. And it was very apparent, because if
we pulled her out of her environment, even for a day or
two, she would return to herself, and she would be our
grandmother again. But then she'd go right back to it. And
at one point in time, the Lord put on my heart to go drive to
South Florida, pick her up, and bring her up to our service that
we were having that following weekend, because it was going to
be a healing service. And God said, Go get her. And so I did.
And she started to be healed at that time. She was able to walk
without holding on to anybody without anybody holding her. She
began to just let out a shout of hallelujah. And to that point,
she couldn't say anything but crap in Portuguese. So that was
great. And I loved it. And then she returned back to her home.
And it just deteriorated from there. Until finally, she passed
maybe like a year after that, I think. And that's, I think
that's what he was showing me, where I feel like she just left.
Like I wasn't really her treasure. I'm sure there's more
to it more to that. But that's what I got so far.
Thank you for sharing that with us. I'm really sorry to hear
about all the loss and your family. And as you were talking,
just to give you a little more clarity on something with your
grandma. I believe the Lord has shown me that part of what
happened is when she felt alive again. It was more painful for
her than to be in her grief. And because feeling alive again
means she's allowing her heart to be at risk again. And in your
process of forgiving her, because that's what you're going
to need to do, you're going to need to do a forgiveness prayer
sheet.
for your grandma, and really ask the Lord what all you need to forgive her of, but I
believe you're going to need to forgive her for not choosing to live.
But also the other thing the Lord was saying to me is that this wasn't just grief.
This was despair.
So you know in the book of Ruth, it talks about Naomi, and Naomi had lost so many losses
you know, her husband, her sons, two sons, and the depth of what she felt, she literally
named herself like Mara, bitterness, like that was her lot.
That's what she believed.
That was how she was going to live out the rest of her life, and but God had something
else planned, and he brought, you know, he used Ruth to bring that to pass, and that
changed Naomi's life.
But the reality is, is that not everyone chooses to live, right?
And so as you're processing this, I think you were her treasure.
I do.
I think that she was caught between the tension of death and life, and if she chose to live,
you know, there's a lot of people that when they lose so many loved ones, that they actually
feel guilty for living.
And so I'm just, that's the third thing that just came up in my spirit, and so just trying
to bring some more like knowledge and like kind of revelation and insight to that situation
so that as you forgive her, you know, you can really start to be at peace with the truth
that I think she did love you.
I don't know your grandma.
I don't know the situation, but I think she genuinely meant what she said.
But when she was faced with the level of grief that she was facing, I don't know that she
knew how to continue to show you that.
Does that make sense?
But in that, as we're relating this also to God, keeping his promises, the fact that you
also share that you lost your dad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that you shared that as a part of the story tonight.
So I want to encourage you to be praying around the loss of your dad.
And if there are any remnants of when he passed, where the enemy might have come in and lied
to you about, you know, that God isn't good or that, you know, God doesn't care about
you or your family.
Or even when your grandma wasn't choosing to live that, you know, if God, if you were
really good, you would just snap her out of this stuff or you would just heal her and
set her free.
And, you know, where we really start to project things onto God when people aren't choosing
the healthy path.
And sometimes they want to choose it.
I really feel like it's important again.
I don't know your grandma, but I, I think she did want to, but I just think she was
so deep in the grief and the despair.
It becomes like a cloak on some people, like literally they don't know how to come out
from under it.
And again, choosing to live, they feel shame for it sometimes.
And so I believe God's going to give you a whole new level.
I think you already have it, but I think he's going to give you a whole new level of compassion
for your grandmother and that you can bring redemption on her behalf as you live.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense because she, especially the, the guilt for living because
she was in the car in the accident where her daughter died, my aunt, my aunt was driving
and she was driving them to the airport as a matter of fact.
So that makes a lot of sense.
Also, funnily enough, I guess my mother's name is Noemi and her name was Martha.
Wow.
So, man, we hit on some really big things there.
I mean, I would have had no clue that your grandma was driving that car.
So God sees this whole situation and he wants to bring healing and peace to your, to your
soul regarding your grandma and the situations that have taken place.
And this is just the beginning for you.
Yeah.
And you are God's treasure too.
And he hasn't forgotten.
Yeah.
Thank you for sharing.
I'm so glad that you were here tonight.
Thank you.
I'm glad.
too, because I went to my workout and it lasted longer than it should have.
And, uh, I almost forgot.
So I was listening in the car on my way home.
So glad God always helps us remember.
And he brings us to places that, that we need ladies.
Let's keep trusted in him saying, thank you so much for sharing.
Uh, Yash, go ahead.
Sorry, I was on mute.
So my sharing was, uh, with, uh, with Megan.
So, uh, it was actually with regard to, uh, the relationship I had, uh, about
six years ago, uh, and not ago for six years long, and it was on and off, on
and off, uh, but what happened was like when things were not working so great,
I decided to leave the relationship and I moved countries.
So, but still for all, we remained friends and we were, I mean, at one point I
thought, you know, something could work out and I was actually receiving words
of confirmation from my Christian friends.
You know, you've been praying for him, things would work out and things would
change, uh, then, uh, fast forward to this year.
Um, I decided that I need to go to the country that he also moved countries.
So I decided to go to that country that he is, uh, living actually, because
some of my friends are also there.
So I went with kind of my other few of my friends over there.
Um, but then I meet him and then I find out that he's been living with his
girlfriend for the past two years.
Right.
So, and that kind of broke my heart, even though I don't know whether I should
have waited that long to have hope for him, about him.
Uh, but I think what I, when you talked about broken promises, I know this is not
God's fault, but I think what happened was when I received those words of
confirmation, I mean, I held on to that more than I should have spent time with
God and asked for whether it's from God or not.
And I'm just trying to heal from that if it makes sense.
And because of that, um, I kind of, uh, not keep promises to myself.
If that makes sense.
Yeah.
So that's what I'm struggling with these days.
Um, so here, let me say something that's really important.
You all.
Our friends love us and they want the best for us.
And sometimes they even pray things to encourage us and things that aren't
healthy because they want something good for us.
And so we need to be really careful about, it doesn't mean your friends can't pray
for you, but I just want you to be careful about, um, where you're getting
your encouragement and your words from the Lord from, because again, sometimes
people in our flesh, we have a hard time keeping our emotions and our feelings out
of it.
Okay.
So, um, the best thing that you can do, I'm really sorry to hear that he was
still, you know, he was living with his girlfriend and, you know, remaining,
keeping this door open with you.
Cause I think that wasn't healthy for him to do.
Um, and so I want to acknowledge that as well.
Um, and so my question to you is, are you all still connecting as friends?
Uh, you mean the guy or yes, the guy?
No, no, no.
I mean, I just kind of, you know, that's great.
That's what I was hoping for.
Um, and so, um, in the future, I think as well, um, really asking yourself.
Um, key, important questions.
Like when we're in relationships, just like I was in that one, you know, trying
to pursue and trying to make that happen.
Like when things are on again, off again, like what, let's ask ourselves, what,
why are they on again, off again?
Like what's going on inside of us?
Like, Lord, is there something that I'm not willing to pay attention to here
that keeps repeating itself, which leads us back to the breakup time.
Okay.
And then, um, at the core, when you say you're kind of lost yourself some
because of this, um, and breaking promises to yourself, I would encourage
you kind of like a little bit of what I was telling Nari, where you start to
rediscover who you are and what is God's plan for you?
What are the values that you have?
Like I made this list, ladies.
I'm not kidding.
I wrote out every single one of my values and I hung it up in my pantry
so that when I opened it every day, I would read what my values were.
One of my values being, I will not have sex outside of marriage.
Why did I do that? Because I needed to remind myself that that was one of my values that I was not going to cross ever again.
And I had other things listed on there that I wasn't going to deny my own needs in a relationship ever again.
And so those were things that I started building my value list and I would pray and like,
what else do I value about myself, about relationships, about God?
And I would add to that list as I went.
And I just kept that before myself because it's just like the Bible says, keep the vision plain.
Well, I needed the vision to be plain in front of me about my values, where I would see it and read it and agree with it.
Not just that it would be there and it'd be this piece of paper like, oh, yeah, do my thing, forget about it.
But literally when I would open that, I got into this habit.
I would pause and I would read my value statements out loud over myself.
This is what I value. This is what I'm not willing to budge on because this is what God is saying to me.
And I would just talk to my own spirit, just like, you know, David and in the Bible, it says he talked to his own spirit.
Why are you downcast on my soul? Well, why do you think he talked to his spirit?
Because our soul and our spirit, they needed some talking to sometimes.
And when we speak over our own selves, y'all, there's just something about hearing our own voice, speaking truth to ourselves.
That it gets it really deep down in.
And so I want to encourage you all to be thinking about that, investing in that and praying about it.
Now, we're not going to be super rigid ladies and harsh towards ourselves.
We're going to have grace.
But I believe that when you partner with God, I believe by your grace that you can empower me to stand by my values.
No matter what comes, no matter how hot or sexy some person is.
Yep, I just said it. You can stand by your values even when they're hot and sexy.
Okay, you can. We all can.
We can walk in the fruit of the spirit of self-control.
We can learn how to grow in that fruit of the spirit.
The spirit is what enables us and empowers us to make the right choices in every situation.
So Yash wasn't talking about that, but I felt led to add that in there for everybody.
All right.
Yeah, when they're godly, hot and sexy, Laura, it's even harder.
Tell you what, as I got closer to engagement time, y'all, it got harder and harder to be careful about that stuff.
And so we had all kinds of boundaries and guardrails we put in place.
I had to say no kissing allowed.
I couldn't even kiss because when I kissed, I was thinking about things I shouldn't have been thinking about.
So no more kissing.
I think we did that for like four months up to our wedding.
No more cuddling.
Like I couldn't even lay close for real.
I'm talking real talk right now.
But, y'all, we did it.
We both fought for covenant, and it was important to both of us.
And so if I can do it, you can do it, too.
So there you go.
All right.
Yash, thanks for sharing.
Megan, go ahead.
I just wanted to sorry, I need to move into another room real quick.
Just share.
So for me, when I was speaking with Yash, one of the big things that I recognized was that I've had a lot of broken promises with friendships in regards to betrayal.
And a lot of the times when it happens, there's a tendency of manipulation from the other person.
And so it leaves me in a place of feeling very diminished and feeds into the lie that I'm not worthy enough and that, like, people really don't care about me.
And then that makes me feel that, like, maybe God doesn't care much about me, especially in my relationships.
And, I mean, it's definitely come through a relationship.
Oh, try talking again.
I think I lost you right at the end of what you were saying.
I just said I feel like that has happened in a lot of my friendships as of late.
Okay.
So let me ask you a question.
When they manipulate you, can you tell me, like, how does that show up?
What's something that they were doing to manipulate you?
One of the biggest things is, like, they try to make me take on more responsibility than I should.
And that, like, I should be responsible for my own emotions, but I also should be.
I'm taking responsibility over people and I don't think that's the case that it should be or that I should just suck it up and that kind of thing, but just that I need to literally serve people more than I think what's necessary.
And one of the big things I've been trying to learn is how to have healthy boundaries.
And it just feels like they're kind of counteracting that.
Yeah. So these people that this has shown up with them, let me ask you this, do they start manipulating and kind of like asking you to take on other people's emotions when you're not serving their need?
Yeah.
Okay. All right. So were these healthy friendships to begin with?
Most of them, yes. And a lot of them, they were like very much encouragers and stuff during some hard times that I had, but then it like flipped and changed.
So what caused it to flip and change? Like what was the kind of the pressure point?
I think because I got really honest about where I was at and it was something against the unity of a group that I was in that they just felt that that wasn't acceptable and that I needed to just suck it up and not be honest with where I was at.
So in the group setting, were you not comfortable with something they were doing or saying?
I wasn't comfortable with someone in the group specifically. It wasn't the person who manipulated me. It was somebody else.
Okay. So your friend that was kind of being manipulative, she wanted the group to stay together, including this person that you didn't like. Is that what I'm understanding?
Yes.
So that's where the people don't really care about me is coming in because they technically are choosing this other person over you.
So whether we realized or not, this is where kind of the betrayal, rejection, all that kind of starts to kick in.
And then which makes sense that the lie you're hearing is I'm not worthy, but that's not true. We know that's not true.
But at the core, let's ask the Lord to reveal when is the first time the lie I'm not worthy showed up?
Like was it really with just friendships or was that lie already in there and then it got triggered by this treatment of this friends?
And with this showing up more times recently, have these been similar kind of scenarios where you're uncomfortable with someone new that's introduced to a group
and then someone that you already were there with that you were friends with is not standing up for you?
Yeah, it's almost like that my needs never really truly get met.
So like when someone else is almost like abusing me, like then when I try to voice that it's not accepted.
And I know that kind of comes back to my childhood.
I'm the oldest of four and I had to like look after my siblings at a very young age, at the age of like four and five.
And I think also, especially with my dad, I very much was you were like not to be seen or heard and very diminished.
And when I've tried to voice my needs, especially in regards to like encouragement, he would just diminish.
And so I think because the healing needs to happen there.
So we just got to the root Megan. Okay, so that's what just happened there.
So while you are having these situations with your friends, and those are real, and those need taken care of as well.
What just revealed itself is where the core pain is that and that's with your dad.
Okay, so let's ask the Lord to help you process some of that stuff with your dad and the literally neglect that was taking place when your needs weren't being taken care of.
And doing a forgiveness prayer sheet to forgive him.
But I want to make sure that in this process that you're identifying with the Lord, asking the Lord's help, of course.
The different areas where you didn't feel like your needs were being met.
Because you need to forgive your dad for each one of those.
And the diminishing words that he spoke over you forgiving him for each one.
that. Because it sounds like these friends are it's like
they're perpetuating the same thing your dad did. Okay, so
healing from the situation with your dad, it might might not
make those things go away immediately, but it is going to
start to impact how the enemy is coming at you through friends.
So that makes sense. Because he's trying to attack you in
similar ways. And the way that I'm interpreting it just in my
spirit is like people that you feel close to or that you should
be able to trust, turning on you. That's the similarity
there. Okay. And so let us know as you're processing that come
into the group and let's chat more about it because I think
there'll be some more unpacking that we'll need to help you do
okay. All right. Can I just ask like one quick question? Yeah.
I know that like, especially my dad and my mom both have very
narcissistic tendencies. And that's kind of been a big trend
even in relationships. If with everything that going on, would
you have anything in regards to that?
Yeah, I mean, it's not a shock to me that they struggled with
that. And that some of these friends have those same
And ladies, when we are in those situations, when we're growing
up, my mom and dad both operated in that as well. And so that's
what kind of led me to be a people pleaser all the time,
because I was trying to make everybody happy. And my dad was
like gone a lot. And so it was really with my mom. But there
were things that my dad did when he was back, that I was seeing
show up. And so, or like fights on the phone and things that he
was trying to control, even for, like, when I was adult, an
adult, he was trying to force me to sign up for some phone thing
that he was doing. And he like blew up on me, because I said,
No, I just, I set a healthy boundary, and he just lost it,
you know. And so I think the biggest thing is just really
defining your boundaries and knowing what is healthy for you.
And the more that you do this course, and you heal and really
figure out figure out who you are. I think some of your
friendship desires are going to change, I think you're going to
want to have some different friends. And that's why I asked
you to begin with, was this a good friend? Was this a healthy
friend? Because, I mean, people could be good friends. But then
when we start to heal, or we start to recognize that
something's not healthy, and we say something, and then they're
not even willing to listen, or they're not willing to go to bat
for us, and we've been friends with them for a while, then that
seems a little, maybe they weren't really as good of a
friend as we thought they were, you know. And so just be praying
about that, too. Sometimes we have rose colored glasses on. And
we see the best in everybody, because we want to believe the
best in everybody. But God can increase your discernment and
your wisdom to recognize if someone's healthy for you or
not. And the days ahead. Yeah. And I know that's kind of like a
big, like kind of a more general answer. But I think the more
that you heal, I'm going to be able to give you some more
direct, definite things as you move forward. Okay. Thank you.
All right. You're welcome. Ladies, I know there were I know
Tiffany put your hand down already. So there's like three
of you left that did not get to go. And I think someone else
had their hand up a little while ago as well. And I hope to see
your post in the group, please come in the group. And even if
you put it up tonight, I should see it first thing in the
morning. I'll get in into the group as soon as I can in the
morning and answer those and help you all through that. And
God bless you all. Let me pray for us. Father, thank you so
much for this night. We thank you God for everything that
you've already done all the things that you are going to do.
God, we thank you for revealing these areas for healing. God
bring things out of darkness into the light so that we can be
set free so that we can step further into the fullness of
everything that you have for us who you've called us to be. God
we thank you for awakening us and enabling us to arise and
that our enemies would be scattered including Satan the
devourer. We thank you Jesus that you came to give us life
and give it to us more abundantly and that you're going
to help us to step further into that good good abundant life
every day in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. I love you all so glad to
be here with you tonight and I will see you all in the group.
Okay. Good night, everyone. Bye