All right, folks, it's Renee Rizzo here with the Men's Weekly Update Heart Check-In, and
we are excited to come at you and get this time together.
Right now, we're just talking about some dating stuff and see what folks are going through.
And I am personally making a note to ask Jackie and David about the process for spotlighting,
So I have a good idea of what for you guys to expect, because I would hope at the very
least someone would get back to you guys and go like, hey, we had some people interested,
but we weeded them out because of this, this, and this.
They were outside your criteria, we wanted to save you the trouble, blah, blah.
So I have a feeling that happens sometimes.
But if you all are consistently not hearing, and the women are consistently, David, what's
your question?
Do you have, not sure if hosts can help with the.
Kenton is saying he can't get on his camera.
I guess we've lost that message.
Are you coming in at your phone or your computer?
Sometimes I have to go out and back in because I accidentally clicked the thing that didn't
allow for both audio.
You were on here twice.
That's probably why it's messing up.
You probably have to go off completely.
Kenton came on here twice and it's probably interfering with itself.
I usually quit and come back in and it's, let me see, um, yeah, because there's nothing
I can do.
I'm looking, I clicked on you.
There's nothing I can do to quote unquote, make you show your video.
Bless his little heart.
Okay.
Hey, Renee, real quick.
I had a little question slash suggestion.
I was talking about this a little bit earlier today with Abram.
When the ladies are on a call and it's, you know, both guys and ladies, whether it's,
you know, a spotlight or whatever, or, um, it, it would be very helpful.
Like if the ladies don't want to divulge their exact age, like if they would put down
20s, 30s, 40s, 50s.
So it's just get an idea of where they're at.
And they only put that down if they're currently free and not already involved in level two
dating.
And also if, um, they're not still in the midst of doing a lot of heartwork yet.
So they're not ready.
So they don't feel rushed.
So if they don't.
Yeah.
I like an idea of, um, so that's coming up with a symbol that's like, okay.
So I was just wondering, like, is that a possibility?
And the ones that are even more like ready to go, I mean, they've done their exact age.
If they're going to be that bold, but yeah, I mean, somebody might put 50s, 40s, let me
might put age range.
Yeah.
And I have no problem suggesting it, but like how Abram has it right now, it's great because
he's got his name, his location and his age.
And I would almost think that you should put a check Mark by your name.
Is there an easy, like little check Mark or something, something that says like, yeah,
because if I, you know, cause, um, something that lets you know that they're free, they're
free.
What, what my friend Phoebe told me, who's been in the program for a while, she said,
if you're interested, you just write your name, your age and your location.
Cause she said, and if people aren't, then they just won't have their age or their location.
So she said, that's kind of how people go by it.
I mean, I think an asterisk would be helpful, but I don't know that that's that.
I will say that that may be true for some people, David, but I don't know if that's
a, that's not a, it's not a rule.
That's not a rule.
I don't know how, I don't know how figuring it out.
Cause I can honestly tell you, there was plenty of times in this program, I've been single
ready to mingle.
And I never did that.
So I missed the memo.
It's hard to understand like where people are at, because the most I've ever seen is
ladies just put their full name and nothing else.
Or they might add their state, but they're not going to add their age.
Like I've maybe saw one person maybe lately that did all three like state age and name.
I will, I have no problem suggesting that I'm actually going to be doing single spotlight
again on the 18th.
I have no problem suggesting that I can't make it a hard role.
Right.
And people are lazy and some people go, I have no idea how to change it.
Whatever.
But I can just say, and which is why I said, make sure your name matches your, your profile,
your handle.
Like sometimes we can't find people because we have no idea what their handle is.
So I'll definitely say like, Hey, if you put your full name, if you put your, um, and then
you can put thirties, you can put late thirties, mid thirties, it can, you know, people can
put a range.
I think some women might feel like weird about their age, but let's say, let's face it.
Like some people are just weird about age.
Like I just tried to introduce two of my girlfriends who were late fifties.
Like me, I met these two nice guys at church.
I would have sworn they were my age.
They looked that good of shape and one was 64 and both of my girlfriends are like, no,
that's too old.
I'm like, stop it.
Like, and I get it.
I used to be that way.
Like I used to be super picky about that, but I'm like, you guys, as we're creeping
up in age, like if a, you don't want to get dinged for being too old, then like, let's
not assume.
And it's like, it's, I think people's fear with age is like, I'm going to have to take
care of them or whatever.
Like, okay, well you are anyway.
So like if you married them, I don't know.
So I have no problem suggesting that.
I think it's a great idea.
Um, I don't know how universal it'll be.
I'm trying to think of, what are my options here if I go to rename, see, like I'd have
to have a little emoji for a check mark and that was not, that would not be easy.
Like I'm trying to think what's a little, Oh, let's look at our character.
Like if I did, no, that's a creepy thing.
Hmm.
I'm looking at which one of these things on the keyboard is like free, like for, uh, Abram
and myself, we just put our age and he said, ready as an available.
That's not good.
That's not, Oh, do you do for them to do?
Um, I don't know.
I, I want, I'm trying to find a word less.
Oh, I say I like what Mike has or like the cute little winky winky, but I don't think
it's as easy to find Mr.
Winky winky.
How did you do the, how did you get that on your thing?
Mike?
I just clicked my emoji button on the bottom.
Oh, you know, it's probably easier from your phone.
Isn't it?
Yeah, probably.
Yeah.
You go to, you go to your name, you go to rename.
Yeah.
And then, so it gives me just a standard, the standard thing.
Yeah.
Cause I'm in the rename now for my computer and it's really, I mean, I'm
like looking at my keyboard.
Um, it would be like, Oh, wait, wait too much.
What is this?
Sorry.
Um, 50s.
I would actually just put the state.
I wouldn't put the city.
I just think the state's good enough.
Um, Oh, um, yeah.
I mean, I do like the available.
I mean, worst case scenario.
I mean, you definitely know what somebody is, right?
I mean, if it says available, okay.
Oh yeah.
Look, look at my question.
Did, did you guys bring that up?
Because you're getting women who are quote unquote doing heartwork and
not trying to date right now.
Is that what's happening?
It's just too much of an unknown.
That's where I'm coming from.
I don't like to guess.
And I, and the other thing is, um,
why do you, would you mind just having a woman say back to you?
Like, Hey, I'm already seeing somebody.
Okay.
I guess that's not such a big deal, but like the other thing is it's
really hard for me to tell, especially some women, sometimes when I see
them, I think they're in their thirties.
Other times I think they're in their late forties and it's really hard to tell.
I don't want to go outside my age range because I'm with you on the age
and I'm with you on the location.
I just think you might need to like, um, be okay with having her say,
um, I'm seeing somebody right now because on any given day that might
change and they might not forget to change their, their thing that in
that given time period, but I definitely think their name and age and possibly
location, the reason why some people may not want to put their location
because they're like, I'm ready to move, man.
Like I'm ready to move.
Um, or I work remote.
And so if you're in like Texas, you might write off a woman in New York.
Who's like been chomping at the bit to go South.
And so I wouldn't want you to do that.
So I will say this, um, now, are you finding David that women are older
than you realize are younger than you realize that's, um, I don't know.
It seems to be like.
pulled out. Okay, so you're 51. Tell me what your age range is.
I'm like 1112 years, I'm going to go above that, like more, but
I'm not. So you're like 40, a 40 year old woman is the youngest
you're gonna go up to like 55?
Yeah, well, 38, I guess, but like, I, you know, to me, it's
like, what, a couple months ago, Jackie made a big thing about
like, 15 years is kind of like too much. Difficult. And to me,
just personally, I'm like, 17. Like, I'm almost old enough to
be your dad. And like, I don't want to be doing that. Like,
yeah, I mean, I will say this, I, it does happen in real life,
right? In the real life, when you see somebody, you can fall
in love with somebody outside of your like, quote, unquote, age
range. But would I typically at 37 years old be talking to a
man in his 50s? No, I would not be. That would feel like, it's
one thing to go into the next decade with a guy. It's another
thing when you jump two decades. Does that make sense? Like, you
know, I mean, 3852. That sounds like I mean, it's like you're
off. I just bypassed my 40s. And now, whoo, 50s. What you got,
So I think for me, my age range is pretty high. Like, I wouldn't
go younger, but I would date a woman who's probably 51. Even
like, that's probably as high as I would go. And I think for but
my family is like, they're not okay with that. So but I mean,
like, for me, as long as you be willing in the season of wanting
to have little kids, and raise little kids, that's like, where
I'm at. So
yeah. And I know there's plenty of women in this program that
just turned 50 that would love to have kids. And how old are
you? You're mid 30s? Late 30s?
I'm early 30s. I'm 33.
Oh, yeah, dude, you know? No, no.
That's what my mother says.
Your mother knows better. You know, here's why a woman in her
50s, she is already in perimenopause, possibly heading
towards menopause. Could she have kids? Sure, maybe. But her
hormones are in a completely different season. So if you're a
young 30, I promise you there are women in their 40s that are
right for you. I would, I could, I could see you going 10, 12
years up. But I, I think it would be, I would be hard
pressed to recommend somebody in their 50s to you.
Yeah, I'm laughing because my mom said, you know, you should
talk to your new friend, Renee. I'm sure she will probably talk
you out of women in their 50s. And she gave the examples you
did. And she goes, menopause is rough.
You don't have to get on that ride. Like you can just meet
someone who's your age. Like, yeah. So anyway, my mom
literally was like, talk to your friend Renee about that.
And I was like, I will say this to you guys. I am definitely
gonna. I'm also going to check because Jackie mentioned that
she was going to open up the portal to spirit mate match. So
you guys could find each other. Yeah, when is that going to
happen? No, I'm making a note to ask her because I know that she
was going to just let you guys see and at first she was like, I
think she was waiting to have an eat more equal number. But
there's so many women in the community that you guys might
not even be trying to reach out to. But if you at least saw her
profile, well, Abram, the reason why they don't post there is
that they're really not there. I created that the all community
app, I created that I was trying to get them to like, agree to
put the men and women together in one place. And we only added
like, I don't know, 50, the first 50 women. And I think
Jackie decided not to do that. So we stopped adding women. So
the reason why there's nobody responding in there is yeah,
there really is it it's not it's not, it's not used, it's not
promoted. And so there might be a few straggler people, but I
did want to get that going. So I didn't really know. So that
didn't really work out. But the spirit mate match, you guys
being able to find each other would actually eliminate a lot
of what you guys are worrying about. Because it would show you
their age, it would show you what they're looking for. Can
they relocate? Do they want kids? So I'm going to go ahead
and find out what the status is. Because the last time I heard it
was easily a month ago, she said she was going to give you guys
access to be able to see each other.
I didn't write it out. She's like, Oh, no, who let everybody
know by because there's only
Five of you I'm talking to.
So we kept it to the grave, but just, you know,
wait, say that again, Mike.
So Jackie's like, I'm telling only a few people about this. Right.
But now you're saying it to everybody.
But yeah, that it hasn't been available.
So I was wondering when it was going to go down.
Yeah, I will. I will find the scoop.
And the next time and we'll get back to you guys on that.
I may even when I'll try to get the information by the time
I do the single spotlight so I can tell everybody that.
Because it's sure.
And honestly, it would make it easier even after single spotlight,
like you might get a bunch of women reaching out to you
that you don't want to talk to, but let you be the one to weed that out.
As far as I'm concerned, like.
You know, you can handle it, you can kind of handle it.
OK, so are you guys finding
because we actually used to have couples from spotlights
that actually get married and actually meet other people?
Are you feeling like it's really hard to try to find the women in this community?
Like there's hundreds of them.
There's way more of them than y'all.
But are you finding it hard to find them?
Yeah. Yeah. Yes.
And and any of them like Kimberly, even really even can see
like nobody's on camera and then the one, you know, and the ones on camera
get hits, I'm sure. Right.
But everybody else, it's like, you know, you know,
and then their profile picture is like, well, and then there's some folks
that are should be on camera or on camera, like, oh, yeah.
Didn't want to say that.
But yeah, but like and then there's like their profile picture.
And then they're like, oh, that was like 20 years ago.
I mean, and it's like it's just like it's like, oh, I'm back on apps again.
Right. You know, I mean, for sure.
For sure. I'm feeling you on that.
Like I look at I look at some of them and I'm like.
Now, granted, mine's like there's like one that I have set up for Zoom
and it's like I did a photo shoot for my website, it's now three years old.
I'd like to say on a good day, I look like that, but
I probably don't look like that either.
But I mean, so sometimes people put like their promo shot up.
But I think if it's within reason, within reason, right.
Percent, 100 percent.
I'm making notes here because you guys are giving me some good suggestions.
OK, tell me for those of you, how many of you guys is anybody
going to the five year celebration?
Because I think at least 100 women are signed up for that.
Well, I'm trying to get out there myself.
Just trying to convince other people to come with me.
Oh, awesome, Kenton.
By the way, somebody asked me about you.
Well, they did. That's nice.
Who was it? Who was it?
Wait, wait.
She's she private messaged me.
So you need to go find her and see what you think,
because I didn't really know how I wasn't at the time.
I didn't know I was going to be on tonight.
I was like, I don't know how to connect you with them.
Like, let them know. So hold on. Let me find it.
I'll tell you who she is.
You want me to tell you in front of everybody else?
Well, I don't mind.
I'm not very private about much.
OK. Oh, she looks very pretty.
OK. She's regarding this 64 year old man.
That's you, right? It's got to be you.
Sixty six. Yeah.
OK, well, that's close enough.
Right. She's five.
Does it matter? Five years difference?
No, no, no. She's five.
Ten. How tall are you?
Five, five, six.
OK, that's fine.
She also has a seven year old son.
On her own.
And how old is she?
She is did not say.
Let me see. Her name is Joan Kavanaugh.
Let's go to her profile photo.
How do you spell Kavanaugh?
K-A-V-A-N-A-G-H.
Joan Ellen Kavanaugh.
She looks very sweet.
I'd say look at me, I'm going to get in trouble.
Wait, hold on a second.
OK.
Only ever comments from people the same.
Yeah, I love it.
All right. We just pause just for a moment there, folks.
We had a little technicality we had to figure out and fix.
It was just for the people that were on the call.
Y'all didn't miss anything.
If you're watching and replay.
We're just trying to we're just trying to get people in love.
OK, I love that.
Y'all like I could be your wing woman.
That's what we're going to do.
Like if you want to know the scoop on people, you let me know.
And I'll hook you up.
Sign me up, Rizzo. You sign me up.
I love it. OK.
Can you come to Cali?
Cali, I could use some help around here.
Now, are you are you Southern or.
Northern Cal it's kind of central but I'm in the Bay Area, San Francisco Bay. Oh, that's right
We had this conversation cuz I grew up in San Jose
Yeah, you know like we have a single city, but like there's nobody I'd be the only dude there and there's nobody there
That's even remotely interesting
Right, and so I'm like I'm hiding
Tell you what, I don't know how you're not with somebody in our community like I feel like you're the full package man
Well, because the Lord told me not to do long-distance dating and then everybody don't want to do long-distance, is that right?
Yeah, if I wanted a long distance, I have a plethora of options. I even ran some people at school the prophets, right?
But I do have to say it's getting if she's still on here like Ken helped me really hugely the other day
Like because so I
have I
See, thanks
Constantly like, you know, especially in romantic
The Lord shows me a myriad of things and I don't really know what to do with it
Right and like he helped me kind of set the table better. So that way I don't get attached until it happens versus
jumping in like with both feet because I'm like, you know, and so I just want to encourage you guys like if you have a
tendency to see
My so okay my ex
Walked through the parking lot and the Lord's like you're gonna marry her
It's right, I mean like seriously I kid you not right like and so then I
Should have asked should I marry her but that's a whole nother quit
I'm so glad you brought this up Mike because the one thing I wanted to do with you guys tonight is
It's kind of like an advanced heart. It's an advanced boundaries conversation. It's called circles of intimacy and
It really helps and I've done it with the women a lot and it really had I have to think about it all the time
And whenever I meet with somebody private if I feel like their family or certain things are getting in their way too much
I do this exercise with them. So do you all can you all get at your hands on a piece of paper and a pen?
Have a little exercise I'm gonna do with you
Because it might help this exact thing that you were just talking about
How do you stay in this without getting so invested?
Especially like Mike said Mike is in the prophetic. I wasn't always in the prophetic, but I am a
Empath by nature and I see I feel all the feels really quickly and I can disarm people really fast
And it works really well in ministry. I'm able to get people to share with me really quickly
It was not good in dating. I had to really rein that gift in
otherwise, I was getting too emotionally attached with people that I barely knew and
What that's hard to do in ministry there and they not to be attached because oh, yeah, man
Oh, yeah
I mean, I mean it's I was too attached to everybody my donors my volunteers my staff
I just my sister used to tease me. She's like Renee you guys stop. I'm like, I know I can't help it
I just connect like I'm you know, I can't but I go deep really really fast
Okay, so it's called circles of intimacy I don't want to
Quick. I just wanted to say yes. I'm
Already signed up for the five-year anniversary. That's all
We're gonna meet each other in person. Okay. Here's the thing to you guys like
I'm actually gonna be bringing Brian too
So you guys get to meet the man the one that was brave enough to it was funny though
Mike and you might you've been on long enough
There were a few single spotlights like women were like, oh my gosh, you guys had so much chemistry
He should you should totally go out with him. I'm like, I totally tried he said no
There were a few single spotlights, I'm like, hey, I think we're gelling
But no, okay, so I want you to at least draw it looks like this like these a bunch of circles and
Mm-hmm. I want you to draw a one in the first circle
To a to B and then do three four or five just do up to five circles
One two a to B three four five
Obviously
The closer to the center that's the closest to your heart
So I want you to think about it says circles of intimacy
responsibility and impact
So I want you to think specifically of either people
ministries your job
anything
your spirit life
anything that takes up intimacy
Responsibility or has an impact on you and I don't want to cheat and give you any more answers than that
So who or what you put in any circle? I want the Lord to kind of just tell you real quick
what you think that is.
And there's, I don't want you to do,
I don't want you to write there
what you think it should be.
I want you to put in the circles
how much space these people or things
are taking up in your life.
Obviously, if you put something in the first circle,
it is taking up a lot of energy.
Like losing that would break your heart.
And that would be true for anything
in the first few circles.
If you lost it, it would be a big loss for you.
So don't tell me what you think.
So kind of just take, I'll give you two minutes
and you can have one name or one thing in a circle
or you can have 10, it doesn't matter.
Or we just talk about people or things.
Anything that takes up energy in your heart right now,
in your mind, if it's like,
so for the longest time when I was running Hope Clinic,
Hope Clinic had a place on that circle
because it was my ministry
and it sucked the life force out of me.
It was on way too big of a circle.
So if it's taken up energy,
if you're losing sleep over it,
if it matters to you,
if there's a high level of intimacy,
responsibility or impact, those are the three words.
Do I have intimacy with this?
Do I feel responsible for it?
And does it have impact on me, especially if I lost it?
And this is not an exhaustive list
because you guys after,
I'm just gonna teach you how to do it
and then you're gonna really pray about it.
And I'd love to hear your thoughts
when I see you guys in a couple of weeks again.
I'd love to see how this might shift
because to Mike's point,
I'm gonna tell you where the people you date
need to be on these circles.
Okay.
Are you guys ready for me to give you the answers
of what a healthy circle should look like?
Just wondering is one higher or five higher
the way this is set up?
So the one is closest to your heart.
So that's like the closest to your core.
So the one should be your most important thing.
And you said intimacy, impact and what?
Responsibility.
So if you had kids,
you're very responsible for your children.
So your children, if you have children,
they should be hopefully somewhere in these circles.
Unless your children are grown
and you've kicked them out and they're way out there.
So you either have responsibility for them,
intimacy or impact.
Those are kind of the three words.
And you might wanna do,
this is, it's like Marilyn Murray
is the one that kind of created this.
And it's really just like,
I call it boundaries on fire
because I don't know about you,
but whenever I think of boundaries,
I think of who's in, who's out.
And this kind of goes down to a deeper level,
especially as you're dating and how to,
and really to me, this really,
especially in dating, this helps me know
if I'm only at a level one, two or three
with dating where he should be on a circle.
Okay.
So here's what ideal situation looks like.
In circle one, guess who should be in the first circle?
There's two people in the first circle.
You and God.
You and God should be in circle.
Do you see the balloons?
What's with the balloons?
I don't know how that happens.
Okay.
This is God and you.
If, how many of you guys did not have you
in the first circle?
How many of you didn't have yourself anywhere?
I wouldn't, would have if,
but you hadn't done this to me before,
so I cheated.
Right.
Okay.
So most of us people, please, in codependence,
we're not anywhere on the list, nowhere.
We are not taking care of ourselves.
Okay.
So if you only have you in circle one,
so if you forgot God, you ditched him,
you are at risk of becoming either selfish,
narcissistic or people-pleasing, codependent and exhausted.
You're gonna be either one or the other
in that drama triangle.
You're gonna be the one rescuing everybody
or you're gonna be the one taking from everybody.
If you don't have God in the center,
in that circle with you,
you're gonna either get exhausted
or just take from other people.
If you only have God in the center,
you are likely to be kind of that martyr person
or really kind of sucked into that religious.
Only you can keep you healthy.
So you and God have to be in that center circle.
Does anybody have anybody else besides you and God
in that first circle?
Because after my dad died,
very suddenly and unexpectedly,
my mom was actually going through a divorce
from my very abusive stepfather and she was 79 years old.
years old. And I was kind of freaking out and I was actually doing a level two training
of this. And Marilyn said to me at 84 years old, she's like, Renee, your mother is not
your responsibility. Like if she dies, it's not your responsibility. And I'm like, I was
just devastated because I was so afraid of losing another parent. I had actually put
my mother in that center circle with me. Like I was worrying literally about everything.
And so she's like, you've got to kick her out of the first circle. And I was like, no,
you know, so we will put our children, our job, an addiction, any, in any given time
we will let something creep into that center circle. Okay. Um, so here's the important
thing. Um, if you have anyone or anything else in circle one, besides God in you, it
will cause you to probably be dysfunctional, either intellectually, emotionally, physically,
or spiritually in all your relationships. You can only be intimate with someone else.
Even God to the degree with which you are intimate and knowing yourself. Otherwise you
will look to others to fill yourself. So first, your first level of intimacy is with yourself.
Then it is with God. Okay. Does anybody want to take a crack at what should be in two a
and two B? Spouse and kids. Yeah, that's it. So, um, in the circle is the parent or
primary caretaker if you're a child. So, um, but obviously it would be that, um, it's going
to be to two a is your spouse or very significant other. Now I dated this guy briefly that like
within three weeks insisted he should be in my number two spot. I'm like, whoa there
bucko and you may do this. Like you may create a lot of energy with a girl right away that
you put her in that second circle. She has not earned that place yet. She does not, I
mean, no one, I mean, I'm talking level three and you're talking about marriage level three.
That's only when she, especially if it puts her in front of your children. Um, especially
and then, and then the second one is children living at home or under your care. So if you
had a disabled child, um, that you were caring for, um, children living in your home. So
if you're, if your children are grown, they would probably bump to circle three or four.
But if you have children that you are taking care of in your home that are dependent on
you, they're in that third circle. It is why you guys, sometimes you'll notice why blending
families is so difficult because sometimes the significant other is in the number three
spot. So the kid knows the kid still comes first, right? And so sometimes when you start
dating, you don't move the dating person into the, the spot until engagement. And all of
a sudden the kids are like, Whoa, who's this person? And you're wondering why your kids
are reacting to somebody they liked last week. Literally. You're like, wait, you just
like Jane. Why don't you like Jane now? Because they now realize Jane just bumped in the circle.
And so you have to have honest and healthy conversations with your children to own that
the shift has happened, but still reminding them how valuable they are. So I don't know
about you, but like that made so much sense for me. I'm like, Oh my gosh, like I didn't
know that that happens. And it really does happen, especially for you guys. If you have
girls, if you have teenage girls or young adult women and they love the woman you're
dating, but then all of a sudden she gets engaged to you or you're talking about engagement,
they're starting to wonder why she's there. Your girls are starting to wig out. Girls
tend to have a harder time with a step mom in the story than any other scenario. Um,
it can be a beautiful and a good thing. And so I'm not telling you not to do it, but it
does help you be prepared for that as opposed to getting mad at your kids why it's actually
happening. Okay. Um, as an adult, if you are not in a significant relationship, what goes
into it? Not your job, not your job. So this is the problem a lot of us have as a single
person is we put our job and our ministry work in the two a spot. So whatever ministry
you're involved in, no matter how much you love it, it should not go in the two a spot.
And some of us that are workaholics, you know, we're going to let all the married people
go home or all whatever, go home to their kids. And so we're going to keep working.
Our job and our ministry should not jump into the two a spot.
I can 100% tell you at times Hope Clinic was my spouse.
And I would actually argue for a long time
Hope Clinic was 2A and 2B.
And now I ran a pregnancy center,
so we saved babies, right?
And so when I stepped down from my job at Hope Clinic,
this is what I say to people,
I didn't just leave my job,
which should have been probably circle four or five,
because I had Hope Clinic in the 2A and 2B spot,
it literally felt like I got divorced
and gave up the kids for custody.
That is how hard it was to leave it
because that's how high I put it in my intimacy and impact.
Does that make sense for some of you guys?
So be thinking about what you might be putting
into A and 2B if you're not married
and or don't have kids living at home.
You wanna make sure that you actually hold that space.
You're like, well, Renee, what do I hold that space for?
You hold that space for you and God.
This is your time to take care of you
and your relationship with God,
because you want that space to be empty
so that your spouse can jump into it.
What you don't wanna do is have to kick somebody out
because that person or that thing that you kick out
to make room for the spouse
is gonna get really upset with you.
And they're gonna probably then resent the person
that's taken their spot.
So if you want to have a good relationship with your kids
and your job and your ministry,
and you don't want them to blame your spouse
for why they just got kicked out,
kick those people out now.
Hopefully that will make sense to you.
Okay, circle three.
It gets to be older adult children, grandchildren,
parents, sibling, grandparents, close family and friends
who are safe and healthy
and whom you can share with intimately.
It's a reciprocal relationship.
So how many of you guys have people
in your number three spot?
Do all of you have people in your three spot?
Okay, are those people safe and healthy?
And is it-
They are now, good.
Because I don't know about y'all,
I have had to kick some family members
out of circle number three.
So if you have a sibling or a parent
that is either in addiction,
they're behaving unsafe or unhealthy.
So you guys, the best way I learned
how to be in relationship with my father
is I had to kick him out to like circle number seven.
Like, it sounds like a mean thing,
but in circle three, he was not safe for me.
And it was not a good relationship.
And all we did was fight, yell and scream.
When I moved him out and I treated him like a good friend,
we actually had a great last decade together
before he died.
We were able to laugh, joke, do stuff on vacation together.
I treated him like a good friend.
I did not share intimately with him,
but I also protected my heart.
And so that is how you can have
an actually really good relationship
with a family member, a coworker,
somebody that you're in ministry with,
an ex, the mother or father of your children.
You can actually move them out in your mind
and in your heart and not let them take up that much rent.
And then your expectations of them lower,
you give less, you are willing to receive less
and you can actually get along better.
So circle three.
So your kind of your homework really is
who's in my circle one?
Who is, did I make sure I had myself on the list?
What does it mean to take care of myself?
What does it mean to put God there?
Two A and two B, you guys,
I'm gonna ask you guys in two weeks,
did you have to kick anybody out or anything out?
And then circle three,
if there are any family or friends in that circle
that you feel obligated to that are not healthy.
And by the way,
it's not like you're gonna pick up the phone and call them.
It's not like Abram's gonna go like,
okay, Sally, I'm kicking you out, man.
You're going to circle five.
You just show up differently in those relationships.
So it's a personal decision.
You just show up.
Many of us have put people here who should not be here.
They're either not safe, not healthy,
or there's not equal giving and taking.
I don't know about you guys, but like after COVID,
I really paid attention to who was in my life.
Who was actually still investing in me?
Like, was I doing all the calling?
And if I was doing all the calling,
I kind of gently stopped calling.
And then I noticed if they picked up the phone
and called me.
Then, you know, even when I was running Hope Clinic,
you know, when I was running my nonprofit,
I was kind of big man on campus in this city.
And I paid attention to after I retired,
how many people stopped calling me?
Who was still calling me?
And you know, out of all the people
who were supposedly my friends,
I'm inviting like three couples to my wedding
for my Hope Clinic days.
That's it, three people.
There were hundreds.
And I just realized,
hmm, and so you really want to make sure
these are reciprocal relationships.
Also be a friend from college that you don't talk to very often.
I have a couple friends I can literally go a year and not talk to, but if I texted them
and said 9-1-1, they would be on the phone.
If I said I need you right now, they would probably be on a plane within 24 hours and
get to me.
So the numbers, and it is okay, you guys, if there's only two to four names on that
circle three list.
This does not have to be a big long list.
In fact, when we're younger, you know how like when you're younger and you get married,
they have like 10 bridesmaids and 10, whatever.
It's like sometimes when you're younger, you can have a lot of people in your circle three.
As we get older, that list is going to get really small.
Circle four is going to be things like your, that's, so if you're in ministry and you have
a job that you love, that's about where circle four is going to show up.
So circle your job, your ministry, your church volunteer work should never come in front
of your loyalty and your availability to your circle three people, which is why if you're
in ministry and something is going on with your mother or your best friend or your kid
or your spouse, sometimes you're going to have to say no to the ministry or no to the
job.
So when you guys first started doing that level two dating, where do you think women
should be?
These women that are in level two, where do you think she should be?
I don't know, number one, I'm just kidding.
No, definitely past four, right?
Every anywhere past four, oh Kenton, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
That's dying right now or the friend's mother is dying right now.
Oh crap.
I'm so sorry.
Message over at the admin email and ask them, okay, babe.
Thanks guys, I appreciate your prayers.
We'll make sure we pray for you, okay?
Tonight.
Love you guys.
Love you all.
Take care.
Love you guys.
Love you.
Bye.
Okay.
So circle five is going to be like things that are important to you.
Like maybe your volunteer work by six and seven, you know, you kind of start to drag
them out.
Anything from circle one to four, you're going to feel the loss.
Anything from circle one to four are things that really matter to you.
Which is why when someone's in active addiction, do you want to know how much active addiction,
whether it's drugs, alcohol, pornography, do you want to know how many circles it impacts?
The first four circles.
So when you're dealing, and this is how, this is why when someone's kind of like an alcoholic
and the friends don't notice it and they just think he's life of the party and your church
doesn't necessarily notice it, his friends group doesn't notice it.
They all think he's a great guy or she's a great girl.
Or if you have an ex wife that was kind of like super emotional and mentally unstable,
but her friends loved him and got a great report.
The problem is addiction impacts the first four layers.
Usually by layer five and six in that circle, they can fake it.
So this is why you're not crazy.
So sometimes when you get a divorce, your friends, your exterior friends did not see
what you, what you went through in your marriage.
Because they, if they, if they weren't circle one, two, three, or four, they weren't feeling
the impact of the addiction.
And so you're like, oh my gosh, how did you not notice?
Well, they didn't because they were much further out.
But I don't know about you, but it makes me feel like less crazy when I realize I can
be directly impacted by somebody, but somebody much further out isn't going to see that addiction.
And so it really kind of helps that make sense to it.
So as you guys are dating, when you're dating women and you're trying to find out and you're
like, I would say this, when you're like first texting women online or you're going
up to them, they're circle like eight, they're way out there, y'all.
You go on, you have a couple videos, maybe you really like her, you're like, I'm gelling
kind of with her.
She might creep up to circle six, right?
You have a couple dates with her, maybe she hits circle five, maybe she even hits circle
four at level two.
You should not be bringing her in any closer to your heart, mind, impact, spiritual, any
closer than four, because that's already still starting to care.
Because remember, the first four circles, we're going to feel the loss.
And so I would say when you first, so I would say try to keep her at circle five.
And then you're like, hey, do you want to just date me?
I think I want to just date you.
That's when she might jump to circle four, she's getting a little bit more of your heart.
And then when you
realizes you've been doing circle three a bit,
I mean a level three a little bit,
you might bring her to level three.
She now has much rent in your head as your closest posse.
And now you're starting to,
now would be the time that you're starting
to introduce her to the kids.
And you wanna make sure she's got a relationship
with the kids before she jumps the loop over them.
Can I ask you a question on that?
Yeah.
Like, okay, so you said like the mental,
how do you, so my issue is like,
there's always things ruminating in my head.
How do you stop or shift?
You understand, like, you know,
like her, huh?
You're like, easier said than done, Renee.
Thanks, awesome.
Well, no, no, but I, no,
that was actually one of my questions is,
is how do I get her out of my head, right?
Like, or change, change, like kick her out circles.
I will say this.
Here's, so here's some of the easiest ways.
Initially, do not pray with her.
Do not do a Bible study with her.
Do not go to church with her.
Spiritual intimacy will create intimacy.
Go to church with her, so.
What'd you say?
She's at my church, so therefore.
Well, I mean that, go to church with her,
but sitting next to her and worshiping together
are two different things.
So I would say the first thing
is eliminate the spiritual contact.
The second way, and I don't know about you, Mike,
but I have to be really strict with myself.
It is how much time I give that person.
So if you notice, like don't text them all day.
Keep the phone calls down to 30 minutes.
Keep the video dates down.
Keep your live dates in person down to once a week.
So now I say all this, and if you guys met Brian,
he's gonna say you blew all of that with me,
and he's not wrong.
Like I literally, from our first FaceTime date,
you guys, I have talked to him every single day
for the last nine months, every single day.
There's not been a day that I've not talked to him.
However, we were both building just a friendship first.
In those first six weeks,
we were literally just getting to know each other,
and we were not doing the,
oh my gosh, I love you so much kind of thing.
You can say grace at dinner, that's all.
That's so true, that's so true.
The other way that you can do
is keep the content of your conversations.
The other thing Brian and I did in those first six weeks
is we did not bring up too much trauma from our past.
We kept our conversation focused on the center,
on our present, and where we wanted to go in the future.
Like when issues came up about either his mom or my dad,
we both pretty much said the same thing.
You know what?
It was complicated, and if we keep dating in like a month,
that's a really big story,
and I'm not ready to talk about that yet,
but I'll be happy to talk about that.
So you keep the conversation less intimate.
So you kind of stay in the present,
you talk about the future.
You don't spend, and then Mike, I would tell you,
that's why Jackie would say,
you have to keep busy doing other things
and dating other people.
If your schedule is full with work, activity,
and talking to other women,
then you just can't sit on your bed
dreaming about Jane all the time.
You know what I mean?
Like, so-
Yeah, you gotta fill a space with something else,
is what I, yeah.
So now that's what I have been doing.
It's what I have to do.
It's what I, I wish I could tell you,
I could just lay on the couch and go,
oh, don't think about it right now.
The reason why I ask is because we have similar,
similar gifting, similar like arts, right?
I can completely relate to how I really think it is.
I'm like, yep, did there, done that, got that t-shirt,
or what are they, another one.
It's why sometimes I've,
if you saw what I watched on Netflix,
you'd be traumatized for me because like, in fact,
I was just seeing like a TikTok meme or something.
And this one woman was saying how women are all excited
that Taylor Swift finally got engaged
and it's given hope to all women.
She goes, we are not Taylor Swift.
Like why on earth would we think
just because this gorgeous billionaire
finally got engaged that that somehow gives me hope?
She goes, now, when a woman who sits home,
sometimes gets on the apps,
maybe puts on makeup twice a week, has a decent paycheck,
and she's watching murder documentaries on Netflix.
If that chick gets engaged, then you can have hope.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, she just described me.
So to your point, Mike, I have gone down the crazy,
like six episode rabbit trail
of like watching some crazy documentary
or some crazy show where my brain has to really work.
And I'm like, ooh, I've got to like figure that out.
Is it a whodunit?
Is that what, what is that?
I understand.
Can you explain why, why I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I just,
you know what, give, give, the horror thing.
They're like, let's watch horror.
I'm like, it sounds like a horrible idea, but like, I just, I'm like, okay, you like
being scared or something?
I don't understand.
Like, like most women have already watched on Netflix, that documentary, it's a one episode
documentary about that poor young teenager who was getting these horrible text messages
from an unknown number.
You got to watch.
And it's like, no guy has watched it.
So y'all are staring at me like you have no idea.
It's literally in the top 10 on Netflix right now.
No idea.
Yeah.
It's like the unknown number.
And we're all outraged at like the, who did it?
Like we're all outraged and we're outraged that nobody in the documentary is as outraged
as we are watching it.
Oh, I thought, I thought what my favorite thing on Netflix was Cobra Kai.
Oh, well, and I love Cobra Kai too, but that's an eight that you have to, that you got to
find your eighties people to love that.
So why do women, I don't know why we like watching that dark stuff.
I don't know.
Am I the only one though, Mike, or do other women do it?
No, I mean, it's, it's, it's prevalent.
And I'm like, and one of the things that makes me question, maybe we can like, so a woman's
greatest need is security.
Right.
So when you feel unsafe, that's going to generate your biggest buzz or whatever, like, you know,
like it's going to, it's going to tell your biggest adrenaline rushes.
Right.
Because it's going right to the adrenaline rush of the thing we fear the most, which
is being unsafe.
It's like watching the, it's like watching the car accident or the train wreck.
You can't look away.
It's like the very thing that you're the most afraid of.
You can't look away from it.
Or we look at that crazy stuff.
Um, who's Moonshine?
Oh, Moonshine.
What's your name?
My name's Tim.
Tim?
Yeah.
Were you, were you just spotlighted?
No, but you're the second person to ask me that.
Crap, then you look like the guy that was spotlighted.
Yeah.
I think there's another Tim.
That's older though.
Okay.
Well, by the way, Tim, how new are you?
Have you never met me before?
And this is your first, like, you're like, who is this crazy chick?
Is this your first time meeting me or have you been on with me before?
Um, I was on last Tuesday's call.
Okay.
So just so you know about me, like I've been a part of the community for four years.
I started volunteering within nine months and I came on staff, I don't know, about two
years in and I was very active in front and behind the camera.
And then I started seminary school and I was getting slaughtered and I needed to step back.
And I'm not going to lie.
I probably stepped back a little bit for me because I was a little burnt out from it all.
And I'm like, I just needed to pause and, um, Jack and I continue to stay in touch.
And, uh, she invited me back at a time where I'm like, yeah, I miss you guys.
Um, and I feel like I also have a fresh perspective now that I am engaged and I feel like, wow,
so that's what a healthy relationship looks like.
I was really off all this time, you know?
So, and here's what I can tell you too, after, um, and dating healthy, you guys, I think
this is the one thing I'm trying to say in all my one-on-one coaching calls with people
is I don't ever have to look at a text message and wonder what Brian is thinking.
I never am afraid to ask him a hard question and worry about his reaction.
Um, like you guys, we haven't talked all day today, all day.
Now, normally old Renee would think he was dead on the side of a road because that's
where I go.
I go right to the, oh my gosh, he's dead.
Like he got hit by a car.
And you know what?
I was like, wow.
I called him like right before I got on the phone with you.
And I'm like, are you okay?
He's like, oh my gosh, I've just been really busy all day.
I'm like, okay.
And like old me would have had a major freak out.
So, um, so you guys get to ask me anything.
So I'm part of the team and I will be teaching here probably once a month.
I think me and Jackie are going to be alternating with David.
That's the theory.
Um, and so you're asking, uh, are you the only one who's still in heart work?
The guys, you all are here at different times and how formally do y'all do heart work?
Like do you, are you just watching the videos on your own or does David have a specific
topic he covers usually?
Is specific covers a specific topic usually.
So is he following the heart work book when he comes on now, Abrams, I mean, so they might
come up, but like, he's not like a, he's not like set out, you know, he kinda, we kinda,
he kinda vibes.
And then he, he he'll go off, you know, and it's nice.
He will go off on a riff.
Yeah.
He'll, he'll riff and it's nice.
He'll riff.
And if you notice, that's why I brought this up, I riffed because of what.
I was hearing and I'm hoping that I'm hoping this little exercise.
I'd love for you to guys just pray about this.
And I would love to hear in a few weeks what the Lord has told you about this.
Like, are you taking care of yourself?
And actually this really is coming in handy with the whole Sabbath
that Jackie's talking about and resting.
It's really making sure your number one circle is being cared for, which is you.
Well, and Renee, I have to say that, uh, when you, I first, you did that
like a year ago, probably a year, around a year ago, I was stunned, you know?
Cause I, I didn't have myself in any circle.
Right.
You know, like, I'm like, of course it's God.
You're like, and you, and I'm like, oh crap.
That means I have to let you in.
And, but it's really been super helpful.
Um, and I'm glad that you actually brought it back up because I was like,
oh yeah, she's supposed to be at eight.
Why is everybody always at two?
Well, and then, and we do, but see, Mike, like I literally have, the reason
why I'm so good at circles is I talk about it all the time.
In fact, there's two other women that did the training with me.
We meet every other Monday for an hour with almost without fail.
And it's really to make sure one of our first questions is how are
you doing with your circles?
Like, and so when you teach it, it definitely holds you accountable to it.
Um, and so it's something I'm super intentional about.
And, um, that's how you'll know when you're dating somebody, that's how you'll
know who's really important to her by how much energy she has around, like, wow,
she's got a really strong reaction to her mother.
Hmm.
Like, I wonder if she's put mom in circle one or gosh, her job, like
she's really stressed out about her job.
You will probably notice it in other people.
You will notice when people you're dating or in relationship with, um, are moving
people.
So, um, Tim, thank you for doing that.
Um, wait, how come it still says moonshine here?
Oh, cause that's what it was saying.
That's kind of freaky.
Okay.
But I'm always trying to keep that information in the front of my
brain so I don't regress.
I agree.
So you guys, whenever I'm on, if there's a section of the heartwork that you guys
want to talk about, please let me know.
I've got mine.
I still have my original notebook that I printed out and like, I had an ebook version
of it and I printed it out, like all 180 pages and I wrote up all over it and we used
to do things called heart connect.
And so I came up with hundreds of questions, um, to kind of pull in on the
heartwork.
Um, so is there an area of the heartwork you wanted to talk about or were you just
curious?
Oh, I got one outside of last year's single.
Wait, hold on Hunter.
Um, Tim was one that asked, let me just, let me make sure, and then I'll get back
right back to you.
So Tim, you ask.
I was just curious cause I didn't know where this conversation fit into anything.
I didn't know if everybody's been in this like six months and I'm the one who just
started.
So yeah.
I'm sorry.
So I've also found out about 10 o'clock this morning that I was leading tonight.
No.
So, um, that's why I was asking Abram and cause I know when we do phase one and
phase two, phase one is the heartwork with the women.
There's a certain topic we cover each week and then it repeats back up at the
top of the month as you're going through the heartwork.
And I didn't think that's what David did, but in theory, I'm assuming when David
is leading, which is going to be every other week, he's going to be pulling
topics from the heartwork.
I think typically, technically when you're going to get me or Jackie, you're going
to get more private, small group dating advice and coaching advice.
Like this is your chance to kind of get small group coaching as opposed to having
that.
So how does it fit in?
It fits in as far as just the coaching in general.
Um, and I would definitely say, well, we do phase two.
You guys don't really get that cause I do, I teach the phase two boundary section.
So I usually like bringing this up because as people start to date again, they tend
to jump very quickly and get really attached with people.
So I like to do this to remind people that in that early dating phase to not kind of
draw people in so much.
But if there is a section on the heartwork that kind of bubbled up for you this week
and you want to talk about that, feel free to ask me that question and we can do that
tonight.
Okay.
I don't have one.
Okay.
Um, Hunter, what was your comment or question?
It's okay.
If I find a heartwork outside of last year, single cause I'm doing some of my own, some
personal ones on my own, even help from last year, single.
I even read an article about, does God want me to be in a happy, really in an unhappy
marriage?
And it actually made sense.
Cause when, because of people who get divorced because of bad.
toxic marriages but then there's those because the bible doesn't want that but it's okay with a
divorce like that but an unhappy marriage is a whole different story i don't think the bible
allows that because it talks the bible it doesn't stop you from the bible is not what stops you from
getting married you know you have free will there well the bible wouldn't want you to be in an
unhealthy relationship but i mean well the other thing is i forgot to mention earlier it's also a
the article talks about how that we try to that as the world consumed and as the church goes out
and influence the culture it's the other way around where we see relationships on dating apps
as a consumer thing where we want the way we take we try to treat the person how can this person do
for me if i date this person what do i get out of it or i like this person so much i'm gonna let
them influence how i see myself that sort of thing and so yeah i mean so i would say this
i mean you can you can supplement with the heart work as much as you want outside the program
i mean i'm sure all of us do that too um you just can't bring the outside training into this
conversation just because we don't have enough information on it and so we really just try to
focus on the stuff that's in here so i would say more power to you i've always supplemented
and learned everything because we all are coming at different places in our walk
um so tim tell me since i don't know you very well tell me just like give me the two minutes
skinny on you um your age where you from are you divorced widowed never married you have kids
how'd you get here 32 from minnesota i had one girlfriend 10 years ago um how'd i get here i
posted an introduction in a facebook dating group and somebody forwarded it to jackie so
she messaged me two years ago actually wow um had a like half hour zoom call with her
finally sprung for this this year because a she had a smoking deal running and i had one day left
to grab it and b god pretty much dropped my dream girl into my life back in february and
this is my way to get myself ready and also actively wait because she's presently dating
someone else oh oh my gosh i wish you told us this sooner i would have so much fun with this
okay wait so the lord dropped so you believe that the lord dropped the perfect chick in you
she was already with somebody else um
okay guys this never leaves the call please wait hold on a second hold on
right we took a pause just for a little technical break and mike is actually encouraging um the
other men about what does it mean to like listen to the voice of god what does it mean to feel
like god's given us a direction and mike's been talking about how especially in dating
um that also includes free will so just because god directs us to something doesn't mean that
the other person still has a choice to make so i thought i would just kind of loop us back in so
if someone's watching this and replay keep going mike and there's a process and you know i always
say you need to fix your crazy so you're not attracted to the crazy and others right like
because you know um the things in you that are broken will be attracted to the broken things and
other people and that's why i love that you guys are all doing the hard work because that's why
and i love like this program because it fixes you're going to have less things you're attracted
to that are bad for you and then you come in one of these calls and renee is like whoa whoa whoa
time out you know what did you just say you're like sorry uh no red flag red flag burn run
get out of here and you're like they seem perfect yeah they're perfectly good acts murder
but like but but like in community you know um but i just encourage you god does show you things
sometimes it's for process and the other people have to agree to that process and it's and i can
tell you i haven't crushed so many times you know renee came on like last week or like are you still
hung up on that gal and i'm like no but you know but what happened was i jumped in too soon
god showed me something and i should and i should have said thank you bring it right and bring it
around and i'm gonna prepare myself in the in the meantime to be ready to receive that gift
and lord show me what i need to do so i just i just encourage you here to do that
huh that's why i'm here to do that no and i'm proud of you so i i just i just want to encourage
you because um if you pray for her it's quick things and don't linger with it because you're
your heart i wouldn't encourage you praying for her right because it attaches your heart
now if the lord tells you to do something you do that but
You know, like just, I get enamored with the idea.
And that's one of the things with Renee,
I'm like, Renee, I gotta get this out of my head
because we need to do other things
to keep our mind off of it.
And really, if it's from the Lord, it will come around.
Or he'll have something.
So I do have to say, in this process,
every single time, the next person he's brought
into my life has been an upgrade.
So like, you know, and so I was like, man,
I thought this was the end of the world.
And the next one, I'm like, wow, she's so much better.
Right, like, you know, and I really like this about her.
And I would have missed that
if it was with the other person.
And so I've actually learned what I really like too.
And I just encourage you, like, the Lord's got you.
He's got it.
Set it on the shelf.
This is what Kenton told me, set it on the shelf,
thank the Lord for it, and ask him to bring it to pass.
And then go about your day
until the gift's on your doorstep and it's open, you know?
So that's what I'm trying to do.
Well, Tim, you're in great company here.
Like, these guys are amazing.
And I believe there is a private Facebook Messenger group
of just the dudes here.
So you guys can chat with each other.
There's also the app and the Facebook page,
but I think they tend to chat in the Messenger group.
So if you're not in that group, email the admin email
to make sure that they add you to that.
And then-
I've never heard of it.
Yeah, so it's just the guys, it's not co-ed.
Because somebody asked me about that two weeks ago.
They're like, oh, so are you on this?
So it's on the Facebook page, Men's 1822.
Isn't it called Proverbs 1822?
Or is it just...
It's been so long since I've been on that page.
Well, all you have to do
is if you email the admin at JackieDorman.com,
they will hook you up and get you connected in that page.
It's the 1822 Men's Monthly Group is what it's called.
Oh, 1822 Men's Monthly Group.
Okay, so ask them to get connected in that group
to make sure.
And that's how you'll have access to all of these guys
so you guys can chat with each other
and encourage each other.
But Tim, like I promise, I apologize.
You looked familiar.
Apparently, you looked like the other Tim.
So I normally would have had you introduced yourself.
And then, but usually when I'm on,
you guys, I will say this.
When I'm on, I'm always gonna say,
is there anything with the heart work you wanna go over?
Is there any dating questions you have?
And kind of like what I did for Circles,
I'm gonna always have something ready to teach
in case you've got nothing for me.
So whenever you see me, that's what it's always gonna be.
So be prepared.
So just know that I'll be willing to do
any one of those three when we get on.
Does anybody else have anything else burning
you wanted to share, ask, or tell?
Yes, Dave.
Yeah, so I guess this has kind of been
in the back of my mind.
I know we talked about it earlier,
but has anyone in this group right now
ever got a response from the spotlight?
Because I know most of the guys in here have done one,
but I don't think any of them,
from what I've been told,
have had a response from the spotlight.
I had one when I was on the dating game,
but it didn't, she couldn't relocate
and I couldn't relocate.
So it was, which was actually really sad.
I mean, because I really dug her.
But like, so I did have that one.
Abram, have you been?
I have been tracked down by a lady
that saw me on one of the things,
and she messaged me first and all that.
She found my Instagram and yeah.
So I think that when people really want to find you,
they will, or if you do a request on Facebook
and they don't respond in a couple of weeks,
I mean, either they're not active,
which is probably not good on their end,
but if they're into it, they're into it.
So yeah, that's happened to me once.
Did you get spotlighted this year?
I know I've already asked you.
Yeah, I got spotlighted quite a few months ago.
I was on a dating game show where there was like-
Oh my gosh, you did that one too?
Okay, fun.
Yeah, there was like seven of them.
And I was like, this is crazy,
but they're all, not one lived in California,
which is a bummer.
But yeah, yeah.
And what about you, John?
John, have you been?
No, I haven't been spotlighted yet.
Okay, all right.
I'm gonna be-
John's ready, dude.
John's ready.
Go John, go John.
I just put your name down.
John's ready, dude.
John's ready.
I think so.
Renee,
Jackie said that the person that
um it's a sign to coordinate like spotlights like when people emailed in and say I don't
meet this person whether you know it was girls asking about guys or guys asking about girls
um she made it sound like that for most beginning part of this year that the person that they had
was not doing it anymore and they finally just got another person last month so that's why when
she said that I have no idea who that person is that's why I have on myself a note to ask
her who it is who who the new person is or yeah you probably know who can't do it anymore but
I don't know honestly I don't know who was doing it because I was kind of not involved
in that level of detail so I don't know who used to do it and I don't know who is doing it
yeah so sorry I don't mean to interrupt but it seems like they're playing catch up now
so the last single spotlight maybe they're able to but the one before that was the one I'm in
and it's been like crickets so like either that or you know I'm gonna definitely I'm gonna talk
to them about two things a who's doing that what the process is looking like because I don't want
people because I don't want women going through all this trouble of like you know putting together
things and then not getting to and or I want to see what the status is on letting you guys see
each other's profile because I think that will go back to what Abram was saying way back at the
beginning of it just would be a fast way to be like you guys could jot down during like a
Supernatural Saturday like oh my gosh who's Jen and then you go to thing and you can look her up
and you can be like oh no or yeah okay I'll reach out to her so I'm gonna find out about those two
things definitely before I see you guys next okay yeah Jackie didn't really say but she made it
like it was at least four months of backlog so at least four single spotlights like there was no
one really around to do anything with but okay but that was just that was just my educated guess
that's just my educated guess I may be way wrong so well I'm gonna I'm gonna look into that and I'm
gonna get back at y'all okay all right Abram did I ask you to close us out last time
will you know mike's mike's the guy and mike is the guy would you be willing to be the guy tonight
I mean I could do it yeah go Mike Mike Mike's Mike's the man I want Mike to do it
oh okay Mike I mean that's okay you know what it is Mike turned off his camera so I wasn't sure
what he was doing behind closed doors over there oh no I just um yeah I was stretching my shoulder
I also like when Mike does it yeah all right okay all right Mike it's you man
Lord Jesus we just pray for Kenton that you would use him to bring comfort to the lady in the house
I'm not fully sure of the situation Lord but would you watch over that that whole situation
and would you bring blessing and would you bring peace and shalom and comfort and would you just be
and they may your presence dwell with them as they're passing into eternity and would you be
with the family Lord I thank you for all these amazing men on here that you would the the lion
hearted man that you you would just the line of Judah roars and every one of them and that they
would become mighty men of the mighty men of valor that you've called them to be and that
that you would help them get the skills to actually meet their spirit mates and not be afraid
and that um or that you would just give us the um the strength to wait and wait patiently and
Lord I just pray for expedition on healing and deliverance I just pray well for delay it's so
funny deliverance Lord that you would bring deliverance and anything that needs to be gone
from our lives but also Lord for deliverance of of our brides it's so funny I never thought
deliverance that way but that you bring deliverance and from singleness and that
there's so many amazing men on here would you just encourage their hearts and right now um I just
speak hope or just come against the spirit of hopelessness and say you have a great future and
you have a great relationship coming and you know it's not going to be your uh your situation is
lying to you right now the enemy is telling you it's never going to be different but it's going
to be amazing and we just just stay strong because he's got you he's with you and um I
just yeah I just speak hope and freedom we just um I just feel like just somebody with torment we
just break off any torment of mind we say you know you have a sound mind and the enemy has no place
and like we just speak freedom over everything may your weeks be blessed may the wind be behind
you and the past straight before you and may you um just encounter Jesus in a new way and
his wraparound love surround you as a shield in Jesus name amen
Amen. Good stuff. All right, guys. I see you soon. Have a blessed week.
Thank you, Renee. Amazing, as always.
Thank you.