WEBVTT

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All right, folks, it's Renee Rizzo here with the Men's Weekly Update Heart Check-In, and

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we are excited to come at you and get this time together.

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Right now, we're just talking about some dating stuff and see what folks are going through.

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And I am personally making a note to ask Jackie and David about the process for spotlighting,

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So I have a good idea of what for you guys to expect, because I would hope at the very

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least someone would get back to you guys and go like, hey, we had some people interested,

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but we weeded them out because of this, this, and this.

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They were outside your criteria, we wanted to save you the trouble, blah, blah.

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So I have a feeling that happens sometimes.

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But if you all are consistently not hearing, and the women are consistently, David, what's

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your question?

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Do you have, not sure if hosts can help with the.

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Kenton is saying he can't get on his camera.

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I guess we've lost that message.

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Are you coming in at your phone or your computer?

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Sometimes I have to go out and back in because I accidentally clicked the thing that didn't

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allow for both audio.

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You were on here twice.

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That's probably why it's messing up.

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You probably have to go off completely.

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Kenton came on here twice and it's probably interfering with itself.

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I usually quit and come back in and it's, let me see, um, yeah, because there's nothing

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I can do.

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I'm looking, I clicked on you.

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There's nothing I can do to quote unquote, make you show your video.

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Bless his little heart.

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Okay.

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Hey, Renee, real quick.

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I had a little question slash suggestion.

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I was talking about this a little bit earlier today with Abram.

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When the ladies are on a call and it's, you know, both guys and ladies, whether it's,

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you know, a spotlight or whatever, or, um, it, it would be very helpful.

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Like if the ladies don't want to divulge their exact age, like if they would put down

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20s, 30s, 40s, 50s.

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So it's just get an idea of where they're at.

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And they only put that down if they're currently free and not already involved in level two

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dating.

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And also if, um, they're not still in the midst of doing a lot of heartwork yet.

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So they're not ready.

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So they don't feel rushed.

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So if they don't.

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Yeah.

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I like an idea of, um, so that's coming up with a symbol that's like, okay.

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So I was just wondering, like, is that a possibility?

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And the ones that are even more like ready to go, I mean, they've done their exact age.

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If they're going to be that bold, but yeah, I mean, somebody might put 50s, 40s, let me

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might put age range.

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Yeah.

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And I have no problem suggesting it, but like how Abram has it right now, it's great because

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he's got his name, his location and his age.

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And I would almost think that you should put a check Mark by your name.

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Is there an easy, like little check Mark or something, something that says like, yeah,

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because if I, you know, cause, um, something that lets you know that they're free, they're

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free.

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What, what my friend Phoebe told me, who's been in the program for a while, she said,

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if you're interested, you just write your name, your age and your location.

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Cause she said, and if people aren't, then they just won't have their age or their location.

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So she said, that's kind of how people go by it.

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I mean, I think an asterisk would be helpful, but I don't know that that's that.

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I will say that that may be true for some people, David, but I don't know if that's

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a, that's not a, it's not a rule.

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That's not a rule.

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I don't know how, I don't know how figuring it out.

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Cause I can honestly tell you, there was plenty of times in this program, I've been single

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ready to mingle.

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And I never did that.

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So I missed the memo.

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So I missed the memo.

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It's hard to understand like where people are at, because the most I've ever seen is

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ladies just put their full name and nothing else.

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Or they might add their state, but they're not going to add their age.

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Like I've maybe saw one person maybe lately that did all three like state age and name.

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I will, I have no problem suggesting that I'm actually going to be doing single spotlight

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again on the 18th.

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I have no problem suggesting that I can't make it a hard role.

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Right.

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And people are lazy and some people go, I have no idea how to change it.

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Whatever.

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But I can just say, and which is why I said, make sure your name matches your, your profile,

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your handle.

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Like sometimes we can't find people because we have no idea what their handle is.

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So I'll definitely say like, Hey, if you put your full name, if you put your, um, and then

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you can put thirties, you can put late thirties, mid thirties, it can, you know, people can

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put a range.

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I think some women might feel like weird about their age, but let's say, let's face it.

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Like some people are just weird about age.

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Like I just tried to introduce two of my girlfriends who were late fifties.

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Like me, I met these two nice guys at church.

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I would have sworn they were my age.

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They looked that good of shape and one was 64 and both of my girlfriends are like, no,

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that's too old.

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I'm like, stop it.

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Like, and I get it.

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I used to be that way.

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Like I used to be super picky about that, but I'm like, you guys, as we're creeping

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up in age, like if a, you don't want to get dinged for being too old, then like, let's

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not assume.

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And it's like, it's, I think people's fear with age is like, I'm going to have to take

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care of them or whatever.

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Like, okay, well you are anyway.

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So like if you married them, I don't know.

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So I have no problem suggesting that.

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I think it's a great idea.

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Um, I don't know how universal it'll be.

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I'm trying to think of, what are my options here if I go to rename, see, like I'd have

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to have a little emoji for a check mark and that was not, that would not be easy.

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Like I'm trying to think what's a little, Oh, let's look at our character.

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Like if I did, no, that's a creepy thing.

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Hmm.

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I'm looking at which one of these things on the keyboard is like free, like for, uh, Abram

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and myself, we just put our age and he said, ready as an available.

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That's not good.

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That's not, Oh, do you do for them to do?

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Um, I don't know.

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I, I want, I'm trying to find a word less.

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Oh, I say I like what Mike has or like the cute little winky winky, but I don't think

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it's as easy to find Mr.

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Winky winky.

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How did you do the, how did you get that on your thing?

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Mike?

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I just clicked my emoji button on the bottom.

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Oh, you know, it's probably easier from your phone.

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Isn't it?

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Yeah, probably.

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Yeah.

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You go to, you go to your name, you go to rename.

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Yeah.

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And then, so it gives me just a standard, the standard thing.

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Yeah.

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Cause I'm in the rename now for my computer and it's really, I mean, I'm

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like looking at my keyboard.

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Um, it would be like, Oh, wait, wait too much.

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What is this?

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Sorry.

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Um, 50s.

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I would actually just put the state.

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I wouldn't put the city.

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I just think the state's good enough.

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Um, Oh, um, yeah.

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I mean, I do like the available.

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I mean, worst case scenario.

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I mean, you definitely know what somebody is, right?

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I mean, if it says available, okay.

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Oh yeah.

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Look, look at my question.

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Did, did you guys bring that up?

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Because you're getting women who are quote unquote doing heartwork and

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not trying to date right now.

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Is that what's happening?

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It's just too much of an unknown.

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That's where I'm coming from.

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I don't like to guess.

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And I, and the other thing is, um,

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why do you, would you mind just having a woman say back to you?

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Like, Hey, I'm already seeing somebody.

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Okay.

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I guess that's not such a big deal, but like the other thing is it's

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really hard for me to tell, especially some women, sometimes when I see

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them, I think they're in their thirties.

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Other times I think they're in their late forties and it's really hard to tell.

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I don't want to go outside my age range because I'm with you on the age

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and I'm with you on the location.

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I just think you might need to like, um, be okay with having her say,

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um, I'm seeing somebody right now because on any given day that might

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change and they might not forget to change their, their thing that in

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that given time period, but I definitely think their name and age and possibly

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location, the reason why some people may not want to put their location

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because they're like, I'm ready to move, man.

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Like I'm ready to move.

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Um, or I work remote.

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And so if you're in like Texas, you might write off a woman in New York.

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Who's like been chomping at the bit to go South.

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And so I wouldn't want you to do that.

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So I will say this, um, now, are you finding David that women are older

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than you realize are younger than you realize that's, um, I don't know.

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It seems to be like.

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pulled out. Okay, so you're 51. Tell me what your age range is.

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I'm like 1112 years, I'm going to go above that, like more, but

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I'm not. So you're like 40, a 40 year old woman is the youngest

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you're gonna go up to like 55?

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Yeah, well, 38, I guess, but like, I, you know, to me, it's

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like, what, a couple months ago, Jackie made a big thing about

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like, 15 years is kind of like too much. Difficult. And to me,

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just personally, I'm like, 17. Like, I'm almost old enough to

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be your dad. And like, I don't want to be doing that. Like,

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yeah, I mean, I will say this, I, it does happen in real life,

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right? In the real life, when you see somebody, you can fall

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in love with somebody outside of your like, quote, unquote, age

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range. But would I typically at 37 years old be talking to a

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man in his 50s? No, I would not be. That would feel like, it's

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one thing to go into the next decade with a guy. It's another

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thing when you jump two decades. Does that make sense? Like, you

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know, I mean, 3852. That sounds like I mean, it's like you're

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off. I just bypassed my 40s. And now, whoo, 50s. What you got,

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So I think for me, my age range is pretty high. Like, I wouldn't

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go younger, but I would date a woman who's probably 51. Even

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like, that's probably as high as I would go. And I think for but

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my family is like, they're not okay with that. So but I mean,

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like, for me, as long as you be willing in the season of wanting

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to have little kids, and raise little kids, that's like, where

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I'm at. So

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yeah. And I know there's plenty of women in this program that

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just turned 50 that would love to have kids. And how old are

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you? You're mid 30s? Late 30s?

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I'm early 30s. I'm 33.

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Oh, yeah, dude, you know? No, no.

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That's what my mother says.

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Your mother knows better. You know, here's why a woman in her

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50s, she is already in perimenopause, possibly heading

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towards menopause. Could she have kids? Sure, maybe. But her

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hormones are in a completely different season. So if you're a

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young 30, I promise you there are women in their 40s that are

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right for you. I would, I could, I could see you going 10, 12

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years up. But I, I think it would be, I would be hard

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pressed to recommend somebody in their 50s to you.

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Yeah, I'm laughing because my mom said, you know, you should

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talk to your new friend, Renee. I'm sure she will probably talk

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you out of women in their 50s. And she gave the examples you

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did. And she goes, menopause is rough.

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You don't have to get on that ride. Like you can just meet

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someone who's your age. Like, yeah. So anyway, my mom

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literally was like, talk to your friend Renee about that.

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And I was like, I will say this to you guys. I am definitely

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gonna. I'm also going to check because Jackie mentioned that

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she was going to open up the portal to spirit mate match. So

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you guys could find each other. Yeah, when is that going to

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happen? No, I'm making a note to ask her because I know that she

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was going to just let you guys see and at first she was like, I

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think she was waiting to have an eat more equal number. But

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there's so many women in the community that you guys might

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not even be trying to reach out to. But if you at least saw her

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profile, well, Abram, the reason why they don't post there is

236
00:13:44.400 --> 00:13:48.940
that they're really not there. I created that the all community

237
00:13:49.220 --> 00:13:54.060
app, I created that I was trying to get them to like, agree to

238
00:13:54.060 --> 00:13:58.300
put the men and women together in one place. And we only added

239
00:13:58.300 --> 00:14:02.640
like, I don't know, 50, the first 50 women. And I think

240
00:14:02.640 --> 00:14:06.460
Jackie decided not to do that. So we stopped adding women. So

241
00:14:06.520 --> 00:14:10.940
the reason why there's nobody responding in there is yeah,

242
00:14:10.940 --> 00:14:15.440
there really is it it's not it's not, it's not used, it's not

243
00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:20.480
promoted. And so there might be a few straggler people, but I

244
00:14:20.800 --> 00:14:26.520
did want to get that going. So I didn't really know. So that

245
00:14:26.520 --> 00:14:29.760
didn't really work out. But the spirit mate match, you guys

246
00:14:29.760 --> 00:14:33.120
being able to find each other would actually eliminate a lot

247
00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:36.240
of what you guys are worrying about. Because it would show you

248
00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:39.300
their age, it would show you what they're looking for. Can

249
00:14:39.340 --> 00:14:43.920
they relocate? Do they want kids? So I'm going to go ahead

250
00:14:44.180 --> 00:14:47.900
and find out what the status is. Because the last time I heard it

251
00:14:47.900 --> 00:14:50.980
was easily a month ago, she said she was going to give you guys

252
00:14:52.080 --> 00:14:54.440
access to be able to see each other.

253
00:14:55.040 --> 00:14:58.660
I didn't write it out. She's like, Oh, no, who let everybody

254
00:14:58.660 --> 00:14:59.980
know by because there's only

255
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:01.240
Five of you I'm talking to.

256
00:15:01.460 --> 00:15:03.740
So we kept it to the grave, but just, you know,

257
00:15:04.700 --> 00:15:06.020
wait, say that again, Mike.

258
00:15:06.440 --> 00:15:09.880
So Jackie's like, I'm telling only a few people about this. Right.

259
00:15:09.900 --> 00:15:11.100
But now you're saying it to everybody.

260
00:15:12.020 --> 00:15:13.640
But yeah, that it hasn't been available.

261
00:15:13.760 --> 00:15:15.440
So I was wondering when it was going to go down.

262
00:15:16.300 --> 00:15:18.840
Yeah, I will. I will find the scoop.

263
00:15:19.440 --> 00:15:23.160
And the next time and we'll get back to you guys on that.

264
00:15:23.440 --> 00:15:26.860
I may even when I'll try to get the information by the time

265
00:15:26.860 --> 00:15:29.400
I do the single spotlight so I can tell everybody that.

266
00:15:30.460 --> 00:15:31.460
Because it's sure.

267
00:15:31.820 --> 00:15:36.300
And honestly, it would make it easier even after single spotlight,

268
00:15:36.440 --> 00:15:38.780
like you might get a bunch of women reaching out to you

269
00:15:38.780 --> 00:15:41.780
that you don't want to talk to, but let you be the one to weed that out.

270
00:15:41.780 --> 00:15:43.500
As far as I'm concerned, like.

271
00:15:44.140 --> 00:15:47.000
You know, you can handle it, you can kind of handle it.

272
00:15:48.500 --> 00:15:52.200
OK, so are you guys finding

273
00:15:52.200 --> 00:15:55.100
because we actually used to have couples from spotlights

274
00:15:55.100 --> 00:15:57.800
that actually get married and actually meet other people?

275
00:15:57.800 --> 00:16:02.940
Are you feeling like it's really hard to try to find the women in this community?

276
00:16:03.020 --> 00:16:05.120
Like there's hundreds of them.

277
00:16:05.120 --> 00:16:06.960
There's way more of them than y'all.

278
00:16:07.040 --> 00:16:10.220
But are you finding it hard to find them?

279
00:16:10.680 --> 00:16:12.800
Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

280
00:16:12.820 --> 00:16:17.680
And and any of them like Kimberly, even really even can see

281
00:16:17.820 --> 00:16:21.620
like nobody's on camera and then the one, you know, and the ones on camera

282
00:16:21.660 --> 00:16:23.720
get hits, I'm sure. Right.

283
00:16:23.720 --> 00:16:25.980
But everybody else, it's like, you know, you know,

284
00:16:25.980 --> 00:16:28.860
and then their profile picture is like, well, and then there's some folks

285
00:16:28.860 --> 00:16:32.020
that are should be on camera or on camera, like, oh, yeah.

286
00:16:33.240 --> 00:16:34.140
Didn't want to say that.

287
00:16:34.300 --> 00:16:36.780
But yeah, but like and then there's like their profile picture.

288
00:16:36.980 --> 00:16:40.400
And then they're like, oh, that was like 20 years ago.

289
00:16:40.800 --> 00:16:44.700
I mean, and it's like it's just like it's like, oh, I'm back on apps again.

290
00:16:44.760 --> 00:16:47.020
Right. You know, I mean, for sure.

291
00:16:47.160 --> 00:16:49.440
For sure. I'm feeling you on that.

292
00:16:49.480 --> 00:16:51.960
Like I look at I look at some of them and I'm like.

293
00:16:52.940 --> 00:16:57.380
Now, granted, mine's like there's like one that I have set up for Zoom

294
00:16:57.380 --> 00:17:01.480
and it's like I did a photo shoot for my website, it's now three years old.

295
00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:04.560
I'd like to say on a good day, I look like that, but

296
00:17:05.260 --> 00:17:07.040
I probably don't look like that either.

297
00:17:08.839 --> 00:17:13.240
But I mean, so sometimes people put like their promo shot up.

298
00:17:13.940 --> 00:17:16.640
But I think if it's within reason, within reason, right.

299
00:17:16.960 --> 00:17:18.060
Percent, 100 percent.

300
00:17:18.060 --> 00:17:22.540
I'm making notes here because you guys are giving me some good suggestions.

301
00:17:23.500 --> 00:17:27.800
OK, tell me for those of you, how many of you guys is anybody

302
00:17:27.800 --> 00:17:30.340
going to the five year celebration?

303
00:17:30.560 --> 00:17:33.340
Because I think at least 100 women are signed up for that.

304
00:17:33.840 --> 00:17:35.800
Well, I'm trying to get out there myself.

305
00:17:36.080 --> 00:17:38.220
Just trying to convince other people to come with me.

306
00:17:38.700 --> 00:17:39.900
Oh, awesome, Kenton.

307
00:17:40.120 --> 00:17:42.440
By the way, somebody asked me about you.

308
00:17:42.540 --> 00:17:44.140
Well, they did. That's nice.

309
00:17:45.180 --> 00:17:47.200
Who was it? Who was it?

310
00:17:47.200 --> 00:17:48.760
Wait, wait.

311
00:17:48.900 --> 00:17:51.160
She's she private messaged me.

312
00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:54.720
So you need to go find her and see what you think,

313
00:17:54.720 --> 00:17:57.920
because I didn't really know how I wasn't at the time.

314
00:17:57.920 --> 00:17:59.840
I didn't know I was going to be on tonight.

315
00:18:00.540 --> 00:18:02.780
I was like, I don't know how to connect you with them.

316
00:18:02.780 --> 00:18:05.000
Like, let them know. So hold on. Let me find it.

317
00:18:05.000 --> 00:18:06.100
I'll tell you who she is.

318
00:18:06.300 --> 00:18:08.000
You want me to tell you in front of everybody else?

319
00:18:08.340 --> 00:18:08.960
Well, I don't mind.

320
00:18:09.900 --> 00:18:11.820
I'm not very private about much.

321
00:18:13.060 --> 00:18:15.080
OK. Oh, she looks very pretty.

322
00:18:16.940 --> 00:18:21.320
OK. She's regarding this 64 year old man.

323
00:18:21.440 --> 00:18:23.220
That's you, right? It's got to be you.

324
00:18:23.720 --> 00:18:24.960
Sixty six. Yeah.

325
00:18:25.100 --> 00:18:26.800
OK, well, that's close enough.

326
00:18:26.900 --> 00:18:27.940
Right. She's five.

327
00:18:28.020 --> 00:18:29.880
Does it matter? Five years difference?

328
00:18:29.940 --> 00:18:31.520
No, no, no. She's five.

329
00:18:31.520 --> 00:18:33.160
Ten. How tall are you?

330
00:18:33.240 --> 00:18:34.320
Five, five, six.

331
00:18:35.040 --> 00:18:35.900
OK, that's fine.

332
00:18:36.440 --> 00:18:40.160
She also has a seven year old son.

333
00:18:42.000 --> 00:18:43.500
On her own.

334
00:18:43.500 --> 00:18:44.520
And how old is she?

335
00:18:45.340 --> 00:18:47.940
She is did not say.

336
00:18:49.260 --> 00:18:52.220
Let me see. Her name is Joan Kavanaugh.

337
00:18:53.660 --> 00:18:55.460
Let's go to her profile photo.

338
00:18:55.840 --> 00:18:56.340
How do you spell Kavanaugh?

339
00:18:58.100 --> 00:19:00.940
K-A-V-A-N-A-G-H.

340
00:19:02.040 --> 00:19:03.360
Joan Ellen Kavanaugh.

341
00:19:04.620 --> 00:19:06.700
She looks very sweet.

342
00:19:07.180 --> 00:19:09.420
I'd say look at me, I'm going to get in trouble.

343
00:19:09.980 --> 00:19:11.360
Wait, hold on a second.

344
00:19:11.360 --> 00:19:11.440
OK.

345
00:19:13.080 --> 00:19:15.060
Only ever comments from people the same.

346
00:19:15.940 --> 00:19:17.380
Yeah, I love it.

347
00:19:17.420 --> 00:19:20.100
All right. We just pause just for a moment there, folks.

348
00:19:20.300 --> 00:19:23.060
We had a little technicality we had to figure out and fix.

349
00:19:23.140 --> 00:19:25.480
It was just for the people that were on the call.

350
00:19:26.040 --> 00:19:27.460
Y'all didn't miss anything.

351
00:19:27.520 --> 00:19:28.860
If you're watching and replay.

352
00:19:31.180 --> 00:19:33.860
We're just trying to we're just trying to get people in love.

353
00:19:33.860 --> 00:19:34.940
OK, I love that.

354
00:19:35.220 --> 00:19:37.260
Y'all like I could be your wing woman.

355
00:19:37.860 --> 00:19:39.120
That's what we're going to do.

356
00:19:39.700 --> 00:19:43.120
Like if you want to know the scoop on people, you let me know.

357
00:19:43.280 --> 00:19:44.100
And I'll hook you up.

358
00:19:44.280 --> 00:19:45.840
Sign me up, Rizzo. You sign me up.

359
00:19:49.560 --> 00:19:50.920
I love it. OK.

360
00:19:51.560 --> 00:19:52.500
Can you come to Cali?

361
00:19:53.000 --> 00:19:54.240
Cali, I could use some help around here.

362
00:19:58.160 --> 00:19:59.980
Now, are you are you Southern or.

363
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.580
Northern Cal it's kind of central but I'm in the Bay Area, San Francisco Bay. Oh, that's right

364
00:20:05.580 --> 00:20:07.680
We had this conversation cuz I grew up in San Jose

365
00:20:07.840 --> 00:20:14.240
Yeah, you know like we have a single city, but like there's nobody I'd be the only dude there and there's nobody there

366
00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:16.260
That's even remotely interesting

367
00:20:16.520 --> 00:20:19.040
Right, and so I'm like I'm hiding

368
00:20:19.980 --> 00:20:25.720
Tell you what, I don't know how you're not with somebody in our community like I feel like you're the full package man

369
00:20:25.720 --> 00:20:32.640
Well, because the Lord told me not to do long-distance dating and then everybody don't want to do long-distance, is that right?

370
00:20:32.880 --> 00:20:39.980
Yeah, if I wanted a long distance, I have a plethora of options. I even ran some people at school the prophets, right?

371
00:20:40.380 --> 00:20:45.000
But I do have to say it's getting if she's still on here like Ken helped me really hugely the other day

372
00:20:47.640 --> 00:20:50.340
Like because so I

373
00:20:51.180 --> 00:20:52.060
have I

374
00:20:52.060 --> 00:20:52.760
See, thanks

375
00:20:53.540 --> 00:20:55.660
Constantly like, you know, especially in romantic

376
00:20:56.000 --> 00:20:59.580
The Lord shows me a myriad of things and I don't really know what to do with it

377
00:20:59.580 --> 00:21:06.520
Right and like he helped me kind of set the table better. So that way I don't get attached until it happens versus

378
00:21:06.860 --> 00:21:13.580
jumping in like with both feet because I'm like, you know, and so I just want to encourage you guys like if you have a

379
00:21:13.580 --> 00:21:15.320
tendency to see

380
00:21:15.760 --> 00:21:17.720
My so okay my ex

381
00:21:18.280 --> 00:21:20.520
Walked through the parking lot and the Lord's like you're gonna marry her

382
00:21:20.600 --> 00:21:26.480
It's right, I mean like seriously I kid you not right like and so then I

383
00:21:27.980 --> 00:21:30.280
Should have asked should I marry her but that's a whole nother quit

384
00:21:31.520 --> 00:21:36.560
I'm so glad you brought this up Mike because the one thing I wanted to do with you guys tonight is

385
00:21:37.280 --> 00:21:43.600
It's kind of like an advanced heart. It's an advanced boundaries conversation. It's called circles of intimacy and

386
00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:50.000
It really helps and I've done it with the women a lot and it really had I have to think about it all the time

387
00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:56.620
And whenever I meet with somebody private if I feel like their family or certain things are getting in their way too much

388
00:21:56.920 --> 00:22:03.420
I do this exercise with them. So do you all can you all get at your hands on a piece of paper and a pen?

389
00:22:05.340 --> 00:22:07.320
Have a little exercise I'm gonna do with you

390
00:22:09.020 --> 00:22:13.080
Because it might help this exact thing that you were just talking about

391
00:22:13.820 --> 00:22:17.480
How do you stay in this without getting so invested?

392
00:22:18.360 --> 00:22:26.980
Especially like Mike said Mike is in the prophetic. I wasn't always in the prophetic, but I am a

393
00:22:27.480 --> 00:22:35.540
Empath by nature and I see I feel all the feels really quickly and I can disarm people really fast

394
00:22:35.540 --> 00:22:40.760
And it works really well in ministry. I'm able to get people to share with me really quickly

395
00:22:40.760 --> 00:22:44.440
It was not good in dating. I had to really rein that gift in

396
00:22:45.090 --> 00:22:50.490
otherwise, I was getting too emotionally attached with people that I barely knew and

397
00:22:51.730 --> 00:22:56.770
What that's hard to do in ministry there and they not to be attached because oh, yeah, man

398
00:22:56.770 --> 00:22:57.390
Oh, yeah

399
00:22:57.390 --> 00:23:03.330
I mean, I mean it's I was too attached to everybody my donors my volunteers my staff

400
00:23:03.330 --> 00:23:09.030
I just my sister used to tease me. She's like Renee you guys stop. I'm like, I know I can't help it

401
00:23:09.030 --> 00:23:13.330
I just connect like I'm you know, I can't but I go deep really really fast

402
00:23:13.930 --> 00:23:17.330
Okay, so it's called circles of intimacy I don't want to

403
00:23:18.490 --> 00:23:21.570
Quick. I just wanted to say yes. I'm

404
00:23:21.570 --> 00:23:23.990
Already signed up for the five-year anniversary. That's all

405
00:23:24.650 --> 00:23:29.490
We're gonna meet each other in person. Okay. Here's the thing to you guys like

406
00:23:29.810 --> 00:23:32.150
I'm actually gonna be bringing Brian too

407
00:23:32.150 --> 00:23:38.030
So you guys get to meet the man the one that was brave enough to it was funny though

408
00:23:38.030 --> 00:23:39.850
Mike and you might you've been on long enough

409
00:23:39.850 --> 00:23:45.250
There were a few single spotlights like women were like, oh my gosh, you guys had so much chemistry

410
00:23:45.250 --> 00:23:49.110
He should you should totally go out with him. I'm like, I totally tried he said no

411
00:23:50.430 --> 00:23:53.970
There were a few single spotlights, I'm like, hey, I think we're gelling

412
00:23:55.550 --> 00:24:03.210
But no, okay, so I want you to at least draw it looks like this like these a bunch of circles and

413
00:24:04.110 --> 00:24:08.270
Mm-hmm. I want you to draw a one in the first circle

414
00:24:08.670 --> 00:24:13.370
To a to B and then do three four or five just do up to five circles

415
00:24:15.810 --> 00:24:18.190
One two a to B three four five

416
00:24:19.950 --> 00:24:20.550
Obviously

417
00:24:21.050 --> 00:24:24.610
The closer to the center that's the closest to your heart

418
00:24:24.730 --> 00:24:28.470
So I want you to think about it says circles of intimacy

419
00:24:29.030 --> 00:24:30.670
responsibility and impact

420
00:24:31.270 --> 00:24:36.430
So I want you to think specifically of either people

421
00:24:37.770 --> 00:24:40.030
ministries your job

422
00:24:40.890 --> 00:24:41.530
anything

423
00:24:41.930 --> 00:24:43.850
your spirit life

424
00:24:44.270 --> 00:24:46.950
anything that takes up intimacy

425
00:24:47.330 --> 00:24:53.150
Responsibility or has an impact on you and I don't want to cheat and give you any more answers than that

426
00:24:53.770 --> 00:24:59.970
So who or what you put in any circle? I want the Lord to kind of just tell you real quick

427
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.640
what you think that is.

428
00:25:01.780 --> 00:25:02.900
And there's, I don't want you to do,

429
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:04.520
I don't want you to write there

430
00:25:04.540 --> 00:25:06.280
what you think it should be.

431
00:25:07.040 --> 00:25:08.640
I want you to put in the circles

432
00:25:08.940 --> 00:25:11.160
how much space these people or things

433
00:25:11.160 --> 00:25:12.460
are taking up in your life.

434
00:25:12.700 --> 00:25:15.260
Obviously, if you put something in the first circle,

435
00:25:15.380 --> 00:25:17.400
it is taking up a lot of energy.

436
00:25:17.820 --> 00:25:20.220
Like losing that would break your heart.

437
00:25:21.100 --> 00:25:22.980
And that would be true for anything

438
00:25:22.980 --> 00:25:24.240
in the first few circles.

439
00:25:24.420 --> 00:25:27.920
If you lost it, it would be a big loss for you.

440
00:25:28.980 --> 00:25:30.620
So don't tell me what you think.

441
00:25:30.840 --> 00:25:34.880
So kind of just take, I'll give you two minutes

442
00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:38.520
and you can have one name or one thing in a circle

443
00:25:38.520 --> 00:25:40.800
or you can have 10, it doesn't matter.

444
00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:43.440
Or we just talk about people or things.

445
00:25:43.780 --> 00:25:47.660
Anything that takes up energy in your heart right now,

446
00:25:47.780 --> 00:25:49.520
in your mind, if it's like,

447
00:25:49.520 --> 00:25:52.240
so for the longest time when I was running Hope Clinic,

448
00:25:53.100 --> 00:25:54.800
Hope Clinic had a place on that circle

449
00:25:54.800 --> 00:25:56.480
because it was my ministry

450
00:25:56.500 --> 00:25:59.000
and it sucked the life force out of me.

451
00:25:59.560 --> 00:26:01.640
It was on way too big of a circle.

452
00:26:05.840 --> 00:26:07.700
So if it's taken up energy,

453
00:26:08.280 --> 00:26:09.940
if you're losing sleep over it,

454
00:26:10.300 --> 00:26:11.520
if it matters to you,

455
00:26:11.540 --> 00:26:13.420
if there's a high level of intimacy,

456
00:26:14.060 --> 00:26:15.900
responsibility or impact, those are the three words.

457
00:26:16.540 --> 00:26:18.180
Do I have intimacy with this?

458
00:26:18.580 --> 00:26:20.520
Do I feel responsible for it?

459
00:26:20.640 --> 00:26:23.840
And does it have impact on me, especially if I lost it?

460
00:26:25.100 --> 00:26:27.220
And this is not an exhaustive list

461
00:26:27.280 --> 00:26:28.620
because you guys after,

462
00:26:28.760 --> 00:26:30.480
I'm just gonna teach you how to do it

463
00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:32.460
and then you're gonna really pray about it.

464
00:26:32.460 --> 00:26:33.860
And I'd love to hear your thoughts

465
00:26:33.860 --> 00:26:36.220
when I see you guys in a couple of weeks again.

466
00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:38.720
I'd love to see how this might shift

467
00:26:39.020 --> 00:26:40.400
because to Mike's point,

468
00:26:40.400 --> 00:26:42.400
I'm gonna tell you where the people you date

469
00:26:42.400 --> 00:26:43.600
need to be on these circles.

470
00:26:44.020 --> 00:26:44.420
Okay.

471
00:26:44.440 --> 00:26:46.540
Are you guys ready for me to give you the answers

472
00:26:47.380 --> 00:26:50.320
of what a healthy circle should look like?

473
00:26:50.500 --> 00:26:53.580
Just wondering is one higher or five higher

474
00:26:53.580 --> 00:26:54.580
the way this is set up?

475
00:26:54.580 --> 00:26:57.440
So the one is closest to your heart.

476
00:26:57.600 --> 00:26:59.160
So that's like the closest to your core.

477
00:26:59.380 --> 00:27:02.340
So the one should be your most important thing.

478
00:27:03.260 --> 00:27:05.660
And you said intimacy, impact and what?

479
00:27:06.860 --> 00:27:07.380
Responsibility.

480
00:27:07.740 --> 00:27:09.080
So if you had kids,

481
00:27:09.860 --> 00:27:11.560
you're very responsible for your children.

482
00:27:11.740 --> 00:27:13.140
So your children, if you have children,

483
00:27:13.240 --> 00:27:15.760
they should be hopefully somewhere in these circles.

484
00:27:17.780 --> 00:27:19.820
Unless your children are grown

485
00:27:19.820 --> 00:27:22.340
and you've kicked them out and they're way out there.

486
00:27:22.980 --> 00:27:25.280
So you either have responsibility for them,

487
00:27:25.780 --> 00:27:26.800
intimacy or impact.

488
00:27:27.060 --> 00:27:28.860
Those are kind of the three words.

489
00:27:29.480 --> 00:27:30.920
And you might wanna do,

490
00:27:32.620 --> 00:27:36.280
this is, it's like Marilyn Murray

491
00:27:36.280 --> 00:27:37.860
is the one that kind of created this.

492
00:27:37.920 --> 00:27:38.800
And it's really just like,

493
00:27:38.880 --> 00:27:41.060
I call it boundaries on fire

494
00:27:41.080 --> 00:27:42.580
because I don't know about you,

495
00:27:42.620 --> 00:27:43.880
but whenever I think of boundaries,

496
00:27:43.880 --> 00:27:45.680
I think of who's in, who's out.

497
00:27:46.080 --> 00:27:48.720
And this kind of goes down to a deeper level,

498
00:27:48.900 --> 00:27:50.620
especially as you're dating and how to,

499
00:27:50.620 --> 00:27:52.540
and really to me, this really,

500
00:27:52.960 --> 00:27:56.020
especially in dating, this helps me know

501
00:27:56.020 --> 00:27:58.360
if I'm only at a level one, two or three

502
00:27:58.360 --> 00:28:00.280
with dating where he should be on a circle.

503
00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:01.160
Okay.

504
00:28:01.580 --> 00:28:05.300
So here's what ideal situation looks like.

505
00:28:06.460 --> 00:28:09.480
In circle one, guess who should be in the first circle?

506
00:28:09.720 --> 00:28:11.480
There's two people in the first circle.

507
00:28:13.480 --> 00:28:14.760
You and God.

508
00:28:16.280 --> 00:28:18.060
You and God should be in circle.

509
00:28:18.140 --> 00:28:19.420
Do you see the balloons?

510
00:28:19.420 --> 00:28:20.400
What's with the balloons?

511
00:28:21.160 --> 00:28:22.280
I don't know how that happens.

512
00:28:22.820 --> 00:28:23.140
Okay.

513
00:28:23.160 --> 00:28:25.200
This is God and you.

514
00:28:26.380 --> 00:28:29.560
If, how many of you guys did not have you

515
00:28:29.560 --> 00:28:30.420
in the first circle?

516
00:28:31.560 --> 00:28:34.040
How many of you didn't have yourself anywhere?

517
00:28:34.940 --> 00:28:38.000
I wouldn't, would have if,

518
00:28:38.040 --> 00:28:39.360
but you hadn't done this to me before,

519
00:28:39.380 --> 00:28:40.120
so I cheated.

520
00:28:44.340 --> 00:28:44.900
Right.

521
00:28:44.900 --> 00:28:45.180
Okay.

522
00:28:45.180 --> 00:28:48.080
So most of us people, please, in codependence,

523
00:28:48.080 --> 00:28:51.040
we're not anywhere on the list, nowhere.

524
00:28:51.580 --> 00:28:53.660
We are not taking care of ourselves.

525
00:28:54.760 --> 00:28:55.000
Okay.

526
00:28:55.660 --> 00:28:59.320
So if you only have you in circle one,

527
00:28:59.360 --> 00:29:01.940
so if you forgot God, you ditched him,

528
00:29:02.120 --> 00:29:05.660
you are at risk of becoming either selfish,

529
00:29:06.300 --> 00:29:09.620
narcissistic or people-pleasing, codependent and exhausted.

530
00:29:09.820 --> 00:29:11.880
You're gonna be either one or the other

531
00:29:11.880 --> 00:29:13.340
in that drama triangle.

532
00:29:13.340 --> 00:29:15.420
You're gonna be the one rescuing everybody

533
00:29:15.420 --> 00:29:17.780
or you're gonna be the one taking from everybody.

534
00:29:17.780 --> 00:29:19.460
If you don't have God in the center,

535
00:29:19.540 --> 00:29:21.180
in that circle with you,

536
00:29:21.280 --> 00:29:22.960
you're gonna either get exhausted

537
00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:24.940
or just take from other people.

538
00:29:25.340 --> 00:29:27.740
If you only have God in the center,

539
00:29:28.340 --> 00:29:31.420
you are likely to be kind of that martyr person

540
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:34.820
or really kind of sucked into that religious.

541
00:29:35.800 --> 00:29:35.800


542
00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:38.860
Only you can keep you healthy.

543
00:29:39.000 --> 00:29:41.300
So you and God have to be in that center circle.

544
00:29:41.840 --> 00:29:44.780
Does anybody have anybody else besides you and God

545
00:29:44.780 --> 00:29:45.840
in that first circle?

546
00:29:49.620 --> 00:29:52.020
Because after my dad died,

547
00:29:52.740 --> 00:29:54.140
very suddenly and unexpectedly,

548
00:29:54.800 --> 00:29:56.780
my mom was actually going through a divorce

549
00:29:56.780 --> 00:29:59.980
from my very abusive stepfather and she was 79 years old.

550
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.680
years old. And I was kind of freaking out and I was actually doing a level two training

551
00:30:04.680 --> 00:30:11.420
of this. And Marilyn said to me at 84 years old, she's like, Renee, your mother is not

552
00:30:11.420 --> 00:30:18.560
your responsibility. Like if she dies, it's not your responsibility. And I'm like, I was

553
00:30:18.560 --> 00:30:22.720
just devastated because I was so afraid of losing another parent. I had actually put

554
00:30:22.720 --> 00:30:28.220
my mother in that center circle with me. Like I was worrying literally about everything.

555
00:30:29.080 --> 00:30:35.320
And so she's like, you've got to kick her out of the first circle. And I was like, no,

556
00:30:36.020 --> 00:30:42.980
you know, so we will put our children, our job, an addiction, any, in any given time

557
00:30:42.980 --> 00:30:49.140
we will let something creep into that center circle. Okay. Um, so here's the important

558
00:30:48.940 --> 00:30:55.120
thing. Um, if you have anyone or anything else in circle one, besides God in you, it

559
00:30:55.120 --> 00:30:59.320
will cause you to probably be dysfunctional, either intellectually, emotionally, physically,

560
00:30:59.380 --> 00:31:05.740
or spiritually in all your relationships. You can only be intimate with someone else.

561
00:31:05.840 --> 00:31:11.340
Even God to the degree with which you are intimate and knowing yourself. Otherwise you

562
00:31:11.340 --> 00:31:17.140
will look to others to fill yourself. So first, your first level of intimacy is with yourself.

563
00:31:17.260 --> 00:31:22.540
Then it is with God. Okay. Does anybody want to take a crack at what should be in two a

564
00:31:22.540 --> 00:31:32.640
and two B? Spouse and kids. Yeah, that's it. So, um, in the circle is the parent or

565
00:31:32.640 --> 00:31:38.180
primary caretaker if you're a child. So, um, but obviously it would be that, um, it's going

566
00:31:38.180 --> 00:31:47.780
to be to two a is your spouse or very significant other. Now I dated this guy briefly that like

567
00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:52.660
within three weeks insisted he should be in my number two spot. I'm like, whoa there

568
00:31:53.360 --> 00:31:59.880
bucko and you may do this. Like you may create a lot of energy with a girl right away that

569
00:31:59.880 --> 00:32:05.080
you put her in that second circle. She has not earned that place yet. She does not, I

570
00:32:05.080 --> 00:32:11.500
mean, no one, I mean, I'm talking level three and you're talking about marriage level three.

571
00:32:11.740 --> 00:32:17.160
That's only when she, especially if it puts her in front of your children. Um, especially

572
00:32:17.160 --> 00:32:22.440
and then, and then the second one is children living at home or under your care. So if you

573
00:32:22.440 --> 00:32:28.320
had a disabled child, um, that you were caring for, um, children living in your home. So

574
00:32:28.320 --> 00:32:33.520
if you're, if your children are grown, they would probably bump to circle three or four.

575
00:32:33.620 --> 00:32:37.480
But if you have children that you are taking care of in your home that are dependent on

576
00:32:37.480 --> 00:32:43.120
you, they're in that third circle. It is why you guys, sometimes you'll notice why blending

577
00:32:43.120 --> 00:32:49.080
families is so difficult because sometimes the significant other is in the number three

578
00:32:49.080 --> 00:32:56.620
spot. So the kid knows the kid still comes first, right? And so sometimes when you start

579
00:32:56.620 --> 00:33:03.220
dating, you don't move the dating person into the, the spot until engagement. And all of

580
00:33:03.220 --> 00:33:09.520
a sudden the kids are like, Whoa, who's this person? And you're wondering why your kids

581
00:33:09.520 --> 00:33:14.700
are reacting to somebody they liked last week. Literally. You're like, wait, you just

582
00:33:14.700 --> 00:33:20.640
like Jane. Why don't you like Jane now? Because they now realize Jane just bumped in the circle.

583
00:33:21.640 --> 00:33:27.860
And so you have to have honest and healthy conversations with your children to own that

584
00:33:27.860 --> 00:33:34.280
the shift has happened, but still reminding them how valuable they are. So I don't know

585
00:33:34.280 --> 00:33:39.180
about you, but like that made so much sense for me. I'm like, Oh my gosh, like I didn't

586
00:33:39.180 --> 00:33:45.620
know that that happens. And it really does happen, especially for you guys. If you have

587
00:33:45.840 --> 00:33:52.120
girls, if you have teenage girls or young adult women and they love the woman you're

588
00:33:52.120 --> 00:33:57.040
dating, but then all of a sudden she gets engaged to you or you're talking about engagement,

589
00:33:57.460 --> 00:34:02.180
they're starting to wonder why she's there. Your girls are starting to wig out. Girls

590
00:34:02.180 --> 00:34:08.080
tend to have a harder time with a step mom in the story than any other scenario. Um,

591
00:34:08.080 --> 00:34:12.580
it can be a beautiful and a good thing. And so I'm not telling you not to do it, but it

592
00:34:12.580 --> 00:34:17.820
does help you be prepared for that as opposed to getting mad at your kids why it's actually

593
00:34:18.260 --> 00:34:25.760
happening. Okay. Um, as an adult, if you are not in a significant relationship, what goes

594
00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:34.860
into it? Not your job, not your job. So this is the problem a lot of us have as a single

595
00:34:34.860 --> 00:34:42.880
person is we put our job and our ministry work in the two a spot. So whatever ministry

596
00:34:43.260 --> 00:34:48.239
you're involved in, no matter how much you love it, it should not go in the two a spot.

597
00:34:48.820 --> 00:34:52.659
And some of us that are workaholics, you know, we're going to let all the married people

598
00:34:52.659 --> 00:34:56.320
go home or all whatever, go home to their kids. And so we're going to keep working.

599
00:34:56.620 --> 00:34:59.800
Our job and our ministry should not jump into the two a spot.

600
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.060
I can 100% tell you at times Hope Clinic was my spouse.

601
00:35:04.340 --> 00:35:06.800
And I would actually argue for a long time

602
00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:09.060
Hope Clinic was 2A and 2B.

603
00:35:09.380 --> 00:35:11.160
And now I ran a pregnancy center,

604
00:35:11.240 --> 00:35:12.760
so we saved babies, right?

605
00:35:12.760 --> 00:35:16.020
And so when I stepped down from my job at Hope Clinic,

606
00:35:16.340 --> 00:35:17.720
this is what I say to people,

607
00:35:18.140 --> 00:35:20.040
I didn't just leave my job,

608
00:35:20.080 --> 00:35:22.740
which should have been probably circle four or five,

609
00:35:23.160 --> 00:35:26.400
because I had Hope Clinic in the 2A and 2B spot,

610
00:35:26.540 --> 00:35:28.820
it literally felt like I got divorced

611
00:35:28.820 --> 00:35:30.580
and gave up the kids for custody.

612
00:35:31.540 --> 00:35:34.000
That is how hard it was to leave it

613
00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:38.020
because that's how high I put it in my intimacy and impact.

614
00:35:38.380 --> 00:35:39.860
Does that make sense for some of you guys?

615
00:35:40.280 --> 00:35:43.160
So be thinking about what you might be putting

616
00:35:43.160 --> 00:35:45.600
into A and 2B if you're not married

617
00:35:45.600 --> 00:35:47.700
and or don't have kids living at home.

618
00:35:48.060 --> 00:35:50.800
You wanna make sure that you actually hold that space.

619
00:35:50.860 --> 00:35:52.880
You're like, well, Renee, what do I hold that space for?

620
00:35:52.920 --> 00:35:54.800
You hold that space for you and God.

621
00:35:54.900 --> 00:35:56.860
This is your time to take care of you

622
00:35:56.860 --> 00:35:58.280
and your relationship with God,

623
00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:02.040
because you want that space to be empty

624
00:36:02.100 --> 00:36:04.820
so that your spouse can jump into it.

625
00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:07.420
What you don't wanna do is have to kick somebody out

626
00:36:07.460 --> 00:36:10.300
because that person or that thing that you kick out

627
00:36:10.300 --> 00:36:11.860
to make room for the spouse

628
00:36:11.980 --> 00:36:13.840
is gonna get really upset with you.

629
00:36:14.360 --> 00:36:16.660
And they're gonna probably then resent the person

630
00:36:16.740 --> 00:36:18.040
that's taken their spot.

631
00:36:18.240 --> 00:36:21.160
So if you want to have a good relationship with your kids

632
00:36:21.160 --> 00:36:22.560
and your job and your ministry,

633
00:36:22.780 --> 00:36:25.400
and you don't want them to blame your spouse

634
00:36:25.400 --> 00:36:27.480
for why they just got kicked out,

635
00:36:27.480 --> 00:36:28.680
kick those people out now.

636
00:36:29.040 --> 00:36:31.200
Hopefully that will make sense to you.

637
00:36:31.200 --> 00:36:32.900
Okay, circle three.

638
00:36:33.820 --> 00:36:36.720
It gets to be older adult children, grandchildren,

639
00:36:37.500 --> 00:36:40.520
parents, sibling, grandparents, close family and friends

640
00:36:40.520 --> 00:36:43.620
who are safe and healthy

641
00:36:43.780 --> 00:36:46.540
and whom you can share with intimately.

642
00:36:47.100 --> 00:36:49.500
It's a reciprocal relationship.

643
00:36:50.240 --> 00:36:53.120
So how many of you guys have people

644
00:36:53.120 --> 00:36:54.340
in your number three spot?

645
00:36:54.500 --> 00:36:56.140
Do all of you have people in your three spot?

646
00:36:56.140 --> 00:36:59.500
Okay, are those people safe and healthy?

647
00:37:01.600 --> 00:37:02.340
And is it-

648
00:37:02.340 --> 00:37:02.340


649
00:37:02.820 --> 00:37:04.360
They are now, good.

650
00:37:04.520 --> 00:37:06.100
Because I don't know about y'all,

651
00:37:06.140 --> 00:37:08.460
I have had to kick some family members

652
00:37:08.460 --> 00:37:10.060
out of circle number three.

653
00:37:10.220 --> 00:37:13.560
So if you have a sibling or a parent

654
00:37:13.560 --> 00:37:15.580
that is either in addiction,

655
00:37:16.240 --> 00:37:18.120
they're behaving unsafe or unhealthy.

656
00:37:18.240 --> 00:37:20.720
So you guys, the best way I learned

657
00:37:20.720 --> 00:37:23.100
how to be in relationship with my father

658
00:37:23.100 --> 00:37:25.280
is I had to kick him out to like circle number seven.

659
00:37:25.280 --> 00:37:27.980
Like, it sounds like a mean thing,

660
00:37:28.680 --> 00:37:31.880
but in circle three, he was not safe for me.

661
00:37:32.020 --> 00:37:34.340
And it was not a good relationship.

662
00:37:34.460 --> 00:37:36.580
And all we did was fight, yell and scream.

663
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:40.600
When I moved him out and I treated him like a good friend,

664
00:37:41.200 --> 00:37:44.240
we actually had a great last decade together

665
00:37:44.240 --> 00:37:45.020
before he died.

666
00:37:45.220 --> 00:37:49.620
We were able to laugh, joke, do stuff on vacation together.

667
00:37:49.700 --> 00:37:51.420
I treated him like a good friend.

668
00:37:52.080 --> 00:37:54.700
I did not share intimately with him,

669
00:37:54.880 --> 00:37:57.500
but I also protected my heart.

670
00:37:57.680 --> 00:37:59.260
And so that is how you can have

671
00:37:59.260 --> 00:38:01.160
an actually really good relationship

672
00:38:01.300 --> 00:38:04.260
with a family member, a coworker,

673
00:38:04.720 --> 00:38:06.120
somebody that you're in ministry with,

674
00:38:06.220 --> 00:38:09.380
an ex, the mother or father of your children.

675
00:38:09.560 --> 00:38:13.040
You can actually move them out in your mind

676
00:38:13.040 --> 00:38:16.580
and in your heart and not let them take up that much rent.

677
00:38:16.820 --> 00:38:20.040
And then your expectations of them lower,

678
00:38:20.040 --> 00:38:24.040
you give less, you are willing to receive less

679
00:38:24.040 --> 00:38:26.280
and you can actually get along better.

680
00:38:26.720 --> 00:38:27.600
So circle three.

681
00:38:27.940 --> 00:38:31.140
So your kind of your homework really is

682
00:38:31.400 --> 00:38:33.000
who's in my circle one?

683
00:38:33.060 --> 00:38:35.480
Who is, did I make sure I had myself on the list?

684
00:38:35.600 --> 00:38:37.100
What does it mean to take care of myself?

685
00:38:37.180 --> 00:38:38.360
What does it mean to put God there?

686
00:38:38.800 --> 00:38:40.560
Two A and two B, you guys,

687
00:38:40.580 --> 00:38:42.260
I'm gonna ask you guys in two weeks,

688
00:38:42.360 --> 00:38:44.880
did you have to kick anybody out or anything out?

689
00:38:44.900 --> 00:38:46.200
And then circle three,

690
00:38:46.200 --> 00:38:48.820
if there are any family or friends in that circle

691
00:38:48.820 --> 00:38:51.080
that you feel obligated to that are not healthy.

692
00:38:51.300 --> 00:38:52.060
And by the way,

693
00:38:52.060 --> 00:38:54.040
it's not like you're gonna pick up the phone and call them.

694
00:38:54.180 --> 00:38:55.500
It's not like Abram's gonna go like,

695
00:38:55.560 --> 00:38:57.260
okay, Sally, I'm kicking you out, man.

696
00:38:57.260 --> 00:38:58.560
You're going to circle five.

697
00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:01.800
You just show up differently in those relationships.

698
00:39:01.960 --> 00:39:03.980
So it's a personal decision.

699
00:39:04.380 --> 00:39:05.660
You just show up.

700
00:39:06.080 --> 00:39:08.580
Many of us have put people here who should not be here.

701
00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:11.000
They're either not safe, not healthy,

702
00:39:11.020 --> 00:39:13.080
or there's not equal giving and taking.

703
00:39:13.520 --> 00:39:15.660
I don't know about you guys, but like after COVID,

704
00:39:15.660 --> 00:39:19.460
I really paid attention to who was in my life.

705
00:39:19.700 --> 00:39:21.920
Who was actually still investing in me?

706
00:39:22.040 --> 00:39:23.900
Like, was I doing all the calling?

707
00:39:24.040 --> 00:39:25.420
And if I was doing all the calling,

708
00:39:25.520 --> 00:39:27.280
I kind of gently stopped calling.

709
00:39:27.560 --> 00:39:29.760
And then I noticed if they picked up the phone

710
00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:30.620
and called me.

711
00:39:31.000 --> 00:39:33.220
Then, you know, even when I was running Hope Clinic,

712
00:39:33.360 --> 00:39:34.740
you know, when I was running my nonprofit,

713
00:39:34.780 --> 00:39:36.820
I was kind of big man on campus in this city.

714
00:39:37.020 --> 00:39:39.520
And I paid attention to after I retired,

715
00:39:39.620 --> 00:39:41.360
how many people stopped calling me?

716
00:39:41.880 --> 00:39:43.360
Who was still calling me?

717
00:39:43.680 --> 00:39:45.080
And you know, out of all the people

718
00:39:45.080 --> 00:39:46.560
who were supposedly my friends,

719
00:39:46.600 --> 00:39:48.840
I'm inviting like three couples to my wedding

720
00:39:48.840 --> 00:39:49.980
for my Hope Clinic days.

721
00:39:50.140 --> 00:39:51.320
That's it, three people.

722
00:39:51.840 --> 00:39:52.580
There were hundreds.

723
00:39:53.520 --> 00:39:54.840
And I just realized,

724
00:39:55.300 --> 00:39:57.120
hmm, and so you really want to make sure

725
00:39:57.120 --> 00:39:58.900
these are reciprocal relationships.

726
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.780
Also be a friend from college that you don't talk to very often.

727
00:40:03.040 --> 00:40:08.560
I have a couple friends I can literally go a year and not talk to, but if I texted them

728
00:40:08.560 --> 00:40:10.820
and said 9-1-1, they would be on the phone.

729
00:40:11.200 --> 00:40:15.400
If I said I need you right now, they would probably be on a plane within 24 hours and

730
00:40:15.400 --> 00:40:15.940
get to me.

731
00:40:16.340 --> 00:40:23.440
So the numbers, and it is okay, you guys, if there's only two to four names on that

732
00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:24.660
circle three list.

733
00:40:24.700 --> 00:40:27.800
This does not have to be a big long list.

734
00:40:27.800 --> 00:40:32.980
In fact, when we're younger, you know how like when you're younger and you get married,

735
00:40:33.140 --> 00:40:36.640
they have like 10 bridesmaids and 10, whatever.

736
00:40:37.900 --> 00:40:41.620
It's like sometimes when you're younger, you can have a lot of people in your circle three.

737
00:40:41.780 --> 00:40:45.520
As we get older, that list is going to get really small.

738
00:40:46.340 --> 00:40:54.740
Circle four is going to be things like your, that's, so if you're in ministry and you have

739
00:40:54.740 --> 00:40:58.920
a job that you love, that's about where circle four is going to show up.

740
00:40:59.440 --> 00:41:05.120
So circle your job, your ministry, your church volunteer work should never come in front

741
00:41:05.120 --> 00:41:11.880
of your loyalty and your availability to your circle three people, which is why if you're

742
00:41:11.880 --> 00:41:17.520
in ministry and something is going on with your mother or your best friend or your kid

743
00:41:17.520 --> 00:41:21.980
or your spouse, sometimes you're going to have to say no to the ministry or no to the

744
00:41:21.980 --> 00:41:22.500
job.

745
00:41:23.500 --> 00:41:28.360
So when you guys first started doing that level two dating, where do you think women

746
00:41:28.360 --> 00:41:28.880
should be?

747
00:41:29.260 --> 00:41:31.760
These women that are in level two, where do you think she should be?

748
00:41:33.940 --> 00:41:36.760
I don't know, number one, I'm just kidding.

749
00:41:37.360 --> 00:41:39.960
No, definitely past four, right?

750
00:41:40.080 --> 00:41:44.060
Every anywhere past four, oh Kenton, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

751
00:41:45.360 --> 00:41:49.760
That's dying right now or the friend's mother is dying right now.

752
00:41:49.780 --> 00:41:50.340
Oh crap.

753
00:41:50.340 --> 00:41:51.340
I'm so sorry.

754
00:41:53.260 --> 00:41:57.160
Message over at the admin email and ask them, okay, babe.

755
00:41:59.300 --> 00:42:00.980
Thanks guys, I appreciate your prayers.

756
00:42:01.500 --> 00:42:03.500
We'll make sure we pray for you, okay?

757
00:42:03.860 --> 00:42:04.100
Tonight.

758
00:42:05.280 --> 00:42:05.380
Love you guys.

759
00:42:05.520 --> 00:42:05.880
Love you all.

760
00:42:06.140 --> 00:42:06.580
Take care.

761
00:42:06.840 --> 00:42:07.300
Love you guys.

762
00:42:07.760 --> 00:42:07.880
Love you.

763
00:42:08.240 --> 00:42:08.280
Bye.

764
00:42:10.580 --> 00:42:10.860
Okay.

765
00:42:11.140 --> 00:42:15.920
So circle five is going to be like things that are important to you.

766
00:42:15.940 --> 00:42:20.440
Like maybe your volunteer work by six and seven, you know, you kind of start to drag

767
00:42:20.440 --> 00:42:20.960
them out.

768
00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:27.040
Anything from circle one to four, you're going to feel the loss.

769
00:42:28.280 --> 00:42:32.620
Anything from circle one to four are things that really matter to you.

770
00:42:32.720 --> 00:42:37.800
Which is why when someone's in active addiction, do you want to know how much active addiction,

771
00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:42.080
whether it's drugs, alcohol, pornography, do you want to know how many circles it impacts?

772
00:42:42.300 --> 00:42:43.640
The first four circles.

773
00:42:45.060 --> 00:42:50.100
So when you're dealing, and this is how, this is why when someone's kind of like an alcoholic

774
00:42:50.740 --> 00:42:55.960
and the friends don't notice it and they just think he's life of the party and your church

775
00:42:55.960 --> 00:42:59.260
doesn't necessarily notice it, his friends group doesn't notice it.

776
00:42:59.280 --> 00:43:01.840
They all think he's a great guy or she's a great girl.

777
00:43:02.040 --> 00:43:07.980
Or if you have an ex wife that was kind of like super emotional and mentally unstable,

778
00:43:08.260 --> 00:43:11.280
but her friends loved him and got a great report.

779
00:43:11.280 --> 00:43:15.460
The problem is addiction impacts the first four layers.

780
00:43:16.500 --> 00:43:20.780
Usually by layer five and six in that circle, they can fake it.

781
00:43:21.140 --> 00:43:23.180
So this is why you're not crazy.

782
00:43:23.360 --> 00:43:29.480
So sometimes when you get a divorce, your friends, your exterior friends did not see

783
00:43:29.480 --> 00:43:31.960
what you, what you went through in your marriage.

784
00:43:32.460 --> 00:43:36.720
Because they, if they, if they weren't circle one, two, three, or four, they weren't feeling

785
00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:38.180
the impact of the addiction.

786
00:43:38.900 --> 00:43:41.620
And so you're like, oh my gosh, how did you not notice?

787
00:43:42.000 --> 00:43:44.380
Well, they didn't because they were much further out.

788
00:43:44.440 --> 00:43:50.700
But I don't know about you, but it makes me feel like less crazy when I realize I can

789
00:43:50.700 --> 00:43:56.500
be directly impacted by somebody, but somebody much further out isn't going to see that addiction.

790
00:43:57.200 --> 00:44:00.080
And so it really kind of helps that make sense to it.

791
00:44:00.080 --> 00:44:05.040
So as you guys are dating, when you're dating women and you're trying to find out and you're

792
00:44:05.040 --> 00:44:08.740
like, I would say this, when you're like first texting women online or you're going

793
00:44:08.740 --> 00:44:12.360
up to them, they're circle like eight, they're way out there, y'all.

794
00:44:12.760 --> 00:44:18.180
You go on, you have a couple videos, maybe you really like her, you're like, I'm gelling

795
00:44:18.180 --> 00:44:19.100
kind of with her.

796
00:44:19.400 --> 00:44:22.040
She might creep up to circle six, right?

797
00:44:22.240 --> 00:44:28.060
You have a couple dates with her, maybe she hits circle five, maybe she even hits circle

798
00:44:28.420 --> 00:44:30.120
four at level two.

799
00:44:30.120 --> 00:44:36.680
You should not be bringing her in any closer to your heart, mind, impact, spiritual, any

800
00:44:37.040 --> 00:44:40.280
closer than four, because that's already still starting to care.

801
00:44:40.360 --> 00:44:43.900
Because remember, the first four circles, we're going to feel the loss.

802
00:44:44.520 --> 00:44:49.380
And so I would say when you first, so I would say try to keep her at circle five.

803
00:44:49.560 --> 00:44:51.920
And then you're like, hey, do you want to just date me?

804
00:44:51.920 --> 00:44:53.820
I think I want to just date you.

805
00:44:53.960 --> 00:44:58.940
That's when she might jump to circle four, she's getting a little bit more of your heart.

806
00:44:59.240 --> 00:44:59.980
And then when you

807
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.320
realizes you've been doing circle three a bit,

808
00:45:02.400 --> 00:45:03.940
I mean a level three a little bit,

809
00:45:03.940 --> 00:45:05.800
you might bring her to level three.

810
00:45:06.320 --> 00:45:10.620
She now has much rent in your head as your closest posse.

811
00:45:13.760 --> 00:45:14.920
And now you're starting to,

812
00:45:14.920 --> 00:45:16.220
now would be the time that you're starting

813
00:45:16.220 --> 00:45:17.280
to introduce her to the kids.

814
00:45:18.480 --> 00:45:20.360
And you wanna make sure she's got a relationship

815
00:45:20.360 --> 00:45:23.400
with the kids before she jumps the loop over them.

816
00:45:23.880 --> 00:45:25.700
Can I ask you a question on that?

817
00:45:25.820 --> 00:45:26.060
Yeah.

818
00:45:26.420 --> 00:45:28.160
Like, okay, so you said like the mental,

819
00:45:28.880 --> 00:45:31.700
how do you, so my issue is like,

820
00:45:31.700 --> 00:45:33.200
there's always things ruminating in my head.

821
00:45:33.360 --> 00:45:35.320
How do you stop or shift?

822
00:45:35.740 --> 00:45:36.760
You understand, like, you know,

823
00:45:36.760 --> 00:45:37.880
like her, huh?

824
00:45:37.920 --> 00:45:39.680
You're like, easier said than done, Renee.

825
00:45:39.880 --> 00:45:40.520
Thanks, awesome.

826
00:45:40.940 --> 00:45:42.040
Well, no, no, but I, no,

827
00:45:42.040 --> 00:45:44.320
that was actually one of my questions is,

828
00:45:44.560 --> 00:45:48.080
is how do I get her out of my head, right?

829
00:45:48.080 --> 00:45:52.560
Like, or change, change, like kick her out circles.

830
00:45:53.840 --> 00:45:54.880
I will say this.

831
00:45:55.220 --> 00:45:57.220
Here's, so here's some of the easiest ways.

832
00:45:58.320 --> 00:46:00.120
Initially, do not pray with her.

833
00:46:00.300 --> 00:46:01.800
Do not do a Bible study with her.

834
00:46:01.860 --> 00:46:03.600
Do not go to church with her.

835
00:46:04.100 --> 00:46:05.640
Spiritual intimacy will create intimacy.

836
00:46:06.800 --> 00:46:08.140
Go to church with her, so.

837
00:46:08.840 --> 00:46:09.640
What'd you say?

838
00:46:09.920 --> 00:46:11.560
She's at my church, so therefore.

839
00:46:11.580 --> 00:46:13.040
Well, I mean that, go to church with her,

840
00:46:13.080 --> 00:46:15.340
but sitting next to her and worshiping together

841
00:46:15.340 --> 00:46:16.420
are two different things.

842
00:46:16.860 --> 00:46:19.620
So I would say the first thing

843
00:46:20.840 --> 00:46:23.040
is eliminate the spiritual contact.

844
00:46:23.300 --> 00:46:25.840
The second way, and I don't know about you, Mike,

845
00:46:25.840 --> 00:46:28.040
but I have to be really strict with myself.

846
00:46:28.500 --> 00:46:31.220
It is how much time I give that person.

847
00:46:31.340 --> 00:46:34.440
So if you notice, like don't text them all day.

848
00:46:35.740 --> 00:46:37.660
Keep the phone calls down to 30 minutes.

849
00:46:37.980 --> 00:46:39.320
Keep the video dates down.

850
00:46:39.880 --> 00:46:42.520
Keep your live dates in person down to once a week.

851
00:46:42.820 --> 00:46:46.140
So now I say all this, and if you guys met Brian,

852
00:46:46.280 --> 00:46:48.600
he's gonna say you blew all of that with me,

853
00:46:48.600 --> 00:46:49.420
and he's not wrong.

854
00:46:49.520 --> 00:46:52.540
Like I literally, from our first FaceTime date,

855
00:46:52.960 --> 00:46:54.940
you guys, I have talked to him every single day

856
00:46:54.940 --> 00:46:57.720
for the last nine months, every single day.

857
00:46:57.960 --> 00:47:00.240
There's not been a day that I've not talked to him.

858
00:47:00.240 --> 00:47:04.340
However, we were both building just a friendship first.

859
00:47:04.340 --> 00:47:05.680
In those first six weeks,

860
00:47:05.780 --> 00:47:08.040
we were literally just getting to know each other,

861
00:47:08.040 --> 00:47:09.180
and we were not doing the,

862
00:47:09.340 --> 00:47:11.140
oh my gosh, I love you so much kind of thing.

863
00:47:11.980 --> 00:47:14.560
You can say grace at dinner, that's all.

864
00:47:14.580 --> 00:47:17.540
That's so true, that's so true.

865
00:47:18.840 --> 00:47:20.800
The other way that you can do

866
00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:24.560
is keep the content of your conversations.

867
00:47:25.620 --> 00:47:28.780
The other thing Brian and I did in those first six weeks

868
00:47:28.780 --> 00:47:31.720
is we did not bring up too much trauma from our past.

869
00:47:32.180 --> 00:47:34.660
We kept our conversation focused on the center,

870
00:47:34.800 --> 00:47:37.540
on our present, and where we wanted to go in the future.

871
00:47:37.920 --> 00:47:41.860
Like when issues came up about either his mom or my dad,

872
00:47:41.940 --> 00:47:43.780
we both pretty much said the same thing.

873
00:47:44.120 --> 00:47:44.760
You know what?

874
00:47:45.060 --> 00:47:48.320
It was complicated, and if we keep dating in like a month,

875
00:47:48.320 --> 00:47:50.520
that's a really big story,

876
00:47:51.060 --> 00:47:53.000
and I'm not ready to talk about that yet,

877
00:47:53.020 --> 00:47:54.700
but I'll be happy to talk about that.

878
00:47:54.720 --> 00:47:58.020
So you keep the conversation less intimate.

879
00:47:58.240 --> 00:47:59.700
So you kind of stay in the present,

880
00:47:59.920 --> 00:48:01.520
you talk about the future.

881
00:48:02.100 --> 00:48:04.240
You don't spend, and then Mike, I would tell you,

882
00:48:04.380 --> 00:48:05.680
that's why Jackie would say,

883
00:48:06.040 --> 00:48:07.900
you have to keep busy doing other things

884
00:48:07.900 --> 00:48:09.160
and dating other people.

885
00:48:09.180 --> 00:48:12.480
If your schedule is full with work, activity,

886
00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:13.720
and talking to other women,

887
00:48:14.260 --> 00:48:16.080
then you just can't sit on your bed

888
00:48:16.080 --> 00:48:18.060
dreaming about Jane all the time.

889
00:48:18.280 --> 00:48:18.740
You know what I mean?

890
00:48:18.820 --> 00:48:19.540
Like, so-

891
00:48:19.540 --> 00:48:21.740
Yeah, you gotta fill a space with something else,

892
00:48:21.780 --> 00:48:22.380
is what I, yeah.

893
00:48:22.640 --> 00:48:23.620
So now that's what I have been doing.

894
00:48:23.640 --> 00:48:24.420
It's what I have to do.

895
00:48:24.540 --> 00:48:26.080
It's what I, I wish I could tell you,

896
00:48:26.080 --> 00:48:27.680
I could just lay on the couch and go,

897
00:48:27.760 --> 00:48:28.820
oh, don't think about it right now.

898
00:48:29.120 --> 00:48:31.300
The reason why I ask is because we have similar,

899
00:48:32.400 --> 00:48:34.620
similar gifting, similar like arts, right?

900
00:48:36.040 --> 00:48:38.220
I can completely relate to how I really think it is.

901
00:48:38.320 --> 00:48:40.180
I'm like, yep, did there, done that, got that t-shirt,

902
00:48:40.320 --> 00:48:41.240
or what are they, another one.

903
00:48:41.260 --> 00:48:42.820
It's why sometimes I've,

904
00:48:42.880 --> 00:48:44.800
if you saw what I watched on Netflix,

905
00:48:44.800 --> 00:48:48.140
you'd be traumatized for me because like, in fact,

906
00:48:48.140 --> 00:48:51.160
I was just seeing like a TikTok meme or something.

907
00:48:51.440 --> 00:48:55.280
And this one woman was saying how women are all excited

908
00:48:55.280 --> 00:48:57.080
that Taylor Swift finally got engaged

909
00:48:57.080 --> 00:48:58.640
and it's given hope to all women.

910
00:48:58.880 --> 00:49:01.560
She goes, we are not Taylor Swift.

911
00:49:01.660 --> 00:49:03.640
Like why on earth would we think

912
00:49:03.640 --> 00:49:05.480
just because this gorgeous billionaire

913
00:49:05.480 --> 00:49:08.340
finally got engaged that that somehow gives me hope?

914
00:49:08.580 --> 00:49:12.060
She goes, now, when a woman who sits home,

915
00:49:12.740 --> 00:49:14.540
sometimes gets on the apps,

916
00:49:14.860 --> 00:49:18.400
maybe puts on makeup twice a week, has a decent paycheck,

917
00:49:18.820 --> 00:49:22.920
and she's watching murder documentaries on Netflix.

918
00:49:23.040 --> 00:49:26.520
If that chick gets engaged, then you can have hope.

919
00:49:26.620 --> 00:49:29.200
And I'm like, oh my gosh, she just described me.

920
00:49:29.600 --> 00:49:32.480
So to your point, Mike, I have gone down the crazy,

921
00:49:32.740 --> 00:49:35.080
like six episode rabbit trail

922
00:49:35.360 --> 00:49:38.120
of like watching some crazy documentary

923
00:49:38.120 --> 00:49:41.760
or some crazy show where my brain has to really work.

924
00:49:42.400 --> 00:49:45.900
And I'm like, ooh, I've got to like figure that out.

925
00:49:46.200 --> 00:49:46.700
Is it a whodunit?

926
00:49:46.860 --> 00:49:47.560
Is it a whodunit?

927
00:49:47.720 --> 00:49:48.880
Is that what, what is that?

928
00:49:48.880 --> 00:49:49.360
I understand.

929
00:49:49.660 --> 00:49:55.480
Can you explain why, why I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I just,

930
00:49:55.700 --> 00:49:58.800
you know what, give, give, the horror thing.

931
00:49:58.800 --> 00:49:59.980
They're like, let's watch horror.

932
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.700
I'm like, it sounds like a horrible idea, but like, I just, I'm like, okay, you like

933
00:50:04.700 --> 00:50:05.860
being scared or something?

934
00:50:05.940 --> 00:50:06.900
I don't understand.

935
00:50:07.160 --> 00:50:12.140
Like, like most women have already watched on Netflix, that documentary, it's a one episode

936
00:50:12.840 --> 00:50:17.580
documentary about that poor young teenager who was getting these horrible text messages

937
00:50:17.580 --> 00:50:19.000
from an unknown number.

938
00:50:19.540 --> 00:50:20.720
You got to watch.

939
00:50:20.900 --> 00:50:23.340
And it's like, no guy has watched it.

940
00:50:23.380 --> 00:50:25.140
So y'all are staring at me like you have no idea.

941
00:50:25.180 --> 00:50:27.500
It's literally in the top 10 on Netflix right now.

942
00:50:27.600 --> 00:50:27.800
No idea.

943
00:50:27.980 --> 00:50:28.280
Yeah.

944
00:50:28.280 --> 00:50:29.820
It's like the unknown number.

945
00:50:30.040 --> 00:50:32.520
And we're all outraged at like the, who did it?

946
00:50:32.520 --> 00:50:37.260
Like we're all outraged and we're outraged that nobody in the documentary is as outraged

947
00:50:37.260 --> 00:50:38.720
as we are watching it.

948
00:50:39.320 --> 00:50:43.520
Oh, I thought, I thought what my favorite thing on Netflix was Cobra Kai.

949
00:50:44.320 --> 00:50:48.020
Oh, well, and I love Cobra Kai too, but that's an eight that you have to, that you got to

950
00:50:48.020 --> 00:50:49.580
find your eighties people to love that.

951
00:50:49.760 --> 00:50:54.140
So why do women, I don't know why we like watching that dark stuff.

952
00:50:54.420 --> 00:50:55.620
I don't know.

953
00:50:55.620 --> 00:50:58.500
Am I the only one though, Mike, or do other women do it?

954
00:50:58.940 --> 00:51:02.540
No, I mean, it's, it's, it's prevalent.

955
00:51:02.800 --> 00:51:08.840
And I'm like, and one of the things that makes me question, maybe we can like, so a woman's

956
00:51:08.840 --> 00:51:09.700
greatest need is security.

957
00:51:10.120 --> 00:51:10.600
Right.

958
00:51:10.860 --> 00:51:11.220
Right.

959
00:51:11.300 --> 00:51:16.980
So when you feel unsafe, that's going to generate your biggest buzz or whatever, like, you know,

960
00:51:16.980 --> 00:51:21.040
like it's going to, it's going to tell your biggest adrenaline rushes.

961
00:51:21.040 --> 00:51:21.300
Right.

962
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:26.800
Because it's going right to the adrenaline rush of the thing we fear the most, which

963
00:51:26.800 --> 00:51:27.740
is being unsafe.

964
00:51:28.700 --> 00:51:32.900
It's like watching the, it's like watching the car accident or the train wreck.

965
00:51:33.000 --> 00:51:33.960
You can't look away.

966
00:51:33.960 --> 00:51:36.640
It's like the very thing that you're the most afraid of.

967
00:51:36.640 --> 00:51:38.640
You can't look away from it.

968
00:51:39.340 --> 00:51:42.000
Or we look at that crazy stuff.

969
00:51:43.760 --> 00:51:45.140
Um, who's Moonshine?

970
00:51:45.320 --> 00:51:45.720
Oh, Moonshine.

971
00:51:45.860 --> 00:51:46.620
What's your name?

972
00:51:49.340 --> 00:51:50.340
My name's Tim.

973
00:51:51.120 --> 00:51:51.520
Tim?

974
00:51:53.380 --> 00:51:53.780
Yeah.

975
00:51:54.180 --> 00:51:56.040
Were you, were you just spotlighted?

976
00:51:57.340 --> 00:52:00.360
No, but you're the second person to ask me that.

977
00:52:01.220 --> 00:52:03.140
Crap, then you look like the guy that was spotlighted.

978
00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:04.220
Yeah.

979
00:52:04.220 --> 00:52:05.200
I think there's another Tim.

980
00:52:05.720 --> 00:52:06.540
That's older though.

981
00:52:07.120 --> 00:52:07.520
Okay.

982
00:52:07.680 --> 00:52:09.720
Well, by the way, Tim, how new are you?

983
00:52:09.840 --> 00:52:11.100
Have you never met me before?

984
00:52:11.120 --> 00:52:14.240
And this is your first, like, you're like, who is this crazy chick?

985
00:52:14.240 --> 00:52:16.720
Is this your first time meeting me or have you been on with me before?

986
00:52:16.720 --> 00:52:20.560
Um, I was on last Tuesday's call.

987
00:52:20.700 --> 00:52:21.220
Okay.

988
00:52:21.880 --> 00:52:22.400
Okay.

989
00:52:22.400 --> 00:52:27.120
So just so you know about me, like I've been a part of the community for four years.

990
00:52:27.520 --> 00:52:33.480
I started volunteering within nine months and I came on staff, I don't know, about two

991
00:52:33.480 --> 00:52:37.080
years in and I was very active in front and behind the camera.

992
00:52:37.080 --> 00:52:41.100
And then I started seminary school and I was getting slaughtered and I needed to step back.

993
00:52:41.100 --> 00:52:42.080
And I'm not going to lie.

994
00:52:42.080 --> 00:52:45.960
I probably stepped back a little bit for me because I was a little burnt out from it all.

995
00:52:45.960 --> 00:52:52.760
And I'm like, I just needed to pause and, um, Jack and I continue to stay in touch.

996
00:52:53.120 --> 00:52:57.340
And, uh, she invited me back at a time where I'm like, yeah, I miss you guys.

997
00:52:57.940 --> 00:53:05.200
Um, and I feel like I also have a fresh perspective now that I am engaged and I feel like, wow,

998
00:53:05.200 --> 00:53:08.180
so that's what a healthy relationship looks like.

999
00:53:08.180 --> 00:53:12.780
I was really off all this time, you know?

1000
00:53:12.780 --> 00:53:18.200
So, and here's what I can tell you too, after, um, and dating healthy, you guys, I think

1001
00:53:18.200 --> 00:53:22.260
this is the one thing I'm trying to say in all my one-on-one coaching calls with people

1002
00:53:23.200 --> 00:53:28.800
is I don't ever have to look at a text message and wonder what Brian is thinking.

1003
00:53:28.960 --> 00:53:33.920
I never am afraid to ask him a hard question and worry about his reaction.

1004
00:53:35.100 --> 00:53:39.500
Um, like you guys, we haven't talked all day today, all day.

1005
00:53:40.060 --> 00:53:43.640
Now, normally old Renee would think he was dead on the side of a road because that's

1006
00:53:43.640 --> 00:53:44.120
where I go.

1007
00:53:44.200 --> 00:53:46.320
I go right to the, oh my gosh, he's dead.

1008
00:53:46.560 --> 00:53:47.880
Like he got hit by a car.

1009
00:53:48.420 --> 00:53:49.260
And you know what?

1010
00:53:49.260 --> 00:53:50.000
I was like, wow.

1011
00:53:50.000 --> 00:53:52.040
I called him like right before I got on the phone with you.

1012
00:53:52.040 --> 00:53:52.860
And I'm like, are you okay?

1013
00:53:52.860 --> 00:53:54.760
He's like, oh my gosh, I've just been really busy all day.

1014
00:53:54.780 --> 00:53:56.080
I'm like, okay.

1015
00:53:56.480 --> 00:53:58.480
And like old me would have had a major freak out.

1016
00:53:59.680 --> 00:54:01.620
So, um, so you guys get to ask me anything.

1017
00:54:01.660 --> 00:54:04.940
So I'm part of the team and I will be teaching here probably once a month.

1018
00:54:04.940 --> 00:54:07.500
I think me and Jackie are going to be alternating with David.

1019
00:54:08.020 --> 00:54:08.660
That's the theory.

1020
00:54:10.780 --> 00:54:15.180
Um, and so you're asking, uh, are you the only one who's still in heart work?

1021
00:54:15.380 --> 00:54:20.860
The guys, you all are here at different times and how formally do y'all do heart work?

1022
00:54:20.860 --> 00:54:26.180
Like do you, are you just watching the videos on your own or does David have a specific

1023
00:54:26.180 --> 00:54:27.800
topic he covers usually?

1024
00:54:30.180 --> 00:54:34.660
Is specific covers a specific topic usually.

1025
00:54:35.800 --> 00:54:43.440
So is he following the heart work book when he comes on now, Abrams, I mean, so they might

1026
00:54:43.440 --> 00:54:48.920
come up, but like, he's not like a, he's not like set out, you know, he kinda, we kinda,

1027
00:54:49.120 --> 00:54:49.780
he kinda vibes.

1028
00:54:49.960 --> 00:54:52.500
And then he, he he'll go off, you know, and it's nice.

1029
00:54:52.500 --> 00:54:53.880
He will go off on a riff.

1030
00:54:53.920 --> 00:54:54.400
Yeah.

1031
00:54:54.400 --> 00:54:54.660
Yeah.

1032
00:54:54.660 --> 00:54:55.980
He'll, he'll riff and it's nice.

1033
00:54:56.140 --> 00:54:56.620
He'll riff.

1034
00:54:56.620 --> 00:54:59.980
And if you notice, that's why I brought this up, I riffed because of what.

1035
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.800
I was hearing and I'm hoping that I'm hoping this little exercise.

1036
00:55:03.900 --> 00:55:06.180
I'd love for you to guys just pray about this.

1037
00:55:06.180 --> 00:55:10.180
And I would love to hear in a few weeks what the Lord has told you about this.

1038
00:55:10.220 --> 00:55:12.280
Like, are you taking care of yourself?

1039
00:55:12.400 --> 00:55:15.920
And actually this really is coming in handy with the whole Sabbath

1040
00:55:16.100 --> 00:55:18.240
that Jackie's talking about and resting.

1041
00:55:18.620 --> 00:55:23.440
It's really making sure your number one circle is being cared for, which is you.

1042
00:55:23.620 --> 00:55:27.180
Well, and Renee, I have to say that, uh, when you, I first, you did that

1043
00:55:27.180 --> 00:55:32.240
like a year ago, probably a year, around a year ago, I was stunned, you know?

1044
00:55:32.320 --> 00:55:34.240
Cause I, I didn't have myself in any circle.

1045
00:55:34.700 --> 00:55:35.060
Right.

1046
00:55:35.060 --> 00:55:37.560
You know, like, I'm like, of course it's God.

1047
00:55:37.600 --> 00:55:40.440
You're like, and you, and I'm like, oh crap.

1048
00:55:40.440 --> 00:55:41.720
That means I have to let you in.

1049
00:55:41.840 --> 00:55:43.320
And, but it's really been super helpful.

1050
00:55:44.280 --> 00:55:46.740
Um, and I'm glad that you actually brought it back up because I was like,

1051
00:55:46.760 --> 00:55:49.100
oh yeah, she's supposed to be at eight.

1052
00:55:49.320 --> 00:55:51.160
Why is everybody always at two?

1053
00:55:52.660 --> 00:55:56.260
Well, and then, and we do, but see, Mike, like I literally have, the reason

1054
00:55:56.260 --> 00:56:00.040
why I'm so good at circles is I talk about it all the time.

1055
00:56:00.420 --> 00:56:03.660
In fact, there's two other women that did the training with me.

1056
00:56:03.880 --> 00:56:07.900
We meet every other Monday for an hour with almost without fail.

1057
00:56:08.000 --> 00:56:11.860
And it's really to make sure one of our first questions is how are

1058
00:56:11.860 --> 00:56:12.820
you doing with your circles?

1059
00:56:13.740 --> 00:56:19.300
Like, and so when you teach it, it definitely holds you accountable to it.

1060
00:56:19.540 --> 00:56:22.500
Um, and so it's something I'm super intentional about.

1061
00:56:23.380 --> 00:56:29.540
And, um, that's how you'll know when you're dating somebody, that's how you'll

1062
00:56:29.540 --> 00:56:35.860
know who's really important to her by how much energy she has around, like, wow,

1063
00:56:35.860 --> 00:56:38.520
she's got a really strong reaction to her mother.

1064
00:56:38.860 --> 00:56:39.440
Hmm.

1065
00:56:39.440 --> 00:56:44.600
Like, I wonder if she's put mom in circle one or gosh, her job, like

1066
00:56:44.600 --> 00:56:46.460
she's really stressed out about her job.

1067
00:56:46.520 --> 00:56:48.660
You will probably notice it in other people.

1068
00:56:48.660 --> 00:56:53.460
You will notice when people you're dating or in relationship with, um, are moving

1069
00:56:53.460 --> 00:56:53.840
people.

1070
00:56:54.340 --> 00:56:56.500
So, um, Tim, thank you for doing that.

1071
00:56:56.980 --> 00:57:00.160
Um, wait, how come it still says moonshine here?

1072
00:57:00.160 --> 00:57:01.440
Oh, cause that's what it was saying.

1073
00:57:01.960 --> 00:57:03.240
That's kind of freaky.

1074
00:57:03.680 --> 00:57:04.080
Okay.

1075
00:57:04.360 --> 00:57:06.540
But I'm always trying to keep that information in the front of my

1076
00:57:06.540 --> 00:57:07.400
brain so I don't regress.

1077
00:57:07.640 --> 00:57:08.260
I agree.

1078
00:57:08.360 --> 00:57:12.660
So you guys, whenever I'm on, if there's a section of the heartwork that you guys

1079
00:57:12.660 --> 00:57:14.480
want to talk about, please let me know.

1080
00:57:14.480 --> 00:57:15.280
I've got mine.

1081
00:57:15.280 --> 00:57:19.960
I still have my original notebook that I printed out and like, I had an ebook version

1082
00:57:19.960 --> 00:57:25.980
of it and I printed it out, like all 180 pages and I wrote up all over it and we used

1083
00:57:25.980 --> 00:57:27.460
to do things called heart connect.

1084
00:57:27.600 --> 00:57:32.620
And so I came up with hundreds of questions, um, to kind of pull in on the

1085
00:57:32.620 --> 00:57:33.040
heartwork.

1086
00:57:33.340 --> 00:57:37.800
Um, so is there an area of the heartwork you wanted to talk about or were you just

1087
00:57:37.800 --> 00:57:38.260
curious?

1088
00:57:39.640 --> 00:57:43.700
Oh, I got one outside of last year's single.

1089
00:57:44.280 --> 00:57:45.060
Wait, hold on Hunter.

1090
00:57:45.060 --> 00:57:48.380
Um, Tim was one that asked, let me just, let me make sure, and then I'll get back

1091
00:57:48.380 --> 00:57:49.360
right back to you.

1092
00:57:49.360 --> 00:57:50.160
So Tim, you ask.

1093
00:57:50.160 --> 00:57:55.320
I was just curious cause I didn't know where this conversation fit into anything.

1094
00:57:55.380 --> 00:57:59.580
I didn't know if everybody's been in this like six months and I'm the one who just

1095
00:57:59.580 --> 00:57:59.960
started.

1096
00:58:01.000 --> 00:58:01.300
So yeah.

1097
00:58:01.600 --> 00:58:02.400
I'm sorry.

1098
00:58:02.480 --> 00:58:06.660
So I've also found out about 10 o'clock this morning that I was leading tonight.

1099
00:58:06.720 --> 00:58:06.940
No.

1100
00:58:07.340 --> 00:58:13.000
So, um, that's why I was asking Abram and cause I know when we do phase one and

1101
00:58:13.000 --> 00:58:15.620
phase two, phase one is the heartwork with the women.

1102
00:58:16.020 --> 00:58:20.200
There's a certain topic we cover each week and then it repeats back up at the

1103
00:58:20.200 --> 00:58:22.500
top of the month as you're going through the heartwork.

1104
00:58:22.800 --> 00:58:28.220
And I didn't think that's what David did, but in theory, I'm assuming when David

1105
00:58:28.220 --> 00:58:32.200
is leading, which is going to be every other week, he's going to be pulling

1106
00:58:32.200 --> 00:58:33.640
topics from the heartwork.

1107
00:58:33.760 --> 00:58:37.720
I think typically, technically when you're going to get me or Jackie, you're going

1108
00:58:37.720 --> 00:58:42.520
to get more private, small group dating advice and coaching advice.

1109
00:58:42.520 --> 00:58:48.280
Like this is your chance to kind of get small group coaching as opposed to having

1110
00:58:48.280 --> 00:58:48.660
that.

1111
00:58:49.060 --> 00:58:50.600
So how does it fit in?

1112
00:58:51.220 --> 00:58:53.980
It fits in as far as just the coaching in general.

1113
00:58:54.380 --> 00:58:58.400
Um, and I would definitely say, well, we do phase two.

1114
00:58:58.520 --> 00:59:03.040
You guys don't really get that cause I do, I teach the phase two boundary section.

1115
00:59:03.100 --> 00:59:09.040
So I usually like bringing this up because as people start to date again, they tend

1116
00:59:09.040 --> 00:59:12.500
to jump very quickly and get really attached with people.

1117
00:59:12.500 --> 00:59:17.700
So I like to do this to remind people that in that early dating phase to not kind of

1118
00:59:17.700 --> 00:59:18.940
draw people in so much.

1119
00:59:19.320 --> 00:59:24.680
But if there is a section on the heartwork that kind of bubbled up for you this week

1120
00:59:24.740 --> 00:59:30.820
and you want to talk about that, feel free to ask me that question and we can do that

1121
00:59:30.820 --> 00:59:31.180
tonight.

1122
00:59:32.720 --> 00:59:33.240
Okay.

1123
00:59:33.240 --> 00:59:34.420
I don't have one.

1124
00:59:35.400 --> 00:59:35.920
Okay.

1125
00:59:36.440 --> 00:59:38.720
Um, Hunter, what was your comment or question?

1126
00:59:39.340 --> 00:59:40.120
It's okay.

1127
00:59:40.120 --> 00:59:45.680
If I find a heartwork outside of last year, single cause I'm doing some of my own, some

1128
00:59:45.680 --> 00:59:48.300
personal ones on my own, even help from last year, single.

1129
00:59:48.420 --> 00:59:53.920
I even read an article about, does God want me to be in a happy, really in an unhappy

1130
00:59:54.040 --> 00:59:54.560
marriage?

1131
00:59:54.660 --> 00:59:56.380
And it actually made sense.

1132
00:59:56.780 --> 00:59:59.980
Cause when, because of people who get divorced because of bad.

1133
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.400
toxic marriages but then there's those because the bible doesn't want that but it's okay with a

1134
01:00:05.400 --> 01:00:09.720
divorce like that but an unhappy marriage is a whole different story i don't think the bible

1135
01:00:09.720 --> 01:00:15.580
allows that because it talks the bible it doesn't stop you from the bible is not what stops you from

1136
01:00:15.580 --> 01:00:20.420
getting married you know you have free will there well the bible wouldn't want you to be in an

1137
01:00:20.420 --> 01:00:27.220
unhealthy relationship but i mean well the other thing is i forgot to mention earlier it's also a

1138
01:00:27.220 --> 01:00:33.900
the article talks about how that we try to that as the world consumed and as the church goes out

1139
01:00:33.900 --> 01:00:37.580
and influence the culture it's the other way around where we see relationships on dating apps

1140
01:00:37.580 --> 01:00:43.360
as a consumer thing where we want the way we take we try to treat the person how can this person do

1141
01:00:43.360 --> 01:00:48.060
for me if i date this person what do i get out of it or i like this person so much i'm gonna let

1142
01:00:48.060 --> 01:00:53.940
them influence how i see myself that sort of thing and so yeah i mean so i would say this

1143
01:00:54.080 --> 01:00:59.120
i mean you can you can supplement with the heart work as much as you want outside the program

1144
01:00:59.120 --> 01:01:05.840
i mean i'm sure all of us do that too um you just can't bring the outside training into this

1145
01:01:06.500 --> 01:01:12.000
conversation just because we don't have enough information on it and so we really just try to

1146
01:01:12.000 --> 01:01:19.240
focus on the stuff that's in here so i would say more power to you i've always supplemented

1147
01:01:19.240 --> 01:01:24.180
and learned everything because we all are coming at different places in our walk

1148
01:01:24.340 --> 01:01:29.140
um so tim tell me since i don't know you very well tell me just like give me the two minutes

1149
01:01:29.140 --> 01:01:36.220
skinny on you um your age where you from are you divorced widowed never married you have kids

1150
01:01:36.520 --> 01:01:45.480
how'd you get here 32 from minnesota i had one girlfriend 10 years ago um how'd i get here i

1151
01:01:45.520 --> 01:01:51.400
posted an introduction in a facebook dating group and somebody forwarded it to jackie so

1152
01:01:51.400 --> 01:02:00.520
she messaged me two years ago actually wow um had a like half hour zoom call with her

1153
01:02:00.520 --> 01:02:05.600
finally sprung for this this year because a she had a smoking deal running and i had one day left

1154
01:02:05.600 --> 01:02:12.720
to grab it and b god pretty much dropped my dream girl into my life back in february and

1155
01:02:13.520 --> 01:02:19.860
this is my way to get myself ready and also actively wait because she's presently dating

1156
01:02:19.860 --> 01:02:28.360
someone else oh oh my gosh i wish you told us this sooner i would have so much fun with this

1157
01:02:28.360 --> 01:02:35.460
okay wait so the lord dropped so you believe that the lord dropped the perfect chick in you

1158
01:02:35.460 --> 01:02:38.020
she was already with somebody else um

1159
01:02:43.800 --> 01:02:48.100
okay guys this never leaves the call please wait hold on a second hold on

1160
01:02:51.540 --> 01:02:57.540
right we took a pause just for a little technical break and mike is actually encouraging um the

1161
01:02:57.540 --> 01:03:02.560
other men about what does it mean to like listen to the voice of god what does it mean to feel

1162
01:03:02.560 --> 01:03:06.960
like god's given us a direction and mike's been talking about how especially in dating

1163
01:03:07.700 --> 01:03:12.540
um that also includes free will so just because god directs us to something doesn't mean that

1164
01:03:12.540 --> 01:03:17.300
the other person still has a choice to make so i thought i would just kind of loop us back in so

1165
01:03:17.300 --> 01:03:21.960
if someone's watching this and replay keep going mike and there's a process and you know i always

1166
01:03:21.960 --> 01:03:26.640
say you need to fix your crazy so you're not attracted to the crazy and others right like

1167
01:03:27.520 --> 01:03:33.120
because you know um the things in you that are broken will be attracted to the broken things and

1168
01:03:33.120 --> 01:03:37.540
other people and that's why i love that you guys are all doing the hard work because that's why

1169
01:03:37.540 --> 01:03:43.280
and i love like this program because it fixes you're going to have less things you're attracted

1170
01:03:43.280 --> 01:03:47.580
to that are bad for you and then you come in one of these calls and renee is like whoa whoa whoa

1171
01:03:47.620 --> 01:03:54.300
time out you know what did you just say you're like sorry uh no red flag red flag burn run

1172
01:03:54.300 --> 01:03:59.300
get out of here and you're like they seem perfect yeah they're perfectly good acts murder

1173
01:03:59.440 --> 01:04:05.360
but like but but like in community you know um but i just encourage you god does show you things

1174
01:04:05.360 --> 01:04:10.360
sometimes it's for process and the other people have to agree to that process and it's and i can

1175
01:04:10.360 --> 01:04:15.740
tell you i haven't crushed so many times you know renee came on like last week or like are you still

1176
01:04:15.740 --> 01:04:22.900
hung up on that gal and i'm like no but you know but what happened was i jumped in too soon

1177
01:04:23.680 --> 01:04:29.880
god showed me something and i should and i should have said thank you bring it right and bring it

1178
01:04:29.880 --> 01:04:34.860
around and i'm gonna prepare myself in the in the meantime to be ready to receive that gift

1179
01:04:35.500 --> 01:04:39.060
and lord show me what i need to do so i just i just encourage you here to do that

1180
01:04:39.900 --> 01:04:44.960
huh that's why i'm here to do that no and i'm proud of you so i i just i just want to encourage

1181
01:04:44.960 --> 01:04:51.560
you because um if you pray for her it's quick things and don't linger with it because you're

1182
01:04:51.560 --> 01:04:56.680
your heart i wouldn't encourage you praying for her right because it attaches your heart

1183
01:04:56.680 --> 01:04:59.440
now if the lord tells you to do something you do that but

1184
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.560
You know, like just, I get enamored with the idea.

1185
01:05:05.920 --> 01:05:07.140
And that's one of the things with Renee,

1186
01:05:07.260 --> 01:05:08.700
I'm like, Renee, I gotta get this out of my head

1187
01:05:08.700 --> 01:05:10.280
because we need to do other things

1188
01:05:10.360 --> 01:05:11.900
to keep our mind off of it.

1189
01:05:12.000 --> 01:05:14.640
And really, if it's from the Lord, it will come around.

1190
01:05:15.420 --> 01:05:16.480
Or he'll have something.

1191
01:05:16.880 --> 01:05:19.880
So I do have to say, in this process,

1192
01:05:20.720 --> 01:05:23.360
every single time, the next person he's brought

1193
01:05:23.360 --> 01:05:24.640
into my life has been an upgrade.

1194
01:05:25.700 --> 01:05:30.460
So like, you know, and so I was like, man,

1195
01:05:30.480 --> 01:05:32.080
I thought this was the end of the world.

1196
01:05:32.160 --> 01:05:34.620
And the next one, I'm like, wow, she's so much better.

1197
01:05:35.340 --> 01:05:38.240
Right, like, you know, and I really like this about her.

1198
01:05:38.400 --> 01:05:39.640
And I would have missed that

1199
01:05:39.640 --> 01:05:40.880
if it was with the other person.

1200
01:05:41.220 --> 01:05:43.640
And so I've actually learned what I really like too.

1201
01:05:43.740 --> 01:05:46.860
And I just encourage you, like, the Lord's got you.

1202
01:05:47.200 --> 01:05:48.380
He's got it.

1203
01:05:49.160 --> 01:05:49.800
Set it on the shelf.

1204
01:05:49.860 --> 01:05:51.460
This is what Kenton told me, set it on the shelf,

1205
01:05:51.460 --> 01:05:55.340
thank the Lord for it, and ask him to bring it to pass.

1206
01:05:56.080 --> 01:05:57.360
And then go about your day

1207
01:05:57.360 --> 01:06:00.920
until the gift's on your doorstep and it's open, you know?

1208
01:06:02.120 --> 01:06:04.480
So that's what I'm trying to do.

1209
01:06:04.760 --> 01:06:07.020
Well, Tim, you're in great company here.

1210
01:06:07.100 --> 01:06:08.400
Like, these guys are amazing.

1211
01:06:08.680 --> 01:06:15.780
And I believe there is a private Facebook Messenger group

1212
01:06:15.780 --> 01:06:17.760
of just the dudes here.

1213
01:06:18.000 --> 01:06:19.980
So you guys can chat with each other.

1214
01:06:19.980 --> 01:06:22.140
There's also the app and the Facebook page,

1215
01:06:22.160 --> 01:06:24.960
but I think they tend to chat in the Messenger group.

1216
01:06:25.720 --> 01:06:29.960
So if you're not in that group, email the admin email

1217
01:06:29.960 --> 01:06:32.240
to make sure that they add you to that.

1218
01:06:32.640 --> 01:06:33.340
And then-

1219
01:06:33.340 --> 01:06:34.180
I've never heard of it.

1220
01:06:34.800 --> 01:06:37.900
Yeah, so it's just the guys, it's not co-ed.

1221
01:06:37.960 --> 01:06:39.880
Because somebody asked me about that two weeks ago.

1222
01:06:40.100 --> 01:06:43.320
They're like, oh, so are you on this?

1223
01:06:43.520 --> 01:06:47.040
So it's on the Facebook page, Men's 1822.

1224
01:06:47.040 --> 01:06:50.200
Isn't it called Proverbs 1822?

1225
01:06:50.460 --> 01:06:51.360
Or is it just...

1226
01:06:53.120 --> 01:06:55.060
It's been so long since I've been on that page.

1227
01:06:55.120 --> 01:06:55.120


1228
01:06:55.860 --> 01:06:56.740
Well, all you have to do

1229
01:06:56.740 --> 01:06:59.500
is if you email the admin at JackieDorman.com,

1230
01:07:00.020 --> 01:07:02.740
they will hook you up and get you connected in that page.

1231
01:07:02.860 --> 01:07:05.740
It's the 1822 Men's Monthly Group is what it's called.

1232
01:07:06.720 --> 01:07:08.540
Oh, 1822 Men's Monthly Group.

1233
01:07:08.640 --> 01:07:11.040
Okay, so ask them to get connected in that group

1234
01:07:11.040 --> 01:07:11.680
to make sure.

1235
01:07:11.840 --> 01:07:14.460
And that's how you'll have access to all of these guys

1236
01:07:14.460 --> 01:07:15.880
so you guys can chat with each other

1237
01:07:15.880 --> 01:07:17.380
and encourage each other.

1238
01:07:17.520 --> 01:07:20.260
But Tim, like I promise, I apologize.

1239
01:07:20.460 --> 01:07:21.400
You looked familiar.

1240
01:07:21.640 --> 01:07:22.900
Apparently, you looked like the other Tim.

1241
01:07:23.760 --> 01:07:26.340
So I normally would have had you introduced yourself.

1242
01:07:26.700 --> 01:07:29.260
And then, but usually when I'm on,

1243
01:07:29.280 --> 01:07:30.340
you guys, I will say this.

1244
01:07:30.480 --> 01:07:31.740
When I'm on, I'm always gonna say,

1245
01:07:31.820 --> 01:07:33.980
is there anything with the heart work you wanna go over?

1246
01:07:34.600 --> 01:07:36.620
Is there any dating questions you have?

1247
01:07:36.640 --> 01:07:38.640
And kind of like what I did for Circles,

1248
01:07:38.760 --> 01:07:40.940
I'm gonna always have something ready to teach

1249
01:07:40.940 --> 01:07:42.620
in case you've got nothing for me.

1250
01:07:42.620 --> 01:07:46.080
So whenever you see me, that's what it's always gonna be.

1251
01:07:46.300 --> 01:07:47.080
So be prepared.

1252
01:07:48.080 --> 01:07:49.680
So just know that I'll be willing to do

1253
01:07:49.680 --> 01:07:51.660
any one of those three when we get on.

1254
01:07:53.600 --> 01:07:55.600
Does anybody else have anything else burning

1255
01:07:55.600 --> 01:07:59.620
you wanted to share, ask, or tell?

1256
01:08:01.040 --> 01:08:01.700
Yes, Dave.

1257
01:08:02.820 --> 01:08:05.380
Yeah, so I guess this has kind of been

1258
01:08:05.380 --> 01:08:06.160
in the back of my mind.

1259
01:08:06.200 --> 01:08:07.600
I know we talked about it earlier,

1260
01:08:07.820 --> 01:08:10.440
but has anyone in this group right now

1261
01:08:10.440 --> 01:08:11.920
ever got a response from the spotlight?

1262
01:08:12.520 --> 01:08:14.360
Because I know most of the guys in here have done one,

1263
01:08:14.380 --> 01:08:15.480
but I don't think any of them,

1264
01:08:16.080 --> 01:08:17.200
from what I've been told,

1265
01:08:17.319 --> 01:08:18.880
have had a response from the spotlight.

1266
01:08:19.120 --> 01:08:21.779
I had one when I was on the dating game,

1267
01:08:21.880 --> 01:08:24.420
but it didn't, she couldn't relocate

1268
01:08:24.420 --> 01:08:25.580
and I couldn't relocate.

1269
01:08:25.899 --> 01:08:27.939
So it was, which was actually really sad.

1270
01:08:27.979 --> 01:08:29.160
I mean, because I really dug her.

1271
01:08:29.880 --> 01:08:32.540
But like, so I did have that one.

1272
01:08:35.000 --> 01:08:36.420
Abram, have you been?

1273
01:08:36.939 --> 01:08:40.160
I have been tracked down by a lady

1274
01:08:41.140 --> 01:08:45.120
that saw me on one of the things,

1275
01:08:45.520 --> 01:08:47.340
and she messaged me first and all that.

1276
01:08:47.479 --> 01:08:50.300
She found my Instagram and yeah.

1277
01:08:50.300 --> 01:08:52.560
So I think that when people really want to find you,

1278
01:08:52.560 --> 01:08:55.859
they will, or if you do a request on Facebook

1279
01:08:55.859 --> 01:08:57.260
and they don't respond in a couple of weeks,

1280
01:08:57.359 --> 01:08:59.319
I mean, either they're not active,

1281
01:08:59.439 --> 01:09:01.180
which is probably not good on their end,

1282
01:09:01.300 --> 01:09:03.359
but if they're into it, they're into it.

1283
01:09:03.359 --> 01:09:06.560
So yeah, that's happened to me once.

1284
01:09:07.700 --> 01:09:09.080
Did you get spotlighted this year?

1285
01:09:09.220 --> 01:09:10.200
I know I've already asked you.

1286
01:09:10.220 --> 01:09:12.060
Yeah, I got spotlighted quite a few months ago.

1287
01:09:12.220 --> 01:09:14.540
I was on a dating game show where there was like-

1288
01:09:14.540 --> 01:09:15.979
Oh my gosh, you did that one too?

1289
01:09:16.020 --> 01:09:16.700
Okay, fun.

1290
01:09:16.700 --> 01:09:18.560
Yeah, there was like seven of them.

1291
01:09:19.779 --> 01:09:21.500
And I was like, this is crazy,

1292
01:09:21.600 --> 01:09:24.680
but they're all, not one lived in California,

1293
01:09:24.899 --> 01:09:25.740
which is a bummer.

1294
01:09:27.319 --> 01:09:28.840
But yeah, yeah.

1295
01:09:29.120 --> 01:09:30.720
And what about you, John?

1296
01:09:31.600 --> 01:09:33.060
John, have you been?

1297
01:09:33.439 --> 01:09:35.060
No, I haven't been spotlighted yet.

1298
01:09:36.080 --> 01:09:36.840
Okay, all right.

1299
01:09:36.939 --> 01:09:38.300
I'm gonna be-

1300
01:09:38.300 --> 01:09:39.399
John's ready, dude.

1301
01:09:39.880 --> 01:09:40.100
John's ready.

1302
01:09:40.819 --> 01:09:41.760
John's ready.

1303
01:09:42.100 --> 01:09:43.620
Go John, go John.

1304
01:09:44.960 --> 01:09:47.540
I just put your name down.

1305
01:09:48.540 --> 01:09:50.100
John's ready, dude.

1306
01:09:50.660 --> 01:09:50.800
John's ready.

1307
01:09:51.859 --> 01:09:52.720
I think so.

1308
01:09:53.760 --> 01:09:54.240
Renee,

1309
01:09:57.020 --> 01:09:59.500
Jackie said that the person that

1310
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:09.840
um it's a sign to coordinate like spotlights like when people emailed in and say I don't

1311
01:10:09.840 --> 01:10:13.920
meet this person whether you know it was girls asking about guys or guys asking about girls

1312
01:10:15.700 --> 01:10:22.040
um she made it sound like that for most beginning part of this year that the person that they had

1313
01:10:22.040 --> 01:10:26.580
was not doing it anymore and they finally just got another person last month so that's why when

1314
01:10:26.580 --> 01:10:31.380
she said that I have no idea who that person is that's why I have on myself a note to ask

1315
01:10:31.380 --> 01:10:39.800
her who it is who who the new person is or yeah you probably know who can't do it anymore but

1316
01:10:39.860 --> 01:10:44.340
I don't know honestly I don't know who was doing it because I was kind of not involved

1317
01:10:44.340 --> 01:10:48.660
in that level of detail so I don't know who used to do it and I don't know who is doing it

1318
01:10:50.660 --> 01:10:55.700
yeah so sorry I don't mean to interrupt but it seems like they're playing catch up now

1319
01:10:55.700 --> 01:11:01.460
so the last single spotlight maybe they're able to but the one before that was the one I'm in

1320
01:11:01.460 --> 01:11:08.420
and it's been like crickets so like either that or you know I'm gonna definitely I'm gonna talk

1321
01:11:08.420 --> 01:11:14.180
to them about two things a who's doing that what the process is looking like because I don't want

1322
01:11:14.180 --> 01:11:18.120
people because I don't want women going through all this trouble of like you know putting together

1323
01:11:18.120 --> 01:11:23.160
things and then not getting to and or I want to see what the status is on letting you guys see

1324
01:11:23.160 --> 01:11:28.500
each other's profile because I think that will go back to what Abram was saying way back at the

1325
01:11:28.500 --> 01:11:33.280
beginning of it just would be a fast way to be like you guys could jot down during like a

1326
01:11:33.320 --> 01:11:37.900
Supernatural Saturday like oh my gosh who's Jen and then you go to thing and you can look her up

1327
01:11:37.900 --> 01:11:44.260
and you can be like oh no or yeah okay I'll reach out to her so I'm gonna find out about those two

1328
01:11:44.260 --> 01:11:50.180
things definitely before I see you guys next okay yeah Jackie didn't really say but she made it

1329
01:11:50.180 --> 01:11:55.760
like it was at least four months of backlog so at least four single spotlights like there was no

1330
01:11:55.760 --> 01:12:00.320
one really around to do anything with but okay but that was just that was just my educated guess

1331
01:12:00.700 --> 01:12:06.700
that's just my educated guess I may be way wrong so well I'm gonna I'm gonna look into that and I'm

1332
01:12:06.700 --> 01:12:13.380
gonna get back at y'all okay all right Abram did I ask you to close us out last time

1333
01:12:15.980 --> 01:12:21.840
will you know mike's mike's the guy and mike is the guy would you be willing to be the guy tonight

1334
01:12:23.920 --> 01:12:28.540
I mean I could do it yeah go Mike Mike Mike's Mike's the man I want Mike to do it

1335
01:12:28.640 --> 01:12:33.260
oh okay Mike I mean that's okay you know what it is Mike turned off his camera so I wasn't sure

1336
01:12:33.260 --> 01:12:38.740
what he was doing behind closed doors over there oh no I just um yeah I was stretching my shoulder

1337
01:12:38.740 --> 01:12:43.380
I also like when Mike does it yeah all right okay all right Mike it's you man

1338
01:12:45.640 --> 01:12:52.400
Lord Jesus we just pray for Kenton that you would use him to bring comfort to the lady in the house

1339
01:12:52.440 --> 01:12:58.400
I'm not fully sure of the situation Lord but would you watch over that that whole situation

1340
01:12:58.400 --> 01:13:03.280
and would you bring blessing and would you bring peace and shalom and comfort and would you just be

1341
01:13:03.920 --> 01:13:09.980
and they may your presence dwell with them as they're passing into eternity and would you be

1342
01:13:09.980 --> 01:13:15.280
with the family Lord I thank you for all these amazing men on here that you would the the lion

1343
01:13:15.280 --> 01:13:19.060
hearted man that you you would just the line of Judah roars and every one of them and that they

1344
01:13:19.500 --> 01:13:24.500
would become mighty men of the mighty men of valor that you've called them to be and that

1345
01:13:24.540 --> 01:13:30.160
that you would help them get the skills to actually meet their spirit mates and not be afraid

1346
01:13:30.160 --> 01:13:38.100
and that um or that you would just give us the um the strength to wait and wait patiently and

1347
01:13:38.100 --> 01:13:44.480
Lord I just pray for expedition on healing and deliverance I just pray well for delay it's so

1348
01:13:44.480 --> 01:13:48.460
funny deliverance Lord that you would bring deliverance and anything that needs to be gone

1349
01:13:48.460 --> 01:13:56.820
from our lives but also Lord for deliverance of of our brides it's so funny I never thought

1350
01:13:56.820 --> 01:14:02.180
deliverance that way but that you bring deliverance and from singleness and that

1351
01:14:02.180 --> 01:14:08.100
there's so many amazing men on here would you just encourage their hearts and right now um I just

1352
01:14:09.460 --> 01:14:15.340
speak hope or just come against the spirit of hopelessness and say you have a great future and

1353
01:14:15.340 --> 01:14:21.980
you have a great relationship coming and you know it's not going to be your uh your situation is

1354
01:14:21.980 --> 01:14:26.140
lying to you right now the enemy is telling you it's never going to be different but it's going

1355
01:14:26.140 --> 01:14:32.160
to be amazing and we just just stay strong because he's got you he's with you and um I

1356
01:14:32.160 --> 01:14:38.260
just yeah I just speak hope and freedom we just um I just feel like just somebody with torment we

1357
01:14:38.260 --> 01:14:44.140
just break off any torment of mind we say you know you have a sound mind and the enemy has no place

1358
01:14:44.340 --> 01:14:50.700
and like we just speak freedom over everything may your weeks be blessed may the wind be behind

1359
01:14:50.700 --> 01:14:57.060
you and the past straight before you and may you um just encounter Jesus in a new way and

1360
01:14:57.060 --> 01:14:59.980
his wraparound love surround you as a shield in Jesus name amen

1361
01:15:01.100 --> 01:15:06.880
Amen. Good stuff. All right, guys. I see you soon. Have a blessed week.

1362
01:15:06.880 --> 01:15:08.460
Thank you, Renee. Amazing, as always.

1363
01:15:08.860 --> 01:15:09.240
Thank you.