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Hey, everyone. Welcome. Happy Thursday, you all. So glad to have you all joining us. We're

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going to wait for a minute or so as more people are joining. How's everyone doing? Everyone

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good? Hi, Gail. I see your smiling face. Good to see you. There's probably more Gail's on

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there, but Gail Harden, you're smiling right at me. I feel like you're just sending me

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lots of love. I love it. I'm excited to dive into our content tonight, you all. So I'm

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going to go ahead and pray because I have a lot in store for us. And I definitely want

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to make sure we save time for the heartwork seat at the end. For anyone that has never

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done this with us before, you maybe have not been in an advanced heartwork. It's very similar

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to when you might have been in phase one. And at the end of my coaching, I would open

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up for anyone that's willing to share or has a question. So when we do advanced heartwork,

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it's more about where are you needing to work on things in your life? Where are you feeling

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stuck and need some coaching on maybe what's kind of causing that. But tonight with some

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of the content in particular that we're going to be talking about, I'm also hoping that

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some of you all will apply it, what we're going to talk about and what you're learning

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to get unstuck in that particular area. But it's literally the advanced heartwork seat

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is open for anything. For the most part, I say anything. But with things that have happened

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in the world this week, we're going to keep all that stuff out of the conversation tonight

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this all just so that everyone's aware just right out of the gate. My heart is broken.

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There's a lot the world is going through, but we're not going to talk about any of that

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in the heartwork tonight. So I just want to kind of set that out right in the beginning.

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So let me pray for us. Father, thank you so much for this night. God, we thank you for

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everything that you're doing. God, we thank you for the ways that you're moving and having

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your being in us. God, we ask you to help us to step further into freedom tonight. God,

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that you have transformative work that you want to do in our hearts, our lives, our minds,

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our spirits, our bodies and our souls. Yes, Lord, you desire us to walk into the wholeness.

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W-H-O-L-E-N-E-S-S, the wholeness of Christ, not just the fullness, but the wholeness.

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And so, Lord, I pray that you would just continue to help us to receive an upgrade of revelation,

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receive that freedom. We know that where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom,

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there's liberty for the captives. And so we're thankful that you're setting captives free

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tonight, that you're literally loosing chains off of our hearts, our minds, God, that you're

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giving us an upgrade. And we just thank you in advance, Holy Spirit, for being here. We thank

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you for just weaving in and out of the teaching as well as the coaching later on. And we just

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thank you for every person that has the courage to share and ask a question and just all the

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things that are going to take place in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Amen. And even as I was praying,

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y'all, just so you know, the reason I said that is not because I don't care about what's going

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on in the world, but there's just been a lot of sides shared. And I think the best way to

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navigate forward is for us to just focus on what we're here for tonight. Okay, so that's what we're

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going to do. So on that note, I have a check-in question for you all. I want to see some feedback

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from you in the chat. Let me just, I need to change my screen view. Here we go. Okay.

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Um,

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I'll take any other questions outside of advanced heartwork here in a little bit. Okay, just so

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everyone knows. This is your question for the check-in. What's one word that describes how

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you're feeling as you enter this space tonight? One word in the chat that describes how you're

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feeling as you enter this space tonight.

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Thank you, Lord. Thanks for sharing everyone that's putting those in there.

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We're seeing all kinds for those that are watching the recording. There's hopeful, there's tired,

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exhausted, grieving, disheartened, heavy, overwhelmed, surrender, sober-minded. Love that.

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Love them all. Because we, you know, the reality is, is that we're going to feel the feels tonight

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so God can heal the feels. So this is where we're starting tonight. And God is the lifter of our

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heads. He's the lifter of our burdens, and he wants to meet with you tonight. So I can come

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and coach. Other people in the community can come and coach. But at the end of the day,

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every time that I coach, and I believe everyone else on our team, I want you all to hopefully be

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another step closer to the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. That's the goal. And so,

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as you all know, even in the heart work,

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We're always trying to lead you back to asking God

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Questions like what you know asking him leading you back to him being your resource the one that's gonna

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Reveal things to you. And so tonight we're starting here because if you guys

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Remember for those of you that have been through the heart work

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One of the first things we start with is supernatural surrender

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So we're gonna do a little refresh a slight refresh on that tonight as well because in everything we're gonna talk about

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In every area of our lives any area we feel stuck any area where we feel like we're going around the same mountain

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Or just that, you know, here we are

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We're talking about Sabbath this month and even when we are asked to take a rest

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Some of us it's very apparent that there's emotions that are you know

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Maybe we don't even we're not even sure if we want to deal with them

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And so we just stay busy and we're gonna talk about that

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But whatever it is, whatever you're you came in with tonight

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My prayer is that for you and my prayer for you today even before I came was that you would

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Just receive some kind of relief and just let burdens lifting off of you

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and so part one where we're gonna start tonight is identifying the struggle and

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As you all know, I just kind of started planting some seeds. We're in

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September surrender Jackie has been talking a couple weeks ago planted all the seeds about resting and

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Taking Sabbath and what does that look like in every person praying and asking God? What does Sabbath look like for me Lord?

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Lord, what do what do I need to do to partner with Sabbath because it's different for everyone

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but in that

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Even last Saturday for prayer as Elizabeth was leading and I was there

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I was looking, you know watching the chat just kind of seeing how people are doing and one of the common threads was

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I'm feeling really lonely and it's hard to rest because the feelings are all coming up

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And so that's where we're gonna start tonight

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This is this is plaguing our world men and women alike

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um, we often don't want to slow down because when we do or even like, you know, I

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Think a lot of men being married to a man having conversations about this

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men face things where you know, they're the

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leader of the home and they sometimes feel like they can't show how they're really feeling and you know

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and if they do

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How is the female going to respond or how are other people going to respond and all of these things and these?

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Expectations that we put on ourselves and and and some of them which is why we're doing this tonight

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have come from

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Dialogue that we picked up from lies. We believed because of trauma that we went through

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So some of us are still hearing old voices and old tapes

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Playing in our minds and in our spirits when we go to rest and in all of that stuff is rising up

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So here's the scripture foundation that we're going to build on tonight

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John 14 25 through 27 says this all this I've spoken while I am still with you

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This is Jesus talking

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but the advocate the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name will teach you all things and will remind you of

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Everything I have said to you

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Peace I leave with you

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My peace I give you I do not give to you as the world gives

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Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid

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Jesus himself was saying that he was going to give them his

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Peace not just peace in general

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He did say that as well

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But he said he would give them his peace and so I want all of us just tonight like as as I'm continuing in this

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I just wherever you're at. You don't need to unmute

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Yes, Gail. That was John 14 verse 25 through 27. I

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want you just to just kind of pause in your spirit and just

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Just ask Jesus to help you recognize his peace that he's giving you right now

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remember everything that you came in with I

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just want you to allow the peace of Jesus Christ to come right in the middle of your heart tonight and and

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every emotion that you've been feeling the fatigue the overwhelm the

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Exhaustion the sadness some of you all joy, but even in the joy

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I don't know about you all sometimes in the joyous things and the breakthrough areas

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We still need peace because there's all kinds of new stuff that comes with

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Even like stepping into marriage or stepping into a new relationship or what new blessings of jobs?

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And so God we just we just thank you for sending Jesus and Jesus. Thank you for giving us your peace tonight as

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We as we step into

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trying to rest

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Some of us begin striving to even rest.

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So let's talk about some common rest blockers.

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These are things that a lot of us face

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that I believe the Holy Spirit just wants to come in tonight

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and start to remove this from our hearts and lives

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a little bit more.

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And again, I just wanna remind you all,

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it's one step at a time, okay?

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There's gonna always be a process.

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So some of us will get delivered right away from something

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and that does happen.

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But, and I've been through that,

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but most of the situations that I've gotten breakthrough in,

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it has been consistent surrender,

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consistently asking God to give us things and meet us

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and continuing to bring things before Him

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when I'm struggling with something.

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So here are some common rest blockers I have for.

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Busyness as a bandaid.

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So that's number one, busyness as a bandaid.

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So using activity to avoid feeling something, okay?

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So that could even,

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I was in some of my heart work coaching this week

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and I thought this was such a good reminder,

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that's why I wanna say it tonight.

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Sometimes even the busyness can be reading more books,

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doing more classes.

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I'm not saying we shouldn't do those things,

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but some of us need to just slow that down.

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I'm a learner, so I always like to be learning stuff.

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I love to grow my mind, my spirit, my thoughts.

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And sometimes even that, like God's just like,

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okay, just come and sit with me.

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Like that can do more for me in even 30 seconds

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than sometimes hours of reading a book.

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And I love doing all that stuff.

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But some of us that are big learners,

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we might need to just press pause

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on how many things we're putting in our minds.

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If you're someone that's a big analyzer,

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my husband Brian, his brain just is always going,

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analyzing, because that's just the way he's built.

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He's not doing that intentionally.

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So if you're someone like that,

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you might need to try to find something

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to practice resting your brain and your mind.

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So maybe it's getting a massage or whatever.

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But anyways, that busyness as a Band-Aid.

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Number two, the striving spirit.

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I must earn my worth through doing.

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So people that are really struggling

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with that striving spirit internally,

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a lot of times we're hearing the lie

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that we have to earn our worth.

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We have to earn that relationship.

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We have to earn the attention of someone,

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whether that's a boss or whoever.

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Number three, fear of missing out.

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If I rest, I will fall behind.

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Or the FOMO kicks in there,

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fear of missing out on something.

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Y'all, the world goes on.

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Even when we press pause, the world goes on,

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but God helps us get right into where we need to be

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when we come back in and engage again.

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So it's partnering, and we're gonna talk about this later,

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partnering with the rest, okay?

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Number four, loneliness avoidance.

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When I stop, the pain surfaces.

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When I stop, the pain surfaces.

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That's loneliness avoidance.

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Number two was the striving spirit.

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I must earn my worth through doing.

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So here's our heart work kind of press pause.

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Where do you feel resistance

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when you think about truly resting?

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And I would like for you to pick from one of those four.

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And if it's more than one, totally fine,

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but go ahead and put that in the chat for me.

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Where do you feel resistance

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when you think about truly resting?

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All right, we have two FOMOs.

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Anyone else?

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All of them?

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Yeah, I feel like from time to time,

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I have struggled with all of them.

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I grew up in a house, four of us kids.

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I was technically the baby,

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but a lot of times had to be the more grownup one

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in the family.

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But my oldest brother got really great grades.

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I did pretty well, but I felt like when it came to my mom,

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I never measured up to him.

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And so a lot of my life, I was always striving.

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And for those of you that don't know my story,

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my oldest brother was also my main abuser.

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So there was a lot of mixed messages

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there internally going on.

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And so there was always this striving

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to feel worthy of my mom's attention and time.

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Number four was loneliness avoidance.

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When I stop, the pain surfaces.

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All right, I'm gonna keep going.

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So here's where we're gonna revisit

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the supernatural surrender.

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And I'm gonna start to tie this into

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why it's really important to partner with.

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Remember, we wanna ask God's supernatural,

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his super to kind of...

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partner with our natural. So this is where the supernatural surrender comes in. So we're literally

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bringing before the Lord our heart posture of, I'll do it myself. For so many of us, the rest

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competitor is this inner drive that we have to do it ourselves. And even if you think about it,

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like the fear of missing out, if I rest, I'll fall behind. Well, even in that, we're really

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not believing that God is our defender. We're kind of starting to not partner with trust,

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because if we believe we're going to fall behind, then do we really believe that God

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has us right where he wants us to be? It's contradictory. And so we really need to continue

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to ask the Lord, where are our thoughts coming from? What are they rooted in? Are they rooted

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in the truth of his word? Are they rooted in, you know, again, these lies that we've believed

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from trauma in the past, or even recent trauma, or things that we've been going through where we

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got triggered, and then it triggered something from the past. Or, you know, I've talked about

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these things, when you all look at kind of where the strongholds of our lives are at, typically,

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it's that it started way back here. And then when we partnered with it, you know, that stronghold

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starts to build. And every time we partner with it, it makes it stronger. And so the Lord's

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wanting to come in and tear down the strong man tonight. For some of you, your whole life,

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you just have never felt enough. You just, no matter what, like, I can remember the first time

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years ago, my pastor, I went up for prayer, y'all was not an amazing experience, but I've forgiven

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him. But like, he literally in front of everyone to me said, you need to stop striving. And I was

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still kind of fairly new Christian at this time. And I remember thinking, I don't know how like,

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I wish I could have cried that out literally in the altar, but that wasn't what I did. But on the

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inside, that is how I felt. I felt so condemned in that moment. Like I didn't know how to change

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that in me. I wanted it to be different. I didn't want to feel the way I felt.

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And so I never really had anybody teach me how to stop striving. But the more that I've healed,

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what I have come to know is the Father knew exactly God, the Father knew exactly how to

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comfort me and heal me. So that that inner child in me that was crying out that day in the altar,

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like that voice got silenced, not in a harsh way. God loved me and healed me and helped me know that

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like I was just safe in him. And I didn't have to work so hard to get his attention because he sees

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me all the time. And when I really came to understand God's love, like genuine love for me

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more and more, it's literally layer by layer diminished that inner striving, that orphan

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mentality. I've talked to y'all before, like sometimes it was like I was on the outside of

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the gate and I was just begging internally for God to open the gate because I felt like I was

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on the outside just begging to get in. And one day God gave me the revelation that the gate,

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the door that I always viewed was closed, was always open. It was that I viewed it was closed

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and I was on the outside because of things I believed on the inside that were not true.

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So again, I'm just planting seeds. So if you have the, I'll do it myself, again, this shows up in

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all different kinds of ways. But on the inside, you're still like, you know, even trying to date

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and you're trying to meet people like you keep just trying to take the wheel back from Jesus

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and trying to force something to happen or chase someone down or all these things. And I just want

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to encourage you to partner with rest, to partner with, you know, what is God saying to you in this

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season? He says that he'll give us fresh manna literally every day you all, but are we asking

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him to give us a fresh word about our dating situation every day? I mean, you all know I'm

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married, but I'm speaking to you all. Are you, are we asking him to give us a fresh word for our job

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or whatever that situation is? And do we believe that he'll really speak to us? I think that's the

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other key. I still hear a lot of people and there's no condemnation or shame or guilt. I hope you don't

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feel any of that, but I just feel led to bring this out. I still see a lot of people saying, God doesn't

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talk to me. God doesn't talk to me. Well, I'm going to say something. I understand that sometimes

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like way back when I didn't feel like God talked to me either, but I've, I've literally all I've

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been safe since 1998. I've had a lot of time to work on this and grow in my ability to hear him

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and study the word and get to know the word really well and hear God because I know the word. And,

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and so I just want to plant that seed that if you're someone that says often God doesn't talk

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to me, I don't hear, I don't hear God. I want to encourage you to come out of alignment with that.

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Every time you say that, you're partnering with that.

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And so you're literally creating a block.

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It's not that God's not trying to talk to you,

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it's that you're agreeing that you don't hear him.

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But the word actually says that his sheep hear his voice.

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And if you're his sheep,

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then we all have the ability to hear his voice.

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He speaks to us all in different ways.

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And so it's learning and growing in that.

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All right, so on the I'll do it myself,

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I wanna mention recognition, okay?

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Identifying where we've taken control

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instead of trusting God,

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which is kind of where I started tonight.

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Where are you struggling right now

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to trust the Lord is gonna take care of you?

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That he's a good father

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who does fulfill his promises in your life.

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I just talked to Heart Work Group this week

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about the story of Candice.

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If y'all haven't watched the videos for a long time,

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remember she's the woman that God was speaking to Jackie,

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Candice is gonna be there and she needs healing.

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Jackie didn't know who Candice was,

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but God knew who Candice was.

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And he knew exactly how Jackie

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was gonna come into contact with her.

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He knew how to get her what she needed.

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And I wanna just encourage you that that is God,

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that's how he's working in your life right now.

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Whether you realize it or not,

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we've been praying for months in our church for a pastor,

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literally almost a year since we got here.

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And you all, I'm telling you what, it's this so important.

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You just have to keep praying and partnering with faith.

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What is God saying and partnering with what?

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I just can't believe it.

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And God, I know you're,

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I believe you're gonna draw people

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from the North, South, East and West

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to be a part of our team.

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And we've been praying that for months.

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And you all, I'm not joking.

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God sent us a pastor, a worship pastor from the North.

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And then he gave us a double portion

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and we're gonna have an extra pastor coming from Oklahoma.

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We had no clue we were gonna hire two people, God knew.

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And so I'm using that story just to encourage you.

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Like, no matter what you see

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in the physical realm right now,

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if you partner with it's not gonna happen,

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then guess what?

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It's not gonna happen.

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But if you will choose to start partnering again,

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and I'm not saying it's easy, okay?

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We had a lot of oppositions.

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We had a lot of silent months

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where nobody was applying.

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It didn't look like we had anything coming in.

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And then all of a sudden we had like four or five applicants.

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Okay, we've had dry seasons too waiting for this.

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And so I'm just hoping that encourages some of you

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that it might look really dry.

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But if you will keep partnering with God,

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I believe that you're drawing my spirit mate to me

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and me to my spirit mate.

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I trust you in this process

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that God will continue to lead you

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and guide you to your spirit mate.

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Here's another one, the cost.

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How self-reliance blocks God's healing and peace.

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So when we're in that self-reliance,

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again, it's kind of what I was just saying,

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it can tend to block the peace

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and the healing coming into us from the Lord.

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The invitation, God wants to carry what we've been carrying.

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So tonight, what have you been carrying?

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That you, or this week, the whole week maybe,

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that God never intended you to carry?

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Like he didn't intend it for us.

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That's why we feel so bogged down

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and weighed down by these things in life.

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And God's wanting to lift that stuff off of you.

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I'm gonna keep going, lies versus truth declarations.

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So I'm gonna unpack this a little bit.

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And you guys might've heard some of this before,

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but I felt like it was important

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to go through it again tonight.

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Lie number one, I'm not enough.

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I always say when I'm going through the heart work,

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the two top lies that I hear all the time,

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lie number one, I'm not enough.

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And lie number two, I'm not doing enough.

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Or I'm too, like, we also hear lie number three,

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I'm too much,

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but I'm not gonna go into that one as much tonight.

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So lie number one, I'm not enough.

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The truth is I'm fearfully and wonderfully made

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from Psalm 139, 14.

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And that's for men and women alike.

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You know, where we look and we feel lack

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or think we're not enough

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or because we're believing these lies,

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the Lord looks at us and he's like, man, you're amazing.

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I made you so full of this and that

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and all these gifts and these abilities

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and the way that your mind thinks, and I love it.

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But, you know, we're still over here like,

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oh, I guess I'm just not enough.

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That's why nobody's picking me or, you know,

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all these negative thoughts that we have.

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And God just wants to rid that out of our minds

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and our hearts and our spirits tonight.

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Lie number two, I'm not doing enough.

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My worth comes from who I am, not what I do.

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Ephesians 2.10.

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So do you believe that your worth comes

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from things that you're doing or just who you are?

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Maybe that's part of what's getting backwards still.

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Some of you, I truly believe this.

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And again, there's no guilt, shame or condemnation.

400
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I'm just saying things as it's coming up in my spirit.

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The block for you is your identity. You still don't know who you are.

402
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And you're trying to meet a spirit mate and you're going around in circles,

403
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but you're still struggling with your core identity.

404
00:25:11.420 --> 00:25:15.400
And it's so important. It's not like you have to arrive and you have to be perfect.

405
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Okay, that's not true.

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But if you feel like you still don't know who you are, you don't even know what you like,

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I want to encourage you to really rest this month in getting to know yourself better.

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What do you like? Do you go into every like relationships?

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And as soon as you're in one, you lose yourself.

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If that's you, God is inviting you not only in September,

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but in the next months ahead to really like, just get to know yourself.

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Go do things that you haven't done before and figure out,

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even if you've been around for a long time, men or women, it is the same.

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What I'm saying to you, if that applies to you, you still need to get to know yourself.

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I don't care how old you are or how young you are. It's the same.

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Lie number three, I'll miss out if I stop striving.

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God has good plans for me and his timing is perfect.

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Jeremiah 29, 11, that's the truth.

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So remember earlier I was talking about the striving and we're afraid, the FOMO and all of that.

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The opposite of that, the replacing truth is God has good plans for me and his timing is perfect.

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So I'm going to give you this little prayer. I'm going to say it really quickly,

422
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but y'all can always go back and catch this on the replay.

423
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This is surrender practice.

424
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So don't need to unmute, but you can repeat after me.

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God, I surrender my need to control.

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I release my fear of not being enough.

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I give you my loneliness and pain and I choose to trust your love for me.

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Okay, I want y'all to start practicing that and saying it out loud over yourselves

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over and over and over that surrender practice.

430
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And if you can't remember that and you don't want to go back and catch the replay,

431
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get out that supernatural surrender, that initial promise sheet.

432
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For those of you that have gone through the heart work recently,

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I can't remember if I used to say this, but man, I prayed that thing over and over.

434
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I hung it up and I read it over and over and over and over again.

435
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And if you've been in the program two years, three years,

436
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at the end of the day, I know it matters, but it doesn't.

437
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Because everybody came in at different places of your heart healing journey.

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It's about where does God want to take you next?

439
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What does he want to do in you now?

440
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So get that surrender, that permission slip out, redo it, revisit that.

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Literally just fully surrender.

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Because here's the other reality is, remember we heal,

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like the healing happens in layers, forgiveness happens in layers.

444
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I coach on this all the time.

445
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The revelation you had back when you started, you're a different person now.

446
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And I can guarantee if you do that permission slip now or do any of the heart work, revisit it.

447
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You're going to see stuff that you didn't see before.

448
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I've had people do the heart work mentor training with me

449
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and God reveals stuff to them when they're doing that,

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that they did not have revealed in the heart work the first time.

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Literal memories of trauma that came up for them.

452
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And so you all, if you're really struggling, I want to encourage you,

453
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just go back and revisit it.

454
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Go back and listen to the videos.

455
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Reread the book.

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Let God speak to you in a fresh way.

457
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And I know some of you have done the heart work a lot, and I get it.

458
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I listened to the soul ties message alone.

459
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When I, back, back when I was, you know, first starting doing the bootcamp and coaching,

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00:29:00.020 --> 00:29:03.260
I probably listened to that thing 10 times.

461
00:29:03.780 --> 00:29:04.680
I'm not joking.

462
00:29:05.120 --> 00:29:07.300
I just, it was getting me breakthrough and healing.

463
00:29:07.480 --> 00:29:10.400
And so I just like, I'd wait a little bit and then I'd listen to it again.

464
00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:12.040
And God would say something new to me.

465
00:29:12.040 --> 00:29:17.720
And so, you know, revisit stuff, relisten, go, go with a fresh heart.

466
00:29:17.740 --> 00:29:19.180
Not like I've done this before.

467
00:29:19.360 --> 00:29:21.420
So I guess I'll just do it again.

468
00:29:21.420 --> 00:29:24.720
No, go in like, God, I believe you want to say something fresh to me through this.

469
00:29:24.880 --> 00:29:25.900
Like, will you help me here?

470
00:29:26.300 --> 00:29:27.840
And just go in completely fresh.

471
00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:30.380
Okay, number three, embracing the feels to heal.

472
00:29:30.760 --> 00:29:32.840
So we got to go into this a little bit.

473
00:29:33.620 --> 00:29:35.500
God's invitation to feel.

474
00:29:36.340 --> 00:29:41.500
Remember I said some of you all are in the busyness bandaid, busyness as a bandaid.

475
00:29:41.700 --> 00:29:44.120
So you're using activity to avoid feeling.

476
00:29:44.280 --> 00:29:47.220
And some of you are in that loneliness avoidance.

477
00:29:47.720 --> 00:29:50.300
The when I stop, the pain surfaces.

478
00:29:50.300 --> 00:29:53.460
So that's why you're kind of going into that busyness cycle.

479
00:29:54.620 --> 00:29:58.560
Okay, or you're literally just numbing out with alcohol.

480
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.060
things. I mean, that's real. I know that's happening in our community, even though we

481
00:30:04.060 --> 00:30:11.080
encourage you all not to do it. So if you're numbing out with porn or anything, anything,

482
00:30:11.080 --> 00:30:18.580
you all, this is where the rubber meets the road. Do you want God's best? Or are you going

483
00:30:18.580 --> 00:30:24.640
to settle for less? Okay? Yeah, numb out with TV, anything. It can be anything. All right.

484
00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:30.940
So here's the invitation. Jesus modeled this thing for you. I want you to see that Jesus

485
00:30:31.160 --> 00:30:40.000
modeled weeping. He wept. He felt things, you all. He felt compassion. He experienced

486
00:30:39.940 --> 00:30:48.180
grief. Psalm 34, 18 says, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. So remember the healing

487
00:30:48.180 --> 00:30:54.680
path. Feel it. So feel the feels. So that God can heal the feels. So we feel the feels.

488
00:30:54.960 --> 00:31:01.560
We feel it all. Then we bring it to God. That's the next step. Then we receive his comfort.

489
00:31:02.480 --> 00:31:06.760
You know, that's where the revealing for healing is happening. We're, we're giving that stuff

490
00:31:06.760 --> 00:31:11.740
to him. And then we replace the lies with the truth. I pretty much just walked you through

491
00:31:11.740 --> 00:31:16.500
the revealing for healing cycle. I just called it some different verbiage. So if you don't

492
00:31:16.500 --> 00:31:21.440
remember how to process your pain, that revealing for healing cycle worksheet, get that back

493
00:31:21.300 --> 00:31:26.660
out, practice. If you have some new stuff that you just went through, and you're just

494
00:31:26.660 --> 00:31:32.500
feel yourself carrying that around, get that out and process that stuff. So you don't keep

495
00:31:32.500 --> 00:31:40.080
carrying it into the next week. So from avoiding it to embracing it. So from avoiding the pain

496
00:31:40.080 --> 00:31:47.060
to embracing the pain, we're going to talk about that for a minute. So the step number

497
00:31:48.620 --> 00:31:56.500
one is the acknowledgement of it. So what is the pain that you're feeling? You know,

498
00:31:56.580 --> 00:32:00.540
I want you guys just if you have paper right there, if any of you have been feeling any

499
00:32:00.540 --> 00:32:05.540
kind of pain, I want you just to acknowledge it. Like what is it? What are what are you

500
00:32:05.540 --> 00:32:11.560
feeling? And then the next step is to invite God into that. Again, I'm just kind of walking

501
00:32:11.560 --> 00:32:18.940
you all through the supernatural surrender process, essentially. God, I bring this feeling

502
00:32:18.940 --> 00:32:24.660
to you so but you would name it out. The worksheets are inside the heartwork course that you have

503
00:32:24.660 --> 00:32:30.740
access to under your courses tab in the last year single app. And then when you go into

504
00:32:30.740 --> 00:32:36.240
the courses tab and into the heartwork, they're in their respective weeks, the worksheets

505
00:32:35.900 --> 00:32:43.640
are. And you can just click on the different weeks to find them. So it's acknowledged I

506
00:32:43.640 --> 00:32:49.840
feel and like what is it that you're feeling? Number two step invite God in God, I, I bring

507
00:32:49.840 --> 00:33:00.720
this feeling to you. And you're talking to him about whatever it is that you're feeling. And

508
00:33:00.720 --> 00:33:06.660
you are peace. So not only are we feeling it, we're acknowledging it, we're bringing it to

509
00:33:06.660 --> 00:33:12.020
God, but then we're opening up. Remember, we're making room, and we're practicing receiving.

510
00:33:13.380 --> 00:33:17.980
The more we practice receiving from the Lord, the more we're going to be able to learn how

511
00:33:17.980 --> 00:33:28.020
to receive love from other people. Okay. So here's your heartwork question. Check in as we're kind

512
00:33:28.020 --> 00:33:36.900
through this content. What feeling have you been avoiding that God wants to heal? So if,

513
00:33:37.360 --> 00:33:43.020
if you want, you can put that in the chat. What feeling have you been avoiding that God wants to

514
00:33:42.540 --> 00:33:57.480
heal? And if you all want to write that on your paper, that's totally fine. Okay, so Jennifer

515
00:33:57.480 --> 00:34:04.540
said that is a lie. So I am not enough. Let's talk about this. This is a really good example.

516
00:34:05.600 --> 00:34:13.780
So I am not enough is the lie. So you want to identify the feeling that came with that. All

517
00:34:13.780 --> 00:34:18.540
right, so that you can start to kind of identify when this is showing up and maybe what triggered

518
00:34:18.540 --> 00:34:26.159
that for you. So think about what happened that night that caused that lie to surface.

519
00:34:27.100 --> 00:34:30.880
And it could even be something really small, you all. All right, so we have some people saying

520
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:35.620
some of their feelings that they've been avoiding that they want God to heal. I see rejection,

521
00:34:36.020 --> 00:34:43.639
forgotten, less than, overlooked, peace, defeated, FOMO's in there again, comparison, orphan mentality,

522
00:34:43.639 --> 00:34:49.320
disappointment, that it won't happen for me, loneliness, disappointed, anxious, loneliness,

523
00:34:49.900 --> 00:34:55.380
that's coming up quite a bit. It's all on me. Okay, so Kylie, tell us in the chat, like,

524
00:34:55.380 --> 00:34:59.940
follow up with that. When's the first time that you felt like it was

525
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.000
all on you. Let's, let's kind of unpack that. And we're going

526
00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:04.000
to, I'm going to start to open up the heartwork seat here in

527
00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:06.260
just a minute, but I'm just kind of priming the pump with you

528
00:35:06.760 --> 00:35:10.760
all. Um, Janine says, what's wrong with me? Or what am I

529
00:35:10.760 --> 00:35:16.500
missing that is causing my blockage? So I would encourage

530
00:35:16.500 --> 00:35:21.260
you to ask the Lord on that to show you what you can't see.

531
00:35:22.220 --> 00:35:26.400
Okay, there's and the in that statement, what's wrong with me,

532
00:35:26.400 --> 00:35:30.400
that's an identity, that's an identity statement. So earlier

533
00:35:30.400 --> 00:35:32.900
when I was talking about like, you know, God needing to heal

534
00:35:32.900 --> 00:35:37.980
some of us in our identity, um, there's nothing wrong with you,

535
00:35:37.980 --> 00:35:40.900
you're not like, to me, that's like, I'm good, or I'm bad.

536
00:35:41.060 --> 00:35:44.620
It's like black or white, but that's not true. So you're in

537
00:35:44.620 --> 00:35:49.000
process, you're healing, there's a lot great with you. But there

538
00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:52.100
might just be something that you can't see. And so you need the

539
00:35:52.100 --> 00:35:55.400
Lord to show you what you can't see. So that's different than

540
00:35:55.400 --> 00:35:59.100
you're not good, or there's something wrong with you. So

541
00:35:59.100 --> 00:36:01.480
make sure you all are separate and those kind of thoughts out

542
00:36:01.480 --> 00:36:04.200
and you start to really recognize like, like how I just

543
00:36:04.200 --> 00:36:07.480
did there, like, when is something that I'm thinking and

544
00:36:07.480 --> 00:36:12.300
I done like a, the enemy is assaulting my identity, the core

545
00:36:12.300 --> 00:36:17.880
of who I am, and trying to get me to doubt myself as God's

546
00:36:17.880 --> 00:36:21.000
daughter or God's son. Okay, those are that's the identity

547
00:36:21.000 --> 00:36:25.880
stuff. All right. Okay, not needed. I'm feeling

548
00:36:25.880 --> 00:36:28.020
disappointment from relationships not working out

549
00:36:28.020 --> 00:36:31.000
because there's not enough or I'm too old. Gwen, not enough

550
00:36:31.000 --> 00:36:36.560
to old identity. Those are identity things. And the too old

551
00:36:36.560 --> 00:36:40.180
also kind of partner is just a lie. You're not too old. You're

552
00:36:40.180 --> 00:36:43.320
you're way young. So you got plenty of time. All right,

553
00:36:43.380 --> 00:36:46.800
despair, joy, stagnant. I don't know if I'll be able to read all

554
00:36:46.800 --> 00:36:49.020
these. But I'm loving seeing what's in here. I'll try to

555
00:36:49.020 --> 00:36:50.700
circle back because I feel like there's probably gonna be some

556
00:36:50.700 --> 00:36:56.240
coaching opportunities more there as well. So as I get ready

557
00:36:56.240 --> 00:37:00.580
to open the heartwork seat here, I want to just mention a couple

558
00:37:00.580 --> 00:37:03.180
things you guys can get and again, into the heartwork seat

559
00:37:03.180 --> 00:37:06.500
if you have questions about other things, totally fine. But

560
00:37:06.500 --> 00:37:09.140
I just want to put these out there for tonight because of

561
00:37:09.140 --> 00:37:11.520
what we're talking about as we've been leaning into rest.

562
00:37:11.920 --> 00:37:16.080
Again, loneliness is in the thing a lot tonight. And I want

563
00:37:16.080 --> 00:37:19.920
you to know that God understands your loneliness. Like I just

564
00:37:19.920 --> 00:37:23.100
want you to know he like he empathizes with you and he has

565
00:37:23.820 --> 00:37:29.040
compassion, but he doesn't want us to stay there. I dealt with

566
00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:33.100
tons of what I call pangs of loneliness. And I don't just

567
00:37:33.100 --> 00:37:37.680
call it that people like, you know, I don't know what the

568
00:37:37.680 --> 00:37:41.820
phrase is, but people that I studied from their stuff. Other

569
00:37:41.820 --> 00:37:45.120
people that are, you know, way further along in emotional and

570
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:47.720
psychological understanding of things, but they talk about

571
00:37:47.720 --> 00:37:50.180
these pangs of loneliness. And I've talked about it on our

572
00:37:50.180 --> 00:37:53.520
sessions before. But some of you all, it's not just that you feel

573
00:37:53.520 --> 00:37:57.180
lonely, it's that there's this deep neglect and abandonment

574
00:37:57.180 --> 00:38:00.820
from when you were a kid, or even an adult when someone

575
00:38:00.820 --> 00:38:03.940
abandoned you. And it that went into the core of abandonment

576
00:38:03.940 --> 00:38:07.700
from when you were younger, that that is what you're battling.

577
00:38:07.720 --> 00:38:10.180
It's not just that you feel lonely, it's that there's more

578
00:38:10.560 --> 00:38:15.080
to the loneliness and the pain that you feel. And so if there's

579
00:38:15.080 --> 00:38:18.560
that not just Oh, I feel lonely today. But if there's this deep

580
00:38:18.640 --> 00:38:22.820
ache in you, when you feel lonely, that's what it is. So I

581
00:38:22.820 --> 00:38:26.740
would encourage you to pray into that. But here are some things I

582
00:38:26.740 --> 00:38:29.420
want you to be thinking about some reasons maybe to get into

583
00:38:29.420 --> 00:38:34.040
the heartwork seat tonight. Do you have a struggle with

584
00:38:34.040 --> 00:38:39.340
releasing control? And or are you really often feeling like

585
00:38:39.340 --> 00:38:45.860
you have to be perfect? Okay, perfectionism? Are you someone

586
00:38:45.900 --> 00:38:48.300
that's healing from loneliness, you know, some of the things I

587
00:38:48.300 --> 00:38:51.500
was just talking about or struggling to heal from them and

588
00:38:51.500 --> 00:38:57.440
or rejection abandonment? Maybe are you someone who you need to

589
00:38:57.440 --> 00:39:03.080
break agreement with I'm not enough. The lies that we're

590
00:39:03.080 --> 00:39:05.880
hearing that we're not enough, learning to receive love without

591
00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:08.460
earning it. So maybe you're someone that struggles with like

592
00:39:08.460 --> 00:39:11.580
you just don't believe that somebody will love you. If you

593
00:39:11.580 --> 00:39:14.980
don't prove your love to them in some kind of way. And ladies and

594
00:39:14.980 --> 00:39:18.880
gentlemen, I will say this. When I see even myself in the past,

595
00:39:18.940 --> 00:39:24.120
I'll use myself as an example. When I would get into situations

596
00:39:24.120 --> 00:39:28.080
where I would feel like I had to do things that were beyond my

597
00:39:28.200 --> 00:39:32.280
values, that literally contradicted my values. It was

598
00:39:32.660 --> 00:39:37.440
typically if I felt like I had to earn someone's love or

599
00:39:37.440 --> 00:39:41.860
attention. And that's not a good place to be. So we want to

600
00:39:41.860 --> 00:39:45.800
heal so that when we get into relationship, we're not trying to

601
00:39:45.800 --> 00:39:49.600
morph who we are, to fit some kind of mold that we think we

602
00:39:49.600 --> 00:39:52.660
need to accomplish to earn someone's love or affection.

603
00:39:53.420 --> 00:39:58.700
Okay. And so if growing up as a kid, you were struggling to get

604
00:39:58.700 --> 00:39:59.980
affection from your parents,

605
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.600
or attention, and then you went into a marriage

606
00:40:04.600 --> 00:40:05.980
or even other relationships,

607
00:40:06.120 --> 00:40:07.040
even if you didn't get married

608
00:40:07.040 --> 00:40:09.200
and that person literally intentionally

609
00:40:10.600 --> 00:40:12.360
withheld love from you,

610
00:40:13.200 --> 00:40:15.400
that absolutely fed that core wound.

611
00:40:16.340 --> 00:40:18.280
Okay, so we gotta heal the core wounds.

612
00:40:19.200 --> 00:40:19.500
All right?

613
00:40:19.980 --> 00:40:23.500
Okay, so anyone can get into the HeartWorks seat.

614
00:40:23.700 --> 00:40:24.640
I'm gonna go ahead and open up.

615
00:40:24.660 --> 00:40:27.760
The way we're gonna do it is you put your hand up

616
00:40:27.760 --> 00:40:28.720
on the digital screen.

617
00:40:28.720 --> 00:40:30.560
That's the easiest way for me to do it.

618
00:40:30.780 --> 00:40:32.620
That tells me you wanna get into the HeartWorks seat

619
00:40:33.400 --> 00:40:36.020
and I'll go through as many people as I can tonight.

620
00:40:36.520 --> 00:40:39.260
So we're gonna go until about 9.15, 9.30.

621
00:40:39.400 --> 00:40:40.200
We'll see how it goes.

622
00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:43.000
But yeah, Crystal, you can go ahead.

623
00:40:49.640 --> 00:40:50.400
Oh, you're muted.

624
00:40:53.380 --> 00:40:54.140
Hi, hi.

625
00:40:54.180 --> 00:40:54.740
Hi. Thanks.

626
00:40:54.880 --> 00:40:56.400
I'm not sure how to process this,

627
00:40:56.400 --> 00:40:58.100
so I'm just gonna plop it out.

628
00:40:58.100 --> 00:41:01.260
And especially with some of the things you talked about.

629
00:41:01.660 --> 00:41:03.720
I have a foster baby coming tomorrow

630
00:41:04.720 --> 00:41:08.500
and I'm worried about the baby.

631
00:41:08.600 --> 00:41:10.440
The mother had the baby and just dropped it off

632
00:41:10.440 --> 00:41:12.720
and left it, never came back to pick it up.

633
00:41:13.860 --> 00:41:17.060
And I'm asking for the baby and I'm asking for me too,

634
00:41:17.100 --> 00:41:18.440
but I keep having this,

635
00:41:18.440 --> 00:41:21.000
I had this kind of overwhelming meltdown today

636
00:41:21.000 --> 00:41:24.780
of not being able to make this connection with this baby

637
00:41:24.780 --> 00:41:27.420
or not know how to reach it

638
00:41:27.420 --> 00:41:29.600
because of that, like all of the things

639
00:41:29.600 --> 00:41:30.480
that you're just talking about,

640
00:41:30.540 --> 00:41:31.940
the heart wound, the core wound,

641
00:41:32.320 --> 00:41:34.060
the, you know, all of those things.

642
00:41:34.180 --> 00:41:37.120
And I don't want it to be somebody like us

643
00:41:37.120 --> 00:41:38.140
that shows up, you know,

644
00:41:38.160 --> 00:41:40.280
like not saying there's anything wrong with us,

645
00:41:40.280 --> 00:41:43.140
you know, that had to wait and find this HeartWork later.

646
00:41:43.320 --> 00:41:46.040
You know, I would like to be proactive with that.

647
00:41:46.260 --> 00:41:48.420
I mean, and if there's something in me too

648
00:41:48.420 --> 00:41:49.400
that I need to deal with.

649
00:41:50.460 --> 00:41:52.440
Yeah, so the first thing that comes to mind,

650
00:41:52.520 --> 00:41:55.920
number one is, so remember,

651
00:41:57.420 --> 00:42:00.360
fear is false evidence appearing real, okay?

652
00:42:00.680 --> 00:42:03.660
And sometimes fear is based on knowledge

653
00:42:03.660 --> 00:42:05.720
of what we know could be possible.

654
00:42:06.160 --> 00:42:07.660
Like, you know, I'm talking about this stuff tonight.

655
00:42:07.900 --> 00:42:10.500
We also know that, you know, a child that, you know,

656
00:42:10.820 --> 00:42:12.180
goes through something like this

657
00:42:12.180 --> 00:42:15.280
could have extreme rejection things, okay?

658
00:42:15.280 --> 00:42:20.420
We know that, but it's also sometimes those facts

659
00:42:20.420 --> 00:42:22.580
can drive us into fear thoughts.

660
00:42:22.620 --> 00:42:24.940
And then remember that the anxiety,

661
00:42:25.100 --> 00:42:26.800
it fuels anxiety and all of these,

662
00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:28.300
what if, what if, what if, what if?

663
00:42:28.380 --> 00:42:32.240
So the number one thing is just catching those thoughts

664
00:42:32.240 --> 00:42:34.040
and taking them captive tonight, Crystal,

665
00:42:34.240 --> 00:42:35.880
because here's the other reality.

666
00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:41.800
God can supernaturally enable that child

667
00:42:41.800 --> 00:42:45.940
to feel God's love and his peace coming from you.

668
00:42:46.140 --> 00:42:47.960
That child might still struggle some,

669
00:42:48.160 --> 00:42:51.200
but the more that they feel that peace,

670
00:42:51.320 --> 00:42:54.980
it can help them shift and experience love

671
00:42:54.980 --> 00:42:55.760
instead of rejection.

672
00:42:55.760 --> 00:42:58.400
And so I wanna encourage you just to partner

673
00:42:58.960 --> 00:43:02.640
with the good side of what could be possible,

674
00:43:02.980 --> 00:43:05.500
even though like, yes, be aware of the challenges

675
00:43:05.500 --> 00:43:09.380
that might come, but greater is he that is in you

676
00:43:09.380 --> 00:43:10.840
than he that is in the world.

677
00:43:11.140 --> 00:43:15.360
And I literally having have loved other people's kids,

678
00:43:15.500 --> 00:43:19.000
even my stepson, he like had colic so bad as a baby

679
00:43:19.000 --> 00:43:22.260
and he just really struggled and his mom did not wanna,

680
00:43:22.540 --> 00:43:23.560
I mean, she was a young girl.

681
00:43:23.640 --> 00:43:24.460
She didn't wanna get pregnant

682
00:43:24.460 --> 00:43:25.460
when she got pregnant with him.

683
00:43:25.460 --> 00:43:29.740
And so like my stepson, Dylan had a lot of rejection things

684
00:43:29.740 --> 00:43:33.520
when he was little, but man, I just hugged him

685
00:43:33.520 --> 00:43:37.920
and I sang to him and God did something supernatural.

686
00:43:38.080 --> 00:43:39.640
And it wasn't always easy.

687
00:43:39.960 --> 00:43:41.380
Sometimes he was screaming his head off.

688
00:43:42.180 --> 00:43:46.800
And so I just ask God for grace and inner patience

689
00:43:46.800 --> 00:43:50.400
and just to keep being that consistent love for him.

690
00:43:50.840 --> 00:43:54.860
And over time, he did not continue doing that.

691
00:43:55.360 --> 00:43:58.100
He ended up being a very happy, peaceful baby.

692
00:43:58.740 --> 00:44:01.500
And so I just speak that over you in Jesus name

693
00:44:01.500 --> 00:44:03.920
that this baby is gonna feel the peace of God

694
00:44:04.240 --> 00:44:07.200
as you remain rooted in the love and the peace of the father

695
00:44:07.200 --> 00:44:08.580
that it's just the Holy Spirit

696
00:44:08.580 --> 00:44:10.360
is just gonna flow through you too.

697
00:44:10.660 --> 00:44:11.780
I don't know if it's a boy or girl,

698
00:44:11.920 --> 00:44:14.280
but just partnering with that.

699
00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:19.440
And remember, if we receive it, then we can give it away.

700
00:44:20.260 --> 00:44:22.320
And you know this, I'm speaking to you things

701
00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:23.820
you already know, but.

702
00:44:23.820 --> 00:44:25.800
No, you hit the nail on the head.

703
00:44:26.060 --> 00:44:27.640
The enemies all this afternoon,

704
00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:29.560
he was at the what ifs, what ifs, what ifs.

705
00:44:30.340 --> 00:44:36.520
And I was pretty confident and then I actually called

706
00:44:36.520 --> 00:44:38.060
the worker and I was like, I don't know.

707
00:44:38.100 --> 00:44:41.140
I was like, maybe this isn't my step.

708
00:44:41.480 --> 00:44:43.500
And the enemy started coming in with everything.

709
00:44:43.620 --> 00:44:44.560
What about your capacity?

710
00:44:44.700 --> 00:44:45.340
What about your this?

711
00:44:45.520 --> 00:44:46.820
What about, what if, what if, what if, what if?

712
00:44:46.820 --> 00:44:48.140
And I was like, okay, I'm like.

713
00:44:48.720 --> 00:44:52.420
Well, and let's even just, I just wanna make sure

714
00:44:52.420 --> 00:44:53.540
and you might be good here.

715
00:44:53.760 --> 00:44:56.600
But were there any lies that said

716
00:44:56.600 --> 00:44:58.260
that you wouldn't be enough?

717
00:45:01.840 --> 00:45:08.720
Yeah, I think, I think at the core, like, the reason I never fostered or did that, and

718
00:45:08.720 --> 00:45:12.780
the reason I did now was really like Jackie spoke, and I don't know if anybody heard,

719
00:45:12.900 --> 00:45:15.880
but I just kept hearing it over and over. She was like, you know, one excellent foster

720
00:45:16.060 --> 00:45:22.220
parent is better than, you know, none or two crummy ones. So I was like, I can I can do

721
00:45:22.220 --> 00:45:26.880
that. Excellent. I have a lot of love to give away. But I think like, I never wanted to

722
00:45:26.880 --> 00:45:32.300
do it. Because I think the lie that I would say that comes is that, you know, that in

723
00:45:32.300 --> 00:45:36.000
like, a child needs her father, like they need that male influence, you know, and I

724
00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:40.360
know that God is our father. And I know that that's where they need to be pointed first.

725
00:45:40.740 --> 00:45:45.180
But I mean, you know, like, I think that's that keeps coming at me in the back of in

726
00:45:45.180 --> 00:45:49.820
the back of my mind, like, you know, it's just you, it's just you, it's just you. And

727
00:45:49.820 --> 00:45:55.360
that that's the one that gets me. Yeah. Well, and this is the thing. You haven't met your

728
00:45:55.360 --> 00:46:01.560
spirit mate yet. I say this to you guys all the time, ladies and gentlemen, it's yet.

729
00:46:02.620 --> 00:46:07.480
And in God's timing, he will introduce that person, I believe they will be someone that

730
00:46:07.480 --> 00:46:11.940
will be able to love that child as well, if that child is still with you. But either way,

731
00:46:12.520 --> 00:46:19.060
God is leading you to this experience for you in that child until someone else joins

732
00:46:19.060 --> 00:46:27.080
you in that experience. And I encourage you to embrace this, I feel like this is a celebratory

733
00:46:27.080 --> 00:46:32.680
time and the enemy is trying to steal that from you. And I just think God has so much goodness

734
00:46:32.680 --> 00:46:37.720
in this for you, and so much goodness for that child and, and just the joy of what you're going

735
00:46:37.720 --> 00:46:43.140
to provide them. I just saw a family local to us that was foster parents to two girls,

736
00:46:43.140 --> 00:46:47.560
and they just adopted them. And it's beautiful. And I don't know if that's God's plan for you

737
00:46:47.560 --> 00:46:53.180
and this child, but saying like, keep partnering with love crystal, because God's doing something

738
00:46:53.180 --> 00:47:01.760
awesome in your life. And, um, I believe that child does not have to lack irregardless of

739
00:47:01.760 --> 00:47:09.660
how many people are in their life. Okay, thank you. You're welcome. Thanks for sharing that

740
00:47:09.660 --> 00:47:16.660
we're praying for you. Exciting. Let's see. I know, I know your first name by your face,

741
00:47:16.660 --> 00:47:22.480
it begins with a B, but it says Zoom user. Is it Bernice? Did I? You're muted.

742
00:47:23.240 --> 00:47:30.100
Sorry. Yes, it's great. Awesome. Go ahead. Hi. I just wanted to ask you a question.

743
00:47:30.260 --> 00:47:39.240
In a relationship, which I met someone last week, and so we talked for a week. And then

744
00:47:39.240 --> 00:47:45.320
I asked him because he didn't ask me, did you want to exchange

745
00:47:47.160 --> 00:47:53.480
telephone numbers? And he said, yes. And we did. And he said, call me at a certain time.

746
00:47:54.120 --> 00:47:59.680
And I said to him, I can't call you at that time because I have another meeting.

747
00:48:00.780 --> 00:48:10.060
So, um, so after that, there was a pause. And so I was wondering why it was a pause,

748
00:48:10.140 --> 00:48:15.360
because he didn't explain to me or tell me anything. I didn't hear from him. So I asked

749
00:48:15.360 --> 00:48:20.140
him and said, you know, what's going on? Because I thought you wanted to continue to talk.

750
00:48:20.700 --> 00:48:28.300
And he said he was very sorry, but that he was getting ready for his son's

751
00:48:29.780 --> 00:48:38.600
remembrance birthday because his son had passed away in January of 2023. And every year,

752
00:48:38.700 --> 00:48:46.780
his daughter gives them gives a birthday party. And sometimes when he goes through

753
00:48:47.720 --> 00:48:55.360
all of the ins and outs with her to prepare, then he kind of takes a step back because of the

754
00:48:55.360 --> 00:49:03.220
emotions. And he says he uses that as a mechanism to protect himself. And so, you know, I empathize

755
00:49:03.220 --> 00:49:09.400
with them because I lost my granddaughter to last year. And, and I said to him,

756
00:49:09.630 --> 00:49:17.590
um, well, whenever you feel like calling, feel free to call because I didn't want to put pressure

757
00:49:17.590 --> 00:49:24.470
on him. But I just, and I haven't heard from him since. And so I'm wondering, should I talk to him

758
00:49:24.590 --> 00:49:30.390
anymore? Or, I mean, this, I mean, how long, how long are we talking Bernice? Only a week.

759
00:49:32.010 --> 00:49:36.170
I mean, I think just wait, I don't think you need to pursue him at this point, just based

760
00:49:36.170 --> 00:49:39.890
off of Jackie's coaching. I think you should wait to see if he actually does reach out.

761
00:49:40.270 --> 00:49:44.790
I don't know that you need to block him or anything like that. He hasn't done anything

762
00:49:44.810 --> 00:49:48.730
horrible, but he just seems like he's not really, I mean, he's showing you through his actions.

763
00:49:48.750 --> 00:49:54.070
He's either emotionally not in a place to connect, or he's just not really fully pursuing you. We

764
00:49:54.070 --> 00:49:58.990
don't know which one yet. So I think just keep moving forward and meet some other people and

765
00:49:58.990 --> 00:49:59.970
see what God wants to do.

766
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.300
and maybe that conversation will resurface.

767
00:50:05.400 --> 00:50:06.740
And I have one more question.

768
00:50:08.160 --> 00:50:10.560
It seems like this is a pattern

769
00:50:10.560 --> 00:50:12.920
with everybody that I meet.

770
00:50:13.980 --> 00:50:16.800
So it's like, is this a curse or,

771
00:50:17.480 --> 00:50:20.420
cause I'm, I keep experiencing this

772
00:50:20.760 --> 00:50:23.900
and I'm trying to-

773
00:50:23.900 --> 00:50:23.920
Well it's not a curse.

774
00:50:23.920 --> 00:50:25.200
I don't know.

775
00:50:27.680 --> 00:50:30.240
I think God's generational blessings

776
00:50:30.240 --> 00:50:32.500
are more active than even the generational things

777
00:50:32.500 --> 00:50:33.880
that come down through family lines.

778
00:50:34.280 --> 00:50:35.240
I think this is more about,

779
00:50:35.340 --> 00:50:36.940
it might just be the type of person

780
00:50:36.940 --> 00:50:38.680
that you have attracted in the past,

781
00:50:38.780 --> 00:50:40.900
but the more that you grow in confidence

782
00:50:40.900 --> 00:50:42.100
and the more that you heal,

783
00:50:42.460 --> 00:50:45.100
it literally changes the people that we attract

784
00:50:45.100 --> 00:50:46.680
and we engage in conversation with.

785
00:50:46.740 --> 00:50:49.180
And I think a key thing here that you just said

786
00:50:49.180 --> 00:50:51.500
that we need to look at is you said everybody.

787
00:50:52.080 --> 00:50:53.400
Everybody I meet does this.

788
00:50:53.400 --> 00:50:55.860
So literally everyone that you've ever met

789
00:50:56.000 --> 00:50:58.720
falls off and doesn't continue talking to you.

790
00:50:58.820 --> 00:51:02.760
Is that including women and men or just men?

791
00:51:02.820 --> 00:51:05.620
No, just the guys that I've met.

792
00:51:05.960 --> 00:51:08.980
It's like, is Facebook really for real?

793
00:51:09.120 --> 00:51:11.620
Or I just, I don't know.

794
00:51:11.660 --> 00:51:15.380
It's like two days, three days and then nothing.

795
00:51:15.980 --> 00:51:19.600
And so I'm like, what's going on?

796
00:51:21.240 --> 00:51:22.460
I'm, yeah.

797
00:51:22.460 --> 00:51:25.760
I mean, is it all guys or is it just some of the guys?

798
00:51:25.900 --> 00:51:27.180
Is it just the guys on Facebook?

799
00:51:27.180 --> 00:51:28.940
Cause that's kind of what you said there.

800
00:51:28.980 --> 00:51:32.320
So have guys on other apps also done the same thing?

801
00:51:32.680 --> 00:51:34.180
No, just on Facebook.

802
00:51:35.300 --> 00:51:37.820
Okay, so maybe that's not where God's grace

803
00:51:37.820 --> 00:51:39.580
is on your conversations right now.

804
00:51:39.880 --> 00:51:42.480
I mean, one of the biggest thing is Jackie talks about

805
00:51:42.480 --> 00:51:43.740
is don't work it like a job.

806
00:51:43.780 --> 00:51:46.240
And so if it's not working on Facebook,

807
00:51:46.380 --> 00:51:47.360
maybe there's somebody,

808
00:51:47.360 --> 00:51:51.320
maybe God's do like blocking you from people

809
00:51:51.320 --> 00:51:53.840
that aren't healthy to lead you to a different app

810
00:51:53.840 --> 00:51:54.840
where you might meet someone.

811
00:51:55.900 --> 00:51:58.080
I think sometimes we're just making it so hard.

812
00:51:58.440 --> 00:52:00.900
You know, like we're just trying to figure it out.

813
00:52:01.080 --> 00:52:05.540
I don't think we can say any of the apps are flaky.

814
00:52:05.780 --> 00:52:08.640
I met my husband on Facebook and he's pretty amazing.

815
00:52:08.740 --> 00:52:11.220
So I think it just depends on where God

816
00:52:11.460 --> 00:52:13.780
is leading you to meet your person.

817
00:52:14.200 --> 00:52:16.140
You know, so I get it, you all.

818
00:52:16.140 --> 00:52:19.720
I know some of you think certain apps are worse or whatever

819
00:52:19.820 --> 00:52:22.640
but I just, I think we have to just be careful with that.

820
00:52:22.800 --> 00:52:26.060
I think it's just who we're meeting and engaging with.

821
00:52:26.320 --> 00:52:28.100
If online isn't working for you now,

822
00:52:28.300 --> 00:52:30.620
as Jackie always says, like go try something different,

823
00:52:30.780 --> 00:52:33.620
go in person, do something, go to a different city.

824
00:52:33.780 --> 00:52:35.080
You know, some of you all,

825
00:52:35.080 --> 00:52:36.620
I've heard a lot of people recently

826
00:52:36.620 --> 00:52:38.460
talking about God nudging them to move.

827
00:52:38.500 --> 00:52:40.420
And I don't think there's a, that's not a coincidence.

828
00:52:40.660 --> 00:52:42.800
I think God is starting to speak to people

829
00:52:43.020 --> 00:52:44.460
and he's been speaking to people

830
00:52:44.460 --> 00:52:46.920
and people are starting to open up to the idea.

831
00:52:47.600 --> 00:52:50.340
So Bernice, for you, maybe you need to try a different app

832
00:52:50.340 --> 00:52:53.040
for a little while, maybe go to some in-person things

833
00:52:53.040 --> 00:52:55.880
and let's see if you can meet a different caliber of guy.

834
00:52:56.320 --> 00:52:58.160
Maybe right now you're, you know,

835
00:52:58.620 --> 00:53:00.620
sometimes too, we kind of come in

836
00:53:01.040 --> 00:53:03.500
and the conversation doesn't really lift off

837
00:53:03.500 --> 00:53:05.120
and we're not sure where to take it.

838
00:53:05.120 --> 00:53:07.540
I think asking some really fun questions

839
00:53:07.780 --> 00:53:11.320
that aren't like hammering the guy, you know,

840
00:53:11.960 --> 00:53:14.440
but just like fun things that can get them engaging.

841
00:53:14.700 --> 00:53:16.720
If they're a healthy, fun guy,

842
00:53:16.780 --> 00:53:18.020
they're gonna engage with you

843
00:53:18.020 --> 00:53:19.380
and they're gonna pursue conversation.

844
00:53:19.600 --> 00:53:21.180
If they're really serious about dating,

845
00:53:21.600 --> 00:53:23.900
then they'll show us, you know,

846
00:53:23.900 --> 00:53:25.680
most of our guys that we've ever done,

847
00:53:25.720 --> 00:53:27.020
when we did he said, she said,

848
00:53:27.620 --> 00:53:30.420
over and over and over the guys would say, you know,

849
00:53:31.020 --> 00:53:33.640
like they show you, they show you what they want

850
00:53:34.100 --> 00:53:36.040
by their actions, they're gonna show you.

851
00:53:36.460 --> 00:53:38.040
And so just believe them.

852
00:53:38.040 --> 00:53:39.380
And right now this guy,

853
00:53:39.560 --> 00:53:41.320
you can believe what he's telling you.

854
00:53:41.480 --> 00:53:44.040
Right now he's overwhelmed, he's emotionally checking out

855
00:53:44.240 --> 00:53:46.440
and he's not pursuing you.

856
00:53:46.660 --> 00:53:49.360
But I would not partner with everybody I meet,

857
00:53:49.580 --> 00:53:50.400
this is what happens

858
00:53:50.400 --> 00:53:52.580
because that's where we get ourselves into trouble,

859
00:53:52.880 --> 00:53:53.620
ladies and gentlemen.

860
00:53:53.940 --> 00:53:55.020
When we partner with these,

861
00:53:55.200 --> 00:53:57.100
everybody always never statements,

862
00:53:57.120 --> 00:53:59.520
that's actually a signal of an area we need heartwork.

863
00:54:00.440 --> 00:54:02.780
So I would encourage you to ask the Lord,

864
00:54:03.460 --> 00:54:05.140
what are the lies that you're believing

865
00:54:05.260 --> 00:54:07.140
that are causing you to now partner

866
00:54:07.140 --> 00:54:09.080
with every man I meet on here?

867
00:54:09.580 --> 00:54:12.700
You know, I don't, even if it is currently true,

868
00:54:13.240 --> 00:54:16.960
it does not mean that everybody you ever meet on Facebook

869
00:54:16.960 --> 00:54:18.520
is always gonna be this way.

870
00:54:18.840 --> 00:54:21.240
But that's something you're partnering with right now.

871
00:54:22.080 --> 00:54:23.320
So we have to, again,

872
00:54:23.340 --> 00:54:25.120
we gotta come out of alignment with that stuff.

873
00:54:25.460 --> 00:54:27.460
I mean, I literally could say, you know,

874
00:54:27.580 --> 00:54:29.160
every time I go to,

875
00:54:29.400 --> 00:54:30.540
I'm just gonna make something up here.

876
00:54:30.700 --> 00:54:32.080
Every time I go to Starbucks,

877
00:54:32.120 --> 00:54:34.960
I always have to wait in line forever and they ignore me.

878
00:54:35.400 --> 00:54:36.240
You know what I mean?

879
00:54:36.960 --> 00:54:38.700
And I'm not saying that doesn't ever happen.

880
00:54:38.920 --> 00:54:40.340
It really has not happened to me,

881
00:54:40.380 --> 00:54:42.800
but just, it's just an example.

882
00:54:42.920 --> 00:54:46.260
But you see, sometimes something happens once or twice,

883
00:54:46.360 --> 00:54:47.620
maybe even happens three times.

884
00:54:47.860 --> 00:54:49.800
But then when we start partnering with,

885
00:54:50.060 --> 00:54:51.760
they always treat me this way.

886
00:54:53.100 --> 00:54:55.820
And that's what we start attracting then.

887
00:54:56.980 --> 00:54:57.960
Do you see how that works?

888
00:54:58.960 --> 00:54:59.980
So I encourage-

889
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.540
you to kind of like really ask the Lord about that shift your heart posture maybe try a different app

890
00:55:05.800 --> 00:55:10.660
I wouldn't even close down Facebook right now because you may need to kind of circle back with

891
00:55:10.660 --> 00:55:16.820
a different heart and see what happens yeah totally Tim what we're focusing on grows so

892
00:55:16.820 --> 00:55:21.740
if we're focusing on it never happens for me nobody nobody likes me nobody chooses me I'm

893
00:55:21.740 --> 00:55:26.960
always last well those are the things that are gonna you know be evident in our lives the thing

894
00:55:26.960 --> 00:55:33.940
Job feared came upon him so what are you fearing and what are we fearing that is now coming upon us

895
00:55:34.700 --> 00:55:40.400
God's asking you to come out of the fears and out of the anxious thoughts tonight and into

896
00:55:40.620 --> 00:55:45.680
rest so Bernice thank you for sharing those are really really courageous shares appreciate you

897
00:55:47.040 --> 00:55:49.520
yeah you did great Natasha go ahead

898
00:55:53.260 --> 00:56:02.100
hi Bethany and everyone I think it's a bit convoluted today because I actually lost my

899
00:56:02.100 --> 00:56:07.340
grandmom yesterday and that's in Botswana she's in Botswana and I'm in New Zealand

900
00:56:07.880 --> 00:56:13.160
so it's here in New Zealand on my own my whole family's still in Botswana so it's

901
00:56:13.720 --> 00:56:19.780
I'm at peace with it she was 95 she had been in ICU since last week so I'm at peace with that

902
00:56:19.780 --> 00:56:27.260
it's sad but I'm at peace I think we've had a very blessed life with her and I mean she had dementia

903
00:56:28.460 --> 00:56:34.260
had had multiple strokes in probably the last few months that they discovered this week so

904
00:56:35.200 --> 00:56:42.020
quality of life had kind of declined so yeah so that that I'm at peace with but it's kind of like

905
00:56:42.020 --> 00:56:47.660
so for me it's it's two things that have kind of like been ignited in terms of the conversation

906
00:56:47.660 --> 00:56:54.600
today about perfectionism so yes I do tend to be perfectionist and because I'm here on my own and

907
00:56:54.600 --> 00:57:01.420
having to look after myself I say that in inverted commas because I had a conversation with God last

908
00:57:01.420 --> 00:57:05.440
year December about I'm tired of hustling I'm tired of doing everything on myself I'm trying

909
00:57:05.440 --> 00:57:10.040
to looking after myself and all of that and then God said but who said you were looking after

910
00:57:11.100 --> 00:57:15.300
yourself I've been there all along I've been holding you all along and I know that and believe

911
00:57:15.300 --> 00:57:20.640
that but I find that what I'm really struggling with in this season of my life in terms of trying

912
00:57:20.640 --> 00:57:28.380
to grow spiritually is and it's the perfectionistic thing of like reading the Bible and praying I

913
00:57:28.380 --> 00:57:35.160
really struggle with that so I kind of like even when I tried to set time for that I find myself

914
00:57:35.160 --> 00:57:40.020
struggling to be consistent and then because in my head it's like oh if I can't get it right or I

915
00:57:40.440 --> 00:57:45.280
can't it's not speaking to me or popping out to me then that means I'm not doing it right or

916
00:57:45.280 --> 00:57:51.240
I'm not doing it right so that I just kind of like then don't do it so I'm an avoider

917
00:57:52.660 --> 00:57:58.740
and I think that's the same thing with you know the loneliness thing as well that I probably

918
00:57:58.740 --> 00:58:07.520
numb out with TV just so I don't rest I keep filled with TV and so that I don't

919
00:58:07.520 --> 00:58:14.460
have to probably feel the feels and do what I need to do and just yeah if I'm not doing it

920
00:58:14.460 --> 00:58:19.320
I don't have to deal with it kind of thing so I think that that speaks to even with prayer

921
00:58:21.080 --> 00:58:26.140
so I mean not prayer with with the Bible as well because with prayer I'll tend to then just

922
00:58:26.140 --> 00:58:30.160
then just kind of pray or talk to God but with the Bible I'm really struggling

923
00:58:31.200 --> 00:58:35.200
and I just really don't know where to begin in terms of reading the Bible more

924
00:58:35.260 --> 00:58:41.320
and learning the Bible more yeah when was Natasha did you always feel this way when

925
00:58:41.320 --> 00:58:47.740
you would try to read the Bible or is this a new thing I think it's always been like that and

926
00:58:47.740 --> 00:58:55.040
and maturing spiritually it's kind of like where it's it's coming up more and more to me that I

927
00:58:55.040 --> 00:59:01.080
think there's this voice that I should be further along in my spirituality because I mean I'm I'm 40

928
00:59:01.080 --> 00:59:07.160
now I was born in a Christian family so I've accepted I've accepted I accepted God when I was

929
00:59:07.320 --> 00:59:11.860
very young so it's kind of like so I've always kind of relied on my mom

930
00:59:13.320 --> 00:59:18.380
with regards to that like if I needed scripture or I needed anything then I was like mom where's

931
00:59:18.520 --> 00:59:22.660
where's where does it talk about this again and where does it you know and that that type of a

932
00:59:22.660 --> 00:59:28.320
thing and I know that and I know that even in university when I was in university if I was

933
00:59:28.320 --> 00:59:35.380
struggling like really struggled especially during exam season with anxiety and studying and I'd

934
00:59:35.380 --> 00:59:40.520
always believe that no mom has to pray for me because God hears her prayers more than he hears

935
00:59:40.520 --> 00:59:46.460
my prayers so I so that's why so here I'm kind of like I feel more convicted in terms of that

936
00:59:46.540 --> 00:59:50.820
you need to be further along you should be further along in terms of your spiritual

937
00:59:50.820 --> 00:59:57.960
journey in your relationship with God so that's why it's highlighting more in this season in my life now

938
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.060
Yeah, so this man, y'all, this is a real, I mean, they're all good conversations, but

939
01:00:05.060 --> 01:00:05.920
this one's rich.

940
01:00:06.120 --> 01:00:07.740
Okay, so we're gonna unpack this a little bit.

941
01:00:09.360 --> 01:00:16.880
So let's look at when is the first time you remember feeling like, let's just go here,

942
01:00:16.880 --> 01:00:20.540
because this is standing out right now, God hears my mom's prayers more than mine.

943
01:00:20.680 --> 01:00:25.580
When do you when was the first time you heard that and believed that lie?

944
01:00:26.380 --> 01:00:34.880
Probably when I was in my first year university, so that would have been what, 2005?

945
01:00:37.980 --> 01:00:43.840
Okay, so when you were growing up in a Christian family, which is amazing, it's great heritage

946
01:00:43.920 --> 01:00:52.840
and lineage, you know, one of the things that stood out to me is you said, you know, I've

947
01:00:52.840 --> 01:00:55.460
always been this way, I should be further along.

948
01:00:56.000 --> 01:00:58.960
And then you said, after that, I was born into a Christian family.

949
01:00:59.220 --> 01:01:05.240
And so I'm just wondering, you know, this, to me, says comparison trap all over it.

950
01:01:05.300 --> 01:01:07.840
And so when you were younger, did you have siblings?

951
01:01:08.020 --> 01:01:09.240
Like what was that like?

952
01:01:12.140 --> 01:01:17.080
Technically, I'm an only child, but I do, I do consider my first cousins, my siblings,

953
01:01:17.160 --> 01:01:21.480
because we were raised together and grew up together, because we were all raised with

954
01:01:21.480 --> 01:01:27.140
my mom there, but also in the same yard, I call it the family compound as my grandparents.

955
01:01:27.480 --> 01:01:30.360
So we were, it's, we are raised by the village effectively.

956
01:01:30.740 --> 01:01:33.920
So raised by my mom, my grandparents and her siblings.

957
01:01:35.580 --> 01:01:41.280
So I would say that the comparison though, would have come when I was in primary school,

958
01:01:41.280 --> 01:01:47.840
because my mom would say to me, I've never believed that I'm smart, because my mom would

959
01:01:47.840 --> 01:01:54.040
say to me, even when I was younger, that you're average, like me, so you need to work harder.

960
01:01:54.560 --> 01:01:57.340
So that's kind of like, that's the lie that I believed.

961
01:01:57.440 --> 01:02:00.540
And I don't think she never meant to hurt me with that statement.

962
01:02:00.640 --> 01:02:06.520
But I think that's what's carried, been carried through, right through, even when I, even

963
01:02:06.520 --> 01:02:10.540
when people say, because I have a master's, because I'm a, I'm a clinical psychologist

964
01:02:10.540 --> 01:02:11.340
by profession.

965
01:02:11.500 --> 01:02:16.480
So they say, oh, so you, you, you're like, you're smart, you're an academic, I'm like,

966
01:02:16.520 --> 01:02:17.120
no, I'm not.

967
01:02:17.120 --> 01:02:21.480
And I don't believe I am because I was like, I've always had a calling.

968
01:02:21.720 --> 01:02:26.360
I knew God called me to be a psychologist because I've been wanted to be a psychologist

969
01:02:26.360 --> 01:02:27.860
since the age of 10 years old.

970
01:02:28.260 --> 01:02:33.220
But I always knew that you need to work harder because you're not smart, you're average.

971
01:02:33.540 --> 01:02:33.840
Yeah.

972
01:02:34.100 --> 01:02:35.500
So y'all, okay.

973
01:02:35.500 --> 01:02:42.480
So this started out as a conversation about growing in her Bible knowledge, but I want

974
01:02:42.480 --> 01:02:43.920
y'all to see the layers here.

975
01:02:44.920 --> 01:02:51.560
When she was younger, while her mom did not mean to hurt her, there was something that

976
01:02:51.560 --> 01:02:54.540
was spoken over her that she partnered with that was a lie.

977
01:02:54.620 --> 01:03:00.860
And it's now still hanging around and it's not just hanging around in the academic world.

978
01:03:01.140 --> 01:03:04.740
Now it's hanging around in the Bible reading space.

979
01:03:05.180 --> 01:03:05.740
Okay.

980
01:03:05.740 --> 01:03:07.760
So I want you to see the similarities there.

981
01:03:08.000 --> 01:03:13.060
And so the first thing that we need to do, and there might be even times before this

982
01:03:13.060 --> 01:03:19.380
time, but I, I really believe number one, we've got like, you've got to come out of

983
01:03:19.380 --> 01:03:28.860
agreement with your average, like me, because it doesn't sound like that's the case.

984
01:03:29.380 --> 01:03:35.500
And even if it was believing and partnering with that is what's going to then cause problems

985
01:03:36.940 --> 01:03:39.680
for you as you keep trying to, you know, move forward.

986
01:03:39.680 --> 01:03:45.940
And so I want to encourage you to like tonight, like come out of agreement with the lie that

987
01:03:45.940 --> 01:03:46.660
I'm average.

988
01:03:46.660 --> 01:03:49.600
And you also said, I don't really think I'm smart.

989
01:03:49.900 --> 01:03:55.560
And so it's a choice to come out of agreement, alignment with those thoughts and those lies.

990
01:03:55.780 --> 01:04:00.740
And then there can be supernatural shifts that start to happen where you're not always

991
01:04:00.780 --> 01:04:04.920
like here's going to be my guess, this is going to be my guess that you actually are

992
01:04:04.920 --> 01:04:09.420
probably doing a great job reading the Bible and you're probably actually hearing things,

993
01:04:09.420 --> 01:04:14.420
but because you have this internal dialogue that you're just not smart enough, it's, it's

994
01:04:14.420 --> 01:04:20.060
contradicting even the stuff that you're doing to, to read and to grow.

995
01:04:20.700 --> 01:04:25.280
And so number one, coming out of agreement with those lies.

996
01:04:25.300 --> 01:04:29.640
Number two, asking, remember the revealing for healing cycle, asking God to replace the

997
01:04:29.640 --> 01:04:30.220
lie with the truth.

998
01:04:30.220 --> 01:04:37.340
Not only scripturally, I'm big on, okay, God giving me a declaration, like what's the opposite

999
01:04:37.340 --> 01:04:37.920
of the lie.

1000
01:04:37.920 --> 01:04:43.080
So there's two lies there, not smart, and there's probably more, but these are the two

1001
01:04:43.080 --> 01:04:48.260
that we identified so far, not smart and you're average, like your mom.

1002
01:04:49.000 --> 01:04:52.420
So what is the truth to replace those lies?

1003
01:04:52.520 --> 01:04:54.660
Well, like what is the opposite declaration?

1004
01:04:55.720 --> 01:04:58.200
Well, the one is I am smart.

1005
01:04:58.780 --> 01:04:59.500
I am.

1006
01:04:59.500 --> 01:04:59.980
I'm smart.

1007
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.680
And I'm able to study and earn degrees and I I'm thriving in my job

1008
01:05:05.680 --> 01:05:07.840
You know, there's all different kind of things you can say

1009
01:05:07.840 --> 01:05:14.220
But where you're starting to partner with again, like it might take time for you to internally believe it

1010
01:05:14.220 --> 01:05:20.600
But you start with coming out of agreement with the lie and declaring truth now on the other one

1011
01:05:21.120 --> 01:05:27.860
I'm just gonna encourage you to ask the Lord to start showing you what's the opposite of the lie?

1012
01:05:28.460 --> 01:05:30.280
You're average like your mom

1013
01:05:31.360 --> 01:05:33.560
And your mom is probably amazing

1014
01:05:33.640 --> 01:05:41.200
You're and here's you know, what? Here's the other thing the fact that your mom said you're average like me

1015
01:05:41.980 --> 01:05:45.920
That to me is also an identifier of a generational lie

1016
01:05:46.360 --> 01:05:53.020
That's been believed and I would say it's probably was spoken over her is your grandmother just passed away

1017
01:05:53.800 --> 01:05:55.720
Yeah, your mom's mom

1018
01:05:57.080 --> 01:06:02.160
Interesting, okay, so I don't think that's a coincidence that that's coming up tonight either and

1019
01:06:03.140 --> 01:06:08.780
No shame on you know, your grandma. I'm so sorry that you lost her. It sounds like she was a beautiful person

1020
01:06:09.840 --> 01:06:10.320
but

1021
01:06:11.100 --> 01:06:15.120
It might have been a lie that and I don't know you'd have to maybe one day ask your mom

1022
01:06:15.120 --> 01:06:19.460
But it might have been a lie that your grandma believed, you know, who knows this could go way back

1023
01:06:20.220 --> 01:06:24.700
But it actually sounds like you had a family full of extraordinary women

1024
01:06:25.240 --> 01:06:26.300
and they are

1025
01:06:26.860 --> 01:06:33.060
Yeah, but you all have been believing the lie that you're less than that. You're not enough, you know internally

1026
01:06:33.200 --> 01:06:39.160
and so I'll be curious just to see when you come out of agreement with these lies and I'm gonna encourage you to do a

1027
01:06:39.160 --> 01:06:42.260
Forgiveness prayer sheet to forgive yourself for believing these lies

1028
01:06:43.960 --> 01:06:44.460
Okay

1029
01:06:46.340 --> 01:06:48.680
And let's just see what else comes up

1030
01:06:48.760 --> 01:06:54.380
I think the Bible reading I'm is gonna come the more that you partner with the truth

1031
01:06:54.900 --> 01:07:02.080
Just the feeling of like relief that you actually are connecting. I think it's like I said, I think it's already happening

1032
01:07:02.840 --> 01:07:03.360
but

1033
01:07:04.540 --> 01:07:08.220
It's just that you're partnering with these lies subconsciously right now

1034
01:07:08.780 --> 01:07:13.100
but the other thought I had is that I really want to encourage you to

1035
01:07:14.140 --> 01:07:17.040
Ask God to show you how to have fun with him

1036
01:07:19.260 --> 01:07:24.260
Because I think as much as you guys know, I'm big on let's read the Bible, let's learn it

1037
01:07:24.260 --> 01:07:26.600
But I feel like God wants to show you something different

1038
01:07:28.200 --> 01:07:34.000
And that you don't always have to be in an academic you don't have to prove yourself to anyone

1039
01:07:35.380 --> 01:07:42.200
And I think I kind of already know the answer to that and Jackie also mentioned it around, you know

1040
01:07:42.960 --> 01:07:48.460
I've I just recently joined the the choir in my new church and

1041
01:07:48.620 --> 01:07:50.420
so I've always

1042
01:07:50.420 --> 01:07:55.680
Found I I really connect with God through through worship and singing

1043
01:07:56.300 --> 01:08:02.800
and Jackie mentioned how you know, the old older gospel songs actually scripture and

1044
01:08:03.580 --> 01:08:08.460
That's one way for me to be totally it's actually through that

1045
01:08:09.380 --> 01:08:13.200
So that that that has kind of been like, oh that's something and you know

1046
01:08:13.200 --> 01:08:19.359
I need to be more intentional about searching for those older songs and because I did I do love them and I grew up on them

1047
01:08:19.359 --> 01:08:23.819
So I do know and love them. So it's just I guess also connecting in that way as well

1048
01:08:24.460 --> 01:08:31.420
Yeah, and if you I mean it sounds like if you love music, I mean y'all I would make up some kind of funny stuff

1049
01:08:31.420 --> 01:08:37.359
but like sometimes I would just like sing and make stuff up like as I was studying scripture and I would just try to make

1050
01:08:37.359 --> 01:08:39.300
it fun because I

1051
01:08:39.300 --> 01:08:44.100
Don't know like I just think God is really fun. And I don't think he just wants us to feel like

1052
01:08:44.939 --> 01:08:49.080
It's boring all the time to read the word. I think he likes to do fun stuff with us

1053
01:08:49.080 --> 01:08:50.420
He likes to show us fun things

1054
01:08:50.580 --> 01:08:57.100
so that's when like I went through this whole season and of like I'd just be on a walk and God would point out a

1055
01:08:57.100 --> 01:09:02.760
number on a house to me and I'd be like, oh, I don't just catch my attention and I I remember him just like

1056
01:09:03.460 --> 01:09:08.200
Kind of one day like why don't you ask me about that? Like I just kind of started having this conversation

1057
01:09:08.319 --> 01:09:10.340
Well, it it led to a scripture

1058
01:09:10.340 --> 01:09:17.520
he wanted me to look up a scripture and that scripture spoke very deeply to some things I was praying about and that started this

1059
01:09:17.520 --> 01:09:19.420
whole new adventure of

1060
01:09:20.000 --> 01:09:26.279
kind of like hide and go seek seek and you shall find and it became like not just and I loved I can sit down and

1061
01:09:26.279 --> 01:09:29.040
Just read the word and I love it. Um

1062
01:09:29.040 --> 01:09:30.899
But I think there's something about

1063
01:09:33.279 --> 01:09:40.580
Understanding that God wants to be found in new ways and he wants us to know his his word in some new ways

1064
01:09:40.580 --> 01:09:43.500
And so I think this can be a really

1065
01:09:44.060 --> 01:09:44.620
fun

1066
01:09:45.180 --> 01:09:47.140
reawakening for you and just grace

1067
01:09:48.180 --> 01:09:53.420
So, you know, we're in Sabbath resting in you know who you are and that's enough

1068
01:09:54.000 --> 01:09:59.980
It is. Thank you. Thank you for sharing you praying for you and your family. I look forward to hearing from

1069
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.820
kind of what happens as you pray into some of this stuff

1070
01:10:02.820 --> 01:10:03.780
in the days ahead, okay?

1071
01:10:04.600 --> 01:10:05.520
Yeah, thank you.

1072
01:10:05.980 --> 01:10:06.620
Thank you.

1073
01:10:06.840 --> 01:10:08.740
Deborah Byers, go ahead.

1074
01:10:13.360 --> 01:10:16.200
Thank you for taking me, Bethany.

1075
01:10:17.140 --> 01:10:20.860
So I guess at this point, I'm just,

1076
01:10:23.320 --> 01:10:26.540
I'm just really struggling with the loneliness,

1077
01:10:27.020 --> 01:10:29.380
the deep seated loneliness.

1078
01:10:29.380 --> 01:10:33.640
I've been divorced for 24 years now.

1079
01:10:34.880 --> 01:10:38.960
And actually, September 11th was the last day

1080
01:10:38.960 --> 01:10:42.100
that I talked to my ex-husband 24 years ago.

1081
01:10:43.880 --> 01:10:50.720
So, but it seems as if God does answer my prayers.

1082
01:10:51.040 --> 01:10:52.240
He listens to me.

1083
01:10:53.180 --> 01:10:55.480
I'm doing all the right things.

1084
01:10:56.220 --> 01:10:58.400
He answers my other prayers.

1085
01:10:58.400 --> 01:11:02.080
And every other way, I mean, friends are being healed.

1086
01:11:02.440 --> 01:11:05.520
My mother is being healed of cancer.

1087
01:11:07.240 --> 01:11:09.020
I don't have any siblings.

1088
01:11:09.380 --> 01:11:11.680
I've been reunited with a past family member

1089
01:11:11.680 --> 01:11:13.640
this past summer that I haven't seen

1090
01:11:13.640 --> 01:11:15.200
since I was three years old.

1091
01:11:15.780 --> 01:11:17.660
A lot of prayers have been answered,

1092
01:11:18.100 --> 01:11:21.600
except in this one area of dating.

1093
01:11:23.240 --> 01:11:23.920
Loneliness.

1094
01:11:25.380 --> 01:11:26.920
I have a very full life.

1095
01:11:26.920 --> 01:11:29.800
I play in two orchestra groups.

1096
01:11:30.480 --> 01:11:31.760
I work full time.

1097
01:11:33.380 --> 01:11:37.140
I even am starting a singles group in my church

1098
01:11:37.140 --> 01:11:40.720
that meets together once a month for lunch

1099
01:11:40.960 --> 01:11:46.500
after church is in a casual setting, just once a month.

1100
01:11:46.820 --> 01:11:50.140
And surprisingly have been bombarded

1101
01:11:50.140 --> 01:11:55.320
with all ages of singles reaching out to me, wanting this.

1102
01:11:55.320 --> 01:11:57.400
From thirties to 85.

1103
01:11:59.980 --> 01:12:04.420
So, and we meet once a month just for fellowship.

1104
01:12:05.520 --> 01:12:07.940
And so it seems like, you know,

1105
01:12:07.940 --> 01:12:10.080
and I do different things this weekend.

1106
01:12:10.080 --> 01:12:14.900
I'm going to an alumni watching party for my college.

1107
01:12:14.900 --> 01:12:17.860
And then on Saturday night, I plan to go to the symphony,

1108
01:12:19.100 --> 01:12:20.460
see a symphony concert.

1109
01:12:20.620 --> 01:12:23.720
So I'm very active and I do a lot of things,

1110
01:12:23.720 --> 01:12:28.060
but I even pray that God would bring, you know,

1111
01:12:28.060 --> 01:12:31.520
good candidates into my scope, my field,

1112
01:12:31.720 --> 01:12:33.780
everywhere I go that I would just be able

1113
01:12:34.000 --> 01:12:37.360
to actually date, go on a date.

1114
01:12:38.900 --> 01:12:39.720
And with-

1115
01:12:39.720 --> 01:12:41.540
So let me, can I ask you a question?

1116
01:12:41.540 --> 01:12:42.020
Yes.

1117
01:12:44.020 --> 01:12:46.320
So, you know how I was talking about,

1118
01:12:46.640 --> 01:12:47.660
sometimes we stay busy.

1119
01:12:48.320 --> 01:12:49.900
Yes, that's me.

1120
01:12:49.900 --> 01:12:50.620
Yeah.

1121
01:12:51.380 --> 01:12:55.280
I actually think you need to create more downtime.

1122
01:12:56.100 --> 01:12:56.720
Yes.

1123
01:12:56.800 --> 01:12:59.020
And I did, I did pray about that.

1124
01:12:59.200 --> 01:13:01.700
And God, yeah, God answered that prayer too.

1125
01:13:01.900 --> 01:13:06.760
He took away that second orchestra that I am in.

1126
01:13:07.140 --> 01:13:09.160
They asked me to be a substitute now,

1127
01:13:09.220 --> 01:13:13.620
not a full-time member because they wanted to hire,

1128
01:13:13.760 --> 01:13:15.460
because they said they wanted to focus

1129
01:13:15.460 --> 01:13:19.180
on the college students and hire them

1130
01:13:19.180 --> 01:13:20.920
and use me as a substitute.

1131
01:13:21.300 --> 01:13:23.740
So all of a sudden I have Wednesday nights

1132
01:13:23.740 --> 01:13:30.220
and Sunday mornings open now that I've not had in two years.

1133
01:13:30.520 --> 01:13:31.520
That's awesome.

1134
01:13:31.840 --> 01:13:35.020
So when you slow down, Deborah, when you slow down,

1135
01:13:35.280 --> 01:13:36.720
you talked about the loneliness,

1136
01:13:37.080 --> 01:13:38.720
the deep loneliness when you started.

1137
01:13:40.320 --> 01:13:41.720
Talk to me about that.

1138
01:13:41.780 --> 01:13:43.960
Like, what are some of the lies that you're hearing

1139
01:13:44.140 --> 01:13:46.440
when you're feeling really deep loneliness?

1140
01:13:48.120 --> 01:13:50.220
I'm always going to be alone.

1141
01:13:51.800 --> 01:13:55.000
Yeah, and then no matter what I do,

1142
01:13:55.080 --> 01:13:57.560
no matter what I do, like for at work,

1143
01:13:57.560 --> 01:13:59.740
I had to move my office today.

1144
01:14:00.060 --> 01:14:03.380
And the principal said, I'm sorry, I can't help you.

1145
01:14:04.140 --> 01:14:06.520
And somebody said, well, why don't you ask the custodians?

1146
01:14:06.780 --> 01:14:08.880
The custodians couldn't help me.

1147
01:14:09.080 --> 01:14:12.840
So I'm always having to do things alone.

1148
01:14:13.520 --> 01:14:17.120
And I know that's a lie that Satan is telling me

1149
01:14:17.120 --> 01:14:18.720
that I'm always going to be alone.

1150
01:14:19.880 --> 01:14:22.440
So when's the first time you believe the lie,

1151
01:14:22.640 --> 01:14:24.140
I'm always going to have to do everything alone?

1152
01:14:24.320 --> 01:14:25.980
Probably when I was a child.

1153
01:14:26.120 --> 01:14:28.340
Yes, I was raised by a single mother

1154
01:14:28.340 --> 01:14:30.940
who was working retail full-time.

1155
01:14:31.480 --> 01:14:35.740
So oftentimes I was alone, even as a teenager,

1156
01:14:36.620 --> 01:14:39.620
eating dinner or working.

1157
01:14:39.780 --> 01:14:41.500
My mom was working odd hours.

1158
01:14:43.460 --> 01:14:45.400
I'm really sorry to hear that.

1159
01:14:45.400 --> 01:14:47.940
My mom actually worked like that.

1160
01:14:47.980 --> 01:14:51.260
And that's when a lot of my deep-seated abandonment

1161
01:14:51.260 --> 01:14:52.620
and neglect came into play.

1162
01:14:53.480 --> 01:14:54.820
I don't think that's a coincidence

1163
01:14:55.020 --> 01:14:57.660
that there's some similarities there.

1164
01:14:58.520 --> 01:14:58.520


1165
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.800
When's the first time, like, do you remember feeling alone,

1166
01:15:03.800 --> 01:15:04.720
like, as a kid?

1167
01:15:04.840 --> 01:15:06.560
Like, was it before you were a teenager,

1168
01:15:06.640 --> 01:15:08.500
or was the teenager your first memory?

1169
01:15:09.200 --> 01:15:11.120
Way before that, yeah.

1170
01:15:12.400 --> 01:15:16.840
My mother was married five times.

1171
01:15:18.420 --> 01:15:21.360
And all very, you know, bad men.

1172
01:15:21.680 --> 01:15:26.900
And so to escape, I would go to friends' houses.

1173
01:15:27.780 --> 01:15:31.580
And then oftentimes, you know, when I had to come back home,

1174
01:15:31.580 --> 01:15:35.260
I would, you know, be alone in my room or something

1175
01:15:35.700 --> 01:15:36.900
like that.

1176
01:15:36.960 --> 01:15:39.440
OK, so tell me, how old were you when you first

1177
01:15:39.440 --> 01:15:41.100
remember feeling alone?

1178
01:15:42.720 --> 01:15:45.600
Let's see, probably seven or eight.

1179
01:15:47.940 --> 01:15:50.620
OK, so one of the things I talk to people about

1180
01:15:51.220 --> 01:15:53.320
is, you know, inviting Jesus to come

1181
01:15:53.320 --> 01:15:55.300
into some of those early memories.

1182
01:15:56.860 --> 01:16:00.780
Because here's the tough thing, is that at the core,

1183
01:16:01.580 --> 01:16:04.760
you believe you have to do everything alone.

1184
01:16:04.860 --> 01:16:07.720
So even if you're trying to meet someone,

1185
01:16:08.260 --> 01:16:10.320
there's this independent side of you

1186
01:16:10.320 --> 01:16:13.280
that's just really subconsciously strong.

1187
01:16:15.200 --> 01:16:18.260
And it's nothing you're doing, you know,

1188
01:16:18.260 --> 01:16:20.440
it's not that you're doing something intentionally.

1189
01:16:20.920 --> 01:16:23.760
But just from what I've learned, even myself,

1190
01:16:23.760 --> 01:16:27.520
like I either attracted men that were big takers

1191
01:16:27.520 --> 01:16:31.040
because I was a big giver, or like I would just

1192
01:16:31.040 --> 01:16:33.540
give off this vibe that I didn't need anybody.

1193
01:16:34.280 --> 01:16:35.780
And even now, I have to work on that.

1194
01:16:35.940 --> 01:16:36.860
People will say to me all the time,

1195
01:16:37.080 --> 01:16:38.540
you don't have to do everything yourself.

1196
01:16:38.580 --> 01:16:40.560
And I'm like, I don't want to do everything myself.

1197
01:16:40.600 --> 01:16:41.600
I don't know why people think this.

1198
01:16:41.840 --> 01:16:44.260
But when I really step back, part of it

1199
01:16:44.260 --> 01:16:47.540
is that I had to do stuff on my own most of my life.

1200
01:16:47.540 --> 01:16:51.500
And I have to be very intentional to actually like,

1201
01:16:52.220 --> 01:16:55.280
I need to ask people to come and help me do this.

1202
01:16:55.340 --> 01:16:57.640
I have to really work at that.

1203
01:16:58.040 --> 01:17:02.420
And so I had to really do a lot of work

1204
01:17:02.800 --> 01:17:06.520
on inviting Jesus to come into those early form

1205
01:17:06.520 --> 01:17:09.220
into that very young times of my life

1206
01:17:09.220 --> 01:17:13.780
that I was left home alone or in the dark.

1207
01:17:13.920 --> 01:17:15.760
I had a lot of fear of the dark when I was younger

1208
01:17:15.760 --> 01:17:19.400
so that he could come and illuminate those areas,

1209
01:17:19.400 --> 01:17:22.540
not just me now trying to heal the younger,

1210
01:17:22.820 --> 01:17:25.240
but literally Jesus, show me where you were at.

1211
01:17:25.800 --> 01:17:29.460
Like for me, times when I was so afraid

1212
01:17:29.460 --> 01:17:31.720
and I would literally hunker down

1213
01:17:31.720 --> 01:17:34.060
in front of this chair in our living room.

1214
01:17:34.160 --> 01:17:35.720
And I was afraid to move

1215
01:17:35.720 --> 01:17:37.600
because I thought people were looking in the windows.

1216
01:17:37.660 --> 01:17:40.380
And this is stuff that happened because I was alone.

1217
01:17:40.420 --> 01:17:42.440
I felt alone and afraid.

1218
01:17:42.440 --> 01:17:44.860
And I didn't have people there to defend me.

1219
01:17:45.080 --> 01:17:47.320
And it was other stuff that I went through.

1220
01:17:47.320 --> 01:17:50.120
Y'all, this is how the enemy works though.

1221
01:17:50.820 --> 01:17:52.260
And so I'm using this as an example

1222
01:17:52.760 --> 01:17:57.480
because I had to ask Jesus to come into that place with me

1223
01:17:57.860 --> 01:18:02.260
and show me the truth and help me to heal in those places.

1224
01:18:02.460 --> 01:18:03.420
Does that make sense?

1225
01:18:04.260 --> 01:18:05.560
Yes, that makes sense.

1226
01:18:05.700 --> 01:18:09.000
Like today when I was told I wouldn't get any help

1227
01:18:09.000 --> 01:18:12.540
to move my office, I just told me,

1228
01:18:12.760 --> 01:18:16.320
ask the PE coach, we have one male on our campus

1229
01:18:16.320 --> 01:18:18.220
and I emailed him.

1230
01:18:18.560 --> 01:18:20.640
And sure enough, he came up when he had a break

1231
01:18:20.640 --> 01:18:24.620
and he said, you do so much for all of us.

1232
01:18:25.040 --> 01:18:26.840
This is the least I could do to help.

1233
01:18:26.920 --> 01:18:30.480
And I didn't even think about asking him earlier.

1234
01:18:30.640 --> 01:18:32.380
I think that was God.

1235
01:18:33.440 --> 01:18:35.040
And so it sounds like it.

1236
01:18:35.040 --> 01:18:36.180
Yeah, so he did.

1237
01:18:36.520 --> 01:18:37.740
He helped move me.

1238
01:18:38.780 --> 01:18:42.580
And even though, yeah, that makes sense

1239
01:18:42.580 --> 01:18:49.140
because this is stemming from very early in my life.

1240
01:18:49.780 --> 01:18:53.320
Yeah, and interestingly, when you were telling the story,

1241
01:18:53.440 --> 01:18:56.560
and it's totally fine, like what it didn't come out

1242
01:18:56.560 --> 01:18:59.640
until that the PE guy came to help you until just now.

1243
01:19:00.540 --> 01:19:02.500
But what you were saying is nobody,

1244
01:19:02.800 --> 01:19:05.120
like I'm always gonna have to do everything myself.

1245
01:19:05.360 --> 01:19:07.280
So do you see again how the enemy,

1246
01:19:07.540 --> 01:19:09.720
like he's always trying to get us to partner with,

1247
01:19:10.480 --> 01:19:12.280
you know, I kind of make light of this,

1248
01:19:12.280 --> 01:19:15.280
but you remember that for those of you

1249
01:19:15.280 --> 01:19:18.120
that have ever had to read, nobody likes me.

1250
01:19:18.460 --> 01:19:19.660
Everybody hates me.

1251
01:19:19.780 --> 01:19:21.680
I guess I'll go eat worms, that whole thing.

1252
01:19:21.920 --> 01:19:23.500
I don't know why this always comes up

1253
01:19:23.500 --> 01:19:24.920
when I do these hard work coachings.

1254
01:19:24.920 --> 01:19:27.180
I feel like an advanced hard work that comes up a lot.

1255
01:19:27.340 --> 01:19:28.360
I don't know why you all,

1256
01:19:29.240 --> 01:19:31.540
but I think there's something to that.

1257
01:19:31.760 --> 01:19:35.600
We grow up as kids saying this kind of stuff to ourselves.

1258
01:19:36.360 --> 01:19:38.480
I don't even know, it's like came out of some book

1259
01:19:38.480 --> 01:19:40.200
that we had to read, I think as kids,

1260
01:19:40.200 --> 01:19:42.600
but like genuinely on the inside,

1261
01:19:43.180 --> 01:19:44.240
I know I'm kind of making light of it,

1262
01:19:44.260 --> 01:19:46.480
but I think some of us actually think those things

1263
01:19:47.020 --> 01:19:48.840
and we partner with that stuff.

1264
01:19:49.200 --> 01:19:50.920
And so then we're living that out

1265
01:19:50.920 --> 01:19:52.960
and then we just partner with,

1266
01:19:55.540 --> 01:19:58.220
well, I gotta do everything by myself.

1267
01:19:58.320 --> 01:19:59.860
The whole thing that I said earlier,

1268
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.420
Like that whole, that inner child,

1269
01:20:01.580 --> 01:20:03.980
I do it myself, I do it myself, I don't need anybody.

1270
01:20:04.180 --> 01:20:06.380
And we partner with, it's just easier to be single.

1271
01:20:07.260 --> 01:20:08.820
And all of these things,

1272
01:20:09.120 --> 01:20:11.260
and those are not true statements.

1273
01:20:12.480 --> 01:20:13.740
They're not true statements.

1274
01:20:14.000 --> 01:20:16.060
But we have to come out of agreement with the lie

1275
01:20:16.060 --> 01:20:18.100
before we can come into agreement with the truth.

1276
01:20:18.460 --> 01:20:20.180
And so asking the Lord,

1277
01:20:20.260 --> 01:20:22.200
I think it's gonna be really important for you, Debra,

1278
01:20:22.500 --> 01:20:24.860
to come into that place when you were seven or eight.

1279
01:20:24.880 --> 01:20:27.240
And I'm gonna guess that when you let him come in

1280
01:20:27.240 --> 01:20:28.480
and heal in that place,

1281
01:20:28.480 --> 01:20:30.820
and specifically, Jesus, will you come in,

1282
01:20:30.820 --> 01:20:32.000
whatever the memory is,

1283
01:20:32.560 --> 01:20:36.300
come in and show me where you were when this was happening.

1284
01:20:36.980 --> 01:20:38.360
And then show me, like,

1285
01:20:38.360 --> 01:20:41.200
help me to hear what your spirit wants me to know about that.

1286
01:20:42.160 --> 01:20:45.200
Like, you're literally inviting the light of Christ

1287
01:20:45.240 --> 01:20:49.520
to come into the dark area of your soul in this area,

1288
01:20:49.660 --> 01:20:51.320
and to illuminate it,

1289
01:20:51.360 --> 01:20:55.400
and to help you hear his truth in that moment.

1290
01:20:57.020 --> 01:20:59.160
And, like, allowing him to come in,

1291
01:20:59.160 --> 01:21:01.960
I have a feeling there's probably gonna be another memory

1292
01:21:01.960 --> 01:21:03.400
that's gonna pop up for you.

1293
01:21:03.640 --> 01:21:05.260
But let's start with that,

1294
01:21:05.360 --> 01:21:08.360
whatever that one is in the seven or eight years old.

1295
01:21:08.660 --> 01:21:10.480
And then the other thing is the,

1296
01:21:11.440 --> 01:21:12.340
when you slow down,

1297
01:21:12.380 --> 01:21:14.240
I really want you to pay attention,

1298
01:21:14.400 --> 01:21:16.540
like on those Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings,

1299
01:21:16.540 --> 01:21:19.680
that you're not gonna be doing this other symphony.

1300
01:21:19.680 --> 01:21:26.560
I want you to pay attention to how you feel

1301
01:21:26.560 --> 01:21:28.140
when you slow down.

1302
01:21:28.640 --> 01:21:31.220
Like, start journaling, even if it seems silly.

1303
01:21:31.400 --> 01:21:34.340
Like, I feel sad when this happened.

1304
01:21:34.460 --> 01:21:36.580
You might've been driving by a certain place in town,

1305
01:21:36.720 --> 01:21:40.300
or, you know, you were sitting down to eat dinner,

1306
01:21:40.420 --> 01:21:43.880
or, like, just start to notice when the lies are surfacing,

1307
01:21:44.080 --> 01:21:46.200
and, like, what's causing them to surface.

1308
01:21:46.260 --> 01:21:49.000
Because that's where you also wanna ask the Lord

1309
01:21:49.000 --> 01:21:50.460
to come into those places,

1310
01:21:51.100 --> 01:21:54.060
and reveal, like, okay, Lord,

1311
01:21:54.120 --> 01:21:56.320
bring the truth, replace this lie,

1312
01:21:56.340 --> 01:21:59.600
but also, you know, was there a time, Father,

1313
01:21:59.980 --> 01:22:02.800
that I felt this way before

1314
01:22:03.220 --> 01:22:05.580
that this is now surfacing again?

1315
01:22:05.620 --> 01:22:09.080
So it's all, it's literally about always going back to,

1316
01:22:09.400 --> 01:22:11.020
okay, I'm feeling this now,

1317
01:22:11.640 --> 01:22:13.860
but where's the root of this?

1318
01:22:13.920 --> 01:22:15.620
Is it just in something recent,

1319
01:22:15.660 --> 01:22:17.880
or, Lord, did I feel this before?

1320
01:22:19.120 --> 01:22:21.300
So, like, for example, when you said,

1321
01:22:22.160 --> 01:22:23.420
I would come home from my friends,

1322
01:22:23.580 --> 01:22:25.980
and I would go to my room by myself a lot.

1323
01:22:26.140 --> 01:22:29.160
I just wonder if there's certain, like,

1324
01:22:29.160 --> 01:22:30.500
things that you're doing in your life

1325
01:22:30.500 --> 01:22:32.780
that when you don't have it full of stuff,

1326
01:22:33.400 --> 01:22:35.500
that when you're having that experience,

1327
01:22:35.680 --> 01:22:38.160
it's actually subconsciously reminding you

1328
01:22:38.160 --> 01:22:40.860
of how you felt when you were in your room

1329
01:22:40.860 --> 01:22:42.120
by yourself, or something,

1330
01:22:42.200 --> 01:22:44.380
and so you're just trying to fill that space,

1331
01:22:44.680 --> 01:22:46.860
and then when you're filling those spaces

1332
01:22:46.860 --> 01:22:48.640
with all that stuff, you're not, like,

1333
01:22:48.640 --> 01:22:51.160
you're not even having time to really meet people,

1334
01:22:51.980 --> 01:22:53.520
or even give off the persona

1335
01:22:53.520 --> 01:22:56.460
that you actually want to invite more people,

1336
01:22:57.260 --> 01:22:59.500
you know, whether that's a guy that you're meeting,

1337
01:22:59.580 --> 01:23:01.180
or even a friend, you know,

1338
01:23:01.180 --> 01:23:03.580
that you have the space to even receive them,

1339
01:23:03.640 --> 01:23:05.820
you know, but let's start with the healing first.

1340
01:23:06.060 --> 01:23:07.660
I think that's gonna, I think that's,

1341
01:23:08.200 --> 01:23:10.200
that'll be a game changer for you, Deborah.

1342
01:23:11.960 --> 01:23:13.340
Okay, thank you so much.

1343
01:23:13.740 --> 01:23:15.900
You're welcome, and, you know,

1344
01:23:16.560 --> 01:23:18.280
for all of my ladies and gentlemen

1345
01:23:18.280 --> 01:23:21.240
that have been divorced for a long time,

1346
01:23:22.780 --> 01:23:24.780
I did not go through that,

1347
01:23:25.100 --> 01:23:28.220
so I can't say that I know what that's like,

1348
01:23:28.460 --> 01:23:31.240
but what I feel led to encourage you all in

1349
01:23:31.400 --> 01:23:34.240
is be very careful to not partner with,

1350
01:23:34.500 --> 01:23:35.920
I've just been alone forever,

1351
01:23:36.040 --> 01:23:37.780
this is just never gonna work,

1352
01:23:38.480 --> 01:23:40.400
you know, because the Lord,

1353
01:23:40.900 --> 01:23:44.080
the enemy is trying to get you to partner with,

1354
01:23:44.780 --> 01:23:47.460
yeah, you've just been, you've been divorced all this time,

1355
01:23:47.460 --> 01:23:50.480
God's not answering your prayers,

1356
01:23:50.820 --> 01:23:52.020
God's answering every other prayer,

1357
01:23:52.120 --> 01:23:54.020
but he just is neglecting you in this area,

1358
01:23:54.520 --> 01:23:56.360
because kind of where you started,

1359
01:23:56.580 --> 01:23:57.640
and not that you were saying that,

1360
01:23:58.000 --> 01:24:02.680
but you said, it seems as if God is answering my prayers,

1361
01:24:03.160 --> 01:24:05.740
and I put that in quotes as soon as you said it,

1362
01:24:06.060 --> 01:24:09.340
it seems as if, and then you went on to say,

1363
01:24:09.420 --> 01:24:11.480
God answered my prayers in all these other areas,

1364
01:24:11.680 --> 01:24:13.560
but he's not answering me here,

1365
01:24:14.080 --> 01:24:16.460
and I get that, like, again,

1366
01:24:16.460 --> 01:24:17.660
not because I've been through it,

1367
01:24:17.720 --> 01:24:19.100
but I get what you're saying,

1368
01:24:19.580 --> 01:24:21.640
and for anyone else that relates to that,

1369
01:24:21.720 --> 01:24:22.740
I see a lot of you in the chat,

1370
01:24:22.800 --> 01:24:25.140
I see you, we see you, we love you,

1371
01:24:25.180 --> 01:24:27.040
but I want you to come out of agreement

1372
01:24:27.080 --> 01:24:30.080
with that God does not answer my prayers in this area.

1373
01:24:31.600 --> 01:24:33.020
It's gonna be really important for y'all

1374
01:24:33.020 --> 01:24:35.340
to not partner with that, okay?

1375
01:24:35.440 --> 01:24:37.820
And again, I'm not minimizing what you've been through,

1376
01:24:39.280 --> 01:24:42.840
but there is something to say about partnering with God,

1377
01:24:42.840 --> 01:24:47.520
I trust that you are leading me one step at a time

1378
01:24:47.740 --> 01:24:51.500
closer to my spirit mate, no matter what I see right now.

1379
01:24:51.760 --> 01:24:53.140
Remember I said, even though I know

1380
01:24:53.140 --> 01:24:55.080
we only waited for a year for a worship pastor,

1381
01:24:56.060 --> 01:24:57.940
it felt like a really long year, you all.

1382
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:07.400
But we just kept praying and I kept saying God I know and I trust because you told me you were gonna give this to us

1383
01:25:09.060 --> 01:25:12.540
So help us help us to receive the person

1384
01:25:13.800 --> 01:25:21.380
Okay, but I also we had to do things we had to partner and like in Deborah's case. She needs to do less

1385
01:25:22.720 --> 01:25:29.100
Okay, so some of you all and some of you all remember you're your partner with it's just easier to be single and the more

1386
01:25:29.100 --> 01:25:30.480
You tell yourself that again

1387
01:25:30.940 --> 01:25:37.300
What we you know, what does Jackie say what we believe we become what we become we attract something like that

1388
01:25:37.300 --> 01:25:40.500
I might be saying that a little off but that comes to mind as well

1389
01:25:41.280 --> 01:25:43.900
Deborah, thank you for sharing with us. So good

1390
01:25:46.120 --> 01:25:47.580
Jennifer go ahead

1391
01:25:50.480 --> 01:25:54.100
This is Jennifer Weigert, there's often a lot of yeah, sorry

1392
01:25:54.840 --> 01:25:57.060
No, it's fine. Um

1393
01:25:57.060 --> 01:26:03.180
I'm not usually on here very often. I have to watch a lot of replays due to my schedule. And so welcome

1394
01:26:03.220 --> 01:26:06.120
I thank you. I might get a little bit emotional

1395
01:26:06.720 --> 01:26:10.820
Cuz okay. All right. I was the one that wrote that like

1396
01:26:12.840 --> 01:26:17.340
This last Tuesday night I had those thoughts if I'm not enough and

1397
01:26:19.040 --> 01:26:23.900
Listening to everyone else there is there's that abandonment

1398
01:26:25.300 --> 01:26:31.000
From childhood and all those things and I've just taken like five pages of notes

1399
01:26:32.720 --> 01:26:36.060
So, I don't really know where to begin but I

1400
01:26:37.180 --> 01:26:37.780
have

1401
01:26:38.640 --> 01:26:43.380
Developed a relationship with an amazing man. Like just we work together

1402
01:26:44.900 --> 01:26:50.720
I had to interview him last December and I was like, I even asked my boss who's like a good friend of mine

1403
01:26:50.720 --> 01:26:52.440
I'm like, is he cute? Is he single?

1404
01:26:54.060 --> 01:26:56.880
And then I met him and I'm like, oh what a bore

1405
01:26:57.620 --> 01:26:58.700
No big deal

1406
01:26:59.080 --> 01:27:04.140
but then I got to know his heart and he was so caring and loving and

1407
01:27:05.060 --> 01:27:06.400
I was like

1408
01:27:06.400 --> 01:27:11.680
Freaking out and shaking when we were at a work lunch because I needed to eat. I've lost a ton of weight

1409
01:27:11.860 --> 01:27:17.900
I have been doing Pilates five days a week. I'm like in the best shape I've ever been in in

1410
01:27:19.300 --> 01:27:21.040
26 years, so

1411
01:27:21.040 --> 01:27:25.160
I've done so much work myself and my heart and

1412
01:27:28.240 --> 01:27:34.280
He has we really just started to develop a spiritual relationship and a friendship and

1413
01:27:35.660 --> 01:27:41.460
When I saw his heart I was like, oh my gosh like this guy is amazing

1414
01:27:42.580 --> 01:27:43.300
so

1415
01:27:44.180 --> 01:27:46.560
Let's say six months to now

1416
01:27:48.040 --> 01:27:53.920
I even asked him because like I've gone over I've helped him move like we've done

1417
01:27:53.920 --> 01:28:00.340
We were just silly like he's about to be 50. I'm about to be 47 on Saturday. I help him move

1418
01:28:00.340 --> 01:28:03.380
I'm sweating to death like just disgusting

1419
01:28:04.340 --> 01:28:09.800
He was like, wow. I'm like, well, that's what happens in Texas in the humidity in June

1420
01:28:09.800 --> 01:28:14.820
so get used to it and then like we're in the we're in the

1421
01:28:16.300 --> 01:28:21.320
What is it called the storage unit and he's like, you know, you want to get on that thing and he was like

1422
01:28:21.420 --> 01:28:26.580
pushing me down we were running we filmed it like we just have a lot of fun together and

1423
01:28:27.520 --> 01:28:31.720
He prays with me and I've been going through a lot. My son just

1424
01:28:32.000 --> 01:28:37.020
Started in the army today as an officer. He was this first day here

1425
01:28:37.020 --> 01:28:41.940
So he's been home, which has been a blessing and I wrote about that in the chat

1426
01:28:43.380 --> 01:28:44.380
but um

1427
01:28:44.380 --> 01:28:47.060
It's a blessing that he was home because I've been through a lot with him and

1428
01:28:49.160 --> 01:28:49.940
That kid

1429
01:28:50.440 --> 01:28:52.180
he was like

1430
01:28:52.180 --> 01:28:57.760
Told my friends. He said make sure that my mom eats and that she blows out her candles at night

1431
01:28:57.820 --> 01:29:03.380
So she doesn't like the house on fire. So I have these amazing kids, but none of them live here anymore and

1432
01:29:05.540 --> 01:29:06.400
This guy

1433
01:29:07.840 --> 01:29:09.420
He's gotten to know them

1434
01:29:10.260 --> 01:29:15.420
He prays over them he came and took pictures of me and my son in his uniform

1435
01:29:15.740 --> 01:29:17.700
Because that's all I wanted for my birthday

1436
01:29:18.240 --> 01:29:20.780
was to have these pictures of my kid and

1437
01:29:23.220 --> 01:29:27.360
He and I are so aligned in so many ways, but I know he's been hurt

1438
01:29:27.400 --> 01:29:31.660
He's had two divorces like only married a total of five years

1439
01:29:33.460 --> 01:29:34.540
combined and

1440
01:29:34.540 --> 01:29:36.600
You know one cheated on him

1441
01:29:37.320 --> 01:29:43.400
One I think was having an affair with another woman like from what it sounds like and it was just over and

1442
01:29:45.400 --> 01:29:45.960
We've bonded

1443
01:29:46.740 --> 01:29:50.520
But I know he's going through a lot and I said listen

1444
01:29:51.420 --> 01:29:57.200
When I'm having my hard moments, I said, what did you say to me? I said you said

1445
01:29:57.420 --> 01:29:59.680
Get dressed and come meet me for lunch

1446
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:01.380
We need to talk about this.

1447
01:30:01.540 --> 01:30:04.760
And he prayed and like, it's beautiful.

1448
01:30:05.220 --> 01:30:08.980
I went to three nights of a worship night with him and he's on his

1449
01:30:08.980 --> 01:30:13.220
knees, just like praying, but I could tell there was some resistance

1450
01:30:13.440 --> 01:30:18.540
there of wanting anyone to think that we were together, like, and we're not,

1451
01:30:18.900 --> 01:30:20.300
you know, like we haven't held hands.

1452
01:30:20.500 --> 01:30:26.880
We just, we've had so many dinners where we talk for hours and there's

1453
01:30:26.880 --> 01:30:28.280
definitely a connection, right.

1454
01:30:29.160 --> 01:30:32.940
But he says, I'm very specific about the people that I want to date.

1455
01:30:33.600 --> 01:30:38.660
And I'm like, okay, so anyway, as he's opening up to me, I could tell

1456
01:30:38.660 --> 01:30:40.320
him he was really upset one night.

1457
01:30:40.320 --> 01:30:46.500
And I said, listen, when I'm upset, you tell me, get over here.

1458
01:30:46.820 --> 01:30:49.120
Let's go grab something to eat and let's talk.

1459
01:30:49.720 --> 01:30:51.580
And I said, but you won't do the same.

1460
01:30:52.400 --> 01:30:54.740
And he said, do you really want me to tell you?

1461
01:30:55.080 --> 01:30:56.320
And I said, yeah, I do.

1462
01:30:57.320 --> 01:31:02.960
And I knew that he had a thing for this girl when I met him.

1463
01:31:04.560 --> 01:31:05.740
Um, they weren't in a relationship.

1464
01:31:06.020 --> 01:31:08.880
He just felt again, spiritually connected to her.

1465
01:31:09.020 --> 01:31:15.820
They were rebaptized on the same day, but I could tell this woman does not like him.

1466
01:31:15.820 --> 01:31:19.260
Like I even said, are you, you know, are you on any dating gaps?

1467
01:31:19.260 --> 01:31:22.500
And she's like, no, I just want it to happen organically.

1468
01:31:23.180 --> 01:31:26.940
But there's this vision of what he thinks he wants.

1469
01:31:28.040 --> 01:31:32.040
And I was able to tell him, I said, can I, can I tell you the truth of what I saw?

1470
01:31:32.040 --> 01:31:33.620
Cause he's like, yeah, you met her.

1471
01:31:33.800 --> 01:31:40.780
And I, I messed things up and I'm really heartbroken over this.

1472
01:31:40.880 --> 01:31:49.120
And I said his name and I said, listen, one, you have told me a lot about your

1473
01:31:49.120 --> 01:31:52.600
ex-wives and I said, this is copy paste.

1474
01:31:53.520 --> 01:31:54.920
She's exactly that.

1475
01:31:55.960 --> 01:31:58.240
And I said, I know you want that.

1476
01:31:58.240 --> 01:32:02.420
I'm like, you see a blonde hair, blue eyed woman, and you beeline for her.

1477
01:32:03.020 --> 01:32:04.340
And he's like, really?

1478
01:32:04.420 --> 01:32:05.160
And I said, yes.

1479
01:32:05.160 --> 01:32:06.720
Like we go to networking events.

1480
01:32:07.120 --> 01:32:08.280
People think we're together.

1481
01:32:08.520 --> 01:32:11.460
Like even my bosses have been like, is there something going on?

1482
01:32:12.900 --> 01:32:14.860
But we are really close.

1483
01:32:14.860 --> 01:32:21.160
And, you know, I think about it because it's level three, as Jackie says, with

1484
01:32:21.160 --> 01:32:26.580
the way that we, we have devotionals together and we talk and we pray and I,

1485
01:32:27.060 --> 01:32:35.560
he knows everything and I know everything, but he just doesn't see me as that person.

1486
01:32:37.040 --> 01:32:38.240
And it hurts.

1487
01:32:38.940 --> 01:32:40.840
So let me, let me ask you a question.

1488
01:32:40.840 --> 01:32:44.040
And I see some people saying they have to go totally understand.

1489
01:32:44.040 --> 01:32:46.460
I am going to finish with Jennifer.

1490
01:32:46.760 --> 01:32:50.500
I will go with Christiana and Lori, and then we'll close down for the night.

1491
01:32:50.680 --> 01:32:50.900
Okay.

1492
01:32:50.900 --> 01:32:52.740
But if people need to log out, totally understand.

1493
01:32:53.240 --> 01:32:55.060
So Jennifer, here's my question for you though.

1494
01:32:56.220 --> 01:33:00.720
We started talking about you and I understand that you're talking about

1495
01:33:00.720 --> 01:33:04.100
this guy, cause I think you're feeling some loneliness because he's actually

1496
01:33:04.100 --> 01:33:08.340
not willing to pursue you in a romantic way, right?

1497
01:33:08.340 --> 01:33:09.700
I think that's what I'm picking on here.

1498
01:33:09.700 --> 01:33:15.700
But the interesting thing is, is that I know very little about

1499
01:33:15.700 --> 01:33:17.580
what you're really going through.

1500
01:33:18.500 --> 01:33:19.680
No guys going through.

1501
01:33:19.980 --> 01:33:23.020
I think that's very telling right now.

1502
01:33:23.020 --> 01:33:23.580
Right.

1503
01:33:24.160 --> 01:33:24.840
Yeah.

1504
01:33:24.840 --> 01:33:28.180
You know, and I'm just being honest, like, well, I'm just

1505
01:33:29.500 --> 01:33:37.520
of like, we're connected, but what I'm going through is, you

1506
01:33:37.520 --> 01:33:39.020
know, there's a lot of changes.

1507
01:33:39.580 --> 01:33:46.600
And I want that person to partner with me and to love my kids with me.

1508
01:33:46.860 --> 01:33:49.800
And they're really awesome, awesome kids.

1509
01:33:50.000 --> 01:33:55.900
Like they love talking about their faith and like my daughter is 17 and she's

1510
01:33:55.900 --> 01:34:00.480
like, yeah, I wasn't getting fed here well enough, so I'm going here.

1511
01:34:01.380 --> 01:34:05.280
And he values that and they value him.

1512
01:34:05.960 --> 01:34:10.040
Yeah, but he's not pursuing you that way, you know?

1513
01:34:10.120 --> 01:34:13.900
And I think the tough thing is this, is that you guys have grown this

1514
01:34:13.900 --> 01:34:18.040
spiritual bond, which is why we encourage you guys not to pray with people.

1515
01:34:20.720 --> 01:34:22.340
And you're not in trouble, Jennifer.

1516
01:34:22.860 --> 01:34:22.860


1517
01:34:23.160 --> 01:34:24.600
I am in so much trouble.

1518
01:34:25.740 --> 01:34:29.480
Well, I think that you're, you're really in deep emotionally, like

1519
01:34:29.480 --> 01:34:31.060
your heart's in it with this guy.

1520
01:34:31.060 --> 01:34:38.220
And, um, I think that you're going to need to be really careful because, um.

1521
01:34:39.080 --> 01:34:41.480
Well, and that's like tonight listening.

1522
01:34:41.640 --> 01:34:45.940
Like I grew up in Southern California and I had a huge fear of earthquakes

1523
01:34:46.060 --> 01:34:51.640
because we had a really big one when I was a little kid and my dad was gone.

1524
01:34:51.700 --> 01:34:52.660
He was in Paris.

1525
01:34:52.820 --> 01:34:55.820
My brother was gone and I didn't know where to go.

1526
01:34:55.860 --> 01:34:57.240
It was like the first real one.

1527
01:34:57.260 --> 01:34:59.420
I was in therapy as a kid for like ever.

1528
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:06.900
And the therapist, they hypnotized me because they were like, she is so scared of being alone

1529
01:35:07.400 --> 01:35:14.380
that we, they thought that I was like sexually molested by somebody. They were convinced

1530
01:35:14.380 --> 01:35:24.040
because I had so much fear, but it really was abandonment. And then, so, so with your kids

1531
01:35:24.040 --> 01:35:29.240
being gone, because this is also something that surfaced as you were talking, your, your,

1532
01:35:30.140 --> 01:35:34.720
your kids are gone. So you're have an empty nest. Is that what I hear you saying?

1533
01:35:35.400 --> 01:35:40.820
I have my 17 year old is splits time at her dad's house in mine. So she's been gone.

1534
01:35:42.360 --> 01:35:48.720
Yeah. So when you are hearing the lie, I'm not enough. And you're feeling the abandonment.

1535
01:35:48.720 --> 01:35:55.880
Is it because this guy isn't choosing you or is it because you're alone and you have these,

1536
01:35:55.880 --> 01:36:02.340
you know, this, this loneliness and abandonment wound that need healing? I mean, it's,

1537
01:36:03.140 --> 01:36:08.400
but I'm saying like what triggered it that night? It, it triggers that because it is,

1538
01:36:08.400 --> 01:36:13.920
it's like, no one chooses me. You know, my ex-husband had an affair after 21 years of marriage.

1539
01:36:14.480 --> 01:36:17.840
So it's like, he chose someone else. I wasn't good enough.

1540
01:36:19.760 --> 01:36:25.740
Um, okay. So again, here's this other core lie coming out. No one, do you see how the enemy

1541
01:36:25.740 --> 01:36:31.780
works? You all it's always, never, nobody, everybody, you know? And so as soon as that,

1542
01:36:32.060 --> 01:36:39.180
no one chooses me, is it only your ex in the sky that, you know, aren't choosing you? Is there

1543
01:36:39.180 --> 01:36:47.840
like, did dad not choose you did something else? Yeah. Dad was gone a lot. He, um,

1544
01:36:49.280 --> 01:36:54.460
aerospace engineer, he was always gone, uh, worked for NATO. So he's always in other countries

1545
01:36:55.220 --> 01:37:01.580
and he was gone a lot. Um, I'm only, my parents were divorced when I was in high school.

1546
01:37:01.800 --> 01:37:08.120
My ex-husband, his mom didn't want him to marry me because I came from a divorced home.

1547
01:37:09.360 --> 01:37:15.560
Like what? Um, so anyway, some people are just really afraid about that. Not that that makes

1548
01:37:16.460 --> 01:37:22.560
not only my ex-husband, but his brothers also left their wives. So it's like, like, let's look

1549
01:37:22.560 --> 01:37:29.800
at what's really going on here. But anyway, no, it's just, it's that, and even in like,

1550
01:37:30.620 --> 01:37:35.640
like elementary school, you know, I was the last one chosen to go play on their little softball

1551
01:37:35.640 --> 01:37:43.180
thing at recess and, and at the core, this lie keeps surfacing and really I'm not enough

1552
01:37:43.180 --> 01:37:50.140
partners with no one chooses me. Right. Okay. I mean, if you guys, if we all just start looking

1553
01:37:50.640 --> 01:37:58.180
at the lies that are kind of tangoing together, I let's write down the lies that you're hearing

1554
01:37:58.180 --> 01:38:05.200
and you'll start to see, like, there's these similar lies that like, they're just kind of

1555
01:38:05.200 --> 01:38:10.480
and there's these things that we know that we've been through that need healing. So

1556
01:38:10.680 --> 01:38:17.700
if you were believing in elementary school that nobody picked you and your dad, you're telling me

1557
01:38:17.700 --> 01:38:22.540
your dad was gone a lot for work, you know, it sounds like he was probably trying to provide

1558
01:38:22.540 --> 01:38:28.040
for family. His job took him away. Maybe when he was home, he wasn't able to emotionally be there.

1559
01:38:28.100 --> 01:38:31.800
So maybe he still wasn't there when he was home. I don't know what the scenario is there,

1560
01:38:31.800 --> 01:38:37.440
but just, you know, again, we've got to go back to these core, even if you've already done

1561
01:38:37.600 --> 01:38:42.560
heartwork, Jennifer, on the elementary things now because that's come out. Yeah. I think you

1562
01:38:42.560 --> 01:38:46.960
probably need to ask the Lord to reveal. Is there anything else still lingering there? Because

1563
01:38:48.460 --> 01:38:52.900
this, this lie kind of wove its way in through your whole story tonight.

1564
01:38:53.380 --> 01:38:56.680
Yeah. I know. Like, that's what I'm recognizing too.

1565
01:38:56.680 --> 01:39:05.120
Yeah. And so like, I hadn't felt that in the longest time until Tuesday night when he's like,

1566
01:39:05.700 --> 01:39:11.240
I screwed up. Well, I had a fragrance on that reminded him of her.

1567
01:39:11.940 --> 01:39:17.520
Okay. What I hear you saying is he keeps talking about other women when he's with you

1568
01:39:17.520 --> 01:39:23.740
and you guys are not buzzed. He hasn't until just this one time. Well, you said even he's

1569
01:39:23.740 --> 01:39:30.800
about his exes. Well, he's told me about, like, I've told him about my divorce and all that stuff.

1570
01:39:30.800 --> 01:39:36.140
And he's told me about his exes and, you know, I've seen pictures. He's seen pictures because

1571
01:39:36.260 --> 01:39:41.600
I have kids too. So I'm showing him like, you know, cute little photos and he's like,

1572
01:39:41.840 --> 01:39:53.620
Oh, is that your ex? And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. So it's just, how long have you all

1573
01:39:54.160 --> 01:39:57.240
Yeah. And how many times do y'all go out to eat dinner and stuff together?

1574
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:01.580
Come over here and work all day.

1575
01:40:01.700 --> 01:40:03.780
Like, cause we are very aligned.

1576
01:40:04.160 --> 01:40:08.000
I mean, we have so much in common and our personalities are so great.

1577
01:40:08.300 --> 01:40:13.320
So it's like, just tell me how often are y'all hanging out a couple of days a week?

1578
01:40:13.600 --> 01:40:14.120
Yeah.

1579
01:40:14.660 --> 01:40:18.780
So I think you need to create some separation here a little bit.

1580
01:40:19.140 --> 01:40:19.580
Okay.

1581
01:40:20.000 --> 01:40:23.900
And, and that might scare you some, because what's going to happen is this

1582
01:40:23.920 --> 01:40:27.480
abandonment and loneliness are going to rear their heads and tell you all the

1583
01:40:27.480 --> 01:40:32.060
reasons that you shouldn't create space, but here's the reality.

1584
01:40:33.000 --> 01:40:37.220
Um, you're spending so much time with this guy that your spirit

1585
01:40:37.220 --> 01:40:39.200
mate can't even enter the scene.

1586
01:40:39.840 --> 01:40:39.960
Right.

1587
01:40:39.960 --> 01:40:42.180
And, and I've processed that too.

1588
01:40:42.180 --> 01:40:47.080
And I'm like, I'm open to other things because yes, I have a

1589
01:40:47.080 --> 01:40:54.280
great, deep friendship with him, but it does hurt, but I'm not like, Oh my gosh.

1590
01:40:54.920 --> 01:40:59.560
Well, being open to it and having space for it are two different things.

1591
01:41:00.360 --> 01:41:01.740
I'll just tell you, and not y'all.

1592
01:41:01.880 --> 01:41:07.160
Hey, every y'all make your own decisions, but I will tell you that there was a

1593
01:41:07.160 --> 01:41:14.060
guy that I met through 1822 and real nice guy, um, we went on a couple of dates.

1594
01:41:14.160 --> 01:41:18.260
He didn't feel like it was, you know, meant to be that's fine.

1595
01:41:18.400 --> 01:41:19.600
I mean, it was awkward.

1596
01:41:19.740 --> 01:41:21.940
It didn't feel great, but here's the thing.

1597
01:41:22.140 --> 01:41:24.020
He wanted just to be friends.

1598
01:41:24.280 --> 01:41:26.720
He still wanted to connect on zoom and talk and all that.

1599
01:41:27.060 --> 01:41:29.620
And I was like, I'm sorry, I can't do that.

1600
01:41:29.680 --> 01:41:32.420
And he was kind of taken back by that because there were

1601
01:41:32.420 --> 01:41:34.140
other women that had done that.

1602
01:41:35.020 --> 01:41:41.600
But I, I knew that I know myself and I know that I get attached to people.

1603
01:41:41.980 --> 01:41:47.080
And if I had spent time connecting with him, then I'm just, I don't like to use

1604
01:41:47.080 --> 01:41:49.420
the word wasting time because I don't believe in that because it could have

1605
01:41:49.420 --> 01:41:50.880
still been a beneficial conversation.

1606
01:41:50.880 --> 01:41:55.640
Of course, I can grow from anybody I talk with and I can bless other people,

1607
01:41:56.000 --> 01:42:02.600
but if I'm spending time investing in another guy, well, then I'm

1608
01:42:02.600 --> 01:42:04.620
distracted from just moving forward.

1609
01:42:05.480 --> 01:42:05.900
Exactly.

1610
01:42:06.580 --> 01:42:09.800
And so I think that you're going to need to pray into this a little bit,

1611
01:42:10.140 --> 01:42:14.440
Jennifer, and really ask the Lord if you're filling a space, because you're

1612
01:42:14.440 --> 01:42:19.920
afraid to actually feel the loneliness and deal with the loneliness and

1613
01:42:20.760 --> 01:42:22.760
abandonment things that's dealt with.

1614
01:42:24.560 --> 01:42:29.120
And you can still like have some, I mean, you work with the guy, it

1615
01:42:29.120 --> 01:42:31.900
sounds like there's some semblance of you guys have to work together, but

1616
01:42:31.900 --> 01:42:34.780
I don't know that I would just be hanging out, working together all the

1617
01:42:34.780 --> 01:42:37.800
time, going to dinner and being, you're being each other's person, but

1618
01:42:37.800 --> 01:42:38.960
you're not each other's person.

1619
01:42:39.900 --> 01:42:40.900
That's a good point.

1620
01:42:41.440 --> 01:42:47.800
And you know, what's so weird is, um, like even with all the fear and

1621
01:42:47.880 --> 01:42:51.920
everything I had in California, cause I moved to Texas like 17 years ago.

1622
01:42:52.060 --> 01:42:55.480
So I'm not one of them, but I did it before it was cool.

1623
01:42:56.140 --> 01:43:01.360
But when I was there all the time in California, I was filled with fear.

1624
01:43:01.600 --> 01:43:05.860
And when I moved to Texas and my home, I've got these windows that are wide

1625
01:43:05.860 --> 01:43:07.340
open and I don't even care.

1626
01:43:07.340 --> 01:43:08.980
I feel so safe here.

1627
01:43:09.200 --> 01:43:12.740
And I don't mind, I need my alone time.

1628
01:43:13.400 --> 01:43:15.280
I'm an extroverted introvert.

1629
01:43:15.560 --> 01:43:17.020
So I love that.

1630
01:43:17.020 --> 01:43:18.040
That's how I refresh.

1631
01:43:18.200 --> 01:43:19.140
I'm not afraid.

1632
01:43:19.320 --> 01:43:20.820
I've never been afraid here.

1633
01:43:21.920 --> 01:43:24.560
So, you know, that's great.

1634
01:43:24.660 --> 01:43:26.220
I know my children love me.

1635
01:43:26.400 --> 01:43:27.560
They're concerned about me.

1636
01:43:28.380 --> 01:43:34.600
But when you started talking tonight, you literally had emotion come up because

1637
01:43:34.600 --> 01:43:39.900
you said, I believe the lie that I'm not enough and I have roots of abandonment.

1638
01:43:39.900 --> 01:43:42.560
Like you didn't say the words roots, but like you came out and

1639
01:43:42.560 --> 01:43:44.560
you were, there was emotion surfacing.

1640
01:43:44.560 --> 01:43:49.740
So there's enough for all the ladies and gentlemen that are still with us.

1641
01:43:49.980 --> 01:43:54.980
When we have emotion that's surfacing like that, you all there's some, there's

1642
01:43:54.980 --> 01:43:56.840
some juice on that is what I want to say.

1643
01:43:56.880 --> 01:44:00.620
Like there's, there's some depth to what's going on there and there's

1644
01:44:00.620 --> 01:44:04.220
probably a significant amount of healing that still needs to happen.

1645
01:44:04.800 --> 01:44:10.620
Um, I mean, I, I have things that are revealed for healing all the time, but

1646
01:44:10.620 --> 01:44:16.020
the times when I really know like, Oh, that is connected to something.

1647
01:44:16.240 --> 01:44:20.740
It's when I'm feeling that emotion, whether it's massive anger coming up in

1648
01:44:20.800 --> 01:44:24.840
me or the emotion, like, you know, I'm getting choked up when I'm talking

1649
01:44:24.840 --> 01:44:26.360
about something or I feel something.

1650
01:44:26.440 --> 01:44:29.820
I don't know y'all ever feel that like kind of bubble up from your stomach.

1651
01:44:29.880 --> 01:44:33.520
Sometimes that thing that just kind of rises up, you know, just paying

1652
01:44:33.520 --> 01:44:36.760
attention to these things in your body that are telling you something.

1653
01:44:36.760 --> 01:44:40.820
And so Jennifer, I want to encourage you to really be asking the Lord.

1654
01:44:42.360 --> 01:44:46.480
Um, again, about this, you know, uh, connection with this guy.

1655
01:44:46.820 --> 01:44:51.060
Um, what does God want you to do there and, and really lean into

1656
01:44:51.060 --> 01:44:53.620
some wisdom, uh, and being careful.

1657
01:44:53.900 --> 01:44:58.320
But I want you to pray into this stuff about the elementary school again, just

1658
01:44:58.320 --> 01:44:59.980
to make sure there's nothing else going on there.

1659
01:45:00.600 --> 01:45:07.400
and your dad not choosing you and just seeing what else because you know again

1660
01:45:07.400 --> 01:45:10.720
that that led everything you were talking about kind of led back to there

1661
01:45:10.720 --> 01:45:15.080
so let's just in the earthquake thing so let's just do I always remember I always

1662
01:45:15.080 --> 01:45:18.200
say let's just take another peek under the hood doesn't mean you got to go all

1663
01:45:18.200 --> 01:45:21.060
the way back through that but let's just make sure there's not some other things

1664
01:45:21.560 --> 01:45:29.820
lingering connected to that that need healing and keep us posted on this on

1665
01:45:29.820 --> 01:45:34.800
that's another thing is like when I went through a really hard time with my son

1666
01:45:35.160 --> 01:45:41.060
that was is now an officer in the army he went to Virginia Military Institute

1667
01:45:41.060 --> 01:45:46.340
graduated it's a very tough school if no one knows it's like it's horrible he

1668
01:45:46.340 --> 01:45:51.320
hates going back there but before that I had to send him away to Missouri for 15

1669
01:45:51.320 --> 01:45:59.040
months to a Ozarks challenge program and during that time my brother wouldn't

1670
01:45:59.040 --> 01:46:04.720
speak to me anymore and he lives see you're circling yeah all these core

1671
01:46:06.980 --> 01:46:14.680
things yeah yeah all right so come come into the group after you've kind of done

1672
01:46:14.680 --> 01:46:18.440
some work in the next like week let's pray into this come into the group let

1673
01:46:18.440 --> 01:46:22.780
us know how it's going because I have a feeling you're gonna have some other

1674
01:46:22.780 --> 01:46:27.080
stuff that needs impact and you're gonna need some help and the team I don't know

1675
01:46:27.080 --> 01:46:30.360
if I will see it but someone on my team we have a lot of people that know how to

1676
01:46:30.360 --> 01:46:34.160
respond to you all they do a great job we've been coaching the team you know I

1677
01:46:34.160 --> 01:46:38.160
need like just know that whether I'm coaching you here tonight or the team is

1678
01:46:38.900 --> 01:46:42.880
responding they're doing amazing so trust what God is revealing to them as

1679
01:46:43.000 --> 01:46:47.220
well but let us know as you pray into that I'm gonna go ahead and go to

1680
01:46:47.620 --> 01:46:52.280
Christine Christiana and and Laurie just because we're closing in on nine almost

1681
01:46:52.280 --> 01:46:57.420
950 but let us know how that's going and we're praying for you and trusting

1682
01:46:57.420 --> 01:47:02.380
that God is leading you into the fullness that he has for you all right

1683
01:47:03.160 --> 01:47:11.500
Christiana go ahead I thank you so when you brought up the topic of

1684
01:47:11.920 --> 01:47:17.620
perfectionism I felt like I you know I really need to ask for help in this area

1685
01:47:17.620 --> 01:47:21.600
because it's something that just has come up again and again and for me I

1686
01:47:21.600 --> 01:47:27.640
think the challenge is feeling I need to be perfect or much better and like my

1687
01:47:27.640 --> 01:47:32.440
health habits and being looking better being fitter and that's something that

1688
01:47:32.440 --> 01:47:37.980
just keeps coming up as a block in relationships and I see it partly as I

1689
01:47:37.980 --> 01:47:42.440
don't want to bring bad habits into a relationship when I like health I value

1690
01:47:42.540 --> 01:47:46.040
health and I wouldn't want to you know bring that into somebody else's life who

1691
01:47:46.040 --> 01:47:50.340
is doing well in that area but also if someone else is struggling with it I

1692
01:47:50.340 --> 01:47:54.600
think to people who are having challenges are very good I'm gonna help

1693
01:47:54.600 --> 01:47:57.820
each other so I feel like I keep I don't know if it's I'm using it as an excuse

1694
01:47:57.820 --> 01:48:10.300
but I is challenging for me to just heal in this area so okay so was this well

1695
01:48:10.300 --> 01:48:15.900
let me ask you this do you have sisters are you only child you have siblings

1696
01:48:15.900 --> 01:48:22.840
yes I have siblings I have sisters and a brother and how was it growing up with

1697
01:48:22.840 --> 01:48:27.840
your sisters was their comparison with weight or body image comparing to each

1698
01:48:28.520 --> 01:48:33.600
other like did mom or dad say anything to you guys comparing your body or any

1699
01:48:33.600 --> 01:48:39.780
of that to each other yeah okay tell me about that

1700
01:48:41.440 --> 01:48:45.500
whatever you're most comfortable to say like me let's go to the earliest memory

1701
01:48:45.500 --> 01:48:52.640
that you have of this specifically with my parents or just in general just what

1702
01:48:52.840 --> 01:48:58.640
either either both really I kind of want to hear like what's the first memory you

1703
01:48:58.640 --> 01:49:03.740
have of your parents comparing your body to your siblings and then I also just

1704
01:49:03.740 --> 01:49:08.480
the first memory you have of comparing yourself to someone else it might be

1705
01:49:08.480 --> 01:49:12.720
around the same time but I want to kind of identify that I think with comparing

1706
01:49:12.720 --> 01:49:18.580
myself with other people what I'm most aware of is I remember being in school

1707
01:49:18.640 --> 01:49:23.240
like on second grade and they were doing this presentation on like body

1708
01:49:23.380 --> 01:49:27.420
positivity and health and they were talking about how whatever statistic of

1709
01:49:27.420 --> 01:49:30.420
third grade girls or second grade girls you know I think they're fat and

1710
01:49:30.540 --> 01:49:34.380
overweight I was thinking yeah that's true like I know that I am at like I'm

1711
01:49:34.380 --> 01:49:37.760
sitting there like yeah yeah that's what that's right and like I got to say I've

1712
01:49:37.760 --> 01:49:41.340
been aware of it before it's like it's I feel like it goes back as far as I can

1713
01:49:41.340 --> 01:49:47.080
remember and I think with with my parents I feel like when I was younger

1714
01:49:47.140 --> 01:49:54.980
my mom would compare us to herself at our age in terms of being fitter and

1715
01:49:54.980 --> 01:49:59.900
then I think I just my

1716
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.420
who's closest in age to me is just naturally a lot thinner than I am and I

1717
01:50:04.420 --> 01:50:12.820
think it's just being her being praised in that area more by comparison I just

1718
01:50:12.820 --> 01:50:19.380
would see it. Okay so was she praised by your mom who also tended to compare like

1719
01:50:20.040 --> 01:50:28.880
to struggles she had? Yeah yeah I think more with her. And did your dad also do

1720
01:50:28.880 --> 01:50:37.020
the same thing? Yes from a perspective of he wanted us all to take athletics

1721
01:50:37.020 --> 01:50:44.020
seriously and train and eat well and you know that was very important to him and

1722
01:50:44.140 --> 01:50:49.780
it's an area where he wanted us to do well because we would be happier if we

1723
01:50:49.780 --> 01:51:00.640
were doing well in that area. Did you like sports? Some of them. So I mean were

1724
01:51:00.640 --> 01:51:07.360
you did you feel forced to play sports to make your dad happy? No but I felt

1725
01:51:07.360 --> 01:51:14.180
like I was supposed to be better at them or be better for when they would come

1726
01:51:14.180 --> 01:51:18.080
and watch me play versus just enjoying it or

1727
01:51:20.400 --> 01:51:25.580
wanting to do all of them. Yeah so I'm seeing even back then even as you're

1728
01:51:25.580 --> 01:51:30.940
talking about the sports you didn't just say be better at the sport you said be

1729
01:51:30.940 --> 01:51:36.700
healthier be more fit for it and so I'm just hearing which and again some of

1730
01:51:36.700 --> 01:51:41.760
these you know I get it like most people like even when I was you know younger

1731
01:51:41.760 --> 01:51:45.660
that was something that was even the coaches talked about and you're hearing

1732
01:51:45.660 --> 01:51:49.480
all this stuff and it's being reiterated over and over and it doesn't mean that

1733
01:51:49.480 --> 01:51:56.620
people had ill intention but if there was some kind of brokenness or belief

1734
01:51:56.620 --> 01:52:00.720
in us like you're saying in second grade you're like hearing the stats and and

1735
01:52:00.720 --> 01:52:06.600
then you're thinking yeah that's me but in a negative con like context right and

1736
01:52:06.760 --> 01:52:12.720
so I think asking the Lord because you're saying this perfectionism is like

1737
01:52:12.720 --> 01:52:19.540
this always this need to look better be more fit and and basically what you're

1738
01:52:19.540 --> 01:52:22.700
telling me is not only the comparisons that you're hearing from mom and the

1739
01:52:22.700 --> 01:52:27.960
things going on but this sports side of things you'd be more fit you do better

1740
01:52:27.960 --> 01:52:34.360
be healthier and so I'm hearing a similar verbiage there okay so when your

1741
01:52:34.360 --> 01:52:39.180
mom would compare you all and that was going on what was something that she

1742
01:52:39.180 --> 01:52:45.620
would say was she comparing you to the struggles that she had or was she like

1743
01:52:45.620 --> 01:52:52.180
tell me something that was common that she would say to you more compare us to

1744
01:52:52.180 --> 01:52:58.100
herself at her age and that you know she was much healthier always outside you

1745
01:52:58.120 --> 01:53:03.740
know just different things that you know we were doing that she wanted us to not

1746
01:53:03.740 --> 01:53:08.760
do but just like that she was this the standard and that we weren't meeting it

1747
01:53:13.000 --> 01:53:17.520
okay so I feel led to ask you another question too and not that I'm saying

1748
01:53:18.540 --> 01:53:22.040
well I'm just gonna I'm gonna ask you first and then we'll go there do you

1749
01:53:22.040 --> 01:53:25.700
look like your mom does your appearance look like your mom or do you look

1750
01:53:25.700 --> 01:53:31.640
different from your mom we're really everything's the same she's blonde but

1751
01:53:31.640 --> 01:53:36.380
when I was blonde we're twins I'm just a brunette version of her now and

1752
01:53:37.460 --> 01:53:42.240
naturally all right so she was the standard and you didn't feel like you

1753
01:53:42.240 --> 01:53:47.820
measured up to that even as a second grader which is gosh that's like what

1754
01:53:47.820 --> 01:53:56.720
five six oh no five six is kindergarten so maybe eight maybe ten seven yeah okay

1755
01:53:56.720 --> 01:54:03.660
so what we needed the Lord to show you is is this the first time that you

1756
01:54:03.920 --> 01:54:09.060
actually agreed with the lie that you were fat because that's basically what

1757
01:54:09.060 --> 01:54:15.840
you said and to reveal if there's any other internal things that you were

1758
01:54:15.840 --> 01:54:20.300
partnering with even as a little girl and like what led you to partner with

1759
01:54:20.580 --> 01:54:24.900
them you know if your mom was saying okay this is how I was at this age and

1760
01:54:24.900 --> 01:54:28.560
this is you know there's this measuring stick that you're always up against and

1761
01:54:28.560 --> 01:54:35.980
if you felt like you could never attain that it's like this internal what I what

1762
01:54:35.980 --> 01:54:39.600
I'm thinking of is like you know if you train a dog to run a certain way and you

1763
01:54:39.600 --> 01:54:44.100
have meat at the end of the the thing even if there's not meat there they're

1764
01:54:44.100 --> 01:54:48.200
gonna run that because they think the meats there does that make sense I I'm

1765
01:54:48.200 --> 01:54:51.580
not saying it exactly but I know I've seen the studies on this stuff and so

1766
01:54:51.580 --> 01:54:58.800
it's kind of like you're gonna have to retrain your brain and your body to move

1767
01:54:58.800 --> 01:54:59.980
towards something different it doesn't

1768
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:03.520
doesn't mean you can't care about your health, but you're,

1769
01:55:04.340 --> 01:55:08.360
you know, the neural pathways in your brain need reset, you need

1770
01:55:08.360 --> 01:55:11.700
a new neural pathway. But that's going to happen with, you know,

1771
01:55:11.800 --> 01:55:17.460
changing the way you think, and respond to this internal

1772
01:55:17.620 --> 01:55:22.500
dialogue. So but we need to also heal the younger, like, you

1773
01:55:22.500 --> 01:55:29.620
know, what was going on back then, the source, so that, you

1774
01:55:29.620 --> 01:55:36.380
know, like, we need we need God to come and plant a seed of

1775
01:55:36.380 --> 01:55:40.700
truth in that place to grow up and flourish so that you don't

1776
01:55:40.700 --> 01:55:45.120
believe that lie back there anymore. And, but also at the

1777
01:55:45.120 --> 01:55:49.980
same rate, like really working at like, creating a new groove

1778
01:55:49.980 --> 01:55:52.680
in your neural pathways so that you start to think something

1779
01:55:52.680 --> 01:55:57.540
new. So it might be you like partnering with that scripture

1780
01:55:57.540 --> 01:56:02.340
that I started with tonight. You know, that the lies, I'm not

1781
01:56:02.340 --> 01:56:04.980
enough. But the truth is, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.

1782
01:56:05.000 --> 01:56:08.180
And I know people quote that scripture all the time. But not

1783
01:56:08.180 --> 01:56:12.280
everybody really believes that in their heart. And in the

1784
01:56:12.280 --> 01:56:15.140
heartwork, I coach a lot on like people standing in front of the

1785
01:56:14.680 --> 01:56:19.720
mirror. And I think men struggle with this in in similar ways,

1786
01:56:19.780 --> 01:56:24.560
but in different ways as well. But where the women would stand

1787
01:56:24.560 --> 01:56:31.020
in front of the mirror, and literally, you know, do it

1788
01:56:31.260 --> 01:56:36.860
bear, and really come face to face with yourself and the

1789
01:56:36.860 --> 01:56:40.280
things that you don't like about yourself actually starting to

1790
01:56:40.820 --> 01:56:46.280
learn to love those aspects of yourself. And this has, like,

1791
01:56:46.880 --> 01:56:50.180
wrecked some people in a good way. And so there might be

1792
01:56:50.180 --> 01:56:53.120
things like that, that God might lead you to start doing where

1793
01:56:53.120 --> 01:56:56.620
you're really like, not just okay, I love myself. But do you

1794
01:56:56.620 --> 01:57:01.460
like yourself? Do you think that you are fearfully and wonderfully

1795
01:57:01.460 --> 01:57:06.260
made? Or do you believe the lie that God messed up or, you know,

1796
01:57:06.280 --> 01:57:10.060
like really unpacking that side of things? Does that make sense?

1797
01:57:11.240 --> 01:57:16.880
Yeah, thank you. You're welcome. And let us know, like, again, I

1798
01:57:16.880 --> 01:57:19.980
love to hear from you all, I try my best to get into the phase

1799
01:57:19.980 --> 01:57:22.280
three group and read the things that you all are saying,

1800
01:57:22.280 --> 01:57:25.180
especially after we do these sessions. But y'all, if I don't

1801
01:57:25.180 --> 01:57:28.380
in my team answers, you just know, it's not that I don't love

1802
01:57:28.380 --> 01:57:30.880
y'all. There's just so much going on in all the groups. And

1803
01:57:30.880 --> 01:57:35.780
I try to get in as many as I can. But let us know kind of how

1804
01:57:35.780 --> 01:57:39.140
this goes. And just what comes up when you process this stuff

1805
01:57:39.140 --> 01:57:43.720
with your mom. And again, we'll see what else kind of comes up.

1806
01:57:43.940 --> 01:57:46.660
And if you need any help unpacking that, again, myself

1807
01:57:46.660 --> 01:57:50.060
or the team, whoever's able to see it will respond. Okay.

1808
01:57:51.300 --> 01:57:51.880
Thank you.

1809
01:57:52.280 --> 01:57:54.500
You're welcome. Lori, go ahead.

1810
01:57:58.520 --> 01:58:04.000
Hi, Bethany. Thanks. Thanks for taking my call. I'm kind of

1811
01:58:04.000 --> 01:58:06.720
super excited. There's been some great things going on. But I

1812
01:58:06.720 --> 01:58:09.800
feel like sometimes I'm also a little bit crazy, because I can

1813
01:58:09.800 --> 01:58:12.580
feel super happy about all these great things I see going on and

1814
01:58:12.580 --> 01:58:15.880
then totally feel alone and just beat myself up. I've started to

1815
01:58:15.880 --> 01:58:20.200
write down when my kids call all these great blessings that I

1816
01:58:20.200 --> 01:58:23.360
have in each day, because it's like I forget. I'm grateful,

1817
01:58:23.540 --> 01:58:25.880
but I forget about all the great things. And then I feel like I'm

1818
01:58:25.880 --> 01:58:30.240
just alone. So anyways, I met with I did a one on one with

1819
01:58:30.100 --> 01:58:35.000
Renee, I had a coaching call, which was fabulous. And so and

1820
01:58:35.000 --> 01:58:38.020
God had showed me that I had a major breakthrough through the

1821
01:58:38.020 --> 01:58:41.220
book club this summer, feeling like he is taking me out of this

1822
01:58:41.280 --> 01:58:45.720
Malta desert area I've been in into a new life. And me, I've

1823
01:58:45.720 --> 01:58:49.120
been dating a guy, we're going to be dating two years. And so

1824
01:58:49.120 --> 01:58:52.760
I've talked about this before, we had broke up, but we got back

1825
01:58:52.760 --> 01:58:56.360
together and things have been going super good. But that's I

1826
01:58:56.360 --> 01:58:59.860
want to talk to Renee about, because she feels like things

1827
01:58:59.860 --> 01:59:03.680
shouldn't go on for much longer. And he has talked about getting

1828
01:59:03.560 --> 01:59:06.200
married. And we have some special things coming up in

1829
01:59:06.720 --> 01:59:09.860
October. And so I was going to wait until January to make a

1830
01:59:09.880 --> 01:59:14.380
decision to break it off or move forward. And I've decided to do

1831
01:59:14.380 --> 01:59:18.380
it in October. So I've started to feel because she talked about

1832
01:59:18.380 --> 01:59:21.140
what are you waiting for? You know, and so

1833
01:59:21.140 --> 01:59:23.960
which is what Jackie talked about, right? Because I

1834
01:59:23.940 --> 01:59:26.040
remember, yeah, yeah.

1835
01:59:26.420 --> 01:59:29.500
And I talked to Jack, I talked Yeah, so I talked about all that.

1836
01:59:29.720 --> 01:59:33.780
And then I told her that I was going to meet him, you know, and

1837
01:59:33.780 --> 01:59:36.360
we talked and it went really well, like, I really feel like

1838
01:59:36.460 --> 01:59:42.240
it was really even better than what it was before. And so

1839
01:59:43.140 --> 01:59:44.140
that's where I'm at now.

1840
01:59:44.820 --> 01:59:49.520
Um, so interesting, before you even started talking about the

1841
01:59:49.520 --> 01:59:53.540
guy that you've been kind of on again off again with, I don't I

1842
01:59:53.540 --> 01:59:55.560
just don't think this is a coincidence. When you were

1843
01:59:55.560 --> 01:59:58.880
talking about the great things and then feeling super low. I

1844
01:59:58.880 --> 01:59:59.540
wrote down

1845
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:03.320
Ava of the sea being tossed to and fro, double-minded.

1846
02:00:04.220 --> 02:00:08.200
You're experiencing like kind of being tossed around

1847
02:00:08.200 --> 02:00:11.420
in this boat and you're in this relationship

1848
02:00:11.420 --> 02:00:12.280
that's the same.

1849
02:00:14.000 --> 02:00:14.720
You know?

1850
02:00:15.140 --> 02:00:17.820
You're having these up really big high swings

1851
02:00:17.820 --> 02:00:20.300
and things are up and then it's down

1852
02:00:20.300 --> 02:00:22.040
and then it's up and then it's down.

1853
02:00:22.380 --> 02:00:25.920
And so I love hearing that you think it's going better

1854
02:00:25.920 --> 02:00:28.460
but it sounds like it's not going better at the same time

1855
02:00:28.460 --> 02:00:30.180
because you're saying that you're probably

1856
02:00:30.180 --> 02:00:31.260
gonna end things in October.

1857
02:00:31.720 --> 02:00:32.560
That's what I hear you saying.

1858
02:00:33.300 --> 02:00:36.440
Well, because that's kind of just a time

1859
02:00:37.800 --> 02:00:40.180
that I feel like I need to make a decision

1860
02:00:40.180 --> 02:00:41.820
and not just carry on with it.

1861
02:00:42.040 --> 02:00:43.420
And it has been going really well.

1862
02:00:43.580 --> 02:00:46.260
So I disagree, but I appreciate your input

1863
02:00:46.480 --> 02:00:47.680
on the to and fro.

1864
02:00:48.040 --> 02:00:50.880
Like I do feel like my to and fro,

1865
02:00:51.000 --> 02:00:53.820
I do feel some of that was what my biggest question was

1866
02:00:53.820 --> 02:00:55.160
is because as we move forward

1867
02:00:55.160 --> 02:00:57.380
to maybe being together forever or maybe not

1868
02:00:57.380 --> 02:00:58.840
and we're gonna be having these discussions.

1869
02:00:59.980 --> 02:01:02.800
I also have grown kids in Minnesota

1870
02:01:02.920 --> 02:01:05.960
and I'm gonna be a grandma for the first time in December.

1871
02:01:06.480 --> 02:01:08.820
And so I'm kind of having some thoughts

1872
02:01:08.820 --> 02:01:11.920
about trying to decide, like, what do I want?

1873
02:01:12.160 --> 02:01:14.580
Where is this new place that God's calling me to?

1874
02:01:15.100 --> 02:01:18.760
And trying to really decipher what that is

1875
02:01:19.500 --> 02:01:21.200
and make some decisions.

1876
02:01:22.040 --> 02:01:23.940
So that was kind of what it was.

1877
02:01:24.020 --> 02:01:26.640
And so one of the things that I wanted to talk about

1878
02:01:26.640 --> 02:01:27.700
was releasing control

1879
02:01:27.700 --> 02:01:30.260
because I feel like I'm trying to fix, manage and control

1880
02:01:30.900 --> 02:01:32.740
all of these areas in my life

1881
02:01:32.740 --> 02:01:34.760
and look at different options with kids

1882
02:01:34.760 --> 02:01:36.160
or moving to South Carolina

1883
02:01:36.160 --> 02:01:38.800
where I have a friend and a great place to live.

1884
02:01:43.040 --> 02:01:45.180
So one of the best ways to do that

1885
02:01:45.180 --> 02:01:47.420
is the Jesus Cares Board, 100%.

1886
02:01:48.060 --> 02:01:49.020
Oh, okay.

1887
02:01:49.740 --> 02:01:51.880
I mean, I think just going back to that

1888
02:01:51.880 --> 02:01:54.640
and I refresh my board all the time.

1889
02:01:54.640 --> 02:01:58.100
Anything that I am praying about, struggling with,

1890
02:01:58.220 --> 02:02:00.580
releasing to need help, releasing it to the Lord,

1891
02:02:00.620 --> 02:02:02.480
I put it on the Jesus Cares Board.

1892
02:02:03.000 --> 02:02:05.780
From a woman I'm having a hard time with at the church

1893
02:02:05.900 --> 02:02:08.620
to big needs that we're praying for,

1894
02:02:08.820 --> 02:02:11.660
like whatever it is, I put it on the board.

1895
02:02:12.120 --> 02:02:15.580
And I think it's important to continue to,

1896
02:02:16.280 --> 02:02:18.240
like I said earlier, that supernatural surrender,

1897
02:02:18.380 --> 02:02:19.740
get the permission slip out.

1898
02:02:20.820 --> 02:02:23.700
Pray the prayer of whatever it is that you need to surrender

1899
02:02:23.700 --> 02:02:27.040
and relinquish control and allow the Lord

1900
02:02:28.220 --> 02:02:30.900
to bring peace in the midst of that.

1901
02:02:32.080 --> 02:02:32.440
That's great.

1902
02:02:32.540 --> 02:02:34.880
And I did write that down with the supernatural surrender.

1903
02:02:35.160 --> 02:02:35.740
That's awesome.

1904
02:02:36.280 --> 02:02:36.540
Yeah.

1905
02:02:36.720 --> 02:02:40.080
So it's taking the hard work tools, you all,

1906
02:02:40.420 --> 02:02:42.060
and really continuing to implement them

1907
02:02:42.060 --> 02:02:43.320
in every area of our lives

1908
02:02:43.320 --> 02:02:46.720
and not forgetting how literally life-changing they are

1909
02:02:46.720 --> 02:02:47.960
when we apply them.

1910
02:02:48.400 --> 02:02:49.000
Yeah.

1911
02:02:49.560 --> 02:02:51.760
So, well, we're praying for you

1912
02:02:51.760 --> 02:02:54.500
and we hope to hear some more great things

1913
02:02:54.500 --> 02:02:56.380
about all the things that are happening with your family

1914
02:02:56.380 --> 02:02:58.420
and potential move and all of the things.

1915
02:03:00.060 --> 02:03:02.360
And for God to give you just finality

1916
02:03:02.360 --> 02:03:04.040
one way or the other in that relationship.

1917
02:03:05.500 --> 02:03:05.720
Thank you.

1918
02:03:06.000 --> 02:03:06.820
Yeah, you're welcome.

1919
02:03:07.260 --> 02:03:08.240
Y'all, this has been awesome.

1920
02:03:08.380 --> 02:03:09.480
So glad you've been here tonight.

1921
02:03:09.560 --> 02:03:10.580
Let me pray for us.

1922
02:03:10.580 --> 02:03:11.700
And I'm gonna close this up.

1923
02:03:11.820 --> 02:03:14.320
Father, thank you so much for this night.

1924
02:03:14.400 --> 02:03:16.760
God, thank you for everything that you're doing in our lives.

1925
02:03:16.900 --> 02:03:19.780
We thank you for just revelations that have already come

1926
02:03:19.780 --> 02:03:21.480
and those that are gonna come in the days ahead.

1927
02:03:22.180 --> 02:03:24.100
Father, we just ask for more revealings for healing.

1928
02:03:24.380 --> 02:03:26.300
We thank you for supernatural breakthroughs.

1929
02:03:26.360 --> 02:03:27.760
Even tonight while people are sleeping,

1930
02:03:28.180 --> 02:03:31.520
great physician, just doing amazing work in their hearts.

1931
02:03:31.600 --> 02:03:33.360
We thank you that you would do heart surgery,

1932
02:03:34.240 --> 02:03:36.200
repair things that have been broken.

1933
02:03:36.860 --> 02:03:39.820
God, we just ask you to come into the recesses of our souls.

1934
02:03:40.020 --> 02:03:42.600
God, that you would bring the light into the dark places.

1935
02:03:42.840 --> 02:03:45.380
Jesus, reveal yourself to them

1936
02:03:45.380 --> 02:03:46.740
and help them to see you clearly.

1937
02:03:46.960 --> 02:03:48.480
Help them to hear what your spirit is saying

1938
02:03:48.480 --> 02:03:50.100
louder than any voice of the enemy.

1939
02:03:50.800 --> 02:03:54.120
In Jesus name, amen, amen.

1940
02:03:54.440 --> 02:03:55.320
God bless you all.

1941
02:03:55.560 --> 02:03:57.100
I hope you have a great night.

1942
02:03:57.560 --> 02:03:59.060
The anniversary party information

1943
02:03:59.100 --> 02:04:02.180
has been on the JackieDorman.com website

1944
02:04:02.260 --> 02:04:04.380
slash events for a while now.

1945
02:04:04.520 --> 02:04:06.960
So that's where they would go to check that out.

1946
02:04:06.960 --> 02:04:08.460
And hopefully that's helpful.

1947
02:04:08.820 --> 02:04:09.620
Have a good night, everyone.

1948
02:04:09.760 --> 02:04:10.060
Bye-bye.