Hey, everyone. Welcome. Happy Thursday, you all. So glad to have you all joining us. We're
going to wait for a minute or so as more people are joining. How's everyone doing? Everyone
good? Hi, Gail. I see your smiling face. Good to see you. There's probably more Gail's on
there, but Gail Harden, you're smiling right at me. I feel like you're just sending me
lots of love. I love it. I'm excited to dive into our content tonight, you all. So I'm
going to go ahead and pray because I have a lot in store for us. And I definitely want
to make sure we save time for the heartwork seat at the end. For anyone that has never
done this with us before, you maybe have not been in an advanced heartwork. It's very similar
to when you might have been in phase one. And at the end of my coaching, I would open
up for anyone that's willing to share or has a question. So when we do advanced heartwork,
it's more about where are you needing to work on things in your life? Where are you feeling
stuck and need some coaching on maybe what's kind of causing that. But tonight with some
of the content in particular that we're going to be talking about, I'm also hoping that
some of you all will apply it, what we're going to talk about and what you're learning
to get unstuck in that particular area. But it's literally the advanced heartwork seat
is open for anything. For the most part, I say anything. But with things that have happened
in the world this week, we're going to keep all that stuff out of the conversation tonight
this all just so that everyone's aware just right out of the gate. My heart is broken.
There's a lot the world is going through, but we're not going to talk about any of that
in the heartwork tonight. So I just want to kind of set that out right in the beginning.
So let me pray for us. Father, thank you so much for this night. God, we thank you for
everything that you're doing. God, we thank you for the ways that you're moving and having
your being in us. God, we ask you to help us to step further into freedom tonight. God,
that you have transformative work that you want to do in our hearts, our lives, our minds,
our spirits, our bodies and our souls. Yes, Lord, you desire us to walk into the wholeness.
W-H-O-L-E-N-E-S-S, the wholeness of Christ, not just the fullness, but the wholeness.
And so, Lord, I pray that you would just continue to help us to receive an upgrade of revelation,
receive that freedom. We know that where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom,
there's liberty for the captives. And so we're thankful that you're setting captives free
tonight, that you're literally loosing chains off of our hearts, our minds, God, that you're
giving us an upgrade. And we just thank you in advance, Holy Spirit, for being here. We thank
you for just weaving in and out of the teaching as well as the coaching later on. And we just
thank you for every person that has the courage to share and ask a question and just all the
things that are going to take place in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Amen. And even as I was praying,
y'all, just so you know, the reason I said that is not because I don't care about what's going
on in the world, but there's just been a lot of sides shared. And I think the best way to
navigate forward is for us to just focus on what we're here for tonight. Okay, so that's what we're
going to do. So on that note, I have a check-in question for you all. I want to see some feedback
from you in the chat. Let me just, I need to change my screen view. Here we go. Okay.
Um,
I'll take any other questions outside of advanced heartwork here in a little bit. Okay, just so
everyone knows. This is your question for the check-in. What's one word that describes how
you're feeling as you enter this space tonight? One word in the chat that describes how you're
feeling as you enter this space tonight.
Thank you, Lord. Thanks for sharing everyone that's putting those in there.
We're seeing all kinds for those that are watching the recording. There's hopeful, there's tired,
exhausted, grieving, disheartened, heavy, overwhelmed, surrender, sober-minded. Love that.
Love them all. Because we, you know, the reality is, is that we're going to feel the feels tonight
so God can heal the feels. So this is where we're starting tonight. And God is the lifter of our
heads. He's the lifter of our burdens, and he wants to meet with you tonight. So I can come
and coach. Other people in the community can come and coach. But at the end of the day,
every time that I coach, and I believe everyone else on our team, I want you all to hopefully be
another step closer to the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. That's the goal. And so,
as you all know, even in the heart work,
We're always trying to lead you back to asking God
Questions like what you know asking him leading you back to him being your resource the one that's gonna
Reveal things to you. And so tonight we're starting here because if you guys
Remember for those of you that have been through the heart work
One of the first things we start with is supernatural surrender
So we're gonna do a little refresh a slight refresh on that tonight as well because in everything we're gonna talk about
In every area of our lives any area we feel stuck any area where we feel like we're going around the same mountain
Or just that, you know, here we are
We're talking about Sabbath this month and even when we are asked to take a rest
Some of us it's very apparent that there's emotions that are you know
Maybe we don't even we're not even sure if we want to deal with them
And so we just stay busy and we're gonna talk about that
But whatever it is, whatever you're you came in with tonight
My prayer is that for you and my prayer for you today even before I came was that you would
Just receive some kind of relief and just let burdens lifting off of you
and so part one where we're gonna start tonight is identifying the struggle and
As you all know, I just kind of started planting some seeds. We're in
September surrender Jackie has been talking a couple weeks ago planted all the seeds about resting and
Taking Sabbath and what does that look like in every person praying and asking God? What does Sabbath look like for me Lord?
Lord, what do what do I need to do to partner with Sabbath because it's different for everyone
but in that
Even last Saturday for prayer as Elizabeth was leading and I was there
I was looking, you know watching the chat just kind of seeing how people are doing and one of the common threads was
I'm feeling really lonely and it's hard to rest because the feelings are all coming up
And so that's where we're gonna start tonight
This is this is plaguing our world men and women alike
um, we often don't want to slow down because when we do or even like, you know, I
Think a lot of men being married to a man having conversations about this
men face things where you know, they're the
leader of the home and they sometimes feel like they can't show how they're really feeling and you know
and if they do
How is the female going to respond or how are other people going to respond and all of these things and these?
Expectations that we put on ourselves and and and some of them which is why we're doing this tonight
have come from
Dialogue that we picked up from lies. We believed because of trauma that we went through
So some of us are still hearing old voices and old tapes
Playing in our minds and in our spirits when we go to rest and in all of that stuff is rising up
So here's the scripture foundation that we're going to build on tonight
John 14 25 through 27 says this all this I've spoken while I am still with you
This is Jesus talking
but the advocate the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name will teach you all things and will remind you of
Everything I have said to you
Peace I leave with you
My peace I give you I do not give to you as the world gives
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid
Jesus himself was saying that he was going to give them his
Peace not just peace in general
He did say that as well
But he said he would give them his peace and so I want all of us just tonight like as as I'm continuing in this
I just wherever you're at. You don't need to unmute
Yes, Gail. That was John 14 verse 25 through 27. I
want you just to just kind of pause in your spirit and just
Just ask Jesus to help you recognize his peace that he's giving you right now
remember everything that you came in with I
just want you to allow the peace of Jesus Christ to come right in the middle of your heart tonight and and
every emotion that you've been feeling the fatigue the overwhelm the
Exhaustion the sadness some of you all joy, but even in the joy
I don't know about you all sometimes in the joyous things and the breakthrough areas
We still need peace because there's all kinds of new stuff that comes with
Even like stepping into marriage or stepping into a new relationship or what new blessings of jobs?
And so God we just we just thank you for sending Jesus and Jesus. Thank you for giving us your peace tonight as
We as we step into
trying to rest
Some of us begin striving to even rest.
So let's talk about some common rest blockers.
These are things that a lot of us face
that I believe the Holy Spirit just wants to come in tonight
and start to remove this from our hearts and lives
a little bit more.
And again, I just wanna remind you all,
it's one step at a time, okay?
There's gonna always be a process.
So some of us will get delivered right away from something
and that does happen.
But, and I've been through that,
but most of the situations that I've gotten breakthrough in,
it has been consistent surrender,
consistently asking God to give us things and meet us
and continuing to bring things before Him
when I'm struggling with something.
So here are some common rest blockers I have for.
Busyness as a bandaid.
So that's number one, busyness as a bandaid.
So using activity to avoid feeling something, okay?
So that could even,
I was in some of my heart work coaching this week
and I thought this was such a good reminder,
that's why I wanna say it tonight.
Sometimes even the busyness can be reading more books,
doing more classes.
I'm not saying we shouldn't do those things,
but some of us need to just slow that down.
I'm a learner, so I always like to be learning stuff.
I love to grow my mind, my spirit, my thoughts.
And sometimes even that, like God's just like,
okay, just come and sit with me.
Like that can do more for me in even 30 seconds
than sometimes hours of reading a book.
And I love doing all that stuff.
But some of us that are big learners,
we might need to just press pause
on how many things we're putting in our minds.
If you're someone that's a big analyzer,
my husband Brian, his brain just is always going,
analyzing, because that's just the way he's built.
He's not doing that intentionally.
So if you're someone like that,
you might need to try to find something
to practice resting your brain and your mind.
So maybe it's getting a massage or whatever.
But anyways, that busyness as a Band-Aid.
Number two, the striving spirit.
I must earn my worth through doing.
So people that are really struggling
with that striving spirit internally,
a lot of times we're hearing the lie
that we have to earn our worth.
We have to earn that relationship.
We have to earn the attention of someone,
whether that's a boss or whoever.
Number three, fear of missing out.
If I rest, I will fall behind.
Or the FOMO kicks in there,
fear of missing out on something.
Y'all, the world goes on.
Even when we press pause, the world goes on,
but God helps us get right into where we need to be
when we come back in and engage again.
So it's partnering, and we're gonna talk about this later,
partnering with the rest, okay?
Number four, loneliness avoidance.
When I stop, the pain surfaces.
That's loneliness avoidance.
Number two was the striving spirit.
I must earn my worth through doing.
So here's our heart work kind of press pause.
Where do you feel resistance
when you think about truly resting?
And I would like for you to pick from one of those four.
And if it's more than one, totally fine,
but go ahead and put that in the chat for me.
Where do you feel resistance
when you think about truly resting?
All right, we have two FOMOs.
Anyone else?
All of them?
Yeah, I feel like from time to time,
I have struggled with all of them.
I grew up in a house, four of us kids.
I was technically the baby,
but a lot of times had to be the more grownup one
in the family.
But my oldest brother got really great grades.
I did pretty well, but I felt like when it came to my mom,
I never measured up to him.
And so a lot of my life, I was always striving.
And for those of you that don't know my story,
my oldest brother was also my main abuser.
So there was a lot of mixed messages
there internally going on.
And so there was always this striving
to feel worthy of my mom's attention and time.
Number four was loneliness avoidance.
When I stop, the pain surfaces.
All right, I'm gonna keep going.
So here's where we're gonna revisit
the supernatural surrender.
And I'm gonna start to tie this into
why it's really important to partner with.
Remember, we wanna ask God's supernatural,
his super to kind of...
partner with our natural. So this is where the supernatural surrender comes in. So we're literally
bringing before the Lord our heart posture of, I'll do it myself. For so many of us, the rest
competitor is this inner drive that we have to do it ourselves. And even if you think about it,
like the fear of missing out, if I rest, I'll fall behind. Well, even in that, we're really
not believing that God is our defender. We're kind of starting to not partner with trust,
because if we believe we're going to fall behind, then do we really believe that God
has us right where he wants us to be? It's contradictory. And so we really need to continue
to ask the Lord, where are our thoughts coming from? What are they rooted in? Are they rooted
in the truth of his word? Are they rooted in, you know, again, these lies that we've believed
from trauma in the past, or even recent trauma, or things that we've been going through where we
got triggered, and then it triggered something from the past. Or, you know, I've talked about
these things, when you all look at kind of where the strongholds of our lives are at, typically,
it's that it started way back here. And then when we partnered with it, you know, that stronghold
starts to build. And every time we partner with it, it makes it stronger. And so the Lord's
wanting to come in and tear down the strong man tonight. For some of you, your whole life,
you just have never felt enough. You just, no matter what, like, I can remember the first time
years ago, my pastor, I went up for prayer, y'all was not an amazing experience, but I've forgiven
him. But like, he literally in front of everyone to me said, you need to stop striving. And I was
still kind of fairly new Christian at this time. And I remember thinking, I don't know how like,
I wish I could have cried that out literally in the altar, but that wasn't what I did. But on the
inside, that is how I felt. I felt so condemned in that moment. Like I didn't know how to change
that in me. I wanted it to be different. I didn't want to feel the way I felt.
And so I never really had anybody teach me how to stop striving. But the more that I've healed,
what I have come to know is the Father knew exactly God, the Father knew exactly how to
comfort me and heal me. So that that inner child in me that was crying out that day in the altar,
like that voice got silenced, not in a harsh way. God loved me and healed me and helped me know that
like I was just safe in him. And I didn't have to work so hard to get his attention because he sees
me all the time. And when I really came to understand God's love, like genuine love for me
more and more, it's literally layer by layer diminished that inner striving, that orphan
mentality. I've talked to y'all before, like sometimes it was like I was on the outside of
the gate and I was just begging internally for God to open the gate because I felt like I was
on the outside just begging to get in. And one day God gave me the revelation that the gate,
the door that I always viewed was closed, was always open. It was that I viewed it was closed
and I was on the outside because of things I believed on the inside that were not true.
So again, I'm just planting seeds. So if you have the, I'll do it myself, again, this shows up in
all different kinds of ways. But on the inside, you're still like, you know, even trying to date
and you're trying to meet people like you keep just trying to take the wheel back from Jesus
and trying to force something to happen or chase someone down or all these things. And I just want
to encourage you to partner with rest, to partner with, you know, what is God saying to you in this
season? He says that he'll give us fresh manna literally every day you all, but are we asking
him to give us a fresh word about our dating situation every day? I mean, you all know I'm
married, but I'm speaking to you all. Are you, are we asking him to give us a fresh word for our job
or whatever that situation is? And do we believe that he'll really speak to us? I think that's the
other key. I still hear a lot of people and there's no condemnation or shame or guilt. I hope you don't
feel any of that, but I just feel led to bring this out. I still see a lot of people saying, God doesn't
talk to me. God doesn't talk to me. Well, I'm going to say something. I understand that sometimes
like way back when I didn't feel like God talked to me either, but I've, I've literally all I've
been safe since 1998. I've had a lot of time to work on this and grow in my ability to hear him
and study the word and get to know the word really well and hear God because I know the word. And,
and so I just want to plant that seed that if you're someone that says often God doesn't talk
to me, I don't hear, I don't hear God. I want to encourage you to come out of alignment with that.
Every time you say that, you're partnering with that.
And so you're literally creating a block.
It's not that God's not trying to talk to you,
it's that you're agreeing that you don't hear him.
But the word actually says that his sheep hear his voice.
And if you're his sheep,
then we all have the ability to hear his voice.
He speaks to us all in different ways.
And so it's learning and growing in that.
All right, so on the I'll do it myself,
I wanna mention recognition, okay?
Identifying where we've taken control
instead of trusting God,
which is kind of where I started tonight.
Where are you struggling right now
to trust the Lord is gonna take care of you?
That he's a good father
who does fulfill his promises in your life.
I just talked to Heart Work Group this week
about the story of Candice.
If y'all haven't watched the videos for a long time,
remember she's the woman that God was speaking to Jackie,
Candice is gonna be there and she needs healing.
Jackie didn't know who Candice was,
but God knew who Candice was.
And he knew exactly how Jackie
was gonna come into contact with her.
He knew how to get her what she needed.
And I wanna just encourage you that that is God,
that's how he's working in your life right now.
Whether you realize it or not,
we've been praying for months in our church for a pastor,
literally almost a year since we got here.
And you all, I'm telling you what, it's this so important.
You just have to keep praying and partnering with faith.
What is God saying and partnering with what?
I just can't believe it.
And God, I know you're,
I believe you're gonna draw people
from the North, South, East and West
to be a part of our team.
And we've been praying that for months.
And you all, I'm not joking.
God sent us a pastor, a worship pastor from the North.
And then he gave us a double portion
and we're gonna have an extra pastor coming from Oklahoma.
We had no clue we were gonna hire two people, God knew.
And so I'm using that story just to encourage you.
Like, no matter what you see
in the physical realm right now,
if you partner with it's not gonna happen,
then guess what?
It's not gonna happen.
But if you will choose to start partnering again,
and I'm not saying it's easy, okay?
We had a lot of oppositions.
We had a lot of silent months
where nobody was applying.
It didn't look like we had anything coming in.
And then all of a sudden we had like four or five applicants.
Okay, we've had dry seasons too waiting for this.
And so I'm just hoping that encourages some of you
that it might look really dry.
But if you will keep partnering with God,
I believe that you're drawing my spirit mate to me
and me to my spirit mate.
I trust you in this process
that God will continue to lead you
and guide you to your spirit mate.
Here's another one, the cost.
How self-reliance blocks God's healing and peace.
So when we're in that self-reliance,
again, it's kind of what I was just saying,
it can tend to block the peace
and the healing coming into us from the Lord.
The invitation, God wants to carry what we've been carrying.
So tonight, what have you been carrying?
That you, or this week, the whole week maybe,
that God never intended you to carry?
Like he didn't intend it for us.
That's why we feel so bogged down
and weighed down by these things in life.
And God's wanting to lift that stuff off of you.
I'm gonna keep going, lies versus truth declarations.
So I'm gonna unpack this a little bit.
And you guys might've heard some of this before,
but I felt like it was important
to go through it again tonight.
Lie number one, I'm not enough.
I always say when I'm going through the heart work,
the two top lies that I hear all the time,
lie number one, I'm not enough.
And lie number two, I'm not doing enough.
Or I'm too, like, we also hear lie number three,
I'm too much,
but I'm not gonna go into that one as much tonight.
So lie number one, I'm not enough.
The truth is I'm fearfully and wonderfully made
from Psalm 139, 14.
And that's for men and women alike.
You know, where we look and we feel lack
or think we're not enough
or because we're believing these lies,
the Lord looks at us and he's like, man, you're amazing.
I made you so full of this and that
and all these gifts and these abilities
and the way that your mind thinks, and I love it.
But, you know, we're still over here like,
oh, I guess I'm just not enough.
That's why nobody's picking me or, you know,
all these negative thoughts that we have.
And God just wants to rid that out of our minds
and our hearts and our spirits tonight.
Lie number two, I'm not doing enough.
My worth comes from who I am, not what I do.
Ephesians 2.10.
So do you believe that your worth comes
from things that you're doing or just who you are?
Maybe that's part of what's getting backwards still.
Some of you, I truly believe this.
And again, there's no guilt, shame or condemnation.
I'm just saying things as it's coming up in my spirit.
The block for you is your identity. You still don't know who you are.
And you're trying to meet a spirit mate and you're going around in circles,
but you're still struggling with your core identity.
And it's so important. It's not like you have to arrive and you have to be perfect.
Okay, that's not true.
But if you feel like you still don't know who you are, you don't even know what you like,
I want to encourage you to really rest this month in getting to know yourself better.
What do you like? Do you go into every like relationships?
And as soon as you're in one, you lose yourself.
If that's you, God is inviting you not only in September,
but in the next months ahead to really like, just get to know yourself.
Go do things that you haven't done before and figure out,
even if you've been around for a long time, men or women, it is the same.
What I'm saying to you, if that applies to you, you still need to get to know yourself.
I don't care how old you are or how young you are. It's the same.
Lie number three, I'll miss out if I stop striving.
God has good plans for me and his timing is perfect.
Jeremiah 29, 11, that's the truth.
So remember earlier I was talking about the striving and we're afraid, the FOMO and all of that.
The opposite of that, the replacing truth is God has good plans for me and his timing is perfect.
So I'm going to give you this little prayer. I'm going to say it really quickly,
but y'all can always go back and catch this on the replay.
This is surrender practice.
So don't need to unmute, but you can repeat after me.
God, I surrender my need to control.
I release my fear of not being enough.
I give you my loneliness and pain and I choose to trust your love for me.
Okay, I want y'all to start practicing that and saying it out loud over yourselves
over and over and over that surrender practice.
And if you can't remember that and you don't want to go back and catch the replay,
get out that supernatural surrender, that initial promise sheet.
For those of you that have gone through the heart work recently,
I can't remember if I used to say this, but man, I prayed that thing over and over.
I hung it up and I read it over and over and over and over again.
And if you've been in the program two years, three years,
at the end of the day, I know it matters, but it doesn't.
Because everybody came in at different places of your heart healing journey.
It's about where does God want to take you next?
What does he want to do in you now?
So get that surrender, that permission slip out, redo it, revisit that.
Literally just fully surrender.
Because here's the other reality is, remember we heal,
like the healing happens in layers, forgiveness happens in layers.
I coach on this all the time.
The revelation you had back when you started, you're a different person now.
And I can guarantee if you do that permission slip now or do any of the heart work, revisit it.
You're going to see stuff that you didn't see before.
I've had people do the heart work mentor training with me
and God reveals stuff to them when they're doing that,
that they did not have revealed in the heart work the first time.
Literal memories of trauma that came up for them.
And so you all, if you're really struggling, I want to encourage you,
just go back and revisit it.
Go back and listen to the videos.
Reread the book.
Let God speak to you in a fresh way.
And I know some of you have done the heart work a lot, and I get it.
I listened to the soul ties message alone.
When I, back, back when I was, you know, first starting doing the bootcamp and coaching,
I probably listened to that thing 10 times.
I'm not joking.
I just, it was getting me breakthrough and healing.
And so I just like, I'd wait a little bit and then I'd listen to it again.
And God would say something new to me.
And so, you know, revisit stuff, relisten, go, go with a fresh heart.
Not like I've done this before.
So I guess I'll just do it again.
No, go in like, God, I believe you want to say something fresh to me through this.
Like, will you help me here?
And just go in completely fresh.
Okay, number three, embracing the feels to heal.
So we got to go into this a little bit.
God's invitation to feel.
Remember I said some of you all are in the busyness bandaid, busyness as a bandaid.
So you're using activity to avoid feeling.
And some of you are in that loneliness avoidance.
The when I stop, the pain surfaces.
So that's why you're kind of going into that busyness cycle.
Okay, or you're literally just numbing out with alcohol.
things. I mean, that's real. I know that's happening in our community, even though we
encourage you all not to do it. So if you're numbing out with porn or anything, anything,
you all, this is where the rubber meets the road. Do you want God's best? Or are you going
to settle for less? Okay? Yeah, numb out with TV, anything. It can be anything. All right.
So here's the invitation. Jesus modeled this thing for you. I want you to see that Jesus
modeled weeping. He wept. He felt things, you all. He felt compassion. He experienced
grief. Psalm 34, 18 says, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. So remember the healing
path. Feel it. So feel the feels. So that God can heal the feels. So we feel the feels.
We feel it all. Then we bring it to God. That's the next step. Then we receive his comfort.
You know, that's where the revealing for healing is happening. We're, we're giving that stuff
to him. And then we replace the lies with the truth. I pretty much just walked you through
the revealing for healing cycle. I just called it some different verbiage. So if you don't
remember how to process your pain, that revealing for healing cycle worksheet, get that back
out, practice. If you have some new stuff that you just went through, and you're just
feel yourself carrying that around, get that out and process that stuff. So you don't keep
carrying it into the next week. So from avoiding it to embracing it. So from avoiding the pain
to embracing the pain, we're going to talk about that for a minute. So the step number
one is the acknowledgement of it. So what is the pain that you're feeling? You know,
I want you guys just if you have paper right there, if any of you have been feeling any
kind of pain, I want you just to acknowledge it. Like what is it? What are what are you
feeling? And then the next step is to invite God into that. Again, I'm just kind of walking
you all through the supernatural surrender process, essentially. God, I bring this feeling
to you so but you would name it out. The worksheets are inside the heartwork course that you have
access to under your courses tab in the last year single app. And then when you go into
the courses tab and into the heartwork, they're in their respective weeks, the worksheets
are. And you can just click on the different weeks to find them. So it's acknowledged I
feel and like what is it that you're feeling? Number two step invite God in God, I, I bring
this feeling to you. And you're talking to him about whatever it is that you're feeling. And
you are peace. So not only are we feeling it, we're acknowledging it, we're bringing it to
God, but then we're opening up. Remember, we're making room, and we're practicing receiving.
The more we practice receiving from the Lord, the more we're going to be able to learn how
to receive love from other people. Okay. So here's your heartwork question. Check in as we're kind
through this content. What feeling have you been avoiding that God wants to heal? So if,
if you want, you can put that in the chat. What feeling have you been avoiding that God wants to
heal? And if you all want to write that on your paper, that's totally fine. Okay, so Jennifer
said that is a lie. So I am not enough. Let's talk about this. This is a really good example.
So I am not enough is the lie. So you want to identify the feeling that came with that. All
right, so that you can start to kind of identify when this is showing up and maybe what triggered
that for you. So think about what happened that night that caused that lie to surface.
And it could even be something really small, you all. All right, so we have some people saying
some of their feelings that they've been avoiding that they want God to heal. I see rejection,
forgotten, less than, overlooked, peace, defeated, FOMO's in there again, comparison, orphan mentality,
disappointment, that it won't happen for me, loneliness, disappointed, anxious, loneliness,
that's coming up quite a bit. It's all on me. Okay, so Kylie, tell us in the chat, like,
follow up with that. When's the first time that you felt like it was
all on you. Let's, let's kind of unpack that. And we're going
to, I'm going to start to open up the heartwork seat here in
just a minute, but I'm just kind of priming the pump with you
all. Um, Janine says, what's wrong with me? Or what am I
missing that is causing my blockage? So I would encourage
you to ask the Lord on that to show you what you can't see.
Okay, there's and the in that statement, what's wrong with me,
that's an identity, that's an identity statement. So earlier
when I was talking about like, you know, God needing to heal
some of us in our identity, um, there's nothing wrong with you,
you're not like, to me, that's like, I'm good, or I'm bad.
It's like black or white, but that's not true. So you're in
process, you're healing, there's a lot great with you. But there
might just be something that you can't see. And so you need the
Lord to show you what you can't see. So that's different than
you're not good, or there's something wrong with you. So
make sure you all are separate and those kind of thoughts out
and you start to really recognize like, like how I just
did there, like, when is something that I'm thinking and
I done like a, the enemy is assaulting my identity, the core
of who I am, and trying to get me to doubt myself as God's
daughter or God's son. Okay, those are that's the identity
stuff. All right. Okay, not needed. I'm feeling
disappointment from relationships not working out
because there's not enough or I'm too old. Gwen, not enough
to old identity. Those are identity things. And the too old
also kind of partner is just a lie. You're not too old. You're
you're way young. So you got plenty of time. All right,
despair, joy, stagnant. I don't know if I'll be able to read all
these. But I'm loving seeing what's in here. I'll try to
circle back because I feel like there's probably gonna be some
coaching opportunities more there as well. So as I get ready
to open the heartwork seat here, I want to just mention a couple
things you guys can get and again, into the heartwork seat
if you have questions about other things, totally fine. But
I just want to put these out there for tonight because of
what we're talking about as we've been leaning into rest.
Again, loneliness is in the thing a lot tonight. And I want
you to know that God understands your loneliness. Like I just
want you to know he like he empathizes with you and he has
compassion, but he doesn't want us to stay there. I dealt with
tons of what I call pangs of loneliness. And I don't just
call it that people like, you know, I don't know what the
phrase is, but people that I studied from their stuff. Other
people that are, you know, way further along in emotional and
psychological understanding of things, but they talk about
these pangs of loneliness. And I've talked about it on our
sessions before. But some of you all, it's not just that you feel
lonely, it's that there's this deep neglect and abandonment
from when you were a kid, or even an adult when someone
abandoned you. And it that went into the core of abandonment
from when you were younger, that that is what you're battling.
It's not just that you feel lonely, it's that there's more
to the loneliness and the pain that you feel. And so if there's
that not just Oh, I feel lonely today. But if there's this deep
ache in you, when you feel lonely, that's what it is. So I
would encourage you to pray into that. But here are some things I
want you to be thinking about some reasons maybe to get into
the heartwork seat tonight. Do you have a struggle with
releasing control? And or are you really often feeling like
you have to be perfect? Okay, perfectionism? Are you someone
that's healing from loneliness, you know, some of the things I
was just talking about or struggling to heal from them and
or rejection abandonment? Maybe are you someone who you need to
break agreement with I'm not enough. The lies that we're
hearing that we're not enough, learning to receive love without
earning it. So maybe you're someone that struggles with like
you just don't believe that somebody will love you. If you
don't prove your love to them in some kind of way. And ladies and
gentlemen, I will say this. When I see even myself in the past,
I'll use myself as an example. When I would get into situations
where I would feel like I had to do things that were beyond my
values, that literally contradicted my values. It was
typically if I felt like I had to earn someone's love or
attention. And that's not a good place to be. So we want to
heal so that when we get into relationship, we're not trying to
morph who we are, to fit some kind of mold that we think we
need to accomplish to earn someone's love or affection.
Okay. And so if growing up as a kid, you were struggling to get
affection from your parents,
or attention, and then you went into a marriage
or even other relationships,
even if you didn't get married
and that person literally intentionally
withheld love from you,
that absolutely fed that core wound.
Okay, so we gotta heal the core wounds.
All right?
Okay, so anyone can get into the HeartWorks seat.
I'm gonna go ahead and open up.
The way we're gonna do it is you put your hand up
on the digital screen.
That's the easiest way for me to do it.
That tells me you wanna get into the HeartWorks seat
and I'll go through as many people as I can tonight.
So we're gonna go until about 9.15, 9.30.
We'll see how it goes.
But yeah, Crystal, you can go ahead.
Oh, you're muted.
Hi, hi.
Hi. Thanks.
I'm not sure how to process this,
so I'm just gonna plop it out.
And especially with some of the things you talked about.
I have a foster baby coming tomorrow
and I'm worried about the baby.
The mother had the baby and just dropped it off
and left it, never came back to pick it up.
And I'm asking for the baby and I'm asking for me too,
but I keep having this,
I had this kind of overwhelming meltdown today
of not being able to make this connection with this baby
or not know how to reach it
because of that, like all of the things
that you're just talking about,
the heart wound, the core wound,
the, you know, all of those things.
And I don't want it to be somebody like us
that shows up, you know,
like not saying there's anything wrong with us,
you know, that had to wait and find this HeartWork later.
You know, I would like to be proactive with that.
I mean, and if there's something in me too
that I need to deal with.
Yeah, so the first thing that comes to mind,
number one is, so remember,
fear is false evidence appearing real, okay?
And sometimes fear is based on knowledge
of what we know could be possible.
Like, you know, I'm talking about this stuff tonight.
We also know that, you know, a child that, you know,
goes through something like this
could have extreme rejection things, okay?
We know that, but it's also sometimes those facts
can drive us into fear thoughts.
And then remember that the anxiety,
it fuels anxiety and all of these,
what if, what if, what if, what if?
So the number one thing is just catching those thoughts
and taking them captive tonight, Crystal,
because here's the other reality.
God can supernaturally enable that child
to feel God's love and his peace coming from you.
That child might still struggle some,
but the more that they feel that peace,
it can help them shift and experience love
instead of rejection.
And so I wanna encourage you just to partner
with the good side of what could be possible,
even though like, yes, be aware of the challenges
that might come, but greater is he that is in you
than he that is in the world.
And I literally having have loved other people's kids,
even my stepson, he like had colic so bad as a baby
and he just really struggled and his mom did not wanna,
I mean, she was a young girl.
She didn't wanna get pregnant
when she got pregnant with him.
And so like my stepson, Dylan had a lot of rejection things
when he was little, but man, I just hugged him
and I sang to him and God did something supernatural.
And it wasn't always easy.
Sometimes he was screaming his head off.
And so I just ask God for grace and inner patience
and just to keep being that consistent love for him.
And over time, he did not continue doing that.
He ended up being a very happy, peaceful baby.
And so I just speak that over you in Jesus name
that this baby is gonna feel the peace of God
as you remain rooted in the love and the peace of the father
that it's just the Holy Spirit
is just gonna flow through you too.
I don't know if it's a boy or girl,
but just partnering with that.
And remember, if we receive it, then we can give it away.
And you know this, I'm speaking to you things
you already know, but.
No, you hit the nail on the head.
The enemies all this afternoon,
he was at the what ifs, what ifs, what ifs.
And I was pretty confident and then I actually called
the worker and I was like, I don't know.
I was like, maybe this isn't my step.
And the enemy started coming in with everything.
What about your capacity?
What about your this?
What about, what if, what if, what if, what if?
And I was like, okay, I'm like.
Well, and let's even just, I just wanna make sure
and you might be good here.
But were there any lies that said
that you wouldn't be enough?
Yeah, I think, I think at the core, like, the reason I never fostered or did that, and
the reason I did now was really like Jackie spoke, and I don't know if anybody heard,
but I just kept hearing it over and over. She was like, you know, one excellent foster
parent is better than, you know, none or two crummy ones. So I was like, I can I can do
that. Excellent. I have a lot of love to give away. But I think like, I never wanted to
do it. Because I think the lie that I would say that comes is that, you know, that in
like, a child needs her father, like they need that male influence, you know, and I
know that God is our father. And I know that that's where they need to be pointed first.
But I mean, you know, like, I think that's that keeps coming at me in the back of in
the back of my mind, like, you know, it's just you, it's just you, it's just you. And
that that's the one that gets me. Yeah. Well, and this is the thing. You haven't met your
spirit mate yet. I say this to you guys all the time, ladies and gentlemen, it's yet.
And in God's timing, he will introduce that person, I believe they will be someone that
will be able to love that child as well, if that child is still with you. But either way,
God is leading you to this experience for you in that child until someone else joins
you in that experience. And I encourage you to embrace this, I feel like this is a celebratory
time and the enemy is trying to steal that from you. And I just think God has so much goodness
in this for you, and so much goodness for that child and, and just the joy of what you're going
to provide them. I just saw a family local to us that was foster parents to two girls,
and they just adopted them. And it's beautiful. And I don't know if that's God's plan for you
and this child, but saying like, keep partnering with love crystal, because God's doing something
awesome in your life. And, um, I believe that child does not have to lack irregardless of
how many people are in their life. Okay, thank you. You're welcome. Thanks for sharing that
we're praying for you. Exciting. Let's see. I know, I know your first name by your face,
it begins with a B, but it says Zoom user. Is it Bernice? Did I? You're muted.
Sorry. Yes, it's great. Awesome. Go ahead. Hi. I just wanted to ask you a question.
In a relationship, which I met someone last week, and so we talked for a week. And then
I asked him because he didn't ask me, did you want to exchange
telephone numbers? And he said, yes. And we did. And he said, call me at a certain time.
And I said to him, I can't call you at that time because I have another meeting.
So, um, so after that, there was a pause. And so I was wondering why it was a pause,
because he didn't explain to me or tell me anything. I didn't hear from him. So I asked
him and said, you know, what's going on? Because I thought you wanted to continue to talk.
And he said he was very sorry, but that he was getting ready for his son's
remembrance birthday because his son had passed away in January of 2023. And every year,
his daughter gives them gives a birthday party. And sometimes when he goes through
all of the ins and outs with her to prepare, then he kind of takes a step back because of the
emotions. And he says he uses that as a mechanism to protect himself. And so, you know, I empathize
with them because I lost my granddaughter to last year. And, and I said to him,
um, well, whenever you feel like calling, feel free to call because I didn't want to put pressure
on him. But I just, and I haven't heard from him since. And so I'm wondering, should I talk to him
anymore? Or, I mean, this, I mean, how long, how long are we talking Bernice? Only a week.
I mean, I think just wait, I don't think you need to pursue him at this point, just based
off of Jackie's coaching. I think you should wait to see if he actually does reach out.
I don't know that you need to block him or anything like that. He hasn't done anything
horrible, but he just seems like he's not really, I mean, he's showing you through his actions.
He's either emotionally not in a place to connect, or he's just not really fully pursuing you. We
don't know which one yet. So I think just keep moving forward and meet some other people and
see what God wants to do.
and maybe that conversation will resurface.
And I have one more question.
It seems like this is a pattern
with everybody that I meet.
So it's like, is this a curse or,
cause I'm, I keep experiencing this
and I'm trying to-
Well it's not a curse.
I don't know.
I think God's generational blessings
are more active than even the generational things
that come down through family lines.
I think this is more about,
it might just be the type of person
that you have attracted in the past,
but the more that you grow in confidence
and the more that you heal,
it literally changes the people that we attract
and we engage in conversation with.
And I think a key thing here that you just said
that we need to look at is you said everybody.
Everybody I meet does this.
So literally everyone that you've ever met
falls off and doesn't continue talking to you.
Is that including women and men or just men?
No, just the guys that I've met.
It's like, is Facebook really for real?
Or I just, I don't know.
It's like two days, three days and then nothing.
And so I'm like, what's going on?
I'm, yeah.
I mean, is it all guys or is it just some of the guys?
Is it just the guys on Facebook?
Cause that's kind of what you said there.
So have guys on other apps also done the same thing?
No, just on Facebook.
Okay, so maybe that's not where God's grace
is on your conversations right now.
I mean, one of the biggest thing is Jackie talks about
is don't work it like a job.
And so if it's not working on Facebook,
maybe there's somebody,
maybe God's do like blocking you from people
that aren't healthy to lead you to a different app
where you might meet someone.
I think sometimes we're just making it so hard.
You know, like we're just trying to figure it out.
I don't think we can say any of the apps are flaky.
I met my husband on Facebook and he's pretty amazing.
So I think it just depends on where God
is leading you to meet your person.
You know, so I get it, you all.
I know some of you think certain apps are worse or whatever
but I just, I think we have to just be careful with that.
I think it's just who we're meeting and engaging with.
If online isn't working for you now,
as Jackie always says, like go try something different,
go in person, do something, go to a different city.
You know, some of you all,
I've heard a lot of people recently
talking about God nudging them to move.
And I don't think there's a, that's not a coincidence.
I think God is starting to speak to people
and he's been speaking to people
and people are starting to open up to the idea.
So Bernice, for you, maybe you need to try a different app
for a little while, maybe go to some in-person things
and let's see if you can meet a different caliber of guy.
Maybe right now you're, you know,
sometimes too, we kind of come in
and the conversation doesn't really lift off
and we're not sure where to take it.
I think asking some really fun questions
that aren't like hammering the guy, you know,
but just like fun things that can get them engaging.
If they're a healthy, fun guy,
they're gonna engage with you
and they're gonna pursue conversation.
If they're really serious about dating,
then they'll show us, you know,
most of our guys that we've ever done,
when we did he said, she said,
over and over and over the guys would say, you know,
like they show you, they show you what they want
by their actions, they're gonna show you.
And so just believe them.
And right now this guy,
you can believe what he's telling you.
Right now he's overwhelmed, he's emotionally checking out
and he's not pursuing you.
But I would not partner with everybody I meet,
this is what happens
because that's where we get ourselves into trouble,
ladies and gentlemen.
When we partner with these,
everybody always never statements,
that's actually a signal of an area we need heartwork.
So I would encourage you to ask the Lord,
what are the lies that you're believing
that are causing you to now partner
with every man I meet on here?
You know, I don't, even if it is currently true,
it does not mean that everybody you ever meet on Facebook
is always gonna be this way.
But that's something you're partnering with right now.
So we have to, again,
we gotta come out of alignment with that stuff.
I mean, I literally could say, you know,
every time I go to,
I'm just gonna make something up here.
Every time I go to Starbucks,
I always have to wait in line forever and they ignore me.
You know what I mean?
And I'm not saying that doesn't ever happen.
It really has not happened to me,
but just, it's just an example.
But you see, sometimes something happens once or twice,
maybe even happens three times.
But then when we start partnering with,
they always treat me this way.
And that's what we start attracting then.
Do you see how that works?
So I encourage-
you to kind of like really ask the Lord about that shift your heart posture maybe try a different app
I wouldn't even close down Facebook right now because you may need to kind of circle back with
a different heart and see what happens yeah totally Tim what we're focusing on grows so
if we're focusing on it never happens for me nobody nobody likes me nobody chooses me I'm
always last well those are the things that are gonna you know be evident in our lives the thing
Job feared came upon him so what are you fearing and what are we fearing that is now coming upon us
God's asking you to come out of the fears and out of the anxious thoughts tonight and into
rest so Bernice thank you for sharing those are really really courageous shares appreciate you
yeah you did great Natasha go ahead
hi Bethany and everyone I think it's a bit convoluted today because I actually lost my
grandmom yesterday and that's in Botswana she's in Botswana and I'm in New Zealand
so it's here in New Zealand on my own my whole family's still in Botswana so it's
I'm at peace with it she was 95 she had been in ICU since last week so I'm at peace with that
it's sad but I'm at peace I think we've had a very blessed life with her and I mean she had dementia
had had multiple strokes in probably the last few months that they discovered this week so
quality of life had kind of declined so yeah so that that I'm at peace with but it's kind of like
so for me it's it's two things that have kind of like been ignited in terms of the conversation
today about perfectionism so yes I do tend to be perfectionist and because I'm here on my own and
having to look after myself I say that in inverted commas because I had a conversation with God last
year December about I'm tired of hustling I'm tired of doing everything on myself I'm trying
to looking after myself and all of that and then God said but who said you were looking after
yourself I've been there all along I've been holding you all along and I know that and believe
that but I find that what I'm really struggling with in this season of my life in terms of trying
to grow spiritually is and it's the perfectionistic thing of like reading the Bible and praying I
really struggle with that so I kind of like even when I tried to set time for that I find myself
struggling to be consistent and then because in my head it's like oh if I can't get it right or I
can't it's not speaking to me or popping out to me then that means I'm not doing it right or
I'm not doing it right so that I just kind of like then don't do it so I'm an avoider
and I think that's the same thing with you know the loneliness thing as well that I probably
numb out with TV just so I don't rest I keep filled with TV and so that I don't
have to probably feel the feels and do what I need to do and just yeah if I'm not doing it
I don't have to deal with it kind of thing so I think that that speaks to even with prayer
so I mean not prayer with with the Bible as well because with prayer I'll tend to then just
then just kind of pray or talk to God but with the Bible I'm really struggling
and I just really don't know where to begin in terms of reading the Bible more
and learning the Bible more yeah when was Natasha did you always feel this way when
you would try to read the Bible or is this a new thing I think it's always been like that and
and maturing spiritually it's kind of like where it's it's coming up more and more to me that I
think there's this voice that I should be further along in my spirituality because I mean I'm I'm 40
now I was born in a Christian family so I've accepted I've accepted I accepted God when I was
very young so it's kind of like so I've always kind of relied on my mom
with regards to that like if I needed scripture or I needed anything then I was like mom where's
where's where does it talk about this again and where does it you know and that that type of a
thing and I know that and I know that even in university when I was in university if I was
struggling like really struggled especially during exam season with anxiety and studying and I'd
always believe that no mom has to pray for me because God hears her prayers more than he hears
my prayers so I so that's why so here I'm kind of like I feel more convicted in terms of that
you need to be further along you should be further along in terms of your spiritual
journey in your relationship with God so that's why it's highlighting more in this season in my life now
Yeah, so this man, y'all, this is a real, I mean, they're all good conversations, but
this one's rich.
Okay, so we're gonna unpack this a little bit.
So let's look at when is the first time you remember feeling like, let's just go here,
because this is standing out right now, God hears my mom's prayers more than mine.
When do you when was the first time you heard that and believed that lie?
Probably when I was in my first year university, so that would have been what, 2005?
Okay, so when you were growing up in a Christian family, which is amazing, it's great heritage
and lineage, you know, one of the things that stood out to me is you said, you know, I've
always been this way, I should be further along.
And then you said, after that, I was born into a Christian family.
And so I'm just wondering, you know, this, to me, says comparison trap all over it.
And so when you were younger, did you have siblings?
Like what was that like?
Technically, I'm an only child, but I do, I do consider my first cousins, my siblings,
because we were raised together and grew up together, because we were all raised with
my mom there, but also in the same yard, I call it the family compound as my grandparents.
So we were, it's, we are raised by the village effectively.
So raised by my mom, my grandparents and her siblings.
So I would say that the comparison though, would have come when I was in primary school,
because my mom would say to me, I've never believed that I'm smart, because my mom would
say to me, even when I was younger, that you're average, like me, so you need to work harder.
So that's kind of like, that's the lie that I believed.
And I don't think she never meant to hurt me with that statement.
But I think that's what's carried, been carried through, right through, even when I, even
when people say, because I have a master's, because I'm a, I'm a clinical psychologist
by profession.
So they say, oh, so you, you, you're like, you're smart, you're an academic, I'm like,
no, I'm not.
And I don't believe I am because I was like, I've always had a calling.
I knew God called me to be a psychologist because I've been wanted to be a psychologist
since the age of 10 years old.
But I always knew that you need to work harder because you're not smart, you're average.
Yeah.
So y'all, okay.
So this started out as a conversation about growing in her Bible knowledge, but I want
y'all to see the layers here.
When she was younger, while her mom did not mean to hurt her, there was something that
was spoken over her that she partnered with that was a lie.
And it's now still hanging around and it's not just hanging around in the academic world.
Now it's hanging around in the Bible reading space.
Okay.
So I want you to see the similarities there.
And so the first thing that we need to do, and there might be even times before this
time, but I, I really believe number one, we've got like, you've got to come out of
agreement with your average, like me, because it doesn't sound like that's the case.
And even if it was believing and partnering with that is what's going to then cause problems
for you as you keep trying to, you know, move forward.
And so I want to encourage you to like tonight, like come out of agreement with the lie that
I'm average.
And you also said, I don't really think I'm smart.
And so it's a choice to come out of agreement, alignment with those thoughts and those lies.
And then there can be supernatural shifts that start to happen where you're not always
like here's going to be my guess, this is going to be my guess that you actually are
probably doing a great job reading the Bible and you're probably actually hearing things,
but because you have this internal dialogue that you're just not smart enough, it's, it's
contradicting even the stuff that you're doing to, to read and to grow.
And so number one, coming out of agreement with those lies.
Number two, asking, remember the revealing for healing cycle, asking God to replace the
lie with the truth.
Not only scripturally, I'm big on, okay, God giving me a declaration, like what's the opposite
of the lie.
So there's two lies there, not smart, and there's probably more, but these are the two
that we identified so far, not smart and you're average, like your mom.
So what is the truth to replace those lies?
Well, like what is the opposite declaration?
Well, the one is I am smart.
I am.
I'm smart.
And I'm able to study and earn degrees and I I'm thriving in my job
You know, there's all different kind of things you can say
But where you're starting to partner with again, like it might take time for you to internally believe it
But you start with coming out of agreement with the lie and declaring truth now on the other one
I'm just gonna encourage you to ask the Lord to start showing you what's the opposite of the lie?
You're average like your mom
And your mom is probably amazing
You're and here's you know, what? Here's the other thing the fact that your mom said you're average like me
That to me is also an identifier of a generational lie
That's been believed and I would say it's probably was spoken over her is your grandmother just passed away
Yeah, your mom's mom
Interesting, okay, so I don't think that's a coincidence that that's coming up tonight either and
No shame on you know, your grandma. I'm so sorry that you lost her. It sounds like she was a beautiful person
but
It might have been a lie that and I don't know you'd have to maybe one day ask your mom
But it might have been a lie that your grandma believed, you know, who knows this could go way back
But it actually sounds like you had a family full of extraordinary women
and they are
Yeah, but you all have been believing the lie that you're less than that. You're not enough, you know internally
and so I'll be curious just to see when you come out of agreement with these lies and I'm gonna encourage you to do a
Forgiveness prayer sheet to forgive yourself for believing these lies
Okay
And let's just see what else comes up
I think the Bible reading I'm is gonna come the more that you partner with the truth
Just the feeling of like relief that you actually are connecting. I think it's like I said, I think it's already happening
but
It's just that you're partnering with these lies subconsciously right now
but the other thought I had is that I really want to encourage you to
Ask God to show you how to have fun with him
Because I think as much as you guys know, I'm big on let's read the Bible, let's learn it
But I feel like God wants to show you something different
And that you don't always have to be in an academic you don't have to prove yourself to anyone
And I think I kind of already know the answer to that and Jackie also mentioned it around, you know
I've I just recently joined the the choir in my new church and
so I've always
Found I I really connect with God through through worship and singing
and Jackie mentioned how you know, the old older gospel songs actually scripture and
That's one way for me to be totally it's actually through that
So that that that has kind of been like, oh that's something and you know
I need to be more intentional about searching for those older songs and because I did I do love them and I grew up on them
So I do know and love them. So it's just I guess also connecting in that way as well
Yeah, and if you I mean it sounds like if you love music, I mean y'all I would make up some kind of funny stuff
but like sometimes I would just like sing and make stuff up like as I was studying scripture and I would just try to make
it fun because I
Don't know like I just think God is really fun. And I don't think he just wants us to feel like
It's boring all the time to read the word. I think he likes to do fun stuff with us
He likes to show us fun things
so that's when like I went through this whole season and of like I'd just be on a walk and God would point out a
number on a house to me and I'd be like, oh, I don't just catch my attention and I I remember him just like
Kind of one day like why don't you ask me about that? Like I just kind of started having this conversation
Well, it it led to a scripture
he wanted me to look up a scripture and that scripture spoke very deeply to some things I was praying about and that started this
whole new adventure of
kind of like hide and go seek seek and you shall find and it became like not just and I loved I can sit down and
Just read the word and I love it. Um
But I think there's something about
Understanding that God wants to be found in new ways and he wants us to know his his word in some new ways
And so I think this can be a really
fun
reawakening for you and just grace
So, you know, we're in Sabbath resting in you know who you are and that's enough
It is. Thank you. Thank you for sharing you praying for you and your family. I look forward to hearing from
kind of what happens as you pray into some of this stuff
in the days ahead, okay?
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
Deborah Byers, go ahead.
Thank you for taking me, Bethany.
So I guess at this point, I'm just,
I'm just really struggling with the loneliness,
the deep seated loneliness.
I've been divorced for 24 years now.
And actually, September 11th was the last day
that I talked to my ex-husband 24 years ago.
So, but it seems as if God does answer my prayers.
He listens to me.
I'm doing all the right things.
He answers my other prayers.
And every other way, I mean, friends are being healed.
My mother is being healed of cancer.
I don't have any siblings.
I've been reunited with a past family member
this past summer that I haven't seen
since I was three years old.
A lot of prayers have been answered,
except in this one area of dating.
Loneliness.
I have a very full life.
I play in two orchestra groups.
I work full time.
I even am starting a singles group in my church
that meets together once a month for lunch
after church is in a casual setting, just once a month.
And surprisingly have been bombarded
with all ages of singles reaching out to me, wanting this.
From thirties to 85.
So, and we meet once a month just for fellowship.
And so it seems like, you know,
and I do different things this weekend.
I'm going to an alumni watching party for my college.
And then on Saturday night, I plan to go to the symphony,
see a symphony concert.
So I'm very active and I do a lot of things,
but I even pray that God would bring, you know,
good candidates into my scope, my field,
everywhere I go that I would just be able
to actually date, go on a date.
And with-
So let me, can I ask you a question?
Yes.
So, you know how I was talking about,
sometimes we stay busy.
Yes, that's me.
Yeah.
I actually think you need to create more downtime.
Yes.
And I did, I did pray about that.
And God, yeah, God answered that prayer too.
He took away that second orchestra that I am in.
They asked me to be a substitute now,
not a full-time member because they wanted to hire,
because they said they wanted to focus
on the college students and hire them
and use me as a substitute.
So all of a sudden I have Wednesday nights
and Sunday mornings open now that I've not had in two years.
That's awesome.
So when you slow down, Deborah, when you slow down,
you talked about the loneliness,
the deep loneliness when you started.
Talk to me about that.
Like, what are some of the lies that you're hearing
when you're feeling really deep loneliness?
I'm always going to be alone.
Yeah, and then no matter what I do,
no matter what I do, like for at work,
I had to move my office today.
And the principal said, I'm sorry, I can't help you.
And somebody said, well, why don't you ask the custodians?
The custodians couldn't help me.
So I'm always having to do things alone.
And I know that's a lie that Satan is telling me
that I'm always going to be alone.
So when's the first time you believe the lie,
I'm always going to have to do everything alone?
Probably when I was a child.
Yes, I was raised by a single mother
who was working retail full-time.
So oftentimes I was alone, even as a teenager,
eating dinner or working.
My mom was working odd hours.
I'm really sorry to hear that.
My mom actually worked like that.
And that's when a lot of my deep-seated abandonment
and neglect came into play.
I don't think that's a coincidence
that there's some similarities there.
When's the first time, like, do you remember feeling alone,
like, as a kid?
Like, was it before you were a teenager,
or was the teenager your first memory?
Way before that, yeah.
My mother was married five times.
And all very, you know, bad men.
And so to escape, I would go to friends' houses.
And then oftentimes, you know, when I had to come back home,
I would, you know, be alone in my room or something
like that.
OK, so tell me, how old were you when you first
remember feeling alone?
Let's see, probably seven or eight.
OK, so one of the things I talk to people about
is, you know, inviting Jesus to come
into some of those early memories.
Because here's the tough thing, is that at the core,
you believe you have to do everything alone.
So even if you're trying to meet someone,
there's this independent side of you
that's just really subconsciously strong.
And it's nothing you're doing, you know,
it's not that you're doing something intentionally.
But just from what I've learned, even myself,
like I either attracted men that were big takers
because I was a big giver, or like I would just
give off this vibe that I didn't need anybody.
And even now, I have to work on that.
People will say to me all the time,
you don't have to do everything yourself.
And I'm like, I don't want to do everything myself.
I don't know why people think this.
But when I really step back, part of it
is that I had to do stuff on my own most of my life.
And I have to be very intentional to actually like,
I need to ask people to come and help me do this.
I have to really work at that.
And so I had to really do a lot of work
on inviting Jesus to come into those early form
into that very young times of my life
that I was left home alone or in the dark.
I had a lot of fear of the dark when I was younger
so that he could come and illuminate those areas,
not just me now trying to heal the younger,
but literally Jesus, show me where you were at.
Like for me, times when I was so afraid
and I would literally hunker down
in front of this chair in our living room.
And I was afraid to move
because I thought people were looking in the windows.
And this is stuff that happened because I was alone.
I felt alone and afraid.
And I didn't have people there to defend me.
And it was other stuff that I went through.
Y'all, this is how the enemy works though.
And so I'm using this as an example
because I had to ask Jesus to come into that place with me
and show me the truth and help me to heal in those places.
Does that make sense?
Yes, that makes sense.
Like today when I was told I wouldn't get any help
to move my office, I just told me,
ask the PE coach, we have one male on our campus
and I emailed him.
And sure enough, he came up when he had a break
and he said, you do so much for all of us.
This is the least I could do to help.
And I didn't even think about asking him earlier.
I think that was God.
And so it sounds like it.
Yeah, so he did.
He helped move me.
And even though, yeah, that makes sense
because this is stemming from very early in my life.
Yeah, and interestingly, when you were telling the story,
and it's totally fine, like what it didn't come out
until that the PE guy came to help you until just now.
But what you were saying is nobody,
like I'm always gonna have to do everything myself.
So do you see again how the enemy,
like he's always trying to get us to partner with,
you know, I kind of make light of this,
but you remember that for those of you
that have ever had to read, nobody likes me.
Everybody hates me.
I guess I'll go eat worms, that whole thing.
I don't know why this always comes up
when I do these hard work coachings.
I feel like an advanced hard work that comes up a lot.
I don't know why you all,
but I think there's something to that.
We grow up as kids saying this kind of stuff to ourselves.
I don't even know, it's like came out of some book
that we had to read, I think as kids,
but like genuinely on the inside,
I know I'm kind of making light of it,
but I think some of us actually think those things
and we partner with that stuff.
And so then we're living that out
and then we just partner with,
well, I gotta do everything by myself.
The whole thing that I said earlier,
Like that whole, that inner child,
I do it myself, I do it myself, I don't need anybody.
And we partner with, it's just easier to be single.
And all of these things,
and those are not true statements.
They're not true statements.
But we have to come out of agreement with the lie
before we can come into agreement with the truth.
And so asking the Lord,
I think it's gonna be really important for you, Debra,
to come into that place when you were seven or eight.
And I'm gonna guess that when you let him come in
and heal in that place,
and specifically, Jesus, will you come in,
whatever the memory is,
come in and show me where you were when this was happening.
And then show me, like,
help me to hear what your spirit wants me to know about that.
Like, you're literally inviting the light of Christ
to come into the dark area of your soul in this area,
and to illuminate it,
and to help you hear his truth in that moment.
And, like, allowing him to come in,
I have a feeling there's probably gonna be another memory
that's gonna pop up for you.
But let's start with that,
whatever that one is in the seven or eight years old.
And then the other thing is the,
when you slow down,
I really want you to pay attention,
like on those Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings,
that you're not gonna be doing this other symphony.
I want you to pay attention to how you feel
when you slow down.
Like, start journaling, even if it seems silly.
Like, I feel sad when this happened.
You might've been driving by a certain place in town,
or, you know, you were sitting down to eat dinner,
or, like, just start to notice when the lies are surfacing,
and, like, what's causing them to surface.
Because that's where you also wanna ask the Lord
to come into those places,
and reveal, like, okay, Lord,
bring the truth, replace this lie,
but also, you know, was there a time, Father,
that I felt this way before
that this is now surfacing again?
So it's all, it's literally about always going back to,
okay, I'm feeling this now,
but where's the root of this?
Is it just in something recent,
or, Lord, did I feel this before?
So, like, for example, when you said,
I would come home from my friends,
and I would go to my room by myself a lot.
I just wonder if there's certain, like,
things that you're doing in your life
that when you don't have it full of stuff,
that when you're having that experience,
it's actually subconsciously reminding you
of how you felt when you were in your room
by yourself, or something,
and so you're just trying to fill that space,
and then when you're filling those spaces
with all that stuff, you're not, like,
you're not even having time to really meet people,
or even give off the persona
that you actually want to invite more people,
you know, whether that's a guy that you're meeting,
or even a friend, you know,
that you have the space to even receive them,
you know, but let's start with the healing first.
I think that's gonna, I think that's,
that'll be a game changer for you, Deborah.
Okay, thank you so much.
You're welcome, and, you know,
for all of my ladies and gentlemen
that have been divorced for a long time,
I did not go through that,
so I can't say that I know what that's like,
but what I feel led to encourage you all in
is be very careful to not partner with,
I've just been alone forever,
this is just never gonna work,
you know, because the Lord,
the enemy is trying to get you to partner with,
yeah, you've just been, you've been divorced all this time,
God's not answering your prayers,
God's answering every other prayer,
but he just is neglecting you in this area,
because kind of where you started,
and not that you were saying that,
but you said, it seems as if God is answering my prayers,
and I put that in quotes as soon as you said it,
it seems as if, and then you went on to say,
God answered my prayers in all these other areas,
but he's not answering me here,
and I get that, like, again,
not because I've been through it,
but I get what you're saying,
and for anyone else that relates to that,
I see a lot of you in the chat,
I see you, we see you, we love you,
but I want you to come out of agreement
with that God does not answer my prayers in this area.
It's gonna be really important for y'all
to not partner with that, okay?
And again, I'm not minimizing what you've been through,
but there is something to say about partnering with God,
I trust that you are leading me one step at a time
closer to my spirit mate, no matter what I see right now.
Remember I said, even though I know
we only waited for a year for a worship pastor,
it felt like a really long year, you all.
But we just kept praying and I kept saying God I know and I trust because you told me you were gonna give this to us
So help us help us to receive the person
Okay, but I also we had to do things we had to partner and like in Deborah's case. She needs to do less
Okay, so some of you all and some of you all remember you're your partner with it's just easier to be single and the more
You tell yourself that again
What we you know, what does Jackie say what we believe we become what we become we attract something like that
I might be saying that a little off but that comes to mind as well
Deborah, thank you for sharing with us. So good
Jennifer go ahead
This is Jennifer Weigert, there's often a lot of yeah, sorry
No, it's fine. Um
I'm not usually on here very often. I have to watch a lot of replays due to my schedule. And so welcome
I thank you. I might get a little bit emotional
Cuz okay. All right. I was the one that wrote that like
This last Tuesday night I had those thoughts if I'm not enough and
Listening to everyone else there is there's that abandonment
From childhood and all those things and I've just taken like five pages of notes
So, I don't really know where to begin but I
have
Developed a relationship with an amazing man. Like just we work together
I had to interview him last December and I was like, I even asked my boss who's like a good friend of mine
I'm like, is he cute? Is he single?
And then I met him and I'm like, oh what a bore
No big deal
but then I got to know his heart and he was so caring and loving and
I was like
Freaking out and shaking when we were at a work lunch because I needed to eat. I've lost a ton of weight
I have been doing Pilates five days a week. I'm like in the best shape I've ever been in in
26 years, so
I've done so much work myself and my heart and
He has we really just started to develop a spiritual relationship and a friendship and
When I saw his heart I was like, oh my gosh like this guy is amazing
so
Let's say six months to now
I even asked him because like I've gone over I've helped him move like we've done
We were just silly like he's about to be 50. I'm about to be 47 on Saturday. I help him move
I'm sweating to death like just disgusting
He was like, wow. I'm like, well, that's what happens in Texas in the humidity in June
so get used to it and then like we're in the we're in the
What is it called the storage unit and he's like, you know, you want to get on that thing and he was like
pushing me down we were running we filmed it like we just have a lot of fun together and
He prays with me and I've been going through a lot. My son just
Started in the army today as an officer. He was this first day here
So he's been home, which has been a blessing and I wrote about that in the chat
but um
It's a blessing that he was home because I've been through a lot with him and
That kid
he was like
Told my friends. He said make sure that my mom eats and that she blows out her candles at night
So she doesn't like the house on fire. So I have these amazing kids, but none of them live here anymore and
This guy
He's gotten to know them
He prays over them he came and took pictures of me and my son in his uniform
Because that's all I wanted for my birthday
was to have these pictures of my kid and
He and I are so aligned in so many ways, but I know he's been hurt
He's had two divorces like only married a total of five years
combined and
You know one cheated on him
One I think was having an affair with another woman like from what it sounds like and it was just over and
We've bonded
But I know he's going through a lot and I said listen
When I'm having my hard moments, I said, what did you say to me? I said you said
Get dressed and come meet me for lunch
We need to talk about this.
And he prayed and like, it's beautiful.
I went to three nights of a worship night with him and he's on his
knees, just like praying, but I could tell there was some resistance
there of wanting anyone to think that we were together, like, and we're not,
you know, like we haven't held hands.
We just, we've had so many dinners where we talk for hours and there's
definitely a connection, right.
But he says, I'm very specific about the people that I want to date.
And I'm like, okay, so anyway, as he's opening up to me, I could tell
him he was really upset one night.
And I said, listen, when I'm upset, you tell me, get over here.
Let's go grab something to eat and let's talk.
And I said, but you won't do the same.
And he said, do you really want me to tell you?
And I said, yeah, I do.
And I knew that he had a thing for this girl when I met him.
Um, they weren't in a relationship.
He just felt again, spiritually connected to her.
They were rebaptized on the same day, but I could tell this woman does not like him.
Like I even said, are you, you know, are you on any dating gaps?
And she's like, no, I just want it to happen organically.
But there's this vision of what he thinks he wants.
And I was able to tell him, I said, can I, can I tell you the truth of what I saw?
Cause he's like, yeah, you met her.
And I, I messed things up and I'm really heartbroken over this.
And I said his name and I said, listen, one, you have told me a lot about your
ex-wives and I said, this is copy paste.
She's exactly that.
And I said, I know you want that.
I'm like, you see a blonde hair, blue eyed woman, and you beeline for her.
And he's like, really?
And I said, yes.
Like we go to networking events.
People think we're together.
Like even my bosses have been like, is there something going on?
But we are really close.
And, you know, I think about it because it's level three, as Jackie says, with
the way that we, we have devotionals together and we talk and we pray and I,
he knows everything and I know everything, but he just doesn't see me as that person.
And it hurts.
So let me, let me ask you a question.
And I see some people saying they have to go totally understand.
I am going to finish with Jennifer.
I will go with Christiana and Lori, and then we'll close down for the night.
Okay.
But if people need to log out, totally understand.
So Jennifer, here's my question for you though.
We started talking about you and I understand that you're talking about
this guy, cause I think you're feeling some loneliness because he's actually
not willing to pursue you in a romantic way, right?
I think that's what I'm picking on here.
But the interesting thing is, is that I know very little about
what you're really going through.
No guys going through.
I think that's very telling right now.
Right.
Yeah.
You know, and I'm just being honest, like, well, I'm just
of like, we're connected, but what I'm going through is, you
know, there's a lot of changes.
And I want that person to partner with me and to love my kids with me.
And they're really awesome, awesome kids.
Like they love talking about their faith and like my daughter is 17 and she's
like, yeah, I wasn't getting fed here well enough, so I'm going here.
And he values that and they value him.
Yeah, but he's not pursuing you that way, you know?
And I think the tough thing is this, is that you guys have grown this
spiritual bond, which is why we encourage you guys not to pray with people.
And you're not in trouble, Jennifer.
I am in so much trouble.
Well, I think that you're, you're really in deep emotionally, like
your heart's in it with this guy.
And, um, I think that you're going to need to be really careful because, um.
Well, and that's like tonight listening.
Like I grew up in Southern California and I had a huge fear of earthquakes
because we had a really big one when I was a little kid and my dad was gone.
He was in Paris.
My brother was gone and I didn't know where to go.
It was like the first real one.
I was in therapy as a kid for like ever.
And the therapist, they hypnotized me because they were like, she is so scared of being alone
that we, they thought that I was like sexually molested by somebody. They were convinced
because I had so much fear, but it really was abandonment. And then, so, so with your kids
being gone, because this is also something that surfaced as you were talking, your, your,
your kids are gone. So you're have an empty nest. Is that what I hear you saying?
I have my 17 year old is splits time at her dad's house in mine. So she's been gone.
Yeah. So when you are hearing the lie, I'm not enough. And you're feeling the abandonment.
Is it because this guy isn't choosing you or is it because you're alone and you have these,
you know, this, this loneliness and abandonment wound that need healing? I mean, it's,
but I'm saying like what triggered it that night? It, it triggers that because it is,
it's like, no one chooses me. You know, my ex-husband had an affair after 21 years of marriage.
So it's like, he chose someone else. I wasn't good enough.
Um, okay. So again, here's this other core lie coming out. No one, do you see how the enemy
works? You all it's always, never, nobody, everybody, you know? And so as soon as that,
no one chooses me, is it only your ex in the sky that, you know, aren't choosing you? Is there
like, did dad not choose you did something else? Yeah. Dad was gone a lot. He, um,
aerospace engineer, he was always gone, uh, worked for NATO. So he's always in other countries
and he was gone a lot. Um, I'm only, my parents were divorced when I was in high school.
My ex-husband, his mom didn't want him to marry me because I came from a divorced home.
Like what? Um, so anyway, some people are just really afraid about that. Not that that makes
not only my ex-husband, but his brothers also left their wives. So it's like, like, let's look
at what's really going on here. But anyway, no, it's just, it's that, and even in like,
like elementary school, you know, I was the last one chosen to go play on their little softball
thing at recess and, and at the core, this lie keeps surfacing and really I'm not enough
partners with no one chooses me. Right. Okay. I mean, if you guys, if we all just start looking
at the lies that are kind of tangoing together, I let's write down the lies that you're hearing
and you'll start to see, like, there's these similar lies that like, they're just kind of
and there's these things that we know that we've been through that need healing. So
if you were believing in elementary school that nobody picked you and your dad, you're telling me
your dad was gone a lot for work, you know, it sounds like he was probably trying to provide
for family. His job took him away. Maybe when he was home, he wasn't able to emotionally be there.
So maybe he still wasn't there when he was home. I don't know what the scenario is there,
but just, you know, again, we've got to go back to these core, even if you've already done
heartwork, Jennifer, on the elementary things now because that's come out. Yeah. I think you
probably need to ask the Lord to reveal. Is there anything else still lingering there? Because
this, this lie kind of wove its way in through your whole story tonight.
Yeah. I know. Like, that's what I'm recognizing too.
Yeah. And so like, I hadn't felt that in the longest time until Tuesday night when he's like,
I screwed up. Well, I had a fragrance on that reminded him of her.
Okay. What I hear you saying is he keeps talking about other women when he's with you
and you guys are not buzzed. He hasn't until just this one time. Well, you said even he's
about his exes. Well, he's told me about, like, I've told him about my divorce and all that stuff.
And he's told me about his exes and, you know, I've seen pictures. He's seen pictures because
I have kids too. So I'm showing him like, you know, cute little photos and he's like,
Oh, is that your ex? And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. So it's just, how long have you all
Yeah. And how many times do y'all go out to eat dinner and stuff together?
Come over here and work all day.
Like, cause we are very aligned.
I mean, we have so much in common and our personalities are so great.
So it's like, just tell me how often are y'all hanging out a couple of days a week?
Yeah.
So I think you need to create some separation here a little bit.
Okay.
And, and that might scare you some, because what's going to happen is this
abandonment and loneliness are going to rear their heads and tell you all the
reasons that you shouldn't create space, but here's the reality.
Um, you're spending so much time with this guy that your spirit
mate can't even enter the scene.
Right.
And, and I've processed that too.
And I'm like, I'm open to other things because yes, I have a
great, deep friendship with him, but it does hurt, but I'm not like, Oh my gosh.
Well, being open to it and having space for it are two different things.
I'll just tell you, and not y'all.
Hey, every y'all make your own decisions, but I will tell you that there was a
guy that I met through 1822 and real nice guy, um, we went on a couple of dates.
He didn't feel like it was, you know, meant to be that's fine.
I mean, it was awkward.
It didn't feel great, but here's the thing.
He wanted just to be friends.
He still wanted to connect on zoom and talk and all that.
And I was like, I'm sorry, I can't do that.
And he was kind of taken back by that because there were
other women that had done that.
But I, I knew that I know myself and I know that I get attached to people.
And if I had spent time connecting with him, then I'm just, I don't like to use
the word wasting time because I don't believe in that because it could have
still been a beneficial conversation.
Of course, I can grow from anybody I talk with and I can bless other people,
but if I'm spending time investing in another guy, well, then I'm
distracted from just moving forward.
Exactly.
And so I think that you're going to need to pray into this a little bit,
Jennifer, and really ask the Lord if you're filling a space, because you're
afraid to actually feel the loneliness and deal with the loneliness and
abandonment things that's dealt with.
And you can still like have some, I mean, you work with the guy, it
sounds like there's some semblance of you guys have to work together, but
I don't know that I would just be hanging out, working together all the
time, going to dinner and being, you're being each other's person, but
you're not each other's person.
That's a good point.
And you know, what's so weird is, um, like even with all the fear and
everything I had in California, cause I moved to Texas like 17 years ago.
So I'm not one of them, but I did it before it was cool.
But when I was there all the time in California, I was filled with fear.
And when I moved to Texas and my home, I've got these windows that are wide
open and I don't even care.
I feel so safe here.
And I don't mind, I need my alone time.
I'm an extroverted introvert.
So I love that.
That's how I refresh.
I'm not afraid.
I've never been afraid here.
So, you know, that's great.
I know my children love me.
They're concerned about me.
But when you started talking tonight, you literally had emotion come up because
you said, I believe the lie that I'm not enough and I have roots of abandonment.
Like you didn't say the words roots, but like you came out and
you were, there was emotion surfacing.
So there's enough for all the ladies and gentlemen that are still with us.
When we have emotion that's surfacing like that, you all there's some, there's
some juice on that is what I want to say.
Like there's, there's some depth to what's going on there and there's
probably a significant amount of healing that still needs to happen.
Um, I mean, I, I have things that are revealed for healing all the time, but
the times when I really know like, Oh, that is connected to something.
It's when I'm feeling that emotion, whether it's massive anger coming up in
me or the emotion, like, you know, I'm getting choked up when I'm talking
about something or I feel something.
I don't know y'all ever feel that like kind of bubble up from your stomach.
Sometimes that thing that just kind of rises up, you know, just paying
attention to these things in your body that are telling you something.
And so Jennifer, I want to encourage you to really be asking the Lord.
Um, again, about this, you know, uh, connection with this guy.
Um, what does God want you to do there and, and really lean into
some wisdom, uh, and being careful.
But I want you to pray into this stuff about the elementary school again, just
to make sure there's nothing else going on there.
and your dad not choosing you and just seeing what else because you know again
that that led everything you were talking about kind of led back to there
so let's just in the earthquake thing so let's just do I always remember I always
say let's just take another peek under the hood doesn't mean you got to go all
the way back through that but let's just make sure there's not some other things
lingering connected to that that need healing and keep us posted on this on
that's another thing is like when I went through a really hard time with my son
that was is now an officer in the army he went to Virginia Military Institute
graduated it's a very tough school if no one knows it's like it's horrible he
hates going back there but before that I had to send him away to Missouri for 15
months to a Ozarks challenge program and during that time my brother wouldn't
speak to me anymore and he lives see you're circling yeah all these core
things yeah yeah all right so come come into the group after you've kind of done
some work in the next like week let's pray into this come into the group let
us know how it's going because I have a feeling you're gonna have some other
stuff that needs impact and you're gonna need some help and the team I don't know
if I will see it but someone on my team we have a lot of people that know how to
respond to you all they do a great job we've been coaching the team you know I
need like just know that whether I'm coaching you here tonight or the team is
responding they're doing amazing so trust what God is revealing to them as
well but let us know as you pray into that I'm gonna go ahead and go to
Christine Christiana and and Laurie just because we're closing in on nine almost
950 but let us know how that's going and we're praying for you and trusting
that God is leading you into the fullness that he has for you all right
Christiana go ahead I thank you so when you brought up the topic of
perfectionism I felt like I you know I really need to ask for help in this area
because it's something that just has come up again and again and for me I
think the challenge is feeling I need to be perfect or much better and like my
health habits and being looking better being fitter and that's something that
just keeps coming up as a block in relationships and I see it partly as I
don't want to bring bad habits into a relationship when I like health I value
health and I wouldn't want to you know bring that into somebody else's life who
is doing well in that area but also if someone else is struggling with it I
think to people who are having challenges are very good I'm gonna help
each other so I feel like I keep I don't know if it's I'm using it as an excuse
but I is challenging for me to just heal in this area so okay so was this well
let me ask you this do you have sisters are you only child you have siblings
yes I have siblings I have sisters and a brother and how was it growing up with
your sisters was their comparison with weight or body image comparing to each
other like did mom or dad say anything to you guys comparing your body or any
of that to each other yeah okay tell me about that
whatever you're most comfortable to say like me let's go to the earliest memory
that you have of this specifically with my parents or just in general just what
either either both really I kind of want to hear like what's the first memory you
have of your parents comparing your body to your siblings and then I also just
the first memory you have of comparing yourself to someone else it might be
around the same time but I want to kind of identify that I think with comparing
myself with other people what I'm most aware of is I remember being in school
like on second grade and they were doing this presentation on like body
positivity and health and they were talking about how whatever statistic of
third grade girls or second grade girls you know I think they're fat and
overweight I was thinking yeah that's true like I know that I am at like I'm
sitting there like yeah yeah that's what that's right and like I got to say I've
been aware of it before it's like it's I feel like it goes back as far as I can
remember and I think with with my parents I feel like when I was younger
my mom would compare us to herself at our age in terms of being fitter and
then I think I just my
who's closest in age to me is just naturally a lot thinner than I am and I
think it's just being her being praised in that area more by comparison I just
would see it. Okay so was she praised by your mom who also tended to compare like
to struggles she had? Yeah yeah I think more with her. And did your dad also do
the same thing? Yes from a perspective of he wanted us all to take athletics
seriously and train and eat well and you know that was very important to him and
it's an area where he wanted us to do well because we would be happier if we
were doing well in that area. Did you like sports? Some of them. So I mean were
you did you feel forced to play sports to make your dad happy? No but I felt
like I was supposed to be better at them or be better for when they would come
and watch me play versus just enjoying it or
wanting to do all of them. Yeah so I'm seeing even back then even as you're
talking about the sports you didn't just say be better at the sport you said be
healthier be more fit for it and so I'm just hearing which and again some of
these you know I get it like most people like even when I was you know younger
that was something that was even the coaches talked about and you're hearing
all this stuff and it's being reiterated over and over and it doesn't mean that
people had ill intention but if there was some kind of brokenness or belief
in us like you're saying in second grade you're like hearing the stats and and
then you're thinking yeah that's me but in a negative con like context right and
so I think asking the Lord because you're saying this perfectionism is like
this always this need to look better be more fit and and basically what you're
telling me is not only the comparisons that you're hearing from mom and the
things going on but this sports side of things you'd be more fit you do better
be healthier and so I'm hearing a similar verbiage there okay so when your
mom would compare you all and that was going on what was something that she
would say was she comparing you to the struggles that she had or was she like
tell me something that was common that she would say to you more compare us to
herself at her age and that you know she was much healthier always outside you
know just different things that you know we were doing that she wanted us to not
do but just like that she was this the standard and that we weren't meeting it
okay so I feel led to ask you another question too and not that I'm saying
well I'm just gonna I'm gonna ask you first and then we'll go there do you
look like your mom does your appearance look like your mom or do you look
different from your mom we're really everything's the same she's blonde but
when I was blonde we're twins I'm just a brunette version of her now and
naturally all right so she was the standard and you didn't feel like you
measured up to that even as a second grader which is gosh that's like what
five six oh no five six is kindergarten so maybe eight maybe ten seven yeah okay
so what we needed the Lord to show you is is this the first time that you
actually agreed with the lie that you were fat because that's basically what
you said and to reveal if there's any other internal things that you were
partnering with even as a little girl and like what led you to partner with
them you know if your mom was saying okay this is how I was at this age and
this is you know there's this measuring stick that you're always up against and
if you felt like you could never attain that it's like this internal what I what
I'm thinking of is like you know if you train a dog to run a certain way and you
have meat at the end of the the thing even if there's not meat there they're
gonna run that because they think the meats there does that make sense I I'm
not saying it exactly but I know I've seen the studies on this stuff and so
it's kind of like you're gonna have to retrain your brain and your body to move
towards something different it doesn't
doesn't mean you can't care about your health, but you're,
you know, the neural pathways in your brain need reset, you need
a new neural pathway. But that's going to happen with, you know,
changing the way you think, and respond to this internal
dialogue. So but we need to also heal the younger, like, you
know, what was going on back then, the source, so that, you
know, like, we need we need God to come and plant a seed of
truth in that place to grow up and flourish so that you don't
believe that lie back there anymore. And, but also at the
same rate, like really working at like, creating a new groove
in your neural pathways so that you start to think something
new. So it might be you like partnering with that scripture
that I started with tonight. You know, that the lies, I'm not
enough. But the truth is, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.
And I know people quote that scripture all the time. But not
everybody really believes that in their heart. And in the
heartwork, I coach a lot on like people standing in front of the
mirror. And I think men struggle with this in in similar ways,
but in different ways as well. But where the women would stand
in front of the mirror, and literally, you know, do it
bear, and really come face to face with yourself and the
things that you don't like about yourself actually starting to
learn to love those aspects of yourself. And this has, like,
wrecked some people in a good way. And so there might be
things like that, that God might lead you to start doing where
you're really like, not just okay, I love myself. But do you
like yourself? Do you think that you are fearfully and wonderfully
made? Or do you believe the lie that God messed up or, you know,
like really unpacking that side of things? Does that make sense?
Yeah, thank you. You're welcome. And let us know, like, again, I
love to hear from you all, I try my best to get into the phase
three group and read the things that you all are saying,
especially after we do these sessions. But y'all, if I don't
in my team answers, you just know, it's not that I don't love
y'all. There's just so much going on in all the groups. And
I try to get in as many as I can. But let us know kind of how
this goes. And just what comes up when you process this stuff
with your mom. And again, we'll see what else kind of comes up.
And if you need any help unpacking that, again, myself
or the team, whoever's able to see it will respond. Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome. Lori, go ahead.
Hi, Bethany. Thanks. Thanks for taking my call. I'm kind of
super excited. There's been some great things going on. But I
feel like sometimes I'm also a little bit crazy, because I can
feel super happy about all these great things I see going on and
then totally feel alone and just beat myself up. I've started to
write down when my kids call all these great blessings that I
have in each day, because it's like I forget. I'm grateful,
but I forget about all the great things. And then I feel like I'm
just alone. So anyways, I met with I did a one on one with
Renee, I had a coaching call, which was fabulous. And so and
God had showed me that I had a major breakthrough through the
book club this summer, feeling like he is taking me out of this
Malta desert area I've been in into a new life. And me, I've
been dating a guy, we're going to be dating two years. And so
I've talked about this before, we had broke up, but we got back
together and things have been going super good. But that's I
want to talk to Renee about, because she feels like things
shouldn't go on for much longer. And he has talked about getting
married. And we have some special things coming up in
October. And so I was going to wait until January to make a
decision to break it off or move forward. And I've decided to do
it in October. So I've started to feel because she talked about
what are you waiting for? You know, and so
which is what Jackie talked about, right? Because I
remember, yeah, yeah.
And I talked to Jack, I talked Yeah, so I talked about all that.
And then I told her that I was going to meet him, you know, and
we talked and it went really well, like, I really feel like
it was really even better than what it was before. And so
that's where I'm at now.
Um, so interesting, before you even started talking about the
guy that you've been kind of on again off again with, I don't I
just don't think this is a coincidence. When you were
talking about the great things and then feeling super low. I
wrote down
Ava of the sea being tossed to and fro, double-minded.
You're experiencing like kind of being tossed around
in this boat and you're in this relationship
that's the same.
You know?
You're having these up really big high swings
and things are up and then it's down
and then it's up and then it's down.
And so I love hearing that you think it's going better
but it sounds like it's not going better at the same time
because you're saying that you're probably
gonna end things in October.
That's what I hear you saying.
Well, because that's kind of just a time
that I feel like I need to make a decision
and not just carry on with it.
And it has been going really well.
So I disagree, but I appreciate your input
on the to and fro.
Like I do feel like my to and fro,
I do feel some of that was what my biggest question was
is because as we move forward
to maybe being together forever or maybe not
and we're gonna be having these discussions.
I also have grown kids in Minnesota
and I'm gonna be a grandma for the first time in December.
And so I'm kind of having some thoughts
about trying to decide, like, what do I want?
Where is this new place that God's calling me to?
And trying to really decipher what that is
and make some decisions.
So that was kind of what it was.
And so one of the things that I wanted to talk about
was releasing control
because I feel like I'm trying to fix, manage and control
all of these areas in my life
and look at different options with kids
or moving to South Carolina
where I have a friend and a great place to live.
So one of the best ways to do that
is the Jesus Cares Board, 100%.
Oh, okay.
I mean, I think just going back to that
and I refresh my board all the time.
Anything that I am praying about, struggling with,
releasing to need help, releasing it to the Lord,
I put it on the Jesus Cares Board.
From a woman I'm having a hard time with at the church
to big needs that we're praying for,
like whatever it is, I put it on the board.
And I think it's important to continue to,
like I said earlier, that supernatural surrender,
get the permission slip out.
Pray the prayer of whatever it is that you need to surrender
and relinquish control and allow the Lord
to bring peace in the midst of that.
That's great.
And I did write that down with the supernatural surrender.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
So it's taking the hard work tools, you all,
and really continuing to implement them
in every area of our lives
and not forgetting how literally life-changing they are
when we apply them.
Yeah.
So, well, we're praying for you
and we hope to hear some more great things
about all the things that are happening with your family
and potential move and all of the things.
And for God to give you just finality
one way or the other in that relationship.
Thank you.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Y'all, this has been awesome.
So glad you've been here tonight.
Let me pray for us.
And I'm gonna close this up.
Father, thank you so much for this night.
God, thank you for everything that you're doing in our lives.
We thank you for just revelations that have already come
and those that are gonna come in the days ahead.
Father, we just ask for more revealings for healing.
We thank you for supernatural breakthroughs.
Even tonight while people are sleeping,
great physician, just doing amazing work in their hearts.
We thank you that you would do heart surgery,
repair things that have been broken.
God, we just ask you to come into the recesses of our souls.
God, that you would bring the light into the dark places.
Jesus, reveal yourself to them
and help them to see you clearly.
Help them to hear what your spirit is saying
louder than any voice of the enemy.
In Jesus name, amen, amen.
God bless you all.
I hope you have a great night.
The anniversary party information
has been on the JackieDorman.com website
slash events for a while now.
So that's where they would go to check that out.
And hopefully that's helpful.
Have a good night, everyone.
Bye-bye.