All right, we're going to give my Zoom a moment because it always likes to stall after I click
that record button.
I love it, I love it.
We've got eight of you ladies on with me today.
I'm sure there's going to be more.
And I got every, like all of us are on camera.
That never happens, y'all.
That is awesome.
I'm going to soak in this for a minute.
Absolutely love it.
Awesome.
And I got Liz jumping on as well.
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
All right, well, let's go quickly ahead and get started.
I'm going to be very, very brief.
I really want to stay true to time today.
I cannot stick around much longer after time.
So I want to be able to get to everybody's questions.
I know we had to rush through it last week.
So I want to make sure I leave space for that today.
So I'm going to be very, very quick to get through all of this content.
Do I have anybody that's brand new to a live check in for phase two?
Everybody?
Okay, Hannah.
Okay, Hannah, welcome.
It's so, it's so glad.
I'm so glad to have you here with us.
So is this your, like, did you just come into phase two?
Okay, so you're in phase two for about two weeks, but this is my first live session.
Okay, perfect.
How are you?
Have you been able to watch the first kickoff video yet?
Yes.
Okay.
How are you feeling?
Okay.
Taking it slow.
That's good.
Good.
I like, I always encourage you ladies that just come in to take things slow.
We do not want you ladies rushing through this content.
I know it can get exciting where you're like, I just want to watch all the videos, but we
really want you to spend time processing it.
And there is no rush here.
It is for you to just kind of take it at the pace that you need to.
Our encouragement would be to at least spend at the minimum one week with each video.
Okay.
There's the five videos.
So the minimum that you could be with us in this phase would be about five weeks.
Okay.
I wouldn't want anybody really rushing through any faster than that.
And even then I would encourage sticking around just a little bit longer, more little, little
more than five weeks, about six to eight weeks, I think is probably a good amount.
But I have ladies that stay in here a little longer just so we can really kind of get through
that dating for discovery process.
Because for many of us like myself, we hadn't dated in a really long time.
Okay.
So I was in the program for about five years.
I came here five years ago.
And so I am a success story.
So here, I'm just going to give you a little rundown and anybody that's going to watch
this and replay, I am a success story.
So I'm one of the coaches here at last year single.
And so I've been now married.
We just celebrated two years married.
But I came in with Jackie five years ago.
So I have been through this program.
So again, I had not dated for many years when I first came to Jackie.
And so it's totally okay to dip your toe in the water if you don't want to dive like all
the way in.
We're here to coach you through that.
Okay.
So we're here to answer any and all questions, not just dating questions, ladies, do know
that heartwork never stops.
Okay.
Heartwork will always continue.
Please, please, please bring anything that the Lord is bringing to surface.
Bring it to this community.
Okay.
We're your sisters.
We're your cheerleaders.
We're here to help you process anything that the Lord wants to bring out surface.
All right.
This is our preparation period.
All right.
We're not waiting.
We're not in the waiting room.
We're in the preparation room.
So God is going to use this dating season for you to also bring up any areas that he
wants to highlight in you to heal.
So and it's and some of its heartwork stuff, some of it has nothing to do with dating.
So allow the Holy Spirit to come in and do that.
that. Okay, Sam, I see your question. I had about the phases of their specific milestone
that you need to achieve to get to phase three. It hasn't been okay. No, it would just be. So
that's a really good question. It would just be that you need to cover all of the content. Sorry.
My mouth is really dry. You would just need to cover all the five videos content.
Make sure that you're showing up to some lives. Okay. And then at least be here about five to
six weeks. And then you would just email admin at Jackie doorman.com to shift over to phase three.
Okay. So again, I always allow ladies to kind of most ladies spend time processing, like when they
feel ready. All right. And they kind of know, and there are some ladies that I have to encourage
and kind of nudge like, Hey, I know you're ready. They don't trust themselves, but I trust that
they're ready. Um, so if you're never sure, like we can, we can walk you through that as well.
Okay. Um, you're saving that video for that very last reason. I totally get it.
I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I know. I know. I get it. Um, I also encourage
ladies that if you haven't been on it, like if you haven't had one of your seven dates,
if you want to stick around in this phase until you've had at least a couple dates,
you can do that. Because if you, you're like, look, I haven't been on a date yet, like a live
date yet. And I really want to stay in this community in this phase until I've had a couple
in-person dates under my belt. You're welcome to do that too. Okay. Um, I know a lot of people
always ask this question. So I'm going to clarify it now. You do not have to get through all your
dates before you move to phase three. Okay. That is not a requirement. The only requirement is
watch those five videos, be here at least five weeks come to some lines.
Hopefully we know who you are, myself and Ebony. Hopefully us coaches know who you are
means that you've shown up means that you're not hiding. Um, and, um, yeah, so
sound good. Good question. And Kim, thank you for sharing that. Yep. 26 years dating girl.
I was seven years, so it wasn't nearly as long. Okay. But it was scary for me.
It was scary. Um, and Jackie actually even kind of had to kind of kick me out of the nest,
if you will. Um, and I think I shared this on someone's post in the app earlier today,
or maybe it was yesterday. Um, cause I know they were sharing about being discouraged because
everybody that was liking them on the apps they weren't interested in and people that they liked
or were interested in wouldn't respond back to them. And one thing that Jackie had to do for me,
um, she encouraged me just to go out on a date, even with guys that I wasn't interested in.
She's like, just go out on a date, just get your feet wet. Like you don't have to like
practice dating with someone that you're just like, this is my husband sort of idea. She's like,
let's just, let's, how did she put it? Let's just go ahead and just like,
Oh, I can't think of the word that she used. Lord heaven. Oh, come help me. Um,
basically it was just kind of like unlock that door. Like, let's just kick it off. Like
just get it started. You know? Yes. Like just the discovery, you know,
you just get that discovery date. Okay. Just kind of initial, like it's that, it's that like,
and, um, transition you into dating. Like you just got to get started. Right.
Doesn't have to be with, with your husband. I mean, she actually even tried to, and she,
she, um, she encouraged me to go out with this date with this one guy that she,
he was coming into our program. He kind of lived close to me.
And she's like, and she was very forward with me. She's like, this isn't a love connection.
She's like, this isn't your husband, but go on a date. You need to go on a date.
So if you feel like you're just stuck and you're like, I haven't been on a date.
Um, I'm discouraged because the guys I like, I'm not interested in this person.
Just go out and enjoy the company of another person and getting to know someone that you,
you, you don't really know much about. Okay. Take that to Holy spirit.
Ask Holy Spirit, what is the hesitation?
What's the discomfort, if there's discomfort in that?
And allow God to speak to your heart about that
and come share it with us, okay?
Okay, moving on, all right?
So that's that, a couple of housekeeping things.
When you're replying in the app, okay?
So you've made a post and maybe myself or Ebony
has commented on your post, reply it to your post,
don't reply to our comment.
Does that make sense, okay?
Because we don't get notified
if you've replied to our comment.
I didn't know that could be really frustrating.
So like, I'll go and like get your comment
and then I'll reply to you and ask some questions
and I wanna know like your response to something
and then you'll respond to me
but you've replied to my comment
and so it's kind of like it bullets underneath my comment.
It doesn't notify me and doesn't show me.
So I never, and then I have to go searching for it
and I will miss so many replies that way.
But if you create a new comment, yes, yes.
So like a whole new comment instead of a reply,
then I get notified as an admin on that post, okay?
So if you do that, it just helps myself and Ebony
get through all of those posts
because the scrolling can be a challenge for us,
it really is.
And so like the last thing I wanna do
is miss any of your posts
because I know I have done that before
and if that happens, if it's been more than
like a day or two and you're waiting on a reply
from a coach, post another comment,
say, hey, I made a post and I've yet to hear from a coach,
can you please go check on it?
And then I can go search your name
and go see if I can find it that way.
Does that make sense?
Okay, I wanna make sure that's clear.
Myself and Ebony, we really do try,
work together and work really hard
to answer those posts the day that you're posting them
or within like 12 to 24 hours.
It doesn't always happen because my schedule
and her schedule doesn't always line up.
So she and I are maybe going in at the same time.
And then we're not jumping in until later
and I might think she's going in in the evening
and she thinks I'm going in in the evening
and it gets a little crazy.
So we do work really hard at getting to those
as best as we can.
So just do know like,
we're not trying to leave you hanging.
We want to answer each and every one of you.
We take that to heart.
I know for myself, with every one of your posts,
I spend time sitting with every single one of your posts,
processing it with the Lord
and really, really asking Holy Spirit to speak to me
before I give a response to y'all.
That's really important.
I really want the Holy Spirit to speak through me to you.
Okay, so just know and some of them,
I need to sit longer with Holy Spirit.
So if I don't get to it right away,
just know I'm sitting with the Holy Spirit
and I will get to it.
Okay, because we care about you.
We love you.
We're here to serve you, okay?
Last thing, Supernatural Saturdays.
Super important to listen to those.
This month, you're going to have to listen to them live
because we are not recording them, okay?
If you miss the live,
go back and listen to old Supernatural recordings, okay?
The last one that was recorded
was I believe September 2nd.
So if you haven't listened to that one, please do.
It is Jackie talked a lot about the Sabbath and taking rest.
And so that's what she's in the process of doing right now.
And so that's kind of where we're at right now,
just as a community,
really wanting everyone to kind of rest
in this word of Sabbath.
And so I've been spending this entire week
and the Lord has been really speaking to me on that,
the word rest.
And so...
that's my activation even for you ladies this week is I really want you to just
pray and meditate on the word rest and taking Sabbath even if it's just five
minutes a day so I want yeah I just I want to encourage you ladies this week
spend some extra time just spending time with the Lord rest in him
just sit with him that's one thing that I don't I know I don't do enough of and
the Lord really called that to my heart and I failed miserably yesterday y'all
I told my husband on Sunday after church we do our church meets on Sunday nights
I said I just really feel like the Lord's telling me I need to take a
sabbatical for a week and I'm like I don't know how I'm gonna do it but I
really just need to make sure that I am spending a significant amount of time
quiet with the Lord and I really just felt like he wants me to just sit and
journal I am an external processor I have to talk out loud I process a lot
through my head and I felt like the Lord's like you need to just start
getting your thoughts out on paper I want you to process with me because I
have things to speak to you and you need to get it out on paper and I'm like
I'm gonna do that this week I want to be obedient to God I told my husband this
I told my kids this y'all I didn't do it at all yesterday and by the end of the
day yesterday and when I woke up this morning I was exhausted and the Lord was
like I'm not kidding you need to rest in me and I was like okay and then I
remembered Jackie a couple weeks ago was talking about sabbatical and rest and
I'm like we need to do that like that's a kid and I really feel like many of us
especially with a lot of things that's going on it is more important now we
really like it is important that we sit and rest with the Father right now
there's a lot of noise going on and the enemy that is the author of confusion is
going to be at work and the only way that we are going to sit in here clearly
from the Lord is if we sit and rest in him
so I really want you ladies just to sit on that this week share it with us what
are you doing to rest this week okay
so I'm just gonna take a minute and I'm gonna pray and then I'm gonna I see some
people writing and then I'm gonna jump in and take your question sound good
Heavenly Father thank you thank you for the gift of rest Lord I thank you for
your presence I thank you that when we grow weary and tired that you are the
base and the like the the presence that we can come to to rejuvenate to rest on
to lean on that you can give us the supernatural energy you can fill us with
your peace
that we just give it all to you Lord let us hear let us hear from you God
you
Lord I just hear that you call us to sit in your love love
I thank you for that gift I thank you that your word says not only do you love
us Lord but you are love
If we don't know what love is, we just have to go to you and you are love.
Thank you for that reminder, Lord.
I just encourage you, encourage us to sit with you, God.
Encourage us to rest in that.
Give us your peace and your hope when we feel discouraged, Lord.
Fill us with your joy.
Remind us that you're with us, you're for us.
You're involved in our love stories.
You've placed that desire in our heart because you have it for us.
It's your promise.
It's your divine plan for your children.
The gift of family and community and marriage, Lord, I thank you for that gift.
I thank you for this community that we have each other to link arms with.
That we know we can press into you, Father, supernaturally and spiritually.
You're there for us to press into, Lord, but you have gifted us each other here on
earth to lean on as well.
And I thank you for that, Lord.
So today I ask that you just fill us with your presence, Lord.
Be with us on this call.
Lord, use me as a vessel and everyone on this call to speak your wisdom, your love, your
peace, your joy, your patience, your kindness.
Just release that over every single one of these ladies, every single one on the replay
and every single one in this community.
In your son, Jesus' name, amen.
All right, ladies, give me your questions and I'm going to, as I get hands raised, I'm
going to quickly scroll and see what questions I missed here.
My mouth is so dry today, y'all.
I'm so glad I have my water here.
I wanted to check in with you and see if it was okay if I shared the title and author
of the book that Jackie had posted about for rest, because I've read that book.
Okay, hold on.
Yeah.
For some reason, my volume is down very low and I couldn't hear you.
What was it that you want?
Is it, did you post about it?
Well, Jackie had posted about a book, like she has a cover of a book and so I mentioned
it here, but I haven't posted the name or the author yet because I wanted to just-
If it's a book that she has posted, then yes, you can.
Okay, cool.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you for asking though.
Ladies, those of you that are new, it's important because we just don't have the bandwidth to
be able to vet all the authors, speakers, pastors, ministries, influencers that when
you're making posts in our community, whether it's on our app or here in the chat or on
our live calls, to not promote or post any videos or websites linking any other authors,
speakers and things like of that nature.
Because again, we want to make sure that we're in alignment with what we teach here at Last
Year Single, and we just don't have the capacity and the bandwidth to be able to vet everybody's
libraries of material.
Because there's a lot of people out there that have a lot of material and while something
might be really good, once we dive into their library, it may be in disalignment with some
things that we teach here that we believe is not in alignment with Bible teaching.
If that makes sense.
Because again, the enemy is always working to confuse, and believe it or not, the enemy
will use, because guess what, the enemy actually knows the Word of God.
So of course, he's going to try to manipulate the Word of God to confuse.
I'm still trying to scroll here, it keeps going back and forth, okay, I understand,
I wish that Supernatural was live as well, I totally get it.
If you cannot get to the live call, just listen to old ones, you should have access to even
maybe ones that were being recorded before you even came to the group.
So, I even go back and listen to old ones and I'm like, oh my goodness, I heard something
new that I didn't hear before, okay, it was about Sabbath rest, yep, oh, so you read that
before, perfect, I love it, I love it, okay, yes, the rest of God, okay, perfect, I love
it, thank you for sharing that, where in the Bible do we see that dating is a part of God's
plan?
That is a really good question, I don't know that, so I'm going to write that down and
I will get back to you, I'm going to ask the team and see if anybody else knows, can you
post that question in the app so that we have somewhere that we can answer that, I'm going
to put that on there too.
The first thing that comes to my mind is when, I know Paul talks about, is it Paul that talks
about, or is it when Jesus is talking to the disciples about, yeah, I don't know, I don't
want to say anymore because I do not know 100%, I am not one of those people that's
a theologian, that is one area that I think God is going to grow me in, he's been slightly
painting a seed for me to kind of get in depth and study the Bible, I'm not someone that is
great at memorizing scripture, but I know that seed has been planted, but we have a lot of people
on our team that are, so they are usually the people that I go to, and I know like Bethany
is usually the one I know I can go to, Jackie's really good at that too, so awesome, yep,
Audrey, you're the same way, perfect, I love it, so okay, I love that, I love that you're
studying it too, super encouraging, so yes, post that in the app so that we can make sure
that we go to our team and let's hope that we can get that answer, I'd be interested
to know, so because that is really a good, that's a good question, and one for our community
I think is going to be asked often, so it would be good to reference, awesome, perfect, perfect,
okay, all right, I got three hands up, ladies don't be shy, okay, I'm going to go ahead and
get started, we've got about 45 minutes to take questions, all right, so I got Stephanie first
because I know she said she needed to ask her question, I got Alicia and then our girl Lori
who had some amazing breakthrough last week, is it Alyssa, do you have, can you raise your
avatar hand, okay, do that, was there, I know there was someone on the call last week that I didn't
get to, are they here, I know there was like one or two people that I didn't get to last week,
please, please, please, if we don't get to you one week and you show up the next week,
remind us when you get here so that we can get to you first, okay, because I never want to skip
over you, all right, Stephanie, give me your question girl, hey Carla, thanks, I'm going to
give you the question first and then that way you can ask me any questions that you need for,
I guess, in order to guide me best, yes, I love that, so just for context, my question is about
a guy that I've been kind of back and forth with for about four weeks now, okay, so my question is
if I'm reacting to the situation out of my old wounds and my fear, are there legitimate
signs that I should be concerned about, okay, so I want clarity on whether or not I'm forcing a
connection, if I'm relying on like potential while ignoring evidence of what's actually there
and how I should respond, okay, okay, so tell me what is happening, okay, so I met the guy on the
app, he is, I'm in New York City and he's in like the Boston area, so we haven't actually met in
person, we have had, okay, yeah, we have had like,
Um, I should say that, um, he speaks another language, one that I am semi
fluent in, but it's been, it's been challenging in that way.
So I'm, I'm completely fluent in English and Spanish.
Several years ago, I also taught myself Brazilian Portuguese,
which is what he speaks.
He's Brazilian.
Okay.
So he speaks Portuguese.
He's Brazilian.
Okay.
Got it.
So we've been communicating mainly in Portuguese and Spanish.
Okay.
Um, so there's been a lot of like text involved just because it's easier for
me to get out what I want to say that way.
Have you done a video call?
Yes, we did.
Okay.
So he's like a real person.
You're not being catfished.
Right.
Okay, good.
So, um, early on, he was really, really quick to like engage and connect and,
um, asked me to move from the Facebook dating to Instagram pretty quickly
because on Instagram, you can do the voice notes, but then it just
facilitated being able to, I guess, is there a way I, I am like old y'all
believe it or not, I have an Instagram, but I'm never on it.
I have Facebook cause that was more my generation.
Um, when you're on Instagram, can you still have being on Instagram and
connect and do the voice thing and not have them have access to all your stuff?
Yeah.
Okay.
You can't.
And so originally, originally I was like, okay, that's fine.
I'm mostly Instagram.
And then he, he, his profile is public though.
So I can see all his stuff.
Then he asked to follow me request so that obviously he could see my profile.
I was a little bit hesitant because in the past what's happened is that I feel
like guys just start to lurk and they just kind of stay following you
and then they don't really engage.
Okay.
So I said, you know, I, I'll accept your firm request, but I really want
us to engage and have conversation.
And, and he stayed true to that.
We did.
We engaged, I would say for about the first three days was are you, are you
mindful of what you post on your social media?
Yes, I am.
So I'm not, I don't share often and I don't share too much.
I'm very intentional about how I show up on social media.
Okay.
Ladies.
The reason I'm asking that is because it is really important because, you know,
again, I I'm all about safety in this community.
All right.
We live in times where we have to, we have to talk about it.
It's not to scare any of you, especially like my like anxious
ladies, all right.
The ones that have all the walls up, like, I don't want this to
keep to, for you to put more walls up.
I'm saying it because we, we have to be cautious, but I don't like,
again, remember we're God defended.
Okay.
Keep going.
Sorry, Stephanie.
Okay.
So, um, what I started to notice was just a pattern of like kind of hot and cold,
like you can engage some days and then I wouldn't hear from him for a while,
which I recognize is fairly normal for somebody that you don't know that well.
But then I started to feel like when he did engage, it wasn't necessarily
like pushing anything forward.
Okay.
What do you mean?
Meaning like, I felt like there wasn't a whole lot of get to know you kind of thing.
And so I think one of the things I mentioned in my post is that I was starting to, I
was being triggered by insecurity because I thought, Oh, I put something up or he
must've seen something on my page or it wasn't interesting enough or, you know,
and I've been sitting with those things and I've been going back to, to my healing
about the lies that I believed in those things.
So that's been helpful.
I've been learning how to be like, this has nothing to do with me.
I don't have to, what you said to me the last time that God wouldn't make me earn
my husband was really impactful for me.
And so I'm sitting with that.
And so I'm letting go of that.
You know, I, I feel that because he's like a super poster, maybe I have a more
general idea, at least of what he portrays himself to be on social media.
Right.
I can't say that that's who he is for real.
But maybe there aren't a lot of things that he can find out about me because I'm
not, I'm, I don't overshare, like I don't put my whole life on display.
So a lot of the things that I think are super interesting about me are maybe not
necessarily apparent on my social media.
Okay.
So, I just keep going. I wrote down what I feel like Holy Spirit wants me to share, but keep going.
Okay. So just to get right to it, there did come a point where I felt I did. I originally had invited him to have a video chat and he ignored me for three days.
Okay. He just straight up didn't answer the question.
Okay.
And so then when he showed back up, I kind of was just like, kind of playful about it. Like, oh, I was about to light a candle for you. I thought, you know, you join the ghost population, you know, just kind of a little.
I was trying to like point it out and not be annoying about it.
Oh, I'm alive and well, you know, I'm like, oh, well since you're alive.
It's like a little flirty, but you're like calling out in a little flirty way. I love it.
Yeah. So it was more of like, oh, well now that I know that you're alive, how about that chat?
Yeah.
And he did. He did. He responded and he was like, yes, I'm on my way to do this. I'm going to call you. And sure enough, he called me within the hour, but then he called me.
Like we didn't really schedule anything. He just kind of called me and I was in the car on my way out to work. He was driving, which I felt weird about because I'm like, I don't understand.
Like, anyway.
Okay.
In the conversation, we had a great conversation and I did make it a point to say, hey, look, I really like when a guy takes initiative. I don't want to be the leader here.
You know, like, I would really like for us to schedule what I said. And one of the things I said is like, do you have like any questions? Is there anything you want to know about? And he was just like, when can I meet you in person?
Like he's really been pushing this.
We need to meet in person.
And I don't know in what other language I can say, I'm all for that, sir. Let's do this.
Put it in motion.
It just, it just.
Okay.
I got I got some stuff here. All right.
First thing I feel like God really like Holy Spirit is speaking to me to let you ladies know.
Because y'all we live in a different time. Like, yeah, I'm 42 years old.
When I was like a teenager in my 20s, like, social media, like, social media was just coming out.
When I, like, was entering high school and coming out of high school entering college. Okay.
So this whole social media, like lifestyle, online dating stuff, it's really only like a couple decades old.
Okay. So I was like, kind of like, my age, again, is.
It's not the way that I was brought up.
Let's just say, and so I had to kind of get to figure it out. Like, I was like the first generation to have to figure that out, if that makes sense.
Okay.
And so it's still fairly new.
And I just really feel like Holy Spirit is really wanting me to, like, share this with you ladies to remind you.
Social media is not how you get to know somebody.
Keep that in mind.
It's not how you're going to get to know somebody. It's not how someone's going to get to know you.
Social media is a way that maybe people can connect to you.
Okay.
When, when social media came out for us, like, you had to be in college.
Facebook, you had to have a college email account.
And we used it to be connected with, I mean, honestly, we used it to stay connected to our friends from high school that were at different colleges.
And like, honestly, like, you use it for, like, we were using it for, to stay connected from people that we knew in person that we didn't have, like, that we weren't close in proximity to.
Now, in the 20 some odd years that it's come out, like, what, been like 20, almost 25 years, probably, we're connecting to people.
We have absolutely no idea who they are and if they're a real person.
Okay.
So I just really want, I don't know who this is for.
I just want you ladies to keep in mind, social media is.
not how you get to know someone.
You cannot judge or get to know somebody
based on what they post in their social media.
I agree, which is why I was pushing like,
hey, we need to have a conversation.
Exactly.
So, then there was another thing that you said.
And this again, it reminds me,
we're living in different times.
Like the, him just calling you randomly
and there was no plan.
Y'all, I remember back when I was like,
junior high and high school,
you never planned to call your friends.
The phone rang and then someone in your house answered.
And if you had a sibling,
you didn't want your sibling to answer
because it was probably for you
and you didn't want your sibling answering the phone,
especially if it was a boy,
because they'd make it known to the whole house.
Carla's got a boy calling her.
There was no plan.
People were more spontaneous.
People just, if they felt like,
oh, I'm thinking about this person, I'm gonna call him.
I know, but if you're gonna have
like a video chat with somebody, like.
Video chat, I get, okay, video chat, I get.
But it's okay if he's just like, I'm gonna call you.
But if it's a, but this is another thing.
So, here's another thing
that we coach here at Last Year Single.
You never know when you're out and about
who you're gonna meet.
Get yourself ready every single day.
And I'm not saying it from a place
that you have to look a certain way,
but there's something that gets ignited in you
when you get up and you just put on,
brush your hair, brush teeth, right?
There are some days
when I just don't feel great about myself
that I won't even brush my teeth, y'all.
And I'm not feeling good that day.
And everybody around me knows
I'm not feeling good about my day
because they can smell I don't feel good about my day
because they can smell my breath, all right?
But there's just something about just getting up,
brushing your hair, putting a little makeup on,
combing your hair out, always be ready to,
look at this fly flying around my face,
to somewhat be presentable.
And you don't have to look like on point,
glamor shots, right?
We're not like Miss America pageant going on here, okay?
And believe it or not,
when I first connected with my husband,
he saw pictures like of me from my social media account
and stuff like that, like profile pictures and stuff.
But I was sick and didn't want to talk on the phone.
Or have a video call because I wasn't well.
He still wanted me to send a picture.
And I'm like, I don't wanna send you a picture, I'm sick.
He's like, no, just send me a picture right now
of what you look like.
Y'all that like, for some of y'all,
like you'd be like, absolutely not.
I would be getting messages on the app.
Like, oh my goodness,
I can't believe this man wants a picture of me.
Like, that's absolutely a red flag.
Trust me, I've been coaching for over a year,
about a year and a half, almost two years now,
that post comes up.
Not a lot, but it comes up.
And I was like, oh my gosh, you gotta be kidding me.
And so, but I did.
I had no makeup on.
I don't think I showered in days because I was not well.
I had my glasses on.
And I just snapped a picture.
My husband to this day tells me
it was one of his favorite pictures of me.
Okay.
So don't think that we have to be like dressed to the nines
or like absolutely perfect.
Like your husband is going to find you beautiful
no matter how you look.
Because y'all, we don't fall in love with the outside.
We fall in love with this in here.
I promise you,
you're going to love your husband for his heart first.
You will be attracted to him.
You're going to be attracted to this,
but this in here is going to be more attractive.
Okay.
So I get the whole, like, it's frustrating.
Like not, okay.
And it's weird, but I want to challenge you ladies to kind of spend time with the lower
processing like where is this like need to have this schedule?
You know, I say this as a planner.
My husband is not a planner.
I am.
It can drive me bonkers.
Okay, there's a lot of balance that happens in our marriage.
A lot of compromise because I need a plan and he is just not.
It's we're complementary opposites in that whole sense.
But I do want you ladies to don't hesitate to challenge yourself with that.
I love yes, I agree with you with the guy leading.
But we don't want to be so rigid that we're not reciprocating.
Okay, it's okay to drop the hanky about meeting in person.
So I guess that's where I'm stuck though.
It's just like, am I still dropping the hanky or is this guy expecting me to do the heavy
lifting?
So I will say that after like a lot of hot and cold back and forth, I finally was like,
hey, you know, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, you know, you seem like all these
things, but you are also confusing, like you're confusing.
Yeah.
And I said, I don't know if it's if you're aware or if you just don't, don't realize.
And he was, you know, he did say, you know, to be very honest, I think it's because of
the distance.
Like, I don't really know how to engage long distance.
That's why it's you guys been doing this four weeks.
Yeah.
Long distance.
We really encourage that you get an in-person within three, three, so at the end of that
conversation, it's like, I just need clarity here.
Like, do you want to get to know me or not?
Like, and he's like, I do.
I want to get to know.
Okay.
So then that's when you'd be like, okay, do you want to meet me in person or not?
And he said, I do.
And he actually said, I'll, I'll, I'll go to you.
And I said, okay, perfect.
When are you free?
Then that's when you just be like, awesome.
When are you free?
I'm sorry.
There's literally a lab keeper blowing his vacuum at my car.
Okay.
Anyway.
Yeah.
I would, I would say definitely.
Now he does have, he has a son.
So he said to me, look, I can't give you a date right now because I need to figure out
what to do with my son, but I would like, you know, just, I think that I would go and
I would probably go for, you know, from one day to the next.
So can you tell me where I can find a hotel to stay?
Like give me a general area in the general area.
Okay.
Yeah.
I think that's great.
I was like, okay, that's fine.
But we're sitting on nearly a week of that conversation and I still haven't heard a thing.
He also hasn't like, like, okay, so you put it out there.
You've told him like, Hey, this is the area you've, you've, you've opened the door that
yes, you want to meet in person.
You've told him, Hey, this is the area.
So when you're ready, let me know at this point, you don't need to engage as much anymore.
Are you, let me ask you this.
Are you the one reaching out to him first?
No.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, um, I say, you know, let him reach out to you, engage with them that way.
Occasionally, if you don't hear from him for a day or two, then you can maybe, if you feel
led to just reach out to him, do that.
Don't put all your eggs in this basket.
This is why ladies, we encourage you just to continue to keep getting to know people.
This is like, y'all are still in this, like level one, slightly in this level two, cause
just kind of had a video date here.
You're still in this like level one, level two, early stages.
You're still out there getting to know other people.
You're not putting your eggs all in this one basket.
You're not anticipating and waiting out for this in-person date with this person.
If it happens, awesome.
Let's see where it goes.
Let's get to know him.
Let's see what I learned about him.
Let's see what I learned about myself.
If it doesn't happen, no worries.
I'm learning some things about myself.
I'm learning how to, that I don't have to earn my husband.
I don't have to look a certain way.
He's going to fall in love me for who I am.
I'm learning that, you know, I'm not going to, I'm not going to get to know somebody
based on their social media.
I'm learning that, you know, someone's not going to just get to know me from social media.
They're going to genuinely want to get to know me.
You're learning all of these things through this one interaction with this one person.
So it's not being wasted.
But I guess that's where I'm stuck, where I'm like, is, is this person showing me that
they don't really want to?
really take initiative? Is this person showing me that they aren't really interested in me?
I just don't know if I made the wrong expectation. Like, I don't. Well, that's where, again,
this is where are, are you, are you wanting to see too much potential and you're putting
too much expect, like expectation on what the outcome of this is? I just don't know
if I am like, I don't know if I'm like, is this a part, like, is this person showing
me that they're just kind of hesitant? They're not really, you're not really going to know
that probably until you meet in person. Okay. Person. I just don't know if it's something
that I'm like, Ooh, this guy's giving you all kinds of red flags that you're not even
paying attention to. It's really hard to say until you have it in person. Yeah. It's really
in person. Well, once you have the in person, let's come back and we'll process that. Like
I want to know what happened on the date. What kinds of things did you do? Um, what
was the interaction, all of that kind of stuff. Oh, I think Alyssa had to jump off. I'm going
to, I hope she posts on that app. Um, of that nature, like, then we're going to want to
see that. Okay. Okay. Like, again, let's just don't put the cart before the horse.
Let's just take it one step at a time. Okay. Okay. So just do, I don't engage until he's
like, Hey, I'm ready to do this now. Or, yeah, I mean, I mean, and if you feel like, like,
Hey, you want to check in? Like, Hey, how's, how's it going? Whatever you want to kind
of keep touching base. Cause again, you're, you're just getting to know him. I mean, do
you all ever ask any, like, get to know you questions? He doesn't. That's why I'm like,
I don't know. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. I think at this point, you just kind of need
to see, like, you put it out there, see if he takes the lead. If not, I mean, you need
to get out and be looking and, and getting to know other people right now. You've put
it out there. You let them know, Hey, this is the area. If you want to come meet me,
he's going to have to communicate when it works best for him because he's got a son.
I mean, at the end of the day, if he's got a son, how, how's the long distance relationship
going to work? I mean, are you able to go there? Yeah, it's not that far away, but again,
yeah, I would just let him kind of take that lead there. You've put it out there. I think
you're learning a lot of really good things in this process. So I don't want you to don't,
don't sit in the frustration part, focus on what you're getting out of this situation.
Ladies, that goes for everybody and all these dating experience sit with what, what is God
revealing to you? What are you, what positive things are you gleaning from this season and
with these interactions? Okay. Okay. Thank you. We're in, we're here with you. We got
you. Thank you. You are welcome. Lori, how are you doing? I feel so bad. I like the two
ladies that had their hands up. I can't remember. I know one was Alyssa I think, and I know
I don't see her on now and I can't remember who the other person was. I think the other
one was Alicia. She said she had to go, but maybe she'll pop back on. Okay. Alicia, if
I'm going to let Lori go and if you're still on, we'll take you. If not, I apologize. Or
she's, I don't know if she's here. He actually said she had to go. He had to go. Okay. Yeah.
All right. I'm going to get better next week. Y'all I promise. Y'all have to hold me accountable,
please. Promise. Y'all hold me accountable. I learned so much through everybody's sharing.
Like I, it's like, well, that's what I love because it's through y'all's shares.
There's things that we can glean from it. Like that was like, we, we talked about the safety
stuff, not, not learning things from, you know, people's social media, like God,
God's work through every single person's share. Like, you know, that wasn't exactly her question,
but God used something that, you know, he used something that she said to speak
wisdom to everybody here. And I guarantee you, it spoke something to somebody.
So don't ever hesitate and think that your question is not going to be teachable or as silly
because y'all I can, I can teach clearly. Y'all just saw, I mean, one person talks and I feel
like I taught, taught several topics on one share. Yeah. All right. I'm a, I.
I literally, I'm a teacher at heart.
It was my first career.
All right, Lori, what do you have for us?
Yeah, so I'm standing.
Girl, you are.
That's the lesson that like, it was so cool
because like I'm learning also to trust
that I'm hearing God's voice.
And so when he said, just stand,
and then Chris Vallotton posted a couple days later,
just stand, but it's actually a book that he has coming out.
And that was just like, it's just like,
when we hear the Lord's voice,
like he speaks to me of like, you know,
like I ask him, what promise do you want me to declare?
What promise, what verse do you want me
to declare over my life?
Like my heart is really hurting.
And he'll just say, declare my faithfulness.
And I just broke down.
And this was like earlier on with this other guy
that I was like crazy over.
That super masculine guy, like he was a whole new,
like bearded, like whole new thing.
I'm like, oh my gosh, I just went crazy.
I mean, I didn't actually go crazy.
My like, I got excited, crazy, but yeah.
Anyway, so yeah.
Like, so it's just like, I feel like there's like,
the Lord can speak just two words
and it'll just like wreck me because it's,
he knows like what our heart, I'm like,
oh, I needed to know that you're here
and you're going to be faithful.
Well, so anyway, like last week was super intense
for all of us.
And so it was like, just experienced a lot of grief
from that, like in the spirit realm,
but then also grieving like the, it's like Jackie says,
it was letting go of an illusion.
Like, it's not really real, so you don't have to grieve it.
So I tried not to stay there for too long, but I did.
I mean, it took me a few days to just like let it go.
But it, just totally let it go.
So anyway, my hand raised this time
is because I have been going back to a beach that is,
so I moved from California to Michigan, like last March.
I shared some more of my story in the wind section,
but long story short was that like,
so like I've been going to a beach that's like south of here
because I've, you know, going through the hard work
and all that, I really just wanted to go to the beach
and I didn't, I wanted privacy.
So I didn't go to a beach here,
which is like 20 minutes south.
So I've been going to this beach that is where,
it's like I've been living in Holland
where we raised our boys and,
but I've like not been living in Holland.
Like I've been going to the beach down in Saugatuck
and going to church over in Grand Rapids.
So this was just like my,
kind of like my faith step of living here.
What?
You're like getting new scenery.
Getting what?
New scenery.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
But I'm going, stepping back into places,
like I've been going to the beach this whole last week.
We're having like a Michigan summer,
so it's really nice here.
And so just soaking that in.
And I went back to this beach,
which is where we, my then husband and I took our kids.
And so lots of really good memories there.
And, but it's beautiful and I'm loving it.
And so that's really good.
And just meeting so many, like just great people.
It's a very Christian community.
And just, you know, there's just this atmosphere about it.
So anyway, a couple nights ago, this man appears on,
so it's like literally three minutes onto the beach
from where you park.
It's like-
Real quick, before you keep going,
I just want to, Alyssa came back.
So can we get to it so I can take her?
Because I have like 15 minutes,
so I want to be able to get both of you.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
Okay, thank you.
So this man appears at the top of the dune,
which like I said, it's not,
it's three minutes from the car down to the water.
And he, he just had this great,
so I'm sure I looked a couple of times,
but I had my contacts in.
So like, I couldn't really see who it was,
but his stature was like, he was well-built.
dressed and I'm like oh and I looked again and I'm kind of like is he like here with his wife or
well he's not so anyway the sun set I packed up my chair and my bag and started going up
back up the dune and you're smiling but I don't think it's going to be what you
oh no I started going back up the dune and um and then you know I could I could make out who he was
and I'm like he looks familiar oh no so well I'm not familiar in a bad way but in that way but
and then I like realized who he was and his name is Mark and he used to like I think my husband
worked with him or was in he's like heads up administrate he did at the time head up
administration at the college here and um you know he's on the chamber that kind of like
he's very involved in like government and stuff here but anyway very eloquent formal
um anyway he just I I just said to him I didn't say hi Mark because I hadn't quite connected
because it's been so long but I said I said oh man such a gorgeous sunset and I just kept walking
well he turned around and walked with me so then I noticed he said like do you come here often
because it was just maybe like a couple minute conversation and he's not the type of person that
you'd be like oh creep at all yeah but there's something in my spirit that was like I don't
really want somebody like yeah I just wasn't sure so anyway I'm like okay that's mine to work through
well last night I was there so this was like two nights ago last night I was there because I've
going like every night to watch the sunset and and right by my side it was like he appeared out
of thin air and he's like and he just like carries on like a five ten minute conversation and I mean
it was good but it was like it also just was like I'm like I'm standing this is my test like also
trying not to be like uh but he he is 74 years old I looked him up oh wow he's very fit very I
would say young like I would have pegged him maybe 10 years older than me so obviously not um
and he and he goes to a and then and then he's as he was leaving he said
I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow night but maybe I'll see you down here
and I'm like oh this is too much for me okay he and I know he goes to it he asked what he asked
he mentioned that he goes to a church here and it's like I'm not even gonna say what type of
politics but it's opposite politics of me because we don't need that right now no we do not we do
not so that's it that's all I'll say so that wouldn't be in alignment but um I'm like oh man
this place like I was like yeah just sit with that I mean again you're hearing from God so just
sit in like again that rest rest in him right now rest in the Holy Spirit all right you're hearing
from the Lord okay there we don't have to make any decisions there we don't have to make any
assumptions about this you know just maybe even I don't know I'm kind of
I'm just thinking how pleasant it is that there's just nice interaction with a pleasant gentleman
yeah you know and it doesn't have to be anything there's nothing forced it's just
having interaction yeah except for what if he asked me out well you then you get to decide
you know if you don't want to go on a date with him you say I'm really flattered
I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet yeah would it be okay if you know
you know I just if we see each other it's when we're here
yeah yeah but I don't want to feel like he's going to be there every day well and then yeah
I mean and you can you can even express that you can hold boundaries you can yeah where you're at
you don't have to feel pressured for anything yeah I think my instinct is that he sounds
like a gentleman and it may be that God's just showing you that there are men out there that
are going to respect boundaries and they're gentlemen out there right all right you don't
have to be ready like that's it like yeah
Yeah, because I definitely don't want to like, harden up.
Yeah, you don't have to. You don't have to.
Like I've got my scripture ready.
No, God's got you're gonna say, but here's the thing. We can
stand firmly. But we don't have to be hard.
Yes, that's exactly God defended.
And y'all is soft. Yeah, you don't have to be hard.
Right?
There's a gentleness. Yeah. The fruit of the Spirit. Yeah. I do
think he's a good man. Yeah. I think he's got a he's I think
he's got a good reputation. Yeah. Yeah. I will tell you
ladies when I was when I was in this program and I was dating I
mean, I dated some doozies I'm not gonna lie. I had you know, I
had my my my fair share of this in this program and I was
dating. I had my ups and my downs my hopefulness, my
discouragements I had it all okay. So just know like when
you you go through that I I feel you. Um, but God also brought
some some men in my life that were not they were good men.
They just weren't. I weren't I wasn't attracted to them or they
weren't my person. And it was just nice to get to know them as
God's creation of man just to know like, oh, this is an
example of a masculine man. Like God was showing me I created men
and women I created masculine and feminine. And I could learn
to appreciate certain qualities, attributes and
characteristics of the masculine I can appreciate qualities and
characteristics of masculine men. Because I don't I'm not
masculine. I'm not supposed to be men are different ladies. And
you're going to get into relationship and then when you
get into marriage, there's going to be things that it's just not
going to make sense. And it's not supposed to because they're
men. I mean, I have two boys. I have my biological younger son,
who I understand a little better because I raised him. But y'all
he's a little bit different because he was raised by a
single mother. He's a little more in touch with his emotions.
Because he didn't have a presence of a father
consistently around my older son. Y'all he's an anomaly
anomaly. I cannot understand my older son. We were literally
sitting at the dining room table all weekend long. Having to get
on him because of his grades, which he's not usually one that
has like terrible grades. But the attitude that was on he's 16
y'all. So if you have teens, you understand I mean, and we have
wonderful kids like y'all I can't I mean, like, I have a
hard time sometimes with my kids, but I am blessed because
they are not nearly I do not nearly have the challenges that
many parents have to deal with nowadays. Very, very blessed.
But my son just had like absolutely no emotion
whatsoever. I'm like, I don't get this. I literally like I was
losing my patience. And my like emotions were I mean, I was
coming out of 10. I was getting reactionary. And I had to like,
make eye contact with my husband. And I'm like, go in
the room. Like, I need to have a conversation. And I'm looking at
him. I'm like, you have to explain this to me. Because I
don't understand how this kid this boy is like, I don't know.
I have. I'm like, what are you feeling? Like, what's what's
going on? What are you thought? Oh, no emotion. Like, I don't
get you. And my husband's like, he's boy. And I'm like, I don't
get boys. Like we're not supposed to understand. But in
this moment, ladies of discovery and dating, I really want you to
press in and learn to enjoy and appreciate and value the gift of
the divine masculine and God's creation of man. Believe it or
not, men were created for women and women were created for men.
There's gifts there. So just even if this man is just there,
Lori, for you to just appreciate God's creation.
of a good masculine man, that's amazing.
What a gift from God.
I mean, I dated a lot of really great guys
that I'm like, no, they're not for me,
but I appreciated them.
They were good guys.
And that's all it had to be.
All right, I want to move on to Alyssa.
Is it Alyssa, Alyssa?
Am I, how am I?
I don't want to butcher your name.
I am genetically challenged, y'all.
It's what?
Alyssa, thank you.
Alyssa, okay.
What you got for me?
Oh, well, I wanted to just ask,
I found myself very chatty and I didn't like it.
Just maybe overanalyzing, but I'm like,
how do I get some good feedback on what to do going forward?
As for the first one, does that make sense?
Yes.
Thanks.
Now, did you, you posted in the community?
Yeah, I think I just said somebody just, yeah.
Okay. Not much.
I have, let me, I don't have it pulled up.
Oh, that's okay.
I just said somebody asked me out, period, thanks.
Okay, so somebody asked you out.
In person, it was a friend.
Okay.
And you got nervous?
I think a little bit.
So in the date, it was fine.
It was good.
I was just extremely chatty.
And I was like, oh my gosh, it's so embarrassing.
I was like, ooh, and it's kind of nice.
How did he respond?
Man is like a solid guy.
Just a really good guy.
Super mannerly, Midwest, all the way, go Lori.
I love it because I'm from the Midwest.
Oh gosh, the quality out there.
I am so impressed.
I'm in California, so like, you know,
beggars can't be choosers, but anyway.
So just really mannerly, really kind.
And I mean, for the week that we had just like,
kind of met or at least connected before,
I was like, he can't stand me
because he's just like preaching the gospel at me too much.
I was like, if I need to hear it like this,
and he definitely has no interest,
but it was fine, he was kind.
I just didn't like the way that I showed up
and I really respect him.
I don't have any plans of going forward
because I'm moving soon.
But just noticing like,
ooh, I don't wanna show up like that again
when I'm with somebody that I could see something with.
And just that like nervousness
and just getting too chatty and honestly flirty.
I was a little odd too.
I was like, whoa, okay.
But where'd that come from?
But yeah.
Well, those are good questions.
Like, where did that come from?
Like, what about it did you not like?
Like, what surfacing, what thoughts or beliefs
are you hearing or thinking with how you showed up?
I didn't like that there was some nervousness
around like, oh, am I enough?
Or it just, I don't know specifically,
I could like think about that or pray about that.
But yeah.
I would encourage to sit with some of that.
Like, okay, there's nervousness.
And so the thought, am I enough?
Was there, did you feel embarrassed?
Oh yeah.
I mean, partly of me and partly of him
because I have a big thing where I'm like,
you cannot look like you're dating me
until you actually are.
Like, if you don't earn it, you don't get it.
Like, you're not walking me into church.
No way, that's a privilege.
Like, that's expensive
because I got to stay on the market, you know?
Yeah.
So that, so he was kind of showing up
probably maybe being more of a gentleman
kind of escorting you.
And you're like, this is embarrassing
because I'm not dating you, we're just on a date.
Yeah.
And it's, I was just embarrassed
to like figure out how to ask those things.
Like ask what things?
Like, hey, actually, like, I'm totally fine
if you want me to hold your arm
if we're walking in a not so public park,
but if we're, where there's other people,
I kind of want you to cross the walkway.
Like, could you stay away from me?
So-
Is that a, like-
Well, here's the thing.
So when, did he like grab your arm
or did you grab his arm?
He offered, very gentlemanly, solid guy.
Okay, I love that.
And that's what I was going to ask.
Cause I'm like, that, for me, that's a thing.
I don't like guys just forcing me to do that.
Y'all like big, a big.
thing for me, a big attraction for me, and this is my thing,
this doesn't have to be your thing, is when men ask
permission for that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
So when any of y'all have these dates with these guys, they're
gonna earn points with me if they asked you permission. Okay,
my husband did that for me. And that is something that won me
over. He asked if he could kiss me on the first date and I told
him no. I wanted to but I told him no. Okay. But he asked if he
could hold my hand when we were walking downtown Bradenton,
Florida. And I was like, okay. And then he made sure he was on
the outside like walking on the street. Like those were like
ladies, those are qualities. Open the door for me. So for
you, I do want you to challenge yourself and ask yourself. Why?
I want I was trying to figure out how I want to ask this
question because I got things going through my head here. What
about a man being honorable and showing respect for any woman
would be embarrassing? Whether he's dating her or not?
The assumptions made at least for me and maybe I'm wrong on
this if you're asking me that right now.
Okay. So yeah, let's I want to dive into that just for I mean,
we don't have a whole lot of time. We've got about five
minutes. The assumptions. So what are you fearful of?
Who's that I would be? Whoever would see my rep just mostly
that my reputation would say, hey, that's her level. And I
don't want to be capped at that level. Like, I hope I'm above.
So what others think of what I'm hearing is it's about what
other people are thinking? Um, or how they're going to feel
what your images?
Yeah, kind of like the reputation that precedes me.
Reputation. Was there ever a time in your life where you
didn't have a good reputation? No. Okay. Was there ever a time
in your life that someone challenged that you didn't have
a good reputation? No. The where you came in? Um, great
question.
Sit with that one with the Lord. Yeah, we'll see what gets
revealed there. I think, you know, again, you know, again,
these are just things that I'm hearing. If you're not getting
something, that's totally fine. Okay. Just trying to help you
process this. I am I enough? Because let's go back to that
one. You were nervous. Am I enough? Yeah. When was Can you
recall a time one of your earliest memories where you felt
like you weren't enough?
Yeah, with friends, and I was really little lack thereof.
Spend time with that. Is it again, and if I'm if, if you
don't want to answer any of my questions, it's okay. All
right. I don't want to push you too hard. All right. No, all
good.
Gee, is it hard for you to open up to people? No, like way
overshare. Oh, my gosh. You're an overshare. Okay.
All right. Yeah, I would just again, spend some time with with
caught up in the I don't know how to act on dates. I think
this is just getting your feet wet. Right? Yeah. So this was
your first date in how long?
Two months. A few months.
This is what so this was your first date since heartwork.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
How long were you in heartwork? A few months. Okay. Yeah.
All right. Yeah. Um, are you? How are you on? Are you on apps?
Like, how are you meeting people?
Oh, I'm not on apps right now. Earlier this year, I was on an
app met a great guy dated for a little bit. Not the right fit,
but like solid guys so encouraged by the great men out
there. This guy was in person. He was like my neighbor,
actually. So
Oh, cool. Yeah. So yeah, I just encourage you just keep getting
out there. And then whatever comes like sit with Holy Spirit
don't be afraid to to share with us in the app like what's coming
on, you know, coming up what's surfacing. We're here for you.
Okay. Yeah. So just practice helps get that. Yeah, you just
got it. You just got to use that dating muscle. Oh, okay. Yeah, I
know. A shortcut. Come on. We got more tricks up our sleeve,
right? Perfect girl ladies, it would be like, you just go on a
date, you meet the man of your dreams. You know, he's the one
he asked you to marry him, you get married, and then happily
ever after like, if only that could happen, or if only, you
know, you could get him Amazon Prime to your door. That would
be so wonderful. But that unfortunately, you know, Jackie
likes to say is every promise comes with a process. So we have
a process that we that God is going to take us through and
it's for our it's for it's for us. It's for his glory. He like
good things come out of it. I promise. All good things. All
Kim, I'm praying for your first date tomorrow. Will you please
make sure that you come in the app and like, let us know how it
goes. Like, okay. This is one thing I do love about my job.
Like, y'all, I have such a cool job because I get to have an
inside of like all y'all's love stories. I get like, I get to be
like, the best friend that y'all like, you know how you
always go to your best friend and tell like, Oh, I just went
on this date. Like, that's like one of my favorite things. Like
I love to be your cheerleader. I love to be like, you know, your
person that you get to come to. So I get excited when y'all
share that stuff with me. And yeah, the fly. Sam saw the fly
that's flying around my face. Like, we have these little
zappers, but they for some like, we kill him at night, because we
turn it on. And when the lights go off, you hear him zapping
through the night. And then my husband has a salt gun, like
looks literally like a little gun and he like goes around like,
like he's on a mission like he's a soldier. I'm like, again, he's
a man y'all men are different. And then of course, my boys
want to something else. Again, I don't understand that. Meg,
you're asking how long is it supposed to take for you to get
to know someone is your person? Is it immediate or does it
develop over time that that is? It's different for everybody. It
will be different for everybody. God is I believe God is involved
in every single one of those love stories. And so I always
encourage everyone to seek the Lord. Be in prayer with the Lord.
Speak to the Lord about that. And I did I know I didn't cover
this. I know someone asked in the in the app and I said I
would I would talk about it if they wanted to come in the chat
and I don't think they were here about like non negotiables and
stuff. Like, is this a non negotiable? I had I had non
negotiables. And when I dated guys, and there was a not a non
negotiable come up like I always been like, because one of my non
negotiables ladies was both of my non negotiables. Well, two of
my non negotiables was I wanted to have another baby. And I
wanted to stay in Florida. If they weren't willing to move, and
they didn't want to have another baby, I was not going to
entertain it. So when I dated guys, and if they came out and
told me that they had vasectomies, because ladies, I
was dating in my late 30s early, like, you know, late 30s. So it
wasn't uncommon. If I was dating a guy like in his late 30s, or
his early 40s. For men to have vasectomies. So I dated a number
of guys that said they had vasectomies. And I didn't really
press forward with them. Because to me, that was a non negotiable
because I wanted another baby. I thought the Lord told me, the
Lord told me I was going to have another kid. And so in my mind, I
was like, I want another baby. So he told me I'm gonna have
another kid. So I'm gonna have another baby. So I passed on a
handful of guys like that a lot of good guys pass on them. I met
my husband
Then we're talking, met in person,
found out he had had a vasectomy.
I had to go to the Lord with that.
And the Lord spoke to me and he said,
Carla, I told you you were gonna have more children.
I didn't tell you we're gonna birth them.
Well, okay, Lord, didn't know that.
So again, I just, I encourage you ladies to always be like,
seek the Lord on everything, okay?
And again, like there was a suit,
like it made me uncomfortable.
I was a little scared,
but at the same time I had a bit of a supernatural peace
and God also, because I was so in tune to listening to him,
he gave me confirmations that I didn't have to go seek
and I didn't have to question, is this God, is this not?
Like I oftentimes see people do that.
Well, I think this is God.
Oh, God did this and God did this and God did this.
And it's almost like it's forced
and that you're forcing it.
There's just something,
and I wish I had the words to describe it,
where if you've ever experienced
just the supernatural presence of Holy Spirit,
you know, like you'll know, but it might take time.
It might be immediate.
You never know, but God, if you're abiding in him
and you're spending time with him,
and again, as I get ready to end this,
spend this week activating the rest in him.
Have Sabbath with him this week.
Spend time with that.
Staying connected to him is so important.
It's when we hear from him clearly
and we don't have to allow the confusion to come in.
There's just the peace because we are abiding in him.
Can't say that strongly enough, okay?
Just from my own testimony,
it's very easy sometimes we get caught up
where we don't do that,
because I'll be very transparent.
You know, I've been married for two years
and I will say there's been moments in my marriage
where I haven't been fully in relationship with God
and it has created confusion
and it has created just discord.
And when I allow myself to really commune
with my heavenly father where it's just me and him,
everything just really comes back together.
So it is important to learn how to do it now single
because ladies, you will need to continue
to do that in marriage because it will happen.
The enemy will want to come and kill, steal,
and destroy marriage because he doesn't like marriage.
So practice pressing into God now,
especially while you're single,
so that when God brings that person to you,
you know, you're equipped.
And now you've got your spirit mate
who's also gonna be equipped
and y'all can, you can go to battle together.
Y'all are, that's what kingdom marriage is, y'all.
All right, ladies, be blessed, take rest this week.
All right, I love you all.
I can't wait to see you next week.
All right, have a blessed, blessed day, love you.