to go but i don't i don't want to take any more time i'm so sorry that y'all cannot see me
i've seen what happened when you get on at the last point i start a little late with my
joining um anyway so how's everything going i miss your pretty face yeah thank you i'm gonna
try to i'm gonna try to log on from my phone and just mute my phone and then i mean voices
be coming from different places but you know at least you'll see me i couldn't record the video
from my phone logging in so recording in progress
um
okay
we see you yeah how about now can y'all hear me from one place yeah and there's no echo and
we can see you perfectly oh i got so confused i'm like oh i see myself on the camera now but
i'm the one talking
let's pray let me let me i saw i looked sideways on wait a minute do i look like i'm looking at
y'all or do i look i'm looking at the camera so you're looking at the camera well now you're not
but when you were looking i think at your phone we could see you looking at us okay right there
that we can see you like yeah okay thank y'all for being so patient with me let us pray father
god i thank you for your goodness for your kindness for your love you're so good i thank
you that you have all the solutions that we need while we're on this journey i'm so thankful that
we get to partner with you to see your kingdom coming your will be done in our life as it
pertains to marriage in our overall wholeness as your daughters in jesus name amen
all right ladies now y'all know i already kind of struggled i have a big screen about
hands go up first but i will write them down as you put them up as much as my little screen can
show me so um i want us to go ahead and get started because i don't want us to be pressed
for time and so um all right i see katie's hand and burns hand and shira hands hand okay
uh-oh there happens go katie
hi guys um so i have a question and i don't want to sound mean when i say this but
um how do you get over the the fact that a guy is shorter than you
how much shorter like two three inches i've not met him in person his um profile said
like five four i think i'm like five six five seven depending on the day and he literally
asked me because i asked him today if you want to meet with me for coffee and um he said yeah
that would be great but we couldn't come up with the time so he said oh do you want to do a video
date and i was like sure so um anyway then the next question was are you sure you're not gonna
be upset there the height's not gonna bother you and so my reply was i don't really know to be
honest i've never dated anybody that was my height or shorter sorry my daughter's frying
chicken um and but i said i've had men that were taller than me that didn't control things that
they could help like lying and cheating so height you can't help so as long as you're a good man it
shouldn't matter but i've not met him and i'm very weird about that so i don't know how to get past
it if he's a good man you won't have a problem getting past it that's what i figured but i was
like i don't i don't know i think that the truth is people once you get to know a person they
honestly do show up as who they are you can have a supermodel of a man but if he treats you like
crap he's gonna look like crap you can be like he look good but you can have him because i don't
yeah that's kind of how i was when i was trying to explain that to him because he you know i like a
lot of the same things that we've not talked on the phone or anything so he could be just awful
but um we're gonna try and do a video date either tomorrow or thursday
And so I don't know.
I just was like, I don't want that to be a focus.
And I went out on a date with a guy on Saturday.
And he was my height.
And I probably would have been OK with that.
Like, I just had never tried that before.
So I didn't know if it would just kind of go away
when you liked the person.
Yeah, I think you can feel it's not like it's not
going to be a bit awkward.
So maybe wear some flat sandals.
I mean, if y'all go, when y'all going to date.
But I don't ever wear heels.
I have issues with my heels.
So I don't wear more than like a tennis shoe or like a sandal.
So it's not like I would be wearing heels
or would have to give up wearing heels.
Yeah, I think, personally, you can get used to it.
I don't believe that his height has anything
to do with him being masculine, mature, or marriage minded.
What you told him was true, then it was your truth.
And I think that, yeah, I think it's the truth.
And physical features, unless he is hard for you to look at.
No, he's cute.
I mean, his pictures are cute.
I've not seen him in person or on a video date yet.
But he's got some pictures, so.
I say go for it.
I think it's going to be fun.
Stretch yourself, Elyse.
All right, Vern.
Hello.
Hey, girl.
Well, I had a couple of people that I did talk to.
Still haven't quite made it on a date.
But I'm supposed to have a date on Sunday.
But we're actually not a good match.
And let me tell you why I say that.
Well, I thought we could have been.
This is the thing.
OK, so I'm 62, and he's 61.
So when we started talking and everything,
he said that he liked my profile and my pictures and all of that.
But for some reason, he wanted to talk to me.
But then he said, I'm too old for him.
He like them young, right?
But anyway, we still continue to talk.
And it was just like we became like friends.
And we had started.
And yes, we were telling each other
about our poor little business that we had.
I was helping him.
And he was like, girl, I'm going to teach you.
You're doing too many things.
You're a beautiful woman.
And then you're a church girl.
These guys, these young guys, nah.
Which I'm not interested in them anyway.
But it was more like we was having just this friend conversation.
And so some things I guess I had told him,
he said that he wanted to take me on a date
to show him what a real date looked like.
And so we did agree to it about Sunday.
But we already know that we're not interested like that.
But the other thing, I mean, he could curse.
And I was like, excuse me.
But anyway, he was a really nice guy.
But he do want to take me out on Sunday.
But oh, yesterday he called me.
And he's just now trying to flirt around.
And I think he was kind of like as if he
want to kind of move his little self back over on that part
about I did sat on date older women.
But you're such a nice person.
But anyway.
But yeah, so I do have that little friendship date to go.
So I'm still discovering.
And I can still.
There's still a date.
That's right.
So it's still a date.
Yeah.
And then I have one guy, which he was, I say he's a minister.
And so we haven't talked in a while.
We was having this long conversation.
Remember I told you I sent him this long, really long message?
Well, I haven't talked to him in like maybe two weeks.
So all of a sudden, Sunday morning, he sent me this message.
And he was like, hey, he said, I just want to say hello.
He was like, I'm getting ready to minister this morning.
Can you please pray for me, say a prayer for me or whatever?
And I was like, I didn't talk to him.
This is on a message that he sent to me
because I was in a session that morning anyway.
So it wasn't that I can talk to him.
But I didn't hear anything else from him since then.
I just guess he just needed prayer.
But anyway, so haven't really had any dates,
but just still talking to people on the phone.
But I got two guys that I'm talking to right now.
And we're talking about, hey, let's get together and do something.
One of them said, let's go have coffee or tea
or a cocktail or something like that.
But we haven't scheduled time.
to go and do it. But again, I'm still enjoying myself.
That's good. How old is the guy that says that he doesn't like older women?
61? He said I've dated ladies that were in their 61, girl she was in her 70s.
And then now mind you, he's been married like five times. He say one he don't count because he was
18 when he got married. But he's still friends of the other. So we just talked, like I said,
after that, just being friends. And he just asked if it was okay if he could take me out to
a nice restaurant. So yeah. Okay, sounds good. Well, I'm excited. Keep us updated
as soon as you come back from the date. I sure will. Hopefully, I'll get another
one before then. That's right. Yeah, I'll get another one. So I'm not, like I said,
it's just friends. It's nothing that he's going to change my mind on or anything like that. It's
just that we just enjoyed each other's company talking to each other. Oh, good. That sounds fun.
Okay. Way to go. First date down. Six more to go. Oh, yeah. All righty. All right, Shirai.
Hi. Hey. I'm in the wilderness with dating. I know that place. It's a dry and weary land.
You know what's so funny? You know what's so funny about it, though, for me?
Is that this used to, a long time before I was a part of this program, used to make me cry.
Yeah. But I'm at such peace. I'm like, oh, well. Yeah. Yeah. That's weird to me. But, you know,
it's kind of strange to be like, oh, well. Once you're in the role of it, you get so tired,
like you could wear you out. And so then when you get a break, you'd be like, oh, well, I'll be okay.
I don't. I mean, but I guess because I used to, you know, not getting attention or anything like
that. So now, so it's just, I don't know. It's just weird to like, be okay with not getting.
Yeah. But I also did ask God a while back that I wanted to meet somebody organically.
And I saw this thing. I don't know if anybody else has ever heard of it. It's called jigsaw dating.
I've heard somebody make me. I've heard of it. And I heard somebody in the group make mention
of jigsaw dating. I don't know who it was. It's been on the wall or, but go ahead.
So I, and their tagline is meet someone organically. And I was like, okay, Jesus.
Yeah.
But I haven't tried it yet. Like I've been tipped. Like I'll actually put the ticket in my cart.
Yeah. And then I, and then I don't pay for it.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know why I haven't like just bit the bullet yet and paid
for it, but I haven't. Ashley Little just said in the comments that she went to their speed dating
event and it was so much fun. Yeah, that, there was, there was one on the sixth that I was going
to go to and then I didn't pay for it. How much do it cost? It's not, it's not expensive. It's like,
like a little bit over $20. I think. Really? Yeah.
Cool. Yeah. And they like have a mem, I think they have like a membership. Yeah. That you,
that you, that you, then you don't have to pay for each separate event. You get a start,
you like, I think if you like that now that the membership is, is like over a hundred dollars,
but then you like get a certain amount of events that you don't have to pay. Cause you know,
you're a part of, and I, and I think they like do like bigger, like matchmaking within those people,
I guess. I don't know, but, but I was first going to try an event. So I guess I need to,
I guess I'm like wanting to be, I guess. It's kind of cool that somebody else has heard about
it too. And so like, it may, it kind of is encouraging me to go ahead and go. Yeah. So
I guess I want to hear, I guess from other ladies, if you guys don't, I don't know, it's okay. If,
if they share what they, what they experienced. Ashley, what was the experience like,
if you're not, if you're available to share? Um, so with the speed dating event, I don't
think it was like necessary.
really Christian-based, but it was just basically,
we all met at a coffee shop,
and the women would just sit there
and the guys would kind of like rotate.
But it was just fun, low-key, no pressure.
I was a little nervous, but I went with a friend,
and it was a lot of fun, it really, really was.
Oh, so you meet live in your area.
They pull the people together in their particular area,
and you do, huh, that's nice.
Yeah.
We need to do one with the Dallas people,
there's a lot of people in Dallas.
Ain't this where you at, Chiraq?
You should post it on the wall,
in the Dallas singles group.
Okay, like, yeah, the single,
post the jigsaw dating on there?
Yeah, like, see who want,
like, if anybody would be interested,
like, tell them about it.
And like, going with me?
Go together.
Yeah, that would be a good idea.
Then I wouldn't feel,
one of my friends, one of my girlfriends,
one of my Christian girlfriends from work
said she would go with me.
Yeah.
So.
Oh, cool, that's cool.
But, yeah.
I gotta tell people I know about that.
So, yeah.
So, I'm kind of,
I'm more encouraged that I know that other people on here.
Yeah.
Have heard of it and experienced it, so.
And I will, I'll post,
you think it's okay to post, like, something else?
Something other than, like, our stuff on there?
The Dallas singles group.
Yeah, like, the singles connect, yeah.
Is that okay?
Yeah, jigsaw is a dating app.
It's like, hey, check out this new dating app.
Like, when we, y'all ask us which dating apps do we.
Okay.
Yeah, it's not like you're posting, like,
some, like, some teachings or something like that.
Okay.
It could possibly be a good event for people to go.
I think you should.
Okay, I'll do that.
Thanks for the.
And yesterday.
Yeah.
Yesterday, I turned 48.
Ooh, you're 48?
I'm 48.
You were, like, in your 30s, like, no.
Like.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, I turned 48 yesterday.
I am shocked.
Yeah.
I thought you were a young girl.
It don't mean you're not young,
but I'm talking about, I'm 42,
so I thought you were, like, a babe.
Like, I.
You thought you were.
Well, you have more wisdom in areas,
so that's probably why you're older than me.
So that's probably why.
No, no, no, you have a very baby-like face.
I didn't think something about some wisdom.
No, we're puzzle pieces.
No, no, no.
All right, happy belated birthday.
Thank you.
So, yeah, so, like, one of the things,
because I've been, like, listening to a podcast
about the Bible, one of the things
that they've been talking about is the number eight.
Yeah.
And I've heard, like, Jackie talk about it, too,
and so I'm believing, and I know that,
and I was just thinking about that new beginnings
because it's the number eight,
so I'm hoping this year will bring lots of new things.
Yeah, we're hoping for you new beginnings
in every area of your life
that you will feel renewed, rejuvenated.
I just release a spirit of acceleration over you
in every area, even the areas that you've forgotten about.
I just declared that the Lord is gonna bring acceleration
and speed to your life.
I just declare over you that this is a time of settlement.
The Bible says that after we have gone for a while
or become tired, that the Lord our God,
he will come and he will strengthen us,
he will make us perfect, and he will establish us.
He will restore us, and then he will establish us,
and so I just speak establishment over you, right?
And so we thank God for this birthday.
We thank God for everything he has in store for you this year
because he's already planned it.
The Bible says that our God is the apple and the omega,
not one, then the other, but all at the same time,
and so we just declare that everything
that heaven has for you, we stand in agreement as a body,
and we call those things to be.
In the very beginning, the Bible says
that the earth was formed, was void and without form,
and the spirit of God hovered over it,
and then the Lord spoke,
and so tonight, we're agreeing with heaven,
and we're speaking, so every void place,
every area in your life that has not been formed,
we speak over it, and we say,
life, come alive, every dead place.
Can these bones live?
We decree and declare over your life that yes.
Every dry bone can live and we call for the wind of God to come and breathe upon your life.
Every desolate area, every place that is thirsty and is in need of rain and water,
we declare that your ladder should be greater than the former. Happy birthday.
Thank you very much. I appreciate that.
You are welcome. All right.
Felicia. Felicia. Felicia, come in. Fine woman. Come in.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm here. Sorry about that.
Um, oh, I should have, um, really updated my journey on the community page.
And I just have not been doing that. I just was a bit exhausted.
So I took some time yesterday, kind of requested by the gentleman I'm talking with,
to just take a day. So I decided to do that and just take a whole day and just rest yesterday and
some other days too, because I was just feeling tired.
Yeah. Anyway, I was going to update that.
Continuity seems to be a great person. His conversation is just so attractive.
The masculine is mature. Um, I still go back and forth in my mind
about the distance that we haven't met again since we met the first time.
And I don't know why I just keep going back and forth in my mind, but whenever the talk come,
I kind of think about how great this conversation is and all of that good stuff.
And he said, you know, I can't say nothing's going to work until I try it.
You know? So that's my only thing.
I do go back and forth, like, I want this. And then I'm like, okay, nice conversation later.
But I often say, I don't really want this because it's so long distance.
I mean, he's three hours away, but I'm like, I think I'm going to give him another week.
And if he doesn't, he said he's planning to make the second day, but I'm just like,
in my mind, I'm going to give him a week or maybe a two weeks. And if he doesn't plan it,
I'm just going to like, this is not going to work. Right.
And his rest, we were talking about the rest part of it, where we talk about it the same
night after coaching, and it was just a misunderstanding what it means when he said
he rests. And then I started thinking about that. I do need someone like that who,
because I don't really, I'm not a rest person. I really got to force myself to sit down
and physically rest. I rest a lot in my mind, but not, I'm always moving, doing things.
So he has a passion for that. And it was just reminding me of my past where he would just rest
and not most likely just rest and not really care. But this is very different. No, that's
on the phone. I don't see that in action. But that's another thing that kind of played with
my mind. Like, am I going to be ignored and just, he's resting. So we talk about it. And I mentioned
that when he's resting for that whole day, he waits to call me like in the evening. It's always
a set time. He's going to call me in the evening. It's always going to be a phone call though,
but during the day, and he said he's working on that. So what do you think?
Okay. Well, what I do want to make mention of is the statement that you made when you said,
if he doesn't play in the next one, two weeks, you're just going to tell him it's not going to
for you. And so I think that if you not said anything that you've already said something,
that's one thing. But if you're not said anything, he doesn't play in the next one or two weeks,
instead of saying, you're going to tell him it's just not going to work for you because you are
saying that he's, you like him, you enjoy talking to him, that he's good people. I would prefer you
use a language that says, Hey, I was looking forward to the date that you had planned for,
that you were going to plan for us. Where are you on it?
Okay. I kind of give a little hint, but he said, you know, just, he wants to plan it right. So
he won't take time off of work because I know his schedule is very different.
So that's why I was saying that if I don't see him actually making that or doing it,
made the plan, I was going to.
Because I go back and forth in my mind about it so much, I don't know why.
Well, so one way that we can avoid this back and forth in our mind and giving hints is
to make our, what we want very clear and to just be real clear about what, what you expect.
So two weeks come, then two weeks, one, two weeks come, whatever you're measuring, it
doesn't plan anything.
Then you say, I was looking forward to us spending time together.
You're three hours away, and so it's already a strain.
If we're not going to be able to plan, if we're not going to be able to plan and stick
with a routine that we'll see each other, then this relationship doesn't serve me this.
Okay.
And you're saying that's kind of after the two weeks.
You can do it in a week if you want.
You can do it in two weeks, it's what you decide now.
Because you said in a week or two weeks, but I'm just saying, I will prefer you to have
very clear communications.
And so that you can get, so when these expectations aren't met, you'll be able to clearly define
why they weren't met.
You won't be, well, I know he be tired.
Well, I know he'll be taking a rest day.
Well, I know he said this, so you know what this time, okay.
No, the clearer your expectations are, agreements are made, the more you can say, hey, this
is the agreement that we made.
Would you like to share with me what happened?
Okay.
Then you can measure, is there an effort there?
Is he even following up with you saying, I know that you were excited about us doing
A, B, and C. I'm not going to be able to make that happen.
This is what I will be able to do.
Yeah.
Cause he continues to say he's planning it, but he continued to say he's planning it.
He's planning to come up, but I'm just like planning and acting is two different things.
Well, when he says that, I want you to feel free to say, I understand that you're planning.
Can you tell me, give me your possible dates that you have in mind?
And then when he said, well, I haven't really looked at it, he said, I understand.
This is what I would like to share with you.
Because we are long distance, this is a strain and a stretch for me, but I was willing to
invest to get to know you.
But if we cannot have things, if we can't get it down on our calendars when we're going
to be able to get together at least a tenant to date, then I'm not willing to pursue this
any further.
Okay.
Yeah.
That sounds clear.
I'm going back and forth in my head about, do I want this?
Do I don't want this?
And I'm having fun.
Like I was talking to my girlfriend today.
She's very healthy and just amazing to talk to.
I'm having a great time.
I was asking her, am I taking this for a joke?
And she said, I don't think so.
We kind of worked it on and realized that I am having the fun that you said, just have
fun with it.
And I think that's where I'm just having a great time.
You know, the joy of the Lord is my strength.
I've worked on that for many, many few years now to just laugh again, and I'm really having
a great time with it.
You know, I'm not stuck up.
I'm not, I see.
I'm just so excited.
And, you know, I was talking about that today that finally the joy of the Lord has become
my strength.
And that makes me excited.
Yeah.
Well, that's good.
I'm excited for you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So I'll come to the follow up and I'll be on the page because I like that too.
Thank you, Ebony.
You're welcome.
Hey, Kim.
Taylor's girl.
Hello.
Well, so I have a second date with the older gentleman.
So my, you know, I think I told you last week, my birthday is Saturday.
So he's, he wants to take me to this really nice restaurant for my birthday.
So it's our second date.
But I, you know, I still have this reservation about his age and I've been praying about
it.
And I said, Lord, I need you to be really clear with me.
You know, everybody says it's a yes to let's a no.
I said, if it's a no, you've got to say no.
And you got to be really firm with me and say, Kim, it's a no.
Because, because I do have that hesitation, but at the same time, he's the best thing
that I've found so far.
I mean, so he's just, cause he's, you know, because he's older, so much older, he's just
a, you know, gentleman.
I don't think he's got a lot of experience though, that, I mean, he was married for 57
years.
years. And he married when I guess he was, you know, pretty
young. So he doesn't have any dating experience. This is all
new to him. So, but he is so forthcoming. The only thing is,
it's a little scary is that he's very forthcoming with his
feelings. So he's very excited about me, because I am so much
younger. And so he's, you know, he tells me how he feels, which,
you know, I just think he's really genuine. I think he's
just who he is. He's real. And it is kind of refreshing, but it
is a little bit like, oh, you know, hold your feelings, Marv,
because it's like, don't tell me everything that you're feeling
because it's, you know, and I know he's not lovebombing or do
anything like that. He's just super genuine, but he's just
excited. Yeah. And so I just and I thought, well, I might have to
tell him like, I already told him I said, you know, I just the
only reservation I have a little bit is the age
difference. And he said, Yeah, I know. And he goes, but I hope
you give me a chance. And I said, Yeah, I said, Well, I am
I mean, I'm excited to see you again. I am because we had a
great conversation. And he just treats me like a lady. I mean,
he's just very, very chivalrous, very intentional, very kind.
He's got a lot of the fruits of the spirit. So anyway, so yeah,
right. What's that? He's 71. No, no, I'm 70. And I'm gonna be 70.
And he's 82.
That
12 years.
Right. I know. I want to be 71.
Oh, so it's it's quite an age difference.
Man, but he looks great for his age. He takes better care of
himself than 80% of the people I'm seeing on Facebook dating
that are my age. I'm sure he takes good care of himself. He
doesn't have any health issues. He doesn't take any medicine. I
do.
Oh, yeah, I know the Lord trying to give you a good time
when you go on about here.
Yeah, I don't know. So I'm, I'm moving forward with it. I'm
sure he'll probably ask me on a third date after this. But I'm,
you know, and I just keep saying to the Lord, Lord, you know, let
me know. I mean, he knows I don't you know, I don't know. I
don't know. Maybe this guy's gonna live a long, long life and
he's gonna be great. I don't know. But anyway, I don't have
anything else going right now. I kind of wish I did but and I
could tell him you know, I just want to make sure you well I am
gonna like kind of let him know I'm still dating for discovery
and learning and and open to meeting people. I think you
know, I'm not we're not in an exclusive relationship.
Well, no, I think it is a really good experience for you. And I
think that you should enjoy up front with him that you do
reservations about the
sometimes
good
that I was
so yeah, I think that
you just never know what the Lord is restoring. He could be
bringing you can date me who treat you really well treat you
good and restore that part of you and put you back at the
standard of what God wants you to have for your life. And so
you know, we're asking God just show me just show me he like
just enjoy. I'll show you when it's time you have to keep
asking me I heard you. I want you to enjoy this enjoy this
treatment. You know, and so I think that God is special in
that way. You know, the last guy dated was really, really,
really good to me. And we dated for five months and he was
amazing. Really good to me. I I've never had anybody treat me
that way. Um, and so it was very restorative. In that way.
It didn't he he's not he wasn't my spirit mate. It didn't. It
was no reason like he did something so wrong. He just
wasn't him. He's a believer in all those things, but it really
did restore. And so I want to just caution you that and
everybody, you never know why people come into your life. And
so a lot of times when we're on this journey, we're like, well,
if I don't want to waste my time, I don't want but God is
trying to get something to you. He's trying to raise your
standards. So that when the one does come, you'll know how to
identify him. And when the one is not the one, you'll know how
to identify that. But you have to really taste and see that
God is good. You have to taste and see, you know, the one that
may be coming may not
scheduled to next month. I believe sometimes God puts a wink in there and brings something our way
just so we can have something. He knows the longing of our heart. I don't know why he does
the thing he does. I've talked to people and they, you know, and all these different processes,
you know, and it's like, wow, but this taught me this and this taught me my boundaries and
this relationship helped build this in me. And this little thing I did with this guy helped
build this in me. And on this journey, especially with this program, God just brings in through
dating, through relationships, brings in all these things to restore us and sharpen us and
weed things out of us and help us get solid in the areas that's going to serve us best in marriage.
And so that's why it is such a huge miss out when we want an Amazon package.
Because you're not only rejecting the little sting of hurt you may feel, you're also rejecting
the goodness that God wants to get through, get to you. And he gets it to us through people.
And so that makes so much sense to me. That's really making sense. Yeah. So enjoy. Yeah. Thanks.
Yeah. You're welcome. Yay. Okay. Heaven.
Oh, so if some of y'all, if y'all put your hand up and you like, I know I was before that person.
I don't know them. I don't know. I struggle with when the hands come up, especially when it's on
my little phone. So it's not personal. And if I did do that, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to do that.
Go ahead here. Okay. No problems. So I just went on the third in-person date with the guy from last
week earlier this afternoon, actually. I made sure to set the time for when the date was over
to where I can make it back to the call tonight. I was like, I have to do it this time.
But we went to Chinatown today and it was really fun. I live in Chicago for anyone who doesn't
in Chinatown in Chicago, really cool. I mean, he had never been to, he lives like two hours away.
So I told him that we had to go there and it was really fun. He asked me today about like past
dating history. So we talked about that a little bit. I appreciated that he hadn't brought it up
until now because we've known each other for like two months or so. So I felt like it wasn't
super soon, which I appreciated that. And so he doesn't have much dating experience and neither
do I because he didn't really start dating until after college. I didn't really start dating until
the end of college within COVID long break and then started again. So we're kind of on the
similar playing field with that. And neither of us have really had super serious relationships before.
So it was nice to talk about that. I didn't feel like either of us were like oversharing in that
way either. So that was nice. And he actually was talking about how he was glad that I told him I
had been like talking for like a month or so, which I only did because we talked about it. I
think in some form, I think that I did that update a few months ago that I told him that, and that
was purely because from the coaching in this, in the last year single. So I appreciated that because
he said that it let him know that I was interested in him because he wasn't quite sure. And I would
have never done that before this program. So I was like, wow, go me, go us, go coaching, all the things.
But yeah, it was really nice. I do like him. He said that he also likes me and I do enjoy like
spending time with him. And so I'm just leaving it there for now. So yeah, it was good. It was good.
And at the end, he did ask if he could chase me. And I said, I would love for that to not be now.
Oh, I would love to like wait a little longer. And he felt bad. And I had to reassure him that
it was okay that he asked, because I prefer that you ask than not ask. So yeah, it was overall
good thing. He asked you if he could kiss you or text you? Kiss me. Oh, that's so cute. Yeah.
And I was like, I prefer to wait because you know, like we're not exclusive and still all the other
things. And so, but he felt bad. He's like, oh, okay. I'm sorry. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm glad you asked. I prefer you asked me. We just talked about early. So I had to like reassure him
before he left. I'm glad you asked. I just don't want to now. So hopefully he felt better
leaving. But yeah, it was just funny because he like whispered it because we were in public and
it was just so funny. But yeah, so it was a good day. I'm happy that I wait because I wasn't feeling
before. So I was kind of like, if he hadn't come two hours, I would have tried to reschedule,
but I'm glad I went. I started feeling better once we were walking around. So it was good.
Way to go.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
I'm so excited for you.
Thank you.
Jenny?
Hello.
So I just got into phase two.
And I met a guy organically at the Tigers game.
I'm from Michigan, on a VFW bus trip benefit.
So I was just with friends.
I literally announced the day before, OK.
Listen, I'm in this dating thing.
And I need to announce I'm going in the dating scene.
It's been three and a half years.
So you know how this works.
And a guy I met, he is a Christian.
He knows Jesus, but he's not actively participating in church.
Seems genuine.
We've been talking.
I have just kind of some reservations of where he's at and like.
With God and
his heart.
Is it something I need to say, OK, he doesn't go to church,
I should just stop right now, or should I continue pursuing him?
Getting to know him?
You like?
Yeah, I think he's attractive.
He's single.
He doesn't have kids, just like he's in my same age category.
We have the same likes, dislikes so far.
I just want to do this right, the right way, you know,
from from previous relationships and this him being my first one,
I don't want to jump on in, but I go to church, I'm active.
It's at least 35, 40 percent of my week.
I'm going to Bible study and he's been absent in the church.
Right. For some time. Right.
So he's actually I told him that,
you know, I'm looking for a man who would lead spiritually.
And he's like, well, would you mind if I come to your church?
So kind of I was assuming I'd be like declining his offer, you know,
but then it's like, well, do I do I invite him to church events?
Do I see if he's really genuine about that?
Or is he just seeking me through church?
Right. So you don't do any of those things.
You don't see if he's really genuine.
It's not your job to get him in that way.
So right now you're just dating to get to know him.
You can. Now, he has a level of attraction
and you realize that you're very attracted to him and you really like him
and that you are getting emotionally attached and that doesn't serve you best
because he doesn't have the foundation that you're necessarily looking for.
But if you enjoy his company, he could very well
be worth investigating to see what his character is like,
because a person can serve in the church and not have a character
strength at all.
I see it every day.
I serve with leaders and I've seen things you would not.
You shouldn't fathom out of a leader.
So what I'm saying is I think if he's a great guy
and you find that he has good character, like he's good to get to know.
But if you find yourself getting attached,
then you're going to have to reel yourself back in.
If you have an issue with attaching quickly,
you may want to date another person at the same time.
I don't know how you feel about that.
You know, if you feel like there's too much.
But don't vet him. Enjoy him.
OK. And enjoy you.
The best way to enjoy you is to enjoy him and let him be who he is.
Don't even think to yourself, I wish he went to church.
I wonder. I wonder this.
I wonder that because all of those things speed up your process.
You're going to find a way to figure it out as a woman.
You're going to find a way to ask little questions.
And that's not what you want.
What you want to do is to get to know a person organically.
That's going to give you the greatest capacity for your husband.
Hmm. OK. Yeah.
That's that's where you get the bang for your buck,
where you can date a person that's safe
and you can discover you in the process of safety.
That's good. Yeah.
Or in the community of safety,
and you cover you with the same person that you're actually going on a date with.
You treat it well.
OK, thank you so much. You're welcome.
Yes, Sina.
All right. Oh,
yes, I'm because I'm getting ready.
Oh, because.
Well, I'm going speed dating.
Oh, so I'm wondering any tips.
I've never gone speed dating.
Anybody ever gone speed dating has tips.
Can you unmute and tip now?
Thank you. Yeah.
Questions prepared. I didn't do that.
You didn't get prepared, Ashley.
I didn't have no questions prepared, but I mean it was still fun, but that's what I would say just like have some fun questions if you can, sorry.
Okay.
Fun question. Just chat GPT girl.
I'm going to steal some prompts from like the Christian dating apps.
Yeah, you can ask AI what are some fun prompts to have.
What are some fun questions to ask that speed dating. I mean they can lay them out.
That's true.
I also asked my pastor for some advice.
You can get extra pass but if you're passing out of the day on some fun topics you should talk to AI.
Oh, all the past.
He gave me some good ones he
wanted to know.
Yeah, I don't want you. I don't want you to come with a bunch of super spiritual one.
On a lab.
One adult topics.
Yes. Yeah, he like he had one like a ask them about their favorite movie or book, and how what resonated with them is what he, one of his questions.
Yeah, I can talk about themselves and stuff like that. I like that.
Yeah, so prayers appreciated. Thank you. You're welcome. Have fun.
Thank you. You're welcome Hilda.
Am I unmuted. Okay. Hi. Hi everyone. Good evening.
I'm in the second, I just recently started the second stage here. So I'm fairly new.
I'm not overly excited right now I'm kind of bummed.
I, I did put an ad out.
Excuse me, I went on an upward I think I use upward, and I put I said let me try with that one because I've tried to bumble and I've tried all the other ones for a couple years and I didn't like the, what was what was a different person back then.
So, but I said well let me try upward and see if there's, you know, I mean, anything there so I didn't connect with someone, he was very into church he we quoted scripture left and right he prayed for me I prayed for him we talked about our families,
I mean everything seemed well it was fine. It was exciting exchange pictures.
And then we, he's, he sends me a message saying he's thinking about me and we even made a first date, we were going to, you know, do our first date so our first day was supposed to be Saturday.
And so I think the last time I spoke with him was Friday, and I told him, you know, I gave him two choices I think we can either go to stop and get something to eat here, or we can go to the park and grab some coffee and just walk and talk, because it was, it's been
beautiful weather here in Jersey so I said, let's, let's do that he goes well we can do both. I'm like, Okay.
And then, ever since that. It's been crickets.
And just like that there's no explanation, no nothing.
And I'm like, I just, you know, I came from that I'm kind of mentally exhausted from that and just, I don't know I just, you know, my birthday is on the 24th, and I was hoping that you know we would.
I would have at least a date before then but I mean, you know, I at least I'm not the good thing is at least I'm not feeling like I was feeling on stage one where phase one where when there was rejection or where there was somebody that was an avoidant or, or
someone that just kind of, you know, just ghosted. It was really hard to recover at least I can say proudly that the inner work has worked because it did bother me a lot, but I did, I became a lot more resilient.
And I just spoke with myself and I said, Okay, God, so I guess if this was something you wanted, it just would not it would it would have came through so I'm just gonna answer I just trust that you have something I mean there's gonna be false people out there and I don't know why though.
I'm always the kind of person that gets stuck in analytics like why would you go through all that energy, talk to someone, all this all this all that like I didn't even get to see him yet, and go through all that and I think we're grown people.
I'm 52 I'm like, I'm grown like you're grown like you, you have time.
Right, like, I don't know I barely have time to do this stuff, you know, and so anyway that's where that's where I'm at ebony. So, um, yeah I don't know I don't know what sites to go to. I mean, really, if anybody has feedback on that. And, yeah, just got to keep pressing on.
that happened, that is discouraging.
And it doesn't feel right.
Yeah, and it was like the first,
and it was like, it's really discouraging
because it was the first site that I went to
in my phase two.
This is, I'm starting,
that was the first person I spoke with,
the first site I went to,
the first site I put my profile,
like this was the very first,
I'm like, Lord, what is going on?
There's gotta be a reason.
Did I go to the first?
If this is like, I'm going in phase two,
it's my first, it's like, I don't know.
It's like, it's just the way it happened.
I know.
Well, ladies, if you can drop your favorite site
in the chat, that'd be good.
Somebody just said their first experience,
they got ghosted.
I do wanna share this with you, Hilda.
I think that it's gonna get better.
It always does.
Your experience is not far from many of the experiences
that a lot of ladies have had in here,
including myself.
Online dating is,
it can be challenging and it can be fun.
It's up and flows.
One thing that I wanna tell you,
I wanna help you with it
or set you up for a little bit of success.
So what you wanna do is,
once you start chatting with a person
after the second day,
second or third day,
you wanna date within a week.
You don't need a pen pal.
You don't need a texting buddy.
You wanna date.
Yeah, I did that.
It was after the third conversation.
After the third conversation, you set it up.
What you wanna avoid talking about
is your children praying together.
None of that matters.
You want surface level conversations.
So this, I don't know if you watched the dating one-on-one
or any of the boundaries.
I did.
Yeah, about boundaries and talking about that.
Yeah, I did.
Well, he prayed for me because I was just saying,
I was your man of,
no, because he kept always like,
he would naturally just pray for me.
So I was like,
so I thought that, yeah.
Not accusatory.
Well, I talked to a person one time
and they just prayed
and it was before I could stop them
and it was just like,
I'll let them slide, right?
If I continue to go,
I'll tell them like,
hey, let's just hold off on that.
So I get it, how it can happen,
but I was just giving some pointers.
I don't know exactly how that happened,
but to spare you more like a,
it's all rejection.
It seems like rejection,
but when somebody says,
no, I don't wanna go any further,
that's what he said.
It feels a bite or a sting.
And so I'm trying to take some of the bite
and the sting out of the process.
May still be a little sting,
but something you said
that I thought that was really important,
you was like, well,
Lord, why did you even let all of this happen?
And then you say it,
but I bounced back quicker this time.
And it's important that we see the work that we've done
and how resilient we have become.
Because in marriage,
it's gonna require resilience.
In marriage, it's gonna require bounce back
after you get let down
or after your husband lies to you
or after something happens,
after you feel like what he did
was a betrayal to you.
Even if it was said something
you didn't like in front of somebody,
you're gonna have to learn how to be resilient
and bounce back.
So it's not to,
oh, like it didn't produce anything.
It did produce something and you testified.
You testified to that when you were speaking.
And then another little tip I wanna add too.
A lot of times it's like,
oh Lord, why do you even go through all that?
Why do you even let that happen?
Why didn't you just stop?
I know if you wanted to this,
sometimes that could get a little sticky for us
because Hilda, you are dating.
There're gonna be some men that come along your path
just to serve you growth.
Okay.
And so if they're serving you growth,
you've been served.
And it don't necessarily has to do so much with God,
just like if you get on a conversation
and you talk about emotional things too soon.
And then, and you talk about things,
that doesn't best serve to create
an organic connection too early.
Your emotions get involved too early.
And then when it falls apart,
you go back to God and say,
why did you even let that happen?
He didn't let that happen.
You didn't operate in wisdom.
It had you operating in wisdom,
what you experienced, you wouldn't have experienced.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, that makes sense.
I was, now that you were talking,
like I was,
before we got into the call, I said,
okay, I'm gonna really write down like a series of questions
that will allow me to know more about them.
I want them to be the ones talking.
And so, I mean, this guy was talking.
I he told me I'm a I raised my kids, I, I have three, three
children, each of them, they went to college, they're
teachers, they're this and that. And he's went through the whole
thing. I'm an open book. I'm, you know, I, I liked going to
church, I do this, I do that, that, that, that, that, that,
that, that. And then we're talking and everything. Oh, and
I enjoy this. Oh, I enjoy that, too. And then we went into that
kind of stuff, you know, yeah, in that he, he prayed for for
me on his own. And I said, Well, thank you. That was very nice of
you. And then that was it. And then he's like, Okay, good. Well,
I like what I see. I'd like to, you know, you know, get to, you
know, you know, meet with you and all that. And so and then
that's what I mean, you know, I, I selected a spot and he goes, I
can get to you. There's no problem. Like it was everything
like, check, check, check. But when it's check, check, check
too fast, I think. And you don't have enough information from
that person. I think that then, then I think that's what I need
to walk in wisdom.
I think that well, so let me let me double back when you said we
talked about keys, Matt, when I heard we I thought you meant
like you talked about your kids with him also.
Well, yeah, yeah. So he told me, yeah, like, they just, he had
two kids. I have two kids. That kind of conversation. Yeah,
that's it. Not like,
what else? I didn't want you to think that I was accusing you or
something that you didn't do. But this is what I sense you
cleared that up. This is what I want to say. It is helpful
Hilda to remember that me and most men, and I'm one that I
coach, men will say I'm an open book. Sometimes me and feel like
I'm gonna tell you everything up front so you can make a decision
want to move forward. Why do they do that? Now this guy came
to be a no show. But why do they do it? Because sometimes, a lot
of times men will invest more than women invest because
they're usually paying for things. And so they're kind of
like, let me just get all this stuff up front before I start
spending my money. If she don't want me she can say something
that could be their motive. And it's okay for them to do that.
And so what you put on your notes while you're dating when
they're sharing, say, Oh, thanks for sharing. That's it. And
they said, Well, what about you? Do you have children? You? You
can say you have children? Yes, I have children. And then they
start asking more things that you're not ready to talk about.
Like, what are your past relationships about? Or what are
you looking for here? Say? Oh, that's a great question. Maybe
that's something we can talk about over coffee.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he didn't ask anything deep.
But you say you want to know next time what you can do when
you have questions reading. And so these are things that you can
say because men will overshare.
Okay.
And this is it. And so when that when people overshare, there is
a pressure. I don't know about other people, there's a pressure
to give them something back in return for what they just gave.
And it helps me to have things aligned on standby that I use.
And so the language is sometimes what we're missing. And so we
don't know what to say, we'll just give in and be like, okay,
what I share something, I'm not gonna be like that. I don't
mind sharing. But you're not being like that. You're setting
it up to give you the best success at the end.
Does that make sense? What I'm saying to you?
Yeah, yeah, it makes sense. I guess like it just you really
got to be really savvy with the questions to see and how much
you're sharing how much you're not sharing on the I have to
look at it again. But the when it comes to questions and how
much to share how much not to share. I got to look at that
again. But yeah, I got to have
X AI for some icebreaker first day questions. And that's what
you can talk about. And really, if you can get a date within the
first week, unless the second week that that cuts back how
much time you talk anyway, before you see them.
Yeah, well, I thought I was moving along. I was like, good.
We were connecting and he's he's like, I'm looking for my my
roof and throwing all that, you know, swag. I think he was just
a bunch of swag. But it just make it just kind of like what
why would someone at this point in time of their life this
season, if that's a true, they would just waste people's time
like that. I just I don't see the point of that. But I had I
got over it. But I need to I thought I was doing good
because I was on my it was just my third conversation I was
already moving into. Let's go get some coffee and talk. And
then yeah, so I don't know what happened.
Mindful not to measure if you're doing good by his decision
What do you mean you did do good
His what he did how he responded doesn't determine if you did well or not
And so what happens is when we try to analyze why somebody do what they do like this is the first time you bounce back
But it's gonna happen again. I mean, it's gonna ghost
Yeah, nothing to do with you Hilda you showed up and gave your best self
It is no reflection on you at all it's a reflection on him
Yeah, no, I meant like in the sense that I thought that I asked the right questions
I moved the conversation along into an actual me
I got the information that I felt comfortable with up and that I I needed just
Initially and then I would get to know more on the actual, you know face-to-face
Yeah, and so I thought I I mean like I thought I had
What do you call it screened him enough to get?
Been through like the process and you know in a way that was going to get me
You know the the first meet and then see how they're doing right like so I thought that was done right but
Yeah, I think whatever you did I don't know exactly what you guys talked about it sounds like you did good
I just gave you some tips on how to like bumper proof yourself. Um, I don't think that you do. Well
I just don't want you to hold yourself accountable for a decision that somebody else made
And I just want you to know that it's working
Everything that you did in heart work has to be ironed out and now you're building your muscles
And so they range that things like this happen thinking that's strange when you get ghosted
You get a chance to see that you're resilient that you can handle it
Thinking that's strange and when you get ghosted and you keep replaying in your mind while somebody do this while somebody do this you start
To say hey, I'm so glad they showed me who they were ahead of time. Oh, yeah
But I see
Yeah, yeah, it feels empowering to like just to bounce back like that
Normally I couldn't do that before and it would take me a long time to get over that but and I started getting like
You know self-sabotaging thoughts and stuff like that. So so yeah, so that's a good that's that's what God's showing me
You don't I don't know how you say you have a 50 I can't act I really thought you were like
Probably early 40s. You you're beautiful. Oh, thank you. Thank you
Thank you good, thank you everyone you oh, yeah everyone. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I'm not say you're welcome
I'm like she say everyone. All right. Yep, Joanne. Hey girl
Thank you, hi
Hey, honey, that picture of you is too pretty what picture I feel like I can't even see myself. Oh like my
Your zone. Oh
Well, that's really nice of you. Um
Yeah, it's been a while well actually hasn't been a while that's only
Well, I finally responded to your message I didn't even see it there
I actually I sent you one and didn't get seen and then when you responded back, I never even saw it. Oh
Okay, um, no worries don't worry about it, um, so I have updates
I think I have two dates lined up this week. So that's good
I haven't lined up like the actual time and
Place and date, but it's gonna happen. So I had I had a second date with Tony
He's very sweet. He's such a sweet guy
I think he's such a great friend, but I don't know if it's I'm not feeling I want to be more than friends
But I just appreciate him as a person
So I am willing to go on a third day he just asked me this morning
Do you want to meet up? But I said, yeah, we can so we have to figure out where when it's not stuff
But yeah, I have us I have a couple concerns, of course, right?
Well, he told me he told me like, you know, I mean he's pretty honest and I'm pretty honest, too
he told me like he's I don't even know how it came up, but he basically is
Talking to this girl like he has no interest, but they were set up, but he's not interested
But they like talk every week and like last week they talked like twice a week or something and I was like, okay
Didn't ask more about it because I didn't want to dig right?
So I'm like not really not I'm feeling a little weird about that, but I'm not not I don't know if I'm interested
So I didn't say anything and then every person he told me this in the beginning when we first started chatting
and he told me like, or I don't know if he told me,
but I just found whatever I was.
Okay, so I know that he,
every person he's dated exclusively,
I think there's four girls,
like he broke up with every one of them.
There's, he's never been like broken, like, yeah.
And I asked a little bit why, and I just listened.
I said, oh, okay.
But I'm like, I feel like there's something deeper to it
with like fear of intimacy for him, you know?
So, so those are my thoughts about Tony.
I'm not physically attracted to him,
but he's just a really sweet guy.
Like I want him as my friend.
Uh-oh, you're muted.
I can't hear you.
No, I wasn't trying to talk to you.
I was trying to ask my roommate to give me the charger.
And I realized, even though I'm muted,
you're gonna see my mouth moving.
I'm so sorry.
You have something to say, I need to hear her.
Okay.
Okay, did you want to respond to that?
Or I have another, another-
No, no, actually, because my phone's about to go dead,
the volume keeps dropping.
I'm like, I gotta get my charger right now.
So I muted it, asked my roommate to bring me my charger
because I didn't want to walk away.
And then she said something back and it took my thought.
Tell me what you just said.
He told you that he dated,
he's talked to this person twice,
and you were like, oh, thank you.
And you didn't dig into it.
Oh, well-
Start back right there.
He basically shared like,
he's kept in touch with this girl that
they went on like two or three dates or something,
but he's not interested,
but they like talk every week on the phone.
But then that last week, he talked to her like twice,
like Thursday and Friday night.
And then we met up Saturday and I just was like,
oh, interesting.
I didn't really like it.
But I mean, I don't really have a place to say anything
because it's not like I'm into him
or I'm trying to be exclusive.
So I didn't say anything, right?
But I was like, that's weird.
And then he told me how,
I found out or how somehow in the conversation,
yeah, he's had four relationships and each one of them,
he's broken up with them.
And so I think there's something deeper with intimacy.
I think he's even revealed a little bit about that.
And he even told me,
remember Tony's very honest.
And he said, he's bad at relationships, Joanne.
I'm really bad at relationships.
I'm like, okay, well, what are you doing about it?
And he's like, well, I'm going to therapy and blah, blah.
Like, okay, cool, all right.
And then we had to end the day anyway.
So I just have some concerns, right?
That's why I'm like, I think he's a better friend
than like a relationship consideration, like a romantic.
And I'm not physically attracted to him
or anything like that.
I can grow, but I don't think I can grow with him
with a physical attraction.
That's my scoop on Tony, but do you have any thoughts?
Did you, did she just go away?
I'm here.
Oh, okay, my screen went away.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, somebody said, yikes, do you want a project?
I think that you should just go ahead and let Tony go.
I have not heard you talk one time
and it sounded like you wanted Tony.
I mean, not as like a romantic person.
I feel like he's just such a sweet guy though.
Like he's such a good friend.
Right, well, tell him y'all are just friends
and be done with it.
Okay, to be done.
Oh, I already told him, yes, we can.
All right, we'll see.
We'll see what happens.
Look, now, you better not come back
talking about Tony a month later.
And we already said you about to cut him out.
Can you let me send this?
Cause I just told him, yeah, that's fine.
And then I just told you.
So I feel bad if I were to be like, I don't know.
What did you tell him that y'all could date?
Or, I mean, you told me y'all don't want friendship
or you want to see where it goes romantically.
Oh no, I just said, sure, we can meet up again.
That's all.
But you, there's nothing wrong
with you meeting up with him.
Yeah, I think after the third day,
I just wanted to confirm and maybe tell him in person
if I still feel the same way.
I really enjoyed this.
You're a great friend.
I know like that, you know?
Cause I don't think you are meeting him.
He's such a good person.
Yeah, and I think he knows your heart toward him as well.
I don't think he would think that you misused him.
No, no, he wouldn't think that way.
We've been very honoring.
Yeah, so there's nothing wrong with it.
I thought, I wasn't saying don't meet up with him.
I was saying, I agree with you.
I don't think based on the way you've been sharing
that you're interested in him.
Nah, I'm not.
I'm just trying to be open.
Yeah, okay, cool.
So that's Tony.
And then I met this, well, I haven't met him.
I think it's on some Christian app
and he was pretty direct.
I appreciate it.
He's like, he lives close to me, which is hallelujah.
Like six miles away, praise the Lord.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So, um, we got on a quick phone call because he already basically asked me to this out
to this restaurant.
So he's a foodie.
He cooks.
It's awesome.
And then he suggested, uh, to, to, to go there.
And I said, sure.
Well, let's get on a quick phone call.
Cause I wanted to make sure like I would be okay, like through the phone.
And I was like, he seems like a decent guy.
So, um, but the place is so popular.
So the first opening is two weeks or actually it was two weeks from like last weekend.
So he suggested, well, like yesterday I wasn't doing well, I I'm off still, still feeling
very exhausted, but he suggested, Oh, if you want to, you know, like do some self care,
I can take you out to boba and ice cream.
And I said, no, let's, let's, let's do it, um, this weekend.
So we're going to meet up this weekend and, um, do some, uh, probably get some dessert
or something.
And so I'm excited to meet him.
I don't, I don't know too much about him.
Um, I haven't really talked to him too much.
I know he's highly educated.
He goes to church.
He's very active.
He's incredibly smart.
Um, so yeah, I mean, the only thing is I do feel
a little head.
He did tell me that he's a little, feels a little distant from God.
I'm very charismatic.
He's not, but he didn't seem judgmental or like weirded out by it.
So I was like, okay, well, we'll see.
Um, also, you know, he does martial arts and I kind of feel iffy about martial arts because
it kind of has this weird, you know,
Yeah.
What?
Same pattern.
Just go.
I am.
I'm going on a date with him this weekend, like Friday or Saturday or something.
And stop thinking about martial arts and stop thinking about how close he is with Jesus.
He is not your husband.
He's a man.
You're going to have lunch or something with all he is right now.
That's all you need to know right now that you don't think he's a killer.
You think he's safe to go with.
That's how it matters.
I know he's decent.
I feel he's decent.
I'm telling you, things change.
Not when you develop emotional attachment, but when you get to see people for who they
are, I, some people can be distant from God over one disappointment.
I pray for God to save my mom and he didn't come through.
And when you find out that they're offended with him and they somehow get some healing,
they are a completely different person.
I'm not saying this to him, but these early judgments and nitpicking and pulling apart
and saying, well, if this is this, and this is this, and this, this, and this is this,
I know your brain because I have one of those brains, but you have to stop and see people
for people.
And that's all it is.
Okay.
Greatest investment.
I mean, you can make in you, Joanne.
Okay.
I will.
So I'm, I feel pretty good about these options.
I'm like other decent people.
Okay.
I will.
I will follow your advice.
Um, I have a couple, two people that I'm like talking to that are like very long distancy
and like it was referred by a friend and he's amazing.
Like I felt the presence of God.
Like I think I wrote, I wrote a comment.
I was like, seriously had an encounter with the Lord about like, stop limiting me, Joanne.
Like I can do this for you with all things God, you know, all things are possible.
I hadn't counted.
I didn't tell this Martin guy I didn't count her about my marriage.
That's so freakish.
Right.
Um, but I really feel spiritually like, wow, this guy cares the father's heart and never
heard from him.
But then we were texting here and there.
And then finally he was like, Oh, you want to chat again?
I said, sure.
But he's really bad with texting, like super bad.
Like he'll be like, Oh, it's like a week or two, but it goes by.
He's like, Oh, I'm so sorry.
Um, so it's just like a struggle of finding time with Martin to find time that works for
both of us.
And you know, I don't even know what's going on with him.
I don't know if he's even interested or whatever.
I just figure, dude, I didn't count on with the Lord.
I'd be edified talking to him again.
It's fine.
I don't care.
You know, but I'm kind of like thinking realistically, like if a guy has a hard time even setting
up, you know, like texting or communicating, like just, you know, and he's all the way
in East Coast, like I'm not sure the chances of something happening is very high.
You know what I mean?
But I'm right.
I'm like, still like, Oh, he's a good brother in Christ.
I'm still willing to talk to him, but I don't know.
I feel like guys sometimes or people in general.
They're like after a couple attempts of trying to like schedule they're like, uh
Like I don't know that kind of happened with another person
That um, I started talking to you in florida because I went to florida last weekend
Or two weekends and we were trying to meet up but never happened
And we still texted and we we were supposed to get on facetime yesterday
And he flaked he just was like no, I can't make it anymore
I mean he didn't like yeah
He kind of flaked and that kind of bothers me to be honest because i'm like time is so valuable
Like i'm very busy. I know he's very busy
But to just be like can't make it, you know kind of pissed me off to be honest
Well, yeah, I can see you. Uh being offended by that
I mean, I moved on i'm just like as I moved on i'm not like holding it onto it or anything
It's like no offense whether you hold on to the fence or not
You could feel offended by that you were expecting you were excited you planned
You took out time and this person flaked like don't feel good
If it's your best friend that flake it don't feel good. If it's your mama that flake it don't feel good
It don't matter who it is. It's a little offensive like
Not just if it's a guy
I I get you. I agree with you
Yeah, so i'm like I just I don't know I guess how much effort do I put in to I just say okay
Whenever you're free just if you want to connect you can reach out to me. He's like, okay
So I just hold on to it loosely. I don't know what else i'm just like
I lost stock in it. I think that sorry about this. Um, my
Um, hold up because i'm on my phone a call is coming through let me stop this
Um
Hmm
No, I think that when a person does that if you want to keep them around you just keep them over on the sideline
I think it's important. We learn how to categorize individuals
and let
How they show up let that be something that tells you about
Them now, I don't have to be a negative way. It could have been this was the first experience I had
This is interesting. And so like you said like hey, well whenever you want to meet up again
Reach out to me and i'll see if I have some availability. That's it
Then you set that over to the corner
And you leave it be and be thankful that people show you who they are
And then when they get to come back and show you another person you can accept that too
Because you didn't dwell on it. You didn't make up a scenario about them. You didn't give a script to it
Like oh wow, and I tell people like hey, oh wow, we can't that's disappointing
I was really looking forward to it. So this is how we're gonna move forward
Let me know when you i'll put the ball in your court
Next time you want to you reach out. Let me know and i'll let you know if i'm available
You think it's okay for me to say?
Oh, what a bummer. I was really looking forward to it, especially because we really tried to find a time
You think that's okay to say?
I will say
I
This is a bit disappointing. I was really looking forward to it
That's it
Don't add because we worked so hard to find a time that that's like you're trying to coerce
No, you stated exactly how you feel you had feelings of disappointment
And it's a bummer so
You can give the alternative the ball is in his court he can follow up
But I think it's totally fine to let a person know when you're disappointed by something that happened
There's nothing wrong with it. There's you showing up as you
You don't have to hide who you are in that sense
Okay
Yeah, and let them know that you that's accountability
You let them know when you give your word that means something you don't have to preach a sermon to do that
Okay
And and you recommend like if I were chatting with someone through text
It's okay after a few days to be like, can we get on a phone call?
I think
Good. I don't think that you should spend a week texting someone you've not seen them and you don't know them
I think that
A person when you're getting to know them, they'll have plenty of time to bring reciprocity
This is not the time for you need to pursue me. You need to pursue me. No, no
Reciprocity is a real thing and it happens you are not out here
That's a waste of time and now, you know, I don't agree with waste of time
I do concept overall like in a little nitpick
But that's a waste of time to let somebody draw you out and come text or in an app
for a week
Or two weeks saying you're waiting for them to ask you to coffee. You're wasting your own time
At least if you refuse to ask them for their number or go to coffee you can ghost them
But definitely don't talk to them for two weeks and blame them
Yeah, you you you know, so if you want to talk to a person for two days and you just like hey
I'm enjoy talking to you
But I don't get on this app a lot if you would like to change numbers or grab a cup of coffee
It's your ask. I'll be happy to give you that information
And you would say I mean I can't there these people are long-distance
I could I I just want to get on a video or phone. Yeah
Yeah, I would love to get on the video call with you because it's very challenging for me to talk to a person
I have not seen and I actually refuse to do it. Oh
Wow, okay. Yeah, I don't talk to people. I don't I do not talk to me, but I do not know
I'm not gonna talk to somebody for a week. I have not seen them
That's me, I'm very uncomfortable with it I'm very uncomfortable texting a person that I haven't seen
couple of days before we
42 years old
Well, that's exact. That's exactly the guy who I said, can we get on a FaceTime and we're supposed to yesterday?
It's been two weeks and he loves texting and I'm like, I don't want to text him
Can we get on FaceTime and then he didn't show so like yeah
Well and see if you could have found it out last week because he probably wasn't gonna show last week either and that's why I'm
Saying like you give this amount of time. You can let them know third day like hey, it's been great getting to know you
But I would really like to do a zoom call whatever floats your boat. Go ahead and go for it. You're not gonna lose
And you can't get it wrong. The only thing you do in this phase is learning and it's worth the lesson
And that's not me pursuing that's just be like I want to get to see the real face like a live
Person right? That's not being pursuing
No, it's not being pursuing. Okay
Yeah, go for it. Okay
You got hey
Yeah, look, okay. Yeah, it's a 24 go Stephanie you guess
to 830
Hey
I
Got braids. Yes, my
Hairstylist is going on maternity leave next month. So I needed to hurry up and get some braids. Yeah, it's my birthday month, too
So needed to get a pre-birthday hairstyle. So yeah, it's happy birthday
September babies. So yeah, mine's in
The 25th and that's been really talking to me about really selling into being childlike so I'm going to the Disney retreat
I'm also
For my birthday weekend, I
with the whole
Like bridal activation that Carla did I was struggling with with that which God connected me
Helped me with making the connection that I also was struggling with couldn't with
Celebrating myself, so he challenged me to celebrate my birthday and invite some
girlfriends to do
This painting experience where we get to throw paint against the walls and and just have fun being childlike
So it'll be me and six others. So seven of us total
So yeah, it's it's been a it's been a interesting like fun adventure with God and I was on for worship
On Sunday and one of my friends
I saw her later that day at a birthday party and she said you were so joyful
during worship
So that was just so encouraging for her to say that
Because that's just where
Like as God is unlocking that childlikeness
He's doing that within me and it's like you you don't know that you're conveying something
Outwardly until someone tells you so that was encouraging to hear that
I
Met a man out in the wild which was
interesting
I put it in the chat in the community a little bit
But met him at I went to pick up a prescription and in that same shopping center
at that particular CVS, it's
in
Marina del Rey of California, which is a little more high end of an area and I tend to see a lot of single men
in that
CVS, so I'm like, all right, I'm gonna just take my yeah in the wild
I'm gonna just take my time walking through the aisles. And then afterwards I went to the Panda Express right over there and
I didn't even notice him at first, but he
Noticed me and then as I was leaving he stopped me
And then was chatting me up. He does I do digital marketing
He does digital marketing and he asked me for my phone number
And I went ahead and I'm like, all right, I'll give it to him.
And then that night, he texted me asking me if I wanted to go bowling.
And I'm like, Oh, no, he wanted to go like that night.
And I'm like, no, like I, it was a Thursday too.
I'm like, I have to be up early the next day for work.
But I would, um, and let's, let's figure out another time that we can get together.
So next day, he texted me asking me if we can do dinner.
So I went ahead and said, yes.
Um, that evening.
So partially because I knew that after that, God was putting it on my heart to
just kind of pause communication with men for the remainder of the month because
of the retreat, because of my birthday and really selling into the relationships
of in community of people who are already like cemented in my life.
So I wasn't going to have time to be on a date.
And so, um, went on the date with him.
It was a really nice date date.
I don't think he's for me, but it was a really nice date.
What I learned from the date is one, I can meet a Christian man in the wild.
Um, and, um, the cool thing is that he was, um, he actually said, he's like,
I wanted to bluntly ask you if you're a Christian when, when I first met you,
but I didn't want to like push that, um, like be too forward in that moment.
He's like, but at the worst, I would just like talk about Jesus and
then like, we'd both be on our way.
But we found, um, I organically put it in the conversation because he asked
what I was doing that weekend.
And if I'm on for worship, then it's so much about who I am as
a person on what my plans are.
So I said, oh, I'm on for worship this weekend.
So I'll be at church for practice and then this and prepping for my trip.
So I just kind of kept it at that.
And, um, then that's what prompted him.
He's like, I'm so glad you said that.
I didn't know how to ask you if you're a Christian.
So, um, yeah, so that was, I'm, I'm, I'm glad I followed that
instinct of keeping it in organic conversation.
Um, even in that, um, because in contrast, men who I'm pretty certain
don't have a relationship with God, there was their response whenever I've
said, oh, I'm on for worship this weekend.
It's like, oh, that's what's up.
That's cool that you go to church and stuff.
And it's like, okay, that's a, that's a reply that does not
sound like you go to church.
So, um, yeah, but it was a nice day.
Um, there was some common things, um, that we seem to enjoy, but I think that,
um, after that he became a little flaky.
So he's, um, not really reaching out and stuff, which is fine.
Um, I did challenge myself in like asking God, like, what are the things
that are triggering me about him?
And there are some common things with, um, past relationships and just kind
of some of the bravado that he has that has that and, and so quickly that
are reminiscent of past relationships that I think I need to explore a little
more, but not so much that I wouldn't go on a second date if that did present
itself.
Um, and I'm also trying to just keep it easy on like the fact that I haven't
fully heard from him because even though he, he did kind of push hard and push
for a date after that, he's been slower with communication, which is fine.
That might be his regular communication style.
And he was just the eager beaver in the beginning.
So, but yeah, that's what, so
that's so good.
Stephanie, thank you for sharing.
And you can like, I don't know if y'all picked up on this when she said she has
an organic way of just sliding that in.
I've tried that too.
Like if a guy asked me, so what are you doing this week?
I'm like, well, Wednesday I have prayer church and I'll say that just to throw
that in.
And, and so you always wonder like, well, when do I talk about faith or when do I
see if they know, geez, like this is a question we always get, but you can
organically throw things in.
You can really tell them, you know, how, what do you got planned this weekend?
I had nothing Saturday, but Sunday I look, I'm so excited to be at church.
Um, or I'm going to church and you know, just the regular Sunday.
What do you do on Sundays?
Something like that, you know?
And so that's like a very good way.
Thank you for sharing that.
Um, because that was very helpful and I'm excited for you.
I'm excited for your birthday and I'm excited for everything that God is doing
in your life because honey, you grow fast.
This is like two months ago.
You're like, I don't know about this.
Y'all procrastinating.
Ebony, you're pushing me to go online dating.
you mean people in the wild honey and they christians because that's what everybody always
says and everybody always say me and my friends like when we go out we're gonna go home depot
how do we know if he's a christian like could we should we just say hey are you a believer
in christ jesus and it's like how do you say that to somebody because i think that's the
safety we feel that online dating because at least in online dating you see their profile
they tell you what they like at least they mark if they're a believer or not and that's one of
the benefits you get from online dating versus when you meet somebody in the wild um you have
to figure it like you have to ask them but it's nothing wrong with me the person in the wild but
that's that's so interesting so thank you for sharing because that is always a hurdle for
me too it's like i want to talk to him but i don't even know if he know jesus
so but the classified christians the one who check the mark they have not proven themselves to be
exactly actual like walking believers right that is that relationship with christ so
that's so true that's so true well at least where i've met so far
oh no no it's true you have to you have to what you have to watch for fruit we're fruit inspectors
so ladies it was so good talking to all y'all we did a little better with time tonight i'm
so happy to see so suficio and alicia and michelle is hanging in there and anita and
i just want to shout out y'all heather and uh laura and kim i just want y'all to know i see
you both laura and lauren i miss you and laurie i miss you lydia this is my first time seeing you
hey stephanie and hey hey tommy i don't think i know you if i do i don't know i do but it's so
heavy and my is it makia from nyc i never get a chance to talk to you but i'm always so happy
that you're here and so uh ladies it has been a pleasure and jody good to see you too and i look
forward to seeing you guys again on tv so i'm about to say something michelle yes i'll share
next time oh okay all right thank you you're welcome ladies have a good night good night
everyone thank you thank you good night thank you good night bye everybody good night
you