So, Stephanie, I heard that you were coming to wish me goodbye, I just can't take it.
Let us pray.
Father God, we thank you for your goodness, your kindness, your love and tender mercies.
You have been so faithful to us today, oh God.
And so we just thank you.
We thank you that you touched us with your finger of love this morning.
You open up our eyes and I can look at these ladies and see that their faces are smiling.
So no matter what came their way today, it did not take them out.
And so for that, we say thank you.
We thank you for this journey that we get to take with you.
We could have took a lot of journeys with you, but we get to take our love story with
you.
What better person than the one who knows all, sees all, and is the best matchmaker
there ever will be.
And so we're just excited.
We thank you for wisdom tonight.
We thank you for kingdom solutions.
We thank you, Lord God, for the solution that deal with the root of the heart.
In Jesus name, amen.
Amen.
Is there anyone new tonight?
Your first time?
Yeah?
Yes.
Well, I joined, actually, I did jump into Carla's last week and I tried to jump into
yours, but it's my first time with you, so it's my second call.
Yeah.
Awesome.
I see, well, I talk with you on the wall a lot, and so it's just so good to see you tonight.
It is good to see you.
It's my daytime still, and it's my work time, but I'm like, I've got to make this work somehow.
Oh, that's so awesome.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I feel so honored.
Wow.
Same, same.
Yeah.
Hey, Sarah.
Hi there.
Hey there.
Have I responded to any of your posts before?
No, I literally just moved over from last year's single or the artwork this weekend,
so-
Oh, okay.
Brand new.
Okay.
Well, it's so good to have you.
I'm Ebony.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, nice to meet you also.
I am just a little bit about myself for anyone else who's new, your first time.
I get to be a third grade teacher in this season of my life.
I teach reading and English.
I joined this program.
It was called Married in 12 Months or Less when I joined it, so probably about every
night, every time I talk about it, I change the year because I think that I'm aging of
some sorts.
I think that was about three and a half years ago I was in the program, and maybe four.
Jackie was my coach, and so I'm so happy that I get to do this with you all.
It's exciting for me.
And so, yeah, I live in Austin, Texas.
I'm from Mississippi.
That's where I lived my whole life there, and then I moved here to Texas.
Aubrey!
Hey, my Aubrey.
Put your hand up.
I need to do a heart check with you.
Okay, ladies, we're going to jump right in.
It's 7.04 because I want us to stay on time.
We're always on task, and so let's keep going.
For any of our new people started, I know I said we were going to get started.
Any questions?
You know this.
You have the seven-day challenge.
You do not, ladies, and I want to tell y'all this.
You don't have to complete your seven days before you go to phase three.
When you've done about four to five weeks in this phase, and you want to transition
to phase three, go for it.
It is not a thing, you know, sometimes we may think, well, I may go to phase three,
and I'm not ready for phase three.
That's not true.
You'll have, you have, phase two is a smaller pool of community, and so you have
more interaction naturally because we're smaller than when you get into last year's
single, which is what you call phase three.
It's just a lot more, but it's really good, excellent coaches.
Your coaching that you get to do, the love seats and all those things are wonderful
and they're fun, and so I just want you to know that you're going to continue
your journey when you get there.
Everything you haven't learned, when God is the author of your love story,
he is working to increase your capacity, to extend your tent pegs,
to stretch you out so that you'll have the capacity for what he has for you.
So when you say, heaven, I want to partner with you for my mate,
it's not going to look like what you've done in the past,
and I know we love the oohs and ahs, and all of a sudden,
it's just supernaturally that happened, but there are other things
that come along with it.
He's like, you want heaven's best?
Well, I got to now transform you into what best attracts, right?
And so he begins the work.
working us. And so even when you transition to phase three, he's going to still be doing the
work in you. Phase three is phase three co-ed. Phase three is not co-ed in like where you post
it, but it is co-ed in a lot of your meetings. So yes, but not like, you know how we go into
the app and post on our wall, it's just females in there. There are no men in there in that sense.
And so you'll see the men in like love seeds, different things like that in group stuff.
Yeah. Anything else? And don't let the seven dates scare you, but please, it's like taking
a bull by the horn. I want you to grab that horn and I want you to ride that thing out
because it's fun. I know that sounded a little aggressive there, but it was so much fun. Phase
of them all. Dating. Well, it wasn't phase one, phase two, phase three that way then,
but dating was one of the scariest things I ever did. One of the things that had all the
excuses in the world why God didn't call me to it. And it was all out of fear of rejection and
why shouldn't I have to do, and somebody should pursue me. Everything y'all say,
I already said it and did it. And Jack is like, just go on the date. So yes, Sarah,
you unmuted yourself. Yeah. Now I haven't gone through everything in the course yet
since I just moved over, but I was wondering how long phase two is, like if there's a recommended
timeframe and then how, I was going to ask about how long you have for the seven date challenge.
You said that you can take it into phase three, but anyway, those are my main questions.
Yeah. So phase two is four to five weeks, because that's about, they encourage you to do
one, some smoke in the house from cooking, sorry. One video a week, so that you can just take the
information in. When you come to coaching, you don't have to have watched a video. We're not
going to talk about it. We may talk about some aspects from the coaching, from the videos,
but we usually just work through the things that are being brought to the table. And phase two is
not, when you're in this coaching session, it's not just about dating. It's about you as an overall
person, because whatever you are dealing with in dating, it's really tied to your heart.
It's tied to you. And so you don't have to have had a date or somebody, a hook, somebody on the
line to be in this session. It's all about, it could be about work. It could be about
relationships. It's really about you. So yeah. And if you get to the four or five weeks and you're
not ready to go to phase three, there are a lot of people who have been in here for a really long
time. Sometimes we have to nudge and say, let's go, but it's up to you. It's what you're comfortable
with. So is that it? Any other questions? Okay. Sounds good. All right. Go for it, Vern.
Okay. I found it. Hey, Emily. Hey. Well, I want to tell you what I got going on now.
Okay. Well, you know, I've been telling you ever since I've been here, you know, I've been talking
to people, talking to people, talking to people and haven't, haven't actually gotten a date at
that particular time. Well, um, I have been on, um, Christian Cupid and Christian Cupid can be
overwhelming sometimes because you just get so many people just sending stuff. And I was just
overwhelmed with that. But when I was thinking I was going to stop looking in there for a while,
cause I did, once I started my new job, I couldn't really go in there, but I had a guy that, um,
had sent me a message. And, um, so we've been having some conversations, getting acquainted
and everything. And, um, and we've been talking, this is going on like the second,
second week. And we've been talking like every day. And, um, I like the company. We both like
each other company. We've been talking about some things that we both, um, have in common.
And one of them is that he is, uh, he, he is a Christian and the things that he had been saying
have been...
Say, when I say adding up, I'm talking about in reference to, I mean, where I've
journaled in my book and wrote down what I'm looking for in all of that.
So those things have been playing out, but I was like, boy, you're moving
too fast, you need to slow down.
And he just told me like, from the beginning, he was like, um, I'm just
gonna let you know now that I am looking, but I want, I want a wife.
I'm looking for a wife.
And, uh, and he said, I know that, uh, we have to get to know
each other and go through all of that.
I'm not trying to rush.
I'm not rushing you into anything.
I want us to take our time and, you know, and do this.
And Gar, so we've been talking and he's been asking a lot of questions
and talking about a lot of things.
And, uh, so I just wanted to say that, but, but he doesn't
live here and, um, he's planning a trip so he can come to see me.
Um, he said he wanted to just November.
I think we said either between October and November, we needed to do a, do a
visit, but other than that, we've been talking and so I told him like, um,
he's a, he's a winner and, um, he actually have a daughter, um, the wife
and the, he said the wife and the son died in an accident.
So I did go through, I know the thing I have to say to Ebony is that I usually
it's like, Holy spirit, I'm always waiting for him to tell me like, no,
it's a no, like, you know, listening out for those things.
And, um, I know that people will say one thing and all of that and you
listening, but I'm also listening to Holy spirit and I'm not moving fast.
And I did tell him that, that, um, I'm moving slow about it because
I want to make sure that we are.
But he does have a lot of the things that I, well, most of
them that I have on, on my list.
Um, and the only thing that I was saying that I would have, what I
wanted, I wanted to see, I want to be able to see him a little earlier,
but he's also working on, on some things too.
So I said, as long as we're talking and we're communicating and, and everything.
So, so far it's, uh, it's been great.
I missed the class last week because we usually have a conversation between
eight and nine, we usually have a conversation and, uh, so that's
why I had my hand up for class.
Yeah.
Oh, cause you got to talk to your man tonight, honey.
Byron, do y'all do any video dates, um, a zoom one, we did just to see each other.
Yeah.
And so I, oh, go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
I, I want to encourage you to do more because it's going to be a
while before y'all see each other.
And so, yes, I did tell him that because, um, I have, well, I don't have an iPhone.
I have an Android and I know you can do something on the, I just don't know.
I always know how to use the phones, but we did a, did a zoom.
And then, um, I have an iPad and it's Apple and he say he was going to get one
compatible to that so we can see each other so we can see each other that way.
But is he on Facebook?
No.
Yeah.
On the social media.
Okay.
Um, but you can do Google meets.
Um, you can do duo.
Oh, Google meets.
All right.
Is it Google meets y'all?
Am I getting confused?
Is it meets?
Yeah.
Meets.
You said duo?
Okay.
And duo.
Yes.
Okay.
And I would, I will, um, talk to, I will, I'll be talking to him later because
he's always sending me a text and asking me questions.
He asked me what was my ambitions the other day and the day he was saying
that, um, I want to know what it looks like in reference to, you know, like
marriage, what does that look like for you?
And he always tell me his side upfront when he's asking questions.
And then I'll, or I'll send him a question and he asked me back.
So sometime through the day, he'll send me a message and everything.
So, so far it's been, so far it's been going well, we've been enjoying
each other's company and everything.
So I, I, I haven't said a no anything yet.
So, so far it's been been yes.
So I haven't said a no on anything.
And, uh, I just told him, you don't need to, we don't have to rush.
But he was like, I know what I want.
I know what I'm, you know, what he's looking for and everything.
And, uh, and I was like, well.
of with us getting to taking our time and getting to know each other,
then you know it's gonna all work. I say it's gonna
it will work out if it's supposed to work out. Yeah that's a good message.
Yeah I told him if it you know it's if it's supposed to work out
then we both would know and then if it doesn't work out we just gracefully
just go our separate ways but so far it's been
been very it's been well. Well good keep keep us updated. I'm excited for you
I'm excited too so I thought I wanted to tell you that and then I heard you
talking about phase three and I was like uh I was trying to get a
date over here before I go to get a date
before before I go anything and then I know Jackie sent something
earlier today an email and uh I have to go back and look at it but
she was it looks like it's gonna be a great blog it's a blog that she sent I
was that that I started looking at but I was
working couldn't finish it but I just wanted to tell you that
and to say I gotta um finish up some work here
okay before we do our call. I'm listening to everybody else for a few
minutes. Okay all right have fun Byrne. Okay all
right thanks. All right come on D.
Hello okay okay right well thank you again
just to let you know I was in this um I was in married
m12m the same time as you and maybe that's
maybe that's why I feel familiar but I don't know but just to let you know I
wasn't ready then I just want to tell the ladies I wasn't
ready but I'm ready now what a difference night and day like I ran
away like no and I'm ready let's go
okay so I'm back okay so um I I am really enjoying this I am really
enjoying this I am like whoa who are you anyway
um as you've seen my chats um there are two
I mean I'm I'm my biggest concern is to make sure I'm talking to many because
typically I'm that monogamous even when I'm
like one person we click and next thing you know
you know we're together and um um you know not that we're doing stuff
and all of that but I always you know I don't not doing that in this season
right I want to date for discovery it's a new day a new season so where we
are is I am dating this person which he's just asked me out on our third
date you've probably seen I really like him but I'm still I'm still
being detached I'm being sensibly just detached you know I really want to
and talking to many different it's amazing like night and day like when you
do the heart work like before it was like there's five people there's no one
you know and now the islands are filled with it's raining
literally I'm just like what is going on Jesus like come on
but um anyway sorry so this one person he's the absolute
if I were I know again I'm not getting attached I promise you I'm not sitting
here dreaming about him or anything like that
he's he's he's very attached to it he appears to be very attached
to me it's nice and I'm still not getting like
I'm not allowing it to you know sway me if that makes sense I'm really taking
your training on board like it's game changing what I'm trying to get to
is the issue I'm having right now is that um
he he appreciates he's an entrepreneur as well he appreciates how busy I am like
I mean I don't use the term busy he appreciates how full my schedule is and
I've got a lot happening um and he is he just said he basically
texted that he would love to um me to give him
my availability so that he can figure out things and
just suggest them to me he really wants to see me all the time like he's so keen
and I've got I'm not it's not red flags with him because he seems really
legit but in the past I'm remembering you know the ones that were just so
into me you know pedestal which is unhealthy we know
um however he's a real man like he's a man like he's the man
he's the one who's I mean he's the he's the type that I've always
that's my standard and I my standards are not low
right and but I haven't asked for it because I'm dating to
discover and here he is right being the man
and I am loving it we went dancing on Sunday
well it was an event open air and there was dancing involved we both love to
dance but he like loves to dance and it was just so really nice but my
point is anyway how do I get to the point otherwise I'll keep
how I would like to respond and I almost sent him like
because it's really difficult for me to even find free time right now like I'm
making the time because it's important to me
to date however it's a busy season with my
business and so I just love some guidance on how to respond how to
provide him availability without you know here's my entire schedule I
don't feel comfortable with that you know like
I've spotted a few
and I promised that I would get back to him,
but I haven't yet because I'm just like,
I don't like that.
I don't like the fact that I want to give him,
he would like, not that I'm going to give it,
but you know, every free space that I have,
which is very few.
And so I just love your insight into how to approach that.
I mean, I thought just pick one and two or two
and just send it, you know, and that's what I'm thinking,
but I'd love your guidance on that.
And then the other one is about Mr. Long Distance.
So he's been, it's incredible.
So we had really nice talks at the very beginning.
He was the first person I connected with
in this new season of D, in this new me, right?
Where it was flowing, I was just messaging back
and nothing, you know,
but then when you guys were saying on your calls,
I'm so glad I've watched these calls,
like don't let it go past, you know, a long time.
I realized, wait, we've been texting back and forth
for three, four weeks, like what's going on, you know?
So that's when I got that message to him about,
I want to see you, video call.
And so where we are, he's been responsive.
He's been really accommodating, like he's a fireman.
So he's explaining, you know, I'm back at work this time,
that, anyway, what happened yesterday
is I misread his availability
and I stated I'm available on this time
and it actually was the day he's going back.
So where we are now is, I said,
and he said, I'm open to it, just know though,
there might be an emergency and I might not be around.
He's been really nice about it.
I think he thinks I might think he's not real
if he's not available, but whatever it is.
So I just, I would just love some,
maybe it's just, I'm a bit nervous.
I don't know why I'm nervous, not nervous,
but a bit like, I feel like I've made it a bigger deal
than it should have.
Well, it's become a bigger thing than it should have been
because it's like setting it up for a video call,
like I need to see you.
It's not like I made it like that,
but I feel like now I've set something that, you know,
I would just love some coaching on that.
Am I making any sense?
It's going to happen tomorrow, by the way.
And if there's no, barring any emergencies,
but I also let him know, look, if it doesn't happen,
you know, we can set up another time.
It's okay.
But he's been like, no, no, let's meet.
Let's go for Wednesday.
And I'm just like, whoa.
Cause I was trying to kind of give him, let him know.
I'm not, I'm not crazy.
Like, you know, we have to meet on Wednesday.
If you're not free, you're not free,
but he's still like, no, let's try.
If you're open to it and see how it goes, you know,
if I'm not available, as long as you understand.
So yeah, I'll be quiet now.
Yeah.
So let me answer the first one.
Cause I wrote that down.
Just give him the time that you want to give him.
And he likes you.
And so it feels like to you,
like you want every little bit of time I got,
but only you know what your time is like.
So the pressure that you feel,
even though the words come out of his mouth,
you're the one in control.
So you don't have to feel pressure.
And so let's say you looked at your account and he's like,
oh, I got three Saturdays open.
Well, one of those Saturdays is for me.
So that's my Saturday to do whatever I want to do.
It's just an example.
Oh, I know what Saturday I'll give him.
I'll give him these two options.
And then I'll give this time.
Right?
And so I think the idea you had was just give him
what you want him to choose from.
He probably feels that it's easier for you
to just give him your availability
and maybe he's more flexible and he'll work around your time.
That's what he's saying.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what it is though.
It's the, what am I trying to say?
It's the imminence of it.
It's not, so it's not like spread out over weeks.
It's like this week.
And usually I pace my, even my own week,
if that makes sense.
I do want to see him.
I've got limited time.
So the times, you know, like next weekend, whatever,
I'm not available.
And all I have now is like tomorrow and the evening after.
And for me, that's too soon.
I don't know if that's me creating barriers,
but.
Well, when's the last time you saw him?
Sunday.
So, so far we've seen each other once a week, each week.
And he, he has wanted to see me more
and I was not available and I'm okay with that.
And he's not, he's not pressuring me.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know if it's because I like, I can,
I feel like I'm starting to like him
and which is why I have this urgency
about meeting other people
because I don't want to start being, you know,
like focusing on only him and, you know.
Well, that's because you're spending
a great deal of time with him.
So if you're seeing him once a week
and then if you're getting to chat with him,
then you're spending more time with him
because you're spending more time with him.
You're more inclined unless you didn't like him.
So now you'll be a little bit more inclined
to like him a little bit more.
And so you may be feeling that,
but you just adjust it and you, you know,
you can always say we've been seeing each other
every once a week, which has been really good.
I enjoy your company.
I'm not having availability this week.
So it looks like the next time will be a couple of weeks.
So you can re, you can reset the pace
without even talking about resetting the pace
by just changing the system.
And then that'll be very helpful.
So he won't get.
used to seeing you every week.
This thing, like I know she'll have some time during the week.
And if you do over-communicate your calendar,
you may have a pressure within you
if you over-communicated to give him the time
that you over-communicated.
It may not be your language to pull back
after you've given it out.
Like, hey, I can do this.
And you realize maybe I wanted that time for myself.
And sometimes our muscles aren't strong enough to communicate,
like, give me that back.
I'm not sure.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, yeah.
So if you just give, I agree with you,
give him what you want him to choose from.
Yeah, OK.
Yeah, and then so for this other guy,
one of the things that you could be experiencing
is that y'all went so long before y'all did talking,
you thought it was just a goner.
Like, you really didn't have much hope.
And then he comes back strong, like, oh, I want to do this.
I want to do that.
And so then it's the juggle of time.
Well, we can't see each other.
We can't talk now.
Oh, let's talk here.
It creates an anticipation or excitement.
So you're rearranging things.
Also, when you realize he's a firefighter
and you do have to rearrange things, right?
So you got this other guy who's like,
just give me your calendar out.
I'm going to arrange my life to fit yours.
And then you got the firefighter where you have to arrange things
also to talk with him.
You created this excitement around it.
It's just by the natural process that is happening.
It's nothing either one of you did,
but it's the not being able to get in touch with each other.
You know what I'm saying?
The long time, and then he came back,
surprisingly, to both of us, different.
Yeah.
If you like him, he's still somewhat of a mystery to you.
And so this is just kind of the early part
about he's still somewhat of a mystery.
So you haven't quite figured him out just yet.
And so you could be sensing some of that.
And so if you feel like you could be sensing some of that,
it's completely fine.
It's just being able to recognize what you're feeling.
You guys, that's a big deal
when you can recognize what you're feeling.
Because sometimes we can feel things
and we can assign it in places that it shouldn't be assigned.
But when you find out it's like,
oh, I'm so crazy about this man,
because the first two weeks chemistry
does all the work for you.
Have you met somebody?
And it's like, oh my goodness,
they're amazing, they're perfect.
We can talk all night and you stay up all night talking.
You say you're not going to do it the next day,
then you do it over again.
And then you could believe like,
this is something special on this.
Or it could be you found somebody you like
and it's the first two weeks
and nature's just doing all the work for you.
And if you just give it some time,
you're going to find that everything is going to mellow out.
Yeah.
That make sense?
It makes sense.
And I'm trying,
no, thank you for that.
I also didn't really,
Mr. Long Distance,
I wasn't into him.
I was really doing this,
I was literally following the assignment,
like date for discovery.
Don't think, just date for discovery,
just start the process.
And then I was kind of running it in my brain,
like the last day or so.
And just like, how do I feel?
Because I'm starting to feel something for this other one,
but I don't know if I really do
because I'm dating for discovery,
but he's the man, man, man, man.
And I'm just like, you know, anyway.
So I'm just like, how do I feel about this one?
And actually I quite like it.
And just comparing the two,
not comparing,
but just thinking about how the different dynamics
are within both.
That was interesting.
It was like, I like that that's happening
and I like that that's not happening.
And so it's just all of that.
Is that part of what you mean, just?
It's, oh, and the thing about this,
that's the beauty of when you talk to multiple people.
And so if you have the capacity,
everybody doesn't have the capacity
for what I'm about to say.
This is not me telling you, this is what you should do.
I am telling you what I did.
I always, I don't do it now,
but I always dated three at a time.
And the best always rises to the top.
The lowest one falls out.
He's X'd out.
Another one comes into the picture
and there's this rotation.
So what does the highest one at the top get?
The highest one at the top gets the first peak of my time
because this one I really like.
And so I had something to compare to.
And so, and it also helped me at the time when I was dating,
I was more anxiously attached.
I had a tendency to attach that way.
And dating three people at one time helped balance me.
And so of course, everybody, when I dated three people,
couldn't get the same amount of time.
They weren't supposed to.
I never tried to do that.
And I had it actually very planned out with the schedule
and who would talk what day.
And so talking to multiple people helps with that.
But everybody didn't get the same amount of injury
or the same amount of time.
But, and so it's just some juggling and it's okay.
that you compare is good to compare because it's helping you understand what you truly do enjoy.
Yeah, thank you. That's what I need. That's exactly what I'm after. And what you just
explained really helped me about the way you did it, because it's never been the norm for me. And
I want that. That's what I want. I want to date more than one so that I can really grow. And
yeah, it's perfect. Thank you. Thank you.
Yeah, you're welcome. I'm so happy you joined us tonight, Dee.
Thank you.
H.K. Is your name Holly?
Are you there, H.K.?
All right. Let's go, Patty.
Yes, Ebony, were you telling me to go ahead?
Yep, yep. I don't know if H.K. disconnected or what happened.
Okay. Well, this is for, not for right now, but maybe someday in the future,
I'll meet a nice Christian gentleman who will ask for my phone number.
And I know that you...
Of course. That's the only way you're going to get married. So we know that's going to happen.
So I know that you coach to get a Google voice number. And I understand more about that now
because I Googled my own cell phone number, and it shows you quite a lot of information
about the person. Okay. So I might, I might have to go with another brand like TextNow or whatever.
But the two questions I have are,
what have, like, I know you encourage voice, video calls, especially if you meet somebody on an app.
But how do you do that with a, with a TextNow number or something? Because I looked it up and
it looks like they, like WhatsApp, because I have an Android, right? So I can do FaceTime,
but I could do WhatsApp. But they say that WhatsApp sometimes doesn't allow you to register
that VOIP, whatever the special numbers that the, like, TextNow numbers. So I don't know if you've...
Yeah. So do you have social? Do you have Facebook?
Oh, man. I don't know if I'm breaking up.
You have Facebook, so you can use Messenger.
I could do Messenger. Yeah.
You could do Messenger. You can do Zoom. You just send them the link.
Oh, I could do Zoom with a...
You can do Google Meet. It's just a link to their email or even to their phone. It doesn't
matter where you send it. And you can do Duo. Oh, Duo will be a phone. Yeah. So...
Okay. We'll try Zoom and Google Meet.
And, you know, on Facebook, you can do Messenger without being someone's friend.
Okay. And then there's a... Okay. Okay. That's true. Okay. And then the other thing was how...
Have you ever wanted to tell a person you're on real phone number? What do you say?
You're... Hold up. You're going in and out. I don't know what you're saying.
I'm saying that let's say I give the person my Text Now number, right? Or my Google Voice number.
And then the relationship develops and everything is going well. And I want to give them my real
phone number. Then how do I explain that I... The other number?
Yeah. You can explain it to them early on if you want. You can say,
hey, this is my Text Now number. It's not my number.
I like to get to know a person before I give them my personal information.
That is completely understandable. Then... Oh, so you say that up front.
Oh, okay. If you wanted to,
like if you started liking them, you could just tell them like, hey, this is my Text Now number,
or you could tell them later. But one, you are a woman and you have to protect yourself.
So this is understandable. And it's like...
That's the thing.
Yeah. You don't trust me. I don't know you.
Yeah, that's the thing.
But anybody would...
anybody in any type of sense understands that. Yeah, you should just, yeah, explain to them
like, hey, yeah, I think it's, I'm enjoying getting to know you. I would like to give you
my real number. The number that you have been is the text now number. And that's what I use
while I'm dating. And yeah. Okay. Thank you. All right. You're going to be red,
honey, when he call you, you go ahead and number ready to roll.
Yeah. Oh, man, Patty is breaking up. Okay. Um, uh, Joanne, tell us about your date.
It just fancy fancy place. Oh, um, yeah, it was good. I actually went on two dates with him
because, um, Saturday that the reservations, um, he made like two, two weeks ago. So he needed to
book the reservations like way in advance. Um, so it was like, you know, I dressed up, I shared it.
And, um, yeah, it was just interesting because we're like a completely opposite personalities.
I know he's super Taiwanese. I mean, my parents are from Taiwan. So his way of expressing love
is super acts of service and food and gifts. So he's lavishing like food on palm food and
like, so stuff. I'm like, dude, if I'm going to be this guy, I'm going to gain weight. Cause then
after we had like this five, six course meal, then you want to give me boba and then like popcorn
chicken. I'm like, dude, I cannot like, this is too bad. And this was very sweet of him. But I
food, like he knows it. And then he did share about his spiritual walk, which I've been praying
for. Cause I'm like, I need a guy who has a real relationship with the Lord, but he's very shy about
praying and like sharing his faith. Cause he doesn't feel he's a really good witness. And so
I encouraged him and stuff. So, I mean, I had a decent time. Um, I was very thankful for like
the food I got. It was so good. He kept on saying, do you like this? Do you like this? Take a picture,
take a picture. Okay. So I did. And, um, yeah, but then I was like, that's so interesting. I was
listening most of the time. He didn't really ask me that many questions. I think I tend to be a
little interviewee. Um, I admit, and I did, I kind of did, I broke some of the rules he told me not
to do. I did tell him like, I don't really like sarcasm. Cause he said some things that I'm like,
that sounds mean, but I know he didn't mean it like that. I was just more like, I don't really
like that. But what I do like about him is that he adjusts a bit. Like he, I think he's sensitive
to my feedback. Um, and he tries. So, and then last night we went ax throw. Well, no, we went
to dinner again. And then here we go again, like all this food, um, just like, I feel like I'm
always trying to digest my food, you know, like, cause then we had Korean food and then we went
ax throwing and, um, that was fine. It was just, oh yeah. And then I found out the reason why he
doesn't ask questions is because like he thinks Taiwanese women, um, like think it would be
pushy to like too nosy to ask questions. And I said, I'm really not that Taiwanese. I was born
raised here. Like he's the Taiwanese guy is he, he came here when he's 14. So he's like,
and I told him if it feels like when someone doesn't ask me a question, I don't really feel
careful. He's like, that's not true. And I'm like, I totally believe you. And then, so he started
asking me questions more like really meaningful questions, like really deep questions. And I was
like, wow, this is kind of cool. Um, but yeah, my, my, my concern is just like, I don't know.
Our personalities are so opposite. I'm an NF, like I'm an ENF, like PJ, it's like a Myers-Briggs
and he's complete opposite of everything. He's like very logical, practical. He's not very
verbally firming. Um, I don't even know if he's physically affectionate. Like, I don't, I don't
know. I don't feel like romantic feelings, but I feel like he's like such a, he's a really good guy.
Like he has his, owns his five bedroom house, you know, he's always like paying for everything,
taking care of everything. But then like emotionally, spiritually, I just don't know
for like totally compatible. And then, um, and then like, uh, oh, so then afterwards he always,
you know, after the day he'll always be like, oh, um, you know, text me when we get home,
which is really nice. So I do. And, um, and then we'll text a little bit and I was sort of
hinting at him, like,
I can't wait to go to these fall activities,
hoping that he would be like, oh, do you want to go?
You know what I mean?
And he didn't.
I was like, what do I do?
Should I say?
I mean, I don't have feelings, but I
do think he's really worth getting to know.
Because he's very different than the type of person
that I would date.
And the people I've dated haven't worked out, right?
So I'm like, I feel like he's a really good guy.
So I mean, I totally would be open to going on another date,
other than the other reservation he
made, like two weeks out for another fancy restaurant.
So yeah, that's my update.
But then what do you think about the,
should I just be direct with him?
Be like, let's go together, or something,
to this event that I was saying this would be,
I want to go to this.
And then he's like, oh, that looks fun.
And I'm like, hello, why are you asking me
like, let's go do this.
So I'm like, I don't know.
This is where I'm like, I feel I'm doing around.
And I don't know if I, I don't know.
Yes, that's my question.
So I'm glad you had a good time.
You know, you don't have to have romantic feelings.
You don't know him.
You don't have to be opposites do attract.
If that's the commit you said you wanted to take back,
you don't have to take that back.
You're not looking for another you, Joanne.
It's not, God is not giving you a replica of you.
Okay.
And so we have to remember that
when someone comes into our life,
and I'm not saying this is your spouse,
but you have to bear in mind
that we carry something that they need
and they carry something that we need.
And if we keep our eyes in a sense, a state of,
they are not like me.
Of course, they're not like you.
They're not you.
This idea that I get a replica of me is costly
because it can't, you're going to get to know him
because you're wise that way, right?
So you're going to override those things,
but this is just a really good teachable moment, you guys,
that nobody's supposed to be just like you.
There are foundational things that are non-negotiable.
Those foundational things,
depending on where you are in your journey with Christ,
some people it's different levels.
Some people, as long as you go to church,
I'm good with that.
And there's nothing wrong with it.
That's who you are.
That's where you are.
Then some people, if you're in leadership and ministry,
like every different level calls for something different,
but there is foundation.
They have to be mature.
They have to be marriage-minded
and they have to be masculine.
That doesn't change.
This has nothing to do with,
you have to be compatible in that way, right?
You have to have someone that is going to be
in the masculine order in the home
as you operate in your feminine order.
Those are non-negotiables.
But other than that, you have to,
I don't know if you've ever heard of,
oh, you're not in third year,
but if you've ever, Jackie and David are,
if you know Jackie's husband, David,
they are a lot different,
but he is steady and solid.
And Jackie is, Jackie, she's very charismatic
and they're different.
Most people I know that are married are different.
They are not the same.
And so I just want to kind of tap on that a little bit.
And so I think that getting to know him
would be really good for you.
I forgot what question you just asked me,
but I don't want to forget this question for you.
Ask me about abstinence and when do you talk about that?
And you guys, the talk with the person
that I'm not going to have sex before I get married
is not like at the top of your to-do list.
You know, you don't have to clear the way
for something like that.
That's going to come up when somebody,
when a man wants to kiss you.
Men are visual.
When they see a pretty woman,
they start getting to want to know a woman,
they may want to kiss you.
And then you get to say, hey, not in this stage,
but maybe one day when we get there, we can,
or whatever you want, however you want to respond to it.
Right?
There's going to come a time
that you have to have a discussion about these things.
And sometimes we're like, well, I don't want to get too far
and I really like them.
And then all of a sudden when I say that,
they don't like me back.
You're going to know if you're dealing with an honorable man.
It won't take long to figure that out.
You're God defended.
There are going to be things that come up.
If a man says he's righteous,
you're going to know if he's really righteous or not.
You just give it time because men are visual.
You're going to know if a man operates in self-discipline,
if he's able to discipline himself.
Just like he's going to know about you
if you're able to discipline yourself.
Or as soon as you get a chance to get hemmed up,
you operate out of not being disciplined.
You're disciplined.
no different than the man, right?
So he's gonna get a chance to see how disciplined you are.
He's gonna get a chance to see how you hold to your word,
to your standards and about who you are
and the same thing for him.
And so the conversation about abstinence
is gonna have its time and its space.
It does not-
I asked him, Ebony.
Yeah, but I'm glad, it's fine that you asked him
because you guys, when you're talking to a person,
you have the right to operate however you choose to operate.
And I don't ever want y'all to think,
oh, because I did it, it wasn't my move.
It's not wisdom.
It really could not be wisdom,
but that's who you are and where you are.
And don't make it a bad place.
It's just who you are and where you are
and that's what makes you feel safe.
And you're not willing to override
that safety mechanism for you for something else.
That's just, it's okay.
You're the one doing this process
and you can't mess it up.
God is with you.
It's a journey.
And so say what you wanna say and do those things.
You can do it this way or do it that way.
And then you get to see, what did it produce for me?
With all my precautions and my interviews,
how safe did it really make me?
Right, with every little thing, nail I put in place,
did it really do what I expected it to do?
And we grow to the place where we have to learn
that we can't interview a person enough for safety.
That safety truly does come within
and understand that we're God-defending
and that we're surrendering the pen to the Lord.
And so when we have trouble,
surrendering the pen is gonna show up in our need
to if a person says something with their mouth,
it makes us feel safe.
Women, we are, just what we are, we need to hear.
It's the way we connect.
It's the words.
And then when something happens,
you're gonna say, well, he said, he said, he said, he said.
Well, what does he say?
As a matter of fact, what is what you said?
We're just people.
People, the process of getting to know somebody
is the reason there's a process
because that's just what it takes, right?
It's a development.
And so I don't wanna hammer on that too hard,
but I do want y'all to know
because that's a question we get all the time.
When do I tell them I'm not having sex till I'm married?
You can tell them tomorrow if you want to.
I don't know what this is gonna do
when y'all get hot and heavy.
I hope you can hold up to your word.
So, you know, I'm just saying,
I just hope you have a purity plan in place
because, you know, I just hope that when you said it,
when those boundaries are tested,
that you have something in place to help you
because you're gonna need help.
We all need help.
So, it's okay, Julian.
I should have known you already exed.
Well, can I tell you his response?
And then I want you to address my question.
His response wasn't terrible, which is not ideal.
He basically said he doesn't know,
he hasn't found, and based on, I don't know,
which pastors he's been talking to at his church,
but he doesn't think there's anything obvious
in scripture that says,
and I've gone this so many times with men,
that says you cannot have sex before marriage.
Because in his heart, and I believe him,
every person he's dated, he's always intended to marry them.
And it's my sense that he's a very loyal person.
Like, he's had two girlfriends cheat on him.
And so, like, in his mind, it's like,
I wanted to marry her, I was planning to,
so then I felt it was okay or whatever.
So basically, his response was,
it's really up to the couple and the person.
And I was like, well, this is where I stand.
But I do trust that he's a person who's honorable,
like, he has very good self-control,
and just in his daily habits, I can tell.
But I don't know for sure, right,
until when you're in that situation, if it ever gets that.
But it wasn't ideal, because I want a man
who's convicted by the fear of the Lord,
that's what drives him, not because I'm,
or someone's like, no, I don't wanna do that, you know?
But I don't think it's a deal breaker for me, personally,
because I don't feel I'm, like, super weak in that area.
Like, I'm a, obviously, we're sexual beings,
but I feel like God's helped me have good boundaries.
But my question was more like, do I make it clear?
I wanna go to this thing, this fall.
Oh, yeah, okay, that question, yeah, let me grab that one.
So, now, if you wanna go, Joanne,
you need to tell him you would like
to go with him to the event.
Oh, I should just be blunt?
So, but then, okay, okay, okay.
I got that, but I wanna.
share my narrative because I'm like, I want it. I'm I have this
very old more old fashioned conservative mindset. Like if
the guy is really interested in wanting to get to know me more
than he was, shouldn't he be asking me on the next day?
He did actually on the next day. The problem is you want to go on
this particular event.
I do. And I want to go with him.
I think you're gonna have to ask this man about this event. Tell
him Hey, for our next day, I would love for us to go to this
place. Is this something you're interested in us doing?
Oh, really? You didn't think that's like too forward or like
initiating or like,
Oh, do you think asking somebody what they think about
absenteeism is too forward and you don't really know him?
Okay, you gotta stop with this one sided stuff.
Okay. Okay. So so you think it's appropriate and it's totally
because I was thinking, well, maybe he's not that interested.
Maybe like, that's why he's not saying anything to me. Like when
I say, Hey, I like I really want to go to this event. And he's
like, yeah, that looks cool. And I'm like, it doesn't mean he
doesn't want to, like, doesn't
like, well, if you had to ask the question, you would have
found out what he felt, but you didn't ask the question. You
just say, Oh, he's like, Oh, that's cool.
Oh, yeah, he's very literal. I was thinking he maybe that's
what's going on. Because he's just like, okay, that's cool.
You want to go so I'm not gonna assume anything. But I figure
wouldn't he be like, she wants to go I should ask her.
No. Even if he did do it, that's the wrong assumption. Um, I
don't know what this thing is. I have to process a little more
about what you have what this dance you do with things. Okay.
And you you project and you want someone to show up and think the
way you think and to do it the way you would do it. And that's
just not that's not a good service to yourself or to anyone
that you would do life with. Um, if you if this is how you're
operating in this arena, that's not going to serve you best in
marriage. Nobody's a mind reader. That's this idea of
this really toxic idea that men can read the minds of women.
Men and women are two different creatures. If they want
something, they say what they want. They're real simple.
Women take a sign of I said it, he did it that he really he just
like you said, maybe he's not that into me. Even if he said
yes, it still doesn't draw a line that he's so into you. He
just heard it was something you like and maybe he liked it too.
But see what happens when we start doing this, we connect
things to things that aren't even true. Like I got friends
who we want to do stuff. I don't want to do it. And I'm just
like, Okay, I'm not. They're my friends. So I'm doing it like
these same things are, you know, it's just so Joanne, if you
would like to go, you can say I don't know if you heard me
mentioned the other day, but I think this will be a really good
date for us. What do you think?
Okay, I could totally I would totally do that with my friends.
Hey, you want to go?
Okay, can you do with this? Yeah.
Yeah, I guess I can totally do that. I just want to Yeah, I
will. I will. I just want to make sure I'm not being like
driving the bus or being the leader or something like that.
Well, you know, we talked about this before. I will repeat
myself again. You are not driving the bus. You are using
your own voice. And I want to go back to this abstinence thing.
You drive the bus with what matters the most to you because
you are a bus driver, Joanne.
On the very important non compromising things I am.
Yes. So you drive the bus. We all know you drive the bus. But
this is not driving a bus. This man is taking you out and
treated you well. He's treated you very well.
He has.
And so I just think that yeah, he's driving a bus. He just
don't know where to go. He doesn't know where you want to
go. That's right, Nikki.
So, you know, just just just enjoy the journey and try it.
See how you feel when you see it. Okay, try it. Okay. Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome. Hey, Aubrey.
Hi. Hey.
How's it going?
I know.
So I'm gonna get y'all up to speed and then Aubrey can take
it from there. You want me to get them up to speed, Aubrey?
That's fine. Yeah.
Okay. She was dating.
someone that she really liked. I still remember when they started dating. They were long distance
and they have been dating for about, are we like at five months? Yeah, five and it was about five
and a half. Five and a half months. They both traveling back and forth flying to see each other
and they weren't able to agree upon spiritual things. They were very important to Aubrey and
she had to release him. This is her journey of healing because it hurts so bad. I know how
that feels. She's giving us an update tonight about how everything is going. The breakup part
was really bad. It did not go well at all, but I honestly feel like,
you know, at the very beginning, Ebony, you were like, what's going to happen next time? He sets a
boundary and you were right about that. I guess what I have realized about myself is it's so,
hard for me to say no when there's someone who's insisting on something or what they want.
It was really challenging because I felt like the end was maybe the conversation that should
have happened at the very beginning when he pushed and wanted something that I wasn't ready
to commit to, if that makes sense. I felt like I was going to lose the opportunity if I didn't say
yes. Even though I wasn't actually confident in that yes, I was willing to bend because I didn't
want to lose him. Anyways, it's been really challenging. The follow-up on all of that too
is basically, he was like, I want to know if you're in this or if you're not in this.
Because he's an immigrant and there's a lot of decisions he has to make about his future,
it's like, he's like, I just want to know if we're doing this or we're not. I'm like,
okay, I'm not prepared to say I'm in this, in this, in this. We've seen each other,
we've done five visits, which is good for long distance, I think, and for that period of time.
But I just felt like we kept coming back to these conversations over and over and not
making progress. His solution was like, okay, you're going to live your convictions,
I'm going to live mine, and we'll teach our kids both. I was like, that's not what I want.
I know people do that. He gave his friend, his friend's parents, his mom is a devout Catholic
and his dad is super Baptist, and so they went to mass and then they went to church.
This is how they raised their family. He's like, it was fine, it was great.
And I'm like, maybe you can do that, but I'm like, but that's not what I want. I want
intentional discipleship for my children. I want not like, oh, dad says this is true,
mom says this is true, and they're conflicting. That's not what I want. It's like, even though
I like you, that's not what I want for my future. So anyways, it was really hard. He said,
you just didn't like me if you liked me. When you like someone, when you love someone,
you just make it work. And I'm like, okay, I don't think that that's true, because I
care about you, and I do actually like you, but it's like where this is going is not where I want
to go. So that's anyways, but I think one of the biggest things that well, and now progress. So
after a few days, he, after that conversation, he was like, how many more times you're going
to call me and tell me that this isn't going to work. You're just saying the same thing over and
over. And so I'm thinking, okay, he's maybe a little hostile. He does not want to hear from
me. I'm like, I want to know how he's doing, but clearly he was not happy with the conversation.
It wasn't what he wanted. So I'm like, I'm not going to reach out to the man like I need to
like, give him some space. But after a few days, he messaged my mom on Facebook
and like apologized because when he came, he stayed with my parents. He's like a
Mutual family friend, right? So we have friend anyways
So he like
Apologized and he thanked them for welcoming welcoming him into their home because he visited three times and two of those three times
He stayed at my parents house
And then he asked can I talk to could I talk to Nathan? That's my dad
So I'm very close with my family
Anyways, so he ended up
Calling my dad and they talked for like an hour and a half about theology because he was like
I want to understand he's asking my dad questions trying to I guess
Understand and brought up a lot of the things that I had mentioned in conversations
and
so I feel like he
Then he asked my dad for could I do I have permission to like reach out to Aubrey and I'm like I never told him
He couldn't talk to me. I never blocked him. I never said don't speak to me, but he was like, can I reach out to Aubrey?
And I'm like my dad was like, how do you feel about that?
Like my dad was one of the biggest proponents of like Aubrey. I don't think that this is good
I don't think this is gonna work and
if
He's like you're you can't build a home on like division it can't be like you can't you can't have duality in your home
So anyway, so they have this conversation
For an hour and a half. He's asking them lots of questions. My dad is a very peaceful man. Very like what?
Approachable peaceful aren't kind kind of man
so
anyways, they they have this conversation and
I'm all
So then he actually texted me yesterday Lucas texted me yesterday and was like, hey
I've been thinking a lot about all the things that you said
Would you be open to have a phone call?
so I'm like, okay, I
Told him well sure I'm open to have a phone call
But I'm kind of like if things don't change it still doesn't work. So in my mind, so I I just
It's been really challenging. This other reality is too. I'm like, okay if things could change could I be open to this?
Would I possibly open to this? There's still the reality of distance. That's really really hard for me. Like I
Don't know if you know the 70, but this was like my fourth long-distance relationship
I've had I've dated people I've had five boyfriends over since I was like 18
This is the fourth long-distance
Relationship and it's so hard for me because I feel like I get stuck in my head and there's so much space
Where there's unknowns and I I'm like a this what about this in this I'm like a
Analyzer, right? There's some people I think they like look at someone. They're like, that's my person and I'm they're like good
I made a decision and I'm not that person. I'm super I feel
Like I go back and forth and analyzing analyzing analyzing analyzing
So anyways, I it's been it's been challenging
To process through and also realizing like oh my gosh
If I had just stood up for myself at the first instead of bending to what he wanted
We would have avoided all of this
Kind of situation and then also he wants to talk and I don't know what it is that he wants to talk about
But he may just want to apologize, I don't know he apologized to my parents so
That's that's where things are out right now
Yeah
well
Yeah, that's tough. I'll breathe
Yeah, I
Can kind of see why you liked him because he seems like an honorable man
I think he really meant what he said when he said if you really like somebody you fight because he called your daddy
To get a conversation about theology. So that means he's mad. It's like, let me see what this girl talking about
So what it sounds like let me
Let me see what she's saying because I'm gonna have to consider this so evidently he
really
was to spend that kind of money the way you guys were you and both of you guys were
equally invested in this relationship and so
Yeah, I love her honor, but he was to Laurie, um, I think that there's a lot to be said
But
Even if he understood, you know, you're at the point even if he says I understand your faith and okay
We can raise the children that way you're still
You still left with the understanding that faith doesn't work that way
right there is
There's still the duality, just because somebody says yes, it doesn't make it not that, right?
And so ideally, but if you're willing to take a journey as you watch them grow in said faith,
because people convert all the time for another religion to marry somebody.
They do.
They will convert over because whatever they hold true to them for their religion is not
really real.
Like they don't have anything invested in it.
You should like go.
But that's not him.
Like he's a diehard Calvinist.
He is a, like all these, he deeply, he deeply is committed to, and he's a studier, you know,
and it's not that he, he actually shifted from what he grew up in to what he believes
now.
And it's honestly, it's not even that I, I have all this beef with what he believes.
It's that I can't, I can't say like, he's, he's not going to train my, like, if we have
kids, he's not going to teach them.
He's going to teach them something contrary to what I would want them to know.
Right.
So that's what I'm saying.
Even if he came to and say, well, okay, I can accept this, I can accept that, you know,
you know, his heart about how he feels about what he believes in, and you know, your heart
about what you feel like, what you believe in.
And I think that at some point you have to be willing to release in what you've done,
you know, even like you said, sometimes you'll analyze, well, what about this?
And what about that?
What about this?
What about that?
Even if it came to this, your what about mind start flowing.
How about you take a six-month break then, and in six months, we can have this conversation
again, because you're going to need time, Aubrey, with all your what abouts.
You can't drag that along, right?
You can't drag this thing along.
I don't know what he's going to say.
You could just be an apology, but I'm just trying to give you some help with your what
abouts, you know?
I just felt like he wanted me to be like, give me a, I need to know, are you in this
no matter what?
And I'm like, if I were to say, if I were to keep walking with you and be like, my hope
would be that it would change.
And that's, I think, not a fair way to walk with someone, not for him and not for me.
Right.
You accept people for who they are, where they are, and that's who they are.
And if that's not the deal, then that's unfair.
I mean, that's just not how that works.
It's not, it's not the way that you do things and it's not going to produce the best results
because you're going to be working to change something.
And then you're going to blame that person for the decision you made to walk alongside
them.
And this does draw us back to the way it was in the very beginning.
You know, he's like in or out.
And you did feel that pressure to say, okay, I don't want to lose this.
But sometimes, and I think we had this conversation then, you have to give up the good for the
better.
And then, you know, the way God is, he's funny, then he'll cause you to give up the better
for the great.
And we want to hold on to the good because we can't see the better.
And sometimes we don't want to give up the better because we can't see the best or the
great.
But it is a process with the Lord and he does continually expand us and weed things out
of us so that we can come into rightful ownership of what heaven would give us.
And because we can't see ourselves and because we can't see the fullness and we can't see
the things that are holding on to us, we don't understand God's process.
So it's just like, just give me what's in front of me.
Give me what's good.
Give me what's safe.
Give me what's sure.
And he said, I want to use this to fine tune you to get rid of the person that says, okay,
I better grab hold because I'm going to miss out.
And he's like, I got to get rid of this scarcity out of you.
As long as scarcity is with you, you're going to be shortcutted in life and everything,
not just in a marriage, but in everything around you.
You're going to shortcut your children.
They're going to carry your scarcity mentality.
It's not going to just stop here.
And God's a divine way of using relationships to strip those things from us and our heart
is broken.
And I believe sometimes God is like, I don't mind the heartbreak.
I know you're going to get, I know you're going to come to the other side.
But what's going to fall out in this, you're going to love the woman that comes forth.
And it doesn't feel good and our hearts are broken, but some stuff is worth a broken heart.
There are things that got shedded out of me that was worth every tear I cried.
Because there was a thing, a little girl in me that needed to be safe, that needed to
be this, that believed what was said, all these different things that needed to be cut
away from me.
If I had a choice for myself, I'm not trying to preach, I'm just telling you, if I had
a choice for myself, I would be up the creek without a powder right now, because I couldn't
see God's hand in his process of refining me so I could get heaven's best for my life.
We believe that we know what's best and it's a lie.
We don't.
We can only see what's in front of us.
We can't see tomorrow, next week, five years, 10 years, 15 years.
We can't see it.
We don't have the ability to see it.
And so I think the greatest decision you can make, Aubrey, and I believe that as you make
this decision and you already made this decision, it is breaking you free from those things
that have kept you bound, believing that there's nothing else better coming along for Aubrey.
Believing that once again, Aubrey got the short end of the stick.
But I'm telling you, God says, Aubrey has never gotten the short end of the stick.
The short end of the stick wasn't made for you.
It does not have your name on it.
You did not lose.
It's impossible for you to lose.
Anytime you stand your ground and say that when I raise my children, it's going to be
like the scripture.
They're going to be like arrows in my hand that I shoot into the enemy's camp.
All of heaven is backing you.
And heaven is working to get you what you need to fulfill God's purposes in the earth.
And that is to advance the kingdom of God.
And anybody looking for a kingdom family, for a kingdom marriage, all of heaven is backing
you up.
It's working for your good.
Now, I know that ain't story I want to hear when my heart is aching.
But I am telling you, you have made some major moves, and it only took you five months to
do it.
I know there's some people who paid a life sentence for the decision you made today.
They paid 15 years in marriage, 25 years in marriage, because they could not say no.
They could not release.
They had to hold on because they didn't think anything else was better.
They couldn't be alone.
And they were in a prison sentence for 25 years.
And so I want to give you some perspective of what a five-month invested birth in you.
You didn't just start struggling with this now.
This struggle has been a part of you for years, and it only cost you five months to stand
your ground.
And it seems like you were able to do it with someone that was safe, that honored you.
You said you enjoyed them, so you had a good time along the way.
And you're going to get through this, and it don't feel like today or tomorrow.
And it may not be for a couple of months, and that's okay, too.
Well, what do I do?
Because I feel like this whole wrestle, I think when I look back, I always think, well,
okay, well, when you said that, I should have known, yeah, this is not going to work, right?
But I have in my heart this wrestle.
And I've felt this in every relationship I've had, like a back and a forth in it.
Yeah, it's good.
No, yes, no, yes, no.
And is that normal?
Do people just feel that way in relationships?
Because I feel like what I've wondered is, okay, is this just an Aubrey problem?
And it's like, you're just going to have to learn how to work through that in a relationship.
And so part of, I think, why I wanted to keep going was I was like, well,
I've only ever experienced this.
And this is just normal.
I think that, yeah, I didn't mean to cut you out.
But I think that what you're speaking of, and what I would really encourage you to do,
is to do a little deeper hard work on that.
I really do encourage you to book a session, whether you booked it with myself or Karla,
but to do a little more hard work.
Because it sounds like somewhere in you, and it probably happened in your childhood,
it may have something to do with dynamics of the way you were raised.
Usually, some things are rooted initially with our father.
But somewhere you believe you have scarcity.
You're back and forth because you're not seeing the value of one thing over the other.
You're not able to recognize what serves you best.
That's just onset.
So it's
So it's not just the Aubrey thing.
Everybody expresses it in a different way.
Okay, so if I came up to you and was like,
Aubrey, come, let's just say,
you never struggled with drugs or anything like that
before having me.
Come shoot this, come smoke this crack with me.
What you gonna say?
No.
You gonna go back and forth in your mind about it?
So in the area of men,
there is something that doesn't have Aubrey
when she says it's a solid no.
It could be in your value, your worth.
It could be, it's a little few dynamics,
enough talk, you know, a session or talking one-on-one,
we could get to the bottom of it.
But there's something that causes you to compromise.
And it happens with me and it keeps happening.
That's not uncommon.
I've compromised so much in my life
with men and relationships.
If we could take a poll of the women
in this session right now,
they'll tell you if they've compromised before.
Like, and it's always rooted in something inside of us
that we believe to be true.
And you don't have a confused mind, Aubrey.
There are just some things that need to be set in order,
some things you need to release about your identity
and who you are.
And once you do that, you'll begin to set a standard.
And when they say, ABC, you say, no,
that's not what I want.
That's not what I'm, it sounds great and it's wonderful,
but I'm gonna release it.
It may hurt me, but I'm gonna walk away.
Have you ever wanted to say something to somebody so bad,
but it almost was like,
I'll bite my tongue until it bleeds with that
and I will not open my mouth, right?
Or I'm like this.
If I break up with somebody, I was like,
I bet you I won't call them.
I will throw my phone and hide it under the bed
before I call you.
It's like, when I gotta prove a point,
I will hide my phone from myself.
I will delete your number out of my phone.
I will not bow to you.
But like some of those things,
but I would, me or Carla would love to process through that
with you, Aubrey.
I believe it will be very helpful to you.
And so consider that you're not confused though.
You just gotta put some things in order.
So what do I do about this conversation?
When he calls me, because I'm open to talk.
I'm not like a screw you.
Even if he wanted to process, all good.
I would do that.
Well, there's nothing wrong with that.
He's your friend.
But if things don't change, it doesn't work.
And I don't wanna ask him to become someone else
to accommodate me.
But you're not gonna ask him to do that.
You said, when you get in a conversation,
you're gonna listen to him.
Right.
So you've already decided that there's no furtherance
of this relationship.
And so I was in a relationship for five months,
wonderful, righteous man of God, but we had to end.
I spent a whole two weeks processing with him.
Nothing was gonna change, but he was my friend.
I honored him.
I didn't mind processing for two weeks
because I knew once we were done processing,
he was settled enough within himself
that we were going to split ways
so we both can go on our healing journey
because that has to happen.
But I wasn't gonna abandon him before he got to a place
where he can say, okay.
Right.
And so it's nothing wrong with that.
It don't even mean you're dragging it along.
You're not on the phone talking about,
well, if we could, or I wish you just would.
You want him to be as true to what he believes
as you are to what you believe.
And you're willing to accept
that y'all are in different lanes and that's okay.
And you can say, I wish that we had the bliss
and I am grieving what I thought would be.
I'm grieving what we had.
I'm grieving where we were
and I'm grieving what I planned for us to have.
I'm grieving every date that I put ahead of time
that you're not gonna be there with me.
I'm grieving Thanksgiving without you.
I'm grieving Christmas without you.
I'm grieving the next flight that I'm gonna miss.
I'm grieving a flight without you.
Every time I see a plane in the sky,
I'm grieving that because I want to be on a flight
coming to you.
Like these are all real things that sometimes we overlook,
but it's okay to grieve it.
You gotta grieve not talking to him every day
or texting him every day or getting your phone
and seeing that text coming in.
And so this is a normal part of the process and it sucks.
Yeah.
And so I think you should talk to him.
So do I say like even, because what if,
I mean, theoretically, what if he said, you know what?
This really matters to her.
I start looking into it.
What I would not want to do is say like.
you said oh so he's gonna acquiesce that's not what i want i don't but what if he what if he did
genuinely change great but you have to go do that not because of me you have to go do that
bios like not in my do you get what i'm saying i know what you're saying but i think aubrey you
have to make a decision about what you want to do so what you just did was put it back on him
what if he said and what if he did that's a real what if but what do you want yeah what
is your conviction strong going you need to to stand by it you understand what we believe in
how deep it runs you've already made a decision about how you want to raise your children
now you can go along that line and say okay yeah we can look at it like i said six months from now
follow back up i can't see him going for that because he's always pressured you to make a
decision right now yeah um but i just think that you have to make a decision about what you want to
do um i just think that you have to make a decision um people can believe one way you
you take them okay now i'm all on board y'all get to the church and he's like no i disagree
then he turns back to the way he was and now your household is divided
i think that you shouldn't overlook this real thing
yeah
and and someone said there well protege said we're gonna be praying for your wisdom but
i don't want you to keep denying the wisdom that you're carrying right now
i believe that you know the truth i believe that you've always known the truth
and you've said it out of your mouth but i think the greatest truth right now is you're not
losing aubrey it's impossible for you to lose the only way you could lose in this sense
is that you have a plan that you're gonna follow and you don't want god's plan for your life
so decide who's playing you if it's your plan then you could lose because you're
gonna feel like you've lost but if it's god's plan you can't lose
and that's a part of assessing and figuring out where our worth and value
is but then you're not losing i'm telling you you can't lose
uh
i just always even after a decision i go back in my mind like what if or could have or maybe
and if this and so when you hear what you say yeah what if that happens huh that's interesting
don't deny your mind the what if you can explore the what if in your mind
but you need to always come back to the decision that you've made
right so what if is a real thing
but is it your thing is it the decision you've made right
and you know your father has given you really good wisdom
you got to remember that who you choose to marry is going to be the leader of your household yeah
and my dad literally told me it'd be really hard for me to
give you to someone who's welcoming you into duality to say you do your thing i do my thing
he said it would be really hard for me to do that i'm like that's a big deal to me like i trust my
dad um but i don't know he's wanting to talk to my dad talk about they had this conversation and
he's like oh i would could we have more conversations he's asking my dad i i have
more questions i want to understand more so i don't know well i really have to make your own
for your own life this is the thing that happened at the beginning he made the decision for the
relationship not aubrey yeah you have to make a decision that you live with and whatever decision
you make you'll be accountable for your decision
on you on you
put on your decision?
I don't know why that's so challenging for me.
Oh yeah?
You don't know why or you do know why?
I don't know.
Well, yeah, but you know,
we can't piece through it all here, but.
But it's not as difficult as you think it is.
There are only a few key things
that keep us tied up that way.
It's not big.
Is it okay if difference in theology is not a deal breaker?
It depends on what those differences in theology is,
that as long as we share core beliefs
of Christianity and my husband's sincere walk with Jesus,
then we're equally yoked.
Well, I guess it just kind of depends,
Nikki, on what those things are.
I guess, you know.
Okay, Aubrey.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm so happy to see you.
I've been praying for you.
Appreciate it.
I haven't been able to get here.
Yeah.
All right, Sarah.
Hello.
Sorry, ladies.
We just wanted to process with her a little bit more.
So go ahead, Sarah.
I just wanted to check in.
I don't have any particular questions, really.
I just wanted to kind of check in,
let you guys know where I'm at with everything.
Yeah.
So I've gone on three dates.
So the first one was with a friend,
and then he didn't, I mean,
I told him that I was open to a second date,
and then neither one of us really followed up about that.
So I kind of just, I don't know.
I guess I kind of, that wasn't super appealing to me.
I kind of lost interest in, like, I don't know.
So anyway, there was another guy that I met on an app,
so then I went on a couple of dates with him.
And then that was the most recent one
that I let him know that I didn't think
that we were very compatible after a couple of dates.
And then the first guy then, so after,
so then I reached back out to the first guy,
because it had been a couple of weeks,
and neither one of us had really followed up.
So I just, I wasn't uninterested.
I just wasn't interested enough to reach out before then.
So I reached back out, and I was just asking,
or, like, trying to see if we could set something up.
And then he was letting me know
that he's just got a lot going on right now.
He doesn't really have a lot of capacity.
He didn't say that he didn't want to go on a date,
but in so many words, he was just saying
he had a lot going on,
and he really does legitimately
have a whole lot going on right now,
which is fine, because I don't think
either of us are super interested.
We're just both kind of open to it.
So that was my three dates.
And then this, so that was like three weekends in a row,
which is a really big deal for me,
because I don't normally have that kind of capacity
to go on a lot of dates like that.
So I was really excited when I realized,
whoa, I went on dates three weekends in a row.
And then this, and then this last weekend, I had,
so there was another guy that I'd been talking to
on a dating app, and he was a little bit further away.
So I was asking, like, do you want to meet up?
Like, just kind of meet in between.
And he said, well, why don't we do
like a virtual meetup instead?
And so we kind of last minute kind of scheduled that.
And then the day of, I was just kind of like,
it was after work, I was tired, it was on a Friday,
and I was like, I don't really feel I look like,
I'm worrying about what I look like right now.
I'm tired, I just want to lay on my couch.
And so, and it had kind of been scheduled last minute anyway
and I was kind of like, anyway, I just messaged him
and kind of explained like that I wanted to cancel
and that maybe I would kind of like focus on people
that were a little bit closer.
And he appreciated me being direct about it.
So that was my, that was my dates.
And then as far as with the program
and like the meetings and stuff,
I think I just gotten kind of busy.
Every time I get really busy with work,
I kind of just forget to come to the meetings.
And then once I got back, I was like,
I remember I tried to come back, but that's that's kind of generally where I'm at with everything
That's good, I'm happy for you. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really excited
I feel like I feel like I have the most momentum right now with dating than I've ever had before
I feel like I've always been a little bit insecure with dating and
Especially once I got a little bit older I started feeling like oh
I like I like I can see the signs of age on myself now
And I feel like that's what guys are gonna see and so I was like really hung up on that for a while
But then I went this is before I did last year single
but then I went on a speed dating event with a friend and I had like a
29 year old that was like wanting to go out with me and I was like, oh, okay
Like I'm attractive to younger people even younger than I would even necessarily want to date
So that's that kind of like got me out of that mindset with thinking like oh, I'm so old and you know
Hold that so I feel like I'm in a much better place now with dating
Yeah, and so I want to keep up the momentum, you know, I didn't go on a date this weekend
But I want to like, you know schedule schedule some upcoming stuff so I can keep this momentum going and do all of my discovery dating
Yeah
Yeah, that's fine. And it's something she said like that's real. It's a real thing at first
It feels like nothing's happening
But it's an elven flow like all of a sudden something happens and there's this momentum that just picks up and it just keeps flowing
I still remember what I looked up and I was like I have been on the date one time
I went on three dates with different me in one week and I
This is the person they didn't want they didn't want to create a profile they want to do all these things
I don't want people turning me down looking at me talking about me
And I was like three days in one week the scheduled dates now. Oh my goodness
I was scheduled a two months out. It was crazy
But it was this momentum and in this time where it's like flat and so yeah, that's exciting. Keep it
yeah, well, I guess one question I do have is I feel like I
Feel like in order to get these dates like I I am showing way more initiative than any guys that I'm meeting
Which like I like which I feel like I don't I don't know if that's I don't know how I feel about that
but I feel like the guys will just talk forever on the apps and I'm like I get bored and and if I
if I get bored, I'm gonna end up like not going on the app and just kind of like
forgetting about them and so I feel like I
Usually am the one that just goes ahead and like hey, let's meet up just yeah
just cuz like otherwise like are we gonna chat forever like I like I I don't know
I don't know how other people are like meeting people that ask them out like or maybe other people have more capacity for chatting on
Their phone. I just like I don't enjoy that. And so I just want to like meet up with somebody, you know
Like yeah
Yeah, that's okay that I'm just like
By the second day I cannot go in and out of the app talking to anybody
So by the time we get to day two, I am like, hey, would you like to exchange numbers?
I I because I'm not gonna spend to I'm not I'm not gonna do it
I am NOT gonna spend a week talking to somebody and we're not gonna meet if the weirdest thing is for me talking to a
person I have not met before I
Don't like it. I like to see who I'm talking to if I'm not doing it
It's just no no go for me. And so I am a fast mover
But one thing I've talked to a lot of me and men are really nervous about winning X a woman something
You can hear from the women in our group. Oh, he asked for my number
He called me beautiful
Okay, he's it's just like everything like every woman has this different thing about her and if a man does this she's offended
And if he does this then you say look, I'm ready to just get my number one woman. He has to pursue me
He's gonna have to ask for my number
So you've been talking to him for two weeks cuz he asked me your number yet and you're wasting two weeks talking to somebody
And it's like then you blame him. Well, he hadn't said anything. It's like well, why would you talk to a person for two weeks?
But you blame them for the way you feel about what's happening. That's the issue
If you're not gonna blame them for the way you feel do it
Right, and so every woman is so different and every man I've ever talked to days like I just don't know when to ask they get
so upset
They do and so the man don't know which one he dealing with and then you got others who say stupid stuff real early on
Let's go cuddle. I
Don't even know you buddy. Why would I want to cuddle with you?
And so it's just like all these different type of me and I just think they don't know when to actually say something
So you don't think that I'm being too aggressive, like?
Well, you aggressive than I am too, but I don't mind being aggressive.
Well, I just figure, especially in the early stages, when you're just getting to know somebody,
I don't know.
I just feel like if it's happening, I don't know, if it makes it go at a pace that keeps
my momentum up, then I feel like I'm more willing to do that.
But what's not a problem, and this is what I say now, I'll kind of leave it at this.
I'll say, hey, I can't, I will say, hey, it's been great kind of getting to know you.
I would like to continue this.
If you're interested, I wouldn't mind exchanging numbers.
Is this something you would like?
And so I say it, but I give it back to them to make a decision.
And they're like, they shoot their numbers so fast.
And I'm like, great, I'm going to lock you in.
I won't be able to chat with you right now, but let's see if we can talk tomorrow.
Yeah.
And that's usually how I, I usually say like, hey, how do you feel about, you know, meeting
up or, you know, yeah, I kind of let them choose.
Right.
And so it's nothing I, I, I, um, I understand.
Okay.
Yeah.
Way to go.
All right.
Um, I think Kim was next.
And also, if any of you ladies are in the Austin area, as Kim is unmuting, um, if you
saw on the wall, Stephanie, she's from Nebraska.
She's coming in town tomorrow.
She's going to be here for the weekend.
And she wants to know, see if Aubrey, if any of you ladies want to meet up and hang out.
Um, and so she'll be in the area, find her post if you're interested and just say, hey,
I'm in the same area.
Maybe we can all link up and go bowling or, you know, go out to a restaurant or something.
And so, um, I'll be hanging out with her and excited as well.
And so if anybody's in the area, Georgetown, Austin, please respond to her post.
Kim.
Hi.
Hey.
How's it going?
Good.
Um, really well.
Yeah.
I'm happy.
You look happy.
So, um, I do have, I do have, I would like your feedback on something that is, is a non-negotiable
for me.
Um, and I know because of that, it limits the number of people that will be, you know,
um, that are out there that, that I could date and, um, but I know all it takes is one.
Um, I do.
I believe that.
I know that.
I know God's got somebody for me.
Um, so my non, my non-negotiable is that the man that God has for me, it's got to be Holy
Spirit filled.
And I, I received the Lord at 15, a very young age, and it wasn't until I was 40 that I found
Holy Spirit because I was, um, pretty much in just very conservative, um, mostly Baptist
and other type of churches that didn't raise their hands and didn't worship the way I worship
now.
And, and I found, I found Holy Spirit when I was abandoned, uh, by my ex-husband, um,
in a really cool way.
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a really neat story, but, um, that became so, I, I was so
filled.
It was like a gift that God gave me in the loss that I, that I experienced.
God gave me Holy Spirit and, and somebody, you know, something that will never leave
me and can never be taken away from me.
And just, I value that so highly that, and I've grown so much, uh, spiritually and just,
just, just, yeah, just, uh, exponentially that I'm not willing to accept anything less
than that.
And I know, you know, as I look around in, in church and I go to a fairly large church,
there, there are just, I don't see any, any men and that are prospects or, you know, that,
that are my age and, you know, I, I, that was at age 40 that I found the Holy Spirit
and I've just been worshiping and rejoicing ever since.
And so I'm 66 now.
And, um, so when I speak to men, that's really one of the things I want to know.
And I'm, I'm not willing to, I'm not willing to go to, uh, to a different type of church
now.
I'm not willing to, to not be.
with a man that doesn't know how to pray with power and with
being fit, you know, being led by the Spirit. So I know that my
I don't know what you want to call it my playing field. You
know, I know that the selection of men in that category are are
not are not that great. And, but again, I know God, I know God
can. I know God has one for me. But anyway, does that? Does that
make sense? I mean, I just wanted your feedback on the
fact that that's a non negotiable for me. And I, I
just am not willing to settle for less.
Yeah, yeah, it's nothing wrong with that. If that's your non
negotiable, because you get to sit it in. I don't I understand
that you're not willing to settle for less. And if that's
your non negotiable, you shouldn't settle for less. I
will tell you this, every man I know is Holy Spirit feel. And
so I mean, I go to church a lot, but these godly men that I know
are Holy Spirit feel. And so I know you feel like it may be a
few, but it's not a few is a lot Kim. And you're choosing when
you marry someone, this is the person that you come up under,
they get to sharpen you and shape you and grow you and
expand you and you get to do the same for them. And you want to
know that he has a conviction and that he hears the Father,
that when he does something, you can go to the Lord, it just same
way the Holy Spirit can get on you, it could get a hold to him
as well. And so I don't want you to believe that you're being
unreasonable. Yeah, but also it's not a but however, let the
Lord evaluate the man's heart on your behalf. Because what we see
cannot be the truth of what we know. And I go back to this
because this is something that the Lord told me. And it's
because I have similar non-negotiables. I mean, I'm
very, I've been married before and I understand what it's like
to be under a man of a certain type of a man. Yes, it is. Yeah.
So it can be a bondage. It is bondage. And I had to be rescued
from that bondage. But the Lord told me, and he used the
parable, not the parable, the story when Samuel went to
David, he said, surely this is the one, surely this is the one,
surely this is the one. And the Lord says, I judged the heart of
man. And so my prayer now is when I meet men, or even when
I'm praying for my husband, Lord, how have you judged his
heart? Right? How have you judged his heart? Because you
may meet, and these are just may, you may meet a man, and it
may seem like he's not Holy Spirit feeling, you may say,
well, come to go to church with me. And all of a sudden he gets
there and is where his heart is long. You don't know the work
he's done before you met him. And you may say, well, I don't
want to watch a man grow. Well, that's not necessarily true that
he has to grow. Maybe this is his first time like you were
being introduced to the Holy Spirit, but he was righteous in
every other way. Does that make sense? And so what I'm saying
is, because I know you hear from the Lord, and you are going to
listen. Also make sure that space is cut out for how God
has judged him, and not the way you, not the way you see the
person initially. Right? So they may say, I go to a
Methodist church, or like some kind of denomination where you
know, right? Like in my home church at home in Methodist, and
they love me, they're still my family. But they say, what is
even the Holy Spirit? That's what they said in my church. But
these are my family, these are people that I love. But I
understood, so I could have a perception of that, but that
doesn't mean that that man is packaged that way. And we have
to think about Bethany and her husband. Her husband, Bethany
is, you may think, what more like charismatic and apostle,
she's prophetic, she's operating in the spirit, and her husband
is of a certain type of denomination. And I'm sure
they're not shaking and moving that way. And so that's what she
thought about him when she met him. Like, oh, no, no, you're
past a dead denomination. Oh, no. But God rocks her world. She
didn't know the jewel that God had in this man for her, and how
much capacity he has for the spirit, all of these things. And
so that's what I want to say. So we do have to be real, let God
lead because he comes with a lot of surprises.
Okay. Yeah. And like you said, I know that God's called me to
leadership. So it's gonna have to be somebody that isn't, you
know, and, and, and I'm okay with that. I mean, I have peace
about making that that is my non negotiable, but I just wanted
to get your feedback on that.
Yeah. And another non negotiable ladies, I want you guys to throw
in there is that a man has a teachable heart. Because a man
could have been in leadership in a ministry a very long time.
I mean, he's not teachable, he's prideful.
He's not, one thing can be from the outside
and we can look, it can look good on paper
and he cannot be fearful of the Lord.
And these things you don't know.
So sometimes when we're meeting somebody,
we feel like they check this spot,
they check this spot, you don't know them.
And so one of the core things I lean more on,
are they teachable?
Do they fear the Lord?
All of, I've loved the Lord and did some heinous things.
I've loved the Lord and had sex with me.
And this is true.
I've loved the Lord and done a lot of things.
But when the fear of the Lord came in my life,
I walk different, I honor God different.
I was mindful what comes out of my mouth.
There's a difference between a person who fears the Lord
and honors him and then just one way.
And so a lot of things we have to break down
to the core of what we want in our husband.
We want a man who's teachable.
We want a man who can communicate.
He might can lay hands, cast out demons,
be anointing, heal people
and everything we thought it should be.
Be standing in the spotlight.
And we say, that's the one for me.
But he can't even hold his house together.
When he gets home, he don't have the capacity for a wife.
He didn't have a capacity for a family.
Yeah, and so, sometimes it's best to create the plan
based on core foundations of what's needed
for what you want.
Okay, that's good.
Yeah.
Great.
All right, Stephanie.
And it's 847 again, ladies.
My, my, my, we had such a good time.
But don't, you don't feel, please don't ever feel,
hey, Heaven, they told me you,
did you say you was gonna tell me bye too?
Don't ever feel like,
we're gonna miss you, Heaven.
I'm gonna miss you guys too.
I really don't wanna go, but.
I'll see you on the other side.
I'll see you.
My mom was recording something
and I totally interrupted her.
Let me move real quick.
Oh.
I'm sorry, one more time.
What were you saying?
I said, I'll see you on the other side.
I come to the session three stuff often enough.
But yeah, I really didn't wanna go,
but I'm saying, you know, it's like.
It's time.
Go enjoy phase three, it is worth it.
Thank you, thank you.
You're welcome.
Stephanie, I saw you on your pictures at,
didn't you go to Disneyland?
Disney World, right?
Yes, I did go to Disney, yes.
Sorry, I'm driving.
You were looking fabulous.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I just wanna,
yeah, I was,
as this month has been proceeding,
like, Holy Spirit was just putting on my heart that,
okay, all right, baby bird,
it's time for you to get out that nest of phase two.
I'm preparing you.
Don't force Ebony to kick you out the nest.
Will y'all leave?
I'm like, they're leaving me.
My babies are gone.
Yes, but I just wanna say thank you so much
for all of your wisdom and your encouragement.
You are one of my favorite encouragers.
As I was listening to you coaching in this call,
I was just thinking like, wow,
she has such a beautiful gift of encouragement,
and I thank you for that,
and your words will be replaying in my heart and mind
as I go on whatever dates are coming up,
but yeah, I just really appreciate you so much,
and I'm excited for the next phase,
but nervous at the same time,
because I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss both you and Carla
and the hand-holding that I got.
So, ladies, soak up this hand-holding, for real.
Oh, Stephanie, you are amazing.
I'm so excited for you.
You grew so fast.
Yeah, Stephanie went, literally, from one conversation,
like, yeah, I can't do this dating thing.
I'm just not gonna do it.
I'm too traumatized.
I was supposed to make my dating profile.
I was like, well, why don't you just do it?
Do it by Monday or something like that,
and she was like, what?
And she did it, and she ain't stopped dating since.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah, so you are so welcome.
We are so happy doing this journey with you all.
I'll tell you, it's one of the greatest blessings of our life.
Love you all, ladies.
Felicia, let us pray for you right quick.
Do you have a moment for us to pray for you right quick?
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to cut you off step and Felicia was saying she was going and she put it in the
Comments that her brother passed and so if you guys would just join me in praying for her
Father god, we thank you for felicia. We thank you for her life
We know that you see her that you're with her that you will never leave her nor forsake her lord
There are no words that we have that can erase
Any of the pain that she's feeling and we don't want to offer up words to release the pain that she's feeling father god
Because the pain and the tears that she cried are in honor for who her brother was in her life
Their honor for the gift that you gave her through her brother
And so what we do ask is that you will wrap her in your sweet peace one thing about you
God, you don't always take things away
But you have promised to be with us in any storm that we are uh experience
The bible says that many are the afflictions of the righteous but the lord delivered him out of them all
So we're declaring over your life tonight felicia that the lord is delivering you out of every affliction
The bible says that jesus christ bore our griefs on the cross
So he knows what it's like to grieve and he bore them in his body
And so right now the same body that has bore your grief. I declare that same body is carrying you right now
I declare that the body of christ was broken for your sake that his blood was shed for your sake that you may be made whole
Complete lacking no good thing. And so I pray that the father's own will wrap himself around you
I know that he is he's wrapping himself around you as you take this journey
And i'm just telling you not one tear you share shall be in vain
But the lord has taken the tears
There's a scripture that says that god takes our tears and he holds them in a little bottle
and it says that these women in the book of psalms that
They will they will they will shed their tears and they're going to come back carrying
Armloads of blessings and joy and they're going to be rejoicing and I declare over you weeping may endure for a night
But joy will come in the morning for you. I declare that every day from this day
You're going to see a little bit more hope
It's going to be like the sun is peeking through the clouds and you're going to be able to declare
That god is for me
I would have fainted unless I believed to see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living
I declare you shall not faint, but you shall mount up on wings as eagles
You shall run and not get weary. You shall walk and not faint because your god is with you
He is for you. He will not leave you or forsake you and that is your promise in jesus name. Amen
If anyone else want to throw a prayer in there
I didn't want to end it without if you wanted to go ahead and unmute and and pray if that's what you want to do
Okay
Amen
Thank you all. Thank you. Really really appreciate it. I need all your arms. Thank you so much ebony and the ladies. Love you
We love you, too
All right, stephanie, what are we doing?
I'll see you on the other side. I'm coming over there. I'll be looking for y'all
I love I get on I saw they having some in phase three tonight
Let me go find my people and i'll be scrolling to see if y'all make comments about a man
I should be looking and looking and looking and so I keep my eyes out. I have enjoyed you ladies tonight
You're always a blessing now. We haven't done this activation in a long time
And so we're gonna do this and I want you guys to get in your bed tonight
Do you hear me?
And I want you to roll all the way over to the other side and then on your way back
I want you to remember just a little while you're gonna bump into a man and his name gonna be your husband
And I just want you to thank the lord on way on your way back
So one day this side will be filled with my husband
You got it roll to the other side because ain't nobody there right now, but on your way back
I want you to bump into your husband. All right, and so god I just thank you for godly
Kingdom marriages this revival that's happening for every one of these women. You have something special a special treat in store for them
We love you father and we thank you that you thought of us in this way in jesus name. Amen
Thank you. You're welcome for tea. I miss you
Good night, everyone
Good night, ladies. I just got back ebony from my trip. I was in japan
Oh
Yeah
So i'm still jet lagged, but it's good
What you been what you been doing in japan?
Oh just took a break
That's nice
Yeah, it was great. It was really great. I I needed it
It was great. So yeah, well, I missed you
Yes, I did too. I'm so i'm so happy to be back
Um, I was on my five out of the seven date on challenge i'm hoping to meet my target soon
Yes. All right then, I'm excited.
Thank you. Good night, everyone.
Good night.