WEBVTT

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So, Stephanie, I heard that you were coming to wish me goodbye, I just can't take it.

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Let us pray.

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Father God, we thank you for your goodness, your kindness, your love and tender mercies.

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You have been so faithful to us today, oh God.

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And so we just thank you.

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We thank you that you touched us with your finger of love this morning.

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You open up our eyes and I can look at these ladies and see that their faces are smiling.

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So no matter what came their way today, it did not take them out.

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And so for that, we say thank you.

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We thank you for this journey that we get to take with you.

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We could have took a lot of journeys with you, but we get to take our love story with

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you.

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What better person than the one who knows all, sees all, and is the best matchmaker

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there ever will be.

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And so we're just excited.

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We thank you for wisdom tonight.

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We thank you for kingdom solutions.

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We thank you, Lord God, for the solution that deal with the root of the heart.

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In Jesus name, amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Is there anyone new tonight?

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Your first time?

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Your first time?

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Yeah?

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Yes.

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Well, I joined, actually, I did jump into Carla's last week and I tried to jump into

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yours, but it's my first time with you, so it's my second call.

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Yeah.

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Awesome.

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I see, well, I talk with you on the wall a lot, and so it's just so good to see you tonight.

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It is good to see you.

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It's my daytime still, and it's my work time, but I'm like, I've got to make this work somehow.

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Oh, that's so awesome.

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Thank you.

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Yeah.

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Thank you.

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I feel so honored.

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Wow.

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Same, same.

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Yeah.

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Hey, Sarah.

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Hi there.

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Hey there.

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Have I responded to any of your posts before?

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No, I literally just moved over from last year's single or the artwork this weekend,

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so-

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Oh, okay.

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Brand new.

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Okay.

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Well, it's so good to have you.

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I'm Ebony.

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Thank you.

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You're welcome.

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Nice to meet you.

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Nice to meet you.

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Oh, nice to meet you also.

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I am just a little bit about myself for anyone else who's new, your first time.

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I get to be a third grade teacher in this season of my life.

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I teach reading and English.

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I joined this program.

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It was called Married in 12 Months or Less when I joined it, so probably about every

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night, every time I talk about it, I change the year because I think that I'm aging of

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some sorts.

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I think that was about three and a half years ago I was in the program, and maybe four.

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Jackie was my coach, and so I'm so happy that I get to do this with you all.

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It's exciting for me.

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And so, yeah, I live in Austin, Texas.

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I'm from Mississippi.

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That's where I lived my whole life there, and then I moved here to Texas.

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Aubrey!

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Hey, my Aubrey.

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Put your hand up.

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I need to do a heart check with you.

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Okay, ladies, we're going to jump right in.

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It's 7.04 because I want us to stay on time.

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We're always on task, and so let's keep going.

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For any of our new people started, I know I said we were going to get started.

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Any questions?

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You know this.

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You have the seven-day challenge.

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You do not, ladies, and I want to tell y'all this.

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You don't have to complete your seven days before you go to phase three.

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When you've done about four to five weeks in this phase, and you want to transition

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to phase three, go for it.

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It is not a thing, you know, sometimes we may think, well, I may go to phase three,

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and I'm not ready for phase three.

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That's not true.

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You'll have, you have, phase two is a smaller pool of community, and so you have

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more interaction naturally because we're smaller than when you get into last year's

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single, which is what you call phase three.

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It's just a lot more, but it's really good, excellent coaches.

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Your coaching that you get to do, the love seats and all those things are wonderful

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and they're fun, and so I just want you to know that you're going to continue

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your journey when you get there.

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Everything you haven't learned, when God is the author of your love story,

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he is working to increase your capacity, to extend your tent pegs,

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to stretch you out so that you'll have the capacity for what he has for you.

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So when you say, heaven, I want to partner with you for my mate,

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it's not going to look like what you've done in the past,

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and I know we love the oohs and ahs, and all of a sudden,

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it's just supernaturally that happened, but there are other things

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that come along with it.

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He's like, you want heaven's best?

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Well, I got to now transform you into what best attracts, right?

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And so he begins the work.

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working us. And so even when you transition to phase three, he's going to still be doing the

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work in you. Phase three is phase three co-ed. Phase three is not co-ed in like where you post

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it, but it is co-ed in a lot of your meetings. So yes, but not like, you know how we go into

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the app and post on our wall, it's just females in there. There are no men in there in that sense.

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And so you'll see the men in like love seeds, different things like that in group stuff.

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Yeah. Anything else? And don't let the seven dates scare you, but please, it's like taking

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a bull by the horn. I want you to grab that horn and I want you to ride that thing out

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because it's fun. I know that sounded a little aggressive there, but it was so much fun. Phase

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of them all. Dating. Well, it wasn't phase one, phase two, phase three that way then,

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but dating was one of the scariest things I ever did. One of the things that had all the

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excuses in the world why God didn't call me to it. And it was all out of fear of rejection and

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why shouldn't I have to do, and somebody should pursue me. Everything y'all say,

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I already said it and did it. And Jack is like, just go on the date. So yes, Sarah,

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you unmuted yourself. Yeah. Now I haven't gone through everything in the course yet

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since I just moved over, but I was wondering how long phase two is, like if there's a recommended

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timeframe and then how, I was going to ask about how long you have for the seven date challenge.

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You said that you can take it into phase three, but anyway, those are my main questions.

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Yeah. So phase two is four to five weeks, because that's about, they encourage you to do

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one, some smoke in the house from cooking, sorry. One video a week, so that you can just take the

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information in. When you come to coaching, you don't have to have watched a video. We're not

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going to talk about it. We may talk about some aspects from the coaching, from the videos,

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but we usually just work through the things that are being brought to the table. And phase two is

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not, when you're in this coaching session, it's not just about dating. It's about you as an overall

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person, because whatever you are dealing with in dating, it's really tied to your heart.

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It's tied to you. And so you don't have to have had a date or somebody, a hook, somebody on the

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line to be in this session. It's all about, it could be about work. It could be about

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relationships. It's really about you. So yeah. And if you get to the four or five weeks and you're

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not ready to go to phase three, there are a lot of people who have been in here for a really long

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time. Sometimes we have to nudge and say, let's go, but it's up to you. It's what you're comfortable

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with. So is that it? Any other questions? Okay. Sounds good. All right. Go for it, Vern.

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Okay. I found it. Hey, Emily. Hey. Well, I want to tell you what I got going on now.

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Okay. Well, you know, I've been telling you ever since I've been here, you know, I've been talking

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to people, talking to people, talking to people and haven't, haven't actually gotten a date at

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that particular time. Well, um, I have been on, um, Christian Cupid and Christian Cupid can be

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overwhelming sometimes because you just get so many people just sending stuff. And I was just

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overwhelmed with that. But when I was thinking I was going to stop looking in there for a while,

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cause I did, once I started my new job, I couldn't really go in there, but I had a guy that, um,

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had sent me a message. And, um, so we've been having some conversations, getting acquainted

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and everything. And, um, and we've been talking, this is going on like the second,

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second week. And we've been talking like every day. And, um, I like the company. We both like

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each other company. We've been talking about some things that we both, um, have in common.

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And one of them is that he is, uh, he, he is a Christian and the things that he had been saying

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have been...

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Say, when I say adding up, I'm talking about in reference to, I mean, where I've

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journaled in my book and wrote down what I'm looking for in all of that.

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So those things have been playing out, but I was like, boy, you're moving

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too fast, you need to slow down.

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And he just told me like, from the beginning, he was like, um, I'm just

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gonna let you know now that I am looking, but I want, I want a wife.

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I'm looking for a wife.

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And, uh, and he said, I know that, uh, we have to get to know

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each other and go through all of that.

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I'm not trying to rush.

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I'm not rushing you into anything.

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I want us to take our time and, you know, and do this.

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And Gar, so we've been talking and he's been asking a lot of questions

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and talking about a lot of things.

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And, uh, so I just wanted to say that, but, but he doesn't

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live here and, um, he's planning a trip so he can come to see me.

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Um, he said he wanted to just November.

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I think we said either between October and November, we needed to do a, do a

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visit, but other than that, we've been talking and so I told him like, um,

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he's a, he's a winner and, um, he actually have a daughter, um, the wife

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and the, he said the wife and the son died in an accident.

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So I did go through, I know the thing I have to say to Ebony is that I usually

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it's like, Holy spirit, I'm always waiting for him to tell me like, no,

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it's a no, like, you know, listening out for those things.

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And, um, I know that people will say one thing and all of that and you

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listening, but I'm also listening to Holy spirit and I'm not moving fast.

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And I did tell him that, that, um, I'm moving slow about it because

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I want to make sure that we are.

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But he does have a lot of the things that I, well, most of

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them that I have on, on my list.

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Um, and the only thing that I was saying that I would have, what I

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wanted, I wanted to see, I want to be able to see him a little earlier,

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but he's also working on, on some things too.

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So I said, as long as we're talking and we're communicating and, and everything.

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So, so far it's, uh, it's been great.

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I missed the class last week because we usually have a conversation between

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eight and nine, we usually have a conversation and, uh, so that's

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why I had my hand up for class.

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Yeah.

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Oh, cause you got to talk to your man tonight, honey.

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Byron, do y'all do any video dates, um, a zoom one, we did just to see each other.

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Yeah.

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And so I, oh, go ahead.

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I'm sorry.

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Yeah.

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I, I want to encourage you to do more because it's going to be a

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while before y'all see each other.

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And so, yes, I did tell him that because, um, I have, well, I don't have an iPhone.

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I have an Android and I know you can do something on the, I just don't know.

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I always know how to use the phones, but we did a, did a zoom.

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And then, um, I have an iPad and it's Apple and he say he was going to get one

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compatible to that so we can see each other so we can see each other that way.

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But is he on Facebook?

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No.

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Yeah.

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On the social media.

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Okay.

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Um, but you can do Google meets.

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Um, you can do duo.

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Oh, Google meets.

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All right.

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Is it Google meets y'all?

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Am I getting confused?

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Is it meets?

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Yeah.

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Meets.

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You said duo?

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Okay.

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And duo.

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Yes.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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And I would, I will, um, talk to, I will, I'll be talking to him later because

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he's always sending me a text and asking me questions.

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He asked me what was my ambitions the other day and the day he was saying

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that, um, I want to know what it looks like in reference to, you know, like

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marriage, what does that look like for you?

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And he always tell me his side upfront when he's asking questions.

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And then I'll, or I'll send him a question and he asked me back.

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So sometime through the day, he'll send me a message and everything.

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So, so far it's been, so far it's been going well, we've been enjoying

234
00:14:36.300 --> 00:14:38.580
each other's company and everything.

235
00:14:39.020 --> 00:14:42.540
So I, I, I haven't said a no anything yet.

236
00:14:42.540 --> 00:14:45.200
So, so far it's been been yes.

237
00:14:45.560 --> 00:14:48.360
So I haven't said a no on anything.

238
00:14:48.360 --> 00:14:51.860
And, uh, I just told him, you don't need to, we don't have to rush.

239
00:14:51.940 --> 00:14:54.100
But he was like, I know what I want.

240
00:14:54.260 --> 00:14:58.240
I know what I'm, you know, what he's looking for and everything.

241
00:14:58.420 --> 00:14:59.980
And, uh, and I was like, well.

242
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.480
of with us getting to taking our time and getting to know each other,

243
00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:07.220
then you know it's gonna all work. I say it's gonna

244
00:15:07.220 --> 00:15:11.340
it will work out if it's supposed to work out. Yeah that's a good message.

245
00:15:12.160 --> 00:15:15.960
Yeah I told him if it you know it's if it's supposed to work out

246
00:15:15.960 --> 00:15:19.880
then we both would know and then if it doesn't work out we just gracefully

247
00:15:20.700 --> 00:15:24.040
just go our separate ways but so far it's been

248
00:15:24.040 --> 00:15:28.880
been very it's been well. Well good keep keep us updated. I'm excited for you

249
00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:33.200
I'm excited too so I thought I wanted to tell you that and then I heard you

250
00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:37.280
talking about phase three and I was like uh I was trying to get a

251
00:15:37.280 --> 00:15:42.800
date over here before I go to get a date

252
00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:46.860
before before I go anything and then I know Jackie sent something

253
00:15:47.100 --> 00:15:52.040
earlier today an email and uh I have to go back and look at it but

254
00:15:52.200 --> 00:15:56.380
she was it looks like it's gonna be a great blog it's a blog that she sent I

255
00:15:56.570 --> 00:15:59.390
was that that I started looking at but I was

256
00:15:59.390 --> 00:16:02.350
working couldn't finish it but I just wanted to tell you that

257
00:16:02.350 --> 00:16:05.850
and to say I gotta um finish up some work here

258
00:16:06.370 --> 00:16:11.750
okay before we do our call. I'm listening to everybody else for a few

259
00:16:11.750 --> 00:16:15.390
minutes. Okay all right have fun Byrne. Okay all

260
00:16:15.390 --> 00:16:18.870
right thanks. All right come on D.

261
00:16:23.330 --> 00:16:28.310
Hello okay okay right well thank you again

262
00:16:28.590 --> 00:16:31.650
just to let you know I was in this um I was in married

263
00:16:32.790 --> 00:16:35.310
m12m the same time as you and maybe that's

264
00:16:35.850 --> 00:16:39.810
maybe that's why I feel familiar but I don't know but just to let you know I

265
00:16:39.810 --> 00:16:42.310
wasn't ready then I just want to tell the ladies I wasn't

266
00:16:42.310 --> 00:16:46.310
ready but I'm ready now what a difference night and day like I ran

267
00:16:46.310 --> 00:16:49.210
away like no and I'm ready let's go

268
00:16:51.250 --> 00:16:57.550
okay so I'm back okay so um I I am really enjoying this I am really

269
00:16:57.550 --> 00:17:00.590
enjoying this I am like whoa who are you anyway

270
00:17:01.950 --> 00:17:06.030
um as you've seen my chats um there are two

271
00:17:06.030 --> 00:17:11.150
I mean I'm I'm my biggest concern is to make sure I'm talking to many because

272
00:17:11.150 --> 00:17:13.910
typically I'm that monogamous even when I'm

273
00:17:14.150 --> 00:17:18.030
like one person we click and next thing you know

274
00:17:18.030 --> 00:17:23.810
you know we're together and um um you know not that we're doing stuff

275
00:17:23.810 --> 00:17:27.050
and all of that but I always you know I don't not doing that in this season

276
00:17:27.050 --> 00:17:30.750
right I want to date for discovery it's a new day a new season so where we

277
00:17:30.750 --> 00:17:34.410
are is I am dating this person which he's just asked me out on our third

278
00:17:34.410 --> 00:17:38.590
date you've probably seen I really like him but I'm still I'm still

279
00:17:38.590 --> 00:17:42.450
being detached I'm being sensibly just detached you know I really want to

280
00:17:42.450 --> 00:17:46.750
and talking to many different it's amazing like night and day like when you

281
00:17:46.750 --> 00:17:50.010
do the heart work like before it was like there's five people there's no one

282
00:17:50.010 --> 00:17:52.930
you know and now the islands are filled with it's raining

283
00:17:53.070 --> 00:17:56.790
literally I'm just like what is going on Jesus like come on

284
00:17:57.110 --> 00:18:03.310
but um anyway sorry so this one person he's the absolute

285
00:18:03.730 --> 00:18:07.230
if I were I know again I'm not getting attached I promise you I'm not sitting

286
00:18:07.230 --> 00:18:09.050
here dreaming about him or anything like that

287
00:18:09.050 --> 00:18:13.310
he's he's he's very attached to it he appears to be very attached

288
00:18:13.310 --> 00:18:17.470
to me it's nice and I'm still not getting like

289
00:18:17.470 --> 00:18:21.310
I'm not allowing it to you know sway me if that makes sense I'm really taking

290
00:18:21.310 --> 00:18:25.950
your training on board like it's game changing what I'm trying to get to

291
00:18:25.950 --> 00:18:30.590
is the issue I'm having right now is that um

292
00:18:30.590 --> 00:18:34.310
he he appreciates he's an entrepreneur as well he appreciates how busy I am like

293
00:18:34.310 --> 00:18:37.590
I mean I don't use the term busy he appreciates how full my schedule is and

294
00:18:37.590 --> 00:18:42.710
I've got a lot happening um and he is he just said he basically

295
00:18:42.910 --> 00:18:46.430
texted that he would love to um me to give him

296
00:18:46.430 --> 00:18:49.550
my availability so that he can figure out things and

297
00:18:49.550 --> 00:18:52.610
just suggest them to me he really wants to see me all the time like he's so keen

298
00:18:52.930 --> 00:18:57.070
and I've got I'm not it's not red flags with him because he seems really

299
00:18:57.270 --> 00:19:01.510
legit but in the past I'm remembering you know the ones that were just so

300
00:19:01.510 --> 00:19:05.070
into me you know pedestal which is unhealthy we know

301
00:19:05.070 --> 00:19:09.190
um however he's a real man like he's a man like he's the man

302
00:19:09.190 --> 00:19:12.650
he's the one who's I mean he's the he's the type that I've always

303
00:19:12.850 --> 00:19:16.430
that's my standard and I my standards are not low

304
00:19:16.430 --> 00:19:20.130
right and but I haven't asked for it because I'm dating to

305
00:19:20.130 --> 00:19:22.910
discover and here he is right being the man

306
00:19:22.910 --> 00:19:26.570
and I am loving it we went dancing on Sunday

307
00:19:26.710 --> 00:19:30.050
well it was an event open air and there was dancing involved we both love to

308
00:19:30.050 --> 00:19:33.710
dance but he like loves to dance and it was just so really nice but my

309
00:19:33.950 --> 00:19:36.730
point is anyway how do I get to the point otherwise I'll keep

310
00:19:37.570 --> 00:19:41.530
how I would like to respond and I almost sent him like

311
00:19:41.530 --> 00:19:44.610
because it's really difficult for me to even find free time right now like I'm

312
00:19:44.610 --> 00:19:46.270
making the time because it's important to me

313
00:19:46.270 --> 00:19:49.470
to date however it's a busy season with my

314
00:19:49.490 --> 00:19:53.810
business and so I just love some guidance on how to respond how to

315
00:19:53.810 --> 00:19:56.950
provide him availability without you know here's my entire schedule I

316
00:19:56.950 --> 00:19:58.410
don't feel comfortable with that you know like

317
00:19:58.670 --> 00:19:59.910
I've spotted a few

318
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.080
and I promised that I would get back to him,

319
00:20:02.500 --> 00:20:04.420
but I haven't yet because I'm just like,

320
00:20:04.440 --> 00:20:05.160
I don't like that.

321
00:20:05.180 --> 00:20:06.640
I don't like the fact that I want to give him,

322
00:20:07.140 --> 00:20:09.320
he would like, not that I'm going to give it,

323
00:20:09.460 --> 00:20:11.800
but you know, every free space that I have,

324
00:20:11.900 --> 00:20:12.700
which is very few.

325
00:20:13.180 --> 00:20:16.280
And so I just love your insight into how to approach that.

326
00:20:16.340 --> 00:20:18.240
I mean, I thought just pick one and two or two

327
00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:21.140
and just send it, you know, and that's what I'm thinking,

328
00:20:21.260 --> 00:20:22.460
but I'd love your guidance on that.

329
00:20:22.600 --> 00:20:24.440
And then the other one is about Mr. Long Distance.

330
00:20:26.260 --> 00:20:28.180
So he's been, it's incredible.

331
00:20:28.180 --> 00:20:30.440
So we had really nice talks at the very beginning.

332
00:20:30.580 --> 00:20:32.360
He was the first person I connected with

333
00:20:32.360 --> 00:20:36.040
in this new season of D, in this new me, right?

334
00:20:36.040 --> 00:20:38.840
Where it was flowing, I was just messaging back

335
00:20:38.840 --> 00:20:39.800
and nothing, you know,

336
00:20:39.800 --> 00:20:41.900
but then when you guys were saying on your calls,

337
00:20:41.960 --> 00:20:43.220
I'm so glad I've watched these calls,

338
00:20:43.480 --> 00:20:46.680
like don't let it go past, you know, a long time.

339
00:20:46.680 --> 00:20:48.680
I realized, wait, we've been texting back and forth

340
00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:50.920
for three, four weeks, like what's going on, you know?

341
00:20:50.920 --> 00:20:53.580
So that's when I got that message to him about,

342
00:20:54.440 --> 00:20:55.540
I want to see you, video call.

343
00:20:56.140 --> 00:20:58.240
And so where we are, he's been responsive.

344
00:20:58.540 --> 00:21:01.280
He's been really accommodating, like he's a fireman.

345
00:21:01.540 --> 00:21:04.440
So he's explaining, you know, I'm back at work this time,

346
00:21:04.920 --> 00:21:06.040
that, anyway, what happened yesterday

347
00:21:06.040 --> 00:21:07.960
is I misread his availability

348
00:21:08.680 --> 00:21:10.740
and I stated I'm available on this time

349
00:21:10.740 --> 00:21:12.140
and it actually was the day he's going back.

350
00:21:12.580 --> 00:21:15.300
So where we are now is, I said,

351
00:21:15.460 --> 00:21:17.000
and he said, I'm open to it, just know though,

352
00:21:17.020 --> 00:21:18.900
there might be an emergency and I might not be around.

353
00:21:19.160 --> 00:21:20.640
He's been really nice about it.

354
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:22.300
I think he thinks I might think he's not real

355
00:21:22.300 --> 00:21:24.320
if he's not available, but whatever it is.

356
00:21:24.320 --> 00:21:27.120
So I just, I would just love some,

357
00:21:27.180 --> 00:21:28.180
maybe it's just, I'm a bit nervous.

358
00:21:28.220 --> 00:21:29.800
I don't know why I'm nervous, not nervous,

359
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:32.460
but a bit like, I feel like I've made it a bigger deal

360
00:21:32.460 --> 00:21:33.040
than it should have.

361
00:21:33.100 --> 00:21:35.120
Well, it's become a bigger thing than it should have been

362
00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:37.500
because it's like setting it up for a video call,

363
00:21:37.500 --> 00:21:38.540
like I need to see you.

364
00:21:38.540 --> 00:21:40.080
It's not like I made it like that,

365
00:21:40.080 --> 00:21:44.420
but I feel like now I've set something that, you know,

366
00:21:44.420 --> 00:21:46.000
I would just love some coaching on that.

367
00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:47.160
Am I making any sense?

368
00:21:47.320 --> 00:21:48.960
It's going to happen tomorrow, by the way.

369
00:21:49.160 --> 00:21:51.720
And if there's no, barring any emergencies,

370
00:21:51.720 --> 00:21:53.860
but I also let him know, look, if it doesn't happen,

371
00:21:54.440 --> 00:21:55.680
you know, we can set up another time.

372
00:21:55.740 --> 00:21:56.060
It's okay.

373
00:21:56.060 --> 00:21:57.440
But he's been like, no, no, let's meet.

374
00:21:57.620 --> 00:21:58.300
Let's go for Wednesday.

375
00:21:58.440 --> 00:21:59.400
And I'm just like, whoa.

376
00:21:59.500 --> 00:22:01.520
Cause I was trying to kind of give him, let him know.

377
00:22:01.560 --> 00:22:03.260
I'm not, I'm not crazy.

378
00:22:03.280 --> 00:22:05.080
Like, you know, we have to meet on Wednesday.

379
00:22:05.260 --> 00:22:06.420
If you're not free, you're not free,

380
00:22:06.520 --> 00:22:08.140
but he's still like, no, let's try.

381
00:22:08.280 --> 00:22:10.780
If you're open to it and see how it goes, you know,

382
00:22:10.780 --> 00:22:12.700
if I'm not available, as long as you understand.

383
00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:14.820
So yeah, I'll be quiet now.

384
00:22:16.440 --> 00:22:16.800
Yeah.

385
00:22:19.940 --> 00:22:21.620
So let me answer the first one.

386
00:22:21.620 --> 00:22:22.560
Cause I wrote that down.

387
00:22:22.660 --> 00:22:26.440
Just give him the time that you want to give him.

388
00:22:28.200 --> 00:22:30.020
And he likes you.

389
00:22:30.200 --> 00:22:31.700
And so it feels like to you,

390
00:22:31.700 --> 00:22:33.640
like you want every little bit of time I got,

391
00:22:33.860 --> 00:22:36.080
but only you know what your time is like.

392
00:22:36.360 --> 00:22:38.500
So the pressure that you feel,

393
00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:40.760
even though the words come out of his mouth,

394
00:22:40.900 --> 00:22:42.260
you're the one in control.

395
00:22:43.420 --> 00:22:45.260
So you don't have to feel pressure.

396
00:22:45.380 --> 00:22:47.720
And so let's say you looked at your account and he's like,

397
00:22:47.760 --> 00:22:49.280
oh, I got three Saturdays open.

398
00:22:49.420 --> 00:22:51.100
Well, one of those Saturdays is for me.

399
00:22:51.100 --> 00:22:55.180
So that's my Saturday to do whatever I want to do.

400
00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:56.080
It's just an example.

401
00:22:56.200 --> 00:22:57.580
Oh, I know what Saturday I'll give him.

402
00:22:57.740 --> 00:22:59.260
I'll give him these two options.

403
00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:02.060
And then I'll give this time.

404
00:23:03.040 --> 00:23:03.460
Right?

405
00:23:03.460 --> 00:23:06.160
And so I think the idea you had was just give him

406
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:08.320
what you want him to choose from.

407
00:23:08.800 --> 00:23:11.220
He probably feels that it's easier for you

408
00:23:11.220 --> 00:23:12.840
to just give him your availability

409
00:23:12.940 --> 00:23:16.560
and maybe he's more flexible and he'll work around your time.

410
00:23:16.580 --> 00:23:17.560
That's what he's saying.

411
00:23:17.760 --> 00:23:18.060
Yeah.

412
00:23:18.060 --> 00:23:19.220
I'll tell you what it is though.

413
00:23:19.220 --> 00:23:23.580
It's the, what am I trying to say?

414
00:23:24.340 --> 00:23:26.340
It's the imminence of it.

415
00:23:26.460 --> 00:23:28.520
It's not, so it's not like spread out over weeks.

416
00:23:28.560 --> 00:23:29.820
It's like this week.

417
00:23:30.540 --> 00:23:34.260
And usually I pace my, even my own week,

418
00:23:34.320 --> 00:23:34.860
if that makes sense.

419
00:23:34.940 --> 00:23:35.840
I do want to see him.

420
00:23:36.280 --> 00:23:37.320
I've got limited time.

421
00:23:37.400 --> 00:23:39.460
So the times, you know, like next weekend, whatever,

422
00:23:39.460 --> 00:23:40.180
I'm not available.

423
00:23:41.040 --> 00:23:44.920
And all I have now is like tomorrow and the evening after.

424
00:23:45.280 --> 00:23:46.580
And for me, that's too soon.

425
00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:48.280
I don't know if that's me creating barriers,

426
00:23:48.280 --> 00:23:48.700
but.

427
00:23:49.660 --> 00:23:51.020
Well, when's the last time you saw him?

428
00:23:51.700 --> 00:23:51.800
Sunday.

429
00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:54.400
So, so far we've seen each other once a week, each week.

430
00:23:54.760 --> 00:23:57.320
And he, he has wanted to see me more

431
00:23:57.320 --> 00:23:59.720
and I was not available and I'm okay with that.

432
00:23:59.720 --> 00:24:01.700
And he's not, he's not pressuring me.

433
00:24:01.700 --> 00:24:02.460
I don't know what it is.

434
00:24:02.500 --> 00:24:05.200
I don't know if it's because I like, I can,

435
00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:07.600
I feel like I'm starting to like him

436
00:24:07.600 --> 00:24:08.880
and which is why I have this urgency

437
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:10.100
about meeting other people

438
00:24:10.100 --> 00:24:12.920
because I don't want to start being, you know,

439
00:24:13.200 --> 00:24:16.240
like focusing on only him and, you know.

440
00:24:16.240 --> 00:24:17.500
Well, that's because you're spending

441
00:24:17.500 --> 00:24:18.840
a great deal of time with him.

442
00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:20.640
So if you're seeing him once a week

443
00:24:20.780 --> 00:24:23.380
and then if you're getting to chat with him,

444
00:24:23.400 --> 00:24:24.800
then you're spending more time with him

445
00:24:24.800 --> 00:24:26.500
because you're spending more time with him.

446
00:24:27.040 --> 00:24:29.420
You're more inclined unless you didn't like him.

447
00:24:29.560 --> 00:24:31.140
So now you'll be a little bit more inclined

448
00:24:31.140 --> 00:24:32.460
to like him a little bit more.

449
00:24:32.900 --> 00:24:34.660
And so you may be feeling that,

450
00:24:35.220 --> 00:24:37.880
but you just adjust it and you, you know,

451
00:24:37.900 --> 00:24:39.680
you can always say we've been seeing each other

452
00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:42.640
every once a week, which has been really good.

453
00:24:42.860 --> 00:24:43.720
I enjoy your company.

454
00:24:44.620 --> 00:24:46.920
I'm not having availability this week.

455
00:24:46.940 --> 00:24:49.380
So it looks like the next time will be a couple of weeks.

456
00:24:49.500 --> 00:24:52.060
So you can re, you can reset the pace

457
00:24:52.060 --> 00:24:54.460
without even talking about resetting the pace

458
00:24:54.480 --> 00:24:57.060
by just changing the system.

459
00:24:57.400 --> 00:24:59.080
And then that'll be very helpful.

460
00:24:59.220 --> 00:24:59.940
So he won't get.

461
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.560
used to seeing you every week.

462
00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:05.000
This thing, like I know she'll have some time during the week.

463
00:25:05.020 --> 00:25:08.000
And if you do over-communicate your calendar,

464
00:25:08.140 --> 00:25:10.300
you may have a pressure within you

465
00:25:10.300 --> 00:25:13.720
if you over-communicated to give him the time

466
00:25:13.720 --> 00:25:15.160
that you over-communicated.

467
00:25:15.720 --> 00:25:19.140
It may not be your language to pull back

468
00:25:19.140 --> 00:25:20.660
after you've given it out.

469
00:25:20.700 --> 00:25:21.940
Like, hey, I can do this.

470
00:25:22.080 --> 00:25:24.820
And you realize maybe I wanted that time for myself.

471
00:25:24.920 --> 00:25:27.780
And sometimes our muscles aren't strong enough to communicate,

472
00:25:27.900 --> 00:25:28.940
like, give me that back.

473
00:25:28.940 --> 00:25:30.060
I'm not sure.

474
00:25:30.440 --> 00:25:31.680
Oh, that's good.

475
00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:33.160
Yeah, yeah.

476
00:25:33.260 --> 00:25:35.580
So if you just give, I agree with you,

477
00:25:35.740 --> 00:25:38.860
give him what you want him to choose from.

478
00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:40.120
Yeah, OK.

479
00:25:40.620 --> 00:25:42.980
Yeah, and then so for this other guy,

480
00:25:44.620 --> 00:25:47.460
one of the things that you could be experiencing

481
00:25:48.640 --> 00:25:51.780
is that y'all went so long before y'all did talking,

482
00:25:51.860 --> 00:25:53.240
you thought it was just a goner.

483
00:25:53.400 --> 00:25:54.860
Like, you really didn't have much hope.

484
00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:57.600
And then he comes back strong, like, oh, I want to do this.

485
00:25:57.600 --> 00:25:58.180
I want to do that.

486
00:25:58.180 --> 00:26:00.300
And so then it's the juggle of time.

487
00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:01.340
Well, we can't see each other.

488
00:26:01.360 --> 00:26:02.180
We can't talk now.

489
00:26:02.220 --> 00:26:03.260
Oh, let's talk here.

490
00:26:03.520 --> 00:26:05.880
It creates an anticipation or excitement.

491
00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:07.500
So you're rearranging things.

492
00:26:07.720 --> 00:26:09.580
Also, when you realize he's a firefighter

493
00:26:09.580 --> 00:26:12.520
and you do have to rearrange things, right?

494
00:26:12.520 --> 00:26:14.220
So you got this other guy who's like,

495
00:26:14.220 --> 00:26:15.380
just give me your calendar out.

496
00:26:15.380 --> 00:26:17.100
I'm going to arrange my life to fit yours.

497
00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:19.780
And then you got the firefighter where you have to arrange things

498
00:26:19.820 --> 00:26:21.160
also to talk with him.

499
00:26:21.220 --> 00:26:24.380
You created this excitement around it.

500
00:26:24.380 --> 00:26:27.380
It's just by the natural process that is happening.

501
00:26:27.380 --> 00:26:29.720
It's nothing either one of you did,

502
00:26:30.280 --> 00:26:34.160
but it's the not being able to get in touch with each other.

503
00:26:34.240 --> 00:26:35.100
You know what I'm saying?

504
00:26:35.220 --> 00:26:38.760
The long time, and then he came back,

505
00:26:38.840 --> 00:26:41.700
surprisingly, to both of us, different.

506
00:26:42.680 --> 00:26:43.080
Yeah.

507
00:26:44.900 --> 00:26:48.480
If you like him, he's still somewhat of a mystery to you.

508
00:26:48.560 --> 00:26:50.860
And so this is just kind of the early part

509
00:26:50.860 --> 00:26:52.540
about he's still somewhat of a mystery.

510
00:26:52.580 --> 00:26:55.320
So you haven't quite figured him out just yet.

511
00:26:55.320 --> 00:26:58.180
And so you could be sensing some of that.

512
00:26:58.260 --> 00:27:00.700
And so if you feel like you could be sensing some of that,

513
00:27:00.800 --> 00:27:01.820
it's completely fine.

514
00:27:02.180 --> 00:27:04.980
It's just being able to recognize what you're feeling.

515
00:27:05.140 --> 00:27:06.860
You guys, that's a big deal

516
00:27:06.860 --> 00:27:08.360
when you can recognize what you're feeling.

517
00:27:08.360 --> 00:27:09.640
Because sometimes we can feel things

518
00:27:09.640 --> 00:27:12.320
and we can assign it in places that it shouldn't be assigned.

519
00:27:12.680 --> 00:27:14.060
But when you find out it's like,

520
00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:16.600
oh, I'm so crazy about this man,

521
00:27:16.600 --> 00:27:19.420
because the first two weeks chemistry

522
00:27:19.420 --> 00:27:20.740
does all the work for you.

523
00:27:21.940 --> 00:27:23.220
Have you met somebody?

524
00:27:23.560 --> 00:27:24.940
And it's like, oh my goodness,

525
00:27:24.940 --> 00:27:26.860
they're amazing, they're perfect.

526
00:27:27.120 --> 00:27:29.480
We can talk all night and you stay up all night talking.

527
00:27:29.720 --> 00:27:30.920
You say you're not going to do it the next day,

528
00:27:30.940 --> 00:27:31.980
then you do it over again.

529
00:27:32.140 --> 00:27:34.420
And then you could believe like,

530
00:27:34.420 --> 00:27:36.040
this is something special on this.

531
00:27:36.620 --> 00:27:38.860
Or it could be you found somebody you like

532
00:27:38.860 --> 00:27:39.960
and it's the first two weeks

533
00:27:40.260 --> 00:27:42.740
and nature's just doing all the work for you.

534
00:27:43.660 --> 00:27:44.980
And if you just give it some time,

535
00:27:45.560 --> 00:27:48.540
you're going to find that everything is going to mellow out.

536
00:27:50.160 --> 00:27:50.640
Yeah.

537
00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:51.220
That make sense?

538
00:27:51.640 --> 00:27:52.420
It makes sense.

539
00:27:52.640 --> 00:27:53.340
And I'm trying,

540
00:27:53.980 --> 00:27:55.260
no, thank you for that.

541
00:27:55.540 --> 00:27:57.140
I also didn't really,

542
00:27:58.100 --> 00:27:59.060
Mr. Long Distance,

543
00:27:59.380 --> 00:28:01.480
I wasn't into him.

544
00:28:01.740 --> 00:28:02.880
I was really doing this,

545
00:28:03.140 --> 00:28:04.760
I was literally following the assignment,

546
00:28:04.980 --> 00:28:05.960
like date for discovery.

547
00:28:06.540 --> 00:28:09.260
Don't think, just date for discovery,

548
00:28:09.480 --> 00:28:10.920
just start the process.

549
00:28:11.060 --> 00:28:14.040
And then I was kind of running it in my brain,

550
00:28:14.140 --> 00:28:15.960
like the last day or so.

551
00:28:16.080 --> 00:28:17.800
And just like, how do I feel?

552
00:28:18.080 --> 00:28:20.480
Because I'm starting to feel something for this other one,

553
00:28:20.480 --> 00:28:21.720
but I don't know if I really do

554
00:28:21.720 --> 00:28:23.360
because I'm dating for discovery,

555
00:28:23.520 --> 00:28:25.240
but he's the man, man, man, man.

556
00:28:25.740 --> 00:28:27.920
And I'm just like, you know, anyway.

557
00:28:28.680 --> 00:28:30.040
So I'm just like, how do I feel about this one?

558
00:28:30.100 --> 00:28:31.220
And actually I quite like it.

559
00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:32.740
And just comparing the two,

560
00:28:32.900 --> 00:28:33.600
not comparing,

561
00:28:33.780 --> 00:28:35.880
but just thinking about how the different dynamics

562
00:28:35.880 --> 00:28:36.460
are within both.

563
00:28:36.580 --> 00:28:37.260
That was interesting.

564
00:28:37.660 --> 00:28:39.440
It was like, I like that that's happening

565
00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:40.960
and I like that that's not happening.

566
00:28:41.320 --> 00:28:42.620
And so it's just all of that.

567
00:28:42.700 --> 00:28:44.040
Is that part of what you mean, just?

568
00:28:45.300 --> 00:28:47.280
It's, oh, and the thing about this,

569
00:28:47.420 --> 00:28:49.940
that's the beauty of when you talk to multiple people.

570
00:28:50.460 --> 00:28:52.920
And so if you have the capacity,

571
00:28:53.160 --> 00:28:54.180
everybody doesn't have the capacity

572
00:28:54.180 --> 00:28:55.180
for what I'm about to say.

573
00:28:55.280 --> 00:28:57.420
This is not me telling you, this is what you should do.

574
00:28:57.500 --> 00:28:59.040
I am telling you what I did.

575
00:28:59.640 --> 00:29:01.200
I always, I don't do it now,

576
00:29:01.200 --> 00:29:03.240
but I always dated three at a time.

577
00:29:03.360 --> 00:29:05.600
And the best always rises to the top.

578
00:29:05.740 --> 00:29:07.100
The lowest one falls out.

579
00:29:07.140 --> 00:29:07.980
He's X'd out.

580
00:29:08.260 --> 00:29:09.540
Another one comes into the picture

581
00:29:09.640 --> 00:29:10.900
and there's this rotation.

582
00:29:11.020 --> 00:29:12.840
So what does the highest one at the top get?

583
00:29:12.860 --> 00:29:15.720
The highest one at the top gets the first peak of my time

584
00:29:16.400 --> 00:29:17.960
because this one I really like.

585
00:29:17.960 --> 00:29:20.940
And so I had something to compare to.

586
00:29:21.460 --> 00:29:24.740
And so, and it also helped me at the time when I was dating,

587
00:29:24.820 --> 00:29:27.360
I was more anxiously attached.

588
00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:31.220
I had a tendency to attach that way.

589
00:29:31.260 --> 00:29:35.100
And dating three people at one time helped balance me.

590
00:29:35.700 --> 00:29:38.080
And so of course, everybody, when I dated three people,

591
00:29:38.140 --> 00:29:39.560
couldn't get the same amount of time.

592
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:41.140
They weren't supposed to.

593
00:29:41.360 --> 00:29:42.560
I never tried to do that.

594
00:29:43.020 --> 00:29:45.860
And I had it actually very planned out with the schedule

595
00:29:45.860 --> 00:29:47.200
and who would talk what day.

596
00:29:47.200 --> 00:29:51.840
And so talking to multiple people helps with that.

597
00:29:53.080 --> 00:29:55.380
But everybody didn't get the same amount of injury

598
00:29:55.380 --> 00:29:57.300
or the same amount of time.

599
00:29:57.500 --> 00:29:59.980
But, and so it's just some juggling and it's okay.

600
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.760
that you compare is good to compare because it's helping you understand what you truly do enjoy.

601
00:30:05.820 --> 00:30:09.260
Yeah, thank you. That's what I need. That's exactly what I'm after. And what you just

602
00:30:09.260 --> 00:30:13.220
explained really helped me about the way you did it, because it's never been the norm for me. And

603
00:30:13.220 --> 00:30:18.820
I want that. That's what I want. I want to date more than one so that I can really grow. And

604
00:30:19.480 --> 00:30:21.820
yeah, it's perfect. Thank you. Thank you.

605
00:30:22.200 --> 00:30:24.600
Yeah, you're welcome. I'm so happy you joined us tonight, Dee.

606
00:30:25.520 --> 00:30:25.960
Thank you.

607
00:30:27.560 --> 00:30:32.380
H.K. Is your name Holly?

608
00:30:39.800 --> 00:30:44.400
Are you there, H.K.?

609
00:30:51.240 --> 00:30:55.460
All right. Let's go, Patty.

610
00:31:03.480 --> 00:31:05.720
Yes, Ebony, were you telling me to go ahead?

611
00:31:06.160 --> 00:31:10.080
Yep, yep. I don't know if H.K. disconnected or what happened.

612
00:31:12.000 --> 00:31:18.380
Okay. Well, this is for, not for right now, but maybe someday in the future,

613
00:31:18.540 --> 00:31:21.800
I'll meet a nice Christian gentleman who will ask for my phone number.

614
00:31:22.480 --> 00:31:23.880
And I know that you...

615
00:31:23.880 --> 00:31:29.540
Of course. That's the only way you're going to get married. So we know that's going to happen.

616
00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:42.800
So I know that you coach to get a Google voice number. And I understand more about that now

617
00:31:42.800 --> 00:31:46.560
because I Googled my own cell phone number, and it shows you quite a lot of information

618
00:31:46.560 --> 00:31:54.320
about the person. Okay. So I might, I might have to go with another brand like TextNow or whatever.

619
00:31:54.320 --> 00:31:57.700
But the two questions I have are,

620
00:32:01.380 --> 00:32:08.740
what have, like, I know you encourage voice, video calls, especially if you meet somebody on an app.

621
00:32:11.600 --> 00:32:17.800
But how do you do that with a, with a TextNow number or something? Because I looked it up and

622
00:32:17.800 --> 00:32:25.280
it looks like they, like WhatsApp, because I have an Android, right? So I can do FaceTime,

623
00:32:25.740 --> 00:32:32.220
but I could do WhatsApp. But they say that WhatsApp sometimes doesn't allow you to register

624
00:32:33.740 --> 00:32:40.440
that VOIP, whatever the special numbers that the, like, TextNow numbers. So I don't know if you've...

625
00:32:42.100 --> 00:32:48.140
Yeah. So do you have social? Do you have Facebook?

626
00:32:51.120 --> 00:32:53.420
Oh, man. I don't know if I'm breaking up.

627
00:32:54.620 --> 00:32:56.980
You have Facebook, so you can use Messenger.

628
00:32:59.600 --> 00:33:01.580
I could do Messenger. Yeah.

629
00:33:01.740 --> 00:33:06.160
You could do Messenger. You can do Zoom. You just send them the link.

630
00:33:07.060 --> 00:33:09.200
Oh, I could do Zoom with a...

631
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:18.480
You can do Google Meet. It's just a link to their email or even to their phone. It doesn't

632
00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:25.620
matter where you send it. And you can do Duo. Oh, Duo will be a phone. Yeah. So...

633
00:33:25.620 --> 00:33:28.500
Okay. We'll try Zoom and Google Meet.

634
00:33:29.180 --> 00:33:33.500
And, you know, on Facebook, you can do Messenger without being someone's friend.

635
00:33:35.100 --> 00:33:48.400
Okay. And then there's a... Okay. Okay. That's true. Okay. And then the other thing was how...

636
00:33:51.360 --> 00:33:58.860
Have you ever wanted to tell a person you're on real phone number? What do you say?

637
00:34:00.800 --> 00:34:04.780
You're... Hold up. You're going in and out. I don't know what you're saying.

638
00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:14.159
I'm saying that let's say I give the person my Text Now number, right? Or my Google Voice number.

639
00:34:14.340 --> 00:34:19.980
And then the relationship develops and everything is going well. And I want to give them my real

640
00:34:19.980 --> 00:34:24.620
phone number. Then how do I explain that I... The other number?

641
00:34:25.100 --> 00:34:29.239
Yeah. You can explain it to them early on if you want. You can say,

642
00:34:29.380 --> 00:34:32.020
hey, this is my Text Now number. It's not my number.

643
00:34:32.500 --> 00:34:35.440
I like to get to know a person before I give them my personal information.

644
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:41.719
That is completely understandable. Then... Oh, so you say that up front.

645
00:34:41.780 --> 00:34:43.100
Oh, okay. If you wanted to,

646
00:34:43.139 --> 00:34:46.960
like if you started liking them, you could just tell them like, hey, this is my Text Now number,

647
00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:52.360
or you could tell them later. But one, you are a woman and you have to protect yourself.

648
00:34:52.360 --> 00:34:55.320
So this is understandable. And it's like...

649
00:34:55.320 --> 00:34:55.600
That's the thing.

650
00:34:55.719 --> 00:34:57.620
Yeah. You don't trust me. I don't know you.

651
00:34:57.820 --> 00:34:58.420
Yeah, that's the thing.

652
00:34:58.620 --> 00:34:59.980
But anybody would...

653
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.200
anybody in any type of sense understands that. Yeah, you should just, yeah, explain to them

654
00:35:07.200 --> 00:35:12.340
like, hey, yeah, I think it's, I'm enjoying getting to know you. I would like to give you

655
00:35:12.340 --> 00:35:16.800
my real number. The number that you have been is the text now number. And that's what I use

656
00:35:16.800 --> 00:35:26.560
while I'm dating. And yeah. Okay. Thank you. All right. You're going to be red,

657
00:35:26.560 --> 00:35:31.900
honey, when he call you, you go ahead and number ready to roll.

658
00:35:36.180 --> 00:35:46.720
Yeah. Oh, man, Patty is breaking up. Okay. Um, uh, Joanne, tell us about your date.

659
00:35:47.700 --> 00:35:54.620
It just fancy fancy place. Oh, um, yeah, it was good. I actually went on two dates with him

660
00:35:54.620 --> 00:36:04.320
because, um, Saturday that the reservations, um, he made like two, two weeks ago. So he needed to

661
00:36:04.320 --> 00:36:10.620
book the reservations like way in advance. Um, so it was like, you know, I dressed up, I shared it.

662
00:36:11.140 --> 00:36:17.280
And, um, yeah, it was just interesting because we're like a completely opposite personalities.

663
00:36:17.580 --> 00:36:22.660
I know he's super Taiwanese. I mean, my parents are from Taiwan. So his way of expressing love

664
00:36:22.660 --> 00:36:29.260
is super acts of service and food and gifts. So he's lavishing like food on palm food and

665
00:36:29.820 --> 00:36:34.340
like, so stuff. I'm like, dude, if I'm going to be this guy, I'm going to gain weight. Cause then

666
00:36:34.380 --> 00:36:41.100
after we had like this five, six course meal, then you want to give me boba and then like popcorn

667
00:36:41.180 --> 00:36:52.640
chicken. I'm like, dude, I cannot like, this is too bad. And this was very sweet of him. But I

668
00:36:53.260 --> 00:36:57.100
food, like he knows it. And then he did share about his spiritual walk, which I've been praying

669
00:36:57.100 --> 00:37:02.860
for. Cause I'm like, I need a guy who has a real relationship with the Lord, but he's very shy about

670
00:37:02.920 --> 00:37:07.880
praying and like sharing his faith. Cause he doesn't feel he's a really good witness. And so

671
00:37:08.200 --> 00:37:14.480
I encouraged him and stuff. So, I mean, I had a decent time. Um, I was very thankful for like

672
00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:18.220
the food I got. It was so good. He kept on saying, do you like this? Do you like this? Take a picture,

673
00:37:18.220 --> 00:37:26.940
take a picture. Okay. So I did. And, um, yeah, but then I was like, that's so interesting. I was

674
00:37:26.980 --> 00:37:32.000
listening most of the time. He didn't really ask me that many questions. I think I tend to be a

675
00:37:32.280 --> 00:37:41.020
little interviewee. Um, I admit, and I did, I kind of did, I broke some of the rules he told me not

676
00:37:41.020 --> 00:37:45.220
to do. I did tell him like, I don't really like sarcasm. Cause he said some things that I'm like,

677
00:37:45.220 --> 00:37:50.880
that sounds mean, but I know he didn't mean it like that. I was just more like, I don't really

678
00:37:50.880 --> 00:37:56.880
like that. But what I do like about him is that he adjusts a bit. Like he, I think he's sensitive

679
00:37:56.900 --> 00:38:04.540
to my feedback. Um, and he tries. So, and then last night we went ax throw. Well, no, we went

680
00:38:04.540 --> 00:38:11.640
to dinner again. And then here we go again, like all this food, um, just like, I feel like I'm

681
00:38:11.640 --> 00:38:17.480
always trying to digest my food, you know, like, cause then we had Korean food and then we went

682
00:38:17.480 --> 00:38:24.660
ax throwing and, um, that was fine. It was just, oh yeah. And then I found out the reason why he

683
00:38:24.660 --> 00:38:31.400
doesn't ask questions is because like he thinks Taiwanese women, um, like think it would be

684
00:38:31.400 --> 00:38:36.380
pushy to like too nosy to ask questions. And I said, I'm really not that Taiwanese. I was born

685
00:38:36.380 --> 00:38:42.540
raised here. Like he's the Taiwanese guy is he, he came here when he's 14. So he's like,

686
00:38:43.600 --> 00:38:47.500
and I told him if it feels like when someone doesn't ask me a question, I don't really feel

687
00:38:47.500 --> 00:38:50.880
careful. He's like, that's not true. And I'm like, I totally believe you. And then, so he started

688
00:38:50.880 --> 00:38:56.580
asking me questions more like really meaningful questions, like really deep questions. And I was

689
00:38:56.580 --> 00:39:02.560
like, wow, this is kind of cool. Um, but yeah, my, my, my concern is just like, I don't know.

690
00:39:02.560 --> 00:39:09.240
Our personalities are so opposite. I'm an NF, like I'm an ENF, like PJ, it's like a Myers-Briggs

691
00:39:09.240 --> 00:39:15.380
and he's complete opposite of everything. He's like very logical, practical. He's not very

692
00:39:15.380 --> 00:39:21.860
verbally firming. Um, I don't even know if he's physically affectionate. Like, I don't, I don't

693
00:39:21.860 --> 00:39:27.200
know. I don't feel like romantic feelings, but I feel like he's like such a, he's a really good guy.

694
00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:33.100
Like he has his, owns his five bedroom house, you know, he's always like paying for everything,

695
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:37.740
taking care of everything. But then like emotionally, spiritually, I just don't know

696
00:39:38.400 --> 00:39:47.160
for like totally compatible. And then, um, and then like, uh, oh, so then afterwards he always,

697
00:39:47.640 --> 00:39:52.020
you know, after the day he'll always be like, oh, um, you know, text me when we get home,

698
00:39:52.020 --> 00:39:58.400
which is really nice. So I do. And, um, and then we'll text a little bit and I was sort of

699
00:39:58.400 --> 00:39:59.420
hinting at him, like,

700
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.720
I can't wait to go to these fall activities,

701
00:40:02.840 --> 00:40:05.260
hoping that he would be like, oh, do you want to go?

702
00:40:05.540 --> 00:40:06.040
You know what I mean?

703
00:40:06.740 --> 00:40:08.080
And he didn't.

704
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:10.460
I was like, what do I do?

705
00:40:10.580 --> 00:40:12.060
Should I say?

706
00:40:12.340 --> 00:40:13.940
I mean, I don't have feelings, but I

707
00:40:13.940 --> 00:40:16.780
do think he's really worth getting to know.

708
00:40:16.780 --> 00:40:18.800
Because he's very different than the type of person

709
00:40:18.800 --> 00:40:20.220
that I would date.

710
00:40:20.720 --> 00:40:22.960
And the people I've dated haven't worked out, right?

711
00:40:22.960 --> 00:40:25.660
So I'm like, I feel like he's a really good guy.

712
00:40:26.200 --> 00:40:28.740
So I mean, I totally would be open to going on another date,

713
00:40:28.740 --> 00:40:30.300
other than the other reservation he

714
00:40:30.300 --> 00:40:32.600
made, like two weeks out for another fancy restaurant.

715
00:40:34.240 --> 00:40:36.180
So yeah, that's my update.

716
00:40:36.240 --> 00:40:37.600
But then what do you think about the,

717
00:40:39.200 --> 00:40:41.920
should I just be direct with him?

718
00:40:42.300 --> 00:40:47.800
Be like, let's go together, or something,

719
00:40:47.960 --> 00:40:52.200
to this event that I was saying this would be,

720
00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:53.520
I want to go to this.

721
00:40:53.640 --> 00:40:55.100
And then he's like, oh, that looks fun.

722
00:40:55.200 --> 00:40:58.420
And I'm like, hello, why are you asking me

723
00:40:58.420 --> 00:40:59.700
like, let's go do this.

724
00:40:59.980 --> 00:41:01.200
So I'm like, I don't know.

725
00:41:01.480 --> 00:41:03.700
This is where I'm like, I feel I'm doing around.

726
00:41:03.860 --> 00:41:05.680
And I don't know if I, I don't know.

727
00:41:05.720 --> 00:41:07.160
Yes, that's my question.

728
00:41:08.140 --> 00:41:10.340
So I'm glad you had a good time.

729
00:41:10.540 --> 00:41:13.180
You know, you don't have to have romantic feelings.

730
00:41:13.340 --> 00:41:14.420
You don't know him.

731
00:41:15.160 --> 00:41:17.660
You don't have to be opposites do attract.

732
00:41:18.060 --> 00:41:20.440
If that's the commit you said you wanted to take back,

733
00:41:20.460 --> 00:41:21.860
you don't have to take that back.

734
00:41:22.840 --> 00:41:25.800
You're not looking for another you, Joanne.

735
00:41:26.680 --> 00:41:29.640
It's not, God is not giving you a replica of you.

736
00:41:30.040 --> 00:41:30.040


737
00:41:30.400 --> 00:41:30.860
Okay.

738
00:41:30.860 --> 00:41:33.080
And so we have to remember that

739
00:41:33.140 --> 00:41:35.200
when someone comes into our life,

740
00:41:35.200 --> 00:41:36.640
and I'm not saying this is your spouse,

741
00:41:36.720 --> 00:41:38.060
but you have to bear in mind

742
00:41:38.160 --> 00:41:40.640
that we carry something that they need

743
00:41:40.640 --> 00:41:42.660
and they carry something that we need.

744
00:41:42.780 --> 00:41:47.140
And if we keep our eyes in a sense, a state of,

745
00:41:47.840 --> 00:41:49.100
they are not like me.

746
00:41:49.100 --> 00:41:50.480
Of course, they're not like you.

747
00:41:50.700 --> 00:41:52.040
They're not you.

748
00:41:53.980 --> 00:41:58.520
This idea that I get a replica of me is costly

749
00:41:59.540 --> 00:42:01.660
because it can't, you're going to get to know him

750
00:42:01.660 --> 00:42:03.940
because you're wise that way, right?

751
00:42:03.940 --> 00:42:05.820
So you're going to override those things,

752
00:42:05.820 --> 00:42:08.640
but this is just a really good teachable moment, you guys,

753
00:42:08.800 --> 00:42:11.000
that nobody's supposed to be just like you.

754
00:42:11.860 --> 00:42:15.100
There are foundational things that are non-negotiable.

755
00:42:15.360 --> 00:42:16.640
Those foundational things,

756
00:42:16.960 --> 00:42:18.720
depending on where you are in your journey with Christ,

757
00:42:18.760 --> 00:42:21.180
some people it's different levels.

758
00:42:21.820 --> 00:42:23.640
Some people, as long as you go to church,

759
00:42:23.660 --> 00:42:24.400
I'm good with that.

760
00:42:24.420 --> 00:42:25.640
And there's nothing wrong with it.

761
00:42:25.720 --> 00:42:26.660
That's who you are.

762
00:42:26.780 --> 00:42:27.700
That's where you are.

763
00:42:27.900 --> 00:42:29.980
Then some people, if you're in leadership and ministry,

764
00:42:30.060 --> 00:42:32.600
like every different level calls for something different,

765
00:42:32.600 --> 00:42:34.020
but there is foundation.

766
00:42:34.160 --> 00:42:35.020
They have to be mature.

767
00:42:35.140 --> 00:42:36.320
They have to be marriage-minded

768
00:42:36.340 --> 00:42:37.800
and they have to be masculine.

769
00:42:38.040 --> 00:42:39.120
That doesn't change.

770
00:42:39.180 --> 00:42:40.780
This has nothing to do with,

771
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:45.400
you have to be compatible in that way, right?

772
00:42:45.600 --> 00:42:48.740
You have to have someone that is going to be

773
00:42:48.740 --> 00:42:50.640
in the masculine order in the home

774
00:42:50.640 --> 00:42:52.600
as you operate in your feminine order.

775
00:42:52.880 --> 00:42:54.300
Those are non-negotiables.

776
00:42:54.860 --> 00:42:57.560
But other than that, you have to,

777
00:42:58.520 --> 00:43:00.840
I don't know if you've ever heard of,

778
00:43:01.420 --> 00:43:02.640
oh, you're not in third year,

779
00:43:02.740 --> 00:43:05.720
but if you've ever, Jackie and David are,

780
00:43:06.100 --> 00:43:07.600
if you know Jackie's husband, David,

781
00:43:07.740 --> 00:43:09.720
they are a lot different,

782
00:43:10.860 --> 00:43:13.420
but he is steady and solid.

783
00:43:13.940 --> 00:43:16.920
And Jackie is, Jackie, she's very charismatic

784
00:43:16.920 --> 00:43:20.480
and they're different.

785
00:43:20.980 --> 00:43:23.540
Most people I know that are married are different.

786
00:43:24.740 --> 00:43:25.860
They are not the same.

787
00:43:26.100 --> 00:43:29.520
And so I just want to kind of tap on that a little bit.

788
00:43:29.940 --> 00:43:32.280
And so I think that getting to know him

789
00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:33.680
would be really good for you.

790
00:43:34.580 --> 00:43:35.840
I forgot what question you just asked me,

791
00:43:35.900 --> 00:43:37.760
but I don't want to forget this question for you.

792
00:43:37.800 --> 00:43:40.860
Ask me about abstinence and when do you talk about that?

793
00:43:40.920 --> 00:43:43.480
And you guys, the talk with the person

794
00:43:43.480 --> 00:43:45.880
that I'm not going to have sex before I get married

795
00:43:45.880 --> 00:43:48.900
is not like at the top of your to-do list.

796
00:43:50.540 --> 00:43:52.160
You know, you don't have to clear the way

797
00:43:52.160 --> 00:43:53.340
for something like that.

798
00:43:53.720 --> 00:43:56.960
That's going to come up when somebody,

799
00:43:57.220 --> 00:43:59.080
when a man wants to kiss you.

800
00:43:59.880 --> 00:44:00.720
Men are visual.

801
00:44:01.700 --> 00:44:03.320
When they see a pretty woman,

802
00:44:03.380 --> 00:44:05.120
they start getting to want to know a woman,

803
00:44:05.300 --> 00:44:06.500
they may want to kiss you.

804
00:44:06.600 --> 00:44:09.780
And then you get to say, hey, not in this stage,

805
00:44:09.860 --> 00:44:12.240
but maybe one day when we get there, we can,

806
00:44:12.440 --> 00:44:14.600
or whatever you want, however you want to respond to it.

807
00:44:15.200 --> 00:44:15.500
Right?

808
00:44:16.180 --> 00:44:17.660
There's going to come a time

809
00:44:17.700 --> 00:44:20.620
that you have to have a discussion about these things.

810
00:44:21.180 --> 00:44:23.400
And sometimes we're like, well, I don't want to get too far

811
00:44:23.400 --> 00:44:24.780
and I really like them.

812
00:44:24.780 --> 00:44:26.620
And then all of a sudden when I say that,

813
00:44:26.620 --> 00:44:27.940
they don't like me back.

814
00:44:28.140 --> 00:44:31.040
You're going to know if you're dealing with an honorable man.

815
00:44:31.380 --> 00:44:33.700
It won't take long to figure that out.

816
00:44:35.480 --> 00:44:36.580
You're God defended.

817
00:44:36.860 --> 00:44:38.420
There are going to be things that come up.

818
00:44:38.520 --> 00:44:39.820
If a man says he's righteous,

819
00:44:39.900 --> 00:44:41.960
you're going to know if he's really righteous or not.

820
00:44:41.960 --> 00:44:44.580
You just give it time because men are visual.

821
00:44:44.720 --> 00:44:46.900
You're going to know if a man operates in self-discipline,

822
00:44:47.140 --> 00:44:48.980
if he's able to discipline himself.

823
00:44:50.120 --> 00:44:52.020
Just like he's going to know about you

824
00:44:52.020 --> 00:44:53.600
if you're able to discipline yourself.

825
00:44:54.220 --> 00:44:56.400
Or as soon as you get a chance to get hemmed up,

826
00:44:57.040 --> 00:44:59.700
you operate out of not being disciplined.

827
00:44:59.800 --> 00:44:59.980
You're disciplined.

828
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.800
no different than the man, right?

829
00:45:02.800 --> 00:45:05.020
So he's gonna get a chance to see how disciplined you are.

830
00:45:05.120 --> 00:45:07.520
He's gonna get a chance to see how you hold to your word,

831
00:45:07.580 --> 00:45:09.420
to your standards and about who you are

832
00:45:09.420 --> 00:45:10.840
and the same thing for him.

833
00:45:11.120 --> 00:45:13.240
And so the conversation about abstinence

834
00:45:13.240 --> 00:45:15.880
is gonna have its time and its space.

835
00:45:16.200 --> 00:45:17.160
It does not-

836
00:45:17.160 --> 00:45:18.920
I asked him, Ebony.

837
00:45:19.520 --> 00:45:22.580
Yeah, but I'm glad, it's fine that you asked him

838
00:45:22.580 --> 00:45:24.860
because you guys, when you're talking to a person,

839
00:45:24.940 --> 00:45:29.000
you have the right to operate however you choose to operate.

840
00:45:29.000 --> 00:45:30.720
And I don't ever want y'all to think,

841
00:45:31.140 --> 00:45:32.340
oh, because I did it, it wasn't my move.

842
00:45:32.400 --> 00:45:33.340
It's not wisdom.

843
00:45:33.680 --> 00:45:35.660
It really could not be wisdom,

844
00:45:36.140 --> 00:45:38.660
but that's who you are and where you are.

845
00:45:39.760 --> 00:45:42.060
And don't make it a bad place.

846
00:45:42.080 --> 00:45:43.480
It's just who you are and where you are

847
00:45:43.480 --> 00:45:45.260
and that's what makes you feel safe.

848
00:45:46.360 --> 00:45:48.660
And you're not willing to override

849
00:45:48.680 --> 00:45:51.980
that safety mechanism for you for something else.

850
00:45:52.160 --> 00:45:54.480
That's just, it's okay.

851
00:45:55.080 --> 00:45:57.440
You're the one doing this process

852
00:45:58.340 --> 00:46:00.240
and you can't mess it up.

853
00:46:00.340 --> 00:46:01.200
God is with you.

854
00:46:01.320 --> 00:46:02.100
It's a journey.

855
00:46:03.480 --> 00:46:07.140
And so say what you wanna say and do those things.

856
00:46:07.200 --> 00:46:09.500
You can do it this way or do it that way.

857
00:46:09.500 --> 00:46:13.380
And then you get to see, what did it produce for me?

858
00:46:13.880 --> 00:46:16.560
With all my precautions and my interviews,

859
00:46:16.960 --> 00:46:18.660
how safe did it really make me?

860
00:46:20.680 --> 00:46:24.200
Right, with every little thing, nail I put in place,

861
00:46:24.280 --> 00:46:26.600
did it really do what I expected it to do?

862
00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:30.000
And we grow to the place where we have to learn

863
00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:32.340
that we can't interview a person enough for safety.

864
00:46:33.060 --> 00:46:34.720
That safety truly does come within

865
00:46:34.720 --> 00:46:36.320
and understand that we're God-defending

866
00:46:36.320 --> 00:46:38.440
and that we're surrendering the pen to the Lord.

867
00:46:38.900 --> 00:46:40.280
And so when we have trouble,

868
00:46:42.020 --> 00:46:45.400
surrendering the pen is gonna show up in our need

869
00:46:45.480 --> 00:46:48.040
to if a person says something with their mouth,

870
00:46:48.080 --> 00:46:49.440
it makes us feel safe.

871
00:46:51.320 --> 00:46:54.820
Women, we are, just what we are, we need to hear.

872
00:46:55.000 --> 00:46:56.000
It's the way we connect.

873
00:46:56.000 --> 00:46:56.700
It's the words.

874
00:46:56.920 --> 00:46:57.860
And then when something happens,

875
00:46:57.900 --> 00:47:01.720
you're gonna say, well, he said, he said, he said, he said.

876
00:47:01.840 --> 00:47:03.360
Well, what does he say?

877
00:47:03.480 --> 00:47:05.660
As a matter of fact, what is what you said?

878
00:47:07.200 --> 00:47:08.740
We're just people.

879
00:47:08.820 --> 00:47:12.060
People, the process of getting to know somebody

880
00:47:12.060 --> 00:47:14.000
is the reason there's a process

881
00:47:14.620 --> 00:47:18.240
because that's just what it takes, right?

882
00:47:18.240 --> 00:47:19.280
It's a development.

883
00:47:19.760 --> 00:47:21.900
And so I don't wanna hammer on that too hard,

884
00:47:21.960 --> 00:47:23.300
but I do want y'all to know

885
00:47:23.300 --> 00:47:25.140
because that's a question we get all the time.

886
00:47:25.140 --> 00:47:27.840
When do I tell them I'm not having sex till I'm married?

887
00:47:28.520 --> 00:47:31.020
You can tell them tomorrow if you want to.

888
00:47:32.220 --> 00:47:33.440
I don't know what this is gonna do

889
00:47:33.440 --> 00:47:34.600
when y'all get hot and heavy.

890
00:47:34.660 --> 00:47:36.520
I hope you can hold up to your word.

891
00:47:38.900 --> 00:47:40.720
So, you know, I'm just saying,

892
00:47:40.820 --> 00:47:43.100
I just hope you have a purity plan in place

893
00:47:45.040 --> 00:47:48.560
because, you know, I just hope that when you said it,

894
00:47:48.560 --> 00:47:50.280
when those boundaries are tested,

895
00:47:50.400 --> 00:47:53.100
that you have something in place to help you

896
00:47:53.100 --> 00:47:54.820
because you're gonna need help.

897
00:47:56.320 --> 00:47:58.340
We all need help.

898
00:47:59.020 --> 00:48:01.160
So, it's okay, Julian.

899
00:48:01.820 --> 00:48:03.860
I should have known you already exed.

900
00:48:05.140 --> 00:48:07.520
Well, can I tell you his response?

901
00:48:07.720 --> 00:48:09.840
And then I want you to address my question.

902
00:48:10.660 --> 00:48:13.820
His response wasn't terrible, which is not ideal.

903
00:48:14.320 --> 00:48:18.660
He basically said he doesn't know,

904
00:48:18.680 --> 00:48:21.120
he hasn't found, and based on, I don't know,

905
00:48:21.120 --> 00:48:23.520
which pastors he's been talking to at his church,

906
00:48:23.740 --> 00:48:26.200
but he doesn't think there's anything obvious

907
00:48:26.200 --> 00:48:27.280
in scripture that says,

908
00:48:27.300 --> 00:48:29.060
and I've gone this so many times with men,

909
00:48:29.480 --> 00:48:31.880
that says you cannot have sex before marriage.

910
00:48:32.580 --> 00:48:34.640
Because in his heart, and I believe him,

911
00:48:34.740 --> 00:48:37.580
every person he's dated, he's always intended to marry them.

912
00:48:38.040 --> 00:48:40.780
And it's my sense that he's a very loyal person.

913
00:48:40.980 --> 00:48:43.320
Like, he's had two girlfriends cheat on him.

914
00:48:43.760 --> 00:48:46.440
And so, like, in his mind, it's like,

915
00:48:46.440 --> 00:48:48.740
I wanted to marry her, I was planning to,

916
00:48:48.840 --> 00:48:50.420
so then I felt it was okay or whatever.

917
00:48:51.020 --> 00:48:53.340
So basically, his response was,

918
00:48:53.560 --> 00:48:55.940
it's really up to the couple and the person.

919
00:48:56.360 --> 00:48:59.340
And I was like, well, this is where I stand.

920
00:48:59.560 --> 00:49:02.900
But I do trust that he's a person who's honorable,

921
00:49:03.480 --> 00:49:05.500
like, he has very good self-control,

922
00:49:05.900 --> 00:49:08.340
and just in his daily habits, I can tell.

923
00:49:08.760 --> 00:49:10.140
But I don't know for sure, right,

924
00:49:10.300 --> 00:49:13.560
until when you're in that situation, if it ever gets that.

925
00:49:13.580 --> 00:49:16.440
But it wasn't ideal, because I want a man

926
00:49:16.440 --> 00:49:18.420
who's convicted by the fear of the Lord,

927
00:49:18.420 --> 00:49:20.720
that's what drives him, not because I'm,

928
00:49:20.760 --> 00:49:23.680
or someone's like, no, I don't wanna do that, you know?

929
00:49:23.680 --> 00:49:28.180
But I don't think it's a deal breaker for me, personally,

930
00:49:29.200 --> 00:49:32.220
because I don't feel I'm, like, super weak in that area.

931
00:49:32.380 --> 00:49:34.420
Like, I'm a, obviously, we're sexual beings,

932
00:49:34.500 --> 00:49:36.880
but I feel like God's helped me have good boundaries.

933
00:49:37.660 --> 00:49:43.060
But my question was more like, do I make it clear?

934
00:49:43.140 --> 00:49:45.280
I wanna go to this thing, this fall.

935
00:49:45.280 --> 00:49:48.120
Oh, yeah, okay, that question, yeah, let me grab that one.

936
00:49:48.180 --> 00:49:50.260
So, now, if you wanna go, Joanne,

937
00:49:50.340 --> 00:49:51.500
you need to tell him you would like

938
00:49:51.500 --> 00:49:53.000
to go with him to the event.

939
00:49:54.300 --> 00:49:55.620
Oh, I should just be blunt?

940
00:49:55.880 --> 00:49:58.320
So, but then, okay, okay, okay.

941
00:49:58.400 --> 00:49:59.940
I got that, but I wanna.

942
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.480
share my narrative because I'm like, I want it. I'm I have this

943
00:50:04.480 --> 00:50:07.760
very old more old fashioned conservative mindset. Like if

944
00:50:07.760 --> 00:50:10.340
the guy is really interested in wanting to get to know me more

945
00:50:10.340 --> 00:50:13.500
than he was, shouldn't he be asking me on the next day?

946
00:50:14.480 --> 00:50:18.140
He did actually on the next day. The problem is you want to go on

947
00:50:18.140 --> 00:50:19.480
this particular event.

948
00:50:20.440 --> 00:50:22.840
I do. And I want to go with him.

949
00:50:22.840 --> 00:50:26.920
I think you're gonna have to ask this man about this event. Tell

950
00:50:26.920 --> 00:50:29.980
him Hey, for our next day, I would love for us to go to this

951
00:50:29.980 --> 00:50:33.020
place. Is this something you're interested in us doing?

952
00:50:33.620 --> 00:50:35.780
Oh, really? You didn't think that's like too forward or like

953
00:50:35.780 --> 00:50:36.900
initiating or like,

954
00:50:37.300 --> 00:50:39.460
Oh, do you think asking somebody what they think about

955
00:50:39.580 --> 00:50:41.640
absenteeism is too forward and you don't really know him?

956
00:50:44.980 --> 00:50:49.780
Okay, you gotta stop with this one sided stuff.

957
00:50:51.180 --> 00:50:56.240
Okay. Okay. So so you think it's appropriate and it's totally

958
00:50:56.240 --> 00:50:58.840
because I was thinking, well, maybe he's not that interested.

959
00:50:58.840 --> 00:51:02.860
Maybe like, that's why he's not saying anything to me. Like when

960
00:51:02.920 --> 00:51:06.540
I say, Hey, I like I really want to go to this event. And he's

961
00:51:06.540 --> 00:51:09.940
like, yeah, that looks cool. And I'm like, it doesn't mean he

962
00:51:09.940 --> 00:51:12.320
doesn't want to, like, doesn't

963
00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:14.840
like, well, if you had to ask the question, you would have

964
00:51:14.840 --> 00:51:18.580
found out what he felt, but you didn't ask the question. You

965
00:51:18.580 --> 00:51:21.040
just say, Oh, he's like, Oh, that's cool.

966
00:51:21.960 --> 00:51:24.780
Oh, yeah, he's very literal. I was thinking he maybe that's

967
00:51:24.780 --> 00:51:27.660
what's going on. Because he's just like, okay, that's cool.

968
00:51:27.660 --> 00:51:30.660
You want to go so I'm not gonna assume anything. But I figure

969
00:51:30.680 --> 00:51:34.580
wouldn't he be like, she wants to go I should ask her.

970
00:51:35.260 --> 00:51:41.240
No. Even if he did do it, that's the wrong assumption. Um, I

971
00:51:41.240 --> 00:51:43.960
don't know what this thing is. I have to process a little more

972
00:51:43.960 --> 00:51:48.080
about what you have what this dance you do with things. Okay.

973
00:51:48.080 --> 00:51:52.560
And you you project and you want someone to show up and think the

974
00:51:52.560 --> 00:51:56.060
way you think and to do it the way you would do it. And that's

975
00:51:56.060 --> 00:52:01.200
just not that's not a good service to yourself or to anyone

976
00:52:01.200 --> 00:52:06.560
that you would do life with. Um, if you if this is how you're

977
00:52:06.560 --> 00:52:10.040
operating in this arena, that's not going to serve you best in

978
00:52:09.900 --> 00:52:13.540
marriage. Nobody's a mind reader. That's this idea of

979
00:52:13.540 --> 00:52:17.860
this really toxic idea that men can read the minds of women.

980
00:52:18.020 --> 00:52:21.520
Men and women are two different creatures. If they want

981
00:52:21.520 --> 00:52:23.720
something, they say what they want. They're real simple.

982
00:52:25.060 --> 00:52:30.060
Women take a sign of I said it, he did it that he really he just

983
00:52:30.060 --> 00:52:33.680
like you said, maybe he's not that into me. Even if he said

984
00:52:33.720 --> 00:52:37.600
yes, it still doesn't draw a line that he's so into you. He

985
00:52:37.600 --> 00:52:40.500
just heard it was something you like and maybe he liked it too.

986
00:52:40.720 --> 00:52:43.280
But see what happens when we start doing this, we connect

987
00:52:43.280 --> 00:52:48.040
things to things that aren't even true. Like I got friends

988
00:52:48.040 --> 00:52:50.300
who we want to do stuff. I don't want to do it. And I'm just

989
00:52:50.300 --> 00:52:56.500
like, Okay, I'm not. They're my friends. So I'm doing it like

990
00:52:56.500 --> 00:53:01.500
these same things are, you know, it's just so Joanne, if you

991
00:53:01.500 --> 00:53:04.540
would like to go, you can say I don't know if you heard me

992
00:53:04.540 --> 00:53:07.080
mentioned the other day, but I think this will be a really good

993
00:53:07.080 --> 00:53:09.240
date for us. What do you think?

994
00:53:10.760 --> 00:53:13.400
Okay, I could totally I would totally do that with my friends.

995
00:53:13.400 --> 00:53:14.440
Hey, you want to go?

996
00:53:15.140 --> 00:53:16.360
Okay, can you do with this? Yeah.

997
00:53:17.340 --> 00:53:21.440
Yeah, I guess I can totally do that. I just want to Yeah, I

998
00:53:21.440 --> 00:53:24.640
will. I will. I just want to make sure I'm not being like

999
00:53:24.640 --> 00:53:27.480
driving the bus or being the leader or something like that.

1000
00:53:28.040 --> 00:53:30.800
Well, you know, we talked about this before. I will repeat

1001
00:53:30.800 --> 00:53:34.900
myself again. You are not driving the bus. You are using

1002
00:53:34.900 --> 00:53:40.220
your own voice. And I want to go back to this abstinence thing.

1003
00:53:40.220 --> 00:53:43.520
You drive the bus with what matters the most to you because

1004
00:53:43.520 --> 00:53:45.660
you are a bus driver, Joanne.

1005
00:53:46.680 --> 00:53:50.840
On the very important non compromising things I am.

1006
00:53:51.000 --> 00:53:55.220
Yes. So you drive the bus. We all know you drive the bus. But

1007
00:53:55.220 --> 00:53:58.760
this is not driving a bus. This man is taking you out and

1008
00:53:58.760 --> 00:54:02.720
treated you well. He's treated you very well.

1009
00:54:03.580 --> 00:54:03.600
He has.

1010
00:54:04.220 --> 00:54:09.340
And so I just think that yeah, he's driving a bus. He just

1011
00:54:09.340 --> 00:54:12.460
don't know where to go. He doesn't know where you want to

1012
00:54:12.460 --> 00:54:13.920
go. That's right, Nikki.

1013
00:54:16.420 --> 00:54:23.000
So, you know, just just just enjoy the journey and try it.

1014
00:54:23.020 --> 00:54:28.640
See how you feel when you see it. Okay, try it. Okay. Okay.

1015
00:54:28.780 --> 00:54:29.740
Thank you.

1016
00:54:30.440 --> 00:54:32.680
You're welcome. Hey, Aubrey.

1017
00:54:39.240 --> 00:54:41.200
Hi. Hey.

1018
00:54:42.900 --> 00:54:44.140
How's it going?

1019
00:54:46.720 --> 00:54:47.680
I know.

1020
00:54:50.900 --> 00:54:54.000
So I'm gonna get y'all up to speed and then Aubrey can take

1021
00:54:54.000 --> 00:54:56.640
it from there. You want me to get them up to speed, Aubrey?

1022
00:54:57.020 --> 00:54:58.240
That's fine. Yeah.

1023
00:54:58.400 --> 00:54:59.980
Okay. She was dating.

1024
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.240
someone that she really liked. I still remember when they started dating. They were long distance

1025
00:55:04.240 --> 00:55:11.420
and they have been dating for about, are we like at five months? Yeah, five and it was about five

1026
00:55:11.420 --> 00:55:15.780
and a half. Five and a half months. They both traveling back and forth flying to see each other

1027
00:55:15.820 --> 00:55:22.480
and they weren't able to agree upon spiritual things. They were very important to Aubrey and

1028
00:55:22.480 --> 00:55:31.960
she had to release him. This is her journey of healing because it hurts so bad. I know how

1029
00:55:31.960 --> 00:55:49.700
that feels. She's giving us an update tonight about how everything is going. The breakup part

1030
00:55:49.700 --> 00:55:56.540
was really bad. It did not go well at all, but I honestly feel like,

1031
00:55:57.480 --> 00:56:02.420
you know, at the very beginning, Ebony, you were like, what's going to happen next time? He sets a

1032
00:56:03.260 --> 00:56:15.560
boundary and you were right about that. I guess what I have realized about myself is it's so,

1033
00:56:15.560 --> 00:56:23.580
hard for me to say no when there's someone who's insisting on something or what they want.

1034
00:56:24.980 --> 00:56:31.120
It was really challenging because I felt like the end was maybe the conversation that should

1035
00:56:31.120 --> 00:56:37.200
have happened at the very beginning when he pushed and wanted something that I wasn't ready

1036
00:56:38.140 --> 00:56:45.460
to commit to, if that makes sense. I felt like I was going to lose the opportunity if I didn't say

1037
00:56:45.460 --> 00:56:54.560
yes. Even though I wasn't actually confident in that yes, I was willing to bend because I didn't

1038
00:56:54.560 --> 00:57:09.820
want to lose him. Anyways, it's been really challenging. The follow-up on all of that too

1039
00:57:09.820 --> 00:57:17.460
is basically, he was like, I want to know if you're in this or if you're not in this.

1040
00:57:19.580 --> 00:57:24.600
Because he's an immigrant and there's a lot of decisions he has to make about his future,

1041
00:57:24.760 --> 00:57:27.900
it's like, he's like, I just want to know if we're doing this or we're not. I'm like,

1042
00:57:28.300 --> 00:57:35.380
okay, I'm not prepared to say I'm in this, in this, in this. We've seen each other,

1043
00:57:35.380 --> 00:57:42.380
we've done five visits, which is good for long distance, I think, and for that period of time.

1044
00:57:44.600 --> 00:57:51.480
But I just felt like we kept coming back to these conversations over and over and not

1045
00:57:51.480 --> 00:57:56.840
making progress. His solution was like, okay, you're going to live your convictions,

1046
00:57:57.160 --> 00:58:03.660
I'm going to live mine, and we'll teach our kids both. I was like, that's not what I want.

1047
00:58:03.660 --> 00:58:12.680
I know people do that. He gave his friend, his friend's parents, his mom is a devout Catholic

1048
00:58:12.680 --> 00:58:16.800
and his dad is super Baptist, and so they went to mass and then they went to church.

1049
00:58:17.280 --> 00:58:21.800
This is how they raised their family. He's like, it was fine, it was great.

1050
00:58:23.240 --> 00:58:29.940
And I'm like, maybe you can do that, but I'm like, but that's not what I want. I want

1051
00:58:29.940 --> 00:58:35.620
intentional discipleship for my children. I want not like, oh, dad says this is true,

1052
00:58:35.780 --> 00:58:40.060
mom says this is true, and they're conflicting. That's not what I want. It's like, even though

1053
00:58:40.060 --> 00:58:50.300
I like you, that's not what I want for my future. So anyways, it was really hard. He said,

1054
00:58:50.960 --> 00:58:55.960
you just didn't like me if you liked me. When you like someone, when you love someone,

1055
00:58:55.960 --> 00:59:03.640
you just make it work. And I'm like, okay, I don't think that that's true, because I

1056
00:59:04.120 --> 00:59:10.260
care about you, and I do actually like you, but it's like where this is going is not where I want

1057
00:59:10.260 --> 00:59:19.320
to go. So that's anyways, but I think one of the biggest things that well, and now progress. So

1058
00:59:19.920 --> 00:59:25.240
after a few days, he, after that conversation, he was like, how many more times you're going

1059
00:59:25.240 --> 00:59:31.480
to call me and tell me that this isn't going to work. You're just saying the same thing over and

1060
00:59:33.480 --> 00:59:37.640
over. And so I'm thinking, okay, he's maybe a little hostile. He does not want to hear from

1061
00:59:37.640 --> 00:59:42.340
me. I'm like, I want to know how he's doing, but clearly he was not happy with the conversation.

1062
00:59:42.660 --> 00:59:47.280
It wasn't what he wanted. So I'm like, I'm not going to reach out to the man like I need to

1063
00:59:47.280 --> 00:59:53.720
like, give him some space. But after a few days, he messaged my mom on Facebook

1064
00:59:54.700 --> 00:59:59.980
and like apologized because when he came, he stayed with my parents. He's like a

1065
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.880
Mutual family friend, right? So we have friend anyways

1066
01:00:05.620 --> 01:00:06.680
So he like

1067
01:00:06.880 --> 01:00:13.800
Apologized and he thanked them for welcoming welcoming him into their home because he visited three times and two of those three times

1068
01:00:13.800 --> 01:00:15.220
He stayed at my parents house

1069
01:00:15.940 --> 01:00:19.980
And then he asked can I talk to could I talk to Nathan? That's my dad

1070
01:00:20.680 --> 01:00:22.880
So I'm very close with my family

1071
01:00:24.180 --> 01:00:26.180
Anyways, so he ended up

1072
01:00:27.000 --> 01:00:32.060
Calling my dad and they talked for like an hour and a half about theology because he was like

1073
01:00:32.060 --> 01:00:36.960
I want to understand he's asking my dad questions trying to I guess

1074
01:00:37.180 --> 01:00:42.020
Understand and brought up a lot of the things that I had mentioned in conversations

1075
01:00:44.640 --> 01:00:45.160
and

1076
01:00:45.160 --> 01:00:47.040
so I feel like he

1077
01:00:47.380 --> 01:00:54.020
Then he asked my dad for could I do I have permission to like reach out to Aubrey and I'm like I never told him

1078
01:00:54.020 --> 01:00:59.980
He couldn't talk to me. I never blocked him. I never said don't speak to me, but he was like, can I reach out to Aubrey?

1079
01:01:01.020 --> 01:01:03.960
And I'm like my dad was like, how do you feel about that?

1080
01:01:03.960 --> 01:01:08.960
Like my dad was one of the biggest proponents of like Aubrey. I don't think that this is good

1081
01:01:08.960 --> 01:01:10.860
I don't think this is gonna work and

1082
01:01:11.900 --> 01:01:12.380
if

1083
01:01:14.640 --> 01:01:23.220
He's like you're you can't build a home on like division it can't be like you can't you can't have duality in your home

1084
01:01:24.080 --> 01:01:26.520
So anyway, so they have this conversation

1085
01:01:26.820 --> 01:01:34.020
For an hour and a half. He's asking them lots of questions. My dad is a very peaceful man. Very like what?

1086
01:01:35.700 --> 01:01:38.920
Approachable peaceful aren't kind kind of man

1087
01:01:40.280 --> 01:01:40.880
so

1088
01:01:41.880 --> 01:01:44.560
anyways, they they have this conversation and

1089
01:01:45.500 --> 01:01:46.420
I'm all

1090
01:01:46.900 --> 01:01:52.380
So then he actually texted me yesterday Lucas texted me yesterday and was like, hey

1091
01:01:52.380 --> 01:01:55.160
I've been thinking a lot about all the things that you said

1092
01:01:55.460 --> 01:01:57.300
Would you be open to have a phone call?

1093
01:01:58.020 --> 01:01:59.940
so I'm like, okay, I

1094
01:02:02.200 --> 01:02:04.800
Told him well sure I'm open to have a phone call

1095
01:02:04.800 --> 01:02:12.220
But I'm kind of like if things don't change it still doesn't work. So in my mind, so I I just

1096
01:02:12.780 --> 01:02:19.580
It's been really challenging. This other reality is too. I'm like, okay if things could change could I be open to this?

1097
01:02:19.580 --> 01:02:25.500
Would I possibly open to this? There's still the reality of distance. That's really really hard for me. Like I

1098
01:02:26.840 --> 01:02:30.600
Don't know if you know the 70, but this was like my fourth long-distance relationship

1099
01:02:30.780 --> 01:02:36.340
I've had I've dated people I've had five boyfriends over since I was like 18

1100
01:02:36.900 --> 01:02:39.220
This is the fourth long-distance

1101
01:02:39.900 --> 01:02:46.100
Relationship and it's so hard for me because I feel like I get stuck in my head and there's so much space

1102
01:02:46.100 --> 01:02:52.760
Where there's unknowns and I I'm like a this what about this in this I'm like a

1103
01:02:53.040 --> 01:02:57.640
Analyzer, right? There's some people I think they like look at someone. They're like, that's my person and I'm they're like good

1104
01:02:57.640 --> 01:03:01.880
I made a decision and I'm not that person. I'm super I feel

1105
01:03:02.300 --> 01:03:06.220
Like I go back and forth and analyzing analyzing analyzing analyzing

1106
01:03:08.720 --> 01:03:11.760
So anyways, I it's been it's been challenging

1107
01:03:12.480 --> 01:03:15.980
To process through and also realizing like oh my gosh

1108
01:03:15.980 --> 01:03:20.520
If I had just stood up for myself at the first instead of bending to what he wanted

1109
01:03:20.520 --> 01:03:22.940
We would have avoided all of this

1110
01:03:24.200 --> 01:03:29.920
Kind of situation and then also he wants to talk and I don't know what it is that he wants to talk about

1111
01:03:34.500 --> 01:03:39.620
But he may just want to apologize, I don't know he apologized to my parents so

1112
01:03:40.480 --> 01:03:42.340
That's that's where things are out right now

1113
01:03:43.380 --> 01:03:43.780
Yeah

1114
01:03:45.180 --> 01:03:45.700
well

1115
01:03:46.660 --> 01:03:48.840
Yeah, that's tough. I'll breathe

1116
01:03:51.600 --> 01:03:52.640
Yeah, I

1117
01:03:52.640 --> 01:03:57.620
Can kind of see why you liked him because he seems like an honorable man

1118
01:03:58.400 --> 01:04:04.300
I think he really meant what he said when he said if you really like somebody you fight because he called your daddy

1119
01:04:04.300 --> 01:04:11.280
To get a conversation about theology. So that means he's mad. It's like, let me see what this girl talking about

1120
01:04:11.400 --> 01:04:13.380
So what it sounds like let me

1121
01:04:13.900 --> 01:04:20.840
Let me see what she's saying because I'm gonna have to consider this so evidently he

1122
01:04:21.520 --> 01:04:22.160
really

1123
01:04:22.960 --> 01:04:28.180
was to spend that kind of money the way you guys were you and both of you guys were

1124
01:04:28.280 --> 01:04:31.160
equally invested in this relationship and so

1125
01:04:32.660 --> 01:04:38.280
Yeah, I love her honor, but he was to Laurie, um, I think that there's a lot to be said

1126
01:04:40.460 --> 01:04:40.980
But

1127
01:04:42.280 --> 01:04:47.540
Even if he understood, you know, you're at the point even if he says I understand your faith and okay

1128
01:04:47.540 --> 01:04:50.200
We can raise the children that way you're still

1129
01:04:51.820 --> 01:04:57.140
You still left with the understanding that faith doesn't work that way

1130
01:04:58.180 --> 01:04:59.900
right there is

1131
01:05:00.680 --> 01:05:07.480
There's still the duality, just because somebody says yes, it doesn't make it not that, right?

1132
01:05:07.540 --> 01:05:14.340
And so ideally, but if you're willing to take a journey as you watch them grow in said faith,

1133
01:05:14.580 --> 01:05:20.560
because people convert all the time for another religion to marry somebody.

1134
01:05:22.680 --> 01:05:23.360
They do.

1135
01:05:23.680 --> 01:05:29.180
They will convert over because whatever they hold true to them for their religion is not

1136
01:05:29.180 --> 01:05:29.800
really real.

1137
01:05:29.880 --> 01:05:32.560
Like they don't have anything invested in it.

1138
01:05:32.560 --> 01:05:33.620
You should like go.

1139
01:05:34.380 --> 01:05:35.920
But that's not him.

1140
01:05:36.160 --> 01:05:39.380
Like he's a diehard Calvinist.

1141
01:05:39.840 --> 01:05:48.860
He is a, like all these, he deeply, he deeply is committed to, and he's a studier, you know,

1142
01:05:49.000 --> 01:05:55.700
and it's not that he, he actually shifted from what he grew up in to what he believes

1143
01:05:55.700 --> 01:05:56.240
now.

1144
01:05:57.120 --> 01:06:01.820
And it's honestly, it's not even that I, I have all this beef with what he believes.

1145
01:06:02.280 --> 01:06:09.320
It's that I can't, I can't say like, he's, he's not going to train my, like, if we have

1146
01:06:09.440 --> 01:06:11.760
kids, he's not going to teach them.

1147
01:06:12.460 --> 01:06:16.420
He's going to teach them something contrary to what I would want them to know.

1148
01:06:17.180 --> 01:06:17.180


1149
01:06:17.520 --> 01:06:18.040
Right.

1150
01:06:18.040 --> 01:06:19.140
So that's what I'm saying.

1151
01:06:19.220 --> 01:06:24.340
Even if he came to and say, well, okay, I can accept this, I can accept that, you know,

1152
01:06:24.340 --> 01:06:30.300
you know, his heart about how he feels about what he believes in, and you know, your heart

1153
01:06:30.300 --> 01:06:32.680
about what you feel like, what you believe in.

1154
01:06:32.780 --> 01:06:41.940
And I think that at some point you have to be willing to release in what you've done,

1155
01:06:42.140 --> 01:06:45.040
you know, even like you said, sometimes you'll analyze, well, what about this?

1156
01:06:45.080 --> 01:06:45.700
And what about that?

1157
01:06:45.780 --> 01:06:46.260
What about this?

1158
01:06:46.460 --> 01:06:47.040
What about that?

1159
01:06:47.900 --> 01:06:51.160
Even if it came to this, your what about mind start flowing.

1160
01:06:51.160 --> 01:06:58.080
How about you take a six-month break then, and in six months, we can have this conversation

1161
01:06:58.160 --> 01:07:01.960
again, because you're going to need time, Aubrey, with all your what abouts.

1162
01:07:02.540 --> 01:07:04.580
You can't drag that along, right?

1163
01:07:04.580 --> 01:07:06.500
You can't drag this thing along.

1164
01:07:08.780 --> 01:07:10.220
I don't know what he's going to say.

1165
01:07:10.280 --> 01:07:15.360
You could just be an apology, but I'm just trying to give you some help with your what

1166
01:07:15.780 --> 01:07:17.040
abouts, you know?

1167
01:07:17.040 --> 01:07:23.140
I just felt like he wanted me to be like, give me a, I need to know, are you in this

1168
01:07:23.140 --> 01:07:24.120
no matter what?

1169
01:07:24.640 --> 01:07:30.420
And I'm like, if I were to say, if I were to keep walking with you and be like, my hope

1170
01:07:30.420 --> 01:07:31.700
would be that it would change.

1171
01:07:31.900 --> 01:07:37.780
And that's, I think, not a fair way to walk with someone, not for him and not for me.

1172
01:07:38.060 --> 01:07:38.440
Right.

1173
01:07:38.440 --> 01:07:42.100
You accept people for who they are, where they are, and that's who they are.

1174
01:07:42.120 --> 01:07:46.200
And if that's not the deal, then that's unfair.

1175
01:07:46.200 --> 01:07:48.120
I mean, that's just not how that works.

1176
01:07:48.340 --> 01:07:53.640
It's not, it's not the way that you do things and it's not going to produce the best results

1177
01:07:53.640 --> 01:07:56.020
because you're going to be working to change something.

1178
01:07:56.060 --> 01:08:00.400
And then you're going to blame that person for the decision you made to walk alongside

1179
01:08:00.400 --> 01:08:00.820
them.

1180
01:08:00.820 --> 01:08:04.220
And this does draw us back to the way it was in the very beginning.

1181
01:08:05.240 --> 01:08:06.920
You know, he's like in or out.

1182
01:08:07.800 --> 01:08:13.460
And you did feel that pressure to say, okay, I don't want to lose this.

1183
01:08:13.460 --> 01:08:18.200
But sometimes, and I think we had this conversation then, you have to give up the good for the

1184
01:08:18.200 --> 01:08:18.479
better.

1185
01:08:19.279 --> 01:08:23.420
And then, you know, the way God is, he's funny, then he'll cause you to give up the better

1186
01:08:23.420 --> 01:08:24.060
for the great.

1187
01:08:26.060 --> 01:08:29.220
And we want to hold on to the good because we can't see the better.

1188
01:08:29.580 --> 01:08:33.040
And sometimes we don't want to give up the better because we can't see the best or the

1189
01:08:33.040 --> 01:08:33.399
great.

1190
01:08:34.100 --> 01:08:41.660
But it is a process with the Lord and he does continually expand us and weed things out

1191
01:08:41.660 --> 01:08:47.140
of us so that we can come into rightful ownership of what heaven would give us.

1192
01:08:47.560 --> 01:08:51.880
And because we can't see ourselves and because we can't see the fullness and we can't see

1193
01:08:51.880 --> 01:08:55.920
the things that are holding on to us, we don't understand God's process.

1194
01:08:56.060 --> 01:08:58.260
So it's just like, just give me what's in front of me.

1195
01:08:58.700 --> 01:08:59.600
Give me what's good.

1196
01:08:59.760 --> 01:09:00.779
Give me what's safe.

1197
01:09:01.020 --> 01:09:01.939
Give me what's sure.

1198
01:09:02.260 --> 01:09:08.460
And he said, I want to use this to fine tune you to get rid of the person that says, okay,

1199
01:09:08.460 --> 01:09:10.700
I better grab hold because I'm going to miss out.

1200
01:09:10.700 --> 01:09:13.160
And he's like, I got to get rid of this scarcity out of you.

1201
01:09:13.200 --> 01:09:17.120
As long as scarcity is with you, you're going to be shortcutted in life and everything,

1202
01:09:17.279 --> 01:09:20.200
not just in a marriage, but in everything around you.

1203
01:09:20.660 --> 01:09:22.319
You're going to shortcut your children.

1204
01:09:22.460 --> 01:09:24.479
They're going to carry your scarcity mentality.

1205
01:09:24.600 --> 01:09:26.439
It's not going to just stop here.

1206
01:09:26.740 --> 01:09:32.620
And God's a divine way of using relationships to strip those things from us and our heart

1207
01:09:32.620 --> 01:09:33.200
is broken.

1208
01:09:33.600 --> 01:09:37.319
And I believe sometimes God is like, I don't mind the heartbreak.

1209
01:09:37.760 --> 01:09:40.500
I know you're going to get, I know you're going to come to the other side.

1210
01:09:40.500 --> 01:09:45.660
But what's going to fall out in this, you're going to love the woman that comes forth.

1211
01:09:47.640 --> 01:09:53.300
And it doesn't feel good and our hearts are broken, but some stuff is worth a broken heart.

1212
01:09:54.820 --> 01:09:59.980
There are things that got shedded out of me that was worth every tear I cried.

1213
01:10:01.580 --> 01:10:08.120
Because there was a thing, a little girl in me that needed to be safe, that needed to

1214
01:10:08.120 --> 01:10:13.380
be this, that believed what was said, all these different things that needed to be cut

1215
01:10:13.380 --> 01:10:14.240
away from me.

1216
01:10:14.240 --> 01:10:20.860
If I had a choice for myself, I'm not trying to preach, I'm just telling you, if I had

1217
01:10:20.860 --> 01:10:28.960
a choice for myself, I would be up the creek without a powder right now, because I couldn't

1218
01:10:28.960 --> 01:10:35.320
see God's hand in his process of refining me so I could get heaven's best for my life.

1219
01:10:36.240 --> 01:10:39.620
We believe that we know what's best and it's a lie.

1220
01:10:39.940 --> 01:10:40.480
We don't.

1221
01:10:40.620 --> 01:10:42.300
We can only see what's in front of us.

1222
01:10:42.340 --> 01:10:47.380
We can't see tomorrow, next week, five years, 10 years, 15 years.

1223
01:10:48.100 --> 01:10:49.440
We can't see it.

1224
01:10:49.460 --> 01:10:51.780
We don't have the ability to see it.

1225
01:10:54.480 --> 01:10:59.100
And so I think the greatest decision you can make, Aubrey, and I believe that as you make

1226
01:10:59.200 --> 01:11:04.860
this decision and you already made this decision, it is breaking you free from those things

1227
01:11:04.860 --> 01:11:09.960
that have kept you bound, believing that there's nothing else better coming along for Aubrey.

1228
01:11:10.480 --> 01:11:13.320
Believing that once again, Aubrey got the short end of the stick.

1229
01:11:13.600 --> 01:11:17.400
But I'm telling you, God says, Aubrey has never gotten the short end of the stick.

1230
01:11:17.480 --> 01:11:19.600
The short end of the stick wasn't made for you.

1231
01:11:19.600 --> 01:11:23.520
It does not have your name on it.

1232
01:11:24.120 --> 01:11:25.360
You did not lose.

1233
01:11:25.900 --> 01:11:27.900
It's impossible for you to lose.

1234
01:11:28.800 --> 01:11:32.520
Anytime you stand your ground and say that when I raise my children, it's going to be

1235
01:11:32.520 --> 01:11:33.160
like the scripture.

1236
01:11:33.280 --> 01:11:36.700
They're going to be like arrows in my hand that I shoot into the enemy's camp.

1237
01:11:36.820 --> 01:11:39.120
All of heaven is backing you.

1238
01:11:40.100 --> 01:11:45.060
And heaven is working to get you what you need to fulfill God's purposes in the earth.

1239
01:11:45.460 --> 01:11:48.100
And that is to advance the kingdom of God.

1240
01:11:48.860 --> 01:11:54.400
And anybody looking for a kingdom family, for a kingdom marriage, all of heaven is backing

1241
01:11:56.300 --> 01:11:57.500
you up.

1242
01:12:03.420 --> 01:12:05.140
It's working for your good.

1243
01:12:05.780 --> 01:12:10.040
Now, I know that ain't story I want to hear when my heart is aching.

1244
01:12:10.260 --> 01:12:16.540
But I am telling you, you have made some major moves, and it only took you five months to

1245
01:12:16.540 --> 01:12:16.820
do it.

1246
01:12:19.280 --> 01:12:24.080
I know there's some people who paid a life sentence for the decision you made today.

1247
01:12:24.160 --> 01:12:29.420
They paid 15 years in marriage, 25 years in marriage, because they could not say no.

1248
01:12:29.740 --> 01:12:31.320
They could not release.

1249
01:12:31.820 --> 01:12:35.300
They had to hold on because they didn't think anything else was better.

1250
01:12:35.360 --> 01:12:36.340
They couldn't be alone.

1251
01:12:37.020 --> 01:12:40.620
And they were in a prison sentence for 25 years.

1252
01:12:42.680 --> 01:12:48.380
And so I want to give you some perspective of what a five-month invested birth in you.

1253
01:12:49.200 --> 01:12:51.560
You didn't just start struggling with this now.

1254
01:12:51.800 --> 01:12:58.600
This struggle has been a part of you for years, and it only cost you five months to stand

1255
01:12:58.600 --> 01:12:59.200
your ground.

1256
01:13:00.160 --> 01:13:04.940
And it seems like you were able to do it with someone that was safe, that honored you.

1257
01:13:05.020 --> 01:13:08.520
You said you enjoyed them, so you had a good time along the way.

1258
01:13:12.960 --> 01:13:17.660
And you're going to get through this, and it don't feel like today or tomorrow.

1259
01:13:18.820 --> 01:13:23.120
And it may not be for a couple of months, and that's okay, too.

1260
01:13:26.300 --> 01:13:27.520
Well, what do I do?

1261
01:13:27.580 --> 01:13:35.000
Because I feel like this whole wrestle, I think when I look back, I always think, well,

1262
01:13:35.000 --> 01:13:38.500
okay, well, when you said that, I should have known, yeah, this is not going to work, right?

1263
01:13:38.500 --> 01:13:42.180
But I have in my heart this wrestle.

1264
01:13:42.400 --> 01:13:46.840
And I've felt this in every relationship I've had, like a back and a forth in it.

1265
01:13:46.880 --> 01:13:47.480
Yeah, it's good.

1266
01:13:47.480 --> 01:13:49.580
No, yes, no, yes, no.

1267
01:13:50.300 --> 01:13:51.900
And is that normal?

1268
01:13:52.080 --> 01:13:54.460
Do people just feel that way in relationships?

1269
01:13:54.960 --> 01:13:59.820
Because I feel like what I've wondered is, okay, is this just an Aubrey problem?

1270
01:14:00.200 --> 01:14:04.600
And it's like, you're just going to have to learn how to work through that in a relationship.

1271
01:14:05.320 --> 01:14:08.600
And so part of, I think, why I wanted to keep going was I was like, well,

1272
01:14:08.600 --> 01:14:10.620
I've only ever experienced this.

1273
01:14:10.980 --> 01:14:12.700
And this is just normal.

1274
01:14:13.260 --> 01:14:16.000
I think that, yeah, I didn't mean to cut you out.

1275
01:14:16.320 --> 01:14:22.120
But I think that what you're speaking of, and what I would really encourage you to do,

1276
01:14:22.500 --> 01:14:24.400
is to do a little deeper hard work on that.

1277
01:14:24.460 --> 01:14:29.380
I really do encourage you to book a session, whether you booked it with myself or Karla,

1278
01:14:30.080 --> 01:14:31.700
but to do a little more hard work.

1279
01:14:31.700 --> 01:14:36.020
Because it sounds like somewhere in you, and it probably happened in your childhood,

1280
01:14:36.220 --> 01:14:39.220
it may have something to do with dynamics of the way you were raised.

1281
01:14:39.820 --> 01:14:43.680
Usually, some things are rooted initially with our father.

1282
01:14:44.780 --> 01:14:47.660
But somewhere you believe you have scarcity.

1283
01:14:49.620 --> 01:14:53.720
You're back and forth because you're not seeing the value of one thing over the other.

1284
01:14:54.080 --> 01:14:57.060
You're not able to recognize what serves you best.

1285
01:14:57.620 --> 01:14:58.780
That's just onset.

1286
01:14:58.780 --> 01:14:59.980
So it's

1287
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:01.760
So it's not just the Aubrey thing.

1288
01:15:01.960 --> 01:15:04.960
Everybody expresses it in a different way.

1289
01:15:06.560 --> 01:15:08.800
Okay, so if I came up to you and was like,

1290
01:15:09.000 --> 01:15:10.600
Aubrey, come, let's just say,

1291
01:15:11.020 --> 01:15:13.240
you never struggled with drugs or anything like that

1292
01:15:13.240 --> 01:15:14.340
before having me.

1293
01:15:14.340 --> 01:15:17.040
Come shoot this, come smoke this crack with me.

1294
01:15:17.380 --> 01:15:18.180
What you gonna say?

1295
01:15:18.680 --> 01:15:19.040
No.

1296
01:15:20.400 --> 01:15:22.360
You gonna go back and forth in your mind about it?

1297
01:15:23.360 --> 01:15:25.980
So in the area of men,

1298
01:15:26.340 --> 01:15:28.640
there is something that doesn't have Aubrey

1299
01:15:28.640 --> 01:15:30.380
when she says it's a solid no.

1300
01:15:31.260 --> 01:15:33.400
It could be in your value, your worth.

1301
01:15:34.460 --> 01:15:36.440
It could be, it's a little few dynamics,

1302
01:15:36.700 --> 01:15:39.640
enough talk, you know, a session or talking one-on-one,

1303
01:15:39.680 --> 01:15:41.100
we could get to the bottom of it.

1304
01:15:41.100 --> 01:15:44.240
But there's something that causes you to compromise.

1305
01:15:46.680 --> 01:15:49.740
And it happens with me and it keeps happening.

1306
01:15:50.060 --> 01:15:51.600
That's not uncommon.

1307
01:15:52.380 --> 01:15:54.220
I've compromised so much in my life

1308
01:15:54.220 --> 01:15:55.960
with men and relationships.

1309
01:15:56.520 --> 01:15:58.940
If we could take a poll of the women

1310
01:15:58.940 --> 01:16:00.540
in this session right now,

1311
01:16:00.560 --> 01:16:03.900
they'll tell you if they've compromised before.

1312
01:16:04.500 --> 01:16:07.960
Like, and it's always rooted in something inside of us

1313
01:16:07.960 --> 01:16:09.380
that we believe to be true.

1314
01:16:10.300 --> 01:16:12.780
And you don't have a confused mind, Aubrey.

1315
01:16:12.960 --> 01:16:15.380
There are just some things that need to be set in order,

1316
01:16:15.500 --> 01:16:17.600
some things you need to release about your identity

1317
01:16:17.600 --> 01:16:18.720
and who you are.

1318
01:16:19.440 --> 01:16:22.660
And once you do that, you'll begin to set a standard.

1319
01:16:22.760 --> 01:16:24.980
And when they say, ABC, you say, no,

1320
01:16:24.980 --> 01:16:26.200
that's not what I want.

1321
01:16:26.520 --> 01:16:28.800
That's not what I'm, it sounds great and it's wonderful,

1322
01:16:28.800 --> 01:16:30.120
but I'm gonna release it.

1323
01:16:30.120 --> 01:16:32.340
It may hurt me, but I'm gonna walk away.

1324
01:16:32.620 --> 01:16:34.760
Have you ever wanted to say something to somebody so bad,

1325
01:16:34.880 --> 01:16:36.260
but it almost was like,

1326
01:16:36.320 --> 01:16:38.220
I'll bite my tongue until it bleeds with that

1327
01:16:38.220 --> 01:16:40.860
and I will not open my mouth, right?

1328
01:16:41.100 --> 01:16:42.540
Or I'm like this.

1329
01:16:42.540 --> 01:16:43.980
If I break up with somebody, I was like,

1330
01:16:44.040 --> 01:16:45.920
I bet you I won't call them.

1331
01:16:45.920 --> 01:16:49.160
I will throw my phone and hide it under the bed

1332
01:16:49.600 --> 01:16:50.700
before I call you.

1333
01:16:50.700 --> 01:16:52.460
It's like, when I gotta prove a point,

1334
01:16:52.620 --> 01:16:54.780
I will hide my phone from myself.

1335
01:16:54.780 --> 01:16:56.700
I will delete your number out of my phone.

1336
01:16:56.860 --> 01:16:58.180
I will not bow to you.

1337
01:17:00.940 --> 01:17:02.660
But like some of those things,

1338
01:17:04.420 --> 01:17:08.280
but I would, me or Carla would love to process through that

1339
01:17:08.280 --> 01:17:09.280
with you, Aubrey.

1340
01:17:09.580 --> 01:17:12.360
I believe it will be very helpful to you.

1341
01:17:15.100 --> 01:17:19.000
And so consider that you're not confused though.

1342
01:17:19.140 --> 01:17:20.660
You just gotta put some things in order.

1343
01:17:21.920 --> 01:17:24.100
So what do I do about this conversation?

1344
01:17:24.100 --> 01:17:28.180
When he calls me, because I'm open to talk.

1345
01:17:28.320 --> 01:17:29.940
I'm not like a screw you.

1346
01:17:30.360 --> 01:17:34.180
Even if he wanted to process, all good.

1347
01:17:34.740 --> 01:17:36.020
I would do that.

1348
01:17:36.400 --> 01:17:37.500
Well, there's nothing wrong with that.

1349
01:17:37.500 --> 01:17:38.200
He's your friend.

1350
01:17:40.120 --> 01:17:42.940
But if things don't change, it doesn't work.

1351
01:17:43.020 --> 01:17:45.540
And I don't wanna ask him to become someone else

1352
01:17:45.540 --> 01:17:47.000
to accommodate me.

1353
01:17:47.240 --> 01:17:49.220
But you're not gonna ask him to do that.

1354
01:17:49.260 --> 01:17:51.260
You said, when you get in a conversation,

1355
01:17:51.380 --> 01:17:52.480
you're gonna listen to him.

1356
01:17:53.080 --> 01:17:53.320
Right.

1357
01:17:53.500 --> 01:17:56.600
So you've already decided that there's no furtherance

1358
01:17:56.600 --> 01:17:57.760
of this relationship.

1359
01:17:58.760 --> 01:18:01.600
And so I was in a relationship for five months,

1360
01:18:01.980 --> 01:18:04.820
wonderful, righteous man of God, but we had to end.

1361
01:18:05.300 --> 01:18:07.400
I spent a whole two weeks processing with him.

1362
01:18:08.240 --> 01:18:11.580
Nothing was gonna change, but he was my friend.

1363
01:18:11.820 --> 01:18:12.360
I honored him.

1364
01:18:12.480 --> 01:18:14.340
I didn't mind processing for two weeks

1365
01:18:14.680 --> 01:18:16.840
because I knew once we were done processing,

1366
01:18:17.080 --> 01:18:19.000
he was settled enough within himself

1367
01:18:19.000 --> 01:18:21.180
that we were going to split ways

1368
01:18:21.180 --> 01:18:23.340
so we both can go on our healing journey

1369
01:18:24.360 --> 01:18:26.040
because that has to happen.

1370
01:18:26.560 --> 01:18:29.620
But I wasn't gonna abandon him before he got to a place

1371
01:18:29.620 --> 01:18:31.260
where he can say, okay.

1372
01:18:32.620 --> 01:18:33.060
Right.

1373
01:18:33.060 --> 01:18:34.540
And so it's nothing wrong with that.

1374
01:18:34.540 --> 01:18:36.280
It don't even mean you're dragging it along.

1375
01:18:36.400 --> 01:18:38.060
You're not on the phone talking about,

1376
01:18:38.580 --> 01:18:40.740
well, if we could, or I wish you just would.

1377
01:18:41.640 --> 01:18:44.100
You want him to be as true to what he believes

1378
01:18:44.100 --> 01:18:45.760
as you are to what you believe.

1379
01:18:48.140 --> 01:18:49.740
And you're willing to accept

1380
01:18:49.740 --> 01:18:52.300
that y'all are in different lanes and that's okay.

1381
01:18:52.800 --> 01:18:55.540
And you can say, I wish that we had the bliss

1382
01:18:55.840 --> 01:18:58.660
and I am grieving what I thought would be.

1383
01:18:59.520 --> 01:19:00.720
I'm grieving what we had.

1384
01:19:01.200 --> 01:19:02.340
I'm grieving where we were

1385
01:19:02.340 --> 01:19:04.880
and I'm grieving what I planned for us to have.

1386
01:19:06.720 --> 01:19:09.040
I'm grieving every date that I put ahead of time

1387
01:19:09.040 --> 01:19:10.640
that you're not gonna be there with me.

1388
01:19:10.960 --> 01:19:12.620
I'm grieving Thanksgiving without you.

1389
01:19:12.640 --> 01:19:14.220
I'm grieving Christmas without you.

1390
01:19:14.440 --> 01:19:15.740
I'm grieving the next flight that I'm gonna miss.

1391
01:19:15.740 --> 01:19:16.660
I'm grieving a flight without you.

1392
01:19:16.700 --> 01:19:18.460
Every time I see a plane in the sky,

1393
01:19:18.580 --> 01:19:20.620
I'm grieving that because I want to be on a flight

1394
01:19:20.620 --> 01:19:21.260
coming to you.

1395
01:19:21.280 --> 01:19:24.320
Like these are all real things that sometimes we overlook,

1396
01:19:24.840 --> 01:19:27.120
but it's okay to grieve it.

1397
01:19:27.160 --> 01:19:29.840
You gotta grieve not talking to him every day

1398
01:19:29.840 --> 01:19:32.020
or texting him every day or getting your phone

1399
01:19:32.020 --> 01:19:33.640
and seeing that text coming in.

1400
01:19:33.920 --> 01:19:37.360
And so this is a normal part of the process and it sucks.

1401
01:19:38.700 --> 01:19:39.260
Yeah.

1402
01:19:42.900 --> 01:19:45.520
And so I think you should talk to him.

1403
01:19:48.020 --> 01:19:52.420
So do I say like even, because what if,

1404
01:19:52.440 --> 01:19:55.320
I mean, theoretically, what if he said, you know what?

1405
01:19:55.440 --> 01:19:56.480
This really matters to her.

1406
01:19:56.480 --> 01:19:57.700
I start looking into it.

1407
01:19:57.780 --> 01:19:59.980
What I would not want to do is say like.

1408
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.060
you said oh so he's gonna acquiesce that's not what i want i don't but what if he what if he did

1409
01:20:07.100 --> 01:20:11.680
genuinely change great but you have to go do that not because of me you have to go do that

1410
01:20:13.080 --> 01:20:21.080
bios like not in my do you get what i'm saying i know what you're saying but i think aubrey you

1411
01:20:21.080 --> 01:20:27.060
have to make a decision about what you want to do so what you just did was put it back on him

1412
01:20:27.060 --> 01:20:34.440
what if he said and what if he did that's a real what if but what do you want yeah what

1413
01:20:34.440 --> 01:20:41.800
is your conviction strong going you need to to stand by it you understand what we believe in

1414
01:20:41.800 --> 01:20:46.760
how deep it runs you've already made a decision about how you want to raise your children

1415
01:20:47.840 --> 01:20:55.420
now you can go along that line and say okay yeah we can look at it like i said six months from now

1416
01:20:55.420 --> 01:21:02.300
follow back up i can't see him going for that because he's always pressured you to make a

1417
01:21:02.820 --> 01:21:09.680
decision right now yeah um but i just think that you have to make a decision about what you want to

1418
01:21:13.700 --> 01:21:22.580
do um i just think that you have to make a decision um people can believe one way you

1419
01:21:22.580 --> 01:21:27.560
you take them okay now i'm all on board y'all get to the church and he's like no i disagree

1420
01:21:27.560 --> 01:21:31.240
then he turns back to the way he was and now your household is divided

1421
01:21:31.500 --> 01:21:34.980
i think that you shouldn't overlook this real thing

1422
01:21:41.360 --> 01:21:41.840
yeah

1423
01:21:46.160 --> 01:21:50.520
and and someone said there well protege said we're gonna be praying for your wisdom but

1424
01:21:50.520 --> 01:21:54.640
i don't want you to keep denying the wisdom that you're carrying right now

1425
01:21:55.120 --> 01:21:59.720
i believe that you know the truth i believe that you've always known the truth

1426
01:22:00.460 --> 01:22:07.760
and you've said it out of your mouth but i think the greatest truth right now is you're not

1427
01:22:07.820 --> 01:22:16.280
losing aubrey it's impossible for you to lose the only way you could lose in this sense

1428
01:22:16.840 --> 01:22:22.500
is that you have a plan that you're gonna follow and you don't want god's plan for your life

1429
01:22:23.840 --> 01:22:29.300
so decide who's playing you if it's your plan then you could lose because you're

1430
01:22:29.300 --> 01:22:33.460
gonna feel like you've lost but if it's god's plan you can't lose

1431
01:22:35.740 --> 01:22:39.880
and that's a part of assessing and figuring out where our worth and value

1432
01:22:40.040 --> 01:22:44.900
is but then you're not losing i'm telling you you can't lose

1433
01:22:53.900 --> 01:22:54.500
uh

1434
01:23:01.360 --> 01:23:07.940
i just always even after a decision i go back in my mind like what if or could have or maybe

1435
01:23:07.940 --> 01:23:14.980
and if this and so when you hear what you say yeah what if that happens huh that's interesting

1436
01:23:14.980 --> 01:23:19.560
don't deny your mind the what if you can explore the what if in your mind

1437
01:23:19.560 --> 01:23:23.080
but you need to always come back to the decision that you've made

1438
01:23:27.600 --> 01:23:30.520
right so what if is a real thing

1439
01:23:32.240 --> 01:23:37.340
but is it your thing is it the decision you've made right

1440
01:23:39.940 --> 01:23:43.460
and you know your father has given you really good wisdom

1441
01:23:45.360 --> 01:23:50.920
you got to remember that who you choose to marry is going to be the leader of your household yeah

1442
01:23:53.600 --> 01:23:56.820
and my dad literally told me it'd be really hard for me to

1443
01:23:58.180 --> 01:24:04.460
give you to someone who's welcoming you into duality to say you do your thing i do my thing

1444
01:24:04.460 --> 01:24:09.540
he said it would be really hard for me to do that i'm like that's a big deal to me like i trust my

1445
01:24:11.840 --> 01:24:22.480
dad um but i don't know he's wanting to talk to my dad talk about they had this conversation and

1446
01:24:22.480 --> 01:24:27.280
he's like oh i would could we have more conversations he's asking my dad i i have

1447
01:24:27.280 --> 01:24:36.460
more questions i want to understand more so i don't know well i really have to make your own

1448
01:24:36.460 --> 01:24:44.040
for your own life this is the thing that happened at the beginning he made the decision for the

1449
01:24:44.040 --> 01:24:50.940
relationship not aubrey yeah you have to make a decision that you live with and whatever decision

1450
01:24:50.940 --> 01:24:55.020
you make you'll be accountable for your decision

1451
01:24:58.460 --> 01:24:59.980
on you on you

1452
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.160
put on your decision?

1453
01:25:06.260 --> 01:25:08.300
I don't know why that's so challenging for me.

1454
01:25:09.280 --> 01:25:09.520
Oh yeah?

1455
01:25:11.440 --> 01:25:13.520
You don't know why or you do know why?

1456
01:25:13.640 --> 01:25:14.520
I don't know.

1457
01:25:19.320 --> 01:25:23.420
Well, yeah, but you know,

1458
01:25:23.420 --> 01:25:25.900
we can't piece through it all here, but.

1459
01:25:26.900 --> 01:25:26.900


1460
01:25:27.780 --> 01:25:30.260
But it's not as difficult as you think it is.

1461
01:25:31.140 --> 01:25:32.360
There are only a few key things

1462
01:25:32.360 --> 01:25:34.680
that keep us tied up that way.

1463
01:25:34.800 --> 01:25:36.300
It's not big.

1464
01:25:42.260 --> 01:25:45.200
Is it okay if difference in theology is not a deal breaker?

1465
01:25:46.640 --> 01:25:50.360
It depends on what those differences in theology is,

1466
01:25:50.680 --> 01:25:52.200
that as long as we share core beliefs

1467
01:25:52.200 --> 01:25:54.080
of Christianity and my husband's sincere walk with Jesus,

1468
01:25:54.320 --> 01:25:55.640
then we're equally yoked.

1469
01:25:58.480 --> 01:26:01.160
Well, I guess it just kind of depends,

1470
01:26:04.420 --> 01:26:06.620
Nikki, on what those things are.

1471
01:26:09.200 --> 01:26:13.960
I guess, you know.

1472
01:26:14.440 --> 01:26:15.520
Okay, Aubrey.

1473
01:26:16.640 --> 01:26:17.280
Thank you.

1474
01:26:17.880 --> 01:26:18.380
You're welcome.

1475
01:26:18.600 --> 01:26:19.900
I'm so happy to see you.

1476
01:26:20.440 --> 01:26:21.800
I've been praying for you.

1477
01:26:22.180 --> 01:26:22.940
Appreciate it.

1478
01:26:22.940 --> 01:26:24.120
I haven't been able to get here.

1479
01:26:25.140 --> 01:26:25.500
Yeah.

1480
01:26:26.320 --> 01:26:29.040
All right, Sarah.

1481
01:26:32.800 --> 01:26:33.320
Hello.

1482
01:26:34.400 --> 01:26:34.400


1483
01:26:35.240 --> 01:26:35.760
Sorry, ladies.

1484
01:26:35.760 --> 01:26:38.140
We just wanted to process with her a little bit more.

1485
01:26:39.820 --> 01:26:40.920
So go ahead, Sarah.

1486
01:26:42.000 --> 01:26:43.580
I just wanted to check in.

1487
01:26:43.620 --> 01:26:45.640
I don't have any particular questions, really.

1488
01:26:45.640 --> 01:26:47.040
I just wanted to kind of check in,

1489
01:26:47.380 --> 01:26:49.160
let you guys know where I'm at with everything.

1490
01:26:49.620 --> 01:26:50.140
Yeah.

1491
01:26:50.620 --> 01:26:52.820
So I've gone on three dates.

1492
01:26:53.620 --> 01:26:58.160
So the first one was with a friend,

1493
01:26:59.420 --> 01:27:01.780
and then he didn't, I mean,

1494
01:27:02.080 --> 01:27:04.560
I told him that I was open to a second date,

1495
01:27:05.900 --> 01:27:08.680
and then neither one of us really followed up about that.

1496
01:27:09.100 --> 01:27:11.220
So I kind of just, I don't know.

1497
01:27:11.320 --> 01:27:14.680
I guess I kind of, that wasn't super appealing to me.

1498
01:27:14.700 --> 01:27:17.740
I kind of lost interest in, like, I don't know.

1499
01:27:18.120 --> 01:27:20.580
So anyway, there was another guy that I met on an app,

1500
01:27:20.580 --> 01:27:22.380
so then I went on a couple of dates with him.

1501
01:27:24.140 --> 01:27:26.800
And then that was the most recent one

1502
01:27:26.800 --> 01:27:28.500
that I let him know that I didn't think

1503
01:27:28.500 --> 01:27:31.540
that we were very compatible after a couple of dates.

1504
01:27:32.860 --> 01:27:36.080
And then the first guy then, so after,

1505
01:27:36.820 --> 01:27:38.480
so then I reached back out to the first guy,

1506
01:27:38.480 --> 01:27:39.440
because it had been a couple of weeks,

1507
01:27:39.720 --> 01:27:41.260
and neither one of us had really followed up.

1508
01:27:41.400 --> 01:27:43.580
So I just, I wasn't uninterested.

1509
01:27:44.100 --> 01:27:47.720
I just wasn't interested enough to reach out before then.

1510
01:27:47.720 --> 01:27:50.820
So I reached back out, and I was just asking,

1511
01:27:52.060 --> 01:27:54.740
or, like, trying to see if we could set something up.

1512
01:27:57.520 --> 01:27:59.160
And then he was letting me know

1513
01:28:00.000 --> 01:28:02.480
that he's just got a lot going on right now.

1514
01:28:02.540 --> 01:28:03.860
He doesn't really have a lot of capacity.

1515
01:28:03.980 --> 01:28:05.780
He didn't say that he didn't want to go on a date,

1516
01:28:06.120 --> 01:28:08.800
but in so many words, he was just saying

1517
01:28:09.040 --> 01:28:10.140
he had a lot going on,

1518
01:28:10.140 --> 01:28:11.460
and he really does legitimately

1519
01:28:11.460 --> 01:28:13.460
have a whole lot going on right now,

1520
01:28:14.480 --> 01:28:16.280
which is fine, because I don't think

1521
01:28:16.280 --> 01:28:18.660
either of us are super interested.

1522
01:28:18.920 --> 01:28:20.940
We're just both kind of open to it.

1523
01:28:22.560 --> 01:28:24.320
So that was my three dates.

1524
01:28:24.540 --> 01:28:27.240
And then this, so that was like three weekends in a row,

1525
01:28:27.320 --> 01:28:28.760
which is a really big deal for me,

1526
01:28:28.880 --> 01:28:31.320
because I don't normally have that kind of capacity

1527
01:28:31.320 --> 01:28:33.780
to go on a lot of dates like that.

1528
01:28:33.780 --> 01:28:35.580
So I was really excited when I realized,

1529
01:28:35.900 --> 01:28:37.600
whoa, I went on dates three weekends in a row.

1530
01:28:39.540 --> 01:28:43.420
And then this, and then this last weekend, I had,

1531
01:28:44.260 --> 01:28:46.720
so there was another guy that I'd been talking to

1532
01:28:46.720 --> 01:28:49.580
on a dating app, and he was a little bit further away.

1533
01:28:50.080 --> 01:28:53.300
So I was asking, like, do you want to meet up?

1534
01:28:54.000 --> 01:28:55.360
Like, just kind of meet in between.

1535
01:28:57.600 --> 01:29:01.320
And he said, well, why don't we do

1536
01:29:01.320 --> 01:29:03.740
like a virtual meetup instead?

1537
01:29:04.680 --> 01:29:09.240
And so we kind of last minute kind of scheduled that.

1538
01:29:09.380 --> 01:29:12.760
And then the day of, I was just kind of like,

1539
01:29:12.760 --> 01:29:16.800
it was after work, I was tired, it was on a Friday,

1540
01:29:16.940 --> 01:29:18.580
and I was like, I don't really feel I look like,

1541
01:29:18.700 --> 01:29:20.260
I'm worrying about what I look like right now.

1542
01:29:20.360 --> 01:29:22.240
I'm tired, I just want to lay on my couch.

1543
01:29:23.000 --> 01:29:25.340
And so, and it had kind of been scheduled last minute anyway

1544
01:29:25.340 --> 01:29:28.160
and I was kind of like, anyway, I just messaged him

1545
01:29:28.160 --> 01:29:30.580
and kind of explained like that I wanted to cancel

1546
01:29:31.240 --> 01:29:33.560
and that maybe I would kind of like focus on people

1547
01:29:33.560 --> 01:29:34.380
that were a little bit closer.

1548
01:29:35.060 --> 01:29:38.400
And he appreciated me being direct about it.

1549
01:29:40.380 --> 01:29:43.540
So that was my, that was my dates.

1550
01:29:44.280 --> 01:29:46.440
And then as far as with the program

1551
01:29:46.440 --> 01:29:49.100
and like the meetings and stuff,

1552
01:29:49.680 --> 01:29:52.380
I think I just gotten kind of busy.

1553
01:29:52.540 --> 01:29:54.340
Every time I get really busy with work,

1554
01:29:54.340 --> 01:29:57.880
I kind of just forget to come to the meetings.

1555
01:29:59.100 --> 01:29:59.980
And then once I got back, I was like,

1556
01:29:59.980 --> 01:29:59.980


1557
01:29:59.980 --> 01:29:59.980


1558
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.800
I remember I tried to come back, but that's that's kind of generally where I'm at with everything

1559
01:30:08.140 --> 01:30:12.860
That's good, I'm happy for you. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really excited

1560
01:30:12.860 --> 01:30:19.020
I feel like I feel like I have the most momentum right now with dating than I've ever had before

1561
01:30:19.680 --> 01:30:23.600
I feel like I've always been a little bit insecure with dating and

1562
01:30:24.480 --> 01:30:28.240
Especially once I got a little bit older I started feeling like oh

1563
01:30:28.240 --> 01:30:31.720
I like I like I can see the signs of age on myself now

1564
01:30:31.720 --> 01:30:37.040
And I feel like that's what guys are gonna see and so I was like really hung up on that for a while

1565
01:30:37.240 --> 01:30:40.760
But then I went this is before I did last year single

1566
01:30:40.760 --> 01:30:44.920
but then I went on a speed dating event with a friend and I had like a

1567
01:30:45.700 --> 01:30:50.900
29 year old that was like wanting to go out with me and I was like, oh, okay

1568
01:30:50.900 --> 01:30:56.060
Like I'm attractive to younger people even younger than I would even necessarily want to date

1569
01:30:56.280 --> 01:31:02.460
So that's that kind of like got me out of that mindset with thinking like oh, I'm so old and you know

1570
01:31:02.460 --> 01:31:06.320
Hold that so I feel like I'm in a much better place now with dating

1571
01:31:07.780 --> 01:31:12.400
Yeah, and so I want to keep up the momentum, you know, I didn't go on a date this weekend

1572
01:31:12.400 --> 01:31:20.160
But I want to like, you know schedule schedule some upcoming stuff so I can keep this momentum going and do all of my discovery dating

1573
01:31:20.900 --> 01:31:21.220
Yeah

1574
01:31:21.820 --> 01:31:25.780
Yeah, that's fine. And it's something she said like that's real. It's a real thing at first

1575
01:31:25.780 --> 01:31:27.340
It feels like nothing's happening

1576
01:31:27.380 --> 01:31:34.700
But it's an elven flow like all of a sudden something happens and there's this momentum that just picks up and it just keeps flowing

1577
01:31:34.700 --> 01:31:38.600
I still remember what I looked up and I was like I have been on the date one time

1578
01:31:38.600 --> 01:31:42.400
I went on three dates with different me in one week and I

1579
01:31:44.320 --> 01:31:48.660
This is the person they didn't want they didn't want to create a profile they want to do all these things

1580
01:31:48.660 --> 01:31:53.480
I don't want people turning me down looking at me talking about me

1581
01:31:54.660 --> 01:32:00.540
And I was like three days in one week the scheduled dates now. Oh my goodness

1582
01:32:00.540 --> 01:32:03.440
I was scheduled a two months out. It was crazy

1583
01:32:03.560 --> 01:32:09.980
But it was this momentum and in this time where it's like flat and so yeah, that's exciting. Keep it

1584
01:32:10.700 --> 01:32:13.960
yeah, well, I guess one question I do have is I feel like I

1585
01:32:14.610 --> 01:32:21.430
Feel like in order to get these dates like I I am showing way more initiative than any guys that I'm meeting

1586
01:32:22.210 --> 01:32:27.770
Which like I like which I feel like I don't I don't know if that's I don't know how I feel about that

1587
01:32:28.310 --> 01:32:33.770
but I feel like the guys will just talk forever on the apps and I'm like I get bored and and if I

1588
01:32:34.450 --> 01:32:37.630
if I get bored, I'm gonna end up like not going on the app and just kind of like

1589
01:32:38.290 --> 01:32:40.810
forgetting about them and so I feel like I

1590
01:32:41.570 --> 01:32:45.430
Usually am the one that just goes ahead and like hey, let's meet up just yeah

1591
01:32:46.310 --> 01:32:51.770
just cuz like otherwise like are we gonna chat forever like I like I I don't know

1592
01:32:51.770 --> 01:32:58.230
I don't know how other people are like meeting people that ask them out like or maybe other people have more capacity for chatting on

1593
01:32:58.230 --> 01:33:03.830
Their phone. I just like I don't enjoy that. And so I just want to like meet up with somebody, you know

1594
01:33:05.290 --> 01:33:06.250
Like yeah

1595
01:33:07.390 --> 01:33:09.870
Yeah, that's okay that I'm just like

1596
01:33:13.870 --> 01:33:18.090
By the second day I cannot go in and out of the app talking to anybody

1597
01:33:18.270 --> 01:33:22.610
So by the time we get to day two, I am like, hey, would you like to exchange numbers?

1598
01:33:23.450 --> 01:33:27.050
I I because I'm not gonna spend to I'm not I'm not gonna do it

1599
01:33:27.050 --> 01:33:32.730
I am NOT gonna spend a week talking to somebody and we're not gonna meet if the weirdest thing is for me talking to a

1600
01:33:32.730 --> 01:33:34.450
person I have not met before I

1601
01:33:34.450 --> 01:33:39.870
Don't like it. I like to see who I'm talking to if I'm not doing it

1602
01:33:39.870 --> 01:33:44.070
It's just no no go for me. And so I am a fast mover

1603
01:33:44.070 --> 01:33:49.650
But one thing I've talked to a lot of me and men are really nervous about winning X a woman something

1604
01:33:49.650 --> 01:33:54.150
You can hear from the women in our group. Oh, he asked for my number

1605
01:33:55.790 --> 01:33:57.330
He called me beautiful

1606
01:33:57.710 --> 01:34:04.430
Okay, he's it's just like everything like every woman has this different thing about her and if a man does this she's offended

1607
01:34:04.450 --> 01:34:09.890
And if he does this then you say look, I'm ready to just get my number one woman. He has to pursue me

1608
01:34:10.470 --> 01:34:12.030
He's gonna have to ask for my number

1609
01:34:12.030 --> 01:34:17.350
So you've been talking to him for two weeks cuz he asked me your number yet and you're wasting two weeks talking to somebody

1610
01:34:18.370 --> 01:34:23.930
And it's like then you blame him. Well, he hadn't said anything. It's like well, why would you talk to a person for two weeks?

1611
01:34:25.170 --> 01:34:29.130
But you blame them for the way you feel about what's happening. That's the issue

1612
01:34:29.430 --> 01:34:32.430
If you're not gonna blame them for the way you feel do it

1613
01:34:33.370 --> 01:34:39.470
Right, and so every woman is so different and every man I've ever talked to days like I just don't know when to ask they get

1614
01:34:39.470 --> 01:34:40.070
so upset

1615
01:34:42.090 --> 01:34:49.050
They do and so the man don't know which one he dealing with and then you got others who say stupid stuff real early on

1616
01:34:49.050 --> 01:34:52.070
Let's go cuddle. I

1617
01:34:52.070 --> 01:34:54.490
Don't even know you buddy. Why would I want to cuddle with you?

1618
01:34:54.570 --> 01:34:59.970
And so it's just like all these different type of me and I just think they don't know when to actually say something

1619
01:35:01.640 --> 01:35:04.220
So you don't think that I'm being too aggressive, like?

1620
01:35:05.060 --> 01:35:07.860
Well, you aggressive than I am too, but I don't mind being aggressive.

1621
01:35:09.540 --> 01:35:14.220
Well, I just figure, especially in the early stages, when you're just getting to know somebody,

1622
01:35:14.660 --> 01:35:15.560
I don't know.

1623
01:35:15.640 --> 01:35:22.680
I just feel like if it's happening, I don't know, if it makes it go at a pace that keeps

1624
01:35:22.820 --> 01:35:29.040
my momentum up, then I feel like I'm more willing to do that.

1625
01:35:29.040 --> 01:35:35.020
But what's not a problem, and this is what I say now, I'll kind of leave it at this.

1626
01:35:35.580 --> 01:35:41.380
I'll say, hey, I can't, I will say, hey, it's been great kind of getting to know you.

1627
01:35:41.440 --> 01:35:43.180
I would like to continue this.

1628
01:35:43.460 --> 01:35:46.520
If you're interested, I wouldn't mind exchanging numbers.

1629
01:35:46.660 --> 01:35:48.000
Is this something you would like?

1630
01:35:48.300 --> 01:35:52.120
And so I say it, but I give it back to them to make a decision.

1631
01:35:53.220 --> 01:35:56.260
And they're like, they shoot their numbers so fast.

1632
01:35:56.260 --> 01:35:58.420
And I'm like, great, I'm going to lock you in.

1633
01:35:58.420 --> 01:36:02.140
I won't be able to chat with you right now, but let's see if we can talk tomorrow.

1634
01:36:04.380 --> 01:36:04.940
Yeah.

1635
01:36:04.940 --> 01:36:11.260
And that's usually how I, I usually say like, hey, how do you feel about, you know, meeting

1636
01:36:11.260 --> 01:36:15.540
up or, you know, yeah, I kind of let them choose.

1637
01:36:16.500 --> 01:36:17.000
Right.

1638
01:36:17.400 --> 01:36:20.360
And so it's nothing I, I, I, um, I understand.

1639
01:36:22.200 --> 01:36:22.760
Okay.

1640
01:36:22.980 --> 01:36:23.540
Yeah.

1641
01:36:24.020 --> 01:36:25.120
Way to go.

1642
01:36:26.520 --> 01:36:27.080
All right.

1643
01:36:27.080 --> 01:36:27.200
All right.

1644
01:36:27.780 --> 01:36:29.480
Um, I think Kim was next.

1645
01:36:29.880 --> 01:36:35.040
And also, if any of you ladies are in the Austin area, as Kim is unmuting, um, if you

1646
01:36:35.040 --> 01:36:38.300
saw on the wall, Stephanie, she's from Nebraska.

1647
01:36:38.480 --> 01:36:40.500
She's coming in town tomorrow.

1648
01:36:40.600 --> 01:36:41.940
She's going to be here for the weekend.

1649
01:36:42.080 --> 01:36:47.060
And she wants to know, see if Aubrey, if any of you ladies want to meet up and hang out.

1650
01:36:47.620 --> 01:36:53.680
Um, and so she'll be in the area, find her post if you're interested and just say, hey,

1651
01:36:53.680 --> 01:36:55.020
I'm in the same area.

1652
01:36:55.020 --> 01:37:01.120
Maybe we can all link up and go bowling or, you know, go out to a restaurant or something.

1653
01:37:02.260 --> 01:37:06.720
And so, um, I'll be hanging out with her and excited as well.

1654
01:37:06.840 --> 01:37:12.640
And so if anybody's in the area, Georgetown, Austin, please respond to her post.

1655
01:37:13.080 --> 01:37:13.080


1656
01:37:13.080 --> 01:37:13.480
Kim.

1657
01:37:14.800 --> 01:37:15.020
Hi.

1658
01:37:15.520 --> 01:37:16.160
Hey.

1659
01:37:16.860 --> 01:37:17.160
How's it going?

1660
01:37:17.720 --> 01:37:18.220
Good.

1661
01:37:18.260 --> 01:37:18.760
Good.

1662
01:37:19.240 --> 01:37:20.740
Um, really well.

1663
01:37:20.980 --> 01:37:21.580
Yeah.

1664
01:37:21.880 --> 01:37:22.480
I'm happy.

1665
01:37:23.040 --> 01:37:23.880
You look happy.

1666
01:37:23.880 --> 01:37:32.760
So, um, I do have, I do have, I would like your feedback on something that is, is a non-negotiable

1667
01:37:32.760 --> 01:37:33.600
for me.

1668
01:37:34.320 --> 01:37:45.140
Um, and I know because of that, it limits the number of people that will be, you know,

1669
01:37:45.680 --> 01:37:53.340
um, that are out there that, that I could date and, um, but I know all it takes is one.

1670
01:37:53.340 --> 01:37:53.880
Um, I do.

1671
01:37:53.880 --> 01:37:54.800
I believe that.

1672
01:37:54.920 --> 01:37:55.580
I know that.

1673
01:37:55.740 --> 01:37:58.100
I know God's got somebody for me.

1674
01:37:58.240 --> 01:38:06.680
Um, so my non, my non-negotiable is that the man that God has for me, it's got to be Holy

1675
01:38:06.680 --> 01:38:07.260
Spirit filled.

1676
01:38:08.780 --> 01:38:16.360
And I, I received the Lord at 15, a very young age, and it wasn't until I was 40 that I found

1677
01:38:16.360 --> 01:38:22.320
Holy Spirit because I was, um, pretty much in just very conservative, um, mostly Baptist

1678
01:38:22.320 --> 01:38:27.580
and other type of churches that didn't raise their hands and didn't worship the way I worship

1679
01:38:27.580 --> 01:38:28.080
now.

1680
01:38:28.500 --> 01:38:36.020
And, and I found, I found Holy Spirit when I was abandoned, uh, by my ex-husband, um,

1681
01:38:36.540 --> 01:38:38.020
in a really cool way.

1682
01:38:38.020 --> 01:38:45.200
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a really neat story, but, um, that became so, I, I was so

1683
01:38:45.880 --> 01:38:46.440
filled.

1684
01:38:46.440 --> 01:38:51.240
It was like a gift that God gave me in the loss that I, that I experienced.

1685
01:38:51.240 --> 01:38:55.620
God gave me Holy Spirit and, and somebody, you know, something that will never leave

1686
01:38:55.620 --> 01:38:57.480
me and can never be taken away from me.

1687
01:38:57.480 --> 01:39:04.940
And just, I value that so highly that, and I've grown so much, uh, spiritually and just,

1688
01:39:05.320 --> 01:39:12.600
just, just, yeah, just, uh, exponentially that I'm not willing to accept anything less

1689
01:39:12.600 --> 01:39:13.280
than that.

1690
01:39:13.280 --> 01:39:19.420
And I know, you know, as I look around in, in church and I go to a fairly large church,

1691
01:39:19.420 --> 01:39:29.280
there, there are just, I don't see any, any men and that are prospects or, you know, that,

1692
01:39:29.660 --> 01:39:35.280
that are my age and, you know, I, I, that was at age 40 that I found the Holy Spirit

1693
01:39:35.280 --> 01:39:40.280
and I've just been worshiping and rejoicing ever since.

1694
01:39:40.280 --> 01:39:42.020
And so I'm 66 now.

1695
01:39:43.020 --> 01:39:49.380
And, um, so when I speak to men, that's really one of the things I want to know.

1696
01:39:49.660 --> 01:39:56.720
And I'm, I'm not willing to, I'm not willing to go to, uh, to a different type of church

1697
01:39:56.720 --> 01:39:57.040
now.

1698
01:39:57.040 --> 01:39:59.940
I'm not willing to, to not be.

1699
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.180
with a man that doesn't know how to pray with power and with

1700
01:40:05.360 --> 01:40:09.860
being fit, you know, being led by the Spirit. So I know that my

1701
01:40:10.620 --> 01:40:14.380
I don't know what you want to call it my playing field. You

1702
01:40:14.380 --> 01:40:18.980
know, I know that the selection of men in that category are are

1703
01:40:19.220 --> 01:40:24.500
not are not that great. And, but again, I know God, I know God

1704
01:40:24.500 --> 01:40:30.320
can. I know God has one for me. But anyway, does that? Does that

1705
01:40:30.320 --> 01:40:32.580
make sense? I mean, I just wanted your feedback on the

1706
01:40:32.660 --> 01:40:36.400
fact that that's a non negotiable for me. And I, I

1707
01:40:36.400 --> 01:40:38.620
just am not willing to settle for less.

1708
01:40:40.180 --> 01:40:43.140
Yeah, yeah, it's nothing wrong with that. If that's your non

1709
01:40:43.140 --> 01:40:47.040
negotiable, because you get to sit it in. I don't I understand

1710
01:40:47.040 --> 01:40:49.520
that you're not willing to settle for less. And if that's

1711
01:40:49.520 --> 01:40:52.820
your non negotiable, you shouldn't settle for less. I

1712
01:40:52.820 --> 01:40:57.620
will tell you this, every man I know is Holy Spirit feel. And

1713
01:40:58.500 --> 01:41:02.320
so I mean, I go to church a lot, but these godly men that I know

1714
01:41:02.320 --> 01:41:05.820
are Holy Spirit feel. And so I know you feel like it may be a

1715
01:41:05.820 --> 01:41:10.680
few, but it's not a few is a lot Kim. And you're choosing when

1716
01:41:10.680 --> 01:41:13.580
you marry someone, this is the person that you come up under,

1717
01:41:14.080 --> 01:41:17.200
they get to sharpen you and shape you and grow you and

1718
01:41:17.200 --> 01:41:20.880
expand you and you get to do the same for them. And you want to

1719
01:41:20.880 --> 01:41:23.660
know that he has a conviction and that he hears the Father,

1720
01:41:23.800 --> 01:41:26.900
that when he does something, you can go to the Lord, it just same

1721
01:41:26.900 --> 01:41:29.920
way the Holy Spirit can get on you, it could get a hold to him

1722
01:41:29.920 --> 01:41:33.480
as well. And so I don't want you to believe that you're being

1723
01:41:33.840 --> 01:41:39.900
unreasonable. Yeah, but also it's not a but however, let the

1724
01:41:39.940 --> 01:41:46.100
Lord evaluate the man's heart on your behalf. Because what we see

1725
01:41:46.480 --> 01:41:49.620
cannot be the truth of what we know. And I go back to this

1726
01:41:49.620 --> 01:41:53.800
because this is something that the Lord told me. And it's

1727
01:41:53.800 --> 01:41:58.200
because I have similar non-negotiables. I mean, I'm

1728
01:41:58.200 --> 01:42:00.680
very, I've been married before and I understand what it's like

1729
01:42:00.680 --> 01:42:06.460
to be under a man of a certain type of a man. Yes, it is. Yeah.

1730
01:42:06.460 --> 01:42:11.380
So it can be a bondage. It is bondage. And I had to be rescued

1731
01:42:11.380 --> 01:42:15.540
from that bondage. But the Lord told me, and he used the

1732
01:42:15.540 --> 01:42:18.400
parable, not the parable, the story when Samuel went to

1733
01:42:18.400 --> 01:42:21.440
David, he said, surely this is the one, surely this is the one,

1734
01:42:21.720 --> 01:42:24.620
surely this is the one. And the Lord says, I judged the heart of

1735
01:42:24.620 --> 01:42:28.780
man. And so my prayer now is when I meet men, or even when

1736
01:42:28.780 --> 01:42:32.700
I'm praying for my husband, Lord, how have you judged his

1737
01:42:32.520 --> 01:42:37.000
heart? Right? How have you judged his heart? Because you

1738
01:42:37.000 --> 01:42:41.020
may meet, and these are just may, you may meet a man, and it

1739
01:42:41.020 --> 01:42:43.620
may seem like he's not Holy Spirit feeling, you may say,

1740
01:42:43.640 --> 01:42:46.680
well, come to go to church with me. And all of a sudden he gets

1741
01:42:46.680 --> 01:42:49.320
there and is where his heart is long. You don't know the work

1742
01:42:49.320 --> 01:42:52.460
he's done before you met him. And you may say, well, I don't

1743
01:42:52.460 --> 01:42:55.500
want to watch a man grow. Well, that's not necessarily true that

1744
01:42:55.500 --> 01:42:57.760
he has to grow. Maybe this is his first time like you were

1745
01:42:57.760 --> 01:43:00.380
being introduced to the Holy Spirit, but he was righteous in

1746
01:43:00.380 --> 01:43:04.200
every other way. Does that make sense? And so what I'm saying

1747
01:43:04.200 --> 01:43:07.040
is, because I know you hear from the Lord, and you are going to

1748
01:43:06.820 --> 01:43:11.080
listen. Also make sure that space is cut out for how God

1749
01:43:11.080 --> 01:43:15.180
has judged him, and not the way you, not the way you see the

1750
01:43:15.180 --> 01:43:19.800
person initially. Right? So they may say, I go to a

1751
01:43:19.800 --> 01:43:23.920
Methodist church, or like some kind of denomination where you

1752
01:43:24.080 --> 01:43:28.760
know, right? Like in my home church at home in Methodist, and

1753
01:43:28.760 --> 01:43:31.440
they love me, they're still my family. But they say, what is

1754
01:43:31.440 --> 01:43:34.980
even the Holy Spirit? That's what they said in my church. But

1755
01:43:34.980 --> 01:43:39.280
these are my family, these are people that I love. But I

1756
01:43:39.220 --> 01:43:42.180
understood, so I could have a perception of that, but that

1757
01:43:42.180 --> 01:43:44.960
doesn't mean that that man is packaged that way. And we have

1758
01:43:44.960 --> 01:43:48.560
to think about Bethany and her husband. Her husband, Bethany

1759
01:43:48.280 --> 01:43:52.900
is, you may think, what more like charismatic and apostle,

1760
01:43:53.060 --> 01:43:55.840
she's prophetic, she's operating in the spirit, and her husband

1761
01:43:55.840 --> 01:43:58.720
is of a certain type of denomination. And I'm sure

1762
01:43:58.720 --> 01:44:01.720
they're not shaking and moving that way. And so that's what she

1763
01:44:01.720 --> 01:44:07.680
thought about him when she met him. Like, oh, no, no, you're

1764
01:44:07.680 --> 01:44:11.600
past a dead denomination. Oh, no. But God rocks her world. She

1765
01:44:11.600 --> 01:44:15.520
didn't know the jewel that God had in this man for her, and how

1766
01:44:15.520 --> 01:44:20.020
much capacity he has for the spirit, all of these things. And

1767
01:44:20.020 --> 01:44:25.000
so that's what I want to say. So we do have to be real, let God

1768
01:44:25.000 --> 01:44:27.360
lead because he comes with a lot of surprises.

1769
01:44:29.180 --> 01:44:33.240
Okay. Yeah. And like you said, I know that God's called me to

1770
01:44:33.240 --> 01:44:39.500
leadership. So it's gonna have to be somebody that isn't, you

1771
01:44:39.500 --> 01:44:43.700
know, and, and, and I'm okay with that. I mean, I have peace

1772
01:44:44.320 --> 01:44:47.960
about making that that is my non negotiable, but I just wanted

1773
01:44:47.960 --> 01:44:49.740
to get your feedback on that.

1774
01:44:49.700 --> 01:44:53.080
Yeah. And another non negotiable ladies, I want you guys to throw

1775
01:44:53.080 --> 01:44:57.460
in there is that a man has a teachable heart. Because a man

1776
01:44:57.460 --> 01:44:59.980
could have been in leadership in a ministry a very long time.

1777
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.160
I mean, he's not teachable, he's prideful.

1778
01:45:03.420 --> 01:45:06.700
He's not, one thing can be from the outside

1779
01:45:06.700 --> 01:45:08.840
and we can look, it can look good on paper

1780
01:45:08.960 --> 01:45:11.720
and he cannot be fearful of the Lord.

1781
01:45:11.900 --> 01:45:13.600
And these things you don't know.

1782
01:45:13.640 --> 01:45:14.940
So sometimes when we're meeting somebody,

1783
01:45:15.100 --> 01:45:16.060
we feel like they check this spot,

1784
01:45:16.180 --> 01:45:17.740
they check this spot, you don't know them.

1785
01:45:18.320 --> 01:45:22.580
And so one of the core things I lean more on,

1786
01:45:22.760 --> 01:45:23.940
are they teachable?

1787
01:45:24.500 --> 01:45:26.000
Do they fear the Lord?

1788
01:45:26.580 --> 01:45:29.280
All of, I've loved the Lord and did some heinous things.

1789
01:45:29.280 --> 01:45:31.860
I've loved the Lord and had sex with me.

1790
01:45:31.880 --> 01:45:32.600
And this is true.

1791
01:45:32.620 --> 01:45:34.700
I've loved the Lord and done a lot of things.

1792
01:45:34.760 --> 01:45:36.980
But when the fear of the Lord came in my life,

1793
01:45:37.300 --> 01:45:39.520
I walk different, I honor God different.

1794
01:45:39.900 --> 01:45:43.260
I was mindful what comes out of my mouth.

1795
01:45:43.640 --> 01:45:46.480
There's a difference between a person who fears the Lord

1796
01:45:46.540 --> 01:45:48.580
and honors him and then just one way.

1797
01:45:48.780 --> 01:45:50.840
And so a lot of things we have to break down

1798
01:45:50.840 --> 01:45:52.940
to the core of what we want in our husband.

1799
01:45:53.480 --> 01:45:55.000
We want a man who's teachable.

1800
01:45:55.260 --> 01:45:57.240
We want a man who can communicate.

1801
01:45:57.240 --> 01:45:59.340
He might can lay hands, cast out demons,

1802
01:45:59.520 --> 01:46:00.720
be anointing, heal people

1803
01:46:00.720 --> 01:46:02.680
and everything we thought it should be.

1804
01:46:03.300 --> 01:46:04.920
Be standing in the spotlight.

1805
01:46:05.020 --> 01:46:06.780
And we say, that's the one for me.

1806
01:46:07.020 --> 01:46:09.360
But he can't even hold his house together.

1807
01:46:09.420 --> 01:46:12.240
When he gets home, he don't have the capacity for a wife.

1808
01:46:12.300 --> 01:46:14.680
He didn't have a capacity for a family.

1809
01:46:15.660 --> 01:46:21.640
Yeah, and so, sometimes it's best to create the plan

1810
01:46:21.640 --> 01:46:24.440
based on core foundations of what's needed

1811
01:46:25.040 --> 01:46:26.820
for what you want.

1812
01:46:28.120 --> 01:46:30.440
Okay, that's good.

1813
01:46:31.440 --> 01:46:31.440


1814
01:46:31.740 --> 01:46:32.260
Yeah.

1815
01:46:32.740 --> 01:46:33.040
Great.

1816
01:46:33.540 --> 01:46:34.800
All right, Stephanie.

1817
01:46:35.180 --> 01:46:37.580
And it's 847 again, ladies.

1818
01:46:37.980 --> 01:46:39.960
My, my, my, we had such a good time.

1819
01:46:41.260 --> 01:46:43.700
But don't, you don't feel, please don't ever feel,

1820
01:46:43.700 --> 01:46:44.840
hey, Heaven, they told me you,

1821
01:46:44.940 --> 01:46:46.680
did you say you was gonna tell me bye too?

1822
01:46:48.040 --> 01:46:50.140
Don't ever feel like,

1823
01:46:51.700 --> 01:46:54.220
we're gonna miss you, Heaven.

1824
01:46:54.520 --> 01:46:55.980
I'm gonna miss you guys too.

1825
01:46:56.080 --> 01:46:57.580
I really don't wanna go, but.

1826
01:46:58.980 --> 01:47:00.720
I'll see you on the other side.

1827
01:47:01.000 --> 01:47:01.460
I'll see you.

1828
01:47:03.120 --> 01:47:04.680
My mom was recording something

1829
01:47:04.680 --> 01:47:05.860
and I totally interrupted her.

1830
01:47:06.220 --> 01:47:07.840
Let me move real quick.

1831
01:47:08.500 --> 01:47:08.880
Oh.

1832
01:47:09.520 --> 01:47:10.860
I'm sorry, one more time.

1833
01:47:13.280 --> 01:47:13.880
What were you saying?

1834
01:47:13.880 --> 01:47:16.140
I said, I'll see you on the other side.

1835
01:47:16.460 --> 01:47:19.500
I come to the session three stuff often enough.

1836
01:47:20.140 --> 01:47:22.500
But yeah, I really didn't wanna go,

1837
01:47:22.640 --> 01:47:24.360
but I'm saying, you know, it's like.

1838
01:47:24.460 --> 01:47:24.800
It's time.

1839
01:47:25.140 --> 01:47:25.860
It's time.

1840
01:47:26.240 --> 01:47:28.820
Go enjoy phase three, it is worth it.

1841
01:47:28.920 --> 01:47:29.880
Thank you, thank you.

1842
01:47:30.400 --> 01:47:31.000
You're welcome.

1843
01:47:32.800 --> 01:47:35.720
Stephanie, I saw you on your pictures at,

1844
01:47:36.800 --> 01:47:38.280
didn't you go to Disneyland?

1845
01:47:38.440 --> 01:47:39.280
Disney World, right?

1846
01:47:39.300 --> 01:47:42.020
Yes, I did go to Disney, yes.

1847
01:47:42.120 --> 01:47:42.540
Sorry, I'm driving.

1848
01:47:42.560 --> 01:47:44.140
You were looking fabulous.

1849
01:47:44.520 --> 01:47:45.460
Thank you.

1850
01:47:46.040 --> 01:47:46.800
You're welcome.

1851
01:47:47.960 --> 01:47:48.820
I just wanna,

1852
01:47:49.620 --> 01:47:51.960
yeah, I was,

1853
01:47:53.600 --> 01:47:55.560
as this month has been proceeding,

1854
01:47:56.260 --> 01:47:58.280
like, Holy Spirit was just putting on my heart that,

1855
01:47:58.760 --> 01:47:59.860
okay, all right, baby bird,

1856
01:47:59.960 --> 01:48:03.260
it's time for you to get out that nest of phase two.

1857
01:48:03.440 --> 01:48:04.620
I'm preparing you.

1858
01:48:07.180 --> 01:48:10.080
Don't force Ebony to kick you out the nest.

1859
01:48:12.360 --> 01:48:13.400
Will y'all leave?

1860
01:48:13.420 --> 01:48:14.820
I'm like, they're leaving me.

1861
01:48:15.060 --> 01:48:16.740
My babies are gone.

1862
01:48:17.840 --> 01:48:21.660
Yes, but I just wanna say thank you so much

1863
01:48:22.220 --> 01:48:26.300
for all of your wisdom and your encouragement.

1864
01:48:26.780 --> 01:48:29.620
You are one of my favorite encouragers.

1865
01:48:29.940 --> 01:48:34.080
As I was listening to you coaching in this call,

1866
01:48:34.380 --> 01:48:35.800
I was just thinking like, wow,

1867
01:48:35.840 --> 01:48:38.500
she has such a beautiful gift of encouragement,

1868
01:48:38.500 --> 01:48:40.340
and I thank you for that,

1869
01:48:40.460 --> 01:48:45.260
and your words will be replaying in my heart and mind

1870
01:48:45.260 --> 01:48:47.940
as I go on whatever dates are coming up,

1871
01:48:49.180 --> 01:48:53.260
but yeah, I just really appreciate you so much,

1872
01:48:53.760 --> 01:48:56.580
and I'm excited for the next phase,

1873
01:48:56.620 --> 01:48:58.900
but nervous at the same time,

1874
01:48:59.780 --> 01:49:01.180
because I'm gonna miss you.

1875
01:49:01.260 --> 01:49:02.900
I'm gonna miss both you and Carla

1876
01:49:03.160 --> 01:49:05.040
and the hand-holding that I got.

1877
01:49:05.480 --> 01:49:09.100
So, ladies, soak up this hand-holding, for real.

1878
01:49:11.700 --> 01:49:13.500
Oh, Stephanie, you are amazing.

1879
01:49:13.520 --> 01:49:14.560
I'm so excited for you.

1880
01:49:14.560 --> 01:49:15.880
You grew so fast.

1881
01:49:16.560 --> 01:49:19.320
Yeah, Stephanie went, literally, from one conversation,

1882
01:49:19.600 --> 01:49:22.340
like, yeah, I can't do this dating thing.

1883
01:49:22.380 --> 01:49:24.020
I'm just not gonna do it.

1884
01:49:24.020 --> 01:49:25.420
I'm too traumatized.

1885
01:49:26.160 --> 01:49:27.880
I was supposed to make my dating profile.

1886
01:49:28.040 --> 01:49:29.600
I was like, well, why don't you just do it?

1887
01:49:29.980 --> 01:49:31.880
Do it by Monday or something like that,

1888
01:49:31.880 --> 01:49:33.280
and she was like, what?

1889
01:49:34.700 --> 01:49:38.520
And she did it, and she ain't stopped dating since.

1890
01:49:39.440 --> 01:49:44.120
Oh, my God.

1891
01:49:44.300 --> 01:49:46.480
Oh, yeah, so you are so welcome.

1892
01:49:46.700 --> 01:49:49.180
We are so happy doing this journey with you all.

1893
01:49:49.520 --> 01:49:52.300
I'll tell you, it's one of the greatest blessings of our life.

1894
01:49:53.540 --> 01:49:54.240
Love you all, ladies.

1895
01:49:54.820 --> 01:49:56.800
Felicia, let us pray for you right quick.

1896
01:49:57.300 --> 01:49:59.420
Do you have a moment for us to pray for you right quick?

1897
01:49:59.480 --> 01:49:59.980
I'm sorry.

1898
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.980
I didn't mean to cut you off step and Felicia was saying she was going and she put it in the

1899
01:50:03.980 --> 01:50:09.460
Comments that her brother passed and so if you guys would just join me in praying for her

1900
01:50:09.460 --> 01:50:12.840
Father god, we thank you for felicia. We thank you for her life

1901
01:50:12.840 --> 01:50:18.020
We know that you see her that you're with her that you will never leave her nor forsake her lord

1902
01:50:18.020 --> 01:50:20.360
There are no words that we have that can erase

1903
01:50:20.500 --> 01:50:26.200
Any of the pain that she's feeling and we don't want to offer up words to release the pain that she's feeling father god

1904
01:50:26.200 --> 01:50:31.940
Because the pain and the tears that she cried are in honor for who her brother was in her life

1905
01:50:31.940 --> 01:50:34.740
Their honor for the gift that you gave her through her brother

1906
01:50:34.740 --> 01:50:40.060
And so what we do ask is that you will wrap her in your sweet peace one thing about you

1907
01:50:40.060 --> 01:50:42.200
God, you don't always take things away

1908
01:50:42.200 --> 01:50:46.180
But you have promised to be with us in any storm that we are uh experience

1909
01:50:46.180 --> 01:50:53.060
The bible says that many are the afflictions of the righteous but the lord delivered him out of them all

1910
01:50:53.060 --> 01:50:58.800
So we're declaring over your life tonight felicia that the lord is delivering you out of every affliction

1911
01:50:58.800 --> 01:51:03.080
The bible says that jesus christ bore our griefs on the cross

1912
01:51:03.080 --> 01:51:07.100
So he knows what it's like to grieve and he bore them in his body

1913
01:51:07.100 --> 01:51:14.220
And so right now the same body that has bore your grief. I declare that same body is carrying you right now

1914
01:51:14.220 --> 01:51:21.320
I declare that the body of christ was broken for your sake that his blood was shed for your sake that you may be made whole

1915
01:51:21.320 --> 01:51:26.360
Complete lacking no good thing. And so I pray that the father's own will wrap himself around you

1916
01:51:26.360 --> 01:51:30.780
I know that he is he's wrapping himself around you as you take this journey

1917
01:51:30.780 --> 01:51:34.820
And i'm just telling you not one tear you share shall be in vain

1918
01:51:34.820 --> 01:51:36.300
But the lord has taken the tears

1919
01:51:36.300 --> 01:51:39.720
There's a scripture that says that god takes our tears and he holds them in a little bottle

1920
01:51:39.720 --> 01:51:42.720
and it says that these women in the book of psalms that

1921
01:51:42.720 --> 01:51:46.660
They will they will they will shed their tears and they're going to come back carrying

1922
01:51:47.260 --> 01:51:54.000
Armloads of blessings and joy and they're going to be rejoicing and I declare over you weeping may endure for a night

1923
01:51:54.000 --> 01:51:59.040
But joy will come in the morning for you. I declare that every day from this day

1924
01:51:59.040 --> 01:52:00.880
You're going to see a little bit more hope

1925
01:52:00.880 --> 01:52:05.180
It's going to be like the sun is peeking through the clouds and you're going to be able to declare

1926
01:52:05.260 --> 01:52:07.200
That god is for me

1927
01:52:07.200 --> 01:52:12.300
I would have fainted unless I believed to see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living

1928
01:52:12.300 --> 01:52:16.060
I declare you shall not faint, but you shall mount up on wings as eagles

1929
01:52:16.060 --> 01:52:20.560
You shall run and not get weary. You shall walk and not faint because your god is with you

1930
01:52:20.560 --> 01:52:29.080
He is for you. He will not leave you or forsake you and that is your promise in jesus name. Amen

1931
01:52:31.120 --> 01:52:33.620
If anyone else want to throw a prayer in there

1932
01:52:33.620 --> 01:52:39.360
I didn't want to end it without if you wanted to go ahead and unmute and and pray if that's what you want to do

1933
01:52:43.840 --> 01:52:44.280
Okay

1934
01:52:46.800 --> 01:52:47.240
Amen

1935
01:52:47.460 --> 01:52:53.840
Thank you all. Thank you. Really really appreciate it. I need all your arms. Thank you so much ebony and the ladies. Love you

1936
01:52:54.120 --> 01:52:55.900
We love you, too

1937
01:52:56.340 --> 01:52:58.760
All right, stephanie, what are we doing?

1938
01:52:59.800 --> 01:53:03.100
I'll see you on the other side. I'm coming over there. I'll be looking for y'all

1939
01:53:03.180 --> 01:53:06.260
I love I get on I saw they having some in phase three tonight

1940
01:53:06.260 --> 01:53:10.680
Let me go find my people and i'll be scrolling to see if y'all make comments about a man

1941
01:53:10.680 --> 01:53:18.320
I should be looking and looking and looking and so I keep my eyes out. I have enjoyed you ladies tonight

1942
01:53:18.320 --> 01:53:21.720
You're always a blessing now. We haven't done this activation in a long time

1943
01:53:21.720 --> 01:53:25.300
And so we're gonna do this and I want you guys to get in your bed tonight

1944
01:53:25.300 --> 01:53:26.380
Do you hear me?

1945
01:53:26.540 --> 01:53:31.280
And I want you to roll all the way over to the other side and then on your way back

1946
01:53:31.280 --> 01:53:36.100
I want you to remember just a little while you're gonna bump into a man and his name gonna be your husband

1947
01:53:36.100 --> 01:53:39.440
And I just want you to thank the lord on way on your way back

1948
01:53:39.440 --> 01:53:42.740
So one day this side will be filled with my husband

1949
01:53:42.740 --> 01:53:47.380
You got it roll to the other side because ain't nobody there right now, but on your way back

1950
01:53:47.380 --> 01:53:53.160
I want you to bump into your husband. All right, and so god I just thank you for godly

1951
01:53:53.380 --> 01:54:01.400
Kingdom marriages this revival that's happening for every one of these women. You have something special a special treat in store for them

1952
01:54:01.400 --> 01:54:07.320
We love you father and we thank you that you thought of us in this way in jesus name. Amen

1953
01:54:08.300 --> 01:54:11.240
Thank you. You're welcome for tea. I miss you

1954
01:54:16.800 --> 01:54:18.600
Good night, everyone

1955
01:54:20.220 --> 01:54:26.800
Good night, ladies. I just got back ebony from my trip. I was in japan

1956
01:54:26.800 --> 01:54:27.420
Oh

1957
01:54:28.720 --> 01:54:28.940
Yeah

1958
01:54:29.260 --> 01:54:32.840
So i'm still jet lagged, but it's good

1959
01:54:32.840 --> 01:54:34.900
What you been what you been doing in japan?

1960
01:54:35.420 --> 01:54:38.040
Oh just took a break

1961
01:54:38.060 --> 01:54:39.580
That's nice

1962
01:54:40.640 --> 01:54:44.100
Yeah, it was great. It was really great. I I needed it

1963
01:54:44.100 --> 01:54:48.240
It was great. So yeah, well, I missed you

1964
01:54:48.760 --> 01:54:52.020
Yes, I did too. I'm so i'm so happy to be back

1965
01:54:52.020 --> 01:54:59.580
Um, I was on my five out of the seven date on challenge i'm hoping to meet my target soon

1966
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:03.840
Yes. All right then, I'm excited.

1967
01:55:05.440 --> 01:55:06.640
Thank you. Good night, everyone.

1968
01:55:07.080 --> 01:55:07.800
Good night.