It's good to be back.
I'm so glad to be back and I will be back for specific things.
And so I am, as you can see, in a car.
I'm out in California.
I had some business meetings that I needed to get to and I got out here to go to those
meetings and they went really well.
And what does that mean?
That means there's an expansion upon us of this movement and the people that we serve.
And so very excited to give all the details of that.
We'll probably be announcing all of the new things that we have to offer people in the
area and realm of their relationships at our anniversary party.
Can you believe it's already October?
It's already October.
I can't believe it.
And we will be gathering to celebrate five years of love, five years of the supernatural,
five years of God's grace.
And that's what the number five means over this movement.
Married in 12 Months or Less, last year's single, it is going to be amazing.
And that is going to be happening in Austin, Texas.
We will be going live different parts of the night, especially like during the speeches
or during any kind of announcements, we'll have a live stream.
We won't be going live during like the party, dancing, the DJ, all that stuff.
We won't be going live during that.
We will be going live during the portions of it that would be pertinent to all of you
that are not there.
And so we're excited about that.
Tonight's session is one of my favorite sessions.
I started doing this a mazillion years ago, I feel like.
It was actually only five years ago.
Did you guys know that I used to be the only coach?
I used to be the only person, the only leader in Married in 12 Months or Less, that's what
it was called five years ago.
And now it is called Last Year's Single.
It's been called Last Year's Single for about the last three years of those five years.
And I used to be the only one.
So I would go live several times a week.
Some of you probably remember those days.
I know Erin Joy remembers those days.
And it just used to be me.
We used to have like Mask Monday.
It used to be just ladies.
We didn't, we didn't, we had co-ed stuff.
We had co-ed gatherings, but we didn't necessarily have the men in our stuff like this.
We didn't have, we didn't invite the guys to that kind of stuff.
So we put on our masks, like our face masks, you know.
It wasn't like Mask Monday, like get your Halloween mask out.
It was like put on your face mask, you know, like your beauty mask, your cucumber mask,
whatever.
And we would talk.
And I will tell you, one of those nights we talked so long, I left that mask on so long
that it gave me a rash, right?
It was not good.
I remember that night.
But there's just so many things.
There's so much that we could get nostalgic about, that we could reminisce about.
We've had so many success stories.
We've helped so many people get healing in their hearts and reconciliation in their relationship
with God and themselves and others.
And it's just been a really wild ride.
And I believe that we're just getting started.
We have a beautiful team now of volunteers and moderators and single city leaders and
coaches and administrative team members and just everything you can think of.
And it is a small team, but it's a mighty team.
And I'm glad that it's not just me anymore, because that was a lot of work, which is why
I needed a sabbatical.
I kind of burnt myself out a little bit.
And when you're used to running at high capacity and high octane, you don't really notice that
you're burnt out.
But my little gallbladder was like, hey, you're burnt out.
And so for those of you that have been praying for me, thank you so much.
I'm about 85% better.
In fact, I ate meat for the first time yesterday, and I did not have any kind of negative reaction
to it.
I haven't been able to eat meat in months.
And so thank you for your prayers, because I'm wasting away over here, y'all.
I lost 20 pounds.
I mean, I'm not being funny.
I lost 20 pounds.
And yeah, and probably a lot of muscle.
So I'm on Ozempy without being on Ozempy.
Hello?
I promise you, I'm sure people are going to see me from afar.
They'd be like, oh, Jackie's on the Ozempy.
She's on the GLP-1.
And there's nothing wrong with that if you're on it.
I'm just saying I'm not, and they're probably going to think that I was.
But that's okay.
That's all right.
Sometimes prayers get answered in the weirdest ways.
God did not dysfunction my gallbladder.
I want to make sure I say that right away before someone writes in and says, did you
say God made you sick?
No, he didn't make me sick.
I made me sick by not respecting my own limitations and capacity and boundaries.
And when you're a builder and entrepreneur,
It's really easy to ignore the engine light on your car.
And so I'm very thankful that God is full of grace and mercy and he allowed me to get
ahead of whatever was going on with me, hormone replacement and gallbladder dyskinesia and
all the different things.
For those of you that are wondering, I didn't have stones.
I didn't have any situation that caused me to have to remove my gallbladder.
I had some dysfunction of my gallbladder.
I had a colicky gallbladder caused more by hormones is what the hypothesis is.
There's no real conclusive evidence.
All the tests came back inconclusive.
The good news is that none of the tests showed anything seriously wrong.
Okay, so that is good and that is good news.
So a huge change in diet, a very huge restriction in the volume of food that I'm able to eat,
but also in the kinds of food.
Guys, I found out through this process that I actually have a severe reaction to eggs,
to dairy, to corn, to salmon.
I've never liked shellfish like shrimp and stuff like that and I guess it's a good thing
because I have a severe reaction to those things.
I have a mild, more moderate reaction to things like avocado and things that I eat every day.
In fact, I said to the doctor, I said, I eat eggs all the time.
I don't notice anything and she said, oh, you won't notice it until you stop eating
them and you realize that all the inflammation in your body goes away and your joints stop
hurting and this stops hurting and that stops hurting.
I'm like, oh my gosh, Lord, but you guys, there's no alternative.
Getting old is the only alternative that we have because we don't like the other alternative,
right?
So thankfully we get to age with grace and mercy, but God has, I had been praying for
at least three years that I would be able to get healthy, that I would be able to lose
weight.
I hadn't, I gained a lot of weight after my mom passed away and then I went into menopause.
I wasn't able to lose any and so kind of the magic bullet of this situation just killed
all the birds with one stone, right?
I was able to lose 20 pounds, not a fun way.
I wouldn't recommend it, definitely not, but it did happen and I'm thankful.
That's kind of my Romans 828 moment, right?
My working all things to the good is great and so thank God for it.
All right, so that is the update on me.
I know a lot of you have been asking, thank you for praying for me.
I appreciate it.
Keep praying for me.
I'm 85% better.
I would like to be 100% better and I feel like that is happening soon.
I'm getting better every day and so thank you guys for that.
For those of you that were at the Disney retreat and actually saw me in person and prayed for
me back when I was still on the BRAT diet, if you wonder what that is, it's going to
make you a BRAT because you're going to be hangry, but it's an acronym that stands for
bananas, rice, applesauce and toast.
That is what I was able to eat in Disney of all places.
You know, I didn't get a Mickey head ice cream.
I didn't get to eat a churro.
I didn't get to eat any of the things that I would normally eat because it's Disney and
what happens in Disney stays in Disney or is that Vegas?
I'm not sure, but I think it's both places and for those of you that were at that retreat,
we pressed in.
God touched me.
You guys prayed for me.
I thank you so much for that, but I didn't get to enjoy any of the vittles and that's
okay.
You guys, we had an amazing chef.
If you ever thought about doing a retreat with us, I see some of you from Columbia on
here like Anna.
If you ever thought of doing a retreat with me, we have a lot of fun.
We eat a lot of good food.
It's a good time.
We have spiritual breakthrough and you should come.
You should definitely come.
Our Austin retreat is sold out.
Can't come to that one, but we will be having a whole bunch of retreats next year in 26
and I'm going to be announcing some really cool stuff at the party that we're going to
be doing for those of you that are in couples, those of you that are already coupled up,
for those that are married that are not on this call, although I do think we have some
married people that double dip and come back here because they're still in subscription
because they love it so much.
We're going to have some good things going forward for our couples and for our married
folks and for those of you that have specific things that are keeping you from being able
to really step into your love story.
So we're excited about all those announcements.
A lot more in-person stuff coming in 26.
I want to really encourage you, if you did not listen to my Supernatural Saturday from
that was my first day back and I did it on the new year, the Hebrew new year 5786.
Please go listen to it.
It's got a lot of nuggets in it for everybody and you're definitely going to want to go
listen to it because God would love to speak to your heart, encourage your heart and help
you to strategize for what's coming in the next 12 months.
I believe that there's going to be a lot of shifting.
We're already seeing it.
You guys, we see it in the earth right now.
There's all kinds of shifting happening.
awakening that's happening for a lot of people. It's going to be a good time to be a Christian
because God is going to be opening a lot of doors. There's going to be a lot of doors opening
in this season for those that have given their hearts to Jesus, for those that believe that
they're called and on an assignment, including the partnerships that we've been praying for for so
long. I want to encourage you that. I haven't done a dump of photos recently, but I will for those of
you that are in phase three, which should be all of you on this session. This is only a phase three
session. I will do a dump of all of those photos to keep encouraging your hearts. They are all
shapes and all sizes and all colors and all ages. That is really important. It's important for us to
remember that our spirit mate's going to be attracted to our essence, to what's more on
the inside than what's on the outside. It doesn't give you a pass to let your outside just go to the
pot, like an empty abandoned lot or field. We can't do that, but it is more about what's inside
and less about what is outside when it comes to spirit mates. That is important. I'm back.
I'm back. I could do the Terminator's voice and say I'm back, but my husband
would not appreciate it because he said I do the worst impressions of anyone
ever that lived. I think he's right. I'm not going to do it, but I might,
but I'm not. Okay. All right. We have some loveseat action. If you're new to loveseats,
if you just got here to phase three, welcome to our VIP community. That's what we call this
portion of our program now. This is where we do all kinds of fun things like single spotlights.
He said, she says, we have multiple coaches that coach in phase three besides just me,
but this is my session for phase three, Ask Jackie, also known as loveseats. This is where
you can ask me all your crazy questions and I will give you crazy answers and we will go forward
together. All right. That is what we do here. It is recorded. If you need to watch the replay,
if you are watching the replay in the future, hi future folk, time travelers and you will be able to
always hear this in replay because it's always recorded. All right. So we have a few people
that want to jump in the loveseats. We're going to go ahead and kick it off with Tanya D'Souza.
Are you in the house? You're on my list. Loveseat participant Tanya, are you here?
I don't see Tanya. All right. I think there was someone who wanted to ask
a question named Christy. Christy, are you here?
Yes, I'm here. I was unmuting. Let me just look at my. Okay. That's okay. Yes. So were you the
one that had the question about fit on the profile? Yes. Okay. My memory is serving me well.
All right. Cause I just looked over the notes just for a second. All right. So
the way this works is you're here in the loveseat and I can't really spotlight you because I'm,
you know, in the car. But, or can I? Yes, I can. I lied. I can spotlight you and I can also
spotlight myself. All right. So Christy and I are together now and Christy, go ahead and ask your
question. So my question is, as I'm looking at dating apps, I see on quite a few, well,
not quite a few, but enough profiles that something like must be fit or some version of that.
And when I look at the gentlemen, they're not that fit. And so I'm just wondering,
what is the, is there a question that I can ask something that is respectful?
Like what's your definition of fit? Cause I just swiped left anytime I see that. Cause I think,
oh, well, you know, I'm a size 12. They're not going to want that, but I'm really active. And
so I thought, all right, this is dumb instead of, you know, just swiping left. So I don't get
rejected. Is there something, some nice way to ask them what their definition is or what they're
looking for? I mean, you could just ask them that, you know, especially the ones that are
not really that fit themselves. And, you know, you're still, you said you're a size 12. Are you
also tall? No, I'm only five, six. Well, that's not short. So, you know, that's, that's over
average height. And so I guess really what I want to make sure of is that, you know, you said,
so when you really fit the first person that we have.
ask ourselves is that, do I consider myself fit, right?
It doesn't matter what, you know,
beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
So everyone's gonna have a different idea of what fit is,
of what beauty is, but do I consider myself fit?
Am I in the best shape that I can be in for my life?
That's the very first question
we should ask ourselves, right?
Especially because we don't wanna be offended
by other people saying that their preference
is someone who is taking care of themselves,
someone who's in good shape.
It's very easy to get offended by someone saying that
who's not in good shape to the naked eye, right?
They could also be someone who is working out possibly
and just, they also are someone who's just an endomorph
and is gonna carry extra weight no matter what as well,
right?
And so we don't know, we don't know.
But I do know this.
And ladies, every time I say this,
I always get an email from someone,
don't come after me, this is not my fault, okay?
It's not my fault.
I'm here to tell you the truth though.
And the truth is, is that I have been doing this
for a long time and I have coached hundreds of men
and I have interviewed even more,
as far as like, you know, they come,
they do questionnaire with me,
they come, they have a discovery call.
So I've had hundreds of men come through our coaching,
through our program, and I've had even more than hundreds,
probably at least a thousand or more men
just come through my challenge or do a discovery call
or something with the team.
And I will tell you, 80% or more of them,
the very first thing they say is,
I don't want someone who's fat.
They don't even say fit, they're not even being nice.
They just straight up say, you know, no fat chicks, right?
And that used to really offend me.
And I'm married, okay?
So I can imagine how it would feel to someone
who's doing their best out here
and still is never gonna be, you know, a size four.
And that's cool.
But the question that we have to have after that is,
what's fat?
You know, what is it?
What's fit?
What's fat?
Without getting offended, we have to get curious.
Leave a fence, leave a fence at the door, okay?
Leave a fence off the table, leave anger off the table.
If something like that makes you angry,
let's do some deeper hard work
and find out why were we bullied as kids?
You know, did someone reject us
because we weren't, you know, good enough for them
or sexy enough for them?
Gentlemen, you can get rejected as well.
Maybe you weren't tall enough.
Maybe you didn't have enough hair.
Maybe you were hair challenged.
You were follicly challenged, okay?
Perhaps that's what it was.
But whatever the case may be,
when we have temptation to be offended,
instead, let's be curious.
Be curious.
What is fit?
What is fat?
One person's fat is another person's curvy, right?
One person's fit is another person's fat.
You know, who knows?
And so I think that, you know,
approaching that with curiosity is a good place
to be like, hey, I noticed that, you know,
you're looking for someone who's fit.
Like, what does fit mean to you?
Someone who likes to work out, someone who's active,
someone who likes to hike and bike,
someone who, you know,
is taking the best care of themselves that they can,
like, you know, or is fit to you,
you know, a tiny little petite size zero cheeky mama.
But you don't have to ask the second question.
Just ask the first.
And we have size zero cheeky mamas in this program.
Right?
We do.
We have the entire spectrum.
And you can be skinny fat.
You can be super unhealthy and skinny.
I know that's true.
So let's not get offended, friends.
Let's get curious.
I will tell you there's a large percentage of men
who are not, you know, attracted to what they consider
overweight women, but at the same time,
what's overweight, and it goes for women too.
Ladies, I'm not gonna let you off the hook.
There's a lot of you that are not gonna give
a chubby man a chance.
You're not.
He's got a little bit of a cortisol belly.
It's no.
It's a no for you.
Right?
I know.
I know who you are.
I have tried to float introductions towards people
and they're like, nah, I'm not attracted to him.
Well, you don't know him.
So you shouldn't be attracted to him.
Cause guess what?
You've never met him before.
So Christy, we want you to report back.
Be bold, be curious, and tell us what happens.
I will.
Thank you.
But like I said, when I started out the call today.
Our spirit mates are going to love us you guys but we also have to love us.
Our spirit mates are going to be attracted to our essence, they're going to be attracted
to something that is intangible about us, our humor, our wits, our personality, our
love of life, our love of Jesus, there's just so many different things but please don't
make them have to get through layer and layer and layer of unhealthy behaviors to get to
the essence of you, this goes for men and women, don't make them try to dig through
all of that to find out who you are.
So you loving you, step one and that's going to look like something, it's going to look
like a change in behavior, possibly a change in diet for some of you, look someone said
to me when I was going through all these health problems they said, hey you never really appreciate
your health until you're sick, that's 100% true, just kind of take it for granted until
there's something that's out of alignment, right?
And so I will tell you that the best way to love yourself is to eat right and move your
body and do your heart work and so if you're not doing those things, please, please do
those things, okay?
Love you so someone else can love you too.
Alright, so let's see the next person, Christy, thank you for that question, I'm sure a lot
of people have that question and want to know, hey what do I do?
A lot of people just swipe left because they're mad though Christy, they just get super mad
and just swipe left like, oh jerk, how dare you fatty, how come you want a skinny girl
when you're over here looking like Santa without a beard, what's up?
But you're not doing that, you're going to be curious and it's going to be great.
Alright, let's see, Lily Serrano talking about boundaries, let's talk.
I got to untag here, let me do it, sorry guys, I'm on the phone but when they asked me if
I wanted to start back today, I was like, yeah, no, I don't care if I'm on this trip,
I want to do it.
Okay, so I got to find out where Christy is to untag her, let me look, alright, me, remove
spotlight, there's Christy, alright, alright, are we both on spotlighted, yes, yes, alright,
Lily is here, oh, Lily, you don't have your video on so I can't spotlight you but that's
okay, go ahead and talk.
So, I have a question about boundaries with opposite sex, I tend to not have, I tend to
only have guy friends if I'm getting to know them romantically, so I'm trying to get a
When I am in a relationship, I tend not to have guy friends, so I'm wondering at what
point does it make sense to just draw the line with, is it unhealthy to just have guy
friends that I want to get to know romantically only?
I mean, I love friends becoming lovers so to speak and I don't mean having sex before
marriage so please don't send me an email, I just mean, you know, going from platonic
to romantic, I do like, I do love us to start out as friends, it's great, it doesn't always
happen, in fact, it very seldom happens, you know, men seem to think that they know from
the very beginning whether or not they're going to be interested in a woman romantically,
so it's not necessarily a friends to, you know, friends to a romance or a girlfriend
situation.
So, women are different, we definitely can start out as friends, we can definitely let
men grow on us, we can, you know, get to know them better and then give them a chance but
I think that, you know, Lilly, it might be good for you, I mean, let me ask you a question,
okay, full disclosure on your part, do you start out as friends with guys that you're
interested in romantically because you just don't want to get rejected, do you kind of
like put yourself in the friend zone, do you play the friend card instead of showing romantic
interest from the beginning because you're saying.
I have a tendency to be friends with men that I'm romantically interested in.
Well, what I mean is I am not really, we're, we start off more as acquaintances
and then it's either going to move into, you know, something, something's
going to develop from it or not.
And if it doesn't, then we just disconnect and it is what it is.
So that's more, I guess, specific.
Okay.
So what I just told you about men is that men don't usually do that.
So how many of these acquaintances turn into romantic situations and how many
of them just turn into friendships?
Have you had a good record of them turning into a dating situation?
Um, yeah, typically they, I mean, it's all level.
So if we put it in levels, it's all level one, but that to
me is an acquaintance level one.
Sure.
And you're saying most of these level ones go to level twos or threes?
They'll stay at level one or they'll go to level two.
But I'm at, my question is, are, do the majority of them go to level two?
Um, I would say yes.
And then it kind of dies off.
Okay.
Right.
So that tells me that those guys were never really interested in
being your friend in the first place.
They were just kind of coming in through the friend door for whatever
reason to get on a date with you.
And, um, and so you could be attracting that, you know, so, um, I don't
really understand your question.
Are you saying, should you just be friends with guys that you're never
going to be romantically interested in?
Is that your question?
Is it unhealthy to be friends with guys that I'm never gonna, that I know I'm
never going to move into a romantic relationship with, how many female
friends do you have?
Oh, I mostly, all of my friends are females.
Okay.
Then yeah, I think it's fine to have men friends that you're never going
to be romantically interested in.
And you guys, the reason why I asked her about that was because
there are women out there.
She's obviously not one of them that they have a tendency because they're
attractive to attract a lot of guys that are their friends, but really want more.
You know, we know these girls, we know who they are.
You know, they have a bunch of guy friends.
They don't really have a lot of girlfriends, but they
have a bunch of guy friends.
All the guy friends are hoping to, you know, get their foot in the door by
being a friend and, you know, get out of the friend zone and get into the end zone.
Right.
And, and then that, that woman is feel supported by these men because
they're attentive because they, they're hoping to get into the end zone, right?
They're hoping to get into the boyfriend zone.
And so they're attentive, but if they eventually don't get
there, then that kind of dies off.
So I had to kind of gauge whether or not this was what Lily was talking about,
but if she has a really good, uh, girlfriend base of women and those
are her support system, and then she throws in a couple guys as well.
Men and women can be friends.
They can.
Men and women can just be friends and nobody wants anything more, but you
have to watch for signs that that's not really what's, you have to watch for
signs that that's not really what's happening.
Okay.
How do I, all of you, if you're going to be friends, if you're going to be
I'm talking about just friends.
You're just going to be friends.
The very first thing that you have to do is get honest with yourself.
Do I want anything more?
Am I hoping for anything more from this person?
Would I entertain something more from this person?
You got to get honest about your own feelings.
And then if the answer is no, no, even if they asked me out, I would say no.
In fact, I hope they don't because I don't want to ruin the friendship
because I'm not interested in them like that at all.
So you get honest with yourself.
And if it's a no, then you have to look at them and you have to
take their behavior seriously.
You have to look at it seriously.
You can't just lie to yourself because you like their attention.
Okay.
Because we're main characters and we like attention.
We can't lie to ourselves.
We have to be honest with ourselves and we know whether someone's romantically
interested in us, even if they're not saying so because they don't want to
get shot yet, we know.
And if that poor guy is showing signs that he's mooning over you, paying a lot
of attention, being, you know, just someone who, you know, if you gave him
the time of day, he would take it as far as romantically, you've got to let him
know in conversation.
Hey, I'm so glad we're friends.
I want to let you know, I don't see this going anywhere else, but friendship.
And then if he's not your friend anymore, he was never.
friend to begin with, he just wanted to see if he could get in through the friend door.
And then if you're the one that is pining away hoping that it can become something else,
then you have to be honest, you all have to be honest and say, Hey, I really enjoy our
friendship but I have to be honest, I really have been hoping that it becomes more.
Is that anything that you ever see happening?
And if they say no, they're honest with you and they say no, then you have to either say,
Okay, well, I don't think I could be friends with you because I'm always going to want
something more and go your separate ways.
Or you're going to if you feel like you really can be and don't be don't be lying to yourself.
Don't be trying to decipher and decode everything they do, hoping they're going to change their
mind, hoping you're going to grow on them.
You know, they're, they're, they're paying more attention to you this week than they
did last week.
So maybe they're, they're starting to be attracted to you.
No, no, no.
They said, No, please do yourself a favor, you're just going to get into a situationship
where you keep looking for signs and evidence that it's something more than what they already
told you it was.
And you're going to break your own heart.
I promise you nine times out of 10, nine and a half times out of 10, you're going to break
your own heart.
No question about that.
I want you guys to raise your hands if you've ever done what I just said.
Got yourself into a situation where you're just hoping for more, hoping for more.
They kind of made it clear that there wasn't going to be more.
But there were just times where you felt like there was chemistry.
There's times where you felt like it wasn't just friends.
Look at all those hands, lots of hands.
All right, you guys, let's not break our own hearts.
Let's be honest with ourselves.
Let's define this thing early on.
If there's extra feelings, if you know they have them, call them out.
If you have them, call yourself out.
And if you really can't be friends with them without locking yourself down and basically
delaying a real relationship with someone else, then don't do it.
Lily, what's your question?
I've had a situation like that where I was friends with a guy and I told him from the
very beginning that when I get married, you'll probably be my bridesmaid.
I was just kidding, but not attracted to him at all.
I'm sure he loved that comment.
Go ahead.
He ended up having feelings for me.
It's like you can be up front and they can still tell you what they want, and then how
do I navigate that?
Well, first of all, he didn't end up with feelings for you.
He always had them.
He was just hoping that you were going to need him and change your mind or see him in
a different light.
And ladies, we have to be very careful.
If you have a guy in your life that you know likes you, all right, and the way that we...
First of all, we know, and that's why we say things like what Lily said, Oh, hey, you're
going to...
Oh, you're such a good friend.
You're such a good pal.
You're going to be my bridesmaid someday.
It's very emasculating.
First of all, we do it though, because we want to make sure that we're just letting
them know, Hey, I see you as a friend, bro.
Okay.
We're just friends.
But at the same time, we like attention.
We like support.
And oftentimes these men who have these secret, you know, crushes on us and we know about
them, it's not a secret.
We like the attention they give us.
We like the support they give us.
When someone else breaks our heart or someone we do like doesn't like us back, we come running
to them and they tell us how great we are.
You guys do not use them.
Do not do that.
Do not give them reason to hope.
That's wrong.
I'm not saying Lily does it.
I'm just saying we do do it.
I used to do it.
His name is Jimmy.
I did it.
I got to be honest.
I did.
I wasn't ever going to, I was, I was, it's even worse too.
It's even worse when you actually did have, we had a very short romantic relationship.
Very short.
Met him through a friend, very short little romantic relationship.
Didn't like him like that.
Didn't want it anymore.
Broke up with him, moved on, had the same friend group, ended up friends like in the
same friend group, started getting to be closer.
I could tell that he always wanted it to go back to a romantic place.
It never was gonna, but I like the attention.
I'm just being honest.
I like the attention.
He was always the good time guy.
He was always the guy that was going to be there for me.
He's always the guy that like kind of worship the ground I walked on and I knew all that
and I just kept him around as my own personal little hype man.
Hmm, it's wrong. Don't do it
June now, he's happily married now and has children and he's moved on with his life
but still I
Broke his I broke his heart. I
Was giving him hope was getting him false. Hope
Gentlemen, you guys do this too to ladies because you like the attention don't do it
both people
Should feel like if you were the last person on earth
I would never be romantically involved with you because it would be like kissing my brother or sister
Like there are I have male friends like that
I mean, I'm a married woman now
But I have male friends like that that it doesn't matter if we were the only two people left on the earth
So the the population would not get repopulated by us
It wouldn't I'd have to be in a coma
all right, so
And that's not because you hate them or you think they're ugly. There's just no
Romantic feeling right? Okay
All right. So Lily you're beautiful. I use your power correctly use your power correctly, honey. I
Do have one friend like that and it's just great but one guy friend, but yeah, I've been very I don't what goes wrong
Comes around. I don't want to be ever used. I'd never want to do that to guys. I'm very careful
Yeah, be very careful and let's not just use our words to tell them we're not interested use our body language
You know, don't be hanging all over people. Don't be flirty with people
You know
Unless they're your GBF your gay best friend and even then
Even then and I know we're all Christians in here. We're like Jackie. We're not allowed to have gay best friends. Well, I mean
Everybody knows everybody knows a gay guy. That's super fun
It's just true
If you work anywhere a restaurant if you work retail no matter where you work, you just it always happens
It always happens to me. I don't know
But we got to be careful with our flirting power men and women be careful with your flirting power
Okay. All right. So those are the only people that wanted to jump in the love seat. Did Tanya ever make it Tanya?
Are you here?
Tanya
Are you here girl
All right. All right. I have people's hands up. Do you have questions or did you have your hands up for other things Vicky?
What do you got?
Okay, hello, well I have some good news
Cuz this OG
Wants to get information about Simba's please
Yeah, come on girl, yes
My profile was hidden
And I'm sorry, I'm not camera ready. So I can't do that. But um, my profile has been hidden
Because I was focused on improving my health as you guys know
I just wanted to get my health back because I didn't feel like I'd be a fun date
And so that's where my focus was and then you guys know I lost my senior
Dogs and so I was only praying for another dog, you know canine to love that's it
And then I unhid my profile. I unhid my profile for like 15 minutes and
I was just a browse a minute and I met this
godly man
With lots of property to have many dogs
Wow
Look at what happens when you kind of take a little bit of a sabbatical to work on yourself
Yo, I love that Vicky. That's so awesome. So you guys are already thinking about Simba's, huh?
You were thinking about Simba's and I will I will be if everything goes good
I'll be a bonus mom
I've already met three of the six kids and
Yeah
So this is your suddenly
You are talking you're so giddy listen to her listen to her giddy laugh. Oh you guys that's so exciting
I am so excited for you. I have lots of details to share. I still haven't posted yet, but
Unbelievable, I mean supernatural like holy wow
Listen, I want you to post I want you to post all the details because remember and this goes for everyone including all you newbies
That are here in VIP community. You made it finally to phase three
We believe in being God defended and so we want to weigh in on your relationships
We want other other people to get their eyes on the details of your relationships
This is how God continues to protect us and help us and give us wisdom in how to move forward. And so
So Vicky, you know the drill
So, get posting, girl.
And then, will you, will somebody send me information about Symbus?
You can, you can write into admin at JackieDorman.com and get the information.
Symbus is in its, I think it has two more weeks of this class,
and then they'll, another one will start like a week later.
So, the next Symbus should probably be towards the end of October.
Okay, super.
Thank you.
Yay, good to hear from you.
Love it, so exciting.
Okay, let's see, Allison, you're up.
Sorry, my, my hand was up for nothing.
Okay, that's okay.
No worries.
WisDene.
Was Hunter first?
I don't see.
You guys, I'm on my phone, so.
I'm here, but I thought that other people had their hands up first.
If, if Hunter, you have a question, what is it?
Go ahead.
Oh, it's about, about my, it's about how I can explain my situation and how I
conclude on how I see it, interpret it.
And I want to know how, if I'm doing the right thing or not.
Okay, go ahead.
Well, basically all this time I've been idolizing women and worshiping them.
And basically my idea is to get in a relationship because there was something
in it for me because of something, but I figured, you know what, that's the yellow
flag, we got to look beyond that, like an extra layer relationship is how
I, I really care about this person.
So I look at, I found, I was on message with, with Brittany, someone
from our singles nation, and then I even taught, I said, how have you been?
Think about how I would, I was treated.
You don't like your past relationships, how they treat it.
So don't treat her like that.
So I said, how have you been?
And she goes, I'm good.
How about you?
I told her about my situation.
And then she told me, how have you been?
Oh, what have you been up to?
And I told her, and then she said, oh, I've been doing this like school.
And I was like, so tell me about it.
I was basically doing that to basically focus on her because that's how I'm more
involved because that's how I want to be treated.
Basically there's an extra layer, unlike yellow flag incentives, where you want to
be, you want to do something because there's something in it for you.
You want to do something because you care, like an extra layer.
So I wanted, so I want personal growth.
Isn't so much trying to make a relationship happen.
It's about you trying to care for someone else.
It's basically the new growth.
I want to try out something new thing.
I want to try out, basically have new abilities.
Hunter.
It sounds great.
Yeah.
Reminds me of my son.
So I attempted something else.
Just got engaged.
And there was another, so first of all, you're, you're attempting to ask people
how they're doing and check in with them, not try to go straight for the date, but
actually care about people just in general.
That's good.
What else you got?
And then I also was taught she's in Ohio and I'm in, but I live in New York, but I
have family where I was born and raised.
I even went to the dating thing and she and Christie had a dating thing.
The one who's hosting a Cleveland thing.
And then I, I got to show around and I told her, I'll see, she agrees.
I'm confident.
So I may want to be in a relationship badly, but I also, but I'm more into
sticking around last year, single for personal growth.
So I attempted, it was my birthday.
I asked her, how was your birthday?
She goes, I did great.
How about you?
And I shared about hard work.
We share about what we did try to find a common ground.
And then I also shared.
And then when my Commons labor day, I asked, try to ask her on it, figure, you
know, I want to ask you on a date.
And she said, no, I'm going to be busy.
And I was like, okay, I accepted it.
It's a way of getting out of my comfort zone and say, come on, Hunter, don't give
up because even though there's boundaries and there are things I got and it feels
uncomfortable, I don't like to people have negative effects on dating where, but I'm
not the kind of guy who gives up.
It's just something to figure out rather than just build a wall and
remain antisocial to dating.
Absolutely.
Great job, Hunter.
You're making lots of great progress.
I'm, I'm, I'm excited for you.
That's awesome.
So yes, you're on the right track.
Keep going forward.
Okay.
I'm just not the guy I was when I came in that they're single.
No, you're not.
You're definitely not the guy you were.
You've grown so much and I'm so proud of you and it's awesome.
So keep going forward.
I promise you one of these days you're going to get a yes.
And one of these days you're going to go forward with that person who said yes.
And it's going to be awesome.
It's, it's going to happen.
It really is.
Instead of saying, Oh, she might be finding someone.
Well, you don't know until you try.
Come on, Hunter, give it a shot.
Give it a shot.
Cause I do jujitsu and I'm afraid of being in a match that I'd lose.
So I figured, you know what, come on, go on in.
And then look, I actually did a takedown.
Yes.
And if you want to meet a Hunter in person, you can go on our
last year single cruise in January.
The registration is still open for that.
And I know that Hunter will be attending that
and I'm sure he's super excited.
So good job, Hunter.
Keep encouraging yourself.
Get going, get going forward.
You've made a lot of great progress
and we're proud of you here.
All right, Liz Dean, you're up.
Okay, my question is about how do I know
how long to continue talking to this level two guy?
We met on an app.
I live in Texas, he lives in California.
He did visit, we've been talking eight weeks.
He did visit at the beginning of September
and he has offered to come again in a couple of weeks.
We're gonna actually meet up in Austin.
But it seems like both of us are not super expressive
like just by personality,
like neither of us are super flirty by nature.
Like at the beginning there was some,
but then it seems like we've just continued
to have conversation and it's good conversation.
We enjoy talking to each other,
but it feels like it's not like momentum building.
And so I don't know how long,
like how long do I keep talking to him?
I mean, he's gonna visit in a couple of weeks,
but I don't know what I should be assessing
or what I should be asking.
Okay, so you guys, a lot of people don't do well
over like digital communication, all right?
A lot of people, they just,
they don't feel like they can open up.
It feels flat, it's really hard.
So really what's important is that you would be gauging
your feelings about him and about the chemistry
between the two of you with your in-person meetings.
So when he came in person, how did that go?
I mean, we had fun together.
It felt very easy to communicate,
like good, easy conversation.
So we spent like chunks of days together,
not all day, because we wanted breaks.
So chunks of Saturday and then like church Sunday,
break, evening dinner, like a walk around the mall
and then evening dinner.
And it was fun, so by the time I dropped him off,
I was like, I'm having fun.
We both kind of mutually said it was fun in person,
but I said I wasn't sure, like I was just honest
and said I wasn't sure where my romantic feelings were yet,
but that I enjoyed time together.
And so he interpreted that to mean that I wasn't interested
and just wanted friendship.
But when we did a follow-up video call,
we've just been doing video calls every week.
And so the following video call,
we had to kind of talk about all of our missed cues
that we each misinterpreted from each other.
And it was a good conversation.
Yeah, it was a good conversation and understood,
okay, neither of us are like quick
to feel romantically attractive.
Like for both of us, we said, oh, it seems like
we're both the same, that we're like kind of slow
to feel attracted.
So I guess-
That's really awesome that you guys were able to,
instead of just allowing there to be miscommunication,
allowing there to be assumption,
you guys, it's really important, please listen.
So much of what we do in relationship, early relationship,
that even not just men and women,
but women and women, men and men,
just relationship in general, when we meet people,
we make so many more assumptions than we think we've made.
The next time you meet someone, I want you to,
whether it's a date,
whether it's someone you're talking to on an app,
or whether it's just someone that you meet at work or church,
it doesn't have to be the opposite sex.
Just you're meeting someone new for the first time.
I want you, when you walk away from that meeting,
I want you to be honest,
and I want you to write down in your phone,
like talk text into your phone, whatever,
how many assumptions you made about that person.
Man, we assume so much.
And so what she is saying is that
they actually talked about their assumptions.
They talked about any possible miscommunications.
They were able to, you know,
really be honest about the fact that both of them
are more of a confection oven and not a microwave
when it comes to feelings.
Not everyone's gonna, not everyone's gonna get there.
Not everyone's an Instapot, all right?
Some people are a crockpot, and that's okay.
And if you're both crockpots,
that, you know how, why that makes that hard?
Because usually one person,
if one person's a microwave and the other one's a crockpot,
the microwave keeps the energy and the chemistry going
until the crockpot warms up to it and gets there.
They're both crockpots.
And so it's like, oh, well, is there even anything here?
Are we even excited about this?
You know how I knew that they were both crockpots
before she even said that they had this conversation,
which I'm so excited they have this conversation.
but I was about to give her this advice already when she said that they wanted downtime from their dates.
They didn't want to go on a marathon date. They just wanted chunks of time with alone time by themselves.
Alright, for people that are introverted, those are people that need to recuperate from you know,
this,
this
getting to know someone and so that's important. Okay, so
now that you guys have had that conversation and
things are not heating up that quick and you already know why they're not heating up that quick, but you enjoyed
his personality, you enjoyed time with him, you had fun with him, those are all green flags.
Next visit, let's see what happens. It is because of your personality, because you've only seen each other once in person,
it's way too early to gauge it.
Let's see what happens this next time around.
If you have fun again,
you know, you're kind of growing on each other, because long distance, especially in Texas to
California, you're gonna have to make a decision soon about whether or not you really want to invest in this,
right?
You don't want to just leave it hanging out there forever.
So let's see and I really want you to challenge yourself to get more vulnerable on this next go-round.
I know it's hard,
but I'm gonna challenge you to get more vulnerable. If you have to buy one of those decks of cards that says we're not really
strangers, there's a game you can play.
Is that what it's called you guys? We're not, we're not strangers.
Does anyone know the game I'm talking about?
Yes, that's the name.
Yeah, okay, we're not strangers. Buy that, it's fun.
It'll, it'll cause you to have to ask each other all kinds of personal inappropriate questions and it'll be great.
Okay, so
but you have to up the ante, you have to get to a place where you can get
more vulnerable on this next go-around, so you can see if there's any emotional connection, okay?
Sounds good. Thanks. Alright, keep us posted. I'm so glad that you guys were mature enough to have that conversation. That's really great.
That's really a green flag for both of you. Hey Kylie, what's up?
Hello. I just had a question on if you're having like a
bigger type of conversation and this, like the person falls off the face of the earth,
how do I best manage like my emotions towards that? Because I would tend to lean towards anxious attachment while,
and so I struggle more giving somebody the space to process, so I was just wondering how I can best manage
my emotions in those types of situations.
Okay, hold on. So you're having, you're having a deeper conversation and they just ghosted you?
Yep, pretty, well they answered me now, but it was like,
like days after the fact.
Can you tell us what you were talking about?
Yeah, just boundaries and relationships. So like what I would view
as like good boundaries. We have like a two-year friendship that was kind of turning into a relationship
and then we're discussing like boundaries within intimacy and stuff like that. We don't live close to each other.
So you were like talking about, you're talking about no sex before marriage kind of stuff?
Yeah, that type of stuff.
And then they just didn't answer for a couple days?
Yeah, and so because I know them for two years and I know they'd lean towards avoidant and needing time to process,
I just didn't reach out and I was just like kind of whatever.
But then I am like... Did you feel like the conversation was getting like
antagonistic in some way?
No, it was actually like super well-received because I put my boundaries up and I was like not sure what to expect from him because
initially when we had
started our friendship, our values were different. So that's why we never
went into like the dating aspect.
Yeah, and so now stuff had like changed. So we had like
entered into some type of talking phase, I would call it, not like necessarily courting.
And so we were talking back and forth about this because we know so much
else about each other from the depth of our friendship built.
So then when I... What was the last thing that you said to him before he just went radio silent for two days?
What was the last thing that was said?
I sent him like a little bit of a more in-depth thing saying like, hey,
I've looked into it and kind of read the Bible more so on
my view on like sex and sexual and morality and stuff like that. And I was kind of like, these are my boundaries.
So I listed out specifically like, I'm like, I don't like listing out it because it's gonna be different for everybody.
But I said you're gonna want an idea.
So this is what they are and I put them in there and then I kind of said I just feel like
Like I need to be honest about what I need to do to honor God if we're going to go forward
in this relationship.
And so then he read it and just didn't respond for, I don't know, it was more than a couple
days, but he responded now.
Okay.
It was more than a couple days.
So he literally just left you on read when you said, Hey, this is what I need, um, in
order to move forward in relationship.
This is where I am.
This is what I believe now.
This is why I believe it.
And then he didn't respond for a week?
Um, probably four days.
How long?
Three.
I think I sent the message on either Sunday or Monday and he responded today.
Okay.
And what did he say when he responded?
He said basically that, um, like thanks for giving him the time to process these things
and that he doesn't, how did he respond?
And, um, the more he thinks about it, the more he's like, I, I, I'm coming to a place
where I want to have a Christ-centered relationship, but I don't have the like best relationship
with him.
He's talked to his pastor and his friend about his faith walk.
And then he kind of like went on about, um, like, he's like, I don't not want, I want
to be friends.
Your friendship has meant the world to me.
So I don't think anything will change like that.
But in my head, I'm kind of like, I don't think, I don't really know.
I'm, I'm just going to sit with that, but he responded really well.
It was just like, I felt like it was kind of rude to leave me hanging, not even say
a single word for, okay.
First of all, first of all, it wasn't kind of rude.
It was very rude, first of all.
And second of all, you know, if you would've told me this is someone that you just started
talking to on a dating app, then I would be like, Oh yeah, you know, just like, don't
give them the time of day.
But the fact that you guys have known each other for two years and just so you know,
not thanks for giving me the time to process.
People have to ask for time to process.
Wow.
That's really heavy.
You know, thank you for sharing that with me.
Um, I appreciate your vulnerability.
I'm going to need some time to think about this.
Let me get back to you about my feelings on this.
It's called communication.
All right.
You don't just read it and leave them on red.
Okay.
That is that just so you know, that's for me, that's the bigger yellow turning red flag
about this situation.
Because that means that, you know, this person is going to, you know, um, their self preservation
technique is to leave when something isn't what they want, right.
Or to freeze or to, you know, disappear.
And you definitely don't want that in a relationship.
So it sounds to me like you lay down what you're really believing right now.
And he's saying, yeah, that sounds good in a perfect world, but I'm not there right now.
And so let's just be friends.
Yeah, pretty much.
The problem is, is that, and, and, and you, you know, I hope you feel like you dodged
a bullet because if you didn't have those boundaries and you got into a sexual or physical
relationship with this person, this person obviously doesn't know how to access their
deeper feelings or emotions.
And they would, they would just be checking out a lot.
Well, we don't live like we are long distance as it is.
So that's kind of like, I could see how that would be a really big issue.
Yeah.
I feel like you got the answer that you needed when he disappeared like that.
That was really all the answer that you needed.
Okay.
Thank you.
Yeah.
And I really want to encourage you.
I really want to encourage you going forward.
I'd like to say this to encourage you.
There are a lot of men that are going to respect boundaries.
They're not going to push boundaries.
They have the same boundaries, you know, they, they want, they want to do the right
things and they want to do things that they know are, you know, going to set the
relationship up for future success, um, and spiritual success as well.
And so they're out there.
There's a lot more of them than people think there are.
And, um, you know, and you deserve one of those people.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
All right.
You guys, communication is huge.
We have to first of all, it's the lifeblood of all relationship.
Communication is lifeblood of all relationship.
When all the butterflies fly out and go away because they will.
Okay.
You got butterflies in your belly.
Great.
They're going to eventually fly out or they're going to die.
They're just going to disappear.
Okay.
And so all the chemistry, all the attraction, all of these superficial and
things, they have to give way to the supernatural things and the supernatural
things are honor and respect.
Um, they are a vulnerability, their communication.
We have to have those things in relationship.
And so if you're trying to have relationship with someone who cannot
communicate, they cannot be vulnerable.
It's okay if they have to process, we're not all microwaves, like I just said, some of
us are crockpots, some of us need some time to process, but they have to be self-aware
about that and they have to be able to communicate that to us and say, hey, I'm going to need
some time to think about this.
I'm not blowing you off.
I'm not upset.
I just don't know how I feel about it and it needs some time to think about how I feel
about it.
That's called maturity.
That's the signs that someone's ready for a relationship, no matter what their communication
style is.
We're all going to have different communication styles, that's not a deal breaker.
Respecting each other's communication styles and maturing in your own communication style,
understanding what you need and being able to express it, that is the green flag.
Got it?
There isn't anyone in here, there's no one in our community, I think the youngest person
we've ever had was 21 and she's married now, she's one of our success stories, but most
of the people that are in our program are 25 and up and the majority of the people in
our program are 35 and up, old enough to know better, old enough to know how to use your
words to talk about what you want and what you need.
Let's get there.
She said that she leans towards anxious attachment.
I really want to talk about that for a second, because your girl, little old me, Jackie D,
is getting certified in integrative attachment theory, so I'm going to help you integrate
your attachment styles.
In fact, I'll be ready to do that just really soon, I'll be certified probably in the next
30 days or so and we are going to be having a lot of stuff around attachment style.
We all have one and it's important that we understand what makes us tick, what kind of
behaviors and what kind of patterns do we get into, what kind of cycles do we get into
when there is the possibility of a relationship, not even a relationship, but the possibility
of a relationship.
Those of you that skew towards preoccupied anxious attachment, not just anxious attachment,
but preoccupied anxious attachment, you have to be careful because you will be a people
pleaser.
You will do whatever that person wants as long as they promise to love you back, right?
You will give them what they want, you will say what they want, you will be what they
want, but that's not sustainable.
It's not.
You're going to, you're going to be so disloyal to yourself.
You really are.
You are going to throw yourself under the bus in order to make someone else happy and
to make someone else feel satisfied or fixed or stable or not scare them off.
And it is going to blow up in your face so hard.
You might even marry that person like I did my first husband in that state.
Oh, I was such a preoccupied anxious attacher.
I would have been whatever he wanted, whatever one you want me to purple, I'll be purple.
You want me to be, you know, you want me to be shorter, I'll hunch over.
You want me to wear certain clothes.
Y'all, I let that man tell me how to dress.
It was bad news bears.
Okay.
And guess what?
Once you're in the relationship, you don't want to play that role anymore.
You don't want to act and pretend that everything's okay when it's not.
You don't want to do it.
You don't.
And if you do it, it's going to make you sick.
It's going to give you, it's going to give you some mental health stuff.
And so it's important that we don't do that anymore and we're not going to, all right,
got to be true to ourselves and we got to communicate our needs.
And if someone thinks that we're too needy, then they're not the right person for us.
If someone thinks that the things that we believe and want are not the right things,
then they're not the right person for us.
If someone isn't willing to meet us where we are, then they're not the right person
for us.
And that's okay.
There's eight plus billion people in the world.
Thank you.
Next.
All right.
Christiana.
Hi, Jacqueline.
Hi.
I have a question for you about, I guess a little bit about social media.
So yeah, I follow you and I love all the content you're putting out.
And so I'm starting to get other influencers who are also Christian men and women coaching
towards the same sort of thing.
And I think some of the male perspectives have been very interesting for me to learn
and to see what my reaction is to that and things you're describing.
But I'm feeling like I don't feel like I'm meeting people like this in real life, like
lots of great people, but not who seem to have quite the same alignment of values and
actions and priorities and what they're working towards.
And I don't know if it's a case of even though they're a Christian influencer, it's still
not real or if that really is the value and somebody is living it out.
And I just need to keep going.
Yeah, it's a really great question.
So what she's saying is that she follows me on Instagram and because of the algorithm,
Instagram is showing her other influencers that are talking about the subjects that I
talk about, which is faith-based dating or, you know, Christian marriage or whatever.
And she's saying that the male influencers on Instagram, you know, are basically, you
know, giving this virtuous kind of idea of what we should expect from men and what they
believe and what they're doing towards their woman or what they would do towards women.
You guys, it's called sales, okay?
They want to be influencers, you know, and they know that they have a primarily female
audience.
That's what's beautiful about me is like, I'm going to tell you like it is, you don't
like me, that's okay.
You don't got to follow me.
But they have a primarily female audience and in order to have 150,000 followers, they
need to build women up.
They need to tell women, hey, there's nothing wrong with you.
There's just stuff wrong with men and this is what men need to do and this is what men
need to be and you shouldn't settle for any man that's not like this.
But here's the thing.
There's a lot wrong with women.
It's not just men out here that are broken.
Women are broken too.
And so we got a whole women accountable for what they're doing that is not conducive to
healthy relationship.
And so oftentimes you won't see that.
So this is how you gauge whether or not you're following the right influencer.
They call both sexes out equally.
You know, are they saying, hey, you know, don't settle for a guy that doesn't do all
this for you because you're a queen and you deserve to be treated this way and you know,
you're God's daughter and blah, blah, blah, and don't settle.
But they're also not calling you out and saying, hey, if you're operating in this stuff, then
you know, you're not operating like God's daughter.
You're not doing the things that you need to do in order to attract a healthy, godly
man.
And so that's kind of how you can gauge that.
Don't, don't, don't make, don't let them make you feel like a guy needs to be perfect or
do everything right because there's no such man.
And they're not one of those men either.
They just know because of marketing what women want to hear and they're telling us.
Thank you.
Yes.
You're welcome.
Great question.
Glad you asked it.
It's a great question.
You guys, there's a reason, and I give all the glory to God that we've had over 1600
success stories in this movement.
It's because we're doing our work and we're, we're not making excuses about our work.
We've entered into a supernatural process called heartwork and we are allowing God to
show us where we're stuck and why we're stuck and we're understanding that we don't need
a perfect person and we don't need an easy love story.
We don't need to fantasize anymore about, you know, this person that's out there that's
going to be our person and you know, and get, and get wrapped up in all kinds of unrealistic
stuff that's going to keep us single.
All we need is someone who's trying.
That's the green flag.
All we need is someone who is self-aware, someone who's dealing with their stuff, someone
who has surrendered to God.
Those are the things that we need.
We do not need perfection.
We need progress.
Coolio.
All right, you guys, well, we're a little bit over time.
I'm just going to see you do a little popcorn, a pop, a little popcorn round.
So if you have a question, put it in the chat and I'm just going to answer a few until we
get to six, until we get to 815 here.
Let's see.
I did see his question.
I want to go back and try to get, hold on.
How soon can we bring up the sex thing?
I waited four to five dates in the past and that was too long.
Both guys didn't want to wait.
Well, Nora, you know, I like the litmus test of if the, if their chemistry is strong and,
you know, the attraction is strong, like right from the get go, you know, a lot of people
are wanting to be kissing someone on the first date because they're just so attracted to
them or there's just romantic moments.
I would go ahead and have it right then.
You already know that your chemistry with this person is off the charts, right?
So you already know that this is going to come into play.
Now, if the chemistry is not there or if you're crockpots, the way that we talked with, with
Dean and it's not there, you don't feel, you know, you don't feel, you know, that, that
unspoken, like, I'll kiss you right now if you let me kind of feelings, then you can
wait a little bit longer and four or five dates in, you're like, neither one of them
wanted to wait until marriage.
Well, okay.
That sucks.
It does.
It sucks.
that, you know, that they were going to allow that to be a deal breaker and it also sucks
if they are professing Christianity that they don't want to wait until marriage.
And Nora, I don't know if that's true or not, I think that it's more important to find out
through conversation about what you enjoy and, you know, where you, where you're leading
your life to about their spiritual life.
And hopefully from their spiritual life, we can ascertain whether or not they're really
following Jesus.
Does that make sense to everyone?
The sex talk definitely needs to be had if, like I said, the chemistry is hot and getting
hotter, you go ahead and have that talk before, you know, before people get disappointed that
this isn't going somewhere that they want it to go, that it's not going to go.
And then secondly, if we really are ourselves and we're vulnerable and we're just real about
who we are and what we're doing in our lives and where we spend our weekends and how important
spiritual community is to us, then that person's going to weed themselves out.
But if they match us in that desire, then we can probably, probably, not always, but
we can probably ascertain from that response that they also are trying to follow Jesus
in their sexuality as well.
And if not, then shame on them, you know, seriously, if they're fasting Christianity
and they're saying that they're following Christ, but they want to have sex before marriage,
then guess what?
One of those things are not true.
Which one is it?
I'll let you be the judge of that.
Okay.
And you guys, I'm not jaded and I'm not being judgmental, but I'm really, I'm really, really,
no matter what you thought of Charlie Kirk, dude took a bullet for his faith.
Okay.
I've never seen one Charlie Kirk video in my entire life still to this day because I've
been on a sabbatical.
So I'm off social media.
So I haven't seen anything, but I will say this, it's time for us to start standing up
for what we believe and start, stop being so fricking wishy washy.
Okay.
If someone can't keep it in their pants until the wedding day, then what else, what else
are they compromising on?
It's kind of a big thing.
It's kind of an important thing.
And so if let's not profess Christianity, if we're not, if we're not really truly following
Jesus, if he's not a rabbi, then, you know, we're just playing church somewhere.
And if you're interested in being married to someone like that, then, you know, more
power to you.
But because things seem to be kind of getting a little cray cray out here, I would think
that most of you would want to be with someone who's really committed to continuing following
Jesus and following after the spirit and able to lead a family into the future and whatever
that future might hold for all of us.
Amen.
I know we don't really talk about all this kind of stuff a lot on our coaching calls.
We talk about it more on Supernatural Saturday, but seriously, if someone cannot commit and
you guys, it's, it's, it's not as hard as you think it is.
David and I were neighbors.
We were next door neighbors and I even lived at his house with him for a month before we
got married because my lease was up.
So after we were engaged, we lived together and we still did not have sex.
Oh my God.
You mean you can do it?
Yeah.
And it wasn't a religious situation where it was like, oh, we can't break the rules.
Don't break the rules.
God said, no, God said, no, no, no.
We understand the power and the spirituality of sexuality.
We have a revelation of that.
People need to get a revelation of that.
The Bible talks about it.
It talks about how you're actually taking something into your own body when you commit
that sin.
It's not just about committing a sin.
You can just repent.
Jesus died for you.
You're forgiven.
Move forward.
This is a particular situation where the consequences of it are that you're not really seeing that
clearly about this person anymore, right?
Red flags are being masked.
There's all kinds of different situations that are happening there.
And so if you are having a sexual relationship right now with someone that you're not married
to, just ask God to forgive you.
And repentance means change behavior and stop doing it.
Just tell that person, hey, listen, I'm not going to have sex with you anymore until we're
married.
I'm not going to have sex with you anymore until we're married.
And if you're just dating, that's going to be a pickle because they haven't even said
they want to marry you yet, but you're not.
going to have sex outside of marriage anymore.
And guess what, they're either gonna meet you there
and say, you're right, we shouldn't be,
we shouldn't have been doing this.
I had, you guys, I'm just gonna be honest,
I had a couple just recently in Simbis,
they disclosed to me that they were living together
and obviously, you know, having sex, sleeping together.
And I just told him straight out, I was just like,
well, you know, this kind of puts me in an awkward position
because I'm trying to coach you
on how to save your marriage before it starts,
but you're already trying to drill holes
on the bottom of the boat.
You're already trying to sink the ship.
And so like, you know better than this,
they were both mature Christians.
And I was like, like, you know, like, okay,
I'm not here to judge you or shame you,
but what you're doing right now
is actually causing deception.
And so they came back to me and they're like,
hey, look, you know, we really thought about,
you know, what you said when you called us out
and we've decided that we are not going to have sex anymore
until we get married.
And one or two things are gonna happen
if you make that decision,
that person is gonna meet you there and say,
yeah, I wanna do not just what's right, but what's righteous.
I wanna set us up for a future together that is solid.
I don't want, you know, to build on a fleshly foundation
that's full, all this stuff,
because maybe we shouldn't be together at all.
Maybe we don't get along.
Maybe we're not compatible,
but all that's being masked by our sexual desire
for each other, right?
So one or two things are gonna happen.
They're gonna meet you there.
They're gonna agree.
They're not gonna try to tempt you.
They're not gonna try to push your boundaries.
They're not gonna say they agree,
but every time you guys are alone together,
they try to take it right back to there again.
They're gonna meet you there
and they're gonna help set up the guardrails
that keep you guys from going back to that place.
Or number two, they're just gonna break up with you.
And you know what?
That's fine too.
And some of you are afraid of that
and that's why you haven't had that conversation
because you don't wanna lose them.
Well, you're not losing a prize
if that person is not going to really partner with you
in following after Jesus,
especially in the day and age
that we're living in right now.
We don't need people
that are playing patty cake at church.
We need people who really truly want to be disciples.
Amen.
I did not plan on saying all that,
but it's tight, but it's right.
Okay.
For those of you that are like,
hey, I asked someone if they go to church,
they're like, no, but can I go with you?
I mean, sure, they can go with you,
but it doesn't mean they're gonna be your boyfriend.
You're not out here discipling our future wives
or husbands, okay?
Can they go to church with you?
Sure, they can go to church,
but if they're gonna go to church with you
because they think that's gonna get you
into their good graces,
get them into your good graces,
then no, that's manipulation.
And you'll be able to tell the difference, okay?
I wanna tell you something that might hurt your feelings.
All of you, listen up.
We meet people for different reasons
and in different seasons, okay?
And so just because you meet someone
that's the opposite sex doesn't mean
that they're a potential match or love interest for you.
It's possible that you met them
because you're a believer and you're a disciple of Jesus,
and you're gonna meet people of the opposite sex
that need to hear about Jesus.
And if that's all you are in their life
is just to point them towards Jesus
and to show them that Jesus followers
are kind and good and loving people, then awesome.
You don't disciple date them.
You're not trying to missionary date them
like people used to talk about,
but also if they really truly are hungry for God
and they start coming to church
and they go after Jesus on their own,
not you pulling them along
or them trying to win you over
by trying to adopt your faith
so that you'll sleep with them, okay?
You know the difference.
And once again, if it's not that,
if it's truly genuine, then who knows?
Who knows?
There are people that end up marrying new believers.
It happens all the time.
It does.
But you have to be honest with yourself
about what's really happening
and don't tell yourself what you wish was happening
just because you don't wanna be alone.
I just wrote a blog about it.
There's a lot worse things than being single.
And one of those things is being in a relationship
that you regret.
And God forbid being in a marriage that you regret
and that you shouldn't be in.
That should have never happened in the first place
because you weren't on the same page.
same page, but you overlooked all that stuff because you don't want to be alone.
Don't do that.
Please don't do that.
I know we talk about all the success stories here, but I just want to say this for the
record.
We've had more than I would like of divorces too.
People that have gotten married through this program and also are now divorced already
and if programs are only been around for five years you guys.
Now, if that number was less than five, I'd say, okay, yeah, you know, stuff happens.
People rush into things and once again, people rush into things because they don't want to
have sex outside marriage, so they get married too quick and, you know, or they're anxious
attachers and they get married too quick and all the different reasons why.
But I would think we probably have about out of 1600 success stories, we probably have
about 20 divorces.
And to me, that's too many.
That's too many.
And I will tell you in at least 50% of those, they never came, they never submitted the
relationship to the community and to the coaches, they never let anyone weigh in on it, they
just ran off and got married.
And then the other 50%, we told them not to get married.
We told them not to get married yet.
Hey, it's too soon.
It's too quick.
You don't know this person well enough.
You've been long distance.
It's not right.
Don't do it.
I am happy to report that one of my couples that I love so much, one of my first international
success stories, he popped in my DMs about two months ago and said, Hey, I got bad news.
You know, she wants a divorce and I've done everything that I know how to do and she just
wants a divorce.
And so I talked to him a little bit and then I prayed for them and I said, Hey, I'm really
praying that, you know, and he said, the divorce, the court date is set for this date.
And so I prayed for them and I said, Hey, you've done everything you can.
We just got to put it in God's hands now.
Well, I just heard from him last week and he said on the day, the court date, she showed
up and called the divorce off, wanted to try, wanted to go to coaching and counseling.
And so praise God because it, because I just straight up said to him, you guys have no
biblical grounds for divorce.
There's no abuse here.
There's no neglect here.
There's no infidelity here.
She simply thought she married the wrong person because someone at her church, first of all,
they say to different churches, don't do that.
Why would you do that?
Why get married?
Say different churches.
It doesn't make any sense.
Someone at her church planted the idea in her heart that, you know, that they weren't
spiritually aligned because, you know, they believe different things about something or
I don't even remember what it was.
It was something really dumb though.
Okay.
And so I say all that to say this, marriage is hard out here.
We've got to be prepared and we also have to stay in community.
You have to, strong marriages are made in strong community.
You got to stay together.
You got to be in community.
That's for you.
It's not trying to break up your marriage for God's sake.
You know, they're for you.
They're for the marriage.
You know, we've got to have those things in our lives.
So Father God, I thank you for your sons and daughters.
I thank you for this time coaching.
I pray that you continue Lord to just release wisdom over their hearts, over their minds.
Each and every one of them is called to marriage.
Each and every one of them is here because they are learning what they need to learn
in order to prepare for this season of their life to end and for them to step into their
love stories.
Lord, we thank you God that you are accelerating them.
We thank you that there's no time wasted, Lord.
We thank you for the year 5786 where heaven is coming to earth in an even greater way.
And we are feeling the tension of that, but at the same time, we're also seeing the glory
of it.
We thank you for that, God.
We thank you for the, we thank you for the tsunami wave of marriages that you have promised
this movement.
And in this year of grace, the fifth year of this movement, Lord, we are asking for
more, more, more in Jesus name.
Let it be so.
Amen.
All right, friends.
Love you.
Bless you.
See you on Supernatural Saturday.
Until then.
Ciao.