Hi, this is Monday, October 6th, with all these amazing, and we're just going to get
into it.
So, any wins for y'all this week?
What's going on?
What's shaking?
Give me the good news.
I got my plane tickets and Airbnb for when I go back to the Philippines for a second
time to visit to visit Jal.
That's exciting.
What was that going to be?
I'm going to be leaving on December 28th, and I'm going to be flying back on January
9th.
So, I'll be there for about two weeks, maybe a week and a half.
How long is that flight?
It's 24 hours.
It's pretty far, but it's like two stops.
The first stop is going to be Texas, and then after that, Hong Kong, and then Manila.
And then from Manila, I have to take a bus that will be like a four-hour bus ride.
Plane to change to an automobile.
So, yeah, it's pretty far, and definitely worth it to see Jal again and meet her family
this time.
That's super cool.
So, you already have kind of an itinerary, it sounds like.
You have a plan?
You need to be a man with a plan.
We don't really have too solid of a plan, but I guess the main part is just meeting
her family.
I mean, that's a pretty big step.
The only thing that's going to be a little bit tricky is that part of the Filipino culture
is bonding over food, you know?
Unfortunately, I can't do that because I have IBS, so it's going to be tricky.
I have to make it very clear to them that I'm not insulting their cooking.
Well, may your IBS be healed in Jesus' name, and just pray for your IBS, that you can actually
do everything you're supposed to do, and that your intestine gut will function properly
in Jesus' name.
All right.
Be healed.
All right.
That's cool.
Anybody else with a win?
I have a win.
I had a really meaningful scuba dive, a couple scuba diving sessions that really have challenged
my worldview in a lot of ways.
They've been teaching me a lot about how valuable it is to be someone who has a sense of where
you are and where you need to go, either individually or as a team or as a group.
That kind of responsibility, both below and above the water, has really been impacting
me tremendously.
I think I've tended to not take responsibility for that, and I've also been working on not
using the phrase kind of, which I just used.
So yeah, I'm really grateful for that, and I would love to hear feedback from the group
at some point about what you feel that it looks like to ... What's the line between
paying attention and having an opinion?
When is that confidence?
When is it arrogance?
When is it cowardice or timidity?
So anyway, but that's been a good win.
It's really been propelling me forward.
Well, do you mind if I just speak to that, or can we talk about that for a sec?
Sure.
I feel like any time that you listen to somebody and you do it in love, and they feel heard,
whether you differ ... I deal with a lot of people who don't ... We don't have the same
ideals or ... We're very different, but I can listen to them and love on them well,
even though that ... And be like, you know, that's great.
I'm glad that you stick to your faith.
Mine's a little different, but I can respect and honor that.
And just ... But my whole thing is that we're made to love everybody, right?
So I deal with a lot ...
people who are in same-sex marriages, which is completely was outside of my comfort zone for
it's still not hugely there. But when I go in there with just to love on them and just to
do whatever the father wants to do, it kind of changes my paradigm. I don't need to
exert, you know, if they ask me something, I'll answer it in a kind way, right? In an honoring
way. But I used to try to go into those places and exert what I know. And now it's more like
I just choose love and try to build a connection for the kingdom to actually, because, you know,
if you can develop a relationship, then they'll actually want to know what you
believe sometimes. Right. And so that I don't know if that's what you're talking about, Thomas,
or is it something not at all? I was like, of course, you know, I'm going to go on a diet tribe
and it's going to be completely. So what were you referencing? What context are you talking?
Yeah. So like underwater, it was my first dive with someone who also wasn't kind of
like an expert navigator. So it was the kind of situation where it's like, where's the boat?
Like, oh, like, how do we and then so and then above the water, I think that things like you're
about to me seem moderately easy when it's like, oh, there's a scriptural standard and I kind of
know what the standard is. I think it's more to me like things where it doesn't seem like there's a
clear scriptural standard. And I agree with you. There's the concept of example and invitation.
And I think I was hearing you say you encourage me to focus on love, which is fantastic. I think
what I have realized is that when I'm around other people, it's easy for me to sit back
and assume that I don't have enough insight to make any kind of to form an informed opinion.
And, you know, if it's about maybe where to go to dinner or what needs to have, you know,
I agree with you, there's that idea of like, invitation instead of command, which I've been
learning about in dance class, you know, and things along those lines. So I don't know if
that makes it at all more clear, but it's also but like, so you're talking underwater where
you guys are both struggling to know what to do. And do you find yourself getting anxious?
Not not too anxious. I mean, we figured it out. We didn't land. We didn't come up too far from
the boat. Yeah, it worked out fine. I think that I think that just in I've, I've tended to be
to assume that my perspective of things like Kierkegaard said, we're all having subjective
experience experiences of an objective reality. And so I've tended to emphasize kind of the
nature and I find it difficult to understand when to draw conclusions and when to say,
I don't know. So I'm going to kind of not take a position on this. And I just said, kind of again.
Okay, yeah. So you so when you don't know, you're you kind of just fade and don't make a decision,
but that like, because you don't know what to make the decision. And that's understandable,
because you're like, what am I gonna do? I don't know what to do. Well, then like,
what do I do? I don't know what to do, you know, like, so I get in that. And so it's like,
you just kind of roll with it. And yeah, so I think that's hard when two people are in the
same place. Right? You know, like, you're like, you know, when then you get married,
it's like, where do you want to go for dinner? I don't want to go to just, you know, and so
sometimes I mean, it sounds like you did a great job.
I guess one thing, one thing that I'm thinking about is like, sometimes it's like, if you don't
know what to do with your, your spouse or your woman you're dating, it's like, sometimes it's
good just to be there with her. And then it's like, you experience it together. And like,
even if it's awkward, it's like, it's actually not awkward, because like, you just you just
are with each other. Well, and there's a grace like, okay, so, you know, you're two people who
don't know what you're doing. You both know that you don't know what you're doing. So yeah,
and you and you're in the same boat. You know, pun intended there, Mr. Thomas. But
sorry, too much. But no, I just think what you did would be to be expected. I mean, I don't know
what you would expect otherwise, unless you knew something that you that you knew. Does that make
without knowing anything, then you did the best of what you could.
Yeah, I appreciate that. I guess as someone who grew up believing you just have to trust
other people, and especially authority figures. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be learning.
to be someone who's trustworthy
and have an informed opinion
instead of displacing that responsibility onto others.
Yeah, no, that's good.
And yeah, and that's a big, it's a ginormous shift, right?
If we're coming out of that paradigm.
Right, you know, and that's, you know,
that's like Danny Silk talks about
becoming a powerful person, right?
Where you start giving your power away.
And for the longest time in my life,
I didn't realize I was doing it,
but then I'm listening to him and I'm like, oh.
And then I had a friend who I was teaching,
we were going through it together.
And he's like, somebody's not being a powerful person.
I'm like, I'm gonna punch you
and you'll see how powerful I am.
I'm like, oh my gosh.
So, you know, that's why it's good to have friends
and iron sharpening iron, you know,
but like, no, I'm proud of you, you're amazing.
Like it's, for me, it's such a,
when I don't know, it's such a scary place for me, right?
Because when I haven't known what to do,
it's been painful for me.
And, you know, I'm learning to just have peace
and do my best, right?
You know, and so, and I'd be,
and for me, if I was underwater
and somebody wasn't communicating well,
that would take my anxiety level up a couple of notches.
So you're doing good with that, right?
So yeah, cool.
I'm glad you're taking swings
and, you know, eventually you'll know how to do a lot more
and be able to help other people.
Signed up for the rescue certification.
So I'll be doing that soon.
I have a book recommendation for you, Thomas.
It's a graphic novel and it's called Underwater Welder.
And it's that exact premise of someone,
he's an underwater welder
and he starts philosophizing as he's underwater
and making his own decisions.
And then in his thoughts,
he becomes a time traveler and sees ghosts.
And, but it's all about like,
when you're underwater scuba diving,
the decisions are different
than they would be in real life.
And then his underwater decisions impact his real life.
And so it's kind of a cool,
cool example of what you were talking about.
Thanks, David.
And thanks, Mike, also.
One scary aspect I heard about scuba diving
is the coming up, like you have to come up gradually
or like you could die because of that.
You don't wanna get the bends.
Yeah, that's not helpful.
You make a safety stop.
This is the signal for that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, don't work on decompression.
What is it?
Decompression, I forget, yeah.
So cool.
Well, and you know, and Thomas, I'm glad that you're like,
I mean, you're always,
you're always dallying and in all these different things,
but it's cool.
Cause I'm like, you know, you're doing dance,
you're doing scuba.
I mean, you're living life.
And that's, that's amazing.
Most people don't live, right?
So good job.
I mean, and that goes for everybody, you guys,
you know, it's few people, what is it?
Oh, so a few people live, I forget.
But like, you know, a lot of people exist,
but few people live.
Everyone dies, but not everyone truly lives.
Yes, there it is.
Thank you, Thomas.
I knew you would know it.
I was like, come on, help me, save me.
I'm dying here.
Rescue, rescue, get your certification.
But you know, guys, I made a choice.
I asked like, is this living or is this existing?
And usually living takes more effort,
but I just, I've started asking like in decisions,
is this living or existing?
Because I don't want to exist, I want to live, right?
And now, I mean, I'm building a life that I want, right?
I mean, there's not everything is gone.
Like in the midst of waiting and in the midst of, you know,
I don't know who said it, but they're like,
build a life that somebody wanted to join, right?
And like, and I've taken that to heart,
even though I'm not so good at managing bad with
at the moment.
I'm doing a lot of, a ton of coaching during the week,
but even that's part of something that I just am doing.
So cool.
Anybody else got a win?
Or anybody, or something they want to talk about
and get some insight, you know, to bounce around?
Yeah, I have a win.
So I'm officially in level 3A,
as Renee was saying last week.
You know, you were technically officially in 3A last week,
we just, but now it's official.
Amazing.
Yeah, but I didn't, but her and I.
that conversation and, uh, so, um,
Oh, I think we froze.
Oh, there you go.
Now you might want to kill your video.
I think it's killing your thing.
So you had the conversation.
How'd that go?
Honestly, it went amazing.
And, uh, I like, so for those who weren't here last week, so I'm, I'm seeing
someone who's also in the program.
Um, I met her via my spotlight.
So spotlights aren't broken.
Um, and, uh, yeah.
And so, um, but it's been going really well.
And one of the things she said, she said, she said for a long time, because
she's been in the program since 2021.
And so she said for her, she kind of felt like, Oh, sometimes
the program contradicts itself.
But she said, it's so different being led by a man who's in this program.
Cause she said, as a man, when you're taking authority, I mean, these things
out, she said, like, I'm literally relearning all this stuff, so she's
actually been watching the videos as I'm watching them because I'm
in the past sessions right now.
And so she just said, you know what?
Whatever video you watch, I'm going to watch.
And so it's been kind of cool learning those things together.
And she says, and for her, she said, it's been so cool because
she said, like, you know what?
Like, like seeing the authority that you're walking through these things
to go, sometimes I would say like, Oh, I don't know if that actually happens,
but she said, it's so cool.
Like watching you walk these things out in this program.
So yeah,
that's cool.
And you know, you guys, so like, you know, that's super amazing.
Like you're, you're leading and you don't, I don't know.
I don't know if you understand, like you're leading, right?
Like, like, like you guys, you know, every woman wants a
spiritual leader or a leader, right?
I mean, both.
And a lot of, I don't know about you, but when I hear that, I feel that
the weight of that, I'm like, you know, it could be as simple as.
Watching a video or going through, going through something, watching
something, listening to something, reading the word, going through a study, doing
this, it doesn't have to be this huge thing where you have to manufacture a
five, you know, five page sermon and, you know, lead well, it could just, and
especially if you marry somebody who has a lot better, more higher spiritual EQ
than you, the way you, you know, you don't have to top her.
You can just use her, like you can, you can enable her in her
giftings and that's also leading.
Does that make sense?
Does being a spiritual leader freak you guys out at all?
No, it's, uh, it's just been cool walking out with things in this program
because I think, uh, the way that Jackie, uh, instructs us to lead is a little
different, it's very Holy Spirit led, right?
It's listening to the spirit first and then acting out of it.
Whereas I can be a little bit impulsive.
Whereas like, whether, whether it's the Lord or not, I'm going down with the ship.
Like, and so that's one thing that I've really been learning from this program
is it's not like, Oh, what would Jackie say?
But it's like, what's the Holy Spirit saying?
And kind of stopping asking the Lord in those moments and then being
really honest with the Lord.
Cause I think for a long time, I haven't been honest.
I've just been kind of faking it until I make it, but God's like,
just be honest with me.
Tell me where you're at.
I mean, like when you fake it, you make it, he already knows.
He's asking one day, I was like, Lord, you already know.
Why am I even trying to nevermind?
Like, okay.
Can I ask you a question of, uh, David, uh, right.
Hey David, so are you guys, how did you meet through the program and
then are you long distance and how do you navigate that?
Yeah.
So, um, we met simply because I put my Instagram in my tagline and so she,
uh, has been in the program a long time.
And so she, she kind of recognized because my profile said David Wright,
33 Kingston, and then have my Instagram.
So she just messaged me actually after the Sunday prayer call once.
Um, and so she lives in, in Ottawa, which is about two hours away.
Um, and so we first started talking via zoom and we did like four or five zooms
and then we met in person twice.
And so we've kind of committed now to be trying to meet every weekend.
Um, so she's a better planner than I am.
So I just said, Hey, I'll just send you my schedule and then you just
plan which days work and then we'll just make that work.
So yeah.
That's awesome.
Sounds great.
Good job.
Yeah.
And that's a great thing right there.
See, like I have a lot of gifts and a lot of gifts, right?
Administration is not.
And so like, I'm hoping to find somebody who's a planner because I'm, I'm really
great at doing things like leading things, but I'm not really good at getting things
together. And so like, you know, complimentary opposites, that's a great, like, that's something
that you should be looking for, too, is complimentary opposites, somebody who's
would fit well. Right? So yeah. So David, that's another, that's another green flag.
Right? Like, you know, I mean, I think too often, I don't know if you guys, if you look at it as,
oh, I'm lacking in this area. It's really like, well, you have your own strengths,
right? They have their strengths, you have this. So it's a win win, you know, together,
you're better if you're full. You know, if you have if you have different gifts and strengths,
you're fuller with each other. And, you know, if you all have the same strengths,
it can be good, too. But it's sometimes redundant. You know, so yeah, so it's amazing.
And David, I'm just proud of you, dude. Like, you just keep crushing it. And so,
you know, and I actually have been using you. You've challenged me a bit. And in a lot of the
coaching, I've been, you know, speaking to some guys kind of, like toe the line. You know, you
just brought things up because you're following it. And that's what I do love about Jackie's
program is I've been through a lot of things, but it's Holy Spirit led. Right? Like, you know,
and that's the key in. I mean, you can work when you don't hear the Holy Spirit, you work off of
what you know, or what you've learned. But I found that the Holy Spirit,
listening to the Holy Spirit, at least a much more breakthrough than just
like standard counseling or standard thought patterns, right? Because God has a because
every one of you has a specific call on your life. And, you know, you know, Tim and David,
you could both have the same exact circumstance and two different things that the Lord wants you
to do. And if you go off with something you read in a book, that's just overarching, then one of
you is going to be disappointed because it's, but the Holy Spirit's going to lead you the path that
you should take. You know, Jesus is the lamp to our feet. So when you can't see, he gives you the
right in front of you, right? And then he's a light to your path when you can see the whole path.
I like the light to the path. I'm not really a big fan of the light to the feet under my feet
because I want to see forward. Just, just being honest. Right. But, you know, and, you know,
and the other thing is this guy's obedience. You don't have to worry about the end, like end game
and how you're going to get there. You just need to worry about the next step of being obedient
with that. And he will get you to where you're supposed to go. And what, you know, and, and,
and a lot, and, and you guys there's so many people, you guys have calls, you got things
on your life. Like your spirit mate is like secondary. It's like, it's what it's, it's,
it's needed for what you need to do, but it's not your primary objective. Right. So it's, it's,
it's like, it's, it's something it's an add in versus a primary. So like you focus on what
you're supposed to do primarily in the Lord will add in and bring to her alongside you.
And, and Thomas, I love that you're doing all these things that somebody can come alongside
you and do. And I'm jealous because I really want to do dance lessons and I'm actually
dealt with a lot of healing. So I'm hoping to get my salsa on soon, but
no tango, no tango, you know, I, you know, I, I have to give you props though. I, because I don't
know if I would, you know, sitting in that position, I'm like, I don't know if I would
have done it probably, probably because that's kind of how I roll. But at the same time,
I would have been thinking, well, is this honoring, is this, this, is this, that,
and the fact that you did it, dude, it's amazing, you know? And, and, and, and I,
and I see so much favor on your relationship, David, right? Like that's when you do,
when you do it God's way, there's favor on it. And when the, and it's, and, and it's also when,
okay, when things align and you do it his way, you know, because there's a lot of things you
can't kick the door down, but you also can't stop it once it's open, right? You know, he opens,
he closes doors that no one can open. He opens doors that no one can shut. So like, so I,
you know, like, I just hope you take heart. You see what's happening in David's life and
the Lord is just watering it and he's being obedient. He's taking the steps, he's doing the
thing, right? So any other things that you guys want to jump into and talk about, you know?
Well, I just liked the, the concept you're talking about with the opposites attract. And I think I
I have that sort of thing going on with me and and gel right now and that's it's going really good. But um
there's also a flip side that I've heard that sometimes opposites attract can be
Like not good in some aspects and I'm just wondering like what type of
Okay, things I should be wary of you know for okay
So Simba's, you know Simba's save your marriage before it starts Jackie talks about it. Yeah, so
So, okay, so yes
opposites attract because you're
You're kind of attracted to the things that you're not you don't have in your life a lot of times, right?
My ex and I were polar opposites in every way actually our counselor said we should never have gotten married
Because she'd never seen anybody that polar opposite, right?
I mean like if there because there's a gradient you guys okay, so, you know on one side
There's a there's 200% there's a hundred this way a hundred that way, right?
Well, we were we were always 200% apart, which we made it work for 19 years and ultimately cancer
was the one of the culminating factors and killing it but
Opposites can bring fire and fire can be great right because fire can bring you together or it can blow you apart
You can be attracted to opposites, but you don't have to marry him and
Jackie talks about complimentary opposites, right?
where
Because you really don't want to be butting heads on everything your whole relationship, right?
But for me, I actually found that as we did that I came more to
Came off the polls towards the middle more and I became much more rounded person
Now that that took that that wasn't
The easiest thing so I think the Simba's save your marriage before it starts it'll look at your where you where you have similarities
At least if I remember I I'm pretty sure
But like it looks at your strengths and your weaknesses of the relationship, right?
And so you can look at it and go. Oh, yeah, we're great here, but we need to watch out here and in this area
You know, like we're opposites here, so how are we going to navigate this and
and so it if you marry somebody opposite make sure that you can you can
resolve conflict
Because if you marry somebody opposite, well, I mean everybody you should you should be
If you can't resolve conflict in your your relationships really not going to do well, right?
So that's something that you can always work on now. You can work it do it with co-workers. You can do it with
Family, you can do it with other things. You can get you can get reps in in managing conflict conflict
You know you guys you guys are you're gonna screw up. You're gonna blow up
It's not that when you screw up, it's not that you're never gonna do something that hurts them
It's that you learn how to do
The repair and you own it and you and you fix when you blow it
All right
That's good
Like I've actually been getting a lot of experience with that with gel like we've had like our moments and we've gotten through it
And so we're learning, you know, so it's good. Yeah, what were you say Thomas?
Can I give an example since since you asked for an example Andrew?
So
My first girlfriend, you know
There were very kind of healthy differences that we had like she was really good at fashion and that kind of stuff
Which was a major growth area for me in that. So that was one thing where it was fantastic
After the relationship ended I walked away feeling like she was very controlling
And then I was talking to my sister about it and my sister said hey
Do you remember that book changes the heel that you gave me to read and I was like, yes
she said in that book it said that
Like sometimes we attract the opposite of it ourselves and I feel like you know, you're feeling like she was very controlling
I wonder if you might have been on the other side of that and been passive
and I
Felt very convicted because it was a hundred percent true and I realized that that was one kind of aspect where we were
Different in our unhealth kind of like matched up and we could have maybe worked through it and become healthier
But we didn't have the maturity to do that at the time
So it's exciting that there are really positive positive
Differences and then it's also always interesting when those negative ones kind of line up in less healthy ways
Yeah, that's so good. Thomas. Sure, you know, and that's the thing. It's like
it's such a good point like all my ex and I had a lot of negative things that we
we had to hammer through.
And that was a lot of counseling,
but I got really good at it, right?
And so I don't regret it one second.
I mean, well, I mean, pretty much my whole life,
we were opposites in every way.
So every area I was growing in,
initially it was like, man, can I do anything right?
You know, but you know,
but when you stay in the game and you don't give up
and you keep pushing forward,
I've grown, you know, it's funny,
cause I'm like, it ended when I felt like I just got good.
Right?
But so you guys, I hope this doesn't crush you.
I just really like marriage
is the biggest mirror in your life.
It's gonna lead to the greatest change in your life.
And then kids come, which then they're little,
even smaller mirrors that show you different aspects
of yourself, and then you get to grow in that.
But the coolest thing is that if you do it well
and you grow together, you have one amazing marriage, right?
And you become everything that God's made you to be.
So don't be afraid of, hey, you know,
we're gonna have conflict.
Now be afraid if you can't resolve conflict,
that's a problem, right?
Like the number one thing when I'm looking at couples
is like, how do they deal with conflict?
Because you know, when conflict comes,
if you can resolve it, it doesn't matter what comes at you
because you're gonna win.
You know, and how do they do that?
You know, how do you guys connect?
Like, you know, when your lady goes,
hey, how was your day?
She's not saying, how was your day?
She's like, hey, I wanna connect with you.
So, you know, we're like dudes like,
my day sucked, end of story, game over, you know?
And like, you know, and then she's like,
well, I wonder why it sucked.
And I wonder what happened and what made you feel that way?
Why it wasn't great?
I wish it was great for you.
I mean, this is all the things that go, yeah.
Yeah, and so I just, does that, does the,
what do you guys think of that?
That marriage is a mirror
and it's gonna shape and change you?
Does that freak you guys out?
Or is that, does that bring anything to mind?
Or how does that make you feel?
I think it makes me feel good
because like it builds virtue and character.
Yeah.
No, it's a hundred percent.
What was the question, Mike?
So how does it feel like,
when I say, hey, marriage is a mirror
and you know, the thing, marriage is a mirror
and it's gonna shape you.
You know, things are gonna come up
that are gonna be conflict, there's conflict,
but it's gonna actually help you grow, you know?
Cause I think a lot of people think marriage
is like all sunshine and roses
and unicorns, right?
You know, yeah.
Yeah, no, no, actually marriage was made to kill you.
That's true.
Oh, it is.
Seriously, it was made to deny self
and be a servant to somebody else.
Jesus said, you husbands, you are to love your wife
as Christ loves the church.
He died for the church, guys.
And so in doing so,
Bible says we are to work on our salvation
with fear and trembling.
Well, it is also to work on our marriages
with fear and trembling.
It's because we have the tougher responsibility
before God to lead our wives in the ways of righteousness,
to lead our wives in the ways of godliness.
That's a higher responsibility.
And in doing so, we need to know who we are.
We need to know what the word says about being a husband,
what it means to be a wife and to live a righteous life.
So we have the bigger assignment
because as the word says, Christ is our head,
but we're the head of our wives.
That's a huge responsibility.
So we better know what, who and what we are,
what our responsibilities are.
So yeah, it's gonna take a lot of work
because Jesus had to put a lot of crop up with the sheep
when he came here on earth.
And there's some women that are gonna give you
a little bit of trouble in,
but that's why you try to choose some
who's more like you.
Some women.
It's the opposite.
Yeah, no, that's so good, Kenton.
I mean, that really is Ephesians 5.25, right?
Husbands die for wives, Christ dies for the church,
lift her up and blame us,
wash in the water of the word, right?
You guys memorize Ephesians 5.25.
I can tell you, I hated when the Lord brought it up.
I'd be mad at my wife and all of a sudden,
Ephesians 5.25 is in my head.
And I'm like, nope, not dying today.
Nope, nope, not dying today.
Jesus, you fix her, not me.
But I encourage you, Ephesians 5.25, that whole,
but make sure,
Prior to that, it's wives submit to your husbands
and that's been used badly.
And also you husbands submit to your wives,
don't forget that one.
Yeah, well, and then, but prior to that
is both mutual submission to Christ, right?
And people don't bring that into the whole
wives submit to your husbands thing.
And I'm like, you guys, don't be that guy.
Don't be that dude, because you're better than that.
So-
When she submits, she submits
as she submits unto Jesus Christ.
Yep.
And so when the Bible says, you men submit to your wives,
we'll submit to her as Jesus Christ would submit to her.
So it's always remember, Jesus are a prime example
of how we are to submit to one another.
100%.
And it's a healthy submission, by the way.
Yeah.
Here, there's no control because you're there.
Have any one of you actually,
when you were serious about somebody,
you actually washed the woman's feet first?
Oh, well-
There you go.
That's a whole new experience.
And the woman has no concept what you're trying to do,
but you're showing her a servant leader attitude.
You're coming, you're not lording over her,
but you're actually coming under her to lift her up,
to wash her feet and show that, man,
this man knows how to wash my,
if he can wash my feet and humble himself,
how much more would he do for me?
Just talk, gentlemen.
No, that's one of my,
I actually have a pink wash basin with everything.
Because you guys, the way to,
you know, like, right.
Sorry, I don't know how to, I'm gonna come with this.
A woman wants to,
the way to be high is to go low, right?
You know, and like, I mean, okay.
Let's look at this.
Okay, I'm gonna bring it this way.
So every dude wants sex, right?
You know, but, and like, and our needs to be met.
But the way to,
the way to get her to do that without taking it from her,
where she wants to actually come together with you
is to serve her and she serves you, right?
And so like, to touch her heart, to be,
you know, they say that, you know, the bed,
for a woman, the bed, you know,
what happens in the bedroom starts in the morning
when you say good morning.
You know, like, you know, it's the whole day thing.
It's the all day thing.
And, you know, being a servant and not demanding your way,
not that you don't have needs and, okay.
Don't go the opposite way and go,
I'm not, I don't have needs that need to be met, right?
Because you don't want to be codependent
and like submitting in that way, right?
But like, so you need to express that you have,
you know, like you're in a relationship
and there's different dynamics,
but serving her, like washing her feet,
lifting her up on the wall,
washing on the water of the word,
leading her emotionally, leading her spiritually,
leading her physically, we're made to do it.
You guys, the thing is, it sounds like a lot.
And I remember like it being laid out,
but it's what you're made, it's what God made you for.
Like when you do that, when you are the servant,
when you wash the feet, you do all that stuff
is when you become the fullness of you, right?
And that is the, that is becoming the best you.
And I'm not doing a Joel Osted thing, you know,
but, and Kenton nailed it.
Yeah, our point is that Jesus wants us to protect
the weaker vessel, to provide for her, to love her.
But when you're dating her, are you protecting her
when you're getting too close to private parts?
Are you protecting her when you're being a gentleman,
when you're opening the doors,
when you're insisting that she walks on the inside
or you get in between strangers with Jim,
when you stand up in the room, are you protecting her?
Are you showing her honor?
If you don't honor her, if you don't,
what do the women want?
They want to know that they,
what's the word I'm looking for?
Trust?
No.
Respect.
They want to see if you can respect them.
If you can't respect a woman by being everything
that God created you as a man,
why would you expect them to respect you in return?
And even if they're in relationship with you,
when they lose respect, it's a rocket, right?
And I guess you guys, I just, I want you guys to win.
I don't want you to be surprised.
A lot of this stuff surprised me, right?
I went into marriage not knowing all this stuff
and wondering why I was hitting my head on everything.
Right?
And so, and you're in Jackie's program,
so you're set up to win.
And like, if you do this, I, you guys,
Simbis is like a non-negotiable thing.
or am I, I mean, or there's so many tools
to help you with your relationship.
It's, it's a tool, it's not, it's not a law.
Right?
It can also be used for when you're dating as well,
too, Jim.
You don't have to be engaged to do that.
Oh, really?
Okay, see, I didn't know that.
See.
And the reason for that is because it will show you
if you're compatible or not.
If you're getting close to the point
where you're really that serious,
why not take it before, see if you're really compatible.
And compatibility isn't the end game,
but it will tell you where your pressure points will be.
Right?
You know, and that is really valuable
because if you know where your pressure points,
you can mitigate them or you can work on them.
Right?
All right.
There's really something that is lacking today
is knowing what your love language is, gentlemen.
If you know what your love languages are,
and we're talking about the five love languages
by Gary Chapman.
It's got a free test on his website
for your love language.
It's good to test, good to know what your love language is.
If you know what your love language is,
then she will be able to meet.
And that is one of the biggest problems with the marriages.
The partner doesn't know the love language of their partner.
So they're trying to use their love languages
for their partner.
And that's not what their partner needs.
And so if you learn her love languages
and fulfill her love language,
it's like if it's act of service,
she'll be all over you like you wouldn't believe
because here's a man that does something that,
you know, he does dishes, he does, you know,
he cooks, he made whatever it might be.
But when you, if it's acts of service,
you're doing things for her,
it's like, she's totally in love with you.
But you got to find out what that is as well.
So I recommend that, gentlemen.
Yeah, that's my number, you guys,
my number one relationship book
is the five love languages by Gary Chapman.
Right, and one of the other reasons
why I didn't know touch was my love language.
Right, and so I got love bombed
and that would have been super helpful.
What do you got going, David?
Mr. Wright.
So I recently, so Gary Chapman has a version
of the five love languages for singles.
And it is so good.
It is honestly, so I've read, like most of you,
I've read the five love languages four or five times.
But this spring I read, I went to see Gary Chapman
and I bought the five love languages for singles
and it blew my mind.
And it really helped me understand things differently
because like things about being a single man
and he really breaks down the science of it.
And then also he has another book
called the five apology languages,
which is like a companion book to the five love languages.
Talks about like how you apologize of how you love.
And those two books and companion have been really powerful.
That's cool, I haven't heard of that one.
That's super good.
Yeah, these are key things that will set you up to win guys.
I mean, that's okay.
So I don't know about you guys,
but that's why I come here
is because I want everybody to win, right?
I don't like sharing all this junk
because I'm not doing it
because I really want to share my junk.
I just sharing like, hey, this is what killed me.
And this was what I don't want to kill you guys, right?
But the five love languages is super important.
And so, you know, like, you know,
Kenton was talking acts of service.
Like you do the dishes and she's like, oh, he loves me.
And then her love tanks gets full.
See, the problem is there's so many marriages
that it's called a great mess
where they're not hitting each other's love languages
and they're trying as hard as they can.
And then they're both exhausted
and their love tanks are empty.
And then what are you doing with two people?
How's it going to go when two people's love tanks are empty?
It's not going to go well.
And that's what-
I've seen marriages healed once they recognize,
especially for the males who recognize the woman
that was saying, I don't want his gifts.
I just want his time.
Like I know one guy who would just literally serve,
serve, serve and acts of service
because that was his love language.
But she didn't want that.
She just wanted quality time.
That's all.
And he didn't recognize that.
But once he started practicing,
sitting down and listening to her,
it healed the marriage.
She says, now he's paying attention.
He wants to be with me.
Because he thought he was being with her
and loving her through the acts of service.
And that's not what her love tank needed for.
And so again, the importance of knowing your love language
and knowing hers.
No, a hundred percent.
It's a foundational.
Well, it also gives you a lot of insight about yourself.
You know?
One thing that makes me think of is,
I think that Gels' love language is acts of service.
And
What's difficult for me is that I'm a very messy person and she likes it super clean.
So like I really have to learn how to clean like and I don't know it's very difficult
like I don't know if there's any way to get better at that like I mean I'm just really
struggle with with cleaning up I mean well and that's and so you know we were talking
about like when you get in relationship there's decisions you have to make right it's like
you know oh that's like one of them okay well she likes cleanliness well I don't well man
I guess I got some work to do here right you know.
The author said that there's nothing that some women think there's nothing more sexier
than a man the wife to watch the husband house clean yeah I want to make you think oh I want
to do housecleaning because that's gonna look real sexy to work come on guys um David you're
laughing I see that or John yeah well you guys say something Thomas yeah I was just
gonna ask Andy um I think is that something where you feel like it's just going to be
effort or are you going to try to like learn strategies for how to keep things clean or
what's what's your approach going to be to that well I don't know I mean the thing is is that um
right now I don't really have any strategies it's just like my strategy is basically like
I need to have like a four-day weekend where I can clean everything and I don't clean like
through the rest about my life like I need a vacation time off work where I'm just at home
and then I can spend like four days just cleaning and then it's nice again but then after that I
don't so it's it's it's hard to get in the habit especially being single like like without a
roommate like I just like had this whole house to myself and I don't have anyone to keep me
accountable and it's it's not easy yeah well and and well it's not easy when you go feast your
family right but like like I think what Thomas is kind of speaking to it is you're hard to hear
Mike oh so I think what Thomas is speaking to is so like David you clean up your whole house right
and then you do little things little adjustments in your life so you don't wreck it right so you
need to start you know it's like take little steps to change your life don't you know do one thing
that improves your life and makes it your house cleaner each week as well for you Andrew as well
the best way of after you have cleaned your house up every time you do an activity clean
that portion of that house up immediately like you just used then you then the house will always
be in order okay yeah I know it's just what I'm cooking I actually clean as I as I'm cooking as
you're cooking on them yeah yeah it's it's it's difficult to do that because it's like I'm it's
like I'm eating or I'm doing something and then I'm like too tired at the end of the day I'm like
oh I'll just get that later because I'm just too tired like I mean take a look at um yeah so see
like all this this right here yeah everything yeah it's just like everything is everywhere you know
but like my house it looks more like that you have to put things in the rightful place that's
all that is mm-hmm if they have a place yeah would you I mean how how intense do you want to
get like do you are you thinking like oh I just want time or are you thinking like wow I'd be
interested in like a book that talks about like an organizational system I mean a book would be
good it's just it's just you know it's putting it into practice like sometimes I've gotten books
and read them and then went in one ear out the other you know so but but you know now you have
a motivating factor mm-hmm right you know everyone that's super good but here's something you said
something Dave Andrew so one of the things I learned in relationship is I used to come home
I mean I ran a shop you know I'm working 70-hour weeks right and I came home and my ex would get
the dregs right I come home tired and exhausted and and I wouldn't show up for her right and you
and that's something where I had to change there it's like I have to show up for her and if that
means I have to do something differently at work then so be it you know
Like if there's things I need to change in my life because I married this woman and I'm
supposed to honor her and then so there is no coming there is no excuse of being exhausted
and not showing up right like because that's pretty much you're always gonna you're always
going to have that you know so you always you don't want to give her the dregs of your
self right she she deserves more than that you know and so it's a hard thing to do trust
me and I had to learn learn how to manage my bandwidth a lot better I'm still not great
at it but but I can say and then the kids come in and I had to show up for them right
and so which actually led me to grow and I guess I just encourage you guys like you know
you got to show up even even when you know you're exhausted you know I mean I guess it's
gonna be helpful if I had more than just me to clean the house like that might be helpful
no I mean yeah that's that's that's a valid point right and so but in light of that I
just I just wanted I guess I'm just killing you know or addressing some things that mindsets
like you know you you don't give your bride the dregs every night right you know and so
this is just to put in the back of your head right like you know I'm gonna so when I left
work I as soon as I left the parking lot I'm like okay I started getting myself ready to
to be there and to actually engage with my wife every every day after work even though
it was even if after a 12-hour day now I mean I wasn't super super sparkly but you know
every day I gave her I I gave her what everything I had I don't know does that make sense to you
guys you're stepping up to the plate yeah in other words um you're tired um don't be tired
suck yourself make yourself go more no it's like you're tired but but that's that's but that's
part of it you can still show up tired I I gotta I I see Abram has his hand raised but I'd love to
say something after he does all right Abram what's up sure thanks for letting me know
so like I learned at a very young age because my mom was had a very clean house right and so there
was rules you know like take your shoes off before you get in you know you leave them at the back
and so I learned at a young age it's like okay this lady is cleaning this whole house right
it's clean it's clean you don't mess it up okay you're gonna get everybody in trouble
you're gonna get your dad in trouble you're gonna get your I mean it's gonna be
hell so for you know for Andy it's like okay if this lady gives you a chance and she accepts that
you're a little messy guy okay cool right like that's good on her but like don't mess up her
kitchen you know because she's putting in effort you got to keep it clean you got to learn to keep
it clean even though that's not your nature right so my thing is like you got to respect her you
know like if this lady is putting in effort to clean your house our house man don't mess it up
and you're just stepping all over you know like that's what that'd be horrible so I don't know
100% and that's something like dude throw your you know don't just throw your clothes on the
floor put them in the hamper like I don't know how many women I'm like I can't believe he just
just throws this stuff everywhere right like I don't know how it feels like she it feels to her
like you're throwing the clothes in her face you know it's like dude what bro how many so yeah I
I'm not your I'm not your maid right I'm your wife right and so yeah that's a good point Mike
they are not your maids she's not your mother yeah so in other words I'm going to say this
very strongly Andrew quit being lazy and get it done because if you really love her
then show her you love her yeah okay that's that's a strong point but hey man well and you have a
opportunity now to get a head start on it so it does so it doesn't hit you don't have to do this
all at once right I mean I don't know I mean I've tried the like don't be lazy approach and I feel
like to me that wasn't as helpful as figuring out like what habits can I build in that are going to
make it and I so I feel like Andy it sounds like to me you have a choice you can either live the
that you're like you're living and then like spend lots of time cleaning up or you can maybe
do like what Abram is talking about and kind of like invest little bits of energy along the way
way. And then you don't have to spend as much like go back and
retrospectively spend as much energy, like cleaning up. I'm
not saying either one is like right or wrong. But it sounds
like that maybe is a choice you're going to face.
Well, and you said what you said habits, right? Developing
habits, little things. I mean, if you just develop one habit,
every, every couple weeks, it helps you clean up, right? And
you win. Right? Like, okay, so diet, right? People go on a diet
and they change everything. Right? And like, okay, and then
it doesn't work because they changed everything. Whereas I
just like, okay, I want to what can I do that makes a
difference? Right? And so like, switch, okay, I'll eat more
chicken, right? Or I'll do this little little thing. I'll cut
carbs back and I'll do this. And then it becomes a lifestyle. And
then you don't. And then it's something that you just do. You
don't have to think about it. Right? You know, and I think
that's Thomas is what you're saying is like, hey, make a
little adjustments. And, and look at it is loving yourself
well and loving her well. I mean, when your house is chaos,
how do you feel for me? I dude, I don't have peace.
Right? I actually the maybe part of the problem is that the
messiness actually doesn't bother me. Like if I was if I
was going to be like on my own for the rest of my life, and it
was messy, like I would not care in the slightest. Okay. Yeah,
that's fine. Andrew, you can actually do that. Because it's
how you live. But I wouldn't want to bring anybody home.
That'd be the case. Yeah. Because remember, it's
respecting others more higher than yourself. Yeah. That's and
that's a key element. You're ready to respect them. And they
can respect you if you're going to come over, they're going to
come to your place. No, you're showing who you are that them
and if it's messy, how many people want to come to your
place anymore to avoid you?
Well, and so, you know, these are little things like when
we're alone, it's like, you know, when we're single, you
know, these are things that like marriage changes, right? You
no longer can be a slob, you know, you no longer can leave
the toilet seat. You know, you know, it's, it's, it's little
things, you know, because but you do it because you're
honoring them, right? So I guess, and it's a beautiful
thing, because it actually makes you better. I mean, I'm a better
person. I mean, actually, guys who are married usually make
more, because they have better skill sets, and that are more
and they know how to work within teams and stuff. Well, because
they've learned all that. It's if you look it up marriage, you
know, like people who are married make more money, just
because the skills they gained in that. So and is it fun to
know, but, but Andrew, like, if you love this gal, God's given
you an amazing opportunity to make some changes. So it's not a
not as stark a contrast, right? And as much and as much of so
you can like ease into it, or you can hit it like a train
hitting a wall. Right? Like, it's your choice, you know, and
like, it's hard enough to meld two lives together. You know,
but yeah, it's work. Yeah.
Hey, anybody else have anything they want to address or chat
about? Or?
It's a good time, gentlemen, you got some of us older gentlemen
who were married for 36 plus years. And it's not that it
didn't work. We'll tell you what didn't work. We'll tell you what
does work.
Yeah. Well, and try to
Oh, Tim, go for it.
Oh, I was just gonna mention, um, that that I'm, I guess you
know, I don't know the levels. Maybe someone could tell level
123 or whatnot. But I guess I'd say I'm level one, like I'm
talking to a girl who's in the last year single. So that's
good. I just wanted to tell the group just to kind of, you know,
just be open up front and everything. So I'm long
distance. So we haven't actually met yet. So, you know, so it's
definitely very much a level one. Yeah.
But dude, grats. Way to go. I mean, yeah. Three if you don't
start a level one. So like, right.
Now what's the level two and three mean again?
Two is where I think you're getting a little more
level level what he's going into level two because level one is
just you meet at church and everybody's seeing each other
and and you just know her from afar. That's level. Oh, okay.
Level two is when you actually made contact with her.
Okay. Okay. And level three is more like, hey, we're
exclusively dating courting.
A is like, we're right before girlfriend, boyfriend, but like
we're spending a lot of time together. Three B is Renee would
say is girl exclusive girlfriend, boyfriend. And like
David just hit three a
You know and and between 3a and 3b, there's not a whole lot of difference. But like, yeah
So cool and may it go to Ollie to you know, is it five is the end, you know?
I'm gonna jump out of here guys, cuz I'm meeting the young lady from
Lys and I'm meeting her right now. So all right. Cool. Hey, bless you. All right
All right, let's talk soon
All right, you guys it's 605 any any anything else before we balance or?
Did this guy's is this helpful for you guys I mean, I I
Don't want to I want to paint a real picture
So you like know?
If you know what to attack you can crush it
Right, you know like but if you don't know what to expect
Then you're gonna be like
Caught flat-footed and I don't want you guys to be caught flat-footed
So if you don't know your love language five love languages, it's actually a super it's a super short book
It's a super easy thing to do and it's mission critical and in all your relationships really
So
So, okay, well, I guess if there's nothing else I appreciate you guys all showing up
Can we hear the answer to David's question to Tim
What was it? Well, what was the question? What is there anything you do to keep your house clean? Oh
Me uh-huh. Oh
Keep my house clean. Uh, I guess I've always been kind of a tidy person. So I just oh, okay
Like how do you be? How do you be a tidy person for people who aren't tidy people? Oh
I know that's a good question. If it's not in the DNA
ADHD and it's like the worst thing for being clean
That takes an extra adderall and then go clean up I
Know I know that's good question. I know
In it maybe just I did like the advice
I don't know who mentioned it, but I think Mike did about like a small things like just okay. I'm just gonna
Try to keep one room clean like like the kitchen or something, you know
Well, and for me I have to look at is loving myself well, I
Hate doing dishes, right, but I'm but I want to love myself. Well, and you know
Women one of the things that women look for is tidiness
Right, like, you know, and so when my room isn't clean and my life feels chaotic. I mean, I
You know, I mean I prefer I don't need it to be like
Surgically clean right and I can deal with a lot of chaos, but I realized my piece suffers
and I think it's I
Forget his name, but he's a he's a well-known counselor. He's like your room is indicate indicative of your your life
Oh Jordan Pearson. Thank you
Yeah, and I thought
Tell me about your room and I'm like
Yeah, it's like, you know, my life's a little chaotic right now, you know
And I do a ton of ministry and I don't have a lot of time home
And so part of that but that's also me managing things. Well
So
Which is an excuse, right? I I need to prioritize keeping my sanity as well
So, well, I thank you guys
I hope you guys learned something and I hope you feel encouraged, you know
We're meant to do hard things you guys realize that right? We're meant to kill things and let you know, and even let things
You know and die in ourselves so that we become better, right? There's a lot of things that we oh, sorry
I always put my hand over my stinking mic like, you know, we're meant to do hard things and
And sometimes the things that need to die in us or wait that are holding us back
Right and that's there's a stripping but it also leads to freedom
I mean a lot of the things in my life that I've
Learned have led me to freedom right to taught me how to honor how to love well
And I really appreciate all that, you know, was it a fun process? Not necessarily, you know
I'm like, is there any other thing else I could die to don't ask that question, by the way
I just
But but you guys are doing amazing and I'm excited for you
Andrew and David and I'm Tim and
Lord, may the rest of y'all
Get it have a number one and two and and start that process, too
I'm praying for that for me. So Lord Jesus. I just thank you for all the men on this call. Well what I
Just pray that you help us to be mighty men of honor
and valor and love, and that we would love people,
love our future spouses like you.
Lord, I ask that we build a life
that they'd want to come alongside.
Help us to do that.
Help us to fix the habits and stuff
that wouldn't be conducive to a marriage,
and to do it before so we can actually start
our marriages flourishing.
Lord, I pray for our future spouses
and our spirit mates that you'd be working
on us doing the same thing in them,
teaching them how to love us well and preparing them.
So Lord, I just pray that you would bring,
yeah, just intertwine, intersect all the people
that you have for our king of spouses for every man here.
But most of all, Lord, that every one of them
would feel your love and your presence,
and know that you're proud of them
and that you're rooting for them
and that you're not against them.
And that you got their best in mind,
and you can't wait to introduce them to their spouse.
But also you can't wait for them to become
all that you've made them to be.
And Lord, may we all become the men you've made us to be.
And Lord, if there's any hopelessness,
we just break it off in Jesus' name.
We just plead the blood of Jesus over everybody
on this call and say, hopelessness be gone.
Because God, you're good.
You're a warder of those who diligently seek him.
And Lord, we're diligently seeking you.
And we just come against the lies of the enemy
that say anything contrary to who you are.
Because you're good, and you can't wait for us
to experience all the goodness that you have planned for us.
And so I pray as you watch over,
bless the man with favor,
and that everybody would have breakthroughs
and things to share, testimonies to share next week.
So we thank you, Jesus.
Amen.
Hey, love you all, guys.
Dude, you're killing it.
Thanks for sharing and showing up.
I'm proud of you.
Thank you, Mike.
Thanks for leading us today, Mike.
Have a blessed week.
Thanks, Mike.
You too.
Awesome, bye-bye.
Bye.