Hi ladies, good evening, welcome to our 8 p.m. heartwork session.
It's another Monday, excited for what God's going to do tonight.
My name is Bethany Cooper, I'm one of the master heartwork coaches here in the community.
We also have one of our peer coaches, Annette Lewis, here with us again tonight, so glad
to have her with us as well.
I am also just going to say hey to all of our new ladies, so if you're new, you're joining
us, this is your first live session you've ever been to.
Would love to have you put that in the chat for us so that we can acknowledge you and
welcome you.
For all of my ladies that have been here before, that have come back, welcome back.
I'm so glad to have you here with us.
I've been praying for you all this afternoon and just even yesterday leading into today
that God would help you come expecting to receive everything that he has for you.
So I just want to encourage you before we even go into announcements that maybe that's
where you would posture your heart as well.
God, I believe and expect that you're going to do something in my heart and life tonight
to create more breakthrough, to create more transformation, to help me hear one thing,
one dot gets connected, whatever that looks like for you, and that tonight would be a
good way for a long time.
So on that note, a couple housekeeping items for you, best practices.
This is for a reminder for everyone, but also for our new ladies if you did not know this.
One of the things that we ask you to do while you're in the heart work is to press pause
on dating, on trying to meet guys, having friends introduce you to guys, all of that
kind of stuff because it's really important for you to dial into your heart work and get
into the core of what's been holding you back before.
And what we have found is a lot of times the enemy will try to bring people into your all's
lives while you're in the heart work and the fears that rise up when we ask you to press
pause on dating is what if I miss out on this awesome guy I just met?
Well, number one, I don't believe and we don't believe in this community that you can miss
out on your spirit mate, all right?
And so we want to encourage you to partner with trusting the Lord in the process.
God led you here and he wants you to work on your heart work.
And so you can say to that person, Hey, you know, I really enjoyed meeting you.
I want to let you know I'm doing something really important in this season.
I'm investing in my heart work.
And you know, if you're open to it, I would love to circle back with you when I'm finished
with that.
A healthy man, I'm going to tell you what, he's going to love that.
He's going to love that you're investing in your heart healing.
He's going to honor that.
And ladies, guess what?
He's not going to be one of those guys messaging you trying to sideline you and pull you away
from that.
He's going to honor you.
He's going to honor that process.
And how do I know that?
Because I'm married to one of those people.
Okay, so they exist.
And there's not just one there's there's a bunch of men out there, whether you believe
that or not yet.
There are a lot of great men out there who actually care about their heart healing as
well and will honor your process.
The other thing I wanted to just bring a little mention to is inside the last year single
app is the announcements tab.
If you did not know, anytime I pin a post or if there's something we're wanting you
to know when we pin it, it will be right there in that super easy for you to see.
And so if you're ever wondering like what's going on in the community, what are my activations
for the week?
Maybe you weren't able to join live.
Maybe you didn't hear it mentioned in the in the live or the replay, then you can go
right to that announcements tab and you will see that there.
I'm going to go ahead and pass it over to Annette for a few other housekeeping items
and then she's going to pray us in for the night.
All right.
Hello.
Hi, ladies.
So good to be here with you again tonight.
Welcome to everyone.
And if you're new, we especially give you a warm welcome.
Want to remind everyone about Supernatural Saturday.
Such a great time, such a great time and a great boost to your Saturday to kick the week
off or kick the weekend off.
It's time that is well spent and well invested.
This last week was having done all stand and it really blessed me.
I was a couple of minutes late, but jumped on and I'm always I just some days when I
think because it's 7 a.m. here my time and I think maybe I'll just stay in bed and sleep
a little bit longer.
But when I think, no, I'm at least going to turn it on and tune in and listen.
I am always so thankful that I did because God always has something for me that he just
specifically points out to me.
And I'm blessed by the time.
And we would love to have you there if you're not able to be there, then certainly listen
to the replays.
That's one of the good things about the community is that often we have things available on
replay.
So you're not going to miss out.
You still have an opportunity to listen.
So.
Um, next thing when you're doing your heartwork and your heart healing journey, have some
fun.
It's so intense and it's so heavy and emotional.
We want you to get rest, but the other thing we really encourage you to do is have some
fun, build some time in for fun, something that you enjoy doing.
Laughter is good medicine.
It truly is.
And so we want you to heck, if you do something and your tummy muscles hurt because you've
laughed so hard, tell us about it.
We want to hear it, that that would be a good thing.
Something that we'd like to hear.
Um, and so also another verse, Proverbs 17, 22, a cheerful heart is good medicine, but
a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
God wants you to be encouraged in this time.
He's there with you to lead you and to guide you, and he knows it's hard work, but he wants
to build in fun along the way.
It's not all intense and you know, hard work.
We want you to have a balance and to be able to enjoy things as well.
So be sure to take time to do that and laugh and giggle and let us know what tickles your
funny bone for the week and how we can laugh with you.
Okay.
All right.
Now we're going to pray so we can get started.
Dear heavenly father, thank you for the blessing and the privilege to be here tonight to gather
and to just be prepared to have our hearts prepared and be in a posture where we are
expecting you to show us even just small nuggets of truth of blessings or hugs from heaven
as I've called them before God that you have specifically for us because you are so intimately
and intricately acquainted with each one of us and you know, just what we need.
So meet us all in this time, continue to grow us and heal us and help us to walk in the
authentic selves that you've created us to be for the purposes and plans.
I pray that you would be with Bethany tonight as she shares her wisdom and experiences,
but as well as your truth over all of us tonight, may your spirit permeate this time in your
name.
I pray.
Amen.
Thank you so much, Annette.
Again, for all those that have been logging in since we started, welcome to you.
We're so glad that you're here joining us.
One of the things I wanted to mention from this supernatural Saturday that I believe
totally will tie in to where we're going tonight is when, I love the whole thing, but when
Jackie said, God said the supply lines are open, the supply lines are open.
And so I want you to be thinking about that.
Even as I was talking earlier about the expectancy, like, did you come in expecting to receive
something from the Lord?
And do you believe that the supply line between heaven and earth in your life, that those
are open?
If you don't, you believe those are kinked or closed off, then I would encourage you
to pray into that and ask the Lord for revealing for healing.
When is the first time you believed that his blessings cannot flow into your life?
And also this afternoon, I wrote this down on my paper and I forgot to say it, and the
Lord brought it back to my attention tonight.
There's this song, and I can't remember which one it is, but it's when I believe Kim Walker
Smith is singing in it, and she just starts singing about the drought is ending.
And I want to declare that over you tonight, that the drought is ending.
The times where you feel like you've been in the wilderness, it's been really dry.
You don't see anything new in sight.
You're not even sure if God's blessings are going to come to fulfillment in your life.
Whatever it is negative that you have been believing, where things have felt dead, dried
up, just uncertain, any of those kinds of things, God is saying over you tonight that
the drought is ending.
But a part of filling our lives with fresh water, fresh healing, fresh life, is partnering
with confession and repentance, ladies.
Okay?
So this is where we're going tonight.
We got to clean the pipes out.
I was just saying to this group of leaders in our church the other day, I have this picture
because I have some men in that room, and I was trying to think, how can I connect with
the men?
But I'm going to use this as an example tonight as well, because it's coming up in my spirit.
So I'm just going to say it.
But I was talking about clogged pipes and how sometimes our heart, you know, I've got
years ago, I got this picture for myself, like there was a lot of red, there was a lot
of flesh in my heart, but then there was this part where I could just see this black sludge.
And it wasn't that I wanted that there, but the reality is, is that the things that had
not been healed.
The areas where I wasn't valuing myself and living up to the fullness of God's potential for me the areas where I needed to repent
And confess and come out of alignment with some things that was causing that sludge area if you will in my heart
And so I connected on Saturday to the likened it to with you know, when we have a house
You know just imagine the pipes in your house getting just backed up with sludge
Like and the water flow just it just can't flow right you got to have somebody come in and clean that stuff all out
So that the pipes run the way they're supposed to run now if your pipes were backed up in your house
Would you just leave it that way most likely not right? So why?
Do we tend to leave our heart full of sludge?
Because it's hard to process things well, maybe
Or is it just that sometimes?
The things that we don't see are kind of easy to press down to forget about but they the reality is ladies
We might momentarily forget
But eventually those things will surface at some point and they will probably cause havoc in your heart and life
And so tonight we're talking about
Confession and repentance and we're going to start talking about the why behind the what we don't always know why we do what we do
But God knows why we do what we do just like Paul in the Bible
He's like, I don't know why I keep doing these things that I I don't mean to do like even Paul himself
I want you to understand that you're not alone in these struggles. You're not alone in that aspect of like man
Why do I keep getting tripped up with the same thing over and over?
Has anyone ever felt like that before you have this area that just is like this gnawing area
Maybe it's a belief in your heart. Maybe it's a sin cycle and you're just like why does this keep happening?
In my life, and why do I keep getting tripped up with this thing?
Why do I continue to struggle with depression or or you know the fear that you know
As soon as I have a blessing God's gonna take it from me because at some point in our childhood
the why behind the what is
Oftentimes someone took something from us
after the blessing came and
Obviously the enemy is at the root of all things ladies
We have to remember that our enemy is Satan
yes, people do things that harm us and
The enemy is using people kind of as his pawn if you will in this process
But ultimately it's him
He's the one that comes to kill steal and destroy but Jesus Christ came
So that we could have life and have it more abundantly and so in order to have that abundant life
We have to look at these patterns in our lives
Where we're going around the same mountain over and over and over we keep tripping over the same rock and we're like shoot
I thought that rock wasn't there anymore
But lo and behold it's still there and we're still tripping up over it anybody ever literally like you're walking and you're like I
Don't even have anything to trip over but I just tripped over my own feet
Anybody ever done that I do that
Sometimes I think I'm just kind of going really fast and then I trip over my feet and I'm like
How did I just trip over my own feet like they're my feet?
I don't know but that comes to mind as well because sometimes these things are actually
connected to us and
We've carried them and and actually some of us have perceived and believed that this is just how we are
It's just we're just always gonna be this way and we've convinced ourselves
We believe the lie of the enemy and convinced ourselves that we cannot be any different
Tripping over our own feet here. Okay, so I'm gonna start talking about what some of these things are and how they show up in our lives
But I want you to remember it's very important ladies
And if you haven't heard me say this before this might be your first time. We don't want you getting shovels out
What do I mean by that? I'm not asking you to start digging up all of your past all of your life
Okay
We're asking the Lord to reveal things for healing and trusting him in this process
It is so important that that's how you approach this
Okay, because if you get out your shovels and you just start digging digging trying to figure all this stuff out
You most likely will retraumatize yourself. Okay, so trusting the Lord in this process. He knows
Exactly what you need when you need it
Okay
He will reveal those areas for healing he'll connect the dots at the right time
He'll help you step further into the light come further out of that darkness
Have you ever seen like
You know the movies or even yourself, you know, you go
Kind of envision like one of those bridges that's you know
a stone bridge and it kind of you know, it has the
the shape where you look like you're going
through this tunnel and it, you know,
you start going in and at first, you know,
there's light on the outside,
but the further you get into that tunnel,
the darker the light gets.
And have you ever thought about the fact
that oftentimes we get into the tunnel
and we're like, oh my gosh,
it's so far to get to the other end of the tunnel.
But we're always like, man, when the,
like when I just get to the light,
I'll just see more clearly.
I'll just, I'll understand this stuff better.
And I used to feel that way,
this striving to get to the end of the tunnel
so that the light would come.
And one day the Lord was just like,
but I'm the light of the world
and I'm with you wherever you go.
So the reality is, is that, you know what?
He comes right in the middle of that darkness
and he can illuminate it.
So even when we walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
even when we walk through the tunnels of hardship,
even when we walk through the hard processing of heartwork
and it might feel overwhelming and dark and hard,
or we might be looking at these confessions
and things we need to do this week.
And it might feel like, oh my gosh,
I don't know if I can tell these people in this group this.
I just wanna say to you that the light of the world
is coming right in the middle of your tunnel.
He's coming right in the middle of your darkness,
if you will allow him to.
And he wants to illuminate all of that
and bring hope and joy and life to those places
because he doesn't want you bound in the darkness.
He never did.
When he died on the cross,
he died for our freedom, for our victory.
We fight for, or excuse me, from victory, not for it.
The blood was already shed for you to be completely free,
to not be defined by your past.
Some of you still are believing the lie
that your past limits you, and it doesn't.
Okay, we're gonna keep talking about this.
The Holy Spirit is your comforter, your counselor,
your guide, he's your ever-present help
in times of trouble, in every situation, in every dynamic.
So when you're not sure how to handle something,
ladies, we can pause and say,
Holy Spirit, I trust that you're with me right now.
You know that we don't even need a,
like we can thank him for coming.
We don't even need to beg him to come.
He's just there.
But we need to tap into the reality that he's there.
Holy Spirit, thank you for being with me right now.
Thank you for being my comforter
in the midst of this processing, this hard work.
As this hard memory came up,
thank you for not leaving me alone or forsaking me.
God, thanks for being my good father.
And ladies, when we start just thanking God
for what he's already promised in his word,
it literally will shift things for you.
God has never, ever postured us
in a place of having to beg for him to do stuff,
but that's how we've perceived it for different reasons,
depending on how you're raised,
maybe the church you're in, all different kinds of stuff,
but the Holy Spirit is with you
and he's going to help you unpack these things
more and more and more in the days to come.
All right, so here's some examples
of the why behind the what.
Now, I want to make a connection to last week's content.
If you weren't here with us last week,
you can catch that in the replay
or we will cover it again in a few more weeks,
but we were talking about unhealthy roots
that lead to unhealthy fruit.
And so the why behind the what, okay,
the why is kind of like the fruit,
or excuse me, the what is the fruit.
The why is why do we have unhealthy fruit?
It's the lies that lead to it, okay?
So we're basically gonna unpack a little bit more
the why behind the what.
If we have unhealthy fruit, what's the why?
Why are we doing that?
What's the lie we believe that's leading to that?
Okay, so some what's, these are some examples.
Let's talk about insecurity.
I want you to be thinking about your life
and the ways that insecurity might show up for you.
Does it show up when other women are around
and all of a sudden jealousy is surfacing
in your heart, in life?
Or maybe a friend of yours meets someone
and you haven't met anybody yet,
and so now you're feeling all insecure
like God's passed you over.
Is it showing up when you're comparing yourself
to other people in the heart work
or any other part of your life?
Maybe it's at work.
Insecurity shows up in all kinds of ways, ladies.
But why is it showing up for us?
Pausing and asking the Lord,
when is the first time I felt insecure?
When's the first time I didn't feel secure,
God, in your love for me?
Do y'all know that, remember,
perfect love casts out all fear.
Fear has to do with torment.
Fear is basically what feeds insecurity.
So if you haven't made that connection before, when you feel insecure in some way, there
are fears there.
Lies are fueling the fear.
So we want to say, Lord, where did this come from?
When's the first time I felt jealous of other women or jealous of other people at work or,
you know, when did insecurity around my parents first show up for me?
Whatever that is, you want to unpack that with the Lord.
Maybe it's self-hatred.
You know, we talked about this a little bit last week.
We can't hate other people if we don't first hate ourselves.
So when's the first time, Lord, when's the first time the why behind the what, that self-hatred
showed up in my life when I started separating from loving myself the way that he created
us to and started really being harsh towards myself?
I've been preparing, I'm preaching on Sunday here at our church, and I've been preparing
for that message.
And I was doing some study on the opposite of the fruit of the spirit of kindness.
And I was looking today into all kinds of scriptures on mean spiritedness and like how
God asked us to, you know, handle that.
And so I wanted to say this, that anything that's the opposite of love or kindness is
going to go on the, you know, that mean spirited, the ill intentions behind things.
And maybe that's not you.
I hope that's not you.
But if you are struggling with any of those kinds of things, God wants you to get to the
root of the matter.
And typically it's when we don't like ourselves first.
When we start acting out an unhealthy behaviors towards people when, and we have these mean
spirited behaviors, typically the core is something we don't like about us.
All right, overeating.
I'm going to call this overindulgence actually, and then overindulgence in anything.
So maybe it's overeating in food and maybe it's binge watching on TV.
Maybe it's having too much wine.
Maybe it's, you know, indulging in like sexual things less.
We're going to talk about that more here in a little bit, but why do we overeat?
Do I have anybody else in this room that has ever been an emotional eater?
Anyone in here ever eat your emotions?
All right.
A couple of people here with me.
So here's the thing, you know, have we ever paused and just thought about like, okay,
where did this start for me?
Like why am I turning to food instead of the Lord in this moment?
Why am I, you know, feeling overwhelmed and it's causing me to want food that I don't
even want.
Y'all, typically when I get really tired, I have all kinds of cravings.
Last night, praise the Lord, I didn't give in y'all, I didn't, but I was really worn
out from the weekend.
We poured into people all weekend long and I was really tired.
I had already eaten dinner, but my mind kept telling me I wanted sugar.
My mind kept saying, you need this, you need this, you need this.
And I can't tell you literally three times.
I think I walked to my fridge and opened it and y'all, because I've only been really buying
healthy food.
I'm like, there's nothing in there, darn it, but praise the Lord at the same time.
But yeah.
So you know what I did?
I drank some water.
That's what I'm supposed to be doing instead of snacking and eating those things.
Then I'm using this kind of being silly, but the reality is, is I recognize when I am worn
out that I can tend to overeat or have things that I don't need.
And you know, I'm kind of being silly, but the reality is, is how many of you, when you're
tired and worn out, overindulge in something?
Even seeking attention from men when you're tired and you're overindulging, okay?
What about gossiping, slandering, gossiping, any of that kind of stuff?
You know, when's the first time you gossiped about somebody or somebody gossiped about
you?
And so then you decided to kind of turn it back on them, reciprocate that behavior.
We have to understand that God doesn't want us to live in those places either.
He wants us to choose to love people and to be the living epistles on this earth, to put
on love, to put on hope, to put on kindness, the fruits of the spirit that we would walk
in those.
Y'all, I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means.
It is a struggle, you know, sometimes to just zip our lips, you know, the tongue is unruly
and full of fire, I think, or something the scripture says, you know, but let's, let's
not be people that just say, Oh, this is just how I am.
So they're just going to have to deal with it.
No, no, I don't like, can you imagine saying that to Jesus?
I can't with any of our behaviors that are not healthy for us.
I can't imagine us saying, if we were sitting right next to Jesus, like, Jesus, I've just
always been this way.
So you're just going to have to deal with it.
get used to it. What? No! We wouldn't, right? So why do we say that as an excuse for our behavior
to our friends or our family or even to ourselves? So again, it's not about being perfect. This isn't
about being on good behavior, ladies, okay? I don't want anyone to misunderstand, but this is about
inner heart healing that leads to long-term transformation, okay? I'll say that over and over
all the time because I want you all to understand I don't want you to pretend to be good, okay?
I help people all the time. I've walked with people through some of their deepest
sin struggles. I don't need anyone to try to impress me. I'd rather see your stuff and help
you process that and come out of it so that you can just live a life more free.
But we have to first be honest with ourselves, okay? Here's some other ones. Negative self-talk
or thought patterns. Are you someone that really struggles? These are the fruits. Again, these are
things we touched on last week. Someone who struggles with negative thought patterns and
negative cycles and heart postures where no matter what's going on, you're seeing the negative side
of that. You tend to see the glass half empty versus half full. Again, these are not things
we don't have to live that way. We might have to retrain our brain, especially if it came down for
generations, but it is possible. All right, now I'm going to talk about some things on the sexual
related area. So sometimes we have issues having sex before marriage. So sex outside of marriage,
pornography addictions, and yes, ladies, this is rampant even among women, okay? And I'm not
not to shame any of you if that is your struggle. I'm saying it because it's time for us just to be
real and bring those things out of darkness to the light so they don't have power or a hold over us
anymore. Maybe you struggle with lust and masturbation or things where you're just,
you're kind of fueling that instead of curbing it, instead of figuring out how to walk in the
fruit of the spirit of self-control. Growing up in a home where I was sexually abused as a young girl,
going through things that I did way too young, you know, it wasn't shocking that I had sex as a
young girl and had sex before I was married, but God had called me to something different, you know,
and it was up to me to change. I really knew that God was calling me to be the kinsman redeemer in
my family line. Abuse came all the way down through my mom's family and to, you know, my mom's brothers.
I think it might've come down from her dad, you know, with my brothers and then down into my life.
And I just knew that I didn't want the spirit of lust to have power over my family and the
generations to come behind me. And so it wasn't just about the abuse, ladies. It was about the
things that I then chose to do as a result of the counterfeit identities that were like existing in
my heart in life without even me knowing it. And so, you know, just really made a commitment to
the Lord, like, Hey, like, I want to do this the way you want it, you know, and really got committed
to that y'all. And I'm not saying it was easy, but when I met Brian, I knew even before I was
dating this last time around, because I worked really hard on that years before,
um, had, had totally not had sex before marriage for a long time and really worked hard on that,
even with the girl's dad, but so many times he would pressure me and just treat me like garbage.
If I had, I didn't have sex with him and I'm not saying that's okay, ladies, I'm just being real.
Okay. Sometimes we do things that we don't want to do because we're afraid of the way
someone's going to treat us if we don't, but that is not the way God wants us to live.
Okay. And I'm going to talk about some of the things that led me there, because I think that
we need to have these kinds of conversations, but it came to the, to the point where I was just like,
I'm not, I'm not gonna, I'm not going to be the loser in this battle. God gave me the ability to
overcome this. I believe he wants me to be the breaker. I have a breaker anointing. I know that
I carry that and he wanted me to break this off of my family. And so I knew that whoever I was
going to date had to be committed to that, not just with their words, but with their actions,
because I've had people say before, yeah, I believe in not having sex before marriage,
but then there before long, they start kind of trying to say things or come over and Netflix and
chill. And yeah, no. Okay. This time around, I'm like those people. And I knew I was going to be
able to discern it and resist that and not go in that direction. And so met Brian and we had
important conversations at the timeframe that we needed to, and knew that we were both committed.
to protecting the covenant. And so, that's what we did. And we worked at that together.
Ladies, here's the reality. The closer we got to the wedding day, the harder that got. Okay?
But here's the awesome thing. God was teaching us along the way. God was teaching me. He was
helping me understand that when Brian was, you know, setting healthy boundaries, even sometimes,
like, you know, literally, like, we weren't, we would kiss and like, then you want to do more
things. And so, then that starts to kick up. Well, he was like, yeah, we probably shouldn't kiss.
And I remember I felt rejected in that moment. I felt that. But here's the reality. I was telling
the ladies this afternoon. The reality is, is Brian was loving me. He was protecting me
and protecting the covenant. And he was setting a boundary because it was causing both of us to
think about things we didn't need to think about and then wanting to act on those things. And we
didn't need to do that either. And so, and then as we got closer to the wedding day, you know,
on occasion, we would still kiss, but there were just, you know, we're, couldn't stay after a
certain timeframe at my house or his house. We just set time, you know, parameters and all kinds
of things. But as we got closer to the wedding day, literally this one time, I was just, we were
just watching a movie. And I was just like, laying up next to him, kind of cuddled. Nothing was going
on. But all of a sudden I felt my heart starting to pound. I felt it. I felt the flesh kicking in
you all. And I sat up and he's like, what's wrong? I was like, nothing, but I can't touch you. Like
we can't, we can't, we can't cuddle anymore until after the wedding. Like I literally, like it's
making me think about things I don't need to think about. And so that was like two months before we
got married. And so the last two months, we just, we didn't, we didn't hold hands. We didn't kiss
and we did not cuddle. I like, I put, we put all the guardrails in place and you all here's the
reality. I learned something that I never learned before. Sex is amazing. It's a gift from God for
our marriage, but that isn't the definition of love. It's not the definition of love.
It's a benefit of it in covenant. But in the past, I felt like it was a source of feeling
needed and wanted. And I was, that's not what I needed. I needed to know that a man would love me
and want to be with me, even if, or when we couldn't have sex. Cause here's the reality,
ladies. I don't know if this is a spoiler alert, but sometimes even after you get married,
somebody might get sick or they might have a surgery. And if you don't know how to love yours,
like love each other really well without that stuff, you're going to struggle.
Okay. So I'm just going to let that cat out of the bag. So think about this stuff. You know,
we want you all to really value yourself. Okay. So that's where I want to go next.
The root of that for me, the why behind the what was because I truly did not, I valued a lot of
myself, but yet there were these parts of myself that I was devaluing in relationships in the past.
And what I really learned was that I didn't fully have a deep revelation. In some areas,
I understood the love of the father 100%, but there were still these other crevices of my heart,
if you will, that I did not have the full understanding of the love of the father.
I wasn't secure in my identity in Christ. And therefore I thought I needed to
feel loved and feel needed. And, you know, I liked the attention and, but then I didn't like the
attention at the same time, there was this kind of uneven thing going on in there because I learned
that that attention wasn't actually healthy and good growing up. Right. But then you have all
these things that you feel and your hormones are going and all that kind of stuff. And so learning
how to walk in the spirit of self control will be a true blessing to you all to commit to that. And
I hope that you all will choose that path for your life and for your marriage. Here's a couple other
ones struggles with authority. Are you someone that just no matter what you just in within yourself,
you buck against authority. Like there's just that spirit of rebellion in you like no matter what
you don't, you just like, don't want to do what your boss says. Maybe it was your parents growing
up. Maybe it's now trickling down to your kids and they're just rebelling against you.
Um, whatever that looks like. Uh, another one is angry outburst. I call them angry outburst or
angry on the inside. So maybe you're brewing and stewing on some things,
but it's not like an outburst yet, but it's still rooted in anger.
So again, asking the Lord, when is the
first time, I struggled with anger, you know, and you can break it down towards my mom,
if the situation is happening with you and your mom, that's causing the anger.
Maybe it's anger towards a friend, when's the first time I felt angry with this friend or
another friend, or even ladies sometimes with yourself. All right, one of the things I think
Kalandra might even be on here tonight, I'm not sure, but she said something this afternoon that
I really wanted to point out as well. She said that one of her greatest sins and struggles and
strongholds was that she struggles to trust God to protect her or provide for her basically. And
so at the end of the day, ladies, if we unpack the trust issue, it is another thing that leads
back to us. If we tend to not trust God or trust other people, oftentimes we actually don't trust
ourselves somewhere. So we really want you in this heartwork healing process to grow in your
ability to trust yourself more. Excuse me, even some of you like myself, when you've picked
unhealthy people in the past, it can really break your ability to trust yourself. When we say we're
going to do something and then we don't do it, well, we're literally breaking our own word,
which breaks our trust in ourselves. And so we want God to help us grow in our trust and in our
ability to trust ourselves and trust him and then trust other people that are safe and healthy.
And so if you are someone that just constantly is struggling with trusting God, I want to encourage
you to pray and ask the Lord, when is the first time I didn't trust myself? Or I did something
or said something that broke my trust in myself. And let's see if that kind of leads to the root
of why you also struggle to trust the Lord. Instead of us just accepting these things in our lives
as this is just how I am, or this is just how my family has always been, let's choose to allow God
to transform us from the inside out, ladies, and partner with God to become, as I was talking about
earlier, the kinsman redeemer in our family, in our generational line. I want you to think about
the areas right now in your life that you feel like, man, this is too dark. This is too much.
If I share this with other people, I don't even know if they'll love me. I don't know if they'll
receive me. If you have any of those areas, you don't have to put them in the chat, but I want
you to write them down on your paper. I want you to be thinking about those because the Lord, again,
wants to come and bring the light. He is, Jesus is the light of the world. He wants to come in the
of that tunnel, that dark space, so to speak, and bring his light. And I want you to think about the
story of the leper in the Bible. I'm going to kind of make some parallels here, and we're going to
start kind of moving through this pretty quick, but I want you to think about the reality that
lepers were outcast. They often were rejected and shunned, and they had to kind of live out away
from people. And there's one where, you know, they maybe had to ring a bell or any, you know,
call attention to themselves when they were coming to an area. They were alone because of their disease,
their affliction, but now I want you to see how Jesus responded to the leper in Mark 1. I'm not
going to read the scripture for you. You can go read it for yourself, but I want you to hear these
truths tonight. Jesus went towards him. Jesus didn't just heal him. He did heal him, but you want to
what else Jesus did? He touched him. I want you to think about these areas where you feel like
you have this sin cycle or this dark area that feels like it's too much. It's, you know, just
kind of has made you kind of on the outside. You don't fit in with people or whatever that is for
you, and I want you to understand that what used to be untouchable becomes touchable as soon as you
encounter the divine love of the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Jesus is coming towards you tonight.
He's not going away from you,
and he wants to help you heal because he loves you. Social barriers when that happened were
shattered, literally. So don't you think Jesus and God and Holy Spirit can shatter the barriers that you feel?
Our God is more than able to do abundantly and measurably above anything we could ever ask, think,
or imagine. The same power that rose Jesus Christ from the dead is living in us. It's operating
through us, and so if that's true, can it not break the barriers? Can it not break down the shackles
and the things that have kept us stuck from being able to receive the fullness of God's blessings in our lives?
Where have you been limiting God in your process?
God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit want to shatter all your barriers and they want to come in
and bring divine love.
They want you to lay down all your shame tonight and receive the absolute unconditional love
that is waiting for you tonight.
Repentance means we literally choose to come out of agreement with the lies, the sinful
and harmful behaviors and go in a different direction.
So if you were going this way, it's literally saying, I'm not going to keep going that way
anymore.
I'm going to choose to go in the opposite direction.
And not just for short term, not just for good behavior, but I'm choosing to allow God
to heal me, to set me free from the lies and the behavior and these things that are inside
of me that are leading me to go in a direction that is not healthy for me.
And I'm going to go in the opposite direction.
Do y'all want to know how I overcame that dynamic with my spiritual daughter's dad?
I just started saying no, even when it was uncomfortable, even when he treated me bad.
And I didn't allow him anymore to have that control over me.
Because you know what?
I matter.
I mattered the whole time, but I had to choose that I was not going to allow someone else
to devalue me or cheapen me in any way.
Okay.
All right.
So confession is, you know, obviously something that we all need to do.
And I would encourage you to make sure that when you are doing any confessions, that you're
doing it with someone that is safe, that you can trust, but also people that will lovingly
hold you accountable.
When we don't, what we don't confess, what we don't repent for, I want you to understand
we remain tethered to it.
Okay.
So I want you to think about the areas of sin, struggle, or, you know, again, unhealthy
behaviors, mindsets, when we're not confessing those things, we're remaining tethered to
it.
But when we confess, when we repent of that stuff, it breaks that stuff up and it breaks
the hold on us.
James 5.16 says, therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that
you may be healed.
The prayer of a righteous man avails much.
So I've told you a little bit of my story tonight.
I want to kind of draw some parallels real quick.
This is, these are areas that the Lord led me to repent years ago and confess for trying.
These are the things I'm just going to list them off for trying to fill the God shaped
hole in my heart with things that were not good for me, food to come from me, binge watching
too much TV because I felt loneliness and pain, harmful thought patterns that were keeping
me stuck, not keeping boundaries in place regarding sex outside of marriage for letting
my values be lowered to be in a relationship.
But it wasn't even a relationship.
That's the crazy thing.
He was never actually in that relationship with me.
We were coexisting you all, but I just kept being in the relationship, right?
And I went against my values and my morals and because of it, I started hating myself
for blowing past red flags when the Lord was lovingly, constantly, consistently trying
to keep me from things that would hurt me.
Y'all, this is huge.
A lot of us, and we talked about this briefly last week.
I forget who I was coaching, but we got to own our side of the street.
When did we blow past red flags in prior relationships when the Lord was lovingly saying, Hey, don't
keep going.
This isn't healthy for you.
This is not my life for you.
We have to look at these things and be fully honest with ourselves when we are fully honest
with ourselves and with God, that is where true breakthrough can happen.
I'm going to pass it over to Annette and that would love to hear what you have to share
tonight as well.
Thanks, Bethany.
One of the major things that I have struggled with in my life that God really did a work
in me, probably the greatest work in me was during my time in the heart work.
I was raised in a family where I was sexually abused by a family member and a babysitter.
I did talk with my mom about it and I told her and it was just brushed under the carpet.
So that for me was the first time that I told myself what I say doesn't matter.
My voice doesn't matter.
If I tell, if I say something, it's not going to be heard.
I really started, I developed from there a victim mindset and mentality that my voice
wasn't going to be heard.
Anything that bad that could happen probably would happen to me when I would hear people
talk about God and, um, and say, you know, God will protect you.
God cares about you.
God, this, I really had a kind of a, a resentment and an anger.
Like if that's true, then where were you and that I need to take care of myself, uh, because
you know, you say you take care of people, but that hasn't been my experience.
So I need to do it on my own and take care of myself.
Um, kind of like, I'll take it from here, God, cause that didn't go so well.
And so, um, over the years I, it would come out definitely, uh, emotional eating.
I would, um, turn to food rather than to God to comfort me and to strengthen me.
But, um, I would think nothing is ever going to change.
And what really happened to me in relationships is I would take a victim role.
So I would give power to other men that really wasn't theirs, but because I didn't
believe that I had any, then it was, oh, you know, I knew that they would hurt me.
I'm not surprised.
Um, those kinds of things would play in my head and what God really showed me and
healed me from was he wants, like Bethany had said earlier, and that resonated with
me, we fight from a place of victory, not for victory.
And so I'm not a victim.
I am a victor and my victory is in Christ.
And the greatest healing came when I was able to come in alignment with that and
reconcile and have peace that God will work all things for my good.
And I may not understand it, but if, when I just surrender and trust him and stand
on the foundation and the truth of the things that he says about me, it gave me
power in my mind sets to have confidence that was based in him, not what I thought
should happen or how I thought it should be, but that the confidence came from him
and him alone, because even in my first marriage, um, in conversations and things
that would happen, I would, I would take on a victim role.
Like, oh, you know, poor me, or can you believe this?
Or I can't believe that that happened.
And God is really, um, raising me out of that.
And even using my marriage now, um, to bring that to light in where I stand in
victory and I speak truth and power because we are partners, um, we're both
imperfect partners, learning and growing.
Neither one of us are victims.
We have our identity in Christ.
And, um, and so have I arrived yet?
Do I still struggle with it?
Yes, I do.
But the greatest turnaround came when I was doing my homework, um, and heartwork
in phase one, because God really showed me who I am in him.
And it's not a victim coat that I have on, but it's a victory coat that I have on.
And that shifted so much for me and is something that still, like I said, comes
up occasionally, but I identify it, uh, much more quickly and, um, still a work
in progress, but I'm doing, I'm doing the thing and I'm thankful for the opportunity
that he gives me with his grace and mercy every day.
That's so good.
And, uh, thank you for sharing that, um, ladies, this is where we just get real,
you know, um, I think it's really important.
I want to share Kalandra put in the chat and then I'm going to get you
guys ready for breakout session.
It says I passed my red flags because I wanted to keep moving forward to believe
the best, et cetera, desperate to feel different hat had hope it would be okay.
I was in denial, LOL, but I think that first statement is really important.
It's really important for all of us to consider when she said, because I
wanted to keep moving forward, you know, sometimes when God is saying, Hey,
don't go that way and we're just like, God, I just want to keep moving forward.
I just, I saw this one glimmer of whatever it was we saw.
And we want to believe the best in that situation or that person.
And God is wanting to remind all of us tonight, like, no, like go for the good,
good path, the greater way, the healthier way.
All right.
So here's your breakout question tonight.
What do you need to confess? And I want to encourage you to share that with the ladies
in your group. I'm going to try my best to keep you all paired like two people to a room.
When you go in here, ladies, really important, as always, you're not there to coach each other,
advise each other, fix each other. Literally, all I want you to do is listen to each other.
After your sister has shared, I want you to say, thank you so much for trusting me with your story.
And then I want you to share next. And that's how you guys will support each other. You don't need
if somebody cries, you don't got to fix that. This is about creating a safe space for everybody
to be able to receive what God has for you. I see some people dropping off. So I'm gonna
have to recreate these rooms real quick. Hold on one second. I had them ready.
That's why I never get do them in advance.
People get scared and they drop off of the breakouts.
All right, I think we should be ready now. Okay, so when you go in, go ahead, you're going to talk
about what you need to confess. And then we'll come back as a group together. Here you go.
That should be up on your screen for you. Okay.
Go ahead and click to join those as soon as you can.
Angie, I'm going to send you a room here in just a second. It's just pop the screens kind of bumping
around. So I gotta wait for those all. There we go. Okay, there's a room for you to go into.
Awesome. Let's see who else we have here sitting by themselves.
Five. Hi, ladies, coming back. Are you guys jumping back here for a reason or
Okay.
I accidentally got out of the group.
Oh, that's all right. Let me get I'm just looking to see people that are by themselves right now.
Yeah, mine just kept saying, this call is being recorded. And I clicked OK. And then it just kept
saying that over and over again. It was like, I don't know what happened. Okay, give me one second,
Lisa, and I'll get you. No worries. Sorry, okay, she's sitting by herself too. I know you guys are
sitting in here waiting to get a bunch of people drop off even after I pushed for people to go
I'm not sure why that happened tonight so much. People get afraid of confession.
All right, I think I've got Oh, Lisa, you were showing that you were in a room.
Okay, let me bump. It never took me there, though. I'm gonna I'm gonna give you a different one.
I'll just put you in a room with two other ladies. Oh, okay. There you go. Okay, I should be there
for you. Kalandra, where were you bumped out of your room to? Or there was not anybody in there
with you? I see Rosie's not there. Let me send you to different room. Actually, I'll send Maricel
to you. Hold on one second. Room 10. Can you go back in your room? No. Oh, sorry.
So you weren't able to go in that room either, Lisa? No, I've never had this happen. It's weird.
Yeah, I don't know why it's doing that to you. Kalandra, are you able to go back into that room
I already sent you? You should see that. Yeah, there she goes. Okay. Lisa, let me see. I just
sent you there. Sometimes zoom is just funky. There's another one. Let's see if that will work.
If not, log out and come back in.
Thank God, everyone. Okay, Father, thank you so much for everything that you're doing. God,
we just thank you that you would cover any and all tech issues. God, we thank you that you'll help
Lisa to get connected. Is it still popping you right back out, Lisa? Yeah, it just keeps saying
this thing's being recorded. And I say, okay, and then it just keeps saying the same thing. It like
and then come back in and let me see if that'll kind of reset you, okay?
Okay. We just thank you, Lord, for just being in the midst of this. We trust you even with,
you know, what Lisa is going to hear and the timing she'll receive it. God, we thank you that
you're ministering in all of the chat groups right now, that you would help every lady to
be able to be open with... Oh, look, it's showing you two different people. It's really weird.
We thank you that you would just continue to come and speak truth and love to every one of these.
Lord, we thank you that you would help them to hear what you're saying.
Spirit is saying louder than any voice of the enemy,
and that they would see themselves more fully
in their identity in Christ,
that they would see themselves as rooted and grounded,
Father, in your love for them.
We thank you that, Lord, I just kind of keep hearing
about the beard of Aaron.
So Lord, we just ask you to just wash over them
from heaven above with anointing oil,
oil that heals, oil that redeems, oil that restores.
We thank you, God, for bringing your hope
and your truth into every area.
Lisa, we've got three of you now.
I don't know what's going on.
Did you actually log out of the whole meeting?
Oh, you're muted now, I can't hear you.
I just clicked on the tab up above
and just went out that way,
and then I went into the app
and joined the event all over again,
but it just keeps taking me through the same route.
Okay, I don't know what's happening.
I'm so sorry.
I probably am just at this point
gonna keep you here with us and just pray
and so that you can be blessed
instead of feeling frustration.
And then if you want, I would love for you to share
with the group what your confession is, if that's all right.
Okay.
Yeah, I do see my name like two other times.
It looks like I'm in there three times now.
Well, I see you four times on my, well, three times now.
But yeah, so Father, we just thank you
that no matter what, God, that you're in control,
even when tech issues happen,
God, we just trust you in this moment.
Thank you, God, for helping us
to hear what your spirit is saying.
God, I thank you for hope and life and truth
that we would flourish in season and out of season.
God, we thank you that you would help us to continue to,
yeah, Lord, just go through that refiner's fire.
And Lord, the fire isn't to harm us,
it's to transform us, to sanctify us,
to set us apart for your purposes
on this kingdom, in this world.
We just thank you that you're helping us be these vessels
where your kingdom can come from heaven into earth.
And I thank you that you're giving us all an upgrade
in our revelation and our understanding tonight.
We thank you that you would help us
to receive your love in a fresh way.
God, that it would go into all the cracks and crevices
and the foundational areas of our hearts, Lord,
areas that we can't even see that we need your touch, Lord.
We thank you for the balm of Gilead
being a place upon every wound, every struggle,
every sin cycle, Lord.
And we just thank you for revealing areas for healing,
for ministering life and truth and hope in every dead area,
every area, even earlier that I talked about
where there's been this drought,
where it's felt dead and empty.
God, we thank you that just like the widow
that her son was, you know,
basically her and her son were gonna die
because they had no food and they didn't have any money.
And you sent the prophet
and he just said, go collect your jars.
And Lord, that the oil began to fill
as she was collecting the jars.
And God, there was just so much there after she obeyed
and went through that process, Lord.
And we just thank you for the reminder
of your provision in that story, God,
that you love all of us that much.
God, so even when we can't see it right now
or we don't know how you're gonna provide something for us,
God, I thank you that you'll give us the trust
and the ability to just thank you, God,
for what you're doing and to focus on the things
that we do see, the things that we can experience
and partner with that you've already done in us and for us.
God, that we would enter your gates with thanksgiving
and your courts with praise,
that we would lay down and aside every weight
that so easily ensnares us
and that we would press on
toward the high calling of God for our lives
and that we would press into being those people
that think on things that are true, noble,
lovely, of good report,
the things that are above only and not beneath,
that when we, Lord, rise up,
that we would know that we're blessed when we rise up,
that we're blessed when we lie down,
we're blessed when we go out
and we're blessed when we come in.
God, that's who we are.
I thank you that you would help us
to receive a fresh revelation of who we are
as your beloved daughters,
even more tonight in Jesus name.
Kalandra, I'm so sorry.
I had showed that you had someone in there.
It looked like they were talking.
We had some issues with tech tonight, ladies.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know what was going on with Zoom,
but I trust that God will give you everything
that you need no matter what.
Okay, awesome, you did get connected.
That's great.
All right, welcome back, ladies.
I wanna give you your activation for this week real quick.
I don't have any screen share.
This one is simple to explain.
I want you to come into the group.
So in the last year single app in the community tab,
and I want you to create a post
about what God is asking you to confess and repent for
and or repent for whatever it is for you
that you have been struggling with.
So that again you can come out of darkness and into the light so that you can be more healed
And I want you to know that what you share here stays here. Okay ladies really important
I've had some people terrified to share like I don't know if I should say this
I don't even know if I should leave this up in the group
But I hope that those people
it's been some people even in this group and that they know now that they are safe to share and
Ladies when you comment on your sister's posts that are like that
I want you to do the same thing that you did tonight
You don't have to coach you don't have to advise you don't have to counsel
I just want you to say thank you so much for trusting us with your story
I'm praying for you encourage your sisters, but don't feel like you have to fix those and we're gonna all do that for each other
Okay, everyone good on that. All right awesome because here's the thing
The way we create a safe environment is by doing that because as soon as someone feels like everybody in the groups trying to fix
Them that makes them want to just go hide
That's that's typical. Okay, and we don't want that
so the coaches will respond if we feel like we need to nudge you all for more healing or
More victory and freedom than we will but we might just cheer you on and bless you for sharing
It just depends on what the Holy Spirit shows us to do. All right, so that's your that's your activation for this week
Um, Lisa, if you're willing would love to have you share first to kick us off
Lisa had a hard time getting in her room and then yeah, and then Yash can go after her. Go ahead Lisa
Okay. Um, so the first thing that came up for me actually when I was thinking about
this is that I
Okay, so normally
When I'm really stressed out and it tends to be around fear of failure
And so I'm getting ready to launch a business and there's a lot of fear that's been coming up about that
Even though God told me to do it
Normally what I saw myself doing is I would find YouTube videos on
Travel or some, you know interior design or something that I'm interested in and I
Would sit there and watch for I would binge watch basically and so I stopped doing that and I've gotten a lot better
But last night what was really interesting and it's something I'm trying to get to the root of so I kind of wanted to bring
up is that I actually went and did this really fun thing, which was to go watch this firework show and
Near Santa Cruz about a half hour from me and it was so amazing. I came home. I was so excited
I could feel God with me the whole time. So happy I got home and then you know, it's like 10 o'clock at night and
I
Decided to watch a video and I could have easily just gone to bed like I was tired enough
You know, I'm ready to go but I didn't and you guys I stayed up until like 2 30 in the morning
Watching. I think I fell asleep through half this stuff. I don't even know what happened
but
what I was wondering to myself is like
Why was I binge watching when I was so happy?
Normally, I've binge watched when I'm
stressed or fearful
So, I I don't really know what's behind all that the first thing that I thought was like maybe this is self-sabotage
And it's without me realizing it
I don't know because I will say even when I would binge watch from just fear of you know
launching this business is that
It robbed me of my sleep. I didn't feel refreshed in the morning
There's like a lot of negative side effects to that. And so
Anyway, I'm not sure what this is all about, but I just want to thank you all for listening
That's really good. And and this is the thing. I want everyone to understand is they don't always have to be big massive things
It's not wrong for her to watch a travel video. Okay, but where it becomes like a
Hindrance, let's let me use that word when where it becomes a hindrance to us is when it becomes out of balance
where we don't
Like even when we know that we're actually feeling more tired from watching watching watching watching and we should turn it off
We keep doing it. Okay, maybe even sometimes the Lord might be nudging to us to hey
Go read a book or read my word and we're just keep watching, you know
So I I would say here's what came up in my spirit
You went and had this really great time and you had all these like emotions and feelings that were good
And sometimes when we haven't had seasons of that and then we start to have those good feelings
We don't know what to do with them
Mm-hmm, and so we can even at times hide from the good feelings
Okay, so it is a form of self-sabotage
But I would encourage you to ask the Lord if there's ever been another time where you were really happy and you know
You felt that happiness and joy
joy. And then something happened that caused you to feel like you needed to pull back from
that thing. Because here's the thing, it makes me think of my oldest spiritual daughter,
you all. For those that don't know their story, my spiritual daughters came from the relationship
where I dated their dad for six years and I've just kind of adopted them spiritually.
So that's why I call them that. But I have a really good relationship with them. But their
lives have been very like a lot of fragmentation, a lot of brokenness, their parents are both very
unhealthy. And one of the things like, Michaela is her name, one of the things she said this one
time, is she said, I'm not comfortable when like, there's happiness. And that was eye opening for
because they've lived in so much pain, that happiness actually feels awkward. And I'm not
saying you're there, right? Okay, because I think you actually did like the feeling that you were
having. And you could tell God was with you. But then you come home. And even though you were out
and about and you were alone, now you came home and you're alone. Okay. And sometimes in our home
is like, you know, I'm not comfortable with the loneliness factor. And so instead of enjoying
those good feelings and not knowing what to do with them, well, I'll just kind of do the habit
that I tend to do. Right? And so even though you normally only do it when you're stressed,
it's still a habit when there's a flood of emotion. So that's what I'm trying to say to you.
So when there's a flood of emotion, whether it's stress, or good emotion, it sounds like your
habit is to kind of go inward and binge watch TV.
You know what I think's going on, I just realized is that so I live alone. I've been living alone
for the past nine years. I actually I'm I do like my downtime. So that's good. But
what I realized is that my because I work out of my home, I think I have a negative association
with like, oh, this is the place where things are not fun. And so, you know, because I've been going
through this for over a year trying to launch this business, I've had a lot of technical stuff
happen. Some of it is not my fault like that. And some of it is self inflicted, because there's such
a root of fear. And I know exactly what that stems from. It stems from staying back in first grade
and feeling like I'm not good enough, smart enough, that whole thing. So I've been I've
gotten a lot of healing that area, there's more to go, because I do see it still rear its head
towards me. But I think that was what happened was, I think maybe subconsciously, I will check
in with God about this. But I think it was like, I'm back home now, shoot. Yeah, like, you know
what I mean? I do. And so one of the things I want to encourage you or excuse me, or anyone else
this relates to, is to cleanse your space. And so what I mean by that is I want you to go through
your your house, your rooms, and just start blessing them. Because even though you've had
negative experiences there, that is not your forever. Okay. And so I do think there's something
to say about us blessing our spaces. So for example, I shared it this afternoon. Y'all know,
for those of you that have been here for a while know that we've been on this journey of
ridding our home of mold and all the things and there's been tons of construction. Well, we've
been moved back in for a month, and they're still not done. So our house is still in disarray, which
I do not like. It's very overwhelming. And so I find myself checking out too, like when things
are in disarray. But the reason I brought that up is because the reality is, is I get to choose
that it's not going to stay that way. Okay, so I get to choose that even though it looks overwhelming
right now, the reality is, is that we're going to get through this, we're going to reorganize it,
we will get this stuff finished, and I can choose to live in that mindset and those heart postures
versus Oh my gosh, this, there was so much pain here. And I have to be afraid all the time. And
y'all, the reason I can say this is I've had to even deal with that moving back into the house,
like not giving into being afraid that there's mold still here. You know, like there's there's
all these things and we don't realize how the enemy will try to like just keep his fingers in
this stuff. And so I want to encourage you to, you know, even pray about moving your furniture
around. You know, if you feel led, just pray about what God might want you to change around,
maybe he wants you to buy some flowers and bring them in your house to cheer up your space,
you know, really make your space a new place for you because this is a new season.
Okay. All right. I think that'll be really helpful. But do pray into that as well.
and see what else God might want to show you, okay?
Okay, thank you so much, Bethany.
I really appreciate it.
You're welcome.
God bless you.
Yash, go ahead.
Thanks, Bethany.
So I was sharing with beautiful Roseanne.
So what I wanted to confess was about fantasizing.
So I grew up in South Asia,
though I'm in Hong Kong right now for the past six years.
So when I lived in South Asia,
I was brought up, raised in a very strict household.
So I don't know whether y'all have heard
South Asian parents, it's,
I mean, their mode of punishment and discipline
is like, we get beaten.
We had canes in the house, so,
because that's how they were raised as well.
So, and we, at a phase in our lives,
when I was growing up, we struggled financially.
So I, as a kid, I made it a habit of fantasizing
about a bigger life, doing big things.
And I was, I'm an only child as well.
So, I mean, it did help me to achieve a lot of things,
study well, and get a good job.
And God really blessed me with a good job
and blessed me all these years.
And I'm in Hong Kong right now.
But this fantasizing habit kind of bled into other areas
like relationships.
So even when I was just,
when I pray and I break off soul ties of relationships
that I shouldn't have been,
and sometimes I catch myself fantasizing
about the things that in the past,
and also if I have a crush on someone,
I kind of, you know, take over
and kind of like go ahead and fantasize about it.
So I think it's kind of something that I've used
to numb myself or make myself happy,
which I feel very uncomfortable.
And I'm really, really praying to get rid of that habit.
And I can also relate to the binge watching of TV
because I live by myself.
So, I mean, because there's no noise in the house
when I come back from home,
I just put a YouTube or something
because there's noise in the house.
While I do some work or something like that,
the TV is on.
And sometimes I kind of just binge watch till very late
and sleep really late.
So I just want to understand if there's any helpful tips
that I can actually pray and get delivered off.
Yeah, so my question first for you is,
do you not like silence?
Like when there's silence in the house,
what happens in you?
Like, how do you feel?
I feel lonely.
That's a very good question.
Yeah.
So the reason I asked you that is you said,
as soon as I come home, I turn the TV on.
I have another friend that does the same thing
and I understand why people do it.
But here's the reality.
If we always do that,
then we're not really ever getting
to the root of the matter.
And it's that we feel lonely.
And God wants to set us free from that deep loneliness.
I went through very similar things
when I was living by myself.
And literally it was painful at times,
how lonely I would feel.
And I would watch TV,
kind of like what Lisa was saying,
late into the night,
even though I knew I had to work the next day.
And that wasn't even like me, you all.
Like I'm a pretty,
like when I got to get up the next day,
I go to bed.
But like in that season,
I was in just this mode of like,
I don't want to be alone.
I'm alone.
And I don't want like feeling like it's quiet in my place.
And so I was doing some of that behavior
that you're talking about.
But when I really prayed about like,
okay, like this is a problem.
And I'm doing this to mask something
that I'm struggling with.
And the reality is,
is I didn't even really feel like my presence was enough.
Now yours might be different,
but that was something I had to really like think about
and pray about.
And part of that is because I was alone a lot as a kid.
Like even though I had siblings,
I was kind of raised like an only child.
Like my oldest brother was nine years older than me
and he was gone like by the time I was like a certain age.
And even because of when they were hit by the drunk driver,
he was gone even before that,
cause he was in a rehab.
And so I spent a lot of time alone.
And there were a lot of like wounds of abandonment
and neglect and all that kind of stuff.
And we can experience abandonment, you all,
even when our parents are there, okay?
People can have silent parents
and feel deep abandonment and loneliness, okay?
And so we wanna get to the root of the loneliness factor
that's causing us to always to have noise on
because we are.
afraid of, of our own pain, of our own feelings, sometimes even of hearing God, like, there's
just some people that, you know, they're just always doing stuff.
They're always busy, busy, busy, busy, because if they ever slow down, then they have to
actually deal with feelings and things that are coming up.
And so they stay busy to avoid that.
And so I would even say some of the fantasizing and things that are happening, you're, it's
And so I want to encourage you to track those thoughts, okay?
And I want you to pay attention to when you have those thoughts the most, like, is it
when you wake up in the morning?
Is it when you're tired at night?
Is it when you're bored at work, you know, whatever it is, and I'm not saying you're
bored at work, but like tracking when those are happening for you.
And then also, are there any other things that happen, you know, in your life that caused
you to then go into daydream world, okay?
Because sometimes daydreaming, which is what fantasizing is, but it's, it's kind of daydreaming
kind of going into like, no boundaries on it, right?
Sometimes we do that as a form of escaping as children.
Yeah, especially you're saying, you know, and I have heard just from students, I've
learned a lot from coaching students that are, you know, Asian ethnicity, and backgrounds
and things like that.
But I'm hearing you say, okay, we have the Keynes in the house.
This is how they were disciplined.
This is how we were disciplined.
Like, I imagine that was really hard as a kid, you know?
And so when we have these hard circumstances, typically we will create some kind of behavior
to escape.
And so to me, I think that's probably the root of it.
And so asking the Lord to come in and heal some of those times, even if, dare I say,
we did something bad and deserve to have a consequence, I don't know that God's consequence
would be beat kids, okay?
So and a lot of people misinterpret even that scripture and take it out of context.
And a lot of people will do like, you know, that one that spare the rod spill the child,
and they will get their flesh involved is the problem.
Okay?
Paddling a child in love is not a negative thing.
But when people's aggression and their anger is in there, and it's coming through to that
child, then that's a whole different ballgame, right?
And so I think let's ask the Lord about a couple of those things and see where this
might lead you next, because I feel like it's going to connect some dots for you.
And I want to give you a little assignment, okay?
I want you to practice not turning your TV on as much as you can.
Like, it doesn't mean that you can't turn it on at all.
But like, right when you come home, I want you to try to wait for like 15 minutes before
you turn it on.
And let's just try to start building a new habit, where it's not the first thing you
turn to when you walk in the house, but that you start to like experience your presence
in the house.
You have so much goodness in you that you can fill that house.
So even though you are physically alone, your presence can really make that space amazing.
You know, maybe you sing a little.
Maybe you, you know, just really pray or talk to the Lord in that time frame instead of
turning to the TV coming on.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, yeah, really.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, my pleasure.
Awesome.
Thank you for sharing with us, Tatiana.
Hi.
Hey.
First, I want to shout out to Amanda, because she encouraged me to share.
And the thing that was coming up for me today was just like a struggle with intrusive thoughts.
And specifically, like, sexual intrusive thoughts.
And what I was sharing with Amanda is that like, it's, it's been happening for so long
that I kind of have turned off my emotions to it.
So we're like, it won't phase me as much as it did when it first started happening.
Because I would be like, so emotionally distraught at first.
And I would just like, like cry.
I would just cry and I would be so upset.
And I'd be so like, terrified.
And so I feel like, like, I've been able to turn off my emotions to the point where
I can just kind of like pass by it.
But that doesn't stop the fact that like, it's still happening.
When's the first time that happened to you?
It was my freshman year of high school in like August, September, something like that.
Were you exposed to anything different around that time?
Any kids at school expose you to something that you hadn't heard of?
Anything happening at home?
No.
The things that come to mind, I feel like I'm a very, I don't want to say sensitive,
but little things trigger me.
For example, I mainly watch PG and PG-13 movies because I'm just very triggered by little
things.
I don't know, I think since I started, when I got serious about my walk with God, that's
just how I became.
I was very much like, no, no, no, I'm going to shelter myself, I guess.
There was one time I was on this party bus that I didn't want to be on it, but long story
short, I ended up on there.
The whole time I was just so upset.
The music was just very sexually explicit.
I remember just being so scared because I was like, man, now this stuff is going to
be in my head.
So that came to mind.
Okay, so have you ever done a forgiveness prayer sheet to forgive yourself for getting
on that bus or being on that bus?
No.
I would do that because it sounds like that really impacted you.
One of the things I want to say first and foremost is that sexually intrusive thoughts
are not your fault.
It sounds like the enemy is attacking you with these things, Tatiana.
One of the things I think it's important for you to also recognize is it sounds like you
are an empath and you're not being too sensitive.
I think this is actually like you have discernment.
I think that you have a high feeler gift and those are gifts that will serve you in the
days ahead.
And I just want you to not be afraid of that or feel any kind of guilt or feel silly about
it.
I think it's great that you're protecting what's coming into your eye gate and ear gate
and that you're being kind of really careful about that.
I think that that is God's wisdom in you at a very young age and so I want to honor that
in you and help you to see really how awesome that is.
And so what's happening is the enemy is trying to assault your mind and cause you to feel
shame and guilt and condemnation, but he's the one doing it.
This isn't like you thinking these thoughts.
I really just don't believe it is.
But here's the other thing I want you just to pray about.
Because you are an empath, even if you're not the one doing things, if there is stuff
in your home or maybe even people that you have been around, I don't want you to get
fearful, but I just want you to understand that this is how it can happen sometimes.
And not that this is happening, but let's say someone in your home watched something
they shouldn't.
Okay, I'll just leave it at that.
That can open a door in the home and you live in that home.
I don't want you to get suspicious, but I just want you to pray about it and ask the
Lord to show you if there's any other things other than this bus situation that God would
reveal that to you.
But I also want you to just be praying and blessing like your sleep, like praying and
thanking God for Salem rest that he'll send his angels to guard and keep watch over you
while you sleep, you know, that he would protect your mind from the onslaught of the enemy.
Because again, it just sounds like that's the way the enemy is trying to wear you down.
Because then I kind of as you were talking, I can hear that shame and that that stuff
coming out because it sounds like this has been happening for a long time.
But I don't want you to numb out and avoid it because we need to face it head on.
Okay, and I want to encourage you, I used to have the same thing happen.
Now, mine came because the door was opened when I was younger from the abuse I went
through. Okay, so my situation is different, but I was also shown pornographic stuff by
my brothers when I was little, so I had a lot of stuff in my mind that was stored in
my soul and stuff that needed, you know, cleansed out.
But the reason I'm sharing that with you is even though my backstory is different than
yours, God set me free from that stuff.
And so I want you to know that he will set you free, too.
But I had to face it and I had to stand up against the devil and declare, you know, that
he could not have my mind and that, you know, putting on the armor of God, you all
putting on the helmet of salvation.
Guess what? That's.
to protect our mind.
And it's important for us to, you know,
put the armor of God on every day.
Y'all, I'm not saying I do it every single day,
but I do it almost every single day.
I put on the armor of God over myself and my family.
I pray for every one of my family members
for that armor to be on us.
And I really think that that,
and I started that long ago, long, long, long time ago.
And I really do think that that makes a difference.
But praying for God's blessing over your mind
and that Salem rest, if he's,
is the enemy tending to attack your mind
when you're sleeping or daytime the most or both?
I feel like it kind of has calmed down right now,
but when it was happening, it was like,
it was pretty random.
A lot of times it would be like
when I was about to go to sleep
and it would get so mad because
it would just like be triggered by like anything.
And so yeah, sleep was one,
but then also like whenever I was trying to concentrate,
like if I was doing schoolwork or anything,
even if I was hanging out with somebody,
like there was a point where it was just like all the time.
And like, I felt like I couldn't exist.
But I do want to say like now that you mentioned
kind of like doors being open in the past,
like I have been through situations where
like I was like sexually harassed.
And so like, I can see that being a door,
but then like another thing that comes to mind
was when I was in middle school,
I had a teacher who like,
I'm pretty sure he was a pedophile.
And like, I was like,
and like, I hated being in his class so much.
And I did a forgiveness prayer for him,
but like, I just remember like the feeling of
like reaching out to other like authority in the school
and like talking to people about like,
hey, like nobody feels comfortable in this guy's class.
And like, just like not,
like nobody believed us.
Because there was like a couple of girls
that had like come up to me and told me things.
And so like, I just remember like,
like feeling fear around that.
And then I think too,
whenever like I was sexually harassed,
it was like, it happened multiple times
by like different people.
But like, I literally started changing the way
that I dress because I was,
what you were talking about earlier,
like just scared of attention.
And like, even in high school,
like I didn't even start wearing makeup
until like my senior year.
But also like you said earlier,
it was like, I don't like the attention,
but then at the same time, like I do.
And it's just, I don't know,
but that came to mind as well.
I think these are very important aspects
of what was going on there, 100%.
But in addition, even though these were all
kind of sexually charged things, if you will,
the root is the fear.
Okay, and so I wanna encourage you,
now you've already done a forgiveness prayer sheet
regarding that teacher.
I would encourage you to do a forgiveness prayer sheet
for anybody that ever sexually harassed you,
but also pray for the Lord to reveal
the first time you felt that same kind of fear, okay?
So the fear that you felt in that class
and when they did not believe you,
which I'm really sorry that they didn't believe
what you all were saying.
I've been through that before.
It's really, really hard.
I'm sorry that that happened to you.
But the fear, I think, is the root.
The fear is the open door that's still kind of open.
And so even if sometimes you have fear
of that happening again, I want you to really try
to track that stuff and rein that in,
because no matter what, I want you to remember
that God is your defender and he's your protector
and he's gonna help you no matter what you face in life.
And then, yeah, I would forgive the people
that didn't believe you regarding the teacher
that you were uncomfortable with too, okay?
So we're gonna just try to kind of do a cleanse
from those situations.
And I'm so glad to hear it's not happening as much,
but I feel like the more that you get some distance
from that stuff and deal with the fear that you felt,
remember, fear has to do with torment.
Perfect love casts out fear.
So really meditating on how rooted and grounded you are
and can be in the love of the Father,
that the more love you receive from him,
the more that's gonna push all that other fear
and those unhealthy thoughts out.
It's like filling, if you all can picture a glass, if I had a clear glass, I have this
glass, but if I had a pitcher, imagine that this glass is empty and I had a pitcher of
water and I, well, okay, let me, the glass is empty, but it's got some dirt in it.
Okay.
So the dirt is the unhealthy thoughts, the intrusive thoughts, whether they're our own
or the enemy's assaulting us.
And I'm pouring this pitcher of water.
Well, the more that I pour that water in, it's going to start to, the water's going
to look muddy at first, but I just keep pouring in clean water while eventually it will push
that mud all the way out.
All that dirt will eventually be gone if I keep pouring water in.
And if y'all need to see this visual, just to kind of, as a reminder of the infilling
of the Holy Spirit, when we continue to be filled with the Holy Spirit, filled with the
truth of the love of the Father and everything good that God is, it will push that stuff
out more and more and more.
And that is a good example of also red, the crimson red, the sin in our lives being made
white as snow.
God can literally cleanse us from everything.
Tatiana, thank you for your courage and sharing.
Appreciate you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Is it Maricela?
I'm not sure if I'm saying that right.
Yes, it's Maricela.
All right.
Awesome.
We'd love to hear what you have to say.
So I guess for me, this is my second week and a lot of things came up this week.
And I think mainly like not feeling enough and feeling very anxious and like expecting
something to change because since I was a child, like there's been tragedy after tragedy.
And I felt like I lived a life that is very chaotic.
So I noticed that my emotions can go from very, very high emotions to very low emotions
very often.
And I've had a lot of relationships that were also a lot of things went really bad.
And the only relationship that I did have that was good, I pushed it away and I sabotaged
it.
So just really learning how to trust myself and others, men and women, because I haven't
really been able to find healthy relationships in any form.
Yeah.
So when do you feel like when you start to feel anxious, what is like, what's a thought
that you're having when the anxiousness comes on you?
I feel like mainly is I want to feel connected to someone and understood and heard and just
not feel so lonely.
Okay, so when's the first time you felt lonely, like, like, far back as far back as you can
remember, and it's okay if you can't go all the way back tonight, but as far back as you
can remember, when's the first time you felt lonely?
So I was raised with four brothers and they just never, never accepted me.
They were bullies.
And I did experience sexual harassment from them as well.
I just always felt left out when it came to them and like even my parents.
Do you remember?
Thank you for sharing that.
Do you remember an incident in particular, though, like the first time you can remember
like you're saying your brothers, you felt left out with them?
Like, when's the first time you felt left out by either your brothers or your parents?
When my mom and my dad were splitting up, she got my stuff that really fast and I was
called ignored by her because she was giving him all the attention.
And then my dad was going through a mental, he suffered from schizophrenia.
So he was the only person that I was really close to.
And then I felt protected by even though he was not the best with my mom and my brothers.
And when they broke up and she was showing all this attention to my stepdad and not us,
I kind of was having suicidal thoughts.
And my little brother walked in the room and I was crying to him and like telling him because
I kind of needed somebody to be there for me.
And then he went and he told my mom and I don't know if he did it with good intentions
or not, but after that, they just kind of made fun of me.
They didn't take it serious and I felt horrible.
I felt like I was never seen or accepted.
And I don't know, I just, I was always scared too.
go through with it, but that was the time that I really felt neglected by my mom.
Okay. Well, I will say, I'm really glad that your little brother told even, even though
that was hard and you didn't feel like heard or that they believed you or whatever, because
he might have prevented something worse happening in your life at that time. I really want to
kind of, even though your brothers came up first, I actually think your mom in that situation
is the bigger, bigger struggle because mom didn't seem to choose you. You felt close
to dad, but he had mental health problems and they were splitting up and all the things.
And so I want to encourage you. So the forgiveness prayer sheets are in the welcome area. And
then you also can find that under week four, even if you're not in week four, but you can
just find it in that welcome area. But I want to encourage you to forgive your mom
for meeting your stepdad really fast and paying more attention to him than to you. And let's
just start that process with healing with your mom. I want to encourage you to, as you
feel led also do them for your brothers. It sounds like there's probably a lot of different
scenarios that you're going to have to forgive them for. And so ladies, when you do forgiveness
prayer sheets, I don't necessarily want you to do them in general. So what I mean by that
is that you wouldn't just say, Lord, you know, on your forgiveness prayer sheet, I forgive
my brothers for, you know, sexually harassing me. I'm just going to base that off of what
she said. You're going to actually say, you know, for what they did that caused you to
feel sexually harassed. Okay. What they said, what they did, because that's where you're
forgiving them of the full kind of crime, if you will, the full offense. And it's important
for us to write those things out so that we can actually let those items in the, like,
start working on letting those things go. It doesn't mean that we forget that they happened.
It means that we're choosing to forgive because we've been forgiven. And so that those are
the first steps I would take, Maricela, because there, it sounds like there's probably a lot
to unpack here. And I don't want you to start to feel overwhelmed. But I do believe that
God wants to show you his love in a fresh way. I want, I believe he wants to show you
what true and genuine love looks like in the days ahead and all the things that you've been through.
I know it might not seem like it now, but genuinely God can turn your whole life around
and you can have a family that you love and treat differently than the, than the way that
you were raised in the way that you were treated. And I don't know if that gives you all hope,
any of you all, but that gave me hope years ago when I started thinking about the fact
that I could be that change agent. Like, even though it's sad and hard when we don't
have family the way that we hoped or things don't, you know, go the way that we wanted,
God can do awesome things in us and through us. So Maricela, thank you for sharing and
trusting us with your story. Appreciate that. And we're going to be praying for you as well.
I do want to say, I will let Catherine and Margaret go. I won't be able to take anybody
else after them, but I do want to go ahead and say for anyone that needs to jump off,
God bless you. I'm so glad that you are here tonight. And ladies, I know confession week
is a tough week. Okay. I don't want you to check out though. Okay. Stay in the game.
Remember, take one step every day in your heart healing process. God wants to see you
all the way through and he's going to help you take one step at a time. Okay. So stay
in the game. And I really want to encourage you to come into the group and post about
your confession so that we can love on you and support you in that. All right, Catherine
Clark, go ahead.
Okay, um, for me, like I'm noticing, um, I'm really, really, really, really, really
struggling with anxiety and fear. And like, I mean, I guess even making an idol out of
the Wingo V medications, like I am convinced that I cannot lose weight without this medication
at all. Um, I had health insurance that was health first at one point, got a job with
the benefits. That's what I wanted. I didn't want to have to depend on governmental insurance
with all the cuts. And that new insurance is giving me such a
part-time continuing to cover this medication like my previous insurance was.
And I am terrified that all the weight and everything that I had lost from July 7th on
is going to just be completely destroyed.
And I am terrified of being back in the 200s.
And it's not even just I hated the way I look.
I couldn't keep up with my seven-year-old son.
I couldn't even keep up with his peers when I used to work with them.
I work with high school now.
And just all of that.
That's like such a big one.
And another one is really struggling to forgive my mom and my stepdad for I felt like kicking
me out to the streets.
I left Long Island to move upstate New York a huge reason.
I felt like they didn't care.
I felt like my dad and stepmom upstate does.
They would never leave me without.
And I have been noticing I've been noticing this over the weekend and everything that
my relationship with them is extremely, extremely strained that I'm always thinking they're
mad at me.
They hate me.
I'm the black sheep in the family.
My brother's their favorite.
I'm always thinking those things.
So it's really both of those things that are going on.
All right.
So I'm going to I'm the biggest thing on the fear of regaining weight is is really
getting a hold of those fearful thoughts and doing the best that you can to redirect those
and that no matter what that God can help you in the process.
I know that's not going to make everything feel better than that.
But that's I mean, I think the first thing is you just got to see what happens with the
insurance right now.
You don't know what's going to happen for sure.
And so the anxiety comes into play with a bunch of what if thoughts?
What if this?
What if that?
And so let's just take it one day at a time and get remember, catch our thoughts quickly,
ladies, and cast them down.
And she's rather to believe what God's word says.
But on the thing with your mom and stepdad, the thoughts that you're having, they are
mad at me.
They hate me.
They like my brother brother better.
All of those things go back to identity.
Okay, and believing lies that the enemy is feeding you no matter what, like, even if
let's just say even if your parents don't have the best relationship with you, you don't
have to partner with thoughts like that.
That's just the enemy filling your mind with thoughts that are below.
You know, the scripture, I don't know if you heard when you guys were coming back from
the breakout, you know, to think on things that are true, noble, lovely of good report,
things that are above only and not beneath.
So those are the kind of thoughts that are beneath like the beneath kind of thoughts.
And so I want to encourage you to when you have those thoughts, again, stop those thoughts.
Not today, devil.
Not today.
I used to do that all the time just to help myself literally like, okay, I'm not going
to receive that today.
I'm not going to partner with that today.
And I would just put my hands up and literally tell him like a stop sign.
Like, you don't have entrance into my mind today.
And I would shift and partner with other things that, you know, he was saying over me instead.
And so I want to encourage you to really catch those thoughts.
And also, I can't remember if you've done a forgiveness prayer sheet about your mom
and stepdad kicking you out or not.
But if you haven't, I would recommend doing that so that you can start to like move on.
And when I hear things like I'm struggling to forgive them, that is real.
We all struggle to forgive people at times.
But remember, we're not allowing our feelings to dictate our life, okay?
Forgiving people is a choice that we make.
So Catherine, you can choose to forgive even when you don't feel like it.
Okay.
And so really taking your power back and standing in your ability that God has given you,
and he's enabling all of us to forgive the people that have harmed us.
It doesn't mean we have to be buddy-buddy with them and be super close, okay?
It doesn't mean we have to let these offenders back into our lives, if you will.
But he does want us and like literally calls us to forgiveness.
Like, we're in disobedience when we don't forgive.
And so I want to encourage you to step into that and receive everything God has for you, okay?
I can't tell if she's frozen, maybe.
Yeah, I think something went frozen.
Okay.
I think it's working.
All right.
I'm going to go ahead and...
Go to Margaret, I might have to have you come back and catch. Oh, I think we lost her. All right, Margaret, go ahead.
Hi, thank you. I.
Was struck by things that others said, because this was my confession to, and I just regarding numbing and scrolling and spending extra time on.
Videos, they are fine videos, like, there's not their news or news items.
And so I, I.
I'm aware of this, and there are times when I just think, well, this won't matter. This doesn't matter. Right? There's little things. That's a lot. I know that's not true, but I, it's.
Maybe it's just because it's such a habit. It's hard for me to overcome that. I do live alone. I've lived alone for many, many years. I've never.
Been in a serious relationship, and I.
Made choices when I came up against.
Issues in my maybe thirties.
Or even forties to, um.
To turn and not deal with them. Right? So I know that I made those choices and I'm like, oh, my goodness. This is my fault.
You know, and so there's that and also my family.
Does this my all my mom, my dad, my brother, everyone.
Does this in terms of avoiding with.
Information or videos, or, you know, whatever things like that just so that's it's in the family.
And I.
Um, I heard you say to someone else to experience my presence.
The presence in the house, and that reminded me of when someone said to me, you know, in a prayer line, like, you know, you have mass, you know, like, you take up space, like, you have mass and I don't I tend to not believe that.
And so I'm just kind of throwing these things out there because I, I relate with these things and.
Um, I, I hope to have some hope I have fewer years ahead of me than I have behind me.
So, sometimes it feels like it's not worth it, but I know I know that's not true, but I get stuck in in it.
Yeah, it's never too late. Okay. You're still here.
So, God can absolutely bring your spirit may we have women getting married in their seventies and eighties ladies. Okay. So.
Um, God's not finished and he's working. It sounds like he's really, you know, doing some really good connections, even in what you're sharing tonight, you know, just the reality that you went through a prayer line and someone was like, you have mass, like you, like, you matter.
Like, you, you create something, you know, God put us all here for a purpose.
Um, and so the question I have a couple of things I want to encourage you to forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you made in your thirties.
You mentioned that, and that seems kind of like a big hangup. Okay. Um, you can't go back and change that, unfortunately, but you can forgive yourself and allow yourself to now just fully move forward in today.
Because if you keep looking back, like I ruined this, I, I'm not saying you think that, but just, you know, these thoughts that we think, like, I made this big mistake and now I missed out on all this stuff.
And like, we kind of go down that lane over and over and over again.
Well, the enemy wants that.
It's like a hamster in a hamster wheel.
We just keep going in the wheel.
We keep going in the wheel.
But when we forgive ourselves, we actually are taking the hamster out of the wheel, so to speak.
Okay.
And we're allowing God to come in and bring truth.
Yeah.
I think that's a good point.
And the fact that you recognize that the TV thing is family generational.
It also made me think about the fact that my mom, like most of my life, fell asleep watching TV almost every night for hours.
Okay.
Um, and she worked a lot.
My mom, my mom worked hard as a single mom.
So I don't fault her for falling asleep.
But it is something I saw her do a lot.
So that's a habit, a behavior that I saw as a young child into my teen years.
And so we do pick up on this stuff.
Okay.
Um, so that stood out to me.
And then also on the, you have mass, um, I want to encourage you, um, to really ask yourself if you like yourself.
Um, and I talk about that a lot.
Like we are taught in church to love ourselves, love other people, but a lot of times we don't like ourselves.
And the reason I'm, I'm, I'm like saying that to you is because typically when we start to like ourselves, we actually start to realize.
that we bring something to the room.
But when we don't like ourselves,
we tend to feel like it doesn't even matter if I'm here.
Like I could be gone tomorrow
and nobody would probably even care.
Or things like that,
like where we just don't even know that our existence
has like all this amazing, wonderful power
and awesomeness in it.
And that God literally put the God colors
of the world in you.
And it's a lot of times, if we don't believe that,
then we show up differently even by ourselves.
So then we also show up differently in relationship.
And so I want you to just be praying into that,
like asking the Lord, if you feel like, you know what?
I don't know if I do.
Or I don't know if I'm that exciting or wonderful
or whatever at the root of that
is that you just don't think there's much value to you,
which means that we don't like ourselves.
That you would then ask the Lord to show you the first time
that you didn't like yourself.
You didn't like whether it was the way you looked,
the way you sounded, the way that you laughed.
It could be something that you did and somebody made fun,
you know, like just really asking him
the first time that you started
really devaluing who you are as a whole.
Does that make sense?
It does.
This goes back, I just think it's very generational.
And so I don't know, I mean, I've done a lot of,
I don't know that there's a first time
I think it came in very young.
When I was in kindergarten, I was afraid of my grades.
Like I had no value.
And when I was in school, I had no value
apart from my grades, which were very good.
So I was able to do that for a long time.
But that's the only place I had any value.
And it started right away, my mom told me.
So you just, so as a child,
without anybody saying anything to you,
this is just what you thought,
that's what your mom told you?
Okay.
She noted that like, I was so anxious in kindergarten
about the, you know, about the grades.
She told me that.
Is this something that your parents also struggled with?
Did that ever come up?
I think that there was just minimal relational capacity
in the family, in my mom and my dad.
There was minimal emotional maturity.
And so my dad was very smart,
is and you know, was very smart.
But I don't know that he tried to,
I don't know that he was reflective about it
to try to get out of it.
Did you, I can't recall, I'm so sorry.
Did you already do the silhouette activation from last week?
Or-
I had to miss the last two weeks, so I haven't.
Okay.
I would love for you to go and listen to the replay
from two weeks ago,
because last week was Roots and Fruits.
So two weeks ago was the silhouette week.
It's all about the real you.
And then the activation,
I think is gonna really help you, Margaret.
Because when you say to me,
the only place I brought value was my grades.
Man, I'm like, I want you to invite Jesus back
into when you were a little girl
and ask him what he has to say about you.
Because from day one,
it sounds like this was an internal belief,
an inherited belief.
But he wants to not go only into your belief system.
He wants to go into your family line.
Like he can literally go in and out of our family line
like this whenever he wants.
But we need to start with you first, okay?
So we need Jesus to show you,
and God and the Holy Spirit to show you
how do they think about you?
What do they want you to know?
And I would encourage you to,
I mean, you can do it at your current age,
but I would love for you to start
at the point that you were the little girl
and ask the Lord to give you a vision
of how he saw you then.
And then you can kind of come real time now,
present time, if you will.
But we need to get to the core of when this started for you.
And it sounds like it just felt like it was always there.
Did you ever go through counseling or anything
when you were little for this?
Not when I was little.
I mean, well, I mean, I had kind of a breakdown
when I was in eighth grade
and my parents sent me to counseling.
The feedback that they gave was you can't get,
she's very, I was very out of touch with myself.
Like I had no, I wasn't in touch with myself.
And so-
Were you the only child?
No.
Oh, but it was like, I mean, no, I had, I have a sibling, but if I were to describe my family, once I had to describe it, it was like, everybody is standing in their own corner facing the corner.
That's everybody was in their own world, except my mom was in the middle, trying to get everybody to come to her.
Okay, so that's, but I just think they, and that.
I mean, this is, this is bigger, but they just didn't have, they didn't have capacity. And so my, my realization of that caused me to think I should have never been born because they should have never gotten married because, um, they, when they didn't have the ability to do, to do marriage, you know, but then they chose it, like, they stuck with it, but.
Yeah. Okay. So we want to make sure that you reject that lie. I should have never been born.
Yeah. Yeah. That's a deep one. I mean, it came to me very quickly, very, but I tried to, but I will keep, I think it could still be sitting there.
Yeah, it sounds, I mean, you wouldn't have, it wouldn't have come up tonight if it's not still sitting there. Okay. So remember, though, we have to come out of agreement, like, literally, I want you to put up on like a post-it note on your mirror. And this is something I want you to pray daily right now.
I come out of the agreement with the lie that I should have never been born. God, I, I come into agreement with the truth that God, you celebrated the day that you formed me. You've, you fearfully and have wonderfully made me and God, I thank you that I'm here.
Like where you start partnering with life in living, because I think the reason that you were out of touch with yourself is that something at some point when you were little, and again, you could have been born with this. Okay. That doesn't mean that's the way God created you, though. I want to make sure there's a separation there. God did not create you to be like separated from yourself. Something happened that caused that.
Yeah, I think, I think there was just a lot of yelling and a lot of, I mean, my earliest memory is yelling people, you know, when I was maybe three being yelled at and feeling very insecure and crying in the home. Okay. So it's not your typical physical or sexual, but it, um,
that's still very significant.
Very traumatic. Yeah.
Yeah. And here's ladies and not that you were, you know, minimizing, but this is where it is really important. Like, it doesn't always have to be sexual abuse and overt, like, you know, physical, like, you know, hurting a child, but it literally yelling is traumatic. And it's scary for children. And that isn't the way that God created us to grow up. If you think about it, he put Adam and Eve in a garden. It was full of life.
And peace. I mean, think about when you go into the woods, how peaceful we feel. That's where God put Adam and Eve. So we were never meant to live with all this chaos and trauma and, you know, and all the things. And so it's very normal for a young child to be in an environment like that and start to shut down. Okay. But praise the Lord that you can come alive and awake, even now in ways that you
haven't your entire life, Margaret, I believe that you're here for a reason, you know, Esther four 14 says, you know, that for such a time as this, and I believe God wants to change the whole trajectory of your future.
Um, and so I want to encourage you to go ahead and, like I said, forgive yourself for that time you were in your thirties and, um, listen to that replay from two weeks ago and work on that silhouette.
Okay. That silhouette to me is more important than you doing a confession post this week.
Okay. Okay. Thank you.
You're welcome. Well, we had a great night ladies. Uh, Ada, I see your hand, but I, I mentioned that I was just going to end with Margaret. And so please put your question or, or your share in the group for me.
Um, I do want to close this down for the night father. Thank you so much for everything that you've done tonight.
God, I thank you for all the revealings for healing that have happened that are going to happen. God. I thank you that you're redeeming your daughters. You're setting us free.
God, you're transforming us from the inside out. We ask for a fresh infilling of the Holy spirit, God, that you would come.
And permeate your light into every dark area, God, that you would help us to not partner with fear because fear has to do with torment. God, we thank you that you've given us a spirit of love and of power and of a sound mind.
God, I thank you that as the ladies go to sleep tonight, God, that you would guard and keep watch over them.
God, that you would, um, just give them sail arrest. And we thank you, God, that you're the.
great physician that nothing is too hard for you. We thank you
for supernatural surgeries happening in the spirit realm
tonight and in the days to come. We thank you for freedom and
truth and that you are the bondage breaker Jesus and that
you've come to set us all free. And we thank you in advance for
that in Jesus name. Amen. God bless you all. I'll see you in
the group. Have a good rest of your night, everyone. Bye bye.
Bye.