WEBVTT

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Hi ladies, good evening, welcome to our 8 p.m. heartwork session.

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It's another Monday, excited for what God's going to do tonight.

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My name is Bethany Cooper, I'm one of the master heartwork coaches here in the community.

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We also have one of our peer coaches, Annette Lewis, here with us again tonight, so glad

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to have her with us as well.

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I am also just going to say hey to all of our new ladies, so if you're new, you're joining

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us, this is your first live session you've ever been to.

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Would love to have you put that in the chat for us so that we can acknowledge you and

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welcome you.

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For all of my ladies that have been here before, that have come back, welcome back.

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I'm so glad to have you here with us.

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I've been praying for you all this afternoon and just even yesterday leading into today

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that God would help you come expecting to receive everything that he has for you.

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So I just want to encourage you before we even go into announcements that maybe that's

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where you would posture your heart as well.

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God, I believe and expect that you're going to do something in my heart and life tonight

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to create more breakthrough, to create more transformation, to help me hear one thing,

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one dot gets connected, whatever that looks like for you, and that tonight would be a

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good way for a long time.

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So on that note, a couple housekeeping items for you, best practices.

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This is for a reminder for everyone, but also for our new ladies if you did not know this.

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One of the things that we ask you to do while you're in the heart work is to press pause

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on dating, on trying to meet guys, having friends introduce you to guys, all of that

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kind of stuff because it's really important for you to dial into your heart work and get

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into the core of what's been holding you back before.

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And what we have found is a lot of times the enemy will try to bring people into your all's

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lives while you're in the heart work and the fears that rise up when we ask you to press

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pause on dating is what if I miss out on this awesome guy I just met?

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Well, number one, I don't believe and we don't believe in this community that you can miss

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out on your spirit mate, all right?

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And so we want to encourage you to partner with trusting the Lord in the process.

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God led you here and he wants you to work on your heart work.

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And so you can say to that person, Hey, you know, I really enjoyed meeting you.

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I want to let you know I'm doing something really important in this season.

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I'm investing in my heart work.

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And you know, if you're open to it, I would love to circle back with you when I'm finished

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with that.

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A healthy man, I'm going to tell you what, he's going to love that.

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He's going to love that you're investing in your heart healing.

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He's going to honor that.

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And ladies, guess what?

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He's not going to be one of those guys messaging you trying to sideline you and pull you away

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from that.

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He's going to honor you.

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He's going to honor that process.

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And how do I know that?

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Because I'm married to one of those people.

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Okay, so they exist.

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And there's not just one there's there's a bunch of men out there, whether you believe

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that or not yet.

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There are a lot of great men out there who actually care about their heart healing as

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well and will honor your process.

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The other thing I wanted to just bring a little mention to is inside the last year single

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app is the announcements tab.

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If you did not know, anytime I pin a post or if there's something we're wanting you

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to know when we pin it, it will be right there in that super easy for you to see.

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And so if you're ever wondering like what's going on in the community, what are my activations

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for the week?

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Maybe you weren't able to join live.

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Maybe you didn't hear it mentioned in the in the live or the replay, then you can go

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right to that announcements tab and you will see that there.

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I'm going to go ahead and pass it over to Annette for a few other housekeeping items

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and then she's going to pray us in for the night.

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All right.

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Hello.

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Hi, ladies.

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So good to be here with you again tonight.

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Welcome to everyone.

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And if you're new, we especially give you a warm welcome.

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Want to remind everyone about Supernatural Saturday.

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Such a great time, such a great time and a great boost to your Saturday to kick the week

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off or kick the weekend off.

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It's time that is well spent and well invested.

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This last week was having done all stand and it really blessed me.

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I was a couple of minutes late, but jumped on and I'm always I just some days when I

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think because it's 7 a.m. here my time and I think maybe I'll just stay in bed and sleep

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a little bit longer.

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But when I think, no, I'm at least going to turn it on and tune in and listen.

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I am always so thankful that I did because God always has something for me that he just

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specifically points out to me.

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And I'm blessed by the time.

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And we would love to have you there if you're not able to be there, then certainly listen

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to the replays.

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That's one of the good things about the community is that often we have things available on

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replay.

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So you're not going to miss out.

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You still have an opportunity to listen.

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So.

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Um, next thing when you're doing your heartwork and your heart healing journey, have some

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fun.

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It's so intense and it's so heavy and emotional.

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We want you to get rest, but the other thing we really encourage you to do is have some

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fun, build some time in for fun, something that you enjoy doing.

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Laughter is good medicine.

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It truly is.

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And so we want you to heck, if you do something and your tummy muscles hurt because you've

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laughed so hard, tell us about it.

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We want to hear it, that that would be a good thing.

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Something that we'd like to hear.

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Um, and so also another verse, Proverbs 17, 22, a cheerful heart is good medicine, but

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a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

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God wants you to be encouraged in this time.

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He's there with you to lead you and to guide you, and he knows it's hard work, but he wants

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to build in fun along the way.

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It's not all intense and you know, hard work.

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We want you to have a balance and to be able to enjoy things as well.

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So be sure to take time to do that and laugh and giggle and let us know what tickles your

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funny bone for the week and how we can laugh with you.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Now we're going to pray so we can get started.

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Dear heavenly father, thank you for the blessing and the privilege to be here tonight to gather

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and to just be prepared to have our hearts prepared and be in a posture where we are

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expecting you to show us even just small nuggets of truth of blessings or hugs from heaven

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as I've called them before God that you have specifically for us because you are so intimately

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and intricately acquainted with each one of us and you know, just what we need.

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So meet us all in this time, continue to grow us and heal us and help us to walk in the

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authentic selves that you've created us to be for the purposes and plans.

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I pray that you would be with Bethany tonight as she shares her wisdom and experiences,

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but as well as your truth over all of us tonight, may your spirit permeate this time in your

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name.

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I pray.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Amen.

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Thank you so much, Annette.

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Again, for all those that have been logging in since we started, welcome to you.

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We're so glad that you're here joining us.

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One of the things I wanted to mention from this supernatural Saturday that I believe

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totally will tie in to where we're going tonight is when, I love the whole thing, but when

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Jackie said, God said the supply lines are open, the supply lines are open.

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And so I want you to be thinking about that.

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Even as I was talking earlier about the expectancy, like, did you come in expecting to receive

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something from the Lord?

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And do you believe that the supply line between heaven and earth in your life, that those

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are open?

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If you don't, you believe those are kinked or closed off, then I would encourage you

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to pray into that and ask the Lord for revealing for healing.

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When is the first time you believed that his blessings cannot flow into your life?

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And also this afternoon, I wrote this down on my paper and I forgot to say it, and the

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Lord brought it back to my attention tonight.

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There's this song, and I can't remember which one it is, but it's when I believe Kim Walker

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Smith is singing in it, and she just starts singing about the drought is ending.

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And I want to declare that over you tonight, that the drought is ending.

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The times where you feel like you've been in the wilderness, it's been really dry.

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You don't see anything new in sight.

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You're not even sure if God's blessings are going to come to fulfillment in your life.

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Whatever it is negative that you have been believing, where things have felt dead, dried

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up, just uncertain, any of those kinds of things, God is saying over you tonight that

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the drought is ending.

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But a part of filling our lives with fresh water, fresh healing, fresh life, is partnering

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with confession and repentance, ladies.

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Okay?

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So this is where we're going tonight.

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We got to clean the pipes out.

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I was just saying to this group of leaders in our church the other day, I have this picture

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because I have some men in that room, and I was trying to think, how can I connect with

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the men?

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But I'm going to use this as an example tonight as well, because it's coming up in my spirit.

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So I'm just going to say it.

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But I was talking about clogged pipes and how sometimes our heart, you know, I've got

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years ago, I got this picture for myself, like there was a lot of red, there was a lot

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of flesh in my heart, but then there was this part where I could just see this black sludge.

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And it wasn't that I wanted that there, but the reality is, is that the things that had

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not been healed.

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The areas where I wasn't valuing myself and living up to the fullness of God's potential for me the areas where I needed to repent

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And confess and come out of alignment with some things that was causing that sludge area if you will in my heart

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And so I connected on Saturday to the likened it to with you know, when we have a house

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You know just imagine the pipes in your house getting just backed up with sludge

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Like and the water flow just it just can't flow right you got to have somebody come in and clean that stuff all out

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So that the pipes run the way they're supposed to run now if your pipes were backed up in your house

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Would you just leave it that way most likely not right? So why?

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Do we tend to leave our heart full of sludge?

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Because it's hard to process things well, maybe

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Or is it just that sometimes?

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The things that we don't see are kind of easy to press down to forget about but they the reality is ladies

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We might momentarily forget

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But eventually those things will surface at some point and they will probably cause havoc in your heart and life

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And so tonight we're talking about

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Confession and repentance and we're going to start talking about the why behind the what we don't always know why we do what we do

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But God knows why we do what we do just like Paul in the Bible

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He's like, I don't know why I keep doing these things that I I don't mean to do like even Paul himself

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I want you to understand that you're not alone in these struggles. You're not alone in that aspect of like man

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Why do I keep getting tripped up with the same thing over and over?

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Has anyone ever felt like that before you have this area that just is like this gnawing area

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Maybe it's a belief in your heart. Maybe it's a sin cycle and you're just like why does this keep happening?

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In my life, and why do I keep getting tripped up with this thing?

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Why do I continue to struggle with depression or or you know the fear that you know

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As soon as I have a blessing God's gonna take it from me because at some point in our childhood

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the why behind the what is

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Oftentimes someone took something from us

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after the blessing came and

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Obviously the enemy is at the root of all things ladies

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We have to remember that our enemy is Satan

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yes, people do things that harm us and

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The enemy is using people kind of as his pawn if you will in this process

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But ultimately it's him

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He's the one that comes to kill steal and destroy but Jesus Christ came

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So that we could have life and have it more abundantly and so in order to have that abundant life

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We have to look at these patterns in our lives

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Where we're going around the same mountain over and over and over we keep tripping over the same rock and we're like shoot

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I thought that rock wasn't there anymore

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But lo and behold it's still there and we're still tripping up over it anybody ever literally like you're walking and you're like I

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Don't even have anything to trip over but I just tripped over my own feet

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Anybody ever done that I do that

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Sometimes I think I'm just kind of going really fast and then I trip over my feet and I'm like

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How did I just trip over my own feet like they're my feet?

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I don't know but that comes to mind as well because sometimes these things are actually

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connected to us and

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We've carried them and and actually some of us have perceived and believed that this is just how we are

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It's just we're just always gonna be this way and we've convinced ourselves

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We believe the lie of the enemy and convinced ourselves that we cannot be any different

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Tripping over our own feet here. Okay, so I'm gonna start talking about what some of these things are and how they show up in our lives

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But I want you to remember it's very important ladies

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And if you haven't heard me say this before this might be your first time. We don't want you getting shovels out

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What do I mean by that? I'm not asking you to start digging up all of your past all of your life

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Okay

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We're asking the Lord to reveal things for healing and trusting him in this process

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It is so important that that's how you approach this

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Okay, because if you get out your shovels and you just start digging digging trying to figure all this stuff out

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You most likely will retraumatize yourself. Okay, so trusting the Lord in this process. He knows

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Exactly what you need when you need it

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Okay

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He will reveal those areas for healing he'll connect the dots at the right time

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He'll help you step further into the light come further out of that darkness

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Have you ever seen like

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You know the movies or even yourself, you know, you go

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Kind of envision like one of those bridges that's you know

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a stone bridge and it kind of you know, it has the

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the shape where you look like you're going

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through this tunnel and it, you know,

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you start going in and at first, you know,

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there's light on the outside,

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but the further you get into that tunnel,

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the darker the light gets.

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And have you ever thought about the fact

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that oftentimes we get into the tunnel

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and we're like, oh my gosh,

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it's so far to get to the other end of the tunnel.

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But we're always like, man, when the,

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like when I just get to the light,

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I'll just see more clearly.

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I'll just, I'll understand this stuff better.

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And I used to feel that way,

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this striving to get to the end of the tunnel

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so that the light would come.

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And one day the Lord was just like,

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but I'm the light of the world

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and I'm with you wherever you go.

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So the reality is, is that, you know what?

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He comes right in the middle of that darkness

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and he can illuminate it.

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So even when we walk through the valley

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of the shadow of death,

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even when we walk through the tunnels of hardship,

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even when we walk through the hard processing of heartwork

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and it might feel overwhelming and dark and hard,

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or we might be looking at these confessions

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and things we need to do this week.

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And it might feel like, oh my gosh,

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I don't know if I can tell these people in this group this.

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I just wanna say to you that the light of the world

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is coming right in the middle of your tunnel.

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He's coming right in the middle of your darkness,

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if you will allow him to.

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And he wants to illuminate all of that

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and bring hope and joy and life to those places

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because he doesn't want you bound in the darkness.

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He never did.

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When he died on the cross,

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he died for our freedom, for our victory.

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We fight for, or excuse me, from victory, not for it.

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The blood was already shed for you to be completely free,

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to not be defined by your past.

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Some of you still are believing the lie

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that your past limits you, and it doesn't.

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Okay, we're gonna keep talking about this.

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The Holy Spirit is your comforter, your counselor,

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your guide, he's your ever-present help

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in times of trouble, in every situation, in every dynamic.

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So when you're not sure how to handle something,

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ladies, we can pause and say,

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Holy Spirit, I trust that you're with me right now.

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You know that we don't even need a,

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like we can thank him for coming.

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We don't even need to beg him to come.

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He's just there.

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But we need to tap into the reality that he's there.

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Holy Spirit, thank you for being with me right now.

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Thank you for being my comforter

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in the midst of this processing, this hard work.

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As this hard memory came up,

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thank you for not leaving me alone or forsaking me.

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God, thanks for being my good father.

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And ladies, when we start just thanking God

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for what he's already promised in his word,

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it literally will shift things for you.

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God has never, ever postured us

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in a place of having to beg for him to do stuff,

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but that's how we've perceived it for different reasons,

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depending on how you're raised,

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maybe the church you're in, all different kinds of stuff,

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but the Holy Spirit is with you

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and he's going to help you unpack these things

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more and more and more in the days to come.

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All right, so here's some examples

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of the why behind the what.

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Now, I want to make a connection to last week's content.

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If you weren't here with us last week,

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you can catch that in the replay

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or we will cover it again in a few more weeks,

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but we were talking about unhealthy roots

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that lead to unhealthy fruit.

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And so the why behind the what, okay,

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the why is kind of like the fruit,

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or excuse me, the what is the fruit.

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The why is why do we have unhealthy fruit?

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It's the lies that lead to it, okay?

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So we're basically gonna unpack a little bit more

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the why behind the what.

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If we have unhealthy fruit, what's the why?

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Why are we doing that?

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What's the lie we believe that's leading to that?

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Okay, so some what's, these are some examples.

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Let's talk about insecurity.

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I want you to be thinking about your life

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and the ways that insecurity might show up for you.

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Does it show up when other women are around

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and all of a sudden jealousy is surfacing

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in your heart, in life?

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Or maybe a friend of yours meets someone

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and you haven't met anybody yet,

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and so now you're feeling all insecure

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like God's passed you over.

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Is it showing up when you're comparing yourself

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to other people in the heart work

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or any other part of your life?

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Maybe it's at work.

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Insecurity shows up in all kinds of ways, ladies.

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But why is it showing up for us?

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Pausing and asking the Lord,

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when is the first time I felt insecure?

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When's the first time I didn't feel secure,

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God, in your love for me?

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Do y'all know that, remember,

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perfect love casts out all fear.

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Fear has to do with torment.

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Fear is basically what feeds insecurity.

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So if you haven't made that connection before, when you feel insecure in some way, there

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are fears there.

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Lies are fueling the fear.

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So we want to say, Lord, where did this come from?

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When's the first time I felt jealous of other women or jealous of other people at work or,

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you know, when did insecurity around my parents first show up for me?

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Whatever that is, you want to unpack that with the Lord.

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Maybe it's self-hatred.

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You know, we talked about this a little bit last week.

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We can't hate other people if we don't first hate ourselves.

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So when's the first time, Lord, when's the first time the why behind the what, that self-hatred

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showed up in my life when I started separating from loving myself the way that he created

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us to and started really being harsh towards myself?

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I've been preparing, I'm preaching on Sunday here at our church, and I've been preparing

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for that message.

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And I was doing some study on the opposite of the fruit of the spirit of kindness.

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And I was looking today into all kinds of scriptures on mean spiritedness and like how

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God asked us to, you know, handle that.

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And so I wanted to say this, that anything that's the opposite of love or kindness is

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going to go on the, you know, that mean spirited, the ill intentions behind things.

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And maybe that's not you.

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I hope that's not you.

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But if you are struggling with any of those kinds of things, God wants you to get to the

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root of the matter.

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And typically it's when we don't like ourselves first.

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When we start acting out an unhealthy behaviors towards people when, and we have these mean

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spirited behaviors, typically the core is something we don't like about us.

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All right, overeating.

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I'm going to call this overindulgence actually, and then overindulgence in anything.

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So maybe it's overeating in food and maybe it's binge watching on TV.

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Maybe it's having too much wine.

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Maybe it's, you know, indulging in like sexual things less.

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We're going to talk about that more here in a little bit, but why do we overeat?

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Do I have anybody else in this room that has ever been an emotional eater?

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Anyone in here ever eat your emotions?

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All right.

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A couple of people here with me.

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So here's the thing, you know, have we ever paused and just thought about like, okay,

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where did this start for me?

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Like why am I turning to food instead of the Lord in this moment?

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Why am I, you know, feeling overwhelmed and it's causing me to want food that I don't

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even want.

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Y'all, typically when I get really tired, I have all kinds of cravings.

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Last night, praise the Lord, I didn't give in y'all, I didn't, but I was really worn

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out from the weekend.

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We poured into people all weekend long and I was really tired.

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I had already eaten dinner, but my mind kept telling me I wanted sugar.

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My mind kept saying, you need this, you need this, you need this.

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And I can't tell you literally three times.

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I think I walked to my fridge and opened it and y'all, because I've only been really buying

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healthy food.

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I'm like, there's nothing in there, darn it, but praise the Lord at the same time.

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But yeah.

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So you know what I did?

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I drank some water.

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That's what I'm supposed to be doing instead of snacking and eating those things.

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Then I'm using this kind of being silly, but the reality is, is I recognize when I am worn

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out that I can tend to overeat or have things that I don't need.

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And you know, I'm kind of being silly, but the reality is, is how many of you, when you're

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tired and worn out, overindulge in something?

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Even seeking attention from men when you're tired and you're overindulging, okay?

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What about gossiping, slandering, gossiping, any of that kind of stuff?

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You know, when's the first time you gossiped about somebody or somebody gossiped about

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you?

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And so then you decided to kind of turn it back on them, reciprocate that behavior.

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We have to understand that God doesn't want us to live in those places either.

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He wants us to choose to love people and to be the living epistles on this earth, to put

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on love, to put on hope, to put on kindness, the fruits of the spirit that we would walk

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in those.

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Y'all, I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means.

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It is a struggle, you know, sometimes to just zip our lips, you know, the tongue is unruly

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and full of fire, I think, or something the scripture says, you know, but let's, let's

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not be people that just say, Oh, this is just how I am.

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So they're just going to have to deal with it.

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No, no, I don't like, can you imagine saying that to Jesus?

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I can't with any of our behaviors that are not healthy for us.

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I can't imagine us saying, if we were sitting right next to Jesus, like, Jesus, I've just

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always been this way.

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So you're just going to have to deal with it.

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get used to it. What? No! We wouldn't, right? So why do we say that as an excuse for our behavior

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to our friends or our family or even to ourselves? So again, it's not about being perfect. This isn't

431
00:25:16.140 --> 00:25:22.140
about being on good behavior, ladies, okay? I don't want anyone to misunderstand, but this is about

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inner heart healing that leads to long-term transformation, okay? I'll say that over and over

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all the time because I want you all to understand I don't want you to pretend to be good, okay?

434
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I help people all the time. I've walked with people through some of their deepest

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sin struggles. I don't need anyone to try to impress me. I'd rather see your stuff and help

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00:25:48.700 --> 00:25:53.980
you process that and come out of it so that you can just live a life more free.

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But we have to first be honest with ourselves, okay? Here's some other ones. Negative self-talk

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or thought patterns. Are you someone that really struggles? These are the fruits. Again, these are

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00:26:03.880 --> 00:26:08.660
things we touched on last week. Someone who struggles with negative thought patterns and

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negative cycles and heart postures where no matter what's going on, you're seeing the negative side

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of that. You tend to see the glass half empty versus half full. Again, these are not things

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00:26:21.220 --> 00:26:27.520
we don't have to live that way. We might have to retrain our brain, especially if it came down for

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generations, but it is possible. All right, now I'm going to talk about some things on the sexual

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related area. So sometimes we have issues having sex before marriage. So sex outside of marriage,

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pornography addictions, and yes, ladies, this is rampant even among women, okay? And I'm not

446
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not to shame any of you if that is your struggle. I'm saying it because it's time for us just to be

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real and bring those things out of darkness to the light so they don't have power or a hold over us

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anymore. Maybe you struggle with lust and masturbation or things where you're just,

449
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you're kind of fueling that instead of curbing it, instead of figuring out how to walk in the

450
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fruit of the spirit of self-control. Growing up in a home where I was sexually abused as a young girl,

451
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going through things that I did way too young, you know, it wasn't shocking that I had sex as a

452
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young girl and had sex before I was married, but God had called me to something different, you know,

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and it was up to me to change. I really knew that God was calling me to be the kinsman redeemer in

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my family line. Abuse came all the way down through my mom's family and to, you know, my mom's brothers.

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I think it might've come down from her dad, you know, with my brothers and then down into my life.

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And I just knew that I didn't want the spirit of lust to have power over my family and the

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generations to come behind me. And so it wasn't just about the abuse, ladies. It was about the

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things that I then chose to do as a result of the counterfeit identities that were like existing in

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my heart in life without even me knowing it. And so, you know, just really made a commitment to

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the Lord, like, Hey, like, I want to do this the way you want it, you know, and really got committed

461
00:28:14.720 --> 00:28:20.560
to that y'all. And I'm not saying it was easy, but when I met Brian, I knew even before I was

462
00:28:21.520 --> 00:28:25.460
dating this last time around, because I worked really hard on that years before,

463
00:28:26.560 --> 00:28:31.220
um, had, had totally not had sex before marriage for a long time and really worked hard on that,

464
00:28:31.220 --> 00:28:35.460
even with the girl's dad, but so many times he would pressure me and just treat me like garbage.

465
00:28:35.460 --> 00:28:40.120
If I had, I didn't have sex with him and I'm not saying that's okay, ladies, I'm just being real.

466
00:28:40.120 --> 00:28:46.980
Okay. Sometimes we do things that we don't want to do because we're afraid of the way

467
00:28:47.020 --> 00:28:51.260
someone's going to treat us if we don't, but that is not the way God wants us to live.

468
00:28:52.700 --> 00:28:57.820
Okay. And I'm going to talk about some of the things that led me there, because I think that

469
00:28:57.820 --> 00:29:04.700
we need to have these kinds of conversations, but it came to the, to the point where I was just like,

470
00:29:04.700 --> 00:29:11.520
I'm not, I'm not gonna, I'm not going to be the loser in this battle. God gave me the ability to

471
00:29:11.520 --> 00:29:16.500
overcome this. I believe he wants me to be the breaker. I have a breaker anointing. I know that

472
00:29:16.500 --> 00:29:22.600
I carry that and he wanted me to break this off of my family. And so I knew that whoever I was

473
00:29:22.600 --> 00:29:27.540
going to date had to be committed to that, not just with their words, but with their actions,

474
00:29:27.540 --> 00:29:32.140
because I've had people say before, yeah, I believe in not having sex before marriage,

475
00:29:32.140 --> 00:29:39.780
but then there before long, they start kind of trying to say things or come over and Netflix and

476
00:29:39.780 --> 00:29:47.780
chill. And yeah, no. Okay. This time around, I'm like those people. And I knew I was going to be

477
00:29:47.780 --> 00:29:55.200
able to discern it and resist that and not go in that direction. And so met Brian and we had

478
00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:59.980
important conversations at the timeframe that we needed to, and knew that we were both committed.

479
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.040
to protecting the covenant. And so, that's what we did. And we worked at that together.

480
00:30:07.700 --> 00:30:13.860
Ladies, here's the reality. The closer we got to the wedding day, the harder that got. Okay?

481
00:30:14.360 --> 00:30:19.380
But here's the awesome thing. God was teaching us along the way. God was teaching me. He was

482
00:30:19.380 --> 00:30:24.400
helping me understand that when Brian was, you know, setting healthy boundaries, even sometimes,

483
00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:29.560
like, you know, literally, like, we weren't, we would kiss and like, then you want to do more

484
00:30:29.560 --> 00:30:33.940
things. And so, then that starts to kick up. Well, he was like, yeah, we probably shouldn't kiss.

485
00:30:34.000 --> 00:30:40.420
And I remember I felt rejected in that moment. I felt that. But here's the reality. I was telling

486
00:30:40.420 --> 00:30:48.800
the ladies this afternoon. The reality is, is Brian was loving me. He was protecting me

487
00:30:48.800 --> 00:30:54.220
and protecting the covenant. And he was setting a boundary because it was causing both of us to

488
00:30:54.220 --> 00:30:58.080
think about things we didn't need to think about and then wanting to act on those things. And we

489
00:30:58.080 --> 00:31:04.540
didn't need to do that either. And so, and then as we got closer to the wedding day, you know,

490
00:31:04.540 --> 00:31:08.660
on occasion, we would still kiss, but there were just, you know, we're, couldn't stay after a

491
00:31:08.660 --> 00:31:13.720
certain timeframe at my house or his house. We just set time, you know, parameters and all kinds

492
00:31:13.720 --> 00:31:18.360
of things. But as we got closer to the wedding day, literally this one time, I was just, we were

493
00:31:18.360 --> 00:31:23.420
just watching a movie. And I was just like, laying up next to him, kind of cuddled. Nothing was going

494
00:31:23.420 --> 00:31:29.420
on. But all of a sudden I felt my heart starting to pound. I felt it. I felt the flesh kicking in

495
00:31:29.420 --> 00:31:35.660
you all. And I sat up and he's like, what's wrong? I was like, nothing, but I can't touch you. Like

496
00:31:35.660 --> 00:31:40.920
we can't, we can't, we can't cuddle anymore until after the wedding. Like I literally, like it's

497
00:31:40.920 --> 00:31:45.220
making me think about things I don't need to think about. And so that was like two months before we

498
00:31:45.220 --> 00:31:50.860
got married. And so the last two months, we just, we didn't, we didn't hold hands. We didn't kiss

499
00:31:50.860 --> 00:31:57.040
and we did not cuddle. I like, I put, we put all the guardrails in place and you all here's the

500
00:31:58.940 --> 00:32:07.500
reality. I learned something that I never learned before. Sex is amazing. It's a gift from God for

501
00:32:07.500 --> 00:32:15.140
our marriage, but that isn't the definition of love. It's not the definition of love.

502
00:32:15.740 --> 00:32:24.040
It's a benefit of it in covenant. But in the past, I felt like it was a source of feeling

503
00:32:24.220 --> 00:32:32.980
needed and wanted. And I was, that's not what I needed. I needed to know that a man would love me

504
00:32:32.980 --> 00:32:37.620
and want to be with me, even if, or when we couldn't have sex. Cause here's the reality,

505
00:32:37.820 --> 00:32:42.100
ladies. I don't know if this is a spoiler alert, but sometimes even after you get married,

506
00:32:42.100 --> 00:32:46.640
somebody might get sick or they might have a surgery. And if you don't know how to love yours,

507
00:32:46.920 --> 00:32:50.920
like love each other really well without that stuff, you're going to struggle.

508
00:32:52.220 --> 00:32:57.800
Okay. So I'm just going to let that cat out of the bag. So think about this stuff. You know,

509
00:32:57.800 --> 00:33:04.540
we want you all to really value yourself. Okay. So that's where I want to go next.

510
00:33:04.760 --> 00:33:11.380
The root of that for me, the why behind the what was because I truly did not, I valued a lot of

511
00:33:11.380 --> 00:33:19.160
myself, but yet there were these parts of myself that I was devaluing in relationships in the past.

512
00:33:20.100 --> 00:33:26.720
And what I really learned was that I didn't fully have a deep revelation. In some areas,

513
00:33:26.720 --> 00:33:33.100
I understood the love of the father 100%, but there were still these other crevices of my heart,

514
00:33:33.200 --> 00:33:38.060
if you will, that I did not have the full understanding of the love of the father.

515
00:33:38.060 --> 00:33:42.780
I wasn't secure in my identity in Christ. And therefore I thought I needed to

516
00:33:43.600 --> 00:33:51.560
feel loved and feel needed. And, you know, I liked the attention and, but then I didn't like the

517
00:33:51.560 --> 00:33:57.940
attention at the same time, there was this kind of uneven thing going on in there because I learned

518
00:33:57.940 --> 00:34:04.120
that that attention wasn't actually healthy and good growing up. Right. But then you have all

519
00:34:04.120 --> 00:34:08.739
these things that you feel and your hormones are going and all that kind of stuff. And so learning

520
00:34:08.739 --> 00:34:14.880
how to walk in the spirit of self control will be a true blessing to you all to commit to that. And

521
00:34:14.880 --> 00:34:20.580
I hope that you all will choose that path for your life and for your marriage. Here's a couple other

522
00:34:20.580 --> 00:34:25.040
ones struggles with authority. Are you someone that just no matter what you just in within yourself,

523
00:34:25.120 --> 00:34:30.420
you buck against authority. Like there's just that spirit of rebellion in you like no matter what

524
00:34:30.420 --> 00:34:34.760
you don't, you just like, don't want to do what your boss says. Maybe it was your parents growing

525
00:34:34.800 --> 00:34:40.080
up. Maybe it's now trickling down to your kids and they're just rebelling against you.

526
00:34:40.520 --> 00:34:47.219
Um, whatever that looks like. Uh, another one is angry outburst. I call them angry outburst or

527
00:34:47.219 --> 00:34:51.860
angry on the inside. So maybe you're brewing and stewing on some things,

528
00:34:52.699 --> 00:34:56.699
but it's not like an outburst yet, but it's still rooted in anger.

529
00:34:57.360 --> 00:34:59.980
So again, asking the Lord, when is the

530
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.140
first time, I struggled with anger, you know, and you can break it down towards my mom,

531
00:35:07.460 --> 00:35:10.960
if the situation is happening with you and your mom, that's causing the anger.

532
00:35:11.780 --> 00:35:16.580
Maybe it's anger towards a friend, when's the first time I felt angry with this friend or

533
00:35:16.580 --> 00:35:24.440
another friend, or even ladies sometimes with yourself. All right, one of the things I think

534
00:35:24.440 --> 00:35:28.080
Kalandra might even be on here tonight, I'm not sure, but she said something this afternoon that

535
00:35:28.080 --> 00:35:32.620
I really wanted to point out as well. She said that one of her greatest sins and struggles and

536
00:35:32.740 --> 00:35:41.060
strongholds was that she struggles to trust God to protect her or provide for her basically. And

537
00:35:41.060 --> 00:35:48.580
so at the end of the day, ladies, if we unpack the trust issue, it is another thing that leads

538
00:35:48.580 --> 00:35:56.120
back to us. If we tend to not trust God or trust other people, oftentimes we actually don't trust

539
00:35:56.120 --> 00:36:02.560
ourselves somewhere. So we really want you in this heartwork healing process to grow in your

540
00:36:02.560 --> 00:36:09.040
ability to trust yourself more. Excuse me, even some of you like myself, when you've picked

541
00:36:09.040 --> 00:36:14.960
unhealthy people in the past, it can really break your ability to trust yourself. When we say we're

542
00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:19.260
going to do something and then we don't do it, well, we're literally breaking our own word,

543
00:36:19.260 --> 00:36:26.400
which breaks our trust in ourselves. And so we want God to help us grow in our trust and in our

544
00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:31.740
ability to trust ourselves and trust him and then trust other people that are safe and healthy.

545
00:36:32.060 --> 00:36:36.880
And so if you are someone that just constantly is struggling with trusting God, I want to encourage

546
00:36:36.880 --> 00:36:45.080
you to pray and ask the Lord, when is the first time I didn't trust myself? Or I did something

547
00:36:45.080 --> 00:36:51.940
or said something that broke my trust in myself. And let's see if that kind of leads to the root

548
00:36:51.940 --> 00:36:57.760
of why you also struggle to trust the Lord. Instead of us just accepting these things in our lives

549
00:36:57.960 --> 00:37:03.240
as this is just how I am, or this is just how my family has always been, let's choose to allow God

550
00:37:03.240 --> 00:37:08.100
to transform us from the inside out, ladies, and partner with God to become, as I was talking about

551
00:37:07.920 --> 00:37:14.540
earlier, the kinsman redeemer in our family, in our generational line. I want you to think about

552
00:37:14.540 --> 00:37:21.300
the areas right now in your life that you feel like, man, this is too dark. This is too much.

553
00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:26.640
If I share this with other people, I don't even know if they'll love me. I don't know if they'll

554
00:37:26.640 --> 00:37:30.640
receive me. If you have any of those areas, you don't have to put them in the chat, but I want

555
00:37:30.640 --> 00:37:35.260
you to write them down on your paper. I want you to be thinking about those because the Lord, again,

556
00:37:35.300 --> 00:37:39.660
wants to come and bring the light. He is, Jesus is the light of the world. He wants to come in the

557
00:37:39.840 --> 00:37:45.580
of that tunnel, that dark space, so to speak, and bring his light. And I want you to think about the

558
00:37:45.580 --> 00:37:50.200
story of the leper in the Bible. I'm going to kind of make some parallels here, and we're going to

559
00:37:50.200 --> 00:37:54.800
start kind of moving through this pretty quick, but I want you to think about the reality that

560
00:37:54.800 --> 00:38:01.960
lepers were outcast. They often were rejected and shunned, and they had to kind of live out away

561
00:38:01.960 --> 00:38:07.780
from people. And there's one where, you know, they maybe had to ring a bell or any, you know,

562
00:38:07.780 --> 00:38:13.520
call attention to themselves when they were coming to an area. They were alone because of their disease,

563
00:38:13.760 --> 00:38:20.400
their affliction, but now I want you to see how Jesus responded to the leper in Mark 1. I'm not

564
00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:24.820
going to read the scripture for you. You can go read it for yourself, but I want you to hear these

565
00:38:24.820 --> 00:38:34.040
truths tonight. Jesus went towards him. Jesus didn't just heal him. He did heal him, but you want to

566
00:38:34.040 --> 00:38:40.940
what else Jesus did? He touched him. I want you to think about these areas where you feel like

567
00:38:40.940 --> 00:38:46.740
you have this sin cycle or this dark area that feels like it's too much. It's, you know, just

568
00:38:46.740 --> 00:38:51.920
kind of has made you kind of on the outside. You don't fit in with people or whatever that is for

569
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:58.600
you, and I want you to understand that what used to be untouchable becomes touchable as soon as you

570
00:38:58.800 --> 00:39:04.700
encounter the divine love of the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Jesus is coming towards you tonight.

571
00:39:05.680 --> 00:39:07.660
He's not going away from you,

572
00:39:09.440 --> 00:39:15.680
and he wants to help you heal because he loves you. Social barriers when that happened were

573
00:39:15.500 --> 00:39:24.820
shattered, literally. So don't you think Jesus and God and Holy Spirit can shatter the barriers that you feel?

574
00:39:27.740 --> 00:39:34.740
Our God is more than able to do abundantly and measurably above anything we could ever ask, think,

575
00:39:34.760 --> 00:39:39.760
or imagine. The same power that rose Jesus Christ from the dead is living in us. It's operating

576
00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:47.420
through us, and so if that's true, can it not break the barriers? Can it not break down the shackles

577
00:39:47.420 --> 00:39:52.400
and the things that have kept us stuck from being able to receive the fullness of God's blessings in our lives?

578
00:39:55.240 --> 00:39:58.260
Where have you been limiting God in your process?

579
00:40:01.180 --> 00:40:05.120
God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit want to shatter all your barriers and they want to come in

580
00:40:05.120 --> 00:40:06.020
and bring divine love.

581
00:40:06.160 --> 00:40:11.880
They want you to lay down all your shame tonight and receive the absolute unconditional love

582
00:40:11.880 --> 00:40:14.260
that is waiting for you tonight.

583
00:40:15.200 --> 00:40:19.600
Repentance means we literally choose to come out of agreement with the lies, the sinful

584
00:40:19.880 --> 00:40:22.340
and harmful behaviors and go in a different direction.

585
00:40:22.400 --> 00:40:26.880
So if you were going this way, it's literally saying, I'm not going to keep going that way

586
00:40:26.880 --> 00:40:27.220
anymore.

587
00:40:27.220 --> 00:40:30.920
I'm going to choose to go in the opposite direction.

588
00:40:31.660 --> 00:40:36.320
And not just for short term, not just for good behavior, but I'm choosing to allow God

589
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:42.460
to heal me, to set me free from the lies and the behavior and these things that are inside

590
00:40:42.460 --> 00:40:46.340
of me that are leading me to go in a direction that is not healthy for me.

591
00:40:46.340 --> 00:40:49.060
And I'm going to go in the opposite direction.

592
00:40:49.840 --> 00:40:55.220
Do y'all want to know how I overcame that dynamic with my spiritual daughter's dad?

593
00:40:56.220 --> 00:41:00.560
I just started saying no, even when it was uncomfortable, even when he treated me bad.

594
00:41:00.920 --> 00:41:04.740
And I didn't allow him anymore to have that control over me.

595
00:41:05.340 --> 00:41:06.260
Because you know what?

596
00:41:06.640 --> 00:41:07.900
I matter.

597
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:17.080
I mattered the whole time, but I had to choose that I was not going to allow someone else

598
00:41:17.080 --> 00:41:20.540
to devalue me or cheapen me in any way.

599
00:41:21.440 --> 00:41:21.760
Okay.

600
00:41:22.060 --> 00:41:22.620
All right.

601
00:41:22.620 --> 00:41:29.340
So confession is, you know, obviously something that we all need to do.

602
00:41:29.780 --> 00:41:33.680
And I would encourage you to make sure that when you are doing any confessions, that you're

603
00:41:33.680 --> 00:41:37.880
doing it with someone that is safe, that you can trust, but also people that will lovingly

604
00:41:37.880 --> 00:41:38.640
hold you accountable.

605
00:41:38.960 --> 00:41:44.980
When we don't, what we don't confess, what we don't repent for, I want you to understand

606
00:41:44.980 --> 00:41:47.420
we remain tethered to it.

607
00:41:48.340 --> 00:41:48.900
Okay.

608
00:41:48.900 --> 00:41:54.160
So I want you to think about the areas of sin, struggle, or, you know, again, unhealthy

609
00:41:54.160 --> 00:41:58.900
behaviors, mindsets, when we're not confessing those things, we're remaining tethered to

610
00:41:58.900 --> 00:41:59.040
it.

611
00:41:59.060 --> 00:42:04.700
But when we confess, when we repent of that stuff, it breaks that stuff up and it breaks

612
00:42:04.700 --> 00:42:05.800
the hold on us.

613
00:42:06.940 --> 00:42:11.540
James 5.16 says, therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that

614
00:42:11.540 --> 00:42:12.360
you may be healed.

615
00:42:12.700 --> 00:42:15.760
The prayer of a righteous man avails much.

616
00:42:16.300 --> 00:42:18.700
So I've told you a little bit of my story tonight.

617
00:42:18.700 --> 00:42:21.040
I want to kind of draw some parallels real quick.

618
00:42:21.980 --> 00:42:29.660
This is, these are areas that the Lord led me to repent years ago and confess for trying.

619
00:42:29.720 --> 00:42:32.880
These are the things I'm just going to list them off for trying to fill the God shaped

620
00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:36.920
hole in my heart with things that were not good for me, food to come from me, binge watching

621
00:42:36.920 --> 00:42:41.920
too much TV because I felt loneliness and pain, harmful thought patterns that were keeping

622
00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:46.560
me stuck, not keeping boundaries in place regarding sex outside of marriage for letting

623
00:42:46.560 --> 00:42:49.460
my values be lowered to be in a relationship.

624
00:42:50.680 --> 00:42:51.940
But it wasn't even a relationship.

625
00:42:52.240 --> 00:42:53.340
That's the crazy thing.

626
00:42:53.400 --> 00:42:56.820
He was never actually in that relationship with me.

627
00:42:57.580 --> 00:43:03.320
We were coexisting you all, but I just kept being in the relationship, right?

628
00:43:04.040 --> 00:43:09.120
And I went against my values and my morals and because of it, I started hating myself

629
00:43:10.280 --> 00:43:17.040
for blowing past red flags when the Lord was lovingly, constantly, consistently trying

630
00:43:17.040 --> 00:43:19.040
to keep me from things that would hurt me.

631
00:43:19.620 --> 00:43:20.980
Y'all, this is huge.

632
00:43:21.220 --> 00:43:23.480
A lot of us, and we talked about this briefly last week.

633
00:43:23.780 --> 00:43:27.300
I forget who I was coaching, but we got to own our side of the street.

634
00:43:27.580 --> 00:43:34.300
When did we blow past red flags in prior relationships when the Lord was lovingly saying, Hey, don't

635
00:43:34.300 --> 00:43:34.800
keep going.

636
00:43:35.640 --> 00:43:36.940
This isn't healthy for you.

637
00:43:36.940 --> 00:43:38.480
This is not my life for you.

638
00:43:41.080 --> 00:43:45.160
We have to look at these things and be fully honest with ourselves when we are fully honest

639
00:43:45.160 --> 00:43:48.340
with ourselves and with God, that is where true breakthrough can happen.

640
00:43:48.780 --> 00:43:51.940
I'm going to pass it over to Annette and that would love to hear what you have to share

641
00:43:52.040 --> 00:43:53.640
tonight as well.

642
00:43:54.800 --> 00:43:55.700
Thanks, Bethany.

643
00:43:57.600 --> 00:44:03.820
One of the major things that I have struggled with in my life that God really did a work

644
00:44:03.820 --> 00:44:10.320
in me, probably the greatest work in me was during my time in the heart work.

645
00:44:12.280 --> 00:44:20.440
I was raised in a family where I was sexually abused by a family member and a babysitter.

646
00:44:21.460 --> 00:44:30.800
I did talk with my mom about it and I told her and it was just brushed under the carpet.

647
00:44:31.600 --> 00:44:40.280
So that for me was the first time that I told myself what I say doesn't matter.

648
00:44:41.040 --> 00:44:42.160
My voice doesn't matter.

649
00:44:42.540 --> 00:44:46.120
If I tell, if I say something, it's not going to be heard.

650
00:44:47.360 --> 00:44:56.420
I really started, I developed from there a victim mindset and mentality that my voice

651
00:44:56.420 --> 00:44:57.680
wasn't going to be heard.

652
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.780
Anything that bad that could happen probably would happen to me when I would hear people

653
00:45:07.780 --> 00:45:13.340
talk about God and, um, and say, you know, God will protect you.

654
00:45:13.420 --> 00:45:14.380
God cares about you.

655
00:45:14.440 --> 00:45:18.960
God, this, I really had a kind of a, a resentment and an anger.

656
00:45:19.120 --> 00:45:27.460
Like if that's true, then where were you and that I need to take care of myself, uh, because

657
00:45:28.220 --> 00:45:32.580
you know, you say you take care of people, but that hasn't been my experience.

658
00:45:32.980 --> 00:45:36.640
So I need to do it on my own and take care of myself.

659
00:45:37.180 --> 00:45:40.840
Um, kind of like, I'll take it from here, God, cause that didn't go so well.

660
00:45:41.220 --> 00:45:49.560
And so, um, over the years I, it would come out definitely, uh, emotional eating.

661
00:45:50.120 --> 00:45:56.940
I would, um, turn to food rather than to God to comfort me and to strengthen me.

662
00:45:57.000 --> 00:46:02.920
But, um, I would think nothing is ever going to change.

663
00:46:03.560 --> 00:46:10.060
And what really happened to me in relationships is I would take a victim role.

664
00:46:10.300 --> 00:46:17.420
So I would give power to other men that really wasn't theirs, but because I didn't

665
00:46:17.420 --> 00:46:24.720
believe that I had any, then it was, oh, you know, I knew that they would hurt me.

666
00:46:24.820 --> 00:46:26.020
I'm not surprised.

667
00:46:27.040 --> 00:46:31.740
Um, those kinds of things would play in my head and what God really showed me and

668
00:46:31.740 --> 00:46:37.080
healed me from was he wants, like Bethany had said earlier, and that resonated with

669
00:46:37.080 --> 00:46:42.020
me, we fight from a place of victory, not for victory.

670
00:46:42.520 --> 00:46:44.920
And so I'm not a victim.

671
00:46:44.920 --> 00:46:49.020
I am a victor and my victory is in Christ.

672
00:46:49.620 --> 00:46:55.620
And the greatest healing came when I was able to come in alignment with that and

673
00:46:55.620 --> 00:46:59.880
reconcile and have peace that God will work all things for my good.

674
00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:06.100
And I may not understand it, but if, when I just surrender and trust him and stand

675
00:47:06.100 --> 00:47:11.080
on the foundation and the truth of the things that he says about me, it gave me

676
00:47:11.080 --> 00:47:19.320
power in my mind sets to have confidence that was based in him, not what I thought

677
00:47:19.320 --> 00:47:25.060
should happen or how I thought it should be, but that the confidence came from him

678
00:47:25.060 --> 00:47:32.520
and him alone, because even in my first marriage, um, in conversations and things

679
00:47:32.520 --> 00:47:37.920
that would happen, I would, I would take on a victim role.

680
00:47:38.480 --> 00:47:42.780
Like, oh, you know, poor me, or can you believe this?

681
00:47:43.220 --> 00:47:45.940
Or I can't believe that that happened.

682
00:47:46.520 --> 00:47:51.600
And God is really, um, raising me out of that.

683
00:47:51.600 --> 00:47:57.720
And even using my marriage now, um, to bring that to light in where I stand in

684
00:47:57.720 --> 00:48:05.060
victory and I speak truth and power because we are partners, um, we're both

685
00:48:05.060 --> 00:48:07.500
imperfect partners, learning and growing.

686
00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:09.400
Neither one of us are victims.

687
00:48:10.200 --> 00:48:12.920
We have our identity in Christ.

688
00:48:14.340 --> 00:48:17.240
And, um, and so have I arrived yet?

689
00:48:17.240 --> 00:48:19.040
Do I still struggle with it?

690
00:48:19.300 --> 00:48:20.480
Yes, I do.

691
00:48:20.800 --> 00:48:26.140
But the greatest turnaround came when I was doing my homework, um, and heartwork

692
00:48:26.140 --> 00:48:30.860
in phase one, because God really showed me who I am in him.

693
00:48:31.380 --> 00:48:36.180
And it's not a victim coat that I have on, but it's a victory coat that I have on.

694
00:48:36.480 --> 00:48:41.320
And that shifted so much for me and is something that still, like I said, comes

695
00:48:41.320 --> 00:48:48.340
up occasionally, but I identify it, uh, much more quickly and, um, still a work

696
00:48:48.340 --> 00:48:53.820
in progress, but I'm doing, I'm doing the thing and I'm thankful for the opportunity

697
00:48:53.840 --> 00:48:57.060
that he gives me with his grace and mercy every day.

698
00:48:59.320 --> 00:49:00.520
That's so good.

699
00:49:00.640 --> 00:49:04.740
And, uh, thank you for sharing that, um, ladies, this is where we just get real,

700
00:49:04.900 --> 00:49:07.520
you know, um, I think it's really important.

701
00:49:07.520 --> 00:49:11.020
I want to share Kalandra put in the chat and then I'm going to get you

702
00:49:11.020 --> 00:49:12.320
guys ready for breakout session.

703
00:49:12.400 --> 00:49:16.900
It says I passed my red flags because I wanted to keep moving forward to believe

704
00:49:16.900 --> 00:49:21.940
the best, et cetera, desperate to feel different hat had hope it would be okay.

705
00:49:21.940 --> 00:49:27.040
I was in denial, LOL, but I think that first statement is really important.

706
00:49:27.040 --> 00:49:31.420
It's really important for all of us to consider when she said, because I

707
00:49:31.540 --> 00:49:38.140
wanted to keep moving forward, you know, sometimes when God is saying, Hey,

708
00:49:38.180 --> 00:49:42.140
don't go that way and we're just like, God, I just want to keep moving forward.

709
00:49:42.200 --> 00:49:45.880
I just, I saw this one glimmer of whatever it was we saw.

710
00:49:45.880 --> 00:49:48.680
And we want to believe the best in that situation or that person.

711
00:49:48.680 --> 00:49:53.420
And God is wanting to remind all of us tonight, like, no, like go for the good,

712
00:49:53.420 --> 00:49:56.980
good path, the greater way, the healthier way.

713
00:49:57.080 --> 00:49:57.580
All right.

714
00:49:57.620 --> 00:49:59.720
So here's your breakout question tonight.

715
00:50:00.840 --> 00:50:04.960
What do you need to confess? And I want to encourage you to share that with the ladies

716
00:50:05.000 --> 00:50:10.300
in your group. I'm going to try my best to keep you all paired like two people to a room.

717
00:50:10.940 --> 00:50:15.920
When you go in here, ladies, really important, as always, you're not there to coach each other,

718
00:50:16.760 --> 00:50:22.060
advise each other, fix each other. Literally, all I want you to do is listen to each other.

719
00:50:22.420 --> 00:50:28.280
After your sister has shared, I want you to say, thank you so much for trusting me with your story.

720
00:50:28.280 --> 00:50:33.220
And then I want you to share next. And that's how you guys will support each other. You don't need

721
00:50:33.220 --> 00:50:38.940
if somebody cries, you don't got to fix that. This is about creating a safe space for everybody

722
00:50:38.960 --> 00:50:43.820
to be able to receive what God has for you. I see some people dropping off. So I'm gonna

723
00:50:43.820 --> 00:50:48.920
have to recreate these rooms real quick. Hold on one second. I had them ready.

724
00:50:49.440 --> 00:50:51.840
That's why I never get do them in advance.

725
00:50:54.760 --> 00:50:57.620
People get scared and they drop off of the breakouts.

726
00:50:59.940 --> 00:51:05.440
All right, I think we should be ready now. Okay, so when you go in, go ahead, you're going to talk

727
00:51:05.440 --> 00:51:09.180
about what you need to confess. And then we'll come back as a group together. Here you go.

728
00:51:09.240 --> 00:51:10.980
That should be up on your screen for you. Okay.

729
00:51:13.900 --> 00:51:16.640
Go ahead and click to join those as soon as you can.

730
00:51:23.760 --> 00:51:28.440
Angie, I'm going to send you a room here in just a second. It's just pop the screens kind of bumping

731
00:51:28.380 --> 00:51:35.680
around. So I gotta wait for those all. There we go. Okay, there's a room for you to go into.

732
00:51:37.020 --> 00:51:39.840
Awesome. Let's see who else we have here sitting by themselves.

733
00:51:43.000 --> 00:51:50.880
Five. Hi, ladies, coming back. Are you guys jumping back here for a reason or

734
00:51:57.380 --> 00:51:57.900
Okay.

735
00:52:00.560 --> 00:52:02.560
I accidentally got out of the group.

736
00:52:02.840 --> 00:52:07.940
Oh, that's all right. Let me get I'm just looking to see people that are by themselves right now.

737
00:52:08.500 --> 00:52:14.660
Yeah, mine just kept saying, this call is being recorded. And I clicked OK. And then it just kept

738
00:52:14.660 --> 00:52:19.420
saying that over and over again. It was like, I don't know what happened. Okay, give me one second,

739
00:52:19.660 --> 00:52:28.720
Lisa, and I'll get you. No worries. Sorry, okay, she's sitting by herself too. I know you guys are

740
00:52:28.720 --> 00:52:33.620
sitting in here waiting to get a bunch of people drop off even after I pushed for people to go

741
00:52:34.340 --> 00:52:39.460
I'm not sure why that happened tonight so much. People get afraid of confession.

742
00:52:40.980 --> 00:52:45.940
All right, I think I've got Oh, Lisa, you were showing that you were in a room.

743
00:52:46.740 --> 00:52:53.500
Okay, let me bump. It never took me there, though. I'm gonna I'm gonna give you a different one.

744
00:52:53.500 --> 00:53:02.480
I'll just put you in a room with two other ladies. Oh, okay. There you go. Okay, I should be there

745
00:53:02.480 --> 00:53:09.420
for you. Kalandra, where were you bumped out of your room to? Or there was not anybody in there

746
00:53:09.420 --> 00:53:16.820
with you? I see Rosie's not there. Let me send you to different room. Actually, I'll send Maricel

747
00:53:16.820 --> 00:53:25.620
to you. Hold on one second. Room 10. Can you go back in your room? No. Oh, sorry.

748
00:53:27.240 --> 00:53:33.220
So you weren't able to go in that room either, Lisa? No, I've never had this happen. It's weird.

749
00:53:35.240 --> 00:53:40.080
Yeah, I don't know why it's doing that to you. Kalandra, are you able to go back into that room

750
00:53:40.080 --> 00:53:46.400
I already sent you? You should see that. Yeah, there she goes. Okay. Lisa, let me see. I just

751
00:53:46.400 --> 00:53:54.940
sent you there. Sometimes zoom is just funky. There's another one. Let's see if that will work.

752
00:53:54.940 --> 00:53:57.500
If not, log out and come back in.

753
00:54:02.080 --> 00:54:06.940
Thank God, everyone. Okay, Father, thank you so much for everything that you're doing. God,

754
00:54:07.380 --> 00:54:12.520
we just thank you that you would cover any and all tech issues. God, we thank you that you'll help

755
00:54:13.600 --> 00:54:18.800
Lisa to get connected. Is it still popping you right back out, Lisa? Yeah, it just keeps saying

756
00:54:18.800 --> 00:54:24.920
this thing's being recorded. And I say, okay, and then it just keeps saying the same thing. It like

757
00:54:24.920 --> 00:54:28.340
and then come back in and let me see if that'll kind of reset you, okay?

758
00:54:29.080 --> 00:54:33.460
Okay. We just thank you, Lord, for just being in the midst of this. We trust you even with,

759
00:54:33.680 --> 00:54:37.760
you know, what Lisa is going to hear and the timing she'll receive it. God, we thank you that

760
00:54:37.760 --> 00:54:42.980
you're ministering in all of the chat groups right now, that you would help every lady to

761
00:54:42.980 --> 00:54:50.680
be able to be open with... Oh, look, it's showing you two different people. It's really weird.

762
00:54:52.820 --> 00:54:57.720
We thank you that you would just continue to come and speak truth and love to every one of these.

763
00:54:58.300 --> 00:54:59.980
Lord, we thank you that you would help them to hear what you're saying.

764
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.340
Spirit is saying louder than any voice of the enemy,

765
00:55:02.480 --> 00:55:05.020
and that they would see themselves more fully

766
00:55:05.360 --> 00:55:06.980
in their identity in Christ,

767
00:55:07.180 --> 00:55:09.400
that they would see themselves as rooted and grounded,

768
00:55:09.800 --> 00:55:11.140
Father, in your love for them.

769
00:55:11.560 --> 00:55:15.340
We thank you that, Lord, I just kind of keep hearing

770
00:55:15.340 --> 00:55:16.820
about the beard of Aaron.

771
00:55:17.000 --> 00:55:19.560
So Lord, we just ask you to just wash over them

772
00:55:19.640 --> 00:55:22.220
from heaven above with anointing oil,

773
00:55:22.820 --> 00:55:25.760
oil that heals, oil that redeems, oil that restores.

774
00:55:25.760 --> 00:55:29.360
We thank you, God, for bringing your hope

775
00:55:29.360 --> 00:55:31.300
and your truth into every area.

776
00:55:32.120 --> 00:55:33.560
Lisa, we've got three of you now.

777
00:55:33.620 --> 00:55:34.940
I don't know what's going on.

778
00:55:35.340 --> 00:55:37.500
Did you actually log out of the whole meeting?

779
00:55:42.500 --> 00:55:44.600
Oh, you're muted now, I can't hear you.

780
00:55:47.420 --> 00:55:50.780
I just clicked on the tab up above

781
00:55:50.780 --> 00:55:53.240
and just went out that way,

782
00:55:53.240 --> 00:55:54.820
and then I went into the app

783
00:55:55.160 --> 00:55:57.620
and joined the event all over again,

784
00:55:57.900 --> 00:56:00.440
but it just keeps taking me through the same route.

785
00:56:00.740 --> 00:56:02.260
Okay, I don't know what's happening.

786
00:56:02.440 --> 00:56:03.040
I'm so sorry.

787
00:56:03.300 --> 00:56:04.500
I probably am just at this point

788
00:56:04.500 --> 00:56:06.480
gonna keep you here with us and just pray

789
00:56:06.480 --> 00:56:08.120
and so that you can be blessed

790
00:56:08.280 --> 00:56:09.900
instead of feeling frustration.

791
00:56:10.180 --> 00:56:13.000
And then if you want, I would love for you to share

792
00:56:13.000 --> 00:56:15.700
with the group what your confession is, if that's all right.

793
00:56:16.240 --> 00:56:16.680
Okay.

794
00:56:17.120 --> 00:56:19.840
Yeah, I do see my name like two other times.

795
00:56:19.880 --> 00:56:21.520
It looks like I'm in there three times now.

796
00:56:21.520 --> 00:56:24.720
Well, I see you four times on my, well, three times now.

797
00:56:25.020 --> 00:56:26.360
But yeah, so Father, we just thank you

798
00:56:26.360 --> 00:56:28.900
that no matter what, God, that you're in control,

799
00:56:29.080 --> 00:56:30.580
even when tech issues happen,

800
00:56:30.860 --> 00:56:33.120
God, we just trust you in this moment.

801
00:56:33.420 --> 00:56:34.520
Thank you, God, for helping us

802
00:56:34.520 --> 00:56:35.820
to hear what your spirit is saying.

803
00:56:36.440 --> 00:56:39.020
God, I thank you for hope and life and truth

804
00:56:39.120 --> 00:56:42.220
that we would flourish in season and out of season.

805
00:56:42.340 --> 00:56:46.340
God, we thank you that you would help us to continue to,

806
00:56:47.160 --> 00:56:49.760
yeah, Lord, just go through that refiner's fire.

807
00:56:49.760 --> 00:56:52.220
And Lord, the fire isn't to harm us,

808
00:56:52.380 --> 00:56:55.040
it's to transform us, to sanctify us,

809
00:56:55.100 --> 00:56:56.780
to set us apart for your purposes

810
00:56:57.100 --> 00:56:59.100
on this kingdom, in this world.

811
00:56:59.260 --> 00:57:02.840
We just thank you that you're helping us be these vessels

812
00:57:02.840 --> 00:57:05.440
where your kingdom can come from heaven into earth.

813
00:57:05.760 --> 00:57:08.540
And I thank you that you're giving us all an upgrade

814
00:57:08.540 --> 00:57:10.880
in our revelation and our understanding tonight.

815
00:57:10.960 --> 00:57:12.560
We thank you that you would help us

816
00:57:12.560 --> 00:57:15.740
to receive your love in a fresh way.

817
00:57:16.080 --> 00:57:18.560
God, that it would go into all the cracks and crevices

818
00:57:18.560 --> 00:57:21.400
and the foundational areas of our hearts, Lord,

819
00:57:21.760 --> 00:57:24.540
areas that we can't even see that we need your touch, Lord.

820
00:57:24.600 --> 00:57:26.560
We thank you for the balm of Gilead

821
00:57:26.560 --> 00:57:30.020
being a place upon every wound, every struggle,

822
00:57:30.300 --> 00:57:31.460
every sin cycle, Lord.

823
00:57:31.560 --> 00:57:35.900
And we just thank you for revealing areas for healing,

824
00:57:36.340 --> 00:57:39.800
for ministering life and truth and hope in every dead area,

825
00:57:39.860 --> 00:57:42.000
every area, even earlier that I talked about

826
00:57:42.000 --> 00:57:43.760
where there's been this drought,

827
00:57:43.820 --> 00:57:45.540
where it's felt dead and empty.

828
00:57:45.620 --> 00:57:47.800
God, we thank you that just like the widow

829
00:57:47.800 --> 00:57:51.760
that her son was, you know,

830
00:57:52.080 --> 00:57:53.820
basically her and her son were gonna die

831
00:57:53.820 --> 00:57:55.900
because they had no food and they didn't have any money.

832
00:57:55.980 --> 00:57:57.480
And you sent the prophet

833
00:57:57.480 --> 00:57:59.680
and he just said, go collect your jars.

834
00:58:00.340 --> 00:58:02.500
And Lord, that the oil began to fill

835
00:58:02.500 --> 00:58:03.940
as she was collecting the jars.

836
00:58:04.200 --> 00:58:07.720
And God, there was just so much there after she obeyed

837
00:58:07.780 --> 00:58:09.500
and went through that process, Lord.

838
00:58:09.580 --> 00:58:11.480
And we just thank you for the reminder

839
00:58:11.480 --> 00:58:13.880
of your provision in that story, God,

840
00:58:13.900 --> 00:58:16.040
that you love all of us that much.

841
00:58:17.020 --> 00:58:19.480
God, so even when we can't see it right now

842
00:58:19.480 --> 00:58:21.800
or we don't know how you're gonna provide something for us,

843
00:58:21.900 --> 00:58:23.760
God, I thank you that you'll give us the trust

844
00:58:24.060 --> 00:58:27.380
and the ability to just thank you, God,

845
00:58:27.460 --> 00:58:29.440
for what you're doing and to focus on the things

846
00:58:29.440 --> 00:58:31.980
that we do see, the things that we can experience

847
00:58:32.240 --> 00:58:35.980
and partner with that you've already done in us and for us.

848
00:58:35.980 --> 00:58:39.200
God, that we would enter your gates with thanksgiving

849
00:58:39.200 --> 00:58:40.520
and your courts with praise,

850
00:58:40.600 --> 00:58:43.860
that we would lay down and aside every weight

851
00:58:43.860 --> 00:58:45.340
that so easily ensnares us

852
00:58:45.340 --> 00:58:46.420
and that we would press on

853
00:58:46.420 --> 00:58:48.320
toward the high calling of God for our lives

854
00:58:48.320 --> 00:58:51.320
and that we would press into being those people

855
00:58:51.320 --> 00:58:53.360
that think on things that are true, noble,

856
00:58:53.580 --> 00:58:54.580
lovely, of good report,

857
00:58:54.680 --> 00:58:57.180
the things that are above only and not beneath,

858
00:58:57.480 --> 00:58:59.840
that when we, Lord, rise up,

859
00:58:59.860 --> 00:59:01.840
that we would know that we're blessed when we rise up,

860
00:59:01.980 --> 00:59:03.280
that we're blessed when we lie down,

861
00:59:03.420 --> 00:59:04.500
we're blessed when we go out

862
00:59:04.500 --> 00:59:05.740
and we're blessed when we come in.

863
00:59:05.740 --> 00:59:06.780
God, that's who we are.

864
00:59:07.000 --> 00:59:08.500
I thank you that you would help us

865
00:59:08.500 --> 00:59:10.980
to receive a fresh revelation of who we are

866
00:59:10.980 --> 00:59:12.120
as your beloved daughters,

867
00:59:12.120 --> 00:59:16.020
even more tonight in Jesus name.

868
00:59:16.720 --> 00:59:17.540
Kalandra, I'm so sorry.

869
00:59:17.860 --> 00:59:19.960
I had showed that you had someone in there.

870
00:59:20.220 --> 00:59:21.220
It looked like they were talking.

871
00:59:21.660 --> 00:59:24.100
We had some issues with tech tonight, ladies.

872
00:59:24.100 --> 00:59:24.880
I'm so sorry.

873
00:59:25.520 --> 00:59:27.020
I don't know what was going on with Zoom,

874
00:59:27.320 --> 00:59:29.500
but I trust that God will give you everything

875
00:59:29.500 --> 00:59:31.840
that you need no matter what.

876
00:59:32.040 --> 00:59:33.460
Okay, awesome, you did get connected.

877
00:59:33.600 --> 00:59:34.340
That's great.

878
00:59:35.500 --> 00:59:36.980
All right, welcome back, ladies.

879
00:59:36.980 --> 00:59:39.900
I wanna give you your activation for this week real quick.

880
00:59:39.960 --> 00:59:41.520
I don't have any screen share.

881
00:59:41.520 --> 00:59:43.660
This one is simple to explain.

882
00:59:44.680 --> 00:59:46.240
I want you to come into the group.

883
00:59:46.500 --> 00:59:49.360
So in the last year single app in the community tab,

884
00:59:49.460 --> 00:59:51.420
and I want you to create a post

885
00:59:51.440 --> 00:59:55.660
about what God is asking you to confess and repent for

886
00:59:55.660 --> 00:59:58.360
and or repent for whatever it is for you

887
00:59:58.420 --> 00:59:59.980
that you have been struggling with.

888
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.200
So that again you can come out of darkness and into the light so that you can be more healed

889
01:00:05.400 --> 01:00:11.660
And I want you to know that what you share here stays here. Okay ladies really important

890
01:00:12.240 --> 01:00:17.000
I've had some people terrified to share like I don't know if I should say this

891
01:00:17.000 --> 01:00:18.920
I don't even know if I should leave this up in the group

892
01:00:18.920 --> 01:00:21.080
But I hope that those people

893
01:00:21.100 --> 01:00:26.840
it's been some people even in this group and that they know now that they are safe to share and

894
01:00:26.840 --> 01:00:30.320
Ladies when you comment on your sister's posts that are like that

895
01:00:30.320 --> 01:00:32.400
I want you to do the same thing that you did tonight

896
01:00:32.440 --> 01:00:35.700
You don't have to coach you don't have to advise you don't have to counsel

897
01:00:35.900 --> 01:00:39.260
I just want you to say thank you so much for trusting us with your story

898
01:00:39.260 --> 01:00:45.060
I'm praying for you encourage your sisters, but don't feel like you have to fix those and we're gonna all do that for each other

899
01:00:45.060 --> 01:00:49.080
Okay, everyone good on that. All right awesome because here's the thing

900
01:00:49.320 --> 01:00:56.220
The way we create a safe environment is by doing that because as soon as someone feels like everybody in the groups trying to fix

901
01:00:56.220 --> 01:00:58.340
Them that makes them want to just go hide

902
01:00:58.740 --> 01:01:01.420
That's that's typical. Okay, and we don't want that

903
01:01:01.420 --> 01:01:06.940
so the coaches will respond if we feel like we need to nudge you all for more healing or

904
01:01:07.500 --> 01:01:13.040
More victory and freedom than we will but we might just cheer you on and bless you for sharing

905
01:01:13.040 --> 01:01:19.280
It just depends on what the Holy Spirit shows us to do. All right, so that's your that's your activation for this week

906
01:01:20.220 --> 01:01:25.020
Um, Lisa, if you're willing would love to have you share first to kick us off

907
01:01:25.020 --> 01:01:30.560
Lisa had a hard time getting in her room and then yeah, and then Yash can go after her. Go ahead Lisa

908
01:01:31.500 --> 01:01:36.140
Okay. Um, so the first thing that came up for me actually when I was thinking about

909
01:01:36.660 --> 01:01:39.800
this is that I

910
01:01:39.920 --> 01:01:41.100
Okay, so normally

911
01:01:41.980 --> 01:01:45.920
When I'm really stressed out and it tends to be around fear of failure

912
01:01:46.420 --> 01:01:50.180
And so I'm getting ready to launch a business and there's a lot of fear that's been coming up about that

913
01:01:52.460 --> 01:01:54.620
Even though God told me to do it

914
01:01:55.840 --> 01:02:00.380
Normally what I saw myself doing is I would find YouTube videos on

915
01:02:02.160 --> 01:02:07.620
Travel or some, you know interior design or something that I'm interested in and I

916
01:02:08.900 --> 01:02:16.080
Would sit there and watch for I would binge watch basically and so I stopped doing that and I've gotten a lot better

917
01:02:17.340 --> 01:02:22.340
But last night what was really interesting and it's something I'm trying to get to the root of so I kind of wanted to bring

918
01:02:22.340 --> 01:02:29.580
up is that I actually went and did this really fun thing, which was to go watch this firework show and

919
01:02:30.440 --> 01:02:36.660
Near Santa Cruz about a half hour from me and it was so amazing. I came home. I was so excited

920
01:02:36.660 --> 01:02:43.380
I could feel God with me the whole time. So happy I got home and then you know, it's like 10 o'clock at night and

921
01:02:44.900 --> 01:02:45.460
I

922
01:02:45.460 --> 01:02:50.320
Decided to watch a video and I could have easily just gone to bed like I was tired enough

923
01:02:50.320 --> 01:02:55.780
You know, I'm ready to go but I didn't and you guys I stayed up until like 2 30 in the morning

924
01:02:56.580 --> 01:03:00.440
Watching. I think I fell asleep through half this stuff. I don't even know what happened

925
01:03:01.380 --> 01:03:01.900
but

926
01:03:02.380 --> 01:03:05.360
what I was wondering to myself is like

927
01:03:06.400 --> 01:03:09.520
Why was I binge watching when I was so happy?

928
01:03:10.420 --> 01:03:12.080
Normally, I've binge watched when I'm

929
01:03:12.620 --> 01:03:13.660
stressed or fearful

930
01:03:13.660 --> 01:03:20.680
So, I I don't really know what's behind all that the first thing that I thought was like maybe this is self-sabotage

931
01:03:20.940 --> 01:03:23.220
And it's without me realizing it

932
01:03:23.860 --> 01:03:28.860
I don't know because I will say even when I would binge watch from just fear of you know

933
01:03:28.860 --> 01:03:31.180
launching this business is that

934
01:03:32.040 --> 01:03:35.660
It robbed me of my sleep. I didn't feel refreshed in the morning

935
01:03:35.660 --> 01:03:39.480
There's like a lot of negative side effects to that. And so

936
01:03:39.480 --> 01:03:43.560
Anyway, I'm not sure what this is all about, but I just want to thank you all for listening

937
01:03:44.440 --> 01:03:50.940
That's really good. And and this is the thing. I want everyone to understand is they don't always have to be big massive things

938
01:03:50.940 --> 01:03:56.680
It's not wrong for her to watch a travel video. Okay, but where it becomes like a

939
01:03:57.680 --> 01:04:04.020
Hindrance, let's let me use that word when where it becomes a hindrance to us is when it becomes out of balance

940
01:04:04.420 --> 01:04:05.760
where we don't

941
01:04:05.760 --> 01:04:12.020
Like even when we know that we're actually feeling more tired from watching watching watching watching and we should turn it off

942
01:04:12.280 --> 01:04:17.600
We keep doing it. Okay, maybe even sometimes the Lord might be nudging to us to hey

943
01:04:17.600 --> 01:04:21.800
Go read a book or read my word and we're just keep watching, you know

944
01:04:22.040 --> 01:04:25.920
So I I would say here's what came up in my spirit

945
01:04:26.820 --> 01:04:32.560
You went and had this really great time and you had all these like emotions and feelings that were good

946
01:04:33.340 --> 01:04:39.200
And sometimes when we haven't had seasons of that and then we start to have those good feelings

947
01:04:39.200 --> 01:04:41.640
We don't know what to do with them

948
01:04:42.980 --> 01:04:47.160
Mm-hmm, and so we can even at times hide from the good feelings

949
01:04:48.700 --> 01:04:50.780
Okay, so it is a form of self-sabotage

950
01:04:51.160 --> 01:04:58.420
But I would encourage you to ask the Lord if there's ever been another time where you were really happy and you know

951
01:04:58.420 --> 01:04:59.980
You felt that happiness and joy

952
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.120
joy. And then something happened that caused you to feel like you needed to pull back from

953
01:05:08.120 --> 01:05:14.960
that thing. Because here's the thing, it makes me think of my oldest spiritual daughter,

954
01:05:15.260 --> 01:05:22.880
you all. For those that don't know their story, my spiritual daughters came from the relationship

955
01:05:22.880 --> 01:05:27.340
where I dated their dad for six years and I've just kind of adopted them spiritually.

956
01:05:27.340 --> 01:05:32.500
So that's why I call them that. But I have a really good relationship with them. But their

957
01:05:32.500 --> 01:05:37.560
lives have been very like a lot of fragmentation, a lot of brokenness, their parents are both very

958
01:05:37.440 --> 01:05:44.000
unhealthy. And one of the things like, Michaela is her name, one of the things she said this one

959
01:05:44.020 --> 01:05:55.720
time, is she said, I'm not comfortable when like, there's happiness. And that was eye opening for

960
01:05:55.720 --> 01:06:02.520
because they've lived in so much pain, that happiness actually feels awkward. And I'm not

961
01:06:02.520 --> 01:06:07.680
saying you're there, right? Okay, because I think you actually did like the feeling that you were

962
01:06:07.580 --> 01:06:13.900
having. And you could tell God was with you. But then you come home. And even though you were out

963
01:06:13.900 --> 01:06:25.700
and about and you were alone, now you came home and you're alone. Okay. And sometimes in our home

964
01:06:25.700 --> 01:06:30.340
is like, you know, I'm not comfortable with the loneliness factor. And so instead of enjoying

965
01:06:30.340 --> 01:06:36.320
those good feelings and not knowing what to do with them, well, I'll just kind of do the habit

966
01:06:36.320 --> 01:06:42.460
that I tend to do. Right? And so even though you normally only do it when you're stressed,

967
01:06:42.580 --> 01:06:48.000
it's still a habit when there's a flood of emotion. So that's what I'm trying to say to you.

968
01:06:48.300 --> 01:06:53.580
So when there's a flood of emotion, whether it's stress, or good emotion, it sounds like your

969
01:06:53.580 --> 01:06:57.980
habit is to kind of go inward and binge watch TV.

970
01:07:00.040 --> 01:07:06.420
You know what I think's going on, I just realized is that so I live alone. I've been living alone

971
01:07:06.420 --> 01:07:11.500
for the past nine years. I actually I'm I do like my downtime. So that's good. But

972
01:07:11.640 --> 01:07:19.120
what I realized is that my because I work out of my home, I think I have a negative association

973
01:07:19.120 --> 01:07:24.660
with like, oh, this is the place where things are not fun. And so, you know, because I've been going

974
01:07:24.660 --> 01:07:28.500
through this for over a year trying to launch this business, I've had a lot of technical stuff

975
01:07:28.500 --> 01:07:34.680
happen. Some of it is not my fault like that. And some of it is self inflicted, because there's such

976
01:07:34.680 --> 01:07:38.680
a root of fear. And I know exactly what that stems from. It stems from staying back in first grade

977
01:07:38.680 --> 01:07:42.540
and feeling like I'm not good enough, smart enough, that whole thing. So I've been I've

978
01:07:42.540 --> 01:07:46.340
gotten a lot of healing that area, there's more to go, because I do see it still rear its head

979
01:07:46.340 --> 01:07:51.640
towards me. But I think that was what happened was, I think maybe subconsciously, I will check

980
01:07:51.640 --> 01:07:56.680
in with God about this. But I think it was like, I'm back home now, shoot. Yeah, like, you know

981
01:07:56.680 --> 01:08:03.220
what I mean? I do. And so one of the things I want to encourage you or excuse me, or anyone else

982
01:08:03.220 --> 01:08:09.500
this relates to, is to cleanse your space. And so what I mean by that is I want you to go through

983
01:08:09.500 --> 01:08:15.440
your your house, your rooms, and just start blessing them. Because even though you've had

984
01:08:15.440 --> 01:08:21.479
negative experiences there, that is not your forever. Okay. And so I do think there's something

985
01:08:21.479 --> 01:08:26.660
to say about us blessing our spaces. So for example, I shared it this afternoon. Y'all know,

986
01:08:26.660 --> 01:08:30.359
for those of you that have been here for a while know that we've been on this journey of

987
01:08:30.359 --> 01:08:34.880
ridding our home of mold and all the things and there's been tons of construction. Well, we've

988
01:08:34.880 --> 01:08:40.640
been moved back in for a month, and they're still not done. So our house is still in disarray, which

989
01:08:40.640 --> 01:08:48.979
I do not like. It's very overwhelming. And so I find myself checking out too, like when things

990
01:08:48.979 --> 01:08:56.720
are in disarray. But the reason I brought that up is because the reality is, is I get to choose

991
01:08:56.720 --> 01:09:03.120
that it's not going to stay that way. Okay, so I get to choose that even though it looks overwhelming

992
01:09:03.120 --> 01:09:08.040
right now, the reality is, is that we're going to get through this, we're going to reorganize it,

993
01:09:08.040 --> 01:09:13.399
we will get this stuff finished, and I can choose to live in that mindset and those heart postures

994
01:09:13.800 --> 01:09:19.479
versus Oh my gosh, this, there was so much pain here. And I have to be afraid all the time. And

995
01:09:19.479 --> 01:09:23.960
y'all, the reason I can say this is I've had to even deal with that moving back into the house,

996
01:09:24.240 --> 01:09:29.520
like not giving into being afraid that there's mold still here. You know, like there's there's

997
01:09:29.520 --> 01:09:33.819
all these things and we don't realize how the enemy will try to like just keep his fingers in

998
01:09:33.819 --> 01:09:39.420
this stuff. And so I want to encourage you to, you know, even pray about moving your furniture

999
01:09:40.100 --> 01:09:44.740
around. You know, if you feel led, just pray about what God might want you to change around,

1000
01:09:44.819 --> 01:09:49.060
maybe he wants you to buy some flowers and bring them in your house to cheer up your space,

1001
01:09:49.100 --> 01:09:54.080
you know, really make your space a new place for you because this is a new season.

1002
01:09:55.840 --> 01:09:59.980
Okay. All right. I think that'll be really helpful. But do pray into that as well.

1003
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.960
and see what else God might want to show you, okay?

1004
01:10:03.160 --> 01:10:04.340
Okay, thank you so much, Bethany.

1005
01:10:04.440 --> 01:10:05.400
I really appreciate it.

1006
01:10:05.880 --> 01:10:06.400
You're welcome.

1007
01:10:07.020 --> 01:10:07.760
God bless you.

1008
01:10:08.120 --> 01:10:08.700
Yash, go ahead.

1009
01:10:10.160 --> 01:10:11.040
Thanks, Bethany.

1010
01:10:11.460 --> 01:10:14.240
So I was sharing with beautiful Roseanne.

1011
01:10:14.840 --> 01:10:19.260
So what I wanted to confess was about fantasizing.

1012
01:10:20.120 --> 01:10:22.060
So I grew up in South Asia,

1013
01:10:22.180 --> 01:10:24.880
though I'm in Hong Kong right now for the past six years.

1014
01:10:25.340 --> 01:10:27.740
So when I lived in South Asia,

1015
01:10:28.420 --> 01:10:31.300
I was brought up, raised in a very strict household.

1016
01:10:32.160 --> 01:10:34.260
So I don't know whether y'all have heard

1017
01:10:34.260 --> 01:10:35.540
South Asian parents, it's,

1018
01:10:36.260 --> 01:10:38.080
I mean, their mode of punishment and discipline

1019
01:10:38.080 --> 01:10:39.340
is like, we get beaten.

1020
01:10:40.060 --> 01:10:41.640
We had canes in the house, so,

1021
01:10:41.860 --> 01:10:43.660
because that's how they were raised as well.

1022
01:10:44.340 --> 01:10:47.640
So, and we, at a phase in our lives,

1023
01:10:47.640 --> 01:10:50.140
when I was growing up, we struggled financially.

1024
01:10:50.580 --> 01:10:54.520
So I, as a kid, I made it a habit of fantasizing

1025
01:10:55.440 --> 01:10:57.880
about a bigger life, doing big things.

1026
01:10:58.800 --> 01:11:01.500
And I was, I'm an only child as well.

1027
01:11:02.000 --> 01:11:05.080
So, I mean, it did help me to achieve a lot of things,

1028
01:11:05.380 --> 01:11:07.120
study well, and get a good job.

1029
01:11:07.160 --> 01:11:09.460
And God really blessed me with a good job

1030
01:11:09.480 --> 01:11:12.400
and blessed me all these years.

1031
01:11:12.780 --> 01:11:14.340
And I'm in Hong Kong right now.

1032
01:11:15.180 --> 01:11:19.580
But this fantasizing habit kind of bled into other areas

1033
01:11:19.580 --> 01:11:20.820
like relationships.

1034
01:11:21.820 --> 01:11:23.700
So even when I was just,

1035
01:11:24.460 --> 01:11:26.760
when I pray and I break off soul ties of relationships

1036
01:11:26.760 --> 01:11:28.480
that I shouldn't have been,

1037
01:11:29.240 --> 01:11:31.320
and sometimes I catch myself fantasizing

1038
01:11:31.320 --> 01:11:33.300
about the things that in the past,

1039
01:11:33.680 --> 01:11:35.320
and also if I have a crush on someone,

1040
01:11:35.880 --> 01:11:38.660
I kind of, you know, take over

1041
01:11:38.660 --> 01:11:43.060
and kind of like go ahead and fantasize about it.

1042
01:11:43.060 --> 01:11:47.160
So I think it's kind of something that I've used

1043
01:11:47.160 --> 01:11:49.420
to numb myself or make myself happy,

1044
01:11:49.420 --> 01:11:51.220
which I feel very uncomfortable.

1045
01:11:51.460 --> 01:11:55.300
And I'm really, really praying to get rid of that habit.

1046
01:11:55.800 --> 01:12:03.120
And I can also relate to the binge watching of TV

1047
01:12:03.120 --> 01:12:05.160
because I live by myself.

1048
01:12:05.520 --> 01:12:07.700
So, I mean, because there's no noise in the house

1049
01:12:07.700 --> 01:12:08.680
when I come back from home,

1050
01:12:08.680 --> 01:12:10.660
I just put a YouTube or something

1051
01:12:10.660 --> 01:12:12.040
because there's noise in the house.

1052
01:12:12.120 --> 01:12:14.900
While I do some work or something like that,

1053
01:12:15.060 --> 01:12:16.240
the TV is on.

1054
01:12:16.240 --> 01:12:20.380
And sometimes I kind of just binge watch till very late

1055
01:12:20.420 --> 01:12:21.940
and sleep really late.

1056
01:12:22.280 --> 01:12:26.160
So I just want to understand if there's any helpful tips

1057
01:12:26.160 --> 01:12:29.540
that I can actually pray and get delivered off.

1058
01:12:30.360 --> 01:12:32.680
Yeah, so my question first for you is,

1059
01:12:32.800 --> 01:12:34.500
do you not like silence?

1060
01:12:35.340 --> 01:12:37.400
Like when there's silence in the house,

1061
01:12:38.500 --> 01:12:40.220
what happens in you?

1062
01:12:40.260 --> 01:12:41.820
Like, how do you feel?

1063
01:12:43.420 --> 01:12:44.220
I feel lonely.

1064
01:12:44.300 --> 01:12:45.420
That's a very good question.

1065
01:12:46.440 --> 01:12:46.880
Yeah.

1066
01:12:47.580 --> 01:12:50.300
So the reason I asked you that is you said,

1067
01:12:50.320 --> 01:12:52.340
as soon as I come home, I turn the TV on.

1068
01:12:52.380 --> 01:12:53.920
I have another friend that does the same thing

1069
01:12:53.920 --> 01:12:55.540
and I understand why people do it.

1070
01:12:56.560 --> 01:12:58.060
But here's the reality.

1071
01:12:58.260 --> 01:12:59.840
If we always do that,

1072
01:12:59.980 --> 01:13:01.340
then we're not really ever getting

1073
01:13:01.340 --> 01:13:02.500
to the root of the matter.

1074
01:13:02.600 --> 01:13:04.040
And it's that we feel lonely.

1075
01:13:05.220 --> 01:13:08.380
And God wants to set us free from that deep loneliness.

1076
01:13:08.840 --> 01:13:10.800
I went through very similar things

1077
01:13:10.800 --> 01:13:12.300
when I was living by myself.

1078
01:13:12.900 --> 01:13:14.940
And literally it was painful at times,

1079
01:13:14.940 --> 01:13:16.080
how lonely I would feel.

1080
01:13:17.780 --> 01:13:20.120
And I would watch TV,

1081
01:13:20.140 --> 01:13:21.540
kind of like what Lisa was saying,

1082
01:13:21.680 --> 01:13:22.680
late into the night,

1083
01:13:22.760 --> 01:13:24.340
even though I knew I had to work the next day.

1084
01:13:24.400 --> 01:13:25.760
And that wasn't even like me, you all.

1085
01:13:25.940 --> 01:13:26.800
Like I'm a pretty,

1086
01:13:27.940 --> 01:13:29.580
like when I got to get up the next day,

1087
01:13:29.580 --> 01:13:30.180
I go to bed.

1088
01:13:30.840 --> 01:13:32.560
But like in that season,

1089
01:13:32.560 --> 01:13:34.900
I was in just this mode of like,

1090
01:13:34.900 --> 01:13:35.660
I don't want to be alone.

1091
01:13:35.700 --> 01:13:36.160
I'm alone.

1092
01:13:36.220 --> 01:13:38.500
And I don't want like feeling like it's quiet in my place.

1093
01:13:38.740 --> 01:13:41.920
And so I was doing some of that behavior

1094
01:13:41.920 --> 01:13:43.040
that you're talking about.

1095
01:13:43.680 --> 01:13:47.200
But when I really prayed about like,

1096
01:13:47.200 --> 01:13:49.340
okay, like this is a problem.

1097
01:13:49.620 --> 01:13:52.780
And I'm doing this to mask something

1098
01:13:52.780 --> 01:13:54.580
that I'm struggling with.

1099
01:13:54.640 --> 01:13:55.600
And the reality is,

1100
01:13:55.640 --> 01:14:00.220
is I didn't even really feel like my presence was enough.

1101
01:14:02.060 --> 01:14:03.900
Now yours might be different,

1102
01:14:04.000 --> 01:14:07.540
but that was something I had to really like think about

1103
01:14:07.540 --> 01:14:08.500
and pray about.

1104
01:14:08.640 --> 01:14:11.500
And part of that is because I was alone a lot as a kid.

1105
01:14:11.500 --> 01:14:13.060
Like even though I had siblings,

1106
01:14:13.480 --> 01:14:15.820
I was kind of raised like an only child.

1107
01:14:17.440 --> 01:14:20.540
Like my oldest brother was nine years older than me

1108
01:14:20.540 --> 01:14:23.960
and he was gone like by the time I was like a certain age.

1109
01:14:25.000 --> 01:14:27.780
And even because of when they were hit by the drunk driver,

1110
01:14:27.940 --> 01:14:29.220
he was gone even before that,

1111
01:14:29.220 --> 01:14:30.060
cause he was in a rehab.

1112
01:14:30.400 --> 01:14:32.480
And so I spent a lot of time alone.

1113
01:14:33.600 --> 01:14:37.680
And there were a lot of like wounds of abandonment

1114
01:14:37.880 --> 01:14:40.100
and neglect and all that kind of stuff.

1115
01:14:40.700 --> 01:14:43.140
And we can experience abandonment, you all,

1116
01:14:43.280 --> 01:14:45.620
even when our parents are there, okay?

1117
01:14:46.360 --> 01:14:48.160
People can have silent parents

1118
01:14:48.160 --> 01:14:51.740
and feel deep abandonment and loneliness, okay?

1119
01:14:51.940 --> 01:14:55.540
And so we wanna get to the root of the loneliness factor

1120
01:14:55.620 --> 01:14:58.700
that's causing us to always to have noise on

1121
01:14:58.700 --> 01:14:59.980
because we are.

1122
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.600
afraid of, of our own pain, of our own feelings, sometimes even of hearing God, like, there's

1123
01:15:07.600 --> 01:15:11.380
just some people that, you know, they're just always doing stuff.

1124
01:15:11.380 --> 01:15:16.080
They're always busy, busy, busy, busy, because if they ever slow down, then they have to

1125
01:15:16.080 --> 01:15:18.680
actually deal with feelings and things that are coming up.

1126
01:15:18.680 --> 01:15:20.860
And so they stay busy to avoid that.

1127
01:15:20.900 --> 01:15:29.980
And so I would even say some of the fantasizing and things that are happening, you're, it's

1128
01:15:31.060 --> 01:15:36.620
And so I want to encourage you to track those thoughts, okay?

1129
01:15:37.260 --> 01:15:42.920
And I want you to pay attention to when you have those thoughts the most, like, is it

1130
01:15:42.920 --> 01:15:44.100
when you wake up in the morning?

1131
01:15:44.300 --> 01:15:45.800
Is it when you're tired at night?

1132
01:15:46.020 --> 01:15:49.920
Is it when you're bored at work, you know, whatever it is, and I'm not saying you're

1133
01:15:49.920 --> 01:15:53.240
bored at work, but like tracking when those are happening for you.

1134
01:15:53.420 --> 01:15:59.440
And then also, are there any other things that happen, you know, in your life that caused

1135
01:15:59.440 --> 01:16:01.960
you to then go into daydream world, okay?

1136
01:16:02.380 --> 01:16:09.000
Because sometimes daydreaming, which is what fantasizing is, but it's, it's kind of daydreaming

1137
01:16:09.000 --> 01:16:12.540
kind of going into like, no boundaries on it, right?

1138
01:16:14.220 --> 01:16:17.520
Sometimes we do that as a form of escaping as children.

1139
01:16:19.140 --> 01:16:23.520
Yeah, especially you're saying, you know, and I have heard just from students, I've

1140
01:16:23.520 --> 01:16:28.560
learned a lot from coaching students that are, you know, Asian ethnicity, and backgrounds

1141
01:16:28.560 --> 01:16:29.440
and things like that.

1142
01:16:30.120 --> 01:16:33.540
But I'm hearing you say, okay, we have the Keynes in the house.

1143
01:16:33.640 --> 01:16:35.300
This is how they were disciplined.

1144
01:16:35.500 --> 01:16:36.420
This is how we were disciplined.

1145
01:16:36.980 --> 01:16:41.140
Like, I imagine that was really hard as a kid, you know?

1146
01:16:41.780 --> 01:16:47.720
And so when we have these hard circumstances, typically we will create some kind of behavior

1147
01:16:47.720 --> 01:16:48.520
to escape.

1148
01:16:48.820 --> 01:16:52.220
And so to me, I think that's probably the root of it.

1149
01:16:52.220 --> 01:16:58.560
And so asking the Lord to come in and heal some of those times, even if, dare I say,

1150
01:16:58.680 --> 01:17:03.640
we did something bad and deserve to have a consequence, I don't know that God's consequence

1151
01:17:03.760 --> 01:17:06.120
would be beat kids, okay?

1152
01:17:06.960 --> 01:17:11.760
So and a lot of people misinterpret even that scripture and take it out of context.

1153
01:17:12.320 --> 01:17:17.800
And a lot of people will do like, you know, that one that spare the rod spill the child,

1154
01:17:17.800 --> 01:17:22.460
and they will get their flesh involved is the problem.

1155
01:17:22.840 --> 01:17:22.960
Okay?

1156
01:17:24.200 --> 01:17:27.380
Paddling a child in love is not a negative thing.

1157
01:17:27.380 --> 01:17:35.200
But when people's aggression and their anger is in there, and it's coming through to that

1158
01:17:35.200 --> 01:17:38.480
child, then that's a whole different ballgame, right?

1159
01:17:39.060 --> 01:17:43.640
And so I think let's ask the Lord about a couple of those things and see where this

1160
01:17:43.780 --> 01:17:47.520
might lead you next, because I feel like it's going to connect some dots for you.

1161
01:17:48.920 --> 01:17:51.700
And I want to give you a little assignment, okay?

1162
01:17:52.460 --> 01:17:56.440
I want you to practice not turning your TV on as much as you can.

1163
01:17:56.840 --> 01:17:59.040
Like, it doesn't mean that you can't turn it on at all.

1164
01:17:59.340 --> 01:18:05.000
But like, right when you come home, I want you to try to wait for like 15 minutes before

1165
01:18:05.000 --> 01:18:05.760
you turn it on.

1166
01:18:05.880 --> 01:18:11.300
And let's just try to start building a new habit, where it's not the first thing you

1167
01:18:11.300 --> 01:18:16.780
turn to when you walk in the house, but that you start to like experience your presence

1168
01:18:16.780 --> 01:18:17.360
in the house.

1169
01:18:18.000 --> 01:18:21.940
You have so much goodness in you that you can fill that house.

1170
01:18:22.580 --> 01:18:28.980
So even though you are physically alone, your presence can really make that space amazing.

1171
01:18:30.560 --> 01:18:33.480
You know, maybe you sing a little.

1172
01:18:34.200 --> 01:18:40.320
Maybe you, you know, just really pray or talk to the Lord in that time frame instead of

1173
01:18:40.320 --> 01:18:42.320
turning to the TV coming on.

1174
01:18:42.540 --> 01:18:43.180
Does that make sense?

1175
01:18:43.820 --> 01:18:44.780
Yeah, yeah, really.

1176
01:18:45.240 --> 01:18:46.160
Thank you so much.

1177
01:18:46.200 --> 01:18:47.000
Yeah, my pleasure.

1178
01:18:47.260 --> 01:18:47.560
Awesome.

1179
01:18:48.280 --> 01:18:49.860
Thank you for sharing with us, Tatiana.

1180
01:18:50.480 --> 01:18:51.040
Hi.

1181
01:18:52.820 --> 01:18:53.380
Hey.

1182
01:18:54.260 --> 01:18:58.060
First, I want to shout out to Amanda, because she encouraged me to share.

1183
01:18:59.840 --> 01:19:08.240
And the thing that was coming up for me today was just like a struggle with intrusive thoughts.

1184
01:19:11.020 --> 01:19:14.960
And specifically, like, sexual intrusive thoughts.

1185
01:19:15.360 --> 01:19:20.580
And what I was sharing with Amanda is that like, it's, it's been happening for so long

1186
01:19:20.620 --> 01:19:24.640
that I kind of have turned off my emotions to it.

1187
01:19:24.780 --> 01:19:30.320
So we're like, it won't phase me as much as it did when it first started happening.

1188
01:19:31.520 --> 01:19:35.240
Because I would be like, so emotionally distraught at first.

1189
01:19:35.320 --> 01:19:37.420
And I would just like, like cry.

1190
01:19:37.420 --> 01:19:39.720
I would just cry and I would be so upset.

1191
01:19:40.420 --> 01:19:42.000
And I'd be so like, terrified.

1192
01:19:42.880 --> 01:19:48.300
And so I feel like, like, I've been able to turn off my emotions to the point where

1193
01:19:48.560 --> 01:19:50.620
I can just kind of like pass by it.

1194
01:19:51.680 --> 01:19:54.680
But that doesn't stop the fact that like, it's still happening.

1195
01:19:56.160 --> 01:19:58.700
When's the first time that happened to you?

1196
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:09.580
It was my freshman year of high school in like August, September, something like that.

1197
01:20:09.780 --> 01:20:12.920
Were you exposed to anything different around that time?

1198
01:20:13.260 --> 01:20:17.080
Any kids at school expose you to something that you hadn't heard of?

1199
01:20:17.300 --> 01:20:18.600
Anything happening at home?

1200
01:20:22.400 --> 01:20:23.080
No.

1201
01:20:24.080 --> 01:20:32.420
The things that come to mind, I feel like I'm a very, I don't want to say sensitive,

1202
01:20:33.780 --> 01:20:36.040
but little things trigger me.

1203
01:20:36.380 --> 01:20:44.580
For example, I mainly watch PG and PG-13 movies because I'm just very triggered by little

1204
01:20:44.580 --> 01:20:44.760
things.

1205
01:20:44.960 --> 01:20:50.480
I don't know, I think since I started, when I got serious about my walk with God, that's

1206
01:20:50.480 --> 01:20:52.000
just how I became.

1207
01:20:52.500 --> 01:20:57.260
I was very much like, no, no, no, I'm going to shelter myself, I guess.

1208
01:20:59.240 --> 01:21:05.800
There was one time I was on this party bus that I didn't want to be on it, but long story

1209
01:21:05.800 --> 01:21:07.200
short, I ended up on there.

1210
01:21:07.640 --> 01:21:09.380
The whole time I was just so upset.

1211
01:21:09.620 --> 01:21:13.940
The music was just very sexually explicit.

1212
01:21:14.200 --> 01:21:18.080
I remember just being so scared because I was like, man, now this stuff is going to

1213
01:21:18.080 --> 01:21:19.360
be in my head.

1214
01:21:20.080 --> 01:21:21.840
So that came to mind.

1215
01:21:22.480 --> 01:21:26.560
Okay, so have you ever done a forgiveness prayer sheet to forgive yourself for getting

1216
01:21:26.560 --> 01:21:28.420
on that bus or being on that bus?

1217
01:21:29.920 --> 01:21:30.220
No.

1218
01:21:30.520 --> 01:21:33.880
I would do that because it sounds like that really impacted you.

1219
01:21:34.340 --> 01:21:39.940
One of the things I want to say first and foremost is that sexually intrusive thoughts

1220
01:21:39.940 --> 01:21:41.400
are not your fault.

1221
01:21:41.560 --> 01:21:44.280
It sounds like the enemy is attacking you with these things, Tatiana.

1222
01:21:44.660 --> 01:21:49.040
One of the things I think it's important for you to also recognize is it sounds like you

1223
01:21:49.040 --> 01:21:52.920
are an empath and you're not being too sensitive.

1224
01:21:52.920 --> 01:21:56.220
I think this is actually like you have discernment.

1225
01:21:56.220 --> 01:22:02.440
I think that you have a high feeler gift and those are gifts that will serve you in the

1226
01:22:02.440 --> 01:22:02.840
days ahead.

1227
01:22:02.840 --> 01:22:08.960
And I just want you to not be afraid of that or feel any kind of guilt or feel silly about

1228
01:22:08.960 --> 01:22:09.180
it.

1229
01:22:09.180 --> 01:22:13.520
I think it's great that you're protecting what's coming into your eye gate and ear gate

1230
01:22:13.520 --> 01:22:16.440
and that you're being kind of really careful about that.

1231
01:22:16.440 --> 01:22:21.780
I think that that is God's wisdom in you at a very young age and so I want to honor that

1232
01:22:21.780 --> 01:22:26.120
in you and help you to see really how awesome that is.

1233
01:22:27.380 --> 01:22:32.820
And so what's happening is the enemy is trying to assault your mind and cause you to feel

1234
01:22:32.820 --> 01:22:35.440
shame and guilt and condemnation, but he's the one doing it.

1235
01:22:35.460 --> 01:22:37.700
This isn't like you thinking these thoughts.

1236
01:22:37.740 --> 01:22:39.100
I really just don't believe it is.

1237
01:22:39.240 --> 01:22:41.820
But here's the other thing I want you just to pray about.

1238
01:22:42.840 --> 01:22:48.780
Because you are an empath, even if you're not the one doing things, if there is stuff

1239
01:22:48.780 --> 01:22:54.600
in your home or maybe even people that you have been around, I don't want you to get

1240
01:22:54.640 --> 01:22:58.460
fearful, but I just want you to understand that this is how it can happen sometimes.

1241
01:22:59.740 --> 01:23:09.100
And not that this is happening, but let's say someone in your home watched something

1242
01:23:09.100 --> 01:23:09.780
they shouldn't.

1243
01:23:09.780 --> 01:23:12.500
Okay, I'll just leave it at that.

1244
01:23:13.140 --> 01:23:16.720
That can open a door in the home and you live in that home.

1245
01:23:19.420 --> 01:23:23.700
I don't want you to get suspicious, but I just want you to pray about it and ask the

1246
01:23:23.700 --> 01:23:29.460
Lord to show you if there's any other things other than this bus situation that God would

1247
01:23:29.460 --> 01:23:30.260
reveal that to you.

1248
01:23:30.320 --> 01:23:37.860
But I also want you to just be praying and blessing like your sleep, like praying and

1249
01:23:37.980 --> 01:23:42.880
thanking God for Salem rest that he'll send his angels to guard and keep watch over you

1250
01:23:42.880 --> 01:23:48.880
while you sleep, you know, that he would protect your mind from the onslaught of the enemy.

1251
01:23:48.900 --> 01:23:52.680
Because again, it just sounds like that's the way the enemy is trying to wear you down.

1252
01:23:53.940 --> 01:23:58.980
Because then I kind of as you were talking, I can hear that shame and that that stuff

1253
01:23:58.980 --> 01:24:02.640
coming out because it sounds like this has been happening for a long time.

1254
01:24:02.640 --> 01:24:08.500
But I don't want you to numb out and avoid it because we need to face it head on.

1255
01:24:09.980 --> 01:24:14.240
Okay, and I want to encourage you, I used to have the same thing happen.

1256
01:24:15.060 --> 01:24:20.040
Now, mine came because the door was opened when I was younger from the abuse I went

1257
01:24:20.040 --> 01:24:26.480
through. Okay, so my situation is different, but I was also shown pornographic stuff by

1258
01:24:26.480 --> 01:24:31.160
my brothers when I was little, so I had a lot of stuff in my mind that was stored in

1259
01:24:31.160 --> 01:24:34.180
my soul and stuff that needed, you know, cleansed out.

1260
01:24:35.320 --> 01:24:39.820
But the reason I'm sharing that with you is even though my backstory is different than

1261
01:24:40.740 --> 01:24:43.280
yours, God set me free from that stuff.

1262
01:24:43.360 --> 01:24:46.340
And so I want you to know that he will set you free, too.

1263
01:24:46.420 --> 01:24:52.340
But I had to face it and I had to stand up against the devil and declare, you know, that

1264
01:24:52.340 --> 01:24:57.440
he could not have my mind and that, you know, putting on the armor of God, you all

1265
01:24:57.440 --> 01:24:58.860
putting on the helmet of salvation.

1266
01:24:58.860 --> 01:24:59.920
Guess what? That's.

1267
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.360
to protect our mind.

1268
01:25:02.340 --> 01:25:04.120
And it's important for us to, you know,

1269
01:25:04.120 --> 01:25:05.620
put the armor of God on every day.

1270
01:25:06.080 --> 01:25:09.440
Y'all, I'm not saying I do it every single day,

1271
01:25:09.480 --> 01:25:11.280
but I do it almost every single day.

1272
01:25:11.440 --> 01:25:14.560
I put on the armor of God over myself and my family.

1273
01:25:14.860 --> 01:25:16.320
I pray for every one of my family members

1274
01:25:16.320 --> 01:25:18.040
for that armor to be on us.

1275
01:25:18.380 --> 01:25:20.660
And I really think that that,

1276
01:25:20.660 --> 01:25:23.580
and I started that long ago, long, long, long time ago.

1277
01:25:24.320 --> 01:25:26.660
And I really do think that that makes a difference.

1278
01:25:26.660 --> 01:25:30.620
But praying for God's blessing over your mind

1279
01:25:30.620 --> 01:25:32.500
and that Salem rest, if he's,

1280
01:25:32.620 --> 01:25:35.360
is the enemy tending to attack your mind

1281
01:25:35.360 --> 01:25:39.220
when you're sleeping or daytime the most or both?

1282
01:25:41.460 --> 01:25:45.920
I feel like it kind of has calmed down right now,

1283
01:25:45.920 --> 01:25:49.000
but when it was happening, it was like,

1284
01:25:50.500 --> 01:25:51.500
it was pretty random.

1285
01:25:51.940 --> 01:25:53.360
A lot of times it would be like

1286
01:25:53.360 --> 01:25:54.680
when I was about to go to sleep

1287
01:25:55.280 --> 01:25:57.960
and it would get so mad because

1288
01:25:59.380 --> 01:26:01.460
it would just like be triggered by like anything.

1289
01:26:03.100 --> 01:26:05.500
And so yeah, sleep was one,

1290
01:26:05.680 --> 01:26:07.960
but then also like whenever I was trying to concentrate,

1291
01:26:08.140 --> 01:26:09.900
like if I was doing schoolwork or anything,

1292
01:26:11.860 --> 01:26:13.340
even if I was hanging out with somebody,

1293
01:26:13.460 --> 01:26:16.040
like there was a point where it was just like all the time.

1294
01:26:16.120 --> 01:26:18.700
And like, I felt like I couldn't exist.

1295
01:26:20.920 --> 01:26:25.340
But I do want to say like now that you mentioned

1296
01:26:25.780 --> 01:26:27.860
kind of like doors being open in the past,

1297
01:26:28.540 --> 01:26:31.000
like I have been through situations where

1298
01:26:32.060 --> 01:26:34.840
like I was like sexually harassed.

1299
01:26:36.160 --> 01:26:38.960
And so like, I can see that being a door,

1300
01:26:39.060 --> 01:26:41.440
but then like another thing that comes to mind

1301
01:26:41.720 --> 01:26:43.160
was when I was in middle school,

1302
01:26:43.180 --> 01:26:45.420
I had a teacher who like,

1303
01:26:45.900 --> 01:26:47.700
I'm pretty sure he was a pedophile.

1304
01:26:48.200 --> 01:26:48.680
And like, I was like,

1305
01:26:48.680 --> 01:26:51.120
and like, I hated being in his class so much.

1306
01:26:51.800 --> 01:26:54.000
And I did a forgiveness prayer for him,

1307
01:26:54.080 --> 01:26:57.600
but like, I just remember like the feeling of

1308
01:26:58.660 --> 01:27:01.800
like reaching out to other like authority in the school

1309
01:27:01.800 --> 01:27:04.220
and like talking to people about like,

1310
01:27:04.300 --> 01:27:06.600
hey, like nobody feels comfortable in this guy's class.

1311
01:27:06.760 --> 01:27:09.160
And like, just like not,

1312
01:27:09.980 --> 01:27:12.040
like nobody believed us.

1313
01:27:12.740 --> 01:27:14.400
Because there was like a couple of girls

1314
01:27:14.400 --> 01:27:16.580
that had like come up to me and told me things.

1315
01:27:16.580 --> 01:27:18.980
And so like, I just remember like,

1316
01:27:19.040 --> 01:27:20.820
like feeling fear around that.

1317
01:27:20.880 --> 01:27:22.820
And then I think too,

1318
01:27:24.400 --> 01:27:27.220
whenever like I was sexually harassed,

1319
01:27:27.220 --> 01:27:29.360
it was like, it happened multiple times

1320
01:27:29.360 --> 01:27:30.820
by like different people.

1321
01:27:31.440 --> 01:27:34.280
But like, I literally started changing the way

1322
01:27:35.040 --> 01:27:36.920
that I dress because I was,

1323
01:27:37.180 --> 01:27:38.020
what you were talking about earlier,

1324
01:27:38.020 --> 01:27:40.280
like just scared of attention.

1325
01:27:41.080 --> 01:27:43.080
And like, even in high school,

1326
01:27:43.140 --> 01:27:45.480
like I didn't even start wearing makeup

1327
01:27:45.480 --> 01:27:46.740
until like my senior year.

1328
01:27:48.380 --> 01:27:49.940
But also like you said earlier,

1329
01:27:50.020 --> 01:27:51.880
it was like, I don't like the attention,

1330
01:27:52.080 --> 01:27:54.060
but then at the same time, like I do.

1331
01:27:54.200 --> 01:27:56.400
And it's just, I don't know,

1332
01:27:57.340 --> 01:28:00.260
but that came to mind as well.

1333
01:28:00.580 --> 01:28:03.200
I think these are very important aspects

1334
01:28:03.200 --> 01:28:05.560
of what was going on there, 100%.

1335
01:28:06.360 --> 01:28:09.200
But in addition, even though these were all

1336
01:28:09.480 --> 01:28:11.720
kind of sexually charged things, if you will,

1337
01:28:12.520 --> 01:28:13.780
the root is the fear.

1338
01:28:15.540 --> 01:28:18.300
Okay, and so I wanna encourage you,

1339
01:28:18.300 --> 01:28:20.120
now you've already done a forgiveness prayer sheet

1340
01:28:20.120 --> 01:28:21.280
regarding that teacher.

1341
01:28:21.980 --> 01:28:24.340
I would encourage you to do a forgiveness prayer sheet

1342
01:28:24.340 --> 01:28:26.720
for anybody that ever sexually harassed you,

1343
01:28:27.100 --> 01:28:29.920
but also pray for the Lord to reveal

1344
01:28:29.920 --> 01:28:34.260
the first time you felt that same kind of fear, okay?

1345
01:28:34.300 --> 01:28:36.500
So the fear that you felt in that class

1346
01:28:36.500 --> 01:28:38.600
and when they did not believe you,

1347
01:28:38.620 --> 01:28:40.620
which I'm really sorry that they didn't believe

1348
01:28:40.620 --> 01:28:41.620
what you all were saying.

1349
01:28:42.040 --> 01:28:43.380
I've been through that before.

1350
01:28:43.640 --> 01:28:44.960
It's really, really hard.

1351
01:28:44.960 --> 01:28:47.400
I'm sorry that that happened to you.

1352
01:28:47.440 --> 01:28:49.540
But the fear, I think, is the root.

1353
01:28:50.060 --> 01:28:53.760
The fear is the open door that's still kind of open.

1354
01:28:54.700 --> 01:28:57.020
And so even if sometimes you have fear

1355
01:28:57.020 --> 01:29:00.420
of that happening again, I want you to really try

1356
01:29:00.860 --> 01:29:04.040
to track that stuff and rein that in,

1357
01:29:04.040 --> 01:29:06.360
because no matter what, I want you to remember

1358
01:29:06.420 --> 01:29:09.760
that God is your defender and he's your protector

1359
01:29:09.760 --> 01:29:13.300
and he's gonna help you no matter what you face in life.

1360
01:29:15.080 --> 01:29:20.120
And then, yeah, I would forgive the people

1361
01:29:20.120 --> 01:29:22.600
that didn't believe you regarding the teacher

1362
01:29:22.600 --> 01:29:26.300
that you were uncomfortable with too, okay?

1363
01:29:26.340 --> 01:29:28.740
So we're gonna just try to kind of do a cleanse

1364
01:29:28.740 --> 01:29:30.080
from those situations.

1365
01:29:30.700 --> 01:29:32.980
And I'm so glad to hear it's not happening as much,

1366
01:29:33.060 --> 01:29:35.580
but I feel like the more that you get some distance

1367
01:29:35.580 --> 01:29:39.700
from that stuff and deal with the fear that you felt,

1368
01:29:40.040 --> 01:29:41.840
remember, fear has to do with torment.

1369
01:29:43.000 --> 01:29:44.520
Perfect love casts out fear.

1370
01:29:44.520 --> 01:29:50.420
So really meditating on how rooted and grounded you are

1371
01:29:50.420 --> 01:29:52.100
and can be in the love of the Father,

1372
01:29:52.300 --> 01:29:54.400
that the more love you receive from him,

1373
01:29:54.840 --> 01:29:57.260
the more that's gonna push all that other fear

1374
01:29:57.260 --> 01:29:59.540
and those unhealthy thoughts out.

1375
01:30:01.800 --> 01:30:05.900
It's like filling, if you all can picture a glass, if I had a clear glass, I have this

1376
01:30:05.900 --> 01:30:10.720
glass, but if I had a pitcher, imagine that this glass is empty and I had a pitcher of

1377
01:30:11.380 --> 01:30:16.140
water and I, well, okay, let me, the glass is empty, but it's got some dirt in it.

1378
01:30:16.140 --> 01:30:16.460
Okay.

1379
01:30:16.460 --> 01:30:20.400
So the dirt is the unhealthy thoughts, the intrusive thoughts, whether they're our own

1380
01:30:20.400 --> 01:30:21.680
or the enemy's assaulting us.

1381
01:30:21.680 --> 01:30:23.640
And I'm pouring this pitcher of water.

1382
01:30:23.780 --> 01:30:28.440
Well, the more that I pour that water in, it's going to start to, the water's going

1383
01:30:28.440 --> 01:30:32.960
to look muddy at first, but I just keep pouring in clean water while eventually it will push

1384
01:30:32.960 --> 01:30:34.420
that mud all the way out.

1385
01:30:34.580 --> 01:30:38.880
All that dirt will eventually be gone if I keep pouring water in.

1386
01:30:39.700 --> 01:30:44.540
And if y'all need to see this visual, just to kind of, as a reminder of the infilling

1387
01:30:44.540 --> 01:30:49.780
of the Holy Spirit, when we continue to be filled with the Holy Spirit, filled with the

1388
01:30:49.780 --> 01:30:54.500
truth of the love of the Father and everything good that God is, it will push that stuff

1389
01:30:54.500 --> 01:30:56.360
out more and more and more.

1390
01:30:56.360 --> 01:31:02.240
And that is a good example of also red, the crimson red, the sin in our lives being made

1391
01:31:02.240 --> 01:31:02.880
white as snow.

1392
01:31:03.080 --> 01:31:06.860
God can literally cleanse us from everything.

1393
01:31:07.820 --> 01:31:07.820


1394
01:31:08.460 --> 01:31:10.660
Tatiana, thank you for your courage and sharing.

1395
01:31:11.160 --> 01:31:11.700
Appreciate you.

1396
01:31:12.320 --> 01:31:12.700
Thank you.

1397
01:31:13.320 --> 01:31:13.800
You're welcome.

1398
01:31:14.680 --> 01:31:16.240
Is it Maricela?

1399
01:31:16.980 --> 01:31:19.080
I'm not sure if I'm saying that right.

1400
01:31:19.280 --> 01:31:20.300
Yes, it's Maricela.

1401
01:31:20.780 --> 01:31:21.360
All right.

1402
01:31:21.420 --> 01:31:21.900
Awesome.

1403
01:31:21.980 --> 01:31:23.340
We'd love to hear what you have to say.

1404
01:31:23.340 --> 01:31:31.340
So I guess for me, this is my second week and a lot of things came up this week.

1405
01:31:31.640 --> 01:31:37.860
And I think mainly like not feeling enough and feeling very anxious and like expecting

1406
01:31:37.860 --> 01:31:44.800
something to change because since I was a child, like there's been tragedy after tragedy.

1407
01:31:45.580 --> 01:31:49.540
And I felt like I lived a life that is very chaotic.

1408
01:31:49.540 --> 01:31:56.260
So I noticed that my emotions can go from very, very high emotions to very low emotions

1409
01:31:56.680 --> 01:31:58.000
very often.

1410
01:32:01.140 --> 01:32:07.980
And I've had a lot of relationships that were also a lot of things went really bad.

1411
01:32:08.420 --> 01:32:13.460
And the only relationship that I did have that was good, I pushed it away and I sabotaged

1412
01:32:13.460 --> 01:32:14.100
it.

1413
01:32:15.100 --> 01:32:20.540
So just really learning how to trust myself and others, men and women, because I haven't

1414
01:32:20.780 --> 01:32:25.180
really been able to find healthy relationships in any form.

1415
01:32:26.260 --> 01:32:26.580
Yeah.

1416
01:32:27.800 --> 01:32:33.340
So when do you feel like when you start to feel anxious, what is like, what's a thought

1417
01:32:33.340 --> 01:32:36.460
that you're having when the anxiousness comes on you?

1418
01:32:38.360 --> 01:32:43.340
I feel like mainly is I want to feel connected to someone and understood and heard and just

1419
01:32:45.220 --> 01:32:46.880
not feel so lonely.

1420
01:32:48.280 --> 01:32:54.800
Okay, so when's the first time you felt lonely, like, like, far back as far back as you can

1421
01:32:54.800 --> 01:32:58.160
remember, and it's okay if you can't go all the way back tonight, but as far back as you

1422
01:32:58.160 --> 01:33:00.320
can remember, when's the first time you felt lonely?

1423
01:33:01.160 --> 01:33:06.560
So I was raised with four brothers and they just never, never accepted me.

1424
01:33:06.560 --> 01:33:07.940
They were bullies.

1425
01:33:08.540 --> 01:33:13.840
And I did experience sexual harassment from them as well.

1426
01:33:15.660 --> 01:33:20.720
I just always felt left out when it came to them and like even my parents.

1427
01:33:27.740 --> 01:33:28.960
Do you remember?

1428
01:33:29.200 --> 01:33:30.460
Thank you for sharing that.

1429
01:33:30.500 --> 01:33:35.340
Do you remember an incident in particular, though, like the first time you can remember

1430
01:33:35.340 --> 01:33:39.420
like you're saying your brothers, you felt left out with them?

1431
01:33:39.680 --> 01:33:45.920
Like, when's the first time you felt left out by either your brothers or your parents?

1432
01:33:49.580 --> 01:33:57.040
When my mom and my dad were splitting up, she got my stuff that really fast and I was

1433
01:33:57.040 --> 01:34:01.780
called ignored by her because she was giving him all the attention.

1434
01:34:01.780 --> 01:34:08.260
And then my dad was going through a mental, he suffered from schizophrenia.

1435
01:34:09.660 --> 01:34:12.860
So he was the only person that I was really close to.

1436
01:34:12.960 --> 01:34:16.960
And then I felt protected by even though he was not the best with my mom and my brothers.

1437
01:34:18.160 --> 01:34:24.660
And when they broke up and she was showing all this attention to my stepdad and not us,

1438
01:34:24.660 --> 01:34:27.740
I kind of was having suicidal thoughts.

1439
01:34:28.600 --> 01:34:34.060
And my little brother walked in the room and I was crying to him and like telling him because

1440
01:34:34.060 --> 01:34:36.860
I kind of needed somebody to be there for me.

1441
01:34:37.600 --> 01:34:42.940
And then he went and he told my mom and I don't know if he did it with good intentions

1442
01:34:42.940 --> 01:34:46.140
or not, but after that, they just kind of made fun of me.

1443
01:34:46.320 --> 01:34:49.680
They didn't take it serious and I felt horrible.

1444
01:34:49.680 --> 01:34:54.540
I felt like I was never seen or accepted.

1445
01:34:54.880 --> 01:34:59.940
And I don't know, I just, I was always scared too.

1446
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:08.180
go through with it, but that was the time that I really felt neglected by my mom.

1447
01:35:09.000 --> 01:35:15.260
Okay. Well, I will say, I'm really glad that your little brother told even, even though

1448
01:35:15.260 --> 01:35:22.180
that was hard and you didn't feel like heard or that they believed you or whatever, because

1449
01:35:22.180 --> 01:35:29.120
he might have prevented something worse happening in your life at that time. I really want to

1450
01:35:29.120 --> 01:35:33.340
kind of, even though your brothers came up first, I actually think your mom in that situation

1451
01:35:33.340 --> 01:35:40.840
is the bigger, bigger struggle because mom didn't seem to choose you. You felt close

1452
01:35:40.840 --> 01:35:44.920
to dad, but he had mental health problems and they were splitting up and all the things.

1453
01:35:45.260 --> 01:35:52.460
And so I want to encourage you. So the forgiveness prayer sheets are in the welcome area. And

1454
01:35:52.460 --> 01:35:56.260
then you also can find that under week four, even if you're not in week four, but you can

1455
01:35:56.260 --> 01:36:01.460
just find it in that welcome area. But I want to encourage you to forgive your mom

1456
01:36:04.540 --> 01:36:12.520
for meeting your stepdad really fast and paying more attention to him than to you. And let's

1457
01:36:12.520 --> 01:36:19.980
just start that process with healing with your mom. I want to encourage you to, as you

1458
01:36:19.980 --> 01:36:25.500
feel led also do them for your brothers. It sounds like there's probably a lot of different

1459
01:36:25.500 --> 01:36:30.300
scenarios that you're going to have to forgive them for. And so ladies, when you do forgiveness

1460
01:36:30.300 --> 01:36:35.400
prayer sheets, I don't necessarily want you to do them in general. So what I mean by that

1461
01:36:35.440 --> 01:36:40.040
is that you wouldn't just say, Lord, you know, on your forgiveness prayer sheet, I forgive

1462
01:36:40.040 --> 01:36:48.100
my brothers for, you know, sexually harassing me. I'm just going to base that off of what

1463
01:36:48.100 --> 01:36:54.840
she said. You're going to actually say, you know, for what they did that caused you to

1464
01:36:54.840 --> 01:37:01.820
feel sexually harassed. Okay. What they said, what they did, because that's where you're

1465
01:37:01.820 --> 01:37:09.300
forgiving them of the full kind of crime, if you will, the full offense. And it's important

1466
01:37:09.300 --> 01:37:14.580
for us to write those things out so that we can actually let those items in the, like,

1467
01:37:14.580 --> 01:37:19.840
start working on letting those things go. It doesn't mean that we forget that they happened.

1468
01:37:19.840 --> 01:37:24.980
It means that we're choosing to forgive because we've been forgiven. And so that those are

1469
01:37:24.980 --> 01:37:31.280
the first steps I would take, Maricela, because there, it sounds like there's probably a lot

1470
01:37:31.280 --> 01:37:39.060
to unpack here. And I don't want you to start to feel overwhelmed. But I do believe that

1471
01:37:39.060 --> 01:37:44.480
God wants to show you his love in a fresh way. I want, I believe he wants to show you

1472
01:37:44.480 --> 01:37:50.280
what true and genuine love looks like in the days ahead and all the things that you've been through.

1473
01:37:50.420 --> 01:37:56.880
I know it might not seem like it now, but genuinely God can turn your whole life around

1474
01:37:57.140 --> 01:38:03.740
and you can have a family that you love and treat differently than the, than the way that

1475
01:38:03.740 --> 01:38:08.460
you were raised in the way that you were treated. And I don't know if that gives you all hope,

1476
01:38:08.460 --> 01:38:13.160
any of you all, but that gave me hope years ago when I started thinking about the fact

1477
01:38:13.160 --> 01:38:18.680
that I could be that change agent. Like, even though it's sad and hard when we don't

1478
01:38:18.680 --> 01:38:22.920
have family the way that we hoped or things don't, you know, go the way that we wanted,

1479
01:38:24.260 --> 01:38:30.220
God can do awesome things in us and through us. So Maricela, thank you for sharing and

1480
01:38:30.220 --> 01:38:34.160
trusting us with your story. Appreciate that. And we're going to be praying for you as well.

1481
01:38:34.920 --> 01:38:39.080
I do want to say, I will let Catherine and Margaret go. I won't be able to take anybody

1482
01:38:39.080 --> 01:38:42.680
else after them, but I do want to go ahead and say for anyone that needs to jump off,

1483
01:38:42.680 --> 01:38:47.600
God bless you. I'm so glad that you are here tonight. And ladies, I know confession week

1484
01:38:47.600 --> 01:38:52.920
is a tough week. Okay. I don't want you to check out though. Okay. Stay in the game.

1485
01:38:53.500 --> 01:38:58.800
Remember, take one step every day in your heart healing process. God wants to see you

1486
01:38:58.800 --> 01:39:03.660
all the way through and he's going to help you take one step at a time. Okay. So stay

1487
01:39:03.660 --> 01:39:08.440
in the game. And I really want to encourage you to come into the group and post about

1488
01:39:08.440 --> 01:39:13.100
your confession so that we can love on you and support you in that. All right, Catherine

1489
01:39:13.100 --> 01:39:14.520
Clark, go ahead.

1490
01:39:20.240 --> 01:39:27.360
Okay, um, for me, like I'm noticing, um, I'm really, really, really, really, really

1491
01:39:27.360 --> 01:39:38.240
struggling with anxiety and fear. And like, I mean, I guess even making an idol out of

1492
01:39:38.240 --> 01:39:43.800
the Wingo V medications, like I am convinced that I cannot lose weight without this medication

1493
01:39:43.800 --> 01:39:51.220
at all. Um, I had health insurance that was health first at one point, got a job with

1494
01:39:51.220 --> 01:39:55.420
the benefits. That's what I wanted. I didn't want to have to depend on governmental insurance

1495
01:39:55.420 --> 01:39:59.980
with all the cuts. And that new insurance is giving me such a

1496
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.260
part-time continuing to cover this medication like my previous insurance was.

1497
01:40:06.000 --> 01:40:13.980
And I am terrified that all the weight and everything that I had lost from July 7th on

1498
01:40:13.980 --> 01:40:17.020
is going to just be completely destroyed.

1499
01:40:17.160 --> 01:40:21.540
And I am terrified of being back in the 200s.

1500
01:40:21.540 --> 01:40:24.460
And it's not even just I hated the way I look.

1501
01:40:24.660 --> 01:40:27.700
I couldn't keep up with my seven-year-old son.

1502
01:40:28.260 --> 01:40:32.120
I couldn't even keep up with his peers when I used to work with them.

1503
01:40:32.220 --> 01:40:33.880
I work with high school now.

1504
01:40:34.760 --> 01:40:37.020
And just all of that.

1505
01:40:37.400 --> 01:40:39.140
That's like such a big one.

1506
01:40:40.100 --> 01:40:49.900
And another one is really struggling to forgive my mom and my stepdad for I felt like kicking

1507
01:40:49.900 --> 01:40:51.160
me out to the streets.

1508
01:40:51.760 --> 01:40:55.940
I left Long Island to move upstate New York a huge reason.

1509
01:40:56.620 --> 01:40:58.620
I felt like they didn't care.

1510
01:40:58.980 --> 01:41:01.860
I felt like my dad and stepmom upstate does.

1511
01:41:02.400 --> 01:41:03.900
They would never leave me without.

1512
01:41:04.480 --> 01:41:12.020
And I have been noticing I've been noticing this over the weekend and everything that

1513
01:41:12.020 --> 01:41:17.220
my relationship with them is extremely, extremely strained that I'm always thinking they're

1514
01:41:17.220 --> 01:41:17.680
mad at me.

1515
01:41:17.680 --> 01:41:18.780
They hate me.

1516
01:41:18.800 --> 01:41:20.520
I'm the black sheep in the family.

1517
01:41:20.700 --> 01:41:22.040
My brother's their favorite.

1518
01:41:22.420 --> 01:41:24.220
I'm always thinking those things.

1519
01:41:24.220 --> 01:41:27.580
So it's really both of those things that are going on.

1520
01:41:28.960 --> 01:41:29.640
All right.

1521
01:41:29.760 --> 01:41:36.520
So I'm going to I'm the biggest thing on the fear of regaining weight is is really

1522
01:41:36.520 --> 01:41:40.780
getting a hold of those fearful thoughts and doing the best that you can to redirect those

1523
01:41:40.780 --> 01:41:45.460
and that no matter what that God can help you in the process.

1524
01:41:45.620 --> 01:41:48.580
I know that's not going to make everything feel better than that.

1525
01:41:48.580 --> 01:41:52.940
But that's I mean, I think the first thing is you just got to see what happens with the

1526
01:41:52.940 --> 01:41:54.000
insurance right now.

1527
01:41:54.000 --> 01:41:56.520
You don't know what's going to happen for sure.

1528
01:41:56.880 --> 01:42:01.720
And so the anxiety comes into play with a bunch of what if thoughts?

1529
01:42:01.820 --> 01:42:02.260
What if this?

1530
01:42:02.400 --> 01:42:02.720
What if that?

1531
01:42:02.880 --> 01:42:03.160
What if that?

1532
01:42:03.520 --> 01:42:08.640
And so let's just take it one day at a time and get remember, catch our thoughts quickly,

1533
01:42:08.760 --> 01:42:10.440
ladies, and cast them down.

1534
01:42:10.520 --> 01:42:12.240
And she's rather to believe what God's word says.

1535
01:42:12.620 --> 01:42:19.500
But on the thing with your mom and stepdad, the thoughts that you're having, they are

1536
01:42:19.500 --> 01:42:20.020
mad at me.

1537
01:42:20.020 --> 01:42:21.080
They hate me.

1538
01:42:21.200 --> 01:42:23.080
They like my brother brother better.

1539
01:42:23.080 --> 01:42:25.660
All of those things go back to identity.

1540
01:42:27.940 --> 01:42:33.760
Okay, and believing lies that the enemy is feeding you no matter what, like, even if

1541
01:42:33.800 --> 01:42:38.820
let's just say even if your parents don't have the best relationship with you, you don't

1542
01:42:38.820 --> 01:42:41.140
have to partner with thoughts like that.

1543
01:42:41.220 --> 01:42:44.580
That's just the enemy filling your mind with thoughts that are below.

1544
01:42:44.780 --> 01:42:47.760
You know, the scripture, I don't know if you heard when you guys were coming back from

1545
01:42:47.760 --> 01:42:53.400
the breakout, you know, to think on things that are true, noble, lovely of good report,

1546
01:42:53.500 --> 01:42:55.220
things that are above only and not beneath.

1547
01:42:55.500 --> 01:42:59.760
So those are the kind of thoughts that are beneath like the beneath kind of thoughts.

1548
01:42:59.920 --> 01:43:05.680
And so I want to encourage you to when you have those thoughts, again, stop those thoughts.

1549
01:43:06.180 --> 01:43:07.060
Not today, devil.

1550
01:43:07.180 --> 01:43:07.740
Not today.

1551
01:43:07.840 --> 01:43:11.940
I used to do that all the time just to help myself literally like, okay, I'm not going

1552
01:43:11.940 --> 01:43:13.000
to receive that today.

1553
01:43:13.000 --> 01:43:14.460
I'm not going to partner with that today.

1554
01:43:14.460 --> 01:43:17.680
And I would just put my hands up and literally tell him like a stop sign.

1555
01:43:17.680 --> 01:43:20.660
Like, you don't have entrance into my mind today.

1556
01:43:20.700 --> 01:43:28.180
And I would shift and partner with other things that, you know, he was saying over me instead.

1557
01:43:28.380 --> 01:43:33.700
And so I want to encourage you to really catch those thoughts.

1558
01:43:34.660 --> 01:43:40.960
And also, I can't remember if you've done a forgiveness prayer sheet about your mom

1559
01:43:40.960 --> 01:43:42.720
and stepdad kicking you out or not.

1560
01:43:42.720 --> 01:43:48.920
But if you haven't, I would recommend doing that so that you can start to like move on.

1561
01:43:49.160 --> 01:43:53.520
And when I hear things like I'm struggling to forgive them, that is real.

1562
01:43:53.740 --> 01:43:55.660
We all struggle to forgive people at times.

1563
01:43:55.780 --> 01:44:01.580
But remember, we're not allowing our feelings to dictate our life, okay?

1564
01:44:02.220 --> 01:44:04.660
Forgiving people is a choice that we make.

1565
01:44:05.820 --> 01:44:11.540
So Catherine, you can choose to forgive even when you don't feel like it.

1566
01:44:11.540 --> 01:44:11.920
Okay.

1567
01:44:13.140 --> 01:44:18.620
And so really taking your power back and standing in your ability that God has given you,

1568
01:44:18.740 --> 01:44:22.020
and he's enabling all of us to forgive the people that have harmed us.

1569
01:44:22.020 --> 01:44:26.780
It doesn't mean we have to be buddy-buddy with them and be super close, okay?

1570
01:44:26.780 --> 01:44:30.240
It doesn't mean we have to let these offenders back into our lives, if you will.

1571
01:44:31.040 --> 01:44:35.880
But he does want us and like literally calls us to forgiveness.

1572
01:44:36.340 --> 01:44:39.280
Like, we're in disobedience when we don't forgive.

1573
01:44:39.280 --> 01:44:44.340
And so I want to encourage you to step into that and receive everything God has for you, okay?

1574
01:44:47.160 --> 01:44:48.560
I can't tell if she's frozen, maybe.

1575
01:44:53.080 --> 01:44:54.880
Yeah, I think something went frozen.

1576
01:44:56.320 --> 01:44:56.660
Okay.

1577
01:44:56.660 --> 01:44:57.240
I think it's working.

1578
01:44:58.180 --> 01:44:58.780
All right.

1579
01:44:59.040 --> 01:44:59.980
I'm going to go ahead and...

1580
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:06.280
Go to Margaret, I might have to have you come back and catch. Oh, I think we lost her. All right, Margaret, go ahead.

1581
01:45:07.160 --> 01:45:09.120
Hi, thank you. I.

1582
01:45:10.180 --> 01:45:22.620
Was struck by things that others said, because this was my confession to, and I just regarding numbing and scrolling and spending extra time on.

1583
01:45:23.800 --> 01:45:28.520
Videos, they are fine videos, like, there's not their news or news items.

1584
01:45:29.900 --> 01:45:32.600
And so I, I.

1585
01:45:33.520 --> 01:45:45.380
I'm aware of this, and there are times when I just think, well, this won't matter. This doesn't matter. Right? There's little things. That's a lot. I know that's not true, but I, it's.

1586
01:45:46.320 --> 01:45:55.340
Maybe it's just because it's such a habit. It's hard for me to overcome that. I do live alone. I've lived alone for many, many years. I've never.

1587
01:45:56.160 --> 01:46:00.180
Been in a serious relationship, and I.

1588
01:46:01.300 --> 01:46:04.640
Made choices when I came up against.

1589
01:46:05.560 --> 01:46:08.440
Issues in my maybe thirties.

1590
01:46:09.120 --> 01:46:12.720
Or even forties to, um.

1591
01:46:12.980 --> 01:46:19.360
To turn and not deal with them. Right? So I know that I made those choices and I'm like, oh, my goodness. This is my fault.

1592
01:46:19.680 --> 01:46:22.440
You know, and so there's that and also my family.

1593
01:46:23.200 --> 01:46:27.180
Does this my all my mom, my dad, my brother, everyone.

1594
01:46:28.080 --> 01:46:31.080
Does this in terms of avoiding with.

1595
01:46:32.780 --> 01:46:39.360
Information or videos, or, you know, whatever things like that just so that's it's in the family.

1596
01:46:41.120 --> 01:46:42.520
And I.

1597
01:46:45.780 --> 01:46:51.120
Um, I heard you say to someone else to experience my presence.

1598
01:46:51.120 --> 01:47:07.920
The presence in the house, and that reminded me of when someone said to me, you know, in a prayer line, like, you know, you have mass, you know, like, you take up space, like, you have mass and I don't I tend to not believe that.

1599
01:47:08.200 --> 01:47:13.960
And so I'm just kind of throwing these things out there because I, I relate with these things and.

1600
01:47:13.960 --> 01:47:21.540
Um, I, I hope to have some hope I have fewer years ahead of me than I have behind me.

1601
01:47:21.820 --> 01:47:28.240
So, sometimes it feels like it's not worth it, but I know I know that's not true, but I get stuck in in it.

1602
01:47:28.820 --> 01:47:31.820
Yeah, it's never too late. Okay. You're still here.

1603
01:47:32.220 --> 01:47:39.140
So, God can absolutely bring your spirit may we have women getting married in their seventies and eighties ladies. Okay. So.

1604
01:47:39.140 --> 01:47:51.780
Um, God's not finished and he's working. It sounds like he's really, you know, doing some really good connections, even in what you're sharing tonight, you know, just the reality that you went through a prayer line and someone was like, you have mass, like you, like, you matter.

1605
01:47:51.780 --> 01:47:56.720
Like, you, you create something, you know, God put us all here for a purpose.

1606
01:47:57.080 --> 01:48:04.640
Um, and so the question I have a couple of things I want to encourage you to forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you made in your thirties.

1607
01:48:05.380 --> 01:48:19.240
You mentioned that, and that seems kind of like a big hangup. Okay. Um, you can't go back and change that, unfortunately, but you can forgive yourself and allow yourself to now just fully move forward in today.

1608
01:48:20.020 --> 01:48:29.080
Because if you keep looking back, like I ruined this, I, I'm not saying you think that, but just, you know, these thoughts that we think, like, I made this big mistake and now I missed out on all this stuff.

1609
01:48:29.080 --> 01:48:33.000
And like, we kind of go down that lane over and over and over again.

1610
01:48:33.080 --> 01:48:34.840
Well, the enemy wants that.

1611
01:48:34.860 --> 01:48:36.560
It's like a hamster in a hamster wheel.

1612
01:48:36.620 --> 01:48:37.560
We just keep going in the wheel.

1613
01:48:37.720 --> 01:48:38.380
We keep going in the wheel.

1614
01:48:38.720 --> 01:48:45.060
But when we forgive ourselves, we actually are taking the hamster out of the wheel, so to speak.

1615
01:48:46.280 --> 01:48:46.760
Okay.

1616
01:48:47.000 --> 01:48:49.680
And we're allowing God to come in and bring truth.

1617
01:48:49.680 --> 01:48:49.720
Yeah.

1618
01:48:49.720 --> 01:48:49.720


1619
01:48:50.320 --> 01:48:51.020
I think that's a good point.

1620
01:48:51.080 --> 01:48:55.900
And the fact that you recognize that the TV thing is family generational.

1621
01:48:56.060 --> 01:49:05.780
It also made me think about the fact that my mom, like most of my life, fell asleep watching TV almost every night for hours.

1622
01:49:06.340 --> 01:49:06.800
Okay.

1623
01:49:07.560 --> 01:49:09.140
Um, and she worked a lot.

1624
01:49:09.180 --> 01:49:11.620
My mom, my mom worked hard as a single mom.

1625
01:49:11.720 --> 01:49:13.720
So I don't fault her for falling asleep.

1626
01:49:13.720 --> 01:49:15.800
But it is something I saw her do a lot.

1627
01:49:16.220 --> 01:49:21.240
So that's a habit, a behavior that I saw as a young child into my teen years.

1628
01:49:21.500 --> 01:49:23.580
And so we do pick up on this stuff.

1629
01:49:23.700 --> 01:49:24.060
Okay.

1630
01:49:24.820 --> 01:49:26.700
Um, so that stood out to me.

1631
01:49:26.700 --> 01:49:37.900
And then also on the, you have mass, um, I want to encourage you, um, to really ask yourself if you like yourself.

1632
01:49:40.200 --> 01:49:42.020
Um, and I talk about that a lot.

1633
01:49:42.020 --> 01:49:49.080
Like we are taught in church to love ourselves, love other people, but a lot of times we don't like ourselves.

1634
01:49:49.740 --> 01:49:59.900
And the reason I'm, I'm, I'm like saying that to you is because typically when we start to like ourselves, we actually start to realize.

1635
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:02.100
that we bring something to the room.

1636
01:50:03.660 --> 01:50:05.560
But when we don't like ourselves,

1637
01:50:05.680 --> 01:50:08.840
we tend to feel like it doesn't even matter if I'm here.

1638
01:50:09.740 --> 01:50:11.620
Like I could be gone tomorrow

1639
01:50:11.620 --> 01:50:13.160
and nobody would probably even care.

1640
01:50:13.480 --> 01:50:14.780
Or things like that,

1641
01:50:14.780 --> 01:50:17.020
like where we just don't even know that our existence

1642
01:50:17.020 --> 01:50:20.340
has like all this amazing, wonderful power

1643
01:50:20.520 --> 01:50:22.320
and awesomeness in it.

1644
01:50:22.800 --> 01:50:26.600
And that God literally put the God colors

1645
01:50:26.600 --> 01:50:28.000
of the world in you.

1646
01:50:30.100 --> 01:50:34.260
And it's a lot of times, if we don't believe that,

1647
01:50:34.420 --> 01:50:36.520
then we show up differently even by ourselves.

1648
01:50:36.560 --> 01:50:38.800
So then we also show up differently in relationship.

1649
01:50:40.080 --> 01:50:43.420
And so I want you to just be praying into that,

1650
01:50:43.560 --> 01:50:46.100
like asking the Lord, if you feel like, you know what?

1651
01:50:46.200 --> 01:50:47.600
I don't know if I do.

1652
01:50:48.740 --> 01:50:51.260
Or I don't know if I'm that exciting or wonderful

1653
01:50:51.260 --> 01:50:53.020
or whatever at the root of that

1654
01:50:53.020 --> 01:50:56.000
is that you just don't think there's much value to you,

1655
01:50:56.000 --> 01:50:57.740
which means that we don't like ourselves.

1656
01:50:59.120 --> 01:51:02.000
That you would then ask the Lord to show you the first time

1657
01:51:02.160 --> 01:51:05.420
that you didn't like yourself.

1658
01:51:05.640 --> 01:51:08.060
You didn't like whether it was the way you looked,

1659
01:51:08.380 --> 01:51:11.200
the way you sounded, the way that you laughed.

1660
01:51:12.480 --> 01:51:15.660
It could be something that you did and somebody made fun,

1661
01:51:15.860 --> 01:51:18.120
you know, like just really asking him

1662
01:51:18.120 --> 01:51:19.960
the first time that you started

1663
01:51:21.560 --> 01:51:23.940
really devaluing who you are as a whole.

1664
01:51:24.320 --> 01:51:25.020
Does that make sense?

1665
01:51:26.300 --> 01:51:27.240
It does.

1666
01:51:27.560 --> 01:51:30.680
This goes back, I just think it's very generational.

1667
01:51:31.280 --> 01:51:34.120
And so I don't know, I mean, I've done a lot of,

1668
01:51:34.920 --> 01:51:36.220
I don't know that there's a first time

1669
01:51:36.220 --> 01:51:38.360
I think it came in very young.

1670
01:51:38.480 --> 01:51:41.260
When I was in kindergarten, I was afraid of my grades.

1671
01:51:41.620 --> 01:51:42.680
Like I had no value.

1672
01:51:43.060 --> 01:51:44.540
And when I was in school, I had no value

1673
01:51:44.540 --> 01:51:47.800
apart from my grades, which were very good.

1674
01:51:48.000 --> 01:51:50.460
So I was able to do that for a long time.

1675
01:51:51.580 --> 01:51:54.280
But that's the only place I had any value.

1676
01:51:54.900 --> 01:51:57.980
And it started right away, my mom told me.

1677
01:51:58.920 --> 01:52:01.920
So you just, so as a child,

1678
01:52:02.360 --> 01:52:04.140
without anybody saying anything to you,

1679
01:52:04.140 --> 01:52:05.260
this is just what you thought,

1680
01:52:05.340 --> 01:52:06.380
that's what your mom told you?

1681
01:52:07.160 --> 01:52:07.340
Okay.

1682
01:52:07.860 --> 01:52:12.140
She noted that like, I was so anxious in kindergarten

1683
01:52:12.300 --> 01:52:14.620
about the, you know, about the grades.

1684
01:52:14.700 --> 01:52:15.660
She told me that.

1685
01:52:17.160 --> 01:52:20.360
Is this something that your parents also struggled with?

1686
01:52:20.680 --> 01:52:21.960
Did that ever come up?

1687
01:52:25.040 --> 01:52:30.260
I think that there was just minimal relational capacity

1688
01:52:30.480 --> 01:52:33.400
in the family, in my mom and my dad.

1689
01:52:34.180 --> 01:52:37.940
There was minimal emotional maturity.

1690
01:52:38.880 --> 01:52:42.440
And so my dad was very smart,

1691
01:52:42.900 --> 01:52:45.340
is and you know, was very smart.

1692
01:52:46.040 --> 01:52:48.280
But I don't know that he tried to,

1693
01:52:49.440 --> 01:52:51.420
I don't know that he was reflective about it

1694
01:52:51.420 --> 01:52:52.680
to try to get out of it.

1695
01:52:53.500 --> 01:52:55.680
Did you, I can't recall, I'm so sorry.

1696
01:52:56.000 --> 01:52:59.100
Did you already do the silhouette activation from last week?

1697
01:52:59.420 --> 01:53:00.040
Or-

1698
01:53:00.040 --> 01:53:02.260
I had to miss the last two weeks, so I haven't.

1699
01:53:02.720 --> 01:53:02.980
Okay.

1700
01:53:02.980 --> 01:53:05.660
I would love for you to go and listen to the replay

1701
01:53:05.660 --> 01:53:06.700
from two weeks ago,

1702
01:53:06.700 --> 01:53:08.160
because last week was Roots and Fruits.

1703
01:53:08.300 --> 01:53:10.500
So two weeks ago was the silhouette week.

1704
01:53:11.520 --> 01:53:13.300
It's all about the real you.

1705
01:53:13.380 --> 01:53:14.740
And then the activation,

1706
01:53:15.000 --> 01:53:16.940
I think is gonna really help you, Margaret.

1707
01:53:17.140 --> 01:53:18.840
Because when you say to me,

1708
01:53:18.900 --> 01:53:22.160
the only place I brought value was my grades.

1709
01:53:23.140 --> 01:53:27.080
Man, I'm like, I want you to invite Jesus back

1710
01:53:27.080 --> 01:53:28.620
into when you were a little girl

1711
01:53:28.620 --> 01:53:32.060
and ask him what he has to say about you.

1712
01:53:33.180 --> 01:53:34.820
Because from day one,

1713
01:53:34.900 --> 01:53:37.700
it sounds like this was an internal belief,

1714
01:53:38.080 --> 01:53:39.080
an inherited belief.

1715
01:53:39.540 --> 01:53:43.640
But he wants to not go only into your belief system.

1716
01:53:43.720 --> 01:53:45.240
He wants to go into your family line.

1717
01:53:45.460 --> 01:53:47.960
Like he can literally go in and out of our family line

1718
01:53:47.960 --> 01:53:49.220
like this whenever he wants.

1719
01:53:49.380 --> 01:53:52.000
But we need to start with you first, okay?

1720
01:53:52.000 --> 01:53:54.400
So we need Jesus to show you,

1721
01:53:54.800 --> 01:53:56.260
and God and the Holy Spirit to show you

1722
01:53:56.260 --> 01:53:57.720
how do they think about you?

1723
01:53:57.780 --> 01:53:59.100
What do they want you to know?

1724
01:53:59.640 --> 01:54:01.820
And I would encourage you to,

1725
01:54:02.120 --> 01:54:03.740
I mean, you can do it at your current age,

1726
01:54:03.820 --> 01:54:05.680
but I would love for you to start

1727
01:54:05.740 --> 01:54:08.380
at the point that you were the little girl

1728
01:54:09.180 --> 01:54:12.020
and ask the Lord to give you a vision

1729
01:54:12.080 --> 01:54:15.000
of how he saw you then.

1730
01:54:15.720 --> 01:54:19.000
And then you can kind of come real time now,

1731
01:54:19.060 --> 01:54:20.160
present time, if you will.

1732
01:54:20.780 --> 01:54:25.000
But we need to get to the core of when this started for you.

1733
01:54:25.040 --> 01:54:27.620
And it sounds like it just felt like it was always there.

1734
01:54:28.800 --> 01:54:30.880
Did you ever go through counseling or anything

1735
01:54:30.880 --> 01:54:32.300
when you were little for this?

1736
01:54:33.600 --> 01:54:34.340
Not when I was little.

1737
01:54:34.720 --> 01:54:38.600
I mean, well, I mean, I had kind of a breakdown

1738
01:54:38.600 --> 01:54:40.280
when I was in eighth grade

1739
01:54:40.280 --> 01:54:42.400
and my parents sent me to counseling.

1740
01:54:46.360 --> 01:54:49.260
The feedback that they gave was you can't get,

1741
01:54:49.260 --> 01:54:53.100
she's very, I was very out of touch with myself.

1742
01:54:53.700 --> 01:54:56.180
Like I had no, I wasn't in touch with myself.

1743
01:54:56.580 --> 01:54:58.580
And so-

1744
01:54:58.580 --> 01:54:59.120
Were you the only child?

1745
01:54:59.740 --> 01:54:59.980
No.

1746
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:11.960
Oh, but it was like, I mean, no, I had, I have a sibling, but if I were to describe my family, once I had to describe it, it was like, everybody is standing in their own corner facing the corner.

1747
01:55:12.720 --> 01:55:18.220
That's everybody was in their own world, except my mom was in the middle, trying to get everybody to come to her.

1748
01:55:18.880 --> 01:55:23.640
Okay, so that's, but I just think they, and that.

1749
01:55:23.640 --> 01:55:50.580
I mean, this is, this is bigger, but they just didn't have, they didn't have capacity. And so my, my realization of that caused me to think I should have never been born because they should have never gotten married because, um, they, when they didn't have the ability to do, to do marriage, you know, but then they chose it, like, they stuck with it, but.

1750
01:55:52.060 --> 01:55:56.920
Yeah. Okay. So we want to make sure that you reject that lie. I should have never been born.

1751
01:55:57.220 --> 01:56:08.240
Yeah. Yeah. That's a deep one. I mean, it came to me very quickly, very, but I tried to, but I will keep, I think it could still be sitting there.

1752
01:56:08.240 --> 01:56:24.760
Yeah, it sounds, I mean, you wouldn't have, it wouldn't have come up tonight if it's not still sitting there. Okay. So remember, though, we have to come out of agreement, like, literally, I want you to put up on like a post-it note on your mirror. And this is something I want you to pray daily right now.

1753
01:56:24.760 --> 01:56:41.800
I come out of the agreement with the lie that I should have never been born. God, I, I come into agreement with the truth that God, you celebrated the day that you formed me. You've, you fearfully and have wonderfully made me and God, I thank you that I'm here.

1754
01:56:41.800 --> 01:57:09.800
Like where you start partnering with life in living, because I think the reason that you were out of touch with yourself is that something at some point when you were little, and again, you could have been born with this. Okay. That doesn't mean that's the way God created you, though. I want to make sure there's a separation there. God did not create you to be like separated from yourself. Something happened that caused that.

1755
01:57:10.640 --> 01:57:28.460
Yeah, I think, I think there was just a lot of yelling and a lot of, I mean, my earliest memory is yelling people, you know, when I was maybe three being yelled at and feeling very insecure and crying in the home. Okay. So it's not your typical physical or sexual, but it, um,

1756
01:57:28.460 --> 01:57:29.800
that's still very significant.

1757
01:57:30.780 --> 01:57:31.200
Very traumatic. Yeah.

1758
01:57:31.300 --> 01:57:58.080
Yeah. And here's ladies and not that you were, you know, minimizing, but this is where it is really important. Like, it doesn't always have to be sexual abuse and overt, like, you know, physical, like, you know, hurting a child, but it literally yelling is traumatic. And it's scary for children. And that isn't the way that God created us to grow up. If you think about it, he put Adam and Eve in a garden. It was full of life.

1759
01:57:59.100 --> 01:58:28.440
And peace. I mean, think about when you go into the woods, how peaceful we feel. That's where God put Adam and Eve. So we were never meant to live with all this chaos and trauma and, you know, and all the things. And so it's very normal for a young child to be in an environment like that and start to shut down. Okay. But praise the Lord that you can come alive and awake, even now in ways that you

1760
01:58:28.440 --> 01:58:41.040
haven't your entire life, Margaret, I believe that you're here for a reason, you know, Esther four 14 says, you know, that for such a time as this, and I believe God wants to change the whole trajectory of your future.

1761
01:58:41.880 --> 01:58:54.220
Um, and so I want to encourage you to go ahead and, like I said, forgive yourself for that time you were in your thirties and, um, listen to that replay from two weeks ago and work on that silhouette.

1762
01:58:54.220 --> 01:58:59.820
Okay. That silhouette to me is more important than you doing a confession post this week.

1763
01:59:00.980 --> 01:59:03.120
Okay. Okay. Thank you.

1764
01:59:03.140 --> 01:59:15.580
You're welcome. Well, we had a great night ladies. Uh, Ada, I see your hand, but I, I mentioned that I was just going to end with Margaret. And so please put your question or, or your share in the group for me.

1765
01:59:15.580 --> 01:59:21.260
Um, I do want to close this down for the night father. Thank you so much for everything that you've done tonight.

1766
01:59:21.560 --> 01:59:30.000
God, I thank you for all the revealings for healing that have happened that are going to happen. God. I thank you that you're redeeming your daughters. You're setting us free.

1767
01:59:30.080 --> 01:59:37.200
God, you're transforming us from the inside out. We ask for a fresh infilling of the Holy spirit, God, that you would come.

1768
01:59:38.500 --> 01:59:50.240
And permeate your light into every dark area, God, that you would help us to not partner with fear because fear has to do with torment. God, we thank you that you've given us a spirit of love and of power and of a sound mind.

1769
01:59:50.700 --> 01:59:55.000
God, I thank you that as the ladies go to sleep tonight, God, that you would guard and keep watch over them.

1770
01:59:55.580 --> 01:59:59.940
God, that you would, um, just give them sail arrest. And we thank you, God, that you're the.

1771
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:02.840
great physician that nothing is too hard for you. We thank you

1772
02:00:02.900 --> 02:00:06.260
for supernatural surgeries happening in the spirit realm

1773
02:00:06.280 --> 02:00:09.980
tonight and in the days to come. We thank you for freedom and

1774
02:00:09.980 --> 02:00:13.520
truth and that you are the bondage breaker Jesus and that

1775
02:00:13.520 --> 02:00:16.520
you've come to set us all free. And we thank you in advance for

1776
02:00:16.520 --> 02:00:21.200
that in Jesus name. Amen. God bless you all. I'll see you in

1777
02:00:21.200 --> 02:00:24.560
the group. Have a good rest of your night, everyone. Bye bye.

1778
02:00:24.780 --> 02:00:25.100
Bye.