All right, this is Men's Heart Check-In, Monday, October 13th, 2025, with our guest, Christine
Sullivan.
So go ahead, Christine, introduce yourself, and then we'll go from there.
If we get into this, and I have some questions, I'll probably insert some things, and I might
even ask you a few questions that I wanted to kind of point out, because I think it's
important based on what we've discussed in the past with these guys.
So go ahead.
Thank you for being here.
Absolutely.
Thanks for having me, guys.
Such an honor.
I probably discovered you guys maybe a little bit over two years ago, and the heart work
was such powerful tools for me.
So grateful for David, Jackie, the transformation that they bring.
And for me, I have been, when I was 18, I started deep diving in the emotional, personal
development inner space, so I've been decades now, traveled around the world, got all the
trainings that I could get my hand on, have spent tons and tons of money on lots of different
resources.
And this, it's called Integrated Attachment Theory, is one of the most profound shifts
and tools that I've ever experienced.
The heart work feels really laced in with a lot of the principles that this connects
with.
So Jackie is so, it's fun to see neuroscience backing up what Holy Spirit kind of downloaded
to Jackie in the heart work tools, but it kind of combines a bit of neuroscience, somatic
regulation, and really about, it's about the core identity of how were we connected with
when we were kids?
So so much of our ways of relating to life, to money, to relationships, to love, to success,
to everything is formed in that zero to five space when we're first connecting, right?
So attachment theory is based on some rad experiments that really studied how are the
different ways that that happens in different kind of home structures, through different
kind of traumas or more secure atmospheres, and how do we not only recognize how this
is affecting our day-to-day life, but how do we shift them and regulate some of the
unhealthy coping mechanisms that are keeping us in the patterns that we really want to
shift, right?
So I have never seen things that shift those as quickly as these tools, which I'm going
to teach you one of my favorite, I was thinking, David, I'd teach them auto reprogramming if
you're down tonight, which is the most simple two minutes a day, you can do this and the
way that it actually rewires your neural pathways within 21 days, it will literally shift the
way that you're thinking from an identity core level, which is just stunning to me.
So I spent a lot of years taking every thought captive, and I was noticing, oh, I'm feeling
insecure, I'm feeling not enough.
And so I'm showing up in XYZ way.
And I was just, I'm like, this feels like a full time job, I'm spending 40 hours a week,
just like noticing my like thought patterns, right, and shifting them, rather than getting
to the core of them, and then rewiring them with some of these tools.
And then all of a sudden, all this headspace, emotional energy is able to be spent actually
connecting, actually living in my purpose, actually creating beautiful things that I
love and adore.
And I'm starting to see more impact.
That's the magic of this work.
So I'm curious how many people I'm going to do a start with a high level overview of just
what attachment is, and what are the four main types?
Can you raise your hand or pop it in the chat?
How many people know what your attachment style is?
And if you're interactive, oh, we got two hands, love it.
Anybody else?
Okay, I'm curious, with the three hands, will you pop in the chat?
What is your...
All right, we got a secure, David Wright, I see you, I love it.
Anybody else?
We got a couple hands.
Anybody else you know what you are?
Okay, anxious to secure, amazing awareness.
I love that.
I would raise my hand, but I can't figure out how to raise my hand.
It's in the react part right by the heart at the bottom.
You can also raise your physical hand, I will see it.
Okay, amazing, anxious, avoidant, awesome.
Okay, so you guys kind of have a grid for how this plays out.
On a scale of one to 10, how much do you understand how that actually shows up in your day-to-day,
in your relationships, would you say?
Do you feel like you have a pretty good understanding of that?
Okay, five, we got a seven, we got a seven, five, 10 out of 10.
David Wright, you know, you've deep dived on this topic.
Okay, I see you.
In all of your fasting times, you probably got revelation on this.
Okay, incredible.
All right, so tonight I'm gonna do a really, I'll do a flyby then of the OBGYN.
review just in case there's somebody that doesn't really have a grid for where they land in this
and anybody on the recording checking it out and then we're gonna go into one of the key so
integrated attachment theory basically kind of touches on what are the core wounds that like
identity stuff the enemy planted in us from the very beginning or different traumas right have
really like locked these things into us so i am not enough i am powerless i'm a victim to life
i can't some of those kind of key belief systems that show up and leak and sabotage all the stuff
we're going after also needs so there's every single human has five personality needs very
unique to them so when these buckets are filled in our life we are operating on all five cylinders
and we are feeling like i am energized i'm excited i'm passionate there was a hot second
when i tried to be a day trader i thought i could work in the mornings and trade and do really
technical charts and numbers and then the rest of my like day i would be free i'd make all the money
and then i'd go and connect with people's hearts and talk about relationships and feelings and
dreams and it was just like the worst plan in the world because it was so deeply out of alignment
with my core personality needs which are emotional connections spirituality health personal growth
romantic relationships when i'm talking about these things like i i could i forget that time
exists when i'm thinking about those things and learning about those things that's the kind of
stuff where all my money goes to and my time and my energy so when we i very when i literally
discovered this work i stopped trying to day trade which i never made one sentence the entire
six months that i pursued it and i pivoted my life to really be full time in coaching and
working and all this stuff and just immediately overnight there was just incredible favor i was
energized by my days i was giddy to wake up in the morning and all of a sudden i had life force
energy i'm like walking in my calling and authority so a lot of that stuff again comes from often the
five things that maybe we didn't have as a kid so there's that thing in us that's just hardwired to
what are the things that like we are drawn to so the needs and the um and the core wounds
any time in life that we feel life there's painful things happen life i just recently
tore my acl i like the book and the vision of this nfl guy i'm like receiving that testimony
maybe this is going to be a book someday i'm learning great things and there's physical pain
in that but when we actually experience suffering that's a different thing right i could feel pain
in my knee before when i've had physical injuries in the past i broke my head and i made it mean i'm
a broken human i create chaos wherever i go as soon as i start to get somewhere something hard
happens and it pulls me back i made it mean core things about my identity right and so when i have
physical pain all right that's something that i get to deal with but i can make it mean this is
opportunity for me to learn dependence on other people and receiving and slowing down and grace
and all of a sudden it's not it doesn't cause suffering i can feel physical pain but the
suffering really that we experience in life comes from one of two things one our needs aren't being
met so if i go even 48 hours with emotion without emotional connection in a meaningful way i'm like
on fumes you can see i'm like a wilted flower i'm like i literally cannot function and i can
the dishes and the laundry and important work projects and i'm like i just need i need someone
to hug me and i need to hear about their heart like and then in like one conversation with a
grocery store clerk i'm alive again so like those kind of things right cause this suffering where
we're not getting our needs met or we're actually telling ourselves a lie about what it's happening
like so we're making something mean a painful identity piece around us so we're telling
ourselves a painful story so those two things are a massive part of this i.e.t understanding how to
really set ourselves up for thriving other pieces are emotional regulation so somatically in our
body actually feeling peace and being aware of when am i actually anxious right and noticing
it in real time we're so used to thinking in our heads all the time right instead of noticing
hey i'm with this person on a date and even though logically on paper it looks good physically i feel
anxiety in my chest right so often we're not even really connected to to notice what is that anxiety
telling me okay like oh how do i listen into it right so the emotional regulation we also talk
about coping mechanisms what are the things in our life we keep doing that we haven't been doing
or that we don't want to keep doing that aren't actually serving us and why what's the like
why behind that and how do we unravel that at the root.
And we also talk about communication,
which is incredible.
Once we know our needs,
we know how to start meeting them for ourselves.
We can communicate that to other people around us
in healthy ways.
For some of us who didn't have needs met in our childhood,
it becomes a whole skillset to learn.
It's safe to have needs.
It's safe to communicate needs.
It's safe to show up,
especially in the Christian world
where we're always taught to just keep giving.
And sometimes in that space,
we're not actually caring for ourselves
and we're giving out of a place of resentment
and not out of like true, authentic caring for ourselves,
being able to love.
And then boundaries is the last piece.
So healthy boundaries,
how do we show up for us and really care for,
even the boundaries we're setting for ourselves
in all the areas of life,
physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually,
how good it feels when David talks about fasting
and showing up with commitment.
He made a commitment and he kept this boundary to himself
and how incredible that feels.
And that shifts showing up how we obviously do boundaries
in relationships as well.
So those are kind of like big picture overview of IAT,
the secret sauce that makes the biggest difference.
And if you can only focus on two,
this core wounds and this needs piece
are the two that will really move the needle
the biggest in your life.
And I can send you guys your email.
We're gonna talk about core wounds.
Do you wanna pop your emails?
I'll send you a worksheet bonus on the personality needs
so that you can deep dive on that later,
if you care to, it's incredible exercise.
But today I wanna talk to you about core wounds.
So we'll dive in, I'll do a little bit of a,
do I need to do, I can just skip right into the good stuff.
If we wanna leave time for question and answer,
if we want me to skip the overview,
if everybody kind of is familiar with attachment theory.
Yeah, I think we've talked about enough
or mentioned enough in this community
that it's somewhat familiar.
So yeah, if you wanna do that and save some time,
that's great.
Yeah, I wanna leave time for your questions and answers
at the backend too.
And we'll just dive into, so this basic,
let me see if you gave me the powers of sharing.
Yes, I see it.
Oh, I'm sending you a request, David.
Here's the, that is an unhelpful pattern
that you notice showing up in your life
or an unpleasant pattern.
So it could be something in you,
it could be,
you know, going on dates with somebody
that it feels like is not actually wanting
to emotionally engage.
Give me something that feels like a pattern
that you're like,
I would rather this not keep happening in my life.
If you feel inspired to pop in the chat
and share if there's something comes up
and we'll circle back around to that later.
And let me see.
Okay, beautiful.
Thanks, David.
Sorry for the permissions here.
All right, can you see my screen, everybody?
Yes, okay, beautiful.
So this is like a very basic BTEA,
we call it the BTEA equation.
So beliefs, our beliefs lead to our thoughts,
our thoughts lead to our emotions,
our emotions lead to our actions.
So if I have the belief that I am not good enough,
and I'm gonna show up on a date
and I'm thinking about all of the things inside of me
that don't feel good enough,
my emotions are gonna be filled with shame
and fear and anxiety.
My actions are probably gonna be defensive maybe
or over explaining myself
or trying to talk about all my accomplishments,
you know, instead of being really present with this person,
I'm trying to prove something, right?
So all of this, so much we talk about,
let me see if I can get back to see your faces for a moment.
I wanna give you this visual so you can see the BTEA.
But we talk about so much how logically we're thinking,
hey, I really, really want to be in a relationship,
conscious level.
But actually what 95 to 97%
of our real time decisions
are made from a subconscious level.
So all of these things we're talking about,
identity statements that started in our childhood,
it's actually the stuff that's running the show.
So if I'm saying, I wanna be in a relationship,
but underneath I have a subconscious feeling.
Like, I'm gonna be trapped for any of you FAs or DAs,
fearful avoidance or dismissive avoidance out there,
have this feeling like, oh, if I commit to somebody,
I'm gonna feel trapped, I'm gonna feel smothered,
I'm gonna lose my independence.
Then even though logically we're saying,
I really wanna be in a relationship,
subconsciously we're doing things like flaw finding
when we connect with someone and thinking,
all right, what is the things
that are wrong with this person?
And even if it's one teeny little obscure thing,
and you're like, this is my reason to shut them out, right?
Or different things like this.
So we wanna make the subconscious programs
and belief systems conscious.
And when we are aware of those beliefs,
then those beliefs are gonna create different thoughts,
different emotions, and different actions,
which then will actually change the substance of your life
and the real-time results that you're getting.
In dating, but it's the same thing,
how we do one thing to some extent is how we do everything.
So maybe if you're a fearful avoidant,
you can resonate with the hot and cold pattern,
oh, I feel really excited about someone,
and then all of a sudden,
like you're getting too much access
and you're trying to push you away.
If you're relating to that way in love,
you're probably relating to that way
in other areas of your life.
Maybe money, maybe success, maybe career stuff.
An open door opens and you're like,
what if something bad happens?
I don't know, right?
So this push-pull dynamic.
So we want to really get
these subconscious belief systems conscious
so we can shift them, have power over them,
and really it comes down to be transformed
by the renewing of your mind, right?
And that's where the Lord really can connect us to identity,
which is really wild because a lot of people will tell me,
for in the church, I had a lot of people tell me,
say affirmations daily,
which I was like an affirmation queen.
Give me something to do and I'm so motivated.
I was up saying my affirmations every day
and I didn't always experience the result
because there's more powerful ways
to shift our subconscious.
Basically, if we're speaking something over ourself
and our subconscious is believing
that it's super, super opposite and impossible,
it can sometimes create actually dysregulation
in our nervous system
and make things kind of go backwards sometimes, right?
So there's this dance of, yes, there's power in our words
and there's some really cool neuroscience
that when you are leveraging some of these tools,
it can work twice as fast as some of the affirmation stuff.
So, excuse me.
So I want to pull up this list
of the most common limiting beliefs.
And I want you to just ask Holy Spirit right now
as you're looking at this,
what are the ones that come up most often for you?
If you feel comfortable to put them in the chat.
These are the things that when we have moments
where have you ever heard somebody,
it's a couple and there's something where,
let me pull up this chat so I can see it.
Beautiful, I am unseen, thanks Jason.
Yes, the push-pull is so real.
Have you ever experienced a couple
or maybe you've had this experience in yourself
where somebody forgets to wash the dishes
and all of a sudden there's a 10 out of 10 explosion
and you make it, it's a really intense moment
between the two people and you're like,
this is not about the dishes.
What's actually happening here at a subconscious level
is usually somebody is feeling I am unloved,
I'm in disrespected, maybe I'm unseen, I'm unheard.
I told this person that this matters to me
and they didn't do it.
So these are this moment where we're not operating
as our conscious adult grounded regulated self,
we're showing up as our five-year-old child,
hey, I'm unseen, I'm unheard
and we're in this fight or flight, I am not okay.
This is, and from that place,
it's really difficult to even have
super regulated conversations to even talk it out.
So the goal is to get, and as many,
as much suffering, we talked about suffering,
these stories are connected
to how much suffering we're experiencing.
As many of these are going on at one time for you
and a lot of these, when I first started doing this work,
almost every single one of these was true for me.
As many of these are happening at one time,
the more suffering we're feeling.
So if one little thing happens
and I'm all of a sudden making it mean,
if I would do a client pitch and it wouldn't go well
and I would say, I am unworthy, I don't matter,
I am rejected, I am not enough, I am unsafe
because maybe I won't be able to pay my bills
and then I'm gonna be like.
out on the street as many of those things are happening at one time so much more suffering
is happening so slowly we want to diffuse these and do the rewiring so as many of these
with it that 21 day we want to kind of get the biggest one and start working on that rewiring
that and then slowly one by one we just start rewiring how all of these are working in our mind
and you'll start to feel a shift even within seven days of using this tool. I started feeling such a
shift I was mind blown so let me just pull up. Hey guys I really appreciate you doing in the
chat it's really great I want to see as many people as we can to respond there in the chat
at least one of those scenes can you leave that up a little more you got it yeah yeah yeah yeah
absolutely I just wanted to make sure I was gonna see yeah even though this kind of like
is the limiting belief negative negative it's important to really identify at least one or a
couple of these and don't be afraid to put it in the chat because what it is is you're just exposing
you're revealing something for the healing of it so you're exposing it being honest about it
and putting it out there so that you can deal with it and the way that Christine's going to
help you deal with that so I want everybody to try to put something in there if they can
yeah beautiful thanks David I see not feeling like I'm enough powerful I am unseen I am not
enough I am not enough good I am bad I'm on my own abandoned or alone weak powerful trapped or
stuck disrespected yep something's wrong with me I don't belong unloved yeah thanks so much for
guys yeah powerful okay so amazing so what we want to do when these things come up
is to connect with the opposite truth so how many of you have seen the life wheel
it's seven areas of life these are kind of if we break big picture the seven areas of life down
we have career financial mental spiritual emotional physical and relationship areas
of our life and what we want to do to rewire this is to all right does everybody have I'm
going to take this screen down let me know if anybody needs this um list anymore we want to
rather than just declaring the opposite over ourselves our subconscious speaks the language
of imagery and also emotion and felt physical sensations in our body so it is retrained
through repetition so what we want to do is pull up specific memories so for example if you have
the belief that I am unloved Joshua and you're feeling this at a visceral level okay the dishes
don't get don't get done and you make it mean I'm not speaking this over you but it means something
really painful right and you're feeling the pain of I am unloved in this moment maybe somebody
doesn't text back even in the very beginning of interacting in it for a whole day and you're like
I am unloved right this fear of abandonment maybe comes up so what we want to do to re-shift this
even to regulate in the moment is to pull up memories where the opposite is true of this
belief and we want to find 10 to 15 memories in all seven areas of life so total right so maybe
three or three two or three in every single area of life so if the core belief is I am unloved
I'm going to think about the relationship area of my life and I can think of in two seconds I can
pull up this memory of my nieces and nephews every Sunday we have family dinner I'm pulling up
to my parents house and they're running outside of the door jumping into my arms
I'm spinning them around they're shouting out my name they're giggling they're excited
in this moment you can probably feel it just as I'm telling it I my whole face lights up I can
feel joy expanding in my chest I can come back from the absolutely worst date where maybe I was
really disrespected it would be so easy for that to trigger I am unloved and I can go to this
rolodex of memories and in one moment I can picture Teddy and Crosby and their messy little
hands that are probably paint filled and they're like twirling around on my neck and I feel so
adored and loved and it emotionally I'm feeling it physically I feel in my body I feel joy showing
up in my face in my mind and we're the power of our brain and thinking what we think we create
is alchemy I mean I'm literally in that in that memory
and firing and wiring new neural pathways. I'm releasing dopamine and serotonin and
like all the beautiful neurochemicals that make us feel really alive and loved. And what happens is
when I park my car and go to my next meeting for work, instead of feeling the cortisol of
I'm unloved, I'm going to be abandoned, like the shame of, oh, that date went really awful.
I'm feeling a glow and I walk in and then my client meeting goes really different, right?
I'm meeting some, but I walk in the coffee shops on a regular basis and they just give me free
stuff. You meet really cool people. When you're cultivating the different belief systems,
you operate in a whole different frequency, right? And it shifts stuff. So this whole reality of what
we think we create, even going into a date and setting the intention, hey, I'm going to show up
and I'm going to be loved. I'm going to receive love. I'm going to give love and being in that
headspace right ahead of time. So being conscious of what are the stories that even as you're
driving to one of these moments, or as you're feeling a text come in or a moment with somebody
that you're talking to, what is the story that's happening in your, in your heart? Okay. Oh, this
one, they said this one thing, I'm making it mean I am not enough. I'm going to be abandoned or I'm
going to lose benefits. You're breaking up the last 10 seconds. All right,
great, great, great. Thank you for the feedback.
So what we want to do is have 10 to 15 specific memories. They don't have to be big,
crazy. The powerful thing is that we just need repetition and emotion to be laced in with them.
And when you have this list of 10 to 15 memories, and we want to gather them from all the areas of
life, because we want to not just feel enough in the career area of our life. We want to feel
physically, emotionally, relationally, financially, mentally, all these different areas.
Is this for my sound? Oh, good to see. I love the community bond y'all have around here.
I'm just trying to read your sign language. So beautiful. We want to connect with those memories.
And then what happens is the first hour and the last hour of our day, our brain
is in alpha brainwave state. So there's really amazing access to our subconscious programming
during those two windows. This is why it's so rad to spend time with the father in the morning and
late at night, because you have just, some people say the veil is thinner. You have a different
access, right? And so our conscious overthinking brain kind of calms down and we have access to
spirit to spirit connection. So we're going to make a list and I can send you this worksheet as
well. Anybody who wasn't on the beginning, pop your email in the chat if you want, and I'm going
to send you some worksheets to do this afterwards. So we want to just write down and I'll just show
this to you so you know, after our call, you want to collect area, 15, 10 to 15 pieces of evidence
in each of these areas of your life. So I was say it's unloved is your core belief. I was loved in
my career part of my life today when all right, this, and it doesn't have to be today. These can
be from any time in your life that still works. If you have a recent one, amazing. If you have
one from five years ago, Oh, I don't know what happened to my, my light source here, but maybe
we got some darkness for a second. Can you still see me? Okay. Yeah, we can still see you. It's
just like the moody version. Okay. Oh, perfect. Yeah. It calmed down with those bright macrame
decorations and then the man cave now. Yeah. So we want to collect all of these pieces of evidence.
So you're going to think about, Oh, I was really loved when my boss came and thought to get me a
cup of coffee. That was my favorite kind. I was really loved in that. And these don't need to be
big, shiny. They just need to be something where when you think about this memory, you physically
feel the emotion in your body. And the same way, when I talk about my nephews and feeling loved,
you can sense that I'm feeling it, right? You want to be conscious to feel the emotions. And as much
as you can.
it. We're 42% more likely to accomplish goals when we have vision boards. It's like the
power of visualization, neuroscience, there's so much study on that, but it's that same
power of we're leveraging all the power of neuroscience to really let God rewrite the
core identity stuff. You're going to do the same thing in, I was loved in my financial
area today, and maybe you don't feel enough, right? Maybe if that's the thing, it doesn't
have to be, I am enough because I make X, Y, Z, whatever. I am financially free from
whatever. It can be, I am enough because I show up in budget. I am aware I tithe, right?
They can be really simple, but you want to think of very specific memories where you
can visualize it and see, Oh, my boss brought my favorite cup of coffee and thought about
me and remembered me. And I'm so loved and chosen emotional area, spiritual area, physical
area. So you're going to go through all these seven areas of life and gather evidence. When
you're done with that, you are going to put it on a voice memo recorder. So you're just
loved in the emotional area of life. Like when I, this happened, this happened, this
happened, and it's two minutes. And when you wake up in the morning, when you're brushing
your teeth or something, put that on in the morning. If you really want to get after this
stuff and radically change and feel the needle move, I did it like 10 times a day. And there's
actually, if you go to suno.com, you can literally plug in your script of 10 to 15 memories and
turn it into a song. AI will write a song in any style that you love. So you can be
like in your car and I'm like, I am powerful, like rock ballad. It's incredible. You learn
faster through fun. So like you want to get these things in your head that all day long,
you're thinking about these memories. The power of our minds is that there's something
called the reticular activating system. So your RAS is in charge of finding more evidence for
what you already believe is true. So if you have the core belief that I am loved everywhere,
you're constantly looking. Have you ever experienced where you're like, I'm going to
get a red convertible and you make a decision and you've never noticed red convertibles on the car
and on the street. And then all of a sudden you're like, there are everywhere. Or I'm going to take
a trip to Barcelona. And then everyone and their mom is all of a sudden talking about this. It's
because your brain is, is connecting to that's important. This is a belief system. This matters
to me. I'm going to collect more evidence. So right now, if you have a belief system, a core
belief that I'm not good enough, or I am alone, or I am abandoned all throughout the day, no matter
what is happening around you, you can have people adoring and celebrating and loving you, but your
brain is going to latch on to the teeny little piece that means I am abandoned. And you're going
to interpret that way. So when we can, what's stunning is that in the same way that muscles
atrophy, neuroscience has proven that actually the neural pathways in our brain will atrophy
within 21 days. So doing this within 21 days can actually like atrophy this whole thought pattern
of I am not enough and strengthen this new reality so that when you wake up in the day and you're
I am powerful. I'm going to make stuff happen. I happen to life. I'm not a victim. Life doesn't
happen to me. And then all of a sudden you start seeing solutions that you didn't see before. And
it just becomes the most empowering way to live, to recognize I can actually shift what I believe.
I can shift how I show up in the world. And I'm just catching these comments here. And does that
make sense? Yeah. I just want to comment here, Christine, as you're saying this, because as
this is one of the things we talked about in one of our first several sessions,
I did write a script. I recorded some. I started listening to it with some frequency. I didn't do
quite 21 days in a row. And I'm still working on that. And then I expanded another script. And so
the sheer I think for men and guys, I'm speaking to you right now, I think and I want you to just
agree with me because I'm trying to I'm trying to validate this for you. And I think for men,
the mind game is such a huge thing. Right. We are scared of our emotions. We're scared of being
vulnerable. We're scared of being perceived and as weak as all the things right as men. We get it.
We don't do a lot of that in this group because we've talked about a lot of things. And so when
we're together, it's OK. But.
When you're out there facing the world, as you're facing it, it's different.
I'm sure a lot of you are still just struggling with all the things.
And I'm, I'm convinced that the mindset is really, really, really, really key.
It is key for every human, but I mean, for men, for men, especially.
If you don't have the internal confidence, that just that one thing
alone, just the confidence to go about your day, your person, your work, your
relationships, that is so just debilitating.
It just exacts your strength.
It just makes you renders you ineffective.
And I'm just telling you what I think when I, when Christine said, um, this was
possible, that was a revelation to me.
Like she's explaining it.
She's doing all this.
She's just saying all these wonderful things, but in the first session, I think
probably one of the only thing I got was, Oh, you mean I can change the way I
think that was it.
That was it.
That was the one nugget was like, Oh, you mean there's a way to actually
retrain the internal dialogue?
And the answer is yes.
And you're like, I don't know, you know, what, just listen to me, talk, just do a
script, like, you know, try to read a thing, do an affirmation.
I've done that before.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Right?
No guys.
I'm telling you what this, what Christine is laying out here is a powerful sort of
introductory first step in this attachment theory stuff that is very powerful.
And I want to challenge you to kind of dig into it.
Um, you know, we don't have the ability to go for the full training, but this is a
powerful, powerful step.
And, um, imagine just the possibility, whether you're into it or not, just
imagine the possibility of, wow, what would it be like if my internal dialogue
just changed, just shifted, just was a little bit different.
And I didn't, and I heard something that was affirmative that I heard something.
It didn't change every 90% positive situation into the most disastrous,
terrible thing, you know, because you heard the one thing, one out of 10
things, nine were great, but you heard the one thing because of your internal
dialogue, what could, what if that could shift you?
And then what if that could then change the way you feel about a situation and
then the way you behaved about a situation, and then it actually changed your
situation, that's what we're talking about.
We're literally like, how do I change my life?
Well, this is, this is one way, you know, you literally re-script your brain in
that inner dialogue with affirmations like these, so that you can then change
the behavior and then thus change the outcome of your life.
So super powerful.
Well, thank you for Christine for sharing this so good.
I want to, we got 10 minutes left, we can go over a little bit, but I do want to
just open up some time for question and answers.
I know guys, you got, some of you got a lot to say, and so I want to provide that
time there, but I just want to affirm what Christine is saying, so, so good.
And I want you to be free to do that.
So go ahead, David, with your question.
Yeah.
So my question is, is how does someone who is securely attached support
someone who's quiet, disorganized?
Cause that is something new to me since joining the program.
Cause I realized everyone in my life is securely attached.
And then being new to this program, I'm discovering people who are quiet,
disorganized, and that is like, has blown my world.
So.
Yeah, beautiful question.
And I love your heart to empower and show up for people, people who haven't had a
disorganized or insecure attachment.
Sometimes it feels like absolutely unfathomable.
Some of the ways that insecures receive or interact.
And so a lot of the education is just like really understanding what is
happening for them and why there's a really incredible resource.
So who I got certified through is personaldevelopmentschool.com.
And, uh, I think it's the personaldevelopmentschool.com,
Thais Gibson, and she has phenomenal courses.
She has a seven day free trial and she has a lot of free content on YouTube as well
about how to show up for your, uh, it sounds like fearful avoidant, uh, yeah.
For your partners who are fearful avoidant.
So she gives so much content for free on YouTube.
I would start there.
And if you want to go, she has entire courses on her website around how to show up as a partner
of a fearful avoidant and what triggers them and how to communicate with them.
So I would say that's probably the best resource. Mike, I've done several courses. I love that. Yes,
I'll put it in here. So it's, so what I'm talking about is kind of like a combination of fearful
avoidant and anxious detachment. So it's like both at the same time. Totally. And it's kind
of a spectrum, right? So you kind of, she's probably FA leaning. Yeah. Beautiful. There's,
I would say those are the best resources and really being able to slow down and listen and
get curious what's happening inside of her in those moments. So like, Hey, what are you,
exactly what we're talking right here, the BTEA equation. So maybe she's having an action that
you're like, why are you showing up this way? Right. And help me break that down. Okay. Or
maybe she's having a really strong emotion. So beliefs, thoughts, emotions, actions,
Hey, I'm noticing that you feel really anxious right now, or what are you feeling right now?
Right. What are you feeling? Help me understand. What are you thinking? What are the thoughts
behind that? Right. What are the belief systems behind that? Or maybe there's an action and you're
really aware of the action. Hey, what's, what are you feeling in this moment? What are you afraid
will happen? What are you making that mean that I didn't text back for two hours or whatever?
Help me understand. And once you get her lens, so we talk about everyone has kind of their own
BTEA equations that kind of similar patterns that show up a lot for them. So once you kind of
understand what are her patterns that really trigger her and what does she make it mean?
And then like, what does she need in that moment? And asking her, Hey, what actually
do you need to feel safe in this moment? What's going to make you feel free, empowered, like
right. The opposite of what she's feeling in that moment. And just getting curious and a lot of
insecure attachments. It takes a while to really understand what we need. That's a whole language
in and of itself. And if people have been trained their whole life to not connect with that, not
know that they have needs, not, honor their needs. It can be a very like patients. It gets
to be a very patient, compassionate process of even helping them understand that. Does that make
sense? Yeah. Yeah, it does. Thank you. Yeah. Is that helpful? Did that kind of get what you were
going after? Yeah. I, I think my biggest confusion is that people always say to me, Oh, you're,
you just provide this safe space and they're like, Oh, I'm safe to learn this with you.
And I get kind of confused. I'm like, how I'm like, I'm like, I don't think, I don't think I'm
doing anything that people are like, Oh, like it's safe for me to just to tell you what I think.
And so that to me has been interesting learning that and being like, okay, I was told that today.
Someone's like, Oh, you're just a safe space. And I'm like, okay, I'm learning what, what,
I don't know how I'm just being here. So I guess figuring it out. It's a beautiful,
it's part of your gifting. And honestly, there are being around people that are securely attached,
just the presence of someone securely attached is healing and regulating. And because our
subconscious is programmed through emotion repetition, through what we saw and experienced
being with our parents, right. When we were kids being with you physically, like they're seeing,
how do you think about things? How do you react to things? How do you talk about things?
It's reprogramming their subconscious in the same way, you know, like TV shows kind of disciple us
in certain realities, because we're watching it, we're seeing it's the imagery, it's the emotions,
it's a repetition, just being in the presence of somebody secure. I had co workers when I was
in securely attached, that were so secure, and it was healing for me. And there was such a safety
and just recognizing how they show up to life. So I would say own the glory of that as part of
God gifting you, just like healing for other people around you, not in a pressured way. But
it's a it's a beautiful gift. Thank you. Yeah, thanks for sharing.
Mike, did you have a question? Yeah, I think that's super. It's all super amazing that,
you know, when somebody actually asked you questions, you don't even know,
you it's your reality. And then somebody has a different reality. And you're like, wait,
there's a different way to do this. And then and then all of a sudden, if you have the safety to
be like, Oh, my gosh, your reality is way better than mine. I don't even know what mine is, you
know, and then you can explore that, right? But my question is, I just want to validate like,
yeah, because somebody's like, I didn't realize I was anxious. And then I'm like, what do you mean,
you can be something other than anxious in this situation? Like, this is normal, right? But
what about dismissive avoidance? Right? I don't know. I
seem to have a high number of them in my life.
And because I am and so.
In the same way, how would you help somebody who is a D.A.
What I mean, I know this is a million
dollar question, right, but what would be something simple to help
D.A.'s process there because they want to run like crazy.
Right. And so how
how can you help them not run or what would you what would you like like 30
second minute spiel on how to handle a dismissive avoiding and love them?
Well, yeah, really great question.
Are you remind me, Mike, are you what do you identify as?
I'm going to I'm anxious.
Well, I'm actually more secure in most
things other than dating relationships, but like but,
you know, I'm anxious in dating relationships, but I'm getting a lot better.
Yeah, beautiful.
I love that.
Incredible that you're seeing the needle shift to it's so
empowering that we can heal this and change it.
Yeah. How to love D.A. as well.
I would say communicating
D.A.'s really, really love clarity.
Right. And honoring their space.
So like they do have a need for space and independence.
And you probably have more of a need for clarity.
Right. So so having a really open, honest
conversation about you being open with your needs in a way that still can honor
what they need. Right.
So if they need I need space right now, you might have the need to say, hey,
when can we connect, actually, can we make a plan?
Maybe you're tired and we need to cancel
the plans for tonight because your emotional tank is drained.
But like, when can we actually make a date happen?
OK, maybe three days from now we get
something on the books and then the anxious side of you can kind of have peace.
You have clarity. Right.
And then they can kind of feel like, hey,
I have the freedom to get space when I need space.
I would say being really inviting of what
their needs are and not making them wrong.
I think a lot of times we there's a lot
of judgment around you're broken, you're this lone wolf.
Right. And so I think the biggest thing that we
can do for any of the attachment styles and securely are really operating from the
place of love and compassion and recognize these aren't broken things in us.
These are our subconscious in the very best way we know how has tried to keep us
safe and it just that's the best way that it knows.
And so operating with tons of love and
compassion and understanding and curiosity like around it.
Why is this that way for them?
And even asking and like connecting. Right.
I would say that is one of the biggest
things, because when they don't feel that forced or that judgment, then there's
safety to open up. They also really need to feel
affirmed and valued.
And when they are showing up like really they come across as kind of distant and
maybe more cold, but there's actually a really deep need to feel like they're
winning. Right. And there's it's it's safer to be around you when you see and
celebrate and affirm that they're a safe place or that you are a safe place for them.
If that makes sense.
No, it makes a lot of sense.
Well, I mean, because I'm mentoring a couple of days.
And so that's super good.
Yeah. And I've just validate it's like, I know you don't want to be this way.
Like, I don't want to be anxious.
And I know you don't want to be that way.
And that love was never safe for you.
So it makes sense.
Like, you wouldn't want to connect and you're afraid.
You know, it's really actually kind of hard
because a lot of them are really broken and, you know, just love being a safe place
to love them well. Right.
So I didn't even realize who.
But yeah, so I think that's really good.
Thank you. Yeah.
Because they do need autonomy.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah. And not making that wrong, you know,
not judging it for honoring and like recognizing where did their where is their
nervous system feel safe to actually let me in?
And when they need a little bit of space
and the safer that they feel expressing that, then you become more of a safe place
for them.
Yeah, thanks so much for sharing, Joshua, did you have a question, David,
did I take over? Feel free to jump in whenever.
Let's just let's let's just Joshua, go ahead, ask your question.
That's this. This be the last one.
And we'll take as long as we need to.
And then we'll kind of wrap up and we'll be good.
Yeah, thank you very much, Christine, it's been really good.
It's actually been a while since I've been on here.
So everyone.
Hope everyone's doing good.
So I've been in this relationship since mid-August, so coming up on two months, actually, I think
Friday.
Getting very serious, where I believe I want to propose.
Anyway, sorry, just let me bring it back to my question.
I've tended to find myself, and this is what it was in the past, but even more so recently,
just really anxious.
How would you, for someone going through your 21-day material, any particular instructions
or any specifics you want to give on someone who tends to anxiously attach?
Yeah, beautiful notice and awareness.
Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on the momentum with your woman.
I would say the number one tool is noticing what your thinking is.
So that equation we talked about, beliefs lead to thoughts, lead to emotions, lead to actions.
So if you're noticing in your actions, I'm showing up and I'm doing things that are anxious,
so maybe feeling more needy and more clingy and more, I need to feel next to her to feel
safe and regulated.
So if you're noticing some of those, and you can get specific about what are the actions
that show up for me when I'm anxiously feeling, then you want to get connected to what is
the thought that's happening there, and just make it conscious.
Again, we're just taking the subconscious and making it conscious.
So, oh, I'm afraid that she's going to abandon me, or we're going to lose connection, we're
going to lose momentum.
All right, and then what is the belief behind that from that list of beliefs that I sent
to?
So we'll ask two questions.
What am I afraid will happen, or what am I making it mean?
So either I'm afraid that I'll be abandoned, or maybe I'm making it mean I'm not enough,
so she doesn't want to spend more time with me, something like that.
And then once we have that belief, we just want to, again, choose to vote for a different
neural pathway.
So every time we think that thought, we're strengthening the reticular activating system
to attract more of those thoughts, more of those beliefs, and we just want to stop that
whole pattern and shift into the opposite.
So, all right, if I'm making it mean I will be abandoned, how can I stop that right on
its tracks and start thinking opposite thoughts?
What's three pieces of evidence in that moment that you can think that would prove to you
that you're probably not going to be abandoned?
Do you know 100% true that she's going to abandon you?
Okay, when we're in trauma brain, it feels like, yes, absolutely, she hasn't texted me
back for 10 hours.
It's all to crap, like, you know, it's gone down the tubes, right?
And so we just want to regulate some of those and bring it back to a balanced perspective.
So we do that by noticing, all right, what's three different pieces?
Oh, she said that she was really busy this morning.
She has work stuff all day.
Maybe that's why she didn't text back.
Oh, she just told me yesterday that I'm the most incredible guy that she's ever met in
her life.
Oh, that conversation we had last week about how she can see forever with me.
And so even I can see on your face, like the smile, right?
You can like feel joy and peace coming back when you allow your brain to think different
thoughts.
That's what I'm talking about.
You can feel it in your body.
You can see the joy in your face, right?
And so that alchemy, right, of like, okay, I want to fire the dopamine.
I want to fire the joy.
I want to fire peace, right?
I want to create that in my body.
And we have power to do that every second.
And the more we can really take every thought captive and notice what is the fruit of this
thought, this thought.
And sometimes I don't know why she didn't text me back, but if I can make up a story,
I might as well make up a really good story versus a real, she like won the sweepstakes
and something incredible is happening, right?
So we're just like leaning into what, how do we shift those thought patterns and make
evidence?
And then if you have that auto reprogramming dialed and you have those memories on lock
and you can just play, all right, let me just remind myself all of these ways that I am
connected, that I am chosen, that like good things last, right?
Whatever for you resonates as the language of the opposite of abandon.
Okay.
And then you'll feel your body and your mind start to really calm down, but you can keep
it.
If you don't do that whole list, you can literally just say, what are three pieces
of opposite evidence from what I'm currently.
thinking right now.
And then if you wanna do a bonus step,
the next step is asking yourself,
cause remember we talked about stories and needs
being the two things that cause suffering.
So if you take the story, you question the painful story
and you shift it into a more realistic story.
Oh, she's just busy at work and we're gonna talk later.
And then you're gonna ask yourself the needs part.
What do I need in this situation to feel better, right?
So maybe you need to express to her when you talk next time,
hey, I'm working through some anxious attachment stuff.
And when this happens, it can really get me activated.
Next time you have a full day of work that's for 10 hours,
would you mind just shooting me a text
and letting me know you're gonna be dark?
That would make me feel like so supported
as I'm journeying through this, right?
So like, oh, there could be practical needs
you can communicate that would make you feel set up
for success in the future.
Or maybe you have a need to create a strategy
around not telling yourself the worst stories.
I have somebody who literally has a rubber band on her hand
and she just shifts it to the other hand
as an awareness mechanism.
Every time she notices herself in a bad story,
she just gets conscious of it.
Oh, I'm gonna think another thought, I'm just shifting.
This is a trigger device to recognize.
So like, oh, what is a need that you have right now?
I need to not tell myself worst case stories.
What's a strategy to really empower yourself
to meet that need on an ongoing basis?
And there's tons of strategy options,
but that's some top of mind first thoughts.
Is that helpful?
Yeah, yeah, it is.
I think it's more so I'm coming to the place
where there are things about my life
I think I need to tell her
and I'm getting really anxious about that for a life.
Yeah, because her and I have, it's funny,
we're like a little married couple
or in the sense that we've learned how to communicate
when she's not responding, right?
So we're getting better at that, yeah.
Yeah, powerful.
Awesome.
It's a whole deep dive,
but we'll save that for the next steps, please.
Well, Christine, thank you so much
for coming and sharing with us tonight.
This is a really powerful topic, as you can tell.
I mean, it just gets,
there's a lot of things to uncover here.
And like I said, at the beginning of this call,
if you're just joining us late,
we are talking with Christine
about how to integrate her work
with the Last Year Single program.
So that there may be something
that we're going to share later on
about integrating her as a coach
and doing some coaching within our program.
So we're working that out to see how we can provide that
and we'll let everybody know how that works
because we just feel like this is such a powerful compliment
to the heart work and what we're trying to do here
within Last Year Single,
which is literally just reframing our lives,
helping us to put our best foot forward,
our best self forward.
That's the most attractive version of us
is when we're operating and behaving
in the best possible way.
And at the root of that is what we believe,
what we think about,
how we behave on those patterns of beliefs and thinking.
So it's super, super important.
And can't thank you enough, Christine,
for the coaching that we've done together
and I really appreciate the breakthrough
and stuff that's happened with me.
And guys, if you have questions
about the opportunities
that we're going to work with Christine on,
email us at admin at jackiedorman.com.
And then if you put your email in the chat,
we'll leave some time for Christine to grab.
I don't know if you've been able to grab all of those.
If not, I might be able to get a copy of the chat.
I think it might be just forward to you,
but I don't know however you're going to grab those.
But she was going to be willing to give you
a little bit of a bonus work sheet
based on the stuff that we talked about tonight
and give you an opportunity
to do a little bit of that work on your own.
So again, if you want to put your email in the chat
and she'll grab that.
And then if you don't get all of them, Christine,
just ask me and I can probably provide you
with a transcript of the chat.
I think I got everything. Thanks for letting me join. We're so glad you joined us in the
man cave tonight. And, uh, you know, that was kind of funny. The lights went out. We're
like, all right, welcome to the cave question. I came in a little late. Will this be on replay?
Would this video be on replay? We did record it under. Yeah, we did. Good. Because a lot
of this stuff. Isn't that bad? No, that's not that bad. No, it's pretty good. Pretty
awesome. All right, guys. Have a great, great rest of your week. Uh, bless you. And we'll
be back next week to hang together and to, uh, to continue on baby. Can I pray us out?
No, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. We love it. Tools are great, but Holy spirit
knows how to do stuff. That's so true. So we don't want to leave out that part. Holy
spirit, beautiful God. I ask that every single man on this call and every man listening in
the replay that you would just wash over them right now from the top of their head to the
soles of their feet. Thank you, God, that your heart is for relationships, for marriage,
for covenant, God, that your heart is for family. Thank you that your heart is for identity
for us to know the fullness of who we are in you and to be empowered to walk that out
with authority, with confidence, with peace, with deep joy. God, I ask that even before
the end of this week, you would show up in supernatural ways for every single one of
these men that you would breathe on their dreams, their passions, God, that you would
show up and thank you that you can even rewire brain patterns in more less than 21 days.
You can do it in an instant. And God, we give you permission to supernaturally just
come and do your work. Lord, I pray that angels would come in the night that, um, just angelic
visitations, visions, dreams. God, we ask for you to empower each of us to live in the
fullness of all you designed for us to be. And I bless every single partner that you've
handpicked for each of these men. I pray that the path of them finding each other would
be easy and sweet and filled with so much joy and so many moments of your fingerprints
and your presence that every step along the way in the journey would be an invitation
to know you more, to know themselves more, to be able to give and receive love to every
single human that they interact with God. And that you would truly do just beautiful,
incredible, supernatural partnerships where one plus one equals a 10,000 Lord for kingdom
impact. We praise you before we even see it. God, because we know all your promises
are yes and amen in Jesus mighty name. And I honor you guys. Thanks for being here. Just
as a woman, I want to say thank you for doing the work. Thank you so much for caring to
lean in and address all the heart work. That's no small thing. And it just means a ton that
you have the passion and intention and courage to go to the hard places. It's like really,
really stunning to see. So thank you on behalf of all women. I don't know if I'm certified
to be a spokesperson for all women, but from my heart to yours, I say, yeah, in the guy
world, any woman is, is certified to speak on behalf of all femininity. That's for sure.
I will take that. All right. So good. Thank you once again, Christine, thank you. It was
so great. It was so awesome. And, um, I mean, you know, maybe we can have you back, um,
you know, in another time and, uh, just share another dimension of that. It'd be really
cool. I'd love that. You let me know. God bless guys. Have a great, great night. Have
a great week. Thanks for joining us at man club. Yes. It's honored. Thanks, David.