WEBVTT

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All right, this is Men's Heart Check-In, Monday, October 13th, 2025, with our guest, Christine

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Sullivan.

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So go ahead, Christine, introduce yourself, and then we'll go from there.

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If we get into this, and I have some questions, I'll probably insert some things, and I might

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even ask you a few questions that I wanted to kind of point out, because I think it's

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important based on what we've discussed in the past with these guys.

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So go ahead.

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Thank you for being here.

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Absolutely.

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Thanks for having me, guys.

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Such an honor.

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I probably discovered you guys maybe a little bit over two years ago, and the heart work

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was such powerful tools for me.

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So grateful for David, Jackie, the transformation that they bring.

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And for me, I have been, when I was 18, I started deep diving in the emotional, personal

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development inner space, so I've been decades now, traveled around the world, got all the

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trainings that I could get my hand on, have spent tons and tons of money on lots of different

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resources.

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And this, it's called Integrated Attachment Theory, is one of the most profound shifts

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and tools that I've ever experienced.

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The heart work feels really laced in with a lot of the principles that this connects

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with.

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So Jackie is so, it's fun to see neuroscience backing up what Holy Spirit kind of downloaded

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to Jackie in the heart work tools, but it kind of combines a bit of neuroscience, somatic

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regulation, and really about, it's about the core identity of how were we connected with

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when we were kids?

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So so much of our ways of relating to life, to money, to relationships, to love, to success,

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to everything is formed in that zero to five space when we're first connecting, right?

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So attachment theory is based on some rad experiments that really studied how are the

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different ways that that happens in different kind of home structures, through different

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kind of traumas or more secure atmospheres, and how do we not only recognize how this

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is affecting our day-to-day life, but how do we shift them and regulate some of the

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unhealthy coping mechanisms that are keeping us in the patterns that we really want to

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shift, right?

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So I have never seen things that shift those as quickly as these tools, which I'm going

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to teach you one of my favorite, I was thinking, David, I'd teach them auto reprogramming if

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you're down tonight, which is the most simple two minutes a day, you can do this and the

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way that it actually rewires your neural pathways within 21 days, it will literally shift the

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way that you're thinking from an identity core level, which is just stunning to me.

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So I spent a lot of years taking every thought captive, and I was noticing, oh, I'm feeling

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insecure, I'm feeling not enough.

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And so I'm showing up in XYZ way.

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And I was just, I'm like, this feels like a full time job, I'm spending 40 hours a week,

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just like noticing my like thought patterns, right, and shifting them, rather than getting

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to the core of them, and then rewiring them with some of these tools.

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And then all of a sudden, all this headspace, emotional energy is able to be spent actually

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connecting, actually living in my purpose, actually creating beautiful things that I

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love and adore.

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And I'm starting to see more impact.

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That's the magic of this work.

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So I'm curious how many people I'm going to do a start with a high level overview of just

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what attachment is, and what are the four main types?

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Can you raise your hand or pop it in the chat?

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How many people know what your attachment style is?

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And if you're interactive, oh, we got two hands, love it.

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Anybody else?

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Okay, I'm curious, with the three hands, will you pop in the chat?

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What is your...

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All right, we got a secure, David Wright, I see you, I love it.

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Anybody else?

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We got a couple hands.

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Anybody else you know what you are?

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Okay, anxious to secure, amazing awareness.

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I love that.

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I would raise my hand, but I can't figure out how to raise my hand.

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It's in the react part right by the heart at the bottom.

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You can also raise your physical hand, I will see it.

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Okay, amazing, anxious, avoidant, awesome.

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Okay, so you guys kind of have a grid for how this plays out.

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On a scale of one to 10, how much do you understand how that actually shows up in your day-to-day,

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in your relationships, would you say?

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Do you feel like you have a pretty good understanding of that?

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Okay, five, we got a seven, we got a seven, five, 10 out of 10.

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David Wright, you know, you've deep dived on this topic.

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Okay, I see you.

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In all of your fasting times, you probably got revelation on this.

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Okay, incredible.

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All right, so tonight I'm gonna do a really, I'll do a flyby then of the OBGYN.

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review just in case there's somebody that doesn't really have a grid for where they land in this

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and anybody on the recording checking it out and then we're gonna go into one of the key so

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integrated attachment theory basically kind of touches on what are the core wounds that like

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identity stuff the enemy planted in us from the very beginning or different traumas right have

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really like locked these things into us so i am not enough i am powerless i'm a victim to life

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i can't some of those kind of key belief systems that show up and leak and sabotage all the stuff

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we're going after also needs so there's every single human has five personality needs very

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unique to them so when these buckets are filled in our life we are operating on all five cylinders

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and we are feeling like i am energized i'm excited i'm passionate there was a hot second

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when i tried to be a day trader i thought i could work in the mornings and trade and do really

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technical charts and numbers and then the rest of my like day i would be free i'd make all the money

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and then i'd go and connect with people's hearts and talk about relationships and feelings and

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dreams and it was just like the worst plan in the world because it was so deeply out of alignment

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with my core personality needs which are emotional connections spirituality health personal growth

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romantic relationships when i'm talking about these things like i i could i forget that time

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exists when i'm thinking about those things and learning about those things that's the kind of

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stuff where all my money goes to and my time and my energy so when we i very when i literally

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discovered this work i stopped trying to day trade which i never made one sentence the entire

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six months that i pursued it and i pivoted my life to really be full time in coaching and

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working and all this stuff and just immediately overnight there was just incredible favor i was

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energized by my days i was giddy to wake up in the morning and all of a sudden i had life force

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energy i'm like walking in my calling and authority so a lot of that stuff again comes from often the

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five things that maybe we didn't have as a kid so there's that thing in us that's just hardwired to

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what are the things that like we are drawn to so the needs and the um and the core wounds

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any time in life that we feel life there's painful things happen life i just recently

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tore my acl i like the book and the vision of this nfl guy i'm like receiving that testimony

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maybe this is going to be a book someday i'm learning great things and there's physical pain

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in that but when we actually experience suffering that's a different thing right i could feel pain

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in my knee before when i've had physical injuries in the past i broke my head and i made it mean i'm

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a broken human i create chaos wherever i go as soon as i start to get somewhere something hard

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happens and it pulls me back i made it mean core things about my identity right and so when i have

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physical pain all right that's something that i get to deal with but i can make it mean this is

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opportunity for me to learn dependence on other people and receiving and slowing down and grace

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and all of a sudden it's not it doesn't cause suffering i can feel physical pain but the

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suffering really that we experience in life comes from one of two things one our needs aren't being

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met so if i go even 48 hours with emotion without emotional connection in a meaningful way i'm like

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on fumes you can see i'm like a wilted flower i'm like i literally cannot function and i can

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the dishes and the laundry and important work projects and i'm like i just need i need someone

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to hug me and i need to hear about their heart like and then in like one conversation with a

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grocery store clerk i'm alive again so like those kind of things right cause this suffering where

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we're not getting our needs met or we're actually telling ourselves a lie about what it's happening

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like so we're making something mean a painful identity piece around us so we're telling

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ourselves a painful story so those two things are a massive part of this i.e.t understanding how to

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really set ourselves up for thriving other pieces are emotional regulation so somatically in our

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body actually feeling peace and being aware of when am i actually anxious right and noticing

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it in real time we're so used to thinking in our heads all the time right instead of noticing

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hey i'm with this person on a date and even though logically on paper it looks good physically i feel

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anxiety in my chest right so often we're not even really connected to to notice what is that anxiety

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telling me okay like oh how do i listen into it right so the emotional regulation we also talk

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about coping mechanisms what are the things in our life we keep doing that we haven't been doing

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or that we don't want to keep doing that aren't actually serving us and why what's the like

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why behind that and how do we unravel that at the root.

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And we also talk about communication,

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which is incredible.

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Once we know our needs,

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we know how to start meeting them for ourselves.

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We can communicate that to other people around us

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in healthy ways.

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For some of us who didn't have needs met in our childhood,

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it becomes a whole skillset to learn.

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It's safe to have needs.

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It's safe to communicate needs.

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It's safe to show up,

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especially in the Christian world

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where we're always taught to just keep giving.

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And sometimes in that space,

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we're not actually caring for ourselves

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and we're giving out of a place of resentment

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and not out of like true, authentic caring for ourselves,

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being able to love.

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And then boundaries is the last piece.

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So healthy boundaries,

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how do we show up for us and really care for,

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even the boundaries we're setting for ourselves

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in all the areas of life,

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physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually,

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how good it feels when David talks about fasting

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and showing up with commitment.

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He made a commitment and he kept this boundary to himself

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and how incredible that feels.

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And that shifts showing up how we obviously do boundaries

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in relationships as well.

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So those are kind of like big picture overview of IAT,

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the secret sauce that makes the biggest difference.

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And if you can only focus on two,

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this core wounds and this needs piece

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are the two that will really move the needle

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the biggest in your life.

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And I can send you guys your email.

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We're gonna talk about core wounds.

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Do you wanna pop your emails?

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I'll send you a worksheet bonus on the personality needs

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so that you can deep dive on that later,

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if you care to, it's incredible exercise.

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But today I wanna talk to you about core wounds.

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So we'll dive in, I'll do a little bit of a,

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do I need to do, I can just skip right into the good stuff.

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If we wanna leave time for question and answer,

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if we want me to skip the overview,

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if everybody kind of is familiar with attachment theory.

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Yeah, I think we've talked about enough

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or mentioned enough in this community

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that it's somewhat familiar.

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So yeah, if you wanna do that and save some time,

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that's great.

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Yeah, I wanna leave time for your questions and answers

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at the backend too.

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And we'll just dive into, so this basic,

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let me see if you gave me the powers of sharing.

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Yes, I see it.

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Oh, I'm sending you a request, David.

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Here's the, that is an unhelpful pattern

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that you notice showing up in your life

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or an unpleasant pattern.

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So it could be something in you,

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it could be,

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you know, going on dates with somebody

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that it feels like is not actually wanting

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to emotionally engage.

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Give me something that feels like a pattern

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that you're like,

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I would rather this not keep happening in my life.

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If you feel inspired to pop in the chat

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and share if there's something comes up

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and we'll circle back around to that later.

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And let me see.

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Okay, beautiful.

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Thanks, David.

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Sorry for the permissions here.

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All right, can you see my screen, everybody?

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Yes, okay, beautiful.

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So this is like a very basic BTEA,

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we call it the BTEA equation.

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So beliefs, our beliefs lead to our thoughts,

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our thoughts lead to our emotions,

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our emotions lead to our actions.

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So if I have the belief that I am not good enough,

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and I'm gonna show up on a date

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and I'm thinking about all of the things inside of me

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that don't feel good enough,

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my emotions are gonna be filled with shame

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and fear and anxiety.

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My actions are probably gonna be defensive maybe

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or over explaining myself

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or trying to talk about all my accomplishments,

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you know, instead of being really present with this person,

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I'm trying to prove something, right?

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So all of this, so much we talk about,

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let me see if I can get back to see your faces for a moment.

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I wanna give you this visual so you can see the BTEA.

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But we talk about so much how logically we're thinking,

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hey, I really, really want to be in a relationship,

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conscious level.

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But actually what 95 to 97%

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of our real time decisions

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are made from a subconscious level.

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So all of these things we're talking about,

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identity statements that started in our childhood,

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it's actually the stuff that's running the show.

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So if I'm saying, I wanna be in a relationship,

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but underneath I have a subconscious feeling.

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Like, I'm gonna be trapped for any of you FAs or DAs,

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fearful avoidance or dismissive avoidance out there,

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have this feeling like, oh, if I commit to somebody,

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I'm gonna feel trapped, I'm gonna feel smothered,

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I'm gonna lose my independence.

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Then even though logically we're saying,

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I really wanna be in a relationship,

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subconsciously we're doing things like flaw finding

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when we connect with someone and thinking,

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all right, what is the things

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that are wrong with this person?

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And even if it's one teeny little obscure thing,

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and you're like, this is my reason to shut them out, right?

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Or different things like this.

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So we wanna make the subconscious programs

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and belief systems conscious.

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And when we are aware of those beliefs,

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then those beliefs are gonna create different thoughts,

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different emotions, and different actions,

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which then will actually change the substance of your life

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and the real-time results that you're getting.

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In dating, but it's the same thing,

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how we do one thing to some extent is how we do everything.

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So maybe if you're a fearful avoidant,

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you can resonate with the hot and cold pattern,

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oh, I feel really excited about someone,

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and then all of a sudden,

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like you're getting too much access

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and you're trying to push you away.

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If you're relating to that way in love,

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you're probably relating to that way

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in other areas of your life.

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Maybe money, maybe success, maybe career stuff.

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An open door opens and you're like,

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what if something bad happens?

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I don't know, right?

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So this push-pull dynamic.

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So we want to really get

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these subconscious belief systems conscious

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so we can shift them, have power over them,

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and really it comes down to be transformed

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by the renewing of your mind, right?

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And that's where the Lord really can connect us to identity,

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which is really wild because a lot of people will tell me,

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for in the church, I had a lot of people tell me,

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say affirmations daily,

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which I was like an affirmation queen.

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Give me something to do and I'm so motivated.

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I was up saying my affirmations every day

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and I didn't always experience the result

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because there's more powerful ways

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to shift our subconscious.

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Basically, if we're speaking something over ourself

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and our subconscious is believing

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that it's super, super opposite and impossible,

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it can sometimes create actually dysregulation

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in our nervous system

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and make things kind of go backwards sometimes, right?

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So there's this dance of, yes, there's power in our words

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and there's some really cool neuroscience

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that when you are leveraging some of these tools,

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it can work twice as fast as some of the affirmation stuff.

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So, excuse me.

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So I want to pull up this list

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of the most common limiting beliefs.

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And I want you to just ask Holy Spirit right now

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as you're looking at this,

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what are the ones that come up most often for you?

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If you feel comfortable to put them in the chat.

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These are the things that when we have moments

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where have you ever heard somebody,

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it's a couple and there's something where,

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let me pull up this chat so I can see it.

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Beautiful, I am unseen, thanks Jason.

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Yes, the push-pull is so real.

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Have you ever experienced a couple

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or maybe you've had this experience in yourself

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where somebody forgets to wash the dishes

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and all of a sudden there's a 10 out of 10 explosion

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and you make it, it's a really intense moment

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between the two people and you're like,

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this is not about the dishes.

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What's actually happening here at a subconscious level

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is usually somebody is feeling I am unloved,

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I'm in disrespected, maybe I'm unseen, I'm unheard.

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I told this person that this matters to me

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and they didn't do it.

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So these are this moment where we're not operating

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as our conscious adult grounded regulated self,

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we're showing up as our five-year-old child,

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hey, I'm unseen, I'm unheard

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and we're in this fight or flight, I am not okay.

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This is, and from that place,

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it's really difficult to even have

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super regulated conversations to even talk it out.

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So the goal is to get, and as many,

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as much suffering, we talked about suffering,

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these stories are connected

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to how much suffering we're experiencing.

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As many of these are going on at one time for you

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and a lot of these, when I first started doing this work,

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almost every single one of these was true for me.

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As many of these are happening at one time,

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the more suffering we're feeling.

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So if one little thing happens

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and I'm all of a sudden making it mean,

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if I would do a client pitch and it wouldn't go well

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and I would say, I am unworthy, I don't matter,

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I am rejected, I am not enough, I am unsafe

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because maybe I won't be able to pay my bills

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and then I'm gonna be like.

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out on the street as many of those things are happening at one time so much more suffering

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is happening so slowly we want to diffuse these and do the rewiring so as many of these

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with it that 21 day we want to kind of get the biggest one and start working on that rewiring

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that and then slowly one by one we just start rewiring how all of these are working in our mind

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and you'll start to feel a shift even within seven days of using this tool. I started feeling such a

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shift I was mind blown so let me just pull up. Hey guys I really appreciate you doing in the

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chat it's really great I want to see as many people as we can to respond there in the chat

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at least one of those scenes can you leave that up a little more you got it yeah yeah yeah yeah

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absolutely I just wanted to make sure I was gonna see yeah even though this kind of like

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is the limiting belief negative negative it's important to really identify at least one or a

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couple of these and don't be afraid to put it in the chat because what it is is you're just exposing

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you're revealing something for the healing of it so you're exposing it being honest about it

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and putting it out there so that you can deal with it and the way that Christine's going to

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help you deal with that so I want everybody to try to put something in there if they can

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yeah beautiful thanks David I see not feeling like I'm enough powerful I am unseen I am not

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enough I am not enough good I am bad I'm on my own abandoned or alone weak powerful trapped or

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stuck disrespected yep something's wrong with me I don't belong unloved yeah thanks so much for

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guys yeah powerful okay so amazing so what we want to do when these things come up

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is to connect with the opposite truth so how many of you have seen the life wheel

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it's seven areas of life these are kind of if we break big picture the seven areas of life down

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we have career financial mental spiritual emotional physical and relationship areas

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of our life and what we want to do to rewire this is to all right does everybody have I'm

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going to take this screen down let me know if anybody needs this um list anymore we want to

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rather than just declaring the opposite over ourselves our subconscious speaks the language

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of imagery and also emotion and felt physical sensations in our body so it is retrained

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through repetition so what we want to do is pull up specific memories so for example if you have

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the belief that I am unloved Joshua and you're feeling this at a visceral level okay the dishes

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don't get don't get done and you make it mean I'm not speaking this over you but it means something

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really painful right and you're feeling the pain of I am unloved in this moment maybe somebody

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doesn't text back even in the very beginning of interacting in it for a whole day and you're like

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I am unloved right this fear of abandonment maybe comes up so what we want to do to re-shift this

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even to regulate in the moment is to pull up memories where the opposite is true of this

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belief and we want to find 10 to 15 memories in all seven areas of life so total right so maybe

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three or three two or three in every single area of life so if the core belief is I am unloved

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I'm going to think about the relationship area of my life and I can think of in two seconds I can

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pull up this memory of my nieces and nephews every Sunday we have family dinner I'm pulling up

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to my parents house and they're running outside of the door jumping into my arms

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I'm spinning them around they're shouting out my name they're giggling they're excited

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in this moment you can probably feel it just as I'm telling it I my whole face lights up I can

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feel joy expanding in my chest I can come back from the absolutely worst date where maybe I was

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really disrespected it would be so easy for that to trigger I am unloved and I can go to this

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rolodex of memories and in one moment I can picture Teddy and Crosby and their messy little

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hands that are probably paint filled and they're like twirling around on my neck and I feel so

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adored and loved and it emotionally I'm feeling it physically I feel in my body I feel joy showing

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up in my face in my mind and we're the power of our brain and thinking what we think we create

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is alchemy I mean I'm literally in that in that memory

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and firing and wiring new neural pathways. I'm releasing dopamine and serotonin and

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like all the beautiful neurochemicals that make us feel really alive and loved. And what happens is

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when I park my car and go to my next meeting for work, instead of feeling the cortisol of

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00:25:21.840 --> 00:25:27.480
I'm unloved, I'm going to be abandoned, like the shame of, oh, that date went really awful.

402
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I'm feeling a glow and I walk in and then my client meeting goes really different, right?

403
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:39.120
I'm meeting some, but I walk in the coffee shops on a regular basis and they just give me free

404
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stuff. You meet really cool people. When you're cultivating the different belief systems,

405
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you operate in a whole different frequency, right? And it shifts stuff. So this whole reality of what

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we think we create, even going into a date and setting the intention, hey, I'm going to show up

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and I'm going to be loved. I'm going to receive love. I'm going to give love and being in that

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headspace right ahead of time. So being conscious of what are the stories that even as you're

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driving to one of these moments, or as you're feeling a text come in or a moment with somebody

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that you're talking to, what is the story that's happening in your, in your heart? Okay. Oh, this

411
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one, they said this one thing, I'm making it mean I am not enough. I'm going to be abandoned or I'm

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going to lose benefits. You're breaking up the last 10 seconds. All right,

413
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great, great, great. Thank you for the feedback.

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So what we want to do is have 10 to 15 specific memories. They don't have to be big,

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00:27:02.920 --> 00:27:08.580
crazy. The powerful thing is that we just need repetition and emotion to be laced in with them.

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And when you have this list of 10 to 15 memories, and we want to gather them from all the areas of

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life, because we want to not just feel enough in the career area of our life. We want to feel

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physically, emotionally, relationally, financially, mentally, all these different areas.

419
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Is this for my sound? Oh, good to see. I love the community bond y'all have around here.

420
00:27:37.840 --> 00:27:44.880
I'm just trying to read your sign language. So beautiful. We want to connect with those memories.

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And then what happens is the first hour and the last hour of our day, our brain

422
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is in alpha brainwave state. So there's really amazing access to our subconscious programming

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during those two windows. This is why it's so rad to spend time with the father in the morning and

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00:28:03.360 --> 00:28:08.100
late at night, because you have just, some people say the veil is thinner. You have a different

425
00:28:08.100 --> 00:28:14.180
access, right? And so our conscious overthinking brain kind of calms down and we have access to

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00:28:14.180 --> 00:28:20.360
spirit to spirit connection. So we're going to make a list and I can send you this worksheet as

427
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:24.960
well. Anybody who wasn't on the beginning, pop your email in the chat if you want, and I'm going

428
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to send you some worksheets to do this afterwards. So we want to just write down and I'll just show

429
00:28:30.660 --> 00:28:39.940
this to you so you know, after our call, you want to collect area, 15, 10 to 15 pieces of evidence

430
00:28:39.940 --> 00:28:48.280
in each of these areas of your life. So I was say it's unloved is your core belief. I was loved in

431
00:28:48.280 --> 00:28:53.760
my career part of my life today when all right, this, and it doesn't have to be today. These can

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00:28:53.760 --> 00:28:58.860
be from any time in your life that still works. If you have a recent one, amazing. If you have

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00:28:58.860 --> 00:29:08.020
one from five years ago, Oh, I don't know what happened to my, my light source here, but maybe

434
00:29:08.020 --> 00:29:13.960
we got some darkness for a second. Can you still see me? Okay. Yeah, we can still see you. It's

435
00:29:13.960 --> 00:29:23.600
just like the moody version. Okay. Oh, perfect. Yeah. It calmed down with those bright macrame

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00:29:23.740 --> 00:29:32.420
decorations and then the man cave now. Yeah. So we want to collect all of these pieces of evidence.

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00:29:32.420 --> 00:29:39.800
So you're going to think about, Oh, I was really loved when my boss came and thought to get me a

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00:29:39.800 --> 00:29:44.220
cup of coffee. That was my favorite kind. I was really loved in that. And these don't need to be

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00:29:44.280 --> 00:29:49.240
big, shiny. They just need to be something where when you think about this memory, you physically

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00:29:49.280 --> 00:29:53.760
feel the emotion in your body. And the same way, when I talk about my nephews and feeling loved,

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you can sense that I'm feeling it, right? You want to be conscious to feel the emotions. And as much

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as you can.

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00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:09.200
it. We're 42% more likely to accomplish goals when we have vision boards. It's like the

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00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:14.100
power of visualization, neuroscience, there's so much study on that, but it's that same

445
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power of we're leveraging all the power of neuroscience to really let God rewrite the

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core identity stuff. You're going to do the same thing in, I was loved in my financial

447
00:30:24.600 --> 00:30:30.860
area today, and maybe you don't feel enough, right? Maybe if that's the thing, it doesn't

448
00:30:30.860 --> 00:30:37.640
have to be, I am enough because I make X, Y, Z, whatever. I am financially free from

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whatever. It can be, I am enough because I show up in budget. I am aware I tithe, right?

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They can be really simple, but you want to think of very specific memories where you

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can visualize it and see, Oh, my boss brought my favorite cup of coffee and thought about

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me and remembered me. And I'm so loved and chosen emotional area, spiritual area, physical

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area. So you're going to go through all these seven areas of life and gather evidence. When

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you're done with that, you are going to put it on a voice memo recorder. So you're just

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loved in the emotional area of life. Like when I, this happened, this happened, this

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00:31:20.880 --> 00:31:25.320
happened, and it's two minutes. And when you wake up in the morning, when you're brushing

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your teeth or something, put that on in the morning. If you really want to get after this

458
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:34.500
stuff and radically change and feel the needle move, I did it like 10 times a day. And there's

459
00:31:34.500 --> 00:31:40.880
actually, if you go to suno.com, you can literally plug in your script of 10 to 15 memories and

460
00:31:40.880 --> 00:31:46.480
turn it into a song. AI will write a song in any style that you love. So you can be

461
00:31:46.480 --> 00:31:54.380
like in your car and I'm like, I am powerful, like rock ballad. It's incredible. You learn

462
00:31:54.380 --> 00:31:59.920
faster through fun. So like you want to get these things in your head that all day long,

463
00:31:59.960 --> 00:32:04.320
you're thinking about these memories. The power of our minds is that there's something

464
00:32:04.320 --> 00:32:12.100
called the reticular activating system. So your RAS is in charge of finding more evidence for

465
00:32:12.100 --> 00:32:18.280
what you already believe is true. So if you have the core belief that I am loved everywhere,

466
00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:21.300
you're constantly looking. Have you ever experienced where you're like, I'm going to

467
00:32:21.300 --> 00:32:26.280
get a red convertible and you make a decision and you've never noticed red convertibles on the car

468
00:32:26.280 --> 00:32:30.560
and on the street. And then all of a sudden you're like, there are everywhere. Or I'm going to take

469
00:32:30.560 --> 00:32:35.140
a trip to Barcelona. And then everyone and their mom is all of a sudden talking about this. It's

470
00:32:35.140 --> 00:32:40.580
because your brain is, is connecting to that's important. This is a belief system. This matters

471
00:32:40.580 --> 00:32:46.540
to me. I'm going to collect more evidence. So right now, if you have a belief system, a core

472
00:32:46.540 --> 00:32:52.700
belief that I'm not good enough, or I am alone, or I am abandoned all throughout the day, no matter

473
00:32:52.700 --> 00:32:58.080
what is happening around you, you can have people adoring and celebrating and loving you, but your

474
00:32:58.220 --> 00:33:03.340
brain is going to latch on to the teeny little piece that means I am abandoned. And you're going

475
00:33:03.340 --> 00:33:08.260
to interpret that way. So when we can, what's stunning is that in the same way that muscles

476
00:33:08.320 --> 00:33:14.520
atrophy, neuroscience has proven that actually the neural pathways in our brain will atrophy

477
00:33:14.940 --> 00:33:22.560
within 21 days. So doing this within 21 days can actually like atrophy this whole thought pattern

478
00:33:22.560 --> 00:33:27.640
of I am not enough and strengthen this new reality so that when you wake up in the day and you're

479
00:33:28.180 --> 00:33:32.920
I am powerful. I'm going to make stuff happen. I happen to life. I'm not a victim. Life doesn't

480
00:33:32.920 --> 00:33:38.700
happen to me. And then all of a sudden you start seeing solutions that you didn't see before. And

481
00:33:38.700 --> 00:33:45.720
it just becomes the most empowering way to live, to recognize I can actually shift what I believe.

482
00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:53.960
I can shift how I show up in the world. And I'm just catching these comments here. And does that

483
00:33:53.960 --> 00:33:59.120
make sense? Yeah. I just want to comment here, Christine, as you're saying this, because as

484
00:33:59.760 --> 00:34:04.100
this is one of the things we talked about in one of our first several sessions,

485
00:34:04.900 --> 00:34:11.380
I did write a script. I recorded some. I started listening to it with some frequency. I didn't do

486
00:34:11.380 --> 00:34:23.940
quite 21 days in a row. And I'm still working on that. And then I expanded another script. And so

487
00:34:25.780 --> 00:34:33.159
the sheer I think for men and guys, I'm speaking to you right now, I think and I want you to just

488
00:34:33.159 --> 00:34:39.159
agree with me because I'm trying to I'm trying to validate this for you. And I think for men,

489
00:34:39.219 --> 00:34:46.699
the mind game is such a huge thing. Right. We are scared of our emotions. We're scared of being

490
00:34:46.659 --> 00:34:53.239
vulnerable. We're scared of being perceived and as weak as all the things right as men. We get it.

491
00:34:53.239 --> 00:34:57.340
We don't do a lot of that in this group because we've talked about a lot of things. And so when

492
00:34:57.340 --> 00:34:59.980
we're together, it's OK. But.

493
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.280
When you're out there facing the world, as you're facing it, it's different.

494
00:35:04.500 --> 00:35:07.180
I'm sure a lot of you are still just struggling with all the things.

495
00:35:07.540 --> 00:35:13.080
And I'm, I'm convinced that the mindset is really, really, really, really key.

496
00:35:13.080 --> 00:35:16.280
It is key for every human, but I mean, for men, for men, especially.

497
00:35:16.520 --> 00:35:21.500
If you don't have the internal confidence, that just that one thing

498
00:35:21.500 --> 00:35:26.800
alone, just the confidence to go about your day, your person, your work, your

499
00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:30.920
relationships, that is so just debilitating.

500
00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:33.280
It just exacts your strength.

501
00:35:33.640 --> 00:35:36.660
It just makes you renders you ineffective.

502
00:35:37.380 --> 00:35:43.200
And I'm just telling you what I think when I, when Christine said, um, this was

503
00:35:44.520 --> 00:35:47.180
possible, that was a revelation to me.

504
00:35:47.340 --> 00:35:48.960
Like she's explaining it.

505
00:35:48.960 --> 00:35:49.540
She's doing all this.

506
00:35:49.660 --> 00:35:53.460
She's just saying all these wonderful things, but in the first session, I think

507
00:35:53.460 --> 00:35:58.600
probably one of the only thing I got was, Oh, you mean I can change the way I

508
00:35:58.980 --> 00:36:00.380
think that was it.

509
00:36:00.600 --> 00:36:01.520
That was it.

510
00:36:01.520 --> 00:36:06.580
That was the one nugget was like, Oh, you mean there's a way to actually

511
00:36:07.720 --> 00:36:09.620
retrain the internal dialogue?

512
00:36:10.540 --> 00:36:11.960
And the answer is yes.

513
00:36:12.200 --> 00:36:16.600
And you're like, I don't know, you know, what, just listen to me, talk, just do a

514
00:36:17.140 --> 00:36:19.760
script, like, you know, try to read a thing, do an affirmation.

515
00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:20.840
I've done that before.

516
00:36:20.840 --> 00:36:21.900
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

517
00:36:21.920 --> 00:36:22.260
Right?

518
00:36:22.720 --> 00:36:23.320
No guys.

519
00:36:23.460 --> 00:36:29.240
I'm telling you what this, what Christine is laying out here is a powerful sort of

520
00:36:29.540 --> 00:36:36.800
introductory first step in this attachment theory stuff that is very powerful.

521
00:36:37.080 --> 00:36:40.560
And I want to challenge you to kind of dig into it.

522
00:36:40.740 --> 00:36:46.140
Um, you know, we don't have the ability to go for the full training, but this is a

523
00:36:46.140 --> 00:36:47.380
powerful, powerful step.

524
00:36:47.980 --> 00:36:55.680
And, um, imagine just the possibility, whether you're into it or not, just

525
00:36:55.680 --> 00:37:01.300
imagine the possibility of, wow, what would it be like if my internal dialogue

526
00:37:01.300 --> 00:37:06.940
just changed, just shifted, just was a little bit different.

527
00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:12.620
And I didn't, and I heard something that was affirmative that I heard something.

528
00:37:12.620 --> 00:37:17.600
It didn't change every 90% positive situation into the most disastrous,

529
00:37:17.940 --> 00:37:22.720
terrible thing, you know, because you heard the one thing, one out of 10

530
00:37:22.720 --> 00:37:26.680
things, nine were great, but you heard the one thing because of your internal

531
00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:30.040
dialogue, what could, what if that could shift you?

532
00:37:30.320 --> 00:37:35.440
And then what if that could then change the way you feel about a situation and

533
00:37:35.440 --> 00:37:40.080
then the way you behaved about a situation, and then it actually changed your

534
00:37:40.280 --> 00:37:42.200
situation, that's what we're talking about.

535
00:37:42.200 --> 00:37:44.480
We're literally like, how do I change my life?

536
00:37:45.240 --> 00:37:53.920
Well, this is, this is one way, you know, you literally re-script your brain in

537
00:37:53.920 --> 00:37:59.440
that inner dialogue with affirmations like these, so that you can then change

538
00:37:59.500 --> 00:38:03.400
the behavior and then thus change the outcome of your life.

539
00:38:04.220 --> 00:38:05.740
So super powerful.

540
00:38:05.960 --> 00:38:08.500
Well, thank you for Christine for sharing this so good.

541
00:38:10.200 --> 00:38:14.460
I want to, we got 10 minutes left, we can go over a little bit, but I do want to

542
00:38:14.780 --> 00:38:16.880
just open up some time for question and answers.

543
00:38:17.100 --> 00:38:23.700
I know guys, you got, some of you got a lot to say, and so I want to provide that

544
00:38:23.700 --> 00:38:28.440
time there, but I just want to affirm what Christine is saying, so, so good.

545
00:38:30.640 --> 00:38:33.200
And I want you to be free to do that.

546
00:38:33.260 --> 00:38:35.340
So go ahead, David, with your question.

547
00:38:35.340 --> 00:38:35.460
Yeah.

548
00:38:36.260 --> 00:38:42.020
So my question is, is how does someone who is securely attached support

549
00:38:42.020 --> 00:38:44.000
someone who's quiet, disorganized?

550
00:38:45.040 --> 00:38:48.560
Cause that is something new to me since joining the program.

551
00:38:49.140 --> 00:38:52.120
Cause I realized everyone in my life is securely attached.

552
00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:58.320
And then being new to this program, I'm discovering people who are quiet,

553
00:38:58.600 --> 00:39:01.180
disorganized, and that is like, has blown my world.

554
00:39:01.800 --> 00:39:01.960
So.

555
00:39:03.300 --> 00:39:05.360
Yeah, beautiful question.

556
00:39:05.560 --> 00:39:10.840
And I love your heart to empower and show up for people, people who haven't had a

557
00:39:10.840 --> 00:39:12.660
disorganized or insecure attachment.

558
00:39:12.660 --> 00:39:16.260
Sometimes it feels like absolutely unfathomable.

559
00:39:16.580 --> 00:39:20.540
Some of the ways that insecures receive or interact.

560
00:39:21.000 --> 00:39:25.940
And so a lot of the education is just like really understanding what is

561
00:39:25.940 --> 00:39:29.560
happening for them and why there's a really incredible resource.

562
00:39:29.560 --> 00:39:35.580
So who I got certified through is personaldevelopmentschool.com.

563
00:39:36.120 --> 00:39:39.120
And, uh, I think it's the personaldevelopmentschool.com,

564
00:39:39.560 --> 00:39:42.300
Thais Gibson, and she has phenomenal courses.

565
00:39:42.300 --> 00:39:47.280
She has a seven day free trial and she has a lot of free content on YouTube as well

566
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:53.080
about how to show up for your, uh, it sounds like fearful avoidant, uh, yeah.

567
00:39:53.080 --> 00:39:55.220
For your partners who are fearful avoidant.

568
00:39:55.320 --> 00:39:58.520
So she gives so much content for free on YouTube.

569
00:39:58.520 --> 00:39:59.580
I would start there.

570
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.220
And if you want to go, she has entire courses on her website around how to show up as a partner

571
00:40:06.220 --> 00:40:10.320
of a fearful avoidant and what triggers them and how to communicate with them.

572
00:40:11.240 --> 00:40:18.060
So I would say that's probably the best resource. Mike, I've done several courses. I love that. Yes,

573
00:40:18.060 --> 00:40:22.620
I'll put it in here. So it's, so what I'm talking about is kind of like a combination of fearful

574
00:40:22.800 --> 00:40:28.000
avoidant and anxious detachment. So it's like both at the same time. Totally. And it's kind

575
00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:33.760
of a spectrum, right? So you kind of, she's probably FA leaning. Yeah. Beautiful. There's,

576
00:40:33.960 --> 00:40:40.940
I would say those are the best resources and really being able to slow down and listen and

577
00:40:40.940 --> 00:40:46.780
get curious what's happening inside of her in those moments. So like, Hey, what are you,

578
00:40:47.020 --> 00:40:52.340
exactly what we're talking right here, the BTEA equation. So maybe she's having an action that

579
00:40:52.340 --> 00:40:58.360
you're like, why are you showing up this way? Right. And help me break that down. Okay. Or

580
00:40:58.360 --> 00:41:02.860
maybe she's having a really strong emotion. So beliefs, thoughts, emotions, actions,

581
00:41:03.680 --> 00:41:08.360
Hey, I'm noticing that you feel really anxious right now, or what are you feeling right now?

582
00:41:08.480 --> 00:41:12.680
Right. What are you feeling? Help me understand. What are you thinking? What are the thoughts

583
00:41:12.680 --> 00:41:17.480
behind that? Right. What are the belief systems behind that? Or maybe there's an action and you're

584
00:41:17.480 --> 00:41:22.860
really aware of the action. Hey, what's, what are you feeling in this moment? What are you afraid

585
00:41:22.860 --> 00:41:27.960
will happen? What are you making that mean that I didn't text back for two hours or whatever?

586
00:41:28.100 --> 00:41:33.860
Help me understand. And once you get her lens, so we talk about everyone has kind of their own

587
00:41:34.160 --> 00:41:39.920
BTEA equations that kind of similar patterns that show up a lot for them. So once you kind of

588
00:41:40.120 --> 00:41:46.100
understand what are her patterns that really trigger her and what does she make it mean?

589
00:41:46.100 --> 00:41:50.880
And then like, what does she need in that moment? And asking her, Hey, what actually

590
00:41:51.060 --> 00:41:58.260
do you need to feel safe in this moment? What's going to make you feel free, empowered, like

591
00:41:58.260 --> 00:42:04.120
right. The opposite of what she's feeling in that moment. And just getting curious and a lot of

592
00:42:04.120 --> 00:42:08.740
insecure attachments. It takes a while to really understand what we need. That's a whole language

593
00:42:08.740 --> 00:42:13.760
in and of itself. And if people have been trained their whole life to not connect with that, not

594
00:42:13.760 --> 00:42:21.080
know that they have needs, not, honor their needs. It can be a very like patients. It gets

595
00:42:21.080 --> 00:42:28.080
to be a very patient, compassionate process of even helping them understand that. Does that make

596
00:42:27.960 --> 00:42:33.420
sense? Yeah. Yeah, it does. Thank you. Yeah. Is that helpful? Did that kind of get what you were

597
00:42:33.420 --> 00:42:38.660
going after? Yeah. I, I think my biggest confusion is that people always say to me, Oh, you're,

598
00:42:38.900 --> 00:42:42.580
you just provide this safe space and they're like, Oh, I'm safe to learn this with you.

599
00:42:42.580 --> 00:42:46.880
And I get kind of confused. I'm like, how I'm like, I'm like, I don't think, I don't think I'm

600
00:42:46.880 --> 00:42:49.940
doing anything that people are like, Oh, like it's safe for me to just to tell you what I think.

601
00:42:51.280 --> 00:42:55.820
And so that to me has been interesting learning that and being like, okay, I was told that today.

602
00:42:55.840 --> 00:43:00.060
Someone's like, Oh, you're just a safe space. And I'm like, okay, I'm learning what, what,

603
00:43:00.120 --> 00:43:05.140
I don't know how I'm just being here. So I guess figuring it out. It's a beautiful,

604
00:43:05.380 --> 00:43:11.280
it's part of your gifting. And honestly, there are being around people that are securely attached,

605
00:43:11.280 --> 00:43:17.180
just the presence of someone securely attached is healing and regulating. And because our

606
00:43:17.180 --> 00:43:22.360
subconscious is programmed through emotion repetition, through what we saw and experienced

607
00:43:22.360 --> 00:43:28.260
being with our parents, right. When we were kids being with you physically, like they're seeing,

608
00:43:28.520 --> 00:43:31.780
how do you think about things? How do you react to things? How do you talk about things?

609
00:43:32.080 --> 00:43:39.080
It's reprogramming their subconscious in the same way, you know, like TV shows kind of disciple us

610
00:43:39.080 --> 00:43:44.020
in certain realities, because we're watching it, we're seeing it's the imagery, it's the emotions,

611
00:43:44.200 --> 00:43:51.680
it's a repetition, just being in the presence of somebody secure. I had co workers when I was

612
00:43:51.680 --> 00:43:57.220
in securely attached, that were so secure, and it was healing for me. And there was such a safety

613
00:43:57.220 --> 00:44:04.080
and just recognizing how they show up to life. So I would say own the glory of that as part of

614
00:44:04.080 --> 00:44:10.640
God gifting you, just like healing for other people around you, not in a pressured way. But

615
00:44:10.640 --> 00:44:16.780
it's a it's a beautiful gift. Thank you. Yeah, thanks for sharing.

616
00:44:18.900 --> 00:44:24.200
Mike, did you have a question? Yeah, I think that's super. It's all super amazing that,

617
00:44:24.500 --> 00:44:27.660
you know, when somebody actually asked you questions, you don't even know,

618
00:44:27.660 --> 00:44:31.400
you it's your reality. And then somebody has a different reality. And you're like, wait,

619
00:44:31.400 --> 00:44:36.240
there's a different way to do this. And then and then all of a sudden, if you have the safety to

620
00:44:36.240 --> 00:44:41.000
be like, Oh, my gosh, your reality is way better than mine. I don't even know what mine is, you

621
00:44:41.000 --> 00:44:46.060
know, and then you can explore that, right? But my question is, I just want to validate like,

622
00:44:46.380 --> 00:44:49.380
yeah, because somebody's like, I didn't realize I was anxious. And then I'm like, what do you mean,

623
00:44:49.380 --> 00:44:55.300
you can be something other than anxious in this situation? Like, this is normal, right? But

624
00:44:56.140 --> 00:44:59.860
what about dismissive avoidance? Right? I don't know. I

625
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.420
seem to have a high number of them in my life.

626
00:45:07.140 --> 00:45:10.280
And because I am and so.

627
00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:15.120
In the same way, how would you help somebody who is a D.A.

628
00:45:16.160 --> 00:45:18.760
What I mean, I know this is a million

629
00:45:18.760 --> 00:45:22.160
dollar question, right, but what would be something simple to help

630
00:45:22.280 --> 00:45:25.580
D.A.'s process there because they want to run like crazy.

631
00:45:25.680 --> 00:45:26.700
Right. And so how

632
00:45:27.420 --> 00:45:33.500
how can you help them not run or what would you what would you like like 30

633
00:45:33.500 --> 00:45:37.940
second minute spiel on how to handle a dismissive avoiding and love them?

634
00:45:38.360 --> 00:45:41.160
Well, yeah, really great question.

635
00:45:41.200 --> 00:45:44.340
Are you remind me, Mike, are you what do you identify as?

636
00:45:44.460 --> 00:45:45.520
I'm going to I'm anxious.

637
00:45:45.600 --> 00:45:47.620
Well, I'm actually more secure in most

638
00:45:47.620 --> 00:45:50.160
things other than dating relationships, but like but,

639
00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:53.980
you know, I'm anxious in dating relationships, but I'm getting a lot better.

640
00:45:54.500 --> 00:45:55.740
Yeah, beautiful.

641
00:45:56.220 --> 00:45:57.400
I love that.

642
00:45:58.140 --> 00:46:01.560
Incredible that you're seeing the needle shift to it's so

643
00:46:01.560 --> 00:46:04.340
empowering that we can heal this and change it.

644
00:46:05.460 --> 00:46:08.000
Yeah. How to love D.A. as well.

645
00:46:08.280 --> 00:46:10.360
I would say communicating

646
00:46:11.780 --> 00:46:14.140
D.A.'s really, really love clarity.

647
00:46:14.540 --> 00:46:17.800
Right. And honoring their space.

648
00:46:17.900 --> 00:46:21.560
So like they do have a need for space and independence.

649
00:46:22.120 --> 00:46:25.280
And you probably have more of a need for clarity.

650
00:46:26.260 --> 00:46:30.220
Right. So so having a really open, honest

651
00:46:30.220 --> 00:46:35.740
conversation about you being open with your needs in a way that still can honor

652
00:46:35.740 --> 00:46:37.240
what they need. Right.

653
00:46:37.240 --> 00:46:43.380
So if they need I need space right now, you might have the need to say, hey,

654
00:46:43.960 --> 00:46:46.800
when can we connect, actually, can we make a plan?

655
00:46:46.860 --> 00:46:48.280
Maybe you're tired and we need to cancel

656
00:46:48.280 --> 00:46:51.400
the plans for tonight because your emotional tank is drained.

657
00:46:51.940 --> 00:46:55.140
But like, when can we actually make a date happen?

658
00:46:55.480 --> 00:46:57.220
OK, maybe three days from now we get

659
00:46:57.220 --> 00:47:00.820
something on the books and then the anxious side of you can kind of have peace.

660
00:47:00.900 --> 00:47:02.360
You have clarity. Right.

661
00:47:02.360 --> 00:47:04.540
And then they can kind of feel like, hey,

662
00:47:04.540 --> 00:47:08.040
I have the freedom to get space when I need space.

663
00:47:08.460 --> 00:47:12.920
I would say being really inviting of what

664
00:47:12.920 --> 00:47:15.820
their needs are and not making them wrong.

665
00:47:15.820 --> 00:47:18.200
I think a lot of times we there's a lot

666
00:47:18.280 --> 00:47:22.380
of judgment around you're broken, you're this lone wolf.

667
00:47:22.820 --> 00:47:25.180
Right. And so I think the biggest thing that we

668
00:47:25.180 --> 00:47:29.640
can do for any of the attachment styles and securely are really operating from the

669
00:47:29.640 --> 00:47:34.120
place of love and compassion and recognize these aren't broken things in us.

670
00:47:34.140 --> 00:47:39.540
These are our subconscious in the very best way we know how has tried to keep us

671
00:47:39.540 --> 00:47:42.400
safe and it just that's the best way that it knows.

672
00:47:42.400 --> 00:47:45.040
And so operating with tons of love and

673
00:47:45.580 --> 00:47:49.720
compassion and understanding and curiosity like around it.

674
00:47:49.720 --> 00:47:51.680
Why is this that way for them?

675
00:47:51.760 --> 00:47:55.040
And even asking and like connecting. Right.

676
00:47:55.040 --> 00:47:57.320
I would say that is one of the biggest

677
00:47:57.320 --> 00:48:01.840
things, because when they don't feel that forced or that judgment, then there's

678
00:48:01.840 --> 00:48:05.520
safety to open up. They also really need to feel

679
00:48:06.300 --> 00:48:08.060
affirmed and valued.

680
00:48:08.060 --> 00:48:13.600
And when they are showing up like really they come across as kind of distant and

681
00:48:13.600 --> 00:48:17.940
maybe more cold, but there's actually a really deep need to feel like they're

682
00:48:17.940 --> 00:48:23.820
winning. Right. And there's it's it's safer to be around you when you see and

683
00:48:23.820 --> 00:48:30.380
celebrate and affirm that they're a safe place or that you are a safe place for them.

684
00:48:30.380 --> 00:48:31.600
If that makes sense.

685
00:48:31.640 --> 00:48:32.820
No, it makes a lot of sense.

686
00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:35.300
Well, I mean, because I'm mentoring a couple of days.

687
00:48:35.460 --> 00:48:36.860
And so that's super good.

688
00:48:36.860 --> 00:48:40.120
Yeah. And I've just validate it's like, I know you don't want to be this way.

689
00:48:40.120 --> 00:48:41.140
Like, I don't want to be anxious.

690
00:48:41.140 --> 00:48:42.740
And I know you don't want to be that way.

691
00:48:42.820 --> 00:48:44.820
And that love was never safe for you.

692
00:48:44.920 --> 00:48:45.760
So it makes sense.

693
00:48:45.780 --> 00:48:47.580
Like, you wouldn't want to connect and you're afraid.

694
00:48:48.260 --> 00:48:50.400
You know, it's really actually kind of hard

695
00:48:50.780 --> 00:48:55.680
because a lot of them are really broken and, you know, just love being a safe place

696
00:48:55.680 --> 00:48:57.600
to love them well. Right.

697
00:48:57.600 --> 00:48:59.700
So I didn't even realize who.

698
00:49:00.180 --> 00:49:01.580
But yeah, so I think that's really good.

699
00:49:01.760 --> 00:49:03.120
Thank you. Yeah.

700
00:49:03.700 --> 00:49:05.420
Because they do need autonomy.

701
00:49:06.120 --> 00:49:07.600
Right. Yeah.

702
00:49:08.000 --> 00:49:10.980
Yeah. And not making that wrong, you know,

703
00:49:10.980 --> 00:49:15.940
not judging it for honoring and like recognizing where did their where is their

704
00:49:15.940 --> 00:49:19.080
nervous system feel safe to actually let me in?

705
00:49:19.340 --> 00:49:21.000
And when they need a little bit of space

706
00:49:21.140 --> 00:49:26.080
and the safer that they feel expressing that, then you become more of a safe place

707
00:49:26.080 --> 00:49:26.740
for them.

708
00:49:28.500 --> 00:49:32.600
Yeah, thanks so much for sharing, Joshua, did you have a question, David,

709
00:49:32.600 --> 00:49:34.720
did I take over? Feel free to jump in whenever.

710
00:49:35.240 --> 00:49:38.680
Let's just let's let's just Joshua, go ahead, ask your question.

711
00:49:38.720 --> 00:49:40.960
That's this. This be the last one.

712
00:49:41.180 --> 00:49:42.660
And we'll take as long as we need to.

713
00:49:42.660 --> 00:49:44.900
And then we'll kind of wrap up and we'll be good.

714
00:49:48.740 --> 00:49:52.460
Yeah, thank you very much, Christine, it's been really good.

715
00:49:52.480 --> 00:49:54.180
It's actually been a while since I've been on here.

716
00:49:54.660 --> 00:49:55.540
So everyone.

717
00:49:57.060 --> 00:49:58.060
Hope everyone's doing good.

718
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.680
So I've been in this relationship since mid-August, so coming up on two months, actually, I think

719
00:50:07.680 --> 00:50:08.120
Friday.

720
00:50:09.280 --> 00:50:12.800
Getting very serious, where I believe I want to propose.

721
00:50:13.800 --> 00:50:19.340
Anyway, sorry, just let me bring it back to my question.

722
00:50:22.120 --> 00:50:28.500
I've tended to find myself, and this is what it was in the past, but even more so recently,

723
00:50:28.500 --> 00:50:30.660
just really anxious.

724
00:50:32.640 --> 00:50:45.120
How would you, for someone going through your 21-day material, any particular instructions

725
00:50:45.120 --> 00:50:50.040
or any specifics you want to give on someone who tends to anxiously attach?

726
00:50:51.300 --> 00:50:54.320
Yeah, beautiful notice and awareness.

727
00:50:54.320 --> 00:50:59.100
Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on the momentum with your woman.

728
00:51:00.720 --> 00:51:06.460
I would say the number one tool is noticing what your thinking is.

729
00:51:06.580 --> 00:51:13.460
So that equation we talked about, beliefs lead to thoughts, lead to emotions, lead to actions.

730
00:51:13.720 --> 00:51:20.220
So if you're noticing in your actions, I'm showing up and I'm doing things that are anxious,

731
00:51:20.220 --> 00:51:27.960
so maybe feeling more needy and more clingy and more, I need to feel next to her to feel

732
00:51:28.440 --> 00:51:29.560
safe and regulated.

733
00:51:29.940 --> 00:51:34.300
So if you're noticing some of those, and you can get specific about what are the actions

734
00:51:34.300 --> 00:51:40.180
that show up for me when I'm anxiously feeling, then you want to get connected to what is

735
00:51:40.180 --> 00:51:44.420
the thought that's happening there, and just make it conscious.

736
00:51:44.520 --> 00:51:47.100
Again, we're just taking the subconscious and making it conscious.

737
00:51:47.100 --> 00:51:53.580
So, oh, I'm afraid that she's going to abandon me, or we're going to lose connection, we're

738
00:51:53.580 --> 00:51:54.640
going to lose momentum.

739
00:51:54.840 --> 00:51:59.920
All right, and then what is the belief behind that from that list of beliefs that I sent

740
00:52:00.080 --> 00:52:00.600
to?

741
00:52:00.840 --> 00:52:02.720
So we'll ask two questions.

742
00:52:03.160 --> 00:52:06.040
What am I afraid will happen, or what am I making it mean?

743
00:52:06.660 --> 00:52:12.440
So either I'm afraid that I'll be abandoned, or maybe I'm making it mean I'm not enough,

744
00:52:12.660 --> 00:52:15.740
so she doesn't want to spend more time with me, something like that.

745
00:52:15.740 --> 00:52:22.080
And then once we have that belief, we just want to, again, choose to vote for a different

746
00:52:22.080 --> 00:52:22.720
neural pathway.

747
00:52:23.060 --> 00:52:28.340
So every time we think that thought, we're strengthening the reticular activating system

748
00:52:28.500 --> 00:52:33.300
to attract more of those thoughts, more of those beliefs, and we just want to stop that

749
00:52:33.320 --> 00:52:35.840
whole pattern and shift into the opposite.

750
00:52:36.160 --> 00:52:42.200
So, all right, if I'm making it mean I will be abandoned, how can I stop that right on

751
00:52:42.200 --> 00:52:45.320
its tracks and start thinking opposite thoughts?

752
00:52:46.360 --> 00:52:52.100
What's three pieces of evidence in that moment that you can think that would prove to you

753
00:52:52.100 --> 00:52:54.020
that you're probably not going to be abandoned?

754
00:52:54.180 --> 00:52:57.060
Do you know 100% true that she's going to abandon you?

755
00:52:57.700 --> 00:53:02.900
Okay, when we're in trauma brain, it feels like, yes, absolutely, she hasn't texted me

756
00:53:02.900 --> 00:53:03.840
back for 10 hours.

757
00:53:04.360 --> 00:53:08.180
It's all to crap, like, you know, it's gone down the tubes, right?

758
00:53:08.180 --> 00:53:12.920
And so we just want to regulate some of those and bring it back to a balanced perspective.

759
00:53:13.180 --> 00:53:16.780
So we do that by noticing, all right, what's three different pieces?

760
00:53:16.960 --> 00:53:19.640
Oh, she said that she was really busy this morning.

761
00:53:19.880 --> 00:53:21.540
She has work stuff all day.

762
00:53:21.740 --> 00:53:23.060
Maybe that's why she didn't text back.

763
00:53:23.240 --> 00:53:27.800
Oh, she just told me yesterday that I'm the most incredible guy that she's ever met in

764
00:53:27.800 --> 00:53:28.240
her life.

765
00:53:28.740 --> 00:53:32.700
Oh, that conversation we had last week about how she can see forever with me.

766
00:53:32.700 --> 00:53:36.260
And so even I can see on your face, like the smile, right?

767
00:53:36.260 --> 00:53:42.280
You can like feel joy and peace coming back when you allow your brain to think different

768
00:53:42.280 --> 00:53:42.720
thoughts.

769
00:53:42.840 --> 00:53:43.920
That's what I'm talking about.

770
00:53:43.940 --> 00:53:45.300
You can feel it in your body.

771
00:53:45.380 --> 00:53:47.540
You can see the joy in your face, right?

772
00:53:47.700 --> 00:53:52.280
And so that alchemy, right, of like, okay, I want to fire the dopamine.

773
00:53:52.420 --> 00:53:53.800
I want to fire the joy.

774
00:53:53.860 --> 00:53:55.540
I want to fire peace, right?

775
00:53:55.540 --> 00:53:58.700
I want to create that in my body.

776
00:53:58.700 --> 00:54:01.520
And we have power to do that every second.

777
00:54:01.760 --> 00:54:06.460
And the more we can really take every thought captive and notice what is the fruit of this

778
00:54:06.720 --> 00:54:08.020
thought, this thought.

779
00:54:08.120 --> 00:54:12.760
And sometimes I don't know why she didn't text me back, but if I can make up a story,

780
00:54:12.860 --> 00:54:18.300
I might as well make up a really good story versus a real, she like won the sweepstakes

781
00:54:18.300 --> 00:54:20.320
and something incredible is happening, right?

782
00:54:20.320 --> 00:54:27.380
So we're just like leaning into what, how do we shift those thought patterns and make

783
00:54:27.380 --> 00:54:27.880
evidence?

784
00:54:27.880 --> 00:54:33.060
And then if you have that auto reprogramming dialed and you have those memories on lock

785
00:54:33.060 --> 00:54:38.600
and you can just play, all right, let me just remind myself all of these ways that I am

786
00:54:39.480 --> 00:54:44.220
connected, that I am chosen, that like good things last, right?

787
00:54:44.220 --> 00:54:47.280
Whatever for you resonates as the language of the opposite of abandon.

788
00:54:47.980 --> 00:54:48.500
Okay.

789
00:54:48.500 --> 00:54:53.780
And then you'll feel your body and your mind start to really calm down, but you can keep

790
00:54:53.780 --> 00:54:53.940
it.

791
00:54:53.940 --> 00:54:57.020
If you don't do that whole list, you can literally just say, what are three pieces

792
00:54:57.020 --> 00:54:59.940
of opposite evidence from what I'm currently.

793
00:55:01.020 --> 00:55:02.240
thinking right now.

794
00:55:02.420 --> 00:55:04.100
And then if you wanna do a bonus step,

795
00:55:04.640 --> 00:55:06.360
the next step is asking yourself,

796
00:55:06.740 --> 00:55:09.020
cause remember we talked about stories and needs

797
00:55:09.020 --> 00:55:11.000
being the two things that cause suffering.

798
00:55:11.340 --> 00:55:14.980
So if you take the story, you question the painful story

799
00:55:14.980 --> 00:55:18.740
and you shift it into a more realistic story.

800
00:55:18.860 --> 00:55:21.760
Oh, she's just busy at work and we're gonna talk later.

801
00:55:22.120 --> 00:55:24.620
And then you're gonna ask yourself the needs part.

802
00:55:24.680 --> 00:55:29.040
What do I need in this situation to feel better, right?

803
00:55:29.040 --> 00:55:33.680
So maybe you need to express to her when you talk next time,

804
00:55:34.160 --> 00:55:36.700
hey, I'm working through some anxious attachment stuff.

805
00:55:36.760 --> 00:55:39.960
And when this happens, it can really get me activated.

806
00:55:40.140 --> 00:55:43.340
Next time you have a full day of work that's for 10 hours,

807
00:55:43.600 --> 00:55:45.180
would you mind just shooting me a text

808
00:55:45.180 --> 00:55:46.680
and letting me know you're gonna be dark?

809
00:55:46.740 --> 00:55:49.080
That would make me feel like so supported

810
00:55:49.160 --> 00:55:51.360
as I'm journeying through this, right?

811
00:55:51.660 --> 00:55:53.920
So like, oh, there could be practical needs

812
00:55:53.920 --> 00:55:56.940
you can communicate that would make you feel set up

813
00:55:56.940 --> 00:55:59.100
for success in the future.

814
00:55:59.340 --> 00:56:02.540
Or maybe you have a need to create a strategy

815
00:56:02.780 --> 00:56:05.860
around not telling yourself the worst stories.

816
00:56:06.040 --> 00:56:11.100
I have somebody who literally has a rubber band on her hand

817
00:56:11.100 --> 00:56:13.400
and she just shifts it to the other hand

818
00:56:13.740 --> 00:56:15.500
as an awareness mechanism.

819
00:56:15.720 --> 00:56:18.900
Every time she notices herself in a bad story,

820
00:56:18.900 --> 00:56:20.820
she just gets conscious of it.

821
00:56:20.900 --> 00:56:23.220
Oh, I'm gonna think another thought, I'm just shifting.

822
00:56:23.360 --> 00:56:25.100
This is a trigger device to recognize.

823
00:56:25.700 --> 00:56:28.320
So like, oh, what is a need that you have right now?

824
00:56:28.420 --> 00:56:31.040
I need to not tell myself worst case stories.

825
00:56:31.240 --> 00:56:34.100
What's a strategy to really empower yourself

826
00:56:34.160 --> 00:56:36.720
to meet that need on an ongoing basis?

827
00:56:37.060 --> 00:56:39.320
And there's tons of strategy options,

828
00:56:39.420 --> 00:56:42.380
but that's some top of mind first thoughts.

829
00:56:42.580 --> 00:56:43.180
Is that helpful?

830
00:56:44.060 --> 00:56:45.440
Yeah, yeah, it is.

831
00:56:46.920 --> 00:56:49.900
I think it's more so I'm coming to the place

832
00:56:51.300 --> 00:56:54.120
where there are things about my life

833
00:56:54.120 --> 00:56:55.620
I think I need to tell her

834
00:56:55.620 --> 00:56:59.280
and I'm getting really anxious about that for a life.

835
00:57:01.000 --> 00:57:05.060
Yeah, because her and I have, it's funny,

836
00:57:05.120 --> 00:57:06.940
we're like a little married couple

837
00:57:07.340 --> 00:57:10.800
or in the sense that we've learned how to communicate

838
00:57:11.700 --> 00:57:14.180
when she's not responding, right?

839
00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:18.460
So we're getting better at that, yeah.

840
00:57:19.240 --> 00:57:20.560
Yeah, powerful.

841
00:57:21.640 --> 00:57:22.100
Awesome.

842
00:57:22.100 --> 00:57:23.300
It's a whole deep dive,

843
00:57:23.480 --> 00:57:27.420
but we'll save that for the next steps, please.

844
00:57:29.480 --> 00:57:32.420
Well, Christine, thank you so much

845
00:57:33.180 --> 00:57:35.280
for coming and sharing with us tonight.

846
00:57:36.380 --> 00:57:39.160
This is a really powerful topic, as you can tell.

847
00:57:39.460 --> 00:57:40.240
I mean, it just gets,

848
00:57:40.400 --> 00:57:42.680
there's a lot of things to uncover here.

849
00:57:44.360 --> 00:57:46.740
And like I said, at the beginning of this call,

850
00:57:46.860 --> 00:57:48.000
if you're just joining us late,

851
00:57:49.200 --> 00:57:51.140
we are talking with Christine

852
00:57:51.140 --> 00:57:53.420
about how to integrate her work

853
00:57:53.420 --> 00:57:55.140
with the Last Year Single program.

854
00:57:55.380 --> 00:57:56.840
So that there may be something

855
00:57:56.980 --> 00:57:59.440
that we're going to share later on

856
00:57:59.440 --> 00:58:01.280
about integrating her as a coach

857
00:58:01.280 --> 00:58:03.580
and doing some coaching within our program.

858
00:58:03.780 --> 00:58:07.020
So we're working that out to see how we can provide that

859
00:58:07.020 --> 00:58:09.420
and we'll let everybody know how that works

860
00:58:10.620 --> 00:58:14.080
because we just feel like this is such a powerful compliment

861
00:58:14.080 --> 00:58:16.740
to the heart work and what we're trying to do here

862
00:58:16.740 --> 00:58:17.880
within Last Year Single,

863
00:58:18.440 --> 00:58:23.280
which is literally just reframing our lives,

864
00:58:23.900 --> 00:58:27.160
helping us to put our best foot forward,

865
00:58:27.380 --> 00:58:28.400
our best self forward.

866
00:58:28.540 --> 00:58:30.920
That's the most attractive version of us

867
00:58:30.920 --> 00:58:33.440
is when we're operating and behaving

868
00:58:33.440 --> 00:58:35.300
in the best possible way.

869
00:58:35.400 --> 00:58:38.120
And at the root of that is what we believe,

870
00:58:38.520 --> 00:58:39.360
what we think about,

871
00:58:39.920 --> 00:58:44.920
how we behave on those patterns of beliefs and thinking.

872
00:58:44.920 --> 00:58:47.640
So it's super, super important.

873
00:58:48.540 --> 00:58:50.720
And can't thank you enough, Christine,

874
00:58:50.920 --> 00:58:53.140
for the coaching that we've done together

875
00:58:53.140 --> 00:58:55.300
and I really appreciate the breakthrough

876
00:58:55.300 --> 00:58:57.900
and stuff that's happened with me.

877
00:58:58.780 --> 00:59:01.680
And guys, if you have questions

878
00:59:03.320 --> 00:59:05.360
about the opportunities

879
00:59:05.360 --> 00:59:07.940
that we're going to work with Christine on,

880
00:59:08.340 --> 00:59:12.480
email us at admin at jackiedorman.com.

881
00:59:13.420 --> 00:59:18.180
And then if you put your email in the chat,

882
00:59:19.040 --> 00:59:21.060
we'll leave some time for Christine to grab.

883
00:59:21.200 --> 00:59:23.400
I don't know if you've been able to grab all of those.

884
00:59:24.160 --> 00:59:26.660
If not, I might be able to get a copy of the chat.

885
00:59:26.860 --> 00:59:28.120
I think it might be just forward to you,

886
00:59:28.140 --> 00:59:31.420
but I don't know however you're going to grab those.

887
00:59:31.460 --> 00:59:34.360
But she was going to be willing to give you

888
00:59:34.360 --> 00:59:37.000
a little bit of a bonus work sheet

889
00:59:38.240 --> 00:59:40.740
based on the stuff that we talked about tonight

890
00:59:41.400 --> 00:59:42.680
and give you an opportunity

891
00:59:42.680 --> 00:59:45.660
to do a little bit of that work on your own.

892
00:59:46.720 --> 00:59:50.120
So again, if you want to put your email in the chat

893
00:59:50.120 --> 00:59:51.600
and she'll grab that.

894
00:59:52.620 --> 00:59:54.540
And then if you don't get all of them, Christine,

895
00:59:54.760 --> 00:59:57.120
just ask me and I can probably provide you

896
00:59:57.400 --> 00:59:59.840
with a transcript of the chat.

897
01:00:02.620 --> 01:00:07.200
I think I got everything. Thanks for letting me join. We're so glad you joined us in the

898
01:00:07.200 --> 01:00:13.320
man cave tonight. And, uh, you know, that was kind of funny. The lights went out. We're

899
01:00:13.320 --> 01:00:21.500
like, all right, welcome to the cave question. I came in a little late. Will this be on replay?

900
01:00:21.680 --> 01:00:26.540
Would this video be on replay? We did record it under. Yeah, we did. Good. Because a lot

901
01:00:26.540 --> 01:00:33.180
of this stuff. Isn't that bad? No, that's not that bad. No, it's pretty good. Pretty

902
01:00:33.180 --> 01:00:38.780
awesome. All right, guys. Have a great, great rest of your week. Uh, bless you. And we'll

903
01:00:38.780 --> 01:00:47.100
be back next week to hang together and to, uh, to continue on baby. Can I pray us out?

904
01:00:47.100 --> 01:00:52.360
No, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. We love it. Tools are great, but Holy spirit

905
01:00:52.360 --> 01:00:57.680
knows how to do stuff. That's so true. So we don't want to leave out that part. Holy

906
01:00:57.900 --> 01:01:03.400
spirit, beautiful God. I ask that every single man on this call and every man listening in

907
01:01:03.400 --> 01:01:07.880
the replay that you would just wash over them right now from the top of their head to the

908
01:01:08.400 --> 01:01:13.400
soles of their feet. Thank you, God, that your heart is for relationships, for marriage,

909
01:01:13.920 --> 01:01:18.900
for covenant, God, that your heart is for family. Thank you that your heart is for identity

910
01:01:18.900 --> 01:01:24.400
for us to know the fullness of who we are in you and to be empowered to walk that out

911
01:01:24.820 --> 01:01:30.880
with authority, with confidence, with peace, with deep joy. God, I ask that even before

912
01:01:30.880 --> 01:01:34.800
the end of this week, you would show up in supernatural ways for every single one of

913
01:01:34.800 --> 01:01:39.220
these men that you would breathe on their dreams, their passions, God, that you would

914
01:01:39.220 --> 01:01:44.900
show up and thank you that you can even rewire brain patterns in more less than 21 days.

915
01:01:44.900 --> 01:01:49.860
You can do it in an instant. And God, we give you permission to supernaturally just

916
01:01:49.940 --> 01:01:56.240
come and do your work. Lord, I pray that angels would come in the night that, um, just angelic

917
01:01:56.380 --> 01:02:02.780
visitations, visions, dreams. God, we ask for you to empower each of us to live in the

918
01:02:02.780 --> 01:02:08.020
fullness of all you designed for us to be. And I bless every single partner that you've

919
01:02:08.020 --> 01:02:13.020
handpicked for each of these men. I pray that the path of them finding each other would

920
01:02:13.020 --> 01:02:19.080
be easy and sweet and filled with so much joy and so many moments of your fingerprints

921
01:02:19.080 --> 01:02:24.160
and your presence that every step along the way in the journey would be an invitation

922
01:02:24.160 --> 01:02:29.780
to know you more, to know themselves more, to be able to give and receive love to every

923
01:02:29.780 --> 01:02:34.620
single human that they interact with God. And that you would truly do just beautiful,

924
01:02:35.320 --> 01:02:41.460
incredible, supernatural partnerships where one plus one equals a 10,000 Lord for kingdom

925
01:02:41.460 --> 01:02:46.920
impact. We praise you before we even see it. God, because we know all your promises

926
01:02:46.920 --> 01:02:52.900
are yes and amen in Jesus mighty name. And I honor you guys. Thanks for being here. Just

927
01:02:52.900 --> 01:02:58.480
as a woman, I want to say thank you for doing the work. Thank you so much for caring to

928
01:02:58.480 --> 01:03:04.100
lean in and address all the heart work. That's no small thing. And it just means a ton that

929
01:03:04.100 --> 01:03:10.860
you have the passion and intention and courage to go to the hard places. It's like really,

930
01:03:10.860 --> 01:03:15.960
really stunning to see. So thank you on behalf of all women. I don't know if I'm certified

931
01:03:15.960 --> 01:03:21.800
to be a spokesperson for all women, but from my heart to yours, I say, yeah, in the guy

932
01:03:21.800 --> 01:03:28.660
world, any woman is, is certified to speak on behalf of all femininity. That's for sure.

933
01:03:29.520 --> 01:03:36.520
I will take that. All right. So good. Thank you once again, Christine, thank you. It was

934
01:03:36.520 --> 01:03:42.360
so great. It was so awesome. And, um, I mean, you know, maybe we can have you back, um,

935
01:03:42.640 --> 01:03:47.820
you know, in another time and, uh, just share another dimension of that. It'd be really

936
01:03:47.840 --> 01:03:53.580
cool. I'd love that. You let me know. God bless guys. Have a great, great night. Have

937
01:03:53.580 --> 01:03:59.480
a great week. Thanks for joining us at man club. Yes. It's honored. Thanks, David.