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7 o'clock caught me by surprise. It's 7-on-1. My word. Okay. We're working with a full house.

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Mandy, I am so happy to see you. I have been thinking about you. I have been concerned

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about you. I have no way to get in contact with you and hear you up here. Praise Jesus.

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Don't leave me like that, girl. I want to look for you in third year. I said, did she

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transfer? I literally been looking for you. How are you? I took a month off. I've never

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used the word mental health in my life until this phase, so. My word. Came into phase two

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and you need a mental health month. Yeah, I did. I just, well, I felt like I was supposed

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to give God the month of August and I didn't. I rushed into phase two and then I was like,

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okay, I'll give you the month of September. So I did and it's been nice, like a nice reset,

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but I have gotten off all dating apps. Like I just, so then I was like, do I even join?

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Like, what do I do? But I'm up late making banana bread tonight. So I was like, I might

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as well. Well, honey, you know, you look good when you make banana bread. Okay. I'm

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so glad that you joined us tonight and I totally understand. I have taken myself off of things,

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distractions, and we're going to get started. But you know, I always say this and I've come

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to learn this. God is highly invested in us as individuals. We have a high investment

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for a spouse. He has a high investment for us because he knows that once he develops

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us, then there's nothing in the way from doing a kingdom marriage the way he designed

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for us to have it. And so it's just so interesting how invested he is in us. And that's why

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when Jackie speaks of marriage and how easy it is, though, it seems like the journey is

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long. She knows that it's a guarantee just because of how invested in us God is. But

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I'm learning that he is a father that when you want kingdom, he says, okay, well, let's

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clean it up. Because if you want kingdom, if you want what heaven has, it looks a certain

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way and it requires a certain heart posture in an individual to carry it. And so I understand.

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Hey, and I feel like God really just needed to show me like the importance of what you

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and showing me how to do it properly and not with my flesh and not led by my soul,

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but really led by the spirit again, like I originally wanted it to be. So just yeah,

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whatever's next. I'm open for it. But yeah.

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Oh, that's good. That's a great update. I'm so happy. I'm happy to see you other ladies

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also. It's just that it's been a minute for Mandy, but I'm happy to see all of y'all.

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I would do my usual shouts out, but we're four minutes in. So, but I'm excited. Let's pray.

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Father God, I thank you for these ladies. I thank you for wisdom. I thank you for understanding.

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I thank you that you've given us kingdom solutions that get to the root of the issue that we

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may be whole and complete, lacking no good thing. We love you in Jesus name. Amen.

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All right. Well, ladies, I don't have any updates.

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Who's coming to the five year anniversary in a couple of weeks?

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Just a show of hand, anybody on tonight that's coming? I will be there.

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And if you will be there, I'm going to be so happy to see you.

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And so, you know, they say people look different in person than they do on the screen.

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And so if I act like I don't know, you say, you know, you know me.

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And then if I look at you, it's like, I know you know me. I might not remember your name.

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I want you to remember it's me. I don't know.

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It's strangest thing when you get in front of somebody, they just kind of look a little different,

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look a little shorter, maybe a little taller because you can't tell on camera.

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But if any of you guys do come, we'll be happy to see you. Sarah, you're not coming?

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You're in Austin.

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Does it cost money?

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Yeah, it was $50.

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Oh, okay. I think that's why I didn't sign up.

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Well, I totally understand that.

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So, ladies, what do we have tonight?

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What are your thoughts? What have you been processing?

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What has the Lord been showing you?

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How's your personal dating life? Let's go, Sarah.

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It's okay. Waddell.

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Yeah. I don't know that it follows any correct phonetic stuff.

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You heard me.

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Yeah, um, well, I've got a few things I don't want to take very long, but, um, so I did

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want to start by saying last week, I, uh, brought up that, uh, one of my closest friends

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told me that when she sees me interact with single guys, that I'm really, uh, defensive

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and kind of mean, which if you know me, like, normally people say I'm not mean enough, um,

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and so I found that surprising. Um, so, and you told me to just do the opposite of what

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I would normally do. And so this past weekend I went with some friends from church to do

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some Latin dancing lessons and I've done them before. It was super fun, but when I, I found

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myself wanting to be like really standoffish and not like engage much with whoever I'm

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dancing with. And so I did the opposite and I smiled and I was nice and it was really

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uncomfortable, but, um, I think it helped. I, you know, I was asked to dance more than

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I normally am. And, you know, imagine that someone smiles and wants to dance with somebody

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who smiles and is not mean. Um, so thank you. I didn't realize how quickly if I'm uncomfortable,

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I turn into that, I'm going to be mean to these guys. Um, so that, that was just a thank

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you, but, um, it's all cute. Seems so small, but apparently really hard for me. Um, so

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my question kind of two part is, um, so I've been back on the dating apps for two weeks

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now, I think. Um, and no, no dates yet. Um, I am texting a guy we've been texting for

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a week or messaging for a week and we just started texting last night and he still hasn't

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asked me out on a date. And I know this comes up a lot in here, but I'm just, I don't, I

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don't understand. And I said today, I, uh, we were joking back and forth about places

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we've traveled and we both said, oh yeah, we should go together. Blah, blah, blah. You

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know, joking. And, um, and when he said it to me, I said it first, but then when he said

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it to me, I said, oh, I'd probably be down one day, but I got to meet you first. Winky

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face. And, um, and then he was like, for sure. And then ask me something else and continue

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the conversation. So I'm just like, what? Do you have any intention of asking me out

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on a date? How long are we supposed to be talking? I don't know. Yeah. Um, I would have

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to be, um, honest with you. I would stop texting him and require voice conversation. Um, you're

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going to run into that. Let's just get beat. Just as be texting buddies and you're right

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there at that. Um, if you exchange your number, I will go to a voice call and you can share

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with him that you, well, I'm going to tell you what you're going to share it. And I could

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fix it up that you're not in the business. So talking to people you've not seen before,

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like that's just not the business that you're in as an adult. So, um, I will move to a voice

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call our next conversation. So when you text and say, Hey, I would love to schedule an opportunity

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to talk with you a voice call. Here's my availability. What do you have? Um, and then

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you can also say, I made a hint at, um, us meeting up possibly. Um, wait a minute.

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Let's just, let's see what, let's see what happens when you move to the voice call. Um,

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um, and it might, so he, he went like several hours today without saying anything, which

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that brings me to my second question a second, if we have time, but, um, then he just messaged

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me before I got on here. Cause I said something happened at work, but you know, I'm trying to be

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tough or whatever. And he said, would you say you're a dominant person? Um, which I thought

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was an odd question. I've never been asked that before. Um, and then talked about something else.

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So maybe that's where I say, like, I don't, that's something I don't text about. I don't know.

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Yeah. Um, you know, now you want to move, we want to move from text to conversation.

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You want to get these texts and conversations. It's not going to let's, let's move from text

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to conversation. You know, you could have told him like, Oh, that's an interesting question.

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How about you and I schedule a time we can talk and just say, you know, um,

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I'm not a big texter with, especially when I'm getting to know a person.

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So I prefer that we have a conversation and then schedule a meetup time for coffee.

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You can say all that in one chunk.

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These are the times that I'm available to speak with you.

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Okay. Okay.

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Now, once you lay that down, once you say that, what is it going to measure for you

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if he responds back with, okay, this is the time that I can speak?

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Because, so this is where you're going to be able to tell which way he's trying to go

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with this, or he acts like you've never even seen it.

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So you're not going to continue to text him.

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He's going to text you, you're not going to respond for hours.

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And then probably four hours later, he's going to say, hey, got your text.

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I don't know if you missed it, but I mentioned to you earlier

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that I prefer to have a voice conversation.

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Let me know when you can talk and we'll finish this conversation.

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That's the last you're going to speak of it.

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Okay. And then after that, right.

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Got it. Thank you.

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Are you comfortable with that?

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Yeah. Well, I've never, I, even though I'm mean to these guys,

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supposedly I struggle with telling people no.

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So that's going to be, it's going to push me, but I think it's a good thing.

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So, or not no, but you know, pushing back on people.

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I struggle with that actually.

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So yeah.

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Well, see, this is not pushing back.

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This is, this is you talking about what Sarah is going to do.

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Yeah. This ain't going to, this is not about you pushing back on him.

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This is about you setting the standard for your life.

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So this is the beginning stages of Sarah setting standards.

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And Sarah doesn't have to be mean to tell people to stay back away from her.

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She has a voice that is worthy to be heard.

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Your voice can be heard. You are seen, heard, and known Sarah.

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And so the, you're just, this is you stating what Sarah does.

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He can make his own decisions, but this is how you operate.

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I like that.

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So you want to get used to taking your stand as to who you are because it's

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necessary. So I'm excited for you to do this. This is really good activity.

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You're welcome. I'm telling you when you're dating, it's such low stakes.

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You can practice more easily.

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Like I know you feel really nervous about it and you're afraid,

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but the truth is you ain't got a lot of skin in the game.

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So if it don't work,

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at least you practice saying what you want and standing your

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ground. And I'm going to tell you when you do it,

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it don't matter who you do it with. Once you do it,

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I'm telling you some muscles come, you feel them. You'll be like, yeah,

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that's right. I'm not going to sit and sit on the phone with you.

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Yeah. You're going to enjoy it. You're going to really enjoy it.

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So when you said no skin in the game,

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that was the second part of my question,

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but I know I've already taken a while so I can ask it later on the app.

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But so I've noticed myself going into old

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patterns of like today when there were hours between us talking

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I get this really attached, like nervous. Oh my gosh,

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I've already blown it somehow. He's done with me already. Like I,

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ah, I, and I have done this every relationship I've ever been in any dating

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scenario. I just,

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I like immediately go to romanticizing all of it and I haven't even met them.

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Yeah. So please help.

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I know that is so funny ladies. How many of you guys have done that?

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Just raise your hand so we can support Sarah here. Let me raise my hand.

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Thank you. Okay. So yes,

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this is a real thing and the fact that you recognize that you're doing it

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is the bonus, right? It is the thing that, Oh,

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I recognize I'm doing that thing again.

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And then what you say to that thing is I'm not going to do that because I don't

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have to do this. And then you coach yourself. You tell yourself the truth.

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This thing that happens is not going to just disappear.

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But when you speak back to it and set boundaries within yourself and cause

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yourself to come under submission of the truth that you do know in the wisdom

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that you do carry,

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then you'll see that that thing is not going to have such strength with you

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anymore. And so one reason you feel a little nervous about it,

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these are some truths. You're talking to somebody,

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you got somebody on the hook, you know, you got somebody on the line,

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like you, you want to go on a date. That's the whole goal.

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And so let's not discount that that is happening and running in the background.

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Let's not discount that you do desire to meet someone that can be a mate for

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you. We are dating for discovery,

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but a lot of stuff we discount and don't realize that it could be.

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playing a role, but if you rightly divide things, you can take a stand. But if you don't kind of

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take the mud and kind of separate it, the dirt from the water, you'll find yourself always doing

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this kind of thing. And then how about we just accept, well, I'm excited to be talking to

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somebody. I'm excited that someone is taking interest in me. Yeah, so this makes me nervous.

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Yeah, I'm thinking, did I say something wrong? I don't know. Let me look back at my text. Nope,

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doesn't look like anything is wrong to me. Okay. Oh, I'm not the problem. He just hasn't

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responded back yet. It's okay if he doesn't respond. People do have a life. I'm glad to

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know a person who has purpose. I have purpose. I do more than hold my phone. Like, I know that

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seems so simple, but if you will learn to talk yourself through the behavior that you're having,

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you could bring things back into a center place and accept you for who you are and start rejecting

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the part of you that does that and speak some sense into that part of you that does that.

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And so that's what I want to encourage you to do and anybody else to do, because that's what I do

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with myself. I remind myself, like, no, you didn't do anything wrong. And even if you did,

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if a person doesn't have grace for you, then that's on them.

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It's true. That is true.

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And you're showing up as yourself. If they don't give you an opportunity to clean up

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your mess and that shows the way they deal with getting to know a person.

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And like, those are some things I have, I'm a believer in talking to ourselves,

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because it's one thing we will do as ladies. We will beat ourself up, but we won't take time to

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talk to ourselves. We won't take time to show grace to ourselves. And it's very important that

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you take time to coach yourself, to talk to yourself, to tell yourself truth. And what if

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I did blow it? So what? It's not the end of the world. Like, okay, I'm human and it's okay.

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And then so I'm a coach of myself. And I encourage you, Sarah, to coach yourself. All of us,

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when we start leaning into that anxiousness, say, I see you,

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I see me leaning toward anxiousness, but I'm going to bring myself back over here.

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Thank you.

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This is better than the therapy sessions I go to where I actually pay therapists.

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Thank you. It was very helpful.

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You're welcome. We thank God for kingdom solutions and wisdom.

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Heaven cares it all. And we're so happy to be partakers of it. So y'all just pull it. I believe

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the more we ask of heaven, the more we pull, the more he pours out through whatever vessel

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is speaking, he will do it. All right, Felicia, how are you?

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I am wonderful.

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Well, good. Praise Jesus. How's your heart doing?

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My heart is well. I, so wonderful to train your heart, how to, you know,

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get through the things in life. Yeah. Because we can't stop the things that come, right?

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That's true.

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Our heart is trained and we're able to be within a different level, right?

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Yeah.

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Good. Yeah. Wonderful. You know, one of the things I want to thank you all for

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family. I'm kind of the rock in the family. So we're going to traveling up.

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What Friday to not a funeral person, but I get called in my heart that I need to

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support his wife. He just was a support to him. They were not together, but she,

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they weren't divorced, but she was going to support him and she wanted to be there.

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And also his friends that stood with him. It's such a perfect example of, I don't know if they

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know that it's a biblical thing they did and they walked through with him. His friends were amazing.

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They have always been by his side. So I want to hear in my heart. I need to

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go there to send a great appreciation to each and every one. So I'll be saying,

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I'll be doing a message at the funeral.

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Yeah. You guys Felicia's brother transition. And so that's what she's referring to.

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Yeah. How far is the drive? Well, I'm not going to drive. I'm going to fly away. She's going to

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like take me to Chicago and back. Okay. Yes. So we'll be there. I'm not a great

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driver. Five hours a little bit too much for me right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot

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of sacrifice, financial sacrifice and stuff, but just the love is pulling me to be there.

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So we're going to be there and see my sister. I haven't seen in a while.

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it's going to be a mixture of little things, good things. Yeah. We're going to have fun in the

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midst of that. Yeah. So yeah, I want to give you an update. I haven't, um, take a break. I mean,

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I'm softer in my, in my seeking and still say, hi, I don't want to, I didn't feel like I need

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to totally get off. I need to test myself, how I would be in that, you know, in that journey.

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I've been through a lot of that. I've been through husband passed away. So I know grief,

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so different, different timing, but it was a great time for me to test myself. And it was

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really, really a good time. I went on a date with this guy last Wednesday and I didn't get time to

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post. Um, you know, he's young, he's 40. I'm like, dear God, how old are you? I'm 51. Oh,

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that's just 11 years. Right? Yeah. 40. I was like, Ooh, I can't even pass 49. I got to coach

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myself to say hi to 49, but he was, he wanted to say to meet me and he was like on it. So I went

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and we had a good dinner, you know, but you know, we see where we're at. We're in coaching and he

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lost his mom and he's grieving a lot. He shed some tears in the conversation. I didn't do a

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video call, which I normally do. But when I went, um, he cried when he was talking about his mom

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and he lost his two children. So he has a lot of stuff going on there. Yeah. A lot of stuff is

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lost by gun backless and something like that. I didn't get into too much of the children,

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but the mom is what's on his heart now. So the great thing about it is that he's looking,

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he started going to counseling the very week he decided that he needs the help.

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And I really give him credit for doing that. He wants to do that and his job is going to pay for

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that. And that's good. But he's not, you know, because of where we're at, you can see that he's

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not, it would be, it would not be great to put yourself into a relationship with someone like

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that. And you can see, I, you know, I'm not sorry for him. I'm empathized with his passing

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because I've gone through that, but you know, but I didn't shut him off. You know, he say hi to me

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and I still say a little higher now and then with boundaries, you know? So yeah, so that's going well.

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And then I continue, well, I have a surprise that I was talking to this other guy at the same time

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and we, we meet and then he surprised me with lunch yesterday at work. So he was like, those

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two were close. And you talk about it. That close is so amazing that you get to

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you walk into work and I'm like, Oh my God, it was so beautiful though. And he brought lunch

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and kind of feed her on what I like. And he was like, can you please let me know? Is that,

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is that exactly what you like? It was a perfect salad. It was really good. So we went outside.

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So we have a nice beer a day where we can sit and talk and eat. And it was really good.

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It was really nice. Yes. And then I have this other guy that I'm talking to, he's in North

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Carolina. I'm like, you know, they're coming in full swing and they're, you know, there is like

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a different, it's a different season of them. He wants to meet me and you know, he's fun and he's,

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he's 59. Yeah. So I'm just enjoying conversation and meeting and see where it goes and

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learn to see, you know, where I'm at also, but it's a beautiful thing. So I'm getting into dating.

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I'm not posting. I need to, but yes, it's happening. This other one in North Carolina,

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he wants to meet me, but because I'm going away, it would have to wait until I get back.

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But he's fun, you know, he's full of life and all of that good stuff. So let's see what happens.

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Any coaching for me? Felicia. I mean, you guys will have to, if anybody who's been around long

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enough to know what Felicia started in hell, she's got me and just racking them up saying,

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yeah, I'm dating. I'm like, okay, what happened to the truck driver? Did we drop him altogether?

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Yeah. I, I, you know, he, he has to understand that he's not emotionally available.

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Many times we talk about it and we have a way where he started in the end, where he starts

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saying that I need to be patient. And I didn't like that. I think he was trying to cultivate

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me to become, you know, because just like you said, you said it and I'm telling you,

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you're worth so on point and I know exactly that's what, and I told him, I said, you're trying to

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cultivate me because he doesn't know what I've done. I've waited 18 years for my husband to come

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until, and, you know, he didn't come home through the front door and came home in a

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different place. And I don't want to go back.

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that. In that he wasn't, he didn't even try to be what he

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taught. That's how he does it. You know, he likes to just rest

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for two days. And then no, we can't do that. That's not what

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we do. And saying that if we're not in coaching, and coaching is

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so amazing in this place that we could have just picked on that

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and maybe think something of it, but I could not want something

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like that. You know, I need someone who's around.

295
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Yeah.

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Felicia, unmute yourself. I had to mute everybody to mute one

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person. Sorry.

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Okay, sorry. Yes. So I let him know that he's not emotionally

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available. I wish he could take that as you know, someone who's

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seen it because when I asked him one question, I said, what is

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one of the hardest thing a woman has to deal with you with? And

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he said, his son. And I said, I don't know. I don't know. I

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don't know. What is the one here? Exactly what it is you

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know, he thinks you need to skirt around his schedule and

305
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wait on him when he's ready to work like that.

306
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Right. Well, that's good. I'm glad that that's ended. Yeah.

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Yeah. But you know, one thing about it, I believe this when we

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when we get rid of what isn't best for us when we take a

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pain when we notice that someone is not serving our life

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life best, especially in dating, and you drop that one, it just

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keeps getting better and better.

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Exactly.

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Kind of like when you if you've ever sold insurance or sold

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something, the more nose you get, the closer to the yes, you

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get. It's like the more you start shaving back like, oh,

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yeah, this isn't serving me. If you hold on out of a scarcity

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mentality, you keep getting toxicity, you you keep lip

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dealing in there and then you kind of emotionally tied up in

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it. But when you just go ahead and sweep it to the side and

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say, hey, this isn't serving me best, then something else comes

321
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or something else coming something about on that dating

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train. It's like once one break or once one pop happens, it

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kind of flows. Now I know something can happen and shit

324
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like nothing for crickets for a while. But it seems like it

325
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gains a momentum. And then something just keeps operating.

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And so there is a momentum that does happen in dating. And so

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I'm excited for you, Felicia. And I'm so glad that you

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scooted him to the side. But I'm glad that he also was one he was

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a person that came along and broke you open and dating like

330
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got the ball rolling for you. Everything every person we meet

331
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serves us because it's the journey that we're on in the

332
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journey always tells us something about ourself.

333
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Right, right. That's good. One thing I realized, though, is

334
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that I don't know if it's something that I need to deal

335
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with that I'm finding that the closer they get to a memory, I

336
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don't want that memory. I realized that they just phase

337
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themselves out easily. I don't never had to tell anyone really.

338
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They just honestly face themselves. They realize that,

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you know, that's not what I want. That's not what I'm going

340
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to find. And very nicely, they just like, you know, just phase

341
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themselves out. You know, I don't know if that's something

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that I should look into, because I do see a familiar pattern that

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just, you know, keep coming up. And I really don't want that,

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you know, like with the guy who lost his mom and, you know, you

345
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know, he's, he's not well, he's not well to me, but he snapped

346
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the other day. And I said to him, I said, Hey, you're

347
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snapping. And you know, you know, what was that? And he

348
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said, Well, another woman had told me that I was not ready

349
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for a relationship. And he think I was saying that to him,

350
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because I was telling that I'm going to just continue working

351
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through my healing. And I think that's what I need to do. And

352
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I'm so grateful. He's doing the same thing. And that's, you

353
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know, that's a great choice we make in getting counseling and

354
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getting help with his grief. And then he snapped. And I said,

355
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you're snapping. Why are you snapping? But he thought I was

356
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rejecting him. Maybe that's what he thought.

357
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Right.

358
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Well, you handle that well.

359
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Yeah.

360
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So I'll let you know, update you more about this. And I'll

361
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continue.

362
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You know, okay, sounds good.

363
00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:34.820
Thank you. I'm so grateful for your priors. So grateful for

364
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your coaching. I get to always experience what you teach. I

365
00:29:40.700 --> 00:29:43.960
don't know why I just always experience exactly what you

366
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teach me. And I'm excited about it.

367
00:29:46.540 --> 00:29:51.940
Yeah, I'm excited, too. Hey, Jesus. Yeah, that's awesome.

368
00:29:52.640 --> 00:29:55.460
Susan, is this my first time meeting you?

369
00:29:55.960 --> 00:29:57.980
Yes, it's my first time on here.

370
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Welcome. We're so

371
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Happy to have you.

372
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Thank you.

373
00:30:02.140 --> 00:30:02.660
Yeah.

374
00:30:02.660 --> 00:30:04.820
How long have you been in phase two?

375
00:30:05.020 --> 00:30:07.120
I just like this week.

376
00:30:07.600 --> 00:30:07.940
Yeah.

377
00:30:08.520 --> 00:30:09.040
Yeah.

378
00:30:09.160 --> 00:30:11.800
I watched her dating one on one video already.

379
00:30:12.300 --> 00:30:12.820
Yeah.

380
00:30:13.240 --> 00:30:13.760
Yeah.

381
00:30:13.760 --> 00:30:16.760
Well, look, we're so happy to do this part of the journey with you.

382
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We truly are.

383
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I want you to know that as an organization, as a ministry, that we're praying for your

384
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success and we're so excited for what heaven is doing in your life.

385
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And so thank you for trusting us as a safe place and allowing us to do this journey with

386
00:30:33.540 --> 00:30:33.960
you.

387
00:30:34.120 --> 00:30:35.280
Oh, thank you, Ebony.

388
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You're so sweet.

389
00:30:36.400 --> 00:30:36.680
You're welcome.

390
00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:37.300
Yeah.

391
00:30:37.640 --> 00:30:38.120
Yeah.

392
00:30:38.120 --> 00:30:39.200
What you got?

393
00:30:39.680 --> 00:30:40.400
Um, okay.

394
00:30:41.040 --> 00:30:41.520
So.

395
00:30:41.540 --> 00:30:42.320
Bear with me.

396
00:30:42.340 --> 00:30:43.160
Hopefully I don't look crazy.

397
00:30:43.240 --> 00:30:44.740
I just got home from a chemical appeal.

398
00:30:45.540 --> 00:30:50.880
My face isn't all red and weird, but, um, no, I, I went on a date like two weeks ago

399
00:30:50.880 --> 00:30:56.120
with a guy from hinge, um, and it went really well.

400
00:30:56.120 --> 00:31:01.260
We were, we ended up staying for like three hours and he was like, you're the prettier

401
00:31:01.260 --> 00:31:06.380
in person and your smile, like you're authentic and you're just, your spirit radiates out

402
00:31:06.380 --> 00:31:07.140
of your smile.

403
00:31:07.140 --> 00:31:08.620
And he was just giving me all these compliments.

404
00:31:08.700 --> 00:31:14.240
Like it wasn't love feeling it.

405
00:31:14.480 --> 00:31:19.880
And he, he mentioned, um, he's like, we were talking about what types of food we like.

406
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:24.300
And then I said, I like Thai food and he's like, okay, well, we'll do Thai food next

407
00:31:24.300 --> 00:31:24.640
date.

408
00:31:24.640 --> 00:31:27.280
And he's like, what are you free next Wednesday or Thursday?

409
00:31:29.060 --> 00:31:33.820
And I said, yeah, I think next Wednesday would be a better day, but we didn't like really

410
00:31:33.820 --> 00:31:34.720
set it in stone.

411
00:31:34.760 --> 00:31:39.660
And then we just kept talking and then anyway, but I had it in my head that it was going

412
00:31:39.680 --> 00:31:40.240
to happen.

413
00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:45.040
And then, um, I had company coming into town right after that.

414
00:31:45.120 --> 00:31:48.540
So he's like, well, I'll try not to bother you too much, but I'll just message you and

415
00:31:48.540 --> 00:31:48.860
say hi.

416
00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:51.040
So you'd like text me every day and just say, good morning.

417
00:31:51.060 --> 00:31:52.000
How was, how are you?

418
00:31:52.140 --> 00:31:52.680
How's your company?

419
00:31:52.840 --> 00:31:53.160
You know?

420
00:31:53.840 --> 00:31:59.860
So most days he texts me or every other day, but he hasn't mentioned like going out again.

421
00:32:00.300 --> 00:32:05.780
And so I was like a little bit disappointed, but then I was just kind of confused and now

422
00:32:05.780 --> 00:32:06.380
I'm just annoyed.

423
00:32:07.800 --> 00:32:10.600
Um, but so how does that work?

424
00:32:10.600 --> 00:32:13.120
I was listening to Jackie's dating one Oh one.

425
00:32:13.180 --> 00:32:17.140
And I think she said like, help him out.

426
00:32:17.220 --> 00:32:19.740
Maybe some men aren't good at it by the third or fourth date.

427
00:32:19.740 --> 00:32:21.900
But I'm like, what about the second date?

428
00:32:21.940 --> 00:32:25.100
Cause he was really good at just like from the app.

429
00:32:25.220 --> 00:32:31.540
Hey, let's, you know, uh, I, I have another coach that I had been working with before

430
00:32:31.560 --> 00:32:33.220
and she taught me on dating apps.

431
00:32:33.300 --> 00:32:38.380
Like she, she would only go three back and forth and then she'd say, I'd like to hear

432
00:32:38.380 --> 00:32:41.620
your voice or I'm not a text or I'd like to have a voice to voice connection.

433
00:32:41.680 --> 00:32:43.420
If I give you my number, will you call me?

434
00:32:43.540 --> 00:32:44.760
So I do that on all apps.

435
00:32:44.980 --> 00:32:46.820
Like I get to the point.

436
00:32:47.420 --> 00:32:51.340
And so he was instantly like, okay, yeah, I'll call you at 6 PM tomorrow.

437
00:32:51.420 --> 00:32:52.400
Then we did the FaceTime.

438
00:32:52.580 --> 00:32:54.100
Then he asked me on the date on the FaceTime.

439
00:32:54.500 --> 00:32:58.880
So he has like the, I don't know if he's just been busy, but I just didn't know if you had

440
00:32:59.220 --> 00:33:03.580
advice on how to navigate it or do I just keep, I guess, waiting.

441
00:33:03.800 --> 00:33:06.040
How long has it been since the last date?

442
00:33:06.220 --> 00:33:09.540
The first date was two weeks ago tomorrow.

443
00:33:11.260 --> 00:33:14.180
Oh, and last week he said that y'all were going to go get Ty.

444
00:33:14.180 --> 00:33:14.200
Yeah.

445
00:33:14.420 --> 00:33:18.020
That's what he had said, but then he never brought it up.

446
00:33:18.700 --> 00:33:18.840
Right.

447
00:33:18.840 --> 00:33:23.100
He was really excited when he probably said it.

448
00:33:26.300 --> 00:33:28.080
Do you want to go out with him?

449
00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:29.200
Yeah.

450
00:33:29.200 --> 00:33:31.860
I mean, I'm open to go out again with him.

451
00:33:33.400 --> 00:33:36.240
So now I can't figure out what could happen.

452
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:37.560
Like he could be broke.

453
00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:38.680
He could not have the money.

454
00:33:39.820 --> 00:33:40.960
That's a real thing.

455
00:33:41.000 --> 00:33:42.540
He could be waiting until he gets paid.

456
00:33:42.540 --> 00:33:47.180
He could also be entertaining other women because y'all are dating, you know, people

457
00:33:47.180 --> 00:33:49.800
are getting to know each other and spend what money he had.

458
00:33:49.800 --> 00:33:51.660
It didn't work out like he wanted to.

459
00:33:51.880 --> 00:33:55.460
He did want to go out, you know, all of those things are possibilities.

460
00:33:55.620 --> 00:33:59.000
But if you would like to go out on a date, say, Hey, I know we mentioned a couple of

461
00:33:59.000 --> 00:34:03.220
weeks ago us hanging back, us, you know, hanging back out again.

462
00:34:03.260 --> 00:34:08.760
Let me know when you're interested in doing that so that I can, so that I can get the

463
00:34:08.760 --> 00:34:10.600
date on the calendar, you know?

464
00:34:11.120 --> 00:34:13.060
So I know that we talked about this.

465
00:34:13.060 --> 00:34:16.739
I'm very much interested in us going back out again.

466
00:34:16.980 --> 00:34:20.520
Let me know when you would like to do this so I can put a date on the calendar.

467
00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:21.400
Okay.

468
00:34:21.860 --> 00:34:22.300
Okay.

469
00:34:22.420 --> 00:34:28.120
Now, so that means you re-introduced it to him again, and now the ball is completely

470
00:34:28.120 --> 00:34:29.360
in his court.

471
00:34:29.880 --> 00:34:34.780
And if you don't see any traction on that in two weeks, you know, he still wants to

472
00:34:34.800 --> 00:34:37.000
talk consistently or text.

473
00:34:38.139 --> 00:34:45.659
If he still wants to do that, but y'all haven't in another week or so, you know, you're not

474
00:34:45.659 --> 00:34:48.260
looking for a texting partner or pen pal.

475
00:34:49.520 --> 00:34:49.520


476
00:34:49.800 --> 00:34:50.239
Right.

477
00:34:50.239 --> 00:34:52.840
Then you'll know how to make decisions from there.

478
00:34:52.840 --> 00:34:53.199
Okay.

479
00:34:53.739 --> 00:34:54.120
Okay.

480
00:34:54.699 --> 00:34:59.980
So my other question is, yeah, I like his politics.

481
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.680
fix. He's very fit, very good looking. He had Christian on his

482
00:35:06.680 --> 00:35:11.340
thing. So we're on the date and I'm like, really feeling it. And

483
00:35:11.340 --> 00:35:14.940
then I say so you have Christian comma spiritual. What does that

484
00:35:14.940 --> 00:35:20.960
mean to you? So he says, Well, I grew up my mom was Baptist

485
00:35:21.000 --> 00:35:24.140
Christian. My dad was Jehovah's Witness as a child. I was

486
00:35:24.040 --> 00:35:28.720
confused. Oh, I'm like, I just felt myself like, ah, like it

487
00:35:28.720 --> 00:35:34.480
plated. And I'm like, Okay, and then he said, But I have been

488
00:35:34.760 --> 00:35:37.720
thinking about seeking and getting involved in church

489
00:35:37.720 --> 00:35:40.320
lately. And I'm like, Well, that's good to hear. Because

490
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:43.520
that's a deal breaker for me. I said, But you know, I want you

491
00:35:43.520 --> 00:35:47.420
to seek for you. And then I did share like about our church. And

492
00:35:47.420 --> 00:35:50.260
he said, like the pastor growing up just like screamed too much.

493
00:35:50.260 --> 00:35:52.360
And he's like, I just want someone to talk calm and

494
00:35:52.950 --> 00:36:00.310
whatever. And so what, what is? What's the advice there? Like,

495
00:36:00.770 --> 00:36:04.710
because normally for me, I'd be like, Oh, no, done. Like, I'm

496
00:36:04.710 --> 00:36:06.670
very, like picky if they're not a Christian. I'm just like, Oh,

497
00:36:06.670 --> 00:36:10.130
nevermind. But I'm trying to be a little bit more open minded or

498
00:36:10.130 --> 00:36:12.570
a little bit like more chill, like, okay, like God work. He

499
00:36:12.570 --> 00:36:16.170
said he's interested. He asked me to send a sermon of our

500
00:36:16.270 --> 00:36:23.030
church to him. So I sent that to him last week. Any comments

501
00:36:23.030 --> 00:36:24.010
on that?

502
00:36:24.610 --> 00:36:27.630
I think that you can definitely if you want to continue to get

503
00:36:27.630 --> 00:36:32.570
to know him. But I think that you should be sure that you're

504
00:36:33.430 --> 00:36:37.050
squashing some expectation of him to be something then that

505
00:36:37.050 --> 00:36:44.830
he's not. He is a pre believer, at best. And that's just who he

506
00:36:44.830 --> 00:36:48.030
is. And that's where he is. And he's completely he has the right

507
00:36:48.030 --> 00:36:51.870
to be that person. And so what can happen is I really like him,

508
00:36:51.870 --> 00:36:54.170
but I need him to pick up on this Jesus thing. I need him to

509
00:36:54.170 --> 00:36:56.670
pick up on this church thing. I sent him a video. He didn't say

510
00:36:56.670 --> 00:36:59.070
nothing about it. He's gonna have to get that part together

511
00:36:59.070 --> 00:37:01.610
if I'm going to be with them. Right? Do you hear that? Like

512
00:37:01.610 --> 00:37:04.590
that thing? I mean, he's gonna have to get that together. No.

513
00:37:04.750 --> 00:37:08.830
So you have to keep this really straight and see him for who he

514
00:37:08.830 --> 00:37:12.790
is and where he is not for some potential because he asked you

515
00:37:12.790 --> 00:37:15.390
told him about your church and he says he want to know more

516
00:37:15.390 --> 00:37:18.750
about God. Really, we have to understand our own spiritual

517
00:37:18.630 --> 00:37:23.330
journey. Be aware of your growth with the Father. Be aware of

518
00:37:23.330 --> 00:37:27.050
your yeses to God. Be aware of how long it took you to operate

519
00:37:27.050 --> 00:37:31.910
in one area or another and how completely free will the Father

520
00:37:31.910 --> 00:37:40.350
is with us in the area. So um, yeah, so he's definitely a good

521
00:37:40.350 --> 00:37:47.810
to go to like, get to know to, you know, just dating. Um, but I

522
00:37:47.810 --> 00:37:52.230
don't know what type of level of believer you're looking for. Um,

523
00:37:52.230 --> 00:37:55.330
when you're talking about a spouse, but he's definitely good

524
00:37:55.330 --> 00:37:59.830
to go to date and get to know. And I don't know what all things

525
00:37:59.830 --> 00:38:05.050
you may find out about him that may speak to his character and

526
00:38:05.050 --> 00:38:10.570
and, you know, a whole lot of other core things, right? Um,

527
00:38:11.090 --> 00:38:15.210
because, you know, you I don't know, you know, what you're

528
00:38:15.210 --> 00:38:18.230
looking for, but just keep keep your eyesight rightly on who he

529
00:38:18.230 --> 00:38:19.910
is and where he is in the area.

530
00:38:20.470 --> 00:38:23.870
Okay. Yeah. I mean, I didn't know if I should have just been

531
00:38:23.870 --> 00:38:27.890
like, okay, well, call me when you are saved. You know, like, I

532
00:38:27.890 --> 00:38:28.490
didn't know how to

533
00:38:29.630 --> 00:38:32.990
if you were trying to pick him for a husband, there's

534
00:38:32.990 --> 00:38:38.470
different. A husband is mature, masculine, masculine, mature,

535
00:38:38.970 --> 00:38:43.870
and marriage minded. Okay, we're evaluating a man for a date. I'm

536
00:38:43.870 --> 00:38:46.710
not evaluating him for your husband. Okay, you need to

537
00:38:46.710 --> 00:38:49.310
should you evaluate him as a husband, unless you get to know

538
00:38:49.310 --> 00:38:52.170
him more, he actually starts carrying some qualities that

539
00:38:52.170 --> 00:38:56.670
make him look mature, marriage minded and masculine. Any mature

540
00:38:56.750 --> 00:39:01.090
man is going to have some level of relationship spiritually with

541
00:39:01.090 --> 00:39:04.950
Father God, because you you don't you need someone to lead

542
00:39:04.990 --> 00:39:07.750
you. Spiritually, that's that's what you're in the kingdom of

543
00:39:07.750 --> 00:39:11.830
God. So your husband is going to, you know, be a priest of

544
00:39:11.830 --> 00:39:15.730
the home. He has a position as the as the man and you have a

545
00:39:15.730 --> 00:39:23.530
position as the woman. And so I'm not measuring him by those

546
00:39:23.570 --> 00:39:27.750
core things are measuring him by you getting to know him. Okay.

547
00:39:28.470 --> 00:39:32.950
And so so they kind of changes. Okay, I gotcha. He's very

548
00:39:32.950 --> 00:39:37.130
masculine. He's very, he seems so far to have good character.

549
00:39:37.130 --> 00:39:41.510
He's a police officer. He does a lot of like, reading and self

550
00:39:41.510 --> 00:39:44.590
help, but we'll see. I'm not keeping my options closed. I

551
00:39:44.590 --> 00:39:48.550
have a whole other. I have a whole other roster I'm talking

552
00:39:48.550 --> 00:39:48.850
to.

553
00:39:49.170 --> 00:39:53.850
Right? You got a roll of dicks. And, and I like what you say he

554
00:39:54.410 --> 00:39:59.690
because the truth is, a lot of times, all times we don't know a

555
00:39:59.690 --> 00:39:59.950
person.

556
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.540
because we just don't know them.

557
00:40:01.900 --> 00:40:04.180
We've seen some glimpses of some things,

558
00:40:04.460 --> 00:40:06.240
but it's through observation and time

559
00:40:06.240 --> 00:40:07.780
that we really get to know them.

560
00:40:08.140 --> 00:40:10.320
So we know that he likes to read self-help.

561
00:40:10.540 --> 00:40:13.420
So that means that he's aware of himself

562
00:40:13.420 --> 00:40:15.640
and he wants to improve himself.

563
00:40:15.760 --> 00:40:19.120
And so that does speak something about him as an individual

564
00:40:19.120 --> 00:40:22.300
that he will get the resources he needs

565
00:40:22.300 --> 00:40:23.920
to help himself grow.

566
00:40:24.300 --> 00:40:26.640
And I think that's something that's worth noting.

567
00:40:26.640 --> 00:40:27.300
You know?

568
00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:31.160
Yeah, and he said he's reading a book right now

569
00:40:31.160 --> 00:40:33.760
about women and understanding and how like,

570
00:40:33.760 --> 00:40:35.640
if we have a fight that, you know,

571
00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:37.620
the woman wants you to come after her

572
00:40:37.620 --> 00:40:38.920
if she storms out the room.

573
00:40:39.380 --> 00:40:41.480
So he's like trying to learn, which is good.

574
00:40:42.600 --> 00:40:42.980
Yeah.

575
00:40:43.500 --> 00:40:44.860
So, okay.

576
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:46.180
Yeah, I think those were,

577
00:40:46.340 --> 00:40:48.160
I think that answers my questions.

578
00:40:48.880 --> 00:40:49.560
Well, good.

579
00:40:49.920 --> 00:40:50.360
Thank you.

580
00:40:50.900 --> 00:40:51.760
You're welcome.

581
00:40:52.900 --> 00:40:53.640
Hey, Kim.

582
00:40:58.280 --> 00:40:58.760
Hello?

583
00:41:00.240 --> 00:41:02.060
Hey, I'm sorry, not Kim.

584
00:41:02.460 --> 00:41:02.780
Wait, Kim.

585
00:41:03.040 --> 00:41:03.300
I'm sorry.

586
00:41:03.300 --> 00:41:04.000
Oh, we're going the other way.

587
00:41:04.000 --> 00:41:04.400
That's all right.

588
00:41:04.500 --> 00:41:05.380
I skipped Heather.

589
00:41:05.880 --> 00:41:06.540
Heather, I'm sorry.

590
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:07.380
That's all right.

591
00:41:07.440 --> 00:41:08.400
I'm good with that.

592
00:41:08.520 --> 00:41:09.880
I'm coming right back, Kim.

593
00:41:09.900 --> 00:41:10.800
I'm coming right back.

594
00:41:11.500 --> 00:41:11.760
Heather.

595
00:41:12.640 --> 00:41:13.120
Hi.

596
00:41:13.580 --> 00:41:13.960
Hey.

597
00:41:16.120 --> 00:41:18.100
So I don't typically share.

598
00:41:18.100 --> 00:41:19.160
I appreciate everything.

599
00:41:19.260 --> 00:41:21.180
Guys, thank you so much for what you've been sharing.

600
00:41:21.300 --> 00:41:22.940
I've just been listening in for weeks

601
00:41:22.940 --> 00:41:25.740
and really appreciate hearing all of the advice.

602
00:41:25.740 --> 00:41:27.880
So just been a sponge and absorbing it,

603
00:41:28.680 --> 00:41:31.980
but kind of my like little journey

604
00:41:31.980 --> 00:41:35.540
and praises and I guess confession in this as well

605
00:41:35.540 --> 00:41:38.260
is that I've been,

606
00:41:40.400 --> 00:41:42.160
God has been talking to me through the process,

607
00:41:42.200 --> 00:41:43.980
which I've been really appreciating.

608
00:41:45.260 --> 00:41:47.660
And there's been little things,

609
00:41:47.800 --> 00:41:51.720
whether it's been a change in position at work.

610
00:41:51.780 --> 00:41:52.940
So I have more free time.

611
00:41:52.940 --> 00:41:56.760
So it's allowed me to get out of kind of a toxic situation

612
00:41:57.900 --> 00:42:00.600
with a coworker and working through forgiveness

613
00:42:00.600 --> 00:42:02.780
for a couple of those coworkers

614
00:42:02.780 --> 00:42:04.980
and like losing my voice and finding that again.

615
00:42:05.080 --> 00:42:07.480
And so like all of that's been great and helpful.

616
00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:09.340
And I have a game night that,

617
00:42:09.520 --> 00:42:10.920
sorry, I've got a cat on me.

618
00:42:11.000 --> 00:42:14.980
And I've got a game night that it has two married couples

619
00:42:15.760 --> 00:42:18.140
and one single man that's in that group.

620
00:42:18.820 --> 00:42:22.860
And just seeing those three be servant leaders

621
00:42:22.860 --> 00:42:24.460
and like loving sacrificially

622
00:42:24.560 --> 00:42:27.780
has been one of those like sweet redeeming moments

623
00:42:27.780 --> 00:42:30.400
that I was just like, God, like that's really great.

624
00:42:30.500 --> 00:42:32.180
Thank you for showing me that.

625
00:42:33.080 --> 00:42:34.780
Or even just some other things of like,

626
00:42:34.900 --> 00:42:35.720
do I really want to like,

627
00:42:35.760 --> 00:42:37.720
I've wanted to be a wife and a mom for so long,

628
00:42:37.780 --> 00:42:39.120
but it hasn't happened.

629
00:42:39.880 --> 00:42:41.640
And is this something that I really want

630
00:42:41.640 --> 00:42:43.400
or is it just something that I'm supposed to want?

631
00:42:43.400 --> 00:42:45.700
And I've just kind of been like thinking about it.

632
00:42:46.280 --> 00:42:48.680
And I sat in that for a weekend

633
00:42:48.680 --> 00:42:50.560
and it's very hard for me to like sit still

634
00:42:50.560 --> 00:42:51.360
and not do anything.

635
00:42:53.340 --> 00:42:56.320
And I woke up, I prayed about that all weekend

636
00:42:56.320 --> 00:42:57.500
and I woke up Monday morning

637
00:42:58.320 --> 00:43:01.140
and my second thought in the morning past, thank you,

638
00:43:01.820 --> 00:43:05.380
was, hey, you wanted to hike on the Appalachian Trail

639
00:43:05.640 --> 00:43:06.720
for 20 years.

640
00:43:06.760 --> 00:43:08.060
Like I wanted to do the whole thing.

641
00:43:08.600 --> 00:43:10.380
We're sticking with sections at this point,

642
00:43:10.460 --> 00:43:11.740
but the whole thing.

643
00:43:11.800 --> 00:43:13.460
And I finally got to do that this year.

644
00:43:13.520 --> 00:43:14.880
It was just like four days.

645
00:43:15.120 --> 00:43:16.360
I know, so great.

646
00:43:16.460 --> 00:43:18.840
And by the time I got off the trail,

647
00:43:18.900 --> 00:43:21.440
I was like, okay, how can I do this for like two weeks

648
00:43:22.040 --> 00:43:24.200
and even go even longer and everything else.

649
00:43:24.320 --> 00:43:26.920
And it's like, yeah, I've wanted to do this for so long.

650
00:43:27.500 --> 00:43:30.340
The trip itself wasn't, any part of it was like,

651
00:43:30.340 --> 00:43:30.980
none of it was ideal.

652
00:43:31.460 --> 00:43:33.660
It rained, like we just,

653
00:43:33.860 --> 00:43:34.960
we didn't hit where we were trying to go.

654
00:43:35.040 --> 00:43:37.900
Like it was a mess and it was such a learning opportunity.

655
00:43:38.040 --> 00:43:40.160
And again, by day three, we're like,

656
00:43:40.280 --> 00:43:42.120
let's try to go for two weeks next year.

657
00:43:43.060 --> 00:43:45.100
And it's like, yeah, that was again,

658
00:43:45.120 --> 00:43:46.260
one of those like big dreams.

659
00:43:46.840 --> 00:43:50.380
And so it was being married and being a mom and all of that.

660
00:43:50.380 --> 00:43:53.680
And so there's just been like really sweet moments

661
00:43:53.700 --> 00:43:58.340
along the way that he's been talking to me

662
00:43:58.340 --> 00:44:01.280
through some things and even looking at buying a house.

663
00:44:01.360 --> 00:44:02.940
I thought about buying a house here recently

664
00:44:02.940 --> 00:44:05.180
and this looked like Snow White's before pictures.

665
00:44:05.320 --> 00:44:07.820
I mean, it was a dilapidated little cottage

666
00:44:07.820 --> 00:44:09.480
with like roots growing into,

667
00:44:09.620 --> 00:44:11.580
like vines growing into the house and water damage.

668
00:44:11.580 --> 00:44:13.540
And I'm like, I can fix this.

669
00:44:14.060 --> 00:44:16.420
And I realized just how isolating

670
00:44:16.420 --> 00:44:18.460
and how much of a distraction that was gonna be.

671
00:44:18.460 --> 00:44:20.440
And they're like, he talked to me

672
00:44:20.440 --> 00:44:22.380
through the lesson I was teaching in Sunday school

673
00:44:23.160 --> 00:44:26.440
and a note card that a friend gave me like shortly after.

674
00:44:26.740 --> 00:44:28.240
And I was just like, again, God, thank you

675
00:44:28.400 --> 00:44:30.360
for showing me some of these distractions.

676
00:44:30.580 --> 00:44:32.140
So he is talking.

677
00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:36.420
However, I just realized why October 16th

678
00:44:36.420 --> 00:44:37.640
sounds so familiar to me.

679
00:44:38.160 --> 00:44:40.620
And it's gonna be 18 years

680
00:44:40.920 --> 00:44:42.680
since I've been in a committed relationship,

681
00:44:42.840 --> 00:44:44.480
since I've had a boyfriend on Thursday.

682
00:44:44.700 --> 00:44:47.180
And I'm like, I'm not okay with my single life

683
00:44:47.180 --> 00:44:48.600
being able to buy lottery tickets.

684
00:44:50.320 --> 00:44:53.200
And so that was just something that has really,

685
00:44:54.020 --> 00:44:55.780
I'm like, that's been too long.

686
00:44:56.340 --> 00:44:58.560
I've been on the apps, but I haven't like,

687
00:44:58.680 --> 00:44:59.980
I'm on it, but I don't get on it.

688
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.880
on it and I've just been like so hesitant and I've been pouting like a toddler because

689
00:45:05.880 --> 00:45:08.300
this wasn't the way I thought it was going to go.

690
00:45:08.360 --> 00:45:13.180
And I know we all say it and, and it's just, I'm like, I don't, I don't like it.

691
00:45:13.700 --> 00:45:19.900
And then the confession is there is a guy who has been in my three of my social groups

692
00:45:19.900 --> 00:45:24.600
for the last three years, three of them, friend of a friend, like two friends of friends is

693
00:45:24.600 --> 00:45:28.660
I tried to like get them to get social and like help us get to know each other a little

694
00:45:28.660 --> 00:45:32.860
better and, and nothing like happened.

695
00:45:33.200 --> 00:45:35.380
And finally he was kind of getting a little flirty.

696
00:45:35.580 --> 00:45:36.440
There's some things there.

697
00:45:36.560 --> 00:45:42.220
And so I, I read Ruth and I Ruth did up and I asked him out and I just said something

698
00:45:42.220 --> 00:45:47.740
to the effect of like, Hey, this has been a minute, but I was like, Hey, I think you're

699
00:45:47.740 --> 00:45:48.320
pretty awesome.

700
00:45:48.420 --> 00:45:51.980
I'd like to get to know or like to be intentional about getting to know you a little bit better.

701
00:45:52.560 --> 00:45:54.380
Would you like to go on a date with me?

702
00:45:55.120 --> 00:45:58.580
And that went from a yes to a coffee to a no.

703
00:46:01.040 --> 00:46:03.220
And, and so it was just like, okay, like, thank you.

704
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:06.220
Cause he was like, I don't, he didn't, I don't want to lead you on.

705
00:46:06.820 --> 00:46:10.080
I don't know if there's anything I've done that is like, need you like kind of think

706
00:46:10.080 --> 00:46:12.180
that way, but I just want to be like really honest with you.

707
00:46:12.180 --> 00:46:13.000
I don't see you that way.

708
00:46:13.000 --> 00:46:17.060
And it just, I don't want to, but then we'd like kept talking and Oh yeah, we're still

709
00:46:17.060 --> 00:46:17.520
in friend groups.

710
00:46:18.080 --> 00:46:23.240
So that would have been like November, probably October, November, two years ago.

711
00:46:24.900 --> 00:46:25.060
Fast.

712
00:46:25.200 --> 00:46:25.780
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

713
00:46:25.780 --> 00:46:27.500
So fast forward, here's the funny part.

714
00:46:27.740 --> 00:46:32.860
Fast forward to may the following year, I changed positions.

715
00:46:33.400 --> 00:46:38.260
One of our mutual friends who didn't really know that we were like, well acquainted, like

716
00:46:38.300 --> 00:46:41.360
acquainted was like, Hey, my wife and I got married later in life.

717
00:46:41.400 --> 00:46:45.500
And we had families when we were single that just like kind of brought us into their homes,

718
00:46:45.500 --> 00:46:48.020
did life with them and, and had game nights.

719
00:46:48.100 --> 00:46:53.420
So my wife and I, every Monday nights, you know, dinner at five 30, we put the kids down

720
00:46:53.420 --> 00:46:54.320
and then game night.

721
00:46:54.360 --> 00:46:57.240
And the only other person that's going to this is that guy.

722
00:46:58.020 --> 00:47:04.560
And so for a year, Ebony, I, and I was like, Oh God, you have such a sense of humor because

723
00:47:04.560 --> 00:47:08.240
I was trying to manufacture this for like over a year.

724
00:47:08.280 --> 00:47:12.740
And then I just like went, well, I shot my shot and balls in his court.

725
00:47:12.740 --> 00:47:15.080
If there's ever a change of heart, it has to be on his end.

726
00:47:15.080 --> 00:47:17.600
So we've been doing that for over a year now.

727
00:47:18.020 --> 00:47:21.300
And there's part of me that is like, there's so many wonderful things.

728
00:47:21.300 --> 00:47:23.300
Like I've, I knew some stuff about it beforehand.

729
00:47:23.320 --> 00:47:27.720
I've been able to do life with him for the last year on this like weekly basis.

730
00:47:27.820 --> 00:47:32.960
And I'm like, just wake up and see me like, what is your like?

731
00:47:33.060 --> 00:47:36.920
And so I've pouted about that too, a little bit where I'm like, I've let it go, but I'm

732
00:47:36.920 --> 00:47:41.140
just a little like grumpy towards that, where I'm like, what is it?

733
00:47:42.800 --> 00:47:49.240
So anyways, that's all of my, I, I know that it really just boils down to suck it up, buttercup

734
00:47:49.240 --> 00:47:49.940
and get out there.

735
00:47:50.380 --> 00:47:53.800
You're going to have to take, you're going to have to get off the bench and take some

736
00:47:53.800 --> 00:47:54.480
practice swings.

737
00:47:55.660 --> 00:48:00.180
But I just, I have felt a drift in, in a lot of things.

738
00:48:00.480 --> 00:48:05.080
I know that the summer is usually a time that in general, just with my work schedule and

739
00:48:05.080 --> 00:48:06.680
everything else, it's a time for recovery.

740
00:48:06.680 --> 00:48:08.880
And I kind of take my foot off the gas with a lot of things.

741
00:48:08.880 --> 00:48:14.060
And even just like, I listen and I tune into all this stuff, but even just like engaging,

742
00:48:15.300 --> 00:48:20.040
having my camera on, sitting still and having my camera on have all been like, I was like,

743
00:48:20.140 --> 00:48:22.880
no, today we're going to make a change today.

744
00:48:22.960 --> 00:48:25.000
So anyways, that's where I am.

745
00:48:25.000 --> 00:48:26.720
Any pearls of wisdom are wonderful.

746
00:48:28.460 --> 00:48:30.040
That was a lot.

747
00:48:32.240 --> 00:48:33.220
Oh, somehow.

748
00:48:33.340 --> 00:48:34.280
Oh, I'm sorry.

749
00:48:34.280 --> 00:48:35.140
I can't hear you.

750
00:48:35.340 --> 00:48:38.280
How did I, I was on mute.

751
00:48:39.000 --> 00:48:40.800
No, you had a backlog.

752
00:48:41.180 --> 00:48:41.960
That's all there was.

753
00:48:42.120 --> 00:48:43.260
You just had to catch us up.

754
00:48:43.440 --> 00:48:44.460
Bring me up to speed.

755
00:48:45.060 --> 00:48:45.940
Oh yes.

756
00:48:46.100 --> 00:48:47.400
Suck it up buttercup.

757
00:48:48.760 --> 00:48:52.860
One thing that I've learned, and I was sharing this with, I think with another coach,

758
00:48:54.700 --> 00:48:58.220
when you don't do nothing, you'd be amazed at how much time flies.

759
00:48:58.640 --> 00:49:02.320
When you start putting your, you can easily put your hand to something else and get busy

760
00:49:02.320 --> 00:49:03.160
doing something else.

761
00:49:03.220 --> 00:49:06.100
And before you know it, the months and the years will roll by you.

762
00:49:07.060 --> 00:49:14.000
And even, you know, what you do in life with this guy in the group, like that could have

763
00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:17.120
been very much a distraction from you doing something else.

764
00:49:17.120 --> 00:49:19.500
Cause it's like, oh, well we're getting to know each other this way.

765
00:49:19.500 --> 00:49:23.620
And maybe some hope that he will come around and just see you.

766
00:49:25.060 --> 00:49:27.640
But listen, I'm going to tell you something.

767
00:49:27.840 --> 00:49:32.720
In the beginning, when God brought the animals before Adam, he named them.

768
00:49:32.720 --> 00:49:36.880
And the Bible says that he still did not find one comparable to him.

769
00:49:37.080 --> 00:49:42.160
And when a man looks at you and he can't name you white, then he is not the one for you.

770
00:49:42.400 --> 00:49:45.180
Just like you get to look at things and name them.

771
00:49:46.020 --> 00:49:47.020
Do you understand?

772
00:49:47.380 --> 00:49:53.100
And so if he doesn't see you as white, then he does not see you as white.

773
00:49:53.180 --> 00:49:55.300
He does not see you as white.

774
00:49:55.460 --> 00:49:57.760
Then buttercup has to move along.

775
00:49:59.420 --> 00:49:59.980
Right?

776
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.260
But we don't want to shake him and be like, see me.

777
00:50:04.520 --> 00:50:06.860
When Adam saw Eve, he said, I know you.

778
00:50:07.680 --> 00:50:10.180
You're bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

779
00:50:10.580 --> 00:50:11.700
You were me.

780
00:50:12.280 --> 00:50:14.780
And so I think that, and I'm not doubling back on that.

781
00:50:14.800 --> 00:50:17.540
I know you're not carrying anything with it.

782
00:50:17.560 --> 00:50:21.740
But I can see how doing it that year, it kind of felt like,

783
00:50:21.740 --> 00:50:23.260
OK, they brought me in.

784
00:50:23.380 --> 00:50:24.600
Now this guy's coming.

785
00:50:24.740 --> 00:50:26.400
And it could seem like something was going.

786
00:50:26.400 --> 00:50:28.420
And I couldn't blame you for feeling like that

787
00:50:28.420 --> 00:50:30.340
or even thinking that, right?

788
00:50:33.520 --> 00:50:36.380
But and I don't know what's going to come up there,

789
00:50:36.380 --> 00:50:37.380
if something or not.

790
00:50:37.400 --> 00:50:39.600
And I know you're not saying that one way or the other.

791
00:50:40.100 --> 00:50:44.320
But I do believe that as you start to date, get out there.

792
00:50:44.960 --> 00:50:47.540
Get things moving in your life.

793
00:50:47.960 --> 00:50:49.420
Get something activated.

794
00:50:49.980 --> 00:50:51.080
Just do it.

795
00:50:51.260 --> 00:50:52.760
Because the longer you don't do it,

796
00:50:52.760 --> 00:50:53.820
it's just the longer you don't do it,

797
00:50:53.820 --> 00:50:55.300
and time just keeps passing you by.

798
00:50:55.300 --> 00:50:57.980
And so I do want to encourage you to do that, Heather.

799
00:50:58.560 --> 00:51:01.820
No matter, just do it to get things moving in your dating

800
00:51:01.900 --> 00:51:02.340
life.

801
00:51:03.200 --> 00:51:03.400
Yeah.

802
00:51:03.580 --> 00:51:05.440
I think it'll be really good for you.

803
00:51:05.460 --> 00:51:07.380
It's going to give you an opportunity

804
00:51:07.380 --> 00:51:11.240
to work out some hesitations, some fears, some concerns.

805
00:51:11.360 --> 00:51:14.420
Things are going to be triggered that you didn't expect when

806
00:51:14.420 --> 00:51:16.680
you haven't dated in 18 years, right?

807
00:51:17.100 --> 00:51:19.620
So think about how much teaching you've

808
00:51:19.620 --> 00:51:21.520
gotten on marriage, what makes a good relationship,

809
00:51:21.560 --> 00:51:23.640
and how you feel like, yeah, I'm ready to go.

810
00:51:23.640 --> 00:51:25.480
But you never tested it on anyone.

811
00:51:26.300 --> 00:51:26.800
Yeah.

812
00:51:26.800 --> 00:51:30.000
Nobody has come close enough to your heart to trigger you.

813
00:51:30.680 --> 00:51:34.620
The thing about dating is a man, a potential person,

814
00:51:34.840 --> 00:51:37.020
triggers you differently than I would trigger you,

815
00:51:37.600 --> 00:51:39.400
than anybody else would trigger you.

816
00:51:39.800 --> 00:51:42.600
Because you like them, and now you

817
00:51:42.600 --> 00:51:44.680
risk rejection or them coming into spaces

818
00:51:44.680 --> 00:51:47.920
that you had warded out, right?

819
00:51:48.280 --> 00:51:50.920
And one pastor said this, and it's so funny.

820
00:51:50.920 --> 00:51:54.560
He said, all the women could look at another woman

821
00:51:54.560 --> 00:51:57.340
and talk about her if she's dating and falls

822
00:51:57.340 --> 00:51:58.400
in sleep with someone because they

823
00:51:58.400 --> 00:52:00.040
don't have the temptation.

824
00:52:00.440 --> 00:52:00.840
Yeah.

825
00:52:00.860 --> 00:52:01.920
They don't have a temptation.

826
00:52:02.260 --> 00:52:03.460
Nothing's testing you.

827
00:52:03.620 --> 00:52:05.980
And so you've not had to exercise any muscles.

828
00:52:06.100 --> 00:52:06.820
That's just an example.

829
00:52:06.920 --> 00:52:09.220
We don't have to exercise when we want to over-talk

830
00:52:09.220 --> 00:52:10.880
or when we want to do this or we want to.

831
00:52:11.180 --> 00:52:13.980
So you start working all of these muscles,

832
00:52:14.120 --> 00:52:15.760
and all this fear starts coming up.

833
00:52:15.900 --> 00:52:16.880
And what if this?

834
00:52:16.900 --> 00:52:17.780
And then what if that?

835
00:52:17.820 --> 00:52:19.440
And so it just opens up a whole new world.

836
00:52:19.440 --> 00:52:20.700
And it's really good for you, Heather,

837
00:52:22.560 --> 00:52:25.500
because I'm excited for you to do that.

838
00:52:26.520 --> 00:52:28.640
Because literally, dating changed me.

839
00:52:28.640 --> 00:52:30.140
This phase changed my life.

840
00:52:30.540 --> 00:52:31.860
It changed me as a woman.

841
00:52:32.940 --> 00:52:35.620
You keep saying that, and I love that because that's

842
00:52:35.620 --> 00:52:36.640
so encouraging to me.

843
00:52:36.640 --> 00:52:39.440
Because really, right now, I'm like, ugh.

844
00:52:40.720 --> 00:52:42.920
It just feels intimidating.

845
00:52:43.020 --> 00:52:44.420
And I know it shouldn't be because you've

846
00:52:44.420 --> 00:52:45.280
said it a million times.

847
00:52:45.320 --> 00:52:47.620
You don't have skin in the game.

848
00:52:48.380 --> 00:52:50.000
So take the practice swings.

849
00:52:50.080 --> 00:52:51.500
Nothing changes if nothing changes.

850
00:52:51.720 --> 00:52:53.200
You have to make moves.

851
00:52:53.840 --> 00:52:57.220
And that's something that, in all of his wonderful wisdom,

852
00:52:58.100 --> 00:53:01.300
it's like, yeah, I'm good at being single.

853
00:53:01.420 --> 00:53:03.040
I've got a pretty nice life.

854
00:53:04.040 --> 00:53:05.980
I don't need one.

855
00:53:06.380 --> 00:53:09.060
I would like a good team captain.

856
00:53:09.500 --> 00:53:10.640
I want to be a mom.

857
00:53:10.700 --> 00:53:12.160
I want to be a wife.

858
00:53:13.300 --> 00:53:15.480
Because right now, I'm very safe.

859
00:53:15.480 --> 00:53:18.500
I'm very safe, but I'm also very stagnant.

860
00:53:19.680 --> 00:53:21.060
And there aren't any risks being taken.

861
00:53:21.660 --> 00:53:26.960
And when I have gotten up, I saw a cute boy as chatty as I am.

862
00:53:27.080 --> 00:53:28.860
I become so quiet.

863
00:53:29.020 --> 00:53:30.160
I don't know if it's because I'm just

864
00:53:30.160 --> 00:53:31.620
like scared I'm going to say something dumb,

865
00:53:31.680 --> 00:53:33.060
so I just don't say anything at all.

866
00:53:33.100 --> 00:53:33.920
Or I run.

867
00:53:34.200 --> 00:53:36.560
So those are the two things that, over the last couple

868
00:53:36.560 --> 00:53:39.260
of years, I've been able to identify and go, oh my gosh.

869
00:53:39.460 --> 00:53:41.180
Fight or flight kicks in, and I fly.

870
00:53:41.980 --> 00:53:43.400
And then when I do stand there, I'm

871
00:53:43.540 --> 00:53:45.780
like, I need something to talk about.

872
00:53:45.920 --> 00:53:48.300
Which, again, I very rarely have that issue.

873
00:53:48.500 --> 00:53:51.940
So again, like you said, it's those muscles

874
00:53:52.340 --> 00:53:55.160
and not wanting to hide.

875
00:53:56.780 --> 00:53:57.740
Oh, yeah.

876
00:53:59.160 --> 00:54:03.280
And this, I've always shared, it was very intimidating for me.

877
00:54:03.400 --> 00:54:06.820
I had Jackie as a coach, and she was just like, do it.

878
00:54:07.180 --> 00:54:09.340
Like, there's like with her, you listen to Jackie.

879
00:54:09.420 --> 00:54:12.060
She's like, well, you need to get out there and do it.

880
00:54:12.060 --> 00:54:15.560
And you were like, OK, OK, can I do it?

881
00:54:15.720 --> 00:54:18.020
And like, she's not cutting no corners with you.

882
00:54:18.020 --> 00:54:18.880
It's just like, do it.

883
00:54:18.880 --> 00:54:21.200
And eventually, one day, the do it hit me.

884
00:54:21.400 --> 00:54:22.020
Like, do it.

885
00:54:22.180 --> 00:54:23.380
I didn't want to put my picture.

886
00:54:24.600 --> 00:54:26.460
Everything y'all have said, I said.

887
00:54:26.780 --> 00:54:29.060
I don't want to put my picture on no dating app

888
00:54:29.060 --> 00:54:30.760
so people could look at me and judge me.

889
00:54:30.840 --> 00:54:33.440
So the truth was, I was insecure about me.

890
00:54:33.980 --> 00:54:36.060
And a lot of times, we don't want to deal with the truth

891
00:54:36.060 --> 00:54:39.200
about us as women, that we're insecure about the way we look.

892
00:54:39.840 --> 00:54:41.120
We're insecure about our size.

893
00:54:41.120 --> 00:54:44.160
So what we say is, well, I don't want anybody judging me.

894
00:54:44.340 --> 00:54:45.880
I don't want somebody looking at my picture.

895
00:54:45.960 --> 00:54:47.140
You don't want to be rejected.

896
00:54:47.320 --> 00:54:48.380
That's what you don't want to be.

897
00:54:48.440 --> 00:54:52.140
And the sooner we are real with ourself about where we are,

898
00:54:52.180 --> 00:54:53.780
we can realize that we're human.

899
00:54:54.660 --> 00:54:56.160
This is a human thing.

900
00:54:56.320 --> 00:54:58.080
It's not just a you thing.

901
00:54:58.100 --> 00:54:58.840
It's a human thing.

902
00:54:58.860 --> 00:54:59.980
And so I had to get past all that.

903
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.000
all of those things, right?

904
00:55:02.100 --> 00:55:06.080
And then it's like, oh, and then here comes all the weirdos

905
00:55:06.080 --> 00:55:07.700
and bozos and you think to yourself,

906
00:55:07.840 --> 00:55:09.780
why do you even think I would talk to you?

907
00:55:09.980 --> 00:55:11.340
So I took it personal.

908
00:55:11.540 --> 00:55:12.300
I took it personal.

909
00:55:12.560 --> 00:55:14.360
Oh, would you be able to say, hey, beautiful?

910
00:55:14.400 --> 00:55:18.380
I'm like, oh no, he didn't speak to me that way.

911
00:55:18.460 --> 00:55:21.980
When I find out that if a man thinks a woman is beautiful,

912
00:55:21.980 --> 00:55:25.060
he's gonna call her beautiful, but we get so offended.

913
00:55:25.920 --> 00:55:28.420
Yeah, oh, he wants my number way too fast.

914
00:55:28.440 --> 00:55:29.740
I do not know him.

915
00:55:29.740 --> 00:55:30.940
I feel unsafe.

916
00:55:31.200 --> 00:55:33.820
Like, no, I'm just gonna bless and block him.

917
00:55:33.980 --> 00:55:36.780
Like I went through everything, I've heard it all.

918
00:55:36.980 --> 00:55:38.560
I've heard it with God.

919
00:55:38.560 --> 00:55:40.820
I believe God this and I believe God that.

920
00:55:40.900 --> 00:55:44.040
Like everything, the book against the order of,

921
00:55:44.160 --> 00:55:45.380
it's like, I've said it all.

922
00:55:45.520 --> 00:55:47.540
So Heather, what I'm saying, it is intimidating

923
00:55:47.720 --> 00:55:49.900
and it is scary and then for some people,

924
00:55:49.900 --> 00:55:51.620
it may be easier to do some things,

925
00:55:51.740 --> 00:55:54.320
but for the same people that some things are easier to do,

926
00:55:54.440 --> 00:55:56.140
there are other parts that we do easier

927
00:55:56.140 --> 00:55:57.300
and it's hard for them.

928
00:56:00.140 --> 00:56:02.880
And so I really like, I also wanna say this.

929
00:56:03.020 --> 00:56:05.380
I really like the way you did a couple of years ago

930
00:56:05.380 --> 00:56:07.080
when you say you just went up to him and was like,

931
00:56:07.240 --> 00:56:09.420
hey, do you wanna da, da, da, da, da, da, da?

932
00:56:09.420 --> 00:56:11.500
I think you should carry this with you

933
00:56:11.540 --> 00:56:12.820
on your dating journey.

934
00:56:13.000 --> 00:56:15.320
In a week, you need to be meeting up for coffee.

935
00:56:15.640 --> 00:56:18.040
Don't be texting somebody for a very long time.

936
00:56:18.860 --> 00:56:23.120
Use that same little that you got in you there to go.

937
00:56:23.160 --> 00:56:25.320
If you're gonna be on there, say, I'm going for the dates.

938
00:56:26.240 --> 00:56:26.420
Okay.

939
00:56:28.440 --> 00:56:29.000
Yay.

940
00:56:32.100 --> 00:56:35.460
You need to post when you get your first date

941
00:56:35.460 --> 00:56:37.700
because it won't be long before you get one.

942
00:56:38.080 --> 00:56:39.480
Okay, I appreciate the encouragement.

943
00:56:39.760 --> 00:56:40.580
And ladies, I see the chat.

944
00:56:40.800 --> 00:56:41.660
Thank you guys so much.

945
00:56:42.160 --> 00:56:43.200
I hate it.

946
00:56:45.580 --> 00:56:49.880
Kim, tell us girl, tell us all about it.

947
00:56:50.180 --> 00:56:53.360
Well, okay, so I didn't get to talk today at 12

948
00:56:53.360 --> 00:56:54.880
and so I did post.

949
00:56:54.880 --> 00:56:56.520
I just saw that Carla responded,

950
00:56:56.640 --> 00:56:57.460
but she told me, she goes,

951
00:56:57.960 --> 00:57:00.100
see if you can talk to Ebony about this.

952
00:57:00.660 --> 00:57:02.000
But okay, so, all right,

953
00:57:02.000 --> 00:57:04.700
I had the seventh date with the older guy.

954
00:57:06.000 --> 00:57:08.100
And I mean, so far everything's been great,

955
00:57:08.160 --> 00:57:11.080
but I guess we came back after dinner to my house

956
00:57:11.080 --> 00:57:12.840
and we watched a little bit of television

957
00:57:13.740 --> 00:57:16.040
and he kind of put his arm around me

958
00:57:16.740 --> 00:57:18.860
and this is the first time I've noticed this

959
00:57:18.940 --> 00:57:20.420
and it's kind of weird to say,

960
00:57:20.700 --> 00:57:22.580
but I feel like I'm being judgmental,

961
00:57:22.580 --> 00:57:24.940
but I just got a whiff of body odor

962
00:57:26.560 --> 00:57:30.680
and I was like, oh no, oh no.

963
00:57:30.780 --> 00:57:34.760
So then, so now that's been in my head

964
00:57:34.760 --> 00:57:36.560
and I'm like, okay, I need to give him grace,

965
00:57:36.700 --> 00:57:38.480
but at the same time I'm like,

966
00:57:38.960 --> 00:57:39.460
and then I don't know,

967
00:57:39.560 --> 00:57:42.640
I had a friend say, oh no, and this is so mean.

968
00:57:42.740 --> 00:57:44.700
She goes, not old man smell.

969
00:57:44.780 --> 00:57:48.960
And I go, no, don't say that, don't say that.

970
00:57:48.960 --> 00:57:51.240
Cause like there's such a thing as old lady smell too,

971
00:57:51.240 --> 00:57:53.960
but I just don't, you know, it's like, no,

972
00:57:54.940 --> 00:57:57.240
but you know, but smells and stuff.

973
00:57:57.340 --> 00:57:59.740
Like I noticed when we went to dinner,

974
00:57:59.800 --> 00:58:02.160
I didn't smell it and he smelled good.

975
00:58:02.160 --> 00:58:03.440
But then when we got back,

976
00:58:03.520 --> 00:58:05.300
I don't know if he's sweating cause he's nervous

977
00:58:05.300 --> 00:58:07.080
or I don't know what's going on,

978
00:58:07.480 --> 00:58:09.680
but anyway, so that was that.

979
00:58:10.040 --> 00:58:13.460
But my other thing is, so I don't know,

980
00:58:14.080 --> 00:58:16.120
there was really nobody coming on the dating apps

981
00:58:16.120 --> 00:58:17.460
that I was really that interested in.

982
00:58:17.460 --> 00:58:19.180
So I was just kind of focusing in

983
00:58:19.180 --> 00:58:20.240
because he's so good

984
00:58:20.240 --> 00:58:22.500
and has so many of the fruits of the spirit,

985
00:58:23.760 --> 00:58:25.660
but, and I didn't talk to him that night

986
00:58:25.660 --> 00:58:26.560
about going to my church,

987
00:58:26.560 --> 00:58:28.480
but I did ask him if we could pray

988
00:58:28.480 --> 00:58:30.040
when we ate on his patio

989
00:58:30.100 --> 00:58:32.100
and we prayed together before the meal

990
00:58:32.100 --> 00:58:35.060
and he did with me, which was exciting,

991
00:58:35.060 --> 00:58:36.700
but I didn't go to the next step.

992
00:58:36.860 --> 00:58:38.320
And I think I'm holding back

993
00:58:38.320 --> 00:58:39.340
cause I'm a little bit like,

994
00:58:39.340 --> 00:58:40.820
if I invite him to my church,

995
00:58:40.820 --> 00:58:42.540
it's really kind of getting serious.

996
00:58:43.240 --> 00:58:45.380
So, but then I do want to know,

997
00:58:45.940 --> 00:58:48.340
I need to know, cause like I said, he's Catholic

998
00:58:48.340 --> 00:58:51.400
and I just don't know where he is with,

999
00:58:53.840 --> 00:58:56.000
he doesn't like, he doesn't go to church

1000
00:58:56.000 --> 00:58:57.240
cause he doesn't like mass,

1001
00:58:57.260 --> 00:58:58.940
he doesn't get anything out of it.

1002
00:58:59.040 --> 00:59:00.400
And he told me his granddaughter

1003
00:59:00.400 --> 00:59:02.300
goes to a non-denominational church

1004
00:59:02.380 --> 00:59:03.980
and she's loving it.

1005
00:59:04.820 --> 00:59:08.220
So I don't, I just don't know like where he is

1006
00:59:08.220 --> 00:59:09.840
and that's what I get worried about.

1007
00:59:09.880 --> 00:59:12.200
Like you said, I mean, I do kind of had pictured

1008
00:59:12.200 --> 00:59:13.240
if I have a husband,

1009
00:59:13.300 --> 00:59:14.600
he's going to be the spiritual leader

1010
00:59:14.720 --> 00:59:16.420
of the family type of thing.

1011
00:59:16.420 --> 00:59:19.700
And, you know, and now I'm like,

1012
00:59:19.940 --> 00:59:22.400
am I going to be the one leading him in that direction?

1013
00:59:22.920 --> 00:59:24.100
Like, I don't know.

1014
00:59:24.620 --> 00:59:26.880
So I've got, so now I've got questions.

1015
00:59:26.880 --> 00:59:28.000
Now I'm starting to doubt.

1016
00:59:28.180 --> 00:59:29.280
Now I'm starting to wonder.

1017
00:59:31.000 --> 00:59:33.840
And I haven't gotten a no from the Lord.

1018
00:59:34.260 --> 00:59:36.580
So, you know, it's a yes until it's a no.

1019
00:59:36.980 --> 00:59:38.240
So he's asked me to go,

1020
00:59:38.420 --> 00:59:41.000
he made a plan for us to do something on Thursday.

1021
00:59:44.280 --> 00:59:45.760
And I don't know, like,

1022
00:59:45.760 --> 00:59:49.480
there was a 63 year old guy on the app

1023
00:59:50.180 --> 00:59:51.760
that he kind of fell off.

1024
00:59:51.960 --> 00:59:54.560
Well, he's back and now he wants to meet me.

1025
00:59:54.700 --> 00:59:56.900
And now I'm like, but now I feel like I'm,

1026
00:59:57.380 --> 00:59:57.920
I feel guilty.

1027
00:59:58.000 --> 00:59:59.980
Cause like, it's hard to date more.

1028
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.560
one person. I don't know, I've always found it hard. But then

1029
01:00:02.560 --> 01:00:06.240
again, it hurt me in the past, because I've tend to settle, I

1030
01:00:06.240 --> 01:00:09.460
get into something. And then I just settle. And I don't want to

1031
01:00:09.460 --> 01:00:12.720
do that either. So I don't know. So now I don't know. And I

1032
01:00:12.720 --> 01:00:16.160
don't know if I should be back there on the dating apps

1033
01:00:16.360 --> 01:00:20.740
looking. I just don't know what to do. I just feel like I'm at a

1034
01:00:20.740 --> 01:00:22.880
place, right? Because I don't want to keep this going. I don't

1035
01:00:22.880 --> 01:00:26.820
want to hurt him in any way. He's a great guy. Yeah. And I do

1036
01:00:26.820 --> 01:00:29.980
still like him, though. I don't I just don't know what to do. I

1037
01:00:29.980 --> 01:00:33.900
Okay, yeah, I'd be happy to help you with it. And so what you

1038
01:00:33.900 --> 01:00:36.940
want to do is have conversations, you want to talk

1039
01:00:36.940 --> 01:00:39.540
to him about what does he believe spiritually, and you

1040
01:00:39.540 --> 01:00:42.980
want to share what's important to you in that way. You also

1041
01:00:42.980 --> 01:00:47.720
want to share with him, um, the concerns you have that, hey,

1042
01:00:47.720 --> 01:00:51.160
we've been on seven dates. I am seven, right? Y'all have been

1043
01:00:51.160 --> 01:00:55.280
dating a pretty good here. Y'all haven't made anything exclusive.

1044
01:00:55.800 --> 01:01:00.220
Um, but that's because he hasn't asked yet. And you're not going

1045
01:01:00.220 --> 01:01:03.500
to just slide into it. So when you say all I want to date

1046
01:01:03.500 --> 01:01:06.440
anybody, you know, I don't want to hurt him. It's as if you're

1047
01:01:06.440 --> 01:01:09.220
committed to him. And he's never asked you to be in the exclusive

1048
01:01:09.440 --> 01:01:12.980
relationship with him. I mean, he he's not dating anyone else

1049
01:01:12.980 --> 01:01:16.940
that he got off the dating app. So I but he's but he we haven't

1050
01:01:16.940 --> 01:01:21.140
talked to exclusivity. And you're gonna have to be asked to go

1051
01:01:21.160 --> 01:01:25.060
exclusive. That's how it works. Okay. Okay. That's just the way

1052
01:01:25.060 --> 01:01:28.200
it is. You get you asked for commitment. You don't just get

1053
01:01:28.860 --> 01:01:32.780
commitment. Right. And so, um, what I'm saying is like real

1054
01:01:33.140 --> 01:01:36.800
conversations, like, where are you spiritually? So you don't

1055
01:01:36.800 --> 01:01:41.820
have to let me clear this up. So when we say, am I gonna have to

1056
01:01:41.820 --> 01:01:49.300
be the one to lead spiritually? You don't have to be what you

1057
01:01:49.300 --> 01:01:55.460
want is a righteous man. Right? You're not his you don't want to

1058
01:01:55.500 --> 01:02:02.380
be his pastor. So he you don't, I think sometimes we believe my

1059
01:02:02.380 --> 01:02:05.480
husband has to be this so he can teach me the word. So he can

1060
01:02:05.480 --> 01:02:08.600
teach me this, but you may not be saying that. But he doesn't

1061
01:02:08.600 --> 01:02:12.220
have to teach you to lead spiritually. But he does have to

1062
01:02:12.220 --> 01:02:15.640
be in relationship with Christ. You would like him to know how

1063
01:02:15.640 --> 01:02:18.660
to pray. If you want your deathbed, you do want a husband

1064
01:02:18.660 --> 01:02:22.160
that can go to the father and believe on your behalf to get

1065
01:02:22.160 --> 01:02:25.640
you well and whole, like those are some solid things that you

1066
01:02:25.480 --> 01:02:29.700
want. Right? So like he has to be a man of God. He has to be

1067
01:02:29.700 --> 01:02:32.380
righteous. That's a foundational. That's a non

1068
01:02:32.420 --> 01:02:36.400
negotiable. So your conversation is based on that you, you don't,

1069
01:02:36.600 --> 01:02:39.180
I don't want you to say, well, I'm going to have to be the one

1070
01:02:39.180 --> 01:02:42.860
to lead. That doesn't mean that you're leading because he's not

1071
01:02:42.860 --> 01:02:45.940
where you are spiritually, because if he's committed to

1072
01:02:46.000 --> 01:02:48.320
righteousness, you all are going to sit under a leader.

1073
01:02:48.460 --> 01:02:51.840
That's going to help you both grow in the things of God.

1074
01:02:51.840 --> 01:02:54.680
They're going to be main groups that he's going to be a part of

1075
01:02:55.080 --> 01:02:57.640
possibly they're going to be things going on functioning

1076
01:02:57.640 --> 01:03:01.200
within the body of Christ that you're a part of that helps you

1077
01:03:01.200 --> 01:03:05.740
both to grow and put you both in your proper lane. And so the

1078
01:03:05.740 --> 01:03:10.260
question then becomes, does he understand the order of man in

1079
01:03:10.260 --> 01:03:13.900
kingdom that this is the order of things, right? And so I just

1080
01:03:13.900 --> 01:03:16.400
want to make it clear about spirit. You still don't ever

1081
01:03:16.400 --> 01:03:20.280
have to be the spiritual leader. You can be stronger in things

1082
01:03:20.280 --> 01:03:23.220
that he is, but it doesn't mean that that man won't carry some

1083
01:03:23.600 --> 01:03:27.080
balance. We just don't know what that is. And so I'm saying

1084
01:03:27.080 --> 01:03:31.360
that there's one side, then I want to say this, you just have

1085
01:03:31.360 --> 01:03:33.880
to have a conversation with him. If he can come to your house

1086
01:03:33.880 --> 01:03:36.880
and put his arm around you and have a slightly put his arm

1087
01:03:36.880 --> 01:03:39.340
around you and watch something in your home with you, then you

1088
01:03:39.340 --> 01:03:41.640
can have a spiritual conversation with him at this

1089
01:03:41.640 --> 01:03:45.440
point. Because y'all are seven days in and y'all are really far

1090
01:03:45.440 --> 01:03:48.400
in and some of the things that you feel, some of the guilt that

1091
01:03:48.400 --> 01:03:50.780
you may be experiencing because you know, he's investing his

1092
01:03:50.780 --> 01:03:55.060
time. You know that he likes you and you honor him as a person.

1093
01:03:55.360 --> 01:03:58.360
You appreciate him. That's who you are. That's your heart Kim

1094
01:03:58.360 --> 01:04:03.800
and that is a natural response to goodness, right? And so that

1095
01:04:03.800 --> 01:04:05.940
means that you have a conversation with him because

1096
01:04:05.940 --> 01:04:09.480
you do honor him because you do respect him. And then you ask

1097
01:04:09.480 --> 01:04:12.880
where is his faith? What does he believe in? And you can tell

1098
01:04:12.880 --> 01:04:16.180
him the desires you have for your life. You can share with

1099
01:04:16.180 --> 01:04:21.880
him like that. Hey, I'm enjoying getting to know you, but I am

1100
01:04:21.880 --> 01:04:24.440
struggling with the age difference. I don't know what

1101
01:04:24.440 --> 01:04:28.420
that would look like because this is the desire that I had

1102
01:04:28.420 --> 01:04:32.200
and I'm nervous about that. You can't do anything about, I'm

1103
01:04:32.200 --> 01:04:34.940
just going to give him a name. Like John, you can't do anything

1104
01:04:35.080 --> 01:04:39.340
about this, but I want you to know where I am because we are

1105
01:04:39.340 --> 01:04:41.780
getting to know each other and I'm enjoying getting to know

1106
01:04:41.780 --> 01:04:47.400
you and I know that you're investing in me. Right, that

1107
01:04:47.400 --> 01:04:49.760
was what honorable conversations look like, especially

1108
01:04:49.760 --> 01:04:53.620
at this point. And then you know, you want the man to lead

1109
01:04:53.620 --> 01:04:56.620
an exclusive conversation, but you can say, I don't know where

1110
01:04:56.620 --> 01:04:59.620
this is going, but I don't want us to go here without

1111
01:04:59.620 --> 01:04:59.980
understanding.

1112
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.700
this. That's that's good. Okay. Mm-hmm. And so then like so the other guy has come back

1113
01:05:07.700 --> 01:05:12.140
you may feel a look now. He's not on dating apps. That's his style. That's how he prefers

1114
01:05:12.140 --> 01:05:17.240
to do it. This he's an older man. He's seen the woman that he wants in a man's mind. I

1115
01:05:17.240 --> 01:05:24.160
found the woman I want. They're not like women in that way. If a man wants you that's one

1116
01:05:24.160 --> 01:05:29.560
thing. This is the truth. You're gonna know it. You're gonna know what a man wants you.

1117
01:05:29.560 --> 01:05:34.500
You ain't gonna be confused about it because he's gonna show up like he wants you and he's

1118
01:05:34.500 --> 01:05:42.240
gonna put his attention and focus on you. And he knows that he could lose. Men are built

1119
01:05:42.240 --> 01:05:49.160
to carry stuff like this. They're built to go and get the woman they want. A woman is

1120
01:05:49.160 --> 01:05:54.160
built to reciprocate. That's her feminine order. When a man pours into her she pours

1121
01:05:54.160 --> 01:05:58.860
something back out of her out of herself to him. If he pours in anger and wrath she's

1122
01:05:58.860 --> 01:06:03.700
gonna give it back to him. He give that woman hell she gonna give it back to him double.

1123
01:06:04.820 --> 01:06:10.960
But he sows goodness and love and kindness in her unless she's just jacked up. She reciprocates

1124
01:06:10.960 --> 01:06:18.940
that back. She produces that back out to him. And so he's doing what a man does Ken. Right?

1125
01:06:20.060 --> 01:06:23.720
You could always you could say when you have a talk with him make a list of the things

1126
01:06:23.720 --> 01:06:29.140
you want to discuss. Say I know that you're not on dating apps but it doesn't make me

1127
01:06:29.140 --> 01:06:32.920
closed after seeing other people. If you want to say that you don't have to say that but

1128
01:06:32.920 --> 01:06:36.680
if it makes you feel better you can say well I'm not seeing anybody right now. You can

1129
01:06:36.680 --> 01:06:40.740
go through all of this deal if you want or you don't have to do it at all. This guy that's

1130
01:06:40.740 --> 01:06:44.420
came in the picture if you want to get to know him go out on a date with him I don't

1131
01:06:44.420 --> 01:06:49.480
think it'll cost you much to go out on a date with him. Just to see. Have another date.

1132
01:06:49.480 --> 01:06:55.260
You can have options. Another thing that I want to add is you know you can a man can

1133
01:06:55.260 --> 01:07:00.140
take a bath. He can clean his teeth and you can get him some nice clothes.

1134
01:07:01.760 --> 01:07:05.880
He dresses really nice and he's I've never had it before in the seven days. This is the

1135
01:07:05.880 --> 01:07:10.880
only time. Yeah. And I you know maybe it was just a one time thing. Maybe he forgot to

1136
01:07:10.880 --> 01:07:17.680
put deodorant on that night. I don't know. But maybe you should have told him. I think

1137
01:07:17.680 --> 01:07:23.040
I like to normalize stuff. But I'm just saying it to the ladies too. Like there's some things

1138
01:07:23.040 --> 01:07:28.200
about me if they're worth it. If it's something about them and you notice their breath or

1139
01:07:28.200 --> 01:07:32.640
something you can offer them a mint or gum or if it's persistent you may need to have

1140
01:07:32.640 --> 01:07:36.520
a conversation with. I'm talking about now she's pretty good date scene. Like they've

1141
01:07:36.520 --> 01:07:41.040
been talking for a while. So this is not you know at the beginning. So they've been in

1142
01:07:41.040 --> 01:07:51.460
this for a while. So you know some things can definitely be fixed up for sure. So I

1143
01:07:51.460 --> 01:07:55.580
hope I addressed everything. But I think you will really enjoy having that conversation

1144
01:07:55.580 --> 01:07:59.600
with him. He's an honorable man. He's a good man and you're an honorable woman and a good

1145
01:07:59.600 --> 01:08:05.360
woman. And I just think you would enjoy developing that friendship with him. Like that's what

1146
01:08:07.940 --> 01:08:14.760
I'm going to go in on the next one because we're walking at a botanical garden. So we'll

1147
01:08:14.760 --> 01:08:18.520
just be the two of us. There'll be a good opportunity to talk. So that'll be right.

1148
01:08:18.680 --> 01:08:25.300
You must be speaking in case you get must again. Here I brought deodorant in case you

1149
01:08:25.460 --> 01:08:31.700
forgot yours. I need a refresh to you. I know that you've been forgetting your deodorant

1150
01:08:31.700 --> 01:08:46.979
lately. What's this Old Spice. Old Spice. All right. Thanks Stephanie. Thanks for keeping

1151
01:08:46.979 --> 01:08:58.319
it light too. You're welcome. Okay. We got Vern, Hilda and Joanne and Dee just came in

1152
01:08:58.319 --> 01:09:06.700
the room and guess what we got. Five minutes. It is 18. Now everybody get in their mind

1153
01:09:06.700 --> 01:09:12.979
what they're going to say. Okay. You got it. You take one minute. I take one minute. Let's

1154
01:09:12.979 --> 01:09:18.220
go. Let's try this. Go Vern. Okay. I just wanted to say to God that I was trying to

1155
01:09:18.220 --> 01:09:28.120
get to know he was a joker and he well no he was actually a scammer and he I had met

1156
01:09:28.120 --> 01:09:36.300
him on Christian Cupid and yeah so we talked for about a week but then I had already started

1157
01:09:36.300 --> 01:09:42.340
noticing I noticed some things from the beginning but however one night I was like waking up

1158
01:09:42.340 --> 01:09:47.560
out of my sleep where I was like okay Lord I got it. Okay I know I know I know I know

1159
01:09:47.560 --> 01:09:52.279
let it go. So the very next day I'm speeding it up. I'll leave something out but he would

1160
01:09:52.279 --> 01:09:56.840
always tell me you know about his mom and his daughter because he say his wife had died

1161
01:09:56.840 --> 01:09:59.400
right. But anyway so.

1162
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.240
The last time I talked to him was when I was awake

1163
01:10:03.240 --> 01:10:05.200
and in the middle of the, in the 40 in the morning.

1164
01:10:05.340 --> 01:10:06.400
And I was like, okay, okay, okay.

1165
01:10:06.400 --> 01:10:07.020
I know, I know.

1166
01:10:07.140 --> 01:10:08.680
Let me get rid of, let me get rid of him.

1167
01:10:08.840 --> 01:10:10.480
But I listened to him that day.

1168
01:10:10.560 --> 01:10:12.260
And he was talking, he told me his daughter's birthday

1169
01:10:12.260 --> 01:10:14.920
was gonna be on the 10th of this month.

1170
01:10:15.400 --> 01:10:18.320
And so he was like, you know what, sweetheart?

1171
01:10:18.560 --> 01:10:20.240
What would really be, God, I already told him,

1172
01:10:20.300 --> 01:10:22.760
stop, don't be calling me, no, don't, don't, no.

1173
01:10:22.860 --> 01:10:25.920
But anyway, so he said, my daughter's birthday is coming up

1174
01:10:25.940 --> 01:10:28.860
and it would be really good for you to,

1175
01:10:28.860 --> 01:10:30.560
you and her to get to know each other,

1176
01:10:30.840 --> 01:10:33.120
you know, to get her a gift, right?

1177
01:10:33.440 --> 01:10:36.120
And so right before that, he said he had talked to his mom,

1178
01:10:36.340 --> 01:10:37.600
told his mom about us.

1179
01:10:37.700 --> 01:10:40.820
And I wanna really know if you're really into this.

1180
01:10:41.340 --> 01:10:43.340
And I know I told you to be about December

1181
01:10:43.340 --> 01:10:45.620
when I'm retiring, I'm gonna come to Georgia

1182
01:10:45.620 --> 01:10:46.900
and meet you and all of that

1183
01:10:46.900 --> 01:10:48.920
and for us to get together and all of that.

1184
01:10:48.960 --> 01:10:51.420
But anyway, so when he told me about this gift

1185
01:10:51.440 --> 01:10:54.520
and I was like, so I think that could be nice,

1186
01:10:54.780 --> 01:10:57.540
but what do you, what is it that she have in mind?

1187
01:10:57.540 --> 01:11:04.300
And so he was like, well, she would like a Apple phone,

1188
01:11:05.560 --> 01:11:05.560


1189
01:11:05.580 --> 01:11:08.220
And I'm like, sir, are you talking about an Apple?

1190
01:11:08.240 --> 01:11:14.000
I say, I don't even, I say, I don't even buy my own phone.

1191
01:11:14.140 --> 01:11:16.640
I say, but I don't know a whole lot about Apple phone,

1192
01:11:16.740 --> 01:11:18.640
but what I do know, I was like,

1193
01:11:18.760 --> 01:11:23.180
don't them things cost like $1,700 to $2,000 or whatever?

1194
01:11:23.320 --> 01:11:26.620
And he was like, but that would really let her know

1195
01:11:26.620 --> 01:11:28.600
how much you know that,

1196
01:11:29.020 --> 01:11:31.560
cause you gotta be her new mom and everything

1197
01:11:31.560 --> 01:11:33.120
and you get that for her.

1198
01:11:33.480 --> 01:11:35.140
That would just draw, and I was like,

1199
01:11:35.140 --> 01:11:36.320
let me tell you something, Heidi,

1200
01:11:36.380 --> 01:11:38.600
you got the wrong one on that

1201
01:11:39.180 --> 01:11:41.780
because it is no way I would be buying.

1202
01:11:41.820 --> 01:11:43.120
And I was like, let me ask you a question.

1203
01:11:43.260 --> 01:11:44.760
I said, you sent me a picture,

1204
01:11:44.820 --> 01:11:46.040
some pictures of you and your daughter.

1205
01:11:46.160 --> 01:11:48.920
And I was like, now I saw a phone in her hand.

1206
01:11:49.000 --> 01:11:51.020
He said, oh, she had lost that phone

1207
01:11:51.160 --> 01:11:52.620
and that's why she wanted a new one.

1208
01:11:52.620 --> 01:11:55.100
I was like, oh, no, buddy boy, that is not gonna happen.

1209
01:11:55.220 --> 01:11:56.340
That just will not be happening.

1210
01:11:56.340 --> 01:11:57.780
I would not be giving anybody any,

1211
01:11:57.980 --> 01:11:59.080
I would not be buying a phone.

1212
01:11:59.160 --> 01:12:02.100
But I did notice when I was talking to him real quick

1213
01:12:02.140 --> 01:12:05.420
that in the background, he would always mute.

1214
01:12:05.620 --> 01:12:06.420
And when he come off a mute,

1215
01:12:06.500 --> 01:12:08.040
I can hear this stuff in the background.

1216
01:12:08.100 --> 01:12:10.000
And in my mind, I could hear this,

1217
01:12:10.340 --> 01:12:11.840
but in my mind I'm visualizing,

1218
01:12:12.020 --> 01:12:14.800
he's sitting in this room where, you know,

1219
01:12:14.800 --> 01:12:17.180
just a lot of chatting and talking going on or whatever.

1220
01:12:17.480 --> 01:12:20.040
And I remember seeing something on Facebook one time

1221
01:12:20.040 --> 01:12:21.460
where this guy gave a testimony

1222
01:12:21.460 --> 01:12:24.960
and he was telling about how he used to scam people.

1223
01:12:24.960 --> 01:12:26.180
He was from Africa.

1224
01:12:26.480 --> 01:12:29.660
He used to scam people and all of the things that they do.

1225
01:12:29.820 --> 01:12:32.060
And he said, they will either start asking you

1226
01:12:32.060 --> 01:12:33.560
for money or gifts.

1227
01:12:33.860 --> 01:12:35.140
And he said, they sit in a room

1228
01:12:35.140 --> 01:12:37.680
and all they're doing is talking to people all the time.

1229
01:12:37.840 --> 01:12:40.080
And so he said something, he said,

1230
01:12:40.420 --> 01:12:42.300
and they'll start asking you, he say,

1231
01:12:42.480 --> 01:12:44.200
for all kind of gifts, expenses, gifts.

1232
01:12:44.400 --> 01:12:46.520
And he said, Apple, and he said, Apple phone.

1233
01:12:46.900 --> 01:12:48.740
That's, I already knew already

1234
01:12:48.740 --> 01:12:50.440
that he was doing some things,

1235
01:12:50.480 --> 01:12:51.860
but I just wanted to share that with y'all

1236
01:12:51.860 --> 01:12:54.580
because just because they on a Christian network

1237
01:12:54.580 --> 01:12:56.220
doesn't necessarily mean

1238
01:12:56.220 --> 01:12:57.840
that they're not trying to scam.

1239
01:12:58.660 --> 01:13:00.540
Because, yeah, so I just wanted to share that.

1240
01:13:00.920 --> 01:13:02.940
But, you know, I was always keeping somebody

1241
01:13:02.940 --> 01:13:03.940
that's talking to him.

1242
01:13:03.940 --> 01:13:06.160
I just haven't gotten a real date just yet.

1243
01:13:07.300 --> 01:13:08.300
But I'm very happy about it.

1244
01:13:09.060 --> 01:13:11.300
Somebody said, was it like a call center?

1245
01:13:12.180 --> 01:13:16.780
I can hear like noise in the background, yes.

1246
01:13:17.040 --> 01:13:18.780
Kind of, yeah, I can just hear noise in the background.

1247
01:13:18.860 --> 01:13:21.340
He would always put me on mute

1248
01:13:21.340 --> 01:13:24.260
and then it would always say rerouting

1249
01:13:24.540 --> 01:13:27.400
when he'd come back on or it would hang up or whatever.

1250
01:13:27.580 --> 01:13:28.880
And I asked him one day and I was like,

1251
01:13:28.900 --> 01:13:31.000
why does your phone do that all the time?

1252
01:13:31.480 --> 01:13:34.220
And then, you know, the time that he would be calling me

1253
01:13:34.220 --> 01:13:34.740
and all of that.

1254
01:13:34.900 --> 01:13:36.740
But I put it all together because I was like,

1255
01:13:36.820 --> 01:13:38.120
I don't need to be trying to figure this out.

1256
01:13:38.660 --> 01:13:40.860
Holy Spirit, I know this is not it.

1257
01:13:40.900 --> 01:13:42.840
You ain't even gotta, you don't even have to tell me

1258
01:13:42.840 --> 01:13:44.400
because I was waking up in the middle of the night

1259
01:13:44.400 --> 01:13:46.140
like, oh no, cut that out right now.

1260
01:13:47.000 --> 01:13:50.580
Yeah, so, but anyway, you know, I still,

1261
01:13:50.580 --> 01:13:53.960
I have guys that I'd be still holding conversations with

1262
01:13:54.220 --> 01:13:56.400
and, you know, after that, I'm still getting,

1263
01:13:56.500 --> 01:13:59.240
I mean, I'm still getting messages from people,

1264
01:13:59.240 --> 01:14:01.480
but yeah, I just wanted to share that.

1265
01:14:01.480 --> 01:14:04.020
Yes, he was a joker and he was a scammer

1266
01:14:04.020 --> 01:14:06.360
and I blocked him and everything.

1267
01:14:06.480 --> 01:14:07.880
I just cut it.

1268
01:14:09.420 --> 01:14:10.420
Just cut it out.

1269
01:14:10.420 --> 01:14:11.120
Yeah, that's so good.

1270
01:14:11.340 --> 01:14:11.980
You're right, Marn.

1271
01:14:11.980 --> 01:14:14.520
I wasn't really worried about you getting scammed no way.

1272
01:14:14.780 --> 01:14:16.180
Even if you were, what?

1273
01:14:16.360 --> 01:14:18.460
Look, you ain't getting nobody like that.

1274
01:14:20.140 --> 01:14:24.760
You ain't getting no money like, no way, no way.

1275
01:14:24.780 --> 01:14:26.100
I said, you got the wrong one.

1276
01:14:26.260 --> 01:14:30.220
So I went on and got, okay, thanks.

1277
01:14:30.920 --> 01:14:31.900
Thank you for the update.

1278
01:14:32.080 --> 01:14:33.720
It's so good to hear from you.

1279
01:14:34.340 --> 01:14:35.880
Hilda, where did Hilda go?

1280
01:14:38.240 --> 01:14:39.420
Is she gone?

1281
01:14:40.820 --> 01:14:41.760
I ain't heard from Hilda.

1282
01:14:41.800 --> 01:14:43.880
I'm here, I'm here for you.

1283
01:14:44.560 --> 01:14:45.720
Did you change your mind?

1284
01:14:46.300 --> 01:14:49.180
I'll just, quick question.

1285
01:14:50.500 --> 01:14:54.940
Just what strategies are the ladies

1286
01:14:54.940 --> 01:14:59.980
that are using now for to-

1287
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:09.940
like finding what what what um app are they finding more success in um as far as like men like

1288
01:15:09.940 --> 01:15:16.040
replying and just because i'm using upward and i think i'm using i forgot what the other one was

1289
01:15:16.040 --> 01:15:22.840
just they're both christian sites but there's no there's no momentum there's just like they swipe

1290
01:15:23.400 --> 01:15:32.180
and then there i sent the message and then there's no response and so i'm trying to like

1291
01:15:32.180 --> 01:15:37.900
not spend a whole lot of time every day but i do check in i am but uh i don't know it's just

1292
01:15:37.900 --> 01:15:42.960
it's just i don't know it's getting kind of tedious and i don't know i don't want to waste

1293
01:15:43.340 --> 01:15:48.240
my time in there if there's other ones that are better i know there's other ones but

1294
01:15:48.240 --> 01:15:51.280
just wanted to check with people that are already actually using it

1295
01:15:51.960 --> 01:15:56.880
yeah ladies if you would drop something in the chat now to you uh the one you named

1296
01:15:58.460 --> 01:16:03.520
um they're dropping them in the chat so if you check it out here um the what which one did you

1297
01:16:03.520 --> 01:16:07.620
just name what did you say your night like your message and some something

1298
01:16:08.480 --> 01:16:17.140
upward oh i never do you hear me i never do well with holy i mean not holy crap upward

1299
01:16:18.440 --> 01:16:24.120
i'm always scammers and i'm just telling you my experience it has always been that way i have a

1300
01:16:24.120 --> 01:16:30.720
friend who does so good with upward but it has always been horrible for me don't have many likes

1301
01:16:30.720 --> 01:16:37.040
even if i like somebody they don't ever respond back scammers some you know always want to go to

1302
01:16:37.040 --> 01:16:43.560
whatsapp to talk it's just always scams and always not a lot of looks i just want you to know for me

1303
01:16:43.560 --> 01:16:49.120
it wasn't good it didn't serve me well it never has for years it never has i don't know what's

1304
01:16:49.120 --> 01:16:57.040
up with it okay all right and then i'm just so um we got the chat uh yes upward is rough

1305
01:16:57.040 --> 01:17:04.100
upward is horrible oh it's called meet my age facebook i um i don't know i didn't find anything

1306
01:17:04.100 --> 01:17:11.520
in facebook well try again uh two of my friends met their husbands on upward okay um bumble

1307
01:17:11.520 --> 01:17:21.600
is left christian cafe i haven't tried that i can try that um that's about it then i guess right

1308
01:17:22.500 --> 01:17:27.220
i've heard some ladies say coffee meets bagel or bagel meat coffee or somebody

1309
01:17:27.680 --> 01:17:32.400
um a lot of people try hinge i've not heard a lot of bad things about hinge

1310
01:17:33.160 --> 01:17:37.980
um yeah i have hinge it's kind of been slow too on hinge too just kind of like i'm just like

1311
01:17:37.980 --> 01:17:43.220
i was wondering if there was any like message that you initially sent i've been trying to like

1312
01:17:43.680 --> 01:17:49.960
um you know i'll get a message that will kind of hone in like a response like something that

1313
01:17:49.960 --> 01:17:55.340
would hone in a response and just weed out people you know what i mean weed out the we

1314
01:17:55.340 --> 01:18:00.400
have the ghosters weed out the people that don't want to respond and just like i don't know i'm

1315
01:18:00.400 --> 01:18:04.620
just trying to i'm trying to develop a system for this because it's really mentally draining

1316
01:18:04.620 --> 01:18:10.380
you know i have so many other things in the day that i have to you know do and i'm trying to fit

1317
01:18:10.380 --> 01:18:18.840
this in and it's just a little discouraging and so you know and i'm not i'm not looking for just

1318
01:18:18.840 --> 01:18:25.940
anybody that just gives me you know i want i want you i want i i like that that that guy that

1319
01:18:25.940 --> 01:18:31.020
really like like you said masculine like he's responding he's i just not i don't know it's

1320
01:18:31.260 --> 01:18:39.960
world is like this not where are these guys he's not responding yes i don't know i think i think um

1321
01:18:39.960 --> 01:18:46.260
i think also i agree with some of the ladies put in the chat over here that um it could be state

1322
01:18:46.880 --> 01:18:53.980
too um i'm gonna tell you like i'm hearing yeah i'm in new jersey i'm in like i'm getting a bunch

1323
01:18:53.980 --> 01:18:59.880
of likes i mean i'm getting daily i'm getting complimented on my my pictures complimented on

1324
01:18:59.880 --> 01:19:07.880
my profile but there's yeah but there's just and they're all from all ages and then but they're

1325
01:19:07.900 --> 01:19:14.060
but they're not responding the ones that i do filter out they're very lit and another thing

1326
01:19:14.060 --> 01:19:19.920
i have issues with is when they start like oversharing like i can't even get a word in

1327
01:19:19.920 --> 01:19:24.300
i don't even know how to cut them off they're just talking to themselves and like so i had

1328
01:19:24.300 --> 01:19:30.440
to develop a way to like set some boundaries with them and so yeah just just getting some advice

1329
01:19:30.440 --> 01:19:36.240
some encouragement and hopefully some success on some of some sites that are better um my friend

1330
01:19:36.240 --> 01:19:43.040
got um a friend of mine got married from a bumble um but you know it's really hit or miss but she

1331
01:19:43.040 --> 01:19:50.580
was on it for two years before she found someone yeah so yeah it was a long commitment that's a

1332
01:19:50.580 --> 01:19:56.540
yeah so anyway that's all that i really had to say was that okay thanks all right thank you

1333
01:19:56.720 --> 01:19:59.020
you're welcome joanne

1334
01:20:01.280 --> 01:20:07.400
Tell us, how's the lover boy feeder going?

1335
01:20:08.500 --> 01:20:15.840
Oh man, I have some sad news. I just, I just didn't think I could do it with Tim like,

1336
01:20:16.400 --> 01:20:23.300
um, I felt like it was too much of a gap like our differences. Yeah, I kind of been questioning

1337
01:20:23.300 --> 01:20:32.300
like, I really think in the end it's a choice. Um, I don't know how to talk. It's like, long

1338
01:20:32.300 --> 01:20:39.120
story short, I felt like he was, it would be like, I don't know, like kind of repeating

1339
01:20:39.120 --> 01:20:46.120
my parents marriage where like Tim is such a good acts of service person, but I think

1340
01:20:46.120 --> 01:20:52.940
I'm even now with my mom, like I get really emotional. Like I'm actually a very, oh gosh,

1341
01:20:53.160 --> 01:21:01.380
verbally affirming, physical touch person. And he's just not really. And I think I just

1342
01:21:01.380 --> 01:21:08.140
felt so tired, like telling him like, this is what I like, this is what I, and he was

1343
01:21:08.140 --> 01:21:15.740
willing to do it, but it wasn't natural for him. So I just felt like, I don't know, I

1344
01:21:15.740 --> 01:21:24.520
don't know, this is me too much work or something. Like he's very committed, um, to like, to

1345
01:21:24.520 --> 01:21:30.140
work things out. He's very like devoted, like we're going to work through whatever it just

1346
01:21:30.140 --> 01:21:35.160
takes hard work, but he's just such a logical person. I felt like I couldn't really connect

1347
01:21:35.160 --> 01:21:40.660
with him from my heart. And that's so important. I think it's even more important. And then

1348
01:21:40.660 --> 01:21:45.380
when I was talking to my therapist today, it was like, I realized it just hurts a lot

1349
01:21:45.380 --> 01:21:51.100
because it makes me feel alone because my parents couldn't like meet a lot of my like

1350
01:21:51.120 --> 01:21:56.420
deeper needs. And so when I feel like, oh no, it's happening again with Tim in a way,

1351
01:21:56.420 --> 01:22:00.620
I'm like, I don't know. I don't want it to be a project, you know, where I'm like just

1352
01:22:00.620 --> 01:22:04.500
telling him like, this is what I like, this is what I don't know. So I just said, I think

1353
01:22:04.500 --> 01:22:09.560
we should just be friends. And then spiritually, I didn't know if we were on the same page

1354
01:22:09.860 --> 01:22:14.040
and like, sometimes I kind of, yeah, a little bit, I'm kind of like, did I do the right

1355
01:22:14.040 --> 01:22:20.940
thing? You know, cause I know it could work, but like, I also want to be with someone who's

1356
01:22:20.940 --> 01:22:25.500
like really into Jesus, you know, like, I mean, we, we express our faith differently,

1357
01:22:25.660 --> 01:22:31.640
but I feel like there's a difference between like a hunger for God, like where we could

1358
01:22:31.640 --> 01:22:38.040
just talk about God all the time. And like, I don't know, it just, it was, it was hard.

1359
01:22:38.040 --> 01:22:44.280
And I, then I know some of it has to do with like what I'm going through with my mom. There's

1360
01:22:44.280 --> 01:22:54.620
like a lot of healing and it's just bringing up a lot of like family stuff, but yeah. So

1361
01:22:54.620 --> 01:22:59.960
I just, it's just been like, it's been a healing, really good healing journey, but it just feels

1362
01:22:59.960 --> 01:23:07.900
such, such a mess. Yeah. Sometimes I wonder is, is it okay for me to date in this, this

1363
01:23:07.900 --> 01:23:14.720
where I'm just going through so much with my, with family stuff. I mean, but I did get

1364
01:23:14.720 --> 01:23:22.100
on like a call with a guy on, on, on app and he wants to come, he's going to come out because

1365
01:23:22.100 --> 01:23:27.860
he has work out here from SoCal to the Bay area. So we're supposed to meet up at the

1366
01:23:27.860 --> 01:23:32.040
end of the month. And like, when I talked to him, it's like, I could talk to him about

1367
01:23:32.040 --> 01:23:36.540
God. Like we just mostly all talked about God. It was wonderful. I don't know if we're

1368
01:23:36.540 --> 01:23:43.600
like that compatible in other areas, but yeah. So I just, I don't know. Sometimes I'm

1369
01:23:43.600 --> 01:23:48.880
like, I hope I'm doing the right thing, you know, just by deciding. I don't, I think it's

1370
01:23:48.880 --> 01:23:56.860
just too big of a gap. Yeah. Joey, how long have you been knowing the other gap? Tim,

1371
01:23:57.080 --> 01:24:03.620
the one that I've been going on. It's about a month. So we went on like six dates or something.

1372
01:24:04.360 --> 01:24:20.580
Okay. All right. Well, well, you know, the things that he was lacking, it was going to

1373
01:24:20.580 --> 01:24:26.880
require, it was going to take time for him to grow. I feel like you had spent enough

1374
01:24:26.880 --> 01:24:33.120
time and enough dates to make a decision if you wanted to move forward with him. And so,

1375
01:24:33.820 --> 01:24:37.060
you know, if it had been two weeks, it would have been different, but it's a month and

1376
01:24:37.060 --> 01:24:42.280
y'all have spent a lot, y'all have had a lot of experiences together. And so you were at

1377
01:24:42.280 --> 01:24:48.220
a place that you could make a decision about, is this what I want to move? Do I want to

1378
01:24:48.740 --> 01:24:52.840
continue? I hear you when you say it's like, oh yeah, he says he'll work on it. But what

1379
01:24:52.840 --> 01:24:59.240
you're saying is, I don't want to work on something with you. I don't want to work on

1380
01:24:59.240 --> 01:24:59.540
this.

1381
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.080
It should be a level of foundation that you already have.

1382
01:25:03.560 --> 01:25:05.580
And so we're gonna have, I'm looking at potentially

1383
01:25:05.580 --> 01:25:08.880
having to go in here and lay some foundation and build for it.

1384
01:25:08.880 --> 01:25:10.120
He ain't just working on it.

1385
01:25:10.120 --> 01:25:12.100
You have to build this in him, right?

1386
01:25:12.600 --> 01:25:15.060
And so, like you said, that he's not

1387
01:25:15.060 --> 01:25:19.060
able to connect on certain levels that you desire.

1388
01:25:19.920 --> 01:25:23.260
Because he doesn't have it, he's willing to do it.

1389
01:25:23.380 --> 01:25:26.100
But he is a deficit in that area.

1390
01:25:26.500 --> 01:25:29.200
So that means he didn't even get it.

1391
01:25:29.200 --> 01:25:31.240
There's a deficit there for a reason.

1392
01:25:31.640 --> 01:25:33.440
And so he's gonna have to really work.

1393
01:25:33.520 --> 01:25:35.420
And he may be willing to do it, but you also

1394
01:25:35.420 --> 01:25:38.060
got to go through the process with him while he works on it.

1395
01:25:38.100 --> 01:25:40.760
And y'all are not even in an exclusive relationship.

1396
01:25:42.780 --> 01:25:44.980
And so I understand that.

1397
01:25:45.120 --> 01:25:49.720
And I understand with the relationship with Christ,

1398
01:25:50.800 --> 01:25:52.660
definitely carrying a lot of weight.

1399
01:25:53.760 --> 01:25:57.640
Because you being a believer in love with Christ,

1400
01:25:58.280 --> 01:26:00.780
you make it have a good time and do experiences with him.

1401
01:26:00.780 --> 01:26:03.080
But if you can't sit down and talk about Jesus sometime,

1402
01:26:03.240 --> 01:26:05.160
then what do you really have?

1403
01:26:05.220 --> 01:26:06.520
Because Jesus has your heart.

1404
01:26:06.860 --> 01:26:08.400
Like, that's the core of you.

1405
01:26:08.680 --> 01:26:13.240
That's the whole, Joanne, like that's the core of you.

1406
01:26:14.100 --> 01:26:16.920
And so it's like, I can't share the things that

1407
01:26:17.160 --> 01:26:19.400
are most precious to me with you.

1408
01:26:20.760 --> 01:26:24.120
So what do we really have, right?

1409
01:26:25.100 --> 01:26:27.980
And so I understand that.

1410
01:26:29.240 --> 01:26:32.800
And it may not be a good time for you to date right now.

1411
01:26:34.960 --> 01:26:37.000
You may need to take a break.

1412
01:26:37.260 --> 01:26:40.240
You will find out when you go on this next date how

1413
01:26:40.240 --> 01:26:41.480
you feel about that person.

1414
01:26:41.820 --> 01:26:45.360
Like, if it feels like too draining for you,

1415
01:26:47.380 --> 01:26:50.120
I think that's just something you can test out and see.

1416
01:26:50.420 --> 01:26:52.140
But I don't know how much availability

1417
01:26:52.140 --> 01:26:54.480
you have emotionally right now.

1418
01:26:55.280 --> 01:26:58.040
And so don't take on things that require from you.

1419
01:26:58.360 --> 01:27:00.280
Don't start trying to think through stuff,

1420
01:27:00.640 --> 01:27:01.880
process through things.

1421
01:27:02.540 --> 01:27:06.560
Keep it light and have fun.

1422
01:27:06.680 --> 01:27:08.080
But don't carry on.

1423
01:27:08.180 --> 01:27:10.580
It's just going to frustrate you more

1424
01:27:11.300 --> 01:27:14.200
if you're trying to measure this person out for something

1425
01:27:14.200 --> 01:27:14.780
potentially.

1426
01:27:16.600 --> 01:27:19.380
Like, you need to keep it at a certain surface level.

1427
01:27:20.800 --> 01:27:24.100
Yeah, and that's really hard for me to do.

1428
01:27:24.100 --> 01:27:24.300
I know.

1429
01:27:24.560 --> 01:27:25.360
That's what I know.

1430
01:27:25.500 --> 01:27:26.640
That was just what I was thinking.

1431
01:27:26.800 --> 01:27:27.660
I just didn't say it.

1432
01:27:27.800 --> 01:27:29.880
I was like, I'm going to say this to Joanne.

1433
01:27:30.380 --> 01:27:33.640
I know it ain't going to get far when I say it.

1434
01:27:33.640 --> 01:27:35.620
No, no, I'm not going to say it.

1435
01:27:35.620 --> 01:27:37.400
Keep it light, keep it light, but.

1436
01:27:38.860 --> 01:27:42.840
You operate, this just is challenging for you.

1437
01:27:43.720 --> 01:27:46.760
But I want you to recognize where you are

1438
01:27:46.760 --> 01:27:50.940
and where you have going on and be true to yourself in that.

1439
01:27:51.400 --> 01:27:54.800
So you won't go pick up some guilt for no reason

1440
01:27:54.800 --> 01:27:58.420
or a false sense of guilt. Recognize where you are

1441
01:27:58.420 --> 01:28:00.140
and operate from where you are.

1442
01:28:00.600 --> 01:28:05.820
And if you're able to recognize the season that you're in,

1443
01:28:06.180 --> 01:28:09.220
it's your responsibility to keep things like Joanne.

1444
01:28:10.300 --> 01:28:13.680
This is your responsibility to do that for Joanne.

1445
01:28:18.340 --> 01:28:21.200
It's just it's kind of how that goes.

1446
01:28:21.260 --> 01:28:23.180
You're going to have to be responsible and steward

1447
01:28:23.180 --> 01:28:24.840
your heart very well right now.

1448
01:28:27.140 --> 01:28:29.940
Yeah, so it's really it's like a mess

1449
01:28:29.940 --> 01:28:35.880
because I feel like I am healing from mother, father stuff.

1450
01:28:35.880 --> 01:28:38.300
Like God is healing, like restoring,

1451
01:28:38.300 --> 01:28:39.940
I think, my relationship with my mom,

1452
01:28:39.940 --> 01:28:43.580
which caused a lot of damage, a lot of emotional trauma.

1453
01:28:46.080 --> 01:28:50.840
And because of that, it's like hard for me to be light.

1454
01:28:51.740 --> 01:28:54.780
And then secondly, I'm working on like not performing.

1455
01:28:55.360 --> 01:28:59.080
My job is entertaining, you know, like I am a musician.

1456
01:28:59.320 --> 01:29:02.000
And so like I know how to get people like me

1457
01:29:03.760 --> 01:29:06.460
through making them happy, entertaining them.

1458
01:29:06.500 --> 01:29:08.980
That was my role with my mom to entertain her.

1459
01:29:09.580 --> 01:29:12.280
And so I'm like, OK, so if I keep it light,

1460
01:29:12.280 --> 01:29:13.820
am I just like faking it?

1461
01:29:13.860 --> 01:29:17.540
You know, because it's really easy for people like me.

1462
01:29:17.540 --> 01:29:19.220
But I don't know if I like them.

1463
01:29:19.360 --> 01:29:20.660
Like and I'm like, yeah.

1464
01:29:20.660 --> 01:29:23.440
So so sometimes I get all mixed up.

1465
01:29:24.040 --> 01:29:28.160
Like is it because I have unhealed like voids

1466
01:29:28.160 --> 01:29:33.020
that only no one can feel or is it just I made this way?

1467
01:29:33.020 --> 01:29:37.320
I need more like and a more in tuned emotional person.

1468
01:29:37.340 --> 01:29:39.920
And then like how do we keep it light when I'm feeling

1469
01:29:39.920 --> 01:29:42.740
so like emotional about my mom and my dad?

1470
01:29:42.800 --> 01:29:46.140
You know, it's like, how do I or am I pretending?

1471
01:29:46.380 --> 01:29:47.180
Am I performing now?

1472
01:29:47.340 --> 01:29:50.360
And then, you know, well, that's why you need

1473
01:29:50.360 --> 01:29:52.620
to take a break for one one.

1474
01:29:52.720 --> 01:29:54.820
But if you're not willing to do that, Joanne,

1475
01:29:55.160 --> 01:29:57.580
I don't think it has anything to do with you're healed.

1476
01:29:57.640 --> 01:29:59.980
If you're not, stop asking.

1477
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.840
questions that you shouldn't ask somebody that you only know for a few days like some of this stuff could be taken care of Joanne a

1478
01:30:07.420 --> 01:30:09.840
Lot of the things you do have nothing to do with unheal

1479
01:30:09.840 --> 01:30:11.880
But you try to make it safe for you

1480
01:30:11.880 --> 01:30:17.360
You try to safeguard your process and safeguard your life and you believe if you ask enough questions

1481
01:30:17.500 --> 01:30:22.500
It's gonna give you safety to move forward and I am telling you that's not true

1482
01:30:22.580 --> 01:30:27.600
It gives you some form of something but none of these things have been tested

1483
01:30:27.600 --> 01:30:32.180
And so you keep trying to say make your way safe

1484
01:30:32.420 --> 01:30:39.980
So you ask all of this stuff you dive into all of these things very early on you wear yourself out

1485
01:30:39.980 --> 01:30:45.680
They go tell you they life story you process it through they stuff and it's just like joy

1486
01:30:45.680 --> 01:30:51.760
It's just a week, but you you have been you know in the past you refuse not to operate this way

1487
01:30:51.760 --> 01:30:56.320
But it has nothing to do with being unhealed. It has to do with you wanting to be safe

1488
01:30:56.320 --> 01:31:02.420
But I am telling you you can't safeguard yourself from whatever you're trying to safeguard yourself from

1489
01:31:02.420 --> 01:31:08.320
Because people have to be invested in and you have to take a journey with them. That's how people are

1490
01:31:09.100 --> 01:31:15.200
That's just a that's the natural order of things and when you start ciphering information ahead of time

1491
01:31:15.200 --> 01:31:19.860
It doesn't make it better for you. It makes you believe, you know what you don't know

1492
01:31:20.760 --> 01:31:24.820
It makes you believe that because somebody says something that is truth

1493
01:31:27.060 --> 01:31:31.360
That's that's being you you have to be unaware of yourself there are things that you say

1494
01:31:31.360 --> 01:31:35.440
They're not necessarily true about you Joe and put you in the right position things change

1495
01:31:35.820 --> 01:31:43.100
So I am telling you you should observe people and grow in a natural way and it will be healthier for you

1496
01:31:43.100 --> 01:31:47.940
But I understand that you have a need you really really have this need to safeguard yourself

1497
01:31:47.940 --> 01:31:51.580
And I'm asking you to be in yourself in a different direction

1498
01:31:55.000 --> 01:31:55.880
Um and

1499
01:31:56.800 --> 01:31:59.140
There's no way around it

1500
01:31:59.160 --> 01:32:03.860
I'm telling you you can't actually ask enough questions to help you know a person it when you get done

1501
01:32:03.860 --> 01:32:05.380
All you know is what they tell you

1502
01:32:05.380 --> 01:32:08.780
That's all you still know is what they see it and when they fall apart

1503
01:32:08.780 --> 01:32:13.720
You're gonna say but you say and you say but you say it and he said and that's what you say

1504
01:32:13.720 --> 01:32:19.280
It didn't and you said this and you said then it's like what is that?

1505
01:32:19.280 --> 01:32:25.320
Yeah, it's like yeah, I said it but that doesn't make it true

1506
01:32:26.920 --> 01:32:31.120
But I don't think it's because you're so wounded and you need to go get more hard work

1507
01:32:31.160 --> 01:32:38.060
It's just that you need to stop yourself from wanting to do. This is that I understand what you're doing

1508
01:32:41.500 --> 01:32:44.200
But you're not gonna lose you can't lose

1509
01:32:45.160 --> 01:32:51.580
It's if it has this thing it just has this thing that's that's the cost of the that's the cost of the process

1510
01:32:53.180 --> 01:33:00.700
Imagine if you're if you're stinking that means that you are touchable and that's a good thing that you can feel

1511
01:33:05.640 --> 01:33:09.240
Yeah, I just I just hope I made the right decision I mean

1512
01:33:09.240 --> 01:33:14.300
If it's not right, you know, it'll find itself but you you can't go wrong Joey

1513
01:33:15.100 --> 01:33:21.200
You you it's like if it was wrong decision, what's the worst that could happen? I

1514
01:33:21.200 --> 01:33:21.580
Mean, what?

1515
01:33:22.520 --> 01:33:27.120
What's gonna happen? I mean the worst. I mean, they're not really because I mean

1516
01:33:27.660 --> 01:33:32.420
Not really. I mean cuz he was he I'm the one who said good. I just want to be friends

1517
01:33:32.440 --> 01:33:36.920
He's like well if you because I kind of sort of left the door a little open

1518
01:33:36.920 --> 01:33:44.560
Because I'm like, I'm just I'm just tired I just this whole thing is tiring my mom's thing and he's like well

1519
01:33:44.560 --> 01:33:49.960
It's up to you. I'm like if you wanted you want to talk again? You're the one who hasn't I'm like, yeah

1520
01:33:51.800 --> 01:33:52.360
Yeah

1521
01:33:53.880 --> 01:34:00.780
Yeah, I think that it's okay. I'm glad that you for whatever reason decide. Hey, I'm gonna take a break from this

1522
01:34:01.960 --> 01:34:06.360
And just be settled in the decision that you made you can make good decisions

1523
01:34:07.140 --> 01:34:10.060
And guess what? We serve a God of restoration

1524
01:34:10.820 --> 01:34:17.220
If this is somehow your husband, he's gonna be your husband next month in the next two months from now. I

1525
01:34:17.220 --> 01:34:20.440
Mean, I don't know what you're measuring if you made a mistake

1526
01:34:21.920 --> 01:34:23.460
There it's okay

1527
01:34:24.420 --> 01:34:28.480
You did what you felt was best for you in the moment, and that's it

1528
01:34:28.880 --> 01:34:35.720
That's true. That's just it like this. You can put a nail in the coffin. This is this day buried that thing

1529
01:34:37.380 --> 01:34:38.960
And you're human

1530
01:34:42.680 --> 01:34:43.320
Yeah

1531
01:34:44.680 --> 01:34:47.040
And so we're praying for your heart

1532
01:34:47.740 --> 01:34:54.080
This one thing is true and the journey that you're on and my prayer is that you?

1533
01:34:54.920 --> 01:34:59.740
Walk more closely with your elder brother. Jesus Jesus in this season as your friend

1534
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:07.860
And that you give your heart to Papa God so that he can hold it and enjoy your friendship with Jesus in this season

1535
01:35:08.180 --> 01:35:14.360
because it takes a friend to stick beside you doing hard things like this and Jesus is your friend and

1536
01:35:17.180 --> 01:35:18.600
It's just a journey

1537
01:35:22.060 --> 01:35:25.920
Yeah, and I don't want you dating to distract yourself from it

1538
01:35:25.920 --> 01:35:29.760
I don't want you appropriating emotions in places that you shouldn't

1539
01:35:30.000 --> 01:35:34.400
So be real mindful and guard your heart with our diligence in this season in this time

1540
01:35:41.720 --> 01:35:43.360
You're welcome and keep us posted

1541
01:35:45.160 --> 01:35:47.320
Okay, yeah, we want to know how you're doing

1542
01:35:49.880 --> 01:35:50.620
You're welcome

1543
01:35:52.600 --> 01:35:53.100
D

1544
01:35:53.100 --> 01:36:00.140
Mandy Mandy took a break in a month of September. Hey, I take breaks all the time y'all's for real truth

1545
01:36:01.520 --> 01:36:02.000
Hey

1546
01:36:02.700 --> 01:36:08.800
Felicia was before me. I don't know. She just never put her hand down. Oh, okay. I didn't want to jump in

1547
01:36:08.800 --> 01:36:11.900
Okay. Well, thank you for seeing me and I know it's late. So I

1548
01:36:12.600 --> 01:36:17.180
Really it might not be the time. So let me know and I'm thinking if we have to book a private call

1549
01:36:17.180 --> 01:36:20.960
So be it but I really would love to unpack what happened with mr

1550
01:36:20.960 --> 01:36:24.580
Man, man, man, and I just went on a date with mr. Oh, hello

1551
01:36:25.680 --> 01:36:30.760
Just about an hour ago and I it really helped. It didn't help

1552
01:36:30.760 --> 01:36:36.400
I mean, I knew how I felt about mr. Man, man, man after I date the other yesterday. Oh times just gone

1553
01:36:37.340 --> 01:36:41.520
But um, I would love to unpack it and I don't know if this is the time to do it

1554
01:36:41.520 --> 01:36:47.860
I'm willing to start and you can stop me but whatever. Um, if it's not an appropriate time, I know, you know

1555
01:36:47.860 --> 01:36:49.000
I'm conscious of the time

1556
01:36:50.020 --> 01:36:50.460
So

1557
01:36:51.860 --> 01:36:54.720
They said they love your nicknames for your me and well

1558
01:36:55.560 --> 01:37:00.560
I wouldn't mind unpacking with you. It is 838 exactly. Yeah, these

1559
01:37:01.620 --> 01:37:05.320
And and it's not that I know you've been waiting. So I

1560
01:37:05.460 --> 01:37:07.340
Saw a kind of playing time like this

1561
01:37:07.340 --> 01:37:09.000
So when we had one amount of time

1562
01:37:09.000 --> 01:37:12.720
There were a certain number of women that already had their hands up in my mind says, okay

1563
01:37:12.720 --> 01:37:13.740
I can take as much time

1564
01:37:13.740 --> 01:37:17.840
I want on this one because we only got four left and then you kind of came on the tail

1565
01:37:17.840 --> 01:37:21.820
It's like oh man, I used up so much time because I thought we hit extra

1566
01:37:21.840 --> 01:37:24.300
Yeah, this is what I want to say to you

1567
01:37:24.520 --> 01:37:29.740
I if you want to do this post it on the page in a video style

1568
01:37:30.200 --> 01:37:37.680
Versus typing it out and I can listen to you because sometimes when we're able to talk you can express it better than typing

1569
01:37:38.160 --> 01:37:41.400
Yeah, I know. I know I've been doing video posts on yeah

1570
01:37:41.400 --> 01:37:42.680
As well

1571
01:37:44.060 --> 01:37:52.160
Okay, if you're comfortable with that you can make that post and then I will listen to what you're saying on tomorrow and being

1572
01:37:52.600 --> 01:37:54.400
Respond, how does that sound?

1573
01:37:56.320 --> 01:38:00.760
Yeah, I'll think about it because it's for me it's like I might just need a one-to-one

1574
01:38:00.760 --> 01:38:06.680
But I also realize that it might be helpful for me to unpack it just because it might be helpful to others what you say

1575
01:38:06.680 --> 01:38:08.260
To me, but it's more about

1576
01:38:08.760 --> 01:38:12.840
My comfort level I spoke I saw I have to think about it after kind of okay

1577
01:38:12.840 --> 01:38:18.180
Think about it. And if not, if that doesn't work for you, um, I

1578
01:38:18.180 --> 01:38:20.420
Don't want you to feel like you have to get a one-on-one

1579
01:38:20.420 --> 01:38:25.740
You can I don't want you to wait till next Tuesday either. No, I don't I need to unpack this

1580
01:38:25.820 --> 01:38:30.060
No, I don't know what's available with slots, but I'll look it up and see I haven't done it before

1581
01:38:30.420 --> 01:38:36.040
The one-to-one yet. So but I really do need to it's like I was trying so hard to get on a call today

1582
01:38:36.040 --> 01:38:37.620
even if it was with Carla, but it's just

1583
01:38:38.280 --> 01:38:40.720
Which might be all tied in this crazy season right now

1584
01:38:40.720 --> 01:38:44.640
It's just all kinds of madness going on and I'm just like really and I was trying to get on a call

1585
01:38:45.020 --> 01:38:49.760
Because I really do need to let it out and see what you know, your wisdom you walk on

1586
01:38:49.760 --> 01:38:51.580
you know what your wisdom says because

1587
01:38:52.760 --> 01:38:56.280
Something's happening. So we'll see but anyway, yeah

1588
01:38:56.280 --> 01:39:04.280
Well shit check out the resources in tomorrow tomorrow. Yeah tomorrow's Wednesday, but go go check out resources and

1589
01:39:05.360 --> 01:39:05.840
in

1590
01:39:05.840 --> 01:39:07.040
Book a slot

1591
01:39:07.200 --> 01:39:11.860
but I mean if you change your mind if it's just some of it that you need to get out tonight go ahead and make

1592
01:39:11.860 --> 01:39:16.180
A video on some of it and I'll respond and I can let you know like oh, yeah

1593
01:39:16.220 --> 01:39:21.980
Let's like this is something deeper happening. Let's unpack this this way. Okay. I'll give it a go

1594
01:39:21.980 --> 01:39:27.400
Yeah, I'll try and make a video and see what happens. Okay, and then go. Well, I'll think about it and all the things

1595
01:39:27.400 --> 01:39:31.780
But yeah, no, thank you. That is helpful. I appreciate it. Thank you. You're welcome

1596
01:39:32.320 --> 01:39:36.500
Okay, ladies it has been a blast I hope you guys rest really well

1597
01:39:36.500 --> 01:39:42.460
It's so good to see y'all that I haven't seen in a while and you know, Lori, I miss your voice

1598
01:39:42.460 --> 01:39:47.440
I don't know what's happening that you decided you don't want to say anything to me anymore. I know

1599
01:39:48.080 --> 01:39:50.880
Yeah, but I miss you. I'm so happy to see all of y'all

1600
01:39:52.080 --> 01:39:57.300
And I pray sweet sleep and rest over you guys until we meet again, please post in the chat

1601
01:39:57.300 --> 01:39:59.980
Keep me up to date. I miss y'all

1602
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:02.340
sometimes when you've been gone a really long time.

1603
01:40:02.900 --> 01:40:04.780
And so rest well, I hope you have a good night.

1604
01:40:04.880 --> 01:40:07.700
And Sarah, I hope that you're doing well since last time.

1605
01:40:08.060 --> 01:40:09.640
Sarah McMichael in Austin.

1606
01:40:10.460 --> 01:40:11.420
Yes, I am.

1607
01:40:13.020 --> 01:40:14.360
Okay, good, good.

1608
01:40:14.360 --> 01:40:15.300
That's good, I'm glad.

1609
01:40:15.880 --> 01:40:17.620
Jodi, all you guys, Stephanie.

1610
01:40:18.180 --> 01:40:19.640
All right, talk to you later.

1611
01:40:19.800 --> 01:40:20.340
Have a good night.

1612
01:40:20.480 --> 01:40:21.720
Good to see you Nikki and Shelly

1613
01:40:21.760 --> 01:40:23.420
and Audrey and Kim and Ashley.

1614
01:40:23.880 --> 01:40:24.380
Good night.

1615
01:40:25.460 --> 01:40:26.060
Thank you, Ebony.

1616
01:40:26.320 --> 01:40:26.680
Good night.

1617
01:40:26.980 --> 01:40:27.180
You're welcome.

1618
01:40:27.320 --> 01:40:27.740
Good night.

1619
01:40:32.700 --> 01:40:33.560
Thanks, Ebony.

1620
01:40:34.240 --> 01:40:34.960
You're welcome.