Hello, welcome to our Monday evening session.
Would love to see you all on the screen if you're able to come on screen.
I understand not everybody can.
Don't feel like you have to apologize if you can't,
but just would love to see you on screen tonight if you're able.
I'll probably say it again as more ladies join us because we're just now at
11 o'clock in the evening.
I'm counting myself.
But a couple of housekeeping items for you all this evening.
I want to go ahead and get those out of the way.
Even though I don't want that to sound like they're not a positive thing
because they are, they're really important, but.
Supernatural Saturday on Saturday,
really awesome testimonies and truth coming through David and Jackie from
their own life experiences.
Some under other individuals in the, in the community also shared.
And it was all like kind of central around no breakthroughs too small,
but also the siege is over and how God wants to bring all this supernatural
breakthrough and even lost things being found and all of that.
So I really encourage you all to listen to it.
And as you listen to it, you know, I want you all to consider doing this.
Listening to it once without taking notes,
just to absorb the content and then listening again to take notes for
yourself.
I really feel like sometimes we absorb things differently when we're just
listening.
Versus, you know, sometimes when we're trying to take notes,
we're so focused on getting down,
what is being said that we're not really fully hearing all of what God wants
to say to us in that moment.
So I want to encourage you all to do that.
Also,
I know not everyone can join the prayer times that we have on Monday
through Thursday for women's prayer at 10 a.m.
Eastern time, but want to invite you to join us as much as you can.
You all, this is truly a foundational part of last year, single.
If you want to know why we have so, so many success stories, that's why.
Genuinely prayer is central to everything that we do.
And I can tell you from my own life that it was central to my breakthroughs
and the things that I was getting.
Now, if you're not able to join,
I don't want you to feel like you're going to miss out because we're
praying for you.
I don't know if you know that, but when we gather,
at least when I lead prayer,
I always pray for even people that are not able to join us live,
that anything that we declare in cat,
like call forth and declare over the community that all of you all would
receive it.
Even when you're at work or you're sleeping or whatever it is,
you know,
because sometimes people work nights and then they're sleeping in the day,
but I just want you to know we're covering you.
If you don't know where to find the link to join prayer,
if you're brand new,
that is under the events tab within the last year,
single app.
If you didn't know when you're on your phone,
you might have to scroll over to events and resources.
And on that event tab,
there's an event or in that event tab,
there's an event calendar.
And inside the event calendar,
there's all kinds of events in there,
including the prayer.
All right.
So that's where you're and you click on that event and the link and
everything's there for you.
Also want to just remind you all,
if you're new or you just haven't done it yet,
please do an introduction post in the group under the community tab and
include a picture of yourself.
Tell us a little bit about yourself,
what led you here or anything that you feel led to share.
Cause we love to get to know you.
And this is, again,
it's another way for you to practice being seen,
known and loved for us to see who you are.
And it's really awesome.
As all of you are joining,
I have more ladies even joining now,
always encourage you all to come on screen as much as you can.
Totally.
Don't have to apologize if you can't come on screen,
but I do want you all to practice coming on screen as much as possible
during the heart work.
Even when y'all moved to phase two practice,
why do I say practice coming on screen?
Why do you think I use that verbiage in particular?
Because some of you don't even like to see yourself on a screen.
You don't like to see yourself in the mirror.
And that is going to be a problem.
If you're doing online dating and video chats at some point.
So let's practice being seen, you know,
and all kinds of things being known.
And I just like to see you.
Okay.
So I'm going to say that too.
I just like to see the people that I'm coaching.
When I see your faces,
it really just changes my ability to connect with you.
I feel like I, I, I try to connect with you all as much as I can.
Even in the, you know, the text responses to you all,
but when I like see you in group and I hear from you and I know what you
look like, I'm like, oh yeah.
This is who Sarah is when I'm responding to you. It's just,
it just kind of changes it in, in that connection. I'm sure.
I think you all probably feel the same, you know, for our coaches,
if we never came on screen, it it's not that it's not effective.
and still be effective.
But don't you like to see the person that's coaching you?
I do.
So anyways, there's that.
So I'm gonna pray us in.
If you're brand new, I almost forgot,
I'm Bethany Cooper.
I'm one of the Master Heart Work Coaches
here in the community.
If you are new, this is your first live session.
Please put that in the chat for us.
We wanna welcome you and cheer you on
for taking this step to join us in the heart work process
for all of my ladies that have returned.
Welcome back.
We had an awesome session this afternoon.
I'm hoping and praying that tonight goes just as great
and that you all receive everything God has for you.
And so on that note, I'm gonna go ahead and pray.
Father, thank you so much for everything that you're doing,
God, for all the ways that you prepare our hearts,
for the breakthrough that you want to usher in
and the perfect moment, the perfect time,
God, we thank you for revealings for healing happening
in an accelerated pace tonight,
that dots would be connected, God,
that aha moments would happen,
that memories would come to the surface,
that people just, they don't even know why they're stuck,
but Lord, that you do.
So we ask you to bring those things out to the forefront.
Lord, help them to have the courage to step into healing.
We thank you, God, for sending Jesus.
And Jesus, we thank you for coming,
for making a way for us to be healed, set free,
to be in relationship with you and the Father,
and that you all sent the Holy Spirit
so we would never have to do this journey alone.
Holy Spirit, we just welcome your presence here
because I already know you're here.
I just welcome you here,
and I ask you to have your way in us
and throughout this time tonight.
In Jesus name, amen, amen, amen.
So this afternoon I was chatting briefly.
I don't even remember everything I said, ladies.
I wish I had recorded the beginning
of that afternoon session
because it was pretty good, I feel like.
And I don't say that about my own coaching sessions
to you all very often,
but there was some good stuff that God was releasing.
But I do remember a couple of the things,
the nuggets that I wanna give you all tonight as well.
And here's what it is.
I had the honor of preaching this past Sunday,
yesterday for our church,
and God led me to talk about the spirit of kindness,
and that's what we journeyed through.
But there were a lot of aspects of that
that I was really challenging people to go all in
and to risk their hearts for kindness.
But I'm saying all that to say that in the second,
I preached twice, in the second service during worship,
God just started speaking to me
about how he wanted the end of the service
to go different than the first one.
And he wanted me to ask people to stand
that had felt like any level of like,
yeah, I relate to these stories,
I need to take a step to forgive someone
or whatever it was that God was dealing with them about.
And then not only to stand,
and this is something you all,
I know in like in the churches I was raised
and that's something we did all the time,
but that's not something that the church that we are in,
that they're used to,
we're trying to take them there a little by little.
And so I already knew, okay,
this is gonna be a step for these people.
And I don't mean that in a bad way,
but this just isn't common for them.
And so not only did I ask them to have the courage to stand,
but then I asked them to have the courage
to come forward for prayer.
And so you all, at the end of that,
I was able to pray for several people.
And there's this woman that I prayed for,
she's one of the sweetest people ever,
battling cancer right now,
just really doing an amazing job,
being a light for Jesus in the process.
And I'm praying for her.
And I see in my mind's eye from the Lord,
a black stone in her heart,
literally in the spirit, that's what I saw.
Now she's not someone I would have normally thought,
well, she's got a black stone in there.
Like I just, those two didn't go together
cause she's super sweet.
And, but here's the thing,
this is where we have to trust the Lord
and what he's showing us.
And so I just released it, something like this,
I don't know if this resonates for you,
but I'm just gonna tell you what I'm seeing.
And I just started telling her,
and then I prayed into it
and prayed for that to be broken
and for God to come in and just break apart
that any kind of hardness in her heart
that might've come through something.
And I'm just praying.
And then I went on to some other people.
And then at the end of the service,
she came up to me, you all,
and she was telling me that it was spot on.
And she starts telling me this story about her sister
and how her sister had done some things
that were really hurtful
and she had started hardening her heart
and I was like, oh, really?
How long ago did this happen?
She's like, just this past week.
And so it's just really,
I'm saying all this to say to you all,
why I felt led to say it to you tonight
is that we can all have healing.
We can be going down the journey and we feel good and and then something happens
the enemy comes in and he tries to you know, bring this offense and bring this heartache in and
If we're not careful
we'll put walls up we'll start to harden our hearts and
Before we know it that can change how we live and interact with these people, right? And so
Maybe some of you
Maybe that's where you're at tonight
Maybe there's something that happened and you're just like man. I
Just don't want to deal with that person anymore
One of the other stories I told was that I have this lady in the church
I have a lot of church stories y'all pastor and people that aren't perfect
Just like myself isn't always an easy job, but praise the Lord we get the opportunity to do it
But she's on our children's team and we are a church that is
We're not, you know small small, but we're not big and so we don't have a big team right now yet
I believe God is gonna do some things there, but
We don't we don't have a lot of children's workers
Like when I say we don't have a lot of children's workers, we literally have like less than a handful
So I don't have a lot of subs. I don't have a lot of coverage
and and so we can't we really aren't prepared for last-minute changes and
This lady in particular who is
Technically a friend of mine as well
Her and her husband moved down here. Her husband grew up with my husband
Moved down here after we moved down here and they felt led to not only because they wanted to move to South Florida
Y'all it's beautiful down here
It's very attractive for many people to move here
But they said they wanted to be partner partner with us and in the ministry and things if you will
Well a couple weeks ago and I might even talked about this I don't even know on heart work at one session, but
She texts me out of nowhere and says oh by the way
I'm going to not be at church on
This date in this date and it was two Sundays in a row you all and I said to her I was like
Are you serious? I'm supposed to preach and it was the 12th and the 19th. I'm supposed to preach on the 12th
What are we gonna do I don't have anybody to cover that clap because normally I cover if she's not there and
She's like well, we need more volunteers and that was her response to me
Yep, we sure do
You know, I kind of had just forget it
I'll take care of it and I was I was irritated because I was just thinking like what the heck like
It's one thing y'all and I'm all for people taking breaks, you know
It's not like they don't she doesn't take time off now
She is a volunteer and there's all of that side of it, too
But here's the thing
The reason I'm telling you these stories is I'm setting you up for the content tonight
But I'm hoping that you all relate to some of this in some way for yourself as well
So I wasn't super happy and so the next time I saw her
Because what happened after that you all I couldn't preach on the 12th anymore
And so we had to hurry and shift all kinds of stuff for our team
We had I had to like train a couple other people
I had to figure out how to cover this big gap that we had now and so it really threw a wrench in things for us
and
so then the next time I saw her she came up all friendly just acting like just normal and
I didn't feel normal on the inside. I felt like what the heck
Why are you acting all like everything's fine? Everything's not fine
Because I didn't feel fine
But I couldn't I didn't want to deal with it to be honest
I was just like I just I don't have time for this and so I was you know, nice
I wasn't rude or anything, but I definitely wasn't overly friendly or overly talkative
Now I was really busy too and and I tend to be on sunday mornings, but then I saw her the next saturday
And she came over and was chatty
And I actually was work because we were at a leadership retreat that we were leading
I actually was working on my next session kind of just going back through it and preparing to talk again
But I I really didn't feel like talking to her either
And so this morning I was reading in this book and it's all about honor
And it's all about
how heaven feels about
When people fail
and fall short versus the world's
Perspective of failure and how people need to make up for what they've done wrong
and so
You know this morning i'm like ouch, you know, I kind of realized I judged her
for what she did. Now, of course, I'm allowed to have feelings, but here's the thing. God doesn't
want me to stay in the judgment seat. He doesn't want me to stay with walls up and kind of cold
shouldering her. And I'm not even that way. I'm not rude. I'm just like, I just wasn't like heart
wide open, like, oh, we're gonna hang out and be friendly. No, I didn't feel that way. But then
here's the layer deeper that God showed me this morning as well. When I asked the Lord, like, I
recognize this is here. And I know how I feel when I'm around her now that this has happened. So
what's really the problem? What's really going on here? And I heard immediately, abandonment. I
I'm not saying that's true. I'm saying that's how I felt, because of past things in my life. And I
just felt like she just didn't care how that affected all of us. And I may or may not talk to
her about it at some point. Now, as a leader in the church, I do need to train people. So I'm
going to be praying for God to continue to heal my heart. So if that time comes, and I feel led to
talk about those kind of things and set some more boundaries with our volunteers, like, hey, unless
you're like, deathly sick, please don't last minute, tell us you're just not going to be there for two
weeks in a row if you're a normal weekly volunteer. But I need to make sure my heart is in a good
place before I have that conversation. And so tonight, we're talking about what is the broken
heart. So I want you all to be thinking about times where people have let you down, times where
people didn't show up when they were supposed to show up, or times you felt offended by something
someone did or said, and then maybe times you might have judged them because of it as well.
Maybe that's even towards yourself. I just heard the Lord say some of you all are judging yourself
because you just feel like you haven't been able to get this romantic part of your life right.
And so you're sitting in the judgment seat towards yourself.
And God wants you to forgive yourself for that. You're not doing something wrong. You're not
screwing it up. You've been learning and growing and healing. But some of you all
were following counterfeit identities for a while, just like I used to.
And we didn't know what we didn't know, ladies. But praise the Lord, we know what we know now.
And in the days ahead, we're going to keep growing and learning and recognizing the good that God has
for us and that things can be different. They can be, but it starts in our heart. So remember that
trauma doesn't just hurt us. It creates these counterfeit versions of us. So when we went
through trauma and wounds of the past, you know, it's not like you become these separate people
technically, but there's a part, you know, even in that moment, my response to that woman,
I was pulling away from her. I was shutting down. I was putting walls up. Why do you think
I was doing that? Defender was coming out to play. Because again, I felt abandoned.
This is someone who says they're my friend. And then just like in a fleeting moment, they're just
like, I'm out two weeks in a row. Have fun. Now, she didn't say it like that. But I'm telling you,
those are those are the ways I was interpreting it. Okay. So again, think about the different
times your defender protector. Now, it's, it's, it's me y'all. But it's in my subconscious that
you know, defender is showing up. Anger is hurts bodyguard. So I felt angry. You know,
I felt justified. I felt all these things. So what is your broken heart leading you into
that is not a part of your true identity. And the true identity, remember, it's it's the original
version of who God created you to be before wounds or trauma ever entered your life.
Clean slate. And not like you think of a clean slate, like literally clear, no blemish,
nothing broken, nothing missing. What is God's true identity for us. And I want to encourage
you this is not something you're just going to one day wake up and like, Oh, here's my true identity.
It's going to be like no walking it out a little bit more a little bit more a little bit more.
I believe every single day that God is helping me step further into that.
true identity. And I haven't just arrived, but I definitely am living in a completely
different life than I was just a few years ago. And God is continuing, even like reading
that book this morning, he's inviting me into more healing and more like, okay, look at
this, Bethany, you know, I don't want this to stay in your heart and inviting me out
of those things. And I believe he's going to invite you out of some of those types of
things as well. I want you to be thinking about also in the heart work book, it talks
about Jackie talks about in chapter, I think the six, she talks about Beezlebub. It's another
name for Satan, the enemy, the one that devours and tries to seek and kill and destroy this.
This name for him is actually Lord of the flies. And I want to remind you that flies
serve a purpose in the decomposition process. So things breaking down, what flies do is
they find an unhealed wound, a sore or someplace of decomposition. I'm sorry, I just panicked
and thought, Oh my gosh, am I recording? Praise the Lord, I'm recording a sore someplace of
decomposition and they go into those places and they lay their eggs inside of that place.
They do this so that when the eggs hatch, the larvae then have this unlimited food source.
These unhealed heart wounds, traumas and rejections then become the ideal place for the enemy
to sow what? Seeds that are lies because our hearts are fertile wombs. Remember, so anything
that he plants in there that we allow to stay in there is going to reproduce something.
And as we look at these lies, what do they do to us? Well, they find their way into the
heart wound and begin to eat us from the inside out, destroying the abundance of our hearts
and eventually our lives. So where has decomposition started in you? Where are there lies that
are still existing in your heart that are causing you to be stuck? Where are you partnering?
We had also one of the things that came up as well this afternoon was, again, another
person just asked them like, Hey, are you partnering with a lie that you're too old
for a spirit mate, that you're too old for happiness and joy and all that God wants to
give you? And for some of you, that's even going back to school. It's never too late.
If we are still here, God has something for us and praise the Lord. I do believe it's
a love story for you as well. But for some of you, it's a lot more than that for all
of you. I believe that, but you know, some of you are going to feel called to go do some
things, maybe go on a mission trip or go serves in a nonprofit area that you haven't before.
You know, go do fun dance classes. I don't know what it is for you. We'll talk about
that a little bit more later, but be praying about where God wants to lead you in the days
ahead. I want to give you three things that the broken heart is. Again, remember, we're
talking about the broken heart tonight, not the healed one. The broken heart is a liar.
So it's full of lies. It's full of mess on the inside of there. It's a puzzle. So it's
all messed up. I want you to think about if you've ever done a puzzle, when you open the
box, there's a lot of pieces and you dump those out and they're just scattered everywhere,
right? Until you put the puzzle together. But what I want you all to understand, I put
this together this afternoon in my mind, and I don't think I've ever said it until this
afternoon, but a lot of people don't fully understand the puzzle. You know, the broken
heart is a puzzle. Well, guess what? Do you know where chaos and confusion comes from?
The puzzle part of our broken heart, where the pieces are kind of in disarray and they're all
the place. So if you feel like you struggle with confusion and chaos in your life, it is because
the broken heart has caused stuff to be kind of all over. Do you ever doubt your choices and your
ability to choose the right thing or the right person? Y'all, that's coming from the puzzler.
Okay? All right. Another one is pretender. Do you ever pretend to be somebody or something
that you're not? Do you feel like you've got to put a mask on? Maybe you're wanting expensive
things or status, or you're telling yourself you're okay. I don't need any help. I'm better
off being single. Because you know what? If you really let yourself believe that God has something
for you, like a love story, if it doesn't happen in the timeframe that you think it should,
those lies start to percolate to the surface and tell you you're crazy. And guess what?
Some of y'all, out of nowhere,
the pastor's gonna preach a message
and some of y'all are in some churches
where they're gonna preach a message
that tells you you should just be waiting for your Boaz.
You know, Jackie talked about that in the challenge.
I remember thinking, yeah, I'm waiting.
Even after I went through my divorce,
like waiting for my Boaz, I remember like clinging to that.
Y'all, that led me in all kinds of wrong directions.
Maybe you're trying to convince yourself
that you don't want something you actually want.
It's just easier being single.
I don't have to worry about somebody wanting something
different than I wanna watch
or wanting to watch a show I don't wanna watch.
And you know, whatever that looks like
and sounds like for you, that is a pretender.
If you believe God has a love story for you,
then telling yourself you're better off single
and partnering with that is the exact opposite of the truth.
It's called deception, okay?
The last one of the pretender is it causes us
to live below our true identity.
Remember, I've been touching on our value and our worth.
We've been leaning into that
with that silhouette activation a couple of weeks ago.
If you're brand new, we'll circle back around to that.
But if you guys go through our group,
you're gonna see some of the other ladies' amazing silhouettes
things that God has been doing
and saying to your sisters in this group.
It's powerful.
And God wants to speak to you about your true identity
so that you don't choose somebody or something in the future
where you live below God's best for you.
Just settling for, you know,
the man with the baggy pants who sometimes calls
and you're not really sure if he wants to commit,
but man, he's the only one paying you any attention.
Yeah, I said the baggy pants.
That drives me nuts, you all.
I can't stand it.
I'm like, man, I just wanna tell him, son,
pull up your pants.
That isn't cute.
I don't know, maybe y'all think it's cute.
I don't think it's cute.
I don't know where that came from,
but I think it all the time.
Every time I see some guy with the pants down
and I'm like, and then you see his underwear
and I'm just like, when did this start?
All right, I'm gonna keep going.
Jeremiah 17, nine says,
the heart is deceitful above all things
and desperately wicked who can know it.
God is the one that knows our heart
and he knows how to reveal to us what we need to know.
Proverbs 4.23 in the ESV version says this,
keep your heart with all vigilance
for from it flows the springs of life.
Remember that our hearts are highly impressionable.
Everything that we hear, we see that we're around
is impressing upon our hearts,
including the things that we're partnering with
in our minds, whether it's subconscious
or we have a bad day, y'all.
These bad days sometimes can just creep up out of nowhere
and you get bad news.
And before you know it, the world is falling apart
and nothing good is happening.
And we believe the lie that,
well, if this is happening over here,
how could this ever happen over here?
I want you to know that God knows who you are.
He knows what you're going through
and he knows how to get you to where he wants you to be.
Trusting him in the process
is gonna be vital to your victory.
Remember, Jesus already died to give you the victory.
It's already yours.
It's stepping into it every day a little bit more,
a little bit more, a little bit more
that changes everything.
All right, I'm gonna go through some lies tonight.
I give you all seven tonight specifically.
Now there are a lot more lies,
but these are some that I feel really led to pull out.
These are ones that a lot of people struggle with.
Okay, I've seen them over and over and over again.
Lie number one, you are insignificant.
You're insignificant.
So the definition of this is not significant,
lacking meaning, not worth considering, unimportant.
Has anyone ever told you that you weren't important?
Maybe not even with their words,
but their actions dismissed you?
Talked around you?
Spoke down to you?
I don't know what that looked like for you,
but that happens a lot.
And then we carry that into every relationship
that we show up in.
Because internally, we believe we're insignificant
because we partake of it.
partner with that lie at some point.
Lie number two, you don't matter. So not only are we not
in like, these are not truths. Again, these are lies. But not
only are we believing the lie that we're insignificant, we're
partnering with the lie that we don't matter. And if you don't
struggle with any of these, awesome. But I know a lot of
people do.
Lie number three, you should be seen and not heard.
Now, years ago, this was very common people, the kids would
come to the dinner table and they were not allowed to speak.
It's not so much like that in the same physical way now. But
you know how we do it now? Y'all want to guess?
What do we give our kids?
We send them into the room and the other room to watch TV or we
give them an iPad because I'm not saying we do this all the
time is a negative thing. Okay, I'm not gonna if there's single
mamas out here and you just need something to help because man
you've got your you know, there's so much please do not
think I'm putting that down. But there are some parents that
literally don't want a parent.
And so they just put their kids on devices.
And they want them quiet. They don't want them asking a bunch
of questions. I don't know if y'all ever have had kids and
your backseat and they're like just one question after another
after another. I remember when Michaela she was like, I think
13 at the time. She used to be the quiet one. And she just
became this little chatterbox just constant constant was one
thing after another. And she just asked all these questions
and I'm man her dad just drove him nuts. But she just was so
like she was blossoming and she just had all these questions.
But you know, he really shot that down in her a lot. And some
of you all have had that happen too. So it doesn't always have
to be around the table. It could have been in the car, it could
have been in a conversation. Maybe your ex didn't think that
your opinion should be voiced in front of other people. I don't
know what that looks like for you. Line number four, you're
not enough. The flip side of this that a lot of people hear
is you're too much. So the enemy likes to like go back and forth
with those two. You're not enough. You're too much. And
he's like, you know, but both of those are saying kind of the
same thing. Line number five, your opinion doesn't matter. So
not only do you not matter, not only are you insignificant, but
your opinion, what you think what you feel, it just doesn't
matter. One of the stories I told this afternoon, and I feel
like it's important to share it again tonight is my grandfather.
I was really close with my dad's parents growing up. My dad left
literally, when I was born, like no joke, took my mom's car. She
was a single mom took the car and left. And my mom was left at
the hospital didn't even have a ride home, y'all legit stuff. So
anyways, my grandfather was awesome. And he was a huge part
of my life. He was one of my softball coaches, he came to all
my cheerleading stuff, he drove me and my friends around for
cheerleading practices. Like, I rode the tractor with like, I
spent a lot of time with my grandpa love him so much. But he
when he passed away, in 2007, when I was at his funeral, we
had just walked by the casket. And it was time to go in, it was
kind of final goodbyes before the service. And I was I was
really upset. You know, I love him. And he was no longer with
us. And my oldest brother, who was the main abuser in the
family, says to me, you need to pull yourself together. Y'all,
thank God I was saved at the time. And I had finally learned
how to use my voice. And I looked at him, I'm like, don't
tell me what to do. If I want to cry, I'm gonna cry. And then
I just turned around and walked into the service. Now y'all, I
spoke at the service and and all of that. And but here's the
reason I bring this up is that in that moment, when he did
that, whether he realized it or not, he was basically telling me
that what I felt was not okay. And that I needed to just put
that away. Well, why? Why do people do that? Was it making
him uncomfortable? I have no clue. I've never even asked him.
But there are a lot of us that have gone through things like
that, where our parents have like, just stop that. Stop that
crying. And now sometimes, you know, some of us, I'm a feeler,
you all, I
felt things very deeply.
And I don't know that my family
always knew what to do with that.
But I do also remember not feeling safe
like I could cry in my home.
So a lot of times I would go into the garage,
I would go into the back of our property.
I didn't cry often in my home.
So are you someone who was told
that your feelings aren't valid,
that they're not okay in someone else's presence?
Lie number six, you're always going to have to beg.
Now you may not have this thought on a regular basis,
but here are some of the ways that it shows up.
A sister, a friend of yours starts dating someone
and all of a sudden you start panicking
like there's not enough men.
Number two, sometimes we'd,
and it's not like we're literally going under tables,
ladies and hanging out under there,
but in our inside, in our subconscious,
some of us are going under the table
thinking that all we are gonna get are the scraps.
Because we don't deserve the fullness of the table.
Well, where does that come from in us?
Well, it's this beggar, this orphan,
the pauper that shows up instead of the princess.
Remember a couple of weeks ago,
we talked about the princess
and practicing walking in that.
The pauper and the princess,
those are the opposites of each other.
Where do you feel like you have to beg God for something?
Because I think it's more than just our love life, ladies.
I think this shows up in a lot of areas,
but that comes from not truly knowing who God is
and who you are to him.
You're his daughter.
You're a daughter of the king.
A king who owns the cattle,
whatever it says, the cattle on the hills,
a thousand cattle on the hills.
I mean, you know, mansions.
This is not a God who is stingy,
yet that's how we view him with us.
Well, where does that come from?
Let's seek that out and not keep living in that.
Line number seven.
If they really knew me,
if they really knew what I did,
the mistakes I've made,
they wouldn't accept me, love me, choose me.
Some of you all believe the lie that men will not choose you
because you're a single parent with kids,
because you feel like it's baggage.
That's not truth.
All of these lies that I've pointed out tonight
all point back to us having low self-esteem
in one way or another,
pointing to us not understanding our value or worth,
popper orphan mentalities, limited belief systems,
you know, things that God is trying to call us out of
a little bit more tonight.
Here's some truths for you to meditate on in the days ahead.
Proverbs 12 49 in the NIV says this,
a wife of noble character is her husband's crown.
So a couple of weeks ago, I had you all practicing,
you know, putting on a tiara, putting on a crown,
walking like a princess.
If again, if you're new,
we'll circle back around to that activation again.
But have you considered that a wife of noble character
as you continue to heal,
hopefully you will be stepping into that noble character
more and more and more, not perfect.
Okay, that's not what I'm saying.
But character that is honorable,
that does honorable things and chooses honorable things.
You are then a crown to your husband.
Do you view yourself that way?
Truly, like be really honest with yourself.
Do you view yourself as a blessing
to the head of your husband, to his life,
that you crown him with good things?
The second lie, yes, thank you Kalandra
for putting that in there.
Number seven was, if they really knew me,
they wouldn't accept me, love me, choose me.
That one's a little longer,
but I also added in there if they really knew what I did,
mistakes I've made, all of that kind of stuff.
Let's see here, Ephesians 1.5, it says,
in love he predestined us for adoption
to sonship through Jesus Christ
in accordance with his pleasure and will.
Why am I pointing this out tonight?
Well, the reminder is that you're adopted.
If you're believing that you're on the outside,
just barely trying to reach in
and maybe God will squeak out a blessing for me.
Again, you all, it's not like that's actually
how what we're thinking necessarily,
but sometimes how we're living and how we're.
Pleading and begging, God, please, God, please, God.
No, we can just like partner with, God, thank you so much that you love me
and that you're working in my life and that you're going to, you know,
lead me into the fullness of the blessings that you have for my life.
Totally different than pleading, isn't it?
Now, I'm not saying God doesn't ever ask us to travail in prayer
because sometimes that is the case, but that is different than begging.
All right?
So you're a daughter of the king, you're adopted into the family,
all that is his is yours.
Isaiah 43, 4 says this,
Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.
God loves us so much that he's like, I'll give things up for you.
People, nations, because you're precious and you're honored in my sight
and I love you.
That's what he's saying to the people back then and that's what he's saying to us today.
Jen, welcome for your first session. I just saw that in there.
That's awesome.
Luke 12, 7 says,
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
Don't be afraid. You are worth more than sparrows.
I'm remembering as I'm going some of the things that came up in the spirit this afternoon.
Praise the Lord. God is so good to help me remember.
Because there's extra things that I didn't have in my notes.
I want you all this week, this is not one of your activations, but it's an extra.
I want you to start, when you're outside specifically,
I want you to start looking at animals, trees, color.
I want you to start connecting with things God has created.
For example, I love dragonflies and butterflies so much.
They just are such fun creatures.
Dragonflies, if you ever just, they're just all over.
It's just awesome.
They just seem like they have so much life.
I don't know. It's really great.
It just does something in me and helps me remember that there is goodness all around me.
I love when I'm walking.
I was telling the ladies this afternoon,
I want you all to go out and maybe go for a walk.
What do you see?
Not just like, oh, there's the sky.
What color of blue is it?
What smells do you smell?
Do you like the smell?
Do you not like the smell?
Maybe you don't break somebody's whole tree branch off or anything,
but feel a leaf.
Pick a flower, if it's not someone's porch flower, but you know what I'm saying.
Maybe go by a stream and just listen to the water for a little bit.
I want you to pay attention to how it makes you feel.
Do you love birds singing?
Do you love bird watching?
I guess that's like coming back now these days.
That's like a new trend coming.
It's always been around, but I feel like I've heard more and more people talking about it again.
But what is that for you?
I want you to reconnect with your senses.
Part of healing your heart is actually getting to know your heart better.
Connecting with the sounds, the sights, the smells,
that is reconnecting you with your sensory giftings and the abilities that God has given us.
Super important in your healing process.
And I want you to understand what that scripture is saying.
Look at the sparrows.
Look at how beautiful they are.
Even if you don't see sparrows, but whatever the birds are and the sounds that they make
and how beautiful that sound can be, unless it's a squawking kind of bird,
then you're like, get out of here, bird.
But I don't know about you guys, but there's something about when a rooster crows.
When we walk on Wednesday mornings and we walk our property here at the church,
I don't know who has a rooster somewhere in one of the neighborhoods by us,
but early in the morning when the rooster crows, there's something about like, wake up, everybody.
Like it's morning.
It's a new day.
I went on a retreat years ago and they had this.
I don't remember the verse or the song, but it was called Koinonia,
and there was this song about a rooster.
And it was such a fun little song, and maybe that's why I love it.
But also when I was in Haiti years ago, there were roosters, and every morning they would,
same thing, you know, you would hear them crowing and stuff.
And it was just this beautiful, like, awakening of the day.
standing on the top of this building
where we were staying in Haiti and doing my devotions.
And it just brings back sweet memories for me.
Do you see how I just made a connection
to a rooster crowing?
So, oh, how fun, Shakira saw roosters today.
Well, maybe this story is for you
because I didn't tell this story this afternoon.
But again, think about these things,
like a rooster crowing connected
to several memories for me.
So what are the things that you hear
that can connect you to good memories
and help you step further away from the memories
that are not healthy and good for you?
Okay, I'm gonna keep going.
I wanna share a couple other things,
and then we're gonna go into breakout session.
I want you to be, a lot of people will be like,
well, how do I know if I have limited belief systems
or what they are?
If there's anything that leads you
to think that God is not good,
or like I said, that you have to beg for something,
that he only blesses other people and doesn't bless you.
Limited belief systems, it could show up in money too,
but it shows up in every area of our lives, truly.
Like when you look at things,
you tend to see the glass half empty
versus what God, the blessings that God is providing.
Those tend to flow out of these limited belief systems
that we're carrying in our hearts and our souls.
And so I wanna encourage you all to be praying
and asking God to reveal any area
where you have thoughts and heart postures
and mindsets that don't align with heaven.
You know, the Bible talks about thinking on things
that are true, noble, lovely, and of good report,
things that are above only and not beneath.
Like what are the beneath kind of thoughts that you have?
What I mean by that is, you know,
do you think that you're this,
I don't know if this is for someone,
but it's coming up in my spirit.
Do you think that you're dirty
because of a mistake you made in the past?
But God is saying he's cleansed you
when you've repented and turned that over to him.
You know, that's beneath thinking.
Now, there's no shame if that's where you're at,
but I want you to recognize it
and know that God doesn't want you to stay there.
He wants you to heal and get better.
And come out of that place into the fullness
of his presence and truth and life that he has for you.
All right, so here's your breakout question.
What broken heart aspect do you relate
with the most tonight and why?
So the liar, the puzzle, the pretender,
maybe it's a couple of them, maybe it's all of them,
but what broken heart aspect do you relate
to the most tonight and why?
Remember, the liar is, hey, we've got, you know,
the broken heart has all the lies in it.
The puzzle is like that chaos, that confusion,
just being uncertain of yourself a lot, excuse me.
And then that pretender, the mask,
convincing yourself you're good, you've got this,
you don't need anybody, or dare I say,
being, you know, a boss babe.
And, you know, again, like, that's amazing.
I'm successful too, but I know that I need people.
Praise the Lord that I have my husband in my life
and I have friends and a community
and people investing in my life.
All right, so that's what you're gonna talk about.
I'm gonna get the breakout rooms ready for you.
I'm excited for y'all to have this conversation tonight.
I'm gonna give you eight, yeah, eight minutes, that's fine.
All right, go ahead and click those as soon as you can
to get in there and chat.
Get to know each other a little bit as well, ladies, okay?
All right, I'll start to pray
as soon as I get several of these ladies,
people situated here.
So I'm gonna make sure people aren't by themselves.
So, Glenna, by yourself.
Move her.
Oh, shoot.
Lisa?
Yeah, I'm having that same issue
where it just keeps saying the recording has stopped
and it just takes me back.
I don't know why.
I've not had anybody else saying
they're having that issue, it's so weird.
Yeah, it is weird.
Hold on one second.
Sure, no worries.
Rachel, did it pop you out as well?
Oh, you're muted.
It's okay.
If you hover over the bottom of your screen,
I think that's maybe you're trying to figure out
the tech side of things.
If you hover over the bottom of your screen,
let me just move.
I don't know how to get you in the room.
I wish I knew what to do to fix this for you.
you. But what we'll do is I'll just give you an opportunity to share while you're here and I can,
you know, work that through with you just like you would. I just feel bad because you're not
getting the opportunity to connect with your sisters. Do you want to go out of the meeting
and come back in and see if we can fix it this time or do you want to just go ahead and share?
It's totally up to you. I'll try that. Yeah, let's see if we can make it work. Okay.
Let's see. All right, Father, we just thank you so much for this night. God,
I thank you for revealings for healing that are happening. God, I thank you for bringing
truth in the midst of every lie that we have believed. God, I thank you for
just encountering us in a special new way. I thank you, God, for helping us to hear what
your Spirit is saying about us louder than any voice of the enemy. I thank you, God,
for the new story that you're writing for us. I thank you that you are the potter and we're the
clay. God, that you're molding us and making us brand new with care. You're not slopping us
around on that potter's wheel and stuff going everywhere. God, you're intentional and you're
loving us and you're caring in the way that you're molding and making. And even when the
cracks start to come in, God, you don't just chop that part off. Lord, I thank you that you just
soothe that stuff into place. And I just thank you that you would just continue to show us
how you were there for us, even when we didn't know you were there. Lisa, it still didn't.
Oh, that's right. I got to try to put you in a room. Let's see if this will work.
One. All right, let's see if it'll let you go in there. So, Father, we just thank you for continuing
to help us to partner with your truth. I thank you that you would give us upgrades in our
understanding of who you are as love and who you are as hope, peace, goodness, kindness,
faithfulness, gentleness. God, I thank you for inviting us into all truth and anoint us for all
of our lives and walk in calling and that you would lead us deeper into Jesus tonight, into
the revelation of the freedom that he died to give us. I thank you for continuing to lead us into,
I wrote this this afternoon in someone's thing, but it's coming up in my spirit again,
wide open spaces. And God had me say something to her about, I saw this wild horse and I just,
if that resonates for anyone else, I just feel led to release that as well. And I just kept hearing
freedom, freedom for her. And I speak that over all of you as well. Lisa, hi again. Do you want
to go ahead and try to share instead? That way you at least have opportunity. Yeah. And I'm
thinking like maybe if this, I don't know why this has been happening, but if it happens again,
next week, I'm wondering if maybe, I don't know, it's just an idea. Maybe you don't put somebody
else in the room and then we just share here, but then I know you'd be a part of hearing us. So I
don't know. I don't know. I'm just wondering if your goal is to have me connect with community,
that could be one way around the thing. The tricky part is that there's not a room number for the
main room. I can't just put other people in the main room. Does that make sense?
What I'm saying is that you would leave somebody out. So you're not putting them in a room
or, Oh, you mean you don't have that option not to hold, to hold someone back.
Yeah, no, it just puts everybody. I mean, if I sat in planned ahead, if I knew everybody that
was going to be on a session, I could do something like that. But unfortunately,
okay. Yeah. We just do kind of an automated, but if you want to go, you can even wait and
share when everybody comes back. If you want to just listen while I pray or you can share now.
Yeah. I'm, I'm fine either. I mean, I can share, I can, I'm fine either way. I don't I'll share now
if you want it. I just want you to make the choice. I don't want you to go ahead. Yeah,
I know. I could see that. Yeah. So I think for me, actually two things came up. One was I didn't,
I was really surprised because at first I was like, Oh, that's not me. But then the more you
started describing it, I was like, Oh, I think that is me. So it's the number six, you're always
going to have to beg. So I think it really stems from my parents separating when I was 15. And then
I lived with two different families. My last year was a high school and I saw the money provision,
like totally, it was all my dad now. And then what we used to have wasn't there because we were
two family, you know, income, um, both my parents worked. So I think that really started. And I
think it's actually probably been affecting my financial things. I've been very.
pretty hand to mouth my whole life. Some of that is just me
choosing not to work for corporate because I had a really
bad experience with my first job. And so I just said, I'm
never gonna do that again. So I was escaping pain, you know, um,
so I see that not as a judgment. I just I've seen that go through
this course that a lot of the way I deal with stuff is to
avoid pain.
So when you say very hand to mouth, tell me when is the first
time you believed that even though I know it's true, but I
want to understand, when is the first time you partnered with
that?
I think honestly, something came up for me not too long ago
through this course that's coming up right now, which was
I when my parents were still together, I had asked for a
lamp for my birthday. And it was like, for like a living room
lamp, like not like, you know, it was like very adult, right?
If you're gonna have your own home. And my mom had asked me,
I got the lamp. And she'd asked me why I chose that. And I
said, Well, because when I move out, then I'll have it. So I to
be preparing, you know, before the age of 15, for something
like that, I don't know, I don't know if that's, maybe that's
just me being, you know, thinking ahead, I'm definitely
a planner. But I don't know if it comes from that or not. But I
just remember, like, I grew up in a household where I just we
were upper middle class, you know, I'm 60, I'll be 61 in
November, and I just never had to want. And I only started
having to want when I lived with that first family, like I
remember getting a postage stamp. And they told me I would
need to pay for it. And I just, you know, I just wasn't used to
that. I was on a huge learning curve, you know, this family
lived very different than me, like we had to take 10 minute
showers, I didn't grow up like that. It was just, you know,
good or bad, just very different. So I thought,
remind me why you live with those people.
Because my parents split up. So my mom left. Yeah. And then
three months later, my dad got a job promotion, he had to move
to another town. And then he said, you're going to have to
come with one of us. And I was a really good kid until then. And
I said, Well, I'm not going with either of you. I'm going to go
get my own apartment. So it's a long story. But in a nutshell,
that's what happened. And then this family, they my parents
had been talking to them over dinner. And they said, Yeah, we
don't know what we're going to do with Lisa. This is what she's
telling us. And then three days later, they came over to our
house. I didn't know any of this conversation had happened. And
they said they really thought about it. And they would love
for us to come live with them, me for me to come live with
them. So my brother was like best friends with their oldest
son. So we had known them for definitely like 10 years or so.
And our families were the whole neighborhood was very close. I
grew up in a very close knit town.
And how old were you at that time?
Well, it was definitely I was 15. Yeah, I was 15 because I
celebrated my 16th birthday at their house. Okay, I was 15.
Welcome back, everybody. So Lisa has tried so hard the last two
weeks to go into breakout. And for some reason, it keeps
kicking her back out. So I just am letting her share here. So
we'll start additional group shares here in a minute. But I
also give you all activations, but I want to just help her
unpack this a little more. So would you say they were stingy?
Or were they just frugal?
Very frugal, but it was really weird. It was just a big deal
for me because I was so young still, you know, and I really
hadn't experienced life outside of my family. I was only 15. And
I just thought everybody lived like I did. And then I realized
that they didn't. And so, you know, it's like being a study
abroad student, you know, you you have to fit into the
culture, and you have to learn their ways. And it taught in
some ways, it was really good for me, because it it. I think
I was really spoiled, to be honest with you. I think my
parents had their best intentions. But I think it got
to a point where I think the issue was that I never had their
time. And I wanted their time. I didn't want the money. I didn't
want the gifts. I wanted them. And I didn't know how to
articulate that. So it became kind of like nothing was good
enough for me. I got like that.
Okay, so, um, while it was good for you, do you feel at any
point that you resented your parents or them because you had
to live there?
No, no.
I'm just wondering where partnering I do think that, you
know, the lamp that you asked for, I think that as kids, we
do know if our parents have money or don't have money, or
that at some point, we might need to take care of ourselves.
So if you sensed in some way that your parents something was
going on with your parents, you might have already been starting
to ask for things to prepare for what you felt in your your
spirit, what was coming. So even that can be
Protection mechanisms coming into play whether we realize it or not
And so I wouldn't just encourage you to pray into the lamp
You know the fact that you asked for a lamp and asked the Lord to reveal to you
Was it just because you wanted something and you were a planner or Lord? Was it because I sensed something was coming
that I was preparing for
Like myself to be taken care of and just see what the Lord brings to you and then about that family, you know
Yeah, I think that we can all learn a lot through going through different shifts of different environments and things like that
But I just want to encourage you to pray because that also came up tonight for a reason
I believe that and so just pray and ask the Lord. Is there anything Lord that needs revealed regarding?
You know some of the mindsets that I picked up
During the time of being with that family because while yes, God calls us to be good stewards of our money
I was reading this afternoon in that same book and it was talking about
Wealth isn't about just having a lot of money you all I
Don't know if you know that
But wealthy mindsets start in our heart
Living in abundant
Mindsets starts in our heart and then when we live and have abundant
Mindsets in our heart and and mind and our soul and our spirit then that starts to shift things in the physical realm. And so
Sometimes what can happen is we get
Kind of in a rut if you will because of certain other mindsets that we've picked up
Again, it's amazing and good to be frugal and to kind of have limits on how much you know
People are spending in things
but when you said and I'm not judging this at all and I understand it because I I
Had my two spiritual daughters and they could take some massively long showers you all I would be knocking on the door girls
Come on
Come on out of there. But um
But the fact that you had timed showers
you know, even if it wasn't official like but just
You know again, that's just a small thing. I'm not saying that's bad
But let's let's just take a look at it and see where the lord leads you with that. Okay
Yeah, and that was the family I lived with that had the timed showers
Yeah, and then one other thing I just want to add super quick because I think it all ties together
Is that I also identified with number seven, which was if they really knew me
they wouldn't like me love me or choose me and I think that is super a lot of abandonment from
the way our family split up because
It just felt like I wasn't good enough to take with them even though
I was the one saying i'm gonna go get my own apartment
I'm, not gonna go with either one of you, right?
But I think I needed a parent to say lisa
I'm, sorry, but you're gonna have to come you know, you're gonna have to choose
100 and then them saying hey, I want you to come with me
Yeah, and the fact that you were put in that position
In and of itself because your parents were splitting is super hard and you went into protector mode
That's why that's why you most likely did that
Yeah, yeah. So anyway, i'll pray into both of those and thank you for listening everyone
Yeah, you're welcome. So glad that you shared appreciate you
All right, leslie go. Oh, let me do the activations real quick so that I don't forget and have to rush later
So this week we have two number one is shifting into positive ladies. Okay, so I want you to practice
Seeing the gold in yourself
And seeing the gold in other people
So basically asking god lord
Will you help me see the gold in myself this week to see the good and not the negative?
Yeah, we need to know the things where we need to grow but we need to see the good stuff too celebrating ourselves
But also I really want you to pray about seeing the gold and other people even the people that have hurt you
Okay. Now this doesn't mean you need to go back into relationship with them or any of that stuff
I'm, just saying ask god to show you the gold in them
To help you have compassion for them
again, it doesn't mean you have to
Be good with the way things were but shifting in our hearts is important
Okay, then come into the group and tell us about what god has shown you these don't have to be long posts ladies
You know, they can be short brief and powerful and just tell us what god is doing in you number two activation is play
We're gonna have some play time this week. We want to activate fun
we want to let the little girl on the inside of us come out and and and really enjoy life, so
Whatever you have to do to connect with the fun
Silly side of you some of you may not have allowed that person to ever come out
Some of you may have wanted that to come out
But it was pressed down by other people or because of trauma that you went through
Like some of you may not even feel like you had a childhood
So you might be learning for the first time how to have fun during this process
So this might look different for everybody, but I want you to let go of rules. Okay?
Now don't get crazy. I'm not saying go out and party
But I want you, you know, do you understand what I mean?
Sometimes we have this like oh, I want to try this and then the rule like no
You're not good at that or you should try it at another time or you don't have you know
Like that person comes out to play as well and we got to put that one away
So maybe it's a pajama party with your girlfriends, yes, I said pajama party invite your girlfriends over hang out
Talk if you don't have girlfriends
Then maybe just go do something fun
That is out and about in the you know, the world around other people but pray into that
Okay, see what that looks like. Maybe it's climbing a tree. Maybe it's swinging on a swing. Maybe it's going down a slide
Yes things that you did that awaken again
Awake awake Oh sleeper and rise up from the dead and then Christ will shine on you
So what is that stuff in us that needs to come out?
Maybe it's going on an adventure that you've been wanting to go on but you keep saying I'm gonna wait until I get married
I'm gonna wait until I mean, you know, but like you're really wanting to do this thing
So let's pray and start planning to go on that adventure and some of you can do it right now
And doesn't always have to take a lot of money ladies. Okay?
Explore new places experience new things. Maybe you want to take a cooking class. Maybe you want to take a salsa
Learn how to salsa y'all. We're about to on the Austin retreat. We're about to learn how to two-step. I can't wait
I bought some really cute gold boots. I've never had cowgirl boots, but I have some now I can't wait
You know, but these are fun things, you know, we we can have fun enjoy life and it can experience and excuse me
it can cause an experience in a
Rising up in us in a way that maybe we haven't experienced in a long time. Okay. So here's the thing
I want pictures. I want evidence, you know that song, you know evidence that God's goodness is all over our life by Josh Baldwin
So awesome. It's one of my favorites right now. I want evidence of your fun
So whatever you go to do fun, maybe fun for you is going and just being peaceful and just watching
Kids play or you know by a river like I said earlier
But come into the group share your photo of what your fun thing was and if you can
You know do a selfie where we can actually see you doing that fun thing
alright
Awesome. All right, Leslie, you're up
Okay, so I identified with liar
and
I guess I need a little bit of help with this. So
Being
born
With ADD and being messy. Those are hard things
to not feel defective
So that would be the lie
I'm doing better with the ADD. That used to be something that caused a lot of shame for me because
You know people kind of look at you like
You're sort of a dumb blonde kind of thing
So I I'm doing much better with that one, but the messy is really hard
And I'm just wondering
like do you just
move forward with having compassion for yourself because
Man, the organization or lack of organization drives me a little insane
Talk to you about this before have we okay
So when is the first time you can remember feeling like your space was disorganized
Well, I don't think my mom's organized so I don't think it came up until my teen years now
I can go back and tell you that she said to me
I was an extremely messy eater when I was a baby and she worried that that would never change
Now, of course, I don't have recollection of that
But by teen years
When she'd say and I want you guys to clean your bedrooms and 30 minutes
My sister's half of the bedroom looked like better homes and garden. That's what I nicknamed her and
I would take
everything
Let's see. How did I do it?
I
Just would get overwhelmed. I couldn't figure out where to put stuff and there wasn't a lot of stuff now
there's a lot of stuff but I would take everything and put it on my bed and then at night I would put it on
the floor and it never really got
put wherever it was supposed to go because
That's not how my brain works
Okay, and so let me ask you a question
It's interesting that you called your sister better homes and gardens and your mom was also a very organized person. So did you?
Did they make comments?
about your inability to clean or your struggle with it?
I mean, definitely over the years, you know,
being messy.
In fact, my sister couldn't stand rooming with me
because of that, because she wanted her space,
you know, the room that I shared with her,
she wanted it organized.
So yeah, a lot of stuff has been said over the years.
And yeah, and it's, I mean, it plagues me to this day,
you know, and it does affect, you know,
it definitely feels like something I have to hide
because like, who wants to live with somebody that's messy?
It created huge issues in my first marriage
because he has to have everything just so.
And so he would become very angry
because of the messes and, you know.
Okay, let me ask you a question.
Yes.
When's the first time you judged yourself for being messy?
Oh, that is a really good question.
Like even what you described is when y'all
would have to clean, you would start to feel overwhelmed.
Yeah, I would be very discouraged with myself
because I didn't understand.
Did you ever ask for help, like, and voice your mom?
Like when I have to clean, I just get overwhelmed
and I don't even know what to do.
Like, do you remember ever saying that or?
No, but now that I think of it,
I wish she would have maybe imparted something
because when your brain doesn't work that way,
it just feels like, like I can, right now,
like if my house is a mess, my ex-husband,
the one that couldn't stand my messes,
he lives right next door to me.
He'll come over and I just need to borrow his brain.
Like I can do all the work, but he'll say,
cause he thinks very methodically.
Okay, I want you to start here.
Then I want you to put all this stuff away
because left on my own, especially with my focusing issues,
I'm chasing the next squirrel, you know,
like it doesn't go systematically.
So it never really looks like you get anything done.
Yeah.
So, okay, one, I'm making some connections here.
When you were describing about the ADD,
you said people look at you like you're a dumb blonde.
I think that's an interesting description of ADD
and how you felt.
And so I'm curious,
when is the first time that you felt dumb?
I've definitely felt dumb in school
because I didn't understand,
like I do have intelligence,
but I didn't understand why everything took me so long.
Like-
And did you get counseling or anything for that?
Did your parents get help for you?
No, the only,
here's what my mom did that was very smart.
So by the time I moved from elementary school
to middle school,
I got put in with the dumb kids
that were like throwing spit balls
and screaming and yelling.
And I came home and told my mom
and she called the school and she said,
why do you have her in that class?
And they said, well, because she works slow.
And they said, my mom said, well, what are her grades?
And they said, A's and B's.
She said, get her out of that classroom.
It was the best thing she could ever done
because I probably,
I mean, I have a master's degree.
I would have never gone to college
had she left me in that class
because I would have felt stupider than, you know.
Yeah.
So it's interesting.
The word dumb has come up several times.
And so I'm asking you all these questions
to lead you back to kind of the core.
Is I hear that at some point you partnered with
A, not liking yourself,
B, feeling dumb and labeled yourself that way.
And then you got put in the dumb class.
I think that's how you described that class.
Yeah.
Even though your mom got you out of there,
I'm wondering if your feelings like in that moment,
like, you know, this is how the enemy works.
Something happens and then the enemy's like,
see, told you you were dumb
because you got put in the dumb class.
Even though you were smart
and your mom got you out of there,
that still reinforces the lie
that you were already believing.
Oh yeah.
And I do remember really young,
this would be before fourth grade,
being in a music class in private school.
And I did not understand what she was talking about
because I just didn't have a background in it.
And so I raised my hand and asked for clarification.
And of course she just said,
basically taught me.
the same thing that she was, you know, and so then I thought, well, I'm not raising my hand anymore,
because that's gonna make me look dumb. I don't understand it. It sounds like a Greek language.
It was some kind of music theory. You know, I think it started before this time, Leslie,
because again, like every time you describe how you were thinking, and this is really important.
I'm so glad that we're having this conversation. But even in that you said, I'm not going to raise
my hand again, because it just makes me look dumb. Yep. So for you to have that thought,
at that point, you already thought it. Yeah. Yeah. I want to encourage you to ask the Lord,
when is the first time you partnered with I am dumb. Okay. And then also I am messy. Those are
two significant things coming up over and over tonight in what you're sharing. And I know that's
you wanted to talk about, but it's it's more rooted in you than you realize. And the great
thing is that this can change, I want to give you hope, like both of these things can change.
And even though you've gotten a master's degree, I know that you know, you're smart, because you
wouldn't be able to accomplish that. But here's the thing, if your inner tape is still telling
you that you're dumb, even though you have a degree, you will still show up internally,
like, believing that you're dumb. And that will project into your relationships. And you will,
even when you're around other people, you will minimize yourself because your internal messaging
is, I'm not as smart as these other people. Yeah, I remember a guy that I met off of
Harmony. And he said, when we were breaking up, he said to me,
with the next guy, don't tell him all the stuff that's wrong with you.
That is great advice. Good guy right there, even though he might not have been your guy,
who knows, right? Like, that's him being really kind to you. That's God kind God's kindness
through that man saying, Hey, you don't need to tell us all the things you think are wrong.
Guys don't want to hear are like, that's all insecurity. That's what that is. Yeah, yeah.
And so the reality is, is you like, I understand why you said this phrase, I just need his brain.
About about your ex, I just, I just need his brain. I understand why you said that,
but I don't want you to partner with that anymore. Okay. Because you have an amazing brain,
it might not function the way that other people's brains do, but you still have an incredible brain.
And you have learned how to accomplish really awesome things from what I hear you saying.
But there's some areas that maybe you just need to learn how to train your brain to do some other
things like, you know, the organization, or maybe it's, you know, once a month, making a, you know,
making a list that helps you follow the list of what to do. You know, it's okay. Like, for example,
I will tell you when I first got married, I wasn't used to this, you all, but, um, I can look around
and see what needs cleaned. Not that I'm y'all, I still work at this too, but my husband, which
it sounds like kind of what you struggle with. My husband is like, I can't do that. I need you
to make me a list of what you want cleaned. And I'm like, what, like, just clean, just clean,
you know, because I didn't understand what, like, because that isn't how I think. But when I was
willing to like, make the list and be like, okay, can you help me with this and this and this,
he's like, able to do it and willing, you know, and everybody's different. It doesn't mean,
and he's super smart. Like it's, it has nothing to do with our level of intelligence. It's just
his mom didn't have a super organized home. Now it sounds like your mom did, but what can happen
sometimes in those environment, because again, you, you labeled your sister better homes and gardens.
So I'm going to guess you compared yourself to her and thought she was better.
Oh, a thousand percent in that capacity. Yes. Okay. So there's another identity,
like fracture. Okay. All right. So be praying into this, see what God shows you about the
first time you believed that you were dumb and partnered with that the first time you,
you know, believe the lie that you're just a messy person. You know, and again, yeah,
it could be the story that your mom told you, but I want, I want God to show it to you. Okay.
Because that revelation is going to be really important. And then come in the group and let
us know what you hear. And it might just happen over time. So don't, you know, feel.
any stress if it doesn't come right away, okay?
Just one other little real quick interesting piece
is I can organize other people's stuff, but not my own.
Yes, very interesting.
Yeah, and a lot of times, ladies, this is the reality.
How many of us are really good at helping everybody else,
but we don't put the oxygen mask on ourselves
a lot of the time, isn't that true?
So look at how this shows up in our lives in different ways.
So thank you, Leslie, for sharing.
Let's pray into that too.
And really ask the Lord,
what is it that you're really avoiding?
You know, when you don't take care of your own things,
but can organize other people's.
Because I think avoidance, you know, is a root thing there.
And avoidance is one of the self-protection mechanisms.
Okay.
Okay?
Okay.
All right, awesome.
Thank you for sharing.
Megan, Gaston, go ahead.
Hi, I wanted to share,
I was kind of processing a little bit
with the first part that you shared about somebody
and like your blocking and stuff
and like your heartache and that kind of thing.
I went through something a couple of weeks ago
where this friend of mine was asking about a situation
I was in, some things that I was dealing with
with my roommate.
And I was being honest about the situation.
And she kind of like belittled me
and just said that the unity of the group was most important
and that I should only care about my own feelings.
But then told me that I needed to be a leader
towards my roommate and all this stuff.
And in the moment, I felt a lot of like shame
and I felt like putting myself down.
But then when I like processed it with some other people,
I kind of realized that she was very much
like spiritually twisting words and there was so much shame.
And I just felt like it wasn't right.
And I've trusted this person and consider it as a good friend
but now I feel like trust is broken.
And so I'm kind of, I've been kind
but I'm trying to like have the balance
between not necessarily like walls up
but like having boundaries.
So I'm trying to like figure that out and not be hardened
but it did hurt really bad.
But the biggest thing I'm looking at it
and like based upon the things that you shared tonight
about like the lies and the puzzle
and the like the mask and stuff is I can see like all three
but the biggest thing that's consistent
is being dismissive towards myself.
Okay, dismissive towards yourself.
Do you feel like,
cause I feel like I do remember you mentioning her
and you were saying you felt belittled by her.
And I feel like I remember you feeling that way
like someone else was treating you that way too.
Do you feel like other people are dismissive towards you?
Yeah, and then I think then I also then put that on myself.
Like I always like when someone gives like criticism
or anything, my first thought is like, what did I do wrong?
Like I'm always putting myself down
and it's not then until I talk with someone else
then I'm like, no wait, I actually might be the victim here.
And like, I'm very much like that
with things that happened with my ex.
There was a lot of not great stuff.
He had very narcissistic tendencies.
He had just a lot of mental abuse
and emotional and very crazy.
But I think I sometimes just dismiss that so much
that I don't realize like how bad it was in some ways.
And like, he tried to come back in again,
didn't let him kind of let him know like, no, this is done.
And like, I've done a lot of work since then,
but it's just like, there's this constant theme
of like dismissing things I've gone through
or like even what God wants to do.
Like this weekend was kind of hard too
because on Saturday it was like,
the enemy came really hard
and like try to like put like depressive thoughts.
And I'm like, no, that's not who I am.
I'm not going back to that place.
Like it's been like four and a half years
since I was in that kind of state.
And it's like, I know doing the hard work
is opening up a lot of things.
And like the biggest area I felt that it was in singleness.
So it's like, you know, I'm not digging,
it's just coming up, but it was just hard.
A couple of things you were asking about
or talking about that I just want to make sure.
So, excuse me, in this situation, what you're sharing,
I think it's good.
for you to be cautious with this friend, you know, in the way they spoke to you.
And there is a difference between us putting up walls and just, you know, having discernment
and being cautious and walking in wisdom with people, especially if they tend to be harsh
or put us down in the process.
One of the other things that kept coming up as you were talking is, and this would be
a different than the silhouette.
So when I describe it, I don't want you to think it's the same as the silhouette.
I think that you need a, like, what's the truth about me paper, like where you just
write on an eight and a half by 11 sheet of paper, like, what is the truth about me?
And where you really sit down with the Lord and process that out and that you put that
up somewhere so that when these kinds of situations happen, or just every day that you can remind
yourself of who you are, okay.
Because what can happen is when we don't know who we are, then anytime anybody else comes
into our life, like the ex or this friend, or the roommate, and they say things to us,
we're automatically feeling like this turbulence and tossed around, like, wait a minute, who
am I?
Am I that way?
Am I, you know, and because that's how it was with my ex, like, I literally would walk
away from conversations, like, what the heck just happened?
Like, yeah, all I was trying to do was talk about the clothes being folded.
Like literally, it would be that simple sometimes.
And it would turn into this big thing that would be in circles.
And he would tell me all the time, you just always judge me, you just always, I'm like,
no, like, I literally was just trying to figure out, like, who's taking care of what in the
house, like, who's gonna work on what?
Literally, it was that simple.
But because of the way that he kind of did it, I always walked away thinking something
was wrong with me.
I needed to fix myself.
I needed to be better.
I needed to be kinder.
I needed to be, you know, and again, I'm not saying there was never anything I could like
that I, there was, how am I going to say this?
It doesn't mean that there wasn't things I couldn't work on or grow in.
But typically, even when he was cheating on me, somehow it always ended up being my
fault.
Strange, right?
So, let's look at these, let's look at these situations and get to the core of, okay, if
you're dismissing yourself, okay, when did that start?
When did you first start dismissing yourself?
Because ladies, if we dismiss ourselves, guess what?
We are going to attract other people that dismiss us too and don't value our words or
our feelings.
So, kind of like that situation I was talking about with my brother too.
Like when I had emotions or feelings and he's like, don't do that, you know, pull yourself
together.
Well, think about times when maybe you had feelings or thoughts where you were or a situation
happened and you really dismissed your own ideas, your own thoughts.
And then the flip side of that is that truth about you.
So, you know, what is the truth about you?
How do you respond in situations, you know, where you really, again, think that through
and put some things on paper.
And even if you have a hard time with it, just start.
And then, you know, if you need help, you can come in and share in the group what you've
written and then like, just let us know where you're stuck and we can help you go from there.
Okay?
Okay.
Oh, can I ask one thing?
That one friend though, keeps trying to like, want to like, connect.
The one that belittled you?
Yeah.
And I'm having a hard time, like, a part of me, like, I don't know if it's like, defense
mechanism of like, what's the word I'm looking for?
Like, just like, not avoidant.
That's what I'm looking for.
Sorry.
Just like, I don't even want to do it.
But like, I just feel like there's even a bit of like, a monitoring spirit because she
wants to know everything that's going on with me.
But I'm like, really trying to be like, no, like, I'm good.
I'm not wanting to share much.
I'll listen to you, but I just don't feel safe.
Well, it's okay for you to not feel like getting together with her right now.
I mean, even with that woman that I was talking to you about, the reality is, is I do, I need
space to process how I was feeling and that's okay.
That really is okay.
And if you're feeling like there's a monitoring spirit with her, maybe she's trying to mother
you.
Okay?
And you don't need a mother, you need a friend.
And so you can just let her know like, hey, I'm doing really good.
You know, I'm not able to get together right now, but look forward to catching up another
time.
And you just leave the door like, kind of open then.
And it's not saying you're going to get together in another week or whatever.
It's just another time.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Yeah, my pleasure.
Is it Kanye?
Did I say it right?
Um you can call me Connie. Connie awesome. Yes um yeah okay so we go to my notes um the out of the
three that you had mentioned before we went to the breakouts and this is something uh obviously
I discussed in the breakouts was I mean I didn't actually get the liar or the puzzler definitions
written down but after I heard you talk about the mask that one I feel like I resonated with
the most anyway um so I kind of just went with that one and uh I feel at least this is what I
kind of said in the breakout that um definitely when I was like growing up I grew up in that you
know boss babe era whatever it is and so that was something that I always thought was like oh the
ideal something to achieve and even you know my parents were encouraging me around that route and
they're they're great people great parents but um you know wanted us to you know go to school get a
good education get a good job take care of yourself so you don't need to depend on xyz and so I feel
like uh just the kind of child I was I was like yeah I'm gonna do everything that people tell me
to do like whatever my parents are telling me is the right thing to do I want to do it and so
um I think I I became hyper independent maybe or just I don't know yeah very very independent I
think um to the point where I do think I it's hard for me to ask for for help and so a lot of times
um I think um if I'm confronted with areas of my life where especially relationally where it's like
okay I'm not doing so well but I'm like well at least I have all these other things that I've
achieved um and I guess that's maybe kind of the mask that I would wear is um not yeah struggling
to open up and then also maybe leaning into the other things I've been able to do in my life
as the identity when they're not really I don't know if that makes sense but
it does it does a couple things um so when do you tend to struggle to open up the most like
what is the normal topic that you struggle with or is it in like any topic um
I guess it could be any it could be anything it depends on the scenario I suppose um I feel like
with certain people maybe I struggle to uh be 100% authentic and speak what I really feel
and then um other times when I maybe am with people that I um that I know have like maybe
similar views as me I still struggle to maybe articulate myself even though I know I can but
um yeah I don't know I feel like it's a wide range of scenarios yeah that's okay um that helps me um
so on the hyper independence um this is one of the things that I I tell people and encourage
y'all to do if you struggle with a lot of independence this hyper independence and
partnering with all that um Jackie said this years ago I wrote it on a post-it note put it
up in my bathroom and prayed it over myself daily um and this is what it what it said something like
this I come out of agreement with um independence come out of agreement with independence and I come
into agreement with um interdependence on you god okay I come out of agreement with independence
I come into agreement with interdependence on you god so basically you're agreeing that you need
god's help okay and when we start agreeing with the truth that we need god's help it also helps
us start to agree with the truth that we need people's help and that god created us for community
he created us for connection um when you said it's hard for me to ask for help I believe that's
probably true but I want to encourage you not to partner with that statement anymore okay I want you
to partner with I can ask I Connie can ask for help anytime and I will choose to ask people for
help in the days ahead and here's how you're going to practice doing that I love to give this this is
my favorite assignments to give out to y'all when you have this struggle because it helped me um so
I want you to pray this week and ask the lord um yeah I think I can't remember Shakira I might
have given it to you I want you to ask the lord um who is someone that I need to ask to help me
this week and what do I need to ask them to help me with oh boy even if you can do it yourself
if god shows you something that you need to ask somebody for help
you just need to follow through on that and you may not even fully
you understand what all it's going to lead to or how it's going to help you break free.
But genuinely, you need to practice this on a regular basis right in this season and really
going forward, but especially in your heartwork season because and while I think it's amazing,
you know, as I said, you know, being independent and learning how to take care of yourself
is amazing, but it teaches us some things that really make it tough to be a partner
with someone.
Because if we believe we don't need anybody, which is what independence is, well, how are
we going to be a partner with someone?
Because we actually don't even think we need them because that's what we tell ourselves.
But that also comes from woundedness.
Okay.
And we can have amazing parents, but still feel lonely.
We can feel, you know, like, like you're saying, I'm struggling to open up with people and
I'm asking you, okay, are there certain topics you're like really on any topic, but especially,
you know, around certain people.
So what that's telling me is that at some point in your life, you probably started not
feeling comfortable around other people sharing your authentic self.
So I don't, were you, you seem very kind of like organized kind of person.
Were you kind of adventurous and flittery and kind of, you know, innovative when you
were younger?
Or were you more rigid and kind of structured?
No, I think I was like, you know, an average energetic kid who was, you know, all over
the place.
Okay, so how was that?
How was that received?
I mean, yeah, like, so I had strict parents, but like, I could go outside and run around,
but you know, whatever, you know, whether we were in church or whether at other people's
houses or anything like that, I feel like me and my sisters, we're always very hyper
aware of our behavior and all that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
So I feel like I'm hearing some, some feedback, so let me just, Oh, I might've just accidentally
muted you.
Hold on one second.
I'm just getting feedback from someone else.
All right.
Sorry.
You can unmute yourself again.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, okay.
So here's the thing.
That's going to be a key part of this too, because, and I, you know, I, I agree.
Like when your kids are dressed up, you don't want them to get their dresses dirty and all
the things.
And so even as a parent myself, like I totally get it, but the reality is, is, and we have
this happen.
We have this big gymnasium.
That's where we hold service right now because our church burnt down.
And it's under construction right now, this whole big story.
And we have these amazing kiddos in our church right now and their, their grandma was visiting
the one day and the kids were running around like we, I mean, I don't know if we'll always
let them run around in the sanctuary in our new church, but this is a gym.
It's like, it's, they're not going to hurt anything.
So we just let them run and their parents let them run.
It's not a big deal.
But when grandma was visiting, they got in trouble for running, you know?
Um, and I just kind of chuckled because she's a very stern person.
She's kind, but she's very stern, not very, um, relational person.
And so I really want to encourage you to pray into, um, any areas where, you know, again,
you can appreciate your parents and the way they raised you, but like, were there any
areas where you felt stunted in your personality and your adventure side that needs some healing,
you know, where that person needs to be able to come out?
Um, cause even in that, you know, we can kind of shut down and not like, basically feel
like we really can't let our authentic self out.
Now again, you all, this is, you know, of course, within reason, we don't need to walk
into a room that's quiet and be like, you know, like, obviously, I'm not, I'm not, I'm
not going to say our parents are going to be like, Hey, you know, there's a show going
on in here.
So we got to be quiet.
But like when those things don't matter and we're not allowed to just run and be kids
that tells us something as children.
And those are some things we need to pay attention to.
So I want to encourage you to pray into a couple of those things and then pray about
who you need to ask to help you and come in the group.
I always love hearing how this goes for you all.
Some people really struggle with it and then other people embrace it.
And God has done some really, really cool things through people asking for help.
Okay.
So just trust that and, and walk in that.
And we look forward to hearing how it goes.
Thanks for sharing.
Yeah.
Appreciate you.
All right.
Let's see.
Just so y'all know, it's nine 40.
I know we're after 10 minutes.
If you need to hop off, we totally understand.
I will take two more people.
I'm not gonna be able to do, I see five other people.
So if I don't get to you tonight,
please come into the group and post in there
what you were gonna share here tonight.
I'm gonna have Alice and then Chrissy go.
So Rachel, Catherine, and Yash,
would you guys come into the group and post in there
and I can respond to you all there
either tonight or in the morning tomorrow.
Okay, Alice, go ahead.
Hi, Bethany.
So my broken heart issue is it's the liar.
And there is a combination I think of insignificant,
don't matter, and then that I have to beg.
And the third one feels sometimes very true
when I think about God,
but then I try to talk myself out of it
by looking at what he's been doing.
But I'm having a really hard time.
Yeah, when you were little,
I can't remember if I've ever asked you this before, Alice,
when you were little, did you feel like you could crawl up
in your parents' lap and get comfort?
I could do that with my mom.
I could never do that with my father.
He wasn't there.
And yeah, I mean, that was a big,
I mean, the abandonment issues, yes.
And feeling completely insignificant as well, yeah.
Yeah, so that's where that connector's
having a hard time regarding God
because we project oftentimes,
especially when it's our father,
onto the Lord the way that we were treated
with our biological parents.
And again, because it's your father
that's even more what gets projected.
And so one of the things that I will say
is as you continue to heal,
it will continue to get better, okay?
You're rewriting the wiring of your brain right now.
Ladies, I hope you all understand this.
This is not like we can't just flip a switch
and all this stuff just goes away.
Now, God will sometimes supernaturally
just deliver us from some things, okay?
That does happen sometimes.
But there's a lot of times where the deliverance comes
because you're walking through it, okay?
And you're learning how to develop your muscles
into not just name it, claim it,
but you actually believe it in your heart
because you've been healing.
And you're like, oh my gosh, I'm thinking different.
I'm believing different.
And you start to feel that difference in yourself.
And so give yourselves a lot of grace in this process.
That's really important.
I wanna ask you too, Alice,
when is the first time,
and maybe it had to do with your dad,
maybe it had to do with something else, I'm not sure.
But when is the first time
you remember feeling insignificant?
I do remember one thing with my father.
My mom and my father, they were already divorced.
And I was with my mom and we were visiting another city
and it just happened that we saw
my father walking towards us.
And it wasn't planned.
And I mean, I was overjoyed to see him
because I never got to visit with him.
And I remember that while walking,
we went into this bookstore and I was,
I loved atlases.
So there was an atlas and it was like a hundred lei,
which is like, I don't know, maybe $15, $20,
something like that.
It was pretty expensive.
And I asked if he would not mind buying it for me.
And he said that, no, that it was very expensive.
And anyway, again, it happened that my father
When we were getting dinner, he was, he got, he was eating dinner at the same restaurant.
Um, he came in and he joined friends and he gave the waiter a hundred
dollar bill just for wine alone.
And I, it crushed me.
I was like, you have money for alcohol, but you don't have money to buy me a
book and you never see me, you know, I didn't say anything to him.
I was maybe, I don't know, six or seven.
Um, but it, it stayed with me, you know?
Yeah.
Um, so have you ever forgiven your dad for doing that?
I, I did.
Um, it's, it's just, I feel like God is doing the same.
You feel like God is doing the same, like he's spending money on other things,
but he's not giving you things.
So what is it?
What is it?
What is it that God is withholding from you?
Well, you already know that I have not been on, on, I'm on non-pay since May.
And get, I'm applying, I'm looking for jobs.
I'm not getting anywhere.
Finances are tough.
I'm having, I was telling the ladies in the group that my, myself, my, my
persona, my home are being threatened by this crazy guy that showed up once in
my life as coming for pest control.
And it's just, he's harassing me.
He's no longer with the pest control with just praying for bugs.
Right.
Cause I live in the middle of the forest here.
And, um, he's texting me from unknown numbers and telling
me that he wants to come over.
And so you live out in the country by yourself.
Okay.
Can you do me a favor?
Yeah.
He's just FYI.
If that kind of stuff ever happens, you call your local
sheriff's office or department.
But I don't have his full name and his company won't give it to me.
You know, that's okay.
You just let them know what's happening and ask them how you can just at least
make it known that this person, and you just need his name and the company that
he works for has come to your home and done a pest inspection and is now harassing you.
Okay.
Super important.
So I did, I contact, I contact the sheriff department, spoke with the
reception, whoever takes the calls.
But they said that unless I have their full name, they can't write down the
complaint.
So I went, I mean, I announced it to my neighbors and got into expense
and purchased some cameras.
It's just safety.
I don't feel safe for the first time in my own home.
And I'm asking God, I, and I'm, you know, we were, I bought, you know, you know,
like a thing to feel like a princess and I've just, I don't understand why, you
know, God told me that through this job that I went through, I've been able to
minister to a lot of people, but I have asking him, how much more do I need to
go and how many trials are enough and sufficient for him to be able for me to
see a breakthrough.
Yeah.
So here's the thing, ladies, this is where it gets really tough.
Okay.
Alice, I'm sorry that this man is harassing you.
I'm glad that you called the police department.
Um, I would encourage any of y'all ever in this situation, um, to have someone
that's not you call the company and see if you can find out what his last name is.
It doesn't need to be you that calls that company can be someone else.
Okay.
And, uh, and then if you get that last name, then you can report that then.
Okay.
Um, but the reason I kind of like just want you all to dial in here is, is God
is not doing this to her.
Okay.
Super important.
And I'm not saying she's saying that I just want everyone to understand and God
is.
not asking you to go through suffering so that you can have a huge testimony.
Now, the enemy will do things in our lives, and yes, God can take all of that pain and turn it
into purpose, but the reality is, is God gives man free will. Why does he do that? Does anyone
know why God gives all of us free will? Because he's not a dictator, because he loves us, everyone.
Unfortunately, some people do bad things, hurtful things with their free will.
And I know that's hard for us sometimes to just process that and think about it,
but I want to encourage you all to not partner with God is not taking care of me.
So, Alice, when these things are happening, I don't want you just to deflect and tell yourself
you're fine, okay? I'm glad that you're telling us this tonight so that we can keep working through
this, and I don't know that there's going to be a quick, easy fix for this stuff,
but I do believe that God is looking out for you.
He's placed these friends around you that you can reach out to. I believe that God will
provide a way out of this situation. I do believe that God will provide a job for you. I don't know
why that right job hasn't come along yet, but what I do know is that God will lead you into the
job that He has for you and that is best for you. You know, ladies, sometimes we do have to
get innovative, okay? We might, and I'm not, I can't remember exactly if you've already moved
or anything, but I'm just putting this out there, Alice, not just for you, but other ladies in here
too. You know, sometimes we might have to like, okay, Lord, like, do I need to move? Just save
some money right now. Do I need to, you know, room with a friend? And I know that can feel like
we're going backwards, but do you all remember Alexandra? She was, she just moved into phase two
a couple weeks ago. She had bought a house. Her parents and family were super proud of her,
but she was feeling like God was leading her to sell that house, to put it on the market
and buy an apartment because that was actually more affordable for her in this season. And she
was wrestling with whether or not to make that decision because she didn't want to disappoint
her family. She didn't want to feel like she was going backwards. Well, here's the reality.
If we are improving our life financially by choosing to downsize or to, and get this, you all,
she wanted to be in the city. The house that she picked, she loved it for that season. It
was great for her dogs, but she didn't have a lot of people to hang out with.
So sometimes we hang on to things because, and she kept saying it,
she didn't want to disappoint her family. And that was the core of it.
So sometimes, sometimes we need to really ask God, God, you know, how do you want to lead me
out of this situation? Is there something that you want me to shift or to do? You know,
is there someone new that you want to lead me to meet? You know, are we getting out and about,
not just, you know, and again, Alice, I don't know what all you've done, but I remember
years ago, you all before, and this is long before, long, long before I met Brian,
I used to live in Ohio and I knew God was leading me to Kentucky. And I was sitting in Ohio in my
bedroom, applying for jobs online. And I was applying for jobs. And I believe I was doing
my best to be effective. But then one day God was like, do you remember the first job you ever
got Bethany? I'm like, yep. And he was like, how did you get that? First job I ever, the first
real job I ever got, I had jobs before this, but my first grownup job that I ever got, I got it by
going to a staffing agency. And I interviewed with the staffing agency, and they were able to get me
a job like that. You all, why, why were they able to do that? Well, because I was qualified and all
this, but also they have this whole like network of companies that would have taken me so much time.
So I remembered that and I'm like, Oh my gosh, that was, that was actually a good experience.
And yeah, I didn't make quite as much in the beginning because I had to use that service
and they got a cut, but like I had this great job.
So I decided when I went to Kentucky the next time I'm going to go to staffing agency and
I'm going to meet with them and just see if that's what God wants to do.
I did that you all, because I knew that's what God was leading me to do.
I went and met with those people and I'm not joking.
I drove back two days later to Kentucky, or excuse me, to Ohio.
I was not even back two hours and I got a phone call about a job that I could literally
start a day from that time.
I'm not saying it's always going to work out that way, but I want you all to see sometimes
we're trying to do it all in our own strength and sometimes we need to like, okay, how can
I get myself into a network of people?
How can I like expand my ability of how, like, do I need to learn a new skill?
Do I, you know, like again, like I'm not saying she hasn't tried these things, but I want
us to not be in victim mode.
And how can we like trust God to give us solutions to the problem because he doesn't have problems.
And so Alice, I want to invite you into that.
I want to encourage you to pray into that.
Again, I'm not saying it's easy.
This is tough and I acknowledge that and I'm so sorry that you're in this season.
You know, but I believe that God will provide a way out for you regarding your job.
I do want you to be careful about this guy.
It's interesting.
I'm not going to read what someone private messaged me, but I had this thought and I
do feel led to ask you this.
Have you ever had anybody come and pray over your home and anoint it?
I did that via phone.
There was a witch that lived here.
I know because I found the new age little mirrors and stuff about the house.
So you you did that by phone.
Is that what you said?
Yeah, I did that by phone.
I went and I blessed, I mean, the entire property to you have a pastor that you go
to a church there locally that believes in anointing and praying over homes, blessing
homes. My church doesn't believe in that.
I don't think so. And we are actually without a pastor.
OK, right.
Are there any other churches or prayer centers that are anywhere, like even 20, 20
minutes from where you live?
Anything like that?
I mean, I. My American mom can come in and.
Pray physically here with me, but you should, I think you should, I think that you all
need to anoint your home and pray over it and pray over your property and yourself and
where two or more are gathered, there he is in the midst of them.
I'm not saying you're not powerful enough, but I can tell that you feel alone in this
fight and you're not.
And I want to encourage you to invite someone that has authority, you know, in this.
And you do, too. But because of the struggle that you have going on, I just really feel
like you need to have someone else there to pray that and be there with you to do that.
And so I want to encourage you to think about that and invite her to come and pray.
You know, if she doesn't know about this situation, let her know what's going on as
well. Ladies, real important for us to always not to give in to fear.
OK, we don't need to be afraid.
We can feel fear, but not partner with it.
But let's also be wise and make sure if we're just, you know, some stuff just keeps
going wrong and keeps going wrong and keeps going wrong.
Well, that's an identifier that, you know, hey, it's a good time to have somebody
coming in, bless my home if that's never been done.
OK, so let me know how that goes.
OK. Yeah, we're going to be praying for you and believe in for God to just really
turn this whole story around for you.
Thank you for trusting us with that tonight.
Chrissy, go ahead.
So a couple of things, I think.
Well, I was while you were talking to all these other women, I was just writing down
because so many things were coming back up to me.
I when we did the breakout session, I really identified with the.
You always have to beg and beg God, and that's that's precisely how I've been
feeling in the past couple of months.
I even told this new lady that I met at this other church,
I had this picture of that little rabbit
that goes around the Derby circle to make the horses run.
That's what I felt like.
And I'm an intercessor.
I discern, I went hard after discernment for several years
because I'm such a feeler and an empath.
And I never, I know that God has shown me greatly
how much my words affect
and have faith for everyone else but me.
And how I felt like it was,
like he was just giving me crumbs.
So like the necessity is my roof over my head
and being very specific to what I pray for.
So I get what I pray for,
but it's like, it's necessities.
It's a car, it's a house, it's the clothes,
my food or help with the bill or something like that.
But when you were saying like,
what is it that you feel like you're having to beg for?
This, a family of my own, a husband, children.
And I've been praying for this man since I was 12,
at least that I can remember.
And at some point in time I just stopped praying
and I stopped believing.
And that's what I feel like.
So let me ask you, did I understand you correct
that you feel like a little rabbit that leads the horses?
Is that how you were saying that?
Did I understand you correctly?
Yeah, you know that little rabbit
that goes around the Derby?
Yeah, I just wanted to make sure
I understood you correctly, yeah.
Okay.
So, you know, rabbits get caught in traps pretty frequently.
I want you to think about that.
I think this is the enemy's scheme for you.
He's trying to make you think you're a rabbit,
but you're not a rabbit, okay?
And so what are you is what God needs to identify for you,
but you're a hundred percent, Chrissy, I can tell you,
God is saying tonight, you're not a rabbit.
The enemy is setting the trap for you
because he wants you to believe that,
you know, what you just said,
I've been praying for this since I was 12
and God's not giving it to me.
And so my question for you to be praying about
is if you think about it, you know,
when they set traps for animals,
sometimes, I don't know if this is true,
but back in the day, you know,
you'd see them put like, you know,
whether it's a mouse or whatever, the cheese,
or they'd put some kind of like little tasty treat
that that animal's going to go after,
try to get them into the trap.
Well, the tasty treat that the enemy has set for you
is this lie that, you know, God's withholding from you.
He's blessing everybody else,
and he's using you to lead all these people
and pray for them and get breakthrough for them.
And he's just tricking you and you're not getting blessed.
And so I'm not minimizing what you've been through,
but I wanna encourage you to pray into
when is the first time you believe the lie
that you were the rabbit in this scenario,
and that God is literally withholding things from you.
And the other question I have for you is,
at what point did you go in the waiting room?
Well, you know, Jackie talks about how we in our,
you know, in our own ability,
we think we've been waiting
and preparing the whole time for our husband.
We're just waiting for God to drop them in our laps.
But the reality is, is sometimes we're actually,
we've actually put ourself in a waiting room,
but we don't even know it.
You're waiting for God to drop them down,
waiting for God to drop them down.
You know, like church has taught for years,
you're waiting for your Boaz, wait for your Boaz.
You can't date, you gotta only, you know,
you date to marry, so you just can't date
and you can't practice all these different things
and messages that have been out.
I kiss dating goodbye.
And, you know, we grow up in these things
that are being conveyed
that actually were never a part of the word.
And so I just am wondering,
because the reality is this.
Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
I'm just turning 24.
okay awesome 44 is a great age it's amazing um i love my 40s so i hope that you are starting to
enjoy yours as well but here's the thing i want you to pray about from the 12 to 44
god was it really that i've just been waiting and you haven't given it to me
or did i believe a lie at some point that i i went into the waiting room i just was waiting
for you to drop this person in my lap instead of activating and you might have been trying to date
i'm not saying you weren't trying to date but internally if you don't believe that if you
believe the lie that there's not any good men out there or that there's not a good man for you or
you don't know if god really is going to fulfill this promise well that's showing up when you're
going on dates too and it could be like self-sabotage or you know all these different
attachment styles that you know anxious attach or avoid an attachment all this stuff that shows up
that gets in the way so it doesn't mean that you haven't necessarily been trying but there are
there are a lot of women that have come into our movement honestly that were in that i kiss dating
goodbye era and they literally did not date for 20 years you all but they believe the lie
that they've been praying and praying and praying and god is just not giving them what they're
asking for but that's not think about all the other blessings that we get in our life
how do they come is it a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
how often do we get a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow you all
no we got to go out and work a job don't we we got to earn it i'm not saying you got to go
earn you're not striving for this spirit mate but i'm trying to make a connection here
we have to heal we have to change how we're showing up in dynamics with people men and women alike
and really learn how to date in a healthy way and interact and get to know people
learn what we like and you know sometimes i don't know about you sometimes chrissy we're serving the
kingdom and we're serving the kingdom we're serving the kingdom and that's amazing but so
much to the point that we put our own stuff on the back burner so guess what that's actually
putting us in the waiting room so do y'all see all the different ways the waiting room can show up
here so i want you to pray into those things and again i'm not saying you haven't experienced
these things but there are shifts that you're going to have to make in your spirit
and come out of alignment with the lie that god has been withholding from you
my mom begged me not to read those books
she begged you not to that's good begged me not to did you read them though i did
yeah and and i'm not putting those people down either we know in part and we see in part you all
i think they felt like they were doing a lot of good for people but it just led a lot of people
into bondage um it's no different than messages going out in churches today telling you know
divorce people they can't remarry and there's just a lot of lies in the body of christ about
divorced people and what what the bible says about divorce just a whole lot of not truth being
preached so um you know you can unlearn those things it just might take some time but really
getting honest with yourself and really asking the lord you know when was there a time when i
i just quit trying because i didn't actually believe it was gonna happen
you know or any of that kind of stuff where you start identifying where the lies took root
did they take root at 12 did they take root at you know 15 when when was it um that god
wouldn't provide for you in this way um and let's see what's uncovered i feel like this
might take a little time chrissy so don't get and not that the answer can't come right away but i
just i'm getting the i'm sensing that there's some layers to this for you okay so if it takes a
little bit of time it's okay and i don't want you to minimize anything that comes up in your spirit
even if you think it's insignificant i don't want you to believe that it might be a memory that pops
up it might be like oh my gosh i had that thought this one day you know those kind of things or it
might be
bigger things where there was some kind of trauma, or you overheard something that impacted your
belief about marriage. I mean, there could be so many different things. But we need the Lord
to bring truth to this situation and bring things out of darkness and the light
for revealing for healing, because I feel like this is, again, lay some layers deep.
Yeah. I mean, just while you were talking, I can,
different parts of what you were talking about, I can see different memories, because like,
like I said, I, she begged me not to read those books, but I read them anyway.
But then I did date before that, and I did date after that. But yeah, there was like different
memories, especially, especially when I was 12. I remember sitting up and reading in my,
reading my Bible in my room, and reading, was it Paul's words that say,
it's better not to be married? Well, it's better to not burn with lust. But yeah, go ahead.
But I was 12. And that's all I remember. And I remember sitting there crying and saying,
okay, God, if this is what you have for me, then, then I'll follow you.
Okay, did anybody else feel that one?
You all, I'm so glad we stayed on for this. Chrissy, that's huge.
This is, this is the root of this. There might be more, but at 12 years old,
you misunderstood what scripture was saying. And you believe the lie. I mean,
it's okay for you to pray like, God, is this what you have for me? But you would know if God called
you to singleness, because you wouldn't have desire for a man and you would just feel called
to serve the kingdom. And that is it. But you told me I have a desire for a husband,
and a family and children. That tells me that God has always designed that for you.
But you wouldn't know that as a 12 year old. Right. And so I want to encourage you
to come out of agreement with the lie that God doesn't have marriage for you.
Okay. There's a sticker that I'm staring at, at my board. It says, I am meant, yeah.
He's always chosen you. I think that the tough thing here, ladies, and this is why,
you know, I, like, sometimes we just got to unpack this stuff. And I'll ask questions,
you guys might not even understand why I'm asking certain things. But I trust the Lord
will always bring to the surface what needs to come up. And I do think there's going to be more
to this, Chrissy, because I think that that moment when you were 12, here's what I think
is going to happen as you ask God to reveal this stuff. I think you're going to see all throughout
your timeline from then to now, different things that happened where the enemy reinforced the lie,
he reinforced the lie, and he kept telling you, God doesn't have marriage for you.
Um, and I think it will start to, as those dots get connected, you're going to see where it wasn't
that God was withholding from you. It was that the enemy was lying to you and you were believing him.
And again, don't, don't be harsh on yourself. Be very gracious toward yourself. Because again,
at 12, you don't know any better. Your defenses are all the way down. And you were reading the
Bible and misunderstood it, you know, it's such an innocent thing. Um, but I'm wondering if you
ever asked anybody about that. And what they said. So no, you never did. I never asked anybody. And
then it came up. It came up in conversation. I don't know, maybe like, if time is irrelevant
at this point, but maybe like 15 years ago. Um, and my friend at the time, we were walking through
something sort of similar to this hard work where you ask those questions. And I was part of a
ministry and he asked me those questions and that did come up then. And he said, no, you have to
forgive yourself for that. But, and forgiveness happens in layers. Remember, though, I feel like
this is another layer to that. I think you have more insight and revelation than you did then.
And that you are gonna, I think you're really going to break free from this thing.
Like, like all the way, I don't think this is going to hold you back anymore after this process.
So, um, pray into that, come into the group, tell me how it goes.
Even if you like pay attention to your feelings too. Okay, super important. Do you feel angry?
Do you know what all what other lies come out as you're praying into this and let's just keep unpacking this and see where it
Leads, okay
All right. Awesome. God is so good. You all he's so so good to us
Father, thank you so much for this incredible night
Thank you God for revealings for healing that have taken place those that are gonna continue to take place God
I thank you for upgrades in the supernatural realm. I thank you for heart surgery
That's gonna happen even while the ladies are sleeping
God, I thank you for sale arrest for myself and for them God that you would refresh our souls
God, I thank you that you would help the ladies go have fun this week and really enjoy being
Just in your presence allowing their inner child to come out to play and just laughter and silliness
Being just a part of their lifestyle
Because we know that men enjoy fun women
So help us to partner with fun help us to ask people to help us help us to interact with the world around us
Help us to come out of hiding and isolation more and more and more in the days to come and Jesus name. Amen
Have an amazing rest of your night. I'll be seeing you all in the group and I'll see y'all next week. All right
Bye everyone. Bye