WEBVTT 1 00:00:06.160 --> 00:00:11.460 Hello, welcome to our Monday evening session. 2 00:00:12.840 --> 00:00:16.040 Would love to see you all on the screen if you're able to come on screen. 3 00:00:16.520 --> 00:00:17.800 I understand not everybody can. 4 00:00:18.180 --> 00:00:19.880 Don't feel like you have to apologize if you can't, 5 00:00:19.980 --> 00:00:23.420 but just would love to see you on screen tonight if you're able. 6 00:00:23.660 --> 00:00:29.980 I'll probably say it again as more ladies join us because we're just now at 7 00:00:29.980 --> 00:00:30.260 11 o'clock in the evening. 8 00:00:32.240 --> 00:00:34.840 I'm counting myself. 9 00:00:35.200 --> 00:00:37.800 But a couple of housekeeping items for you all this evening. 10 00:00:38.100 --> 00:00:39.680 I want to go ahead and get those out of the way. 11 00:00:40.480 --> 00:00:43.220 Even though I don't want that to sound like they're not a positive thing 12 00:00:43.220 --> 00:00:45.900 because they are, they're really important, but. 13 00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:48.320 Supernatural Saturday on Saturday, 14 00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:53.180 really awesome testimonies and truth coming through David and Jackie from 15 00:00:53.180 --> 00:00:54.600 their own life experiences. 16 00:00:55.480 --> 00:00:58.460 Some under other individuals in the, in the community also shared. 17 00:00:58.540 --> 00:01:02.140 And it was all like kind of central around no breakthroughs too small, 18 00:01:02.260 --> 00:01:06.660 but also the siege is over and how God wants to bring all this supernatural 19 00:01:06.800 --> 00:01:10.760 breakthrough and even lost things being found and all of that. 20 00:01:10.800 --> 00:01:12.840 So I really encourage you all to listen to it. 21 00:01:12.840 --> 00:01:17.740 And as you listen to it, you know, I want you all to consider doing this. 22 00:01:18.680 --> 00:01:21.380 Listening to it once without taking notes, 23 00:01:21.760 --> 00:01:25.820 just to absorb the content and then listening again to take notes for 24 00:01:25.820 --> 00:01:26.200 yourself. 25 00:01:26.540 --> 00:01:32.660 I really feel like sometimes we absorb things differently when we're just 26 00:01:32.660 --> 00:01:33.240 listening. 27 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:36.360 Versus, you know, sometimes when we're trying to take notes, 28 00:01:36.400 --> 00:01:37.820 we're so focused on getting down, 29 00:01:37.820 --> 00:01:42.100 what is being said that we're not really fully hearing all of what God wants 30 00:01:42.100 --> 00:01:43.380 to say to us in that moment. 31 00:01:43.380 --> 00:01:45.100 So I want to encourage you all to do that. 32 00:01:45.100 --> 00:01:45.620 Also, 33 00:01:45.820 --> 00:01:49.560 I know not everyone can join the prayer times that we have on Monday 34 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:52.320 through Thursday for women's prayer at 10 a.m. 35 00:01:52.540 --> 00:01:56.540 Eastern time, but want to invite you to join us as much as you can. 36 00:01:57.260 --> 00:02:00.760 You all, this is truly a foundational part of last year, single. 37 00:02:01.300 --> 00:02:05.340 If you want to know why we have so, so many success stories, that's why. 38 00:02:05.460 --> 00:02:08.139 Genuinely prayer is central to everything that we do. 39 00:02:08.139 --> 00:02:12.840 And I can tell you from my own life that it was central to my breakthroughs 40 00:02:12.840 --> 00:02:14.700 and the things that I was getting. 41 00:02:15.140 --> 00:02:16.180 Now, if you're not able to join, 42 00:02:16.300 --> 00:02:18.120 I don't want you to feel like you're going to miss out because we're 43 00:02:18.120 --> 00:02:18.780 praying for you. 44 00:02:18.780 --> 00:02:20.580 I don't know if you know that, but when we gather, 45 00:02:20.920 --> 00:02:21.940 at least when I lead prayer, 46 00:02:22.260 --> 00:02:25.900 I always pray for even people that are not able to join us live, 47 00:02:25.920 --> 00:02:28.260 that anything that we declare in cat, 48 00:02:28.440 --> 00:02:34.300 like call forth and declare over the community that all of you all would 49 00:02:34.300 --> 00:02:34.960 receive it. 50 00:02:34.960 --> 00:02:38.480 Even when you're at work or you're sleeping or whatever it is, 51 00:02:38.480 --> 00:02:38.740 you know, 52 00:02:38.740 --> 00:02:41.180 because sometimes people work nights and then they're sleeping in the day, 53 00:02:41.180 --> 00:02:43.180 but I just want you to know we're covering you. 54 00:02:43.420 --> 00:02:45.500 If you don't know where to find the link to join prayer, 55 00:02:46.020 --> 00:02:46.900 if you're brand new, 56 00:02:47.260 --> 00:02:49.660 that is under the events tab within the last year, 57 00:02:49.680 --> 00:02:50.280 single app. 58 00:02:50.380 --> 00:02:52.100 If you didn't know when you're on your phone, 59 00:02:52.100 --> 00:02:54.500 you might have to scroll over to events and resources. 60 00:02:54.500 --> 00:02:56.180 And on that event tab, 61 00:02:57.180 --> 00:02:58.740 there's an event or in that event tab, 62 00:02:58.800 --> 00:02:59.720 there's an event calendar. 63 00:02:59.720 --> 00:03:01.120 And inside the event calendar, 64 00:03:01.400 --> 00:03:03.040 there's all kinds of events in there, 65 00:03:03.040 --> 00:03:03.740 including the prayer. 66 00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:04.440 All right. 67 00:03:04.440 --> 00:03:06.940 So that's where you're and you click on that event and the link and 68 00:03:06.940 --> 00:03:08.140 everything's there for you. 69 00:03:08.800 --> 00:03:11.060 Also want to just remind you all, 70 00:03:11.220 --> 00:03:14.580 if you're new or you just haven't done it yet, 71 00:03:14.760 --> 00:03:19.180 please do an introduction post in the group under the community tab and 72 00:03:19.180 --> 00:03:20.440 include a picture of yourself. 73 00:03:21.460 --> 00:03:22.640 Tell us a little bit about yourself, 74 00:03:22.760 --> 00:03:25.420 what led you here or anything that you feel led to share. 75 00:03:25.600 --> 00:03:27.360 Cause we love to get to know you. 76 00:03:27.560 --> 00:03:28.340 And this is, again, 77 00:03:28.620 --> 00:03:31.220 it's another way for you to practice being seen, 78 00:03:31.480 --> 00:03:33.640 known and loved for us to see who you are. 79 00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:35.420 And it's really awesome. 80 00:03:36.100 --> 00:03:37.660 As all of you are joining, 81 00:03:37.660 --> 00:03:39.300 I have more ladies even joining now, 82 00:03:39.580 --> 00:03:42.880 always encourage you all to come on screen as much as you can. 83 00:03:43.320 --> 00:03:43.500 Totally. 84 00:03:43.500 --> 00:03:45.440 Don't have to apologize if you can't come on screen, 85 00:03:45.520 --> 00:03:49.720 but I do want you all to practice coming on screen as much as possible 86 00:03:50.040 --> 00:03:51.160 during the heart work. 87 00:03:51.260 --> 00:03:53.520 Even when y'all moved to phase two practice, 88 00:03:53.680 --> 00:03:55.500 why do I say practice coming on screen? 89 00:03:55.900 --> 00:03:58.800 Why do you think I use that verbiage in particular? 90 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:03.560 Because some of you don't even like to see yourself on a screen. 91 00:04:05.340 --> 00:04:07.500 You don't like to see yourself in the mirror. 92 00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:09.280 And that is going to be a problem. 93 00:04:09.320 --> 00:04:13.980 If you're doing online dating and video chats at some point. 94 00:04:14.620 --> 00:04:16.860 So let's practice being seen, you know, 95 00:04:16.860 --> 00:04:18.720 and all kinds of things being known. 96 00:04:19.399 --> 00:04:21.480 And I just like to see you. 97 00:04:21.579 --> 00:04:21.980 Okay. 98 00:04:21.980 --> 00:04:23.180 So I'm going to say that too. 99 00:04:23.180 --> 00:04:26.320 I just like to see the people that I'm coaching. 100 00:04:26.520 --> 00:04:27.940 When I see your faces, 101 00:04:28.020 --> 00:04:31.780 it really just changes my ability to connect with you. 102 00:04:31.780 --> 00:04:35.540 I feel like I, I, I try to connect with you all as much as I can. 103 00:04:35.740 --> 00:04:38.760 Even in the, you know, the text responses to you all, 104 00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:43.400 but when I like see you in group and I hear from you and I know what you 105 00:04:43.400 --> 00:04:45.220 look like, I'm like, oh yeah. 106 00:04:45.480 --> 00:04:48.660 This is who Sarah is when I'm responding to you. It's just, 107 00:04:48.720 --> 00:04:52.480 it just kind of changes it in, in that connection. I'm sure. 108 00:04:52.660 --> 00:04:56.000 I think you all probably feel the same, you know, for our coaches, 109 00:04:56.080 --> 00:04:59.700 if we never came on screen, it it's not that it's not effective. 110 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:00.860 and still be effective. 111 00:05:01.260 --> 00:05:03.880 But don't you like to see the person that's coaching you? 112 00:05:04.520 --> 00:05:04.700 I do. 113 00:05:05.500 --> 00:05:07.300 So anyways, there's that. 114 00:05:07.620 --> 00:05:08.480 So I'm gonna pray us in. 115 00:05:08.860 --> 00:05:10.260 If you're brand new, I almost forgot, 116 00:05:10.460 --> 00:05:11.200 I'm Bethany Cooper. 117 00:05:11.520 --> 00:05:12.720 I'm one of the Master Heart Work Coaches 118 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:13.560 here in the community. 119 00:05:13.860 --> 00:05:16.480 If you are new, this is your first live session. 120 00:05:16.740 --> 00:05:18.160 Please put that in the chat for us. 121 00:05:18.220 --> 00:05:20.340 We wanna welcome you and cheer you on 122 00:05:20.340 --> 00:05:23.360 for taking this step to join us in the heart work process 123 00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:25.360 for all of my ladies that have returned. 124 00:05:26.080 --> 00:05:26.740 Welcome back. 125 00:05:26.840 --> 00:05:29.060 We had an awesome session this afternoon. 126 00:05:29.060 --> 00:05:32.340 I'm hoping and praying that tonight goes just as great 127 00:05:32.360 --> 00:05:35.160 and that you all receive everything God has for you. 128 00:05:35.280 --> 00:05:36.840 And so on that note, I'm gonna go ahead and pray. 129 00:05:37.520 --> 00:05:41.440 Father, thank you so much for everything that you're doing, 130 00:05:41.720 --> 00:05:43.980 God, for all the ways that you prepare our hearts, 131 00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:47.580 for the breakthrough that you want to usher in 132 00:05:47.580 --> 00:05:49.300 and the perfect moment, the perfect time, 133 00:05:49.380 --> 00:05:51.840 God, we thank you for revealings for healing happening 134 00:05:51.840 --> 00:05:53.600 in an accelerated pace tonight, 135 00:05:53.640 --> 00:05:55.400 that dots would be connected, God, 136 00:05:55.440 --> 00:05:57.140 that aha moments would happen, 137 00:05:57.140 --> 00:05:59.660 that memories would come to the surface, 138 00:05:59.820 --> 00:06:02.080 that people just, they don't even know why they're stuck, 139 00:06:02.380 --> 00:06:03.680 but Lord, that you do. 140 00:06:03.860 --> 00:06:06.460 So we ask you to bring those things out to the forefront. 141 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:09.360 Lord, help them to have the courage to step into healing. 142 00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:11.840 We thank you, God, for sending Jesus. 143 00:06:11.980 --> 00:06:13.440 And Jesus, we thank you for coming, 144 00:06:13.580 --> 00:06:15.940 for making a way for us to be healed, set free, 145 00:06:16.040 --> 00:06:18.240 to be in relationship with you and the Father, 146 00:06:18.320 --> 00:06:20.320 and that you all sent the Holy Spirit 147 00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:22.660 so we would never have to do this journey alone. 148 00:06:22.780 --> 00:06:25.480 Holy Spirit, we just welcome your presence here 149 00:06:26.080 --> 00:06:27.120 because I already know you're here. 150 00:06:27.240 --> 00:06:28.440 I just welcome you here, 151 00:06:28.440 --> 00:06:30.440 and I ask you to have your way in us 152 00:06:30.440 --> 00:06:32.240 and throughout this time tonight. 153 00:06:32.380 --> 00:06:35.260 In Jesus name, amen, amen, amen. 154 00:06:36.340 --> 00:06:38.540 So this afternoon I was chatting briefly. 155 00:06:38.720 --> 00:06:40.720 I don't even remember everything I said, ladies. 156 00:06:40.840 --> 00:06:42.380 I wish I had recorded the beginning 157 00:06:42.380 --> 00:06:43.660 of that afternoon session 158 00:06:43.940 --> 00:06:46.160 because it was pretty good, I feel like. 159 00:06:46.180 --> 00:06:48.760 And I don't say that about my own coaching sessions 160 00:06:48.760 --> 00:06:49.940 to you all very often, 161 00:06:49.980 --> 00:06:52.880 but there was some good stuff that God was releasing. 162 00:06:52.880 --> 00:06:55.600 But I do remember a couple of the things, 163 00:06:55.820 --> 00:06:58.780 the nuggets that I wanna give you all tonight as well. 164 00:06:59.240 --> 00:07:01.060 And here's what it is. 165 00:07:01.680 --> 00:07:05.860 I had the honor of preaching this past Sunday, 166 00:07:06.560 --> 00:07:08.080 yesterday for our church, 167 00:07:08.740 --> 00:07:12.520 and God led me to talk about the spirit of kindness, 168 00:07:12.620 --> 00:07:14.940 and that's what we journeyed through. 169 00:07:15.020 --> 00:07:16.840 But there were a lot of aspects of that 170 00:07:16.840 --> 00:07:20.940 that I was really challenging people to go all in 171 00:07:20.940 --> 00:07:23.740 and to risk their hearts for kindness. 172 00:07:24.300 --> 00:07:27.580 But I'm saying all that to say that in the second, 173 00:07:27.580 --> 00:07:31.780 I preached twice, in the second service during worship, 174 00:07:31.920 --> 00:07:33.180 God just started speaking to me 175 00:07:33.180 --> 00:07:34.840 about how he wanted the end of the service 176 00:07:34.840 --> 00:07:36.960 to go different than the first one. 177 00:07:37.620 --> 00:07:40.540 And he wanted me to ask people to stand 178 00:07:40.540 --> 00:07:43.340 that had felt like any level of like, 179 00:07:43.340 --> 00:07:44.840 yeah, I relate to these stories, 180 00:07:44.840 --> 00:07:47.040 I need to take a step to forgive someone 181 00:07:47.040 --> 00:07:49.800 or whatever it was that God was dealing with them about. 182 00:07:49.800 --> 00:07:51.700 And then not only to stand, 183 00:07:51.800 --> 00:07:52.740 and this is something you all, 184 00:07:52.860 --> 00:07:54.880 I know in like in the churches I was raised 185 00:07:54.880 --> 00:07:56.120 and that's something we did all the time, 186 00:07:56.340 --> 00:07:59.960 but that's not something that the church that we are in, 187 00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:01.040 that they're used to, 188 00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:03.600 we're trying to take them there a little by little. 189 00:08:03.800 --> 00:08:05.800 And so I already knew, okay, 190 00:08:06.220 --> 00:08:08.060 this is gonna be a step for these people. 191 00:08:08.440 --> 00:08:09.780 And I don't mean that in a bad way, 192 00:08:09.820 --> 00:08:11.440 but this just isn't common for them. 193 00:08:11.680 --> 00:08:15.540 And so not only did I ask them to have the courage to stand, 194 00:08:16.140 --> 00:08:18.320 but then I asked them to have the courage 195 00:08:18.320 --> 00:08:20.220 to come forward for prayer. 196 00:08:20.860 --> 00:08:23.760 And so you all, at the end of that, 197 00:08:23.820 --> 00:08:25.580 I was able to pray for several people. 198 00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:28.340 And there's this woman that I prayed for, 199 00:08:28.440 --> 00:08:29.960 she's one of the sweetest people ever, 200 00:08:30.600 --> 00:08:32.140 battling cancer right now, 201 00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:34.260 just really doing an amazing job, 202 00:08:34.299 --> 00:08:36.179 being a light for Jesus in the process. 203 00:08:36.659 --> 00:08:38.440 And I'm praying for her. 204 00:08:38.860 --> 00:08:42.760 And I see in my mind's eye from the Lord, 205 00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:45.100 a black stone in her heart, 206 00:08:45.920 --> 00:08:47.380 literally in the spirit, that's what I saw. 207 00:08:47.980 --> 00:08:50.040 Now she's not someone I would have normally thought, 208 00:08:50.800 --> 00:08:52.400 well, she's got a black stone in there. 209 00:08:52.480 --> 00:08:54.480 Like I just, those two didn't go together 210 00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:55.500 cause she's super sweet. 211 00:08:57.440 --> 00:08:59.020 And, but here's the thing, 212 00:08:59.140 --> 00:09:00.820 this is where we have to trust the Lord 213 00:09:00.820 --> 00:09:01.900 and what he's showing us. 214 00:09:01.960 --> 00:09:05.580 And so I just released it, something like this, 215 00:09:08.160 --> 00:09:10.520 I don't know if this resonates for you, 216 00:09:10.560 --> 00:09:12.220 but I'm just gonna tell you what I'm seeing. 217 00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:13.780 And I just started telling her, 218 00:09:14.340 --> 00:09:16.080 and then I prayed into it 219 00:09:16.360 --> 00:09:18.140 and prayed for that to be broken 220 00:09:18.140 --> 00:09:20.940 and for God to come in and just break apart 221 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:23.680 that any kind of hardness in her heart 222 00:09:23.680 --> 00:09:25.080 that might've come through something. 223 00:09:25.180 --> 00:09:25.840 And I'm just praying. 224 00:09:26.100 --> 00:09:28.180 And then I went on to some other people. 225 00:09:28.380 --> 00:09:29.800 And then at the end of the service, 226 00:09:29.800 --> 00:09:30.980 she came up to me, you all, 227 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:33.760 and she was telling me that it was spot on. 228 00:09:34.560 --> 00:09:37.000 And she starts telling me this story about her sister 229 00:09:38.120 --> 00:09:40.480 and how her sister had done some things 230 00:09:40.480 --> 00:09:41.580 that were really hurtful 231 00:09:41.580 --> 00:09:43.540 and she had started hardening her heart 232 00:09:43.540 --> 00:09:45.320 and I was like, oh, really? 233 00:09:45.780 --> 00:09:47.360 How long ago did this happen? 234 00:09:47.520 --> 00:09:49.660 She's like, just this past week. 235 00:09:50.580 --> 00:09:51.920 And so it's just really, 236 00:09:51.980 --> 00:09:54.220 I'm saying all this to say to you all, 237 00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:56.820 why I felt led to say it to you tonight 238 00:09:57.000 --> 00:09:59.940 is that we can all have healing. 239 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:06.000 We can be going down the journey and we feel good and and then something happens 240 00:10:06.120 --> 00:10:12.640 the enemy comes in and he tries to you know, bring this offense and bring this heartache in and 241 00:10:14.060 --> 00:10:15.700 If we're not careful 242 00:10:16.260 --> 00:10:19.680 we'll put walls up we'll start to harden our hearts and 243 00:10:20.860 --> 00:10:26.840 Before we know it that can change how we live and interact with these people, right? And so 244 00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:28.540 Maybe some of you 245 00:10:29.100 --> 00:10:30.940 Maybe that's where you're at tonight 246 00:10:31.620 --> 00:10:35.880 Maybe there's something that happened and you're just like man. I 247 00:10:35.880 --> 00:10:39.220 Just don't want to deal with that person anymore 248 00:10:39.280 --> 00:10:43.100 One of the other stories I told was that I have this lady in the church 249 00:10:43.100 --> 00:10:47.340 I have a lot of church stories y'all pastor and people that aren't perfect 250 00:10:47.520 --> 00:10:52.440 Just like myself isn't always an easy job, but praise the Lord we get the opportunity to do it 251 00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:57.340 But she's on our children's team and we are a church that is 252 00:10:57.340 --> 00:11:03.960 We're not, you know small small, but we're not big and so we don't have a big team right now yet 253 00:11:04.760 --> 00:11:07.060 I believe God is gonna do some things there, but 254 00:11:07.960 --> 00:11:10.100 We don't we don't have a lot of children's workers 255 00:11:10.100 --> 00:11:15.720 Like when I say we don't have a lot of children's workers, we literally have like less than a handful 256 00:11:16.660 --> 00:11:19.340 So I don't have a lot of subs. I don't have a lot of coverage 257 00:11:19.340 --> 00:11:24.380 and and so we can't we really aren't prepared for last-minute changes and 258 00:11:25.400 --> 00:11:27.580 This lady in particular who is 259 00:11:28.420 --> 00:11:30.440 Technically a friend of mine as well 260 00:11:30.540 --> 00:11:34.640 Her and her husband moved down here. Her husband grew up with my husband 261 00:11:35.000 --> 00:11:42.360 Moved down here after we moved down here and they felt led to not only because they wanted to move to South Florida 262 00:11:42.360 --> 00:11:43.820 Y'all it's beautiful down here 263 00:11:43.820 --> 00:11:45.980 It's very attractive for many people to move here 264 00:11:45.980 --> 00:11:51.540 But they said they wanted to be partner partner with us and in the ministry and things if you will 265 00:11:52.700 --> 00:11:58.660 Well a couple weeks ago and I might even talked about this I don't even know on heart work at one session, but 266 00:12:00.120 --> 00:12:03.080 She texts me out of nowhere and says oh by the way 267 00:12:04.160 --> 00:12:06.500 I'm going to not be at church on 268 00:12:07.540 --> 00:12:12.800 This date in this date and it was two Sundays in a row you all and I said to her I was like 269 00:12:12.800 --> 00:12:18.300 Are you serious? I'm supposed to preach and it was the 12th and the 19th. I'm supposed to preach on the 12th 270 00:12:18.300 --> 00:12:23.420 What are we gonna do I don't have anybody to cover that clap because normally I cover if she's not there and 271 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:27.940 She's like well, we need more volunteers and that was her response to me 272 00:12:29.900 --> 00:12:31.460 Yep, we sure do 273 00:12:31.900 --> 00:12:34.320 You know, I kind of had just forget it 274 00:12:34.320 --> 00:12:40.060 I'll take care of it and I was I was irritated because I was just thinking like what the heck like 275 00:12:40.260 --> 00:12:43.900 It's one thing y'all and I'm all for people taking breaks, you know 276 00:12:43.900 --> 00:12:46.180 It's not like they don't she doesn't take time off now 277 00:12:46.180 --> 00:12:49.200 She is a volunteer and there's all of that side of it, too 278 00:12:49.500 --> 00:12:50.820 But here's the thing 279 00:12:51.120 --> 00:12:54.880 The reason I'm telling you these stories is I'm setting you up for the content tonight 280 00:12:54.940 --> 00:12:59.280 But I'm hoping that you all relate to some of this in some way for yourself as well 281 00:13:01.960 --> 00:13:06.420 So I wasn't super happy and so the next time I saw her 282 00:13:07.520 --> 00:13:11.620 Because what happened after that you all I couldn't preach on the 12th anymore 283 00:13:12.400 --> 00:13:16.480 And so we had to hurry and shift all kinds of stuff for our team 284 00:13:16.660 --> 00:13:19.920 We had I had to like train a couple other people 285 00:13:19.920 --> 00:13:27.280 I had to figure out how to cover this big gap that we had now and so it really threw a wrench in things for us 286 00:13:28.100 --> 00:13:28.700 and 287 00:13:28.700 --> 00:13:34.060 so then the next time I saw her she came up all friendly just acting like just normal and 288 00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:41.160 I didn't feel normal on the inside. I felt like what the heck 289 00:13:41.620 --> 00:13:45.240 Why are you acting all like everything's fine? Everything's not fine 290 00:13:45.480 --> 00:13:47.180 Because I didn't feel fine 291 00:13:48.260 --> 00:13:51.440 But I couldn't I didn't want to deal with it to be honest 292 00:13:51.440 --> 00:13:55.380 I was just like I just I don't have time for this and so I was you know, nice 293 00:13:55.380 --> 00:14:01.320 I wasn't rude or anything, but I definitely wasn't overly friendly or overly talkative 294 00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:08.360 Now I was really busy too and and I tend to be on sunday mornings, but then I saw her the next saturday 295 00:14:08.960 --> 00:14:11.360 And she came over and was chatty 296 00:14:11.920 --> 00:14:15.360 And I actually was work because we were at a leadership retreat that we were leading 297 00:14:15.360 --> 00:14:20.900 I actually was working on my next session kind of just going back through it and preparing to talk again 298 00:14:21.900 --> 00:14:27.180 But I I really didn't feel like talking to her either 299 00:14:29.600 --> 00:14:34.200 And so this morning I was reading in this book and it's all about honor 300 00:14:35.040 --> 00:14:36.480 And it's all about 301 00:14:36.740 --> 00:14:38.820 how heaven feels about 302 00:14:39.540 --> 00:14:40.740 When people fail 303 00:14:41.160 --> 00:14:43.860 and fall short versus the world's 304 00:14:45.460 --> 00:14:50.340 Perspective of failure and how people need to make up for what they've done wrong 305 00:14:50.940 --> 00:14:52.180 and so 306 00:14:53.140 --> 00:14:59.560 You know this morning i'm like ouch, you know, I kind of realized I judged her 307 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.460 for what she did. Now, of course, I'm allowed to have feelings, but here's the thing. God doesn't 308 00:15:06.460 --> 00:15:12.740 want me to stay in the judgment seat. He doesn't want me to stay with walls up and kind of cold 309 00:15:12.860 --> 00:15:18.840 shouldering her. And I'm not even that way. I'm not rude. I'm just like, I just wasn't like heart 310 00:15:18.840 --> 00:15:24.900 wide open, like, oh, we're gonna hang out and be friendly. No, I didn't feel that way. But then 311 00:15:24.900 --> 00:15:31.640 here's the layer deeper that God showed me this morning as well. When I asked the Lord, like, I 312 00:15:31.740 --> 00:15:38.860 recognize this is here. And I know how I feel when I'm around her now that this has happened. So 313 00:15:38.860 --> 00:15:54.720 what's really the problem? What's really going on here? And I heard immediately, abandonment. I 314 00:15:54.720 --> 00:16:01.860 I'm not saying that's true. I'm saying that's how I felt, because of past things in my life. And I 315 00:16:02.800 --> 00:16:12.340 just felt like she just didn't care how that affected all of us. And I may or may not talk to 316 00:16:12.340 --> 00:16:17.180 her about it at some point. Now, as a leader in the church, I do need to train people. So I'm 317 00:16:17.180 --> 00:16:23.420 going to be praying for God to continue to heal my heart. So if that time comes, and I feel led to 318 00:16:23.420 --> 00:16:29.060 talk about those kind of things and set some more boundaries with our volunteers, like, hey, unless 319 00:16:29.060 --> 00:16:33.640 you're like, deathly sick, please don't last minute, tell us you're just not going to be there for two 320 00:16:33.640 --> 00:16:42.920 weeks in a row if you're a normal weekly volunteer. But I need to make sure my heart is in a good 321 00:16:42.920 --> 00:16:50.280 place before I have that conversation. And so tonight, we're talking about what is the broken 322 00:16:50.280 --> 00:16:58.980 heart. So I want you all to be thinking about times where people have let you down, times where 323 00:16:58.980 --> 00:17:04.420 people didn't show up when they were supposed to show up, or times you felt offended by something 324 00:17:04.420 --> 00:17:11.780 someone did or said, and then maybe times you might have judged them because of it as well. 325 00:17:13.240 --> 00:17:19.700 Maybe that's even towards yourself. I just heard the Lord say some of you all are judging yourself 326 00:17:19.700 --> 00:17:25.240 because you just feel like you haven't been able to get this romantic part of your life right. 327 00:17:28.500 --> 00:17:32.180 And so you're sitting in the judgment seat towards yourself. 328 00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:38.980 And God wants you to forgive yourself for that. You're not doing something wrong. You're not 329 00:17:38.980 --> 00:17:43.360 screwing it up. You've been learning and growing and healing. But some of you all 330 00:17:43.360 --> 00:17:47.580 were following counterfeit identities for a while, just like I used to. 331 00:17:49.260 --> 00:17:54.700 And we didn't know what we didn't know, ladies. But praise the Lord, we know what we know now. 332 00:17:54.720 --> 00:18:00.620 And in the days ahead, we're going to keep growing and learning and recognizing the good that God has 333 00:18:00.620 --> 00:18:08.560 for us and that things can be different. They can be, but it starts in our heart. So remember that 334 00:18:08.780 --> 00:18:13.420 trauma doesn't just hurt us. It creates these counterfeit versions of us. So when we went 335 00:18:13.420 --> 00:18:18.980 through trauma and wounds of the past, you know, it's not like you become these separate people 336 00:18:19.000 --> 00:18:23.380 technically, but there's a part, you know, even in that moment, my response to that woman, 337 00:18:23.840 --> 00:18:29.680 I was pulling away from her. I was shutting down. I was putting walls up. Why do you think 338 00:18:29.680 --> 00:18:36.200 I was doing that? Defender was coming out to play. Because again, I felt abandoned. 339 00:18:37.040 --> 00:18:43.220 This is someone who says they're my friend. And then just like in a fleeting moment, they're just 340 00:18:43.220 --> 00:18:50.920 like, I'm out two weeks in a row. Have fun. Now, she didn't say it like that. But I'm telling you, 341 00:18:50.920 --> 00:18:58.420 those are those are the ways I was interpreting it. Okay. So again, think about the different 342 00:18:58.420 --> 00:19:05.160 times your defender protector. Now, it's, it's, it's me y'all. But it's in my subconscious that 343 00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:13.280 you know, defender is showing up. Anger is hurts bodyguard. So I felt angry. You know, 344 00:19:13.280 --> 00:19:18.200 I felt justified. I felt all these things. So what is your broken heart leading you into 345 00:19:18.200 --> 00:19:25.180 that is not a part of your true identity. And the true identity, remember, it's it's the original 346 00:19:25.180 --> 00:19:30.600 version of who God created you to be before wounds or trauma ever entered your life. 347 00:19:31.820 --> 00:19:38.920 Clean slate. And not like you think of a clean slate, like literally clear, no blemish, 348 00:19:39.700 --> 00:19:45.160 nothing broken, nothing missing. What is God's true identity for us. And I want to encourage 349 00:19:45.160 --> 00:19:49.420 you this is not something you're just going to one day wake up and like, Oh, here's my true identity. 350 00:19:50.420 --> 00:19:54.720 It's going to be like no walking it out a little bit more a little bit more a little bit more. 351 00:19:54.720 --> 00:19:59.980 I believe every single day that God is helping me step further into that. 352 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.800 true identity. And I haven't just arrived, but I definitely am living in a completely 353 00:20:05.800 --> 00:20:11.320 different life than I was just a few years ago. And God is continuing, even like reading 354 00:20:11.320 --> 00:20:17.100 that book this morning, he's inviting me into more healing and more like, okay, look at 355 00:20:17.100 --> 00:20:22.100 this, Bethany, you know, I don't want this to stay in your heart and inviting me out 356 00:20:22.100 --> 00:20:25.160 of those things. And I believe he's going to invite you out of some of those types of 357 00:20:25.360 --> 00:20:30.780 things as well. I want you to be thinking about also in the heart work book, it talks 358 00:20:30.780 --> 00:20:37.000 about Jackie talks about in chapter, I think the six, she talks about Beezlebub. It's another 359 00:20:37.000 --> 00:20:42.900 name for Satan, the enemy, the one that devours and tries to seek and kill and destroy this. 360 00:20:43.040 --> 00:20:49.780 This name for him is actually Lord of the flies. And I want to remind you that flies 361 00:20:49.780 --> 00:20:56.780 serve a purpose in the decomposition process. So things breaking down, what flies do is 362 00:20:56.780 --> 00:21:03.620 they find an unhealed wound, a sore or someplace of decomposition. I'm sorry, I just panicked 363 00:21:03.620 --> 00:21:09.400 and thought, Oh my gosh, am I recording? Praise the Lord, I'm recording a sore someplace of 364 00:21:09.400 --> 00:21:15.320 decomposition and they go into those places and they lay their eggs inside of that place. 365 00:21:16.020 --> 00:21:21.780 They do this so that when the eggs hatch, the larvae then have this unlimited food source. 366 00:21:23.140 --> 00:21:28.200 These unhealed heart wounds, traumas and rejections then become the ideal place for the enemy 367 00:21:28.200 --> 00:21:36.520 to sow what? Seeds that are lies because our hearts are fertile wombs. Remember, so anything 368 00:21:36.520 --> 00:21:42.220 that he plants in there that we allow to stay in there is going to reproduce something. 369 00:21:42.220 --> 00:21:50.540 And as we look at these lies, what do they do to us? Well, they find their way into the 370 00:21:50.540 --> 00:21:57.500 heart wound and begin to eat us from the inside out, destroying the abundance of our hearts 371 00:21:57.500 --> 00:22:07.300 and eventually our lives. So where has decomposition started in you? Where are there lies that 372 00:22:07.300 --> 00:22:14.640 are still existing in your heart that are causing you to be stuck? Where are you partnering? 373 00:22:14.880 --> 00:22:19.420 We had also one of the things that came up as well this afternoon was, again, another 374 00:22:19.420 --> 00:22:24.340 person just asked them like, Hey, are you partnering with a lie that you're too old 375 00:22:24.620 --> 00:22:31.100 for a spirit mate, that you're too old for happiness and joy and all that God wants to 376 00:22:31.100 --> 00:22:36.500 give you? And for some of you, that's even going back to school. It's never too late. 377 00:22:36.500 --> 00:22:41.380 If we are still here, God has something for us and praise the Lord. I do believe it's 378 00:22:41.380 --> 00:22:45.640 a love story for you as well. But for some of you, it's a lot more than that for all 379 00:22:45.640 --> 00:22:49.700 of you. I believe that, but you know, some of you are going to feel called to go do some 380 00:22:49.720 --> 00:22:55.700 things, maybe go on a mission trip or go serves in a nonprofit area that you haven't before. 381 00:22:56.060 --> 00:23:00.640 You know, go do fun dance classes. I don't know what it is for you. We'll talk about 382 00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:05.920 that a little bit more later, but be praying about where God wants to lead you in the days 383 00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:10.380 ahead. I want to give you three things that the broken heart is. Again, remember, we're 384 00:23:10.380 --> 00:23:15.320 talking about the broken heart tonight, not the healed one. The broken heart is a liar. 385 00:23:15.480 --> 00:23:22.800 So it's full of lies. It's full of mess on the inside of there. It's a puzzle. So it's 386 00:23:22.800 --> 00:23:27.380 all messed up. I want you to think about if you've ever done a puzzle, when you open the 387 00:23:27.380 --> 00:23:31.780 box, there's a lot of pieces and you dump those out and they're just scattered everywhere, 388 00:23:31.780 --> 00:23:37.180 right? Until you put the puzzle together. But what I want you all to understand, I put 389 00:23:37.180 --> 00:23:42.560 this together this afternoon in my mind, and I don't think I've ever said it until this 390 00:23:42.560 --> 00:23:46.640 afternoon, but a lot of people don't fully understand the puzzle. You know, the broken 391 00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:51.260 heart is a puzzle. Well, guess what? Do you know where chaos and confusion comes from? 392 00:23:52.780 --> 00:23:58.400 The puzzle part of our broken heart, where the pieces are kind of in disarray and they're all 393 00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:04.580 the place. So if you feel like you struggle with confusion and chaos in your life, it is because 394 00:24:05.160 --> 00:24:11.040 the broken heart has caused stuff to be kind of all over. Do you ever doubt your choices and your 395 00:24:11.040 --> 00:24:16.140 ability to choose the right thing or the right person? Y'all, that's coming from the puzzler. 396 00:24:17.600 --> 00:24:24.700 Okay? All right. Another one is pretender. Do you ever pretend to be somebody or something 397 00:24:24.700 --> 00:24:31.140 that you're not? Do you feel like you've got to put a mask on? Maybe you're wanting expensive 398 00:24:31.540 --> 00:24:39.560 things or status, or you're telling yourself you're okay. I don't need any help. I'm better 399 00:24:39.560 --> 00:24:45.940 off being single. Because you know what? If you really let yourself believe that God has something 400 00:24:45.940 --> 00:24:53.740 for you, like a love story, if it doesn't happen in the timeframe that you think it should, 401 00:24:54.700 --> 00:24:59.860 those lies start to percolate to the surface and tell you you're crazy. And guess what? 402 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.660 Some of y'all, out of nowhere, 403 00:25:02.020 --> 00:25:03.560 the pastor's gonna preach a message 404 00:25:03.560 --> 00:25:05.200 and some of y'all are in some churches 405 00:25:05.200 --> 00:25:06.860 where they're gonna preach a message 406 00:25:06.860 --> 00:25:09.560 that tells you you should just be waiting for your Boaz. 407 00:25:10.220 --> 00:25:12.180 You know, Jackie talked about that in the challenge. 408 00:25:13.420 --> 00:25:15.620 I remember thinking, yeah, I'm waiting. 409 00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:17.740 Even after I went through my divorce, 410 00:25:17.860 --> 00:25:21.140 like waiting for my Boaz, I remember like clinging to that. 411 00:25:21.640 --> 00:25:23.660 Y'all, that led me in all kinds of wrong directions. 412 00:25:26.760 --> 00:25:29.140 Maybe you're trying to convince yourself 413 00:25:29.140 --> 00:25:31.620 that you don't want something you actually want. 414 00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:33.520 It's just easier being single. 415 00:25:34.740 --> 00:25:37.480 I don't have to worry about somebody wanting something 416 00:25:37.480 --> 00:25:38.760 different than I wanna watch 417 00:25:38.760 --> 00:25:41.140 or wanting to watch a show I don't wanna watch. 418 00:25:42.060 --> 00:25:43.740 And you know, whatever that looks like 419 00:25:43.740 --> 00:25:46.220 and sounds like for you, that is a pretender. 420 00:25:46.560 --> 00:25:50.080 If you believe God has a love story for you, 421 00:25:50.440 --> 00:25:53.100 then telling yourself you're better off single 422 00:25:53.100 --> 00:25:56.520 and partnering with that is the exact opposite of the truth. 423 00:25:58.100 --> 00:26:00.620 It's called deception, okay? 424 00:26:01.660 --> 00:26:04.160 The last one of the pretender is it causes us 425 00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:06.800 to live below our true identity. 426 00:26:08.060 --> 00:26:11.060 Remember, I've been touching on our value and our worth. 427 00:26:11.280 --> 00:26:12.240 We've been leaning into that 428 00:26:12.240 --> 00:26:14.660 with that silhouette activation a couple of weeks ago. 429 00:26:15.160 --> 00:26:18.120 If you're brand new, we'll circle back around to that. 430 00:26:18.180 --> 00:26:20.000 But if you guys go through our group, 431 00:26:20.060 --> 00:26:22.660 you're gonna see some of the other ladies' amazing silhouettes 432 00:26:22.660 --> 00:26:24.260 things that God has been doing 433 00:26:24.540 --> 00:26:26.500 and saying to your sisters in this group. 434 00:26:26.500 --> 00:26:27.760 It's powerful. 435 00:26:29.660 --> 00:26:32.640 And God wants to speak to you about your true identity 436 00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:36.060 so that you don't choose somebody or something in the future 437 00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:39.340 where you live below God's best for you. 438 00:26:39.860 --> 00:26:42.780 Just settling for, you know, 439 00:26:42.780 --> 00:26:46.740 the man with the baggy pants who sometimes calls 440 00:26:47.360 --> 00:26:49.740 and you're not really sure if he wants to commit, 441 00:26:49.820 --> 00:26:52.000 but man, he's the only one paying you any attention. 442 00:26:52.100 --> 00:26:53.120 Yeah, I said the baggy pants. 443 00:26:53.260 --> 00:26:55.100 That drives me nuts, you all. 444 00:26:55.100 --> 00:26:56.700 I can't stand it. 445 00:26:58.020 --> 00:27:00.800 I'm like, man, I just wanna tell him, son, 446 00:27:01.260 --> 00:27:02.100 pull up your pants. 447 00:27:02.640 --> 00:27:03.500 That isn't cute. 448 00:27:03.600 --> 00:27:05.020 I don't know, maybe y'all think it's cute. 449 00:27:05.080 --> 00:27:06.100 I don't think it's cute. 450 00:27:07.500 --> 00:27:09.040 I don't know where that came from, 451 00:27:09.080 --> 00:27:10.160 but I think it all the time. 452 00:27:10.180 --> 00:27:12.840 Every time I see some guy with the pants down 453 00:27:12.840 --> 00:27:14.840 and I'm like, and then you see his underwear 454 00:27:14.840 --> 00:27:17.060 and I'm just like, when did this start? 455 00:27:17.980 --> 00:27:19.700 All right, I'm gonna keep going. 456 00:27:21.160 --> 00:27:22.660 Jeremiah 17, nine says, 457 00:27:22.660 --> 00:27:24.920 the heart is deceitful above all things 458 00:27:24.920 --> 00:27:28.800 and desperately wicked who can know it. 459 00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:31.920 God is the one that knows our heart 460 00:27:32.820 --> 00:27:35.900 and he knows how to reveal to us what we need to know. 461 00:27:36.500 --> 00:27:39.760 Proverbs 4.23 in the ESV version says this, 462 00:27:40.660 --> 00:27:42.600 keep your heart with all vigilance 463 00:27:42.600 --> 00:27:45.520 for from it flows the springs of life. 464 00:27:47.160 --> 00:27:50.540 Remember that our hearts are highly impressionable. 465 00:27:50.540 --> 00:27:54.380 Everything that we hear, we see that we're around 466 00:27:54.540 --> 00:27:56.760 is impressing upon our hearts, 467 00:27:56.880 --> 00:27:59.020 including the things that we're partnering with 468 00:27:59.020 --> 00:28:01.640 in our minds, whether it's subconscious 469 00:28:01.640 --> 00:28:03.980 or we have a bad day, y'all. 470 00:28:04.900 --> 00:28:07.620 These bad days sometimes can just creep up out of nowhere 471 00:28:07.620 --> 00:28:09.260 and you get bad news. 472 00:28:10.200 --> 00:28:13.920 And before you know it, the world is falling apart 473 00:28:14.660 --> 00:28:16.600 and nothing good is happening. 474 00:28:16.600 --> 00:28:19.880 And we believe the lie that, 475 00:28:21.160 --> 00:28:22.800 well, if this is happening over here, 476 00:28:23.360 --> 00:28:25.520 how could this ever happen over here? 477 00:28:26.660 --> 00:28:29.360 I want you to know that God knows who you are. 478 00:28:30.140 --> 00:28:31.680 He knows what you're going through 479 00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:34.760 and he knows how to get you to where he wants you to be. 480 00:28:35.580 --> 00:28:36.560 Trusting him in the process 481 00:28:36.560 --> 00:28:39.040 is gonna be vital to your victory. 482 00:28:39.880 --> 00:28:42.760 Remember, Jesus already died to give you the victory. 483 00:28:44.080 --> 00:28:45.460 It's already yours. 484 00:28:46.960 --> 00:28:49.660 It's stepping into it every day a little bit more, 485 00:28:49.820 --> 00:28:51.180 a little bit more, a little bit more 486 00:28:51.180 --> 00:28:52.420 that changes everything. 487 00:28:53.100 --> 00:28:55.280 All right, I'm gonna go through some lies tonight. 488 00:28:56.040 --> 00:28:59.240 I give you all seven tonight specifically. 489 00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:00.980 Now there are a lot more lies, 490 00:29:01.080 --> 00:29:04.220 but these are some that I feel really led to pull out. 491 00:29:07.060 --> 00:29:10.100 These are ones that a lot of people struggle with. 492 00:29:10.220 --> 00:29:12.240 Okay, I've seen them over and over and over again. 493 00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:17.420 Lie number one, you are insignificant. 494 00:29:19.160 --> 00:29:20.300 You're insignificant. 495 00:29:21.040 --> 00:29:24.380 So the definition of this is not significant, 496 00:29:25.180 --> 00:29:29.340 lacking meaning, not worth considering, unimportant. 497 00:29:31.840 --> 00:29:34.480 Has anyone ever told you that you weren't important? 498 00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:37.120 Maybe not even with their words, 499 00:29:37.180 --> 00:29:41.020 but their actions dismissed you? 500 00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:43.780 Talked around you? 501 00:29:44.840 --> 00:29:45.960 Spoke down to you? 502 00:29:47.400 --> 00:29:48.940 I don't know what that looked like for you, 503 00:29:48.960 --> 00:29:50.320 but that happens a lot. 504 00:29:50.440 --> 00:29:54.060 And then we carry that into every relationship 505 00:29:54.060 --> 00:29:55.420 that we show up in. 506 00:29:55.480 --> 00:29:58.700 Because internally, we believe we're insignificant 507 00:29:59.040 --> 00:29:59.980 because we partake of it. 508 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.620 partner with that lie at some point. 509 00:30:03.540 --> 00:30:08.300 Lie number two, you don't matter. So not only are we not 510 00:30:08.360 --> 00:30:11.600 in like, these are not truths. Again, these are lies. But not 511 00:30:11.600 --> 00:30:15.480 only are we believing the lie that we're insignificant, we're 512 00:30:15.480 --> 00:30:18.860 partnering with the lie that we don't matter. And if you don't 513 00:30:18.860 --> 00:30:22.180 struggle with any of these, awesome. But I know a lot of 514 00:30:22.240 --> 00:30:23.200 people do. 515 00:30:24.500 --> 00:30:28.180 Lie number three, you should be seen and not heard. 516 00:30:29.600 --> 00:30:33.400 Now, years ago, this was very common people, the kids would 517 00:30:33.400 --> 00:30:36.400 come to the dinner table and they were not allowed to speak. 518 00:30:37.100 --> 00:30:42.220 It's not so much like that in the same physical way now. But 519 00:30:42.220 --> 00:30:44.540 you know how we do it now? Y'all want to guess? 520 00:30:46.520 --> 00:30:47.780 What do we give our kids? 521 00:30:49.460 --> 00:30:54.120 We send them into the room and the other room to watch TV or we 522 00:30:54.120 --> 00:30:56.840 give them an iPad because I'm not saying we do this all the 523 00:30:56.840 --> 00:31:00.280 time is a negative thing. Okay, I'm not gonna if there's single 524 00:31:00.280 --> 00:31:03.540 mamas out here and you just need something to help because man 525 00:31:03.540 --> 00:31:06.120 you've got your you know, there's so much please do not 526 00:31:06.120 --> 00:31:09.000 think I'm putting that down. But there are some parents that 527 00:31:09.000 --> 00:31:10.500 literally don't want a parent. 528 00:31:12.660 --> 00:31:15.480 And so they just put their kids on devices. 529 00:31:17.520 --> 00:31:20.180 And they want them quiet. They don't want them asking a bunch 530 00:31:20.180 --> 00:31:22.800 of questions. I don't know if y'all ever have had kids and 531 00:31:22.800 --> 00:31:25.620 your backseat and they're like just one question after another 532 00:31:25.620 --> 00:31:30.040 after another. I remember when Michaela she was like, I think 533 00:31:30.040 --> 00:31:33.820 13 at the time. She used to be the quiet one. And she just 534 00:31:33.820 --> 00:31:36.460 became this little chatterbox just constant constant was one 535 00:31:36.460 --> 00:31:38.420 thing after another. And she just asked all these questions 536 00:31:39.160 --> 00:31:44.020 and I'm man her dad just drove him nuts. But she just was so 537 00:31:44.020 --> 00:31:46.740 like she was blossoming and she just had all these questions. 538 00:31:46.740 --> 00:31:51.480 But you know, he really shot that down in her a lot. And some 539 00:31:51.480 --> 00:31:56.400 of you all have had that happen too. So it doesn't always have 540 00:31:56.400 --> 00:31:59.100 to be around the table. It could have been in the car, it could 541 00:31:59.100 --> 00:32:02.400 have been in a conversation. Maybe your ex didn't think that 542 00:32:02.400 --> 00:32:05.280 your opinion should be voiced in front of other people. I don't 543 00:32:05.280 --> 00:32:08.060 know what that looks like for you. Line number four, you're 544 00:32:08.060 --> 00:32:13.020 not enough. The flip side of this that a lot of people hear 545 00:32:13.020 --> 00:32:17.420 is you're too much. So the enemy likes to like go back and forth 546 00:32:17.420 --> 00:32:20.180 with those two. You're not enough. You're too much. And 547 00:32:20.180 --> 00:32:23.580 he's like, you know, but both of those are saying kind of the 548 00:32:23.580 --> 00:32:29.880 same thing. Line number five, your opinion doesn't matter. So 549 00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:33.080 not only do you not matter, not only are you insignificant, but 550 00:32:33.080 --> 00:32:37.680 your opinion, what you think what you feel, it just doesn't 551 00:32:37.700 --> 00:32:42.780 matter. One of the stories I told this afternoon, and I feel 552 00:32:42.780 --> 00:32:47.340 like it's important to share it again tonight is my grandfather. 553 00:32:48.220 --> 00:32:51.620 I was really close with my dad's parents growing up. My dad left 554 00:32:51.780 --> 00:32:57.000 literally, when I was born, like no joke, took my mom's car. She 555 00:32:57.000 --> 00:33:02.880 was a single mom took the car and left. And my mom was left at 556 00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:07.560 the hospital didn't even have a ride home, y'all legit stuff. So 557 00:33:07.580 --> 00:33:12.860 anyways, my grandfather was awesome. And he was a huge part 558 00:33:12.860 --> 00:33:16.560 of my life. He was one of my softball coaches, he came to all 559 00:33:16.560 --> 00:33:19.720 my cheerleading stuff, he drove me and my friends around for 560 00:33:19.720 --> 00:33:23.900 cheerleading practices. Like, I rode the tractor with like, I 561 00:33:23.900 --> 00:33:29.300 spent a lot of time with my grandpa love him so much. But he 562 00:33:29.300 --> 00:33:36.460 when he passed away, in 2007, when I was at his funeral, we 563 00:33:36.460 --> 00:33:40.720 had just walked by the casket. And it was time to go in, it was 564 00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:46.540 kind of final goodbyes before the service. And I was I was 565 00:33:46.540 --> 00:33:50.540 really upset. You know, I love him. And he was no longer with 566 00:33:50.420 --> 00:33:54.800 us. And my oldest brother, who was the main abuser in the 567 00:33:54.720 --> 00:34:02.680 family, says to me, you need to pull yourself together. Y'all, 568 00:34:02.800 --> 00:34:07.720 thank God I was saved at the time. And I had finally learned 569 00:34:07.720 --> 00:34:10.639 how to use my voice. And I looked at him, I'm like, don't 570 00:34:10.639 --> 00:34:17.340 tell me what to do. If I want to cry, I'm gonna cry. And then 571 00:34:17.340 --> 00:34:21.400 I just turned around and walked into the service. Now y'all, I 572 00:34:21.400 --> 00:34:25.120 spoke at the service and and all of that. And but here's the 573 00:34:25.120 --> 00:34:28.639 reason I bring this up is that in that moment, when he did 574 00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:33.580 that, whether he realized it or not, he was basically telling me 575 00:34:33.580 --> 00:34:39.480 that what I felt was not okay. And that I needed to just put 576 00:34:39.480 --> 00:34:44.860 that away. Well, why? Why do people do that? Was it making 577 00:34:44.860 --> 00:34:48.020 him uncomfortable? I have no clue. I've never even asked him. 578 00:34:48.300 --> 00:34:51.120 But there are a lot of us that have gone through things like 579 00:34:51.120 --> 00:34:54.120 that, where our parents have like, just stop that. Stop that 580 00:34:55.340 --> 00:34:59.060 crying. And now sometimes, you know, some of us, I'm a feeler, 581 00:34:59.100 --> 00:34:59.980 you all, I 582 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.400 felt things very deeply. 583 00:35:02.180 --> 00:35:03.400 And I don't know that my family 584 00:35:03.400 --> 00:35:04.700 always knew what to do with that. 585 00:35:04.760 --> 00:35:08.020 But I do also remember not feeling safe 586 00:35:08.020 --> 00:35:09.340 like I could cry in my home. 587 00:35:09.460 --> 00:35:11.440 So a lot of times I would go into the garage, 588 00:35:11.440 --> 00:35:13.220 I would go into the back of our property. 589 00:35:13.620 --> 00:35:16.220 I didn't cry often in my home. 590 00:35:18.380 --> 00:35:20.560 So are you someone who was told 591 00:35:20.560 --> 00:35:22.860 that your feelings aren't valid, 592 00:35:23.060 --> 00:35:25.600 that they're not okay in someone else's presence? 593 00:35:26.760 --> 00:35:30.700 Lie number six, you're always going to have to beg. 594 00:35:32.600 --> 00:35:35.960 Now you may not have this thought on a regular basis, 595 00:35:36.280 --> 00:35:39.320 but here are some of the ways that it shows up. 596 00:35:41.180 --> 00:35:44.340 A sister, a friend of yours starts dating someone 597 00:35:44.340 --> 00:35:46.140 and all of a sudden you start panicking 598 00:35:46.140 --> 00:35:47.660 like there's not enough men. 599 00:35:49.240 --> 00:35:51.680 Number two, sometimes we'd, 600 00:35:51.980 --> 00:35:54.180 and it's not like we're literally going under tables, 601 00:35:54.180 --> 00:35:55.660 ladies and hanging out under there, 602 00:35:55.720 --> 00:35:58.200 but in our inside, in our subconscious, 603 00:35:58.900 --> 00:36:01.340 some of us are going under the table 604 00:36:01.340 --> 00:36:04.840 thinking that all we are gonna get are the scraps. 605 00:36:07.540 --> 00:36:11.900 Because we don't deserve the fullness of the table. 606 00:36:12.860 --> 00:36:14.880 Well, where does that come from in us? 607 00:36:14.940 --> 00:36:17.040 Well, it's this beggar, this orphan, 608 00:36:17.180 --> 00:36:20.420 the pauper that shows up instead of the princess. 609 00:36:20.520 --> 00:36:21.580 Remember a couple of weeks ago, 610 00:36:21.580 --> 00:36:22.660 we talked about the princess 611 00:36:22.660 --> 00:36:24.540 and practicing walking in that. 612 00:36:25.420 --> 00:36:26.920 The pauper and the princess, 613 00:36:27.400 --> 00:36:29.500 those are the opposites of each other. 614 00:36:30.680 --> 00:36:33.960 Where do you feel like you have to beg God for something? 615 00:36:34.780 --> 00:36:38.180 Because I think it's more than just our love life, ladies. 616 00:36:38.660 --> 00:36:40.820 I think this shows up in a lot of areas, 617 00:36:41.260 --> 00:36:44.580 but that comes from not truly knowing who God is 618 00:36:44.580 --> 00:36:46.160 and who you are to him. 619 00:36:47.300 --> 00:36:48.640 You're his daughter. 620 00:36:49.020 --> 00:36:50.740 You're a daughter of the king. 621 00:36:52.660 --> 00:36:56.100 A king who owns the cattle, 622 00:36:56.160 --> 00:36:57.920 whatever it says, the cattle on the hills, 623 00:36:58.080 --> 00:36:59.140 a thousand cattle on the hills. 624 00:36:59.320 --> 00:37:00.540 I mean, you know, mansions. 625 00:37:00.720 --> 00:37:03.140 This is not a God who is stingy, 626 00:37:04.800 --> 00:37:07.960 yet that's how we view him with us. 627 00:37:08.840 --> 00:37:09.960 Well, where does that come from? 628 00:37:10.920 --> 00:37:13.860 Let's seek that out and not keep living in that. 629 00:37:14.180 --> 00:37:14.780 Line number seven. 630 00:37:15.560 --> 00:37:16.960 If they really knew me, 631 00:37:17.280 --> 00:37:19.180 if they really knew what I did, 632 00:37:19.700 --> 00:37:21.080 the mistakes I've made, 633 00:37:21.080 --> 00:37:25.380 they wouldn't accept me, love me, choose me. 634 00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:29.860 Some of you all believe the lie that men will not choose you 635 00:37:29.860 --> 00:37:31.600 because you're a single parent with kids, 636 00:37:34.820 --> 00:37:36.800 because you feel like it's baggage. 637 00:37:37.100 --> 00:37:38.480 That's not truth. 638 00:37:40.320 --> 00:37:42.840 All of these lies that I've pointed out tonight 639 00:37:42.940 --> 00:37:46.180 all point back to us having low self-esteem 640 00:37:46.180 --> 00:37:47.460 in one way or another, 641 00:37:47.460 --> 00:37:51.580 pointing to us not understanding our value or worth, 642 00:37:52.260 --> 00:37:55.020 popper orphan mentalities, limited belief systems, 643 00:37:55.380 --> 00:37:58.400 you know, things that God is trying to call us out of 644 00:37:58.400 --> 00:37:59.460 a little bit more tonight. 645 00:37:59.940 --> 00:38:03.220 Here's some truths for you to meditate on in the days ahead. 646 00:38:04.580 --> 00:38:06.860 Proverbs 12 49 in the NIV says this, 647 00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:10.460 a wife of noble character is her husband's crown. 648 00:38:10.940 --> 00:38:13.580 So a couple of weeks ago, I had you all practicing, 649 00:38:14.340 --> 00:38:16.980 you know, putting on a tiara, putting on a crown, 650 00:38:16.980 --> 00:38:18.440 walking like a princess. 651 00:38:19.240 --> 00:38:20.140 If again, if you're new, 652 00:38:20.380 --> 00:38:22.700 we'll circle back around to that activation again. 653 00:38:23.640 --> 00:38:28.760 But have you considered that a wife of noble character 654 00:38:28.760 --> 00:38:30.300 as you continue to heal, 655 00:38:30.880 --> 00:38:33.220 hopefully you will be stepping into that noble character 656 00:38:33.220 --> 00:38:35.280 more and more and more, not perfect. 657 00:38:36.180 --> 00:38:37.720 Okay, that's not what I'm saying. 658 00:38:38.320 --> 00:38:40.800 But character that is honorable, 659 00:38:41.100 --> 00:38:44.780 that does honorable things and chooses honorable things. 660 00:38:45.780 --> 00:38:49.180 You are then a crown to your husband. 661 00:38:50.820 --> 00:38:52.540 Do you view yourself that way? 662 00:38:54.540 --> 00:38:57.020 Truly, like be really honest with yourself. 663 00:38:57.240 --> 00:39:00.160 Do you view yourself as a blessing 664 00:39:00.160 --> 00:39:03.380 to the head of your husband, to his life, 665 00:39:03.500 --> 00:39:06.140 that you crown him with good things? 666 00:39:07.140 --> 00:39:11.020 The second lie, yes, thank you Kalandra 667 00:39:11.020 --> 00:39:12.200 for putting that in there. 668 00:39:13.720 --> 00:39:16.220 Number seven was, if they really knew me, 669 00:39:16.220 --> 00:39:18.880 they wouldn't accept me, love me, choose me. 670 00:39:18.960 --> 00:39:19.980 That one's a little longer, 671 00:39:20.180 --> 00:39:23.980 but I also added in there if they really knew what I did, 672 00:39:25.540 --> 00:39:27.640 mistakes I've made, all of that kind of stuff. 673 00:39:29.280 --> 00:39:31.300 Let's see here, Ephesians 1.5, it says, 674 00:39:31.520 --> 00:39:34.900 in love he predestined us for adoption 675 00:39:35.180 --> 00:39:37.420 to sonship through Jesus Christ 676 00:39:37.420 --> 00:39:39.300 in accordance with his pleasure and will. 677 00:39:39.740 --> 00:39:41.200 Why am I pointing this out tonight? 678 00:39:41.200 --> 00:39:43.540 Well, the reminder is that you're adopted. 679 00:39:44.520 --> 00:39:46.700 If you're believing that you're on the outside, 680 00:39:46.900 --> 00:39:49.140 just barely trying to reach in 681 00:39:49.140 --> 00:39:52.160 and maybe God will squeak out a blessing for me. 682 00:39:53.080 --> 00:39:55.080 Again, you all, it's not like that's actually 683 00:39:55.080 --> 00:39:57.120 how what we're thinking necessarily, 684 00:39:57.380 --> 00:39:59.880 but sometimes how we're living and how we're. 685 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.080 Pleading and begging, God, please, God, please, God. 686 00:40:06.260 --> 00:40:10.900 No, we can just like partner with, God, thank you so much that you love me 687 00:40:11.200 --> 00:40:14.940 and that you're working in my life and that you're going to, you know, 688 00:40:15.080 --> 00:40:18.720 lead me into the fullness of the blessings that you have for my life. 689 00:40:19.120 --> 00:40:21.800 Totally different than pleading, isn't it? 690 00:40:21.800 --> 00:40:26.780 Now, I'm not saying God doesn't ever ask us to travail in prayer 691 00:40:26.780 --> 00:40:30.840 because sometimes that is the case, but that is different than begging. 692 00:40:32.140 --> 00:40:32.560 All right? 693 00:40:33.420 --> 00:40:37.940 So you're a daughter of the king, you're adopted into the family, 694 00:40:38.580 --> 00:40:40.580 all that is his is yours. 695 00:40:41.360 --> 00:40:43.240 Isaiah 43, 4 says this, 696 00:40:43.400 --> 00:40:47.840 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, 697 00:40:48.140 --> 00:40:53.740 I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. 698 00:40:54.420 --> 00:40:58.640 God loves us so much that he's like, I'll give things up for you. 699 00:40:59.480 --> 00:41:04.000 People, nations, because you're precious and you're honored in my sight 700 00:41:04.000 --> 00:41:05.120 and I love you. 701 00:41:05.480 --> 00:41:09.500 That's what he's saying to the people back then and that's what he's saying to us today. 702 00:41:11.760 --> 00:41:14.380 Jen, welcome for your first session. I just saw that in there. 703 00:41:14.860 --> 00:41:15.440 That's awesome. 704 00:41:16.580 --> 00:41:17.760 Luke 12, 7 says, 705 00:41:17.920 --> 00:41:21.980 Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 706 00:41:22.620 --> 00:41:25.980 Don't be afraid. You are worth more than sparrows. 707 00:41:29.600 --> 00:41:33.120 I'm remembering as I'm going some of the things that came up in the spirit this afternoon. 708 00:41:33.460 --> 00:41:35.260 Praise the Lord. God is so good to help me remember. 709 00:41:35.940 --> 00:41:38.440 Because there's extra things that I didn't have in my notes. 710 00:41:38.600 --> 00:41:42.900 I want you all this week, this is not one of your activations, but it's an extra. 711 00:41:43.800 --> 00:41:47.780 I want you to start, when you're outside specifically, 712 00:41:48.780 --> 00:41:54.140 I want you to start looking at animals, trees, color. 713 00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:58.320 I want you to start connecting with things God has created. 714 00:41:59.020 --> 00:42:04.800 For example, I love dragonflies and butterflies so much. 715 00:42:05.140 --> 00:42:07.880 They just are such fun creatures. 716 00:42:08.100 --> 00:42:11.880 Dragonflies, if you ever just, they're just all over. 717 00:42:12.840 --> 00:42:14.300 It's just awesome. 718 00:42:15.440 --> 00:42:17.660 They just seem like they have so much life. 719 00:42:18.460 --> 00:42:20.500 I don't know. It's really great. 720 00:42:20.840 --> 00:42:27.160 It just does something in me and helps me remember that there is goodness all around me. 721 00:42:27.180 --> 00:42:29.360 I love when I'm walking. 722 00:42:30.080 --> 00:42:31.500 I was telling the ladies this afternoon, 723 00:42:31.800 --> 00:42:35.540 I want you all to go out and maybe go for a walk. 724 00:42:35.960 --> 00:42:37.180 What do you see? 725 00:42:37.240 --> 00:42:38.800 Not just like, oh, there's the sky. 726 00:42:39.140 --> 00:42:41.060 What color of blue is it? 727 00:42:41.140 --> 00:42:42.920 What smells do you smell? 728 00:42:42.920 --> 00:42:44.160 Do you like the smell? 729 00:42:44.420 --> 00:42:45.560 Do you not like the smell? 730 00:42:46.440 --> 00:42:49.580 Maybe you don't break somebody's whole tree branch off or anything, 731 00:42:49.660 --> 00:42:51.300 but feel a leaf. 732 00:42:52.380 --> 00:42:56.540 Pick a flower, if it's not someone's porch flower, but you know what I'm saying. 733 00:42:57.100 --> 00:43:01.100 Maybe go by a stream and just listen to the water for a little bit. 734 00:43:01.440 --> 00:43:05.340 I want you to pay attention to how it makes you feel. 735 00:43:07.080 --> 00:43:08.880 Do you love birds singing? 736 00:43:10.520 --> 00:43:11.780 Do you love bird watching? 737 00:43:11.780 --> 00:43:14.560 I guess that's like coming back now these days. 738 00:43:14.920 --> 00:43:16.940 That's like a new trend coming. 739 00:43:17.180 --> 00:43:21.520 It's always been around, but I feel like I've heard more and more people talking about it again. 740 00:43:22.320 --> 00:43:23.620 But what is that for you? 741 00:43:24.520 --> 00:43:26.860 I want you to reconnect with your senses. 742 00:43:27.280 --> 00:43:32.580 Part of healing your heart is actually getting to know your heart better. 743 00:43:34.940 --> 00:43:38.240 Connecting with the sounds, the sights, the smells, 744 00:43:38.240 --> 00:43:44.380 that is reconnecting you with your sensory giftings and the abilities that God has given us. 745 00:43:45.140 --> 00:43:47.340 Super important in your healing process. 746 00:43:47.840 --> 00:43:51.180 And I want you to understand what that scripture is saying. 747 00:43:51.780 --> 00:43:52.540 Look at the sparrows. 748 00:43:52.780 --> 00:43:54.280 Look at how beautiful they are. 749 00:43:54.640 --> 00:43:58.960 Even if you don't see sparrows, but whatever the birds are and the sounds that they make 750 00:43:58.960 --> 00:44:04.600 and how beautiful that sound can be, unless it's a squawking kind of bird, 751 00:44:04.640 --> 00:44:06.720 then you're like, get out of here, bird. 752 00:44:06.720 --> 00:44:11.720 But I don't know about you guys, but there's something about when a rooster crows. 753 00:44:12.100 --> 00:44:15.800 When we walk on Wednesday mornings and we walk our property here at the church, 754 00:44:16.080 --> 00:44:20.260 I don't know who has a rooster somewhere in one of the neighborhoods by us, 755 00:44:20.260 --> 00:44:27.380 but early in the morning when the rooster crows, there's something about like, wake up, everybody. 756 00:44:28.040 --> 00:44:29.480 Like it's morning. 757 00:44:29.860 --> 00:44:30.960 It's a new day. 758 00:44:32.320 --> 00:44:34.760 I went on a retreat years ago and they had this. 759 00:44:34.760 --> 00:44:38.880 I don't remember the verse or the song, but it was called Koinonia, 760 00:44:39.300 --> 00:44:41.380 and there was this song about a rooster. 761 00:44:41.900 --> 00:44:44.800 And it was such a fun little song, and maybe that's why I love it. 762 00:44:44.800 --> 00:44:49.960 But also when I was in Haiti years ago, there were roosters, and every morning they would, 763 00:44:50.280 --> 00:44:55.860 same thing, you know, you would hear them crowing and stuff. 764 00:44:55.880 --> 00:44:59.440 And it was just this beautiful, like, awakening of the day. 765 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.520 standing on the top of this building 766 00:45:01.520 --> 00:45:04.740 where we were staying in Haiti and doing my devotions. 767 00:45:04.860 --> 00:45:07.020 And it just brings back sweet memories for me. 768 00:45:08.220 --> 00:45:10.020 Do you see how I just made a connection 769 00:45:10.020 --> 00:45:11.380 to a rooster crowing? 770 00:45:13.380 --> 00:45:16.840 So, oh, how fun, Shakira saw roosters today. 771 00:45:16.940 --> 00:45:18.700 Well, maybe this story is for you 772 00:45:18.700 --> 00:45:20.460 because I didn't tell this story this afternoon. 773 00:45:21.360 --> 00:45:23.800 But again, think about these things, 774 00:45:23.800 --> 00:45:25.820 like a rooster crowing connected 775 00:45:25.820 --> 00:45:27.680 to several memories for me. 776 00:45:28.520 --> 00:45:30.460 So what are the things that you hear 777 00:45:30.460 --> 00:45:32.040 that can connect you to good memories 778 00:45:32.040 --> 00:45:35.000 and help you step further away from the memories 779 00:45:35.000 --> 00:45:36.980 that are not healthy and good for you? 780 00:45:37.040 --> 00:45:38.460 Okay, I'm gonna keep going. 781 00:45:38.660 --> 00:45:40.960 I wanna share a couple other things, 782 00:45:41.160 --> 00:45:42.720 and then we're gonna go into breakout session. 783 00:45:43.640 --> 00:45:46.020 I want you to be, a lot of people will be like, 784 00:45:46.060 --> 00:45:48.220 well, how do I know if I have limited belief systems 785 00:45:48.220 --> 00:45:49.140 or what they are? 786 00:45:49.420 --> 00:45:52.720 If there's anything that leads you 787 00:45:52.720 --> 00:45:54.820 to think that God is not good, 788 00:45:55.500 --> 00:45:58.920 or like I said, that you have to beg for something, 789 00:45:59.640 --> 00:46:02.760 that he only blesses other people and doesn't bless you. 790 00:46:03.740 --> 00:46:06.120 Limited belief systems, it could show up in money too, 791 00:46:06.140 --> 00:46:08.820 but it shows up in every area of our lives, truly. 792 00:46:10.620 --> 00:46:12.400 Like when you look at things, 793 00:46:12.780 --> 00:46:15.360 you tend to see the glass half empty 794 00:46:15.360 --> 00:46:18.360 versus what God, the blessings that God is providing. 795 00:46:19.380 --> 00:46:22.600 Those tend to flow out of these limited belief systems 796 00:46:22.600 --> 00:46:24.940 that we're carrying in our hearts and our souls. 797 00:46:25.540 --> 00:46:28.300 And so I wanna encourage you all to be praying 798 00:46:28.300 --> 00:46:31.340 and asking God to reveal any area 799 00:46:31.340 --> 00:46:34.320 where you have thoughts and heart postures 800 00:46:34.320 --> 00:46:36.880 and mindsets that don't align with heaven. 801 00:46:38.400 --> 00:46:40.380 You know, the Bible talks about thinking on things 802 00:46:40.380 --> 00:46:43.160 that are true, noble, lovely, and of good report, 803 00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:45.220 things that are above only and not beneath. 804 00:46:45.880 --> 00:46:48.640 Like what are the beneath kind of thoughts that you have? 805 00:46:51.740 --> 00:46:53.580 What I mean by that is, you know, 806 00:46:53.700 --> 00:46:55.160 do you think that you're this, 807 00:46:55.160 --> 00:46:56.720 I don't know if this is for someone, 808 00:46:56.960 --> 00:46:58.140 but it's coming up in my spirit. 809 00:46:58.220 --> 00:46:59.500 Do you think that you're dirty 810 00:46:59.660 --> 00:47:01.840 because of a mistake you made in the past? 811 00:47:02.200 --> 00:47:04.240 But God is saying he's cleansed you 812 00:47:04.280 --> 00:47:07.200 when you've repented and turned that over to him. 813 00:47:07.980 --> 00:47:09.660 You know, that's beneath thinking. 814 00:47:10.320 --> 00:47:12.900 Now, there's no shame if that's where you're at, 815 00:47:12.980 --> 00:47:14.660 but I want you to recognize it 816 00:47:14.660 --> 00:47:16.940 and know that God doesn't want you to stay there. 817 00:47:17.060 --> 00:47:18.620 He wants you to heal and get better. 818 00:47:18.620 --> 00:47:20.440 And come out of that place into the fullness 819 00:47:20.440 --> 00:47:23.560 of his presence and truth and life that he has for you. 820 00:47:24.060 --> 00:47:26.180 All right, so here's your breakout question. 821 00:47:27.120 --> 00:47:29.460 What broken heart aspect do you relate 822 00:47:29.460 --> 00:47:31.440 with the most tonight and why? 823 00:47:31.580 --> 00:47:34.380 So the liar, the puzzle, the pretender, 824 00:47:34.880 --> 00:47:36.880 maybe it's a couple of them, maybe it's all of them, 825 00:47:36.880 --> 00:47:39.000 but what broken heart aspect do you relate 826 00:47:39.000 --> 00:47:40.840 to the most tonight and why? 827 00:47:41.700 --> 00:47:44.300 Remember, the liar is, hey, we've got, you know, 828 00:47:44.300 --> 00:47:46.200 the broken heart has all the lies in it. 829 00:47:46.200 --> 00:47:50.320 The puzzle is like that chaos, that confusion, 830 00:47:50.760 --> 00:47:54.720 just being uncertain of yourself a lot, excuse me. 831 00:47:54.900 --> 00:47:56.600 And then that pretender, the mask, 832 00:47:57.040 --> 00:47:59.300 convincing yourself you're good, you've got this, 833 00:47:59.400 --> 00:48:02.760 you don't need anybody, or dare I say, 834 00:48:03.180 --> 00:48:06.220 being, you know, a boss babe. 835 00:48:06.680 --> 00:48:08.640 And, you know, again, like, that's amazing. 836 00:48:08.900 --> 00:48:12.140 I'm successful too, but I know that I need people. 837 00:48:12.820 --> 00:48:15.420 Praise the Lord that I have my husband in my life 838 00:48:15.860 --> 00:48:18.520 and I have friends and a community 839 00:48:18.640 --> 00:48:21.000 and people investing in my life. 840 00:48:21.040 --> 00:48:22.880 All right, so that's what you're gonna talk about. 841 00:48:22.920 --> 00:48:25.400 I'm gonna get the breakout rooms ready for you. 842 00:48:26.820 --> 00:48:29.640 I'm excited for y'all to have this conversation tonight. 843 00:48:36.540 --> 00:48:41.200 I'm gonna give you eight, yeah, eight minutes, that's fine. 844 00:48:42.140 --> 00:48:44.500 All right, go ahead and click those as soon as you can 845 00:48:44.500 --> 00:48:46.240 to get in there and chat. 846 00:48:46.740 --> 00:48:49.100 Get to know each other a little bit as well, ladies, okay? 847 00:48:55.660 --> 00:48:57.100 All right, I'll start to pray 848 00:48:57.100 --> 00:48:59.760 as soon as I get several of these ladies, 849 00:48:59.860 --> 00:49:01.440 people situated here. 850 00:49:01.620 --> 00:49:03.440 So I'm gonna make sure people aren't by themselves. 851 00:49:03.620 --> 00:49:05.140 So, Glenna, by yourself. 852 00:49:05.800 --> 00:49:06.540 Move her. 853 00:49:08.480 --> 00:49:09.120 Oh, shoot. 854 00:49:17.700 --> 00:49:18.220 Lisa? 855 00:49:19.360 --> 00:49:21.120 Yeah, I'm having that same issue 856 00:49:21.120 --> 00:49:22.920 where it just keeps saying the recording has stopped 857 00:49:22.920 --> 00:49:24.460 and it just takes me back. 858 00:49:24.780 --> 00:49:25.780 I don't know why. 859 00:49:25.880 --> 00:49:27.660 I've not had anybody else saying 860 00:49:27.660 --> 00:49:29.760 they're having that issue, it's so weird. 861 00:49:30.360 --> 00:49:31.440 Yeah, it is weird. 862 00:49:31.780 --> 00:49:33.320 Hold on one second. 863 00:49:33.880 --> 00:49:34.840 Sure, no worries. 864 00:49:36.040 --> 00:49:38.480 Rachel, did it pop you out as well? 865 00:49:41.260 --> 00:49:42.180 Oh, you're muted. 866 00:49:42.180 --> 00:49:42.860 It's okay. 867 00:49:45.700 --> 00:49:48.080 If you hover over the bottom of your screen, 868 00:49:48.260 --> 00:49:49.760 I think that's maybe you're trying to figure out 869 00:49:49.760 --> 00:49:50.880 the tech side of things. 870 00:49:51.080 --> 00:49:53.060 If you hover over the bottom of your screen, 871 00:49:54.480 --> 00:49:55.700 let me just move. 872 00:49:55.800 --> 00:49:57.640 I don't know how to get you in the room. 873 00:49:57.820 --> 00:49:59.980 I wish I knew what to do to fix this for you. 874 00:49:59.960 --> 00:49:59.960 875 00:49:59.980 --> 00:49:59.980 876 00:49:59.980 --> 00:49:59.980 877 00:49:59.980 --> 00:49:59.980 878 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.300 you. But what we'll do is I'll just give you an opportunity to share while you're here and I can, 879 00:50:05.820 --> 00:50:10.000 you know, work that through with you just like you would. I just feel bad because you're not 880 00:50:10.000 --> 00:50:14.220 getting the opportunity to connect with your sisters. Do you want to go out of the meeting 881 00:50:14.220 --> 00:50:18.100 and come back in and see if we can fix it this time or do you want to just go ahead and share? 882 00:50:18.180 --> 00:50:23.900 It's totally up to you. I'll try that. Yeah, let's see if we can make it work. Okay. 883 00:50:29.080 --> 00:50:35.020 Let's see. All right, Father, we just thank you so much for this night. God, 884 00:50:35.040 --> 00:50:39.740 I thank you for revealings for healing that are happening. God, I thank you for bringing 885 00:50:39.960 --> 00:50:45.340 truth in the midst of every lie that we have believed. God, I thank you for 886 00:50:46.440 --> 00:50:52.920 just encountering us in a special new way. I thank you, God, for helping us to hear what 887 00:50:52.920 --> 00:50:57.320 your Spirit is saying about us louder than any voice of the enemy. I thank you, God, 888 00:50:57.520 --> 00:51:02.980 for the new story that you're writing for us. I thank you that you are the potter and we're the 889 00:51:02.740 --> 00:51:09.400 clay. God, that you're molding us and making us brand new with care. You're not slopping us 890 00:51:09.400 --> 00:51:14.700 around on that potter's wheel and stuff going everywhere. God, you're intentional and you're 891 00:51:14.700 --> 00:51:19.640 loving us and you're caring in the way that you're molding and making. And even when the 892 00:51:19.740 --> 00:51:26.160 cracks start to come in, God, you don't just chop that part off. Lord, I thank you that you just 893 00:51:26.160 --> 00:51:31.060 soothe that stuff into place. And I just thank you that you would just continue to show us 894 00:51:31.160 --> 00:51:38.860 how you were there for us, even when we didn't know you were there. Lisa, it still didn't. 895 00:51:39.400 --> 00:51:41.900 Oh, that's right. I got to try to put you in a room. Let's see if this will work. 896 00:51:47.920 --> 00:51:55.300 One. All right, let's see if it'll let you go in there. So, Father, we just thank you for continuing 897 00:51:55.300 --> 00:52:00.720 to help us to partner with your truth. I thank you that you would give us upgrades in our 898 00:52:00.760 --> 00:52:08.620 understanding of who you are as love and who you are as hope, peace, goodness, kindness, 899 00:52:08.620 --> 00:52:16.440 faithfulness, gentleness. God, I thank you for inviting us into all truth and anoint us for all 900 00:52:16.440 --> 00:52:20.480 of our lives and walk in calling and that you would lead us deeper into Jesus tonight, into 901 00:52:20.480 --> 00:52:28.060 the revelation of the freedom that he died to give us. I thank you for continuing to lead us into, 902 00:52:28.920 --> 00:52:33.540 I wrote this this afternoon in someone's thing, but it's coming up in my spirit again, 903 00:52:33.540 --> 00:52:39.420 wide open spaces. And God had me say something to her about, I saw this wild horse and I just, 904 00:52:39.840 --> 00:52:44.080 if that resonates for anyone else, I just feel led to release that as well. And I just kept hearing 905 00:52:44.500 --> 00:52:51.480 freedom, freedom for her. And I speak that over all of you as well. Lisa, hi again. Do you want 906 00:52:51.480 --> 00:52:56.980 to go ahead and try to share instead? That way you at least have opportunity. Yeah. And I'm 907 00:52:56.980 --> 00:53:01.700 thinking like maybe if this, I don't know why this has been happening, but if it happens again, 908 00:53:01.700 --> 00:53:08.560 next week, I'm wondering if maybe, I don't know, it's just an idea. Maybe you don't put somebody 909 00:53:08.560 --> 00:53:13.200 else in the room and then we just share here, but then I know you'd be a part of hearing us. So I 910 00:53:13.200 --> 00:53:17.800 don't know. I don't know. I'm just wondering if your goal is to have me connect with community, 911 00:53:17.900 --> 00:53:25.620 that could be one way around the thing. The tricky part is that there's not a room number for the 912 00:53:25.620 --> 00:53:31.140 main room. I can't just put other people in the main room. Does that make sense? 913 00:53:31.140 --> 00:53:35.500 What I'm saying is that you would leave somebody out. So you're not putting them in a room 914 00:53:35.760 --> 00:53:39.120 or, Oh, you mean you don't have that option not to hold, to hold someone back. 915 00:53:39.400 --> 00:53:44.620 Yeah, no, it just puts everybody. I mean, if I sat in planned ahead, if I knew everybody that 916 00:53:44.620 --> 00:53:47.540 was going to be on a session, I could do something like that. But unfortunately, 917 00:53:48.040 --> 00:53:53.360 okay. Yeah. We just do kind of an automated, but if you want to go, you can even wait and 918 00:53:53.360 --> 00:53:57.800 share when everybody comes back. If you want to just listen while I pray or you can share now. 919 00:53:59.380 --> 00:54:08.460 Yeah. I'm, I'm fine either. I mean, I can share, I can, I'm fine either way. I don't I'll share now 920 00:54:08.460 --> 00:54:13.500 if you want it. I just want you to make the choice. I don't want you to go ahead. Yeah, 921 00:54:13.500 --> 00:54:24.920 I know. I could see that. Yeah. So I think for me, actually two things came up. One was I didn't, 922 00:54:24.920 --> 00:54:28.240 I was really surprised because at first I was like, Oh, that's not me. But then the more you 923 00:54:28.240 --> 00:54:32.980 started describing it, I was like, Oh, I think that is me. So it's the number six, you're always 924 00:54:32.980 --> 00:54:40.240 going to have to beg. So I think it really stems from my parents separating when I was 15. And then 925 00:54:40.240 --> 00:54:45.520 I lived with two different families. My last year was a high school and I saw the money provision, 926 00:54:45.840 --> 00:54:49.940 like totally, it was all my dad now. And then what we used to have wasn't there because we were 927 00:54:49.940 --> 00:54:55.760 two family, you know, income, um, both my parents worked. So I think that really started. And I 928 00:54:55.760 --> 00:54:59.980 think it's actually probably been affecting my financial things. I've been very. 929 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.340 pretty hand to mouth my whole life. Some of that is just me 930 00:55:04.340 --> 00:55:07.360 choosing not to work for corporate because I had a really 931 00:55:07.360 --> 00:55:09.680 bad experience with my first job. And so I just said, I'm 932 00:55:09.680 --> 00:55:13.200 never gonna do that again. So I was escaping pain, you know, um, 933 00:55:13.200 --> 00:55:16.720 so I see that not as a judgment. I just I've seen that go through 934 00:55:16.720 --> 00:55:20.160 this course that a lot of the way I deal with stuff is to 935 00:55:20.160 --> 00:55:20.640 avoid pain. 936 00:55:21.480 --> 00:55:25.000 So when you say very hand to mouth, tell me when is the first 937 00:55:25.000 --> 00:55:27.640 time you believed that even though I know it's true, but I 938 00:55:27.760 --> 00:55:31.880 want to understand, when is the first time you partnered with 939 00:55:31.880 --> 00:55:32.240 that? 940 00:55:33.320 --> 00:55:36.940 I think honestly, something came up for me not too long ago 941 00:55:36.940 --> 00:55:39.700 through this course that's coming up right now, which was 942 00:55:39.700 --> 00:55:43.260 I when my parents were still together, I had asked for a 943 00:55:43.260 --> 00:55:47.300 lamp for my birthday. And it was like, for like a living room 944 00:55:47.300 --> 00:55:51.140 lamp, like not like, you know, it was like very adult, right? 945 00:55:51.140 --> 00:55:53.740 If you're gonna have your own home. And my mom had asked me, 946 00:55:53.860 --> 00:55:56.420 I got the lamp. And she'd asked me why I chose that. And I 947 00:55:56.420 --> 00:56:01.400 said, Well, because when I move out, then I'll have it. So I to 948 00:56:01.400 --> 00:56:04.560 be preparing, you know, before the age of 15, for something 949 00:56:04.560 --> 00:56:08.020 like that, I don't know, I don't know if that's, maybe that's 950 00:56:08.020 --> 00:56:10.500 just me being, you know, thinking ahead, I'm definitely 951 00:56:10.720 --> 00:56:14.600 a planner. But I don't know if it comes from that or not. But I 952 00:56:14.600 --> 00:56:20.000 just remember, like, I grew up in a household where I just we 953 00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:22.980 were upper middle class, you know, I'm 60, I'll be 61 in 954 00:56:22.980 --> 00:56:28.960 November, and I just never had to want. And I only started 955 00:56:28.960 --> 00:56:31.820 having to want when I lived with that first family, like I 956 00:56:31.820 --> 00:56:35.160 remember getting a postage stamp. And they told me I would 957 00:56:35.160 --> 00:56:39.640 need to pay for it. And I just, you know, I just wasn't used to 958 00:56:39.640 --> 00:56:41.980 that. I was on a huge learning curve, you know, this family 959 00:56:41.980 --> 00:56:44.280 lived very different than me, like we had to take 10 minute 960 00:56:44.280 --> 00:56:46.300 showers, I didn't grow up like that. It was just, you know, 961 00:56:46.420 --> 00:56:49.560 good or bad, just very different. So I thought, 962 00:56:49.560 --> 00:56:52.100 remind me why you live with those people. 963 00:56:52.780 --> 00:56:56.480 Because my parents split up. So my mom left. Yeah. And then 964 00:56:56.480 --> 00:56:58.780 three months later, my dad got a job promotion, he had to move 965 00:56:58.780 --> 00:57:01.460 to another town. And then he said, you're going to have to 966 00:57:01.460 --> 00:57:04.740 come with one of us. And I was a really good kid until then. And 967 00:57:04.740 --> 00:57:06.820 I said, Well, I'm not going with either of you. I'm going to go 968 00:57:06.820 --> 00:57:10.760 get my own apartment. So it's a long story. But in a nutshell, 969 00:57:10.960 --> 00:57:14.460 that's what happened. And then this family, they my parents 970 00:57:14.460 --> 00:57:18.820 had been talking to them over dinner. And they said, Yeah, we 971 00:57:18.820 --> 00:57:21.020 don't know what we're going to do with Lisa. This is what she's 972 00:57:21.020 --> 00:57:24.480 telling us. And then three days later, they came over to our 973 00:57:24.480 --> 00:57:28.060 house. I didn't know any of this conversation had happened. And 974 00:57:28.200 --> 00:57:30.300 they said they really thought about it. And they would love 975 00:57:30.300 --> 00:57:33.220 for us to come live with them, me for me to come live with 976 00:57:33.020 --> 00:57:36.520 them. So my brother was like best friends with their oldest 977 00:57:36.380 --> 00:57:40.980 son. So we had known them for definitely like 10 years or so. 978 00:57:41.140 --> 00:57:43.880 And our families were the whole neighborhood was very close. I 979 00:57:43.880 --> 00:57:46.740 grew up in a very close knit town. 980 00:57:47.420 --> 00:57:49.020 And how old were you at that time? 981 00:57:51.400 --> 00:57:55.740 Well, it was definitely I was 15. Yeah, I was 15 because I 982 00:57:55.740 --> 00:57:59.660 celebrated my 16th birthday at their house. Okay, I was 15. 983 00:58:00.860 --> 00:58:06.000 Welcome back, everybody. So Lisa has tried so hard the last two 984 00:58:06.000 --> 00:58:08.880 weeks to go into breakout. And for some reason, it keeps 985 00:58:08.880 --> 00:58:11.960 kicking her back out. So I just am letting her share here. So 986 00:58:11.960 --> 00:58:14.380 we'll start additional group shares here in a minute. But I 987 00:58:14.900 --> 00:58:17.480 also give you all activations, but I want to just help her 988 00:58:17.480 --> 00:58:22.060 unpack this a little more. So would you say they were stingy? 989 00:58:22.060 --> 00:58:23.540 Or were they just frugal? 990 00:58:25.700 --> 00:58:29.880 Very frugal, but it was really weird. It was just a big deal 991 00:58:29.880 --> 00:58:33.400 for me because I was so young still, you know, and I really 992 00:58:33.400 --> 00:58:36.740 hadn't experienced life outside of my family. I was only 15. And 993 00:58:36.740 --> 00:58:39.560 I just thought everybody lived like I did. And then I realized 994 00:58:39.560 --> 00:58:42.680 that they didn't. And so, you know, it's like being a study 995 00:58:42.680 --> 00:58:45.480 abroad student, you know, you you have to fit into the 996 00:58:45.480 --> 00:58:48.420 culture, and you have to learn their ways. And it taught in 997 00:58:48.420 --> 00:58:52.000 some ways, it was really good for me, because it it. I think 998 00:58:52.000 --> 00:58:54.100 I was really spoiled, to be honest with you. I think my 999 00:58:54.100 --> 00:58:56.680 parents had their best intentions. But I think it got 1000 00:58:56.680 --> 00:59:00.460 to a point where I think the issue was that I never had their 1001 00:59:00.500 --> 00:59:03.160 time. And I wanted their time. I didn't want the money. I didn't 1002 00:59:03.160 --> 00:59:05.920 want the gifts. I wanted them. And I didn't know how to 1003 00:59:05.920 --> 00:59:08.740 articulate that. So it became kind of like nothing was good 1004 00:59:08.740 --> 00:59:10.860 enough for me. I got like that. 1005 00:59:11.460 --> 00:59:19.080 Okay, so, um, while it was good for you, do you feel at any 1006 00:59:19.080 --> 00:59:23.260 point that you resented your parents or them because you had 1007 00:59:23.260 --> 00:59:24.040 to live there? 1008 00:59:26.500 --> 00:59:27.940 No, no. 1009 00:59:28.200 --> 00:59:33.260 I'm just wondering where partnering I do think that, you 1010 00:59:33.260 --> 00:59:38.560 know, the lamp that you asked for, I think that as kids, we 1011 00:59:38.560 --> 00:59:43.020 do know if our parents have money or don't have money, or 1012 00:59:43.240 --> 00:59:45.720 that at some point, we might need to take care of ourselves. 1013 00:59:45.860 --> 00:59:49.260 So if you sensed in some way that your parents something was 1014 00:59:49.260 --> 00:59:52.280 going on with your parents, you might have already been starting 1015 00:59:52.400 --> 00:59:57.340 to ask for things to prepare for what you felt in your your 1016 00:59:57.340 --> 00:59:59.920 spirit, what was coming. So even that can be 1017 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.580 Protection mechanisms coming into play whether we realize it or not 1018 01:00:03.580 --> 01:00:06.860 And so I wouldn't just encourage you to pray into the lamp 1019 01:00:06.860 --> 01:00:11.820 You know the fact that you asked for a lamp and asked the Lord to reveal to you 1020 01:00:11.880 --> 01:00:19.140 Was it just because you wanted something and you were a planner or Lord? Was it because I sensed something was coming 1021 01:00:19.840 --> 01:00:22.000 that I was preparing for 1022 01:00:22.980 --> 01:00:28.900 Like myself to be taken care of and just see what the Lord brings to you and then about that family, you know 1023 01:00:28.900 --> 01:00:35.720 Yeah, I think that we can all learn a lot through going through different shifts of different environments and things like that 1024 01:00:35.720 --> 01:00:39.960 But I just want to encourage you to pray because that also came up tonight for a reason 1025 01:00:39.960 --> 01:00:45.660 I believe that and so just pray and ask the Lord. Is there anything Lord that needs revealed regarding? 1026 01:00:47.080 --> 01:00:49.380 You know some of the mindsets that I picked up 1027 01:00:50.120 --> 01:00:56.320 During the time of being with that family because while yes, God calls us to be good stewards of our money 1028 01:00:56.320 --> 01:00:59.480 I was reading this afternoon in that same book and it was talking about 1029 01:01:00.120 --> 01:01:04.600 Wealth isn't about just having a lot of money you all I 1030 01:01:04.600 --> 01:01:05.340 Don't know if you know that 1031 01:01:05.860 --> 01:01:09.220 But wealthy mindsets start in our heart 1032 01:01:10.700 --> 01:01:12.100 Living in abundant 1033 01:01:12.320 --> 01:01:17.560 Mindsets starts in our heart and then when we live and have abundant 1034 01:01:17.560 --> 01:01:25.480 Mindsets in our heart and and mind and our soul and our spirit then that starts to shift things in the physical realm. And so 1035 01:01:26.180 --> 01:01:28.800 Sometimes what can happen is we get 1036 01:01:30.580 --> 01:01:36.600 Kind of in a rut if you will because of certain other mindsets that we've picked up 1037 01:01:37.380 --> 01:01:43.440 Again, it's amazing and good to be frugal and to kind of have limits on how much you know 1038 01:01:43.680 --> 01:01:45.160 People are spending in things 1039 01:01:45.160 --> 01:01:49.460 but when you said and I'm not judging this at all and I understand it because I I 1040 01:01:49.460 --> 01:01:55.160 Had my two spiritual daughters and they could take some massively long showers you all I would be knocking on the door girls 1041 01:01:55.160 --> 01:01:55.700 Come on 1042 01:01:56.460 --> 01:01:58.760 Come on out of there. But um 1043 01:01:59.040 --> 01:02:01.740 But the fact that you had timed showers 1044 01:02:02.640 --> 01:02:06.120 you know, even if it wasn't official like but just 1045 01:02:06.380 --> 01:02:09.500 You know again, that's just a small thing. I'm not saying that's bad 1046 01:02:09.500 --> 01:02:13.240 But let's let's just take a look at it and see where the lord leads you with that. Okay 1047 01:02:13.840 --> 01:02:17.080 Yeah, and that was the family I lived with that had the timed showers 1048 01:02:17.100 --> 01:02:21.140 Yeah, and then one other thing I just want to add super quick because I think it all ties together 1049 01:02:21.140 --> 01:02:25.560 Is that I also identified with number seven, which was if they really knew me 1050 01:02:25.560 --> 01:02:30.500 they wouldn't like me love me or choose me and I think that is super a lot of abandonment from 1051 01:02:30.900 --> 01:02:33.180 the way our family split up because 1052 01:02:33.240 --> 01:02:37.380 It just felt like I wasn't good enough to take with them even though 1053 01:02:37.780 --> 01:02:40.100 I was the one saying i'm gonna go get my own apartment 1054 01:02:40.100 --> 01:02:42.240 I'm, not gonna go with either one of you, right? 1055 01:02:42.260 --> 01:02:44.540 But I think I needed a parent to say lisa 1056 01:02:44.540 --> 01:02:47.940 I'm, sorry, but you're gonna have to come you know, you're gonna have to choose 1057 01:02:47.980 --> 01:02:52.540 100 and then them saying hey, I want you to come with me 1058 01:02:55.260 --> 01:02:57.800 Yeah, and the fact that you were put in that position 1059 01:02:57.960 --> 01:03:03.900 In and of itself because your parents were splitting is super hard and you went into protector mode 1060 01:03:03.900 --> 01:03:06.700 That's why that's why you most likely did that 1061 01:03:07.460 --> 01:03:12.520 Yeah, yeah. So anyway, i'll pray into both of those and thank you for listening everyone 1062 01:03:12.780 --> 01:03:16.020 Yeah, you're welcome. So glad that you shared appreciate you 1063 01:03:16.740 --> 01:03:22.780 All right, leslie go. Oh, let me do the activations real quick so that I don't forget and have to rush later 1064 01:03:22.820 --> 01:03:29.240 So this week we have two number one is shifting into positive ladies. Okay, so I want you to practice 1065 01:03:30.080 --> 01:03:32.160 Seeing the gold in yourself 1066 01:03:32.520 --> 01:03:34.740 And seeing the gold in other people 1067 01:03:35.700 --> 01:03:38.760 So basically asking god lord 1068 01:03:39.060 --> 01:03:44.080 Will you help me see the gold in myself this week to see the good and not the negative? 1069 01:03:44.080 --> 01:03:49.420 Yeah, we need to know the things where we need to grow but we need to see the good stuff too celebrating ourselves 1070 01:03:49.420 --> 01:03:54.800 But also I really want you to pray about seeing the gold and other people even the people that have hurt you 1071 01:03:55.180 --> 01:04:00.080 Okay. Now this doesn't mean you need to go back into relationship with them or any of that stuff 1072 01:04:00.480 --> 01:04:04.700 I'm, just saying ask god to show you the gold in them 1073 01:04:05.100 --> 01:04:07.680 To help you have compassion for them 1074 01:04:08.140 --> 01:04:10.360 again, it doesn't mean you have to 1075 01:04:10.360 --> 01:04:14.560 Be good with the way things were but shifting in our hearts is important 1076 01:04:14.560 --> 01:04:19.600 Okay, then come into the group and tell us about what god has shown you these don't have to be long posts ladies 1077 01:04:19.840 --> 01:04:26.380 You know, they can be short brief and powerful and just tell us what god is doing in you number two activation is play 1078 01:04:26.460 --> 01:04:30.460 We're gonna have some play time this week. We want to activate fun 1079 01:04:30.460 --> 01:04:37.080 we want to let the little girl on the inside of us come out and and and really enjoy life, so 1080 01:04:37.680 --> 01:04:41.100 Whatever you have to do to connect with the fun 1081 01:04:41.400 --> 01:04:45.480 Silly side of you some of you may not have allowed that person to ever come out 1082 01:04:45.560 --> 01:04:47.780 Some of you may have wanted that to come out 1083 01:04:47.780 --> 01:04:51.520 But it was pressed down by other people or because of trauma that you went through 1084 01:04:51.520 --> 01:04:54.540 Like some of you may not even feel like you had a childhood 1085 01:04:55.000 --> 01:04:59.860 So you might be learning for the first time how to have fun during this process 1086 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.620 So this might look different for everybody, but I want you to let go of rules. Okay? 1087 01:05:06.420 --> 01:05:09.280 Now don't get crazy. I'm not saying go out and party 1088 01:05:09.940 --> 01:05:12.740 But I want you, you know, do you understand what I mean? 1089 01:05:12.920 --> 01:05:17.560 Sometimes we have this like oh, I want to try this and then the rule like no 1090 01:05:17.560 --> 01:05:21.880 You're not good at that or you should try it at another time or you don't have you know 1091 01:05:21.880 --> 01:05:25.960 Like that person comes out to play as well and we got to put that one away 1092 01:05:25.960 --> 01:05:32.960 So maybe it's a pajama party with your girlfriends, yes, I said pajama party invite your girlfriends over hang out 1093 01:05:34.040 --> 01:05:36.540 Talk if you don't have girlfriends 1094 01:05:37.840 --> 01:05:40.800 Then maybe just go do something fun 1095 01:05:40.880 --> 01:05:46.640 That is out and about in the you know, the world around other people but pray into that 1096 01:05:47.140 --> 01:05:53.760 Okay, see what that looks like. Maybe it's climbing a tree. Maybe it's swinging on a swing. Maybe it's going down a slide 1097 01:05:53.760 --> 01:05:57.140 Yes things that you did that awaken again 1098 01:05:57.140 --> 01:06:01.740 Awake awake Oh sleeper and rise up from the dead and then Christ will shine on you 1099 01:06:01.740 --> 01:06:04.160 So what is that stuff in us that needs to come out? 1100 01:06:04.580 --> 01:06:09.320 Maybe it's going on an adventure that you've been wanting to go on but you keep saying I'm gonna wait until I get married 1101 01:06:09.320 --> 01:06:13.560 I'm gonna wait until I mean, you know, but like you're really wanting to do this thing 1102 01:06:13.700 --> 01:06:19.280 So let's pray and start planning to go on that adventure and some of you can do it right now 1103 01:06:19.280 --> 01:06:22.580 And doesn't always have to take a lot of money ladies. Okay? 1104 01:06:22.580 --> 01:06:29.540 Explore new places experience new things. Maybe you want to take a cooking class. Maybe you want to take a salsa 1105 01:06:29.540 --> 01:06:34.820 Learn how to salsa y'all. We're about to on the Austin retreat. We're about to learn how to two-step. I can't wait 1106 01:06:34.820 --> 01:06:41.400 I bought some really cute gold boots. I've never had cowgirl boots, but I have some now I can't wait 1107 01:06:41.960 --> 01:06:49.740 You know, but these are fun things, you know, we we can have fun enjoy life and it can experience and excuse me 1108 01:06:49.740 --> 01:06:51.280 it can cause an experience in a 1109 01:06:51.940 --> 01:06:59.040 Rising up in us in a way that maybe we haven't experienced in a long time. Okay. So here's the thing 1110 01:06:59.120 --> 01:07:06.720 I want pictures. I want evidence, you know that song, you know evidence that God's goodness is all over our life by Josh Baldwin 1111 01:07:06.720 --> 01:07:11.180 So awesome. It's one of my favorites right now. I want evidence of your fun 1112 01:07:11.180 --> 01:07:17.380 So whatever you go to do fun, maybe fun for you is going and just being peaceful and just watching 1113 01:07:17.380 --> 01:07:21.100 Kids play or you know by a river like I said earlier 1114 01:07:21.100 --> 01:07:26.520 But come into the group share your photo of what your fun thing was and if you can 1115 01:07:26.540 --> 01:07:31.060 You know do a selfie where we can actually see you doing that fun thing 1116 01:07:31.360 --> 01:07:31.960 alright 1117 01:07:32.880 --> 01:07:35.720 Awesome. All right, Leslie, you're up 1118 01:07:36.320 --> 01:07:39.900 Okay, so I identified with liar 1119 01:07:41.620 --> 01:07:42.220 and 1120 01:07:42.440 --> 01:07:45.960 I guess I need a little bit of help with this. So 1121 01:07:47.720 --> 01:07:48.440 Being 1122 01:07:48.820 --> 01:07:49.540 born 1123 01:07:50.060 --> 01:07:54.380 With ADD and being messy. Those are hard things 1124 01:07:54.480 --> 01:07:56.680 to not feel defective 1125 01:07:57.580 --> 01:07:59.520 So that would be the lie 1126 01:07:59.860 --> 01:08:05.760 I'm doing better with the ADD. That used to be something that caused a lot of shame for me because 1127 01:08:06.420 --> 01:08:09.820 You know people kind of look at you like 1128 01:08:10.480 --> 01:08:12.840 You're sort of a dumb blonde kind of thing 1129 01:08:13.520 --> 01:08:19.359 So I I'm doing much better with that one, but the messy is really hard 1130 01:08:20.580 --> 01:08:22.160 And I'm just wondering 1131 01:08:22.700 --> 01:08:24.640 like do you just 1132 01:08:25.399 --> 01:08:27.960 move forward with having compassion for yourself because 1133 01:08:28.520 --> 01:08:34.660 Man, the organization or lack of organization drives me a little insane 1134 01:08:35.859 --> 01:08:38.880 Talk to you about this before have we okay 1135 01:08:39.560 --> 01:08:45.600 So when is the first time you can remember feeling like your space was disorganized 1136 01:08:47.399 --> 01:08:53.840 Well, I don't think my mom's organized so I don't think it came up until my teen years now 1137 01:08:53.840 --> 01:08:57.359 I can go back and tell you that she said to me 1138 01:08:57.359 --> 01:09:03.000 I was an extremely messy eater when I was a baby and she worried that that would never change 1139 01:09:03.040 --> 01:09:05.439 Now, of course, I don't have recollection of that 1140 01:09:07.020 --> 01:09:09.140 But by teen years 1141 01:09:09.340 --> 01:09:13.880 When she'd say and I want you guys to clean your bedrooms and 30 minutes 1142 01:09:13.920 --> 01:09:19.319 My sister's half of the bedroom looked like better homes and garden. That's what I nicknamed her and 1143 01:09:19.620 --> 01:09:21.260 I would take 1144 01:09:22.040 --> 01:09:22.540 everything 1145 01:09:23.779 --> 01:09:25.460 Let's see. How did I do it? 1146 01:09:26.960 --> 01:09:27.460 I 1147 01:09:27.460 --> 01:09:32.960 Just would get overwhelmed. I couldn't figure out where to put stuff and there wasn't a lot of stuff now 1148 01:09:32.960 --> 01:09:39.180 there's a lot of stuff but I would take everything and put it on my bed and then at night I would put it on 1149 01:09:39.180 --> 01:09:42.240 the floor and it never really got 1150 01:09:42.979 --> 01:09:46.240 put wherever it was supposed to go because 1151 01:09:46.660 --> 01:09:48.740 That's not how my brain works 1152 01:09:48.880 --> 01:09:50.840 Okay, and so let me ask you a question 1153 01:09:50.840 --> 01:09:57.660 It's interesting that you called your sister better homes and gardens and your mom was also a very organized person. So did you? 1154 01:09:58.360 --> 01:09:59.980 Did they make comments? 1155 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.660 about your inability to clean or your struggle with it? 1156 01:10:07.000 --> 01:10:11.400 I mean, definitely over the years, you know, 1157 01:10:12.520 --> 01:10:13.560 being messy. 1158 01:10:13.760 --> 01:10:16.340 In fact, my sister couldn't stand rooming with me 1159 01:10:16.340 --> 01:10:19.260 because of that, because she wanted her space, 1160 01:10:19.860 --> 01:10:21.960 you know, the room that I shared with her, 1161 01:10:22.120 --> 01:10:23.120 she wanted it organized. 1162 01:10:24.400 --> 01:10:27.760 So yeah, a lot of stuff has been said over the years. 1163 01:10:29.540 --> 01:10:32.880 And yeah, and it's, I mean, it plagues me to this day, 1164 01:10:33.500 --> 01:10:36.460 you know, and it does affect, you know, 1165 01:10:36.460 --> 01:10:38.820 it definitely feels like something I have to hide 1166 01:10:38.880 --> 01:10:43.560 because like, who wants to live with somebody that's messy? 1167 01:10:43.720 --> 01:10:46.800 It created huge issues in my first marriage 1168 01:10:48.460 --> 01:10:52.380 because he has to have everything just so. 1169 01:10:52.720 --> 01:10:54.780 And so he would become very angry 1170 01:10:56.720 --> 01:11:02.320 because of the messes and, you know. 1171 01:11:02.320 --> 01:11:04.140 Okay, let me ask you a question. 1172 01:11:04.240 --> 01:11:04.700 Yes. 1173 01:11:05.040 --> 01:11:07.880 When's the first time you judged yourself for being messy? 1174 01:11:08.420 --> 01:11:11.000 Oh, that is a really good question. 1175 01:11:14.920 --> 01:11:17.840 Like even what you described is when y'all 1176 01:11:17.840 --> 01:11:20.980 would have to clean, you would start to feel overwhelmed. 1177 01:11:21.500 --> 01:11:25.760 Yeah, I would be very discouraged with myself 1178 01:11:25.760 --> 01:11:27.020 because I didn't understand. 1179 01:11:27.940 --> 01:11:31.780 Did you ever ask for help, like, and voice your mom? 1180 01:11:32.160 --> 01:11:34.920 Like when I have to clean, I just get overwhelmed 1181 01:11:34.920 --> 01:11:36.680 and I don't even know what to do. 1182 01:11:36.680 --> 01:11:38.900 Like, do you remember ever saying that or? 1183 01:11:39.340 --> 01:11:41.620 No, but now that I think of it, 1184 01:11:41.620 --> 01:11:44.780 I wish she would have maybe imparted something 1185 01:11:44.780 --> 01:11:47.560 because when your brain doesn't work that way, 1186 01:11:47.560 --> 01:11:52.080 it just feels like, like I can, right now, 1187 01:11:52.140 --> 01:11:54.840 like if my house is a mess, my ex-husband, 1188 01:11:54.960 --> 01:11:56.500 the one that couldn't stand my messes, 1189 01:11:56.820 --> 01:11:58.060 he lives right next door to me. 1190 01:11:58.180 --> 01:12:02.080 He'll come over and I just need to borrow his brain. 1191 01:12:02.260 --> 01:12:05.120 Like I can do all the work, but he'll say, 1192 01:12:05.560 --> 01:12:07.080 cause he thinks very methodically. 1193 01:12:07.140 --> 01:12:08.540 Okay, I want you to start here. 1194 01:12:08.600 --> 01:12:11.460 Then I want you to put all this stuff away 1195 01:12:11.460 --> 01:12:16.160 because left on my own, especially with my focusing issues, 1196 01:12:16.720 --> 01:12:20.480 I'm chasing the next squirrel, you know, 1197 01:12:20.760 --> 01:12:23.740 like it doesn't go systematically. 1198 01:12:23.960 --> 01:12:26.460 So it never really looks like you get anything done. 1199 01:12:26.780 --> 01:12:27.420 Yeah. 1200 01:12:27.580 --> 01:12:31.060 So, okay, one, I'm making some connections here. 1201 01:12:31.060 --> 01:12:32.960 When you were describing about the ADD, 1202 01:12:33.360 --> 01:12:36.280 you said people look at you like you're a dumb blonde. 1203 01:12:37.280 --> 01:12:39.500 I think that's an interesting description of ADD 1204 01:12:39.500 --> 01:12:40.540 and how you felt. 1205 01:12:40.720 --> 01:12:42.480 And so I'm curious, 1206 01:12:42.480 --> 01:12:46.360 when is the first time that you felt dumb? 1207 01:12:49.060 --> 01:12:52.480 I've definitely felt dumb in school 1208 01:12:54.060 --> 01:12:56.520 because I didn't understand, 1209 01:12:56.800 --> 01:12:58.300 like I do have intelligence, 1210 01:12:58.700 --> 01:13:03.000 but I didn't understand why everything took me so long. 1211 01:13:03.860 --> 01:13:04.500 Like- 1212 01:13:04.500 --> 01:13:06.400 And did you get counseling or anything for that? 1213 01:13:06.540 --> 01:13:08.380 Did your parents get help for you? 1214 01:13:09.120 --> 01:13:10.240 No, the only, 1215 01:13:10.240 --> 01:13:12.600 here's what my mom did that was very smart. 1216 01:13:13.580 --> 01:13:16.000 So by the time I moved from elementary school 1217 01:13:16.000 --> 01:13:16.900 to middle school, 1218 01:13:17.060 --> 01:13:19.280 I got put in with the dumb kids 1219 01:13:19.280 --> 01:13:21.220 that were like throwing spit balls 1220 01:13:21.220 --> 01:13:22.640 and screaming and yelling. 1221 01:13:22.780 --> 01:13:24.320 And I came home and told my mom 1222 01:13:24.880 --> 01:13:26.700 and she called the school and she said, 1223 01:13:26.860 --> 01:13:28.200 why do you have her in that class? 1224 01:13:28.200 --> 01:13:30.040 And they said, well, because she works slow. 1225 01:13:30.460 --> 01:13:33.780 And they said, my mom said, well, what are her grades? 1226 01:13:33.820 --> 01:13:35.040 And they said, A's and B's. 1227 01:13:35.060 --> 01:13:37.440 She said, get her out of that classroom. 1228 01:13:37.580 --> 01:13:39.700 It was the best thing she could ever done 1229 01:13:39.700 --> 01:13:40.600 because I probably, 1230 01:13:41.300 --> 01:13:43.160 I mean, I have a master's degree. 1231 01:13:43.260 --> 01:13:45.060 I would have never gone to college 1232 01:13:45.100 --> 01:13:46.980 had she left me in that class 1233 01:13:46.980 --> 01:13:51.540 because I would have felt stupider than, you know. 1234 01:13:51.540 --> 01:13:51.700 Yeah. 1235 01:13:51.700 --> 01:13:52.640 So it's interesting. 1236 01:13:52.740 --> 01:13:54.760 The word dumb has come up several times. 1237 01:13:55.580 --> 01:13:57.900 And so I'm asking you all these questions 1238 01:13:57.900 --> 01:14:00.040 to lead you back to kind of the core. 1239 01:14:00.460 --> 01:14:05.060 Is I hear that at some point you partnered with 1240 01:14:05.060 --> 01:14:06.800 A, not liking yourself, 1241 01:14:07.840 --> 01:14:11.340 B, feeling dumb and labeled yourself that way. 1242 01:14:11.980 --> 01:14:14.100 And then you got put in the dumb class. 1243 01:14:14.180 --> 01:14:16.180 I think that's how you described that class. 1244 01:14:16.560 --> 01:14:16.840 Yeah. 1245 01:14:16.840 --> 01:14:18.460 Even though your mom got you out of there, 1246 01:14:19.180 --> 01:14:21.760 I'm wondering if your feelings like in that moment, 1247 01:14:22.440 --> 01:14:24.440 like, you know, this is how the enemy works. 1248 01:14:24.520 --> 01:14:26.400 Something happens and then the enemy's like, 1249 01:14:26.700 --> 01:14:28.200 see, told you you were dumb 1250 01:14:28.860 --> 01:14:30.720 because you got put in the dumb class. 1251 01:14:31.040 --> 01:14:32.320 Even though you were smart 1252 01:14:32.320 --> 01:14:33.740 and your mom got you out of there, 1253 01:14:33.740 --> 01:14:35.740 that still reinforces the lie 1254 01:14:35.740 --> 01:14:37.220 that you were already believing. 1255 01:14:38.460 --> 01:14:38.680 Oh yeah. 1256 01:14:38.740 --> 01:14:40.500 And I do remember really young, 1257 01:14:40.680 --> 01:14:42.340 this would be before fourth grade, 1258 01:14:42.520 --> 01:14:45.820 being in a music class in private school. 1259 01:14:46.000 --> 01:14:48.280 And I did not understand what she was talking about 1260 01:14:48.280 --> 01:14:50.580 because I just didn't have a background in it. 1261 01:14:51.120 --> 01:14:56.500 And so I raised my hand and asked for clarification. 1262 01:14:56.860 --> 01:14:58.960 And of course she just said, 1263 01:14:59.140 --> 01:14:59.980 basically taught me. 1264 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.040 the same thing that she was, you know, and so then I thought, well, I'm not raising my hand anymore, 1265 01:15:05.040 --> 01:15:09.400 because that's gonna make me look dumb. I don't understand it. It sounds like a Greek language. 1266 01:15:09.400 --> 01:15:14.460 It was some kind of music theory. You know, I think it started before this time, Leslie, 1267 01:15:14.960 --> 01:15:20.580 because again, like every time you describe how you were thinking, and this is really important. 1268 01:15:20.580 --> 01:15:25.360 I'm so glad that we're having this conversation. But even in that you said, I'm not going to raise 1269 01:15:25.360 --> 01:15:31.260 my hand again, because it just makes me look dumb. Yep. So for you to have that thought, 1270 01:15:31.280 --> 01:15:37.420 at that point, you already thought it. Yeah. Yeah. I want to encourage you to ask the Lord, 1271 01:15:37.700 --> 01:15:46.100 when is the first time you partnered with I am dumb. Okay. And then also I am messy. Those are 1272 01:15:46.100 --> 01:15:50.800 two significant things coming up over and over tonight in what you're sharing. And I know that's 1273 01:15:51.040 --> 01:15:58.220 you wanted to talk about, but it's it's more rooted in you than you realize. And the great 1274 01:15:58.220 --> 01:16:03.280 thing is that this can change, I want to give you hope, like both of these things can change. 1275 01:16:03.320 --> 01:16:08.080 And even though you've gotten a master's degree, I know that you know, you're smart, because you 1276 01:16:08.080 --> 01:16:12.800 wouldn't be able to accomplish that. But here's the thing, if your inner tape is still telling 1277 01:16:12.800 --> 01:16:19.540 you that you're dumb, even though you have a degree, you will still show up internally, 1278 01:16:20.520 --> 01:16:28.280 like, believing that you're dumb. And that will project into your relationships. And you will, 1279 01:16:28.760 --> 01:16:33.960 even when you're around other people, you will minimize yourself because your internal messaging 1280 01:16:33.960 --> 01:16:41.240 is, I'm not as smart as these other people. Yeah, I remember a guy that I met off of 1281 01:16:41.240 --> 01:16:46.320 Harmony. And he said, when we were breaking up, he said to me, 1282 01:16:47.900 --> 01:16:51.240 with the next guy, don't tell him all the stuff that's wrong with you. 1283 01:16:52.520 --> 01:16:58.820 That is great advice. Good guy right there, even though he might not have been your guy, 1284 01:16:58.940 --> 01:17:03.820 who knows, right? Like, that's him being really kind to you. That's God kind God's kindness 1285 01:17:03.820 --> 01:17:08.520 through that man saying, Hey, you don't need to tell us all the things you think are wrong. 1286 01:17:08.520 --> 01:17:13.480 Guys don't want to hear are like, that's all insecurity. That's what that is. Yeah, yeah. 1287 01:17:14.220 --> 01:17:22.700 And so the reality is, is you like, I understand why you said this phrase, I just need his brain. 1288 01:17:24.320 --> 01:17:29.100 About about your ex, I just, I just need his brain. I understand why you said that, 1289 01:17:29.280 --> 01:17:35.020 but I don't want you to partner with that anymore. Okay. Because you have an amazing brain, 1290 01:17:35.020 --> 01:17:40.300 it might not function the way that other people's brains do, but you still have an incredible brain. 1291 01:17:40.940 --> 01:17:45.900 And you have learned how to accomplish really awesome things from what I hear you saying. 1292 01:17:46.440 --> 01:17:51.660 But there's some areas that maybe you just need to learn how to train your brain to do some other 1293 01:17:51.660 --> 01:17:57.280 things like, you know, the organization, or maybe it's, you know, once a month, making a, you know, 1294 01:17:57.340 --> 01:18:03.840 making a list that helps you follow the list of what to do. You know, it's okay. Like, for example, 1295 01:18:05.020 --> 01:18:13.320 I will tell you when I first got married, I wasn't used to this, you all, but, um, I can look around 1296 01:18:13.320 --> 01:18:18.460 and see what needs cleaned. Not that I'm y'all, I still work at this too, but my husband, which 1297 01:18:18.460 --> 01:18:24.560 it sounds like kind of what you struggle with. My husband is like, I can't do that. I need you 1298 01:18:24.560 --> 01:18:31.480 to make me a list of what you want cleaned. And I'm like, what, like, just clean, just clean, 1299 01:18:31.480 --> 01:18:39.900 you know, because I didn't understand what, like, because that isn't how I think. But when I was 1300 01:18:39.900 --> 01:18:44.200 willing to like, make the list and be like, okay, can you help me with this and this and this, 1301 01:18:44.480 --> 01:18:49.440 he's like, able to do it and willing, you know, and everybody's different. It doesn't mean, 1302 01:18:49.640 --> 01:19:01.460 and he's super smart. Like it's, it has nothing to do with our level of intelligence. It's just 1303 01:19:02.420 --> 01:19:08.620 his mom didn't have a super organized home. Now it sounds like your mom did, but what can happen 1304 01:19:08.620 --> 01:19:14.160 sometimes in those environment, because again, you, you labeled your sister better homes and gardens. 1305 01:19:14.560 --> 01:19:20.260 So I'm going to guess you compared yourself to her and thought she was better. 1306 01:19:21.480 --> 01:19:28.260 Oh, a thousand percent in that capacity. Yes. Okay. So there's another identity, 1307 01:19:28.260 --> 01:19:35.900 like fracture. Okay. All right. So be praying into this, see what God shows you about the 1308 01:19:35.900 --> 01:19:39.920 first time you believed that you were dumb and partnered with that the first time you, 1309 01:19:40.320 --> 01:19:45.920 you know, believe the lie that you're just a messy person. You know, and again, yeah, 1310 01:19:45.920 --> 01:19:51.100 it could be the story that your mom told you, but I want, I want God to show it to you. Okay. 1311 01:19:51.280 --> 01:19:55.440 Because that revelation is going to be really important. And then come in the group and let 1312 01:19:55.440 --> 01:19:59.920 us know what you hear. And it might just happen over time. So don't, you know, feel. 1313 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.020 any stress if it doesn't come right away, okay? 1314 01:20:02.540 --> 01:20:05.540 Just one other little real quick interesting piece 1315 01:20:05.540 --> 01:20:09.960 is I can organize other people's stuff, but not my own. 1316 01:20:11.720 --> 01:20:13.240 Yes, very interesting. 1317 01:20:14.440 --> 01:20:17.360 Yeah, and a lot of times, ladies, this is the reality. 1318 01:20:17.740 --> 01:20:21.240 How many of us are really good at helping everybody else, 1319 01:20:21.740 --> 01:20:24.320 but we don't put the oxygen mask on ourselves 1320 01:20:24.320 --> 01:20:26.360 a lot of the time, isn't that true? 1321 01:20:27.280 --> 01:20:30.100 So look at how this shows up in our lives in different ways. 1322 01:20:30.560 --> 01:20:31.780 So thank you, Leslie, for sharing. 1323 01:20:31.980 --> 01:20:33.760 Let's pray into that too. 1324 01:20:34.640 --> 01:20:35.880 And really ask the Lord, 1325 01:20:36.320 --> 01:20:37.880 what is it that you're really avoiding? 1326 01:20:38.600 --> 01:20:41.520 You know, when you don't take care of your own things, 1327 01:20:41.520 --> 01:20:43.360 but can organize other people's. 1328 01:20:43.360 --> 01:20:47.260 Because I think avoidance, you know, is a root thing there. 1329 01:20:47.300 --> 01:20:49.920 And avoidance is one of the self-protection mechanisms. 1330 01:20:50.700 --> 01:20:50.960 Okay. 1331 01:20:51.300 --> 01:20:51.720 Okay? 1332 01:20:52.340 --> 01:20:52.860 Okay. 1333 01:20:52.980 --> 01:20:53.680 All right, awesome. 1334 01:20:53.800 --> 01:20:54.700 Thank you for sharing. 1335 01:20:54.700 --> 01:20:56.800 Megan, Gaston, go ahead. 1336 01:21:00.300 --> 01:21:02.540 Hi, I wanted to share, 1337 01:21:02.980 --> 01:21:05.080 I was kind of processing a little bit 1338 01:21:05.080 --> 01:21:09.420 with the first part that you shared about somebody 1339 01:21:09.420 --> 01:21:11.180 and like your blocking and stuff 1340 01:21:11.180 --> 01:21:13.080 and like your heartache and that kind of thing. 1341 01:21:13.580 --> 01:21:15.980 I went through something a couple of weeks ago 1342 01:21:16.260 --> 01:21:20.940 where this friend of mine was asking about a situation 1343 01:21:20.940 --> 01:21:24.020 I was in, some things that I was dealing with 1344 01:21:24.020 --> 01:21:24.820 with my roommate. 1345 01:21:25.480 --> 01:21:27.820 And I was being honest about the situation. 1346 01:21:28.880 --> 01:21:33.080 And she kind of like belittled me 1347 01:21:33.080 --> 01:21:36.700 and just said that the unity of the group was most important 1348 01:21:36.700 --> 01:21:39.160 and that I should only care about my own feelings. 1349 01:21:39.680 --> 01:21:43.220 But then told me that I needed to be a leader 1350 01:21:43.220 --> 01:21:45.280 towards my roommate and all this stuff. 1351 01:21:45.360 --> 01:21:49.440 And in the moment, I felt a lot of like shame 1352 01:21:50.280 --> 01:21:53.140 and I felt like putting myself down. 1353 01:21:53.640 --> 01:21:57.340 But then when I like processed it with some other people, 1354 01:21:57.340 --> 01:22:00.160 I kind of realized that she was very much 1355 01:22:00.560 --> 01:22:06.760 like spiritually twisting words and there was so much shame. 1356 01:22:06.780 --> 01:22:09.780 And I just felt like it wasn't right. 1357 01:22:10.400 --> 01:22:13.520 And I've trusted this person and consider it as a good friend 1358 01:22:14.140 --> 01:22:16.160 but now I feel like trust is broken. 1359 01:22:16.800 --> 01:22:19.640 And so I'm kind of, I've been kind 1360 01:22:20.620 --> 01:22:23.320 but I'm trying to like have the balance 1361 01:22:23.420 --> 01:22:26.500 between not necessarily like walls up 1362 01:22:26.500 --> 01:22:27.760 but like having boundaries. 1363 01:22:27.940 --> 01:22:31.080 So I'm trying to like figure that out and not be hardened 1364 01:22:31.540 --> 01:22:34.980 but it did hurt really bad. 1365 01:22:35.900 --> 01:22:38.480 But the biggest thing I'm looking at it 1366 01:22:38.480 --> 01:22:41.060 and like based upon the things that you shared tonight 1367 01:22:41.060 --> 01:22:43.780 about like the lies and the puzzle 1368 01:22:43.780 --> 01:22:49.280 and the like the mask and stuff is I can see like all three 1369 01:22:49.280 --> 01:22:51.140 but the biggest thing that's consistent 1370 01:22:51.140 --> 01:22:54.440 is being dismissive towards myself. 1371 01:22:55.160 --> 01:22:56.600 Okay, dismissive towards yourself. 1372 01:22:56.760 --> 01:22:57.220 Do you feel like, 1373 01:22:57.480 --> 01:22:59.780 cause I feel like I do remember you mentioning her 1374 01:22:59.780 --> 01:23:01.460 and you were saying you felt belittled by her. 1375 01:23:01.460 --> 01:23:03.560 And I feel like I remember you feeling that way 1376 01:23:03.560 --> 01:23:06.600 like someone else was treating you that way too. 1377 01:23:06.600 --> 01:23:09.500 Do you feel like other people are dismissive towards you? 1378 01:23:10.100 --> 01:23:13.740 Yeah, and then I think then I also then put that on myself. 1379 01:23:13.940 --> 01:23:16.740 Like I always like when someone gives like criticism 1380 01:23:16.740 --> 01:23:20.580 or anything, my first thought is like, what did I do wrong? 1381 01:23:20.680 --> 01:23:22.700 Like I'm always putting myself down 1382 01:23:22.940 --> 01:23:25.740 and it's not then until I talk with someone else 1383 01:23:25.740 --> 01:23:29.680 then I'm like, no wait, I actually might be the victim here. 1384 01:23:29.760 --> 01:23:31.920 And like, I'm very much like that 1385 01:23:32.000 --> 01:23:34.180 with things that happened with my ex. 1386 01:23:34.240 --> 01:23:37.200 There was a lot of not great stuff. 1387 01:23:37.360 --> 01:23:38.960 He had very narcissistic tendencies. 1388 01:23:38.960 --> 01:23:43.440 He had just a lot of mental abuse 1389 01:23:43.800 --> 01:23:46.060 and emotional and very crazy. 1390 01:23:46.580 --> 01:23:50.120 But I think I sometimes just dismiss that so much 1391 01:23:50.120 --> 01:23:55.080 that I don't realize like how bad it was in some ways. 1392 01:23:55.340 --> 01:23:58.140 And like, he tried to come back in again, 1393 01:23:58.460 --> 01:24:01.200 didn't let him kind of let him know like, no, this is done. 1394 01:24:01.780 --> 01:24:03.720 And like, I've done a lot of work since then, 1395 01:24:03.760 --> 01:24:06.620 but it's just like, there's this constant theme 1396 01:24:06.620 --> 01:24:10.700 of like dismissing things I've gone through 1397 01:24:10.960 --> 01:24:13.440 or like even what God wants to do. 1398 01:24:13.480 --> 01:24:15.200 Like this weekend was kind of hard too 1399 01:24:16.100 --> 01:24:18.820 because on Saturday it was like, 1400 01:24:18.940 --> 01:24:20.320 the enemy came really hard 1401 01:24:20.320 --> 01:24:23.020 and like try to like put like depressive thoughts. 1402 01:24:23.120 --> 01:24:25.160 And I'm like, no, that's not who I am. 1403 01:24:25.160 --> 01:24:26.820 I'm not going back to that place. 1404 01:24:26.820 --> 01:24:29.940 Like it's been like four and a half years 1405 01:24:30.220 --> 01:24:32.020 since I was in that kind of state. 1406 01:24:32.140 --> 01:24:34.980 And it's like, I know doing the hard work 1407 01:24:34.980 --> 01:24:36.500 is opening up a lot of things. 1408 01:24:37.300 --> 01:24:40.160 And like the biggest area I felt that it was in singleness. 1409 01:24:40.960 --> 01:24:44.200 So it's like, you know, I'm not digging, 1410 01:24:44.220 --> 01:24:47.460 it's just coming up, but it was just hard. 1411 01:24:48.420 --> 01:24:51.120 A couple of things you were asking about 1412 01:24:51.120 --> 01:24:53.220 or talking about that I just want to make sure. 1413 01:24:54.340 --> 01:24:59.140 So, excuse me, in this situation, what you're sharing, 1414 01:24:59.160 --> 01:24:59.980 I think it's good. 1415 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.420 for you to be cautious with this friend, you know, in the way they spoke to you. 1416 01:25:05.840 --> 01:25:10.580 And there is a difference between us putting up walls and just, you know, having discernment 1417 01:25:10.580 --> 01:25:16.200 and being cautious and walking in wisdom with people, especially if they tend to be harsh 1418 01:25:16.200 --> 01:25:17.680 or put us down in the process. 1419 01:25:18.400 --> 01:25:23.540 One of the other things that kept coming up as you were talking is, and this would be 1420 01:25:23.540 --> 01:25:24.880 a different than the silhouette. 1421 01:25:24.880 --> 01:25:28.480 So when I describe it, I don't want you to think it's the same as the silhouette. 1422 01:25:29.780 --> 01:25:36.220 I think that you need a, like, what's the truth about me paper, like where you just 1423 01:25:36.220 --> 01:25:41.360 write on an eight and a half by 11 sheet of paper, like, what is the truth about me? 1424 01:25:41.840 --> 01:25:47.340 And where you really sit down with the Lord and process that out and that you put that 1425 01:25:47.340 --> 01:25:52.740 up somewhere so that when these kinds of situations happen, or just every day that you can remind 1426 01:25:52.740 --> 01:25:56.140 yourself of who you are, okay. 1427 01:25:57.100 --> 01:26:04.200 Because what can happen is when we don't know who we are, then anytime anybody else comes 1428 01:26:04.200 --> 01:26:10.620 into our life, like the ex or this friend, or the roommate, and they say things to us, 1429 01:26:10.980 --> 01:26:15.600 we're automatically feeling like this turbulence and tossed around, like, wait a minute, who 1430 01:26:15.600 --> 01:26:16.020 am I? 1431 01:26:16.200 --> 01:26:16.780 Am I that way? 1432 01:26:16.840 --> 01:26:21.300 Am I, you know, and because that's how it was with my ex, like, I literally would walk 1433 01:26:21.300 --> 01:26:24.700 away from conversations, like, what the heck just happened? 1434 01:26:25.000 --> 01:26:30.120 Like, yeah, all I was trying to do was talk about the clothes being folded. 1435 01:26:30.360 --> 01:26:32.440 Like literally, it would be that simple sometimes. 1436 01:26:32.720 --> 01:26:36.520 And it would turn into this big thing that would be in circles. 1437 01:26:37.020 --> 01:26:41.000 And he would tell me all the time, you just always judge me, you just always, I'm like, 1438 01:26:41.700 --> 01:26:47.540 no, like, I literally was just trying to figure out, like, who's taking care of what in the 1439 01:26:47.540 --> 01:26:49.880 house, like, who's gonna work on what? 1440 01:26:49.880 --> 01:26:51.460 Literally, it was that simple. 1441 01:26:53.660 --> 01:26:59.380 But because of the way that he kind of did it, I always walked away thinking something 1442 01:26:59.380 --> 01:27:00.000 was wrong with me. 1443 01:27:00.060 --> 01:27:00.980 I needed to fix myself. 1444 01:27:01.100 --> 01:27:01.900 I needed to be better. 1445 01:27:02.020 --> 01:27:02.760 I needed to be kinder. 1446 01:27:02.900 --> 01:27:06.860 I needed to be, you know, and again, I'm not saying there was never anything I could like 1447 01:27:06.860 --> 01:27:08.980 that I, there was, how am I going to say this? 1448 01:27:09.080 --> 01:27:13.060 It doesn't mean that there wasn't things I couldn't work on or grow in. 1449 01:27:13.060 --> 01:27:19.340 But typically, even when he was cheating on me, somehow it always ended up being my 1450 01:27:19.340 --> 01:27:19.420 fault. 1451 01:27:21.920 --> 01:27:22.640 Strange, right? 1452 01:27:23.780 --> 01:27:29.220 So, let's look at these, let's look at these situations and get to the core of, okay, if 1453 01:27:29.220 --> 01:27:34.400 you're dismissing yourself, okay, when did that start? 1454 01:27:34.620 --> 01:27:36.380 When did you first start dismissing yourself? 1455 01:27:36.480 --> 01:27:39.340 Because ladies, if we dismiss ourselves, guess what? 1456 01:27:39.340 --> 01:27:45.800 We are going to attract other people that dismiss us too and don't value our words or 1457 01:27:45.800 --> 01:27:46.200 our feelings. 1458 01:27:46.380 --> 01:27:49.040 So, kind of like that situation I was talking about with my brother too. 1459 01:27:49.040 --> 01:27:54.440 Like when I had emotions or feelings and he's like, don't do that, you know, pull yourself 1460 01:27:54.440 --> 01:27:54.740 together. 1461 01:27:55.240 --> 01:28:01.940 Well, think about times when maybe you had feelings or thoughts where you were or a situation 1462 01:28:01.940 --> 01:28:05.460 happened and you really dismissed your own ideas, your own thoughts. 1463 01:28:05.900 --> 01:28:08.720 And then the flip side of that is that truth about you. 1464 01:28:08.720 --> 01:28:11.640 So, you know, what is the truth about you? 1465 01:28:12.000 --> 01:28:16.660 How do you respond in situations, you know, where you really, again, think that through 1466 01:28:16.660 --> 01:28:17.780 and put some things on paper. 1467 01:28:17.840 --> 01:28:20.060 And even if you have a hard time with it, just start. 1468 01:28:20.300 --> 01:28:25.400 And then, you know, if you need help, you can come in and share in the group what you've 1469 01:28:25.400 --> 01:28:28.620 written and then like, just let us know where you're stuck and we can help you go from there. 1470 01:28:28.620 --> 01:28:28.980 Okay? 1471 01:28:29.500 --> 01:28:29.860 Okay. 1472 01:28:30.160 --> 01:28:31.520 Oh, can I ask one thing? 1473 01:28:31.660 --> 01:28:35.280 That one friend though, keeps trying to like, want to like, connect. 1474 01:28:36.800 --> 01:28:37.740 The one that belittled you? 1475 01:28:37.740 --> 01:28:38.260 Yeah. 1476 01:28:38.260 --> 01:28:44.000 And I'm having a hard time, like, a part of me, like, I don't know if it's like, defense 1477 01:28:44.040 --> 01:28:47.820 mechanism of like, what's the word I'm looking for? 1478 01:28:48.260 --> 01:28:51.400 Like, just like, not avoidant. 1479 01:28:51.440 --> 01:28:52.180 That's what I'm looking for. 1480 01:28:52.280 --> 01:28:52.480 Sorry. 1481 01:28:52.900 --> 01:28:54.740 Just like, I don't even want to do it. 1482 01:28:54.740 --> 01:28:59.360 But like, I just feel like there's even a bit of like, a monitoring spirit because she 1483 01:28:59.360 --> 01:29:01.500 wants to know everything that's going on with me. 1484 01:29:01.680 --> 01:29:05.720 But I'm like, really trying to be like, no, like, I'm good. 1485 01:29:05.720 --> 01:29:07.400 I'm not wanting to share much. 1486 01:29:07.400 --> 01:29:10.840 I'll listen to you, but I just don't feel safe. 1487 01:29:11.220 --> 01:29:15.280 Well, it's okay for you to not feel like getting together with her right now. 1488 01:29:15.340 --> 01:29:20.260 I mean, even with that woman that I was talking to you about, the reality is, is I do, I need 1489 01:29:20.420 --> 01:29:23.580 space to process how I was feeling and that's okay. 1490 01:29:24.080 --> 01:29:25.440 That really is okay. 1491 01:29:26.080 --> 01:29:30.920 And if you're feeling like there's a monitoring spirit with her, maybe she's trying to mother 1492 01:29:30.960 --> 01:29:31.440 you. 1493 01:29:32.620 --> 01:29:33.100 Okay? 1494 01:29:33.100 --> 01:29:35.180 And you don't need a mother, you need a friend. 1495 01:29:35.180 --> 01:29:39.400 And so you can just let her know like, hey, I'm doing really good. 1496 01:29:40.400 --> 01:29:45.020 You know, I'm not able to get together right now, but look forward to catching up another 1497 01:29:45.020 --> 01:29:45.420 time. 1498 01:29:45.760 --> 01:29:48.360 And you just leave the door like, kind of open then. 1499 01:29:48.400 --> 01:29:51.040 And it's not saying you're going to get together in another week or whatever. 1500 01:29:51.100 --> 01:29:52.360 It's just another time. 1501 01:29:52.960 --> 01:29:53.280 Okay. 1502 01:29:53.660 --> 01:29:54.120 Thank you. 1503 01:29:54.620 --> 01:29:54.980 You're welcome. 1504 01:29:55.460 --> 01:29:56.400 Yeah, my pleasure. 1505 01:29:57.780 --> 01:29:58.580 Is it Kanye? 1506 01:29:59.040 --> 01:29:59.980 Did I say it right? 1507 01:29:59.960 --> 01:29:59.960 1508 01:29:59.960 --> 01:29:59.960 1509 01:29:59.980 --> 01:29:59.980 1510 01:29:59.980 --> 01:29:59.980 1511 01:29:59.980 --> 01:29:59.980 1512 01:29:59.980 --> 01:29:59.980 1513 01:29:59.980 --> 01:29:59.980 1514 01:29:59.980 --> 01:29:59.980 1515 01:30:00.780 --> 01:30:12.020 Um you can call me Connie. Connie awesome. Yes um yeah okay so we go to my notes um the out of the 1516 01:30:12.020 --> 01:30:17.400 three that you had mentioned before we went to the breakouts and this is something uh obviously 1517 01:30:17.400 --> 01:30:23.400 I discussed in the breakouts was I mean I didn't actually get the liar or the puzzler definitions 1518 01:30:23.400 --> 01:30:29.020 written down but after I heard you talk about the mask that one I feel like I resonated with 1519 01:30:29.020 --> 01:30:36.400 the most anyway um so I kind of just went with that one and uh I feel at least this is what I 1520 01:30:36.400 --> 01:30:43.240 kind of said in the breakout that um definitely when I was like growing up I grew up in that you 1521 01:30:43.360 --> 01:30:48.740 know boss babe era whatever it is and so that was something that I always thought was like oh the 1522 01:30:48.780 --> 01:30:53.740 ideal something to achieve and even you know my parents were encouraging me around that route and 1523 01:30:53.740 --> 01:30:58.040 they're they're great people great parents but um you know wanted us to you know go to school get a 1524 01:30:58.040 --> 01:31:02.920 good education get a good job take care of yourself so you don't need to depend on xyz and so I feel 1525 01:31:03.840 --> 01:31:08.440 like uh just the kind of child I was I was like yeah I'm gonna do everything that people tell me 1526 01:31:08.440 --> 01:31:12.220 to do like whatever my parents are telling me is the right thing to do I want to do it and so 1527 01:31:12.740 --> 01:31:18.120 um I think I I became hyper independent maybe or just I don't know yeah very very independent I 1528 01:31:18.520 --> 01:31:24.520 think um to the point where I do think I it's hard for me to ask for for help and so a lot of times 1529 01:31:24.520 --> 01:31:31.720 um I think um if I'm confronted with areas of my life where especially relationally where it's like 1530 01:31:31.720 --> 01:31:35.220 okay I'm not doing so well but I'm like well at least I have all these other things that I've 1531 01:31:35.240 --> 01:31:42.380 achieved um and I guess that's maybe kind of the mask that I would wear is um not yeah struggling 1532 01:31:42.380 --> 01:31:48.420 to open up and then also maybe leaning into the other things I've been able to do in my life 1533 01:31:49.180 --> 01:31:52.900 as the identity when they're not really I don't know if that makes sense but 1534 01:31:52.900 --> 01:32:00.280 it does it does a couple things um so when do you tend to struggle to open up the most like 1535 01:32:00.280 --> 01:32:06.980 what is the normal topic that you struggle with or is it in like any topic um 1536 01:32:09.480 --> 01:32:18.080 I guess it could be any it could be anything it depends on the scenario I suppose um I feel like 1537 01:32:18.080 --> 01:32:25.080 with certain people maybe I struggle to uh be 100% authentic and speak what I really feel 1538 01:32:25.440 --> 01:32:34.180 and then um other times when I maybe am with people that I um that I know have like maybe 1539 01:32:34.180 --> 01:32:40.180 similar views as me I still struggle to maybe articulate myself even though I know I can but 1540 01:32:41.080 --> 01:32:48.060 um yeah I don't know I feel like it's a wide range of scenarios yeah that's okay um that helps me um 1541 01:32:48.080 --> 01:32:54.740 so on the hyper independence um this is one of the things that I I tell people and encourage 1542 01:32:54.740 --> 01:32:59.140 y'all to do if you struggle with a lot of independence this hyper independence and 1543 01:32:59.140 --> 01:33:03.700 partnering with all that um Jackie said this years ago I wrote it on a post-it note put it 1544 01:33:03.700 --> 01:33:10.420 up in my bathroom and prayed it over myself daily um and this is what it what it said something like 1545 01:33:10.420 --> 01:33:21.540 this I come out of agreement with um independence come out of agreement with independence and I come 1546 01:33:21.540 --> 01:33:32.220 into agreement with um interdependence on you god okay I come out of agreement with independence 1547 01:33:32.780 --> 01:33:41.580 I come into agreement with interdependence on you god so basically you're agreeing that you need 1548 01:33:41.580 --> 01:33:51.520 god's help okay and when we start agreeing with the truth that we need god's help it also helps 1549 01:33:51.520 --> 01:33:57.540 us start to agree with the truth that we need people's help and that god created us for community 1550 01:33:57.540 --> 01:34:04.760 he created us for connection um when you said it's hard for me to ask for help I believe that's 1551 01:34:04.760 --> 01:34:10.580 probably true but I want to encourage you not to partner with that statement anymore okay I want you 1552 01:34:10.580 --> 01:34:19.480 to partner with I can ask I Connie can ask for help anytime and I will choose to ask people for 1553 01:34:19.480 --> 01:34:24.540 help in the days ahead and here's how you're going to practice doing that I love to give this this is 1554 01:34:24.540 --> 01:34:30.660 my favorite assignments to give out to y'all when you have this struggle because it helped me um so 1555 01:34:30.660 --> 01:34:36.600 I want you to pray this week and ask the lord um yeah I think I can't remember Shakira I might 1556 01:34:36.600 --> 01:34:42.980 have given it to you I want you to ask the lord um who is someone that I need to ask to help me 1557 01:34:42.980 --> 01:34:51.180 this week and what do I need to ask them to help me with oh boy even if you can do it yourself 1558 01:34:51.180 --> 01:34:56.180 if god shows you something that you need to ask somebody for help 1559 01:34:56.900 --> 01:34:59.980 you just need to follow through on that and you may not even fully 1560 01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.080 you understand what all it's going to lead to or how it's going to help you break free. 1561 01:35:05.160 --> 01:35:11.080 But genuinely, you need to practice this on a regular basis right in this season and really 1562 01:35:11.280 --> 01:35:17.600 going forward, but especially in your heartwork season because and while I think it's amazing, 1563 01:35:17.720 --> 01:35:21.940 you know, as I said, you know, being independent and learning how to take care of yourself 1564 01:35:21.940 --> 01:35:29.100 is amazing, but it teaches us some things that really make it tough to be a partner 1565 01:35:29.100 --> 01:35:29.660 with someone. 1566 01:35:31.340 --> 01:35:37.160 Because if we believe we don't need anybody, which is what independence is, well, how are 1567 01:35:37.160 --> 01:35:38.620 we going to be a partner with someone? 1568 01:35:41.020 --> 01:35:44.300 Because we actually don't even think we need them because that's what we tell ourselves. 1569 01:35:45.740 --> 01:35:47.560 But that also comes from woundedness. 1570 01:35:49.700 --> 01:35:50.240 Okay. 1571 01:35:51.180 --> 01:35:55.400 And we can have amazing parents, but still feel lonely. 1572 01:35:55.400 --> 01:36:02.540 We can feel, you know, like, like you're saying, I'm struggling to open up with people and 1573 01:36:02.540 --> 01:36:06.660 I'm asking you, okay, are there certain topics you're like really on any topic, but especially, 1574 01:36:07.080 --> 01:36:09.260 you know, around certain people. 1575 01:36:09.400 --> 01:36:14.760 So what that's telling me is that at some point in your life, you probably started not 1576 01:36:14.760 --> 01:36:18.360 feeling comfortable around other people sharing your authentic self. 1577 01:36:19.080 --> 01:36:24.500 So I don't, were you, you seem very kind of like organized kind of person. 1578 01:36:25.200 --> 01:36:32.220 Were you kind of adventurous and flittery and kind of, you know, innovative when you 1579 01:36:32.220 --> 01:36:32.760 were younger? 1580 01:36:32.760 --> 01:36:35.360 Or were you more rigid and kind of structured? 1581 01:36:36.940 --> 01:36:42.840 No, I think I was like, you know, an average energetic kid who was, you know, all over 1582 01:36:42.840 --> 01:36:43.400 the place. 1583 01:36:43.920 --> 01:36:47.800 Okay, so how was that? 1584 01:36:47.800 --> 01:36:48.380 How was that received? 1585 01:36:50.920 --> 01:36:55.100 I mean, yeah, like, so I had strict parents, but like, I could go outside and run around, 1586 01:36:55.220 --> 01:36:59.840 but you know, whatever, you know, whether we were in church or whether at other people's 1587 01:37:00.440 --> 01:37:03.640 houses or anything like that, I feel like me and my sisters, we're always very hyper 1588 01:37:03.640 --> 01:37:06.300 aware of our behavior and all that kind of stuff. 1589 01:37:07.220 --> 01:37:07.580 Yeah. 1590 01:37:08.400 --> 01:37:13.480 So I feel like I'm hearing some, some feedback, so let me just, Oh, I might've just accidentally 1591 01:37:13.480 --> 01:37:13.920 muted you. 1592 01:37:13.980 --> 01:37:14.500 Hold on one second. 1593 01:37:14.500 --> 01:37:16.200 I'm just getting feedback from someone else. 1594 01:37:16.200 --> 01:37:17.820 All right. 1595 01:37:17.880 --> 01:37:18.260 Sorry. 1596 01:37:18.320 --> 01:37:20.080 You can unmute yourself again. 1597 01:37:20.700 --> 01:37:20.720 Okay. 1598 01:37:20.800 --> 01:37:21.000 Yeah. 1599 01:37:21.480 --> 01:37:22.260 So, okay. 1600 01:37:22.260 --> 01:37:24.160 So here's the thing. 1601 01:37:24.740 --> 01:37:30.180 That's going to be a key part of this too, because, and I, you know, I, I agree. 1602 01:37:30.220 --> 01:37:33.460 Like when your kids are dressed up, you don't want them to get their dresses dirty and all 1603 01:37:33.460 --> 01:37:33.800 the things. 1604 01:37:34.040 --> 01:37:40.200 And so even as a parent myself, like I totally get it, but the reality is, is, and we have 1605 01:37:40.200 --> 01:37:40.740 this happen. 1606 01:37:41.000 --> 01:37:42.540 We have this big gymnasium. 1607 01:37:42.800 --> 01:37:45.160 That's where we hold service right now because our church burnt down. 1608 01:37:45.160 --> 01:37:47.040 And it's under construction right now, this whole big story. 1609 01:37:47.340 --> 01:37:53.660 And we have these amazing kiddos in our church right now and their, their grandma was visiting 1610 01:37:53.660 --> 01:37:59.020 the one day and the kids were running around like we, I mean, I don't know if we'll always 1611 01:37:59.020 --> 01:38:02.600 let them run around in the sanctuary in our new church, but this is a gym. 1612 01:38:02.620 --> 01:38:04.820 It's like, it's, they're not going to hurt anything. 1613 01:38:04.920 --> 01:38:07.260 So we just let them run and their parents let them run. 1614 01:38:07.320 --> 01:38:07.960 It's not a big deal. 1615 01:38:08.060 --> 01:38:13.080 But when grandma was visiting, they got in trouble for running, you know? 1616 01:38:13.600 --> 01:38:18.560 Um, and I just kind of chuckled because she's a very stern person. 1617 01:38:18.660 --> 01:38:24.720 She's kind, but she's very stern, not very, um, relational person. 1618 01:38:26.200 --> 01:38:34.260 And so I really want to encourage you to pray into, um, any areas where, you know, again, 1619 01:38:34.260 --> 01:38:40.020 you can appreciate your parents and the way they raised you, but like, were there any 1620 01:38:40.020 --> 01:38:47.700 areas where you felt stunted in your personality and your adventure side that needs some healing, 1621 01:38:48.380 --> 01:38:51.160 you know, where that person needs to be able to come out? 1622 01:38:51.160 --> 01:38:58.120 Um, cause even in that, you know, we can kind of shut down and not like, basically feel 1623 01:38:58.120 --> 01:39:01.620 like we really can't let our authentic self out. 1624 01:39:01.620 --> 01:39:06.620 Now again, you all, this is, you know, of course, within reason, we don't need to walk 1625 01:39:06.620 --> 01:39:10.000 into a room that's quiet and be like, you know, like, obviously, I'm not, I'm not, I'm 1626 01:39:10.000 --> 01:39:12.820 not going to say our parents are going to be like, Hey, you know, there's a show going 1627 01:39:12.820 --> 01:39:13.280 on in here. 1628 01:39:13.380 --> 01:39:14.340 So we got to be quiet. 1629 01:39:14.580 --> 01:39:21.940 But like when those things don't matter and we're not allowed to just run and be kids 1630 01:39:23.040 --> 01:39:25.500 that tells us something as children. 1631 01:39:26.020 --> 01:39:28.220 And those are some things we need to pay attention to. 1632 01:39:28.380 --> 01:39:32.220 So I want to encourage you to pray into a couple of those things and then pray about 1633 01:39:32.220 --> 01:39:34.840 who you need to ask to help you and come in the group. 1634 01:39:35.040 --> 01:39:37.100 I always love hearing how this goes for you all. 1635 01:39:37.100 --> 01:39:41.740 Some people really struggle with it and then other people embrace it. 1636 01:39:42.500 --> 01:39:46.880 And God has done some really, really cool things through people asking for help. 1637 01:39:47.140 --> 01:39:47.440 Okay. 1638 01:39:47.440 --> 01:39:49.940 So just trust that and, and walk in that. 1639 01:39:50.040 --> 01:39:52.620 And we look forward to hearing how it goes. 1640 01:39:52.720 --> 01:39:53.660 Thanks for sharing. 1641 01:39:54.100 --> 01:39:54.120 Yeah. 1642 01:39:54.900 --> 01:39:55.680 Appreciate you. 1643 01:39:56.480 --> 01:39:56.640 All right. 1644 01:39:56.640 --> 01:39:57.120 Let's see. 1645 01:39:57.500 --> 01:39:58.680 Just so y'all know, it's nine 40. 1646 01:39:58.780 --> 01:39:59.940 I know we're after 10 minutes. 1647 01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:01.600 If you need to hop off, we totally understand. 1648 01:40:01.840 --> 01:40:03.600 I will take two more people. 1649 01:40:03.740 --> 01:40:06.720 I'm not gonna be able to do, I see five other people. 1650 01:40:07.180 --> 01:40:09.100 So if I don't get to you tonight, 1651 01:40:09.400 --> 01:40:11.360 please come into the group and post in there 1652 01:40:11.360 --> 01:40:13.200 what you were gonna share here tonight. 1653 01:40:14.220 --> 01:40:17.000 I'm gonna have Alice and then Chrissy go. 1654 01:40:17.400 --> 01:40:18.980 So Rachel, Catherine, and Yash, 1655 01:40:19.220 --> 01:40:21.240 would you guys come into the group and post in there 1656 01:40:21.240 --> 01:40:23.540 and I can respond to you all there 1657 01:40:23.540 --> 01:40:25.720 either tonight or in the morning tomorrow. 1658 01:40:26.520 --> 01:40:27.720 Okay, Alice, go ahead. 1659 01:40:27.720 --> 01:40:31.440 Hi, Bethany. 1660 01:40:31.940 --> 01:40:44.720 So my broken heart issue is it's the liar. 1661 01:40:46.140 --> 01:40:55.800 And there is a combination I think of insignificant, 1662 01:40:55.800 --> 01:41:00.420 don't matter, and then that I have to beg. 1663 01:41:02.440 --> 01:41:09.840 And the third one feels sometimes very true 1664 01:41:09.840 --> 01:41:11.360 when I think about God, 1665 01:41:11.740 --> 01:41:21.580 but then I try to talk myself out of it 1666 01:41:21.580 --> 01:41:25.460 by looking at what he's been doing. 1667 01:41:25.460 --> 01:41:28.080 But I'm having a really hard time. 1668 01:41:29.120 --> 01:41:30.660 Yeah, when you were little, 1669 01:41:30.740 --> 01:41:33.280 I can't remember if I've ever asked you this before, Alice, 1670 01:41:33.320 --> 01:41:36.640 when you were little, did you feel like you could crawl up 1671 01:41:36.640 --> 01:41:39.380 in your parents' lap and get comfort? 1672 01:41:40.780 --> 01:41:42.560 I could do that with my mom. 1673 01:41:42.640 --> 01:41:44.500 I could never do that with my father. 1674 01:41:46.120 --> 01:41:47.780 He wasn't there. 1675 01:41:49.600 --> 01:41:52.080 And yeah, I mean, that was a big, 1676 01:41:52.080 --> 01:41:56.840 I mean, the abandonment issues, yes. 1677 01:41:57.900 --> 01:42:01.860 And feeling completely insignificant as well, yeah. 1678 01:42:01.880 --> 01:42:06.940 Yeah, so that's where that connector's 1679 01:42:06.940 --> 01:42:08.980 having a hard time regarding God 1680 01:42:08.980 --> 01:42:11.480 because we project oftentimes, 1681 01:42:11.920 --> 01:42:13.160 especially when it's our father, 1682 01:42:13.900 --> 01:42:16.780 onto the Lord the way that we were treated 1683 01:42:16.780 --> 01:42:18.580 with our biological parents. 1684 01:42:18.680 --> 01:42:20.700 And again, because it's your father 1685 01:42:20.700 --> 01:42:23.640 that's even more what gets projected. 1686 01:42:24.980 --> 01:42:28.060 And so one of the things that I will say 1687 01:42:28.060 --> 01:42:29.500 is as you continue to heal, 1688 01:42:29.500 --> 01:42:32.500 it will continue to get better, okay? 1689 01:42:32.820 --> 01:42:36.180 You're rewriting the wiring of your brain right now. 1690 01:42:36.380 --> 01:42:38.020 Ladies, I hope you all understand this. 1691 01:42:38.040 --> 01:42:40.960 This is not like we can't just flip a switch 1692 01:42:40.960 --> 01:42:42.660 and all this stuff just goes away. 1693 01:42:42.900 --> 01:42:45.020 Now, God will sometimes supernaturally 1694 01:42:45.020 --> 01:42:47.080 just deliver us from some things, okay? 1695 01:42:47.080 --> 01:42:48.340 That does happen sometimes. 1696 01:42:48.340 --> 01:42:52.760 But there's a lot of times where the deliverance comes 1697 01:42:52.760 --> 01:42:55.480 because you're walking through it, okay? 1698 01:42:55.700 --> 01:42:59.200 And you're learning how to develop your muscles 1699 01:42:59.240 --> 01:43:02.880 into not just name it, claim it, 1700 01:43:02.880 --> 01:43:04.980 but you actually believe it in your heart 1701 01:43:04.980 --> 01:43:06.200 because you've been healing. 1702 01:43:06.900 --> 01:43:10.320 And you're like, oh my gosh, I'm thinking different. 1703 01:43:10.480 --> 01:43:11.480 I'm believing different. 1704 01:43:11.520 --> 01:43:15.240 And you start to feel that difference in yourself. 1705 01:43:15.240 --> 01:43:18.580 And so give yourselves a lot of grace in this process. 1706 01:43:19.240 --> 01:43:20.420 That's really important. 1707 01:43:21.320 --> 01:43:22.720 I wanna ask you too, Alice, 1708 01:43:22.900 --> 01:43:24.480 when is the first time, 1709 01:43:25.380 --> 01:43:27.220 and maybe it had to do with your dad, 1710 01:43:27.360 --> 01:43:29.280 maybe it had to do with something else, I'm not sure. 1711 01:43:29.660 --> 01:43:31.000 But when is the first time 1712 01:43:31.000 --> 01:43:33.080 you remember feeling insignificant? 1713 01:43:37.100 --> 01:43:40.280 I do remember one thing with my father. 1714 01:43:41.460 --> 01:43:45.620 My mom and my father, they were already divorced. 1715 01:43:46.620 --> 01:43:51.820 And I was with my mom and we were visiting another city 1716 01:43:51.820 --> 01:43:56.080 and it just happened that we saw 1717 01:43:56.440 --> 01:44:00.840 my father walking towards us. 1718 01:44:01.380 --> 01:44:04.100 And it wasn't planned. 1719 01:44:04.780 --> 01:44:08.060 And I mean, I was overjoyed to see him 1720 01:44:08.060 --> 01:44:11.920 because I never got to visit with him. 1721 01:44:13.200 --> 01:44:19.000 And I remember that while walking, 1722 01:44:19.380 --> 01:44:24.520 we went into this bookstore and I was, 1723 01:44:26.300 --> 01:44:27.720 I loved atlases. 1724 01:44:28.580 --> 01:44:33.580 So there was an atlas and it was like a hundred lei, 1725 01:44:33.980 --> 01:44:40.140 which is like, I don't know, maybe $15, $20, 1726 01:44:40.400 --> 01:44:41.100 something like that. 1727 01:44:41.120 --> 01:44:42.080 It was pretty expensive. 1728 01:44:43.640 --> 01:44:50.660 And I asked if he would not mind buying it for me. 1729 01:44:51.020 --> 01:44:54.940 And he said that, no, that it was very expensive. 1730 01:44:55.580 --> 01:44:59.980 And anyway, again, it happened that my father 1731 01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:07.480 When we were getting dinner, he was, he got, he was eating dinner at the same restaurant. 1732 01:45:08.160 --> 01:45:14.640 Um, he came in and he joined friends and he gave the waiter a hundred 1733 01:45:14.640 --> 01:45:17.040 dollar bill just for wine alone. 1734 01:45:18.460 --> 01:45:21.420 And I, it crushed me. 1735 01:45:21.520 --> 01:45:29.620 I was like, you have money for alcohol, but you don't have money to buy me a 1736 01:45:29.620 --> 01:45:34.240 book and you never see me, you know, I didn't say anything to him. 1737 01:45:34.360 --> 01:45:38.740 I was maybe, I don't know, six or seven. 1738 01:45:39.880 --> 01:45:42.860 Um, but it, it stayed with me, you know? 1739 01:45:43.160 --> 01:45:43.800 Yeah. 1740 01:45:44.540 --> 01:45:48.540 Um, so have you ever forgiven your dad for doing that? 1741 01:45:48.380 --> 01:45:50.840 I, I did. 1742 01:45:51.180 --> 01:45:56.660 Um, it's, it's just, I feel like God is doing the same. 1743 01:45:57.820 --> 01:46:02.020 You feel like God is doing the same, like he's spending money on other things, 1744 01:46:02.100 --> 01:46:03.720 but he's not giving you things. 1745 01:46:06.980 --> 01:46:08.020 So what is it? 1746 01:46:08.020 --> 01:46:08.580 What is it? 1747 01:46:08.580 --> 01:46:11.280 What is it that God is withholding from you? 1748 01:46:13.500 --> 01:46:22.760 Well, you already know that I have not been on, on, I'm on non-pay since May. 1749 01:46:22.760 --> 01:46:29.280 And get, I'm applying, I'm looking for jobs. 1750 01:46:29.400 --> 01:46:30.560 I'm not getting anywhere. 1751 01:46:31.660 --> 01:46:32.800 Finances are tough. 1752 01:46:34.240 --> 01:46:40.860 I'm having, I was telling the ladies in the group that my, myself, my, my 1753 01:46:40.860 --> 01:46:47.000 persona, my home are being threatened by this crazy guy that showed up once in 1754 01:46:47.000 --> 01:46:49.640 my life as coming for pest control. 1755 01:46:49.640 --> 01:46:54.020 And it's just, he's harassing me. 1756 01:46:54.040 --> 01:46:57.460 He's no longer with the pest control with just praying for bugs. 1757 01:46:57.460 --> 01:46:57.800 Right. 1758 01:46:57.800 --> 01:47:00.580 Cause I live in the middle of the forest here. 1759 01:47:00.840 --> 01:47:05.020 And, um, he's texting me from unknown numbers and telling 1760 01:47:05.020 --> 01:47:06.600 me that he wants to come over. 1761 01:47:07.100 --> 01:47:10.300 And so you live out in the country by yourself. 1762 01:47:11.700 --> 01:47:12.260 Okay. 1763 01:47:12.260 --> 01:47:14.060 Can you do me a favor? 1764 01:47:14.540 --> 01:47:15.100 Yeah. 1765 01:47:15.100 --> 01:47:16.720 He's just FYI. 1766 01:47:16.720 --> 01:47:19.580 If that kind of stuff ever happens, you call your local 1767 01:47:19.800 --> 01:47:21.000 sheriff's office or department. 1768 01:47:21.340 --> 01:47:26.880 But I don't have his full name and his company won't give it to me. 1769 01:47:27.140 --> 01:47:27.840 You know, that's okay. 1770 01:47:27.840 --> 01:47:32.940 You just let them know what's happening and ask them how you can just at least 1771 01:47:33.360 --> 01:47:38.360 make it known that this person, and you just need his name and the company that 1772 01:47:38.360 --> 01:47:44.600 he works for has come to your home and done a pest inspection and is now harassing you. 1773 01:47:46.720 --> 01:47:47.100 Okay. 1774 01:47:47.100 --> 01:47:48.020 Super important. 1775 01:47:49.480 --> 01:47:55.140 So I did, I contact, I contact the sheriff department, spoke with the 1776 01:47:56.680 --> 01:47:58.840 reception, whoever takes the calls. 1777 01:47:58.980 --> 01:48:05.000 But they said that unless I have their full name, they can't write down the 1778 01:48:05.000 --> 01:48:05.360 complaint. 1779 01:48:05.980 --> 01:48:13.460 So I went, I mean, I announced it to my neighbors and got into expense 1780 01:48:13.460 --> 01:48:15.040 and purchased some cameras. 1781 01:48:15.560 --> 01:48:17.740 It's just safety. 1782 01:48:17.900 --> 01:48:21.120 I don't feel safe for the first time in my own home. 1783 01:48:21.860 --> 01:48:32.000 And I'm asking God, I, and I'm, you know, we were, I bought, you know, you know, 1784 01:48:32.000 --> 01:48:40.840 like a thing to feel like a princess and I've just, I don't understand why, you 1785 01:48:40.840 --> 01:48:47.140 know, God told me that through this job that I went through, I've been able to 1786 01:48:47.140 --> 01:48:55.440 minister to a lot of people, but I have asking him, how much more do I need to 1787 01:48:55.440 --> 01:49:03.220 go and how many trials are enough and sufficient for him to be able for me to 1788 01:49:03.220 --> 01:49:04.200 see a breakthrough. 1789 01:49:05.920 --> 01:49:06.460 Yeah. 1790 01:49:06.460 --> 01:49:09.580 So here's the thing, ladies, this is where it gets really tough. 1791 01:49:09.680 --> 01:49:10.220 Okay. 1792 01:49:11.900 --> 01:49:14.380 Alice, I'm sorry that this man is harassing you. 1793 01:49:14.620 --> 01:49:16.180 I'm glad that you called the police department. 1794 01:49:17.520 --> 01:49:23.080 Um, I would encourage any of y'all ever in this situation, um, to have someone 1795 01:49:23.080 --> 01:49:27.540 that's not you call the company and see if you can find out what his last name is. 1796 01:49:27.540 --> 01:49:30.380 It doesn't need to be you that calls that company can be someone else. 1797 01:49:30.760 --> 01:49:31.200 Okay. 1798 01:49:32.360 --> 01:49:36.860 And, uh, and then if you get that last name, then you can report that then. 1799 01:49:36.860 --> 01:49:37.220 Okay. 1800 01:49:37.820 --> 01:49:44.640 Um, but the reason I kind of like just want you all to dial in here is, is God 1801 01:49:44.640 --> 01:49:46.460 is not doing this to her. 1802 01:49:48.500 --> 01:49:49.140 Okay. 1803 01:49:49.680 --> 01:49:50.960 Super important. 1804 01:49:51.880 --> 01:49:59.880 And I'm not saying she's saying that I just want everyone to understand and God 1805 01:49:59.880 --> 01:49:59.980 is. 1806 01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:06.680 not asking you to go through suffering so that you can have a huge testimony. 1807 01:50:08.120 --> 01:50:15.800 Now, the enemy will do things in our lives, and yes, God can take all of that pain and turn it 1808 01:50:15.800 --> 01:50:27.900 into purpose, but the reality is, is God gives man free will. Why does he do that? Does anyone 1809 01:50:27.900 --> 01:50:37.480 know why God gives all of us free will? Because he's not a dictator, because he loves us, everyone. 1810 01:50:39.080 --> 01:50:46.320 Unfortunately, some people do bad things, hurtful things with their free will. 1811 01:50:48.860 --> 01:50:54.160 And I know that's hard for us sometimes to just process that and think about it, 1812 01:50:54.160 --> 01:51:01.840 but I want to encourage you all to not partner with God is not taking care of me. 1813 01:51:05.860 --> 01:51:12.040 So, Alice, when these things are happening, I don't want you just to deflect and tell yourself 1814 01:51:12.040 --> 01:51:16.580 you're fine, okay? I'm glad that you're telling us this tonight so that we can keep working through 1815 01:51:16.580 --> 01:51:20.240 this, and I don't know that there's going to be a quick, easy fix for this stuff, 1816 01:51:20.240 --> 01:51:23.980 but I do believe that God is looking out for you. 1817 01:51:24.800 --> 01:51:32.720 He's placed these friends around you that you can reach out to. I believe that God will 1818 01:51:33.780 --> 01:51:41.400 provide a way out of this situation. I do believe that God will provide a job for you. I don't know 1819 01:51:41.400 --> 01:51:47.520 why that right job hasn't come along yet, but what I do know is that God will lead you into the 1820 01:51:47.520 --> 01:51:54.240 job that He has for you and that is best for you. You know, ladies, sometimes we do have to 1821 01:51:54.240 --> 01:52:00.660 get innovative, okay? We might, and I'm not, I can't remember exactly if you've already moved 1822 01:52:00.660 --> 01:52:04.920 or anything, but I'm just putting this out there, Alice, not just for you, but other ladies in here 1823 01:52:04.920 --> 01:52:12.740 too. You know, sometimes we might have to like, okay, Lord, like, do I need to move? Just save 1824 01:52:12.740 --> 01:52:19.080 some money right now. Do I need to, you know, room with a friend? And I know that can feel like 1825 01:52:19.080 --> 01:52:23.780 we're going backwards, but do you all remember Alexandra? She was, she just moved into phase two 1826 01:52:23.780 --> 01:52:31.300 a couple weeks ago. She had bought a house. Her parents and family were super proud of her, 1827 01:52:31.680 --> 01:52:36.680 but she was feeling like God was leading her to sell that house, to put it on the market 1828 01:52:37.480 --> 01:52:44.180 and buy an apartment because that was actually more affordable for her in this season. And she 1829 01:52:44.180 --> 01:52:48.960 was wrestling with whether or not to make that decision because she didn't want to disappoint 1830 01:52:48.960 --> 01:52:54.380 her family. She didn't want to feel like she was going backwards. Well, here's the reality. 1831 01:52:55.780 --> 01:53:03.440 If we are improving our life financially by choosing to downsize or to, and get this, you all, 1832 01:53:03.440 --> 01:53:09.280 she wanted to be in the city. The house that she picked, she loved it for that season. It 1833 01:53:09.280 --> 01:53:13.820 was great for her dogs, but she didn't have a lot of people to hang out with. 1834 01:53:15.820 --> 01:53:20.140 So sometimes we hang on to things because, and she kept saying it, 1835 01:53:20.180 --> 01:53:25.500 she didn't want to disappoint her family. And that was the core of it. 1836 01:53:27.820 --> 01:53:39.580 So sometimes, sometimes we need to really ask God, God, you know, how do you want to lead me 1837 01:53:39.580 --> 01:53:47.560 out of this situation? Is there something that you want me to shift or to do? You know, 1838 01:53:47.560 --> 01:53:53.300 is there someone new that you want to lead me to meet? You know, are we getting out and about, 1839 01:53:53.300 --> 01:53:57.240 not just, you know, and again, Alice, I don't know what all you've done, but I remember 1840 01:53:58.240 --> 01:54:02.520 years ago, you all before, and this is long before, long, long before I met Brian, 1841 01:54:02.520 --> 01:54:11.080 I used to live in Ohio and I knew God was leading me to Kentucky. And I was sitting in Ohio in my 1842 01:54:11.080 --> 01:54:16.880 bedroom, applying for jobs online. And I was applying for jobs. And I believe I was doing 1843 01:54:16.880 --> 01:54:23.340 my best to be effective. But then one day God was like, do you remember the first job you ever 1844 01:54:23.340 --> 01:54:29.820 got Bethany? I'm like, yep. And he was like, how did you get that? First job I ever, the first 1845 01:54:29.820 --> 01:54:36.340 real job I ever got, I had jobs before this, but my first grownup job that I ever got, I got it by 1846 01:54:36.340 --> 01:54:44.280 going to a staffing agency. And I interviewed with the staffing agency, and they were able to get me 1847 01:54:44.280 --> 01:54:52.200 a job like that. You all, why, why were they able to do that? Well, because I was qualified and all 1848 01:54:52.200 --> 01:54:59.440 this, but also they have this whole like network of companies that would have taken me so much time. 1849 01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:03.640 So I remembered that and I'm like, Oh my gosh, that was, that was actually a good experience. 1850 01:55:03.960 --> 01:55:07.240 And yeah, I didn't make quite as much in the beginning because I had to use that service 1851 01:55:07.240 --> 01:55:09.680 and they got a cut, but like I had this great job. 1852 01:55:10.460 --> 01:55:15.660 So I decided when I went to Kentucky the next time I'm going to go to staffing agency and 1853 01:55:15.660 --> 01:55:18.620 I'm going to meet with them and just see if that's what God wants to do. 1854 01:55:20.380 --> 01:55:24.200 I did that you all, because I knew that's what God was leading me to do. 1855 01:55:24.720 --> 01:55:28.320 I went and met with those people and I'm not joking. 1856 01:55:29.120 --> 01:55:35.080 I drove back two days later to Kentucky, or excuse me, to Ohio. 1857 01:55:36.440 --> 01:55:44.060 I was not even back two hours and I got a phone call about a job that I could literally 1858 01:55:44.740 --> 01:55:46.840 start a day from that time. 1859 01:55:47.700 --> 01:55:51.760 I'm not saying it's always going to work out that way, but I want you all to see sometimes 1860 01:55:51.760 --> 01:55:57.900 we're trying to do it all in our own strength and sometimes we need to like, okay, how can 1861 01:55:57.900 --> 01:56:00.520 I get myself into a network of people? 1862 01:56:01.140 --> 01:56:06.460 How can I like expand my ability of how, like, do I need to learn a new skill? 1863 01:56:07.660 --> 01:56:11.720 Do I, you know, like again, like I'm not saying she hasn't tried these things, but I want 1864 01:56:11.720 --> 01:56:13.780 us to not be in victim mode. 1865 01:56:14.280 --> 01:56:21.400 And how can we like trust God to give us solutions to the problem because he doesn't have problems. 1866 01:56:23.220 --> 01:56:25.700 And so Alice, I want to invite you into that. 1867 01:56:25.700 --> 01:56:28.260 I want to encourage you to pray into that. 1868 01:56:28.900 --> 01:56:30.720 Again, I'm not saying it's easy. 1869 01:56:30.980 --> 01:56:35.780 This is tough and I acknowledge that and I'm so sorry that you're in this season. 1870 01:56:37.680 --> 01:56:43.160 You know, but I believe that God will provide a way out for you regarding your job. 1871 01:56:43.800 --> 01:56:45.940 I do want you to be careful about this guy. 1872 01:56:46.920 --> 01:56:47.700 It's interesting. 1873 01:56:47.820 --> 01:56:52.620 I'm not going to read what someone private messaged me, but I had this thought and I 1874 01:56:52.620 --> 01:56:54.560 do feel led to ask you this. 1875 01:56:54.560 --> 01:56:59.160 Have you ever had anybody come and pray over your home and anoint it? 1876 01:57:02.360 --> 01:57:04.380 I did that via phone. 1877 01:57:05.080 --> 01:57:07.180 There was a witch that lived here. 1878 01:57:08.400 --> 01:57:16.860 I know because I found the new age little mirrors and stuff about the house. 1879 01:57:17.100 --> 01:57:18.900 So you you did that by phone. 1880 01:57:18.980 --> 01:57:20.000 Is that what you said? 1881 01:57:20.440 --> 01:57:22.080 Yeah, I did that by phone. 1882 01:57:22.080 --> 01:57:27.980 I went and I blessed, I mean, the entire property to you have a pastor that you go 1883 01:57:27.980 --> 01:57:32.700 to a church there locally that believes in anointing and praying over homes, blessing 1884 01:57:32.660 --> 01:57:36.360 homes. My church doesn't believe in that. 1885 01:57:36.400 --> 01:57:39.460 I don't think so. And we are actually without a pastor. 1886 01:57:39.700 --> 01:57:40.740 OK, right. 1887 01:57:40.740 --> 01:57:47.060 Are there any other churches or prayer centers that are anywhere, like even 20, 20 1888 01:57:47.060 --> 01:57:48.340 minutes from where you live? 1889 01:57:48.340 --> 01:57:49.700 Anything like that? 1890 01:57:50.660 --> 01:57:55.580 I mean, I. My American mom can come in and. 1891 01:57:56.640 --> 01:58:02.320 Pray physically here with me, but you should, I think you should, I think that you all 1892 01:58:02.320 --> 01:58:07.980 need to anoint your home and pray over it and pray over your property and yourself and 1893 01:58:07.980 --> 01:58:11.520 where two or more are gathered, there he is in the midst of them. 1894 01:58:11.520 --> 01:58:17.200 I'm not saying you're not powerful enough, but I can tell that you feel alone in this 1895 01:58:17.200 --> 01:58:18.360 fight and you're not. 1896 01:58:18.360 --> 01:58:23.720 And I want to encourage you to invite someone that has authority, you know, in this. 1897 01:58:23.880 --> 01:58:28.920 And you do, too. But because of the struggle that you have going on, I just really feel 1898 01:58:28.920 --> 01:58:33.160 like you need to have someone else there to pray that and be there with you to do that. 1899 01:58:33.260 --> 01:58:39.040 And so I want to encourage you to think about that and invite her to come and pray. 1900 01:58:40.260 --> 01:58:43.940 You know, if she doesn't know about this situation, let her know what's going on as 1901 01:58:43.940 --> 01:58:48.760 well. Ladies, real important for us to always not to give in to fear. 1902 01:58:49.060 --> 01:58:50.500 OK, we don't need to be afraid. 1903 01:58:51.440 --> 01:58:54.220 We can feel fear, but not partner with it. 1904 01:58:54.560 --> 01:59:00.020 But let's also be wise and make sure if we're just, you know, some stuff just keeps 1905 01:59:00.020 --> 01:59:02.200 going wrong and keeps going wrong and keeps going wrong. 1906 01:59:02.300 --> 01:59:07.340 Well, that's an identifier that, you know, hey, it's a good time to have somebody 1907 01:59:07.340 --> 01:59:09.740 coming in, bless my home if that's never been done. 1908 01:59:10.060 --> 01:59:12.700 OK, so let me know how that goes. 1909 01:59:12.700 --> 01:59:18.200 OK. Yeah, we're going to be praying for you and believe in for God to just really 1910 01:59:18.200 --> 01:59:20.760 turn this whole story around for you. 1911 01:59:21.740 --> 01:59:23.700 Thank you for trusting us with that tonight. 1912 01:59:24.180 --> 01:59:25.160 Chrissy, go ahead. 1913 01:59:31.740 --> 01:59:33.580 So a couple of things, I think. 1914 01:59:35.280 --> 01:59:40.680 Well, I was while you were talking to all these other women, I was just writing down 1915 01:59:40.680 --> 01:59:43.720 because so many things were coming back up to me. 1916 01:59:45.420 --> 01:59:49.520 I when we did the breakout session, I really identified with the. 1917 01:59:51.580 --> 01:59:57.520 You always have to beg and beg God, and that's that's precisely how I've been 1918 01:59:57.520 --> 01:59:59.200 feeling in the past couple of months. 1919 02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:04.000 I even told this new lady that I met at this other church, 1920 02:00:05.140 --> 02:00:08.200 I had this picture of that little rabbit 1921 02:00:08.200 --> 02:00:14.020 that goes around the Derby circle to make the horses run. 1922 02:00:14.380 --> 02:00:16.200 That's what I felt like. 1923 02:00:18.000 --> 02:00:19.440 And I'm an intercessor. 1924 02:00:20.160 --> 02:00:24.740 I discern, I went hard after discernment for several years 1925 02:00:25.600 --> 02:00:27.860 because I'm such a feeler and an empath. 1926 02:00:30.000 --> 02:00:35.820 And I never, I know that God has shown me greatly 1927 02:00:35.820 --> 02:00:38.900 how much my words affect 1928 02:00:39.640 --> 02:00:42.760 and have faith for everyone else but me. 1929 02:00:44.000 --> 02:00:49.420 And how I felt like it was, 1930 02:00:50.140 --> 02:00:51.720 like he was just giving me crumbs. 1931 02:00:52.020 --> 02:00:54.360 So like the necessity is my roof over my head 1932 02:00:54.360 --> 02:00:57.160 and being very specific to what I pray for. 1933 02:00:57.240 --> 02:00:58.760 So I get what I pray for, 1934 02:00:58.760 --> 02:01:00.640 but it's like, it's necessities. 1935 02:01:00.840 --> 02:01:03.900 It's a car, it's a house, it's the clothes, 1936 02:01:04.200 --> 02:01:07.660 my food or help with the bill or something like that. 1937 02:01:08.240 --> 02:01:09.900 But when you were saying like, 1938 02:01:09.900 --> 02:01:11.980 what is it that you feel like you're having to beg for? 1939 02:01:12.760 --> 02:01:17.960 This, a family of my own, a husband, children. 1940 02:01:20.180 --> 02:01:24.660 And I've been praying for this man since I was 12, 1941 02:01:24.800 --> 02:01:25.800 at least that I can remember. 1942 02:01:26.660 --> 02:01:29.600 And at some point in time I just stopped praying 1943 02:01:30.700 --> 02:01:32.340 and I stopped believing. 1944 02:01:34.660 --> 02:01:36.060 And that's what I feel like. 1945 02:01:37.400 --> 02:01:39.540 So let me ask you, did I understand you correct 1946 02:01:39.580 --> 02:01:42.400 that you feel like a little rabbit that leads the horses? 1947 02:01:42.540 --> 02:01:43.800 Is that how you were saying that? 1948 02:01:43.980 --> 02:01:45.000 Did I understand you correctly? 1949 02:01:45.600 --> 02:01:46.800 Yeah, you know that little rabbit 1950 02:01:46.800 --> 02:01:47.660 that goes around the Derby? 1951 02:01:48.320 --> 02:01:49.700 Yeah, I just wanted to make sure 1952 02:01:49.700 --> 02:01:50.900 I understood you correctly, yeah. 1953 02:01:50.900 --> 02:01:50.920 Okay. 1954 02:01:54.260 --> 02:01:59.040 So, you know, rabbits get caught in traps pretty frequently. 1955 02:02:00.620 --> 02:02:02.380 I want you to think about that. 1956 02:02:03.580 --> 02:02:06.900 I think this is the enemy's scheme for you. 1957 02:02:07.440 --> 02:02:09.120 He's trying to make you think you're a rabbit, 1958 02:02:10.920 --> 02:02:14.420 but you're not a rabbit, okay? 1959 02:02:14.700 --> 02:02:19.560 And so what are you is what God needs to identify for you, 1960 02:02:19.560 --> 02:02:22.220 but you're a hundred percent, Chrissy, I can tell you, 1961 02:02:22.220 --> 02:02:24.280 God is saying tonight, you're not a rabbit. 1962 02:02:25.460 --> 02:02:27.560 The enemy is setting the trap for you 1963 02:02:27.560 --> 02:02:30.680 because he wants you to believe that, 1964 02:02:31.600 --> 02:02:33.300 you know, what you just said, 1965 02:02:33.340 --> 02:02:35.180 I've been praying for this since I was 12 1966 02:02:35.180 --> 02:02:36.500 and God's not giving it to me. 1967 02:02:38.180 --> 02:02:41.800 And so my question for you to be praying about 1968 02:02:41.800 --> 02:02:43.760 is if you think about it, you know, 1969 02:02:43.920 --> 02:02:47.780 when they set traps for animals, 1970 02:02:47.780 --> 02:02:49.980 sometimes, I don't know if this is true, 1971 02:02:50.160 --> 02:02:51.760 but back in the day, you know, 1972 02:02:51.760 --> 02:02:53.280 you'd see them put like, you know, 1973 02:02:53.280 --> 02:02:55.020 whether it's a mouse or whatever, the cheese, 1974 02:02:55.120 --> 02:02:58.020 or they'd put some kind of like little tasty treat 1975 02:02:58.020 --> 02:02:59.500 that that animal's going to go after, 1976 02:02:59.960 --> 02:03:01.800 try to get them into the trap. 1977 02:03:02.280 --> 02:03:04.840 Well, the tasty treat that the enemy has set for you 1978 02:03:04.840 --> 02:03:07.820 is this lie that, you know, God's withholding from you. 1979 02:03:08.040 --> 02:03:09.180 He's blessing everybody else, 1980 02:03:09.180 --> 02:03:12.340 and he's using you to lead all these people 1981 02:03:12.340 --> 02:03:14.700 and pray for them and get breakthrough for them. 1982 02:03:14.700 --> 02:03:20.000 And he's just tricking you and you're not getting blessed. 1983 02:03:21.260 --> 02:03:25.200 And so I'm not minimizing what you've been through, 1984 02:03:25.360 --> 02:03:27.160 but I wanna encourage you to pray into 1985 02:03:27.160 --> 02:03:30.260 when is the first time you believe the lie 1986 02:03:30.260 --> 02:03:33.500 that you were the rabbit in this scenario, 1987 02:03:34.360 --> 02:03:39.400 and that God is literally withholding things from you. 1988 02:03:40.220 --> 02:03:44.820 And the other question I have for you is, 1989 02:03:48.020 --> 02:03:52.540 at what point did you go in the waiting room? 1990 02:03:59.660 --> 02:04:04.260 Well, you know, Jackie talks about how we in our, 1991 02:04:04.680 --> 02:04:05.740 you know, in our own ability, 1992 02:04:05.840 --> 02:04:07.960 we think we've been waiting 1993 02:04:07.960 --> 02:04:10.380 and preparing the whole time for our husband. 1994 02:04:10.580 --> 02:04:12.920 We're just waiting for God to drop them in our laps. 1995 02:04:13.420 --> 02:04:16.660 But the reality is, is sometimes we're actually, 1996 02:04:16.760 --> 02:04:18.720 we've actually put ourself in a waiting room, 1997 02:04:18.800 --> 02:04:20.180 but we don't even know it. 1998 02:04:21.240 --> 02:04:23.380 You're waiting for God to drop them down, 1999 02:04:23.520 --> 02:04:24.800 waiting for God to drop them down. 2000 02:04:24.900 --> 02:04:26.960 You know, like church has taught for years, 2001 02:04:27.080 --> 02:04:29.620 you're waiting for your Boaz, wait for your Boaz. 2002 02:04:29.720 --> 02:04:31.780 You can't date, you gotta only, you know, 2003 02:04:31.780 --> 02:04:33.700 you date to marry, so you just can't date 2004 02:04:33.700 --> 02:04:35.660 and you can't practice all these different things 2005 02:04:35.660 --> 02:04:37.080 and messages that have been out. 2006 02:04:37.080 --> 02:04:38.300 I kiss dating goodbye. 2007 02:04:38.400 --> 02:04:41.360 And, you know, we grow up in these things 2008 02:04:41.360 --> 02:04:42.500 that are being conveyed 2009 02:04:42.500 --> 02:04:45.020 that actually were never a part of the word. 2010 02:04:47.200 --> 02:04:50.300 And so I just am wondering, 2011 02:04:50.720 --> 02:04:52.340 because the reality is this. 2012 02:04:55.540 --> 02:04:57.980 Do you mind if I ask how old you are? 2013 02:04:59.080 --> 02:04:59.560 I'm just turning 24. 2014 02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:08.600 okay awesome 44 is a great age it's amazing um i love my 40s so i hope that you are starting to 2015 02:05:08.600 --> 02:05:15.900 enjoy yours as well but here's the thing i want you to pray about from the 12 to 44 2016 02:05:16.800 --> 02:05:21.620 god was it really that i've just been waiting and you haven't given it to me 2017 02:05:22.260 --> 02:05:30.080 or did i believe a lie at some point that i i went into the waiting room i just was waiting 2018 02:05:30.080 --> 02:05:36.340 for you to drop this person in my lap instead of activating and you might have been trying to date 2019 02:05:36.340 --> 02:05:43.140 i'm not saying you weren't trying to date but internally if you don't believe that if you 2020 02:05:43.140 --> 02:05:49.200 believe the lie that there's not any good men out there or that there's not a good man for you or 2021 02:05:49.200 --> 02:05:55.240 you don't know if god really is going to fulfill this promise well that's showing up when you're 2022 02:05:55.240 --> 02:06:01.680 going on dates too and it could be like self-sabotage or you know all these different 2023 02:06:01.680 --> 02:06:06.400 attachment styles that you know anxious attach or avoid an attachment all this stuff that shows up 2024 02:06:06.400 --> 02:06:11.880 that gets in the way so it doesn't mean that you haven't necessarily been trying but there are 2025 02:06:11.880 --> 02:06:19.040 there are a lot of women that have come into our movement honestly that were in that i kiss dating 2026 02:06:19.040 --> 02:06:28.340 goodbye era and they literally did not date for 20 years you all but they believe the lie 2027 02:06:28.340 --> 02:06:33.080 that they've been praying and praying and praying and god is just not giving them what they're 2028 02:06:33.780 --> 02:06:40.480 asking for but that's not think about all the other blessings that we get in our life 2029 02:06:41.560 --> 02:06:46.880 how do they come is it a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow 2030 02:06:49.040 --> 02:06:51.660 how often do we get a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow you all 2031 02:06:52.240 --> 02:06:57.720 no we got to go out and work a job don't we we got to earn it i'm not saying you got to go 2032 02:06:57.720 --> 02:07:02.040 earn you're not striving for this spirit mate but i'm trying to make a connection here 2033 02:07:03.140 --> 02:07:10.360 we have to heal we have to change how we're showing up in dynamics with people men and women alike 2034 02:07:11.400 --> 02:07:17.340 and really learn how to date in a healthy way and interact and get to know people 2035 02:07:17.980 --> 02:07:24.400 learn what we like and you know sometimes i don't know about you sometimes chrissy we're serving the 2036 02:07:24.400 --> 02:07:28.800 kingdom and we're serving the kingdom we're serving the kingdom and that's amazing but so 2037 02:07:28.800 --> 02:07:35.320 much to the point that we put our own stuff on the back burner so guess what that's actually 2038 02:07:35.320 --> 02:07:42.100 putting us in the waiting room so do y'all see all the different ways the waiting room can show up 2039 02:07:42.100 --> 02:07:47.920 here so i want you to pray into those things and again i'm not saying you haven't experienced 2040 02:07:47.920 --> 02:07:53.140 these things but there are shifts that you're going to have to make in your spirit 2041 02:07:53.620 --> 02:07:58.020 and come out of alignment with the lie that god has been withholding from you 2042 02:08:02.340 --> 02:08:05.420 my mom begged me not to read those books 2043 02:08:06.480 --> 02:08:11.780 she begged you not to that's good begged me not to did you read them though i did 2044 02:08:13.320 --> 02:08:21.820 yeah and and i'm not putting those people down either we know in part and we see in part you all 2045 02:08:23.080 --> 02:08:29.100 i think they felt like they were doing a lot of good for people but it just led a lot of people 2046 02:08:29.100 --> 02:08:35.180 into bondage um it's no different than messages going out in churches today telling you know 2047 02:08:35.180 --> 02:08:40.200 divorce people they can't remarry and there's just a lot of lies in the body of christ about 2048 02:08:40.200 --> 02:08:46.000 divorced people and what what the bible says about divorce just a whole lot of not truth being 2049 02:08:47.520 --> 02:08:56.180 preached so um you know you can unlearn those things it just might take some time but really 2050 02:08:56.180 --> 02:09:02.560 getting honest with yourself and really asking the lord you know when was there a time when i 2051 02:09:02.560 --> 02:09:07.920 i just quit trying because i didn't actually believe it was gonna happen 2052 02:09:09.540 --> 02:09:14.760 you know or any of that kind of stuff where you start identifying where the lies took root 2053 02:09:14.860 --> 02:09:22.100 did they take root at 12 did they take root at you know 15 when when was it um that god 2054 02:09:22.100 --> 02:09:27.760 wouldn't provide for you in this way um and let's see what's uncovered i feel like this 2055 02:09:27.900 --> 02:09:33.520 might take a little time chrissy so don't get and not that the answer can't come right away but i 2056 02:09:34.000 --> 02:09:41.820 just i'm getting the i'm sensing that there's some layers to this for you okay so if it takes a 2057 02:09:41.820 --> 02:09:46.520 little bit of time it's okay and i don't want you to minimize anything that comes up in your spirit 2058 02:09:46.520 --> 02:09:52.900 even if you think it's insignificant i don't want you to believe that it might be a memory that pops 2059 02:09:52.900 --> 02:09:59.940 up it might be like oh my gosh i had that thought this one day you know those kind of things or it 2060 02:09:59.940 --> 02:09:59.980 might be 2061 02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:06.160 bigger things where there was some kind of trauma, or you overheard something that impacted your 2062 02:10:06.160 --> 02:10:11.860 belief about marriage. I mean, there could be so many different things. But we need the Lord 2063 02:10:11.860 --> 02:10:16.560 to bring truth to this situation and bring things out of darkness and the light 2064 02:10:17.760 --> 02:10:23.600 for revealing for healing, because I feel like this is, again, lay some layers deep. 2065 02:10:23.600 --> 02:10:26.960 Yeah. I mean, just while you were talking, I can, 2066 02:10:29.560 --> 02:10:33.700 different parts of what you were talking about, I can see different memories, because like, 2067 02:10:33.700 --> 02:10:37.080 like I said, I, she begged me not to read those books, but I read them anyway. 2068 02:10:37.380 --> 02:10:44.940 But then I did date before that, and I did date after that. But yeah, there was like different 2069 02:10:45.220 --> 02:10:50.840 memories, especially, especially when I was 12. I remember sitting up and reading in my, 2070 02:10:50.840 --> 02:10:58.420 reading my Bible in my room, and reading, was it Paul's words that say, 2071 02:10:59.660 --> 02:11:07.640 it's better not to be married? Well, it's better to not burn with lust. But yeah, go ahead. 2072 02:11:08.200 --> 02:11:13.400 But I was 12. And that's all I remember. And I remember sitting there crying and saying, 2073 02:11:13.400 --> 02:11:18.220 okay, God, if this is what you have for me, then, then I'll follow you. 2074 02:11:19.800 --> 02:11:22.440 Okay, did anybody else feel that one? 2075 02:11:24.620 --> 02:11:31.100 You all, I'm so glad we stayed on for this. Chrissy, that's huge. 2076 02:11:32.420 --> 02:11:38.420 This is, this is the root of this. There might be more, but at 12 years old, 2077 02:11:39.140 --> 02:11:47.340 you misunderstood what scripture was saying. And you believe the lie. I mean, 2078 02:11:47.340 --> 02:11:52.560 it's okay for you to pray like, God, is this what you have for me? But you would know if God called 2079 02:11:52.560 --> 02:11:57.300 you to singleness, because you wouldn't have desire for a man and you would just feel called 2080 02:11:57.300 --> 02:12:03.360 to serve the kingdom. And that is it. But you told me I have a desire for a husband, 2081 02:12:03.360 --> 02:12:10.260 and a family and children. That tells me that God has always designed that for you. 2082 02:12:11.340 --> 02:12:19.820 But you wouldn't know that as a 12 year old. Right. And so I want to encourage you 2083 02:12:19.880 --> 02:12:23.920 to come out of agreement with the lie that God doesn't have marriage for you. 2084 02:12:27.900 --> 02:12:35.560 Okay. There's a sticker that I'm staring at, at my board. It says, I am meant, yeah. 2085 02:12:37.680 --> 02:12:44.400 He's always chosen you. I think that the tough thing here, ladies, and this is why, 2086 02:12:44.400 --> 02:12:48.440 you know, I, like, sometimes we just got to unpack this stuff. And I'll ask questions, 2087 02:12:48.440 --> 02:12:53.280 you guys might not even understand why I'm asking certain things. But I trust the Lord 2088 02:12:53.280 --> 02:12:57.380 will always bring to the surface what needs to come up. And I do think there's going to be more 2089 02:12:57.380 --> 02:13:03.060 to this, Chrissy, because I think that that moment when you were 12, here's what I think 2090 02:13:03.060 --> 02:13:07.540 is going to happen as you ask God to reveal this stuff. I think you're going to see all throughout 2091 02:13:07.540 --> 02:13:14.680 your timeline from then to now, different things that happened where the enemy reinforced the lie, 2092 02:13:14.800 --> 02:13:18.720 he reinforced the lie, and he kept telling you, God doesn't have marriage for you. 2093 02:13:19.440 --> 02:13:24.760 Um, and I think it will start to, as those dots get connected, you're going to see where it wasn't 2094 02:13:24.760 --> 02:13:29.040 that God was withholding from you. It was that the enemy was lying to you and you were believing him. 2095 02:13:30.260 --> 02:13:35.700 And again, don't, don't be harsh on yourself. Be very gracious toward yourself. Because again, 2096 02:13:35.700 --> 02:13:44.560 at 12, you don't know any better. Your defenses are all the way down. And you were reading the 2097 02:13:44.640 --> 02:13:52.040 Bible and misunderstood it, you know, it's such an innocent thing. Um, but I'm wondering if you 2098 02:13:52.040 --> 02:14:01.060 ever asked anybody about that. And what they said. So no, you never did. I never asked anybody. And 2099 02:14:01.060 --> 02:14:10.080 then it came up. It came up in conversation. I don't know, maybe like, if time is irrelevant 2100 02:14:10.080 --> 02:14:17.240 at this point, but maybe like 15 years ago. Um, and my friend at the time, we were walking through 2101 02:14:17.600 --> 02:14:22.780 something sort of similar to this hard work where you ask those questions. And I was part of a 2102 02:14:22.780 --> 02:14:29.240 ministry and he asked me those questions and that did come up then. And he said, no, you have to 2103 02:14:29.240 --> 02:14:36.260 forgive yourself for that. But, and forgiveness happens in layers. Remember, though, I feel like 2104 02:14:36.260 --> 02:14:41.540 this is another layer to that. I think you have more insight and revelation than you did then. 2105 02:14:42.380 --> 02:14:46.940 And that you are gonna, I think you're really going to break free from this thing. 2106 02:14:48.140 --> 02:14:52.660 Like, like all the way, I don't think this is going to hold you back anymore after this process. 2107 02:14:55.220 --> 02:14:59.480 So, um, pray into that, come into the group, tell me how it goes. 2108 02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:05.700 Even if you like pay attention to your feelings too. Okay, super important. Do you feel angry? 2109 02:15:06.020 --> 02:15:12.900 Do you know what all what other lies come out as you're praying into this and let's just keep unpacking this and see where it 2110 02:15:12.900 --> 02:15:13.580 Leads, okay 2111 02:15:14.740 --> 02:15:19.720 All right. Awesome. God is so good. You all he's so so good to us 2112 02:15:20.740 --> 02:15:23.800 Father, thank you so much for this incredible night 2113 02:15:23.800 --> 02:15:29.180 Thank you God for revealings for healing that have taken place those that are gonna continue to take place God 2114 02:15:29.180 --> 02:15:34.260 I thank you for upgrades in the supernatural realm. I thank you for heart surgery 2115 02:15:34.260 --> 02:15:36.980 That's gonna happen even while the ladies are sleeping 2116 02:15:37.040 --> 02:15:42.580 God, I thank you for sale arrest for myself and for them God that you would refresh our souls 2117 02:15:43.380 --> 02:15:49.020 God, I thank you that you would help the ladies go have fun this week and really enjoy being 2118 02:15:49.540 --> 02:15:55.680 Just in your presence allowing their inner child to come out to play and just laughter and silliness 2119 02:15:55.680 --> 02:15:58.460 Being just a part of their lifestyle 2120 02:15:58.900 --> 02:16:02.740 Because we know that men enjoy fun women 2121 02:16:02.740 --> 02:16:09.980 So help us to partner with fun help us to ask people to help us help us to interact with the world around us 2122 02:16:09.980 --> 02:16:16.620 Help us to come out of hiding and isolation more and more and more in the days to come and Jesus name. Amen 2123 02:16:17.060 --> 02:16:23.720 Have an amazing rest of your night. I'll be seeing you all in the group and I'll see y'all next week. All right 2124 02:16:23.720 --> 02:16:26.400 Bye everyone. Bye