All right, welcome, ladies.
I see a bunch of people logging in right now, so I'm just going to welcome you as you all
are signing in.
Today is October 21st, 2025.
This is your 1 o'clock Eastern heart check-in here with Love Story Accelerator.
I'm Carla Johnson.
I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year Single.
Do we have any newbies here?
Dana, I don't know if I recognize that name.
Are you new to phase two here with us?
I have attended, I think, one meeting previously a long time ago.
Awesome.
Well, we're glad to have you and good to see you.
All right, a couple of other girls are here as well.
Well, I don't have a whole lot of new...
I don't really have anything new housekeeping-wise.
I should be able to get through that fairly quickly today, and then we can jump into your
questions.
I see both Kims are with us today.
I got my girl, Lori.
Hannah, I think I've been messaging with you this morning.
It's good to see you.
If you ladies are able to come on camera, I'd love for you to be able to do that.
I got Carol Jean coming on.
Okay, yep.
We're at lunch hour.
Totally got it.
Yes, yes, yes.
So, yes.
We have the anniversary party coming up this coming Sunday.
Is anybody going to be able to come to that that's on live with me right now?
Do I have anybody?
Anybody able to come to that?
Mika, nice to see you.
Hi, nice to see you guys as well.
I don't think I have anybody that's on with me right now that's going to be able to be
at the anniversary party.
I do know there are some Phase 2 ladies that are going to be there.
So, I'm excited to see you all.
I'm excited for it.
It's going to be a good time.
So, if you are there, if you're watching this in replay, don't be shy.
Come say hello.
I want to meet you all in person.
Okay.
All right.
So, yeah, we got that coming up.
Y'all are doing an awesome job when you're posting and replying to us.
You're not replying to our comments.
Instead, you're replying to the posts.
Continue to do that.
Do I have anybody here that is waiting on a response from a coach?
I think I've swept through that app and I've gotten to just about everybody.
I know there was like a glitch for a moment where I don't think we were seeing posts,
but I think we've gotten them all.
So, if we have missed you, please, please, please let me know.
I want to make sure that we're responding to you.
We do our very best to try to get to you all within a 24-hour time period,
if not sooner.
Weekends are a little more challenging for all of us coaches,
so just keep that in mind.
But Monday through Friday, we do try to get in there at least a couple times a day
between myself and Ebony.
So, if you don't hear from us within a day or two,
just don't hesitate to throw up another message just in case somehow it's,
like, gone missing.
All right?
We're not ignoring you.
We just sometimes don't see them.
So, yeah, keep doing what you're doing there because I think that's working.
I think that's what kind of was holding up some of the responses.
Don't forget to watch our calls and replay.
If you are not able to come to both, we do record and post both of them now.
I know, like, last year we were only recording one and posting one,
but now we record both and post both,
because we really do just get a lot of y'all's feedback and your questions,
and we kind of do our teaching from that,
whereas before we were kind of just chunking the content
and teaching from the content,
but we had a lot of questions that were able to really teach a lot of the
content from your questions, so it actually works out that way.
So just know that your sisters are coming in and asking questions,
and somebody could be asking a question that will relate to what you're
experiencing in an 8 o'clock where maybe they didn't come to the 1 o'clock
and ask that question and vice versa.
So if you can come to both sessions, awesome.
If you can't come to either, watch them and replay.
If you can come to one, but can't make the other,
watch the other and replay.
It's always, always good.
Definitely make sure you're watching one video a week.
Don't rush through the program, ladies, okay?
You will do yourself a disservice if you do, all right?
A lot of my ladies that come into phase two
that might've rushed through phase one
will start recognizing,
well, maybe I shouldn't have jumped ship
in a month or two from phase one,
once they get to phase two,
because they're like, wait,
I don't know if I'm ready for this dating thing yet.
But don't worry if you did jump ship,
we still do heartwork here, all right?
So we still take heartwork questions.
You will see me unpack a lot of heartwork stuff
with a lot of the ladies here in phase two,
because believe it or not,
the dating stuff will surface heartwork stuff, okay?
I'm one of your coaches here.
I've been in the program.
I joined Jackie five years ago, believe it or not.
I can't believe we're celebrating five years.
I cannot believe it's been five years,
but I am one of the success stories, okay?
It took me a while, not to scare any of you off,
but it took me a hot minute,
but once I did surrender the pen
and release a lot to the Lord,
things did begin moving and accelerating for me.
I've been married now a little over two years.
My husband and I are blending a family.
I came with my own biological son.
He came with two children as well.
So we are blending, we're blending.
There's heartwork there.
So just know heartwork doesn't stop.
So that's why, just know I'm your coach
that will take you through the heartwork, okay?
Cause I want you fully prepared, okay?
That is what this season is.
It is to prepare you for marriage, okay?
The single season, I know we're like, okay,
we're ready to be out of it.
God bring me my husband,
but don't neglect this season either
because it is a preparation season, okay?
And I know that's not what we all wanna hear.
Trust me, I didn't get engaged until I literally was 40.
My husband proposed to me on my 40th birthday.
I'd never been married before, okay?
And I was just like, when's it gonna happen?
Let it happen, okay?
So I get it.
I know like when we're sitting here,
we're waiting, we're waiting, we're waiting.
We feel like, is it gonna happen?
When's it gonna happen?
Everything's gonna be better when it happens.
And I'm not saying that it's not great when it happens,
but again, there's layers of things
and God's timing is perfect
and he wants you healed first and foremost,
but it doesn't mean that you're fully healed
until you get into marriage
because there's constantly just healing
that just will always take place
and growth and all that stuff.
And it's good and it's awesome,
but it's a roller coaster at times,
but the hard work, the more you work at it,
the easier it gets
and the glory of God is just perfect and it's awesome.
So rest assured, okay?
So just know, hard work never stops.
You can ask all your hard work questions here.
I've been in it, through it,
single, engaged, married, blending.
I've been through all the hard work stuff, okay?
So ask me your hard work questions.
Ask me your dating questions.
I will work you through it, okay?
So yes, you don't have single city groups
because you don't have Facebook.
Facebook is not required for phase three.
We still have the app for phase three, okay?
It's just another tool that we use.
The Facebook for phase three,
we kept it when we incorporated the app
because our app does not have that feature
where we can connect as easily with each other
the way Facebook does,
where you can friend requests,
where you can message each other in Facebook.
We don't have that feature in the app.
I know that's something that's been a work in progress.
I do not know where we're at with that in the app.
I'm not on that side of the team,
but that's why we have the Facebook in phase three
because it is a bigger community, okay?
We're a little bit small.
smaller here in phase two, that literally is for you ladies,
because as you are jumping into the dating pool
and you're starting to date differently
now that you've gotten heartwork,
we understand the value of having more one-on-one coaching.
And while we do offer one-on-one coaching,
we don't offer it, it is at an additional cost.
So we have this smaller phase to allow you the opportunity
to come to a smaller group,
to give you the opportunity to ask us questions,
to receive a little bit more
of a one-on-one coaching experience
for a shorter amount of time, if that makes sense.
Okay, whereas we have the phase three,
which is a bigger group,
where you just may not always have the opportunity
to have your question answered.
Does that make sense?
Okay, because there's hundreds of us
in the community for phase three,
where typically on these calls,
I think right now we've got, how many do we have?
Let me see here.
For some reason, it doesn't always show me.
I have 15 of you, okay?
Where if, when you're in phase three,
there's oftentimes around a hundred or more.
And if you ever are on our prayer calls,
there's typically a couple hundred
or Supernatural Saturday, there's a couple hundred.
I mean, we have close to a thousand,
I think in our community.
So not everybody is on there at the same time.
That's why we have things in replay
because people don't always have the same schedules,
but this phase is meant to be a little bit smaller
as you ladies are getting on those dates
after being kind of on sabbatical, if you will,
as you've been working on hard work, okay?
So just keep that in mind, all right?
So the phase three has the Facebook
because there's more of you,
and a lot of you ladies like to be connected.
You like to be able to get together, meet up,
like that's what those single cities are for.
That was one of the benefits when I was in community
is that we were a much smaller community then,
and it's just grown bigger.
But a lot of us, we just were connected
from all over the country, all over the world.
We built friendships.
When we travel, we ended up like connecting
and seeing each other.
I mean, I have girls from all over the country.
One girl actually got engaged, she lives in Australia.
She and her husband actually came over to the States,
got married in Austin, Texas.
In fact, Jackie officiated their wedding.
Jackie officiated my wedding.
My husband and I drove down to Austin from Dallas
to attend her wedding.
And so she lives in Australia.
So like we have connections in Australia all over.
We have ladies all over the world, all over the continent.
So we do have that, like Facebook does allow us
to be able to connect in that way.
So that is kind of one of the benefits
of being able to have Facebook, but we still have the app.
So you don't necessarily have to have Facebook
in order to be in this community.
So that's kind of the long answer, Carol Jean,
to your question.
So don't feel like you're forced to have Facebook, okay?
But if you still wanna stay connected
and you want to connect with people,
just post your information, okay?
So that ladies can see, hey, you're in Orlando.
I know I came from Sarasota, Florida.
So we have ladies in Tampa.
I know there's a couple ladies still in Sarasota area.
One lady actually, we just coached a few months ago.
She was in our phase.
She's in Sarasota.
And then there's some in Tampa.
I know there's a handful in Orlando.
We actually just had one girl get married.
She was in Orlando and she moved to Alabama.
I think it's Alabama, Ann Marie.
So she's been in our community for a couple of years.
So there's a lot of people in that Florida area.
So if you just put up your information
and your contact, your email, whatever,
you can get connected to a lot of the ladies
in our community as well.
So it's definitely a benefit.
You can make lifelong friends here.
It's definitely something that I've benefited from.
Like I said, I've got a lot of the ladies
that I met in this community were in my wedding,
So it's just nice to have community
that has been in this program,
that knows what this program is all about.
So that when y'all are, you know,
dating or struggling with dating, you have each other to pray for and to lean on and
to lift each other up, okay?
So that's my encouragement for you all, is use this community as a sisterhood to connect
with.
Cool?
Awesome.
Okay, ladies, I'm going to go ahead and pray for us and then I'm going to open the floor
up to y'all's questions.
So we've got 16 of you on now, that's good.
I like to always try to hit for at least 20, 20 of y'all.
I know this daytime one is not as busy because we're in the middle of the day and I know
a lot of people are working and so we are at all different time zones and things of
that nature.
But I like to encourage y'all to come to this one if you can because we have a lot more
of you coming to that eight o'clock one because most of y'all work.
But I know not everyone can get their questions answered in the evenings as easily as they
can on this call.
So that's why if you know you have a question and want your question answered, I usually
can get to you on this call where we might not be able to get to you in the evening because
there's a lot more women on that one, okay?
So all right, let's go ahead and pray and then I got four hands up, so that's good.
All right.
Heavenly Father, I just thank you.
I thank you for this community of women.
I thank you for Jackie and David.
I just thank you for their ministry.
I thank you for their dedication and their obedience to just follow what you've asked
them to do, Lord.
You know, we're going on five years and I just, I know I wouldn't be where I'm at if
it wasn't for their obedience to what you've put on their heart and I just thank you for
that.
And I thank you for the opportunity to come here and just, you know, be able to pour into
all these women here, to share my testimony, to be an encouragement to all the ladies here
and to be able to pray in and speak life over their marriages and to give them hope and
just encouragement and just to be able to lift them up and to know that I've walked
the same walk that they've walked in and that your promises are good.
And even in those moments where it doesn't feel like it is, where you're just not sure
that it's actually going to happen, but that, you know, we're here to come alongside them
to remind them that, you know, your promises are good and you will fulfill every promise
that you've made, that you don't turn void on any of your promises.
And Lord, I just, you know, I just speak life and breath over them and fill them with that
hope and that encouragement and to give them the strength to continue to press forward
and to fill them with that hope.
Lord, just to, again, just to remind them that nothing is impossible for you, nothing.
When it feels impossible for us, it's not impossible for you, that we can surrender
the hard to you, that you care for us, that you love us, that there's nothing too difficult.
That we can be vulnerable with you, Lord.
That anything that worries us, concerns us, scares us, makes us fearful, that we know
that's not from you, but that we can lay it at your feet and you will bear that burden.
That you already know what we're dealing with and you already got those answers for us.
That you want marriage more for us than we want it, but you also want us healed.
Lord, I ask that you allow these ladies to surrender that healing to you, to place that
in your hands, Lord.
That once that healing comes, Lord, and once that surrender happens, that you may supernaturally
accelerate their love stories.
Allow them to trust that you have their best interest at heart.
You're a good father and you are going to restore all the lies, all that's been stolen,
and you will repay it back.
Lord, that there is a refund.
It is theirs, Lord.
The enemy cannot take what has been stolen.
That's what's been given.
He can't steal what you have already given to them.
And those promises you've given them, Lord, I just ask you to be with them.
Let's open up our call today.
Let's just share wisdom.
Let's have fun.
Let's share our hearts.
Let's be open to what you want us to receive, Lord.
I pray for breakthrough and healing and laughter and joy and absolute
supernatural hope, Lord.
In your son's name, amen.
All right.
I got four ladies up.
OK, I got Lori, Mika, Leah, and Kim.
All right.
I apologize.
My voice, my mouth is always so dry.
All right, Lori.
How's it going?
How are you doing?
Hey, Carla.
OK, so I had two video dates this weekend.
And one I didn't care for, and the other one
was the one I talked about last week.
And this was a guy that his name is Ramesh.
And we had like a, like I was really intimidated because he's
very high profile in business.
But he was actually super warm and really a delightful gentleman.
And so that was good.
And it was about 40 minutes maybe that we chatted.
Did have some like anxiety when he said he needed to go
or like, you know, this is good.
You know, enjoyed this.
But he said, I'd like to do this.
I'd like to get to know you.
OK.
Which was great.
So anyway, the next, we messaged a few times after it maybe.
Oh, gosh.
Yeah, maybe just a few messages afterwards
he sent a picture of his church service he was going to.
I sent a picture of the beach that I was out walking at.
It's just like, it was lovely to connect.
So it was great.
Like right after, right after, right after the call,
he messaged.
So that was like, I'm like, oh, my gosh.
I just love somebody who just follows up and says something.
And so it was just like, I just felt so much peace.
The next day, he messaged, great sermon this morning.
That was it.
And this was like, so like before when we were like on Holy,
it was sometimes he'd share some stuff.
And sometimes it was real, you know, real just it
felt like throwing facts over the fence at each other
and didn't feel like a whole lot of emotional connection.
So that's when I asked for a video date.
Yeah, good.
And now this other guy is messaging me
that I don't want to talk to him.
That's why I keep like doing this.
So anyway, yeah, so it's like, I just want to, you know,
I just said, hey, I know you're busy.
When I messaged and asked for the video date,
I said, hey, I know you're busy.
Would love to hear, you know, and all the things.
Let's bring you the most joy, whether it's
in your work or with your kids or, you know,
your new endeavor that you're going after.
And so he immediately messaged back and said,
yeah, Holy is another dating app.
He immediately messaged back and gave me a date and a time.
And I'm like, oh, man, that's what I'm used to.
So like I just love, I think I love a bit of formality.
And he was just like, I felt like I put myself out there,
but he was just like right back on it.
So it was great.
So yesterday he messaged, great sermon.
And I'm like, oh, no, we're not going back to this,
like throwing facts of the fence thing.
So, and then later in the day, and I said, great to hear,
you know, you know, and just shared like a sentence
about what our sermon was about.
And he just liked it with a cross.
And he was like, ask what I want prayer for.
And then I'll send like a voice note of prayer.
And I, so I'm like, oh gosh, you know,
just being careful with that.
And I sent a prayer.
Yeah, definitely be careful with that.
I sent a prayer back, but I felt like.
Question.
So anyway, when he said great sermon, what, what.
could you have done to respond to him,
to maybe pull more out of him?
Okay.
Oh, what did you love about it?
Well, yeah, there you go.
Yeah.
Do you see how sometimes, like,
you can try to pull things out
to kind of keep that conversation going?
Because ladies, guys are not always great texters.
Yeah, he was very,
he was very communicative and warm
with the conversation.
I'm like, oh, wow.
Like he just-
So when you're on video chat?
Yeah.
Okay, so then last night-
Yeah, so maybe, you know, ask that question.
Awesome, well, what was great about it?
Like, what did you get from it?
Like-
Yeah, I know, I don't know.
It's a conversation.
My heart just immediately went to, oh, that's it?
Yeah, so let's not go there.
So instead, like, okay, I don't want it to go there.
So what can I do to maybe pull something else out?
And then instead of it, again,
so that we can get off the texting part,
maybe he responds, be like,
well, if you're free today or tomorrow,
why don't we jump on another video call?
Okay, so here's the thing.
So then later that, so I just respond,
you know, I didn't pull them out.
I just responded with like,
and they were just more statements.
So I guess I'm doing it too,
which is a really great point.
Yeah, and interesting to explore the belief behind that
of like, oh, he doesn't want to ask me any questions.
So then he messaged Jen,
Jen Johnson, like, he messaged a song to me,
a battle, like a worship song.
And so again, I had the same sort of like,
oh, that's it, like, so it's really interesting.
So anyway, I thought I'm gonna create-
So what's your belief behind that?
Like, what is the core belief behind this?
Like, what's your anxious thought or concern?
What's that thought that's replaying in your head?
Like, what's the fear?
It just feels lifeless.
Like, you know, it's so funny.
I didn't think, oh,
I should like ask a question back about it,
which is so silly, it's so basic.
But anyway, so I thought,
instead of like having this attitude,
I would do what I would like to receive.
So I just sent a quick voice note.
And I said, hey, you know, thanks.
I said, I had a,
this was just 24 hours after our video chat.
I said, hey, really,
I said, I had a really chill day here,
caught up with my sons.
He went to F1 racing.
He's really been into that.
My other one caught up with a couple of days ago.
He's out, you know, traveling national parks with his wife
and just hit Grand Canyon.
We'll soon hit, you know, Yosemite.
So it's fun to follow along with them.
And I said, otherwise, just a really chill day here.
And to be honest with you,
I didn't sleep at all the night, that night.
After we talked,
and I think I might've gotten caffeine from a coffee shop.
So I don't, because I usually like sleep like a baby.
But at any rate, yeah,
just shared a little bit about the day.
And I said, hey, thanks for sending that song.
I said, that brings back really warm memories
of my time at Bethel
and actually streaming their service right now.
And yeah, just really appreciate that
and hope you're having a great day.
And enjoy chatting with you.
Would love to do it again
and hope you have a great evening.
It's been, so I thought I'm getting to,
so I guess I did.
I said, I'm gonna,
I'm going to do what I would love to receive.
But not like any weird.
I love that.
It all felt very lighthearted.
I listened to it multiple times again.
I'm like, even though I was also so tired,
like ridiculously tired.
So I'm like, anyway,
then I'm like, I don't have to be perfect.
I sat in the space of like,
oh, he's just emotionally unavailable.
And I'm like, well, no, I don't know.
And so I'm just like, you know what?
I don't have to define it.
And you don't even have to figure that out.
I don't have to figure it out.
You don't even have to,
like ladies, what I want,
like what I love that Lori has really been working on.
And for those of you like that are new,
like Lori's been with us for a couple months now.
And so for those of you that are new,
I don't think that you have to rush out of phase two.
Lori's been like really processing through
and doing such great work.
And so she's really like sitting in this season right now
and really growing and like.
Processing through what Holy Spirit is showing her
Through these interactions with men and that's what this discovery dating process is all about
like she is spending time with the Lord in this process and
He is meeting her where she is at and that this is what like this is where the growth happens
This is where all that healing takes place
And it's it's amazing. And so so I did something new
Okay, I didn't message yesterday. I thought I'm just gonna mess, you know, the the inner child
so I'm like, oh Holy Spirit like I have something like my my teenagers coming out and like
Like I'm just gonna draw the line and let him you know
and then I'm like
I'm just going to like in a healthy way draw the line like I said in all these different spaces and I'm like
Okay, I need healing and like what would be a new thing for me to do yeah, and I thought nothing
Just don't do anything and it's okay now
So when when these type of emotions and feelings come up, so this is where that heartwork piece comes in
This is where like when you're recognizing these feelings that come up. This is where we talk about that
Revealing for healing. Yeah
When did this feeling like when did when
When did you first have this feeling when does it feel similar
like go back totally when my my dad walked away when I was doing history homework in in
High school like just that because it's definitely, you know an inner teenager that's coming up
And so like maybe some rejection there, right
Yeah, like emotionally abandoned. Yeah, and so and I had the honors with the Lord, but I can go back into that portal
And that's where then then it's like you recognize where that's coming from
What lie is starting to surface and then that's when you can start shutting it down with God's truth
Yeah, ladies even I mean and I'm gonna be I'll be very transparent with you like I've gone through this process when I was in
this program
so much revealing for healing happened so many lies surfaced and
I had to combat those lies with God's truth. I
Found my husband we got engaged we got married even in marriage some of those same lies will want to creep in
Doesn't mean that they go away
Once I recognize them, sometimes they'll still creep in. I just now am a little keener and wiser and
Recognize them. Yeah, and I once I recognize I'm like, oh, hmm. I know what that is now
I know what tools to use
to fight
That lying and what truth to speak against it
Yeah, when those like things start to surface you now know how to combat it with God's Word God's truth
What what experience has God shown you where that isn't true?
You aren't rejected one when has he showed you you haven't been rejected when has probably something he's processing through
Don't think I don't think I had a needy tone at all when I
Um, I
Have no idea and you know, I just I feel proud of myself for not having to end it
Yeah
You like you're recognizing a lot of times even nicely
Have to do anything about us a
Lot of a lot of times
I mean if he said I'm like did he say he wanted to get to know me because I I I
Copped a you know, I
Had a moment of neediness at the end of the phone call and I think so cuz I didn't I wasn't needy at all
And even if there's at times where you meet where you're needy, is that necessarily a bad thing?
Thank you
Yeah, cuz I'm gonna be like that in marriage
We're needy for our father in heaven, yeah
Right
Yeah, so what if there's moments where we are a little needy
What if there's moments our husbands are a little needy
Yeah, he did say. Oh, wow. Our stories are very different
you know, he grew up and
And I didn't share I didn't
I didn't, I didn't really, I shared from a healed place. Like my story, the story I tell myself
is different, but it's not that none of those things, the rejection or any of those things
didn't happen, but I tell myself a different story now that's equally as true. Yeah. So yes,
I'll share those things in time. I just don't need to. Yeah. And it doesn't disqualify you
from anything. Yeah. I didn't feel like this is that discovery process too, is this isn't
just about discovering about more about someone else and what you like, what you don't like,
but it also helps you reflect more about yourself. Like what stuff do you carry importance in regards
to yourself? How do you see yourself? How do you allow others to see yourself? How do you think
others see you? Right? How are we worried about others? See us? How do I worry about how a man
sees me? Like sometimes we've got to let go of that stuff. What if a man sees me as needy
or different ladies, your husbands are going to cherish you and protect you and provide for you.
That's what a husband will do. Doesn't mean that they're perfect at it.
It doesn't. I love my husband dearly. My husband is not perfect.
He needs a lot of grace, just like I need a lot of grace.
And that's totally okay. But Laurie, I just love how you show up in this community
and how you just allow the Lord to come in and work through your heart and you're growing
and you're healing. I mean, I laid on my sofa for most of the day yesterday, so I felt it.
Like I was like, and ladies, you're allowed to feel the field. Ladies, I can't tell you
about like a moment of like, even in my marriage, I'm like, I just need a day.
Yeah. We're blending a family and I have, you know, three kids, two of them are teens,
16, almost 14 and a 10 year old, like my 10 year old poor kid. He's, you know,
eating Mac and cheese in his bedroom right now, watching Netflix, you know, you know,
with his earbuds on because he got busted in the face of baseball yesterday at practice last night.
I'm like, can I just catch a break? Like days where I'm like, mom just needs a nap.
I'm having victory on the couch. I just need a break. My kids are like in the thick of it of
stuff. Like they're going through their teenage stuff. Like, and it's okay. Sometimes you just
need to feel it. Yeah. And yeah, just for me to do nothing. And I still like, I was so like,
well, it's over. And if he comes back then, you know, like having all these feelings and I'm like,
well, what would I do? What would you do, Lori? And it's like, I think I just need to give him
some air, you know? And we're here to process this with you. What would I do? You're going to
work through this process. I mean, the Lord's probably giving me some space and saying, Hey,
right there, let's put a pause on this. Yeah. But even for you just to hear today that it's okay.
So what if you need to feel needy for a day? So what? Yeah. You don't like, we don't need to
judge. What do you mean? Like, I feel like I reached out. You branched out. You sent the
voice message. You presented yourself in a healthy way. The ball is now in his court.
Yeah. That's what I feel like, too. You don't need to overthink why he didn't respond or why
we don't need to overplay that in our head. Yeah. A lot of, like I said, a lot of times
their responses have nothing to do with us. Yeah. It's where they're at with what they're
going through because we don't have all of the behind the scenes story. Yeah. I know he's going
after this new direction, this new thing. So I think he's pretty caught up and interviews with
But you don't have to sit there and overthink it.
Go and live your life.
Go enjoy life.
Yeah, I've pulled back in.
Okay, I'm doing my art.
Like you are showing up well.
You're having new discoveries.
You're having new interactions with people.
You're like, already this interaction is a win.
Yeah.
You're growing, you're learning.
You're doing things differently.
God's revealing to you areas where you're healed,
where some of that past teenage girl
is healing and doing things differently.
Yeah.
And there might be even an area
where God wants to sit here and say,
maybe there's some forgiveness here
that you can work through.
Yeah.
Maybe there's some level of healing here.
Yeah.
What are you believing?
What does God's truth wanna tell you?
Yeah.
It's okay to be needy.
I don't need to run after anybody
and try to get attention.
No.
I can just...
God's already given you attention
because he's already right there with you.
Yeah.
He's showing you, he cares about you.
He loves you.
Yeah.
He's with you.
Yeah.
You've got all the attention that you need
from your heavenly father.
Yeah.
He sees you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Lori, thank you so much for sharing.
I always appreciate you.
Thank you.
Thanks for listening and all your wild words.
Love you girl.
I love you too.
All right, Mika.
Hey, how are you?
Hey, I'm good.
So before I joined the program,
there was this gentleman that was also serving at my church
and we end up in the same kind of area,
like when I'm welcoming people
and he's kind of like,
just kind of keep doing security or whatever.
And so we would have like little conversations
and it would kind of like at the end of service
or after greeting or while we're greeting or whatever.
And so it kind of, you know,
and then we'll like look, but it was never like a formal,
he was just like, you know, someone had like in my community
they're like elders that led him to the Lord,
back to the Lord recently.
And his dad is a believer.
So he's not as, I guess, not as seasoned,
even though his dad is like born again.
So it's a little,
because I was asking the elders white husband
that led him to the Lord.
Like when I try to use certain language, the Christianese,
he didn't understand.
So it's challenging me to like, I guess, you know,
like, I don't know, not be so, I guess,
I guess just caught up in that, I guess the religion piece,
but like, just to like get to know him.
And so then it came along your program,
but right before I came along your program,
I kind of sabotaged it a little bit.
And I started kind of rattling out these things
about scripture and like, I don't know what I said.
I said, I listed all of the things that,
all my flaws, I listed them.
And then I listed all his potential flaws
because he would share a lot and he would be so bubbly.
And I feel kind of bad because when I did that,
like, I feel like there was like a shift,
like, and he was just like,
cause I was looking back, I was kind of,
I think I was kind of giving him a hard time a little bit
behind site, like after going through phase one.
And it was even a point where I said,
well, I'm not supposed to be dating anyway
before he even asked me on a date.
Like I'm looking back and like, it's all coming back to me.
Like all the things that are like, were like no-nos,
like after going through heart healing.
And I'm like, oh my gosh.
Like, and I'm like, and we're waiting
and I'm waiting until marriage and all that.
All the no's, all the no's.
And it's totally fine.
You're totally fine.
And not even going on a date yet.
He hadn't even asked me out.
So I'm like, oh no, fast forward.
So we started chatting again.
And, and I, even at one point when he was just sharing,
like just sharing his heart, sharing who he was.
And every time we would share,
I would just say what I'm not going to do.
And like, just as a way of like guarding myself,
like before I knew, learned about God defended again,
before the program, then I put it on pause, double back.
And so then when I was trying to like engage him,
kind of like from what I learned from heart healing,
I feel like he was a lot quieter and he wasn't calling,
he wasn't calling as much.
And, but we would still have conversations
in front of the church.
And so I started feeling like, I'm like,
is he trying to use me to triangulate me
or make me, make someone else jealous?
Cause you know, like some guys will use you to like
get attention of other ladies.
Maybe is he interested in someone else like triangulation?
And I'm like, you know,
and I did see him talking to someone like, you know,
just like as, you know, also working with him.
And I felt myself get jealous.
I'm like, oh no, what is that?
And, you know, and I felt myself get sad.
And so I felt like also after doing this program,
I felt like I wanted more clarity.
And also after watching some of the replays for this phase,
that it kind of gave us permission.
Cause I was waiting for him to ask me,
but it gives us permission to like,
kind of put the ball on the court
because I actually took it.
And I was just like, you know, we're just friends.
We're friends.
I'm looking forward to getting to know you,
but I'm telling you, we're just friends.
And he's already said that the elder,
the church was encouraging him to date ladies
in our community, date someone in our community.
And so fast forward, I, this past Sunday,
I'm proud of myself cause this past Sunday,
I came out and asked him, not this past,
the Sunday before last, I said,
when are you going to ask me out on a real date?
I just said it.
We talked a little bit first and I'm like,
cause he's like still flirting with me.
I still like he's still flirting.
And I was like, I came out and said,
I was like, I know I said, I want us to be friends,
but I kind of don't see, I don't see you as friends.
And I'm still, you know, there's a lot I'm like processing
and he was like, well, when's the next time
you're going to be greeting or something like that?
And for me, it feels like it doesn't feel,
I don't feel cherished, even though I think it's wonderful
to get to know someone in community,
there's something intentional.
We've been kind of chit-chatting since July, right?
And so like at a certain point as adults,
it's like, I want to know whoever I'm, you know,
is being intentional and purposeful with me, you know,
make a reservation for goodness sakes.
And if you can't afford to do a reservation,
I didn't say that about the Ford thing.
Probably shouldn't be dating.
No, no, no.
That's what I want to, I'm not going to say that
cause that's sabotage.
You see where this is going.
But I, so I came out and said, I said, no,
you seem like a nice person.
And, and I kind of, I kind of hinted that I was jealous.
I was like, you know, I'm not,
I'm not competing with all of the whole women's police,
the whole women's police force or whatever.
And I was like, I'm interested in you.
And he was like, and he was like, oh no, no.
He was like, the only person they would have to get to know,
get to know is my niece, my 10 year old niece or something,
which I thought it was sweet.
Like saying she, I guess he was like hinting about family.
But again, it's, it's kind of confusing.
Again, you see how it's kind of flirty, but not really.
And like, I don't want to be bread crumbed.
He's probably, my thought process
is he's probably a little taken back
because of how the beginning interaction happened.
It's probably a little bit confused.
He did say he couldn't tell that I liked him.
And so he found out that I liked him
because I told the elder guy and the elder guy told him,
cause I was like, how come he didn't ask me for my number?
This was before I did the program, of course.
And then I paused.
Well, and I think again, like you recognize like,
oh, I did all the no-no's,
which there's nothing wrong with that.
Ladies, I can't tell you,
I cannot tell you how many of the no-no's I did
in this program.
I mean, I totally did all the no's often.
And, and that's fine.
And, but guess what?
Even if you do the no's doesn't mean
that you can mess it up if it's meant for you.
Yeah. Thanks for saying that.
And so what he did, I want to just share this part too.
He, so after I said,
when are you going to ask me on a real date?
Cause what's really been stressful is he came out
and told me from the very beginning,
the reason why he hasn't been dating right now
is because he works 12 hour days,
which is understandable.
Right. And so when I asked him
when he's going to ask me on a real date,
he's like, I do have some leave time coming up.
But again, it's not saying I am going to ask you on a date.
And then, so finally,
I guess like three weeks or four weeks later,
kind of funny, like while I'm like praying
with some, some gals in community
and we're praying on like,
we're praying on like spouses and everything, he calls.
And so I felt like the timing was kind of,
you know, I did journal it.
Not that he's my spouse,
but I just put the timing with what is kind of funny.
I'm like, okay.
And then he was like, hey, what are you doing tomorrow?
And I was, but I had to do a training.
I was going to be out of state.
And I was like, okay, I'm like,
I'm actually going to be an out of state.
And he was just like, and he was like, oh,
and then he got distracted and he was like, oh darn.
And I was like, well, what were you going to ask me?
So do you think I should have just said,
like, I feel like, you know what I mean?
Like he didn't want to ask me like, okay,
I wasn't available.
Did he respond with what he was going to ask you?
He said, I'm going to call you back.
There's a, it was a distraction
because he had to do something for work.
And at that time, but he never called,
he never called back.
So I called, I called twice with two weeks
or three weeks it spanned,
just saying, I'm calling to see how you're doing.
And hey, how things going?
And then I left it because he knows
he's not going to see me a long time
because I'm taking care of some things
with illness and family and life and all of that.
So I feel like my question is, how do I,
I'd really like to.
get it back to where he's sharing,
like he was when we first started,
versus me rattling out all the rules
about like, I default to God,
I default to Christian music.
Oh, you default to Adam.
I will default to that, my God.
You know, how do I fix that?
Like, cause I feel like I kind of,
I don't, I want him to be able to share.
And if this is a potential spirit mate,
I want him, I'd rather him be comfortable
sharing like he was originally,
but I feel like I kind of breached that trust
in some way, or I may have made him feel judged
and unintentionally, and I want to,
and I can ask him, was he offended
when I said, I'm not a counselor?
I said something, I said something.
Okay, there's some things that's coming up for me,
and I'm trying to figure out how to,
I'm like trying to word it as a question.
Give me a second.
Mm-hmm.
Cause there's also something else
I kind of want to go back to that I went back to.
There's some, let me go back to this first,
and then maybe we can get back to around,
and I can figure out how to word this.
Okay.
Have you taken, have you taken
the attachment style quiz in the resource?
I didn't yet, I didn't yet,
but I can assume which one I am,
but I haven't taken it yet,
so I'm going to take it officially.
Which attachment style do you think you are?
I think I default to anxious attachment,
even though I think I took like a fake one,
like a abbreviated version of one,
and it said I was secure attachment.
Well, and this one is a small one too,
like this wasn't, this one isn't as in-depth,
like the one that like, cause I've taken this one before,
like the one that we have in the thing,
like in the resource, and it's just a very tiny,
like quick one, and it has me shown up as one way,
and then I've taken one with my therapist,
and it's the more in-depth, like psychology one,
and it has me like doing both,
like it's both anxious and avoidant,
but I tend more, like I lean more one way than the other,
which makes sense when I took the other, like with ours,
so it's not as in-depth, but I,
the reason I ask is because you,
you were saying things like,
is he using me, the triangulation,
the suspicion that you kind of had,
the jealous, all of that,
like there was some anxiousness
that was kind of coming up with that,
so now like, I'm wondering like, what's that rooted in?
Like where does that feel familiar in your past?
In my past, my last relationship, it was,
he was a little, he was somewhat narcissistic,
he was, in terms of like,
like he was just like charismatic,
and just all the love bombing,
and I didn't even know what that was,
and I was really empathic,
and trying to do more, do more, do more,
to like hold him, you know, and I have, you know, just,
and I think, but in terms of going back, further back,
I think it roots to like mom stuff,
like in terms of just this idea of needing to like care,
like, you know, be a caregiver, look out,
you know, be the kind of one that the family leans to,
like look out for her in her medical issues, and.
So you were like, you had to care for your mom
when you were younger?
Yeah.
Okay, so you kind of had to take on this motherly role
at a young age?
As a parental figure, yes.
Okay, so you kind of had to be a parent as a child,
okay, and then, so then you get in this last relationship
who did a lot of love bombing,
so you felt like you always kind of had to probably perform
and do and make everything fix, fix everything, right?
So now that's, okay, now this is starting to make sense.
I'm glad I asked this question first,
because now I can understand why you have this.
Do you see how this connects to now where you're feeling
like, what do I need to do to fix this?
Mm, that's good.
Yeah, that's super helpful, yeah.
Like now you're kind of like, okay-
I feel bad, I feel guilty.
Like, ugh, I wounded him.
I want this guy to know that like, I'm interested in him,
I don't want him to feel this way,
I wanna get back to where I was at, how do I do that?
Right, exactly, yeah.
Like, I gotta control this situation, right?
That's, nails it, nail on the head.
What does God say about us controlling things?
We have, we're not supposed to,
we have to give it to him, surrender.
Absolutely, beautifully said.
This one, I think we're just gonna have you
surrender this situation with this guy to the Lord.
Yeah.
Okay?
Yeah.
Let God handle this one.
Let his timing be perfect, because again, if this man is your spirit mate, or even if
this man is not your spirit mate, but you're meant to go on a date with him to reveal something,
it's going to be in God's timing.
And you don't want to rush something that God wants for you in a certain time.
That's true.
Right, ladies?
Okay.
Oh, I got Holy Spirit on this one.
I often share this story.
Some of you ladies that know my story with me meeting my husband, like y'all, I was in
this program for two years before I met my husband.
So those of you that are like, I just want him to come right now, I relate to you, because
I'm like, why is it not happening?
I see all the other ladies that come in after me, and I'm like, they're getting engaged.
Why is it happening to me?
And I'll be honest with you, I celebrate them at times, and there are some times I didn't
want to celebrate those ladies.
I'm just being real with y'all, because ladies don't feel like, I get it, some of you ladies
are going to sit here and be like, oh, I'm celebrating them, but I know, I know some
of you deep down are going to be like, I'm not celebrating them, but I don't want people
to know that I'm not celebrating them.
I get it, because I was there.
So I was in this program for two years, right?
And it just was not happening.
And I'm just getting my charger, so I don't lose you guys.
Okay, you're good.
So I get it.
And so, but timing, God's timing is truly perfect, okay?
It really, really is, all right?
If I met my husband before God wanted me to meet my husband, I would have turned my husband
down.
I wouldn't have been ready.
I was not ready to surrender this pin of needing to relocate, because y'all, those of you
that know, I was not moving out of Florida.
I was very headstrong about that.
I had to get to a place of absolute surrender and just like, defeated, like, God, you take
it, I can't control this, I'm like, this is yours, I'm exhausted, I'm not going to carry
this anymore, I can't, I'm literally under so much pressure, it is too much for me.
Take it from me, because I can't carry this anymore.
I don't have control.
I literally had to surrender all of this control.
If I met my husband any sooner, I would have cut and run.
Y'all, when I met my husband, when we started talking, like three weeks before we met in
person, because he was long distance, okay, we waited three weeks before we met in person,
I was ready to cut and run then.
I almost literally did not go on our first date.
Like I was already trying to figure out ways to get out of it.
If I would have met him any sooner, I would have left.
In fact, Jackie even knew of him through another woman in our community, who she had an interaction
with him and wanted to introduce him to our community.
She was supposed to have some contact with him to try to get him in our community and
match him potentially with somebody in our community.
Jackie even told me, I wouldn't have matched him with you, because you didn't want to leave
Florida.
Now, luckily, one of my sisters in the community saw him in another group and was like, Reach,
you need to meet my friend, because he mentioned that he worked in Florida.
We thought he lived in Florida.
He worked remotely from Texas.
His company that he worked for was in Florida, and he'd occasionally go to Florida for work.
So I was like, okay, I'll give this guy a shot.
But then I found out, within our first interaction of communicating, he lived in Texas.
A week prior to that was when I finally was like, fine, if I have to move, if whatever,
if I have to date someone that's not local, then fine.
If I had met him any time before that week, I wouldn't have gone out with him.
I wouldn't have even given him a time of day.
So God's timing really is important.
And that's supernatural, that surrender, letting go of that control is so important.
So Mika, I wonder if this is just highlighting to you an area that God's wanting to show
you some area of growth and healing.
All right.
Thank you.
Yeah.
No, that's so good with the control, because I do struggle with that.
And I've actually heard that before about the, oh, excuse my control.
Yeah, so you're gonna release that. All right, you don't have to you don't have to you don't
have to make this guy like you, you know, I understand you think okay, I made some mistakes
and whatever you can go you can go at it and say, Look, I really, I really faltered. And
I'm really sorry. You know, I met you before I joined this program. And I feel like maybe
I pointed out some flaws and I apologize if that offended you in any way or if I made you feel
like any insecurity. That was not my heart, my intention. I really would like to get to know you,
if you'd be willing. And if not, that's fine, too. Like, it's a no pressure. This is a just
I'm just getting to know you. He doesn't need to know that you're looking for marriage right now.
And if he does, and it's fine. And again, you can be like, Yes, I want marriage. But it doesn't
mean that I'm dating right now. And like, I'm like, interviewing you for my husband.
What's what we're doing here and discovery dating. I'm in a program that's encouraged me to get out
to know people to get to know myself to get to know what I like and what I don't like
to get to know more about myself, what healing needs to take place in my heart.
Okay. What a good man looks like. What's a good match for me? What's not a good match for me?
And just spend time valuing what God wants for marriage.
I love that. I love how you phrase that. I'll listen to that on replay.
Listen to replay right now. Because I don't even know what I just said. Again, like a lot of times
I just love Holy Spirit just kind of speak and just come off my tongue here. So if that spoke to
you, watch the replay, write it down. And hopefully that will encourage some of some of the others in
replay as well. All right. So I hope that blessed you. Awesome. Thanks for thanks for sharing.
All right, Leah, and then Kim. And if there's anybody else, and I think I saw some questions
in the chat. So I'll go back to those here in a minute. And I know some people have to go back
to work. So if you need to jump off, totally fine. This is still recording. So if you want
to catch it in replay, by all means, you can do so. All right, Leah, how are you doing?
Good. So I did meet somebody on our dating site. And we've been talking, I've kind of
met him in Nevada. He's in the process of buying a house there. Yes. And a town that only has like
a couple hundred people. Yeah. Pretty remote, like 70 miles from a grocery store. And he he's
a widower. He's been widowed 10 years. And I lost my husband 10 years ago. So it's kind of nice
because most of the widowers I've met, and have lost their wives with, you know, like a year or
two, and they really weren't ready yet. So, so we're having some really nice conversations. And
things are flowing nice there. I don't know that I would want to move to Nevada. I can honestly say
guess what, you don't have to decide that at this stage. I think that's what I I don't know if you
saw my response to you. No. Okay. Yeah, I responded to you. And that's what I was just saying, like,
this is a win. You know, you got the video chat right now, just you're still in that get to know
you face, right? You don't have to make any big decisions right now. You're still getting to know
him. You don't have to sit here and project in the future. Just be in here now. Get to know him.
What do you like? What do you not like? Do you have some things in common?
How far away is he from you? Well, I'm in Alaska. So he's, he's quite. Yeah. Okay. Is there a
possibility of y'all being able to meet in person within like the next like six weeks, you think?
Or what do you think that might look like? I don't know. He's, he's trying to buy a home
in a town that's in this town, but he's staying. He's renting in another town. He just moved there
in August. And with the government shut down, he just retired and he just got Social Security.
So in order for him to buy the house, the bank wants a letter from Social Security.
And yeah, just kidding. So so that's kind of his hold up. Although he's got money in the bank to
you know, plenty of money, but
They won't and he's putting like a third down on the house, but he's they won't proceed till he yeah
So security, so I don't know
Yeah, and he's he's just gonna be you know in the process of
Unpacking when he does get in the house. So and
So I don't I don't I'm not really looking at anything
Yeah, keep things low stakes right now keep things, you know, just
We're not gonna
Find out all the the details all the deep dark, you know, we're not deep diving here
Find out interest likes everyday life what you know
Make sure that you're doing some video calls try to do that maybe once a week
Right now kind of keep the pace. Okay, we want to just again continue to keep being in community
Let us know what's happening what your conversations are
Like what kinds of things you're talking about so that if we kind of see anything kind of going in a left field here
We can kind of help steer you back
So that way we kind of keep things pacing. Well
and
then
Let's see how that goes for a couple weeks
See if he brings up a time for y'all to meet in person because long distance you do definitely want to meet sooner rather than
later because again
in person it translates differently than just
FaceTime or
You know texting or messaging and phone calls. The energy is different. I mean
Well, go ahead. We haven't done a video chat. I know his okay the Internet
Or not the Internet his phone. Whatever is they you know, sometimes it kind of drops. He has
Well, then let's try to get
For sure because we want to see that he's actually the person he says he is that's important. Okay
So see if you can do that within the next week or two
All right, because we're gonna look and see like what his responses are
Because I don't want you to get in over your head
Because you're sitting here like I don't know if I can move I don't want you even go in there yet, okay
Yeah, yeah
But the funny thing is that church Sunday there's this
We don't have hardly any singles or widowers or anybody in our church
And there is this man at 77 that he asked me on a date last year
He's like 14 years older than me and he won some tickets to dinner and this show and I didn't go
But he he told me he saw me on a dating website
And I don't know where it was and he sent me a heart and he says I don't want you to think I'm
Stalking you but
Then he kind of asked me out again
He said well, he kind of left it open, but he said, you know, or you know, if you're not interested
you know, even as a friend we could go out for coffee and
so I it was kind of a
uncomfortable situation the first time and
So but I think I'm to the point where I would I would go with him for coffee as a friend
I mean, yeah, yes, it might be nice. He's probably just again. He's he's much longer and he's lonely
Yeah
Absolutely. And just yeah, make sure it's public place
Yeah, so that you you're because I want you to feel comfortable to like you should also
Like I don't want you to feel like you have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation
Ladies, that's always important. Like yes, we want you to be open to giving guys
You know an opportunity just to get to know people
Like again, Jackie wanted me to go on dates with guys that she's like, this isn't a love connection
You just need to get out and just have interactions with people
That was it
But it doesn't mean that you have to be put putting yourself in situations where you're like, I'm uncomfortable
Like that is not fun either
Like it needs to be enjoyable to a sense that you're actually going to enjoy your time of getting to know someone
So public place having a cup of coffee, you know talking about something that interests you that interest him as well
and
Don't be afraid to just be very transparent. Like this is not a love connection for me
He doesn't respect that then you can end things you can get up and walk away
Don't feel like you have to make yourself smaller to make
someone feel better because they're lonely like that's not that's not good either all right
he's a very very social person and um so i know and i knew his wife and when he moved here and
so he's not like a foreigner yeah well and maybe even if you wanted to do like a group thing and
a couple other friends together and y'all go hang out as a group so that way he's not lonely but it
doesn't have to feel like a date if that's even something that you want to offer up if that would
make you feel more comfortable but pray about it and see what you know what make like what feels
peaceful in your heart but let's get that video date with mr nevada okay and just keep us posted
about how the conversations are flowing okay because i don't want him deep dive in too much
information about his personal life that you feel like you have to return that same information
we don't want we don't want too much deep information being shared too soon before we
really know is this guy like legitimately wanting to have relationship is this potentially able to
be a actual relationship where y'all can have a long distance see each other sort of
interaction because then that will eventually need to be talked about and we'll go from there
but you're not in that you don't have to think about that right now because right now you're
just getting to know him right sound good awesome so just keep us posted
awesome cam what's your update how did things go with um with your guy um so it's going well so
okay remember i had the issue with the the body odor thing that was just a one-time fluke thing
um we want to so we've had date eight and nine now okay so um body odor was just a one
one off yeah okay and i you know my and even like that's my perfectionism kicking in like
everybody's you know it's like i i realize that i'm like you know you got to give him grace and
i mean he was perfectly fine we went to the botanical gardens on our eighth date and walked
around and it was hot and there was some sweating going on i know and he didn't smell at all so
i think i don't know if he forgot his deodorant that day or what happened but you know it happened
and i'm sure you know like in marriage there's just a few times where your spouse and sometimes
you gotta yeah right so that so that's gone i i've let that go but anyway so yeah that was the
eighth date so my ninth date was pretty much incredible um we went to a lantern festival
where you release those lanterns and there were so it got canceled for saturday because it rained
here so they had two two they were going to do it two days so there was a lot of people so there
was 10 000 people there um so 10 000 lanterns got sent into the sky it was so beautiful i can't even
tell you how great it was so you're in st louis right is that what i'm in st louis yes oh that's
had been it was so cool but what was really neat about the date okay he picked me up at 1 30 and
the lantern releases at 7 30 but they told us to get there early but this is kind of i've never
been to this event and with this many people i mean it can be a stressful situation sometimes
because you get there's the parking and that you know it kind of true colors come out like
with people like anxiety or you know or getting stressed out or where do we park and how do we do
this i was so impressed like we navigated this whole thing seamlessly as old people like i was
like we we rocked this like it was so good um and i in in my past i was in a relationship for almost
10 years um there whenever we would go to big events like this there was always anxiety
and tension even though we enjoyed it but there was always this stressful it just underlying
thing yeah i was so at peace the entire time he was so calm so collected just so there for me like
we had to walk across this field which a big field like because it was it was a lot of walking
but he took my hand i mean like you know because like the ground was uneven everything was just
i don't know it was great and we were interacting with a lot of people like there were young people
kids i just really got to see him and he got to see me in a a very interesting like situation
yeah and it was just so great and when the lanterns went up he said oh my gosh this is
like heaven and i was like it is it just felt so incredible
And so then later, so we got back, and I invited him in. We sat and just sat and watched a little TV,
but really weren't watching TV. We were talking more. And I guess the God thing came up again.
Anyway, I just said to him something about, you know, that's when I finally said,
if you ever, you know, would like to go to church with me, or I said, I could even send you the live stream,
and you could just see what you think. And he goes, no, I'd rather do it in person.
But he was totally open to coming to church, to my church. So I'm still a little like,
I'm not so sure I want him coming to my church yet. But the fact that he was open,
because that was that next phase that I don't know if it was you or Ebony talked to me about,
but to bring that up, and he sounds like he's completely open.
So one of the things I just wanted to say, tell the community, I'm just going to say,
and even to Leah, like, all right, he's older than me, right? I told you, he's like 12 years older than me.
So, but God, the package you think it's coming, I mean, I'm not saying he's my person yet,
but I am starting to get into my feels a little bit, and I'm nervous about it.
But I just think that it's just amazing what God can do through, you just don't know,
you put a judgment on something, and I did, I put a judgment on this, and I was afraid,
but I mean, he is just continually surprising me, and it's getting better and better and better.
So God is good. I don't know. I keep praying to him. I said, look, look, Lord,
I'm starting to get into my feels a little bit. I said, no, I don't think, I said, I haven't heard the no yet,
but you're not going to let us both like fall for one another and then say no, are you?
Like, you wouldn't do that, would you? And so I'm like, you know, but then I heard people that say they've got,
I think it was Renee that I heard she got all the way to Simba's with somebody, and then it was a no.
So it's like, oh, I don't, I don't want to, you know, I don't know if I can tell God that,
but I don't want to do that. I don't want to get all the way to something like that and then have the no come.
I feel like my heart's been through it. I mean, I'm older. I've been through plenty of relationships.
I haven't done this right. I finally decided to invite God into my dating and let him be my partner.
And I just don't want that to happen. So I'm nervous about starting to have feelings.
My other question to you, though, also is so now I don't really want to date anybody else.
I was thinking about keeping it open, but now I'm kind of like don't want to.
And I don't know if I should or I shouldn't or just stick with this guy and see where it goes with this guy.
I think you're like eight, nine dates in now. It's like you're at level two,
but you're in the deep part of level two where it's going to potentially start going into that level three.
I think now like you guys have had enough dates where, yeah, I wouldn't, I wouldn't cross that line.
Okay. So then, and I think then I'm probably ready to move to phase three. Right.
I mean, I don't know. I mean, I've been here for a New York minute.
Like I joined this program in January. Yeah. And I'm just now, you know, I'm still in here.
So it's taken me a while. Yeah. You've walked this so well.
Like that's why I don't want you to get so hung up on this.
Is God just going to yank the carpet out from under me? Like that's, I don't think he would do that, but I don't think that's it.
And yes, there are people that go into Simbis, but again, my experience, because again, I, my husband and I went in Simbis as well.
And so there were a lot of couples that were in Simbis with us that were in it very quickly.
I mean, even my husband and I were in Simbis fairly quickly, but it's not everybody that goes into Simbis is in the right state of going into Simbis.
Like, and that's why it's important to go there because if people are there and they shouldn't be there, it's going to pull them out.
Like, that's why, like, so I don't want you to think like, oh, it's just like, oh, we really just felt like, and then all of a sudden it's like, no, it's, it's there to kind of be that protective.
It's there to protect you, not to like crush you. Does that make sense?
I don't want that to make, I don't want it to be this like anxious feeling, like where you're scared of it when it actually is something that you, you're going to want to know if it's a no.
Does that make sense?
And it won't be this like heavy thing.
You're going to actually be relieved for it. Does that make sense?
Like, because you're in the right heart posture, like, I mean, I've coached you now for a while like you've come with the right heart posture and the open, like, I'm not.
not concerned for that for you, if that makes sense.
Okay.
What I love, I wanna just touch on,
cause I think these are teachable moments for the ladies.
I love what you said that, you know,
we think we know what the package is gonna look like,
but it doesn't always look that way.
Like that was the same with my husband.
I mean, I looked at his photos and I'm like,
well, he's not a bad looking guy, but he's just not that,
I didn't think he's that attractive.
I didn't think that was the package
of what it was gonna look like.
But obviously like I am very, very attracted to my husband.
I mean, he's still sometimes is like a little like
side eye with me when I, you know, I say that.
I don't know how he always feels about it.
I'm like, seriously though, like it wasn't what I expected,
but it was everything that I needed and wanted.
Like, if that makes sense.
Yes, it does.
So I love that when you share that ladies,
cause that's a lot of the stories in our community
is it's not at all what we would have imagined,
but it's way better.
And so once we kind of get past this idea
of what we think it's supposed to be like,
and we really actually open ourselves up
to what God like has for us,
we actually see it's even better
than what we thought it could be.
So I love that you shared that.
And I love, and ladies, I wanna encourage you,
like when you're going out on dates with guys,
especially when you get into like a few dates with somebody
that you're potentially like wanting to see like,
am I interested in this?
Is this a yes?
Or is it a no?
Go on dates that put you in stressful situations.
You wanna see what these guys are like under pressure.
You wanna see what you are like under pressure around them.
How do you respond?
How do they respond?
How do you respond?
And how do they respond to your response is important.
How do y'all respond together in high pressure situations?
It reminds me of a time, I think it was maybe our fourth day
I think it was probably about a month or so in,
about a month or so, month and a half in
to knowing each other.
My husband parked and he was, again, he was renting a car
because he was in Florida and he's from Texas.
And his car got towed.
And y'all, I don't handle those kinds of situations well.
Like that is a big stressor for me.
Like if I cannot get my transportation
because I've had my car stolen,
I've had my car towed several times,
I do not like being somewhere where I cannot
literally get myself to where I need to go.
And I know now there's Uber,
but like when I was growing up in my 20s and stuff,
like that was not a thing.
Like if you got your car towed or stolen,
like you were stuck there, right?
Even taxis were a little sketch, okay?
So when that happened, I was like, oh my gosh.
He handled it with like, it was not a big deal.
And I'm like, what?
Like, is this guy for real?
I'm like, this is the kind of guy that I need
in a stressful situation.
Like he is gonna handle, he's gonna help calm me down
when I'm in stressful situations.
And that's what I need in a husband.
Like it was just one of those things,
like when I'm stressed, he's not gonna be,
that's what I need.
Like I wanted to see that, I needed to see that.
I didn't need someone that was gonna feed my anxiety
and my stress.
Like that was not gonna be good.
You know, I didn't need someone else
that was gonna like have a hissy fit
that if I was in a mood,
like it was just gonna add to the fire.
Like, nope.
My husband is like the problem solver
where I'm like the 50 things can go wrong.
Like what if this happens?
What if this happens?
And he's like, well, then this will just happen.
And then we'll just do this.
And sometimes like, no, that can't,
like he's just the, but this, we'll just do this.
And I still will sometimes combat it.
But he's just like, stop, like chill out.
So it's good if you can find yourself on dates
that can put you in this high stressful situation.
So find an event in your area that has a lot of people
and there'll be crowds of people
and they have to deal with the parking
and lots of people, annoying people,
especially annoying people.
Like get.
around some annoying people, you're gonna see a side of
somebody y'all yourself come out around because I know some of
y'all like I know myself. Like I literally like put the charm on
and everything you get me around some people that are like snippy
and rude. The South Side girl will come out. Y'all will hear
like Jackie say like, you grow up on the South Side of the
kingdom. Like she grew up in Cleveland. Or was it like
Cincinnati? I can't remember. She grew up in Ohio. She grew up
you know, she was a tough cookie. Like you get me around
to some people like come to some of my son's like 10 year old
travel ball games and some of those parents that get feisty.
Me and one of the other moms, we will throw down. And then we're
in the corner asking for forgiveness from Jesus. God said
it was okay. They were out of line. So get yourself around
some of those situations. See how they interact. Like do can
they like do they mesh with you? Do you mesh with them? So
that's always good too. Alright, so don't don't be afraid to have
those type of dates either when you're going into like a third
date. Okay. Those are going to let you really see a person and
it's going to let them see you. And it's going to allow you to
see can you be yourself around a person and how are they going
to respond to you as well? Because you want to be able to
be yourself and your flaws around them. And you're going to
want to see how they respond to you. One of the things that I
love about my husband is sometimes when there's the not
so great parts of me that come out, my husband can love me
through them. But he can also tell me the hard things. And
then I can do the same to him. Like when there's some things
in him, I'm like, honey, that's not that doesn't look good on
you. And we can literally love each other through that. That
iron sharpens iron piece. Okay, ladies, it's been fun. I love
you all. Come to the app, share what's up. Let us know what's
going on in your life. Okay, don't be a stranger. I'll see
you all next week. Jump on tonight if you can with Ebony
and have a very blessed week ladies. See you later.