And I'm going to put a song, I hope everyone has been having a good week, that you are
filled with joy.
And just in case you're not, I hope that by the time we're done with the call, that you'll
get a little joy in, a little laugh in, a little hope in, some pepper in your step,
and some joy in your faith journey that we're all on.
And so, oh, thanks, Heather.
Hey, Lauren, I want an update from you tonight, if at all possible, and Lori, if at all possible.
Yeah, you Lori T'Challa, I guess, I've never called your last name before, but is there
anyone on for the first time?
You Susan Nochi?
No.
Second?
Okay.
All right.
Let's go.
Let's dive in.
We want to make use of all our time.
I count it on my way home from work today, that if I spent a total of five minutes with
each person, you talk for two, I talk for three, or you talk for three, I talk for two,
that I can get like 15 people in.
So I'm like, let's go, it's 7-0-1.
The first hand I saw was D, go for it, girl.
So, all right.
Hello.
Good afternoon.
It's still morning for me.
I kind of woke up and rolled onto the computer to give this face.
Okay.
So I've had some developments literally five minutes ago.
And so that's kind of thrown me a little, but I just wanted to talk a little bit about
Mr. Man Man Man.
Yeah.
But also just to give you a quick update on what's happening with the others that I mentioned
recently.
And thank you for your comments.
I just haven't had time to actually say thank you and answer back.
You and Carla are amazing.
But with regard to the smoky person yesterday, he went in on some kind of weird, this week
it was like, I think I saw you at pizza.
I think I saw you.
And so he responded back.
Oh, where?
Because it couldn't be me.
Because in Sabbath, by the way, I'm at home, resting or maybe in church, I think.
But anyway, I was like, oh, where?
And then it was like, that was awareness then or whatever.
And then he responded back at pizza place.
So I hadn't had a chance to respond.
And then he sent that post that I sent you about the smoke or whatever.
Anyway, as I was ruminating on it, I thought I'm going to respond back and just let him
know that I'm not, just double check.
Are you a smoker?
But I think it was very clear he's a smoker.
Anyway, since then, he said, hey, are we going to make it?
He sounds a bit, I knew there was something about him anyways, why I didn't give him a
number.
But I also thought I saw you on the back of a Harley with some big guy.
What?
Like 6'4", whatever, 240 pounds.
I was like, that's probably why she's not in comms.
I mean, what?
Anyway, anyway, I'm going to sign off here.
I mean, girls in person, it seems to be the go-to.
So I hadn't even formulated my response before I saw that.
It was almost there.
So I just responded, hello, neither of these females are me.
Agreed, meeting in person is the ideal.
I'm not a smoker.
I noticed your previous message.
It seems we're not a good fit.
All the best.
You know, I'm just like, done.
Yeah.
And then I got back.
Anyway, I'm done with him, but I quit smoking a long time ago.
Thanks for that, pointing that out.
It's just marijuana.
I mean, what, does he eat it?
Like, anyway, next, right?
Just something to give you a little laugh.
That just happened.
But aside from that, someone that I, you know, I've been so busy and I've been getting all
these requests and I got sick and all of that.
Someone popped up a few minutes ago and he looks pretty cute.
And he literally went straight for it.
I didn't respond to him.
Last comment back to him was back in September, I realized, because it's so many people.
I just haven't, you know, had the energy time bandwidth.
And anyway, he popped up.
I'll tell you, God's working a thing.
At the risk of looking silly and hopelessly desperate, I wanted to reach out again and
see if he'd like to get together for lunch or a drink sometime.
And I responded, yes.
So there's a new one.
I haven't named him yet.
Give me time.
There's someone else, Mr. Hairy.
We'll talk about him on the chat.
But essentially, most importantly, I'm rushing because I know that we've got limited time.
Mr. Man, man, man.
So we moved back from Hawaii to California.
And it's hot.
And we've been in contact.
Where I am is that this is the first time I've dated for discovery, for fun.
So it's the first time I've dated really in this way.
So I'm sticking to that assignment.
but I realized that we are very fond of each other.
Now we could just be friends, like I mentioned,
you know, we've got such a good rapport,
we really get on, like, I mean, if nothing else,
he's a friend for life, hopefully,
you never know with people,
but we've got that kind of a connection,
like really good rapport.
So I am trying not to read into it,
but it is that thing where absence makes the heart
go thunder, like, what's going on?
Like, what is going on?
Like, what's going on?
And so, yeah, I mean, we don't have to,
again, we don't have to talk about it here,
and if you would suggest a one-on-one,
and that's kind of where I was going last week,
because I don't really know,
and I need to spill out all my feelings and stuff,
but I don't know what I'm feeling,
if I'm feeling anything, or if this is just normal,
if that makes sense.
And so we continue to rapport by text,
we haven't had a phone call yet,
he's always been very keen, like, you know,
he gives the impression, like, every time I respond,
that it's always good to hear from you.
You know, due to the time zone now, the difference,
when I'm able to chat,
which is typically the time we would have chatted before,
and it's just my only availability time for anyone,
it's late over there,
so he's in bed already, or whatever,
and I've realised the last time, again,
that I was chatting away, and like,
oh, wait a minute, you know, it's late.
So I sent a response back,
apologised, then I realised,
but, you know, I got a kind of, you know,
it's always good to hear, you know,
whenever you can fit me in,
he's got that kind of communication,
he always has done with me,
because he knows I've got a lot happening,
and running a business, et cetera.
So I'm just kind of just,
I mean, my question, I suppose, to you is,
do you suggest, I'd love to have a one-on-one with you,
so I don't know if that's where we can unpack it,
because I don't really think we have the time,
but you know best, right?
I don't know, maybe I'm not even articulating it very well.
Maybe I could, I could provide some feedback,
so that you can kind of navigate,
and we're at seven seconds.
But I would say to consider that,
that, okay, some dynamics are happening.
He's about the best one that you've talked to,
that you really like,
you haven't had any other contenders,
so that could be highlighting him more.
Also, he could be highlighted more,
because now you can't get to the thing you liked,
and that creates this thing,
like it's something more than what it is,
it's just because you can't get it.
So it's that delayed gratification,
versus that more instant gratification.
He does make space for who you are,
seemingly through his messages,
like when you have time,
so that could give you,
that can make you feel some type of way.
Like that could be winning little points for you,
because it's like when you have time,
because I know that D, you're just so busy.
And so that could be doing something for you,
that he considers your time.
So that means he's considering you,
and that could give a little soft space for you.
Like that could just be working in the mix,
of feeling like you like him so much.
It's not that it's a wrong feeling,
but these are some barriers.
Sometimes we don't add up the variables,
or the things that's running in the background.
Yeah.
So he's considerate of your time,
he's considerate of what you have going on,
that could equal that he's a considerate person.
You may enjoy considerate people,
maybe you dated people in the past,
that weren't very considerate of you.
I'm not sure,
but they could be winning him some brownie points,
like you like that about him.
Now, on the other hand,
so you may wanna think about the things,
that are running in the background,
and then think about the things that are reality.
You're on different time zones,
so you won't be able to build relationship.
If you go down this road of investing,
you're gonna have to take flights to see each other.
So that's the thing.
So there's a distance there,
and that's gonna slow up the experience.
So most of your experience,
is gonna be through communication over Zoom,
which at the same time you'll be communicating,
but it will cost you experience,
so you really don't know the person.
Yeah.
And by you being on different time zones,
you're not trying to keep a check on a person,
but you really don't know what other life,
they could have going on,
because your lives are because of time zone,
is gonna put you out of touch with each other.
Mm-hmm.
And so like, you can process through that,
and what it really would look like,
trying to build a relationship,
because at this point, if you keep talking,
you're gonna have to do something,
either you're gonna like him more,
based on whatever you're thinking about him now,
or you're gonna make a decision to say,
hey, it was great getting to know him.
If we ever connect life again,
I'll have a chat with you.
That's how I feel, you know, and it's not,
I think the other, well, I know,
but the other thing is, is that it's not,
I didn't feel that it was a romantic.
It's weird, it's just like,
he's just my type of person, like a friend.
he's he's got the criteria for a good man in my life but that's not like it's not that's not it
i'm not you know i'm not looking at him like he's the one he has the criteria of the one like in my
mind of what i would have preferred back before heart work but it's not that it's like i think
it's just more like what yeah like you said because he's away you know like what is this
like it could have just been it could just be a great friendship and i'm happy with that if
it or nothing it could just be nothing so again the question is then why why are you i don't
believe i'm not saying you're holding on but this is the question so what is the hold on because
he's not going to even make a good friend because you're in two different time zones
a friend means somebody that you can talk to you can i don't know what your level of friend when
you say this person is going to make a great friend for me how much of a friend could he be
for you and what do you consider a friend do you need friends do you have time for friends
what kind of time do you talk about making yeah so you want an associate why do you want him to
be your associate like what is the the tag what's the hold on because he could just have been a
great experience right and i do have that in my mind like it could have just been a great experience
but we and we have we just have a rapport it's just and yes he could be a really good friend i
my best friends in the uk and that's like crazy i was you know but that's a best friend no i know
i know you already have equity with so you're talking about taking on a new you're talking
about building something new no matter what the relationship is that's true yeah and that's yeah
what is romantic of friendship you're saying he impressed you so much that you want to take time
and invest in becoming his friend i love the way you put it like that but yeah i mean there
was actually a really good connection and so it's like i'm this is the thing because i'm dating it's
like i'm trying to compartmentalize it right because i'm not trying to skew it with a romantic
kind of feelings for him he actually is a really good like he's he's he's got the qualities at
least from what i'm saying is i understand it's been a very short amount of time so it's not like
i've got fairy tales in my head however like i've lived long enough to know
when you when you meet a solid person who is just someone that you just want to
you know just get to know as friends yeah yeah but he did not pursue you as a friend he didn't
ask you to be he pursued you as a romantic interest he didn't make me say hey d be my friend
yeah well i will say just since we've had our talks though we have just had a we just have a
rapport it's both ways it's a really good connection so that's what i mean and again
i don't want to hold up this call on this because it is something to unpack but that's the thing
it's not like it's just me and he's like pursuing me romantically and i'm one going i'll be a friend
or vice versa we just have a really good really it's one of those ones that i just know yeah
he's a he's a he's
i want to sound yeah yeah this is kind of so this is what it kind of boils down to
yeah you're going to ask him if he wants to be your friend platonic friend or not and then there
you go yeah and you got to save all the because you're a great person i can tell that you're solid
i asked him will you be willing to be my platonic friend period i don't see you romantically i do
not desire you romantically i would never desire you romantically make sure you say those words to
him i do not see you romantically i would never desire you romantically i do not want you
romantically i would like to be your friend because i'm in the business of collecting friends
ebony isms ebony isms oh my gosh yeah okay so be sure when you say this to him that you
you're very clear to him now he's going to think of what she's going to hold on to me for because
he needs to evaluate what can i add to her life people collect friends d because they
can add to their life so before you act he could add to your life because if you met your husband
tomorrow that man probably would not be your friend i hate you i hate you i'm just assuming
that you're not going to keep up give me one second you think i'll fit in bro
i'm so sorry
i wouldn't laugh unless sarah looked the way she looked when the person
said i was not gonna break character and sarah said
i'm sorry i can't hide my face
expressions very well i even got botox the other day and i still can't hide it
sorry whoever you are we're not laughing at you i'm actually laughing at sarah
okay so d i just want you to process this
okay okay i this this i want him as a friend he's so solid i just i just want you to iron that thing
because you say you're not in the market for friends like you're not looking for new friendships
unless you want to build a community and if that's what you're aiming for and then i understand
i actually am um in this season of life he has he has the characteristics and the qualities of the
type of people that i i mean i'm in a i've been there for a long time and i haven't yet met i
mean apart from my new my church that i've been in in since december i have been rebuilding my
life and as of last year when my daughter when i became a grandma and then you know they cleaved
to each other my daughter and son-in-law you know like what i'm saying is until and i'm starting a
new life and beginning again on my own like it's me how are you god is good um yeah exactly so
i thought you were like i thought you were like late 20s oh bless your heart oh my gosh what no
i mean hallelujah to see you for myself no no i get it all the time but thank you that's really
not no i've got a daughter grown up like i mean i don't even say her age but yeah she's 33
okay she's happily married and i'm like what i'm saying is i am starting again brand new country
even i've been there for many years new beginnings like i'm building i am building new friends and
he's like okay okay now this makes more sense because i am okay this makes more sense okay
okay well think about those things think about if you really do want to be a friend with somebody
around the country even though you want to be a community where you are and by the way my business
is in california where he is so it's not like okay um my family were in my daughter was in the west
but okay the point is it's not like i'm not and he's coming back but it's not like we're
we're building something in the future it's just the way it is that's what i didn't imagine to make
such a bond with someone who is a my type of person you know like just the person who's a
great person that's why i'm saying even if he's not for me i would recommend him to someone because
he's a top bloke okay it all makes a little more sense now it makes sense okay okay yeah
okay well think about some things and follow up with me okay you guys you're welcome me and
d totally broke the rules that was like eight minutes we i won't break them with
anybody else you guys thank you so much appreciate it crystal
and hey to the person that's your first time here tonight go ahead crystal i was trying to unmute and
d your your love life kind of reads like a movie
yeah it's pretty exciting okay so for me ebony i feel like i need trauma counseling
um you know the the i just got back on the dating app and none of the christian dating apps i mean
like i told you that one that you know you're supposed to wave if you like them i feel like
i'm waving in a parade not getting any responses um the other christian app zero responses so i
went on to uh match.com um i don't know i almost want to coach some of these guys and say you look
like a serial killer i mean like smile uh shave um gosh did you just pull the dirtiest shirt out
and take a picture with yourself you know and then you and then you send a message to me
and it's like i i'm like look at it and i've gotten i don't know if you saw the post i took
it down but so one guy he says uh he was a black guy and he says i like to date white women
i was like okay uh funny uh financial but i was like so why don't you want to date black women
and he's like oh just a preference blah blah blah i prayed about it over the weekend i was like
something in my spirit just went no so cinema you said practice ending well so i said hey um
thanks for reaching out uh but i don't think we're a connection wish the best to you he responds back
and says i didn't send an email to you because i thought you were attractive i sent it to you
you were unattractive and i found unattractive women to be pushovers yeah so tell me about
That was his response.
So I texted him back and I said, well, you're wrong on two points.
I'm attractive and I'm not a pushover and I blocked him.
Then the next one I get is a 53 year old guy.
I'm 61.
He says, I may be a little old for you.
I mean a little young for you, but I'd like to chat.
Now mind you where I live.
I'm sitting there thinking so far all these guys.
I don't, I don't even want to go out with it.
I mean just the appearance on the picture is unappealing and some of the
things they write.
It's just blah.
So this guy's looked cute and normal and some things he said on there.
So I just said hi back then he responds back and he says, I really like
your folding shot.
I am holding.
I'm in a sweater holding a child that I've darkened out, but I mean it just
would you walk up to somebody and say, you know, your introduction is wow.
I really like the way your body looks.
So I'm not for me.
This is like been so gross and and I don't need it like so help me Ebony.
Online dating comes with its share of that if I know some ladies have their
hands up, but if you can give a thumbs up that you had these same experiences,
it will be really helpful to do that right now.
My thumb is going to be up.
Yeah, you can send avatar thumbs up.
Yeah, you see it's a thumbs up party.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And it ebbs and flows if it's an interesting thing.
I know me saying this may not help you feel any like take away the sting of
online dating, but that's just kind of how it goes.
I've had people that talk to me and I'll be like what did you think I took it
personal like it was something about me, but they you know, and so I speak on
behalf of the crew that the board of online dating, but what do you do?
I haven't had anybody respond that literally I would say, you know, I'd be
interested even, you know, a communication only.
I mean just it's like, you know, and I'll I'll respond back kind of very, you
know, just plain not hey.
Yeah.
Thanks for the response or tell me how your day or something and I'll get back
to you.
Yeah, I'm like what?
Yeah, and then you know, so it's like, yeah, and so how long have you been doing
this?
How long have I been in trauma for a week?
How long have you been doing the dating apps for about a month?
No, not this has only been like the second week, but I've done them before.
Yeah, it's not like this is a new new.
It was the same thing before and the other big thing is, you know, I have on
there really big and bold.
I am a believer and lover of Jesus Christ.
The men don't read let it go.
They don't read they like cheering.
They don't know they're reading is fundamental.
They ain't gonna read they say some stuff to me and I said, I know what they
didn't read it.
They just look at women see somebody like impressed like they don't read nothing
crystal.
So what can I do maybe to get like a quality?
I guess I'm thinking that's the question for all of us on here.
We all want a quality man.
I have met quality men on dating sites.
I will tell you that and this is not let me let me and Facebook.
I can't for some reason.
I tried to do Facebook dating.
It sends me in a loop.
Yeah, give it some more time.
You can come out for a while.
If you're tired of it, if you're traumatized by it, I will come off of it.
I've come out for it sometimes for two or three weeks at a time.
I've come out for a month at a time.
I want you to know that this doesn't stop your momentum for what heaven is
doing.
Sometimes we feel like this and we feel like if I'm not on the data app, if I'm
not actively doing something then I'm not actively partnering with heaven and
I'm getting further and further away from meeting the person because I'm not
doing anything to meet a person and that's not true.
You're in preparation mode.
You can take a break from a dating site.
You can meet someone organically in the grocery store.
If you would like to at the YMCA, all those things are real options.
Do we usually do that?
No, but there are options, you know.
Um, you can seek out local things in your area if you're in a very dry area
Sometimes people are in small towns and ain't nothing going on and I totally get that
But there are other options to get involved and meet people
Um, but I do want you crystal to feel like you can take a break from dating apps
they really do ebb and flow and
They they they're not like the vehicle of all vehicles. I agree with you that sometimes they just suck
Sometimes I get on there and like I've been 20 30 me like me and they all suck
And I'm just like it's no criticism to them
But it's just kind of like you got to be kidding me
Is there a man in town like how all of y'all are like this?
But it does pay well to take a break. Sometimes. I think we underestimate and I'm gonna say this
How much deconstruction the Lord is doing in us when we sign up and say I want I want heaven's best for my life
And we don't take into the account how he's using every single thing to strip us
grow us and to prepare us and
sometimes we feel like that momentum like, you know, we we we get pumped up because we're receiving the promises of God as you should
Be and you're excited and it's like let's go get it. Let's go get it a month. Go by let's go get it
Two weeks go by sometimes we fall out we get discouraged
You know and it's just like hey, I'm gonna tell y'all there's not a timeline
I know you're holding fast to a love story you heard and we just met and
You don't know what that
Marriage is like you don't know anything about those people
You don't know the preparedness and the readiness of their heart before they got to that place and you don't know how many more miles
In seas and oceans they have to cross to have peace in their marriage because all you know is they got married
But there is a there is a process when you partner with heaven for your marriage
it's a process and there's a faith journey and it it is
Rewarding and challenging and I just want to say that you don't lose momentum when you're walking with God
Amen
Want to share one positive to just real?
Tonight did drive through prayer and had a girl place her faith in Christ. So it was
Yeah, so I just feel like Jesus gave me a big fat kiss, you know
Like, you know that guy because I actually said I forgive that guy did the forgiveness prayer over and blessed him said Lord
Heal his wounds. Whatever's going on with him and
And then that happened tonight, so that was really exciting
Yeah, there was really see and he just said that cuz he felt really salty and yeah
How you responded to
Thank you, thank you. Yeah, hold on Chris this coming something's gonna happen
Amen. Amen. I like your attitude
man, and
Go to Home Depot. They say in lows. Yeah, I did have some today. I had a
This man who does healing prayer
He prayed for me and he's I told I share with him then I was wanting a spirit-made spouse and he said Crystal
I want you to write down
It's one of our exercises because I want you to write down everything you want in a mate and then I want you to put it
Up before the Lord and say Lord. Here's my list. What do you want?
And he said then I want you to fold that letter and put it in the Bible at first Corinthians
13 and he goes trust me on this
It's like okay. I will
That's fine. That's exciting. Let us know how it goes. Thank you. Ebony. You're welcome
Alexandria
Yeah, hi Ebony. Thanks for your help online this week, too. I wrote something about oh, okay. Yeah
anyway, that guy's over with I'm over it, but
So I have been talking to this other guy for like about a week before I forget like my main questions
Oh, it's like what does spirit mate really mean?
I don't know if Jackie's ever really like when I think about that. I'm like, what does that mean? Like I got you
so anyway, um
What else is I gonna say about that so
Anyway, it's been going really well. He's very intentional like spiritually. We actually it seemed to align a lot
Our conversations go. Well, I just don't have this like initial like like that chemistry
So that's why I'm trying to keep pushing on like our conversation it goes and it's it's good
But I'm not like, you know hanging on to see what he's gonna say like so intrigued or anything
But I enjoy talking to him and he really cares and he's he's definitely pursuing me
Like I feel like in a really beautiful way and I'm like, that's cool to see an experience. So I'm grateful for that
He's gonna come this weekend to like actually see in person which will be fun
And he's a couple hours away, so that shows intentionality.
So I guess, yeah, it's exciting.
Thanks, Karen.
He did make a joke.
I asked him to do a Zoom.
And he was like, so how did my interview go afterwards?
I thought that was funny.
I was like, yeah, I know.
I was like, I feel that too.
My second question is, I guess, I'm normally a very open book.
I'm really trying to hold back in this process as far as like,
I usually lay it all out there.
And then I feel uncomfortable afterwards.
And then I find out things I don't want to know.
So I'm really, I love that advice of staying positive,
trying to wait to talk about deeper things.
And I think that you talk deeper in the dating phase,
like when it's more like we're just dating each other.
So you kind of share deeper.
But how do you communicate these things
that we're doing to your person?
Like, I feel so awkward.
And I end up just telling him I'm in this program.
And then, because I'm like, I don't know how else to explain.
I don't know.
So I guess that's my second question.
Yeah.
So spear mate, good job with letting the other guy go.
A spear mate is just someone that lines up
with your spiritual DNA, right?
And that you're meeting on a level that
would allow you to do kingdom work and godly work
in the Earth.
And so they're just not meeting one side of you.
Your physical side, but the spiritual side
of you, which is really your dominion mandate,
the greatest part of you.
They meet that part of you.
So then you call it a spirit mate versus just a soul mate
that someone meets you on the physical level of who you are,
right?
Or those physical attributes and things.
But this is a person that you believe
that God has ordained for you for your life
and that you get to partner with.
One slays 1,000, two slays tens of thousands,
that you fulfill kingdom mandate in the Earth together, right?
The ultimate vision that heaven has for your life.
And then for number two is, well,
one thing I like to encourage.
Sometimes we feel like I just share a lot
or that's just who I am.
But really, it's not wisdom.
That's not wisdom.
The Bible says that you don't spill your pearl before swine
because they may trample over it.
That means you don't take your wisdom
and pour it out in front of someone who has not even
gained any equity with you that they could cherish what
you would share with them.
And so you put your wisdom and all
of those deep personal things, and you
share that with community who honor you and value you,
who know who you are, and they will
value what you share with them, versus pouring that out
on someone who doesn't even know you, who will not value it.
And then when they don't value it,
you blame them or you're hurt because you gave so much.
But that's not wisdom.
We don't pour out wisdom in places
that have not built equity with us and know who we are.
Yeah.
And so you use that as a guardrail to tell yourself,
because it's easy to believe that I'm just deep
or I just do this, but that's not healthy.
Mm-hmm.
And so I always remind myself, would I give this?
Would I give this precious thing about me
to a complete stranger?
Would I walk up in the grocery store
and just hand it over to them?
You shouldn't do that if you knew a person for a week,
two weeks, three weeks, four weeks, a month,
because they shouldn't have that type of seat at the table
with you at this time.
Yeah.
Right?
And so that's one way to dial back on that.
Just remember that that's not operating in wisdom.
I feel like I'm doing OK at it.
I just didn't know, when they ask deeper questions,
what do you say?
I just kind of am saying, oh, well,
we can talk about it when we get to know each other more.
That's exactly what you say.
OK.
Say, hey, I feel more comfortable sharing that
with you once we get to know each other,
get a little more equity.
OK.
But hey, great question.
Right?
And then the other thing you asked me was,
I don't, I've always had coaches, counsel, community.
I've never felt the need to share with somebody
what I do with my personal life.
Yeah, I don't know why I feel like I have to.
I know.
But so I'm going to release you from the idea
that you have to tell somebody you have a dating coach
or that you're in a coaching program.
I literally, I don't even tell men
that I date that I get to be a relationship coach or a dating
coach.
For one, I don't want the thoughts
that they're going to have that comes along with that.
And it's none of their business.
Yeah.
That's just because it could be so, you know,
people could think, oh, they know all the tricks
or they know this or, oh, this, this, this.
I don't know.
I don't share that.
Like, I have to really walk with a person for a while.
before they get that type of information. So I just want you to know that you are in a program,
it's your personal business and you don't have to share that. But I've noticed a lot of women
sometimes feel pressure to share that, but you really don't. Whatever wisdom you have is the
wisdom that you carry. You pay for this wisdom. The Bible says, what do we do with money? In the
book of Proverbs, it said, we exchange it for wisdom. And that's what you're doing with your
money. You're exchanging it for wisdom because that's how you get it. You learn it from somewhere.
You sit under something, you read a book, you take what you learn and you apply it to your
life and you show up. Oh, good. Thank you. Very last quick thing. He's not a citizen and that
brings up some fears in me. And so I guess just if you had any, I'm trying to just take it slow
and trust my instincts with how I feel. I've had some bad experiences in the past of just hearing
that men were intentionally trying to be with people for citizenship. I went to Africa for a
little bit. Anyway, so I don't want to assume that about him, but it did make my guard go up
and just to be like, okay, like, how do I know? And like, that's kind of scary. But yeah, I don't
know if you have thoughts on that yet. I would have the same. I would think the same way. I will
the same way. And I'll probably just have a coffee date. And I wouldn't know how to measure
that out because if it's targeting, that's not my preference. Yeah, right. I don't like that.
I don't like the situation. I don't like it. I don't know how to deal with it. But, you know,
I'm saying personally, like, that's a bit uncomfortable because I can say to you,
are you sure you're not dating me just for citizenship? What if he is? It's not like
all of a sudden you're going to become honest with you and say, yeah, Alexandra, that's the
only reason I'm dating you. Let's go eat pizza. No one's going to admit it. Right. So I think
that you can also tell some things about if a person rushes you or if they're trying to push
a certain agenda. So you definitely can get, I thank God for that wisdom that just kicked in
my mind. Thank you, Lord. You definitely, as you're getting to know him, you could tell some
red flags or is he a secure attachment, like some things that you go along, you should be able to
send something. And when it feels a little wonky, you don't have to be a detective. But if things
start feeling some type of way, you're God defended. The Lord will show it to you. Yeah.
Thank you. I agree. That's helpful. I appreciate that. Yeah. So have fun getting to know him.
Yeah. There's like so many other green flags that have been going. So I'm just trying to take it
as just enjoying the process. So, yeah, that'd be fun. Where does he live and where do you live?
He's in Dallas. So he's two hours away. That's the other thing which I can post on the group. Maybe
another time I eventually want to live in California. He really loves Dallas. But like
some kind of having trouble navigating that. I don't necessarily I'm not matching with anyone
in California being in Texas. So that's why I was like maybe in this third phase when we meet
people in the whole community, there will be some California people or maybe I think D and I are
different ages. But she had that person in California. But I'm like, how would I how would
I meet? How would I meet someone in California? Anyway, so I'm trying to give him an opportunity,
but I really don't want to live long term in Dallas. And are you moving to California?
Hopefully, like in a in a year would be the goal. But if I really met like this person,
I'm also like if I met my husband, like I would sacrifice a couple of years
and then hopefully end up in California eventually.
Where do you live in Austin? East Texas. It's Tyler.
Tyler. Yeah, I wouldn't be worried about that right now. And I probably wouldn't
concern myself with meeting somebody in California. Okay. Okay. Yeah, that uh,
live where you are, where you are right now. Okay. Yeah. I'm like, I don't know what to do.
Thank you. That's helpful. You're welcome.
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. You're welcome. Cool. Susan.
Hello. Hey, there you go. Hi. Okay. So it's my second week on here. I'm trying to like learn
like you said something about dating for discovery and dating for fun. So that just
means like, I feel bad because it's like I'm not interested in someone are you kind of like,
the guy is cute, but any sweet, but I'm like already can tell I'm not interested in him.
So do I still go on a date with him just to learn about myself?
Why are you not interested? Um, he's a firefighter. And I feel like I
I probably make like 20 times what he makes a year.
Okay. Right.
So that's why I was dating for discovery.
He's not your husband.
Yeah.
He's a date.
Okay.
So it's fine to just go,
but what are you trying to discover?
Like a-
You, you're trying to discover how you show up.
Okay.
You're trying to discover how you set boundaries.
Okay.
How you look at a person and get to know them
and actually find out what they carry that's valuable.
So when you say this, don't take this as critical.
These are some things you discover in dating.
And you say, well, he's a firefighter.
I probably make 20 times him.
He's not a, he's not an option for me.
But you meet him and he is righteous
and he's integrity,
integrity and he has character and he's solid
and he's masculine, he's mature and he's marriage minded.
And then you look and you say,
do I want income over a man who is righteous,
integrous, business minded?
You don't know if he's an entrepreneur.
You don't know what type of things he have in his streamline.
And so you X out a person and you don't even know them.
And so dating for discovery gives an opportunity
to get to know people.
And so let's say he's still not your guy.
It doesn't matter whether he made the money or not, right?
You got to date with him,
but you did learn when you got to know him.
Oh, I probably better consider some other things
when I'm wanting to choose.
So like, this is some of the things you learn
alone in the process.
Does it mean you still give somebody a goal
if they don't something, something, something?
I don't know.
Like they can all be sorted out,
but you start learning things about yourself from day one.
If you X out like, no, don't meet, don't meet, don't meet.
Unless he's not mature marriage minded and masculine.
That makes sense.
Okay.
And so.
Yeah.
And it makes it even more low stakes, right?
Because it's low stakes.
You've already decided that you don't want to pursue him.
You already said he may be attractive,
but he's not attractive enough to draw you in
because you've already made some decisions.
He makes an even better date.
Because your representative won't show up
because you think you got something on the line.
Susan is going to show up just as she is.
And that's who you want to show up.
Okay.
Because he's not a threat to you in a sense, right?
Right.
You're not trying to impress him.
Yeah.
Okay.
So that makes it better.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm just trying to.
Yeah, I think that would be good.
I'm just trying to figure out who to pick and choose
like to go on dates with.
Cause there's like, oh, there's like a lot of matches.
And then it's like, ah, you're trying to like weed them out.
But then like you're weeding them out based on like,
I'm looking for a husband.
So then I'm like.
Yeah.
So stop looking for a husband.
Okay.
Dating for Discovery is about discovering you.
We believe that God is writing your love story.
And right now he's creating capacity in you.
He's deconstructing.
He's making sure that those things in you
that don't serve a kingdom marriage well,
kind of get eliminated before you go into it.
And so he's creating in you compassion,
empathy, grace, forgiveness,
the ability to measure things well,
the ability to become self-aware of you
and to give grace and space for other people
to be who they are,
to be willing to show up and be vulnerable as yourself.
And so all of this, that's what this dating is for.
And like a lot of times we like, but I'm dating,
I need, I'm not wasting time,
but this is investing time in you
so that you can expand who you are
because God is writing your love story.
And so that's why Jackie gives this like,
I feels like an impossible number, like seven,
go on many dates as you can,
learn things about yourself,
do as much as you can,
do low stakes dating, go on coffee date,
learn how you set your boundaries,
learn how when this man really likes you,
but you don't really like him
and you're able to say, hey, I think that you're great,
but I don't wanna go any further.
It's really hard when someone pursues you
and really likes you and you have to let them go, right?
For some women that's hard
because women don't like to say no,
they wanna be kind, I don't wanna hurt him.
You're not gonna hurt a person
by telling them you don't want them,
they gonna be glad you walked away
if you don't desire them.
And so you get to just like expand in so many ways.
And that's why we want you guys to focus
on dating for discovery,
getting to know you and having fun
and not allow thought processes like,
well, I feel like I'm playing with somebody.
Every person you date is not gonna be your spouse,
that's why it's called dating, right?
Right?
So that, and so you just kinda,
does that make more sense
of what you're supposed to be doing?
Oh, and I think you should date,
if a guy's solid, go out to coffee with him.
Okay.
You know, if he's solid, if you don't wanna,
you know you're not interested,
I mean, there's nothing wrong with going out to dinner.
Men know, men are not women.
Men know the cost of dating and that's what, you know, men know, that's how it works for
men.
Okay.
That makes sense.
Do you feel comfortable with that?
Yeah.
That makes sense.
Um, can I ask you two more quick questions?
Yeah.
Okay.
So, um, I went to a thing through, so I'm doing online dating for the first time, just
like been on like a month.
I feel like I haven't had that much dating experience either.
And so, um, I went to a thing at church actually, like a thirties group and I started just talking
to this guy right away.
Like he struck up a conversation with me and we really vibed, he was really cool.
I feel like he liked me cause he talked to me the entire night.
It was a long, like a long time.
And, um, so I was, yeah, it was like, nice, pretty cute.
And I was impressed with how, like you praise and toes and just all kinds of stuff.
Like he really seems like he hears from the Lord and just stuff like that.
And I'm really, you know, serious about that.
So then, um, the end of the night he was still lingering and then he's like, Oh, I want to
send you that real estate thing.
Give me your, like, Oh, what's your number?
You know, blah, blah, blah.
We walk outside and there's like two other girls and they really kind of should have
probably had him escort them to their, their car.
But he was like, you guys are good.
Right.
And he just kind of let them when I was like, okay, so we're like, we're still talking.
And, and I mean, he was just, he talked a lot and then, um, I gave him the number and
then he said something about, you know, yeah, we'll stay in touch or I don't remember
exactly, but I just felt like he liked me.
So then I forgot to like acknowledge his text, you know?
So it was like the weekend pass.
It was like two days, three days past.
And I was like, that's weird.
I never heard from him.
So I text him and like, Oh, I'm so sorry.
I forgot to acknowledge that.
Yes, this is my number.
I received your text.
Thank you for sending me the real estate thing.
Then he told me that he showed up at my church on Sunday because I told him to go to
my church.
I ended up not making it, but anyway, I don't know.
It's kind of different because on the dating apps, there's like the attention that I'm
like looking to date, but with this, it was just like a church thing.
It wasn't a church dating thing.
It was just a church thing.
So I'm like, not sure if I should say anything or how to like go about it, I guess.
But I also feel like, well, why aren't you saying anything?
Why aren't you initiating anything?
So then I'm like, I don't know.
So then I think I, and then I think I messaged him.
We messaged back and forth and his texts were very nice and very thoughtful like
responses, but it was like pretty simple.
Then I think I text him again because there's a pastor he listens to and my friend
loves him and she was talking about him.
So I messaged him and ask him, is this the same person?
He's like, yeah.
But then I said, oh, are you going to come to church on Sunday?
You know, if you, if you come again, like make sure you say hi or let me know.
And he's like, oh yeah, I'm not going to go.
Okay.
So.
I feel like I reached out twice.
Like, I feel like I'm done.
Yeah, you did good.
All right.
He has access to you.
And so if he wants to say something, he can.
And he might've been a little discouraged showing up at the church.
You never know his thoughts, but he has access to you.
You've made yourself friendly.
You've shown yourself to be friendly.
And so this on him.
Okay.
I feel like I usually dismiss people super quick and I'm like, well, if you're
interested, you'll let me know.
But then like listening to the program and stuff, I feel like I'm learning that I
should be a little bit more, I don't know, like friendly or flexible.
So I'm trying to figure out the balance.
Yeah.
And that's the fun of dating for discovery.
Cause you're trying to figure out the balance of what do I do?
What do I let them do?
And how do I not go overboard?
Right.
And that's why this low stakes is so fun.
Okay.
And then like last week I asked you about this police officer and we had our first
date and it was really good.
And, um, I like, he was texting me almost every day, like a morning.
How are you feeling?
How was your day?
It just.
That's it.
Then the next day, same thing, but it was good, you know, checking in or whatever.
And then, um, he had, I'm thinking like, are you going to ask me on another one
on the first date you mentioned it, but you're not getting to the point.
And then, um, finally last week, I think he had messaged me or I messaged him and
I said, oh, I'd like to see you again.
And he was like, oh, me too.
What what's good for you Thursday.
And I'm like, yeah, okay.
I'll set it up.
I mean, he was like on it after I said, I'd like to see you again.
And then, so we set up for Thursday and then he texts me Thursday morning and he
had to cancel because he got called into work and I said, oh, bummer, but I
And then he said, thank you for understanding.
And then I parted it and then I haven't heard anything, which is weird.
Cause it's been like four days, I think.
Um, so now I'm like, I don't think I need to text him again.
To say like he should obviously know to reach back out if you want to reschedule, right?
Right. Yeah. No, I'll just leave it. Okay. Yeah, just leave that be um, he yeah, no that's on him. Okay
I just want to make sure that's what I thought
Yeah, because he came at the gate strong then he slowed up
Maybe he don't really have time for this in his life right now. That's why you got to let him lead in there
Okay, good
perfect
Okay, thanks exciting, you're welcome. Thank you. Laurie
Hi, ebony. Hey, I miss you
You're on mute lorry
Oh miss you too
Yeah, i've been on the i've been on the one o'clock
So I did share today so up to you if I update you here, but there's new information since
Since the um my call the call this afternoon so I could process that with you but
i'll go uh
How about you? Let me go to I have to go to the one o'clock call too
So me and carla we share notes, but i'm gonna go to the one o'clock recording anyway
And then i'll if you if y'all share if you shared it there i'll listen to it on the one o'clock
Yeah
I
I think that'll be best. Do you feel some type of way about me doing it that way?
Oh, no, that's totally fine. You just said you wanted to you wanted an update. So yeah, I didn't know you on we didn't I didn't
Um speak with carla, but I didn't know that you updated at one o'clock and I was already supposed to go on the one o'clock call
Okay, some other uh ladies
That I needed to hear where they were. So yeah
okay, i'm just continuing to have opportunities with
um
Leaning into the lord with I had two video dates this weekend and one i'm real i'm quite interested in okay
and went better than
expected I was really nervous because he's really high profile and
um
And so yeah, it was just he was such a war and and kind of had more like
Felt like we were
Just kind of flinging information over the fence. Like it didn't feel like any real like
um
Not not that i'm looking for deep but any like connecting sort of yeah
um, so anyway
yeah, he was so warm and so
just such a kind person and easy to talk to and
We talked for like 40 minutes video chat. He lives in minnesota
but he does have
kids from like age 8 until 18
and mine are
26 and 29 and carla was thinking well just you know dating for discovery again, but i'm like well, that's
That's a that's a whole different season of life
That's true
It is
You never know
Yeah, yeah just get to know I mean, you know, so
So anyway, he said he would like he want he would like to get to know me
um
Which is great, but I still had my anxious attachment thing
Going on a little bit. Um sent a message
He messaged right after we got off off the call, which was great
and then um
The thing that I didn't share with carla because he just messaged was like after like
The next day like I sent a voice message and then I just heard back like while we're on this call
So i've had a had an opportunity to really
Release it connect with the lord
Um had a great encounter with the lord
which I honestly still have to decode because there were so many things in it that i'm not quite sure what it means but
I guess now like and at the end of it. I said I would love to read, you know
Enjoyed connecting with you would love to connect again. It was just very light-hearted. Hey, this is what i'm up to today
okay
and
uh kind of responding to what he had messaged but
You know, then it's like oh my word. Lori. It's only been 24 hours like back it off girl like
Like
Why why why so many emotions in a 24 hour period?
so that's you know, that's that's something that's been really good for me to like just
Have the space and and back up
Yeah, and what I did that was new was I didn't end things yesterday
I didn't I had so much coming up in me that wanted to say. Hey, it was
Great to meet you. I wish you well
And I
thought, what would be a new thing that I haven't done before?
And I'd be like, just let it go.
And he messaged back today and like, just said what he's been up to and, um,
responded to everything that I mentioned in my voice message and, um, said what
he was up to and, but he didn't say I'd like to connect again, but he did say
he wanted to get to know me, so maybe he thinks that's obvious, but, and he's
heading to Arizona with his son Thursday, he's interviewing, he's like in the
fourth interview for a new role.
So, um, he's, he's really busy.
That's the other thing I'm not sure about.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
There's a lot.
I mean, yeah.
Yeah.
Like he, he led Asia for his company.
Yeah.
So you're sensing that he probably doesn't have time for a relationship.
You think that's possible is what you're saying?
It's possible.
I mean, I think he is really high capacity, but I'm thinking, I mean, that
is so opposite of me.
Like, well, stop thinking.
Yeah.
All right.
Just stop thinking.
And just because you sense anxiousness, you're bent toward anxious attachment.
It doesn't mean that you're being set back.
It doesn't mean that you're attaching anxiously again.
It means that when it rises up, you realize that you were, you
are bent in that direction.
But it doesn't mean you can't pull yourself in another direction.
It doesn't mean you can't say, Hey, Laurie, you're leaning that way.
And you can say, Oh, I'm going to lean in another direction.
It's natural for you to lean that way.
But sometimes we see ourselves doing what is natural to us.
There's something wrong with us.
I need more hard work.
I need more of this.
No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah.
You are naturally bent that way.
So then you just bend yourself the other way.
Yeah.
And I thought, Oh gosh, if I wanted to be excited about something,
what could I be excited about instead of scared about it?
But so he didn't mention anything about that's good lean the other way.
And then just also, you know, refocus my own life and what I'm developing in
myself and community and developing and just continue to build that and enjoy
that.
And, um, but I think, you know, like, so I'll wait a good day to respond back.
And, um, I don't think I'll mention anything about getting together
because I already put it out there.
He knows.
Yeah.
And, um, yeah, you'll see.
Okay.
And continue just like stewarding this.
I'm not going to say, Hey, I want to get together.
It's like the gal that just spoke, she's like, they know.
Yeah.
And if he wants to get with you, he knows you've given the invitation.
So it's not like it's not there.
Yeah.
And I figure, I figure, I think somebody like him probably needs to sense
freedom.
You know, that to sense that he's got the space he needs to,
I don't know.
I don't know him.
You don't know him.
Don't make thoughts about who he is because he's this or he's high profile.
Listen, he could be high profile with a, with a, a really traumatic,
toxic patterns about himself.
You don't know him.
Yeah.
You don't, you really don't.
Yeah.
Greatest thing you can remind yourself about a person that you don't know
is that you don't know him.
Yeah.
Yeah. Because I decided to go like, Oh, he's avoidant.
And I'm like, I don't know that.
You don't know that we, we women, we are, we have this,
especially when you're on this faith journey.
You just try to map stuff out.
You try to feel safe.
You try to hammer down.
You talk about how much they love God.
You know, you didn't say this, but you don't even know what they look out.
You know, they said they love God.
You don't know.
We don't know.
But we're like, yeah, he loves God.
He's out of the door.
And I think he's like this.
And I think like that.
And the truth is, you just really don't know.
And it, how we can, you have to constantly remind yourself that you do not know them.
Yeah.
That I don't.
And they don't know you, you know, you, and you think, because you know, you,
they know you because you're like, well, I'm being me.
They don't know you.
So I'm going to check out your 1 PM.
And yeah.
all right I'm trying I'm trying to have three people but I don't at the moment
so it's okay this just honestly I've taken I took most of September off yeah
but it does my heart a lot of good to ebb and flow and to just turn it off
yeah and take a break yeah that's true yeah it does okay thank you you're
welcome Ashley hey so I was gonna get on and talk about
something completely different but my sister brought my son home tonight and
she'd written me a letter and if you remember I'd asked about sharing this
program with them and you and I kind of mentioned well my mom's fear and then
my sister and I like we all three talk pretty often you're just like just not
yet yeah and it's just um they just don't get it they just don't get it
like she um she says you know she sees um passion about healing she thinks I'm
confused that I don't know what the next right step is and I'm looking out
really to find the next right step and that I'm you know that my past trauma is
you know hindering me and that it's the template that I'm living by and then I'm
she thinks I'm like desperately reaching at straws to find the answer and then
they're upset that I'm not going to counseling and I'm like no because they
suck like and then apparently she's had concerns about the church that I go to
now and I know for a fact that like God was where I was I was leading a team at
the church that my sister goes to I had followed her there and and God was like
hey it's time to go and he lined the whole thing up like it was such a God
story my move to my new church and it's been so good for me it's been so healing
like knowing like learning how much he loves me how much he sees me and like
having actual encounters with him and visions like a whole new world with God
like and just really transforming my mind and she's like they're isolating
you and they're they're manipulating you and make sure that they're not false
prophets and I'm like I'm like how can you even say that like I just did I did
so through the church but not like under that church is covering he's actually
covers that church through a different I did a transformational mind renewal
class I was working on that and then I did this leadership class like and it's
not like she thinks I'm just like not healing like my soul things I don't like
I have to know the spirit I have to know the spirit that lives in me so that I
can even work on healing those other things like and I know they're just
scared but I'm like what what do you think I'm doing just because I'm not
going to an actual counselor that you think I need to go to that I'm not
healing like and then like I've been going to to Fountain Square they do
dancing on the second and fourth Fridays of every month and and it's a way that
my daughter actually I've been going there for almost as long as it's been
open like on and off for like 30 years mostly off because I wasn't living in
town and my daughter wanted to go so we've been going and I go without her
because it's nice to like not take teenagers and go dance as well and like
my mom said the other day like I'm obsessed with it I'm like no I'm having
fun I'm doing something I enjoy doing like you want me to like be a human but
I need to do everything for my kids but like I need to like do counseling I'm
like and now you think like my church is isolating me I'm like so yeah and I'm
like of course I'm not telling you things like why would I be telling you
things like I'm not telling you about this class because I got I don't think I
any of the heart work to them at all maybe a little bit but I'm like well
sure as heck I'm not mentioning that when I was gonna talk about was
confessing that I'm probably jumping
gun a little bit and did some trauma wrong trauma stuff and spent last weekend with not like in a
bad way but like things that are not following like safe protocol that you guys suggest because
i don't um like last weekend was a guy i just had so much fun like i know like it was like
i recognize that like now i'm like okay i was seeing things that i didn't
right i didn't know that i was seeing right so it's been this whole process like
okay though even though i had my walls way up yeah i was still seeing red flags maybe a familiar
spirit as well and then i was like oh like it could be yellow flags but i have no idea because
i don't actually know and i don't know how to recognize those and and through more conversations
like while we were dancing some of them dancing and then our conversations over the weekend i'm
those probably were red flags but i was still safe and i'm still god protected and god defended even
though i maybe made some stupid things we had so much fun i stayed out till 4 30 in the morning
i've like i've never done that before in my life but we we want you know i i'm i'm in referral but
i'm a real estate agent i've always loved houses we've talked about like he's working on his house
i know it's probably a stupid idea but i was like fine and so he he stayed outside and i
went and saw his house and we came back out we walked his yard because he's five acres
we sat we put it we walked the cemetery across the street we sat outside and just sat under
the stars we put a fire pit together had a fire and we just and turned on music and dance because
we met dancing and we just had a really great time and i'm like but i can't tell him any of that
because they're just gonna see all the red flags and freak out and panic again then i'm gonna
you know marry my ex again and i'm like what but you're missing that i'm learning and like that
i'm in a community that's helping me like all of the communities have been and have been helping
me and learning helping me learn who god says i am and who i am so that i can heal those things
and a counselor doesn't do that they don't do it like it's i mean fine maybe i haven't found the
right counselor but i'm not wasting my time trying to go from counselor to counselor they don't meet
at this time of night right and i started going to the gym and i'm like so yeah i kind of confessed
as well which is my other thing i was gonna do sorry guys well you know i think that this is
gonna be a time for you to really be able to take back your autonomy and it sounds like that your
family has made some decisions about your identity and who you are based on some decisions you've
made in the past based on situations you've been in i believe that probably they're well-meaning
and good and that they love you um sounds like they want to protect you sounds like uh they they
could it could be control i don't know what your family dynamics are but i know how family can be
um but the good news for you is ashley is that um in this process you'll be able to get your
autonomy back and when you get that autonomy back it makes you least likely to be preyed upon
and as long as we believe that we can't make good decisions that we can't do it you actually will
find that you won't do it but you um being in this program and walking with the lord you're
gonna find out that you can make good decisions and just because you made bad decisions in the
past all those things may be completely true they may be completely true and that's okay because we
all have some completely true things about us and decisions that we've made in the past that will
cause a lot of people be like you did what that's right i've done things in my own life that was so
stupid it's like why did you put up with that why did you allow somebody to treat you that way
why did you this and why did you that those things are absolutely true and it's absolutely
true that i sit in front of you carrying the wisdom of heaven it is absolutely true that i
sit in front of you powerful i sit in front of you from the stupid things that i made from the
things that tore me down because i didn't understand my worth and i didn't understand
my value and because of the way i was raised and from childhood trauma all type of things
but i sit in front of you a different woman who makes decisions every day and you will be the
same woman actually and even though your family can't see it it doesn't matter if they can't see
it because at some point they're not going to be the authority in your life and they're not going
to be the ones that give you identity and so you're in the process of allowing the lord to
bring identity to who you are so the thing about family is if my mom says or my dad says or my
sister said it must be right because they know me right that's a real thing you want to know why
they care so much weight in your life because if they said it must be true and they're not
Till they're not saying stuff that's not true
Right, and so they carry a certain level of authority in your life
But you're going to begin to see as you get your autonomy
That's going to wean out and they're going to say the same things to you next year and you won't feel it the same way
You won't process it the same way you will allow them to have their own opinion
And you won't work to prove yourself to them
And the the concept that you have to tell them everything about your life. It is not true
So you're carrying a guilt because you can't tell them but it's not a matter of you can't tell them
It's a matter that you choose not to share it
You have the right to choose not to share but because of the dynamics of your family
It seems like y'all have to divulge everything for everyone to know but that's not true. You're an individual
Do you understand you're an individual
You can share what you choose to share and you can hold back what you choose to hold back and you're not keeping a secret
It's not a secret
I know it's hard because of the dynamics of your family
But neither is it healthy to divulge everything to to your family?
It don't matter if they're healthy or unhealthy. That's not wisdom
That's not you being an individual you get to choose what you want to share because you're an individual
And so your individualism has been somewhere lost along the way and that's okay, too
Because I once too had lost my individualism
There are lots of us who've lost our individualism before in relationships or in
Family dynamics or even in romantic relationships. We've lost our own sense of self
And so in rediscovering self you're going to find that decisions are going to come you're going to be able to be more powerful in your
decision-making process
And so yeah, you went on the date and yes, you had so much fun
You realized that some of the things you did weren't that safe. However, you were god-defended. Would you do the same thing again?
No, I would encourage you not to do the same thing
However, you had fun. You were with someone you felt attracted
You felt like he desired you you had fun the experience has happened
And you don't have to share that with your family
But I want to tell you you don't have to carry the guilt of not sharing it with your family
There is one who sees all who knows all who saw you when you were there he's the one that protected you and kept you
You
See am I you think i'm muted am I muted y'all d says you think i'm you know, I can hear you. Okay, great
and so
I just think that it's a journey with you working through that and that's okay, too
You have this community. You don't you're you're not obligated to share with them about the community that you're part of
They're not gonna understand. It's okay if they don't understand
Ashley
If you keep subjecting yourself to everything that your family who maybe at some point you've made them an idol and they have become god
We're gonna have to get a new god in your life. It's called jesus christ
And your new god is not going to be your pastor your new god
It's not going to be your leaders your new god is not going to be this program
Your new god is not going to be my voice
It's going to be jesus and it may take you a while to get there because that's a real thing and it's okay
Somebody else has carried all the authority maybe because of your value or how you felt about yourself
The purpose of this program is to build you up
and so that's what the lord is doing before he ever gives you a husband because if he
If you got a husband in this condition, your husband will become your family. He's going to become your authority and that's how that happens
You just shift the authority from one person to the next person and then you find yourself back in bundage again
And I know I have to move on but it's important that you know that and it's important that you understand the process that you're in
And god wants to bring back autonomy to you. And so the first order of business for you is autonomy
you
nobody
This is not to say we're putting out this tells you that god is preparing you more than ever for a kingdom marriage
That he's bringing back autonomy to you
Because he is not an idea that there's going to be this perfect man that he picks for you
And this man is going to be perfect and you lack autonomy
It don't work like that
You can't lack autonomy
And be in a marriage you have to have autonomy that's attractive people have to carry their own hold their own
You're an individual and it's attractive
And so I am telling you that the sign is there that the lord is working in your favor
And he's bringing autonomy back to you
And you're gonna have to resist the lie and the false guilt that you're carrying that you owe these things to tell to your family
That for a long time was your only community because the lord is bringing
you new community. And I'm encouraging you to focus your eyes on what's true.
There are levels of truth. There are levels of facts and then there's truth. So there's
facts and then there's truth. The truth is you have new community coming all around you.
The truth is that your God is fully capable of keeping you from deceit. That the devil is not
bigger than God. That may not have been your experience in the past but I'm telling you,
you're getting a new experience in life and I want to encourage you to get excited.
I want to encourage you that when guilt comes upon you to ask to lay it at the feet of Jesus
and leave it there so he can let you know what to carry and what needs to stay left.
Right? Like say, hey I bring this to your feet Jesus. I nail it to the cross.
And I think that this is the place that you're in and I think that you should fully explore
and don't rush coming out of it because the first part of getting ourselves back is our autonomy
and understanding that we can make good decisions. We are not void of the ability to make wise
decisions. If Jesus lives in you, wisdom lives in you. If Jesus lives in you, a sound mind is in
you. It's impossible to carry Jesus and not have the fullness of everything that heaven has to offer.
And so I want to tell you that.
Thanks. You're welcome.
Okay.
All right. Ashley, does that sound good to you? Do you feel better? I need to hear back from you
that this is well with your soul. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't recognize that it was guilt.
So that was, that was good. It's false guilt. It's just not false guilt. It's not true.
Yeah. Okay. And, and post anytime you want on the page, whatever you need prayer for,
whatever's happening. I would love to, I'll be praying for you anyway,
even now that I've talked to you and I have more understanding of the dynamics of what's happening.
Thanks. You're welcome. All right. Um, Oh, we got, uh, that was it. Lauren.
Y'all know, I be thinking I had so much time and in the tick tock clock. Hey, Lauren.
Hi. Um, some just to, you know, follow up with that, that date with the guy from Columbus,
a couple hours away that ended up not happening. He, um, and we were planning to do in the day
before, um, he ended up not, um, not feeling well having some things going on. And so things
have kind of, you know, cooled, um, cool with that guy. But then there had been another guy
that I had had talked to and I had done a, um, a video call with him. And we actually, since he
it's a little bit closer, we actually did end up getting together for coffee. Um,
but there were some things when we were talking both on the video call and then at, um, where,
and just other things that I've messaged with him about, he doesn't seem like he has right now a
strong relationship with the Lord. It sounded like he was cause he had mentioned several times
before I kind of more directly asked him about it. Cause I had asked him, Oh, you know, about
his faith because I, it is important to me that if I'm in a long, long-term relationship, that's
going to lead to him towards marriage, that the guy shares my faith, but he, and he said, well,
that he, that he does believe, you know, in God and that he would like to have somebody to go to
church with. So, and from other questions that I've asked him more kind of directly about what
he's doing about weekly attending some kind of service or some kind of spiritual guidance and
being under some kind of teaching. He doesn't have any kind of, um,
church that he's going to now. It sounded like he says that he, um,
suffers from like anxiety and social situations.
And so he doesn't want to go to church by himself,
which I can understand,
but I'm kind of like, how are you going to, you know,
be a leader in our family
if you're not personally strengthening,
you know, your relationship with God
and that you're not having these,
this community of faith now until you get married?
Yeah, those are all really good points.
Yeah.
Well, I don't really know if things,
I don't really see things going,
going any further with him either.
So, but I did end up going to coffee with him
and I didn't die or have any,
nothing happened when I was on the date.
I didn't get struck down for going out
with somebody who's not my husband.
So, not that I ever actually believed that,
but that's just, you know, so yeah.
I'm so happy for you, Lauren.
Was that date number one?
Yes.
Yes!
So.
I'm so happy for you.
Thank you.
Did you enjoy it?
Yeah, it was interesting getting to know him better,
but like I said,
some of those things that kind of came out
and especially like on the video,
or yeah, that initial video call that we did,
he was kind of talking quite a bit
about like wanting to, you know,
be kind of touchy feely and like,
I mean, we, I of course wasn't going to ask him,
you know, exactly what that meant
just on the initial call,
cause I don't really know him and things,
but cause I was clear that, you know,
I want, that we need to,
that I am going to save all of my, you know,
a lot of the physical side of relationships
until I am getting married and things,
especially obviously sex,
but a lot of other things too,
I don't believe is necessarily appropriate
to be doing until you're at least more serious,
if not, you know, engaged, married.
Right.
So he kind of was, you know,
talking quite a bit about that.
And so I, again, I wasn't sure if there were,
we seemed like too different for things
to really have good,
good progress and things.
So I don't really know if things are gonna.
Well, yeah, if you guys don't see eye to eye
on those things that are foundational,
then no, it's not, but you gotta get rid of it.
Yes, I did get a date.
That's what matters.
Thank you.
I hope you feel all dainty too.
All right.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I think, good night, Jodi.
Did Tommy, Tommy, did you leave?
Did you still want to?
I'm still here.
Hey.
I think my question was answered.
Basically, I've been in phase two for a few weeks.
I was on Hinge and I went to a speed dating event,
I think last week or the week before
with one of those like newer companies that make it more,
it makes it a little bit more like fun and innovative,
but I'm feeling tired.
It is tiresome.
It's tiring and I haven't really been on any dates
except for the speed dating event.
And I think I'm just feeling a little stuck on the apps.
It just, it feels like a wasteland sometimes.
And I'm not really sure if I just need a break
or if I should keep pressing on.
Yeah, I don't know.
You could take a break
and then you could try meeting people in person,
get involved in some stuff in your city,
see what's going on, meet some people in person,
take a wing woman with you, go out,
let her approach the guys for you.
You approach guys for her, whoever you got,
a cousin, get your wing woman.
You sound really young and go out on the town.
I'm not though, I'm 40.
Oh, that's young.
If you're not young, then I'm not young and I'm 42.
I got a wing woman, my brother-in-law is my wing man, he walks up to people for me all
the time.
He'll get you a wing woman and hit the town.
Get a refresher, get over your sting, your possible thoughts of rejection, have a little
fun.
But dating apps aren't the only way we can meet people, but sometimes we have our reasons
for wanting to hang out with dating apps and I understand those as well.
I think that you could take a little break, you're just two weeks in and there is no hurry,
no matter what it feels like, you're not in a hurry.
I'm telling you, December this year don't have to look like December next year.
When the Lord is writing your love story, you can have fun and focus on things that
bring you capacity and growth and enjoy your time.
Because when you say, I do, unless you get a divorce, it's going to be to death do you
part and all these days will be long behind you.
So have fun while you're in it.
All right, thank you.
You're welcome.
I hope that helped.
I just need like a little bit of encouragement.
So that was helpful.
Thank you.
Better push you over the...
Okay.
Charm...
Chammy?
Chammy song?
Hi, sorry, I'm here.
Are you okay?
How's it going?
I'm trying to do the video.
Okay, so basically, I signed up for like an online dating app and been trying to do, you
know, follow the rules.
So I started talking to this guy, and he seems pretty solid.
But the thing is, he's still a student last year.
Keep talking.
Okay, sorry.
Update.
So last year, he's doing his master's in mechanical engineering.
But he it's a long distance because I'm in California, and he's all the way in Texas.
So I don't know.
I don't know how to feel about that.
But he did ask for my Instagram, we like connected through that too, and like my number.
So I gave him my number, we started like texting a little bit.
And then I finally like initiated like, oh, we should do like a voice call instead of
just like texting.
And he was like, he responded, he said, Nah, I think FaceTime sounds better.
So, I mean, we didn't decide on a date on like a FaceTime date yet.
But he said that by on Tuesday, he has basically like we can do it after Tuesday because he
has a lot of assignments due.
So yeah, I don't know, I'm just gonna let him like kind of lead it.
How old are you?
I'm 32.
Okay.
How long have y'all been talking through text or?
Since this past Saturday, like a couple days.
Okay.
Yeah.
Because today is just yeah.
Yeah.
It's time to make the transition.
Yeah.
So.
I said how old are you?
Because I didn't know if like you were like super young and super young people.
They prefer text communication.
Yeah.
So that's why I asked.
That's the only reason why I asked.
But yeah, it's time to see each other.
But he's all the way in Texas.
Oh, and also just like I think there was another girl that spoke and she was saying that like
he was a non-citizen.
She also lives in California and he's in Texas or something like that.
It's like similar.
He's here on a student visa, but he's been here since he was like 20.
And now he's 30.
You know, like he did his BSN in America, but he mentioned that was like the first thing
he mentioned.
And so I was.
But he also said, like, I'm going to go for my doctorate because I don't want to get my
like citizenship through a relationship, you know, through like a marriage.
I know.
Well, I mean, I feel like if I can get it through a marriage, I'll get it through a marriage.
It doesn't mean that he's seeking marriage for it, though.
And he does like this country and he has been here for a while.
So it's not like he got here a year ago.
Even this, I'm glad you brought that up because that's a good point for you as well, Alexandra.
I don't know how long this person has been here.
And so it's not to jump the gun, but I guess the greater concern wouldn't be that being
because he's been in this country for a while.
I mean, I was still, you know, look out for.
But the fact that you are so long distance is challenging.
Yeah, I've never done it.
It's a lot.
I mean, I'm in Texas.
I live in Austin.
I dated somebody in Dallas.
That was hard.
Because it was two hours and you're trying to put schedules together.
And so that's something to consider.
But go ahead.
yeah what were you saying go ahead oh me so i don't know i'm just like is it worth like
put like you know investing in it you know like doing the whole facetime thing and
okay well you have texts with a person you've never seen before unless you saw a picture but
you don't you know so you can facetime them and say like when you facetime like it's nice seeing
a face and putting a voice to your face and seeing your facial expressions but i counted up the cost
and you know long distance doesn't serve me best in this season of my life yeah if i'm not
interested right then i can just say that whether you're interested or not you need to count up the
cost of long distance if you don't mind dating somebody long distance just count the cost of
what that's gonna look like for you okay right and then you get to know them long distance but
you still need to be getting to know other people as well because um you don't have to put all your
eggs in one basket yeah and i have a date like in two hours like online but i'm not interested
like yeah but i'll do it because it's part of the program that's right yeah you're gonna
feel dainty and fun okay thank you so much i appreciate you eminee you're welcome thank you
you're welcome sarah
hi hey girl um so last week when i was on i uh was talking to a guy and um was
trying to figure out why he hadn't asked me out yet and whatnot and i took your advice and
um said something that oh basically we were talking about our plans over the weekend and he
was saying he thinks he's gonna have to work because he owns his own business and he just
works a lot but um and i was like oh i was hoping you know we'd finally get to meet and then so then
finally he was like well yeah let's meet and we went out anyway so tonight i thought i would be
going over this like dissecting this list of stuff that happened on the date um but
since so our date was saturday night and we talked for a while on sunday it was a great
date like i had a really good time we were there for like five hours and talked for a long time and
had felt like a really good connection and we talked for a while on sunday and then i asked
like we were like mid conversation sunday and i haven't heard from him since so i feel like i'm
being ghosted at this point um which is disappointing um but so instead of dissecting
all this stuff that happened on the date and if i should see him again now my my question is more
around like i'm just realizing in this process again how um how anxiously attached i am how
anxious i am and how much i've truly made like having a relationship in idol and like i was
totally like getting so attached to this guy that i don't know and so i'm just it's kind of has made
me like spiral a little bit this week and like i just i'm looking for any advice and help on how to
not be so quickly attached and like obsess a little bit and just to calm down and have fun in
this and not not be so anxious and honestly just being on this call tonight has helped already
but yeah yeah uh one thing i think that catches us off guard ladies is when we like a person
yes and so when you like a person you think you you the feeling is a little foreign to you
sometimes i'm concerned that we're associating liking someone with being attached you're just
talking to a guy that you like he was reciprocating you were reciprocating and then he fell out the
earth like he just stopped talking to you and you feel the sting of that because you are hoping that
will go somewhere that's not being anxious attached there's somebody giving energy you gave
energy back and then they drop the ball and what we do in the meantime while energy is being given
back and forth this is the issue if we oh we get on the phone you have to be mindful you get on the
phone with your friends you want to tell somebody right but make sure you don't spend the whole
conversation talk about that guy make sure you don't spend all your time thinking like these
are things you can't control that speed up a process that you don't want that kind of momentum
behind because that's when it really stings it's the momentum something that happens in
those days that you're talking about of course you're going to talk about them we are women
We feel you are not a brick wall, right?
You have a healthy heart.
You've gone through the hard work.
You can finally feel again, right?
So areas that were blocked off or not blocked off anymore.
You're on a faith journey with the Lord.
You decided to be open.
You decided to be vulnerable.
So some things are gonna touch you.
That doesn't mean that you're anxiously attached.
You may be bent that way,
but you can bend yourself another way.
Sarah, you like getting to know him.
You had a fish on the line.
Don't nobody wanna be reeling in a fish
and then it jumps back in the water.
So I just don't want us to beat ourselves up
about that process.
This is the process of dating, right?
And it can sting and it can also feel really good.
So we gather, we take the meat
and we spit out the bones of what happened.
You know that you don't like that someone talks to you
and then for two days, you don't hear from him.
So that means if you do hear from him again,
you'll let him know that that's not the way
you prefer communication.
That you were interested in getting to know him,
but he just cut things off, you know,
and what happened, right?
That's a conversation you could have.
So what you did in between time of liking him
and how you dealt with yourself in the meantime,
did you think about him all the time?
You know, when you get to the next guy that you like,
cause there is gonna be another guy that you like,
that when you start ruminating on him
more than you should,
you're gonna cut yourself back and not do that.
Why are you gonna do that?
It's because you're guarding your heart with all diligence
and you know that that's not gonna serve you best.
So you intentionally put things in place to help yourself.
You are not broken, you are a woman.
When we get an outfit we like, we tell people about it.
When there's a sale going on, we tell somebody about a sale.
We can't keep it to ourselves.
You're just being a female.
And you're learning wisdom to help guard your own self.
You're right.
And so think about what you did like about this guy.
Like, I like this and I like that.
Y'all, we like having attention.
It's nothing wrong with it.
It feels good to have somebody message you good morning
or say, how are you doing?
Or somebody's talking about you.
When they text you, that means they're thinking about you.
So don't think it's strange when they stop
and you feel like, oh, what happened?
You want the attention back.
That's how people are able to be prayed to being gas lit.
Because it feels good.
It feels good when somebody tell you how good you look
and how wonderful you are
and tell you about plans for the future.
It's just that when they love on you,
they're laying it on so thick and you like it.
But you know that it's not healthy
and there's a gender behind it
because you shouldn't be somebody's baby
or sweet thing or a boo that early on.
You shouldn't have pet names.
It's not healthy.
Why?
Because pet names make you feel
like you know somebody better than you do.
Call me by my name.
It's not that I don't like to hear that,
but I'm not gonna hear it from you
and certainly not right now.
And I'm just painting a bigger picture
so that you can see that you just talked to somebody
that you liked and he goes to you.
It feels a sting because for three days
you were talking to somebody
and somebody was talking back to you.
And you like it and everybody likes it.
I just, when he didn't respond it like last night,
I had a really hard time
and thankfully I had a Bible study
and could try to distract myself a little bit,
but I would call my family bawling
and like what did I do wrong and all this stuff.
And I'm like, okay, it was one date.
I might wanna calm down a little bit,
but you're right, the attention felt good.
And I haven't had a good date like that in a long time
where I like actually really liked him.
So, and that was the first one out of the heart work.
Yeah.
And that's what else you learn.
If you called your family bawling,
the next time you're not gonna call your family bawling.
It's just kind of how it is.
Like you're just going through the process
and ladies don't forget that you're in an active process
of believing God for a spirit mate.
You don't believe that he's your spirit mate,
but there's an active process working within you
and you cannot discount that.
You have to give yourself grace.
It stings when somebody just stops talking to you
and you like them
and you thought you were going somewhere with this.
Yeah.
It's nothing wrong with you, Sarah.
You are completely normal.
Thank you.
And so one thing I do when I'm getting to know a guy,
I remind, I actually, I intentionally don't talk as much.
I intentionally don't text as much.
much because it only takes an hour if you see somebody texting you. And I'm like my phone
was dry before you came along and I'm gonna make sure it stay semi-dry while you here.
And you know, I mean, I've had so many, so much practice with this, but you pace it. Even when
they text you, um, you can just, at first, you know, it's okay. You can run it. How about like
give it time? Um, getting phone wasted is fun until then you don't have that person there
talking to all day, all the time. It's just so, it's, it's so easy. You have to, it's so easy to
create a pattern that's not supposed to be a pattern so soon. And so you get ahead of yourself
and say, I know I want to talk to them right now, but I'm going to do something else because I'm
just getting to know them. They could possibly likely not even be my spirit mate. The Lord is
working me through a process. And so I'm going to do myself a favor and say, Hey, I saw that you
reached out to me. Let's chat tomorrow. Hmm. Something, especially if you know that the way
you're being, you don't have other people that you're talking to. You want to be strategic in
your conversations, not because you're withholding, you're not playing games, but you're making it,
pacing it for yourself. So that next week when it ain't working and you find out like this,
what this dude about, you can be like, okay, cool. So now you don't miss him every day. It's just
every other day you miss him. That's better. It is better to miss somebody every other day than
every single day, every minute. Like one thing I teach them to do as a teacher, I will not text you.
I don't text during the day when I'm at work. I don't even start this up. I I'm not starting it.
You just wait till I get at work at four o'clock. That's a good boundary. Why do I do it? I do it
for me. So I don't want to keep looking at my phone all day. Remembering when somebody was
messaging me to see what I was doing. You ain't getting my prep time. You ain't getting my lunch
time. You didn't get my morning drive. Yeah. That was me all day yesterday. Look at
me. Don't give it up. Set times. Like I won't talk between these hours. And if this block of time,
I will talk. I like that. Right. And so things like that can help you with that process.
Um, and it takes a while to find balance. Like Susan was saying, she's like, I'm trying to find
a balance. Yes. You gotta find the balance. And sometimes you tilt too far to the left. It's okay.
You ain't running out of time. You can tilt on back over to the right. That's why you have to
take the pressure off of yourself when you're discovering when you're learning. Is it gonna
sting? Yeah, but it won't last forever. It ain't none today. You're right.
Thank you. Yeah, we're just finding a balance and we're here to help you do it.
You're welcome. I'm sorry. He hurt your heart, Sarah. He was so cute. You have this like pure
little face. And you said he was so cute. So you probably bet to walk away. He too fine. I don't
do them too fine. I'm like, Oh, you're gonna speed up the process. I need you to know he's cute too.
Oh, and I'm like, we didn't have chemistry. You don't need no chemistry. You need to get to know
people sober of mind. Yeah. Right. You need to be sober in your mind. The finer they are,
the less sober you are. You're right. You're nothing. You don't need to feel nothing.
Yep. All right. Thank you. You're welcome. And I know it's so good to see you enjoying it. So
good to see you. But Felicia is going to be our last one tonight because we're well over time.
But she was already the last one like 30 minutes ago. It didn't just happen. But because I was
talking, I wasn't able to tell you but if you will please post on the wall, I would really
appreciate it. Thank you, Joanne. Thank you for grace. And Shirai, you know, I always like to hear
from you, but I won't be able to because Felicia was the last one 30 minutes ago. Come back,
Felicia. Oh, I'm back. Hi, how you doing? Thank you for taking me. I'm sorry. I didn't want to
take the space. It's not too important. But hey, thank you guys for your priors.
It means a lot community, Ebony. It was great. You know, you go to a funeral and say it was great.
It was because my brother, we talk about it, but just see the action of him changing the life of
people was just amazing. You know, 95% of the people were friends and people that he changed,
even the people that
was scheduling his appointments were there.
Nurses were there.
It was such an amazing time
to see how he had poured in people's life
and make meals for them like I would do.
And we're so brother, sister, one heart.
We like to feed people and care for them.
And thank you guys, it was great.
And I had some ordeal coming back.
I was supposed to be back yesterday,
my flight delay,
and they kind of treated me like I was invisible.
But let me tell you,
coaching just strengthen you in every year of your life,
that you're able to,
I was so excited that I was able to step away
from how I was treated.
And I went in a corner and I just calmed down.
And I said, come on, coaching is in work.
Coaching is in work.
And I see who I have become.
And that was so amazing
to see the woman that I have become through coaching.
And it just warms my heart to know
that I'm getting to be a better person every day.
Being around, I just want to tell you that.
So tomorrow I have a date, Mr. North Carolina.
You know, he's in law enforcement.
And guys, I went through a whole thing
being in this country with immigration,
accused that I had drugs and they held me in Miami.
And I had like nine officers on me.
I would never talk to a law enforcement person.
I used to be so scared of them.
And let me tell you,
I went through a lot an entire day with polices and deputy
and all kinds of people on me.
And when I say hi to this guy, I was like, wow.
Let me tell you, I learned so much from him
and all that fear of,
even though it happened a long time ago,
but just that little edge that I would have is gone
just by talking to him.
So we're going to meet tomorrow.
He's in line with that timing.
And he actually said, because I went through so much
to, you know, get back on my flight,
he's going to drive all the way here to see me.
So that's nice.
He's, you know, he's a little bit of authority.
He has a lot, I don't, I'm not afraid of authority.
I like how authority look in a suit too.
But yeah, yeah, in his,
he talks to me a lot in his clothing.
He's not on the street, but he works indoor.
And yeah, he likes to know that he wear a suit.
So what he's very, he has a killer sense of humor.
He said that's very important for him
with the kind of job that he does.
And he always start everything with a sense of humor.
And he said, that's one of the thing he's looking for.
So he wants to come and meet tomorrow.
So let's see, let's see what authority does.
I don't know what authority might do,
but I'm excited he coming to see you.
I said to him the first time when we talked,
he works in and he said, well,
but he doesn't like it.
He likes to be more of a community officer.
So I said, man, I missed the opportunity to be arrested.
He laughed so much.
I said, I could be on the road.
I just run the red light and you just arrest me.
Oh my God, you get a kick out of that.
So I guess that's why he continued talking to me
because of the sense of humor.
Don't be twisted though, ladies.
Arrested on the street.
No, no, no, no, Taylor, don't twist.
You have to allow it first.
Did you want to arrest you, honey?
Arrest me, oh my God.
But anyway, he's coming up to me.
Let's see, let's see what happened.
It's, you know, I'm a big girl.
I can do this, right?
Yeah, you can do it.
I can do it.
I'm not afraid of officers.
Anything you have to tell me?
No, I'm excited for you.
I'm glad that you were able to go to the funeral
and it was such a wonderful celebration.
You know, there is a, interestingly enough,
for some reason, I have a trauma
also around law enforcement officers.
If someone is in law enforcement
would like me on a dating app,
I would not talk back to them.
I won't like them, even if they look interesting.
I don't know why, I just, I do not like that.
It's probably all this Lifetime stuff I done watched.
I feel like they could, I'm so serious, like.
I be like, oh, you ain't finna get me
and kill me and hurt me and beat me
and I can't tell nobody.
I said, oh no, every time I see a law enforcement,
I say the same thing.
I said, oh no, you ain't finna get me
and kill me and rape me and beat me
and nobody, I can't tell nobody.
And I just said, stupid Lifetime movies.
Oh my goodness, they have planted these things in me.
A law enforcement officer, when you serve your people,
it's a.
honorable position. It is honorable. And I just say, you know, this is ridiculous. And so, um, yeah, I think
it is, you know, it's the way Susan looking at me. I was like,
you know, tell us all the time. Honestly, I learned what Evan Deer saying, just don't take
it serious there, man. Don't take it serious. Just have joy. You learn so much from each of
I went to the guy I went out with the other day where I had a dinner with him.
I just sat there. It was so calm. I don't think he has teeth on his top. I just don't think so.
I honestly came back and my friend said, you sat there almost an hour and a half,
two hours having dinner. I'm telling you, he was just, he just was, he was grieving about his mom.
I don't think he left his top teeth. See Kim, you could deal with a little must.
If she can see what a man with no top teeth, baby, you is in good company over there. Take
your little speed stick and keep going because I know I just love Felicia's updates. Let me just
you guys, they're men. They're not,
I don't see a spirit major in them. They're not your spirit.
No deodorant, a little lack of a little deodorant after a long day versus leaving
your top teeth at home is a whole different scenario, but I'm glad you have.
Why would you say hi to a beautiful woman like me without top teeth? Like
just think he has the highest state of confidence. I just, come on guys.
Top teeth ain't never stopped. No bad. He can do some things without some top teeth.
It makes me, it makes me prettier. It makes me love myself more because he has no top teeth
and he look at a woman like, what am I going to say?
That's a confident man. You're right, Felicia. That is a confident man. Look at Susan.
I know teeth. I never saw it that way. I know. I can only imagine what it'd be like trying to
chew, eat a cracker. I didn't look, I wasn't interested. He was grieving and I was like,
you know what? Let me just be kind.
Y'all were eating food?
Huh?
Y'all were eating food? Y'all were eating food?
I ate my food.
And how did he eat his food? Right there?
I don't know. He ate his food.
Did you look over there?
He works at a radio station. He's a DJ on a radio station. I don't know how he does it. I guess
we don't. My sister said.
He probably had just getting his top grill done and probably had got him pulled, but it's okay.
I mean, he has a good job and he can get implants, but I'm not working. That's cosmetic,
but I'm not interested to work on him.
That's right, Felicia. Come on, you preaching. No, that's the truth though, for real.
The truth is cosmetic things can be changed.
You know, he
himself and but yeah, so I'm excited to see what law enforcement officer has to do,
what he has to say. I'm not saying much, but he's very, he's leader. He's a lot of,
you can see that. So I just listened to him, you know, until he said something that I'm
not going to interject, but he's pretty, pretty good.
Yeah. Well, I'm excited for you. I agree with you. That was a very good laugh.
And so thank you for sharing. It was a really good laugh. Thank you.
Thank you so much for coaching us. It means a lot to me. Okay. Thank you.
You are welcome. I'm going to pray for your day tomorrow. Somebody else is going on a date now,
and we're just going to say quick prayer for them. Father, we thank you for the dates that
all of us are going on and everybody who doesn't have a date. I want you to take this as a
testimony. Every time you hear about a date in these sessions, I want you to know that God is
in your neighborhood. I don't want you to walk away feeling like, oh man, everybody's getting
dated and I'm not getting a date. When you see God moving, you got to say to yourself,
he is in my neighborhood. If he's moving on my neighbor, he's on the way to my house.
So I don't care if you see it on the community, the wall, I'm going to see if you coach it.
If you see somebody getting married, when you see jacket post, when you say to yourself,
God is in my neighborhood, it won't be long before he knocks on my door. I thank you for
these women. I thank you for your bribes. I thank you that you have godly kingdom men
lined up to walk down the aisle with them.
God, a better God, will take women and train them by his own hand to get them ready for
the men that he's trained by his own hand.
Oh, you are a good God and we trust you indeed that you will come up with a program like
this to get your kingdom brides ready, to release them into the earth, to slay a thousand
and ten thousand when you put them with your men.
And so we're excited tonight, oh God, and we give you the praise, the honor, and the
glory because you're in our neighborhood and you are working in our favor.
There is nothing too hard for our God and we believe that you can, you will, and you
are working in our favor.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Amen.
Okay, ladies, you have a good night.
Yeah, and keep us updated.
Shirai, you need to send me an update on the coaching world.
I will.
Okay, Leah, a good night y'all.
I just want to, Leah, are you, what's your last name?
I'm Leah.
Leah, I keep saying I've never met you before.
You're always in my coaching session.
We need to talk next time.
I actually talked in Carla's class today.
Oh, okay.
I see you every single time.
Yeah.
Okay, all right.
Next time, me and you.
Okay, all right.
Kim, good night, Nadine.
Good night, Naomi.
Good night, ladies.
I enjoy you so much.
Sleep well.
See you, Nikki.
All right.
Good night, ladies.
Good night, Ebony.
Bye, Ebony.
Thanks.
Thanks, Ebony.
Good night.
Thank you.
You're welcome.