be in a program like this. So hi, this is Men's Heartwork check-in.
October 20th, 2025. We were just talking about how Jackie's program is really unique with the
heart healing and how it's important to have commonality in your framework according to dating
like stage one, stage two, stage three, stage four, and stage five. That helps out hugely.
And just the fact that you get the tools to actually do the heart work and do that. And so
so gentlemen, Stephan, that's right. Yeah. I always want to call you Stephen, but it's Stephan,
right? Welcome. Thank you. That's great. Thank you. Good to be back.
And we're joined with James.
So how about you guys? We got some wins, some cool things to share,
some testimonies to grab onto, some hope to look at.
No, I can't. I was going to, I was hopefully going to bring something that was exciting to
you guys this week, but I can't. No. All right. Maybe that I was, I was, that I've been seeing
for the last two years, it's been 20, 25 months now. And I had an opportunity being with her
brother, my brother-in-law and sister, sister yesterday. I went to their place just to find
more information because, you know, you don't take the person you're dating face value. You
talk to their family, you talk to people that really know them. Yeah. That's so important
to remember that when you're dating is only because it's telling one side of the story.
There's a lot more, especially if they're from a divorce or something in the past,
because their families can tell you a lot more that the skeletons that are going, you can ask
the question, what skeletons are in her life? What is it that the family may, if she's not
telling me that's actually in there, what does she like? And in doing so you are opening yourself
up to much more information and understanding because when you don't understand why the girl
you're dating, it does a certain thing. Well, the family knows and they can fill in the gaps.
And I received that last night by the, by the family meeting with the family. And they were
more than happy by the way, to meet with me. A lot of people won't do it because they figure,
they're prying. No, no, they're actually helping you in this. They actually told me, then get this
guys. I, we went on a date with them several weeks ago. And at the very end, the brother-in-law told
me, we're more afraid of for you than for her. Well, that, that, that caused something within
me to say, well, I've got to find out more information. So it's taken me this long.
So I asked them, what was that about? And they simply says, is because you know how to love
super, almost supernaturally. You can love her unconditionally. She is not like that.
And we're more afraid for you that you're going to be caught into a, into a situation with her
that you're going to be so disappointed in the end. And so I appreciated that because, you know,
they, they saw the value that I had by just the few days of only seeing me and how well I've
treated her and looked after her. And they're more concerned about me than their own sister.
And so that was a, that was a bonus for me, but it does come to me once they started explaining to
me who Kathy was, how the family dynamics were, how their mom and dad were. But coming from a
perspective, it opened my eyes to many things that Kathy's not going to be able to change.
She's just not able to, because that runs in the family. I've learned things in how I can
handle her a little bit better. That's almost wrong word handler. So I can grow with her,
help her grow, but she's going to want to grow. So it's it's so once I learned what I learned about
not speaking more about her, but to say that now I know I'm going to make a decision. Do I want to
continue on in a relationship that this, I may not get the things that I need in my life. Am I
settling? There's the second thing. Am I settling for something that I could have had something
better? And I've got to settle that within my own heart over the next couple of weeks and, and,
and learn how to discover new things with her. So I just wanted to share that tonight.
Well, and may the Lord give you wisdom and clarity on that and show you and may you see
it clearly. So I know you're, you're looking at it objectively, which is amazing. But like,
may you hear his voice on it too, in Jesus name. Hey, Mr. Tim. Hey, Mr. Joshua. So Kenton was
talking about how, well, I'm going to, I'm going to use my own wording, but like, when you get a
chance, like when you marry,
somebody, you marry their family as well. And it's good to get a
chance to interview the family. Well, I don't know, I don't let
them know I'm interviewing them, but I do come in with, you know,
subtly, but, and the fact that their family, Kenton, that her
family is was so, so openly, like, said it clearly, I'm like,
that's, that's, that's, it's like, hey, at least you can see
it heads up. And that's the thing, guys, is one of the keys
in relationships is, before you enter into a relationship, you
want to be like, okay, so here's the, here's the goods, the
bads, the uglies. And am I okay with this? You know, like, and
if it stands, and you're okay with it, then you can proceed
forward. But if there's things where you're like, well, if they
change this, that's a that's a no fly zone. Right? Because you
can't go into a relationship expecting somebody to change,
because then you're, and most people do, right? Or, or
actually, let me phrase it, a lot of people do. This guy was
one of them. So I can tell you, like, and it doesn't. And if
it's not handled before you get into a relationship, it's kind
of challenging, because they become the way they are. Well,
okay. If they're in their 20s, that's one thing. But like, a
lot of the us were, well, I'm a little later on, people get
fairly established and changes heart. So if they haven't
changed by their 40s, they're probably pretty set in their
patterns, not that they can't change, but you can't get into a
relationship expecting them to change.
Does that make sense is that if they won't change before they're
you're married, they won't change after that's a very true
statement. Yes. You got to go into relationships, opened, open
your eyes, gentlemen, open your eyes to what's actually
happening, get the starry eyes, situate syndrome out of your
eyes, and ask the harder questions, but working with the
family, and you're going to call it interview, that's not a bad
little thing, you know, intervene, because that's where
you're actually there to discover. If you're going to get
involved with somebody who's got who's been divorced, or even you
can ask them, how did they treat their, their other spouse at
that time, and the family will actually surprise you by being
very truthful, and not always on their sister's or brother's
side, they're going to be honest, they're gonna say, well,
this is the reason we think that they're that relationship fell
apart. And if that, like I, for Kathy, they told me something
that what she did with with her last husband, and she's still
doing it today. And that one really opened my eyes, it wasn't
something that she, because she says one thing, well, they say
something different. I have to wait very carefully, of course.
But if you've seen the same pattern, then you can almost
guarantee that that's going to continue going on, and you're
not going to be able to change that. So either you have to
accept that, or you have to say no, this is something I can't
it's, it's, it's too big for me. I don't want to go into the rest
of my relationship having to do with this, because if the
relationship is frustrating, there's a big key right there.
If you're frustrated over certain things, that those are
things you need to keep your eyes open to, and find out why
you're frustrated. Because it might be your problem, it might
be their problem. And it might be something you can't change.
And so you got to make a decision. At that point, will I
want to continue on with this relationship and live with it
the rest of my life? And I'm saying, gentlemen, don't live
with that. Don't don't do that. You know, if it's something that
is really bothering you, it's going to bother you forever.
It doesn't get better the bothering if it starts out early
and it's bothering you. It's not it's just going to get
bigger. David, I see you. One sec. But um, but also you guys
when you're in relationship with somebody, not only what you're
seeing what you're hearing, and families, some of them have axes
to grind. So you really have to determine like whether the but
like Kent was saying, he's seen a pattern and he's actually
experienced that pattern. Well, that's pretty, that's pretty,
you know, you got to two things corroborating it. And like you
do either accept it or you you just kibosh it. But also you
listening, feel feel your body. Do I feel like I am at peace
with this person? Am I anxious? I mean, if you're always
anxious, and you're anxious with that person, then well, that's
not them. Well, potentially, right. But like, if but you're,
but listen to your body, because your body is going to be telling
you the things that this thing isn't, or that maybe your
glasses are a little rose colored, you know, and so it's
kind of key. And once again, not these things, even if that's
a problem, you can look at it. And then say, Okay, is this
something? Is this me? Is it? Or is it something that's
acceptable? Maybe a difference of opinion? You know, like, or
like, can I deal with it? Or, because for me, like the first
guy, first time I dated back, when I started dating
again after my divorce, I was triggered the whole date, right?
And it had nothing to do with her. It had everything to do with me.
So if I would have put that on her, but it gave me good information.
So if what you're feeling is information, what you hear from their, you know,
you know, like Ken said, you know, we see this rose colored glasses, these starry eyes.
We're like, oh, she's beautiful and amazing and everything's great.
And then you're like, there's 43 red flags.
But who needs, who cares about those?
Because everything else is glorious until about a year into it.
And you're like, oh, those red flags are strangling me.
Anyways.
All right.
Mr. Mr. Wright, sir.
What did, what did you, you had a hand raise?
Yeah.
So mine, sorry, one second.
I'm just going to clear my throat.
So mine kind of piggybacks off of Kenton's thing.
So I've been seeing Evelyn for about, like, we've been talking for nine weeks.
We've been like seeing each other for eight weeks now.
And it's been going really great, you know, and I'm rewiring my brain.
So I used to be someone who loved like high risk, high reward, high intensity,
high drama relationships, right?
The push and pull.
And I'm someone who's securely attached.
But I love, I'm a bit of a daredevil and I love that like uncertainty.
And, but with Evelyn, I've been trying to do it different, right?
I've been trying to rewire my brain, you know, counting the wins, but really just in a different
headspace.
And, you know, I'm going slow and I'm just saying, hey, you know what, like I'm getting
used to someone who's calm, who's understanding, who, you know, isn't, there isn't that like
high highs, low lows.
It's just kind of consistent.
And it's been awesome.
Except here comes the problem is that she found out recently that I was referred to
in the program through someone who I used to date named Phoebe.
And Evelyn has become obsessed with Phoebe.
She asks about Phoebe every single day, every time.
Did you say day?
You said day?
Day.
Every day she asks about Phoebe.
And, you know, and so, and I just said to her, I said, look, you know what, I'm trying
really hard to build something together.
And I said, the minute you bring up my past, I said, that stops me from moving forward.
And that puts me back in the past.
And she said, well, you're stuck in a loop.
And I said, right.
I said, but every time you keep reintroducing someone who I used to date, that pulls the
energy off of you and me.
And now it's you, me and Phoebe.
And Phoebe was a lovely person.
Yep.
Sorry, man.
So how long ago was Phoebe?
Phoebe was like right before I entered the program.
And so that was like six months ago, maybe?
Has it been about six months?
I'm terrible with time.
Yeah, yeah, that's okay.
I came in July.
Well, I mean, and so, well, so I hear what you're saying.
So she, so she's obviously riled up about her, right?
So, and she's, so you're looping it.
And how is that?
So it is, so it's your pre, I just wanted some context to the whole thing to make sure.
So it's your previous relationship.
Okay.
Yeah.
And so for me, like, I would say Phoebe and I were probably like level two, level three,
because we were talking for two months.
For Phoebe, it was only level one.
And she was a lovely human being, super kind.
She was the one who suggested me to the heart work.
And, but she just wasn't really that interested in me.
Totally fine.
And, and I haven't talked to her really in two months or like, you know, like I haven't
talked to her at all.
I don't really have communication with her.
And I've kind of, I've really moved on from that in a sense.
Like, I think she's a lovely person and no harsh feelings against Phoebe at all.
But I'm kind of trying to pull away from that push and pull and someone who's more consistent.
And so, like, for instance, Evelyn and I went to a museum and she said, oh, have you been
to a museum with someone else before?
And I said, yeah, I went to one museum in Ottawa with somebody else who I was on a date
with.
But, and then she was like, was it Phoebe?
Was it Phoebe?
And she said, you know, I think about Phoebe more than I think about you.
And I, and I just, I said, I said, whoa, whoa, whoa.
And I said, if you and I are going to be building something together, it needs to be you and
me.
And I said, I'm, I said, this is a trust thing for me.
I said, you know, because now it's like, because I just said to her, because now she's saying,
well, she feels led by God to reach out to Phoebe.
And she's texting Phoebe all the time.
And yeah, and it is like, and it's setting her up with all the boys that she didn't want.
And she's like, and I just said, look, I can't hear about my ex-girlfriend anymore.
And like, that's someone who I dated, who I really respect.
And she said, well, you know, God's told me that I need to reach out to her.
And I was like, I said, listen, she's got a great community of people who love her that I know,
you know, I know her best friend, her best friend is awesome. She was my Bible college leader.
Like she's in great hands. Like she said, well, you know, the Lord told me that I need to tell
her that we're dating. And in my head, I'm like, that is such a red flag. So I, I'm just kind of
like pump the brakes a little bit. And I just said, is this a trust issue? I said, because it's just
to me, it sounds like you're not trusting what I've told you. I said, this doesn't seem like a
Phoebe issue at all. And this is like, is he telling the truth? Yeah, no, I mean, that's,
there's a lot. She just has a jealousy element to it as well, too. You got to be careful with that
one. It's an insecurity. Yeah. And she's, she's anxious, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Attachment. So, so where are you at with that?
Um, I mean, yeah, it's made me go a bit slower. I think, like, you know, do I see it as not a
yellow, but as a red flag? Uh-huh. Yeah. And when I when I looked at Josh's face on the screen,
I was like, that's kind of how I felt internally. I was like, oh, my gosh, like, what is going on,
Lord? And so, um, because I was like, this was supposed to be the safe one. This was supposed
to be the safe, secure, going slow. Um, well, the process, the process. Okay, so you're I'm
really proud of you by doing your process, you guys, like, too often, we get caught up in the
fireworks and all that stuff. And that's, I mean, like, so I'm really proud of you, David,
for not being the push pull and all that stuff, the love bond, like back and forth, the high highs,
you know, so steady is really good. And the good thing about steady being really good is you're not
so out of out of your mind that you actually can see things. Right. You know, I'm sorry that that's
she's really got a brokenness there. Right. And so it's and it sounds like you've set good
boundaries and she doesn't and it sounds like she's blowing through those boundaries. Yes.
Yeah. And with the guys. And you know what? We're all discerning men here. I'm sorry,
but if you're going to tell me, oh, God said my radar is going to ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,
red flag. Right. Like if someone says, well, you know, like the God said thing, the God said,
you know, you guys, I I hear from God a lot. I don't play that ever. Right. Like there's there's
a lot of things that I will not I will not. And so that's religious manipulation,
religious manipulation. I got my liners and it's hard to see it sometime.
Hey, Mr. Stefan, you want to kick it, chime in on this?
Yes. I was just thinking now in terms of David's question is we don't control anyone else.
We only control ourselves. So even if you suggest to her, don't she could do that anyway? And I
would just encourage you to let her if she really wants to. It's not going to she's going to
scratch that itch, but it's not really going to do anything for her. And I think what Kenton said
she's probably immature and it'll blow up in her face most probably. And that will just show you
who she truly is under pressure. And maybe you can walk you guys can walk together through that,
but maybe not. And that's just then. Well, what it is for her. But it seems quite futile to fight it
because that's not going to change for her. And yeah, as be at peace, we need to follow peace.
And if if there isn't peace, then it's sort of a sign. Yeah. And you said you're still in
phase one. Is that correct? No, no. Sorry. So with with Evelyn, we would I would say we were like
So we're exclusive. We're seeing each other. We're not at that dating stage yet because
she sees dating as I'm only going to date someone if we're going to be doing Simbis
and we're going to be getting engaged. And so, yeah, there's a lot of pressure.
That's stage four. Yeah. For us, it's stage four. Right. And I would say that stage four, too.
So, yeah, I'm just kind of going slow and letting my brain rewire. But I really appreciate what you
were saying, Kenton, and what Stefan was saying as well, because so I actually did that. And I
just said to her, I said, look, I trust your discernment. And so if you feel that God is
telling you that, OK, I can't tell you what God has said or hasn't said.
to you because I'm not God. I'm Dave and Dave is wrong all the time and so I said you know like
you're free to do that and I said I've told you that it makes me makes me feel a little
uncomfortable but I'm going to trust your discernment and your discretion and then
but you know and I've kind of established that but that she can't think for me but that she's
allowed to think for herself but that her thoughts aren't my thoughts. Yeah. Did she tell you why she
needed to call? Yes. Was because that she needed to tell Phoebe that I was hers basically because
her first thing was like oh I'm concerned for her in community and when I said she's got a
great community of a church and people that love her and she's like well and then the real reason
was is she needed to tell Phoebe that her and I were in a relationship. That's why. Well that's
that is a dangerous sign right there. I wouldn't even bother continuing with that relationship
because she's going to do that to a lot of family members as well to have disrespect for him because
that's what she's doing. She's showing a disrespect towards you and towards her. She doesn't have to
tell anybody. That just naturally should come out and that's a controlling element as well too. So
watch the control. It's like marking your territory. It's marking territory. It's saying you know and
like in this total it's completely and it's and the way you've made it if Phoebe had been like
pinging you even then I don't see it being like because that's your that's you that's on you it's
not on her right like you know if Phoebe's pinging you then you say hey I'm in another relationship
boom but it has nothing right yeah no and Phoebe's been really respectful and like really kind and
she's like Phoebe just said you know that she wasn't really interested but she said here's last
year single it can help you and then maybe you'll meet somebody great so I was like awesome like
thanks Phoebe like thanks for putting me in a pool of people who love Jesus and a great community
and you know like that was where we ended it and she's I think you're great and you'll marry
somebody great Jackie will help you the men are great and so it's been amazing so that's where
that ended and that's been the communication of that that's where that just ended so I'm sorry
but I'm I'm glad that you're seeing it and you're I'm glad that you're mentioning it right and that's
the key about being in community right like Kenton's been done a lot of counseling I've done
a lot or coaching coaching you know like but and and you can just pray pray that she gets healing
in that area I mean and she's in a community that hopefully she uses it you know the heartwork and
all that stuff but I'm really proud of you for actually working the plan rewiring your subconscious
so you're not attracted to danger and flames and fire right you know and you know like it's it's
it's hard but like you know 21 days so yeah well I'm proud of you you're doing a great you're
done even though it's not how it's you would like it to be you've done a great job in it the whole
way I mean you've actually convicted me on things I'm like wow I really need to step up so yeah
and what one thing that I found has been really helpful is I've been journaling my wins
and so I learned it from here but you know every week we go like what are the wins right and so now
every day I've just been journaling hey what are the wins what a relationship wins and then I'm
looking back and I'm thinking hey brain look that you're winning every day and I like winning
right I'm for a house of five boys if you're not first or last Ricky Bobby right like I like to win
and so every day if I'm if I'm saying I'm winning I'm winning I'm winning I'm like
oh I'm telling my brain brain this going slow thing is actually working you're winning no you
are you're crushing it and even seeing red flags even though it doesn't feel like a win is a win
like you know I mean like not being in stuck in something that's terrible yeah so wow hey
hey can I just chime in one thing yeah jump in Tim good to see you hey hey David just want to say
um boy great responses you've been handling the relationship really well you've been articulating
really well you've been um kind of speaking back you're replying with reason and and your feelings
and logic but not like I know myself in the past I just like get defensive and get you know like
escalate and so I just commend you for your really mature handling of this relationship so great
job yeah thank you Tim I mean like David you've inspired me like so I just like I hope you guys
I think I don't nobody else but like how he's done how he's worked it how he's done it and
it's really you guys I applaud you all it's really hard to change your stuff it's hard really hard to
rewire your mind it's really hard to do all this stuff and I and
That's why I'm here, wanting to help you guys in any way I can possibly do that.
Anybody else have anything, any wins they want to share or anything they want to bring
up?
Thanks for the encouragement, guys.
You bet, David.
Anytime.
We're here for you, bro.
So Jackie, so, you know, Jackie's, you know, been started this, but Renee Rizzo has been
one of the older, she's one of the OGs, as Jackie called her.
She got married this weekend.
So isn't that amazing?
Yes, it is.
You know, thank you, Jesus.
Renee, let me just pray, Lord, you bless Renee's marriage and everything, and may it be greater
than they ever imagined.
And I just pray that they would synchronize and become one, and that you would just launch
them into great heights and great bliss, in Jesus' name, amen.
That's actually a good one to talk about, Mike.
Their relationship should help us out and recognize what a good relationship really
turned out and how God had worked it out.
Because as you know from the story from, I think it was Saturday, David was talking about
that a little bit as well, too, and so was Jackie, that she was dating all the wrong
guys, and she was almost settling for the wrong guys, too.
But what came into effect is the moment in which she had made that change in her life,
she was going for that change, what she really wanted to do, and she came into a man that
was exactly who she needed.
She was an intellectual man, a man that was a professor, so he knows how to do all sorts,
but they are so much alike in that realm.
So she had to wait for that right guy.
She didn't settle.
She got some good advice from Jackie and David, and she dodged a few bullets, one might say
that, too, but recognizing how her intellectualness needed another intellectual person, and for
her that was so necessary, and we can't put that one down.
That's why I say when you know your love language, it's much easier to be in love with somebody
who's got the same love languages than they have different ones, especially if you guys,
what are your first ones?
Touch.
If it's touch, and if she's not about touch, she's going to starve you to death, isn't
it?
In so many words, you've got to be really careful of choosing the love language as well
out there.
Be careful.
So, and here's the thing, you guys, physical attraction is the number one thing that people
look at.
They're like, oh, they're hot, right?
You know, but like there's spiritual, there's emotional, there's intellectual, and all three
of those are really freaking important.
You can have the hottest woman and no intellectual attraction, and it's going to last for like
five minutes, and then you're going to be bored out of your mind, and you're going to want
to jump off a bridge, because you're like, I can't carry on a conversation with this
person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, right?
Like, so like, just because she's hot doesn't mean you guys work, right?
You know, pick the hottest one that you connect with on the other language, like the spiritually,
intellectually, don't jump off a bridge.
Just so you see what I'm saying is like, you're like, oh my gosh, what did I do?
Because and that's why, David, it's key to be slow, right?
Because if that physical fire is just like, you're like, who cares about intellectual,
spiritual and emotional?
You should be caring about it.
You should be looking at that.
You should be seeing that.
And you don't attract what you pray for, you attract what you heal from.
So like, if you're not healed, you're not going to be attracted to the things that are
good for you.
And that's why, once again, I'm going to beat this drum until it breaks, if it ever breaks.
But that's why being in here, listening to these guys, going through, getting the stuff,
rewiring your subconscious is so important.
And so when somebody with red flags all over, like comes in a red flag dress that's smoking,
you're like, yeah, no, we're good.
We don't need that.
But I like red dresses.
Come on.
I do, too.
You know what?
But like, I married one of those.
And I can tell you that I the end doesn't end super awesome.
But all right, so last week, if you guys have sent me the email from the lady last
week, we're going, oh, I need I need to get that, too, because I did anybody get, you
know, I got it.
I can if you give me your emails, I can send it.
Oh, that's amazing, because I didn't get that.
Yeah, so if you guys were in the chat, you guys you guys want you guys need this because
it's it's huge and she was really helpful in her email.
She put it like she like explained how to use it in the tips and she like Christine's.
So if you guys did not see last week, it's it's you have to like there's like, you know,
it's not that I'm going to put something on you.
Go watch it because it was so transformative.
And has anybody done their recording?
I started playing it. I'd like to raise my hand. I was planning on doing it this weekend.
I'm actually going to go back again and watch last week's because I'm going to take better
notes and do all the whole processes. But 21 days to completely change your mind, right?
And so, yeah, it's Christine Sullivan and it was amazing. Well, I've done a lot of attachment
theory, but the way she does it with the neuroplasticity is amazing. David, did you
have something to say? Yeah, I already jumped in. I forgot about all the freebies she gave
us. I already jumped in and probably going to get into her paid program. So I already
had a free appointment for that. So what is it? I mean, I actually would like to do that
too. So what she usually does with her private clients is like, you know, she tries to like,
you know, where do you want to be in a year? Where do you want to be in three years and
then reverse engineer it? But if that's not what you're really looking for, if since we're
in with David and Jackie, then it's more slated towards like artwork kind of angle on it and
working through like different attachment styles, understanding where you're really
at with your attachment style and what it's going to take to get back to a secure attachment
through exercises. I'm pretty sure it's a 12 week program. Yeah, 12 week program and
one hour zoom session. And I don't know the total cost on it, but yeah, because I wasn't
in a place to to start like last week, getting a follow call, follow up call this week to
go forward on it. But I guess that just to say I've been kind of struggling with with
that because I realize like attachment style is so important to know. It's like it's like
a big key that opens up a lot of doors is basically the easiest way I can say it. And
because you seem to shut down and distant and. But you're hurting as well, but the like,
but for me, I know that's because I felt like when I was growing up, I wasn't allowed to
have certain emotions, you know, and I wasn't allowed to make mistakes. And that's extremely
damaging. So it's massively damaging. Yeah, it's like, yeah. And you know, here's the
thing about avoidance, right? OK, so you're talking to an anxious guy and I've dealt with
a lot of avoidance. But you know, the thing that makes me the most sad is that one of
the reasons why they're avoidant is because love has never been safe. There you go. Yeah.
And because love has never been safe, when they start feeling loved, they're afraid that
there's a frickin something's going to Hulk smash them and obliterate them or whatever.
And that's why they run. They don't run because they're like, oh, I just want to be chased.
They run because they're afraid because love has never been safe. So if you're avoidant,
my heart is broken because, you know, as an anxious person, yeah. Well, I mean, anxious
people do the same thing, though. Like so anxious, the attachment style with the shoe
to drop. So my shoe to drop is, oh, they're going to leave. Right. Versus I'm going to
be hurt. Right. Well, I mean, you're going to be hurt when they leave. But like, you
know, like I got to hold on because they're going to leave and I got to grab. And then
as they grab, they run more. And then it's this whole and anxious usually attached to
or I mean, get in a relationship with avoidance. I mean, it just it's that. And so, you guys,
I don't say this very often, but healing your attachment style other than your love language
is probably the number one thing you can do. Number one thing that you can do to fix
your to to to improve your life and whatever it costs to do that would be priceless. Right.
And I don't know how much it costs. And I'm not and I saw what she was I've done a lot
of this stuff, how we love there's a bunch of different people who deal with attachment
theory. But I like how she integrated the neuroplasticity. I have never seen that. So
bringing neuroplasticity into healing that is is amazing. So I would encourage you look
watch last week. And if you're going to spend your bucks on something, you know, say I don't
know how much it is, but like it'd be money, money well spent investing in yourself. Yeah,
four months is a lot faster with a mentor. It could take you years and years to try to
figure it out.
out yourself. Yeah,
attachment theory. It's, I mean, like healing, some people
don't ever get free of it. So like, if you find somebody who's
really good at it, it's worth paying them to do it. Right? You
know, I don't know about you guys, are you gonna go to the
doctor that doesn't see anybody healed or the guy who is the
best in his thing, right? So you might, you know, you might pay
much more for the guy who actually is renowned and is
really good at what he does. But I want that guy working on me
versus somebody who's not very good at it. Yeah, right. You
know, and see and doesn't see see results.
And Christina also has a free 20 minute introduction. So like,
yeah. So when you like if you go on her website, if you meet
her, she does like a free 20 minute introduction, where
she'll get to know you and see if it's a good fit. And if not,
she'll refer you to somebody else who might be a better fit
for you.
That's exactly that's what I signed up for and did. Yeah.
So you guys so um, last week, just for who, like she said,
Hey, send your email and I'll send you the stuff. But not
ever. But she didn't get everybody's email. So David has
it and he was going to forward that email to ours in order
because I never got one as well. But that is something that I
really and even the worksheets that she was going to give us
are priceless. Right? I mean, really important. So I think so
but like you guys attachment theory, love language are the
two ways you connect are the way you feel and receive love.
And then the way you connect to people. Those are two of the
massive, those are the two fundamental things. And it's not
just romantic relationships. It's all relationships. So when
you heal and become secure, you're going to be secure, it's
going to improve every relationship in your life. So I
when I do my coaching, there's two books. The first one is the
love languages. The second one is how we love by the Milan aka
those are the two I use. But um, but after last week, I'm like,
well, I want to see what she's doing because it brings
neuroplasticity into so if you're not familiar with just a
quick overview, your brain has neural pathways. So like if
you're like I like that's why porn so addictive because it
makes this big old rut in your brain, right? But if you want to
get rid of that habit, you just have to develop a new
neural pathway. 21 days to start the pathway 64 to cement
it and the other one to go away. So in 21 days, you can have a
completely new brain with a completely new neural pathway.
64 days, you won't even remember the other pathway because it's
gone. That's because that's how God has wired the brain. So when
it comes to your it doesn't matter how many years how old
you are, and how bad your connection style is. In 21 days,
you can have a new neural pathway. And in 64, you can
have you can remember that no more. And so I'm really
passionate about this just because God made the brain to
heal. And that's one of the reasons why I do this. So um,
alright, so mandatory, mandatory watching last week if you didn't
see it anyways, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna ask
you know, I'm gonna ask you. But uh, sorry, I have a guy I'm
entering. He's having a really rough time right now. My phone's
blowing up. But um, so all right. Oh, event, the event is
sold out. But there are a couple of people who have tickets to
that they're not going to make it and like David was talking
right now. And you can do admin at JackieDorman.com. And if
you're looking for a ticket for the anniversary event this
coming weekend. Rene got ready. So we got like 15 minutes. Is
there anything I want to open the floor to anybody have any
questions, anything they want to
just real quick. Is there anyone that wants a ticket that don't
has one can make and can make it because I have to not make it
the last second. You know, so does anybody want to go the
anniversary event that doesn't have a ticket here?
Okay. All right. Okay. You know, David, thank you for offering.
That's amazing.
Yeah, it is David. Thank you very much. I would love to go
but I'm in the middle of my shift. And I'm up north so that
means I got to fly from up north down here and then fly to Texas
and fly back up north at my expense.
Yeah. Okay, thanks. Anything you guys are dealing with that you
want to get on the floor? And we can look at it. Joshua, what's
going on? What is the anniversary event? Is that just
in celebration of the 5th year anniversary? Right? Yeah. Last
year single and so
Mark, is it over like 2000 now? No, it's this this this group is five years old.
Oh, gotcha. And if I'm wrong, I'm toast.
Good opportunity to meet some of the other single women as well.
Yeah, I'm taking so it's gonna be a party. Yeah, it's gonna be a good time.
Let's see you and john be announcing a few new things for that's coming up the
near future as well to well, everybody's there. So you she'll mention that down the road. But
during that time, she's going to be mentioning a lot of new programs that are coming up for
couples that are married as well to that have gone through this program. And so that's going
to be something very something we're going to need after we're married to as well.
Oh, yeah, there's there's a just because you're not single anymore doesn't mean you don't need help.
Yeah, there you go. Josh, that's probably what you need the most help. But like,
sorry, like, you know, it's not like a Hallmark movie.
You know, yeah, like, you know, those are made by women, right?
Yeah, but I always joke it the Hallmark movies and then part twos on lifetime.
Yeah, it's wearing the wife beater and they're having all the problems.
Well, whoever meets in a week and just can't live without each other. And it snows at the
end all the time. But anyway, yeah, and like, yeah, and there's the old boy and they break
up with the old boyfriend because they met the new guy who's that's right. There's always an
issue somewhere. All right, Joshua, please save me. Please save me.
Um, yeah, so it's been a while since I've been kind of on. Hey, guys, just been busy with life
and busy with my girlfriend. I moved or I moved my house location. So I'm sorry,
I moved to a different home much closer to work. That happened right before October.
Really just spending almost every waking moment with my girlfriend.
But I'm really busy as a teacher as well. I just started that as my first year.
For me, I really need I feel like I'm supposed to start this 21 day thing.
So I really want to do that. I just been doing
just with maybe some heart stuff. I had an inner healing session earlier this month with a good
friend of mine who had done it before. And the Lord healed some stuff in there. I think what's
really just coming up right now is just I do. I know, for a fact that I want to marry this girl,
and she has stated the same towards me. We both fit very well. Personality wise,
our love language just really kicks. We're very good communicators. We're both physical touch. So
kind of funny. Kenton mentioned it mentioned it earlier. I think I'm just feeling a little bit of
stress or a lot of stress right now. Maybe it's the whole commitment thing. I don't know.
There could be healing in the attachment theory. For me that needs to take place. I've told
Christine's her name. I've told her that my heart has been healed with former women.
There's just a lot of stuff in my life right now that is going on or could just be adding to the
stress. So the stress. All right. Can we just look at that for a second? Yeah.
For me, when there's somebody who I'm marginally interested in or I don't see it really working
or it's a 60-40, it's not going to work or a 70-30. I'm like, yeah, no big deal. If this
doesn't work out, yeah, I'm all right. I want the 90-10. So when I get the 95-5, I'm like,
oh my gosh, there's something there. There's a thing where it's like, oh, this is legit
and this might work. I don't know how I feel about that. Is that kind of what you're feeling?
Hmm. I don't really know what I'm feeling to be quite honest.
One thing I've talked about with some of my new roommates,
really good men who love the Lord is, well, there's a
couple of things. Sorry, I'm not trying to go all over the place. It's just been a
while since I've talked to you guys.
And because of how fresh this relationship is, it's about two months.
We've known each other, you know, for about two and a half years.
We hadn't seen each other a while before we started dating,
but we just really feel like this is from
the Lord. But having said that, I want to make sure
me, like, am I good to go in terms of like going the next step?
I think that's just kind of like where maybe I'm feeling stressed. I feel like
it's going a little fast.
Sorry, am I not answering your question? So, well, okay, so
if you're feeling like it's fast, that's going to add stress,
right? So did you watch last week? Yeah, I watched.
So which side would you say you're on?
The anxious or the avoidant?
More so anxious. All right, yeah, it's interesting.
Why? Well, because usually I think there are moments when I'm
tempted to be avoidant. Well, for example, okay, I'll give an
example. She's really loved a lot on me,
and honestly, like, that is kind of new,
where I can tell, like, she actually really does love me.
And it's, like, fresh, and it's great. It's amazing. I found
that whenever I just am open to receive, that it goes great. Like, I'm not talking
too much. We're just having a moment. It's like
God made it to be, and it's just great. When I feel, but there are a lot of
moments where she's just loving on me, and then I just
talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, jabber, jabber, jabber, jabber.
And it's almost like I'm having issue just receiving the love sometimes.
I don't know if it's, like, an unworthiness thing. Well, that's a valid thing.
Yeah. Like, okay, so here, you guys, you haven't really been loved well your
whole life, and then somebody starts doing it.
There's things inside of you that are, like,
I don't know what's going on. This is amazing, but,
you know, it can freak you out, which is understandable, because you've never
really experienced it. And, like, and learning, and, like, it
sounds dumb to have to learn how to receive love, but, like,
for me, it's really hard, if I'm honest, right?
I'm really good at giving out, but I'm not really good at receiving.
And so I get a little freaked out and stressed out in those moments,
right? You know, Kenton, you got anything on that? Because I know you've seen a lot
of this. Yeah, I do. In fact, I don't mind. Thanks for...
I'll get to you in a minute. I'm sorry, Kenton. I joined the call a few minutes
late. What do you do? What I do now?
I just drive truck up north, but my past is,
I was a police officer, and I was a pastor slash counselor.
Nice, okay. So here's my thoughts. Are you, by chance,
Joshua, a people pleaser?
Yeah. Yeah, if you're a people pleaser, that's... I totally understand where you're
coming from. People pleavers give, give, give, but they
don't know how to receive. And the reason why they can't receive
is because there is immaturity in there, and I mean
in the purest sense, not in the sense of
mentality, but it's just, it's simply...
You need to fill in the spaces if there is quiet spaces. Is that
correct as well, too? Yeah. Yeah, because you don't like quiet.
And because of that, you don't like quiet.
We who are people pleasers, which I was
as well, Joshua, at Tennessee as well, too, so I understand this one,
is that we don't, we're uncomfortable with quietness because we are
uncomfortable with actually listening. It was intentioned to learn and to grow.
And, and we don't have a partner that can communicate,
and there's a lot of holes there. It's not saying that there's something wrong
with them, it's just that we need that constant communication, that
coming, coming at our with. We feel comfortable
when they can actually communicate well, and that's the thing.
Can they communicate well? Somebody can talk,
but if you're not communicating, there's two different, that's two different
stories there. Talk, you can have a lot of dead stuff
in it, but if you're actually communicating feelings,
your thoughts, you're communicating your desires and your hopes,
but leaving enough space in between to interact with each other is so
important. And if you're not receiving that, um, um, then that there's,
it's just a lot of empty air, somebody speaking, but they're not really
speaking anything that's of value in your life. And so being a people
pleaser, the reason why it's whole hard to receive, I found out it's
because I never received from God first. I couldn't receive, I kept
on trying to please him. And then never left my life open to his love
to simply receive. So for me, he had a corner me in one of our cabs at
work. Cause when I drive these 400 ton trucks and when it's raining, we
can't go anywhere with those things. So I stuck in it for 12 hours. So
the Lord actually cornered me and he said, will you let me love you?
And of course I said, Lord, you could, you could do anything you want.
You're God. And, and he says, no, no. Will you give me permission to love
you? There's a difference there is because God will never enter into
someplace where we, we cannot receive. I'll say that. God will never enter
into your life, into any area that you cannot receive because we've put
doors up of either fear or disappointment. Mine was disappointment.
I'm not loved a lot during my life. Never told much about being loved.
I married a woman who could not love for 36 years. And so all of a
sudden God's bringing this whole new thing called agape love. That's what
Peter had, by the way, he had a problem with problem with agape love.
He could take friendship love, but he couldn't take agape love. So he had
to learn to, I wouldn't be one's best right. Surprised he wasn't ADHD, but
anyway. So in that case here, you've got to be able to get before the
father and say, father, I gave you permission to love me, but I want, I
want that pure love. I want to be accepted. And then coming to realize
that he's going to love you. When we say unconditionally, it doesn't matter
what you screw up in his love stays the same. It's always the same. It
doesn't change. It's always a high love. Cause that's why he says how deep,
how long or why it is. But once you come to that, realize how much your
heavenly father loves you. So stinking much. It's like a father, you become
a father. And when your kids come as long as they screw up, you're still
going to love on them, but they're still afraid of you. And they don't,
and we don't want to be afraid of our heavenly father. We just want to be
able to say, father, I just need your love. And to be known that I love all
the time. So once that area of your life gets healed, you'll be able to
reach, be able to be healed or sorry, to receive love from her in a way that
it's going to wow you. It's really going to wow you. It's like, I never
knew I could be loved by a human being this way. So that's my thoughts for
that one, Josh.
Yeah, and watch your boundaries. Like, like, like that moment, like, it's,
yeah, boundaries are really important when you sit. And Kenton, thank you so
much. Because like, you know, people pleaser to, you know, I actually, that
actually helped me. So, you know, and, you know, my friends, like, Mike, you
just need to let guys love it. And I'm like, I am. And he's like, Yeah, no,
you're not.
What do you mean by boundaries? Can you expound on that?
So when you feel, let somebody love you well, for the first time, a lot of
times close flight. So just be careful in that thing. Because it's a really,
it can be really intense. I have a friend who was a pastor that made a big
mistake. And with another, they're married now, but it's a side sideline
their relationship for two years. Right? Because he had never really felt love
before. And she did that. And, you know, he just, they ended up in bed.
Right. And so I did like, that's why I say bound. So my car, my one caution is
just be careful with I mean, you have to be careful with boundaries
regardless, like when you're getting into emotional areas, when you get into
praying, the closer you get, the more the fire wants to get it out of the
fireplace, right. And so that's, that's, that's boundaries for anybody. The more
intimacy you have, and all the four, you know, like physical, emotional,
spiritual, and intellectual, the more you develop those, those relationship
areas, the more that you're going to want to connect physics, like the
physical side is going to want to come out. So I just say that as a heads up
because I wasn't aware of it. Yeah, and that didn't go super awesome as well.
But you guys can that was amazing.
We're at time. Anybody else before that want to jump at the end? Or I'll pray. I can pray.
I'll pray us out. But I'm proud of you all, you guys. Thanks for sharing your stuff, Joshua
and David and Kenton. And just like, and like, thank you for y'all for being here. David's
Mr. Wright. You had something to say?
Yeah, I just want to say, Josh, you are worthy of love. And yeah, man, it's been so cool.
I mean, I know I don't know you that well, but just getting to know you, and especially
when you shared your interview on the spotlight. I was so impressed. I was new in the program
and I was like, wow. And I remember praying. I was like, I wrote this in my journal. I
was like, God, like, thank you for changing his heart. But can you change my heart like
that? And so, yeah, you're worthy of love, man. I just want you to know that, like, this
girl is super lucky because you are one of one.
Thank you. Appreciate that. And honestly, Mike, thank you for that last thing you said
because I'll confess real quick. We did go, we didn't sleep together, but we got, we got
pretty intense the other day and I was just like, shoot. So that's another reason why
I'm trying to draw back close into the community. Shouldn't ever delve too far anyway, but thank
God it didn't get that far. But it was, but what you said is wisdom. And well, you know,
my number one regret with my ex, like my last relationship, my only relationship was
that I didn't wait and it destroyed my marriage. Like I wouldn't say it destroyed my marriage,
but it really tarnished it because I wasn't willing to hold out for another two months,
which was so stupid, right? It was too much before our wedding day and we went camping
and we played house and it felt really intimate and became really intimate. Right. And so
I just say be careful because the more you connect, the more you want to be, because
when you're dating and you're in those things, you're actually preparing for marriage and that's
how it's meant to be. That's why I'm not a huge fan of long engagements. Like, I mean, other than
if you're, I mean, in our age range, like all of us are pretty well set, right? You know, they're
either going to be good or bad. Like, you know, and if you match up well, but long engagements
lead to chances for blowing it. And now if you have a bunch of problems, long engagements are
great, but if you guys mesh well and you fit well, why postpone it? You know, that's, I don't know
what Jackie's official thing is, but like she said, you know what she says is terrible relationships
happen fast and God relationships happen fast, right? Jackie actually says, you know, if you're
going to have a long dating period, have a short, have a very short engagement time because it's,
you already know what you know, and don't linger it up because longer you linger, it's a physical
thing. You're tempted. The enemy will come and tempt you more to destroy that thing, which is
so precious is that time together. And you can actually have sex with your clothes on people.
Let's get into it. You can still grow. You know, your, your, your, your sex areas are going to be
wanting grinding each other. That is sex people. So just remember that your women need somebody
they're secure with that can protect them. You're a night. Okay. You're their night.
You need to protect them. And one of the codes of a night is to always take highly of others
more than themselves. And yeah. And when you do protect that, she does feel safe in the bedroom.
If you want her to not feel safe in the bedroom, have sex before marriage. Oh yeah. I mean,
in it, that becomes your guys' first, like, like that becomes your, her first impression in that
way. And something else as a counselor, I've counseled many young couples and the ones that
have slept with each other before marriage, they sort of just went into it. And they, they did,
as Mike said, they felt very disappointed on the honeymoon, but those that waited, they said it
was like a while. I mean, it was such a while because they chose to wait on even those who had
come to me that were having, that were already living together, became Christians living together,
still had children. I would say, listen to guys at this point here, just simply stop having sex
the next three months until you get married. And they agreed to, and when they came back to me
after the honeymoon, they says, you wouldn't believe when we're faithful in that one area,
the Lord just seemed to come into the room. And it was again, a while for them. They just,
and they loved each other even greater because there wasn't anything of a,
to make him guilty in so many words, guilt goes right into marriage. And that would be playing
on you. And the enemy will use that against you until you fully repent of it. When you fully
repent, give it back to him, but you don't want to ruin that night. And Ken, I love that point.
If you blown it stop and tell set it apart be set apart and then enjoy it again
But like don't go into marriage being guilty because you didn't make it I can tell you it's terrible
Right one of the like one of the top three regrets of my life
And I'm just being honest, you know, I share my crap with you guys
So you don't do the same stupid stuff that I do honestly
Right, you know like I don't want to share that. It's really kind of
It's not that's in repent, yes
Yes, and leave the way in that repentance to but gentlemen always the women's to take the thing and here's how you repent
You go to her and you don't stand over her. You don't even get at eye level you go to your knees
And you go before your knees humbling yourself before because you are a servant leader
And the way to do is as she sees that she's you're humbling herself and and she's looking down upon you
She doesn't feel like she's being looked on upon but other she's being lifted up and at that moment when you seek that forgiveness as I
Am what I what we did that's on me. I was supposed to be protecting you
I take full responsibility for this one and I'm asking you to decide will you forgive me for leading you in a way?
We shouldn't have gone and I will tell you from this point forward. We will guard each other's hearts
This is guarding your hearts. This is not just the body
It's your heart that you're guarding and in doing so when you
Literally seek that forgiveness you receive her forgiveness if you need that receiving back you pray together
giving it over to the Lord and
At that time, um, you just put the guards up after that and you literally lay down the law
This is we're not gonna be alone. We're not gonna be this night because it's a true etc
And if we feel like we're getting too hot
Let's separate in so many words
Say
Because the Lord always wants a repent of heart and he can restore anything that was stolen from you seven times
Amen, that's great. Wisdom. Just carry a bucket of ice-cold water wherever you go
Even at my age, it's it gets hot and steamy guys. Come on and so like
It's real guys, right?
Oh
Dude, it's so good guys, but you know, I'm so grateful for y'all. I'm really proud of y'all, you know, you're amazing and
So Lord Jesus, I just thank you for all these mighty men of valor
Lord help us to have good boundaries help us to make it to the finish line with our
Spirit mates and help us to lead them all and keep the marriage bed undefiled
What I pray you bring spirit mates for every man
If that who isn't on this like who doesn't have one on this call and the ones that do have one
I just pray that you would protect them and guide them and show them
next steps and get them into
Covenant Lord, but Lord, I just pray that Lord. We just right now if you guys want to pray with me Lord
I just give you permission to love me
Love me in every area of my life. So I just know Jesus
I give you permission to love me in every area of my life, and I receive your love in Jesus name. Amen
Love y'all. You guys are amazing. Go get it
Take care. God bless you guys