Hey, everyone, so glad to have you joining us tonight. I know we're going to have more
people popping on here. I just realized I hadn't sent out a reminder yet. So that is
my bad. I was like, where's the people and then the person that was supposed to let him
remind them to be here forgot. So I just sent that out. And I know more people will be joining
us but would love for our guests if they're able, Matt and Mandy, Ralph and Diana and
Brian to come on screen as soon as you're able. Awesome. Welcome. It's so good to have
you all Ralph and Diana. It's been a while but so glad to see you again. And Matt meeting
you for the first time tonight. I've heard a lot of great things about you through Mandy.
And I'm just excited to give you all an opportunity not only to share your love story, but we
have just found just since we've done this for years that it really inspires other people
to believe for their love story. And so thank you for being here with us tonight. The way
we're going to start it is I'm going to kind of just like prompt you guys every time we
ask a round of questions. And so right from the beginning, I'm going to ask you each one
of you in the couple to share for about five minutes about just how did God bring you together,
some personal testimony points, what were some things you even went through that you
feel led to share tonight before you met each other? How did if you were in our program,
how did Jackie's coaching and last year's single help you? If you weren't a part of
our program, that's totally okay. But what did God lead you to do to heal to prepare
for your spirit mate that you're now sitting with tonight. And so that's where we're going
to start first. And again, just whatever you feel led to share. And I will start with Matt
and Mandy first, and then I'll come over to Ralph and Diana, and we'll kind of go in
that cycle. All right, so I'm going to pass it over to Matt and Mandy, whichever one of
you want to share first is totally fine.
So I was a part of Jackie's program. And I was one of the OGs I had been around not since
the very beginning, but I think she was like maybe six months in by the time that I joined.
And I think one of the biggest things that had to happen for me was really working on
the non-negotiables from heaven and getting, letting go, breaking off some of the lies
that I was believing or letting go of some of the things that I didn't know I was holding
on to. And I remember one time on a supernatural Saturday back when we, it was more interactive.
He asked like, you know, sort of like what's coming up for you or what are you hearing
Holy Spirit saying? And I can remember then. So just a small caveat, my, I was married
for 20 years and then went through a really amicable divorce, but the 20 year marriage
or 25 year relationship was really rocky. And I have six children from that marriage.
And I was married to a, an African-American man. And with that, with having mixed kids
had been treated poorly and different times by white men and realized through a supernatural
Saturday that I was sort of holding all white men responsible for the issues or the things
that had happened to the kids and I. And so in my mind, one of my non-negotiables was,
I just wasn't willing to take a chance to date someone who wouldn't accept my children
being that they were half black. And I just didn't trust that. I just didn't trust that
white men would, that there would be a white man that could take care of us and love us
for who we are and whatever. But obviously God had other plans. And so, and so for years
on the dating apps and off the dating apps and things like that I just did not date anyone
that was white. And I didn't realize that that was like a huge stumbling block for me.
And when I admitted it in that supernatural Saturday, I think what I said was not every
white man is racist and not every black man is abusive. And I had to break off of that
lie that I was telling myself and agreeing with in order to be able to move on. And that's
really when I think heartwork kicked in to high gear. And I really made a lot of progress
doing that work is what I think prepared my heart to receive love from Matt, I would not have
been able to. Actually, we almost canceled our first date on each other. I almost canceled our
first date solely because he's white. And I was like, Where is this even gonna go? I got a lot
going on. I'm done with the apps. I'm done with dating, like, and, but because I have integrity,
and I wanted to stay inside of integrity to myself and to God, I've followed through and
went on a date. And anyway, in eight, eight months later, we celebrated our
eight months of knowing each other on our honeymoon. So it was great.
Okay, your turn.
Yeah, that's why when I first met one of our bonus daughters, when she saw me, that's what her
comment was, Mom, he's so white, he's pink. And not knowing the context of what Mandy came
through, again, not thinking of, of, I guess, not thinking of race in general. I was like,
I was like, Well, I suppose but anyway. Boy, I came from I came from being before I met Mandy,
like she said, we almost canceled on our on our first meet date. I had come from seven years of
trying to reconcile reconcile with my ex wife or my previous in my previous marriage.
I'm not even being separated. So we were separated for a total of seven years. And
because I thought I was doing the the godly thing by staying and didn't realize that
my previous spouse apparently had no intentions of reconciling. I'm a slow learner, I guess.
And so, but I say that because I and I don't mind the seven years of trying to reconcile because
I literally wanted to do everything in my power. And I didn't want to be one of these
people that didn't put an effort to reconcile. But it turns out this that that wasn't
God's plan. I mentioned that then because
I thought in my heart of hearts that God would answer the prayer of reconciliation with my
previous spouse. And when God, in my mind, God did not answer that prayer. So then I had the
attitude of fine, I shall do what I want. If you're not going to come through for me, God, then I shall
I'm not gonna I don't lose. I didn't lose my belief in God. I didn't lose. I'd still love
Jesus. But I was like, I'm gonna love Jesus and then try and live my life my own way.
That was horrible. That was a horrible decision.
And then basically, that led to a basically a three year relationship that I knew wasn't
right. I was never content in it. Holy, it just the constant conflict was there. And then so when
Mandy came along, I had by that time made a decision that I needed someone who loved Jesus
not claim to just be a Christian, and not just went to church. But I knew at that point, I need
needed someone who loved Jesus. And then I met Mandy, who loves Jesus.
Yeah, this is so good. I'm gonna have other things that I would love to pull out
of your story before we go over to Ralph and Diana.
Um, Matt, did you also have children? Do you also have children?
I have a 15 year old daughter.
So Matt has one kiddo, they now obviously bonus child to Mandy. Mandy brought six kids into the
marriage. So they are a blended family for sure. And so we will touch a little bit on that because
I know we have a lot of people that you know, are really wanting to know how God helps our couples
now.
the gate, some of that. But also just thank you for your
transparency and what you shared. You know, a lot of us go
through ups and downs of like, what is it like when God doesn't
answer the specific prayer that we're asking? Right? And that
can be tough. I always say that about the relationship I had
right before, you know, I took a sabbatical from dating
altogether. And I begged God to nudge him to marry me and praise
God that that did not happen because he wasn't a healthy
person. And God knew that. And so we believe in God defended
in this community. And I believe that's what God was doing for
you, Matt. So thank you for sharing that part of your story.
So be prepared when I come back just to kind of give us a little
bit of an idea of what has it been like blending your family,
um, you know, whatever you that it could be just fun stuff, or
you can share if there's been any little things that God is
having, like helping you all work through to, you know, as
you've already shared the realness, you know, however,
you'll feel led to share there. And then we'll just keep talking
through your your love story, so people can get to know you more.
But going to go over to Ralph and Diana and have you all share
a little bit again, about five minutes or so a piece, just to
kind of give us an understanding of how you guys came together,
you know, and again, what was God doing in your lives before
he brought you together? I will say so Ralph and Diana were both
in last year single, they were both people that were a part of
our program before they met. So there is that component here as
well, where Matt and Mandy, Mandy was in the program, Matt
wasn't, but y'all know how it goes. Once one of us is in the
community, most of us, the other person ends up being a part of
the communities to some degree. Brian has learned that haven't
you Brian? He's here tonight, having fun with us. All right,
Ralph and Diana would love to hear what you have to say
tonight.
Sure, ladies first. Oh, okay. All right. Thanks. Thanks. This
one already. So yeah, I came to Jackie's program through hearing
her on a podcast. And at that point in my life, I had been
divorced about six years ish. Dating was a nightmare. Even
dating Christian men was generally a nightmare. So it
wasn't it was kind of like what Matt said, you know, there's a
lot of name only Christians out there. And that was very
dissatisfying and frustrating. So when I heard Jackie talking
about how she does things and listening to the Holy Spirit,
and, you know, shedding stuff, when the Holy Spirit highlights
it, and I was like, this girl has something else that I have
not heard anyone else talk about. So I was like, in because
I knew, I knew in my heart of hearts that God had something
for me, like another, you know, I was hoping he would let me
remarry. You know, so I was all in. And then I did was going
through the heart work. And then actually, at that time, there
was he said, she said, which was, you know, kind of like
zoom like this, but the ladies got to ask the guys bunches of
questions. And Ralph was close to Jackie. And so he was sort of
acting like a facilitator for her. And, you know, so we're on
a zoom call like this, and I see him and I was like, Whoa, who's
that? And I wasn't really that kind of person. Like, I it's
kind of funny that Matt and Mandy are here with me and
Ralph, because my I never was attracted to black men, you
know, some, some people, that's a thing, like, that's what
they're always attracted to, for me, it never was a thing. And
so I'm looking at this, and I'm like, what, I am so drawn to
this guy. And you know, it was like his way he speaks, and he's
very, like calming, and he has this great presence about him.
But, you know, he lives in Austin, Texas, and I live in New
York State in upstate New York, like, yeah, how's that ever
gonna work? So, um, but we had an app back then. And so I had
reached out to one of the leaders, Cassandra was kind of
running it then and said, How do you use this app thing to like
reach out to people? And anyway, I sent him this, you
know, just kind of very light touch message, you know, I
really like, you know, your presence on the zoom calls is
just really stable. And it's so and he was like, Thank you, or
thanks with a smiley like this. Okay. Um, yeah. Yes. So I, I, I
got some time passed, and then I reached out to him again, like a
kind of Jackie, I don't know if she still uses this, like
dropping the hanky, you know, you're sort of giving them a
hint, because sometimes guys don't get it. And I said, Hey,
you know, if you ever want to talk more, I'd like to, you
know, get to know you. And he basically was, you know, still
doing his hard work, you know, maybe I'll reach out to you,
blah, blah, blah. And I
I'm just going to, so I have a lot of this in my journal.
I'm a journaler and I've always been a journaler.
And so, and this one I actually bought specifically
when God started really speaking to me
about who my husband was going to be, him.
So there's, it's cool to go back and read it now.
So let's see, what else?
What else is pertinent to this story?
Well, I can tell mine.
So how did you get to a place
where you were thinking about being remarried?
Were you married before?
Oh yeah, I said that already, that I had been, of course.
Well, here's, but here's the cool part.
So, and this is why the hard work and community
to me are so incredibly important because, you know,
here I am, I'm like, I think I'm attracted to him.
Like, and I was trying to do what Jackie said,
like, you know, talk to other people, go on, you know,
like low commitment dates, low stakes dates, whatever,
to see what you like, to kind of learn how to date,
to practice, whatever.
But then you came around, you came back around and said,
oh, Jackie issued this challenge.
There's this seven dates challenge.
So would you like to do a Zoom call?
And-
Because I couldn't get anybody to date in person.
Even though Jackie said there's thousands of women
in Austin, Texas, none of them were apparently
interested in me.
So all of these dates I did on Zoom.
So I had, so I-
Go ahead.
So we had our date.
Well, you gotta tell a little bit about yourself first.
Okay, so I was married for 38 years.
My wife passed away from cancer.
And so when I got ready to start dating again,
I was actually in another program called
the One University.
I did like two sessions, two rounds of that.
Similar to Jackie's program, but not,
it didn't have the supernatural component.
So I got to know Jackie through her daughter, actually.
I was part of the worship community in Austin
and there was a group called Heart of David.
And so apparently, I didn't know this,
but Reagan was telling Jackie,
oh, you gotta find somebody for this guy, Ralph.
And so I went to house church at their house
and got to know her and got in the program.
And so I was in the first like men's,
the men's heart work with the,
like with the male edited heart work book and everything.
So I was in the middle of the heart work
when Diana first reached out.
And so I said like, after we're done with the heart work,
because you're not supposed to do any kind of dating
during that, we'd talk.
So we had our date, our virtual date,
and which it's kind of funny.
The first one was cut very short
because she had forgotten that she told her daughters
that she would go to the gym with them.
And so we talked for, and now that I live with this woman,
I totally, I totally understand.
That should have been a dead getaway right there.
She over schedules herself.
I can't relate to that at all.
So we had this call for 30 minutes.
It was a nice call and it was scheduled a second call.
And in the second call, now I, so I've got four kids.
They're all grown.
I mean, grown, grown.
I've got grandkids.
Not interested in marrying somebody
with kids at home at all.
And not interested in, wasn't interested
in moving from Austin at all.
I was never moving back to the North again.
I moved to Texas from Michigan and no.
So we talked and she's a worship person.
And so we had that in commons.
We talked about a lot of things.
And while we're talking,
I would see these little heads peeking in the door
and like her kids were coming in the room
like crawling behind the bed.
Cause apparently they wanted to see the dog and which.
Nosey, they wanted to know who I was talking to.
But they do love it.
They're not that little, but they're very sweet.
Yeah, they're not little at all.
So yeah, so I'm like, who is that?
And, oh, I've got, I've got.
got four kids at home. And I'm like, okay, nope. But it was a
really good conversation. And and so when I talked to Jackie
afterwards, she asked me how it went. And I said, Well, you
know, she's got kids and she lives in New York. But I think I
have another friend. I just I made another friend. Um, we kept
talking. And I had told her I think in that second day that
hey, if you're ever in Austin, let me know and I'll carve out
some time to you know, to go do something because she said I was
I sounded like I was really busy. She got sent Yeah, I got
to tell this. Okay, you go. I gotta tell this part because
this is the supernatural part. So my boss had kept saying to
me, I'm going to be sending you to Austin, I'm going to be
sending out like, and I thought, Oh, I'm going to get to meet
Jackie in person. Like that was my idea of going to Austin. Well,
then I started talking with him. And then Jackie got on one time
just kind of one of those times, you know, she just gets on like
live and tells starts talking about something. And she was
saying if you have clothing from a previous relationship or any
like mementos, you really should get rid of them. And you know, I
don't even remember what particular reason, but it was
just kind of like get rid of anything associated with a
former relationship. And I had like a couple of sweaters and a
plant or something and was like, Oh, let me just get rid of those
this weekend. I am not kidding you like that was on a Saturday.
I think she did that or Friday night. Saturday, I got rid of
them. Monday, my boss is like, Oh, I'm sending you to I need
you to go to Austin like next week. And I was like, Okay, this
is weird. She's been telling me this for months and months,
nothing happens. I suddenly get rid of all this other stuff. And
now I'm actually going to get to meet him in person. And so he
that's how we got to meet in person, which really changed
everything. Yeah. Because God had already been speaking to me
now. And I don't recommend this for everybody. God had already
been speaking me that he was going to be my husband, but I
never said that to him. I never was good was up. No, no, that I
knew like that was it was all in my journal. I kept it in my
journal. And I said, Lord, if this is you, you're gonna have
to do it. I'm not chasing this guy. I'm not throwing myself at
this guy. Like, if this is your will, you have to do it. And so
it was crazy, because all of a sudden, I'm going to Texas and
I'm like, Okay, this is interesting. So but this is
where the community part comes in so important. So there were
other people in the community that came. So I got to Austin.
And then Ralph called me and said, Hey, we're all a bunch of
us are going to go to a bowling alley and whatever, blah, blah.
So I get there and it's Ralph on a date with someone else from
the community. Because you know, low stakes dating, right? And
he I'm his friend. I'm nobody at this point. That's a friend, and
two other couples from the community. So I'm sitting there
and I'm like, Okay, this is interesting, Lord, what are you
doing? And I'm watching him interact with this other young
lady, perfectly fine young lady. No, I don't have anything
against her. It was kind of weird, because we looked similar
and our names were similar to so that was like, Okay, this is
odd. Anyhow. Um, so I go through this whole, like, you know,
dating situation where he's on a date with someone else. And I'm
there as the seventh wheel. And so I'm like, Okay, but somebody
walks in her name is Ebony. She was in the program. And I just
thought I knew her like she and he goes, Oh, there's Ebony. And
I'm like, I know Ebony. So I'm like, she comes and sits next
to me. And then this is like, we were having dinner before we
went bowling. And so then I'm like, I'm supposed to be going
on a date with him tomorrow. And she goes, Oh, you are. And I
go, Yeah, so this is the situation right here is pretty
awkward for me. She goes, Oh, just hang out with me, blah,
blah, blah. Well, then after this evening, I literally went
back to my hotel room and cried. Because I'm like, What, Lord,
what are you doing? You bring me here to Austin, and I got to sit
there and watch him on a date with someone else like what is
going on. And Ebony was texting me. And she's like, Listen,
Ralph is a good guy. He never would have put you in that spot
like knowingly he just, you know, is probably being polite
inviting you out, blah, blah, blah. So I was like, Okay,
whatever. I get back to my hotel room, I hit my knees. And I'm
like, Okay, Lord, what are you doing? And no, I'm not lying. I
don't make things up. My husband will tell you I don't make
things up. God said to me, you need to give him a break.
What?
He said he doesn't know what he's doing. You need to give him
a break. And I'm like, Okay, so I got done crying. And I was
like, Okay, I have no idea what's going on here. So the
next morning, he calls me, gives me the most beautiful apology
I've ever heard in my life. And my former husband was abusive.
He never
could apologize. He was never wrong. He never did anything
wrong. And so to have Ralph apologize to me for something
that he didn't intend didn't mean to hurt my feelings didn't
mean to make me uncomfortable. I was like, Wow. And by the same
token, though, I said, Well, yeah, it was uncomfortable for
me. It was awkward. But like, I get it. We're all trying to
figure this out dating at this age, which is just generally
awkward. And, you know, we're all trying to figure it out,
kind of like trying to use what the Lord told me. And so,
and her accepting my apology, like my first wife, I could
never I apologize, everything was always my fault. And I could
apologize, but she would punish me for a while until she was, I
don't know, just done with it, or felt that I had suffered
enough. So the fact that Diana graciously accepted my apology
that actually made me take notice and have more interest,
which is I know that sounds odd, but that's that was a really a
really a quality that I hadn't even considered how much I
valued that. And through that, through my social faux pas, that
was that was revealed for both of us.
Well, I feel like God set you both up, honestly, you know,
listening to how this unfolded, I didn't even know that part of
your all story. So it's really awesome to hear. I know that
must have been awkward. But the fact that a you're willing to
listen to what God was saying to you, Diana about Ralph, and
Ralph, that you were willing to call her and apologize, which
I'm sure the Lord prompted you to do. Y'all, this is really
key. So I want people to dial into this. When the Lord says
stuff to us, you know, we should follow through on that, because
we might not understand fully why he's doing things the way
he's doing or, you know, the timing that he brought you all
together. But it sounds like you all received something in
that moment, through that conversation, and that
experience that you both needed. And it doesn't sound weird,
Ralph, that that is something that then illuminated her to
you a little bit more. Because what I hear is trust was being
built, right, right there. So I love that we're gonna circle
back. Okay, so be ready. Diana, when I come back, you mentioned
that, you know, before you weren't open to dating, you
know, men that were African American black men. And so I
want to hear what were some of the lies that you had to also
process, like Mandy talked about, that, you know, you let
go of, so that you could be open to Ralph. And then Ralph, also,
you didn't want to date someone more with kids, you didn't want
to move, which I can totally relate to. And I actually said,
I didn't want to move north again. So I think it's so funny
that you said the same thing. And we both moved more north for
a while. But now I'm really south, praise the Lord. But um,
yeah, just be ready to kind of talk about how did God help you
let go of those items on your list, so that you could receive
Diana as your spirit mate. So when we come back, I just want
you all to be prepared that we want to hear about that a little
bit. So Matt and Mandy, circling back to you all, would love to
hear a little bit about your blended family. How's that
going? How is God? You know, what are the ups? And what are
the, you know, maybe learning little, I don't want to call
them obstacles. But you know, those things that we go through
when we have blended family? How's that looking for you? How
is it going? Whatever you feel led to share?
It's not for the faint of heart.
Well, and we are trying to blend a family with three teenage
girls. So five of my six are girls and Matt's daughter is a
girl. So we have six daughters and one son living in our house.
Most of my kids are older. But living in our house, we have my
son who's 19. And then basically three 16 year old girls.
Um, yes, Ralph, I get you. I Yep, that's exactly how most
people respond. It's how we respond as well. So it can get
dicey at times. But I think I think that I have really
received the gift of seeing how God can use you and someone
else's life. Um, so I, although I have a
a lot of things in common with Matt's first wife.
I'm also very different from her.
And so I think Matt's daughter
really appreciates the differences.
Like she likes that I cook a lot or, you know,
I don't know, things like that.
So, but navigating,
kind of like what Diana said,
dating or getting married at our age is just tough.
I mean, we're all set in our ways.
Matt talks about the culture,
the kids and I have a culture, you know,
we've been together forever.
And so there are like unwritten rules or expectations
or things that we just automatically do.
Even something simple as like,
as soon as we're done eating,
we put our dishes in the dishwasher.
I have to have that system
because I had 213 at a litter of children, right?
Like I, and so even something small like that,
but like one of the twin,
one of my twins just gravitated toward Matt
almost immediately.
And watching that relationship
has really been a blessing to me
because I can see how God uses,
I joke that I fail my kids 77 ways
before 7 a.m. on a given day.
And so seeing how God has used Matt
to fill in the gaps where the kids,
where my ex-husband has failed,
or maybe God is using me to just,
just maybe some more insulation or fill in gaps that,
you know, where Evelyn's mom maybe is just different
or has failed her.
It just is amazing to me to see that God is,
really does have a plan and he's orchestrating everything,
but there have been rough days.
I mean.
Well, and we are still even, we're navigating that.
And it's interesting that this is a conversation,
the whole culture piece of it,
because Evelyn, my daughter,
so I was in a home,
basically a three-bedroom bachelor pad
that my daughter visited every other week.
So that means that things got put in the dishwasher
when I was out of dishes or that,
and there was, and I took pride in like,
sometimes like if you, if I had a water bottle
or we were the pop bottle or something,
if one of the plastic,
I took pride in showing my daughter that
I would throw it in the general direction of the trash can
and then pick it up along the way,
maybe that day or the next day.
So, so that was the culture in which,
not saying I'm a good father at all,
but it was this whole,
I saw my house as kind of a retreat for my daughter.
Again, I still was a good father.
I mean, anyway, I still did fatherly things,
but I was, I wanted to show that, hey,
maybe I wasn't, anyway, but the culture was,
the culture was more kind of a relaxed environment
and the idea that we'll get to the dishes
when we get to them.
Again, there are pros and cons to that.
Mandy would see maybe mostly cons, but,
so then we're navigating through this
and we just kind of, things came to light
because we're like,
just the things that Evelyn has said or that,
because another thing is that sometimes Evelyn and I
would stay up late and if we would watch a movie
and I'd be like, all right, let's,
and even though I had to get up to work,
we'd stay up late.
This household, I think Jenna goes to bed at eight
and Caden's at nine and I think Evelyn would come down
and get something to eat and she's like,
are they seriously in bed?
Like it had, the evening hasn't even started for Evelyn.
So it truly is, and we are, I mean,
so we are currently navigating just the,
not even the aspects of like these major issues,
but like really a culture difference.
So Evelyn now sees me as like, dad,
you put like dishes in the dishwasher every time.
I'm like, oh yeah, cause you know, that's what I do.
And Evelyn's.
She's probably like, what happened to my dad?
This is insane.
And I'm like, mom, I'm buried.
Anyway, so we are currently navigating,
and I don't know.
I mean, we're in the midst, so.
I'm loving this so much.
But it's also been so good.
Like, so because my kids are older,
my kids are 28, 23, 21, 19.
The twins are 16, Evelyn's almost 16
at the end of this month.
So my big girls, Evelyn has been homeschooled.
And so it's just a totally different thing for her.
And so my, but she wanted to like go shopping
or try to find some fashion
or her own sense of self and fashion.
And so my big girls came around her.
Of course they were like, give us the money.
And then, you know, we live really close to an outlet mall.
And so they spent the whole day and they had lunch
and they went shopping and they just really built her up.
And so be like, that's the fruit, right?
Like that's the fruit of the hard.
The detail and the detail.
So my daughter, Evelyn was wearing sweatpants
for the last, I don't know, three years,
like literally only sweatpants.
And I tried as a father to,
are you wanna try a pair of jeans or anything else?
Do you, we're going to, anyway.
So my bonus daughters really took her under their wing
and she came back with two pair of jeans.
And I'm telling you, the miraculous
of having two older sisters where Evelyn was able to,
I mean, as a dad who then sees it, I mean, anyway,
that piece of it has been amazing for Evelyn, just amazing.
And I think the key thing is we worked
with Jackie really early on.
So when we started dating and we knew very quickly
that this was going to lead to marriage,
we scheduled the time to work with Jackie to say,
what does this look like going forward?
Jackie was amazingly insightful,
asked us really good thought provoking questions.
Gave us homework, you know,
and then Simbas really helped with that too.
But meeting with Jackie, having known
that she has blended a family, although they were little,
so it's a little bit different than blending a bunch
of humans who are already their own person.
It was just really helpful for her to challenge us.
Like, what is it going to look like when this happens?
And, you know, do you have amicable other parents?
And if not, what does it look like when that happens
or this, or, you know, tell me, like, walk me through that.
And so having those strategies, people say all the time,
you need to have a united front, this and that, right?
Well, like, that's great in theory.
And you're like, yeah, of course
we have to have a united front.
But what you don't realize is that you are very protective
of your kid, and it doesn't mean
that you can't love someone else's,
a child that you didn't birth.
My 28 year old, I did not birth her, but raised her.
And you wouldn't know she wasn't mine.
Most people don't.
So my point is, I love Evelyn to pieces,
but what we have found is like, whoa,
sometimes we even have to say, we're on the same team.
We have to remind each other that,
because the enemy, he will just like work offenses
that aren't even there.
Because there is something to these older where,
where I found myself very protective of Evelyn.
Even though as a father, I saw things where I'm like,
where I needed to discipline or coach, but it was,
and I've seen it with Mandy where,
without her even realizing sometimes,
she's been very protective of her children.
And so it is, that is a natural thing that we,
again, we navigate.
We're in the kind of the recognition stage of that,
because you don't think, again,
I love my bonus kids like crazy and Mandy loves Evelyn.
But it is interesting.
It is interesting navigating
what we say about each other's kids.
Yes.
Now remind us, I forgot to ask you guys.
So Ralph and Diana,
let everyone know when we come back to you two,
how long have you been married, Matt and Mandy?
Well, we got married May 23rd.
So however many months that is.
Yeah.
Six?
June, July, August, September.
Years.
About five months.
months. Yeah, five months. And so these are the reason I love
that this is coming out tonight in the way that it did from the
dishes. And you know, that aspect of what you brought up. I
joke a lot. And, you know, when we went through Simbis, one of
our hot topics was chores, you know, and it really has been I
mean, not that we fight over it, but just it has been a hot
topic, hot topic for anyone that hasn't gone through Simbis. It's
just like the areas where you're most likely to probably
have an issue with each other. But also just what you guys are
sharing about the kids. And I think that there are times where
we don't realize we are in behaviors and patterns. And
those aren't bad. But to merge families together, even, you
know, to share a little bit about our stories, and Brian,
I'll, you know, come to you too, because I know people are asking
to hear from you. So I want to make sure that you have a chance
to share as well. But just when I came into Brian's life, I have
a stepson from my prior marriage who was literally like I was not
allowed to see him when I filed for divorce from that point
forward. So I have not seen him since he was 10. But I raised
him from baby to 10. Like I was with him all the time, his
mother moved away at one point. So I was his main parent and
caregiver. In addition to his dad, I have two spiritual
daughters, and then Brian has two biological daughters as
well. And so totally understand now his daughters live in
California, and my spiritual daughters live in Kentucky. And
so we actually have not we've been married three years, and
our kids haven't met yet. And because his kids couldn't come
in for our wedding. So even though my girls were in the
wedding, and so that's something that we're still praying about,
like, what is that going to look like? And so, you know, the
things that you all are talking about are very real. And things
that people need to be thinking about that do have children. I
would love for those in our community be think that are
hearing this, whether you're here live or watching the
replay, to really start, like looking at what are the things
that you're not willing to let go of? And is it really that God
is asking you to keep those things? Are you just keeping
those things on your list? For example, I'm just thinking about
the fact like, you know, Matt had a bachelor pad. I mean, he
was living a bachelor life. That makes sense. When I, you know,
when I met Brian, same thing, even though he's pastor, he's
got this house and he's living by himself. And y'all, it's, it
is really cute when you're dating and you come and you
don't think anything of it when there's dishes and, but then
it's a whole different story once you're married and those
dishes are in your sink, from my perspective. And so, again,
I'm just kind of making light, but there are things where you
have to, it just changes the game. And so learning how to
not like create molehills out or mountains out of molehills,
however you say that. And just really not like you said it so
well, Mandy, not allowing offense to take root and come
in and create bigger problems in the marriage when we're a
team. And if we have each other's back, things are going
to go really great. Once we start dividing, that's when
things will start to fall apart. So Brian, people are wanting so
Ralph and Diana, I'll come to you. But a couple people were
asking a little bit about our story. And so would love for you
just to share just from your perspective, kind of like also
anything that like relates to some of the core of like what's
coming out in their stories might be helpful to if you can
think of anything in particular.
Yeah, I mean, so just be more specific, like how we met and
how we kind of connected or,
that's great, or whatever, you know, things that we've learned
even about, you know, I think it'd be great to touch on the
first time you met Olivia and how that went. If you remember,
yeah, I think that would be good. And how we navigated
through that as a couple Olivia, for those of you that don't know
is my youngest spiritual daughter. So when I say
spiritual daughter, I dated their dad for way too long, but
I've been in their lives, I think 10 years now I fought, I
fought for that relation, those relationships. And so we're
still very close. But yeah, so whatever you feel led to share,
it's totally fine.
That's great. I think part of the challenges with our blending
is with Bethany situation, Olivia, she had experience
through her parents, both her, her dad and her mom, just
constantly rotating people in and out of their lives. So kind
of when I came in the scene, I think the challenge was not
being seen as just kind of a revolving person. So obviously,
a lot of grace there, and I didn't try to push anything, you
just kind of try to, you know, just be
yourself and interact.
So, it's still coming,
but definitely a lot farther than it was.
I think at first,
I kind of felt like sometimes I wasn't always there.
I mean, she loved on Bethany
and I was just kind of like the other guy in the room,
if you will.
So, but getting to know her and Michaela,
the other daughter,
it's fun last time she was out,
she did a visit and we kind of sat
and like watched NASCAR together.
So, I almost wondered if Bethany was getting jealous
because we were starting to hang out
and watch cars and kind of hang out a little bit.
And so, I was eating that up as well.
Part of my challenge too,
was, you know, through my first marriage,
when we got, I got divorced,
my ex-wife changed the narrative
and gave a lot of false information to my girls.
So, it created a big divide distance for us.
Bethany mentioned earlier,
they weren't, they didn't come to our wedding.
And that was kind of a hard thing too.
But now that they're older,
and I wanna encourage people too,
that may be going through this.
People always told me when they get older, they'll see it.
And that was always hard to hear
because when you're going through it
and your kids are distanced because of lies
or false information, it's a hard thing.
But you know what, both of my girls are coming around.
They wanna hang out with me
and they see the truth of the matter.
And so, there's a lot of healing there too.
So, when I was able to hang out with Olivia
and Mikayla, to me, that was just precious.
That was good.
It was healing for me as a dad too,
that had distance with my girls at the time.
But yeah, I'm excited to the opportunity.
We talked about maybe vacations,
future, getting them all together.
I say that now, but I don't know,
it might be kind of a drama show.
I don't know, but they're also different.
They're a wide spectrum.
But at the same time,
that's part of the fun of family, right?
Just having the stories
and seeing how everybody mixes together
and how they connect with each other, so.
Yeah, and I remember, on the flip side of that,
so the first time Brian's youngest daughter,
Cassid came to visit and she stayed with us for a few days.
Maybe it was on her second visit,
but I just remember how much of an honor it was
as I had an opportunity to talk to her.
God, I feel super blessed to even say this out loud,
but God used me to open the door
for Cassid and Brian to have a really important conversation
that they had never had up to that point.
And so I went out on the patio
and just hung out by the fire by myself
and they had this amazing time to talk.
And so the reason I bring that up is kind of,
Brian brought up kind of an interesting point.
I was used to having Mikayla and Olivia's full attention
anytime they were with me.
And so, yeah, of course it is an adjustment
when the other person is starting to connect with them,
but hopefully that we don't feel jealous.
Hopefully we feel happy about that.
So when I went outside to the fire,
I didn't feel like,
oh, he's spending time with his daughter now.
It was like, yes, God, you're doing this.
I feel it, this is awesome.
And just really praying for them
while I was sitting out there
and just seeing what God was doing.
And since then she's come
and she's stayed several times with us.
We don't talk like all the time, her and I,
but I know that she trusts me and that's a huge win.
We're still working on-
He's even talking about moving out to Florida now too.
I know.
And so his oldest daughter,
we're still kind of working on that,
that God's doing some really awesome stuff there.
So I wanna encourage those of you that aren't sure,
even how things are gonna turn out with your own children,
let alone maybe someone else's children that you might meet,
that you would just pray and really trust the Lord
and surrender those relationships to him fully
because he does, God does the best work.
He really, really does.
Brian, thanks for sharing that.
So Ralph and Diana, I wanna come back to you
and just have you all share a little bit
about what I was saying,
but also let everybody know how long you've been married.
It'll be three years, December 2nd.
Yeah, so it's been a minute.
And we're still, I mean, it's not like the five month mark,
but we're still working out all of those things
because I moved here.
And so Diana had everything established
and all of those little house rules were established
and I had my own house rules, which are different.
than her house rules. So we've been working through that. And it's all, for me, those things,
like I recognized early on that, you know, I need to be, and I am adaptable in general,
I need to be adaptable because, you know, this house, the way that it functions,
this is what she's known for how many years, 10 years? In that same house? Yeah. 15. Yeah,
for 15 years. And this is what her kids know. So, you know, I don't need to come in and
change a bunch of stuff and demand that things be done right just because I do them the right way.
Um, so yeah, so for me, it was really just like adapting. And, you know, there were some things
that we had to work through, like dishes is a great example of that, like, I can't, I can't
handle dishes sitting in the sink. And for me, you know, you guys talked about taking your stuff
from the table and putting it for me, you go to the sink, you wash your dishes, you put them away.
And that's, you're done. And yeah, like, not even in the dishwasher, he's got a hand washer,
I'm gonna put them away, which drives me nuts. Well, you know, when there's when there's just
two of us, I don't see any points to me that the dishwasher is just just procrastination. So
but but those kinds of things, you know, those can be those can turn into
Yeah, big issues, but it's not a big issue. No, oh, my gosh. Well, that's the thing. So you can
tell he's very humble, right? He puts up with a lot of things, my kids were mean to him,
they would basically ignore him, or they were just straight up mean. And, you know, because,
and my kids didn't come to our wedding, because similar to what Brian was sharing,
they had been, there was a lot of programming that was going on about me and how terrible my
choices always are, and blah, blah, blah. So of course, me getting married to this guy,
nobody knows is a terrible idea, and whatever. So and Ralph's children are grown. And so one of his
sons was able to come to our wedding. But the other ones actually liked me. So that was good.
But our kids have never met, really. Not yet. No. So yeah, so then he comes in, he moves into
the house after the wedding, and they're mean. And so it was, it was a lot, but he never reacted
to them. And I think sometimes, and we have girls, I have three girls and a boy. My son actually
didn't talk to me for a very long time. That's been since resolved, God took care of that. But
my girls were there, and they were not very nice. But I think they were testing him.
I think they were trying to drive me away. They really did.
Well, yes, maybe.
Kind of felt like that.
Yeah. But their father is a very reactionary person. He doesn't take anything. He's always
offended. And so they do this stuff to Ralph, and he would just be like, didn't react. No, nothing.
And after a while, like, then they're hanging out with him downstairs talking to him more than they
talked to me. Just like you were saying, like, and I was glad. I mean, it was like, wow, they
really like him. So that's, that's been amazing. But the other thing I wanted to say that kind of
struck me was, we also just always because there was that foundation of trust, like you said,
Bethany, and just really respecting each other, we would just laugh when because like Ralph has
these things that I call him his things, like he's got to do them, these little things he does,
right, like very regimented, organized, like, and I'm like, I was organized enough against him,
I'm like, like jack in the box. So anyways, but then we just laugh about it. Because I know that's
how he is. That's how his brain works. That's how he has to do things in order to feel alive and safe.
And you know, I like to have things be different. And you know, like, why are we eating the same
food every night? Like, yeah, it's not like, you know, but it's good. It's healthy. It's we
kind of help each other. And we just sort of find each other humorous. And our differences.
I love this. So some people are asking, you know, just when y'all How long did you date before you
got married? I know that Matt and Mandy said about eight months. How long did you Ralph and Diana date
before you got married? April to December? Yeah. Well, we weren't even well, we got so
may is when we really started. Yeah. So and then we got engaged in September.
So June, July, August, September is five months.
Yeah.
And then three more months.
Yeah, so that was eight months.
Yeah.
So we have two couples that dated for eight months on here.
Some supernatural things happening.
Brian and I dated almost exactly to a year when we got married.
It was almost exactly a year.
And yeah, so we have some couples in our
community that have dated significantly longer because of adjustments with
children or other dynamics and things like that.
So we have all varying lengths of time for our couples in our community.
But I love that you guys were talking
about just even Diana, that you brought up that in the beginning,
as hard as that was, that your kids were mean to him.
And y'all, this is real talk.
This stuff will really happen in some of your lives and families.
But I love, Ralph, that you did not react to them.
We actually talked about delaying getting
married and took a week or two to pray about it.
And I was more of willing to, you know,
give them more time to adjust, but they were so dug in that.
Yeah.
It's just I don't think it would have mattered.
As a matter of fact, it might have made
things worse and might have made the adjustment be even longer.
One thing
they Diana and her ex had shared custody.
So it was one week on one week off.
About six weeks after we got married,
her middle daughter came to her and said, mom, I want to talk to you.
And so I heard that and I'm like, oh, boy, what's this going to be?
She decided she wanted to live with us full time.
Yeah.
So that's awesome.
Yeah. Which
when you think about it, like where where we were at the time we got married and
she was the most vocal about not having not just not having it, you know,
so I have another question for you just as we're talking about this.
I don't want to forget to talk about your dating experiences.
OK,
Matt and Mandy, I can't remember if you all were local to each other or not.
I in my mind, I can't recall that.
But Ralph and Diana, you were long distance.
So have you unmuted right now?
Tell us what did that look like for you in the dating season?
Did you stay in your in the states you were in the whole time you were dating?
Or like Brian and I, like I ended up moving
to Indiana to live closer to him, to date more locally before we officially got
engaged, which I was super glad to do that because I saw him in his environment
like the real deal, like how does he live and all the things.
But how did you guys date long distance?
What did that look like?
So we.
We had our first date in April.
I decided to come in May for a visit.
Community is important to me.
And she was telling me she's been at the same church for like 30,
I don't know how many, 35 years or more for a long time.
And she was telling me about all this community.
So I like I wanted to I want to see this community.
I want to meet these people.
So I made a trip.
To to New York and stayed with while I stayed in an Airbnb,
kind of an Airbnb one night and then stayed with some friends of hers.
And we had some time in person and I was I don't know if we have time to get into
this, but I was pretty locked down at that time, like we were dating and we were
talking, but I had had just a lot of experiences.
I was so afraid that
to make the wrong decision that I was just I was locked up.
I remember you going through that, Ralph,
actually, because just when you were navigating that in the community at times,
I just remember you sharing during some of the love seats back then.
Yeah, yeah.
And you all this is the reason I mention that is because Ralph showed up to community.
He was at stuff.
He was getting the coaching.
He was sharing.
And I kind of felt like you were like a brother.
I remember the first time I just thanked you for what you shared.
just the kind things that you said
that just really encouraged me and my journey too.
And so for the men on here, I just want you to know,
and for ladies, not every time that we just say thank you
to the guys in our community
has to mean it turns into something.
It is okay to just cheer each other on,
but for the men, God may use you in that way
with some of the ladies in the community
just to be a blessing and encourage them
and be a brother in Christ.
And it's so important, right?
But I'm so grateful to just continue to see
how your story has unfolded and all the things.
So you guys saw each other in April,
you saw each other in May.
How many other times did you all visit each other?
So I came back and I was praying about,
before I left on the May trip,
I was just gonna go and check out the community.
And the Lord told me, like I heard,
he told me to go and see
if this is where I should move to.
Okay.
And I'm like, I don't wanna move to New York,
but I'm gonna do, you know, I was obedient.
So it was all steps of obedience.
And that was all, that was, you know, again, part of this.
I was like really locked up.
Yeah, the thing that happened is,
and then in June, my employer sent me back to Austin.
Yeah.
So Jackie would laugh.
She's like, so your employer is paying for you
to go visit your boyfriend.
I'm like, yeah, kind of.
Yeah, you had, it was like twice, right?
That you came?
Yeah.
I mean, I did my work, but I would, yeah,
I got to see him again in person
and meet more of his community.
So there was this little bit of back forth
and then you decided.
So I decided to just pack up and move.
So it was really, the packing up part was really difficult.
There was a lot of stuff like that from my first wife
that I just, I was so used to seeing it
that I didn't see it anymore.
Yeah.
So you can't just throw that stuff away.
Yeah.
So I had to go through it and okay,
which kid is going to want this
and kind of divvy it up amongst my kids.
And some things I could,
like there was a lot of like records and stuff
that didn't need to be kept.
But anyway, that was really,
that was very stressful packing up,
but I did, got it all loaded up
and actually shipped it to New York.
I rented a small townhouse less than a mile
away from Diana's house.
And I worked, I'm remote.
So I was able to work remotely and same job.
So that wasn't changing everything in my life.
Yeah.
So I came here in July.
Way to go.
Or August rather, yeah.
And you all, this is the thing.
This is where, again, it's so important.
I had my heels dug in.
I'm not moving because my girls,
I did not want to move away from them.
And I remember the first time I went to Indiana
and visited, I met Brian's mom
and his youngest of the two sisters,
went to lunch with the three of them.
And his mom never asked me to move there
or anything like that.
But she was just talking about Brian's dad
who had passed away about a year before,
approximately, I think before I met Brian.
So it was still pretty fresh for her.
And as she was talking about it,
I just heard the Lord say to me,
you need to move here.
Like, don't ask him to move from his mom right now.
And I knew in my spirit that she needed him.
She needed him to be there a little bit longer.
Cause Brian had been in California for like 20 some years
and he had just been back just a short time in Indiana
before his father passed away.
And just, you know, God was really working there.
And so being willing to hear that and was it scary?
Yeah.
Was I sad at times?
Yep.
I sure was because my girls were in Kentucky
and I wasn't there.
But y'all, you know what?
I got in my car and every couple of months
I drove to Kentucky and I stayed there for the weekend.
Sometimes Brian-
I came sometimes I went by myself and I figured it out and I made it work.
It's a little harder now that we're in Florida, but we still see them every
couple of months, um, and, and God is continuing to help us navigate that.
And so I just don't want you all to be afraid of change and something that
Ralph said, I think is really important.
And I feel like we need to mention it tonight is that not just
people who have lost spouses.
You know, uh, people that have passed away, but everybody, you know, just
that reminder, Diana, you talked about it too, that when Jackie said, Hey,
like if you have things from prior relationships, you really need to
pray and get rid of that stuff.
And so for those of you that are saying you're ready for your spirit mate,
and you haven't even considered, you know, going through stuff to like, Hey,
do I need to keep this in my life moving forward?
You probably want to start praying about that.
That was something that God had me doing before Brian came in my life.
And it makes sense.
I still had way too much stuff when I moved you all, but I had gotten rid of,
y'all, I don't know where this stuff comes from.
It just keeps growing every time we move.
I'm like, where'd that come from?
But, um, literally, um, I remember when I got in my closet, cause see, I
had moved out of my mom's house.
And so at one point when my mom passed away, my brother brought me all these
boxes, I didn't even remember that I had them and I was going through these boxes
and I opened one y'all, there were notes from my high school boyfriend and teddy
bears and all kinds of stuff.
And I was like, Oh my gosh, I didn't even know I was lugging this
around from one place to the other.
And so I got rid of all that stuff.
I don't need that, you know?
And so you might be surprised what you find when you start going through your
stuff, but seriously, you all need to make room for the new that God wants to
bring you.
Um, and it will help you.
Yeah, go ahead, Brian.
I was just going to add kind of what you were saying too, about being open to
change, because I mean, I look back, we talked about this the other day, Bethany
signed up and she said, yes, when I was in that transition time, getting back
into ministry, I was at a small church in a small town.
We, we laugh, like I joke when I cook, it's usually with a drive-through and I
say, Hey, dinner's ready when I come back home, but all that to say, like I
would drive to like 30, 40 minutes or crack, like just to get to a decent
restaurant like that.
Cause we were out in the middle of nowhere, but she said yes to that.
And to me, as we talk about that, I think sometimes we think when we say yes, or
we think we're compromising like locations, but really it's signing up for
a journey, um, because if you want to grow, like change is required, you
have to change in order to grow.
And so here we are and we're now in Florida.
We love the state.
We love where we are.
We just had a pastor's spouse retreat last month that sent us to
the Ritz Carlton in Naples.
Um, and we're still kind of, yeah.
And so like God's just blessed tremendously, but it took her
signing up for a small town.
I think like a few hundred people, like less than a thousand
and a denomination y'all.
I'm just going to say it, that I was never planning to be a part of.
Okay.
Let me just say it, but got his letters to a different
out of that.
Yeah.
But all that to say, I think sometimes we may not even realize it and this
isn't only dating, but life circumstances decisions.
Sometimes we think we're saying no to certain things, but we're saying no to
journeys that may take us to amazing blessings that had God has for us.
So I just say that to be open to possibilities, of course, there's
non-negotiables, but you know, look to sign up for the journey, not necessarily
just a geographical location because we're living, we're both living our best
life now and it's, it's been amazing.
Um, I'm about to turn 50 next year.
Um, but I'm excited because I think, you know, with Bethany is going to be the
best, one of the best decades of my life.
So, and if she said no to a small town, she, you know, we both would be
kind of missing out on this journey.
So just something to keep in mind, cause I know long distance is a big thing.
And I guess I never considered we would be, or I would be long
distance, but I'm glad we did.
I mean, look at, yeah.
So just one quick, yeah.
Just real quick.
Some people were asking about long distance and I'm getting ready
to come back to the couples again.
Um, I would love to have y'all share, um, a piece of advice that something
that you just think would help our people, you know, whether it's have hope
for their love story or something that you've learned, whatever, whatever comes
to mind, um, and, and there's nothing too small.
all to say too, because you never know how that's going to impact the people that are
here in this. But when we did long distance, Brian literally drove for the first about
month and a half every Friday night from Indiana to Kentucky. We would go on a date on Friday
and it's like about four hours. It was about four, four and a half depending on what part
of Indiana he was in. We would go on a date on Friday night. He would stay in a hotel
and then we would have a mini date in the morning, maybe till lunch. And then he would
have to drive back because he had to prepare his message for Sunday. So that's how we,
you know, like I only saw him once a week, you know, for long distance, that's pretty
good. But we did one video date a week too. We didn't rush things. We weren't talking
on the phone every single night. He had a life and I had a life that we needed to be
like able to live. Both of us in the past had abusive people that try to control everything.
And for myself, I lost myself in other people pretty frequently. So one of the things we
talked about early on was we're going to set some boundaries so that we don't do that.
And so even when we first got married every Tuesday night, we'd both be at home, but Brian
would go and do whatever it was on, you know, he likes to game or Lego or whatever. He would
go do his thing. And I'd do my girl thing and watch a girl movie or whatever I felt
like doing. And just had a little bit of time apart. And I think that's really healthy for
y'all to be thinking about those things too. As you're preparing your heart to be with
someone that it is okay. As you're dating to keep, you know, that that separateness
a little bit so that you can really process even your dates, right. But it was it wasn't
always easy. I remember one weekend he was supposed to come and he got sick. He got COVID
and he couldn't come and I was super bummed. But we just ended up getting on our laptops.
We watched the same TV show and then talked about it a little bit and just tried to hang
out. You can get really creative if you want to make something work and you really want
to see what God is going to do. You find a way like we would send each other fun little
game questions back and forth. And I remember one of our fun like video dates where like
I was like, okay, bring three of your favorite things. And we're going to get on the video
chat and share them with each other. And that's all that's all I said. And so we showed up
with our three things and talked about them and we learned about each other. So again,
just trying to give you guys ideas for those of you that are dating. And I did Google searches
you all. Google's my friend. It can be your friend too. And what did I search? Fun dating
questions. No brainer. And I just looked for the clean ones. I did not ask any kind of
that would lead to potentially sexual conversations. I steered away from all that stuff and just
kept it light and fun. And that was a huge blessing to our initial time of getting to
know each other. And so Matt and Wendy, sorry, Matt and Mandy, what would be advice you would
give to our community tonight? I think for me, just being still a little bit like on
the profile of the community, I see a lot of the ladies being discouraged or the men.
And I think what finally worked for me is really believing every no leads me is getting
me closer to my yes. And so I, that was sort of the thing that turned the tide for me from
being discouraged to really, truly having hope. And, and then just saying, okay, God,
what can I, what, what, what are you teaching me? Or what can I glean from that interaction
or from that day or, you know, whatever it is. And being willing to just walk away because
you know, that you can just trust that God has something better. My life with Matt is
exponentially better than I could have ever imagined my life could have ever been. And,
and it doesn't mean that it's easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it truly is more than I could
have ever asked or imagine. It's like, I, I say this often to him. It wasn't even like
I wished for what we have. I didn't even know that that existed. It wasn't even on the radar.
And so, so I would say, I know it's probably doesn't sound like a huge thing, but you have
to find ways to continue to have hope. You can't get discouraged. And I, another
another person that I met in the community
who is now married as well.
Her and I used to say that,
we worked those prayer calls like a job,
not the dating apps like a job,
but like we showed up to every prayer call,
we showed up every Saturday,
we were taking notes, we'd compare notes.
If Bethany was doing something,
I mean, this is going way back
where Bethany would speak a word over somebody,
like we were there, like give it,
you know what I mean?
Like, let's do this.
Anything that I could do,
any book I could read, anything,
it was just like, literally,
I was consuming as much as I could.
And then Jackie would challenge us to put it into practice.
And then the like seven date challenge or whatever,
and you're just like, oh my gosh, seven people.
But you do the thing, right?
You just do the thing because you believe in it
because what else are you gonna believe in?
Whatever you were doing before didn't work.
And I think the other thing I will say is
just really nurture your relationship with the Lord,
because I think storms are going to come no matter what.
And as long as you have the same rendezvous point,
like as long as you both are going back to Jesus
and then to each other,
you're gonna weather those storms.
And I think that's been probably one of the greatest gifts
in our marriage for me is how Matt and I can circle back
and reconcile or talk through things
with just openness and a curiosity
and just always staying curious
and trusting that he loves me and he's for me,
which is very foreign for me
based on my other relationship or my other marriage.
Just trusting that he is for me
has been probably one of my biggest challenges.
Yeah.
Boy, we do.
We comment on a marriage like we have
was not even on the radar.
So, man, when you think of advice
and if I can give any encouragement to anyone here,
one is that, man, one, God is so, God is good.
God is so good that he prepared Mandy for me
and me for her.
And we are truly able to have a marriage
that neither of us thought was possible.
So that's the outcome.
Now it is still like,
one of the things in within the marriage now
is knowing that she does love me
and she does want the best for me,
and she does want the best for me
even when I have no idea what planet she's on.
And the same more for her.
I, one, also within the marriage,
I'm like, how about we focus on just lots more grace
and forgiveness and more grace?
Again, because I realized as a husband
that there's so many things that I can do wrong
that I fall short that I,
and Mandy will love me.
And so that's even something that I have to accept
that as a man or as even just a person in general,
there's things that fall short.
There's expectations I don't meet.
And so then I come in,
maybe from past relationship, expecting to get it.
And then when Mandy gives me grace, it's just wonderful.
But advice.
So one, I heard this from Ralph and a couple other,
and Brian, but the idea of listening,
the idea of listening,
listening for the voice of God in any way.
This is coming from, I grew up Baptist,
and so we tried to ignore the Holy Spirit
as much as we could growing up.
And no, not really,
but he was the weird uncle that we didn't talk about.
But.
Since then, I had a thing a few weeks into dating Mandy on my phone, her picture was on the phone, and then diagonally in bold letters. It said, wife.
The words were not there if I showed my phone to anyone else but I saw them as clear as day.
And I don't get signs from God at all.
But that was one clear as day, where, where then I knew.
I knew from that point on that Mandy was my wife.
So, I would say be open to listen to the voice of God like even Ralph you heard him, you're moving to New York and you're like what's happening.
That's one piece of it. And then just to, again, follow that, and then be grace filled have a foundation on the other thing.
Real quick is when God brought Mandy into my life. When I had flipped a switch.
Spiritually, and it really was a flipping of the switch to where like I wanted my life to line up with what I believed.
I wanted my lifestyle to line up, I wanted my wife to line up, I wanted to live out my love for Jesus, and, and it was in my, it was a flip, it was a switch I had to flip and God.
As soon as I flipped it, Mandy showed up.
And, and it's been.
It's been really good to see God's goodness in the manifestation of our relationship.
And I'll say really quickly about the wife thing. The interesting part of that is and Bethany you'll remember this, and Diana I know you will too.
Jackie used to always not always but often she would say, pray that you're highlighted as a wife, and so I would do that going to the grocery store, drop offline pickup line for school wherever I was band concert it didn't matter I would before I would go
out I would say, God highlight me to, to, to who you have for me highlight me as their wife. And so I would pray that I was actively praying that when.
So I and I don't know if those two things go together or not. Oh, I'm sure they do. I'm sure that. Yeah, I think that nothing hurts.
Making room in your closet, wearing white, like really manifesting and living out what you believe that is going to do I think is just so important.
I want you all to think about God has this really awesome mixing pot.
And he just loves to collect all the things you know that are going on all the prayers all the things that we're doing as we're moving towards our spirit mate and he's just up there just mixing it all together.
And at the right time, and you may not want to think of it that way but it makes me think of really awesome things just even now like whatever in our new season that we're seeking God for like he works all things together for good.
And I totally believe that God highlighted you to Matt in that moment and I do believe that the Holy Spirit can show up to anybody at any time. So just want to say that too.
I love that story and I love that you shared it Matt, and you're being real and I don't know if you saw but one of the brothers, one of our brothers that is on the call tonight said, as a, I forget how he said it exactly so I don't want to misquote him.
OMG this Baptist is resonating with that so I'm so glad that you shared it because one of our guys is resonating with you in that regard tonight.
Ralph and Diana so we have about five minutes left would love to hear it like just a quick piece of advice from you all to our community as well.
My prayer during dating was really hard for me. It was exhausting.
Not because I was going on so many dates but because it was just harder than it should have been. It felt like.
I would always pray, Lord my life is not my own.
You can give me to whomever you choose.
And I would pray that and mean that.
And that's how I ended up in New York,
married to a woman with kids at home.
Right.
And I figured nobody would want me.
Who wants that, right?
Really, honestly.
But I would pray every night on my knees
and I'd say, Lord, you know that there is somebody
out there who's a praying man who will love me
in all my mess that I bring from the past
and from the hurts of my first marriage
and will love these kids.
They need to know what it is to be loved and so do I.
And God was faithful to answer that prayer.
And that's the thing, we have to,
you have to be as much as you can in a place of faith,
which is why I love Jackie's program
because you're surrounded with faith people
who will believe with you,
even when your faith is failing, you're faltering,
you're like, I just don't know if God's gonna do it.
You stay in with the community of people
who will encourage you because God truly,
I mean, it was seven years on my knees,
almost every single night.
And look at what I got here, it's God's faithful.
Man, these stories have been so awesome tonight.
I saw a question in the chat.
Candy says, did Mandy introduce Matt
to join the LYS program?
I'm gonna answer that first
because I also wanna speak from the perspective of,
I did mention it to Brian when I met him,
but as a pastor, he's got,
even back then had a very full schedule.
He did join the men's group and would kind of jump on
and on occasion listen to things,
but he was not able to do the program at that time.
And so the reason I felt led to say that
is that I don't want you all to get discouraged
if you meet someone amazing
and they don't just become a part
of the community right then.
Little by little, I'm pulling my hubby in,
he doesn't have a choice.
No, he does, he really does.
But I love that he is willing on occasion.
I think one time I did say,
I do stuff for the church all the time.
So you get to come and do things
for last year's single too.
So yeah, I'm having a little fun,
but just I want you all to really understand
that some people, yes, invite them,
of course, invite them to come into the community.
Whether or not they're able or have the capacity
at that time to do it will be something
that you all as a couple will have to figure out.
Sometimes now the difference is that some men
haven't gone through heart healing before
and then they're not willing to come into the program
and that should be something you pay attention to.
Okay, so super important.
Go ahead, Brian, were you gonna say something?
I was just gonna add to that too.
I think like for me, my journey was different.
I didn't know about LYS,
but I went through like divorce care a couple of times
and I spent time single intentionally to get healthy.
So while I didn't go through LYS,
it was a lot of similarities to it.
And if anything, I would say like the thing
that attracted me about Bethany
was where she was in her health journey.
So when you get healthy, you're in the healthy pool,
if you will, if we talk about like dating pools.
So when you're in LYS, you may attract other healthy people
that may be in or outside.
I think to me, that's kind of the big picture, if you will.
And so other healthy people attract healthy people.
So even if someone is not in that program,
you're gonna attract healthy people
just for being a healthy person yourself.
We talked a lot about a three-legged race,
doing life and ministry together.
The whole idea is we're on this journey
with our relationship with God and where he's calling us.
And we wanna kind of be tied with someone
that's running the same pace as we are.
So if you have someone that's not running
or wants to run the opposite way
and you tie yourself to them in marriage,
that's gonna slow you down.
And so as Bethany and I were going through life
and doing ministry, it's almost like we just looked over
and it's like, oh, hey, how are you doing?
You know, kind of a thing.
Because she was running the same pace
and it's like, oh, hey, you know,
you want something healthy, so do I.
And it was just a really match, great match that way,
if that makes sense.
So we just kind of looked for somebody.
And he likes Legos and Marvel,
which he asked me about on our first date.
You know, that's our famous story.
And I'm like, cool, I like puzzles, you know?
And then we just moved on from there.
And then she said puzzles, so I was like,
ah, I need to pray about this.
Oh, whatever.
Oh my gosh.
So it's been so much fun tonight, you all.
This has been just incredible hearing Matt and Mandy
and Ralph and Diana and their stories.
and just everything, you know, continue to pray and ask God to show you anything that needs shifted
in your heart so that you can receive your love story. If there's something that you do need to
shift, God will lovingly show you. And even if you're not ready yet to move, and some of you
may not ever have to move, okay, that's important to say too, but some of you God may lead you to
move, but don't partner with fear and panic, just stay open and see what God will do.
I pray that you have an amazing rest of your night. Mandy, Matt, Ralph, Diana, thank you so
much for being here with us tonight. This has been awesome. And I think for some of you, we'll be
seeing you this weekend, and I don't know about the couples here tonight, but those of you joining
us that might be coming to Austin for the five-year anniversary party on Sunday night,
I will be there. So many people from our team are going to be there, and we're excited to meet those
of you that are able to come. I know Jackie is planning on going live at some point. You all
have no clue about the time, so please don't email me or message me about that. When Jackie wants to
go live, she'll go live. All right, that's the plan. But love you all. So glad that you're a
part of our community, and we'll be seeing you all really soon. Have a good night, everyone.