WEBVTT

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it's a hard work yeah just just been trying to have balance lately yeah yeah for sure i understand

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that okay hello audrey hello sue hello lauren and who else i don't see leah and alicia and

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hellen hey hey hey i'm like the lady's gotta come on in yes so i totally understand take your time

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we totally understand um i was wondering i was like is something else happening tonight i didn't get

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the oh what they call it like the memo or something so but you know hey audrey hi ebony

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an honor to meet you on sunday such an honor sorry for bumping into you on the dance floor

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multiple times i was sober i promise ah it was so much fun hanging out with you i was one of the

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one of the greatest joys of the day i was just so thankful to um be able to enjoy your presence

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it was a blessing and you're more beautiful in person y'all she's more beautiful in person

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than on camera just say yeah thank you you make me blush

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thank you so much hellen it was so good so i was so so blessed so blessed

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by um me carla was still talking about it i was like it was so good to meet you all

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so wonderful to meet you too alicia it was just so wonderful i hope i'm saying your name right

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it was it was a blessed time i tell you well ladies um we're gonna get going tonight i'm

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just gonna pray father god i thank you um for all of these ladies i thank you um for wisdom

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on tonight wait a minute one second in the middle okay here we go oh let me do that too

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okay so father god we just thank you for wisdom we thank you lord god for insight we thank you

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that you know the root of every issue that we have and so we ask for targeted targeted coaching

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that goes to the core of what's happening and so i just thank you now in jesus name amen i

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thank you that this is a safe place um where we can be seen known heard and accepted in jesus name amen

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all right ladies what do y'all have let's see some hands let's hear some updates let's talk

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what's on your mind what's on your heart it doesn't have to be about dating oh is it here

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i'm gonna come right for you i forgot is there anybody new your very first time on a call

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mika okay mika i didn't know it's your first time yay mika we're so happy to have you but malika

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your name your name your hand is up to say something right because you're gonna move to

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right okay um mika's your first time with your first time in my call or your first time in phase

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two it's my first time in your call but i feel like i know you because i've been watching

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everybody you would call us replays oh gotcha i mean listen oh my goodness you girls you ladies

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jam-packed with wisdom and experience and it's just been such a blessing so i've not

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to tell i've shared that with college if i got on her call at one two but um

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i didn't get a chance to share that i've been watching the replay so oh good well praise

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jesus i'm so glad that we're able to share things that that uh that's helpful for you

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um it is always our prayer um that the lord makes himself mighty through us through all of us you

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and us as coaches so that we can have a time of restoration and hope and renewal um

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funny too which helps say that again mika

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a wonderful sense of humor both of you very funny it just it makes the calls like

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you get you get stuff but and at the same time it's like you're laughing too so it's like

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it's wonderful i've been really enjoying them thank you oh good so glad you're welcome you're

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welcome well welcome we're excited to do this part of your life with you it is the phase that

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changed my life a heart a hard work changed me but nothing did it like dating um it helped me

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to discover myself and to uncover things that the lord wanted to heal to expand me to stretch me to

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capacity to my life he definitely used dating as a vehicle to help me grow and so i am hopeful that

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you get the opportunity to walk with the Lord in the same way, to be stretched, to be multiplied,

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to be increased in your singleness, so that you can enjoy the fullness of what he has for you.

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All right, Helen, not Helen, Ashley, not everyone down.

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Hi, I just mostly just want to say some wins. I was able to get on one o'clock,

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so I talked with Carla a little bit on one o'clock, but she did tell me that if I don't

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reply to my comment as just like my comment, and I reply to you to your comment, that you guys

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don't see it. Oh, that's true. So just figured that out, and I did send you a reply. One of

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them, I don't remember which one, about what I was going to say to my sister, because I think

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we talked about it on the chat, and I apparently didn't write it down. So that's in the

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coach, in the group, in one of the messages that I sent.

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I don't have my phone to like figure out which one it was.

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But are you saying that you want me to tell, do the script again, tell you?

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Yeah, if you'll just look at it later, that'd be great.

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Yeah, I'll look at it.

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That'd be fine, because mostly I just wanted to get on and share my wins.

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And then Carla told me to put, I'd only had one earlier, Carla told me to put it in the

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community page, so I will do that later. I haven't had a chance to do that tonight.

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My one that I mentioned earlier was, this was so wild, you guys, this is just so wild. So my,

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literally my very, very first boyfriend, like I was 14, my very first boyfriend,

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earlier this year, out of the blue, texted me, like he had to work to find my name,

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because my name that I have now is my married name. So we had to work to find my name and

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my phone number. Found out, and I'm like, I don't even know why, I found out he's married,

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it was not going well. And so I quit texting him, I like just didn't reply. I'm like,

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we're not doing this. And then last night, he texted again and was like, hey, moving into my

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new place and just looking at old pictures, and he'd sent a picture of me, like he still has a

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picture of me, like what? I was like, and so it was just so easy. That's the part about it. It

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was just so easy. I just was like, wow, that was a long time ago. Sounds like it's not going well

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with your wife. So sorry to hear that. I'll be praying that you get the healing you need in this

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season. And that was it. I was like, it was just so easy. It was so easy. So that was that was

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exciting when and then today. I'm probably my daughter can probably hear me. So maybe be a

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quiet. Um, we pulled up to my parents house to get my son. She wasn't there. She was at home.

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And stopped say hi to a neighbor that I'd not met before pet her dog said hi. And you know,

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just exchange like information. Oh, new to the neighborhood. You know, just her dog and her

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fiance and I was like, it was so great to meet you started to walk away. I was like, wait. I was

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told to step out of my box. So I told her about this. And I was like, I was like, you probably

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know some single people. She immediately had an idea. So we exchanged phone numbers. Oh, wow.

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So yay. Yes. And then I left my parents house without feeling guilty that I wasn't staying

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for dinner because I didn't know that my mom was making dinner and I was like, I gotta get home. I

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was just good. So all sorts of wins last 24 hours. So yay. Yes. Yes. That's so exciting, Ashley.

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That is so exciting for you. That's really good. You are really stepping out there.

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You go Ashley. I just wanted to share this. I know.

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I did that.

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Good for you. Congratulations. We rejoice with you.

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Um, Helen. I know you get in love in the chest.

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Way to go. Um, hey, girl. I thought someone else was nice. Okay, you

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it could be the way I wrote it down. Did someone else feel that they were next?

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You feel like I skipped you? I didn't try to. Okay. All right.

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Going once, going twice, okay.

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Quick question on the whole apps and online stuff.

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I'm experiencing this whole endless texting,

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which is exhausting.

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And then on the other spectrum,

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this one guy wants to meet up for coffee

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and we've never even talked.

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So what is your recommendation of someone's like,

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straight up, like, let's meet up,

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but like, isn't there usually a step,

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like you're on the phone or you have a FaceTime,

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you don't just meet all of a sudden

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when you've never even like spoken or anything.

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What do you think?

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Yeah, so you can accept the coffee date

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and say, you know, before we, you know, meet up,

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I would love to chat with you.

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So you can intentionally put the coffee date out

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three days or to Friday or to Saturday morning.

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And then in the meantime,

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you'll have a good four days in between.

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You can say, you know,

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in between us getting together coffee,

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I'd love to hear your voice,

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maybe to do a video call just to know who I'm talking to

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and who I'm going to meet up with.

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Oh, okay.

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And then so, and then you can say, you know,

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I want to be intentional with talking to you

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a little bit more each day before we go on the coffee date.

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Cause I feel more comfortable that way.

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Okay. Okay.

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That is a good action plan.

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I really like that.

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And then another guy, he lives in Arizona.

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He's like five hours away

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and he was asking me what I think about long distance.

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And I said, I used to be against it,

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but if it's drivable or, you know, a plane ride away,

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I'm open like a few hour plane ride or a few hour drive.

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I don't know about across the country.

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That's a little bit much.

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Like, I don't think I could do East coast, West coast,

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you know, kind of thing, but he's only five hours away.

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So with just being,

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but leave it to him to be like, take the step about,

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okay, let's meet up in person.

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Like wait after that FaceTime or whatever day,

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you know, talk or whatever,

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or just see how it goes, how it flows.

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I think you want to see how it goes, how it flows now.

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I don't ideally.

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Okay. You know, when you, when you, so I think,

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so let me see how I want to say this.

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You can allow him to lead in the meetup.

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However, if the leading to meetup is past two weeks,

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then you don't keep letting him lead you

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because now you're two weeks in

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and you're just talking and chatting with somebody

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and you're moving into three weeks, you know?

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So there's a line that you set within yourself

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that if I haven't met you face to face,

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I'm not going to continue in conversation.

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You don't have to say that to him,

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but you need to have that within yourself

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because we say, if you are long distance,

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like, you know, like hours apart, like five hours

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in two to three weeks, when your schedule clears,

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you guys should be meeting up.

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Now let's say you are thousands of miles apart,

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you know, no more than four or five weeks,

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but it's really important that you meet with the person.

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And so, yes, you can let him lead in the conversation

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in a sickness, but you're going to have to, you know,

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you can, you know, always be clear.

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You can be, clarity is kindness.

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So you can always say, like,

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hey, I'm going to know you.

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It is my goal that we meet you

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before investing a lot of conversation time.

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Well, you broke up a bit.

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Can you repeat what you just said?

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Sorry, you broke up.

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So you can always say, like, if you're like you,

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evidently you like talking to him,

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so you're considering it.

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Say, hey, I would really like to meet up with you

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as soon as we possibly can,

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so that I can see if it'll be good for us

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to start getting to know each other.

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Okay.

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And so it is my desire that we don't waste a lot of time

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before that takes place.

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Okay.

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That makes total sense.

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He also mentioned his ex-wife was long distance

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and ended up cheating on him.

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I don't know what to do with that.

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I didn't bring up the ex combos

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because we're not supposed to do that,

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but he brought it up.

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So I'm like, oh man,

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I'm not going to touch that with a 10 foot pole.

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I know, it's going to be hard to keep up.

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Why we ain't got a long distance wife?

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Why we got a long distance wife?

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He running.

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Look now.

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Yeah.

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We'll see how the FaceTime things go.

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And I do believe the Lord lets you say things

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even virtually and gives you a discernment

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and stuff like that.

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So I'll see how FaceTime,

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if it even proceeds to that, I'll see how it goes.

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Oh yeah, yeah.

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I think it's going to be a fun experience either way.

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Yeah.

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And the last thing is that I went on a speed dating thing,

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the one I posted about.

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Yeah.

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And it wasn't Christian, you know?

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So they promised five or almost guaranteed five men

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at least, but there were only four.

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So they offered a refund.

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It was only 25 bucks.

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It wasn't a lot.

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Oh wow.

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But it was interesting to.

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you know, just interact with guys one-on-one. And they had a, they had two age groups in the speed

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dating event, 33 to 45, I think, and 45 to 59, something like that. And then they had the groups

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mingle ahead of time. And that wasn't planned. It's just that people took a while to show up

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because it was during rush hour, you know, at seven o'clock and people took time to get there.

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So it was really fun to interact with the entire group for a good half hour before the speed dating

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actually started. And then they had the lady sit down and then the guys rotated. And, and then at

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the end, they give you a sheet to fill out where you want to say yes to a date or yes to a friend,

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which is interesting. I didn't know you, you could match up as a friend kind of thing. So,

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but they're not believers. So it's like, but it was one thing that kind of broke my heart is one,

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a couple of the guys seemed like they had really low self-esteem and it struck me, you know, guys

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and girls too, but struggle with identity, but the struggle with identity with non-believers,

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I think is even deeper because you have no one to lean on to. And one guy was like, I don't even know

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why anybody would ever want to be with me. And I just said, you know, there's someone for you. I

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didn't want to start a whole thing about God created in his image and you, you have value.

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And like, I didn't want to, I didn't go into all of that. We only have eight minutes, but,

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but I was like, no, there's someone for you and don't, you know, I, I hope that you stop

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thinking that way. Like I just try to be life given to him, but it just may be sad to see guys

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like thinking like that, you know, kind of thing. And one of the girls, Suki, I don't know if you

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know her, Suki came also. So she was in the other group because she's in a different age group than

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me. They looked like they were having a lot more fun than our age groups. So I encourage you to,

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maybe I can send you the information. If you ever want to, the guy that organizes it actually

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lives in New York, but he organizes events in San Diego and a couple other cities.

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Oh, that's cool. Thank you for sharing that. I always wanted, we wanted to know like insight

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on what speed dating events would be like. And I was supposed to go to one here in Austin and

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my friend girl was just telling me that it's on a Wednesday. And so I can't go on no speed date,

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even on a Wednesday night. Oh, you did? You had fun also? Is it Sucre? Is that how you say her name?

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Suki. Suki. Okay. Thank you for sharing that. I didn't know you were on there, Suki. I'm here.

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Yeah, that's nice. Oh, you're going to one. Oh, cool. And for Virginia Beach.

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All right. Speed dating is on the roll. It must be the speed dating season or something.

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Everybody's talking about speed dating.

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Somebody was just talking to me too about speed dating. They said, the only thing is you don't

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know if they're a believer or not. And I was like, well, sometimes you don't even know if

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the believer is a believer. So you just never know who you're going to meet because you're

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a believer and you're there, you know? Yeah. And Jackie says it in one of the

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two videos. She says guys don't always come out up front with their faith stuff or they're in

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the low season of in their faith, which all of us experience low seasons in our faith, right? And so

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you just never know. And so you could go there and somebody may be struggling in their faith or is

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backslidden and ready to come back or whatever. You never know.

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So, yeah, that's the reason why I went. I was like, oh, there could be a believer there. You

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so full of life, Helen. I really like that. Especially in the dance floor.

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Oh, yeah. Helen has some energy, baby, that will fill the room.

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Oh, wondering about the flip over. She keep doing spins on this. You cannot do all the spins when

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you do an electric slide. Can't wait for the next one. Everybody, please come to the next

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last year's single celebration or whatever. I'll come to the next one. All right. Is it Malkia?

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There we go. Okay. Yep. Malkia, just like Nokia, Ikea. Actually, let me turn up my volume here.

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All right. So I am moving on to phase three. And I just had a question on

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situation. So I have a

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what is that? Oh, I'm sorry. There's they're giving me a little message here about

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taking my hand down. I had a question about. So I have I'm part of a friend group, WhatsApp group.

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That's a Christian group. And so there's

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Lots, there's probably like half, half of the people in the group are probably men and the

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other half are women. It's like 170 of us. So we have a lot of meetups and get-togethers and stuff.

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And so I had a question. So if, so I have a lot of different acquaintances and friends in the group,

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how do you turn those sort of casual situations into potential dates, but not, you know, but you

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want to portray that it's more of a casual type of date. You're not, you know, you're not trying

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to say you want to marry the guy or anything like that. Cause usually when you're in a group like

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that, people are very, they're very nervous about asking people out cause they don't want to be in

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a situation where they have to feel like they have to leave the group if it doesn't work out,

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those kinds of things. Yep. So what you're going to have to say is whoever this potential person

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you would like to get to know more, you can say, I know that we're in the meetup group and this

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could probably be a little odd, but I want to encourage you not to feel odd about it. Very low

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stakes. Would you be interested in getting to know me outside of just regular friendship? If so, we

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could grab a cup of coffee. If not, that's completely fine also. No pressure. Okay. That

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sounds good. And that way they can give a straight up answer. They don't feel like they have to,

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they have to oblige you. You've already put it out on the table. Like, you know,

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you put any feeling they had out in front of them and they know that you accept it.

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And then you don't have to worry about all the weird stuff.

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You know, somebody like them wondering, are you trying to say this? No, I'm saying what I just,

287
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I'm saying what I'm saying. And this is what I'm saying. Yeah, exactly. Cause I mean,

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you don't know them that well. They're just interesting. And maybe you'd like to get to know

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them more. Yeah. And that's what you could say. Like, I think you're interesting. I would like

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to get to know you more. I'm not trying to make it an official date, just low stakes. Grab a cup

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of coffee to see if we would be interested in getting to know each other better. Okay. That

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was a good one. I'm going to take a look at the chat now.

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Hello. Hello. Listen, yeah, your friend laying it down thick. I'm thinking we're going to have to

294
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get them some dancing shoes after a while. What do you mean by that?

295
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You can wear dancing shoes to your reception after you're ready.

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Look. Look, I don't know about all this. Like I'm starting to, I'm really freaking out. Like

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I keep waiting. I want, I think I'm wanting God to say no. Cause I'm freaked. I don't know. I'm

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like, I don't know if I'm ready for all this. I don't know. Well, the thing about it is ladies

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like, okay, when you're older, like everything is like in faster motion. I want to go back and

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be younger. This is like, I mean, especially cause he's so much older, it's going way too

301
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fast for me. Like, but I, you know, I just watched 60 minutes the other night and the

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guy's talking about once you hit 75 men and women are going to fall off the cliff. And I'm like,

303
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what? Like, like that's when everything starts going downhill. And I'm like,

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so I don't know. I'm kind of freaked. I'm just freaking out a little bit, but I mean, he's still

305
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been really good. But the other thing I'm worried about, we had a conversation or a text or something

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and he mentioned something about cuddling. I said, snuggling, like something about snuggling.

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He said something about cuddling. Then he said, he goes, I didn't know, but there's a difference

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between those two. So I, I didn't know. I Googled it and looked it up. And apparently cuddling has

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got more of a deeper intimacy thing going on there. So I'm like, is he trying to see if

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is, is he like wanting to go there? Like, and I'm like, Oh no. Like now I've got to have this

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conversation, but it feels too soon. And then I don't know, like, Hey Kim, y'all been on 15 dates?

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Well, I've been on, what have I been on? Like 11, I think. I think I'm at 11.

313
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How long have y'all been dating?

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I met him, um, was it the first week in September? I think.

315
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Honey, that man laying down. I told you.

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He's laying it down because he's old because he's old. I shouldn't say that he's older,

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but he, he's like, we don't have time to waste. Like, and I get it.

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Like I kind of need to get on things too.

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My kids are like, mom, this is your 10 years of travel.

320
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Like you need to get out there and travel, like just go for it.

321
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I'm like, no, you don't understand.

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Like they don't understand either because it's like, I think, you know,

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like I'm looking for a marriage and I'm not looking for a marriage tomorrow, but.

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Oh, I don't know.

325
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I just, and I, I've been praying to God about this.

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I said, I don't think that you'd lead me this far.

327
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Sure.

328
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But I'm like, surely this isn't my person yet.

329
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Lord, like, is this it?

330
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Is this it?

331
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I'm I'm, I don't know.

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Like, so anyway, that's where I'm at and I'm going to have to have the sex talk.

333
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I think.

334
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And I'm, I don't know, like I'm trying to figure out how to, how to do all this.

335
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It's you know what, that's the reason I was afraid of getting

336
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in dating in the first place.

337
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I didn't want to deal with all this stuff.

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Like what did you want to do?

339
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Meet the man, the man right at the door.

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I just, I wanted God to give me the, I don't know.

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I just wanted, well, I think the problem is honestly, Ebony, the problem is, okay.

342
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I told you he's Catholic.

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He believes, but he's not like we all like, you know, he's not about Jesus.

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Like, I don't, I don't mean to offend anyone if anyone's Catholic, but you know,

345
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there's Catholics that are really like into it, but you know, basic Catholics,

346
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they go to mass, they don't get a lot out of it.

347
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They don't, they don't feel the spirit.

348
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You know what I'm saying?

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Like, and I didn't think God would give me, I thought he was going to give me a

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man that was going to lead me and be there with me.

351
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I, I think he's willing to go to church with me, but like, I don't know.

352
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I just, I don't know.

353
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I just, I'm in a, I'm kind of feeling anxious and I don't want to feel anxious

354
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and I know I don't need to, cause the Lord's going to take care of this.

355
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And I know that, but I, um, I mean, honestly, I'm feeling anxious and I'm,

356
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and I, I don't want to, I'm trying not to, and I keep praying about it.

357
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And I said, I don't have to be anxious or afraid you are with me.

358
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I know.

359
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I know that you're by my side and you're not, you know, it's all going to go well.

360
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If this is my person, it's all going to go well, all of it.

361
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And if it's not, I need to know, right.

362
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I need to know.

363
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Let me, I'll help.

364
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Let's, let's give, let's give some perspective.

365
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You're going to feel much safer once we're done giving perspective, unless

366
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you decide not to lean into it.

367
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:31.440
Um, but first I want you to look at what you desire in a husband.

368
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Now you want a husband who is integrous.

369
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You want a husband that is teachable.

370
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And so when you evaluate his spirituality, if he's made Jesus Lord of his life, I

371
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want you to evaluate to see if he has a teachable heart.

372
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And I want you to pray this prayer to the Lord.

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If you're going to consider this man, right.

374
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Because you, this is not a comment that you're running out of time, but you have

375
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more time behind you than in front of you.

376
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Right.

377
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And if we're talking about biologically, so there's a scripture that

378
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says, and the Lord taught me this.

379
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There's a scripture that when, you know, Samuel went out to anoint the King,

380
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every son he looked at, he said, surely this is the one, every one of

381
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Jason's sons, surely this is the one.

382
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Surely, surely, surely.

383
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And he said, this is the one he looks so good.

384
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He's this, this, this.

385
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And then God says that you judge the outer appearance, but I,

386
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the Lord judge the heart.

387
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And this was the Lord told me, he said, Ebony.

388
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Well, he didn't say this.

389
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This is what I deduce from it.

390
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From that example he gave me, I started asking the Lord to show me how you have

391
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judged this man's heart.

392
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How have you judged this man's heart?

393
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And so I want you to ask the Lord.

394
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I don't know your friend's name, but I would like for you to ask the Lord,

395
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Lord, how have you judged, you know, Tommy's heart?

396
00:29:02.020 --> 00:29:02.500
Okay.

397
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That's one thing.

398
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So you'll find safety in there because the Lord will speak.

399
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You don't, you don't have to be anxious.

400
00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:11.980
Another reason why you're feeling a little anxious.

401
00:29:12.100 --> 00:29:15.000
If he's talking to you about cuddling, it's nothing wrong with it.

402
00:29:15.060 --> 00:29:15.880
There's a step.

403
00:29:16.220 --> 00:29:17.580
He wants to be closer to you.

404
00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:19.000
He likes you.

405
00:29:19.040 --> 00:29:21.640
But before you get to, can we cuddle?

406
00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:26.240
There is a conversation that talks about where is this going?

407
00:29:27.180 --> 00:29:30.380
Now he's not used to those conversations because you didn't have to have

408
00:29:30.380 --> 00:29:33.140
conversations like that in your day and time.

409
00:29:33.360 --> 00:29:36.180
If you don't want me to go study long enough, y'all spending all your time

410
00:29:36.180 --> 00:29:37.740
together, you're not talking to nobody else.

411
00:29:37.860 --> 00:29:38.780
It's just we're together.

412
00:29:38.780 --> 00:29:40.580
Nobody had all these rules.

413
00:29:40.960 --> 00:29:41.940
Men didn't do that kind of stuff.

414
00:29:42.140 --> 00:29:43.000
They do now.

415
00:29:43.000 --> 00:29:44.280
They didn't play women.

416
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They found a wife.

417
00:29:45.740 --> 00:29:47.420
They usually settled down.

418
00:29:47.540 --> 00:29:48.340
That's the way it went.

419
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And they pursued her.

420
00:29:50.040 --> 00:29:54.620
She never had to drop a hanky or ask them nothing that just any man would

421
00:29:54.620 --> 00:29:57.140
have never even said that out his mouth.

422
00:29:57.180 --> 00:29:59.980
Even if he was nervous, that's.

423
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It's not how it used to be so in his mind. It's kind of like

424
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We're together

425
00:30:06.960 --> 00:30:12.960
Well for you and him to want to have conversations with him about sex before we even go there

426
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:14.120
This will be a good leeway

427
00:30:14.120 --> 00:30:20.740
So I noticed you talked about cuddling and snuggling and to me that kind of lends itself to something that can lead into sex

428
00:30:20.800 --> 00:30:23.560
And so before we have that conversation

429
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I want to know you

430
00:30:25.920 --> 00:30:26.540
Would

431
00:30:26.620 --> 00:30:33.040
I would prefer we have a conversation about who we are. What are you proposing that we are?

432
00:30:33.540 --> 00:30:36.960
And where are we and where would you like to go?

433
00:30:37.700 --> 00:30:43.160
Not you tell me what we are. What are you proposing within yourself that we are?

434
00:30:44.860 --> 00:30:46.420
What would you like

435
00:30:47.160 --> 00:30:49.840
And where do you want to take this?

436
00:30:49.840 --> 00:30:54.960
Right, and so those are all him questions not telling giving you direction

437
00:30:55.000 --> 00:31:00.240
You're just getting up front his direction because what happens is if you say to him, where are we going?

438
00:31:01.140 --> 00:31:04.020
When he says he wants to marry you you're going to feel obliged

439
00:31:04.420 --> 00:31:05.900
You're going to feel like oh

440
00:31:05.900 --> 00:31:09.600
He want to do this and he want to do that. I don't know if I want to do that

441
00:31:10.420 --> 00:31:15.220
Without a doubt it's gonna happen if you use we and he tells you what we want to do

442
00:31:15.960 --> 00:31:17.660
you want to know what

443
00:31:17.660 --> 00:31:20.320
He has in his mind to do

444
00:31:22.540 --> 00:31:26.720
Right and so you already you're establishing and it's going to make a shift you're going to feel it

445
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:28.500
You're not going to even carry what he says

446
00:31:28.500 --> 00:31:33.880
You're going to see him as his respective person and you're going to see your ability to make your own decision

447
00:31:33.880 --> 00:31:38.920
And at that point kim you're going to have to make a decision and that's fine, too

448
00:31:38.920 --> 00:31:42.200
You're going to feel very safe because you're going to get to make the decision

449
00:31:42.200 --> 00:31:50.660
Okay, so if we're exploring what you want like god show me how you judge this man's heart

450
00:31:51.000 --> 00:31:55.180
And the lord will show you that indeed you're going to get to evaluate him

451
00:31:55.180 --> 00:32:01.560
You've been around him enough to evaluate him. Does he honor boundaries? Is he respectful? Um,

452
00:32:02.040 --> 00:32:06.580
Like you start evaluating him based on what you desire and let's

453
00:32:06.980 --> 00:32:07.900
I'm not

454
00:32:08.360 --> 00:32:12.180
I'm, not saying spiritual doesn't matter but let's just sit that one thing

455
00:32:12.180 --> 00:32:19.360
There so, you know you right now he's not up to that par and then check out all the other areas

456
00:32:21.800 --> 00:32:24.580
Okay, that makes sense, yeah, that's good

457
00:32:25.740 --> 00:32:30.600
And so one of the things the reason why you're a little anxious is because you're trying to make decisions in the dark

458
00:32:31.400 --> 00:32:34.020
And so what happened is I just cut the light on

459
00:32:34.660 --> 00:32:39.820
You're not where he wants you to be. You're not somewhere else. You're right where you are and you're in a good place

460
00:32:40.420 --> 00:32:43.220
You had a good time with a wonderful man

461
00:32:43.840 --> 00:32:47.580
And sometimes no matter what age we are we switch up the good for the great

462
00:32:47.640 --> 00:32:51.800
Because if there was a man knocking on your door right now, and he was wonderful

463
00:32:52.080 --> 00:32:55.740
You'll be able to easily walk away from one thing and move into the next thing

464
00:32:56.380 --> 00:32:57.400
it's just a

465
00:32:57.780 --> 00:33:00.820
It's it's not even like you think I found him and it took this much time

466
00:33:00.820 --> 00:33:05.380
Well, he came in this month, but things can switch and change around so very quickly

467
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:12.240
And so don't allow scarcity or any thoughts of fear about what could be not be although i'm not saying that you are

468
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:17.560
But when you see them trying to creep in and just push them back because you're not in the land of scarcity

469
00:33:19.720 --> 00:33:21.520
Okay, but I so

470
00:33:22.040 --> 00:33:26.060
I said I was still looking on the dating sites kind of just seeing what's out there

471
00:33:26.060 --> 00:33:30.880
Just in case because in case god put someone in front of me, but then i'm not dating anybody else

472
00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:36.740
I am not seeing anybody else. I'm not but it's not because you've chosen him. It's just because no one else has

473
00:33:36.860 --> 00:33:44.880
well, because I haven't really been actively as active as I was because i'm dating somebody like now, you know two times a week or

474
00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:45.740
You know

475
00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:48.860
That's true. You're pretty tied up there can

476
00:33:49.100 --> 00:33:50.040
I know

477
00:33:50.240 --> 00:33:51.260
I know

478
00:33:51.260 --> 00:33:56.980
Well, once you get the straight of these things and uh, you can have a heart-to-heart conversation with him

479
00:33:56.980 --> 00:34:01.700
Then when you get ready to have a conversation if you felt like oh another one more thing I want to say

480
00:34:04.220 --> 00:34:08.699
Sometimes it can be very distracting for you to operate in the mindset

481
00:34:08.699 --> 00:34:11.880
I know god wouldn't do this or god wouldn't do that god

482
00:34:11.880 --> 00:34:15.260
I thought she's gonna do it like this and god wouldn't do it like that. Sure

483
00:34:15.260 --> 00:34:19.179
God will tell me this this is the one god pick god. This is the one you bring

484
00:34:19.219 --> 00:34:22.719
It's a lot of responsibility on god and not very much on you

485
00:34:25.820 --> 00:34:26.280
Yeah

486
00:34:26.280 --> 00:34:27.760
God doesn't choose your mate

487
00:34:28.000 --> 00:34:30.480
I believe that he will bring a suitor before you

488
00:34:30.560 --> 00:34:36.080
And you can use the wisdom that he put in you and lean on the guidance of the holy spirit in your choosing

489
00:34:36.080 --> 00:34:38.580
And I believe that god will give you his vote

490
00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:44.560
But he is not going to say kim. This is your husband. You better marry him. That's not who he is

491
00:34:44.560 --> 00:34:46.719
He doesn't even make us do that with salvation

492
00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:52.960
We freely choose and so that language can put you under this like god you're doing this

493
00:34:52.960 --> 00:34:58.840
I guess that's how god wanted. I guess he just want me to be whatever. I guess gaga gaga gaga gaga

494
00:34:58.840 --> 00:34:59.980
And it's not a god thing

495
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.700
This is a Kim in partnership with God because she trusts that her good father has something

496
00:35:05.700 --> 00:35:11.420
really good and she wouldn't dare choose a spouse without her father's approval.

497
00:35:13.740 --> 00:35:19.080
Like she wouldn't do it. She knows that he knows what's best and he's always going to give her best.

498
00:35:23.060 --> 00:35:31.080
And so we have free will we have to you do and when you operate items that's true and God

499
00:35:31.400 --> 00:35:34.980
God likes that you're confident in the wisdom that's on the inside of you.

500
00:35:35.060 --> 00:35:38.760
He likes that you're confident he has equipped you to make good decisions.

501
00:35:39.740 --> 00:35:44.940
Just like you raise your children and when they make good decisions you look at them and say yes

502
00:35:44.940 --> 00:35:50.140
that's how I raised them. You don't you know if you're a grown child even when your children get

503
00:35:50.140 --> 00:35:54.580
a certain day keep coming well mom what's your this or mom what you think you like make your own

504
00:35:54.720 --> 00:36:00.820
decisions. You don't know how to make a decision. It's like this crippling handicap and we you know

505
00:36:00.820 --> 00:36:05.360
I'm saying like there's a level of there's a dependency on God I'm not saying that but I'm

506
00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:10.860
saying the Lord has equipped you Kim you set in a program that told you exactly what to look for.

507
00:36:10.860 --> 00:36:14.740
One of the things that we perish for the Bible says that we perish for lack of knowledge.

508
00:36:15.140 --> 00:36:20.560
You don't lack knowledge. You don't lack wisdom nor understanding. You have an active

509
00:36:20.560 --> 00:36:27.340
Holy Spirit working in you and I want you to be confident in that. I think that said I think I

510
00:36:27.640 --> 00:36:33.140
think maybe I'm forgetting that it's like I think it's it's on me and I'm not trusting myself but

511
00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:39.240
I've I've I've worked with the Lord and I've done the hard work and we've worked together and

512
00:36:39.240 --> 00:36:46.260
talked and partnered and I just need to trust that yeah I I guess I'm forgetting that yeah.

513
00:36:47.980 --> 00:36:52.520
Yeah it's a refresher that's all I came to do is give you the refresher we all need it

514
00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:59.580
and the language of God is going to do the in God and I know God it's really a trap we just

515
00:36:59.580 --> 00:37:05.040
don't know and that's why I said the quicker you can change that that language you won't feel that

516
00:37:05.040 --> 00:37:09.600
that you can't do it that language alone says you can't do nothing.

517
00:37:11.540 --> 00:37:16.280
You and that's what that's what you're creating but you're not trying it's a common language

518
00:37:16.500 --> 00:37:23.260
but when you say I know that my God is with me I am God defended I cannot lose because he is

519
00:37:23.260 --> 00:37:28.660
going to lead me right I know that he's with me I'm going to get on his phone and I'm going to

520
00:37:28.660 --> 00:37:35.660
have a real conversation with this man like and I'm not afraid I'm not afraid to share my thoughts

521
00:37:35.660 --> 00:37:41.220
with him I'm not afraid that I can lose God is with me that right there produces something else

522
00:37:41.220 --> 00:37:45.220
in you so I'm not meaning to drag it out but I hope this is helpful to the rest of you all too

523
00:37:46.280 --> 00:37:52.480
because it really that language thing matters. Thank you thank you you're welcome please

524
00:37:52.480 --> 00:37:59.440
let us know how it goes Kim you're gonna do great I will thanks you're welcome Felicia

525
00:37:59.860 --> 00:38:07.920
is Felicia still here I'm here oh see okay I'm here hey girl how was the date

526
00:38:11.040 --> 00:38:14.000
oh my goodness continue to learn so much huh

527
00:38:14.280 --> 00:38:20.120
oh my goodness man I tell you when I'm done with this I'm gonna be like

528
00:38:22.720 --> 00:38:32.080
ebony and I'm excited about that yeah we you know like I said he the officer he drove two and a half

529
00:38:32.080 --> 00:38:39.000
hours and he had a little bit of setback that he had to puff someone before he came so you know he

530
00:38:39.160 --> 00:38:49.260
came so that was integrity but when he came I wish I could do the demonstration he came and then

531
00:38:49.260 --> 00:38:56.640
he came from his truck and then he just started looking at me it was a little dark it was lit

532
00:38:56.640 --> 00:39:01.780
but it was a little dark it was daytime so he came a little later which he told me he was

533
00:39:02.140 --> 00:39:08.980
but then he came out of his truck and he started looking at me from here like tilt his head and he

534
00:39:08.980 --> 00:39:18.300
put his eyes all the way down to my foot and I said why are you looking at me like that and he

535
00:39:18.300 --> 00:39:22.520
had a picture of me because you know we were talking for at least two two and a half maybe

536
00:39:22.520 --> 00:39:27.140
two and a half weeks he said and I said why are you looking at me like that and he said well

537
00:39:29.220 --> 00:39:36.540
um I'm looking because women like to hide themselves and I don't want to think I see you

538
00:39:37.100 --> 00:39:39.260
and then when I go home I didn't

539
00:39:41.960 --> 00:39:48.220
and he said women like to hide themselves because we should allow ourselves to be seen

540
00:39:50.080 --> 00:39:58.320
because either we're big or small so if the man wants to go along with it then they they will

541
00:40:00.860 --> 00:40:08.140
I said, I said, oh, interesting, interesting.

542
00:40:08.260 --> 00:40:10.040
And then I said to him, I said,

543
00:40:10.120 --> 00:40:11.440
what if when you step out of your truck,

544
00:40:11.460 --> 00:40:14.680
I started stripping you to look at you to see what I want.

545
00:40:15.040 --> 00:40:16.160
Would that be nice?

546
00:40:17.700 --> 00:40:19.600
And I said, you know what, maybe you're bored.

547
00:40:19.720 --> 00:40:20.340
Let's go walk.

548
00:40:20.380 --> 00:40:22.060
Like we said, we were going to do and talk.

549
00:40:22.740 --> 00:40:25.640
And then, you know, he was just talking and you know,

550
00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:27.840
but I already knew that was it.

551
00:40:28.440 --> 00:40:29.540
I didn't like the way he,

552
00:40:30.020 --> 00:40:32.540
I don't think that's how you're supposed to look at someone

553
00:40:32.540 --> 00:40:33.620
when you meet with them.

554
00:40:34.360 --> 00:40:37.860
You know, our men, thank God we prayed for them

555
00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:41.600
because honestly, I know other people are praying for them,

556
00:40:41.920 --> 00:40:44.560
but we spend time in the morning here to pray for them

557
00:40:44.560 --> 00:40:47.540
because I heard a lot of things, you know, women

558
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:49.740
and thank God I'm a part of the LYS

559
00:40:49.740 --> 00:40:50.880
who teaches us how to pray.

560
00:40:50.940 --> 00:40:52.660
And I knew how to before,

561
00:40:52.960 --> 00:40:57.300
but it empowers me how to see just their growth

562
00:40:57.300 --> 00:40:58.460
and how they do things.

563
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:01.300
But I will, I still, you know, one of the things I look at

564
00:41:01.300 --> 00:41:04.580
and I said, what if it wasn't me who have a high self-image?

565
00:41:05.580 --> 00:41:06.760
What if it was another woman?

566
00:41:07.680 --> 00:41:10.800
It would have broke their heart and you know,

567
00:41:10.800 --> 00:41:11.480
which it could.

568
00:41:12.020 --> 00:41:12.720
And that's why I said,

569
00:41:12.740 --> 00:41:16.160
it's so important for us as women to build our self-image.

570
00:41:16.380 --> 00:41:17.900
And that's what you guys help us to do

571
00:41:17.900 --> 00:41:19.580
is to build a strong self-image.

572
00:41:20.340 --> 00:41:23.560
And when men like that, when men do those things to us,

573
00:41:24.080 --> 00:41:25.120
we know where to put it.

574
00:41:25.120 --> 00:41:27.260
I walk away and someone said, how was the date?

575
00:41:27.320 --> 00:41:28.920
And I'm like, what date?

576
00:41:29.580 --> 00:41:32.340
I was like, I forget about it.

577
00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:33.300
My friend asked me today,

578
00:41:33.400 --> 00:41:34.760
he said, you didn't tell me about the date.

579
00:41:35.420 --> 00:41:36.760
I swear to God, I forget it.

580
00:41:37.980 --> 00:41:38.960
I forget it.

581
00:41:38.980 --> 00:41:42.820
I didn't remember because I held my head high

582
00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:44.860
and I'm still sweet like pineapple.

583
00:41:45.360 --> 00:41:46.620
Didn't bother me at all.

584
00:41:46.700 --> 00:41:48.400
And I told him, thank you for coming.

585
00:41:49.060 --> 00:41:50.660
Thank you for the effort that you made.

586
00:41:51.380 --> 00:41:53.580
And you know, that was it.

587
00:41:54.660 --> 00:41:55.160
Yeah.

588
00:41:56.200 --> 00:41:56.700
Yeah.

589
00:41:56.700 --> 00:41:57.900
No, I totally understand.

590
00:41:57.980 --> 00:41:59.560
Yeah, that was out of order.

591
00:42:00.540 --> 00:42:01.040
Yeah.

592
00:42:01.380 --> 00:42:05.200
Yeah, that's not a pleasant experience at all.

593
00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:06.320
That is not.

594
00:42:06.720 --> 00:42:07.540
That, yeah.

595
00:42:08.420 --> 00:42:09.360
That is not.

596
00:42:09.440 --> 00:42:09.940
No.

597
00:42:09.940 --> 00:42:11.980
And I didn't feel like I need to discuss it with him.

598
00:42:12.020 --> 00:42:13.300
He knows, he's 59.

599
00:42:13.420 --> 00:42:14.460
I know age doesn't matter.

600
00:42:14.540 --> 00:42:15.660
He has girls too.

601
00:42:15.900 --> 00:42:18.780
But that's just to meet and let us know that,

602
00:42:18.780 --> 00:42:19.740
you know, that's not.

603
00:42:19.800 --> 00:42:21.560
And in the beginning I met with him

604
00:42:21.560 --> 00:42:23.640
because I know you remind us to meet with them

605
00:42:23.660 --> 00:42:26.440
as long as we're safe and we're not, you know.

606
00:42:26.460 --> 00:42:29.620
So I like that, you know, meet with them and to see him.

607
00:42:30.040 --> 00:42:32.820
Let me tell you, I am learning so much how,

608
00:42:33.060 --> 00:42:36.800
even when I'm talking to them on like the chat

609
00:42:36.860 --> 00:42:38.720
and I'm moving into a conversation,

610
00:42:39.220 --> 00:42:42.000
I don't waste time to move it over there.

611
00:42:43.020 --> 00:42:45.640
And one of them, he said, he's a real cowboy.

612
00:42:45.740 --> 00:42:47.120
I was ready for that one.

613
00:42:48.840 --> 00:42:51.180
He said he wants to meet me because he's in Virginia.

614
00:42:51.180 --> 00:42:52.100
And I said, okay.

615
00:42:55.060 --> 00:42:57.840
He, I don't know what he said talking about Jamaican woman.

616
00:42:57.920 --> 00:42:59.800
And then he said he married to a Haitian woman

617
00:43:00.900 --> 00:43:04.960
and she was younger and he kind of paid her to leave.

618
00:43:05.460 --> 00:43:07.680
And I don't know, he was just pitching those things at me.

619
00:43:07.700 --> 00:43:10.620
But then he said, you seem like a good woman.

620
00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:12.480
And I said, what do you mean by that?

621
00:43:12.820 --> 00:43:14.900
You know, I kind of like to ask them what they mean by that.

622
00:43:15.080 --> 00:43:18.260
But anyway, he said he wants to get to know me more.

623
00:43:18.420 --> 00:43:20.680
And then this evening at 7.32, he said,

624
00:43:20.680 --> 00:43:22.140
well, I'm in bed.

625
00:43:23.320 --> 00:43:26.880
I'm in bed and I'm like, okay.

626
00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:28.180
I said, good night.

627
00:43:28.340 --> 00:43:29.120
Have a good rest.

628
00:43:30.720 --> 00:43:30.940
Right.

629
00:43:31.140 --> 00:43:31.980
Going to the gym.

630
00:43:32.540 --> 00:43:34.480
So, you know, those are the things like when they say

631
00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:35.780
his wife left and his wife,

632
00:43:35.940 --> 00:43:37.960
he said he came when she was crying every day.

633
00:43:38.220 --> 00:43:40.260
Why would you want to be in a million dollar home

634
00:43:40.260 --> 00:43:41.260
and you're crying every day?

635
00:43:41.340 --> 00:43:42.940
Well, apparently he showed me why,

636
00:43:43.200 --> 00:43:45.000
because 7.32, you want to get to know someone

637
00:43:45.000 --> 00:43:45.800
and you're in bed.

638
00:43:48.740 --> 00:43:52.160
So easy to see them like, oh my God,

639
00:43:52.160 --> 00:43:55.120
I'm so excited that I can get to see them

640
00:43:55.120 --> 00:43:56.460
and know them from the beginning,

641
00:43:56.460 --> 00:43:59.000
because I'm like, you're going to set time to know someone.

642
00:43:59.080 --> 00:43:59.980
You're going to spend 10 minutes

643
00:43:59.980 --> 00:44:01.840
to talk to them after work, right?

644
00:44:02.220 --> 00:44:02.560
Right.

645
00:44:03.020 --> 00:44:04.040
But you're in bed.

646
00:44:04.120 --> 00:44:06.000
I mean, I know they go to work early and all of that,

647
00:44:06.340 --> 00:44:07.900
but he's in bed 7.32.

648
00:44:07.940 --> 00:44:09.560
I said, good night.

649
00:44:11.540 --> 00:44:12.340
Have a good rest.

650
00:44:12.640 --> 00:44:14.820
I'm going to, I'm going to the gym.

651
00:44:15.020 --> 00:44:15.460
Right.

652
00:44:15.460 --> 00:44:15.780
That's why I'm in bed.

653
00:44:15.780 --> 00:44:15.780


654
00:44:15.780 --> 00:44:16.720
That's why the wife was crying,

655
00:44:17.140 --> 00:44:18.640
apparently, because you were not emotionally there,

656
00:44:18.720 --> 00:44:20.200
even though she was in a million dollar home.

657
00:44:20.940 --> 00:44:23.800
You know, just God help our man and stay high and stay.

658
00:44:24.920 --> 00:44:25.900
Ladies, we can do this.

659
00:44:26.320 --> 00:44:27.780
We're getting our spirit made

660
00:44:27.780 --> 00:44:29.280
and we're learning how to do it.

661
00:44:29.280 --> 00:44:29.980
Thank you.

662
00:44:30.740 --> 00:44:31.180
You're welcome.

663
00:44:31.300 --> 00:44:32.920
Thank you so much for singing, Felicia.

664
00:44:33.000 --> 00:44:33.840
I'm so happy for you.

665
00:44:33.900 --> 00:44:35.480
What number date is this for you?

666
00:44:35.740 --> 00:44:36.560
What's that for you?

667
00:44:37.580 --> 00:44:37.580


668
00:44:38.600 --> 00:44:39.040
Four.

669
00:44:39.360 --> 00:44:40.020
My, my, my.

670
00:44:40.040 --> 00:44:41.360
How things do change.

671
00:44:41.640 --> 00:44:42.080
Yeah.

672
00:44:42.080 --> 00:44:43.820
And then the one, I never forget to tell you

673
00:44:43.820 --> 00:44:45.820
about the one who had brought lunch for me.

674
00:44:46.160 --> 00:44:50.620
You know, he does have a emotional problem.

675
00:44:50.880 --> 00:44:53.280
We're a very sweet guy, love his family and stuff.

676
00:44:53.460 --> 00:44:55.360
But whenever you talk to him,

677
00:44:56.500 --> 00:44:58.900
he gets a little snappy, not rude.

678
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.760
And I do ask him, where's that coming from?

679
00:45:02.860 --> 00:45:04.880
And he said, well, I'm talking to you.

680
00:45:04.900 --> 00:45:06.660
And I think, I didn't think you were on the phone

681
00:45:06.660 --> 00:45:08.120
or you weren't interested.

682
00:45:08.800 --> 00:45:11.520
And he complained a lot about I'm not giving him

683
00:45:11.520 --> 00:45:13.360
the same amount of time he's giving me.

684
00:45:13.360 --> 00:45:16.680
And he's a little bit, you know, rough about it.

685
00:45:16.980 --> 00:45:18.660
And I said to him, I said, but we don't,

686
00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:19.760
where's that coming from?

687
00:45:19.880 --> 00:45:21.440
I keep asking, where is that coming from?

688
00:45:21.540 --> 00:45:22.560
Why are you so frustrated?

689
00:45:23.600 --> 00:45:24.940
And he can't answer me.

690
00:45:24.980 --> 00:45:28.420
So I told him, I said, listen, that's a problem for me.

691
00:45:29.200 --> 00:45:33.780
I want someone who likes to talk about what's going on.

692
00:45:33.860 --> 00:45:35.000
And I said, if you get frustrated

693
00:45:35.000 --> 00:45:36.960
and then you're like, there you go again.

694
00:45:37.040 --> 00:45:39.160
Like if I said to him, why were you frustrated?

695
00:45:40.200 --> 00:45:42.660
He said, there you go again, right there.

696
00:45:43.180 --> 00:45:44.960
It means that you're not a communicator.

697
00:45:45.360 --> 00:45:47.900
You're not willing to talk about the situation.

698
00:45:48.560 --> 00:45:50.540
So I let him know that if you're not gonna,

699
00:45:50.640 --> 00:45:51.900
I said, I'm not looking for that.

700
00:45:51.920 --> 00:45:55.040
I said, sorry, you know, maybe you're a great guy

701
00:45:55.040 --> 00:45:57.820
for someone else, but I am not looking for that.

702
00:45:57.820 --> 00:45:59.300
I'm not looking for that challenge.

703
00:45:59.480 --> 00:46:01.680
You know, I let them know upfront, like you said,

704
00:46:02.340 --> 00:46:02.940
what did you say?

705
00:46:02.940 --> 00:46:04.220
You say something a while ago.

706
00:46:04.540 --> 00:46:05.900
Clarity is kindness?

707
00:46:06.720 --> 00:46:07.740
It's kind, yes.

708
00:46:08.160 --> 00:46:09.620
Clarity is kind and I do believe that.

709
00:46:09.660 --> 00:46:10.220
So that's it.

710
00:46:10.340 --> 00:46:12.700
So I'm getting out there and you know what?

711
00:46:12.700 --> 00:46:16.240
I want this dating site to be my story.

712
00:46:16.320 --> 00:46:18.120
And that's why I'm not giving up on it.

713
00:46:18.120 --> 00:46:20.080
Even though sometimes I feel like I want to,

714
00:46:20.540 --> 00:46:22.780
but I do feel I need to let it be my story.

715
00:46:23.660 --> 00:46:24.780
Oh, that's good.

716
00:46:24.840 --> 00:46:26.160
I'm excited for you.

717
00:46:26.160 --> 00:46:27.600
Thank you, Ebony.

718
00:46:28.480 --> 00:46:29.240
You're welcome.

719
00:46:33.000 --> 00:46:33.000


720
00:46:35.220 --> 00:46:36.840
Wow, Sarah, why are you coming on?

721
00:46:37.440 --> 00:46:39.760
Mika, is your hand still up from the beginning

722
00:46:39.760 --> 00:46:40.780
or were you in?

723
00:46:41.600 --> 00:46:43.500
I put it down and then I put it back up.

724
00:46:43.540 --> 00:46:44.640
I'm sorry for the confusion.

725
00:46:45.480 --> 00:46:46.780
Oh, I'm so sorry.

726
00:46:46.880 --> 00:46:48.940
That means I've been skipping over you, ain't it?

727
00:46:49.320 --> 00:46:49.800
Okay.

728
00:46:51.200 --> 00:46:52.240
I shouldn't have said something,

729
00:46:52.660 --> 00:46:56.000
but I was enjoying listening to the ladies share too.

730
00:46:56.000 --> 00:46:59.320
Okay, I'll get you after Sarah.

731
00:46:59.600 --> 00:47:01.440
I thought, I don't know what I was thinking.

732
00:47:01.740 --> 00:47:02.620
I don't, I didn't know.

733
00:47:03.140 --> 00:47:05.040
Yeah, I do have you on here after Sarah.

734
00:47:05.200 --> 00:47:05.920
Okay, sorry about that.

735
00:47:06.000 --> 00:47:06.640
Go ahead, Sarah.

736
00:47:09.060 --> 00:47:13.420
So I don't have any really updates

737
00:47:13.580 --> 00:47:16.220
with any guys this week or anything like that,

738
00:47:16.940 --> 00:47:19.660
but two questions kind of.

739
00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:24.720
So I was talking to one guy and he,

740
00:47:24.720 --> 00:47:27.000
I live in Arkansas and he lives in North Carolina.

741
00:47:28.440 --> 00:47:31.740
And I just, we were talking for a while on an app

742
00:47:31.880 --> 00:47:34.540
and I just realized I may not be at a point

743
00:47:34.540 --> 00:47:37.380
where I feel like I can do long distance.

744
00:47:37.820 --> 00:47:39.500
And he seems like a great guy.

745
00:47:39.640 --> 00:47:42.100
I have not had an actual phone caller with him or anything.

746
00:47:42.320 --> 00:47:44.420
Anyway, I started telling him about this program.

747
00:47:44.800 --> 00:47:48.800
How do I get him a link for the guy side of things?

748
00:47:50.140 --> 00:47:54.300
What you do is you send him,

749
00:47:55.160 --> 00:48:03.100
you go to resources and let me see something.

750
00:48:04.800 --> 00:48:08.220
Go to resources and you go to LYS affiliate program.

751
00:48:08.800 --> 00:48:11.500
And so you give him your affiliate link.

752
00:48:12.260 --> 00:48:14.440
Okay, so that'll work for men too?

753
00:48:15.540 --> 00:48:15.720
Yes.

754
00:48:16.080 --> 00:48:16.300
Okay.

755
00:48:16.880 --> 00:48:18.520
And then when he, I'm hoping.

756
00:48:19.320 --> 00:48:21.620
But if it doesn't, I'll ask,

757
00:48:21.720 --> 00:48:23.680
let me send Bethany a message.

758
00:48:24.620 --> 00:48:24.620


759
00:48:25.060 --> 00:48:27.100
Carla just told me that I could use that link today

760
00:48:27.100 --> 00:48:27.700
for a guy.

761
00:48:29.100 --> 00:48:29.800
Go ahead.

762
00:48:30.120 --> 00:48:30.660
Someone's talking.

763
00:48:30.880 --> 00:48:32.080
Go ahead, whoever's saying that.

764
00:48:32.080 --> 00:48:33.620
Sorry, I was saying Carla told me

765
00:48:33.620 --> 00:48:36.200
I could use that affiliate link today for a guy.

766
00:48:36.380 --> 00:48:36.980
Oh, okay.

767
00:48:37.220 --> 00:48:37.500
Okay.

768
00:48:38.520 --> 00:48:39.040
Perfect.

769
00:48:39.600 --> 00:48:40.180
Thank you.

770
00:48:41.100 --> 00:48:43.140
So, and then on that same note,

771
00:48:43.180 --> 00:48:44.920
so I'm excited to send him that.

772
00:48:44.920 --> 00:48:50.100
And then I also have a friend that she's a newer friend.

773
00:48:50.580 --> 00:48:51.180
We met at church.

774
00:48:51.320 --> 00:48:53.120
She's also single dating.

775
00:48:53.320 --> 00:48:54.740
Anyway, I'm gonna send her one too.

776
00:48:55.020 --> 00:48:58.040
So I, even though I'm kind of struggling

777
00:48:58.040 --> 00:48:58.900
with the dating thing

778
00:48:58.900 --> 00:49:01.460
cause it's just not many prospects right now.

779
00:49:01.460 --> 00:49:03.740
I will say, I do feel like God's moving

780
00:49:03.740 --> 00:49:04.740
in a lot of other ways

781
00:49:04.740 --> 00:49:07.940
where I've had married friends forever.

782
00:49:08.140 --> 00:49:11.380
And I feel like he's finally bringing some single ones

783
00:49:11.380 --> 00:49:15.320
through church and helping me in that community there.

784
00:49:15.960 --> 00:49:17.660
So I'm thankful for that.

785
00:49:17.840 --> 00:49:20.380
But my other question was,

786
00:49:21.740 --> 00:49:25.160
if I'm trying to tell if this is my pride getting in the way

787
00:49:25.500 --> 00:49:29.180
or if this is a logical thing to think.

788
00:49:29.320 --> 00:49:33.360
But so I've had a couple cases where talking to a guy

789
00:49:33.360 --> 00:49:36.320
on an app and then he'll stop responding.

790
00:49:36.500 --> 00:49:38.600
And then like a week or two later

791
00:49:38.600 --> 00:49:39.880
he'll come back and say something.

792
00:49:40.480 --> 00:49:45.400
I know I've done that before when it's in the past

793
00:49:45.400 --> 00:49:47.800
cause I've dated on dating apps in the past

794
00:49:47.800 --> 00:49:50.600
and I've done it before when I'm not interested in a guy

795
00:49:50.600 --> 00:49:53.300
and then like something's not working out

796
00:49:53.300 --> 00:49:54.040
with somebody else.

797
00:49:54.080 --> 00:49:55.900
And so I go back to that guy

798
00:49:55.900 --> 00:49:57.700
and like, I'm not actually that interested.

799
00:49:57.940 --> 00:49:58.500
I've been there.

800
00:49:58.840 --> 00:49:59.980
So that's how I.

801
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.300
I feel like the guys that are doing that,

802
00:50:02.380 --> 00:50:03.660
I feel like they're not interested,

803
00:50:03.840 --> 00:50:04.720
they're just bored maybe.

804
00:50:05.300 --> 00:50:07.140
But is that my pride getting in the way?

805
00:50:07.400 --> 00:50:10.320
Should I give him another chance, talk to him again, or?

806
00:50:12.340 --> 00:50:13.340
I don't know.

807
00:50:13.560 --> 00:50:15.440
I can't say that it's pride.

808
00:50:15.940 --> 00:50:16.740
And I think that,

809
00:50:23.020 --> 00:50:25.200
I think that what it speaks to

810
00:50:25.200 --> 00:50:27.220
is that you weren't the first preference.

811
00:50:27.400 --> 00:50:28.960
That's probably what you're feeling.

812
00:50:28.960 --> 00:50:30.380
I don't want to say that.

813
00:50:30.680 --> 00:50:33.600
And everybody desires to be of first preference.

814
00:50:34.240 --> 00:50:36.060
And so I'm not gonna say that.

815
00:50:36.300 --> 00:50:38.320
I do know one way you can fix it

816
00:50:38.320 --> 00:50:41.660
is if they don't talk to you after a week

817
00:50:41.660 --> 00:50:44.800
or something, just unfriend them in the app.

818
00:50:44.820 --> 00:50:45.320
That's true.

819
00:50:46.280 --> 00:50:48.160
If you're gonna find that you're torn

820
00:50:48.160 --> 00:50:49.720
whether to talk back to them or not.

821
00:50:50.480 --> 00:50:53.080
So I am, let me tell you a little bit about my personality.

822
00:50:53.320 --> 00:50:55.960
If I feel like something is gonna put me in a spot

823
00:50:55.960 --> 00:50:57.180
where I don't know what to do

824
00:50:57.180 --> 00:50:58.140
or cause me any kind of confusion,

825
00:50:58.140 --> 00:50:59.360
I'll cut it out.

826
00:50:59.360 --> 00:51:01.640
I'll come with a reasonable amount of time

827
00:51:01.640 --> 00:51:04.780
and say, okay, if this person hasn't talked to me a week

828
00:51:04.780 --> 00:51:06.220
that shows me they're not interested.

829
00:51:06.440 --> 00:51:08.340
If this person hasn't talked to me within two weeks

830
00:51:08.460 --> 00:51:09.860
that shows me they're not interested.

831
00:51:10.020 --> 00:51:11.340
I'm willing to give them two weeks

832
00:51:11.340 --> 00:51:12.180
so they may be busy.

833
00:51:12.260 --> 00:51:13.020
They may go out of town.

834
00:51:13.120 --> 00:51:14.640
They may not get on the app until the weekend.

835
00:51:14.840 --> 00:51:15.900
That's how I was.

836
00:51:16.260 --> 00:51:18.540
So my work, I didn't talk through the week.

837
00:51:18.600 --> 00:51:20.340
I didn't have the capacity for it

838
00:51:20.940 --> 00:51:22.920
because I get to teach young minds.

839
00:51:23.700 --> 00:51:26.940
But I was a little hit and miss

840
00:51:26.940 --> 00:51:28.580
and I was quick to move out of the app

841
00:51:28.580 --> 00:51:29.880
because if I'm gonna get to know somebody

842
00:51:29.880 --> 00:51:31.120
I wasn't gonna be able to do the app.

843
00:51:31.460 --> 00:51:33.020
So I would set a reasonable time.

844
00:51:33.440 --> 00:51:36.080
Okay, in two weeks if they haven't, I just block them.

845
00:51:36.260 --> 00:51:37.160
It's not a hard thing.

846
00:51:37.320 --> 00:51:38.920
It's just that so that I won't go back.

847
00:51:39.080 --> 00:51:40.140
Should I talk to you again?

848
00:51:40.400 --> 00:51:41.460
Should I not talk to you again?

849
00:51:42.180 --> 00:51:42.440
Okay.

850
00:51:43.480 --> 00:51:45.020
Hilda says she does it in three days.

851
00:51:45.140 --> 00:51:48.440
So yeah, so but pick whatever you're comfortable with.

852
00:51:48.820 --> 00:51:49.340
Pick that.

853
00:51:49.740 --> 00:51:49.980
Okay.

854
00:51:50.400 --> 00:51:50.640
Yeah.

855
00:51:51.220 --> 00:51:52.080
And- That helps.

856
00:51:52.580 --> 00:51:52.980
That helps.

857
00:51:52.980 --> 00:51:53.980
Do you have another question?

858
00:51:55.600 --> 00:51:56.000
No.

859
00:51:56.560 --> 00:51:58.220
Okay, this wasn't to rush you.

860
00:51:58.540 --> 00:51:59.780
No, no, yeah, this wasn't to rush you.

861
00:51:59.820 --> 00:52:01.080
I just wanna ask something.

862
00:52:01.440 --> 00:52:03.240
You know, this process, this journey,

863
00:52:03.560 --> 00:52:04.680
we talked about this.

864
00:52:04.980 --> 00:52:06.080
It is definitely a faith journey.

865
00:52:06.580 --> 00:52:10.520
But one of the things that I think I'm gaining insight on

866
00:52:10.520 --> 00:52:14.980
is when we sign up to partnership with the Lord,

867
00:52:17.560 --> 00:52:19.980
his marriage is easy for him,

868
00:52:20.720 --> 00:52:24.240
but his goal isn't marriage, it's you.

869
00:52:24.240 --> 00:52:25.100
Mm-hmm.

870
00:52:25.480 --> 00:52:29.680
And I know we feel like, okay, I got a program.

871
00:52:30.080 --> 00:52:30.720
Do it now.

872
00:52:30.860 --> 00:52:32.020
Now, do your part, God.

873
00:52:32.540 --> 00:52:32.760
Bring him.

874
00:52:33.020 --> 00:52:33.580
Where is he?

875
00:52:34.120 --> 00:52:34.340
Bring him.

876
00:52:34.620 --> 00:52:35.580
He ain't showed up.

877
00:52:35.760 --> 00:52:36.160
Where he at?

878
00:52:36.480 --> 00:52:37.100
Bring him.

879
00:52:37.200 --> 00:52:38.620
And so then it comes down to,

880
00:52:38.940 --> 00:52:40.680
is God your vehicle to your husband?

881
00:52:40.860 --> 00:52:43.800
Or is he the one you're in partnership with for your life?

882
00:52:44.540 --> 00:52:50.600
You are speaking to me because I have,

883
00:52:51.320 --> 00:52:52.700
I'm trying not to cry right now,

884
00:52:52.700 --> 00:52:55.800
but in the past week or two,

885
00:52:56.820 --> 00:53:01.160
totally have realized how I've idolized marriage.

886
00:53:01.480 --> 00:53:02.380
And I'm almost,

887
00:53:02.780 --> 00:53:05.980
it's almost like I've gotten closer to God in the past year

888
00:53:06.060 --> 00:53:08.860
as a means to an end to get a husband.

889
00:53:09.600 --> 00:53:11.660
And I don't wanna be like that.

890
00:53:11.700 --> 00:53:14.220
And so I'm trying to figure out how to balance

891
00:53:14.220 --> 00:53:17.500
still trying to date without making that

892
00:53:17.500 --> 00:53:19.880
the only reason I'm close to God.

893
00:53:20.780 --> 00:53:22.320
I don't know if that makes sense,

894
00:53:22.320 --> 00:53:29.840
but he has convicted me this past week or two that,

895
00:53:31.660 --> 00:53:34.160
this is not your end goal, Sarah.

896
00:53:34.620 --> 00:53:38.260
Like this, your end goal is to get your purpose in me

897
00:53:38.260 --> 00:53:41.400
and figure out what that is and live for him.

898
00:53:41.620 --> 00:53:42.860
And so, yeah.

899
00:53:43.060 --> 00:53:43.380
Yeah.

900
00:53:43.740 --> 00:53:44.260
Yeah.

901
00:53:44.260 --> 00:53:45.220
Well, I'm glad.

902
00:53:45.680 --> 00:53:45.680


903
00:53:46.120 --> 00:53:46.460
Yes.

904
00:53:46.680 --> 00:53:47.940
And it's a real thing.

905
00:53:47.940 --> 00:53:48.460
It's hard.

906
00:53:49.020 --> 00:53:49.200
For all people.

907
00:53:49.580 --> 00:53:51.900
And yeah, and it's the perspective in your heart.

908
00:53:51.900 --> 00:53:53.180
If you don't know it,

909
00:53:53.280 --> 00:53:56.140
you're gonna find yourself being offended with God,

910
00:53:56.440 --> 00:53:57.440
accusing God,

911
00:53:57.800 --> 00:53:59.880
because you don't even recognize the motive

912
00:53:59.880 --> 00:54:01.660
of what you're operating under.

913
00:54:01.800 --> 00:54:04.220
So if he is the vehicle to the ends,

914
00:54:04.620 --> 00:54:06.360
to the means to getting your spouse,

915
00:54:06.440 --> 00:54:09.560
you're gonna always be in conflict with God

916
00:54:09.560 --> 00:54:11.280
in how he does things.

917
00:54:11.720 --> 00:54:14.460
Because God, if he's gonna put his stamp of approval,

918
00:54:14.540 --> 00:54:16.440
you're gonna say, that's the man that he brought you.

919
00:54:16.640 --> 00:54:19.000
Then he knows he has to stretch you for capacity.

920
00:54:19.160 --> 00:54:21.440
He knows that you don't know the woman that you're,

921
00:54:21.440 --> 00:54:23.420
the more fullness of who you are,

922
00:54:23.720 --> 00:54:25.340
and that you're subject to choose a man

923
00:54:25.340 --> 00:54:26.540
where you are right now.

924
00:54:26.660 --> 00:54:28.680
And in his goodness, he guards you

925
00:54:28.680 --> 00:54:30.440
because the man you would choose today

926
00:54:30.440 --> 00:54:31.500
does not have the capacity

927
00:54:31.500 --> 00:54:33.340
for the woman you'll be in five years.

928
00:54:33.440 --> 00:54:35.780
And God knows just with a little more seasoning,

929
00:54:36.180 --> 00:54:37.820
a little more storms and wind,

930
00:54:38.140 --> 00:54:40.400
a beast of a woman is gonna come out of you.

931
00:54:40.460 --> 00:54:42.040
And the man that you choose today

932
00:54:42.040 --> 00:54:43.940
will not be suitable for where you're going.

933
00:54:44.160 --> 00:54:45.940
But you don't know these things

934
00:54:45.940 --> 00:54:49.080
because God is your vehicle to a means to a husband

935
00:54:49.080 --> 00:54:51.460
instead of the one you partnership and do life with.

936
00:54:51.720 --> 00:54:52.480
And you turn to him and say,

937
00:54:52.540 --> 00:54:55.540
okay, father God, where are we on the journey right now?

938
00:54:55.700 --> 00:54:56.980
What are you developing in me?

939
00:54:57.060 --> 00:54:58.920
I know whatever you're doing is gonna be good

940
00:54:58.920 --> 00:54:59.980
because you're getting me.

941
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.880
somewhere you're taking me somewhere but that is the conflict it is a real conflict because you're

942
00:55:05.880 --> 00:55:12.500
in an active faith journey for a spouse you're believing him for a spouse and you don't put one

943
00:55:12.500 --> 00:55:18.900
down for the other you actually do both at the same time and so that's why when we start realizing

944
00:55:18.900 --> 00:55:23.800
that sometimes marriage can be it'll go back and forth you'll go back and forth and that's why we

945
00:55:23.800 --> 00:55:27.620
have a hard time we pick up the pen and we put it down we pick up the pen guy's writing my love

946
00:55:27.620 --> 00:55:32.540
why I sure can't see how he's writing so I need to do something they tell me I'm on a date why

947
00:55:32.540 --> 00:55:38.540
I'm not getting a date I'm doing exactly what they say I do this abc equals this and then it's

948
00:55:38.540 --> 00:55:46.280
this frustration that come because it's like what you want from me god Susan got married she ain't

949
00:55:46.280 --> 00:55:54.920
have to do all this yes that's exactly you're saying every thought I have had for the past two

950
00:55:55.660 --> 00:56:02.260
every thought most all women have and then it's well maybe I had my time maybe I had and I passed

951
00:56:02.260 --> 00:56:05.480
it up I should have did it when I was young I should have stuck with it I should have

952
00:56:07.140 --> 00:56:13.640
and then you hear Jackie say God's gonna do it marriage it's not a hard thing and it's like oh

953
00:56:13.920 --> 00:56:20.920
yeah sure it's not a hard thing but she's seen God prove himself so much that she knows that

954
00:56:21.700 --> 00:56:28.140
hard thing but we do know what is the challenging thing is us because we don't stay out of the way

955
00:56:28.140 --> 00:56:33.260
long enough and we don't get we don't actually know the process that we're in and because we

956
00:56:33.260 --> 00:56:38.920
don't know the process that we're in we haven't bought into the process yet yep but God is so

957
00:56:38.920 --> 00:56:45.140
gracious and kind that he keeps walking with us in the process and he's not asking you to not choose

958
00:56:45.140 --> 00:56:50.620
a spouse he's not asking you to just walk this way he's just saying let's take the journey

959
00:56:51.260 --> 00:56:57.740
and we'll come to an expected end yep we'll come to the expected end and so I just want to

960
00:56:57.740 --> 00:57:02.960
encourage y'all in there because it is a real conflict it can be a real conflict happening

961
00:57:02.960 --> 00:57:12.400
within you um about how all of this is going and perspective shifts the heart and puts it in a

962
00:57:12.400 --> 00:57:17.940
position to be able to receive the goodness of what God is doing what he wants to do and what

963
00:57:17.940 --> 00:57:23.900
he will do in your life it literally will shift you and put you at a place where you can stop

964
00:57:23.900 --> 00:57:28.700
being offended with your father when you can stop worrying with the one that you say you trust and

965
00:57:28.700 --> 00:57:34.120
you're depending on to make something happen and he's not trying to make something happen he is

966
00:57:34.120 --> 00:57:40.840
trying to fulfill a greater purpose in you and guess what marriage is in there too your fear

967
00:57:40.840 --> 00:57:50.120
that marriage is not in there is the problem but it is I don't worry you are speaking right to me

968
00:57:50.120 --> 00:57:55.980
tonight I was so mad at him last night I was in such a mood I was so mad at him why are you doing

969
00:57:55.980 --> 00:58:01.680
this to me and no because it's not the point marriage is not the point I thought I had done

970
00:58:01.680 --> 00:58:11.300
the hard work but I this phase two is this is some serious artwork so I know hard work doesn't

971
00:58:11.300 --> 00:58:18.640
stop and you need these things to come irritant against you yeah so what's in you can come out

972
00:58:19.580 --> 00:58:24.660
and got to put in or all these other things can bubble up and come out so those true things that

973
00:58:24.660 --> 00:58:28.920
are within you can live and so I just want to say that I don't I don't want to take time up from

974
00:58:28.920 --> 00:58:36.860
other questions but thank you because you spoke everything you said has been my thoughts the past

975
00:58:36.860 --> 00:58:40.120
couple two weeks so thank you you're welcome Sarah

976
00:58:42.360 --> 00:58:43.020
Mika

977
00:58:45.480 --> 00:58:48.560
wow I love that I love that I tried to put on my camera

978
00:58:49.880 --> 00:58:55.400
oh I know you're driving I pulled I pulled over so I'm at my destination but um

979
00:58:56.310 --> 00:59:04.630
yeah um uh my question is so I went to this um event that was for uh Christian Singles it was

980
00:59:04.630 --> 00:59:10.670
actually in Pennsylvania I think it was like I'm sorry it was like I think it was like southern

981
00:59:10.690 --> 00:59:16.770
New Jersey or middle New Jersey and um basically it starts off where we had like a breakfast where

982
00:59:16.950 --> 00:59:23.350
everyone's sitting and there was this gentleman he had actually um he's he didn't identify as

983
00:59:24.310 --> 00:59:30.150
Jewish but he said he actually converted to Christianity because a Jew Jews for Jesus

984
00:59:30.150 --> 00:59:34.670
witnessed to him so he was just sharing his whole testimony and sharing showing us all the pictures

985
00:59:34.670 --> 00:59:38.390
so it was male and female we were just sitting and we had just finished breakfast

986
00:59:38.930 --> 00:59:44.410
and um and hey I just thought he was kind of cute and he's you know he was made an effort to ask me

987
00:59:44.410 --> 00:59:51.010
about my um he asked what did he ask he asked why did I like animals it was something off

988
00:59:51.010 --> 00:59:55.650
off the cuff and um and then I mentioned that I had been to Israel before

989
00:59:55.830 --> 00:59:59.810
and we were kind of chatting a little bit but it was kind of like it wasn't really a date

990
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.880
because like other people were kind of chiming in too.

991
01:00:02.960 --> 01:00:04.460
So it was kind of like a shared conversation.

992
01:00:04.860 --> 01:00:05.840
So it doesn't count.

993
01:00:05.960 --> 01:00:06.760
It's not my one.

994
01:00:08.000 --> 01:00:10.580
But afterward, we went to visit the animals

995
01:00:11.060 --> 01:00:12.580
in like an animal shelter.

996
01:00:12.800 --> 01:00:14.280
And so the lady was putting it together.

997
01:00:14.960 --> 01:00:15.620
She organized that.

998
01:00:15.720 --> 01:00:16.820
So I thought that was kind of cool.

999
01:00:17.600 --> 01:00:19.700
And I kind of was like noticing him,

1000
01:00:19.700 --> 01:00:22.020
but I thought he was maybe checking someone else out

1001
01:00:22.020 --> 01:00:23.160
or just talking to someone else.

1002
01:00:23.720 --> 01:00:25.660
And I ended up just kind of gravitating

1003
01:00:25.660 --> 01:00:30.100
toward this other group of people or on the other side.

1004
01:00:30.780 --> 01:00:32.980
And, but more toward the end, when we're heading out,

1005
01:00:33.140 --> 01:00:34.940
he was leaving at the same time I was.

1006
01:00:35.280 --> 01:00:38.000
And I heard him singing, humming a song.

1007
01:00:39.100 --> 01:00:41.420
So, and he was walking not too far from me.

1008
01:00:41.440 --> 01:00:43.280
And I was thinking about what you,

1009
01:00:43.460 --> 01:00:45.040
one of the activations in the recording

1010
01:00:45.200 --> 01:00:47.360
to do something out of the ordinary.

1011
01:00:47.440 --> 01:00:49.400
It's okay to like, you kind of gave us permission

1012
01:00:49.400 --> 01:00:51.620
to start conversations with a guy.

1013
01:00:51.680 --> 01:00:55.220
It's not, doesn't mean that you're like leading them on.

1014
01:00:55.220 --> 01:00:57.640
And I think I did have those recorders in my head

1015
01:00:58.480 --> 01:00:58.920
somehow.

1016
01:00:59.860 --> 01:01:02.160
And so I asked him, I said, I said,

1017
01:01:02.180 --> 01:01:03.940
oh, he's a worshiper too,

1018
01:01:04.220 --> 01:01:06.040
which is totally just not me to do that.

1019
01:01:06.760 --> 01:01:07.640
Just the opposite.

1020
01:01:08.320 --> 01:01:11.120
And he said, I said, no, I said, oh, he sings too.

1021
01:01:11.180 --> 01:01:11.700
That's what I said.

1022
01:01:11.760 --> 01:01:12.400
I didn't say worship.

1023
01:01:12.460 --> 01:01:13.780
I said, he sings too.

1024
01:01:14.100 --> 01:01:19.060
And he said, so this is my win, I guess I'm sharing too.

1025
01:01:19.180 --> 01:01:21.820
But he said, I love to worship.

1026
01:01:22.460 --> 01:01:23.780
And then I loved it.

1027
01:01:24.380 --> 01:01:25.420
Oh, that's nice.

1028
01:01:26.260 --> 01:01:27.360
I don't know what else to say.

1029
01:01:27.460 --> 01:01:28.120
I went blank.

1030
01:01:28.420 --> 01:01:29.460
I went blank.

1031
01:01:29.760 --> 01:01:35.140
So my question is, what would you have thought

1032
01:01:35.140 --> 01:01:38.120
would have been a good way to keep the conversation going

1033
01:01:38.920 --> 01:01:43.260
that would have been not too forward appropriate

1034
01:01:43.260 --> 01:01:45.960
for someone that I'm just meeting for the first time.

1035
01:01:46.180 --> 01:01:48.000
We never really, you know,

1036
01:01:48.000 --> 01:01:50.000
we were having a few conversations here and there,

1037
01:01:50.000 --> 01:01:52.580
not really engaging the entire event though.

1038
01:01:54.580 --> 01:01:56.740
Yeah, so just any kind of suggestions you could,

1039
01:01:57.380 --> 01:01:59.840
where I am planning on going to other events

1040
01:01:59.840 --> 01:02:01.420
that they may have in the area

1041
01:02:01.420 --> 01:02:02.800
and he's planning on going to,

1042
01:02:03.160 --> 01:02:04.860
cause I found that out from what I was hearing.

1043
01:02:06.340 --> 01:02:07.340
So that's one question.

1044
01:02:07.400 --> 01:02:08.580
Then the other question, if there's time,

1045
01:02:09.740 --> 01:02:12.140
is if you have ever had an experience

1046
01:02:12.140 --> 01:02:14.640
where you'll stop yourself in those moments

1047
01:02:14.640 --> 01:02:16.360
where you can keep the conversation going,

1048
01:02:17.320 --> 01:02:19.660
how did you get away from that?

1049
01:02:19.660 --> 01:02:21.840
Because I can, now that I think back,

1050
01:02:21.860 --> 01:02:24.700
someone can take that as, oh, she must not like me.

1051
01:02:24.900 --> 01:02:27.100
And I imagine I have done that probably

1052
01:02:27.100 --> 01:02:29.120
in the past before HeartWork.

1053
01:02:30.060 --> 01:02:30.540
Yeah.

1054
01:02:32.040 --> 01:02:35.200
And so I'm glad that you had the conversation

1055
01:02:35.200 --> 01:02:36.600
that sounded fun.

1056
01:02:37.000 --> 01:02:39.000
Yeah, it was fun to step out of the comfort zone.

1057
01:02:39.060 --> 01:02:40.540
And then after it, I was like, uh-oh.

1058
01:02:40.660 --> 01:02:41.680
I don't know what to say.

1059
01:02:43.320 --> 01:02:45.400
I think that you can say,

1060
01:02:45.520 --> 01:02:48.180
I think one of the most powerful things we can do

1061
01:02:48.180 --> 01:02:49.080
is be ourself.

1062
01:02:50.460 --> 01:02:52.080
And I know that,

1063
01:02:53.760 --> 01:02:56.640
it takes a conscious effort to just be you.

1064
01:02:57.140 --> 01:03:00.360
And so when you run out of words to say,

1065
01:03:00.760 --> 01:03:03.420
say, I don't even know what to say right now.

1066
01:03:03.800 --> 01:03:05.600
Let's just have a moment of silence

1067
01:03:05.600 --> 01:03:06.940
until I gather myself.

1068
01:03:08.140 --> 01:03:08.700
Like, right?

1069
01:03:08.700 --> 01:03:12.260
And so you don't have to be on people.

1070
01:03:12.520 --> 01:03:15.920
What comes from a heart flows out from the heart.

1071
01:03:15.940 --> 01:03:17.300
It's a heart to heart thing.

1072
01:03:17.820 --> 01:03:19.280
People know when you're being vulnerable

1073
01:03:19.280 --> 01:03:21.020
and they just be like, yeah, they're fine.

1074
01:03:21.200 --> 01:03:22.160
They're fine with me.

1075
01:03:22.540 --> 01:03:23.960
Just be who you are.

1076
01:03:24.000 --> 01:03:26.920
And I do want you to lean into just being who you are

1077
01:03:27.060 --> 01:03:28.920
and saying what you would say.

1078
01:03:29.880 --> 01:03:32.660
And if you said it and it was goofy, guess what?

1079
01:03:32.800 --> 01:03:34.080
Then Mika is goofy.

1080
01:03:34.540 --> 01:03:36.660
That's what makes Mika who she is.

1081
01:03:37.120 --> 01:03:39.060
When Mika run out of words to say,

1082
01:03:39.120 --> 01:03:41.400
yeah, that's what makes Mika who she is.

1083
01:03:41.440 --> 01:03:42.660
I remember one time I ran up,

1084
01:03:42.760 --> 01:03:44.360
I'm gonna hurry up because I know we got short time.

1085
01:03:44.360 --> 01:03:47.860
I had told myself this guy, he was fine.

1086
01:03:48.120 --> 01:03:50.040
And I was like, this was some years ago,

1087
01:03:50.080 --> 01:03:51.480
maybe like six years ago.

1088
01:03:51.640 --> 01:03:52.840
I don't know what I was thinking.

1089
01:03:52.860 --> 01:03:55.060
I was like, I was having these thoughts in my head.

1090
01:03:55.180 --> 01:03:57.000
Oh, that guy's not gonna wanna talk to you

1091
01:03:57.000 --> 01:03:58.020
because you're fat.

1092
01:03:58.100 --> 01:03:59.580
Like, those are the thoughts in my mind.

1093
01:03:59.840 --> 01:04:01.140
That guy's not gonna wanna talk to you

1094
01:04:01.140 --> 01:04:02.400
because you're big.

1095
01:04:03.180 --> 01:04:06.200
And I said, I'm not gonna let these thoughts run me.

1096
01:04:06.460 --> 01:04:08.520
Like I had been meditating on not letting my thoughts

1097
01:04:08.520 --> 01:04:10.120
tell me this guy's so fine.

1098
01:04:10.360 --> 01:04:12.740
I said, I'm gonna go up and ask him for his number.

1099
01:04:12.740 --> 01:04:15.160
Like I had never done nothing like that before.

1100
01:04:15.860 --> 01:04:17.960
So I talked myself into it.

1101
01:04:17.960 --> 01:04:21.220
I jumped up and I said, do you have a girlfriend?

1102
01:04:21.380 --> 01:04:22.860
I didn't even know he said, yeah.

1103
01:04:23.380 --> 01:04:24.980
It's you, he said, yeah.

1104
01:04:25.020 --> 01:04:27.700
I thought he said, no, my mind didn't hear nothing.

1105
01:04:27.740 --> 01:04:29.220
I was like, can I have your number?

1106
01:04:29.260 --> 01:04:30.340
He was like, yeah.

1107
01:04:30.640 --> 01:04:32.060
He gave me his number.

1108
01:04:32.260 --> 01:04:34.080
I was like, I did it.

1109
01:04:34.120 --> 01:04:35.920
And when I sat back down in my desk, I said,

1110
01:04:36.140 --> 01:04:40.800
what the man, did he say he had a girl?

1111
01:04:43.100 --> 01:04:43.540
Yeah.

1112
01:04:45.400 --> 01:04:47.200
So he texts me and I was like,

1113
01:04:47.200 --> 01:04:49.480
I was like, did you say you had a girlfriend?

1114
01:04:49.920 --> 01:04:52.400
And he was like, yeah, but it's not a problem.

1115
01:04:53.360 --> 01:04:55.160
And I said, I think it is.

1116
01:04:56.160 --> 01:04:57.760
And then I was like, look,

1117
01:04:57.900 --> 01:04:59.980
I just wanted to prove to myself that I could.

1118
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:00.880
Talk to somebody.

1119
01:05:01.460 --> 01:05:02.580
I said, we're not.

1120
01:05:02.720 --> 01:05:05.680
Well, I don't know if I said that's who I would be now

1121
01:05:05.680 --> 01:05:07.160
to say something like that.

1122
01:05:07.180 --> 01:05:08.780
I ended up trying to find, I just told,

1123
01:05:08.840 --> 01:05:10.620
oh, I told him, I said, oh, you talking to somebody

1124
01:05:10.620 --> 01:05:11.820
that I don't really wanna get involved

1125
01:05:11.820 --> 01:05:12.760
with anything like that.

1126
01:05:13.060 --> 01:05:17.600
But anyway, so that's the same example of me just was like,

1127
01:05:17.680 --> 01:05:19.600
my mouth already focused on one thing.

1128
01:05:19.660 --> 01:05:20.900
I didn't hear nothing he said.

1129
01:05:21.180 --> 01:05:24.300
All I had in my mind was I was gonna defeat the lies

1130
01:05:24.300 --> 01:05:28.060
that told me that somebody wasn't gonna desire me,

1131
01:05:28.060 --> 01:05:29.980
that they couldn't speak for themselves

1132
01:05:29.980 --> 01:05:31.240
if they didn't want me and say,

1133
01:05:31.460 --> 01:05:32.980
hey, I don't wanna get to know you.

1134
01:05:33.360 --> 01:05:35.960
My whole goal was to conquer the lies

1135
01:05:35.960 --> 01:05:37.340
of the enemy in my head.

1136
01:05:37.520 --> 01:05:38.720
I accomplished it.

1137
01:05:38.940 --> 01:05:41.820
I'm just sharing that sometimes we get caught up

1138
01:05:41.820 --> 01:05:44.120
when we're stepping out, doing something new.

1139
01:05:44.380 --> 01:05:45.480
You're lost for words.

1140
01:05:45.800 --> 01:05:47.040
You don't know what to say next.

1141
01:05:47.160 --> 01:05:49.400
And all I'm saying, Mika, is that it's okay too.

1142
01:05:49.620 --> 01:05:51.340
Cause it's a really funny story.

1143
01:05:51.480 --> 01:05:52.380
Thank you ladies.

1144
01:05:53.480 --> 01:05:55.720
But yeah, but you can always say,

1145
01:05:55.740 --> 01:05:56.780
I'm lost for words.

1146
01:05:56.780 --> 01:05:58.240
I can't believe that you're a worship leader

1147
01:05:58.240 --> 01:05:59.600
because I would just think to myself,

1148
01:06:00.020 --> 01:06:00.820
is he a worshiper?

1149
01:06:03.520 --> 01:06:05.300
And then you can always say,

1150
01:06:05.420 --> 01:06:08.420
if it's something about them that you have experience with,

1151
01:06:08.500 --> 01:06:09.500
you can share that.

1152
01:06:09.560 --> 01:06:10.720
You can be like, oh, that's pretty cool.

1153
01:06:10.760 --> 01:06:11.980
You can just say, that's really cool.

1154
01:06:12.300 --> 01:06:13.500
I admire that.

1155
01:06:13.600 --> 01:06:14.220
I like that.

1156
01:06:14.280 --> 01:06:15.900
What got you involved in worship?

1157
01:06:16.400 --> 01:06:17.480
When did you start worship?

1158
01:06:17.760 --> 01:06:20.540
So you can always take the thing that they say

1159
01:06:20.540 --> 01:06:22.020
and ask them when did it start?

1160
01:06:23.020 --> 01:06:25.280
Or what draws them to something?

1161
01:06:25.280 --> 01:06:30.220
If you just want like, you know, small talk conversation.

1162
01:06:31.100 --> 01:06:31.520
That's helpful.

1163
01:06:31.800 --> 01:06:32.740
That's both of those.

1164
01:06:33.440 --> 01:06:34.380
Those are, that's really helpful.

1165
01:06:34.540 --> 01:06:38.880
The story and with the context and the actual tips.

1166
01:06:39.260 --> 01:06:40.020
Just show up.

1167
01:06:40.280 --> 01:06:40.940
Yeah, be Mika.

1168
01:06:43.400 --> 01:06:44.620
Okay, cool.

1169
01:06:45.000 --> 01:06:45.580
Cool, cool.

1170
01:06:46.540 --> 01:06:49.860
This is the L-A-U-R-A, Laura.

1171
01:06:51.160 --> 01:06:51.840
Yes.

1172
01:06:52.840 --> 01:06:53.780
Hey, Laura.

1173
01:06:53.780 --> 01:06:56.500
Hello, it was so good to meet you in person

1174
01:06:56.500 --> 01:06:57.780
on Sunday night.

1175
01:07:00.000 --> 01:07:02.200
And to meet Jackie and David in person too.

1176
01:07:02.680 --> 01:07:03.580
And Helen as well.

1177
01:07:04.360 --> 01:07:06.700
And the elders I was with at the retreat or whatever.

1178
01:07:07.020 --> 01:07:08.920
But, so I think we will all start.

1179
01:07:09.320 --> 01:07:11.720
Ladies definitely go next time if you're able or whatever.

1180
01:07:11.840 --> 01:07:12.200
Yes.

1181
01:07:12.200 --> 01:07:13.300
Because it was awesome or whatever.

1182
01:07:14.820 --> 01:07:18.040
But yeah, because I'm not on apps,

1183
01:07:18.440 --> 01:07:21.820
but I have started asking friends that I trust

1184
01:07:21.820 --> 01:07:23.960
if they know of someone that they would recommend

1185
01:07:23.960 --> 01:07:24.600
that I meet.

1186
01:07:25.580 --> 01:07:27.420
And so Wednesday night when I was like packing,

1187
01:07:27.600 --> 01:07:29.400
getting ready to leave like early Thursday morning,

1188
01:07:30.340 --> 01:07:33.740
I had found some pictures that I was like,

1189
01:07:33.740 --> 01:07:34.980
they were taken like 20 years ago

1190
01:07:34.980 --> 01:07:36.580
of like some friends we used to go to church with.

1191
01:07:36.860 --> 01:07:41.580
And so I texted the husband and wife and yeah.

1192
01:07:43.340 --> 01:07:45.920
And so then just in like texting,

1193
01:07:46.100 --> 01:07:48.840
I happened to ask them if they knew of anyone

1194
01:07:48.980 --> 01:07:50.100
that they would recommend.

1195
01:07:50.100 --> 01:07:53.120
And the husband actually said that there's a single guy.

1196
01:07:53.240 --> 01:07:55.120
His name is David in his fifties.

1197
01:07:55.380 --> 01:07:59.400
And I just turned 57 on Sunday or whatever.

1198
01:07:59.840 --> 01:08:02.220
So I'm gonna go to their church on Sunday.

1199
01:08:03.400 --> 01:08:03.400


1200
01:08:04.020 --> 01:08:04.420
Yay.

1201
01:08:04.420 --> 01:08:06.000
And they're gonna introduce me to David.

1202
01:08:06.360 --> 01:08:07.480
So we'll see how it goes.

1203
01:08:07.740 --> 01:08:08.540
That's gonna be nice.

1204
01:08:08.740 --> 01:08:09.880
Please keep us updated.

1205
01:08:11.620 --> 01:08:12.060
I will.

1206
01:08:14.840 --> 01:08:17.240
Well, mine was on Sunday night.

1207
01:08:17.279 --> 01:08:17.920
Did you just?

1208
01:08:18.000 --> 01:08:18.319
Or Sunday.

1209
01:08:18.319 --> 01:08:18.760
Oh, I did too.

1210
01:08:19.439 --> 01:08:20.439
You did say it was your birthday.

1211
01:08:20.779 --> 01:08:21.279
Yeah, happy birthday.

1212
01:08:22.060 --> 01:08:23.000
Okay, cool.

1213
01:08:23.380 --> 01:08:24.380
All right, keep us updated.

1214
01:08:26.180 --> 01:08:27.540
Thank you, Sarah.

1215
01:08:28.520 --> 01:08:30.319
You have the Laurie with-

1216
01:08:30.319 --> 01:08:31.180
Oh, I definitely will.

1217
01:08:32.620 --> 01:08:33.220
Okay.

1218
01:08:34.899 --> 01:08:36.439
Yeah, did they send a picture?

1219
01:08:39.260 --> 01:08:39.859
No?

1220
01:08:41.080 --> 01:08:41.520
No.

1221
01:08:42.220 --> 01:08:42.760
Laurie?

1222
01:08:43.180 --> 01:08:45.479
No, I didn't see a picture.

1223
01:08:45.660 --> 01:08:47.540
I'm trying not to like-

1224
01:08:48.960 --> 01:08:49.920
That's helpful.

1225
01:08:49.939 --> 01:08:51.160
I'm just gonna go and like-

1226
01:08:51.160 --> 01:08:52.000
Yeah, just go.

1227
01:08:52.060 --> 01:08:53.899
And meet him or whatever.

1228
01:08:54.740 --> 01:08:55.240
Yeah.

1229
01:08:55.640 --> 01:08:56.140
Yeah.

1230
01:08:56.140 --> 01:08:57.859
The worst that could happen is if he didn't have-

1231
01:08:57.859 --> 01:08:59.680
Yeah, cause otherwise like if I see a photo

1232
01:08:59.680 --> 01:09:03.220
and then like I have like these like, yeah.

1233
01:09:03.740 --> 01:09:04.180
Yeah.

1234
01:09:04.180 --> 01:09:06.819
Cause also like I met someone at our church like years ago.

1235
01:09:06.840 --> 01:09:10.260
I mean, I was married and his name was John.

1236
01:09:10.560 --> 01:09:14.160
And like when I initially met him before I got married,

1237
01:09:15.960 --> 01:09:18.080
yeah, like I wasn't really interested in him.

1238
01:09:18.080 --> 01:09:20.080
I ended up inviting him to like a wedding with me.

1239
01:09:20.160 --> 01:09:22.939
And like he came cause I ended up being home from Italy

1240
01:09:23.580 --> 01:09:25.140
when a girlfriend was getting married.

1241
01:09:26.040 --> 01:09:28.080
And then I regretted that I had invited him

1242
01:09:28.080 --> 01:09:29.979
cause like he's kind of a nerd or whatever.

1243
01:09:30.060 --> 01:09:31.200
I mean, he's a really nice guy.

1244
01:09:32.279 --> 01:09:35.279
And, but over the years when I was having like

1245
01:09:36.520 --> 01:09:38.300
really lows in my marriage,

1246
01:09:38.520 --> 01:09:41.920
I kind of had like an emotional like connection

1247
01:09:41.979 --> 01:09:43.660
with this John guy or whatever.

1248
01:09:43.939 --> 01:09:47.200
And then like, I had to like, just like cut it all off

1249
01:09:47.200 --> 01:09:49.180
or whatever, cause it wasn't like fair

1250
01:09:49.180 --> 01:09:51.399
to like my husband at the time, whatever.

1251
01:09:52.840 --> 01:09:55.040
So, but I just realized,

1252
01:09:58.400 --> 01:09:59.980
even if I'm-

1253
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.840
I'm attracted to somebody like initially that if I get to know a nice person and that

1254
01:10:07.100 --> 01:10:09.860
That that does change like how I see them

1255
01:10:10.600 --> 01:10:14.720
Mm-hmm. Yeah, gotcha. That's cool

1256
01:10:15.860 --> 01:10:17.380
All right

1257
01:10:17.500 --> 01:10:18.740
Laurie T'Challa

1258
01:10:19.240 --> 01:10:21.300
Is that how you say your last name?

1259
01:10:21.860 --> 01:10:23.200
It's Takala

1260
01:10:24.280 --> 01:10:25.040
Takala

1261
01:10:25.180 --> 01:10:25.940
Yeah

1262
01:10:27.440 --> 01:10:33.940
Okay, go for it, yeah, okay, so I went on a date tonight

1263
01:10:34.220 --> 01:10:36.260
like in-person date

1264
01:10:36.620 --> 01:10:43.540
This is a totally new guy actually shared super quick this this afternoon. I

1265
01:10:43.540 --> 01:10:50.660
So, you know that turn on the dime prophecy and what I'll say to preface it is I'm not I am not saying

1266
01:10:50.660 --> 01:10:52.800
Okay, this is it. This is

1267
01:10:52.800 --> 01:10:59.880
From the Lord, but I'm just noticing things so I found a dime on the ground at church on

1268
01:11:02.140 --> 01:11:08.600
Sunday and to be honest with you like I'm like, yeah, whatever like sometimes I know my heart like can be like

1269
01:11:10.080 --> 01:11:11.320
offended or

1270
01:11:12.040 --> 01:11:12.660
Just

1271
01:11:14.100 --> 01:11:15.340
Like I

1272
01:11:15.980 --> 01:11:21.120
Question sometimes that kind of thing like and that doesn't mean that's gonna determine my life, right?

1273
01:11:21.120 --> 01:11:27.600
Right, but but I did find it and I immediately when I saw a dime on the ground

1274
01:11:28.060 --> 01:11:31.640
I thought of the word turn on the dime. So I picked it up

1275
01:11:32.780 --> 01:11:34.640
and stuck it in my purse and

1276
01:11:35.520 --> 01:11:42.960
anyway, the next day I I had opened up my Facebook dating again and the next day I matched with this guy in

1277
01:11:45.520 --> 01:11:46.080
Indiana and

1278
01:11:49.660 --> 01:11:50.220
I

1279
01:11:50.220 --> 01:11:54.100
Started the next day and like we just really hit it off and

1280
01:11:55.140 --> 01:11:59.940
Just had so much fun. Just so light-hearted so easy just like

1281
01:12:00.740 --> 01:12:04.860
so many shared interests, he's an architect and I

1282
01:12:05.820 --> 01:12:08.780
love design like interior design and

1283
01:12:10.000 --> 01:12:12.220
He loves to cook and

1284
01:12:13.160 --> 01:12:16.800
I love to cook and like he sounds like he's a

1285
01:12:16.800 --> 01:12:18.540
great cook and like

1286
01:12:18.540 --> 01:12:24.080
Just like so many just shared interests like the converse and so anyway

1287
01:12:25.260 --> 01:12:28.360
He's like I'm actually heading home now if you want a video

1288
01:12:28.820 --> 01:12:34.500
Chat, I think he said would you if you'd like my number I can send it to you

1289
01:12:35.420 --> 01:12:41.040
And so I said, yeah, sure. That'd be great. I said I'd love to chat sometime or maybe even

1290
01:12:41.480 --> 01:12:46.100
Do a video chat and then he messaged back. He's like I am gonna be home this evening

1291
01:12:46.100 --> 01:12:50.140
Do you want to hop on a video call? So here it is within like

1292
01:12:51.000 --> 01:12:54.180
48 hours. We were on a video call and

1293
01:12:55.300 --> 01:13:02.780
We talked for a couple hours. I know that's totally breaking the rules, but it was just so healthy and easy and

1294
01:13:04.480 --> 01:13:08.300
no weirdness, like no nothing like just

1295
01:13:09.260 --> 01:13:12.820
beautiful and fun and light-hearted and easy and

1296
01:13:13.570 --> 01:13:18.070
No, like yeah, and I just felt like I could totally be myself and

1297
01:13:19.350 --> 01:13:23.750
Then he's like, you know what? I actually am meeting a client up in your

1298
01:13:25.370 --> 01:13:32.370
Area tomorrow, which he was an hour south of here and we met for dinner today. Ah

1299
01:13:32.530 --> 01:13:38.110
And oh my gosh, like so some like exactly the same thing in

1300
01:13:39.270 --> 01:13:44.510
In person is like exactly the same like immediately when I saw him I

1301
01:13:45.810 --> 01:13:46.390
just

1302
01:13:46.910 --> 01:13:49.150
felt great about it and

1303
01:13:50.170 --> 01:13:54.630
It's just his energy is just like he's so humble

1304
01:13:55.190 --> 01:14:00.350
He's humble, but spirited. Does that make sense? Uh-huh

1305
01:14:01.330 --> 01:14:05.710
Just so kind like so kind to the waitress and

1306
01:14:06.740 --> 01:14:09.060
Such a gentleman and

1307
01:14:09.180 --> 01:14:11.760
Like the convert like we he's like I didn't want to leave

1308
01:14:12.420 --> 01:14:14.800
Like so we're definitely gonna be

1309
01:14:16.100 --> 01:14:17.140
continuing on

1310
01:14:17.580 --> 01:14:22.280
Like this is like, you know, I never did message back that guy Ramesh

1311
01:14:23.340 --> 01:14:28.260
Yes, as I thought you know what? I don't feel a connection, but if he does reach out again

1312
01:14:28.940 --> 01:14:30.720
I'll keep on just to

1313
01:14:31.420 --> 01:14:32.260
be discovery

1314
01:14:32.880 --> 01:14:33.940
Yeah, but

1315
01:14:33.940 --> 01:14:36.840
Nothing like this like

1316
01:14:36.980 --> 01:14:41.100
yeah, this is just like a

1317
01:14:41.100 --> 01:14:48.100
Feeling of somebody that would just be such a great companion like just so much fun and he's

1318
01:14:48.760 --> 01:14:53.640
Empathetic and he's he's so caring. He's smart

1319
01:14:54.860 --> 01:14:59.460
But he's like so understated as well, yeah

1320
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.000
And it just has lots of qualities that he's peaceful.

1321
01:15:07.340 --> 01:15:09.420
Yeah, he prayed for our dinner.

1322
01:15:11.060 --> 01:15:14.460
He goes to the same church as my he actually lives like 20

1323
01:15:14.460 --> 01:15:15.660
minutes away from my nephew.

1324
01:15:16.820 --> 01:15:19.940
He goes to the same church. I mean, it's a it's a really big

1325
01:15:19.940 --> 01:15:29.920
church, but yeah. And loves his mom, his dad's no longer here,

1326
01:15:30.020 --> 01:15:36.540
but adores his mom, like, has a great relationship with his

1327
01:15:35.920 --> 01:15:42.480
sister. Like, yeah, like, no problems.

1328
01:15:43.220 --> 01:15:44.560
Yeah, let's see.

1329
01:15:44.880 --> 01:15:50.340
He has been married twice. So he was married for 14 years. And

1330
01:15:50.340 --> 01:15:54.760
then he was married for two years. And then he's been single

1331
01:15:54.760 --> 01:16:00.520
for three. And he did say that his he did say that that and

1332
01:16:00.520 --> 01:16:05.240
this was just like, a few sentences in a text, which I

1333
01:16:05.240 --> 01:16:07.800
wasn't even asking, but I can't remember what we were talking

1334
01:16:07.800 --> 01:16:13.220
but excuse me, but it was. But he said that one was a dumpster

1335
01:16:13.220 --> 01:16:18.680
fire was his terms. And I just said, Oh, I said, I, I said,

1336
01:16:20.160 --> 01:16:23.160
I'm something like, thank you. Thanks for your honesty. I hope

1337
01:16:23.160 --> 01:16:26.840
you're doing hope things are better now. Something like that.

1338
01:16:27.220 --> 01:16:31.240
Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm glad that you're dating someone local.

1339
01:16:33.000 --> 01:16:36.420
Yeah. Well, I mean, it's four hours, but it's not a plane

1340
01:16:36.420 --> 01:16:41.420
ride. Right? It's not a plane ride. Yeah. So that's good. I'm

1341
01:16:41.420 --> 01:16:47.860
excited to hear more about this. Yeah. Yeah. This is good, Laura.

1342
01:16:49.260 --> 01:16:54.360
Yeah, this is really good. Yes. Like no confusion. super clear

1343
01:16:54.360 --> 01:16:58.620
communication. Oh, I know what I was gonna say. He did come in

1344
01:16:58.620 --> 01:17:07.200
for a kiss. Uh huh. At the end. And he was forward but it wasn't

1345
01:17:08.160 --> 01:17:13.880
like a bad forward. It was sweet. Yeah. And it was too

1346
01:17:13.880 --> 01:17:19.080
quick for me. It was just more like a pack. Yeah, yeah. He

1347
01:17:19.080 --> 01:17:22.800
kissed me on the cheek and then he went to my lips. And I think

1348
01:17:22.800 --> 01:17:28.500
I was like, Yeah, he texted. He says, Oh, I'm sorry. I think I

1349
01:17:28.500 --> 01:17:33.880
was too forward. I mean, feeling I definitely feel I feel all the

1350
01:17:33.880 --> 01:17:38.700
great feelings, but I don't know him. Right. So I was just

1351
01:17:38.700 --> 01:17:43.120
gracious with him. And I I said, Hey, I appreciate the

1352
01:17:43.100 --> 01:17:46.980
communication. And I don't remember what else I said. But

1353
01:17:47.240 --> 01:17:52.260
I'm hoping that's not like indicative of something. I don't

1354
01:17:52.260 --> 01:17:55.840
I don't think so. indicative what you mean?

1355
01:17:56.620 --> 01:17:58.020
Have a red flag.

1356
01:17:58.500 --> 01:18:04.460
A red. It's not a red, red flag. It's just how long you've been

1357
01:18:04.460 --> 01:18:05.260
talking to him.

1358
01:18:08.100 --> 01:18:08.660
Days.

1359
01:18:10.960 --> 01:18:16.720
Well, really just two days. Okay. Yeah. So you know, it's that

1360
01:18:16.720 --> 01:18:18.940
phase when you meet somebody you like and they have all these

1361
01:18:18.940 --> 01:18:25.960
highlights. It feels so good. Oh, yeah. So good. Yeah. So some

1362
01:18:25.960 --> 01:18:30.080
parts he may be used to doing things that way. Right? He may

1363
01:18:30.080 --> 01:18:35.060
know, but it wasn't. It wasn't like a large. Well, let me get

1364
01:18:35.060 --> 01:18:38.800
there. So he could be used to doing things that way. He saw a

1365
01:18:38.800 --> 01:18:41.560
pretty woman and when a man sees a pretty woman that he wants to

1366
01:18:41.560 --> 01:18:46.040
kiss her. Now, I don't know what he's used to his dating, how he

1367
01:18:46.040 --> 01:18:50.660
has dated in the past. And that could speak to his approach. But

1368
01:18:50.660 --> 01:18:53.580
when you lay down your boundaries about the approach

1369
01:18:53.580 --> 01:18:57.400
you like, you get an opportunity to see him honor those

1370
01:18:57.400 --> 01:19:00.640
boundaries. So it doesn't necessarily mean at all that

1371
01:19:00.640 --> 01:19:04.260
it's a red flag. It means that that could be the way that he's

1372
01:19:04.260 --> 01:19:07.620
used to doing things in the past. And so it is so important

1373
01:19:08.420 --> 01:19:12.480
that we don't slap a red flag on everything that he's making

1374
01:19:12.480 --> 01:19:16.320
sexual comments to you. That's a totally different thing. But

1375
01:19:16.400 --> 01:19:19.700
when he kissed you on your cheek, Evan, I'm not trying to

1376
01:19:19.700 --> 01:19:23.320
say what you did or didn't do. But the jump back wasn't wasn't

1377
01:19:23.320 --> 01:19:27.020
quick enough. He maybe he felt like she wants more. You

1378
01:19:27.020 --> 01:19:29.800
probably was just being gracious like, Oh, I don't know what to

1379
01:19:29.800 --> 01:19:34.440
do. I didn't expect that. So you probably froze. We were hugging

1380
01:19:34.440 --> 01:19:37.720
and then coming out of the hug. He kissed. Oh, yeah. So that was

1381
01:19:37.720 --> 01:19:42.300
a quick to probably too quick for you to adjust your body or

1382
01:19:42.300 --> 01:19:46.560
100% whatever. And so he could have took that as a cue to go

1383
01:19:46.560 --> 01:19:51.600
in for the lips because he got away with the cheek. But once

1384
01:19:51.600 --> 01:19:55.300
you've explained to him, I'm sure you have that. Next time

1385
01:19:55.300 --> 01:19:58.280
that he thinks that he wants to kiss you, he needs to ask you

1386
01:19:58.820 --> 01:19:59.780
and kiss.

1387
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.340
Right now

1388
01:20:02.100 --> 01:20:06.800
Yeah, yeah, so that's that's what I wanted to say. I wanted to top that out with it

1389
01:20:06.800 --> 01:20:11.620
It's not necessary. So you don't have to be afraid it is a red flag because everything is going so well

1390
01:20:12.060 --> 01:20:15.940
Because truth is you kept it at the forefront. You don't know him

1391
01:20:16.240 --> 01:20:21.700
So all the wonderful things that you noticed about him are just wonderful things that you've noticed

1392
01:20:21.840 --> 01:20:28.860
Yeah, because you really don't know who he is. Those things remain to be seen but you know that he's after a good foot

1393
01:20:30.240 --> 01:20:33.800
And so that's the good thing. Yeah, so

1394
01:20:35.700 --> 01:20:41.200
Yeah, let us know how it goes yeah, it's very fun. Yeah. Enjoy it

1395
01:20:41.200 --> 01:20:46.960
I don't want you to get caught up in it. This is it. This is the stuff. No, I feel I feel at ease

1396
01:20:46.960 --> 01:20:50.120
It wasn't bad energy at all. Yes, it was sweet

1397
01:20:51.080 --> 01:20:55.900
Good. Yeah, okay. Keep me updated. All right. Yay

1398
01:20:56.420 --> 01:20:57.800
Nikki from Florida

1399
01:21:06.200 --> 01:21:06.880
You

1400
01:21:06.880 --> 01:21:09.420
Hey, I'm a knee hey Nikki

1401
01:21:09.420 --> 01:21:16.200
I feel bad if I go next because I raised my hand like just a few minutes ago

1402
01:21:16.200 --> 01:21:21.800
Oh, I wasn't even sure I was gonna share but what you talked to Sarah about

1403
01:21:22.520 --> 01:21:28.220
Resonated with me and I can if there's time I can share at the end. Okay

1404
01:21:30.000 --> 01:21:30.380
Um

1405
01:21:32.000 --> 01:21:33.200
Joanne

1406
01:21:37.220 --> 01:21:40.800
Hello, hey, does that seem about right?

1407
01:21:41.980 --> 01:21:48.080
What do you mean the order yeah, sure, I mean

1408
01:21:48.080 --> 01:21:52.100
I do look better

1409
01:21:52.140 --> 01:21:53.340
Yeah

1410
01:21:53.340 --> 01:21:55.920
Well, I mean like dating

1411
01:21:56.700 --> 01:21:59.220
Goes to ride, you know

1412
01:21:59.240 --> 01:22:05.040
Like I don't know. It just takes me. It's just like anyways, so I'm not like actively dating

1413
01:22:05.600 --> 01:22:08.980
I have a I have more like updates and praise reports

1414
01:22:09.260 --> 01:22:16.420
Like I had a breakthrough with my mom because she's going through cancer, right? So she's very intertwined with like

1415
01:22:17.040 --> 01:22:24.980
How I see myself and dating because she's trying to break me up with men and spoken really negative toxic stuff and very controlling

1416
01:22:24.980 --> 01:22:26.300
and

1417
01:22:26.300 --> 01:22:33.660
Because of what her state we've had really candid conversation. She basically indirectly gave me her blessing to date

1418
01:22:34.120 --> 01:22:39.520
Whoever I think the Lord is bringing me which she's never done in my whole entire life

1419
01:22:40.220 --> 01:22:47.820
She's like really racist. She's like very opinionated and who she thinks I should marry and

1420
01:22:48.080 --> 01:22:51.560
So that was a huge breakthrough for me to be honest

1421
01:22:52.160 --> 01:22:54.000
to feel like this

1422
01:22:54.000 --> 01:22:58.720
Empowering feeling like oh my mom. Trust me. I

1423
01:22:58.720 --> 01:23:04.880
Can make because I think that's where the double-mindedness can come in when I decide on should I be with this?

1424
01:23:05.040 --> 01:23:06.600
Should I date this guy should I not?

1425
01:23:07.060 --> 01:23:09.780
So that's really huge. So I'm like

1426
01:23:10.600 --> 01:23:14.820
Kind of chilling out on dating too because you know, my mom's going through so much

1427
01:23:14.820 --> 01:23:16.840
I'm kind of taking care of a lot of things

1428
01:23:19.000 --> 01:23:19.520
I

1429
01:23:19.520 --> 01:23:27.640
Have a couple questions, but a one really cool thing is I got asked out by this 28 year old on fire

1430
01:23:28.240 --> 01:23:29.940
dude, I mean

1431
01:23:30.460 --> 01:23:34.360
I'm 46 dude. Like this guy had no idea

1432
01:23:35.620 --> 01:23:41.480
Like flatter I was like, whoa, I don't know and I haven't told him yes or anything

1433
01:23:41.480 --> 01:23:46.460
I don't even know if it's a good idea because I like that's that's like 18 years difference

1434
01:23:47.120 --> 01:23:48.320
but um

1435
01:23:48.320 --> 01:23:53.440
Yeah, I I'm not quite sure this is this is the thing I should be doing um

1436
01:23:54.800 --> 01:23:57.600
but something I'm more thinking about is like

1437
01:23:58.520 --> 01:24:05.480
so I have a couple friends that are really close to me and they have seen kind of like a history with me where

1438
01:24:08.000 --> 01:24:10.400
Like I have a lot of I have a lot of guy friends and

1439
01:24:12.120 --> 01:24:12.680
Like

1440
01:24:13.260 --> 01:24:20.240
I'll hang out with him one-on-one. And so they're like, I think you should stop hanging out with guys like one-on-one

1441
01:24:20.660 --> 01:24:24.400
because you're kind of getting like emotional needs from them and

1442
01:24:26.420 --> 01:24:29.500
And if you really want a husband you should like not

1443
01:24:30.280 --> 01:24:33.820
You know open up to them in that way like you should reserve for your husband

1444
01:24:34.820 --> 01:24:37.640
do I mean do you think that's true because

1445
01:24:39.560 --> 01:24:45.020
Like I definitely don't want to be like filling it up with like guys

1446
01:24:45.020 --> 01:24:50.840
You know what? I mean until like I've I'm God's like I'm in this serious relationship kind of thing

1447
01:24:50.920 --> 01:24:58.340
I mean, what are your thoughts about that? Cuz cuz I'm I am going through a hard time. You know what I mean? And

1448
01:24:59.420 --> 01:24:59.980
So

1449
01:24:59.960 --> 01:24:59.980
You

1450
01:24:59.980 --> 01:24:59.980


1451
01:24:59.980 --> 01:24:59.980


1452
01:24:59.980 --> 01:24:59.980


1453
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.840
So if you were dating somebody, this wouldn't be a question,

1454
01:25:03.020 --> 01:25:03.340
right?

1455
01:25:03.340 --> 01:25:05.340
So you were like dating a couple of people.

1456
01:25:06.620 --> 01:25:09.880
So I don't think because you talk to guys

1457
01:25:09.880 --> 01:25:13.400
or have guy friends that it is taking up.

1458
01:25:15.440 --> 01:25:15.960
OK.

1459
01:25:17.440 --> 01:25:20.360
You could have a lot of guy friends

1460
01:25:20.360 --> 01:25:24.940
that you use to meet those needs in your life.

1461
01:25:25.240 --> 01:25:26.760
You could do that.

1462
01:25:27.820 --> 01:25:29.000
That's a possibility.

1463
01:25:29.000 --> 01:25:34.880
If you do that, you're going to show up emotionally

1464
01:25:35.160 --> 01:25:35.920
unavailable.

1465
01:25:36.540 --> 01:25:39.340
You probably won't appear as attractive

1466
01:25:39.520 --> 01:25:42.760
because you don't look like you're needing.

1467
01:25:42.940 --> 01:25:43.780
Does that make sense?

1468
01:25:44.600 --> 01:25:48.400
Because you're filling those voice with those people.

1469
01:25:48.860 --> 01:25:52.560
I don't take you to be that type of person.

1470
01:25:52.660 --> 01:25:54.200
I don't know everything about you,

1471
01:25:54.400 --> 01:25:57.420
but you do share things about yourself.

1472
01:25:57.420 --> 01:26:00.200
So I have not known you to say you've

1473
01:26:00.200 --> 01:26:01.400
been friends with somebody.

1474
01:26:01.760 --> 01:26:04.660
And now you make him like your man without saying it.

1475
01:26:08.040 --> 01:26:10.880
So I was thinking if you were saying

1476
01:26:10.880 --> 01:26:12.880
that the man was your friend, they would just literally

1477
01:26:12.880 --> 01:26:13.580
be your friend.

1478
01:26:15.000 --> 01:26:17.760
Well, I just want to make sure I'm not having like.

1479
01:26:18.000 --> 01:26:19.360
So I have a guy friend.

1480
01:26:19.420 --> 01:26:20.860
He's like 20 years older than me.

1481
01:26:21.900 --> 01:26:24.060
So we're not going to go there.

1482
01:26:24.060 --> 01:26:25.460
But I know he's attracted to me.

1483
01:26:25.460 --> 01:26:28.720
But people will think that because we'll hang out

1484
01:26:28.720 --> 01:26:31.300
like one on one, like for like a couple of hours.

1485
01:26:31.300 --> 01:26:34.120
And then we'll go out and do stuff outside,

1486
01:26:34.260 --> 01:26:35.660
you know, downtown or whatever.

1487
01:26:35.860 --> 01:26:38.620
And people will think, are you guys together?

1488
01:26:39.300 --> 01:26:40.220
You know what I mean?

1489
01:26:41.200 --> 01:26:45.920
And I do feel like I get like this masculine energy

1490
01:26:46.520 --> 01:26:47.600
from him.

1491
01:26:47.880 --> 01:26:49.920
You know, he's like still treats me.

1492
01:26:49.920 --> 01:26:51.300
He's just like that type of guy.

1493
01:26:52.560 --> 01:26:53.640
He's affirming.

1494
01:26:53.640 --> 01:26:56.140
But we talk a lot about dating, to be honest.

1495
01:26:56.400 --> 01:26:58.600
Like, we talk about different people in our lives.

1496
01:26:59.400 --> 01:27:03.740
And so I just want to make sure I'm preparing myself well

1497
01:27:03.740 --> 01:27:04.380
for my husband.

1498
01:27:04.480 --> 01:27:05.100
You know what I mean?

1499
01:27:05.940 --> 01:27:08.820
Yeah, well, it doesn't matter if y'all talk about dating.

1500
01:27:08.900 --> 01:27:10.620
You can talk about dating and still talk

1501
01:27:10.620 --> 01:27:11.780
to the man that you like.

1502
01:27:11.800 --> 01:27:13.340
And he could still be getting something

1503
01:27:13.340 --> 01:27:14.640
meant by talking to you.

1504
01:27:14.700 --> 01:27:16.460
And still talk to you about whoever you're dating,

1505
01:27:16.580 --> 01:27:17.360
whoever you with.

1506
01:27:17.620 --> 01:27:19.480
You know, you got married men who

1507
01:27:19.480 --> 01:27:21.280
talked to their side chick about their wife.

1508
01:27:21.280 --> 01:27:23.740
And they said she could give them advice on their wife.

1509
01:27:23.920 --> 01:27:26.300
So I'm just telling you, like, the dynamic

1510
01:27:26.300 --> 01:27:28.000
that you're talking about is not impossible.

1511
01:27:28.160 --> 01:27:32.480
But the fact that he likes you and that he treats you that way

1512
01:27:32.600 --> 01:27:36.780
because he likes you, but y'all are under the gas of friends,

1513
01:27:36.800 --> 01:27:38.600
but you know that he likes you and he does

1514
01:27:38.600 --> 01:27:40.080
treat you really well, that could

1515
01:27:40.080 --> 01:27:41.460
be a little sticky place.

1516
01:27:43.180 --> 01:27:45.700
So I will be mindful of that.

1517
01:27:45.700 --> 01:27:48.460
Unless when you go out, men are chasing you down

1518
01:27:48.460 --> 01:27:49.780
with a stick, it really doesn't matter

1519
01:27:49.780 --> 01:27:51.560
if you're out in public with this other guy

1520
01:27:51.560 --> 01:27:52.380
that's your friend.

1521
01:27:52.880 --> 01:27:55.740
Unless when you go out, men are always trying to talk to you.

1522
01:27:55.740 --> 01:27:58.540
And unless you're out with this friend of yours

1523
01:27:58.540 --> 01:27:59.760
every single weekend.

1524
01:27:59.860 --> 01:28:02.240
Like, you're tying up your whole life with him.

1525
01:28:03.560 --> 01:28:04.220
OK, so.

1526
01:28:04.220 --> 01:28:04.720
No, no.

1527
01:28:04.760 --> 01:28:07.480
It's, like, at most, like, once every two weeks

1528
01:28:07.480 --> 01:28:08.720
or something like that.

1529
01:28:08.720 --> 01:28:09.500
At most.

1530
01:28:10.480 --> 01:28:12.340
Joanne, that's a regular dating life.

1531
01:28:12.440 --> 01:28:13.160
Wait a minute.

1532
01:28:13.580 --> 01:28:14.500
Oh, really?

1533
01:28:14.500 --> 01:28:15.700
That's too often?

1534
01:28:16.660 --> 01:28:17.220
OK.

1535
01:28:17.220 --> 01:28:18.400
At most.

1536
01:28:18.500 --> 01:28:22.120
OK, so that's why I think my friend was like, Joanne,

1537
01:28:22.280 --> 01:28:24.520
I think you're not dating anyone,

1538
01:28:24.580 --> 01:28:26.360
but you're sort of, like, pseudo-dating,

1539
01:28:26.720 --> 01:28:28.280
even though I'm, like, I'm not dating him.

1540
01:28:28.320 --> 01:28:29.080
But you know what I mean?

1541
01:28:29.080 --> 01:28:31.240
That's why I'm like, I need to be careful,

1542
01:28:31.580 --> 01:28:34.900
especially because I'm more vulnerable, too, with my mom.

1543
01:28:34.960 --> 01:28:36.100
It is very emotional.

1544
01:28:36.260 --> 01:28:39.160
Like, I cry pretty often because she's, you know,

1545
01:28:39.160 --> 01:28:42.280
this is like, I don't know when she's going to die, right?

1546
01:28:44.580 --> 01:28:46.800
So you think I should be careful.

1547
01:28:46.800 --> 01:28:48.000
I should be careful?

1548
01:28:48.840 --> 01:28:51.560
I think that if you want to get to know this person,

1549
01:28:51.780 --> 01:28:53.780
if you like hanging out with them, hang out with them.

1550
01:28:53.820 --> 01:28:55.620
You're not in a relationship with anybody.

1551
01:28:55.800 --> 01:28:56.960
You are a single woman.

1552
01:28:57.360 --> 01:28:58.340
You are very single.

1553
01:28:58.600 --> 01:29:02.820
I think if a man came along and you thought that he was worth

1554
01:29:02.820 --> 01:29:04.900
it, you would go and talk to that man.

1555
01:29:05.120 --> 01:29:08.660
I don't believe that you're tied to whoever this other man is.

1556
01:29:09.340 --> 01:29:11.220
No, I'm definitely not tied to him.

1557
01:29:11.320 --> 01:29:11.600
OK.

1558
01:29:11.600 --> 01:29:13.360
Because I don't want to use, you know,

1559
01:29:13.360 --> 01:29:16.060
I don't want to use, you know, like, friends with benefits.

1560
01:29:16.060 --> 01:29:18.180
I mean, I don't feel he's at that level.

1561
01:29:18.380 --> 01:29:19.080
You know what I mean?

1562
01:29:19.220 --> 01:29:21.360
OK, so this is what you say to him.

1563
01:29:21.900 --> 01:29:23.180
Say, hey, I know we're hanging out,

1564
01:29:23.200 --> 01:29:24.600
but make no mistake about it.

1565
01:29:24.600 --> 01:29:25.980
I would never, ever want you.

1566
01:29:26.180 --> 01:29:28.020
The thought of being with you turns my stomach.

1567
01:29:28.180 --> 01:29:30.240
And let's see how much longer he hang around.

1568
01:29:30.560 --> 01:29:32.100
You won't have to worry about him feeling

1569
01:29:32.100 --> 01:29:33.500
like you're using him then.

1570
01:29:33.500 --> 01:29:36.240
Because you already told him, I would never, ever, ever,

1571
01:29:36.440 --> 01:29:37.800
ever, ever want you.

1572
01:29:39.020 --> 01:29:40.420
I told him we can't be together.

1573
01:29:40.480 --> 01:29:41.980
Yeah, we don't want the same things, right?

1574
01:29:41.980 --> 01:29:42.800
He's so much older.

1575
01:29:42.840 --> 01:29:43.740
He doesn't want kids.

1576
01:29:43.820 --> 01:29:44.720
It's like obvious.

1577
01:29:44.740 --> 01:29:45.200
It's like off the table.

1578
01:29:45.200 --> 01:29:47.440
I hear you say it's obvious.

1579
01:29:47.620 --> 01:29:49.680
But that man knows the reason why you're hanging out

1580
01:29:49.680 --> 01:29:52.560
with him every two weeks, too.

1581
01:29:53.600 --> 01:29:54.560
Men are like women.

1582
01:29:55.000 --> 01:29:56.600
Men say, you're taking up time with me.

1583
01:29:56.620 --> 01:29:58.620
You want something with me.

1584
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:01.300
You gonna give me her time.

1585
01:30:01.380 --> 01:30:02.120
I'm a winner.

1586
01:30:02.300 --> 01:30:03.780
I'm gonna win her over.

1587
01:30:04.060 --> 01:30:04.500
It's something.

1588
01:30:04.700 --> 01:30:05.980
Like, come on, Joanne.

1589
01:30:06.200 --> 01:30:08.380
Now listen, all I need you to do

1590
01:30:08.380 --> 01:30:10.000
when you see him next time,

1591
01:30:10.240 --> 01:30:13.240
you make sure you tell him you'll never, ever,

1592
01:30:13.620 --> 01:30:15.820
ever, ever, ever want him.

1593
01:30:16.180 --> 01:30:18.380
And you just need him to know that

1594
01:30:18.380 --> 01:30:20.880
and say, come on, let's go downtown.

1595
01:30:25.640 --> 01:30:27.880
I mean, you know what's interesting though?

1596
01:30:27.880 --> 01:30:29.140
Another update is like,

1597
01:30:29.220 --> 01:30:31.540
I was feeling so bad about the Tim thing, right?

1598
01:30:32.000 --> 01:30:34.860
And remember I felt so, no, I want to,

1599
01:30:36.020 --> 01:30:38.320
wait, I'm jumping to another topic.

1600
01:30:40.500 --> 01:30:43.160
No, I'm just, so, you know, no,

1601
01:30:43.160 --> 01:30:46.160
but this is really cool because I've been praying,

1602
01:30:46.220 --> 01:30:48.320
like, I do not miss God, right?

1603
01:30:48.320 --> 01:30:49.740
Like, I don't miss, like,

1604
01:30:49.740 --> 01:30:51.200
what if I made a decision in faith

1605
01:30:51.200 --> 01:30:52.180
and I'm like, what's wrong?

1606
01:30:52.860 --> 01:30:55.680
And I made the decision with Tim not to move forward.

1607
01:30:55.680 --> 01:30:58.020
And I felt so bad about our conversation,

1608
01:30:58.200 --> 01:30:59.000
closure conversation.

1609
01:30:59.180 --> 01:30:59.820
Oh my gosh.

1610
01:30:59.820 --> 01:31:01.160
I was like, oh man.

1611
01:31:01.440 --> 01:31:03.320
I didn't fully, fully close the doors.

1612
01:31:03.560 --> 01:31:04.620
Like, there's no chance.

1613
01:31:04.740 --> 01:31:08.620
But he did reach out to me and like, say,

1614
01:31:08.660 --> 01:31:10.920
like, I feel like I'm very thankful

1615
01:31:11.060 --> 01:31:13.140
because I don't think there's any bad blood

1616
01:31:13.140 --> 01:31:15.000
and he's actually trying to be supportive

1617
01:31:15.000 --> 01:31:16.840
in my journey with my mom.

1618
01:31:20.140 --> 01:31:21.820
So, yeah, I don't know.

1619
01:31:21.860 --> 01:31:22.880
Maybe this is a really good,

1620
01:31:22.940 --> 01:31:25.280
I'm thinking this is a really good place for me

1621
01:31:25.840 --> 01:31:28.540
because now I'm not prioritizing dating.

1622
01:31:29.000 --> 01:31:32.340
And I feel like maybe I was too invested emotionally.

1623
01:31:32.660 --> 01:31:34.160
Do you think I was too emotionally invested

1624
01:31:34.160 --> 01:31:35.180
in all these guys?

1625
01:31:36.420 --> 01:31:37.560
Joanne, first of all,

1626
01:31:37.580 --> 01:31:38.980
you don't have to prioritize dating

1627
01:31:38.980 --> 01:31:41.040
because you're going out with a man every two weeks.

1628
01:31:41.180 --> 01:31:42.820
I don't know where you be coming from.

1629
01:31:42.880 --> 01:31:45.380
You have too much time to think and process stuff.

1630
01:31:45.980 --> 01:31:48.700
Furthermore, that guy's probably not best for you

1631
01:31:48.700 --> 01:31:51.520
to be friends with him because he really likes you.

1632
01:31:52.900 --> 01:31:57.300
Now, I'm just, you can do what you want.

1633
01:31:57.440 --> 01:32:00.440
I understand why you're allowing him to support you.

1634
01:32:00.580 --> 01:32:01.820
He was a really great guy,

1635
01:32:01.820 --> 01:32:03.820
but remember the decision you made

1636
01:32:03.820 --> 01:32:05.560
and why you made that decision.

1637
01:32:06.180 --> 01:32:09.580
And so you want to make sure that you keep things at a very,

1638
01:32:09.740 --> 01:32:13.320
if you're going to still be his friend, keep it,

1639
01:32:13.340 --> 01:32:16.020
make sure you stay on the up and up with it.

1640
01:32:16.260 --> 01:32:17.680
With anybody, right?

1641
01:32:17.700 --> 01:32:20.000
With Tim, with my friend, it's like older.

1642
01:32:20.520 --> 01:32:22.440
When you get out, I don't know what if you do,

1643
01:32:22.560 --> 01:32:24.260
like when I get up, I talk to you.

1644
01:32:24.400 --> 01:32:25.380
When I get at work, I talk to you.

1645
01:32:25.560 --> 01:32:28.340
When I like create these patterns with these people,

1646
01:32:28.580 --> 01:32:31.700
putting them in a space to be some type of support

1647
01:32:31.700 --> 01:32:33.820
to you in there, right?

1648
01:32:33.960 --> 01:32:37.860
And so it's not about you being too emotionally invested.

1649
01:32:38.100 --> 01:32:39.400
It's not about any of that.

1650
01:32:39.700 --> 01:32:42.700
This is about you making sure that you hold true

1651
01:32:42.700 --> 01:32:45.440
to this friendship thing that you say that you're doing

1652
01:32:45.480 --> 01:32:47.740
and that the people that you allow to be friends

1653
01:32:47.740 --> 01:32:49.960
are really people you will want to be a friend.

1654
01:32:50.620 --> 01:32:52.720
Because having someone as a friend for me

1655
01:32:52.720 --> 01:32:54.540
is a pretty high qualification.

1656
01:32:55.080 --> 01:32:57.760
You have to actually have something that I can grow from.

1657
01:32:57.920 --> 01:32:59.220
You got to be able to sharpen me

1658
01:32:59.220 --> 01:33:00.620
for me to keep you in my corner

1659
01:33:00.620 --> 01:33:02.320
and to say, I want you to be my friend.

1660
01:33:03.260 --> 01:33:04.620
Now, do you need more acquaintances?

1661
01:33:04.860 --> 01:33:05.940
Maybe you want more acquaintances.

1662
01:33:06.460 --> 01:33:07.940
Do you want to build some more community?

1663
01:33:08.100 --> 01:33:09.560
Maybe you want to build some more community.

1664
01:33:09.680 --> 01:33:11.700
But when you start to say that I want this person

1665
01:33:11.700 --> 01:33:14.660
to be my friend, friendship is a very intimate thing

1666
01:33:14.660 --> 01:33:17.200
and you have to be willing to invest in people

1667
01:33:17.200 --> 01:33:19.080
to have a friendship with them.

1668
01:33:20.860 --> 01:33:23.780
And so that's where the rubber meets the road

1669
01:33:23.780 --> 01:33:25.460
and there's a dividing line.

1670
01:33:25.500 --> 01:33:27.500
Because if you're not willing to invest

1671
01:33:27.540 --> 01:33:30.580
in friendship with them, then what are you investing in?

1672
01:33:32.220 --> 01:33:33.260
What are you doing?

1673
01:33:36.580 --> 01:33:39.940
So that's something that you can measure things by.

1674
01:33:40.440 --> 01:33:42.120
That way you know what you're doing.

1675
01:33:42.540 --> 01:33:45.960
So it's about do you understand your, what are you doing?

1676
01:33:47.280 --> 01:33:48.860
Because that's all that matters.

1677
01:33:51.980 --> 01:33:54.600
Like the motives in my heart kind of thing?

1678
01:33:54.900 --> 01:33:55.860
Not the motives of your heart,

1679
01:33:56.000 --> 01:33:57.660
that you're just aware of what you're doing.

1680
01:33:58.440 --> 01:34:01.780
I don't think you have some motive, some evil motive

1681
01:34:01.780 --> 01:34:04.660
or just make, yeah, just make sure you're aware.

1682
01:34:05.500 --> 01:34:08.480
Good night, Yesenia, so good to have you.

1683
01:34:08.680 --> 01:34:10.320
Just make sure you're in alignment

1684
01:34:10.320 --> 01:34:11.620
with what you have going on

1685
01:34:11.620 --> 01:34:13.760
so you won't be two weeks from now breaking down.

1686
01:34:13.800 --> 01:34:15.000
I don't know what to do.

1687
01:34:15.120 --> 01:34:16.700
He's talking to me and I like him

1688
01:34:16.700 --> 01:34:18.120
and I thought this, this, this, this.

1689
01:34:18.240 --> 01:34:19.500
You don't want to get in the uproar.

1690
01:34:19.620 --> 01:34:21.820
You got a lot of emotional things going on.

1691
01:34:21.960 --> 01:34:26.160
Keep it clear in your mind and heart what you got going on.

1692
01:34:27.040 --> 01:34:28.260
That's all I'm saying.

1693
01:34:29.920 --> 01:34:30.400
Okay.

1694
01:34:30.700 --> 01:34:32.480
And if it's clear, you don't have to worry

1695
01:34:32.480 --> 01:34:34.940
about all that tugging and pulling, none of that.

1696
01:34:35.240 --> 01:34:37.140
That's true, that's very true.

1697
01:34:38.180 --> 01:34:38.660
Okay.

1698
01:34:39.560 --> 01:34:40.040
Okay.

1699
01:34:40.240 --> 01:34:40.660
All right.

1700
01:34:41.600 --> 01:34:42.540
All right, girl.

1701
01:34:42.660 --> 01:34:43.920
Okay, thank you.

1702
01:34:43.980 --> 01:34:45.540
Good, I'm glad to hear from you

1703
01:34:45.540 --> 01:34:47.620
and still praying for your mom as well.

1704
01:34:48.900 --> 01:34:50.200
Yeah, thank you so much.

1705
01:34:50.500 --> 01:34:51.260
You're welcome.

1706
01:34:51.540 --> 01:34:51.740
Okay.

1707
01:34:52.100 --> 01:34:53.080
Yolanda, did she leave?

1708
01:34:57.980 --> 01:34:59.600
Yeah, I think so.

1709
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:13.820
Aubrey. Hello. Hey girl, how you doing? I'm a little bit better. Yeah, I've been praying for you.

1710
01:35:17.740 --> 01:35:27.400
Yeah, it's been a really, really challenging journey and I am trying to, I

1711
01:35:30.860 --> 01:35:39.780
think one of the biggest kind of takeaways where I'm at right now is this

1712
01:35:39.780 --> 01:35:46.500
like idea of not overly investing into relationships so quickly and I think

1713
01:35:46.680 --> 01:35:52.520
with this previous relationship I just like jumped right back into this like

1714
01:35:52.520 --> 01:35:59.940
very high stakes, dating, making it work with someone rather than exploring and

1715
01:35:59.940 --> 01:36:10.480
seeing like does this work and anyways I just, I don't know, I think I'm trying to

1716
01:36:11.280 --> 01:36:16.820
rearrange because my, I get back into these mindsets of like intensity and

1717
01:36:17.100 --> 01:36:21.660
like need to make it work and then like kind of the whole is God doing this and

1718
01:36:21.660 --> 01:36:27.200
what is God and putting all this pressure but I guess my my thought

1719
01:36:27.200 --> 01:36:33.100
process is like how do we prioritize, how do I, when I get back into this place

1720
01:36:33.100 --> 01:36:37.780
with someone who's really seriously minded about dating and it's got to be

1721
01:36:37.780 --> 01:36:47.460
it's very spiritual kind of and very like intense from the beginning, how do

1722
01:36:47.460 --> 01:36:52.880
I not step into that place again because I think it's a normal place for me to go

1723
01:36:52.880 --> 01:36:57.020
back to of like okay we're doing this and you want it and so that means we're

1724
01:36:57.020 --> 01:37:05.400
doing it and I got to figure it out. Any suggestions? Yeah, so because you know

1725
01:37:05.400 --> 01:37:10.600
what you're bent toward it's easier for you to bend the other way and you'll be

1726
01:37:10.600 --> 01:37:15.300
able to quickly identify when they operating so you won't oops I fell into

1727
01:37:15.300 --> 01:37:20.260
it again because you know all the signs because you have operated in the past

1728
01:37:20.260 --> 01:37:25.480
that way so that's your superpower and because it is your superpower that

1729
01:37:25.480 --> 01:37:30.140
you're able to see these things very quickly you have a game plan to pace

1730
01:37:30.820 --> 01:37:38.340
yourself and you you be sure that you clear in your heart and mind that

1731
01:37:38.340 --> 01:37:45.240
someone is going to choose you and sometimes the idea that someone is

1732
01:37:45.240 --> 01:37:51.780
choosing me causes you to do what they want to do because they're choosing you

1733
01:37:51.780 --> 01:37:55.680
because deep within you you don't believe that you're choosable and that

1734
01:37:55.680 --> 01:38:00.880
someone is going to choose you and now that they've chosen you you got to get

1735
01:38:00.880 --> 01:38:11.600
on board and so therein lies a root issue your value and worth you may say

1736
01:38:11.600 --> 01:38:15.380
get out of your mouth that yeah I'm great somebody will want me but the

1737
01:38:15.380 --> 01:38:19.020
first person that says I choose you and tell you to do things their way you jump

1738
01:38:19.020 --> 01:38:24.080
on board that tells me that you're struggling with believing that somebody

1739
01:38:24.080 --> 01:38:27.100
else would choose you and if you struggle to believe that somebody else

1740
01:38:27.100 --> 01:38:30.880
would choose you means that you believe that you're not choosable and you're not

1741
01:38:30.880 --> 01:38:35.560
worthy to be chosen and so that's a thing that you have to keep in front of

1742
01:38:35.560 --> 01:38:40.560
you of course they're gonna choose me I'm Aubrey lots of people would like to

1743
01:38:40.720 --> 01:38:45.360
choose me but more so you choose yourself Aubrey and when we choose

1744
01:38:45.360 --> 01:38:49.240
ourself and this is this is this is a this is real right here when we choose

1745
01:38:49.540 --> 01:38:55.040
ourself we don't mind laying down the laws for our life because we chosen

1746
01:38:55.980 --> 01:39:06.080
ourselves I chose me and this is what serves me best because I chose me

1747
01:39:06.080 --> 01:39:13.400
whether you join the party or not I choose me hmm yes yes I've been playing

1748
01:39:13.400 --> 01:39:21.420
praying for Jamaica I will do that Felicia Aubrey so so okay so first thing

1749
01:39:21.420 --> 01:39:25.760
choose Aubrey keep it at the front of your mind you say it day and night when

1750
01:39:25.760 --> 01:39:29.040
you get into walking into these relates especially if it's somebody you like I

1751
01:39:29.640 --> 01:39:34.180
choose me you have to rehearse in your own head the things that you've not done

1752
01:39:34.180 --> 01:39:38.940
before you're getting your muscles strong in them and so you will keep

1753
01:39:38.940 --> 01:39:42.360
saying and you will keep talking to yourself you will talk to yourself over

1754
01:39:42.360 --> 01:39:49.340
and over and over and over and over that's just the way it works okay and

1755
01:39:50.060 --> 01:39:55.500
then when they want to move fast you say you know I'm enjoying getting to know

1756
01:39:55.500 --> 01:39:58.340
you but I like to take things at a different pace

1757
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.420
For you, Aubrey, that means you're going to strategically plan how often you're going to

1758
01:40:05.420 --> 01:40:11.380
talk to them. No matter how good it feels, you're going to cause yourself to submit to

1759
01:40:11.380 --> 01:40:18.700
an order that you put in place. Is this a lot of work? Yeah. Is it worth it? Are you worth it,

1760
01:40:18.120 --> 01:40:25.120
Aubrey? If you deem that you're worth it, then you put in the work to cause yourself to come

1761
01:40:25.120 --> 01:40:28.260
under the order that's going to serve you best in the long run.

1762
01:40:31.940 --> 01:40:38.040
And so you put things in place. You put guard words in place. I'm not telling you this from

1763
01:40:38.040 --> 01:40:43.880
something. I'm telling you what I do for my own life even now. The same coaching I get to use,

1764
01:40:43.960 --> 01:40:51.200
the coaching I live by. I strategically slow down phone call conversations, especially if I like a

1765
01:40:51.940 --> 01:41:04.480
I do things very strategically. I have cut off times on the phone. I do it like I don't put up

1766
01:41:04.480 --> 01:41:10.680
walls, but I will guard my heart at all costs because it's my responsibility. The Bible says

1767
01:41:10.680 --> 01:41:17.240
that guard your heart with all diligence because out of your heart flows the issues of life.

1768
01:41:17.240 --> 01:41:24.400
And I've learned that guarding my heart and pacing myself produces a better outcome because it hurts

1769
01:41:24.400 --> 01:41:30.860
some kind of bad when you have to break up with the person. Yeah. And so you have to find a way

1770
01:41:30.860 --> 01:41:38.820
to get to know them and to show up with the least casualty of your own heart because it feels good

1771
01:41:38.820 --> 01:41:43.520
at the moment, but you don't realize how many mangled broken pieces you will have to carry

1772
01:41:43.520 --> 01:41:49.660
yourself back with that's going to have to be restored and made new. And all of that process,

1773
01:41:49.680 --> 01:41:58.960
that don't feel good. And it's challenging. And if you don't get properly restored each time,

1774
01:41:58.960 --> 01:42:03.240
a little bit of you just get chipped away. And so that's why when people think women,

1775
01:42:03.400 --> 01:42:06.860
oh, they're bitter. Oh, they're this. It's just every time a little more got chipped away,

1776
01:42:07.060 --> 01:42:11.160
a little more got chipped away and a little more got chipped away until they become this bitter

1777
01:42:11.160 --> 01:42:15.260
woman that they never wanted to be. And because they want to guard and protect themselves,

1778
01:42:15.360 --> 01:42:18.620
they don't know other way to be. And they feel like hurt keeps me safe.

1779
01:42:19.560 --> 01:42:25.040
Bitterness keeps me safe. Anger keeps me safe. So I, at all costs, I have to stay safe.

1780
01:42:25.260 --> 01:42:31.020
So I'm telling you on the front end, you say at all costs, I'm going to guard my heart well.

1781
01:42:31.500 --> 01:42:37.020
So that means you put things in place. So you set the pace for any relationship that you're in,

1782
01:42:37.020 --> 01:42:42.700
because you're the one in it. You don't have a partnership with them. You have a partnership

1783
01:42:42.900 --> 01:42:54.140
with God. They are not your partner. God is your partner. And so simple things like causing

1784
01:42:54.140 --> 01:42:59.220
yourself to submit to the order that keeps you paced is what you do. I don't care how much they

1785
01:42:59.220 --> 01:43:07.600
like you. I don't care how much you like them. Because you know you've done enough people to

1786
01:43:07.600 --> 01:43:12.240
know when you think it's the one, six months in, it could be.

1787
01:43:12.240 --> 01:43:16.280
Even if they come on strong. I mean, it's like, if they come on strong, it's like,

1788
01:43:16.300 --> 01:43:20.720
well, I guess this is what's happening. Like that's, I just go with it.

1789
01:43:20.720 --> 01:43:20.720


1790
01:43:20.720 --> 01:43:21.640
I go with it.

1791
01:43:21.780 --> 01:43:27.300
You go with it because, I mean, I could be wrong, but there's something about being chosen.

1792
01:43:27.980 --> 01:43:32.620
There's a pressure that you feel to go along with something. You've learned that behavior

1793
01:43:32.620 --> 01:43:36.280
somewhere probably in your childhood. I've never had a one-on-one with you,

1794
01:43:36.320 --> 01:43:40.580
but you learn that behavior somewhere. You learn the behavior to just go.

1795
01:43:41.900 --> 01:43:46.680
Go with the flow that someone else sets for your life and that doesn't serve you best.

1796
01:43:47.220 --> 01:43:51.960
Oh, Sarah says she does it in friendships too. I got another friend. She'll tell me like,

1797
01:43:52.040 --> 01:43:56.220
she's growing, but she'll be like, Ebony, you're bullying me. I was like, I am?

1798
01:43:56.220 --> 01:44:02.360
She gets to practice with me. I tell her to tell me when I do something, because if she

1799
01:44:02.360 --> 01:44:06.580
practiced with me with a safe person, then she'll be able to stand up to somebody else.

1800
01:44:09.780 --> 01:44:13.560
It's just that, okay, you don't want to rock the boat. I'll just do it.

1801
01:44:14.360 --> 01:44:16.660
People pleasing, all of these things.

1802
01:44:19.020 --> 01:44:25.900
Yeah. I think it was with my mom. I stand up to my mom now and I say no now.

1803
01:44:26.220 --> 01:44:33.080
In other relationships, I think really where I feel safe, I can, but if I don't yet feel safe,

1804
01:44:33.120 --> 01:44:39.780
it's really hard for me to set my own limits. It's really, really hard for me.

1805
01:44:40.580 --> 01:44:43.820
Yeah. One of the ways to do that is to feel safe with you.

1806
01:44:46.120 --> 01:44:51.560
This idea that you hand over your rights to somebody else, you hand over everything to

1807
01:44:51.560 --> 01:44:55.300
deal with it, to deal with you, to tell you which way you're going.

1808
01:44:55.760 --> 01:44:59.980
What you want to do is feel safe enough with Aubrey, that when Aubrey makes a decision,

1809
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:01.200
vision that's best for her.

1810
01:45:01.300 --> 01:45:03.700
She feels safe with the decision she made.

1811
01:45:03.720 --> 01:45:07.120
And you can start practicing that today, tomorrow.

1812
01:45:07.820 --> 01:45:10.500
You don't have to wait to be in a romantic relationship

1813
01:45:10.500 --> 01:45:11.340
to do that.

1814
01:45:11.800 --> 01:45:13.220
You can practice it in little things.

1815
01:45:13.260 --> 01:45:14.980
Just start saying no for no reason.

1816
01:45:15.960 --> 01:45:17.460
Like, that's where I started.

1817
01:45:17.600 --> 01:45:19.340
I feel so guilty when I say no.

1818
01:45:19.620 --> 01:45:19.980
I know.

1819
01:45:20.100 --> 01:45:21.940
That's why you need to go against and say, no.

1820
01:45:21.940 --> 01:45:23.960
Hey, Aubrey, you want to ride up to the store with me?

1821
01:45:23.960 --> 01:45:24.320
No.

1822
01:45:24.520 --> 01:45:25.020
Why not?

1823
01:45:25.020 --> 01:45:25.560
I don't know.

1824
01:45:25.560 --> 01:45:26.860
I just need to say no today.

1825
01:45:26.920 --> 01:45:28.520
I needed three no's today.

1826
01:45:28.520 --> 01:45:30.280
And you got one of them.

1827
01:45:30.280 --> 01:45:31.820
I love you, though.

1828
01:45:32.260 --> 01:45:32.680
Pick somebody.

1829
01:45:32.940 --> 01:45:34.240
Say, can I practice with you?

1830
01:45:34.700 --> 01:45:36.100
My sister practiced with me.

1831
01:45:36.180 --> 01:45:37.360
That's how she got her voice.

1832
01:45:37.640 --> 01:45:38.640
I would say, let's go some.

1833
01:45:38.800 --> 01:45:39.300
She'd say, no.

1834
01:45:39.340 --> 01:45:39.960
I'd say, why not?

1835
01:45:39.980 --> 01:45:40.860
She'd say, because I'm practicing.

1836
01:45:41.060 --> 01:45:42.580
I'd say, OK, I respect you.

1837
01:45:44.060 --> 01:45:47.000
Like, I just had to bite it so she could grow.

1838
01:45:47.420 --> 01:45:48.900
She had to come out of that bundage.

1839
01:45:49.000 --> 01:45:50.100
And so did it cost me?

1840
01:45:50.100 --> 01:45:52.320
Yeah, but she was safe with me to say no

1841
01:45:52.320 --> 01:45:55.180
until she got strong enough to say no to other people.

1842
01:45:55.540 --> 01:45:57.580
Find you some safe people to practice no with.

1843
01:45:58.140 --> 01:46:00.680
Arbor, say no every chance you get.

1844
01:46:00.800 --> 01:46:03.120
I am telling the more you work that muscle,

1845
01:46:03.460 --> 01:46:05.880
the better you become at it.

1846
01:46:06.600 --> 01:46:10.620
You just got to keep working it and working it and working it.

1847
01:46:10.820 --> 01:46:11.300
No.

1848
01:46:12.380 --> 01:46:13.120
Why not?

1849
01:46:13.180 --> 01:46:15.040
I don't really have an answer, and I

1850
01:46:15.040 --> 01:46:16.260
don't want to give one right now.

1851
01:46:16.900 --> 01:46:18.680
I haven't figured that part out yet.

1852
01:46:21.080 --> 01:46:22.840
Find people you can be vulnerable with

1853
01:46:22.840 --> 01:46:24.060
and just say what you're thinking,

1854
01:46:26.360 --> 01:46:27.780
and just to practice it.

1855
01:46:27.900 --> 01:46:29.060
It's going to help you a lot.

1856
01:46:30.160 --> 01:46:31.900
And don't rush back into dating.

1857
01:46:32.520 --> 01:46:35.640
You know, let your heart have some time to breathe.

1858
01:46:35.920 --> 01:46:37.040
There's no hurry.

1859
01:46:38.140 --> 01:46:40.420
Trust me, the set time for you to have a spouse

1860
01:46:40.420 --> 01:46:41.660
is waiting for you.

1861
01:46:41.940 --> 01:46:44.460
The worst thing you can do, one of the things that

1862
01:46:44.460 --> 01:46:47.040
will cost you the most, is to enter yourself

1863
01:46:47.040 --> 01:46:51.140
into a time of delay, because you won't allow the Lord

1864
01:46:51.140 --> 01:46:52.960
to come in and to heal your heart.

1865
01:46:53.620 --> 01:46:56.540
You want to be whole and complete, lacking nothing.

1866
01:46:57.300 --> 01:46:59.960
And I say that God uses relationships also

1867
01:46:59.960 --> 01:47:01.260
to bring healing to us.

1868
01:47:01.340 --> 01:47:03.640
But you know you're tore up and you're hurting.

1869
01:47:04.100 --> 01:47:06.440
You don't want to put yourself out there like that.

1870
01:47:06.500 --> 01:47:07.280
Take your time.

1871
01:47:07.520 --> 01:47:08.500
There is no hurry.

1872
01:47:08.940 --> 01:47:10.800
This was already a part of the story,

1873
01:47:11.400 --> 01:47:13.860
and it's working something really good in you,

1874
01:47:13.860 --> 01:47:15.520
because this time you're going to come out,

1875
01:47:15.740 --> 01:47:18.600
and you're going to gain, you're going to get strength to say no.

1876
01:47:19.440 --> 01:47:20.900
When somebody takes you too fast,

1877
01:47:20.900 --> 01:47:22.760
you're going to learn how to pace relationships.

1878
01:47:23.840 --> 01:47:25.520
And believe it or not, this was all

1879
01:47:25.520 --> 01:47:27.220
working to get you to this place.

1880
01:47:28.480 --> 01:47:30.100
Because it's not going to all of a sudden,

1881
01:47:30.280 --> 01:47:32.340
when you get in marriage, you ain't going to need it no more.

1882
01:47:32.940 --> 01:47:33.360
Yeah.

1883
01:47:34.920 --> 01:47:35.360
Yeah.

1884
01:47:36.440 --> 01:47:36.880
Yeah.

1885
01:47:37.180 --> 01:47:42.520
I also set a limit now for myself, for my own sake.

1886
01:47:42.780 --> 01:47:46.860
I'm like, if you can't be here for dinner on Friday night

1887
01:47:46.980 --> 01:47:50.060
after work, if you can't make, then you're too far away.

1888
01:47:50.060 --> 01:47:53.380
I've set this limit for myself, because I've

1889
01:47:53.380 --> 01:47:54.800
done so many long distance.

1890
01:47:54.800 --> 01:47:55.720
Because I'm like, OK.

1891
01:47:56.260 --> 01:47:57.820
And I've done so much long distance,

1892
01:47:58.080 --> 01:47:59.780
but it's not good for me.

1893
01:48:00.520 --> 01:48:03.200
It's not good for me to do the long distance thing.

1894
01:48:04.480 --> 01:48:06.660
So I'm setting some limits.

1895
01:48:07.140 --> 01:48:08.960
Yeah, that's a good limit to set.

1896
01:48:09.080 --> 01:48:11.620
Long distance will cause you to cling more tightly

1897
01:48:11.620 --> 01:48:12.600
than you need to.

1898
01:48:13.000 --> 01:48:15.380
It'll cause you to put a lot of eggs in the basket,

1899
01:48:15.500 --> 01:48:17.720
because it is long distance, and you invest a lot

1900
01:48:17.720 --> 01:48:18.660
to make that work.

1901
01:48:18.660 --> 01:48:21.680
And you just don't have a lot of energy for anything else.

1902
01:48:21.700 --> 01:48:23.940
The closest thing you have between you and that person

1903
01:48:23.940 --> 01:48:24.620
is the phone.

1904
01:48:24.760 --> 01:48:25.720
So you're going to talk more.

1905
01:48:26.000 --> 01:48:27.200
You're going to video chat more.

1906
01:48:27.680 --> 01:48:28.840
And in doing so, you think you really

1907
01:48:28.840 --> 01:48:30.100
know them when you really don't know them,

1908
01:48:30.120 --> 01:48:32.080
because you really know people when you experience them.

1909
01:48:32.160 --> 01:48:33.840
And so you've got this whole little thing.

1910
01:48:34.000 --> 01:48:35.640
And so most of the time, you're spending just

1911
01:48:35.640 --> 01:48:36.800
trying to get to know them more.

1912
01:48:36.940 --> 01:48:38.180
Just trying to get to know them more.

1913
01:48:38.220 --> 01:48:39.620
Just trying to spend more time with them.

1914
01:48:39.740 --> 01:48:41.540
And in the process of doing that,

1915
01:48:42.220 --> 01:48:43.800
you're not dating anybody else.

1916
01:48:43.840 --> 01:48:45.500
You're not talking to anybody else.

1917
01:48:45.620 --> 01:48:47.580
And so that's the thing about long distance.

1918
01:48:47.580 --> 01:48:49.400
And plus, you're young, Ivory.

1919
01:48:51.320 --> 01:48:52.300
Yeah, I agree.

1920
01:48:52.660 --> 01:48:55.280
If they can't make it down the street for them, then that's it.

1921
01:48:56.100 --> 01:48:57.000
That's a good one.

1922
01:48:58.440 --> 01:49:00.080
Keep us updated, OK?

1923
01:49:00.840 --> 01:49:03.280
OK, I've been thinking about going to phase three,

1924
01:49:03.500 --> 01:49:06.540
but I just like you so much, so I don't really want to.

1925
01:49:07.580 --> 01:49:09.640
But I've been in here for ages.

1926
01:49:09.760 --> 01:49:10.960
It's been so long.

1927
01:49:11.080 --> 01:49:14.660
I've been in phase two for months and months and months.

1928
01:49:14.680 --> 01:49:16.200
But I don't really want to leave you, Ebony.

1929
01:49:16.720 --> 01:49:18.640
I don't want you to leave either, Ivory.

1930
01:49:18.660 --> 01:49:21.120
When you came out, I was like, Ivory's here.

1931
01:49:24.180 --> 01:49:25.700
But I understand you.

1932
01:49:26.000 --> 01:49:27.980
I know, Kim, I sure don't want you to leave.

1933
01:49:28.100 --> 01:49:29.840
I don't want any of y'all to leave.

1934
01:49:29.920 --> 01:49:32.280
But you're going to enjoy phase three also.

1935
01:49:32.500 --> 01:49:34.560
And I'm just right across the way.

1936
01:49:35.300 --> 01:49:36.400
I'm not far.

1937
01:49:38.700 --> 01:49:40.820
Yeah, you too, I don't want you to leave.

1938
01:49:41.340 --> 01:49:43.300
But let us know when you go, though.

1939
01:49:43.300 --> 01:49:45.680
Because you know, once you put the email in, that's it.

1940
01:49:45.680 --> 01:49:48.700
You got to stay on it.

1941
01:49:48.780 --> 01:49:48.900
Yeah.

1942
01:49:49.080 --> 01:49:52.200
I might watch through the videos again first before I get.

1943
01:49:52.800 --> 01:49:54.580
Yeah, I always have access to the videos.

1944
01:49:54.680 --> 01:49:55.460
Oh, OK.

1945
01:49:56.040 --> 01:49:56.280
Yeah.

1946
01:49:57.500 --> 01:49:57.740
Yeah.

1947
01:49:58.480 --> 01:49:59.980
All right, sounds good.

1948
01:50:01.500 --> 01:50:04.040
I just started and I'm not going to want to leave.

1949
01:50:06.660 --> 01:50:07.700
Let's see.

1950
01:50:08.220 --> 01:50:08.220


1951
01:50:08.600 --> 01:50:15.260
Now, I know y'all don't like to hear this, but it's 8.51 between D, Nikki, and Sandy.

1952
01:50:15.520 --> 01:50:17.040
We got eight minutes.

1953
01:50:17.240 --> 01:50:17.520
Go.

1954
01:50:17.640 --> 01:50:18.060
Okay.

1955
01:50:18.220 --> 01:50:18.760
All right.

1956
01:50:18.880 --> 01:50:19.220
Hello.

1957
01:50:19.740 --> 01:50:20.140
Hello, everyone.

1958
01:50:20.320 --> 01:50:20.440
All right.

1959
01:50:20.440 --> 01:50:21.440
I've just got back from Colorado.

1960
01:50:21.740 --> 01:50:28.760
I've just got back from flying, so I'm a little disorientated, but I just wanted to give you

1961
01:50:28.760 --> 01:50:31.740
an update and get some advice as well, if possible.

1962
01:50:32.720 --> 01:50:37.120
Well, firstly, I've been feeling like, oh, I can't be bothered with these mails, right?

1963
01:50:37.120 --> 01:50:42.320
Just because I'm just, I've got stuff happening at work and I just would rather, if I had

1964
01:50:42.320 --> 01:50:46.300
a choice, which I do, is to just stop for a minute, dating.

1965
01:50:47.020 --> 01:50:53.400
However, you know, it's like, it's an important part of my life, you know, and I'm going to

1966
01:50:53.400 --> 01:50:54.360
get married very soon.

1967
01:50:54.400 --> 01:50:55.120
Oh, I am.

1968
01:50:55.120 --> 01:50:55.640
I am married.

1969
01:50:55.760 --> 01:50:56.520
You know what I mean?

1970
01:50:56.520 --> 01:51:00.420
And I, you have to put in the work to get the fruit, right?

1971
01:51:01.060 --> 01:51:01.860
So yeah.

1972
01:51:01.860 --> 01:51:06.000
Anyway, so that's the kind of underlying thing, since I was unwell, that's kind of been underlying.

1973
01:51:06.440 --> 01:51:07.840
There might just be dregs of that.

1974
01:51:07.940 --> 01:51:08.240
Okay.

1975
01:51:08.240 --> 01:51:08.920
So the mails.

1976
01:51:09.740 --> 01:51:10.240
Oh my gosh.

1977
01:51:11.340 --> 01:51:14.700
So there's a few, there's Mr. Elite High Achiever, he's a new one.

1978
01:51:14.880 --> 01:51:17.360
And then there's Mr. Scarlet Pimpernel, who's another.

1979
01:51:17.820 --> 01:51:18.980
Then there's Mr. One-Liner.

1980
01:51:19.660 --> 01:51:21.020
And then Mr. Man, man, man.

1981
01:51:21.080 --> 01:51:21.360
Okay.

1982
01:51:21.880 --> 01:51:25.920
Mr. Far Too Smooth, while we were on this call, I just told him goodbye because I'm done.

1983
01:51:26.420 --> 01:51:31.940
He's too, I can tell he like wants to really be a writer, poet and all of this because

1984
01:51:31.940 --> 01:51:34.920
he was just giving me some long soliloquy of nonsense.

1985
01:51:35.100 --> 01:51:39.260
Like we haven't even started yet and already he's giving me hassles because I said I wanted

1986
01:51:39.260 --> 01:51:41.720
to get to know him, you know, as a friend.

1987
01:51:41.780 --> 01:51:43.060
So I kind of just said goodbye.

1988
01:51:43.340 --> 01:51:44.240
So that's that.

1989
01:51:44.280 --> 01:51:45.120
And I feel better.

1990
01:51:45.340 --> 01:51:49.880
And Mr. Old School, I unmatched with him because he was the one that was with the stilted conversation.

1991
01:51:49.880 --> 01:51:56.760
Just the last time I left, it was let's communicate by, you know, set up a video call and he was

1992
01:51:56.760 --> 01:51:59.800
just going on and on about a phone call and let's meet now.

1993
01:51:59.800 --> 01:52:04.480
And then I was like my time zone and he was just like, oh, I see, you know, I'm pretty

1994
01:52:04.480 --> 01:52:05.420
free because I'm retired.

1995
01:52:05.800 --> 01:52:08.900
And so I said, okay, well, how about a Zoom call at this time, whenever?

1996
01:52:09.100 --> 01:52:11.620
And I didn't even, I know he saw the message, but he didn't respond.

1997
01:52:12.020 --> 01:52:15.160
So I thought when I finally got back online and saw it, I just unmatched, I haven't got time.

1998
01:52:15.580 --> 01:52:17.240
I didn't get a good vibe with him anyway.

1999
01:52:17.700 --> 01:52:22.060
Okay, so Mr. Elite High Achiever, it's a contender.

2000
01:52:22.260 --> 01:52:27.060
He's visiting the island, he's on holiday, looks like he just wants to meet, you know,

2001
01:52:27.060 --> 01:52:31.860
pretty ladies or something, which is fine because he's actually my type of person.

2002
01:52:31.920 --> 01:52:36.360
Like he's a high achiever and he's in this membership that I know.

2003
01:52:36.820 --> 01:52:40.220
And, you know, just be nice to meet someone that's on that gets it kind of vibe.

2004
01:52:40.780 --> 01:52:44.000
But otherwise he's handsome, all of the things, but I'm not looking for anything.

2005
01:52:44.300 --> 01:52:46.320
So my thing is, what do I say to him?

2006
01:52:46.320 --> 01:52:49.100
Because he left it, I told everyone that I was going away, well not everyone,

2007
01:52:49.480 --> 01:52:52.160
told a few of them I'm going away for a few days off island.

2008
01:52:52.200 --> 01:52:53.860
And he was like, message me when you're back.

2009
01:52:54.240 --> 01:52:56.320
So I've got something like, hello, Mark, I'm back on the island.

2010
01:52:56.460 --> 01:52:58.740
How's your vacation going? Do you think that's good?

2011
01:52:59.360 --> 01:53:00.740
Yeah. Yeah, okay.

2012
01:53:01.760 --> 01:53:05.940
I won't go over the others because they're just very strange.

2013
01:53:06.360 --> 01:53:10.720
Mr. Scarlet Pimpernel, first it was, you don't look your age.

2014
01:53:10.800 --> 01:53:14.100
This was in September 28th. And I even messaged back, good afternoon.

2015
01:53:14.100 --> 01:53:16.280
I get that a lot because I didn't really know how to respond to that.

2016
01:53:16.660 --> 01:53:18.820
Then I got a thumbs up, which to me is the biggest offense,

2017
01:53:18.940 --> 01:53:20.560
but I've been coached through that from another coach.

2018
01:53:20.780 --> 01:53:24.020
So it's okay. Anyway, never mind.

2019
01:53:24.340 --> 01:53:30.640
And this is September 29th, Sunday, Sunday, just gone after September 29th,

2020
01:53:30.660 --> 01:53:32.700
which is fine. I would have to say seeing how you look,

2021
01:53:32.840 --> 01:53:34.420
how intelligent and artistic you seem to be,

2022
01:53:34.420 --> 01:53:37.780
I would be more interested in just friends, but you get that a lot as well.

2023
01:53:37.840 --> 01:53:40.400
I'm sure. I'm kind of like, I don't know what to say.

2024
01:53:40.400 --> 01:53:44.440
I'm just kind of like, so maybe if you're okay with it,

2025
01:53:44.440 --> 01:53:47.920
I'll plant it in the conversation in the app.

2026
01:53:48.380 --> 01:53:50.080
And I would just love to hear your feedback on that.

2027
01:53:50.100 --> 01:53:52.900
But what I really want your real life coaching on is Mr. Man, man, man.

2028
01:53:53.440 --> 01:53:56.260
Okay. So overall, he is back in California.

2029
01:53:56.720 --> 01:53:59.300
As you know that we're just, whatever.

2030
01:54:00.760 --> 01:54:04.120
He, I've not, one of the biggest things for me is that he has been,

2031
01:54:04.660 --> 01:54:09.660
he initiates conversations, but always via text and it bothers me.

2032
01:54:09.660 --> 01:54:12.700
And I've done the whole, yeah, sure. Give me a call.

2033
01:54:12.880 --> 01:54:14.960
And we'll, you know, whatever.

2034
01:54:15.760 --> 01:54:17.380
But I'm kind of just a little bit,

2035
01:54:18.560 --> 01:54:22.980
and then recently he messaged me when I wasn't available, I was away.

2036
01:54:23.200 --> 01:54:26.300
I saw his message and responded when I was coming back home,

2037
01:54:26.640 --> 01:54:29.220
traveling back on, was it Sunday or Monday? I've lost travel time.

2038
01:54:29.540 --> 01:54:32.620
But so we've had this text relay and then my flight got delayed.

2039
01:54:32.680 --> 01:54:35.880
So I shouldn't have, but I was bored and we were in the same time zone.

2040
01:54:35.900 --> 01:54:38.660
So I just messaged him, you know, it was late at night.

2041
01:54:38.660 --> 01:54:40.640
I wouldn't normally do that, but I thought, you know what?

2042
01:54:42.440 --> 01:54:44.200
And we were supposed to have a conversation,

2043
01:54:44.360 --> 01:54:45.820
but I didn't book a hotel in the end.

2044
01:54:45.980 --> 01:54:48.920
And so, you know, just a quick phone call to catch up.

2045
01:54:49.240 --> 01:54:53.760
But he, I just, I don't know. I'm just not sure like what to, how to be.

2046
01:54:53.820 --> 01:54:58.120
And I think it's because I might like him like more.

2047
01:54:58.340 --> 01:54:59.980
Don't smile because I know you know what you think.

2048
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:06.620
you know and what you're being no right but anyway i don't know how when i when i like someone

2049
01:55:07.640 --> 01:55:12.460
i i'm trying not to get too familiar with him you know we're still early we're still at whatever it

2050
01:55:12.460 --> 01:55:16.260
is and i'm just trying not to go there because i'm not getting attached you know all the things

2051
01:55:16.260 --> 01:55:21.680
right i want to date other people i don't know how i feel about him really i have a suspicion i

2052
01:55:21.680 --> 01:55:27.480
might like him just because he's got all the technically checking checks the boxes um and

2053
01:55:27.480 --> 01:55:32.720
i'm just getting both it bothers me when i like someone and i'm trying to protect myself i start

2054
01:55:32.720 --> 01:55:37.180
to get a bit dismissive and i feel like that's how i'm being which brings me back to me trying

2055
01:55:37.200 --> 01:55:43.400
to you know yeah but d this guy won't get on the phone with you i mean it's okay so

2056
01:55:44.560 --> 01:55:49.820
straight up he won't he won't when we're texting he he'll start with texting and so it's not that

2057
01:55:49.820 --> 01:55:53.360
we didn't try to call the other day or whatever but it's just it's not the default and i don't

2058
01:55:53.360 --> 01:55:58.640
it's more that i have to communicate that or just leave it because his default is text but

2059
01:55:58.640 --> 01:56:03.400
when he's up for conversations he is but it's just that i'm not happy with

2060
01:56:05.120 --> 01:56:09.300
i don't know if it's me not speaking up enough you know just to say hey i prefer phone calls

2061
01:56:09.300 --> 01:56:14.180
if that makes sense actually saying it instead of um yeah let's let's let's jump on the call

2062
01:56:14.180 --> 01:56:18.000
you know i mean like when it's there's been a few texts or whatever and he's always been

2063
01:56:18.000 --> 01:56:23.480
happy with calling and it's still that whole thinking i'm thinking that i'm too busy and in

2064
01:56:23.480 --> 01:56:30.240
my own time i'll reach out to him and so somehow it feels to me that i'm even though he is all

2065
01:56:30.240 --> 01:56:35.460
the way a man and masculine it feels to me like i'm being a little alpha in this and i don't like

2066
01:56:35.460 --> 01:56:40.540
it like i want i want the man to be the man and only because it's like he's leaving it to me to

2067
01:56:40.540 --> 01:56:47.060
call like in my time because i'm busy and you know like um he's open to calls and he's he's totally

2068
01:56:47.060 --> 01:56:51.840
up for it and when we talk about the calls he calls or whatever but i don't want to be

2069
01:56:52.560 --> 01:56:56.140
i don't want him i want him to just call me because he wants to call me does that make

2070
01:56:56.140 --> 01:57:02.340
sense and if he doesn't that's fine okay so what's gonna happen d is you're gonna have to

2071
01:57:02.340 --> 01:57:10.940
take out of your vocabulary that i'm so busy it's not i'm not taking it i'm not taking it he he's

2072
01:57:10.940 --> 01:57:16.240
from what he knows about me so i'm i don't use it but you're gonna have to reshape reshape what

2073
01:57:16.240 --> 01:57:22.200
he knows about you you need to be available so this means that well i will call but she did

2074
01:57:22.200 --> 01:57:28.000
it's you you so busy d so busy d so busy d so busy d makes time for what d wants to make time

2075
01:57:28.000 --> 01:57:33.200
for and there's anybody and so it's probably best at this point that you have a clarifying

2076
01:57:33.380 --> 01:57:38.400
conversation with him you can say hey let's jump on a call i want to talk to you about something

2077
01:57:38.400 --> 01:57:43.120
when he gets on the phone say i'm interested in getting to know you better and at this point i

2078
01:57:43.240 --> 01:57:49.680
would like to see us have more live conversations and face time so that we can get to know each

2079
01:57:49.920 --> 01:57:58.460
other okay it's like point blank simple that's it now you have shifted things yeah and well i know

2080
01:57:58.460 --> 01:58:04.760
you'd be so busy so when are you available look uh say give him the times that you're you're

2081
01:58:05.440 --> 01:58:09.280
available that may be hard for you because i don't know what type of business you do but

2082
01:58:09.280 --> 01:58:15.700
you know or you may say i will make this time if you can you know there's a down sometimes you can

2083
01:58:15.700 --> 01:58:21.700
make available like how about this is our time that we talk you know that you can make space

2084
01:58:21.720 --> 01:58:30.020
for him so that you can get to know him so you can really see if you like him or not right right

2085
01:58:30.020 --> 01:58:38.560
yeah so yeah okay thank you um i'm feeling i've been a little cringy because yesterday i did the

2086
01:58:38.860 --> 01:58:43.300
thing i shouldn't have done we didn't have the call we should have had so i got a text in the

2087
01:58:43.300 --> 01:58:49.020
morning like call me when you're up um and time zones and all of that and i ended up calling when

2088
01:58:49.020 --> 01:58:53.700
i was on a plane it was the only time i saw it and it was just before takeoff i thought why not

2089
01:58:53.740 --> 01:58:58.080
knowing that he was at work the worst thing for me in my life and to do is to call a man when he's

2090
01:58:58.080 --> 01:59:02.240
at work do you know what i mean but i just well i say that i didn't know he was at work but maybe

2091
01:59:02.240 --> 01:59:05.120
he would have been getting ready so i just called him i thought you know what i just want to call

2092
01:59:06.340 --> 01:59:10.120
and um he picked up but he was in the middle of something he wasn't quite at work but he was

2093
01:59:10.120 --> 01:59:15.740
getting started and it was awkward because he was in that you know work and it annoyed me because i

2094
01:59:15.740 --> 01:59:18.660
did a thing that i shouldn't have done so now i'm feeling a little like i don't want to talk to him

2095
01:59:18.660 --> 01:59:22.280
again like oh he has to call me next and all of these things that i know are very immature but

2096
01:59:22.280 --> 01:59:28.040
just from fruit i guess past experience of you know let the man call you when he's when he's

2097
01:59:28.040 --> 01:59:34.180
able to call you i mean he asked for the call so i didn't mind it but i also feel a bit rejected

2098
01:59:34.180 --> 01:59:39.940
even though it wasn't me it was just he was busy i know that was the feeling yeah that's the feeling

2099
01:59:39.940 --> 01:59:45.720
we have when we call somebody and they don't answer you feel rejected and so you're gonna

2100
01:59:45.720 --> 01:59:50.740
have to dump he picked up by the way but he was being a distraction but you felt it still there's

2101
01:59:50.740 --> 01:59:54.420
this thing that there's this thing there because you're believing something that's not true

2102
01:59:55.540 --> 01:59:59.840
because if you were dating him and y'all really liked each other he said call

2103
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:05.620
time you're going to be happy just to hear whenever he picks up. And so let's dump some

2104
02:00:05.620 --> 02:00:10.200
of the laws that you have working in you, that let the man call if he wants to talk to you,

2105
02:00:10.380 --> 02:00:16.220
let the man this, let the just you getting to know a person, take all the other things out the table

2106
02:00:16.400 --> 02:00:21.780
because it's not serving you best, it's actually hindering you and making you feel some type of

2107
02:00:21.780 --> 02:00:31.060
your decision making. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate it. Okay. It'll work out.

2108
02:00:31.940 --> 02:00:35.320
Okay. All right. Nikki, did you change your mind?

2109
02:00:38.120 --> 02:00:47.060
Um, yeah, it's so late. And it's like more involved. It does involve a guy. So I would

2110
02:00:47.060 --> 02:00:53.380
want to take some time. I know Nikki, please come back Tuesday. Tell me all about it.

2111
02:00:54.680 --> 02:01:02.580
Yeah, I will. I really do want your advice. It. It was not something I was looking for. And I'm

2112
02:01:02.580 --> 02:01:09.400
not on the dating apps. In fact, I was thinking I will get on the dating apps in January, honestly,

2113
02:01:10.020 --> 02:01:13.940
like let me get through the holidays. And I'm just enjoying like listening to your

2114
02:01:14.980 --> 02:01:21.100
advice and like what the Holy Spirit has given you to share. And so I'm, I'm fine. Like I wasn't,

2115
02:01:21.360 --> 02:01:30.760
I'm not in a rush. Like, I don't feel that way right now. But I did meet a guy, but it's

2116
02:01:30.760 --> 02:01:39.780
complicated. And it I met him organically, like, yeah, at work. But it's complicated. And it's,

2117
02:01:40.520 --> 02:01:51.260
it's creating some anxiety in me. And I, it's, it's unresolved. It's an ongoing thing. In fact,

2118
02:01:51.260 --> 02:01:56.060
I only see him once a week. And I see him on Wednesdays. So it's like, I don't know what

2119
02:01:56.100 --> 02:02:00.140
tomorrow's gonna bring like every day. It's almost like I'm watching a TV show. And like,

2120
02:02:00.180 --> 02:02:05.320
I don't I have to wait a week for the next episode. Like, it's just really annoying. And

2121
02:02:06.640 --> 02:02:12.620
it's, there's some disappointment that I'm trying to deal with, too. And so what you shared with,

2122
02:02:12.620 --> 02:02:19.800
with Sarah really, like, like I said, resonated with me, because I'm trying to

2123
02:02:21.900 --> 02:02:26.920
process my disappointment about certain things that involve this person. And

2124
02:02:29.440 --> 02:02:40.580
yeah, so I don't know, it's like, I like, I kind of feel, I know, this is not correct. It's not

2125
02:02:40.580 --> 02:02:46.320
the character of God. But sometimes I wonder if God is disappointed in my disappointment.

2126
02:02:49.840 --> 02:02:55.300
So I kind of want to process that at some point, maybe next week, and then it might be even

2127
02:02:55.300 --> 02:03:00.900
different. Because I'll have another day. Yeah. Um, if God is disappointed,

2128
02:03:01.080 --> 02:03:04.880
and you're disappointed, like disappointed, because you're disappointed, or shares your

2129
02:03:04.880 --> 02:03:10.520
disappointment with you. More like, he's disappointed in my disappointment. Like,

2130
02:03:10.540 --> 02:03:18.100
I haven't learned to tolerate disappointment yet. I kind of want to share, but I just know it's so

2131
02:03:18.290 --> 02:03:25.930
and okay, the context will make sense. I think, but what would you be opposed to doing a video

2132
02:03:25.930 --> 02:03:31.570
and posting it on the coaches thing? Um, I'm not opposed to it, but it's not ideal. So

2133
02:03:31.650 --> 02:03:40.570
I can wait next week. I want the live feedback. Okay. And then this is, of course, you know,

2134
02:03:40.590 --> 02:03:44.790
it's a cost, but I'm not pressuring you do you can always book a one on one if you wanted to,

2135
02:03:44.790 --> 02:03:49.970
do a thorough work through things, but there's no pressure. I'm just telling you this option,

2136
02:03:50.030 --> 02:03:54.650
because I don't know what are you want to work through? And if not, this always there, you can

2137
02:03:54.650 --> 02:04:01.850
book with me or Carla and or anybody on there you want, ideally, but you've been around us the most.

2138
02:04:03.110 --> 02:04:09.170
Um, or Tuesday, and please raise your hand first, then we'll get started. That way we can do it.

2139
02:04:09.270 --> 02:04:14.550
And just okay, notes of everything so that you can sometimes we'll forget what we were

2140
02:04:14.550 --> 02:04:19.170
feeling. But you're probably won't be far removed from the feeling. It's just another feeling

2141
02:04:19.430 --> 02:04:28.770
trumps it. Yeah, yeah. Another development in a story. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, all right. I wish

2142
02:04:28.770 --> 02:04:39.810
I could. I was like, I don't have anything to share. But then, and this whole thing started

2143
02:04:39.810 --> 02:04:47.090
at the end of September. And I still was like, Well, you don't have anything to share yet,

2144
02:04:47.130 --> 02:04:53.210
because it's really nothing. But then it became something. But then it wasn't. But then it was

2145
02:04:53.330 --> 02:04:58.210
nothing again. And then it became something, which is why the disappointment, it's like

2146
02:04:58.210 --> 02:04:59.970
I've been a roller coaster of anxiety and disappointment.

2147
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:06.600
Appointment and up and then hope and optimism and so I'm like trying to figure out what the lesson is in all of this because

2148
02:05:06.600 --> 02:05:10.200
I wasn't looking for this like it just fell into my lap almost

2149
02:05:11.700 --> 02:05:12.100
and

2150
02:05:13.320 --> 02:05:17.880
Now I'm like, okay god, what are you trying to teach me because it's probably not gonna work out with this guy and

2151
02:05:19.620 --> 02:05:21.320
I'm just like, okay, like I

2152
02:05:22.500 --> 02:05:24.420
Just want the disappoint. I want to be able to like

2153
02:05:25.180 --> 02:05:31.140
Tolerate this disappointment and learn this lesson because I don't want to I feel like I'm just gonna keep being

2154
02:05:31.140 --> 02:05:33.800
Disappointed if I don't learn how to tolerate it

2155
02:05:34.460 --> 02:05:39.800
Well, I don't know the full extent and I know that we don't have time to share but I'm gonna say this

2156
02:05:40.400 --> 02:05:47.080
To help you a lot of times it says. Oh god, what is this for? But everything you're feeling that's what it's for

2157
02:05:49.900 --> 02:05:50.340
Everything

2158
02:05:50.360 --> 02:05:55.160
that when you get to date or you get to know a person that get start getting close like that and you start having all

2159
02:05:55.160 --> 02:06:00.220
Those feelings that you like them and this could be this and this could be that and I'll kind of just crumbles right in

2160
02:06:00.220 --> 02:06:03.900
Front of you. God wants you to partner with him when it starts crumbling

2161
02:06:05.180 --> 02:06:10.480
Yeah to work through what you're feeling because that is a part of the growth process

2162
02:06:11.200 --> 02:06:14.180
So it's it's oh, it's like it's okay

2163
02:06:14.180 --> 02:06:20.760
That's why it's all of it is so good for you because you're discovering something about you that's what we call discovery dating

2164
02:06:21.440 --> 02:06:23.840
Like right. Yeah. Yeah

2165
02:06:26.680 --> 02:06:31.340
Huh, I really appreciate what you said and I agree and I have been partnering with him

2166
02:06:32.320 --> 02:06:35.880
I've been going to God with all my emotions all my feelings

2167
02:06:36.760 --> 02:06:38.820
So I just want to add one thing

2168
02:06:39.000 --> 02:06:42.560
To what you were saying and see what you think about it. Um

2169
02:06:43.880 --> 02:06:49.000
Okay, because it's like every week is something different and with the context it'll make sense but

2170
02:06:51.300 --> 02:06:52.420
Like I'll

2171
02:06:52.880 --> 02:06:57.280
Tolerate the disappointment. I brought I've brought it to God. I've prayed through it

2172
02:06:57.280 --> 02:07:02.700
I accept whatever the outcome is and then something different will happen the next week

2173
02:07:03.960 --> 02:07:04.520
and

2174
02:07:04.520 --> 02:07:11.280
then I'll get my hopes up and then I feel bad that I got my hopes up because it's like it's like God is saying I

2175
02:07:11.840 --> 02:07:16.960
Thought you accepted this like your disappointment you you got through it

2176
02:07:17.540 --> 02:07:21.500
I and I know he's not saying that but it's like it's just this weird

2177
02:07:24.080 --> 02:07:30.620
Just this weird perception I guess but I I feel bad every time I hope

2178
02:07:31.760 --> 02:07:34.900
About this situation. Oh, I know

2179
02:07:35.300 --> 02:07:41.260
Yeah, it's hope deferred makes the heart sick. Yeah, like I feel like I haven't learned my lesson yet

2180
02:07:41.320 --> 02:07:43.980
Like stop getting your hopes up with this situation

2181
02:07:44.520 --> 02:07:51.140
Well, whatever this situation is. I'm not sure if it's serving you. Well, I know we keep extending time and still not talking about

2182
02:07:52.140 --> 02:07:55.460
Okay, you may have to let this fella go but we'll

2183
02:07:56.100 --> 02:07:58.160
Think he got too many problems already

2184
02:07:59.980 --> 02:08:02.480
I'm a little concerned myself, but

2185
02:08:03.360 --> 02:08:07.560
Let's talk about it Nikki. I don't want you to do it by yourself in

2186
02:08:08.120 --> 02:08:10.360
Let's let's let's chat about it

2187
02:08:11.180 --> 02:08:13.820
Thank you, okay

2188
02:08:16.040 --> 02:08:17.840
He's not a bad guy

2189
02:08:18.520 --> 02:08:24.920
Not at all. In fact, that's I wish I could tell you but anyways, he's not a bad guy

2190
02:08:24.920 --> 02:08:26.920
I promise it's not him. Oh

2191
02:08:27.660 --> 02:08:33.540
Yeah, and that's what makes it so difficult. He's actually like really wonderful in a lot of ways

2192
02:08:33.980 --> 02:08:38.720
But from what I know about him so far. Yeah. Yeah, okay

2193
02:08:38.940 --> 02:08:40.980
Okay, and there's well outside

2194
02:08:41.300 --> 02:08:49.560
Outside things that make me wonder is God doing something like outside things that I I'm not asking for I'm not looking for anything

2195
02:08:49.560 --> 02:08:53.900
In fact, I haven't encouraged this at all. So that's why I'm like, oh lord

2196
02:08:53.900 --> 02:08:59.500
I don't know what you're doing. But then I'm I keep thinking I need to accept the disappointment and move on

2197
02:08:59.520 --> 02:09:01.440
internally move on

2198
02:09:01.440 --> 02:09:08.120
But anyway, I'll share more next week. Thanks for okay. We'll process through it. Okay. All right

2199
02:09:10.580 --> 02:09:11.660
Sandy I

2200
02:09:11.660 --> 02:09:18.060
Thanks for I know it's super late. Thanks for taking my I guess my hand. I really don't have a question

2201
02:09:18.060 --> 02:09:22.160
I just wanted to kind of introduce myself. This is my first time being back

2202
02:09:22.160 --> 02:09:26.700
And so I started the phase one like in January last year

2203
02:09:26.780 --> 02:09:33.740
and I did the phase one and I was in a I was in a very toxic relationship to the point that I actually

2204
02:09:33.740 --> 02:09:35.760
moved out of state and

2205
02:09:35.760 --> 02:09:42.720
Have been doing a lot of work a lot of my own work with attachment and and stuff like that

2206
02:09:43.000 --> 02:09:46.700
and getting to a place where I'm I

2207
02:09:49.000 --> 02:09:51.320
I'm not fully through all of it yet

2208
02:09:51.320 --> 02:09:55.360
But it's like just like I'm always gonna love this guy and it's just gonna be that way

2209
02:09:55.360 --> 02:09:59.860
but I can't have him get in the way of my what's going on in my future, so

2210
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:09.740
Um, I just jumped back into, you know, this program and it's, it has, um, morphed the,

2211
02:10:09.740 --> 02:10:15.160
the format of it has morphed from when I was in it, um, last year, uh, like a year and

2212
02:10:15.160 --> 02:10:15.720
a half ago.

2213
02:10:15.720 --> 02:10:18.300
And so, um, Ebony, you're new.

2214
02:10:18.340 --> 02:10:19.880
I love what you have to say.

2215
02:10:19.940 --> 02:10:26.960
Um, I could really resonate with what you were talking to, um, Audrey Aubrey about,

2216
02:10:26.960 --> 02:10:33.440
um, I just, um, got on not too long ago, got on two dating apps.

2217
02:10:33.680 --> 02:10:39.180
I'm not super happy with either one of them because they keep like putting people up there.

2218
02:10:39.180 --> 02:10:42.240
They're like 250 plus more miles from me.

2219
02:10:42.300 --> 02:10:46.320
And I'm like, you can't tell me that there aren't people closer than that.

2220
02:10:46.640 --> 02:10:48.880
Um, so I'm super disappointed with it so far.

2221
02:10:48.880 --> 02:10:50.300
I know it's early in the game for me.

2222
02:10:50.720 --> 02:10:55.220
Um, but anyway, I just wanted to say hi and kind of get a better feel.

2223
02:10:55.220 --> 02:10:57.900
I guess you're on here every Tuesday evening then?

2224
02:10:58.800 --> 02:10:58.800


2225
02:10:58.800 --> 02:11:01.400
And Carla is on Tuesday afternoon.

2226
02:11:02.020 --> 02:11:02.440
Okay.

2227
02:11:02.480 --> 02:11:02.920
Okay.

2228
02:11:02.920 --> 02:11:06.940
I'm so happy to join you and I plan on being back next Tuesday.

2229
02:11:07.580 --> 02:11:08.020
Yeah.

2230
02:11:08.020 --> 02:11:09.720
We're so happy to have you back, Sandy.

2231
02:11:09.840 --> 02:11:11.340
It's going to be a joyful ride.

2232
02:11:11.420 --> 02:11:12.900
I'm sure of it.

2233
02:11:12.900 --> 02:11:13.400
All right.

2234
02:11:13.520 --> 02:11:13.920
Thank you.

2235
02:11:14.600 --> 02:11:15.040
You're welcome.

2236
02:11:15.420 --> 02:11:15.800
Ladies.

2237
02:11:15.980 --> 02:11:16.800
It was a blast.

2238
02:11:16.940 --> 02:11:21.420
I was so happy to hear from Nigga and from all of y'all, please post, say something on

2239
02:11:21.420 --> 02:11:22.300
the community wall.

2240
02:11:22.300 --> 02:11:25.240
I'm always waiting and excited to hear what you have going on.

2241
02:11:25.240 --> 02:11:30.980
So good to see you tonight, Leah and Nadine in Orlando, Florida, cause Carol Jean, I think

2242
02:11:30.980 --> 02:11:32.080
that's how you say your name.

2243
02:11:32.260 --> 02:11:33.340
Ashley, keep us updated.

2244
02:11:33.820 --> 02:11:37.900
All right, ladies, you guys have a great night, sleep well, and know that your husband is

2245
02:11:38.000 --> 02:11:38.880
coming soon.

2246
02:11:39.900 --> 02:11:40.420
Um, Ebony.

2247
02:11:40.600 --> 02:11:42.240
Thanks so much, Ebony.

2248
02:11:42.760 --> 02:11:43.400
You're welcome.

2249
02:11:43.980 --> 02:11:46.120
I didn't know if you wanted to still pray for Jamaica.

2250
02:11:47.820 --> 02:11:49.600
Uh, I do, but it's late.

2251
02:11:50.040 --> 02:11:50.220
Okay.

2252
02:11:50.960 --> 02:11:51.220
Yeah.

2253
02:11:51.220 --> 02:11:52.980
So we're going to have to pray separately.

2254
02:11:53.240 --> 02:11:55.020
I thought about it, but it's so late.

2255
02:11:55.760 --> 02:11:55.760


2256
02:11:55.940 --> 02:11:56.420
Okay.

2257
02:11:56.420 --> 02:11:57.480
Thank you though, Nikki.

2258
02:11:58.760 --> 02:11:59.320
Thank you.

2259
02:11:59.500 --> 02:11:59.780
Bye.

2260
02:12:00.300 --> 02:12:00.700
Okay.

2261
02:12:00.700 --> 02:12:01.360
Bye, ladies.

2262
02:12:01.760 --> 02:12:02.200
Thank you.