There we go.
Okay. We are recording.
Awesome. So yes, I have Damaris,
she's brand new and yes,
Laura and I got to meet in Austin.
It was such a wonderful,
beautiful, amazing time in Austin.
Ladies, if there's ever an opportunity for you all to get
to like a last year single trip or some sort of retreat,
or to get together with other women in this community,
I cannot stress enough just how important
and like life-changing it really is.
I've been in this community since the very beginning
in 2020 when Jackie, you know, took this leap of faith
and posted an ad on Facebook in the middle of, you know,
COVID and I, you know,
I was a little bit resistant to it,
but there was something supernatural
and something so divine on her message.
And, you know, God just prompted me and y'all,
he's been working on me since.
And, you know, obviously he's written my love story,
but ladies, he will continue to write your love story.
Continue, okay?
So yes, for those of you ladies that don't know me,
I am Carla Johnson.
I am one of your coaches here at last year single.
I have been in the community four or five years since 2020.
I met my husband at the end of 2022,
which again, that was pretty, pretty godly,
pretty, pretty incredible community-based matchmaking
from this community at its finest.
So we'll definitely encourage you ladies
to get connected with this community for that purpose
and for that reason.
And yeah, and so then we got married September 3rd of 2023,
and we've been married now a little over two years
and God is still using this community to work
in my love story and to use heartwork in all the things.
And so, like I said, things that I was able to share
with the ladies on the retreat,
it was really humbling and just a blessing for me
to be able to experience being on the other side
of my love story, if you will,
and being able to witness those ladies experiencing
a retreat that I got to experience.
And, you know, it's just really, it was really powerful.
And so I just encourage if there's ever an opportunity
for you ladies to do so, please, please do it.
God will make a way for you.
If God puts it on your heart, do it.
But yeah, it was very, it was a wonderful time.
Like I said, I got to look at it from a different lens
and see what God was doing
and then know what God was going to continue to do
for these women once they did meet their, you know,
when they do meet their husbands,
because God was working even on my heart that weekend
and in my marriage and what God has been calling
into my destiny DNA and things that he's been doing
in my blended family and our lives.
And so, and how he used that retreat
to just highlight certain things.
And so it's just absolutely incredible.
So like I said, get connected in this community, ladies,
if you haven't already, you won't regret it.
It will be life-changing, you'll get breakthroughs
and it is absolutely phenomenal.
So, but yes, I see hands up.
Okay, so I got Mika, Alexandra,
because we talked on the app.
I got Leah, she's going to give me an update.
Lori, I definitely so glad you came on
because I was just telling the ladies before you jumped on,
I want to clear the air
because I definitely apologize for how I miscommunicated.
And I totally, totally wanna make sure that I correct that.
I went back and read what I responded and was like,
oh yeah, I guess it sounded like I thought
that was a yellow flag when really that was a red flag.
And I don't want any ladies to get confused
by what I meant there.
So I definitely am thankful that you're gonna
share what happened so we can dig into that.
I know Kim's probably got an update for us
and then Stephanie, I want to unpack some more with you
as to what happened with you.
And then anybody else, if you have any questions
about if you are dating right now
and you have any dating questions
and if you're not dating right now
and you have any questions,
heartwork things or you have concerns or fears or celebrations or just anything that's happening
that God is highlighting to you like share it like this is what this time is for okay um
this phase is a smaller phase for you ladies as you go from phase one and doing the heartwork
as you kind of move and transition into dating but before you head into that phase three group
which is a much larger community okay and so we understand how the transition can you know
open up some more heart areas that need to be healed and how intimidating or um that heartwork
can kind of be like oh wow I did not expect that to come up and so we just want to make this a
place for you to be able to come and just get a little bit more of time and attention from myself
and ebony some coaches here at last year single before um kind of going into the larger group
where um it's a there's a lot more people where some of us that like how I was before can sometimes
not always want to share everything with a whole big group of people that I still don't know very
well um so when I came in the program it was more like this smaller size community like what phase
two was like so if I were to join now and had gone into phase three and had as many I probably
wouldn't have been as open so um ladies definitely spend time here don't rush through phase two
um I hope you didn't rush through phase one if you did don't worry I'm one of your coaches that
will heart work you too okay I'm one of the girls that will do that don't worry um because
heart work you never graduate from all right you will continue to grow and heal and um
pull layers out because God is constantly working on those those layers and healing and growing and
upgrading you okay so um yes let's get started I'm going to quickly pray for us I got lots of
hands today because I got lots of ladies on this is good good good good um Lori I see that you have
to get off so yes um you can be quick and you got that appointment so yes let's definitely unpack
that and then yes Stephanie um we can talk about phase three as well okay um and Ashley you're at
a new workspace so you're not able to chat okay totally cool um you set up a profile on arc and
had two matches that's awesome um I love it perfect so yes anything that we cover today
Ashley I know if you can't unmute put your questions any of that stuff in the app ladies
if we can't get to you always come to the app okay um so know that here on these Tuesday calls
and the app always important work them both together just because you come to the zoom calls
doesn't mean that you can't come on the app and just because you come to the app doesn't mean we
don't want you trying to cut not come to the zoom calls we get scheduling conflicts sometimes happen
but if there's a chance at least every couple weeks to come to a Tuesday call try try try to
Tuesday calls super important okay me in the afternoons ebony in the evenings sometimes I do
my best to try to get into at least one evening one at least once every month or two sometimes
it's three I should be able to do that better because my son is now off of fall baseball so
hopefully I can make a few evening ones um from time from time to time until he gets in his spring
baseball um but if you can only make one watch the other one in replay if you can't make either
watch both of them in replay okay um so I think that's about it for probably housekeeping stuff
um okay you have to go as well okay you have to wait to update me okay and then you can I know
you also Sam you posted a few things so I'm I think I caught up on some I might have missed one
I know if ebony is replied I'm going through and seeing what ebony reply because sometimes
I don't see those so I am making an effort to go through
and make sure I read the ones that even Ebony replied to so that I stay up to date,
because I know she even does the same thing when I reply to you all.
She's always going into making sure that she's catching up as well.
So, but yeah, definitely keep me posted and updated.
I think I touched base with the one guy that you,
you were like, he's not for me because he was older,
but we want to do this community-based matchmaking ladies.
So when you're out meeting guys or guys are connecting with you and you're like,
okay, you're out of my age range, or I'm not, you might get to know him a little bit.
And you're like, okay, you're not my person, but you're really nice.
Introduce him to our community. Be looking out for your sisters.
Okay. That was something that Jackie shared with us at the anniversary party.
Okay. That happened to me and my love story.
One of my sisters here in the community,
she happened to see my husband's profile on some Facebook group.
She screenshot all of his little photos and everything that he said in his profile thing
and sent it to me. Like she messaged it to me.
She's like, Hey, what do you think? Okay.
And y'all, it was during a time and I was just like tore up from the floor up.
I was like, this ain't happening for me. Like I'm done.
I've been in this program for over two years. It's not happening.
But she was just like, just check it out.
I was like, you know what, anything's worth a shot, like whatever.
But I wasn't super hopeful about it, but I was just like, whatever.
I'll be willing to be made willing. Right.
Okay. And then the rest is history.
Okay. And that's obviously I could go in on the details, but we don't have time for that.
So be looking out for your sisters though. Okay.
That's what you make happen for others. God can make happen for you.
So keep that in mind.
This is new on health phase two calls work.
Usually I will be a listener in the morning because I'm at work,
but be more interactive in the afternoon. Totally fine.
Totally fine. If you want to come in and listen to me,
and then if you want to jump in on Ebony's calls in the afternoon,
where you actually have the ability to talk and ask her questions,
and she can give you feedback by all means do that.
I actually encourage you ladies to listen or come to both.
You can't come to both, at least listen to both.
Because all these questions are going to be different based on who's coming.
So keep that in mind. Awesome.
Thank you, Laura. I so appreciate that.
So yeah, Laura probably got to hear an earful of my story weekend.
I got to share a little bit more.
So with the ladies on the retreat.
Okay. I think I covered everybody here.
All right. So let me quickly pray.
And then Lori, I will take you and then we'll just, we'll get the ball rolling.
Okay. We'll be a short, brief and powerful as possible.
And y'all that are on with me often know that that is difficult for me.
So, all right, we'll do our best. Okay.
For those of you that know, you know, all right.
Father, I just thank you for this community of women in this phase, Lord.
I just thank you for just their vulnerability.
I thank you for just their open hearts, God.
I thank you just for Jackie and David and this community.
And just, you know, everyone that pours their wisdom, their heart,
they're just, you know, they're just everything, their vulnerability, everything.
And they just laid at your feet, God.
I just, I thank you for that.
You are on the move.
You are totally in this and, you know, nothing is wasted, Lord.
And I just thank you for that.
I think, you know, in the highs and the lows that you are just in it all, all the time,
you know, and that's just, it's your promise.
It's, you're just with us.
And so, Lord, I just, I'm asking that you just release this supernatural hope
and that these women take hold of what you are speaking
in their lives right now, in the spirit, in the prophetic God.
Lord, allow them to embrace and absorb that word that the siege is over.
All of the enemies attack, everything that was keeping things from
coming in or going out, Lord, that is gone, Lord, that it is just gone.
And that now they can start stepping into the inheritance that you gave them,
not in their own doing, Lord, but because of what your son did on the cross for us, Lord.
That we don't do it in our strength, but we do it in what Jesus did for us
So Lord, I just thank you for that
That we we don't have to strive
That we don't have to live in these generational curses because the inheritance is
Stronger and more powerful than the curses so Lord I ask that you just release
this supernatural
hope and faith and
just
encouragement
Over each and every one of these ladies on the call today and that are listening and replay and just everyone in this community
that Lord they start receiving your blessings your generational blessings your
Inheritance Lord that they're gonna start stepping in to all that you already have for them
Not because of what they've done
But because of all of those that were in their family line that were a friend to you
That have already prayed for them
that Lord
Let all of those mantles
Be put on them to have them carry out
Give them the grace and the favor to step into those callings Lord
You have the victory you have it all Lord and I just thank you for that. So just be with us today, Lord
I just ask that you come into the space that you speak through
Myself and anybody else on this call and that we just hear your your truth your wisdom your knowledge your love your joy
All of it in Jesus name. Amen
All right
All right, I think Ashley you said I did think of a question I figure it's mostly preference but how much younger than is
Normal, the app automatically did ten years. Okay. So yes, we'll get to that
But I do want to get to Laurie before she has to go because she's got I think probably like five or ten minutes
All right, Laurie update us and then I want to clear the air about yellow and red flags
Hey girl
I gotta get my notes out eating a quick bite. Okay, so
Just a quick I met a guy online and we really hit it off and but things went super fast and
Definitely was love-bombing. Okay, even though you know, I did enjoy the space of like
Um
You know, I felt all the things before he gave me the compliments like I felt inside and
so it wasn't like I felt like he took anything away
from me like I
felt beautiful when I showed up and I
Was but I was beautiful before he told me
and so I don't feel I don't feel like any of the things like that he said or the compliments were like
um
Yeah, anyway, yeah, um
Yeah, it was fast. He you know, just throughout the conversation, you know, every time something came up. I'm like, oh no
like
like so
obvious like, you know
the invitation to Chicago
After we'd had one date
To go on a design trip with this client and I'm I was just like totally joking
I'm like, well, what would you call me? And he's like, well girlfriend and I'm like, oh man
I think that you know, the interesting thing is like I could sense that he was gonna invite me and
Yeah, I just felt the Lord's covering on so much and I think you know
Then you know the girlfriend and then he said sweetie and I kept on setting boundaries and the difference was it's like so I
Feel like released to not try to figure out what it was. Yeah, I don't know if he's I
Don't need to label him. I mean do I see patterns that feel
scary and do I see
Things that will not produce good fruit and do I feel like I'm having to protect my boundaries over and over again and like
logistics on how would we get to know each other and like
So like if you stayed with me, would you?
Would you want me to get a guest bed? And I'm like, this is like all like so
So like, you know, it's that thought of like being pursued and like, you know being chosen
And I'm like but chosen by
But also keeping this in the frame of mind that this feels like test number two
and so I feel like I'm also not taking it personally and so it was just kind of
like playing pickleball do you want to come and stay at this like like at the
Visceroy in Chicago this is like this high-end hotel and it's like no do you
want to stay overnight no I'm a tennis player my son I've only played
pickleball once and and so like I do with both hands and anyway it's just
like batting it was just like these questions of like will you do this will
you let your guard down here is this okay and it was like no no no and it
like kept on and I'm like wow like I don't trust you to lead our relationship
in a holy way and as much as you represent all these great like you're an
architect and he's got award-winning designs and the dream of like having a
format and like all these like shared dreams and like so great but this like
this like soulish and and I'm like my husband he may have all those things he
have some of those things but it's just like left me in this space it's like
it's taken down the facade is what it's done and I gave myself eight hours and
just took some space after I posted and then I I actually went back in and said
I'm like yellow flag and I'm like wow I I feel like you know I'm really feel like
I'm quite awake because I have accountability and to show up every week
and like okay what's what's going on and this doesn't look like my kinsmen
temptation after temptation after temptation yeah and it's like as I said no no no no
and it's like this facade of like this image of a man feels like it's just been torn down
and I had the I've been seeing Joshua one one and it was like 111 and you will cross over in
days and I've crossed over and it didn't necessarily and you know my husband manifesting
and now my prayers have changed from like Lord like I want some you know like all these things
that are beautiful in and of themselves and they're good things but now it's like Lord give
me a man who's burning for you give me a man who desires your heart give me a man who's got a pure
heart that's been purified in the fire give me that man yes so it's like so I did go back and
offer up say hey I've been quiet thanks for the time and space process and I did I thought well
I feel strong enough and also thinking okay if this is a yellow flag I feel strong and awake
enough to offer up a conversation but he just messaged the next day and said I I don't feel I
don't think I want to go do long distance again and so it was this big promise of all these this
future and how we could figure it out and oh yeah and it was at that point that I thought the Lord
told me that first round that first test was I felt like I had to fight and he told me not by
my nor by power but by my spirit and what I did was came into a line and said no and the beautiful
thing was as I didn't like have to karate chop it I didn't have to be like like Satan get away from
me this was like resting in the spirit and he fought for me and it dropped off and I literally
crossed over and he it was his spirit and I don't want that and I mean I'm still processing through
the fact that he told me he was single for three years and he's definitely just I saw a picture on
Facebook and I know I'm not supposed to go on there but he's definitely only been single for a
year but you know here's the thing like that whole thing is a lie the whole thing is a mirage it's not
reality
And it's not truth.
Yeah, and
All right, I'm getting lots of things yeah, okay
So first I do want to clear up. Okay. So yeah when you were like
It's a yellow flag not a red and I'm like did I say it was just a yellow flag and I went back and I
Read my stuff and I'm like I went back and read yours and then I went back in my mind
I'm like, oh, I guess I did say that and I'm thinking why would I have said that and so I think what I was referring
to with the yellow flags is I
Think when I read your and again because I had responded to this like about a week ago
I think yeah, and I was going back and I'm like
When I was responding to this, what was I thinking?
when I was reading through what you had shared I
Think I was responding to more of
The guy kind of being more like this man being more of the exhilarated like kind of just sharing what what he wants and and he
It was it felt more exhilarated
Yeah, and what I was sensing is this
More of this fear like oh, I'm being love-bombed. So I'm gonna put up a wall and so that I was like
Well, hold on a second
We don't want to just jump to conclusions. Okay, so that's what I was responding to at first
But as you continue to keep writing I did I kept posting
I'm like no like this guy is pushing physical boundaries and you started sharing more of that stuff
I'm like, oh no, and then and then I think in my post in that same post I express I'm like, however
This guy is sharing about a guest bedroom
Like he's now exposing himself like those first little indicators where your thought Oh red flag
I'm like, well, that wouldn't have been the red flag there
the red flag comes when he's now starting to push the boundary of the physical stuff and saying Oh
Guest bedroom. Oh come with me here. Oh, this is gonna be hard to not be physical
No, he said like ladies. He said he didn't want let me be clear. I don't want to get involved physical physically early and
Early but what's his definition? Yeah. Yeah, and he asked me if I wanted to wait if I wanted to wait until marriage
And he said he did but he said it would be hard
so
Yeah, everybody might have good intentions about waiting for marriage it's gonna make somebody who's convicted
That you've been on one day is already telling you. Yeah. Oh, this is gonna be really hard. Oh
We have this connection. Oh, I want you to come to Chicago with me. Oh, are we gonna get ladies?
this
Yeah, he might have all
the intention of wanting to hold that
But ladies if a man is telling you it's gonna be difficult
It's gonna be difficult. All right, you are
It is I think it is gonna be I think it's gonna be
My word it is very difficult like once you meet and you're engaged to your husband
Somebody you're gonna marry. Oh y'all it's difficult
like you have to really
Make sure you both are holding each other accountable. You need a man that is going to
Make sure that he's gonna have the self-control as well
Well, yeah comes out and says oh
Yes, this is priority my protecting you and us. I will do that
I am the patient ladies is going to be there and it's not just gonna come from the man. It's gonna come from y'all, too
Ladies that have that
Have experienced it before
Okay, and there's no there's no shame ladies. I
Am the I am the last person that would be throwing any shame towards anybody because if y'all know my story I
Was a single mom and I was never married before
So they ain't no shame being thrown from me. Okay
If anything I can totally relate and I can totally relate to always being feeling shame because of it
that was something God had to work in my heart and I had to forgive myself for and
And
Because I use that as a whole identity thing to that
I didn't think guys wanted to date me and there were actually Christian guys that didn't date me because I
Would never been married and I had a kid
Christian men did not want to be with me because I had a kid and I'd never been married
And you know I that was that was sometimes a tough pill to swallow made me
feel like I wasn't worthy, I was damaged goods, y'all.
But that's not true.
That's what the enemy wanted me to believe.
What I had to do is heal from that trauma
that put me in that place,
those lies that I believed about myself
that got me making choices that I did.
And I had to break that off
and start believing the truth that God said I was.
And he redeemed that for me.
So there's never any shame there,
but that's what I'm saying.
Lori, like, I don't,
so that was where the whole yellow, red misconfusion came.
So again, my apologies.
I want to clear the air that, no,
that guy was showing red flags.
100%.
At first it was like the yellow flag is like, oh.
Oh, I kept adding to my,
I think I posted like 10 times.
No, these are red flags.
So I apologize for that confusion.
A few more things, because I do know you have to go
and I have lots more ladies that want to share.
I really strongly, again, I wrote a lot down,
so I'm gonna try to quickly get through this.
I think before when you were dating,
I think your tendency was to get caught up
in all of that very, very easily.
Would you agree?
I think some of those other,
early on, several months ago when we were sharing
about some of the guys you were dating,
you got infatuated very quickly.
Yes.
You've had a lot of breakthroughs since then.
Yes.
For those of you that are new,
Lori has really done a lot of hard work
and she is really showing up and sharing her experiences
and diving in with the Lord
and really allowing every one of these dating experiences
that she's going through to really sit with the Lord with.
And because of that, because of the dedication
and the commitment that she is choosing for herself
and the partnership and the alignment
that she's choosing to do with the Lord,
we are seeing incredible breakthrough for her.
And so each and every one of you,
that's right there for you too.
It's the invitation is right there, okay?
So don't think that it's just happening for Lori.
That is literally over this entire community, okay?
So before she'd get caught up in this
and now she's starting to recognize
and the healing is starting to show
as she's interacting with these guys.
God is allowing her to see the counterfeit.
Like that's what I said.
Like you're recognizing these flags
and you're getting these checks
because you're in line with the Holy Spirit now.
You've gotten some healing under your belt.
Yeah.
And so you're able to see that.
And the one thing that like I really felt
when you were sharing this,
and it reminds me of the story
that my husband shared with me when we met
and we decided to get married
is that what God shared with him
is how the enemy will like to come in
right before God wants to come in
and give you what he's got for you.
The enemy is gonna wanna come in
and try to literally show you the exact same thing
but it's a counterfeit.
It's going to look like the promise that God has for you
but it is a deception.
Yeah.
It is a counterfeit.
It is a lie.
Yeah, because it had all so many things.
It shows.
Now I'm swiping and I'm like,
what do you think, Holy Spirit?
Like, help me to see, help me to see.
So she's using, she's pouring into the Lord
and she's coming to community.
She's sitting with these things and with Holy Spirit.
She's bringing these situations with Holy Spirit
and into the community and she's getting,
okay, I want wisdom.
I want discernment.
Yeah.
That's what's different now.
Yeah.
She's utilizing the heart work tools.
Yeah.
And she's getting revelation after revelation, y'all.
Like God is showing up.
And so I felt strongly about that.
And so again, you're seeing the patterns.
So where is the, like, and here's the thing.
These were all good questions that I think he was asking
but like you said, they were happening too fast.
Yeah.
And things can be accelerated but again,
if you have that and you're coming to community
and you're like, no, some,
like God is not giving me this peace.
Yeah.
And we're talking through it.
Okay, you're working with coaches.
We're getting to heart work stuff.
Okay.
And you even said like, okay.
This is test number two, right?
I'm not taking it personally anymore.
Yeah, it's like resist the devil and he will flee from you.
Now, I'm not saying that guy was that,
but there's a, it's a spirit.
Yeah.
And, and so.
We're not, we're not dealing with flesh and blood y'all.
And, and whether, you know, whatever, if, you know,
we want to put labels, not on a person,
but on a behavior pattern and, and just say, you know what,
yeah, I'm trying to think what I was going to say.
I have one more thing too.
Cause you were talking about the first round,
you felt like you had a fight and I'm sitting here,
like literally a boxing match where you feel like
you're having the one.
Instant gratification.
If denying instant gratification and the spirit falls off.
Yeah.
So it's all these things, you know,
all this picture of this incredible fun.
And all these things.
Cause your husband's going to carry that.
Like that's what God has for you.
And I'm like, but you deny the instant gratification.
And I'm like, well, I thought we were getting married.
Where'd you go?
And look, he disappeared.
Cause he fled because he wasn't.
What if it's a bully?
He wasn't the real thing.
He was a cuspid.
It's a bully.
And it's not that it's him.
Again, he's, you can pray for him.
He's probably a good man.
Yes.
He's just operating in his own wounds and his own trauma
and he's under like, we all have those flags, right?
Yeah.
And it's not the person it's the behavior.
It's the, the attraction.
It's, it's the spiritual like attraction
that sometimes we have like out of our brokenness,
we kind of attract that same brokenness.
And that's what we talk about with heartwork
is what you believe you become
and what you become you attract.
And so heartwork is key here.
Cause once you get that healing,
you're no longer going to be attracted to that.
And so that's why Lori, you're starting to see this.
Yeah.
You're not like you've broken off that unhealthy stuff
and you're like, I'm healing.
I'm no longer, I'm seeing these patterns
and they don't fit well anymore.
They don't fit.
I'm not attracted to this.
Something doesn't, it feels off.
Like I like this, but it's not comfortable.
And so you're removing that.
So you're sitting here with your boxing gloves on
in the first round, cause you're doing the fight.
But now you're like, I don't have,
I can take my boxing gloves off.
And then I see this image where you're no longer in this,
you're no longer in this boxing ring anymore.
Yeah.
More so you're on this spiritual battlefield
where you may have the armor on
and all those arrows may be coming at you,
but it doesn't mean that you're not protected
because the God sees you.
And he's like, okay, you come here and take shelter.
Doesn't mean that you're going to come off the battlefield.
It means you need to take shelter.
You need to get a drink of water.
You need to refresh yourself.
You need to come seek me right now.
I'm going to restore you.
I'm going to, you know, buffer out your armor.
I'm going to sharpen your blades.
I'm going to do all of these things for you.
Now you're back on the battlefield
because I'm sitting here and watching over you.
Yeah.
You're not in the boxing match by yourself anymore.
Yeah.
You're on the battlefield with other believers,
with a God that's watching over you.
Yeah.
He brings it so we can overcome it.
Yeah.
Like literally get out that David Goliath moment
where he brings that Goliath at us
and he says, I've prepared you.
Yeah.
So you can do it like, ladies, I just, again,
I want this to encourage each and every one of you,
keep pushing through.
Keep pushing through.
This siege is over y'all.
Yeah.
You all can start stepping into this.
The siege is over.
And, you know, I look at this and I'm like,
this does not look like my family legacy.
I am a partner in my family legacy.
And I believe that God is not only restoring me,
but he's restoring my family.
And this is not, this does not look like that.
Yeah.
And so there's a lot at stake.
Yeah.
And so we can sit,
we can sit and know that we don't have to do it
in our own strength.
He's got it.
Yeah.
Because the power of, you know,
the generational blessings is way stronger
than any generational curse.
Yeah.
Those curses, those don't have any power
compared to the power of what Jesus is able to do.
Thank you so much for sharing that, Lori.
Yeah.
All right, Mika.
How are you, babe?
Good, good.
Very excited, excited.
So the latest is, I saw that you applied to the guy
that I had been asking about
because he was bringing up physical stuff.
So I actually decided, I didn't like how,
I mean, everybody's different
and I know I can probably work through that,
but I was just like, in this season of my life,
I don't want to engage with someone
who's prioritizing putting that at the forefront.
I didn't really like how it made me feel
in my body, in my mind, or in my spirit.
And so I gave it some thought and I was just like,
I paused and I doubled back.
I said, you know, I noticed how you were focusing in
on physical first before we even have a phone conversation.
And so I just, I'm not planning on being physical
with anyone but my husband.
I want to wish you the best.
And I unmatched him.
Best wishes on your search.
Yeah.
There you go.
Yep.
And you were kind.
You weren't, you didn't, you didn't have to be,
you didn't have to be defensive, but you were kind.
You had peace about how you shared that
and you can move forward.
Mm-hmm.
And I, yeah, and I'll even own that that's also,
that's also, I think that's also a peace for me
that I know in my mind because of the journey
that I've been through.
I would constantly be wondering in the back of my mind
with our interactions, like, is he thinking about,
he wants to talk about physical now or physical now.
I just don't want to start off like that.
I know eventually it'll come up, but, you know,
especially like just thinking about everything
that we're doing here with heart work and everything.
It's just like, I want to, I mean,
I feel like even the minimum is someone
who doesn't even believe in Jesus.
You know, it's like tech, right?
Like there's a certain kind of guy that's willing to do that
and go there first.
And then there's a certain classier guy
that won't even touch that.
Yeah.
And that's, and I've been exposed to both.
Thank you, Jesus.
And that's not okay.
And that's not for me.
And yeah, top of the list.
What I also recognize too is that when you start,
and ladies, I'm gonna speak this to all of you.
When you start speaking out of a healthy, healed,
feminine, but firm heart, where you're like,
hey, I've got this boundary, this is important to me.
And you're talking to a masculine man.
He's gonna respect that boundary.
And so you'll see that, you know?
Many of the women on here may have heard this before,
because I've shared this time and time again.
My husband on our first date asked to kiss me.
Oh, okay.
Not that I didn't want to kiss him, but I knew,
I was like, no, I can't.
I made the commitment, I was not gonna kiss
until I was in an explicit relationship.
That was a boundary I knew, for me, I needed to have.
Because if I'm kissing somebody,
I'm not gonna see any of the flags, y'all.
Because I like it.
I made that mistake many times.
And I was like, dang it.
Every time I get myself into trouble,
and then I get all in my feelings, and I'm like,
I just gotta learn to say no.
So I told him no.
I told him no.
And y'all, he was so respectful
and didn't pressure me at all.
And even then, when we did get exclusive,
he asked me, when you're ready, will you just let me know?
So good, that's awesome.
I was like, well, dang.
Like, that to me was just like,
oh, now that's a masculine man, okay?
So just because my husband asked me for the kiss
in the beginning, wasn't like a,
oh, no, I'm not gonna do this.
Like, I'm gonna ask them.
It was, no, I'm gonna hold the boundary.
And let's see where he goes with it.
And he respected it and never pushed me again.
But that was before,
that was after you guys had a conversation.
You guys got by text, right?
This one, we haven't even had a phone conversation.
Exactly.
Now, if you do, again, and you can just say,
hey, the next time,
like, you recognized when he was having that conversation,
and you're like, ah, I should have went back
and said something.
Now, in the future, if a guy does that again,
as soon as you see that, you're gonna know the tools.
I'm gonna address this,
and I'm gonna address it politely, kindly, but firmly.
Hey, I'm just someone
that's just not gonna cross those lines,
especially with someone that I'm still trying to get to know
and I haven't even met you in person,
nor do,
we even know each other.
So I would prefer if we just didn't talk about those things.
Would that be okay with you?
That's a good point, yeah.
And then, you know,
see if he actually follows through with it.
If he somehow tries to squeeze it in in a flirty way,
or when he sees you,
tries to go in to kiss you without asking you,
ladies, these men need to be asking.
I'm sorry.
And maybe I'm just, again,
maybe my husband just spoiled me with the asking permission.
But when he did that, I'm like,
well, why aren't more men asking?
I mean, my husband asked me if he could hold my hand.
And I'm like,
some men will just grab your hand or give you a hug
or just go in for it and not ask.
And I'm like, I never thought about that until him.
Like, what makes men think
that they can just go in for it, right?
So I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know what?
Maybe some, these men need to be coached of,
hey, ask these ladies permission.
Now, I'm not saying we're gonna judge them.
We're gonna give them grace, ladies,
because they don't all have a Jackie.
They don't all have coaches.
Okay, you meet one of them and they seem like a nice guy
and they just need, they need a little grace.
They might not be for you, bring them to our community.
Well, we'll help them out as best we can.
All right, so, but yeah, I think you're just,
again, these are all things that God's gonna highlight
to you and help you grow and prepare in.
And it's just gonna contribute
to you meeting your spirit mate.
Yeah, thank you, thank you.
And so since then I've moved along, moved on.
There's a gentleman that called last night
and it's actually, it's through like a match,
it was like a matchmaking company thing
that I signed up for.
I think maybe about, it's been about a year now.
It's not, I don't get many outreaches,
but it's been a while.
I think it's been about four or five months since
and they like background checked them and all of that.
And the other ones haven't matched
because they've been Christian, but not really.
But this is the first one since this program.
So I was actually really excited.
So I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna like vomit on them
and like try to extra spiritualize them
and totally sabotage myself.
So I'm like really excited about this.
And I'm like-
Well, you just keep coming to community,
you keep sharing here.
Ladies, and I will tell you, that will help you.
If you're like me and sometimes kind of do the overshare,
coming to this community and oversharing with us here
will help you not overshare with the men.
What is that?
That will help tremendously.
So you ladies just keep coming,
putting your posts in the app,
keep coming and sharing on these calls
and that will help you sort it out
and get it kind of out of your head
for us to all process together.
Excellent.
So my-
Excellent, thank you.
And my question is-
My question is-
Can everybody mute unless you're on?
Hold on.
I know there's a way that I can mute everybody.
Hey, Damaris, can you mute yourself?
I know there's a button for me to mute.
I just can't find it.
Yeah, but that, they really don't matter much.
Hey, Damaris, if you hear us, can you mute yourself?
Oh, because it's, yeah,
that it has to be the IFSP date.
Yeah.
Does any of you ladies know how to mute?
Have any of you are familiar with?
Okay, I think she muted herself.
I'm gonna, I need to figure this out.
I go into the more thing and it doesn't say-
I think if you go under the participants,
there should be an option at the very top
that allows you to mute everyone.
Participants, okay.
Let me see.
Everyone, participants.
Oh, I see, it says mute all, okay.
Ask all to unmute, okay.
Mute participants, okay.
Thank you.
Who was that, Nadine?
Thank you so much.
Sure thing.
Awesome.
I've never really had to do that,
so that's good to know.
Now I know.
All right, sorry about that, ladies.
All right.
Okay.
Thank you so much, Mika. I appreciate you. So Mika and Lori, if you guys will put your hands down,
I got, um, Alexandra, you're up next. I wanted to see if I can ask a question,
though, a really quick question about the new guy. Is there a time for you to ask?
Will you put it in the chat? And then if I can't get into the chat, well, then you put it on the
app. Okay, we'll address it there. Got it. I still got a lot of these ladies, and we've got like 20
minutes. So I have a feeling I'm going to try to output. I'll push us over a little bit. But
I don't know if I can stay on super, super late. So, um, Alexandra. Okay, let's dive in because
I think we have some things to unpack, correct? Yes. And Lori's was super, I resonate with her.
Like, I've had a few people recently that I've been interested in that I've noticed are love
bombing. And so I guess if you could help me pinpoint what's going on there, I did come out
of like a pretty traumatic like house church environment. And it's been like a year and a
half and I, you know, I've done healing work there, but I never use I don't know. Anyway,
I do have some like past stuff that definitely like I really have a strong desire to feel loved
and to be loved. So maybe, you know, some walls go down. I'm trying to trust my gut. So I did end
up saying goodbye to that guy this morning, because we did a video call last night, he couldn't come
in person. Some background on that is like, we met online in two different areas. So like,
it was like this matchmaking Instagram profile. And he found me there. And we talked a little bit.
And I just this is before the program, I kind of like quickly judged him and was like, I don't
think we have a lot in common. Like, you know, I'm not interested, because he liked like 13 of
photos or something. Which I forgot about, until he reminded me, but which is kind of a lot.
Especially, usually, I'm like, that's kind of that's like coming on really strong. But
so anyway, then I kind of like forgot about that. And then he was on Facebook dating. And,
and he matched with me. And he was like, second chance. And I like thought it was kind of cute.
And also, I was in a new headspace. And so I was like, sure. So we've been
after heartwork then, right? Yes. Yeah. So I'm trying to give people like an opportunity. I
didn't really remember why I had said no to him. So anyway, and he's very, like, he's very, like,
present, and like, I guess, persistent. So like, I do appreciate that, like, on the apps, it's hard
sometimes when like, people don't really respond, or they're really not offering much or asking much
and like, this guy was present. I think that's also kind of getting me into these situations,
maybe. Because there's actually interaction there. Like, yeah, if people are not interacting,
you can't really do anything. But if there's someone's going to interact with you, it's like,
okay, what, at least there's some interaction. Let me just test, test it out here. Let me just
get some practice. Right? Yeah, yeah. Then I go, you must actually like like me. And so we've been
talking for like three weeks, I had to tell him to kind of slow down at the start, he seemed to
respect that. But then looking back now, it's like, I feel like he's kind of been pushing stuff
anyway. Like, so last night on zoom, he ended up like bringing up marriage. This is like our third,
like, either video or in person. And but we have a lot in common, but we were missing that
connection. That's what I was talking about online. I was like, I don't feel like they're
really jiving, like bouncing off of each other. Well, and I did have some discernment, I felt
like where I was like, I feel like he's trying to push this. So he's not a citizen, which like,
I was just trying to be open minded about and like, let the Holy Spirit like guide me in,
in that. And, you know, I think he's Oh, sorry, I don't know what's happening. Oh, I got a call.
Okay. Um, you're still there, though. You can see me. Okay. Um, so, uh, shoot.
Um, I'm trying to think what I was just Oh, citizenship. So I'm trying to be open minded.
And then, um, so I do feel like he's a very strong believer. And I we have a lot in common,
like longevity wise of like goals and things like that. Not everything, but like he sees,
like, we just have a lot in common. And so I was like, Okay, I want to give it like,
that's why I've been given him an opportunity because kind of like, similar to what Laurie
was experiencing. I was like, we've got like some similar heart values that are important to me.
And that's where I feel frustrated. I feel like why would God which I don't think this like,
I guess the natural part of me is like, why would God like bring this man who's like,
but then, so he wasn't taking things slow. So I told him he was talking about marriage loss.
a few different times and then he also wanted to hang out like on Thanksgiving and I was like on
Thanksgiving and so I told one of my close friends who's a strong believer she's in heart work and
she was like have you all met in person yeah once and he wanted to come this week but we just did a
video call instead okay okay so you've had two video calls and one in person yeah and he just
he feels ahead of it and he feels I still feel like he's pushing but not obviously pushing
and I'm like why why is he in such a like I just feel like
he's rushing and I also told like sneaky yeah yeah where's he can I ask where he's from he's
from Mexico but I can't think of the name of where it is he's been here for like five years
on a work visa okay so he's a work visa okay um real quick
and I I think the lord is providing his way in that like either way but I do think it's
in the background my discernment kind of tells me I feel like it's driving
him also with pushing our relationship quickly yeah again like I don't want you to ignore this
like unsettling that you're getting because again this is very quick and the fact that you're like
hey you're kind of talking like you're talking about marriage you're talking about Thanksgiving
and you're kind of like you're you're not at peace with it so I want I don't want you to ignore that
okay um you said that you're struggling because you guys have similar heart values and goals
how did you discover that you both had this similar goals and the reason I'm asking this
I want you to stop and really think about this okay and some of you ladies might even think and
this is not to get you ladies suspicious okay so if you're someone that gets suspicious I don't
want you to think too much into this okay I'm a little cautious on saying this because this is
this is where coaching in a group can get a challenge because some of you ladies
don't need to hear this but some of you ladies do okay
I don't want you ladies getting if you ladies get often suspicious and you think everybody's
out like every guy's gonna come and like get sneaky with you then then let's you you're you
already got those alarms on you don't need need anymore but if you're someone that's like
not always getting those alarms and you're kind of like oh I always find myself in these
situations and I'm not I'm not getting a clear like vibe and I somehow fell into this trap again
and you don't see it the those ladies I want you to listen to me okay
how did y'all discover that y'all had similar goals and heart postures and the reason I asked
this I want you to think back were you the one that was sharing your heart and your goals and
then he's in agreement with you and then kind of also sharing and it is aligning or
he's sharing about that and you're like oh my goodness yeah because if because here's the thing
ladies some some people are just really and I'm not gonna say men because women women do this too
it's yes it's mirroring they will mirror you that's what I feel like he's doing but okay
but at the same time he does just like he would just randomly share something okay I felt like
that it was legit um but also this is just for all you ladies I guess the ones like you said
the disclaimer I don't want to freak people out who already freaked out but he told me he wasn't
that into cats or dogs and then I looked back at his Facebook profile and like a couple days later
and he put that in his interests cats and dogs and I was like he literally told me that he didn't
like cats very much so I just felt like I guess for me that was just like this like like yeah
I don't want you to not listen to your gut here yeah no I already I told him goodbye this morning
because um I felt like I would not typically say this okay if you she I'm saying this for
because she's coming to us okay just because you may have a similar situation does not mean this
guy like the guy that you might be having this situation with and this guy are the same
so you ladies still need to come to your coaches and talk it out with us okay doesn't mean that
We'll get it right all the time, but you want us to know what's happening so that we can
be your blind spot for you.
Okay?
I'm not saying that this always happens, but I'm getting a check in my spirit.
Something's off.
Okay?
I'm not saying it will happen all the time, but for this one, I don't get a good feeling
about this.
I'm concerned because he's like, just by some of the things that you shared in your post,
like I'm, we click, but I just feel like there's something not there.
And like, he's pushing, he's, I put this boundary up, but then I'm not like, there's this, this
uncertainty, you don't have confidence and that the enemy will want to do that to you.
He's going to want to confuse you and give you this lack of confidence.
And then you, you also shared something that is typically a concern of mine that many of
the ladies in this community often do this.
I don't want to waste this guy's time.
I'm worried.
I'm leading him on.
I'm not sure how I feel about him.
I want to continue to get to know him.
There's something off that I don't quite know yet, but if I continue to go out with him,
now you have this feeling like I'm obligated.
It's this obligation that you feel.
I don't, when you ladies have that feeling of obligation, that's a flag for me, for you.
And that to me is like, we want to get, we want to get to the heart of why do you have
this?
Why do you have this feeling of obligation?
Yeah.
Cause he's, he wants to talk like every day, even after I told him to slow down, he's like,
okay, well then can we, he's texting me like good morning and good night.
Like every day.
It's just a lot.
Respecting that.
He's being sneaky about it.
Yeah.
He is.
He's saying, oh yeah, yeah, that's fine.
But his actions are not showing that he's actually respecting your boundary.
Yep.
He's not secure enough to say, oh yeah, we don't have to talk.
Yeah.
And in some ways, that's an insecurity in him.
So again, that makes me wonder, I mean, again, maybe he's trying to get you to marry him
because he wants to stay in the car.
Maybe he's not.
Okay.
Like we don't want to assume anything.
We never want to assume things out of people, but we also don't want to not listen to our
discerning checks in our spirit either.
We don't want to ignore those things.
Okay.
I was thinking in my head, like, cause I'm trying to listen to those more often.
And then someone said, Bethany, maybe like once you've gone through the heartwork, you
can trust that more, that feeling.
So that's where I was going from.
And then a good Christian friend of mine who's done the heartwork was like, I don't feel
good about this.
And I was like, okay.
And that's why you come to community because we can sit here and be your blind spots and
we can even use our, our discerning spirit.
Yeah.
It kind of be like, Hey, because then God can use other people to kind of confirm things
for you.
So did I attract him because I'm not healed in some way?
Not necessarily.
I mean, now are you, is there some things that maybe God is highlighting for you to
heal possibly?
And so we will want to, you might want to go to the Lord with that.
I'm like, okay, Lord, like, where is this?
What's this rooted in?
Where was this uncertainty in me?
Why was I feeling like I was obligated to, if I'm investing time, then it means I have
to feel a certain way about this guy.
Where was that rooted in?
So those are things again, like it's important for you ladies to come here in community because
us coaches actually will be able to help you out to ask the certain questions that can
help uncover some of those heartwork areas about what is this rooted in?
And I know I'm going to, I'm going to probably jump to Stephanie next because Stephanie,
I want us to be able to unpack some of those things.
Cause I do think we have some heart stuff that can, can get enlightened as well.
If you're open for that, I don't want you to not do it if you're not open to it.
Okay.
Cause I know you probably still have, if you're not ready for, okay, you got the thumbs up.
Okay.
So, and then you ladies can kind of see how we can walk through that as well.
Okay.
For anybody that's kind of curious of what that looks like.
Um, he was such a man in ways.
So that was so frustrating.
Exactly.
And that, and that's what I'm saying.
We all have those yellow flags.
I'm a godly woman.
but it doesn't mean that sometimes
I don't operate in my wounds.
I've been married two years,
and I literally have been like,
I show up sometimes in my wounds.
I am married to a man that had some trauma,
and his two older kids had some trauma.
They all operate in their wounds at time.
Doesn't mean that they're not godly,
connected, Holy Spirit-filled people.
It just means that there's just layers
that God is still trying to work through and help, heal.
Yeah, so I was kind of like him and God can take,
I don't need to help him with that
because I don't know him very well, so.
Yeah, you're still just getting to know somebody.
So ladies, you don't have to take on responsibilities, okay?
I mean, this is what discovering dating is about.
You don't have to take on these responsibilities
when you don't really know someone.
This is level one and level two dating.
So once, for those ladies that are brand new,
if you haven't watched the content yet,
that you'll have your love story kickoff,
and then Dating 101 is gonna go through
those levels of relationship.
So make sure you watch those
because that will kind of piece together.
So Mika, is she still on?
Mika's still on, I don't see her.
Yes, I'm on.
Oh, you are, okay.
I didn't see you on camera,
but once I saw that, I saw your picture.
So again, that how long does it take
for someone to go exclusive, that varies.
I personally would say it's smart,
and again, everyone's love story looks different.
You wanna be in that level two for a little while, okay?
You wanna have some, like you actually know this person,
and we want the men to lead that exclusive conversation.
Now, that doesn't mean that we don't have people
on our program that had accelerated love stories, okay?
That has happened.
I don't share this often with people.
My husband and I had accelerated love story, okay?
I don't, like I said, I don't typically let people know that
because then they, some people get in their head
and think, oh, this one's the one,
and then all this happens,
and then it's like a dumpster fire.
Like God was very much in every little piece.
Like I was trying to resist, and God's like,
no, this guy's it, this guy's it, this guy's it,
and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
and he's like, no, this guy's it, this guy's it, okay?
So God was showing up supernaturally
when I was trying to avoid it.
So I say you wanna at least have a handful of dates
under your belt, at least a month to two
to maybe three months before you really,
you know, again, as long as you're coming in community
and you're talking with us,
we can help you distinguish that as well, okay?
Now, I think that's probably my best answer
because there's real, like, again,
we don't give y'all rules, we give you guardrails.
We really do, we just give you guardrails
because everyone's love story is different.
I mean, we have over 1,600 plus love stories
and everyone is different.
There's some similar ones, but everyone's different.
Okay, Alexandra, she's gotta go back to work.
Yeah, did we cover what you needed covered?
Thank you so much, you did.
I appreciate it, yeah.
Absolutely, okay.
Okay, Stephanie, I'm gonna go to you
because I definitely wanna make sure we have time to unpack.
So I'm gonna kind of fill the ladies in
and if I miss anything, just help me out.
So Stephanie had this guy, it was her seventh date,
she kind of got really excited about him
and they had two dates.
Well, they had set up a date for Saturday,
which was the second date, but then impromptu
ended up having a last minute date
before that Saturday date.
And so they had a good time
and then between then and that third date on Saturday,
she started feeling him pull back a little bit.
Now, she did let him kiss her, okay?
And again, no shame in the game, girl, okay?
And then the next day, was it the next day,
he kind of was like,
hey, I don't think I can give you what you want.
Yeah, the next day, he just really was like distant
and very off and I already felt it.
I felt like something was off.
Like you just kind of, like ladies,
us women can have intuitions, believe it or not, okay?
I don't want us to read too much into it again
because we don't wanna always be acting in our counterfeit,
all right, because that can happen.
But when you recognize those things,
definitely be coming to us in community. And we can help you
with a lot of that stuff. Okay, so she kind of felt it. And he's
just like, all right, not feeling it. So my so what I just
shared with her before we got on this call, like 30 minutes
before we got on this call, I'm like, I get it. This, this kind
of stuff doesn't feel good. And I was in this program, single
for several years, handfuls of dates, and would feel this many
times, I'd get excited about something, thinking something
went well. And then all of a sudden, it was like, they just
acted differently and bowed out. And then it's easy to want to
internalize that and think what happened and you want clarity,
you want closure, you want, you want to know the whys. Okay, so
just understand that's normal. Like, I totally get that. And so
we can unpack that here on the call. But what I want to make
sure that we also do is, I want to make sure that we don't stay
stuck there in those emotions and those negative thinking, we
really want to make sure that we're unpacking and doing some
of that hard work and really processing through what we've
experienced, and really leaning into what God is trying to do in
our heart. And that we are focusing on ourselves and not so
much on the guys and how they responded. Does that make sense?
Yeah. So that's what I'm here to help you as Stephanie, we may
never know what's going on with that guy. Personally, I think
this was a him issue. Whatever reason, I don't like again, we
don't know his story. We don't know what's going on in his
head. We don't know what we don't know. We don't know what
he hasn't shared with you. Right? You never know that you
guys have only been on three dates, you still don't know him
well enough to really analyze what happened. And even if you
do go and have a conversation with him, you still don't know
well enough to know that he's even disclosing everything to
you. Right? But what we're here in this community, and coaching
you on is your heart. What emotions, feelings, thoughts,
beliefs are coming up in you? And what does God want you to
know? And what does he want you to heal? So that's my, my focus
is there. As your coach, that's where my focus is going to be.
So what thoughts, emotions, feelings are surfacing in you?
That's making you feel this like heavyweight.
I guess one thing is that on the one hand, I feel like with each
new experience, it's like the Lord is showing me that he's
giving me some discernment and that I can, you know, trust my
gut in terms of like, when I feel like something is off, like
the guy before this, I wasn't, I was pushing myself because I was
trying to be open minded. And I was trying to, but I didn't feel
the attraction, I felt like there was something off there.
And honestly, even with this guy, I was trying, I am getting
overwhelmed by like, is this am I going by the rules? Is this
what I'm supposed to do? Is this right? Is this not? And so
I'm like, in my head a lot about it. And so I was, I was really
challenged this time with this, like letting things flow with
just like letting the good things be good things without
overthinking them to death, without, you know, trying to
pump the brakes too fast. And the thing is that I feel like,
because of that, I, I let myself kind of get emotionally invested
or like excited. So I guess just what I'm feeling is that
I'm afraid to be excited, because I'm afraid to get my my
hopes up. And even though I do feel like there's a sense of
like, I can tell when something's off, and that anxiety
starts, and I really feel that the Lord has been teaching me in
this season, that that he is where peace and calm are, and
where anxiety is, it's not from the Lord. And so I, I have
determined in my heart that my spirit mate is not going to
give me anxiety in that way, right? There might, you know,
maybe a little uncertainty at the beginning, because you don't
know somebody, but it's not going to feel like, like, I was
sick, y'all. I've been sick, like I can't eat, you know.
because it just I have and it's not it's not about the guy I'm not obsessing over him I don't know
him that well it's not about him it's about it's it's the whole experience and the whole process
of like I want to be I want to be vulnerable and I want to be hopeful and I want to be joyful but
I'm also struggling with the fear that when I do that then I have to also like in my head I'm ready
for rationally I'm like okay there's a possibility of disappointment here like and it's gonna be okay
because that guy just wasn't your spirit mate and and you know the lord is fighting for you
and he's just gonna get him out of the way really quickly because he's not the one for you
but then there's also that very
human part of me that's like nah girl that's not gonna feel good like you don't know don't
take that risk that's you're you're gonna have to deal with the disappointment and like
this is not this exact situation but it's happened before where I'm like oh I got excited and then
I take a day or two and the more it happens the more I'm able to recover more quickly
but it's still like dang okay all right I think I think I'm kind of getting some direction here
where we can take this with heartwork okay so you said this has happened before I'm guessing
are you kind of talking about past relationships no just in in in my journey of like being single
and like dating I'm gonna take this we're gonna I have a feeling there's a bigger layer here
this has nothing to do about being single so I want you to spend some time in a minute okay and
so this might take some vulnerability on your part if you know if you want to be open with us
or not totally totally up to you if you need time to process before that's fine too
what is the earliest memory that you have
of feeling like when you were joyful or excited that you were left down and disappointed in your
life like I'm thinking childhood was there a time in your childhood yeah listen my myself with my
parents is not great my I'm rebuilding I'm trying but my relationship with my dad is very fraught
very nuanced there's a lot of trauma there and my parents were teenagers when I was a kid so
I know I know I have I've been working on healing the abandonment stuff and I've been working on
healing the rejection stuff and the forgiveness stuff it's it's an ongoing I know that it comes
from there and then my two significant romantic relationships in my adulthood you know I've also
been you know be with betrayal and and just being abandoned and and you know so it just yes I
recognize that this brings that up because it's almost like it's not so much about him but it's
about like what happened you know like what did I do and I know that's bad okay
just feel it
this is the space
I've been working on coming out of agreement that my extended singleness has been my fault
that there's something that I'm doing I know that there's a cultural belief that you get to be a
certain age and you've never been married and you've never had children and it's like
why isn't somebody choosing you like you have to look at what's wrong with you and I'm taking
accountability for the things that I feel I feel that fear has kept me from you know being
putting myself out there but it's also like there have been times where like in my spirit
God has been like no like I've been saving you for me or like I've been protecting you I've been
keeping you safe and I'm trying to find that sweet spot between both of those things where
I'm taking accountability and where I'm also trusting that it's just God's timing and how he's
working
let me ask you this you're holding on to this unbelief that again you're trying to let go of
this like it's my fault that I'm single but let's go back to the abandonment and the rejection
with your parents that were teens and your father
Did your parents abandon and reject you, and is there some abandonment with your dad, and
did you feel like it was your fault?
Yeah, my dad is not a healthy person, and he was very vocal very much about like, you
know, I just always felt like I know that one of my things that I worked in hard work
is the fact that I felt like I had to earn people's approval.
And you know, it turned into becoming an adult who was a perfectionist and couldn't handle
criticism and was very sensitive about everything because I felt like I was doing everything
that I could to earn people's love.
Yeah.
You don't have to earn love.
I know, like you told me that, like when you told me that in the first, like I didn't have
to earn, like God wasn't going to make me earn my spirit mate, you know, and so that
has helped me in a lot of ways.
And again, I've been trying to do it correctly, and I think, I know there's a part of me that
I know that it wasn't something that I did, but then I wonder if because I was vulnerable
or because I, you know, let him know that I liked him, like maybe I shouldn't have.
Maybe I, I don't know, maybe I encouraged something that I shouldn't have.
And I think it is, again, it's, you're working on the forgiveness stuff, and that's been
hard.
Is the hard forgiveness stuff, like you trying to forgive your, your parents?
I mean, that's an ongoing thing, right, because I think one of the comments that I made once
that I was like, I feel like, why do I have to keep rehashing this?
Like, why do I have to keep coming back to this?
And you challenged me to think of why do you feel like you have to keep bringing it up?
Okay.
What if it's not forgiving your parents?
What if it's having to forgive this idea that it was yourself?
Have you, and I think one of the most challenging things and what I've even had to experience
and sometimes I have to deal with, and I think there's probably a lot of you that are on
this call will probably relate to this as well.
It's one thing to forgive people in our life that have hurt us.
It's, I've almost in my 42 years, I've almost learned that.
And like, it's, it feels a lot easier as we get older to almost at times, forgive people
that have hurt us because we can kind of separate it.
It's a lot harder when we have to forgive ourselves.
Yeah.
And I guess that's why it feels that each time it's like a failure and it's like, but
I think, but I don't want you, but what I want to make sure that I'm sharing with you
and I want you to hear this clearly is it's not that you have to forgive yourself that
you did anything wrong.
It's the fact that you feel like you've done something wrong and you've been punishing
yourself for feeling like you've done something wrong.
You've been putting it out on you.
You've been holding yourself of trying to do this all on your own.
I have to do it correctly, like I'm trying to do it correctly.
I, I, I.
Stephanie, you don't have to do it.
I want you to picture laying at his feet, spend some time journaling all these things
that you've built up in your head, these lies that the enemy has fed you that it was
you, you didn't do this right.
You aren't doing it correctly.
You, you didn't earn the approval.
You didn't do this to get the love.
It's your fault because that those are all from the pit of hell.
If you're operating and trying to do things for you and yourself, that's it.
We can't.
That's where the struggle is.
I just feel like in so many years where I, you know, all I did was work, I didn't make
an effort, I didn't put myself out there, I didn't try.
And then I got to, you know, being almost 40 years old and I feel like I was just waiting
on God.
And I was just letting him figure it out and I didn't do anything about it.
Well, but you were also, but remember you, you had this fear that was holding you back.
Like you told me, you couldn't get excited, you couldn't have joy because fear was robbing
you of that.
And that's not your fault.
That's what trauma does.
That's what it does.
That's what the enemy does.
He uses these traumatic things and he lies to us about that and has us operating in this
fear so that we don't step into our full potential.
He's keeping us from unlocking God's divine purpose in our life.
And now that you're sitting here in this moment, especially in this moment where you're on
the brink and you're on that tipping point of unlocking, he's going to want to come.
But remember that siege is over, Stephanie.
It's over.
He does not have the power.
Don't need to carry that.
You laid that at his feet.
You give that to him.
You can't beat yourself up because you didn't know what you didn't know.
You didn't.
And it's okay to forgive yourself for that.
And God is here to redeem that.
And he even said, as soon as I said that, Kim said, he's a redeemer.
So I know that he is speaking.
Because if I'm saying it and someone was typing at that very moment, he wants you to know
he is going to redeem this story for you.
I fully, fully believe that.
Thank you.
You're 40 years old?
I'm 37.
Okay.
Oh, girl.
Girl, I got married.
I got engaged at 40 years old.
Okay.
So, okay, I was never married until I was 40 years old.
Okay.
And I had a son.
I did.
But I will tell you, that is even been a big struggle.
Okay.
Now God, again, use that hardship in my life.
And that trauma that I experienced that led me there, he blessed me with an amazing son.
But to sit here and tell you that it's been easy, it hasn't.
It's been a road.
And even blending a family with all of those things, it's a road.
But God is good.
And God works everything out for good.
Anything that the enemy means to use against us, God doesn't allow.
He will come and restore it and redeem it and reconcile it all.
And you are operating in this space of fear because trauma happened to you.
You can't beat yourself up for something that you just didn't know that you were just doing what you thought you knew best.
Work, right?
Grind.
Do what you could to make you feel like, okay, I'm going to make something of myself.
This is how I do it.
Right?
Yeah.
I did the same thing.
I'm going to just make up for it.
I'm going to go out and be the best person.
I'm going to do this.
I'm going to do that.
I'm not going to fuss with this because God's just going to bring me a husband.
And then I joined this community.
And Jackie's like, you got to put feet on your prayers.
And I was like, I mean, I can't tell you.
I mean, and I think I shared this a couple weeks ago.
I can't tell you how many times Jackie offended me.
She did, and I love her, and she knows I love her, and you know, we joke about it, but you
didn't know what you didn't know, and it's okay, and God's going to come and restore
that for you, and he's got a beautiful love story written, and your testimony of what
he does in your love story is going to bring hope and encouragement for so many others.
I mean, we can't have a revival of marriages and a tidal wave of marriages if we don't
have people in kingdom getting married and sharing their testimony, and Stephanie, you
will share your testimony of your love story.
Every single one of you on this call and in this community, I want you to take hold of
that.
You are here because your love story matters, and it is a testimony to be shared that is
going to bring the revival and tidal wave of kingdom marriages.
Don't let the enemy lie to you.
The siege is over.
He doesn't get that anymore.
We are going to come out of agreement with that.
There is an anointing on this movement.
We just celebrated five years.
There is favor and grace on this community, and we've got so much more ahead of us, and
we are going to make things move.
Y'all, we just getting started.
We are just getting started.
So all of that discouragement that the enemy has been trying to bring you or hold you in,
he's been surrounding you with, no, we're letting that go.
No more.
All right, Laura was there down in Austin.
It was powerful, y'all, very, very powerful.
God is on this, and he is doing something, okay?
And usually when he's about to do something, it's, you know, the enemy wants to kind of
come in and start, you know, feeding us these lies and getting us, you know, confused and
getting us discouraged and all that kind of stuff.
No, we're not.
We're not doing that.
We're taking our inheritance because he's already promised that, and that's what we're
holding on to.
So Stephanie, he's got a love story for you.
There is reconciliation and redemption in your love story.
It's time to release the forgiveness over yourself because it wasn't your fault.
It wasn't your fault.
Thank you.
Thank you for letting me come on today.
Thank you.
Absolutely.
So ladies, again, this is what dating will do.
It will pull the heart things out, okay?
The heart work will come out.
You ladies will experience the datings, the ups and the downs.
I can't, I mean, I would love to tell you and I would love to sugarcoat it and say,
oh no, the dating is wonderful and, you know, you're going to meet all these wonderful men
and yeah, you will.
You will meet some.
It's not always going to be that way.
I mean, I'm not going to lie to you ladies, like just know I'm your sister.
That's not going to lie to you.
Okay.
I'm going to, I'm going to tell you the real, the raw, the, the, the real, uh, what is it?
The good, the bad, the ugly.
Okay.
I'm going to be your sister.
Like that's going to tell it to you.
Okay.
Cause I went through it.
I did.
I've been, I've been, Stephanie, I've been where you've been.
I have, I've been where y'all have been in those moments.
Okay.
So just know, I relate to you.
I get you.
And there is goodness on the other side.
All right.
But you're going to go through some of this stuff, but it's just to refine you.
And it's just to give you those layers of healing.
And it's going to be part of your love story and it's, it's going to be beautiful.
It really will.
So this is what I mean.
When these dating situations happen, we're just uncovering other layers of heart work
that need to be released.
Okay?
Don't be afraid of it, and I know it can be scary, especially when we're coming here.
We might not know each other very well, but if you come here long enough, we're going
to get really close, okay?
I'll be one of the first ones to tell you, you all get to know me, all right?
I'm not typically one that will hold back, you know?
I'll let you guys get to know who I am in hopes that you all feel comfortable coming
to me, okay?
You can ask me anything, all right, because that's important.
We're a community here, and we got your back, and you all are going to have some amazing
marriages and some amazing testimony, and I mean, the revival of marriages is on us.
I'm just letting you know.
Like get ready.
Like five years ago, I thought things were powerful, like, y'all, like, it's going to
be awesome.
Like I thought it was awesome five years ago, oh, like, it's, the tidal wave hasn't even
come.
It's just been like a little, like, little short coming in.
We just, 1600 is nothing, okay?
We got way more coming, all right, so, all right, I'm going to get off my preaching box
right there.
I'm sorry that we're not getting to everybody, but Lori, I am going to, I want to get your
question because you're brand new, and then Leah, Kim, and Alicia, if you all can go in
the app, can you update us there, especially Leah?
I want to hear about your video call and what's going on with there, and if you've gotten
any live dates with those guys, Kim, I want to hear about your guy.
Give me a thumbs up if things are still going good.
Okay, good, you had me worried for a second, I'm like, oh, my gosh, okay, good, and then
Alicia, I haven't seen you in a while, so I definitely want an update from you as well,
so get in the app, okay?
Laura, welcome to phase two.
I saw you on camera in a moment ago.
It's good to see your face on video.
She disappeared on me.
Where'd you go?
There she is.
So good to see you.
I see, it's so nice that I recognize, like, now I get to recognize ladies that I've met.
So wonderful.
Do you have something short, brief, and powerful?
Yes.
I normally attend Ebony's session, but I will also post in there, because I have something
else going on this evening, but anyhow, yeah, so I had said in our group last week, because
I'm not on apps, and the evening before going to Austin, so, like, that Wednesday evening,
I was, like, texting some friends that we used to go to church with, and I just happened
to think, I'm like, oh, I'm going to ask them if they happen to know of anyone that they
would recommend that I meet, and so, like, the husband, he, like, initially, he said
that he didn't think he did, but then he, like, texted me back, like, shortly after
that, and he's like, oh, yeah, there's a guy named David.
He's also in his 50s.
I turned 57, October 26, and he's never been married, and so I was, like, well, I'm going
to go to their church on Sunday, like, and I told my friend, because he called me, like,
last Wednesday evening or whatever, and he's, like, he wanted to, like, kind of, like, figure
out, like, how it was all going to go, and I'm, like, well, you're not going to introduce
me and say, like, oh, yeah, Laura's dating and all this stuff, and she's interested in
meeting you and blah, blah, blah.
I'm, like, no, we're just going to meet, and it's just going to be super casual and whatever,
and so anyhow, and so I get to church, and my friend wasn't there yet, but he showed
up shortly after I was there, so I did meet this David, and I was actually sitting in
the row, like, right in front of him, and his mom goes to church there, too, and, like,
I don't know.
I started to smell, like, this odor or whatever.
It's just, like, a body odor, like, that he doesn't bathe frequently enough or whatever,
and I was, like, that's, like, a super turn-off, like, well, maybe that's part of the reason
why he's never been married.
I see, Kim.
Hold on.
I mean, I did meet him, and he's a nice man.
He teaches, like, the young kids' classes at their church or whatever, and I'm, like,
but I'm, like, no, and then, so I also saw, like, my friend's daughter, and she's married
and has two kids, and she was, like, I've known her since she was really small, and
now, like, her kids are, like, I don't know, like, toddlers or whatever.
her. And so but she was very sweet. She knew me when I was
married. She knows the ex and whatever. And, and, like, I
hadn't seen her probably like in 20 years. And she's like, Oh,
my gosh, Laura, you look so amazing and whatever. And so
like, I appreciate like, just her, like, building me up or
whatever. And then as I was leaving church, I'm like,
because it takes me like an hour to drive to where this church is.
And so like, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, and I coming out of
the bathroom, and David was like, by the bathroom, was
coming out. And he's like, Oh, it's nice meeting you or
whatever. But then I was like, super confused. Because I'm
like, this dude goes to this church, and he was about ready
to go into the ladies bathroom. Is he just super confused?
Because I like walked by and like,
do you think it was just like, do you think your friend like
told him? And then he was maybe awkward?
No, I don't think so. I think maybe he was just, I don't
know, kind of flustered that I don't like, like came out of
the ladies bathroom. And then he like, I really have no idea.
But it was just super, like, weird. I was like, dude, and I
didn't say anything to him about it, like going to like, or
almost going to ladies bathroom. I'm like, he'll figure it out.
Oh, my word. That's funny.
I was like, um, no, that's obviously not going to be like
something that'll like, become anything for me. I just I just
don't know why I prefer like her like,
and Kim laughed because we had a couple weeks ago. She had a
question of the guy that she's been dating. And she was
nervous that he just he had this smell. And she's like, I don't
know how to address this. But it was just a fluke. It was just a
one off. And he just probably needed extra deodorant that day.
And so but that's what I just thought it reminded me of that
when she said that and she had to she was laughing. So um, but
yeah, like, we don't we don't want Well, yeah, cuz like, I'm
anticipating like them asking me like what I thought about him.
And I might say like, or I might even ask them like if they've
ever noticed that because maybe it was just me. I have no idea
or whatever. But um, I mean, I wasn't sitting even close to
sitting like in the road, like right in front of him. So it
wasn't like we were sitting right next to each other. When I
noticed this odor or whatever.
Talks that day.
I don't know. But yeah, I mean, if it's something that like, is
like an ongoing thing, I was gonna say like, kind of like, to
my friend, the husband, like, maybe you might want to comment
about that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so sometimes, yeah, we do have to
get grace. But hey, I love the fact you know, God is moving.
You're you're getting some introductions there. It's always
good. Like get put it into practice. Start flexing that,
you know, dating muscle. And yeah. Because
Oh, and then Saturday evening, I'm also going to it's like a
lot luck with this, like meetup group that I'm a part of. So
we'll see what happens there.
And ladies, I like that, too. So Laura is not on dating apps
right now. But she is putting herself out there. So I know
some of us don't love the apps. Totally get it. I didn't love
them either. Which if you're if you really are like, okay, no, I
really just am not ready to do the apps. We're not gonna force
you to do them. Okay, now we might push you a little bit to
kind of figure out why you don't want to, and just take
that to the Lord. But if you're not, we're not gonna force you
to do it. But if you're not going to do it, we're also going
to want to know what are you doing to put yourself out there?
Are you doing meetup groups? Are you letting people know? Hey,
set me up? Are you going and having just like conversations
with people at the grocery store? And ladies, you can have
conversations with women, like on walks, have conversations
with them. Make a friend. That woman might have a brother of
our local Chamber of Commerce and part of our local Rotary
club. And and also, so I went to a mixer that was like with like
three other like, Chambers of Commerce on Thursday evening.
And and I ran into this guy that I met a month ago. And when he
first like, approached me on Thursday evening, like I had
like totally forgotten about having this conversation with
him. But um, I mean, he's he's a very attractive man. And I
don't know if he's single or whatever. But we had like an
awesome conversation. And, and then also, there is a single man
in my Rotary club. His name is Wade. And he's very nice. He
always like talks to me. I'm like our secretary. So I like
check people
into our meetings that we have on Mondays.
And yeah, every time he sees me at our meetings.
Get to know him a little better.
Right.
Drop a hanky if you feel like it.
You know, and then if he isn't for you,
you got your sisters here.
I mean, you were there, you heard Jackie.
Community-based matchmaking.
Like, I'm telling you, like, let's get ahold of that one.
Because I totally, like, we all
will be looking out for each other.
All right.
And don't think that I don't got my eyes out
for you ladies, too.
So for any of you who want to come to DFW area.
Hello.
Go put them out.
Yep, Sam, I got you, girl.
And I'm your age.
I got you.
We're the same age, practically.
Yes, so I'm looking out, all right.
And hey, if you want to relocate,
I'll take you around DFW, all right.
I'm still learning the area myself.
We got a lot of great girls here.
Or, you know, maybe I can find a guy in the DFW area
that's open to relocating.
Who knows?
So let's be praying about that as well.
But ladies, thank you for your time today.
I apologize I couldn't get to everybody.
Appreciate your patience.
I really hope you got something today
that Holy Spirit spoke to you.
That, you know, you feel refreshed, rejuvenated,
ready to tackle this dating thing.
And we don't actually, we're not even gonna tackle it.
You don't even have to work at it.
There's no fighting, right?
We're just gonna sit in the inheritance of it, all right.
But I definitely want updates from lots of you.
Okay, Liz, I see your hand.
So I want an update from you as well in the app.
So I've got Leah, Liz, Kim, Alicia.
I got Kim Bailey.
I don't think you were on last week.
So I want an update from you as well.
Nadine, thanks for helping me out with the muting.
I don't know if I've seen anything posted from you.
So if you could come in
and let us know what's going on with you.
Kelly, I haven't heard from you in a while too.
I've seen you the last couple of times.
Would love an update on you.
Ashley, I think I have something sitting in the queue
to check on with you as well.
I believe, I think I saw it earlier today
and I hadn't gotten to it.
And yes, Liz, we are definitely praying.
So definitely put that up.
If you could be more specific of like details, prayers
of what you need, we got you.
We got you covered.
And if you can't give us details, we know God knows.
So we got you.
All right, ladies.
Thank you so much.
I will see you all next week.
If I can jump on tonight's call, I will try.
Cannot make any promises,
but Ebony is definitely gonna be there.
She's a riot y'all that have been able to meet her.
She is the best.
Yes, the age question, throw that up in the app
if I didn't get to it,
or you have the age question I might've answered on here.
Put it in the app so I see it again.
Cool.
Thank you so much, Ashley.
Appreciate you ladies.
Have a great rest of your day.
Thank you, Carla.
Have a great rest of your week, ladies.