I'm going to have to do this on my phone because I can't get logged in by way of my computer
for some reason or another.
I don't know.
So that's what I've been working on.
I'm so sorry.
I'm coming in at the last minute.
Can y'all hear me well?
We can hear you.
Hello.
So, um, y'all probably going to really have to help with the order of hands on tonight
because you know, my little phone don't show, but it's a few people at a time.
So hello, everyone.
It's so good to see y'all tonight.
I've already started recording.
I'm just going to jump right in and pray, Father, that we thank you for this evening.
Not only for this evening, but we thank you for this day that you created with us in mind.
We're so eternally grateful for your goodness and your kindness.
You're so faithful, um, toward us, Father God, and we just say thank you for every one
of us that hadn't had an opportunity to stop and say, Lord, I thank you today.
I thank you for being so good and loving to my family.
I thank you that you're faithful to me in spite of, I thank you that in spite of everything,
your compassions fail not.
Great is your faithfulness toward me.
Father God, we just say thank you.
We love you.
We thank you for wisdom.
We thank you for kingdom solutions.
We thank you that you know the root of every issue, and we thank you that you're going
to reveal that to us on tonight.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Amen.
All right.
I see you, Mika.
She coming in hot.
It's the first time I get to see your face live, and Nadine, it's so good to see you.
Do we have any new ladies tonight, Gail?
Is this your first time?
Yeah.
Well, so good to have you.
Have you been to any coaching sessions, or is this your first one?
Come out of mute.
I just spent, like, I don't know, maybe two and a half months in heart work before Jackie
and, yeah, Bethany kicked me out.
They said, we don't want to see you back here.
Move on.
Go.
We don't need you.
They said, go on.
Keep moving.
Well, good.
Good.
I was, like, hesitant on moving forward and dating, but I had went through heart work
twice, actually, in that time, so it was like, move on.
You're ready to move on.
Yeah.
Well, Gail, we're so happy to have you on this part of the journey.
I am telling you, it's going to be a blast.
It's going to make you think, do I need more heart work?
And the answer is yes.
It is time for you to practice the heart work that you've received, and it is, you know,
it is challenging, but good.
So we're happy to do this part of the journey with you.
All right.
Let's go for it.
I don't know if it was Dee or Mika first, when I came up, both of y'all hands was up.
So go for it, Dee.
If Mika was first, my apologies.
Thanks, Mika.
It was me.
But hello.
Hello.
And thank you.
Hello.
I'm loving the animal print.
Loving it.
Thank you.
Okay.
So a couple of questions, really, or just a couple of updates.
So there was somebody that you responded to me about, the yoga person, yoga man, Mr. Flexible.
He had sent me his number, like, I'd responded back, like, how's your day going?
Appreciate your message, that kind of thing.
And he responded, thank you for recognizing blah, blah, blah, I'll give you my cell number,
and he left it.
And then anyway, so I asked the question back, and then he sent another one back, a response
back.
But one of the responses was, yes, I'm single.
My ex and I split six and a half years ago, and I didn't ask that question.
Like it was separate.
I'm just thinking maybe he was meant to send it to someone else.
I don't know.
But he sent that on Friday.
I responded on Sunday.
How was the blah, blah, blah?
You were doing?
And I have had no response since.
And so my question is, I mean, I didn't, I will admit, obviously, I don't want to interact
with him, just because the whole yoga thing, but um, you know, I don't want to just be
like blah.
And so do you think, I do have a Google number.
So would you, I'm thinking, I don't know, at this point, he hasn't really responded
anyway.
But at the time when I responded back, I was thought, let me just send him one more message
in the app.
And then when he responds back, and then we'll see what that, how that goes, and I'll send
him the Google number.
I haven't had a response since.
So I'm kind of thinking bin it.
That's, that's one thing.
So I'm excited.
And then there's been a man, man, man, we had a conversation on a phone conversation.
he had texted me and I didn't see it, usually I don't see these things, but I responded
a couple of days ago or the next day, whatever. And then he started his text relay conversation
and I was like, I'd be happy to jump on a call and, you know, kind of thing. So he laughed
at it, you know, iPhone laughed, kind of thing. And then we had a conversation. So I'm just
giving an update on that. And then he said at the end of it, I kept it brief, about 20
minutes. And then he said at the end of that, I would love to talk again. How about Wednesday?
And I'm like, that's interesting, you know, and I was like, yeah, sure. You know, what
time? And he's like, I'm not sure because of work. But just giving you that update,
I wanted to kind of just let it out because I haven't expressed it anywhere yet. I'm kind
of not sure how I feel about him. It might just be because I haven't seen him. I would
States now. So we have that conversation about what's actually going on. That's my thoughts.
And then other than that, I've got a work when I wanted to share, but I don't want to
just jump in. I'd like to share it or should you share what? Wait a minute. I've got a
work when let me ask your first two questions. Do you want to update? Did you want feedback?
This was an update and feedback. So it's letting you know what's happening and then
feedback would be awesome.
Oh, what the other? I think it is a good move to when you do this last guy you were talking
about. The first guy seems a little sketchy to me. But the last guy, the last one you're
talking about, I think that probably man, man. Yeah, just jump on the video call. Sounds
like. Yeah, because we haven't seen each other. You know, we had those dates in person
and he moved state. And it's been, you know, he's getting back to things. I'm moving in
my house. It's just been off and I've been not with it. So yeah, I'm just curious to
see how I feel, you know, anyway. Yeah. Oh, thank you, Ashley. Appreciate it. I think
you should do that if you're going to stay connected to him. You guys need more. You
for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. Thank you. You're welcome. That's pretty much it. That's
pretty much it. Yeah. Okay. Thanks for the update. Thank you. You're welcome. Mika.
Hello. I love my earrings and the leopard print combo.
Thank you.
Yes. My question is, so I am I'm excited because I have a date scheduled for next Friday,
ladies. I'm so excited because to be honest, I dropped the hanky and the guy at my church
didn't pick it up. And it was like a blow. It made me feel rejected. And he still spoke to
me Sunday. But I think in a way it was like worse because it was like he didn't acknowledge
that I, you know, called I was, you know, called or just nothing. There's a long gap of time. But
I just was like, you know what, my the person that God has for me will, it's not gonna be that
complicated. I don't have to like figure it out or mystery, the guy that God has for me will
pursue me and I will feel cherished and valued. I'm God's princess. And anything else that
me feel less than is that's not for me. Maybe that's for somebody else. Right? So yeah, so
whoohoo. So I'm victorious about that. So this is a little different. It's through like a matching
service. So I haven't actually seen him before. And they have like this rule where you can only
talk to them for like five minutes on the phone. The lady that called and she she said he's
Christian. I'm like, you sure he's Christian because we tried this too. But I'm excited about
doing it after love heart work. Because I think I was I was vomiting everything on the guys
before like throwing the Bible at them. So I may have like, maybe there was potential back there.
And I've sabotaged everything. And so so now I'm coming from a place where I'm a lot more healed.
And I I'm excited about it. But my question is, I want to be mindful of time is that she said
there was some kind of issue with his foot that and he had a some type of car accident where he's
retired. But he's he's financially secure enough where he can do that. Same age range. Never
married, no kids. He's only 30 minutes away from me. But she said that she wanted he wanted me he
wanted her to tell me to see make sure that was okay with the foot. And I'm like, well, is he
chair bound? Is it butches? And she was like, No, he just has to wear a boot like a brace on his
foot at times. So I guess my question is, we had a really good conversation.
And I really like that he sounds so excited to take me out.
I just really haven't experienced that in a long time.
And I feel like I started feeling like I was chasing
the security police guy.
And I'm like, come on, aren't you supposed to protect me?
This is like role reverse.
I feel like you're feminine.
What's going on?
But he was really excited.
And I was like, I want you to take the lead.
But I do, I might, so that's one question.
The one question is, should I bring up the,
I guess I should probably not bring up the foot thing
if he doesn't bring it up.
And then my other question is, how do you feel about like
books that have date ideas,
like for the next date after the first date?
Yeah.
So I think it's totally fine for you to bring up
the foot thing, say, hey, so what's up with your foot?
They told me this was something you was concerned about.
Tell me more about it.
So a lot of times we try to act like something
is not there.
But when we ask people things about themselves,
it lets them know that we have a caring and concerning part.
Okay.
Right, and so you may say,
if you want to ignore he got a foot issue,
hey, let's go walking in the park.
Right, he's not gonna be alone,
he may not be walking in the park.
It's good to recognize that and don't act like
you don't know that it's there.
So what's up with your foot?
What happened?
Tell me your story.
Yeah, okay.
Those are things that people be like,
oh, I would like to share that with you.
For one, it helps them stop being nervous or self-conscious
about what's happening with them,
especially when it's an injury like that, right?
It's not like somebody overweight.
So tell me how you get fat.
That's totally different.
I mean, if I had to be like,
but we're talking about an injury
of somebody's wheelchair bound,
who gonna act like the wheelchair is not there?
Right.
Oh man, what's your story?
I love how courageous you are.
Tell me your story.
Tell me more about, it just shows a genuine interest.
And Ebony, the only reason why I was saying that
is because I know a lot of times people's stories
or something that is vulnerable like that
could possibly be attached to a deeper level
of emotional attachment and intimacy.
And so I guess my question would be like me to go,
but you're saying it's okay to go there
because it could possibly impact
like what we do for like dates and stuff like that.
Like even if it starts like sharing
and becoming like teary or something like that,
or very, you see what I'm saying?
Well, the reason why I gave you the answer
is because he specifically told them to ask you
if his foot was okay.
Right, right.
Okay, yeah.
Okay, this is already a topic of conversation,
but you don't have to, I just want you to know,
you don't have to act like something's not there.
Got it.
Like if something came up, you would be embarrassing him,
you're not embarrassing him, you're acknowledging like,
oh, okay, this is the foot thing you were talking about.
You know, he already feels a bit self-conscious about it.
Maybe another person did not like you
when he showed up their way.
I don't know what experience he's had,
but he front loaded that experience
so you can know what you were getting.
That's the reason for that.
Okay, thank you, that helps.
You know, I like to video call people first
so I can know what I'm getting
and they can know what they're getting
because I'm going to look like my picture.
I'm being a person, but we're going to get this straight
because we're not going to show up with surprises, right?
And so, you don't have to though.
I don't want you to feel like I'm telling you
you have to do that.
I'm just telling you that you don't have to dance around it
like it's taboo.
You don't have to say that.
Or you can just say, you know,
if you wanted to say something,
I would say something that shows a more of an interest
than a disdain or around your foot, you know,
kind of be if you wanted to say something.
That's all I'm saying.
You don't have to say nothing.
Right, no, that's a good suggestion.
Thank you.
Right, and then the other thing you said about,
you can get a book with dating ideas in it,
but you also can Google.
They will give you hundreds of them.
That's what I told you on the thing.
Dating-
I haven't had a chance to read yet.
I didn't get it back to it yet.
Oh yeah, dating prompts,
like things that you can talk about
that keep you on a surface level
when you meet with somebody, icebreakers,
and you could put them in your phone
and you could tell them,
y'all sit down, it's like, okay, I came prepared.
I have some prompts for icebreaking questions
that can help guide us in conversation.
And some of them are really fun.
Let me share with you the first one I picked out.
Because you picked it out,
that shows him more about your personality.
So if you could have any superpower,
which one would it be and why?
Oh, I like that.
You know what I'm saying?
So why-
know, it just kind of digs, it helps you see a person a little bit more without
asking you to me, um, questions.
Yeah, that's super helpful because I think, yeah, I just wanted to make sure
that made sense to do that because I think I definitely need help doing that.
Cause I think I go either too deep or not deep enough.
Um, yeah, it's like, yeah, I'll sneak out there.
Yeah.
If you go too deep, I want you to bear this one principle in mind.
And I've said this and I don't know if you heard it before, but it's one
that really guards my, my mouth.
And it is that we don't spill our pearl before swine, meaning you don't give
wisdom to someone you don't know.
You don't know their ability to steward it.
They don't value you.
They don't honor you because they simply don't know you.
So save your wisdom, all of your pearls, pearls for a community who values you,
who honors you and wants to hear you.
You don't just spill those things out and give them away to
anyone because it's valuable.
And so when we believe that, Oh, I just, that's just me.
I go deep.
No, no, that's just not wisdom.
That's good.
You don't, you don't give away things of such value.
And so you take your time and you get to know a person and you learn if
they can either treasure a home or even value the concepts or the principles
that you carry and that you guard things about, or even your history and the
things that you've gone through in life.
So it's completely unnecessary.
That's good.
Thank you, Ebony.
Very helpful.
You're welcome.
We're excited for you.
Let us know how it goes and post your outfit.
Oh yes, I will.
Hey Nikki.
Hi.
Um, I can't believe this, but it's the first time I'm going to share.
And my voice is struggling.
I got sick over the weekend and, um, with all the coughing, I'm coughing
tonight, so I'm sorry about the interruption and I have a little bit of
a stuffy nose still, but, um, I was like, no, I really want to share,
um, the timing of everything.
It's really important that I share.
And, um, I, I do have the weeks laid out, um, because unfortunately I never shared
about this when it started because I didn't think it was important or
significant, honestly, and it, it still feels like it really isn't significant,
but I know internally, like with the heart work and stuff, it is, but, um,
so, um, first I, uh, I'm a licensed counselor and I work for a hospital
health system in Florida and they have contract with the school board in the
county where I live to provide counseling in the schools.
Um, and they've had this contract for like over a decade.
Um, but they renew it.
Like it's, um, it used to be every three years.
Now it's every year.
Um, I'm going to get back to the contract cause that's part
of the story a little bit.
Well, a lot.
And anyways, um, so I go into the schools and, um, one of my schools is a
charter school and, um, I really liked this school.
It's wonderful.
Um, and there is a deputy there, a school resource officer.
Um, and when I first met him, I probably met him the first day it was there.
It was like the beginning of August.
I thought, oh, he's, he's really handsome.
But then I quickly learned that he was 25 and I'm 37.
So I was like, oh, okay.
Forget that.
Like he's handsome, but that's not somebody I'm going to entertain.
Um, so anyways, but I, as the weeks, okay.
So backing up for a second, because I go into the schools, I
don't go to that school every day.
I have five schools and I go to that school every Wednesday.
Um, and then now I go also Monday mornings cause I got, I have a lot of school.
I need to see I've been getting referrals.
And, um, so I go Monday mornings or Monday afternoons.
I split the day with another school so I could see all those students.
Um, so, but I, I, I usually only see him Wednesdays because, um, I'm there all day.
So anyways, as the weeks have progressed, like since August, I could feel, um, as
attraction towards me.
Um, it was subtle, but, and, and I usually don't assume that, but I knew like every
time I walked in the room, he would notice me to make eye contact.
He would tease me.
He had like a, an.
ongoing tease about how he doesn't believe in counseling and he would be like smiling
when he said it and it was just like obvious but I'd be like I'm not entertaining this
I'm not I would be a little playful back but just because you know I want to be feminine
or whatever it wasn't flirtatious but just you know playful.
Um and so anyways on the so I have week I have the weeks numbered week one was September
24 so okay I'm so I'm giving a lot of detail but I'm trying to like set up the context
this school has two campuses it has an elementary it's k-12 so as an elementary campus and
then it has a secondary campus middle and high school every Wednesday I'm at the element
I'm on the elementary side until lunch and then I go to the secondary campus in the afternoon
when I go to this second okay when I'm in the elementary side I normally see him at
some point during the day like he'll be in the front office like chatting he is very
personable and he's got a good sense of humor they really respect him at the school he gets
along really great with the with the kids um but he'll be in the front office and like
I'll see him there and he'll he'll immediately give me attention or I'll see him on the walkways
like passing by or whatever but when I go to the secondary campus there's a classroom
in the very it's built building one they have building one and then building five and it's
in building five in the very back they have a classroom that they have given me to see
students and I would usually meet with the students in there until like after four or
I I wouldn't meet with them till after four but I would be in that classroom till after
four and that's when most of the staff would be leaving so I'd leave a little after four
and I wouldn't see him at that point but on September 24 they were using that classroom
for ISS our in-school suspension and so they were like okay just sit here in the back office
which is in building one and there's a little conference room there's a door to the back
office and then the back office secretary is Stephanie she's there and then there's
assistant principal office and the middle school counselor's office and then the conference
room and so I I would meet with I met with the kids in there that day well he came into
the back office on that day around like in the middle afternoon and I overheard him talking
to Stephanie the secretary and he was like telling her about a devotional that he was
reading in the Bible app and I couldn't I wasn't trying to overhear but I just could
I mean he was talking loud enough and I thought oh that's interesting but once again I'm like
not thinking about like that that would mean anything to me and like he he's Puerto Rican
and he was like talking about how he made this like meal and that like his mom or his
then he'll know that when he gets married it's for love and not for like the what like his wife
to cook for him anyways I overheard those things I was like that's interesting like he's got more
depth than I was like thinking because I was just like oh he's like a 25 year old not like I was
looking down on him but just just you know he's not he's you know like at that stage of life like
I don't know I just wasn't thinking too much about it but anyway so he'd walk by the door
and then eventually like a few minutes later he came into the back office where I was sitting
and he started a conversation with me and like was joking with me and it it turned into like
like um it was only like 15 minutes or so but it was like a really like easy effortless
conversation he was like wanting to see like the stuff that I had for counseling like like
icebreaker stuff I have like Django blocks with questions on them that I when I first meet with a
student I will ask kind of like what's your what would be your superpower that those kind of
and like anyways we were like talking to each other about some of these questions and he was
like answering them and he wanted to know my answer and stuff and and so I was just like oh
that's you know really neat how like effortless that conversation was and
And then I basically was like, I kind of wrapped it up because I needed to call a student.
And then at the end of the day, he came back to the conference room and yeah, to the back
office, the conference room.
And he was like talking to the assistant principal and like teased about how he doesn't believe
in counseling.
And he was like looking at me to see if I would like join in the conversation.
And she came over and said, and his name's Alejandro.
She said, Alejandro is going to make a great husband to someone one day when he's ready,
but he might not be ready yet or something like that.
And so he looked at me and he's like, yeah, she thinks 25 is young, which I already knew
he was 25.
And the reason I knew is because actually the first day that I was there and I met him,
we were sitting with the school counselor and she was talking about how she's dating
a guy a lot younger than her and she's like 50, I think.
And so I said, I don't know if you know the formula of like half your age plus seven.
And I was like, just kind of joking, like maybe he's within that formula.
And so that's when Alejandro was like, oh, what's 25?
So I was like, oh, okay, that's how I found out.
So anyways, fast forward to September 24, week one of this saga.
He looked at me and he's like, she thinks 25 is young.
And I said, 25 is young.
And then I said, you're also Gen Z.
And I can't remember exactly what I said after that, something like, and that makes it worse,
but I was like playing around.
And the reason I said that was because I just knew like he thinks I'm his age or around
his age.
And I knew that telling him that would like prompt him in some way to consider that I'm
not his age.
Because then he looked at me like questioning a little bit.
Well, then a couple minutes later, he said, if I'm Gen Z, what does that make you, a baby
boomer?
And I was like, no, that makes, or I said, no, I was like, joke, like he was joking,
obviously.
And I was like, no, I'm a millennial.
And I was saying like, that's the best generation or whatever.
And I got in.
Anyways, we started talking about other things like him growing up in Puerto Rico a little
bit.
He talked about that.
And we talked about geography and history a little bit.
We talked for like, I don't know, like 20 or 25 minutes that day.
Well, then week two, October 1st, he came to the back office at the end of the day.
And within a couple minutes, just came straight to the conference room.
And because that's where I was sitting again, because I think they were actually doing,
I think they were having in school suspension again in that classroom that I normally use.
And he just started talking to me again.
And we ended up talking for an hour.
And people like, like most of the staff was gone.
We left after five.
And like, the assistant principal and the school counselor saw us talking in the conference
room and they were like, hey, guys, we're gonna lock up.
You know, like the just the door will be locked, like when you leave or whatever.
And we, I was actually, even though I thought the whole time I'm thinking, I don't know
what I'm doing really talking to him this long.
Because once again, I'm like, he doesn't know that I'm 12 years older than him.
And so I was like, but at the same time, I was really enjoying the conversation.
And I was keeping in mind the stuff you have shared, Ebony, about not, you know, like what
you just said, actually not throwing your pearls, you know, prematurely.
So even though it was like a very meaningful conversation, like we didn't talk about past
dating relationships or anything like that.
But I found out like that he is, as far as I know, like based on what he was sharing,
he's a solid Christian and like he really knows elements of scripture.
And we realized we were politically aligned.
And yeah, you're almost 10 minutes in, I'm gonna need you to speak.
I'm so sorry.
Sorry, just just kind of go a little bit faster for me.
Okay.
Um, so anyways, at the towards the end of this conversation, um, he, um, I shared that
I worked at a drug rehab for 10 years.
And then he said, How old were you when you started working there?
And so I knew what his question, what he was really asking.
And so I said, um,
I'm I didn't answer it right away. I just said I'm a lot older than you and I said, I'm 37
I'm actually almost 38 in December and
he said you don't look your age and
I just said I I know I don't and then he was like he made a joke like that heat that I'm oh
I'm so humble. He's like, oh, you're so humble humble or something. And then he like made a couple he
We ended up talking about something else serious after that, but he did make a couple jokes like oh should I call you ma'am?
now and
things like that and he commented at one point after that like that he had an old soul and
Didn't like to to go clubbing like when his friend with his friends because they like doing those types of things
he so anyways, um, I was like, okay, I felt really vulnerable because I felt like
Throughout this whole conversation
He thought I was closer to his age and
now it's like no, I'm actually a lot older just felt really weird, but I was like
I
Don't know. I just felt really vulnerable. So
That week I was thinking
I basically I I feel like I made the mistake of thinking that
That this would be a practical
Like relationship to explore
Because I was surprised like we talked about so much in an hour. It was crazy and
With his faith and
It just there was some there was so much that felt like if it was if I was his age
We would be compatible and so I thought I don't know like maybe I shouldn't
Write him off like maybe like this is possible. So, um
But I I felt like, you know, that's probably asking a lot from a 25 year old
Anyways, so I was thinking he probably wouldn't now that he knows how old I am. He probably won't go for it
So but I was basically like I'm not gonna initiate anything
I'm just gonna see what he does like there's no initiation on initiating on my part. So week three was
October 8 and
He avoided me the whole day and
Like I know I could read into things but it was really noticeable
Like
He was like barely on the elementary side. That's normally when we'd walk or run into each other
He was barely over there. Like we never ran into each other. I saw him briefly at one point
Like anyways, it was just so noticeable to me. And then at the end of the day, I was sitting in the back office and
And
Where I was sitting I could see him walking
I'm sorry
So this how we're gonna do so we about 15 minutes in you
The question and then fill me in with the information I need if I don't answer it appropriately
Okay me and then let me let me lead you to the information. I mean, okay
So what's the question?
Um
Look to be honest, I I
Really I
Think that I'm just
Not understanding what God is trying to teach me from this because
Every week it's been something different. Yeah, I
Don't know. I just feel like I got swept up in a fantasy probably
so, um, I just feel
Kind of foolish
and
Maybe I just misread
What I thought God was doing
Every week was something new and different and it I just feel like it's been a rollercoaster
And I didn't ask for this like I was purposely not going on the dating apps
I was I just feel like I was I didn't feel like I was ready and I feel like this is confirmation that I'm not
Because I got swept away in a fantasy and I don't really have a question. I guess I just
Yeah, so are you saying like let me just feel this act not hear your heart though
Are you saying that after that day that he avoided you did he continue to avoid you?
No, he avoided me that day and the end today. He would talk to you again. Yeah, and then
Yeah, yeah, but I've never went out on a date. You never did anything
And so you feel foolish because you feel like you put yourself out there. You were vulnerable you push past
Your age and you kind of indulged in it and now to come find out nothing is actually coming of it is it
It's the gist of what happened.
Yeah, yeah.
Like I didn't, I haven't done anything externally
that I would be embarrassed about.
I have not initiated anything
or shared my feelings or anything like that.
It's just internally, I feel vulnerable.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, and so one thing I wanna come in on is
let's not assign what happened to you to God.
This assigning that God made this happen,
what is God trying to teach me?
It's a wrong assignment because it caused you to be
kind of heartbroken on two levels
because you're not hearing God
and that makes you feel lonely.
And then you're made this situation at work
and so now when you see him, that happened.
Whether you stop talking to him or not
or whether it moves forward or not, it happened, right?
And so now you have that awkwardness
that could possibly be there.
So if I assign it to God,
then I am forced to believe that it's something there
that I need to keep digging to pull out.
When if I assign it to an experience
that I met this young man in my job
and he was younger than me and he actually liked me,
we started talking but nothing came of it,
that's just what it is.
Do you see how no embarrassment has to be attached
that you can look at him every day and talk and laugh?
Yes.
Right?
But when you start assigning something
deeper than what it is,
he did not, even if he rejected you,
you're not rejected Nikki.
Or even if nothing comes of it,
it doesn't make you look stupid,
he tried to talk to you,
that's what you found him interesting.
You found out that he did have a relationship with God
so you said, let me test the waters,
let me see what this would be like.
It's called experience.
And so if I wanted to say anything about God
in this situation, maybe let's see how,
let's see if you're being measured
by how well you handle experiences.
Maybe the Lord is helping you to be stretched
in actually having an experience
because if you don't step out on experiences
and opportunities when your spirit mate comes,
you ain't gonna step out on that either.
You're gonna be waiting on some thunder
to come from heaven to tell you that somebody,
somebody, as you say, from God,
you know what I'm saying?
And so we have to be willing to get to know people,
have to be willing to step out
and we have to be able to enter into something
and get our heart broken and learn how to deal
with what seems like rejection.
And I think that in this process,
we all go through the test of rejection
and see if we let that tell us who we are
or if we go back and was like, man, that's thing.
You gotta be willing to take what comes with this process
as a tool to shaping you and sharpening you.
And so I just want you to know
that I think you did a really good job.
I think it was a lot of fun.
I think that you can make a decision
like if he's being hot or cold,
I don't know if that's what you're saying.
I don't know if you're saying you're really confused
about do you move forward or not?
But if you wanna know if you move forward
with somebody or not,
but at some point he should ask you out for coffee
or you need to say, hey, do you wanna get coffee
and get to know each other a little bit better
or you need to just chill and be like,
you know, it's really fun getting to know you
but we're not gonna go any further than this
but I like getting to know you, right?
As a friend at work.
If you're not gonna move forward,
you can cut out this fantasy land that you're living in
because then at some point you just keep living
in something that's not true.
I'm not saying you do that or you don't do that
but we're about 20 minutes in
so I can't really like decipher the two
but I'm just giving you advice in general overall.
So if you wanna know if it's gonna be something
and he hadn't asked you for a cup of coffee,
you can ask him what his intentions are.
So you can say to him, Nikola, has he asked you out yet?
No, and I'm actually leaving the schools
which that makes it, it's not really complicated.
It makes it feel insignificant even more
because basically the contract is different this year
and it's caused us to find other positions
so it's kinda getting dissolved basically because of that
and there was a position that came open
with the same company that I work for that I took
and he knows that I'm leaving.
Okay.
My last day there is tomorrow actually
and I plan to just have like a really short goodbye,
nothing big.
So does he have your number?
No.
But we'll see tomorrow if he asks for your number, right?
I don't think he will.
Well, regardless, we'll see.
I don't know why you think he won't.
I don't know why he could or could not.
But if he doesn't, then that's the end of it.
But I do think that you could measure,
if you wanted to measure something,
I would measure how you handled yourself,
how you didn't compromise, how you paced yourself,
how you got to know him organically,
how much you enjoyed the conversation,
how you talked to somebody, and it felt so good,
and it was just the ease.
All of these are wins.
But when we start saying, God,
what are you trying to teach?
That gets really tricky.
Why did you bring this into my life?
Well, you met somebody who thought you were beautiful,
and they wanted to talk to you.
Does that make sense?
It does, it does.
I don't know why I wanna see a reason behind everything.
If it doesn't work out, I wanna know,
well, then what was the reason?
It feels like it's a waste of time
if there's no reason behind it.
And I know that I can get swept up,
which is one of the reasons I try not to date
a whole lot, actually, because I already know
I have an anxious attachment style and all that.
So, Nikki, this is the thing.
That anxious attachment style is gonna have to be
sharpened out of you.
This ideal or concept that you're gonna go sit in a corner
and then God's just gonna bring you something
and you don't deal with the way you connect
and you want heaven's best is not reality
for how God does things.
God comes to make us whole overall.
And I really wanna empower you with that information
because the Lord is not looking to keep you safe
where you don't grow.
He's looking to expand you so that you can come
into the fullness of what he has designed for you.
And any woman who has an anxious attachment style
that she does not deal with and harness
and sharpens herself, sets herself up to be love-bombed
and to be made a full love and to be left crumbling,
sitting in the corner.
And God doesn't want that for you.
He wants you to be encouraged and to be strengthened
and to be able to handle whatever comes your way.
So you say, like, I don't do this because of this.
And God's like, let's get your feet wet.
So he used something that was where you couldn't avoid it,
if we wanna talk about him working something,
to get you, and this was a really safe experiment,
actually, it was a safe investment.
If you are growing, then you're not losing.
But when you're sitting and you're not growing,
then you're not growing.
And we serve a God of growth, not a God of stagnation.
So there's no sitting still with him.
Are you gonna partner with him?
If you're gonna put his name on something,
if you're gonna say that he did it,
it's gonna be because he grew you
and you're gonna have something to give somebody else.
You're gonna have something to pour into somebody else.
And you can't pour something from a cup that's empty.
And I hope that's encouraging for you, Nikki,
because the Lord wants you, you can make good decisions.
The problem is you don't believe you could do it.
You don't trust yourself, but it's not true, Nikki.
You have not been in this program for nothing.
And that's for everybody.
That's why I'm spending a little time responding to this.
We don't trust ourselves.
We think we're gonna make a bad,
think we're just gonna fall head over heels
and nothing's gonna stop us.
Nothing's gonna stop you
if you don't submit yourself to boundaries.
If you don't submit yourself to boundaries,
then yeah, you're gonna do the same thing over again.
But if you don't do physical, if you don't do emotional,
and if you don't do spiritual like you're not supposed to do
even when it feels so good and it feels so magical,
and I ain't never connected with nobody like this before,
even though you ain't been connected,
but one day and a half,
if you would deal with that fantasy
that lives in us as women, this fantasy,
and submit your fantasy to the boundaries,
then you will find that you'll be guarding your heart
with all diligence and you will come
to a better outcome at the end.
You don't trust yourself
because of what you experienced in the past
and how to the end that you went to,
but you're the new improved Nikki.
And the only way to know that to be true
is to actually test it out.
Thank you.
Okay.
Is that okay?
Yes, yes.
I told God that I wanted to hear
whatever you had to tell me.
So I take all that you're sharing, I take it to heart.
I'm going to meditate on it.
Yeah, and you're so gentle.
I'm just trying to be so strategic with my words.
So I don't want to like, you're so, so gentle.
I don't like, don't crush it with your words.
No, you're not doing that at all.
I'm-
I need to hear the harsh truth. Anyways, I, I feel bad that I didn't open up about this roller coaster to begin with. And instead I'm like vomiting for like 20 minutes.
It's okay. Thank this for y'all. Thank you so much for sharing. If y'all don't know, this is Nikki out of I don't know how many months she been in face. She has never. Will you hear me say never. She has never shared she been six months. She's never open
Like April or May that I started
Yeah, so we did take a lot of time and I'm not going over 815 tonight. And so it was is because Nikki has never talked before. And so I really need to hear her heart because she wants to share Nick last week to go ahead for Kim. Kim, where are we
First of all, I'm watching my granddaughter. So she keeps barking and I keep trying to be quiet. But so she might bark. But anyway, oh man, things have progressed here. And okay, so last week. I mean, things are great. But last week, he said the I love you word.
And I wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready for it. So I couldn't say it back. It was very, I mean, I just said, Oh, his name is Marv, by the way. So I call it Marvy Marv. But anyway, so I was just so taken aback. And I said, Oh, Marv. I go, What? What? And he goes, Well, I do. And I go, Oh, Marv.
I mean, okay, first of all, I mean, I don't know. It's only been two months. I
I don't know.
450 dates.
What? Yeah, I'm going on a lot. I agree. I agree. And I probably shouldn't even still be in this this phase, but I just don't want to leave you. Just don't want to leave because I get I get so much out of this all these all of you ladies are so fantastic. And I keep hearing about phase three and I don't think you get to talk as much. So anyway, back to it.
I couldn't say it back. And I just said, Marv, you have to understand we come from two very different heart places.
He's only been in love one time with his wife of 57 years.
He's like a 19 year old boy. He, he's so innocent. And he just said, I, it's just how I feel. He's very authentic with where he is and what's going on. I lost you Ebony, I don't know where you are.
Oh, there you are. But anyway, and I said, you have to understand my heart's kind of been through it. It's I've, I've done some work.
And I've done a lot of healing, but I'm not there yet. Like I really like you.
I am enjoying getting to know you more, but I know it's accelerated for him because of his age. See, this is where the age difference is having an issue.
He's very accelerated. He's ready to travel. He's ready to go somewhere. He's ready to, to, to do it. Like all of it. Like, and that's the other thing. So, okay. So that's that.
And I'm not ready yet. And I told him.
But then he's also, he also has asked me, cause he did ask me, he, he asked permission to kiss me the first time. And I said, no, if you remember that and we waited, I, we finally kissed.
Well, the kissing has been a little on the intimate side and I'm just like, I understand why you're not supposed to do that. I get it, but it's very sweet. It's very sweet. It's not anything like, you know, I don't know, no, no, no tonsil hockey, anything like that.
But anyway, it's just, it's just sweet. It's very sweet, but it's very, it is very intimate. It is very intimate. Kissing to me is one of the most intimate things you can do.
But I think he's asking me now. So like, I'm really, he told me one time he was happy with the progression.
He's like, kind of, and he's thinking back of what it's like in high school. So like, he's thinking, when do we get to progress to the next space? Like, cause he's a, he's a man, like bottom line, ladies, I don't care how old they get. They're a man.
They still think physically, like they're very physical in their expression of things. And women are more about the emotional connection. Not that all guys are that way, but I just feel like a lot of men are. And at least that's been my experience. And I'm like, what are we talking about here? What are we talking about?
Like, I mean, I think he's thinking back in terms of the basis. I think he's, I don't know. I feel like, is he asking me for like second base? Like, what is he asking? Like, I don't even know what he's asking me. And it's just, I don't know. So I'm, that's where I am. I, he's, so that's,
They said, I don't know. So, and I know he's not love bombing me because I've been loved by before and I'm pretty much understand it. He's just
He's okay guys he's 83 and he's ready to get on with it because he's, you know, I don't know how much time he's got left. Right. So I don't know.
So Kim.
What do I do, I just don't know what to do.
How old are you again.
I'm 70
You're saying he's 83
Yes.
Okay, so listen, this is 13 years, but let me
You won't even have to move on some business. Tell this man what your hesitations are your hesitation is that he's older than you and you scared he might die next year. Right.
Well, he's very healthy and I know that he's healthier than a lot of them in my age. We went on a hike Sunday we hike 10 miles and went straight up. He had. He was great.
Okay, what's the problem.
It's too soon for me. I, it's too soon for me. I don't have. I don't, I can't say I love you. Yeah, I that I'm worried. I'm worried about feeling it.
Now I know what we're talking about. We're not talking about love. You don't have to tell him you love him. He could perfectly express to you that he loves you without you having to say it back.
Right.
I think that that is endearing and beautiful.
So there's no. That's a beautiful thing for you to receive that you met a man who adores you and he said to you. I love you.
You met a man who's not pressuring you for six. It's been two months. He spends his money. He spends his time he gives up his heart to you.
You met a man who was married for 57 years. He has learned how to treat a woman. Well, he has come to Kim, the one who has not been treated well.
In a given the opportunity to he can heal so many places in you that has not been treated well because we are broken in community. We are healed in community.
So this was in front of you. So I want you to speak from your heart. This is not a threat to you. He is not a pressure. The only reason why you feel pressure because it's something you're not expressing
Even pressure.
I do feel pressure. I do.
He's pressuring you because I'm too much in in like six weeks down like he didn't come through the gate saying all these things.
You're right.
What I know this screen jump so much. Where did you go, Kim.
I'm right here.
I can you there. So let's, let's get to the bottom. Just tell me what what what's your fear is me. What's your issue. So you can tell him the issue.
I know I'm trying to figure it out.
Um,
You wish.
Well, I guess I and this is probably a chance to heal a little bit more do a little bit more hard healing. I, I think inside. I'm, it's like, here I am.
I don't, I don't know how to say it. I don't, I don't want to
I've made a lot of mistakes in my past.
And I know this is really different. And I just, that's why I'm in this program. That's why I did this program. Everything's different this time around.
But I guess, you know, the memories from the past. I feel like he's so pure and I feel like I'm the one that's tainted. Although I know that's not true. I know God loves me and I know he forgives me and he's and we've hit. We've done a lot of healing and he
He, you know, I don't have to believe that lie, but I guess deep down, I guess it's sometimes still there. I mean, I guess it's still hard for us sometimes to get there completely. I mean, I
I know, you know, I think, I mean, I know that I'm a good person. I know that he has found somebody that I mean, I know I would be good with him. I know that I would be. And I think he's showing me that he's really good to like he's
He's so morally. So he's all the things but but again, you know, and now he does. He wants to go to church. He wants to go to my church. He listened to a song of the day. He goes, I think this might be what's because he's Catholic ladies. For those of you don't know.
And he doesn't get a lot out of church. He's expressed an interest. I haven't invited him yet, mainly because that's another intimacy that I I'm like, is it time yet. Do I need to, you know, do I need to bring him to my church.
Um, but he listened to the song. He says, I think this might be what you what your church experiences like and it was really, he goes, I really, you know, he enjoyed the song.
Because of the music and stuff like that. And he goes, this must be what similar your church kind of like praise and worship. And I said, yeah, it is similar to that. And he, I think he was indicating that he might like to go to church, but I didn't ask him Sunday to go with me.
So let's, let's do this. Um, I'm gonna take one minute and I'm going to say this to you. Okay. When I was in there.
There's the recent marriage minded relationship.
I got so frustrated one day and I just said,
why is he so kind to me?
I don't deserve this level of kindness.
And there was an issue in my heart
that I did not feel worthy.
He wouldn't stop being kind to me.
And so I would just do things to push back, like stop, stop.
No matter what I did wrong, he was just still loving me
and kind to me.
And I was talking to my friend, I said,
what the heck is wrong with him?
It was because he was pouring out kindness on me
and I didn't believe I deserve it.
And Kim, you're not alone.
If you don't believe you deserve kindness,
you just don't believe you deserve kindness.
If you don't believe that you're worthy
of that level of kindness, you don't have to tell me.
I know, I know, I know.
No, your heart doesn't know it.
And that's why this man has come to give it to you,
because you do deserve it, because you have an experience.
And when you haven't experienced something enough,
you are not convinced that you're worthy of it,
because nobody gave it to you.
And even if they did try to give it to you,
you didn't know how to receive it like you're doing now.
But this time is different.
So don't boost your head up and say, but I know, I know,
I know, no, you don't.
Just say, I don't.
I don't know why you like me so much.
I don't know why you being so good to me.
I don't know why, but I am willing to receive it.
That's your starting place.
A lot of times we hide behind, well, I know God this,
and I know God that, no, you don't.
If we could be honest and vulnerable enough to say,
no, we don't, we can actually receive.
But as long as we keep up this facade in all our scriptures,
it blocks us from receiving what heaven
is trying to pour out.
So the part, so I want you to do that.
I want you to say, I don't believe that I receive this,
but I am willing to try it.
Now, y'all are two months in,
it is time to bring him around community.
It is time to bring him around other people
so that they can, so that you can see what they think.
It'd be good if you had some people
that y'all could go out on a date with.
Part of this equation is just you and him all the time.
You need to be around other people, other relationships,
go out with some married people
so you can look at what you have and say,
oh, could this be that?
You don't have to be afraid that if I don't choose him,
then it's gonna look like I had another failed relationship.
That's not what it's gonna look like.
You're dating somebody
and then you're gonna bring him into your community.
And yes, he's gonna come to church with you
because y'all are almost three months in.
And at some point, you're gonna have to go exclusive.
You're not gonna be able to keep this up.
You're gonna have to go exclusive
or you're gonna have to part ways.
Well, he already kind of said that.
Like he's not, he said kind of something along that lines.
Him and he got off Facebook immediately, the dating,
and he's not dating anyone.
And I said, well, and we talked about it.
I said, I'm not dating anyone right now
and I'm not really looking.
And I think he thinks we are exclusive,
but it didn't come out that way.
Like, I think he's just like, well.
Well, yeah.
And you're looking at the time difference
in men from his, in your age,
like y'all don't just date, date, date.
This is this new age thing.
You date three, four people at a time.
That's not how people do that.
They find somebody they like
and then men, they invest in it, invest in it.
And so if your problem is receiving his kindness,
let's do that first thing.
Let's get community.
Start doing lots of things in community
so you can see how you all interact with people
so people can see into your world and say to you,
Kim, I think y'all look good together.
Kim, I think he's a great one for you.
You need to hear that.
I'm telling you.
Another confirmation.
Yeah, it'll help your perspective about what you have.
And you'll stop looking at it.
I don't know if age is a big deal for you,
but Kim, you could die in three years.
This is the truth.
I don't want you to, but you don't know your time.
And so I just, I want you to let your guards down.
It's not gonna cost you anything.
He's our enough stop to let you know he's good people.
You let him know you have sex when you're married.
That's just how it works.
And that's the end of that conversation.
And bring in community.
Y'all go to church and do what you love.
You love church.
You let him know this is part of my world.
And if I'm gonna be with someone,
this is what I want them to also be a part of.
So it's time for you to start going to church with me
so you can see this is something
that you can realistically live out.
Okay.
Sounds good.
Okay.
I just needed to hear that.
I needed to hear it from you.
Kim, I like this.
Thank you.
It is.
Thanks, Ebony.
Okay.
Oh, Kim.
Ashley.
Okay.
I know.
Let me scroll back up.
I know.
I don't want y'all to feel cheated.
But it's 8 o'clock now, 815 post wrap up.
We're moving to 820,
but we're going to keep our word tonight, okay?
Because I want you all to know that I honor your time,
and there are people that are getting on and I got to honor time.
So anyone stop talking, go Ashley.
We're going to split it between 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 women.
All right, got it. That's five minutes each,
and give me like a minute of your five.
I mean four, three. Go Ashley.
I think I mostly just had an update.
So I messaged earlier today on the post,
you texted back right away.
I was like, oh my gosh.
So for those who didn't see my post,
I went ahead and got on a dating app,
which I don't know,
people kept talking to me about it,
and I was telling my people like,
hey, hook me up, and nobody has.
I was like, okay, well, maybe I do want,
I don't know, so I did it.
I finally finished my profile on Sunday and had two matches today.
I hopped on at lunch and wound up getting matched with two people,
and they both messaged me back already before I left work.
So then I had time where I messaged them real
quick since I've been home tonight,
and one of them already messaged me back again now,
and I'm like, oh my goodness.
So I don't know.
So there's that.
I haven't, I've texted with Mr. Swing Dancer once in the last week.
He got upset at me, which is fine.
We're, swing dancing is not this Friday,
so I won't see him again until next Friday.
So, but I'm not, I'm fine.
We'll just see how dancing goes next Friday,
if he dances or not.
Whatever, either way is fine.
And I feel like there was one more thing that I was going to update.
Oh, I did finally text my sister,
and she just texted back and said something about,
like, thank you for the thoughtful response.
So, yeah.
And then I feel like I've had a couple other wins where I just,
like, have responded to her.
My mom has been, has been good.
And then I've had also at the same time, way on the other end,
I've been, like, really high this week and then really,
like, crashed, like, snapping at my kids.
Or, you know, yesterday was real hard at work.
It was not a good day at work yesterday.
I was feeling very offended by my boss,
like, the head boss lady.
I don't know.
It's not a very straight hierarchy like it was in the military.
So, it's weird.
And then fun stuff, not fun, going on with my ex and parenting coordinator
and just, like, threatening, like, oh, I'm going to make this recommendation.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm like, you don't get to tell me what to do.
Like, I don't, it just makes me mad.
And so, I was offended.
So, God woke me up at, like, 2.30 this morning to knock that one out
and responded, which was good today.
So, just more noticing offenses coming up yesterday was a big thing.
And so, yeah, those are all the things.
A real quick little blurb there.
Actually, I'm excited for you.
I wish you can see the way you changed from my first time.
Like, you're just so open and so lively.
I'm excited.
I'm so glad you talked.
Your sister responded, you responded to your sister, your sister responded back.
And that you're dating some other guys.
I can see life coming in you.
It seemed like you feel safe with yourself.
Yeah, I think hearing you mention the autonomy, that was really big.
And I don't know what it, I don't know if I did anything specifically
or if it was just that, just recognizing that.
But I feel like that, it just, like, helped break a dam.
Like, it just broke things down.
And I also had a sozo on Saturday.
So, there was, I saw walls coming down as well on Saturday, so.
And I've been praying.
So, prayer changed it, really.
Yes, prayers are always helpful.
Yes.
Yay.
Good for you.
Keep us updated on the conversations.
Yeah.
And then I did ask a question earlier in the group.
Carla didn't make it to it, which is so interesting that it came
up tonight with the age difference.
Because on the, oh, the app is Arc.
It's through, we can actually get it to it through our resource page.
But they automatically did 10 years younger and 10 years older.
And I'm like, I just, I was like, 10.
years younger I know Nikki and Kim that's both different you know more than that but I'm like I
just age difference like I everybody just figures out their own where they're comfortable I would
assume yeah what's whatever you're comfortable with it just 10 just seems like a lot to me
younger than me and more than 10 I'm only 19 young let's don't do not seeing young maybe
maybe you may want to do five or seven five or four young it's up to you you can do that I can't
make that decision for you I can only tell you my preference yeah you know so yeah that's what
Jackie says look at the season that you're in thank you so much Kim that's what you okay
Jackson says look it is based on okay that's good that's good I like that I like that that's that's
helpful super helpful and I'm not doing more than eight years older than me because then they're
kind of closer to my mom's age and that's just weird okay yeah no I totally understand
okay okay all right so that's all the things thanks you're welcome go for it Jeannie
hello it's been a while since I've been on yeah so um I was talking to somebody on the phone for
about six weeks and then met up a couple of times but definitely the love bomber definitely vetted
him out for a while like you had said um he wasn't actively going to church and then he was trying to
go to church thereafter but I just feel like he was just trying to adorn me with gifts and
and his character just seemed pressure he's pressuring me a lot so I ended that I ended
up starting the ARC dating app per the resources I haven't really had a lot of success um I live
in the state of Michigan maybe it's not popular um and the limitations are 220 miles 34 to 48 and
so um went on this the speed dating on Sunday again there wasn't anybody in my area so
um just kind of need help navigating is there's a different app I just need to be patient what
are your thoughts I think I would definitely try a different app ARC new and I've been on there
before I didn't go on there for me I went on there when it first came out with our partnership to see
what it was like so I could help navigate it but um it wasn't okay it was sucky to me okay yeah it
was sucky it was not good at all okay and so I would try another one I've always had really good
success and so many people but it may not be the case for you if you don't have a Facebook page
but Facebook is very I like Facebook dating and it's free okay do you have a Facebook account
I do I just I'm really busy I don't do a lot of Facebook at all if anything just messenger
and I guess the side note is being a medical provider I feel like I don't want my personal
stuff on blast because I see a lot of patients and I can go to the grocery store and run into
them so why wouldn't I run into them in a dating so if there's more of a I guess
less trafficked dating site that has quality I'd be more apt to that than just like a Facebook
uh dating yeah well ladies if you put in the comments what dating apps you've had
this with um yeah it doesn't connect to your profile but I guess you were just saying um
they're posting some things uh okay and it doesn't connect to your
profile okay so I could just okay well I'm just curious when you set it up and you go in the app
it's going to be a little hard at the bottom okay you click on that heart to go to Facebook dating
okay but it will show the guy or you will see for the person if they're friends with somebody that
you know now what I do with you if they friend with somebody that I know till I find them and
then they page okay because I'm like oh they know somebody I know it makes me feel safe because
it's like oh I know somebody who knows right okay yeah but they they're loading it down to you to do
yeah I totally do that okay yeah great thank you that's all I had you're welcome okay um
I told Sarah to raise her hand um Sarah did you get my um post my response back to you
yes thank you I saw it and today was just it's been a crazy day but um I just haven't
had a chance to think through and respond yet but I really do appreciate your
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you definitely don't have to respond, I just want to make sure
you see it.
I'm going to say this, Sarah had an instance, and you can check it out.
I want all you ladies, if you get a chance to go check out her post, and the reason why
I want you to, because this is a very common thing that can happen, especially within your
church community, or when you start sharing things, and somebody was just making comments
about her not being married yet, or you know, about, you know, somebody posted the exact
same thing you did from their church.
I saw that.
A bad Sunday, I guess.
I want you guys to be mindful of who you allow to speak with authority in your life, and
let them have something to back up what they're sharing with you.
Like how many kingdom marriages have they put together?
How many dates did they go on before they got married?
What did they do in their dating process?
How healthy was it?
What did it look like when they, and how time conscious were their marriage?
How healthy were they?
Do they communicate well?
What do they have to show you to prove to you that their system of like, at home and
waiting on an Amazon package to come to their door for a husband?
They laying down beside a man every night.
Like, so like, what program have they put together?
What have they seen?
You have to bear these things in mind when you expect everybody to understand, because
everybody's not going to understand, and you're not looking for them to understand.
And then you have to know when they start talking, just how to put those things in perspective.
And so I want you to check out what I share with her, because you have to have a perspective,
and you don't have to prove yourself to people, but having a perspective will serve you best.
And it's going to help guard your heart, because if you don't have perspective, and you've
given them a seat of authority, they're going to harm your heart.
You're going to become offended, which absolutely does some harm to your own heart when you
harbor offense, because offense leads to bitterness.
But then you sit in your doubt, because you're already on the fence about if God is going
to do it or not.
And then when you hear what they got to say, and you've given them authority, you said
they know more than you know, or more than the program that you're in, or you fight to
try to get them to understand something they're not going to understand, because they've never
believed God this way for a spouse.
They never walked this journey before.
And so that's the conundrum that you have.
And so then you just have to know how to navigate that, because it's going to come up again,
because it's just a part of the process.
And what it does, it helps to make us resilient, and become more grounded in what we are believing
the Lord for, why we believe Him for, why have we chosen to partner with Him, and what
do we really believe?
Yes.
Yeah.
You are right.
And I don't want to, at some point, I want to talk to you about how, not to, it doesn't
have to be tonight, I know we're low on time, but it made me realize, and you saying that
just now too, how often I think everybody else knows better than me.
And so I do let anybody speak into my life, and it's somebody who, you know, I've already
had problems with this person in the past, but I still in my mind think they know better
than me.
And, but when I really stop and think about it, it kind of makes me sad that her thinking
is so small, sad for her.
But, so, but it is hard to come out of agreement with it when it's something deep down, I kind
of already believe.
Mm-hmm.
That's why it struck such a chord.
And I think you said it in your comment, ruffled my feathers, and it did, I had my hackles
up and was like, what?
So it was hard.
It was hard and it was frustrating.
But if anything, I think it shows me how much help my church needs in the area of singles
and ministering to singles.
And it's something I want to help do at some point.
And God has been putting, helping me see, and I've had new friendships at this church
of singles who are my age.
And so like, I feel like he's doing a work, but I'm getting, there's still a lot to work
out in me and I'm getting hurt and poked during the process, but.
Yeah.
It'll be all right.
Yeah.
You will, ruffing, ruff when your feathers are ruffled, it sends the clue, it sends the
signal to you that you're growing.
God comes to shake stuff out of us so that all the drawers could come up to the top and
what is there is the refinement.
It's the goal that's left there.
He has to get all of that unbelief and doubt out of you so that you can get to the promised
land.
This stuff has to come out.
You can't rest until the doubt and unbelief is out.
The Bible says that a double minded man is unstable in all of his ways.
And so God comes to ruffle us.
So will you, uh, what are we going to pray for you about?
I'll just talk to ruff, post in the comments what you want me to pray about, like to shake
all this doubt and unbelief so we can make, so we can make it there.
He knows it is there.
It's not upset with you that is there, but he comes to ruffle stuff up, let stuff happen.
to see what's there and be like okay oh i see i see what she did me okay okay yeah yeah so take
it in stride it's for you thank you you're welcome thank you kathleen it's so good to see you girl i
thought you was in phase three uh i i think i am but i i i didn't know how like i don't know the
qualifications or the classification so i didn't want to if you could clarify that but yes i am
off that i'm off the dating apps and i've been seeing this man for it's been four weeks now
let me get a heart let me get a heart let me get a heart
really no when i said phase three i was saying i thought you transitioned to last year's single
i didn't know you were still in um this phase of the program that's what i mean i didn't know that
i was supposed to move i don't know what i don't know what it means to move or like i i didn't get
the i didn't get the memo like oh we're when you're in a committed relationship move no no no
that's not what i'm saying you're so are you no no no no i thought you had already sent an email
and asked admin to move you over because i haven't seen you in so long no i've just been busy i i
i probably i probably not made maybe from your perspective not a wise choice but i needed to do
it for me i um traveled cross-country with him last week um because i i needed to know all the
a bad a bad abuse right and so being in a non-curated hard situation um like in a moving
truck for 10 hours a day like you you have you you're sequestered you have to talk and you have
to you know and i noticed okay for myself i'm like and yes i had a separate sleeping arrangements and
i had a separate bed and i had a separate shower and all of it it's all good but i i okay is there
an airport in oklahoma city okay then the next day okay is there an airport in you know flagstaff
or wherever we were like every day i was like okay i got it i got it i got it i got to run i got to
run i got to run and then noticing okay no it's not about how he's treating me it's not about it's
me not receiving so i learned it was so enlightening about me yeah but he was wonderful
he at every step of the way he made sure i was comfortable and felt safe and we had amazing
conversations and i got to see i got to see the good bad and the ugly and i'm not and i still like
him well good good well i'm glad you met somebody that you like you like him up to get in the truck
and go across the world with him that's i would have never expected that me neither but i i sat
with it with the lord and i the lord i just felt like the lord said if you want to do it do it
yeah well you did it and you're back safe and you learned a lot and i'm glad you enjoyed them
and so well good so have y'all are y'all looking at where y'all y'all tell me more about maria
is he marriage minded is he yeah he would he he's already talked he he talks about our future
like the weather okay um he's very uh empathic intuitive it it's it's like we're connected
like our spirits know each other um that's the only way i can describe it
um super easy to be with just there's an understanding between us
um we've had some disagreements but he's a really great communicator and very reasonable um
i feel safe with him i think that's the biggest
the biggest thing he's used the the words like kim had talked about he's said the words
and i'm just not there yet i and i'm i'm figuring i have to figure out what do i need because he he
checks all my boxes he does he checks all my boxes what i have to figure out am i okay with
leaving my singleness if a man just
like loves like loves and adores me because that's what i feel like i feel like
Like, he just loves and adores me.
Yeah.
So y'all are four weeks in?
I say that's too soon for him to know if he loves me.
Well, it's not about if it's too soon for him to know or not,
because people base love on different things, right?
So somebody could say they love you if, so it's not about that.
It doesn't matter about if it's too soon for him or not.
He's responsible for his own emotional health.
You're responsible for yours.
So the reason why it's good that you don't feel that way
because you don't know him.
You're 30 days in.
So that means the fact that you say,
well, I don't really quite feel that way yet, that is healthy.
You can feel something, but it doesn't necessarily
have to be love.
Because the truth is, some of these things
are built over time.
So he feels something.
He identified that something he feels is love.
You feel something you haven't identified as love,
but you do like him a lot.
And you do feel safe with him.
And you do have all these wonderful things
that you feel about him.
And it's OK that you're not there yet
and you shouldn't be there yet.
And it's OK if he wants to be there,
because you don't have to evaluate what he feels
and why he feels it.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, perfect.
Yeah, so just keep and just tell him, thank you.
I'm not there yet.
And you don't have to be concerned with saying
that you're not there yet.
But thanks for letting me know that's how you feel.
I can tell you that when I'm with you, I feel safe.
I can tell you that you're funny.
I can tell you that I'm enjoying this experience with you.
Like you can say that.
But I say give him more time.
Pace yourself.
What you feel today, you may not feel on month three.
I know it may be hard to believe,
but you get to know a person better.
You get to evaluate them more.
You get to appreciate them more.
You get to swap things around, put different feelings
in different places.
Doesn't mean anything is going to disappear.
It doesn't mean that anything is going to hang.
But it could mean you come up a greater value,
that you value them more.
It could be that, right?
And so it's just the dynamics of time.
And so I think that's exciting if you
let time help guide the ship.
Because unless you're going to get married tomorrow,
then you should take time.
And if you, and yeah.
And so yeah, you should give it some time.
Let's see what it looks like.
Have y'all gone exclusive yet?
I don't know if I asked you that.
Yeah, like, yeah.
When did y'all go exclusive?
Like, day three.
Why?
Because, because.
You could just say what it is.
Like, because what?
Because I felt it in my, I felt it.
You felt it in your spirit?
I did.
And what did that feel like?
Like a settledness, a groundedness, a, a.
Yeah?
You feel like, did you have feelings of like,
I think he's the one?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Or did you have feelings like, OK, he wants to do this.
I know.
I want to invest and see where it goes.
It wasn't about what he wanted to do.
It was about what I was, he, he, he said, I'm done looking.
I'm, I'm done looking.
I, I'm done looking.
And then the more I slept on it, I thought about,
I'm like, there's no reason for me
to be entertaining anybody else if this is potentially
something real.
So I don't, I think it was, I think
it's worth investing in the one person.
Right.
So it was the, so it was what I just said.
You felt that this was worth the investment.
Yes.
Right.
So, OK.
And I'm not typically, I know this,
I know this is, this sounds really strange,
but I don't get, I'm not typically
attracted to your typical man.
That you have to have like.
Like, if you are more intelligent than me,
that is like super attractive to me.
And I need that because I'm more intelligent than the average.
And so I need the intellectual stimulation.
And he was that.
And I was like, wow.
I was attracted to that.
And I thought he was hot, which is so not,
that is not who I am because I'm very in my head.
I'm very logical.
And but for me to be thinking that, I'm like, whoa.
What is that?
So I'm like, OK, let's see about it.
Yeah.
OK.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Well, I'll tell you what.
I'm excited to see where this is going to go now.
Of course, you know, I wouldn't encourage anyone
to go exclusive at three days.
I believe that everything is worth counting up the cost.
I don't even believe that there is, not necessarily.
I believe that there's a, if I had to be with scripture
and say what God was leading me, he
said even before you accept Christ,
you should count up the cost.
And so I believe that in everything that we invest in,
there's a counting of cost.
And I believe that if we arrive at a place too soon,
it's because the components that we were putting in
sped things up.
And so it takes something to get that level of momentum.
And so that means I had to talk a lot more.
I had to spend more time.
You don't gather momentum like that
without investing in something, just
like you don't gather a pacing without a level of investment.
So it's what we put in that produces something within us.
And dating feels so good.
And it feels so right.
And there are a lot of feels in it.
And they can be assigned to a lot of things.
I always, always, always err on the side of pacing.
And so I'm excited for your journey.
That's not going to change it.
I believe all things need to be paced.
And so we'll see what it looks like.
I'm just, I think it's cute for you.
I'm excited.
You think I'm crazy?
I said that's cute for you.
I know, but do you think I'm crazy?
No, I do not think that you're crazy.
I think that you should pace.
And I think that in due time, in a season,
everything that you believe about him
is either going to blossom and become beautiful,
or you're going to have to make some more decisions.
That's just how it works in dating.
You know, I've been in, you know,
you can be in a very marriage-minded relationship.
But as you grow, it's just, when relationships start out,
it's exciting.
It's exhilarating.
There are things that are happening.
Everything feels so real.
It's just the way it goes, Kathleen.
But I don't think that you're crazy.
I think that you're a woman.
I'm not sure I'm excited,
and I'm not sure I'm excited,
and whatever the other word you use.
I want to run every day.
I want to run.
Well, I think that...
Not because of something he did or anything like that.
It's my, so that's why I'm staying in it.
It's your instinct to run because it's so real.
Like all these things happen at one time.
That's the thing about this journey.
But if you pace, everything else slows itself down.
It takes care of everything.
I've been in fast marathons,
and I've seen my share of them,
and I've been in paced relationships,
and boy, they were worth their weight in gold.
Not because it fell apart.
It's just because you get to see things more clearly.
I've walked away from good for great,
and I've walked away from great because I grew some more,
and I was like, uh, not quite.
Had nothing to do with anything,
and I've been where I want to run because it seems so real.
So I get all aspects of it.
And I think that if you pace, you just pace.
I think pacing is good.
Okay.
You're not going to want to run always.
You, you know, duh, I think just pace.
Because you like him.
He's attractive.
He sparks the intelligence that you enjoy.
And so he checks all of the boxes that you have.
So my encouragement is to pace.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay.
Maria.
Hi, thank you.
Can I answer you in 30 seconds?
Oh, my.
I can wait then for next week.
It's OK.
OK.
Thank you so much.
Did you just put your hand up?
I didn't see it at first.
Yeah, I just put it up.
I mean, I've been.
Post it on the wall for me.
OK.
All right, ladies.
I thank you for tonight.
We're getting closer.
It's 830.
So anything I didn't cover, post it for me.
I would love to answer your questions.
And if there's anybody in the Austin area, post on the wall
and say I'm in Austin.
It's a young lady that was at the anniversary.
She's here in Austin.
And she wants to get together on Sunday for coffee
and hanging out with the ladies in the areas of Austin,
Georgetown, Round Rock, Pflugerville, in the area.
The community wall.
On the, oh, I look like somebody old looking up like that.
On the community wall, my goodness,
I look like my stepmama or something.
On the community wall.
Hello, my goodness.
My Lord, let me do this.
All right.
Ladies, have a good night.
We'll talk to you soon.
Bye.