WEBVTT

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I'm going to have to do this on my phone because I can't get logged in by way of my computer

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for some reason or another.

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I don't know.

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So that's what I've been working on.

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I'm so sorry.

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I'm coming in at the last minute.

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Can y'all hear me well?

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We can hear you.

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We can hear you.

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Hello.

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Hello.

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So, um, y'all probably going to really have to help with the order of hands on tonight

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because you know, my little phone don't show, but it's a few people at a time.

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So hello, everyone.

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It's so good to see y'all tonight.

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I've already started recording.

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I'm just going to jump right in and pray, Father, that we thank you for this evening.

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Not only for this evening, but we thank you for this day that you created with us in mind.

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We're so eternally grateful for your goodness and your kindness.

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You're so faithful, um, toward us, Father God, and we just say thank you for every one

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of us that hadn't had an opportunity to stop and say, Lord, I thank you today.

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I thank you for being so good and loving to my family.

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I thank you that you're faithful to me in spite of, I thank you that in spite of everything,

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your compassions fail not.

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Great is your faithfulness toward me.

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Father God, we just say thank you.

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We love you.

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We thank you for wisdom.

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We thank you for kingdom solutions.

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We thank you that you know the root of every issue, and we thank you that you're going

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to reveal that to us on tonight.

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In Jesus' name, amen.

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Amen.

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All right.

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I see you, Mika.

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She coming in hot.

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It's the first time I get to see your face live, and Nadine, it's so good to see you.

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Do we have any new ladies tonight, Gail?

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Is this your first time?

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Yeah.

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Well, so good to have you.

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Have you been to any coaching sessions, or is this your first one?

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Come out of mute.

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I just spent, like, I don't know, maybe two and a half months in heart work before Jackie

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and, yeah, Bethany kicked me out.

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They said, we don't want to see you back here.

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Move on.

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Go.

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We don't need you.

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They said, go on.

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Keep moving.

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Well, good.

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Good.

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I was, like, hesitant on moving forward and dating, but I had went through heart work

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twice, actually, in that time, so it was like, move on.

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You're ready to move on.

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Yeah.

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Well, Gail, we're so happy to have you on this part of the journey.

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I am telling you, it's going to be a blast.

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It's going to make you think, do I need more heart work?

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And the answer is yes.

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It is time for you to practice the heart work that you've received, and it is, you know,

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it is challenging, but good.

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So we're happy to do this part of the journey with you.

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All right.

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Let's go for it.

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I don't know if it was Dee or Mika first, when I came up, both of y'all hands was up.

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So go for it, Dee.

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If Mika was first, my apologies.

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Thanks, Mika.

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It was me.

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But hello.

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Hello.

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And thank you.

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Hello.

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I'm loving the animal print.

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Loving it.

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Thank you.

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Okay.

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So a couple of questions, really, or just a couple of updates.

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So there was somebody that you responded to me about, the yoga person, yoga man, Mr. Flexible.

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He had sent me his number, like, I'd responded back, like, how's your day going?

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Appreciate your message, that kind of thing.

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And he responded, thank you for recognizing blah, blah, blah, I'll give you my cell number,

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and he left it.

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And then anyway, so I asked the question back, and then he sent another one back, a response

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back.

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But one of the responses was, yes, I'm single.

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My ex and I split six and a half years ago, and I didn't ask that question.

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Like it was separate.

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I'm just thinking maybe he was meant to send it to someone else.

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I don't know.

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But he sent that on Friday.

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I responded on Sunday.

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How was the blah, blah, blah?

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You were doing?

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And I have had no response since.

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And so my question is, I mean, I didn't, I will admit, obviously, I don't want to interact

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with him, just because the whole yoga thing, but um, you know, I don't want to just be

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like blah.

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And so do you think, I do have a Google number.

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So would you, I'm thinking, I don't know, at this point, he hasn't really responded

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anyway.

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But at the time when I responded back, I was thought, let me just send him one more message

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in the app.

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And then when he responds back, and then we'll see what that, how that goes, and I'll send

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him the Google number.

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I haven't had a response since.

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So I'm kind of thinking bin it.

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That's, that's one thing.

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So I'm excited.

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And then there's been a man, man, man, we had a conversation on a phone conversation.

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he had texted me and I didn't see it, usually I don't see these things, but I responded

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a couple of days ago or the next day, whatever. And then he started his text relay conversation

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and I was like, I'd be happy to jump on a call and, you know, kind of thing. So he laughed

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at it, you know, iPhone laughed, kind of thing. And then we had a conversation. So I'm just

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giving an update on that. And then he said at the end of it, I kept it brief, about 20

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minutes. And then he said at the end of that, I would love to talk again. How about Wednesday?

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And I'm like, that's interesting, you know, and I was like, yeah, sure. You know, what

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time? And he's like, I'm not sure because of work. But just giving you that update,

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I wanted to kind of just let it out because I haven't expressed it anywhere yet. I'm kind

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of not sure how I feel about him. It might just be because I haven't seen him. I would

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States now. So we have that conversation about what's actually going on. That's my thoughts.

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And then other than that, I've got a work when I wanted to share, but I don't want to

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just jump in. I'd like to share it or should you share what? Wait a minute. I've got a

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work when let me ask your first two questions. Do you want to update? Did you want feedback?

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This was an update and feedback. So it's letting you know what's happening and then

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feedback would be awesome.

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Oh, what the other? I think it is a good move to when you do this last guy you were talking

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about. The first guy seems a little sketchy to me. But the last guy, the last one you're

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talking about, I think that probably man, man. Yeah, just jump on the video call. Sounds

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like. Yeah, because we haven't seen each other. You know, we had those dates in person

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and he moved state. And it's been, you know, he's getting back to things. I'm moving in

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my house. It's just been off and I've been not with it. So yeah, I'm just curious to

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see how I feel, you know, anyway. Yeah. Oh, thank you, Ashley. Appreciate it. I think

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you should do that if you're going to stay connected to him. You guys need more. You

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for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. Thank you. You're welcome. That's pretty much it. That's

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pretty much it. Yeah. Okay. Thanks for the update. Thank you. You're welcome. Mika.

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Hello. I love my earrings and the leopard print combo.

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Thank you.

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Yes. My question is, so I am I'm excited because I have a date scheduled for next Friday,

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ladies. I'm so excited because to be honest, I dropped the hanky and the guy at my church

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didn't pick it up. And it was like a blow. It made me feel rejected. And he still spoke to

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me Sunday. But I think in a way it was like worse because it was like he didn't acknowledge

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that I, you know, called I was, you know, called or just nothing. There's a long gap of time. But

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I just was like, you know what, my the person that God has for me will, it's not gonna be that

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complicated. I don't have to like figure it out or mystery, the guy that God has for me will

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pursue me and I will feel cherished and valued. I'm God's princess. And anything else that

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me feel less than is that's not for me. Maybe that's for somebody else. Right? So yeah, so

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whoohoo. So I'm victorious about that. So this is a little different. It's through like a matching

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service. So I haven't actually seen him before. And they have like this rule where you can only

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talk to them for like five minutes on the phone. The lady that called and she she said he's

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Christian. I'm like, you sure he's Christian because we tried this too. But I'm excited about

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doing it after love heart work. Because I think I was I was vomiting everything on the guys

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before like throwing the Bible at them. So I may have like, maybe there was potential back there.

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And I've sabotaged everything. And so so now I'm coming from a place where I'm a lot more healed.

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And I I'm excited about it. But my question is, I want to be mindful of time is that she said

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there was some kind of issue with his foot that and he had a some type of car accident where he's

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retired. But he's he's financially secure enough where he can do that. Same age range. Never

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married, no kids. He's only 30 minutes away from me. But she said that she wanted he wanted me he

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wanted her to tell me to see make sure that was okay with the foot. And I'm like, well, is he

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chair bound? Is it butches? And she was like, No, he just has to wear a boot like a brace on his

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foot at times. So I guess my question is, we had a really good conversation.

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And I really like that he sounds so excited to take me out.

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I just really haven't experienced that in a long time.

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And I feel like I started feeling like I was chasing

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the security police guy.

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And I'm like, come on, aren't you supposed to protect me?

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This is like role reverse.

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I feel like you're feminine.

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What's going on?

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But he was really excited.

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And I was like, I want you to take the lead.

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But I do, I might, so that's one question.

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The one question is, should I bring up the,

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I guess I should probably not bring up the foot thing

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if he doesn't bring it up.

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And then my other question is, how do you feel about like

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books that have date ideas,

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like for the next date after the first date?

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Yeah.

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So I think it's totally fine for you to bring up

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the foot thing, say, hey, so what's up with your foot?

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They told me this was something you was concerned about.

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Tell me more about it.

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So a lot of times we try to act like something

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is not there.

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But when we ask people things about themselves,

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it lets them know that we have a caring and concerning part.

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Okay.

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Right, and so you may say,

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if you want to ignore he got a foot issue,

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hey, let's go walking in the park.

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Right, he's not gonna be alone,

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he may not be walking in the park.

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It's good to recognize that and don't act like

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you don't know that it's there.

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So what's up with your foot?

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What happened?

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Tell me your story.

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Yeah, okay.

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Those are things that people be like,

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oh, I would like to share that with you.

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For one, it helps them stop being nervous or self-conscious

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about what's happening with them,

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especially when it's an injury like that, right?

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It's not like somebody overweight.

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So tell me how you get fat.

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That's totally different.

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I mean, if I had to be like,

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but we're talking about an injury

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of somebody's wheelchair bound,

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who gonna act like the wheelchair is not there?

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Right.

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Oh man, what's your story?

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I love how courageous you are.

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Tell me your story.

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Tell me more about, it just shows a genuine interest.

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And Ebony, the only reason why I was saying that

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is because I know a lot of times people's stories

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or something that is vulnerable like that

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could possibly be attached to a deeper level

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of emotional attachment and intimacy.

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And so I guess my question would be like me to go,

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but you're saying it's okay to go there

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because it could possibly impact

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like what we do for like dates and stuff like that.

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Like even if it starts like sharing

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and becoming like teary or something like that,

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or very, you see what I'm saying?

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Well, the reason why I gave you the answer

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is because he specifically told them to ask you

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if his foot was okay.

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Right, right.

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Okay, yeah.

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Okay, this is already a topic of conversation,

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but you don't have to, I just want you to know,

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you don't have to act like something's not there.

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Got it.

240
00:12:57.320 --> 00:13:00.340
Like if something came up, you would be embarrassing him,

241
00:13:00.360 --> 00:13:03.940
you're not embarrassing him, you're acknowledging like,

242
00:13:04.020 --> 00:13:07.140
oh, okay, this is the foot thing you were talking about.

243
00:13:07.640 --> 00:13:10.340
You know, he already feels a bit self-conscious about it.

244
00:13:10.340 --> 00:13:12.100
Maybe another person did not like you

245
00:13:12.100 --> 00:13:13.180
when he showed up their way.

246
00:13:13.240 --> 00:13:15.040
I don't know what experience he's had,

247
00:13:15.040 --> 00:13:17.480
but he front loaded that experience

248
00:13:17.480 --> 00:13:18.940
so you can know what you were getting.

249
00:13:19.380 --> 00:13:21.120
That's the reason for that.

250
00:13:21.220 --> 00:13:22.960
Okay, thank you, that helps.

251
00:13:23.100 --> 00:13:25.600
You know, I like to video call people first

252
00:13:25.600 --> 00:13:27.080
so I can know what I'm getting

253
00:13:27.080 --> 00:13:28.220
and they can know what they're getting

254
00:13:28.220 --> 00:13:30.560
because I'm going to look like my picture.

255
00:13:30.640 --> 00:13:33.220
I'm being a person, but we're going to get this straight

256
00:13:33.340 --> 00:13:38.440
because we're not going to show up with surprises, right?

257
00:13:38.620 --> 00:13:42.440
And so, you don't have to though.

258
00:13:42.440 --> 00:13:43.800
I don't want you to feel like I'm telling you

259
00:13:43.800 --> 00:13:44.660
you have to do that.

260
00:13:44.660 --> 00:13:47.840
I'm just telling you that you don't have to dance around it

261
00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:49.540
like it's taboo.

262
00:13:49.880 --> 00:13:51.260
You don't have to say that.

263
00:13:51.640 --> 00:13:53.660
Or you can just say, you know,

264
00:13:53.820 --> 00:13:55.480
if you wanted to say something,

265
00:13:55.560 --> 00:13:58.160
I would say something that shows a more of an interest

266
00:13:58.160 --> 00:14:02.400
than a disdain or around your foot, you know,

267
00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:04.220
kind of be if you wanted to say something.

268
00:14:04.400 --> 00:14:05.040
That's all I'm saying.

269
00:14:05.260 --> 00:14:06.040
You don't have to say nothing.

270
00:14:06.820 --> 00:14:08.580
Right, no, that's a good suggestion.

271
00:14:08.900 --> 00:14:09.540
Thank you.

272
00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:12.360
Right, and then the other thing you said about,

273
00:14:12.360 --> 00:14:14.960
you can get a book with dating ideas in it,

274
00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:16.180
but you also can Google.

275
00:14:17.220 --> 00:14:19.040
They will give you hundreds of them.

276
00:14:19.900 --> 00:14:21.780
That's what I told you on the thing.

277
00:14:22.100 --> 00:14:22.260
Dating-

278
00:14:22.260 --> 00:14:23.400
I haven't had a chance to read yet.

279
00:14:23.540 --> 00:14:24.780
I didn't get it back to it yet.

280
00:14:25.180 --> 00:14:26.260
Oh yeah, dating prompts,

281
00:14:26.460 --> 00:14:27.780
like things that you can talk about

282
00:14:27.780 --> 00:14:29.320
that keep you on a surface level

283
00:14:29.740 --> 00:14:31.420
when you meet with somebody, icebreakers,

284
00:14:31.520 --> 00:14:32.660
and you could put them in your phone

285
00:14:32.660 --> 00:14:33.260
and you could tell them,

286
00:14:33.380 --> 00:14:35.560
y'all sit down, it's like, okay, I came prepared.

287
00:14:35.740 --> 00:14:38.620
I have some prompts for icebreaking questions

288
00:14:39.520 --> 00:14:42.400
that can help guide us in conversation.

289
00:14:42.640 --> 00:14:43.920
And some of them are really fun.

290
00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:46.120
Let me share with you the first one I picked out.

291
00:14:46.400 --> 00:14:47.660
Because you picked it out,

292
00:14:47.780 --> 00:14:50.020
that shows him more about your personality.

293
00:14:51.380 --> 00:14:53.940
So if you could have any superpower,

294
00:14:54.140 --> 00:14:55.740
which one would it be and why?

295
00:14:56.560 --> 00:14:57.520
Oh, I like that.

296
00:14:57.540 --> 00:14:58.500
You know what I'm saying?

297
00:14:59.100 --> 00:14:59.980
So why-

298
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.160
know, it just kind of digs, it helps you see a person a little bit more without

299
00:15:03.160 --> 00:15:05.440
asking you to me, um, questions.

300
00:15:07.300 --> 00:15:11.000
Yeah, that's super helpful because I think, yeah, I just wanted to make sure

301
00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:13.620
that made sense to do that because I think I definitely need help doing that.

302
00:15:13.620 --> 00:15:16.920
Cause I think I go either too deep or not deep enough.

303
00:15:18.020 --> 00:15:22.240
Um, yeah, it's like, yeah, I'll sneak out there.

304
00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:22.520
Yeah.

305
00:15:22.520 --> 00:15:25.800
If you go too deep, I want you to bear this one principle in mind.

306
00:15:25.820 --> 00:15:28.600
And I've said this and I don't know if you heard it before, but it's one

307
00:15:28.600 --> 00:15:31.480
that really guards my, my mouth.

308
00:15:32.220 --> 00:15:37.480
And it is that we don't spill our pearl before swine, meaning you don't give

309
00:15:37.480 --> 00:15:39.720
wisdom to someone you don't know.

310
00:15:39.880 --> 00:15:41.780
You don't know their ability to steward it.

311
00:15:42.060 --> 00:15:43.140
They don't value you.

312
00:15:43.300 --> 00:15:46.080
They don't honor you because they simply don't know you.

313
00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:51.040
So save your wisdom, all of your pearls, pearls for a community who values you,

314
00:15:51.360 --> 00:15:53.460
who honors you and wants to hear you.

315
00:15:53.480 --> 00:15:56.400
You don't just spill those things out and give them away to

316
00:15:56.400 --> 00:15:57.880
anyone because it's valuable.

317
00:15:57.880 --> 00:16:01.380
And so when we believe that, Oh, I just, that's just me.

318
00:16:01.500 --> 00:16:01.920
I go deep.

319
00:16:01.980 --> 00:16:03.040
No, no, that's just not wisdom.

320
00:16:04.320 --> 00:16:05.160
That's good.

321
00:16:05.300 --> 00:16:08.480
You don't, you don't give away things of such value.

322
00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:11.900
And so you take your time and you get to know a person and you learn if

323
00:16:11.900 --> 00:16:16.080
they can either treasure a home or even value the concepts or the principles

324
00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:20.220
that you carry and that you guard things about, or even your history and the

325
00:16:20.220 --> 00:16:21.880
things that you've gone through in life.

326
00:16:21.940 --> 00:16:23.740
So it's completely unnecessary.

327
00:16:24.340 --> 00:16:25.200
That's good.

328
00:16:25.680 --> 00:16:26.560
Thank you, Ebony.

329
00:16:26.760 --> 00:16:27.400
Very helpful.

330
00:16:27.400 --> 00:16:28.280
You're welcome.

331
00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:29.240
We're excited for you.

332
00:16:29.340 --> 00:16:31.380
Let us know how it goes and post your outfit.

333
00:16:32.160 --> 00:16:33.820
Oh yes, I will.

334
00:16:36.700 --> 00:16:37.740
Hey Nikki.

335
00:16:40.620 --> 00:16:41.140
Hi.

336
00:16:42.080 --> 00:16:46.400
Um, I can't believe this, but it's the first time I'm going to share.

337
00:16:46.600 --> 00:16:49.320
And my voice is struggling.

338
00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:56.660
I got sick over the weekend and, um, with all the coughing, I'm coughing

339
00:16:56.660 --> 00:17:01.120
tonight, so I'm sorry about the interruption and I have a little bit of

340
00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:06.579
a stuffy nose still, but, um, I was like, no, I really want to share,

341
00:17:07.500 --> 00:17:09.560
um, the timing of everything.

342
00:17:09.560 --> 00:17:11.040
It's really important that I share.

343
00:17:11.420 --> 00:17:19.660
And, um, I, I do have the weeks laid out, um, because unfortunately I never shared

344
00:17:19.660 --> 00:17:25.160
about this when it started because I didn't think it was important or

345
00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:29.840
significant, honestly, and it, it still feels like it really isn't significant,

346
00:17:29.980 --> 00:17:34.000
but I know internally, like with the heart work and stuff, it is, but, um,

347
00:17:35.600 --> 00:17:41.820
so, um, first I, uh, I'm a licensed counselor and I work for a hospital

348
00:17:41.820 --> 00:17:48.920
health system in Florida and they have contract with the school board in the

349
00:17:49.100 --> 00:17:52.500
county where I live to provide counseling in the schools.

350
00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:57.980
Um, and they've had this contract for like over a decade.

351
00:17:58.600 --> 00:18:00.140
Um, but they renew it.

352
00:18:00.420 --> 00:18:02.940
Like it's, um, it used to be every three years.

353
00:18:03.060 --> 00:18:03.820
Now it's every year.

354
00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:08.520
Um, I'm going to get back to the contract cause that's part

355
00:18:08.520 --> 00:18:09.500
of the story a little bit.

356
00:18:09.740 --> 00:18:10.800
Well, a lot.

357
00:18:10.980 --> 00:18:18.800
And anyways, um, so I go into the schools and, um, one of my schools is a

358
00:18:18.800 --> 00:18:22.960
charter school and, um, I really liked this school.

359
00:18:23.240 --> 00:18:23.660
It's wonderful.

360
00:18:24.820 --> 00:18:28.720
Um, and there is a deputy there, a school resource officer.

361
00:18:30.240 --> 00:18:35.120
Um, and when I first met him, I probably met him the first day it was there.

362
00:18:35.140 --> 00:18:36.360
It was like the beginning of August.

363
00:18:37.040 --> 00:18:39.580
I thought, oh, he's, he's really handsome.

364
00:18:40.140 --> 00:18:45.180
But then I quickly learned that he was 25 and I'm 37.

365
00:18:46.100 --> 00:18:48.000
So I was like, oh, okay.

366
00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:48.620
Forget that.

367
00:18:49.020 --> 00:18:53.080
Like he's handsome, but that's not somebody I'm going to entertain.

368
00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:58.800
Um, so anyways, but I, as the weeks, okay.

369
00:18:58.940 --> 00:19:01.960
So backing up for a second, because I go into the schools, I

370
00:19:01.960 --> 00:19:03.440
don't go to that school every day.

371
00:19:03.740 --> 00:19:08.360
I have five schools and I go to that school every Wednesday.

372
00:19:10.300 --> 00:19:15.160
Um, and then now I go also Monday mornings cause I got, I have a lot of school.

373
00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:17.580
I need to see I've been getting referrals.

374
00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:21.760
And, um, so I go Monday mornings or Monday afternoons.

375
00:19:21.840 --> 00:19:25.060
I split the day with another school so I could see all those students.

376
00:19:27.120 --> 00:19:34.580
Um, so, but I, I, I usually only see him Wednesdays because, um, I'm there all day.

377
00:19:35.660 --> 00:19:44.600
So anyways, as the weeks have progressed, like since August, I could feel, um, as

378
00:19:44.600 --> 00:19:45.880
attraction towards me.

379
00:19:47.000 --> 00:19:54.000
Um, it was subtle, but, and, and I usually don't assume that, but I knew like every

380
00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:56.200
time I walked in the room, he would notice me to make eye contact.

381
00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:57.360
He would tease me.

382
00:19:58.380 --> 00:19:59.980
He had like a, an.

383
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.020
ongoing tease about how he doesn't believe in counseling and he would be like smiling

384
00:20:04.020 --> 00:20:10.200
when he said it and it was just like obvious but I'd be like I'm not entertaining this

385
00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:17.520
I'm not I would be a little playful back but just because you know I want to be feminine

386
00:20:17.520 --> 00:20:20.680
or whatever it wasn't flirtatious but just you know playful.

387
00:20:22.360 --> 00:20:34.260
Um and so anyways on the so I have week I have the weeks numbered week one was September

388
00:20:36.200 --> 00:20:43.840
24 so okay I'm so I'm giving a lot of detail but I'm trying to like set up the context

389
00:20:43.840 --> 00:20:51.300
this school has two campuses it has an elementary it's k-12 so as an elementary campus and

390
00:20:51.300 --> 00:20:56.680
then it has a secondary campus middle and high school every Wednesday I'm at the element

391
00:20:56.680 --> 00:21:01.720
I'm on the elementary side until lunch and then I go to the secondary campus in the afternoon

392
00:21:03.560 --> 00:21:11.400
when I go to this second okay when I'm in the elementary side I normally see him at

393
00:21:11.400 --> 00:21:15.760
some point during the day like he'll be in the front office like chatting he is very

394
00:21:16.180 --> 00:21:21.620
personable and he's got a good sense of humor they really respect him at the school he gets

395
00:21:21.620 --> 00:21:27.360
along really great with the with the kids um but he'll be in the front office and like

396
00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:32.700
I'll see him there and he'll he'll immediately give me attention or I'll see him on the walkways

397
00:21:32.820 --> 00:21:39.040
like passing by or whatever but when I go to the secondary campus there's a classroom

398
00:21:39.640 --> 00:21:44.800
in the very it's built building one they have building one and then building five and it's

399
00:21:44.800 --> 00:21:48.520
in building five in the very back they have a classroom that they have given me to see

400
00:21:48.860 --> 00:21:54.560
students and I would usually meet with the students in there until like after four or

401
00:21:54.560 --> 00:21:57.660
I I wouldn't meet with them till after four but I would be in that classroom till after

402
00:21:57.660 --> 00:22:02.300
four and that's when most of the staff would be leaving so I'd leave a little after four

403
00:22:02.300 --> 00:22:11.640
and I wouldn't see him at that point but on September 24 they were using that classroom

404
00:22:11.640 --> 00:22:18.100
for ISS our in-school suspension and so they were like okay just sit here in the back office

405
00:22:18.100 --> 00:22:24.280
which is in building one and there's a little conference room there's a door to the back

406
00:22:24.280 --> 00:22:29.540
office and then the back office secretary is Stephanie she's there and then there's

407
00:22:29.540 --> 00:22:33.500
assistant principal office and the middle school counselor's office and then the conference

408
00:22:33.540 --> 00:22:40.540
room and so I I would meet with I met with the kids in there that day well he came into

409
00:22:40.540 --> 00:22:50.680
the back office on that day around like in the middle afternoon and I overheard him talking

410
00:22:50.680 --> 00:22:57.260
to Stephanie the secretary and he was like telling her about a devotional that he was

411
00:22:57.460 --> 00:23:02.020
reading in the Bible app and I couldn't I wasn't trying to overhear but I just could

412
00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:07.860
I mean he was talking loud enough and I thought oh that's interesting but once again I'm like

413
00:23:07.940 --> 00:23:16.740
not thinking about like that that would mean anything to me and like he he's Puerto Rican

414
00:23:17.280 --> 00:23:27.440
and he was like talking about how he made this like meal and that like his mom or his

415
00:23:28.020 --> 00:23:32.780
then he'll know that when he gets married it's for love and not for like the what like his wife

416
00:23:32.780 --> 00:23:38.480
to cook for him anyways I overheard those things I was like that's interesting like he's got more

417
00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:44.180
depth than I was like thinking because I was just like oh he's like a 25 year old not like I was

418
00:23:44.180 --> 00:23:52.800
looking down on him but just just you know he's not he's you know like at that stage of life like

419
00:23:52.800 --> 00:24:01.640
I don't know I just wasn't thinking too much about it but anyway so he'd walk by the door

420
00:24:01.640 --> 00:24:06.840
and then eventually like a few minutes later he came into the back office where I was sitting

421
00:24:07.420 --> 00:24:15.800
and he started a conversation with me and like was joking with me and it it turned into like

422
00:24:15.920 --> 00:24:23.420
like um it was only like 15 minutes or so but it was like a really like easy effortless

423
00:24:25.260 --> 00:24:31.460
conversation he was like wanting to see like the stuff that I had for counseling like like

424
00:24:31.460 --> 00:24:37.560
icebreaker stuff I have like Django blocks with questions on them that I when I first meet with a

425
00:24:37.560 --> 00:24:43.640
student I will ask kind of like what's your what would be your superpower that those kind of

426
00:24:45.450 --> 00:24:50.450
and like anyways we were like talking to each other about some of these questions and he was

427
00:24:50.450 --> 00:24:55.390
like answering them and he wanted to know my answer and stuff and and so I was just like oh

428
00:24:55.390 --> 00:24:59.450
that's you know really neat how like effortless that conversation was and

429
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:07.560
And then I basically was like, I kind of wrapped it up because I needed to call a student.

430
00:25:07.660 --> 00:25:15.380
And then at the end of the day, he came back to the conference room and yeah, to the back

431
00:25:15.440 --> 00:25:16.560
office, the conference room.

432
00:25:16.980 --> 00:25:24.900
And he was like talking to the assistant principal and like teased about how he doesn't believe

433
00:25:24.980 --> 00:25:25.380
in counseling.

434
00:25:25.420 --> 00:25:28.040
And he was like looking at me to see if I would like join in the conversation.

435
00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:34.860
And she came over and said, and his name's Alejandro.

436
00:25:35.240 --> 00:25:41.040
She said, Alejandro is going to make a great husband to someone one day when he's ready,

437
00:25:41.700 --> 00:25:44.400
but he might not be ready yet or something like that.

438
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:49.540
And so he looked at me and he's like, yeah, she thinks 25 is young, which I already knew

439
00:25:49.540 --> 00:25:50.280
he was 25.

440
00:25:50.320 --> 00:25:55.060
And the reason I knew is because actually the first day that I was there and I met him,

441
00:25:55.660 --> 00:26:00.340
we were sitting with the school counselor and she was talking about how she's dating

442
00:26:00.340 --> 00:26:03.920
a guy a lot younger than her and she's like 50, I think.

443
00:26:04.400 --> 00:26:08.840
And so I said, I don't know if you know the formula of like half your age plus seven.

444
00:26:09.560 --> 00:26:13.680
And I was like, just kind of joking, like maybe he's within that formula.

445
00:26:14.100 --> 00:26:17.340
And so that's when Alejandro was like, oh, what's 25?

446
00:26:18.860 --> 00:26:21.140
So I was like, oh, okay, that's how I found out.

447
00:26:21.140 --> 00:26:25.760
So anyways, fast forward to September 24, week one of this saga.

448
00:26:27.420 --> 00:26:30.540
He looked at me and he's like, she thinks 25 is young.

449
00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:33.320
And I said, 25 is young.

450
00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:36.820
And then I said, you're also Gen Z.

451
00:26:37.440 --> 00:26:41.060
And I can't remember exactly what I said after that, something like, and that makes it worse,

452
00:26:41.120 --> 00:26:42.180
but I was like playing around.

453
00:26:42.360 --> 00:26:48.140
And the reason I said that was because I just knew like he thinks I'm his age or around

454
00:26:48.140 --> 00:26:48.640
his age.

455
00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:57.000
And I knew that telling him that would like prompt him in some way to consider that I'm

456
00:26:57.000 --> 00:26:57.700
not his age.

457
00:26:58.320 --> 00:27:01.980
Because then he looked at me like questioning a little bit.

458
00:27:02.360 --> 00:27:07.520
Well, then a couple minutes later, he said, if I'm Gen Z, what does that make you, a baby

459
00:27:07.520 --> 00:27:07.960
boomer?

460
00:27:08.880 --> 00:27:13.500
And I was like, no, that makes, or I said, no, I was like, joke, like he was joking,

461
00:27:13.580 --> 00:27:13.820
obviously.

462
00:27:13.820 --> 00:27:16.440
And I was like, no, I'm a millennial.

463
00:27:16.700 --> 00:27:19.620
And I was saying like, that's the best generation or whatever.

464
00:27:20.580 --> 00:27:21.540
And I got in.

465
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:25.800
Anyways, we started talking about other things like him growing up in Puerto Rico a little

466
00:27:25.800 --> 00:27:26.000
bit.

467
00:27:26.140 --> 00:27:26.960
He talked about that.

468
00:27:28.460 --> 00:27:31.980
And we talked about geography and history a little bit.

469
00:27:32.220 --> 00:27:35.460
We talked for like, I don't know, like 20 or 25 minutes that day.

470
00:27:36.300 --> 00:27:44.400
Well, then week two, October 1st, he came to the back office at the end of the day.

471
00:27:45.180 --> 00:27:48.680
And within a couple minutes, just came straight to the conference room.

472
00:27:49.620 --> 00:27:53.160
And because that's where I was sitting again, because I think they were actually doing,

473
00:27:53.600 --> 00:27:58.020
I think they were having in school suspension again in that classroom that I normally use.

474
00:27:59.200 --> 00:28:01.920
And he just started talking to me again.

475
00:28:01.920 --> 00:28:04.320
And we ended up talking for an hour.

476
00:28:06.220 --> 00:28:09.380
And people like, like most of the staff was gone.

477
00:28:09.700 --> 00:28:10.840
We left after five.

478
00:28:12.360 --> 00:28:16.440
And like, the assistant principal and the school counselor saw us talking in the conference

479
00:28:16.440 --> 00:28:19.800
room and they were like, hey, guys, we're gonna lock up.

480
00:28:20.780 --> 00:28:25.240
You know, like the just the door will be locked, like when you leave or whatever.

481
00:28:26.040 --> 00:28:31.100
And we, I was actually, even though I thought the whole time I'm thinking, I don't know

482
00:28:31.320 --> 00:28:35.140
what I'm doing really talking to him this long.

483
00:28:35.520 --> 00:28:40.200
Because once again, I'm like, he doesn't know that I'm 12 years older than him.

484
00:28:41.560 --> 00:28:47.060
And so I was like, but at the same time, I was really enjoying the conversation.

485
00:28:47.060 --> 00:28:55.740
And I was keeping in mind the stuff you have shared, Ebony, about not, you know, like what

486
00:28:55.740 --> 00:29:01.120
you just said, actually not throwing your pearls, you know, prematurely.

487
00:29:01.380 --> 00:29:05.600
So even though it was like a very meaningful conversation, like we didn't talk about past

488
00:29:05.600 --> 00:29:07.080
dating relationships or anything like that.

489
00:29:07.080 --> 00:29:11.980
But I found out like that he is, as far as I know, like based on what he was sharing,

490
00:29:11.980 --> 00:29:17.980
he's a solid Christian and like he really knows elements of scripture.

491
00:29:18.760 --> 00:29:21.560
And we realized we were politically aligned.

492
00:29:24.980 --> 00:29:28.760
And yeah, you're almost 10 minutes in, I'm gonna need you to speak.

493
00:29:29.180 --> 00:29:29.560
I'm so sorry.

494
00:29:29.760 --> 00:29:30.480
I'm so sorry.

495
00:29:30.740 --> 00:29:34.080
Sorry, just just kind of go a little bit faster for me.

496
00:29:34.080 --> 00:29:34.580
Okay.

497
00:29:34.580 --> 00:29:34.680
Okay.

498
00:29:35.940 --> 00:29:46.700
Um, so anyways, at the towards the end of this conversation, um, he, um, I shared that

499
00:29:46.700 --> 00:29:49.460
I worked at a drug rehab for 10 years.

500
00:29:49.460 --> 00:29:54.660
And then he said, How old were you when you started working there?

501
00:29:54.800 --> 00:29:57.100
And so I knew what his question, what he was really asking.

502
00:29:57.660 --> 00:29:59.360
And so I said, um,

503
00:30:00.600 --> 00:30:06.020
I'm I didn't answer it right away. I just said I'm a lot older than you and I said, I'm 37

504
00:30:06.020 --> 00:30:08.360
I'm actually almost 38 in December and

505
00:30:09.560 --> 00:30:11.720
he said you don't look your age and

506
00:30:12.900 --> 00:30:19.340
I just said I I know I don't and then he was like he made a joke like that heat that I'm oh

507
00:30:19.340 --> 00:30:25.980
I'm so humble. He's like, oh, you're so humble humble or something. And then he like made a couple he

508
00:30:25.980 --> 00:30:31.960
We ended up talking about something else serious after that, but he did make a couple jokes like oh should I call you ma'am?

509
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:33.600
now and

510
00:30:33.600 --> 00:30:40.060
things like that and he commented at one point after that like that he had an old soul and

511
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:46.620
Didn't like to to go clubbing like when his friend with his friends because they like doing those types of things

512
00:30:46.760 --> 00:30:52.940
he so anyways, um, I was like, okay, I felt really vulnerable because I felt like

513
00:30:53.300 --> 00:30:54.760
Throughout this whole conversation

514
00:30:55.560 --> 00:30:57.920
He thought I was closer to his age and

515
00:30:58.840 --> 00:31:02.400
now it's like no, I'm actually a lot older just felt really weird, but I was like

516
00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:05.020
I

517
00:31:05.020 --> 00:31:07.340
Don't know. I just felt really vulnerable. So

518
00:31:08.080 --> 00:31:10.400
That week I was thinking

519
00:31:12.420 --> 00:31:17.860
I basically I I feel like I made the mistake of thinking that

520
00:31:19.540 --> 00:31:21.560
That this would be a practical

521
00:31:22.700 --> 00:31:24.700
Like relationship to explore

522
00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:29.800
Because I was surprised like we talked about so much in an hour. It was crazy and

523
00:31:31.460 --> 00:31:33.660
With his faith and

524
00:31:34.020 --> 00:31:39.380
It just there was some there was so much that felt like if it was if I was his age

525
00:31:39.580 --> 00:31:43.740
We would be compatible and so I thought I don't know like maybe I shouldn't

526
00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:50.280
Write him off like maybe like this is possible. So, um

527
00:31:50.280 --> 00:31:55.000
But I I felt like, you know, that's probably asking a lot from a 25 year old

528
00:31:55.680 --> 00:32:01.240
Anyways, so I was thinking he probably wouldn't now that he knows how old I am. He probably won't go for it

529
00:32:01.860 --> 00:32:05.340
So but I was basically like I'm not gonna initiate anything

530
00:32:05.340 --> 00:32:10.880
I'm just gonna see what he does like there's no initiation on initiating on my part. So week three was

531
00:32:11.500 --> 00:32:13.600
October 8 and

532
00:32:15.780 --> 00:32:18.200
He avoided me the whole day and

533
00:32:19.970 --> 00:32:23.490
Like I know I could read into things but it was really noticeable

534
00:32:25.050 --> 00:32:25.510
Like

535
00:32:26.410 --> 00:32:31.190
He was like barely on the elementary side. That's normally when we'd walk or run into each other

536
00:32:32.250 --> 00:32:37.750
He was barely over there. Like we never ran into each other. I saw him briefly at one point

537
00:32:38.450 --> 00:32:44.190
Like anyways, it was just so noticeable to me. And then at the end of the day, I was sitting in the back office and

538
00:32:45.180 --> 00:32:45.860
And

539
00:32:46.320 --> 00:32:50.060
Where I was sitting I could see him walking

540
00:32:51.380 --> 00:32:52.740
I'm sorry

541
00:32:52.740 --> 00:32:56.920
So this how we're gonna do so we about 15 minutes in you

542
00:32:56.980 --> 00:33:02.760
The question and then fill me in with the information I need if I don't answer it appropriately

543
00:33:03.060 --> 00:33:08.660
Okay me and then let me let me lead you to the information. I mean, okay

544
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:10.720
So what's the question?

545
00:33:12.900 --> 00:33:13.800
Um

546
00:33:15.100 --> 00:33:19.960
Look to be honest, I I

547
00:33:21.600 --> 00:33:23.400
Really I

548
00:33:23.400 --> 00:33:24.820
Think that I'm just

549
00:33:26.700 --> 00:33:31.860
Not understanding what God is trying to teach me from this because

550
00:33:33.180 --> 00:33:38.260
Every week it's been something different. Yeah, I

551
00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:45.860
Don't know. I just feel like I got swept up in a fantasy probably

552
00:33:47.160 --> 00:33:49.760
so, um, I just feel

553
00:33:52.000 --> 00:33:53.340
Kind of foolish

554
00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:55.400
and

555
00:33:57.960 --> 00:34:00.360
Maybe I just misread

556
00:34:00.680 --> 00:34:03.120
What I thought God was doing

557
00:34:03.760 --> 00:34:09.380
Every week was something new and different and it I just feel like it's been a rollercoaster

558
00:34:09.639 --> 00:34:14.320
And I didn't ask for this like I was purposely not going on the dating apps

559
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:19.080
I was I just feel like I was I didn't feel like I was ready and I feel like this is confirmation that I'm not

560
00:34:19.780 --> 00:34:24.960
Because I got swept away in a fantasy and I don't really have a question. I guess I just

561
00:34:25.420 --> 00:34:29.659
Yeah, so are you saying like let me just feel this act not hear your heart though

562
00:34:29.659 --> 00:34:33.460
Are you saying that after that day that he avoided you did he continue to avoid you?

563
00:34:34.739 --> 00:34:40.659
No, he avoided me that day and the end today. He would talk to you again. Yeah, and then

564
00:34:41.840 --> 00:34:45.600
Yeah, yeah, but I've never went out on a date. You never did anything

565
00:34:46.320 --> 00:34:52.340
And so you feel foolish because you feel like you put yourself out there. You were vulnerable you push past

566
00:34:54.050 --> 00:34:59.610
Your age and you kind of indulged in it and now to come find out nothing is actually coming of it is it

567
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.140
It's the gist of what happened.

568
00:35:02.180 --> 00:35:02.800
Yeah, yeah.

569
00:35:02.800 --> 00:35:05.740
Like I didn't, I haven't done anything externally

570
00:35:05.740 --> 00:35:07.300
that I would be embarrassed about.

571
00:35:07.420 --> 00:35:08.940
I have not initiated anything

572
00:35:10.640 --> 00:35:12.900
or shared my feelings or anything like that.

573
00:35:12.900 --> 00:35:15.220
It's just internally, I feel vulnerable.

574
00:35:16.220 --> 00:35:16.480
Right.

575
00:35:16.940 --> 00:35:17.460
Yeah.

576
00:35:17.680 --> 00:35:21.300
Yeah, and so one thing I wanna come in on is

577
00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:24.160
let's not assign what happened to you to God.

578
00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:30.040
This assigning that God made this happen,

579
00:35:30.120 --> 00:35:32.080
what is God trying to teach me?

580
00:35:33.100 --> 00:35:36.180
It's a wrong assignment because it caused you to be

581
00:35:36.220 --> 00:35:37.960
kind of heartbroken on two levels

582
00:35:38.080 --> 00:35:40.160
because you're not hearing God

583
00:35:40.160 --> 00:35:41.960
and that makes you feel lonely.

584
00:35:42.940 --> 00:35:45.680
And then you're made this situation at work

585
00:35:45.680 --> 00:35:48.300
and so now when you see him, that happened.

586
00:35:48.980 --> 00:35:50.840
Whether you stop talking to him or not

587
00:35:50.840 --> 00:35:53.420
or whether it moves forward or not, it happened, right?

588
00:35:53.420 --> 00:35:55.480
And so now you have that awkwardness

589
00:35:55.480 --> 00:35:57.020
that could possibly be there.

590
00:35:58.140 --> 00:36:00.780
So if I assign it to God,

591
00:36:01.260 --> 00:36:05.680
then I am forced to believe that it's something there

592
00:36:05.680 --> 00:36:07.700
that I need to keep digging to pull out.

593
00:36:09.180 --> 00:36:11.640
When if I assign it to an experience

594
00:36:11.640 --> 00:36:13.520
that I met this young man in my job

595
00:36:13.520 --> 00:36:16.240
and he was younger than me and he actually liked me,

596
00:36:16.300 --> 00:36:18.400
we started talking but nothing came of it,

597
00:36:18.580 --> 00:36:20.040
that's just what it is.

598
00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:23.540
Do you see how no embarrassment has to be attached

599
00:36:23.540 --> 00:36:25.900
that you can look at him every day and talk and laugh?

600
00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:27.840
Yes.

601
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:28.240
Right?

602
00:36:28.300 --> 00:36:30.160
But when you start assigning something

603
00:36:30.160 --> 00:36:31.680
deeper than what it is,

604
00:36:33.460 --> 00:36:36.380
he did not, even if he rejected you,

605
00:36:36.820 --> 00:36:38.040
you're not rejected Nikki.

606
00:36:39.260 --> 00:36:41.240
Or even if nothing comes of it,

607
00:36:41.240 --> 00:36:42.720
it doesn't make you look stupid,

608
00:36:42.920 --> 00:36:44.160
he tried to talk to you,

609
00:36:44.280 --> 00:36:46.360
that's what you found him interesting.

610
00:36:46.620 --> 00:36:48.760
You found out that he did have a relationship with God

611
00:36:48.760 --> 00:36:50.200
so you said, let me test the waters,

612
00:36:50.340 --> 00:36:51.640
let me see what this would be like.

613
00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:53.500
It's called experience.

614
00:36:54.380 --> 00:36:56.780
And so if I wanted to say anything about God

615
00:36:56.780 --> 00:36:59.220
in this situation, maybe let's see how,

616
00:36:59.560 --> 00:37:01.540
let's see if you're being measured

617
00:37:01.540 --> 00:37:03.700
by how well you handle experiences.

618
00:37:04.940 --> 00:37:07.200
Maybe the Lord is helping you to be stretched

619
00:37:07.200 --> 00:37:09.140
in actually having an experience

620
00:37:09.260 --> 00:37:11.700
because if you don't step out on experiences

621
00:37:11.700 --> 00:37:14.220
and opportunities when your spirit mate comes,

622
00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:15.560
you ain't gonna step out on that either.

623
00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:17.260
You're gonna be waiting on some thunder

624
00:37:17.260 --> 00:37:19.460
to come from heaven to tell you that somebody,

625
00:37:19.700 --> 00:37:21.380
somebody, as you say, from God,

626
00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:22.200
you know what I'm saying?

627
00:37:22.520 --> 00:37:24.660
And so we have to be willing to get to know people,

628
00:37:24.820 --> 00:37:26.220
have to be willing to step out

629
00:37:26.220 --> 00:37:29.040
and we have to be able to enter into something

630
00:37:29.040 --> 00:37:31.560
and get our heart broken and learn how to deal

631
00:37:31.560 --> 00:37:33.360
with what seems like rejection.

632
00:37:34.220 --> 00:37:36.040
And I think that in this process,

633
00:37:36.040 --> 00:37:38.360
we all go through the test of rejection

634
00:37:38.860 --> 00:37:42.120
and see if we let that tell us who we are

635
00:37:42.120 --> 00:37:44.700
or if we go back and was like, man, that's thing.

636
00:37:44.700 --> 00:37:51.100
You gotta be willing to take what comes with this process

637
00:37:51.680 --> 00:37:54.940
as a tool to shaping you and sharpening you.

638
00:37:54.940 --> 00:37:56.880
And so I just want you to know

639
00:37:57.200 --> 00:37:59.280
that I think you did a really good job.

640
00:37:59.440 --> 00:38:00.700
I think it was a lot of fun.

641
00:38:00.900 --> 00:38:02.760
I think that you can make a decision

642
00:38:02.760 --> 00:38:04.280
like if he's being hot or cold,

643
00:38:04.300 --> 00:38:05.920
I don't know if that's what you're saying.

644
00:38:06.200 --> 00:38:08.060
I don't know if you're saying you're really confused

645
00:38:08.060 --> 00:38:09.620
about do you move forward or not?

646
00:38:09.640 --> 00:38:11.460
But if you wanna know if you move forward

647
00:38:11.460 --> 00:38:12.920
with somebody or not,

648
00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:15.860
but at some point he should ask you out for coffee

649
00:38:15.860 --> 00:38:18.520
or you need to say, hey, do you wanna get coffee

650
00:38:18.520 --> 00:38:20.160
and get to know each other a little bit better

651
00:38:20.160 --> 00:38:22.240
or you need to just chill and be like,

652
00:38:22.240 --> 00:38:23.900
you know, it's really fun getting to know you

653
00:38:23.900 --> 00:38:25.580
but we're not gonna go any further than this

654
00:38:25.580 --> 00:38:28.280
but I like getting to know you, right?

655
00:38:28.280 --> 00:38:29.220
As a friend at work.

656
00:38:29.540 --> 00:38:30.980
If you're not gonna move forward,

657
00:38:31.160 --> 00:38:34.140
you can cut out this fantasy land that you're living in

658
00:38:34.160 --> 00:38:36.240
because then at some point you just keep living

659
00:38:36.240 --> 00:38:37.620
in something that's not true.

660
00:38:37.740 --> 00:38:40.640
I'm not saying you do that or you don't do that

661
00:38:40.640 --> 00:38:42.160
but we're about 20 minutes in

662
00:38:42.160 --> 00:38:45.480
so I can't really like decipher the two

663
00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:48.420
but I'm just giving you advice in general overall.

664
00:38:48.920 --> 00:38:51.420
So if you wanna know if it's gonna be something

665
00:38:51.740 --> 00:38:53.860
and he hadn't asked you for a cup of coffee,

666
00:38:54.260 --> 00:38:56.220
you can ask him what his intentions are.

667
00:38:56.940 --> 00:38:59.980
So you can say to him, Nikola, has he asked you out yet?

668
00:39:02.460 --> 00:39:06.760
No, and I'm actually leaving the schools

669
00:39:06.760 --> 00:39:09.220
which that makes it, it's not really complicated.

670
00:39:09.220 --> 00:39:12.120
It makes it feel insignificant even more

671
00:39:15.680 --> 00:39:20.680
because basically the contract is different this year

672
00:39:20.680 --> 00:39:24.220
and it's caused us to find other positions

673
00:39:24.220 --> 00:39:28.520
so it's kinda getting dissolved basically because of that

674
00:39:28.520 --> 00:39:30.880
and there was a position that came open

675
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:33.840
with the same company that I work for that I took

676
00:39:35.900 --> 00:39:38.000
and he knows that I'm leaving.

677
00:39:38.520 --> 00:39:38.780
Okay.

678
00:39:39.880 --> 00:39:43.120
My last day there is tomorrow actually

679
00:39:44.880 --> 00:39:49.220
and I plan to just have like a really short goodbye,

680
00:39:51.100 --> 00:39:52.380
nothing big.

681
00:39:52.840 --> 00:39:53.780
So does he have your number?

682
00:39:54.400 --> 00:39:54.840
No.

683
00:39:55.440 --> 00:39:58.520
But we'll see tomorrow if he asks for your number, right?

684
00:39:58.900 --> 00:39:59.980
I don't think he will.

685
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.540
Well, regardless, we'll see.

686
00:40:03.440 --> 00:40:04.860
I don't know why you think he won't.

687
00:40:05.080 --> 00:40:06.560
I don't know why he could or could not.

688
00:40:07.000 --> 00:40:09.720
But if he doesn't, then that's the end of it.

689
00:40:10.040 --> 00:40:11.760
But I do think that you could measure,

690
00:40:11.860 --> 00:40:13.240
if you wanted to measure something,

691
00:40:13.340 --> 00:40:15.360
I would measure how you handled yourself,

692
00:40:16.140 --> 00:40:19.260
how you didn't compromise, how you paced yourself,

693
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:21.860
how you got to know him organically,

694
00:40:22.440 --> 00:40:24.140
how much you enjoyed the conversation,

695
00:40:24.760 --> 00:40:27.060
how you talked to somebody, and it felt so good,

696
00:40:27.180 --> 00:40:28.600
and it was just the ease.

697
00:40:28.600 --> 00:40:30.440
All of these are wins.

698
00:40:33.080 --> 00:40:34.920
But when we start saying, God,

699
00:40:35.040 --> 00:40:36.520
what are you trying to teach?

700
00:40:37.520 --> 00:40:38.900
That gets really tricky.

701
00:40:39.080 --> 00:40:40.920
Why did you bring this into my life?

702
00:40:41.240 --> 00:40:43.780
Well, you met somebody who thought you were beautiful,

703
00:40:43.860 --> 00:40:45.200
and they wanted to talk to you.

704
00:40:47.600 --> 00:40:48.740
Does that make sense?

705
00:40:49.360 --> 00:40:50.760
It does, it does.

706
00:40:50.760 --> 00:40:54.540
I don't know why I wanna see a reason behind everything.

707
00:40:54.880 --> 00:40:57.560
If it doesn't work out, I wanna know,

708
00:40:57.560 --> 00:40:59.080
well, then what was the reason?

709
00:40:59.420 --> 00:41:00.860
It feels like it's a waste of time

710
00:41:00.860 --> 00:41:02.520
if there's no reason behind it.

711
00:41:03.180 --> 00:41:09.760
And I know that I can get swept up,

712
00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:14.000
which is one of the reasons I try not to date

713
00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:16.300
a whole lot, actually, because I already know

714
00:41:16.300 --> 00:41:18.400
I have an anxious attachment style and all that.

715
00:41:19.600 --> 00:41:23.520
So, Nikki, this is the thing.

716
00:41:23.840 --> 00:41:26.600
That anxious attachment style is gonna have to be

717
00:41:26.600 --> 00:41:28.180
sharpened out of you.

718
00:41:28.840 --> 00:41:31.620
This ideal or concept that you're gonna go sit in a corner

719
00:41:31.620 --> 00:41:33.360
and then God's just gonna bring you something

720
00:41:33.360 --> 00:41:35.760
and you don't deal with the way you connect

721
00:41:35.780 --> 00:41:38.900
and you want heaven's best is not reality

722
00:41:38.900 --> 00:41:40.400
for how God does things.

723
00:41:40.880 --> 00:41:42.980
God comes to make us whole overall.

724
00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:46.360
And I really wanna empower you with that information

725
00:41:46.520 --> 00:41:49.300
because the Lord is not looking to keep you safe

726
00:41:49.300 --> 00:41:50.300
where you don't grow.

727
00:41:50.640 --> 00:41:53.520
He's looking to expand you so that you can come

728
00:41:53.520 --> 00:41:56.300
into the fullness of what he has designed for you.

729
00:41:56.620 --> 00:41:59.200
And any woman who has an anxious attachment style

730
00:41:59.200 --> 00:42:01.820
that she does not deal with and harness

731
00:42:02.320 --> 00:42:05.980
and sharpens herself, sets herself up to be love-bombed

732
00:42:05.980 --> 00:42:08.740
and to be made a full love and to be left crumbling,

733
00:42:09.160 --> 00:42:09.760
sitting in the corner.

734
00:42:09.860 --> 00:42:11.480
And God doesn't want that for you.

735
00:42:11.740 --> 00:42:14.240
He wants you to be encouraged and to be strengthened

736
00:42:14.240 --> 00:42:17.000
and to be able to handle whatever comes your way.

737
00:42:17.580 --> 00:42:20.140
So you say, like, I don't do this because of this.

738
00:42:20.200 --> 00:42:21.920
And God's like, let's get your feet wet.

739
00:42:21.920 --> 00:42:25.660
So he used something that was where you couldn't avoid it,

740
00:42:25.660 --> 00:42:27.540
if we wanna talk about him working something,

741
00:42:27.620 --> 00:42:31.400
to get you, and this was a really safe experiment,

742
00:42:31.600 --> 00:42:33.960
actually, it was a safe investment.

743
00:42:35.060 --> 00:42:38.500
If you are growing, then you're not losing.

744
00:42:38.860 --> 00:42:40.780
But when you're sitting and you're not growing,

745
00:42:41.240 --> 00:42:42.220
then you're not growing.

746
00:42:42.360 --> 00:42:46.620
And we serve a God of growth, not a God of stagnation.

747
00:42:46.920 --> 00:42:49.040
So there's no sitting still with him.

748
00:42:49.060 --> 00:42:50.300
Are you gonna partner with him?

749
00:42:50.300 --> 00:42:51.900
If you're gonna put his name on something,

750
00:42:51.980 --> 00:42:53.720
if you're gonna say that he did it,

751
00:42:53.720 --> 00:42:55.480
it's gonna be because he grew you

752
00:42:55.480 --> 00:42:58.520
and you're gonna have something to give somebody else.

753
00:42:58.640 --> 00:43:01.040
You're gonna have something to pour into somebody else.

754
00:43:01.060 --> 00:43:03.760
And you can't pour something from a cup that's empty.

755
00:43:06.460 --> 00:43:09.000
And I hope that's encouraging for you, Nikki,

756
00:43:09.160 --> 00:43:13.700
because the Lord wants you, you can make good decisions.

757
00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:15.840
The problem is you don't believe you could do it.

758
00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:19.740
You don't trust yourself, but it's not true, Nikki.

759
00:43:19.740 --> 00:43:21.780
You have not been in this program for nothing.

760
00:43:21.860 --> 00:43:22.620
And that's for everybody.

761
00:43:22.720 --> 00:43:24.620
That's why I'm spending a little time responding to this.

762
00:43:24.860 --> 00:43:25.860
We don't trust ourselves.

763
00:43:25.960 --> 00:43:26.840
We think we're gonna make a bad,

764
00:43:27.240 --> 00:43:28.700
think we're just gonna fall head over heels

765
00:43:28.700 --> 00:43:30.120
and nothing's gonna stop us.

766
00:43:30.580 --> 00:43:31.400
Nothing's gonna stop you

767
00:43:31.400 --> 00:43:33.180
if you don't submit yourself to boundaries.

768
00:43:34.280 --> 00:43:36.640
If you don't submit yourself to boundaries,

769
00:43:36.980 --> 00:43:39.180
then yeah, you're gonna do the same thing over again.

770
00:43:39.220 --> 00:43:42.820
But if you don't do physical, if you don't do emotional,

771
00:43:43.120 --> 00:43:45.740
and if you don't do spiritual like you're not supposed to do

772
00:43:45.740 --> 00:43:49.080
even when it feels so good and it feels so magical,

773
00:43:49.080 --> 00:43:51.860
and I ain't never connected with nobody like this before,

774
00:43:52.080 --> 00:43:53.080
even though you ain't been connected,

775
00:43:53.240 --> 00:43:54.420
but one day and a half,

776
00:43:54.820 --> 00:43:59.060
if you would deal with that fantasy

777
00:43:59.080 --> 00:44:01.940
that lives in us as women, this fantasy,

778
00:44:02.300 --> 00:44:05.460
and submit your fantasy to the boundaries,

779
00:44:05.780 --> 00:44:08.500
then you will find that you'll be guarding your heart

780
00:44:08.500 --> 00:44:10.180
with all diligence and you will come

781
00:44:10.180 --> 00:44:11.940
to a better outcome at the end.

782
00:44:12.840 --> 00:44:14.380
You don't trust yourself

783
00:44:14.380 --> 00:44:16.540
because of what you experienced in the past

784
00:44:16.540 --> 00:44:19.460
and how to the end that you went to,

785
00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:21.460
but you're the new improved Nikki.

786
00:44:21.800 --> 00:44:23.880
And the only way to know that to be true

787
00:44:23.880 --> 00:44:26.340
is to actually test it out.

788
00:44:28.440 --> 00:44:29.480
Thank you.

789
00:44:30.280 --> 00:44:30.740
Okay.

790
00:44:31.420 --> 00:44:32.620
Is that okay?

791
00:44:33.300 --> 00:44:34.140
Yes, yes.

792
00:44:34.560 --> 00:44:37.820
I told God that I wanted to hear

793
00:44:37.820 --> 00:44:40.020
whatever you had to tell me.

794
00:44:41.820 --> 00:44:45.440
So I take all that you're sharing, I take it to heart.

795
00:44:45.440 --> 00:44:46.820
I'm going to meditate on it.

796
00:44:47.040 --> 00:44:49.200
Yeah, and you're so gentle.

797
00:44:49.420 --> 00:44:52.100
I'm just trying to be so strategic with my words.

798
00:44:52.540 --> 00:44:54.920
So I don't want to like, you're so, so gentle.

799
00:44:55.040 --> 00:44:56.880
I don't like, don't crush it with your words.

800
00:44:57.340 --> 00:44:59.160
No, you're not doing that at all.

801
00:44:59.520 --> 00:44:59.980
I'm-

802
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:10.200
I need to hear the harsh truth. Anyways, I, I feel bad that I didn't open up about this roller coaster to begin with. And instead I'm like vomiting for like 20 minutes.

803
00:45:11.640 --> 00:45:26.140
It's okay. Thank this for y'all. Thank you so much for sharing. If y'all don't know, this is Nikki out of I don't know how many months she been in face. She has never. Will you hear me say never. She has never shared she been six months. She's never open

804
00:45:27.120 --> 00:45:29.060
Like April or May that I started

805
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:43.000
Yeah, so we did take a lot of time and I'm not going over 815 tonight. And so it was is because Nikki has never talked before. And so I really need to hear her heart because she wants to share Nick last week to go ahead for Kim. Kim, where are we

806
00:45:49.840 --> 00:46:10.720
First of all, I'm watching my granddaughter. So she keeps barking and I keep trying to be quiet. But so she might bark. But anyway, oh man, things have progressed here. And okay, so last week. I mean, things are great. But last week, he said the I love you word.

807
00:46:10.720 --> 00:46:40.700
And I wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready for it. So I couldn't say it back. It was very, I mean, I just said, Oh, his name is Marv, by the way. So I call it Marvy Marv. But anyway, so I was just so taken aback. And I said, Oh, Marv. I go, What? What? And he goes, Well, I do. And I go, Oh, Marv.

808
00:46:41.680 --> 00:46:46.600
I mean, okay, first of all, I mean, I don't know. It's only been two months. I

809
00:46:46.980 --> 00:46:47.880
I don't know.

810
00:46:49.500 --> 00:46:50.200
450 dates.

811
00:46:50.700 --> 00:47:10.040
What? Yeah, I'm going on a lot. I agree. I agree. And I probably shouldn't even still be in this this phase, but I just don't want to leave you. Just don't want to leave because I get I get so much out of this all these all of you ladies are so fantastic. And I keep hearing about phase three and I don't think you get to talk as much. So anyway, back to it.

812
00:47:10.720 --> 00:47:16.540
I couldn't say it back. And I just said, Marv, you have to understand we come from two very different heart places.

813
00:47:18.180 --> 00:47:23.260
He's only been in love one time with his wife of 57 years.

814
00:47:24.600 --> 00:47:38.500
He's like a 19 year old boy. He, he's so innocent. And he just said, I, it's just how I feel. He's very authentic with where he is and what's going on. I lost you Ebony, I don't know where you are.

815
00:47:38.500 --> 00:47:48.260
Oh, there you are. But anyway, and I said, you have to understand my heart's kind of been through it. It's I've, I've done some work.

816
00:47:49.240 --> 00:47:55.280
And I've done a lot of healing, but I'm not there yet. Like I really like you.

817
00:47:56.340 --> 00:48:04.320
I am enjoying getting to know you more, but I know it's accelerated for him because of his age. See, this is where the age difference is having an issue.

818
00:48:05.320 --> 00:48:17.320
He's very accelerated. He's ready to travel. He's ready to go somewhere. He's ready to, to, to do it. Like all of it. Like, and that's the other thing. So, okay. So that's that.

819
00:48:17.980 --> 00:48:20.540
And I'm not ready yet. And I told him.

820
00:48:21.180 --> 00:48:34.600
But then he's also, he also has asked me, cause he did ask me, he, he asked permission to kiss me the first time. And I said, no, if you remember that and we waited, I, we finally kissed.

821
00:48:34.600 --> 00:48:50.800
Well, the kissing has been a little on the intimate side and I'm just like, I understand why you're not supposed to do that. I get it, but it's very sweet. It's very sweet. It's not anything like, you know, I don't know, no, no, no tonsil hockey, anything like that.

822
00:48:51.200 --> 00:49:00.140
But anyway, it's just, it's just sweet. It's very sweet, but it's very, it is very intimate. It is very intimate. Kissing to me is one of the most intimate things you can do.

823
00:49:01.000 --> 00:49:07.100
But I think he's asking me now. So like, I'm really, he told me one time he was happy with the progression.

824
00:49:08.180 --> 00:49:21.280
He's like, kind of, and he's thinking back of what it's like in high school. So like, he's thinking, when do we get to progress to the next space? Like, cause he's a, he's a man, like bottom line, ladies, I don't care how old they get. They're a man.

825
00:49:21.280 --> 00:49:39.940
They still think physically, like they're very physical in their expression of things. And women are more about the emotional connection. Not that all guys are that way, but I just feel like a lot of men are. And at least that's been my experience. And I'm like, what are we talking about here? What are we talking about?

826
00:49:39.940 --> 00:49:59.980
Like, I mean, I think he's thinking back in terms of the basis. I think he's, I don't know. I feel like, is he asking me for like second base? Like, what is he asking? Like, I don't even know what he's asking me. And it's just, I don't know. So I'm, that's where I am. I, he's, so that's,

827
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.540
They said, I don't know. So, and I know he's not love bombing me because I've been loved by before and I'm pretty much understand it. He's just

828
00:50:09.960 --> 00:50:18.620
He's okay guys he's 83 and he's ready to get on with it because he's, you know, I don't know how much time he's got left. Right. So I don't know.

829
00:50:18.940 --> 00:50:19.340
So Kim.

830
00:50:19.480 --> 00:50:22.060
What do I do, I just don't know what to do.

831
00:50:22.280 --> 00:50:23.900
How old are you again.

832
00:50:24.260 --> 00:50:25.220
I'm 70

833
00:50:25.420 --> 00:50:26.960
You're saying he's 83

834
00:50:27.480 --> 00:50:27.960
Yes.

835
00:50:27.960 --> 00:50:32.920
Okay, so listen, this is 13 years, but let me

836
00:50:33.920 --> 00:50:43.800
You won't even have to move on some business. Tell this man what your hesitations are your hesitation is that he's older than you and you scared he might die next year. Right.

837
00:50:44.700 --> 00:50:57.120
Well, he's very healthy and I know that he's healthier than a lot of them in my age. We went on a hike Sunday we hike 10 miles and went straight up. He had. He was great.

838
00:50:57.120 --> 00:50:58.840
Okay, what's the problem.

839
00:51:01.100 --> 00:51:10.600
It's too soon for me. I, it's too soon for me. I don't have. I don't, I can't say I love you. Yeah, I that I'm worried. I'm worried about feeling it.

840
00:51:11.180 --> 00:51:19.320
Now I know what we're talking about. We're not talking about love. You don't have to tell him you love him. He could perfectly express to you that he loves you without you having to say it back.

841
00:51:19.640 --> 00:51:20.080
Right.

842
00:51:20.080 --> 00:51:23.560
I think that that is endearing and beautiful.

843
00:51:24.880 --> 00:51:34.420
So there's no. That's a beautiful thing for you to receive that you met a man who adores you and he said to you. I love you.

844
00:51:34.420 --> 00:51:43.720
You met a man who's not pressuring you for six. It's been two months. He spends his money. He spends his time he gives up his heart to you.

845
00:51:43.720 --> 00:51:53.480
You met a man who was married for 57 years. He has learned how to treat a woman. Well, he has come to Kim, the one who has not been treated well.

846
00:51:53.520 --> 00:52:02.580
In a given the opportunity to he can heal so many places in you that has not been treated well because we are broken in community. We are healed in community.

847
00:52:03.100 --> 00:52:14.180
So this was in front of you. So I want you to speak from your heart. This is not a threat to you. He is not a pressure. The only reason why you feel pressure because it's something you're not expressing

848
00:52:15.560 --> 00:52:16.600
Even pressure.

849
00:52:16.880 --> 00:52:19.060
I do feel pressure. I do.

850
00:52:20.100 --> 00:52:28.280
He's pressuring you because I'm too much in in like six weeks down like he didn't come through the gate saying all these things.

851
00:52:28.280 --> 00:52:28.960
You're right.

852
00:52:30.540 --> 00:52:33.900
What I know this screen jump so much. Where did you go, Kim.

853
00:52:34.180 --> 00:52:35.080
I'm right here.

854
00:52:36.800 --> 00:52:47.000
I can you there. So let's, let's get to the bottom. Just tell me what what what's your fear is me. What's your issue. So you can tell him the issue.

855
00:52:47.520 --> 00:52:49.040
I know I'm trying to figure it out.

856
00:52:50.580 --> 00:52:51.100
Um,

857
00:52:51.640 --> 00:52:52.040
You wish.

858
00:52:52.040 --> 00:53:01.180
Well, I guess I and this is probably a chance to heal a little bit more do a little bit more hard healing. I, I think inside. I'm, it's like, here I am.

859
00:53:04.160 --> 00:53:08.040
I don't, I don't know how to say it. I don't, I don't want to

860
00:53:09.220 --> 00:53:11.800
I've made a lot of mistakes in my past.

861
00:53:13.180 --> 00:53:19.580
And I know this is really different. And I just, that's why I'm in this program. That's why I did this program. Everything's different this time around.

862
00:53:19.960 --> 00:53:34.080
But I guess, you know, the memories from the past. I feel like he's so pure and I feel like I'm the one that's tainted. Although I know that's not true. I know God loves me and I know he forgives me and he's and we've hit. We've done a lot of healing and he

863
00:53:35.420 --> 00:53:45.120
He, you know, I don't have to believe that lie, but I guess deep down, I guess it's sometimes still there. I mean, I guess it's still hard for us sometimes to get there completely. I mean, I

864
00:53:47.220 --> 00:54:02.040
I know, you know, I think, I mean, I know that I'm a good person. I know that he has found somebody that I mean, I know I would be good with him. I know that I would be. And I think he's showing me that he's really good to like he's

865
00:54:02.140 --> 00:54:15.100
He's so morally. So he's all the things but but again, you know, and now he does. He wants to go to church. He wants to go to my church. He listened to a song of the day. He goes, I think this might be what's because he's Catholic ladies. For those of you don't know.

866
00:54:15.340 --> 00:54:27.400
And he doesn't get a lot out of church. He's expressed an interest. I haven't invited him yet, mainly because that's another intimacy that I I'm like, is it time yet. Do I need to, you know, do I need to bring him to my church.

867
00:54:28.020 --> 00:54:37.000
Um, but he listened to the song. He says, I think this might be what you what your church experiences like and it was really, he goes, I really, you know, he enjoyed the song.

868
00:54:37.580 --> 00:54:51.940
Because of the music and stuff like that. And he goes, this must be what similar your church kind of like praise and worship. And I said, yeah, it is similar to that. And he, I think he was indicating that he might like to go to church, but I didn't ask him Sunday to go with me.

869
00:54:51.940 --> 00:54:59.260
So let's, let's do this. Um, I'm gonna take one minute and I'm going to say this to you. Okay. When I was in there.

870
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.400
There's the recent marriage minded relationship.

871
00:55:02.580 --> 00:55:05.700
I got so frustrated one day and I just said,

872
00:55:05.760 --> 00:55:08.160
why is he so kind to me?

873
00:55:08.180 --> 00:55:11.340
I don't deserve this level of kindness.

874
00:55:11.640 --> 00:55:14.240
And there was an issue in my heart

875
00:55:14.240 --> 00:55:16.200
that I did not feel worthy.

876
00:55:16.580 --> 00:55:18.540
He wouldn't stop being kind to me.

877
00:55:18.580 --> 00:55:25.020
And so I would just do things to push back, like stop, stop.

878
00:55:25.080 --> 00:55:28.200
No matter what I did wrong, he was just still loving me

879
00:55:28.200 --> 00:55:29.260
and kind to me.

880
00:55:29.260 --> 00:55:31.780
And I was talking to my friend, I said,

881
00:55:32.340 --> 00:55:34.740
what the heck is wrong with him?

882
00:55:35.720 --> 00:55:38.300
It was because he was pouring out kindness on me

883
00:55:38.300 --> 00:55:39.720
and I didn't believe I deserve it.

884
00:55:39.840 --> 00:55:40.940
And Kim, you're not alone.

885
00:55:41.960 --> 00:55:43.800
If you don't believe you deserve kindness,

886
00:55:43.860 --> 00:55:45.660
you just don't believe you deserve kindness.

887
00:55:45.820 --> 00:55:47.540
If you don't believe that you're worthy

888
00:55:47.540 --> 00:55:49.580
of that level of kindness, you don't have to tell me.

889
00:55:49.580 --> 00:55:50.720
I know, I know, I know.

890
00:55:50.780 --> 00:55:52.220
No, your heart doesn't know it.

891
00:55:52.240 --> 00:55:55.420
And that's why this man has come to give it to you,

892
00:55:55.420 --> 00:55:58.600
because you do deserve it, because you have an experience.

893
00:55:58.600 --> 00:56:00.860
And when you haven't experienced something enough,

894
00:56:01.140 --> 00:56:03.580
you are not convinced that you're worthy of it,

895
00:56:03.580 --> 00:56:05.620
because nobody gave it to you.

896
00:56:06.080 --> 00:56:07.760
And even if they did try to give it to you,

897
00:56:07.820 --> 00:56:10.440
you didn't know how to receive it like you're doing now.

898
00:56:10.620 --> 00:56:12.660
But this time is different.

899
00:56:12.940 --> 00:56:15.240
So don't boost your head up and say, but I know, I know,

900
00:56:15.260 --> 00:56:16.020
I know, no, you don't.

901
00:56:16.120 --> 00:56:17.120
Just say, I don't.

902
00:56:17.140 --> 00:56:19.040
I don't know why you like me so much.

903
00:56:19.160 --> 00:56:21.260
I don't know why you being so good to me.

904
00:56:21.600 --> 00:56:24.720
I don't know why, but I am willing to receive it.

905
00:56:25.060 --> 00:56:26.800
That's your starting place.

906
00:56:26.800 --> 00:56:29.900
A lot of times we hide behind, well, I know God this,

907
00:56:29.980 --> 00:56:32.280
and I know God that, no, you don't.

908
00:56:32.340 --> 00:56:34.800
If we could be honest and vulnerable enough to say,

909
00:56:34.840 --> 00:56:37.300
no, we don't, we can actually receive.

910
00:56:37.760 --> 00:56:42.380
But as long as we keep up this facade in all our scriptures,

911
00:56:42.760 --> 00:56:45.640
it blocks us from receiving what heaven

912
00:56:45.640 --> 00:56:46.800
is trying to pour out.

913
00:56:47.540 --> 00:56:50.060
So the part, so I want you to do that.

914
00:56:50.120 --> 00:56:52.700
I want you to say, I don't believe that I receive this,

915
00:56:52.780 --> 00:56:54.580
but I am willing to try it.

916
00:56:54.580 --> 00:56:56.800
Now, y'all are two months in,

917
00:56:56.920 --> 00:56:58.840
it is time to bring him around community.

918
00:56:59.620 --> 00:57:01.580
It is time to bring him around other people

919
00:57:01.580 --> 00:57:05.400
so that they can, so that you can see what they think.

920
00:57:05.480 --> 00:57:06.860
It'd be good if you had some people

921
00:57:06.860 --> 00:57:08.620
that y'all could go out on a date with.

922
00:57:09.020 --> 00:57:12.260
Part of this equation is just you and him all the time.

923
00:57:12.340 --> 00:57:16.100
You need to be around other people, other relationships,

924
00:57:16.340 --> 00:57:17.660
go out with some married people

925
00:57:17.660 --> 00:57:19.700
so you can look at what you have and say,

926
00:57:19.860 --> 00:57:21.940
oh, could this be that?

927
00:57:22.700 --> 00:57:25.800
You don't have to be afraid that if I don't choose him,

928
00:57:26.080 --> 00:57:28.440
then it's gonna look like I had another failed relationship.

929
00:57:29.240 --> 00:57:30.520
That's not what it's gonna look like.

930
00:57:30.780 --> 00:57:31.580
You're dating somebody

931
00:57:31.580 --> 00:57:33.640
and then you're gonna bring him into your community.

932
00:57:33.960 --> 00:57:35.700
And yes, he's gonna come to church with you

933
00:57:35.700 --> 00:57:37.780
because y'all are almost three months in.

934
00:57:37.980 --> 00:57:40.180
And at some point, you're gonna have to go exclusive.

935
00:57:40.320 --> 00:57:41.660
You're not gonna be able to keep this up.

936
00:57:41.780 --> 00:57:42.500
You're gonna have to go exclusive

937
00:57:42.500 --> 00:57:43.740
or you're gonna have to part ways.

938
00:57:44.800 --> 00:57:46.340
Well, he already kind of said that.

939
00:57:46.480 --> 00:57:49.620
Like he's not, he said kind of something along that lines.

940
00:57:49.700 --> 00:57:51.740
Him and he got off Facebook immediately, the dating,

941
00:57:51.740 --> 00:57:53.640
and he's not dating anyone.

942
00:57:53.820 --> 00:57:55.920
And I said, well, and we talked about it.

943
00:57:55.920 --> 00:57:57.600
I said, I'm not dating anyone right now

944
00:57:57.600 --> 00:57:59.700
and I'm not really looking.

945
00:58:00.140 --> 00:58:02.420
And I think he thinks we are exclusive,

946
00:58:02.560 --> 00:58:04.140
but it didn't come out that way.

947
00:58:04.180 --> 00:58:06.260
Like, I think he's just like, well.

948
00:58:06.940 --> 00:58:07.520
Well, yeah.

949
00:58:08.180 --> 00:58:10.660
And you're looking at the time difference

950
00:58:11.700 --> 00:58:13.920
in men from his, in your age,

951
00:58:14.060 --> 00:58:16.060
like y'all don't just date, date, date.

952
00:58:16.180 --> 00:58:17.940
This is this new age thing.

953
00:58:17.960 --> 00:58:19.380
You date three, four people at a time.

954
00:58:19.700 --> 00:58:21.140
That's not how people do that.

955
00:58:21.140 --> 00:58:22.300
They find somebody they like

956
00:58:22.300 --> 00:58:25.380
and then men, they invest in it, invest in it.

957
00:58:25.520 --> 00:58:28.680
And so if your problem is receiving his kindness,

958
00:58:28.780 --> 00:58:30.080
let's do that first thing.

959
00:58:30.540 --> 00:58:31.800
Let's get community.

960
00:58:32.260 --> 00:58:34.600
Start doing lots of things in community

961
00:58:34.600 --> 00:58:37.640
so you can see how you all interact with people

962
00:58:37.640 --> 00:58:41.480
so people can see into your world and say to you,

963
00:58:41.880 --> 00:58:43.400
Kim, I think y'all look good together.

964
00:58:43.800 --> 00:58:45.940
Kim, I think he's a great one for you.

965
00:58:46.180 --> 00:58:48.120
You need to hear that.

966
00:58:48.220 --> 00:58:48.860
I'm telling you.

967
00:58:49.100 --> 00:58:49.640
Another confirmation.

968
00:58:50.240 --> 00:58:52.880
Yeah, it'll help your perspective about what you have.

969
00:58:53.300 --> 00:58:54.500
And you'll stop looking at it.

970
00:58:54.500 --> 00:58:56.400
I don't know if age is a big deal for you,

971
00:58:56.540 --> 00:58:58.340
but Kim, you could die in three years.

972
00:58:58.540 --> 00:58:59.160
This is the truth.

973
00:58:59.260 --> 00:59:01.800
I don't want you to, but you don't know your time.

974
00:59:01.980 --> 00:59:05.720
And so I just, I want you to let your guards down.

975
00:59:05.720 --> 00:59:07.560
It's not gonna cost you anything.

976
00:59:07.840 --> 00:59:11.200
He's our enough stop to let you know he's good people.

977
00:59:11.320 --> 00:59:13.640
You let him know you have sex when you're married.

978
00:59:13.840 --> 00:59:15.060
That's just how it works.

979
00:59:15.260 --> 00:59:17.420
And that's the end of that conversation.

980
00:59:17.420 --> 00:59:19.020
And bring in community.

981
00:59:19.220 --> 00:59:21.160
Y'all go to church and do what you love.

982
00:59:21.280 --> 00:59:22.120
You love church.

983
00:59:22.160 --> 00:59:24.120
You let him know this is part of my world.

984
00:59:24.400 --> 00:59:25.520
And if I'm gonna be with someone,

985
00:59:25.700 --> 00:59:27.620
this is what I want them to also be a part of.

986
00:59:27.660 --> 00:59:29.360
So it's time for you to start going to church with me

987
00:59:29.360 --> 00:59:31.060
so you can see this is something

988
00:59:31.060 --> 00:59:33.140
that you can realistically live out.

989
00:59:34.980 --> 00:59:35.380
Okay.

990
00:59:36.860 --> 00:59:37.660
Sounds good.

991
00:59:37.720 --> 00:59:38.360
Sounds good.

992
00:59:38.780 --> 00:59:39.180
Okay.

993
00:59:39.180 --> 00:59:40.180
I just needed to hear that.

994
00:59:40.360 --> 00:59:41.880
I needed to hear it from you.

995
00:59:42.660 --> 00:59:44.040
Kim, I like this.

996
00:59:44.200 --> 00:59:44.860
Thank you.

997
00:59:44.860 --> 00:59:46.060
It is.

998
00:59:47.000 --> 00:59:47.000


999
00:59:47.180 --> 00:59:47.880
Thanks, Ebony.

1000
00:59:49.020 --> 00:59:49.540
Okay.

1001
00:59:50.360 --> 00:59:51.480
Oh, Kim.

1002
00:59:51.700 --> 00:59:52.120
Ashley.

1003
00:59:53.520 --> 00:59:53.540
Okay.

1004
00:59:54.160 --> 00:59:54.940
I know.

1005
00:59:55.660 --> 00:59:56.660
Let me scroll back up.

1006
00:59:56.860 --> 00:59:57.520
I know.

1007
00:59:58.140 --> 00:59:59.360
I don't want y'all to feel cheated.

1008
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.980
But it's 8 o'clock now, 815 post wrap up.

1009
01:00:03.980 --> 01:00:05.260
We're moving to 820,

1010
01:00:05.340 --> 01:00:07.260
but we're going to keep our word tonight, okay?

1011
01:00:07.600 --> 01:00:09.760
Because I want you all to know that I honor your time,

1012
01:00:09.820 --> 01:00:12.120
and there are people that are getting on and I got to honor time.

1013
01:00:12.280 --> 01:00:13.520
So anyone stop talking, go Ashley.

1014
01:00:14.420 --> 01:00:18.240
We're going to split it between 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 women.

1015
01:00:18.600 --> 01:00:20.780
All right, got it. That's five minutes each,

1016
01:00:20.840 --> 01:00:22.540
and give me like a minute of your five.

1017
01:00:23.200 --> 01:00:25.200
I mean four, three. Go Ashley.

1018
01:00:26.360 --> 01:00:28.940
I think I mostly just had an update.

1019
01:00:31.200 --> 01:00:34.360
So I messaged earlier today on the post,

1020
01:00:34.500 --> 01:00:35.780
you texted back right away.

1021
01:00:35.880 --> 01:00:36.740
I was like, oh my gosh.

1022
01:00:37.220 --> 01:00:39.080
So for those who didn't see my post,

1023
01:00:40.120 --> 01:00:42.940
I went ahead and got on a dating app,

1024
01:00:43.160 --> 01:00:44.940
which I don't know,

1025
01:00:45.060 --> 01:00:46.620
people kept talking to me about it,

1026
01:00:47.320 --> 01:00:50.540
and I was telling my people like,

1027
01:00:50.720 --> 01:00:52.020
hey, hook me up, and nobody has.

1028
01:00:52.400 --> 01:00:54.120
I was like, okay, well, maybe I do want,

1029
01:00:54.120 --> 01:00:55.780
I don't know, so I did it.

1030
01:00:56.980 --> 01:01:01.440
I finally finished my profile on Sunday and had two matches today.

1031
01:01:01.480 --> 01:01:06.220
I hopped on at lunch and wound up getting matched with two people,

1032
01:01:06.580 --> 01:01:12.540
and they both messaged me back already before I left work.

1033
01:01:12.880 --> 01:01:15.000
So then I had time where I messaged them real

1034
01:01:15.020 --> 01:01:16.980
quick since I've been home tonight,

1035
01:01:17.000 --> 01:01:18.880
and one of them already messaged me back again now,

1036
01:01:18.880 --> 01:01:19.820
and I'm like, oh my goodness.

1037
01:01:19.820 --> 01:01:23.020
So I don't know.

1038
01:01:24.240 --> 01:01:25.400
So there's that.

1039
01:01:26.640 --> 01:01:31.620
I haven't, I've texted with Mr. Swing Dancer once in the last week.

1040
01:01:32.580 --> 01:01:35.620
He got upset at me, which is fine.

1041
01:01:35.940 --> 01:01:38.700
We're, swing dancing is not this Friday,

1042
01:01:38.840 --> 01:01:41.320
so I won't see him again until next Friday.

1043
01:01:41.900 --> 01:01:44.720
So, but I'm not, I'm fine.

1044
01:01:44.980 --> 01:01:47.340
We'll just see how dancing goes next Friday,

1045
01:01:47.340 --> 01:01:48.740
if he dances or not.

1046
01:01:48.740 --> 01:01:50.500
Whatever, either way is fine.

1047
01:01:54.700 --> 01:01:57.980
And I feel like there was one more thing that I was going to update.

1048
01:01:58.840 --> 01:02:01.820
Oh, I did finally text my sister,

1049
01:02:03.920 --> 01:02:07.240
and she just texted back and said something about,

1050
01:02:08.400 --> 01:02:11.200
like, thank you for the thoughtful response.

1051
01:02:14.840 --> 01:02:16.040
So, yeah.

1052
01:02:18.280 --> 01:02:21.060
And then I feel like I've had a couple other wins where I just,

1053
01:02:21.200 --> 01:02:22.720
like, have responded to her.

1054
01:02:23.000 --> 01:02:24.980
My mom has been, has been good.

1055
01:02:25.900 --> 01:02:29.200
And then I've had also at the same time, way on the other end,

1056
01:02:29.200 --> 01:02:31.200
I've been, like, really high this week and then really,

1057
01:02:31.500 --> 01:02:34.600
like, crashed, like, snapping at my kids.

1058
01:02:34.940 --> 01:02:37.060
Or, you know, yesterday was real hard at work.

1059
01:02:37.120 --> 01:02:38.800
It was not a good day at work yesterday.

1060
01:02:39.000 --> 01:02:44.520
I was feeling very offended by my boss,

1061
01:02:44.520 --> 01:02:45.880
like, the head boss lady.

1062
01:02:45.980 --> 01:02:46.460
I don't know.

1063
01:02:46.560 --> 01:02:49.520
It's not a very straight hierarchy like it was in the military.

1064
01:02:49.780 --> 01:02:50.540
So, it's weird.

1065
01:02:54.820 --> 01:03:01.560
And then fun stuff, not fun, going on with my ex and parenting coordinator

1066
01:03:01.560 --> 01:03:04.880
and just, like, threatening, like, oh, I'm going to make this recommendation.

1067
01:03:05.000 --> 01:03:08.880
And I'm like, yeah, I'm like, you don't get to tell me what to do.

1068
01:03:08.900 --> 01:03:10.680
Like, I don't, it just makes me mad.

1069
01:03:10.720 --> 01:03:11.520
And so, I was offended.

1070
01:03:12.180 --> 01:03:16.820
So, God woke me up at, like, 2.30 this morning to knock that one out

1071
01:03:19.440 --> 01:03:21.760
and responded, which was good today.

1072
01:03:22.120 --> 01:03:26.800
So, just more noticing offenses coming up yesterday was a big thing.

1073
01:03:27.260 --> 01:03:30.460
And so, yeah, those are all the things.

1074
01:03:30.800 --> 01:03:34.400
A real quick little blurb there.

1075
01:03:34.460 --> 01:03:35.900
Actually, I'm excited for you.

1076
01:03:36.020 --> 01:03:38.960
I wish you can see the way you changed from my first time.

1077
01:03:39.580 --> 01:03:42.680
Like, you're just so open and so lively.

1078
01:03:42.900 --> 01:03:43.140
I'm excited.

1079
01:03:43.500 --> 01:03:44.380
I'm so glad you talked.

1080
01:03:44.480 --> 01:03:47.560
Your sister responded, you responded to your sister, your sister responded back.

1081
01:03:47.660 --> 01:03:49.280
And that you're dating some other guys.

1082
01:03:49.320 --> 01:03:51.140
I can see life coming in you.

1083
01:03:51.800 --> 01:03:54.080
It seemed like you feel safe with yourself.

1084
01:03:55.140 --> 01:04:01.080
Yeah, I think hearing you mention the autonomy, that was really big.

1085
01:04:01.580 --> 01:04:05.400
And I don't know what it, I don't know if I did anything specifically

1086
01:04:05.400 --> 01:04:08.560
or if it was just that, just recognizing that.

1087
01:04:08.560 --> 01:04:13.900
But I feel like that, it just, like, helped break a dam.

1088
01:04:14.100 --> 01:04:15.880
Like, it just broke things down.

1089
01:04:16.060 --> 01:04:18.300
And I also had a sozo on Saturday.

1090
01:04:18.920 --> 01:04:23.200
So, there was, I saw walls coming down as well on Saturday, so.

1091
01:04:23.720 --> 01:04:24.640
And I've been praying.

1092
01:04:25.020 --> 01:04:26.320
So, prayer changed it, really.

1093
01:04:27.320 --> 01:04:29.280
Yes, prayers are always helpful.

1094
01:04:29.820 --> 01:04:30.160
Yes.

1095
01:04:31.100 --> 01:04:31.620
Yay.

1096
01:04:31.980 --> 01:04:32.780
Good for you.

1097
01:04:32.900 --> 01:04:34.920
Keep us updated on the conversations.

1098
01:04:35.440 --> 01:04:35.720
Yeah.

1099
01:04:35.720 --> 01:04:38.720
And then I did ask a question earlier in the group.

1100
01:04:39.320 --> 01:04:42.200
Carla didn't make it to it, which is so interesting that it came

1101
01:04:42.200 --> 01:04:44.560
up tonight with the age difference.

1102
01:04:44.740 --> 01:04:47.280
Because on the, oh, the app is Arc.

1103
01:04:48.500 --> 01:04:52.540
It's through, we can actually get it to it through our resource page.

1104
01:04:53.480 --> 01:04:57.140
But they automatically did 10 years younger and 10 years older.

1105
01:04:57.300 --> 01:04:59.980
And I'm like, I just, I was like, 10.

1106
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.000
years younger I know Nikki and Kim that's both different you know more than that but I'm like I

1107
01:05:07.180 --> 01:05:13.260
just age difference like I everybody just figures out their own where they're comfortable I would

1108
01:05:13.400 --> 01:05:20.020
assume yeah what's whatever you're comfortable with it just 10 just seems like a lot to me

1109
01:05:20.020 --> 01:05:28.400
younger than me and more than 10 I'm only 19 young let's don't do not seeing young maybe

1110
01:05:28.400 --> 01:05:35.200
maybe you may want to do five or seven five or four young it's up to you you can do that I can't

1111
01:05:35.200 --> 01:05:42.020
make that decision for you I can only tell you my preference yeah you know so yeah that's what

1112
01:05:42.020 --> 01:05:46.640
Jackie says look at the season that you're in thank you so much Kim that's what you okay

1113
01:05:47.200 --> 01:05:53.820
Jackson says look it is based on okay that's good that's good I like that I like that that's that's

1114
01:05:53.820 --> 01:05:59.540
helpful super helpful and I'm not doing more than eight years older than me because then they're

1115
01:05:59.540 --> 01:06:07.220
kind of closer to my mom's age and that's just weird okay yeah no I totally understand

1116
01:06:09.480 --> 01:06:15.680
okay okay all right so that's all the things thanks you're welcome go for it Jeannie

1117
01:06:16.660 --> 01:06:24.600
hello it's been a while since I've been on yeah so um I was talking to somebody on the phone for

1118
01:06:24.600 --> 01:06:30.160
about six weeks and then met up a couple of times but definitely the love bomber definitely vetted

1119
01:06:30.160 --> 01:06:36.760
him out for a while like you had said um he wasn't actively going to church and then he was trying to

1120
01:06:36.760 --> 01:06:41.520
go to church thereafter but I just feel like he was just trying to adorn me with gifts and

1121
01:06:42.240 --> 01:06:48.140
and his character just seemed pressure he's pressuring me a lot so I ended that I ended

1122
01:06:48.140 --> 01:06:56.260
up starting the ARC dating app per the resources I haven't really had a lot of success um I live

1123
01:06:56.260 --> 01:07:05.020
in the state of Michigan maybe it's not popular um and the limitations are 220 miles 34 to 48 and

1124
01:07:05.940 --> 01:07:12.400
so um went on this the speed dating on Sunday again there wasn't anybody in my area so

1125
01:07:13.200 --> 01:07:19.280
um just kind of need help navigating is there's a different app I just need to be patient what

1126
01:07:19.280 --> 01:07:26.920
are your thoughts I think I would definitely try a different app ARC new and I've been on there

1127
01:07:26.920 --> 01:07:32.000
before I didn't go on there for me I went on there when it first came out with our partnership to see

1128
01:07:32.000 --> 01:07:40.820
what it was like so I could help navigate it but um it wasn't okay it was sucky to me okay yeah it

1129
01:07:40.820 --> 01:07:47.880
was sucky it was not good at all okay and so I would try another one I've always had really good

1130
01:07:47.880 --> 01:07:51.660
success and so many people but it may not be the case for you if you don't have a Facebook page

1131
01:07:51.660 --> 01:07:59.440
but Facebook is very I like Facebook dating and it's free okay do you have a Facebook account

1132
01:07:59.440 --> 01:08:05.800
I do I just I'm really busy I don't do a lot of Facebook at all if anything just messenger

1133
01:08:05.940 --> 01:08:12.840
and I guess the side note is being a medical provider I feel like I don't want my personal

1134
01:08:13.040 --> 01:08:18.420
stuff on blast because I see a lot of patients and I can go to the grocery store and run into

1135
01:08:18.420 --> 01:08:23.779
them so why wouldn't I run into them in a dating so if there's more of a I guess

1136
01:08:25.420 --> 01:08:32.840
less trafficked dating site that has quality I'd be more apt to that than just like a Facebook

1137
01:08:33.140 --> 01:08:39.479
uh dating yeah well ladies if you put in the comments what dating apps you've had

1138
01:08:39.479 --> 01:08:46.180
this with um yeah it doesn't connect to your profile but I guess you were just saying um

1139
01:08:46.180 --> 01:08:49.899
they're posting some things uh okay and it doesn't connect to your

1140
01:08:49.899 --> 01:08:57.640
profile okay so I could just okay well I'm just curious when you set it up and you go in the app

1141
01:08:57.640 --> 01:09:03.120
it's going to be a little hard at the bottom okay you click on that heart to go to Facebook dating

1142
01:09:03.779 --> 01:09:11.439
okay but it will show the guy or you will see for the person if they're friends with somebody that

1143
01:09:11.439 --> 01:09:19.500
you know now what I do with you if they friend with somebody that I know till I find them and

1144
01:09:19.500 --> 01:09:25.760
then they page okay because I'm like oh they know somebody I know it makes me feel safe because

1145
01:09:25.760 --> 01:09:31.960
it's like oh I know somebody who knows right okay yeah but they they're loading it down to you to do

1146
01:09:31.960 --> 01:09:40.060
yeah I totally do that okay yeah great thank you that's all I had you're welcome okay um

1147
01:09:41.100 --> 01:09:48.660
I told Sarah to raise her hand um Sarah did you get my um post my response back to you

1148
01:09:49.380 --> 01:09:56.420
yes thank you I saw it and today was just it's been a crazy day but um I just haven't

1149
01:09:56.420 --> 01:09:59.980
had a chance to think through and respond yet but I really do appreciate your

1150
01:10:00.540 --> 01:10:04.200
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you definitely don't have to respond, I just want to make sure

1151
01:10:04.200 --> 01:10:05.280
you see it.

1152
01:10:05.500 --> 01:10:08.660
I'm going to say this, Sarah had an instance, and you can check it out.

1153
01:10:09.440 --> 01:10:13.920
I want all you ladies, if you get a chance to go check out her post, and the reason why

1154
01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:18.340
I want you to, because this is a very common thing that can happen, especially within your

1155
01:10:18.420 --> 01:10:23.320
church community, or when you start sharing things, and somebody was just making comments

1156
01:10:23.320 --> 01:10:29.860
about her not being married yet, or you know, about, you know, somebody posted the exact

1157
01:10:29.860 --> 01:10:31.440
same thing you did from their church.

1158
01:10:31.560 --> 01:10:32.040
I saw that.

1159
01:10:33.760 --> 01:10:35.520
A bad Sunday, I guess.

1160
01:10:35.880 --> 01:10:43.680
I want you guys to be mindful of who you allow to speak with authority in your life, and

1161
01:10:43.680 --> 01:10:46.940
let them have something to back up what they're sharing with you.

1162
01:10:47.000 --> 01:10:49.260
Like how many kingdom marriages have they put together?

1163
01:10:49.620 --> 01:10:51.820
How many dates did they go on before they got married?

1164
01:10:51.820 --> 01:10:53.660
What did they do in their dating process?

1165
01:10:53.880 --> 01:10:54.920
How healthy was it?

1166
01:10:55.280 --> 01:10:58.920
What did it look like when they, and how time conscious were their marriage?

1167
01:10:59.200 --> 01:10:59.980
How healthy were they?

1168
01:11:00.280 --> 01:11:01.380
Do they communicate well?

1169
01:11:01.660 --> 01:11:05.760
What do they have to show you to prove to you that their system of like, at home and

1170
01:11:05.760 --> 01:11:08.480
waiting on an Amazon package to come to their door for a husband?

1171
01:11:08.540 --> 01:11:10.300
They laying down beside a man every night.

1172
01:11:10.920 --> 01:11:13.420
Like, so like, what program have they put together?

1173
01:11:13.580 --> 01:11:14.420
What have they seen?

1174
01:11:15.180 --> 01:11:19.960
You have to bear these things in mind when you expect everybody to understand, because

1175
01:11:19.960 --> 01:11:23.200
everybody's not going to understand, and you're not looking for them to understand.

1176
01:11:23.680 --> 01:11:28.360
And then you have to know when they start talking, just how to put those things in perspective.

1177
01:11:28.540 --> 01:11:32.860
And so I want you to check out what I share with her, because you have to have a perspective,

1178
01:11:32.980 --> 01:11:38.340
and you don't have to prove yourself to people, but having a perspective will serve you best.

1179
01:11:38.440 --> 01:11:42.520
And it's going to help guard your heart, because if you don't have perspective, and you've

1180
01:11:42.520 --> 01:11:45.840
given them a seat of authority, they're going to harm your heart.

1181
01:11:45.840 --> 01:11:51.020
You're going to become offended, which absolutely does some harm to your own heart when you

1182
01:11:51.020 --> 01:11:53.600
harbor offense, because offense leads to bitterness.

1183
01:11:54.160 --> 01:11:58.140
But then you sit in your doubt, because you're already on the fence about if God is going

1184
01:11:58.140 --> 01:11:58.840
to do it or not.

1185
01:11:59.160 --> 01:12:02.960
And then when you hear what they got to say, and you've given them authority, you said

1186
01:12:02.960 --> 01:12:07.200
they know more than you know, or more than the program that you're in, or you fight to

1187
01:12:07.200 --> 01:12:10.580
try to get them to understand something they're not going to understand, because they've never

1188
01:12:10.580 --> 01:12:12.340
believed God this way for a spouse.

1189
01:12:12.440 --> 01:12:14.340
They never walked this journey before.

1190
01:12:14.340 --> 01:12:17.200
And so that's the conundrum that you have.

1191
01:12:17.580 --> 01:12:21.240
And so then you just have to know how to navigate that, because it's going to come up again,

1192
01:12:21.240 --> 01:12:23.040
because it's just a part of the process.

1193
01:12:23.180 --> 01:12:31.480
And what it does, it helps to make us resilient, and become more grounded in what we are believing

1194
01:12:31.480 --> 01:12:37.460
the Lord for, why we believe Him for, why have we chosen to partner with Him, and what

1195
01:12:37.460 --> 01:12:38.480
do we really believe?

1196
01:12:39.160 --> 01:12:39.420
Yes.

1197
01:12:39.920 --> 01:12:40.280
Yeah.

1198
01:12:40.480 --> 01:12:41.180
You are right.

1199
01:12:41.180 --> 01:12:46.780
And I don't want to, at some point, I want to talk to you about how, not to, it doesn't

1200
01:12:46.780 --> 01:12:51.800
have to be tonight, I know we're low on time, but it made me realize, and you saying that

1201
01:12:51.800 --> 01:12:55.380
just now too, how often I think everybody else knows better than me.

1202
01:12:55.380 --> 01:13:00.960
And so I do let anybody speak into my life, and it's somebody who, you know, I've already

1203
01:13:00.960 --> 01:13:05.300
had problems with this person in the past, but I still in my mind think they know better

1204
01:13:05.300 --> 01:13:05.940
than me.

1205
01:13:05.940 --> 01:13:12.320
And, but when I really stop and think about it, it kind of makes me sad that her thinking

1206
01:13:12.320 --> 01:13:14.820
is so small, sad for her.

1207
01:13:16.260 --> 01:13:21.060
But, so, but it is hard to come out of agreement with it when it's something deep down, I kind

1208
01:13:21.060 --> 01:13:22.340
of already believe.

1209
01:13:23.320 --> 01:13:23.620
Mm-hmm.

1210
01:13:23.640 --> 01:13:25.540
That's why it struck such a chord.

1211
01:13:25.600 --> 01:13:30.660
And I think you said it in your comment, ruffled my feathers, and it did, I had my hackles

1212
01:13:30.660 --> 01:13:32.140
up and was like, what?

1213
01:13:32.140 --> 01:13:34.740
So it was hard.

1214
01:13:34.760 --> 01:13:36.180
It was hard and it was frustrating.

1215
01:13:36.880 --> 01:13:45.200
But if anything, I think it shows me how much help my church needs in the area of singles

1216
01:13:45.700 --> 01:13:47.120
and ministering to singles.

1217
01:13:47.140 --> 01:13:49.600
And it's something I want to help do at some point.

1218
01:13:50.520 --> 01:13:55.140
And God has been putting, helping me see, and I've had new friendships at this church

1219
01:13:55.140 --> 01:13:56.600
of singles who are my age.

1220
01:13:56.600 --> 01:14:03.100
And so like, I feel like he's doing a work, but I'm getting, there's still a lot to work

1221
01:14:03.100 --> 01:14:06.800
out in me and I'm getting hurt and poked during the process, but.

1222
01:14:07.540 --> 01:14:07.720
Yeah.

1223
01:14:07.960 --> 01:14:08.740
It'll be all right.

1224
01:14:09.340 --> 01:14:09.640
Yeah.

1225
01:14:09.640 --> 01:14:15.240
You will, ruffing, ruff when your feathers are ruffled, it sends the clue, it sends the

1226
01:14:15.240 --> 01:14:16.860
signal to you that you're growing.

1227
01:14:17.680 --> 01:14:23.020
God comes to shake stuff out of us so that all the drawers could come up to the top and

1228
01:14:23.020 --> 01:14:25.120
what is there is the refinement.

1229
01:14:25.120 --> 01:14:27.360
It's the goal that's left there.

1230
01:14:27.680 --> 01:14:32.420
He has to get all of that unbelief and doubt out of you so that you can get to the promised

1231
01:14:32.420 --> 01:14:32.800
land.

1232
01:14:33.300 --> 01:14:34.580
This stuff has to come out.

1233
01:14:35.140 --> 01:14:37.780
You can't rest until the doubt and unbelief is out.

1234
01:14:37.840 --> 01:14:41.540
The Bible says that a double minded man is unstable in all of his ways.

1235
01:14:41.960 --> 01:14:43.840
And so God comes to ruffle us.

1236
01:14:44.200 --> 01:14:46.840
So will you, uh, what are we going to pray for you about?

1237
01:14:46.940 --> 01:14:50.820
I'll just talk to ruff, post in the comments what you want me to pray about, like to shake

1238
01:14:50.820 --> 01:14:54.580
all this doubt and unbelief so we can make, so we can make it there.

1239
01:14:54.580 --> 01:14:55.860
He knows it is there.

1240
01:14:55.960 --> 01:14:59.700
It's not upset with you that is there, but he comes to ruffle stuff up, let stuff happen.

1241
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:09.580
to see what's there and be like okay oh i see i see what she did me okay okay yeah yeah so take

1242
01:15:09.580 --> 01:15:15.580
it in stride it's for you thank you you're welcome thank you kathleen it's so good to see you girl i

1243
01:15:15.580 --> 01:15:29.260
thought you was in phase three uh i i think i am but i i i didn't know how like i don't know the

1244
01:15:29.260 --> 01:15:36.260
qualifications or the classification so i didn't want to if you could clarify that but yes i am

1245
01:15:36.260 --> 01:15:43.020
off that i'm off the dating apps and i've been seeing this man for it's been four weeks now

1246
01:15:47.580 --> 01:15:50.800
let me get a heart let me get a heart let me get a heart

1247
01:15:51.940 --> 01:15:56.480
really no when i said phase three i was saying i thought you transitioned to last year's single

1248
01:15:56.480 --> 01:16:01.740
i didn't know you were still in um this phase of the program that's what i mean i didn't know that

1249
01:16:01.740 --> 01:16:07.660
i was supposed to move i don't know what i don't know what it means to move or like i i didn't get

1250
01:16:07.660 --> 01:16:13.160
the i didn't get the memo like oh we're when you're in a committed relationship move no no no

1251
01:16:13.160 --> 01:16:18.280
that's not what i'm saying you're so are you no no no no i thought you had already sent an email

1252
01:16:18.280 --> 01:16:25.240
and asked admin to move you over because i haven't seen you in so long no i've just been busy i i

1253
01:16:25.240 --> 01:16:33.080
i probably i probably not made maybe from your perspective not a wise choice but i needed to do

1254
01:16:33.080 --> 01:16:43.560
it for me i um traveled cross-country with him last week um because i i needed to know all the

1255
01:16:43.560 --> 01:16:58.340
a bad a bad abuse right and so being in a non-curated hard situation um like in a moving

1256
01:16:58.340 --> 01:17:04.160
truck for 10 hours a day like you you have you you're sequestered you have to talk and you have

1257
01:17:04.600 --> 01:17:13.540
to you know and i noticed okay for myself i'm like and yes i had a separate sleeping arrangements and

1258
01:17:13.540 --> 01:17:17.000
i had a separate bed and i had a separate shower and all of it it's all good but i i okay is there

1259
01:17:17.000 --> 01:17:23.840
an airport in oklahoma city okay then the next day okay is there an airport in you know flagstaff

1260
01:17:23.840 --> 01:17:29.260
or wherever we were like every day i was like okay i got it i got it i got it i got to run i got to

1261
01:17:29.260 --> 01:17:34.760
run i got to run and then noticing okay no it's not about how he's treating me it's not about it's

1262
01:17:34.760 --> 01:17:44.140
me not receiving so i learned it was so enlightening about me yeah but he was wonderful

1263
01:17:44.200 --> 01:17:49.940
he at every step of the way he made sure i was comfortable and felt safe and we had amazing

1264
01:17:50.500 --> 01:17:56.440
conversations and i got to see i got to see the good bad and the ugly and i'm not and i still like

1265
01:17:56.680 --> 01:18:04.220
him well good good well i'm glad you met somebody that you like you like him up to get in the truck

1266
01:18:04.220 --> 01:18:12.160
and go across the world with him that's i would have never expected that me neither but i i sat

1267
01:18:12.160 --> 01:18:18.040
with it with the lord and i the lord i just felt like the lord said if you want to do it do it

1268
01:18:18.540 --> 01:18:24.760
yeah well you did it and you're back safe and you learned a lot and i'm glad you enjoyed them

1269
01:18:24.820 --> 01:18:32.540
and so well good so have y'all are y'all looking at where y'all y'all tell me more about maria

1270
01:18:32.540 --> 01:18:40.500
is he marriage minded is he yeah he would he he's already talked he he talks about our future

1271
01:18:40.500 --> 01:18:53.220
like the weather okay um he's very uh empathic intuitive it it's it's like we're connected

1272
01:18:53.220 --> 01:18:58.940
like our spirits know each other um that's the only way i can describe it

1273
01:19:00.740 --> 01:19:06.300
um super easy to be with just there's an understanding between us

1274
01:19:08.020 --> 01:19:16.460
um we've had some disagreements but he's a really great communicator and very reasonable um

1275
01:19:19.100 --> 01:19:21.940
i feel safe with him i think that's the biggest

1276
01:19:22.860 --> 01:19:27.480
the biggest thing he's used the the words like kim had talked about he's said the words

1277
01:19:29.780 --> 01:19:37.640
and i'm just not there yet i and i'm i'm figuring i have to figure out what do i need because he he

1278
01:19:37.640 --> 01:19:43.900
checks all my boxes he does he checks all my boxes what i have to figure out am i okay with

1279
01:19:45.540 --> 01:19:50.220
leaving my singleness if a man just

1280
01:19:53.600 --> 01:19:59.980
like loves like loves and adores me because that's what i feel like i feel like

1281
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.480
Like, he just loves and adores me.

1282
01:20:04.000 --> 01:20:04.340
Yeah.

1283
01:20:04.960 --> 01:20:07.060
So y'all are four weeks in?

1284
01:20:08.940 --> 01:20:13.920
I say that's too soon for him to know if he loves me.

1285
01:20:14.920 --> 01:20:17.880
Well, it's not about if it's too soon for him to know or not,

1286
01:20:18.740 --> 01:20:23.400
because people base love on different things, right?

1287
01:20:23.400 --> 01:20:29.500
So somebody could say they love you if, so it's not about that.

1288
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:33.540
It doesn't matter about if it's too soon for him or not.

1289
01:20:33.540 --> 01:20:35.620
He's responsible for his own emotional health.

1290
01:20:36.220 --> 01:20:37.400
You're responsible for yours.

1291
01:20:37.860 --> 01:20:41.840
So the reason why it's good that you don't feel that way

1292
01:20:41.840 --> 01:20:44.220
because you don't know him.

1293
01:20:44.460 --> 01:20:46.260
You're 30 days in.

1294
01:20:47.780 --> 01:20:49.980
So that means the fact that you say,

1295
01:20:50.020 --> 01:20:53.040
well, I don't really quite feel that way yet, that is healthy.

1296
01:20:55.000 --> 01:20:57.680
You can feel something, but it doesn't necessarily

1297
01:20:57.680 --> 01:20:58.500
have to be love.

1298
01:20:58.500 --> 01:21:00.140
Because the truth is, some of these things

1299
01:21:00.140 --> 01:21:01.420
are built over time.

1300
01:21:01.620 --> 01:21:03.080
So he feels something.

1301
01:21:03.640 --> 01:21:06.080
He identified that something he feels is love.

1302
01:21:06.880 --> 01:21:10.060
You feel something you haven't identified as love,

1303
01:21:10.120 --> 01:21:11.620
but you do like him a lot.

1304
01:21:11.720 --> 01:21:13.440
And you do feel safe with him.

1305
01:21:13.560 --> 01:21:15.840
And you do have all these wonderful things

1306
01:21:15.840 --> 01:21:17.060
that you feel about him.

1307
01:21:17.160 --> 01:21:19.240
And it's OK that you're not there yet

1308
01:21:19.240 --> 01:21:20.600
and you shouldn't be there yet.

1309
01:21:20.940 --> 01:21:23.120
And it's OK if he wants to be there,

1310
01:21:23.140 --> 01:21:25.400
because you don't have to evaluate what he feels

1311
01:21:25.400 --> 01:21:26.540
and why he feels it.

1312
01:21:27.160 --> 01:21:28.420
Does that make sense?

1313
01:21:29.420 --> 01:21:30.300
Yeah, perfect.

1314
01:21:30.380 --> 01:21:34.200
Yeah, so just keep and just tell him, thank you.

1315
01:21:35.820 --> 01:21:36.820
I'm not there yet.

1316
01:21:36.820 --> 01:21:38.380
And you don't have to be concerned with saying

1317
01:21:38.380 --> 01:21:39.380
that you're not there yet.

1318
01:21:39.380 --> 01:21:41.400
But thanks for letting me know that's how you feel.

1319
01:21:41.780 --> 01:21:44.160
I can tell you that when I'm with you, I feel safe.

1320
01:21:44.540 --> 01:21:46.040
I can tell you that you're funny.

1321
01:21:46.180 --> 01:21:48.720
I can tell you that I'm enjoying this experience with you.

1322
01:21:48.900 --> 01:21:50.000
Like you can say that.

1323
01:21:50.240 --> 01:21:52.180
But I say give him more time.

1324
01:21:53.300 --> 01:21:53.820
Pace yourself.

1325
01:21:55.120 --> 01:21:58.620
What you feel today, you may not feel on month three.

1326
01:22:00.280 --> 01:22:01.740
I know it may be hard to believe,

1327
01:22:02.100 --> 01:22:03.700
but you get to know a person better.

1328
01:22:03.880 --> 01:22:05.200
You get to evaluate them more.

1329
01:22:05.320 --> 01:22:06.540
You get to appreciate them more.

1330
01:22:06.940 --> 01:22:09.240
You get to swap things around, put different feelings

1331
01:22:09.240 --> 01:22:10.160
in different places.

1332
01:22:10.420 --> 01:22:12.200
Doesn't mean anything is going to disappear.

1333
01:22:12.360 --> 01:22:14.020
It doesn't mean that anything is going to hang.

1334
01:22:14.140 --> 01:22:15.980
But it could mean you come up a greater value,

1335
01:22:16.040 --> 01:22:17.300
that you value them more.

1336
01:22:17.820 --> 01:22:19.380
It could be that, right?

1337
01:22:19.380 --> 01:22:21.720
And so it's just the dynamics of time.

1338
01:22:21.720 --> 01:22:25.220
And so I think that's exciting if you

1339
01:22:25.360 --> 01:22:28.220
let time help guide the ship.

1340
01:22:29.740 --> 01:22:31.640
Because unless you're going to get married tomorrow,

1341
01:22:32.100 --> 01:22:34.940
then you should take time.

1342
01:22:36.000 --> 01:22:38.220
And if you, and yeah.

1343
01:22:38.300 --> 01:22:42.500
And so yeah, you should give it some time.

1344
01:22:42.780 --> 01:22:45.540
Let's see what it looks like.

1345
01:22:45.800 --> 01:22:47.280
Have y'all gone exclusive yet?

1346
01:22:47.280 --> 01:22:48.420
I don't know if I asked you that.

1347
01:22:49.060 --> 01:22:51.520
Yeah, like, yeah.

1348
01:22:51.900 --> 01:22:52.900
When did y'all go exclusive?

1349
01:22:53.740 --> 01:22:55.280
Like, day three.

1350
01:22:56.360 --> 01:22:56.640
Why?

1351
01:23:02.620 --> 01:23:04.060
Because, because.

1352
01:23:05.100 --> 01:23:06.620
You could just say what it is.

1353
01:23:06.980 --> 01:23:07.900
Like, because what?

1354
01:23:09.620 --> 01:23:12.360
Because I felt it in my, I felt it.

1355
01:23:12.720 --> 01:23:14.020
You felt it in your spirit?

1356
01:23:14.280 --> 01:23:15.080
I did.

1357
01:23:15.080 --> 01:23:17.360
And what did that feel like?

1358
01:23:21.840 --> 01:23:29.840
Like a settledness, a groundedness, a, a.

1359
01:23:36.360 --> 01:23:36.960
Yeah?

1360
01:23:37.780 --> 01:23:40.320
You feel like, did you have feelings of like,

1361
01:23:40.320 --> 01:23:41.320
I think he's the one?

1362
01:23:43.100 --> 01:23:43.700
Yeah.

1363
01:23:44.300 --> 01:23:44.580
Yeah?

1364
01:23:44.820 --> 01:23:48.800
Or did you have feelings like, OK, he wants to do this.

1365
01:23:49.160 --> 01:23:49.580
I know.

1366
01:23:50.120 --> 01:23:51.980
I want to invest and see where it goes.

1367
01:23:52.400 --> 01:23:55.540
It wasn't about what he wanted to do.

1368
01:23:55.700 --> 01:24:03.340
It was about what I was, he, he, he said, I'm done looking.

1369
01:24:03.500 --> 01:24:05.500
I'm, I'm done looking.

1370
01:24:07.000 --> 01:24:08.680
I, I'm done looking.

1371
01:24:08.800 --> 01:24:12.860
And then the more I slept on it, I thought about,

1372
01:24:12.860 --> 01:24:14.500
I'm like, there's no reason for me

1373
01:24:14.500 --> 01:24:22.500
to be entertaining anybody else if this is potentially

1374
01:24:22.520 --> 01:24:23.560
something real.

1375
01:24:24.840 --> 01:24:27.420
So I don't, I think it was, I think

1376
01:24:27.420 --> 01:24:32.340
it's worth investing in the one person.

1377
01:24:33.120 --> 01:24:33.460
Right.

1378
01:24:33.460 --> 01:24:35.400
So it was the, so it was what I just said.

1379
01:24:35.440 --> 01:24:37.540
You felt that this was worth the investment.

1380
01:24:38.300 --> 01:24:38.820
Yes.

1381
01:24:39.080 --> 01:24:39.600
Right.

1382
01:24:39.800 --> 01:24:40.960
So, OK.

1383
01:24:41.680 --> 01:24:43.920
And I'm not typically, I know this,

1384
01:24:44.000 --> 01:24:46.260
I know this is, this sounds really strange,

1385
01:24:46.640 --> 01:24:50.020
but I don't get, I'm not typically

1386
01:24:51.680 --> 01:24:55.420
attracted to your typical man.

1387
01:24:56.520 --> 01:24:59.980
That you have to have like.

1388
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.140
Like, if you are more intelligent than me,

1389
01:25:03.180 --> 01:25:05.260
that is like super attractive to me.

1390
01:25:05.680 --> 01:25:12.560
And I need that because I'm more intelligent than the average.

1391
01:25:12.820 --> 01:25:14.860
And so I need the intellectual stimulation.

1392
01:25:15.620 --> 01:25:16.560
And he was that.

1393
01:25:16.780 --> 01:25:19.940
And I was like, wow.

1394
01:25:20.880 --> 01:25:23.300
I was attracted to that.

1395
01:25:24.240 --> 01:25:28.960
And I thought he was hot, which is so not,

1396
01:25:28.960 --> 01:25:32.580
that is not who I am because I'm very in my head.

1397
01:25:32.860 --> 01:25:33.620
I'm very logical.

1398
01:25:35.300 --> 01:25:38.780
And but for me to be thinking that, I'm like, whoa.

1399
01:25:38.780 --> 01:25:40.020
What is that?

1400
01:25:40.440 --> 01:25:42.360
So I'm like, OK, let's see about it.

1401
01:25:43.000 --> 01:25:43.200
Yeah.

1402
01:25:43.640 --> 01:25:44.180
OK.

1403
01:25:44.220 --> 01:25:44.720
I don't know.

1404
01:25:44.880 --> 01:25:45.400
I don't know.

1405
01:25:45.820 --> 01:25:46.240
Yeah.

1406
01:25:46.420 --> 01:25:48.140
Well, I'll tell you what.

1407
01:25:48.760 --> 01:25:51.920
I'm excited to see where this is going to go now.

1408
01:25:55.520 --> 01:25:58.020
Of course, you know, I wouldn't encourage anyone

1409
01:25:58.020 --> 01:25:59.560
to go exclusive at three days.

1410
01:26:00.300 --> 01:26:03.300
I believe that everything is worth counting up the cost.

1411
01:26:04.560 --> 01:26:08.280
I don't even believe that there is, not necessarily.

1412
01:26:09.000 --> 01:26:13.940
I believe that there's a, if I had to be with scripture

1413
01:26:13.940 --> 01:26:15.860
and say what God was leading me, he

1414
01:26:15.860 --> 01:26:18.000
said even before you accept Christ,

1415
01:26:18.060 --> 01:26:19.240
you should count up the cost.

1416
01:26:19.500 --> 01:26:22.300
And so I believe that in everything that we invest in,

1417
01:26:22.320 --> 01:26:23.740
there's a counting of cost.

1418
01:26:23.840 --> 01:26:26.780
And I believe that if we arrive at a place too soon,

1419
01:26:26.780 --> 01:26:29.520
it's because the components that we were putting in

1420
01:26:30.300 --> 01:26:31.980
sped things up.

1421
01:26:32.640 --> 01:26:36.800
And so it takes something to get that level of momentum.

1422
01:26:37.880 --> 01:26:40.140
And so that means I had to talk a lot more.

1423
01:26:40.460 --> 01:26:42.020
I had to spend more time.

1424
01:26:42.440 --> 01:26:44.740
You don't gather momentum like that

1425
01:26:44.740 --> 01:26:46.700
without investing in something, just

1426
01:26:46.700 --> 01:26:50.020
like you don't gather a pacing without a level of investment.

1427
01:26:50.200 --> 01:26:53.400
So it's what we put in that produces something within us.

1428
01:26:53.400 --> 01:26:57.620
And dating feels so good.

1429
01:26:57.820 --> 01:26:59.260
And it feels so right.

1430
01:26:59.380 --> 01:27:01.040
And there are a lot of feels in it.

1431
01:27:01.060 --> 01:27:03.220
And they can be assigned to a lot of things.

1432
01:27:04.400 --> 01:27:07.780
I always, always, always err on the side of pacing.

1433
01:27:08.260 --> 01:27:12.560
And so I'm excited for your journey.

1434
01:27:13.720 --> 01:27:14.980
That's not going to change it.

1435
01:27:14.980 --> 01:27:16.520
I believe all things need to be paced.

1436
01:27:16.620 --> 01:27:19.760
And so we'll see what it looks like.

1437
01:27:19.760 --> 01:27:23.560
I'm just, I think it's cute for you.

1438
01:27:23.900 --> 01:27:24.820
I'm excited.

1439
01:27:25.040 --> 01:27:25.860
You think I'm crazy?

1440
01:27:26.600 --> 01:27:28.920
I said that's cute for you.

1441
01:27:29.160 --> 01:27:30.740
I know, but do you think I'm crazy?

1442
01:27:31.740 --> 01:27:33.960
No, I do not think that you're crazy.

1443
01:27:34.140 --> 01:27:36.720
I think that you should pace.

1444
01:27:37.240 --> 01:27:40.420
And I think that in due time, in a season,

1445
01:27:40.960 --> 01:27:42.540
everything that you believe about him

1446
01:27:42.540 --> 01:27:45.360
is either going to blossom and become beautiful,

1447
01:27:45.920 --> 01:27:48.160
or you're going to have to make some more decisions.

1448
01:27:49.780 --> 01:27:51.540
That's just how it works in dating.

1449
01:27:52.220 --> 01:27:54.560
You know, I've been in, you know,

1450
01:27:54.560 --> 01:27:56.600
you can be in a very marriage-minded relationship.

1451
01:27:56.600 --> 01:28:00.560
But as you grow, it's just, when relationships start out,

1452
01:28:01.100 --> 01:28:02.100
it's exciting.

1453
01:28:02.320 --> 01:28:02.980
It's exhilarating.

1454
01:28:03.160 --> 01:28:04.140
There are things that are happening.

1455
01:28:04.380 --> 01:28:05.800
Everything feels so real.

1456
01:28:06.220 --> 01:28:07.900
It's just the way it goes, Kathleen.

1457
01:28:07.960 --> 01:28:09.360
But I don't think that you're crazy.

1458
01:28:09.600 --> 01:28:10.900
I think that you're a woman.

1459
01:28:13.080 --> 01:28:15.280
I'm not sure I'm excited,

1460
01:28:16.080 --> 01:28:17.560
and I'm not sure I'm excited,

1461
01:28:18.420 --> 01:28:20.460
and whatever the other word you use.

1462
01:28:20.540 --> 01:28:21.900
I want to run every day.

1463
01:28:22.080 --> 01:28:22.800
I want to run.

1464
01:28:24.180 --> 01:28:25.340
Well, I think that...

1465
01:28:26.460 --> 01:28:29.680
Not because of something he did or anything like that.

1466
01:28:29.680 --> 01:28:33.220
It's my, so that's why I'm staying in it.

1467
01:28:33.600 --> 01:28:36.540
It's your instinct to run because it's so real.

1468
01:28:36.680 --> 01:28:39.060
Like all these things happen at one time.

1469
01:28:39.060 --> 01:28:40.880
That's the thing about this journey.

1470
01:28:41.440 --> 01:28:45.940
But if you pace, everything else slows itself down.

1471
01:28:46.300 --> 01:28:48.200
It takes care of everything.

1472
01:28:48.680 --> 01:28:50.880
I've been in fast marathons,

1473
01:28:51.660 --> 01:28:53.420
and I've seen my share of them,

1474
01:28:53.720 --> 01:28:55.440
and I've been in paced relationships,

1475
01:28:55.800 --> 01:28:59.180
and boy, they were worth their weight in gold.

1476
01:28:59.360 --> 01:29:01.080
Not because it fell apart.

1477
01:29:01.220 --> 01:29:03.960
It's just because you get to see things more clearly.

1478
01:29:04.320 --> 01:29:06.320
I've walked away from good for great,

1479
01:29:07.220 --> 01:29:10.160
and I've walked away from great because I grew some more,

1480
01:29:10.160 --> 01:29:11.620
and I was like, uh, not quite.

1481
01:29:12.160 --> 01:29:13.160
Had nothing to do with anything,

1482
01:29:13.240 --> 01:29:15.660
and I've been where I want to run because it seems so real.

1483
01:29:15.720 --> 01:29:17.840
So I get all aspects of it.

1484
01:29:17.940 --> 01:29:21.460
And I think that if you pace, you just pace.

1485
01:29:21.740 --> 01:29:23.400
I think pacing is good.

1486
01:29:25.080 --> 01:29:25.580
Okay.

1487
01:29:25.820 --> 01:29:28.080
You're not going to want to run always.

1488
01:29:28.540 --> 01:29:32.300
You, you know, duh, I think just pace.

1489
01:29:33.520 --> 01:29:34.680
Because you like him.

1490
01:29:34.840 --> 01:29:35.540
He's attractive.

1491
01:29:35.540 --> 01:29:39.500
He sparks the intelligence that you enjoy.

1492
01:29:40.560 --> 01:29:43.260
And so he checks all of the boxes that you have.

1493
01:29:44.040 --> 01:29:45.940
So my encouragement is to pace.

1494
01:29:48.200 --> 01:29:48.600
Thank you.

1495
01:29:49.440 --> 01:29:49.900
You're welcome.

1496
01:29:52.420 --> 01:29:52.760
Okay.

1497
01:29:53.200 --> 01:29:53.920
Maria.

1498
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:01.280
Hi, thank you.

1499
01:30:02.480 --> 01:30:04.380
Can I answer you in 30 seconds?

1500
01:30:05.000 --> 01:30:05.640
Oh, my.

1501
01:30:06.780 --> 01:30:08.900
I can wait then for next week.

1502
01:30:09.140 --> 01:30:09.400
It's OK.

1503
01:30:10.060 --> 01:30:10.420
OK.

1504
01:30:10.600 --> 01:30:11.460
Thank you so much.

1505
01:30:11.480 --> 01:30:12.720
Did you just put your hand up?

1506
01:30:12.820 --> 01:30:13.820
I didn't see it at first.

1507
01:30:14.620 --> 01:30:15.640
Yeah, I just put it up.

1508
01:30:16.060 --> 01:30:17.120
I mean, I've been.

1509
01:30:18.140 --> 01:30:19.720
Post it on the wall for me.

1510
01:30:20.800 --> 01:30:21.280
OK.

1511
01:30:21.980 --> 01:30:22.460
OK.

1512
01:30:22.480 --> 01:30:23.240
All right, ladies.

1513
01:30:23.240 --> 01:30:24.320
I thank you for tonight.

1514
01:30:24.380 --> 01:30:25.180
We're getting closer.

1515
01:30:25.380 --> 01:30:25.900
It's 830.

1516
01:30:26.440 --> 01:30:28.900
So anything I didn't cover, post it for me.

1517
01:30:28.900 --> 01:30:30.660
I would love to answer your questions.

1518
01:30:31.100 --> 01:30:34.680
And if there's anybody in the Austin area, post on the wall

1519
01:30:34.680 --> 01:30:35.680
and say I'm in Austin.

1520
01:30:35.920 --> 01:30:38.560
It's a young lady that was at the anniversary.

1521
01:30:38.920 --> 01:30:39.600
She's here in Austin.

1522
01:30:39.640 --> 01:30:42.880
And she wants to get together on Sunday for coffee

1523
01:30:42.880 --> 01:30:45.640
and hanging out with the ladies in the areas of Austin,

1524
01:30:46.660 --> 01:30:49.300
Georgetown, Round Rock, Pflugerville, in the area.

1525
01:30:51.400 --> 01:30:52.880
The community wall.

1526
01:30:54.640 --> 01:30:58.180
On the, oh, I look like somebody old looking up like that.

1527
01:30:58.180 --> 01:31:01.000
On the community wall, my goodness,

1528
01:31:01.180 --> 01:31:03.360
I look like my stepmama or something.

1529
01:31:03.480 --> 01:31:04.340
On the community wall.

1530
01:31:04.960 --> 01:31:04.960


1531
01:31:06.240 --> 01:31:08.140
Hello, my goodness.

1532
01:31:08.760 --> 01:31:10.740
My Lord, let me do this.

1533
01:31:11.300 --> 01:31:11.700
All right.

1534
01:31:11.920 --> 01:31:13.060
Ladies, have a good night.

1535
01:31:13.200 --> 01:31:14.360
We'll talk to you soon.

1536
01:31:15.000 --> 01:31:15.540
Bye.