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Hello, good evening, everyone.

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So glad to be back here with you tonight for another Monday evening and expecting another

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great night of God to break through in your lives as well as mine.

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I feel like every time I coach, God is showing me things as well.

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So we're in it to win it with you all.

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I just want you to know that we pray for you and we're asking God for breakthrough in your

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lives and even, you know, not just for the live sessions, but in general that we're thinking

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about you all throughout the week and praying and asking God to meet you where you're at,

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but also to help you take that next step forward in your heart healing journey.

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If you are new and this is your first live session, you've never been with us before.

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Would love for you to put that in the chat for us so that we can welcome you first and

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just say, hi, I see a couple of new faces, I believe, but just want to make sure that

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we know who you are.

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If you are joining us again, welcome back.

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So glad to see all of you as well.

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God is on the move, you all.

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I used to say all the time that actually just made me think of something way back when I

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first started leading prayer in this community.

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I'm a big Lion King fan, y'all.

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I like God talks to me through movies and music a lot.

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Anyways, I used to, when I watched that, just really was moved by, you know, that.

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And then the other one that I think of is, shoot, now I'm going to forget the name of

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the movie, but Aslan is on the move.

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And so there's these two lion movies that God has used, Narnia, thank you, remembered.

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But the reason I'm bringing that up is because the Holy Spirit dropped into my spirit right

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when I went to talk.

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Aslan is on the move.

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And so we know that the Lord is called the Lion of the tribe of Judah, okay?

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And so I want to encourage you that no matter what you've experienced in the past, that

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God is on the move in your life and He can move anything.

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Nothing is impossible for Him.

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And this afternoon, we were talking about how, like, as I was sharing, water came up

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in the conversation very quickly several times.

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And then as I shared that, I was like, whoa, we need to pay attention to that.

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I think it was Kalondra, I think that's how you say her name.

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She said that they were talking about water on the prayer call as well.

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And the reason I want to tie these two things together right out of the gate when you come

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in tonight is because I believe God is wanting you to raise the level of your expectancy

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that He is moving and where things have felt jammed up.

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You don't know why something is stuck.

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What I was talking to them about was how when the water starts moving, this was one of the,

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I think the second or third thing I said this afternoon about water, when the water is moving,

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when there's a force that starts to accelerate, that's more powerful than what was there before

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in the water, anything that like sticks or anything that kind of got stopped, I don't

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know if you've ever just paid attention to even a small stream where, you know, there's

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a stick or something, it kind of starts to create a dam where that water kind of gets

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held up.

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Well, eventually, the force, you know, when it gains more momentum and more strength,

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it can either push that stuff out of the way, or the water will just go past it, it'll just

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go right past that thing, that for whatever point of amount of time was an obstacle for

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it.

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And so what I want you to be asking the Lord tonight is where have I believed the lie that

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I am stuck, and that there is an obstacle that God cannot help me overcome.

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Now, obviously, we know that where you feel stuck, that's a revealing for healing that

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is typically showing you, hey, there's there's something that needs healed under this surface

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here.

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But also, I believe that it can show us areas where we need to grow in our ability to trust

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the Lord and to know that He is mighty.

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He's everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, like He is the King of Kings, He can do literally

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anything.

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He created everything out of nothing.

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So what what leads us to believe that He can't work in a supernatural way in our life?

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So that's where we're starting tonight, ladies.

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That's where we're starting.

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And we're going to we're going to partner with that all the way through the session

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tonight.

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And I'll tell you what it's going to be about.

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Some of you know, because you were here with us this afternoon, but I pray and hope that

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even little nuggets come fresh tonight from heaven.

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And so I do have a housekeeping item for you.

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If you are new, or you've been here for a few weeks, and you've never done an introduction

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post in our group, I want to encourage you to do that.

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We would love to see a picture of you something that you love, and we would love to learn

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a little bit about you.

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Where are you from?

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What led you to our community?

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What are a couple things about yourself?

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And why is this important?

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Well, it's important because it's you all, it's your first step of being seen, known

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and loved.

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It's a way for you to allow your sisters in this community to get to know a little bit

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about you.

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I don't know about you all.

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bit like sometimes when you read something that someone writes and you're just like oh my gosh I

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love that too or I like doing that too doesn't it create this instant kind of like connection

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feeling it does for me so I hope it does for you as well and for those of you that have already

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done your post I'm so glad that you did them and I have loved reading them I know that my team

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enjoys it as well but want to encourage you all to do that in the last year single app under the

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community tab okay so that's where you're going to post that and I'm going to turn over to Annette

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she has a couple other housekeeping items for us she's going to pray us in tonight I forgot to

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introduce myself I just realized because I forgot to introduce her I'm Bethany Cooper I'm one of the

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master Harvard coaches here in our community Annette Lewis is one of our peer coaches who's

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here with us tonight as well so glad to have you Annette joining us tonight thank you it's good

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to be here and along the lines of what Bethany said when you're sharing things about yourself

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it really can be a line that connects you to other sisters in the community I know specifically

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being a nurse that when people would post and say oh you know I'm a nurse and I would reach out

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and actually just by doing that I was in the wedding of a sister from the community

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because we connected that way so you never know what that line is that's going to be that connects

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to one of your sisters and also along the lines of the posts we want to get back to all of you we

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it's important to us we want to respond please don't delete your posts if you put them up and

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you think we haven't responded or it's been too long especially over the weekends sometimes it

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takes us a little bit longer I know for myself I'm often not in the group able to help on the

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so there's fewer of us to respond to your posts so just be patient with us and know that you're

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important to us and what you have to say matters and we also want to be able to jump in and coach

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and respond to the posts so leave them up please and we will we will get to you and the next thing

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is Supernatural Saturday we always hope that you can be there with us live if you can't please

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listen to the replay they're so powerful I know this last weekend when I was getting ready for

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work I put my earbuds in and I was listening while I was getting ready for work and I'm always

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so encouraged when I'm able to be present live if you can't please do listen to the replay you'll

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be blessed by it for sure Jackie always has great wisdom for us okay I'm going to go ahead and pray

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now and we'll get started dear heavenly father thank you for the opportunity to be here together

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tonight thank you for the plans and the purposes that you have for us and for the revealing for

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healing and the transformation that you have for each one of these ladies that is going to

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bring them closer to their most authentic self and the plans and purposes that you have created

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for them long ago even before they arrived on this earth god because of your goodness and your

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grace and your mercy you allow us to be healed and to be renewed one day at a time I pray that

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they would take steps and be attentive to holy spirits leading and guiding and tonight I pray

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that your spirit would speak to us through Bethany thank you for her service and for her heart for

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all the ladies in the group and for just the wisdom that she brings because of you god in your

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name I pray amen okay Bethany back to you my voice is a little hoarse tonight I'm sorry all right you

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did great blessings to you praying healing over you continued healing I love that thank you so

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much it ministers to me a lot when I can just receive and hear what someone else is praying

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on that note when Andrea was praying this afternoon she was praying for soft hearts

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and as soon as she started praying I just saw an image of a sponge and so as I started tonight you

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know with the the water and to raise your hopeful level of expectancy I want you to be thinking of

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lord help me to be like a sponge we want to soak up all the truth that god has for us tonight ladies

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we want to be able to receive his love in a fresh way thanks alice and just allow what's coming up

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in my spirit is you know when the light comes in the darkness has to flee okay and love you know

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that perfect love from heaven cast out all fear fear has to do with torment and all the other

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from the enemy from the evil one you know that our flesh

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so longs to connect to, unfortunately. All of those things, we want those to become less and

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less and less. And we want the Lord and the Spirit of the Lord to become greater and greater and

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greater. And so as you're just listening to the stuff tonight, I really want to encourage you,

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Lord, help me to be like a sponge. Help me to receive the presence of your Spirit in a fresh

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way. Help me to hear what your Spirit is saying. You know, I pray that a lot. Help me to hear what

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your Spirit is saying. Help me to see what your Spirit sees. And I was reading something this

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week and it added, and I don't know if I've ever seen this before, it said, help me to have a heart

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to understand. It was like a third layer to that. I've never, either I've never noticed it or I've

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never heard it. I don't know. But that one really stood out to me. Help me to have a heart

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to understand. So not only do we want to hear what the Spirit is saying and see what the Spirit

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sees, but help us, Lord, to have a heart to understand it, to have that upgrade of our,

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like our revelatory, you know, facilities here that enable us to hear what the kingdom of heaven

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is saying and receive it. Okay. And so on that note tonight, we're talking about forgiveness.

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And no matter how many times you've heard this, I want to encourage you don't check out.

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Okay. Whether you've heard it multiple times here in our community, because you've been in

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heartwork for a little bit, or, you know, you've heard it outside of here in a church,

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you know, again, that we would come in with a new heart, just really open to receive.

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This is the quote I'm going to start out with tonight. It is in the heartwork book and I love

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it. It's powerful. It says, we must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devout

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of the power to forgive is devout, devoid or devout, I don't know how you say it, of the power

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to love. We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. So that's a key word, capacity.

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I believe that, you know, in this last season, my husband and I have been talking about capacity,

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capacity a lot. Do we have the capacity for this, you know, new thing that we're taking on in the

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church or, you know, God give us the capacity to, you know, train or invest in this person,

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you know, here in the last year single or whatever that looks like.

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And so, you know, what is your capacity level lately to forgive? And on that note, I want you

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to really be thinking about what it was like for you when God first forgave you. Like, I want you

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to, I want you to allow yourself to go back to that moment of what it was like for you when you

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realized that Jesus died for you. He allowed his body to be broken and his blood to be shed for

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the forgiveness of your sins, for your healing, for your redemption, so that you could be in

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relationship with him and the father when you first really understood that and it changed your

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life. What was that like? How did that feel? Didn't it feel amazing in the realization that

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there was so much grace and kindness and love towards you, always towards you, but in that

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moment, you finally realized it and you were able to receive Jesus, hopefully, as your savior in

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that process, either before or after or however that looked for you. But to be thinking about,

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like, you know, this, this man, Jesus, he went to the cross. He has this crown of thorns placed

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upon his head and they push it into his brow. You all just even thinking about the things that

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he endured for me, for you, he did it all knowing what we would do. And he still chose us.

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And the reason I want you to be thinking about that is because I think there's a lot of times

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where we partner with, it's too hard to forgive them. Someone else, I mean, someone has hurt us

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and we feel that it's just too big to forgive them. They've hurt me too much. It's too hard.

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Well, if we partner with hard ladies, I promise you, it's going to, it's going to remain hard.

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I'm not saying it's easy to forgive, but I am saying it's worth it. And God commands us to do it.

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But so often we forget how much we've been forgiven of. And that's why we feel like we can

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make the choice to not forgive. I really believe that even myself and in some of the worst moments,

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you all, I mean, when I found out my spiritual daughter's dad was cheating on me, not with one

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person, you all would like, I don't even know. I started losing count. There were so many women

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when this whole Pandora's box opened, I literally thought, you know, growing up and going through

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the things.

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I did, I didn't think I could feel shame on a greater level than that time until I went through

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this situation. Because not only that, some of you have heard this part of my story, but one of

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the women in particular started stalking me and harassing me and sending me all these horrible

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messages, like basically treating me like I was the bad guy. Y'all, it was bad. It was really,

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really bad. Like I called the police and filed a restraining order. I started pulling off of

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social media because she literally showed up on all of my social media. Um, and this happened

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more than once with this woman. I'm saying this to say that in the moment where I found all the,

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all this stuff out, and then I'm going through this with this woman and I can't get rid of her.

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Like she just kept coming back and she just kept coming back.

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You better believe I didn't feel like forgiving, but it's not about our feelings, is it?

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Forgiveness is not a feeling. It's a choice. Praise the Lord. God gave me the grace and I'm

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not saying it was easy. You all, it wasn't, but God gave me the grace and the power to be able

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to choose to forgive and move forward with my life and move away from those people that were

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really, really toxic people. And, and literally when I tell you back in the day, this was before

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I joined Jackie's community, I was doing all kinds of like teaching and I was going live on my social

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media. And when that all happened, I just shut down and I just pulled away from so much. And

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I lost this huge part of my life because of, of these people. And I didn't understand it,

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Lord, I was doing everything I knew to do for you. And here I am again,

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I'm the one that's getting hurt again. I remember thinking all of these kinds of things,

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but praise the Lord. He allowed me to forgive. He allowed me to move forward. He put my life

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back together greater than it was before that stuff even happened. Y'all I go live all the time,

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you know, now, whether it's on my personal or with you all, and we pray on prayer. Like there's just

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stuff that God has me doing. I'm so grateful for it. And God is redeeming and restoring all of

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that stuff. And so I want you to know that God can redeem and restore your life too. Even if

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your story is different than mine, no matter what that looks like and sounds like for you,

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God is with you and he will enable you to walk it out. Forgiveness along with repentance and

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confession. These are the only things that have the power to put us back in touch with our authentic

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original identity. So who God originally created us to be long before wounds or trauma or any of

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that stuff ever entered our lives. That is the goal. That is where God wants to help us to get

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to. And the forgiveness, repentance, and confession are huge steps forward for us to move towards that

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forgiveness breaks the tethers. Remember that when we don't forgive, we are tethered to people,

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we are tethered to situations. So if I hadn't forgiven them, I would have literally been linked

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to them. Kind of crazy when you think about it like that, but it's the truth. We become linked

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in the spirit realm to those people, to those situations. That's where, you know, there's all

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these trauma bonds and soul ties and this, and, you know, you guys, there's all kinds of stuff,

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but greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world. There's an amazing blessing

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and there's abundant freedom in life that is greater than all those negative things, but we

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have to choose to walk in the fullness of who God is. And we have to walk in the way that he walked.

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Jesus himself forgave those who harmed him. On the cross, what is he saying? Forgive them for they

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don't know what they're doing. Here's what I know. That woman, you all better believe I was

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like, she crazy. Like she's double crazy. And then some, because I literally like, I, I, I literally

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had no desire to talk to her ever. And she just kept messaging me and messaging me. And so God

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had to show me like, Hey, she's just really unhealthy. And I knew it in my head, but because

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of what was happening, my feelings and how, like all that pressure and all of the, you know,

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embarrassment, if I'm being honest, I was so embarrassed. He was cheating on me with this

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woman who was far away and they were having this like private life. I don't know, all kinds of

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stuff was going on. And then, then for her to come and pursue me, like I was the bad guy, it was just

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blowing. But I forgave and then what that did is that released me and it released them. And it's

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not up to me to worry about the vengeance side of things, you all. Vengeance is the Lord's.

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Now, I know there are times that I have wanted, like, God bring vengeance. Y'all, I have. These

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are things I've said. I've said those things about people in situations and I don't know,

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I see some smiles. So I think some of you can relate. You know, we do. And I think, you know,

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hey, that's the human side of us. But then what happens is, you know, sneaky Jesus gets all up in

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my heart and my spirit. And then he's like, Bethany, like, when you forgive them and you

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allow me to take you higher and I show you a new perspective, man, that that heaps coals on their

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and you get to just live a good life. And, you know, and when you look back,

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you know, you know, I don't wish bad on people. I really don't. Because I really do know why

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people do things like this. Hurt people hurt people. That's the way it goes.

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But when I look back and I look at some of those individuals that have hurt me

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immensely, and they're not in a like any different place than where they were

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five, eight years ago, 10 years ago. I was like, God, thank you so much that by your grace,

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you you called me out of that place. You called me out of that place because you had something

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greater for me. And I'm so grateful that I can I can look and see the difference about

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where I was then and how insecure I was then. And I, you know, all the forgiveness and the joy and

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the happiness of pursuing God's adventures and is fun and blessing people. And I just look and

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I'm just like, wow, like so much has changed. And I'm saying that to you because I want you

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all to know that that can be your story, too. That can be your story, too. I want you to imagine

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I said to the afternoon group, I was going to remember my sunglasses and I still forgot them

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tonight. So I just want you to imagine if you had a pair of sunglasses on how many of you all

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have ever worn the glasses where the color is actually different in the lens, not just that

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it protects you from the UV rays, but it actually is a different color. So like maybe it's like a

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blue hint or a peach hint or something like that. If you ever have had glasses like that, you can

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just raise your hand. Let me see you. We'll get you activated. I've been talking for a little bit.

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Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Rose colored glasses. That's right. I think some of those they make them that

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way because of the saying, but, you know, imagine wearing your sunglasses. And I love to tell this

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story. When we first moved to Florida, we were at the beach and we were sitting there and there

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was these really beautiful clouds. And I looked over and they looked peach to me. And so I was

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like, look at those amazing peach clouds. They're so awesome. And my husband's like, what are you

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talking about? And I was like over there. And I'm like, pointing at these clouds. You know,

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I did this multiple times. It's so funny. And he was like, Bethany, I don't see what you're

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talking about. And I was like, you don't see those peach clouds. And he's like, he's like, babe,

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you have your sunglasses on. I forgot I even had them on, but I really saw peach. I really did

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until I took my sunglasses off. And then I saw that they were actually the normal color that

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clouds are white or gray or whatever, you know, and I'm kind of making light of that,

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that I want you to be thinking about the reality of unforgiveness. When we have unforgiveness in

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our hearts, it actually changes the way we see everything. It's like walking around permanently

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with glasses on. And I'm going to say these aren't rose colored glasses. They're not pretty

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glasses. They're going to be more of the dark, dim, like kind of you're going to see like a black,

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if you will, everywhere you look, you're going to interact differently with the world and with

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people. It's going to impact your ability to truly connect like you might be in a group of people

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and have people all around you, but yet you will struggle to actually make genuine connection.

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You might actually struggle with the ability to not only receive love, but give it away freely.

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God wants us to remain in connection with him, ourselves, and other people. So we have to allow

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him to remove the filters and the blind spots that affect the way that we see the things around us.

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I'm going to read out of the heart workbook just briefly. It's in chapter six. If you all are

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any situation, it doesn't matter what it is.

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Bad or good, you don't see that thing, that place, those people the way that they are.

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You see them the way that you are on the inside.

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Let me say that again so you can really get a hold of it.

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We don't see things the way they truly are.

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We just see them the way that we are.

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So what's going on inside of you right now that's causing you to see people in situations

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incorrectly?

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I'm going to go on.

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For instance, say you were severely hurt by a group of people.

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They mistreated you, they lied about you, and then they discarded you.

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The heart wounds and lies that were created as a result of that trauma will give you a

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skewed perception of groups in the future.

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You might start avoiding groups.

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You might avoid communities of people like the plague, convincing yourself that they

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are all bad.

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Ladies, this can apply to men as well.

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There's some of you that really you say you want a man but you think all men are bad because

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men have hurt you before.

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Same kind of thing.

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It goes on.

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Or you might try again to actually search for a community, but if you do decide to join

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a similar group in the future, your most significant obstacle to belonging will be the filter that

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was created by your prior experience.

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Chances are you will be very sensitive and find fault or become offended quickly.

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Or I'm going to also say sometimes you'll be in the victim mode, believing that nobody

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wants to connect with you.

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We had someone leave the community recently.

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They were here for years.

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And the reason they said they left is I was here and nobody ever sought friendship with

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me.

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Kind of sad because I know that actually isn't true.

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Because I know our group of people.

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Here's the thing.

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It's a two-way street, you all.

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It's a two-way street.

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How can we be in a community this amazing and never reach out to connect with someone

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else?

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That's on us too.

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And I know some of you just went on the retreat that are here.

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And wasn't it amazing not only to connect with people online, but you're connecting

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in person?

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We create those opportunities in this community.

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You can take advantage of those things and take it to the next level and get to know

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some people.

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Okay, I'm going to keep going.

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If you haven't done any heart work, it won't be long before your heart is crying danger,

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danger because of something that you are seeing through your damaged lens and you will leave.

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To thrive in a community again, you will have to have those filters removed by doing the

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heart work.

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So what are your filters?

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What are your blind spots right now that are causing you, whether it's, you know, in friendship

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and community, maybe some of you, I know I see some of our ladies that are in phase two

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here with us tonight, maybe you're trying to date and man, you just got all kinds of

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things showing up and it's because you have some kind of skewed lens and it's showing

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up and it's impacting you in a negative way.

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Matthew 22, 39 says, love your neighbor as you love yourself.

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Remember, I talk about this in the heart work before this night of the session, you know,

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the ones that we go through.

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It's one thing to love ourselves, you know, the church tells us to love ourselves, we

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grow up, you know, hopefully people teaching us to the best of their ability to love

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ourselves, but some people don't grow up like that.

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OK, some people aren't taught that, but here's the other layer.

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Do you like yourself?

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Do you actually like you, do you think that when you're alone in a house that the house

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is empty and lonely or do you actually like, hey, I bring value to this place?

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I'm pretty, I'm pretty special and I don't mean in a prideful way, ladies, but like how

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do we how do we think about who we are?

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And what we bring to the table, what do we bring to an environment, do you do you

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believe that you change any environment that you walk into?

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It's true if you allow it to be true.

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Y'all don't think I don't get nervous, OK, I'm what is it called an ambivert, I can be

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an extrovert, but I'm on I'm very much an introvert and I got to recharge.

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Y'all, when I was on the retreat by Sunday night at the five year anniversary party, I

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had like my tank, my tank was running on one quarter of gasoline, you all.

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It was and I felt bad.

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My feet were killing me.

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And here I am.

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I love to dance.

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I love to be with people.

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And I just I was like, oh, Lord, I just got I just got a little bit of juice left.

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Help me to love the people I'm meeting because I didn't want anyone to think I I

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wasn't excited to meet them.

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Because I was, I was looking forward to it.

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And then I got there and I felt exhaustion setting in.

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These are real things, right?

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And I know maybe like you're thinking,

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how does this connect to forgiveness?

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Well, here's what it is.

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I could be really hard on myself about that night.

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I could be really hard on myself.

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Like you didn't say hi to every single person.

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You kept sitting down

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and I could have just been harsh towards myself

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or I can just extend grace towards myself

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and understand that I'm a physical being

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and I have physical needs that sometimes I can't,

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it's real, it's real.

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The floor was, the place was beautiful

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but I wore these really tall heels of course too

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because I'm short and it was a hard floor.

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Worst decision, worst decision, bad one.

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But I looked cute, praise the Lord.

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But y'all I'm joking a little bit here too.

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But the reality is, is how do you treat yourself

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when something happens?

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Do you have grace towards yourself

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or do you struggle to forgive yourself?

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And not that I did something wrong that night y'all.

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I was, I feel like I still was good with people

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and all the things, you know.

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But I knew that I wasn't kind of in the overflow

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that I wanted to be in.

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If that makes sense.

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And so in the past, I would have really been hard

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on myself about that.

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Like, you know, you should have done this,

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you should have done this.

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And I would have really sat and really analyzed it

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over and over and over again.

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And I've had to learn, hey, like I gotta love myself

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and then that's what enables me to love other people.

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And so if I'm gonna coach you all

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on giving grace towards yourself,

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then I've gotta be able to do that too.

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And so where do you need to give yourself grace tonight?

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Where do you need to, maybe that is something,

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a choice that you made that God was like,

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hey, don't do that.

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Don't go that direction.

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And you went that direction anyways.

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And he's saying, hey,

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it's time to forgive yourself for that.

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We're gonna talk about that a little bit more.

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I'm gonna keep going.

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Reminder again, that forgiveness is not a feeling,

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it's a choice.

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Ephesians 4.23 says this,

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forgive one another just as God forgave you

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because of what Christ has done.

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Remember you're fighting from freedom, not for it.

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Jesus Christ already died to give you freedom

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and healing and redemption.

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We have to step into it.

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We have to partner with it.

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Colossians 3.13 says, remember the Lord forgave you,

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so you must also forgive others.

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It's a command ladies.

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This is the option, okay?

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This is the option.

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It is forgive and we will be forgiven.

427
00:32:59.380 --> 00:33:02.520
I want you to be thinking too about the Lord's prayer,

428
00:33:03.880 --> 00:33:07.560
where Jesus is giving us a model of how we should pray.

429
00:33:08.040 --> 00:33:11.360
And he's saying, to forgive our trespassers,

430
00:33:13.060 --> 00:33:16.980
forgive those who have trespassed against us, right?

431
00:33:16.980 --> 00:33:18.480
And lead us not into temptation,

432
00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:20.360
deliver us from the evil one.

433
00:33:21.740 --> 00:33:22.620
That's just part of it.

434
00:33:22.640 --> 00:33:26.340
But I wanna focus there because I really believe

435
00:33:27.720 --> 00:33:31.920
that us choosing to not forgive because it's hard

436
00:33:32.060 --> 00:33:35.200
or whatever the situation is.

437
00:33:35.720 --> 00:33:37.360
And again, I have complete compassion

438
00:33:37.620 --> 00:33:40.660
if that is where you are and I'm not trying to shame you.

439
00:33:40.860 --> 00:33:42.520
Remember, shame is a spirit.

440
00:33:42.620 --> 00:33:45.520
That's the enemy trying to shame you and guilt you

441
00:33:45.520 --> 00:33:46.520
and condemn you.

442
00:33:46.520 --> 00:33:48.260
That isn't me, okay?

443
00:33:48.540 --> 00:33:51.060
I'm just speaking truth because I've been there.

444
00:33:51.780 --> 00:33:53.980
And it's not good when we stay in bitterness.

445
00:33:54.180 --> 00:33:58.140
It's not good when we park in resentment and unforgiveness.

446
00:33:58.280 --> 00:34:01.820
It will steal you of things that God wants to give you.

447
00:34:01.900 --> 00:34:03.740
It will literally rob you of your life

448
00:34:04.020 --> 00:34:07.280
and your joy and your peace and your happiness.

449
00:34:09.320 --> 00:34:11.659
You wanna forgive all the characters in the story,

450
00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:13.980
including yourself, which is what I was just talking about

451
00:34:13.980 --> 00:34:14.659
a little bit ago.

452
00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:18.800
Forgiveness happens in layers, ladies.

453
00:34:19.139 --> 00:34:20.260
Super important to remember.

454
00:34:20.340 --> 00:34:22.100
We got into a really good conversation

455
00:34:22.100 --> 00:34:23.560
about this this afternoon.

456
00:34:25.040 --> 00:34:26.480
Someone's therapist had actually, and again,

457
00:34:26.500 --> 00:34:28.280
I don't know the context that was set in,

458
00:34:28.420 --> 00:34:30.120
so I don't wanna misrepresent this therapist.

459
00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:31.480
Not that you all even know who it is.

460
00:34:31.500 --> 00:34:32.739
I don't know who it is.

461
00:34:32.820 --> 00:34:34.780
But there was something that they said

462
00:34:34.780 --> 00:34:36.320
to the woman that was getting coaching

463
00:34:37.600 --> 00:34:39.659
about once you've forgiven someone,

464
00:34:39.719 --> 00:34:42.080
you can't look back at that situation again.

465
00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:44.679
And I'm bringing it up tonight

466
00:34:44.679 --> 00:34:46.000
because I don't think that's true.

467
00:34:47.219 --> 00:34:49.760
I think maybe the context, potentially,

468
00:34:50.040 --> 00:34:51.639
that they were, again, I'm interpreting,

469
00:34:52.420 --> 00:34:54.360
saying that in is like, we don't wanna go back in

470
00:34:54.360 --> 00:34:56.540
and dig that stuff all back up, okay?

471
00:34:56.820 --> 00:34:59.980
But if the Lord is revealing something about.

472
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.860
out that again in your life, there's a reason he's doing that.

473
00:35:04.040 --> 00:35:06.340
Forgiveness happens in layers, so does healing.

474
00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:12.080
I've learned this over my life because I remember, like, I forgave my brothers for sexually abusing

475
00:35:12.080 --> 00:35:15.420
me early on in my, you know, coming to know Jesus.

476
00:35:15.700 --> 00:35:19.120
And I was trying to clean this, you know, clean everything out, you all.

477
00:35:19.160 --> 00:35:21.900
And so I just, I forgave, I did the things.

478
00:35:22.720 --> 00:35:28.040
And then six months later, this thing's popping back up and there's more and God, you know,

479
00:35:28.040 --> 00:35:29.660
God's nudging me to forgive again.

480
00:35:29.700 --> 00:35:31.240
And I'm like, well, I already forgave them.

481
00:35:31.400 --> 00:35:37.720
And I remember thinking, I don't understand, I already forgave them, why is this coming

482
00:35:37.720 --> 00:35:38.540
up again?

483
00:35:40.280 --> 00:35:45.240
And it's because there's something else that God wanted to show me about that situation.

484
00:35:45.760 --> 00:35:50.620
There was another layer, there was another piece, if you will, you know, maybe if that

485
00:35:50.620 --> 00:35:54.960
is easier for you to swallow for some of you, you're like, I don't want God to bring that

486
00:35:54.960 --> 00:35:55.860
situation up again.

487
00:35:55.860 --> 00:35:59.900
You know, like you start to feel that panic and I don't want you to feel that here.

488
00:35:59.980 --> 00:36:00.840
I want you to understand.

489
00:36:01.060 --> 00:36:04.760
I try to encourage you all just, it's like taking a peek back up under the hood of your

490
00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:09.080
car, you know, like you don't got to take out the whole engine again, unless the Lord

491
00:36:09.080 --> 00:36:12.860
leads you to, because some of you all might need to, He might lead you to take the engine

492
00:36:13.260 --> 00:36:18.540
out because even though some of you have gone through immense counseling, and I'm sure it

493
00:36:18.540 --> 00:36:21.040
was effective, you're in a different place now.

494
00:36:21.660 --> 00:36:25.640
So you're going to receive a different level of revelation about that thing than you could

495
00:36:25.640 --> 00:36:26.220
have before.

496
00:36:27.380 --> 00:36:28.740
Capacity to forgive.

497
00:36:29.400 --> 00:36:31.160
Oh, I just felt that in the Holy Spirit.

498
00:36:31.660 --> 00:36:32.740
See, that's the thing.

499
00:36:33.580 --> 00:36:39.920
Some of you, you know, even coming into the heart work now, you only have so much capacity

500
00:36:40.140 --> 00:36:41.380
and that's OK.

501
00:36:42.200 --> 00:36:43.380
That's where you're at.

502
00:36:44.080 --> 00:36:50.060
And in a couple of months from now, you might have a little bit greater capacity to retain

503
00:36:50.060 --> 00:36:55.300
information, to understand and get the revelation of what God is saying to you.

504
00:36:55.400 --> 00:36:57.960
And then in a couple more months, you might have greater capacity.

505
00:36:58.500 --> 00:36:59.880
Let's not be hard on ourselves.

506
00:37:00.580 --> 00:37:05.860
See that's the enemy's game, comparison, comparison, comparison, tell you you're not good enough.

507
00:37:06.060 --> 00:37:06.880
You're not smart enough.

508
00:37:06.940 --> 00:37:07.880
You're not picking up the heart.

509
00:37:07.880 --> 00:37:08.600
We're quick enough.

510
00:37:08.760 --> 00:37:10.760
They're flying right through and they're getting breakthrough.

511
00:37:10.900 --> 00:37:11.960
What's going on with you?

512
00:37:12.960 --> 00:37:14.700
Because he's just trying to take you out.

513
00:37:15.360 --> 00:37:19.800
Because if he can get you to be down on yourself, that you're not good enough or, or why can't

514
00:37:19.800 --> 00:37:20.300
I remember?

515
00:37:20.520 --> 00:37:21.300
I'm trying.

516
00:37:21.300 --> 00:37:24.440
I'm listening to the videos and I'm reading and I can't retain this information.

517
00:37:25.980 --> 00:37:26.940
I hear it.

518
00:37:26.940 --> 00:37:28.980
I hear a lot of people saying that lately.

519
00:37:29.740 --> 00:37:32.360
And I just want you to know it's OK.

520
00:37:33.480 --> 00:37:39.880
It's because you're at a place right now where you only have so much capacity to receive.

521
00:37:40.500 --> 00:37:43.900
Some of you may need to make more room, OK?

522
00:37:43.900 --> 00:37:45.720
That might be where some of you are at.

523
00:37:45.780 --> 00:37:48.700
You might need to let go of some of the Bible studies you're in.

524
00:37:48.700 --> 00:37:53.320
Yes, dare I say, some of you have Bible studies every night of the week.

525
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:54.640
And I think that's awesome.

526
00:37:54.920 --> 00:37:56.260
I used to be that person.

527
00:37:56.700 --> 00:38:02.120
But hey, if we're doing stuff every single night and we're trying to do heart work, y'all,

528
00:38:02.180 --> 00:38:04.420
it's going to be really hard to move forward.

529
00:38:07.140 --> 00:38:11.720
If God is calling you into a season of heart healing, I want to encourage you to allow

530
00:38:11.720 --> 00:38:13.100
that to be priority.

531
00:38:14.360 --> 00:38:17.560
That Bible study will be there for you when you're finished.

532
00:38:18.060 --> 00:38:20.560
And I'm not saying you'll have to pull out of all your Bible studies.

533
00:38:20.600 --> 00:38:22.160
So don't hear me saying that either.

534
00:38:22.520 --> 00:38:28.320
But I do think the Lord is on this in particular, because here's the thing.

535
00:38:28.460 --> 00:38:30.740
Sometimes we get into striving and FOMO.

536
00:38:31.740 --> 00:38:40.600
And in some of us, we are so busy being busy because we are afraid of the healing and the

537
00:38:40.600 --> 00:38:42.440
process that we need to go through to heal.

538
00:38:42.560 --> 00:38:45.120
And so we fill our life with all this stuff.

539
00:38:46.040 --> 00:38:49.360
And God is saying, hey, slow down.

540
00:38:50.460 --> 00:38:52.500
I want you to say no to that thing.

541
00:38:53.180 --> 00:38:55.820
And I want you to come away with me, my love.

542
00:38:56.120 --> 00:39:01.720
Come away, my dear one, because I have something for you that's going to change your life.

543
00:39:02.080 --> 00:39:03.020
I want to heal you.

544
00:39:03.100 --> 00:39:04.100
I want to set you free.

545
00:39:06.080 --> 00:39:09.140
Right, but we have to choose to make the space for it.

546
00:39:09.560 --> 00:39:14.780
OK, I'm just saying that goes with forgiveness, too, because some of you all, again, you're

547
00:39:14.780 --> 00:39:21.820
filling your stuff with all these things, trying to hide from all of the things that

548
00:39:21.820 --> 00:39:22.160
are going on.

549
00:39:22.200 --> 00:39:23.820
Yeah, Megan, that can happen for sure.

550
00:39:24.240 --> 00:39:28.480
She said, I keep falling asleep or I'm really tired every time she tries to do it.

551
00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:33.360
Now, some of that, I will tell you, can be the enemy assaulting you with a spirit of

552
00:39:33.980 --> 00:39:33.980


553
00:39:34.440 --> 00:39:35.640
So pray into that.

554
00:39:35.960 --> 00:39:39.280
OK, and I'm not going to get into all the different ways the enemy can attack us, because

555
00:39:39.280 --> 00:39:40.960
we're going to focus more on who God is.

556
00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:43.920
But I just want you to know that that is something that can happen there.

557
00:39:43.920 --> 00:39:49.220
All right, really quickly, as we start to kind of get ready for Annette to share and

558
00:39:49.220 --> 00:39:53.400
then our breakout session, I want to talk about victim versus survivor versus thriving.

559
00:39:53.640 --> 00:39:55.080
What's the difference between the three?

560
00:39:55.360 --> 00:39:59.460
And when I say this stuff to you all again, I want you to remember this isn't about you

561
00:39:59.460 --> 00:39:59.980
feeling bad.

562
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.400
about where you are. It's just about acknowledging where you are so that you can move forward. Okay.

563
00:40:07.920 --> 00:40:12.920
All right. Victims are people that tend to feel helpless. Okay.

564
00:40:16.520 --> 00:40:22.940
They tend to blame other people, and then they tend to focus on the past.

565
00:40:23.400 --> 00:40:28.940
And also, as I'm saying these, here's the reality too. I think in some of our hearts,

566
00:40:28.940 --> 00:40:33.620
in areas of our hearts, we can be surviving or thriving. In other areas, we can be in victim.

567
00:40:34.440 --> 00:40:40.340
Okay. So you might have a heart posture in victim regarding certain aspects of parts of your life,

568
00:40:40.340 --> 00:40:45.700
and you might be surviving or starting towards thriving in other areas. So be aware of that as

569
00:40:45.420 --> 00:40:50.980
well. So do you have any areas of your heart and life in your mind, your heart postures right now

570
00:40:50.980 --> 00:40:55.320
where you feel helpless, like nothing's ever going to change, where you're blaming other

571
00:40:55.320 --> 00:41:01.360
people for the things that are going on, and you're focusing on the past? That's victim.

572
00:41:02.040 --> 00:41:07.820
Survivors, again, they've kind of taken some steps forward. They've reclaimed their power.

573
00:41:08.020 --> 00:41:13.620
They're taking responsibility for their choices and how that impacts their life. And remember,

574
00:41:13.820 --> 00:41:19.540
like, we can't change what other people do to us. The only person we can, you know, control in a

575
00:41:19.540 --> 00:41:24.220
sense because we're making the choices, but we know that God is the one that's actually in control,

576
00:41:24.220 --> 00:41:30.860
right, is us, you know, we can't control other people. But this is more about you taking

577
00:41:31.100 --> 00:41:36.380
responsibility for your choices. So for example, that relationship that I was in that was so

578
00:41:36.380 --> 00:41:40.700
terrible, you all that I was talking about, kind of crazy when I think back about it now,

579
00:41:41.100 --> 00:41:49.440
but I stayed with that guy. Nuts. What was I thinking? What was I thinking? I don't know.

580
00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:54.780
I thought he would change. I thought the guy that I met in the beginning was going to come back.

581
00:41:55.360 --> 00:41:59.080
And that guy never even existed, because that guy was fake.

582
00:42:00.380 --> 00:42:05.160
The real guy was the guy that was cheating all the time. That was who I was really dating.

583
00:42:06.580 --> 00:42:14.400
So I had to realize and take responsibility for the fact that not only him, but two other guys,

584
00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:18.240
you know, my ex-husband, the guy I dated after him, and then that guy,

585
00:42:18.700 --> 00:42:25.380
all had similarities. They were all abusive. They all had addiction problems of some kind.

586
00:42:27.060 --> 00:42:30.740
And they all chose to do things with other women.

587
00:42:32.520 --> 00:42:39.680
And so years ago, when I started counseling, after that situation surfaced, this lady,

588
00:42:39.800 --> 00:42:43.840
the counselor said, why do you, you know, why do you feel like you need to work with me? And I

589
00:42:43.840 --> 00:42:43.860
said, well, I don't feel like I need to work with you. I don't feel like I need to work with you.

590
00:42:43.860 --> 00:42:43.860


591
00:42:43.860 --> 00:42:47.800
with you. And I said, well, here's the thing that God is showing me. I've attracted the same kind

592
00:42:47.800 --> 00:42:54.720
of person over and over again. So the same common denominator, though, here is me. I'm the common

593
00:42:54.700 --> 00:43:01.320
denominator. So I need to learn why, why that, why am I attracting these kind of people? And then

594
00:43:01.320 --> 00:43:09.440
why am I choosing to date them? I had to own, I had to own that. It wasn't my fault, per se,

595
00:43:09.580 --> 00:43:13.600
that they were treating me those, those ways, right? Those were things that they were doing.

596
00:43:13.720 --> 00:43:19.660
But what I could change was who I was picking to date. And I had to figure out why I was

597
00:43:19.660 --> 00:43:25.480
attracting these people to me that were walking in these ways and doing these things.

598
00:43:26.080 --> 00:43:30.540
And then not only, like I said, attracting them, but choosing to date them, thinking that

599
00:43:30.580 --> 00:43:38.880
I wasn't worth more than that. That's the reality. I didn't, deep down in my subconscious,

600
00:43:39.160 --> 00:43:47.040
I didn't think I was worth more than that. That's why I stayed. And because I was afraid to lose

601
00:43:47.040 --> 00:43:55.460
the girls. I will say that's the other thing. His daughters, I was terrified I was going to

602
00:43:55.460 --> 00:44:01.180
marriage. So maybe that's you, maybe you're in that place of you need to really own your,

603
00:44:01.420 --> 00:44:06.820
you know, your choices, be responsible, and really ask the Lord to show you how to step

604
00:44:06.820 --> 00:44:12.840
forward from those. Survivors choose to heal, they choose self care, they start saying no,

605
00:44:12.940 --> 00:44:18.000
they start setting healthy boundaries. Here's the thing, though, survivors, even though it's

606
00:44:18.000 --> 00:44:24.060
really great, and it's not victim, they choose to live in the state of existing.

607
00:44:25.340 --> 00:44:29.940
And I want you to think about, you know, John 10.10 says the thief comes to kill, steal and

608
00:44:29.800 --> 00:44:37.360
destroy. But I have come, Jesus is talking here. He came to give us life and give it to us more

609
00:44:38.620 --> 00:44:46.380
abundantly. The good, good life. So does that sound like existing to you? It doesn't to me.

610
00:44:47.140 --> 00:44:51.840
So then we want to look at thriving. What is thriving look like? What does it sound like?

611
00:44:52.380 --> 00:44:57.140
People that thrive focus on the future. They have power regarding their future,

612
00:44:57.240 --> 00:44:59.980
they surround themselves with other people who are thriving.

613
00:45:00.660 --> 00:45:04.360
They grow, they develop, they flourish, they prosper.

614
00:45:07.800 --> 00:45:12.560
So where we're at tonight, we want to start taking these steps from, you know, if we're

615
00:45:12.560 --> 00:45:17.900
in victim, how do you start taking steps towards survivors so that you can move towards thriving?

616
00:45:18.060 --> 00:45:22.220
Some of you right now, you're sitting there and you're like, thriving does not even feel

617
00:45:22.220 --> 00:45:24.120
possible for me right now.

618
00:45:25.100 --> 00:45:31.060
I, I don't feel like I can even dream about the future because I can't even pay my bills

619
00:45:31.060 --> 00:45:31.820
right now.

620
00:45:33.160 --> 00:45:34.560
That's real, right?

621
00:45:35.060 --> 00:45:36.400
Your situation might be different.

622
00:45:36.540 --> 00:45:37.220
It might be something else.

623
00:45:37.280 --> 00:45:40.720
Some of you, I think are going through some medical treatments because you got a medical

624
00:45:40.720 --> 00:45:42.480
diagnosis not that long ago.

625
00:45:43.800 --> 00:45:48.160
That's, that's going to be tough, but, but the Lord wants you to keep dreaming about

626
00:45:48.160 --> 00:45:50.760
the future because he has things for you.

627
00:45:51.480 --> 00:45:57.240
The land of thrive, you know, we want to make choices about what do we want to do?

628
00:45:58.180 --> 00:46:00.480
How do you want to experience the world?

629
00:46:00.980 --> 00:46:02.120
Do you have a bucket list?

630
00:46:02.340 --> 00:46:06.560
Do you have things that you're just like, man, I would, I would love to go and experience

631
00:46:06.560 --> 00:46:06.900
this.

632
00:46:06.900 --> 00:46:09.320
And yes, that's awesome to have those for your spirit mate.

633
00:46:09.460 --> 00:46:14.000
I hear so many women like when I meet my spirit mate, I'm going to go do this.

634
00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:15.520
And I used to do that to you all.

635
00:46:15.520 --> 00:46:16.120
I did.

636
00:46:16.600 --> 00:46:18.120
And I think that's great.

637
00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:24.760
But I remember God speaking to me before I met Brian and he said, you're going to travel.

638
00:46:25.580 --> 00:46:30.980
And I was like, okay, literally to the point that I had friends messaging me, God, I was

639
00:46:30.980 --> 00:46:31.360
praying for you.

640
00:46:31.360 --> 00:46:33.920
And God told me that you're going to travel.

641
00:46:35.340 --> 00:46:39.340
And y'all, that was not long before I went on my Austin retreat.

642
00:46:40.720 --> 00:46:44.860
And then I followed Jackie to Tennessee and went to with the group there.

643
00:46:44.900 --> 00:46:47.660
And there were a couple of different things that God led me to do.

644
00:46:47.660 --> 00:46:50.060
And I hadn't traveled in a really long time.

645
00:46:51.140 --> 00:46:56.480
And that started waking me up to want to travel more and experience more of the world and

646
00:46:56.660 --> 00:46:57.580
more fun things.

647
00:46:57.680 --> 00:47:03.000
So maybe some of you, you need to really lean into like, how do you want to experience the

648
00:47:03.000 --> 00:47:03.960
world in the future here?

649
00:47:04.840 --> 00:47:05.700
Here's another one.

650
00:47:05.700 --> 00:47:06.600
How will you act?

651
00:47:06.800 --> 00:47:08.620
What kind of attitude do you want to have?

652
00:47:09.620 --> 00:47:11.100
Do you want to be grateful?

653
00:47:11.320 --> 00:47:14.980
Do you want to be known for a heart of gratitude that when people look at you, they're like,

654
00:47:14.980 --> 00:47:18.060
man, she really loves life.

655
00:47:20.300 --> 00:47:25.220
Or do you want to be someone that you're just kind of caught in stinking thinking and you

656
00:47:25.220 --> 00:47:29.140
just have a lot of negativity surrounding you like the Eeyore cloud?

657
00:47:30.040 --> 00:47:31.480
Y'all, that's real stuff, too.

658
00:47:32.620 --> 00:47:34.420
Some people, that's where they're at.

659
00:47:35.140 --> 00:47:40.820
And it's as I if you all read books, you're probably never going to read that there's a

660
00:47:40.820 --> 00:47:41.760
spirit called Eeyore.

661
00:47:41.980 --> 00:47:43.680
But I think that there is.

662
00:47:43.680 --> 00:47:45.740
I think that there is.

663
00:47:45.940 --> 00:47:51.660
I think that the enemy assaults people with this deep gloominess in their spirit.

664
00:47:53.340 --> 00:47:57.840
And it just hovers and it's different than being sad.

665
00:47:59.120 --> 00:48:04.600
And so I've literally prayed the spirit of Eeyore off of people again, the Lord can tell

666
00:48:04.600 --> 00:48:08.680
me one day when I get to heaven if that's real or not, but I've felt like it's real as

667
00:48:08.680 --> 00:48:09.340
I've prayed it.

668
00:48:09.340 --> 00:48:13.920
So if that's you, I want you to know that you're not alone and God can literally help you

669
00:48:13.920 --> 00:48:16.300
break out of that. You don't have to continue in that.

670
00:48:16.980 --> 00:48:22.240
And for some of you, that has been down your family line, like your mom was like that or

671
00:48:22.240 --> 00:48:27.120
your dad and then your grandma, like it's come down through your family line.

672
00:48:27.160 --> 00:48:34.020
And so that's how you your families existed, the negativity and, you know, hating on men

673
00:48:34.020 --> 00:48:36.240
or whatever that dynamic is.

674
00:48:36.240 --> 00:48:38.440
And God is wanting to call you out of that tonight.

675
00:48:39.340 --> 00:48:42.840
All right, so I'm going to have Annette share what God has put on her heart to share

676
00:48:42.840 --> 00:48:45.960
tonight about forgiveness, and then I'm going to get you all ready for the breakout

677
00:48:45.960 --> 00:48:46.620
session, OK?

678
00:48:48.400 --> 00:48:58.120
Thanks, Bethany, when I was asked to share tonight about forgiveness, I have to say

679
00:48:58.120 --> 00:49:04.300
that it wasn't one big thing that came to mind that I learned when I went through

680
00:49:04.300 --> 00:49:13.460
heartwork. What I what stuck with me and what I have really taken forward are

681
00:49:13.460 --> 00:49:20.060
forgiving in the small things because the small things were adding up for me in

682
00:49:20.060 --> 00:49:26.720
different places that were just just planted, just enough of a seed that resentment

683
00:49:26.720 --> 00:49:31.180
could grow because it would get in there so quickly and I would know I would be

684
00:49:31.320 --> 00:49:35.200
irritated or frustrated or something.

685
00:49:36.100 --> 00:49:43.660
But I never stopped to think, OK, I need to forgive because it wasn't a big thing

686
00:49:43.660 --> 00:49:48.980
like I knew I needed to forgive my dad and the babysitter when I was sexually abused

687
00:49:48.980 --> 00:49:51.640
when I was younger, like, OK, forgive that.

688
00:49:52.060 --> 00:49:58.060
But it's also the little things along the way that can get in that are just small,

689
00:49:58.060 --> 00:49:59.560
seem small.

690
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:09.980
for me, really, if I let them grow over time, would really cause, would really cause resentment.

691
00:50:14.400 --> 00:50:20.820
And one of the things that has really helped me to get there is just praying that God would give

692
00:50:20.820 --> 00:50:25.800
me a heart posture, a heart posture of forgiveness, not just in the big things,

693
00:50:25.800 --> 00:50:31.080
but in the little things. If I noticed myself, you know, like a, like a basketball or a soccer

694
00:50:31.080 --> 00:50:34.560
ball or something where you pick it up and you just kind of play with it a little bit,

695
00:50:34.620 --> 00:50:42.520
I wanted to put it down before at the feet of Jesus and let him be the one who defended me,

696
00:50:43.920 --> 00:50:50.520
who helped me to forgive. Because when I started to notice the, the feelings of the frustration

697
00:50:50.520 --> 00:50:57.240
and the irritation and the resentment coming, then rather than run with that, I would take it

698
00:50:57.620 --> 00:51:04.840
in prayer to God and let him, not because I felt like it, certainly not because I felt like it,

699
00:51:04.840 --> 00:51:12.540
but when I would say out loud, okay, I choose to forgive and I choose to forgive because God,

700
00:51:12.540 --> 00:51:21.660
I know that you have forgiven me for my sins in my past, for sins in my present and for future

701
00:51:21.760 --> 00:51:28.740
that you don't hold my sin against me. And it makes me think of the story in the Bible about

702
00:51:28.740 --> 00:51:34.360
the man who pleaded for forgiveness and he got forgiveness. And then he turned around and had

703
00:51:34.360 --> 00:51:41.620
somebody who, who owed him money and he didn't give them that same forgiveness. And I remember

704
00:51:41.620 --> 00:51:48.140
when I read that Bible story thinking, hello, how can you do that? Like you just walked away.

705
00:51:48.460 --> 00:51:53.600
And one day it was like the Holy Spirit whispered, but that's what you do every time you don't forgive.

706
00:51:55.600 --> 00:52:04.080
And that was a revelation for me so that when I, when I can stop myself and think,

707
00:52:04.080 --> 00:52:11.580
okay, I don't want to be that person. God, you forgiven me, called me to be an example.

708
00:52:12.420 --> 00:52:22.440
So my heart posture, I want it to be one of forgiveness. And I have found so much freedom

709
00:52:22.440 --> 00:52:28.720
in that when I'm able, it doesn't mean that it's easy. There's definitely times when I choose it,

710
00:52:29.420 --> 00:52:37.240
not because I want to, but because I want to honor God. And so I will ask for forgiveness.

711
00:52:37.280 --> 00:52:42.780
And he's always been faithful to help me through. And yes, some of it is in layers. Sometimes I'm

712
00:52:42.780 --> 00:52:48.140
like, okay, okay, I'm, I'm in a good place. And then it'll spring up over here a little bit later.

713
00:52:48.140 --> 00:52:53.940
And I have to think, okay, we're going to do this again. And you lay it down and you think,

714
00:52:54.500 --> 00:53:00.300
I want my heart. Most of all, I want God's way, not my way. And so

715
00:53:02.360 --> 00:53:07.920
that has been one of the things that's brought me the greatest freedom and has been the most

716
00:53:09.880 --> 00:53:14.380
powerful tool. I guess I, although I don't really want to think of it as a tool,

717
00:53:15.240 --> 00:53:19.920
a powerful act of obedience that I could do, even when I don't feel like it is to just forgive.

718
00:53:20.480 --> 00:53:27.360
And yes, times that is even myself. When I extend grace to myself, when I've been

719
00:53:27.580 --> 00:53:36.120
frustrated about something, in fact, last Monday, long story short, I misunderstood something that

720
00:53:36.120 --> 00:53:42.860
our immigration attorney said that has had a drastic impact on Arthur's ability to come to

721
00:53:42.860 --> 00:53:50.900
the US. So now he won't be coming to down to Tacoma until he won't be able to come until

722
00:53:50.940 --> 00:53:59.260
beginning of January. Because, and I beat myself up for a few hours. And then what I realized is

723
00:53:59.960 --> 00:54:06.060
same thing. We forgive others, but we also have to forgive ourselves. We can't turn it in and

724
00:54:08.540 --> 00:54:13.080
extend to others. What we're not willing to extend to ourselves, because if we're not

725
00:54:13.080 --> 00:54:20.580
extending it to ourself, that makes it even harder to extend forgiveness to others. So there's always

726
00:54:20.620 --> 00:54:27.540
ample opportunity to forgive and to practice forgiveness, but there's also a huge blessing

727
00:54:27.540 --> 00:54:35.300
in walking in the freedom that that brings. So thank you, Bethany back to you. So good.

728
00:54:35.300 --> 00:54:39.700
For those of you that don't know, Annette is one of our success stories in the community as well.

729
00:54:40.360 --> 00:54:47.780
Arthur is her husband. When she met him, he lived in Canada. So sometimes he still is up there and

730
00:54:47.780 --> 00:54:53.260
they're working on the immigration and all the things. So that's what she's referencing. And

731
00:54:53.260 --> 00:54:57.860
so thank you for sharing that. That's so true, right? About when we look even in stories in

732
00:54:57.860 --> 00:54:59.840
the Bible, like how could that person do that?

733
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.380
And God's like, Hey, kind of like reminds me of Nathan and David, right?

734
00:55:04.520 --> 00:55:05.340
Nathan, the prophet.

735
00:55:05.460 --> 00:55:07.440
And he's like, Hey, and he's talking about this person.

736
00:55:07.620 --> 00:55:11.620
And, and then David realizes, Oh, he's talking about me.

737
00:55:12.220 --> 00:55:12.660
Right.

738
00:55:12.780 --> 00:55:14.220
It's one of those kinds of situations.

739
00:55:14.220 --> 00:55:15.640
I wanted to read this to you all.

740
00:55:15.720 --> 00:55:18.020
I know we're kind of running late, but I feel like this is important

741
00:55:18.020 --> 00:55:21.700
because I just happened to flip through and forgot this was even in the book,

742
00:55:22.100 --> 00:55:23.940
but it's in the victim mode area.

743
00:55:23.940 --> 00:55:28.260
It says we will all be the victim of something or someone in our lifetime,

744
00:55:28.260 --> 00:55:31.840
but staying in victim mode is dangerous.

745
00:55:33.060 --> 00:55:36.380
It can lead to many self-destructive patterns and behaviors.

746
00:55:37.100 --> 00:55:42.040
Most addictions, self mutilation, suicidal tendencies, chronic and

747
00:55:42.040 --> 00:55:46.240
toxic relationship patterns stem from viewing ourselves as victims.

748
00:55:46.380 --> 00:55:50.120
When you think of yourself as a victim, you create opportunities with your

749
00:55:50.120 --> 00:55:54.000
choices that continue to reinforce that identity.

750
00:55:54.320 --> 00:55:57.920
If you're not careful, you can use the bad things that have happened to you as

751
00:55:57.920 --> 00:56:03.900
an excuse to not only do bad things to yourself and others, but to continue to

752
00:56:03.900 --> 00:56:07.480
choose things that will bring you more and more suffering.

753
00:56:07.920 --> 00:56:13.580
And I know, um, we have a few ladies in here that have shared very, um,

754
00:56:13.580 --> 00:56:17.640
transparently some things, uh, sin cycles that they are working to break.

755
00:56:17.700 --> 00:56:21.780
And so I felt like it was really important to mention that, you know,

756
00:56:21.780 --> 00:56:26.540
when we partner with the victim, it says most addictions right at the beginning

757
00:56:26.540 --> 00:56:30.360
there. And some of those sin cycles, you know, that partner with lust.

758
00:56:30.760 --> 00:56:31.780
Those are addictions.

759
00:56:32.040 --> 00:56:36.780
Those can become addictions and things where we're self soothing with

760
00:56:36.780 --> 00:56:38.480
things that are lustful.

761
00:56:38.780 --> 00:56:40.940
Okay. Y'all can interpret that however you want.

762
00:56:41.120 --> 00:56:44.900
All right. But I think that it's really important for you all to know that you can

763
00:56:44.900 --> 00:56:48.600
come out of all of those kind of things, including the chronic and toxic

764
00:56:48.620 --> 00:56:50.320
relationship patterns. Just like I did.

765
00:56:50.340 --> 00:56:55.380
I came out of all of those unhealthy behaviors of being with people that

766
00:56:55.380 --> 00:56:57.040
were super toxic.

767
00:56:57.700 --> 00:57:01.640
And now I'm with like one of the most devoted people you all.

768
00:57:02.400 --> 00:57:04.660
I just, he's just really awesome.

769
00:57:05.040 --> 00:57:09.000
And so that can be your, your situation too. All right.

770
00:57:09.000 --> 00:57:11.580
So I'm getting ready to send you into the breakout session.

771
00:57:11.780 --> 00:57:16.080
Your question tonight is who do you need to forgive and why? Okay. Super simple.

772
00:57:16.100 --> 00:57:20.280
I'm going to give you six minutes. And, um, when you get into your room, ladies,

773
00:57:20.280 --> 00:57:23.720
just remember some people have internet delays. So just kind of hang out there.

774
00:57:23.720 --> 00:57:26.520
If I see that you're by yourself, I will move you.

775
00:57:26.700 --> 00:57:30.320
If you get into a room where someone is having trouble with their mic and they

776
00:57:30.320 --> 00:57:33.640
can't talk, um, you can just come, um,

777
00:57:35.700 --> 00:57:37.900
actually just ask me to come help you.

778
00:57:37.900 --> 00:57:41.260
And then I'll know that that means something's not working in your room.

779
00:57:41.260 --> 00:57:44.380
Cause sometimes when y'all come back to the main room, you get stuck there and

780
00:57:44.380 --> 00:57:48.000
it's hard for me to put you back in to your room. All right, here you go.

781
00:57:48.140 --> 00:57:50.200
Those are up on the screen for you to join.

782
00:57:50.360 --> 00:57:52.540
Go ahead and click those to join as quick as you can.

783
00:57:53.720 --> 00:57:53.720


784
00:58:02.460 --> 00:58:07.960
I bet the knee, I don't know if I was put in a breakout room yet or not.

785
00:58:08.280 --> 00:58:10.400
It should have popped right up on your screen there.

786
00:58:11.480 --> 00:58:14.520
I think it was in small mode and I saw it said breakout.

787
00:58:14.540 --> 00:58:19.120
And then when I put it in big mode, the, um, you know, the zoom,

788
00:58:19.380 --> 00:58:20.260
it disappeared.

789
00:58:20.260 --> 00:58:22.800
Okay. Let me send you a different one. I'll put,

790
00:58:22.960 --> 00:58:27.140
I'll have to just move Nari around. That's fine. And try that one.

791
00:58:27.140 --> 00:58:31.160
Do you see that popping up? Yeah. Thank you, Bethany. You're welcome.

792
00:58:31.800 --> 00:58:33.340
All right. Let me put them.

793
00:58:36.200 --> 00:58:37.960
I had a lot of people sitting by themselves.

794
00:58:38.080 --> 00:58:42.620
We had people bump out as soon as I said, breakout room, right?

795
00:58:42.840 --> 00:58:45.560
Margaret's by herself too. Sorry, y'all.

796
00:58:45.600 --> 00:58:48.420
Sometimes I got to talk through this so I don't miss people.

797
00:58:55.880 --> 00:58:56.320
Okay.

798
00:58:56.320 --> 00:58:57.600
Oh, Margaret came back, Margaret.

799
00:58:57.720 --> 00:59:01.740
I was just getting ready to put you in a different room. Are you able to, well,

800
00:59:01.820 --> 00:59:05.200
let me just send that to you. Let me hold on one second. Nari, where is she?

801
00:59:06.020 --> 00:59:10.060
She's in 20. Okay.

802
00:59:10.060 --> 00:59:11.480
Can you click to join that room?

803
00:59:17.120 --> 00:59:20.520
Awesome. I think I've gotten everybody situated.

804
00:59:20.820 --> 00:59:22.880
Father, thank you so much for this night.

805
00:59:23.640 --> 00:59:27.720
God, I thank you for revealing for healing that are happening. Lord,

806
00:59:27.900 --> 00:59:32.160
thank you for, um, also at times just showing us, um,

807
00:59:32.160 --> 00:59:35.520
just different ways that you're trying to communicate to us. Um,

808
00:59:35.520 --> 00:59:37.560
I just am so grateful that tonight,

809
00:59:37.640 --> 00:59:40.740
just things that you led me to say that I didn't bring up this afternoon.

810
00:59:40.740 --> 00:59:41.460
It just reminded me of, you know,

811
00:59:41.460 --> 00:59:41.460


812
00:59:42.240 --> 00:59:45.760
God of how fresh you are and the sense of that.

813
00:59:45.760 --> 00:59:48.860
You have a fresh word for us, you know, even throughout the day,

814
00:59:48.920 --> 00:59:53.740
like how that can even shift even just a few hours apart from each other.

815
00:59:53.760 --> 00:59:57.520
And I'm just so grateful, God, that you, um, you know,

816
00:59:57.540 --> 00:59:59.980
every one of these ladies that are here live, those that.

817
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.080
watch the replay. I just want to say to those of you that watch this replay, I heard a testimony

818
01:00:06.080 --> 01:00:09.820
today about someone that came through our program. They weren't able to join the lives,

819
01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:13.820
but they always watch the replays and how much breakthrough they got. And I just want

820
01:00:13.820 --> 01:00:18.580
you to know that we know that God can work supernaturally in your life, just as much

821
01:00:18.580 --> 01:00:23.100
as if you are here live. As much as we want you here live, we understand, and we're so

822
01:00:23.100 --> 01:00:27.400
glad that you're watching the replay. But I just feel so grateful for all the things

823
01:00:27.400 --> 01:00:31.880
that God is saying and doing. So where we just partner with you in the revealings for

824
01:00:31.880 --> 01:00:36.780
healing that are happening, God, we thank you for divine acceleration and impartation

825
01:00:36.780 --> 01:00:40.380
is a word I'm just hearing in my spirit. So I'm just going to speak that over you all,

826
01:00:40.380 --> 01:00:45.580
that God would impart to you the ability to move forward in your life and to see yourself

827
01:00:45.580 --> 01:00:49.640
through different eyes, that you would start to hear things differently, that God is inviting

828
01:00:49.640 --> 01:00:56.880
you into a divine reset, a divine realignment. And even as Jackie was saying on Saturday,

829
01:00:57.140 --> 01:01:00.660
like we're still in the fourth quarter and we still have so much breakthrough that we

830
01:01:00.660 --> 01:01:06.720
can receive and so many blessings. And we don't want to, we don't want to tuck her out,

831
01:01:07.260 --> 01:01:12.060
if you will, kind of like I was talking about at that party. I'm so grateful that I did

832
01:01:12.060 --> 01:01:16.120
try to stay engaged, even though like my, you know, like I said, these physical things

833
01:01:16.120 --> 01:01:21.300
rise up. And so whoever that's for, I want to encourage you to stay in the game, keep

834
01:01:21.300 --> 01:01:26.180
doing the hard work. Even if you're like, man, every obstacle keeps rising up. Every

835
01:01:26.180 --> 01:01:32.060
time I try to move forward, just chaos is happening all around me. I just want to encourage

836
01:01:32.180 --> 01:01:38.020
you to picture yourself. I literally just saw in my spirit, like a pool, a baby pool,

837
01:01:38.560 --> 01:01:43.100
like pool, P-O-O-L. I don't know. Sometimes when I say things, I'm like, I don't know

838
01:01:43.100 --> 01:01:47.940
if they understand what I'm saying, because how I say it, but, and you're just getting

839
01:01:47.940 --> 01:01:51.480
drenched in water and, and you might think, well, I'm an adult, so I'm not going to fit

840
01:01:51.480 --> 01:01:56.160
in there. But what I want you to understand is that even this afternoon, we talked a lot

841
01:01:56.560 --> 01:02:03.520
about God helping you all return to like who you were as kids and, and forgiving yourself

842
01:02:03.520 --> 01:02:08.940
at, in the little child area where maybe there was something that you did that you haven't

843
01:02:08.940 --> 01:02:13.480
been able to forgive yourself for. And until you forgive yourself there, a lot of you

844
01:02:13.480 --> 01:02:17.780
are going to really struggle to forgive yourself in the today, in the now. And so I want to

845
01:02:17.780 --> 01:02:21.980
encourage you to do that. And I believe that that, that image that I saw is, is kind of

846
01:02:21.980 --> 01:02:27.960
reminding me of like that childlike faith, entering into the child zone, really allowing

847
01:02:27.960 --> 01:02:33.620
yourself to love yourself really well, including again, like, you know, what were the things

848
01:02:33.620 --> 01:02:38.580
that happened when you were a child? One of the ladies was just saying like, she was

849
01:02:38.580 --> 01:02:43.560
like, felt really guilty and bad about she didn't listen to her mom about something when

850
01:02:43.560 --> 01:02:48.740
she was eight years old. And something dangerous ended up happening. Thank goodness she ended

851
01:02:48.740 --> 01:02:55.300
up being okay. But she realized in that moment, like why her mom was saying, don't go do this

852
01:02:55.300 --> 01:03:03.200
by yourself. And she had so much guilt. And she never talked to her mom about it. She

853
01:03:03.200 --> 01:03:08.760
was right out in the sun to prevent having to tell her mom like that she didn't obey.

854
01:03:09.240 --> 01:03:12.320
And I don't know that they've ever talked about it. And this was when she was eight

855
01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:17.820
years old, and she's struggling to forgive herself in some things today. And so I encouraged

856
01:03:17.820 --> 01:03:22.940
her like, go back and forgive that little girl part of yourself. And I encouraged her

857
01:03:22.940 --> 01:03:26.720
like, hey, I would, whether she gives it to her mom or not is up to her. I've asked her

858
01:03:26.720 --> 01:03:33.080
to pray about it. But I encouraged her to write a letter to her mom and tell her mom

859
01:03:33.080 --> 01:03:38.500
what happened, and apologize. And again, I asked her to pray like she doesn't mean

860
01:03:38.500 --> 01:03:42.600
she has to give it to her mom, her mom is still alive. But she can pray about it and

861
01:03:42.600 --> 01:03:46.180
decide if that's something she feels led to do. And who knows what other conversations

862
01:03:46.180 --> 01:03:50.520
could come out of that, you know. And so I want to encourage you all that that is really

863
01:03:50.600 --> 01:03:56.140
beautiful. You know, a reminder of all the healing that God wants to do in us not just

864
01:03:56.140 --> 01:04:01.200
in the here and now, but he wants to go back to those areas. And those places and spaces

865
01:04:01.200 --> 01:04:07.820
in our hearts that we have longed for freedom. And maybe we've forgotten about them. Psalm

866
01:04:07.820 --> 01:04:12.460
1 verse 3 in the Passion Translation says this, he will be standing firm like a flourishing

867
01:04:12.460 --> 01:04:19.980
tree planted by God's design, deeply rooted by the brooks of bliss, bearing fruit in every

868
01:04:19.980 --> 01:04:30.940
season of his life. He is never dry, never fainting, ever blessed, ever prosperous. And

869
01:04:30.940 --> 01:04:36.940
we will become these flourishing trees planted by your design next to that river of living

870
01:04:36.940 --> 01:04:42.900
water and we will we will receive your abundant life, your truth, your healing into every

871
01:04:42.900 --> 01:04:48.160
area of our hearts and lives. Love that. Welcome back. So glad to have you back really quickly.

872
01:04:48.580 --> 01:04:53.720
Your activations for this week are forgiveness prayer sheets. So you're whether you're in

873
01:04:53.720 --> 01:04:58.880
week four or not. Forgiveness prayer sheets are under week four. It's also under the welcome

874
01:04:58.880 --> 01:04:59.940
tab in the last year single.

875
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.780
app. I want to encourage you to go ahead and

876
01:05:04.640 --> 01:05:09.400
want to encourage you to go ahead and fill out the forgiveness prayer sheet.

877
01:05:09.520 --> 01:05:12.700
Again, remember to forgive all the people that are related to the story.

878
01:05:12.760 --> 01:05:15.020
And for some of you, I get this question a lot.

879
01:05:15.740 --> 01:05:22.980
Do I need to do, do I need to do a forgiveness prayer sheet for

880
01:05:23.320 --> 01:05:26.120
every single thing that these people did to me?

881
01:05:27.340 --> 01:05:30.080
Well, what is the Lord telling you to forgive them for?

882
01:05:30.440 --> 01:05:33.360
Is he telling you to forgive them for every single thing they ever did,

883
01:05:33.620 --> 01:05:38.400
you know, to you? If not, then you don't need to go back and do all those. You

884
01:05:38.440 --> 01:05:40.600
need to forgive them for what the Lord is

885
01:05:41.220 --> 01:05:46.460
highlighting to you to forgive them for. And so you're going to get that

886
01:05:46.460 --> 01:05:48.920
sheet. You're going to fill it out. You're going to pray

887
01:05:49.540 --> 01:05:53.400
to forgive them and release them. And you're going to pray whatever else to

888
01:05:53.540 --> 01:05:55.720
forgive if you need to forgive yourself or anything.

889
01:05:56.200 --> 01:05:58.760
And you're going to follow that. That's activation number one.

890
01:05:59.660 --> 01:06:02.680
Activation number two is you're going to come into the group. Blast your single

891
01:06:02.680 --> 01:06:06.380
app under the community tab. And I want you to share with us who is

892
01:06:06.380 --> 01:06:08.400
someone that you're forgiving this week and why.

893
01:06:09.220 --> 01:06:13.500
Just tell us about it, okay? If you're struggling to forgive someone, again,

894
01:06:13.540 --> 01:06:16.740
there's no shame. Even though I've talked about like, hey, we don't partner with

895
01:06:16.740 --> 01:06:18.760
hard. If you're still struggling with it, let's

896
01:06:18.760 --> 01:06:21.140
let's talk about it. Come into the group. Let us know.

897
01:06:21.140 --> 01:06:25.520
Because most likely there's just another level of healing and revelation that you

898
01:06:25.520 --> 01:06:30.140
need to help you get to that place, okay? All right. I'm gonna go ahead and start

899
01:06:30.140 --> 01:06:31.420
with Nari. Hi.

900
01:06:33.580 --> 01:06:39.000
Hi. So there was a lot that you shared tonight

901
01:06:39.320 --> 01:06:46.260
and that I want to talk about but I won't take up all the time. But the one

902
01:06:46.260 --> 01:06:50.880
thing that I wanted to say was it's actually interesting that this was

903
01:06:50.880 --> 01:06:53.420
the topic tonight because I've been dealing with this

904
01:06:53.420 --> 01:06:58.420
over the weekend it came up. And I just finished the forgiveness module. So I'm

905
01:06:58.420 --> 01:07:01.940
doing the forgiveness prayer sheets slowly

906
01:07:02.620 --> 01:07:10.580
for things that are coming up. And for me, I have spent a lot of my time

907
01:07:10.580 --> 01:07:14.480
and I've done a lot of work and healing around forgiveness with my

908
01:07:14.480 --> 01:07:17.780
family of origin. Particularly my father

909
01:07:19.000 --> 01:07:23.160
because of all of the ways that he has hurt me,

910
01:07:24.140 --> 01:07:31.000
hurt my family, and especially my mom as well. And so

911
01:07:32.240 --> 01:07:35.920
recently my mom has been dealing with some health issues. I don't live at home

912
01:07:35.920 --> 01:07:39.040
with my parents but I've been feeling a bit guilty not

913
01:07:39.040 --> 01:07:42.560
living at home because I feel like part of my role is to kind of

914
01:07:42.560 --> 01:07:45.940
help them out in any way that I can. And

915
01:07:46.000 --> 01:07:50.320
my mom is kind of like holding it all together but she's also dealing with

916
01:07:50.320 --> 01:07:53.520
health issues. And my dad isn't like, I mean my dad

917
01:07:53.520 --> 01:07:55.600
has always been my dad, the same kind of person.

918
01:07:56.220 --> 01:07:59.020
And this recent weekend I was there visiting

919
01:07:59.400 --> 01:08:03.160
and me and my dad got into an argument again. Like I got into an argument

920
01:08:04.500 --> 01:08:10.580
because he's very like opinionated and I am too but he

921
01:08:10.580 --> 01:08:13.920
can become quite aggressive when he's trying to

922
01:08:13.920 --> 01:08:19.240
share his opinion and enforce it on me. And more specifically like he's trying

923
01:08:19.240 --> 01:08:22.100
to tell me what I should be spending my money on

924
01:08:22.100 --> 01:08:24.560
which really triggered me because he's like, you need a new car.

925
01:08:24.620 --> 01:08:26.760
And I know it's coming from a good place but

926
01:08:28.100 --> 01:08:32.300
whenever I express my opinion or whenever I try to assert myself with him

927
01:08:32.560 --> 01:08:36.859
he gets angry and he doubles down on what he thinks I should be doing.

928
01:08:36.859 --> 01:08:40.180
And so as a result I've always struggled with

929
01:08:40.180 --> 01:08:43.020
people pleasing and setting boundaries and I've gotten really

930
01:08:43.100 --> 01:08:47.620
a lot better at that in the last few years. But it still comes up with him

931
01:08:47.620 --> 01:08:51.979
where I get really stressed and then I get really angry and I have a lot of

932
01:08:52.540 --> 01:08:55.800
internal anger that I've been trying to work through

933
01:08:55.800 --> 01:08:59.140
and I have. And now as an adult I have an

934
01:08:59.140 --> 01:09:06.840
autoimmune condition because I've probably internalized all that

935
01:09:06.840 --> 01:09:13.200
I found myself so upset and bitter and angry at him after that conversation

936
01:09:13.380 --> 01:09:17.600
and then Sunday I woke up and I didn't want to go to church. I forced myself to

937
01:09:17.600 --> 01:09:20.800
go. I was just not in the mood and I just

938
01:09:20.800 --> 01:09:24.220
noticed it kind of stayed with me for the whole weekend and

939
01:09:24.220 --> 01:09:28.640
it's so hard because I feel like I have forgiven him and I

940
01:09:29.279 --> 01:09:31.819
have developed a better relationship with him

941
01:09:31.819 --> 01:09:35.040
now than I ever have in my life. And then he still does these things so he's not

942
01:09:35.040 --> 01:09:37.220
really willing to change it's just who he is

943
01:09:37.260 --> 01:09:43.720
and it's like how do I continue to keep this relationship,

944
01:09:44.359 --> 01:09:48.160
set my boundaries and have like I guess how do I

945
01:09:48.580 --> 01:09:51.779
how do I navigate this when I almost feel like

946
01:09:51.960 --> 01:09:56.140
I have to continuously deal with something when someone is not willing to

947
01:09:56.440 --> 01:09:59.860
I guess they they're just difficult right he's a difficult

948
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.600
person. So I feel like I'm like, Oh, I have to forgive him

949
01:10:02.600 --> 01:10:04.920
again. And it's just going to be like, something I have to do

950
01:10:04.920 --> 01:10:07.340
for the rest of my life. And then I get angry. And then I

951
01:10:07.340 --> 01:10:13.100
feel like why am I still getting triggered about this? So yeah,

952
01:10:13.100 --> 01:10:16.440
it's just it's, it's a lot. And then I then I feel bad for my

953
01:10:19.640 --> 01:10:20.940
mom. I don't know.

954
01:10:22.540 --> 01:10:26.880
Yeah, great questions. I will say to I mentioned this this

955
01:10:26.890 --> 01:10:30.590
afternoon, you know, with the holidays coming, you know, I

956
01:10:30.590 --> 01:10:34.970
want you all to really be in a place of prayer about who God is

957
01:10:34.970 --> 01:10:40.070
asking you to be around. If some of you have really toxic

958
01:10:41.810 --> 01:10:45.030
families, you know, I really want you to pray about does God

959
01:10:45.030 --> 01:10:48.590
want you to go around them right now? And I'm not saying you

960
01:10:48.590 --> 01:10:51.110
shouldn't, I'm just want you to be in prayer about it. And then

961
01:10:51.110 --> 01:10:54.650
when you go around them that you are, you know, really going in

962
01:10:54.650 --> 01:10:57.790
with a heart of not expecting them to give you something they

963
01:10:57.790 --> 01:11:02.130
can't give you. Okay. And so Nari, I think part of it is that,

964
01:11:02.250 --> 01:11:05.150
you know, it's a level of expectation that you're going to

965
01:11:05.150 --> 01:11:09.830
have to let go of who your dad is, and who you want him to be.

966
01:11:10.750 --> 01:11:14.110
It sounds like that's not where he is at. And he may not be

967
01:11:14.110 --> 01:11:17.930
capable of that at this point in his life. Now, God can absolutely

968
01:11:17.950 --> 01:11:21.530
continue to heal him. But you know, that takes a heart that

969
01:11:21.530 --> 01:11:25.230
wants to be teachable, and that's soft, right. And so for

970
01:11:25.230 --> 01:11:29.490
now, I think the biggest thing is really letting go of that

971
01:11:29.490 --> 01:11:32.930
expectation of him being someone that he cannot be right now.

972
01:11:33.190 --> 01:11:37.330
And I don't, sorry, and I don't like have that expectation for

973
01:11:37.330 --> 01:11:41.430
him. It's just that when he continuously does things that

974
01:11:41.430 --> 01:11:46.010
are disrespectful, I am no longer in a position where I feel

975
01:11:46.010 --> 01:11:50.310
like I have to tolerate that, speak up, and he doesn't like it.

976
01:11:50.310 --> 01:11:53.850
And then it kind of escalates. So that's where it gets really

977
01:11:53.850 --> 01:11:59.070
challenging. And then, and then it blows up. And then I become a

978
01:11:59.070 --> 01:12:02.450
person that I don't want to be, because I feel like that old

979
01:12:02.450 --> 01:12:05.610
dynamic is playing out from my childhood that I'm trying to

980
01:12:05.610 --> 01:12:09.570
work through. And it's so conflicting, because I love him.

981
01:12:09.630 --> 01:12:12.230
And there's also a lot of good things about him. And he does a

982
01:12:12.230 --> 01:12:19.710
lot for me. It's just that he has his own wounds. And he, he

983
01:12:19.710 --> 01:12:23.590
considered, you know, it sounds like you all when you get into a

984
01:12:24.430 --> 01:12:27.770
verbal interaction that doesn't go well. Have you ever and I

985
01:12:27.770 --> 01:12:30.250
don't know the health of your dad, if he would be able to

986
01:12:30.250 --> 01:12:33.370
handle this. So I'm just presenting it as an idea. Have

987
01:12:33.370 --> 01:12:38.170
you ever considered writing him a letter and telling him how it

988
01:12:38.610 --> 01:12:42.790
feels when you know, he reacts the way that he does.

989
01:12:44.110 --> 01:12:46.990
He's not someone that would be able to,

990
01:12:47.510 --> 01:12:50.790
that's okay. He's an immigrant. He doesn't really like English

991
01:12:50.790 --> 01:12:55.250
is not his first language. So it's just not something that

992
01:12:56.150 --> 01:13:00.030
yeah, I figured just asking again, this is me learning

993
01:13:00.030 --> 01:13:03.030
you're all stories too, because I don't know all the layers and

994
01:13:03.030 --> 01:13:06.230
components you're dealing with every single day. So really, the

995
01:13:06.230 --> 01:13:09.910
only thing I can say is that it's about you continuing to

996
01:13:09.910 --> 01:13:14.910
heal and change when that interaction is happening. And he

997
01:13:14.970 --> 01:13:18.670
starts escalating. Have you and you might have tried this

998
01:13:18.670 --> 01:13:20.550
before, but it's just again, because I don't know, have you

999
01:13:20.550 --> 01:13:26.430
ever tried saying, Dad, if you continue to yell, or if you

1000
01:13:26.430 --> 01:13:31.690
continue to say hurtful things to me, I'm going to leave.

1001
01:13:32.690 --> 01:13:36.650
Whether that's the room or the house, I'm not going to continue

1002
01:13:36.930 --> 01:13:40.630
to stay in this dynamic with you.

1003
01:13:41.530 --> 01:13:45.890
Mm hmm. Have you ever have you ever in the middle of that,

1004
01:13:45.890 --> 01:13:50.110
again, not like really partnered with asking the Holy Spirit to

1005
01:13:50.110 --> 01:13:53.270
help you be in self control that fruit of the spirit of self

1006
01:13:53.470 --> 01:13:58.530
control, and set a healthy boundary and say, Hey, Dad, I,

1007
01:13:58.970 --> 01:14:02.490
I'm not going to stay in this place with you and continue to

1008
01:14:02.490 --> 01:14:06.110
escalate and argue. So if you continue to raise your voice at

1009
01:14:06.110 --> 01:14:09.370
me, I'm going to leave the room or I'm going to leave the house.

1010
01:14:09.370 --> 01:14:10.870
Have you ever tried that?

1011
01:14:13.930 --> 01:14:19.290
I think maybe once but not, like not really, because I don't, I

1012
01:14:19.290 --> 01:14:21.810
really struggle with self control. And I really have a

1013
01:14:21.810 --> 01:14:25.590
hard time. Hey, yeah, yeah, that's okay. And this is again,

1014
01:14:25.610 --> 01:14:29.710
this is how I can help you continue to grow. So I would

1015
01:14:29.710 --> 01:14:33.590
love to see you move in that direction. Okay, so let's talk

1016
01:14:34.030 --> 01:14:38.350
about what triggers you. So what is the lie that you're hearing

1017
01:14:38.350 --> 01:14:42.410
or, you know, when you're feeling enraged? Because I think

1018
01:14:42.410 --> 01:14:45.110
that's what I'm hearing you say. It's not just that you're

1019
01:14:45.110 --> 01:14:49.170
feeling angry. Does your flesh like when I say this, not like

1020
01:14:49.170 --> 01:14:52.830
literal, but does it feel like you're boiling a little bit?

1021
01:14:53.790 --> 01:14:57.930
Okay. So I've been there. And I want you to know, a lot of

1022
01:14:57.930 --> 01:14:58.830
people feel that.

1023
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.300
but we have to look at what's really causing us

1024
01:15:04.300 --> 01:15:05.300
to feel that way.

1025
01:15:05.880 --> 01:15:07.740
Is it what they're saying and doing,

1026
01:15:08.020 --> 01:15:09.960
or is it something that they did before

1027
01:15:09.960 --> 01:15:11.800
that we've never fully forgiven,

1028
01:15:12.200 --> 01:15:16.600
or a lie that we're hearing as they're saying something?

1029
01:15:18.020 --> 01:15:23.380
So with him, I think it feels like

1030
01:15:24.600 --> 01:15:28.080
when I'm having these conversations with him,

1031
01:15:28.080 --> 01:15:31.760
I almost feel like he's trying to exert control over me,

1032
01:15:31.860 --> 01:15:33.620
and it feels very suffocating,

1033
01:15:35.260 --> 01:15:41.460
and he's trying to overstep in a very significant way,

1034
01:15:41.580 --> 01:15:45.600
and it makes me feel really powerless,

1035
01:15:46.680 --> 01:15:49.340
and it feels like what I felt like when I was a kid.

1036
01:15:50.100 --> 01:15:53.460
Okay, all right, so here's a couple things.

1037
01:15:53.660 --> 01:15:57.820
No coincidence, when you were talking earlier

1038
01:15:57.820 --> 01:15:59.940
about the anger, I put an arrow,

1039
01:16:00.160 --> 01:16:02.120
and I wrote feels out of control,

1040
01:16:02.560 --> 01:16:05.020
and I didn't even know you were gonna end up saying that.

1041
01:16:05.240 --> 01:16:07.400
So the Lord already knows what you're dealing with.

1042
01:16:08.740 --> 01:16:11.560
So a couple things just to help you recognize,

1043
01:16:12.960 --> 01:16:17.940
when we, any of us say, they make me feel this way,

1044
01:16:18.600 --> 01:16:22.560
that's actually us giving them all the power, okay?

1045
01:16:22.600 --> 01:16:26.740
The reality is, is we feel, we feel something.

1046
01:16:27.500 --> 01:16:31.300
They're doing things, and it is impacting us, but we feel.

1047
01:16:32.280 --> 01:16:36.040
So instead of us saying, they make me feel this way,

1048
01:16:36.120 --> 01:16:38.840
or they made me do this, we say,

1049
01:16:39.280 --> 01:16:42.820
I feel this way when you yell at me,

1050
01:16:42.960 --> 01:16:47.760
or I feel this way when you do things to try to control me.

1051
01:16:47.800 --> 01:16:51.200
Do you see where the ownership comes into play there, okay?

1052
01:16:51.460 --> 01:16:53.080
When we're literally saying,

1053
01:16:53.160 --> 01:16:54.640
you're making me feel this way,

1054
01:16:54.660 --> 01:16:56.540
we're literally giving them all the power.

1055
01:16:56.540 --> 01:17:00.080
It's very real that you're feeling powerless,

1056
01:17:01.200 --> 01:17:04.440
because you're basically, without realizing it,

1057
01:17:04.640 --> 01:17:06.540
subconsciously giving him all the power,

1058
01:17:06.840 --> 01:17:08.960
because you're saying, you're making me,

1059
01:17:08.960 --> 01:17:12.140
versus saying, okay, this doesn't feel safe,

1060
01:17:12.940 --> 01:17:16.920
and I feel sad, or I feel angry,

1061
01:17:17.160 --> 01:17:22.500
or I feel rebellious, whatever the thing is,

1062
01:17:22.500 --> 01:17:25.200
that we feel when a situation is happening.

1063
01:17:25.200 --> 01:17:29.920
So I think the more that you start to kind of break down

1064
01:17:29.920 --> 01:17:31.340
the things that you're feeling,

1065
01:17:31.560 --> 01:17:32.960
and the lies that you're hearing

1066
01:17:32.960 --> 01:17:34.200
when this stuff is happening,

1067
01:17:34.600 --> 01:17:37.220
I think it's gonna be easier a little bit more

1068
01:17:37.220 --> 01:17:39.320
and more every day for you to identify,

1069
01:17:39.840 --> 01:17:41.280
okay, what is really going on here?

1070
01:17:41.720 --> 01:17:42.580
What's the core?

1071
01:17:43.980 --> 01:17:45.820
And the last thing I was gonna say

1072
01:17:45.820 --> 01:17:48.080
is when you all were in the breakouts, I was sharing,

1073
01:17:48.940 --> 01:17:51.240
so you might wanna go back and just take a quick listen

1074
01:17:51.320 --> 01:17:53.240
to that little segment when you were

1075
01:17:53.240 --> 01:17:54.180
in the breakout session,

1076
01:17:54.280 --> 01:17:57.700
because I was talking about one of the ladies

1077
01:17:57.700 --> 01:18:00.320
this afternoon was sharing an area

1078
01:18:00.320 --> 01:18:02.140
where she really needed to forgive herself now,

1079
01:18:02.160 --> 01:18:03.340
but she was struggling to,

1080
01:18:03.960 --> 01:18:06.160
and what the Lord highlighted to me

1081
01:18:06.160 --> 01:18:08.440
is that there was something when she was younger

1082
01:18:09.620 --> 01:18:11.460
where she didn't forgive herself for that.

1083
01:18:11.600 --> 01:18:13.040
And so because of that,

1084
01:18:13.120 --> 01:18:15.380
every time she did something after that,

1085
01:18:15.400 --> 01:18:17.280
and she struggled to forgive herself,

1086
01:18:17.320 --> 01:18:19.020
it just started creating this stronghold.

1087
01:18:19.940 --> 01:18:23.980
But ultimately, it just kept coming up this common thread,

1088
01:18:24.220 --> 01:18:26.360
we need to forgive ourselves as our little,

1089
01:18:26.660 --> 01:18:28.460
like the younger version of ourselves.

1090
01:18:28.720 --> 01:18:30.460
And so you said to me,

1091
01:18:31.100 --> 01:18:34.540
it reminds me of how I felt when I was a kid.

1092
01:18:35.940 --> 01:18:39.040
And so coming into that place where Nari

1093
01:18:39.040 --> 01:18:41.260
is like the younger version of you,

1094
01:18:41.400 --> 01:18:44.540
when you didn't feel safe or it felt out of control,

1095
01:18:44.980 --> 01:18:47.040
it felt like you didn't have any power,

1096
01:18:47.760 --> 01:18:50.020
you know, really asking the Lord to highlight

1097
01:18:50.020 --> 01:18:53.880
the first time you as a child felt powerless.

1098
01:18:56.160 --> 01:18:58.500
Okay, and even if you've worked on it before,

1099
01:18:58.600 --> 01:19:01.680
I really think allowing the Lord to help you come in,

1100
01:19:02.080 --> 01:19:05.140
it's almost like the grown up now version of yourself,

1101
01:19:06.160 --> 01:19:08.620
kind of in your mind's eye, in your spirit,

1102
01:19:08.780 --> 01:19:11.060
you envision yourself going to the small,

1103
01:19:11.220 --> 01:19:12.140
young version of yourself,

1104
01:19:12.820 --> 01:19:15.580
and hugging yourself, and loving yourself,

1105
01:19:15.580 --> 01:19:20.180
and helping you understand like, okay, like we're a team,

1106
01:19:20.700 --> 01:19:22.780
and I can heal back here.

1107
01:19:23.200 --> 01:19:25.180
So therefore I can heal here.

1108
01:19:25.480 --> 01:19:26.940
Does that make sense?

1109
01:19:27.740 --> 01:19:28.080
It does.

1110
01:19:28.160 --> 01:19:29.940
And I've done a lot of that work before.

1111
01:19:30.260 --> 01:19:30.520
Yeah.

1112
01:19:30.560 --> 01:19:32.820
And I actually am working mental health,

1113
01:19:32.820 --> 01:19:34.340
I'm a therapist as well.

1114
01:19:34.700 --> 01:19:35.340
Yeah.

1115
01:19:36.120 --> 01:19:37.680
It's just exhausting.

1116
01:19:37.680 --> 01:19:39.460
I'm like, why does it keep coming up?

1117
01:19:40.240 --> 01:19:42.560
Well, it's probably because it's,

1118
01:19:42.760 --> 01:19:45.260
again, there's probably a stronghold in there,

1119
01:19:45.260 --> 01:19:48.000
because we're, again, like,

1120
01:19:48.400 --> 01:19:50.540
where there's these similar patterns that are happening,

1121
01:19:50.800 --> 01:19:51.740
and happening, and happening,

1122
01:19:52.160 --> 01:19:55.320
it just creates just like that stronger place.

1123
01:19:55.560 --> 01:19:56.980
And here's the other thing, Nari,

1124
01:19:57.320 --> 01:19:59.980
is you might be up against something that your mom.

1125
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.920
struggled with that's similar, or even your dad.

1126
01:20:03.380 --> 01:20:06.440
So there could be a generational component to what you're battling,

1127
01:20:06.760 --> 01:20:09.340
and that might be why it feels harder to overcome it.

1128
01:20:09.960 --> 01:20:13.260
Even though, like, I will tell you a lot of people that are in

1129
01:20:13.320 --> 01:20:17.420
helps ministries or help, you know, like the things that you do,

1130
01:20:18.340 --> 01:20:22.140
we all tend to need someone else to help us get breakthrough too,

1131
01:20:22.140 --> 01:20:24.480
because no matter how much we've worked on stuff,

1132
01:20:24.920 --> 01:20:28.240
sometimes we just can't see it for ourselves because we

1133
01:20:28.240 --> 01:20:31.100
we're so busy caring for everybody else, right?

1134
01:20:31.500 --> 01:20:34.060
And so I just want to encourage you in that,

1135
01:20:34.120 --> 01:20:37.760
even though you've done a lot of work in that area,

1136
01:20:39.020 --> 01:20:42.920
ask the Lord to do the heavy lifting this time though, okay?

1137
01:20:43.220 --> 01:20:44.880
I think that's super important,

1138
01:20:45.020 --> 01:20:47.860
like really envisioning Jesus there with you,

1139
01:20:47.900 --> 01:20:49.960
helping you hug yourself and love yourself,

1140
01:20:50.100 --> 01:20:53.120
and letting him take the burden off of you.

1141
01:20:53.180 --> 01:20:56.660
This isn't something you have to perform or make happen.

1142
01:20:58.440 --> 01:21:01.600
Ladies, it's really important for y'all to not partner in striving

1143
01:21:01.600 --> 01:21:03.100
and feeling like, you know,

1144
01:21:03.600 --> 01:21:06.500
gosh, I feel like I've done all this work and I keep struggling

1145
01:21:06.500 --> 01:21:07.740
and why can't I ever break free?

1146
01:21:08.220 --> 01:21:10.440
Like, again, partnering with the truth

1147
01:21:10.440 --> 01:21:14.140
that you are actually already free in the spirit.

1148
01:21:15.680 --> 01:21:19.620
But it's allowing your physical being to catch up

1149
01:21:19.620 --> 01:21:21.140
with what's going on in the spirit realm

1150
01:21:21.140 --> 01:21:24.320
and what's already been accomplished for you through Jesus Christ.

1151
01:21:25.400 --> 01:21:27.260
Yeah, that's actually so true.

1152
01:21:27.260 --> 01:21:29.100
And even when you said that,

1153
01:21:29.200 --> 01:21:31.300
like, I know I'm still affected by it

1154
01:21:31.300 --> 01:21:33.680
because I can feel that heaviness in my chest.

1155
01:21:35.500 --> 01:21:38.740
And what you just said about striving,

1156
01:21:38.740 --> 01:21:40.020
I think that's part of it.

1157
01:21:40.020 --> 01:21:43.780
It's like, I'm trying to like, just kind of cycle through this.

1158
01:21:43.880 --> 01:21:44.840
Okay, I need to get it done.

1159
01:21:44.840 --> 01:21:49.420
It's like very much striving, like kind of working for it

1160
01:21:49.520 --> 01:21:52.060
instead of letting it kind of unfold.

1161
01:21:52.920 --> 01:21:56.300
Yeah, and I think just again, also from my perspective,

1162
01:21:58.200 --> 01:22:00.040
sometimes I even feel like,

1163
01:22:00.180 --> 01:22:01.980
why am I getting tripped up by this?

1164
01:22:02.180 --> 01:22:02.800
I know better.

1165
01:22:03.200 --> 01:22:05.320
Like, you know, I do this for people all the time.

1166
01:22:05.420 --> 01:22:07.660
And I think there's a level of,

1167
01:22:08.260 --> 01:22:12.420
we feel like we shouldn't have to do this stuff to a degree.

1168
01:22:12.460 --> 01:22:13.960
Not that we don't think we need healing,

1169
01:22:14.200 --> 01:22:16.540
but like we know better, you know,

1170
01:22:16.540 --> 01:22:18.380
you know better than this kind of thing.

1171
01:22:18.540 --> 01:22:19.940
And the enemy is just, again,

1172
01:22:19.940 --> 01:22:22.700
he's just trying to condemn and say this silly stuff.

1173
01:22:22.700 --> 01:22:24.460
And then we pick up on it and we're like,

1174
01:22:24.680 --> 01:22:27.240
oh my gosh, yeah, why am I struggling with this?

1175
01:22:27.240 --> 01:22:28.000
I should know better.

1176
01:22:28.080 --> 01:22:29.960
And we start condemning ourselves.

1177
01:22:30.780 --> 01:22:32.240
Do you see how that starts to work?

1178
01:22:32.740 --> 01:22:34.800
And so really partnering with grace

1179
01:22:34.800 --> 01:22:36.900
as you're moving forward with this.

1180
01:22:37.860 --> 01:22:41.440
And again, allowing Jesus to do the heavy lifting for you.

1181
01:22:41.500 --> 01:22:43.340
This is a new season for you, Nari,

1182
01:22:43.800 --> 01:22:45.660
as you move forward where,

1183
01:22:46.120 --> 01:22:47.760
yeah, you've done the work in the past.

1184
01:22:47.880 --> 01:22:49.840
You've done a lot of work that's helped you

1185
01:22:49.840 --> 01:22:51.020
get to where you are.

1186
01:22:51.500 --> 01:22:52.980
That's the reality, right?

1187
01:22:53.100 --> 01:22:57.000
And so now it's just that Jesus wants to take you there

1188
01:22:57.000 --> 01:22:59.560
and show you where he's at in that and let,

1189
01:22:59.900 --> 01:23:02.440
like, where you literally envision him if you have to.

1190
01:23:02.960 --> 01:23:05.120
Like, here, Jesus, and you just give him the backpack.

1191
01:23:06.640 --> 01:23:09.500
Like, I need you to heal this younger version of me

1192
01:23:09.500 --> 01:23:11.660
because I've done everything I know to do.

1193
01:23:12.140 --> 01:23:14.260
And I'm realizing and reminded

1194
01:23:14.260 --> 01:23:17.340
that I can't do anything apart from you.

1195
01:23:17.460 --> 01:23:19.140
Like, I need you to do it.

1196
01:23:19.980 --> 01:23:20.500
Yeah.

1197
01:23:20.940 --> 01:23:21.460
Yeah.

1198
01:23:21.560 --> 01:23:22.780
Yeah, that's good.

1199
01:23:22.880 --> 01:23:24.260
Okay, thank you.

1200
01:23:24.260 --> 01:23:24.920
You're welcome.

1201
01:23:25.120 --> 01:23:26.180
We'll be praying for you.

1202
01:23:26.180 --> 01:23:27.560
Let us know how it goes, okay?

1203
01:23:28.000 --> 01:23:28.640
Thanks.

1204
01:23:28.800 --> 01:23:29.680
You're welcome.

1205
01:23:30.840 --> 01:23:33.000
Eloise, go ahead.

1206
01:23:35.660 --> 01:23:36.380
Hello.

1207
01:23:37.040 --> 01:23:37.340
Hi.

1208
01:23:38.380 --> 01:23:45.700
So I talked about before a gal that approached me

1209
01:23:45.700 --> 01:23:52.700
in my home group and Landa and how she said

1210
01:23:52.700 --> 01:23:58.920
that I never reached out to her

1211
01:23:58.920 --> 01:24:01.000
and ask how she's doing and all this.

1212
01:24:02.780 --> 01:24:07.720
And I have tended, and I guess I still do,

1213
01:24:08.000 --> 01:24:10.300
tend to make it all about me.

1214
01:24:12.840 --> 01:24:16.860
And you had said something, you usually say this,

1215
01:24:18.560 --> 01:24:20.300
you know, when did this first happen?

1216
01:24:20.600 --> 01:24:21.440
When did this begin?

1217
01:24:22.160 --> 01:24:28.900
And I had a mother who never understood

1218
01:24:31.780 --> 01:24:35.640
that quality time and words of affirmation,

1219
01:24:35.980 --> 01:24:37.400
those are my two love languages.

1220
01:24:37.760 --> 01:24:39.420
And she never got that.

1221
01:24:39.640 --> 01:24:40.920
I never got that from her

1222
01:24:40.920 --> 01:24:42.400
because she didn't know how to give it.

1223
01:24:42.940 --> 01:24:49.400
So I think I, and I'm single, obviously.

1224
01:24:49.400 --> 01:24:56.160
And so I tend to need to talk to people

1225
01:24:56.620 --> 01:24:58.220
since I live alone.

1226
01:24:58.260 --> 01:24:59.640
Well, I don't live alone now.

1227
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:09.220
Um, but anyway, so, and one of the things you said tonight was that, and

1228
01:25:09.220 --> 01:25:15.300
Londa's a lovely gal, but she needs, she needs last year single for sure.

1229
01:25:15.600 --> 01:25:22.640
I think, but, um, uh, anyway, I think she's got those glasses on that.

1230
01:25:22.760 --> 01:25:27.960
There's some healing that she needs, you know, but I'm not saying that I

1231
01:25:27.960 --> 01:25:30.040
don't need to change because I do.

1232
01:25:30.720 --> 01:25:35.240
And I reached out to one of the leaders and in our home church and,

1233
01:25:35.520 --> 01:25:41.620
and we talked about it some, but, um, I don't know.

1234
01:25:41.700 --> 01:25:47.280
I've just, with everything I'm dealing with, with, uh, a job search

1235
01:25:47.280 --> 01:25:49.500
that's gone on for way too long.

1236
01:25:49.500 --> 01:26:01.360
And, uh, so looking for a job and doing this and, uh, just trying to figure

1237
01:26:01.360 --> 01:26:03.160
out finances and all this stuff.

1238
01:26:03.180 --> 01:26:04.900
I just, it's just overwhelming.

1239
01:26:05.740 --> 01:26:06.300
And, um,

1240
01:26:06.300 --> 01:26:09.820
so are you feeling led to choose to forgive her tonight?

1241
01:26:10.020 --> 01:26:12.820
Is that, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1242
01:26:12.820 --> 01:26:18.600
And I'd already started that, but, um, but I had better

1243
01:26:18.600 --> 01:26:24.280
understanding a little bit tonight because I think she's got those

1244
01:26:24.280 --> 01:26:28.360
rose colored, well, they're not rose colored, but whatever they are.

1245
01:26:29.860 --> 01:26:33.400
Um, you know, I'm understanding a little better where she's coming from.

1246
01:26:33.460 --> 01:26:36.680
I still don't know exactly how to do this.

1247
01:26:36.780 --> 01:26:43.040
And I'm, um, it just seems like this little home church that I've been in.

1248
01:26:43.920 --> 01:26:51.240
Um, you know, I, I met most of these people since I lost my job.

1249
01:26:51.260 --> 01:26:57.660
And so they don't, they don't know me, uh, in, in any other way, but kind of,

1250
01:26:59.020 --> 01:27:04.080
um, uh, you know, in, in lack.

1251
01:27:04.580 --> 01:27:05.040
Yeah.

1252
01:27:05.040 --> 01:27:10.000
And one of the things I do think that can happen, and I'm not saying this is true

1253
01:27:10.000 --> 01:27:13.500
for you, Eloise, but I just feel led to mention it because I've been in this

1254
01:27:13.500 --> 01:27:17.440
place before, too, when you're really struggling with a lot emotionally,

1255
01:27:17.660 --> 01:27:20.720
sometimes we can like dump on people.

1256
01:27:21.920 --> 01:27:26.800
Um, and so we do have to be careful that we're not doing that, that we're not

1257
01:27:26.800 --> 01:27:30.660
just getting around people and just talking about how bad our life is.

1258
01:27:30.660 --> 01:27:31.000
Right.

1259
01:27:31.020 --> 01:27:32.580
And all the struggles that we have.

1260
01:27:32.580 --> 01:27:36.940
And again, I'm not saying that's, that's you, but just for anybody else, just

1261
01:27:36.940 --> 01:27:41.740
that we have a self-awareness of like, Hey, how long are we talking?

1262
01:27:42.600 --> 01:27:45.620
Are we taking a break and asking the other person about themselves

1263
01:27:45.620 --> 01:27:47.960
and really practicing, practicing that?

1264
01:27:47.960 --> 01:27:53.040
Um, one of the things I did when I first started leading groups online is I

1265
01:27:53.040 --> 01:27:56.280
started like really watching the clock and I would train all my

1266
01:27:56.280 --> 01:27:58.000
leaders to watch the clock.

1267
01:27:58.340 --> 01:28:03.700
And, and so the reason I say that is just paying attention to how long

1268
01:28:03.700 --> 01:28:07.380
have I been leading this part of the session and okay, opening it up to

1269
01:28:07.380 --> 01:28:11.000
other people to share and inviting people, you know, and so you all,

1270
01:28:11.100 --> 01:28:16.360
anybody, if you struggle with, you know, oversharing or talking a lot,

1271
01:28:17.520 --> 01:28:21.380
where the conversation tends to be about you and you don't, you walk away and

1272
01:28:21.380 --> 01:28:25.500
you don't really know a lot about that other person, God might be nudging you

1273
01:28:25.520 --> 01:28:30.380
tonight to start setting some boundaries and, and pay attention to how long you

1274
01:28:30.380 --> 01:28:35.100
are talking about your life and your circumstances, um, without inviting

1275
01:28:35.100 --> 01:28:39.700
someone else to be a part of that conversation where you're learning, not

1276
01:28:39.700 --> 01:28:44.500
just them talking about your situation, but like, like what's going on in their

1277
01:28:44.500 --> 01:28:48.640
worlds and, and what is, you know, God trying to show you about that

1278
01:28:48.640 --> 01:28:49.900
person through that interaction.

1279
01:28:50.080 --> 01:28:54.740
And so, um, I'm glad that you're getting more revelation regarding that woman.

1280
01:28:54.740 --> 01:28:58.380
I even said last week, I didn't think that was an accurate statement about you.

1281
01:28:58.380 --> 01:29:04.380
Um, but again, we can always learn stuff out of any situation, you all, even

1282
01:29:04.380 --> 01:29:06.760
things that are not true about us.

1283
01:29:06.760 --> 01:29:11.240
You know, remember when people say things, we should say, Lord, is this from you?

1284
01:29:11.440 --> 01:29:12.840
Is this from me?

1285
01:29:12.840 --> 01:29:13.620
Or is this from the enemy?

1286
01:29:14.280 --> 01:29:14.520
Right.

1287
01:29:14.540 --> 01:29:17.340
Where you're filtering that stuff out instead of just

1288
01:29:17.340 --> 01:29:18.740
receiving everything as true.

1289
01:29:19.300 --> 01:29:19.640
Right.

1290
01:29:20.220 --> 01:29:20.660
Right.

1291
01:29:20.660 --> 01:29:22.500
And so I'm so glad that you did that.

1292
01:29:22.500 --> 01:29:25.900
I'm glad that you're, you know, stepping into forgiveness and, and

1293
01:29:25.900 --> 01:29:27.560
choosing to forgive her for that stuff.

1294
01:29:27.560 --> 01:29:31.480
And it sounds like, you know, you're doing good stuff by just talking to people

1295
01:29:31.480 --> 01:29:35.660
that are over the groups and all of the things, and so praying that you continue

1296
01:29:35.660 --> 01:29:40.400
to heal from that and just that God gives you the wisdom on how to navigate

1297
01:29:40.400 --> 01:29:42.160
that with that woman in the days ahead.

1298
01:29:43.140 --> 01:29:49.480
Yeah, well, we were, we had a home group this Saturday night and, um, and there

1299
01:29:49.480 --> 01:29:54.740
was a time where, uh, Larry, who was doing the praise and worship, you know,

1300
01:29:54.740 --> 01:29:56.340
playing his guitar and stuff.

1301
01:29:56.820 --> 01:29:59.980
And there was a place where they said, you know, get with the.

1302
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.580
couple of people and just pray over each other.

1303
01:30:03.080 --> 01:30:07.460
And so Londa and Larry and I were holding hands and praying for each other.

1304
01:30:09.160 --> 01:30:21.320
And so, you know, maybe, maybe writing her a note might be good kind of deal.

1305
01:30:21.660 --> 01:30:26.940
But yeah, if you, if you really feel like that is from the Lord, ladies, we don't always

1306
01:30:26.940 --> 01:30:32.160
have to give people a note and say, Hey, I, you know, I forgive you, or, Hey, when you

1307
01:30:32.160 --> 01:30:33.440
said this, it hurt my feelings.

1308
01:30:33.520 --> 01:30:37.440
Now we might feel led to do that, but really follow the direction of the Holy Spirit.

1309
01:30:37.560 --> 01:30:42.260
Because sometimes ladies, you know, the enemy wants us to make mountains out of molehills,

1310
01:30:42.920 --> 01:30:45.800
you know, where we can just forgive somebody and move on.

1311
01:30:46.980 --> 01:30:51.040
And maybe we don't need to bring that up, you know, but God will show you if you need

1312
01:30:51.040 --> 01:30:52.140
to say something to her.

1313
01:30:52.140 --> 01:30:56.880
Yeah, I didn't, I wasn't thinking of, I forgive you kind of stuff.

1314
01:30:57.380 --> 01:31:04.900
I was thinking about, this is what the Lord's been showing me since you and I talked, you

1315
01:31:05.200 --> 01:31:11.320
know, because Brenda, who's one of the leaders in the group, and I wrote that to you in a

1316
01:31:11.600 --> 01:31:17.120
message that stayed there, the one I did before went away.

1317
01:31:17.400 --> 01:31:18.900
I don't know what happened, but anyway.

1318
01:31:18.900 --> 01:31:23.460
I actually saw both of your posts last week, and I commented on them saying, I see both

1319
01:31:23.460 --> 01:31:24.160
of your posts.

1320
01:31:25.180 --> 01:31:26.380
Okay, cool.

1321
01:31:26.900 --> 01:31:32.540
So anyway, she said, be present, be faithful, be right in the moment, be where your feet

1322
01:31:32.540 --> 01:31:33.040
are.

1323
01:31:33.880 --> 01:31:41.520
I said, okay, be intentional about, and listen more than we talk.

1324
01:31:41.800 --> 01:31:45.440
We don't build relationships if we don't listen, ouch.

1325
01:31:46.320 --> 01:31:56.920
So, and I really, this has been a problem for a long time and just, it got spotlighted

1326
01:31:57.480 --> 01:32:03.180
and it was devastating to me, but I really want to change this.

1327
01:32:04.380 --> 01:32:11.020
And I started talking to one of the guys that's in last year's single, just, we did a little

1328
01:32:11.020 --> 01:32:13.460
Facebook, little messenger thing.

1329
01:32:14.900 --> 01:32:25.060
And, and I, you know, I am being aware of, you're just getting to know this person, you're

1330
01:32:25.060 --> 01:32:27.200
just friends kind of deal.

1331
01:32:27.580 --> 01:32:31.580
And so, you know, tell me about yourself kind of thing.

1332
01:32:31.620 --> 01:32:32.020
Yeah.

1333
01:32:32.380 --> 01:32:32.940
Yeah.

1334
01:32:32.980 --> 01:32:37.440
So I want to just make sure everyone knows when you're in the heart work, we actually

1335
01:32:37.440 --> 01:32:41.740
ask you to press pause on any kind of interactions with guys.

1336
01:32:42.500 --> 01:32:46.580
So Eloise, I know you're trying to build friendship with him, but I'm going to encourage you to

1337
01:32:46.580 --> 01:32:47.400
stay focused.

1338
01:32:47.520 --> 01:32:49.600
You're almost finished with your heart work.

1339
01:32:50.060 --> 01:32:54.980
I would love to see you finish this and get it all the way done before you start going

1340
01:32:55.020 --> 01:32:56.660
into conversations with men.

1341
01:32:57.120 --> 01:32:57.460
Okay.

1342
01:32:57.800 --> 01:32:58.180
Okay.

1343
01:32:58.460 --> 01:32:58.860
Yeah.

1344
01:32:58.940 --> 01:33:03.160
So just be really careful of that ladies, because the enemy can also, you know, especially

1345
01:33:03.160 --> 01:33:07.000
if some of you really struggle with distraction and she's had some health things that are

1346
01:33:07.000 --> 01:33:08.120
part of that for her too.

1347
01:33:08.120 --> 01:33:13.060
So it's not just like, she's not doing the work, but I just see like there, the enemy's

1348
01:33:13.060 --> 01:33:17.780
just dangling this other thing to kind of lead her away from what the heart work.

1349
01:33:17.880 --> 01:33:23.500
Remember I said at the beginning, if God has led us to the heart work, that is like, God

1350
01:33:23.500 --> 01:33:25.460
needs to be our focus.

1351
01:33:26.120 --> 01:33:26.580
Yeah.

1352
01:33:26.700 --> 01:33:29.320
And so I want to encourage you to just keep leaning in.

1353
01:33:29.320 --> 01:33:31.540
Let's, let's keep moving forward in the heart work.

1354
01:33:31.540 --> 01:33:37.100
And, um, really cheer you on, just finish that all the way through and really appreciate

1355
01:33:37.100 --> 01:33:38.060
you sharing tonight.

1356
01:33:38.060 --> 01:33:40.800
I'm going to have Tiffany share, uh, next.

1357
01:33:42.820 --> 01:33:43.580
Thank you.

1358
01:33:43.880 --> 01:33:44.780
You're so welcome.

1359
01:33:44.980 --> 01:33:45.900
Tiffany, go ahead.

1360
01:33:46.640 --> 01:33:52.620
So the Lord had actually already started downloading some things while, like, as soon as you started

1361
01:33:53.120 --> 01:34:00.300
speaking, um, this evening and he was reminding me of, he brought back a few memories of a

1362
01:34:00.560 --> 01:34:10.020
second husband and one of the, the big things for our relationship was that I would try

1363
01:34:10.020 --> 01:34:14.860
to sit down and have a conversation with him, especially when there were things for us to

1364
01:34:14.860 --> 01:34:15.460
work through.

1365
01:34:15.840 --> 01:34:20.980
And it was like, he would get this kind of glossed over look and he would, he would look

1366
01:34:20.980 --> 01:34:23.900
at me and he would act like he was paying attention.

1367
01:34:24.080 --> 01:34:28.480
And at the end it was, well, I don't have a problem.

1368
01:34:28.480 --> 01:34:29.760
So that's your problem.

1369
01:34:29.860 --> 01:34:31.020
You need to deal with it.

1370
01:34:31.380 --> 01:34:38.260
And so I was telling Sarah in our breakout group that I actually couldn't remember one

1371
01:34:38.260 --> 01:34:38.820
time.

1372
01:34:38.820 --> 01:34:41.580
And I was married to him for a little over seven years.

1373
01:34:41.820 --> 01:34:47.020
I can't remember one conversation where we actually worked through things.

1374
01:34:47.100 --> 01:34:50.300
Now when we were dating, of course, it's exactly what you said.

1375
01:34:50.300 --> 01:34:54.500
There was a whole nother side of him, but that wasn't the real him.

1376
01:34:54.500 --> 01:34:59.980
And so even at one point, I had gotten to where

1377
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.960
Or I was just, I was ready to leave, but I didn't, I didn't want to leave.

1378
01:35:03.980 --> 01:35:06.220
I wanted us to be able to work this out.

1379
01:35:06.300 --> 01:35:11.720
And I actually told him like, Hey, I'm, I'm considering getting a divorce and

1380
01:35:12.180 --> 01:35:17.240
he tried to start talking and he just walked me in a circle and came back to,

1381
01:35:17.820 --> 01:35:18.760
but this is your problem.

1382
01:35:18.880 --> 01:35:20.760
I'm fine with the way things are.

1383
01:35:20.940 --> 01:35:23.160
So if you need to leave, go ahead and leave.

1384
01:35:24.040 --> 01:35:30.560
And then the other issue that the Lord reminded me of was that for about the

1385
01:35:32.160 --> 01:35:44.820
last, um, the last three years, I had gained some weight because I had a lot

1386
01:35:44.820 --> 01:35:55.020
of, um, health issues and so he withheld sex because I was no longer skinny.

1387
01:35:58.120 --> 01:36:04.140
And there had been a conversation when we were dating and I told him that I had

1388
01:36:04.140 --> 01:36:09.780
had, apparently I don't do well with crazy amounts of stress because I have all

1389
01:36:10.020 --> 01:36:13.600
kinds of health issues that never get, you know, diagnosed.

1390
01:36:13.780 --> 01:36:16.340
And when the stress is gone, I'm okay.

1391
01:36:16.680 --> 01:36:21.780
And praise God, like that doesn't happen anymore, but I had told him about that

1392
01:36:21.780 --> 01:36:25.820
even in my first marriage and I had told him, you know, like I gained weight then

1393
01:36:25.820 --> 01:36:31.440
and I didn't care cause I would, I, and I told him when we were dating that I

1394
01:36:31.440 --> 01:36:36.420
actually kind of used it almost as a, a control, like when I feel out of control,

1395
01:36:36.420 --> 01:36:40.120
the only thing I can control was my weight.

1396
01:36:40.720 --> 01:36:45.460
And so when I started gaining weight, even though he, he saw that it was

1397
01:36:45.460 --> 01:36:48.720
because of health issues, he took it very personally.

1398
01:36:48.720 --> 01:36:56.780
And so like all of that's brought up tonight and I, I don't know what to do with that.

1399
01:36:57.840 --> 01:37:01.940
Well, the first thing you're going to do this week is forgive him for those things.

1400
01:37:01.940 --> 01:37:09.020
And, and I think what's also surfacing here is you know, forgiving yourself for,

1401
01:37:09.180 --> 01:37:12.080
you know, partnering with that.

1402
01:37:12.080 --> 01:37:14.120
This is the only thing I can control.

1403
01:37:14.260 --> 01:37:20.100
And so I'm going to allow myself to, you know, what, whatever that is, if it's

1404
01:37:20.100 --> 01:37:24.540
eating more than you should, or whatever, that's actually hurting you physically,

1405
01:37:24.760 --> 01:37:29.400
you know, where you take the man or those things out of the equation there and look

1406
01:37:29.400 --> 01:37:31.460
at how it's harming you.

1407
01:37:32.020 --> 01:37:32.620
Right.

1408
01:37:33.400 --> 01:37:39.780
But any, any other things in that, you know that you can forgive now on the flip

1409
01:37:39.780 --> 01:37:45.360
side of that, you know, as you forgive him you know, this whole thing with, well, I

1410
01:37:45.360 --> 01:37:46.160
don't have a problem.

1411
01:37:46.240 --> 01:37:47.140
That's your problem.

1412
01:37:47.980 --> 01:37:53.100
I'm just wondering if that ever showed up in your life before you met him, where

1413
01:37:53.220 --> 01:37:58.240
anyone has ever kind of said to you like, Hey, this is your problem.

1414
01:37:59.940 --> 01:38:00.620
My dad.

1415
01:38:01.320 --> 01:38:01.580
Okay.

1416
01:38:01.980 --> 01:38:04.240
So that doesn't surprise me.

1417
01:38:04.660 --> 01:38:09.860
Um, because I think it's a cycle that's been repeating itself and that's why it

1418
01:38:09.860 --> 01:38:11.920
was so prominent with this guy.

1419
01:38:12.260 --> 01:38:18.120
Um, and so you may want to pray and ask the Lord and if there's any other things

1420
01:38:18.120 --> 01:38:23.120
that you need to forgive regarding your dad, especially the first time that your

1421
01:38:23.680 --> 01:38:28.560
dad made you the problem versus owning something that he did.

1422
01:38:30.140 --> 01:38:30.600
Okay.

1423
01:38:31.300 --> 01:38:31.760
Yeah.

1424
01:38:31.780 --> 01:38:32.980
And start there.

1425
01:38:33.140 --> 01:38:37.720
And then, um, as you are processing through this, kind of like how I've said,

1426
01:38:37.740 --> 01:38:42.240
some of you all, I don't want to give you too much stuff just because I can just

1427
01:38:42.240 --> 01:38:47.720
tell for some of you, you need, you need to work on the little things and get going

1428
01:38:47.920 --> 01:38:53.020
and then come into the group and say how it's going, what else is God revealing to

1429
01:38:53.020 --> 01:38:53.240
you?

1430
01:38:53.280 --> 01:38:56.860
And then we can coach you more from that point, because if I give you too many

1431
01:38:56.860 --> 01:38:59.100
things, some of you all, it will cause you to shut down.

1432
01:38:59.400 --> 01:38:59.860
Okay.

1433
01:39:00.000 --> 01:39:03.680
And so the biggest thing is you forgiving doing the forgiveness, prayer sheets,

1434
01:39:03.900 --> 01:39:08.540
forgiving your ex for those situations, and then anything that God reveals to you

1435
01:39:08.540 --> 01:39:10.680
about your dad, making you the problem.

1436
01:39:11.180 --> 01:39:14.860
And then forgiving yourself for anything that God leads you to forgive yourself

1437
01:39:14.860 --> 01:39:15.180
for.

1438
01:39:15.600 --> 01:39:19.400
So those are the three forgiveness prayer sheets that I would encourage you to do.

1439
01:39:19.700 --> 01:39:20.780
What do I do?

1440
01:39:20.780 --> 01:39:23.720
Because one of the things is I was listening to the other ladies.

1441
01:39:23.720 --> 01:39:31.620
One of the things I've realized is that because of having that, I didn't realize

1442
01:39:31.620 --> 01:39:37.080
it was in my dad until you actually just asked me, but is that I overexplain

1443
01:39:38.340 --> 01:39:38.940
everything.

1444
01:39:39.680 --> 01:39:44.920
And I saw that in the self-preservation stuff in the, in the welcome part of this.

1445
01:39:44.920 --> 01:39:48.380
And I was like, Oh my gosh, that's me to a T.

1446
01:39:48.380 --> 01:39:52.900
So how do you disconnect from that?

1447
01:39:55.700 --> 01:39:59.840
Because I automatically, I'm like, I need you to understand me.

1448
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.040
Okay, so what's at the root of that, really?

1449
01:40:03.460 --> 01:40:06.580
Wanting to be heard and accepted and understood.

1450
01:40:07.300 --> 01:40:10.860
Okay, so then what I would do is I would ask the Lord to reveal,

1451
01:40:11.120 --> 01:40:16.600
when is the first time I didn't feel heard or validated with what I was saying?

1452
01:40:16.700 --> 01:40:23.740
Because to me, over-explaining grows from those root times where we didn't feel heard,

1453
01:40:24.100 --> 01:40:25.260
we didn't feel validated.

1454
01:40:25.260 --> 01:40:32.220
And so now from that point on, we just feel this need to get people to understand us.

1455
01:40:32.600 --> 01:40:37.880
Because at some point, you know, someone just either A, wasn't willing to take the time

1456
01:40:37.900 --> 01:40:41.920
to really pay attention to our heart and what was going on in the situation,

1457
01:40:42.860 --> 01:40:45.600
or maybe there was just a miscommunication.

1458
01:40:45.600 --> 01:40:48.320
Because sometimes, you know, even I will say things,

1459
01:40:48.340 --> 01:40:53.140
and I think it's so clear in somebody else they hear something totally different, right?

1460
01:40:53.140 --> 01:40:56.100
Okay. Thank you, Lord.

1461
01:40:56.500 --> 01:41:01.180
So sometimes I think, Tiffany, for you, I think that actually has been the case,

1462
01:41:01.600 --> 01:41:06.900
where there's just been a miscommunication, but the enemy has convinced you

1463
01:41:08.080 --> 01:41:11.880
that, you know, you're not heard, you're not seen, nobody gets you,

1464
01:41:12.440 --> 01:41:15.520
nobody wants to get you, everybody makes you the problem,

1465
01:41:15.660 --> 01:41:17.500
where some of these people have done that,

1466
01:41:17.540 --> 01:41:21.840
but I think the enemy is trying to convince you that that's how it's always going to be with everyone.

1467
01:41:21.840 --> 01:41:28.940
And so it kicks you into hyperdrive to try to make sure that people hear you

1468
01:41:29.420 --> 01:41:32.060
and know your heart and know why you're saying the things.

1469
01:41:32.840 --> 01:41:39.300
It's interesting, when I was in Austin, Jackie said something to me.

1470
01:41:39.320 --> 01:41:41.080
She's like, you don't got to tell me why you said that.

1471
01:41:41.120 --> 01:41:44.660
You don't got to tell me why you, you know, because I was just explaining something to her,

1472
01:41:44.660 --> 01:41:48.700
and I was like, oh, well, I didn't even really think anything about it.

1473
01:41:48.700 --> 01:41:51.100
I just was telling you why I had that thought.

1474
01:41:51.100 --> 01:41:53.940
She's like, yeah, but you don't need to tell me that.

1475
01:41:54.540 --> 01:41:55.780
And I just thought it was so interesting.

1476
01:41:56.300 --> 01:42:01.560
So God was highlighting to me that sometimes I feel like I have to tell people

1477
01:42:01.920 --> 01:42:06.260
why I have a certain type of thought or why I minister in a certain way

1478
01:42:06.280 --> 01:42:10.320
or why I said something about a situation the way I did

1479
01:42:10.320 --> 01:42:14.120
because I don't want anyone to think I have ill intention in my heart

1480
01:42:14.120 --> 01:42:20.120
or that I'm saying something from a place of like not being grateful for that person

1481
01:42:20.120 --> 01:42:21.120
or that relationship.

1482
01:42:21.740 --> 01:42:26.260
And so in that situation, for me, I tend to overexplain

1483
01:42:26.260 --> 01:42:30.360
because I don't want anyone to think I don't have good things in my heart

1484
01:42:30.360 --> 01:42:33.220
towards that person when I'm talking about a situation.

1485
01:42:33.300 --> 01:42:34.100
Does that make sense?

1486
01:42:34.820 --> 01:42:35.580
Yes, absolutely.

1487
01:42:35.580 --> 01:42:39.620
So I think in certain dynamics, we can see that showing up more than others.

1488
01:42:39.700 --> 01:42:43.300
And so really asking the Lord, when does this show up the most for me?

1489
01:42:43.300 --> 01:42:47.260
Like is it when I'm talking about a certain type of situation?

1490
01:42:47.660 --> 01:42:48.780
Is it all the time?

1491
01:42:49.440 --> 01:42:53.120
And again, going back to the core, like when's the first time I didn't feel heard

1492
01:42:53.120 --> 01:42:54.540
and I didn't feel validated?

1493
01:42:54.700 --> 01:42:56.180
Those two words in particular.

1494
01:43:00.460 --> 01:43:06.840
And you also just said something about the way I hear things.

1495
01:43:07.640 --> 01:43:13.480
I was at a board meeting and a couple of people questioned something

1496
01:43:13.780 --> 01:43:17.380
and I heard it as an attack.

1497
01:43:17.580 --> 01:43:21.100
Like I don't trust that you're doing this, this, and this.

1498
01:43:21.460 --> 01:43:24.160
I'm questioning your motives in this, this, and this.

1499
01:43:24.700 --> 01:43:30.180
And so it just, the rest of the evening was tense and everybody felt it.

1500
01:43:30.180 --> 01:43:33.440
And one of the ladies afterwards, she knows me really well

1501
01:43:33.440 --> 01:43:36.760
and she messaged me and she was like, Tiffany,

1502
01:43:37.120 --> 01:43:43.000
I feel like I need you to explain to you what actually this person was saying,

1503
01:43:43.020 --> 01:43:44.940
because I don't think you heard it that way.

1504
01:43:44.960 --> 01:43:47.520
And when she did, I did.

1505
01:43:47.520 --> 01:43:49.880
It wasn't at all how I received it.

1506
01:43:49.880 --> 01:43:55.280
And the Lord has actually been revealing that this whole week, this past week.

1507
01:43:55.620 --> 01:43:56.220
Yeah.

1508
01:43:56.220 --> 01:44:00.560
There's so many different things that I'm hearing completely opposite from

1509
01:44:00.560 --> 01:44:01.900
what you're actually saying.

1510
01:44:01.900 --> 01:44:05.840
Yeah, that's part of the victim mentality and victim mode,

1511
01:44:05.940 --> 01:44:08.020
that people, when we get into that place,

1512
01:44:08.120 --> 01:44:11.620
we are hearing everything through filters and blind spots.

1513
01:44:11.940 --> 01:44:15.000
And so we are going to, even sometimes when we have dreams,

1514
01:44:15.060 --> 01:44:19.720
we're going to interpret them in the most unhealthy version of the dream,

1515
01:44:19.740 --> 01:44:21.900
or it's going to be riddled with fear,

1516
01:44:22.900 --> 01:44:25.380
because that is stuff that we're struggling with.

1517
01:44:25.420 --> 01:44:28.900
And so, again, let's start with these first couple of things,

1518
01:44:28.900 --> 01:44:32.620
but I love that you're recognizing that that showed up even at work.

1519
01:44:34.460 --> 01:44:36.340
Really keeping short accounts, ladies,

1520
01:44:36.340 --> 01:44:39.560
when this stuff is coming up is going to be really important for you all,

1521
01:44:39.560 --> 01:44:40.560
to the best of your ability.

1522
01:44:40.680 --> 01:44:43.060
Sometimes we're just, you know, we're busy and I get it.

1523
01:44:43.060 --> 01:44:45.780
You might not be able to do it right away, but really working through,

1524
01:44:46.580 --> 01:44:50.320
like even if you need to keep a couple of forgiveness prayer sheets with you

1525
01:44:50.320 --> 01:44:54.620
so you can process that stuff quick and like kind of get it out of your spirit

1526
01:44:54.620 --> 01:44:57.660
and your soul, that'll be really, really good.

1527
01:44:59.080 --> 01:44:59.860
Thank you.

1528
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:07.080
You're welcome. So we're 945 ladies. I know I have one, two, three, four, five more ladies with your

1529
01:45:07.080 --> 01:45:12.200
hands up. I don't know that I will get to you all. I'm going to do my best. If I don't get to you

1530
01:45:12.200 --> 01:45:16.460
tonight, I would love for you to come into the group and do a post. And that's, that's how I can

1531
01:45:16.460 --> 01:45:21.440
still coach you through what you need to share. Cause I do want you to know, we want to hear what

1532
01:45:21.440 --> 01:45:26.020
you have to say, but I just have to let you know, I have, I have a hard stop at 10. So I'll do my

1533
01:45:26.020 --> 01:45:45.140
best. Sandra, go ahead. Oh, you're muted. You're muted. Sorry. Hey, I've got a situation where

1534
01:45:45.140 --> 01:45:57.500
um, I had a childhood friend, uh, another girl in my class who we, we went out together. We went to

1535
01:45:57.680 --> 01:46:06.080
one another's houses, but for some reason in maybe fourth grade, she decided to betray me.

1536
01:46:09.540 --> 01:46:14.840
And I was more of a little detective cause I knew like this, there's no way that could

1537
01:46:14.840 --> 01:46:23.560
have been found out unless the one person I told said it. Um, so I baited her by telling her

1538
01:46:23.560 --> 01:46:32.420
something another time. And sure enough, within an hour, I was almost in a fight because of what I

1539
01:46:32.420 --> 01:46:38.540
had said, because she betrayed me. And this second time she betrayed me. It was like a,

1540
01:46:38.540 --> 01:46:41.800
it was like a week later or something. I just decided to test her.

1541
01:46:42.680 --> 01:46:48.300
This second time I walked away from her. I told her you betrayed me. That is the end of our

1542
01:46:48.320 --> 01:46:56.280
relationship. And I walked away from her. Um, and I have lamented that I didn't give her a chance to

1543
01:46:56.280 --> 01:47:11.780
explain herself, but I did not. Um, I was done at that point. Well, now I'm in a church that I've

1544
01:47:12.420 --> 01:47:18.420
the first time I was in that church. I run into a woman who looks so much

1545
01:47:18.420 --> 01:47:23.380
like this childhood friend would have looked as an adult, but she does.

1546
01:47:25.400 --> 01:47:41.600
She befriended me. She invited me out to lunch. We shared our hearts with one another. We had

1547
01:47:41.600 --> 01:47:49.000
I have no idea what happened. Um, I, I went to church. I tried to talk to her a couple of times,

1548
01:47:50.200 --> 01:47:54.640
um, you know, because I could feel like something is different. What what's going on here.

1549
01:47:57.020 --> 01:48:11.580
She wouldn't talk to me. She wouldn't talk to me. Finally, I go to church. I'm really late. I'm

1550
01:48:11.580 --> 01:48:21.500
something absolutely awful to me. Um, she basically says, I know you just came here to curse me,

1551
01:48:22.140 --> 01:48:28.620
but I love you, which is nuts. Like I walked into that church and I didn't know a soul.

1552
01:48:29.720 --> 01:48:36.720
How, how is it that you now think I came here only for you to curse you? It doesn't make any

1553
01:48:36.720 --> 01:48:42.200
sense at all. None. And I know in my heart is, is a stupid misunderstanding,

1554
01:48:44.600 --> 01:48:52.340
but for some reason, this is how she feels. I kept going to worship. I was angry. I decided

1555
01:48:52.340 --> 01:48:58.720
to forgive her, but you know, we're going to love her from a distance. God would not quit bugging me.

1556
01:48:59.460 --> 01:49:04.480
It's like every time I'd see her in worship, she's over here and I'm over here.

1557
01:49:04.480 --> 01:49:10.660
It's like, you're nudging me to say something to her to try and, and you know, the Bible says,

1558
01:49:10.880 --> 01:49:15.840
if you, if you come to the Lord with your gift and there, you realize you've got ought against

1559
01:49:15.840 --> 01:49:24.320
your brother, leave your gift, go make it right with your brother and then come back. Yep. So

1560
01:49:25.340 --> 01:49:31.200
I'm like, okay. So at this point, I've got a third person involved, a third person, meaning

1561
01:49:31.200 --> 01:49:37.820
being a pastor from the church. And it's like, okay, I'm going to let you sort it out.

1562
01:49:38.880 --> 01:49:46.920
My issue beyond thinking that it's ridiculous that it should have even gone this far. Yeah.

1563
01:49:49.060 --> 01:49:56.180
Should we, or dare I say, when we find out what this stupid misunderstanding is

1564
01:49:56.180 --> 01:49:59.980
and it's solved, do I really want to have relief?

1565
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.160
with this person after this?

1566
01:50:03.520 --> 01:50:04.620
Well, that is hard.

1567
01:50:04.880 --> 01:50:06.020
No, not really.

1568
01:50:07.120 --> 01:50:10.700
But honestly, if I take that stance,

1569
01:50:11.060 --> 01:50:13.420
I'm losing another relationship for nothing.

1570
01:50:14.420 --> 01:50:16.420
Well, here's the thing, though.

1571
01:50:17.220 --> 01:50:20.560
God wants to bring healthy relationships into your life.

1572
01:50:21.280 --> 01:50:23.840
I see this as maybe you're being God-defended.

1573
01:50:26.300 --> 01:50:29.220
I mean, a lot of times, we don't love to look at it that way.

1574
01:50:29.220 --> 01:50:31.960
But I think that that could be very true in this situation.

1575
01:50:33.060 --> 01:50:33.600
Time will tell.

1576
01:50:34.540 --> 01:50:35.900
I don't think it's a coincidence

1577
01:50:35.900 --> 01:50:39.120
that you're connecting this woman with this childhood

1578
01:50:39.120 --> 01:50:39.860
friend either.

1579
01:50:41.140 --> 01:50:43.800
I would encourage you to forgive that friend

1580
01:50:43.800 --> 01:50:46.720
from fourth grade again, even if you've already forgiven her,

1581
01:50:46.780 --> 01:50:50.000
that you just take time to do a forgiveness prayer sheet,

1582
01:50:51.040 --> 01:50:55.060
really asking the Lord, God, should I

1583
01:50:55.060 --> 01:50:57.080
have completely just walked away from her?

1584
01:50:57.080 --> 01:50:59.820
And if not, then forgiving yourself

1585
01:50:59.820 --> 01:51:01.200
for making that choice.

1586
01:51:02.600 --> 01:51:06.680
Because to me, again, there are things

1587
01:51:06.720 --> 01:51:11.120
that when we do them and we partner with those lies

1588
01:51:11.120 --> 01:51:15.200
or things surrounding that, it can cause things in the spirit

1589
01:51:15.200 --> 01:51:18.780
realm to then be attracted to us in the future that are what

1590
01:51:18.780 --> 01:51:20.760
I will call familiar spirits.

1591
01:51:22.900 --> 01:51:25.980
And so it seems like there's a similarity

1592
01:51:25.980 --> 01:51:31.060
between this woman, and not that she betrayed you necessarily,

1593
01:51:31.400 --> 01:51:32.620
but she ghosted you.

1594
01:51:32.720 --> 01:51:34.980
And then she's taken this posture of something

1595
01:51:35.120 --> 01:51:40.140
that she believes there's something there that doesn't

1596
01:51:40.140 --> 01:51:41.880
sound like it was even there.

1597
01:51:42.900 --> 01:51:47.100
And so forgiving this person from fourth grade

1598
01:51:47.100 --> 01:51:51.860
may really lose some things in other future relationships.

1599
01:51:51.860 --> 01:51:56.640
But I don't think that necessarily everyone

1600
01:51:56.640 --> 01:51:59.320
is meant to be a close friend to us.

1601
01:51:59.820 --> 01:52:02.540
And when someone reveals unhealthy patterns

1602
01:52:02.540 --> 01:52:05.860
like this in their life, or even if it's not a pattern,

1603
01:52:05.960 --> 01:52:08.340
but it's where they're at, we really

1604
01:52:08.340 --> 01:52:12.500
have to ask ourselves, is that the kind of friend

1605
01:52:12.500 --> 01:52:13.640
I want to surround myself?

1606
01:52:13.740 --> 01:52:15.820
Remember, thriving people surround themselves

1607
01:52:15.820 --> 01:52:16.920
with thriving people.

1608
01:52:17.500 --> 01:52:19.880
And I'm not saying that that can't be just something

1609
01:52:19.880 --> 01:52:20.540
she works through.

1610
01:52:20.540 --> 01:52:22.160
Maybe she'll work through and get victory,

1611
01:52:22.160 --> 01:52:24.060
and then step into thriving.

1612
01:52:24.340 --> 01:52:26.920
And then maybe, hey, that's a good connection.

1613
01:52:27.340 --> 01:52:30.280
But to me, right now, it sounds like she's not

1614
01:52:30.280 --> 01:52:31.000
in a healthy place.

1615
01:52:31.140 --> 01:52:33.900
And it'll be interesting to see how she navigates

1616
01:52:33.900 --> 01:52:35.460
this pastor getting involved.

1617
01:52:36.480 --> 01:52:40.100
If she reacts and it blows up bigger,

1618
01:52:40.920 --> 01:52:43.080
that's going to be really telling for you.

1619
01:52:43.100 --> 01:52:49.180
If she becomes teachable, apologizes, tries to reconcile,

1620
01:52:49.180 --> 01:52:54.580
well then, OK, you can reconcile and be in that love

1621
01:52:54.800 --> 01:52:55.240
and connection.

1622
01:52:55.320 --> 01:52:57.020
But that doesn't mean you have to decide to hang out

1623
01:52:57.020 --> 01:52:58.080
with her all the time.

1624
01:52:59.100 --> 01:53:02.140
It's just, what is God telling you to do?

1625
01:53:02.260 --> 01:53:03.580
What is God leading you to do?

1626
01:53:03.700 --> 01:53:05.840
But right now, I don't think you have enough information

1627
01:53:05.840 --> 01:53:07.800
to make that decision, honestly.

1628
01:53:10.560 --> 01:53:11.300
That is true.

1629
01:53:11.760 --> 01:53:12.200
Yeah.

1630
01:53:12.200 --> 01:53:13.700
So it's good that you're thinking about it.

1631
01:53:13.700 --> 01:53:15.280
It's good that you're pondering it.

1632
01:53:15.500 --> 01:53:17.780
God tells us to ponder things in our hearts.

1633
01:53:17.780 --> 01:53:23.280
But let's see how this plays out with this pastor talking to her

1634
01:53:23.380 --> 01:53:27.220
and trying to bring some reconciliation there.

1635
01:53:28.320 --> 01:53:29.200
Yes, let's.

1636
01:53:30.000 --> 01:53:31.520
The meeting is Wednesday.

1637
01:53:32.200 --> 01:53:32.480
OK.

1638
01:53:33.460 --> 01:53:34.600
Let us know how that goes.

1639
01:53:35.460 --> 01:53:35.940
Will do.

1640
01:53:36.340 --> 01:53:36.840
All right.

1641
01:53:37.220 --> 01:53:37.900
Thanks for sharing.

1642
01:53:38.760 --> 01:53:40.200
Sarah M., go ahead.

1643
01:53:41.900 --> 01:53:42.540
OK.

1644
01:53:42.560 --> 01:53:45.180
I'm not sure how long I was muted, or unmuted.

1645
01:53:45.460 --> 01:53:47.600
But hopefully, I wasn't disturbing anybody.

1646
01:53:47.600 --> 01:53:48.020
OK.

1647
01:53:49.360 --> 01:53:49.980
Hi, Bethany.

1648
01:53:50.200 --> 01:53:50.540
Thank you.

1649
01:53:50.800 --> 01:53:51.180
Hi, everybody.

1650
01:53:52.580 --> 01:53:54.080
I have three things.

1651
01:53:54.500 --> 01:53:56.440
But I know, of course, there's not time for that,

1652
01:53:56.440 --> 01:53:58.080
because we have six minutes until 10.

1653
01:54:00.520 --> 01:54:04.260
But I guess one thing, well, I'll just

1654
01:54:04.260 --> 01:54:05.300
touch base on each of them.

1655
01:54:05.320 --> 01:54:07.660
And then you can just let me know which one maybe you, Phil,

1656
01:54:07.660 --> 01:54:09.360
led to touch base with me about.

1657
01:54:09.820 --> 01:54:12.200
But one is friends for a season.

1658
01:54:12.540 --> 01:54:14.280
Like, I have a couple of friends where

1659
01:54:14.280 --> 01:54:16.500
I didn't think I was only going to be friends with them

1660
01:54:16.500 --> 01:54:17.020
for a season.

1661
01:54:17.020 --> 01:54:18.360
I thought it was going to be long term.

1662
01:54:18.600 --> 01:54:20.440
And it became friends for a season.

1663
01:54:20.580 --> 01:54:27.480
And I'm not sure if maybe I did some things that caused us

1664
01:54:27.480 --> 01:54:28.000
to not be friends.

1665
01:54:28.060 --> 01:54:29.140
Or maybe it was jointly.

1666
01:54:30.020 --> 01:54:33.240
And we weren't doing a good job at addressing things

1667
01:54:33.240 --> 01:54:34.320
as they came up.

1668
01:54:34.720 --> 01:54:35.940
So there's that.

1669
01:54:36.620 --> 01:54:38.460
And I guess it's kind of painful.

1670
01:54:40.720 --> 01:54:43.240
But maybe they were just meant to be friends for a season.

1671
01:54:43.240 --> 01:54:47.280
Or maybe we're meant to reconcile.

1672
01:54:48.280 --> 01:54:50.520
And then I have a neighbor.

1673
01:54:50.740 --> 01:54:52.000
And she's super nosy.

1674
01:54:52.160 --> 01:54:52.940
She's not a believer.

1675
01:54:53.780 --> 01:54:57.040
And I just want to have healthy boundaries with her.

1676
01:54:57.460 --> 01:54:59.840
Like, I want to point her to God, which I feel like we're

1677
01:54:59.840 --> 01:54:59.980
trying to do.

1678
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:03.260
trying to do. But also I just it drives me crazy, her nosiness

1679
01:55:03.540 --> 01:55:06.900
and just up in my business. And it's just it just drives me

1680
01:55:06.800 --> 01:55:10.400
crazy. And so I was kind of rude to her recently. Like I didn't

1681
01:55:10.400 --> 01:55:14.940
mean to be but it kind of came off that way. So um, but you

1682
01:55:14.940 --> 01:55:17.020
know, I want to point her to God. But I also want my privacy.

1683
01:55:17.220 --> 01:55:20.140
You know, when we come home, we want to decompress and I don't

1684
01:55:20.140 --> 01:55:23.520
I just don't want to feel like I, you know, like I have this

1685
01:55:23.560 --> 01:55:26.320
neighbor constantly looking out the window and you know,

1686
01:55:26.320 --> 01:55:30.680
and it's just it's hard and she's trying to she's trying to

1687
01:55:30.680 --> 01:55:33.880
get sober and that kind of thing, you know. So there's

1688
01:55:33.880 --> 01:55:38.640
that. And then there's this person at church who it's kind

1689
01:55:38.640 --> 01:55:40.580
of been an ongoing theme, which I with that, which I've touched

1690
01:55:40.580 --> 01:55:43.820
base with you about and it's just a very challenging

1691
01:55:44.100 --> 01:55:47.360
situation. We're in a small church, there was attraction, I

1692
01:55:47.660 --> 01:55:52.920
think I was open to, you know, something more, but I felt like

1693
01:55:52.920 --> 01:55:56.160
he was hiding behind things. And then when we would talk, it

1694
01:55:56.160 --> 01:56:00.100
didn't seem like he enjoyed talking. So I'm like, well, I

1695
01:56:00.100 --> 01:56:04.640
don't want him to not enjoy talking with me. And I don't

1696
01:56:04.640 --> 01:56:09.860
want him to feel like he has to be with, you know, pursue me if

1697
01:56:09.860 --> 01:56:13.340
he's not interested in me, you know, but it's just been tricky

1698
01:56:13.340 --> 01:56:18.740
and his brother kind of, like he invited him into, in a way, like

1699
01:56:18.740 --> 01:56:23.080
what we have, but at the same time, his brother is kind of

1700
01:56:23.080 --> 01:56:25.380
knows, like, I don't know, it's hard to explain, but it's

1701
01:56:25.380 --> 01:56:28.320
unhealthy, like his brother's involvement. And I haven't

1702
01:56:28.320 --> 01:56:30.160
actually we none of us have talked about anything. And

1703
01:56:30.160 --> 01:56:33.100
that's the other thing is, like, not that not that his brother's

1704
01:56:33.100 --> 01:56:35.600
involved, but his brother's kind of one of the co pastors. So

1705
01:56:35.600 --> 01:56:41.280
that's kind of a very awkward situation. But I haven't really

1706
01:56:41.280 --> 01:56:45.100
he and I, this guy haven't really talked like, about

1707
01:56:45.160 --> 01:56:48.020
anything. And I just don't even know how to because I feel like

1708
01:56:48.020 --> 01:56:50.360
there was going to be some trauma bonding, but I I kind of

1709
01:56:50.360 --> 01:56:52.500
was like, I don't want trauma bonding, I don't want to bond

1710
01:56:52.500 --> 01:56:56.920
with you over things like that have hurt us. So, so we just

1711
01:56:56.920 --> 01:57:03.400
don't talk. But there's, like, I, like, I, I kind of in my

1712
01:57:03.460 --> 01:57:06.300
mind, and hearing you talk tonight, Bethany was very

1713
01:57:06.620 --> 01:57:10.620
encouraging about some of your relationships and thoughts that

1714
01:57:10.620 --> 01:57:14.940
you had about them, but then they were incorrect. And not

1715
01:57:14.940 --> 01:57:22.240
right, you know, and then what you got hindsight about, you

1716
01:57:22.240 --> 01:57:24.980
know, like, Oh, yeah, like this person, like, Oh, yeah, well,

1717
01:57:24.980 --> 01:57:26.840
you know, we have these connections, we have it, but

1718
01:57:26.840 --> 01:57:29.180
it's like, we don't even talk. So it's like, I'm fooling

1719
01:57:29.560 --> 01:57:33.420
myself. And I have these connections with him, which I

1720
01:57:33.440 --> 01:57:36.040
don't and just all this unhealthiness. And I just and I

1721
01:57:36.040 --> 01:57:40.020
just feel like tied to him in a way. But I don't want to be tied

1722
01:57:40.020 --> 01:57:41.840
to him, because I want to be free to date somebody that

1723
01:57:41.840 --> 01:57:44.800
actually wants to date me. So which of those three would you

1724
01:57:44.800 --> 01:57:45.540
like to address?

1725
01:57:46.480 --> 01:57:48.800
I'm gonna address all three of them. Because Oh, thank you.

1726
01:57:48.800 --> 01:57:52.440
I'm gonna do the same reminder that I gave Eloise. You're in

1727
01:57:52.440 --> 01:57:56.220
hard work. So praise the Lord. Don't worry about this guy right

1728
01:57:56.560 --> 01:58:01.180
now. You get on your hard work. And that's going to help you

1729
01:58:01.320 --> 01:58:04.860
heal and actually step into healthy relationship. And if

1730
01:58:04.860 --> 01:58:09.700
it's not this guy, it's not this guy. But yeah, and I get it like

1731
01:58:09.700 --> 01:58:11.980
this might have been someone that you know, you connected

1732
01:58:11.980 --> 01:58:14.520
with before you ever came into hard work. I know all these

1733
01:58:14.520 --> 01:58:19.560
things. But I really do. Again, like, I think that the enemy

1734
01:58:19.580 --> 01:58:22.520
loves to lure us with these little carrots to get us

1735
01:58:22.740 --> 01:58:27.180
distracted and out of focus. So the first thing is that, okay,

1736
01:58:27.940 --> 01:58:32.380
so you don't really need to focus on this right now. And I

1737
01:58:32.380 --> 01:58:36.260
know, probably hard because you see him at church. But like, I

1738
01:58:36.260 --> 01:58:38.460
actually think it's a blessing that you're not talking right

1739
01:58:38.460 --> 01:58:41.940
now. Because I think that would cause way more confusion. Why

1740
01:58:41.940 --> 01:58:46.540
the hard work because in the hard work, remember, part of the

1741
01:58:46.540 --> 01:58:49.000
key is you all are as you're healing, you're coming out or

1742
01:58:49.140 --> 01:58:52.680
counterfeit identities, an old identity version of yourself

1743
01:58:52.680 --> 01:58:56.820
might have chosen him and tried to force that relationship. But

1744
01:58:56.820 --> 01:58:59.620
as you're healing, and again, I don't know, I don't know what

1745
01:58:59.620 --> 01:59:02.140
God's will is with this guy. But as you're healing, you might

1746
01:59:02.140 --> 01:59:06.900
start to realize like, oh, I I'm looking for a man, hopefully

1747
01:59:06.900 --> 01:59:09.760
you're gonna realize this. This is what we coach in the program

1748
01:59:09.760 --> 01:59:13.720
that's mature, he's marriage minded, and he's masculine. And

1749
01:59:13.720 --> 01:59:16.140
guess what people that are marriage minded, mature and

1750
01:59:16.140 --> 01:59:18.920
masculine, you don't got to wonder if they're interested in

1751
01:59:18.920 --> 01:59:23.360
you. Because you know, men who are interested, and they know

1752
01:59:23.360 --> 01:59:25.920
they found a good thing, you better believe they're gonna

1753
01:59:25.920 --> 01:59:28.620
they're gonna be like, Hey, I want to I want to go on a date

1754
01:59:28.620 --> 01:59:31.600
with you. I want to take you out. My husband drove four hours

1755
01:59:31.600 --> 01:59:36.500
the first time just to have coffee with me. Well, four and a

1756
01:59:36.500 --> 01:59:41.100
half hours just to have coffee with me. Okay, so you don't you

1757
01:59:41.100 --> 01:59:45.080
all don't need to try to force anything. That's not the kind of

1758
01:59:45.080 --> 01:59:47.840
relationship you're looking for. And if you got to try to figure

1759
01:59:47.840 --> 01:59:51.040
out what that guy's thinking, and does he even want to talk to

1760
01:59:51.040 --> 01:59:53.360
me? Does he even seem interested? I think you already

1761
01:59:53.360 --> 01:59:56.200
know your answer right now. That's not where that guy's at.

1762
01:59:56.380 --> 01:59:59.920
So true. On that side of things, let's just focus on

1763
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:01.640
Okay, Lord, what are you doing in me?

1764
02:00:01.940 --> 02:00:03.560
What do you want to continue to heal in me

1765
02:00:03.560 --> 02:00:04.320
so that I can move forward?

1766
02:00:04.660 --> 02:00:07.100
Something that you said that was very interesting to me

1767
02:00:07.100 --> 02:00:08.880
in that regard, as you're like,

1768
02:00:08.980 --> 02:00:11.180
I have all these kind of fantasy thoughts.

1769
02:00:12.320 --> 02:00:13.840
Essentially, that's what you're saying.

1770
02:00:14.420 --> 02:00:16.580
And you're really connected to him.

1771
02:00:17.260 --> 02:00:19.440
And so part of that connection, ladies,

1772
02:00:19.880 --> 02:00:22.460
did you know that soul ties can actually be created

1773
02:00:22.460 --> 02:00:24.840
just by fantasizing about someone?

1774
02:00:25.720 --> 02:00:28.280
And it doesn't even have to be sexual fantasy.

1775
02:00:29.900 --> 02:00:32.180
Okay, I'm going to be really clear.

1776
02:00:32.640 --> 02:00:33.640
You can emotionally,

1777
02:00:35.760 --> 02:00:37.260
okay, I don't want this to sound weird,

1778
02:00:37.320 --> 02:00:39.040
but this is what just came to mind.

1779
02:00:39.320 --> 02:00:39.760
Yeah.

1780
02:00:39.920 --> 02:00:41.220
I'm talking a lot about movies

1781
02:00:41.220 --> 02:00:43.060
and some of the movies you guys are probably like,

1782
02:00:43.220 --> 02:00:45.560
oh my gosh, Bethany watches like crazy movies.

1783
02:00:46.160 --> 02:00:49.840
But I, whatever those vampire movies were called

1784
02:00:49.840 --> 02:00:51.740
that were really popular several years ago,

1785
02:00:51.820 --> 02:00:53.700
I can't think of what it's called right now.

1786
02:00:53.840 --> 02:00:55.220
But in one of them,

1787
02:00:55.240 --> 02:00:57.200
and I'm not saying this is real, you all, okay?

1788
02:00:57.200 --> 02:00:59.700
So do not misquote me, but this is what's come,

1789
02:00:59.800 --> 02:01:01.980
yes, Twilight, this is what's coming to mind.

1790
02:01:02.040 --> 02:01:03.160
And one of the movies,

1791
02:01:04.320 --> 02:01:06.100
what do they call it, imprinting?

1792
02:01:06.940 --> 02:01:07.740
Imprinting on someone.

1793
02:01:08.600 --> 02:01:09.700
And here's the thing,

1794
02:01:09.920 --> 02:01:12.440
even though that's this concept that they introduced,

1795
02:01:12.820 --> 02:01:14.940
and again, I'm not saying it's real,

1796
02:01:15.380 --> 02:01:18.620
but what I am saying is I think that there is a level of

1797
02:01:18.620 --> 02:01:21.720
when we're fantasizing about someone emotionally,

1798
02:01:22.020 --> 02:01:24.560
mentally, spiritually, sexually,

1799
02:01:24.560 --> 02:01:26.760
on any of those levels,

1800
02:01:27.860 --> 02:01:31.300
we start to inflate who they are in our minds.

1801
02:01:31.700 --> 02:01:35.140
And we basically can start to connect to them

1802
02:01:35.140 --> 02:01:38.000
in the spirit like we're one with them.

1803
02:01:39.420 --> 02:01:41.060
Like, for example,

1804
02:01:41.300 --> 02:01:44.440
when I first started dating my spiritual daughter's dad,

1805
02:01:45.500 --> 02:01:46.940
I can remember the first time

1806
02:01:46.940 --> 02:01:48.000
I pulled up in front of his house.

1807
02:01:48.220 --> 02:01:49.440
Now, mind you, you all,

1808
02:01:49.800 --> 02:01:52.980
I went through a marriage where my ex-husband

1809
02:01:52.980 --> 02:01:56.560
would not share like hardly any of his,

1810
02:01:57.020 --> 02:01:57.960
like what he would make.

1811
02:01:58.400 --> 02:02:00.060
He would give me a percentage of it

1812
02:02:00.060 --> 02:02:01.340
for us to pay our bills.

1813
02:02:01.420 --> 02:02:03.660
I put in my whole money and he gave me a percent.

1814
02:02:04.000 --> 02:02:05.220
And we went through a lot

1815
02:02:05.220 --> 02:02:07.380
of really horrible financial things.

1816
02:02:07.500 --> 02:02:09.640
I lost my house, I lost cars,

1817
02:02:10.360 --> 02:02:11.640
our utilities got turned,

1818
02:02:11.700 --> 02:02:13.880
like just all kinds of constant turmoil.

1819
02:02:14.360 --> 02:02:18.100
So I meet their dad and I pull up

1820
02:02:18.100 --> 02:02:19.400
and he's got this nice house.

1821
02:02:19.680 --> 02:02:21.740
It wasn't a big house, but it was a nice house.

1822
02:02:22.660 --> 02:02:23.260
From the outside.

1823
02:02:23.560 --> 02:02:25.220
Now, in my mind, I'm like,

1824
02:02:25.280 --> 02:02:28.620
oh my gosh, I finally met a guy who has a house

1825
02:02:28.620 --> 02:02:30.140
and he's got this nice vehicle.

1826
02:02:30.320 --> 02:02:33.700
And you all, I started inflating who he was.

1827
02:02:34.200 --> 02:02:35.280
Yeah. That's what.

1828
02:02:35.360 --> 02:02:38.000
Yeah, he lived in a nice house,

1829
02:02:38.580 --> 02:02:40.380
but he was massively in debt.

1830
02:02:43.040 --> 02:02:43.700
Massively in debt.

1831
02:02:44.000 --> 02:02:46.060
Lost his vehicle and then blamed me for losing it.

1832
02:02:46.580 --> 02:02:48.360
That's the real stuff that happens.

1833
02:02:48.500 --> 02:02:50.780
So we inflate these people

1834
02:02:50.780 --> 02:02:53.060
when we see something, when we hear something,

1835
02:02:53.060 --> 02:02:54.400
and then we start like,

1836
02:02:55.080 --> 02:02:57.220
oh, this is what my life could be like if I'm with them.

1837
02:02:57.240 --> 02:02:58.420
And this is how it could look

1838
02:02:58.420 --> 02:02:59.480
and this is how it could happen.

1839
02:03:00.220 --> 02:03:00.700
Yeah.

1840
02:03:00.700 --> 02:03:04.040
And so just being really aware of your thoughts

1841
02:03:05.220 --> 02:03:08.560
and you can absolutely sever that

1842
02:03:08.760 --> 02:03:10.440
by controlling your thoughts

1843
02:03:10.440 --> 02:03:11.960
regarding this man going forward.

1844
02:03:12.840 --> 02:03:13.320
Yeah.

1845
02:03:13.320 --> 02:03:15.900
And really, again, just focusing on

1846
02:03:17.440 --> 02:03:19.860
what is God doing in your life?

1847
02:03:19.860 --> 02:03:21.100
How is he healing you?

1848
02:03:21.160 --> 02:03:22.460
Where is he leading you?

1849
02:03:22.620 --> 02:03:25.540
And allowing God to create, if you will,

1850
02:03:25.780 --> 02:03:28.040
more space between you and this person.

1851
02:03:28.460 --> 02:03:29.100
Yeah.

1852
02:03:29.120 --> 02:03:29.760
Yeah.

1853
02:03:29.760 --> 02:03:32.000
So it sounds like too,

1854
02:03:33.060 --> 02:03:36.320
you have two situations where it's really interesting.

1855
02:03:36.480 --> 02:03:39.380
The brother, who's a co-pastor

1856
02:03:39.380 --> 02:03:42.040
has kind of gotten himself involved in this somehow.

1857
02:03:42.160 --> 02:03:43.760
It's really destructive.

1858
02:03:44.160 --> 02:03:48.560
And then you've got this neighbor that you labeled as nosy

1859
02:03:48.560 --> 02:03:52.840
that seems to be invading, invading, you know?

1860
02:03:52.840 --> 02:03:54.860
So I feel like there's a similar thing happening

1861
02:03:54.860 --> 02:03:56.020
in these two dynamics.

1862
02:03:56.720 --> 02:03:57.360
Yeah.

1863
02:03:57.360 --> 02:03:59.100
And so I want you to pray about,

1864
02:03:59.680 --> 02:04:01.920
it's not that you've done something wrong, Sarah,

1865
02:04:01.940 --> 02:04:03.840
necessarily, but I want you to pray

1866
02:04:03.840 --> 02:04:05.940
about what's the open door to that.

1867
02:04:06.560 --> 02:04:07.060
Okay.

1868
02:04:07.260 --> 02:04:10.600
So if it's that you need to set healthier boundaries

1869
02:04:10.600 --> 02:04:14.220
and actually verbalize, you know, to someone like,

1870
02:04:14.920 --> 02:04:17.940
you know, this brother, even though he's a co-pastor,

1871
02:04:17.940 --> 02:04:19.840
I mean, you may need to say,

1872
02:04:21.680 --> 02:04:25.520
hey, I really want to let you know

1873
02:04:25.520 --> 02:04:28.200
that I'm not comfortable with you doing

1874
02:04:28.200 --> 02:04:29.940
or saying whatever it is they're saying.

1875
02:04:30.880 --> 02:04:34.060
And so setting a healthy boundary with your neighbor,

1876
02:04:35.220 --> 02:04:38.000
letting them know what you're not comfortable with.

1877
02:04:38.000 --> 02:04:40.600
It's okay that you're trying to be a testimony.

1878
02:04:41.240 --> 02:04:41.700
Here's the thing.

1879
02:04:41.740 --> 02:04:45.920
You can tell people a lot about who God is

1880
02:04:45.920 --> 02:04:47.200
through your actions,

1881
02:04:47.320 --> 02:04:50.600
even in setting a healthy boundary in a kind way.

1882
02:04:50.800 --> 02:04:52.960
It's worse if we don't set that boundary,

1883
02:04:53.120 --> 02:04:54.000
we don't set that boundary,

1884
02:04:54.140 --> 02:04:55.700
and then we get upset with them.

1885
02:04:55.800 --> 02:04:58.020
And then, like you said, then we're rude,

1886
02:04:58.180 --> 02:04:59.980
or we maybe say something we don't mean.

1887
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:06.380
to say. And so let's just be, ladies, let's be working on setting healthy boundaries with people

1888
02:05:06.480 --> 02:05:11.120
before we get to the point of, you know, that pot boiling over, if you will, in some way.

1889
02:05:12.340 --> 02:05:18.800
How to stop fantasizing. It can happen so automatically. Totally agree. And so the

1890
02:05:18.800 --> 02:05:26.960
Bible talks about taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Jesus Christ. And so

1891
02:05:28.920 --> 02:05:34.140
even way back years ago, Pastor Stephen Furtick preached a message called A Cod of Thought.

1892
02:05:34.660 --> 02:05:40.120
A Cod of Thought. And that has stuck with me since then. And so I want you to be thinking about,

1893
02:05:40.420 --> 02:05:46.000
even though those thoughts come automatically, sometimes very quickly, that doesn't mean we have

1894
02:05:46.000 --> 02:05:49.780
to keep allowing ourselves to think about that. And sometimes you're going to be thinking about

1895
02:05:49.780 --> 02:05:54.880
it for a few minutes and then realize like, oh, I'm thinking about that again. But even in that

1896
02:05:55.110 --> 02:06:01.870
you can say, okay, like that is not a thought from the Lord. Lord, help me to think on things that

1897
02:06:01.870 --> 02:06:07.150
are true and noble and lovely and of good report, things that are above and not beneath. Help me to,

1898
02:06:07.190 --> 02:06:11.730
you know, make that thought obedient to Jesus Christ, you know, which is I'm going to think

1899
02:06:11.730 --> 02:06:16.830
on things that are pure, noble, lovely, you know, again, of good report. And so really

1900
02:06:18.090 --> 02:06:23.930
aligning our thoughts with what God's word is saying and that we should do, that we should

1901
02:06:23.930 --> 02:06:29.490
think about maybe it's putting on worship music and maybe it's getting your Bible out and reading

1902
02:06:29.490 --> 02:06:36.810
it out loud. Y'all, when I would feel the enemy attacking me the most, I would typically get my

1903
02:06:36.810 --> 02:06:42.790
Bible and I would just start reading scripture out loud because here's the reality. Darkness cannot

1904
02:06:42.790 --> 02:06:50.250
remain where the light is. There's so much power in the word. When we declare the word out loud,

1905
02:06:50.250 --> 02:06:58.070
the enemy will try to war against us, but he cannot stay. He can't. And so you may want to try,

1906
02:06:58.290 --> 02:07:04.350
you know, implementing some of those types of things to help you really start to get your mind

1907
02:07:04.350 --> 02:07:09.990
under control, which, you know, partners with ladies, the spirit of self-control that I was

1908
02:07:09.990 --> 02:07:17.070
talking about earlier too, you know, where the spirit of self-control isn't just about behaving

1909
02:07:17.070 --> 02:07:25.090
good. It's about us allowing God's love to so infiltrate our hearts and our soul and our spirit

1910
02:07:25.090 --> 02:07:33.490
that out of the overflow, we can walk in self-control. All right. Super important.

1911
02:07:35.150 --> 02:07:36.670
Thank you, Britt. Thank you, Bethany.

1912
02:07:36.890 --> 02:07:42.690
You're welcome. You're welcome. All right, ladies. So I have three lovelies. I hope that you will

1913
02:07:42.690 --> 02:07:46.830
come into the group. I know that that can feel frustrating when you've been waiting to go as well

1914
02:07:47.070 --> 02:07:51.570
but I do want you to know I care about what you wanted to share about. And if you go in and post

1915
02:07:51.570 --> 02:07:57.070
in the group, I will check it first thing in the morning and respond to you in there. And, or you

1916
02:07:57.070 --> 02:08:01.850
can come and share about it next week since you didn't get to share about it tonight. So I want

1917
02:08:01.850 --> 02:08:07.750
you to have, you know, total permission. And if you raise your hand next week and, you know, I'll

1918
02:08:07.750 --> 02:08:12.090
make sure to make a note and you can go first, but would love for you to not wait that long. Come

1919
02:08:12.090 --> 02:08:18.170
into the group in that community tab and post in there so we can help you move forward. So Alice,

1920
02:08:18.570 --> 02:08:24.130
in the last year single app, when you go in the community tab, there's a button that says create

1921
02:08:24.130 --> 02:08:30.750
a post. If you click on that, you can type your post in there. Does everyone know where to find

1922
02:08:31.710 --> 02:08:39.890
that? Okay. All right. Thank you all for understanding. Again, I'm praying for you. I

1923
02:08:39.890 --> 02:08:44.790
know that God does too, not to exclude her. And so I'll be praying for you all as you continue to partner

1924
02:08:44.790 --> 02:08:49.450
with forgiveness this week, I am going to pray for us and close us out. Father, thank you so much

1925
02:08:49.450 --> 02:08:55.390
for your goodness. God, thank you for forgiving us. Lord, in the depths of our sin, God, I thank you

1926
02:08:55.390 --> 02:09:01.890
that you sent your son, Jesus, to die for us, to set us free, for us to be healed in our bodies.

1927
02:09:02.010 --> 02:09:06.830
So many people mentioning physical ailments that have come because of emotional trauma, physical

1928
02:09:06.830 --> 02:09:13.690
things. God, we're asking you to divinely heal us, that you would align us with just heaven and

1929
02:09:14.670 --> 02:09:18.910
heaven's perspective of our body. And I just thank you, God, that you would help us to continue to

1930
02:09:18.910 --> 02:09:23.150
heal from the inside out in our emotions, that you would reveal those things that are in darkness,

1931
02:09:23.430 --> 02:09:28.290
bring them to the light, God, so that we can have greater revelation, greater truth coming in.

1932
02:09:28.530 --> 02:09:32.430
I thank you, Lord, that you would help us to forgive ourselves where we need to forgive ourselves.

1933
02:09:32.430 --> 02:09:38.930
God, we thank you for grace and mercy that is abounding and new to us every morning. We ask

1934
02:09:38.930 --> 02:09:44.250
for Salem rest over every woman that's here live, as well as those that will watch the replay.

1935
02:09:44.710 --> 02:09:49.310
Bless our sleep. Help us to hear what your spirit is saying more and more and more in the days to

1936
02:09:49.310 --> 02:09:56.530
come. In Jesus' name, amen. God bless you all. Love you all. I'll see you in the group. Have a good night, everyone. Bye-bye.