Hello, good evening, everyone.
So glad to be back here with you tonight for another Monday evening and expecting another
great night of God to break through in your lives as well as mine.
I feel like every time I coach, God is showing me things as well.
So we're in it to win it with you all.
I just want you to know that we pray for you and we're asking God for breakthrough in your
lives and even, you know, not just for the live sessions, but in general that we're thinking
about you all throughout the week and praying and asking God to meet you where you're at,
but also to help you take that next step forward in your heart healing journey.
If you are new and this is your first live session, you've never been with us before.
Would love for you to put that in the chat for us so that we can welcome you first and
just say, hi, I see a couple of new faces, I believe, but just want to make sure that
we know who you are.
If you are joining us again, welcome back.
So glad to see all of you as well.
God is on the move, you all.
I used to say all the time that actually just made me think of something way back when I
first started leading prayer in this community.
I'm a big Lion King fan, y'all.
I like God talks to me through movies and music a lot.
Anyways, I used to, when I watched that, just really was moved by, you know, that.
And then the other one that I think of is, shoot, now I'm going to forget the name of
the movie, but Aslan is on the move.
And so there's these two lion movies that God has used, Narnia, thank you, remembered.
But the reason I'm bringing that up is because the Holy Spirit dropped into my spirit right
when I went to talk.
Aslan is on the move.
And so we know that the Lord is called the Lion of the tribe of Judah, okay?
And so I want to encourage you that no matter what you've experienced in the past, that
God is on the move in your life and He can move anything.
Nothing is impossible for Him.
And this afternoon, we were talking about how, like, as I was sharing, water came up
in the conversation very quickly several times.
And then as I shared that, I was like, whoa, we need to pay attention to that.
I think it was Kalondra, I think that's how you say her name.
She said that they were talking about water on the prayer call as well.
And the reason I want to tie these two things together right out of the gate when you come
in tonight is because I believe God is wanting you to raise the level of your expectancy
that He is moving and where things have felt jammed up.
You don't know why something is stuck.
What I was talking to them about was how when the water starts moving, this was one of the,
I think the second or third thing I said this afternoon about water, when the water is moving,
when there's a force that starts to accelerate, that's more powerful than what was there before
in the water, anything that like sticks or anything that kind of got stopped, I don't
know if you've ever just paid attention to even a small stream where, you know, there's
a stick or something, it kind of starts to create a dam where that water kind of gets
held up.
Well, eventually, the force, you know, when it gains more momentum and more strength,
it can either push that stuff out of the way, or the water will just go past it, it'll just
go right past that thing, that for whatever point of amount of time was an obstacle for
it.
And so what I want you to be asking the Lord tonight is where have I believed the lie that
I am stuck, and that there is an obstacle that God cannot help me overcome.
Now, obviously, we know that where you feel stuck, that's a revealing for healing that
is typically showing you, hey, there's there's something that needs healed under this surface
here.
But also, I believe that it can show us areas where we need to grow in our ability to trust
the Lord and to know that He is mighty.
He's everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, like He is the King of Kings, He can do literally
anything.
He created everything out of nothing.
So what what leads us to believe that He can't work in a supernatural way in our life?
So that's where we're starting tonight, ladies.
That's where we're starting.
And we're going to we're going to partner with that all the way through the session
tonight.
And I'll tell you what it's going to be about.
Some of you know, because you were here with us this afternoon, but I pray and hope that
even little nuggets come fresh tonight from heaven.
And so I do have a housekeeping item for you.
If you are new, or you've been here for a few weeks, and you've never done an introduction
post in our group, I want to encourage you to do that.
We would love to see a picture of you something that you love, and we would love to learn
a little bit about you.
Where are you from?
What led you to our community?
What are a couple things about yourself?
And why is this important?
Well, it's important because it's you all, it's your first step of being seen, known
and loved.
It's a way for you to allow your sisters in this community to get to know a little bit
about you.
I don't know about you all.
bit like sometimes when you read something that someone writes and you're just like oh my gosh I
love that too or I like doing that too doesn't it create this instant kind of like connection
feeling it does for me so I hope it does for you as well and for those of you that have already
done your post I'm so glad that you did them and I have loved reading them I know that my team
enjoys it as well but want to encourage you all to do that in the last year single app under the
community tab okay so that's where you're going to post that and I'm going to turn over to Annette
she has a couple other housekeeping items for us she's going to pray us in tonight I forgot to
introduce myself I just realized because I forgot to introduce her I'm Bethany Cooper I'm one of the
master Harvard coaches here in our community Annette Lewis is one of our peer coaches who's
here with us tonight as well so glad to have you Annette joining us tonight thank you it's good
to be here and along the lines of what Bethany said when you're sharing things about yourself
it really can be a line that connects you to other sisters in the community I know specifically
being a nurse that when people would post and say oh you know I'm a nurse and I would reach out
and actually just by doing that I was in the wedding of a sister from the community
because we connected that way so you never know what that line is that's going to be that connects
to one of your sisters and also along the lines of the posts we want to get back to all of you we
it's important to us we want to respond please don't delete your posts if you put them up and
you think we haven't responded or it's been too long especially over the weekends sometimes it
takes us a little bit longer I know for myself I'm often not in the group able to help on the
so there's fewer of us to respond to your posts so just be patient with us and know that you're
important to us and what you have to say matters and we also want to be able to jump in and coach
and respond to the posts so leave them up please and we will we will get to you and the next thing
is Supernatural Saturday we always hope that you can be there with us live if you can't please
listen to the replay they're so powerful I know this last weekend when I was getting ready for
work I put my earbuds in and I was listening while I was getting ready for work and I'm always
so encouraged when I'm able to be present live if you can't please do listen to the replay you'll
be blessed by it for sure Jackie always has great wisdom for us okay I'm going to go ahead and pray
now and we'll get started dear heavenly father thank you for the opportunity to be here together
tonight thank you for the plans and the purposes that you have for us and for the revealing for
healing and the transformation that you have for each one of these ladies that is going to
bring them closer to their most authentic self and the plans and purposes that you have created
for them long ago even before they arrived on this earth god because of your goodness and your
grace and your mercy you allow us to be healed and to be renewed one day at a time I pray that
they would take steps and be attentive to holy spirits leading and guiding and tonight I pray
that your spirit would speak to us through Bethany thank you for her service and for her heart for
all the ladies in the group and for just the wisdom that she brings because of you god in your
name I pray amen okay Bethany back to you my voice is a little hoarse tonight I'm sorry all right you
did great blessings to you praying healing over you continued healing I love that thank you so
much it ministers to me a lot when I can just receive and hear what someone else is praying
on that note when Andrea was praying this afternoon she was praying for soft hearts
and as soon as she started praying I just saw an image of a sponge and so as I started tonight you
know with the the water and to raise your hopeful level of expectancy I want you to be thinking of
lord help me to be like a sponge we want to soak up all the truth that god has for us tonight ladies
we want to be able to receive his love in a fresh way thanks alice and just allow what's coming up
in my spirit is you know when the light comes in the darkness has to flee okay and love you know
that perfect love from heaven cast out all fear fear has to do with torment and all the other
from the enemy from the evil one you know that our flesh
so longs to connect to, unfortunately. All of those things, we want those to become less and
less and less. And we want the Lord and the Spirit of the Lord to become greater and greater and
greater. And so as you're just listening to the stuff tonight, I really want to encourage you,
Lord, help me to be like a sponge. Help me to receive the presence of your Spirit in a fresh
way. Help me to hear what your Spirit is saying. You know, I pray that a lot. Help me to hear what
your Spirit is saying. Help me to see what your Spirit sees. And I was reading something this
week and it added, and I don't know if I've ever seen this before, it said, help me to have a heart
to understand. It was like a third layer to that. I've never, either I've never noticed it or I've
never heard it. I don't know. But that one really stood out to me. Help me to have a heart
to understand. So not only do we want to hear what the Spirit is saying and see what the Spirit
sees, but help us, Lord, to have a heart to understand it, to have that upgrade of our,
like our revelatory, you know, facilities here that enable us to hear what the kingdom of heaven
is saying and receive it. Okay. And so on that note tonight, we're talking about forgiveness.
And no matter how many times you've heard this, I want to encourage you don't check out.
Okay. Whether you've heard it multiple times here in our community, because you've been in
heartwork for a little bit, or, you know, you've heard it outside of here in a church,
you know, again, that we would come in with a new heart, just really open to receive.
This is the quote I'm going to start out with tonight. It is in the heartwork book and I love
it. It's powerful. It says, we must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devout
of the power to forgive is devout, devoid or devout, I don't know how you say it, of the power
to love. We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. So that's a key word, capacity.
I believe that, you know, in this last season, my husband and I have been talking about capacity,
capacity a lot. Do we have the capacity for this, you know, new thing that we're taking on in the
church or, you know, God give us the capacity to, you know, train or invest in this person,
you know, here in the last year single or whatever that looks like.
And so, you know, what is your capacity level lately to forgive? And on that note, I want you
to really be thinking about what it was like for you when God first forgave you. Like, I want you
to, I want you to allow yourself to go back to that moment of what it was like for you when you
realized that Jesus died for you. He allowed his body to be broken and his blood to be shed for
the forgiveness of your sins, for your healing, for your redemption, so that you could be in
relationship with him and the father when you first really understood that and it changed your
life. What was that like? How did that feel? Didn't it feel amazing in the realization that
there was so much grace and kindness and love towards you, always towards you, but in that
moment, you finally realized it and you were able to receive Jesus, hopefully, as your savior in
that process, either before or after or however that looked for you. But to be thinking about,
like, you know, this, this man, Jesus, he went to the cross. He has this crown of thorns placed
upon his head and they push it into his brow. You all just even thinking about the things that
he endured for me, for you, he did it all knowing what we would do. And he still chose us.
And the reason I want you to be thinking about that is because I think there's a lot of times
where we partner with, it's too hard to forgive them. Someone else, I mean, someone has hurt us
and we feel that it's just too big to forgive them. They've hurt me too much. It's too hard.
Well, if we partner with hard ladies, I promise you, it's going to, it's going to remain hard.
I'm not saying it's easy to forgive, but I am saying it's worth it. And God commands us to do it.
But so often we forget how much we've been forgiven of. And that's why we feel like we can
make the choice to not forgive. I really believe that even myself and in some of the worst moments,
you all, I mean, when I found out my spiritual daughter's dad was cheating on me, not with one
person, you all would like, I don't even know. I started losing count. There were so many women
when this whole Pandora's box opened, I literally thought, you know, growing up and going through
the things.
I did, I didn't think I could feel shame on a greater level than that time until I went through
this situation. Because not only that, some of you have heard this part of my story, but one of
the women in particular started stalking me and harassing me and sending me all these horrible
messages, like basically treating me like I was the bad guy. Y'all, it was bad. It was really,
really bad. Like I called the police and filed a restraining order. I started pulling off of
social media because she literally showed up on all of my social media. Um, and this happened
more than once with this woman. I'm saying this to say that in the moment where I found all the,
all this stuff out, and then I'm going through this with this woman and I can't get rid of her.
Like she just kept coming back and she just kept coming back.
You better believe I didn't feel like forgiving, but it's not about our feelings, is it?
Forgiveness is not a feeling. It's a choice. Praise the Lord. God gave me the grace and I'm
not saying it was easy. You all, it wasn't, but God gave me the grace and the power to be able
to choose to forgive and move forward with my life and move away from those people that were
really, really toxic people. And, and literally when I tell you back in the day, this was before
I joined Jackie's community, I was doing all kinds of like teaching and I was going live on my social
media. And when that all happened, I just shut down and I just pulled away from so much. And
I lost this huge part of my life because of, of these people. And I didn't understand it,
Lord, I was doing everything I knew to do for you. And here I am again,
I'm the one that's getting hurt again. I remember thinking all of these kinds of things,
but praise the Lord. He allowed me to forgive. He allowed me to move forward. He put my life
back together greater than it was before that stuff even happened. Y'all I go live all the time,
you know, now, whether it's on my personal or with you all, and we pray on prayer. Like there's just
stuff that God has me doing. I'm so grateful for it. And God is redeeming and restoring all of
that stuff. And so I want you to know that God can redeem and restore your life too. Even if
your story is different than mine, no matter what that looks like and sounds like for you,
God is with you and he will enable you to walk it out. Forgiveness along with repentance and
confession. These are the only things that have the power to put us back in touch with our authentic
original identity. So who God originally created us to be long before wounds or trauma or any of
that stuff ever entered our lives. That is the goal. That is where God wants to help us to get
to. And the forgiveness, repentance, and confession are huge steps forward for us to move towards that
forgiveness breaks the tethers. Remember that when we don't forgive, we are tethered to people,
we are tethered to situations. So if I hadn't forgiven them, I would have literally been linked
to them. Kind of crazy when you think about it like that, but it's the truth. We become linked
in the spirit realm to those people, to those situations. That's where, you know, there's all
these trauma bonds and soul ties and this, and, you know, you guys, there's all kinds of stuff,
but greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world. There's an amazing blessing
and there's abundant freedom in life that is greater than all those negative things, but we
have to choose to walk in the fullness of who God is. And we have to walk in the way that he walked.
Jesus himself forgave those who harmed him. On the cross, what is he saying? Forgive them for they
don't know what they're doing. Here's what I know. That woman, you all better believe I was
like, she crazy. Like she's double crazy. And then some, because I literally like, I, I, I literally
had no desire to talk to her ever. And she just kept messaging me and messaging me. And so God
had to show me like, Hey, she's just really unhealthy. And I knew it in my head, but because
of what was happening, my feelings and how, like all that pressure and all of the, you know,
embarrassment, if I'm being honest, I was so embarrassed. He was cheating on me with this
woman who was far away and they were having this like private life. I don't know, all kinds of
stuff was going on. And then, then for her to come and pursue me, like I was the bad guy, it was just
blowing. But I forgave and then what that did is that released me and it released them. And it's
not up to me to worry about the vengeance side of things, you all. Vengeance is the Lord's.
Now, I know there are times that I have wanted, like, God bring vengeance. Y'all, I have. These
are things I've said. I've said those things about people in situations and I don't know,
I see some smiles. So I think some of you can relate. You know, we do. And I think, you know,
hey, that's the human side of us. But then what happens is, you know, sneaky Jesus gets all up in
my heart and my spirit. And then he's like, Bethany, like, when you forgive them and you
allow me to take you higher and I show you a new perspective, man, that that heaps coals on their
and you get to just live a good life. And, you know, and when you look back,
you know, you know, I don't wish bad on people. I really don't. Because I really do know why
people do things like this. Hurt people hurt people. That's the way it goes.
But when I look back and I look at some of those individuals that have hurt me
immensely, and they're not in a like any different place than where they were
five, eight years ago, 10 years ago. I was like, God, thank you so much that by your grace,
you you called me out of that place. You called me out of that place because you had something
greater for me. And I'm so grateful that I can I can look and see the difference about
where I was then and how insecure I was then. And I, you know, all the forgiveness and the joy and
the happiness of pursuing God's adventures and is fun and blessing people. And I just look and
I'm just like, wow, like so much has changed. And I'm saying that to you because I want you
all to know that that can be your story, too. That can be your story, too. I want you to imagine
I said to the afternoon group, I was going to remember my sunglasses and I still forgot them
tonight. So I just want you to imagine if you had a pair of sunglasses on how many of you all
have ever worn the glasses where the color is actually different in the lens, not just that
it protects you from the UV rays, but it actually is a different color. So like maybe it's like a
blue hint or a peach hint or something like that. If you ever have had glasses like that, you can
just raise your hand. Let me see you. We'll get you activated. I've been talking for a little bit.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Rose colored glasses. That's right. I think some of those they make them that
way because of the saying, but, you know, imagine wearing your sunglasses. And I love to tell this
story. When we first moved to Florida, we were at the beach and we were sitting there and there
was these really beautiful clouds. And I looked over and they looked peach to me. And so I was
like, look at those amazing peach clouds. They're so awesome. And my husband's like, what are you
talking about? And I was like over there. And I'm like, pointing at these clouds. You know,
I did this multiple times. It's so funny. And he was like, Bethany, I don't see what you're
talking about. And I was like, you don't see those peach clouds. And he's like, he's like, babe,
you have your sunglasses on. I forgot I even had them on, but I really saw peach. I really did
until I took my sunglasses off. And then I saw that they were actually the normal color that
clouds are white or gray or whatever, you know, and I'm kind of making light of that,
that I want you to be thinking about the reality of unforgiveness. When we have unforgiveness in
our hearts, it actually changes the way we see everything. It's like walking around permanently
with glasses on. And I'm going to say these aren't rose colored glasses. They're not pretty
glasses. They're going to be more of the dark, dim, like kind of you're going to see like a black,
if you will, everywhere you look, you're going to interact differently with the world and with
people. It's going to impact your ability to truly connect like you might be in a group of people
and have people all around you, but yet you will struggle to actually make genuine connection.
You might actually struggle with the ability to not only receive love, but give it away freely.
God wants us to remain in connection with him, ourselves, and other people. So we have to allow
him to remove the filters and the blind spots that affect the way that we see the things around us.
I'm going to read out of the heart workbook just briefly. It's in chapter six. If you all are
any situation, it doesn't matter what it is.
Bad or good, you don't see that thing, that place, those people the way that they are.
You see them the way that you are on the inside.
Let me say that again so you can really get a hold of it.
We don't see things the way they truly are.
We just see them the way that we are.
So what's going on inside of you right now that's causing you to see people in situations
incorrectly?
I'm going to go on.
For instance, say you were severely hurt by a group of people.
They mistreated you, they lied about you, and then they discarded you.
The heart wounds and lies that were created as a result of that trauma will give you a
skewed perception of groups in the future.
You might start avoiding groups.
You might avoid communities of people like the plague, convincing yourself that they
are all bad.
Ladies, this can apply to men as well.
There's some of you that really you say you want a man but you think all men are bad because
men have hurt you before.
Same kind of thing.
It goes on.
Or you might try again to actually search for a community, but if you do decide to join
a similar group in the future, your most significant obstacle to belonging will be the filter that
was created by your prior experience.
Chances are you will be very sensitive and find fault or become offended quickly.
Or I'm going to also say sometimes you'll be in the victim mode, believing that nobody
wants to connect with you.
We had someone leave the community recently.
They were here for years.
And the reason they said they left is I was here and nobody ever sought friendship with
me.
Kind of sad because I know that actually isn't true.
Because I know our group of people.
Here's the thing.
It's a two-way street, you all.
It's a two-way street.
How can we be in a community this amazing and never reach out to connect with someone
else?
That's on us too.
And I know some of you just went on the retreat that are here.
And wasn't it amazing not only to connect with people online, but you're connecting
in person?
We create those opportunities in this community.
You can take advantage of those things and take it to the next level and get to know
some people.
Okay, I'm going to keep going.
If you haven't done any heart work, it won't be long before your heart is crying danger,
danger because of something that you are seeing through your damaged lens and you will leave.
To thrive in a community again, you will have to have those filters removed by doing the
heart work.
So what are your filters?
What are your blind spots right now that are causing you, whether it's, you know, in friendship
and community, maybe some of you, I know I see some of our ladies that are in phase two
here with us tonight, maybe you're trying to date and man, you just got all kinds of
things showing up and it's because you have some kind of skewed lens and it's showing
up and it's impacting you in a negative way.
Matthew 22, 39 says, love your neighbor as you love yourself.
Remember, I talk about this in the heart work before this night of the session, you know,
the ones that we go through.
It's one thing to love ourselves, you know, the church tells us to love ourselves, we
grow up, you know, hopefully people teaching us to the best of their ability to love
ourselves, but some people don't grow up like that.
OK, some people aren't taught that, but here's the other layer.
Do you like yourself?
Do you actually like you, do you think that when you're alone in a house that the house
is empty and lonely or do you actually like, hey, I bring value to this place?
I'm pretty, I'm pretty special and I don't mean in a prideful way, ladies, but like how
do we how do we think about who we are?
And what we bring to the table, what do we bring to an environment, do you do you
believe that you change any environment that you walk into?
It's true if you allow it to be true.
Y'all don't think I don't get nervous, OK, I'm what is it called an ambivert, I can be
an extrovert, but I'm on I'm very much an introvert and I got to recharge.
Y'all, when I was on the retreat by Sunday night at the five year anniversary party, I
had like my tank, my tank was running on one quarter of gasoline, you all.
It was and I felt bad.
My feet were killing me.
And here I am.
I love to dance.
I love to be with people.
And I just I was like, oh, Lord, I just got I just got a little bit of juice left.
Help me to love the people I'm meeting because I didn't want anyone to think I I
wasn't excited to meet them.
Because I was, I was looking forward to it.
And then I got there and I felt exhaustion setting in.
These are real things, right?
And I know maybe like you're thinking,
how does this connect to forgiveness?
Well, here's what it is.
I could be really hard on myself about that night.
I could be really hard on myself.
Like you didn't say hi to every single person.
You kept sitting down
and I could have just been harsh towards myself
or I can just extend grace towards myself
and understand that I'm a physical being
and I have physical needs that sometimes I can't,
it's real, it's real.
The floor was, the place was beautiful
but I wore these really tall heels of course too
because I'm short and it was a hard floor.
Worst decision, worst decision, bad one.
But I looked cute, praise the Lord.
But y'all I'm joking a little bit here too.
But the reality is, is how do you treat yourself
when something happens?
Do you have grace towards yourself
or do you struggle to forgive yourself?
And not that I did something wrong that night y'all.
I was, I feel like I still was good with people
and all the things, you know.
But I knew that I wasn't kind of in the overflow
that I wanted to be in.
If that makes sense.
And so in the past, I would have really been hard
on myself about that.
Like, you know, you should have done this,
you should have done this.
And I would have really sat and really analyzed it
over and over and over again.
And I've had to learn, hey, like I gotta love myself
and then that's what enables me to love other people.
And so if I'm gonna coach you all
on giving grace towards yourself,
then I've gotta be able to do that too.
And so where do you need to give yourself grace tonight?
Where do you need to, maybe that is something,
a choice that you made that God was like,
hey, don't do that.
Don't go that direction.
And you went that direction anyways.
And he's saying, hey,
it's time to forgive yourself for that.
We're gonna talk about that a little bit more.
I'm gonna keep going.
Reminder again, that forgiveness is not a feeling,
it's a choice.
Ephesians 4.23 says this,
forgive one another just as God forgave you
because of what Christ has done.
Remember you're fighting from freedom, not for it.
Jesus Christ already died to give you freedom
and healing and redemption.
We have to step into it.
We have to partner with it.
Colossians 3.13 says, remember the Lord forgave you,
so you must also forgive others.
It's a command ladies.
This is the option, okay?
This is the option.
It is forgive and we will be forgiven.
I want you to be thinking too about the Lord's prayer,
where Jesus is giving us a model of how we should pray.
And he's saying, to forgive our trespassers,
forgive those who have trespassed against us, right?
And lead us not into temptation,
deliver us from the evil one.
That's just part of it.
But I wanna focus there because I really believe
that us choosing to not forgive because it's hard
or whatever the situation is.
And again, I have complete compassion
if that is where you are and I'm not trying to shame you.
Remember, shame is a spirit.
That's the enemy trying to shame you and guilt you
and condemn you.
That isn't me, okay?
I'm just speaking truth because I've been there.
And it's not good when we stay in bitterness.
It's not good when we park in resentment and unforgiveness.
It will steal you of things that God wants to give you.
It will literally rob you of your life
and your joy and your peace and your happiness.
You wanna forgive all the characters in the story,
including yourself, which is what I was just talking about
a little bit ago.
Forgiveness happens in layers, ladies.
Super important to remember.
We got into a really good conversation
about this this afternoon.
Someone's therapist had actually, and again,
I don't know the context that was set in,
so I don't wanna misrepresent this therapist.
Not that you all even know who it is.
I don't know who it is.
But there was something that they said
to the woman that was getting coaching
about once you've forgiven someone,
you can't look back at that situation again.
And I'm bringing it up tonight
because I don't think that's true.
I think maybe the context, potentially,
that they were, again, I'm interpreting,
saying that in is like, we don't wanna go back in
and dig that stuff all back up, okay?
But if the Lord is revealing something about.
out that again in your life, there's a reason he's doing that.
Forgiveness happens in layers, so does healing.
I've learned this over my life because I remember, like, I forgave my brothers for sexually abusing
me early on in my, you know, coming to know Jesus.
And I was trying to clean this, you know, clean everything out, you all.
And so I just, I forgave, I did the things.
And then six months later, this thing's popping back up and there's more and God, you know,
God's nudging me to forgive again.
And I'm like, well, I already forgave them.
And I remember thinking, I don't understand, I already forgave them, why is this coming
up again?
And it's because there's something else that God wanted to show me about that situation.
There was another layer, there was another piece, if you will, you know, maybe if that
is easier for you to swallow for some of you, you're like, I don't want God to bring that
situation up again.
You know, like you start to feel that panic and I don't want you to feel that here.
I want you to understand.
I try to encourage you all just, it's like taking a peek back up under the hood of your
car, you know, like you don't got to take out the whole engine again, unless the Lord
leads you to, because some of you all might need to, He might lead you to take the engine
out because even though some of you have gone through immense counseling, and I'm sure it
was effective, you're in a different place now.
So you're going to receive a different level of revelation about that thing than you could
have before.
Capacity to forgive.
Oh, I just felt that in the Holy Spirit.
See, that's the thing.
Some of you, you know, even coming into the heart work now, you only have so much capacity
and that's OK.
That's where you're at.
And in a couple of months from now, you might have a little bit greater capacity to retain
information, to understand and get the revelation of what God is saying to you.
And then in a couple more months, you might have greater capacity.
Let's not be hard on ourselves.
See that's the enemy's game, comparison, comparison, comparison, tell you you're not good enough.
You're not smart enough.
You're not picking up the heart.
We're quick enough.
They're flying right through and they're getting breakthrough.
What's going on with you?
Because he's just trying to take you out.
Because if he can get you to be down on yourself, that you're not good enough or, or why can't
I remember?
I'm trying.
I'm listening to the videos and I'm reading and I can't retain this information.
I hear it.
I hear a lot of people saying that lately.
And I just want you to know it's OK.
It's because you're at a place right now where you only have so much capacity to receive.
Some of you may need to make more room, OK?
That might be where some of you are at.
You might need to let go of some of the Bible studies you're in.
Yes, dare I say, some of you have Bible studies every night of the week.
And I think that's awesome.
I used to be that person.
But hey, if we're doing stuff every single night and we're trying to do heart work, y'all,
it's going to be really hard to move forward.
If God is calling you into a season of heart healing, I want to encourage you to allow
that to be priority.
That Bible study will be there for you when you're finished.
And I'm not saying you'll have to pull out of all your Bible studies.
So don't hear me saying that either.
But I do think the Lord is on this in particular, because here's the thing.
Sometimes we get into striving and FOMO.
And in some of us, we are so busy being busy because we are afraid of the healing and the
process that we need to go through to heal.
And so we fill our life with all this stuff.
And God is saying, hey, slow down.
I want you to say no to that thing.
And I want you to come away with me, my love.
Come away, my dear one, because I have something for you that's going to change your life.
I want to heal you.
I want to set you free.
Right, but we have to choose to make the space for it.
OK, I'm just saying that goes with forgiveness, too, because some of you all, again, you're
filling your stuff with all these things, trying to hide from all of the things that
are going on.
Yeah, Megan, that can happen for sure.
She said, I keep falling asleep or I'm really tired every time she tries to do it.
Now, some of that, I will tell you, can be the enemy assaulting you with a spirit of
So pray into that.
OK, and I'm not going to get into all the different ways the enemy can attack us, because
we're going to focus more on who God is.
But I just want you to know that that is something that can happen there.
All right, really quickly, as we start to kind of get ready for Annette to share and
then our breakout session, I want to talk about victim versus survivor versus thriving.
What's the difference between the three?
And when I say this stuff to you all again, I want you to remember this isn't about you
feeling bad.
about where you are. It's just about acknowledging where you are so that you can move forward. Okay.
All right. Victims are people that tend to feel helpless. Okay.
They tend to blame other people, and then they tend to focus on the past.
And also, as I'm saying these, here's the reality too. I think in some of our hearts,
in areas of our hearts, we can be surviving or thriving. In other areas, we can be in victim.
Okay. So you might have a heart posture in victim regarding certain aspects of parts of your life,
and you might be surviving or starting towards thriving in other areas. So be aware of that as
well. So do you have any areas of your heart and life in your mind, your heart postures right now
where you feel helpless, like nothing's ever going to change, where you're blaming other
people for the things that are going on, and you're focusing on the past? That's victim.
Survivors, again, they've kind of taken some steps forward. They've reclaimed their power.
They're taking responsibility for their choices and how that impacts their life. And remember,
like, we can't change what other people do to us. The only person we can, you know, control in a
sense because we're making the choices, but we know that God is the one that's actually in control,
right, is us, you know, we can't control other people. But this is more about you taking
responsibility for your choices. So for example, that relationship that I was in that was so
terrible, you all that I was talking about, kind of crazy when I think back about it now,
but I stayed with that guy. Nuts. What was I thinking? What was I thinking? I don't know.
I thought he would change. I thought the guy that I met in the beginning was going to come back.
And that guy never even existed, because that guy was fake.
The real guy was the guy that was cheating all the time. That was who I was really dating.
So I had to realize and take responsibility for the fact that not only him, but two other guys,
you know, my ex-husband, the guy I dated after him, and then that guy,
all had similarities. They were all abusive. They all had addiction problems of some kind.
And they all chose to do things with other women.
And so years ago, when I started counseling, after that situation surfaced, this lady,
the counselor said, why do you, you know, why do you feel like you need to work with me? And I
said, well, I don't feel like I need to work with you. I don't feel like I need to work with you.
with you. And I said, well, here's the thing that God is showing me. I've attracted the same kind
of person over and over again. So the same common denominator, though, here is me. I'm the common
denominator. So I need to learn why, why that, why am I attracting these kind of people? And then
why am I choosing to date them? I had to own, I had to own that. It wasn't my fault, per se,
that they were treating me those, those ways, right? Those were things that they were doing.
But what I could change was who I was picking to date. And I had to figure out why I was
attracting these people to me that were walking in these ways and doing these things.
And then not only, like I said, attracting them, but choosing to date them, thinking that
I wasn't worth more than that. That's the reality. I didn't, deep down in my subconscious,
I didn't think I was worth more than that. That's why I stayed. And because I was afraid to lose
the girls. I will say that's the other thing. His daughters, I was terrified I was going to
marriage. So maybe that's you, maybe you're in that place of you need to really own your,
you know, your choices, be responsible, and really ask the Lord to show you how to step
forward from those. Survivors choose to heal, they choose self care, they start saying no,
they start setting healthy boundaries. Here's the thing, though, survivors, even though it's
really great, and it's not victim, they choose to live in the state of existing.
And I want you to think about, you know, John 10.10 says the thief comes to kill, steal and
destroy. But I have come, Jesus is talking here. He came to give us life and give it to us more
abundantly. The good, good life. So does that sound like existing to you? It doesn't to me.
So then we want to look at thriving. What is thriving look like? What does it sound like?
People that thrive focus on the future. They have power regarding their future,
they surround themselves with other people who are thriving.
They grow, they develop, they flourish, they prosper.
So where we're at tonight, we want to start taking these steps from, you know, if we're
in victim, how do you start taking steps towards survivors so that you can move towards thriving?
Some of you right now, you're sitting there and you're like, thriving does not even feel
possible for me right now.
I, I don't feel like I can even dream about the future because I can't even pay my bills
right now.
That's real, right?
Your situation might be different.
It might be something else.
Some of you, I think are going through some medical treatments because you got a medical
diagnosis not that long ago.
That's, that's going to be tough, but, but the Lord wants you to keep dreaming about
the future because he has things for you.
The land of thrive, you know, we want to make choices about what do we want to do?
How do you want to experience the world?
Do you have a bucket list?
Do you have things that you're just like, man, I would, I would love to go and experience
this.
And yes, that's awesome to have those for your spirit mate.
I hear so many women like when I meet my spirit mate, I'm going to go do this.
And I used to do that to you all.
I did.
And I think that's great.
But I remember God speaking to me before I met Brian and he said, you're going to travel.
And I was like, okay, literally to the point that I had friends messaging me, God, I was
praying for you.
And God told me that you're going to travel.
And y'all, that was not long before I went on my Austin retreat.
And then I followed Jackie to Tennessee and went to with the group there.
And there were a couple of different things that God led me to do.
And I hadn't traveled in a really long time.
And that started waking me up to want to travel more and experience more of the world and
more fun things.
So maybe some of you, you need to really lean into like, how do you want to experience the
world in the future here?
Here's another one.
How will you act?
What kind of attitude do you want to have?
Do you want to be grateful?
Do you want to be known for a heart of gratitude that when people look at you, they're like,
man, she really loves life.
Or do you want to be someone that you're just kind of caught in stinking thinking and you
just have a lot of negativity surrounding you like the Eeyore cloud?
Y'all, that's real stuff, too.
Some people, that's where they're at.
And it's as I if you all read books, you're probably never going to read that there's a
spirit called Eeyore.
But I think that there is.
I think that there is.
I think that the enemy assaults people with this deep gloominess in their spirit.
And it just hovers and it's different than being sad.
And so I've literally prayed the spirit of Eeyore off of people again, the Lord can tell
me one day when I get to heaven if that's real or not, but I've felt like it's real as
I've prayed it.
So if that's you, I want you to know that you're not alone and God can literally help you
break out of that. You don't have to continue in that.
And for some of you, that has been down your family line, like your mom was like that or
your dad and then your grandma, like it's come down through your family line.
And so that's how you your families existed, the negativity and, you know, hating on men
or whatever that dynamic is.
And God is wanting to call you out of that tonight.
All right, so I'm going to have Annette share what God has put on her heart to share
tonight about forgiveness, and then I'm going to get you all ready for the breakout
session, OK?
Thanks, Bethany, when I was asked to share tonight about forgiveness, I have to say
that it wasn't one big thing that came to mind that I learned when I went through
heartwork. What I what stuck with me and what I have really taken forward are
forgiving in the small things because the small things were adding up for me in
different places that were just just planted, just enough of a seed that resentment
could grow because it would get in there so quickly and I would know I would be
irritated or frustrated or something.
But I never stopped to think, OK, I need to forgive because it wasn't a big thing
like I knew I needed to forgive my dad and the babysitter when I was sexually abused
when I was younger, like, OK, forgive that.
But it's also the little things along the way that can get in that are just small,
seem small.
for me, really, if I let them grow over time, would really cause, would really cause resentment.
And one of the things that has really helped me to get there is just praying that God would give
me a heart posture, a heart posture of forgiveness, not just in the big things,
but in the little things. If I noticed myself, you know, like a, like a basketball or a soccer
ball or something where you pick it up and you just kind of play with it a little bit,
I wanted to put it down before at the feet of Jesus and let him be the one who defended me,
who helped me to forgive. Because when I started to notice the, the feelings of the frustration
and the irritation and the resentment coming, then rather than run with that, I would take it
in prayer to God and let him, not because I felt like it, certainly not because I felt like it,
but when I would say out loud, okay, I choose to forgive and I choose to forgive because God,
I know that you have forgiven me for my sins in my past, for sins in my present and for future
that you don't hold my sin against me. And it makes me think of the story in the Bible about
the man who pleaded for forgiveness and he got forgiveness. And then he turned around and had
somebody who, who owed him money and he didn't give them that same forgiveness. And I remember
when I read that Bible story thinking, hello, how can you do that? Like you just walked away.
And one day it was like the Holy Spirit whispered, but that's what you do every time you don't forgive.
And that was a revelation for me so that when I, when I can stop myself and think,
okay, I don't want to be that person. God, you forgiven me, called me to be an example.
So my heart posture, I want it to be one of forgiveness. And I have found so much freedom
in that when I'm able, it doesn't mean that it's easy. There's definitely times when I choose it,
not because I want to, but because I want to honor God. And so I will ask for forgiveness.
And he's always been faithful to help me through. And yes, some of it is in layers. Sometimes I'm
like, okay, okay, I'm, I'm in a good place. And then it'll spring up over here a little bit later.
And I have to think, okay, we're going to do this again. And you lay it down and you think,
I want my heart. Most of all, I want God's way, not my way. And so
that has been one of the things that's brought me the greatest freedom and has been the most
powerful tool. I guess I, although I don't really want to think of it as a tool,
a powerful act of obedience that I could do, even when I don't feel like it is to just forgive.
And yes, times that is even myself. When I extend grace to myself, when I've been
frustrated about something, in fact, last Monday, long story short, I misunderstood something that
our immigration attorney said that has had a drastic impact on Arthur's ability to come to
the US. So now he won't be coming to down to Tacoma until he won't be able to come until
beginning of January. Because, and I beat myself up for a few hours. And then what I realized is
same thing. We forgive others, but we also have to forgive ourselves. We can't turn it in and
extend to others. What we're not willing to extend to ourselves, because if we're not
extending it to ourself, that makes it even harder to extend forgiveness to others. So there's always
ample opportunity to forgive and to practice forgiveness, but there's also a huge blessing
in walking in the freedom that that brings. So thank you, Bethany back to you. So good.
For those of you that don't know, Annette is one of our success stories in the community as well.
Arthur is her husband. When she met him, he lived in Canada. So sometimes he still is up there and
they're working on the immigration and all the things. So that's what she's referencing. And
so thank you for sharing that. That's so true, right? About when we look even in stories in
the Bible, like how could that person do that?
And God's like, Hey, kind of like reminds me of Nathan and David, right?
Nathan, the prophet.
And he's like, Hey, and he's talking about this person.
And, and then David realizes, Oh, he's talking about me.
Right.
It's one of those kinds of situations.
I wanted to read this to you all.
I know we're kind of running late, but I feel like this is important
because I just happened to flip through and forgot this was even in the book,
but it's in the victim mode area.
It says we will all be the victim of something or someone in our lifetime,
but staying in victim mode is dangerous.
It can lead to many self-destructive patterns and behaviors.
Most addictions, self mutilation, suicidal tendencies, chronic and
toxic relationship patterns stem from viewing ourselves as victims.
When you think of yourself as a victim, you create opportunities with your
choices that continue to reinforce that identity.
If you're not careful, you can use the bad things that have happened to you as
an excuse to not only do bad things to yourself and others, but to continue to
choose things that will bring you more and more suffering.
And I know, um, we have a few ladies in here that have shared very, um,
transparently some things, uh, sin cycles that they are working to break.
And so I felt like it was really important to mention that, you know,
when we partner with the victim, it says most addictions right at the beginning
there. And some of those sin cycles, you know, that partner with lust.
Those are addictions.
Those can become addictions and things where we're self soothing with
things that are lustful.
Okay. Y'all can interpret that however you want.
All right. But I think that it's really important for you all to know that you can
come out of all of those kind of things, including the chronic and toxic
relationship patterns. Just like I did.
I came out of all of those unhealthy behaviors of being with people that
were super toxic.
And now I'm with like one of the most devoted people you all.
I just, he's just really awesome.
And so that can be your, your situation too. All right.
So I'm getting ready to send you into the breakout session.
Your question tonight is who do you need to forgive and why? Okay. Super simple.
I'm going to give you six minutes. And, um, when you get into your room, ladies,
just remember some people have internet delays. So just kind of hang out there.
If I see that you're by yourself, I will move you.
If you get into a room where someone is having trouble with their mic and they
can't talk, um, you can just come, um,
actually just ask me to come help you.
And then I'll know that that means something's not working in your room.
Cause sometimes when y'all come back to the main room, you get stuck there and
it's hard for me to put you back in to your room. All right, here you go.
Those are up on the screen for you to join.
Go ahead and click those to join as quick as you can.
I bet the knee, I don't know if I was put in a breakout room yet or not.
It should have popped right up on your screen there.
I think it was in small mode and I saw it said breakout.
And then when I put it in big mode, the, um, you know, the zoom,
it disappeared.
Okay. Let me send you a different one. I'll put,
I'll have to just move Nari around. That's fine. And try that one.
Do you see that popping up? Yeah. Thank you, Bethany. You're welcome.
All right. Let me put them.
I had a lot of people sitting by themselves.
We had people bump out as soon as I said, breakout room, right?
Margaret's by herself too. Sorry, y'all.
Sometimes I got to talk through this so I don't miss people.
Okay.
Oh, Margaret came back, Margaret.
I was just getting ready to put you in a different room. Are you able to, well,
let me just send that to you. Let me hold on one second. Nari, where is she?
She's in 20. Okay.
Can you click to join that room?
Awesome. I think I've gotten everybody situated.
Father, thank you so much for this night.
God, I thank you for revealing for healing that are happening. Lord,
thank you for, um, also at times just showing us, um,
just different ways that you're trying to communicate to us. Um,
I just am so grateful that tonight,
just things that you led me to say that I didn't bring up this afternoon.
It just reminded me of, you know,
God of how fresh you are and the sense of that.
You have a fresh word for us, you know, even throughout the day,
like how that can even shift even just a few hours apart from each other.
And I'm just so grateful, God, that you, um, you know,
every one of these ladies that are here live, those that.
watch the replay. I just want to say to those of you that watch this replay, I heard a testimony
today about someone that came through our program. They weren't able to join the lives,
but they always watch the replays and how much breakthrough they got. And I just want
you to know that we know that God can work supernaturally in your life, just as much
as if you are here live. As much as we want you here live, we understand, and we're so
glad that you're watching the replay. But I just feel so grateful for all the things
that God is saying and doing. So where we just partner with you in the revealings for
healing that are happening, God, we thank you for divine acceleration and impartation
is a word I'm just hearing in my spirit. So I'm just going to speak that over you all,
that God would impart to you the ability to move forward in your life and to see yourself
through different eyes, that you would start to hear things differently, that God is inviting
you into a divine reset, a divine realignment. And even as Jackie was saying on Saturday,
like we're still in the fourth quarter and we still have so much breakthrough that we
can receive and so many blessings. And we don't want to, we don't want to tuck her out,
if you will, kind of like I was talking about at that party. I'm so grateful that I did
try to stay engaged, even though like my, you know, like I said, these physical things
rise up. And so whoever that's for, I want to encourage you to stay in the game, keep
doing the hard work. Even if you're like, man, every obstacle keeps rising up. Every
time I try to move forward, just chaos is happening all around me. I just want to encourage
you to picture yourself. I literally just saw in my spirit, like a pool, a baby pool,
like pool, P-O-O-L. I don't know. Sometimes when I say things, I'm like, I don't know
if they understand what I'm saying, because how I say it, but, and you're just getting
drenched in water and, and you might think, well, I'm an adult, so I'm not going to fit
in there. But what I want you to understand is that even this afternoon, we talked a lot
about God helping you all return to like who you were as kids and, and forgiving yourself
at, in the little child area where maybe there was something that you did that you haven't
been able to forgive yourself for. And until you forgive yourself there, a lot of you
are going to really struggle to forgive yourself in the today, in the now. And so I want to
encourage you to do that. And I believe that that, that image that I saw is, is kind of
reminding me of like that childlike faith, entering into the child zone, really allowing
yourself to love yourself really well, including again, like, you know, what were the things
that happened when you were a child? One of the ladies was just saying like, she was
like, felt really guilty and bad about she didn't listen to her mom about something when
she was eight years old. And something dangerous ended up happening. Thank goodness she ended
up being okay. But she realized in that moment, like why her mom was saying, don't go do this
by yourself. And she had so much guilt. And she never talked to her mom about it. She
was right out in the sun to prevent having to tell her mom like that she didn't obey.
And I don't know that they've ever talked about it. And this was when she was eight
years old, and she's struggling to forgive herself in some things today. And so I encouraged
her like, go back and forgive that little girl part of yourself. And I encouraged her
like, hey, I would, whether she gives it to her mom or not is up to her. I've asked her
to pray about it. But I encouraged her to write a letter to her mom and tell her mom
what happened, and apologize. And again, I asked her to pray like she doesn't mean
she has to give it to her mom, her mom is still alive. But she can pray about it and
decide if that's something she feels led to do. And who knows what other conversations
could come out of that, you know. And so I want to encourage you all that that is really
beautiful. You know, a reminder of all the healing that God wants to do in us not just
in the here and now, but he wants to go back to those areas. And those places and spaces
in our hearts that we have longed for freedom. And maybe we've forgotten about them. Psalm
1 verse 3 in the Passion Translation says this, he will be standing firm like a flourishing
tree planted by God's design, deeply rooted by the brooks of bliss, bearing fruit in every
season of his life. He is never dry, never fainting, ever blessed, ever prosperous. And
we will become these flourishing trees planted by your design next to that river of living
water and we will we will receive your abundant life, your truth, your healing into every
area of our hearts and lives. Love that. Welcome back. So glad to have you back really quickly.
Your activations for this week are forgiveness prayer sheets. So you're whether you're in
week four or not. Forgiveness prayer sheets are under week four. It's also under the welcome
tab in the last year single.
app. I want to encourage you to go ahead and
want to encourage you to go ahead and fill out the forgiveness prayer sheet.
Again, remember to forgive all the people that are related to the story.
And for some of you, I get this question a lot.
Do I need to do, do I need to do a forgiveness prayer sheet for
every single thing that these people did to me?
Well, what is the Lord telling you to forgive them for?
Is he telling you to forgive them for every single thing they ever did,
you know, to you? If not, then you don't need to go back and do all those. You
need to forgive them for what the Lord is
highlighting to you to forgive them for. And so you're going to get that
sheet. You're going to fill it out. You're going to pray
to forgive them and release them. And you're going to pray whatever else to
forgive if you need to forgive yourself or anything.
And you're going to follow that. That's activation number one.
Activation number two is you're going to come into the group. Blast your single
app under the community tab. And I want you to share with us who is
someone that you're forgiving this week and why.
Just tell us about it, okay? If you're struggling to forgive someone, again,
there's no shame. Even though I've talked about like, hey, we don't partner with
hard. If you're still struggling with it, let's
let's talk about it. Come into the group. Let us know.
Because most likely there's just another level of healing and revelation that you
need to help you get to that place, okay? All right. I'm gonna go ahead and start
with Nari. Hi.
Hi. So there was a lot that you shared tonight
and that I want to talk about but I won't take up all the time. But the one
thing that I wanted to say was it's actually interesting that this was
the topic tonight because I've been dealing with this
over the weekend it came up. And I just finished the forgiveness module. So I'm
doing the forgiveness prayer sheets slowly
for things that are coming up. And for me, I have spent a lot of my time
and I've done a lot of work and healing around forgiveness with my
family of origin. Particularly my father
because of all of the ways that he has hurt me,
hurt my family, and especially my mom as well. And so
recently my mom has been dealing with some health issues. I don't live at home
with my parents but I've been feeling a bit guilty not
living at home because I feel like part of my role is to kind of
help them out in any way that I can. And
my mom is kind of like holding it all together but she's also dealing with
health issues. And my dad isn't like, I mean my dad
has always been my dad, the same kind of person.
And this recent weekend I was there visiting
and me and my dad got into an argument again. Like I got into an argument
because he's very like opinionated and I am too but he
can become quite aggressive when he's trying to
share his opinion and enforce it on me. And more specifically like he's trying
to tell me what I should be spending my money on
which really triggered me because he's like, you need a new car.
And I know it's coming from a good place but
whenever I express my opinion or whenever I try to assert myself with him
he gets angry and he doubles down on what he thinks I should be doing.
And so as a result I've always struggled with
people pleasing and setting boundaries and I've gotten really
a lot better at that in the last few years. But it still comes up with him
where I get really stressed and then I get really angry and I have a lot of
internal anger that I've been trying to work through
and I have. And now as an adult I have an
autoimmune condition because I've probably internalized all that
I found myself so upset and bitter and angry at him after that conversation
and then Sunday I woke up and I didn't want to go to church. I forced myself to
go. I was just not in the mood and I just
noticed it kind of stayed with me for the whole weekend and
it's so hard because I feel like I have forgiven him and I
have developed a better relationship with him
now than I ever have in my life. And then he still does these things so he's not
really willing to change it's just who he is
and it's like how do I continue to keep this relationship,
set my boundaries and have like I guess how do I
how do I navigate this when I almost feel like
I have to continuously deal with something when someone is not willing to
I guess they they're just difficult right he's a difficult
person. So I feel like I'm like, Oh, I have to forgive him
again. And it's just going to be like, something I have to do
for the rest of my life. And then I get angry. And then I
feel like why am I still getting triggered about this? So yeah,
it's just it's, it's a lot. And then I then I feel bad for my
mom. I don't know.
Yeah, great questions. I will say to I mentioned this this
afternoon, you know, with the holidays coming, you know, I
want you all to really be in a place of prayer about who God is
asking you to be around. If some of you have really toxic
families, you know, I really want you to pray about does God
want you to go around them right now? And I'm not saying you
shouldn't, I'm just want you to be in prayer about it. And then
when you go around them that you are, you know, really going in
with a heart of not expecting them to give you something they
can't give you. Okay. And so Nari, I think part of it is that,
you know, it's a level of expectation that you're going to
have to let go of who your dad is, and who you want him to be.
It sounds like that's not where he is at. And he may not be
capable of that at this point in his life. Now, God can absolutely
continue to heal him. But you know, that takes a heart that
wants to be teachable, and that's soft, right. And so for
now, I think the biggest thing is really letting go of that
expectation of him being someone that he cannot be right now.
And I don't, sorry, and I don't like have that expectation for
him. It's just that when he continuously does things that
are disrespectful, I am no longer in a position where I feel
like I have to tolerate that, speak up, and he doesn't like it.
And then it kind of escalates. So that's where it gets really
challenging. And then, and then it blows up. And then I become a
person that I don't want to be, because I feel like that old
dynamic is playing out from my childhood that I'm trying to
work through. And it's so conflicting, because I love him.
And there's also a lot of good things about him. And he does a
lot for me. It's just that he has his own wounds. And he, he
considered, you know, it sounds like you all when you get into a
verbal interaction that doesn't go well. Have you ever and I
don't know the health of your dad, if he would be able to
handle this. So I'm just presenting it as an idea. Have
you ever considered writing him a letter and telling him how it
feels when you know, he reacts the way that he does.
He's not someone that would be able to,
that's okay. He's an immigrant. He doesn't really like English
is not his first language. So it's just not something that
yeah, I figured just asking again, this is me learning
you're all stories too, because I don't know all the layers and
components you're dealing with every single day. So really, the
only thing I can say is that it's about you continuing to
heal and change when that interaction is happening. And he
starts escalating. Have you and you might have tried this
before, but it's just again, because I don't know, have you
ever tried saying, Dad, if you continue to yell, or if you
continue to say hurtful things to me, I'm going to leave.
Whether that's the room or the house, I'm not going to continue
to stay in this dynamic with you.
Mm hmm. Have you ever have you ever in the middle of that,
again, not like really partnered with asking the Holy Spirit to
help you be in self control that fruit of the spirit of self
control, and set a healthy boundary and say, Hey, Dad, I,
I'm not going to stay in this place with you and continue to
escalate and argue. So if you continue to raise your voice at
me, I'm going to leave the room or I'm going to leave the house.
Have you ever tried that?
I think maybe once but not, like not really, because I don't, I
really struggle with self control. And I really have a
hard time. Hey, yeah, yeah, that's okay. And this is again,
this is how I can help you continue to grow. So I would
love to see you move in that direction. Okay, so let's talk
about what triggers you. So what is the lie that you're hearing
or, you know, when you're feeling enraged? Because I think
that's what I'm hearing you say. It's not just that you're
feeling angry. Does your flesh like when I say this, not like
literal, but does it feel like you're boiling a little bit?
Okay. So I've been there. And I want you to know, a lot of
people feel that.
but we have to look at what's really causing us
to feel that way.
Is it what they're saying and doing,
or is it something that they did before
that we've never fully forgiven,
or a lie that we're hearing as they're saying something?
So with him, I think it feels like
when I'm having these conversations with him,
I almost feel like he's trying to exert control over me,
and it feels very suffocating,
and he's trying to overstep in a very significant way,
and it makes me feel really powerless,
and it feels like what I felt like when I was a kid.
Okay, all right, so here's a couple things.
No coincidence, when you were talking earlier
about the anger, I put an arrow,
and I wrote feels out of control,
and I didn't even know you were gonna end up saying that.
So the Lord already knows what you're dealing with.
So a couple things just to help you recognize,
when we, any of us say, they make me feel this way,
that's actually us giving them all the power, okay?
The reality is, is we feel, we feel something.
They're doing things, and it is impacting us, but we feel.
So instead of us saying, they make me feel this way,
or they made me do this, we say,
I feel this way when you yell at me,
or I feel this way when you do things to try to control me.
Do you see where the ownership comes into play there, okay?
When we're literally saying,
you're making me feel this way,
we're literally giving them all the power.
It's very real that you're feeling powerless,
because you're basically, without realizing it,
subconsciously giving him all the power,
because you're saying, you're making me,
versus saying, okay, this doesn't feel safe,
and I feel sad, or I feel angry,
or I feel rebellious, whatever the thing is,
that we feel when a situation is happening.
So I think the more that you start to kind of break down
the things that you're feeling,
and the lies that you're hearing
when this stuff is happening,
I think it's gonna be easier a little bit more
and more every day for you to identify,
okay, what is really going on here?
What's the core?
And the last thing I was gonna say
is when you all were in the breakouts, I was sharing,
so you might wanna go back and just take a quick listen
to that little segment when you were
in the breakout session,
because I was talking about one of the ladies
this afternoon was sharing an area
where she really needed to forgive herself now,
but she was struggling to,
and what the Lord highlighted to me
is that there was something when she was younger
where she didn't forgive herself for that.
And so because of that,
every time she did something after that,
and she struggled to forgive herself,
it just started creating this stronghold.
But ultimately, it just kept coming up this common thread,
we need to forgive ourselves as our little,
like the younger version of ourselves.
And so you said to me,
it reminds me of how I felt when I was a kid.
And so coming into that place where Nari
is like the younger version of you,
when you didn't feel safe or it felt out of control,
it felt like you didn't have any power,
you know, really asking the Lord to highlight
the first time you as a child felt powerless.
Okay, and even if you've worked on it before,
I really think allowing the Lord to help you come in,
it's almost like the grown up now version of yourself,
kind of in your mind's eye, in your spirit,
you envision yourself going to the small,
young version of yourself,
and hugging yourself, and loving yourself,
and helping you understand like, okay, like we're a team,
and I can heal back here.
So therefore I can heal here.
Does that make sense?
It does.
And I've done a lot of that work before.
Yeah.
And I actually am working mental health,
I'm a therapist as well.
Yeah.
It's just exhausting.
I'm like, why does it keep coming up?
Well, it's probably because it's,
again, there's probably a stronghold in there,
because we're, again, like,
where there's these similar patterns that are happening,
and happening, and happening,
it just creates just like that stronger place.
And here's the other thing, Nari,
is you might be up against something that your mom.
struggled with that's similar, or even your dad.
So there could be a generational component to what you're battling,
and that might be why it feels harder to overcome it.
Even though, like, I will tell you a lot of people that are in
helps ministries or help, you know, like the things that you do,
we all tend to need someone else to help us get breakthrough too,
because no matter how much we've worked on stuff,
sometimes we just can't see it for ourselves because we
we're so busy caring for everybody else, right?
And so I just want to encourage you in that,
even though you've done a lot of work in that area,
ask the Lord to do the heavy lifting this time though, okay?
I think that's super important,
like really envisioning Jesus there with you,
helping you hug yourself and love yourself,
and letting him take the burden off of you.
This isn't something you have to perform or make happen.
Ladies, it's really important for y'all to not partner in striving
and feeling like, you know,
gosh, I feel like I've done all this work and I keep struggling
and why can't I ever break free?
Like, again, partnering with the truth
that you are actually already free in the spirit.
But it's allowing your physical being to catch up
with what's going on in the spirit realm
and what's already been accomplished for you through Jesus Christ.
Yeah, that's actually so true.
And even when you said that,
like, I know I'm still affected by it
because I can feel that heaviness in my chest.
And what you just said about striving,
I think that's part of it.
It's like, I'm trying to like, just kind of cycle through this.
Okay, I need to get it done.
It's like very much striving, like kind of working for it
instead of letting it kind of unfold.
Yeah, and I think just again, also from my perspective,
sometimes I even feel like,
why am I getting tripped up by this?
I know better.
Like, you know, I do this for people all the time.
And I think there's a level of,
we feel like we shouldn't have to do this stuff to a degree.
Not that we don't think we need healing,
but like we know better, you know,
you know better than this kind of thing.
And the enemy is just, again,
he's just trying to condemn and say this silly stuff.
And then we pick up on it and we're like,
oh my gosh, yeah, why am I struggling with this?
I should know better.
And we start condemning ourselves.
Do you see how that starts to work?
And so really partnering with grace
as you're moving forward with this.
And again, allowing Jesus to do the heavy lifting for you.
This is a new season for you, Nari,
as you move forward where,
yeah, you've done the work in the past.
You've done a lot of work that's helped you
get to where you are.
That's the reality, right?
And so now it's just that Jesus wants to take you there
and show you where he's at in that and let,
like, where you literally envision him if you have to.
Like, here, Jesus, and you just give him the backpack.
Like, I need you to heal this younger version of me
because I've done everything I know to do.
And I'm realizing and reminded
that I can't do anything apart from you.
Like, I need you to do it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's good.
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.
We'll be praying for you.
Let us know how it goes, okay?
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Eloise, go ahead.
Hello.
Hi.
So I talked about before a gal that approached me
in my home group and Landa and how she said
that I never reached out to her
and ask how she's doing and all this.
And I have tended, and I guess I still do,
tend to make it all about me.
And you had said something, you usually say this,
you know, when did this first happen?
When did this begin?
And I had a mother who never understood
that quality time and words of affirmation,
those are my two love languages.
And she never got that.
I never got that from her
because she didn't know how to give it.
So I think I, and I'm single, obviously.
And so I tend to need to talk to people
since I live alone.
Well, I don't live alone now.
Um, but anyway, so, and one of the things you said tonight was that, and
Londa's a lovely gal, but she needs, she needs last year single for sure.
I think, but, um, uh, anyway, I think she's got those glasses on that.
There's some healing that she needs, you know, but I'm not saying that I
don't need to change because I do.
And I reached out to one of the leaders and in our home church and,
and we talked about it some, but, um, I don't know.
I've just, with everything I'm dealing with, with, uh, a job search
that's gone on for way too long.
And, uh, so looking for a job and doing this and, uh, just trying to figure
out finances and all this stuff.
I just, it's just overwhelming.
And, um,
so are you feeling led to choose to forgive her tonight?
Is that, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'd already started that, but, um, but I had better
understanding a little bit tonight because I think she's got those
rose colored, well, they're not rose colored, but whatever they are.
Um, you know, I'm understanding a little better where she's coming from.
I still don't know exactly how to do this.
And I'm, um, it just seems like this little home church that I've been in.
Um, you know, I, I met most of these people since I lost my job.
And so they don't, they don't know me, uh, in, in any other way, but kind of,
um, uh, you know, in, in lack.
Yeah.
And one of the things I do think that can happen, and I'm not saying this is true
for you, Eloise, but I just feel led to mention it because I've been in this
place before, too, when you're really struggling with a lot emotionally,
sometimes we can like dump on people.
Um, and so we do have to be careful that we're not doing that, that we're not
just getting around people and just talking about how bad our life is.
Right.
And all the struggles that we have.
And again, I'm not saying that's, that's you, but just for anybody else, just
that we have a self-awareness of like, Hey, how long are we talking?
Are we taking a break and asking the other person about themselves
and really practicing, practicing that?
Um, one of the things I did when I first started leading groups online is I
started like really watching the clock and I would train all my
leaders to watch the clock.
And, and so the reason I say that is just paying attention to how long
have I been leading this part of the session and okay, opening it up to
other people to share and inviting people, you know, and so you all,
anybody, if you struggle with, you know, oversharing or talking a lot,
where the conversation tends to be about you and you don't, you walk away and
you don't really know a lot about that other person, God might be nudging you
tonight to start setting some boundaries and, and pay attention to how long you
are talking about your life and your circumstances, um, without inviting
someone else to be a part of that conversation where you're learning, not
just them talking about your situation, but like, like what's going on in their
worlds and, and what is, you know, God trying to show you about that
person through that interaction.
And so, um, I'm glad that you're getting more revelation regarding that woman.
I even said last week, I didn't think that was an accurate statement about you.
Um, but again, we can always learn stuff out of any situation, you all, even
things that are not true about us.
You know, remember when people say things, we should say, Lord, is this from you?
Is this from me?
Or is this from the enemy?
Right.
Where you're filtering that stuff out instead of just
receiving everything as true.
Right.
And so I'm so glad that you did that.
I'm glad that you're, you know, stepping into forgiveness and, and
choosing to forgive her for that stuff.
And it sounds like, you know, you're doing good stuff by just talking to people
that are over the groups and all of the things, and so praying that you continue
to heal from that and just that God gives you the wisdom on how to navigate
that with that woman in the days ahead.
Yeah, well, we were, we had a home group this Saturday night and, um, and there
was a time where, uh, Larry, who was doing the praise and worship, you know,
playing his guitar and stuff.
And there was a place where they said, you know, get with the.
couple of people and just pray over each other.
And so Londa and Larry and I were holding hands and praying for each other.
And so, you know, maybe, maybe writing her a note might be good kind of deal.
But yeah, if you, if you really feel like that is from the Lord, ladies, we don't always
have to give people a note and say, Hey, I, you know, I forgive you, or, Hey, when you
said this, it hurt my feelings.
Now we might feel led to do that, but really follow the direction of the Holy Spirit.
Because sometimes ladies, you know, the enemy wants us to make mountains out of molehills,
you know, where we can just forgive somebody and move on.
And maybe we don't need to bring that up, you know, but God will show you if you need
to say something to her.
Yeah, I didn't, I wasn't thinking of, I forgive you kind of stuff.
I was thinking about, this is what the Lord's been showing me since you and I talked, you
know, because Brenda, who's one of the leaders in the group, and I wrote that to you in a
message that stayed there, the one I did before went away.
I don't know what happened, but anyway.
I actually saw both of your posts last week, and I commented on them saying, I see both
of your posts.
Okay, cool.
So anyway, she said, be present, be faithful, be right in the moment, be where your feet
are.
I said, okay, be intentional about, and listen more than we talk.
We don't build relationships if we don't listen, ouch.
So, and I really, this has been a problem for a long time and just, it got spotlighted
and it was devastating to me, but I really want to change this.
And I started talking to one of the guys that's in last year's single, just, we did a little
Facebook, little messenger thing.
And, and I, you know, I am being aware of, you're just getting to know this person, you're
just friends kind of deal.
And so, you know, tell me about yourself kind of thing.
Yeah.
So I want to just make sure everyone knows when you're in the heart work, we actually
ask you to press pause on any kind of interactions with guys.
So Eloise, I know you're trying to build friendship with him, but I'm going to encourage you to
stay focused.
You're almost finished with your heart work.
I would love to see you finish this and get it all the way done before you start going
into conversations with men.
Okay.
Yeah.
So just be really careful of that ladies, because the enemy can also, you know, especially
if some of you really struggle with distraction and she's had some health things that are
part of that for her too.
So it's not just like, she's not doing the work, but I just see like there, the enemy's
just dangling this other thing to kind of lead her away from what the heart work.
Remember I said at the beginning, if God has led us to the heart work, that is like, God
needs to be our focus.
Yeah.
And so I want to encourage you to just keep leaning in.
Let's, let's keep moving forward in the heart work.
And, um, really cheer you on, just finish that all the way through and really appreciate
you sharing tonight.
I'm going to have Tiffany share, uh, next.
Thank you.
You're so welcome.
Tiffany, go ahead.
So the Lord had actually already started downloading some things while, like, as soon as you started
speaking, um, this evening and he was reminding me of, he brought back a few memories of a
second husband and one of the, the big things for our relationship was that I would try
to sit down and have a conversation with him, especially when there were things for us to
work through.
And it was like, he would get this kind of glossed over look and he would, he would look
at me and he would act like he was paying attention.
And at the end it was, well, I don't have a problem.
So that's your problem.
You need to deal with it.
And so I was telling Sarah in our breakout group that I actually couldn't remember one
time.
And I was married to him for a little over seven years.
I can't remember one conversation where we actually worked through things.
Now when we were dating, of course, it's exactly what you said.
There was a whole nother side of him, but that wasn't the real him.
And so even at one point, I had gotten to where
Or I was just, I was ready to leave, but I didn't, I didn't want to leave.
I wanted us to be able to work this out.
And I actually told him like, Hey, I'm, I'm considering getting a divorce and
he tried to start talking and he just walked me in a circle and came back to,
but this is your problem.
I'm fine with the way things are.
So if you need to leave, go ahead and leave.
And then the other issue that the Lord reminded me of was that for about the
last, um, the last three years, I had gained some weight because I had a lot
of, um, health issues and so he withheld sex because I was no longer skinny.
And there had been a conversation when we were dating and I told him that I had
had, apparently I don't do well with crazy amounts of stress because I have all
kinds of health issues that never get, you know, diagnosed.
And when the stress is gone, I'm okay.
And praise God, like that doesn't happen anymore, but I had told him about that
even in my first marriage and I had told him, you know, like I gained weight then
and I didn't care cause I would, I, and I told him when we were dating that I
actually kind of used it almost as a, a control, like when I feel out of control,
the only thing I can control was my weight.
And so when I started gaining weight, even though he, he saw that it was
because of health issues, he took it very personally.
And so like all of that's brought up tonight and I, I don't know what to do with that.
Well, the first thing you're going to do this week is forgive him for those things.
And, and I think what's also surfacing here is you know, forgiving yourself for,
you know, partnering with that.
This is the only thing I can control.
And so I'm going to allow myself to, you know, what, whatever that is, if it's
eating more than you should, or whatever, that's actually hurting you physically,
you know, where you take the man or those things out of the equation there and look
at how it's harming you.
Right.
But any, any other things in that, you know that you can forgive now on the flip
side of that, you know, as you forgive him you know, this whole thing with, well, I
don't have a problem.
That's your problem.
I'm just wondering if that ever showed up in your life before you met him, where
anyone has ever kind of said to you like, Hey, this is your problem.
My dad.
Okay.
So that doesn't surprise me.
Um, because I think it's a cycle that's been repeating itself and that's why it
was so prominent with this guy.
Um, and so you may want to pray and ask the Lord and if there's any other things
that you need to forgive regarding your dad, especially the first time that your
dad made you the problem versus owning something that he did.
Okay.
Yeah.
And start there.
And then, um, as you are processing through this, kind of like how I've said,
some of you all, I don't want to give you too much stuff just because I can just
tell for some of you, you need, you need to work on the little things and get going
and then come into the group and say how it's going, what else is God revealing to
you?
And then we can coach you more from that point, because if I give you too many
things, some of you all, it will cause you to shut down.
Okay.
And so the biggest thing is you forgiving doing the forgiveness, prayer sheets,
forgiving your ex for those situations, and then anything that God reveals to you
about your dad, making you the problem.
And then forgiving yourself for anything that God leads you to forgive yourself
for.
So those are the three forgiveness prayer sheets that I would encourage you to do.
What do I do?
Because one of the things is I was listening to the other ladies.
One of the things I've realized is that because of having that, I didn't realize
it was in my dad until you actually just asked me, but is that I overexplain
everything.
And I saw that in the self-preservation stuff in the, in the welcome part of this.
And I was like, Oh my gosh, that's me to a T.
So how do you disconnect from that?
Because I automatically, I'm like, I need you to understand me.
Okay, so what's at the root of that, really?
Wanting to be heard and accepted and understood.
Okay, so then what I would do is I would ask the Lord to reveal,
when is the first time I didn't feel heard or validated with what I was saying?
Because to me, over-explaining grows from those root times where we didn't feel heard,
we didn't feel validated.
And so now from that point on, we just feel this need to get people to understand us.
Because at some point, you know, someone just either A, wasn't willing to take the time
to really pay attention to our heart and what was going on in the situation,
or maybe there was just a miscommunication.
Because sometimes, you know, even I will say things,
and I think it's so clear in somebody else they hear something totally different, right?
Okay. Thank you, Lord.
So sometimes I think, Tiffany, for you, I think that actually has been the case,
where there's just been a miscommunication, but the enemy has convinced you
that, you know, you're not heard, you're not seen, nobody gets you,
nobody wants to get you, everybody makes you the problem,
where some of these people have done that,
but I think the enemy is trying to convince you that that's how it's always going to be with everyone.
And so it kicks you into hyperdrive to try to make sure that people hear you
and know your heart and know why you're saying the things.
It's interesting, when I was in Austin, Jackie said something to me.
She's like, you don't got to tell me why you said that.
You don't got to tell me why you, you know, because I was just explaining something to her,
and I was like, oh, well, I didn't even really think anything about it.
I just was telling you why I had that thought.
She's like, yeah, but you don't need to tell me that.
And I just thought it was so interesting.
So God was highlighting to me that sometimes I feel like I have to tell people
why I have a certain type of thought or why I minister in a certain way
or why I said something about a situation the way I did
because I don't want anyone to think I have ill intention in my heart
or that I'm saying something from a place of like not being grateful for that person
or that relationship.
And so in that situation, for me, I tend to overexplain
because I don't want anyone to think I don't have good things in my heart
towards that person when I'm talking about a situation.
Does that make sense?
Yes, absolutely.
So I think in certain dynamics, we can see that showing up more than others.
And so really asking the Lord, when does this show up the most for me?
Like is it when I'm talking about a certain type of situation?
Is it all the time?
And again, going back to the core, like when's the first time I didn't feel heard
and I didn't feel validated?
Those two words in particular.
And you also just said something about the way I hear things.
I was at a board meeting and a couple of people questioned something
and I heard it as an attack.
Like I don't trust that you're doing this, this, and this.
I'm questioning your motives in this, this, and this.
And so it just, the rest of the evening was tense and everybody felt it.
And one of the ladies afterwards, she knows me really well
and she messaged me and she was like, Tiffany,
I feel like I need you to explain to you what actually this person was saying,
because I don't think you heard it that way.
And when she did, I did.
It wasn't at all how I received it.
And the Lord has actually been revealing that this whole week, this past week.
Yeah.
There's so many different things that I'm hearing completely opposite from
what you're actually saying.
Yeah, that's part of the victim mentality and victim mode,
that people, when we get into that place,
we are hearing everything through filters and blind spots.
And so we are going to, even sometimes when we have dreams,
we're going to interpret them in the most unhealthy version of the dream,
or it's going to be riddled with fear,
because that is stuff that we're struggling with.
And so, again, let's start with these first couple of things,
but I love that you're recognizing that that showed up even at work.
Really keeping short accounts, ladies,
when this stuff is coming up is going to be really important for you all,
to the best of your ability.
Sometimes we're just, you know, we're busy and I get it.
You might not be able to do it right away, but really working through,
like even if you need to keep a couple of forgiveness prayer sheets with you
so you can process that stuff quick and like kind of get it out of your spirit
and your soul, that'll be really, really good.
Thank you.
You're welcome. So we're 945 ladies. I know I have one, two, three, four, five more ladies with your
hands up. I don't know that I will get to you all. I'm going to do my best. If I don't get to you
tonight, I would love for you to come into the group and do a post. And that's, that's how I can
still coach you through what you need to share. Cause I do want you to know, we want to hear what
you have to say, but I just have to let you know, I have, I have a hard stop at 10. So I'll do my
best. Sandra, go ahead. Oh, you're muted. You're muted. Sorry. Hey, I've got a situation where
um, I had a childhood friend, uh, another girl in my class who we, we went out together. We went to
one another's houses, but for some reason in maybe fourth grade, she decided to betray me.
And I was more of a little detective cause I knew like this, there's no way that could
have been found out unless the one person I told said it. Um, so I baited her by telling her
something another time. And sure enough, within an hour, I was almost in a fight because of what I
had said, because she betrayed me. And this second time she betrayed me. It was like a,
it was like a week later or something. I just decided to test her.
This second time I walked away from her. I told her you betrayed me. That is the end of our
relationship. And I walked away from her. Um, and I have lamented that I didn't give her a chance to
explain herself, but I did not. Um, I was done at that point. Well, now I'm in a church that I've
the first time I was in that church. I run into a woman who looks so much
like this childhood friend would have looked as an adult, but she does.
She befriended me. She invited me out to lunch. We shared our hearts with one another. We had
I have no idea what happened. Um, I, I went to church. I tried to talk to her a couple of times,
um, you know, because I could feel like something is different. What what's going on here.
She wouldn't talk to me. She wouldn't talk to me. Finally, I go to church. I'm really late. I'm
something absolutely awful to me. Um, she basically says, I know you just came here to curse me,
but I love you, which is nuts. Like I walked into that church and I didn't know a soul.
How, how is it that you now think I came here only for you to curse you? It doesn't make any
sense at all. None. And I know in my heart is, is a stupid misunderstanding,
but for some reason, this is how she feels. I kept going to worship. I was angry. I decided
to forgive her, but you know, we're going to love her from a distance. God would not quit bugging me.
It's like every time I'd see her in worship, she's over here and I'm over here.
It's like, you're nudging me to say something to her to try and, and you know, the Bible says,
if you, if you come to the Lord with your gift and there, you realize you've got ought against
your brother, leave your gift, go make it right with your brother and then come back. Yep. So
I'm like, okay. So at this point, I've got a third person involved, a third person, meaning
being a pastor from the church. And it's like, okay, I'm going to let you sort it out.
My issue beyond thinking that it's ridiculous that it should have even gone this far. Yeah.
Should we, or dare I say, when we find out what this stupid misunderstanding is
and it's solved, do I really want to have relief?
with this person after this?
Well, that is hard.
No, not really.
But honestly, if I take that stance,
I'm losing another relationship for nothing.
Well, here's the thing, though.
God wants to bring healthy relationships into your life.
I see this as maybe you're being God-defended.
I mean, a lot of times, we don't love to look at it that way.
But I think that that could be very true in this situation.
Time will tell.
I don't think it's a coincidence
that you're connecting this woman with this childhood
friend either.
I would encourage you to forgive that friend
from fourth grade again, even if you've already forgiven her,
that you just take time to do a forgiveness prayer sheet,
really asking the Lord, God, should I
have completely just walked away from her?
And if not, then forgiving yourself
for making that choice.
Because to me, again, there are things
that when we do them and we partner with those lies
or things surrounding that, it can cause things in the spirit
realm to then be attracted to us in the future that are what
I will call familiar spirits.
And so it seems like there's a similarity
between this woman, and not that she betrayed you necessarily,
but she ghosted you.
And then she's taken this posture of something
that she believes there's something there that doesn't
sound like it was even there.
And so forgiving this person from fourth grade
may really lose some things in other future relationships.
But I don't think that necessarily everyone
is meant to be a close friend to us.
And when someone reveals unhealthy patterns
like this in their life, or even if it's not a pattern,
but it's where they're at, we really
have to ask ourselves, is that the kind of friend
I want to surround myself?
Remember, thriving people surround themselves
with thriving people.
And I'm not saying that that can't be just something
she works through.
Maybe she'll work through and get victory,
and then step into thriving.
And then maybe, hey, that's a good connection.
But to me, right now, it sounds like she's not
in a healthy place.
And it'll be interesting to see how she navigates
this pastor getting involved.
If she reacts and it blows up bigger,
that's going to be really telling for you.
If she becomes teachable, apologizes, tries to reconcile,
well then, OK, you can reconcile and be in that love
and connection.
But that doesn't mean you have to decide to hang out
with her all the time.
It's just, what is God telling you to do?
What is God leading you to do?
But right now, I don't think you have enough information
to make that decision, honestly.
That is true.
Yeah.
So it's good that you're thinking about it.
It's good that you're pondering it.
God tells us to ponder things in our hearts.
But let's see how this plays out with this pastor talking to her
and trying to bring some reconciliation there.
Yes, let's.
The meeting is Wednesday.
OK.
Let us know how that goes.
Will do.
All right.
Thanks for sharing.
Sarah M., go ahead.
OK.
I'm not sure how long I was muted, or unmuted.
But hopefully, I wasn't disturbing anybody.
OK.
Hi, Bethany.
Thank you.
Hi, everybody.
I have three things.
But I know, of course, there's not time for that,
because we have six minutes until 10.
But I guess one thing, well, I'll just
touch base on each of them.
And then you can just let me know which one maybe you, Phil,
led to touch base with me about.
But one is friends for a season.
Like, I have a couple of friends where
I didn't think I was only going to be friends with them
for a season.
I thought it was going to be long term.
And it became friends for a season.
And I'm not sure if maybe I did some things that caused us
to not be friends.
Or maybe it was jointly.
And we weren't doing a good job at addressing things
as they came up.
So there's that.
And I guess it's kind of painful.
But maybe they were just meant to be friends for a season.
Or maybe we're meant to reconcile.
And then I have a neighbor.
And she's super nosy.
She's not a believer.
And I just want to have healthy boundaries with her.
Like, I want to point her to God, which I feel like we're
trying to do.
trying to do. But also I just it drives me crazy, her nosiness
and just up in my business. And it's just it just drives me
crazy. And so I was kind of rude to her recently. Like I didn't
mean to be but it kind of came off that way. So um, but you
know, I want to point her to God. But I also want my privacy.
You know, when we come home, we want to decompress and I don't
I just don't want to feel like I, you know, like I have this
neighbor constantly looking out the window and you know,
and it's just it's hard and she's trying to she's trying to
get sober and that kind of thing, you know. So there's
that. And then there's this person at church who it's kind
of been an ongoing theme, which I with that, which I've touched
base with you about and it's just a very challenging
situation. We're in a small church, there was attraction, I
think I was open to, you know, something more, but I felt like
he was hiding behind things. And then when we would talk, it
didn't seem like he enjoyed talking. So I'm like, well, I
don't want him to not enjoy talking with me. And I don't
want him to feel like he has to be with, you know, pursue me if
he's not interested in me, you know, but it's just been tricky
and his brother kind of, like he invited him into, in a way, like
what we have, but at the same time, his brother is kind of
knows, like, I don't know, it's hard to explain, but it's
unhealthy, like his brother's involvement. And I haven't
actually we none of us have talked about anything. And
that's the other thing is, like, not that not that his brother's
involved, but his brother's kind of one of the co pastors. So
that's kind of a very awkward situation. But I haven't really
he and I, this guy haven't really talked like, about
anything. And I just don't even know how to because I feel like
there was going to be some trauma bonding, but I I kind of
was like, I don't want trauma bonding, I don't want to bond
with you over things like that have hurt us. So, so we just
don't talk. But there's, like, I, like, I, I kind of in my
mind, and hearing you talk tonight, Bethany was very
encouraging about some of your relationships and thoughts that
you had about them, but then they were incorrect. And not
right, you know, and then what you got hindsight about, you
know, like, Oh, yeah, like this person, like, Oh, yeah, well,
you know, we have these connections, we have it, but
it's like, we don't even talk. So it's like, I'm fooling
myself. And I have these connections with him, which I
don't and just all this unhealthiness. And I just and I
just feel like tied to him in a way. But I don't want to be tied
to him, because I want to be free to date somebody that
actually wants to date me. So which of those three would you
like to address?
I'm gonna address all three of them. Because Oh, thank you.
I'm gonna do the same reminder that I gave Eloise. You're in
hard work. So praise the Lord. Don't worry about this guy right
now. You get on your hard work. And that's going to help you
heal and actually step into healthy relationship. And if
it's not this guy, it's not this guy. But yeah, and I get it like
this might have been someone that you know, you connected
with before you ever came into hard work. I know all these
things. But I really do. Again, like, I think that the enemy
loves to lure us with these little carrots to get us
distracted and out of focus. So the first thing is that, okay,
so you don't really need to focus on this right now. And I
know, probably hard because you see him at church. But like, I
actually think it's a blessing that you're not talking right
now. Because I think that would cause way more confusion. Why
the hard work because in the hard work, remember, part of the
key is you all are as you're healing, you're coming out or
counterfeit identities, an old identity version of yourself
might have chosen him and tried to force that relationship. But
as you're healing, and again, I don't know, I don't know what
God's will is with this guy. But as you're healing, you might
start to realize like, oh, I I'm looking for a man, hopefully
you're gonna realize this. This is what we coach in the program
that's mature, he's marriage minded, and he's masculine. And
guess what people that are marriage minded, mature and
masculine, you don't got to wonder if they're interested in
you. Because you know, men who are interested, and they know
they found a good thing, you better believe they're gonna
they're gonna be like, Hey, I want to I want to go on a date
with you. I want to take you out. My husband drove four hours
the first time just to have coffee with me. Well, four and a
half hours just to have coffee with me. Okay, so you don't you
all don't need to try to force anything. That's not the kind of
relationship you're looking for. And if you got to try to figure
out what that guy's thinking, and does he even want to talk to
me? Does he even seem interested? I think you already
know your answer right now. That's not where that guy's at.
So true. On that side of things, let's just focus on
Okay, Lord, what are you doing in me?
What do you want to continue to heal in me
so that I can move forward?
Something that you said that was very interesting to me
in that regard, as you're like,
I have all these kind of fantasy thoughts.
Essentially, that's what you're saying.
And you're really connected to him.
And so part of that connection, ladies,
did you know that soul ties can actually be created
just by fantasizing about someone?
And it doesn't even have to be sexual fantasy.
Okay, I'm going to be really clear.
You can emotionally,
okay, I don't want this to sound weird,
but this is what just came to mind.
Yeah.
I'm talking a lot about movies
and some of the movies you guys are probably like,
oh my gosh, Bethany watches like crazy movies.
But I, whatever those vampire movies were called
that were really popular several years ago,
I can't think of what it's called right now.
But in one of them,
and I'm not saying this is real, you all, okay?
So do not misquote me, but this is what's come,
yes, Twilight, this is what's coming to mind.
And one of the movies,
what do they call it, imprinting?
Imprinting on someone.
And here's the thing,
even though that's this concept that they introduced,
and again, I'm not saying it's real,
but what I am saying is I think that there is a level of
when we're fantasizing about someone emotionally,
mentally, spiritually, sexually,
on any of those levels,
we start to inflate who they are in our minds.
And we basically can start to connect to them
in the spirit like we're one with them.
Like, for example,
when I first started dating my spiritual daughter's dad,
I can remember the first time
I pulled up in front of his house.
Now, mind you, you all,
I went through a marriage where my ex-husband
would not share like hardly any of his,
like what he would make.
He would give me a percentage of it
for us to pay our bills.
I put in my whole money and he gave me a percent.
And we went through a lot
of really horrible financial things.
I lost my house, I lost cars,
our utilities got turned,
like just all kinds of constant turmoil.
So I meet their dad and I pull up
and he's got this nice house.
It wasn't a big house, but it was a nice house.
From the outside.
Now, in my mind, I'm like,
oh my gosh, I finally met a guy who has a house
and he's got this nice vehicle.
And you all, I started inflating who he was.
Yeah. That's what.
Yeah, he lived in a nice house,
but he was massively in debt.
Massively in debt.
Lost his vehicle and then blamed me for losing it.
That's the real stuff that happens.
So we inflate these people
when we see something, when we hear something,
and then we start like,
oh, this is what my life could be like if I'm with them.
And this is how it could look
and this is how it could happen.
Yeah.
And so just being really aware of your thoughts
and you can absolutely sever that
by controlling your thoughts
regarding this man going forward.
Yeah.
And really, again, just focusing on
what is God doing in your life?
How is he healing you?
Where is he leading you?
And allowing God to create, if you will,
more space between you and this person.
Yeah.
So it sounds like too,
you have two situations where it's really interesting.
The brother, who's a co-pastor
has kind of gotten himself involved in this somehow.
It's really destructive.
And then you've got this neighbor that you labeled as nosy
that seems to be invading, invading, you know?
So I feel like there's a similar thing happening
in these two dynamics.
Yeah.
And so I want you to pray about,
it's not that you've done something wrong, Sarah,
necessarily, but I want you to pray
about what's the open door to that.
Okay.
So if it's that you need to set healthier boundaries
and actually verbalize, you know, to someone like,
you know, this brother, even though he's a co-pastor,
I mean, you may need to say,
hey, I really want to let you know
that I'm not comfortable with you doing
or saying whatever it is they're saying.
And so setting a healthy boundary with your neighbor,
letting them know what you're not comfortable with.
It's okay that you're trying to be a testimony.
Here's the thing.
You can tell people a lot about who God is
through your actions,
even in setting a healthy boundary in a kind way.
It's worse if we don't set that boundary,
we don't set that boundary,
and then we get upset with them.
And then, like you said, then we're rude,
or we maybe say something we don't mean.
to say. And so let's just be, ladies, let's be working on setting healthy boundaries with people
before we get to the point of, you know, that pot boiling over, if you will, in some way.
How to stop fantasizing. It can happen so automatically. Totally agree. And so the
Bible talks about taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Jesus Christ. And so
even way back years ago, Pastor Stephen Furtick preached a message called A Cod of Thought.
A Cod of Thought. And that has stuck with me since then. And so I want you to be thinking about,
even though those thoughts come automatically, sometimes very quickly, that doesn't mean we have
to keep allowing ourselves to think about that. And sometimes you're going to be thinking about
it for a few minutes and then realize like, oh, I'm thinking about that again. But even in that
you can say, okay, like that is not a thought from the Lord. Lord, help me to think on things that
are true and noble and lovely and of good report, things that are above and not beneath. Help me to,
you know, make that thought obedient to Jesus Christ, you know, which is I'm going to think
on things that are pure, noble, lovely, you know, again, of good report. And so really
aligning our thoughts with what God's word is saying and that we should do, that we should
think about maybe it's putting on worship music and maybe it's getting your Bible out and reading
it out loud. Y'all, when I would feel the enemy attacking me the most, I would typically get my
Bible and I would just start reading scripture out loud because here's the reality. Darkness cannot
remain where the light is. There's so much power in the word. When we declare the word out loud,
the enemy will try to war against us, but he cannot stay. He can't. And so you may want to try,
you know, implementing some of those types of things to help you really start to get your mind
under control, which, you know, partners with ladies, the spirit of self-control that I was
talking about earlier too, you know, where the spirit of self-control isn't just about behaving
good. It's about us allowing God's love to so infiltrate our hearts and our soul and our spirit
that out of the overflow, we can walk in self-control. All right. Super important.
Thank you, Britt. Thank you, Bethany.
You're welcome. You're welcome. All right, ladies. So I have three lovelies. I hope that you will
come into the group. I know that that can feel frustrating when you've been waiting to go as well
but I do want you to know I care about what you wanted to share about. And if you go in and post
in the group, I will check it first thing in the morning and respond to you in there. And, or you
can come and share about it next week since you didn't get to share about it tonight. So I want
you to have, you know, total permission. And if you raise your hand next week and, you know, I'll
make sure to make a note and you can go first, but would love for you to not wait that long. Come
into the group in that community tab and post in there so we can help you move forward. So Alice,
in the last year single app, when you go in the community tab, there's a button that says create
a post. If you click on that, you can type your post in there. Does everyone know where to find
that? Okay. All right. Thank you all for understanding. Again, I'm praying for you. I
know that God does too, not to exclude her. And so I'll be praying for you all as you continue to partner
with forgiveness this week, I am going to pray for us and close us out. Father, thank you so much
for your goodness. God, thank you for forgiving us. Lord, in the depths of our sin, God, I thank you
that you sent your son, Jesus, to die for us, to set us free, for us to be healed in our bodies.
So many people mentioning physical ailments that have come because of emotional trauma, physical
things. God, we're asking you to divinely heal us, that you would align us with just heaven and
heaven's perspective of our body. And I just thank you, God, that you would help us to continue to
heal from the inside out in our emotions, that you would reveal those things that are in darkness,
bring them to the light, God, so that we can have greater revelation, greater truth coming in.
I thank you, Lord, that you would help us to forgive ourselves where we need to forgive ourselves.
God, we thank you for grace and mercy that is abounding and new to us every morning. We ask
for Salem rest over every woman that's here live, as well as those that will watch the replay.
Bless our sleep. Help us to hear what your spirit is saying more and more and more in the days to
come. In Jesus' name, amen. God bless you all. Love you all. I'll see you in the group. Have a good night, everyone. Bye-bye.