good let me get us recording
okay it's i'm happy to see y'all tonight oh
hands up already yay are y'all having um i don't know who was
first but um y'all y'all great everybody had a
good day everybody's feeling excited somewhat got some good to talk about
something huh what's that
oh well look let's pray father i thank you for these ladies i thank you for
kingdom solution i thank you father god that nobody knows the heart
but you so help us go into the root cause even if we prevent one thing to
you i pray now father god that you will
reveal or you will talk to you will target to the thing that you want to
deal with on tonight and so we just thank you jesus for your
goodness for your kindness and your faithfulness
there is indeed nobody like our god and all the earth in jesus name
amen all right so i think this is what the order is
i don't know sue yep and he was is it mika
ashley who you point to me because there's a lot of people beside you
were you next you number two mika's two and then ashley's three
and then jody then nikki okay go for it sue
okay hi well i finally figured out how to raise my hand
so i came on with my hand raised um so i'm 72 and this is
not my cup of tea really um i've been divorced for
quite some time and but i've been trying and so i'm chatting with different men
but um you know some of them i guess my question is this when they
say can we chat off off the app um
uh they say drop me your phone and i'll you know i'll text you
and i i have responded because i'm cautious
i responded well can you give me yours first so that i can recognize it
and um and one guy that i've been talking with for about a week
i just thought he's down in virginia and i'm in new jersey
i said well um how about giving me your number or
or we can do a facetime you know a video and um i'm perfectly aware that it's a
date considered a date but anyway he didn't
respond for several days and then he came back and
oh you know never apologized but so i'm just asking what is the right way
to do it because i have found there's a lot of
Christian mingle and um it's like it's discouraging because
they'll talk all about their faith and then um
or hardly say anything and that they're hot and cold
anyway it's been a little discouraging yeah um that is
that that can be discouraging um because just when you think you oh
finally a normal person you know somebody with some sense and then
here they go um but no i think the way that you handle it is great
i like what you say i've never even used that language before but it is really
good language and any man um that is not
of enough awareness to understand that you're a woman
and that you're navigating a dating site and that you have to be
um safe for yourself um you know it's just like it has to be
something not clicking well with them to reject that it's kind it's honorable
and it's straightforward like you're not
i like it that's a really good language all right thanks i um
i've had several that i just you know one was a said he was a professional
logger and i said a logger in new jersey you know i said that's highly unusual
i said i'm familiar with logging out west but not in new jersey and i just
kind of finally x'ed him off but um some of them are uh another guy
who just sounded so great and we just had some very good
interaction but um then he started to jump together so this is
my next question he jumped ahead to the questions that you
have said should be reserved for once you get to know somebody
you know how has your marriage shaped you how has your divorce shaped you and
i said well i'm happy to answer those questions but
once i get to know you and he almost said well
so then he did say well if you're not willing to share
and i thought that's really strange you know he kind of came back
kind of harshly and so i didn't cut him off completely but i just told him i
said well i think you misunderstood my response
And I told him, I agree, it's important to be genuine,
but it's important to me to know whom I'm speaking with
and I am guarding my heart, I'm a bit cautious.
So he then backtracked really fast
and was over effusive and apologetic.
And so I didn't respond last night.
I just thought, you know what, let me sit on it
and just see if he's somebody I want to continue
because I'm not sure if he's real still.
Yeah.
No, I think that was really well done, Sue.
You're really good at this.
I can hear your patience and wisdom in your voice.
You know, I love the way you said,
well, let me just sit on this and think about it
because sometimes we could be like, oh, and this is no,
I am very dependent on the Lord.
But sometimes we could be like, oh, let me see,
let me pray, let me see how the Lord feels about it.
And there's a partnership that happens in dating
where you get equipped and you learn how to make decisions.
And the Lord wants us to know how to make decisions
because he wants us to be empowered.
And I'm not saying that we don't check with God
about things, but you will start to check,
trust yourself more.
I'm just using, trust yourself more
when you can sit in something and say, let me sit in this.
You'll, you know, you could ask the Lord,
like, what are your thoughts about it, Lord?
And then you come to a decision within yourself.
And that's when you start to see
that you can make good decisions.
Okay, thank you very much.
And so that's so good.
I just, yeah, I love your language
and I really like how you did that
because it takes a level of confidence within yourself.
You cannot believe that you can't make good decisions
because you really can.
Yeah.
Everybody can.
So this wasn't exactly to you, but this is what I enjoy.
Like, I'm really enjoying this.
So good.
Thank you very much.
I guess I'll keep on, but oh, brother.
I'm telling you, I know.
I just, I wish I had somebody to just put,
no, not just put with you though,
because you're beautiful.
And I'm so happy to hear from you tonight.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I could only imagine.
I wish somebody would say, hey, I've got this great guy
that I'd like you to meet.
That's more my style, so.
It is, I'm telling you.
I could see how that would be your style, my style too.
Thank you.
Appreciate it.
You're welcome.
Mika.
Hello.
You are so pretty.
Those pictures don't do you justice.
Oh, thank you.
Welcome.
So, unfortunately my dad passed away about four days ago.
After about a two year battle with cancer.
But the testimonies were actually,
three times he almost died and God intervened.
And one time he did die.
So, it was, he died.
And he's 85.
So I think, like I was mourning,
but someone else was like,
girl, you got testimonies out of that thing.
You both got testimonies.
And he knew his time was there
and he knew he'd be in the arms of Jesus.
And so, at the end of the day,
I feel like I gave a lot of my time.
So I feel like in this season,
I know this is a season for me to continue to pursue,
my marriage and contend for it.
And even then when I was doing, caring for him,
I was still figuring out ways
to just make space for that in my life.
And so, maybe three or four days before he passed,
that I got a match.
Someone reached out and they were like,
oh, we have a match for you.
I think I told you ladies about,
no, actually, no, I don't think I told you.
I didn't tell you, but they matched me.
I ended up matching.
So it was like happening.
Like I was getting to know this guy
simultaneously while I'm in the ICU.
And so, a lot of chaos, chaotic stuff was happening
because you have to respond to them right away,
like within like a certain amount of hours.
And the rule is you're not supposed to talk too much
and you're not supposed to like talk on the phone.
But we actually ended up talking on the phone
because we found out by text,
we have so much in common, it was kind of scary.
Fast forward, he's in New Jersey, he's local.
We set a date up for Thursday.
And like I said, we've been talking so much
and trying to like, and I was telling him
about this training, the training and the hard work.
And I'm like, we're sharing a lot.
And it did come out that because he wanted to meet sooner
and I didn't wanna like, at first I was like,
oh, due to family matters, I can't.
And it just didn't make sense.
I'm like, let me just be transparent with this man.
Cause you know, my emotions are kind of like
all over the place.
So I was like, actually,
cause he was trying to like guess what it was.
And he was trying to say what was happening in his life
by sharing a lot to see if I would share.
And I'm like, it's actually not family dynamics.
It's my dad passed.
And he was like, oh,
My dad passed away two, three years ago,
and I'm currently helping my sister.
I'm a secondary caregiver helping my sister
take care of our mom, who's also in hospice care.
And he's dealing with a few medical issues,
but he's determined to contend for his wife
because he believes that God has marriage for him
and a family, he is marriage-minded.
But then, the more and more we were sharing,
he was like,
he was like, I really would like to get to know you.
But he was like, I know about like the rules with dating.
Like when you're dating formally,
you're the idea is to not, you know, share too much.
You don't want to trauma bond.
So he knows what trauma bonding is.
And so I was just like,
he was like, are you okay with us just pausing?
Cause I wanted to still go for the date.
But they're saying, he's like,
are you still okay with going on a date?
I'm like, yeah, I do want to still go on a date
cause I think it would be a good distraction.
And who knows?
I mean, we do have a lot in common.
And, you know, and so he was just like,
well, what do you think about us
getting to know each other as friends
without like the dating rules
to just get to know each other better
and just being able to not put on like a facade
as two, just two real people.
And so I was like, oh, okay.
I was like, I don't mind.
I don't mind that.
I didn't know what he was saying.
Oh, so dating is a facade?
That's a whole nother separate thing.
But I was like, sure.
You know, we definitely seem to, you know,
connect really well and have a lot to talk about.
So my question is how,
cause I know Ebony,
you specifically had experience with this,
dating someone with a handicap, right?
So there's a handicap physical issue.
He's not wheelchair bound
cause you asked me about this too.
He's not wheelchair bound, but he can only,
the issue with his leg is he was actually
in a coma, all of these things were like,
it's like really scary.
Like when my dad was in a coma,
he was in a coma and they got him,
he got out, he came out of the coma after three months.
But as a result of the coma,
his foot now like has some kind of neurological damage
where he has to wear a boot for it.
He can only walk but so far, he's in pain occasionally.
He goes to Mexico every two or three weeks.
It kind of like also inhibits his life a little bit.
And so, but he, again, he's determined to still like date,
like he, with some limit,
there are some limitations though
with how far he can walk.
And cause I came out and asked, like you suggested,
I just was like, okay, what's going on with the foot?
Cause you do keep bringing up about your treatments
with the foot.
Tell me about it.
Cause I thought it was a car accident.
He's like, no, it was cause I was in a coma
and God brought me back from the dead.
But here I am again in this very similar situation.
I know we kind of draw who we are
and I just came out of this whole traumatic thing
with my dad being in a coma, being a caregiver.
My dad died.
His dad died.
His mother's sick in hospice care.
So I'm wondering, am I drawing this to me
and should I just cut it because it looks so similar
and I'm coming out of a very wounded season
or should I lean into it like he was saying
and just get to know each other
like with nothing on the table.
And if so, if I should continue to get to know him,
how do I set the boundary between him sharing
something that's just so pivotal to his life
regarding his disability and his mom being in hospice care
and him wanting me to share and connect in that way
cause he knows my dad died, just died
and his dad died three years ago.
So we have a lot in common in terms of the caregiver thing.
So that's a lot.
And I know you were dating a guy that was partially blind
or all blind or something like that.
That can become the center of the relationship
like if you're not careful,
like it can be all about like you making sure
like taking care of him and coming out of your feminine
like, you know what I mean?
Cause I spent years being in my,
that's caregiving is kind of like a masculine energy
a little bit.
So that's a lot, Ebony,
whatever you feel Holy Spirit is led to do it, go for it.
There's a lot.
I think that, no, I understand what you're asking.
I think that it is too,
it could be he feels to his advantage
to know you as a friend first so that you can accept him.
And so that could be his angle.
So it's not like he's plotting on you
but he may have found it, you know, easier
if a woman just gets to know him and not his disability.
So that just could be, he's like, okay
let's just get to know each other.
And if you get to know him as a friend,
then it's ideal that possibly
you may be more accepting of him, does that make sense?
That makes sense.
Cause he has also been saying, I'm just leery
cause I had a lot of females.
friend zone me. I tend to be more of the friend, friend guy. And I don't know if that's like
that a yellow flag for him to say that to me. No, no, no. He could be trying to give
you the option to see if you take the bait because things were prolonged. And so you
just never know what he's thinking. He's he's he has a disability. And so those could be
some of his angles. I don't believe that. Oh, he says, Oh, let's let's just just be
friends. Well. You didn't pick him to be your friend. You met him on a dating site.
This dating program. It's a matching program. You met him on a dating program. So you didn't
meet him on I need a friend program. You're not out looking for friends. So that's right.
That's the thing you run into with it. This let's just be friends and get to know each
other and then go from there. But you are going to be required to give a level of energy
to that because even in order to build a friendship, you're going to have to give. Is friendship
the first stage of getting to know a person? Yes. You're just getting to know them. But
each person is aware that you are romantically pursuing each other because of how you met.
You didn't meet on friends. So that's helpful. Yeah. And so it's always really helpful just
to put things in perspective. You don't do what is what you go down to the bare bones
of a thing and say, what are we looking at? Right. This is what we're looking at. So what
you do is you go back and tell him, like, hey, I'm not interested in being a friend
with you. We met on a dating site, but I'm still up for going out on a date with you
if there's something you would like. And you need to make just tell him, you know, this
is something that I was very communicative with my communication with my friend Tim.
He was legally blind. And one thing that I was very open about was like, OK, this is
challenging you. So can you see this? Can you see that? What are you doing right now?
Why are you walking that way? What did you hear me say? Come this way. Like, I was just
very open and he appreciated it. Like I would ask questions. He said people have never asked
me. Nobody's cared enough. He said people just let me figure it out on my own. So I'm
very communicative and open because that's that's that's love to me. That's caring.
That's kindness. I'm not going to dance around something. So you can tell him up front, say,
hey, I don't know if your disability has been a sting for your dating life before now.
But what I do want to do, if you if you have the space to say this, if you want to say
it, when I get to know you, if I feel like it's not going to work, I will tell you why
it's not going to work for me, because what you can do is feel like if I say somebody
with a disability, I'm wrong for that. It's wrong for me to reject somebody for their
disability. It's not wrong for you to reject someone for their disability, because just
like it's not for you, there is somebody out there that they will be happy. They'll be
happy. I looked up so much. I'm a researcher. I did so much research on marrying somebody
who is legally blind, dating somebody who is legally blind. I looked at it from all
aspects. I looked at what tools they had available for them. I looked at people's
journals on YouTube. They talked about what it was like being even married to a blind
person or two people blind. So like I just look at things from a lot of different angles.
I research stuff to make, you know, to get wisdom. And so I'm saying is I'm not trying
to be direct with this, but you can tell him like I want to go on a date with you. And
if it's too much for me, I'll let you know. And when you let him know, you just tell him
why. Hey, I even told Tim one time, I was like, you're going to have to use that stick
because this is embarrassing. You're running into stuff. You don't want to use your stick
because of pride. And I said, I'm telling you, I'm not walking around with a man who
got to run us into a wall. You think you're going to hold my hand and lead me into a wall?
I will be absolutely crazy. When we would get ready to cross the street, he wants to
hold my hand and take me across the street. Now, mind you, he ain't going to stop until
he's sensed. He has to hear the car. I'm seeing the car because I can see further than
him. We get to the curb and go in the world like we're walking. And I said, hey,
buddy. I say, if you want me to accept your disability, then you have my ability and I
have the ability to see. And if that's not part of what you want in a relationship, then
why are you with somebody? Because what their strength comes in for your weaknesses and
your weaknesses, you have a strength that they need. I said, my strength is that I can
see cars coming and you not about to walk me out into.
and another street.
Oh my gosh.
But he like, okay, but he wanted to be the lead.
He wanted, he was able to express it.
He said, I'm just showing up as the man.
And I said, I know, but we're gonna have to find other ways.
I can see, and that car was real close to me.
And I ain't, you know, I'm just saying like,
he's like, but I wouldn't go in front of the car.
I said, if you don't see it, you would.
So.
But, so I'm just saying like, people appreciate,
let me fix this, this computer, hold up.
Oh Lord.
Give me one second.
One of us has to be honest.
I think that sometimes we don't understand
how much people appreciate,
how respectful it is to be open and honest with someone.
That's not gonna offend them.
I think it's more hurtful to believe
somebody is thinking something about you
or blowing you off.
And they just won't respect you as a person.
That's helpful.
That's helping.
Yeah.
So you can tell him, hey,
I do want to go on a date with you
because you do want to go on a date with him.
You do want to get to know him.
And you do want to lay off
all of the personal conversation talk
because it's unnecessary right now.
And just because he wants to get to know you that way,
he's not been trained on how to date.
He may not even be trained on how you create or connect
or how you organically allow relationships to develop.
I don't know what his history is.
That's why you have to set a pace that's best for you.
And you don't consider his thoughts.
The reason why you're not gonna consider his thoughts
is because he don't know what he's talking about
and you do.
Right.
He hasn't done any coaching or anything.
Yeah.
And so you have to recognize what people are
and just say, okay.
And you don't have to tell him,
hey, you don't know what you're talking about.
I know what I'm talking.
You just say, hey,
I know you enjoy talking about things like this,
but this is not what I want to talk about right now.
I want us to keep it lighthearted.
You don't even have to say because the problem might end.
Your authority is enough for your life, Mika.
Your boundaries is enough for your life.
Once you got your system, it's yours.
You ain't got to attribute it to nobody.
What do I say when he says
he wants to be able to be there for me as a friend?
But he's not your friend.
He's not your friend.
You're not my friend.
You remind him, say, I hear your heart,
but we haven't made it there yet.
I hear your heart.
Man, you have a good heart.
There were more people like you,
where would we be in the world?
Right?
That's good.
I'm glad I got that.
No, but I think you got to remember
that this man has a disability.
He is still a man.
And a lot of times people discount you because of,
I don't even like to call it disability.
I like to say that you have something different going on.
Because this is the truth.
Everybody has a disability,
whether it's on the outside or inside.
There's something in you
that somebody needs to take extra care of.
There's something in you
that somebody's going to have to cover you
and help you and grow you.
Like, that's a thing.
Whenever you get married,
your husband's going to cultivate something in you.
You're going to cultivate something.
And there may be a thing that's a thorn in your side
for a lot of years that he keeps covering you in.
So everybody has something within them
that needs the assistance of somebody else.
But this man has a disability with his body
and that affects him because he's a man
and men are supposed to be strong
and they're supposed to be able to do things
and do things for the woman.
And so he wants to show you that he can show up.
I can be the man.
This is not stopping me from being a man.
And so you got to filter a lot of his comments through that.
And it could be just that he just showing you that,
hey, I'm a man.
I'm a man.
I can support you.
I can be there for you.
Don't, just because of this leg,
just because of my medical condition,
those things don't matter.
They don't make me who I am.
And so we have to consider that.
That's super helpful.
Thank you.
Oh yeah, you're welcome.
Oh, Mika gone.
Okay, Ashley.
Oh no, I'm still here.
I'm still here.
You can give some more.
I'll keep it going.
The screen disappeared.
I was like, Demetrius, hang up that coin.
Oh no, I just muted my, I put, I'm just muted my screen.
So did we cover everything?
Yeah, that was perfect.
You hit like the nail on the head.
Y'all not gonna trauma boom over your dad.
And then you do have to tell him
when you hang out with him.
Like if you decide that you don't want to go further,
disabilities are a lot of responsibility,
but you don't have to have that responsibility right now,
but you're definitely not ready to go back
into something of such magnitude.
And you don't have to worry about that right now
cause you're not there.
Right.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Ashley, how's it going girl?
It's going.
Yeah.
So, I don't know, um, there was, so there's, there's like four guys that are like in my
chat thread.
Um, two of them I feel like have like, kind of like fizzled out, like they're not really
talking.
It's not a big, like, whatever.
Like one of them hasn't responded at all.
Um, we like matched and then he didn't reply and I was like, um, you'd like, you should
have a conversation.
And I was like, well, I'll at least say something because we, you know, I've heard the conversation
like, you know, sometimes you got to help them along.
So I like, he hasn't replied, I'm like, whatever, that's fine.
And then the other one, our conversation has been real, I don't even know if you call it
a conversation.
It's been over multiple days and it's not really, so, um, and then the two I've talked
to quite a bit, um, one is, uh, I wish I knew his last name so I could stalk him.
He says he's a marriage and family therapist, which I could actually see because he, he'd
said in his profile, like he's really good at like asking questions and keeping a conversation
going.
And I definitely was, was noticing that.
And I, you know, won't give like two word sentences, you know, two word replies.
So I just had been responding.
But then, um, then I was noticing, I was like, I don't feel like, like, he's not really responding.
Like, like ask, I'm like, what was it, you know, what'd you like, you know, we mentioned
something about, um, it was something about a music amusement park that he used to go
to, like, you know, I asked like, did you go as a kid, like, what was your favorite
ride?
And I got like a two sentence reply.
I'm like, there's no story, no, it was so much fun.
Like no other details.
Right.
And like, I've noticed that a couple of other times, like not really, like I feel like not
really giving an answer.
And I'm like, dude, we're not like this, not a therapy session.
Like you're supposed to like have a whole conversation as well.
Like you like, so just feel like there wasn't as much.
So I, I backed off on like how I was responding a little bit and he immediately noticed, I
was like, are you good?
Is everything okay?
That had technically been about my kids.
So I was like, yeah, I just wasn't gonna share anything else about my kids.
And not that it was any big deal, just like, he kind of asked about weekend plans last
weekend.
I was like, hey, my kids are home.
So like, no, we're just doing, doing stuff.
And then at some point he'd said that he has his daughter next weekend.
And so I, I said, like, around that time, I'd said something about like, like, it sounds
like since my kids are home this weekend and your daughter's sounds like your daughter's
home next weekend.
Like, it's going to be like quite a while before like, we could like see each other
in person.
I said, but I'd be willing to figure out a video chat and he hasn't responded.
He didn't, he didn't really say anything to that.
So he hasn't asked about having a video chat.
So and I'm not trying to like, drop, drop more questions and like ask more lately.
So I'm like, oh, you know, he'll respond again or not or ask another question.
And the other one, I think just doesn't really know how to like, ask a question.
I'm just been kind of like waiting the last couple of days, like, are you going to respond
again?
Or you asked me something?
I'll probably text him again.
We've been having a really nice conversation and it was real lighthearted.
Oh, yeah, the first guy, the therapist, he'd asked about work on Monday, and it was not
a good day.
And I was like, yeah, work wasn't great.
Let's talk about something.
I was like, how about a fun like, I was like, this and I said, I don't want to talk about
it.
Because I know that therapist part was gonna come out like, oh, why?
And I'm like, yeah, I'm not gonna talk about it.
I don't need to be talking about why I had a bad day at work.
Like I was not going to do that.
And so I said, Oh, tell me like, give me a fun, lighthearted story.
And he didn't give me any sort of story just was like, I'm thinking about getting a dog.
It's like, it's not a story.
But the other guy, like, we've had we've had funny conversations, we've had some, I don't
know if deeper is the right word.
He's a technically a Seventh Day Advantage Adventist.
I don't really know a whole lot about that.
And, and now I just kind of like got to like, move off of that on something else again,
but we'll find something.
I think he was a PK kid, too.
So pastors kids.
So I was thinking about being like, so what was it like being a pastor's kid?
Like, how's that go?
Especially because at some point in our conversation, he'd said something about like, he's done
a lot of
like searching and you know just all the things we do when we're you know raised in a religion you
got to figure it out yourself and where you are and what you believe and he said he doesn't
necessarily agree with everything but he still goes and he's really involved with his family
there's been a number of times he's like yeah hanging out with my family tonight yeah hanging
out with my family tonight so um and then i actually mentioned you on my post tonight before
it caught on um i i hopped on the app and like looked to see um just looked to see what was
happening on there and i'm just on the free one so they will randomly like say like oh you have
a reveal get your free reveal and somebody sent you a note and i opened it and i was like oh
that's interesting because i saw him a few days ago and i'd swiped no and then he'd responded and
and i thought about if i was gonna swipe no or not and i was like whatever and um and so then
i was like i didn't do anything i just left it and was then um was driving and i was you know
just thinking about it and i was i could hear you in my head ebony like why did you why did you
swipe no what were you thinking there and i was like oh i was making assumptions that's why i
yeah i could swipe it's easy to swipe no like i don't really like that smile no
what's that background oh god no yeah yeah so i was like okay we'll just swipe yes and we'll
just see and i'll let him respond so that's kind of where that is um it's weird though i feel like
so i have um on the app like i've liked people right i've swiped for this one it's up um
but i don't know if like if it's because it's the the free version i'm like does nobody's seeing
them like there's no been there's no better replies to like when i've liked someone i'm like
are they not sending my obviously they're sending my profile out to somebody because
some people are responding i just think that's a little weird i don't know if that's normal
um i think if you're not paid you don't get the same level of attention maybe i don't know
yeah it does kind of mention that but i'm like really that much like you're not gonna send it
to any me to anybody that i've you know liked yeah i i think they probably won't
i don't know i don't know either i just wasn't sure since you know it's first time i've been on
what's the name of it i'm on the arc one which is on the affiliate page on the resource page
yeah but you know arc don't arc is not they don't have a lot either depending on the state
that you're in so they're just getting started and they're from they're out of canada is that
right does anybody remember i don't know yeah so they just moved into the states so they don't
have a lot a lot of things yeah i explained some of what i feel like i've seen okay
that's interesting so i don't know if i'll do a different one at this point
yet or not but i'm just i'm just okay with where it is right now
so that's a good update yeah good for you thanks i did uh no not right now
not right now i'll come out in a minute it's my turn to talk
no you are it's my turn to talk you are
sorry no you're okay um then oh there was i'm just been kind of all over i've just been all
over the place a lot with emotions so annoying well i think those women are like that um
sue said that there's a difference in your countenance when you first started
you're much happier i agree with her thanks sue thanks yeah i'm enjoying seeing this on you it
is such a pleasure and a delight thanks um so it was uh there was i don't remember what day it was
um monday monday i will listen to things at work and i didn't mind it posting this because i don't
know monday was a day and um i listened to bethel's morning service yeah and um pastor bill was
talking about promises and inheritances and i was like no way that's so wild and then i need to
I listened to it twice while I was at work, and then I was like, well, let me go listen
to this other person.
I haven't listened to her for a while.
I'll see if she has anything new.
She didn't, but the one that I clicked on was about blooming and growing, which is a
word that was spoken over me a few months ago that people were going to be saying it's
winter and you're blooming, and I was like, that's so ... For being a rough day, God was
so good and faithful to just give me reminders that things are happening.
That's true.
Then we just said that you look so good, so the word is true.
Some just say you look so much happier.
That's blooming and growing.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Then I just have job stuff going on.
I think it might be time to move, and I was kind of struggling because Jackie was talking,
you mentioned on Sunday, if you feel like you never want to be there and it's hard to
get up and you live for the weekends, and I was like, it's not that drastic, but then
last night or in the middle of the night, I woke up and I don't know even if the dream
had anything to do with it, but I woke up and I was like, I'm going to be fired today.
I don't know.
I didn't have this major panic.
I was just kind of like, huh, and just like, what would that look like?
Like, huh, that's just interesting.
Like, I don't know why I'd think that.
I went back to sleep, and then when I got up, I just was like, this would just be great.
Like I had so much freedom from it.
The thought of being fired didn't make me terrified.
I was like, oh, what's God going to do?
This is exciting.
I was like, I guess that means it's time to move on.
No, sometimes, no, no, no, no.
I don't know.
I can't speak to you about your job, but no, let me tell you something.
Thoughts come, they're like channels, and the enemy will give you a thought.
It's up to you to own it, and so sometimes he'll give us a thought to introduce something
to us.
If we accept those thoughts, we'll begin to behave that way, and then what'll happen is
we'll say, oh, I had a thought, God made this happen, but actually you accepted the thought
and you started operating that way.
Just like if you accept a thought, just something as basic as dating, oh, he probably could
be the one.
Your behavior is going to change because you entertained this thought, and so I don't want
to speak to you about it.
I do want to tell you that about thoughts, like the enemy will give you a thought.
It's up to you to accept it or reject it.
Even the Lord gives us thoughts.
It's up to us to accept it or reject it, so I just want you to know that and be mindful
of the enemy's craftiness.
That's when you stay on your job one way or the other.
I just say it.
That's a reason to hold on to.
Yes, yeah.
I thought that I would be there for five years when I came on, and it's been about four,
so it's been kind of on my mind for a while on if it was time.
I haven't just really leaned into it too much, so I've just been leaning into that
more this week.
Try this.
This is something that I confess over my life, and I say it all the time.
Holy Spirit, you always tell me what I need to know when I need to know it.
Holy Spirit, you always tell me what I need to know when I need to know it, and that is
the job and the role of the Holy Spirit, our comforter and our teacher, and Holy Spirit
will tell you what you need to know when you need to know it, and so then that helps you
not to listen to fear and, well, I think this, or try to piece things together, because you
don't have to because the Holy Spirit is going to always tell you what you need to know when
you need to know it.
Yeah.
He did tell me this week to just not be trying to figure anything out, so I'm not really
trying to figure it out, just to praise him and worship him and just lean in the worship
just to be my sacrifice this week and my, just to really do that with him and not trying
to figure anything else out, not try and make any big decisions or do anything, just that.
That's good.
Okay, great.
Did you have a question?
I didn't really have a question.
Okay.
I thought I wanted to have a question, but I was like, no, I at least need to do an update,
so it's always good because sometimes you'll hear things that I don't realize that I'm
saying.
Yeah.
Okay, good.
Well, thank you for sharing.
Thank you.
Jodi.
Hello.
Hey.
I don't really have a question, I don't think, more of just a comment and update.
I don't know. I don't like this. I don't like this. I don't like this dating stuff. I mean,
it's been really hard for me to date for discovery.
Gail is like, me too. I'm like, we don't like it. We don't like it. We don't like it.
I think everybody could scream. We don't like it. We don't like it.
We don't like it. So I've been on, let's see, four dates, four different men. And I mean,
they were all decent guys, but no second date. I just, I can't help but feel like I don't get
really excited about the date. And I can't help but feel like, gosh, this is kind of a waste of
even though I understand like the idea behind dating for discovery, because I mean, I guess
I wouldn't have prior to being in this group, but I don't like it. I don't like it. So,
and it's hard to find men that seem to be pursuing, loving the Lord.
And so it kind of feels like a waste to go out with anyone that,
other than that, you know? Yeah. So that's where I'm at. I'm a little discouraged.
No. Yeah. No, we hear your heart. No, we totally understand. I can confidently say we totally
understand. All the heads are nodding. And if they have a picture of their head is nodding,
you just can't see it. Yeah. Yeah. It can be challenging. It is definitely a faith walk.
And I think a lot of times we forget about that part because we're putting in the work. And so
when you start putting in the work, it's kind of hard, or sometimes it slips your mind that you're
in partnership. And it's that part that Jackie always says, surrender an opinion. And now I
speak for me and lots of other women. We surrender and we pick it back up. We surrender and we pick
it back up. And the reason why it's a balancing act is because you're coming to faith Fridays.
You're coming to Saturdays. You're coming to prayer every morning. You're in a community.
This was a community it's charged with. And so even when you want to just take a break,
you'll keep going because something in your mind may say, well, don't stop. You don't want to
but it's not true, but you have this balancing act going on and you're going to have to learn
how to balance it really well. And that's just the truth of the matter without getting discouraged.
And when you get discouraged, don't be discouraged that you're discouraged because you have to put
it in perspective that you're learning how to balance a journey that you've never been on
before. And you're in a program that says, if you do it this way, it's going to produce that.
But you also have to take into consideration that you're in a program that is teaching you
through dating, how to discover yourself and set healthy boundaries and expand your capacity.
And you are partnering with a God in heaven who has an agenda for your life.
And his agenda and main goal is not to get you married. Believe it or not, his main goal
is not for you to be married. His main goal, he counts it done.
So he's like, what else can I work in this season while she keeps coming to me?
This is no slack on your walk with God. So don't hear what I'm not saying.
But what can I do? Because she keeps coming to me every day about this. I got her. I get Jolie.
She comes to me for prayer. This thing she wants keeps her near me.
What else can I do while I'm keeping Jolie near me? And how can I develop her while she's praying
more than she's ever prayed before? How can I help Jolie grow while she's contending more than
she's ever contended before for this thing? And so I believe that God allows the circumstances
that we're in to help stretch us. If you've ever had chronic pain before,
you know that when you walk with God and you have chronic pain, it's like no other walk.
There's nothing compared to walking with him when you're in chronic pain and when you're not in
pain. Same thing is when the sun is shining, you don't pray the way you pray when it's storming
or when somebody's dying or when you need to look like there's these things. And so the
Father God maximizes on these areas. But what happens is when we are blinded and our focus
is on this one thing, we miss out on everything he wants.
wants to do and he is doing and he wants to develop and he's so strategic he knows that
when you come into this land called marriage yeah that you're gonna need him more than you
think you need him now because marriage is more to make you whole than it is to make you happy
that is the truth it's hard for people you i don't know have you been married before yes so you know
you know what the warfare and what is it gonna look like on the other side and so if you've
never been married before it's so hard to see you i'm telling you yeah i've been a single woman
before and there is some level of blindness that you can't yeah it's like have y'all been y'all
those of you who are parents and people be talking about when they get their kids i'm gonna whoop my
baby my baby act like that i bet you my child won't do that and they want to see how to raise
your kids and you'll be saying just wait till you get some you'll see because nothing shows you
a parent's heart until you're actually a parent like you gotta actually be in it to feel what
your heart feels like when you would do anything and turn the world upside down for your own child
and i can't act like i know because i ain't got no keys it's like i hear you but you ain't gonna
know till you know well marriage is the same way you ain't gonna know till you know but you can't
yourself so that you can be more ready because the people who are preparing you telling you like
you don't know what you think you know you don't know let me help you and the lord is doing the
same thing in this season so i'm not trying to be long-winded but it is a balancing act and you
know um the bible says that when we have suffered a little while that the god of all grace he will
come and perfect us establish us and settle us that's what the bible says so he did not exclude
the fact that you're gonna suffer a little while and suffering doesn't have to look painful but
suffering long-bearing coming through a process um that is going to do more for you than get you
papers get you married or get you in um you know marriage and i'm not downplaying that we're all
but i'm just telling you it's a bigger picture at play and so it's tough jodi if i all i said
you know i've been boiling back down it can be really tough and it can be really brutal
and it can be hope deferred make it the heart but promises fulfilled are a tree of life there's a
reason to benefit because the heart literally does become sick sometimes and it's like i'm doing
the thing that i'm supposed to do where are you lord
yeah and it's hard it's um it's hard to be on the apps too because it seems like such a huge
distraction and it is a lot of energy and it is a lot of it feels like a lot of time and and so
sometimes um yeah i it it takes away from things that i feel like you know me and i should be
putting my energy a little bit more this way or that way you know and so it is that is has been a
hard thing to balance too for me i think that in that case because um it can become destructive
just like social media like um there are times you're asking you could just scroll just to scroll
yeah you're just scrolling right okay so those are the times when you say you have to have a balance
in everything that you do yeah and so you can always set a schedule being on apps and then
you can take frequent breaks i am telling you you ain't gonna miss no man yeah you're not gonna miss
your husband take these breaks come off of these apps you don't have to work it like a job because
it's not your job there's only one person in this partnership that has a job to find your spouse and
that's the lord and then you have the responsibility of partnering with him hearing him groaning him
what's most important in your life during this season is hearing him through prayer what's most
important in your life is going to the father saying how are you wanting to develop me right
now yeah where's your hand at in my life what is your finger on what are you expanding in me in
this season of my life right because you seek first the kingdom of heaven and his righteousness
and all these things should be added unto you this thing seek first the kingdom of heaven is
your dominion mandate what you were designed to your mandate in the earth as a spiritual being
and that all these things are added unto you what is all these things in marriage and this
now i'm not teaching this to you in the way church talks and said just sit on the sideline
i wouldn't be at this program if it was the case so you have this strategic plan that you're working
in this area but you're also sitting because if if something else in your life is expanding and
growing you don't have a lot of disappointments about marriage i'm i know this for myself
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, if you have other things
and you're watching God grow you and expand you
and teach you, you become so fascinated
with what he's doing.
And you're like, man, God, do it.
It's like, this is amazing.
And then you're still contending for marriage
and you're still believing him,
but you're in it for the whole process.
God is just not your vehicle to marriage.
And you're gonna have more disappointment
when you decide God is gonna be your vehicle to marriage
and you have no intentions of partnering with him
for the overall fullness of your life.
Then you're gonna be very sad.
And if you do feel like that,
then you just need to release it
and come into another type of agreement.
Because that's the thing,
you can go through that phase
where God is just the vehicle to get you this man.
But I'm telling you, it don't work like that with him.
Right.
It's just, he's saying, you won't partner with me?
Oh, okay, we go by my way.
I don't care what your way is.
You said you won't partner with me.
This how I do it.
Yeah, I'd rather do it that way.
So I get it.
So be encouraged, Jodi.
You're not alone in it.
Ask the Lord, where's your hand?
What are you developing?
What are you doing in this season of my life?
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know that he's doing a lot
and I do feel exhausted
and there has been a lot of warfare.
And so, yeah.
I think that the apps and the dating
is something that I can let go a little bit right now
because, yeah.
Not completely, but just.
I know what you're saying.
Right.
You can just let it like one thing
and I always do it and I'm just sharing this
because it's really good wisdom.
I make exchanges with the Lord all the time.
Literally, I say, I lay marriage at the altar.
What do you have for me?
I'm laying this thing down on the altar.
When I start dating somebody,
I just say, I lay it at the altar.
You wanna burn it up, burn it up.
Yeah.
Let it crumble, let it fall.
And I make constant,
I am always making exchanges at the altar of the Lord.
And I'm laying it down, I'm laying it down
because it can be trusted at the altar of the Lord.
Yeah.
It's at the altar of the Lord.
Look what Abraham did.
The Lord told him, sacrifice his only son.
This was just on any son.
This was the promised son that was supposed to birth nation.
He went to give his son up at the altar
and the Lord took care of it.
The altar is not a scary place.
It's the best place to lay anything down
because it's safe with the Lord.
There's a scripture that says,
Jesus said, if you hold on to your life,
you're gonna lose it.
But if you give it to me, you'll gain.
It's something about exchanges.
We have to release something and stop holding so tight
because we believe the more tightly we hold
that we can make it happen.
And you can't, if you can make it happen,
you've been married by now, trust me.
You will not get a job with no husband
if you can go out there and get you one on your own.
If you thought he would be a man of substance and quality,
if you had him lined up at your door,
you would not be sitting on this Zoom.
So you needed to partner with somebody
who had a greater working than you in the earth
that could bring you something
you were never able to bring yourself.
And you, or you've been married and you know,
if God, you know what the troubled water that's before you.
You don't need somebody bigger than you
to know somebody's heart.
Because you just don't have the ability
to know a person's heart in the way that the father does.
You don't know that five years from now,
10 years from now, 20 years from now,
you just know who they are looking at you
across that dinner table,
telling you all their dreams and hopes
and what they wanna do and what they have done.
And so I just, you know, just wanna share that.
So.
Yeah, thank you.
That's a good word.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
More practice this week.
It's all good.
It's wonderful, greater glory.
That's right.
And I received that.
So thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh, Nikki, tell me Nikki, what's going on?
I've been thinking about you.
I've been praying for you.
Well, thank you, Ebony.
First, thanks for sharing what you just shared with Jodi.
That was very timely for me as well.
I don't have a whole lot to say, thank God,
Because I took so much time last week.
Don't you worry about that, Nikki.
Thank you.
My last day at that school where the deputy is was Wednesday.
And he avoided me the whole day.
And he didn't say goodbye even.
And I was really disappointed.
And because it was an organic connection that I feel like
would have gone somewhere if there wasn't an age difference.
And because I don't like the dating apps either.
I'll do it because I want to grow.
But it's like, in a way, it's made
me want to push off the dating apps longer.
Because I'm going to compare.
There's nothing like a connection
that happens in person the way that that did.
And I thought that he would say goodbye, at least.
Because he's not a rude person.
Like, that's not what I would have expected from him.
And I didn't do anything embarrassing.
I didn't feel like I deserved that.
But at the same time, I'm not saying
he owes me anything either.
But it was just disappointing.
But I'm off of that roller coaster now.
Seven weeks of uncertainty.
And now I'm out of it.
So that's good.
Yeah.
Let me just add right here, in case you add something that's
like, I don't get a chance to see it.
I believe it's a bit unfair to assign to yourself
that he possibly mistreated you by not saying goodbye
and saying, I didn't do anything to deserve that.
Because this is putting you in a victim state
when it could have been.
I'm just telling you what it could have been in ways
I would like for you to process things.
It could have been it was hard for him to say bye to you.
It could have been he really wanted
to ask you for your number.
But he thought you was going to reject him.
Yeah, I have thought of that.
I have.
I don't want you to quickly assign
that it was something wrong with you
and that you didn't deserve it and that he didn't even
say bye to you, how he could treat you like that.
It just gives you this victim status that you're not.
And I don't know why he didn't do it.
Maybe he didn't have the courage to do it.
Maybe all day he was rehearsing in his head
what he was going to say to you when he saw you to see
if he could get your number.
Maybe those are real things.
And so I just want you to know that, Nikki,
because if you process it the other way,
it doesn't serve you best.
And the enemy is going to use it to just nibble at you.
You're not going to hear the thoughts, but they're there.
Yeah, it's like a rejection narrative.
Yeah.
And at the same time, I've felt like I have grown
in a lot of ways.
I feel like I handled it well, all of it.
And actually, after the call last Tuesday,
or yeah, last Tuesday, I had a, OK, so prior to the call,
I was so just worried about being rejected.
And so I was thinking, ever since I
knew I was leaving the job, which was about mid-October,
I thought, I'm going to be the one to say goodbye.
I'm going to initiate it.
I know what I'm going to say.
It's going to be short and sweet.
And then I'm going to leave first
so that I have no chance of standing there waiting to see
if he's going to get my number and then feel bad.
But then up until the call, I was literally rehearsing.
I'm going to say, I wish you the best, blah, blah, blah,
and then walk away really fast.
I'll be the first one to exit.
But after the call, I just had this total change,
peace about, I felt like God was saying, no, you're not
supposed to be the one to do any of it.
Let him initiate it.
He can lead the tone.
You don't need to rehearse it.
And let him walk away first.
And I felt like God was saying, you'll be fine.
If he walks away first, you'll be fine.
Just let it happen the way it's going to happen.
Don't control it.
And so all day, I'm wondering when I'm going to see him.
It's so noticeable.
He doesn't even go on the campus that I'm on at the time
I'm on that part of the campus.
And then it's the very end of the day.
and I'm like thinking he's gonna say goodbye because this is the other thing.
On Monday I did see him and he stopped me in the parking lot and he said
Wednesday right and I said my last day and he said yes your last day he said
see I remember I remembered and he said he said it's gonna be such a sad day he
was smiling he's like it's gonna be such a sad day such a sad day he said it
and I said you're really bad at lying because he had made a joke a couple
weeks ago when he first found out I was leaving he said he'll be so happy when
I'm gone he likes to joke a lot of when he I I guess to cover his emotions I
don't know but so I said you said it was gonna be happy what is which one is it
and he said that'll be for you to decide and then I said are you gonna be there
Wednesday and he's like yeah as long as I'm not getting fired between now and
and I said oh what did you do wrong and he was like nothing that I know of and
then he said I'll see you Wednesday we'll have a goodbye and then so I'm
thinking like he really will say goodbye I was really thinking that and so I'm
just waiting at the end of the day because I felt like God told me you're
not supposed to initiate it and I I'm showing someone something on my
computer I'm standing at the doorway of the back office and she's standing in
the doorway I'm standing like next to her and he comes walking by so fast he
looks at me really briefly and um just kind of tosses up his hand and keeps
walking and I'm just like what I was like I told God I was like did I not
hear you correctly because you told me I thought you told me I'm not supposed to
initiate it but I'll get my goodbye at least he'll say goodbye but I'm like so
first thought was did I mishear God and then my second thought was oh wow like
I'm really easy to dismiss and then my I don't know I had like a third thought
that probably wasn't the truth either because I don't think I misheard God I
really do think I wasn't supposed to control it and if he was going to do
that like that's just the outcome it was going to be and um because I can't
piece like that I got after the phone call or from last Tuesday it was a
combination of some stuff you had said and then just I don't know it was like
it was a few things like anxious attachment needs to be like you were
saying how that needs to be like oh it wasn't you weren't being anxiously
attached no I hear I'm listening to you I'm sorry if I make you feel like I
don't understand no no no no it was like I couldn't even put words in like I
couldn't like pinpoint exactly what you said but as soon as the call was over or
as soon as I was done sharing and you were done sharing I was like there's a
piece I was just like oh I am not supposed to initiate it I just felt so
sure I texted my mom I don't I said I'm not supposed to initiate this
yeah I had literally for two weeks planned I'm gonna be the one to control
this and um but I remember you mentioning something about anxious
attachment and then also like how I can make good decisions and um there was a
few things but I just knew like I'm not supposed to initiate it and then that's
what happened well yeah you Nikki I'm telling you things work in so many ways
I don't know what can happen in the days to come but you know his plan might
have been to talk to you and give you his number and if there's something that
didn't want to go anywhere he gave you the best goodbye he could have given you
I don't know what this guy's intentions were I don't you know you never you just never know
and you just never know why the lord told you to let him initiate it because if you had initiated
it could have gone another way the way that so whatever you feel like the lord told you
it gave you peace enough to keep your mouth closed
right and so you were silent enough to let it play out
you know and if it's not meant to go into this next season with you then it doesn't need to go
because it's only now then of course that would be a waste of time maybe some hard lessons
that don't need to be learned yeah right yeah absolutely and so I think that I don't doubt that
you heard the lord tell you that um and um he said goodbye the way he said goodbye but it didn't
wouldn't be what you would have given to him and it is a big difference from what he said to you
on one day and then showed up like that two days later yeah
Yeah, that's interesting.
Yeah, it was.
Yeah, I've definitely thought about it a lot.
I'm sure. Nikki, what's the age difference?
Someone asked in the chat.
Twelve.
Twelve years. He's 12 years younger.
Almost 13. He's 13 years younger almost
because I'm about to be 38 next month and he's 25.
And see, he's young. That's a young boy.
Yeah, and that makes me feel like I'm like, I don't know.
Yo, Nikki, you a cougar.
No, I just I feel like so weird that I would even track with him.
But first of all, he could he could pass for 30.
And Nikki, you just put him younger.
You fine. Don't you worry about that.
That man know what he saw and he liked it.
Don't you be trying to come up with no answers for no stuff like that.
And I just don't want anyone to think like I'm going for like the young guys on purpose.
Like it's the conversation we had that I'm just like, oh, my gosh.
Like, I feel like I'm talking to.
I feel like we're both 31 or something.
Like we met halfway because he's so mature in a lot of ways.
I mean, it wasn't mature for him to like walk past me and toss his hand up.
But but other than that, he's really got this maturity.
So I just thought like maybe it would work out.
I don't know. And you don't have to Christian.
He's a Christian. That's the biggest thing.
But you don't have to defend it, Nikki.
We are nobody. I'm not thinking it.
I'm not thinking I'm not thinking anything.
You have already explained to me that you met this really young guy at work.
You were hesitant to get to know him.
When you got to know him, he turned out to be a great guy as far as you could tell.
It's I just I think it's cute.
I think you're adorable.
And so I just he's twenty five.
Some a lot of men like older women.
It's just it's just what it was.
It was a good experience for you.
I do believe I enjoyed the experience you had.
I mean, this is the other thing that made it difficult.
The last seven weeks is one of the one of the days the principal of the middle school asked me.
I don't know if she knew my age, but she said, do you have any children?
She she started off the conversation, asked me that and I told her no.
And then we talked about that a little bit.
I said that she says I'm like, oh, you've got time or something.
And I said, well, I don't know how much time I have.
And I I did share my age at that point, but I don't know if she knew already.
But she said, are you waiting for the right guy, the right man?
And I said, yes, I am.
And then she said, would you ever date younger?
And I said, oh, it depends on the man.
And I said I would want him to be mature.
And she's like making sure.
And she's like, he is like she's making a mental checklist.
And then she said and then I said, Godly, I'd want to be godly.
I remember all the qualities I listed.
But she's like, OK, she's like, because I've been telling our school resource deputy that he needs to find a good woman.
Just like the world.
I did not expect this at all from her.
And so I told him that he liked you.
I think that some people had seen us talking really late one day.
And maybe that got back to her.
But I told her that I thought he lost interest after he learned my age.
And but I did say I wouldn't normally date a 25 year old, but he's mature and godly.
And so I would consider him.
But I don't think she ever told him.
I don't know if she did, then I would feel even worse.
But I don't think she did just because he didn't change necessarily how he interacted with me.
So I don't remember why I brought that up.
But anyway, it was just another thing that made me anxious because I wasn't looking to put that out there.
I was like, just introduced to me without warning.
No, I understand what you're saying.
Well, I'm glad you have peace.
And I'm excited for you.
And I think that was a really good experience to meet someone to talk with them to be excited
the next day to go to work to see them when they come around.
I just think it's fun all together.
And I think that it is worth holding near to your heart and extracting what's good.
You know, I used to hear growing up the pastors used to always say,
take the meat and spit out the bone.
Take the meat, spit.
out the bones because you're going to meet somebody else.
And meeting him, I heard you say,
kind of ruined it for what it would be
like to meet somebody online.
But I disagree with that.
I think that's a perspective.
But I think it could also be a building block or standard.
And so now you've had a really great experience,
and so you have something to compare it to.
So you started off on a really good note,
meaning the next one doesn't have to be that,
but you have a standard for what you expect.
Yeah.
And so, yeah.
And in dating, I've learned as we trade up,
we really do go up, meaning we keep getting
better and better and better.
And just how it works.
The quicker you say no to something
that doesn't serve you best, it makes space for those things
that will serve you best to come into your life.
And so I'm excited for you.
Thank you.
Yeah, I still probably won't go on the dating app until January.
Yeah.
But I will go.
It's not that I will avoid it forever.
Well, I understand.
You go on there, you're probably going to get a lot of hits,
though, because you're really pretty.
But all of us are really pretty ladies.
Don't, if you're struggling and I say that and it triggers,
you tell me so we can deal with that root issue there.
I've liked guys on the apps, though, too,
and they won't like me back.
So it does happen to all of us.
Yeah.
If anyone else experiences that.
Yeah.
It's OK, Nikki, when you go on the dating apps.
I do want you to be putting yourself out there.
Yeah.
Oh, that's nice, Laurie, that you work on the Coach 101.
You know, be out and about and getting to meet people.
That's totally up to you.
I don't have a pressure point for anything like that.
It's up to you.
I don't feel if you go on in January, you go on in January.
If you go in February, you go on in February.
I just don't have a thought for that.
Yeah, I was thinking January because I
could get through the holidays without the stress.
But I was, after this whole experience with the deputy,
I was like, OK, maybe March.
But you're.
Yeah, me, Nikki.
You act like you went through a breakup or something.
What you guys, what you doing?
You can't use it for an excuse not to put yourself out there.
I think it probably is an excuse because you're right.
Instead of it ruining it, it's something
to measure the next connection by.
You don't measure the next connection by.
That's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is there is a level of a standard
that is within you.
But you can't measure the next experience
by an experience you had with somebody else.
And that was a very partial experience.
Right, it was your initial connection.
That's all you really know about this guy.
You don't know anything about his life.
Don't measure.
The next person you're going to get to know more.
You're going to go out on a date with them.
So I'm saying within you, you've had a really good experience.
And so now when somebody offers you a lower experience,
you know what a really good experience is like.
OK, yeah.
But you're not measuring them because they
get to come as who they are.
Because measuring means, well, he was like this
and you're not like that.
I don't want that.
He is a really tough act to follow.
That young man is not a tough act to follow, Nikki,
because you didn't know him.
You were just getting to know him at work.
He could be living with a woman.
If I just had to give you scenarios,
like you didn't even talk to him on the phone,
like there's so many things.
Like he could be a lot of things.
He could really be.
He could be at church at Bible study right now.
I'm just saying.
I just want to bring you to the reality
that you don't do that.
Don't measure it that way.
Just don't.
It's a trap.
Because only thing, you know, yeah, don't measure.
But within you, there's a standard
of what a good experience is like.
And your first one was a good encounter.
Now you're more comfortable talking to a person
and knowing that it's not so scary getting to know a person.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, no, that makes sense.
OK, OK.
Those are the things I'm saying pull out of it.
I think it's really good.
Some people's first experience is horrible.
You did really well.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thanks for sharing, Nikki.
Thank you, and thanks for your prayers and for your guidance.
Oh, of course. Yes, I'm so excited for you. I think you're absolutely adorable. God is good and he's faithful to you.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Somebody up next went on a hot date Saturday night. Come on, Sharai, tell the people all about it.
Hi, everyone.
But did you just scared me just now when you was talking to Nikki about younger people?
Since since this guy is 10 years younger than me, I thought you were like, oh, no, what's happening?
But I see you can't compare everybody, every situation different.
And he was 25. And it's no I think it's nice that she pulled a young like that.
But you this look, don't compare. Tell me about the date.
Oh, OK. Well, we were supposed to go to this place called I compete.
Uh huh. But we but then we end up not going.
Well, it was my choice because he said it was up to me.
I decided we shouldn't go to I compete because he forgot that he had he he double booked himself.
OK, so he like he told his his mom and her husband, his stepfather.
It was his stepfather's birthday. And he told his mom that he was going that he would either go to breakfast with them
or he would go to dinner. His mom gave him two options and he missed breakfast.
So he had to go to. So he had to go to dinner. And so I was thinking it was going to be like an evening thing for us to go out.
And so that kind of changed our changed our plans because I told him I didn't want him to like those places are expensive.
And I just didn't feel right, like him spending money on that and then being there for an hour or something like that.
I just. So I was like, let's just meet up for appetizers and talk or whatever.
And so that's what we did. We met up at and at BJ's brew house and we had appetizers and drank water.
Mm hmm. And it was really nice. He was and he really to be honest with you,
like he opened my eyes to something that I didn't realize that I was doing was that.
So when I got out of my car, he was sitting in his truck and I didn't see him.
I was just heading toward the restaurant. And we were we were talking on the phone after our date a few days later.
And he goes, he goes, he was asking me, why didn't I?
Why did why didn't I think that he was asking me about me meeting other people?
And I told him that I have always been this kind of girl that didn't really, you know.
Get approached. And he told me, he goes, it's probably because when you walk, you have your head down.
And I was like, and he goes, because he goes, he goes, he goes, if I did it, if I hadn't called your name,
I don't think you would have even noticed me. And he's and I was like, and it really made me stop and think like he's like,
I think you he said, I think you missed a lot of opportunities because you walk like you.
He says you have an aura like you don't want to be spoken to. And it's because of the way your your body posture is.
And I was like, wow, it was like, it really made me think about how I walk through like ever since then.
Now, like when I get out of my car and I'm walking, I try to like lift my head up because I didn't realize that I was putting off that energy because of the way I was like.
Where I was walking anyway, so that was a learning experience all in itself.
Anyways, so like you learn a lot of like if you you you learn a lot.
I, I feel like I've learned a lot from him already just because of that conversation anyway.
So it's I'm just kind of like I'm just really like trying to I'm trying not to be too excited.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Enjoy it. Yeah. Enjoy the experience. And you'll be really proud of me.
Because I said, because, because I set a boundary.
oh um he he we were talking and he was talking and he said you should just like you know it like um
since you're not tired you should just invite me over no and i didn't and i didn't respond at the
time but this morning i got up and i and ladies i just want to let you guys know chat gpt if you
have a question about how to respond i respond to somebody type in the question and chat gpt
help me write a text back it did anyways i i so i said to him i said we have been only on been on
only one date and at this point um i i am excited and i and i and i am excited to get to know you
but i think for a while we should keep our our meetings out in public and he
he accepted that boundary and he said okay i'm okay with that look at you
i'm happy for you do you feel so powerful that did make me feel powerful that i was
that because normally that would make me feel like oh scary he's gonna he's gonna run away
yeah yeah but he didn't run away uh-huh look at you
that was really good that was good i'm excited for you it's nothing like that that um
how powerful you feel when you set boundaries for your life and you tell people who you are
you actually announce to the world who you are by the boundaries you set in your life
that's what you do you're announcing who you are you're telling them something about your identity
and it is one of the most beautiful things a woman can do i admire it way to go shirai
there's so much more of that to come so i i do think i have made a few mistakes like i think
maybe we have talked about um because there's there is so much familiarity between us and so
i think i i think we've talked about things maybe we shouldn't have but i don't know
oh yeah no well that's that's an easy thing to do it's easy to over talk and so what you do is
you realize that it has bred a form of familiarity but it's it's it's fake because i don't care how
much you talked about he doesn't know you you don't know him really you may know things and
facts but you don't know each other so you just remind yourself i don't know him i may know his
mama name his daddy name where he grew up and what happened when he was a little boy but i don't know
and if you remind yourself of that no matter what you share with him it's gonna ground you
and what you want to be is grounded and so when you keep telling yourself the truth i know it
feels like i know him but i can't know him i haven't even been around that long i've been
knowing my cousin pookie for 15 years and i ain't expect him to do some of the stuff he did
i don't know him you know like you take real things get to the nut and bolts of a thing you
gotta look at the bare bones of a thing and apply wisdom and what you know to be truth
and be like uh it's just really not possible to know somebody in a week i know i feel like it but
it's not and so i just i don't want you to feel like you made a mistake i want you to just see
like it is like oh yeah we talked about a lot and that's just what it is you talked about a lot but
you can talk about less you could back you could stop it you can say i know we've covered a lot
and seems like we've bred a sense of familiarity but i realize we don't even know each other so
let's play this really fun game or let's talk let's tell me if you could what would you do
you know i'm saying don't head into the deep don't get on the phone and say let me tell you what
happened at work today and then i'm not saying you do this but i'm giving you an example because
you bred familiarity and you think you get on the phone with your best friend or now you're just
catching up and you're on the phone with you know your guy and so then this and so then it just don't
do that anymore if you were talking if you were texting all day while you're at work stop if you
were talking all the time i'm not saying you do it i'm no i learned that boundary from you when you
and so now i say to a guy at my album my work hours for 7 32 and i am not available
Those hours. That's right.
I am with children and teaching. That's right, because when you walk away from that experience, you won't have to
get yourself back used to not picking up your phone and texting somebody while you're at work.
Or waiting for their text to come through because you know they're gonna text, right?
It just saves you from a lot of unnecessary stuff.
No matter who the person is, you can feel like that person is the one for you.
But if you have to walk away, it's gonna sting. It's gonna be really hard to, you got so many areas you got to disconnect from, and we don't count that up.
We think, oh, I'll not just get over this, but you integrated them in so much of your life.
And then you're not taking time to actually pick it back out.
Pick it back out.
And so you can't, you can't come up with why is it so challenging for you?
That's good, Sharron. I'm happy for you.
And that was a really good point he gave you about dropping your head.
It is something that I practice every time I walk in front of someone.
I lift my head up and I have to tell myself, your head is dropped.
Pick it up.
Pick your head up.
Pick your, like I literally still rehearse that and I've been rehearsing that for years.
And so.
It's just funny to see how people see you.
Yeah.
When they're just, yeah, so that was interesting to me.
Yeah, I'm excited.
Woo-hoo.
Got a lot.
You're welcome.
Laura.
Natural Laurie.
That's right.
You need your head up.
Okay.
L-A-U.
Yeah.
Hello.
Hey.
Last week, I was on the morning session with Carla and I didn't get a chance to
let you know what I discussed in the app.
So anyhow, so a week ago Sunday, I went to some friends church that we used to
go with go to church with and because I was texting with them that evening
before I went to Austin and I had
Asked them.
It's a husband and wife couple and if they knew of anyone that like
they would recommend that I meet and initially the husband he responded
back and he's like, oh, I don't think so.
But then like literally like within two minutes.
He he texted me back and he's like, oh, yeah, actually there's this guy
who's like in his 50s.
His name is David.
He goes to their church and he's never been married.
So I was like, okay, so
So the Sunday after I got back from Austin, I went to their church and it
takes me like an hour to drive there or whatever, but I was like, I'm
going to do this and my son who's 20.
He was literally shocked.
He's like what mom you didn't see his photo before you went and I was
like, no, I don't want to like have preconceived ideas and just like
dismiss him if I didn't like think he was attractive or something.
So so I went and when I first got there, my friend wasn't there but his
daughter and her family they came like shortly after I got there and
then I had been there for a little while and my friend like in his wife
they showed up and so in between like Bible class and worship.
I met this guy David.
I mean, he's a nice guy or whatever, but he was literally sitting behind
me him and his mom during worship and I like smelled this weird odor and
I was like, no, that's not good or whatever and I did confirm it.
I mean it is him.
It's like it's an odor that somebody gives off like if they don't like
bathe as often as they need to whatever like his body odor or whatever.
It doesn't like use deodorant or enough or I don't know and so I was like
so I am I was like, well, I'm glad that I met him in person because like
if I was just online, I would have no idea and and then it was super
weird because like I was leaving so like I had like an hour to drive
home and so like I went to the ladies bathroom before I like went out
of the parking lot to my car and as I was coming out of like the bathroom,
he was there and he's like, oh, it was nice to meet you.
And I was like, yeah, it's nice to meet you too.
And as I was walking away, it was so weird.
I was like, he was literally like starting to go into the ladies
bathroom so confused.
I was like, okay, this guy's been going to this church for a while.
I'm like, is it because like he just like said something to me and he
was like kind of off kilter or something.
I mean, I didn't say anything.
I just like went on my way and I'm sure he like stopped and said
Alfred. It was just, it was just kind of funny or whatever. I
was just, um, yeah. Um, but then moving on to like, um,
another thing. So I yeah, um, so I was supposed to go to like
two meetup events last week. And I didn't end up going. I, I
just live, it's me and my 20 year old son. And I like have
just gotten so lazy because I don't like to have to cook for
myself. And my son like has his own schedule or whatever. And so
like, I didn't, I just wasn't like, I just gotten lazy. And
like, I'll get busy doing stuff. And I'm like, be all like, well,
I'm gonna eat later or whatever. And so like, I just didn't
really eat like when I needed to last weekend. And so like, I
didn't end up going to like these two events. So when I was
talking to my therapist today, she was like, can I give me a
hard time? She was like, she's like, what? Because when I was
talking to her last week, about it, and I was like, really
planning on going to these two things or whatever. And she's
like, baby, you need to like plan the future or whatever.
Which I'm working on that or whatever. And having like a
better like, meal routine or whatever. But then also, today,
I was listening to Jackie's video on the divine feminine and
some things really like, kind of like, hit me over the head.
Because I've been divorced for like seven and a half years, and
I'm super independent. And I even like growing up, I was the
only child and my parents divorced when I was six. And so
like, I was super independent, like growing up. And then even
for like, almost most of my marriage, which was almost like
24 years. Like he wasn't that involved with like, raising the
kids when they were younger, it was pretty much like, I was a
stay at home mom, and he worked outside the home. And, and that
was the thing. And he was also from Italy. And I know it's like
a cultural thing that like, the women raise the kids and
whatever. But then like, over the years, like he wasn't, even
when he was home, he wasn't like present. And so like, I just
learned to like, just do things like, on my own. So when Jackie
was talking today about just, like being super independent, or
like more in your like, masculine, which I probably am.
Which I mean, I do ask like, because she was talking about
like, asking people for like, help sometimes. And, and
sometimes that's a struggle for me. Because sometimes like, I'm
just like, I don't really need help. I can just do it on my
own. But, but sometimes like, because even like tomorrow, I'm
flying to go visit my daughter in Orlando. And I have asked her
like, if people offer to like help, like put my like, my
suitcase, like above in like the bin above, like I will like let
them but my whole thing is I don't like to like, to burden
somebody. So yeah, so that's like kind of like a work in
progress too. So yeah.
It takes time.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Well, thanks for the update. I'm sorry that you
didn't did the gap. Did y'all exchange the numbers or y'all
just met at the church? And that was it?
No, we just met at the church. And yeah, my friend, he texted
me a couple days later and just asked me like, how things went
or whatever. And I just told him I'm like, well, David, he's a
nice guy or whatever. And I just said that I wasn't interested or
whatever. I didn't know like a polite way to say that somebody
needs to like approach him about like his like, bodily hygiene
thing or whatever. Because yeah, I'm like the preacher at my
church about it. And even he said to he's like, well, that
could be like a reason why he's still single, which I mean, I'm
sure it probably has something to do with it. So
yeah, I think what you say was this, you know? Yeah, that was
good. I was like, it's not really my place to like,
tell them to go back. Yeah. I know. Now that was good. Thanks
for sharing. Oh, sure. Okay. Felicia.
Hi, hi, beautiful Ebony. Thank you so much for all you guys.
Yeah. So I'm just gonna share the hope of just continuing this,
whoever wants to or decide to whatever they want. And I just
continue in hope. Like Ebony shared that, you know, marriage
is not the end goal, in the sense of, you know, a desire for
it. But I just always think that, you know, my relationship
always says that it's going to be an example to the body of
Christ, and to those around me that so many around me looking
to see it work for me and encouraging me that it is and,
you know, when I gave them the hope story, even the ones that
never
the workout, they just keep giving me, sending me all the
texts, girl, I don't know how you do it. But because of you, I
am hopeful. So sometimes we're not just doing it for ourselves.
We kind of take our eyes off of it. That is not just for us. But
it's for others who want to see us stand in that faith. You
know, it's, it's amazing. So with Brian, we just been, you
know, we've been, we walk on Monday, like I put in the chat
and we workout at the gym today. He never goes to the gym. He
likes to walk, but he decided to join me there today. And it was
so nice. Someone to take up my weights for me. That was so
nice to know that. I mean, he's six five. And I always like, Oh
my god, I would like to meet someone tall. I've never get
that opportunity to do. So I was leaving the, I was leaving.
So I said to him, I said, you know, I'm just kind of
straightforward. Like, I don't care who they are. It's gonna
work or not. I'm just, I show my best self. So he was over me.
And I don't touch doors, ladies. I don't touch doors. I just
always look around to see who's coming behind me. And if it's a
man, I just kind of back up. My daughter took a video of me. I
said, Mom, you don't know how to open a door. She literally did.
I backed up and just stepped back for the door to be open. So
he was over me. And I know before that I said, so well, I
know you're just doing an hour. Normally I do more than that. So
I'm gonna, how would it look if, if I stay back for a little bit
to do my therapy part of it and you leave, but he has an
appointment. And he said, well, that's okay. You can just walk
me to the door. And that'd be fine. I said, okay. So I walk
into the door and he was standing over me. And just as
soon as I started the door, my hand was about to touch the
door, which I don't, but I was just putting up my hand. I just
feel that push, like a wind just opened the door. So he was the
one behind me because he's so tall. He just opened the door
and I'm like, what a freedom to just have someone do that for
you. You know, it's just a little thing. It's just so
beautiful. And that's what you said, have fun with it. You
know let me tell you when he walked with me, he's just
looking around, am I going to slip? Are the geese going to
get me? I'm like, man. And I said to him, I said, you're so
present. And he said, that's why he, they asked him to be the,
do the security in the church, because he's very aware. Let me
tell you the moment I look like I'm about to get something, he's
there helping me like, yes, that's what I'm looking for.
Laying all that independence down. And I'm looking for that.
I'm telling you ladies, God is so faithful. I don't know if
it's him, but let me tell you out of this small few days, it
shows up that it's possible. It is quite possible for us to
wait and to know it's there. God is faithful and he's writing
the story, not the way we want it, but he's doing it. He's so
amazing. So we're going to go on another date on Saturday and he
planned it out so beautifully. I don't have the strength for
that. So thank God he knows how to do that. The timing and what
we're going to do, and we're going to see that movie, Serious
Oil, and then we're going to have dinner. And then he said,
maybe he can put something else in. So, and I don't go to early
movies and I don't ever do movies ladies, but when I'm going
to do this, because guess what? I'm a change girl, a heel girl
looking to have fun. So we're going to go midday, like
lunchtime. And that's going to be nice. So that's what I have
to say to see how it goes. Good, good thing he's close by. So,
how I was believing for that, goodness Lord, I'm in
Pennsylvania. I'm in Maryland. I'm in Baltimore. I go back to
North Carolina. I'm like all over the state, but he was like
right there, right there, 10 minutes away. So let's see how
it goes and I'll give you updates and just encouraging
each of us that we all go through that. We don't want to
do it, but I don't, like you said, Ebony, I don't take it as
a job. I go on in the freedom, the freedom, just I use the
freedom and just go on it when, because I wasn't even intentional
at this last few months. I was not. I just, you know, kind of
just wait till someone say hi and see where it goes and just
tell the Lord to just write the story, you know. So that's what
I'm doing. So thank you so much, Ebony. If it hasn't been for
you, I would never be on the app and getting these stories.
Thank you. That's so exciting, Felicia, and I'm glad you're
dating someone close because that long distance stuff for
the birds. Yeah, they're for the birds. Boy, they don't work
on at all. And such a gentleman. He's such a gentleman.
When I tell you kind and such a gentleman, I can see something
in him that he's a man who just has that principle and, you
know, and just
just enjoy that moment, wherever it goes,
if that's what I get out of it,
I can see that it's possible that there's a man out there
and he loves the Lord.
I don't even have to highlight anything.
He talks so subtle about it, but you can see that,
because he's one of them who was affected by the shutdown
when he worked for the government for over 27 years.
And I asked him, I said,
how do you walk through this in this time?
And he said, his faith.
So, you can see those fruits.
So, yeah.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
That's great.
Thank you for the update.
That's awesome.
Thank you.
Hey, you're welcome.
Gail.
Hi.
Hey.
Okay, so I'm not even a week in,
well, I'm a week today into this phase.
Welcome.
So, I said, okay, this challenge thing.
So, I, of course, just came out of HeartWorks.
I think I abused my long standing in there
because I was hesitant about moving over.
I think I signed up for HeartWork in January or something.
I went through it twice.
So, Jackie and the next day was Bethany said, out.
You get your move, Gail.
So, here I am.
So, I did, they blocked me from the Monday group check-in.
So, yeah, anyways, I needed to.
I'm glad they pushed me.
I signed up for Facebook dating and I spoke this afternoon.
And I'm inundated, like 15 likes
and maybe I save seven of them, match with them.
But I'm currently trying to keep up conversation
with 27 men and I actually,
and I'm going to be posting a profile
and getting critiqued on it.
That's what was suggested
because I actually did that before I actually listened
to the video on Dating 101, but I put it right out there.
I was a Christian woman living by Christian values
and just a very small brief bio myself.
But I started to getting a lot of like,
I don't know, why are we supposed to be open
to non-Christians?
I guess that's my question.
I got the idea when I did listen to it
that you shouldn't really make a bold statement
about your Christianity and your profile,
I guess is the best way I can say.
And that you should, but I will not have any,
I will not have a serious relationship with a non-Christian.
So I don't know, did I misunderstand something on that?
Yeah, I don't think you've misunderstood it.
Let me bring some clarity.
And so in the video, she probably was making mention
that a lot of times when we are on dating profiles,
sometimes men don't post that they're Christians
even though they are, so they may not have anything there.
So when you're looking, if it doesn't say Christian,
you're like, well, they don't say Christian.
I'm not going to give them a chance,
but you read his bio and you think he's interesting.
Then in that case, you could like them back.
And when you talk to them,
you're going to know if they're a believer or not.
But would you click on somebody who's Buddhist or atheist?
Of course not, you wouldn't do that, right?
So that's what that is speaking to.
And then the other thing is, let me give you an example.
Okay, so somebody in our community,
when they did their profile, they let me saw it.
And of course they did it with a more Christian one,
but everything they talked about was Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, and Jesus, and Jesus, and Jesus.
And I was like, hey, you got too much Jesus in here.
She was saying, nobody will talk to me, literally.
She had been on there weeks and she didn't get a hit.
And her profile also talked about what somebody had to be
and they needed to be in.
She loves God and this is a non-negotiable.
It was overwhelming.
And I told her I wouldn't be attracted to her
because are you anybody outside of Jesus?
So not in that way, I know,
like it is Jesus who now lives in us.
So I'm giving you this example to help you see.
And so more subtle statements like,
hey, my faith is very important to me.
And the person that I get to know,
I would like that to be the same for them.
Okay. Right.
And so they're just saying,
You don't have to, when you put your profile,
no, it's about Jesus and then more Gs and more Gs,
so you don't say anything about you.
So you're saying, I'm Gayle, you know, I like, just say,
I like outdoor adventures, I like to go hiking.
So you're telling these people something about you,
and you're also saying my faith is of the utmost importance
to me, my faith in Jesus is very important to me
and the person that I date, I want that as well for them.
Okay.
So that's just a little, just to open that up for you,
that's what that would look like.
Yeah, that's very, very helpful then,
that explains it then, thank you.
Yeah, you're welcome, and let me just add this.
So when you talk about boundaries on your first date,
you're not gonna talk about Jesus,
you're not gonna talk about spiritual things,
like you're not gonna pray together.
Not you're not gonna talk about Jesus,
but you're not gonna wanna get into, let's pray together,
let's read our Bible together.
Spiritual things can make you think you know a person
better than you do.
It's one of the things, and it's just not this program,
you can research it.
When you start doing these spiritual things with a person,
you think you know them, but you don't.
You say, well, I see them through God's eyes.
Yeah, but God know everything about them,
you don't know about them.
So you can see them with the love of God,
but he's already, he accepts their addiction.
He accept like he's working with him
to get them to an expected end.
So it's wonderful that you see them,
but it's also wonderful that you live
where you are in the moment.
And so you don't wanna start talking
about heavy emotional things,
those things that are private to your life.
You don't wanna start doing spiritual things together
because it again produces, it speeds up the process,
and it makes you think you know them better than you do.
So when you watch these videos and she says,
lay out that a lot of Bible reading and praying
when you first meet a person until you get to know them,
that's the reason why, because it in fact produces it.
You're right when you start joining,
oh, come go to my church.
Let's come and go do this together.
Let's go to this conference together.
Let's do this together.
You're starting to think,
oh, I really know this person, I miss them.
So just a little clarity on that.
Yeah, I'm again, it's been,
it was like a week ago tomorrow
that I actually even signed up for this dating app.
So now what is the next step here?
I mean, I've been chatting with some of them
for like five days.
What are the levels there?
Okay, so yeah, and then I wanna tell you,
27 is a lot, just narrow it down to about three, Gail.
You're gonna get tired and you're not gonna be able
to really invest in what's in front of you.
You're not gonna be able to tell.
So just cause they like you
don't mean you have to like them back, it's okay.
So pick your three.
You can even pick three
that you wanna continue your conversation with.
Or two, and then rotate them.
Once one fall out, pick up another one.
You see what I'm saying?
And so at this phase, what happens is,
in one of the videos, it explains it to you this way.
The goal of your communication is for a live date.
If someone is local and driving distance,
you want to get with them.
If you start talking to them on Monday,
by Friday, y'all should be setting up a coffee date.
Somewhere in those three days,
one day, two day, whatever you're comfortable with,
you can be saying, hey, it's great getting to know you.
If you're interested in exchanging numbers
or doing a video call, I would like that as well.
Let me know.
You're not trying to text with somebody for five days
that you've never seen before.
You haven't heard their voice.
There's nothing other than you sending a message
back and forth.
And so at some point you wanna find a way
to come out of that part of the app.
You can make calls on these apps now.
You can do video chats on the apps now.
So if you wanna do that, you can do Zoom.
If you don't wanna give your number out,
you can get a Google number.
Let's say this person lives farther than a drive
and they're 300 miles away.
Well, in about two weeks, y'all need to be meeting up.
But there's no way where you should be texting them
for two weeks and not heard their voice,
not done a video chat.
That needs to happen.
Because at this point, you don't even know
if you're dealing with a real person.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've had several men give me their number
and I have done nothing with it
and I haven't given mine out.
I did give it out to one person and he was local
and we had Facebook friends in common, interesting enough.
So I met with him and that was a real,
that was an eye opener.
He seemed nice, of course, on the profile
and I called the people that knew him and said,
oh, he appears to be a nice guy.
The friends, common friends, I did a little research.
And so I met with him and I'm in a public place and he had a dog with him and I was
petting the dog and because I have worked at a vet's office, I noticed a lump on its
abdomen and I said, Oh, do you know about this lump on your dog's abdomen?
And he was quiet for like 10 minutes.
We proceeded to go.
We were walking around this along this path and he was like quiet, quiet, quiet, and all
of a sudden he blew up at me.
I mean, hollering, don't you accuse me of not taking care of my dog and I spent X amount
of dollars taking care of my dog.
I mean, he started hollering at me.
I was so embarrassed.
Of course that was like gone, you know, he, you know, I'm, I'm very fortunate that I saw
that red flag like immediately, but, um, I've had others that wanting to do, you know, call
and talk.
And I'm just like, I don't know.
I don't know what week I'm supposed to.
I'm like, I gotta ask, I gotta ask, you know, when, when are we supposed to be talking on
the phone kind of thing?
And I do have a Google voice, by the way, I did set one up.
Yeah.
Oh, well you're good to go.
Just you don't have to wait to do that.
You can do it the same day.
You start chatting with them.
If you want to.
That's just up to you.
You can do it the next day.
Uh, that is, and men are notorious.
Like I've been on dating ads and they'll just send a number and I'm like, uh, no, but you
will have to at least ask me, but anyway, um, but no, that's a totally up to you.
I don't, I don't like to me personally.
It's up to you completely.
Um, I don't do long chat texting back and forth.
I like to go ahead and figure out what we got and get a date on the books.
Cause I don't like talking to a person.
I don't know how they look.
And I've not seen it before.
It feels weird to me.
Um, and I don't do it.
So do you consider a date, like a zoom chat, a video chat or now long distance that yeah,
the, you know, we can make the program considers it a date.
Okay.
Yeah.
Um, and then if someone's in another country, like far away, like 1300 miles away, no more
than about five weeks before you see each other, you, you know, you don't need to go
past five weeks because you really don't know a person until you meet them.
Good.
Yeah.
You've helped me a lot.
Thank you.
Good.
You're welcome.
Okay.
Ladies.
It has been a pleasure tonight.
We need to play pray for who's dog, um, Patty, who's dog are we praying for?
I think she got out because he's the dog is Jody Jody.
Let's pray for Jody's dog and something we didn't get a chance to do, even though it's
the aftermath of it.
Um, and my intercessory team here, we we've been praying for Jamaica, but we're going
to throw that in.
I didn't forget that.
Felicia there we're praying for him every week with my internet, with my intercessory
team.
But anyway, yes, we're going to pray for Jody's dog, Lucy.
And we're going to pray for those, um, in Jamaica for their recovery.
So father God, we thank you for your goodness and your kindness.
We enter into your courts with your gates with Thanksgiving into your courts with praise,
because no matter what is happening in this world around us, you are good and you are
worthy to be praised.
And so we say, thank you God in glory to your name.
We're just like the elders.
They cast their crowns down at your feet saying, Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God almighty
who was and is and is to come.
So God, we thank you for your faithfulness.
We thank you for Lucy.
We ask that you put your hand upon Lucy, heal her body, her, uh, Jody's little dog.
We thank you.
Look, I've seen you heal dogs before.
I know you would do it.
There are dogs on a sick bed.
Our team prayed and you kept the dog alive.
And so we ask you for, um, to keep Jody in perfect health.
She, I mean, Lucy in perfect health.
And I know Lucy means so much to Jody.
Our dogs are our friends.
Our dogs are our family.
And so father God, we just thank you that we ask Lord God for your recovery and restoration
grace over Jamaica.
Lord God, we call for renewal.
Lord God in that land.
Um, and we call for that land, um, to make reconciliation with you and to declare as
an island that Jesus is Lord.
Um, and so father God, we just thank you for what you're doing.
I thank you for these ladies.
I thank you that you have a, a dynamic plan for them and you're rolling it out before
their very eyes.
They don't see it yet, but they will see it real soon in Jesus name.
We pray.
Amen.
Good night, ladies.
Sleep well.
Good night.
Thank you.
Good night.
You're welcome.
Good night.
Thank you.
Have a good night.
You're welcome.
Y'all have a good night.