WEBVTT

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All right, welcome to Ask Jackie, also known as Loveseats.

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This is only for our VIP community, used to be called our Phase 3 community, but not everyone

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comes to VIP community.

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It's not necessarily a linear process, so it is now only called VIP community.

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And so this is where I show up, I'm not really involved in Phase 1 or 2 of the program.

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My videos are, and people see my teaching there, but this is where I show up to coach

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you guys, where I let you ask me questions, and this is where that happens.

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And so only where it happens.

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And then of course, Supernatural Saturday is somewhere else that I show up.

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So if you're new here to VIP community, welcome.

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This is the Ask Jackie Loveseats portion, and there should be a tab in your resource

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tab in your app that allows you to submit a question or submit your desire to be in

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the loveseat during this session every month.

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All right, this is a co-ed session, and it is a really good time.

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All right, so without further ado, let me kind of look through the names here.

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Got a light crowd tonight.

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I'm sure it's because of the holidays, the time of year, everyone is really busy trying

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to get a lot of stuff done, and I get it.

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But Michelle is first up.

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Michelle, are you here?

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Michelle in Ohio, are you here?

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Michelle Martin.

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No?

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Okay.

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We will move on to the next person.

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Kaylin, are you here?

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Well, this is embarrassing.

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Where is everybody at?

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All right, Kaylin is not here either yet.

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They could be late.

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They could be coming.

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All right, so that I believe...

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Jane.

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Jane, are you here?

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Yep.

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It's Jane.

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Janie Harris?

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Yes, Jane.

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Okay.

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That's me.

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You submitted a question, right?

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I did.

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All right, wonderful.

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All right, there she is.

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Hi, Jane.

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Welcome to the loveseat, and welcome to Ask Jackie.

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Okay, let's go ahead.

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I have your question here, but you go ahead and ask it so that everyone can hear it.

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So, my question is in regards to long-distance dating relationships, and also I'm in the middle

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of transition.

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So, on some of the apps, I will put my current location, which is Hampton, Virginia, but

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I always make it known that I am transitioning and going to be moving to the West Coast as

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soon as I sell my house.

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And so, sometimes I'll look for people on this side, on the East Coast, and then other

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times on another app, it allows me to put in a search for the West Coast.

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And so, it's been kind of difficult, but I always make it known, and then some people

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were like, no, I'm definitely not doing no transition.

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And so, I'm kind of looking for somebody who may be a little bit more open-minded, because

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at this age, I'm 60 years old, and so at this age, I'm not opposed to relocating, right?

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So, I'm going to Arizona for a business opportunity, but I can work virtually, right, and so I

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can relocate anywhere else.

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And so, then my question would be with the online, with the transition, I don't know

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if this is a good time to even be starting to looking, but I have met a guy who, he is

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in Ohio, no, Chicago, he's in Chicago, and we even talked about maybe the possibility

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of having two homes, right?

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We can have a, people do it all the time, they have a winter home, they have a summer

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home, you know, if we, and Arizona is summer all the time here, so Chicago.

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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you were talking to the student in Chicago, and you guys were

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already talking about where your homes were going to be?

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So, no, we were talking about the possibility, because I tell people I'm relocating, they

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were like, oh, okay.

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And so, yeah, we were talking about that possibility of, you know, that's not out of the question.

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Because most people just like shut it down.

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Like, no, I'm not, I'm not going away.

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I'm, I'm, you know, I'm in North Carolina.

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I'm not going anywhere.

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So that wouldn't work for me.

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Right.

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So I would want to know ahead of time.

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Sure.

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No, for sure.

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But right now you still live where, where do you live right now?

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Currently I'm in Hampton, Virginia.

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Hampton, Virginia.

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And when are you supposed to move to Arizona?

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So I'm moving to Arizona as soon as my house sells.

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It's been on the market now for about 30 days.

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So as soon as it sells, probably I was looking towards the end of the year.

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If it doesn't happen, you know, I don't have a timeframe that

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I have to be over in Arizona.

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Okay.

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All right.

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So it's kind of open-ended, right?

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It's really open-ended.

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And so, first of all, I want to really encourage you to, um, to focus on

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connection with people and not logistics.

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Right.

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You have like, a lot of people will lead a conversation with

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what they think the deal breaker is.

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And friends, you can apply this to anything.

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Okay.

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We're, we're, we're applying it to her, you know, location or her living

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situation right now, or her transition.

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But a lot of times when we're getting to know someone, especially, you know,

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over an app, we will lead with the thing that we think is going to be the deal

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breaker.

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And the reason why we do that is because we don't want to waste our time.

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We don't want to waste anybody else's time.

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I get that.

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But what we really need to lead with is do we even have a connection with this

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person?

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Do we even like them?

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Cause let me tell you something.

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When someone likes you, when we allow someone to get to know us and they like

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us, they'd be willing to overcome a lot of stuff in order to be in relationship

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with us, possibly long distance, possibly transition, possibly your bad child.

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That you think everyone needs to know about in the first three conversations,

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because you're like, well, no, one's going to sign up for this circus.

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So I better let them know that I have a kid that, you know, is unruly and

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disrespectful and crazy teen, whatever.

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No, that's not what you do because people will have grace for a lot of things

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about us and about our lives right now.

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Currently, if we allow people to get to know us now, if you're extending your

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app to some place that you don't live and you know, because the app allows you

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to search in a huge place.

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And so if you're, if you're talking to people in Arizona and you haven't moved

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there yet, then you simply to say to them, Hey, I'm relocating when my house

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sells, I'm coming in town for a job.

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I'm not, I'm not there yet.

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I'm not there yet, but that is the plan to relocate.

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And then if you're talking to people where you live now, there's not, it's not

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necessary to say, well, I could be moving any day now, unless there's a connection

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that warrants that information.

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Do you get me?

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Like, if you have a connection, you guys feel like you're really, really

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vibing and this, this could like really have potential.

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That's when you're like, Hey, I just want to let you know that I was considering

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moving to Arizona because maybe you won't, like you just said, you can live

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from, you can work from anywhere.

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So, you know, maybe you don't leave Hampton if you find your spirit mate there

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and they can't leave there right now.

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I mean, anything is possible right now.

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What I really love more about your story right now is that

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the world's kind of your oyster.

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I hope you feel that way.

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Cause I feel that way about you feel like, wow, I'm 60 years old, but

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you know, I'm not retiring.

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I'm refiring the world is my oyster oyster.

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I'm on an adventure.

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I'm on adventure with Jesus right now.

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How exciting, how fun.

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And what you need is you need to lead with that because you need to attract

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someone who also wants this, you know, the third of their life, this last third

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of their life to be like the best third, right?

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Last third, best third.

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That's what you're really looking for.

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Looking for someone who is not stuck in their ways.

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Someone who wants to do something out of the box.

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That's really what you want to do.

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So yeah, don't lie to someone about the situation that you're in, but also you

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need to spend the time that you're talking to someone, especially those

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first couple conversations, not on logistics, but on connection.

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Do I like you?

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Do you like me?

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Do we have anything in common?

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What are you excited about in life right now?

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And that is that, that is, that's my advice about that.

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And then I wrote some other things down here for you.

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Um, I think that, okay.

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So I said, I wrote down, stay open, stay open.

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And if I were you, I would say something because not everyone

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needs to know your business.

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And so if I were you, at the very beginning, I have here, um, you

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know, let them know that you're exploring new opportunities, earning

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That you're not rooted that you can, like you said to the Chicago guy, like I can go

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anywhere.

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You know, I had my eyes kind of looking, I live in Virginia, but I had my eyes looking

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at Arizona.

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I think Virginia has some winter still, but Arizona, not so much.

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So you're dating with intention, but also really flexible.

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That's really, that makes you very attractive.

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You're dating with intention, but you're also really flexible, right?

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About what can happen next.

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And then I already told you, focus on the connection.

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I think that's really important.

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And then, and then the other thing, and I already said this to you, is that, you know,

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let what you're doing right now be part of your story.

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Like what's exciting about you instead of like a deal breaker or a barrier to relationship.

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Let it be an exciting part of relationship.

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Like, Hey, I'm open to getting to know really anybody right now.

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I'm being very intentional because I am, I'm very, I'm, I'm in flux right now.

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I'm very fluid without making it sound unstable.

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Like I have an opportunity to just be anywhere that I want to be sound good.

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That does.

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Cause cause that's what, that was my concern.

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Is it, would it come off as I'm unstable?

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Like I'm looking for some way to latch on to, and I don't want to be, a lot of people

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are digital nomads.

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A lot of people have, a lot of people have opportunities where they don't have to be

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any specific zip code.

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And so I would just lead with that.

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I would just lead with that instead of talking about where you are, where you might actually

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go.

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You know, I wouldn't give, I wouldn't give any more information when my house sells some

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of the Arizona, I would just keep it open.

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And once again, let the connection lead what you say next to this person, not, you know,

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not your situation, let the connection dictate what happens next.

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Okay.

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Cool.

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Okay.

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Cause otherwise, cause listen, if I don't know you, if I'm a guy, I don't know you and

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in your age bracket, okay.

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The men that are in your age bracket.

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If I'm one of those guys and I don't know you and you kind of cute and I'm, I'm enjoying

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kind of talking to you and then you throw a wrench at me like, Oh, Hey, I'm moving.

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And it's nowhere near where I live.

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Then I'm just like, I don't have enough of a connection or any kind of real, you know,

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history with you enough to try to overcome that obstacle, which is like, well, bye, right.

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Yeah.

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Even people that meet on, meet on a vacation somewhere, say you meet someone in Cabo and

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you're really vibing with them.

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And then you've got to go home to your different cities.

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It's like, well, the relationship's over, but it isn't over if one or the other person

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is able to continue the relationship because they have the flexibility to continue the

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relationship.

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And right now you have a lot of flexibility.

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And so definitely focus on that.

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That's not instability.

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That's flexibility.

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And that's very different.

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Okay.

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Thanks for coming on love seats.

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I hope that that helped you.

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Do we have Michelle Martin?

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You're welcome.

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Welcome.

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Yes.

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Michelle.

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You're here.

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Okay.

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Let me, let me scroll down and find you here.

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00:13:38.200 --> 00:13:39.340
There she is.

247
00:13:39.820 --> 00:13:40.020
Here I am.

248
00:13:40.220 --> 00:13:40.640
All right.

249
00:13:40.880 --> 00:13:41.280
Michelle.

250
00:13:42.360 --> 00:13:42.400
Exciting.

251
00:13:42.920 --> 00:13:43.240
All right.

252
00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:44.680
I know you're where your question is.

253
00:13:44.680 --> 00:13:47.440
I have it here, but you go ahead and tell everyone what your question is.

254
00:13:47.620 --> 00:13:48.020
Yeah.

255
00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:51.440
So I've been dating someone since July.

256
00:13:52.020 --> 00:13:53.380
Things have been going really well.

257
00:13:53.380 --> 00:13:56.920
Um, I, he was not like my type.

258
00:13:57.080 --> 00:14:02.800
I had some like initial, like, I don't know that kind of thing with him, but, um, he's

259
00:14:02.800 --> 00:14:03.880
just been really great.

260
00:14:04.100 --> 00:14:07.240
We have very similar, like values.

261
00:14:07.240 --> 00:14:09.260
We kind of want the same things in life.

262
00:14:09.320 --> 00:14:14.960
Um, we see each other a lot and we've started talking more about getting married and it

263
00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:17.300
just felt it's, so it's been like four and a half months.

264
00:14:17.300 --> 00:14:21.880
It felt like a natural conversation at the time because it was kind of like, we were

265
00:14:21.880 --> 00:14:23.080
both thinking about it.

266
00:14:23.080 --> 00:14:26.900
And so, and he's, he's like very ready.

267
00:14:27.040 --> 00:14:28.960
Like, I think he would propose like now.

268
00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:36.340
Um, and I told him like last week that I wanted to marry him and I meant it, but like, I got

269
00:14:36.340 --> 00:14:42.400
hit with like a lot of unexpected anxiety, like in the days that followed and feelings

270
00:14:42.400 --> 00:14:47.380
of like kind of picking the relationship apart and like backtracking of like, well, it was

271
00:14:47.380 --> 00:14:49.720
like a lot of fear of missing red flags.

272
00:14:49.740 --> 00:14:51.460
Is there something I'm not seeing?

273
00:14:51.460 --> 00:14:54.660
Like just a lot of paranoia.

274
00:14:55.740 --> 00:14:59.600
Um, I'm also in a health flare up, which causes really extreme anxiety.

275
00:14:59.600 --> 00:14:59.980
So that's.

276
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.680
me, that's been a challenge that he and I've had to kind of like

277
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work through together. Last night, I was just in a really

278
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anxious place. And I like brought up something he'd said

279
00:15:10.140 --> 00:15:13.220
like a month ago, that was like, not terrible. It was like maybe

280
00:15:13.220 --> 00:15:16.120
a little bit of an off collar joke. And like, it was one of

281
00:15:16.120 --> 00:15:18.520
the things that had started like obsessively going around around

282
00:15:18.520 --> 00:15:21.060
in my mind of like, Oh, well, should we talk about this? Or do

283
00:15:21.060 --> 00:15:24.260
we believe the same things about that? And I could tell it threw

284
00:15:24.260 --> 00:15:27.000
him off a little bit because he wasn't expecting it. And he was

285
00:15:27.040 --> 00:15:30.640
kind of just like, he got kind of quiet. And we ended up

286
00:15:30.640 --> 00:15:34.340
talking through it. We had a great conversation. Like, I feel

287
00:15:34.340 --> 00:15:36.940
like it was like a revealing healing, revealing for healing

288
00:15:36.940 --> 00:15:40.340
moment for both of us. I felt great when I went to bed. But

289
00:15:40.340 --> 00:15:44.060
still, when I woke up today, it was like, my mind was replaying

290
00:15:44.060 --> 00:15:47.640
the conversation and like, Oh, like, did he respond immediately

291
00:15:47.640 --> 00:15:49.880
the way I wanted to? I don't know, just a lot of like

292
00:15:49.820 --> 00:15:54.660
anxious, kind of compulsive thoughts like that of, of, like,

293
00:15:55.300 --> 00:15:57.700
just like fear based thinking about the relationship. I've

294
00:15:57.700 --> 00:16:00.220
been having nightmares that we break up. I've like had not have

295
00:16:00.220 --> 00:16:03.600
not felt this way the whole time we've dated. Until we started

296
00:16:03.740 --> 00:16:07.920
actually putting talking about dates, talking about rings, like

297
00:16:07.920 --> 00:16:12.320
talking about real things. It was just kind of like, I like I

298
00:16:12.320 --> 00:16:15.160
was just surprised by how anxious I got. So that's

299
00:16:15.160 --> 00:16:16.040
basically it.

300
00:16:16.420 --> 00:16:19.000
Yeah, but it's, you know, it's par for the course. It's really

301
00:16:19.000 --> 00:16:22.540
normal. You know, a lot of people call this cold feet. You

302
00:16:22.540 --> 00:16:24.740
know, that's what you know, that's how people describe it as

303
00:16:24.740 --> 00:16:29.040
things get really, really serious. And, and it looks like

304
00:16:29.480 --> 00:16:33.180
there's marriage, you know, a long term commitment on the

305
00:16:33.180 --> 00:16:35.640
horizon. This is where people start to this kind of stuff

306
00:16:35.640 --> 00:16:38.000
starts to surface. It's important for all of you guys to

307
00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:41.480
know that it's not that this stuff is coming out of nowhere.

308
00:16:42.260 --> 00:16:45.260
Okay, it's coming out of somewhere. There's a difference

309
00:16:45.260 --> 00:16:47.380
between those two things. It's not coming out of nowhere. It's

310
00:16:47.380 --> 00:16:49.460
like, wait, what, where did this come from? Everything was really

311
00:16:49.460 --> 00:16:52.060
great. And then all of a sudden, I feel this way. Because it's

312
00:16:52.060 --> 00:16:54.340
coming up from in here, something in here is getting

313
00:16:54.300 --> 00:16:57.640
triggered. It's not coming from out here. It's coming from in

314
00:16:57.640 --> 00:17:01.200
here. And so first of all, the very thing that we need to ask

315
00:17:01.220 --> 00:17:03.560
ourselves, and I wrote this down for you just now, as you were

316
00:17:03.820 --> 00:17:06.780
talking, is I really sense from what you're saying, and

317
00:17:06.780 --> 00:17:08.859
everything that you wrote about him, everything that's good

318
00:17:08.859 --> 00:17:13.680
about the relationship good about him. I feel like it's less

319
00:17:14.619 --> 00:17:19.420
about he's not the one and more because of the long health

320
00:17:19.420 --> 00:17:24.060
battle that you've been in for so many years. It's more, am I

321
00:17:24.060 --> 00:17:29.200
the one? You know, it's it's more Can I be the one? Can I

322
00:17:29.320 --> 00:17:32.880
sustain relationship at this level? You know, because for

323
00:17:32.880 --> 00:17:35.840
most of your relationship, it's not that you've been your your

324
00:17:35.840 --> 00:17:40.380
best self physically, but you've been doing pretty good. And you

325
00:17:40.380 --> 00:17:44.480
know, you've definitely done way worse in the past with different

326
00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:47.620
things that you've dealt with with Lyme and autoimmune and

327
00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:50.940
different things. And so like you said, I'm in a flare right

328
00:17:50.940 --> 00:17:53.880
now. And so I really believe that that has to do with this.

329
00:17:53.980 --> 00:17:58.300
Yeah, it's kind of chicken and egg is the stress of intimacy

330
00:17:58.900 --> 00:18:02.760
causing flares flare causing stress, you know, so it's like,

331
00:18:02.900 --> 00:18:04.780
you know, it's that whole different. It's that whole

332
00:18:04.680 --> 00:18:09.420
thing. And I feel like having and I had to have these very

333
00:18:09.420 --> 00:18:12.700
honest conversations with David when I met him because I also

334
00:18:12.700 --> 00:18:17.260
was sick, you know that not with Lyme, but all but with

335
00:18:17.980 --> 00:18:21.820
Epstein-Barr and with which is called chronic fatigue. For

336
00:18:21.820 --> 00:18:25.280
those of you that don't know what that is, with adrenal, my

337
00:18:25.280 --> 00:18:28.980
adrenals were fried. So I had extreme adrenal exhaustion from

338
00:18:28.980 --> 00:18:33.000
panic disorder, was dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder.

339
00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:38.700
And so I, you know, I needed him to know that even though he was

340
00:18:38.700 --> 00:18:43.440
kind of seeing me on an upswing, I somehow needed him to

341
00:18:43.440 --> 00:18:46.700
understand what it would look like if I was like the worst of

342
00:18:46.740 --> 00:18:50.980
myself. Because I wasn't the worst of myself at the moment,

343
00:18:50.980 --> 00:18:54.540
like I was enjoying falling in love and being in love. And you

344
00:18:54.540 --> 00:18:58.000
know, and I definitely felt some of what you're feeling like, do

345
00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:00.840
I even like him, you know, like just kind of picking things

346
00:19:00.840 --> 00:19:05.120
apart and becoming very scrutinizing. Yeah, which

347
00:19:05.120 --> 00:19:09.420
happens when when we're afraid, that's a fear response of let me

348
00:19:09.420 --> 00:19:12.320
find something wrong with this, so I can give myself permission

349
00:19:12.320 --> 00:19:17.160
to leave it. But really, what I was mostly afraid of is that I

350
00:19:17.160 --> 00:19:22.860
was going to be what I knew I was capable of being as far as

351
00:19:22.860 --> 00:19:26.060
the worst of myself, like that was going to like rear its ugly

352
00:19:26.060 --> 00:19:28.700
head, and that this person wasn't going to be able to

353
00:19:28.700 --> 00:19:30.800
handle it, because they didn't know that version of me, they

354
00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:35.360
weren't going to be able to love me. And that, you know,

355
00:19:35.420 --> 00:19:37.100
that they would leave. Yeah.

356
00:19:39.180 --> 00:19:43.620
Yeah, it's really, it's really hard to share those. Like,

357
00:19:43.700 --> 00:19:45.840
because it does bring really intense mental health struggles

358
00:19:45.860 --> 00:19:49.620
when I get sick, when I'm in a flare up, and a lot of it's

359
00:19:49.620 --> 00:19:53.700
very chemical, and there's not a lot I could do about it. Do you

360
00:19:53.700 --> 00:19:56.460
feel like it would be wisdom to just say, like, if I'm feeling

361
00:19:56.460 --> 00:19:59.640
that way, and I'm feeling even, sometimes I feel like the enemy

362
00:19:59.640 --> 00:19:59.820
attacks

363
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.440
my mind more too. And I feel like that, like, if I'm feeling

364
00:20:03.440 --> 00:20:06.720
this compulsion to like, bring something up or talk to him

365
00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:09.580
about something, would it be wise just to like, wait and say,

366
00:20:09.580 --> 00:20:12.400
like, I'm gonna wait until I'm not feeling like this and make

367
00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:15.780
sure that I'm not just doing this out of anxiety. Because I

368
00:20:15.780 --> 00:20:17.100
kind of felt like that's what I was doing.

369
00:20:17.960 --> 00:20:21.700
You guys are far enough into this relationship now that you

370
00:20:21.700 --> 00:20:25.500
guys are talking about getting married, talking about rings,

371
00:20:25.500 --> 00:20:31.160
talking about dates, he's got to be able to show up. Even with

372
00:20:31.160 --> 00:20:35.380
the worst of you. He's got to be able to, you know, we always try

373
00:20:35.480 --> 00:20:39.200
to obviously show people the best of us in relationship. But

374
00:20:39.200 --> 00:20:43.500
when relationship progresses to this point, and we do have some

375
00:20:43.700 --> 00:20:46.340
life controlling problems, like like she said, that are out of

376
00:20:46.340 --> 00:20:48.720
our control, we have some situations where we haven't been

377
00:20:48.720 --> 00:20:51.500
healed yet, we haven't been delivered yet. We're believing

378
00:20:51.500 --> 00:20:53.740
for those things, but those things have not happened. We

379
00:20:53.740 --> 00:20:56.220
have, you know, for some of you, it might be you have a

380
00:20:56.300 --> 00:21:01.020
really crazy family that you know, you have to be involved

381
00:21:01.020 --> 00:21:04.120
with because you take care of a parent who has a mental health

382
00:21:04.120 --> 00:21:07.200
issue or a sibling or whatever that is. It's like we almost

383
00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:10.160
have to put those skeletons on parade at this point in the

384
00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:13.540
relationship. Because if they can't handle the worst of us,

385
00:21:13.540 --> 00:21:16.800
then as the saying goes, they don't deserve the best of us.

386
00:21:16.940 --> 00:21:20.200
Like they're not the right person. If they cannot handle

387
00:21:20.200 --> 00:21:23.840
like, you know, our darkness, and they only want our light.

388
00:21:24.160 --> 00:21:27.100
And so I think that really just being honest with him at this

389
00:21:27.520 --> 00:21:32.380
point, about the things that you experience. I think that's

390
00:21:32.380 --> 00:21:38.220
really important. Okay. I was really honest with David about

391
00:21:38.320 --> 00:21:42.800
what I was experiencing and what my fears were. And he showed up

392
00:21:42.800 --> 00:21:45.840
in that space with me. And he continued to show up in that

393
00:21:45.840 --> 00:21:48.720
space with me, because I was really, really sick. After we

394
00:21:48.720 --> 00:21:51.920
got married, I was on I was I was doing well. But then after

395
00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:54.100
we got married, I went through some really stressful things

396
00:21:54.140 --> 00:22:02.240
that really kicked that back in. And David was right there with

397
00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:05.920
me, he was exhausted, he didn't understand, but he was right

398
00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:10.100
there with me through that. Like if I was up all night, because I

399
00:22:10.100 --> 00:22:15.020
wasn't well, he was up all night. And that is the kind of

400
00:22:15.020 --> 00:22:17.860
partner that you have to have in your life, ladies and

401
00:22:17.860 --> 00:22:21.960
gentlemen, if you have something in your life that is

402
00:22:21.960 --> 00:22:25.300
not ideal, but it's just your story right now. It's part of

403
00:22:25.300 --> 00:22:30.260
your story right now. You know, so let them in. Yeah, I don't

404
00:22:30.260 --> 00:22:32.480
think I read everything you wrote. And I just want to tell

405
00:22:32.280 --> 00:22:35.300
you, I feel like it's not time to let him go. I feel like it's

406
00:22:35.300 --> 00:22:42.660
time to let him in deeper. Yeah. So father, we just pray for your

407
00:22:42.660 --> 00:22:45.160
daughter right now, Lord, whatever's causing this flare,

408
00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:48.100
we just ask that her body would come into alignment with the

409
00:22:48.100 --> 00:22:50.780
finished work of the cross. Physically, mentally,

410
00:22:51.120 --> 00:22:54.600
emotionally, Lord, we just declare Shalom, Shalom, over

411
00:22:54.600 --> 00:22:58.360
every cell over every thought. And we ask God that you would

412
00:22:58.360 --> 00:23:02.500
put your supernatural strength in her in this weakness, father

413
00:23:02.500 --> 00:23:05.500
and raise her up. In Jesus name. Amen.

414
00:23:06.260 --> 00:23:07.360
Man, thank you.

415
00:23:07.960 --> 00:23:10.400
We're here. We're here with you, girl, you can show up in between

416
00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:13.800
the smiles. And we all got stuff.

417
00:23:14.420 --> 00:23:14.840
Thank you.

418
00:23:14.980 --> 00:23:16.620
Although you got a great smile, though.

419
00:23:18.940 --> 00:23:22.800
All right. So can I see the hands of people where you have

420
00:23:22.940 --> 00:23:27.700
something that you know, is just true right now in your life that

421
00:23:27.700 --> 00:23:31.180
you wish it wasn't? It's you know, it's fact right now, I

422
00:23:31.180 --> 00:23:34.320
should say the truth is, is that you're healed, you're delivered,

423
00:23:34.600 --> 00:23:36.840
you're set free, whatever it is, but you have something going on

424
00:23:36.840 --> 00:23:40.480
right now, that it would be really difficult for you to, you

425
00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:43.240
know, let someone into a deeper place of vulnerability with that

426
00:23:43.240 --> 00:23:46.160
thing, or to even believe that you're worthy of being chosen or

427
00:23:46.960 --> 00:23:51.440
loved at this place in your life, because of whatever that

428
00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:56.200
is. And we see the hands of people that really feel, you

429
00:23:56.200 --> 00:24:00.280
know, maybe you're really struck a debt doesn't have to be a

430
00:24:00.280 --> 00:24:03.160
physical situation or a mental health situation. It could be

431
00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:07.340
you made some mistakes, you're struggling with debt. Now, you

432
00:24:07.340 --> 00:24:09.900
went through a bad divorce or bankruptcy or something, and

433
00:24:09.900 --> 00:24:12.780
you're embarrassed because your credit score is really low, or

434
00:24:12.780 --> 00:24:15.960
maybe you don't have a car, something that you're just

435
00:24:16.620 --> 00:24:19.580
embarrassed. Maybe you're embarrassed about the state of

436
00:24:20.440 --> 00:24:25.160
your shared parenting agreement. Maybe your former spouse is

437
00:24:25.160 --> 00:24:31.620
really not well, mentally. And you would hate to share the

438
00:24:32.220 --> 00:24:34.380
details of that with anyone because who would want to sign

439
00:24:34.380 --> 00:24:38.440
up for that. Or perhaps it's your children that are really

440
00:24:38.440 --> 00:24:40.600
struggling. Maybe you have adult children that are struggling

441
00:24:40.600 --> 00:24:42.860
with addiction that are struggling with mental health

442
00:24:43.400 --> 00:24:47.220
issues. And you don't feel like anyone would want to partner

443
00:24:47.220 --> 00:24:50.740
with you. So just like I told Jane at the beginning, these are

444
00:24:50.740 --> 00:24:53.900
not things you lead with in relationship, you allow someone

445
00:24:53.900 --> 00:24:56.820
to fall in love with you, before you start telling them all the

446
00:24:56.820 --> 00:24:58.780
reasons why they shouldn't fall in love with you.

447
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:00.880
I was guilty of that.

448
00:25:00.920 --> 00:25:02.600
I tried to lay it out to David.

449
00:25:02.900 --> 00:25:04.100
Hey, these are all the reasons

450
00:25:04.100 --> 00:25:05.560
why you shouldn't fall in love with me.

451
00:25:05.840 --> 00:25:06.680
These are all the reasons

452
00:25:06.680 --> 00:25:08.200
why you shouldn't want to be with me.

453
00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:09.980
I did that on our first date.

454
00:25:10.040 --> 00:25:11.860
I know I tell you guys not to do this,

455
00:25:12.020 --> 00:25:13.120
but we were friends and neighbors,

456
00:25:13.120 --> 00:25:16.060
and we had been friends and neighbors for over four months

457
00:25:16.060 --> 00:25:17.640
before our very first date happened,

458
00:25:17.940 --> 00:25:20.320
before we admitted that we had feelings

459
00:25:20.620 --> 00:25:22.260
beyond friendship for each other.

460
00:25:22.860 --> 00:25:25.960
And I remember showing up to that coffee shop,

461
00:25:25.980 --> 00:25:27.180
and I did not drink coffee,

462
00:25:27.880 --> 00:25:30.440
to tell him all the reasons

463
00:25:30.440 --> 00:25:32.820
why he should not be asking me out on a date,

464
00:25:33.280 --> 00:25:35.160
all the reasons why he should not want

465
00:25:35.160 --> 00:25:37.180
to be romantically entangled with me.

466
00:25:37.960 --> 00:25:41.420
And he wouldn't allow me to say those things.

467
00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:43.240
He had gotten to know me as a person

468
00:25:43.240 --> 00:25:45.060
and as his neighbor and as his friend,

469
00:25:45.440 --> 00:25:47.540
and he liked what he knew about me.

470
00:25:47.640 --> 00:25:52.080
And so we have to allow people to get to know us

471
00:25:52.080 --> 00:25:54.420
before we start telling them all the reasons

472
00:25:54.420 --> 00:25:55.960
why they shouldn't want to know us.

473
00:25:56.660 --> 00:25:57.600
Very, very important.

474
00:25:58.100 --> 00:26:00.880
And so, but in Michelle's case,

475
00:26:00.880 --> 00:26:03.320
it's very different because these people have,

476
00:26:03.380 --> 00:26:08.040
he does know her, he knows as far as he can

477
00:26:08.380 --> 00:26:10.340
what she's dealing with in her body.

478
00:26:11.460 --> 00:26:13.740
And the reason why I say as far as he can,

479
00:26:14.220 --> 00:26:15.260
you never really understand

480
00:26:15.260 --> 00:26:16.560
what someone else is going through

481
00:26:16.560 --> 00:26:18.280
if you haven't experienced it yourself.

482
00:26:18.580 --> 00:26:19.980
You want to have empathy.

483
00:26:20.320 --> 00:26:22.380
And that's why the Bible says that we should weep

484
00:26:22.380 --> 00:26:24.820
with those that weep and rejoice with those that rejoice.

485
00:26:24.820 --> 00:26:27.260
Yes, we don't know what it's like to be in their shoes,

486
00:26:27.640 --> 00:26:30.300
but supernaturally, we can be given empathy,

487
00:26:30.580 --> 00:26:34.320
supernatural empathy to be able to partner with them

488
00:26:34.320 --> 00:26:36.560
and support them even though we don't know

489
00:26:36.560 --> 00:26:37.800
what it's like to be them.

490
00:26:38.420 --> 00:26:40.100
I hope that makes sense to everybody.

491
00:26:40.980 --> 00:26:43.000
Having a special needs child, that's another thing.

492
00:26:43.580 --> 00:26:45.920
If you have a child that is not going to,

493
00:26:46.140 --> 00:26:48.520
without a miracle, ever be independent of you,

494
00:26:49.200 --> 00:26:52.240
then that is not something that you have to lead

495
00:26:52.240 --> 00:26:54.320
on the first couple conversations with.

496
00:26:55.720 --> 00:26:58.220
It's not something that you need to lay out to somebody

497
00:26:58.220 --> 00:27:00.540
what it looks like to be you and live your life.

498
00:27:00.760 --> 00:27:03.260
You need to let them get to know you first.

499
00:27:03.260 --> 00:27:05.660
They're not marrying your situation.

500
00:27:06.420 --> 00:27:07.760
They would be marrying you.

501
00:27:08.180 --> 00:27:10.840
And they can overcome a lot of your situation

502
00:27:11.180 --> 00:27:12.900
if they love you.

503
00:27:13.300 --> 00:27:16.420
And so that's not something that you need to let people know.

504
00:27:16.420 --> 00:27:17.940
Oh, hey, I never get a break.

505
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:18.760
There's no respite.

506
00:27:19.080 --> 00:27:22.160
I talked to a woman today that has a special needs son

507
00:27:22.160 --> 00:27:24.620
and it's been a long time since she's had respite.

508
00:27:25.340 --> 00:27:26.980
And for those of you that don't know,

509
00:27:26.980 --> 00:27:29.180
special needs parents usually do not get a break

510
00:27:29.180 --> 00:27:30.680
if they don't have family,

511
00:27:31.080 --> 00:27:33.420
if they don't have a partner that can help

512
00:27:33.420 --> 00:27:34.980
and you guys can take turns.

513
00:27:35.700 --> 00:27:37.860
Single parents of special needs children

514
00:27:37.860 --> 00:27:41.720
are some of the most exhausted, frazzled,

515
00:27:42.440 --> 00:27:46.100
stressed out, overworked, overwhelmed people on the planet.

516
00:27:46.860 --> 00:27:49.260
And so if you ever want to serve in any capacity,

517
00:27:49.580 --> 00:27:51.320
think about volunteering for an organization

518
00:27:51.320 --> 00:27:55.160
that gives these amazing parents respite,

519
00:27:55.900 --> 00:27:58.900
which means a night away from their child,

520
00:27:59.620 --> 00:28:02.700
a day, a shopping trip, a weekend,

521
00:28:03.320 --> 00:28:05.860
stepping in and being trained in what it takes

522
00:28:05.860 --> 00:28:07.580
to take care of a special needs child.

523
00:28:07.940 --> 00:28:11.140
So that being said, you don't have to start out with,

524
00:28:11.320 --> 00:28:12.040
hey, I don't get a break.

525
00:28:12.060 --> 00:28:13.100
I don't get any respite.

526
00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:14.280
I just want to let you know,

527
00:28:14.280 --> 00:28:18.540
if you sign up to be with me, then this is a prison.

528
00:28:18.800 --> 00:28:20.500
You're going to join me in prison.

529
00:28:20.500 --> 00:28:22.920
And if that's the way that you feel about your life,

530
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:24.620
we need to get a different perspective

531
00:28:24.620 --> 00:28:26.500
because I believe that God has help for you.

532
00:28:26.780 --> 00:28:30.020
I do, I believe that God has help, helpers for you.

533
00:28:30.080 --> 00:28:32.660
He has people he wants to bring alongside you to help you.

534
00:28:32.820 --> 00:28:34.540
You need to start asking for help.

535
00:28:34.580 --> 00:28:36.640
You need to start looking for help.

536
00:28:37.040 --> 00:28:40.520
I remember very clearly, I might have a picture of her.

537
00:28:41.700 --> 00:28:44.900
One of our guys that got married in this community,

538
00:28:45.800 --> 00:28:47.840
he wanted to date his trainer

539
00:28:49.700 --> 00:28:53.580
and he was really kind of like puppy love with his trainer,

540
00:28:53.780 --> 00:28:55.740
very infatuated with his trainer at the gym,

541
00:28:55.860 --> 00:28:57.200
the person that trains him at the gym.

542
00:28:57.440 --> 00:28:59.640
And he wasn't sure if she was a believer or not.

543
00:28:59.720 --> 00:29:01.560
He just really wanted to ask her on a date.

544
00:29:01.620 --> 00:29:03.200
And I was like, bro, shoot your shot.

545
00:29:03.760 --> 00:29:05.060
Go ahead, do it.

546
00:29:05.360 --> 00:29:06.660
I mean, what's the worst that can happen?

547
00:29:07.260 --> 00:29:07.820
You know, go ahead.

548
00:29:08.020 --> 00:29:09.820
So he did, and she said yes.

549
00:29:09.820 --> 00:29:12.440
And they ended up having a series of dates

550
00:29:12.580 --> 00:29:14.060
and he was just smitten.

551
00:29:14.260 --> 00:29:16.620
He was a smitten kitten with her.

552
00:29:17.220 --> 00:29:21.520
And very soon after they started dating,

553
00:29:21.740 --> 00:29:23.620
he already knew that she had a special needs son,

554
00:29:24.240 --> 00:29:25.520
a son that without a miracle

555
00:29:25.520 --> 00:29:27.420
is not going to live independently from her.

556
00:29:27.420 --> 00:29:30.080
And he's older, he's 18, 19 years old.

557
00:29:30.800 --> 00:29:32.600
And he didn't care about that.

558
00:29:32.900 --> 00:29:34.800
He's the kind of guy that wouldn't care about that,

559
00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:37.720
but she could not understand that.

560
00:29:38.160 --> 00:29:42.720
She was not able to receive that type of affirmation

561
00:29:42.840 --> 00:29:45.680
or that, you know, he was very marriage-minded

562
00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:47.740
and she didn't want to date him anymore

563
00:29:47.740 --> 00:29:48.980
because he was marriage-minded.

564
00:29:50.280 --> 00:29:51.440
And this was her mindset.

565
00:29:52.220 --> 00:29:56.560
I do not want to make anyone else

566
00:29:56.880 --> 00:29:59.240
live the life that I have to live.

567
00:30:02.940 --> 00:30:06.540
I don't want anyone to join me in prison.

568
00:30:07.080 --> 00:30:09.860
And the reason why I know this is because she actually became my

569
00:30:09.860 --> 00:30:10.100
trainer.

570
00:30:10.320 --> 00:30:12.160
So this is, these are local people.

571
00:30:12.160 --> 00:30:15.340
And I ended up starting to work out at that gym as well and hiring her

572
00:30:15.340 --> 00:30:16.100
to be my trainer.

573
00:30:16.680 --> 00:30:19.860
And so when she stopped seeing him very short relationship,

574
00:30:20.240 --> 00:30:21.720
just a few, just a few dates.

575
00:30:22.080 --> 00:30:25.320
But that was the reason why is she knew he wanted to get married

576
00:30:25.860 --> 00:30:26.300
someday.

577
00:30:26.300 --> 00:30:26.300


578
00:30:26.300 --> 00:30:26.300


579
00:30:26.300 --> 00:30:26.300


580
00:30:27.220 --> 00:30:31.240
And she never wanted to marry. She said to me, I'm never going to marry.

581
00:30:31.920 --> 00:30:32.720
I'm not going to marry.

582
00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:35.240
She got divorced a few years after her son was born.

583
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:36.960
Because the.

584
00:30:38.320 --> 00:30:42.040
The diagnosis of her son actually, you know,

585
00:30:42.360 --> 00:30:44.140
destroyed the marriage like that happens a lot.

586
00:30:44.540 --> 00:30:47.160
With children that are ill or children that have special needs,

587
00:30:47.160 --> 00:30:49.960
the stress of it actually caused the marriage to disintegrate.

588
00:30:50.880 --> 00:30:53.340
And so she wasn't ever going to get remarried. Well,

589
00:30:53.340 --> 00:30:55.340
I'm happy to tell you that I started.

590
00:30:56.560 --> 00:30:59.800
I started working out with her. Like she started being my trainer.

591
00:31:00.140 --> 00:31:02.900
And I was like, you're amazing. You're going to get remarried.

592
00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:05.500
And I would just so little seeds of, you know,

593
00:31:05.500 --> 00:31:08.160
there are people out there that wouldn't see it as a prison to marry

594
00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:10.060
you. They would see it as a privilege to marry you.

595
00:31:10.060 --> 00:31:12.180
And just little things here and there and here and there.

596
00:31:12.620 --> 00:31:15.660
And I'm so happy to tell you that she is happily married.

597
00:31:15.660 --> 00:31:20.480
She is married to an amazing man. He's got two sons of his own and,

598
00:31:21.100 --> 00:31:21.100


599
00:31:21.260 --> 00:31:24.460
her son loves his brothers that he has now,

600
00:31:24.460 --> 00:31:27.080
and he's so patient and kind with her son.

601
00:31:27.120 --> 00:31:29.660
And he does not see it as, you know,

602
00:31:29.780 --> 00:31:35.220
any kind of problem or something he has to deal with because he wants

603
00:31:35.220 --> 00:31:36.000
to be with her.

604
00:31:36.380 --> 00:31:41.420
Sees it as an honor to be her husband and to be her son's bonus dad.

605
00:31:41.440 --> 00:31:43.680
And you guys, come on.

606
00:31:43.680 --> 00:31:43.700
I don't know. I don't know what to say.

607
00:31:43.700 --> 00:31:43.700


608
00:31:43.700 --> 00:31:43.700


609
00:31:43.820 --> 00:31:46.760
There are people out there. So whatever your situation is,

610
00:31:46.760 --> 00:31:49.180
that makes you, makes you feel like you're unlovable.

611
00:31:49.620 --> 00:31:50.860
You lie into yourself.

612
00:31:51.680 --> 00:31:52.440
You are.

613
00:31:53.020 --> 00:31:56.680
And no one else is going to be able to break that lie.

614
00:31:56.680 --> 00:32:01.160
You have to break it first so that you can attract the truth.

615
00:32:02.020 --> 00:32:05.660
You have to come out of agreement with that lie before the truth is

616
00:32:05.660 --> 00:32:08.120
going to be shown to you.

617
00:32:08.660 --> 00:32:09.800
Cool. All right.

618
00:32:10.180 --> 00:32:14.160
Long story there jumped in, wanted to tell you, Caitlin, are you here?

619
00:32:16.020 --> 00:32:17.160
I see you.

620
00:32:17.740 --> 00:32:20.160
I'm going to put you on the screen with me.

621
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:21.780
Yes, I am.

622
00:32:22.660 --> 00:32:23.220
Okay.

623
00:32:23.220 --> 00:32:23.240
Okay.

624
00:32:24.660 --> 00:32:29.380
Make sure your video is on and I'm going to.

625
00:32:30.820 --> 00:32:32.120
My video is on.

626
00:32:33.720 --> 00:32:36.640
I I'm looking for you. Oh, there you are. Okay.

627
00:32:39.460 --> 00:32:40.040
Hi.

628
00:32:41.420 --> 00:32:42.000
Hi.

629
00:32:42.780 --> 00:32:43.100
All right.

630
00:32:43.100 --> 00:32:43.200
Okay.

631
00:32:43.780 --> 00:32:47.080
I have your question here.

632
00:32:47.900 --> 00:32:48.820
Tell me what you have.

633
00:32:49.500 --> 00:32:51.580
I mean, tell everyone what you, what you have,

634
00:32:51.760 --> 00:32:52.980
what you were going to ask me.

635
00:32:53.800 --> 00:32:58.380
Yes. I need to ask you if my situation with this guy is toxic.

636
00:32:59.140 --> 00:33:03.500
Or if it turned toxic suddenly, I started seeing this guy.

637
00:33:04.060 --> 00:33:06.240
We went on three dates.

638
00:33:06.880 --> 00:33:10.180
And I noticed that during our dates, he would talk a lot.

639
00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:13.960
And he wouldn't necessarily affirm me or ask follow-up questions.

640
00:33:15.960 --> 00:33:17.000
And then.

641
00:33:18.060 --> 00:33:20.260
I didn't really say much about it.

642
00:33:20.820 --> 00:33:25.280
And I decided to not see him again, but a lot of people, my community,

643
00:33:25.380 --> 00:33:28.240
including this community, like give them a chance, bring it up to him.

644
00:33:28.820 --> 00:33:29.340
So.

645
00:33:30.100 --> 00:33:32.100
I reconnected with him, brought it up.

646
00:33:32.100 --> 00:33:35.520
And he made a better effort at asking me questions.

647
00:33:36.640 --> 00:33:39.700
I think we went on two dates after that, in which I felt like, oh,

648
00:33:39.700 --> 00:33:42.060
he's very attentive and whatnot.

649
00:33:43.020 --> 00:33:44.300
And I think.

650
00:33:45.060 --> 00:33:49.360
Recently he asked me let's go on a road trip or let's go on a Saturday

651
00:33:49.960 --> 00:33:52.860
upstate New York road trip. And I decided.

652
00:33:53.360 --> 00:33:56.720
That I didn't feel comfortable. Like something felt like, okay, let's,

653
00:33:56.880 --> 00:33:59.440
can we wait a while? Can we wait a couple of months before we do that?

654
00:34:00.500 --> 00:34:04.820
I think a part of me felt like if he goes back to being the guy who.

655
00:34:05.260 --> 00:34:07.420
Talks a lot about himself.

656
00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:07.820
Girl.

657
00:34:08.380 --> 00:34:10.580
Captive audience in that car.

658
00:34:10.980 --> 00:34:11.760
I know. Right.

659
00:34:12.280 --> 00:34:12.920
I know.

660
00:34:13.719 --> 00:34:14.560
Even though we had two.

661
00:34:16.120 --> 00:34:17.699
Even though we had two good dates.

662
00:34:17.900 --> 00:34:21.900
Sometimes in our phone conversation, he would spend like 90 or 95% of the

663
00:34:21.900 --> 00:34:22.120
time.

664
00:34:22.120 --> 00:34:24.659
Talking about like his perspective and his thoughts straight through.

665
00:34:24.840 --> 00:34:27.100
And I was just kind of being gracious.

666
00:34:27.100 --> 00:34:30.540
And I think recently we had a date on Sunday.

667
00:34:30.900 --> 00:34:33.920
I asked him to come to my part of New York, which is very Asian.

668
00:34:34.179 --> 00:34:37.420
I wanted to see like some part of my culture to see how he would feel

669
00:34:37.420 --> 00:34:38.080
about that.

670
00:34:39.739 --> 00:34:41.520
And when we sat down.

671
00:34:41.900 --> 00:34:44.380
To eat dessert. He, he told me that.

672
00:34:44.739 --> 00:34:48.620
He didn't know how you feel about dating me because he likes like

673
00:34:48.620 --> 00:34:51.280
traveling and he likes going to museums. And I, I just said to him,

674
00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:53.440
like, I'm not really interested in going to museums,

675
00:34:53.719 --> 00:34:55.980
but like I would never go, I wouldn't say I would never go,

676
00:34:55.980 --> 00:34:57.980
but I'm just not super interested. And he said, well,

677
00:34:58.560 --> 00:34:59.760
these things are really part.

678
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.160
part of my identity. And if you don't like those things, then

679
00:35:03.160 --> 00:35:04.740
maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore.

680
00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:11.360
And I was like, okay, and I just said to him, you know, if that's

681
00:35:11.360 --> 00:35:16.200
how you feel, I can hear that. And, you know, um, I think I

682
00:35:16.200 --> 00:35:18.580
just what is he an archaeologist? Is he Indiana

683
00:35:18.580 --> 00:35:21.380
Jones? I mean, why is he got to go to museums all the time?

684
00:35:21.680 --> 00:35:26.480
He's, he's, he's a really creative talking about, like

685
00:35:26.480 --> 00:35:30.000
every day, like, like what once a month, twice a month? Like

686
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:31.800
what? How often are we going to a museum?

687
00:35:32.940 --> 00:35:37.260
I think he just really wants to be with somebody. That's how I

688
00:35:37.260 --> 00:35:40.680
feel too. Like once you go to a museum, you can't like, I don't

689
00:35:40.680 --> 00:35:44.240
I wouldn't want to go back for another few years. After I go

690
00:35:44.860 --> 00:35:48.340
once. And what's really interesting that I started

691
00:35:48.340 --> 00:35:51.660
talking to him about, like how I felt like we were going

692
00:35:51.660 --> 00:35:54.020
somewhere. And then all of a sudden, he grabs my hand, and

693
00:35:54.020 --> 00:35:56.960
he just gets really interested in me. And he starts like

694
00:35:56.960 --> 00:35:59.000
kissing me. And then at one point in time, he says to me,

695
00:35:59.080 --> 00:36:03.040
like, like, right now, you know, if you if you ever want to like

696
00:36:03.040 --> 00:36:06.540
climb on top of me, and you could just do whatever you want.

697
00:36:06.540 --> 00:36:08.400
I'm like, what is going on with this guy?

698
00:36:09.460 --> 00:36:14.360
Okay, so first of all, he grabs your hands started kissing you.

699
00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:17.320
Like, did you want to be kissed?

700
00:36:18.300 --> 00:36:22.520
We were holding hands for a while. I think later on, we had

701
00:36:22.520 --> 00:36:25.700
a conversation on the phone about what happened and how he

702
00:36:25.700 --> 00:36:28.880
suddenly went from wanting to not see me anymore to like,

703
00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:33.380
being interested all of a sudden, and then he, he was

704
00:36:33.380 --> 00:36:36.440
actually also getting sexually aroused to like, like he was

705
00:36:36.440 --> 00:36:40.780
trying to hide it. And on our phone conversation, his

706
00:36:40.940 --> 00:36:44.440
personality change. It's like, he started yelling at me like, I

707
00:36:44.440 --> 00:36:49.360
wanted you to fight for us. I wanted you to say why we should

708
00:36:49.360 --> 00:36:52.800
be together. And you started to remind me, can you remind me

709
00:36:52.800 --> 00:36:54.800
again, how many dates you've had with this person?

710
00:36:55.260 --> 00:37:01.040
We probably had about maybe, like seven in person dates, but

711
00:37:01.040 --> 00:37:03.380
we spent like a lot of time talking on the phone,

712
00:37:04.100 --> 00:37:04.520
connecting.

713
00:37:04.860 --> 00:37:07.140
Well, you mean you spent a lot of time listening on the phone?

714
00:37:07.720 --> 00:37:11.900
On the phone, we were mostly like 5050. I like we did pretty

715
00:37:11.940 --> 00:37:13.280
well, sometimes.

716
00:37:13.280 --> 00:37:18.640
Mm hmm. What, what, first of all, what you're what you're

717
00:37:18.640 --> 00:37:23.060
describing is very anxious attachment type of stuff. And,

718
00:37:23.120 --> 00:37:25.740
yeah, it's really unhealthy. Did you say this guy was a

719
00:37:25.180 --> 00:37:32.140
believer? Yep. Like a believer, like a practicing believer, he

720
00:37:32.140 --> 00:37:35.140
has, he has faith, and he also has a relationship with God.

721
00:37:36.040 --> 00:37:36.460
Yep.

722
00:37:38.460 --> 00:37:39.020
Well,

723
00:37:39.020 --> 00:37:39.020


724
00:37:39.020 --> 00:37:39.020


725
00:37:39.020 --> 00:37:39.020


726
00:37:39.020 --> 00:37:46.200
know. The whole anytime you want to climb on top of me comment is

727
00:37:46.320 --> 00:37:51.940
is not is is not chivalrous, first of all, and definitely not

728
00:37:52.240 --> 00:37:58.220
a man who is has self control. So yeah, I think that so you're

729
00:37:58.220 --> 00:38:01.880
asking me if I see red flags in this? Yeah, I do. I see a lot of

730
00:38:01.880 --> 00:38:04.460
red flags in it. Let me ask you a question. What are you

731
00:38:04.460 --> 00:38:08.960
attracted to about this guy? Oh, you're even just showing up

732
00:38:08.960 --> 00:38:11.940
here even wanting to know if you should continue what what what

733
00:38:12.200 --> 00:38:13.120
what's the draw?

734
00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:16.360
I think there's certain things about him that I am attracted

735
00:38:16.360 --> 00:38:20.280
to like, like, I do think that he is serious about his faith

736
00:38:20.280 --> 00:38:25.880
except for his one comment about me. Maybe there are more of

737
00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:28.360
those to come if I should stay around. I know that in our last

738
00:38:28.360 --> 00:38:32.540
conversation, over the phone, he started to put me down

739
00:38:32.540 --> 00:38:35.700
because I wanted to date slowly, even though we're spending five

740
00:38:35.720 --> 00:38:41.320
hours together. When you sit down, but what what? Give us a

741
00:38:41.320 --> 00:38:44.320
sample of what that Yeah, yeah, like, like you want to date at

742
00:38:44.320 --> 00:38:47.280
the slow pace. It's not normal. There's like a certain way that

743
00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:49.400
people date and you don't know that and you're not following

744
00:38:49.400 --> 00:38:51.620
that everybody knows the way that you're supposed to date. We

745
00:38:51.620 --> 00:38:54.360
had to wait I had to wait for you and had to do it on your

746
00:38:54.360 --> 00:38:56.000
the timing and it's so slow.

747
00:38:58.480 --> 00:39:02.520
Look, you need to release this one back into the sea. with

748
00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:07.160
gratitude. Okay, with gratitude that he showed you really early

749
00:39:07.160 --> 00:39:10.860
on celly seven dates in what you're dealing with here. Okay.

750
00:39:11.440 --> 00:39:15.500
Because the exhausting you with his words and pressuring you

751
00:39:15.500 --> 00:39:18.920
with his words and belittling you with his words. That was gas

752
00:39:18.920 --> 00:39:21.660
lighting, by the way, gas lighting one on one. That is

753
00:39:21.660 --> 00:39:25.300
that's, that's more of that to come for sure. And it's going to

754
00:39:25.300 --> 00:39:29.980
get worse. So definitely thank God that your God defended and

755
00:39:29.980 --> 00:39:32.920
that you saw what you need to see. You saw what you need to

756
00:39:32.840 --> 00:39:36.480
see. Now, it sounds like you are attracted to him at some level.

757
00:39:36.780 --> 00:39:42.840
And so the, the onus is on you to give a clean break and just

758
00:39:42.840 --> 00:39:46.720
not talk to him anymore and not let him, you know, try to talk

759
00:39:46.720 --> 00:39:48.400
you into another chance.

760
00:39:48.900 --> 00:39:54.300
I think I'm done at this point, because he was furious. I think

761
00:39:54.300 --> 00:39:58.440
I'm done. You said no, no, I let me explain. Let me explain what

762
00:39:58.440 --> 00:39:59.980
I'm gonna say, because this is pretty important.

763
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.500
And I invited him to my neighborhood,

764
00:40:03.640 --> 00:40:04.600
which was pretty Asian.

765
00:40:04.760 --> 00:40:05.600
And after the date,

766
00:40:05.600 --> 00:40:07.580
he was not happy that he came to my neighborhood.

767
00:40:08.740 --> 00:40:11.040
He's not Asian, he's of a different race.

768
00:40:11.160 --> 00:40:13.780
The fact that he ranted and was really upset

769
00:40:13.940 --> 00:40:15.480
that we didn't go on his trip

770
00:40:15.480 --> 00:40:18.260
and that he had to spend the evening in my neighborhood

771
00:40:18.360 --> 00:40:19.640
of a different ethnicity,

772
00:40:19.840 --> 00:40:22.520
like I cannot be in a relationship with a person

773
00:40:22.520 --> 00:40:26.000
who cannot appreciate being in a neighborhood full of Asians.

774
00:40:26.280 --> 00:40:27.700
Like, I just can't.

775
00:40:27.860 --> 00:40:29.260
He didn't make a racist comment,

776
00:40:29.260 --> 00:40:32.580
but like just how furious he was at being in this place

777
00:40:32.580 --> 00:40:34.560
just kind of threw up some red flags.

778
00:40:36.420 --> 00:40:37.060
Oh yeah.

779
00:40:38.160 --> 00:40:39.020
All the flags.

780
00:40:39.200 --> 00:40:42.260
Girl, you're in the middle of a fricking parade of flags.

781
00:40:42.920 --> 00:40:44.600
Okay, so yes, definitely.

782
00:40:44.680 --> 00:40:46.240
All of these things and that you're right,

783
00:40:46.300 --> 00:40:47.280
that's just the icing on the cake,

784
00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:49.520
but I need, I really need as your coach

785
00:40:49.520 --> 00:40:51.840
to hear you not say, I think I'm done.

786
00:40:51.940 --> 00:40:53.100
I really want to just hear you say it.

787
00:40:53.300 --> 00:40:53.720
I'm done.

788
00:40:53.740 --> 00:40:54.400
I'm done.

789
00:40:55.300 --> 00:40:56.600
I'm actually officially done.

790
00:40:56.680 --> 00:40:58.840
And what's really interesting is that

791
00:40:58.840 --> 00:41:01.080
right before I went on the date with him on Sunday,

792
00:41:01.160 --> 00:41:03.880
I said to the Lord, like, if this isn't something of you,

793
00:41:03.920 --> 00:41:04.980
like let it be shown,

794
00:41:05.700 --> 00:41:07.520
let the things that need to be shown be shown.

795
00:41:07.820 --> 00:41:08.800
And if this is of you,

796
00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:11.040
then let the things that need to be shown show that as well.

797
00:41:11.260 --> 00:41:12.440
And God answered my prayer.

798
00:41:14.080 --> 00:41:15.020
He certainly did.

799
00:41:15.120 --> 00:41:16.340
Now, where do you live at?

800
00:41:16.620 --> 00:41:17.560
New York City.

801
00:41:19.240 --> 00:41:19.600
NYC.

802
00:41:21.880 --> 00:41:22.240
Okay.

803
00:41:22.700 --> 00:41:23.620
Write that down.

804
00:41:24.940 --> 00:41:25.300
Okay.

805
00:41:25.300 --> 00:41:27.160
A thousand percent.

806
00:41:27.300 --> 00:41:27.560
Yes.

807
00:41:27.560 --> 00:41:29.020
I'm so proud of you.

808
00:41:29.380 --> 00:41:29.820
Yes.

809
00:41:29.920 --> 00:41:31.340
You're choosing yourself here.

810
00:41:31.560 --> 00:41:32.560
You need to.

811
00:41:33.080 --> 00:41:34.460
Gentlemen and ladies, both.

812
00:41:34.600 --> 00:41:35.320
I just want to let you know,

813
00:41:35.340 --> 00:41:37.560
just let's go back to something that was a yellow flag

814
00:41:37.560 --> 00:41:38.120
that she said.

815
00:41:38.180 --> 00:41:39.980
Now, of course there's lots of red flags here.

816
00:41:40.120 --> 00:41:42.620
So I'm not, don't hear what I'm not saying.

817
00:41:42.640 --> 00:41:46.480
I'm not going back in her story to say, oh, well, you know,

818
00:41:46.540 --> 00:41:47.240
maybe it's okay.

819
00:41:47.240 --> 00:41:48.800
No, it's a hundred percent not okay.

820
00:41:49.020 --> 00:41:50.560
She just said that she's done.

821
00:41:50.940 --> 00:41:51.300
That's great.

822
00:41:52.160 --> 00:41:54.880
But the very first thing that she mentioned about him,

823
00:41:54.880 --> 00:41:56.000
the over-talking.

824
00:41:57.240 --> 00:41:59.020
So many people do this.

825
00:42:00.020 --> 00:42:02.320
So many men, especially no offense, guys.

826
00:42:02.440 --> 00:42:04.600
There's a lot of ladies that over-talk as well.

827
00:42:04.860 --> 00:42:05.400
I shouldn't say a lot.

828
00:42:05.540 --> 00:42:07.480
There's some ladies that over-talk as well,

829
00:42:07.860 --> 00:42:10.460
but there's a lot of men over-talkers.

830
00:42:10.660 --> 00:42:13.080
One of the number one complaints I hear from women is

831
00:42:13.080 --> 00:42:14.960
he talked the entire time.

832
00:42:15.300 --> 00:42:17.200
I couldn't get a word in edgewise.

833
00:42:17.500 --> 00:42:19.940
He didn't ask me any questions about myself.

834
00:42:20.640 --> 00:42:23.640
I basically was his captive audience to hear what he thought

835
00:42:23.640 --> 00:42:24.900
about everything in the world.

836
00:42:26.380 --> 00:42:29.220
And even when I would say something back,

837
00:42:29.560 --> 00:42:31.820
he wouldn't have a conversation with me.

838
00:42:31.860 --> 00:42:35.040
He would just start talking again about whatever it was

839
00:42:35.040 --> 00:42:36.880
that he wanted to talk about.

840
00:42:38.760 --> 00:42:40.420
Gentlemen, this is not okay.

841
00:42:40.580 --> 00:42:44.100
And this is, if you do this, this is why you're single.

842
00:42:45.500 --> 00:42:47.060
It's a hundred percent why you're single.

843
00:42:47.540 --> 00:42:49.680
I have a father-in-law that does this.

844
00:42:49.680 --> 00:42:50.300
I love him.

845
00:42:50.340 --> 00:42:51.140
He's David's dad.

846
00:42:51.140 --> 00:42:51.700
I love him.

847
00:42:51.700 --> 00:42:53.380
I really love him, okay?

848
00:42:53.800 --> 00:42:55.300
Because I'm in family with him.

849
00:42:55.460 --> 00:42:56.580
Now, if he was a stranger

850
00:42:56.580 --> 00:42:58.220
and I was forced to try to get to know him,

851
00:42:58.220 --> 00:43:01.240
I'd say, oh, he's a sweet little old man, but oof.

852
00:43:01.240 --> 00:43:05.120
But I will tell you that I do not ride in the car with him.

853
00:43:06.520 --> 00:43:07.320
I don't.

854
00:43:07.420 --> 00:43:09.420
When my husband takes him to church with us,

855
00:43:09.440 --> 00:43:11.400
he goes to church with us a few times a month.

856
00:43:11.420 --> 00:43:14.000
Cause you know, when he feels like it, he's 85 years old.

857
00:43:14.520 --> 00:43:15.780
I drive separately.

858
00:43:17.340 --> 00:43:19.560
Because when I tell you he does not take a breath,

859
00:43:20.080 --> 00:43:21.540
he does not take a breath.

860
00:43:21.580 --> 00:43:23.080
And that might seem rude to you.

861
00:43:23.100 --> 00:43:24.800
And you're like, well, Jackie, just make the sacrifice.

862
00:43:24.980 --> 00:43:28.340
Well, I will at lunch after church, I'll make the sacrifice,

863
00:43:28.580 --> 00:43:31.080
but I'm not going to be captive in a car for an hour

864
00:43:31.520 --> 00:43:33.680
with someone talking a blue streak.

865
00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:36.780
I just can't, I can't do it.

866
00:43:37.960 --> 00:43:40.120
And so I just want to let you guys know

867
00:43:40.120 --> 00:43:42.420
that talking at people and not talking to them,

868
00:43:42.420 --> 00:43:43.220
it's not okay.

869
00:43:43.220 --> 00:43:46.140
And it's quite possible that it is part

870
00:43:46.140 --> 00:43:49.160
of being alone so much, living alone, being alone.

871
00:43:49.360 --> 00:43:52.300
It could stem from not having enough friends

872
00:43:52.300 --> 00:43:53.520
and not enough community.

873
00:43:53.740 --> 00:43:55.560
And you like save up all your words

874
00:43:55.560 --> 00:43:57.960
and then you use them.

875
00:43:58.100 --> 00:44:02.400
But this is not something that is okay.

876
00:44:03.200 --> 00:44:05.080
And if you do this on dates,

877
00:44:05.960 --> 00:44:09.140
you're going to drive whoever it is that you're seeing

878
00:44:09.140 --> 00:44:10.400
on that date away.

879
00:44:10.540 --> 00:44:12.800
So ladies, you will do it if it's you doing it.

880
00:44:12.980 --> 00:44:15.220
Men, you will definitely do it if it's you doing it.

881
00:44:15.860 --> 00:44:16.020
Okay.

882
00:44:16.360 --> 00:44:18.580
So let's get to the bottom of why you over-talk,

883
00:44:19.740 --> 00:44:21.360
why you don't know how to have a conversation,

884
00:44:21.600 --> 00:44:22.780
which is a two-way thing.

885
00:44:23.700 --> 00:44:27.780
I talk, you answer, you tell me your thoughts,

886
00:44:28.120 --> 00:44:29.720
and then I respond.

887
00:44:30.740 --> 00:44:32.280
That's how a conversation works.

888
00:44:32.780 --> 00:44:35.300
I ask you a question, you answer it.

889
00:44:35.340 --> 00:44:37.500
You ask me a question, I answer it.

890
00:44:37.980 --> 00:44:40.220
All right, I'm not, Caitlin, you obviously know,

891
00:44:40.620 --> 00:44:42.080
but I'm just telling everybody

892
00:44:42.080 --> 00:44:44.340
because this is really beautiful thing that you brought up

893
00:44:44.340 --> 00:44:46.060
in this scenario with this man

894
00:44:46.360 --> 00:44:49.120
that is true of a lot of people.

895
00:44:50.220 --> 00:44:52.000
And so thank you for bringing that to us.

896
00:44:52.240 --> 00:44:54.680
All right, so you're back on the market, full throttle,

897
00:44:54.920 --> 00:44:56.260
not that you weren't, but you are.

898
00:44:56.460 --> 00:44:59.280
And so I believe that this experience

899
00:44:59.280 --> 00:44:59.980
is going to accelerate.

900
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:08.120
you. Do you believe that? I think so. I think it helped me see that when people cross major

901
00:45:08.120 --> 00:45:12.340
boundaries, you really need to back off. I have a quick question for you. What's the

902
00:45:12.340 --> 00:45:15.800
proper way to break it off? I haven't broken it off with him yet.

903
00:45:18.500 --> 00:45:22.900
You have in the past kind of broached the subject like, well, it was, he was the one

904
00:45:22.900 --> 00:45:27.060
that said, Hey, he's the one that brought up first. Hey, I don't think we're a match.

905
00:45:28.080 --> 00:45:33.080
And of course he was like, museums are my identity. Okay. I've never heard that one

906
00:45:32.980 --> 00:45:38.520
before, but he was the one that brought that up first. God bless him, Lord help your son.

907
00:45:38.880 --> 00:45:45.420
But at the same time you can use his own words with, you know, with him, you can say, Hey,

908
00:45:45.500 --> 00:45:50.040
I really appreciate the dates. Um, thanks for allowing me to get to know you and getting

909
00:45:50.040 --> 00:45:54.440
to know me, but I don't think that we're a match. And so I, I don't want to go out anymore.

910
00:45:54.440 --> 00:45:58.620
And then that's it. He doesn't get to break you. He doesn't get to show up and say whatever

911
00:45:58.740 --> 00:46:03.320
he wants with this kind of person. Unfortunately, you're going to have to like, probably bless

912
00:46:03.320 --> 00:46:07.020
them and block them. Cause I don't feel like he's going to let you have the last word.

913
00:46:08.080 --> 00:46:15.420
Like texts. Oh yes. If you see him in person, he's just going to, who knows what he's capable

914
00:46:15.420 --> 00:46:23.620
of. He's a very, um, what's it called? Unpredictable person. And so just with the, Oh, I don't

915
00:46:23.620 --> 00:46:27.360
want to kiss you. No, I just, I think he's unpredictable. And I think that I, if I were

916
00:46:27.360 --> 00:46:30.340
you, I mean, you're only seven dates in, it's not like you were engaged to be married. Just

917
00:46:30.340 --> 00:46:35.720
go ahead and, and text him and say, Hey, I've been really thinking about this. And there

918
00:46:35.720 --> 00:46:39.760
have been things that have happened, you know, on our dates that I just really don't feel

919
00:46:39.760 --> 00:46:40.360
comfortable with.

920
00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:44.060
I don't think we're right for each other. Like you said, already, we're not a match.

921
00:46:44.360 --> 00:46:50.260
And so thank you for your time and getting to know you, but this is, you know, I don't

922
00:46:50.260 --> 00:46:55.860
want to continue to see you. And then don't let him berate you. Don't let him come back.

923
00:46:56.440 --> 00:47:00.820
Don't let him sweet talk you and try to get back in. And also don't let him try to, to

924
00:47:00.820 --> 00:47:05.760
badger you and get back. I think was how we left our last conversation. He has a lot more

925
00:47:05.760 --> 00:47:13.180
anger to share with me. Anger. No, don't allow it. Bless them and block them. Bless them.

926
00:47:13.360 --> 00:47:19.140
Block, block, block. Okay. All right. Keep us posted. Please show up in the group and,

927
00:47:19.140 --> 00:47:26.120
and post in there and tag me so that I can see it. Thank you. All right. Yes. I'm coming

928
00:47:26.380 --> 00:47:33.180
to New York, by the way. I, I have a couple, you guys, I'm going back to Jersey early next

929
00:47:33.180 --> 00:47:37.280
year, very early next year, right after the new year, sometime between winter and spring,

930
00:47:37.540 --> 00:47:42.360
I will be in New York, New Jersey, and long Island. So if you live in those areas, please

931
00:47:42.360 --> 00:47:49.700
watch jackiedorman.com the events page. We will be posting about those conferences, singles

932
00:47:51.120 --> 00:47:58.120
gatherings that we will be doing there in those areas. Excited to see all of you guys.

933
00:47:58.340 --> 00:48:02.780
You know that that's one of my favorite places to go. I love it. I love New York city and

934
00:48:02.780 --> 00:48:07.780
now I love Jersey and I've never been to long Island. So that's going to be great. I need

935
00:48:07.780 --> 00:48:12.080
to get like an accent, the long Island thing. Does anyone have a long Island accent? We

936
00:48:12.080 --> 00:48:22.820
can hear it real quick. I know it's like really noticeable. All right. All right. Those

937
00:48:22.820 --> 00:48:25.980
were all the people that wanted to get in the love seat. So let's do a popcorn round.

938
00:48:26.100 --> 00:48:35.600
We have about 15 minutes left. I'm going to un spotlight myself. All right. You guys,

939
00:48:35.760 --> 00:48:41.800
that's good advice. I don't care who you are. All of that. Love it. Ask Jackie's one of

940
00:48:41.800 --> 00:48:51.140
my favorite things. Lily, what's your question? Okay. So I posted in the group and was suggested

941
00:48:51.140 --> 00:48:59.720
to jump on. I'm trying to figure out, there is someone that I met last week and we've

942
00:48:59.720 --> 00:49:12.080
had three dates. We talk on the phone and I asked him about just the last week connected

943
00:49:12.080 --> 00:49:18.660
in February and he decided to move on, move forward with someone who lived closer. We

944
00:49:18.660 --> 00:49:25.360
live an hour and a half away. And so I asked what happened and what he learned from the

945
00:49:27.550 --> 00:49:37.930
he brought up that it got, he just made a bad choice and they got to the point where

946
00:49:37.930 --> 00:49:43.670
they ended up going to court. And so I kind of left it alone because it was probably like

947
00:49:43.670 --> 00:49:49.350
that was in the first conversation we had after reconnecting. So now I'm trying to figure

948
00:49:49.350 --> 00:49:59.970
out if, if, and when I should ask and I not trying to pry. So not too sure how to handle

949
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.820
that? Um, I would just not ever talk to him again. I mean, God literally is showing you what you need

950
00:50:07.820 --> 00:50:13.240
to see. You don't need the details of it. Uh, I feel like you probably like a lot of women have

951
00:50:13.440 --> 00:50:20.080
a mercy gift where empathy can get overextended and you don't, that's just a massive distraction,

952
00:50:20.280 --> 00:50:26.400
honestly, in my opinion. Okay. I would just stay the course. It was great. It was like a gift from

953
00:50:26.500 --> 00:50:32.360
heaven that he decided to move on with someone else and not you. So thank God. And let's keep

954
00:50:32.360 --> 00:50:41.600
moving forward. Okay. Cause that sounds like a big can of worms. Okay. Cause we have another,

955
00:50:41.900 --> 00:50:46.920
we have another person somewhere in our community where, you know, they were dating someone who got

956
00:50:46.920 --> 00:50:51.940
involved in some sort of court case because of a mistake they made. And who knows really what that

957
00:50:52.010 --> 00:50:58.070
but I gave them the exact same advice because whether it's criminal, whether it's civil,

958
00:50:58.810 --> 00:51:04.590
it just sounds. And, and, and, and the fact that they're saying, and in this case is true in this

959
00:51:04.590 --> 00:51:08.670
other, this is true in this other case as well. The fact that they're saying that someone that

960
00:51:08.670 --> 00:51:13.570
they were romantically interested in is now taking them to court. That should be the biggest red flag

961
00:51:13.570 --> 00:51:22.490
that we have. That's big. It's not like, Oh man, I got into a traffic accident. Now I got to go to

962
00:51:22.850 --> 00:51:26.630
court. Oh yeah. I got this business thing going on and I got to go to court. No, it's like this

963
00:51:26.650 --> 00:51:32.770
person that I wanted to be romantically involved with. I did something wrong and now they're

964
00:51:32.770 --> 00:51:36.670
taking me to court. It's like, I don't even want to know what you did. I don't want to know

965
00:51:36.670 --> 00:51:42.590
because I know everything I need to know right now. And that is thank you, Jesus.

966
00:51:44.190 --> 00:51:52.710
What if he was actually the one that filed? I don't know all the details still. Okay. But

967
00:51:52.710 --> 00:52:02.290
he told you that he made a mistake. Yeah. Listen, girl, I'm going to tell you something about

968
00:52:02.290 --> 00:52:08.850
yourself because I've, I've talked to you enough on these ask Jackie's and and this is true. And

969
00:52:08.850 --> 00:52:15.150
this used to be true of me as well, but you are a, you are a high level empath and you are going to

970
00:52:15.490 --> 00:52:22.590
attract a lot of, you know, I know we call them narcissists out there, but you are going to

971
00:52:23.310 --> 00:52:29.470
attract some broken people because of this gift that you have. And it's really important that,

972
00:52:29.470 --> 00:52:34.370
you know, you get this imbalance and that you don't allow your empathy to be overextended.

973
00:52:35.170 --> 00:52:39.030
Do not allow your empathy to be overextended. The best thing that you can do. And the best

974
00:52:39.030 --> 00:52:46.750
thing that I did for myself, because I am also a high level empath is learn some really strong

975
00:52:48.230 --> 00:52:52.850
boundaries. And at first it felt so foreign to me. I felt like I was being mean because like,

976
00:52:52.850 --> 00:52:59.390
I have really deep, you know, deep love for people and, you know, really deep mercy for people.

977
00:52:59.390 --> 00:53:05.070
And I want people to do well, and I can see the gold and the good in people very clearly. And

978
00:53:05.070 --> 00:53:10.110
that got, that had me so confused when I was younger. But now I've been walking with Jesus

979
00:53:10.110 --> 00:53:17.310
for 28 years and I've had a lot of really sketchy moments in my life because of this gift being

980
00:53:17.330 --> 00:53:21.710
overextended because friends, your gifts overextended will become weaknesses. And so if

981
00:53:21.710 --> 00:53:29.270
you also like me and Lily have this high mercy gift, please make sure that you are taking extra

982
00:53:29.270 --> 00:53:34.670
boundary classes, reading the books, believing it, implementing it, even when it feels foreign

983
00:53:34.670 --> 00:53:43.010
and kind of icky in your body to do it because it will maybe even save your life. Okay. Really

984
00:53:43.010 --> 00:53:47.190
important because I feel like people who carry these gifts are targets almost for this stuff.

985
00:53:47.190 --> 00:53:52.910
Does anyone resonating with what I'm saying right now? Anybody and women have, you know,

986
00:53:52.910 --> 00:53:57.330
we have a little, we have empathy just naturally because of the feminine, but I'm talking about

987
00:53:57.330 --> 00:54:06.910
even over and above that, over and above it. Okay. And I think it was Lilian. Someone said

988
00:54:06.910 --> 00:54:11.990
that their mom overtalks, but if your mom is elderly, I do think that it is a form of dementia

989
00:54:11.990 --> 00:54:16.170
to overtalk. I think that's, what's going on with my father-in-law. I think that it is,

990
00:54:16.170 --> 00:54:20.170
God love them. I think it's some kind of form of, of just

991
00:54:20.990 --> 00:54:24.730
aging and dementia. So that could be possibly what's going on with your mom as well.

992
00:54:26.990 --> 00:54:33.070
I used to work at a nursing home. I love, I love elderly people. And I used to work as an

993
00:54:33.210 --> 00:54:38.230
activities assistant at a nursing home way back when my daughter was really young and I was a

994
00:54:38.230 --> 00:54:46.150
stay at home mom. And I just need to get a couple hours of work in somewhere. And a lot of the

995
00:54:46.710 --> 00:54:52.770
even to not anyone. And so it definitely is a form of that for sure. All right.

996
00:54:54.210 --> 00:54:58.270
Anyone else have any questions? Thank you, Lily, for showing up and asking us that.

997
00:54:58.410 --> 00:54:59.890
Thank you for allowing me to speak.

998
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.780
to that for you. I believe that God, you are God defended. And

999
00:55:05.780 --> 00:55:09.020
God's going to continue to root the wrong people out of your

1000
00:55:09.020 --> 00:55:10.560
life if you let him.

1001
00:55:14.280 --> 00:55:21.420
Jackie, can I ask you a quick question? Yes. So I met, I met

1002
00:55:21.440 --> 00:55:25.760
we're dating for almost five weeks now and things are moving

1003
00:55:25.760 --> 00:55:31.480
very quickly. And I am feeling a little overwhelmed. Things are

1004
00:55:31.480 --> 00:55:35.300
getting a little physical at this point. And I don't know how

1005
00:55:35.300 --> 00:55:39.660
to buck up a little bit. I wanted to take, you know, a

1006
00:55:39.660 --> 00:55:45.260
break, but I don't want to send him that negative vibe and

1007
00:55:45.260 --> 00:55:46.120
confuse him.

1008
00:55:47.680 --> 00:55:52.140
Okay, let's backtrack. So you've been dating for five weeks? Yes.

1009
00:55:52.420 --> 00:55:53.860
How many dates have you been on?

1010
00:55:56.800 --> 00:55:59.740
Um, about six.

1011
00:56:01.780 --> 00:56:04.160
How often do you talk to him besides when you're in person?

1012
00:56:05.100 --> 00:56:10.620
Every day. And in the morning, he talks before I mean, he calls

1013
00:56:10.620 --> 00:56:16.720
me before he goes in for work. And then when he when he's done,

1014
00:56:16.760 --> 00:56:20.780
he called me back. And then every night we FaceTime. So we

1015
00:56:20.780 --> 00:56:21.880
are connected.

1016
00:56:21.880 --> 00:56:25.880
And how what do you like about him?

1017
00:56:27.000 --> 00:56:31.640
He's mature. He's a merry minder. He loves Jesus and he's

1018
00:56:31.700 --> 00:56:37.000
masculine and he seems to have everything together. But I am

1019
00:56:37.000 --> 00:56:41.780
feeling a little overwhelmed and I am struggling with self worth

1020
00:56:42.180 --> 00:56:46.720
thinking that maybe this is this is too good for me, I guess.

1021
00:56:48.340 --> 00:56:50.940
Well, it's not too good for you. But you said that it's coming.

1022
00:56:50.940 --> 00:56:53.920
It's exactly what you've been wanting as far as on the

1023
00:56:53.920 --> 00:56:56.520
surface, but you said it's gotten physical. Can you?

1024
00:56:57.360 --> 00:57:00.640
Can you give I think he I believe he's love languages.

1025
00:57:01.280 --> 00:57:05.540
It's, you know, quality time and physical touch. And I had

1026
00:57:05.860 --> 00:57:11.860
escalated to, you know, grabbing hands kissing. And this weekend

1027
00:57:11.900 --> 00:57:18.080
he literally sort of trying to craft my tonight thought that

1028
00:57:18.080 --> 00:57:18.900
was so

1029
00:57:20.500 --> 00:57:25.360
that was he was trying to grab your butt. Yeah, like in public

1030
00:57:25.360 --> 00:57:30.460
like hit you on the butt or no, no. When we were kissing and it

1031
00:57:30.460 --> 00:57:35.600
was very gentle. And it was, you know, but I don't know how to

1032
00:57:36.660 --> 00:57:40.980
Well, you like him. Okay. And you're attracted to him. He's

1033
00:57:40.980 --> 00:57:43.120
attracted to you and you guys are grownups. Okay, we're all

1034
00:57:43.120 --> 00:57:46.300
grown people here. We're not little kids. And so obviously,

1035
00:57:46.300 --> 00:57:50.160
you know, we want to be physically connected. He's

1036
00:57:50.160 --> 00:57:53.200
connecting with you every single day. It is early. It's only a

1037
00:57:53.200 --> 00:57:56.900
little over a month. But I think this is just the perfect time.

1038
00:57:56.940 --> 00:58:01.560
And people ask me all the time, when is the appropriate time to

1039
00:58:01.560 --> 00:58:04.260
tell someone that I'm waiting until marriage or what my

1040
00:58:05.000 --> 00:58:09.000
boundaries are sexually, this is the perfect time. And what he

1041
00:58:09.000 --> 00:58:11.160
does with that information is going to tell you everything

1042
00:58:11.160 --> 00:58:13.320
that you need to know about the future of this relationship.

1043
00:58:13.920 --> 00:58:14.260
Yeah.

1044
00:58:16.080 --> 00:58:21.580
I actually told him that we literally two weeks in, I told

1045
00:58:21.580 --> 00:58:25.940
him that I wanted to wait. And he said that he's he's on board

1046
00:58:25.940 --> 00:58:29.280
and he's okay with that. However, he behavior doesn't

1047
00:58:29.280 --> 00:58:31.820
seem to be, you know, supporting that.

1048
00:58:32.240 --> 00:58:35.060
Well, a lot of people do, you know, at your age like to make

1049
00:58:35.060 --> 00:58:38.000
out and so that's when you set another boundary. So he said

1050
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:42.220
he's okay with no sex before marriage. But now you need to

1051
00:58:42.220 --> 00:58:46.100
let him now have what you're okay with before marriage, you

1052
00:58:46.100 --> 00:58:49.600
don't want sex. So you told him what you're not okay with. But

1053
00:58:49.600 --> 00:58:53.760
now you need to tell him what you're okay with. Right? Right.

1054
00:58:53.760 --> 00:58:57.340
If you guys are so hot and bothered when you kiss, then

1055
00:58:57.340 --> 00:59:01.460
it's possible that you won't be kissing to that extent. Or you

1056
00:59:01.460 --> 00:59:05.020
might be giving, you know, goodbye kisses. Or, you know,

1057
00:59:05.020 --> 00:59:09.800
you have to set the you have to set the bar, you know, high for

1058
00:59:09.800 --> 00:59:13.580
both of you. If you know what your temptations are. Look,

1059
00:59:13.660 --> 00:59:17.180
everyone right slippery slope. I had a student once who told me

1060
00:59:17.180 --> 00:59:25.980
that she was immune to, you know, lust, unless a man touched

1061
00:59:25.980 --> 00:59:30.340
her back. Yeah. I mean, you know, like that was it. That

1062
00:59:30.340 --> 00:59:34.000
was the G spot for her. Okay, so that gets touched. We're on

1063
00:59:34.000 --> 00:59:37.600
like Donkey Kong. Let's go. Alright, so all of us have

1064
00:59:38.160 --> 00:59:41.200
all of us have something that, hey, that's the point of no

1065
00:59:41.040 --> 00:59:45.240
return. The point of no return is that thing. So I'm not going

1066
00:59:45.240 --> 00:59:49.260
to do that thing. Because I know that if we do that, then that's

1067
00:59:49.220 --> 00:59:53.880
it. All right, closer on the floor. It's done. Alright, so

1068
00:59:54.200 --> 00:59:57.780
once again, we're all grown men. And some of us have never had

1069
00:59:57.780 --> 00:59:59.980
sex before. So just so you know, you

1070
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.180
guys have a tipping point as well, but the rest of us that have had sex, we know what

1071
01:00:04.180 --> 01:00:08.600
our tipping point is. Go ahead, Erica. Yes. Yeah. One last question. I guess at this point

1072
01:00:08.700 --> 01:00:14.380
he, um, you know, I guess I understand the levels of relationship, but you know, obviously

1073
01:00:14.480 --> 01:00:21.840
he don't. Um, but, um, he said, I'm into you. I want to date you exclusively. So at this

1074
01:00:21.840 --> 01:00:28.660
point, when is it healthy to move to level two? When is the right time? I mean, you're

1075
01:00:28.660 --> 01:00:35.940
level three. You're already level three. That's my concern. Level three, baby. You're there.

1076
01:00:36.440 --> 01:00:42.240
Right. So that's what I wanted to know. That's what level three is. Yeah. Level two is you're

1077
01:00:42.240 --> 01:00:47.500
still dating other people. Level exclusive. Erica, you've been around here for a long

1078
01:00:47.500 --> 01:00:53.580
time. You know, I know, I know, but for the first time, Jackie, I don't know what I'm

1079
01:00:55.020 --> 01:01:01.980
All right. Well, thank you for the advice. It's like, yeah, we, we like each other a

1080
01:01:01.980 --> 01:01:07.760
lot and then it's, it's one of those situations with, um, you know, I need to, to go back

1081
01:01:07.940 --> 01:01:14.660
to, to, um, you just need to set the second boundary. You already said no sex before marriage,

1082
01:01:14.720 --> 01:01:20.580
but now you need to say, Hey, you know, this is going really fast and I really like you

1083
01:01:20.580 --> 01:01:26.080
and you really like me and we have to pace ourselves because there ain't nowhere else

1084
01:01:26.080 --> 01:01:33.260
to go from here. If we don't. Yeah. And you have that conversation. It sounds like it

1085
01:01:33.260 --> 01:01:39.980
sounds like you can. Yes. Yes. And you're going to get one of three answers. You're

1086
01:01:39.980 --> 01:01:46.580
going to get, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But then he doesn't respect the words and he still

1087
01:01:46.580 --> 01:01:50.560
continues to do the behavior. So that will be one response. And that will tell you that,

1088
01:01:50.640 --> 01:01:54.980
you know, he's really not committed to no sex before marriage. And then that really

1089
01:01:54.980 --> 01:01:59.300
makes me wonder if all the other things you said about him were true, as far as he loves

1090
01:01:59.500 --> 01:02:02.900
Jesus and all the things, okay. You can't talk out of both sides of your mouth, friends,

1091
01:02:03.440 --> 01:02:07.860
one or one, one or the other is true. And then the second response you could get from

1092
01:02:07.860 --> 01:02:11.620
him is, Oh yeah. You know, I'm not really on board with that. Yeah. We don't have to

1093
01:02:11.620 --> 01:02:15.180
have intercourse before marriage, but if I'm going to be in an exclusive relationship,

1094
01:02:15.180 --> 01:02:20.200
you know, I want it to be sexually, I want it to be physical. And that that's another,

1095
01:02:20.380 --> 01:02:24.040
and that's a really honest response. And actually I really admire someone who would say that,

1096
01:02:24.060 --> 01:02:27.460
even if they're a Christian, because at least they're being honest with us and they're not

1097
01:02:27.460 --> 01:02:31.400
going to tell us what we want to hear. And then the third response is, Oh my gosh, I'm

1098
01:02:31.120 --> 01:02:36.600
sorry. You're right. I should be leading in this. And I just, I repent to you and yeah,

1099
01:02:36.860 --> 01:02:42.020
you know, let's have better boundaries and I will, I will honor that. And then they do

1100
01:02:42.020 --> 01:02:48.300
honor it. Now, of course we want that one. Yes. Yes. We'll take the breakup one too,

1101
01:02:48.340 --> 01:02:54.620
because he's being honest as well. But the third one, nah, that's a red flag. Yes. Yes.

1102
01:02:54.700 --> 01:03:02.640
All right. Well, thank you. Make sure you tell us what goes on. Okay. Yes. So I for

1103
01:03:02.820 --> 01:03:10.440
meeting tomorrow and, um, uh, I guess we're going to have this conversation. So I just

1104
01:03:10.440 --> 01:03:16.380
wanted to get your advice on how to, you know, um, approach that conversation with

1105
01:03:17.000 --> 01:03:23.620
him. Absolutely. That's how you do it. Thank you. Appreciate it. You're welcome. I have

1106
01:03:23.880 --> 01:03:29.640
a question. Oh, I'm going to take the guy first and then I'll come to you. Louis, you

1107
01:03:29.640 --> 01:03:34.120
have a question. It's good to see you. I didn't know you were on here. Hello. Yeah, I'm here.

1108
01:03:36.900 --> 01:03:44.200
Um, yeah, Michael. So I guess it's kind of, it's more so two part ish. Um, I do need some

1109
01:03:44.200 --> 01:03:48.780
wisdom cause I think maybe I kind of, I don't know, screwed some things up. So I haven't,

1110
01:03:49.140 --> 01:03:52.540
you know, been too much in his dating scenes. I'm still trying to figure, feel all this

1111
01:03:52.540 --> 01:03:57.200
out. And I'm like, you know, I was just kind of trying to discern. I was like praying to

1112
01:03:57.200 --> 01:04:01.640
certain from the Lord. So there was this girl I was, uh, I think I kind of mentioned her

1113
01:04:01.640 --> 01:04:07.120
to you when we had connected. You did the realtor girl, right? Yeah. And so the next

1114
01:04:07.120 --> 01:04:11.360
day, you know, I was, I was still, I had some appointments to go check out some homes and

1115
01:04:11.820 --> 01:04:15.140
I didn't even care about the homes anymore. Cause I was like, I was interested in this

1116
01:04:15.140 --> 01:04:20.900
girl and I wanted to be intentional and ask her, you know, if she was interested. And

1117
01:04:21.580 --> 01:04:27.360
so towards the, yeah, towards the end of that showing, I, I could send, she, she may be

1118
01:04:27.360 --> 01:04:30.900
interested cause she kind of hung around the first time she was just talking. And I said,

1119
01:04:30.900 --> 01:04:35.420
Hey, I'm, I'm actually interested in pursuing you. I don't know if it's mutual. And she

1120
01:04:35.420 --> 01:04:43.920
said, yeah. Uh, you know, and, uh, she gave me her personal number and I followed up with

1121
01:04:43.920 --> 01:04:50.100
her the next day. Uh, and so actually before we had left, cause she, so she has a daughter

1122
01:04:50.320 --> 01:04:59.540
and her daughter was home, a nine year old daughter. She was kind of home alone. She

1123
01:04:59.540 --> 01:04:59.980
had invited.

1124
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.020
I invited her, uh, I said, Hey, uh, tomorrow I'm doing some ministry stuff.

1125
01:05:05.960 --> 01:05:08.220
Um, at, at, at a college campus nearby.

1126
01:05:08.220 --> 01:05:11.860
And I was like, you know, do you want to come and you can see

1127
01:05:11.860 --> 01:05:13.200
what my life kind of looks like.

1128
01:05:13.200 --> 01:05:14.400
That was kind of my intention.

1129
01:05:15.140 --> 01:05:15.800
Um, right.

1130
01:05:15.800 --> 01:05:16.740
You told me about that.

1131
01:05:16.920 --> 01:05:17.120
Yeah.

1132
01:05:17.120 --> 01:05:20.620
And so, uh, she, she initially said, yeah.

1133
01:05:21.180 --> 01:05:24.740
And then, uh, that was supposed to be like on a Saturday.

1134
01:05:24.740 --> 01:05:28.660
And then I was kind of, I reached out to her to see the next day to see,

1135
01:05:28.660 --> 01:05:30.040
Hey, how's her daughter doing?

1136
01:05:30.660 --> 01:05:33.160
Um, cause she said her daughter was like sick or something like that.

1137
01:05:34.460 --> 01:05:39.040
And, um, I, there was a church event thing that popped up.

1138
01:05:39.460 --> 01:05:41.040
Uh, and I invited her.

1139
01:05:41.140 --> 01:05:45.320
I, I was thinking, Hey, this would be a great, it was like for, it was set up

1140
01:05:45.320 --> 01:05:49.160
for kids and it was going to be like a movie type night, so I've, my mindset

1141
01:05:49.280 --> 01:05:52.520
was, I want to invite you into a group environment and your daughter

1142
01:05:52.520 --> 01:05:53.660
can have something to do.

1143
01:05:53.740 --> 01:05:57.100
You can bring her with, so it won't keep her from not coming out.

1144
01:05:57.100 --> 01:05:58.720
That was kind of like my, my mindset.

1145
01:06:00.920 --> 01:06:06.380
And I guess one, I was, I don't know if I had rushed or should have said that or

1146
01:06:06.380 --> 01:06:09.920
asked her, but then eventually she replied and she said, Hey, my daughter

1147
01:06:09.920 --> 01:06:10.980
is still not feeling well.

1148
01:06:12.780 --> 01:06:18.000
Um, and, uh, she said that she, she won't be able to make it tomorrow.

1149
01:06:18.900 --> 01:06:23.540
Uh, and then I replied with completely understand.

1150
01:06:23.540 --> 01:06:29.520
And, and I, I, I asked her if maybe it would, so my heart behind this

1151
01:06:29.520 --> 01:06:31.520
question was, well, her daughter is sick.

1152
01:06:32.020 --> 01:06:34.300
It seems like she has a hard time getting out and leaving.

1153
01:06:34.620 --> 01:06:36.260
She doesn't have anybody to take care of her daughter.

1154
01:06:36.400 --> 01:06:40.540
So I was like, well, what if I came by your place area, not to go inside?

1155
01:06:40.660 --> 01:06:44.100
I made that clear, but just to have a date and walk around your, your, like

1156
01:06:44.100 --> 01:06:46.560
a park or rock around your, your place there for a little bit.

1157
01:06:47.600 --> 01:06:49.260
And she never replied back.

1158
01:06:49.260 --> 01:06:58.640
So I guess, uh, I just maybe need some coaching that I maybe shouldn't.

1159
01:06:58.700 --> 01:07:00.460
Was there something in there that I shouldn't have done?

1160
01:07:00.500 --> 01:07:02.880
I have, and then, and then I kind of took a step back.

1161
01:07:02.960 --> 01:07:07.160
And so this is where my question comes in is I think when I think about reaching

1162
01:07:07.160 --> 01:07:11.460
out to her, I kind of get this anxiety and I am like, I don't know how to discern.

1163
01:07:11.780 --> 01:07:16.620
Is this my, my flesh maybe just being scared of something that maybe I haven't

1164
01:07:16.620 --> 01:07:22.680
been able to pinpoint yet, or is this the, is this not non-peace from the Lord?

1165
01:07:22.840 --> 01:07:24.720
Like, how do I discern that?

1166
01:07:26.120 --> 01:07:31.340
Um, and so, well, first of all, you, you know, you're the last person to reach out.

1167
01:07:31.440 --> 01:07:33.020
She hasn't responded, right?

1168
01:07:34.940 --> 01:07:35.440
Right.

1169
01:07:36.240 --> 01:07:36.740
Okay.

1170
01:07:36.740 --> 01:07:40.900
So the ball's in her court because, because, okay.

1171
01:07:40.900 --> 01:07:41.780
So everyone listen up.

1172
01:07:41.780 --> 01:07:42.520
It's really important.

1173
01:07:42.720 --> 01:07:45.020
Context is important of how we meet people.

1174
01:07:45.020 --> 01:07:48.520
So Lewis met this girl, you know, he's a handsome guy.

1175
01:07:48.520 --> 01:07:49.860
You know, she's a pretty girl.

1176
01:07:49.860 --> 01:07:52.620
She was meeting him in a business context.

1177
01:07:52.940 --> 01:07:53.680
It's great.

1178
01:07:53.720 --> 01:07:55.920
I'm glad he, he was able to shoot a shot.

1179
01:07:55.960 --> 01:08:01.360
I, I told him he should for sure, because we don't ask enough people out in the wild.

1180
01:08:01.780 --> 01:08:05.820
And so ladies, please be approaching, be approachable out in the wild when

1181
01:08:05.820 --> 01:08:08.520
you're just living your life, when you're doing your thing, when you're running

1182
01:08:08.520 --> 01:08:11.380
errands, you're at the grocery store, be approachable in the wild, because that's

1183
01:08:11.380 --> 01:08:13.320
how we used to meet people back in the day.

1184
01:08:13.960 --> 01:08:16.819
And I really do believe that, you know, we're trying to bring that back around.

1185
01:08:17.220 --> 01:08:21.620
And so I appreciate it that he, you know, asked her out, said, Hey, I'm interested

1186
01:08:21.620 --> 01:08:25.000
in, you know, in, in seeing you or, you know, taking you on a date.

1187
01:08:25.620 --> 01:08:27.080
And that was great.

1188
01:08:27.300 --> 01:08:32.880
And so, but we don't know if, because she was showing him places to purchase,

1189
01:08:33.040 --> 01:08:38.800
she was a realtor, we don't know if she said yes, simply because she felt like

1190
01:08:38.800 --> 01:08:43.620
she had to, because, you know, a lot of people don't have good boundaries.

1191
01:08:43.939 --> 01:08:49.260
A lot of people in that situation would not have the guts to say no.

1192
01:08:49.279 --> 01:08:51.540
They just simply wouldn't, especially women.

1193
01:08:51.540 --> 01:08:55.960
Women are so amicable and they're so, you know, like, Oh, okay.

1194
01:08:56.240 --> 01:08:57.080
Yeah, sure.

1195
01:08:57.420 --> 01:09:02.740
So, um, so we don't know Lewis, if she ever really intended to go out with you.

1196
01:09:02.740 --> 01:09:06.439
She ever really wanted to go out with you because she was kind of put on

1197
01:09:06.439 --> 01:09:08.979
the spot and she just did it.

1198
01:09:09.200 --> 01:09:09.580
Okay.

1199
01:09:09.620 --> 01:09:11.720
You weren't just approaching her in a grocery store.

1200
01:09:11.859 --> 01:09:16.380
You had already spent time with her twice showing houses and had like long

1201
01:09:16.700 --> 01:09:18.359
conversations about different things.

1202
01:09:18.479 --> 01:09:21.779
And so she said, yes, now we're to give her the benefit of doubt that

1203
01:09:21.779 --> 01:09:23.300
she really, really wanted to say yes.

1204
01:09:23.380 --> 01:09:27.260
But now, you know, Lewis is inviting her to ministry stuff.

1205
01:09:27.359 --> 01:09:31.300
We don't know how strong of a Christian she is inviting her and her daughter to

1206
01:09:31.300 --> 01:09:33.960
and, you know, different things.

1207
01:09:33.960 --> 01:09:39.080
And then not, not taking no for an answer, but when she has objections,

1208
01:09:39.200 --> 01:09:43.420
overcoming those objections with, well, Hey, why don't I come and hang out with

1209
01:09:43.420 --> 01:09:47.319
you and I love, I love one thing about this Lewis is that you're giving your,

1210
01:09:47.640 --> 01:09:50.620
you're so kind of pure hearted that you're giving her the benefit of the

1211
01:09:50.640 --> 01:09:55.580
doubt that she isn't making excuses that she really just can't do it.

1212
01:09:55.580 --> 01:09:59.980
And so you're trying to make it easier for her and just really believing that she.

1213
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.280
really wants to do it, but just can't.

1214
01:10:02.360 --> 01:10:03.060
And that's great.

1215
01:10:03.060 --> 01:10:05.640
But the fact that she hasn't responded to that

1216
01:10:05.640 --> 01:10:07.240
kind of tells us everything we need to know.

1217
01:10:07.820 --> 01:10:09.220
That for whatever reason,

1218
01:10:09.220 --> 01:10:11.560
she's not ready for this level

1219
01:10:13.360 --> 01:10:17.140
of someone wanting to get to know her, right?

1220
01:10:17.600 --> 01:10:18.920
And so the ball's in her court.

1221
01:10:19.000 --> 01:10:21.080
I would not text her again if I were you.

1222
01:10:21.840 --> 01:10:24.420
I would just kind of let that go.

1223
01:10:24.740 --> 01:10:27.700
And then at the same time, when it comes to

1224
01:10:27.700 --> 01:10:29.900
what he was asking about was,

1225
01:10:30.280 --> 01:10:31.980
how do I know if it's like God saying,

1226
01:10:32.580 --> 01:10:34.580
by the feelings that I have inside,

1227
01:10:34.660 --> 01:10:39.140
like God saying, or if it's just me fearing rejection?

1228
01:10:39.420 --> 01:10:42.080
Well, it's not really something that we need to know

1229
01:10:42.940 --> 01:10:45.320
because God very rarely,

1230
01:10:46.380 --> 01:10:48.360
I know this is gonna really hurt a lot of your feelings,

1231
01:10:48.500 --> 01:10:52.120
but God very rarely tells you,

1232
01:10:52.920 --> 01:10:55.160
don't go on a date with that person.

1233
01:10:55.160 --> 01:10:59.300
Now, if your safety is in question,

1234
01:10:59.700 --> 01:11:01.840
because we have this beautiful gift called free will,

1235
01:11:02.320 --> 01:11:04.460
it's really a beautiful gift, okay?

1236
01:11:04.460 --> 01:11:06.700
And it is the gift of us doing

1237
01:11:06.700 --> 01:11:09.100
what we feel like we want to do.

1238
01:11:09.180 --> 01:11:11.920
And when you're surrendered to God, as Lewis is,

1239
01:11:12.780 --> 01:11:17.180
a lot of us, we get pretty clear on what we want

1240
01:11:17.180 --> 01:11:18.300
and what we don't want

1241
01:11:18.360 --> 01:11:21.260
because we've surrendered our free will to God's will.

1242
01:11:21.260 --> 01:11:24.320
So my advice to you, Lewis,

1243
01:11:24.480 --> 01:11:26.580
because of who you are and in full-time ministry

1244
01:11:26.580 --> 01:11:29.240
and what you do as far as with your life,

1245
01:11:29.260 --> 01:11:31.900
I really do believe that you're kind of on a narrower road.

1246
01:11:32.580 --> 01:11:34.100
Okay, you're on a narrower road

1247
01:11:34.100 --> 01:11:36.320
than maybe some of the rest of us,

1248
01:11:36.560 --> 01:11:40.120
where a lot of what we do in life is more of our will

1249
01:11:40.120 --> 01:11:41.680
and maybe less of God's.

1250
01:11:42.100 --> 01:11:44.020
You're pretty sold out as a missionary

1251
01:11:44.020 --> 01:11:45.280
and in full-time ministry.

1252
01:11:45.500 --> 01:11:47.840
And because of that narrower road,

1253
01:11:47.840 --> 01:11:51.420
you're probably going to feel like,

1254
01:11:51.540 --> 01:11:53.940
you know, this isn't something worth pursuing

1255
01:11:53.940 --> 01:11:55.860
a lot faster than the rest of us.

1256
01:11:56.720 --> 01:11:57.380
And you know what?

1257
01:11:57.640 --> 01:11:58.160
That's okay.

1258
01:11:58.260 --> 01:12:00.440
But that doesn't mean that you don't do your hard work

1259
01:12:00.620 --> 01:12:03.420
and make sure that you're not fearing rejection

1260
01:12:03.440 --> 01:12:07.040
and that you're not dealing with avoidant attachment.

1261
01:12:07.160 --> 01:12:10.320
You and I talked for a bit on that call

1262
01:12:10.320 --> 01:12:13.740
and I do see some avoidance in you,

1263
01:12:13.860 --> 01:12:15.900
which is normal for your age range of men.

1264
01:12:15.900 --> 01:12:18.280
A lot of men are dealing with, you know,

1265
01:12:18.620 --> 01:12:20.420
wanting to find the woman that they think

1266
01:12:20.420 --> 01:12:21.560
is perfect for them.

1267
01:12:21.560 --> 01:12:24.180
And they have a lot of maybe expectations

1268
01:12:24.180 --> 01:12:27.200
that are not realistic, not about the way she looks,

1269
01:12:27.360 --> 01:12:28.780
but about the way it's going to feel

1270
01:12:28.780 --> 01:12:30.180
or how it's going to hit

1271
01:12:30.240 --> 01:12:32.920
or what it's going to look like to meet that person.

1272
01:12:33.400 --> 01:12:35.880
And so as you're surrendering to God,

1273
01:12:35.880 --> 01:12:37.240
I really want to encourage you to surrender

1274
01:12:37.240 --> 01:12:40.460
all of that stuff, really to surrender all of it.

1275
01:12:40.460 --> 01:12:41.360
Get honest with yourself,

1276
01:12:41.460 --> 01:12:44.220
make a list of all of your expectations

1277
01:12:44.220 --> 01:12:46.000
of what you think it's going to look like

1278
01:12:46.000 --> 01:12:47.160
to meet your spirit mate.

1279
01:12:47.340 --> 01:12:48.880
You know, what's going to feel like,

1280
01:12:49.160 --> 01:12:50.140
you know, what this, you know,

1281
01:12:50.320 --> 01:12:52.380
how you're going to know right away or whatever,

1282
01:12:52.440 --> 01:12:54.580
like take all of that, put it on a list

1283
01:12:54.580 --> 01:12:55.960
and then give it to the Lord.

1284
01:12:56.400 --> 01:12:59.460
Say, hey God, this is what I'm operating in right now.

1285
01:12:59.460 --> 01:13:01.820
You know me, you know me better than I know myself

1286
01:13:01.820 --> 01:13:03.520
and I need to surrender this to you

1287
01:13:03.520 --> 01:13:04.920
so I don't get in my own way.

1288
01:13:06.080 --> 01:13:06.520
Cool?

1289
01:13:08.000 --> 01:13:10.200
But real older girl, that ship has sailed.

1290
01:13:10.780 --> 01:13:12.960
Now, if she circles back around and she says,

1291
01:13:12.960 --> 01:13:14.860
oh, I'm so sorry I left you on red.

1292
01:13:15.700 --> 01:13:18.160
I just was dealing with a lot right now,

1293
01:13:18.320 --> 01:13:20.080
single mom and my daughter was sick

1294
01:13:20.080 --> 01:13:21.880
and I just really was overwhelmed

1295
01:13:21.880 --> 01:13:23.640
and really just didn't know what to say.

1296
01:13:23.960 --> 01:13:25.640
She's honest like that and says,

1297
01:13:25.960 --> 01:13:27.460
hey, I want to take a rain check, then cool.

1298
01:13:27.760 --> 01:13:30.840
But if she doesn't, then you just know that

1299
01:13:31.540 --> 01:13:35.340
it just wasn't what she was looking for right now

1300
01:13:35.340 --> 01:13:37.340
in her life as far as to pursue.

1301
01:13:39.740 --> 01:13:41.020
Awesome, yeah, thank you so much.

1302
01:13:41.200 --> 01:13:41.820
That makes sense.

1303
01:13:41.820 --> 01:13:43.420
And that's good, she don't need to waste your time.

1304
01:13:44.760 --> 01:13:46.560
So, did you get spotlighted yet?

1305
01:13:46.620 --> 01:13:48.300
Because I haven't been at spotlights

1306
01:13:48.600 --> 01:13:49.840
this month or last month.

1307
01:13:50.440 --> 01:13:51.400
Did you do a spotlight?

1308
01:13:54.580 --> 01:13:55.740
I'm not really sure.

1309
01:13:55.940 --> 01:13:58.540
I was on last week with Renee,

1310
01:13:58.700 --> 01:14:00.360
but it wasn't really a spotlight.

1311
01:14:00.600 --> 01:14:01.880
It was kind of more of a,

1312
01:14:02.020 --> 01:14:04.840
well, it kind of was, but it was kind of like a mix.

1313
01:14:06.720 --> 01:14:08.140
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1314
01:14:08.140 --> 01:14:10.000
That's what single spotlights, that's what she's doing.

1315
01:14:10.400 --> 01:14:11.000
Oh, okay, yeah.

1316
01:14:11.000 --> 01:14:12.820
Cool, all right.

1317
01:14:13.200 --> 01:14:16.420
Okay, well, we're gonna get you spotlighted out there.

1318
01:14:17.160 --> 01:14:19.720
Ladies, guys, if you know anyone who should meet Lewis,

1319
01:14:19.840 --> 01:14:21.240
he's up in Dallas right now.

1320
01:14:22.700 --> 01:14:25.780
But he is full-time on mission,

1321
01:14:26.160 --> 01:14:27.540
does some really cool stuff

1322
01:14:28.000 --> 01:14:30.720
as far as what God has called him to do for ministry.

1323
01:14:30.980 --> 01:14:32.440
And so, if you know someone

1324
01:14:32.440 --> 01:14:34.080
who's a missionary-minded person,

1325
01:14:34.200 --> 01:14:35.200
maybe they're in business,

1326
01:14:36.040 --> 01:14:38.120
but they really support missions,

1327
01:14:38.240 --> 01:14:39.220
they believe in missions,

1328
01:14:39.220 --> 01:14:40.900
they would be a good spirit mate

1329
01:14:40.900 --> 01:14:43.320
to someone who has completely sold out

1330
01:14:44.200 --> 01:14:47.400
to the mission field, that would be the right.

1331
01:14:48.100 --> 01:14:50.120
I really see you as someone who's in business.

1332
01:14:50.280 --> 01:14:52.680
So the realtor thing, like someone who's an entrepreneur,

1333
01:14:53.100 --> 01:14:54.740
someone who has,

1334
01:14:57.500 --> 01:14:59.220
that's where they feel called,

1335
01:14:59.360 --> 01:14:59.980
but they really,

1336
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.320
really believe in building the kingdom of God

1337
01:15:03.040 --> 01:15:06.960
with their finances and with their business.

1338
01:15:07.200 --> 01:15:09.220
And so I think that would be a really good fit for you.

1339
01:15:09.740 --> 01:15:10.900
Oh, Kim knows someone.

1340
01:15:12.080 --> 01:15:13.460
Kim, I wanna hear from you.

1341
01:15:13.640 --> 01:15:15.800
I saw you post something in the group

1342
01:15:15.800 --> 01:15:17.140
and I'm not in there very often.

1343
01:15:17.520 --> 01:15:20.500
So I saw you posting about that guy that you were seeing.

1344
01:15:21.180 --> 01:15:21.880
I did.

1345
01:15:24.360 --> 01:15:25.400
You broke up with him?

1346
01:15:25.940 --> 01:15:27.600
Oh no, no.

1347
01:15:28.840 --> 01:15:32.040
Oh, you put an update in there and I just didn't see it.

1348
01:15:35.300 --> 01:15:38.980
It's really the last two weeks, the first week,

1349
01:15:39.460 --> 01:15:41.440
you know, we kind of just gave each other a break.

1350
01:15:41.440 --> 01:15:45.460
And then I left to Florida last Saturday

1351
01:15:47.080 --> 01:15:49.600
and we're planning to see each other Saturday

1352
01:15:49.600 --> 01:15:51.440
with his identical twin boys.

1353
01:15:54.900 --> 01:15:58.520
So we haven't had like, I wanna use your language,

1354
01:15:59.120 --> 01:16:02.260
like, hey, you know, I noticed you, you, you know,

1355
01:16:02.840 --> 01:16:04.600
you talk, I don't wanna say you talk a lot,

1356
01:16:06.900 --> 01:16:09.540
but I can't remember what you said in the post,

1357
01:16:10.240 --> 01:16:12.080
but I'm gonna try that.

1358
01:16:13.600 --> 01:16:15.400
Oh, right, that's, he's the over-talker.

1359
01:16:16.100 --> 01:16:17.440
He's the over-talker,

1360
01:16:17.440 --> 01:16:19.740
but I think he had a lot of other factors.

1361
01:16:19.760 --> 01:16:20.920
Like he was furloughed.

1362
01:16:20.920 --> 01:16:22.860
He just got back to work today.

1363
01:16:26.680 --> 01:16:29.120
And so he talks a lot,

1364
01:16:29.160 --> 01:16:33.300
but I think he talked more than what he would normally do.

1365
01:16:36.240 --> 01:16:38.340
So I'm just trying to.

1366
01:16:38.780 --> 01:16:40.700
I mean, yeah, if there's, listen,

1367
01:16:40.760 --> 01:16:43.320
if the jury's out on that and there isn't a bunch

1368
01:16:43.320 --> 01:16:45.420
of other flags that are making that red,

1369
01:16:45.440 --> 01:16:47.180
then yeah, of course, give him an opportunity

1370
01:16:47.180 --> 01:16:48.400
to show you who he is.

1371
01:16:48.400 --> 01:16:50.740
Yeah, some people do over-talk because they're nervous

1372
01:16:50.740 --> 01:16:52.040
or because they're stressed,

1373
01:16:52.300 --> 01:16:57.100
but you'll quickly find out what is really going on

1374
01:16:57.100 --> 01:16:59.420
with that person if you continue to get to know them.

1375
01:16:59.760 --> 01:17:00.700
So that's where you are.

1376
01:17:00.780 --> 01:17:02.280
So, but Kim, you said, you know someone for Lewis.

1377
01:17:02.760 --> 01:17:05.160
So write us, admin at JackieDorman.com,

1378
01:17:05.260 --> 01:17:09.040
send it, send us, send us it, send us.

1379
01:17:09.040 --> 01:17:11.980
I feel like she's not ready,

1380
01:17:12.180 --> 01:17:14.020
but she would be the perfect match for him.

1381
01:17:15.280 --> 01:17:16.740
She's in, she's in Dallas?

1382
01:17:17.380 --> 01:17:17.860
No.

1383
01:17:20.020 --> 01:17:24.220
She's in Maryland, but hey, you never know.

1384
01:17:26.220 --> 01:17:27.020
Well, send it anyway.

1385
01:17:27.100 --> 01:17:27.980
And what do you mean by not ready?

1386
01:17:28.360 --> 01:17:29.180
Breakup, widowed?

1387
01:17:30.780 --> 01:17:35.500
Divorced, maybe a year, but she, I feel like she's,

1388
01:17:35.520 --> 01:17:37.720
Charlotte and I have tried to get her to join

1389
01:17:38.580 --> 01:17:39.840
last year's single.

1390
01:17:42.420 --> 01:17:45.020
And, you know, so I'll try again.

1391
01:17:45.680 --> 01:17:46.200
Okay.

1392
01:17:47.200 --> 01:17:48.480
And sometimes you guys,

1393
01:17:48.740 --> 01:17:49.860
just because someone doesn't want to join

1394
01:17:49.860 --> 01:17:50.820
a community for singles,

1395
01:17:50.820 --> 01:17:52.380
doesn't mean they're not ready to meet someone.

1396
01:17:52.520 --> 01:17:54.360
They just don't want to join a community for singles.

1397
01:17:54.480 --> 01:17:58.120
And so that's, that's definitely something.

1398
01:17:58.180 --> 01:17:59.200
Okay, so cool.

1399
01:17:59.200 --> 01:17:59.860
That's great.

1400
01:17:59.960 --> 01:18:02.160
Now, Jessica, you wanted to ask a question.

1401
01:18:02.220 --> 01:18:02.700
Where are you at girl?

1402
01:18:03.280 --> 01:18:05.420
Yeah, I'll try to reign this in.

1403
01:18:05.680 --> 01:18:07.640
You know, I haven't, I'm divorced

1404
01:18:08.000 --> 01:18:09.540
and I've been divorced twice.

1405
01:18:10.360 --> 01:18:14.360
I just started going online dating about three months ago.

1406
01:18:15.020 --> 01:18:17.160
The first guy that I liked,

1407
01:18:17.940 --> 01:18:21.560
we ended up chatting and we eventually went on a date.

1408
01:18:22.420 --> 01:18:25.560
I, at the same time, was chatting with different people,

1409
01:18:25.700 --> 01:18:29.000
learning the process of saying no and moving on, et cetera.

1410
01:18:29.140 --> 01:18:30.300
So I've done a fair amount of that.

1411
01:18:30.320 --> 01:18:33.280
I've had three other live dates with people.

1412
01:18:34.660 --> 01:18:37.540
So this guy though, on our third date,

1413
01:18:37.720 --> 01:18:40.540
he reached over and was going to hold my hand.

1414
01:18:41.580 --> 01:18:45.000
And kudos to me, I, for the first time in my life,

1415
01:18:45.000 --> 01:18:48.380
I asked myself this question, am I comfortable with that?

1416
01:18:48.900 --> 01:18:51.920
And I'm like, no, I'm really not at this point.

1417
01:18:52.000 --> 01:18:54.580
So I pulled my hand away and I said, you know, John,

1418
01:18:54.600 --> 01:18:55.540
I'm not really comfortable.

1419
01:18:56.040 --> 01:18:57.740
And he pulled his hand away and he goes,

1420
01:18:58.340 --> 01:19:00.060
wow, a woman with boundaries.

1421
01:19:01.240 --> 01:19:03.080
And so we joked about it,

1422
01:19:03.520 --> 01:19:06.160
but we've been on some more dates.

1423
01:19:06.160 --> 01:19:10.260
And the fourth date, I said, John, we need to talk.

1424
01:19:10.940 --> 01:19:14.240
I said, I need to tell you why I pulled my hand away.

1425
01:19:14.420 --> 01:19:17.000
I said, I am just walking into this world.

1426
01:19:17.080 --> 01:19:19.120
I haven't had a date in 11 years.

1427
01:19:19.720 --> 01:19:21.480
I have kept my heart closed.

1428
01:19:21.580 --> 01:19:23.120
I've done a lot of heart healing.

1429
01:19:23.640 --> 01:19:25.580
I've been in this last year single program

1430
01:19:25.660 --> 01:19:26.780
for several years.

1431
01:19:26.860 --> 01:19:30.360
And I said, I have to sit across the table from some men.

1432
01:19:30.400 --> 01:19:33.540
I have to figure out who Jesse is in relationship to men.

1433
01:19:33.600 --> 01:19:35.240
I need to meet a few toads.

1434
01:19:35.240 --> 01:19:38.060
I need to, so that I know who a prince is.

1435
01:19:38.060 --> 01:19:41.840
I said, John, you're not a toad in any way, shape or form.

1436
01:19:42.540 --> 01:19:45.100
So basically said, oh, Jesse, he said,

1437
01:19:45.160 --> 01:19:47.140
you friend zoned me, okay?

1438
01:19:47.440 --> 01:19:49.280
So I let that go for a week

1439
01:19:49.280 --> 01:19:51.640
and we just kind of ended it on a text.

1440
01:19:51.740 --> 01:19:53.960
I'm like, I'm not comfortable with this.

1441
01:19:54.520 --> 01:19:55.980
So John, can we talk?

1442
01:19:56.060 --> 01:19:56.840
So we talked again.

1443
01:19:56.880 --> 01:19:57.500
I said, you know,

1444
01:19:57.880 --> 01:19:59.980
I think we need to talk that through a little bit more.

1445
01:20:02.140 --> 01:20:05.420
And so we've seen each other, we've gone through rides,

1446
01:20:05.640 --> 01:20:06.040
we blah, blah, blah.

1447
01:20:06.580 --> 01:20:08.020
Basically, here's the issue.

1448
01:20:09.200 --> 01:20:12.920
He checks a lot of my boxes,

1449
01:20:14.500 --> 01:20:16.260
but not the top two.

1450
01:20:17.580 --> 01:20:19.660
So we've been very clear about that.

1451
01:20:20.220 --> 01:20:21.420
Where are the top two?

1452
01:20:21.760 --> 01:20:24.740
I love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

1453
01:20:25.080 --> 01:20:28.540
Now he brought up the spiritual aspect of his life

1454
01:20:28.540 --> 01:20:30.440
before I did in our first date.

1455
01:20:30.500 --> 01:20:32.860
And he said, you know, I have a relationship with the Lord.

1456
01:20:33.160 --> 01:20:35.920
He's a Catholic, he got disgruntled with their faith,

1457
01:20:36.220 --> 01:20:37.840
he hasn't gone to church in years.

1458
01:20:38.080 --> 01:20:39.360
And I did ask him, I said,

1459
01:20:40.040 --> 01:20:43.060
are you ever open to going to a non-denominational?

1460
01:20:43.160 --> 01:20:43.720
He says, sure.

1461
01:20:44.720 --> 01:20:49.080
So then the other things is I did say,

1462
01:20:49.220 --> 01:20:50.980
you know, John, I really don't,

1463
01:20:51.420 --> 01:20:52.940
I will not have sex before marriage.

1464
01:20:53.060 --> 01:20:55.040
And he said, oh, well, that would be really hard.

1465
01:20:55.060 --> 01:20:55.920
And I said, yeah, it would be.

1466
01:20:57.040 --> 01:20:59.700
And then the other day when we were talking,

1467
01:21:01.460 --> 01:21:02.300
I said, John, you know,

1468
01:21:02.300 --> 01:21:05.580
you said long-term relationship in your profile.

1469
01:21:06.020 --> 01:21:06.880
Does that mean marriage?

1470
01:21:07.220 --> 01:21:10.400
And he said, I don't think I can be married again.

1471
01:21:10.520 --> 01:21:11.800
I said, really, why?

1472
01:21:12.120 --> 01:21:14.740
He said, because all I've seen is that people,

1473
01:21:15.300 --> 01:21:17.380
they're getting along great, then they get married,

1474
01:21:17.400 --> 01:21:20.740
and then they quit trying and it falls apart.

1475
01:21:21.020 --> 01:21:23.220
And I pushed on that, you know, with him.

1476
01:21:23.220 --> 01:21:26.200
And I'm like, I think he's believing lies.

1477
01:21:26.920 --> 01:21:30.840
But anyway, he is, the thing is he's mature, he's masculine.

1478
01:21:31.580 --> 01:21:34.520
He has so, he's done so much of his heart work.

1479
01:21:34.820 --> 01:21:36.840
He was in law enforcement, he was a fireman.

1480
01:21:37.320 --> 01:21:38.720
He's done a lot of things.

1481
01:21:39.120 --> 01:21:41.840
We laugh, we enjoy each other so much.

1482
01:21:42.320 --> 01:21:44.280
But I did ask him this question,

1483
01:21:44.520 --> 01:21:46.700
John, are you afraid of anything?

1484
01:21:46.760 --> 01:21:48.160
You don't seem like a fearful person.

1485
01:21:48.200 --> 01:21:50.940
He goes, he says, well, that list you said of things

1486
01:21:50.940 --> 01:21:52.460
that you're looking for in a man,

1487
01:21:52.460 --> 01:21:56.240
I do feel a lot of those boxes, except one.

1488
01:21:56.580 --> 01:21:57.280
I said, which one?

1489
01:21:57.500 --> 01:21:59.560
He says, insecure.

1490
01:21:59.800 --> 01:22:02.340
He said, I am afraid of getting my heart broke again.

1491
01:22:02.980 --> 01:22:04.440
So basically what we've been doing

1492
01:22:04.440 --> 01:22:06.380
is dancing with this thing of like,

1493
01:22:07.240 --> 01:22:09.620
it's like, I love spending time with him,

1494
01:22:10.160 --> 01:22:11.780
but I feel like I'm playing with fire

1495
01:22:12.680 --> 01:22:14.900
because some things aren't falling in place.

1496
01:22:15.080 --> 01:22:18.120
And he, you know, he's spiritually, I don't think.

1497
01:22:18.240 --> 01:22:20.320
How many dates have you been on with him?

1498
01:22:21.300 --> 01:22:22.420
Probably six, seven.

1499
01:22:23.340 --> 01:22:24.740
And I don't even know if I'd call them dates.

1500
01:22:24.960 --> 01:22:25.680
We had four dates,

1501
01:22:25.780 --> 01:22:29.480
but then we've just been hanging out as friends supposedly.

1502
01:22:30.620 --> 01:22:33.220
But he called me last, yeah, he called me last week

1503
01:22:33.220 --> 01:22:34.960
and he said, Jessie, I have a question for you.

1504
01:22:35.160 --> 01:22:36.240
A serious question.

1505
01:22:36.400 --> 01:22:38.220
I'm like, oh my gosh, he has a serious question.

1506
01:22:38.320 --> 01:22:41.480
He says, I feel like you like me more than a friend.

1507
01:22:44.160 --> 01:22:44.940
I have feelings.

1508
01:22:45.660 --> 01:22:46.780
He's a little flirty guy.

1509
01:22:47.420 --> 01:22:47.940
What's that?

1510
01:22:47.940 --> 01:22:52.700
He knows, I said, he knows how to pull the strings.

1511
01:22:53.680 --> 01:22:55.320
Yeah, we both do.

1512
01:22:56.720 --> 01:23:00.780
Well, here's the thing, Jessie, you're having fun.

1513
01:23:01.560 --> 01:23:02.020
Oh yeah.

1514
01:23:02.380 --> 01:23:03.940
Are you enjoying yourself?

1515
01:23:05.540 --> 01:23:07.240
I am, too much.

1516
01:23:09.160 --> 01:23:11.220
Well, just keep on enjoying yourself.

1517
01:23:12.000 --> 01:23:14.400
It's been a long time since you, like you said to him,

1518
01:23:14.440 --> 01:23:15.780
I haven't been out here in a long time.

1519
01:23:16.420 --> 01:23:18.340
I would not say no to dates with other men,

1520
01:23:18.400 --> 01:23:21.060
but I would just continue to have fun and enjoy yourself.

1521
01:23:21.680 --> 01:23:23.140
You know what it is you want.

1522
01:23:23.260 --> 01:23:25.740
And I don't think that you're the kind of woman

1523
01:23:25.740 --> 01:23:27.960
who's gonna compromise what she wants

1524
01:23:27.960 --> 01:23:29.860
for a little bit of attention from someone.

1525
01:23:30.500 --> 01:23:33.840
I think that a lot of you are in this boat with Jessie

1526
01:23:34.100 --> 01:23:37.600
where it really feels good to be flirted with

1527
01:23:37.600 --> 01:23:40.600
and to be admired and to have someone who you laugh with

1528
01:23:40.600 --> 01:23:41.840
and you're having fun with.

1529
01:23:42.580 --> 01:23:44.140
Will they end up married?

1530
01:23:44.140 --> 01:23:45.380
I've seen it happen.

1531
01:23:46.340 --> 01:23:48.920
Bethany, not the Bethany that leads my heart work,

1532
01:23:49.220 --> 01:23:51.480
she's a success story of this community,

1533
01:23:51.520 --> 01:23:54.140
but there's another Bethany who's your age, Jessie,

1534
01:23:54.200 --> 01:23:57.440
who's a success story, who had a neighbor, get this,

1535
01:23:57.620 --> 01:23:59.100
she met a guy on a dating app

1536
01:23:59.100 --> 01:24:01.280
that actually ended up living two miles away from her.

1537
01:24:01.740 --> 01:24:03.360
He was just right down the road.

1538
01:24:03.940 --> 01:24:06.300
And he would, you know, they just like the two of you

1539
01:24:06.300 --> 01:24:09.180
had so much fun together, but he swore he was a widower

1540
01:24:09.180 --> 01:24:11.300
and he'd been widowed for a long time,

1541
01:24:12.020 --> 01:24:13.800
and a widower for a long time.

1542
01:24:13.800 --> 01:24:15.740
And he just said, you know, I'm old,

1543
01:24:15.780 --> 01:24:17.040
I'm not gonna get remarried.

1544
01:24:17.680 --> 01:24:19.520
And she wanted to be remarried.

1545
01:24:19.640 --> 01:24:21.140
She was a widow, he was a widower,

1546
01:24:22.140 --> 01:24:24.940
and he would just be so chivalrous.

1547
01:24:25.080 --> 01:24:27.300
He would bring her, she had adopted children,

1548
01:24:27.420 --> 01:24:28.880
even though she was in her sixties,

1549
01:24:29.200 --> 01:24:31.740
she had young kids that she had adopted,

1550
01:24:32.180 --> 01:24:35.540
and he would bring her stuff and he would do stuff for her.

1551
01:24:35.640 --> 01:24:37.800
And it was very obvious that, you know,

1552
01:24:37.800 --> 01:24:40.480
he was really loved her,

1553
01:24:40.620 --> 01:24:42.400
but also kind of falling in love with her.

1554
01:24:42.500 --> 01:24:43.600
And, you know, they're married now,

1555
01:24:43.600 --> 01:24:44.520
they're happily married.

1556
01:24:44.780 --> 01:24:46.180
In fact, after they got married,

1557
01:24:46.620 --> 01:24:49.380
he had a huge heart crisis, almost died,

1558
01:24:49.380 --> 01:24:51.580
and our community prayed him back to life.

1559
01:24:51.640 --> 01:24:54.080
And he's doing really, really well now, very healthy.

1560
01:24:54.400 --> 01:24:56.020
And they're just really happily married.

1561
01:24:56.200 --> 01:24:57.480
So you never know.

1562
01:24:59.340 --> 01:24:59.820
But.

1563
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.400
You know, just like you, she's like, well, you know, I really, really like him.

1564
01:25:04.400 --> 01:25:05.840
I don't want to, I'm playing with fire.

1565
01:25:05.900 --> 01:25:06.400
I'm scared.

1566
01:25:06.440 --> 01:25:08.920
I'm going to get my heart broken because he's not going

1567
01:25:08.920 --> 01:25:10.360
to change his mind about this.

1568
01:25:10.400 --> 01:25:14.900
But follow peace, spread out, spread yourself out with some other dates, with

1569
01:25:14.900 --> 01:25:18.680
some other men, just so you don't get too attached, but if you're enjoying yourself

1570
01:25:18.680 --> 01:25:22.800
and he's enjoying you and you're sticking to your guns and boundaries, I

1571
01:25:22.800 --> 01:25:24.220
think you should keep going forward.

1572
01:25:25.620 --> 01:25:26.100
Okay.

1573
01:25:26.460 --> 01:25:27.080
Thank you.

1574
01:25:28.700 --> 01:25:29.820
Keep us posted.

1575
01:25:30.000 --> 01:25:31.920
Keep us posted on your, on your toes.

1576
01:25:32.700 --> 01:25:33.160
All right.

1577
01:25:33.160 --> 01:25:33.660
Sounds good.

1578
01:25:33.760 --> 01:25:34.420
Thank you.

1579
01:25:35.280 --> 01:25:36.260
I thought for sure.

1580
01:25:36.260 --> 01:25:37.800
You're going to say, get out.

1581
01:25:38.580 --> 01:25:46.540
You, you wished I would, you wanted me to, but I didn't make this simple cheese.

1582
01:25:47.520 --> 01:25:49.020
I'm just saying what I feel like.

1583
01:25:49.040 --> 01:25:53.740
Holy spirit saying, so you're, you're, you're classy lady.

1584
01:25:54.020 --> 01:25:54.760
Keep it classy.

1585
01:25:54.900 --> 01:25:55.640
I know you will.

1586
01:25:55.800 --> 01:25:56.700
And just have fun.

1587
01:25:57.020 --> 01:25:57.480
Okay.

1588
01:25:57.900 --> 01:25:58.360
All right.

1589
01:26:01.840 --> 01:26:02.720
Enjoy yourself.

1590
01:26:04.480 --> 01:26:07.640
All right, guys, we have to have fun.

1591
01:26:08.280 --> 01:26:09.060
We need to have fun.

1592
01:26:09.400 --> 01:26:10.680
Will that be her spirit mate?

1593
01:26:10.980 --> 01:26:11.240
I don't know.

1594
01:26:11.300 --> 01:26:12.240
The jury's still out on that.

1595
01:26:12.340 --> 01:26:13.780
We have no idea what's going to happen.

1596
01:26:14.680 --> 01:26:17.420
Um, there's a, there's something that shifts in people's heart.

1597
01:26:17.420 --> 01:26:19.700
When they fall in love with us, they say never will I ever.

1598
01:26:19.900 --> 01:26:22.700
But then all of a sudden they're like, yeah, I will.

1599
01:26:23.420 --> 01:26:28.960
Um, because we change our minds once we, once we find someone that we really

1600
01:26:28.960 --> 01:26:30.600
want to spend the rest of our lives with.

1601
01:26:31.040 --> 01:26:32.260
So that could happen.

1602
01:26:33.160 --> 01:26:37.720
And for a lot of you, you just need to stop needing certainty

1603
01:26:37.720 --> 01:26:39.480
at the very beginning of things.

1604
01:26:39.480 --> 01:26:42.740
If it's good, there's a lot of green flags then go with that.

1605
01:26:42.880 --> 01:26:43.120
Okay.

1606
01:26:43.380 --> 01:26:43.780
All right.

1607
01:26:44.800 --> 01:26:48.200
Um, guys, I have a lot of cans coming up, but we're really at the end of our time.

1608
01:26:48.280 --> 01:26:52.040
So if you want to go ahead and send your questions in, I'd be happy to answer them.

1609
01:26:52.940 --> 01:26:57.800
Um, we're, we're actually past time and, uh, and I want to tell you guys something.

1610
01:26:57.800 --> 01:27:00.980
I'll be talking more about this on supernatural Saturday, but

1611
01:27:00.980 --> 01:27:02.660
this word about the siege is over.

1612
01:27:02.820 --> 01:27:05.960
If you haven't heard that supernatural Saturday or the ones that came after it,

1613
01:27:05.960 --> 01:27:10.580
please go and listen, please go and listen to it because we are seeing

1614
01:27:10.580 --> 01:27:12.540
so many testimonies coming in.

1615
01:27:13.180 --> 01:27:16.960
So many testimonies, including, and I'll talk about this a little bit on Saturday,

1616
01:27:17.140 --> 01:27:20.700
but my brother, you guys know, I have a brother that's a year and a half older

1617
01:27:20.700 --> 01:27:27.580
than me, that's been homeless and mentally ill for 28 years, you guys, 28 years.

1618
01:27:27.800 --> 01:27:29.200
He's never owned his own home.

1619
01:27:29.400 --> 01:27:31.280
He's always lived in his car.

1620
01:27:31.700 --> 01:27:34.440
Um, he's not an addict and nothing like that.

1621
01:27:34.440 --> 01:27:38.900
He just lives out away from society in his car, travels around,

1622
01:27:39.160 --> 01:27:40.980
never can rest, always camping.

1623
01:27:41.380 --> 01:27:45.340
Um, he lived here in my house for a year last year because he got hit by a car

1624
01:27:45.340 --> 01:27:48.260
and his bicycle and was permanently crippled by that accident.

1625
01:27:48.620 --> 01:27:52.580
And I want to let you guys know that, you know, we have tried and tried and

1626
01:27:52.580 --> 01:27:54.000
tried me and my younger brother.

1627
01:27:54.760 --> 01:27:58.640
And my younger brother's father, who is my mom's last husband before she

1628
01:27:59.180 --> 01:28:03.860
passed, we have tried to get him to buy a trailer, let us buy you an RV.

1629
01:28:03.900 --> 01:28:06.380
You know, my mom left him some money when she passed away.

1630
01:28:06.460 --> 01:28:07.920
You know, we have control of it.

1631
01:28:07.960 --> 01:28:09.240
Let us do something for you.

1632
01:28:09.380 --> 01:28:17.340
And he never, ever has been mentally willing to own something where he would

1633
01:28:17.340 --> 01:28:22.360
not have to just live in his car and just, you know, constantly be driving

1634
01:28:22.360 --> 01:28:26.420
around, being harassed by police, sleeping in parking lots, whatever.

1635
01:28:28.960 --> 01:28:36.460
Today, today, y'all, we signed the contract for my brother to own his own

1636
01:28:36.460 --> 01:28:42.660
house, just a little tiny house and a little tiny town in Texas, little two

1637
01:28:42.660 --> 01:28:48.140
bath, two bedroom, $35,000 house, you guys, but it's a really good shape

1638
01:28:48.140 --> 01:28:49.980
and a little Mayberry town.

1639
01:28:49.980 --> 01:28:52.140
But do you see how crazy this is?

1640
01:28:52.140 --> 01:28:53.580
The siege is over friends.

1641
01:28:53.900 --> 01:28:58.080
When I tell you how many times we have found something like, Oh, this RV,

1642
01:28:58.320 --> 01:28:59.520
can we buy this for you?

1643
01:28:59.640 --> 01:29:00.940
We'll put it on this piece of land.

1644
01:29:01.060 --> 01:29:01.620
How about this?

1645
01:29:01.740 --> 01:29:02.360
How about that?

1646
01:29:02.360 --> 01:29:05.160
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1647
01:29:05.420 --> 01:29:09.560
And then even today, while the realtor was making up the contract, I'm like,

1648
01:29:09.640 --> 01:29:12.780
Oh no, is this going to go all the way through there?

1649
01:29:12.780 --> 01:29:13.720
How can this go all the way through?

1650
01:29:13.800 --> 01:29:14.840
This would be a miracle.

1651
01:29:16.560 --> 01:29:19.280
I just want to let you guys know the shift is here.

1652
01:29:20.000 --> 01:29:21.120
The shift is here.

1653
01:29:21.980 --> 01:29:22.760
28 years.

1654
01:29:22.940 --> 01:29:25.820
I've been praying for this and it has finally happened.

1655
01:29:26.300 --> 01:29:27.180
It's finally happened.

1656
01:29:27.320 --> 01:29:30.300
So I want you to apply that to whatever you've been praying for, for a really,

1657
01:29:30.540 --> 01:29:34.860
really long time, wherever you have felt stuff, bottlenecked, whatever feels like

1658
01:29:34.860 --> 01:29:39.500
it would be impossible for that to end or for that to start or whatever it is.

1659
01:29:39.800 --> 01:29:43.480
The siege is over and father has released that of your sons and

1660
01:29:43.480 --> 01:29:44.760
daughters right now in Jesus name.

1661
01:29:44.940 --> 01:29:48.720
I thank you, Lord, that we are in a season of the miraculous and of

1662
01:29:48.720 --> 01:29:49.400
sudden leaves.

1663
01:29:49.860 --> 01:29:51.660
And so, Lord, I thank you, God.

1664
01:29:52.140 --> 01:29:54.960
I thank you that each and every one of them is going to feel like their number

1665
01:29:54.960 --> 01:29:58.180
is getting pulled out of that raffle father.

1666
01:29:58.460 --> 01:29:59.980
Each and every one of them are going to feel.

1667
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.960
like they are like wowed by the things that come to them in the season of breakthrough

1668
01:30:07.440 --> 01:30:08.400
in Jesus name.

1669
01:30:08.540 --> 01:30:08.840
Let it be.

1670
01:30:09.320 --> 01:30:09.700
So, amen.

1671
01:30:10.020 --> 01:30:10.700
All right, friends.

1672
01:30:10.820 --> 01:30:11.460
Thank you so much.

1673
01:30:11.480 --> 01:30:14.740
For those of you that didn't get to ask your question, either wait until next time, or

1674
01:30:14.740 --> 01:30:19.160
if you really want to ask it, go ahead and ask it in your group and tag me in it.

1675
01:30:19.640 --> 01:30:23.800
Ask it in phase three, Facebook or guys in men's Facebook or on the app.

1676
01:30:23.820 --> 01:30:25.180
Make sure you tag me in it.

1677
01:30:25.300 --> 01:30:29.680
The four of you that had your hands up and I will make sure that I come around and an

1678
01:30:29.680 --> 01:30:29.680


1679
01:30:29.960 --> 01:30:30.240
Okay.

1680
01:30:30.800 --> 01:30:30.980
All right.

1681
01:30:31.100 --> 01:30:31.420
Love you all.

1682
01:30:31.560 --> 01:30:32.180
See you soon.

1683
01:30:32.320 --> 01:30:33.100
Thank you, Jackie.