All right. Welcome, ladies. We've got nine of you and myself on right now. This is Supernatural.
No, it's not Supernatural. I'm going to be talking about Supernatural Saturday. It is
November 18th. This is your Tuesday heart check-in for the Phase 2 Love Story Accelerator.
I got some of my girls already raising up their hands because they got updates for us.
I know, Ashley, I did respond to you just recently in the app, and I know that you're
only on for the first 30 minutes, and so we definitely want to get to you. Look, I remembered.
That's a big surprise because sometimes I struggle with remembering things, believe
it or not. I did remember that, so Ashley, we'll definitely take your question. I've
going to butcher your name. Is it Chanmi? Did I pronounce that right?
Yeah, that's correct. Sorry, I'm driving. I'll be home soon.
You're good. Girl, I think we were all just driving a moment ago. We got girls driving
right now. I was literally just in my car. Leah's got her coffee. I got my Panera coffee
as well. That's where I was hanging out today after I dropped my kids off just to get in
the zone, and I just needed to get away from my house because sometimes if I'm in my house,
I'm looking at all the things that need to get done, and I just can't focus, so I decided
we're just going to get out of the house today. I got Mika that's got a question. Alexandra,
she's on. Alexandra, I think I just responded to you as well in the app. Gail's got questions.
I love it. We got so many people on. This is perfect. I'm not going to take up a whole
lot of time with the beginning stuff because I know we're getting more and more ladies
on and getting bold and vulnerable and courageous and sharing the questions, which is what we love
to see. That's where we get a lot of growth. That's where myself and Ebony can do a lot of
teaching. Just for those ladies that are brand new to phase two, maybe this is your first
live check-in for phase two. This is an opportunity for you ladies just to get
a glimpse of a little bit more extra coaching in a smaller setting. We'll do it in a group
where it's not as intimidating as you would go into the bigger group later on in phase three
where there's a lot more people, but as you are coming out of heartwork and you're stepping into
this, okay, now I'm clear to date and I may or may not know what I'm doing and it's a little
block or some heart thing, some heartwork stuff is coming up as we step into that dating scene.
This gives us the opportunity to really spend some time and just be able to unpack some of those
things that will surface because believe it or not, ladies, it will. That's totally okay. I know
some ladies jump out of heartwork. They were maybe a little reluctant or maybe they were just super
excited to get to dating and there's a little bit of like, uh-oh, what did I do? This is scary
or whoa, I need to go back to heartwork or no, I miss heartwork. Can I go back? Ladies, we do
heartwork still in here, okay? I am really, really focused on that because I myself was in this
as well. For those of you ladies that are watching in replay or are on today and this is your first
time, my name is Carla Johnson. I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year Single and I also went
through this program. I joined Jackie in October of 2020. I took the leap a little reluctantly.
I wasn't sure really how I felt about it, but I knew there was something. I knew God was directing
me. It was a divine appointment and I've been with Jackie ever since. Now, I am a success story.
I did eventually thank the good Lord. My husband did find me. It took a couple years, but he did.
He took some time. Not sure what was taking him so long, but God's timing is perfect. I will say that
and we've now been married. We just celebrated two years this past September. I get the honor,
the privilege, and the joy and just all of it just to be able to pour into you ladies and
hopefully offer you encouragement, wisdom, hope, faith. You can borrow my faith. There was times
in my story I had to borrow Jackie's faith, actually part of my love story, in fact.
So if you've never heard of that,
stay tuned at some point in this course,
I'm sure you will hear it.
So yeah, I've been where you're at.
I've been in that seat before.
I've asked all the same questions that probably you'll experience as well.
We have these, I like to call them guardrails.
A lot of ladies like myself used to think these were hard,
fast rules and if I didn't follow the rule,
I was messing something up.
Don't worry ladies, you're not going to mess anything up.
Chances are is if you maybe step out and do something maybe that we don't encourage,
chances are is I probably did the same thing.
Actually, I could probably almost guarantee I probably did the same thing.
So for example, I don't even know why I'm even sharing this,
this is just coming up.
We often encourage you ladies to hold off on
those first, second, third dates,
inviting a guy to church or going to his church,
or really diving into the faith talk.
Yeah, I didn't do that.
I definitely had a gentleman show up at my church on a third date,
and it just was really awkward.
Just know, we encourage you not to do that and there's reasons why,
but if you do it,
it's not, you didn't ruin anything.
There's growth in it and it doesn't mean that a love story can't
form because you did it differently than what we encourage.
God works in so many incredible ways.
He is intricately involved in your love story.
So I would just want to encourage those of you ladies that are like me,
and it's like, I have to follow the rules.
Yeah, we want to encourage you to stick to the path and
the process because we've been doing this for five years.
We've had over 1,600 engagements and marriages.
We've seen all different types of love stories,
all different, but there's also similarities in those two.
And so we do see patterns, we see what works, we see what doesn't.
And so we're just here to share our wisdom and our encouragement
and hopes that it will help you.
And the truth is, is that every single one of you,
as you go through this process,
God is going to use every single one of your experiences to grow you
and heal you and prepare you for marriage.
That I can promise.
There is nothing that God did not spare in my season of singleness
that has not somehow equipped me or helped me in my marriage now.
Okay?
So with that said, I do want to encourage you ladies
to check out Supernatural Saturday if you haven't already.
All right, it was a good one this week.
All right, there was some updates that we gave in the community
that I'm just going to touch base on real quick.
But I do really want to encourage you to listen to that.
I know for me personally, in my season of life, it was much needed.
And so what's exciting is that one of our updates is that,
you know, here at Last Year Single,
our dedication is to helping singles prepare for marriage
and grow in their heartwork and heal their hearts.
So that they can step into the love story that God has for them.
But one thing that we've noticed is as people are in our program
are getting married, marriage is hard.
But it doesn't have to be easy.
It just has to be worth it.
And so for anyone that knows of people that have been in this community,
maybe someone introduced you to this community that's now married.
Make sure you reach out to them and let them know,
hey, Jackie's going to be launching something for the married couples
out of this community.
And so as you ladies are praying for your love stories,
I really want to encourage you to be praying into those in this community
that also are now married or engaged.
Because what you help make happen for others, God will make happen for you.
And so I just really want to encourage that.
I know I was talking to Sam the other day because she booked a one-on-one call with me.
And I was sharing with her just how important marriage is to singles.
And it's really important that even as singles, we are praying for married people
because it's the people that are stepping into marriage and in marriages
that can help produce.
and encourage and give wisdom for those that are in that single season and it's so discouraging
when we step into our churches and we're being surrounded by married folks
and there is just this like this debbie downer attitude about marriage
like people are not optimistic about it and i i remember what that's like when i was single i'm
like i want to be married and i felt like people were just pooping all over my dream and desire
and so i really want to encourage you to spend some time thinking about those in your life
that are married and is there anybody that you know that you could be pregnant in their marriage
and when we launch our spirit mate group for this community that you consider introducing them to
this community for the marries okay so keep that in mind so that was on supernatural saturday that
jackie was sharing so we're still looking to launch i think there was some artwork that they
were still trying to um finalize and and such so that should be coming soon and then she also
announced that the retreat event schedule for 2026 will be released soon so definitely make
sure that you're keeping your eyes peeled for jackie's um website because those things will
be on there i will do my best and ebony will do her best that when we jump on these calls as soon
as we know we will let you ladies know um when those things are launched so i know that jackie
talked about a bigger austin retreat happening which is exciting i'm like dying to figure out
when that is so that i can hopefully make the trip down from dallas fort worth to hang out with some
of you ladies i got the privilege and the honor to be able to hang out with those ladies that
were able to make it the five-year anniversary party and also that got to experience some of
on the retreat um i don't know if i see anybody on here that i met i don't at first glance if
anybody is able to come on camera that's not on camera i'd love to see your face i know it's that
middle of the day and it's hard and sometimes we're at work but if you can i know we had some
ladies driving in the car i don't care if you're driving in your car it's just me just me and the
of carpooling down there for sure ladies if you are um if you haven't already checked out the
resource tab um make sure that you do that we have it's called single cities and so if you go
in the resource tab you're going to be able to learn a little bit of information about what that
is and how to get involved in those single cities so we have a single cities in the dallas fort
atlanta phoenix there's canada i think like edmonton vancouver there's all different ones
around um i think indianapolis area ohio area there's all different areas um so definitely
take a look at that i mean find your closest city and definitely try to join that um because you're
this community so when there are events that are happening whether it's a retreat or a conference
because jackie's going to be doing some of those all over that you may want to connect with some of
your um sisters here in this community and carpool maybe you know if you're if it's a couple like an
overnight retreat or something and a hotel like you might want to find someone to room with to
help keep costs down um so that's something to keep in mind um if your city doesn't have one
just find one that is closest to you okay i know if you're kind of in a remote area that may be
difficult um but if not just post it in our in our app where you're at and if you're like i'm not
sure because this is this is so many hours away from me or okay fort myers so yeah there's tampa
tampa will probably be a good one i know there's a handful of ladies that i even met
that are in the sarasota area that's where i actually came from um i was one of those ladies
that was like i'm not moving from florida my spirit mate's gonna have to move to me
and god was like you sure about that are you sure that's a non-negotiable and god had to work on my
to release the pen and hold that loosely and once
I kind of did, it was really supernatural what happened
and then my husband dropped into my DMs.
Okay, so that was pretty supernatural.
I can't promise that always happens that way
in an accelerated way, but that did happen for me.
There is not a Sarasota group, but there is a Tampa group.
And then there's Orlando as well.
And I do sometimes, they do know that
they might sometimes meet up.
At the time I was kind of moderating Tampa
when I was single in that area.
But now I think it is, her name is Mary DeJesus,
I believe is her name.
She is the one that moderates for Tampa.
Wonderful, wonderful woman.
I actually got to meet her
at the five-year anniversary party.
And yes, I did end up moving.
I'm in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.
That is where my husband lives and I live with him now.
And his two kids and my youngest came along with me as well.
So, all right, I've spent 16 minutes kind of going in.
I've got lots of hands up.
So I definitely don't want to take any more time.
I want to pray for us.
I've got lots of hands.
I do feel like I'm forgetting something.
Oh, I know what I was going to ask for assistance of, okay?
If you ladies that are maybe at work and have questions
and maybe you can't unmute and you have a question,
if you want to type that in the chat,
go ahead and do that.
And is there someone that's able to stay on and can unmute
and would be able to kind of keep tabs on that for me?
And if I miss something, they could be like,
hey, Carla, we got a question in the chat.
This is so-and-so's question.
Is there anybody that can volunteer to do that for me?
Anybody?
I would, but I'm on my phone today,
so it's harder to see both of them.
Otherwise, I would.
Okay.
Anybody else?
Maybe, maybe not.
If you can, that's great.
If not, I will do my best.
Lori says she can.
Yeah, Lori's going to cover it.
Perfect.
Yeah, so if you can kind of just help me out with that.
We've got a lot of ladies in here today.
I love it because we're getting so many new women
from phase one stepping over.
So we've got 24 of you ladies.
So I want to make sure that I honor your time.
And for those ladies that have been in phase two
for a minute, they know I'm long-winded
and I'm not usually short, brief, and powerful,
even though I ask you all to be short, brief, and powerful.
It's an area that I need to grow in for sure.
So if you can kind of keep an eye on that chat for me.
And then anybody that is good at being short, brief,
and powerful and is a good timekeeper,
if you kind of keep me in check,
I give you full permission to be like,
okay, hey, Carla, that was like a couple minutes.
Let's keep it moving, all right?
So if anybody is willing to help me out with that,
I really want to get better at that.
And I'm going to ask that you ladies
and give you permission to help keep me accountable for that.
Sound good?
Awesome.
Okay.
If you're new, welcome, welcome, welcome.
I'm going to start us off with prayer real quick.
And then I've got lots of questions.
Like I said, I'm going to take Ashley first
because she can only be on here for 30 minutes.
And then we will go through that, okay?
All right, Heavenly Father,
I just thank you for this time together.
I just thank you for the abundance of women
that are on this call today, Lord.
I just pray that as we grow in a community,
that we get more and more ladies
that are able to come on this one o'clock Eastern time call.
We know that this is not always the easiest time to come.
And so it just is wonderful
when we can get more women in here
and that we can get lots more questions in, Lord.
And I just ask that we come with just questions
that are just not just going to help
whoever it is that has the question,
but it's going to help the community in general, Lord.
That these sisters began to form bonds with each other
and build relationship with each other
and that it helps each one of these women
step into this vulnerable space of being honest,
open and real and vulnerable
and prepare themselves for what relationship is like,
because sometimes it is uncomfortable
having to speak these emotions and these feelings
and this rawness that we go through.
And so I ask that you just help us in this season,
remind us that you are with us, Lord,
that we invite you into this space with us,
that you speak to us,
that we have open hearts and open minds and open ears
to hear and feel and experience what it is
that you want us to know,
that you want us to feel your love,
to know you, to cherish you,
to know that we are loved by you,
that you see us, that you hear us,
that you've got good things for us, God,
and that we just continue to do that.
continue to experience your love embrace that we trust that your desire for our marriage
is bigger than our own desire and that bigger than that desire of marriage is your desire
for us to step into the full healing and growth that you have for us.
You want deeper connection and intimacy with us and through that you're going to bless
us abundantly with deeper connections and relationships so we thank you for that promise
and I ask that just a refreshness of hope and encouragement be released to each and every one
of these women on the call today as well as those watching in replay in your son's name we pray amen
all right okay I've got Ashley she's gonna jump on she's probably got about 10 minutes which is
in the app today I'm going to kind of recap real quickly as best as I can if I leave anything out
Ashley please let me know so Ashley has been conversing I would say with this gentleman
gentleman in one of her swing dancing classes she's attracted to him but she's kind of sensing
like he's not really in alignment with her and he's not really pursuing her but she's having to
see him every time she goes to class and so there was kind of this time where
it's kind of established that yeah this is probably not going to go anywhere
and they kind of saw each other this past week and hung out she's getting some anxious feelings
she got really annoyed because he seems interested but he's like yeah I'm not interested
no he's very interested he's very he's very interested but he's not showing up in a way
that shows that he has three m's right that yeah yeah not the three m's masculinity and marriage
mindedness marriage minded masculine and mature okay and so we want to spend some time to help
Ashley impact this a little bit and kind of walk through like what she's experiencing because this
is what I like to do with you ladies here okay is I like to walk you through like what is it that
you're experiencing okay I know it's really really easy for a lot of you ladies because I did this
too it's really easy for us to focus on what the men are doing or not doing and we can easily see
areas that where they might need to grow and heal in and it's really challenging for us to shift
that focus to okay how can God use this for me because unfortunately we can't control
what those guys do how they show up what healing they do or don't do the only thing that we get to
control is how do we show up and how do we utilize these opportunities to grow us and prepare us for
the relationship that God wants for us so I'm going to ask you Ashley just to kind of digest
that for a minute okay and let's process and unpack what thoughts emotions feelings beliefs are surfacing
that you're experiencing with this guy as like you're seeing him you're spending time with them
he's interested but not showing up in the way that shows the three m's
you're engaging with them but you know like it's just not showing up the way that you want
but you're not sure how to move forward because you know you're going to have to see this guy
unless yeah yeah because the last thing you want to do is you don't need to change your schedule
but we also want to help you possibly work through what are some boundaries that you can
work on for yourself and is there any discomfort that's coming up with that and what can we help
you process okay I know I just said a lot so I'm going to give you some time to unpack that what's
up for you so
definitely attracted to him I know we we've already had a lot of and it wasn't even initially
just as we've gotten we started so it's not lessons it's at a at a at a place to go that's
specifically for swing dancing and east coast swing dancing and they always have a live band
I've been dancing with them since the end of March okay and I've just enjoyed our conversations
we have fun we're silly together and so we've been talking on and off since then I knew
I, like, I wasn't in this program yet then.
So I, I immediately like had read, like, I didn't rec,
I didn't know, my walls were super high.
So it's been this whole process where I was like,
okay, were those, were those just like,
when I first met him, like, I was like,
I felt like I knew him, but I didn't know why I knew him.
Cause I've been going to the same place
for like 30 years on and off.
So it was pretty possible that I'd seen him before.
And then, but I also felt like it had like just a lot,
a lot of alarms going off first time I met him.
Then starting here, I'm like, well,
were those actual alarms?
Like now that I don't have my walls up so high
and, and then not recognizing things,
some recognizing some things he'd said,
but not really knowing what that meant.
Right.
So we're very on opposite side.
We're very opposite for some big,
some big things with, with theologically.
We like to talk about it and it's like,
just butting heads, we're like on the opposite.
And, and it's like, what, like, it's like,
are you getting me?
You're not getting me.
And he like, and so like, we just,
we already know, like, it can't happen.
It's not going to work.
Like, there's no, like, it's just not.
What, what's leading you to that?
Like, like there's been a non-negotiable,
like, this is not going to work.
Like, what has God shown you
as to why this is not going to work?
Well, the one of them that I mentioned to him last,
so besides, you know, not, I can,
so one of the things he's already like super possessive
of me, like does not want me to date anyone else,
talk to anyone else, like,
he did come to church with me one time,
but remember, like, we've been talking for a long time.
So it was like the first, like,
time that we really hung out,
but over that first weekend, but,
and, and I go, technically it's non-denominational,
but I guess you could say it's like Pentecostal.
It's a Bethel church plant,
like Bethel Reading church plant.
Yeah, gotcha.
So pastor had asked if he wanted, you know,
hands laid on us afterwards for like more
playing with the Holy Spirit.
He did not like that.
I did, he did not like, he like,
where's it like, I did not like that.
He laid hands on you.
Like that he was touching you.
I'm like, he touched my head and his wife was next to him.
And there was a bunch of people like,
and then,
that's like the thing that I've,
like jumps out to me the most.
Yeah.
I know there's other little things.
Well, and I think even you've just mentioned
your theology doesn't really align.
And I think that's a big one for a lot of you.
It is.
Like that's important.
It really is.
Like you want your beliefs to be in alignment.
And I'm not saying that they always have to be
perfectly aligned because there's always gonna be growth
in your faith and all that kind of stuff,
but you've gotta have a foundation that aligns.
Like you wanna be equally yoked.
Yeah.
When we talked last night, he was like,
yeah, if we were together, that'd stop immediately.
I was like, yeah, no, it's not stopping.
So not happening.
We already know this.
So why are you now asking me to drive
in hours with you to Minnesota?
This is not your thing.
Like, this is not someone.
Yes.
But there's this attraction that's like, it just.
Yes.
It's so annoying.
And I'm like,
and so I'm like, is this something that,
and I noticed, I told him this too,
like I noticed like there's some things that he says
that I'm like, that's like a mindset like that my ex had.
Like, and that's not healthy.
Like I've been there, I've done that.
I'm not doing that again, not happening.
And,
and so I'm like, so is this like,
like something, like it's,
it feels normal, right?
It feels familiar.
Like it's like a familiar spirit.
Let me ask you, did your,
is this an ex-husband, ex-boyfriend?
Was your ex-husband possessive?
I don't think so.
And I, well, actually now that I recall,
your ex-husband, he was the one that, remind me,
and I, again, I apologize
if I've crossed someone else's story with yours.
Was he the one that was out with other women?
I mean, if he was, I didn't know it.
Okay.
There was somebody that talked about this.
There was recently, yeah.
Okay.
There was somebody that talked about it.
I couldn't remember if that was you or not.
Cause then I'm like, okay,
that wouldn't have been possession, something else.
Okay.
what okay so your ex-husband wasn't possessive but what feels familiar about this guy and this
mister uh your ex um so he's comes with a very religious background very very religious like
like you know law-based this is what it says this is what we're gonna do
one of the reasons that he likes me is because i when we dance i follow really well like he
really like he talks about it a lot lately like he really likes how well i follow he seems to
think that's gonna be the same in a relationship i'm like no no nope that's not because i'm a
person like dancing and like having like he's and i'm like i he's very much into the like the wife
submits the husband i'm like yeah but you have to like listen to what she's saying like have a
i was like maybe some of the things that you said
what was that go ahead some of the things i was gonna say so some i told him last night i was
like so some of the things you said like i could just be
um
more reaction to my dad about it he was like wait he said i some of that cut out
he said that you could be having a reaction because i told him i told him that like some
of the things that he said that reminds me of my ex like and some of those things could be because
uh because i notice it more because i'm aware aware of it so like it could be like a little
thing that he doesn't actually like it wouldn't actually play out the same way but i'm noticing
it because i'm sensitive to it you are recognizing that he's not saying okay yeah okay well so those
are things that's just coming up in your spirit yeah okay that's good i know it's not right in
at all in in general like we shouldn't well hold on no but you know what makes you say that it's
not right i know like him and i being together oh okay okay i thought you meant like that thought
process not being right like it's not it's not right for you to think that way i'm like
let's know it's good to be aware of but i don't want to it's good to be aware of but i don't want
to be like hypersensitive i think that anytime anyone says something that sounds similar that i'm
running although i'm not running but i think you recognizing okay you don't want to be hypersensitive
to it is showing you that you are being mindful of it okay i also from my own experience this is
just from my own wisdom is if something is coming up like that it's probably an indication that i
need to look at it so there was a couple things that you mentioned that i'd like you to spend some
time and then we're gonna end up moving on to somebody else because again yeah because i gotta
hop back i'm gonna listen in still though i'm from my phone okay um is
this thought process like you kind of had this reaction i i noticed this reaction of you know
you mentioned how you follow well in dance and there was almost this wall when you thought about
having to be submissive in relationship and i agree with you like yes it is a two-person
commitment all right so i i know like this is very familiar to me okay i i i think a lot of
women on this call will will will share many of the same experiences beliefs and such like
if any of you recall especially those ladies that maybe just came out of heartwork
in jackie's heartwork book there is a chapter on the word submissive
towards the beginning i believe does anybody remember that
yeah and we're asked to kind of dive into that word and some of us and i was one of these people
that didn't like that word submission there was it was a trigger word for me like i didn't like
the idea of that and so i'm not saying that this guy i've honestly i this guy don't like
some of the signs that he's showing i don't think he's got the free ends
i think you're very keen and very aware and holy spirit is making you aware that this is not
a spirit mate match and you have the awareness of it right now you're kind of pulling tugging
and turning like you're in this state of like what am i feeling what am i experiencing this is new
this is different what's going on here can i can i speak into that for a second as i'm switching
things over okay so i know part part of the attraction is is that is that he is attracted
to me like i don't remember my ex like desiring and enjoying me and looking at me like i like
seriously i've thought about like i'm like ever ever like the way that he does and enjoys me
so it's really nice and you know it's been a while it's been a minute and so
yeah so it's almost like this guy is feeling something that you've desired
and it feels good yeah that's annoying but yeah i get it
i experienced that one time too and what's great is that this is a safe safe place for you to come
and be vulnerable and share that and you have a support system and a team of women that are here
to lift you up and hold you accountable and to help you process that yeah and that's really
the best thing like i'm like i'm not sure i need i need a wing woman to go with me and be like girl
just stop i was yeah a song i was listening to today while i was at work um i've not heard it
before and so i i really just have to picture things so much all the time and i was like
like i was like god i know you were there like but like where where were you and he was like
like literally i was there watching the entire time i just needed you to turn and hold my hand
walk away and i was like he was like i'm your protector i was right there i was right there
and i was like before you go into these um this and i know you said it's not a dance class but
before you go yeah do you ever stop and like pray before you walk in like you sit in your cart and
pray yes what happened friday night is that i thought he was mad at me he hadn't texted me in
basically like three weeks so i wasn't i knew i was gonna see him and dance and i was like
that'll be it and then he was like you want to go out and i'm like what are you talking about
you were kind of just like it he threw you off right you were kind of going into like i don't
even have to worry about this like yeah i thought we were all done not anymore he like pulled a fast
one on you yeah yeah okay because so i think next week when you go in um you go in knowing okay this
this guy's gonna pull a fast one on me i like being desired but this is not the type of desire
that god has for me he's got a masculine mature marriage-minded man for me and this isn't it
this is familiar this feels good because it's something that i didn't have in my last relationship
so it's almost like oh i get to have it but it's still not what god has for me
but i'm also recognizing areas where there are certain things that this
man doesn't have that wouldn't make a good spirit mate and i can trust myself
and i can trust that god speaks to me and i can trust
that god is right there and all i have to do is hold his hand
and i think it's going to be empowering for you to spend some time with holy spirit and ask
what are some practical things that i can do to create boundaries what can i say how can i say it
can i block his number can i share with him in the beginning like hey
i want to be straightforward i'm in a season right now where i'm investing in getting to know people
and relationships because it's what i desire for my future and i don't have the time to
invest in things that's not going to go somewhere i've enjoyed my time with you
but i also need to allow for no distractions in my life right now
and so i know we're going to see each other but i'm going to ask that you kindly give me space
can you please honor that
and then you block them
how does that feel or sound
It's going to be hard and I know I don't, oh, there you are.
Okay.
I'm back.
I'm back at my desk.
Yeah.
So can't really, and I didn't catch all of it, so I'll have to go back and, and listen.
We'll just sit on that and then update us in the app.
Okay.
You might want to rewatch and replay cause sometimes like rehearing some of that.
And again, spend time, a Holy spirit ladies.
I encourage all of you ladies to do that anytime you're getting any coaching, whether it's
on the app or whether it be here, spend time digesting it with the Lord.
Okay.
Really, really spend time with that.
So God is your source.
He's always your source.
We can be here to support you.
We're your team of coaches that were here to help you, that God can use us, but he's
your source.
Okay.
And he will pull out what it is that he wants to use and what we share.
It's going to speak to your heart and minister to you and where you're at and where he wants
to take you.
Does that help all of you?
I hope.
Okay.
All right.
I think my girl Gail, she's got to jump off, so I'm going to take her and then we will
get back in line here.
Was there any questions that I miss?
I think Rachel said in the app dating, how do you get out of leading the conversation?
These guys aren't asking questions, Rachel, that's a really good question.
Short answer for that is on the apps.
There's really not a whole lot of like the men leading.
Like this is where we, we really kind of talk about more reciprocation.
You are going to encounter men that just don't know how to do the online dating thing.
They have their own insecurities.
They have their own, like they have their own stuff and they don't have coaches like
y'all have.
And so we want to really offer some grace.
Okay.
We want to watch to see, are we getting offended easily?
And if so, what thoughts and beliefs are coming up in that offense and what area can we grow
in?
Like, how can God use that offense to kind of point and direct us in an area that we
might need some healing?
Okay.
So I love that question.
The best thing I can suggest for all of you is get a list of questions, icebreaker questions,
see what you can pull out, you know, do a little back and forth and then get those video
dates or those phone calls or those in-person dates within the week.
Okay.
And we can discuss that a little more if we need to.
But again, this is just a process.
And as you ladies are in this community and as ladies are coming with their questions,
y'all are going to be able to glean wisdom and knowledge and experience from other, what
other ladies share in the community.
Okay.
And yeah, I get it.
Sometimes quality of matches.
It can be difficult.
And yes, sometimes it's just where you live.
It's what app you're on.
I always say, just give yourself a few months in one app.
One of my friends when I was in this, in this program and she was in it with me, she was
an entrepreneur.
She had a business mind and she's like, it's kind of one of those things is that you got
to go through a lot of no's to get a yes.
And as much as I was like, gosh, I hate that.
Like that sucks.
It was true.
Like you might get more no's than you get yeses at first, but if you approach it in
this process of that, you know, God can use each and one of these opportunities and experiences
to grow you and allow you to learn a little bit more about yourself and what you like
and what you don't like.
That's that's a win.
Okay.
Um, and yeah, just in a couple, just be on a couple of Facebook dating.
I know like that was one of my favorites.
It's free.
It's easy.
Um, like I was a single mom, so I wasn't trying to spend a lot of money on all these apps.
And sometimes I was reluctant, like how much money am I going to drop?
And yeah, they like market you to buy and then it's like, once you spend the money,
you're like, wait a minute, right?
And then you're also going to come into apps where there's going to be this like season
of ebb and flow.
Like sometimes it's raining men, hallelujah.
The next next moment, you're like, wait a minute.
Like there's a drought with where are they going?
Or what?
You see, you're like, is this what is out there?
Like, where the good men at?
Okay, so just keep that in mind.
You know, again, don't get discouraged.
It can be discouraging.
Share it with us here.
Like I will do my best to be your cheerleader
to pump you up, share my experience
and just know like we've all been there
but God is good and he can use any situation
and the circumstances to bring you your spirit mate.
Okay, so keep that in mind.
All right, Gail, how are you?
What questions do you have for me today?
This is exactly two weeks I've been into this phase.
Last week, I think I spoke and said help.
I went onto Facebook.
I was inundated with 15 to 20 matches.
And I was just basically, I listened to the Dating 101
and, you know, she did say some people are quite sensitive.
You know, it's overwhelming and that's,
I almost felt like I was having a breakdown
trying to answer everybody.
So I paused it.
But in the process, I met a gentleman
who kept standing out to me.
It was on the second day.
I'm gonna fast forward.
I spent hours in my Bible.
I spent hours, I'm retired.
I love going deep and having deep conversations.
And he happened to be an author of like seven books
that are Bible commentaries he sells on Amazon.
So very, very intelligent on scripture.
And so we literally spoke several times a day.
And this is the breaking the rules, I know,
like a couple of hours.
And I know it's not supposed to happen the first week.
But it did.
I did it too.
It did.
You get graced in this group.
Yeah, I mean, we hit everything off.
And as a matter of fact, the day of our, the Thursday,
which was our one week anniversary of talking,
he surprised me by calling and saying,
I'm a half an hour from your house.
He's about an hour and a half, two hours away.
Can I take you to breakfast?
Cause I know you have a busy schedule.
So we met in person, took me to breakfast.
He walked me to my doorstep.
I mean, I met him at the restaurant, but I walked there.
So he's very strict.
You know, I'm not gonna even go on your stairs.
He already told me the rules.
I mean, it's like, he's given me the rules
of physical contact,
not holding hands until we're, you know,
committed and stuff, so, which is fine.
I didn't, it was something he brought up
and I agreed with him.
It was very lovely.
And we continued talking, but this past Saturday,
well, he decided, let's read one of my books,
you know, together online, you know,
during our Zoom meetings.
And we got into the fact that I didn't know he,
he thought women should wear coverings.
And I kind of went, disagreed.
I felt like my hair was my covering
and the man, you know, that I'm married,
would be married to, right now it's my pastors
are the head, you know, my covering.
And that's just how I believe, okay.
I'm not pushing it on anybody here.
But he insisted that I needed a cloth
on my head in church.
And then, so everything seemed okay.
And he, but he was getting increasingly,
and I was, again, rule breaker number two,
he was saying, asking me how many people I'm talking to
when I told him, you know, I'm inundated.
I have like 30 people,
but I'm probably talking on the phone to two,
I think two or three others.
So Saturday night, he said,
I really wish that you would focus on us, you know,
because I told him it's a yes until it's a no, correct?
I just said that was, you know, it's a yes till it's no.
And I don't have any no's yet.
He said, well, I don't either,
but can we be exclusive until we find a no?
And which was, I'm gonna get off.
He said, I'm gonna get off.
He was like on six dating apps.
And I said, well, I'm only on Facebook.
So I will pause it.
And I got rid of many of the men,
unmatched many of the men
that really I wasn't 100% interested.
I wasn't really interested.
I was just gonna talk with them and see where we're at.
But some of the things were triggers.
I mean, like yellow flags to me in their commentaries,
but I thought I'd give them a chance.
So I did that.
That was Saturday night.
And he wanted to listen to my church online, streamed online.
And so I gave him the link to it.
And when I got home after I went to church and women's meeting,
when I got home, he said, well, that's a nice church,
but it's not really a New Testament church.
Now I go to, I said, well, what do you mean?
He says, you have a stage on your church.
I said, yeah, that's where the the worship team stands
and the pastor stands because it's a church of like 400 people.
So you got to see him.
And he said, well, I only believe in home churches
because that's what they did in the New Testament.
So then he started tearing apart my church.
He says, a good church for church, but it's a brick.
You know, we need to be in people's homes.
And I said, listen, we have small groups in our church all over the place.
I belong to two of them where we meet in people's homes
and smaller groups and do, you know, do our thing.
So it's not like we don't have small groups.
But he got really adamant that it wasn't scriptural.
And so.
So what was your response to all this?
Like, I told him, I said, you know, I said, you have a daughter.
I mean, I used a word picture.
I said, you have a daughter.
If somebody started criticizing your daughter,
you'd get really defensive.
And he said, yeah.
And he says, what do you mean?
And I said, well, that family is a family.
That's my family.
I have no parents.
They have love on me.
They've given me a ministry, a woman's ministry.
Turned it all over to me for my healing work that I do with women.
And I said.
I'm not going to stop going to a brick and mortar church, if you will.
I don't that's my family.
And you're insulting my family by saying that they're like standing on a on the stage.
To speak like they're higher.
And I said, no, they're not dictators there.
And I was so I'm getting into this defensive mode.
Yeah.
And then he stopped and he said, well, you know what?
The light is behind you.
Can you can you put a can you your backlit?
Can you put a light in front of your face so I can see it better?
Because he called me on a Facebook messenger video.
First time we use that because before I was using the Zoom professional Zoom.
And I thought, that's odd.
So I OK, so I turn I turn the light in front.
So at the end, he says, you know what?
It's a no for me.
OK, it's a no for me.
And I said, what do you mean?
I said, you know, I will go to your house churches, you know, four days, four nights
a week if you want.
But I really want to continue my church.
You know, I mean, so but he said, no, it's a no.
Your attitude is not submissive.
And I said, well, what do you mean?
And he says, do you want me to send you the videos?
And I said, what do you mean?
He says, I've been recording you.
What?
He was recording our conversations.
I don't know how many, but at least that day, he says, I can send you what I'm talking about
you not being submissive.
I will send you clips of what you were saying.
And I said, you were recording me?
And he said, yes.
So I can listen again to what you're saying.
I mean, I don't know.
And then I said, well, you know, you're right.
I guess it is a no.
And he says, well, maybe we could just be friends and talk.
And I said, I don't think so, because I want to give room for somebody else, you know,
that in my life, my spirit mate that comes along.
But I just wanted to ask you that.
That's pretty darn insulting, isn't it?
Yeah.
Okay.
First, I just want to, I'm really sorry that you had to experience that.
Ladies like that is not okay.
Those are red flags.
Okay.
When men are being criticizing, that's never good.
Now, this is where we're going to kind of dive in hard work stuff.
Okay.
Because this is now, do you want to use this opportunity to grow, to heal?
So let's navigate that right now.
Okay.
I want you to look back and ask yourself.
So I know we say this, it's a yes until it's a no.
If someone doesn't align with your beliefs, and they want you to wear a covering,
They're not willing to go to your church.
They don't believe the same things
that your church believes.
Doesn't want to go to your church.
Believes that your church isn't a New Testament church.
Is that still a yes or is that a no?
Oh no, oh no.
But the thing is, is I had been talking to him
for hours on end for almost eight or nine days
totally vested.
And this was like a total, this was just Saturday night.
And it was like all of this stuff about the,
well, first of all, Saturday night was a head covering issue
and then Sunday when he, this past Sunday
when he watched my church,
he was, that's when he started mocking it.
Yeah.
And so I had vested like, let's say eight or nine days
of lots of time and honestly, lots of emotion.
I didn't have even a hint that he believed those things
until Saturday night when he,
and then I, Saturday night, this past Sunday.
So I haven't talked to him, I didn't talk to him yesterday.
I mean, it was, I told him, I can't be your friend.
We're not just gonna carry on with,
I've got to make room for someone that has like beliefs
but it just blew me away.
We were just aligned so much.
And then all of a sudden he pulls the head covering,
he pulls the church thing
cause he hadn't seen the church before.
And then all of a sudden he's telling me,
well, you're arguing, you're saying you believe,
you said you believe that the man is the leader.
I said, spiritual leader.
And we both agreed.
And he said, oh yeah, leading in love and sacrifice.
He agreed to the sacrificial love and the man's part.
But then he said, your attitude was very unsubmissive
which it was, I was defensive.
I was defensive.
Yeah, I mean, but here's the thing,
you guys are still strangers.
You're not gonna be submissive to a complete stranger.
You are still strangers.
So I want to highlight some things for you
moving into the future as you continue this navigation.
Okay?
Some of my tips for you, okay?
Okay.
Block his number, lesson block.
You don't even have to communicate to him
and let him know that you're blocking him.
You don't even need to let him know that you're blessing him.
I already did all that.
Okay, good.
I'm glad you've done that.
Things I want you to recognize, okay?
You spent nine days and lots of hours.
You mentioned that you invested a lot of time
and you invested emotion.
Recognize that.
You invested time and emotion really early on.
And you felt that there was an alignment really early on
until something turned.
And by then, after a few short days,
this alignment, this, oh, everything,
oh my goodness, look, he's intellectual.
Look, we align in this.
Now all of a sudden, like, ooh, maybe we don't.
But because we've invested a lot of time,
emotion, and interest,
we kind of got a rug pulled out from under us.
And then all of a sudden,
they're not being very gentlemanly, masculine, kind.
He didn't have some fruits of the spirit.
Let me tell you, you're not seeing a lot of fruit, ladies.
This guy does not have a lot of fruit, okay?
Not saying he's a horrible man,
but he doesn't have, he is not modeling fruit to Gail.
He is, she's getting offensive.
He's probably getting offensive.
And they're just not like,
there's just not a lot of honor, respect, consideration.
And Gail, I don't fault you for being frustrated.
And I like that you're like,
wait, you're offending my family.
However, I want to encourage all of you ladies,
when you're in these beginning stages,
these level ones and level two relationship
where you barely know this person,
how much value are you holding their opinions
about you and things that are important to you?
Really, ladies, to ask yourself,
why do I feel like, ask yourself,
not just ask yourself, but ask Holy Spirit,
Lord, why do I feel it necessary
to defend myself to someone that is a complete stranger?
that clearly isn't someone that you have for me in my future and that may
actually reveal some areas in your heart where you're like oh this is where this
feels familiar I don't this is this is what I'm believing and that's where you
can come like how do you feel when people say those things what beliefs do
you start aligning with when someone comes and criticizes your church family
and your beliefs where does that come from well I have to say that I would
hurt really shocked at first because just the night before he wanted to be
exclusive and then he did a double take on you know he just left and and that's
what I want you to pay attention to as well ladies it is really too early in
the first week or two I would even say in the first month where you've only
you've invested a lot of time okay we don't really encourage y'all to invest
that a lot of time but again you're all we're all allowed to kind of walk this
road okay I did it too okay again give yourself grace here there's no
condemnation here all right because I'm saying it as someone who's done it but
this is one of the reasons why we ask that you ladies be mindful of it because
it's really easy to put ourselves in these positions where we get these blind
spots where we can allow ourselves to get kind of confused we're all of a
sudden like this guy wants to be exclusive and it's like whoa and then
the next minute they're turning on a dime and we're like it can rile us up
those are definitely flags exclusivity before you truly know somebody and you've
actually gotten to experience them and gotten to know them and had several
experiences with them too soon it's really really too soon
I'm gonna win that when I kind of jump into that exclusivity talk be mindful of
it I'm not saying that meant that you will come across men and I I say this
because my husband was very much like very open about wanting to get married
he was marriage minded he was very forward about that I'll be honest it
freaked me out and because of this community and because I was involved in
this community and I didn't like cut and run from my community when I started
dating because some ladies like to do that all right I've seen it in my five
years here women that I was single with and women that I've coached as soon as
we get in a relationship we want to think oh look I got in this relationship
I'm gonna you know stop conversing with my coaches and and the ladies in
community but it was because I stayed in this program and I shared what was
happening and what I was experiencing I had wisdom and knowledge and women that
were able to see blind spots for me and walked me through and were by my side
and were able to kind of help point me in the direction so I'm not saying that
any man that's like wanting to jump to exclusivity is like red flag no is it a
yellow flag yes it's definitely something that you need to keep an eye
on especially if you're someone that gets quickly attached you need to be
mindful of that I was someone that got quickly attached so I knew I needed to
be careful with that and so that's why I was like okay I'm not gonna jump into
this I'm going to use wisdom I'm gonna use counsel support from this community
to help guide and direct me okay but that I do want you to recognize you
spent a lot of time investing in them you found some great connections you
like someone with intelligence someone that you can hold a conversation with
those are good things that you can pull from this interaction you've learned a
little bit about yourself and what you like and what you don't like you learned
about some things that you did well and you're learning some things that maybe
you will do differently in the future so this isn't a loss this is a win and now
we take this experience we move forward into the next person that you interact
with does that yeah I just wanted to say I'm running late at my vets because I
got okay three birds in here and
and I was supposed to be in there at two,
but I did wanna say I was extremely hurt,
did a lot of crying,
but then I realized, interesting,
Sunday during this worship service,
and God kind of speaks to me in my mind,
like with you guys, you get prophetic,
and it came across that,
it said, Wayne is gonna hurt you.
And I thought, where's that coming from?
He just asked me to be exclusive,
but it hit my mind.
And so interesting enough,
I get home from church and bam, he did.
But I was hurt at first
because it was like I had so much hope in that,
but then on the other hand,
it occurred to me, God rescued me
from our horrible, horrible, possibly marriage.
He rescued me.
You're God defended and you're God protected.
God defended.
He's allowing you to see that very quickly.
And ladies, I want you to take hold of that,
especially those ladies that you're just really worried,
like, am I gonna see it?
Is God really protecting me?
Does he really, like, I'm confused.
Really lay that at the Lord's feet.
Because believe it or not,
something that you think is,
wow, this is really great,
and then all of a sudden,
it's like something flips on a dime,
and it's really easy for us to sit there
and beat ourselves up and get sad and upset.
But if we can reframe it into this,
wow, I am so grateful God showed me this sooner
rather than later,
and look at how I recognized it sooner
than I did in the past.
Look at all the things that I'm learning.
If we can position our thought process
and our mindset to shift differently,
oh, that's a huge win.
That's hard work.
Yeah.
Okay.
It was a big switch,
and I felt this constant relief,
and almost, when I woke up this morning, Eve,
and I felt like, whoo, I feel free.
Like, no more two-hour conversations three times a day,
and it was just, it was taking so much of my time
that now I feel I've got,
I have more important things to do.
Moving forward, I want you to be mindful
of how much time you're spending
with each person that you're getting to know.
So maybe be conscious of limiting that to yourself.
Just saying, okay,
I'm only going to spend an hour so many days a week
getting to know somebody.
And then-
Okay, again, I gotta go.
Okay, give it a go.
I'm gonna let you go.
We've got several more ladies that have their hands up,
so I know we're like eight minutes over the hour,
and I wanna get to as many as possible.
Okay, Sam, I'm gonna let you share your update.
Then I got Chanmi, Leah, Mika, Alexandra, and Lori.
We're gonna do our best
to be as short, brief, and powerful as possible.
All right, Sam, go for it.
How are you?
I'm good.
I'm feeling good.
Yeah, I know.
We had a call yesterday, a one-on-one.
And what's cool about it is when I booked the one-on-one,
then I was like genuinely stressing out
about like I could feel myself like I have this crush
and I'm getting weird and now it's so strange.
And before the call though,
the Lord just really spoke to me
while I was doing a Sudoku.
He was like, hey, when did you learn
that having a crush is bad?
And it just, it relieved all of the pressure.
You book the one-on-ones
in the resources section on your app.
It's super easy.
So yeah, when did you learn that having a crush was bad?
And so I talked with the Lord through the start of that,
which was way back in college
where I got rejected by a whole friend group
because I was probably really expressive.
They didn't even tell me why,
but like after much processing in my life,
like, oh, I was probably wearing my heart on my sleeve
and like in this fantasy world of like, I like him.
And we were able to kind of dive into that too
and kind of really get to this where,
like what lie entered there.
And we were able to break that off.
Yeah, and so.
So any of you ladies, I know someone asked like,
how do you book a one-on-one?
Some of you ladies that are brand new.
We have those under the resource tab.
So like myself and Ebony,
who are coaches here in your phase two,
along with we have several other coaches in the community.
You can purchase a one-on-one session.
You can just do one.
You can get a little discount in book three
if you wanna do several couple of sessions
where it's kind of like this,
but it's just you and the coach you choose.
And so you get 50 minutes of being able
to really get a deeper insight in an unpacking.
And so for those ladies that just want more in depth
and maybe we don't have as much time on these calls
to kind of unpack more stuff, it is really.
useful and it's really helpful. So Sam was able to take advantage of that opportunity.
And so she had such breakthrough and she's just, she's always absorbing things like a sponge,
open heart to really just allow the Lord to speak to her and what he wants her to learn
from this community. And it's just been awesome to watch her on that journey. And for those of
you that have been with her on this journey, I think you'll agree as well, the growth that
she's had. But I'm sorry to cut you off, keep going. So he and I are very aligned with kingdom
purposes. Like he is a worshiper. I'm a worshiper. God has really called me to release some music.
He has some experience in that area. So he has really felt like God had said, help her with this.
So he loaned me some equipment. We've created a little studio in my closet. He came and helped
with the settings today. And so he had to come at 10 today and he came and stayed as long as he
could, like from 10 to 11. And we were working on it. Most of the time we were working on the
settings and stuff and working through that. But then he gave me great advice about like,
just worship, just get in there, hit record. It doesn't matter if you mess up,
don't start right away with your song, pray over it. He prayed over me while I was like,
I feel like I need to sit in the spot that I'm going to be in and have you pray. And he's like,
I feel that too. And so we spent the last quarter of an hour, I would just allow him to pray over
me. And so he's a little bit younger than me, but in the session, the one-on-one, then Carla really
encouraged me to just be authentic with him about all this. And I don't have to be like, hey,
I like you. I want to go to coffee. I could be like, look, I'm in this program. So I was like,
I'm in this program. I didn't even say the words last year single, because I felt like they would
be weird. So I just said, I'm in this program with a silly name, in my opinion.
Hey girl, can I just, can I laugh at this? Because when I joined this community,
for those of you ladies that might know, it was not always called last year single. You want to
know what it used to be called when I joined the community? Married in 12 months or less.
So I totally get that. And I would tell sometimes guys like, oh, I'm in this community with Jackie
Dorman and it's called married in 12 months or less. Y'all, they were like, you saw the smoke
coming from their shoes. They were running so fast. So I did share that. But I was bold, brave
and beautiful. And I was like, Hey, I'm in this program and it's really all about relationships.
I've done a lot of hard work. I'm in the next phase. And what I'm really looking for right now
is to really see men for who God has created them to be. And I'm just really interested in getting
to know you more in your story. Like I know a little bit of your story from our time at house
church together, but I want to share more of mine with you and want to hear more of yours.
And I had also told him because something that he has been through, like one of my siblings has
been through exactly the same thing. So it was like, you know, except he's not with faith. So
he's really struggled with it, you know? And, um, and so we chatted about that and he was so
willing. He was like, yes. Like we're so, so we're going to plan for coffee the week after
Thanksgiving. Um, and then I'm going to get him all the stuff to, uh, from my recording. He's got
time next week during Thanksgiving while I'm gone to do all the mixing and mastering. He's also like,
cause I asked him like, what does that involve? Like, do I need to pay you something? Can I give
you a percentage of the profits if it makes any money? And he's like, I don't want you to do any
of that. Like, he's like, God is all over this. And I don't want you to do any of that, you know,
just, just get in here and worship. And I'm like, okay. So it was beautiful. I'll see him tonight
at house church as well. But, um, yeah, he said, he said yes to coffee and there's not this pressure
of it. Like, this is a date. This isn't a date. Oh my gosh. It's weird. Like we are first and
foremost, like siblings in the kingdom. And honestly, like, that's enough for me. I just
want better, you know, like, and now that that pressure is off that, like,
oh, I kind of like him and I can see potential here. Like, and it's okay for me to have a crush
and like, the Lord is so kind and like relieved all that pressure from that place of like,
so now we're just, we're just being, you know, he was so willing. We're gonna, we're gonna go
for coffee. There'll be more information after Thanksgiving. I'm sure. So I love this. Like,
like this, I just want, I hope that you ladies are listening to this and this is just an
encouragement for each and every one of you. And really it's really a testimony of what discovery
dating is all about. And Sam and I talked a lot about this yesterday and you'll, and once you're
in this, if you've been in this space for a hot minute or you just started, you're going to hear
like, discovery dating is.
is if you really allow yourself to release this idea is of,
is this my husband?
Is this my spirit mate?
Is this someone that I can marry?
If you just really allow like yourself to just let that go
and to take off this, like, does, I mean,
we all have that desire,
but when we are focused on just wanting to get married
and just wanting to go meet men
and to see if they're our spirit mate,
when we are so zero focused in it,
it takes the fun out of it and it puts so much pressure
and it really does cause like just the enemy
to come and creep in.
I mean, I'm just gonna be real with you.
And so when you fully can just surrender this process
to the Lord and being like, God, I trust you.
I trust you in this process.
I trust that you are going to bring people in my path
that whether or not they're, you know, I get hurt
or I'm encouraged by them, or I see something, you know,
that I like, or I don't like,
or something comes out in me that I like
or don't like about myself,
that you are gonna use it to prepare and grow me
for the love story you already have written for me, Lord.
Yeah.
I want you to take hold of that.
I really want you to hear that, ladies.
Release the pressure.
I actually, I'm so glad that that word came up
because as you said that, I was writing it
as you were saying, take the pressure off.
And then you said something about pressure.
Yeah, yeah.
And I was like, it reminded me of something that I shared
and I cannot remember whose post it was.
I think it was on someone who,
and I don't know if she's on here.
Someone shared a dream that they had.
Who was it?
It might've been me.
Yes, Alexandra, about the emerald?
Yeah.
Yes.
I don't know if you got to see my response.
No, not yet.
Okay, well, I'm gonna share a little bit with you
and the ladies here,
because this is just reminding me of it.
When I was sharing about your dream
and kind of giving you some tips on that,
God really spoke to me about this idea.
Like one, I wanted you to look up at scripture
about gemstones,
what scriptures stand out to you that discuss gemstones.
And then I really felt this sense,
and it's interesting that it's coming up
even now on our call.
So I believe that this is Holy Spirit
and this is not just for you,
but this is for several of you,
is that it's time to take the pressure off
this whole dating for discovery
in this season of dating.
You don't have to add extra pressure to yourself.
And I want you to think,
and like what God showed me was
all the gemstones and diamonds
and all these like rubies and emeralds and diamonds
and gold, like all of that stuff is created naturally
with pressure.
God has created it naturally with pressure.
There's nothing that we have to do
to add the pressure to it.
God has just already created it.
That's how he literally formed it.
He knew what he was doing.
We don't have to add any more pressure
because God's already got it naturally covered.
So you're allowed to release the pressure off of yourself.
And Sam, this is again,
I'm giving you permission to release the pressure.
Can I share one last thing with you about all this too?
Yes, go for it.
Ever since the pressure was relieved
from what the Lord spoke over me,
then I am still like occasionally like hearing
these little thoughts, right?
Like they're actually easier to take captive.
So a couple of them was like,
when he prayed over me, he called me sister.
And so it's like, sometimes it's like,
oh man, they call you sister.
That means you're on the friend zone.
You know?
And I was like, no, what?
No, no, that's not, you know,
I literally took that thought captain was like, no,
I rebuke it.
But in the name of Jesus,
another thing that happened was he had told me
at one point where he's like, man,
we really are aligned with worship.
And there's only one other person
that I really experienced that with.
And she moved away while she's considering coming back.
She came back the other day
for the friends giving we had this weekend.
And I saw her on Monday
and I felt like jealousy coming up and, you know,
and me, and I was like, no, there's actually,
no, there's no lack here.
Like, even if, even if she and him are spirit mates,
like they're still.
like something here for me you know that God is bringing and there's no lack like there's no this
is okay there's no lack there's no scarcity there's no scarcity in heaven y'all yeah there's
no scarcity in heaven not at all not an ounce your God loves you and has good and perfect gifts just
for you and the last thing that you're going to want is a spirit mate that God doesn't really
have for you that's not going to bless your life don't force something that God doesn't want and
I can share this and my husband will literally test give this his testimony to this he was in
a marriage for 11 years with someone that God told him and confirmed to him that he wasn't
supposed to get married to he lived in it and he was a loyal husband he stayed with her he did not
believe in divorce he went through a really tough season and you know what there is a lot of trauma
that came from that relationship not just with him but his two children that they had together
relationships and family that that occurred and I will even just share my own testimony and then
coming into this union this marriage has not been easy because of those decisions
he didn't go into alignment with what God had for him he kind of stepped out of alignment with that
but guess what God showed his grace and mercy to my husband thank Jesus
thank you Jesus and he gave me grace and mercy in my decisions and the paths that I chose out of my
own will and my hurts and my traumas and my trying to make things happen because I had this scarcity
mindset and this poverty mindset that there was just nothing good out there that I had to do it
on my own God wasn't going to bring it so I had to force it God he's so good and I truly believe
and he has confirmed that my marriage and my relationship with my husband is going to bring
reconciliation and redemption of all the things that my husband and myself and our
kids have had to experience and and even our family and then our our kids kids and all that
God's going to come and bless that he is breaking off any curse and he is blessing my family
because we're not going to sit in a line with that anymore
and I want to I hope that encourages each and every one of you that have those moments because
ladies let me tell you when I was in this community I had those moments I did when's it going to happen
for me everyone else is getting theirs okay listen to Supernatural Saturday all those things that you
would have wished would have happened that just won't happen anymore and those of you that listen
to Supernatural Saturday you know what I'm talking about the things that you got to grieve I had to
grieve some things even in this marriage I believed that I was going to birth another baby and you know
what God had to tell me Carl I told you you're going to have more babies but I didn't say you're
going to birth them I had to grieve that and there's times in my marriage that I'm like oh
I love this man so much how much do I desire to have create another human out of the two of us
but it's not going to happen and I've had to grieve that
and I've had to dream some other dreams this past weekend of what God does want to do
what is he going to create in our children we might not birth a child out of our own genes and
DNA but we both came to the table with blessings of children that God showed mercy and grace
on us when we stepped out of God's will and alignment he still blessed us with some
beautiful amazing children that are going to do some amazing things for the kingdom
and my husband and I get to be part of that and it's our union and it's our coming together
and God's work and will that's going to allow that to happen
been. And that's pretty incredible. I wasn't even gonna share that today, but
that was probably Holy Spirit. I love it when God shows up like that, but I really
hope that gives you some encouragement to listen to Supernatural Saturday if
you haven't, and let's break off those scarcity, poverty mindsets. It's okay to
the things that we wish we would have had and we once wanted that won't happen
again, but God wants to give you new dreams, bigger dreams, better dreams,
things that you can't even imagine will happen. I like to claim that my kids are
gonna be these like kingdom shakers, like powerful, just really make an impact for
the kingdom. I feel strongly about that. I felt strongly about that about my
birth son. I felt like, you know, God really showed me that he is going to be
a beautiful defender for the kingdom of God. He's got a leadership anointing
that's been spoken over him. My husband has saw that in him, and I'm like, I have
no idea, but God's gonna do something incredible. My daughter has this amazing
gift of empathy and connection. She's so prophetic, and the enemy's after her, y'all.
We are going through the thick of it. That just tells me she's got something
really on her for the kingdom, and so I'm trusting that God is literally working
out something good, and so we're gonna be believing and dreaming for big things,
and as sometimes I do grieve those moments where I'm like, oh, I just wish I
could have had another birth baby, because I didn't get to have the best
experience. My birth son's father, there was a lot of trauma there. There's a
lot of hurt, and so I had to experience some of that stuff, and I thought God was
gonna reconcile that in the way that I wanted him to, but God's showing me he's
probably gonna do something even greater, and so I hope that gives you ladies
encouragement. I want to take some more. We got, oh my goodness, we got six more
here, so let's be short, brief, and powerful.
Alexandra, I saw a little timer thing up there. Do you have to get going here
soon, and I can quickly take yours? No, I was lovingly just reminding you of time.
Thank you. You can ignore it or not. You know, if y'all would do that, let's like,
I'm gonna remind you ladies next week, put that little timer reminder, and that
will help me tremendously. I love it. I'm gonna get off my preaching box right now,
and we're gonna take some. Sam, I love that you entertain this. You know me. You know
she gets it. She gets it. She's been here with me for a minute, so I love you ladies.
You give me so much grace, so I appreciate you. All right, Jami, Leah, Mika, Alexandra,
Lori, and Susan, and if I cannot get to you, and we cannot be short, brief, and
powerful, if you can throw your question in the app, I will get to that, but if
you're like, no, I really need to get on this live and share it, I will definitely
take it, but if you're like, okay, no, I can put it in the app, and I can share it
there, please do. Okay, all right. Oh, Jami, are you gonna put it in the app? Perfect.
I just wanted to answer, because you responded, and I read your message, and I appreciate
like your response, and you know, like the council, but I mean, like, so it's our
date. First time he came to me, and so far, he's been doing the whole online dating thing
correctly. Okay. He, you know, we matched on Holi, and then he got my number within
a couple hours. He, he screenshotted, like, because at the end of my profile, like, there's
like an excerpt, and it says, reach out if you want, I mean, reach out if, and I wrote
a list, and I said, if you're trustworthy, like, godly, and, you know, all these, all
the things, like, born again, and, you know, like, a problem solver, action-oriented, and
all that. He screenshotted that, and then sent it to me. He's like, I actually agree
with, like, everything on this, but it's a little intimidating seeing it, like, you
know, written out, and I was like, haha, like, you know, I'm sure you have your list, too,
like, I would love to know what's on your list, and then he just, like, loved it, and
he scheduled, like, a FaceTime thing, so we FaceTimed, like, within that week, just briefly,
like, 20 minutes.
And then we went over like our politic like, you know, I told him I'm like a Republican like I'm you know
Cuz we I live in California. So and he's in the NSF. So they're really liberal there. Yeah
Yeah, so we like I jumped on that right away and then he and then he once we got off the call he like messaged me
He's like, um, I I really enjoy talking to you
but I do think that it'll be hard romantically if you know if
Because it seems like you're very strict on the gay thing
And he's like, but unfortunately my sister's gay. And so I was like, yes, I agree
It'll be very hard if we have opposing views
and
And then I thought it was it was over, you know
Cuz I thought like he was ending it right there and then he goes would you like to like go on a date?
He's like, I'm willing to like come drive to you and I was like, no, it's really okay
Like we can just like text and he's like no like when are you free?
So then anyways, he ended up coming and then we like spoke for like five hours
We walked everywhere like around Sacramento and then he at the end of the day. He was like, let's meet
Do you want to meet again? So I was like sure and I and I was like this time I'll come to you
So every other week I work cuz I'm a night shift ER nurse
So like we're doing like bi-weekly meetings and only on Sundays because he's like a associate teacher
He has like he has like a big resume. I don't like
He like he was a software engineer for a couple years and got his law degree at Berkeley now. He's associate teacher
So, I don't know what's going on with that
But he was very transparent about it and he just started like I think four months ago
Okay, um, so he's probably really busy too, but you know
We're trying to make it work and what I like about him is he'd never he never says anything about my appearance
He didn't even he never said like, oh, I think you're pretty or I'm attracted to you
like, you know, you're beautiful like, you know, and I felt I felt I like that and
the only compliment he gives me is like, oh, you're really smart like, you know, like stuff like that and
and and
What else and he's very marriage minded like he's ready to settle down and he said that on our first date and our second date
And I was like, so why are you so like, why are you why do you want to get married and
He just said, you know
all my friends are married and settle down and they have kids and even when we hang out they bring their kids and I just feel
Like, you know, I want us I want to have that too. And I'm kind of lonely
He said he's lonely like he admitted it
and
And he was like and also I don't know what like what else there would be
I feel like that's the end goal, you know, and I was like, okay
So he's like, why do you want to get married? And so I was like, well God established marriage and blah blah blah blah
And he's like, yeah, I agree. So he's like, can you hold hold true to the to the wedding vows?
And I was like, um, I mean, yes
And then we like touched on divorce and he was like, would you like actually divorce?
I was like like I mean, yes
if you know
I'm getting like physically or verbally abused and it's a toxic relationship and I feel like I have to get out
I mean I would but I definitely do not want divorce obviously
So anyways, I mean he like asked me about my parents my brother and
My finances he didn't go he didn't like dig too much
But he was just like are you financially?
At the place you want to be and I was like, honestly, I do have debt like student loan debt
But I think by next year, I'll be done with it and he's like, oh I have no debt blah blah
you know and then he asked me like if I was a virgin if I've ever been in love and
All the things and I was just I just answered like, you know
How did you how did you feel answering those questions because we will encourage you ladies like early on
Those are pretty deep questions
To have with someone that you're still trying to get to know
Okay, of course, but I get it because guess what? What did I tell you at the beginning? You did it, too
Yeah
Okay. So again, it's not like hard rules like oh my goodness you did this and that's all wrong
no, like
I did it too. I mean I could sit here and tell you all the things that I probably did
Incorrectly even just with my husband now
Like errors that i'm like, oh, well, I didn't do this by like maybe the book that maybe jackie would have coached
So that just goes to show you like it's just
A tool as far as like wisdom goes and and yeah, did it make it hard at times? Yeah
for sure
There was definitely some things that i'm like
Oh, that was probably too soon for me to discuss. I probably didn't see that very clearly, you know
But again when god is in it and is confirming it and we are in alignment with what he wants
Like again god's going to be able to use all of our little errors and misleadings to kind of get us back on track
And so that's that's kind of what I was asking is like, how did you respond?
What was your thoughts on when he's asking these questions?
What were you responding?
And now that you've responded, what are your thoughts on that?
Yeah, so I mean, I just and I'm very open, like I because I expect him to be honest as well,
which he was, I said, well, when did you last sleep with someone?
He said, actually, over the summer, he was dating a Jewish girl,
but they ended things because of differences in religion.
He said, so I said, no, I'm not a virgin.
Like I had a really serious relationship when I was 19 to like 26.
I was engaged to him.
I said the whole thing.
He like I ended it because he went into psychosis after doing like edibles.
Like I'm very open and I'm over it because I did the hard work.
I mean, it was very tough.
And he was like, wow, that must have been really traumatizing.
And, you know, but you're you seem you come off very strong.
And I like about you.
Yeah, like there's been some healing there through some of that trauma.
So you you're not you're not attached emotion.
Like you don't have that trauma experience.
It's not like your trauma bonding.
Yes, no.
I think I remember when Jackie did when I did heart work with Jackie the first time,
we kind of talked about like, how do you know if you're really healed from something?
You kind of can talk about it without having to get all of those like emotions out.
Like you're just you realize like there's just this healthier healed version and you're OK.
It doesn't mean that there's not layers that will come up as you
get into relationships and dive deeper.
I mean, healing will come in layers, but you can understand.
OK, Mika, sorry I couldn't get to you.
I think she said she had to jump off.
I don't know if she did already.
Hopefully she'll put her question up in the app.
But yeah, so I think that's good.
But again, I just as you're continuing to get to know him,
just keep those things in mind.
You know, keep your guardrails up.
Yes.
In community.
Keep letting us know how things are moving along.
OK.
OK, like don't like don't cut out of community because they feel like rainbows and butterflies
and all the dialogue.
OK, thank you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Like a one on one leader like in a couple.
Absolutely.
Yeah, it's under the resource tab.
All right.
Awesome.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right, Leah, you got an update for me.
Um, yeah, well, you did answer one of my questions.
You said maybe we should unpack it.
How about about not going to see the men that I've, you know, dragging my feet about seeing.
And so I think I think part of it is my weight.
I have I have lost weight this year and I kind of feel like I mean, even though,
you know, like one of them told me that weight wasn't a thing to him.
But I kind of.
You know, feel like that's been a struggle in my life.
Yeah.
And just because it's not something for someone that you're getting to know,
you're recognizing it's something that you're working through.
Well, I've also had.
Well, when I first lost my husband, I didn't realize that your body can also go through grief.
Yeah.
I didn't know that because you never hear people talk about it.
And I was going through plantar fasciitis.
I had like all things going on where I couldn't even walk up the stairs in my house.
I had to crawl.
I was in pain.
And during that time, I had met someone and he came to visit me and and he he told me
we're still friends, but he lives in Alaska also.
But he did tell me that, you know, he lost his wife suddenly
and he said he wanted somebody that was healthy.
And, you know, I can understand that because I would feel the same.
But I was going through the worst of it at the time that he came.
He really insisted on coming at that time.
So he saw me at my worst and he had just lost weight himself.
So he he knew the struggle with weight.
And so.
But I've had a couple other men.
And this has been, you know, like five years or more ago.
Yeah.
Just kind of make a comment, but not in a hurtful way or, you know, just a gentle loving way.
And, you know, one of them asked me to marry him even, you know, but.
You know, so I kind of feel like I have this issue in my brain.
You've got some beliefs, some lies that are probably.
planted, that kind of entered and about like your identity and what that looks like and
how that plays a role with your value, right?
And so I like that you kind of even pointed out how it sounds like God is bringing up
this one memory of this guy when you were going through your grief and how he expressed
that he wanted someone that was healthy and he saw you at your worst.
And so what, what fears or anxious thoughts come up when you think of that?
What's a core thought, belief, fear that?
Probably rejection, like if, you know, like Gary, for instance, was one of the men in
Arizona that I really did like and he wanted me to come visit and something did come up.
You know, my daughter ended up having a medical emergency at the same time we were planning
it.
So, but then after that, I just kept, I kept kind of keeping myself busy with things and
prolonging it, he would kind of bring it up periodically.
And then there was times of the year I didn't want to go because it's 120 degrees.
And, and so, um, I, I think he maybe lost some, some interest because of that reason.
And okay.
So you, you had to cancel this trip because of your daughter, you know, and, and I mean,
you can't change that.
You need to be there for your daughter, right?
But what did you feel when you had to do that?
Like how did you see yourself?
Like was there any feelings that surfaced?
I don't know.
It's been a while.
I, I just, I just remember, I think I've thought since then because I didn't seem so excited
to go all the time, um, that he kind of would bring it up on occasion.
Um, so when he would bring up, like when he would bring it up, like what was the tone?
Like how would he bring that up to you?
Um, I don't know.
What do you mean the tone?
Like if he'd bring it up, like, Oh yeah.
Like when you didn't get to see me and you canceled on me, was it kind of like a shame
on you?
You broke your promise?
Like, is it like that?
Or is it?
No, no, no.
Or was it like, okay.
Um, but then it was, you know, then it was getting to the, the hot time of the year and
the hot season for them and, um, and I kept pushing off in my mind, Oh, well maybe in
the fall winter I'll go and, but then, you know, then, you know, I always end up going
to my daughter's holidays or, you know, something comes up, something kept coming up and I kept
thinking to myself, well, is this God telling me it's not, you know, meant for me, you know,
is this relationship not meant for me?
Um, I, I wasn't sure there were times where I was excited to go, but times that I wasn't
excited to go.
And, and how many, how many years had your, um, had passed since your husband, um, when
you first met Gary and all of this was happening?
Um, probably eight, eight months, eight, eight years, eight years.
Okay.
I'm at 10 years now.
Okay.
Gotcha.
Okay.
So this was like two years ago is when, okay.
Okay.
I was just kind of trying to see if maybe this was like early on in the grieving process
or, or whatnot, but I have gone through, I did go through another stage of grief when
I was retiring and like grief comes in stages.
Absolutely.
Um, I think it's great that you're even recognizing like our body responds to grief.
So ladies, I want you to hear that.
Like our bodies respond to trauma and often like our bodies don't, can't decipher time
as well.
So keep that in mind when you're having interactions with people.
That's why a lot of times with.
helpful for me in this heartwork and community and learning how heartwork just really helps us
is you're able to recognize what your thought or feeling is and if you can tie it back to
a similar feeling, it oftentimes is linked to something else and it has nothing to do with
you're experiencing in that moment. It's just your body or your mind responding to something
that feels familiar. So that's why you'll often hear us asking you, when does that feel familiar?
What memory does this bring up for you? Because that is where God can unlock some of those areas
where there might be those little foxes in the garden that a lie has entered and that's where
we want to replace the lie with God's truth. And so I like that all this stuff is starting
to kind of come out as you're processing through this. I know we don't have a whole lot of time
but I do want you to lean in some more as to what God is showing you as far as that rejection
and what you're believing about yourself and your image, where that would have come from
and what does God's truth actually say?
And giving yourself grace. I love that you brought up this, you know, this gentleman that
your body was grieving but yet there was probably this feeling of rejection in a moment when you
were really just needing connection and support in your grief. And so
when you allow yourself to have this vulnerability to have someone see you at your worst
and then that not be the person that God has for you, it's understandable for that to feel
like rejection and to build up these walls and have these fears of, can I allow someone in
to see that not so great side of me in the future? Because ladies, like your husbands will see that.
Y'all, my husband has seen some not so pretty sides of me but what I can assure you ladies
is that your husbands will love and cherish you for you.
And God will allow those healing parts of relationship to work those things out
in your relationship. I mean, my husband and I have had to work on that stuff before.
There's been some not so great things that we've had to experience
in our like not so great things, but we've been able to
recognize it and just love each other for where we're both at and understand with each other
because we have this commitment and we have this desire to chase after God and to put
God first in our marriage. And so when we can step into that more, it will feel scary now,
but it doesn't have to be. And I hope that just gives you encouragement, Leah.
Well, the same gentleman, I mean, we're still friends, but it's not like we really talk
all the time. Was that Gary? It wasn't Gary. But he did say that the guy that did make that
comment, he did circle back. He knows that I've lost weight. He saw because I had posted an
updated profile picture and he says, you know, I did tell you I would marry you if you were
healthier. And I just kind of said, Oh, I, I don't remember that because I'm not like that.
But let me ask, let me ask you, how does that comment make you feel?
Well, that I wasn't good enough then, but now I am.
Yeah. And you know what? I'm going to give you permission to, you can, you know, he's probably
coming from a good place and he's trying to pay you a compliment. I know he is because you can
literally hold the thought captive of the lie that the enemy is trying to tell you.
Well, you weren't good enough then, but you're good enough now.
And you can literally rebuke that thought and be like, no,
I was always good enough because I know who,
who and whose I am.
And it has nothing to do with my appearance.
It has everything to do with my heart.
And my husband is going to see that in me.
He's not going to look at the exterior.
He's going to also look at the heart.
He was also newly widowed. It hadn't even been a year.
So I think it was, he wasn't ready at the time.
And so you can have that compassion. I think, you know,
God is giving you that grace to be able to see that.
And so just hold that.
And when those lies want to come in and that like thought when it wants to come
up, just hold those thoughts captive ladies. That's so important.
I mean that scripture just speaks so much to me,
like holding those thoughts captive. That's so important.
I think it's something that we honestly have to experience every day.
I don't know about y'all,
but I mean I'm constantly having to hold thoughts captive every single day
every day. I am not perfect by any means.
The struggle is real. Life can be a challenge.
The enemy wants to come in all different ways and we just have to face it with,
you know, look, I'm not going to allow it. This is God's truth.
And we give ourselves grace when we don't get it right a hundred percent of the
time.
So, all right, Leah, thank you so much for sharing.
I appreciate it and just continue to press into that.
I think God is showing you a lot of really wonderful, beautiful things.
And I did have a date yesterday with the older man from church that's 14 years
older and I'm not interested,
but he waited for me after church in the parking lot.
I was chatting with, and one of the last ones out,
he was in his car and he asked me out to lunch,
but I didn't choose to go to lunch. But I said,
I will have coffee with you sometime. Oh, he said, how about tomorrow?
So, so we did and it was like long.
It was probably five hours almost ended up being, but,
and I've known him for several years. I didn't know him as deeply and he did,
you know, he was pursuing me, but you know,
I kind of had to make it clear that I would.
Did you put, yeah, I'm glad you were able to practice some boundaries.
Were you able to kind of just let him know,
like I have this community that I'm in and you might be interested in it?
It did bring it up. I don't think he would be interested to be honest,
but I mean, I think he,
I don't think he would want to be in it. And he's, but I mean,
I did tell him that I,
I have a good friend that I was going to check to she's older and I would check
to see if there was anyone at her church that is single, you know,
close to his age. And so I told him I was, you know,
all about networking and I kind of told him about this.
Good.
So he felt good about that.
Good. See ladies,
like it's a yes and you just go and you're getting to know someone you're
practicing that dating muscle. And again, she was able to, you know,
practice some boundary setting, getting to know someone she's getting to know
herself. She's, I mean, I'm, I'm guessing like, you can be like, wow,
that's a win. Yeah. That is a huge win.
And an accomplishment. And you're like, awesome.
Yeah.
It went very well. And we were just getting to know each other too,
a little bit more pressure off. It really does.
It does. And then, and then the moment came where he said, well,
we've been talking about a lot of things, but I would like to talk about us.
And so not getting a hint. Oh man,
God bless him.
He's a really good man. He's, he's actually very fit for his age.
He's, he's attractive for a 77 year old. He's,
he's very lively, very engaging.
He likes to be involved in.
a lot of things. And, and he's, he even said, if you ever need
any help with anything, you know, give me a call. He's just
very kind hearted.
Good. Well, you know what, when you see me be like, Hey, you
know, I have this community. There's lots of women, you know,
you never know. You can just always keep kind of just
playfully reminding him. Like, I'm, you're not the one for me,
but doesn't mean that I don't know people. And maybe that
seed's getting planted. And maybe one day he'll just, you
know, God will speak to him and be like, Hey, you need to take
up, take Leah up on this offer and maybe investigate what she's
talking about in this community. You never know. You never know.
All right, Leah, thank you so much. All right, Alexandra and
Susan, how, how short, brief and powerful can we be? Because we
are coming on two hours.
I can maybe come on tonight later. I have it's kind of a
story. So
can you because I'm gonna try to come in tonight. I can't make
any promises because I'll have my kids and I got to help a lot
of them with their schoolwork. But if I can jump in tonight, I
will I'll kind of tag team with Ebony if I can, but if not, can
you update us in the app too?
Yeah, it's Yeah, I'll try. Okay.
Sounds good. And then yeah, go check out my response to your
dream. Yeah, I hope that I hope that was encouraging. I hope
that spoke to you because there was something else. I think I
was sharing about that too about
I didn't watch the dream thing. Okay, the takeaway is kind of
like let the Holy Spirit which is just very challenging. Like
I don't I'm trying.
It's a muscle that you really do have to work. I mean, I I'm the
I'm not. What's the word I'm looking for? I'm still learning
how to grow in that gift. And so it just takes time. It just you
know, so just explore it, you know, spend time with it. I gave
you a little bit of kind of what God was speaking to me. Yeah,
thank you. Folks speaks to you. Take hold of it. If it doesn't,
you can trash it, flush it, whatever. But yeah, I was even
like something stuck out to me about you going on this like it
was a girl's trip. Mm hmm. And so that kind of like that was
highlighted to me as well as the the emerald, the gemstones, the
pressure, all that kind of stuff. So
well, I can try I'll maybe share the whole story tonight. Can I
just ask you I'll try to brief make it brief. So super exciting
like beginning with this new guy on Sunday, my best friend was
involved. I felt like God like led me to this conversation
where I was bold. I like went up to go talk to him. And then I
was like, if you want to hang out, let me know. And then he
ended up asking me on a date for Sunday night, which was exciting.
He's just going very like fast. I think he's very we both it was
a very exciting beginning. So I think we were both kind of on
fire after that. But I told him a couple of times I want to take
things slowly. But he's mentioned multiple times how
he's like physically attracted to me. And, and he was like,
kind of putting his hand on my leg, but then would pull it
away. And I was like, if you want to hold this is our second
we had we hung out yesterday as well. And which I'm like, I'm
trying to slow it down. Now. We're not going to see each
other till like Saturday. But I was like, if you want to hold my
hand, you can just because it's like, I'm like, I want to hold
his hand. And also I can tell he's like struggling with not
not like just hold my hand if you want to hold my hand. Anyway,
so I don't feel like he's really getting that part. And I kind of
feel like I've had some instances in the past of like,
some love bombing and then also like just people not respecting
physical boundaries. So I find myself very, I feel very like
unsafe is what's coming up for me. Um, and I don't know,
because it's just been two dates, but we are texting he's
like, pretty easy to communicate with. He respects it
when I say it. But I don't think for him. He knows what that
looks like. So yeah.
So he's respecting when you're saying it, but then maybe the
actions aren't really showing that he understands it. Yeah.
Um, well, I think that would be again, just maybe another, like
conversation or when you're expressing the boundary, are you
face to face with them? Are you doing this on text?
Yeah, face to face usually.
Okay. Um, I mean, it might be one of those things of like,
hey, this is what I'm noticing. This is really important to me.
This is a boundary that I really hold sacred. And I need to know
if that's going to be a deal breaker for you.
I'm okay and I'm gonna ask you are you comfortable with holding hands like
where is he drawing the line are you comfortable with the hand holding is he
trying to get more touchy-feely is he trying to kiss you is he trying to touch
you like explain that to me a little further as far as like how he's rushing
this yeah our very first on Sunday night when we went out to dinner we were
walking away from the table and he like kind of brushed the set the back of my
back and I was like whoa like I just wouldn't expect that's kind of a line
right yeah I mean it was like her first time hanging out and he's touching me it
felt kind of weird okay so when he did that what did what was your response to
him I didn't say anything I'm not very good at yeah that's fine like these are
good things to know I mean these are things that are highlighting to you
because we can we can unpack that we can spend some time with Holy Spirit and
say okay like what is this like how do you want me to navigate this Lord because
it's important for you to recognize okay I I'm not comfortable with this but I
also recognize I'm really not forward with setting a boundary and so being
able to recognize what feelings and thoughts come up when you're like I
don't like this but I'm struggling with communicating this what's that rooted in
what am I fearful of what am I anxious about and then we can kind of break that
down and honestly it doesn't even have to be like you know sometimes we go
through heart work I mean we've been just through phase one and we go through
this heart work it's like oh it's this like heart surgery and ladies what I
will tell you like as you navigate heart work and you get more and more
familiar with it it doesn't have to be this long process you can just be like
oh I recognize that oh this is the lie I'm believing this is the truth I don't
operate in that anymore okay this is what I'm gonna do differently and then
you're good okay so he brushes a small your back you don't say anything did he
do anything else after that it was like my upper back but um but that was just
too close to comfort yeah it just was very forward I was like oh interesting
like he's anyway so I'm making these assumptions about him that he's like I'm
like he's probably very comfortable being physical early on which is not
what I'm hoping like something I know we have to give grace for people who are
just in different places but and I like saw him this is me going too far
probably but like he was like I felt like he was having a hard time taking
his eyes off of a couple of women that were walking by and so I'm like does he
have a pornography addiction like I'm just getting way far ahead of myself
you got some anxious thoughts that are really starting to kind of stir yeah
right so again can you pinpoint things in the
past that feels familiar and kind of recognize where that might be yes yeah
okay that's good that's really really good so to answer I mean I'm guessing is
your question kind of like how do you navigate this yeah like do I wait till
Saturday and like I actually told him he could kiss me because like I guess if
I'm on board if he's not doing it like if he's not just doing things we can
talk about things like I do want to hold his hand I didn't like when he
rubbed my back but and I guess I just in general I feel like he's I'm I'm more
nervous about like overall how he looks at physical touch and dating and marriage
but okay I'm gonna I'm gonna press you a little bit here okay mm-hmm and Susan I
don't know if I Susan is is it gonna be a huge problem if I ask you to post your
question on the app I think you might have asked your question on and thank
you Lori and Lori keep me updated in the app as well
Alexandra I'm gonna press you a little bit okay yeah we have this we have this
discomfort here with him touching your back but I want to be offered him the
ability to kiss us and we're not an exclusive relationship yeah I think that
is one of the I really want that's I want you in some time with that okay
cuz that that gives me some concern yeah yeah where like why what's prompting you
to let that boundary down yeah what's I think it's just a desire for that from
anybody like
and impatience of waiting for, um, but he also is, he texts, he's kind of pushing that
as well.
So, okay.
So yeah, so he's pushing that you are recognizing you have a desire for that.
So here's the thing.
He's getting physical, you're getting uncomfortable.
You're not feeling safe.
Your spirit is showing you some things, it's going to want you to kind of like, these are
things that you're going to want to address, okay?
And so this is where you're going to practice some new tools that you're learning through
heartwork.
Yeah.
And it might feel uncomfortable.
Actually it will feel uncomfortable.
Ladies, I'll be honest with you.
As we step out of heartwork and we get into this dating, this dating stuff out of heartwork,
it does feel different because you are different.
Your heart is different.
You're healed, you're healing, okay?
So I want you to really spend time with Holy Spirit on this, okay?
Because the reality of this is, if you're open allowing him to kiss you, you're opening
that door for those boundaries to literally not exist, okay?
He's already showing you that physical attraction, okay?
It's already setting off alarms for you.
It's making you kind of go into these anxious thoughts.
And what I'm going to tell you, we got to get a hold of that, okay?
God is wanting to show you something.
He's going to want to help you kind of navigate this.
And so my wisdom and my encouragement to you is when you see him, have the conversation.
Or even if you want to not even wait until you see him, just say, look, I'm recognizing
some areas of discomfort and this kind of moving fast.
And I know I've shared with you that I want to take things slow.
And I appreciate that when I've shared this, you've backed off.
But I've also noticed that even when I've shared this, we still are kind of crossing
some lines here that I don't feel comfortable with.
And I'm recognizing that I need to back off.
I need to know like, what's your take on what this looks like?
I wanted to ask, I didn't know if it was too soon.
I mean, but you guys are already kind of at the, I mean, you're already considering having
like kissing him, right?
There's already these emotions and these feelings like this discomfort.
So I don't want you sitting here in these like thoughts where you're assuming he's into
pornography and he's, you know, checking out other women and it's just, that's just going
to read all this, you know, and so you're, you're going to feel a lot better when you
kind of get it off and have the conversation and there's ladies, there's ways of being
able to go about these conversations and it not having to get awkward.
You can have healthy, mature conversations about it because this is you setting a boundary
because let's, let's face it.
This guy is having physical touch with you is wanting to hold your hand.
You know, there's definitely attraction there.
He's made it known.
I'm sure you've probably made it known as well.
I mean, it's natural.
Like there's nothing wrong with that lady.
He really wants to ask about it too.
And we had such a fun start.
I'm like, that's not a bad thing, but like, and it's, and it's not.
And so we can have those conversations.
So it's, it's going to be really important to have that conversation sooner rather than
later.
Yeah.
I think I just didn't know how to say it.
So your wording is kind of helpful because like I know myself, I've kind of, so I'll
I've kind of, you know, taking things faster in ways and I want to, but I'm like, I don't
even know.
I'm right there with you.
I was a kissing bandit.
You know, I was kissing boys on the first date all the time.
I love kissing.
I love it too.
So I get it.
And that was like, that was a challenge for me ladies and like, hear me out.
Like when I joined this community, even before I joined this community, God was like, you
are not even kissing until you know, this man is going to be your husband.
Now, or get an exclusive relationship.
So that was something that God put on my heart.
You are not kissing anybody until you are an exclusive relationship.
I mean, so much so that my
Husband on our first date. He asked if he could kiss me as much as I was like, oh, I totally love kissing
I told him no, I
Told him no, and I still joke with him about it
he wanted to kiss me on the first date and I was like no and I'm gonna tell you why because
You need to be an exclusive relationship with me. I
know
So, you know, but it was really good for me
To be able to set that boundary
Yeah, and I'm pretty similar and I just didn't think so so early on I was like
I don't know how to explain this to him so early on
So we've avoided that deep conversation. I've tried to drop hints, but it's not
Yes, I'm saying like my I mean like my husband like came out on the first date
It was like can I kiss you and I appreciated the fact that he asked me permission
Okay, and yeah
It is easier when they ask you because then you can just be very honest like no you may not
you know like you're asking permission and you can say no, but when they're just trying to be like
They're probably being awkward about it, you know, and then you're kind of like, okay. Do I respond to this?
How do I set the boundary like I'm not supposed to talk about this, but it's clear
What do I do? I don't want to mess this up. I don't want to you know, break the rules
Okay, and again, that's where I'm like, there's no rules
There's no like
Hardcore, this is just guardrails
mm-hmm, and so
Because that's the situation you're gonna be like look I'm just gonna let you know
like this is something that is really important to me and I think we both probably have
had some awkwardness around this and I'm just gonna kind of go out and just let you know where I'm at with this and where
I stand is, you know, I'm not comfortable
With the physical contact until I'm in an exclusive relationships, which means like he wants to do that
Now he's ready to be in an exclusive relationship. I'm not ready for that
I need to spend time getting to know you. Yeah, and I'm gonna need that to be okay, and if it's not I understand
Mm-hmm, but that's what I'm gonna need in order to feel safe moving forward
Yeah, and a mature masculine man is going to respect and honor that not just with his words ladies
but with his actions
He men might say it in that moment, oh, yeah, of course, I respect you of course and then an hour or two later
They're like getting close to you or oh, I just really you know, I find you so attractive and oh your lips are so beautiful
like
This is him and you can be like, yeah, I know I'm gorgeous girl
But I
If you can't hold that boundary in this beginning stage
How do you think you're gonna hold the boundary when you exclusive and you're engaged and you trying to wait?
to have sex before marriage and
Y'all hanging at each other's house and
Things get hot heavy. Okay. Yeah, it's hard
Yeah, ask any of the women and men in our community that are married
How difficult it was to literally like, okay, we can't cross this line. Mm-hmm. I
Guarantee you every single couple myself included
We had to struggle through this
So if you can't hold those boundaries in these beginning stages when you're kind of like, I don't know what we are
Y'all when you realize what you are and you're like, yeah, we're exclusive and we're going like
Y'all it's gonna be hard. I think it's harder than so
We really want to help you ladies establish those boundaries now and really see is this guy gonna honor it because ladies
Let me tell you
you really are going to need someone that's going to honor and
And respect that
And it really does take a man to be able to do that and it's gonna take accountability on both of your parts
Mm-hmm. Hey, I had as much as I like I had to sometimes hold my husband accountable
Before he was my husband
like
he was he did a really good job at that, but there were moments where I was like, oh my goodness like
He's he's in a married weakness and I I can't do that like again
Thank you Jesus for grace
Because you need that you're gonna need a lot of great
Okay
But I just I really can't stress that enough and like Jackie does a whole like teaching on this
I know she's posted an Instagram and her page about
why it's important to kind of
Not kind of why it's important not to put your
yourself in those situations?
Why not to have sex before marriage?
Okay.
That I'm pretty on board with.
In the past, I've been really good,
but I felt like I couldn't talk to him about it yet.
Yeah.
So, because it was so early, but now I'm-
And again, we don't, we wanna be fully transparent
and really feel like we could be ourselves
because if we can hold that boundary,
but it still puts us in this position
where we just feel disconnected with someone
because they want to, and we don't, and we're not on board.
The intimacy that you build, not just physical,
I mean, because I'm talking about relationships
are more than just physical intimacy, ladies.
There is so much emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy
that takes place before the physical, and that's important.
Yeah, thank you.
And so, like that needs to take place,
that comfort needs to be there,
that emotional intimacy, that trust, that bonding,
all of that kind of stuff really does need to be there.
Trust is huge.
Like being transparent and being really who you are
and your vulnerability is going to be important
with someone that you're marrying.
Yeah, thank you.
Ladies, thank you, as always,
for just letting me sit on my soapbox,
let me preach to you, hanging it out with me.
Mika, I'm sorry, I can't get to you.
I hope that you can post in the app.
And ladies, I hope you got a lot out of this today,
and I will see you next week in an app.
All right?
I'll see you ladies later.
Love you.