Why do we get stuck in cycles?
So you're finding yourself in a cycle.
There are moments in life when we feel caught, trapped, in patterns that seem to repeat themselves
no matter how much we may want it to change, and these cycles can come from many different
places.
Maybe you're wanting to escape pain when something feels too overwhelming.
We can turn to old habits that bring temporary relief.
I don't want you to shame yourself for that.
I want you to get curious about what's happening, and then we'll get to some ways of disrupting
the cycle and getting to what's underneath.
We can also be in a cycle because it's our default mode.
Our brain is wired for efficiency, so the more we repeat a behavior, the more automatic
it becomes, even when it no longer really serves us.
It can bring some sort of immediate satisfaction.
Maybe it's an attachment wound.
If love, safety, or connection felt conditional in the past, you may unconsciously replay
old patterns in an attempt to receive what you didn't get.
Those unmet needs can create cycles.
If your deeper needs are going unnoticed or ignored, you may be trying to fill the void
in ways that could leave you feeling empty rather than whole, and these cycles perpetuate
themselves.
But the beautiful truth?
Cycles are not destiny.
They are invitations to pause, notice, and gently choose a new way forward.
It's time to disrupt the cycle.
Noticing the cycle with gentle curiosity, step one.
So rather than avoiding or running from it, let's look at this.
What happened?
What do you feel in your body?
What thoughts might be in your mind?
And what feelings are you noticing?
Often, cycles, the more powerful cycles, you might notice feelings like fear or shame or
longing or grief.
It could even be a deeper feeling of terror, devastation, or just disappointment and frustration.
I want you to pause and take a deep breath in, no judgment at step one, noticing the
cycle.
If you need to pause and just get curious, let yourself.
Step two, meeting self-blame and shame with compassion.
If self-blame is creeping in, take a breath.
Let that part of you know you see it and you want to honor that part of you for trying
to protect you.
Self-blame is trying to help.
Thank you.
I see you.
Am I being harsh with myself?
What am I trying to protect?
Am I trying to protect myself from getting hurt?
From being vulnerable?
Would I speak this way to someone I love?
How can I invite compassionate self-care?
Remember and imagine yourself in that light room.
This is where he meets us.
It's a place of grace and love.
With his compassionate and tender gaze, what does he want you to know?
How does he see you?
Remember, he is our compassionate king priest.
And he loves and accepts us no matter what we are seen and cared for and delighted in.
We have the privilege of coming into his presence.
much of getting honest with ourselves and Him, that's what repentance is.
It's a beautiful place where the truth really does set us free.
So I am not failing, I am exchanging this shame for love, this compassion in these parts
of me that are seeking an unmet need in a counterfeit way.
I'm growing.
I am worthy, I am loved, I am delighted in, and I am allowed to be a work in progress.
Let's breathe that in.
You are healed and sealed and signed with His name, and the Holy Spirit is in you, tuning
in to the unmet need underneath the cycle.
Step 3.
Beneath every repeated dysfunctional pattern is a deeper functional longing.
Let's look at what this could be, what am I truly needing right now?
These are your desires, your hopes.
Open up your heart to the deeper parts of you, maybe you haven't let yourself.
Seeing those parts of you that have wonder and play and delight to feel seen and held
and safe, what are you truly needing right now?
What am I hoping?
What have I hoped for, relief, reassurance, control, compassion?
Let's honor those parts, they're trying to protect you, and underneath the deeper longing
to be known and cared for and loved and seen and soothed and safe, those parts of you are
beautiful.
How can I tend to those underlying parts with care and love and kindness?
I can want, I can desire, I can feel, I can honor those parts of myself.
They are precious and beautiful and you are delighted in.
Your king priest loves you and those parts of you he made.
Step 4.
Recognize the protective part within the cycle.
Every cycle is a part of you trying to protect you from pain or offer comfort in a way that
you once learned and as you're disrupting this cycle and learning a new way of tending
and attuning and caring for those needs, asking yourself what part of me is stepping in that
doesn't want me to look at these painful longings or hopes or desires?
Is it a fixer, a pleaser, an avoider?
What is it afraid might happen if I stop this cycle?
What does this part need to feel safe?
I want you to honor those protector parts.
They have done an amazing job.
Is it time to go into the light room where there is grace and there is delight and there
is dancing and joy?
He died for you to be free.
Let's get honest about those underlying needs and inviting his spirit in, thanking this
part for its effort and letting it know I am safe now.
He is with me, dear part of me.
I see why you've stepped in.
Thank you for trying to protect me.
I don't have to cover this underlying desire and hope and want alone anymore.
It's okay.
I can let him in now.
He loves me.
I am safe in Jesus's arms.
Step five, holding the longing with tenderness as you allow the unmet need underneath.
to be embraced and accepted and loved by the Creator of your heart and longings.
He sees you and He loves you. He made you just right. He sees your longings and He knows them.
They are precious to Him. You are precious to Him.
How can I honor and love these parts of me without self-abandoning?
I will tend to these parts of me with love and care. I see these parts of me and they get to
have a voice and they matter. Tell Him how these parts of you feel and what they need,
what you want, what you're hoping for, those longings.
Step six, disrupting the cycle with that love and gentle care.
What is one small compassionate choice that you can make? How can you tend to this part of you
with kindness and love, inviting His heart, His posture towards you? I am safe. I am seen. I am
soothed. I get to feel hope and longing and desire. What do I want? Letting those beautiful
parts of you and wonder and play come into the Lightroom as He holds you, as He sees you,
as He delights in you. What emotion needs kindness right now?
Placing your hand on any part of your body that needs your attention and care,
I see you and you matter. What thoughts can you gently release?
In your soul, how can I align and integrate into the wholeness and truth
and peace that is at my core in Him? Step seven, restoring peace and honoring the courage to heal,
taking a deep breath. You are growing. It took a lot of courage to notice and disrupt.
It takes strength to hold your longings,
not self-abandoning, but attuning and responding,
intending to those parts of you that have unmet needs. I am right here. I see you.
You get to say what you feel and need. I see you and I am here.
Jesus can also be invited in, your compassionate King Priest.
His love holds all. Jesus breathed life into these places that feel weary,
illuminate the longings that need tended to. Let this precious one walk in hand in hand,
delighted in and loved. And would you speak whatever you want to speak in
alignment with your healing, your truth, and your love?